#don't have the heart to delete all of it rn tho

[ofmdee]

😵

been having some thinky thoughts today, and for a while, rly, abt my Feelings abt breathing underwater and i tried to type something up on twitter but that jsut was not letting me think my thoughts correctly

i love BU........... so goddamn much. it started out as nothing more than a silly idea abt little mermaid ed meeting stede and kind of ballooned into what ive built it up into today. it's so important to me... but it's making me a little miserable right now?

miserable because i dont want to work on it, but i WANT TO want to work on it, i want to tell this story and read the finished product, ive got so many ideas, but i just. cannot get myself to do the actual WORK of making sentences and then staging all the pics........... what used to be a fun little pastime now feels like a chore, an obligation, a compulsion almost. it sucks, but it sucks more NOT doing it, you know what i mean? idk.

i know ive built it up into this big THING to myself, like... idk, i do this so often, i have big ideas and love to plan and organize them and then i get going with such intensity until i abruptly fizzle out. i start things and dont finish them, and i guess i just rly dont want this to be another thing that gets thrown on my unfinished projects pile :/

i have the next 2 parts drafted, but every time i go back to poke at them and edit them i just get so disheartened because it's obvious that my heart wasn't really in writing them, and it's difficult to salvage a rough draft like that. part of me wants to just delete those parts entirely and say fuck it im taking an indefinite hiatus, and i will start fresh when this is fun again! which would probably be the best thing, actually, but... i am reluctant to do that, because i just dont have anything else to rly fill my time rn.

i havent been getting a lot of joy out of... anything, rly, for a long time now, im so bored and apathetic and even my normal go to things arent cutting it anymore. and idk if it's a depression thing or if im truly outgrowing some interests, but either way i know i need to get more Things in my life somehow, because writing and sims are my two biggest pastimes, and then i combined them, and then i got sick of both so ive got so little to go on! so i keep poking at the things that i used to love, hoping to find that spark again 😪 i love these little guys and their little world!!! and it makes me sad that im not actually having Fun with the PROCESS.

it doesn't help that i am constantly torn between man i wish more ppl read my fic!!! i work so hard on it!! and man i never want anyone to perceive me or my writing ever it's so amateur!! idk what i want and idk what i want to DO about it!!

so, idk!! idk where this is all going, lol, i just... wanted to try and organize these thoughts somehow.

trying to reason w myself that at the end of the day, i am writing a fanfiction. that's it. it's not that big of a deal, and yet it feels huge to me, somehow. I don't wanna let down the ppl who are reading it, and i dont wanna let myself down again, either.

BUT it's not supposed to make me feel miserable it is supposed to be fun i am lowkey crying rn because like urghghghgh why isnt it fun?!!?!

so. i think i gotta do some more thinking, because not making any kind of decision is making things worse! and idk, if all of this hasnt put u off of the idea of my fic, here is the series page lmfao i could use some encouragement i guess......

but i am going to seriously put more thought into an official hiatus, because i think i am getting Too preoccupied with it again and it's messing with me!!!

i actually had a decent time doing those kitty ed pics today, even tho they didn't do so hot, so maybe i am just gonna try to focus on that kind of thing, doing stuff that actually catches my attention, and also doing things without the intention of sharing them at all. allowing things to be messy. i get so caught up in the thought of someone else seeing my work that i paralyze myself trying to make it PERFECT.

i had a decent time doing that oneshot from ed's pov as well. so maybe i need to work on projects that are a bit smaller scale. i dont have to say goodbye to BU stuff forever, but i am just so ALL OR NOTHING that it feels like a way bigger decision than it actually is 😓

so i guess....... im gonna sleep on it for a while. think about it and try and come to a firm decision. because if i take a break, i need to REALLY take a break, which includes not thinking about it all the time and constantly beating myself up for not doing it 😅

idk, thank you if you read this far, here are a few kitty pics of ed for ur time:

[fishandships]

and part 2!! I also saw your now deleted posts on your main and I'm so sorry you've had such a rough day. honestly even then I wanted to try and reach out at least in some way? I'm in no way in a spot myself rn where I could give any advice I fear, but I did want to try and do at least *something*, especially since we got to talk/interact a bit more recently. it means a lot to me that you've shown interest in the characters that I like. and I genuinely mean it when I say that I thoroughly enjoy seeing what you're doing on this blog, even without being very familiar with the characters. I know what it means to have characters that are incredibly dear to your heart. so I really hope that I managed to capture rosario and luchino and their dynamic in a way that fits the way you see them, I tried my best to keep in mind how you portray and draw them yourself. and most of all I hope this can give you a little bit of comfort!! I really hope that the next while will be a little kinder to you 💜

ahhhhhhhhh it's THEM oh you captured the Vibe so well i'm really emotional........thank you so much, for the art and for your investment in my creative ventures even tho you don't go here and for your kind words........i'm sorry you had to see those kinda ugly posts i deleted from before......i try to keep myself from posting when i'm in a low spot but sometimes i feel like i have to just......i guess call out for someone to answer? but thank you for your compassionate response despite my lack of grace in the situation

AND for the record i AM interested in your faves too, even tho i don't go there! for the same reasons you mentioned, because they mean a lot to you and i consider you a friend so i care you and therefore i care your fictional dear ones as well 💚

[verystrxxwberry]

ALEXANDER, HELP ME, IM DYING-😭😭😭 my bestie just said to me: hear me out, and im like, "what kind of abomination is your crush now?" and im fr, after she told me she liked Adam(HH) wITHOUT THE MASK I thought nothing could be worst. spoiler, IT CAN💀 she's like, "no, is a ship" and i just go "fuck" (she's the kind of person who shipps TojixGojo) ... im just going to copy-paste our conversation in here:

(i love her but bitch you r crazyyy):

Lili: it's a Moonlight Lovers ship

Me: If this is your Ethan x Ivan again I'm gonna punch you

Lili: it is not, hear me out😭

Me: u don't deserve me hearing you out after your James Potter x Severus Snape bullshit of the other day reading marauder's fanfiction but ok

Lili: ok, i realized that Vlad is an interesting character

Me: what do you mean by interesting💀?

Lili: that he just is such a cutie patootie that can be shipped with anyone in the manor except Ivan☺️✨

Me: WHAT

Lili: like Rapha x Vlad is such a cute couple, or Aaron x Vlad. is like a safe place.

Me: u r mad af

Lili: no, pls. like, Ethan x Vlad is just right. they can heal each other!

Me: u said this exact shit a week ago during the HP marathon in the scene Hermione punched Draco. wich im tempted to do rn, but we are, sadly, online

Lili: and Beliath x Vlad is just the perfect enemies to lovers! or rivals to lovers, better said. is my (second) personal favorite

Me: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A PERSONAL FAVORITE, THIS IS JUST INSANE😭😭😭

Lili: waittt, there is one more. THE one, with Vladiath. or the name is Belimir?

Me: NO💀 Lili, DON'T YOU Dare

Lili: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Me: d-o-n-t s-a-y i-t

Lili: my top tier: Neil x Vladimir

Me: WHYYYYYYYY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THISSS

Lili: but is just right 😭😭!

Me: make it have sense!!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

Lili: it is not!!!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Lili: hsgajshkahsj, bitch🤣 ily, but i don't get how do you were chill after an actual conversion and mad about this

Me: I just have principles. My god, how crazy you are

Lili: Tumblr this to or verystrxxwberry! you'll see he'll have to agree with me on something.

Me: I swear if anyone in the entire world agrees with you on this I'll kill myself

anyways, she came over to my house and we're eating Nutella while i send this to you. you are both of us favorite's Moonlight lovers content creator, but my girl lili is just messed up in the head. (just joking, someday she'll be my bridesmaid,) it's awesome to be her friend, tho.

have a nice day, mah boi, and dON'T AGREE WITH THIS ATROCITY 💀💀💀💀.

You know, my heart did a giant backflip when I saw this giant message. Still, I am very glad I am very glad I am your fav ml content creator, that increases my ego 😎 (kidding but it makes me very happy to know!)

About ML ships... well, I genuinely believe that if we are talking about Vladimir, the healthiest ones would be with Raphael and Aaron. I never thought about the chance of Vladimir with Ethan or Beliath because they aren't his type at all, then Ivan is like the rebel kid on the mansion so.. no... but Neil 💀💀 I must confess he is my least liked character because I never ❗️ know❗️ what❗️to❗️write❗️for him❗️so my mind kinda deletes his presence most of the times. Still, it would be a very toxic ship if we dared to think abour Vladimir x Neil. If Vlad is already depressed, I think Neil would only drag him lower.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

One such example of the difference between "Good" and genuinely bad form vivziepop/Hazbin Hotel Fans that drive everyone to hatred, is that are those of us who are absolutely avoiding the leaks and want fuck all to do with that shit and will block you if you so much as mention it to us, and can afford to do such a thing as a fully matured adult audience with lives and interests outside of just constant cartoon consumption....

And then there's genuinely off putting pigfucker bitches like petitprinces1 who are so sloppy they can't be bothered to find a header that isn't a moving gif with the freaking "AMAZON" logo still attached and they're just like:

"Erm....Yusss.....x3 I seen da leaks.....x3 Nope wont spoil anythin' even tho im answering asks abt it right the fuck now n' addressing Viv herself like shes in da room w me rn anyway KUDDOS Viv i did NAWT see dat 1 cumming!!!! x3 If da rest of u who put the dumb in fandumb literally want lil' ol' meh, ur reigning princess of stupidity, to send u the leaks so u can potentially spread them moar bein an idiot like i am plz DM meh cuz u kno ill delete u if ur dumb enough to actually ask in a reply id rather if u ask me to spread the leaks 4 u in meh DMs if ur gonna ask 4 leaks cuz im not a regular fandumb mom im a 20% COOLER fandumb mom!!! x3 Im so cool that if u ask me for leaks in my replies I GUESS....... ill prolly just delete ur comment instead of just blocking u like everyone else would bc im different and *i* have no boundaries and *i* dont know *HOW* to block ppl!!! x3 i also apparently wrote DISNEY JUNIOR FANFICTION at one point when i was in my late late teens/early early 20s which would imply i went directly from *THAT* to HAZBIN which explains a lot about me dont it? x3 ANYWAY HMU VIA DM IF U WANT ALL DA SEASON 2 LEAKS!!! x3"

Like gurl ...

Like, gurl...

Fake arse fan here to stress real people out just like like all the shitty clickbait bros here only you're a little Candace Owens about it it...

Speaking of Candace...

Uh, once again, my name is NOT "Hearts" and yes the fuck I did Ashface Snitchdale, again, it's free internetz, it's my hot blog and I do what I want, and yo' mama's been blocked for over 4+ years even before she tried and failed to troll me via block evading on anon... I just use an incognito now sometimes when I wanna roll my eyes because my block and stayfree options get broken and I'm forced to perceive she exists and re-block her anyway, keep scrollin'!

Oh and again, it's not "a real double edged sword" or whatever the fuck fandumb centrist bullshit that petitprincess1 is spouting as she's helping spread the leaks to people and let us be very fucking black and white about this okay? Okay. READY? I DON'T CARE! :D

If you indulge the leaks or help spread them, in public or in DMs... You are not a true fan... You are a fake fan... And you need to delete and leave the fandom!

If you: "Feel bad for being happy or excited over something that was so devastating for the crew and feel guilty for finding joy or even 'relief' in those leaks 'because of the results' of the US election.." or whatever the fuck bullshit excuse you made up to help you feel better or whatever... I'm paraphrasing because I don't fucking care what made you do it ... You SHOULD feel bad, you SHOULD feel guilty... You are not a true fan, you're a fake fan.... You not only need to delete and leave the fandom, BUT, you should feel even WORSE for confiding all of your bullshit to the tumblr fandumbs biggest bullshitter, Leeanne, (petitprincess1) someone who should've deleted her online presence years ago for presenting and behaving with all the tackiness and immaturity a of young/republican Trump Supporter anyway... THERE I SAID IT, and I'm probably not the only one too! I mean Viv herself is like... The cutest lil' Scene Kitten/Drunk Girlie at the party who actually thought Coconut Charli XCX Lady would win while raving to that Practical Magic Margarita Song all night long while making Actual Margaritas ...Those of you of you who've actually indulged the leaks and spoiled yourselves for ANY reason are selfish and entitled (as I always knew some of you were) and should be ashamed for doing that to her! You are not true fans. You are not one of us. Leave the fandom.

To think I once called out petitprincess1 for stealing my friends shit and running them off the internet and block evading to further harass me and now I'm calling her out for being complacent and helping spread leaks of the second season of Medrano's entire show! I was going to make a sort of Deep Cut TMI (for some of you people, not for me..) joke about how me and Leeanne ("apparently") shared "the same" Blorbo in the "Lion King" fandom albeit in two entirely Different Eras of Fandom ( mine being the superior one) but I think all of the obvious caveats and quotation would imply how I don't even so much as acknowledge disney junior shit as canon and because I don't watch shows meant for toddlers and therefore it's not the same fandom and not even the same "blorbo" at all and then I got angry and went on the other, more important, vent session because, yeah... It really did all just come down to one big, full circle of bullshit with her this time, didn't it? I'm truly done!

Like, bye bitch I'm never tipping your lolcow again.

Speaking of tipping... She's probably never actually paid an artist in this fandom or brought any actual art in like a while has she? No.

I peek at her blog to see if she posted her playbill if she even paid for one and I find something so much worse.

Oof.

[unnerving-presence]

Uhhhh period warning if that makes you uncomfy,,, feel free to delete if it does

Just Wesker comforting you on your period.

Bringing you a hot water bottle, gently holding you when the pain gets bad,, just taking care of you in general

If you get particularly bad cramps he'd lay in bed with you and spoon you <333

I can also see him getting confused asf when you first start dating, like you're usually so nice but then your period starts and suddenly you're snappy and irritated at everything

He's so shocked that you got pissy with him he pulls a surprise pikachu face

As he gets used to it and realises you're just in pain he comforts you, trying to make everything less stressful so you don't have anything to be irritated about

((maybe this is silly self indulgence but I'm on my period rn and all I can think about is Wesker comforting me hhhhh))

my period is in 6 days and i’m already dreading it 😭

honestly he already knows what’s up the second you tell him. he’ll probably just.. give you his credit card or some shit so you can get what you want while he’s working

unholy amounts of doordash probably. he doesn’t question it tho

when he has free time he’ll help you himself in his own way. he’ll make sure you have a heating pad in case your cramps get back and he’ll massage your stomach a lil to ease the pain :)

he does expect the normal symptoms of what comes with a period but he still gets a bit surprised when you snap at him like ??? who do you think you are ??? he knows you’re just going thru it but he resists snapping back in his own way sometimes LMAO

always asks you if you need anything else before he leaves once more (if you say you need him his heart will melt pls)

he’ll offer to ease your pain with more massaging. he’s super good with easing that back pain somehow.. don’t be surprised if you moan

he won’t be overbearing or super stereotypical with how he treats you during your period but obviously he’ll try his best to help you when he can. doesn’t want to push anything on you unless he truly believes it will make you feel better. he’ll always offer something before giving it to you

just don’t get an attitude with him too often. he don’t care WHAT is coming out of ur coochie you will not be talking to him like that 🤨

[4everhyucks]

girl u r so valid for that bc SAME! I am a loyal taeil stan but this year markhyuck just FLEW up my bias list!!!! taeil is still my number one but omg if mark isn't stealing my heart rn 💔 he's so perfect 🥲

skhghk I'm glad you enjoyed it hehe I loved mammons chapter sm and it also made me realise I have a money kink. the same w jisungs fic, I was so self–conscious about it but at least I discovered I may be into werewolf/scenting play lolll, like...the licking??? shouldn't make me as excited as it does but oh my lord it's so hot 🥵

THE WAY I KNOW EXACTLY WHICH LIVE UR TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE OF THE HANDS LIKE ALL YOU NEEDED TO SAY WAS HANDS AND ID BE LIKE "YEAH IK WHICH ONE" fr I am so excited for that bc I am massively into threesomes lately. I am so ready for soft dom!jisung 💞🤧

also babe did u delete all ur old works bc ur masterlist is empty ☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹

and I totally get what you mean about the longer fics, I just want to keep writing more too. writing for nct is so much fun, there's no limits just like nct themselves hehe. I'm wishing you all the best with your writings and I can't wait to read them!!!! I know they'll be amazing no matter how long or short they are!!!

aah the doyoung fic, I don't want to spoil too much but it's a reunited lovers au and enemies/exes to lovers (?). the backstory is that doyoung betrayed yn and her life was ruined bc of him, but she returns five years later for her best friends wedding and well... he still loves her but she doesn't know if she should forgive and forget, or expose him and ruin his life. and did I mention the best friend is his sister?? so yeah, lots of drama!!! I really need to get to writing so I can finish it!!!!

tbh all of nct dream is stealing my heart rn.. for a minute its jaemin, then jeno, THEN JISUNG, THEN CHENLE.. YOU GET IT. also, i read a werewolf!jisung oneshot by @loudstan and it was AMAZING i just keep going back to it.. AND YOUR 00LINE FIC TOO 😭 im afraid ill never be able to get out of this nct rabbit hole. idk how you always think of these amazing plots paired w the amazing smut 🤚🏻im so bad at writing 3somes tho.. hopefully it turns out as filthy as i want it to be. and omg the doyoung fic.. I GENUINELY CANT WAIT FOR IT!! I LOVE ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE. take your time and i hope it turns out the way u want it to be <3 ILY

right i forgot to add the link to my old mlist

actually i was thinking ab creating a new blog and that would be for my nct content, this could be my genshin one.. cause im starting to play the game again

[beesmygod]

i used to post this and then delete it bc i would be like oh but what about my relationships with other artists~ but i dont care any more lol. these people dont like me and i dont have any reason to protect them. also just reading it back made me sooooo mad lol. this is from july 2022. so 1 year ago.

beesmygod: i have 0 sympathy for people who willingly add their work to this overtly and obviously putrid monetization of entertainment. everyone who went to the mat for webtoons bc they saw stars in their eyes gets what they deserve at this point

everything is wrong with this website and they dont even hide it.

people keep acting surprised that webtoon only has profit in mind. now they're somehow surprised to find out they're just data to the parent company

t…..webtoon is their host. not their boss

their brains are so fucking scrambled they forgot who owns the means of what production.

AlliDrawsComics: Webtoon buys the episodes, Bea. They ARE in charge here. They ARE the boss. These creators could just walk away and start over from scratch, screwing themselves over just to give webtoon the finger or they can tell the audience what's going on to amass public outcry

beesmygod: the audience will of webtoons has already made it obvious they dont care about the well being of the creators on it bc they also buy into the fucked up system

AlliDrawsComics: They're kids, they literally don't know better until artists tell them

[some pointless shit about webtoons signing terms]

beesmygod: ill begrudge them. im evil and have a lot of hate in my heart these days people who keep propping up these systems are driving me insane

AlliDrawsComics: We don't need hate for other artists just trying to make a career

beesmygod: thats too bad, because they are going to get it for their actions and deeds the illusion that theres no other possible option is obnoxious and insulting. people keep treating entertainment like it's a job you enter and then by virtue of existing are entitled to a career in it people have options, they just opt not to use them bc they're not percieved easy money

AlliDrawsComics: Your expectation for all artists to do everything themselves isn't insulting or obnoxious?

beesmygod: i expect artists to care about whats good for their community over securing their bag, badly

i no longer [make enough to live on] bc of america being extremely horrible rn lol but i used to! and i have no talent and no abilities!!

AlliDrawsComics: So you're basically telling all these people they suck because they got a contract instead of working an unpaid job for years on end on top of a day job just to build an audience

beesmygod: yes im saying "get rich quick" schemes are always at the detriment of the community they exploit and the people who sign on for them do us all a disservice

[...]

eyu: To say these artists are deserving of the treatment they're getting because of a shitty deal they agreed to is equally insulting because heck maybe they come from a country where they literally can earn more money from possibly building an audience on webtoon because it's a fucking living and they have to support themselves or people they care about.

Catcoconut: For a lot of ppl getting paid by WT is their best option to make money especially if they’re new to the scene or if their own self promo is lacking

beesmygod: why would they make more money on webtoon than patreon or some other direct payment method

eyu: Webtoon (build audience) > Bring Audience to Patreon by linking it.

AlliDrawsComics: BECAUSE WEBTOON IS WHERE THE EYES ARE

beesmygod: eyes arent money……………if the audience is primarily children theres no money in it unless the parents say so

AlliDrawsComics: You don't get money without eyes

Catcoconut: Don’t dump on ppl just trying to pay bills tho

beesmygod: i will. they upset me with how they choose to make their money.

AlliDrawsComics: Then be upset at webtoon for hiring people on at an unsustainable rate! Don't take it out on the artists!

beesmygod: i dont really want to sit here and perpetually just annoy people so ill leave it here.

beesmygod: but i cant claim solidarity with people whose financial self-interests come first. in the end thats where im coming from.

Anni K.: that's kinda privileged way of thinking tbh

beesmygod: i make 14k a year. im on food stamps

AlliDrawsComics: Then why do you expect other artist to do it the way you are

beesmygod: because its the right thing to do.

---

then i had to physically get up and walk away from my computer bc i could not believe the conversation i just had with a group of adults lol

im ok with being seen as a huge asshole. but the insinuation that i dont practice what i preach really pisses me off. the fact that i view what im saying as basic moral tenets of reality makes this more frustrating

its going to take me longer than a few months to process all the shit from hive lol. i really should go back to therapy instead of doing diary entries in public; i just straight up dont have time any more. and 90% of the problem is that i have walter sobchak disorder. im not wrong im just an asshole

[anyu-blue]

*collapses onto bed*

My chest is killing me today... Been hard to breathe for a few days now. I don't think it's anything particularly serious (no crackling noises, so probably just anxiety or whatever is wrong with my heart- obvs not a big deal cuz those test results are still not in my chart)... But I also just feel so drained after work... Struggled through every day this week and have today and tomorrow of not easy as well... Though hopefully more pleasant...

I'm so tired of... Everything in the world. I just want to crawl into my shell and hide away for a while.. but I can't do that. Adulting and responsibilities for one, and obligations to be a good friend and family member for two... Though less now because I no longer have at least one other friend... Which means I don't have any of his friends either by all reports... Woo...

...

I don't want to kick People out of my work anymore... And it appears the owner of the place doesn't want me even asking people to wear masks despite our county AND branch mandate... So the 'solution' is for me to leave people alone. I'm supposed to just let people get away with anything and everything and serve them and more... And I just.. yeah probably anxiety. Makes my chest hurt to think about. Not only ILLEGAL to ask me to do... But so wrong...

Of course I can... But I just.. CAN'T, you know? Sure it's technically possible... But it's one of those invisible barrier things. Morally it's SO wrong I just... Can't bring myself to... To do it.

Sure it's mostly for me because I'm FREAKED OUT I'm going to get Covid (or something else) and be unable to work.. But also I've got 13 People I'm in direct contact with to worry about... Let alone who THEY are in contact with!!! 💔 And that doesn't include my coworkers... The other guests... Or even the other workers who enter our establishment. My heart seizes every time I think about it. Like NO!!! We should NOT be letting people COMING FROM OUT OF STATE AND INFECTED COUNTIES get away with not wearing masks!!! Because if they don't HERE, who's to say they're aren't wearing them elsewhere?! In fact it's HIGHLY LIKELY they're NOT 😭😭😭

... oof... Ouch ouch ouch...

*sigh*

I need this job. Badly. Do I want it? *Laughs quietly* .. I want to help my friends and co-workers, sure... But if I could be doing a remote job instead.. or even one that doesn't face People... Oh how I wish I could have that instead... Or, you know... Be able to sit at home doing what I want while collecting unemployment? YES PLEASE... But nah... Only my ex has the privilege of doing that. Not even his parents get to do that... But judging by his mail still being sent here... He's on it again. And he was on it for so long with those bonuses (and not going out and spending every week due to my worry) that he was able to afford a brand new Lexus...

I should probably not let myself think of that... But I'm so hurt that shitbags get to sit on their asses and be rewarded while those of us who are doing our best and mean every kindness get shit on and walk away with wounds and fear and STILL barely enough to scrape by.... It's no wonder I'm insane and drive everything good out of my life... I want to break out of the poverty cycle... And yet... Idk how. To scared to go back and finish school... I'm almost out of debt for going one year... And it's been 8 since I took that year. 8 years to pay off ONE year of schooling.. and people in the fields I want to pursue aren't doing any better unless they're PERFECT at their job... Which I'm not perfect. 😅 ... I try to apply for better positions to finally kickstart a career, but I'm not the young person with potential anymore so I get passed up for younger people or (more understandably) People with more experience in the area they're looking OR (worst of all) for more well liked friends and family members of the hiring managers... I can't even get work at places my family is anymore because I'm just... Me and problematic... I can't work as hard as I used to (and even when I did work that hard, again, I'm nuts so I've used all my chances and scared them all away).... It's disheartening. It makes the insanity worse because I'm scared all the time and get more hopeless with each 'we've gone another direction'...

It's the same story.. again and again and again with me.... And idk what to do...

I'm in therapy... I'm TRYING very hard... I'm doing good every place I can... But it just doesn't feel like enough.

I'm trying so hard not to feel depressed and so low too... To not throw myself pity parties and just do better!! Do better!! Do better!! .... Wait it out!! It'll get better!!!

Well... It never has... It's only gotten worse... The best I had was that Phlebotomy gig... And that was a whole bag of bad in itself... The only good thing about it at all, really, was that I enjoyed my hours and the work. That's it. Even that wasn't enough to make me stay with it when I stopped being treated as a person but just a money maker when the company got bought out... When they moved my hours and started demanding more for the same pay...

I imagine it's only going to get worse because I can't get a shoe in anywhere.... All the good jobs are already taken or have someone lined up for them... And I just... It's so hard not to be depressed by that. Especially being stuck on Night audit when the rest of the world is day shift... Having to fuck up my sleep and more just to get groceries even... (I totally understand pandemic stuff, but it's supposed to turn permanent so... All night shifters get shafted anyway)... It's not healthy...

But I don't have a choice. Even when I try to... I don't have a choice... And annoyingly of course I have that stupid shitbag's voice going through my head of 'oh they won't hire you for this reason' or 'oh that's a shit job, don't apply for that' or.. or... Ugh... I need to let all that go on top of all of this... But damn it all... Once the dam breaks, EVERYTHING floods out... Everything I've kept at bay...

There's nothing anyone can do for me unless I do stuff myself... More than I am doing... And it hurts too because I'm pushing myself as hard as I can... But it's not as hard as others can and I'm so far behind... I can't... I can't fix it fast enough... Doesn't matter how much I focus on it!!

I ask how I can help or how I can get into Peoples good graces again or if I can ask a favor and all they tell me is 'focus on yourself'... Not realizing (even though I've told them) I need your HELP!! I need other ideas!!! better work!! I need your good word even and my mental state will Drastically improve!!! Please!!! But I'm just nuts... And need to be less nuts... on my own... And it's just.. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE GO NUTS... Being alone all the time. Being the responsible party all the time.. never getting breaks... Like I said... I know I've used all my breaks up... So I shouldn't even be asking or complaining.. I know...

If I want people to reach out to me.. nope. sorry, not going to happen. It's up to me to reach out to them.

If I ask people to do me a favor like looking into a job... Nope, sorry already taken, or (more commonly) just apply and see what happens!! I can't help you (though they help others and even OFFER the position to other friends/family--- namely my step mom offering a position to my little sister that she doesn't want, that I've expressed real interest in AND have mentioned I'm looking for work in... aND I have experience in!! Nope.. completely.. completely ignored AND despite the fact that she has sway... My application will probably be tossed anyway... And I'm Just... I feel destroyed by this)

I should probably just stop here. I'm.. I'm so upset and yet I know.. I KNOW this is all my fault... I've.. made mistakes.. and gone without help I need for so long.. and pushed people away (mostly unintentionally, but obvs that doesn't matter)... And now I'm in this spot where I can ONLY help myself.. and it's so obvious to everyone else, though I feel I could use help people are capable of providing...

I just want to die...

But I don't even want to do that because I actually want so much more for my life and those around me... But not being here would be so much easier and less painful... I'm just a stupid placeholder to make other people feel better. Which, as important as that is, REALLY SUCKS for the person stuck with the job.

I tried so hard for so long.. and I THINK I did good to lift others up, to support them and help them get themselves out of the holes they've dug- those mostly older than myself even.... But to get to the point where that's where I'm at... And simply to have a shovel dropped on my head because I'm 'old enough' to do everything on my own... Despite being told I needn't do it on my own and should ask for help whenever I need it, only to be denied and hurt and have more dirt pulled out from under me instead... (It's very confusing and not at all helping the insane issue I have going on)... It hurts so God damned bad.... And it makes me think that maybe... Maybe I'm NOT wrong about being nuts... That maybe all that 'help' I gave to people wasn't actually me or my help at all... Just People humoring me and pretending.

Idk..

I sound like that awful ex friend of mine...

But honestly... Idk what to do anymore...

My hope... My hope is just about all gone....

And when it is... What do I do? Where do I go?

I'm more like my disgusting mother every day (except the drugs and alcohol abuse)... And I just can't find a way out that isn't wildly hard for me.

I swear I'm suffering undiagnosed Something (asperger's, ADHD, ect?)... Maybe it's just me being a hypochondriac... And lazy... And wishful.. to blame all my problems on an unseen force beyond my control... And that's why everyone tells me to just pick myself up... Because I'm actually normal and just crying for unneeded attention...

[jinlix]

lalala she's emo

[primordialangels]

Howdy!

Hey there everynyan....! I just wanted to say, I'm moving accounts...!!

Yes, you read that right! I have had this tumblr for 10+ long years, and I've finally decided to live my true 90s/00s dreams and disconnect almost completely from social media, haha. Here are some reasons for this shift under the cut. Thank you for reading if you do, and peace out! ☆

I realized recently that I have never taken a real true break from tumblr, and that I've been on here now every week of my life for a literal decade-- Since I was like 13 or so! Which is just, like. Crazy. I just think my brain deserves a break, yanno what I mean?

Because while I was on this road trip away from everything online, I realized just how wonderful the world can be when you're not constantly comparing yourself to everything online-- Especially artistically!! And I wanna say this too-- even if you tell yourself, "I'm not comparing myself to all these other artists/sexy people!" Yes. Yes you are. You're doing it even right now I bet. Because it's a subconscious process human beings can't just turn on or off! It just happens on it's own wether we want it to or not! And I realized that becuz the ONLY time I felt artistically shitty on my trip was when I visited a comic book shop, lmao!! I thought "oh god I gotta get better, these guys are so fucking good" but like, I didnt even mean to! I didn't think I was comparing myself at all! But it was like, AS SOON as I saw other cartoonists. BOOM. instantly felt bad haha. So? That told me that I've been feeling that way near CONSTANTLY by being on social media ever since I was 13 years old!! That's literally insane. No wonder I can't "see myself" while others can! I've constantly been (subconsciously) putting myself down for not "being good enough" when in actuality, I'm perfectly fine just how I am! It was hugely eye-opening for me and made me really rethink my reason for using social media, and tumblr in particular since it's, ofc, been my favorite for such a long time...

And so when I started wondering what reason I have for using tumblr, n I realized that I've been telling myself, "I'm using it to gain artistic inspiration!"-- But like..... How much inspo do you need to gather until it's enough? I think I have enough inspiration on this account to use for the rest of my life, really!! lmao! So I want to actually start using the inspiration i've already gained instead of acquiring more n more n more of it, yanno? I just think it's like, lol... My head is full enough! Time to use what i've gained rather than continue to squander it! It's that sort of thing...!

And Ik we like to joke that tumblr is the anti-social media-- But... The sad truth is, it really isn't! I realized when I was meditating recently that all social media acts just like a slot machine. You pull down the screen and refresh and new fun stuff to look at pops up. And even tho yes, followers aren't a big deal here like they are elsewhere-- Tumblr is still no different, becuz it uses that same exact model, yanno? And so.... Yeah....! I just... Haha, idk. I wanna try n use the internet in a more classical way, is all.

So... Yeah! I just wanted to provide a bit of insight into my mindset rn idk, lol.

My new account is > AncientMachine (yes same name haha, I love it!) And on there I won't be reblogging much of anything. It'll just be text posts/my thoughts and feelings, maybe photography n doodles, manga caps, etc etc that sorta thing. A truly personal experience, I would say. So, if you don't feel like following a diary sort of blog, I totally understand, and I just wanna say thank you so much for the time you spent together with me here, especially within these past 2 years. Tumblr has been there for me when often times, no one else has. I've learned a lot by being here. And I think that's truly special, and I cherish this account with all my heart. I won't be deleting it, it'll stay up and act as my own personal archive-- but yeah...! I think it's time I finally move onto new horizons. I hope you'll join me on this brand new personal journey, but even if you don't, that's alright, and so long!! Have fun and good luck out there-- I'll see ya around! ☆

-- Lucky <3

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Hiiii! This ask is gonna mention Covid so if ur not comfortable with it or honestly just exhausted from it (same) that’s okay, u can just delete it, no hard feelings 💕 I saw u posting about Covid the other day and figured u or someone else might relate

I am just so tired of seeing news after article after tv show after literally anything Covid related bc in the US, it’s just getting exponentially worse by the hour. All I wanna do is curl up in a pile of blankets with some soup and watch Netflix until it’s all over. And I feel guilty for being so cautious about it (I stayed home and took college classes online for 1 & 1/2 years to stay safe). And then I came back in the fall to finish, only for omicron to spike during winter break. And now I kinda wanna stay home for a few weeks to ride out the wave so me and my family don’t potentially get sick, but I know my friend that I roommate with won’t be super happy that I’m gone that long. But to me, it’s not about just not going to the hospital (even tho I have asthma, so idk what it will do to my lungs). It’s about not getting Covid at all. I don’t wanna lose taste and smell, or have everything taste horrible. I don’t wanna have permanent or even temporary lung, heart, or neuro damage. I don’t wanna run the risk of getting any version of Covid bc it’s still very dangerous to get, even mild cases. And about 50% of people rn are getting long Covid (I think that’s the current stat). It’s so scary to me, but what my friends don’t get is that I’d rather isolate with my family for another 3 years than risk getting Covid just to hang out with friends or partners like they’re doing now. I feel so stupid or like I’m being too anxious, but I also feel like I’m allowed to be in anxiety-overdrive about a global pandemic ya know? Ever since Covid started, I’ve had a debilitating fear of germs. I Clorox damn near everything in my bedroom and wash my sheets every few days. I can’t stop washing my hands. If I got anywhere, I have packs of gloves and masks in my car. And so do my parents. Like I said, I just think the best option is to just eat warm soup and stop looking at the news lol. I hope someone who reads this, especially u S, feels like they’re not the only one worried about Covid. Sorry for the long rant!!! 💕💕💕

^ ^ ^

More covid talk under the cut

Yup.

I feel that.

All of that.

Except, I really actually feel worse when I don't watch at least some sort of news because if I'm not, then I feel like I'm giving up/sticking my head in the sand (which isn't true, but it makes me Feel that way). And, for me, the only thing worse than not knowing what's going on is when people who I previously knew were being very cautious and careful stop because they are so exhausted. Rightfully so. But it just makes me more hopeless because if even the considerate, careful people stop wearing masks, stop trying to wash and sanitize what needs to be, stop trying to socially distance... than this never ends.

I will be wearing my double masks into the foreseeable future. I will be washing my hands like crazy. I am vaxxed and I will get the boosters for as long as we need them and they keep making boosters. I will social distance whenever physically allowed. I will try to keep my head above water because-

We are still in the middle of a fucking pandemic.

Rant over lol. Hopefully you find some solace in someone else feeling this, sweets!

[sxyurii]

Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love

Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby

This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂

HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP

Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?

1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.

2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.

3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.

4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.

5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.

6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.

7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.

8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.

I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖

[axupodz]

30 Amazing Questions Only A Genius Could Answer.

( insert obvious clickbait thumbnail)

As requested by @judyxd26

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY MY OWN OPINION. DONT @ ME

JUST MONIKA (I see you there)

Probably Yuri. The Shy/Yandere anime trope has been used a little too much recently.

Has to be "Your Reality". I gives me the feels everytime. EVERYTIME.

"Sayo-nara" gotta be my least fav. Not because its bad or anything. It just gives me scary flashbacks of Sayori. TOO SPOOPY FOR ME.

Most afraid? Hmm, if ur talking about the jumpscares, I would say Natsuki when she snaps her neck. (DID I SAY THERE'S SPOILERS HERE?)

I would say Monika. I always try too hard for attention :3

Look most familiar?? First of all, im a dude. *LOOKING AT MALE VER DDLC CAST* ok, its either Sayori or Monika. Can't decide tbh.

I used my first name BOI. GOTTA HAVE THE FULL IMMERSION.

10/10. Despite the warnings everytime you open the game and at the game page, I never took it to consideration. Sayori's death really took me by surprise.

Sayori maybe? MC's texts during that part was deep. If deleting Monika is considered a death, I would say thats the most saddest one. Monika realised the mistakes she made and she regretted them. But it was too late as she was slowly getting deleted. On a side note: I didnt delete her in the end, her conversations were very interesting. My sister forced me to delete her tho :/

(Lets keep the next few questions short, Im trying to get some sleep 😪) Sayori: I like that she's optimistic. But she's too sensitive i'd say.

Short girls are cute. Manga IS literature. DONE.

I like that she's shy and all but im not very fond of the idea of playing with knifes. DONE.

SHE IS BEST GIRL. SHE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER THAT FEELS REAL. SHE DESERVES A ROUTE. SHE IS A GODDESS SEND FROM THE HEAVENS. SHE THICC BOI, FIGHT ME. (I should have been a little more serious😅 There is more reasons at Question 29.)

Monika's poem. DONE.

NOPE, IM A HYPROCRITE. TRIED ONCE, FAILED BADLY.

I would if I COULD ACTUALLY FINISH READING MY BOOKS FOR ONCE. *glares at the full collection of Harry Potter at the corner of the room*

Pretty often. Not enough to fix my spelling tho.

Once. The English Club at school. Pretty boring.

Like I said before, im a dude. Soo yea, MC is my only option.

Yuri. For obvious reasons.

There isnt a character that I "want" to be a guy but i'd say Sayori looks fine as both genders.

I havent seen any fanart of Monika as an animal yet. So, Monika then.

If Monika had a route I would totally pick that one. Since she doesnt, i would pick Natsuki's.

Probably Stephen King

They did such an amazing indie game last year. Can't wait for the next one.

Yuri i guess. My yandere mode becomes active sometimes :3

Actually I have. Not the best experience.

(Skip this one if you want to. It's veryyy long.WARNING, It's about to get serious) I actually sat through a good 50+ minutes talking with Monika.In that time, she tells me how every time I quit the game, she feels like she's "dying", and enters a "living Hell" full of static screaming, flashing and darkness, and despite the fact that she feels as if her mind is disjointed in this space, she's still aware enough to remember it all every time we come back. There's also the fact she's fully aware all of her "friends" are simply mindless programs lacking free-will whose sole purpose in existence is falling in love with the player.I quit and loaded up the game a few times, and she asks you multiple times to please not put her through that torment, but eventually just says she'll have to relent that you can't always have the game open.Then I kept going, and got Sayori to tell me how she's super appreciative that I took the time to get to know them all and help them with their problems (however little I actually did), and that they all loved me. Credits are rolling, and I notice that the CG's aren't being deleted, until the very ending where the entirety of the Main Menu is deleted.I fucking broke Monika's heart and she subjected herself to living in an eternal near-death hellish blackness, and still the last thing she does for me is sing me a song about how much she loves me and wishes I'd been able to love her back. Deleting her causes her pain, but she was still conscious of everything and in control of the game files. Quitting puts her in a near-death state filled with suffering.I know it's only an AR game and none of it's real, but I'm literally sitting here with tears in my eyes because no matter what you do, Monika is doomed to an existence of agony, and the last thing she believes is that we probably hated her.I can't handle that shit, man, I didn't need to know. Couldn't you even let us believe there was some solace?

The game broke me psychologically and left me traumatized for 3 days.Sayori's arc made me feel sick to my stomach and sad, Yuri's arc scared me, and Monika's arc broke my heart and made me sad again.What part of psychology makes depressing horror enjoyable? Why did I love and enjoy a game that hurts? Maybe because the characters are so real and I've grown attached to them? I don't know. Either way I love DDLC, the community, and the fan content, but I don't know why. I guess it's because the main grip of the game is the 4 girls themselves, you grow so attached to them that it feels like your losing close friends. Making characters in any video game likable is hard but this game is an example of it done right, adding along with the story makes DDLC truly an experience.( finally, im done. I need a rest rn before I have a mental breakdown)

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[smallfriendlyhamster1187]

Waytfm hype-train: @$11.87 Doki doki time motherfucker

Tormeson: We expect good, written commentary

biglawk: oh my god it's happening

Danimark: I expect great things

Waytfm hype-train: @$11.87 get the fuck in here and start playing

Waytfm hype-train: So help me god, I will ban you

$11.87: ok but i only have one hour

$11.87: one sec

Waytfm hype-train: Fuck, why are you so awful

Waytfm hype-train: Skip whatever the fuck it is

$11.87: i have a life my dude

biglawk: get your shit together 11

biglawk: jesus christ

$11.87: i have to go to UVA

Waytfm hype-train: you have a game to play, fuck your life

biglawk: how about you fucking call UVA up and tell them to wait

Waytfm hype-train: ^

Tormeson: :veryTru:

$11.87: https://www.twitch.tv/movkeyb

Waytfm hype-train: Wait, are you legit streaming this?

$11.87: not with commentary, but yeah

$11.87: since my gf is sleeping

$11.87: but if you want to follow along

Waytfm hype-train: We demand commentary here

Waytfm hype-train: Type it out

$11.87: yeah i'll do that

$11.87: but you can watch along

Waytfm hype-train: I might pop in

$11.87: hmm what should my name be

$11.87: a boat name generator says i should be "Limerick II"

$11.87: so thats my name

Waytfm hype-train: No, that's awful

Waytfm hype-train: Name yourself oby

$11.87: nah im a boat rn

Waytfm hype-train: Fucking restart the game

$11.87: fine

$11.87: yeesh

Waytfm hype-train: You're almost at sec's level of playthrough awfulness

$11.87: oh the sayori girl came up to me

$11.87: brb putting on pants irl

biglawk: i'm going to be sick

Tormeson: @secular25 your gameplay was fine I'm sorry for having mocked you

Waytfm hype-train: haha

Waytfm hype-train: @secular25 Fuck you sec, you'll never be forgiven

$11.87: this game is far improved when i think of myself as being a boat

Waytfm hype-train: I'll make that game for you

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434352582534889483/unknown.png?width=400&height=48

Waytfm hype-train: Hatoful Boatfriend

$11.87: i feel insulted

Tormeson: I want a british Sayori calling you a chav now

10: 04 AM] $11.87: =\

https: //media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434353085293527050/unknown.png?width=400&height=61

$11.87: fuck off main character

$11.87: you're so melodramatic

biglawk: MC is the worst

Tormeson: 0 to hate in 25 seconds flat

Waytfm hype-train: Fucking MC

Tormeson: Impressive

$11.87: who is MC

Tormeson: Main Character

biglawk: main character you dip

$11.87: oh ok

$11.87: i meet girl with large bust, named "girl 1"

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434353366458564608/unknown.png?width=400&height=183

Waytfm hype-train: That's how you know it's anime

$11.87: > this club is full of incredibly cute girls

$11.87: MC confirmed thirsty

$11.87: well, thats a given, seeing as he is a boat

Waytfm hype-train: Holy shit, I'm banning you

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434353710894940180/unknown.png?width=400&height=65

biglawk: uwu

Tormeson: :smilepls:

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434354038256173066/unknown.png[10:07 AM] Tormeson: That's the only anime emoji I have

Tormeson: I think

biglawk: i long watching 11 screenshot things

Waytfm hype-train: Everytime I see the name "Limerick" I want to just delete this whole channel

$11.87: Limerick II

Waytfm hype-train: Mes, how can you not have anime emojis?

Tormeson: I dunno, I'm not in servers that have a lot :shrug:(edited)

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434354508496371730/unknown.png?width=400&height=44

$11.87: why is everybody so coy

$11.87: "these are good cupcakes you made"

Waytfm hype-train: Motherfucker, have you read a VN before?

$11.87: gasp HOW DARE YOU

Waytfm hype-train: Also, if you wanted to bump the resolution down to like 720 or what have you, I'd appreciate it. not only is my internet carried in by carrier pigeon, but I also have a daily datacap

Waytfm hype-train: it's pretty awful

$11.87: one sec

$11.87: its at 720 and 10 fps

Waytfm hype-train: Aight, I can do doki doki powerpoints

Waytfm hype-train: Hopefully

biglawk: 11 you broke your stream wtf

Waytfm hype-train: It's at 480p now, actually

$11.87: its working for me

$11.87: oh oops

$11.87: lemme fix that

Tormeson: Eleven, my first VN was DDLC and even I wasn't surprised by this

Waytfm hype-train: Go play Saya no uta, Mes

Waytfm hype-train: stream it

Tormeson: I have exams tho

Tormeson: After exams?

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434356081435607040/unknown.png?width=400&height=32

Waytfm hype-train: You think I care about your life

$11.87: time to seduce monica

Waytfm hype-train: She's onto you 11

Waytfm hype-train: Abort game

Waytfm hype-train: Get the fuck out of there

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434356229834407936/unknown.png

10: 16 AM] $11.87: some romance going on in here

Tormeson: Monika would probably wipe the floor with you, Eleven

biglawk: you don't even stand a chance

Tormeson: And I'm not talking about her club, just Monika

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434356457534914560/unknown.png?width=400&height=216

$11.87: title screen

$11.87: stop telling me about these teacups when you've not animated them

$11.87: they just have their hands behind their back

$11.87: thats a weird ass way to hold your cup of tea

$11.87: "ah i read a horror book once"

$11.87: me_irl

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434356908489703424/unknown.png?width=400&height=27

Tormeson: I think Eleven is our world's MC

Waytfm hype-train: Yeah, Saya no Uta is kinda bad. it's a shame, because it's a cthulhu love story, basically, but cthulhu is a loli and it kinda ruins it

Tormeson: Fun fact my second VN was DDRC

Tormeson: I haven't played any other VNs

Waytfm hype-train: Oh, boy

$11.87: i have 200 hours in some anime dating sim

$11.87: but i just afk'd that for two weeks

$11.87: im not really one for VNs or animes in general

biglawk: lmao

Waytfm hype-train: No, fuck off, you don't get to say "I have 200 hours in a dating sim" and "I'm not one for VNs"

Waytfm hype-train: You shit

biglawk: ddlc was my first and so far only VN

$11.87: who tf is like this

https: //media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434357829168660480/unknown.png?width=361&height=300

biglawk: nic

$11.87: this girl is going to snap her spine or something

$11.87: also is there some fan thats out of shot that makes the hair billow

Tormeson: No she's just perfect

Tormeson: Doesn't need a fan

Waytfm hype-train: Mes

Tormeson: And she has a strong spine

biglawk: we're all her fans

Waytfm hype-train: Don't

$11.87: oh no

$11.87: i actually have to do something

Waytfm hype-train: You trash

$11.87: i forgot that this was a game and not just a powerpoint

$11.87: since i spent the last 20 minutes just reading the slides

biglawk: who are you gonna try to bang

Tormeson: You

Waytfm hype-train: Write your poem

Waytfm hype-train: Go go go

Tormeson: :ablobwink:

biglawk: :heart_eyes:

$11.87: monica obviously

$11.87: what the heck how does this work

$11.87: um

$11.87: time to write some magical literary masterpiece

Waytfm hype-train: Click a word

Waytfm hype-train: then click another

Waytfm hype-train: And do that until you've spilled your heart out onto a page

$11.87: > suicide

Waytfm hype-train: >picking papa

$11.87: > one girl jumps up and down excitidly

Waytfm hype-train: hmmm

$11.87: i have daddy issues, ok?

Waytfm hype-train: You have no idea

Waytfm hype-train: Yuri is trash-tier, just so you know

Waytfm hype-train: Natsuki is like a worm crawling around on the ground

biglawk: delete tihs

Tormeson: Yuri is trash-tier only if trash-tier means top-tier

Waytfm hype-train: My girl Sayori floats above like an angel though

$11.87: hmm mr "oh jeez whats a 'book'" is now effortlessly flirting

Waytfm hype-train: You're a fast learner

Waytfm hype-train: There had better be A)voice and B)a saved VOD when you finish this game after you're done with your other stuff

$11.87: hmm, i can probably record

$11.87: but rn my roommates are loudly watching something else

Waytfm hype-train: Eh, this first hour probably doesn't matter so much(edited)

$11.87: also yuri sure seems to be a datelet

biglawk: explain this word

$11.87: she is very ungood at being subtle

$11.87: she's bad at flirting

Waytfm hype-train: Have twitch save your past broadcasts, though, if they don't already

$11.87: i think the bigger question is "what sort of chad am i where so many people are tripping over themselves to date me"

biglawk: big booby goth tho

$11.87: they only do that if you have enough subs or something

Waytfm hype-train: That is a big question

Waytfm hype-train: I don't think they do?

$11.87: also brb im getting some water

$11.87: my recording software can probably do that

Waytfm hype-train: Haven't really looked too much into that

$11.87: " i just happened to buy two of them"

$11.87: hmm that was a bit heavy handed

Waytfm hype-train: You ain't seen shit

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434360808248442881/unknown.png?width=400&height=37

10: 34 AM] Waytfm hype-train: Buckle up motherfucker

Waytfm hype-train: Quit ruining my posts, 11

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434360967158300682/unknown.png?width=400&height=30

https: //media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434361015996645376/unknown.png?width=400&height=36

$11.87: > implying that the MC being a doofus will be a surprise twist

biglawk: but who is the real MC

$11.87: oh no

$11.87: stop bullying me

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434361467806941200/unknown.png?width=400&height=184

$11.87: :thinking:

Tormeson: >LimerickII

I might just delete this channel

$11.87: i told you, im cosplaying as a boat

Tormeson: Hmmm

biglawk: why delete this whole channel when you can just delete 11

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434361939792101376/unknown.png?width=400&height=36

$11.87: this some tasty smut

biglawk: lewd

Tormeson: Don't make me use this

https: //media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434362150668992512/Capture_2018-04-13-10-39-46.png?width=194&height=301

$11.87: > sorry i didn't know you were self concious about that sort of thing

$11.87: you fucking idiot MC

$11.87: brb getting water

$11.87: back

$11.87: oh no its decision making time

$11.87: who should i show my poem to

Tormeson: Who's your fav?

Waytfm hype-train: Gross

biglawk: decision time

Waytfm hype-train: No one wants you to whip out your poem

$11.87: ill show it to my waifu, monica

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434363648316538902/unknown.png?width=400&height=78

$11.87: this game is not good at being subtle

Waytfm hype-train: Your face isn't good at being subtle

biglawk: i hate you and your boat

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434364023979638804/unknown.png?width=24&height=300

$11.87: i like how this is handdrawn

$11.87: like, is that canon?

Waytfm hype-train: ?

$11.87: did monica actually draw this little slide thing on her paper

Waytfm hype-train: lol

biglawk: yes

biglawk: what do you think of her poem

$11.87: :shrug:

Waytfm hype-train: Monika's poems are shit

Waytfm hype-train: Natsuki has the good stuff

$11.87: roni just shouted "yuri is best girl"

$11.87: so i know who her waifu is

Waytfm hype-train: Roni, shut the fuck up

Waytfm hype-train: We're trying to have a moment here

biglawk: based roni

Tormeson: Roni is right

Waytfm hype-train: I'll ban all of you

Tormeson: Tell her that she's right

Tormeson: :(

Waytfm hype-train: I'll corrupt 11's game so he can't play anymore if you keep poisoning his mind

biglawk: i would be banned a million times for yuri

Waytfm hype-train: You will be

biglawk: oh no

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434364791575019521/unknown.png?width=400&height=41

$11.87: thats some good mind reading MC has

$11.87: then again he's a boat so pretty much any action he takes is impressive

Waytfm hype-train: Go play hatoful boyfriend

$11.87: the fuck is this shit

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434365292391563286/unknown.png

$11.87: this reminds me of that joke with the table

Tormeson: :tharking:

Waytfm hype-train: Flicka flicka

$11.87: why cant i tell what my poem is about

$11.87: it is just a bunch of random words on a piece of paper

Waytfm hype-train: Yeah, you're a pretty shitty poet

$11.87: hm this poem is the best imo

$11.87: its not 2deep4me

$11.87: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAA

$11.87: this poem is so trashy i love it

$11.87: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/433621801512337410/434366555699019788/unknown.png?width=249&height=301

biglawk: way is going to ban you

Waytfm hype-train: Listen here you little shit

Tormeson: I'm not a Natsuki-boi but I actually like that poem

$11.87: > i dont get an option as MC to trash on her poem

$11.87: whats even the point of playing tbh

$11.87: anyway i need to head out

Waytfm hype-train: Yeah, you'd better get the fuck out of here

$11.87: i'll have my laptop so i can remote access if i have any downtime

$11.87: but i won't be able to alt tab as easily to give comments

Waytfm hype-train: Commentary is paramount

Tormeson: :ANGERY:

biglawk: just wait until you're back home

Tormeson: ^Way rn

$11.87: oh god i can't wait to get 0 sleep tonight

$11.87: im not bringing my bed

$11.87: so its blankets and floors for me and roni

Tormeson: >having a bed

You fucking bourgeois scum

(napkin) i might miss your msg: who is roni?

Tormeson: Eleven's gf

(napkin) i might miss your msg: understandable