#don't be fooled though bc it also has a lot of. angst | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

crucifiedfaerie · 1 year ago

Text

Kylo Ren — SFW Alphabet

no warnings, just lots of fluff and lil bit of angst !! however, just bc its SFW, doesn't mean i want minors interacting w this, BEGONE !!! TO THE GLUE TRAP YOU GO !

— AFFECTION (how affectionate are they?)

in the beginning of your relationship, affection was very scarce. kylo wanted so badly to open up to you more, but was too afraid to, so when he would catch himself getting too close or too affectionate he would pull away and become that cold and calculated kylo again who you knew all too well. when he did finally admit his feelings, he couldn't get enough of you, as if he were making up for all of the lost time he spent pushing you away.

"i cant believe i waited so long to do this, what a fool i am."

— BEST FRIEND (what are they like as a bestie?)

the only hc i have for you as best friends would be if you grew up together in jedi training... and you guys would fuck w each other CONSTANTLY. like practically bully each other, it's all in good fun though. luke would refer to the two of you as partners-in-many-crimes because of the several messes you'd make doing stupid shit. one time ben almost burned the hut down because you dared him to light fireworks outside of luke's window while he slept. bad fucking idea.

"you idiot, he's going to kill us, you know?"

— CUDDLES (how do they like to cuddle?)

kylo loves holding you. his favorite is when your head is on his chest because it makes it easy for him to play with your hair. he also loves being the big spoon, wrapping his strong arms around your small frame. in those moments you were a tiny, precious thing that he wanted only to love and keep safe.

— DOMESTIC (thoughts on settling down? how would they be helping out around?)

kylo wanted nothing more than to make you his and his only forever. despite how kylo treats literally everyone else, he is a very doting partner and has a huge soft spot for you and only you. he's better at helping with cooking than he is cleaning. anytime he would try to clean, he'd never do it right or fully and you'd end up telling him to stop and do it yourself lol.

"what do you MEAN i'm not doing it right?!"

— ENDING (how would breakups go?)

its simply not happening. if he broke up with you, he didn't actually mean it and said it out of anger in the heat of the moment. if you broke up with him, he would probably lose his mind. his cold façade would shatter into a million pieces and he'd promise he would change, do better, do whatever it was you needed him to do. you were his and the mere thought of anyone else ever having you filled him with insurmountable rage and sadness.

— FIANCEE (how do they feel about commitment?)

kylo is devoted to you wholeheartedly. being his empress and ruling over the first order by his side would only solidify that.

— GENTLE (how gentle are they?)

when he isn't being a freak, he handles you as if you are made of glass. a pretty, precious thing that could break at any moment. if you fall asleep next to the fireplace, he will pick you up and carry you to bed, making sure the blankets are tucked around the both of you in the way you like, so you don't wake up cold in the morning.

— HUGS (do they like hugs? what are their hugs like?)

kylo loves hugging you, and you love hugging him. bc of his height, you are dwarfed by him and his hugs feel like getting tightly wrapped in a large, warm blanket. usually he just bends down to hug you, but sometimes he picks you up.

— I LOVE YOU (how long does it take for them to say the L word?)

again, kylo is terrified of showing weakness, so in the beginning of your relationship he's very cold towards you. every time he was around you he had to fight the strong urges telling him to be honest with you. after a long while, he did finally say it though. he was so nervous when he first said it, his eyes scanning your face for a reaction and his palms sweating. now he reminds you that he loves you all the time, especially if he's going out on a mission and won't be back for a couple weeks.

"don't look so sad, my star. i love you, you know i always come back to you."

— JEALOUSY (how jealous do they get?)

kylo is as jealous of a man as you can get. the mere thought of someone trying to take you from him fills him with a rage that rivals the fire of a thousand suns. one time he heard a guard having very loud, impure thoughts about his empress so kylo killed him. you have always been much more passive than he is, so you were not happy to see that he had killed someone on your living room floor.

"but my love- his thoughts were so loud! what else was i supposed to do?!"

— KISSES (do they like kissing? what are their kisses like?)

kissing you is kylo's favorite past time. if you both are out and his helmet is on, all he's thinking about is getting home so he can kiss you. sometimes if no one's around, he will lift his mask up just enough so it only exposes the bottom half of his face so he can get a quick kiss or two or eight in. his kisses are warm and never fail to send tingles down your spine, and you always say kylo tastes of cinnamon and smoke. to him, you taste of summer fruit.

— LITTLE ONES (how are they around kids?)

he's indifferent towards other peoples children, thankfully he's less harsh on them than adults, but he isn't pleasant to them either. one time he blew up on a servant boy that was no older than eleven, and you scolded him afterwards. "he's just a child kylo, don't be so hard on him." he has such a soft spot for you and admires the empathy you have for others that he will never have. he promised you he would try to be a little nicer. yours and his children however, he treats as well as he treats you. they are an extension of his beloved, after all. i hc that kylo is a wonderful father, making sure they receive the fatherly love he never got.

— MORNINGS (how do your mornings with them go?)

sometimes on busy days, he's gone by the time you wake up. you always look so beautiful and peaceful when you're sleeping, so he doesn't dare wake you up. instead he kisses your head and whispers that he loves you and that he will return shortly. he knows you can't hear him, but he likes to tell you anyways. on days he doesn't have to leave so early, you stay in bed together. kissing, cuddling, talking, other things. kylo is content doing anything as long as it's with you.

— NIGHTS (how do your nights with them go?)

this is a sfw post, therefore i cannot describe how your nights with kylo would go lmao. please refer to the nsfw abc's. afterwards though, kylo is a doting partner that takes care of you, cleaning you up and tending to every single mark he left on your body that he worships so much.

— OPEN (how open are they? when will they tell you more about themselves?)

the first few months of your relationship is like dating a brick wall, it is not easy getting kylo to open up. once he does though, he makes sure not to hide anything from you anymore. it took a lot of work and patience, but he loves and trusts you wholeheartedly.

— PATIENCE (how patient are they with you?)

kylo has a temper, and he tries so hard, but he does have slip ups sometimes. any time he blows up on you though, he apologizes immediately. you know he loves you because he absolutely hates admitting he was wrong.

— QUIZZES (how much do they remember about you?)

everything. every detail, every like, every dislike, your favorite color, your favorite flower, your blood type, your fears, hopes, and dreams. this man remembers EVERYTHING about you. at least fifty percent of his brain is an archive of facts about you.

— REMEMBER (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

the first time you told him you loved him. it was the first time anyone told him they loved him, and you made him feel like he was ben again. he used to be so scared of being that boy he tried so hard to kill, but you held that part of him so tenderly, that he knew he'd be an absolute fool to try to push that away.

— SECURITY (how protective are they of you?)

kylo protects you with his own life and would kill thousands for you, despite your disdain for unnecessary violence. you are the most important thing to him, and he would have to be dead before he let anything happen to you.

— TRY (how much effort do they put into dates/special occasions?)

kylo ren has an ungodly amount of rizz and i stand by that. this man buys you your favorite flowers, he sets up candlelit dinners, he watches the sunset with you, he makes you personalized playlists like every other fuckboy except he doesn't send it to seven other women. whether you're his empress yet or not, he treats you like royalty. @enviedear and i also have a hc that kylo is the type of guy to pick out your nail polish color for you, and then buy a tie to wear that matches.

"you'd look so heavenly in this shade of red, my star."

— UGLY (what is a bad habit of theirs?)

kylo has an awful temper and is prone to outbursts. he tries SO hard to not have a temper with you, but everyone makes mistakes. he always apologizes to you though. i also hc that kylo is a nail biter, idk it just makes sense ?? that man is a caged animal and emotionally damaged, he definitely has anxiety.

— VANITY (how insecure are they? what are they insecure about?)

our poor babygirl is sooo insecure about everything, no matter how much you tell him how beautiful he is. your loving words of affirmation always make him feel a little better though.

— WHOLE (would they feel incomplete without you?)

without you, kylo would return to the broken, shell of a man he was before you. if he somehow lost you, hundreds of innocent lives would be lost due to the rampage he'd go on.

— XTRA (a random headcanon about them)

another hc that liv and i came up with was kylo's and ben's music taste. kylo listens to typical male manipulator music like radiohead, the smiths, and deftones with some angrier shit like slipknot and korn. ben is a different breed of male manipulator that listens to the weeknd and pulls up blasting solo by future. we also hc that both cry alone to lana del rey.

— YUCK (what are some things they dislike?)

anything and everything that isn't you. his least favorite thing though, is when he can hear people's rude or impure thoughts about you. he hasn't told you this, but he's killed at least fifteen people for doing just that.

"personally, i think fifteen isn't enough."

— ZZZZ (what are their sleeping habits like?)

for the first few months of your relationship, he did not sleep around you. you were convinced he didn't sleep... like ever. after he became more vulnerable with you though, he would. you love how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. i also hc that sometimes he gets terrible, vivid nightmares that he wakes up crying from :(

#kylo ren #ben solo #star wars #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #star wars x reader #star wars sequel trilogy #the force awakens #the last jedi #the rise of skywalker

207 notes · View notes

warren-keplers-funk-band · 8 months ago

Text

i've had bewitched, bothered and bewildered stuck in my head ever since the episode titles came out... and thinking about this song in relation to buck and buddie is. kind of driving me insane

"men are not a new sensation," in relation to buck's bisexuality?

"i'm wild again, beguiled again/ a simpering, whimpering child again," something something buck retreating to his younger self's habits, naive, reckless, desperate. maybe acknowledging his growth

"lost my heart, but what of it/ he is cold i agree/ he can laugh, but i love it/ although the laugh's on me," tell me this doesn't read like buck being jealous of marisol, feeling his love is unrequited, appreciating eddie and eddie's happiness from afar but not feeling worthy of him

"i'll sing to him, each spring to him/ and long for the day when i'll cling to him," this kind of speaks to me of buck's self-sacrificial nature, how he wants to be needed, wants to be used, how his love language to eddie is acts of service... but then like. also allowing himself to want things

"he's a fool," they're both oblivious soo

"i'm in love and don't i show it," you certainly do, babes. in fact you've done nothing but show it since your second episode together

"i've sinned a lot," this accompanied by the "i can be oversexed again," seems very buck 1.0-specific to me. again maybe he's retreating? or acknowledging his growth? especially since his old player tendencies were literally brought up in 7x01. by himself. which eddie immediately amended by saying that he's not like that anymore. idk, it just feels relevant

"and worship the trousers that cling to him," ok let's be real, not to be a simp on main, but we've all seen ryan guzman's legs. also that man is caked up

"when he talks, he is seeking/ words to get off his chest," now THIS. this means a lot to me. i'm already so crazy insane about eddie slowly opening up and being more vulnerable, especially with buck. and ryan and oliver have both confirmed that buck and eddie going to be a lot more open with each other and lean on each other this season. eddie's not great with words, but he's slowly starting to be able to ask buck for help with chris directly, tells him his problems... and i think buck sees that, and is really proud of him for it

"vexed again, perplexed again," and "burned a lot, but learned a lot," both kind of feel to me like references to buck's (and eddie's honestly) history with dating, how everyone leaves him, dazed and confused, not knowing what he did wrong.. but again! i think we've seen a lot of growth with buck in this respect. like, he's learning not to settle. i got the impression that he broke things off with natalia not the other way around, which is a breakthrough for him honestly.

the song has sort of a bittersweet ending honestly, which i think might mean we'll get some angst. like maybe buck and eddie will. encounter some problems in their relationship, or eddie rejects buck or something. obviously that's wild spec but like let me live??

i want to clarify i'm not delulu i don't think the 100th episode will be super buck-centric despite being called 'buck, bothered and bewildered' considering precedent with 'buck, actually' (even though i personally wouldn't mind that, he's my blorb) i was just listening to the song bc it's on my writing playlist and had many thoughts and feelings. feel free to ignore

#whatever happens i'm excited for the episode #i think it'll be a special one #i just have a good feeling about it #shit will go down #buck bothered and bewildered #911 #911 spec #911 speculation #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #long post

54 notes · View notes

scarfacemarston · 1 year ago

Note

J and E for arthur please! and maybe this is cheating but could i have a bonus how he’d get back together too bc i can’t have angst without a happy ending 🥹

For have a second I thought you said Arthur cheating and I would have been like, nooo. This is a longer one because you gave me three prompts.These have also been added to the Charthur tag by request. Please let me know if there is another ship that should be added. Prompt here for everyone! J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?) - Given that he has low confidence and how humble he is when it comes to love, I feel like it's more of a "Oh, of course she found someone, they are younger/more attractive/more well off/etc than me." However, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He tends to be a bit more weary in camp or saloons. Camp because it's something he's picked up from others and it makes sense that people know that you two are in a relationship. At a saloon, he's thinking of potential "low lives". However, places like the nicer parts of St. Denis can trigger him as well because he feels like he can't give the reader what they deserve. He might say a self deprecating comment, or he may say a sarcastic comment to the person flirting and snake an arm around your waist. It depends on his mood. E - Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) I think it would only be if he was feeling insecure and thought they were better off with someone else. Maybe he sees reader having a good time with Sean, Sadie or Lenny and he feels as though he can't provide that for the reader, so it's best to let them go. Arthur is very tolerant so I don't see it as something that is small or a bad habit. He had a very complicated relationship with Mary and regardless of one's opinion of her, she did have a lot of power over him. I think with the reader, it would be the same and the reader would have to be careful not to take advantage of him. He's a people pleaser with more than just Dutch and Hosea and that would include the reader. I think if he started acting low honor-ish or at least engaging in more criminal behavior, he would think that you don't need to be dragged down by him. Then, the talks of "I'm too old. I have a lot of baggage. There are more honest men out there." etc. begins. Unless reader did something horrible, that's the only way I see Arthur ending it. To him, break ups are more likely a "him" problem, not a you problem. Bonus: Getting back together: I really don't see him actually pursuing that on his own. He'd have to get a lot of hints about it first from you. He's not "going to make a fool" of himself again. Hosea, Charles, Lenny or Abigail would have to talk sense into him or the reader would have to make it clear that they want him. It's not the gushy answer you may want, but meta wise, it's the realistic answer. I like to combine the two. It would be awkward at first, quiet conversations that are pretty surface level until he blurts something out about what he feels when the tension becomes too much, or if he says some unexpectedly funny comment. Once that first step is taken, he's still apprehensive, but gains his confidence back from there. Again, reader has to be VERY communicative and clear with him. From there, it would be going out on rides together, just the two of you, or exploring a new place he found. Maybe he'd take you hunting, or to town if you really wanted to. It would be slow, but if you/reader loved Arthur, it would be worth it.

#rdr 2 #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x male reader #arthur morgan x gender neutral reader #van der linde gang #red dead redemption 2 #charles smith x arthur morgan #charthur

77 notes · View notes

deedjre · 1 month ago

Text

day 15 - music ! i have quite a bit for this one. item 1: unfinished storyboard i made a while ago! the song is lonely eyes by the front bottoms :) item 2: lyric comic i made during digital art class! it's a different au from what i usually post of john and colin but still. song is nights like these by pigeon pit :) item 3: drawing based on lyrics ! yippee. song is tall black trees by pigeon pit.

And here's a character playlist for the both of them: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvMPESsWlYRcveDMBU7vjSBoK2srwEm6x

And a lil guide to it (i could elaborate on these song choices but i won't): Colin (gen) - mamma told me, oh you, hell above, milk crates, mushrooms, bitter choco decoration Colin (towards John) - nerve, the vampire, my corpse friend, ghost boys, darkest heart John (gen) - trees ii, mawce, brave as a noun, goodbye declaration, shadow (i'm breaking down) John (towards Colin) - i don't smoke, too close, lonely eyes, overgrown garden, lost kitten, vampire empire, bathtub mermaid, fool, poison, disasterology, real men, world.execute(me);, parasite, opium, it's you, a human's touch, icicles, it should've been me, i needed you/you needed time, why didn't you stop me, the desolation of spring, the girl who faded away, tall black trees Dawsey (about him in any sense) - the bird song, twelve feet deep, awkward conversations, jet pack blues, bulletproof love misc (NOT just vibes based but i can't put a category to it) - killer (could be anyone), weathergirl (probably john but dawsey has a heavy association with rain), i left my towel... (same as weathergirl)

(prompt list)

CWs for content below in the lyric comic and the storyboard: smoking, alcohol use, implied alcoholism, suicide attempt in one of them (it's reiterated right above), just. a lot of angst lmao

but first, here's the drawing without the lyrics in the way :) he's in colin's room! lots of ways to tell that here lmao. also i was initially coloring/shading with my nightlight on but thankfully it actually looks closer to what i was trying to achieve without it on lmao

next is lonely eyes storyboard! CW: alcohol use, smoking, implied alcoholism, suicide attempt, rough falling out, and john has his top off on the last page. he's very underweight and has s/h scars (though there just kinda lines here). so if you're uncomfortable with that maybe scroll past.

one of the panels on the third page was added in like yesterday. bc i forgot a line somehow. anyway i think this song summarizes their story p well. never finished the boards though. you might recognize dawsey from prev days but there's also jackson (in the fedora but not john) and their boss (guy with the hair bun)

next is the night like these lyric comic! CW: smoking, alcohol use, implied alcoholism. couple of idiots thinking they're not doing enough for the other. artstyle goes back and forth between two alternatives lmao

my favorite bit is how the "you" points to john :) since the concept behind this story is an aro (bisexual) and an ace (homoromantic) trying to navigate a strange relationship in the 1960s i felt like the "fuck i'm sorry you feel all alone" line really fit. also even in the choruses i devoted to each of them you can tell how they're opposites. like with the framing of pages 3 and 7 specifically. this lyric comic is also where i figured out a lot of things. like colin's nose and how his ahoge always points to john. man i could say a lot more about this lyric comic

#bweirdOCtober #bweirdOCtober2024 #oc tober #digital art #original characters #cw smoking #cw alcohol

3 notes · View notes

kaisacobra · 10 months ago

Note

need a part two !! all about revenge but with a happy ending😭 this would’ve such a good series. readers dynamic with mindy and sam is so interesting to me. both mindy and sam loving tara so much but knowing how much tara hurts reader.. PAIN. i see ppl in the comments talking about sam and reader being a possibility but i feel like that’s kind of out of left field. i totally see sam and reader being more like family because of tara and sams just really appreciative of reader and seeings her as another little sister she wants to protect but it’s hard because she has to protect her from tara so mindy does it. and mindy and sam totally give each other looks whenever something particularly unfair goes on between r and tara. it’s like a car wreck where they just can’t look away. i think it’d be cool to see the aftermath though. maybe reader finally gains self respect and tries to move on (even tho i think it’d be difficult after loving someone for so long). i wonder how tara would react to it, the regret she’d feel would just tumble over and she’d want to think she was right in everything all along but no one’s backing her up and she’s likes oh shit i made a mistake and do need help. also think it’d be interesting to see reader and quinn maybe develop a relationship even if it isn’t serious. like them just fooling around do reader has a distraction and quinn would know. god knows reader isn’t ready for anything serious and quinn, being ghostface, well this would be a perfect opportunity to drive the relationship between tara and reader even more into the mud. quinn would totally be like “she never appreciated you. and you deserve so much better” to reader and r would be agreeing with her but still defending tara. and tara would be all jealous and she’s forced to see it cause r has a roommate so they can’t go to their room and quinn lives with tara so she cant escape seeing them together. and when quinn reveals herself she’d totally make fun of the relationship and be like “and don’t even get me started on r because even when we were together all she could talk about was u, tara” and she’d spit taras words back at her and be like “you’re right she is pathetic. there’s no wonder you kept her around with how she’d follow ur every move/i get why you’d be tired of her bc she was so obsessed with you” and tara would be shocked at the cruel words and hurt because she realizes that’s exactly what she said to reader. i feel like i won’t be seeing a happy ending cause there’s so much angst but i will be rooting for a happy ending ! sorry i’m rambling but it came to my head and i had to let this out. lmk ur thoughts idc if u think it’s bad lol

was this based off anything ? i kept thinking of second best by laufey but a million other songs ran through my head

Okay, first of all, i absolutely love long asks and I'm gonna make sure to answer this with the same energy🤠

I see people are starting to want happy endings too, huh🤨 While I don't think second best is gonna turn into a series, maybe I could make alternate endings for y'all

I do love Mindy and Sam's relationship with R because they balance each other out. Mindy stays by R's side because she knows Tara has Sam and Sam feels relieved that R is getting support from Mindy because she can't leave Tara

And yeah, i don't really see R getting with Sam on part two. However, since I love mixing characters from different universes that I've watched, I considered a lot putting Enid Sinclair (at least a version of her) as Tara's new "competition".

But I also have to say I love your idea of it being Quinn! Although I would make her more of a Tiffany Valentine (if you've seen Chucky) killer in a sense of being a passionate lover who's not afraid of hurting her partner

About it being based off anything, it's not really, at least not intentionally. Second best was actually supposed to be one of those "4 times and 1" where we would see the 4 times Tara put R second and the 1 time R had enough. I'm glad with the outcome though.

And I loved your thoughts! Honestly, you make great points and I'm happy that people seem excited for part 2🥰

#✦: 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑠

13 notes · View notes

redandblackpoetry · 6 months ago

Note

and onto my favorite part of ur answers: eldritch ghost crumbs (⁠つ⁠✧⁠ω⁠✧⁠)⁠つ

i'm v interested in ghost's past with roach, like the entirety of their relationship? hows and whys and whens!!! but i shall keep my silence for the sake of the sequel...... but!! ghost's issues keep increasing (well i keep learning there's even more baggage than i expected) with each of my asks/comments that u answer and i am Enjoying It. like yes. make him Suffer. hurt/comfort is a very superior trope and he is my sacrificial lamb to the angst gods

so idk much abt lovecraftian eldritch monsters (i know of the lore pretty vaguely) bc i am a Fool so idk how much u based ur plot on it but basically any eldritch lore dump is appreciated either way bc of that.

also ghost crumbling at peer pressure? now i feel that. well i think u meant more like a threatening sort of pressure rather than friendly jabbing but it's a lot more funnier when u consider ghost being exposed to peer pressuring and going. uh, ok. LMAO anyway it's also a v beautiful irony that a being that feeds off of fear doesn't welcome it in the parts of his life that he is the most vulnerable in so chefs kiss for that

his true form!!!! i was already guessing this bc it's pretty much implied i feel like but!!! does this mean, when ghost got captured by zaragoza he was in his true form? what are the dimensions even? and!!!! simon saw him like that? could 141 ever get a chance to see him like that, like can he leave simon's body and then come back? (i won't accept the answer of they will but he'll have to completely leave simons body, no sir. simon is along for the ride alive or dead, whether he wants to or not) (talk abt ride or die but die is optional while ride is mandatory)

more importantly, i'm like v v v obsessed with thinking abt simon's pov on first seeing ghost and how his opinion would've changed had the situation been more normal when they first met? like... is he also inherently a monsterfucker? (that's such an iconic question out of context btw, pls acknowledge my brilliance) but like soap sees the tongue and goes. hm. would simon also. ok no my brain is overheating at this point i'll shut up.

(i'm just thinking another au of an au yet again. thanks for the brainrot. it's branching and GROWING how do i stop it????? but like i'm imagining like timeline being different and ghost being captured by the opportunistic fuck shepherd and they try to use ghost in usual military fashion and simon maybe meets him like that and. wow now that i'm getting into it this has the vibes of those merfics of mer being caltured and the scientist seeing them and slowly getting to know them and it's then an epic save-the-mer adventure but mer is an eldritch monster and the pretty scientist is actually a built like a shit brickhouse, gruff military man simon who is Ver Reluctantly starting to get fond of ghost and is not happy abt it)

(i'm dying. why is my brain doing this to me. whyyyyyy)

anyway i have yet again wrote walls of text abt this fic so. i'll wander off and touch some grass before my brain explodes. i'm just. obsessed with all this. a tad too much perhaps so this ask is now ur problem. have fun

The hows and the whys and the whens of Roach and Ghost's relationship have pretty similar answers actually, it'll make sense when I get there hopefully. And I hope that it's as good as you're imagining!

Hurt/comfort ngl is one of my favorite tropes, and I love giving characters trauma and breaking them down and mending them back together and seeing how I can mend them

And don't worry about knowing the lore, as with most fanfiction I'm taking Lovecraft and his genre's works and kinda ripping it apart for juicy bits, though I'm trying to keep the overall impressions. The feeding on different emotions/things is entirely my own idea because I honestly needed some way to nerf Ghost since Lovecraft never elaborates on how his eldritch beings function, so I gave them a food source. The whole possession aspect is actually based on one of Lovecraft's characters though I filled in my own blanks (LC loves being vague for The Horror) and Ghost's parents are also eldritch horrors that are mentioned in his and others' works. Cthulhu also exists in this fic and is actually Ghost's nephew geneology wise! Thats gonna become important in the next chapter ;)

And yesss the fact that Ghost feeds on fear doesnt make him immune to it

And yes! Ghost was in his true form when he was captured by the cartel, though since he was weak he was smaller than normal (he stretches like silly putty). I put a lot of lore and background into each chapter so I'm never sure how much readers remember/understand especially if its spread out. Size wise during the cartel he was probably at least the size of a car, normally he's maybe the size of a six story building? He's actually pretty small compared to some of his kind

And yes, Simon saw him like that and was like "neat, I'm gonna make a deal with this thing because I was the cartel to Burn" and Ghost immediately vibed with that

Would you believe that I'm toying with the idea of the 141 seeing his true form in the main fic? Its gonna be very near the end, and there's a lot of angsty implications regarding it because remember, Simon's dead. Without Ghost to keep his body, well, alive and functioning what happens to a dead body?

Absolutely iconic question and I'd very much believe that Simon is definitely a monsterfucker. He's seen so many human monsters that it imagine its somewhat of a relief and very attractive for him to see a monster not trying to hide what they are. You're also giving me very naughty threesome Ghost/Simon/Soap ideas

And friend, dear mutual, I have absolutely no clue how to fix the brainrot as its infected me as well! And again with giving me ideas!! I was soo close to starting a new 141 fic focusing on Roach for mermay you have no idea, might come to your ask box and ramble at you about it

You know Venom, yes? This idea is giving very Venom movie vibes. Because Ghost is a hardass and he'd cave eventually and end up possessing the people that Shepherd brought in as cannon fodder but he wouldn't gel with them and since he's very prideful he's end up ripping them to shreds over and over. Until Simon. Until Shepherd captured Simon and they gel and Simon and Ghost bond and the 141 come to save them. The team finds out about Ghost and they just slowly introduce him to the world and help him heal and take him on missions

Welp this has been my wall of text, hope you enjoyed! I also need to touch grass but sadly its a beautiful day and I'm stuck at work

1 note · View note

theguyinthemathexamples · 2 years ago

Text

Hihi!

the name's CakesInOil, aka theguyinthemathproblems, and i'm that one person in your fyp that takes nothing seriously and also the one that you'd realized has the mental capacity of a squirrel and a very very messed up, and an essentially non-existent sleep schedule the longer you get to know me :))

though, in all seriousness, i'm an ongoing genshin writer and yes, lowercase is intended whenever i write, excluding brainrots, drabbles, and possible future fanfics :DD

if you want to request anything, then go ahead :D

(more utc :]])

just note, tho, that the things I won't be doing are:

nsfw (which, yes, does include suggestive themes)

heavy themes of violence (angst ain't just my cup of coffee tbh, but i will try and experiment with it in the coming future),

anything,, yk, disgusting, which i won't be listing as i'm sure you know what i mean by what i said,

and overall ships that just spell "..why on god did he even allow people like you to exist here on earth??" and "i wonder how god hasn't smite you yet" for your entire mindset and existence.

and if you have any questions regarding my "do not request" limits, just dm me or send an ask. don't worry, i won't bite :))

if you don't want to send a request or an ask and just want to send something random, then go ahead, i won't mind :DD

A few things about me!

i may curse here and there but i'll try my best to tone it down a lot ^^""

i like to do little faces like :D, :), >:(, and etc. so that people can somewhat guess the sentence's context/intentions a little better :>

i'll wake up in the middle of the night and write random stuff that i would have no memory of doing (and tumblr will now have to hear every single end of it :))

i considered drabbles as brainrots bc i didn't know what it was called before

i'm under your bed :) /j

i use any type of pronouns (excluding neopronouns) but mostly use they/them to address myself :D

Custom tags :D

# collective reigning recipes ° : cake's everyday quotes (use them if u want lmao)

# fool's flour ° : cake talks/rambles about things that are mostly irl experiences

# sparkling wheat �� : cake talks/rambles about things that are related to fandoms, mostly containing content about genshin and hsr

# perilous eggs ° : cake answers asks/reqs/talks from anons or readers/viewers :>

# moonlit hens ♪ : cake answers asks/reqs/talks from their beloved moots :D

# obsidian-hard sugar ° : cake draws stuff :D

# "titan's wrath" frosting ° : cake... vents about stuff. *silently opens and closes vent on the floor*

# spoiled milk ° : cake spoils stuff, mostly about genshin and hsr

# sunlit cows ♪ : cake makes shitposts whether random or fandom related :)

Fic types :DD

# cherry waterfall * : cake makes a fic series

# scaled vanilla extracts ° : x reader fics

# suspiciously shiny mint chocolate ♪ : character x character fics maybe?

# gold coated cocoa powder ♪ : drabbles/short fics, might turn into cherry waterfalls if motivated enough

# silver lined strawberries ♪ : posts about/fics explaining aus, mostly from genshin and hsr

# stellar-borne cookies and cream ♪ : brainrots/headcannons that are more or less gonna turn into gold coated cocoa powder if braincells go boom boom big and loud enough

# sun-kissed sprinkles ♪ : cake reposts about stuff hehe >:]]

———————————

if i missed anything, don't hesitate to tell me about it :D

btw, yes, i will post very very very slowly, like even more slowly than a snail or tutrle bc i've unfortunately been very very busy as of late :((

"no no no no no BB by be in the na na na na BB I'll buy by by by" - my goofy ahh autocorrect, nov 15, 2022

#how do i tag lmao #send help #sagau #genshin writer #new writer here :)#watch me do a flip /hj #watch me post smth a few minutes/hours later after this lmao #genshin sagau #introducing myself #it is 3am #this is fine #intro post #made this just so i could reply to an ask 💞💞

14 notes · View notes

kuronekonerochan · 4 years ago

Note

Hi...how are you? If you don't mind me asking what are your top 5 favorite danmei novels (until now)? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

Hi, sorry for being slow at answering!

In no particular order:

Ok, so I liked the 3 from MXTX:

- Grandmaster of Diabolic Cultivation/ Mo Dao Zu Shi

This one I loved but it has a particular style that ppl might not like in that it feels jumpy, confusing and with information gaps while reading, even though eventually everything that matters does end up being explained...in other works this would probably be just lazy writing, but here it is clearly an intentional choice bc 1) she doesn’t do this in her other novels 2) this is in WWX’s pov and dude has heavy ptsd and adhd, plus he tends to pretend to take everything lightly as a coping mechanisms...all this put together and it’s easy to understand why the story has such an unreliable narrator that even the other characters constantly point it out. I ended up loving this extra layer of storytelling.

- Heaven Official’s Blessings/ Tian Guan Ci Fu

If you’re in the mood for a saga type long ass novel with a ton of interesting side stories and side characters with a main character who is a true cinnamon bun in sweet romance with a side dish of sweet sweet aaaangst.

- Scum Villains Self Saving System

The most entertaining out of all of them. It manages to be a parody of two genres, both danmeis and wuia/jianghu harem het novels (fighter of destiny style) with OP leads, while also being its own cute and funny story with a heart to it.

From other authors:

- Meatbun’s 2ha/ Dumb Husky and his White Cat Shizun

What if someone took a look at the parody that is SVSSS and said...”no, you know what? This really deserves to be an epic, long ass, and I mean, topping old classics’ length novel packed with angst, filled with pain and topped with despair...and then we’re sprinkling some funfetti on top to fool y’all”...and you know what? that’s some good cake. (If you’re into cdramas SVSSS is to 2ha what The Romance of Tiger and Rose is to Goodbye My Princess).

- Priest’s Sha Po Lang:

Steampunk China plus creepy voodoo tribal ritual magic, involved in internal and external wars over petrol (with a different name) and with our leads in Iron Man suits, fighting, among other enemies hot young(er) hands on, on the field, western troop General, the Pope, that I can only visualize in my head as Jude Law. I tell you all of this nonsense just to say that instead of the ridiculous fun this should be, it ends up being a very compelling romance with lots of scheming and heavy plot and some heartbreaking scenes.

- The Golden Stage:

This is a court drama type novel with friends-to-rivals-to-lovers that is just the right length and compelling with not too many plot twists but two main characters who are really great both individually and together and this is the one out of all in the list I feel like re reading the most. It really is a solid read and I feel like I’m selling it short, bc it really is good. It is similar to Sha Po Lang and To Rule in a Turbulent World, a simpler version of those but not worse for it.

(Since you said top 5 and I’ve said 6, I regretfully cut down Heaven Official’s Blessing bc even though I love it, unlike MDZS or SVSSS, it didn’t feel like a standalone novel because some of the several storylines of the side characters that I loved were left open ended (although the main characters had a complete story arc), as if this book was supposed to be the first of a series and those characters would have their own spinoff books where I’d know where their story took them...except this really is a standalone, and so the lack of resolution bothers me).

>> Honorable Mentions:

- To Rule in a Turbulent World

This one doesn’t go in the top 5 list yet bc it’s not fully translated, last time I checked (tho it’s very near the end). As an ongoing novel, I adore it. If the ending isn’t terrible it might be in my top 3. It’s similar to the two above in plotlines but it has a quality to it that it takes care to make every character in it multidimensional. There are no good and bad characters, even the ones on the opposite side are given something that makes them relatable and human. Plus, the characters all change throughout the novel, most of all the protagonists and the novel gives itself breathing time between events where you just chill with the characters and learn about random things like agricultural practices.

- The Wife Is First

This one is just that light fluff feel good one that is great to pick up from time to time since it’s on going. Dumb Jock husband did everything wrong in his first life, gets a re-do and from then on it’s adorable respect the spouse juice and awe of said spouse smarts. Cute. Also, there’s a baby pet tiger.

>> Others I did like, just not in the top 5:

-Faraway Wanderers and Lord Seventh/Qi Ye by Priest:

Qi Ye is similar to To Rule in A Turbulent World/The Golden Stage/Sha Po Lang. I really liked it still, just a tiny bit less than these. Since it’s the same author as SPL and I think it was written earlier, I have to say, the writing only got better.

Faraway Wanderers is a short read, but you’re only gonna like it if you’re ok with amoral main characters (I guess that is true for many on this list but it’s more obvious in this one bc the novel and the characters are unapologetic about it).

- YuWu by Meatbun - Still reading it, but is isn’t grabbing me like 2ha did.

>> I assumed you only wanted danmeis as in period fantasy bl novels, but if we go modern, fantasy or not:

- Silent Readings by Priest:

I love crime fiction novels (love Ding Mo’s novels) and this is that type of conspiracy, murder novel with smart criminals and smart investigators. Little romance, but still there.

- Guardian by Priest:

Priest is hilarious and except the last part that gets a bit heavy on the lore this is just a joy to read. Also pretty short.

- Advance Bravely:

I read it a long time ago and it’s okayish, with some cute and some weird, problematic characters.

- Addicted/ Heroin:

Also read it (this is 2 books) ages ago...and this one is NOT cute. It starts out as a pretty normal, but kind of toxic very typical oldschool drama/manga romance right down to the step brothers’ trope....and then it keeps escalating to new levels of WTF am I reading?!! All I have to say for this one is, that while I cannot recommend it per se, nor say it’s good, the title really is fitting, bc it is addictive as f.

174 notes · View notes

kidhawks · 4 years ago

Note

With hummingbird Hawks... Maybe his audience would also extend to students, mainly high school and middle school (?) especially girls, but boys could also be included. It's just because in Japan, what is considered cute tends to be more appreciated and popular—. Maybe it's possible for him to have more fans? Lmao. If they make popularity contest, Hawks being no. 1, mainly because he's cute...

His interaction with Endeavor 🤔 it wouldn't change too much, only Hawks' attitude, I think. Pro-heroes will constantly underestimated him (but less than the public, since they're used to him). Younger ones won't hesitate too much, tho jdjdd.

So... it's settled that the way he presents himself will change. If the facade that Hawks presents to the public is more laid-back, and also has a more attractive look for young adults :p hummingbird Hawks, as you said, is more energetic, with a cute boyish look... So, he appears even more childish, especially with his facial expressions? They would be similar, but the feeling between canon Hawks and hummingbird Hawks is different. Canon Hawks looks more bratty, inmature yet funny, and hummingbird Hawks is just... cute. People will laugh at him because they think that he's adorable. Actually, he probably wouldn't hesitate too much in doing things that could be seen as childish because he knows that people see him more as a kid than a hero, so it would feel more "in character"? The relationships during his infiltration could change a lot, along with his approach to how he convinces them. Like, people may think that since he's cute, he gets a pass to act more insistent— annoyingly insistent and more direct with what he needs (plus being energetic and chatty), unlike canon Hawks (who is more relaxed with this) without a problem, when usually, that would make people inmediately mistrust you. Will definitely play the oblivious card more often than before, too!

I don't think he will do it that much, though, just enough to fit his facade and when he sees an opportunity 👀 he definitely won't use all these things constantly, or people wouldn't appreciate him. I love this au too much, uuuuh.

sorry for a late reply ;; i’m going through my inbox finally!!

oh YES hawks manages to be popular amongst almost every demographic with his hummingbird quirk bc he’s just adorable (but also snarky). u can’t help but love him

oooh his dynamic with endeavor and other pros! he probably gets called a nuisance by endeavor a lot because he’s constantly flitting about getting and up in ur business.... he’s just as playful with endeavor as he is in canon but now more physically so if that makes sense? he comes across as pretty harmless and can get away with buzzing around like an annoying fly.... which endeavour tries to swat away, and ofc hawks is too fast for him lmao but it makes for some entertaining candids

AAAH i love all your ideas so much every time!!! hawks very much plays the fool in canon when he can get away with it, but now that’s kind of amplified. i actually think that canon hawks shows how wise he is pretty often and a lot of other heroes can see that, but i reeeaaally like the idea of hummingbird hawks having a steadfast ditsy persona that doesn’t waver (all the more fun when others realise he’s not what he seemed). not to angst it but.... the footage of tiny, upbeat hummingbird hawks stabbing twice would hit so much harder.

i wonder how he’d convince the league he’s on their side? “i don’t belong in a cage” stills works but maybe now he can also hint that he doesn’t feel like he’s treated as a person, just a cute product to be marketed (a little bit of truth always sells a lie better). perhaps twice would see him not just as a friend but someone he wants to protect since hawks comes across so young.... ah now i’m just hurting my own feelings i’ll stop

#hummingbird hawks #awwhwhhh i missed this au i wanna draw for it again #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #ask #angst #long post #bu-2-ny

29 notes · View notes

writemywaytoyourheart · 6 years ago

Text

Requested: no, not at all

a/n: this has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me y'all. the only reason I made this was bc I want you all to know what can happen when you leave someone behind. So if you're struggling, please talk to someone, talk to me, my asks and dms are always open. Ily

*Listen to Clouds by Before You Exit, either before or after reading this*

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x reader

Genre: angst, bits of fluff scattered about, but just pure angst if we're being honest here.

Warnings: Language, suicidal death, panic attacks, depression, lots of hurt and depressed Kookoo I'm so sorry.

Word Count: 5.7k hoo

Read at your own emotional risk. If this is triggering for you do not read it please. Go find happy fluff on my Masterlist

The smile on your face could fool anyone. It sure did fool him.

The way you danced to the music no matter where you were or who was watching, made his heart skip a beat in his chest.

You would belt out whatever song was playing, even if you didn't know all the lyrics. A ton of 'la la la's' would ensue and he couldn't control his giggles while watching you. His heart pounded in his chest everytime he heard you sing, even though you weren't the best singer in the world.

The way you would subtly tell him that you were hungry–dramatically grabbing your stomach and groaning about how your belly button was surely sucking your spine because of how empty it was down there.

Your eyes would light up when he suggested getting lunch, and 'oh yeah sure, if you're hungry' would be your nonchalant reply, although the brightness in your eyes and the skip in your step as you hurried ahead of him gave you away. His heart fluttering as he was tripping over himself to catch up to you.

The way your eyes would get bigger as you looked at the food choices, whether he took you to a restaurant or a random food stand on the sidewalk. You were so excited every time.

The day Jungkook asked you to be his girlfriend would be etched into your memory forever. You'd been friends for about a year, he trusted you with everything and would always turn to you, and he knew that you were the person that he wanted to spend his life with, maybe have a family with someday. He actually knew it the day he first laid eyes on you–you were introducing yourself to them all, and reached Jungkook last stretching your hand out to shake his and the second you touched him–a bell went off. It startled Jungkook and he whirled around trying to find where it came from. He found that it was Jimin's alarm as the older boy quickly turned it off. He never told anyone until you two were dating, you were both hopeless romantics and you squealed in delight when he told you the story. He knew then that you were his soulmate.

The day he asked you to be his was in the spring, you two were walking along a path of cherry blossom trees. It was cliché but his cute stutter and pink cheeks made it a thousand times better.

Of course you also had your bad days, everyone does. But you always tried your best to keep a smile on your face. He admired you a lot for that. But he loved you just as much when you cried for hours, lying in his arms, feeling like you wanted to give up, when you didn't know what to do anymore, though he always helped you come down from that. On the less serious days, you would rant for a bit about what had you down, then suggest a dance party, and he would happily oblige.

You two would spin around dancing and singing along to the songs until your lungs inevitably gave out or your head got too dizzy, then you'd plop on the ground in a fit of giggles. Troubles long forgotten.

At least that's what you made him believe.

Yeah, you definitely fooled him.

Now you were gone.

And he would never get the chance to ask you why.

"Hello?"

"....Kookie?" Your voice on the other line sounded weak, it was late and he was worried you might be sick.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?"

"...Kookie, I'm sorry." Your voice broke at the end, Jungkook didn't think he'd ever heard you sound so sad and tired.

"What do you mean baby? It's okay, what's going on? Talk to me."

"Jungkook, I...I lo-" Were you crying? He tried to stay calm, "Y/n? Baby, what is it?" You didn't answer so he spoke again, a little louder this time, "Y/n, please answer me love."

...

'Hyung, I think I need to go to Y/n.'

All he can remember is pale.....pale walls, pale tiled floors, your body lying limp on them, pale pills dumped on the floor next to you.

Confusion and panic.

That's all he can remember. No matter how hard he tries to forget it.

Voices shouting around him. Someone grabbing his arms when he started to fade. Jin hyung picking you up in his arms, cradling your lifeless body and hurrying out of the bathroom. Where had the light in your eyes gone? Why did they look so empty?

'She's tired...she needs to sleep.'

He kept repeating the words to Hoseok who was holding him up now. Hoseok just nodded silently and held the youngest up the best he could.

'Hyung, she's sick. She needs medicine. She needs to sleep.'

Why was no one listening to him? Why was Jimin crying? Where did Y/n and Jin hyung go? What was going on? Why was Yoongi hyung shouting into a phone?

Hoseok practically carried Jungkook to the car, pushing him in and slamming the door shut behind them.

Why wouldn't Jimin stop crying? Why was Tae pale as a ghost as he sped down the road? Why was Namjoon trying to calm everyone down? Where were Y/n, Jin, and Yoongi?

What the hell is going on??

There you were, someone was wheeling you into a white room, on a white bed, your hair splayed haphazardly around your face.

That was the night he lost you.

That night.....It will haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Shut up Kookoo!" You laugh and hit him playfully, he couldn't help but reach out and tickle your sides to get you to stop smacking his chest–causing you to shriek and flail away from him. He loved that nickname that you always called him, and he wouldn't dare let anyone else call him that.

"Why should I?" He laughed as you kept trying to get away from his tickle attack. He had just beaten you at yet another round of 'Sorry', that stupid passive-agressive board game, and he wouldn't stop teasing you for making that one dumb move.

"It was a stupid accident Kook! Just shuddup already!" You couldn't stop laughing and kicking at him, trying to knock him off of you.

Eventually he pins your arms to your sides, and lays on top of you. You try not to let a smile break as he grins down at you, then he leans down and kisses your nose softly, then both your cheeks, he rubs his nose against yours before kissing your lips, "sorry baby, I'll stop teasing you now." He leans down and starts kissing all over your face again, giggles leaving your lips at the ticklish feeling...Then he takes your hand and looks at the little silver ring on your pointer finger–he had a matching one on his–he traces it and looks for the little engraving on it, then reads it aloud, " 'forever and always', remember when you didn't want that on it?" He makes a face at you and you laugh, "it's not that I didn't want it, it just sounded cheesy at the time. But I love it." He kisses you again,

"I love you Y/n."

"Love you too Kookoo."

"What are you saying?" The confusion and fear shook Jungkook's voice as he looked back and forth between Jin and the doctor he met only hours ago. None of the other members around could meet his eyes.

"What are you s-saying?" He repeated the question when no one answered him. The sound of Tae's voice cracking and his sobs starting didn't even register in Jungkook's brain. He didn't see Jimin trying to figure out who to go to, then settling on hugging Tae as if his life depended on it, seeing as Jungkook wasn't in the state to be touched.

"Please answer me." His voice was steadier than he expected. The doctor was the only one willing to look him in the eyes, "I'm sorry...but she's gone."

"Gone where?"

"What?"

"You're confusing me, please, just." Jungkook was obviously struggling, his eyes started to burn, from confusion and the frustration of not being understood.

"Jungkook-" Jin's eyes were red as he stepped forward to take his young friend's arm, but Jungkook moved back, away from Jin's reach.

"Can I please just go see her now? She needs me." Jungkook's voice broke again and he just wanted to scream, what was the matter with everyone? Why couldn't he go to you? "She needs me...."

"Jungkook, your girlfriend, she's-"

"...what?"

"She's dead, Jungkook. I'm sorr-"

"Stop it."

"Jungkook please-" Yoongi stepped up to him now, trying to take his arm, tears streaming steadily down the usually composed elder hyung's cheeks.

"Don't lie to me."

Namjoon and Hoseok were turned away, they couldn't watch anymore, their own faces were damp with tears, their eyes red and swollen.

"Jungkook, I wouldn't do that, I wish I could say it isn't true." The doctor himself was close to breaking down in tears, even though he'd seen many deaths, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to back there right no-"

Jungkook ignored him and pushed past everyone, heading straight to the room you were wheeled into a few hours ago.

The second he saw you lying on the bed, cold and motionless; his mind shut down. That wasn't you. That isn't you. It can't be. He saw you yesterday, you were in his arms yesterday. That wasn't you. He didn't know who that was, but his Y/n was fine, she was at home sleeping, she had work tomorrow. They were going to hang out tomorrow when she was done. Get ice cream and walk in the park.

You were alive. You were fine. They were all pranking him and trying to make him cry. He should call you, call you and tell on them. They were pranking him and it wasn't funny. You would scold the other members and cuddle him to make it okay again.

The sound of Hoseok sucking in a deep breath brought Jungkook back, he turned and saw the other members staring at the person in the bed. They looked sick, like they were going to cry or throw up, Jimin looked close to passing out. Jungkook shoved past them, "you're all assholes, I'm telling Y/n on you and you'll be sorry when she scolds you." Taehyung reached out for Jungkook, tears flowing freely down his face, "J-Jungkook, where are going?"

"I'm going to call Y/n, leave me alone." The boys stared after him in horror. They couldn't process everything that was happening too quickly.

Jungkook's hands shake as he dials your number, listening to the ringing. It rings again and again and again. He hangs up and tries again, after more ringing he gets sent to your voicemail; 'Hello this is Y/n, I'm sorry but I can't answer the phone right now, please leave a message. Unless you're Jungkook, in that case please call again, Kookoo! I'll answer for you.' your laugh bubbles out and then there's a beep, his voice gets caught in his throat, "Y-Y/n, it's Jungkook, please answer your phone, the boys did something horrible and I need to hear you." He tries to keep a steady voice, calling once more and getting the same message that says if it's him, to call again. So he does, again and again and again.

"JEON JUNGKOOK!"

Jungkook leapt up from your bed and sprinted to the living room after hearing your shout come from the bathroom, no way was he letting you get ahold of him now. He couldn't stop his giggles as he jumped on the couch and waited for you to get your revenge. Sure enough a few seconds later you stormed out of the hallway, eyes ablaze with fury.

"Jeon Jungkook what the hell is the matter with you??" Your hands are on your hips as you glare at the boy playing innocent in front of you.

"What do you mean Y/n?" His eyes are big and brown causing you to hesitate getting angry, curse his beautiful doe eyes.

"I'm gonna get you back Jeon." You harshly point an accusing finger at him and turn to stalk back to your room. At the sight of your wet shorts he bursts into a fit of laughter. You swing back around and glare at him again.

"Something funny?" There's no hint of amusement in your voice and he chokes back another laugh, biting his lip and shaking his head. You turn and go back down the hallway to change, "very unoriginal prank Jungkookie, very unoriginal. Just you wait. I'll get you worse than that." Yeah, plastic wrap on the toilet seat when you really had to pee was very unfunny.

"Love you babe!" He calls after you, smiling to himself, and chuckles when he hears you shout back,

"Shuddup, Kookoo."

"Shut up, you're a liar!!"

"Jungkookie, please, just listen to me." Tears streamed down Jimin's face as he held his hands out to his best friend, completely helpless.

"Get out!" Jungkook's voice broke despite the volume he was using.

"I'm not gonna leave you." Jimin's voice trembled and he sat down on the couch inside their dorm.

Jungkook clenched his fists, trying not to lash out at Jimin. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Jungkook, you need to go to the funeral. It's the least you can do." Jimin speaks up again after a few minutes. Jungkook turned on him instantly, "the least I can do? The least I can do? Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what to do?!" Jimin flinched at the words Jungkook was shouting down at him.

"Do it for her."

"Shut up."

"She loved you Jungkook."

"Stop saying that."

"I won't, because it's true."

"IT'S NOT TRUE!" Jungkook hadn't meant to scream that loud, Yoongi ran into the living room from the back when he heard the shouting.

"What's going on?" Yoongi looked back and forth between the two boys, confusion that turned into sadness written all over his face when he saw Jungkook tearing up. Jimin was the one to speak up, "he won't go to her funeral next week. He says she didn't love him." Yoongi looked back at Jungkook and saw tears spilling down the boy's face. The thoughts running around in his head were going to swallow him up.

You were selfish. How could you leave him like that? He hated you. No he didn't. He couldn't hate you no matter how hard he tried. No, he hated himself for loving you.

"Jungkook, I think you should go. At least for some closure." Yoongi said quietly and cautiously. After a minute Jungkook finally nodded, he would go. If it meant it would help him forget you.

Whenever he had a bad day, your face would pop into his mind and he'd immediately text you, asking if he could come over. You would always reply right away, and he'd smile down at the words 'of course love, please come over.' So he would.

You would end up holding him in your arms, it didn't matter that he was bigger than you, your arms would wrap around as much of him as they could hold, gently rocking him back and forth. His tears hitting your chest and bringing tears to your own eyes, when he was in pain, so were you.

You'd sit there for as long as it took, a few times you two had been in that position all night long. Sometimes you would sing to him, his favorite songs, lyrics tumbling from your lips, voice cracking beautifully in his ears. His sobs would turn to shaky breaths as he listened to the imperfectly perfect sound of your voice. Your hand stroking his hair, letting him know that you were there, you'd always be there.

You lied to me.

Those are the only thoughts that pass through his head as he stands among all the people dressed in black. A picture of you smiling is sat on top of a closed casket, your eyes seemed to be looking straight into his.

Why did you lie?

Jungkook feels someone's arm touch his, he turns and sees your mother holding onto him. Her eyes are red and swollen from all the tears she's cried in the past week, and they don't seem to be stopping anytime soon. He turns and hugs her tightly, his throat closing up at her weeping. Once she collects herself she looks up at him, "thank you Jungkook," he looks at her in confusion, "what for?" His voice is barely above a whisper and he feels his throat closing up again at her next words, "for loving my beautiful daughter. You made her happy. I don't think we'll ever know why she did it, but you're the reason she was here for so long, I do know that. She wanted to marry you." A sob escapes Jungkook's throat, "I w-was going to ask her." Your mother cries harder and holds his arm tighter, "I know, I know sweetie, thank you Jungkook, she loved you so much. Thank you."

A little while into the funeral, Jungkook starts to feel himself panic; his breaths getting shorter and shallower. You weren't here to talk him out of this panic attack. You would never be here again. The other members are all sitting stone faced, their eyes are red and a few have tears welling up again. You're never going to make Yoongi laugh again, or make Jimin blush, or tease Namjoon for being clumsy, or compliment Jin on how handsome he is, you'd never dance with Hoseok again, and who would listen to Tae talk about the most random things, with a look of pure awe and interest in what he was wanting to say? Jungkook starts to hyperventilate and when people turn and look at him he rushes out of the room and into the hallway, trying to find someplace to be alone.

The hallway is dark and he sits on the floor a ways away from where the funeral is being held. That's when the tears come; flooding down his face instantly, and his sobs wrack his entire body, he can't get a deep enough breath in to calm himself down. So he sits there and sobs helplessly for a few minutes, each breath after the next getting caught in his throat.

"God," he finally chokes out after a while, "w-why did you take her away? There was so much we were going to do together. I never even got to say goodbye," then he clasps his hands and starts crying again, "I-I'll do anything, please just give her back to me. P-please let me have her back....God, please." Jungkook sits and cries for another few minutes, saying anything he can possibly think of that he would do to have you back. For you to be alive again. So many words he wanted to say and never would. He wanted to at least know if you were doing alright, up in the sky where he knew you were. He wanted you to be alive again.

But it was too late.

The fight you two were having had been going on for a while now, and frankly you were over it. You couldn't even remember why it started. But Jungkook was clearly still angry and wanted to get the last word, "maybe you should stop being so whiny and annoying Y/n, and then I'd listen to you!" That stung. You've fought before but you never called each other anything, your eyes start to water and you grab your bag, throwing it over your shoulder and heading for the door. Jungkook rolls his eyes, "where are you going now? Why do you think running away all the time is gonna solve everything?" He sounds exasperated and like he doesn't even want to keep fighting now.

You turn back to face him, "I'm getting some fresh air, thank you very much, and I don't see why you should care since I'm so annoying and whiny." You go to open the door and he stands up, coming over to you. You can see the regret at his words in his eyes, but you can't find it in you to get over it just yet. You needed a break. He puts a hand on the door to keep you from opening it, "Y/n, you know I didn't mean that." You scoff and reach for the door handle again before he grabs your hand, "then why did you say it, Jungkook?" He just looks down and stays silent, yeah that's what you thought. You yank your hand away and open the door, "fuck you Jungkook. Leave me alone."

A few hours later you had mostly calmed down and you were at home reading a book in bed, when your doorbell rings. You get up and walk over to it reluctantly, you already know who it is before you look through the peephole, but you do so anyway and see Jungkook standing there biting his lip, just like you knew he would be.

You open the door and he looks at you hopefully, so you open the door wider to let him in. He immediately wraps his arms around you in a tight hug and you can't help but to hug him back, you knew he was sorry and you were tired of being angry. You talk it out and he apologizes for everything he said, you apologise for the things you said too. Eventually you end up watching a movie and cuddling after talking through it all. He kisses the top of your head and you smile, grateful that you two could always work things out. You mess with the little silver ring on your finger, smiling and remembering how he won the matching pair for you both.

"Jungkook, maybe you should take a break." Jimin wipes the sweat off his forehead and walks to his bent over friend slowly, putting his hand on his back and rubbing it, "look, we have a while to learn it, please just rest Kook-" Jungkook jerks away roughly, "please don't call me that." His voice was different, heavier and without a lot of feeling, it had been like this for almost a year now. Jimin looks hurt but says nothing more. They all saw a difference in Jungkook since you passed away, they would hear him crying in his room every night, they wouldn't miss the tears that choked him during certain songs they performed. There was an emptiness around them all, and they weren't sure it would ever be filled again.

Tae walks over when he sees the scene unfolding, he looks at Jungkook and tries not to look upset for his best friend, knowing it would just make things worse, "alright guys, we're all going to take a ten minute break...Jungkook can we talk please?" Jungkook huffed but agreed, moving over to sit on the couch on the side of the dance room. The other members walked out of the room to give them some privacy.

"Look, Jungkook. I'm not going to try to say anything much, but I do want to say this. Y/n loved you, she was hurt and couldn't tell anyone. It isn't your fault, Jungkook. No one saw it coming."

"I should have."

"Don't say that."

"It's true though, what kind of boyfriend was I that I didn't even see the signs? That she felt like she had to hide it from me? I-it's all my fault." Jungkook's eyes start to water and his breathing starts to get quicker and shaky, a panic attack was coming on. Tae swallows his tears and reaches over to put a hand on Jungkook's leg, bringing him back. Tae swallows hard and trudges on,

"It wasn't your fault. But, I think you need to seriously think it all through, and then let go."

"I don't want to let go."

"Why not?"

"Because no matter how hard I try and say I want to, I don't want to forget about her."

"You don't have to forget about her Ko-...Jungkook...But I think she wants you to keep living without her now, she would be sad to see you like this."

"Then maybe she shouldn't have been so selfish and decide to leave me alone."

"You don't mean that." Tae can't keep his shaky tear stained voice under control and he turns away to wipe his eyes.

Of course he didn't mean it, but being angry seemed to make it hurt less. Maybe he should try, like Tae said, maybe he could try to keep you in his heart while continuing to live.

Like you would want, and he always wanted to make you happy.

"Hey, Y/n. What about this one?" Jungkook tugs you over to the huge ride, the kind that swoops around in a giant loop. Your stomach drops to your feet but he looks so excited; bouncing up and down with his big doe eyes shining brightly.

Well, at least you hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe you could do it once before lunch and get it over with. He lets out a shout of excitement when you nod and then he pulls you over to the line of people waiting to get on the ride. As you wait for your turn you tap your foot anxiously, Jungkook notices and wraps his arms around your waist. You smile and he lays his chin on your shoulder, "love you baby~" you tsk and bring your hand up to pat his cheek gently, "love you too, I hope you know that since I'm doing this for you." He chuckles and holds you tighter.

After the ride, which wasn't as bad as you thought–having held Jungkook's hand tightly the entire time–you two find a table to get some lunch. You order and try to ignore Jungkook's teasing about how hard you held his hand and how he thought it would fall off. He keeps laughing as you roll your eyes playfully and avoid looking at him.

When the food comes, you both start to eat, then you notice a little girl and her older brother ordering some ice cream at one of the many food stalls in the fair, a few feet away. Jungkook turns to see what you're smiling at and smiles widely himself as he turns back to you. "I bet that's what our kids will do someday, Y/n...We should take them here, right?" You look at Jungkook happily and nod, you couldn't wait for that day to come.

Later that day, you and Jungkook stopped at the claw machines, Jungkook insisted on trying to get you a stuffed animal. After about ten tries he frustratedly walked away, you tried not to laugh at him walking away only for him to see another machine and say he actually wanted to get you that; which was a little egg with two silver rings in it. One for you and one for him, he said.

Miraculously he was able to get the little egg and he cheered loudly in triumph, reaching down to get it out of the machine and quickly telling you to put the smaller one on. It was cute, and Jungkook's matched.

Later you ended up getting the engraving, 'forever and always' on it.

Jungkook's eyes open slowly, the sun shining in through the window, signalling to him that it was time to get up now. He closes his eyes again and turns onto his side, pulling the covers up to his chin and taking a shaky breath. He tries his best to conjure up the dream he just woke up from, he didn't want to leave. Please come back. His eyes start to burn and tiny tears pour over his lashes when he blinks.

His alarm goes off a minute later but he just ignores it, the insistent beeping drowned out in his thoughts, he can't escape. When he opens his eyes again he sees you lying beside him. He blinks but you're still there.

"Hi Kookoo."

"Y/n?" His voice shakes uncontrollably as he tries to make sure he isn't dreaming.

Your eyes fill with tears and you nod, "yes Kookie, it's me."

"H-how...are you still alive? Y/n are you actually alive?" His voice starts to raise in hopes that maybe this had all been a nightmare. A horrible horrible nightmare. He starts to sit up on his arms but his face falls and his heart crumples when you shake your head, tears slipping out and rolling down your soft cheeks. Your face looks so soft and healthy, not at all what it looked like the last time he saw you.

"I'm sorry Kook, I'm so sorry." Your voice cracks and wavers as you start to cry. He reaches out and touches your wet cheeks, slowly rubbing the tears away and at the same time doing the one thing that he knew always calmed you down.

"Shhh, it's okay love. Don't cry please." He didn't care if this was a dream, you were here. His beautiful Y/n had finally come back to him. He wipes your tears gently, after he wipes them all away he keeps his hand on your cheek, softly rubbing with his thumb.

"Jungkook, I need to say something."

He looks at you and feels his tears returning, he nods and says slowly as if just realizing something, "that's why you're here isn't it? That's why you came back." You close your eyes and take a deep breath, then nod while you bite your lip, trying your very hardest not to throw yourself into his arms and cry.

"Y-yes, Kookie I need you to-"

"Don't."

"What?" You open your eyes again and see the desperation in his face as he seems to be having a battle with himself, "don't tell me, please. Y/n please don't leave me again." He starts to cry and your heart is torn to pieces, he reaches out to you and you push yourself into his arms.

Jungkook's mind is racing a mile a minute. You were in his arms, you were alive and in his arms. He hadn't felt your warmth for over a year and a half now. Jungkook buries his face into your hair and inhales deeply, memories flooding back into his mind. "Y/n, are you okay? Please tell me you're doing okay." He feels your tears wetting his t-shirt and he holds you tighter, listening carefully when you start talking again–voice muffled by his shoulder, "I'm alright Kookie I promise, but I miss you...I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize the effect it would have until it was too late." Jungkook's breath catches in his throat at your words. He leans back and brushes your damp hair out of your face, "how long do I have?" He whispers sadly, tears threatening to choke him once again.

The walk. The walk in between the cherry blossom trees all that time ago when he confessed, that's where you went.

You walk side by side, holding hands, eventually you stop and turn to Jungkook. He focuses on you even though all he wants to do is turn away and cry. You smile at him and squeeze his hand, "Jungkook," he blinks hard and nods in affirmation that he's listening. "Jungkook, I don't have a lot of time. But I need you to promise me something." He nods again and you continue, "w-when I leave, I'm not coming back," you ignore the tears streaming down your face, "I need you to promise me that when I let go of your hand, you won't look back." Jungkook takes in a shuddery breath, "I'm sorry Y/n, that I didn't see, I couldn't save you. I don't know if I ca-" you cut him off before he can finish. "You can, and none of it was your fault Kookie, it isn't your fault. If I could take back what I did," he shakes his head tears already slipping out again, but you continue, "I would take it all back. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I hurt you in the process. I ruined the future we were going to have one day." You're full on crying now as he cries next to you, his shoulders shaking, "and I want you to know how sorry I am." He pulls you into a hug and cries into your shoulder, his breath comes out in heavy gasps, "I forgive you Y/n, I forgive you, I love you so much." He keeps repeating those words while you hold each other for another minute, just crying. Tears of sadness and relief that he forgave you spill out of your eyes and you clutch onto him.

You two go to a ton of different spots that you had dates, stopping to get ice cream, to fulfill the promise you broke the day you died. Eventually you end up at the fair, standing in front of a claw machine that was full of random items, one of them being a small egg that contained two rings. You stare at the machine for a minute before turning to the young man that you loved. He was staring at you, one hand in his pocket fiddling with something, you look at him curiously and he looks down, pulling his hand out and opening it, to reveal a small ring with a chain around it, your ring.

"Jungkook, you still have that?" You refuse to cry again, but you see his eyes well up with tears. You hated that he cried so much nowadays, and hated more the fact that it was you who caused it.

"Of course, we made a promise Y/n, 'forever and always', remember?" You nod tearfully not caring about your stupid 'no crying' rule anymore, and he wipes your eyes gently.

"I'm scared Y/n, I don't want you to leave me again." His voice trembles and he doesn't try to stop the tears. You hug him tightly, letting your own tears escape for the last time, "I'll be with you Kookoo, forever and always. But I have to go know, please keep your promise?" He nods as he hugs you against him, then he pulls back and kisses you quickly before he starts to cry harder. Jungkook hugs you one last time, enveloping you in his big strong arms, the last time either of you would feel each other.

The regret and anger with yourself is overwhelming you, but Jungkook hugs it all away. In a tight warm promise that he's forgiven you and he will keep his last promise to you.

You both pull away and that's when you turn, giving his hand one last squeeze before you walk a few feet, "goodbye Jungkook," you whisper your last words to him, he swallows hard, "goodbye Y/n, I love you." With those words in your ears you walk away and disappear.

Jungkook lets out one last sob and puts the necklace with your ring on it around his neck. He got to say his goodbye. He would never forget you, he didn't want to. But, he forgave you and he would live on with your memory in him. He kept in his heart what he knew; that someday, he would see you again. When you meet in the clouds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n 2.0: I can't stop sobbing rn. Somebody help me. I'm so sorry for this, but I hope this shows you that there is always another way, but when it's over, it's over. You can't come back. More people than you know will miss you. The future is unknown. So please stay.

420 notes · View notes