#don’t think this means i don’t like hbw! hbw is my EVERYTHING!

[makeupinthedrawer]

niall album ranking/the show ranking? 🤲🏾

the show>>>>>>>>>>flicker>hbw

the show ranking:

never grow up > heaven > if you leave me > you could start a cult > science > on a night like tonight > save my life > the show > meltdown > must be love

[thechampagnelovers]

Hi!! Who did Niall sing Flicker to 👀 what is this about they/them pronouns 👀 what is this about him crying 👀

In a livestream back a year ago when the pandemic started (can’t remember specifically when, but I can look it up rn) he said that he sang the song to them —to the person it’s the song about— and that they both cried but he never said who they are and used they/them pronouns to refer to them, so all completely mysterious and private.

Flicker is just his song yk, in the shows he always asks for the venue to go silent so you can only hear his voice, it’s super intimate and warm and personal. I swear when he sang flicker in my show I completely forgot about the rest of the people around me because that’s the whole point of the song, so it makes sense he never revealed who is it about (although he never says who are the songs about, in that sense it’s exactly what Taylor swift does —we can all guess based on what we publicly know about them but none of them ever say if it’s about certain people or not). Niall insists on this anonymous part of his songs because —according to him— it allows you to make the song your own, so instead of thinking “oh he wrote this song about such and such” you can just dive full into the meaning of it, and the feelings it carries along and make it personal to you. But ofc, Niall is VERY private about everything and never saying who are his songs about keeps that privacy he’s very protective of. Like, we all know hbw is about hailee even tho he never said it and never will, but we have no fucking idea who’s flicker for and it’s so far his best kept secret.

*EDIT: when I say he used they/them pronouns to keep it private it’s because he publicly only dated women who use she/her pronouns and most of his songs when he uses pronouns he says she/her, so the fact that he uses they/them when referring to flicker can mean a variety of things we don’t know because we have no clue who is it about !!! We don’t know if they/them are the pronouns this person uses on a daily basis or if Niall just doesn’t want to say if it’s a she or a he (because !!!! IT COULD BE ABOUT A HE YK !!!! and this is why I believe Niall is bisexual he just keeps giving me proofs lmao)

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 9 | The Jumpsuit, Falling & (more) Ripped Trousers | 6.1k words

Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Masterlist

a/n: I hope y’all are doing what you need to during this crazy time. All the love to you all !!! 💕also...a little bit of niall in this part... go stream HBW !!! 

The loud knock on the door causes Harry and Aurora to jump and scramble to sit up on the couch. 

“Heard there’s a curly headed boy in here!” 

A once blonde, now brunette head pops into the doorway. If the irish accent wasn’t enough to give away who it was, his face surely does. Aurora messes with her hair and Harry wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, trying their best to compose themselves. They had made their way back to Harry’s dressing room from the empty arena before Harry was to be pulled away for training, soundcheck and all the usual pre show prep. One thing led to another and the episode of Friends Aurora had pressed play on was long forgotten. 

“Niall!” Harry exclaims, jumping off the couch. He hugs his old friend as Aurora is frozen on the couch. Harry hadn’t even mentioned the possibility of Niall coming to the show tonight. It didn’t even cross Aurora’s mind that in Dublin (duh), that Niall might be in attendance. A deer in headlights describes Aurora best at this moment. “Haven’t seen ‘ur hair this messy in ages! Who do you have here with you?” Niall jokes, his laugh filling the space. When Harry steps out of the doorway to invite Niall in, he fixes his hair and Niall’s laughter stops. Niall lets out a surprised “Oh,” with a small laugh. 

“Uh, Niall, this is Ror- uh, Aurora,” he corrects himself, a dopey smile forming on his face.

“Lovely to meet you, Aurora,” Niall offers a hand out to her. 

“Wasn’t how I was intending to introduce the 2 of you, but here we are,” Harry adds. 

“Uh, great to meet you as well, Niall,” Aurora says as she stands up. She shakes his hand. “Harry, you could’ve said he was coming,” Aurora comments directly to Harry. 

“It wasn’t for sure yet and I kind of wanted it to be a surprise,” Harry tells Aurora. 

“A surprise?” Niall questions. “For Aurora?” He continues to question as he gestures to Aurora, a small look of confusion on his face. 

“Ugg,” Aurora groans, to no one in particular, “Harry, please don’t.” 

“Hey, if you’re going to rub in my face that you were once a ‘Niall girl’,” he uses air quotes to pester her more, “then I’m going to have some fun with it.” Niall’s laugh echoes off the walls of the dressing room. 

“I’m gonna need more of a story behind this,” Niall says through bouts of laughter. 

Aurora groans again, rolling her eyes at Harry before turning back to Niall. “Wish we could've had this conversation over some drinks, but here we are.” 

“We could get drinks right now, I know where the bar is,” Niall adds. 

“I’m technically working… so drinking is a no,” 

“But making out on the couch is fine?” Harry asks through a chuckle, Niall’s laugh joins in. 

“Oh god, the 2 of you together is really gonna be like this huh?” 

“Like what?” Harry asks. 

“You 2 picking on me and just overall, chaotic.” The 2 former bandmates shrug their shoulders when they make eye contact. 

“Anyways,” Niall circles back to the original request, “I need the story. Correct me if I’m wrong, but did Harry say ‘Niall girl’?” 

“He sure did. I made the mistake to share that I once had One Direction posters on my wall growing up. Definitely pumped Harry’s ego a bit and I had to bring it down by informing him that I was a quote unquote a Niall Girl back then.” Aurora sighs and then laughs at the face Niall is making at Harry. “Ni, you don’t have a chance anymore, so stop even entertaining the thought in your head,” Harry says as he tosses an arm around Aurora’s shoulders. 

“How much does it kill you that she had posters of me in her room?” Niall asks Harry. 

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Harry states with a straight face. 

“Can we not talk about any of this anymore?” Aurora questions, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment still. Both Harry and Niall’s laughter fill the room once again and Aurora can’t help but smile at the 2 old friends. 

Harry ushers them both to the empty couch and chairs to sit back down. Niall opts for the chair after grabbing a sparkling water from the fridge under the vanity counter. Niall seems carefree and comfortable. Harry doesn’t talk much about being in the band or the other guys much. It’s not that he avoids it at all costs. If it comes up he’ll talk but he doesn’t volunteer the conversation himself. Aurora does know that he keeps in touch with Niall the most. She had caught him giggling at something on his phone recently and when she asked what it was all he said was that Niall sent him a joke. 

“I’ve seen the suits you’ve got our boy Harold in, they’re incredible, really,” Niall comments to Aurora. 

“Oh, yeah, I only helped pick some of them out, thanks though,” Aurora says shyly. 

“Don’t do that,” Harry interrupts. “You’ve done more than that.” Aurora only blushes slightly and shakes her head. 

“Getting him in clothes is the hardest part, honestly,” Niall comments. 

“Why does everyone say that?” Aurora questions. “Gemma made the same comment and Lambert alluded to it as well.” 

“Harry over here was barely dressed half the time and would put up a fight when he was told to put pants or a shirt on for anything. Quite a show off back in the day,” Niall shares. 

Aurora laughs, “Well, I haven’t had much trouble.” 

“Think there’s something more in it for him when he listens,” Niall says. 

Harry rolls his eyes at Niall. An alarm rings from Harry’s phone. 

“I’ve gotta head to sound check, wanna come with, Ni?” Harry asks as he stands up. Niall agrees to join and the 2 boys stand up to leave.

“Have a good sound check,” Aurora says before pressing a kiss to his lips quickly. “Niall, seriously it was great meeting you. I’m assuming you’re staying for the show?” He nods, “Great, I’ll see you later then.” 

“Great to meet you too. See you later, Aurora,” Niall says, his blue eyes bright and his irish accent strong. 

| | | | |

Harry’s dressing room becomes a common room tonight and by the time Harry has to get ready, his whole band is in here. Niall’s tagged along with Harry since he got here earlier and Aurora has enjoyed the commotion for once. Niall is sharing a story about one of the many shows they had done together when Aurora finishes prepping Harry’s jumpsuit for the show. She joins Sarah on the couch while waiting for Harry to be done with Ayae. 

“He falls flat on his arse,” Niall continues telling the story. “In front of a sold out arena. No idea what he even tripped on or anything, to this day.” 

“Hey!” Harry interrupts. “There was a loose flap on the stage!” He defends. 

“Buddy, I really don’t think there was, but keep telling people that if it makes you feel better.” Harry rolls his eyes at Niall. 

“Ror, I’m ready!” Harry says as he walks towards the wardrobe cases. Aurora gets off the couch to help get him into the jumpsuit. 

“Hey, Mully just messaged saying he was here,” Niall says to Harry. “I’m gonna go find him.” Harry and Niall hug for a moment, a few pats on the back, Niall wishing him good luck. Aurora smiles at the two. No love was lost between them. Though Aurora doesn’t know everything about what that time was like, she's grateful that behind all the rumors and drama Harry and Niall still get along like they did when they first met on the X Factor. She’s most grateful for the fact that Harry has someone who understands it all. Someone who can relate to him and someone to share those memories with. She’s supportive and understands what she can but she wasn’t there. 

Harry’s band, Ayae and Helene follow Niall out the door leaving Aurora and Harry alone, just as it happens every night. 

“Okay, here ya go,” Aurora says as she hands off the jump suit to Harry. He steps into the jumpsuit and pulls the sleeves up on his shoulders. He lets out a grunt when he goes to button it close. “What?” Aurora asks with a look of worry on her face. 

“Uhm, fits a bit tighter than it did last,” Harry says slowly. 

“Oh no…. Can you close it?” 

“I mean, yeah, I think it’ll be fine, just not as roomy as it was for the Late Late Show.” Harry fastens the buttons up the front and adjusts the fabric in a few spots before he looks up to Aurora. 

“Turn around for me,” she directs to inspect that it’s still okay to perform in. As he turns around Aurora’s jaw drops, “Oh.” The jumpsuit certainly fits tighter than it did last. “Uh, is it comfortable?” She stutters out. 

“Uh yeah,” Harry moves around a bit. “Does it look okay?” 

“Honest?” 

“Well, yeah,” Harry says, slightly confused.

“So uh, it definitely fits tighter… but it looks really good.” It’s all that Aurora can say. Her brain actually cannot form anymore full sentences. It’s not that the jump suit looked bad when he wore it for the Kiwi performance on the Late Late Show almost a year ago, it’s just that it looks better than it did. Harry turns to Aurora to try to figure out what she’s thinking. 

“What?” Harry asks when Aurora’s face is unreadable. He chuckles a little when her cheeks turn a light shade of pink under his gaze. 

“Well your ass looks great.”

“Rory!” Harry yells, almost startled by the comment coming from her. 

“What?! It’s the truth!” She says with a short laugh. “Let’s just say all those training sessions are doing their job.” Harry shakes his head, a small huff coming out of his mouth before a dimple inducing smile covers his face. He’s drawn towards Aurora and the look in her eyes. He can’t put his finger on it. When he gets his hands around her waist, instinctively he pulls her as close as she can get to him. Her hands grab on his shoulders and then slide down to his biceps. She lets out a small giggle as Harry presses his face into her neck, his lips landing on the soft skin below her ear. Aurora moves her hands to his chest to push him away from her to get him to stop tickling her neck with the soft touch of his lips. Pressing up to her toes, she kisses him square on the lips quickly before she pulls away from his hold. “Just don’t stop training.”

She pretends like nothing has happened and goes to grab Harry’s socks and shoes. She openly watches him as he puts them on. She follows him into the large, echoey bathroom as she always does. Hopping onto the counter she watches as he goes through his routine. 

“So what’d you think of Niall?” Harry asks curiously, his face reads a hint of caution but also approval. Being the one member he has stayed in contact with the most, he’s hoping she likes him as much as he does. He’s also nervous. He’d be lying if he said the image of Aurora’s childhood bedroom with Niall’s face plastered on the walls wasn’t haunting his mind. 

Aurora can see his brain churning as he asks the question and she smiles a little at the almost nervous look that is now on his face. “Crazy to meet him if I’m honest,” she shrugs. She sees Harry take a deep breath, his shoulders rising but not falling when he breathes out a shallow breath. “I’m glad you’ve kept in contact with him.” Aurora’s trying to direct the conversation to be about Niall and Harry not Niall and Aurora. She can tell he’s thinking too much. “Harry?” He hums at her as he finishes brushing his teeth. “You know, even though I had posters of Niall on my walls, I did take them down a long time ago. My mom found them in the back of my closet and they were there for a reason.” She sighs. He thinks too much and there’s reasons he thinks too much. She just doesn’t know why yet, but that conversation is for another day. “Babe,” at the pet name, Harry looks at her, “Niall wasn’t the one who took care of me when I burned my arm with a steamer. He doesn’t bring me coffee exactly how I like it or flirt with me by getting me new sneakers,” she laughs lightly. “He doesn’t make me laugh on a daily basis or know exactly when I could use a hug.” Now Aurora has hopped off the counter and is standing next to Harry, looking at him in the mirror. “He’s not you. He never will be no matter what. I may have had posters of him on my walls 4 years ago but that doesn’t matter anymore.” Aurora turns to face Harry and he follows her movement so they’re face to face now. She tucks a rogue curl back into place before continuing. “You’re all that matters, okay? I’m here, with you, yeah? Please stop thinking so much,” she pleads. Harry nods minutely. A small smile appears on his face, the cliche twinkle is back in his eye and he uses one hand to pull Aurora’s face to his, kissing her softly. 

“You know I get in my head a lot,” Harry says quietly when they pull apart from each other. Aurora offers a small smile and sighs at him. 

“I know, but you need to talk to me about it. Tell me when something isn’t sitting right, tell me anything. I can read you pretty well but I can only do so much.” 

“Promise I’ll work on it as long as you promise me you’re a Harry girl now,” he mocks. Aurora groans as she pulls away from his hold.

“You know, you’re really good at ruining the moment?” She jokes as she walks back to the main part of the dressing room. 

“You can’t deny you don’t adore it!” Harry yells back. She laughs and it echoes through both rooms and it makes Harry smile. 

Aurora turns around when she hears him walk back through the door. There’s still a ghost of a smile on his face when he looks at her. She huffs, unable to form a thought when she goes to give the last look on his jumpsuit.

“What?” Harry questions, a sparkle in his eye. 

“Nothing,” she brushes her thoughts away. Harry raises an eyebrow at her in question. “You look really good,” she admits with a shrug before turning away from him. She starts to pick up a few things to put away but Harry is quick to grab her waist and turn her around. She only sees the smile that’s covered his face for a moment before his lips are on hers. 

| | | | |

Everyone has been spending the extra days off at the hotel’s private pool. They nap and read and just enjoy the time off. Harry and Aurora are sitting on a cushion covered wooden sectional that sits in the corner of the pool area covered by large yellow and white umbrellas. Regardless of the heat, Aurora snuggled into Harry’s side, his feet crossed at the ankle, propped up on the bench in front of them and his arm around her shoulders. He has one of his woven fedoras on and sunglasses covering his eyes. Aurora traces over the butterfly tattoo on his stomach, idly as he hums and rests his head on top of hers. 

“This is nice,” he repeats for the hundredth time this afternoon. Aurora giggles in response. Harry turns his head and places a soft kiss to her hair. Harry starts humming again. 

“Is that a new one?” Aurora asks. 

“Ahhh not yet, just a little melody that’s been stuck in my head.” 

“Are you writing for the next album?” She asks as she reaches for his cross necklace. Aurora fiddles with it between her thumb and pointer finger. 

“Not purposefully. I’ll write whatever comes to me or record a voice note or something so I can use it later if I want. But not really thinking about the next album yet. I want to enjoy the tour and the first album more before I get into the next ” he shares, looking down at her. 

“That makes sense. It seemed like it was always a quick turnaround for the band. Must be nice to enjoy it all and not have to think about the next thing when you’ve just started the first thing. ” She drops the necklace and her hand slides up the side of his neck and stops at his jawline. Aurora’s fingers trace lightly over the harshness of it.

“Yeah it’s been nice, more enjoyable” he smiles down at her. “Not that it wasn’t enjoyable-” 

“Don’t have to explain yourself, I understand what you’re saying.” Aurora’s fingers don’t leave his jawline, only grip it harder to bring his face down to hers. His breath fans out across her face before his lips land on hers. She smiles when he pulls away for a brief moment. He mirrors her smile before going in to kiss her again. Between their smiles and the small giggles coming from both of them, they barely can connect their lips. 

It’s when they’re laying in the same spot later, cold margaritas on the table nearby, the sun setting off in the distance when Aurora gets a glimpse of Harry that makes her heart swell. His face is soft as he enjoys the view. A tint of red covers the top of his cheeks and nose, the sun having made a mark. Everything feels so normal, so mundane. Three full days spent in the Australian sun has only made Aurora’s heart grow fonder of the curly headed boy that she’s tucked into. With nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company, laugh with their friends and soak up the sun, she’s had a lot of time to think about everything. She’s thought about how thankful she is that this is her life, that while working, this is the break she gets to take, that her job is to dress the man she’s falling in love with. She’s thought about that last part a lot. She’s not sure she’s falling in love with him so much as already fallen in love with him. She’s there. She fell and she fell hard and she’s there. She’s fallen so hard that a small glimpse of him in the light of the sunset is enough to make her want to give her whole self to him. 

Aurora thinks about it the whole way back to the hotel room. Harry even asks why she’s so quiet. When she responds with “just thinking” he doesn’t stop the questioning there. 

“Ror,” he whispers. 

“What? You’re the only one who can think too much?” Aurora jokes as they walk into the elevator.

Harry sighs as a small smile ghosts his face, “what’re you thinking about, love?” 

“Uhm, can I tell you once I’ve figured it out?” 

Harry angles his body towards her so he can see her face completely. He pulls her closer to him with the hand that is at her waist. He kisses the top of her cheek then her temple. “Sure,” he says quietly, “just don’t go making up stories in that pretty little head of yours, okay?” Aurora nods. 

Once they get back to the hotel room both of them take their turns to shower and get ready for bed. Aurora’s sitting on the bed, Harry’s rolling stone tshirt on and scrolling through her phone when Harry walks out of the bathroom. 

“Did you call your mum?” he asks. Aurora mentioned that she wanted to when he hopped into the shower. 

“Mom was asleep, but I called Leila,” Aurora explains. 

“How is your sister?” He asks as he wrings out his hair with the towel one last time, tossing it back in the bathroom. 

“Good…” she answers broadly, not totally focused on the conversation. 

“Ror, you’re still thinking hard about something.” 

“Yeah, no, I know. Promise I’m fine. Leila helped a bit.” Harry gives her a questioning look as he sits down on the bed with her. “I’m still trying to work it out in my head, okay?” He nods slowly at her. “We’re fine. I promise we are. Nothing to worry about,” she explains as she reaches for him. She’s endeared by the caring look in his eyes. He looks rested and calm and his skin has tanned a bit.

She pulls him into her rather than finding her spot tucked into his side. His hair is still damp and she knows if she touches it too much it’ll go all frizzy. So instead, she smoothes it down so it doesn’t tickle her neck too much. He willingly wraps his arms around her torso, his legs automatically finding her bare ones underneath the sheets and weaving with them. Subconsciously she starts to trace the ink that litters his arm. 

“Ready for the show tomorrow?” Aurora asks after some silence. 

“Yeah,” he answers slowly. 

“Is it hard to go back to touringn after a small break?” She asks, curious. She always hated going back to school or work after long weekends or short trips. His job is different but it’s work, all the same. 

“Uhm, it normally is a bit hard yeah, but feels a bit different now, this time.” 

“What’d you mean by that?” 

“It’s all a bit different now, used to be such a routine, go home for a few days or family and friends would come to me when I had a few days. It was always so hard when they left and I had to get back to work. Not that-”

“Not that you didn’t enjoy it,” Aurora finishes for him. 

“I say that a lot, huh?” 

“Don’t need to explain it to me, remember? I understand.” Harry sighs at Aurora’s words and lets his hand that's sitting on her hip find the hem of his t-shirt she’s wearing and slid underneath. He gives the skin at her hip a light squeeze before he lets the heat from his hand radiate on the skin there and rub circles into her flesh haphazardly. 

“Right, well it was hard then cause I’d have to say goodbye and it was always for an unknown amount of time. I should’ve been going back to work well rested but I would stay up for hours in the night dreading having to leave or them leaving me.” Harry stops his movements and wraps his arms around Aurora tighter, his face burying itself in Aurora’s neck and breathing in the smell of her shampoo. He pulls his head away only for a moment to share the rest of his explanation. “But it’s different now because it’s my tour and it isn’t how it used to be and I’ve got you with me. And as long as you’re not planning on going anywhere I don't’ have to dread going back to work cause you’ll be there too.” 

| | | | |

Aurora decides to watch from the mix tonight in Melbourne and by the time Harry makes his way to the Bstage she doesn’t regret the choice at all. Harry can spot her any night, but tonight is different. He catches a glimpse of her as he walks up the metal stairs, Mitch following not far behind. She still has on the black and white floral jacket. The one he wore years ago. The one he gave her, while sitting on the very stage he’s walking up. Only the stage was in an arena in a different continent. His smile mocked the glimmer of the gold foil on his suit and shined right up until the moment he focused on the next song. 

“One, two, three, four,” he almost whispers into the mic. Mitch starts to play the guitar and Aurora’s heart swells when Harry starts singing ‘Sweet Creature.’ 

If anyone would ask Aurora what her favourite song of Harry’s is she’d probably end up listing the whole album. Right now though, her favourite is ‘Sweet Creature.’ If it were actually possible, his vocals would melt her heart into nothing. There’s something about it stripped down like this, it’s the most similar to how he sings when he’s on his own, when he’s with Aurora. It's the most similar to how he sounds when he’s in the shower or when he’s getting ready in the mornings. He’ll sing his current and old favourites and sometimes mess around with the melody of some of his own. 

“You will bring me home,” he belts. “Sweet creature, sweet creature, when I run out of road,” he sings with his eyes closed, full heart and soul poured into each note. He lets the audience sing the next line. As Mitch’s guitar fills the speakers on its own and the audience screams louder, Aurora can tell Harry is trying to avoid turning in her direction but he can’t fight it. He turns his head to where she’s standing. She watches as his jaw softens. His eyes search the small section he knows Aurora’s standing in. When he finds her, a smile appears on his face. A dimple and the crinkles at his eyes follow the turn of his lips. His eyes twinkle. Maybe from the lights. Maybe it’s the result of the emotion of the song. Maybe it’s because he’s just seen the girl he’s in love with, singing along to his own song, in his old jacket with a look on her face that could be described as nothing short of absolute adoration. 

He doesn’t linger long. He knows that he can’t stare at her from the stage forever and his cue is coming soon for the last line of the song. 

“You will bring me home,” his voice sounds through the speakers, deep and clear. It rattles Aurora’s chest a bit. 

Harry thanks Mitch and grabs his own guitar, now solo on the small stage. Even though Aurora can’t pick one favourite from Harry’s album she could give you at least her top 5 favourite One Direction songs. ‘If I Could Fly’ is without a doubt in the top 5. Aurora does think Harry’s version on his own is the best version of it. Every night she’s thoroughly entertained when Harry tries to quiet the audience before he asks them to sing the chorus for him. She can’t help but take on the smile that appears on his face when the entire audience is singing, in unison, the song he poured his heart into years ago. 

As the song comes to an end and the opening of ‘Anna’ begins, Aurora’s eyes follow Harry as he walks down the stairs and back up the path that is littered with flowers and sparkles and signs and fans yelling his name. She sees the pile of flowers that sit on top of a crate at the edge of the mix near the bstage stairs and smiles. She can’t help but think how lucky she is to be standing here, wearing the Gucci jacket of dreams, getting to dress the rockstar that has just tossed his planet painted guitar over his chest and falling in love with him all at the same time. 

| | | | |

The golden Calvin Klein suit is the last Aurora can take, she thinks. He screams sunshine in this. Just like that day in Amsterdam - so many things go back to that day in Amsterdam - the bright golden colour of the suit has the same effect that the yellow t-shirt did. 

Aurora's tucked up in the corner of the couch in Harry’s dressing room. Harry is sitting in the chair in front of the vanity mirror, Ayae fixing his curls after Harry messed them up a few minutes ago. She can’t stop catching his eyes in the mirror and they both laugh quietly each time. When his hair is back in place and Harry thanks Ayae, he walks to where Aurora is on the couch. He raises an eyebrow up at her. 

“You know,” Aurora starts, “there’s this thing,” she laughs nervously. “I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s gonna sound crazy, but you’re-you’re like,” she pauses before continuing, “sunshine. My own personal sunshine.” Harry tries to hide a smile as he places his hand on top of Aurora’s that is resting on her knee. He bends down and presses a kiss to the top of Aurora’s head. 

“Don’t sound crazy to me, love. If I look like sunshine to you, then I'm your sunshine.” 

Aurora pulls her hand out from underneath Harry's and grabs his face with both of them. She locks eyes with him for a short moment before pulling him down for a kiss. 

| | | | |

Aurora and Helene are laughing while looking through the photos Helene took during the show tonight in Sydney. Some of the photos of Harry are quite entertaining to say the least. 

“This one!” Aurora yells when Helene clicks to the next photo. “You have to post this one.” Helene laughs at Aurora’s eagerness. “It’s perfect.” 

“Oh is it?” Helene pesters. 

“His hair looks incredible. The lighting is perfect,” Aurora compliments. “And- and,” she stutters out, “he looks like sunshine.” 

“You’re really in love with him, huh?” Helene asks with a newly serious tone. Aurora smiles at her before sighing. 

“I mean, yeah,” she shrugs as if it’s not that scary. As if being in love with the world's biggest pop star isn’t something to be scared of. Like it’s not this terrifying idea, cause it’s not. At least not right at this moment. 

He’s her sunshine and she’s in love. 

| | | | |

“Do not tell me that was the sound of something ripping!” Aurora yells from across the large backstage space in Brisbane. She doesn’t dare to turn around to see the chaos that is happening surrounding the ping pong tables. She takes a deep breath as silence fills the room. Silence apart from Harry's laugh, that is. 

“Oh, Rory,” Harry calls through fits of laughter. 

When Aurora turns around her jaw drops and she has to force herself to take a deep breath so she doesn’t yell. 

“15 minutes!” calls the stage manager. Aurora’s heart sinks before it starts to beat rapidly. 

“Fucking hell,” she whispers to herself. “Take them off, I gotta fix ‘em,” she tells Harry as she reaches into her bag to find a needle and black thread. 

“I’ll just put a different pair on. It’s fine,” Harry says as he walks towards Aurora. 

“It’s not fine Harry. I’d have to steam another pair of pants, which will take more time than we have and anyways, we don’t have any other options. We only packed what was needed for the Australia shows.” Aurora is frustrated. 15 minutes before the show? Really?

“Oh,” is all Harry lets out as he slips out of the ripped pants. 

“You just had to be doing trick shots right before the show, huh?” Aurora half laughs, half scolds as she sits down to stitch the rip up the inside of the leg of his pants. 

“Sorry, Ror,” he offers as he begins to watch her get to work but his name is called back at the ping pong tables and he runs back to his game. 

“Should probably put your shirt and jacket on at least!” Aurora calls after him, not looking up. “Won’t have a minute to spare once they're finished!” She doesn’t look up, too focused on the work at hand. It’s not till she hears the band and stage crew cheer not 2 minutes later that she looks up. 

Harry’s standing at one end of the ping pong table with only his boxers and tall black socks on, a look of pride covering his face. The paddle outstretched in one hand and he’s taking in the cheers as he does on stage. 

Now Aurora’s angry. Here she is doing her job, trying to fix the pants Harry has ripped almost the entire length of while Harry is off, still playing around, now 10 minutes till the show is supposed to begin. 

“Rory!” he sings. “How’s my girl doing over here?�� 

“Not your girl right now,” she says shortly. She doesn’t look up to him. She just keeps focusing on weaving the thread in and out of the black fabric. She does see his feet stop in its place, just at the edge of her range of sight. Backstage begins to quiet down a bit. 

Harry’s band gathers at the stage door ready to go when they're told to do so. There’s murmurs from the stage crew as they get everything ready. Aurora takes a deep breath to try and calm the shakiness in her hands. 

“Ror, why’re you shaking?” Harry whispers. Aurora hears the click of Helene’s camera. 

“Trying to fix your pants, less than 10 minutes till the show,” she answers quickly. 

“I can go on stage late, it’s fine. Take your time, love.” 

“Harry, please, I’m not your girl right now, I'm not ‘love’, I’m trying to do my job. Just let me fix these, I’ll call you when they’re ready. Now, go put on your tank and jacket, please.” Aurora isn’t messing around and Harry’s figured that out now.

“Yeah, okay,” he says solemnly. “Pushing start time by 10 minutes!” the stage manager announces instead of giving the 5 minute warning. “Officially, 15 minutes till new start time!

Although Aurora is angry with Harry for ripping his pants in the first place and now pushing back the show to accommodate her she relaxes a bit and her hands calm down. 

A few minute pass and when she knots the final stitch she calls for Harry. Standing up from her spot she turns the pants right side out. When she finally looks away from the pants she sees Harry standing in front of her, the top half of his body much more covered than the bottom half. 

“Thank you” he whispers to Aurora as he takes his pants from her. “I’m sorry,” he says as he buttons them close. When she meets his eyes she can’t help but smile softly at him. She sighs heavily, weaving the needle that’s still in her hand on the shoulder of her shirt, just like her mom always does. 

“Out of all the suits to rip before the show it was the simple black Givency one. Really?” Aurora messes with the collar of his jacket quickly, pulling it so it sits evenly on his shoulders. “Gotta respect me when I’m working okay? I’m here to be your ‘Head of Wardrobe’ first.” Harry nods, understanding. “I know the line is blurry, but when I’m trying to fix your clothes in a timely manner and you’re acting like a spoiled rockstar, you gotta check yourself. I’ll be your girlfriend after the show and we can laugh about how you ripped the entire inside seam of your pants then. Right now, though, I’m annoyed and a little angry. You shouldn’t have been playing ping pong like that in your suit in the first place, but I am not your mother, so, yeah.” Aurora shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry offers again. 

“Thank you, but it’s fine. We’ll figure this out eventually,’ Aurora shrugs. “You’re all set. Good luck,” she says as she pushes him towards the stage door. 

“Be my girl for a minute?” Aurora’s eyebrows furrow at the question. “Just want a good luck kiss,” he explains.

“Hasn’t stopped you before,” Aurora says challengingly. 

“You’re not making the line any clearer,” he challenges back. 

“Shut up and let me kiss you,” Aurora states as she grabs his face in both of her hands. His hands find a grip on her waist before dipping his head down and meeting their lips lightly. He lets one hand drop, the other smoothing around her waist so he can hold her whole body with the one. He presses another kiss to her lips before he pulls away. He grabs her waist tightly once more and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

She watches as the sound manager sets up his in-ear and weaves it through the back of his jacket. Harry adjusts the cords and the piece in his ear quickly and spares a last look at Aurora who’s standing where he left her, arms now crossed against her chest, smiling back at him. He mirrors her bright smile for a quick moment before turning around and disappearing through the doors.

[niallandtommo]

i was tagged by @dearmrsawyer​ to answer these questions and then tag 5 people. thank you jamila!!! <3

name/nickname: stefanie/stef or steffi

gender: female 

star sign: gemini 

height: 178cm (yes i’m tall dfjgfd)

birthday: may 28

favourite bands: one direction, sunrise avenue, little mix, new hope club

song stuck in my head: don’t forget where you belong lmao

last movie: the last tatbilb movie

last show: i’m watching grey’s anatomy right now lol

when did i create this blog: this one in january 2014 but i had another one that i made in 2013

what do i post: one direction lol, a lot of julie and the phantoms at the moment and a bunch of random text posts

last thing googled: ‘betaisodona entzündung nagel’ fkjdghfGJDFHG BYE

other blogs: only this one. i mean i still have that old one from 2013 but i deleted everything and just reblogged a bunch of my old edits because a few years ago a lot of blogs got deleted so i guess it was kinda my backup blog but i don’t use it anymore 

do i get asks: uhhh sometimes? not that many tbh 

why i chose my url: on january 1st 2017 louis posted a selfie, niall commented with ‘hello tommo’, louis replied with ‘hello neil’ and also i’m a nouie lol 

following: 79

followers: 12,194 (so many people unfollowed me in the past few days dkfjfjg probably because of all the jatp posts i’m not sorry)

average hours of sleep: about 7 hours i think

lucky number: i wouldn’t say it’s my lucky number but 4 is my favorite number 

instruments: i can play the piano, guitar and i always forget what’s it’s called but google tells me it’s called recorder lol

what am i wearing: my hbw hoodie and my harry potter pants lmfao

dream job: oof i wish i knew the answer to this one. i mean if we’re talking about like actual dream job, i’d love to be an actress?? but if we’re talking about real life dream job, then i guess something with kids? i don’t really know anymore

dream trip: ireland sigh i wanted to go last year to see niall in dublin rip 

favourite food: pizza and pasta 

nationality: german 

favourite song: i have way too many

last book read: i have no idea kdfjgdf i don’t read books anymore so it was probably one of the harry potter books 5+ years ago??

top three fictional universes i'd like to live in: umm harry potter, grey’s anatomy and julie and the phantoms (hello i’d like to be in a ghost band)

[niallynwa]

All the boys have benefitted from the anniversary effect. Louies have been talking about it since July. Marked changes in likes. They think Louis has held onto this new fanbase because it’s been 5 months now but 1dead stans are holding onto hope of a reunion so they haven’t gone anywhere yet.

anon2: I hate to say this but Niall’s higher engagement has nothing to do with less posts and everything to do with the “new” fans who came in just before the 1D anniversary. All the 1D members have seen their engagement rise dramatically. Check Liam even with more engagement. There was a large increase in the number of fans that joined in the run-up and Niall’s followers on twitter and IG jumped up that week. The charts of what happened that week are pretty dramatic. It’s all those annoying minors.

Agreed that the anniversary had a huge impact! ALL their posts for that day had 2 million like margin more than the rest. But anon 2, even if it did start off cause of the band anniversary, that’s long gone now?? But it’s also funny how the tags on the Niall post make it sound like it’s just HIS anniversary post that got that much traffic more than usual but the reality it’s ALL of them.

What I’m saying is that for Niall specifically, cause I don’t pay attention to the others’ stats, his stats started changing around May. The less he was on, the more engagement the posts he made had. The fact that his HBW posts are nowhere to be seen but then you look at his posts for RAH and how much MORE they all have on Twitter and IG. And who cares where these new numbers have come from, what matters is they’re here. 

The fact of the matter is that his engagement is higher, he gained a lot of fans leading up to the anniversary and after it too, it’s been consistent. But it’s just how it is when it comes to social media and established brands. Niall Horan is an established brand now with name recognition but the more he posts, the easier it is for people to start being somewhat dismissive cause they’re always seeing him. I mean look at H’s numbers?? H doesn’t post unless he’s selling something and I’m not saying Niall should go down that route but a version of it that is tailored to him would, and IS, clearly beneficial. 

Which, I have to say, is what makes the debacle of October 2019 so fucking stupid when people started writing their dissertation on how Niall should do more quality than quantity promo as if his route is any different than any other pop act. He can’t. He didn’t have the numbers to back it up. But NOW, the hope is that with his social media being tamed, his branding being changed (in my opinion), and whatever he works on, all that will lead to good ROI once he releases with the numbers he’s got now, ya know??

[actualhumansunshine]

Can't agree more, I hope he properly goes down that rock/blues path this time and doesn't tone it down for a general audience, which is my one complaint about HBW. And I don't want him to lose acoustic singer songwriter Niall, that side of him is important too. Tbh it's rarer than people give credit for that someone can do both things so well, and Niall really does. Let's see both on album #3!!

RIGHT!!! don’t get me wrong, i absolutely love hbw for what it is and wouldn’t really make any major changes (other than maybe to no judgement—get rid of the trop pop drumbeat and lean more into the bluesy riff in the bridge—because i feel like that one suffered the most in terms of going out of their way to make a radio-friendly hit), but i do think there’s a very ‘top 40 friendly’ slickness and sheen to a lot of the album that can feel a bit.......much at times, i guess??? so it would be an absolute dream to hear him strip back even just a layer or two of that and step outside of thoughts of what he Should Do to make pop music, and instead really go for whatever feels most natural to him in that moment, even if that means going a little more bluesy or a little more rock or whatever.

cause i think that was part of slow hands’ charm as well?? of course, he worked his ass off promoting it and getting it heard by as many people as possible which directly contributed to it’s success, but so much of that was also the fact that it was interesting and a little different compared to everything else out at the time, but it was also so him through and through, with the swagger and verging-on-bluesy feel to it.

[thechampagnelovers]

do you think heartbreak weather is about just one relationship?

well hello there nony, i love that you ask

Niall has said hbw tells the story of a relationship in cronological order, however he also mentioned not all the pov’s of the songs are from the same person. My interpretation is that heartbreak weather is about two people and their current relationship but it also talks about the other relationships those two people had before that shaped the way they are and interfere in their current relationship. let me explain

album starts with the title track, heartbreak weather. this song tells the very beggining of the relationship, how they met and how does this person makes the protagonist feel, like the whole world is changed and they’re finally feeling love again 

they’ve always been in a heartbreak weather mood, they always end up heartbroken with every relationship, but this new person makes them feel a new hope, it’s different this time, so different in fact that our protagonist dreams of getting married 

why is an album about being so in love to the point of getting married called heartbreak weather then? well, because not everything is so bright, and the protaginist starts doubting their partner’s loyalty. however, this is not the first time it happened, and the protagonist tries to look for patience inside of them. 

they’ve been hurt too much in the past already, and now they want to have patience with their new partner, and stop their anxiety from taking control. but the patience doesn’t come in the end, and in bend the rules, the protagonist’s openly speaks about their concerns and suspicions. 

bend the rules is actually a great song. the protagonist knows somethings up but they don’t have proper proof. their partner is technically not cheating, but they’re not playing with the rules of the game. this also introduces the first relationship outside the main one, the secret one the protagonist suspects their partner is having.

things get confusing from here, because in each song we switch pov’s and introduce new players to the story, and this is why it can be hard sometimes to understand the story this album tells. the next song, small talk, is not from the same pov we’ve been on since the beggining. this person who’s singing isn’t heartbreak weather, but their partner, who’s singing about this other person, who they clearly have a past with, and they can’t believe they’re not together anymore. 

the partner know they shouldn’t cheat with hbw but the temptations are too much to ignore. just like hbw doesn’t control their patience, their partner doesn’t control their desires to be with this person (who, according to the rest of the lyrics and the lyrics from bend the rules, we can assume it’s an ex- so, there’s a past relationship interfiering with this new one)

in nice to meet ya, we switch back to heartbreak weather’s pov. they notice how others stare at them, how they flirt with them and they allow themselves to flirt back. they’re meeting new people, but they come and go. Niall also said the inspiration for this song came entirely from the sound rather than the lyrics, so to get the vibe we need to pay attention to the main guitar riff (so no lyrics here, although you can check them out because they’re sexy)

but then, we get to pallom. the protagonist is heartbroken, and so is their partner, because they both love each other but they are confused about their relationship

the protagonist still loves their partner, and begs for one chance to show them their love. now, Niall has said this is a breakup song. If we take that in mind, whats left of the album can be considered the different phases we go through a break up. For me, personally, this isnt a break up, but a turning point in the relationship, where hbw knows they’re confused but they assure their partner they still love them a lot. so, if this is not a break up song, what do the rest of the songs mean then? this is my interpretation, which is not the original meaning niall intended to, so i’ll try to explain

in arms of a stranger, a first look into the lyrics lays out a pretty simple song: hbw tries to be with other people but can’t stop thinking about their ex. BUT if we follow the storyline where they didn’t break up, this song turns much much darker: hbw and their partner try once again to make it work, but the protagonist doesn’t feel the same energy in their partner. they’re not the same person, they’re different now. For the protagonist, their partner feels like a stranger and not who they used to be. 

In Everywhere, we see how hbw starts to feel persecuted by their partner, they can’t stop thinking about them, knowing that they’re probably out cheating on them. hbw reconsiders leaving them, but everyone agrees they’re meant to be together, no one knows about their fights and the cheating and the secrets. to the rest of the world, they are a perfect couple, but the truth is chasing the protagonist everywhere. 

then comes my fav song of the album, cross your mind. this song is the textbook example of my favourite type of songs: sad lyrics with upbeat tones. in this song, hbw sings once again about how their partner is cheating on them, but the upbeat tone lets you know the protagonist is not as anxious about it as before. now, it’s a game they play, they pull and push the rope of their love and both of them know the other is not being faithfull to the relationship. but... who is the protagonist cheating on their partner with?

niall explained that no judgement, the next song, is about an old friends with benefits he has, someone who he always comes back to. the protagonist (who, let’s remember is not niall himself) is having an affair with someone from their past (just the same way their partner is also doing). now, is this song sang from hbw’s pov? no. this song isn’t sang by the protagonist or their partner, but by this old lover who the protagonist is cheating on with. this old lover conforts our protagonist, tells them they wont jugde them, and receives them with open arms and no strings attached. thats why no judgement sounds so refreshing and fun, it makes me think of bright colours like yellow and orange, becuase this song is from a person outside the story we’ve been following. 

now, we reach San Francisco, one of the best songs in the album. why? because its a duet, a ballad. this song is sang by heartbreak weather -our protagonist- and their partner. they’re both tired of this game, and dream about the beggining of their relationship, about the time they met, about how they danced together and even loved each other to the point of getting married. this song reflects what they want, their thoughts. They miss the past and wonder if they can go back to it...

however, it’s now what it ends up happening. in Still, the protagonist voices this thoughts to their partner (if you pay attention, you can see the lyrics are very similar) but it doesn’t go out the way they want. hbw wants to give this relationship a third chance, but their partner knows it won’t be the right thing, and that nothing would change. they both want to go back to the start, but the partner knows it wont happen, so they say no, and now they officially break up, for once and for all. 

now, the analysis would end here, right? but there are 2 more songs in the album. if we follow the official narrative (niall’s narrative) the story is over with still, but in my narrative (camila’s narrative, the better narrative) we need to close this up a little bit. and here’s when dress comes up.

in Dress, the protagonist finally for once accepts that this relationship has to end, that they need to let go of this person. thats what the dress symbolises, ITS A METAPHOR Y’ALL

and we finish with Nothing, which is in my opinion the song that best represents Niall. our protagonist is, once again, back to the beggining, hopping from bar to bar, partying, drinking. they’re a tiger, and the only thing that could tame this tiger is a new lover. our protagonist is back to being themselves, they’re back in the heartbreak weather.

AND THATS IT, i got so tired of adding the lyrics so sorry about that :/ but go listen to heartbreak weather with this narrative in mind and you’ll see it’s much much much more satisfying than the original story, or at leats it adds more depht to the songs and it makes them more diverse and fun.

[niallynwa]

People keep saying Niall has “changed” but literally nothing is different about him except he’s more quiet on social media which is normal for him when there’s nothing going on. People seem to think he’s never gonna talk to us again. People seem to think every little thing with him and Amelia is gonna lead to marriage like his friends following her on ig. These are all normal things why do people make such huge deals out of it. Are they forgetting all of his friends followed his past gfs?

I know. I liked Resal’s answer about this too here. I’m extremely confused about the absolute dramatics I see about him being more quiet on social media. We miss him, we wish he was around more, but he is more than allowed to do this. No one is saying he’s exact the same as he was 6 months ago, but what everyone I follow and have seen has said, is that it’s not a BAD thing? 

I don’t agree with some of his decisions re: traveling, but I understand why he’s letting go of HBW. And if he’s letting go of HBW, what does he have to promote and talk about? We’re not getting updates on his writing but that doesn’t mean he’s NOT writing. He never said he stopped working? His last live was literally him telling us he’s got sessions booked. Yeah, it sucks and we miss him, but none of this has anything to do with his relationship or the person he's in said relationship with

I haven’t seen anyone be like that about their relationship (that little things will lead to marriage). I also keep seeing anons say people are “stanning” her but?????? Where????? I’ve genuinely not seen anyone make a big deal about anything beyond anons??? Barely anyone talks about her but you’d think with the way anons are being, that it’s a H*ilee 2.0 situation where no one would shut up. Yeah, it’s cute that he seems genuinely happy when we did see him. And I hope it works out for him cause he deserves that, and jokes/headcanons are fine in my eyes, but there’s a limit to everything. Nothing that has happened has been out of the ordinary. The ONLY difference now vs. 2018 is that he was on tour. Otherwise, he would’ve been on the same silent train. Also, any implications about their impending doom/breakup, is so mean to me. Just let him be?? If he wants to change his relationship with us, whether its for the sake of his private relationship or not, that’s fair?? I don’t see the issue.

[actualhumansunshine]

1-4) How do you think HW storyline goes? In a SUPER simplified way I'd say: "I wasn't in a good place until you came into my life" (HW) -> "I'm really, really in love with you, I think you might be the one" (B&W) -> "omg what did I thought about getting married?? I love them, but I need to slow down" (DP) -> "oh.... i really shouldn't have rushed into this. I think they might be cheating" (BtR) -> "i'll go out and sleep with the first pretty girl I find" (ST) -> "this is fine, I'm fine, I'm

2-4) having fun and I’m meeting new people. It’s all good" (NTMY) -> “i’m having a bad day, I’m lonely, I miss you, I miss being loved. You feel like this too?” (PALLOM) -> “I hate this, i’m sleeping with other people and it’s not even fun anymore, give me my heart back, I wanna get over you” (AOAS) -> “get out of my mind!!! I can’t look at anything without thinking about you but you are not here with me and it’s driving me crazy” (E) -> “maybe we should get back together. I’m hurting anyway, so

3-4) let’s finish the job, let me love you again even if I think you’ll hurt me once more. It’ll be worth it” (CYM) -> “i can’t stop thinking about my ex, maybe what I need is someone new in my life. I will give them what’s left of me if they can make this go away” (NA) -> Idk how NJ works here, but I’ll go with your anon, because it’s a good theory and it makes sense -> “Maybe I could have handled better the situation, we didn’t have to say goodbye. I wish I could go back and relive everything

4-4) not because Idc about being hurt, but because I want to talk to you and because I’m tired of running away and pretending you’re not the one I want. There’s still time to fix this? (SF) -> "You making mistakes doesn’t mean I didn’t make some too. I’m sorry I took so long to understand that, I’m sorry if I hurt you too. Can we try to forget all this mess and go back to basics? It starts: I’m in love with you” (S). What do you think? Hahaha

i would agree for the most part? a few things i would disagree with / change:

a) HBW - i don’t think it’s necessarily as much “i wasn’t in a good place until you came into my life” as “my life was monotonous and boring and a bit lonely before, all i’ve ever known heartbreak and failed relationships, but now with you, everything feels different and better”

b) BTR - i don’t feel like it’s talking about full on accusations of “cheating”??? to me, i kind of read it as being part of a similar timeframe to DP, where it’s the very, very beginning of the relationship, it hasn’t been completely defined yet as far as What This Is, expectations haven’t been set, so it’s kind of talking about that confusing and weird time where you know how you feel, but you’re not really sure where they’re at. you’re kind of left wondering if they’re on the same page, if you’re the only one they’re still talking to, what’s going on in their head, etc.

c) ST - i agree with you, but i feel it’s such an interesting song lyrically because there’s this underlying sense of…..almost, like, guilt to it on his part? between the “won’t someone come save me” / “let ourselves get burned by the fire” / “tell me what you want because you know i want it too,” it’s like he’s almost refusing to make the first move? clearly he DOES want to fuck this person and he WILL if they say the word, but there’s this overall sense that he’s holding back on his own desires and feelings, basically relying on someone else to put a stop to it cause he knows that he won’t. so it ends up almost feeling like this is something he shouldn’t be doing or is hesitant about, maybe because he’s nervous and conflicted about having to own up to it eventually or maybe because it’s the first time he’s hooking up with someone after (in the midst?) of a messy and drawn out breakup or WHO KNOWS WHY

d) E + CYM - i feel like the most interesting way of reading these two songs (and maybe also AOAS, but these two especially), is that those emotions happening simultaneously?? the muse is everywhere, they’re totally inescapable. everywhere he looks, everywhere he goes, he’s always reminded of them, usually despite himself. but at the same time, he’s also hopelessly devoted to them and if they came back right that moment to say they still loved him, literally nothing else they could do would turn him off them. those conflicting feelings and thoughts all swirling around in his mind at the same time fits with the confusion that can come with a breakup, you know? the “i want you, but also i don’t, but also….do i? maybe i don’t, i don’t know” back and forth that it seems like he’s referred to a few times in other places (eg pallom’s “is it wrong that i still don’t know my heart”)

e) SF - “not because i don’t care about being hurt, but because i’m tired of running away” YES!!! and that’s such an interesting reversal on CYM?? CYM was all “i don’t give a shit, hurt me if that’s what it takes, i just want YOU” while SF is much more gentle to both himself and his muse? he’s more understanding about the fact that he WAS cruel or didn’t handle things correctly sometimes, and that there are reasons they aren’t going to drop everything and come back just because he wants them to, you know? he wants to make things right, but - and maybe this is just hindsight and knowing how things progress rip - it feels like there’s also this underlying understanding that his best NOW isn’t enough to erase what’s already happened THEN, no matter how much he wants it to be. 

(also, a bit of a sidenote, but i find that “i might show up on your doorstep, soaking wet / say i’m done running from the one that i want so bad” SO FASCINATING? it’s like this ultra romanticized moment in his head- dropping everything just to win his muse back like some kind of scene from a movie, but the things is……..does he actually do it? cause i’m not convinced he does tbh. it feels to me like he’s got all these grand schemes and ideas, but at the end of the day, he’s not really going to go through with any of it, as much as he’ll just hold onto these thoughts and feelings and start to processes through them on the path to healing and finally getting over it.)