#don't mind me just having a meltdown
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POV me through my third re-write of this chapter that I keep changing the outline of
#:obirambles#oh my gosh guys i am. crumbling#who KNOWS where this is going#it was gonna be simple. a scene outside on the road....#then i changed it to an office#and now. a train. ... station#ajsjhhhhggggaaaaaaaaa ;;::: someone unplug me from the matrix rn i can't. anymore#don't mind me just having a meltdown
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At this point I'm convinced that trying to date as a sex repulsed ace/demi is about as helpful as taking a blowtorch to my own hand
People who succeed at it need to be studied in a lab bc how do they do it??
#don't mind me just having a meltdown#now that pride month is over I can finally be mad at my sexuality again 👍
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Anyone else scrolling through the Chris Evans tag like
#chris evans#don't mind me just watching the meltdowns in real time#all because a man you don't know / have never met / who'd never touch you got married huh#stan culture is so fucking unhinged man#didn't use the mj eating popcorn gif because this is more disturbing than funny
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Some days I feel way too autistic to hold down a full time job. Today is one of those days.
#personal#don't mind me just trying not to have a meltdown right now#being a person is overwhelming sometimes
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Murdock holding Rockruff like a teddy bear melts my heart <3
And the little puppy being curious about Terapagos is so adorable <3 Also I love that Friede and Murdock always sit next to each other <3
#Pokemon Horizons#Murdock (Pokemon)#Professor Friede#rockruff#pokemon#murdock pokemon#murdock#Screencaps#Don't mind me I'm just having a meltdown about the cuteness
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anyway here it is even more slowed down because it makes me lose my mind a little more every time it loops:
#the way the shoelace gets stuck for half a beat on his lower lip#those eyelashes!!!#baby boy with those blown pupils#this is absolutely what he looks like when he's getting railed#this scene is basically just pornography jesusfuckingchrist#we're maybe having a meltdown today#don't mind me#cara gifs#hughie campbell#jack quaid
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maybe in this universe howard and maria stark's baby was kidnapped/switched and ended up becoming a villain and dictator, meanwhile the real victor is out there being a hero known as the infamous Iron Man
#don't mind me i'm just coping and having a meltdown i just need to be annoying for a little while#victor von doom#doctor doom
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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the one time my show's (not mine but yk very small fandom) tag is actually used and it's for ridicule and discourse. now that stuff will be the only stuff you can see :/
#I knew the meme was going around but y'all#breaking news: people can like 'bad' shows!!!! sometimes writers make characters do stupid things!!#SOMETIMES THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE ENTIRE SHOW WITHOUT GOING INTO IT ALREADY HATING IT MIGHT KNOW MORE THAN YOU#I just#guys#no it is not great representation#but a REMINDER that honestly it's better at depicting savant and trauma and how they combine with autism#this is coming from a neurodivergent person#yes the way they do things annoys me sometimes!!#but no one even watches this show so just mind your business#also whether it's good rep or bad you're still being a jerk when you make fun of a meltdown scene#anyway#I don't care if you hate the show or love the show or anything in between#just stop with all of this#if we're watching it we know it's flaws#the good doctor#tgd#not even gonna tag this with my chatter tag because I don't wanna be reminded of it again#if you comment on this no I will not respond#you are not worth my time
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Me, listening to all snk OSTs, from all seasons, and every rec YT is giving me, and there are some really overwhelming, stunning, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing and heartbreaking covers, remixes and you guys know what:
I'm gonna cry I'm gonna cry so much I'm gonna cry so freaking much
I'M GONNA CRY SO MUCH OH MY FREAKING LORD
LOL
#Yep#this is me having a meltdown bc of Hanji Levi and Eren's fate in this final season#10 years#I can't believe it#I don't even know what has got into me ahhhh#s04p03#oh 131 132 and L on 139 will break meeeee#I feel so silly thinking I was close to be over with snk#but dammit if the ost isn't bring SO MANY EMOTIONS back#don't mind me tho#i'm just crazily emotional today for music reasons lol
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sometimes I think about how it would utterly crush my soul if the boy died in any way, be that in canon or in my threads. like, legit tears kinda crush my soul cos I don’t want him to die ever.
then I think about how they ‘killed’ him twice in canon and they too realized that they couldn’t fucking do it and brought him back every single time so I’m just like :`>
#text post#out of batteries#I'm done playing this character : ooc#don't mind me#just having a boy meltdown again today#but for real#it would genuinely upset me if they ever killed him#not that we're ever gonna get that third#but#y'know#the ONLY canon ending I accept for him is that he gets out and survives because he deserves it more than anyone else in canon
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;; I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t much care for the Adrienette side of the ship for a long while. But Oh My GODS!!! How can two people be so cute and so perfect for each other?! FOR REAL HOW??? It took a lot of audio fics and seeing a spoiler of a certain boy serenading a certain girl and I was a goner! HOW ARE YOU TWO SO CUTTTEEEE!!!??? HOW I SAY?? MariChat is still my number one, supreme ship, but Adrienette is an extremely close second, practically tied with it at the top! :3
#Don't mind me#just having a cuteness overload meltdown over here! XD#;Adrienette#;MLB#;MLB Season 5#;MLB Season 5 Spoilers#tiny spoiler#but still a spoiler#sort of#I think?#brain is still melting don't mind me
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I can never stop scrutinizing every post, comment, or discussion about these topics and wondering if it is about the normalization of neurodivergence and people living with mental illnesses (i.e. "This is also one of the many kinds of human experience"), or if it's just pathologizing human behaviors.
I really detest the latter. It's a personal principle to avoid this pitfall.
However, even this habit is scrutinized on its own. Because you're necessarily playing around with ideas about maladies, sicknesses, and "unhealthiness." When I say, "hold on, this might sound like pathologization," am I genuinely thinking this person is dehumanizing themself, or am I just expressing internalized ableism in the vein of "don't call yourself sick! Sick is a word for the weak! The weak-willed!"?
That is why I'm glad OP added an example to the reblog!
And I'm sure there are many other ways to not pathologize oneself while trying to normalize experiences historically marginalized by the so-called "normal, healthy default." I kinda wanna see what example others/friends can come up with to avoid self-pathologization.
Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.
#Me、personally? I usually don't mention the supposed medical term straight away when I'm discussing my mode of experience#(despite being a science nerd who easily rambles about tHe cOgNiTvE sCIEnCeS ahahhaha).#I just describe what it's like as if I have no idea what the clinical terms or symptoms are.#I also work really hard to be aware of my state of mind just so I can give people heads-up if it's getting tougher to rein myself in.#That way I don't have to withdraw from interacting with them despite it—because they are aware.#And if I fail to maintain composure (yo it does happen、 annoyingly enough、despite my goddamn effort) and snap?#When I explain my behavior once I've calmed down later、 it won't sound like some “bullshit excuse” conjured#to repair my image after hurting that person.#Having been subjected to way too many people's meltdowns (due to mental disorders/neurodivergence/good old neurotypicality)#I really don't want to force other people into my spot if I were the one losing control、 man#Which actually brings back to why I detest pathologization. Huh.#It's just a handy way of shutting down communication innit? “I'm sick okay? I have symptoms ABCDE#You don't understand shit you healthy son of a bitch!”#How do you expect me to know how to accomodate you if you describe your experience like it's a terminal sickness with such *finality* that#it's as if it's impossible to carve out a middle way?#surely that is as far away from normalization as it can possibly get.
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I love being the only not-cis person in group therapy, btw. Love it. I tried to bring up how dysphoria is contributing to my difficulty with mood regulation and like, absolutely no one in that call understood wtf I was talking about, lol. That weird, pervasive gendering of Cluster B happened last session though, and it was viscerally uncomfortable on my end, but everyone else in the fuckin' Google Meets room or whatever just nodded in understanding like that shit was scientific fact. Like it got fully bioessentialist up in there for a minute. Cis people are so fuckin' weird.
#our t#TT.txt#I s2g there's this weird cis-person gendered power dynamic happening too.#Because- okay. There are two liscenced therapists leading this group but only one of them does all the presentations & the DBT#aspect of this shit. DBT group therapy kinda half runs like a course. We're takin' notes and everything.#But this fuckin' guy I swear to god. He whittles on and on and does this thing where someone else - who is a cis woman#important to keep in mind here - responds with a very real and emotional epiphany she's having in the moment as he's talking.#Which is like- I mean that's just kinda fantastic to be around. Those are the parts of this I stick around for. That feels like *progress*#And he'll like- I don't even know how to explain this. He agrees that what she's talking about is important but then he'll start rambling#about how what she JUST SAID usually IN TEARS isn't *fully* relevant to what he's talking about right now. Even when it very obviously is#I guess it's mansplaining?? I don't really understand the term mansplaining as a hard concept <- learning disability#But it definitely feels like smth related to mansplaining.#I dunno. I'm gonna continue this until the end bc I need these tools but goddamn I would ask to be reassigned if I had that guy alone#He just Presents[tm] it never actually feels like progress happens unless he's Presenting The Material. It's kinda weird to be around#And it's just like. My queerness is very obviously being carefully tiptoed around. And it's not like I'm not clocky y'know#Lets just say thank god I also go by they/them. Seems like its the ''most comfortable'' set for these people to use 🙄#Yes I am still judging them for that. Cis people need to rack up a good ally score before they can usually Officially use they/them on me#Only other queers get that for free. iykyk#We're at the point where both he/him & she/her confuse cis people so. Which feels great most of the time but on the other hand...#And I mean dear god if we bring up any neopronoun I think someone would have a confused meltdown#I'm a lil too close in age to some of these people's adult kids and they've got bad relationships with each other I ain't taking any#fuckin' chances.
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Only slept 4-5 hours again... god I hate when I get stuck in this bullshit.. 😮💨
#always happens several days in a row like this.#and once again i have to sit here and decide if i want to feel like shit the whole day and just wait for the meltdown from hell#or if i want to drink an energy drink and increase the risk of this happening tomorrow again 🥲#but then having less of a chance i just crash and burn. and give myself a chance to actually do ANYTHING today.#not necessarily productive mind you... but like... at least something fun. not just lay in bed and feel tired and miserable all day.#i don't think anybody blames me for not really being too keen on the idea of just laying in bed feeling like shit all day.#and just knowing that sooner or later everything will be too much and i will just lose control and be in so much pain 🙃#meltdowns are fucking painful ok. both physically and mentally. and it leaves me like a fucking husk for days after.#fuck it I'm going for the energy drink. to hell with it all.#ryder speaking
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Had my first 'pissed off' clean today bc I could not find any counter space to make sandwiches for me and my roommate's lunch tomorrow because of all the garbage (not mine) and dirty dishes (also not mine) just sitting out... Think I owe my mom an apology lol
#Surprisingly cathartic to punt an empty cardboard box across the room bc it's been sitting in the walkway for weeks for No Reason#Honestly? It was a meltdown because I couldn't walk into the kitchen without getting this horribly grainy cat litter stuck on my feet#And it smells like cat shit and piss and I checked her bowls and the water has A LAYER OF DUST ON TOP???????#Who does that to their pet????#I can't STAND mess clutter. I don't mind maximalist decor but this isn't that it's just garbage sitting everywhere#Scattered receipts old cardboard boxes packing paper and bubble wrap just laying on the floor cuz 'the cat likes it'#WELL THE DANNY DOESN'T#WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A DINING ROOM TABLE ITS JUST FULL OF TRASH#WHY DOES THE BATTERY PACKAGE HAVE 1 SINGLE BATTERY IN IT? THROW IT AWAY JESUS CHRIST ITS NOT THAT HARD#I swear to God it's like I'm living with my sister again she was so gross it's genuinely distressing to me#Grumble grumble
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