#don’t ever let yourself feel unloved ok?

[seumyo]

Just remember that you are loved and appreciated <33

[igotanidea]

Walls: Dick Grason x f!reader

Summary: Dick is not really an open one himself, but what if his girlfriend takes being closed up to the extreme? Will he break that emotional wall?

„Hey”

„Hi” I muttered that single word without looking up from my computer screen, buried with work, doing my best to keep myself busy.

“What are you working on?” he took a step closer trying to sneak a peek at the document I was currently editing.

“Just some reports. You know my boss, he loves all the spreadsheets and  summaries.”

“Yeah. I know.” perching down on my desk he scratched his neck in poorly hidden frustration

For a second there was complete silence between us.

“So….”

“No. Please don’t.”

“I didn’t even…..”

“But I know exactly what you are going to say. And I ask you to not do this.”

“How can I not?” he scoffed “you have been acting so strange lately. I’m worried about you!”

“Why?” I tilted my head, eyeing him carefully, trying to keep my cool. Don’t let it show, just don’t…..

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m completely serious. There’s nothing to worry about, really. Just because I’ve been busy doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.” I shrugged casually “but, if there’s anything you are struggling with…..”

“You!”

“What?”

“I’m struggling with you!”

“Oh, so I am the problem now?” I raised an eyebrow and he sighed in exasperation.

“Why are you constantly turning everything on its head? Talking about anything with you has been a torture lately. “ I opened my mouth but he cut me off before I could say a word “Anything not-work related.”

“Well then maybe you should stop trying.” I hissed turning the gaze away. As much as I wanted to pretend those words did nothing to me they did hurt.

“Y/N.”

“Maybe you should just leave me be, hm?”

“You are my girlfriend for fuck’s sake. I love you. I care about you, so why can’t you just open up?” his voice broke a little “Don’t you trust me? Do I make you feel unloved?”

I stayed silent for too long to not take it for an answer.

“Oh, fuck, I do.” His eyes went wide in mix of fear, hurt and sudden realisation.

“Look” I sighed deeply and looked at him “it’s not about you, ok? It’s me. There’s something broken inside me and maybe I am no good for anyone, all right? Maybe you should just move on and forget that we ever were together. You don’t deserve the chaos and emptiness I bring.”

“You are not serious.”

“Please.”

“Is that what you want? Do you want us to break up? Fuck!”

“I’m sorry. Can you just leave me alone, at least for a while?”

“I am not giving up on you. You are not getting rid of me so easily.” He stormed out of the room and I knew well enough he was going to training room to get some steam off.

“I know...... Oh, I know.... “ I muttered to myself getting back to work with all my dark thoughts creeping in my mind.

***

“What happened there Y/N?” talk about the perks of living with a couple of people in one house. Pretty much nothing can go unnoticed. The second I left my room I got attacked with that hated question. At first I wanted to lash out at the person who dared to do so, but quickly realized it was Gar. My best, best, best friend. The most caring person on this planet and the last one who would want to push any of my boundaries, so how could I? So instead of getting my frustrations out I just flopped on the sofa next to him shaking my head not able to say a word.

“Hey, talk to me.” Gar turned towards me and grabbed my hand.

“I can’t.” I whispered inaudibly.

“Why not Y/N/N?”

I shook my head even harder and to my terror a few tears that I was holding for too long flew down. Gar knew me well enough to pretend like they weren’t there.

“You know you’re like my big sister, don’t you? And as a younger and more rebellious brother I take it upon myself to cheer you up.” He stated.

“Rebellious?” I let out a laugh and a sob at the same time and it made me hiccup “who are you comparing yourself to? Tim?”

“Maybe. Not much of a benchmark, though.” He laughed and I couldn’t help but lift the corners of my mouth just the tiniest bit. “Oh, there is that signature smile. So much better.”

“I don’t know if it’s better.” I muttered “but I like your sense of humor.”

“Oh, I know” he grinned “so..... you had a fight with Dick?”

“GAR!”

“What?! Like I said, younger brother!”

“You said rebellious, not nosy!”

“Well, let’s call it protectiveness. You know I wouldn’t hesitate to kick his ass if he ever hurt you.”

“I would love to see you two fight each other” I snorted “that would be a view….”

“Will it make you happier?” he suddenly became more aware of my every word “if so…..”

“No, no! Stand down, Gar. You have enhanced your skills for sure, but not that much to go against Nightwing. Besides, I feel like I hurt him more by pushing away.”

“Seems like you gave him a taste of his own medicine.”

“Perhaps, but he’s not really the patient one and may break every second now. He…. cares in his own, very special way.”

“Go talk to him. You know it’s the right thing to do. “

“Right”

“And remember you can still beat him with your superhero skills.”

“GAR!”

*** As suspected Dick was working out. Completely focused on his moves and perfect technique, brows furrowed, forehead sweated. I hate objectification, but the way his muscles were flexing always got me hipnotised and this time it was no different. He wasn’t Dick Grayson at the moment. He was Nightwing with all the fury and anger of a bird of prey. Silent, deadly, predatory, ready to strike. He might have been detached from reality but still heard me coming inside as he turned abruptly, prepared for an attack and without thinking grabbed my wrist in an iron-clad hold.   “Au.” I mocked since even despite his strength it did not hurt this much. I was pretty resilient to physical pain. Titans' school teach you that.

“Sorry.” he muttered and let go taking a step back to look me up and down. This was my turn to speak.

“No. I am sorry Dick. You were right. I am not okay.”

“But you don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s not really what I’ve been taught. “

“You and me both.”

“Right. I just…. I don’t know where to start.” I mumbled looking at the floor.

“Let me help you.” he took a step closer and gently grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him. When my eyes met his I had to hold back the lump that started to form in my throat. He was…. vulnerable. Because of me. Hurt. Desperate. But there was something more to this loving gaze he was giving me and I could not quite decipher what. It became clear a second later when his eyes glinted and he wrenched my arm taking me by surprise.

“What the fuck Dick!?” I yelled and acting out of instinct attacked him back “that’s the help!?”

"It is. You'll see."

He came right at me forcing me to twist, turn, flip and slide to avoid getting beaten up to pulp. I mean, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me for real, but still all the years of training just kicked in. I was blocking his sticks and throws, jumping when he tried to trip me up and ducking when he attacked from above. Fuck! It was hard going against him and if I was panting and struggling with controlling my heartbeat Gar didn’t stand a chance against Dick if they ever were to fight for real.

A heartbeat of hesitation got me losing and I found myself in a tight embrace of my boyfriend who was now holding me against his chest.

“Talk.” He ordered and the words just started flowing. Apparenly this was the help, his plan from the begging - letting the adrenaline work for our benefit.

“I don’t understand you. I don’t understand why you love me. I am probably the most emotionally estranged person on the Earth. You saw that, you experienced that. I push people away when I need them the most. “

“And yet, when they, when we, when I need you are always there.”

“Because that’s what I do. “

“Why?” he held me closer and I felt his heart beating as fast as mine if not faster. “It’s ok. You’re safe with me, just tell me.” His hands started caressing my back in a soothing manner making me calm down and relax into his touch.

“Because that’s how I show I care. I help. I support. I am here.” I closed my eyes feeling all the mental pain coming out in waves.

“But you don’t let others do the same for you.”

“I hate being vulnerable. I hate being weak. I hate showing it.”

“Babe, you are anything but weak. Believe me.” He looked me straight into the eyes but I winced and avoided his gaze. He let me, knowing this was the only way to keep me talking. “What else?” he insisted as I his my face in his chest muttering incoherently against his skin. “I didn’t quite get that.” he laughed and I pulled away.

“I… I was hurt too many times, you know. Every time I let any insecurity out, later on it was used against me. I still remember how painful it was. Much worse than any phisical injury. It just won’t go away and makes me keep my walls up so high…… I’m sorry, Dickie. You just don’t deserve it. Neither you nor the team. I am a terrible person.....“

“Hey, no, stop it, stop spinning." he cupped my cheek in the most gentle way "You don’t have to put the weight of the world on your shoulder, YN.”

“The pot calling the kettle, you hypocrite!” I smirked

“You are insufferable, Y/N.” He kissed my forehead and I frowned. His action and his words didn’t quite match.

“Dick….?” I wriggled in his embrace, a bit confused.

“I love you so fucking much. “ he held me closer “And am I Nightwing, remember? I can climb any wall, no matter how high.”

“Even if it grows?”

“I’m not going to let it happen.”

“How?“

“Oh I’ll find a way. Look I know it’s hard to trust, ok? Been there, done that. But it’s not healthy, going into a shell. I mean look at Bruce” he scoffed “And you know I care about you. You do, right? Look at me.”

“I do.” I nodded

“Good. So are you willing to work with me? I’m not asking you to become an open book at once but just…. don’t hide, ok? Show how you feel at least from time to time. It’s. All. Right. No one is going to judge you. And no one, really sweetheart, no one, will consider you weak if that’s what you are worried about.”

“But Kori….”

“Oh, god, will you stop it?” he brought his face closer to mine, his lips inches away.

“And what if I don’t bird boy?” I teased.

“Well, I will have to make you….” And without any hesitation he closed the gaps between us making me forget about the whole world, all my worries and struggles. Sneaky bastard. My sneaky bastard that made me feel safe and seen and taken care of. There were sure a lot of things to work on but he definitely knew how to make the effort worth the effect.

“I love you.” He muttered pulling away and resting his forehead on mine. “Let me take care of you, be there for you the same way you always are for me, ok? Don't run. Promise me?”

“Ok” I whispered closing my eyes. It felt so good having him so close and I pulled myself closer just to get more of his warmth “just…. don’t get impatient if it goes slow…..”

“I won’t.” he swore. “I won’t“ he repeated pulling me in and we just stood there, in the middle of the training room gently swaying left and right being vulnerable together.  We surely were a very complicated and very in-love with each other couple.

@somest1 @pinksirensong

[strange-and-off-putting]

Smegtober Prompt Eleven: Jealousy

Actually, Prompts 11, 12, and 13 are up on AO3. It's 3 pm local on October 14th, so I still have time for todays, lol. Response to "Jealousy" under the cut.

“People like you,” Rimmer slurs, half hanging off the bunk, his gangly arms and legs draped haphazardly over the edge of the mattress. “People see you, and their faces light up like it’s Christmas. Me?”

He points unsteadily at himself, his raised eyebrows disappearing beneath a tuft of disheveled curls hanging in the center of his forehead.

“Me? Like a shot of orange juice after brushing their teeth. Unpleasant, unwanted,” he rolls over, groaning, “unloved.”

“People like you, Rimmer,” Lister sighs, squinting as he tries to keep count of his stitches in his half-inebriated state. “Or they would if you weren’t so–”

He fumbles, trying to think of the right word.

“--Rimmer-ish,” he finishes, lamely, catching the yarn with the tip of his right needle. “You get in your own way, man. People’d like you if you could just chill the smeg out for a minute, you know?”

“I don’t know,” Rimmer groans. “I don’t know how to ‘chill the smeg out,’ I don’t think I’ve ever come close to feeling ‘chill’ in my entire life. Or death, come to that.”

“You think too much,” Lister says. “You’re too wrapped up in making yourself look important. I don’t know how to explain this to you, Rimmer, but most people don’t really care about how important you claim to be, how many pips you have, what rank you are...”

“Well, what else do I have?” Rimmer’s voice is fast approaching a whine. Lister blinks.

“What else do you have?” he says incredulously. “Smeg, Rimmer, you don’t even have that! You’re a second technician, repairing vending machines!”

Rimmer stares at him with wide, pathetic eyes.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?”

Lister sighs.

“Looks, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being a second technician, man,” he sighs. “But it doesn’t exactly elevate you above anyone else, does it? The problem is your whole attitude, Rimmer! You act like you’re king of the hill, but you’re not. And even if you had the rank, no one likes the bloke who lords his privilege over everyone else.”

Rimmer blinks up at the ceiling.

“I don’t have anything else,” he says again. His voice is wavering, a plaintive, pleading note that corkscrews right through Lister’s chest. Lister puts down his knitting and sighs. He stands up and walks over to the bunk unsteadily, throwing himself onto the bunk with a grunt.

“Listen,” Lister says, resting a hand on Rimmer’s knee thoughtlessly. “Somewhere in there is a likable guy, ok? I’ve caught little glimpses and glances of him, yeah, those times you manage to let your guard down.”

Rimmer raises himself up to a sitting position, resting most of his weight on his arms, braced behind him. He looks doubtful, but there’s a tentative, hopeful twitch, just at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Lister reassures, clapping his knee again. “That bloke’s got real potential. He’s open, and honest, and affectionate. And he doesn’t overthink things, you know? That’s so much of your baggage, man; you kill yourself overthinking things, over-complicating things. Sometimes you’ve just gotta go with it, you know? Be spontaneous.”

“Spontaneous?”

“Yeah. Act on your feelings,” he says, “Like I do.”

Rimmer snorts.

“You do do that, don’t you? No thoughts, head empty,” Rimmer mused, his voice thick with longing, “‘Do what the wilt shall be the whole of the law’ and all that.”

He shakes his head.

“But what if I regret it? What if I just traipse off, willy-nilly, doing anything and everything I please, and then regret it all?”

“How much smeg do you regret not doing cause you’ve talked yourself out of it?” Lister points out quietly. “Regret’s always gonna be a pocket on the roulette wheel, Rimmer. But so is happiness, right? I’d rather take my chance and do the thing, eh?”

“Do the thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Just – spontaneously. In the moment. Without thinking?”

Yeah.”

“Hmm,” Rimmer muses a moment.

He pulls Lister in and kisses him.

“Whoa, hey–” Lister pulls away in a panic, a flat hand on Rimmer’s chest holding him at bay. “That’s not – you – not, not that, Rimmer. You – you’re too drunk to know what you’re doing.”

“But you said–”

“Yeah, I know what I said, but–”

“You’ve kissed people drunk,” Rimmer slurs accusingly. “You’ve done plenty, absolutely smashed out of your gourd. Do you think I didn’t know what you were up to all those night you had me locked out of our bunk? All those nights you came back reeking of beer and sex??”

Lister’s face goes crimson.

“That’s… that’s different, Rimmer,” he murmurs, avoiding Rimmer’s gaze.

“Oh.” Rimmer’s voice is flat; Lister can feel him pulling away, in every sense. He crosses his arms across his chest and turns away petulantly.

“Of course. Of course, the great Dave Lister is different. The rules don’t apply to him.”

Lister sighs, deflating slightly. There was really no talking to him once he got to this stage.

“You’re drunk, Rimmer,” he says gently. “And in the morning you’ll be relieved you have that to hide behind.”

“Of course, when you do it, it’s an impetuous whim,” Rimmer mumbled. “But for me it’s just a drunken mistake, I suppose.”

Rimmer is silent, back to Lister, the hem of his pajama shirt riding up against the small of his back. There’s something about that small sliver of exposed skin that makes Lister inexplicably sad.

“We can talk about this in the morning,” Lister says, stumbling back over to the desk and picking up his knitting. “If you want to. Which you won’t.”

“Of course, I won’t,” Rimmer says. “You don't get it, do you? You can do this sober. Do what you want, go after what you want. Who you want.”

Lister stares at his knitting, the stitching a jumble of knits and purls swimming in front of his eyes. He feels vaguely guilty, but he’s not sure what for.

“Must be nice,” Rimmer murmurs, drifting off to sleep, “to be you.”

He casts a glance at Rimmer’s back, the sweaty curls clinging to the nape of his neck, his shoulders rising and falling in the simulated rhythm of breathing. He turns back to his knitting, trying to make sense of it – the project, the pattern, the state of his life. He sighs.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, “you would think.”

[finelinevogue]

could you write something about the readers parents not liking her and harry comforts her please

ok this is going to be quite sad and angsty so hold on tight!

Y/N was crying in her room. Again.

This was turning out to be a daily occurrence now. Wake up. Get shouted at. Go to school. Learn how to dissect a frog and master how to write the perfect essay. Come home. Get shouted at. Sleep. The weekends, she didn’t get all the good in-between stuff, it was just waking up to be shouted at.

For what? Well not even Y/N could answer that.

Her parents had despised her since the day she was born, or at least Y/N presumed. She was never allowed to go out without permission from her parents. She was not allowed to eat certain foods, because “she didn’t need to be any fatter”. She wasn’t supposed to wear anything inappropriate. She wasn’t allowed relationships. Although that last one, she cheated on.

Harry had been Y/Ns best friend all through high-school, until they reached college and Harry couldn’t wait any longer to make her officially his. He wanted her so badly. She was his best friend but he craved for more. It took Y/N a lot of persuading, but it was the best thing she’d ever done for herself. Harry was kind to her. He treated her with respect and love - something she’d never had from her parents.

Having a relationship whilst being instructed you weren’t allowed one, made things very difficult. Harry could only see Y/N when she allowed him to. After finishing chores she would tell her parents she was going to grab food or cleaning supplies from the grocery store, only to go and spend a few hours with Harry in his treehouse. She would always come back with a bag full of shopping and made sure she covered the hickeys on her neck well. It would be hard to explain their origin of those marks to her parents.

“Y/N!”

Her mum had never provided her with a nickname, only ever calling her by her proper name. Harry gave her nicknames and pet names galore; baby, honey, sweetheart, lovie, darling and petal to name but a few.

You had learnt that shouting back was “never okay” so you left your bedroom and walked down the stairs to find your mum, who’d just shouted for you.

“Yes mum?” You timidly asked, standing at the door with your fingers fiddling with each other.

Your mum turned and scoffed at the sight of you. “Oh Jesus Y/N! You look horrible. That dress is disgusting.” It just so happened to be your favourite dress - a simple, long - as necessary - white dress with pretty flowers embroidered in baby pink and blue across the skirt. It made you feel like a weightless princess. “Don’t you agree?” Your mum asked your dad.

“Oh yes. Too much fat showing.” Your dad lovingly commented back.

You looked down at yourself, thinking that maybe it was showing a bit too much skin and therefore showing off your fat. Harry always told you that you were completely beautiful - an angel - but it was hard to believe on days like this. You crossed your arms over your chest in discomfort. Speaking back would only make things worse, so you took the verbal abuse as it came.

“Now,” your mum sat up a bit more, “i’m finding it really hard to look at you right now, Y/N, because i’m hurt by you.” Tears, fake of course, were forming in her eyes.

“W-why?”

“Mrs Tucker said she saw you and a young boy kissing outside the grocery store the other night - the same night you said you were going to pick up cleaning supplies.” Your heart dropped to your feet, because it was true. You had been with Harry. You’d never thought about anyone catching you, mainly because you thought no one cared about you enough. Mrs Tucker does like a good gossip though, dammit.

“A boy Y/N!” Your dad shouted in reiteration, making you flinch to the noise.

“Now I told Mrs Tucker that was being silly. That lady will do anything for a natter.” You stilled, thinking you were off the hook, but you should ‘t have been so quick to let your guard down. “Until your dad and I followed you to the grocery store the next night, although we never reached the store did we Y/N? No we were outside a house instead.”

Oh no. You are so dead.

“A boys house, Y/N? You weren’t raised to be a whore.” Your dad spat at you, turning away from you as if the sight of you was disgusting.

“God knows who he is or what you’re doing with him, but it stops. Right now, today.” Your mum gritted through her teeth, obviously trying to keep her calm.

“But—”

“No!” You mum screamed. “I will not be seen as the mother of a daughter who sleeps with random boys, instead of studying and working hard for her family!”

This was so 1800s. This was your life.

You had actual tears forming in your eyes now, unlike those your mum bared. It was so silly that this was making you cry but you were so upset that they thought they could control your life this way. It was devastating.

“I-I.. I love him though.” You choked out between tiny sobs, “I love him.” You whispered - that having been the first time you’d told someone else other than Harry. It actually felt good. Relieving. To declare your love for Harry made the world feel possible.

“Love? You no nothing about love.” You dad rolled his eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh at his words.

“The only reason I don’t know about love is because I never got it from either of you.” You started to fight back. This was a battle you were determined to win. No more hiding behind a timid figure. You were willing to stand up for yourself - no one else was going to.

“Because there’s nothing to love about you!”

You didn’t recall who this came from, all you remember is your heart dropping below the floor and fleeing from the room. Fleeing from the house. Fleeing from a family who didn’t see you as anything but a human being. You weren’t a daughter to them. You were nothing. Your heart called elsewhere. It yearned for the person closest to you.

It wasn’t until you were met with Harry’s front door that you realised where you were and what had happened.

“Oh Y/N! Hi lov—” Anne greeted you, until she saw that you were crying heavily and your chest was rising rapidly. “Harry!” She shouted into the house, leaving you a brief moment to collapse onto the floor in front of you. You didn’t care for the pain that ran through your knees from the impact - only the pain in your heart from the break it had just suffered.

“Woah angel, hey, hey.” Harry was by your side within seconds, completely incasing his body around you. Your head laid buried against his warm chest and his arms hugged you close to him like never before. His smell was one of home. He encompassed you and made you feel safe and loved. You weren’t alone.

“I-i’m unloveable.”

“But I love you.” Harry whispered against your hair, warm air softly kissing your skin.

“Yes, but—”

“No, “but”. I love you, Y/N L/N, I really fucking do. You’re my other half, baby.” He kissed your forehead a few times, knowing that’s your second favourite place to be kissed. “Your parents don’t deserve you, they really don’t. They’re cruel and cold-hearted, but that doesn’t mean I am. I think you’re beautiful, clever and kind. I think you’re everything i could ever want. And I know that you can’t be unloveable, because i’m, so deeply, in love with you.”

Harry continued to rock you, as your cried into his chest. You’d never believed in yourself before meeting him and you never thought that he could be so genuine towards you. He couldn’t care less what your parents think, as long as he helped remind you that you’re none of what they think of you. You’re so much better than mindless words. You make you you, not your parents. Harry’s helped you discover who you are and who you want to be. Even though your miles from becoming who you want to be, and you have your setbacks, you’re proud of how far you’ve come.

You cried against his chest, until the pain softened and your could regain your breath again. You unburied yourself from his hold and looked up to him with love in your eyes.

“There’s my beautiful girl, looking like a princess in you pretty dress.” He smiled down at you, even though you knew you had puffy eyes, red cheeks and a snotty nose. He loved you and all your perfect imperfections.

“Thank you, H.” You said with a wobble to your lips, really meaning your words.

“I know, baby.”

“I really do love you too.” You made sure he knew. His heart fluttered a little faster over your words. He leaned down to kiss you gently, minding all the salty water and grimy snot that laid on your face. His kiss sent butterflies swarming through your stomach and a new type of red appeared on your cheeks.

“Waffles anyone?” Anne asked as she stood at the door, the smells of sweet honey and cream only hitting you now. It was that moment that you realised your heart had never belonged with your parents, your heart belonged here, with Harry. Forever and always.

[yestrday]

— UNFEELING DAMNATION.

summary! everything is so cold. blood drips from your very body, put there is no warmth that accompanies the pain. so you continue to ruin yourself.

warning! ok im really out of writing juice so this is me trying to see if i can accomodate requests at a given set of time. reader is fucking unhinged. there is no happiness. reader will inflict or receive pain or on any route you send. self-harm

damn the creator. damn this universe. damn teyvat.

the rain is pouring down as the storms overhead rumble as warning to those who dare venture in this kind of weather. the drops pound on your head alongside the headache that has plagued you ever since you set foot in this world. hammer to the metal, it disturbs your thoughts and only further prolongs your anguish.

the puddle beneath you ripples with every drop. your hands tremble too much and are unable to catch a single drop of rain as you cup them together.

i wanna go home i wanna go home i wanna go home

but your home is not in this world.

feeling desperation and the instinct to survive take over your pride, you dip your head to the muddy puddle. there is no hesitation as you hungrily inhale the water, not caring whatever bacteria or small wretched animal have trodded across this water. you have not drunk clean water in days, and the civilization that hunted you barred any access to the lakes or rivers of mondstadt. your only hope is the rain and the puddles it formed.

“it’s so cold...” you murmur, staring at your murky reflection in the water. you don’t have the energy to glare anymore, to feel any anger or malice. but you also don’t want to let yourself to forget what this world has done to you so on repeat you curse the world and everything within it, even if they feel nothing but a few emotionless thoughts trailing around your mind.

a cold hand reaches to your cheek and pulls. you don’t feel anything. so you continue and pulling and pulling on them until you get even a semblance of pain or feeling. you get nothing again. so you dig your nails and let yourself bleed, to befoul the face of their beloved creator. this unremarkable, unrecognizable, unlovable face... you hated it even more.

blood drips down yoru cheeks and joins the droplets. there is a glow from them that is unrecognizable to you as you continue to try and feel. as the glow dissipates, they drop to the ground.

your hand falls limply to the side. you are pathetic. hopeless.

the sound of footsteps from your behind are muffled by the stormy sounds of nature, but you hear them, nonetheless. the familiar survival instinct makes your legs twitch and force them to stand up, but you remain frozen to the ground as your dull eyes stare at your wretched reflection.

“pathetic and hopeless.” your words seem to make their steps falter.

“which one?” they ask.

“me, for the time being,” you whisper. “then when i ruin all of you, we’ll both be equally hopeless. when you cry to this creator of yorus, i’ll stand back and watch.”

creaking your neck to the side, your bloody grin peeks from under the shadows of your clothes.

whatever creator you resemble, you don’t look much like them anymore. you look like your own monster.

so who will place the leash for now?

author’s note! no more forgiving sagau mcs. where’s the fun in that. send the genshin character you want to see mc gaslight gatekeep girlboss 

[xiaoshng]

request (cause im dumb and accidently deleted it) :

“ dont go. ”

pairing : diluc x gn!reader

warnings : angst, fluff ending

word count : 864

a/n : im so sorry for taking forever with this, just went on like a week break, back and better now!

when you came back home from some of your duties outside of the walls of mondstadt, you wanted to take a nice warm bath. you wanted to settle down a bit as you were too exhausted to even lift a finger. this was not you had expected nor wanted.

It came back to you that diluc, your boyfriend for about a few months now, had been previously injured due to his late night dark knight hero responsibilities. that gave you even more of a reason to hurry back to your shared space with him. even though you were tired out of your mind, you didn’t mind preparing some feasible things to eat for dinner. this would be a relaxing night wouldn’t it be?

“diluc. what do you mean you’ll be going out again?”

“I have things to attend to, s/o. my injuries can't stop me from stationing around mondstadt. understood?” he had his head turned to you, while his body was facing the door. you could tell that he was limping, that his injuries did in fact hurt. he was standoffish, what he always acted like when he was bothered by something. as he reached for the doorknob, you spoke up.

“you’re hurt diluc, you could get even more hurt if you step out of these walls again. at least until you’ve recovered yourself.” you didn’t mean to sound pushy, in fact all you wanted was for him to rest for longer. maybe even spend some more time with you, as it didn’t even seem like you guys were in love anymore.

you knew diluc had things to do. you’ve never stopped him from what he was doing, but as he slowly started disappearing at god knows what time every day, you were left always eating at night and putting his plate full of food back into the fridge.

“why do you suddenly start bothering me about my things? I have a place to protect, stop pushing me around all the time.” you stared back at him and stood up from the dining table. “I just want you to take a break! the guards are there for a reason diluc, can't you understand?” your eyebrows were furrowed and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh. again, you were tired. you didn’t want to deal with this. “those guards can’t do anything on their own! just leave me be and go do the things that you need to do. I'm going out.” he was facing you directly now, arms crossed.

“what do you even do everyday s/o? go out and talk to your friends? I dont stop you from going out whenever you feel pleased to do so. even if you did get hurt it's not like I would make such a huge deal out of it!” now his eyebrows were furrowed. he didn’t budge, nor did he rethink his words that had just been thrown at you. did you mean nothing to him?

“do you even love me anymore? It seems like i'm the only one doing something these days to try to salvage this relationship.” you stand a few steps away from him. was this truely what he had felt?

“I'm not doing this anymore s/o. look, i'm leaving and when I come back we can t-” In the spark of the moment, the palm of your hand made contact with the right side of his cheek. seconds in, you had regretted it, but maybe it was just the thing to bring him back to reality. It stung, and was evident that you had slapped him. his cheek was slightly red, as you could make out your hand print only by squinting.

“just…just listen to me ok? I can’t have you going out again and returning back here almost half dead! If I ever lost you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I don't care if you don’t care about my well being, but at least… take care of yourself.”

diluc took a short breath in. why did your words hurt so much? had he left you so often that you felt so... unloved? It was only a few instants until he had you cradled in between his two arms. he did care about you. a little too much actually.

“Im.. sorry. this wasn’t what I wanted to happen. Im sorry. please..don’t leave me. I promised i'll fix this, I’ll take a break, I...I love you.” he was quick with his words, had if he said it any faster, you would have to ask him to repeat it all over again. “I love you s/o. I apologize that you ever felt that way. can we maybe..lie down for a bit?” he was overworked, his body was warmer than usual, and as you expected, he had developed a fever. you dragged him over to the bed and laid him down, while walking out. as you did, diluc grabbed your hand and dragged you back down on him. “I asked for both of us. not only me.” his lips curved into a small smile as his eyes were closed.

maybe you could lie down for a bit.

[rebeccccccaaa]

ʙɪɢɢᴇsᴛ ғᴇᴀʀs

_________________________

ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ: (ANON) Heyyya I saw that you were taking requests! I love your writing and could I maybe get a fic where the reader is slightly new to the avengers and they’re at one of Tony’s parties and someone tells the entire team how she’s always felt that no one could lover her and somehow Bucky reveals his feelings for her and it maybe ends in smut or fluff? Thank you 💗

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: Smut 18+, Bucky gets upset and it’s kinda hot ;), insecure!reader, fluff

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Thank you for the request darling! I tweaked it a bit but i think i did alright… Anyhoo enjoy!!

_______________________

“Quite the party, Tones. Really one up yourself tonight didn’t you?” Nat said after everyone cleaned up. It was around one in the morning, Everyone that Tony invited to yet another extravagant party had finally left.  Leaving you and the rest of the team for a small little after party,  as per usual  according to Nat.

You joined the Avengers not long ago and you had yet to be invited to one of Tony's parties.  This was the first of many to come and boy, did those fantasies get fulfilled.  Guests dressed to the nines occupied every corner of the room, it was almost too crowded for your taste. 

But now here you were settled on the couch with the rest of your teammates laughing and giggling about stupid things that happened during the party. 

“Hey, you had fun,” Tony pointed sternly at Nat, who simply shrugged with a devilish smirk. 

“So what now? Because I don’t know about you guys but I am not tired at all,” Clint groaned.

“Truth or dare?” Nat said.

“What?” 

“Truth. Or. Dare,” she repeated.

“Dare,” he challenged.

“Lift Thor’s hammer,” she mocked, considering the last they all tried it no one succeed and a robot crashed their party.

“Alright,” he grunted, standing up.

“Tony, got any robots that wanna kill you this time?” He laughed.

“I don’t think so,” Tony looked around, making everyone laugh.

“What happened last time?” you whispered to Bucky. 

“I have no idea, I was in hiding after I almost killed my best friend,” he whispered back.

“I’m so sorry,” you had a shocked look on your face.

“It’s ok, doll. We’re all fine and dandy now,” he winked, making you feel flustered. 

Bucky had the one you felt most friendly with. Nat too but you usually spent most of your time with him. He was just so nice to you and not to mention how incredibly charming and handsome he is.

“Had enough?” Nat said.

“Bitch,” Clint grumbled before sitting down after having failed yet again to lift Thor’s hammer.

“Who’s next!”

You guys went back and forth giving dares to everyone, from making Steve and Bucky have a beer chugging contest, to asking Vision if he had a dick, you know being a robot at all, to you taking three shots of tequila with no chase, ultimately failing and almost dying.

“Ok, we’re doing too many dares; I’m running out of ideas,” Nat laughed.

“Y/n, truth or dare.”

“Truth, I guess,” you said.

“What’s… your biggest fear?” a collection of ‘ooh’s’ and ‘ah’s’ echoed.

“Oh, well uh… clowns,” you chuckled, not really wanting to reveal you real fear; you felt it was kinda stupid.

“Clowns? Bitch, please. What is it for real?” Nat scooted to you.

“Um… well, uh-”

You took a deep breath.

“Being unlovable,” you whispered.

“What? We love you, Y/n. You’re family now; we all love you,” Steve spoke up.

“Yeah we love you,” everyone chimed in. 

“I know it’s stupid,” you said, shaking it off.

“It’s not stupid if it’s your biggest fear,” Nat said rubbing your back.

“I guess what I mean is… You know that love where you just think about that person and your palms get sweaty, you start feeling hot, your stomach kind of erupts into butterflies. And it's just because you thought about them. You see their smile and you want to smile too. You see them laugh and it's music to your ears; and all you can think about for the rest of the day is how you can make that person laugh again. And when you touch them, your fingertips start to tingle. Your body turns cold and then they leave and then your body turns really hot and you get super sweaty. That kind of love is so intimate between you and that person. I've never had that and I'm terrified that I never will.”

Everyone looked at you with their full attention. They never really thought about it because they’ve all loved someone. Steve felt that way about Peggy, Tony with Pepper, Nat and Bruce felt that way with each other, Thor had Jane, Clint was married and had a family, Wanda and Vision. It was just you Sam and Bucky and it was obvious you three had never been in love like that.

“How can you say that?” Bucky broke the silence.

“What?”

“How can you be afraid you’ll never be loved? Y/n, any man, woman, anybody would be the luckiest person alive to call you there’s. You are so special and unlike anybody I’ve ever met. I see you smile and it’s like a work of art. Your laugh is the most precious thing I’ve ever heard. Everytime you touch me I can’t help but wish…,” he paused, remembering there were other people around.

“You’re perfect and anyone who can’t see that is goddamn fucking idiot,” he huffed. Bucky didn’t give anyone time to process what he said before he left the room to his own.

“I think I’m done… for the night,” you whispered walking out. 

“Yeah good night guys,” Nat followed you out. 

Everyone scattered and went to their rooms, tension still in the air. You went to your room and thought about Bucky’s words. It felt like there was something between you two but it was exactly clarified. You changed into sleepwear and decided to talk to Bucky real quick before bed.

“Buck?” you softly knocked on his door.

“Hey,” he said, awkwardly opening the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” he opened the door wider and closed the door behind you.

“I thought about what you said, tonight.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to upset you or make you uncomfortable,” he scratched his neck.

“I’m not upset.”

There was a moment of silence between you.

“Y/n,” he spoke up.

“Yeah?” 

“I like you,” he said bluntly.

“So when I heard you say you didn’t know if you were unlovable I got kinda upset because well,” he trailed off.

 “Really?” you asked, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I get it if you don’t-”

“No! I do, I do. I like you,” you laughed. Bucky breathed out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He walked closer to you until he stood toe to toe with you. Your stomach fluttered like you wished it would for so long before . You felt hot and resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n,” he cupped your face.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Yes, please,” you responded.

You melted ainst Bucky when his lips touched yours. You felt unsteady and reached forward to holding his waist, smaller than you originally thought. He walked slowly forward until your knees buckled and you sat on the bed. 

You fell back and pulled on top of you making Bucky’s hips settle between your legs. His rough hands felt gentle moving slowly up your body under your shirt. His hands brushed the curve of your breasts making you gasped lightly. 

Bucky lips traced your jaw line and you moved your head back giving him room to nip at your neck. Your hands instinctively went to hair and you moaned softly at Bucky's lips on your neck. 

You slightly pushed him off of your body and lifted his shirt. Bucky lifted his arms not without a chuckled and discarded to the floor. You moaned at the sight of his muscular torso, your nails lightly scratching him make his abs tighten under your fingertips.

You practically tore your own shirt off before throwing yourself to him kissing him hard. He laughed wrapping his arms around your bare torso bracing himself from falling on the floor with his feet.

“You’re so handsome, Bucky,” you giggled.

“And you’re so gorgeous,” he responded.

You both rid of your bottoms and you laid back for Bucky to hover over you. His eyes were lustful, nearly black, as he stared hungrily into your own. Your skin raised, chills running down your spine. Bucky kissed you as he lined himself with your entrance. 

Up until this moment you hadn’t realized how wet you were, arousal practically oozing from you onto your thighs. You peeked in between your bodies and was taken back by his impressive size.

“Is it gonna fit?” you looked up at him.

“Of course. But if not, well there are plenty of ways to give my girl pleasure.”

“Your girl?” you smirked.

“Hell yeah, doll. I didn’t almost reveal that I’ve been waiting to get my hands on your delicious body for nothing.”

“You’re too funny,” you kissed his nose.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his face softening.

“Yeah.”

He pushed himself in sliding easily from your slick. You closed your eyes and moaned as did Bucky, throwing his head back slightly from pleasure.

“You feel fucking amazing, baby,” he groaned.

You just moaned feeling incredibly full. You squeezed his shoulders allowing him permission to move and he resisted thrusting animalistically because you felt so velvety. You felt so warm and perfect; like you made for him and him for you.

“Fuck, Bucky. Harder please. Fuck me hard.”

“You sure honey?” he questioned not wanting to hurt you.

“Yes, please!”

He grabbed your hands and brought them over your head thrusting into like a maniac. Your back arched causing Bucky to hit an entirely new angle making you moan louder. 

“God you sound so fucking pretty. Those precious little sounds from me fucking you stupid,” he whispered lowly in your ear. 

“Fuuck!” you drew out. Your legs wrapped around Bucky pulling him closer chasing your orgasm. 

“Look at that, baby. Look how your pussy’s taking me,” Bucky grunted. 

You looked down to see the lewd image of Bucky going  and out of you repeatedly. It was so eroctic however, and you moaned before finally feeling the tightened coil in the pit of your stomach burst. 

Your back arched once again and your arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck after he let go reaching his own high too. You both moaned before settling in silence; your body trembled under him and Bucky breathed heavily into your shoulder.

“Fuck, that was unbelievable, doll,” Bucky laughed.

“Yeah, man. You’ve got a good dick,” you smirked.

“If you let me, I want to take you out. On a real date,” Bucky said.

“I’d love that,” you smiled. 

You two fell asleep that night and woke up in each other's arms. Bucky took out to breakfast, then lunch, and then dinner. You guys didn’t like the food at the restaurant too much so you used Tony’s card that you snuck out and went to McDonald’s dressed highly inappropriately, better dressed for Tony’s party than this. 

Nonetheless, it was perfect and that fear you had long disappeared for everyday bucky made sure you knew he loved you. And of course you did the same.

[salty-sith-bitch]

Hey, so I saw you needed some writing ideas. I was wondering if you would be ok writing a platonic Mando/Reader (the reader is like a teenager or young adult), where the reader gets anxious when Mando is gone for long periods of time hunting for bounties due to past trauma of their family leaving them (albeit not on purpose, they were taken away). And since they have to stay on the ship and take care of the child, they can’t go with him to make sure he’s alright. Just something I thought of.

This is very angsty I AM SO SORRY! I absolutely enjoyed writing this and it's probably one of my favorite pieces. 

The reader and Mando have a sweet platonic almost father/ child relationship in this.

Ni cuy' olar ad'ika (I am here Little one)

Wanings: Hurt/comfort, angst

Words: 1557

Ao3

"I'll be back," the Mandalorian said to you as he descended the ramp of the crest.

You nodded as you snuggled the child. Giving a soft coo the child looked up at you and moved his ears. Sighing you turned and entered the crest, heading off to make lunch.

***

You decided to eat lunch outside and enjoy the sunlight with the child while you could. It had been a while since your trio had inhabited a warm plant. The sun's rays kissing your skin left you feeling warm and hopeful. Hopeful for a better future and of not being alone again. 

It felt like home. The home you once knew for nearly 17 years where you had never felt alone or unloved. Where you had a garden and a family. Where cooking lessons from mother took place and sarcastic banter with your father. Where giggles from your brother bounced off the walls as he pulled your hair.

Eyes stinging and bottom lip quivering you looked down at the child as he brought his soup up to his mouth. Just like him, you had been alone until Mando found you. A child without parents or someone to take care of you. Lost and abandoned trying to find your place in the galaxy.

Before you met Mando you had been loved by your parents. They worked hard for you and your brother and made every moment worth living. Your home had been small and your parents would work until exhaustion overtook their bodies, leaving you to cook and look after your brother. You would tend to the garden and sew clothes for the family. Each day you would thank your mother for the skills she taught you and your father for his sense of humor and hard work. Your family was all you had known In life. It was all you needed. It was home. Where you felt safe and adored.

But everything changed when the troopers came. To this day you swear you can still smell the fires and feel your lungs ache as they tried to breathe anything besides ash. The fires and storm troopers engulfed your village, taking the children and killing off anyone who tried to stop them. 

Your parents had gone out earlier that day to the market and had never returned. They had taken your brother as you spent the day reading and basking in the sunlight in the garden. The first sound of blaster fire startled you, your muscles freezing as you pulled a vegetable from the soft soil beneath your feet. It was another couple of moments before the next round of blaster shots could be heard, this time closer.

When you could finally move again you looked off into the distance as the fires grew and smoke filled the sky. Panicking you ran inside and hid in the back of your parent’s closet. That was where your parents had told you to go if there was ever an invasion. They had created a room that was safe and where no one could find you. You waited and waited for your front door to be knocked down and for you're home to be stormed. No troopers ever came in search of you though. 

Neither had your parents.

You had spent days in and out of sleep not daring to leave the confined space of your hideout. On the third day, you had awoken to the noise of the front door opening and the shuffle of heavy footsteps. You waited a couple of minutes silently crying and praying to the maker that you wouldn't be found. Minutes turned into an hour, then two, then three, and eventually, night has fallen.

You knew whoever had intruded your home had not left yet and they didn't seem like they were in a hurry to. You waited until the early morning just before sunrise to try and sneak out from your hidden space and had almost made it to the front door when heard the click of a blaster and felt the barrel of it pressed into your back.

It was then that the Mandalorian and Grogu had found you, starving, dehydrated, and filthy. You broke down crying and begging for him to just kill you. You refused to be taken as anyone's slave, servant or turned into a soldier. 

Watching you shake and please for death Mando had gracefully holstered his blaster and instead comforted you, explaining he would not hurt you and that he could leave once the sun rose and his child woke. In response, you told him that you would instead go. This place was a house but no longer a home.

Putting the pieces together the Mandalorian sympathized with you and offered you a new beginning and what would eventually become your home. He expressed his concern about his son and needing someone to watch him while he went on missions. You considered and said you would think about it. Mando would be leaving later that night and told you that if you decided to join him to meet him at his ship just before sundown.

That evening Mando found you sitting outside of his ship with the few belongings you had and any produce that had not wilted from the ash and fires. The Mandalorian didn't say much or ask much of you and you quickly fell into a routine with him and the kid.

That had been nearly a year ago. You had been too old to be a foundling but too young to become a bounty hunter yourself so you stuck with watching the child much as you did now.

Looking down at the child again you saw his eyes begin to droop. Smiling weakly you packed up the remaining bits of lunch and scooped up the child.

"Naptime my friend."

Grogu cooed, nuzzling his head into your chest.

Making your way into the ship you shut the ramp and laid with the child on Din's cot until you both fell into a deep slumber.

***

Three days. It had been three days since Din left to go search for his bounty. You generally didn't worry but when his adventures hit the three-day mark anxiety started to kick in. You knew Din was capable of handling himself and would always comm you if there was trouble or if he needed you to fly the Crest to him. Despite knowing all of that you couldn't fight the bile that rose in your chest and the tunneling sensation of the world around you.

By sundown, on that night  you felt like a walking corpse. You hadn't eaten but still had to fight the urge to throw up or break down crying. Grogu had watched you in concern all day and had been extra cuddly and affectionate. He could sense your unease and see your fear through forced smiles and glossy eyes. 

Bedtime came early that night for the little womp rat. Trying to comfort you tuckered him out.

Having time to yourself is both a blessing and a curse. You could cry freely without being embarrassed and without tiring out the kid but it also reminded you that you were alone and what you had lost. It reminded you that it could happen again. That the family you now had could be torn apart just as easily as your last.

Sobbing, you sat in Din's chair in the cockpit wrapped in your favorite blanket from home. It still had the smell of your mother's perfume and your father's aftershave on it. Realizing one day that that too would fade and disappear you wept harder, letting out gasps of air as your lungs tried to replenish themselves. The material of the blanket caught the tears that rolled down your face and you wrapped it tightly around you in desperation to feel close to your family again. Eventually, your body gave up on supporting you and you fell out of the pilot's chair and laid on the cold metal ground. Eyes squeezed just hit salty tears continued to flow and splash onto the worn metal of the Crest. 

You don't know how long you were down there or how long you had been crying but you felt yourself being lifted and scooped into a hug. You wailed into Din's chest as he slowly rocked you.

"Ni cuy' olar ad'ika." His unmodulated voice rang through your ears and you felt his own tears fall down and into your hair.

You may have been too old to be a foundling when Din found you but he still adopted you as his own. He treated you as I'd you were his own child, laughing when you laughed, threatened to take away credits when you sassed him and cried when you cried.

He understood your pain and hurt and his chest tightened every time you shed a tear. He knew you longed for your parents as much as he longed for it. If there was a way he could bring your parents back he would. You would do the same for him if you could.

That was not a possibility though and you both knew it. Instead, the three of you made your own family. Your own clan.

This is the way.

Rocking together on the floor of the cockpit you both cried into the night.

[imaginesga1ore]

Loves Harsh Reality

Summary: Life is a bitch.

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Reader, Avengers x Reader (all platonic)

Warnings: swearing, mention of past/current abuse

Prompt: “You want what everyone wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and maybe even a little danger.”

Word Count: 1780

Do not copy, translate, or post any of my stories anywhere you write stories, whether that’s here, Wattpad, or Ao3.

-----------------------------

Life never treated you well. Not even when you were just an innocent child, trying to navigate your way in this terrible world. You were forced into a cold and unloving organization that was run by people who don’t really give a shit that you were only 2 when they stole you. They never treated you like a human, more like a laboratory experiment, which kind of went haywire. When you were brought in, the sleaze running this entire operation stripped you of everything you had so far, which was only a name you had just barely begun to learn, and they assigned you a number, much like a court case; experiment 973. And that’s what you went by for the next 23 years of your life.

The day you were rescued from that deranged and psychotic place was...hectic to say the least. It began like any other day while you were their little pet; get woken up at the ass crack of you don’t know when, test out your powers until you physically passed out and then get ungracefully woken again only to be forced to use your powers. This continues for hours on end before these assholes make you go fight actual people in hopes that you aren’t lacking in physical strength. You fight until bodies start piling up and when your sadistic handlers are satisfied with your progress, as if you haven’t they haven’t been training you to take down monsters bigger than Goliath himself. But something wasn’t right and you could feel it in the enclosed space of your cell.

While you normally had a rough awakening by someone poking, prodding, and eventually yanking you out of bed, nobody was there. In fact, there wasn’t even a peep from the cells neighboring yours. That was until you heard multiple gunshots and multiple bodies slumping against the floor. See, the thing about HYDRA is that they’ve trained you for this exact moment but every single ounce of training they’ve ingrained in your body and mind left the building completely as you hunkered down against the wall furthest from the thick, metal door barricading you from the outside world.

Suddenly, the door you were just measly standing behind came crashing down, dust from the unwashed floor rising. After the dust settled, you looked up to see the poster boy of HYDRA himself, the Winter Soldier. “Steve, I’ve got a live one here. Female, looks to be in her mid-20s,” he whispered into his ear piece. He slowly moved closer, putting his weapon away as he noticed your frail body shaking from fear. “У тебя все нормально? Я ведь не бил тебя дверью?*” Shaking your head, the soldier stopped in front of you, kneeling next to you. “Меня зовут Баки. Что у тебя?” Shrugging your shoulders, you made an attempt to look over at him. “That’s ok. How long have you been here?”

“двадцать три года*,” you said, a bit of hesitation in your voice, finding it hard to speak after decades of being punished if you spoke out of turn. As you finished speaking, you heard another voice, one which you assumed belonged to this Steve person.

“Хорошо. Стив дал мне добро, чтобы мы могли убираться отсюда,” Bucky said, standing back up on his feet. But you weren’t too sure about this. Along with your training, your handlers had pushed on you the notion that the Avengers, and anyone associated with them, were out to harm you, always, and that’s why you needed to be able to defend yourself.

“Ты ведь не сделаешь мне больно, верно? О-или убить меня,” you asked, clear hesitation towards the soldier who was about to grant you freedom from this hellhole.

Bucky looked at you with sympathy drawn over his features. Shaking his head, he gently grabbed your hands, a shiver traveling up your spine at the coolness from the vibranium arm. “Конечно, нет. Я вытащу тебя отсюда.”

-TIME SKIP-

It had been a few months since the Avengers had rescued you from HYDRA and you were beyond grateful that Bucky had stumbled upon you that day. But the fear that HYDRA had instilled in you about being near the Avengers was still running rampant in your system. Whenever someone knocked on your door, or came up behind you, your fight or flight instincts kicked in like that of an animal in the wild. You thought it’d be better by now, considering you have been going to therapy since coming to the compound. But today, all your frustrations came to a head.

You probably should’ve been in bed considering it was 4 in the morning but you needed to burn off some steam. What you failed to realize was that a certain super soldier was sitting in one of the boxes above the training center, watching your every move. But, him being a super soldier meant that he could pick up on more than you realized. Bucky had noticed that blood dripping onto the floor, which came from your terribly wrapped hands.

He knew you were on edge, but not like you were when he first got you out. By the time that you realized Bucky was in your presence, it was a bit too late. You felt a hand on your shoulder; two seconds later you had the body attached to the arm on the floor, your other arm extending towards their throat, keeping them pinned to the floor.

Once the haze cleared, you could tell who it was that you had down on the ground. “Buck? Oh my god.” Quickly pushing yourself off of him, you started pacing the gym floor. “Fucking shit. I am so sorry Bucky. I-I didn’t mean to do it. Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” You kept rambling and pacing until Bucky stopped you, stepping in front of you to stop you from wearing a hole in the floor.

“I am fine, кукла. Are you ok? Your hands are bleeding.” Looking down, you saw the streaks of red coming out from under the tape on your hands. “Let’s go get you fixed up, ok?” Nodding, you followed Bucky out of the gym and towards the medical center. “So, what’s got you going at 4 in the morning anyway?”

“I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried. I even tried that tea Wanda suggested. By the way, don’t drink it. It tastes like dirt.” Bucky chuckled as you sat on a gurney, grabbing supplies from the cabinets. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t we wait for, you know, a doctor, or an actual medical professional to come in and do this,” you immediately questioned him.

“Do you seriously doubt my suturing skills? I did serve in World War II, so I’m pretty confident that I know my way around a needle and thread,” he said, carefully unraveling the useless tape from around your knuckles, taking a look at the damage. “Yeah, this’ll probably take a little bit, but don’t you worry, Dr. Barnes is always here to help.” Bucky smiled at you, calming your nerves the tiniest bit.

After prepping and numbing you properly, Bucky began stitching your open wounds shut. “So, do you wanna talk about why you couldn’t fall asleep? Talking might help, at least it usually does for me,” Bucky asked, not taking his eyes off his work in progress.

“I, uh, I keep having nightmares. They went away for a bit, when I could actually sleep for the night, but for some reason, they’ve come back,” you admitted quietly, almost like it was a dirty little secret.

“Well, you’ve only been here a few months so I wouldn’t expect your nightmares to just instantly go away. It took me a few years to actually get a good night's sleep with them waking me or anybody else up. So I know exactly how you feel,” he said, finishing up before wrapping your hands in sterile dressings. “And you are all set. Now, no excessive force, which includes going to the gym at 4 in the morning and working out like you are about to fight the Hulk.” You laughed lightly, shoulders loosening up.

“Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, you just stitched up my hands cause I got too into my own brain after I almost choked you when you could’ve just dropped me here and gone back to bed.” Tears filled your eyes once more, a thickening feeling surrounding your concerns.

Bucky sighed, gingerly sitting next to you on the gurney. “When I found you at the base, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy ride for you. Or for anyone here really. Adding another member to the team can sometimes jostle things around. And I knew for a fact that you would feel like an outcast amongst some of the biggest heroes the world has ever seen...so far,” he said as you laid your head against his arm, wiping away the tears that had made their way down your face. “And I thought maybe, just maybe, if we became friends or even just acquaintances, that you wouldn’t feel so alone here. Cause I know exactly how that feels. And ever since coming here, I can see what I looked like when I was found; lost, felt like I didn’t deserve anything good or even deserving of love. But even though you hide it with a sort of tough exterior and you’re used to being trapped away, I can tell you something about yourself that you probably don’t even know,” Bucky said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Oh yeah? What would that be,” you asked, quite curious as to what he may have found out.

“You want what everyone wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and maybe even a little danger. Cause that’s exactly how I feel right now.” At some point, of which you weren’t sure, Bucky had hooked his fingers under your chin, turning your face up to meet his. Your eyes finally met his, capturing the look of a pure and innocent love in his icy stare. He slowly leaned down, but stopping right before your lips collided. “Is this ok?” Quickly nodding, Bucky pressed his lips to your own, cupping your face as your injured hands made their way to his sides.

Pulling back, Bucky rested his forehead against yours. “Never thought that this is how we would have our first kiss, doll,” he said, making you laugh which in turn caused him to chuckle. “But, I’m not at all opposed to it.”

“I’m glad. Now let’s get out of here. I’m tired.”

-----------------------------

1. У тебя все нормально? Я ведь не бил тебя дверью - Are you ok? I didn’t hit you with the door, did I?

2. Меня зовут Баки. Что у тебя? - My name is Bucky. What’s yours?

3. Это хорошо. Как давно ты здесь? - That’s ok. How long have you been here?

4. двадцать три года - 23 years.

5. Хорошо. Стив дал мне добро, чтобы мы могли убираться отсюда. - Ok. Steve gave me the go ahead so we can get out of here.

6. Ты ведь не сделаешь мне больно, верно? О-или убить меня? - You aren’t going to hurt me right? O-or kill me?

7. Конечно, нет. Я вытащу тебя отсюда. - Of course not. I’m going to get you out of here.

8. Кукла - Doll

If you see this on another blog, @multifandomwhre , that is my first blog where I submitted it to @sweeterthanthis “Quote Me” challenge. 

[rotshop]

I got angst idea. Jeb finding Reader after maybe the first 111a appearance, and finding them barely holding on.

Anon. anon im grabbing you by the hand. hand in unlovable hand. /lyr

but also ur brain is fukicng HUGE ,,, im gonna be honest i think i miiight've interpreted this wrong ,, woops ,, if u'd like me to do something more abt reader being hurt after a run in with the demon then feel free to re-send your ask!! also sorry if this isn't very good i am sweepy <3333

tw ; body horror, implied murder, light gore and angst !! also one mention of broken glass

Flesh and Bone

Jeb had been hesitant to head back out after what'd occurred last outing.He just couldn't tear the image of those beady eyes and gnarled teeth from the forefront of his mind. He'd always been terrible at sleeping, it was a habit of his he had yet to break, yet he doesn't think he's ever slept that horribly. Every time he closed his eyes and met the black of his eyelids he expected to see those same damn eyes again.

Reluctantly though, he'd forced himself to head out once more. There was far too much work to be done, him sitting and hiding away with his tail between his legs wouldn't help anyone. He'd reassured himself he'd be more prepared this time should the entity show back up. He tried to convince himself that if he seen any sign of them he would leave as quickly as possible. He knew how to pick his fights, he knew when he was biting too much off.

He'd had yet to come across anyone yet, the desert being even more barren than usual. The only sign of life was the drifting wind and the groans of buildings collapsing in on themselves. Every step of his echoed slightly, just barely noticeable as the wind howled knowingly. He was walking through an old street, the remains of it mere shambles and piles of bricks. There was a building or few that still stood, stubbornly waiting out the end with only itself for company.

That was when he'd seen it, a flash of matted white through the window of a building. He'd only caught the tail end of something, it disappearing around a corner of the building it inhabited. With narrowed eyes, he drew his sword cautiously before heading towards the building.

There wasn't anything immediately out of place, it seeming about as decrepit and laid to waste as every other building on the block. He'd paused for a moment, listening to the distant murmurs that he couldn't make out before quietly advancing. It didn't take too long to find the source of the noise, him drawing closer and closer as his grip on the handle of his blade tightened. As soon as the cause came into view though, the item clattered to the floor noisily.

You'd jumped at the sound, turning quickly to face the offender.

"[Name]?" He'd questioned breathlessly, pale as a sheet.

"..Jeb?"

The name had barely left your mouth before he was rushing up to you. You'd had no time to process much of anything as he'd wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him in desperation. He had one arm around your midsection, his other hand resting on the back of your head to keep it tucked under his chin as he buried his face in your hair.

He was sure you could feel how tightly he was clutching onto your lab coat. The fabric bunching up in his fist was a clear indicator of just how genuine his words were. He felt..light, warm and giddy with a certain life that'd left his bloodstream sometime after the first few deaths.

"I-I..You have no idea how happy I am to see you..I..I never thought I'd see you again, I thought that you'd-" he cut himself off as he stammered, clutching onto you.

You'd taken another moment or two for your mind to catch up before you sighed a little, tired smile finding its way onto your lips. He wouldn't have ever known, given he wouldn't be able to see from where he was. He wouldn't have ever known how miserable of a smile it was, how guilt and agony ripped up your spine and tore from your flesh like rats running from flame. He wouldn't have ever known how you choked on the mess of emotions in the back of your throat, how it clawed at the back of your teeth to scream out or shove him off.

"I've missed you too."

You hoped he missed the way you narrowly held back a sob as you spoke. You hoped he wouldn't pull away now and see the tears brewing in your eyes. You hoped he would turn and leave and you could run away once more. You hoped you wouldn't have to see as flesh was rendered and torn once more. You hoped you wouldn't have to feel as the blood dried to your hand despite it not being an action truly by them.

He did.

"I don't even know what to say I-I just.." he paused, "I'm so glad that you're ok."

You hated the smile in his voice. You hated how you could tell this was the first time in forever he'd let any tension leave his body, how this was the first spot of good for him in a while. You hated how gently he traced shapes on your scalp, fidgeting with the strands of hair between his fingers. You hated this.

"I'm happy to see you're alright too."

You were disgusted. Not at him, not even at yourself, but at luck. You were disgusted by its shameless cruelty. You were disgusted at how you could feel it laughing down at you before an audience, how they all stared and watched with grins. You were disgusted at how you'd turned from a renowned scientist who loved and was loved into a comedy of the universe around you.

You wanted to scream, to claw, to fight, to do anything to change what was inevitable.

But instead you finally moved your arms to cling onto him. It didn't take long before his confusion settled in, questioning what the weight around his torso had been before your arms had found their place there. You could feel him start to pull back to check, you didn't let him. You just held him tighter as your breath hitched.

You could hear him ask something distantly. You could hear concern and confusion in his tone as he struggled. You could feel how more of the- your tendrils wrapped around him like a boa constrictor, tighter and tighter around his torso as they crawled up and up. You could feel it all in such excruciating detail, you weren't even sure if it was you processing it at all.

His struggling grew and grew, fruitlessly trying to get free of them until he'd finally grabbed the sides of your face and forced your head up to meet his gaze. You could see the confusion and fear in his eyes, searching your face for some kind of explanation. You could see the blood drain, fear replaced with that sort of acceptance deers in headlights have. He was afraid with no freedom.

As he looked into your own reddened eyes and glanced down at ruby teeth, he felt something in him shatter.

Then he didn't feel anything at all.

[taetaespeaches]

“You can’t keep punishing yourself.”

jimin x reader (or oc) genre: fluff; angst word count: 2.6K

a/n: Hi, lovelies! In this one, Jimin and his Dear have been back together after their break up for a little over a month and Jimin addresses the fact that Dear hasn’t forgiven herself for past mistakes in their relationship (which was making him feel unloved by her). I hope you all enjoy, and thank you for reading! :))

READING over the recipe, you squinted your eyes, confused over the step by step instructions. Cooking never was one of your strengths. However, you were determined to prepare a delicious meal for Jimin, wanting to give him a perfect date night at home.

As you began chopping vegetables, the sound of the front door unlocking echoed through the apartment, you looking up with wide eyes. Shortly after the door closed, Jimin walked into the kitchen, his eyes widening to mimic yours.

“What are you doing home?” He asked in surprise.

“What are you doing home already?” You asked at the same time.

“We finished recording early,” he answered your question, still standing there staring at you in confusion.

“I’m cooking,” you said, your answer mingling with Jimin’s again.

The man laughed, making his way toward you, placing a hand at the bottom of your back as he leaned in to leave a kiss to your cheek. “Why are you cooking?” He asked.

Turning to face him, your eyes scanned his features for a moment before pressing your lips to his sweetly. “I wanted to have a little date night in,” you told him, the man unable to hold back a smile at your words.

Stepping behind you as you went back to chopping, he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “This is really sweet,” he told you sincerely, “but isn’t it girls’ night tonight?” He asked, the ‘girls’ being your boyfriend’s hyungs’ girlfriends, and well, yours and Taehyung’s mutual best friend.  

“How did you-” you started to dumbly ask how he knew about the girls’ plans until you remembered he did in fact just spend the whole day with the members. “Oh, the guys,” you answered your own unfinished question, Jimin giggling.

“Yeah, the guys,” he confirmed. “They were all talking about it today.” Looking at you for a moment, he cocked his head to the side. “But why didn’t I hear about it from you? Why aren’t you going?”

You loved girls’ night, but lately, you felt like spending time with Jimin was more important. Your previous conflicts within the relationship were concluded, and the two of you were happier than either of you had been in months. However, your guilt was casting over every moment; not ruining any of your time with your boyfriend, but simply lingering in a gloomy shadow. A reminder of how you made the love of your life feel. Unloved.

“I felt like spending the night with you,” you shrugged nonchalantly. Your boyfriend didn’t say anything, but rather hummed in thought.

Leaving a kiss to the side of your neck, he let go of you before walking to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “You love girls’ night though,” he finally spoke before taking a sip of the water.

“I love you more,” you added, turning to the recipe to read over the next step.

“It’s not a competition, you can love me and still go have fun with the girls,” he told you, tip toeing around his concern.

“I know,” you nodded, looking over your shoulder at him. “I just want to show you I love you,” you admitted, rather nonchalantly for the culpability you both knew shrouded the statement.

Returning your attention to the green beans you just chopped the ends off of, you didn’t see the way Jimin looked at you sorrowfully as he realized how much guilt you’d been carrying for much too long.  He was aware you hadn’t forgiven yourself fully for the period of time where Jimin felt unloved by you, but he didn’t quite understand the extent of your remorse until that moment.

“Blanch?” You asked out loud as you leaned closer to the recipe. “What? How the fuck do you blanch something?” If Jimin’s heart wasn’t feeling so heavy due to realizing the weight that’s been burdening your own heart, he would have laughed at your outrage of the foreign task in the recipe.

“Dear,” he called out, you humming in response as you reached for your phone, preparing to look up this term ‘blanch’. “Dear, you’ve got to stop doing this,” he told you, you looking up from the phone distractedly, pointing your gaze to Jimin.

“Doing what? Cooking?” You joked, a smile forming on your boyfriend’s lips, as he was unable to hold it back.

“No,” he let out a light breathy chuckle. However, when the laugh faded, his face took on an expression of concern, your own face mimicking him as you discovered he was trying to discuss something serious. “You can’t keep punishing yourself,” he told you, your breath immediately hitching as the simple words easily struck down the walls built up around your regret.

Your lip quivering, you found it difficult to hold back the emotions that were always right below the surface, just barely concealed by your carefully crafted composure. Jimin watched you carefully as you blinked down at your phone.

Approaching you, he took the phone from your hands and set it down on the kitchen island before placing his water next to it. His own hand took your now empty ones as he held them comfortingly. “You’re the one who said that first. We can’t keep punishing ourselves,” he reminded you of the words you spoke over a month ago.

Looking up at him, you licked your lips, shaking your head as the tears poured over your bottom lash line. “I made you feel unloved,” you croaked out, Jimin immediately pulling you into a hug, wrapping his arms around the back of your head. Your face found solace against his neck as a sob racked through your frame, your arms weakly closing around Jimin’s trim waist as you hugged him back. “I’m so sorry, Chim,” you cried, Jimin settling a hand in your hair as he soothed your scalp.

“I know you love me,” he told you, your arms tightening around his waist at the sound of his voice. “Here, today, right now, I know you love me,” he assured you.

“I have never not loved you since I’ve known you, I swear,” you told him through your tears.

“I know that,” he whispered in his own shaky voice, you lifting your head from his neck to look at him.

“But you didn’t know that at one point,” you reminded him, Jimin looking at you with wide glassy eyes. “I just-” you cut yourself off as you tried to swallow back your emotions. “You were walking around here trying to feel my love in any way you could and I was too fucking absent to even notice,” you commented, disappointment at yourself seeping into your tone.

“You have to forgive yourself,” he told you as he stared into your eyes. “Or at least come to an understanding with your past self. We both made mistakes, but we’re so much better now, Dear.” Chewing on your bottom lip, you focused on holding back your tears, but that became increasingly hard with Jimin staring at you with so much care and concern. “You know I’ve forgiven you, right? If there was even anything to forgive, I did that a long time ago.”

Nodding quickly, you squeezed his side in your hand. “I know that, Chim,” you told him. You did know that, Jimin had never held a grudge against you since you’d met him. Even when you stupidly got back together with your ex, he never held any anger or disappointment against you.

“Have you forgiven yourself for everything that happened?” You asked him, Jimin moving his head from side to side just slightly showing his internal back and forth thought.

“I’m trying,” he told you with a tone of hopefulness, as if he believed he would reach a sense of peace about the entire break up eventually. “It helps knowing you’ve forgiven me,” he added.

“Yeah?” You asked, curious as to how he was feeling, and whether you believed you could achieve that level of forgiveness of your mistakes as well.

Nodding, Jimin pulled you toward him, pressing his lips to your forehead sweetly. “Us right now, and us in the future, matter more to me than the mistakes we made in the past,” he mumbled against your head, you sighing at his words and the touch.

“I’m sorry I don’t always know how to love you,” you said pitifully, Jimin pulling away from you a bit to look at your face, giving you a small sad smile.

“Sometimes we both don’t know how to love each other the way we want to be loved. But Dear, we always try and we always fight for each other. For three years we have fought so hard for an us,” he told you sincerely, tears collecting in your orbs once again. As they slid down your cheeks, Jimin brought his thumbs to your face to gently wipe them away.

Jimin’s eyes were puffy and beautiful as they stared at your face, full of adoration as he observed you. Looking at his kind features and his small warm smile, you wondered if it would ever be possible to forgive yourself for making him feel small.  

“I just hate knowing that I hurt you,” you cried, your voice frail from emotion, Jimin’s throat bobbing as he choked back his own emotions. “I never wanted to do that, but I did, and I loved you in a way that you couldn’t feel it,” you continued, Jimin slowly shaking his head.

Moving his hands to hold your cheeks, he stared into your eyes intently. “I need you to hear this, ok?” He started, you nodding weakly as he observed you intentfully. “I’ve shown you the worst of me, and you’ve chosen to still see the best,” he told you purposefully, wanting you to understand the words truly. “That’s what being loved by you is. That’s what your love feels like,” he assured you, tears forming in his eyes as they scanned your face, appreciating every feature for the umpteenth time. He was always appreciating you.

A sob escaped your lips at the words. You didn’t know just how badly you needed to hear them, but as they left Jimin’s soft lips, they began healing wounds you’d been pretending you didn’t have.

“Fuck the mistakes, Dear, I’m so sick of them haunting us,” he told you with a tone of frustration, a tear falling down his cheek only for you to wipe it away. “Projected insecurities, miscommunication, differing love styles, all of this shit is evidence that our relationship isn’t perfect, but that’s it. We’ve proven that our love is stronger than anything we’ve ever fucked up,” he insisted, and finally, for the first time in months, you found yourself letting go of the anger you’d been holding over your own head.

The ups and downs had been steep the past few months with Jimin, but more than anything, the downs showed you how much you still wanted Jimin. Even if your worst moments, you were always wanting him. “I love you,” he told you, the confession full of conviction and truth. “Truly and purely.”

“I love you, Chim,” you cried before pressing your lips to his, kissing the man hard and passionately. “I love you forever,” you mumbled into the kiss, Jimin swallowing the words as he kissed you back just as fervently.

Forgetting everything else in that moment, Jimin pulled you flush with his body as you lost yourselves in each other. Maybe sometimes you had to fall apart to come back together stronger and without inhibition.

Pecking your lips, he grinned. “Next girls’ night, you’re going,” he commented against your mouth, you giggling with a nod. “But tonight, I’m glad you’re mine.”

“I’m always yours,” you told him, Jimin pulling away to flash that pretty smile you loved to see more than anything in the world.

“Hang on, I want to play something for you,” he told you, reaching for your phone on the island and going to your music app, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand to rid himself of any tears that found their way to the surface.

At the hum of the echoed guitar and steady drum, you smiled at Jimin, just as he set the device back down on the countertop. “I love this song,” you told him as Beyonce began singing ‘All Night’.

“It reminds me of us,” he noted just as Beyonce sang “Trade your broken wings for mine, I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crimes”. Smiling at him, noticing the references that sounded like they could be from your relationship, Jimin’s hands found your waist as yours settled over his shoulders.

Swaying to the romantic, heavenly beat, you both simply took in the lyrics as you both thought upon your own union. Kissing each other’s crimes, forgiving the past and focusing on the present, looking forward to the future; the song really did sound like you both.

My love was stronger than your pride

Beyond your darkness I’m your light

You get deep you touch my mind

Baptize your tears and dry your eyes

Maybe it should have taken you longer to forgive Jimin for his mistakes, but it was so easy to forgive the man who only every looked out for your best interest. That’s why it was so easy to love him, even if you didn’t always know how to love him the way he wanted or needed. The love was always there, you both always felt it. Perhaps that was enough. In that moment, it sure felt like it.

They say true love’s the greatest weapon

To win the war caused by pain

But every diamond has imperfections

But my love’s too pure to watch it chip away

Carefree and happy in his arms, you gently tossed your head back, allowing the feeling to wash over you as Jimin watched you carefully, appreciating you. Always appreciating. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he leaned forward, kissing your very tops of your collarbones before trailing them up your neck to your jaw before nudging his nose against your cheek, placing pecks across their plushness.

“By the way,” he started, you widening your eyes as you looked at him curiously. “Blanching is when you boil the vegetables a bit but then submerge them in cold water to stop the cooking process,” he informed you, you looking at him in surprise and almost offense.

“How the hell do you know that?” You asked, Jimin throwing his head back in laughter before crumbling against your body, expressing his humor with his entire stature, you falling into giggles at his cute actions.

“I know a thing or two,” he told you, you shaking your head as you peered at his face.

He was so pretty, even with his reddened eyes. They were extra puffy from the tears, and you imagined yours were too, but he looked so happy. His smile was beaming as his full lips stretched into the prettiest shape. Jimin was stunning, and his contentment was radiating from him in the most gorgeous way.

Staring at him, you found yourself smiling affectionately as Jimin appeared bashful under your gaze. “What?” He asked shyly, that smile, your favorite one in the world, on display for you and only you.

“I just really love you,” you told him blissfully, Jimin’s smile spreading even wider across his face as a small giggle slipped out of him.

“I love you a lot, Dear,” he told you before kissing, pulling your body flush with his again.

You and Jimin weren’t perfect together, and you never would be, the miscommunications and misunderstandings inevitable. But with a love like yours, what did that matter anyway?

[mosswillow]

Learning To Love - Steve Rogers x Reader (featuring Texas vibes)

Summary: Life always does this thing where it puts you in situations you swore you were done experiencing. You’re done having relationships, but they may not be done with you.

Warnings: Smut, feelings, angst, interrupted assault  (In relation to this, attacker going unpunished, intimidation, stalker vibes.), mature themes, 18+ adult content, slow burn?

A/N: This is a gift for @joannie95 for the Hoelentine’s Day challenge! I hope you like it. This isn’t a dark fic but it is a little heavy, there’s a healthy dollop of anxiety and feelings throughout with a happy ending.

Thanks to  @amythedvdhoarder @chrissquares and @drabblewithfrannybarnes  for putting this whole thing together, it’s such a fun challenge!

By clicking keep reading you confirm you’re over 18. This is mature content, be careful.

Unlovable.

When asked to describe yourself it’s the first word you think of. Your very first boyfriend spent months emotionally abusing you and by the end of the relationship it’s what you truly believed about yourself. Every relationship after has been the same. Your insecurities and inability to trust causing tension that eventually sabotages any chance at making things work; and with each failed relationship your view of yourself becomes more and more loathsome. Self hatred and depreciation surround you in a cloak of misery, convincing you that they’re your friends.  It’s all your fault, you deserve all of it, You’re unlovable.

So you don’t do relationships anymore. You want nothing more than to love and be loved, to hold hands and kiss under the moonlight. You want a partner to share your life with, an emotional connection that transcends yourself, creating a whole new person.

If only you were good enough, worthy enough for love.

But you’re not.

---

“No eating in here Dr. Rogers,” you chide.

Steve looks up at you and gives a smirk.

“How about a little bribe.” He holds up a bag of beaver nuggets. You roll your eyes and look around before sticking your hand in and grabbing a few puffs.

“I knew you couldn’t be perfect all the time,” He teases.

“Don’t you have an office or something?”

“I like it better here, I get to be scolded by a beautiful librarian and don’t have to deal with the other professors.”  

You’ve known Steve for years. He started teaching at the same time you joined the library staff at Rice. He’s genuine and kind. You’ve watched him help countless students outside of office hours. Everyone likes him, including you. You really like him a lot. That’s why you can’t let yourself entertain the possibility of being with him. You can’t lose him. You can’t bear the inevitable conclusion of him looking you in the eyes and telling you he’s done, that you’re too much for him.

“Well you’ll have to pack it up, they’re sending everyone home because of the hurricane.”

“It’s barely even a hurricane, more like a tropical storm,” Steve scoffs.

“Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

You close the library down before heading to your car. The wind has already started and the sky darkens by the second. You smell the slight scent of sea air and know it’s close. The humidity, which you forgot could even get this bad, causes you to start sweating profusely and you want to get home and take a shower before the storm starts. You have a pint of blue bell waiting for you at home along with a stack of unread books, a quiet night sounds perfect.

“Hey.”

You whip around and see a familiar face, a grad student who visits the library often. Alex, you remember.

“Sorry, I just closed the library down. You'll have to wait until the school opens.”

He takes a small step forward, close enough that your personal space is violated, while at the same time far enough to where the invasion feels almost accidental.

“I’ve watched you around campus, noticed your schedule.” It’s not an accident.

It’s not unusual for students to flirt with you but this is less flirting and more just creepy.

“Oh, um yeah I work a lot.” you take a step back and he follows.

“You don’t have a boyfriend.” He states.

You stare at him and take another step back, hitting your back on your car. You grab onto the handle and he reaches out and grabs your hand.

“Hey don’t be like that. I’m a good guy. I won’t hurt you.”

You pry your hand away..

“One date, say yes.” He says, slowly pushing his body towards you.

“No, I have to go.”  

You press yourself against your car as his body goes rigid.

“You’re such a fucking tease, parading around me for weeks.”

He takes a tiny step back but places his hands against your car, caging you in. You close your eyes and freeze in fear. Your mind screams at you to move but your body just won’t.

He’s suddenly pulled away from you and when you open your eyes the only thing visible is Steve’s back.

“She said no, why don’t you move along and maybe spend some time considering why you feel entitled to women who clearly aren’t interested.”

Alex and Steve stare at each other for a few slow moments before Alex scowls at you and walks away.

“Are you ok?” Steve turns to you.

“I’m fine.” you lie, crossing your arms to avoid shaking.

Steve raises his eyebrows and looks you up and down. You’re not entirely sure how it happens but somehow you end up sitting in the passenger seat of Steve's truck, looking at your apartment building. Rain has started coming down in earnest and you dread running through it.

“Are you going to be ok alone?” Steve asks

“Are you?” You reply.

You look at eachother and your mind clears. His blue eyes stare at you with concern. Steve's hands are still on the steering wheel, clutching on like it might disappear if he lets go. You don’t want to be alone and you can tell that he doesn’t either. You want to feel safe and right now Steve is the only one who makes you feel that way. It would be so easy to invite him in, you know he would say yes.

“You don’t have a car. do you have food? Bottled water? A portable charger?” Steve asks.

“You’re the one that said it’s barely a hurricane.”

Steve sighs and releases his hands from the steering wheel.

“Just call me if you need me.”

You nod and climb out of the truck. The transition from the hot rain to your air conditioned apartment causes you to start shivering and even after you change and cover yourself in a warm blanket you still shake uncontrollably.

---

The storm lasts three days, worse than you were expecting but nothing like Harvey.

Steve shows up at your apartment bright and early a bag of conchas and breakfast tacos in hand. You climb in his truck and buckle your seatbelt. Steve eyes your book bag before backing up.

“You’re not going to work are you?”

“It’s been three days.” you reply.

He looks at you like you’re crazy and you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“It wasn’t that bad, you got there before anything actually happened,” you say.

He opens his mouth and breathes in before biting his lip and driving you to work without another word.

Steve walks you to your car every day after work. You don’t ask him to, he just does. It’s an unsaid expectation you both have. The first week is awkward, You both say almost nothing to each other. The second week though Steve finally breaks the silence.

“How have you been?”

You shrug.  

“I filed a complaint. He’s barred from the library and promised not to come near me.” you say.

Steve purses his lips.

“Do you feel safe though?”

“No...”

Steve stiffens and you reach out and grasp his shoulder.

“Thank you for walking me to my car.”

“Of course,” Steve closes the door for you and you drive away.

Steve cracked something on your exterior. You had been pushing off the feelings before Steve asked you how you were and now you can’t push them down any longer. You get in the shower and let the warm water wash over you. At first you feel raw and then angry and then for the first time since it happened you cry. It feels silly, to let something so seemingly small affect you so much. It could have been so much worse, it’s not like anything actually happened. Maybe that’s what scares you, not what happened but the implication of what could have. He invaded your space and intimidated you, making you feel small and helpless. If it wasn’t for Steve…

You let yourself fall apart until the water turns cold, then you pick yourself up and wrap yourself in a soft towel.

You look at the woman in your bathroom mirror and see someone who isn’t you. She’s broken and hurting, her eyes swollen from crying. She looks like she’s about to fall over from exhaustion. She didn’t deserve what happened to her. She has every right to feel upset and frightened about it. She didn’t deserve to have her safety threatened, nobody deserves that.

You didn’t deserve it.

You go to work the next day and the day after that. Days turn into weeks turn into months and the fear slowly leaches out of you as you reach out for help. The woman in your bathroom mirror deserves therapy and so do you.

Steve is always there. He walks you to your car every day. He starts texting you and you text him back. You go out to dinner with him, an ethiopian place this weekend and a mediteranian food truck the next. You form inside jokes and slowly you find yourself telling Steve little things about yourself.

“Why are you single?” You ask him one day.

“I had a girlfriend, she’s not with us anymore. After she… I guess I just… I wasn’t in a place for a long time to date anyone, I cringe now at some of the things I did while dating after she passed.”

He leans back and gives you a little smile.

“I’ll know when it’s the right time to jump back in - when it’s the right person.”

You open up about your past and he listens. He tells you about growing up as the smallest kid in his class, how he was bullied and how suddenly people started treating him differently when he hit a late growth spurt. You feel closer to him than you’ve ever felt with anyone.

---

Steve walks you to your car. Tomorrow is your off day and you stop to thank him and remind him you aren’t working the next few days. He’s looking at you and shifts on his feet, you furrow your brows in concern.

“It’s Valentine's day tomorrow.” He blurts out.

You take a step towards your car, knowing where this is going and not wanting it to go any further.

Steve is the one who holds you together, his friendship helping you in so many ways. He holds power over you though, power to throw you aside and break you apart. You can’t be cast away, not again.

“If you don’t have plans maybe I can make you something for dinner at my place?”

You turn away and grab your door handle.

“Sorry, I’m busy.”

“Oh of course, yeah that’s fine.”

You watch Steve bring his hand up to his forehead in the rearview mirror as you drive away.

That evening you write the text, it’s cowardly but you don’t think you can face him.

I don’t need you to walk me to my car anymore. Thank you for your help but I think our relationship should be professional from here on out.

What? No, we’re friends. Are you ok?

You turn your phone off and take a sleeping pill only to be woken in the middle of the night by pounding on your door.

Steve stands in your doorway. His eyes are red and his hair is messy. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair.

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“I turned it off.”

Steve stares at you and you look away.

“What is this about?”

“What is what about?”

“We’re friends. I’m not going to stop being your friend just because you don’t want a relationship. I know this isn’t one sided, that you feel the same way about me. Why are you trying to push me away?”

You cross your arms and look down and he leans over, putting himself in your line of sight.

“If I let you in I’ll get hurt,” you confess.

“Why do you think that?”

‘I..” You stutter

It’s not one moment. Not any one breakup you’ve been through. It’s not even what happened months ago during the hurricane. It’s everything. It’s self hatred, overthinking and analyzing. It’s all the anxiety and stress of life that compounds into fear. Fear of failing and of loss, of getting hurt and breaking. You feel like the only way to keep yourself up and moving is by pushing him away.

“You’re so scared of being hurt but Y/N, you’re hurting. You’re doing to yourself the very thing you’re so scared of.”

Tears start forming, Steve brings his hand up and wipes one away before pulling you into a hug and letting you cry into his chest.

He shifts his face close to your ear and speaks softly.

“I have fear too, but you know what I’m the most scared of? I’m scared of not being your friend anymore. We don’t have to be in a relationship but please don’t cut me out.”

His voice hitches and his grip tightens.

“I love you, I care about you and always will.”

You pull back and look at him, a tear escapes one of his eyes and he promptly wipes it away.

“I’m scared,” you say.

“I am too.”

Your heart beats rapidly as you look up into Steve's bloodshot eyes and see the pain that you’re feeling mirrored back at you. Steve holds power over you but for the first time you realize that you hold that same power over him. You never thought you would be willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position again but somehow, here you are. You put your hand over your heart and feel the life pump out if it and through your veins.

reaching up tentatively, you bring your hand to his face grabbing his cheek gently. You stand up tall and slide your hand behind his neck, bringing him in and kissing him. Tension releases from both of you as you press your lips together, embracing in a warm hug. You pull away and he brings you in for another kiss, this time pushing you into your apartment and kicking the door closed behind him.

It’s a flurry of body parts and heat. You’re ripping off each other's clothing. Steve kisses your neck and you bring your hand to his chest and feel down his abdomen. He groans when you get to his dick and the next thing you know you’re on the bed arching your back as he slams into you. You open your mouth to moan but nothing comes out, Instead your eyes roll to the back of your head as an orgasm washes through you and carries you away.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” He says.

He stills on top of you and then looks down making eye contact before rolling beside you and pulling you into a hug.

“That was...” Steve starts

“Amazing.” you finish.

You pry yourself from Steve and walk to the bathroom to clean up, stopping at the mirror to look at your post sex appearance.

Maybe there’s no way around it. Maybe life will stick you in situations and force you forward against your will. You weren’t trying to let Steve into your life but somehow here he is.

For the first time you don’t don’t feel like this unlovable person. You’re not scared he’s going to leave you or that you’re going to ruin the relationship.

You have a feeling you’ve never truly experienced before and now it all makes sense. Somehow in the last few months you’ve learned to love. You look at yourself in the mirror and see someone worthy.

You’ve spent all your time and energy pushing people away when you should have been building yourself up. You thought that taking care of yourself meant hiding away and putting up a wall.

Self care isn’t a bubble bath or a glass of wine and It’s not something that happens out of fear or anxiety. It’s affording yourself the same kindness and forgiveness that you would give anyone else. It’s looking at yourself in the mirror and recognizing that you deserve to love and to be loved. It’s giving yourself permission to feel however you feel without guilt or shame. It’s love in its purest form and you deserve it.

You are not unlovable.

Steve walks up beside you and kisses your temple.

“When you said you loved me...” you start.

“I meant it.”  He says quickly.

You turn and look at him, biting your lip before saying something you’ve been so scared of for so long. You kiss his cheek and smile.

“I love you.”  

[plasticnightmaredoll]

This is an idea/scenario I’ve had for a good while now pertaining to Arkham Knight Riddler. I don’t know if it’s any good -- it may be too “fluffy” to be in character -- but I wanted to write it down and get it out there, see what people think. Ironically, the idea came from a similar one involving Telltale Riddler, and I may post that one someday, too, but this AK Riddler one is...very different. Different in regards to a lot of headcanons, imagines, drabbles, etc. about him.

So, the scenario is like this: Someone wants to fuck with this poor guy -- not Batman, not one of the Bat family, not even one of the Gotham Rogues. It could be some random new villain, someone who is maybe more sadistic than any of the Rogues (save for Joker). I thought about this antagonist kidnapping AK Eddie’s s/o and holding them hostage …

But with a twist.

Catwoman has nothing to do with this because she’s not evil, but I thought about the explosive collar Riddler put on her in Arkham Knight, and what if this antagonist -- to really mess with Eddie -- decides to put such a collar on his s/o? And Riddler has to show up and complete some tasks (dangerous puzzles and riddle-based traps most likely), or else, his s/o loses their head.

Of course, Eddie shows up because he’s panicking. This was never supposed to happen! Nothing was supposed to happen to his s/o. This is beyond anything Batman had ever done. This is so sinister, so vile, so abhorrent, Eddie can’t even begin to comprehend it. At first, he bargains, offering money, tech, robots, his hacking skills -- even offers himself up to wear the collar instead because he can’t take the sight of his beloved wearing something that could blow their head right off, right in front of him, and leave him emotionally and mentally broken for life.

But the antagonist doesn’t want to bargain, even when Eddie begs -- like, really begs to the point of tears, asking for mercy and pleading with the antagonist to let his s/o go free. They have nothing to do with any of Eddie’s work. They’re innocent, and they’re too important to him! He can’t let this happen!

The begging amuses the antagonist but once again, it’s not enough. Eddie has to do the challenges, and if he completes them all correctly, the collar comes off. If he messes up, then his s/o dies. Eddie reassures his s/o that everything will be just fine, he’s got this under control, they’ll be out of trouble in no time so don’t be afraid.

It’s difficult to not be afraid when you have a bomb around your neck and a sadistic psychopath with the trigger. As bad as Eddie can be, he’s not THIS malevolent. He has some humanity left in him. But this person, they’re just out there to make him suffer because it’s “entertaining” to watch him squirm. 

As you know, by this point in his life, Eddie is very mentally unstable and could have a mental breakdown if pushed even just a little too far. His s/o is the only thing keeping him grounded, the only reason he has to keep his sanity (or what’s left of it), and this is the only person who has ever cared for him despite the fact he knows he’s not worth it. If he loses his beloved, then what would he have left? There would be no recovery from such a thing.

So, Eddie completes the challenges, although he is internally freaking out the entire time, partly because he doubts himself and partly because he has no idea if the antagonist will just press the trigger and kill Eddie’s s/o without warning. By the time Eddie is done, he’s a nervous wreck and on the verge of a breakdown, but he hopes that, by enduring all this, by letting this person watch him squirm, sweat, beg, cry, and panic, that maybe it’s enough to end this madness without his s/o dying.

But the antagonist doesn’t care that Eddie completed all the tasks. In the end, it’s about making Eddie suffer horribly because watching a nearly broken man finally break -- shatter -- is the point of all this. So, the collar has a 30 second timer set, and as it counts down, Eddie obviously freaks out, hyperventilating as he tries to plead once again for his s/o’s life, offering himself up again in their place, and yet, it’s not enough (kind of reminding him how he was never enough for his father, even if he agonized over pleasing him). The antagonist just laughs at Eddie’s mental breakdown and tells him he better use the remaining time to say goodbye. And no funny business. If Eddie or his s/o attempt to remove or disarm the collar, then it will detonate. 

Eddie’s s/o, despite being terrified does their best to put on a brave face and they tell him it’s ok, it’s not his fault, just don’t look, look away, it will all be over soon, he has to keep going for them...Eddie doesn’t know what to do, and seeing as he now has 10 seconds left, he does the only thing he feels he can and should do, and he grabs his s/o despite their protests and holds them tight, crying and saying over and over how sorry he is, he’s so sorry. 

And the timer reaches zero on the collar.

There’s a soft click.

Then nothing.

No explosion. 

The antagonist bursts out laughing, confessing that the “bomb” is a dud, was never going to explode, and since both Eddie and his s/o were too distressed to think all this through, they never even considered this as a possibility. The collar has been unlocked and Eddie’s s/o just kind of sinks to their knees in complete shock, and he can’t believe what he’s seeing. At first, he’s confused, wondering if this is all some sort of twisted dream, then he’s relieved because his s/o is safe, then he’s angry because what the hell was this?! He vows to get revenge on the antagonist and throws the collar away as he all but screams in rage.

Now alone, Eddie remembers his s/o is still on the floor, pale as a sheet and unresponsive. Kneeling down, he asks if they’re ok, tells them they’re ok, that this was all some sort of sick joke. When his s/o snaps out of their daze, they get mad and push him away, yelling at him for being so foolish

“You were just going to let yourself die with me?!” they demand.

“Yes!” Eddie responds, too overwhelmed to even know how to respond to this. 

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because!”

“WHY?”

“Because I can’t go back to my old life! Not having known you! You think that I would just sink back into my old routine without a hitch? You think I would forget you? You think I’d just move on and live life normally? How could I do that? How? If I lost you, I’d have nothing, do you understand? Nothing. My life would be empty, more so than it’s ever been, and nothing could fill that void, not the way you do. No one has ever loved me, not even those who were supposed to! But you, you love me! I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t even deserve it, but you love me anyway. You make me feel valid, you make me feel like...like I exist, like I actually matter.”

His s/o is crying, and he’s crying, and they’re both going to be emotionally traumatized for a while. Sure, Eddie will get revenge but he’s also going to be having night terrors -- nightmares would be much better than what he experiences at night -- about his s/o dying in gruesome ways while is helpless to do anything. Sometimes, he won’t even be able to sleep because he doesn’t want those ghastly images in his head, and he’ll stay up holding his s/o as they (try) to sleep (they have nightmares of their own after this experience). 

He has to come to terms with his first real encounter with the threat of loss, a real loss. He never cared about anyone before because no one ever cared for him. He was used to being ignored, bullied and belittled, and he always had trouble trusting others because of how he was raised. He never had friends, never thought he would need friends because, well, he never had any. Forming emotional attachments was beyond him, as he never had such a relationship with his parents, and that is the first time children are supposed to experience attachment. If your parents don’t love you, you grow up feeling unloved, alone, and don’t understand what it’s like to be close to people, so you just push everyone away and look out for yourself. It makes you selfish just as much as it makes you feel lonely.

But now, Eddie has his s/o, someone who just kind of barged into his life and stole his heart despite his best efforts to not feel anything sentimental because being vulnerable meant he could get hurt, and he didn’t like the idea of forming an attachment only to have it ripped away from him due to the other person’s betrayal. In his eyes, love equals abuse, since that’s the only kind of “love” this Eddie seems to have ever experienced. 

It’s going to take a lot of time -- and patience -- for Eddie to deal with this, and he’s going to be watching his s/o like a hawk. They won’t be allowed to go anywhere alone, and definitely not at night. He’ll be very clingy, protective, maybe a little possessive but mostly protective. When he does eventually find a way to calm down, it will actually make him a stronger person emotionally, I think, because he will understand himself better, and he’ll understand the relationship he has with his s/o better. This experience has taught him -- in the most insane and unwelcomed way -- why his s/o is so vital to him, and while attachment like that is almost frightening because of the risk of loss, he doesn’t want to go back to his old life and be alone, being seen as some sort of joke by everyone in Gotham. He doesn’t want to go back to being isolated, left with only his thoughts to comfort him despite his dwindling sanity and self-esteem. He needs to have a reason to press on, and trying to be better than everyone just won’t do it anymore. He needs to be loved, loves to be loved, but is also thrilled to be able to give it in return, whatever the risks may be.

And you know the antagonist is going to be utterly destroyed by Riddlerbots. Or something. Something awful will happen to that person. We know that much.

-------------

Ugh, so let me know what you guys think! This is way out there in left field in terms of portrayal of Arkham Knight Eddie (or just Arkhamverse Eddie in general) but this idea has been stuck in my mind for so long now. Feedback is definitely encouraged and appreciated here because this is such an epic and crazy h/c. Constructive criticism is welcome. Just don’t be mean, please.

[multifandomwhre]

Loves Harsh Reality

Summary: Life is a bitch. 

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Reader, Avengers x Reader (all platonic)

Warnings: swearing, mention of past/current abuse

Prompt: “You want what everyone wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and maybe even a little danger.” 

Word Count: 1780

Do not copy, translate, or post any of my stories anywhere you write stories, whether that’s here, Wattpad, or Ao3. 

-----------------------------

Life never treated you well. Not even when you were just an innocent child, trying to navigate your way in this terrible world. You were forced into a cold and unloving organization that was run by people who don’t really give a shit that you were only 2 when they stole you. They never treated you like a human, more like a laboratory experiment, which kind of went haywire. When you were brought in, the sleaze running this entire operation stripped you of everything you had so far, which was only a name you had just barely begun to learn, and they assigned you a number, much like a court case; experiment 973. And that’s what you went by for the next 23 years of your life.

The day you were rescued from that deranged and psychotic place was...hectic to say the least. It began like any other day while you were their little pet; get woken up at the ass crack of you don’t know when, test out your powers until you physically passed out and then get ungracefully woken again only to be forced to use your powers. This continues for hours on end before these assholes make you go fight actual people in hopes that you aren’t lacking in physical strength. You fight until bodies start piling up and when your sadistic handlers are satisfied with your progress, as if you haven’t they haven’t been training you to take down monsters bigger than Goliath himself. But something wasn’t right and you could feel it in the enclosed space of your cell. 

While you normally had a rough awakening by someone poking, prodding, and eventually yanking you out of bed, nobody was there. In fact, there wasn’t even a peep from the cells neighboring yours. That was until you heard multiple gunshots and multiple bodies slumping against the floor. See, the thing about HYDRA is that they’ve trained you for this exact moment but every single ounce of training they’ve ingrained in your body and mind left the building completely as you hunkered down against the wall furthest from the thick, metal door barricading you from the outside world. 

Suddenly, the door you were just measly standing behind came crashing down, dust from the unwashed floor rising. After the dust settled, you looked up to see the poster boy of HYDRA himself, the Winter Soldier. “Steve, I’ve got a live one here. Female, looks to be in her mid-20s,” he whispered into his ear piece. He slowly moved closer, putting his weapon away as he noticed your frail body shaking from fear. “У тебя все нормально? Я ведь не бил тебя дверью?*” Shaking your head, the soldier stopped in front of you, kneeling next to you. “Меня зовут Баки. Что у тебя?” Shrugging your shoulders, you made an attempt to look over at him. “That’s ok. How long have you been here?”

“двадцать три года*,” you said, a bit of hesitation in your voice, finding it hard to speak after decades of being punished if you spoke out of turn. As you finished speaking, you heard another voice, one which you assumed belonged to this Steve person. 

“Хорошо. Стив дал мне добро, чтобы мы могли убираться отсюда,” Bucky said, standing back up on his feet. But you weren’t too sure about this. Along with your training, your handlers had pushed on you the notion that the Avengers, and anyone associated with them, were out to harm you, always, and that’s why you needed to be able to defend yourself. 

“Ты ведь не сделаешь мне больно, верно? О-или убить меня,” you asked, clear hesitation towards the soldier who was about to grant you freedom from this hellhole. 

Bucky looked at you with sympathy drawn over his features. Shaking his head, he gently grabbed your hands, a shiver traveling up your spine at the coolness from the vibranium arm. “Конечно, нет. Я вытащу тебя отсюда.”

-TIME SKIP-

It had been a few months since the Avengers had rescued you from HYDRA and you were beyond grateful that Bucky had stumbled upon you that day. But the fear that HYDRA had instilled in you about being near the Avengers was still running rampant in your system. Whenever someone knocked on your door, or came up behind you, your fight or flight instincts kicked in like that of an animal in the wild. You thought it’d be better by now, considering you have been going to therapy since coming to the compound. But today, all your frustrations came to a head.

You probably should’ve been in bed considering it was 4 in the morning but you needed to burn off some steam. What you failed to realize was that a certain super soldier was sitting in one of the boxes above the training center, watching your every move. But, him being a super soldier meant that he could pick up on more than you realized. Bucky had noticed that blood dripping onto the floor, which came from your terribly wrapped hands. 

He knew you were on edge, but not like you were when he first got you out. By the time that you realized Bucky was in your presence, it was a bit too late. You felt a hand on your shoulder; two seconds later you had the body attached to the arm on the floor, your other arm extending towards their throat, keeping them pinned to the floor. 

Once the haze cleared, you could tell who it was that you had down on the ground. “Buck? Oh my god.” Quickly pushing yourself off of him, you started pacing the gym floor. “Fucking shit. I am so sorry Bucky. I-I didn’t mean to do it. Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” You kept rambling and pacing until Bucky stopped you, stepping in front of you to stop you from wearing a hole in the floor. 

“I am fine, кукла. Are you ok? Your hands are bleeding.” Looking down, you saw the streaks of red coming out from under the tape on your hands. “Let’s go get you fixed up, ok?” Nodding, you followed Bucky out of the gym and towards the medical center. “So, what’s got you going at 4 in the morning anyway?”

“I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried. I even tried that tea Wanda suggested. By the way, don’t drink it. It tastes like dirt.” Bucky chuckled as you sat on a gurney, grabbing supplies from the cabinets. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t we wait for, you know, a doctor, or an actual medical professional to come in and do this,” you immediately questioned him.

“Do you seriously doubt my suturing skills? I did serve in World War II, so I’m pretty confident that I know my way around a needle and thread,” he said, carefully unraveling the useless tape from around your knuckles, taking a look at the damage. “Yeah, this’ll probably take a little bit, but don’t you worry, Dr. Barnes is always here to help.” Bucky smiled at you, calming your nerves the tiniest bit. 

After prepping and numbing you properly, Bucky began stitching your open wounds shut. “So, do you wanna talk about why you couldn’t fall asleep? Talking might help, at least it usually does for me,” Bucky asked, not taking his eyes off his work in progress.

“I, uh, I keep having nightmares. They went away for a bit, when I could actually sleep for the night, but for some reason, they’ve come back,” you admitted quietly, almost like it was a dirty little secret. 

“Well, you’ve only been here a few months so I wouldn’t expect your nightmares to just instantly go away. It took me a few years to actually get a good night's sleep with them waking me or anybody else up. So I know exactly how you feel,” he said, finishing up before wrapping your hands in sterile dressings. “And you are all set. Now, no excessive force, which includes going to the gym at 4 in the morning and working out like you are about to fight the Hulk.” You laughed lightly, shoulders loosening up.

“Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, you just stitched up my hands cause I got too into my own brain after I almost choked you when you could’ve just dropped me here and gone back to bed.” Tears filled your eyes once more, a thickening feeling surrounding your concerns. 

Bucky sighed, gingerly sitting next to you on the gurney. “When I found you at the base, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy ride for you. Or for anyone here really. Adding another member to the team can sometimes jostle things around. And I knew for a fact that you would feel like an outcast amongst some of the biggest heroes the world has ever seen...so far,” he said as you laid your head against his arm, wiping away the tears that had made their way down your face. “And I thought maybe, just maybe, if we became friends or even just acquaintances, that you wouldn’t feel so alone here. Cause I know exactly how that feels. And ever since coming here, I can see what I looked like when I was found; lost, felt like I didn’t deserve anything good or even deserving of love. But even though you hide it with a sort of tough exterior and you’re used to being trapped away, I can tell you something about yourself that you probably don’t even know,” Bucky said in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Oh yeah? What would that be,” you asked, quite curious as to what he may have found out.

“You want what everyone wants. You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and maybe even a little danger. Cause that’s exactly how I feel right now.” At some point, of which you weren’t sure, Bucky had hooked his fingers under your chin, turning your face up to meet his. Your eyes finally met his, capturing the look of a pure and innocent love in his icy stare. He slowly leaned down, but stopping right before your lips collided. “Is this ok?” Quickly nodding, Bucky pressed his lips to your own, cupping your face as your injured hands made their way to his sides. 

Pulling back, Bucky rested his forehead against yours. “Never thought that this is how we would have our first kiss, doll,” he said, making you laugh which in turn caused him to chuckle. “But, I’m not at all opposed to it.”

“I’m glad. Now let’s get out of here. I’m tired.” 

-----------------------------

1. У тебя все нормально? Я ведь не бил тебя дверью - Are you ok? I didn’t hit you with the door, did I?

2. Меня зовут Баки. Что у тебя? - My name is Bucky. What’s yours?

3. Это хорошо. Как давно ты здесь? - That’s ok. How long have you been here?

4. двадцать три года - 23 years. 

5. Хорошо. Стив дал мне добро, чтобы мы могли убираться отсюда. - Ok. Steve gave me the go ahead so we can get out of here. 

6. Ты ведь не сделаешь мне больно, верно? О-или убить меня? - You aren’t going to hurt me right? O-or kill me?

7. Конечно, нет. Я вытащу тебя отсюда. - Of course not. I’m going to get you out of here.

8. Кукла - Doll

I will also be posting this on my other blog, @imaginesmcu. This is a very, very late submission to @sweeterthanthis ‘s “Quote Me” challenge. 

[xiaoshng]

hello! i saw you were open for requests and decided to hop on and send one in, if that's alright with you? :)

could you please write something for oikawa finding out his s/o is touch starved? preferably something fluffy? headcanons or a drabble, wtv you want. i'm totally fine with either.

thanks in advanced! have a good day/evening. 💕

“touch-starved”

pairing : oikawa x gn!reader

warnings : a bit of insecure reader

word count : 726

a/n : this, yes, this. ( this sucks so badly tears are running down my face )

“do you not want to touch me? am I sweaty? I can go shower, y/n.”

oikawa, your boyfriend of two months was currently staying at your apartment.

“no.., well I appreciate it if you did, you smell like sweat oikawa…”

he looks back at you eyebrows scrunched with his mouth slightly agape. “ ok, you didn't need to word it like that..” he pouts and turns back around, getting towels to cleanse himself. “would you care to join me?” he smiles to himself, back still turned to you. “absolutely....not. get in there.” you sigh, there was no way you could do that. there wasn't any reason to not shower with your boyfriend, it just felt a bit… uncomfortable.

you heard the bathroom door shut close with the curtains opening. hearing him humming down the hallway, you thought about your relationship with one another.

'is he weirded out by me?’ you’ve never been in a relationship before and it didn’t help that your first ever boyfriend was the tooru oikawa.

the main reason why you both became a couple anyways was because you both pined over each other since the start of your highschool years also known as when you met at your first year ceremony.

everytime he touched you, you felt a bit uncomfortable, maybe it was just you. maybe he knew, that's why he didn’t push you too much to make the first move. It’s not like you didn’t want to touch oikawa,

if anything you wanted to show your absolute adoration for him and his volleyball career physically as much as you did with your words. statements that were said to you at aoba today flooded and clouded back into your mind.

“you’re a bit pathetic aren’t you n/n?”

your classmate came up to you nudging your arm. “what?” you turned to look at them, a bit offended by their words. “you never touch or interact with anyone. It's like you're a disease that refuses to spread.” wiggling their fingers in front of your face. they knew those words hurt you, that's why they were presently smiling down at you. “you don't even want to touch oikawa! Is he even your boyfriend at this point? maybe other people would’ve suit him better, don’t cha think?”

you didn’t know why those words felt uneasy. does oikawa feel unloved? neglected? no. no, right? maybe you could talk to him about this after he showe-

“y/n!”

he yells and sticks his head back through the bathroom door, then opening it completely and stepping out. “you seemed so quiet while I was in there, I thought you’d be on the phone with one of your friends like you always were.”

oikawa slides next to you on the edge of your bed. “oh,, I was just thinking about what to have for dinner.” you smile gently, moving a bit farther to the right. he notices this and speaks a bit too loudly. “you’re moving away again y/n,, do I really need to take a shower again?” he puts both of his arms behind him, holding himself up on the bed.

“Is there another reason why you find me revolting enough to not hug your own boyfriend, or do I have to find out myself?”

he was joking, but it didn’t seem like he was. you knew this would happen. the day where he’d had enough of you and just wanted to end this with you. “you ok y/n? you seem a bit pale. I didn’t mean it, I know you’re not good with pe-”

“I’m sorry oikawa.” straightening your back, you look up at him for a split second, enveloping your arms around his torso, and shoving your face into his chest.

you couldn’t let him see you like this. you didn’t hear anything from him, but felt his arms slowly closing around your frame as well. surprised, you look up and see his face extremely close to yours.

“Isn’t this the first hug you’ve ever given me? I’d have to make it special then, right y/n?” his smile widens and suddenly you feel yourself sinking down on your own bed still in oikawa’s arms.

“I understand you well enough through our three years of knowing each other that no one’s ever been this close to you. If you’re ever feeling uncomfortable in my arms, please don't hesitate to push me off and nag at me like you always do."

“I love you for you and that's all that matters y/n.” 

[bisexualpositivity]

hii um,, so I’m rlly struggling with internalized biphobia and I feel like I’ll never be able to accept/love myself for who I am.. there’s so much biphobia that’s normalized and it makes me feel like I’m “basically straight and not oppressed” I feel rlly disgusted with myself and I can’t even call myself bi anymore bc it hurts to do so,, so I look out for other labels like sapphic and wlw ,, but deep down I know I’m still bi and I Don’t Want To Be... and I know if I avoid calling myself bi then I’ll never truly learn to accept myself ,, but it’s uncomfortable... I almost wanna just say I’m gay but then ppl are gonna be like “so are you a gay man?” “So you’re a lesbian” “but you’re dating (opposite gender)” and like not gay in the way that I only like the same gender and not gay as an umbrella term,, but just ,, gay.. u know.. but that doesn’t feel fully comfortable either.. nothing rlly does no mspec label feels ok... and idk what to do anymore bc it hurts a lot and I feel like a horrible unloved person,, what should I do? /gen ,,

Same internalized biphobia anon: do u know any labels I could use besides wlw, mlm, sapphic, and queer? I feel like using “gay” would mislead ppl and have them think I’m a bad person but I kinda like it though-... also I’m bigender so I’m like wlw AND mlm..

hey anon, for starters, I’m sorry to hear that people have been rude towards you and dismissive of your identity. they’re not worth your time, and they don’t deserve to live in your head rent free, especially since they have nothing helpful to say.

there are many flavors of internalized biphobia, ranging from “but if I call myself bi, I’ll be associated with those big scary flamboyant queers” to “I’ve dated five men and six women so I can’t be bi, therefore I must be straight/a lesbian”, and none of them are pleasant. it sounds like yours in particular is heavily influenced by what other people think of you, and the assumptions they make about your gender and/or sex life. 

I’m the most bisexual person I’ve ever met, but my main blog’s url is literally @disastergay​. why? because I consider myself both. if someone gets mad at me or makes assumptions about who I want to date because I use more than one label to describe my experiences, that’s their problem. and that also goes for people who jump to conclusions about you.

listen to me: so many LGBTQ+ identities overlap to the point where barely any of them are mutually exclusive. you can call yourself whatever you want.

you’re not comfortable referring to yourself as a lesbian? then don’t do that! 

you don’t like being called queer? make sure you let people know not to call you that!

you’d like to try on the gay label? go right ahead! 

you want to call yourself bi, pan, ply, and/or omni, but you’re still uncomfortable at the thought of actually wearing the label(s)? take your time, there’s no rush!

you want to reclaim slurs like dyke and fag? go for it!

this isn’t some kind of final exam where you only have three hours to figure out all the answers or you automatically fail; it can take people lifetimes to find the courage to come out to themselves, much less to everyone else. only YOU have the authority to decide who and what you are, don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise.

honestly, it breaks my heart that you feel so lonely and unwanted, and all because there isn’t enough acceptance in your life. I want you to know that you are loved, you deserve to be happy, and no amount of discomfort someone feels about the way you identify gives them the right to change that. 

TL;DR: just be yourself! use whichever labels feel comfortable to you, and it’s okay if they change over time. it’s okay if you never settle on any labels, too. you’ll always have a family in the bi community, and remember--we love you so much 💖 💜 💙