#don't mind me i'm being a lesbian on main

[ghostie-jakxy-gray]

First off all the love to the above @witchyravenarts <3! Awesome person and awesome writer all around!!! (but also how dare you make me to pick a favorite fic of mine TT)

If I Haaaaave to pick favorites:

1. The Rat That Feeds The Rattlesnake (Hadestown x Content SMP)

Part of the larger Gut and Idyll series that Morgana mentioned above, but pretty self contained entry point to the main series; also one of the longest fics I've actually finished. I love it so so so much. Basically, Folly gets yoinked into Hadestown plot and she and Rat and Lux have to figure out if there's a way to be un-yoinked.

2. A Cultural Study of Akliss Burae and the Assumed Fears (original)

otherwise known as the fic that taught me ao3 hyperlinks lol; a mini little character-study I did on one of my OCs as part of their culture and race. Copious amounts of linguistic finnicky translation stuff for my conlang also included, but I like it a lot

3. Study Of A Body As A Haunted House (proprioception invents a mouth) (Arcane)

Part of my OC-gets-isekai'd series, and one that almost certainly won't be finished for a While, but I really like the way I go about detailing thought processes in here. Plot is- OC and Viktor share a body, have to get through the Arcane main plot in spite of this.

4. Gods With Many Faces (fractured and repaired) (original)

two gods who were broken by the universe and broke it in turn make friends and meet up in a tree. Idk man, I have my pantheon and I love them so much.

5. Why We Build The Wall (Hadestown x Three Houses [malloy] )

Currently writing this one, it's part of the prequel-era Gut n Idyll, and it has The Lesbians. It's also hopefully not gonna be seven billion k long, and doesn't need that much if any prior knowledge to hop in on. Also, it'll introduce you to some actually awesome musicals.

~

As for other people's fics? (aside from those already tagged - go read those as well, they're Fun with a capital F.)

1. Dreaming Of Sunshine (Naruto Self-insert)

Holy mother of hell, this one is long and glorious and technically still updating, and so good I read the whole thing twice despite basically never going on ff.net. Brilliant brilliant brilliant, and the recursive community on ao3 is just the funniest best people ever? Cannot recommend this enough.

2. May Death Never Stop You (JJK x MHA)

Once again an insanely long isekai but this time it's Gojo Satoru reincarnated as Todoroki Touya. I am only in one of these fandoms but goddang if it hasn't hooked me since the start. It's long and fulfilling and has the sweetest of politically-relevant romance and I love it so so damn much.

3. Safe Place (Detroit Become Human)

... or just in general anything by AsexualofSpades but this is a fav of mine. Don't be fooled by the title tho, it's prominently Hurt/Comfort. Just a sweet little tidbit on some fool androids getting traumatized by - and then untraumatized by - their dad.

4. For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing (Steven Universe + others)

Genuinely the fic that most impacted how I write fanfiction. In that it is a Massive Sprawling Everything of a fic/series, weaving together anything and everything that can and should fit together, with some sections being small little poetic snippets of info and others being long plot-heavy things filled with triumphs and pitfalls and comedies and resolutions. It's permanently unfinished, but honestly I don't mind, the world created is cohesive enough it can stand alone.

5. A Twin Of Light (Dream SMP)

Best consumed in small bites. It's dark and awful in that cathartic way that I love so so much when I'm in the mood, and even when I'm not honestly. Basically the Streamers get yeeted into a realistic (for given measure of realistic) DSMP and have to con their way into not being killed. Follows the Fucker; but at this point I'm counting it as taking the character played in the internet-divorce to read fic of him. Anyway, there's something hypnotic about this fic. It's horrible for my mental health but I also want to curl up inside it and stay forever, exactly like the characters therein. Beautiful beautiful beautiful can't recommend enough, unless you are in any way not mentally prepared. (also it's a long mfer, but what of my favorites isn't)

Tagging:

@campfire-octopus @aoipuff @

... I genuinely don't remember which of y'all that I follow/follow me write fic, so anyone who sees this consider yourself welcome to join the bandwagon!

fic authors self rec! reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love!

thank you for tagging me @mangostarjam 🩷

is it casual now? (hinata shoyo)

notes: probably my favorite shoyo fic I've written, there's just so much of how I imagine him to be in this one and idk I just love the charming, flirty, kind, slightly possessive picture of him I painted here

surreal, but nice (miya osamu)

notes: I wrote it for bloomy's romcom collab and it was sooo much fun to put osamu in a notting hill setting! I still wanna write a part 2 really bad

like real people do (itoshi rin)

notes: I'm really happy with how the dialogue/dynamic in this one turned out, I got to balance sincere love, angst, complicated sibling relationships and hopefully gave rin a break lmao

et nunc et semper (aiku oliver)

notes: ancient rome au is so special to me! I also really love the dialogue, settings and dynamics in this one. I thought no one would be interested enough to read it but everyone has been so immensely nice

should've known better (rengoku kyojuro)

notes: hurt quite a lot of people with this one, sorry! I still adore it

rain is bad luck (shinazugawa sanemi)

notes: my first tumblr fic!!! also first fic I wrote in english :')

all eyes on you my magician (jjk various characters) (dark content)

notes: the secret history au my beloved!!! dark academia my most beloved!!!!! I love this one so much despite the heavy content, this fic probably has my favorite gojo

no pressure tags: any writer who wants to join + @strawberrystepmom, @nagumoan, @heavenlyakin, @tohruies, @lvmimis, @kweenkatsuki-fics, @gojoest, @yuujispinkhair, @ms0milk, @comatosebunny09, @chimielie

[lunarharp]

Very important conferences.

[selfship-confession-box]

to be quite honest. shipping with CANON (not headcanoned) exclusively gay/lesbian characters as someone of the gender they are explicitly not attracted to is a form of erasure and lowkey homophobic. 'just make them bi' is a bad take. bi people are amazing and valid but not everyone is bisexual??? 'theyre not real' is a bad take bc representation matters and i feel like that doesnt really need to be said. obviously the character isnt real and isnt offended but gay/lesbian selfshippers can see how much you dont gaf abt their identities. gay people exist in real life too!!! homophobia is still so acceptable in fandom spaces and its kinda wild.

Actually this one gets to skip the queue because we just had another anon push their luck about this. I WAS originally going to leave this in queue but now feels like a better time to nip this in the bud.

This is the LAST thing I'm saying about this topic because frankly it's the majority of what we've been getting recently and it's exhausting. All future asks about this topic WILL be deleted. AS STATED ABOVE. DO WHAT YOU WANT FOREVER. YOUR EXPERIENCE IS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE.

TAKING POTSHOTS AT EACH OTHER IS NOT A CONFESSION.

THAT'S CALLED BEING AN ASSHOLE.

k thanks bye

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Ok ok I'm gonna need y'all to check out Brilliant Minds because I need to yell about this with some people. This show is tailor made to be a Tumblr show and yet

You've got:

out gay main character played by a gay actor

neurodivergent main who is actually nice and who people sometimes don't get right away but they end up appreciating

mommy issues that are actually addressed in-show; his mother has some valid reasons for her behavior, but that doesn't excuse or eliminate the impact they had

diverse cast including great supporting characters that feel real and fleshed out and are, above all, interesting

characters with freely talked about mental health disorders

a medical show that emphasizes intense compassion for patients, which is seen by the establishment as a liability

most of the medical cases don't have simple fixes? which, as someone in the field (or, field-adjacent) with multiple chronic illnesses is super nice to see. there are no magical cures in this show. chronic conditions are seen as something to be managed, and the complexities of dealing with them are discussed

an actual gay relationship involving the main that has its challenges while they get to know each other. still too early in the show to see where they're going with it, but for now it's honest and satisfying

the main has face blindness, which informs how he treats his patients in a way that feels honest

the love interest is awkward AF and it's adorable

one of the primary supporting characters is an out lesbian, I can't wait to see what they do with her

the places where the characters live look like places where they would actually live? intern lives in a small dilapidated apartment in the Bronx, where the elevator is constantly broken, etc.

bad decision making that is yet so understandable, and has consequences that feel real

despite what some people have said, it's nothing like House, except it takes place in a hospital. and that's a good thing! I'm not knocking House, but this show is unique among medical dramas and deserves so much love for it

C'mon, friends, I need someone to join me to scream about this show, it's so good and it deserves to get renewed so we can see season after season of Zachary Quinto being gay and awkward and Teddy Sears being equally gay and equally awkward and all the deliciousness that results!

[fuckyeahimafangirl]

I come here late to give my opinion on what Nicole Maines said in her book about the Supercorp fandom (go to Twitter for more info, but she basically gave her point of view of things as a queer actor on the show having expected things from the queer fans, confirmed we were being queerbaited while also blaming us for some actors getting fired). I appreciate her side of things and feel for her. But reading that I felt that A LOT was overlooked, especially the context of it all. So sit back if you care enough to read this and come with me as I go on a rant and we go down memory lane to give some context into what it was like to watch Supergirl live as a Supercorp fan.

The first season of Supergirl had its fair share of ships. People liked Kara/Cat, Kara/James, Kara/Win maybe anyone? I don't remember that one but I'm sure there were people out there who liked them. Some people even liked Alex/Kara (a conversation for another time). Kara/Cat shippers could also like Kara/James, because both ships had some strong foundations in the narrative, they were undeniably good ships, regardless of how you feel about age-difference relationships or straight relationships lol. There wasn't mostly an issue, except with the ones that liked Kara/Alex.

In between the first and second season of Supergirl it was announced that a main character would be gay. They didn't say who, though. Speculation began, of course. They did say that Maggie Sawyer was coming to the show but it was not confirmed that she was going to be a lesbian and even less whose love interest. 

Then the second season premiered. And in the very first episode Kara Danvers meets Lena Luthor. Their scenes together were filled with sexual tension from the very beginning, look at their meeting scene without context and a bit of an open mind and most people will see their chemistry and think that maybe Kara was meeting her soulmate. And the first scene of Supergirl meeting Lena Luthor? It was already drawing a parallel between them and Lois/Clark, one of most iconic, recognizable and undeniable canon ships of all time. Drawing parallels between these two ships was the creators of the show's favorite pastime and it started from day one, before the ship had any fans because we hadn't met Lena just yet.

But in that episode we did meet her. And we fell in love fast. Because their interactions and the interest concept of Lena's character were good. Could it really be that Kara was the main gay character? Could it really be that they were going to give us an epic love story with Supergirl and a family member of her family's historically known enemy? Could they dare to make the famous superhero anything other than straight?

It wasn't just a delusion on our part at that time. It was a real possibility based on real facts. Kara had suddenly dropped the guy she spent the entire previous season chasing after. She got him and dumped him for no good reason (the writers didn't bother to give it a good excuse) and in the same episode she meets this woman, at the start of the season we were going to discover a main gay character.

These are all facts.

A few episodes later Maggie Sawyer makes her debut and it's clear that she's Alex's love interest from the first moment. Cool. It's not Kara but at least it's Alex (because, at the time, we know, WE KNOW, that they don't have two lesbian/queer women characters in the same show unless they're dating each other. How could we think that gay people will surround themselves with other gay people? silly us), that was the reaction: We still LOVED that it was Alex, because it still made sense. And it was difficult to find Sanvers fanfic without it having Supercorp in it because we were all the same people, of course most of us liked both ships. 

Now, I obviously don't know her, but I seriously don't think that Chyler can say she felt overlooked by the fans that season. Alex's coming out scenes were some of the best we had seen in our entire lives up until that point, and we made that known. Not all of us might have been on board with Sanvers (some storyline choices could've been questionable) but with Alex? No one loved her more than the queer Supergirl fans. And in the meantime Supercorp kept getting screen time, their friendship progressing in a Clois kind of way that was beautiful to witness. While Maggie and Alex's relationship advanced pretty quickly from an "I'm not gay" to a rejection to a proper first kiss, Supercorp was building a bit more organically as Supergirl kept saving Lena's life, as Lena opened up only to Kara, trusting her all the while Kara was keeping this huge secret from her. We ate that shit up, of course we did.

After season two was over we got the news that Floriana Lima (Maggie) was going to leave the show. I remember Chyler saying that she wanted to do right by us and whoever came next was gonna stay. And I'm not faulting Chyler for what came next, at all. Chyler was and always will be one of the best things on Supergirl and she has always treated the fandom with the utmost respect and love. And I hope she only received the same treatment back (and I hate to know she got those letters from people threatening to kill themselves, but let's have a little compassion for those people and their mental health, I hope they're doing well).

So Maggie left. And while some fans were not coping well with that, most fans understood it was the actress' decision. That was fine. What wasn't fine was the decision the writers made by making the breakup about not wanting babies when they were about to get married. How on Earth (any Earth) a couple don't talk about that particular issue BEFORE deciding to get married? It was an easy way out. But okay, it's just a TV show, I don't write it, we can move on from that... In the same season, at the same time this whole discussion and breakup occurs, the very same person who wanted to have kids has a meet-cute with a SINGLE MOTHER, Sam. The story was full of promise, she had a kid already with whom Alex got along amazingly, there was great chemistry between all three of them, Sam also had a dark secret being basically her sister's most powerful enemy, their relationship was mostly well built throughout the entire season. But guess what? She wasn't her new love interest, and left at the end of it. 

A lot of Supercorp fans LOVED AgentReign (Sam/Alex), by the way. A lot of Supercorp fans also loved ReignCorp (Sam/Lena) and a few even loved AgentCorp (Lena/Alex) and SuperReign (lol what was the name of this ship? I don't remember but Kara/Sam). And guess what? There wasn't a war between us. We were mostly the same people multishipping because it's fun and because these were interesting characters with interesting relationships created by the writers. We were inventing and wishing for stuff, but the foundations were laid for us, some (most) things were there and most of us were just screaming that we liked what we were being given and wanted more of that.

And that's why come season 4, some people were having a hard time accepting Dansen. Because we were mourning the loss of Sam and her relationship with Alex, the what ifs are always the worst, no matter the situation.  But most Supercorp fans embraced Kelly (and Azie, we love Azie and what we got to see of her relationship with Chyler, and Katie and Nicole), the vast majority of us ended up loving Dansen despite the writers not always doing a great job at writing their arcs. And it's awful that some fans treated her and other members of the cast horribly, but that was by far a small portion of the Supergirl fandom in general, and especially the Supercorp fandom. And, by the way, as a side note because racism was part of the problem for a minority of the fandom, A LOT of us in the Supercorp side of it are not white people from the US, A LOT of us are from other countries/races/cultures (that can be racist too of course, but the point is we don't know the races and motives of everyone behind a keyboard).

And that season most of us also embraced Nia because she was the first trans superhero, because of her queerness, because she was an awesome fun character, because she was relatable and geeky like most of us. We embraced her, her relationship with Kara and her relationship with Brainy. And we showed that by trending Nia related things, by adding Nia to our fanfics and fanarts. Nia was a Supercorp ally for most of us and we didn't exclude her from the art because we loved her as much as we love some of the other characters in the show.

Now, if Kara would have had, after the first season, one male love interest that was decent enough, we would have still love and wanted Supercorp, that's true (especially when it had been years of build-up) but most of us probably would have liked the pairing anyway, because we loved Kara Danvers and wanted her to be happy and to have the love she wanted at the beginning of the show (which she didn't get, by the way).

But the writers decided to give her, instead, another man who didn't treat her well. And I couldn't honestly tell you half of William's storyline because I couldn't care less. The creators of the show didn't make me care. Hell, I didn't even see Kara cared enough about that character. The writers should know their audience and should know that the audience needs moments to make them care about the characters, the writers have the power to make that happen. Many times I've seen a fandom hate a character one episode and love them by the next one, because sometimes all it takes is one good scene, or one good arc. William never had that. And now we have confirmation of what we knew all along, that maybe they were writing half-assed storylines for their love interests because they were too busy trying to figure out new ways to queerbait us. If they would have put a quarter of that effort into creating good love interests for Kara and/or Lena (but especially Kara), most of this conversation wouldn't still be happening 3 years later.

We embraced Andrea Rojas, we embraced her so much that we shipped her with Lena. Most of us weren't the blind Supercorp-or-nothing crazy fans a lot of people to this day make us out to be. When things were good, we mostly liked them. But please, please, let's be honest here, a lot of the time Supergirl was not a great-written show. And I get that those are Nicole's friends but a little objectivity, especially after all these years, would have come a long way.

These past few days I've read a couple of people saying Supercorp was the only good thing about the show. Those kinds of people were and still are a very very minority. A lot of us started the show before Supercorp existed and LOVED (still love) the Danvers sisters with all of our hearts. And the writers, at times, didn't know how to keep up with that relationship, the one that at first was the very center of the show, all that well either.

Most Supercorp fans didn't actually like that the 100th episode revolved all around Supercorp. 1) Because it was queerbaiting at its finest. 2) because it should've been about the Danvers sisters. Or at least about all Supergirl's most important relationships in equal measure. Yes, Lena was a big part of her, but ALEX EVEN MORE SO. The fandom didn't make that happen, we didn't fire any actor either. These were decisions made by the people who had the power to make anything in the show happen. If we would have had our way we all know what we would have done, and no, it definitely was not p**n (the most used AO3 tags for our ship speak for themselves).

I didn't see Nicole's last paragraph on the subject shared much. A lot of people didn't see that she acknowledged a small portion of the good the Supercorp fandom did.

But by the time you get to it, you already have a bad taste in your mouth. Because it still reads as if she's talking about us all without a care that "the toxic fans" were just a loud minority. Not to say that the good guys weren't louder, because Supercorp is still what it is to this day because we're still loud. So why is there very little mention of that? The way we supported Nia's episode? The way we supported Kelly's?

And because we were having fun and we were loud about our love for two fictional characters, WE WERE ALSO RECEIVING THREATS from some toxic fans, hell, the day before yesterday some fans were receiving death threats like it's 2017. Everything she says the cast and crew were dealing with, the Supercorp fans were dealing with it as well, and more so because the toxic people felt validated by the choices the creators made. Validated by some writers on Twitter making it worse. Validated by some of the actors who were also mocking us. We were all called delusional, and that was the most chill thing you could be called.

I understand her point of view, and I imagine that was not a great first experience in that kind of set, and I would love to have the opportunity to talk to actors about this topic that fascinates me (relationship between fandoms and cast/crew). But context is important, to see other people's point of views is important when having these conversations. She felt her own community wasn't supporting her when most of us were and that didn't come across at all. Not even with her final words. 

The fact is, they were hurt by a small part of their own fandom (which, by the way, they have no idea how old those toxic fans were. Not to say that adults are not toxic. But we, as the non-toxic adults, should also think of the demographic and react accordingly). And most of us, the queer Supercorp shippers, were also hurt by the toxic part of the fandom and by some of the people she's trying to defend. Let's be clear, there's not "mayyyybe," they were 100% wrong in queerbaiting the hell out of us from day one and mocking us for believing the bait. Make no mistake, most of this is a consequence of THAT. 

[beggars-opera]

Ok, so I live in one of the more liberal areas of the country. Our governor is a lesbian and I literally did not even know until after she got elected, because it was that much of a nonissue.

Lately, I'm seeing more and more local institutions doing things for Pride. Institutions that don't necessarily have to, or do so awkwardly, but they're trying to be good allies. And, even here, I see people foaming at the mouth. This thing is ruined. Unprofessional. Political. Sexual. Boycotting, disgusted, bye.

And a part of me is like, "Why would a random store, a museum, a restaurant, do this?" Part of my mind has been so corrupted by the idea of rainbow capitalism that the thought of someone just...trying to be an imperfect ally is a cash grab.

It's not. Every bit counts, and especially as we see pushback, and see some of those corporations beginning to rethink their rainbow capitalism, the places that continue to speak up are so, so important.

I'm reminded of a rant by Illustrious Old White Man Historian Gordon Wood a few years back where he lamented how fragmented modern history is. Why do we need ANOTHER book about women, about enslaved people, about the poor? Why are we focusing on these people instead of George Mount Rushmore Washington?

And it was an interesting framing, because he insinuated that these micro histories were bad not because they existed, but because they didn't give the whole story, which in Gordon's mind was a story in which they were the side characters instead of the mains. To that end a biography of G Wash that features the bare shadow of Billy Lee in the far distance is a complete history, all that needs to be said, because one of those figures is a God Amongst Men and the other does not deserve to be fully fleshed out as a full, autonomous human being with a family and a profession and a beating heart. And a biography of William Lee, war aid, professional valet, and person closest to the first president of the United States, with the shadow of George in the background, would consequently be Bad History, because no one is saying that this man didn't exist, but his story isn't the whole story. It's backwards; he should be a footnote, and if he's not, that's bias.

But for me, as a historian, I know that the reason these microhistories exist, and are so important, is that they didn't exist before. Before someone can be truly, purposefully, tactfully inserted into the historical narrative, you need to know who they are. Not just as a name, not just as an archetype. You have to get to the point where there are so many books flooding the market about women and children and immigrants that it's no longer controversial to be talking about them, where learning about them instead of someone else is normal.

THEN you can feel good about rewriting the more general narrative. THEN you can actually have the information you need in order to put things into their proper context, to rethink the most important figure in each story, to assess what the full milieu of the time is.

And that's where we're at with Pride. We are still very much living in a time where queer people are shadow characters in the background. They are people that many will admit exist, but for god's sake, don't make them important, don't make them real, don't make them normal. And until we can shove rainbows down everyone's throats to the point where being queer is no longer seen as a thing that is Other, until we convince people that we're not going away, we will never be able to fully assimilate queerness into society.

We can't just be normal about Pride, because normal isn't loud enough to not get drowned out.

[cynisterlycylly]

Ok to celebrate Valentine's day and because I'm bored here are my thoughts on as many murder drones ships as I can think of

Nuzi- nice and sweet ship, just don't think about the age gap

Vuzi- a nice and sweet enemies to lovers

Envy- honestly I don't care for this ship, I don't dislike it but it's not a ship I actively look for fanart of but I don't mind when it does show up

Nuziv or nuvi or envuzi- the best of all worlds, the best ship for these 3 characters (but please decide on a name)

Juzi- it's kinda just vuzi but they never stopped hating each other (toxic Yuri let's gooooo)

Full company/Uzi x N x V x J- honestly the idea of Uzi of all drones stop the robo genocide by banging all the dissembly drones is so funny to me

Tuzi/Tessa x uzi- I'm kinda surprised that this isn't more popular, robot lover x human hater in my opinion it could be great

Cynuzi- it's one of the few ships that involve Cyn that I like

Thuzi- nuzi for people who don't like nuzi

Uzi x Doll- honestly surprised I don't see this more often, rival X main character it's a staple for fandoms

Uzi x Lizzy- bully Yuri or something I'm running out of things to say about Uzi ships

Uzi x Uzi- ah yes because Uzi didn't have enough ships

Oilrose- it's okay but I prefer other ships more

Codegold- I don't like the ship but I also think the part of the fandom that treats it like the most toxic thing ever is dumb

Vhad- eh it's fine but feels like you just want V to be with a guy shorter than her

Nhad- kinda feels like too much of a good thing, like these 2 are too chill and nice for anything interesting to happen

Vizzy- I really like it, I love the idea of 2 people who act like they don't care about anything but also are very gay for each other

Dizzy- I am running out of ways to say that I like yuri

Jessa/rippingroyals- the best ship ever I love it so much. I love that it's either 2 gay idiots who don't know that they're gay for each other or its doomed Yuri, either way it's peak lesbians

Cyn x V- I don't really get this ship, no hate if you ship it but I personally don't vibe with it

Cyn x J- ok I kinda vibe with this but I only really like it when it's just more Jessa angst with J wanting to be with Tessa and Cyn being the closest thing to her

Cyn x thad- I've seen like 1 person ship this and it was pretty cute fan art so it's approved

Khori- I think it's sweet and nice

Nori x Yeva- something something old woman Yuri

Nori x Alice- something something toxic old woman Yuri

Alice x teacher- why does every straight ship in murder drones boils down to crazy girl x chill dude

Cyn x N- I hate this ship. This is one of the few ships that I will judge you for shipping and I will probably block you

(edit thought of a couple more ships)

[hyperlexichypatia]

In general I think "Who is allowed to reclaim what slurs" is among the most pointless, niche, irrelevant debates to take up oxygen in progressive spaces, especially when the "slur" is actually a community-preferred alternative to pathologizing language (I don't want to enforce "Only fat people can say 'fat'" or "Only mad people can say 'mad'"; I want thin neurotypicals to stop calling us "obese" and "suffering from mental disorders").

I used to care about this. I used to be strongly of the opinion that it's only okay to use "as reclamation" a slur if you, yourself, are actually the category of person being described, not just someone "mistaken for" or "called" that.

The main reason I felt that way was because of my deep revulsion of non-intellectually-disabled neurodivergent people using the R word, and shielding themselves with "But I'm dyslexic/autistic/whatever, and bullies called me that, so I'm allowed to use it!"

And I used to actually care about arguing "No, just because bullies called you that doesn't mean you actively live under the structural oppression of people labelled intellectually disabled," which is true, just as it's also true that a not-queer-at-all cishet guy who got bullied and called queerphobic slurs in high school because he wore a pink t-shirt one day isn't actually gay and doesn't actually experience any structural queerphobia once he leaves high school.

But that's not really the problem.

The problem is that the debate is being framed around "Who counts as what?" or "Who is allowed to say what?" rather than "What are they saying?"

The problem isn't whether any given person "can" "reclaim" a slur, it's that people use their identities and positionality as a shield to argue for the oppression of other people.

That non-intellectually-disabled neurodivergent person, are they saying "I was bullied for being different, so I support and empathize with anyone who is oppressed for how their mind works"? Or are they saying "I'm The Relevant Positionality too, so I'm ALLOWED to say that Those Other Ones shouldn't have rights"?

Particularly in queer spaces, there is such an emphasis on positionality and a hierarchy of oppression and a stigma on comparing experiences or equating experiences, and it's all centered around who can use what terms, or "slurs," even though the problem is that all terminology used to describe queer people is a slur, because we live in a queerphobic society that uses queerness as an insult (begging people to learn about the euphemism treadmill).

The more important question than "Is this person the right kind of queer to be allowed to say this?" is "Are they speaking in favor of queer rights or against queer rights?"

Because some of y'all, I swear, if a bi lesbian said "As a lesbian, I think lesbians should be hunted for sport" would spend the next 6 months debating whether a bi lesbian counts, and if a straight man said "I'm a straight man, but I think hunting lesbians for sport is wrong," y'all would admonish him for speaking over lesbians.

[gilbirda]

How to Write Women, a quick guide by me

Hello! I was recently inspired to write a series of educational posts so I thought maybe it would be useful for someone.

I want to preface this that there is no criticism intended. I understand that female characters in general have been neglected in media, and I don't blame fandom for not understanding how to write a woman if there hasn't been a good reference in their lives.

My objective is that you, the reader, finish this post with a basic structure and few questions to ask yourself when writing a female character; and with the terms and curiosity to research more if you'd like to expand.

I'm no professional writer, but I've been writing for more than 20 years at this point, and I specialize in writing female protagonists and writing organic romantic storylines.

Here we go.

I want to write a woman, where do I start?

Writing women, at the end of the day, is no different than writing a man. Really, that's the trick.

Disappointed I'm not giving some kind of hot takes about this?

Good.

Because it should be that simple, but to get to that point we should unravel some baseline thought process that can and will get in the way even if you try to write a good female character.

A few questions to ask yourself are:

Why am I writing this character?

Does she have agency in her own story?

Does she have her own goals and aspirations?

Let's break them down:

Why am I writing this character?

What do I like about her? Is she annoying? Is she a hero? A villain? An antagonist? What thing do I like about her canon characteristics (for fanfic writers)? What would I change?

As mentioned at the beginning, female characters usually are not very well written. They are usually fridged or used only as a reminder that MC (usually a man) has emotions and vulnerabilities.

Take a moment to think about it. Think about the feelings her character gives you, and what are the things you do know about her. Think about wasted potential, or unanswered questions about her actions and plot lines that left you wanting more.

If you find her annoying, wonder why — usually, a female character being "annoying" or "not interesting" is tied to her not being developed enough, and pushed into a one-dimensional role. Pay attention at how many speaking lines she has, that usually gives you a clue of how much her character is developed.

Once you have decided who you want to write, this is where it gets interesting.

What kind of story do you want to tell? What role does she play in it?

When making the structure of the story and developing the plot, wonder about how exactly the female character(s) add to the table. Again, female characters can fulfill any role in a story, but watch out!

Bitchy mean girl lesbian

Motherly mommy mom/sister/friend that takes care of everyone

The "healer" of the team

These 3 roles have been used as boxes to fit female characters for ages. Be careful if you think you are pushing her into one of these.

But how can you avoid the tropes?

Does she have agency in her own story?

Or: if you remove her from the story, nothing changes?

Go into your mind palace, and remove the interactions and scenes the female character is in. Does the story still work? Could her lines be easily delivered by someone else?

If the answer is yes, then she doesn't have any agency.

It doesn't matter if she is a main character or a supporting character — she should have a say on the events or some kind of influence in the development of the plot.

Maybe she has a skill that is needed multiple times during the story, or maybe she has past experiences that are a mystery and unraveling her secrets reveals a plot twist, or maybe turns out she was the traitor all along. Make her MATTER.

Does she have her own goals and aspirations?

Or: Is she existing for someone else's sake?

This one is useful for the "mommy" character or the "healer" character.

Go into your mind palace again and think if you remove the female character's loved ones from the equation, does she have something to do?

If the answer is no, then she doesn't exist for herself.

She could still love and take care of others, but she has to exist for something else than that. Make her dream and yearn, and make mistakes, and sacrifice thing for selfish reasons.

Romance is usually a goal given for female characters (and that's a whole other topic I hope to write another post about), and it's a good one! Just be careful with falling for the trap of swapping the people (usually men) she exists for.

Give her hidden agendas, convoluted selfish secret reasons, make her want to destroy the world! Make her want to pursue the truth, chase someone for revenge, be a thrill seeker. Make her HUMAN.

In Conclusion

A quick trick I use when I write female characters is: If I swap her gender, nothing changes?

Of course there's nuance, but that keeps me grounded when even the questions I went over in this post are not enough for me.

Again, writing female characters should not be that different from writing men. If it feels different, ask yourself why and try to understand where the thought comes from.

NOTE: If the point of the story is to discuss the problem of codependency, or portray a toxic relationship, by all means skip checking about agency or her having goals. Rules are there to break them, but first you have to understand them.

I hope this helps someone and I will add and edit this post as needed, maybe to add useful links.

Happy writing!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Taiwan has one show, but that's all they need

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I don’t say this often but I LOVE this love triangle. The longing gazes = chef's kiss. I like that we are finally getting flashbacks to Tai’s side of the love affaire. This show remains highly engaging. So pleased for MaxNat.  

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 5 of 8 - More lesbians! Yay! Meanwhile, when our leads make up they make out! (Yes I’m proud of myself.) I think this might be BLs first rooftop sex scene. We’ve reached new heights, BLabies. (Yes I’m proud of that too.) Anygay, basically a soap opera at this point, I'm not thrilled but I don’t mind.

"Do you apologize for being straight?"

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - It was lovely. Very well done celebrity leaving the closet ep. Nice ensemble work too. Next week is doom! As expected. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. It’s fine but overly very pulp feeling for something from GMMTV. I'm a little concerned.

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - meh.

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7 of 8 - Never turned up on my usual sites. So will have to wait until next week. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 7 of 11 - Qian was, indeed, the one who couldn’t let go. This show is fucking fantastic. It's the best thing I'm watching right now by a mile.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 3-8fin - The bully and the blue-haired drummer side pairing were great. I hated the father. Hated him so much. Our main tsundere seme was a bit too tsundere for me. I was v annoyed by the time he finally softened. I'm amused by all the ways they finagled boys kissin-but-not-kissing in the first half of this show. 2024's "pan around the back of the head" has now become a "dipping of the brolly." We did, however, eventually get an okay kiss.

Honestly?

This was basically what I wanted from Given and didn’t get. So I’m pleased. The music still wasn't great, but you can skip those bits. A solid enemies to lovers BL, where the sins of brothers' past haunts the present. Great optics, decent chemistry, and a tidy script even if tsundere characterization went a bit extreme in some cases. 8/10 RECOMMENDED trigger for suicide

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - We got the past betrayal in detail and it was decently bad. Bitterness understood. Too soon to live together! The BL U-Haul strikes again. I do like their weird curry passive aggressive argument. This is an interesting show. Do I LOVE it? No. But I think I like it.

On a not-really-related note: adoption, including adult adoption, is actually pretty common in Japan (comparatively). It's often tied to business scionism.

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8fin - It all turned out to be a tragic GL in the end. Not BL = not my problem. No rating. I will forget its existence right about… now. 

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Okay, weirdly kinky with the head scratching. Not much has happened and I’m not wild about what has. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN but I need my other computer and I'm traveling as usual. So I'll get caught up next week and probably won't regularly be able to watch this one.

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much for me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - Completed. Worth watching?

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

In the news

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari is getting the undeserved honor of Furritsubs. Follow them for details. Tip 'em if you like 'em. (Will I watch it? Oh, probably. Damn it.)

Then Next Prince turned out to be a trailer only. Word on the webs is we will be lucky if we get it this year. It’s BL Princess Diaries. Jimmy has a new pairing (that boy from Night Dream) which is... interesting. All in all, this show does not look good. Pretty but not good.

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/12 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

Still to Come in April

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

See City of Stars & Unknown.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

name: mithi - not really, just family nickname

she/they - equal pref

16

desi

lesbian

questioning demi/grayromantic

11th grader in science stream

intj-t

dni: racists, misogynists, homophobes, transphobes, any bigots really

rules: don't be any of the above mentioned; don't be creepy; if u dm me don't just say 'hi' or 'hey', i won't respond (it's always the old men who do this??)

fun fact!: i was born exactly at 11:11 p.m.

libra sun, gemini moon, cancer rising (idrk what it all means tho)

mental: unstable, go through depressive phases, gritted-tooth optimist, generally a bit sad and numb and lonely

physical: brown skin, black hair, v dark brown eyes, 5'6/168cm, wear glasses, kinda a face reveal?

sideblogs :

studyblr: @academicgremlinhehe here to keep my procrastination in check

mental health/vent/ranting: @thyhonesteheorte here cuz i'm too scared to be especially depressing on main

ns/fw sideblog: @thy-wench-hath-gone here for idk exploring my sexuality somewhere else, not gonna be horny on main yk

feel free to check me out on :

blog - like an actual site, not this beauty chaos

ao3

that odd melancholy feeling - current ongoing marylily fic on ao3

pinterest - still in the middle of organizing so mind the chaos!

life goals :

become an academic weapon once again - summoning pre 9th grade me n making her better

multiple degrees?? yes pls to being disgustingly over-educated

work in research + part time writer

independence

travel the world

tagging system! :

#mithi's own - all original posts

#she communicates oh my! & #com com - answering asks, tag games, i switched to the 2nd tag cuz many ppl thought i was referring to them😭

#poetic lil mithi - original poetry

#artsy mithi - original art

#mithi's marauders - all posts relating to my marauders fanfiction

#wishful necromancy - posts relating to the marauders fandom hehe get it?

#hades kid yapping - posts abt da pjo fandom

#slightly less beloveds - posts about fandoms apart from the marauders

#on the record :) - lyric posting

#musings from thy truly - journal extracts, vents, stuff that should be in my journal but i was too lazy to write with my hand, shit posts, life updates, literally anything that has words and isn't poetry or fandom-related

#tis bout 'n' - about a friend i've known on n off since 1st grade

#tis bout 'a' - yapping about the girl i constantly yap with at school<3

#moody mithi - moodboards, web weaving, etc yk

#filmy mithi - posts featuring my own pics :)

#mithistudies - studyblr posts made until 10th october 2024 (later created my studyblr sideblog)

current read! : crime and punishment (fyodor dostoevsky), jane eyre (charlotte bronte)

current watch! : -

current obsessions! : telling myself 'suck it up bitch u've been lazy long enough', thinking thinking thinking every moment my entire being is not occupied with some other task

hobbies! : sketching, chess, photography, writing, recording vlogs, listening to music + analyzing lyrics, reading, watching movies & shows, piano, contortion & gymnastics

music! : gracie abrams, lorde, olivia rodrigo, chappell roan, cavetown, clairo, hozier, ethel cain, phoebe bridgers, paris paloma, mckenna grace, billie eilish, conan gray, chloe ament, mitski, tv girl, beach bunny, girl in red, adrianne lenker, lana del rey, wallows, alex g, florence + the machine, boygenius, chloe moriondo and many many more!!

lit! : solitaire, heartstopper, pjo, hoo, toa, soc, p&p, wuthering heights, jane eyre, great gatsby, sherlock holmes, agggtm, ouabh, and many many more!!

shows! : heartstopper, atypical, lotr: rings of power, pjo, young royals, dickinson, sherlock, s&b, and many many more!!

movies! : lady bird, p&p (2005), the perks of being a wallflower, dating amber, little women (2019), lotr & hobbit trilogies, thg triology + tbosas, dead poets society, and many many more!!

last updated: 11th february 2025

[timeslipcamp]

honestly looking up the demons in the ars goetia was the worst because as i was reading through it and looking at some of the connections i was like DAMN this is really cool. aw man, now ive gotta do a whole post on subarus demon smh

spoilers through ep 15

back at it again with the crack theories!! it's what i do best, what can i say.

initially, when i was going through the demons in the ars goetia, i was like "huh, dantalion sounds a lot like dandelion. i wonder if that's going to have to do with us." and then i got further in my list and saw it was subaru's demon and there went that theory. and THEN i read more about dantalion and holy shit dude

anyways this is just a post going a lil more in depth on subaru's stigma, demon, and where i think he fits in the story

so first off, the ars goetia is fucking bonkers. in my professional opinion (i'm an opinionated nerd and a former humanities major), all grimoires that were written around the 13-15 centuries (and were widely publicized) are so goofy. the like, "modern" witchcraft thing is so funny to me because these experts were just making things up and making up their rules and all wildly contradicting each other in every book. i love the drama

but that's not what you're reading this for so i'll get off my soapbox

several of these demons are listed in a bunch of grimoires, but the tkdb wiki (however reliable) lists the ars goetia, so we'll go with that description

shoutout to wikipedia for having one of the only compilations of info that didn't have pretentious drivel to get through (i'm not being a hypocrite shh). tumblr mobile stop deleting my drafts challenge

as far as i can gather, the rankings in the ars goetia are meaningless lol. each demon has their title and their legions and satan rules over all. each demon is also listed as the things they were meant to teach, because the purpose of having these demons in a list was for summoning purposes. you would summon a demon, wear its seal so you could control it, and ask it questions based on what it had dominion over.

the demon's other abilities were what i was really interested in, especially in relation to subaru. the first one listed is the ability to declare counsel on anyone; basically he can read minds. he knows anyone's secret thoughts and can also apoarently change them to his will.

this one applies directly to subaru's stigma. his stigma is the ability to read residual thoughts from people and objects. there is zero doubt in my mind that if we were to enhance his stigma, he'd be able to read active thoughts. or more! luca summoned a whole ass creature with his and all he can do is guard or whatever. who knows what he could do? change thoughts maybe?

manipulate thoughts to the point of someone being intermittently amnesiac? side eyeing my incomplete taiga theory post

the next ability listed isn't as relevant, "cause love and show similtude", but the NEXT part: "show the same by means of a vision." could subaru, in theory and while using us, project the memories he's seeing so that everyone can see them as well?? i think so!!

the last part is also just so subaru, "many faces," meaning he can appear as anyone, man or woman. ngl, i thought subaru was a lesbian the first time i saw him and got so excited, but this is definitely referring to his ability to act. we saw a bit of it in episode 15 where he auditions for the haunted house and then acts like SUCH a freak in that room. love him.

there's also a part about the demon always being depicted holding the book but idk what that means yet, will revisit later

subaru's abilities are so fascinating and honestly he has so much potential to do some crazy shit with us boosting his stigma. i do think he fits aomewhere into my theory about what's going on with taiga's memory but again, i don't have a solid theory yet just because of how little information we have.

the main theory thatni have about subaru is that i think he did have something to do with taiga's memory issues, and i do think he's the type of person that could be blackmailed into helping the faculty and work against the ghouls. his stigma would allow him to get an insane amount of information on the other ghouls simply by touching things discarded by them. the galaxy express area is full of lost items, it'd be a field day for him. who knows how much he's found out about the campus just by grabbing things in there?

maybe he doesn't leave his room anymore because he found out too much last year. maybe he doesn't want darkwick to use him any more than they already have. who knows?

what we do know is that subaru is a squishy little freak and i'm so fascinated by him and his story. can't wait for the next sinostra chapter to come out and (hopefully) get more info on taiga.

asks and dms always open!

[kiefbowl]

hi, sorry for sending this outta nowhere but i guess i just need some advice. i'm a lesbian still in the closet, and there's a guy in my class who likes me. i know this because he straight up told me he'd like to be "at least friends" with me, and has called me hot "jokingly" before multiple times. the thing is, he's not a bad guy, if he wasn't into me i'd even like to be friends with him, but knowing he likes me that way makes me feel gross, makes me feel objectified. i can't hang out with him without imagining how he really thinks about me, what he imagines. he's been getting kinda touchy lately, like nowhere inappropriate, just on my shoulders and stuff, but i hate it. and i guess this is really starting to get to me, i feel so relieved when he doesn't show up to class (we're in the same class in college), and i feel tense when we talk, even if it's a fun conversation. it's starting to impact my day to day life, i feel like a piece of meat. when he said he'd like to be "at least friends" with me, i said (among other things, it was a long conversation) that i was looking for friendships, emphasis on friends. i know i should have straight up told him i wasn't interested in him romantically, but i got scared of his reaction. i don't think he'd get mad, but he'd definitely be hurt on some level. he's the main extrovert in our friend group in uni, the "glue" of the group per se, and i'm scared of people isolating me when they figure out something happened between us and i'm the reason he's sad. i want to tell him i'm a lesbian so he doesn't think i'd reject him because i dislike him, but i don't know if he's homophobic, and i'm so scared of him being one of those weirdos with a lesbian fetish. one say he saw me reading dykes to watch out for, he asked what it's about and i told him it was about the lives of a group of lesbians. i was hoping so bad he'd get the hint, but i don't think he did.

i don't know what to do. i guess i'm waiting for him to ask me out directly so i can be more firm, i can't just randomly tell him i'm not interested without the subject having come up naturally, but i'm getting kinda desperate.

I'm going to give you a few pieces of broad advice that I think will help you:

First: Any amount and any kind of touching that you don't want is inappropriate touching. You don't have to wait until it gets "bad" or "worse" until you say something. If someone jokingly touches your shoulder and you don't like it, you are within your right to say "I don't want you to touch my shoulder like that anymore" and that person, as a good person and a good friend, should immediately respect that. This is true if it's a man or a woman, someone you know or a stranger, or even family. It's your body, you get to dictate your boundaries.

Second: Retribution from friends because you aren't making yourself available as a dating option for someone is a sign of terrible, awful friends and, frankly, just as people in general. I understand being scared, especially if you think any violence is at risk, but when you're in a situation where you can't act in your own self-interest because you are too afraid of punishment, it's worth asking yourself what you are getting from these friendships beside just general companionship and not being alone. Why are these people worth your time in your opinion? Yeah, maybe they're funny and nice, maybe they aren't "evil", but are you too afraid to give them reasons to prove they actually aren't nice? Well then, it's probably because you know they aren't actually nice.

Third: You don't need to make up a rule book in your head then ask me permission to break those rules. You can tell him you're not interested, because it's not random, it's something that's weighing on your mind. You are actually the focal point in this conversation because it's about you and you are experiencing your life, not him and not your friends. If you think it will seem random to him, frame it in a way so it isn't. You can say things like, "I have a hunch you're interested in me romantically, and if that's true I want to be clear that I am not interested in that from you" or "I have something that's been weighing on my mind, and it feels awkward to talk about, but it makes me uncomfortable, and I want to discuss it with you."

Fourth: No one in this world will ever or even can fight for your comfort and pleasure that best benefits you except for you. You can sideline your own comfort forever, and what that will get you is an uncomfortable existence. There's no two ways about that. So why not fight for your comfort and pleasure, why not do the uncomfortable thing that gets you what you want than do the uncomfortable things that doesn't get you anything you want? A lifelong struggle for all of us to some degree, but perhaps this is the best time in your life to push yourself in this way. Good luck :)

[drdemonprince]

hey! i have a question abt your cruising guide if you don't mind, regarding something that (unless i totally missed sth, in which case i'm very sorry for wasting your time) i felt was completely absent but happens to be my main concern. (i'm already a huge slut, so anonymous/short term sexual encounters in themselves aren't the issue for me.) i'll put it bluntly: how am i supposed to pick anyone up in a gay male cruising space (irl/not on an app) when i look like a woman? i'm not a total stranger to gay bars, which is why i'm very sure that people in a cruising space are far, far more likely to take me as an intruder looking to be pleasantly scandalized than someone like them who they might want to have sex with, not to mention have sex with as a man(-adjacent). i also know it's likely that i'm projecting at least some of my dysphoria onto these hypothetical encounters, but it doesn't seem like an unjustified fear, either. i (fwiw: perisex, afab, some type of agender-nonbinary) have been on t for abt 9 months now, but i haven't had top or bottom surgery (i want both but so far it's unclear when that is going to happen) and my breasts are too large to be really concealed by a binder (not to mention that i can't fuck in a binder bc they give me awful headaches), i'm very short and ~curvy~, i have very little body/no facial hair, and people in casual daily interactions certainly don't hesitate to address me as a woman. it just seems preposterous to assume that there's anything abt me a man looking for another man could be attracted to. i guess it's possible someone could be a chaser after my specific type, but that's not an encounter i want to have right now. as far as my question to you is concerned, i want to have sex with a man who is into men, and at the very least won't see me as a girl wanting to be fucked like a man. i know that there is no way to objectively predict these things, experiences and tastes vary and so on, but i would be extremely grateful if you could share some of your experiences or give me some other pointers for how to approach this/what to expect. as it is, if i were to enter a darkroom, i assume i would be asked to leave, but preemptively telling myself that it's hopeless and to forget abt it for at least the next several years seems unnecessarily cruel, too. if there's any advice or experience you can share, thank you so so so much, and if not, thank you anyway for taking the time to read this letter of woe and for putting your perspective out there, it's been a balm to be understood. wishing you all the best x

Buddy -- it is (largely!) your dysphoria talking! Lots of queer men will wanna fuck you and they will wanna do it in a queer way. I walked around Steamworks fully tiddy out regularly and I had a great time.

It's true that in more general gay bars people will sometimes misread you, and that it will hurt, but trust me that lots of queer men are already attracted to you. If anything, I've noticed that in general queer spaces cis gay men sometimes default to assuming that you won't be interested in them and give a polite distance that they will happily do away with if they know you're looking and welcome their attention. A lot of guys don't want to accidentally be predatory to someone who they think might be a lesbian or not interested in men. (Again, being mistaken for something you are not really fucking sucks and can drive your dysphoria crazy, I get it, but do keep in mind that sometimes people do this out of a desire to be respectful, not because they're turned off that you're such a Womanly Woman or whatever.)

My first recommendation for you would be to GET ON GRINDR. Post some pics that make it clear what you're working with, physically, and list your identity clearly on your profile. When I first got a grindr I had a really slutty abs-and-underboob pic that got me a TON of attention from queer men, who treated me like a man, and it immediately assuaged all my concerns that I wasn't welcome on there. I think it will do a lot for your self-confidence and sense of belonging to try the same too.

Now, I don't want to be pollyannaish about any of this -- yes there are transphobes. In my experience they're mostly pretty quiet to trans men, they'll just pass you by for the most part. Yes there are people who will say awkward things. Block liberally and often and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. But honestly, these are the kinds of issues you will run into within any dating platform, and the gay world is pretty damn blase and chill about the inclusion of trans men for the most part. You can absolutely put yourself out there -- and the sooner you do, the sooner you'll realize that your insecurities are not rooted in the reality of how other queer men mostly feel.

I wish I had put myself out there YEARS earlier! A lot would have changed for me if I had.

[leikeliscomet]

Heartstopper's Aspec Representation Isn't For Me - And That's Okay (Mini Essay)

Spoilers for Series 3!

So I just finished series 3 and I feel conflicted. I don't hate Heartstopper at all. I think it's a very cute show. I'm happy queer baby gen z and gen alpha have something to see themselves in, I love how Tara, a darkskin Black lesbian girl is happy in her relationship. I'm happy Isaac makes my fellow aspecs happy. I'm happy Charlie tore Ben's singlet in series 2 and for once the victim/survivor is allowed to not forgive their assaulter. I like Heartstopper's little moments but I've felt like something was missing overall and now we're on the third season, I think I know what it is now. There's comments on BL and yaoi by Alice Oseman I don't fully agree with, some of the acting in the show could be a bit better I guess, most of the characters are comfortably in the British middle class and I am a grown adult now so my interest in school/teen dramas has dipped a little bit (but not you Waterloo Road ily <3). So to an extent, there were always gonna be limits on how much I enjoy this show, but nevertheless, I still think they're worth pointing out, especially if we're claiming Heartstopper for the next gen of queer rep. Because honestly having watched shows like Heartbreak High and Koisenu Futari plus being a massive Selah and the Spades fan, I feel a bit robbed in terms of quality.

Isaac still feels underdeveloped and for a show that's been going on for 3 series now this feels disappointing. Like obviously Nick and Charlie get all the screentime as they're the main characters. Tao and Elle got a lot more juicer storylines from s2, Tara and Darcy got more to work with this series even if it was rushed (oh I miss you long series 2010s shows), but Isaac still feels leaps behind everyone else. He didn't really get anything in series 1. In series 2 we saw him coming to terms with his identity which felt like a good starting point but I was still waiting for the 'big asexual plans' Alice Oseman promised and... nothing. I liked his comment about googling aromanticism to Charlie because the representation by PowerPoint style of aspec writing can get tired. I also liked his moment of feeling left out by his friends plus still wanting to know Nick and Charlie's tea, giving him sexual agency whilst aroace instead of feeding into infantilisation. But apart from that... nothing. I wanted to feel more moved by the aquarium scene, but it felt tacked on because whilst Isaac's upset was justified, Imogen just wanted to chat about gay fish, so Isaac came across as a little passive-aggressive instead of what was supposed to be his moment. Plus it feels a little backhanded how much effort series 1 went to in how big coming to terms with your identity is, plus the gorgeous way Isaac's aroace revelation was filmed in series 2 was filmed just to have him blurt it out in an aquarium and have barely any of his friends actually support him like he supported them. But life imitates art I guess. This whole season we've seen characters talking about university plans, gap years and going through the post-16 struggle. But what about Isaac? We never find out what uni he wants to go to or even if he wants to go. What subjects does he like? What job does he want post-school? What's his relationship like with his family? The people need to know! I always found it weird how Isaac was left out to the point where straight characters, whilst still bearing in mind that Tao x Elle is an interracial pairing between two POC and one of which is a trans girl and this is very rare and deserved representation too, had gotten more screentime than him. Imogen, Sahar, Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk had all been introduced for bigger storylines but Isaac, despite being in the main group, still had to wait for his share. This series was such a huge moment for everyone but Isaac... again. And whilst I'm happy if everyone else is, I genuinely feel like we all deserve better.

Tori was given bigger moments this series and that was great because I was waiting for my introverted slurping sister to come through. Her concern and care for Charlie and jealousy of Nick were great plus with the introduction of Michael, it was all leading to the big reveal of Tori being ace, right? Right? Wrong, because this scene was cut from the ferris wheel moment and I have no idea why. Oseman confirmed it was because Tori's storyline will continue in s4 and she didn't want to rush it but like, what? Series 3, at least in my eyes, did an alright job at building up her coming out. And again, if Nick could get his bi awakening in a one series arc, why can't this asexual character then too? They also covered Darcy's non-binary transition and coming out in this series too so I don't know why there wasn't room for Tori apparently. There was plenty of room for an 'I'm asexual' within those 5 minutes. Waiting to develop her in series 4, which is yet to be confirmed and likely to be the show's last series so it will already have a lot to do with wrapping up the Nick x Charlie saga seems like a poor decision. This is the second time we've had to wait till next season for the aspec character's arc by the way.

I'd like to see some aroallo POVs on this but this season put a lot of emphasis on linking love and sex together and it felt a bit strange icl. Yes, they're linked socially/societally and it's great to have sex with someone you love and love someone you have sex with etc etc etc but the first 2 series made a point of separating the two by showing love without sex and how it was just as meaningful. Almost every time a character was sexually attracted to another e.g. calling them hot or started making out because they wanted to have sex in that given moment there would be a dialogue from one of them going 'it's okay we're in love 'it's normal you're in love' 'well that's what people in love do!' and these are all correct statements but like... we get it! You don't have to be head over heels in love to find someone sexually attractive or just want to have sex with them. It's okay if you're not in love too y'know? I'm not sure what that constant reassurance was for because depicting sex without love isn't as pearl clutchy as it seems when all parties are safe, consenting and comfortable, or, if you've ever had any knowledge about aro(allo) spaces tbf. Nick and Charlie are not aspec and are very much sexually attracted to each other so the conclusion of them having sex isn't surprising at all, especially when I already knew from tweets back in series 1 that Heartstopper the comic already had a storyline later on of the two having sex for the first time. Plus the other characters aren't aspec either so their sexual debuts are also unsurprising and deserved. Plus, I'm actually glad they included Tara and Darcy having sex because many 'sex positive' shows seem to leave out the lesbians. But for a show with an aroace creator and aspec characters, the depictions of romance and sex don't feel like they were written from an aspec lense or for an aspec audience. It's normal for people to be romantically and sexually attracted to each other and then date and have sex. But if you're aspec, you know this. We all know this. This is the mainstream and default depiction of human (hetero)sexuality. We're watching the queer shows to see something different from that. When romance without sex can only hinge on the characters being below the age of consent plus a supposed 'innocence' due to their young age and sex without love is non existent, plus when you factor in how there are no aroallo or alloace characters in the show with 'groundbreaking' aspec representation, it makes for a bit of a headscratcher. Heartstopper may be made by an aspec, has aspec characters and aspec fans, I don't consider it an aspec show. Bit sad, but it is what it is.

It's honestly strange how despite this fact, asexuality and aromanticism is barely mentioned in the main discourse about this show. Antis claim Oseman is a cishet woman despite being non-binary and aroace. They blame the sexlessness of the show on puritanism despite Oseman being aroace. There's constant arguments about how 'unrealistic' it is for teenagers to not have sex despite Isaac being a whole teenage aroace and how some people just didn't have sex in their teens... like aspecs. People are annoyed the show keeps giving Isaac aromantic and asexual storylines because it's 'not as important' and they 'don't care' as if he's not a main cast member and again, the creator is aroace! If you look at the promo pictures of the show, it has the main three pairings, Nick and Charlie, Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy and no Isaac. Despite the fact it's supposed to be 'for' us and made by one of us, it's not. And a lot of non aspec queer fans watching the show don't see it for us despite being made by one of us either. And that's a real shame.

I'm fully aware Oseman knows about writing aroace characters from the book Loveless, which has an aroace MC. But I think Netflix choosing to adapt Heartstopper over Loveless was intentional. I think Netflix creating Isaac instead of Aled, a demi gay non-binary character from the og comic, was intentional. I think all the decisions Netlix made with Isaac and Tori are intentional, the same way bringing Yasmin Benoit to the Sex Education writers room to cut half of O's storylines was intentional. Netflix has fumbled the bag with asexual and aromantic representation several times now (Cash Piggot and Todd notwithstanding) so at this point, I'm not surprised anymore. Again, I'm happy for anyone who really likes Heartstopper, but I've finally accepted that it's not for me. And that's okay. When someone makes the predominantly aspec, slightly more grown, queer show with fully fleshed out arcs for its's asexual and/or aromantic characters or hits up Lovie Simone for the scrapped Selah and the Spades TV show, I know where I'll be.

We deserved our moments too. We deserve our Heartstopper.

[glitter-stained]

My humble thoughts on what DC needs:

Battinson needs: a Stephbin

Absolute Batman needs: an Absolute Robin: Duke Thomas

Donna Troy needs: to fuck her clone

Mia Dearden needs: to save a little girl who is being sexually abused by her dad

DC comics as a whole need: main coons

Jason Todd needs: a live action show/movie where he's played by a young, talented actor¹, with him building a saw-trap type body destroying contraption to "I think I'm gonna kill myself" by Elton John in his garage as an opening scene.

Dick Grayson needs: a gambling addiction + to lose his dog in a dog-fighting ring

Cassie Sandsmark needs: a butch makeover

Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown need a Batgirl and Robin show.

The Crimson Avenger needs: anything. Please. Fucking anything.

Barbara Gordon needs: a hacker movie where she is Oracle in a world without superheroes and also a librarian. And a girlfriend.

DC comics as a whole need: main coons

Damian Wayne needs: for DC comics to understand the potential of a healer hero. Like seriously make this guy a non-magical cleric. He also needs to be rescuing monkeys from traffickers and healing them

Mia Dearden needs: to accidentally kill her dad, leading to a crisis of consciousness at the end of which she takes on her own hero identity

Jason Todd needs : a psychotic/splitting episode in which the focus is on how much he's suffering instead of using it as an excuse to make him a villain again

Talia al Ghul needs: to travel to Marvel so she can hook up with Natasha Romanoff and Elektra.

A shitton of utilitarian heroic characters need: a fleshed-out Outlaws team (no, utilitarian hero isn't the same as anti-hero and anti-villain, no suicide squad stuff in here)

Barbara Gordon needs: to personally fight Tom King

Bruce Wayne needs: magical eldritch deus ex-machina space CPS

Mia Dearden needs: her own comic

Roy Harper Koriand'r and Jason Todd need: to join forces against the real villain, Scott Lobdell²

Dick Grayson needs: touch aversion + automisophobia (he's not letting anyone know about this if it kills him, not even himself)

DC comics as a whole need: did I mention main coons? Ugly main coons with the face all squished. Baby main coons. Main coons the size of the table. Main coons with a litter of adopted alley kittens various levels of fucked up. Main coons.

Tim Drake needs: a new hero identity + the acknowledgement that he's a grown adult.

Rose Wilson needs: to go no contact with her dad

Roy Harper needs: to lose an arm but like in a good comic this time + archery neck brace.

The Joker needs: to get beaten to death by an angry old lady with an umbrella.

Diana Prince needs: canon lesbian situationship (mostly i need her to be in a canon lesbian situationship, don't mind me)

Dick Grayson needs: a bodyswap plot ( <- that last one is going to fix him, trust me bro)

1. This is not a diss at Curran Walters I loved his performance this is just to leave the scene open to interpretation and possibilities.

2. Yes, Axel. I know. It hasn't been long enough since you got me to read #1 for me to give you that one though.