#don't mind me i'm just dying
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good morning, it's hozier day and i shan't be listening to anything else for the next week
#several bad puns later – out of character.#don't mind me i'm just dying#i've been waiting for this album for so long#my hardcopy cd and vinyl get here tomorrow and i am. vibrating.
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its going to be okay, its just some major lyra and grayson banter
Ahahahhhahahahahha ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY CALM DOWN I SAID CALM DOWN
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love that they prioritized letting Ed's hair down (wonder if it was before or after taking off Stede's shirt and Ed's jacket)
#i have a wip i am dying to finish where the hairtie plays a role and i'm just--#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers#our flag means death#ofmd gifs#ida.stuff#ofmd 2x6#edward teach#stede bonnet#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#don't mind me over-analyzing these frames
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dande's dying btw
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd art#dnd character#dnd oc#dandelion treehollow#more specifically he's ROTTING#don't get punched by a mummy yall#ok but narratively dande rotting to death is very satisfying to me what with his arcane focus being a rotten tooth he wears as a necklace#but also#DANDE'S DYING#it's okay they just gotta find someone who can remove the curse...#down in these caves...................#dandelion is dying.#very funny considering the night before when the paladin was trying to get him to find jesus dande was like#nah i'm good i aint gonna be dying again any time soon#hahahahahahaha#anyways he's FURIOUS ABOUT IT#ravelers#dande is DYING#i do love dande reacting with pure rage when his mind is overwhelmed with the thought of dying#it's fun to play in contrast to his typical demeanor#dande is dying#send your thoughts and prayers#also he's stuck at 10 hp and can't be healed!!#THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS
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me: I should write the one-shot that lives in my head about Harry applying for a job
brain: you will write a whole casefic about Harry realizing being a cop already killed him once, acab applies even to Kim, and he needs to quit if he wants to get better
#shivers is allowed to be passive aggressive about littering. as a treat#disco elysium#de fanfic#long post#i hope this is a good range of clips but also not too many ghdfsh#the disco mix of angst and poetic imagery and unhinged dialogue means I have 5898385 favorite bits so I kind of just picked random ones#this selection is really angst-heavy but there's a lot of really funny moments too I promise#a lot of my biggest faves are running gags that don't clip well#please message me about this lmao i am dying to talk#ive got everything in here. there's panic attacks. there's skills bickering and talking like harry isn't there. there's a loop (sort of).#callbacks to game lines. rhetoric going on about Communism. harry being Very Gay but Very Closeted. electrochem losing its mind about it.#beautiful Conceptualization bits and a whole talking-to-corpse moment#I've even got a sequence w ancient reptilian brain and limbic system#the whole thought project about “why isn't kim more upset that I went at a witness like a rabid hound” is so fucking good.#im so fucking normal about these 40-year-old men#i didn't think I could write DE but I'm nailing it
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I am eternally grateful for your providing all the Kanthony scenes from part 2 but did I do not see their scene at Pen's wedding? The our wedding was perfect scene? Is there another upload that you know of with this scene included?
Hi! Yes, I did miss that when I was compiling scenes. Here it is.
#i actually kind of hate this moment#it feels like they are going out of their way to remind us we didn't get to see any of this for kate and anthony#but i'm on the record as being forever bitter about that#don't mind me i'm just dying on this hill#kanthony#bridgerton#anthony x kate#kate and anthony#kate bridgerton#kate x anthony#kate sharma#kate sheffield#anthony and kate#anthony bridgerton#kathony#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton season 3 episode 7
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The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup
#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post#because that shit is EVERYWHERE#LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT#''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06)#''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10)#''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02)#''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08)#''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08)#''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!''#(4x11)#Literally just the shit off of the top of my head#and then. And then that in contrast with#''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS#You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man#Hello#Where am I#I'm dying. I'm dying#Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever....#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Sandy#lmk Mei#lmk Pigsy#lmk Tang#OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08)#AND#''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04)#Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right#what. ever.
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Hi so me being me I've decided to hyperanalyze the conversation Qrow and Raven had in Higanbana practically line by line bcus I have Many Thoughts and this is the best way I can think of to get them all out. If you can't tell I'm absolutely obsessed with these two. Btw.
Thanks to the RWBY wiki for providing transcripts for every episode, otherwise I definitely would have missed smth despite having just watched this scene recently lol
I put it under the read more for easier scrolling due to how long this post got!
I immediately noticed smth in the very first lines of the interaction:
Raven: "Hello, brother." Qrow: "...Raven."
You'll notice throughout the whole conversation that Raven never calls Qrow by his name, only condescendingly referring to him as "brother" this one time and never calling him anything else. Meanwhile, Qrow directly refers to Raven a total of three times throughout the conversation, and only one doesn't call Raven by her name (which we'll get to shortly)
On the other hand, Qrow doesn't bother with even so much as a greeting beyond simply stating Raven's name
It's different ways of communicating their distance. While Raven holds her relationship with Qrow over his head — never once, even outside of this scene, does she call him "brother" with affection iirc, only derision and condescension — Qrow doesn't seem to rly know how to greet her. He hesitates before saying her name and approaching her, as if trying to assess the situation before acting
Qrow: "So, what do you want?" Raven: "A girl can't just catch up with her family?" Qrow: "She can, but you're not. Now how 'bout we get on with it? Unless you plan on keeping these [drinks] comin'."
Again, Raven seems to bring up her familial ties with Qrow as a tactic to get him to do what she wants — in this case, stick around to talk to her despite him not seeming to rly want to. Frankly, it feels manipulative. We're gonna put a pin in this for now and come back to it in just a moment
Additionally, Qrow already knows that Raven's not just here for a friendly chat between two siblings, and sees right thru her facade that it is. Raven is here bcus she wants smth from him. But interestingly, it is Raven in V5 that says, in an almost frustrated/disappointed tone, "Family. Only coming around when they need something." There's another pin; keep both in mind
Raven: "Does she have it?" Qrow: "...Did you know Yang lost her arm?" Raven: "That's not—" Qrow: "Rhetorical question, I know you know. It's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist." Raven: "I saved her." Qrow: "Once. Because that was your rule, right? Real 'Mom of the Year' material, sis."
Qrow dodges Raven's question about the Relic and instead brings up her hypocrisy in how she treats family. And it's a good point. Here she is lording her siblingship with Qrow over his head while simultaneously defending and upholding her rule that she is only obligated to help her own daughter a single time. Another pinpoint on our little conspiracy board
Also, here's the one time in this conversation Qrow refers to Raven as "sis". Like Raven's use of "brother", Qrow's use of "sis" is very pointed and with intent. But it's not to manipulate Raven, it's a snarky jab meant to rly hammer home Qrow's point
Raven: "I told you Beacon would fall, and it did. I told you Ozpin would fail, and he has. Now you tell me. Does. Salem. Have it?" Qrow: "I thought you weren't interested in all of that." Raven: "I just want to know what we are up against." Qrow: "And which 'we' are you referring to?"
A few things of note here. At some point in the past, Raven expressed an outright disinterest in Ozpin's inner circle, at least to Qrow. Qrow also feels excluded in the "we" Raven mentions being against Salem. To me, there seems to be a distinct possibility here that it wasn't that Raven felt personally disinterested in Ozpin's operations, but that she somehow felt excluded and feigned a lack of interest in order to protect herself. An idea that is further supported in my eyes by the following dialogue:
Qrow: "You should come back, Raven. The only way we'd beat her is by working together. All of us." Raven: "You're the one who left. The tribe raised us, and you turned your back on them." Qrow: "They were killers and thieves." Raven: "They were your family." Qrow: "You have a very skewed perception of that word."
And there it is. Raven's problem is laid out here for us, loud and clear: She feels like she was the one abandoned, not the one running away. She says it outright! "You're the one who left." To her, Qrow is the traitor, the one who left their family behind. If you ask Qrow (or, for that matter, Tai, Yang, and even Summer based on the scene in V9), it's the opposite
Bcus they have different definitions of family
Another thing to pin (I promise this will all become clear soon)
Raven: "I lead our people now. And as leader, I will do everything in my power to ensure our survival." Qrow: "I saw. The people of Shion saw, too." Raven: "The weak die. The strong live. Those are the rules." Qrow: "Well, you've certainly got someone strong on your side. I've seen the damage." Raven: "We couldn't have known the Grimm would set in as quickly as they did." Qrow: "I'm not talking about the Grimm. And I'm not talking about you, either."
Notice Raven's shift from "the tribe" to "our people". More of that guilt tripping!
Additionally, Raven is *obsessed* with rules. One save. The weak die, the strong live. Raven lives and breathes rules, even seemingly arbitrary ones. Guess what this is? Another pin!
Raven: "If you don't know where the Relic is, then we have nothing left to talk about." Qrow: "I don't know where the Spring Maiden is, either, but if you do, I need you to tell me." Raven: "And why would I do that?" Qrow: "Because without her, we're all going to die." Raven: "...And which 'we' are you referring to?"
Qrow's "either" here implies that he also doesn't know where the Crown of Choice is, which is... interesting. He's one of Ozpin's closest lieutenants, and is in the dark on where Beacon's Relic is? Wherever it is, it is such a closely kept secret that even Ozpin's best spy doesn't know where it is (maybe so that in the event Qrow gets captured by Salem he can't be forced into giving her the information?)
Meanwhile, Raven's "And why would I [tell you]?" implies that she does know who the Spring Maiden is (obviously. Raven's the Spring Maiden lol) but refuses to disclose to Qrow
A lantern sputters out after Qrow says "Without [Spring] we're all going to die." Now, I genuinely can't remember if this is headcanon or canon, but iirc Misfortune seems to act up when Qrow's upset. He's clearly tired of this little game of dancing around topics that Raven's been playing with him
And once again, Raven indicates a feeling of exclusion from Qrow's life in the iconic final line. She gets the final word in before leaving
We've finally reached the end of the conversation. Now what does all of this tell us?
And here is where all of those pins I wrote down are relevant. As I mentioned, the twins view family very differently
Qrow's view is pretty obvious: he views family as the ppl in his life who matter most to him. Unlike Raven, he does not view the tribe as family despite the fact that they raised him, disgustedly referring to them as "killers and thieves". It's implied that he was, in fact, neglected and/or likely abused by the Branwen tribe, saying in V6C4, "No one wanted me... I was cursed..." further explaining his distaste for them. Furthermore, despite not being related to Ruby by blood, they clearly consider one another family throughout the series, and he even seems closer to her than he seems to his niece who's actually blood related to him (I personally headcanon that he keeps more of a distance from Yang bcus she reminds him too much of Raven, who he feels abandoned and hurt by, but that's neither here nor there). Bloodlines and debts are secondary compared to loyalty, if they're considered at all. He is obviously furious that Raven only insists on saving Yang once and never directly interacting with her beyond that, despite Raven constantly guilting Qrow over abandoning his so-called "family" of the tribe. And yet. And yet. He still offers Raven a place back in his life, even if only to unite against Salem
Raven's view, to me, has been an enigma for a while. But after hyperanalyzing this conversation, after noting down all of those points of interest, I feel like I've finally cracked the code. Raven views family as an obligation, an exchange that always has an ulterior motive behind it. She seeks out Qrow only bcus she desires smth from him despite showing distaste when someone does the same to her; condescendingly calls Qrow "brother" more than his actual name and calls the tribe their "family" to try guilting him into doing what she wants; and feels fierce loyalty to the tribe but barely interacts with her daughter, only seeming to count one of the two as true family. She views the concept of family with cynicism and seems to feel an obligation to the tribe, as if she "owes" them for raising her
I think the two's perceptions of what defines family are all to do with the way the tribe treated both of them. This crosses a bit into headcanon territory, but as you can see by the above quotes and analysis, I rly don't think I'm just making it up entirely
As I already mentioned, I think it's implied that the Branwen tribe neglected/abused Qrow. In fact, we could probably blame their treatment of him for the deep self-loathing he has due to his "cursed" Semblance. But what about Raven?
Well, it's simple: I think she was abused, too, just in a different way. While Qrow was likely shown and told on a consistent basis that he was unwanted, unloved, undeserving of good things, Raven may have been shown and told she was wanted, loved, and deserving of good things... if she did what the tribe told her. If she repaid them for raising her and her brother, for being her "family". The way she uses her familial ties with Qrow as almost blackmail may be exactly the way the tribe treated her. Her obsession with following rules may stem from the fact that she had to follow the rules the tribe set for her in order to be accepted and deemed worth smth
As for her distance from Yang... honestly, I wonder if Raven is aware that Yang deserves better and keeps her distance as her way of doing that. When Summer confronts Raven in the V9 scene, Raven says, "...You're better at that life. Better than I was." She seems to have a fear and insecurity about being a good family member, a good mother, and maybe that's why she fled. Maybe she was scared of being like her abusers due to how she emulates them as a self-preservation tactic in so many other ways. Not entirely sure about this point tho
And I think too this is why the twins don't rly understand one another. They may have been unaware of the different ways in which the other was treated. Qrow, constantly unwanted and loathed, can't understand why Raven sticks around with the tribe; Raven, who obeyed the tribe and, in doing so, garnered enough of their favor to even eventually become leader, can't understand why Qrow can't just be "good", earn respect, and stay
This dissonance between the two experiences may also be completely intentional on the part of the tribe; abusers will often eliminate their targets' support systems in order to make them completely reliant on the abuser, so it's highly likely that the wedge was intentionally driven between the two siblings so that they could not find support in one another. This would also tie into why the twins seem to feel excluded from one another's lives and abandoned by one another: bcus they were made to feel that way by their common abusers, and did nothing to challenge these assumptions bcus they saw no reason to — and only seemed to keep proving one another right if they did
Which rly has some disturbing implications about how the Branwen tribe works. Like, do they just pick orphaned kids up off the street and abuse them into being perfect little bandits, molded to be of the greatest possible use and discarded if they're deemed worthless? Plus Qrow says his Semblance is how he got his name, which implies that the tribe also renames the kids they scoop up (possibly as a form of control or a way to make sure they can't be tracked down by any remaining family)? Plus there's the whole thing where Qrow and Raven were originally sent to Beacon to learn how to kill Huntsmen, which carries with it the implication that the Branwen tribe grooms literal orphan children into becoming stone-hearted murderers? What. The heck.
And if I'm right, if the Branwen tribe is that severely abusive, then like... wow, no wonder Qrow and Raven are Like That. They're both very deeply hurt people expressing it in different ways
I was considering adding their conversation at the Battle of Haven to this post, but I think that would be better as its own thing. Also I haven't gotten there on my rewatch yet so I may miss some details if I try to analyze it rn; it's better to wait overall methinks
But I have reached the point of my rewatch where we see Weiss and Whitley interact, and I think it would be very efficient to sum up what Qrow and Raven's relationship seems to be by using those siblings as a point of reference. Qrow = Weiss, actively trying to break free from and fight back against their abusers in different ways, while Raven = Whitley, continuing to do as their abusers want and have wanted as a method of self-preservation. Only, unlike Weiss and Whitley, Qrow and Raven have yet to come to a point where they can understand one another. I think that's a good way to briefly summarize the uh. Absolutely massive post this is.
In conclusion, I may have cracked the majority of the Branwen twins' pre-Beacon backstory purely by hyperanalyzing a single conversation. Oopsies
#original post#'hey hira why are you so obsessed with these two—' autism. i hope that answers your question!#ok but srsly. i've genuinely worked rly hard on this post for the past like. 3 days?#i didn't think it'd lead to me deducing all of this about the twins' pasts but here we are lol#this'll probably flop due to the length but like. i don't mind tbh! this is mostly to satisfy my own silly brain [affectionate] anyway#i'm genuinely looking forward to seeing them in v10#since the storyboard for the scrapped v9 epilogue had raven in it#i hope they somehow reconcile and come to understand one another like weiss and whitley did#tho. i have a bad feeling that even if they do it will end in one (or both?) of them tragically dying before the other's eyes#but that's not rly relevant lol#anyhow i am not sry for inflicting you all with my branwen twin brainrot. it will happen again#i'm having sooo many thoughts on this rewatch and they just keep on coming#rwby#qrow branwen#raven branwen#branwen twins#rwby9 spoilers#i hope there's no glaring errors here. i read thru this post multiple times to be sure but it's so huge i may have missed smth irjnfbpbne#character of all time tag
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Boo, who's been procrastinating writing all weekend? Me. Who's not gonna get another kinktober fic I promised this week? You 😞
However just to hold myself accountable bcs it's a lot easier to write when there's a deadline I do still wanna get it out in a day or so, sooo wish me luck!
#I have been getting some great asks that just make me wanna write more than just an anecdotal answer#so instead of writing I've been daydreaming oops#but also now I have a backlog of so many ideas I'm just dying to write#but bcs there's so many options I don't even know where to start!!!#decision paralysis or whatever its called#(so instead I played games for 4hs straight without getting up)#don't mind me just waffling on about nothing!#dee rambles
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There's a weird kind of tension I feel being in the Locked Tomb fandom without being Christian. Especially having grown up in a heavily Christian part of the world, constantly surrounded by pressure to convert.
I don't only mean the constant low grade cultural pressure underpinning daily life, though I mean that too. I mean I get accosted in the street by missionaries. I mean I was first told I was going to hell when I was four years old, by a babysitter who would only let me watch Veggie Tales. I've had a man handing out leaflets follow me around attempting to lay his hands on my head or shoulders while reciting what I think a Catholic friend later told me was called the Sinner's Prayer, cajoling me to repeat after him. My grandfather died after being unable to find a support group that wasn't rooted in the christian faith, and didn't therefore require him to violate his religious beliefs.
Which is all taking the long way around to saying I don't really vibe heavy with the series' christian subtext. I like to enjoy the story primarily through other lenses.
But at the same time the symbolism is there, and intentional, and doing a lot of very interesting things. So I am paying attention to it. I try to consider it an interesting mythological theme, like the classical Greek references. It usually works, but maintaining that distance can be a struggle.
I don't really have a conclusion here. It's just a weird place to be. The draw of wanting to connect the dots, to appreciate the intricate symbolic art, at war with... all that, and with the creeping anxiety that whispers: how much of a philosophy can you know before you get filled up with it? Is there ever a point where you are what you know, whether you want to be or not?
#so yeah#I'm not likely to get very in depth with christian interpretations#because when I try to consider thing from that perpective there's a small animal in the back of my mind that starts tearing itself to piece#like a rat in a glue trap#to be clear this isn't about animosity#I hope there are people writing very deep essays about how Gideon is Jesus is Harrow and Thomas and Peter and all those guys#I might write some myself framed as literary references#I am glad people send me references and connections they make and make predictions from them#I love getting those messages!#this is just about the small animal which is me dying in a glue trap#and how pretending it isn't there only makes it worse#please don't let my weird second hand smoking style religious trauma dissuade ypu from sending me your theories#op
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the face of a man who is about to spill all of his life's troubles to fontaine's archon without knowing who it is he's talking to-
#;forever yelling into the abyss (ooc)#;don't mind me. just observing (dash comm.)#( LOTTIE HE'S GONNA BE SO EMBARRASSED WHEN HE REALISES )#( i'm DYING at this )#( his braincells are focused only on work right now sorry furina )
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picture only tangentially related ( and also i love hakon ), but venting / complaining about my frustrations and sadness with the recent dying light news under the cut, so please consider if that's something you want to see before clicking ( and don't say i didn't warn you after if you do decide to click it and then don't like what you read lol )
am i excited ? yes am i also frustrated and, honestly, kind of hurt ? yes every time i go anywhere that isn't tumblr that has any fandom for this series, all i ever see is " dying light 2 is trash " in various forms . every fucking time . and i'm tired . i'm so . fucking . tired . i wish they had just made this new dlc-turned-game as dl2 in the first place instead of wasting all of our time ( and theirs ) with the original dying light 2 . because honestly, what is even the point ? it has always felt like the majority of the ( vocal ) fanbase just wanted dl1 - 2 !, and the updates they push out for dl2 have often felt like they're trying to make dl2 more and more like dl1 - 2 !, and now with this " oh well the second dlc we were making grew legs and now is gonna be its own game featuring everyone's favorite kyle crane again actually, and no more dlc for dl2 " it's just like . why didn't they just do this in the first place ? why didn't they just make this as dl2, instead of making the original dl2 ? like what's the fucking point man . what's the fucking point . and tbh one of the most heart-breaking parts for me is that i'm excited for it still anyway - because i want to see more of the universe, because i love zombie stuff, because this series is so incredibly fun to play to me ( i have a lot of time in the two games together ), because i'm so excited to see the new parkour we'll get to do and the weapons and the scenery and because because because ! but it just feels like ... idk . you made this new game, these new characters, all this stuff and .... you just throw it away ? maybe there will be cameos, or we'll see aiden ( and maybe like . hakon ? maybe ? depending i guess on what ending is the " canon " ending for dl2 that they'll carry forward ) and get to interact with him or something but like . you don't even carry aiden forward as the protagonist ? just sorry we're done with him now, here's kyle again, remember him, you love him right ? right ? lol * heavy sighing * idk it just . it really bums me out . i know the fandom loves kyle, i get that . but i'm sad that the characters and everything in dl2 are just ... it feels like it's all just so disposable . it feels like techland doesn't care, or they caved to the vocal part of the fandom that just spends all their days bitching about how dl2 is the worst thing to ever exist, or idek and i'm sad . i'm just . i'm just fucking sad .
#not putting it in the tag nor making it rebloggable because i just Don't want to deal with that#nor do i want to put negativity in the tag where people who are excited might see it but#still wanted the opportunity to sort of shout into the void i guess about how i'm feeling#and how i'm feeling is just incredibly frustrated and sad#once again i end up liking the thing everyone else hates slash gets the least love from the creators woo !#honestly fuck it i'm changing my mind and putting it in the tag i warned you so if you don't want to see it#then don't fucking click the readmore#seeing other people's disappointments helped me feel less alone so whatever#leaving it un-rebloggable though for my own safety lmao#dying light#dying light 2#personality module
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qifrey's birthday and silly stuff
#witch hat tag#orufrey#excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :)#kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk.#a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real....#you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then.....#'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??'#'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^'#'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*'#i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly#i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough#writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw.#then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape.#the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart...#could a depressed person do THAT.
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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"i don't mind... i don't mind that i lost a life to that" / "i don't mind you dying" <-omg ............
#most unintentional parallel in the world probably but like. the cadence is so similar in the way it's said.....#'i don't mind you dying -- im sorry for you. im sorry that you are going to be a widow.'#'i don't mind... i don't mind that i lost a life to that. i don't- it doesn't matter. i care that i lost dingo'#twice widowed. man#also i'm just making a new liveblog post the long one was annoying me#ratastrophe liveblog#whisp whispers
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oka okay so. im going as orpheus for halloween so i thought yk why not lets listen through the cast recording tonight and. i reached his kiss, the riot and yk i've always been a big fan of it. underrated imo but i love the delivery of it, whenever i hear it recorded or live the hades always does great. buT i esp love the cast recording bc of this one specific moment at the end where hades takes this one, ragged breath in between the last lines (and doubt comes / doubt comes in) like YES an incredibly vulnerable moment from this literal brick wall of a character i love to see it you love to see it.
BUT. ON THIS LISTEN THROUGH. i can't believe it took me this fucking long to realize BUT I REALIZED
that sigh isn't from the burden of making such a hard decision or pain from having to give into the pleas of his wife or whatever. he's hesitant and pained and dare i say nervous BECAUSE HE FUCKING RELATES TO ORPHEUS. he sees himself in orpheus, he sees his younger self, what he used to be, in orpheus, and that's why he's scared. because he knows what young love is like. he knows very well what it feels like. but he also knows what young love eventually turns into.
so much of the song is not just about orpheus, but about hades's life as well anD I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST NOTICED SO I AM GOING SO INSANE OVER THE LYRICS NOW
but let there be some term to be agreed upon = love must have its barriers, its roadblocks. something must get in the way of true love. demeter HATED persephone's and hades's relationship. they were forced to live under the condition of only being able to see each other for half of the year
she's out of sight, he's out of his mind = once again being forced to see each other for only half of the year. when persephone is out of sight, hades goes mad, wondering if she'll return the following year, turning hadestown into a maze of factories just to give himself something to do, something to prove to persephone that he is worth keeping around
nothing makes a man so bold as a woman's smile = (in common versions of the myth) hades kidnaps persephone bc of how beatiful she is so. bit of a bold move i'd say
but all alone his blood runs thin = when blood runs thin you get cold easily, so you always look for warmth and try to stay as warm as possible. *gestures wildly at above statement of hades going mad and churning out factories, factories and plants that make hadestown 'way too hot', something abt being so freezing cold that no matter how much you turn up the heat, no matter how much you sweat and grind and work and work, there is chill in your bones*
AND DOUBT COMES. DOUBT COMES IN. = how would hades know that? is he talking about the natural flaws of man, of how humans always work? maybe, but if anything he's FUCKING PROJECTING. HE KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE.
hades knows what it's like to be in orpheus's position. he knows exactly what it's fucking like to be so in love but forced to be separate. he knows the doubt that comes in on a stupidly personal level. hell, they directly consulted with him on what to do on this issue. he knows that no matter how much love you have for a person, not being able to see them, hear them, feel them, can fuck you up. that is how the world is. but maybe not always. maybe, maybe it will turn out this time. because something about orpheus. about seeing the reflection of hades's past, of the man hades once was. something about orpheus gave hades the ability to see how the world could be. in spite of the way that it is.
GOOD NIGHT BROTHERS. GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.
#hadestown#writing#don't mind me i'm just dying over here#i saw it again a couple weeks ago ang god. dude you really forget how different seeing it live is#and how much it FUCKS YOU UP#anyways long rambling short i'm v excited to be orpheus on halloween (:
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