#don't forget to keep informed and updated

[karinyosa]

reminder that you can email congress for a ceasefire here and the white house here. don't forget to mention/also email about us government ending funding to israel and sanctioning them, and holding them accountable for war crimes, but the immediate need right now is a ceasefire. there are other online writing actions on the first link including calling the white house

[paper-starz]

A very big analysis on the new Welcome Home update

HELLLOOOOO EVERYONEEEE I havent done one of these in a while, but omg the newest update was everything I ever hoped for and more!! So today, we'll be talking about EVERYTHING (+ lil theories here and there)

BIG BIG SPOILERS AHEAD

Julie Joyful, Insecurity, Pressure, and Toxic Positivity

This update really gave us some interesting insight to the star of this update, Julie.

Julie is a rainbow monster, and a very happy one as her name would imply. And yet, she's not really like the rest of her family. She looks different from them for instance.

Her brother Jonesy states that rainbow monsters 'stick with one color', which means that they only stick to one color and don't really wear other colors. Even Julie's bio states how different in appearance Julie is from her siblings.

Recent evidence has revealed that Julie’s family consisted of a "band" of rainbow monsters that were a monochromatic color palette rather than a full rainbow like Julie herself.

Sure, Julie does have pink in her color pallete, she also has an array of other colors! Her hair isn’t a shade of pink, it’s yellow. Her legs aren’t a shade of pink either, it’s blue and green.

Franny also states that while horns come in different shapes and sizes, the bigger the better obviously. Julie's horns however are very small compared to the rest of the rainbow monsters.

Not to mention that she seems to forget or miss valuable information about rainbow monsters and Franny has to keep correcting her over and over again.

"There's more than that, Julie!" and "Missing things again, Julie."

And unlike her siblings, she lives away from them, which is unusual for a rainbow monster, where they normally live in a band.

She also doesn't seem to have an instrument, as stated in the Springtime Salutations book, "Julie, however, is her own instrument."

Speaking of the book, she also woke up too early for springtime.

And while her siblings were kind enough to bring Spring early this time, that doesn't mean that Julie wasn't affected at all by this. She knows how different she is from the rest of her siblings, and she's insecure about this fact.

This all culminates with the black flower, the one flower that she cannot bloom.

Rainbow monsters have a responsibility during Springtime. Franny melts away the snow with the morning dew, Jonesy makes the grass grow, Bea makes the sun shine, and Julie makes the flowers bloom. That is Julie's job, her one job of the entire year.

If she can't do that properly, then she would be proving to her siblings that she is a faulty rainbow monster that cannot do things by herself, that she cannot function properly away from her familial support. Which is the reason why she's so adamant on not rejoining the band, despite her siblings best efforts to sway her.

FRANNY: (With a commanding tone.) Back to us- Julie, when are you going to finally join our band? JONESY: Yeah, sis- What’s a rainbow monster band without its dynamite drummer? BEA: (Wistfully said.) Just think of it, sister dear… A colorful quartet pushing the seasons! JULIE: (Nervous and hesitant) That sounds… (Pretends to be losing signal) Oop- Oh no! The sounds! We’re breaking up!- (Whispering harshly.) Hang up the phone, Frank! Hang up!

And that's not to mention that she feels insecure not only towards her siblings as a rainbow monster, but also in the neighborhood.

She states that while she gets along well with everyone in the neighborhood, she's not particularly close with anyone besides Frank. Barnaby and Howdy tease her which probably makes her feel even more insecure, particularly in her ability to make others laugh, which again, brings JOY to people.

While she likes Poppy, Sally, Eddie, and Wally, again, she's not particularly close with either of them. Frank seems to be her only form of support in the neighborhood.

And yet, this particular scene is interesting, because according to Julie in The Julie Guide to being Joyful, her relationship with Howdy and Barnaby in particular are different.

She seems like she's lying to Wally and perhaps to herself that she has a great relationship with EVERYONE in the neighborhood, she's Julie Joyful! She's happy all the time and everyone loves her.

And yet, Wally seems to call her out on this. Both in the storybook and in the /regardforgetfulnesssilence link.

"Did all that really happen, Julie?" He says, as if he knows that Julie is lying but wants her to tell the story again. Reword the story so that she's telling the truth, but she doesn't want to. It's easier for her to live in a lie.

Which is another reason why she doesn't want to go back to her siblings. She would have to leave, not the neighborhood, but Frank. Her only form of actual support.

(Said inside her head. It sounds like static. ) If I can’t make a flower bloom, if I can’t bring Springtime around- What would I do? Will I have to leave? Will I have to go back? I’d just-

While I do believe her siblings love her and Julie does love them back, again, they make her feel insecure as a rainbow monster. Her older siblings always manage to get their job right, they have monochromatic colors, their horns are bigger, and unlike her, they never wake up too early for springtime.

JULIE: Hi, Wally! And hello to my sweet saccharine siblings! FRANNY: Is that our youngest sister here? JONESY: She’s our sweetest too- BEA: Don’t forget our most colorful! Julie, what could YOU need help with? You’re one of us!

Ironic how Bea says this line. Julie doesn't feel like one of them. She doesn't feel like a rainbow monster. Her one job of the entire year is to make the flowers bloom and if she can't do that, then what use is she?

This is why she is so terrified of that flower. That one flower that she cannot bloom. Its a crack in the joyous facade that she created. Sure, its just one flower, but what if its two next Spring? 10 after that? Whole fields of wilting flowers, dead flowers? Because of one mistake of waking too early and bringing in Spring when the time just wasn't right?

Then she would have to leave Home, and leave Frank. And its no surprise that she holds Frank in such a high admiration. He's the smartest neighbor in Home and he's her only true friend. She's especially terrified of disappointing him in particular.

Because while I do think Julie sees Frank as her best friend, I believe that because of the Sweet Briar book, Julie sees Frank as some sort of prince in shining armor coming in to save her.

Note that she doesn't view Frank in a romantic light, when the scene came for Frank to awaken princess Julie from her slumber with a kiss, Julie just jumps from her bed and the kiss just never happens.

Frank is her only person in the neighborhood that actually supports her and her only true friend, thus, Julie sees Frank as someone that's saving her. Keeping her away from the dangers of leaving with her siblings and going away, thus losing Frank (and her support), and perhaps even away from the responsibility of being a rainbow monster.

"I'm doing the best that I can, but it's nice to let someone else lead."

As mentioned before, if Julie joins the band, she'll be the drummer. However, Julie is her own instrument, she marches along to the beat of her own drum lol.

The drummer's role in a band is to provide the rhythmic foundation of the group, providing a steady beat and tempo. A drummer's role is pretty strict, if they mess up (like if they come in too early or if they become off-tempo), that messes up the entire song.

Julie already knows that she's not that great of a rainbow monster, she messes up constantly, forgets facts that a rainbow monster should know, wakes up too early for Spring, and can only make MOST of the flowers bloom. If she goes back to her siblings, joins their band, and becomes their drummer, then she's not only risking messing up her job of making the flowers bloom, but also the rest of her siblings' job. What if she misses just one beat? Would that jeopardize everything? What would her siblings say if she messes up and makes them mess up too?

What will happen to Springtime? Will the grass and flowers die? Will the sun never shine? Will the rain never come to wash away the snow? Will she trap the entire neighborhood in an endless winter?

It's a risk that Julie just doesn't want to take. This is why she starts getting more and more aggressive towards the black flower, because it's jeopardizing her stay at the neighborhood, and threatening her to leave everything behind.

Which leads us to the ending of /tearsremembranceinstability, Julie gets more and more agitated towards the flower. Flat out threatening it when it's not going to be blooming anytime soon.

"You won't be around for much longer--" "I'll never see you again, no one will, no one will ever know you were here--" THOSE SOUND LIKE THREATS!

Which leads me to believe that Julie did something awful to that flower. Either she forced that flower to bloom, or she killed it.

What ever she did to that flower, Frank witnessed it. And Julie knows what Frank saw.

But then, something strange happens.

This weird little bug flies in at the end and stares at us, the viewer.

And we have seen this bug before! On the miscellaneous section!

Opening the image under a new tab reveals that this toy is called a 'buggle'.

While it is a cute little toy, it seems out of place for this thing to just pop out. It feels random.

But ah! It is NOT random dear viewer!

Taken from the awayfrompryingeyes.net site.

'Buggle' sounds like a mix of the word 'bug' and 'beagle'. AND CAN YOU GUESS WHICH NEIGHBORS HAVE A CONNECTION TO THE WORDS BUG AND BEAGLE????

Frank, Barnaby, and Howdy! Three neighbors that have had an impact on Julie's insecurities.

Both Howdy and Barnaby make Julie's insecurities worse. They constantly tease her, with Barnaby in particular saying that he doesn't find Julie's jokes all that funny and Howdy saying that she better get some new material.

Frank on the other hand alleviates those insecurities, making him a huge source of comfort, but to the point that she's terrified of disappointing him.

The buggle seems to be a manifestation of Julie's insecurities and anxieties, manifesting itself during Julie's lowest point.

Which concludes to this. What will the next update be about?

Because our guy W definitely has some ideas...

Perhaps the buggle is foreshadowing, either the next update will be focusing on either Frank, Barnaby, or Howdy!

But i suppose only time will tell.

[wilwheaton]

Hey man, I could use a few talking points to help convince a friend that Musk is horrible. I'm reading 'Think Again' by Adam Grant (good read btws) and he says to help convince people to come to your viewpoint that it can be good to have 2 or 3 strong points instead of 10 mixed points. The counter argument I get from people about Musk being good is that he did spacex and tesla, and without him we'd be decades behind. Maybe, but I don't have good ammo. Please help as I get too angry tobe critical

Well, listen, the fascism, the transphobia, the chaos, and the unwavering support for autocrats all over the planet really ought to be enough to outweigh anything else, if you ask me. It sounds like you know some people who got excited about the companies he threw money at, and they are having a tough time updating their feelings due to current events. Or maybe they share his values and don't want to admit that.

But I'll try to offer some simple facts.

He did not do engineering with Tesla or SpaceX or even PayPal. He is a fraud. He walked into these existing businesses, where people had done actual work and engineering, threw some of his Apartheid money at them, and took credit for their work. He claims, over and over again, to be a founder of these companies, and that's just straight up a lie that is easily disproved.

He literally did nothing except throw money at people and take credit for their work. Look at every Tesla up to the (chokes back laughter) Cybertruck. Those Teslas look like cars, because they were designed by engineers. Look at the Cybertruck. When you stop laughing at what a joke it is, know this: that's what happens when Elon Musk is in charge. It's like a ten year-old with some crayons drew it on a menu at Denny's.

All of the things his weird fans claim he made possible, are things that would have happened, and were in the process of happening, without him. He literally did nothing to advance the technologies or engineering. In fact, SpaceX whistleblowers have told reporters how they had to keep Musk occupied with bullshit, so they could do the real work without him fucking it up all the time with his incompetence.

But even if he were telling the truth, even if the myth were fact, it would not outweigh the damage, the pain, the chaos, and the suffering he has inflicted on millions and millions of people, all over the world with his lies, his spread of misinformation, and his incitement of angry incels.

Also, don't forget, when Ukraine was trying to defend itself, he turned off Starlink access when they could have decisively ended Russia's aggression. A lot of people have suffered and died as a direct consequence of that action, which he took to support his buddy and fellow autocrat, Vladimir Putin.

That's more information than I think your friends will be willing to hear. Studies indicate that people who are heavily invested in the myth of a person will fight hard to hold onto the myth, and reject truth and facts, because it's so jarring to them. Musk has built a cult of personality, and maybe your friends are stuck to it.

I'd gently encourage your friends to consider one key fact: he has lied about his entire origin story, he has lied about his contributions to Tesla and SpaceX. He lies about everything, except when he posts on Twitter like a 12 year-old edgelord, because that's who he is, emotionally.

Finally, and this is for you, specifically: if your friends insist on supporting a fascist, a racist, a misogynist, or a bigot, because they think rockets are cool, maybe it's time to look for new friends.

I hope this helps.

And fuck Elon Musk.

[friendlyneighborhoodshark]

"How to Life" Masterlist

Cleaning and Tidying

Make your bed in the morning. It takes seconds, and it's worth it.

Reset to zero each morning.

Use the UFYH 20/10 system for clearing your shit.

Have a 'drop-zone' box where you dump anything and everything. At the beginning/end of the day, clear it out and put that shit away.

Automate your chores. Have a cleaning schedule and assign 15mins daily to do whatever cleaning tasks are set for that day. Set a timer and do it once the timer is up, finish the task you're on and leave it for the day.

Fold your clothes straight out of the tumble dryer (if you use one), whilst they're still warm. This minimises creases and eliminates the need for ironing.

Clean your footwear regularly and you'll feel like a champ.

Organisation and Productivity

Learn from Eisenhower's Importance/Urgency matrix.

Try out the two-minute rule and the Pomodoro technique.

Use. A. Planner. (Or Google Calendar, if that's more your thing.)

Try bullet journalling.

Keep a notebook/journal/commonplace book to dump your brain contents in on the regular.

Set morning alarms at two-minute intervals rather than five, and stick your alarm on the other side of the room. It's brutal, but it works.

Set three main goals each day, with one of them being your #1 priority. Don't overload your to-do list or you'll hit overload paralysis and procrastinate.

If you're in a slump, however, don't be afraid to put things like "shower" on your to do list - that may be a big enough goal in itself, and that's okay.

Have a physical inbox - a tray, a folder, whatever. If you get a piece of paper, stick it in there and sort through it at the end of the week.

Consider utilising the GTD System, or a variation of it.

Try timeboxing.

Have a morning routine, and guard that quiet time ferociously.

Have a folder for all your important documents and letters, organised by topic (e.g. medical, bank, university, work, identification). At the front of this folder, have a sheet of paper with all the key information written on it, such as your GP's details, your passport details, driving licence details, bank account number, insurance number(s), and so on.

Schedule working time and down time alike, in the balance that works for you.

Money

Have. A. God. Damn. Budget.

Use a money tracker like toshl, mint, or splitwise. Enter all expenses asap! (You will forget, otherwise.)

Have a 'money date' each week, where you sort through your finances from the past seven days and then add it to a spreadsheet. This will help you identify your spending patterns and whether your budget is actually working or not.

Pack your own frickin' lunch like a grown-up and stop buying so many takeaway coffees. Keep snacks in your bag.

Food and Cooking

Know how to cook the basics: a starch, a protein, a vegetable, and a sauce.

Simple, one-pot meals ("a grain, a green, and a bean") are a godsend.

Batch cook and freeze. Make your own 'microwave meals'.

Buy dried goods to save money - rice and beans are a pittance.

Consider Meatless Mondays; it's healthier, cheaper, and more environmentally friendly.

Learn which fruits and vegetables are cheapest at your store, and build a standard weekly menu around those. (Also remember that frozen vegetables are cheap and healthy.)

Learn seasoning combinations. Different seasoning, even with the exact same ingredients, can make a dish seem completely new.

Misc

Have a stock email-writing format.

Want to start running, but find it boring? Try Zombies, Run!.

Keep a goddamn first aid kit and learn how to use it.

Update your CV regularly.

Keep a selection of stamps and standard envelopes for unexpected posting needs. (It happens more regularly than you would think!)

[fandomscombine]

T-Shirt

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

BG: Coping with missing Aaron Hotchner. It hits harder when you’re newly engaged but barely had any time to celebrate when he gets sent off for Chief BAU duties. Angst, this whole thing is basically yearning.

A/N: Song fic since T-Shirt by Shontelle was stuck in my head for days.

WC: 1019

>>>GENERAL MASTERLIST<<<

>>>CRIMINAL MINDS MASTERLIST<<<

It’s been 16 days, 12 hours and 29 minutes since you’ve been in the loving arms of your fiancé.

No, you aren’t in a lover’s quarrel. In fact, you were at an all-time high, having been newly engaged just 18 days, 8 hours and 17 minutes prior.

But dating the unit chief of the Behaviour Analysis Unit meant that the job doesn’t come lightly. If there’s a case, no matter the time, no matter the location, the team would be on the jet within the hour.

Aaron Hotchner had been upfront with this even before officially starting your relationship, having learned that it was almost always the cause of his failed lovelife.

He had tried his best to keep his emotions at bay but even with his profiling skills, your bright personality and friendship slipped through the cracks and into his heart.

How could he not? You have managed to fit into his work and personal space. Something he himself has yet to perfect. It was the laughter and lightness you were able to bring out of Jack and fill his apartment full of warmth. It was the steady eyes and secret handwritten notes you leave in his Go Bag.

"Wherever you go, know that our love for you travels with you. Be safe, my love. Can't wait to see you soon. - Jack & Y/n "

Seeing Jack’s slightly wavy 6-year old penmanship with yours felt right. It’s these signs of a home to return to that recharges Aaron in rough cases.

But you’re only human. And it just so happens to be one of those days that an empty bed feels like an endless downfall.

The spark in your eyes dimmer and every bone in your body craving his touch.

Your phone lights up. <Hope you’ve got your dance moves ready. Will be there in 30 mins!>

It’s currently 7:43pm and you’re still in the middle of getting ready for the girls night. Officially, the goal of tonight was to reduce stress and let out an end-of-the-work-week frustrations. But you can see past the unusually early and long agenda for the night - the real goal was to get you to forget the past two weeks of “miss yous”.

The reflection looking back at you is a lady dressed to the nines - your dress was flawless, your shoes while slightly heeled, had a secret (as Aaaron likes to call them) foam cushion insoles - perfect to whatever the girls have planned and without the worry of blisters.

On the outside, you’re ready to go but the mood isn’t right. This felt like plastering wallpaper on the cracks.

Tryna decide tryna decide If I really wanna go out tonight I never used to go out without ya Not sure I remember how to Gonna be late gonna be late But, all my girls gon have to wait 'cause I don't know if I like my outfit I Tried everything in my closet

You know they mean well, but tonight is not the night. Slumping back onto your bed, twisting your ring idly. You don’t want to be the downer to their party nor are you in the mood to be hit on at the club so you text a quick apology.

Nothin' feels right when I'm not with you Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos Takin' them off 'cause I feel a fool Tryna dress up when I'm missin' you Imma step out of this lingerie Curl up in a ball with somethin' Hanes In bed I lay With nothin' but cha T-shirt on

Wearing Aaron’s shirt while he’s away on a case became a regular thing near your one-year anniversary. The team had gotten a case up in a fishing village in Alaska and was informed that there would be little mobile.

Since he won’t be able to update you as often as he likes, Aaron devised this deal.

“Here.” He had said, placing one of his home shirts on your lap. “It’s for when you miss me, wear it and it would be like I’m right there with you.”

“Aww, I didn’t know you could be this cheesy.” You say, smirking at him. “I love this side of you.”

Aaron helps you get your head through. “Miss me already?”

“Always” Pecking his dimple. “And this-” You continue, grabbing his phone from his back pocket. “Is something for you.”

That right there frozen in time, a moment of full domesticity, a scene filled with love - Just you and him, wrapped in each other’s arms. Aaron Hotchner, a man people rarely see smile - now has a lockscreen of lovestruck eyes and an infectious smile with you in his clothes reflecting the exact same expression.

Gotta be strong gotta be strong but I'm Really hurtin' now that you're gone I thought maybe I'd do some shoppin' But I couldn't get past the door an Now I just don't know, now I just don't know If I Ever really gon' let cha go And I couldn't even leave my apartment I'm stripped down, torn up about it

It was a dip of the bed that brought you out of your slumber.

“Sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Your eyes were still adjusting to the dark room, but you would know that voice from anywhere. “Aaron? I'm dreaming?”

“No, y/n. I’m really here, I’m home.” He whispers, pulling you close to kiss your forehead. Aaron missed your touch, your voice - he would want to hear about your days but seeing that it was 4am, he is fine settling for second best which is being wrapped around in your arms.

As he snuggles to your chest, the pattern of what you're wearing catches his eye. “So, my old academy shirt huh?”

“Shut up, it’s cause I missed you.”

“I missed you too”

Curl up in a ball with somethin' Hanes In bed I lay With nothin' but cha T-shirt on With nothin' but cha T-shirt on With nothin' but cha T-shirt on ('cause I missed you, 'cause I missed you) With nothin' but cha T-shirt on (said I missed you baby)

[stevespookington]

We are heading into severe weather season in the US soon (and by soon I mean tomorrow) (disclaimer, this is all general advice. pay attention to the official weather sources in your area for alerts and important information. I am not an expert, weather info is just a hobby for me.)

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)/National Weather Service (NWS) has (for now anyways) the Storm Prediction Center (SPC) which is a great source of information to stay weather aware.

The SPC puts out Convective Outlooks. These show where thunderstorms and severe weather have the potential to pop up. (With temperatures warming up, the movement of warm air leads to convection in the atmosphere which results in thunderstorms and sometimes severe weather. There is a good blog post going into more detail here)

Specifically, the outlooks are:

Day 1 Outlook (today and early tomorrow morning)

Day 2 Outlook (the next 24 hours following early tomorrow morning)

Day 3 Outlook (the next 24 hours)

Day 4-8 Outlook (the next days, but these are never too certain due to the way the models work)

These outlooks are timestamped with Zulu time aka Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). You can see how that compares to your local timezone here.

Today (3/13/25), the weather outlook is okay, just a slight risk of thunderstorms across the US. However, Friday (3/14/25) and Saturday (3/15/25) both have a widespread risk of severe weather including strong winds and tornadoes.

If you are in any of these colored regions, stay weather aware! Now, this doesn't mean you have to panic, but keep an eye on the weather reports in your area!

I tend to check the SPC in the morning so I know when I have to really be paying attention to the weather for the day/coming days.

Below is more info on the color coding which you can read more about here. (In addition here is a powerpoint from the NWS with more information "12 Things You Need to Know: Severe Weather Outlooks")

Tips on staying weather aware, it's important to have access to several weather sources.

Check the SPC for updates!

Find your closest NWS Forecast Office via zip code on weather.gov

Keep an eye on the local news and local weather reports

Consider getting a weather radio! (info here from NWS) This is good for if you lose power/internet as you can check the automated radio stations near you

Check the radar (I use the radarscope app) but you can check online with websites like radar.weather.gov or wunderground.com

Ryan Hall Y'all is a youtube channel that livestreams during most severe weather outbreaks

More weather info:

Severe Weather 101

How NOAA Satellites Help Us Stay Ahead of Severe Weather Season

How to Use and Interpret Doppler Weather Radar

TropicalTidbits - Info on hurricanes and other tropical weather

NWS - Emergency Supplies Kit Info

Weather Prediction Center - similar to SPC but more generalized

What to do During a Tornado (via NWS):

Stay Weather-Ready: Continue to listen to local news or a NOAA Weather Radio to stay updated about tornado watches and warnings.

At Your House: If you are in a tornado warning, go to your basement, safe room, or an interior room away from windows. Don't forget pets if time allows.

At Your Workplace or School: Follow your tornado drill and proceed to your tornado shelter location quickly and calmly. Stay away from windows and do not go to large open rooms such as cafeterias, gymnasiums, or auditoriums.

Outside: Seek shelter inside a sturdy building immediately if a tornado is approaching. Sheds and storage facilities are not safe. Neither is a mobile home or tent.  If you have time, get to a safe building.

In a vehicle: Being in a vehicle during a tornado is not safe. The best course of action is to drive to the closest shelter. If you are unable to make it to a safe shelter, either get down in your car and cover your head, or abandon your car and seek shelter in a low lying area such as a ditch or ravine.

NOAA and NWS are under threat from everything going on right now. (Hundreds of weather forecasters fired in latest wave of DOGE cuts.) They provide vital services and do very important research about our weather and climate. While 5calls.org does not currently have a template centered on NOAA/NWS, they have similar ones that you could reference, modify, and use. (I have modified one below that you might consider using.) (5calls.org also has other very important scripts that you might use for other issues.) Please consider calling your representatives and telling them how important weather information is to everybody and that they should be protecting it, not defunding it. Not only for severe weather, but for climate change research and more.

Hi, my name is [NAME] and I’m a constituent from [CITY, ZIP]. I'm calling to demand that [REP/SEN NAME] oppose any legislation, or efforts by the executive branch to dismantle or abolish the National Weather Service or the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. The recent reduction in staff is unacceptable, and will put Americans' lives and property at risk to severe weather. Reduced warning capabilities will put lives at risk and could potentially make response and recovery more hazardous and more expensive. Thank you for your time and consideration. IF LEAVING VOICEMAIL: Please leave your full street address to ensure your call is tallied.

While this is geared towards the US, a lot of this information can be applied via resources specific to your country. And finally, to quote Ryan Hall, Don't be Scared, Be Prepared.

[wormtailfest]

Tale of Tails: A Peter Pettigrew Fest

The Wormtail Fest is proud to present...

Tale of Tails: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Tale of Tails is a fest which aims to explore the complexity of Peter Pettigrew as a character, discover the flexibility of his personality outside of being the traitor, and shine the spotlight on our forgotten Marauder!

Open to anyone 18+ who wants to create art, edits or fics about Peter

Either a Peter POV, or a Peter-centric fic through any POV

Completed one-shot, completed multi-chapter fic, or first chapter of a longer fic

All themes and ratings allowed

No minimum or maximum word count

Sign-ups: May 1st-June 30th

Submissions due: October 26th

Reveals: October 31st

For more detailed information please check out under the cut!

SIGN-UP HERE

Sign-Ups

From May 1st-June 30th, you can fill out the form to sign up to create fics, art, or edits. You’ll then receive an invite to the fest Discord server! Everyone participating in the fest is required to be in the server since that’s where we’ll be sharing updates and other info, and it's where you can meet and chat with fellow fans! If you don't/can't have a discord account for whatever reason but still want to participate please reach out to us!

Creation time

Once you sign-up you'll get invited to join the fest discord server, where you can discuss your fest plans and your work, connect with beta readers, and have lots of other discussions about Peter or other fun topics.

We’ll have a check-ins over the course of the creation period to help motivate and keep everyone on track.

By the end of Sunday October 26th, you must have your work uploaded on AO3 and added to the fest collection TaleOfTails25, or send your edits to one of the mods so we know you’ve finished it, and then on October 31st you’ll post it with the hashtag #TaleOfTails25. 

Collection link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/TaleOfTails25

For fics, this should be either a completed one-shot or a multi-chapter work with at least one completed chapter.

Reveal time

Friday October 31st, the saddest day of our fandom, we’ll lighten it up by posting all of your works about our favourite traitor! 

In the following couple weeks (depending on how many submissions we get) we’ll be encouraging promotion and engagement with everybody’s works as much as we can. Stay tuned for more info on that after we get an idea of how many participants we’re going to have & how best to do it.

Rules:

Fest & server rules

·   This fest & server are intended for Peter centricity. We aim to uplift his character in a community that generally forgets him/waters his character down. Any creations in exploring him further, in whatever way your creativity takes you is welcomed.

·   Discussion of JKR herself and related topics is heavily discouraged in the server so that everyone feels comfortable. This fest does not endorse giving JKR monetary support, such as buying merch or watching the HBO show, and discussion of these topics should be done elsewhere. Any statements supporting JKR’s beliefs on trans people are prohibited in the server and fest, and are grounds for immediate removal and banning from the fest. Any racism, homophobia, misogyny, or other bigotry will result in a ban.

·   Since this fest may contain explicit and dark content, it is only open to 18+ creators. You must be 18 years old at the time of signing up and joining the Discord server. If you're turning 18 during the sign-up period please make sure to only fill out the form after your birthday.

·   Follow fandom etiquette so everything can run smoothly. Don’t like don’t read (DL;DR), Ship and Let Ship (SALS); your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK (YKINMKBYKIOK)

Creation rules

·   Your works have no minimum or maximum word limit, write as much or as little as you want!

·   Your fic doesn’t have to be from Peter’s POV, but the whole story does have to revolve around him; it must be a Peter-centric work.

·   Beta readers are encouraged but not required. Co-writing is welcomed!

·   Fics must be tagged appropriately. You are required to use correct tagging for themes such as nsfw, non-con, dub-con, or incest, so that we (your mods) and you (the participants) can know what they’re reading before they start reading. Mods will reach out to you if there’s a tag you need to add!

·   Any use of generative AI is strictly banned from the fest.

Any questions we haven’t answered?

Feel free to contact us on any of our platforms!

Tumblr: tumblr.com/wormtailfest

Tiktok: wormtailfest.tot

Email: wormtailfest.tot@gmail.com

Mods: 

Sky

tumblr: lonely-parrot

discord: lonely_parrot

Alexis

tumblr: keepmycandleburning

discord: keepmycandleburning

MJ

tumblr: moonsflowerr

discord: mjeno.

Lei

tumblr: vespeelira

discord: bobothebuilder

Leo

tumblr: colourfuldesert

Pixel

discord: colourful_desert

tumblr: neonandfuckinggarbage / badmoonrose

discord: wolfdogboy

[wlwsoccerfics]

Lightheaded(ArsenalWomenXMeadReader)

Warnings: Reader has adhd and is sick.

Summary: you give the Team a scare during a Game when you have to Go to the hospital. Lotte is going with you since she is out with an injury.

You had a cold the last two weeks. But were finally back on the pitch after you have been cleared for practice two days ago. What you didn't tell people, was that you had an ear infection still. Which you didn't think was important to mention. Would have been important though. Which you would find out soon.

It was the second half of the Game. The 49th Minute when the lightheaded feeling was coming back. You had it every day since the cold you had. But you didn't think anything about it. Until you stopped running down the pitch and started swaying. You couldn't even reply to Leah anymore who was trying to get your attention. She was quick to hold you up though. The Game was paused and the medics quickly ran over. So did Beth. Your older sister.

"y/n? What's wrong?" Beth asked, really concerend. Viv also ran over. She was your sister in law and played for Manchester City.

"i feel lightheaded & and my head hurts. So do my eyes and ears!" You admitted. Closing your eyes now. Holding your head.

"did you forget to drink water again, kleintje?" Viv wanted to know. She was quite concerned but tried to stayed calm for Beth who looked really stressed. You indeed didn't drink alot of water. You were a 17 year old Teenage girl with adhd. So you often forgot to eat and drink. Which is why your sister usually reminded you. Cause you live with her and with Viv when she is in London.

"might have forgotten that." You admitted.

"we will get you checked out at the hospital." The medics said. That is how you ended up being taken off of the field on a stretcher. Taking into the ambulance right away. you had your eyes closed for the most part because everything was spinning and you felt really crappy.

At the hospital they checked you over. Lotte was out with an injury so she went there with you. Keeping the Team updated.

"why didn't you tell anyone you still had struggles with your ears?" Lotte asked when you were on your way back to the stadium (one of the staff members picked you up) to meet up with the rest of the Team.

"i didn't think it was so important." You admitted.

"well it is when it comes to Balance and feeling dizzy!" Lotte told you.

"i promise i will let everyone know when i am not feeling well and i promise i will rest the two weeks the doctor suggested to make sure everything is okay." You let Lotte know. Offering her a soft smile. Leaning your head against her shoulder. Closing your eyes.

"tired?" Lotte wanted to know.

"yes, a little." You admitted.

"then rest, we will be back to the stadium in 20 minutes or so." She answered. Wrapping an arm around you. You had a pretty great Power nap.

When you reached the Stadium and walked into the changing rooms where your Team was already waiting for you, Beth went to hug you right away.

"you really scared me." Beth admitted.

"i am sorry!" You told her.

"never scare us like that ever again!" Leah stated.

"i will try not to!" You said and blushed a bit.

"good. from now on you will let us know when you don't feel well!" Kim answered. It wasn't a suggestion it was an Order from your Captain.

"yes Kim!" You replied and sighed softly.

"let's get you home now and rest. Viv already went home to make your favorite food." Beth informed you.

"okay!"you just said and then hugged everyone. Saving Lotte for last.

"Thank you for going with me to the hospital. Means alot to me!" You told her.

"always, and let me know when you need something. I am always just a call away!" Lotte replied and squeezed your shoulder gently.

You went Home and ate some of your favorite food before Beth helped you shower and you went to bed. Having some much needed rest.

[sen-ya]

Sen's Important Info Post

Post last updated 10/29/24

Hey I'm Sen and I draw One Piece too much! I am terrible at keeping things easy to find, turns out when ur job is project management you don’t want to also do it in ur down time. My current theme is following the dopamine, keeping it as fun as it can be for me to draw. Below the cut is information on the different AUs & serializations I've got going on right now :^)

Important Links

[How to use Airtable]

[Sen's Digital Comic Book] - a database of every comic I've made that is woefully not updated often I am sorry. I gotta work on a better system for easy viewing.

[Life After Digital Comic Book] - a database of every page of Life After

[See Comics Early on Ko-Fi!]

[Life After Info Post] - Life After is currently on hiatus!

Posting Schedule

Thursday - Serialized Comics (current: Family AU//Forgetful)

Universe: Main Timeline

Comics that belong to this timeline are meant to follow through the events of canon, many of them were written while I was actively reading and didn't know what would happen next! Every comic that receives this tag happens in the same universe, so they may refer to each other in both plot-important and not important ways. These comics are largely LuLaw but include sprinkles of Heart Pirates (in general and as family), ZoSan, and general shenanigans.

Serializations:

Getting Together - Will they/won't they? They will, but they're gonna be stupid about it. Anything tagged into this series you can assume they haven't established that they're romantically interested in each other.

Established LuLaw - Two idiots in love. Anything tagged with this series you can assume they're together. They may not refer to each other as "boyfriend" or "partner" but whatever it is that's going on is clear to the two of them and that's what matters.

Law Loses - Most comics in this series deal with the aftermath of Winner Island. Law feels like a curse.

Goofs Only - These comics don't require serialization. They're just some good fun. If they include LawLu/LuLaw, they'll also be tagged as either "Getting Together" or "Established" so you have context for their reactions.

The Heart Bros - Law, Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi found each other as kids. Comics in this series act as glimpses into their time growing up and other brotherly interactions. This is noncompliant with the Law novel. Once they form the Heart Pirates, they consider each other brothers.

ZoSan - I don't draw these two a lot anymore, so this series is just a general ZoSan category!

Heart Pirate Shenanigans - I went all in on Heart Pirates Week 2024 and wrote a bunch of comics about the various crew members! Leaving this as an open series for when I inevitably fall down another Heart Pirate rabbit hole.

Universe: Older/Family AU

Comics that belong to this timeline are meant to follow through the events of canon, many of them were written while I was actively reading and didn't know what would happen next! Every comic that receives this tag happens in the same universe, so they may refer to each other in both plot-importanComics in this universe take place anywhere from 7 - 30 years post canon. Mostly LuLaw with sprinkles of other shenanigans. You can assume events from the main timeline are canon in this AU.

Serializations:

Accidents Happen - Law gets a cold and stops running a few effects that he'd taken for granted.

Getting Married - Did you know if two pirate captains want to get married, they can just say they're married?

Extras - This series is for posts that offer context/additional information about what's going on in the AU

Family Fluff - These are a series of comics where the focus is on Law and/or Luffy as a parent.

Forgetful - Law gets hit by a devil fruit that makes him forget everything that's happened since just before Marineford.

Get back to it - After spending some time on Zou in Rocy's first 18 months, it's time for Luffy & Law to get back to pirating.

Universe: The Worst Timeline

Comics in this universe branch off of the main timeline around Whole Cake/early Wano. These comics may refer to earlier 'main timeline' events, but what happens in them is so terrible I've refused to make them part of my own personal canon. Sometimes it's just too temping to make them suffer :^)

Serializations:

Rightfully Worried - This series is an AU in which Luffy gets the absolute shit kicked out of him in Whole Cake and when he arrives on Wano Law has to save his life. It's not the first time he's performed surgery on him, but it is the first time he's had to since he's cared so much about his patient.

The Worst Wake-Up Call - During an intense battle, Law makes a decision. The ones who love him deal with the aftermath.

[crumpetz]

a little update on the progress of The Big Road Home

it has been so long since i made a post that i had to figure out what to click on all over again lol. this week it hit me that ppl follow me specifically for fic upates and it just slipped my mind that i could be saying more. i have, like, internet social anxiety, and just default to never saying anything most of the time.

anyway, i'm really happy to report that progress on the fic has really moved along recently. for anyone who doesn't know, i have long covid and the brain fog has really interfered with my writing process. i originally taught myself to write using a certain system where i kept a lot of things in my head at once, and since losing that ability, i've been relearning how to write in a way my current self can do. which especially has sucked for the fic and where it left off, because the part i stopped at was actually a huge group of scenes scattered through multiple otherwise completed chapters that i was saving for later (before i got long covid). because even in my peak condition with my brain capable of keeping all the details straight, those scenes were still so challenging and important to get right that i wanted to wait until i was feeling extra sharp lol. so yeah, i've been basically having to reread my entire fic over and over every time i wanna figure out how to add in like one small part of all the things i've gotta cover (and thanks to the brain fog, on average, i'm capable of thinking thru all that maybe three days out of every month if i'm lucky?)

so, all that rereading and getting the details and characters consistent finally has been paying off, because i reached the stage this past week where i could finally bring it all together. the final product is going to be less seamless than what i'd originally intended, but that's just a given now that my brain is different. and, full disclosure, the stuff that i'm talking about is exposition. which i think for most ppl reading my fic is more like information they just want to know and less something that needs to feel seamless in delivery, unlike character interactions and emotional arcs. so, the reality is that the exposition in the next handful of chapters is gonna be a little clunky, but the non-exposition stuff will all be like normal, with the same amount of care i usually work toward.

i don't want to assume when everything will be ready. final tweaks always take me longer than i'm expecting. but to put it into perspective, i spent the last 2-3 yrs (i forget how long it's been oh no) getting thru like 20 percent of what needed to be done. and then i just spent a few days last week getting through 60 percent. i'm gonna wait until the full set of chapters i'm working on is complete because i want to be able to post them without a long wait in between, and i want to take the time to really get the emotional beats right. but i guess if i had to say anything for sure, it would be that for the first time since i got long covid, i'm truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for this fic.

my final note is that the next set of chapters isn't the end of The Big Road Home btw. i forget if i ever mentioned this, but from the start, The Big Road Home was going to be three main parts. the first part with jason and tim being street kids together, then this part we're in with tim living with the Wayne's is part 2. there's gonna be a whole 3rd part coming. idk how long it'll be, lol. it's the only part i haven't written a single word of because i've kind of been saving it as a treat.

thanks for your patience and encouragement all this time. as i said, i have pretty awful social anxiety on the internet and don't reply to ppl who reach out nearly as often as i want to. but every kind word or fanart or playlist or thoughtful comment on stuff you noticed etc etc has really carried me through the past few yrs. i can't tell you how many times i was spiraling, feeling like i might not be able to figure out how to write the next part with my current limitations, and one of you said something so lovely and encouraging, and i'd just suddenly have it in me to give it another try.

[marmaladeinlemonade]

Ppl will complain about Pressure updates and devs while forgetting Pressure is NEW.

Ik tumblr has more users with common sense but the amount of tiktoks and tt users say that the game was at its PEAK two weeks after the game's release just bc you could climb Sebastian, he wasn't (visibly) married (it was always written into his character), and tolerated the players slightly more is INSANE.

Most games, at that, aren't at its peak gameplay and story a month after release!!

"The anti-climbing mechanic doesn't even fix anything!" Yeah because you climbed Sebastian several times over ofc at SOME point you're gonna get softlocked bro. Maybe try playing pressure for a reason aside from harassing seb.

I genuinely feel like the pressure fanbase tend to forget that Pressure is from roblox programmers in a small developing group. This isn't Hoyoverse or DevSisters where the game is fully polished with information on all characters and a finalized world building upon release because the company has more time, money, and skilled labor to develop that. It was made in ~1 year and a rushed release.

Not only that, but Pressure is a passion-project. It isn't driven by money, which means there's not much of an incentive to please the playerbase with fan service content that changes lore/characters so people can buy it. (Fan service as in any content made to make ppl happy) So, developers are going to choose what they want to do with the game bc they don't care whether or not you play. Zeal said so first thing in his interview with Breadian.

Amazing features that enrich gameplay and world building such as Sebastian killing walldwellers and the DiVine being able to kill you, Navi-AI turning into a new character, and several new room types are hinted to come to Pressure but nooo!!! Its somehow cooked and unsavable because of ONE form of characterization YOU deem incorrect not even knowing the character's lore. Right.

Edit: Pressure has a future as a roblox game that values storytelling and immersing the user in it's world. We need rblx games like it that put work over profit so people stay on the platform. Especially when older and new games have become money hungry over time.

Its really crazy how people be biting the hand that feeds them. Seb could easily be replaced with an expendable or unknown void like jeffery as a merchant npc if this continues. Online users will really be out her acting like the person who wrote and designed their favorite character is all of a sudden BAD!! And their favorite character is RUINED!!! And TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM!! Because their personality wasn't made to please the fanbase.

Yes, Sebastian hates you. Not pouty tsundere hates you, he is literally keeping you alive against his own will by mr. Lopee. He not tryna fuck bro 🔥

[rewvyu]

Latest Update on Infinity Nikki CN Stylists protest

It has been more than 12 hours since Papergames put out an statement on the protest and the many issues in 1.5. On Infinity Nikki's official Chinese social media channels; Weibo, and Xiaohongshu, comments have reached more than 78,000 as of this afternoon, 12PM UTC+8 Beijing time.

General consensus among CN stylists is that Papergames statement was a word-play aimed at normalising 220 pull max pity and that they have brazenly ignore many issues raised by stylists.

While some may argue that Papergames have been generous and all with the free gifts. CN Stylists real fight is for a fair and reasonable max pity and to protect consumer's right of fellow stylists. Since the launch of Infinity Nikki in December last year, what started out as a 180 pull max pity 5-star outfit have grown to what is now 220 pull max pity for a complete 5-star outfit. Many CN stylists that are loyal fan of the Nikki series knows all too well that Papergames are trying to push the line to make higher max pity a norm, as most of them have already seen it happened in the past Nikki games.

CN stylists have come out with a boycott plead for stylists to unite together and protect consumer's right, and fight against Papergames corporate greed.

Translated from a Xiaohongshu post : (note: I aim to do my best to provide the most accurate translation, but there may be some error here and there. For some parts, I have translated in a more appropriate wording to provide better context instead of literal translation. If you have any question, feel free to ask in reply or reblog and I will answer to my best ability)

Dear whales, dolphins, spenders, stylists, please once again hold your ground! Since the launch of 1.5 we have fought against the bad practices by not spending, writing negative reviews on steam, send our feedback to customer service, and reported them to the relevant government authority department. Yet, we received a perfunctory statement from Papergames. They are not acknowledging the issues, they are admitting that they are in a bad situation. Our protest has yet to success, we need to unite together and boycott by not spending any more. This version is still have long way to go, we have to force them to make changes, you will still be able to pull your outfit banners & buy store items closer to the end of the season. If we accept and let Papergames to keep releasing such perfunctory statement, giving perfunctory compensation; just 20 pulls, just only enough to pull for the new socks they added. If we don't fight back now, this will become a norm and in the future they won't even compensate the cost of the socks. If we, the stylists, forgives Papergames so easily then there will still be a next time and it will only get worst. Papergames apology statement translation into simpler terms: 1. We know the game have a lot of bugs, apologies, fixing, don't rush us, be understanding for the sake of Nikki. 2. Both 5-stars banners are pretty, it is so pretty we decide to add a 11-piece, not informing stylists is our fault, we won't make more than 11-piece for 5-star. (CN stylists take: you know they can add 6-stars or more with more than 11-pieces in the future) 3. Mira Crown, revert back to 14-days with a +1 to 2 extra days on top. Basically, two Mira Crown per month. 4. Workshop: future plan promises, we heard your feedback etc etc... (CN stylists take: they don't even address the colour palette unlocking issues) 5. Enough already, we are gonna take money from you and return it to you as compensation, now go play the game, and we have apologised, for the sake of Nikki let's not talk about it any more.

Other issues:

6. Don't forget they can even misspell Nikki's name! In the apology letter they say they love Nikki, it is just an excuse to say they love money. 7. They made changes to the Terms & Policies in-game with bolded red text without pre-informing us. 8. Cold-shoulder treatment to issues raised: Spending event issue, 68RMB bath tub, not splitting up the mermaid's tail, colour palette is still not universal unlock, no fixed max pity system, changing UI at will.

Clearly there should be a fixed max pity, more reasonable pieces (my understanding: they probably meant things like the mermaid tail), extra pieces can be given out for free when reached max pity pulls, opening gift boxes should reward everything (my understanding: they probably refer to the spending event issues), playing dead (not listening to stylists), do they not understand at all?

They know, they are just doing it on purpose so that they can create a new baseline. In the future when stylists complain about why there is only 11-pieces, they will use the argument that we complained about 11-pieces back then so they won't split any more pieces and continue to disgust stylists. (my note: CN stylists are not fighting against more pieces, they are fighting for a fair and reasonable max pity ceiling as part of consumer's rights)

For those that love Nikki, and those who hope that Infinity Nikki continue to thrives for a long time to come, no one is satisfied by the apology statement from Papergames.

Our Nikki is such a nice person, why should we take a step back and let such disgusting plan and marketing continue.

[shamelessbigbang]

Round 13 is here!

Aaaand it's back! It's been a hot minute but we are happy to announce the next round of the Shameless Big Bang! As mentioned in a previous post, @whaticameherefor and @wehangout will be running the shindig this time around, we're both super excited to see what this amazing fandom comes up with! Also, check out the new banner by the wonderful @celestialmickey - thank you, Macy!

A bit of housekeeping before we get started. Take a read of the FAQ page so you know what is expected of you, but a couple of specifics ...

The minimum word count for the Shameless Big Bang is 20k. There is no maximum.

At least one piece of art must be done, but artists are more than welcome to do more than that.

Your fic must be completed by the posting date.

If your fic is way over the 20k mark, then at least that first 20k must be ready for posting day. You will also need to provide a posting schedule to ensure the fic will be posted in its entirety.

And without further ado, here is our schedule!

September 5 – Sign-Ups open

October 7 – LAST DAY TO SIGN UP/Confirmations sent

October 21 – First Author Checkpoint

November 4 - Rough drafts due

November 11 – Summary previews for artists

November 15 – Artist claims open (authors and artists will be paired up on a first come, first served basis)

December 16 – First artist and second author checkpoint 

January 20 – Second artist and third (and FINAL) author checkpoint

February 3– Posting Schedule will be announced

February 24 – Posting begins!

Again, we are sticking with the original format of completing your work before posting. If you plan to participate, please try to be mindful of that when you commit. Also, while most people are good about staying in touch, we have people every round who have issues with communicating and responding to emails. We are going to continue to take a more strict approach with that if people aren’t responsive, especially once authors and artists are paired off and the posting dates get closer. Check points are designed to update the organizers about your progress, so if at any point you feel like you won’t complete your fic, these are the times to let us know! We will not be confirming your sign up until the last day, so please wait until after then to reach out if you don't hear from us.

You can sign up to participate here!!

Don’t forget that there are a few different ways to keep up with us:

The Shameless Big Bang Tumblr page is the primary source of information. Remember, you can find out more info about the Big Bang at our Info & FAQ page. You can find links to the art and stories from previous rounds, and the home page even shows our commonly used tags, which you can use to filter through posts.

We also have a Discord! If you provide your Discord information during sign-up, we'll add you automatically.

As a reminder, the Big Bang is a collaborative effort between authors and artists. Please be mindful about your time and how busy you are when you sign up. We don’t want you to have to drop out and leave someone in the lurch if we can avoid it.

If there are any questions, you’re always welcome to send this page an ask, hit us up independently, or email us at gallavichbigbang@gmail.com! Reblog and spread the word!

[bananayuyu]

just friends (5) - stuck in the middle

pairing: san x f reader

genre: smut, angst, a bit of fluff

word count: 14.2k

warnings: MDNI, smut, edging, vibrator use, unprotected sex, getting into dom/sub dynamics a bit, more fighting

a/n: just wanted to let you all know that it'll be a while until the next update of this series. I am going to focus for the next while on another writing project (a book) that is really important to me. but I promise I will pick this series up later this year. I don't know when yet, but I am so obsessed with these characters that I know it won't be too long. I am determined to give them a satisfying end to their story. I hope you all enjoy this part <3

<- previous part | next part -> | series masterlist | read it on ao3

10 Months Ago

"Hey, what's wrong?" Tina asked as soon as you walked in, hair wet from her shower, her sweats and t-shirt hanging loose from her frame.

"I'm freaking out girl, ugh, my fucking anxiety," you groaned, running your hands over your face and hair.

"You still panicked about what San said yesterday?" she asked you, standing up to come give you a hug, pulling you onto the couch to sit with her.

"I guess, I- I don't know, something's wrong with my fucking brain," you sighed, then sneezed hard, cringing at the pain radiating through your sinuses.

"Your allergies can't be helping," she said, grabbing a tissue from the side table and handing it to you. "And we probably have a shit ton of dust in here too," she laughed.

"It's okay, they're this bad at my place too, it's just how they are right now," you replied.

"Have you made an appointment with that allergist?" she asked.

"No, I keep forgetting to call before they close. Their office closes at four, it's so early," you sighed, looking over to her. She nodded in agreement, knowing how your late schedules often made scheduling appointments hard; most of the rest of the world operated on a different timeline for you, and while generally it was a positive thing, the quietness of the late night a comfort, there were certain ways it made your life unquestionably harder.

"It's 3:30 right now, let me call," she said, pulling up her phone and searching for the name Maya's coworker had given her two days before.

"Titi you don't have to," you sighed, looking at her with upturned eyebrows.

"Just let me, it'll be easy. That way we don't forget," she said with finality, making the call.

You sat still as she rattled off every bit of information about you from memory; your birthday, the complicated spelling of your last name, even your insurance ID. Four years of knowing her and she'd learned everything there was to know about you; when you'd first met, people always suspected that you liked each other, but it had never been like that, no matter how much it could have been. Your relationship with her was better than any romance; no drama, no questioning, no confusion. Somehow everything was always smooth sailing, somehow your disagreements or miscommunications never turned into a fight; it baffled you still that you'd managed to create this friendship with her, when almost all the other relationships in your life felt on the constant brink of cracking.

At least you could be a good friend to someone. Someone who was good and kind in all the ways that mattered, someone who cared for you back and helped you when you needed it. As you stared at her face from the side you played over the conversation you two had the day before. You'd made almost no sense, you were sure, yet she picked through all your rambling and found the truth; you didn't want San's romantic affection, didn't want your thing with him to be anything but physical. It was pure and simple, that was all there was to it. And maybe just maybe, such an intimate night with him had crossed over your line.

"Are you sure I'm not an asshole for not dating him officially?" you asked her again some minutes later.

"Dude, seriously, you're not. You told me you guys have talked about it, not just once but multiple times, and he's agreed that this is the arrangement he wants. If he doesn't want it he has to say something. And I think he would say something, you know? He doesn't strike me as the type to be so insecure that he wouldn't," she replied.

"I know, I just-" you sighed, shaking your head. "Friends with benefits situations are never really healthy though, are they? I mean like very, very rarely do they actually work. They're always toxic."

"Just cause most people don't communicate their feelings affectively doesn't mean that all casual relationships are unhealthy. If both people involved are happy with it, then that's all that matters. That's all that matters for any relationship really," she answered you.

"That's true," you said, turning back to her.

"You've stayed over once in the two months you've been seeing him. It's nothing to panic about," she reassured you, a hand on your knee.

"What if he's secretly hating this whole thing between us?" you asked, your eyes on hers.

"Then he'd be stupid, cause even getting an ounce of your attention should make anyone's life," she responded, smiling.

"Shut up, oh my god," you rolled your eyes, but a smile crept onto your face as you chuckled.

"Listen, I'm not in your relationship, maybe it isn't the healthiest, maybe he's hating it, who knows? I'm always gonna be on your side though, even if you're not making the best choices. Like- I just can't not be, you know?"

"Yeah, that's how I feel about you too," you said, smiling.

"You were the only one that was excited about me moving in with Maya," she laughed, and you laughed too, grabbing onto her hand.

"You just knew it would work, you just had a feeling. I trusted that," you said, looking at her fondly.

"And I trust you with this thing, no matter what anybody else would say, cause I know you always figure it out in the end. Even if there's some confusion along the way. You always find what's right, always. I know you'll do what's right with San, too," she said, her eyes soft, reflecting back the hope and worry in your own.

You certainly longed for her words to be true; unending support and faith, it was what you wished anyone else in your life had for you the way she did, especially your family. But with San, was she really right? Her confidence felt too good to question, so you pushed your worried thoughts aside as best as you could.

"Any word on the manuscript yet?" she asked.

You shook your head, sighing as you chuckled in frustration, the day floating away as every feeling swirled within you, a cocktail too complicated for you to understand.

6 Months Ago

"Wait, isn't that the super fancy fondue place in Uptown?" Tina asked from beside you, a lash in hand as she gently applied glue to it. The room was bustling with activity, as several wide-eyed newbies dressed and painted their faces in panic, clearly not yet used to the pace of night life work. The three of them looked eighteen at most, but you couldn't be sure; thankfully Sasha and Bibi had taken them under their wings, as the three were drag performers too. It seemed your boss was trying to corner a new market, and you weren't at all mad; it was as interesting to you to see the new performances as it was to the customers, and you couldn't wait to sneak out later and catch a glimpse of the new numbers on the night's schedule.

"Yeah I think so, I've heard it's expensive as hell," you laughed, desperately trying to pin a curl in place.

"Yeah like more than a hundred dollars a person, right?" Tina asked.

"Wait really?"

"Yeah girl, it's like a hundred and fifty a person I'm pretty sure, and who knows if you buy wine or anything else how expensive that gets," she replied, leaning forward and squinting her eye in preparation for placing the lash.

"Titi, geez," you gaped at her, giving up on the curl momentarily.

"Good for you, sounds like you got yourself a sugar daddy, basically," she laughed, pulling back from the mirror to asses the placement of the lash.

"Ugh no, don't say that," you cringed, looking back to the mirror and taking yourself in, the version of you with a full face of makeup and an absurd outfit, the girl who looked absolutely nothing like you.

"Why not, it's like the dream, right?" she joked.

"I- I guess so, I just-" Staring at yourself in the mirror, you sighed deeply. "I don't know why it's making me freak the fuck out, I was feeling better the last few weeks, fuck I'm so annoyed," you sighed, wanting desperately to put your head in your hands but knowing you'd fuck up the heavy face of makeup you'd just spent nearly an hour applying.

"It feels too relationship-y, doesn't it?" she asked, turning to face you.

"Everyone else there is gonna be on dates, no doubt," you sighed, hands behind your head.

"Girl, fuck 'em. Like seriously, what does it matter what other people might think? Y'all have figured it out, you have this dynamic that works for you. He's offering to pay for a one hundred and fifty dollar meal. Don't turn that down," she said.

"I wish I could take you with me," you laughed, sighing. "Also it's not his money, the meal is gonna be comped cause his boss knows the guy who owns the place."

"Fucking finance bros," Tina laughed.

"Tech, Ti, he's in tech," you chuckled.

"Same difference, anyway, whatever the method of payment is, don't you dare give up the chance to go eat there. Relish it, go fucking crazy, get the best bottle of wine that they have! We will spend the whole day doing your hair and makeup and buy you a perfect dress and oh god! You're gonna look so fucking good-"

"Titi calm down, please," you joked, cutting her off and holding your hands over her mouth playfully. Her antics were catching the attention of the rest of the room, and you felt a twinge of embarrassment hit you as the three new hires looked directly your way; thankfully it was only Sasha that flounced over to you, with a playful smile on her face.

"What are you two so excited about?" she joked, you both shaking your heads and apologizing for the commotion. "Well I'm happy to see it, I haven't seen you two like this in months," she said, finally sitting herself down at her station beside you.

"We finally got over our spring depressions," you chuckled, once again grabbing the pesky piece of hair giving you trouble and rolling it into the perfect circle to place at your temple.

"Spring depressions? What was so bad about this spring?" she asked, pulling out her giant makeup bag, cracking it open with a satisfying click.

"Oh you know, my play got literally zero traction, not a single fucking person was interested in putting in on," you sighed, finally pinning the hair in place with a satisfied grunt.

"Hey that play was amazing, no matter the amount of commercial interest it got," Tina responded, working on her second lash.

"I know but, I want to be successful, I wrote it the way I thought people would- fuck, I'm so over talking and thinking about it, it is what it is, but it- it was so discouraging, it did worse than my last play, and that one I put barely any effort into," you sighed.

"Miss thing, you can't let the success or failures of your writing dictate how you feel about life. You know how this industry is, it doesn't matter how talented you are, sometimes the money or interest just doesn't materialize. Don't let it get you so down. We all know you're a brilliant writer," Sasha said, rifling through her massive pile of lipsticks, the sounds of last minute costume changes and choreography checks filling the air. All he sounds around you reminded you of your first day here, the chaos you were in; a sudden wave of emotion hit you, nostalgia and longing and regret all swirling together, and you tried to swallow it all down.

"Sash that's very sweet, but what if I told you I've become a sex addict to cope?" you deadpanned, looking at her with pouted lips.

"Oh darling, we've all been there," she sighed, and the three of you burst into giggles, the conversation veering off in another direction, your sudden ridiculous comment making everyone forget the serious conversation from moments ago.

It had been demoralizing, the weeks passing by with no good news from your agent. She'd tried all she could, she promised you; you knew she was telling the truth, knew she was on your side and fighting the good fight. But you couldn't help feeling completely demotivated; not a single complete paragraph had fallen from your fingers in the three months since you'd finished it, and only now, the last week or so, had you started to write again. Thanks to Tina and her brilliant and adorable idea for a musical, your creative gears were spinning in just the way you needed. But those terribly halting months had been more crushing than you'd expected, more severe than you'd be willing to admit to anyone; you'd used your nights with San and nights with your vibrator to get through. And it all had started to feel a bit absurd; you weren't sure what the hell you were doing, and weren't sure what the fuck you could do to stop yourself.

The winter was always hard for Tina, with her depressions, but this spring because of your state, her winter blues had extended longer than they usually did. There'd been one almost fight, one tough conversation; she realized what was happening, understood herself well enough to know that being around your ever sadder disposition was making her feel worse and worse, too. She'd put her foot down; there was a week spent apart, and a request that you didn't continue to complain for the thousandth time to her about how much you hated the world for not understanding your art, and not wanting it.

You were starting to sound a bit full of yourself, and she called you on it; much needed, for sure, but it stung in a way that only those words coming from her mouth would sting, embarrassment coating your hurt. It made you snap out of it, almost immediately; the next day you already felt different, already knew that this was just the way of the world, the way of the life you chose. You'd have to get used to this kind of rejection if you were going to make it in a creative life; art was subjective, there was never going to be a sure fire way to make something that everyone loved. You were only twenty-two, had plenty of time to get your writing career off the ground; and only a few weeks later, as if the universe knew you needed a little pick-me-up, Tina jokingly rattled off a fantastic idea for a musical that you wished beyond words you'd come up with yourself.

Life started to feel stable again; even with San things felt stable, and though you now spent nights over several times a month, you'd still managed to hold the line mostly, no feelings getting involved. You enjoyed his presence in the way you did a good friend; you appreciated his shared interest in musicals, which now that you were writing one, felt especially fun. He loved the idea as much as you did, and encouraged you time and time again when you spewed on about it; it was he who helped you pare down the number of songs you wanted, getting to the crux of the scenes in need of that particular type of development, and you couldn't have been more thankful that day for his help.

Not that you said that to him. In no way did him knowing how much he helped you out of a creative rough spot seem like a good idea.

The stability had lulled you into a sense that things would never change with him; you'd found a perfect balance it seemed, and having him there to help you cope with a frustrating few months had made the whole arrangement seem even more perfect. You had helped him too, you learned; it wasn't until he transferred to his new company that he told you, but you noticed the change in him immediately. His shoulders were less tense, he was more open with his words; he finally escaped that old company and he'd thanked you in the dead of night for being there during that time, keeping him from going completely insane.

When he asked you to accompany him to the Melting Pot, you were sure he was joking. Only once had you heard someone mention the restaurant; it was a girl you and Tina peripherally knew in college, one who came from boarding school and Hamptons vacations and perfect designer bags. It was the kind of place that you knew probably sucked; no way could food be that good, worth that much money. But the girl had described it with such reverence, so enthralled; it sounded like the experience of it was almost like a wondrous show, and in that way it sounded like the perfect escape for rich people in need of more and more excitement, a simple meal not even enough for them to enjoy anymore.

You'd rolled your eyes at him, and he accepted your perspective; eventually, though, he persuaded you, insisting that there was no one else he'd rather take, no one else he'd rather experience the strange place with.

It shouldn't have made your heart flutter so much to hear him say such things.

You'd gone, of course you had, even though you'd had to take a day off work on a Saturday. Everyone, even your boss, had agreed that you'd needed to take some time away; you hadn't called out for nearly three months straight, even though you'd been nursing a depression that should have stolen your attention more. Work was the best distraction, something you always used as medicine when you needed to, but even you could see that maybe a day off wouldn't be so bad, especially now that you were feeling better.

It meant that Tina couldn't help you dress or get ready after all, but that was no worry to you; you had your own fun getting ready at home, pulling out the only dress you owned that would both feel comfortable in the crushing heat and look fancy enough for the ridiculous establishment you were about to enter. San had insisted on coming to pick you up and meet you at your door; a one time thing, he promised it would be, as he knew just how much you seemed to never want his escort. You'd both be headed some twenty minutes away, in a beautiful black car that you didn't know the name of, and it made no sense for you to walk to his place, he'd said. It'd made too much sense to argue with, so you'd let him. Opening the door to his beautiful face was a shock to your system; the cream, dingy walls of your apartment complex were no match for his sharp all-black suit, the muscles of his chest on full display underneath his tight button-up, making you swallow hard. And his eyes snaking up and down your form had you frozen a bit, your tiniest black purse slung over your left elbow.

"This good enough?" you laughed, but it was hollow and sharp, your nerves getting the better of you.

"You look beautiful," he said, his voice low and sultry as he stared deeply into your eyes. Your cheeks heated immediately, your whole body reacting; you couldn't afford the reaction though, not when you wore no bra and your hard nipples would be obvious, and not when you wore no panties and your arousal could so easily slip down your leg.

You were quiet in the back of the car, San's hand on your thigh, your eyes glued to the road outside. You were rarely ever in this part of town, hadn't been in over a year; you forgot just how many shops there were, how wide the boulevards stretched, how tall and bright the Target sign was, it's red light painting the entire sidewalk below. Living downtown you were used to tall buildings, but it was the brightness and perfection of Uptown that always shocked you. How did they keep the streets up here so damn clean?

The hot evening air greeted you as you stepped out, San's hand guiding you from the car and making sure you tugged down the bit of your dress that had ridden up your thigh during the drive. He waved off the driver with a kind smile; you saw him tip the man generously on his phone, before locking it and shoving it in his pocket, holding out his left arm for you to take.

The front of the restaurant was unassuming, an uneven brick wall with simple black doors, an almost gaudy looking witch's pot adorning the awning above. But as soon as he'd opened the door, you were met with wonder; it was dark inside, every surface smooth and shiny, the dark wood of the front desk lacquered and sloped, not a sharp surface in sight. The floor was black with what looked like tiny specks of silver or clear stone, and the walls were all black too, the staff dressed in perfectly pressed outfits, all wearing suits, even the women.

The cool air hit you as soon as you entered; you gripped onto San, a shiver running through you, as you blinked and took in the room around you, the lighting so low it was unclear where the actual seated areas were.

"Choi, reservation for two," San said to the host, the man giving him a quick nod and typing something into the computer in front of him. You'd never heard his last name before, and didn't register it as such; you thought it must be the name of his boss, or his company, or whoever had made this arrangement for him.

"Right this way," the host said, walking around the desk and beckoning you towards him, the vague shape of a hallway materializing as you stepped forward. You shivered harder as you walked, a blast of cool air coming from somewhere in the ceiling.

"You okay?" San whispered down to you, not turning his head.

"I'm freezing," you whispered back, and then his eyes looked down to your bare legs, and he laughed.

"Why'd you wear something that- uh-" he chuckled as he kept his voice down, not wanting anyone to overhear. You were still walking down the hallway, still unable to see where you were headed.

"It's hot as fuck outside!" you whispered yelled, and he turned to you with his mouth agape, holding a hand up to your mouth.

"Don't use that word in here!" he huffed back, but his face was breaking into a smile, finding it all hilarious. "Here, take this," he said, breaking away from you for a second to take off his suit jacket before placing it over your shoulders.

"San, I-"

But as overcome as you were with the moment, suddenly your attention was elsewhere, for you'd entered an area that finally was lit a little more, and the tables and booths around you were nothing but breathtaking. There were few tables set through the huge room, the best seating clearly the tall booths along the back wall that sat up a few feet and offered a sense of privacy. From your angle you could spot a chocolate fondue tower on the right most table; a beautiful set of girls sat gushing over it, strawberries and papaya in hand, the fruit sparkling under the shimmery gold chandeliers that graced the ceiling above every table.

It was the left most booth you were walking towards; as you passed one of the tables, the older woman sitting gave you a not-so-subtle once over, and immediately you swallowed and tore your eyes away, not sure what it was about you that so displeased her. You were walking ahead of San, following the host at a distance you felt was appropriate, and as he made for the very left back corner of the room you were overcome with a feeling of not belonging, the room littered with the kind of people you'd hardly ever been around in your life.

"Steve brought this down himself for you two, it's a Yamazaki Single Malt whiskey from his collection," the host started as you both slid into the cozy booth, presenting a bottle of dark amber liquor, setting it down on the beautiful mahogany table. "He sends his regards, said you two are our guests for the night. So anything you need, you just let me know," he finished, a pleasant smile slapped permanently on his face.

"Thank you so much, I'll have to thank him myself for this," San replied, grabbing the bottle in his hand and inspecting it, rolling it slightly side to side.

"Would you like a glass of that tonight? Or something else to drink?" the host asked.

"I'd love to have some of this, thank you," San nodded at him, then looked over to you, eyebrows raised.

"Oh, uh, I'll try some," you said, suddenly feeling like you couldn't say no, no matter how much you hated whiskey. "Could I have a glass of water, too?"

"Of course, will that be all for drinks?" he asked, that same serene smile still gracing his round face. You both nodded in unison, and in a moment the man was out of sight, lost to the dark hallway from which you'd emerged minutes ago, making not a sound as he walked.

"Guess how much that whiskey costs," San said as he turned to you, scooting closer and throwing an arm around your shoulder, the grin on his face almost cocky. The booth was a small half circle that encased the round table, allowing for as much closeness or distance as two people could want at a meal.

"San, do I look weird in your suit jacket?" you asked though, ignoring his inquiry, still playing over and over the look that woman had given you. He turned his face towards you, already looking confused. "I stuck my arms through like this cause it's more comfortable, but do I look insane?"

"You look beautiful," he said again, placing a soft kiss on your temple, and though it should have completely reassured you, made you calmer, it made you feel almost worse. You pushed him away subtly, looking at him with pathetic eyes.

"Seriously, no other girl in here has a jacket over her dress, they all think I'm being weird, don't they?" you asked.

"Baby no one's looking at you, no one cares, plus you look adorable in my jacket," he said, looking you over.

"It swallows me whole," you pouted.

"Yeah, it's adorable," he repeated, looking at you almost sternly. "Why are you worried about it?"

"I don't belong in here, I feel weird-"

"Of course you belong in here, what do you mean?" he cut you off, seeing your gears turning towards upset, needing to put a stop to it as quickly as he could.

"This place is for rich people, not people like me!" you cried under your breath, looking around at the manners and posture of every other couple, those habits that only upper class breeding could teach a person.

"It's not for rich people, it's not that expensive, not like some exclusive place you need an invite to or anything like that," he responded, eyeing you. "Are you seriously not having a good time?"

"How expensive is that whiskey?" you shot back, and he sighed in a momentary defeat, but didn't move from his position mere inches away. "What, is it like $500?" you continued. San looked away for a moment, eyes scanning the empty table as if it were the most interesting thing in the room. "Shit, $1000?" A deep sigh fell through his lungs, and he looked back to you, subtly shaking his head. "It's more than a $1000?" you eyed him, eyebrows high with shock. "Don't tell me it's like $10,000 or something," you laughed, shaking your head.

"I think it might be close," he said, but his voice was tight; no longer was he sure if he could joke about these expensive things with you, with just how uncomfortable you seemed to be.

"That's rich people shit, like rich rich people shit," you sighed, your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

"Yeah, is that a problem?" he nearly snapped.

"It's not me," you said, your upper body subtly leaning away from his piercing eyes.

And just as he was about to speak, the host came back, two empty tumblers and a glass of water on a small platter. He set it all down, passing the water to you; he poured the two glasses of whiskey with ease, leaving the bottle open on the table next to San, an obvious invitation for him to drink more through the night if he wanted to. He waited for San to take a sip, humming as the warmth spread down through his chest, the taste smooth and dark and spicy, absolutely, breathtakingly delicious.

"It's amazing, thank you," San said to the man, who nodded with a small bow, then grabbed his platter and placed it underneath his arm.

"Are you ready for your first course, or would you like some more time to enjoy your drinks?" he asked.

"We're ready, thank you," San nodded at him, before the man turned and disappeared, just as fast as the first time.

"Give it a sip," San nodded towards you, his eyes falling to the tumbler of whiskey in front of you. You tentatively reached towards it, wrapping your hand around the thick glass; it was heavy and hard to lift, the weight of it surprising you, and as you brought the whiskey towards your face you stopped under your nose, taking in a whiff. The strong, spicy aroma hit your sinuses immediately and made you slightly recoil; when you looked over to San he was watching you intently, clearly waiting for you to do as he'd said. Carefully you tipped the glass towards your lips, taking in the smallest of sips. You swallowed quickly, trying not to grimace too obnoxiously, the sharp flavor almost making you want to gag.

"How is it?" he asked.

"I hate it," you said, the aftertaste now hitting you, another turn of your head and grimace following.

"I know," he said, sighing and looking around, taking the glass into his right hand and pulling it away from you. "I know this isn't you, I'm not asking you to love it," he said slowly. "I'm just asking you to try."

"Try what?" you asked, eyeing your glass that now sat right next to his.

"Try to actually have a good time with me when I'm taking you out," he said.

"I'm having a good time," you mumbled, your eyes hitting the table.

"Baby, you look miserable," he huffed, looking you over again.

"I'm just cold," you sighed, your legs shivering beneath the table, San's jacket helping but not completely making up for the bareness of the rest of your body.

"I could ask them to turn down the AC," he said.

"Oh god, don't do that, I don't want to seem even more insane," you replied.

"Baby," San groaned, tipping his head back with a groan.

"I know, sorry, I'll stop complaining," you sighed, wrapping your hands around one of his and scooting into his side. "Thank you for taking me here tonight, I'm sorry I'm being a bitch," you whispered, eyes fluttering up to meet his, a look full of apologies gracing your face.

It shouldn't have been that easy to win him over, but it always was; the big eyes of the girl he loved looking up at him would always make him fold. He knew, by then, how he felt about you, and he was pretty sure that with time you'd feel the same. This night was a bit of a test, if he was honest; an opportunity to see how you were on an actual date, if you could relish spending the night with him in this way, not in the way you two usually did. He needed to see it before he popped a bigger question to you, one he sincerely hoped you'd say yes to, one that would tell him so much more than this evening could.

Moments later the first course, cheese fondue, hit the table. A pack of four servers arrived, one with the boiling pot itself, placing it carefully a the center of the table and warning you of the heat, the others all carrying dippers and side dishes, the options endless. There was a plate with three different types of interesting looking bread; countless others were filled with what looked like sliced apples and pears, roasted Brussel sprouts and cauliflower, other vegetables and fruits you couldn't be sure of, and an assortment of beautifully plated salamis.

I guess I was wrong, you thought as you dug in, mouth salivating from the moment the pot of cheese had hit the table. Enjoy the evening, that was what everyone told you to do, what San was practically begging you to do, so you did. It was easy when everything tasted so good and you barely had to talk; it occurred to you how strange it was that dinners were common first date activities, when so much of the time was taken up with food in your mouth and no chance to get to know the other person.

The second course was the meat course; a large red pot full of boiling oil was placed where the cheese had been, a live flame underneath it that could be adjusted with a small lever, San immediately reaching forward to see how it worked. On the table sat a beautiful piece of meat; 'filet mignon' one of the servers had said, making your eyes go a bit wide. San showed you how to cut it into the perfect sized pieces, skewer it, then place it in the oil and wait patiently as it cooked to perfection. The assortment of sauces was monumental, ranging from curries to peanut-based concoctions to sweet chutneys. There was no ketchup or barbecue sauce here; each one was more delicious than the next, surely full of ingredients that you wouldn't recognize by name.

"You having fun?" San asked as you chewed your final piece of steak, covered in your favorite of the sauces, the yellow curry.

"Mmhm," you responded while chewing, smiling up in his direction with your closed lips.

"Good, cause I have something to tell you," he said, taking back another short swig of his whiskey, still nursing the first glass that had been poured for him nearly an hour ago. His cheeks were already getting a bit pink; the alcohol was lubricating his thoughts, and though you'd known him for almost half a year by that point, it was the first time you'd seen him drunk since that first night you'd met, all those months ago.

"Hmm?" you responded, finally swallowing your bite and taking a sip of your water.

"Quiero escapar contigo," he said, a playful smirk gracing his lips.

"Quiero, you want, you want to escape...?" you wracked your brain, trying desperately to remember the little Spanish you knew. "You want to escape with me?"

"Si, podemos escapar, solo los dos," he pointed between the two of you, his eyes suddenly looking a little more obviously drunk.

"Podemos?" you asked, not recognizing the verb.

"We can," he answered you.

"You want to escape with me, we can escape, uh, just us two?" you asked, laughing at how hard you were having to work at it. "How the fuck do you already know more Spanish than me, this isn't fair," you pouted, making him laugh.

"Diego has been teaching me some stuff," he said, smiling. "Diego's the guy who works at the front desk in my building, he usually works the evening shift," he said, answering your look of confusion. "I've been teaching him bits of Korean too."

"Oh yeah, sorry," you replied, knowing he'd told you that before. "Didn't you say he already speaks like four languages?"

"I think so," he replied.

"Y'all are too much," you laughed, shaking your head.

"So, do you want to escape with me?" he said again, eyeing you seriously.

"What are you saying?" you laughed.

"Want to escape the heat with me?"

"I'm definitely tired of it," you nodded, the hottest month of summer still not quite upon you, every soul in the city dreading the coming 100 degree days.

"My office is going on a trip to Red Tree Valley, and we're each allowed to bring one plus one," he said.

"Read Tree Valley?" you asked.

"It's up north. Wine country, vineyards. It's beautiful."

"You're gonna be drunk as hell in wine country," you laughed.

"I'm drunk as hell right now," he chuckled, his hot breath smelling of nothing but the sharp whiskey he'd just finished, the single glass making his face and neck now flush a soft crimson.

"Do you wanna take me to wine country so you can drunkenly ask me to be your girlfriend?" you laughed, feeling like maybe that one sip of whiskey earlier had started to affect you too, even though there was no way so little alcohol could have any real affect. "So I'll drunkenly say yes?" you laughed again, head tipping back as you enjoyed your own joke a little too much.

San's face was frozen and his eyes staring off when you looked back at him again, the last thing you expected. "What?" you asked, still chuckling but trying to keep it at bay, worried that your noise level was the reason he was looking so uncomfortable.

It was really because you'd just read his mind, but there was no way he'd be telling you that now, not with the way you'd so obnoxiously just laughed at the idea of him asking that question.

"You know I can't really drink though, like I wouldn't be able to go to a bunch of wine tastings or anything like that, I'd get so sick," you continued. "I wouldn't be expected to like accompany you to every thing you were going to right? I'm assuming there's like a whole itinerary for the trip, but-"

"There's no itinerary," San cut you off with a sigh, turning his serious face back towards you. "We'd have complete freedom of what we did those days, we'd be staying in a little cottage all to ourselves."

"Wow," you responded, letting it all sink in a bit. "When is this? And how long is the trip?"

"It's in three weeks," he started, making your eyes go wide. "And it's a four day weekend trip, a Thursday through Sunday."

"I'd have to take the week off work," you said, looking at him deeply, easily finding every reason why you should say no.

"When's the last time you did that?" he asked as your final course arrived, your own decadent chocolate fondue tower placed in the middle of your table, fruits and pastries filling the rest of the space.

After swallowing a bite of a strawberry you turned to him. "If I say no, who will you take?" you asked, licking a bit of chocolate from the corner of your lips, San's gaze locked on the movement.

"No one," he said, making your heart fill with the warmth you wanted, letting go a sigh of relief. A beat passed as you both locked eyes, your chocolate stained tongue visible to him as your mouth hung open in satisfaction. It was moments like these that made him sure you were on the road to loving him too; you liked when he told you romantic things, and you liked that things with him were exclusive, even if you weren't officially together. He could tell you were about to crack, to give in to his desire, and his breathing turned deep as he kept staring at your mouth, his gaze making something within you shudder.

"I'll go with you," you smiled, body giddy, your legs subconsciously squeezing together under the table.

"Yeah?" he asked, a hand coming to your thigh and squeezing it, his body leaning in.

"Quiero escapar contigo, también," you whispered, his lips brushing yours for a soft moment. The kiss was brief, the only sort of kiss appropriate for public; later that night he'd given you a piece of his mind, whispering all number of Spanish phrases in your ear as he leaned over your back, your body slack against his bed as he drilled into you.

With frenzied work on the play, and the chaos that work could be in late summer, the weeks flew by, your mind not registering just how fast until you were one day from your trip and hadn't packed a thing.

The late summer, just like the winter, would draw people indoors who were trying to escape the weather; often a loitering group could be spotted inside the front doors, their eyes wandering and brows sweaty, clearly not having planned on coming in. It always created a sense of urgency, of disorder; the summer heat always did, and with three new hires and a totally new roster of performances on the schedule, you left work most days completely drained and zoned out.

It was the first Wednesday you hadn't worked in a long time, that was why you suddenly remembered; you'd woken to a text from Tina wishing you good luck with packing, suddenly remembering that tomorrow you'd be leaving with San, needing to have enough clothing with you to actually make it through four days. You were pretty sure there were no stores nearby, no where to grab pads or toothpaste if you suddenly realized you hadn't packed them.

1:07pm: What time do I need to be ready tomorrow?

You sent off the text with haste, scrambling to comb through your closet and find your large duffel bag. There was no time to waste, not when you were sure it was less than twenty-four hours until you'd be leaving, and you hadn't packed even a bit.

1:09pm: The car will stop at my place at 7:45, should be to yours no later than 8

You gaped at his response, suddenly realizing you never asked this before. His next text came through a minute later.

1:10pm: I know it's early for you, you can sleep on the drive. It's about three hours away

Three hours, you really were going far. The highway that snaked north of your city was one you'd never really taken, as out past the hot springs there was nothing for miles, just the harsh open desert and occasional dirt road turn offs. You'd never heard of this place San was taking you, and were sure it must be small and privately owned; you would definitely be feeling uncomfortable again, but you couldn't deny that the night at the Melting Pot had been fun, the experience memorable, your urge to gush about it to Tina overwhelming.

You'd stopped yourself, to save her the irritation, and so she wouldn't possibly ask you questions you weren't ready to answer. You mentioned the trip off-hand and she'd been less shocked than you'd expected; maybe she was more used to this than you already, somehow. She kept repeating, what a perfect arrangement you two have. But you had strong suspicions that San was tired of not being official, and that this trip was his chance to try to change that. Your joke at dinner had been a joke, but also a test; frankly the whole trip was a test, and not just for you, for San too. You were ready to see if your casual thing could extend this far, into trips taken together, dates, nights spent in the same bed. And he was ready to know if finally you were seeing the light, finally seeing what was staring you in the face for six whole months.

As predicted, you couldn't keep yourself awake during the drive, no matter how hard you tried. The desert highway was so flat and quiet that it lulled you away; you were woken once you'd arrived, a bit of drool from you mouth staining the shoulder of San's white t-shirt, his outfit casual but still extremely clean cut. You were dropped in front of your cottage; a one story adobe house with a flat roof, wood decorating every corner, the front door carved in the shape of a giant feather. Inside the air was cool, though no sound indicated an AC unit; there was a tiny front closet, two robes and two sets of slippers inside, a large bed perched in the corner, many colorful rugs adorning the hard wood floor, and a small kitchenette to your right. Down a small hallway was the bathroom; a stone tub sat in the corner, several spigots placed along the wall.

"This is connected to the hot spring, so we can fill the tub with hot water whenever we want," San said, seeing your eyes curiously moving over everything, your mind still a bit fuzzy with sleep.

"That's really nice, wow," you yawned, reaching over to hug him and shove your face in his chest. You wanted to sleep more, and thankfully he allowed it; a short nap was taken by the two of you, cuddled up on the small but luscious bed, San's warm body and even breaths making all sense of time leave you as you drifted off again.

The whole trip, time flied; with him it had always been that way, any moment together feeling like it both extended beyond words and was too short for your liking. But you'd never spent multiple days in a row with him like this, and out in the valley, hikes and meals and evening soaks in the stone tub, life felt completely unreal. It was as if you'd stepped out of your reality into another one, as if you left your real self on pause as you snuck away to indulge. You slept better than you ever had, nearly on San's schedule; you felt light and airy and full of energy on your long walks, felt no sense of anxiety or worry, none of the slight darkness that always followed you.

You'd always thought of it as the way an artist's brain works; mulling things over, obsessing, worrying, analyzing constantly, every aspect of your life and other's dissected to shreds. But suddenly you felt like you were really living, being present, being in the moment, able to take a deep breath and feel it fully exit your lungs before your brain jumped to the next thing.

It was Sunday morning, before you realized; you woke early with San as you had been, walking to the one restaurant on site to have your breakfast. You sat at the table you had been the whole trip, by a window that faced the lush side of the valley; you stared out and watched the long grass blowing in the breeze, mesmerized by how vibrant it was. You'd never seen vegetation like this in your life, and it was hard to take your eyes away.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," San said once you ordered, and you nodded in response, barely tearing your eyes away from the window. About another minute passed before the voice spoke.

"Hi, sorry to bother," a soft woman's voice said behind you, and you whipped your head around, met with the small round face of a short Korean woman.

"Oh, hi," you said, smiling awkwardly. No one had approached you two all trip; in fact you couldn't be sure who here was a part of San's company, and who happened to be random couples visiting at the same time. There were cottages littered throughout the property, you couldn't be sure how many; also, it seemed some people came to visit for just the day.

"I'm San's boss's wife, Eunchae," she said.

"Oh, hi, I'm y/n," you responded, reaching out a hand to shake hers. Then you suddenly felt awkward, wondering if your greeting was correct.

"Again, I hope I'm not bothering, me and my husband just couldn't help noticing how sweet you two are together, are you San's girlfriend?" she asked.

"Oh, that's really sweet, but no, we're just friends," you smiled back, your throat feeling like it was closing a bit on you.

"Oh I see, well-" She was cut off by San's return, him pulling out his chair, the wooden legs scraping against the floor.

"Oh- anyeonghaseo," she said, bowing slightly to him.

"Anyeonghaseo," he said back, bowing too, before the two launched into a brief conversation in Korean that you caught none of.

"Telling everyone our business, are you?" he laughed once she'd left, your food arriving a moment later.

"She literally came over and asked if I was your girlfriend," you responded through a full mouth, your hand covering it.

"Boss keeps asking me when I'm getting married," he laughed, shaking his head.

"Married?" you replied, shocked.

"You know how adults are," he sighed.

"My boss has never asked me that," you chuckled.

"Your boss doesn't know your parents, does she?" he asked, finally digging in himself.

"Before we pack, I have a present for you," San said as the two of you walked back through the door to your cottage.

"You waited all trip to give it to me?" you asked, your eyebrows high with excitement, sitting yourself in front of him on the bed.

"Yes, it's very special," he said, eyeing you with mock seriousness, making you giggle. He squatted down to his suitcase and zipped it open, reaching under a pile of shirts to find the box. "I know you said yours died a couple weeks ago so I wanted to get you a nice new one," he said, rising.

"Okay?" you responded, head tilting to the side in confusion. It took you as long to put two and two together as it did for him to reveal the box to you; a stunning and sleek black wand, to replace your trusty vibrator that had just died on you after years of use.

"Oh my god, San," you gasped, reached forward to grab it from him, your body immediately feeling tingly and hot. "This must have been..." you trialed off before you could finish your sentence, knowing he wouldn't want you to complain about the price. It was at once a thoughtful and utterly sexy gift, and you just kept staring up at him with your mouth agape and eyes wide, making him chuckle.

"Do you like it?' he asked, arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at you.

"Of course," you sighed, finally reaching to pull it fully out of the box, to feel the silicon head and sleek metal body in your hands.

"It looked nice, I hope it's as good as your last one," he said, smirking.

"Of course it is San, I know you know that, stop playing," you laughed, reaching out to playfully smack at his side.

In an instant his lips were on yours, his hands caging in your face, pulling you close. The whole weekend had been like this; any moment you two were alone in the privacy of your cottage his hands were on you, stolen kisses and heavy breaths filling the air, even as you got ready for your next activity. There was such electricity between you that by the time night fell, your bodies slack from your hot soak, you were animals, ravishing each other until your muscles could take no more. It felt good, felt the way you'd always hoped you could feel with someone; to have it with him, without all the extra baggage of a real relationship, felt too good to be true.

Your hands still gripped your new toy as San opened his mouth to deepen your kiss, pulling a moan from the depths of your throat as he sunk his teeth into your bottom lip. Your mouth opened even further, and he crashed his lips on yours, nearly knocking you onto your back as he loomed over you ever closer. You moved to reach up to him, moved to pull on his broad shoulders and feel his muscles clenching under-

His phone on the wooden side table started buzzing, making you both jump.

"Fuck, it's my mom," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. His breaths were still heavy, his face a bit flush and lips slightly swollen. "I should answer it," he said, grimacing.

After steadying his breath he clicked answer, and immediately her voice came soaring through the phone, faster than he could put it to his ear.

"Sannie!" you heard her cry, and immediately your mouth fell open, your heart melting at the nickname.

His muscled arms and furrowed brow stared down at you as you mouthed, 'Sannie?' He just rolled his eyes and shook his head, holding a finger over his lips to shush you. It was hard staying silent as you took in the cute nickname, so juxtaposed with his looks, so unexpected. But the more you said it in your head, the more you mouthed the words, the more perfect it seemed for him.

You'd expected a short conversation, and so had San, but pretty quickly you realized she must be sharing some shocking or exciting news, as his tone of voice and mannerisms were not calm in the slightest. You sat inspecting your toy more, running your hands along the body, mouthing his nickname even more. Then you sat cross-legged and just stared at him, watched him pace slowly back and forth in the small room, listening for long periods before giving his two cents.

Bored, that's how you were suddenly feeling, and frustrated that the attention wasn't on you, if you were honest. You were sure more than ten minutes had passed, probably more like fifteen or twenty. And your wet panties were making you feel needy and uncomfortable; you had to get them off. Suddenly you stood and stripped, making San's eyebrows shoot up, before walking to the plug in the wall by the bed, connecting your new wand to it. You sat yourself back on the pillows, inspecting the on button to make sure you knew where to press. Then you placed the head in between your legs and pressed hard; you weren't prepared in the slightest for how it would feel.

It was a powerful one, on account of the cord; much more powerful than your last vibrator, and this was only the lowest setting, you were pretty sure. You nearly yelped with shock, the feeling almost painful with how stimulating it was. You jerked it away from your core, breath caught in your throat and your face completely shocked.

"Holy fuck," you whispered to San, who was staring hard and trying harder not to laugh, covering his mouth with his hand on instinct, even though his Mom couldn't see him. You saw him take a deep breath, spinning around so he wasn't looking at you anymore; within a minute he was ending the call, shoving his phone in his pocket and turning around to look at you.

"That thing is strong as hell," you said, still naked and spread wide open. He could see everything, see the wet spot in the panties you'd thrown not he ground, see your cunt glistening for him.

"I think you put it on the highest setting," he said, immediately ripping off his shirt and throwing it on the ground, crawling on the bed towards you. "Look, here," he said, showing you the buttons. "This side is for the high settings, this side is the low."

"I thought it was the opposite," you laughed, a twinge of embarrassment hitting your cheeks and making them redden.

"I thought you knew your way around vibrators," he chuckled, leaning in to kiss you.

"Shut the fuck up," you said as he closed the distance, opening your mouth for him to dive in, to pick up where you'd both let off. "Sannie," you added when he pulled away, making his head drop for a moment, his dimples popping as he smiled.

"I think that calls for punishment," he sighed, sitting himself up on his knees and caging you in, holding your wrists in his hand. "Hmm?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

But you couldn't answer him, all you could do was stare up with wide pleading eyes as your heart started racing, hoping beyond belief that he'd follow through with this.

You'd discussed it only briefly, saying you were open to trying it. You'd never edged yourself, much less been edged by someone in control of you; you weren't prepared for how frustrating it would feel, how far you'd drop into your head and how much you'd completely forget that anything else existed. He had the perfect tool at his disposal, and was pretty sure he could read your body well enough; of course he could, plus you wouldn't come for anything unless he told you you could, loving the feeling of being putty in his hands. After three lost orgasms you were tearily begging him to finally let you have one, and he relented, his own arousal making his cock so hard it was nearly throbbing in pain.

"Fuck, Sannie, fuck," you moaned, as you held onto his wrists, grinding your cunt against the soft head of the vibrator. The nickname fell off your tongue without a thought; even he didn't notice it, too enthralled in the scene in front of him, in watching you soak the head of the vibrator as you nearly came undone.

"You did so good for me baby, you can take this one," he said, and your eyes welled with tears, more from the sweetness than anything else.

"Fuck, oh my god, oh my god," you were nearly screaming, your climax finally hitting, the most intense clitoral orgasm of your life ripping though you like wildfire. Your legs shook violently on the bed as you rode it out, pushing your knees impossibly wider, chasing all the pleasure it had to give you.

"Our neighbors over there probably heard you," San chuckled as you came down, motioning his head out your window to the closest cottage.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," you cringed, biting your bottom lip between your teeth to stifle a laugh.

"No no, let them hear how good I fuck you," he said with a smirk, pushing away the toy to fully envelop you in a kiss, his mouth moving to your neck and hands grabbing at your chest, rubbing your nipples in his hands.

"Fuck, San," you sighed, still coming down from your high, your legs trembling under him. "My legs won't stop shaking," you laughed, holding onto the back of his hair as he moved his mouth down to your left nipple, rolling his tongue around it for a moment before sucking on it hard.

"You okay?" he chuckled as he lifted himself up again, slowly unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them, standing briefly to slip them and his boxers down and off. He was rock hard, cock already glistening at the tip, and your eyes fell to his length shamelessly, your tongue running over your lips. "Can you handle more?"

"I think so," you said quietly, your arms opening to him as he fell back on top of you, kissing you messily and tickling your side, making you scream and squirm.

"Hey!" you cried under him, laughing hard with a bright smile, turning your head to the side for a second as San continued to bury his mouth in your neck.

"Here, come here," he said as he relented, pulling back a bit and readjusting your legs, putting one knee over each of his shoulders. "I'll hold your legs like this so they won't shake," he said, using his left hadn't to guide his cock through your soaked cunt, then pushing in slowly.

A low moan fell from your lips, your eyes closing as you felt him stretch you, then bottom out. No matter how many times he'd been inside you he still felt so big; not quite as shocking as that very first night, but still he stretched you, still it sometimes felt hard to take, especially in certain positions. He waited until your eyebrows unfurrowed, until your breath evened out again, to start moving.

"Did you like what we did earlier?" he asked as he lazily stroked in and out of you, holding onto your thighs slung over his shoulders, leaning down so your faces were about a foot apart.

"Yes," you whispered between moans, eyes opening and shutting with every stroke, the feeling electric.

"You like this?" he asked.

"Yes, s-so much," you sighed, clenching down on him, the angle making your cunt almost numb with pleasure.

"Fuck, baby, do that again," he groaned above you, and you obliged, clenching down as he thrusted in, making his breath hitch. "Fuck I love your cunt so much," he moaned, making you clench again involuntarily at the use of the lewd word. "Your body is so fucking perfect, like it was made for me," he whispered as he closed the distance, your legs folded completely over you as he kissed you passionately, the angle now so deep you could feel him in your guts.

You were used to dirty talk from him, but this was so much more reverent than usual; as you both came your guts twisted in knots with all the pleasure you were feeling, body so spent you could barely walk. The rest of the day it was like you couldn't leave his side, as if breaking contact would lead to your sudden death; something in that moment, in those words, had latched you to him. The whole trip felt like a fever dream, felt unreal; you wouldn't realize how attached it'd made you until months later, when a challenging month would put everything in perspective in a way you wished you could have seen coming.

Present

There's nothing like catching the flu as an adult to remind you how fragile you are. Nothing like laying awake at three a.m. unsure if you'll survive the night to change your perspective.

It had been a very long time since you'd been sick like this; never had you taken two full weeks off of work, unable to walk much for the first week, spending every waking moment of the next nursing yourself back to health.

Every day began to bleed into the next, the way nothing was happening; you swore days were repeating themselves, felt like you were going slightly insane. The only break from the monotony was San, or Tina and Maya visiting, or your roommates occasionally knocking on your door to check that you were alive. Your head hurt so badly you couldn't look at your phone or computer; your body hurt so badly you didn't want to move at all.

It meant you spent the time thinking, thinking about things you'd shoved so far back in your mind you thought you'd never see them again. You thought of your family, thought of the images of your twin Micah caring for your dad that one summer so long ago, the first time his health took a severe nose-dive. Those images burned the back of your eyelids as they played through your head, making your brain feel fiery. You thought of the last year, of everything you and Tina had worked towards; you thought of the bar, of your wonderful coworkers, your beautiful friends that made life more fun than you ever thought it could be.

And you thought of San. You weren't sure why thinking of him, of everything, was what made you cry. He'd been with you almost every night you'd been sick, bringing you soup and tea, waking up in the middle of the night when you did and grabbing you more medicine on instinct. He held you close as you cried through your pain, comforting you until you finally, finally fell back into slumber.

The last year with him played through your head, and as long as it did, the tears kept flowing. A string of kindness from him, that was really all you could remember; you knew you'd been cruel, knew you'd kept him further than arm's length for so damn long. Yet here he still was, helping to take care of you, his warm body against yours the only reason you were getting decent sleep at night. During the day you were still feverish, exhausted, and in need of rest; but the sleep never came until he leaned down beside you, his work day behind him, placing gentle kisses on your cheeks and feeling over your forehead and neck to see just how feverish you were.

You vowed to be better. Not just to San, but to your family, to your friends, to everyone in your life who made it so good. Your life was not perfect, not the sort of thing anyone would dream of; only if that person was like you, too obsessed with their art to pursue any kind of normalcy, would they desire this strangeness. But you loved it, loved it all the more as you lay sick in bed, missing the strength of your legs as you twirled around the stage, missing the simple act of running your fingers over your keyboard, your mind clear enough to spew forth the stories always running through your thoughts.

"If you feel better by Valentine's Day, can I take you out that night for dinner? It's next Sunday," San asked you one evening as you lay slack and shivering against him.

"I'd love that," you replied, looking up at him with your red, watery eyes. Laying on your side with your head on his chest was a welcome change from your back, but the position was making your lungs squeeze a bit in a way you really hated.

"I was thinking we could go to the Melting Pot again, it's almost been a year since we went that one time," he said.

"I'll really have to be better if we go there," you laughed, coughing immediately afterwards.

"I know, we'll only go if you're not coughing anymore," he said, rubbing his hand comfortingly down your back.

As the week before Valentine's Day rolled on you were less and less sure of the plan; by that Thursday you were still a coughing, miserable mess. At least the fever had gone, for several days now, but the idea of getting dressed up to go out, especially to an extremely fancy restaurant, sounded positively awful. By some miracle though, Saturday morning you woke feeling much better. You were able to stand on your own, make your own breakfast; you even managed to sit up for a while and do some writing, before vegging the rest of the day away watching reality TV and eating anything you could find.

Sunday morning you felt even better; you'd shooed San home the previous day, told him he no longer needed to stay. He'd been a bit ragged with taking care of you for so long, and though you were thankful and wished he could be there forever to help you out, you knew he needed space and rest too. You slept like a rock though, finally feeling well due to the absence of your cough; you woke feeling far more refreshed, far more happy than you had in two long weeks.

The break from pain had you savoring everything; it wasn't until after your delicious breakfast that you saw the message from Millie.

My Kid Genius!

Oh how excited I am to be sending you this email! I ran into Mark Smith, owner of the Willow Theater at a dinner event last night, and spoke to him about your musical. He introduced me to one of the directors he works with often, and the guy immediately loved the whole premise. I showed him an excerpt from the opening song and he immediately said he wants it. He was super excited, he sent over paperwork this morning to have me sign (and there is some for you and Tina to sign as well, it is attached). The choice is yours now, whether you want them to be the ones to take you on!

How immensely proud I am! I hope you are as excited by this news as I am!

Talk to you soon,

Millie

It took you less than a second to dial her.

"Tina!" you screamed once you heard the line go live, cutting in so fast she couldn't even say hello.

"Oh my god, what?" she asked groggily, clearly having just woken up, the first morning after her work week.

"The Willow Theater wants our play!! Millie just emailed me!!" you cried.

"Wait, seriously?" she asked, yawning quickly.

"Yes seriously, wake up!" you laughed, jumping up and down in place, pacing your room frantically.

"I was up late last night, I'm fucking dead," she laughed back, sighing.

"Okay, well, yes seriously our musical is being picked up by this theater, and there's stuff we have to sign, it's a whole big thing, can we go out tonight and celebrate?" you rambled.

"Of course, of course," she replied, yawning again.

"How about Roberto's?" you asked, naming your favorite Taqueria.

"You're a cheap date, love," she joked with you.

"Come on, tacos and margaritas, what's a better way to celebrate?" you laughed.

"It'll be just tacos for you, you lightweight," she replied.

"I'll have a few sips, get real fucked up," you joked.

"Sounds good, text me later. I need more sleep," she yawned before hanging up, her brain drifting back into slumber as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Only a few minutes later your phone rang again, San's name appearing bright on the screen. A feeling like you had forgotten something important hit you again, but with a sigh you answered, not wanting to make a big deal of it.

"Hello!" you answered brightly, the giddiness you were feeling so obviously present in your tone.

"How are you feeling baby?" he asked, yawning himself.

"Really good, I just got really good news," you said, sitting yourself down on your bed cross-legged.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" he asked.

"Me and Tina's musical is being picked up by one of the really big theaters, it's called the Willow," you said.

"Oh I've heard of it! That's amazing!" he responded, clearly tired but excited by the news.

"Thank you," you smiled, melting into the phone a bit.

"I'm so proud of you, I knew someone was going to want to put it on," he sighed.

"Sannie," you whined, never sure what to do with his praise.

"It sounds like you're feeling better, are you?" he asked.

"Yeah, a lot better- oh! I'm gonna go to Roberto's with Tina tonight, I'm sure Maya will be coming too, do you wanna come with?" you asked excitedly, with all the happiness in the world.

"I thought- you're feeling up to going out?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better," you answered, still happy as can be.

"I thought I was gonna take you out if you were feeling better," he said, and you were silent for a moment, confused. "It's Valentine's Day today," he said, knowing that you must be forgetting the date.

"Oh- oh my god I totally forgot," you nearly whispered, suddenly feeling slightly sick.

"I thought you maybe had," he said, sighing.

"Don't say it like that, I've been sick, I've been- this news was so surprising I just- this is all I've ever wanted Sannie, and the fact that I'm doing it with Tina is so amazing, and we really need to sign some paperwork tonight, that's honestly why I want to get together with her so we can do it in person and-" you cut yourself off with a deep breath. "We can go out to a fancy dinner any night, I just really wanna celebrate with my friend today," you sighed.

"I get it," he replied, so short.

"I get that you're pissed at me-"

"I'm not pissed, just surprised," he said, cutting you off.

"That's not true, you're pissed," you replied, and you both were just quiet, the truth of your statement lingering in the air. "Do you wanna come with us?" you finally asked, just to break the silence.

"Sure, yeah," he said, sighing hard.

"You don't have to-"

"Yes, I wanna come celebrate with you, this is a big deal," he said, asking you for the address of the place, promising he'd meet you all there at seven.

It should have been a nerve-wracking night, the first time the four of you were out like this together. Tina and Maya had met him in passing several times by then, but never had you been on what was basically a double-date; you two sat opposite them, you all crammed into the tiny wooden booths with yellow painted tables, the paint chipping at every edge, exposing the cheap wood beneath.

"Hey, that girl who rejected you still works here," Maya joked as she walked to the table with your drinks, reminding you of a hilarious day more than two years ago, the first time you tried your luck at flirting with someone who you barely knew. It'd been a dare too, just to add to the ridiculousness; you failed remarkably, and ever since that day your friends had never let it go, the look of pure embarrassment on your face still etched in their memories.

"Oh my god, seriously?" you laughed as she scooted into the booth, wrapping her arm around Tina and pulling her into a quick kiss, the two cuddling up against each other as they started sipping their margaritas.

"Did anyone tell you about the new line cook at work?" Tina asked you, head still rested against Maya's shoulder.

"No, how new is he?" you asked.

"Like two weeks ago he started I think, I guess right after you were sick. Right when I went back," she said. "Apparently he's one of Ilya's ex's, and there's been so much drama since the day he started. I think Julie's gonna fire him, it's a big mess."

"She better, I know she hates to do it but it's necessary sometimes," you sighed, sniffling hard as some mucus fell down your nose.

"You know how she is," Tina sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

"But he's Ilya's ex, like that's just a recipe for disaster," you said.

"I don't think Julie knows that part," she replied.

"Oh, shit," you sighed, raising your eyebrows. The two of you fell into easy conversation, Maya piping up here and there; it was how things always were with the three of you, Maya always comfortable to take a backseat in the conversation as the two of you blabbed about anything and everything. It helped that she was quite introverted, but she also just had this understanding; you and Tina were attached at the hip, you saw each other as soulmates in a way. Though you weren't romantically involved, your dynamic was something precious and holy, something you valued more than almost anything; you sometimes got so distracted talking to each other that if other people were around, you forgot them.

It had been so long since anyone had seen this happen and had a problem with it, that you'd nearly forgotten how bad it could be. And you hadn't realized for so long how understanding Maya was, how much grace she gave the two of you in these situations; the evening wore on until San abruptly told you he had to leave, and with only a simple hug and kiss on the cheek he was off, his brow furrowed, his entire body leaking the frustration and stress he was obviously feeling. As he stormed off towards the front door of the restaurant you felt a twinge in your chest; as happy as this evening had been, as good as a few sips of alcohol had you feeling, you couldn't just sit and let him go.

"I'm gonna go follow him, he seems upset," you said to your friends, quickly shuffling out of the booth with your purse in hand, walking as fast as you could without making a scene. They both nodded at you, but you could see something tense behind their eyes; whether it was worry or judgement, you couldn't tell.

"San!" you called behind him, the streets quite desolate, even for a Sunday evening. Though he was almost a full block away you could still easily make him out, not a single human between you. His head twitched a bit at the sound but he didn't look directly, so you broke into a full on run, feeling comfortable to do so given just how empty the street was.

"San!" you called again, closer now, and finally he turned his head. You caught up to him in several seconds, breaking into a fierce coughing fit from the exertion; you held onto his arm as you did, composing yourself with a deep breath, clearing your throat.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You seemed upset, I wanted to see if you were okay," you said, still holding onto him.

"I'm okay," he nodded, but his tone was flat like your's was sometimes, in a way that his rarely was.

"Are you sure?" you asked, looking up at him, but his eyes wouldn't meet yours. "Sannie I'm trying to do the thing that a girlfriend is supposed to do, you know, seeing if you're okay, running after you to get you to talk even if you just walked away all of the sudden..." You sighed as you trailed off, staring off into the empty street, the whole world feeling like it revolved around just the two of you, every nook and cranny made for just you two to exist in.

"I didn't walk off all of the sudden, I stayed for almost two hours," he sighed, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time, sighing again when he saw it.

"But you said goodbye and got up to leave so abruptly," you said.

"I tried to say something earlier, but I couldn't get a word in," he said, finally looking down at you. "You and Tina were just ignoring us two the whole time, you know that right?"

"I- we weren't meaning to, fuck, I know we can be that way sometimes," you sighed, shaking your head. "I- I'm sorry Sannie, I didn't realize I was doing that."

"You should have seen Maya's face, the way she was just looking back and forth between you two. Like she puts up with that shit all the time," he said, curt.

"She's never minded it," you replied, taking your hands off his arms now, recoiling in on yourself at the tone of his voice.

"Well I guess I do," he said, crossing his arms.

"You really stormed off cause of that? Cause you were annoyed at me and Tina for talking so much? We had just-"

"I did not storm off, I excused myself very politely," he nearly snapped, looking up and down the street, obviously checking for potential eavesdroppers.

"Fuck, yes, sorry, you didn't storm off, but you're obviously really fucking upset at me and I'm struggling to believe it's all because of me and Tina doing our thing that we do where we talk in circles and no one can get a word in, listen I'm sorry, we just got such fucking good news! We were excited, we had to discuss a bunch of shit, decide if we even wanted to sign into this contract, it's gonna be a shit ton of work, it'll be cr-"

"Please keep your voice down," he sighed, spotting a man waiting to cross the street at the corner.

"San, why are you so upset?" you asked, your volume lower as he requested, but your tone no less distressed.

"Why am I upset? Because I was thinking I'd get to take you out to a nice dinner tonight, that I'd get to celebrate Valentine's Day with my girlfriend, that we'd have nice whiskey and delicious food and-"

"Oh, are my tastes too cheap for you, is that it?" you snapped.

"I don't give a fuck where we are, I just want to be with you!" he snapped back. "You told me I'd get to take you out tonight, of course I'm fucking upset that it didn't happen!"

"I got huge fucking news this morning, don't you get that?! And who gives a fuck about Valentine's Day, we can go out any day! I wanted to celebrate with my friend who I've been working tirelessly with for almost a fucking year! A year! And it's finally working and we're finally going somewhere and we're actually gonna be seeing our shit up on a stage- fuck, why are you ruining this night for me!? I'm supposed to be celebrating and happy!" you nearly growled, tears forming on your lash line now, your whole body shaking with rage.

"You could have just told me to stay home," he growled back.

"Oh, you didn't actually want to celebrate with us?!" you snapped.

"I didn't want to go out with your friends who are so clearly in love and have them rub their perfect relationship in my face, joking about some girl who works there who you've hit on, how the fuck is that supposed to make me feel?!" he yelled.

"It was a dare San, a stupid fucking dare that Maya gave me one day when we were bored as fuck, and she just wanted to mess with me, and I stupidly went along with it and was totally humiliated by the look of disgust on the girl's face, that shit means nothing!" you cried, your hands coming up to cup your face.

"You obviously care about them much more than you care about me," he sighed, his volume finally lowering.

"My friends?" you asked, staring at him with confusion, and he nodded. "San I've known Tina for like five years now, she's my best friend, she's been with me through so much."

"I've been with you through a lot too," he said, looking away.

"It's different though, with her..." you trailed off, not sure what to say. The pile of tears finally burst from your lash line, falling down your cheeks in a sudden rush. You wiped at them furiously, your legs shaking despite the heat, the alcohol working it's way through you, making the conversation all the worse.

"I wish you cared about me like you care about them," he finally said, breaking the tense silence.

"I do Sannie," you said, but you both could read the wobble in your tone.

"I wish you would be so comfortable with me in public, like they are," he said.

"I've just never been very comfortable with PDA," you sighed. "I wish- I wish you'd understand how strange I am. I feel like you expect me to be like someone or something else, but I don't know what that thing is, and I don't think I could be different even if I knew what you wanted."

"I don't want you to be different," he said slowly, finally taking a step towards you, opening his arms. Your body immediately reacted, slumping into him. "I like you just the way you are, even if you piss me off sometimes."

"I knew you were pissed," you chuckled through a sniffle, bringing a hand up to wipe at your eyes, more tears falling now that he was holding you. They were a mixture of worry and relief, a mishmash of every sort of feeling. As you stood there in the street, the weight of the world felt like it suddenly hit you; you felt dizzy, suddenly nauseous, and you pulled away from San and ducked down into the gutter just in time for the few sips of alcohol to eject themselves from your mouth, a gross blue mess of liquid hitting the stained concrete.

"I hate when we fight," you said through tears as you stood to look at him, his hands coming to brush your hair out of your face, one moving to your forehead on instinct.

"Me too baby, me too," he said through a sigh, pulling you into him and placing a kiss on your forehead.

"We need to stop doing it," you squeaked, more tears flowing, a deep headache beginning to bloom at the nape of your neck.

"I know," he whispered, shushing you; he carried you home on his back, helped you wash up in your sink, before kissing you goodbye, holding you so tight you thought you might pop.

Whiplash, that was what the day had been; you fell asleep exhausted from the rollercoaster, hoping dearly that whatever the next few weeks had in store, none of it would come with the sudden news that your dreams weren't coming true after all.

next part ->

taglist: @pyeongstarr @hwaromi @hi00000234567 @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @starhwa1024

@completelyjae @midnightrebel1028 @pautiny27 @snapcracklen

thank you all as always <3333

[bogleech]

Sent out an update on the Mortasheen kickstarter so check your emails if you backed; the summer window I gave is still on schedule, so books should be available to U.S. backers by the end of august (shipping to other countries will face some unpredictable case by case issues with import/export changes) All backers who ordered a physical copy will however have to reverify their shipping info, whether or not that information has changed, to make absolutely sure I don't accidentally send a book out to someone who's moved. Once they're ready, you'll only get one if you resent your address to the link in the kickstarter update! If you think you're GOING to move by the end of summer, it's fine to wait. If you forget to claim your book entirely I'll still keep them all safe, plus we'll be doing a wider release anyway in the coming year, so I should theoretically always be able to print you a new copy if you need one even years from now.

[cptindanvers]

can't seem to run you out of my mind [you part 3]

summary: distancing yourself from Steve and Nancy was quite possibly the best decision of your life. but, doesn’t distance make the heart grow fonder?

pairing: steve harrington x reader (set end of s2 + s3)

word count: 8.7k!

a/n: it's finally here!! after like . two years of this rotting, untouched from its first very rough draft. well. hope u enjoy! (also, can u tell how much i hate writing the show scenes LOL)

part one / part one [remastered] / part two / masterlist

November came and went in a flash. Attempts at forgetting the month's events and living normally was starting to feel like a dream; always just out of reach.

This time, Steve had gotten wrapped up in everything because of your advice; flowers are the key to a girl's heart, you'd insisted. They also happened to be the key to near-death experiences, apparently.

It was a series of unfortunate events, really.

Jonathan had been spending an awful lot of time with Nancy; you'd be happy for him if it hadn't left Steve with no one but you to call.

Steve had made sure to keep you updated on everything that happened between him and Nancy. You knew he had no bad intentions, but listening to him talk about how much he loved Nancy was agonizing for your poor heart. Steve felt like he owed it to you, considering he'd shown up at your door without warning that Halloween night. You felt like it was the worst form of torture.

And so, he'd innocently walked up to Nancy's house with flowers at the same time Dustin Henderson walked up; his one-way ticket to danger.

The kids had recounted everything you missed out on afterwards, stars in their eyes. A majority of the good comments about Steve came from Dustin, which caught you by surprise. Dustin's defensive tone made you wonder about any information he hadn't relayed.

Hearing about Steve protect the kids you adored made all those nasty, wonderful feelings bubble in your chest. But the same heroic tales led you to the awful realization that underneath it all, you've led Steve down to danger from the very beginning; if Jonathan had answered the door two years ago, Steve would've been blissfully unaware of the Upside Down.

But it was too late to think about how things could've been different; maybe Steve would've gotten involved regardless of you. At the end of the day, both of you had gotten tangled up in another inter-dimensional predicament, pulling the two of you together in ways you'd hoped to avoid.

This new Steve, heroic and selfless, risking his life for teenagers he just met, definitely didn't align with the Steve you once knew.

And you so desperately wanted to learn everything about this new Steve.

The hopefulness made that familiar ache in your chest painfully present and the logical side of you knew you'd have to snap yourself back into reality at some point.

Or rather, Jonathan did.

⁂

Apologies and explanations were exchanged, though the both of you knew you couldn't stay mad at each other for long. A much-needed late night talk revealed the relationship that'd started between Nancy and Jonathan, a bright blush creeping up Jonathan's neck as he summarized what happened.

You'd confided in Jonathan about your very complicated feelings towards Steve, knowing Jonathan was quite possibly the only person in Hawkins who'd understand. He nodded as you spoke, letting you get everything off your chest; and what a relief it was.

"I just don't know what to do," you sighed dejectedly, Jonathan's silence worrying you as you wondered how he'd weigh in.

"He hurt you." Jonathan said factually, as if you had no idea.

"I know."

"I just want you to be careful."

You sighed. "I know," you mumbled quietly as Jonathan pulled you in for a hug.

He was right, as annoying as it was. There was no way you could ever go back to Steve with the way he treated you. Even if he changed, it didn't change what he did.

So, you went back to how you were before; distancing yourself from Steve. It was different this time; you were no longer fighting lingering feelings. You'd acknowledged them, now you'd have to let them pass over you.

⁂

It'd been around 7 months since El closed the gate and saved all your asses, and a week or two since you'd last seen Steve at Hawkins High.

You weren't exactly avoiding Steve - though you did duck your head anytime you saw him in the halls, pretending you were too deep in conversation with a friend to hear him call your name. Maybe you could be friends with him one day, but you needed time without him for a while.

Over half a year had gone by faster than you'd anticipated. Winter became spring which turned into summer, the chilly months fighting a losing battle to the warmer temperatures. The heat became unbearable in June, forcing most Hawkins residents to take shelter in their homes. Those who were brave enough to venture outside frequented the town’s only pool or the new Starcourt Mall with dozens of indoor shops or, perhaps most importantly, air conditioning.

The few weeks out of school had been vital to your journey of protecting your peace; getting to pick and choose who you spent your time with gave you a greater sense of control. You could finally, confidently say you were doing well; great, even. The gaping hole in your chest, kept open by unwanted interactions, had healed.

Steve wasn't on your mind on your third date with someone you'd met at the library a few weeks ago. Steve wasn't on your mind when the two of you entered the brand new Starcourt Mall. Steve wasn't on your mind when your date offered to buy ice cream, until Steve was right in front of you. A few awkward glances were passed as your date paid and took your ice creams, but Steve was no longer on your mind as the two of you walked out, hand in hand.

Things were good; bearable now.

"So..." your date began. "Who was that?"

A part of you pondered why your date wondered who Steve was. You'd made it clear that once summer was over, the two of you would be too.

You shrugged nonchalantly, swiping at your ice cream before answering. "Just an ex."

"Anyone I should be worried about?"

A small - albeit a little annoyed - smile crept onto your face.

"Not at all."

⁂

Jonathan had been a little distant this summer, busy balancing a new relationship and internship at the Hawkins Post. You didn't mind much; you recognized the opportunity he was given, and how lucky he was to share it with Nancy. And, the two of you always made time to catch each other up on the most important details.

Other than occupying yourself with summer flings, you spent time with your annoying kids that you loved dearly.

The kids were dying to visit the mall; and while they had their bikes, they also had a perfectly available chaperone who they knew they could plead into doing essentially anything for them.

It was partially your fault for always giving into the kids, but as mischievous as they were, you loved seeing them happy. Plus, it was summer; they were well deserving of a break after all they 'd been through.

However, they were a lot more resourceful than you'd anticipated.  Somehow, the teens had roped Steve Harrington into their antics. The surprise on your face was evident when the kids led you into Scoops Ahoy, coercing Steve into letting them into the movies for free. You knew what Steve did for them, of course; how could you forget? But you hadn't anticipated the relationship to continue after the monsters were banished.

"Tiny assholes, all of them." Steve had his hands on his hips, looking a lot like an exasperated babysitter.

You laughed in agreement.

You planned on spending the next approximately 2 hours shopping for Dustin; he was coming home in a few weeks, you had yet to find a suitable welcome back gift for him. Those plans were trashed as the kids had circled back around, complaining about how they had to walk all over the mall searching for you. Surprise overcame you once again that day; conversation with Steve had come too easily, too natural. So much that two hours had passed in the blink of an eye.

You rolled your eyes at the kids, threatening to let them walk home before waving a goodbye to Steve, leading the teens out of the mall and into your car like ducklings.

It was adorable.

"What the hell was that about?" A voice from behind Steve demanded.

"Jesus, Robin! I thought you went home."

"No way. I just didn't want to interrupt whatever that was." Robin propped herself up to sit on the ledge connecting the break room and ice cream parlor, suddenly very intrigued in studying Steve's body language.

Steve huffed, crossing his arms. "I don't know what you're talking about." He turned his head, hoping Robin wouldn't spot the red hue creeping up his face.

"Seriously? That was the longest you've talked to a girl all summer. I'd give you a point if you'd at least gotten her number or something!"

Steve ran an exasperated hand through his hair. "Do you seriously not - ? I can't just -"

"What, did you break her heart in high school or something?" Robin laughed a little, only half joking until she saw how Steve's face dropped, suddenly very interested in wiping down the spotless counter.

Robin bit her bottom lip, hating how big her stupid mouth was. Whoever you were, you clearly meant a lot to Steve. Robin hadn't even thought that was possible, though she was realizing that maybe, there was a lot more to Steve than he let people see.

"Well, it seems like she forgave you? I mean, I wouldn't talk to someone I hated for two hours." Robin's voice softened, suddenly feeling the need to reassure Steve. Who would've thought?

"Yeah, I just... it's complicated, okay?"

That would've been the end of it; until you walked back into Scoops Ahoy, completely alone, a few days later.

Maybe it was out of boredom, maybe loneliness. Maybe you realized how embarrassing it was that the majority of your friend group consisted of kids that hadn't officially reached high school yet.

Whatever led you to Scoops didn't matter as you walked in, watching the surprise on Steve's face as you came up to the counter.

"Hey, you" Steve said automatically, wanting to punch himself in the face. "What brings you here?"

You shrugged, not even glancing down at the array of ice cream. "Guess I missed you."

The boldness of your words caught Steve off guard, a minute to recollect himself necessary.

"Sorry?" His voice came out at a higher pitch than usual, lips parted in confusion and eyes big.

"I want to be friends, Steve. I mean, if that's okay -"

"No, yeah! That's - that's more than okay," Steve quickly reassured you, glancing up at the few customers entering the store.

"Tell you what, if you want to sit in the back - I'll just take care of them and take my break?" Steve glanced at you nervously, as if he was asking for your permission; as if the slightest inconvenience would make you change your mind and walk away from him. Steve realized that he really didn't want you to leave.

You entered the back of Scoops Ahoy as instructed, glancing warily at the big, red  EMPLOYEES ONLY. Perhaps the sign was warning you of things you couldn't see just yet; but how could you have known what such a simple action would lead to?

Always too stubborn to heed any warnings, you entered the break room of the parlor, eyes landing on a girl in a Scoops Ahoy uniform; she was sitting at the small metal table in the center of the room, well-loved sneakers propped up in front of her. Her name tag read Robin, and Robin had stopped eating her yogurt mid-bite to stare at you, a knowing smile growing on her face.

"Sorry, I didn't realize anyone was -" Your words faltered as your face warmed; you hadn't even realized Steve had a coworker.

"Oh, it's okay! You're waiting for Steve, right? He talks about you a ton." Robin smiled warmly, getting up from her spot to meet you, face-to-face.

"Really? I -"

"I'm Robin. I don't think we've properly met." Robin stuck her hand out, yogurt long forgotten.

You took Robin's hand gently, introducing yourself with a bright smile. You had a feeling the two of you would get along well.

Just as Robin finished talking about a super annoying customer that complained about her serving too much ice cream - who complains about that, anyway? Steve burst open into the break room, as if you ran away in the few minutes that'd passed from the last time he saw you.

"Hey," Steve breathed out, snatching the stupid sailor hat off his head, eyes glancing from you to Robin back to you.

"I see you've met Robin." Steve motioned to the girl standing next to you, her arm reaching up and over your abdomen.

"Yup," Robin said, squeezing your side as she headed for the door back into the parlor. "You're way out of his league, by the way!" Robin called as she shut the break room door behind her.

The sweet sound of your laughter dissolved the scowl right off Steve's face.

"She's - ignore her." Steve ran a hand through his hair, motioning towards the table.

"She's sweet." You took a seat as Steve slid into a chair across from you. "Seems like a good influence." You teased.

"What? I'm totally the good influence here. She's younger too, so I'm, like, basically her mentor or whatever." Steve smiled, voice tapering off as he glanced at you, unspoken questions lingering in his eyes.

"You know, I didn't realize you were... friends with the kids." You said the word carefully, as if the statement would offend Steve.

"Honestly, I didn't either. Gave Dustin some advice and I guess we bonded." Steve shrugged, smile a little sad as he remembered that day.

"Advice? Really?" You let out a small laugh. There was no bite to your words, yet you brought heat to Steve's face, an embarrassed hand coming up to his neck.

"Yeah, I mean..." Steve was a little apprehensive, but your eager gaze led the next words out of his mouth, almost unconsciously. Steve lowered his voice, as if Dustin could hear him from however many miles away. "Dustin had a crush."

Your reaction was priceless; the way your eyes widened in surprise, hand clapping over your mouth as if Steve had just revealed the most groundbreaking piece of news of your life.

"You know, I always suspected -" You began, recalling the way Dustin had described the new girl in Hawkins.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. You say that now." Steve interrupted, eyes crinkling with that award-winning smile.

"No, I did!" You insisted between bursts of laughter. "I swear!"

"Yeah, I guess you always had that kind of intuition," Steve smiled fondly at the memories he kept of you, stored neatly in a special part of his mind. "Remember when you swore John and... Christ, what was her name?"

"Melissa!" The excitement at such a simple recollection made Steve's heart flutter.

"Melissa," Steve snapped his fingers, pointing back at you. "John and Melissa. They looked at each other once in that class we all had."

"You know they're still together?" You reported, eyes gleaming with memories of your old classmates. A lot of them weren't terrible, for the most part.

"What? I swear they've broken up like, twenty times." Steve's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief, smile reappearing as he watched you laugh softly.

"Guess there's someone for everyone, right?"

Steve took a second too long to reply, watching the way the florescent lights of Scoops Ahoy illuminated the warm glow on your face, cheeks surely sore from all the smiling. Thoughts betrayed him as he glanced down to your lips; he'd kissed them plenty of times before, but he took all good things for granted back then. The corners of Steve's lips turned up at your suggestion of true love and soulmates; ideas that always entertained him, though he never was quite sure how much of it he bought into.

"Yeah," Steve was suddenly very interested in his hands, tracing figures on his palms. "I guess there is."

He prayed to any higher being out there you couldn't see the way his skin turned pink under your gaze.

⁂

Your trips to Scoops Ahoy quickly became routine, easier to settle into than you'd expected, or even planned.

You'd begun being the one who suggested the kids hang out at Starcourt, eventually drawing suspicion with each additional leap at the mention of the mall; it was strange how they no longer had to beg you to drive them there.

Visits to Scoops Ahoy were made during the week, at hours Steve assured you would be slow, anyway. The last thing you wanted was to get in the way of anyone's work. Though Steve was right for the most part, he couldn't fully control the stream of customers at any given time.

Robin always commented on how you might as well get a job at Scoops with how much time you spent there, but you always laughed the comment off.

"Really, I don't know why you choose to be here, especially when Steve Harrington works here." Robin half-joked as the two of you wiped down tables.

"He's not so bad."  You said softly, playing along.

"Sure." Robin teased lightly, smiling growing on her face.

Maybe it would be too much, too serious if you got a job at the same place as Steve. Perhaps you worried of lines you'd cross if that step was taken.

So, you stuck to your little routine of visiting Scoops Ahoy - sometimes with the kids, but mostly alone.

⁂

The bell rings, and Steve turns quickly, throwing the rag he was using to shine the counter over his shoulder. His customer-appropriate smile falters when he sees the guy  - the one you had come in with only a few weeks prior - with another girl.

Steve definitely didn't earn himself a tip with his service, but his annoyance (and perhaps jealousy) had sprung onto him out of nowhere. I mean, how did you even stand going out with the guy? Steve recognized him; he had been on the basketball team with him but had never even made it off the bench.

And although high school shouldn't be consuming so much of Steve's mind post-graduation, he can't help but reminisce as he wipes down the counters for the fourth time; no customers to serve - no distractions to keep him from thinking of you.

His thoughts hadn't initially started with you, but it seemed like you were seeping into every crevice of his brain. When you weren't around, he talked Robin's ear off about you, funny stories you had shared, or pointing out something he remembered you enjoyed. And, really, he wasn't sure he ever stopped being able to think about you.

But all those thoughts, all his memories of you, eventually led him back to the part were he ruined it all.

Maybe something about all the shit he's seen these past two years, the life-threatening situations he found himself in over and over again finally made Steve grow up. There were much more important things than whether the people he associated with were cool enough to be around; no value in things like his reputation. He was sure you'd been the only person, at least back then, to really care about him.

Even then, he was too afraid to let his persona down around you. He was always a gentleman, always suave; but never vulnerable. Not enough, anyway.

The way he acted back then makes Steve want to go back and help Jonathan get a few more punches in, really. And Steve, even after your tenth time visiting Scoops Ahoy, can't wrap his head around the idea that you're here, willing to even talk to him.

So, if friendship is all you have to offer Steve, that's what he'll take.

But it's beginning to eat away at him.

Steve turns his engine off once he pulls into your driveway, but it's as if you can sense he doesn't want you to go quite yet.

There's no tension, not like last time, but Steve's turned toward you and he has that habit of biting his lips when he's nervous and it's making you nervous.

"We never did, um... talk about-"

"Steve, we really don't have to-"

"Why? I mean, I can admit to all of it and I just want to-"

"Well, I don't want to, Steve!" You say exasperatedly. Perhaps it's because the strange form of friendship you have with him now is riding on the fact that you've managed to swallow all your pain and put it far behind you, to associate it with a version of Steve that didn't exist anymore. Maybe it was easier to believe that you had both had been playing pretend with each other, never really together. And, god, was Steve making it difficult for you.

"I care about you," Steve starts once the silence has become unbearable. "I mean, I did before, too, and I was really bad at showing it, but I did love you-" Shit. That's not what Steve had meant to say.

"Steve-"

"I didn't mean..." Steve sighs, tapping his fingers on his steering wheel.

"I don't think you do. Love me." Your voice is so soft, careful. "Maybe you thought you did. Maybe you think you do now. But I think... maybe you're just a little lonely, Steve."

You can't bring yourself to look at him. Not as you open the passenger car door, not as you make a quiet exit, not as you enter your home; leaving him as just as you did two years ago.

Once again, Steve's made all this so complicated.

⁂

You have the decency not to show up to Scoops Ahoy anymore, much to Steve's dismay. He wasn't trying to change anything. He had been more than content with just seeing you semi-regularly; maybe that's why he still searched for your face in the crowd.

But you didn't want Steve to stay in love with you, or stay confused, or whatever it was you thought Steve was feeling. He knew that. He also knew that your actions, however kind, were pointless. A piece of Steve would always be reserved for you.

Isn't that what being in love feels like?

⁂

Your shift in demeanor when the kids bring up Starcourt gives you away quickly.

It's subtle; a furrow of your brow, an avoidance of eye contact, an excuse, and a suggestion of a different place to visit.

Max catches on first, testing her theory with questions, eventually leading the topic back up to Steve.

"You like him, don't you?" Max smiles, thinking she's figured it out. "He obviously likes you, too, so there's nothing to worry about!"

You bite back a tart laugh. That was exactly the problem. "I promise you, I do not like Steve."

"Didn't you guys date before?" Mike pipes up, faintly recalling some type of history between the two of you.

"We did."

"So why'd you break up? Did he do something? I know with Nancy-"

"Mike!" Max scoffs. "Obviously she doesn't want to talk about it!"

"Guys, it's fine," you insist. "But I promise, there's nothing going on between Steve and I."

"Oh-kay," Mike raises his hand in surrender. "But do you really think we'd ever willingly just hang out with Steve Harrington?" Max frowns and smacks Mike's arm. "Ow! What? I'm just saying!"

⁂

"And then I told her I still loved her. But it was an accident!"

"Still love her? As in, did before?"

"We were together for a while junior year. It... didn't end very well."

Robin sits with this information, faintly recalling ignoring hushed whispers about a situation her sophomore year, Steve's name thrown around more than usual.

"Okay, so what'd she say?"

Steve goes quiet, suddenly very intrigued by his half-eaten banana. "That I didn't and I was just lonely."

Robin can at least acknowledge the pain in Steve's voice, no matter how he tries to hide it. "I really don't mean to be a downer, but... you've only been talking regularly for, what, a few weeks? And you just realized you've been in love for who knows how long after a few weeks?"

It doesn't sound rational. Not in Steve's head, or anyone else's. And maybe Steve didn't really know what love was. It wasn't like he'd ever been around a good example of it. Perhaps he was still too young, too deprived of love to recognize it.

But Steve's heart was trying so desperately to convince him otherwise, recalling all the moments you'd made him feel too much too quickly, dating back to sophomore year.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," Steve mutters, throwing the rest of his banana into the trash, his appetite suddenly lost.

⁂

It's been days since Steve last saw you.

It would've been unbearable if Dustin hadn't come home a few days after your last talk with Steve - and really, Steve couldn't be more grateful.

It was strange how much he missed Dustin. It was strange how their friendship continued past demonic dogs together, and even stranger how much normalcy Dustin was able to bring Steve - though there was no way it could've lasted long.

Dustin came in with a secret Russian code begging to be cracked. Of course, after Steve, the second person he wanted to loop in was you. And of course, you came running.

⁂

Your little mission has led you to an elevator - trapped, if you wanted to be completely accurate.

You knew this was a bad idea - but it was better to tag along and try to keep them as safe as possible than to leave them on their own. Right?

There's not much of a bright side, though. No way to push yourself into danger as long as it meant getting everyone else to safety - wherever you were going, you'd all be going together.

The idea didn't comfort you.

"I think you were right." Steve interrupts your useless brainstorming of ways to get out - something the rest of them had given up on a while ago.

"Hmm? About the door?"

"What? No," Steve laughs, arms crossed as he stands in a corner of the elevator, hoping for as much privacy as he could get with three other people. "No, I mean... me. Us. About what you said that day."

"Oh. That." Your chest tightens, and you're unable to distinguish if it's discomfort or hurt. It was confirmation. You were right. Steve had never really loved you.

"That," Steve repeats. "I didn't... I never wanted anything to change. You want to be friends, that's all we'll be. I'm happy with that. Just... I want you to stick around, alright? I mean, it's bad enough I dragged you into this-"

You scoff. "Steve, I'm the one who dragged you into this."

Steve's brows furrow as he gives you a look.

"Two years ago. If I hadn't opened that door..."

"Oh, you mean if you'd shot me?"

Both of you laugh. "I should've shot you! I think you would've been better off." Cause, god did it feel like you were a magnet, dragging Steve towards everything terrible that popped up in Hawkins.

"Nah," Steve shakes his head. "It's all taught me a lot. Made me think about things differently."

You'd almost be grateful for the whirring noise that picked up your attention - if it didn't hammer in the last nail in the we're so screwed coffin.

The sense of dread that sticks in the pit of your stomach doesn't go away, even as you all finally make it out of the elevator; it seems to intensify with each step taken down the abnormally long hallway.

Something wasn't right.

At least you weren't alone. Steve and Dustin slow their paces alongside you as the three of you begin to exchange looks and whispers.

"Look, it's just a theory, right?" Steve chirps. "We don't know for sure."

"Yeah, but if we are right..." Dustin trails off, eyes falling on you as you bite the inside of your cheek.

"Better start praying we're wrong," you mumble, quickening your pace before the three of you lag too far behind.

⁂

Your situation somehow worsens when you stumble upon the main hub, or whatever this place was, dozens of very heavily armed guards standing perfectly in between you and the room you wanted to break in to.

Somehow, slowly and sneakily, the five of you make it; and you would've been home free if it weren't for the soldier in the coms room, hand reaching for his gun before you can even react.

Luckily, Steve's faster. He has the soldier down in a surprising amount of time, considering his odds when it came to fights.

"You can shoot, right?" Dustin says, motioning to the knocked-out solider. "Take his gun!"

You consider it, but only for a few seconds. "No," you shake your head. "There's too many of them out there. If they see us with a gun, they'll shoot. At all of us."

There was no way you were putting everyone in that type of danger. The mood goes solemn with the thought, only snapping out of it when Robin's voice interrupts.

"Guys," she says breathlessly, motioning to the stairs behind her. "There's something up there."

Quietly, everyone makes their way up the stairs to a small room with windows that confirm your suspicions.

Whoever these people are, they're trying to reopen The Gate.

⁂

It's not long after you notice the missing guard that the alarms go off and god, you never should've let the kids get involved.

Your body moves quicker than your brain, breaking into a run while you try to navigate the facility and, simultaneously, lead everyone to somewhere safe.

There's an empty room and you shut the door as soon as the last person enters, immediately leaning yourself against the door to try and keep it shut. Steve's right beside you, bracing himself with his back against the door.

"Go!" Steve shouts and you think he's urging Dustin and Erica down the vent they've uncovered - but you turn your head and realize he's talking to you.

"What? No-"

"Please," Steve pleads, desperately. "Please go."

Robin acts quickly, urging you towards the kids as she places herself against the door. "I've got it," she assures.

Because, even if she hasn't known Steve for long, she knows he'll never forgive her if something Robin could've prevented happened to you.

There's not a lot of time; not as Dustin stands halfway in the vent, not as the soldiers group around the door, trying to force their way in.

So you go.

⁂

Your throat tightens as the space around you constricts drastically, but having to crawl through vents isn't your main concern.

The regret was instant, the urge to turn back strong. But where would that get you? No, where would that get the kids?

Steve had sent you to protect them. Yes, that was it. That was what you had to do now. Focus and get them out.

"Come on," you say, wiping the sweat off your brow as you all come to a fan blocking your passage. "Pass me the screwdriver."

⁂

"Oh, god."

Dustin works on Steve and Robin's restraints hastily as you stare down at the man you'd... electrocuted? killed?

You don't feel bad, not after seeing the damage on Steve's face. His uniform is stained with fresh blood still streaming from the gash near his mouth. His eye is almost swollen shut. Robin, at least, looks physically unscathed, but who knows what they did or said?

"Get ready to run," Dustin warns, finally pulling the restraints loose.

Though, it was a lot less running and a lot more dragging.

⁂

"Are they drunk?"

"No, no," you crouch next to Steve, pressing the back of your hand to his forehead. "I think they got drugged."

"What? I'm fine," Steve laughs, hands reaching for your face.

"Steve, let me see your eyes." You try to hold him still, pulling his eyelid up to check his pupils; his extremely dilated pupils.

"No, I wanna see your- ow- eyes," Steve mumbles.

You turn back to Dustin and Erica. "Definitely drugged."

The elevator comes to a stop and you're dragging Steve up. He almost knocks you over with the way he clings onto you, laughing about something you can't understand. You pull Robin up with your free hand, grip on them strong as you tug them out of the room.

"Shit!" Dustin cries as guards begin to run at you.

"Go, go," You motion towards the room to your left, dragging Steve and Robin along as quickly as you possibly can.

"Why are we running?" Robin groans, trying to worm herself out of your grasp.

Dustin takes the lead, navigating the hallways you're sure Steve has taught him how to sneak through. Thank god for their bribery.

Dustin finds the right door and sticks his head out. "All clear," he announces before opening it fully.

"Okay," you stop for a breath, letting Steve and Robin loose and turning towards Dustin and Erica. "My car's parked out front, we can get out through the side entrance and..." you reach into your back pocket for your keys but come up empty-handed.

Your heart drops.

"What?" Dustin asks, staring at your expression.

"My keys are gone," you say solemnly.

"What do you mean they're gone?"

You check your back pocket again. And your other one, and your front ones. "They're gone. They must've fallen out somewhere, shit!"

"Hey, guys?" Erica calls. "Where'd they go?"

Your head snaps; Erica's right. Robin and Steve are gone.

"We're gonna need backup," Dustin sighs.

⁂

"Okay, my turn," Robin giggles. "What really happened between you and... you know. I mean, I heard rumors but..."

Steve sighs from his stall, leaning his head against the wall.

"I cheated on her. With her best friend."

"Oh, wow. Yeah, it's definitely still in your system."

"Biggest mistake of my entire life. I don't even know why I did it. I guess I was so used to... pretending. I thought... that maybe she didn't actually think our relationship was real. I mean, looking back, I don't think I had any genuine relationships... with anyone, except her. I just... got caught up in all the lies and thought we were one, too."

Robin sits quietly, unsure of how to respond.

"You OD over there?"

She laughs. "No, no, I am still alive."

Steve slides under the stall, leaning back opposite of Robin. "I guess... I never expected her to forgive me, right? She said she did, but... I don't know. I guess I never forgave myself."

"She still cares about you, y'know?" Robin offers. "I mean, it's obvious."

That at least pulls out a laugh from Steve. "Yeah, I don't know. I mean, maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to move on. Meet new people."

Maybe the shit Robin got injected with is still messing with her head - or maybe the sad look in Steve's eyes is killing her. She doesn't know him as well as she thought she did, couldn't chalk up his character to rich, popular, white boy with no problems of his own.

But to do this, to be actual friends with Steve Harrington, there was something he needed to know.

"Do you... remember what I said about Click's class?"

⁂

The walkie-talkie only gets you so far without an extra eight double-a batteries. Seriously, did it really need that many?

You're getting exasperated in your search as you exit the theater and look at the unusually empty Starcourt walkways. That's right. It's the Fourth of July.

"Uh, okay, think," Dustin says. "If I were a drugged-up Steve, where would I be?"

"Maybe they went back to Scoops?" Erica suggests.

"No," you shake your head. "I think I know where they went."

Dustin bursts into the bathroom and you breathe an audible sigh of relief as you spot Steve and Robin in one of the stalls.

"Seriously, what the hell?" Dustin demands.

You stick out your hands immediately, helping Steve and Robin up once again. "Are you guys feeling better?"

"Yup, think we got must of it out of our systems," Steve confirms, suddenly incredibly self-conscious of the blood and vomit staining his uniform. God, he doesn't even want to see what he looks like right now.

But there's nothing but worry in your eyes as you check for any new damage since the last time you saw them. Now, though, in the florescent lights of the Starcourt bathroom, you can really see how Steve's face has been healing.

And by that, you mean it looks even worse.

"It probably looks worse than it is," Steve tries to assure, hands bringing yours that hold his face as you try to inspect it, down.

"Yeah, well, you look like shit," you mutter.

"I really hate to interrupt, but do we have a way out of here?" Robin pipes up.

You sigh. "Dustin tried to call the rest of the kids, but we don't know how much they heard. We have no idea where they are and... my keys are gone! So..."

"We're gonna have to go out there," Dustin says, cracking open the bathroom door.

The rest of you peer over his head, watching as crowds emerge out of the theater.

"And... blend."

⁂

"Abort, abort!"

"Go, go!" For the millionth time, you're rushing everyone along - this time, sliding down the space between the up and down escalators.

"Get behind that counter," you say. "Go!"

You and Steve help Dustin and Erica jump over the counter as each of you press your backs against the nooks made for the employees.

Someone's sneaker squeaks against the linoleum and you hold your breath as you hear a voice, not so far off, saying something you can't understand.

Your eyes fall to your lap, where you realize Steve's hand is clasped around yours. You're not sure who reached for who, but it doesn't matter; you squeeze.

The sound of a car alarm brings surprise to your face as you turn to look at an equally confused Steve. A loud crash has you spinning, hands on the counter as the five of you slowly peer over.

The guards are down, red pools of blood slowly forming under them. The shiny red car once sitting in the middle of the food court sits, smoking, in the side of one of the food stalls.

You all turn slowly, but you only know one person capable of this.

El stands, peering over from the second floor, with the rest of the party, along with Nancy and Jonathan, coming up behind her.

Dustin breaks into a jog to hug Mike and El and you can't deny your pace quickens once you spot Jonathan.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying your house for days," Jonathan says, pulling you into a hug.

"Sorry, I was stuck underneath Starcourt."

He doesn't even have time to ask what the hell you were talking about before you're pulling Nancy into an equally tight embrace.

The game of catch-up commences as you five try to explain how the Russians and the Gate are, in fact, connected until El collapses.

"El? El!"

"My... leg..." El manages out through painful breaths.

"Okay, okay, her leg..."

Nancy moves the gauze on her leg off as Mike carefully rolls up her pant leg, revealing a wound that most certainly does not look right. Something moves inside of it, earning sick groans from the group.

"Keep her talking," Jonathan starts, getting up. "Keep her awake!" He calls sprints off in the direction of the food court, and you help Mike sit El up, carefully.

"You know, it's, uh, not that bad. You know, the goalie on my soccer team, Beth Wildfire, this other girl slid into her leg and, like, the whole bone came out of her knee, six inches or something, it was insane-"

"Robin, please," you say lightly.

"You're not helping," Steve adds.

"I'm sorry." She runs a hand through her hair, clearly overwhelmed. You can't blame her, really. Not after all the informaton about monsters and superpowers you all just dumped on her.

"Okay," Jonathan says, returning with a few new tools. "All right, El? This is gonna hurt like hell, okay? Need you to stay real still."

You grab El's hand and squeeze, lightly.

"Here, you're gonna want to bite down on this, okay?"

Jonathan slices the wound with the knife and El screams through the wooden spoon in her mouth, squeezing your hand hard.

Her screams only intensify and a collective gasp is drawn as Jonathan sticks his gloved fingers into the wound.

The pain becomes unbearable for El, your fingers close to breaking, when she spits out the spoon.

"Stop! I can do it... I can do it."

All of you watch in terror as El screams, forcing whatever was in her leg out.

The shop window behind you shatters and you cover her head from the spray of glass, watching as the slimey, fleshy, thing makes it out of her leg and goes flying, crawling, smashed under a shoe.

There stands Hopper, Joyce, and a man you've never seen before.

Now the real game of catch-up commences.

⁂

"Hey," a voice comes up behind you.

"Hey." You turn to see Steve, face a few different shades now. It's too quiet between the two of you now, the world pushing you together harder in the last twenty-four hours than it ever had before. It might've been awkward if the threat of death wasn't looming over your head so consistently.

But there's no objective right now; no enemy to defeat, no facility to escape. No life-saving topics to discuss to distract from all the feelings you were trying to avoid.

"Why don't you let me clean that up?" You motion to his face; namely, his eye. "I'm sure there's a first aid kit somewhere." At the very least, there had to be ice.

Steve nods, unable to think of something cool and nonchalant to say. Robin catches his eye from a few feet away and shoots him a thumbs up - to which he makes a face at her.

There's a kit by the stove of whatever restaurant's counter Steve sits on, bouncing his knee nervously.

It's not the proximity that bothers him, he swears. But your touch has always been one he leans into, instinctively. Even when the alcohol you use to swipe at the dried blood stings when it touches his cuts, Steve doesn't do anything to break the contact between your fingers and his skin.

You're gentle, guiding Steve's head around carefully, even in places where he's uninjured. You apologize when he flinches, and he would shake his head at you if you hadn't insisted he stay still.

There's a look in your eyes, and for what feels like the first time ever, Steve doesn't know what you're feeling.

The corners of your lips pull down into a small frown as you press ice against Steve's swollen eye, apologies escaping you.

"'S fine," Steve insists, taking the responsibility of holding up the bag full of ice cubes from you.

"What... happened in there?" You ask, though you're not sure you really want to hear the answer.

"Oh, pfft. Got punched a few times, injected with a mystery drug. No biggie, really." There was no sarcasm in Steve's voice as he tried to downplay the situation, but his efforts to make you feel better were in vain.

"I should've stayed," you start.

"No-"

"No, I should've stayed, Steve! I had no idea what was happening to you down there and if... if something happened, if something worse had happened-!"

Your hands are in Steve's. Somehow, they've managed to work themselves in there again.

"I was going crazy imagining what they were doing to you. I think I would've preferred getting punched in the face as long as I knew... as long as I was with you."

It's all coming out now, all clicking in your head. You couldn't deny how worried you were about Steve, how panic had filled every crevice of your body when he wasn't in your line of sight; when he was in danger.

And what if he had gotten killed down there? What if one of you were to die fighting whatever fleshy monster you were bound to run into?

"This is a terrible time to say this, but I... I love you, Steve. I mean, as much as I don't want to, I do. It's fine if you're done with me, but you need to know, I mean, I have no idea what's going to happen after this, but almost losing you was the worst feeling of my entire life and we... we've been through some pretty bad shit!" You laugh because that's all you can do, nerves pooling in the pit of your stomach at Steve's silence.

But he's looking up at you with a glint in his good eye and lips parted - shock, maybe.

"Can, I uh... can I kiss you?" Steve asks, hoping you've wiped all the blood off the side of his mouth.

"Might just be your last chance," you smile, leaning in oh-so-carefully.

Steve's lips feel so familiar, but the way he kisses you is not. He's restrained, maybe because of the pain, maybe because of the disbelief. He holds you like he's always held you, carefully swiping a thumb across your cheek as you kiss.

You're careful as you pull away and Steve is starstruck.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No," Steve insists. "No, you didn't." Quite the opposite, really.

The worry won't wipe off your face so Steve takes your hands in his, thumbs tracing over your knuckles like he used to always do.

"Don't fuck up again, Harrington." Your voice comes out too soft, too vulnerable.

"I won't," Steve swears. "If I do, I fully give you permission to like... I don't know, chop off my dick or something."

"Hey," Robin calls, though she's unable to keep the grin off her face. "We just got put back on babysitting duty."

She doesn't miss how Steve doesn't let go of your hand all the way outside and she doesn't even mind squishing into the backseat with Dustin and Erica.

⁂

"Griswold Family, do you copy?!"

It's no use. They won't, or can't, pick up.

Your heart thuds in your chest at the thought of all the kids being so close to the danger. This wasn't the plan.

You catch Steve's eye and he nods, the two of you are up and off.

"Where are you going?" Erica demands.

"To get them the hell out of there! Stay here, contact the others!" Steve calls.

"Wait!" Dustin cries, throwing you a walkie. "Stay in touch."

You nod, carefully following Steve downhill as quickly as you can without tripping over yourself.

"Think we're gonna make it?" Steve asks as he manages to get back onto the road, slightly out of breath from the run.

"We're gonna make it," you assure, but you still let Steve's hand squeeze yours for just a second before returning to the wheel.

⁂

"Steve, he's not stopping!"

"Yeah, wouldn't expect that asshole to," Steve mutters. "Okay, hold on!"

You try not to scream as Steve presses the gas, aiming right for Billy. Steve puts his arm out in front of you upon impact, eyebrows drawn in worry.

"Are you okay?"

You nod, though you're not sure how honest you're being. "Come on," you hop out of the car, cramming into Nancy's backseat and shutting the door behind Steve, watching the giant spider flesh thing climb atop of Starcourt.

⁂

It would be comical, really. Dustin and the girlfriend you all thought was fake singing Never Ending Story while a monster chased you around. You'd be laughing if your lives weren't at stake.

"It's turning around," Steve warns and you press yourself closer to the window. Shit. He was right. "It's turning around!"

"Maybe we wore it out?"

"I don't think so!"

Jonathan makes a tight u-turn and, rather than driving the monster away, you're now following it.

Back to Starcourt, it is.

⁂

Your very own light show was right here in the middle of Starcourt, fireworks flung at the Mind Flayer evidently doing some damage. But you couldn't keep this up; the supply was running low and El was still down there with Billy.

All you could do was watch, horror-stricken, as the Mind Flayer got one final kill before the body was disconnected from the brain.

⁂

They put you in shock blankets as you sat in the ambulances. You weren't sure why, but maybe they were doing something. But it felt too constricting, too heavy on you. You had to stand, do something, check up on someone.

Someone beats you to it, bumping your knee with his as he takes a seat next to you.

There's no need for either of you to speak. There's not much to say, anyway.

Instead, you lean into Steve and he wraps his arms around you instantly, his own blanket slipping off as he slides his hands into yours.

There's a ghost of a kiss pressed against your forehead as you bury yourself further into Steve, away from everything horrible you'd seen today.

"Why don't you stay with me tonight?" Steve whispers carefully.

You nod, almost immediately. You don't want to be alone. Not tonight.

⁂

Goodbyes were tough.

Steve had come with you to say goodbye to Jonathan and Will. Despite his rocky relationship with the former and practically non-existant one with the latter, he'd show up anywhere you asked him to.

There were so many memories in the Byers home, some of them completely haunting - but so many of them wonderful.

"Remember when we burnt breakfast so bad it filled the whole house with smoke?" Jonathan reminisces from beside you, leaning against the door frame.

"We? You were supposed to keep an eye on it," you laugh. "Remember Christmas?"

"Yeah, when I had to beg you to stay over?"

"You just didn't want to drive me home."

"Untrue."

The two of you go silent, each of your minds replaying all the memories you had together here. In different orders, you were sure, but all the same memories.

Jonathan pulls you into a hug; tighter than any he's give you before.

"Don't start crying on me now," you joke, but your own throat is beginning to tighten.

"Yeah, you wish."

It's Will and El that almost break you, each of them receiving bone-crushing hugs that they don't complain about - how could they through their sobs?

You hold them until you've got to let go, watching with a heavy heart as all the kids say their final goodbyes.

Not final ones. Just goodbyes, for now.

None of you leave until the U-Haul is long gone, a piece of your little family driving off with them.

⁂

"Steve," you laugh, barely able to get a word in between all the kisses. "I am a forty minute drive away."

"It's almost an hour with traffic," Steve whines, trying to hold you still as he kisses your face.

"Then I'll meet you halfway," you compromise, taking advantage of your cheeks occupying his lips.

"No, no, I'll be here," Steve promises, attacking your lips again.

"Steve!" You laugh, pushing him away. "I'll be home on weekends. And on days I don't have class."

"What if I miss you before that?" Steve mutters, forehead pressed against yours, hands on your hips.

"Then you come visit me. I'm sure my roommate wouldn't mind an extra guest."

Steve groans as you laugh. His hands slide up to frame your face, your own hands resting atop of his.

"I'll see you in five days," you whisper with a smile.

"I'll be counting down the seconds."

Steve kisses you, as lovingly as he always does, until both your lips are puffy.

Maybe this summer wasn't so bad.