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[tyresdeg]

alexander rossi | gp2 testing 2012

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You Want Something Trivial For Your Birthday

GN!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - Junee 2023

⤜MASTERLIST

A/N: I hope this is okay for you my love! I tried to get them as different as possible from one another @whyyougottadothatbro

CHAN:

It was safe to say that Chan was struggling with what to get you for your birthday. It wasn't like he didn't know you well enough but it was a matter of getting you something you really wanted and were going to use.

"What do you want for your birthday?" He suddenly asked when you were out to the mall together, you slowly looked up from the milkshake you had been nursing and smiled at him. The two of you had decided to do a little shopping this morning and Chan thought it would be the perfect time to scout out something you were eyeing up a lot...but much to his dismay you hadn't been eyeing up anything forcing him to ask you what it was you wanted for your birthday.

"I could use a new suitcase." You shrugged it off as though it was nothing but Chan's mind had stalled on that for a second. A suitcase? You could have anything in the world and you were asking for a suitcase? 

"A suitcase?" He questioned, still a little confused as to if you were sure that was something you wanted for your birthday?

"Yeah, I mean...I need a new one for when we go on holiday, and the wheels on mine are falling off so I could use a new one?" You stared at him as he blinked at you,

"You don't want something like a necklace? anklet? A new watch?" He suggested while frowning at you, in all his years of life he'd never had someone ask him for something practical like this. 

"Nah," You smirked and began to drink from your cup again leaving a very confused-looking Chan staring at you,

"That's it? Just a suitcase?" He narrowed his eyes at you as if he was trying to see if it was some kind of joke but the look on your face let him know just how serious you were about this all.

"Yeah, I don't need anything else when I have the best gift right in front of me." You winked laying your hand on his before a blush began to creep up onto his cheeks.

MINHO:

When you first told Minho what you wanted he'd laughed thinking that you weren't being serious about it but as you continued to look at him he realised you were 100% about it.

"Metal straws?" He questioned, you were already bringing your phone toward him and showing him the set of metal straws you'd seen last week. They were a set of rainbow straws and you'd wanted to get them when you were in the mall but you didn't have your card at the time.

"But just metal straws? You don't want anything else?" Concern dripped from his tone as he stared at you. Did you think he would only get you something so small? Minho wanted to spoil you with everything you could possibly dream of,

"Yeah, I don't need anything else. Plus, they're great for the environment, I'll be saving so many turtles." You smiled looking down at your phone and not noticing the look on Minhos face which was a mixture of sadness and concern,

"And they have a cute carry case so I can keep them in my bag for when we're out together," You giggled before turning to look at Minho,

"Minnie?" You frowned noticing how sad he looked about everything and you instantly put your phone down.

"You don't want anything else? L-Like...A bracelet? Earrings? Anything? A ring?" You could hear the overthinking dripping from him now and you whimpered,

"I don't want you to spend too much on me, it's just a birthday." You informed him as you carefully sat down on his lap and looked him in the eyes, his body physically relaxing as you held onto his face. 

"I would give you the world if you wanted it." He told you as you smiled running your fingers over his cheeks, 

"I have you, it's all I need." You promised before gently kissing him.

CHANGBIN:

"Are you sure they said pens?" Felix asked as he walked around the fifth stationary store that Changbin had dragged him into, his eyes scanning over the walls that lined the shop. All of them had been the same so far and he didn't understand why Changbin was having such a hard time finding some pens for you.

"That's what YN said they wanted. Pens. But they never said what kind...O-Or were from," He looked at the pack of pens in his hands before putting them back, deciding that they weren't good enough for you for your birthday.

"But pens? For a birthday?" Felix didn't sound so convinced by it, why would someone want pens for their birthday anything? Your birthday was the one day you could ask for something you truly wanted and Changbin would more than likely get you it. You want a cow? He'd go out and find one for you. A car? He'd take you shopping.

"I asked Yn seven times if they were sure they wanted pens and they were," Changbin was sweating by this point, "pens" wasn't a good start for him. If you'd told him a brand or maybe a colour he would have done this in seconds but now he was overthinking everything, trying to figure out if it was a certain brand or maybe even a certain colour you were wanting. Don't even get him started on whether or not it was colouring pens or just for writing at home.

"They said black ink pens, they've run out at their office and they need new ones," Felix said suddenly from behind Changbin who slowly turned to face the younger member/

"I text them," Felix turned his screen to face Changbin and he let out a small breath, gathering about twenty packs of black pens of all different kinds and taking them to the counter.

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin stared at you from the space beside you, maybe he'd heard you incorrectly but he was still processing what you'd told him that you wanted for your birthday. It wasn't as though it was something major, in fact, it was the complete opposite. Something so small Hyunjin could barely believe you'd even asked him for it,

"Say again..." He said slowly as he watched you, you slowly turned to look at him and smiled.

"Glasses wipes, I keep running out of them so easily I need them," You pouted at the thought of it. Last night you'd been lying in bed when you ran out of your favourite brand of glasses wipes and you were desperate to get them back,

"But just wipes? Nothing else?" He stared at you, he would have expected anyone else to give him a huge list of everything they could possibly ask for and he was truly stunned that you seemed to want something so trivial and small.

"They're the best, they don't leave streaks on my glasses." You shrugged before looking at your glasses and back to Hyunjin who was blushing a little. He found it cute that it was the only thing you wanted and he planned on getting you something extra even though you hadn't asked for it.

JISUNG:

"Are you sure that's all you want though? I could get you a new hard drive," Jisung offered as you stared back at him a little shocked at the offer. It was your birthday soon and he'd been wondering what to get you for a while now and instead of getting you something he didn't think you'd enjoy, he figured he'd ask you want you wanted instead.

"I don't need a new hard drive," You laughed a little and shook your head at him, the last thing you wanted was for him to spend a stupid amount of money on you when he didn't need to.

"But JUST a keyboard cover? You don't want a new mouse? Maybe a new keyboard for a new set-up?" Panic was bubbling inside of him as he thought about it. Why didn't you want something more from him? Surely it was his job to spoil you on your birthday.

"Yeah. I don't need anything else Sungie, a keyboard cover is all I need. I keep getting crumbs in my keys whenever I eat at my desk," You pouted at the thought of it, just last week Felix had come over to clean your PC and keyboard out for you since you didn't know where to start with it.

"Fine, but I'm getting you something else as well." He pouted at you before you cuddled into his side.

FELIX:

Every year it was the same routine, you'd ask for something trivial or small for your birthday and Felix would routinely ask you if you were sure that was what you wanted and nothing else.

"It feels silly," He told you as you stood inside the beauty store together, looking at a wall full of bath scrunches which was the thing you'd asked him to get you this year.

"Why? You asked me what I wanted." You laughed a little turning to look at an unimpressed-looking Felix who had one hand on his hip as he stared at you.

"You want me to buy you a new bath scrunchy and some bath products? You don't want me to get you some clothes or anything?"

"We do this every year," You reminded him as he let out a small whine at you. Felix wanted to get you everything your heart desired but you'd never let him and he knew that, 

"Because every year I want to spoil my partner but they'll never let me," He pouted at you as you let out a small whine this time and shook your head at him,

"I don't need to be spoiled. I don't want anything...Getting me things I need is better. Besides, we'll both use the bath scrunchy so it's a gift for you as well," You smiled sheepishly at him and he shook his head at you, quickly kissing your cheek before getting you a different selection of bath scrunchies before he went looking for some body wash and other products he knew you liked.

SEUNGMIN:

"Every year you fail in the gift department," Changbin chuckled as Seungmin told the boys what he'd gotten for you this year and you looked over at them.

"He does not." You whined out in his defence. Every year Seungmin got you exactly what you asked for and you wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. The boys didn't know that it was all things you'd asked for though and just assumed that Seungmin had gone out of his way to buy said things for you.

"Last year he bought you a shampoo and conditioner set," Minho stated as you looked at the boys and then over at Seungmin who was looking a little defeated by the accusation.

"I asked him for it...Like I asked him for the new pillow set." You nodded at the presents you'd just opened and Seungmin began to blush a little. When he'd asked you last week what it was you wanted, you'd asked him for some new memory foam pillows and he'd agreed.

"But why? You could get whatever you want?" Felix seemed just as confused by the idea of you getting pillows, along with some new sheets and cases to go along with them.

"I wanted memory foam pillows and new sheets." You shrugged, kissing Seungmin deeply.

"Thank you for the perfect birthday present, baby." You whispered making the boys wolf whistle at the small display.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin couldn't figure out why you were asking for something so small and it still boggled his mind as you showed him what kind of brands you wanted for your birthday.

"You just want some skincare? Nothing else?" You thought about it for a minute before shaking your head. There was nothing else you really needed and you'd been wanting some new skin care products for a while now.

"I ran out of my vitamin C Oil last week, so it'll be a big help." You smiled at him and he shook his head at you a little. This was something you did every year when it came to your birthday, instead of asking for something you wanted you asked for something you needed instead and he was trying to get it through to you that it was okay to ask for something you wanted instead. But every year he failed and he'd get you something you needed instead.

"But, your birthday is supposed to be about getting ANYTHING you want. Not just something you need." You whined at him as he gave you the same speech he always did and you looked at him,

"I just don't like when people waste money on me...I'd rather get something I know I'll use and need in my life," Letting out a small sigh Jeongin nodded at you and added everything into his online basket before checking it out and purchasing everything for you.

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio​ @halesandy​ @aerastus​ @laylasbunbunny​ @critssq​ @lenfilms​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @meowmeowisdaname​ @imafivestarkpopstan​ @lost-leopard-beanie​ @illicee​ @djeniryuu​

[overtrred28]

Joining the club | Jen Beattie x reader

Summary; 2023 and the start of 2024 seem to have something in common already; everyone in the WOSO community seems to be getting engaged. And when you bring this up to your long term partner Jen, it seems she has nothing to say, or does she….

Pairings; Jen Beattie x famous!reader

Words; 2.5k

Warnings; pure fluff, swearing

A/N; It seems to be the season of getting engaged and even though I am way off getting engaged and very very single, I thought I would pretend and imagine that I was getting engaged to the one and only Jen Beattie. There is also a lack of Jen fics on here and I feel the need to write one for her. Enjoy!

First it was Steph and Dean all the way back in January. Lynn and Marley finally did it back in May. Then in June it was Emily and Kat, and Katrina and Clara just a few days after. Kristie and Sam finally revealed theirs from September after months of teasing. Chloe Kelly and Millie Bright got it within the same week, sharing photos with their partners around christmas. And finally a surprise from Ellie and Daan on the first day of a new year. 

It seemed 2023 and now 2024 was the time for engagements in the world of women’s football and you were quite caught up in all the news. 

“Oh my god babe, another one!” You let out a gasp as the post from Ellie and Daan popped up on your instagram feed, stopping your pre-dinner scrolling as you paused and assessed the picture. It was from a few days ago, and you were seeing it now because you had been away with Jen and her family, avoiding social media to spend time with them and only now catching up. 

“What?” Jen’s voice called from the kitchen, you jumping up from the couch with your phone and running quickly into the kitchen. 

“Look.” You aggressively shoved your phone into her face and she adjusted to the bright light as she tried to look at the photo. 

“Oh wow, congrats to them.” Jen smiled quickly before turning away and back to the food on the stove. You frowned at her quick response and disinterest at the post.

“Do you not think it’s funny?” You asked with a small laugh from beside her. 

“What is?” She asked whilst moving around the kitchen to find the rest of the ingredients for your dinner. 

“That everyone in the footballing world seems to be getting engaged at the moment?” You asked again and she didn’t respond with any excitement, again.

“Oh, guess I didn’t notice.” She shrugged and continued to stir the pot. You opened your mouth to talk again but she got there before you. “Could you grab me some bowls, love?” She asked while keeping her eyes on the pan. You paused for a second before grabbing two clean ones from the dishwasher and placing them next to her. “Thank you.” She smiled at you briefly before beginning to dish up the pasta that was now done. 

“You’re welcome.” You snapped out of your trance and silently moved to grab some glasses and the wine from the fridge. She waited for you to finish pouring your drinks before she grabbed both bowls and headed for the couch, you following close behind her. 

“What are we watching tonight, love?” Jen asked as she sat beside you on the couch, now both holding your dinner and the wine glasses on the coffee table. 

“I don’t mind, you pick.” You shrugged before taking a bite of your food and now it was her turn to frown at you, normally you always took control over what to watch together. 

“You okay?” Jen asked simply and you nodded silently while eating and staring at the screen in front of you. “ Okay, how about Bridgerton? We still haven’t finished season two.” She suggested and once again you nodded silently from beside her. 

You weren’t sure why you were feeling slightly off after Jen’s reaction to the post and your comments, but you still snuggled into her on the couch after finishing your pasta and wine.

The episode finished and you could feel the both of you drifting off after a long day. Jen had been back at training after winter break and your schedule had been hectic since returning from time off. You were an actress and your new movie was about to come out so all the promo shoots and interviews were now in full swing, though you were grateful it began in London so you could still go home to Jen every night.  

You met Jen a few years back at an event in London you had both been invited to, catching her eyes from the other side of the room and instantly knowing you had to go talk to her. You knew who each other were, an actress making her name in the world and a famous sports star who silently followed each other in their respective lines of work. One conversation and you knew there was something there, and so did she. You both knew it would be hard with your professions and the distance you would have at certain times, but you wanted to make it work, somehow keeping it from the public eye for two years before hard launching it on your anniversary and sending both sets of fans into a frenzy. 

“Ready for bed love?” Jen spoke softly into the dark living room, smoothing your hair softly. 

“Definitely.” You yawned and sat up, rubbing your tired eyes as Jen stood up and held a hand out for you. You smiled at the gesture and met your hand in hers, pulling yourself up and making your way to your bedroom together. You both had already showered when you got home earlier so all that was left to do was to brush your teeth together. 

Your night routine was almost the same every night, no matter what was going on in your separate lives, you always spent those last few minutes together before crawling into bed. So once you both finished in the bathroom, you hopped into bed on your chosen sides but made your way closer to the middle and each other, Jen opening her arms to you as you laid your head on her chest.

“Sorry I’ve been quiet, tired.” You mumbled into the darkness against Jen as she drew small circles against your back. 

“It’s okay, me too.” Jen looked down at you to meet your soft eyes. 

“I love you.” You smiled and snuggled into her chest once more, eyes drifting closed. 

“I love you too.” Jen placed a kiss against your head before closing her own eyes and drifting asleep. 

The topic of last night's conversation was mostly forgotten in the morning, or at least it wasn’t brought up again between you too. That didn’t mean it wasn’t brought up with different people. Jen arrived at training and as both Steph and Beth walked up to her, they could tell something was on her mind. 

“You alright there Jenny?” Steph bumped her shoulder as herself and Beth joined her sides. 

“Hmm? Oh yeah.” Jen nodded at them but went silent straight after. 

“You sure?” Beth dragged out her words and brought her face as she could to Jen’s, their height difference proving to be a little difficult.

“Yeah, just thinking.” Jen tried to brush them off again but these two were persistent and she knew she wasn’t going to get very far if she didn’t tell them. She stopped her walking and sighed before speaking. “Last night, Y/N brought up how it seems like everyone’s getting engaged at the moment, and I didn’t really say anything back. And then she seemed upset for the rest of the night, but she said she was just tired, which I know she has been, but I also think I might have upset her in some way.” She let out in almost one breath as Steph and Beth tried to process her words. 

“Well she’s not wrong, especially in the last few weeks.” Beth added with a shrug. 

“Do you think she’s ready?” Steph ignored Beth’s comment and looked at Jen.

“Well, I wasn’t sure before, but after last night I think she is.” Jen looked between the two of them. “Just the way she was talking about it and then when I didn’t really say anything…” She trailed off and looked down. 

“I think she’s ready.” Steph spoke with a smile. She had watched from the beginning of your relationship with Jen just how happy you were with one another, and how easy the relationship seemed even when spending time apart due to work. 

“Are you?” Beth asked sincerely, her and Steph awaiting Jen’s reply. Jen was silent for a few seconds, bringing her eyes back up to look at her best friends. 

“I bought the ring like 2 months ago.” She mumbled but they still heard it and instantly started beaming at the Scottish woman. 

“You sly little bastard.” Beth punched Jen’s arm softly as they began to walk again so that they wouldn’t be late for training. 

Throughout the whole day the three of them, mostly Steph and Beth, were coming up with ideas on how she should propose but Jen kept shooting them down. She wanted it to be private, special and a surprise, so anything that involved taking you out somewhere would instantly make you suspicious. 

While Jen had been conversing her thoughts and plans with her best friends at training, you were in your head all day thinking about last night. Which wasn’t really helping especially when you were trying to film press interviews all day and talk about your movie. 

You could have talked to your co-stars about it, after all they had become close friends while shooting and now being with each other everyday for promo, but the only person you really wanted to talk to was Jen; it was always Jen. 

Jen got home long before you, taking her time to deep clean the flat and cook dinner for you once again, knowing you would be exhausted from your long day of work. 

She didn’t hear you opening the door and making your way through the flat, she had been vacuuming with her headphones on and dancing around your bedroom. You stood in the doorway for a few minutes after spotting her, admiring her and waiting for her to see you. And when she did, boy did she get a fright. 

“Ah fuck!” Jen almost jumped out of her skin when she finally turned around and spotted you lurking in the doorway, using one hand to remove her headphones and the other to turn the vacuum off. “How long have you been standing there?” She dropped the vacuum and began to walk over to you. 

“A few minutes. I was admiring your hidden dance skills.” You smiled and stood up straighter, welcoming her into a hug like you do every day. “Hi.” You mumbled into her shoulder. 

“Hi love.” She pulled back and leaned in for a soft kiss. No matter how many times you kiss Jen, it feels like the very first time all over again, even after 4 years. “Busy day?” She asked as you parted, taking in your tired expression. 

“Busy day.” You nodded and smiled at her. “How was training?” You asked as you walked hand and hand to the kitchen. 

“Good, good to be back with the girls.” Jen smiled at you before letting go to retrieve dinner from the oven. You stood at the counter, simply watching her as she moved about wrapping up dinner. “Go put something on, I’ve got it.” Jen smiled and placed a kiss on your temple before ushering you to the lounge room.

“Okay bossy.” You laughed before making your way to the couch and switching the TV over to Netflix to finish the final episode of Bridgerton. You wait patiently for her on the couch, looking over your shoulder every few seconds to see if she is coming around the corner. 

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Jen is trying to hide her anxiety and nervousness as she plates up dinner and feels her pocket one more time. With two champagne glasses now full and a tray full of food she finally makes her way to you, letting out a final breath before entering the living room. 

“Dinner is served.” She places the tray down on the table and bows which makes you laugh. Your eyes fall on the glasses and you’re instantly confused. 

“What’s with the champagne? Decide the wine wasn’t good enough?” You joked and she let out a small laugh shaking her head. 

“Some nights are a little more special than the others.” She cryptically says and has you even more confused but you leave the comment alone and hit play on the remote. 

You eat dinner together while watching the episode, silently watching with a bit of commentary along the way before cuddling up after eating. The episode finishes and you can feel Jen’s heart beating particularly fast, her fingers are nervously playing with one another and she hasn’t spoken in a few minutes. You sit up silently and look at her, she doesn’t look at you. You’re about to fill the silence when she beats you to it. 

“You know how much I love you, right?.” Jen rushes out and leaves you slightly bewildered. 

“I know. I love you just as much.” You reply. “What’s wrong?” You bring your hand up to brush her hair back into her low bun. 

“I’m about to do something and I hope you don’t think it’s random and forced because it’s not and I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I didn’t want to make a massive deal about it because it’s just you and me and that’s all that matters.” Jen speaks in one long breath and you need a second for your brain to catch up but before it can she’s pulling you up off the couch with her and standing in front of you. She holds your hands in hers and looks directly at you. 

“Wha-” Before you could even think about finishing your sentence, a giant gasp leaves your mouth at her next action. She drops down to one knee whilst still holding holding your hands, smiling up at you as tears well in your eyes. 

“My love, I could go on and on about how much I love you but you already know. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with, no matter where it shall take us. So,” She let go of your hands, you bringing them up to your face and hers reaching down into her pocket. She fishes the small, black box out, opening it to reveal a sparkling ring and looks back up at you. “Y/N Y/L/N, will you-” 

“YES!” You interrupt her before she gets to finish causing her to laugh and shake her head. 

You just stand there admiring her as she gets up and removes the ring from the box. She brings your shaking left hand from your face and slides the ring on. Your jaw drops at the ring before you jump into her arms, causing her to react quickly and grab hold of your legs. “I love you so much Jen.” You cry into her shoulder as she holds you before you lift your head up, meeting your eyes with hers before pulling in for a kiss. 

The rest of the night is spent in one another's arms just admiring each other and talking softly with each other about the rest of your lives while wrapped up in your sheets.

yourinstagram and jbeattie91

yourinstagram we joined the club 💍

liked by jbeattie91, stephcatley, bethmead_ and 834,032 others

stephcatley so happy for you! welcome to the club 😉

bethmead_ about time jen jen. congrats 🥰

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THE END!

[ctrlsht]

I want to request a ff. can you make yandere CEO sugar daddy jungkook ff? if you are accepting my request then please don't make yn the typical humble sweet innocent girl who gots herself into that situation just because her dear mom or grandma is on verge of dying and she doesn't have any money so she took that path to save them. no please make her character different. Like a spoiled brat and arrogant girl who wanna have lavish life and power forever and takes advantage of the fact of having powerful handsome most sought after man on her side. kinda gold digger type but not really since she doesn't want to leave him and she actually enjoys his obsession/yandereness until it gets too much. I want to actually see kinda negative female lead than typical positive character? Doesn't really have to be negative just bitchy kinda toxic demanding clingy character etc.

Btw i loved your ffs who is in control and seat of power. I hope you keep making more yandere Jungkook ffs in future. I hope to see more of your ffs in future. You have already become one of my fav author in Tumblr 🩷

Don’t Blame Me | sugar daddy!jungkook one-shot au teaser

pairing: sd!jungkook x reader genre: one-shot & yandere au

summary: You can have everything you want and need as long as you have Jeon Jungkook by your side. You were enjoying everything that Jungkook gives you and as long as you obey him. You’re sure to yourself that you will never fail him but he was the one who failed you. Everything is fine until he gets too much. 

content  & warnings: sugar daddy & ceo jk, college reader, manipulative behavior, unhealthy behavior, possessive & obsessive jk, yandere, bitchy reader, jk sabotaging reader’s career

date of release: June 12, 2023 | evening (KST)

Preview:

“Baby.” Is the first thing he said after a long silence between the two of you.

“A-are you… Mad?” He asked in his low and soft voice like he really sounded guilty from what he just did. 

“What was that, Jungkook?” You finally spoke and annoyance is evident in your voice. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I just want us to have our dinner because we haven’t done it for weeks already.” His voice was still low and soft just like a child that was scrolled by his mom. 

He doesn’t like it when you’re mad. It rarely happens but when you did, he felt like he did really something terrible for you to get this angry. 

“It was our due date this week, Jungkook and we’re not yet done with our paper. We still have a lot of things to do and I don’t understand why you can’t understand it.” 

He’s getting anxious with how your voice sounds. You’re so pissed and he immediately regrets the actions he just did. 

You sound like you hate him now and that you regret being with him. It’s like any minute, you would open your door and leave him alone. 

By just thinking about it makes him crazy. 

He held your hands and placed them on his lips and you can feel his hands shaking.

“Y/N baby I’m sorry! I’ll promise that I’ll be the one to finish all your works I swear. You already knew that those things are only a piece of cake for me and I can finish that in no time I promise!” He speaks so fast and you feel his anxiousness within his shaking voice and hands. 

“I acted without thinking. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He added as he intertwined his fingers with yours and his lips touched the back of your hand.

He’s too scared that he has to feel you right now in order to calm his nerves because when he doesn't, you might drift away from him. 

“But seriously, Jungkook. What was that?” You asked after a long silence. 

The more that you call him by his name, the more anxious he gets because you don’t call him only by his name. 

“When I read your message—

“I thought you didn’t read them?” He looked at you in your eyes and he bites his lips. 

“I lied. I’m sorry.” He admits and you become more confused with his actions. You don’t understand what’s with him. 

“Baby, I'm uneasy and I felt that something is not right and I saw your location and I saw the guy and I don’t know, I feel like my heart will explode! Babe, I can’t sit well because you’ve been declining my invites multiple times and I don’t know what’s happening and I’m overthinking things.”

Even though he talks too fast, you understand where he’s coming from. You’ve seen this before and you know the reason why this is happening.

“So you thought that I ditched you for Yuan?” You asked, trying to hide your smile. 

“Who’s Yuan?” When he asked that, you immediately cracked up.

“Baby, who’s Yuan?” He asked once again.

“The guy I’m with. Jungkook, what the heck!” You can’t take it as you laugh so hard. 

“Babe, why are you—

“You’re getting jealous of someone you forgot! Who’s not going to laugh at that?” You speak in between your laughs. 

Your laughs continued until you realized that he doesn’t find the situation funny. Your laugh slowly fades when you see how serious he is. 

“I was just kidding! Why so serious, Ggukie?” You spoke and you clung to his arm. You still find the situation funny and you tried your best not to laugh since he’s being serious.

After  a few moments, he spoke. 

“Did you really… Ditch me?” He asked in his low and soft voice and you instantly looked at him in horror while you shook your head.

“Of course not! Why would I do that?” You respond in defense. He looked at your eyes trying to see the sincerity of your words but he’s having a hard time finding it. He looked away as he looked down and you took a deep breath.

“Babe, look at me.” You caressed his face as you moved his head to look at you. His eyes glow in the dark and you love how pleading his eyes look. 

“I understand where you’re coming from but believe me when I say that whenever I decline your invites is because I really do have to finish something. Babe, you know how I value my academics and I am aiming for a latin honor. You know that right?” You brushed your thumb off his cheek and he closed his eyes to feel your touch. 

“And Yuan? He’s just a research partner and nothing else. And please, don’t be insecure because of him. He’s nothing compared to you. And I don’t like him either.” You lean forward to kiss his forehead. 

“Don’t you ever think that I would ever like him because it’s a fucking insult. I have a standard, babe and he didn’t even meet the 1% of my standard.” You spoke in a demeaning tone before you pushed your back at the backrest. 

a/n: This is the first time that I received a ff request and tbh, I was kinda nervous because I might not meet the expectation of the person who requested it. I write everything based on what the ff requester wants and hopefully, I did it right! It was hard for me to go out of my comfort zone when it comes to writing (what I mean is writing a ff that wasn’t me who plotted it) but I realized, why not try it? To the one who requested this, I hope you’ll like it! 

[sarahivi]

Here is the 1st past of the interview

https://youtu.be/jSJrL2-v3rw?si=loArT85ZV7n5sZ8N

Tenoch- I was lynched publicly, a rather violently lynching against me and my family, a lot of the messages said for example, even from journalist saying “Well, how good , you deserve it for chairo” (chairo is a word used for people that supports left party) , “ Of course, but there you were with your fucking Poder Prieto, this are the consequences” No one said is real what she is saying, I believe her, no what they were saying is you deserve it.

Even before that attack the last message that I have before meeting the president it was a message from her telling me “ I love you so much, I admire you, you are a great man, you are an example”

Interviewer– How long before?

T – 2 weeks

I – And after your meeting with the president Lopez Obrador 6 days pass and she

T – She changes completely

I – Why you remain quiet?

T – Because in that moment, we’re talking about the 22nd, more than a fight between friends and that a person tells you in a text message, “I’m sorry, I use an inappropriate term for loose dick”

WhatsApp Screen:

“Negro, I’m not angry if you need to talk tell me and we can talk as friends.

Also, I love you so much and forgive me if I use the least appropriate term for loose dick.

I wouldn’t harm anyone, least of all you. If I don’t hate the one that tried to kill me, I don’t harm him, you understand?

Never, I would never do something to harm you, never. Not you

Forgive me”

T – You say Ok, everything is OK, we don’t have any issue, I won’t affect this person, but you say, you know what here it ends and that’s it, we remain as friends

I – After that message you end your relationship with Maria Elena?

T – Yes, from that we didn’t went intimate

I – You talked about it?

T – Yes

I – and you both agree?

T – Yes, when we started to be intimate, she commented, actually she commented in the group

I – Intimacy you mean sexual relations?

T – Yes, she commented in front of other people within the collective in a chat were there were some member, not the main chat, it was a group for friends and she said that she was seeing other people, that even she was going out with.

I – This when she was seeing you?

T – Yes

I – and you have talked about it before?

T – Yes

I – an open relationship

T – Yes, and I said, everything is good, I too go out with other people, for me there is no issue

I – She accused you of being a sexual violator

T - Yes

I - it is a serious accusation Tenoch

T – She had done it before within the collective , we had a an issue , I talked to her when this happened and she told me “ well, what are you willing to give to calm this mess?” in that moment she told me that and I said , well I can apologize

I – so she extort you?

T – I did’t know, I don’t know , I said I can apologize , she laugh and she said no, nothing happened everything is ok, we are good and that’s it, then in the night she told me that I made her smile, that that made me a manipulator because she smiled, it was almost a year after that, talking with a friend in a party, he was a psychologist , and he told me that was an extortion and I told him , no how? She did’t tell me give me money , and he told me no, the professional are very subtle when they do those things. And I told him why she didn’t insist? And he told me, she didn’t insist? And where are you standing now?

I – So there is no any legal complaint

T – Against me, no

I – No, against her, against Maria Elena Rios from you

T – no, there are legal actions

I – But not a complaint?

T – No

I – you accuse her publicly of extortion in a letter that you published in your social media

T – Yes, first she said that I made her fall in love to sleep with her

I – and she, in June 15th 2023 published a letter accusing you of sexual aggression, remove the condom without telling her is violence

T – Yes it is

I – And you did it

T – no, she took the initiative and we had sexual relations without a condom

I – She never ask you

T – No, never

I – and why her statement?

T – that’s something that she will have to answer

I – She accuse the Poder Prieto collective, that you and her are part of, or were part of , to be a sect that you use to sleep with the members in exchange of favors, those are serious accusations

T – So serious, Look there was aswell, when all the attacks started we received information from collectives and journalist , serious information, legal documents against her and her family, crimes as extortion, aggression, organized crime, sale of places a lot of serious thing, some of them my legal team found they were true and that information when I recieved it I was terrified and decided not to go forward.

*************

tonight will be released the second part

After the interview was said that Elena contacted them and said that she wants to see the interview 1st before replying

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 26

A trip outside the QZ turns dangerous. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-25 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Injuries from canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 5.2k

Tuesday, June 6, 2023 - Two Years Later

“I’m not doing this with you again, Joel,” Tess snapped, staring him down from across the table. “I’m not letting your obsession…” 

“It’s not fucking safe, Tess,” he cut her off. “When was the last time we went out and didn’t run into raiders? Last two months have been especially bad…” 

“You think it’s safe for you and me but not safe for her?” She demanded.

“No, it’s not safe for anyone,” he snapped back. “But you I trust to actually kill someone, you can take care of yourself. Who knows what the fuck she would do if she gets picked up by fuckin’ raiders…” 

“Who knows what you would do if she gets picked up by fucking raiders, that’s what you mean,” she knocked back the rest of her drink. “I’m done with this shit, I’m done with your paranoia around Doc dictating our goddamn operation…” 

“When have I ever dictated a damn thing about our operation?” His jaw clenched. 

“How about when you told your brother, our partner, to leave town without consulting me because she got hurt?” She said. “Or when you killed not one but fucking two FEDRA guards in the QZ because you saw them as a threat…” 

“They were a fucking threat!” 

“Not to mention the time you made the call to leave me in the QZ when you took her outside the first time,” she snapped. “Even though you knew you’re a goddamn liability where she’s concerned! You need to get over this woman who you’ve had nothing to do with in damn near 15 years, Joel! She’s done with you, you need to be done with her. Fucking leave it.”

She went to leave but he followed her. 

“You take her out there and I’m not goin’,” he said. “End of story.” 

“Tell me what the fuck it is you want, Joel!” She yelled. “Because it sure seems like you don’t want to be anything to anyone. You didn’t want anything with me! It sure seemed like you could have had whatever you wanted with her and you didn’t take it and now you’re doing this and I don’t fucking understand you! Do you really think she’s just going to accept us not bringing her out anymore? That she’ll just listen to whatever the hell it is you tell her? Because you’ve got a funny taste in women if that’s what you’re after…” 

“She isn’t one of us, she doesn’t have to know when we go out!” He yelled. “No one says we have to involve her in shit, Tess…” 

“And when she asks?” She demanded. “When we need more medical gear?” 

“We bring Andrew out,” he said. Tess stood there for a moment, just blinking at him. “He talked to me few weeks back. Wanted me to consider bringing him instead of her, he’s worried too. He’s heard shit from other smugglers and guards about what it’s like out there. He’ll go, she’ll still get what she’s after and he will actually fucking look out for himself. Besides, the chances of raiders trying to grab him are a whole hell of a lot lower than with her.” 

“His wife know about this plan?” Tess asked, a bit calmer now. 

Joel shrugged. 

“Not my business.” 

She looked at him, shaking her head. 

“You better pray nothing happens to him,” she said. “Because if it does and she finds out it was your doing…” 

Joel shrugged again. 

“Long as she’s alive to hate me?” He said. “I don’t give a shit.” 

Tess sighed. 

“Fine,” she said, resigned. “Talk to Andrew. Tell Doc, don’t tell Doc, whatever. I’m done trying to make sense of your shit with her.” 

She stalked toward the door. 

“Going to the Speakeasy,” she said. “Appreciate it if you didn’t join.” 

Joel sighed. He could hardly blame Tess, not when she was right. He poured himself more whiskey. He’d never been able to find a balance he felt like he could survive with you. There was so close that it felt like he was on the edge of a cliff and gravity was winning. The feeling that he was inches from destruction. But then there was so far that felt like he was stretching and reaching, part of him always trying to get to you. It didn’t matter what else it strained, what else it hurt, there was the constant pull toward you. There was no middle ground. There was either too close or not close enough. 

He went to the clinic when he knew you’d be at school but Andrew still greeted him with a “She’s not here.” 

“That’s the point,” Joel said. “Here for you. Rather she not know. Have a minute?” 

Andrew flagged down a woman to watch the desk and led Joel outside the clinic. 

“Next run, I’m not takin’ her,” he said. “Still interested?” 

“Why the change?” Andrew frowned. “You weren’t going for that before.” 

“Raiders are getting bad,” he replied. “You and me they’d just kill. Her…” 

Andrew nodded. 

“Can’t tell her,” Joel said. “Not until we’re back, she’ll try to stop you going.” 

“Trust me, I know,” Andrew said. “Luckily, Doc is Doc and she keeps a thorough log of what meds she’s after and what’s she’s used. I won’t need to ask her for shit.” 

“We’re heading out this weekend,” Joel said. “It’ll be a few days. Make sure your wife’s on board.” 

He just nodded and Joel was thankful, once again, that you had a friend like Andrew. 

***

“Doc,” Ellie sighed dramatically, drawing the word out as she trudged into your classroom and flopped into a desk, putting her head down. “I’m so freakin’ bored.” 

“Hi, Ellie, I’m doing well, thank you for asking,” you smiled. “How are you?” 

She raised her head enough to glare at you before putting it back down. 

“If all I’m going to do is go shoot infected for FEDRA why do I have to know about verbs?” She asked. 

“Because everyone needs to know about verbs,” you replied. “Can’t read or speak without them.” 

“Can they make them less boring at least?” She lifted her head again. “Because right now they feel stupid as fu… something stupid.” 

“Want something not boring?” You asked. Her head shot up. You smiled conspiratorially. “I got you stuff.” 

“Oh fuck yes!” She winced. “Sorry. Heck yes?” 

You just laughed and went into your school bag, pulling out photo copies of books that were in libraries of other schools that Derek got you into when he’d go teach his photography course. Ellie came and stood in front of your desk, leaning over to see what you were grabbing. 

“Got this whole thing on black holes,” you said, handing her a packet. “This one on a probe that is still probably flying through space and should be past Pluto by now.” You gave her another packet. “And then this on roller coasters.” You gave her a magazine. 

“Hell yeah!” 

You gave her a look.

“What? I said hell,” she said. “That one doesn’t even count.” 

“Go sit in your corner you gremlin,” you rolled your eyes but smiled anyway. 

“Gladly,” she smiled, chin tilted up, and took her bundle of pages over to the beanbags. She started with the roller coasters as you put on a tape and started grading tests. 

“Hey Doc?” She said after a few minutes. 

“Hm?” 

“Did you ride roller coasters?” She asked. “Was that like… a thing everyone did or was it kind of special?” 

“Well,” you shrugged. “It kind of depended. Most people did at least once but it was still kind of special. There weren’t roller coasters near where I lived as a kid and my grandma didn’t have much money but I went to a theme park with a friend once when I was about your age. And a few times with a friend and his daughter when I was in college. I rode some roller coasters then. They were pretty fun but most of the time when you went to theme parks, you spent a lot of time waiting in line.” 

“Ew,” she crinkled her nose and went back to reading. 

“Hey Doc,” Riley trudged in. 

“Hi Riley,” you said, holding out the book she’d been reading when she came to sit with Ellie. She took it and went and plopped on the other beanbag chair. “Rough day?” 

She just grunted. 

“I’m here if you want to talk,” you said, going back to grading. 

You weren’t surprised when she didn’t take you up on it. Ellie was far more likely to talk to you than her older counterpart. She’d come to your classroom almost every weekday for the past two years. For a while, she was pretty quiet. She’d bring in her reading or take from the shelf and go sit in the corner. You didn’t press her. A few months in, she’d do more than ask you questions about her reading. She talked about her classmates, the issues with FEDRA teachers and administration, about the comic books she liked. You’d started looking for the series she mentioned when you went to the underground markets or were outside the QZ as well as books about space. She’d quickly become a bright spot in your day. 

Riley, on the other hand, had become more withdrawn the last few months. She’d never opened up to you the way Ellie had, but she seemed to like you better than her other teachers and she always put in an effort in class. But lately, she’d been tired, preoccupied. You’d tried talking to her but hadn’t gotten very far - something made all the more frustrating by the fact that you were pretty sure there was no one else at the school checking in with her. She was at risk of falling through the cracks of the system and you weren’t sure you were enough of a net to catch her. 

Derek was always trying to tell you that you couldn’t save everyone and, consciously, you knew he was right. But that didn’t stop you from trying. 

It’s part of why you’d pressed so hard working on your cordyceps treatment theory. It took years - literal years - of working with samples and trying different formulations but, earlier in the year you’d found something that actually seemed to work. The right chemical combination delivered in the right way and the samples didn’t grow. They stayed in the tissue where they’d been implanted, not stretching beyond it. 

“Do you know what this means?” You asked Elias, all but shoving your notes into his hands. “We could make it so a bite isn’t a death sentence. It’s not going to cure anybody but it can make it so people can leave the QZ, go near infected to wipe them out without needing to worry as much… I mean it still needs trials but…” 

“It’s a great idea,” he said, sounding exhausted. “But do you really think we’ll be able to get the powers that be to divert manufacturing to synthesize it? Let alone the process it will take to make the factories to produce the stuff?” 

“Elias, we’re talking about something that can start getting the world back,” you looked at him, baffled. 

“I know,” he clapped a hand on your shoulder. “And I’m telling you that I don’t know that there is a world to get back.” 

You just stared at him for a moment in disbelief. 

“I’ll run it up the chain,” he said. “But… I’m not optimistic.” 

He walked away, leaving you alone with your notes in your hands. 

So you did the next best thing you could think of. You found Marlene. 

“This is…” she looked through your pages. “I mean, I don’t know shit about the science of it but your tests…” 

“They’re not tests on living subjects,” you hedged. “I mean, in the before times we’d be years out from human trials but give that the bitten are pretty much dead men walking, if we can equip people going outside the walls with this stuff we can always just see if it works when the inevitable happens… It’s not a cure and it’s by no means a sure thing but it’s a start.” 

“I’ll take a start.” 

You weren’t able to get anything more out of Riley before the weekend and Andrew was out at work on Saturday, which made you oddly nervous. Marta said Jess said he was sick but something felt off. He’d been fine on Friday… 

Derek was convinced you were being paranoid but you still woke up feeling uneasy on Monday. 

Riley missed class entirely that day. Ellie looked particularly downtrodden at lunch but didn’t say much. When you asked if something was wrong, she just shrugged, looking distracted. 

Andrew was still missing when you got to work. 

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Derek said when he came to meet you that evening. “He probably just has the flu or something. I’m sure Jess would have gotten you if it were anything serious…” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I know you’re right. I just… something doesn’t feel right.” 

It set your teeth on edge. You couldn’t sit still, tapping your pen on charts when you had a patient, the front desk when you didn’t. 

“Can you not hover?” Marta asked. “I’m not Andrew, for me it’s just weird.” 

“Sorry,” you sighed when the front door of the clinic flew open and Tess and Joel came running in, all but dragging Andrew between them. 

Your eyes went wide. Andrew was covered in blood, his head hanging limp. You screamed for help as you ran for him. 

“What happened?” You frantically pulled at his clothes, trying to get to his skin. His face was pale and his eyes were closed. You looked back over your shoulder. No one else was coming yet. “Help me!” 

“We were almost back,” Tess said quickly. “Raiders came out of fucking nowhere, Andrew was in back…” 

You got the bloody shirt raised enough to see the bullet holes. You scrambled to stem the bleeding as Kristen and Lee came up from the back. You kept your hands on Andrew’s stomach, your skin turning red with his blood, trying desperately to hold him together. They started trying to move him and you moved with them, hands still on him, until someone held you back. 

“You can’t help him,” Marta’s voice was thick, wet. “You can’t do it, it has to be someone else…” 

“I can…” you reached for the doors but she held you in place. 

“You can’t,” she said. “You’re too close, you can’t.” 

You weren’t sure when you’d started sobbing but your face was wet and your vision was blurry and you were too covered in blood to do anything about it. You turned to Joel and Tess. 

“Why was he out there?” You asked. Tess looked at Joel. You raised your voice. “Why was he out there!” 

Tess looked at Joel again. He just stared at the ground. 

It was like something in you snapped. Everything you’d tied up in him for decades, everything you’d felt, everything you’d longed for, everything you’d imagined existed for yourself in another time and place and world with Joel at core of it. It broke open, spilling out of you in a rush. 

You shoved him. He didn’t move to stop you. 

“It’s you, it’s always fucking you!” You pushed him again. “Decided you were done seeing me so you dragged him into it!” You threw your entire body weight at him. He caught you and held onto you until you forced him back. “I can count on one FUCKING HAND the number of people on this planet who are happy I exist and you had to take him? You hate me that fucking much?” 

Joel’s eyes finally left the ground and met yours. He was was in so much pain you could almost feel it. You stopped pushing him. His shirt was covered in your bloody handprints. 

“He has a wife! He has kids! He fucking matters to people and you dragged him into this?” You were panting for breath, still crying. You didn’t think you could stop crying if you tried. “I’ve spent half my life in love with you, Joel, half my fucking life begging to matter to you and instead you just…” A sob choked you for a moment. “I wish I’d never fucking met you. I wish you never touched me. I wish you never called me that night I wish you never came to fucking Boston I wish you just got the fuck out of my life and left me alone!” 

You went to shove him again but arms appeared behind you and Derek pulled you back into his chest, holding you in place. 

“I hate you!” You snarled it at him. “I wish it had been you, it should have been fucking you!” 

He just stood there, staring at you for a moment as Derek held you tightly to him, before Joel turned and left. After a moment, Derek’s grip on you loosened. Your head spun. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tess was staring at you. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about…” 

“Fuck off, Tess,” you snapped. “You could have put a stop to it, you could have just not let him come…” 

“Not Andrew,” she shook her head, stepping close to you. “Joel. How dare you. The shit he’s done for you, the shit he’s gone through for you…” 

“For me?” You snapped. “No, it had nothing to do with me! It’s always been about him, Tess, and you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that.” 

“You could have walked away at anytime,” she all but snarled at you. “You could have actually stayed away from him, told him no when he fucking caved and you never did, you never fucking did…” 

“You think it’s my fault?” You snapped. “All his shit…” 

“You could have left him with me!” She yelled. She took a second to calm down. “You could have left him with me and you fucking didn’t. You just hung on…” 

“Of course I did,” you said, quieter now, too. “I didn’t have a choice.” 

She looked at you, the side of her shirt wet with Andrew’s blood. 

“I’ll go tell his wife,” she said. “I hope he makes it.” 

You felt unsteady on your feet and Derek’s arms went around you guiding you to a seat in the empty waiting room. You looked down at your hands, splotched with drying blood. Andrew’s blood. You stared at the wall. 

Jess came in. You weren’t sure how much time had passed but she was frantic. You stood up and she grabbed you, choking on her tears. You held her loosely, still in a daze, and she sat beside you, holding your bloody hand. Derek’s hand was on your back. You stared at the wall. You weren’t sure if you were really blinking. You weren’t sure time was passing. You weren’t sure how long you sat there. The blood on your shirt hardened as it dried. Jess’ hand stayed firmly in your own. 

Lee came out from the back and you and Jess jumped to your feet, hands still clasped tight. 

“It was close,” he said. “But he pulled through.” 

You didn’t really hear anything else Lee said after that. He let you back to see him and he was just coming around when you did, his eyes heavy and voice groggy. 

“What happened?” He managed after Jess had fawned over him for a minute.

“You were a dumbass who went outside the QZ,” you tried to sound upset about it but you were too happy to see him alive. “What were you thinking?” 

“Wanted to be the cool one for a change,” he smiled a little at you. You just rolled your eyes. 

“I’ll give you two a minute,” you leaned over and kissed his forehead. “But I swear to God Andrew you pull that shit on me again…” 

“I know, I know,” he said. “You’re the cool one and you’ll kill me to keep the title.” 

You went back to the waiting room. The clinic was closed but it was shortly before curfew and Derek was standing near the door. 

“Hey,” you sighed, coming over and pressing your forehead into his chest, expecting his arms to go around you. They didn’t. 

“He looking OK?” He asked. His voice was distant. You frowned. 

“Yeah,” you pulled back from him. “Everything OK?” 

He laughed darkly. 

“No, no I can’t say everything’s OK,” he shook his head. Your frown deepened. “Is Joel the reason you wouldn’t move in with me?” 

You froze. You had been so mad at Joel you’d forgotten that Derek was even there. Derek, who you’d never told about Joel. 

He pressed on. 

“Is Joel the reason that, when I asked if you thought about children, you said no?” He asked. “Jesus Christ, we’ve been together for almost seven years and you never thought to tell me you were in love with another man? A man you were regularly leaving the QZ with?” 

“Derek…” 

“Did you ever love me at all?” He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Fuck, I tried to build a life with you!” 

“Of course I love you…” You were crying again. You weren’t quite sure when you started. “I just… It’s different and… Nothing happened with him, it’s been years, it’s been so long and…” 

“But you still loved him,” he said. “Right? You were still in love with him the whole time you were with me, right?” 

You didn’t say anything. You just tried to keep from sobbing. 

“That’s what I thought,” he ran a hand through his hair, turning away from you. “Fuck!” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you I just…” 

“You just what?” He asked turning back to you. “You just thought you’d lie to me forever?” 

“I just thought I could love you,” you said. “I do love you, it’s just not the same as him but I thought… I thought it could be. That if I ever could with anyone it would be with you because I do love you, I want to love you that way, I want a life with you…” 

“Wanting it just isn’t enough,” he shook his head, a look of sad disbelief still on his face. “Especially not after you lied to me for half a goddamn decade. It’s just not enough.” 

“Derek…” 

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “I can’t do this, not with you. I hope you get what you want someday, I really do. But I can’t do this.” 

He left and you stared out the front door, into the darkness, for a while. You weren’t sure how long. Eventually, you walked in a daze to Andrew’s room. Jessica had her head down on one side of his bed, his hand on her head. You pulled up a chair to the other side of him. 

“Hey,” he whispered. 

“Hey,” you managed a smile. 

“20 years later and we’re still the codependency crew,” he smiled back. 

“Yeah,” you sat down and put your head down beside him. “We are.” 

Tuesday, August 15, 2023 

“You know you don’t need to keep coming over, right?” Andrew asked, smiling down at you from the couch, his head propped on his fist. “Don’t need as much help now…” 

“Who said I was coming over for your benefit?” You scoffed. You were lying on your back, baby Jonah - named for Andrew’s father - on your chest. He was big enough that he was just starting to run and it seemed like he wanted to do that and nothing else. You swooped the toddler toward your face and blew a raspberry on both cheeks before lifting him straight up overhead, making whooshing sounds. He giggled and clapped his chubby little hands. “I’m clearly just hanging out with my best friends.” 

Elizabeth came over and hung her head over your own, her curls bobbing as she cocked her head at you. 

“Auntie Doc,” she said, her voice very serious. “Did you know your teeth are bones?” “Are they really?” You said. “Thank you so much for telling me, that is very big news…” 

“We’re reading a book about the body,” Jess flopped on the couch beside her husband. “We learned about the skeleton today.” 

“OK sweetie, Auntie Doc’s arms are getting tired so you have to move so I can bring your brother in for a landing,” you said. Elizabeth scrunched her nose but obeyed, stepping to the side so you could bring Jonah back down to your chest. 

“Who needs the gym when you have tiny humans to lift, hm?” You kept a hand on Jonah while reaching out to tickle Elizabeth, who shrieked and giddily fled toward the other side of the coffee table. 

“Alright tiny ones,” Andrew clapped his hands on his legs. “Bed time, let’s go.” 

He got up - slowly - off the couch and you lifted Jonah so he wouldn’t need to bend all the way down to reach him. Elizabeth whined all the way down the hall. You smiled. 

“I know a lot of it didn’t work out but damn,” Jess sighed. “You’d be such an amazing mom.” 

Your heart clenched at that. 

“Thanks,” you said quietly. 

“Are you planning to stay here again?” She asked. You lifted your head to look at her. 

“I feel like you’re asking me not to,” you smiled a little. 

“Not exactly,” she crinkled her nose. “But Andrew had his follow up today with Lee and…” she glanced down the hallway before lowering her voice. “I really want to f-u-c-k my husband now that he’s cleared for it which is a little tricky with you there.” You laughed. 

“I mean I guess if you want to have THAT kind of relationship with the guy,” you said dryly. 

She laughed, too. 

“Look, I’m definitely not kicking you out,” she said. “Lord knows he probably cock blocked you enough through the years when I was outside the QZ for work. If you won’t be OK at home, stay here with us…” 

“No,” you sighed. “I need to get used to it.” 

You’d hardly been to your apartment since Andrew got hurt. You’d only slept there twice since outside a few naps here and there. Otherwise, you’d been at Andrew and Jess’ place. At first, it was to help with the kids. Or that was the excuse you told yourself, anyway. Andrew had barely even made it into the apartment after being released. He needed help doing everything for weeks and you wrangling the kids gave Jess the space she needed to take care of him. The clinic had all but removed you from the schedule while Andrew recovered, you coming by for a while on Saturday and Sunday but otherwise just teaching and helping them. You’d started going back for a few hours most days but you were still at Andrew and Jess’ place all the time otherwise. 

You knew your apartment was going to feel lonely. Not just because Derek was gone but because you’d smothered the loss with Elizabeth and Jonah and the feeling of being needed. It was time to get back to real life. 

“You’re sure?” She said. “Because I mean it, you can just move in if you want…” 

You laughed at that. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I’ll go home. It’ll be good for me, I need to start adjusting.” 

“Hey,” she said, making you look at her. “You know we love you right? Me, him, the kids? Because we do.” 

You smiled. 

“Love you too.” 

You were right, your apartment was lonely. The air was stale and everything had a fine layer of dust. You made a mental note to try to set aside time to clean the place the next day, it desperately needed some TLC. As you went to bed you sighed and opened the bedside table drawer. Below a few notebooks was the picture of you, Joel and Sarah. 

It hadn’t sat by your bedside in years now. You took it out sometimes to look at when you were home alone but it always went back in the drawer when you were done, tucked away. Your fingers traced the contours of their faces. You wondered what Sarah would look like now. She’d have been the same age Joel was when you first got together - a little older, actually. That was difficult to picture. 

It was hard to think of her in that way. She’d gotten stuck in time, forever nothing but potential. She hadn’t figured out what she wanted to be yet, so you had a hard time picturing her having a career - just images of her looking happy and successful. But you could picture her in a wedding dress, Joel walking her down the aisle with a proud smile on his face. Her cradling a tiny baby with his mother’s springy curls and his grandfather’s nose. Her giving advice to her little sister - now a teenager with long dark hair and her dad’s warm brown eyes - about how to survive college. 

It didn’t seem to matter how much Joel seemed to hate you, how much you desperately wished you could hate him, he’d been built into you somehow. You couldn’t shake him, no matter how hard you tried. 

You put the picture back in its spot beside your bed and tried to sleep, feeling more alone than you had since Joel left you before the outbreak. 

It wasn’t a deep sleep. When there was a quick, quiet knock at your door, you woke with a start. You frowned, glancing at the time. It was well after curfew. You got up and looked through the peephole and saw Ellie, huddled against your door. 

You fumbled with the locks, rushing to get the door open. She hadn’t been in class in a week, you’d asked several administrators where she was and no one would give you a straight answer. You’d gone by her room to check on her and she was nowhere to be found but she hadn’t taken much with her if she’d left. You were about to go to Elias and try to leverage what little FEDRA connections you had to see what records they had about where she’d gone, see if you could get to her. Riley had vanished, too, and you just prayed Ellie hadn't gone after her.

Instead, she’d shown up at your door. You’d given her your address and schedule months ago when she showed up in class with a black eye. 

“You ever feel unsafe,” you said. “Come to me. I will help you, I will drop whatever I’m doing and I will handle it, OK?” 

“OK,” she said. 

She hadn’t shown up with a black eye since. You hadn’t pressed. 

“Ellie,” you pulled her into your chest the second the door was open. Her eyes were teary. She looked exhausted. “Where have you been, what’s been going on? I’ve been asking administration where they sent you but…” 

“Doc,” she sniffed as she pulled back from you and held out her right arm. You gasped, your hand going to your mouth. There was a vicious bite there, the teethmarks deep in her flesh. “I’m in trouble.” 

A/N: AND WE'VE REACHED THE SHOW TIMELINE BUCKLE UP FOLKS!

Yes, everyone got super blown apart this chapter. That's the goal, they're at their most emotionally vulnerable just at the start of this big trip, it's going to be great and angsty and they're going to be forced to reckon with their shit because it's right at the surface heading into these extreme situations GET READY!

I have a taglist that I do my best to keep current, so if you'd like to be added please comment below!

Thank you so much for reading and interacting and getting into this story I decided to write one day. It means so much to me that you're invested in it and I love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot @ayamenimthiriel @ginger-swag-rapunzel @drewharrisonwriter @flugazi @pedropascalsbbg @taoyuji @starstruckmusiciansartghost @splendsay @bigboiseason123 @jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10 @sloanexx @ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings @arizonadaydreamer @mumma-moonchild @blackroseguzzi @candypeaches16 @kittenlittle24 @wrappedinfiction @oatmeaiboy

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.) 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?) 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested. 

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword...  My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. * 

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me. 

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that. 

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have. 

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10 

I loved it, but not as a BL. 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness) 

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner 

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. 

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest. 

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10. 

RECOMMENDED 

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.) 

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly... 

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps -  Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it  the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????)  Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so. 

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you! 

All Step By Step 

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius) 

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian) 

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships. 

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there. 

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie. 

(Last week.)

[she-karev]

The Doppelganger (Maya x Carina Funny/Sweet Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of Four

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19

Fancast: AJ Cook as Mia Knight, Matthew Gray Gubler as Spencer Knight

Ship: Maya Bishop and Carina DeLuca

AN: I decided in honor of Pride month I was gonna do one shots of Maya and Carina because they are goals and since Station 19 ended it’s up to us to keep the epic romance alive. Sign up to save Station 19 guys it’s too good of a show to end so soon. If not ABC then let another platform take it and run it. https://www.change.org/p/save-station-19

Summary: Carina has a patient who looks almost exactly like Maya and everybody except her can see it.

Words: 2134

June 06, 2023

Carina and Andrew stand by the OB station waiting for their chief resident to present their patient. In honor of Pride month Carina has an iron on bisexual heart and a new progress pride flag embroidery patch on her white coat. Amber DeLuca nee Karev runs to her husband and sister-in-law with an apologetic look.

“Hey sorry I’m late I had to reassign Kwan. Apparently, Link is feeling nice and decided to let him skip pre op notes which is good for Kwan’s studying but bad for my patience.”

“Which is none.” Andrew points out knowing his wife.

“Exactly.” Amber grabs a tablet, “So what do we got?”

Carina explains leading them down the hall, “Mia Knight 45 years old, 39 weeks pregnant, she and her husband came here from Los Angeles for a scheduled C-section.”

“Los Angeles?” Amber asks reading the chart, “It’s a long way for a C-section, is there an indication for prenatal conditions? And why do we need a general surgery attending?”

“Because 8 years ago after she gave birth to her second child there was a tear in her bladder that the OB missed 6 hours after childbirth.” Amber looks at Andrew in shock over this horrific story, “She wasn’t a priority until her BP was dropping and they did an ultrasound. When they got her into the O.R. she had free fluid everywhere it took two trauma guys just to find the source.”

“She almost died.” Carina adds clearly triggered due to being newly pregnant, “And when she got pregnant again, she went to three OB’s who recommended a scheduled C-section so that she wouldn’t risk tearing the scar internally. I went to med school with one of them and she sent them to me.”

“I don’t blame her for being cautious. I would be too if something like that happened to me after Lucy was born. Are there any complications so far?”

“None but she’s 45 so she’s at risk for more post-partum complications than she was 8 years ago.” Carina stops them outside the door, “Let’s make sure she knows we are gonna do our best to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Carina opens the door and all three of them enter the room. Carina greets the couple with a smile while Amber and Andrew stand back in shock at what they see. Mia Knight is in bed reading a book over her gorging pregnant belly and when she looks up at them the couple can register that she looks just like Maya Bishop.

Mia puts the book down and turns to Carina, “Hi you must be the famous Carina I heard about. Dr. Lorenzo sings your praises.”

Carina smiles at that, “Oh that’s nice well I’m glad she sent you to me, I am here to deliver your baby safely and make sure you both get home. Where’s your husband?” Andrew and Amber look at Carina shocked she is acting so professional with a woman who could pull off as her wife.

Mia chuckles, “I told him this book was boring me, so he decided to go to the nearest store and get me a new standard romance. He’s been doting a lot. It was sweet at first but at some point, it got kind of annoying. I’m sure that’s the hormones talking.”

“He sounds devoted, I have a lot of patients whose husbands don’t even go in the delivery room. I think their afraid seeing their wives like that will ruin sex for them.”

Mia laughs while Amber and Andrew look at each other stumped. Amber mouths ‘Maya?’ and Andrew answers with a scared nod. Suddenly a man comes in with a Barnes and Noble bag.

“Hey sorry I’m late I was on the phone with your mom apparently Henry wants to spend the night with his friend and wanted to run it by me. Also, Phoenix wants to know if we can stop by the space needle and take a picture.”

Mia smiles, “Assuming I can fit in selfie mode by then. Spence this is our OB Dr. DeLuca, and this is the cavalry, doctors this is my husband, Spencer.”

Carina shakes his hand, “Hi Spencer you guys can call me Carina. So, Spencer what did you get the lady of the hour?”

He reaches in and takes out the books, “I got you a Colleen Hoover and a Nicholas Sparks if you feel like crying.”

Mia chuckles, “Spence I’m carrying a baby and I’m fat I’m always crying honey.”

“You look beautiful.” Spencer tells her for what no doubt feels like the 100th time causing her to kiss him on the lips. The sight of a clone of Maya kissing somebody else causes Amber and Andrew to stare too stunned to react. Carina turns to Amber and Andrew looking confused on why they look like they’re seeing a ghost.

“Dr. DeLuca?”

Both of them snap out of it and say at the same time, “Yeah.”

Mia catches on and looks amused, “Related?”

Carina points to them, “Brother and his wife, his wife who is supposed to be presenting.”

“Oh, wow three doctors in the family that’s gotta be a record.” Spencer chips in.

“Five actually my brother and his wife are also doctors here, yep a lot of us are connected, sometimes in very unexpected ways.” Andrew snorts under his breath with Carina looking at him confused. Amber clears her throat remembering where she is, “Mia Knight, 45, in today for a scheduled C-section and overnight observation.”

“And why is the C-section scheduled?” Carina asks.

“Due to a tear in her bladder after her last vaginal birth it’s safer to do it surgically that way it lowers the risks of opening old scars internally through labor. And because of her age she’s at risk for postpartum complications.”

“My age?” Mia asks Amber with an offended look. Andrew purses his lips and stands back not wanting to get in the middle of a showdown between his wife and a pregnant woman.

Amber looks up like she’s run into a knife, “Oh um…45 is young don’t get me wrong but for being pregnant it’s…it’s not…”

Mia breaks out into a smile and chuckles, “It’s okay I’m messing with you.” Amber exhales in relief and relaxes to Andrew’s amusement, “I know I’m no spring chicken that’s why I tossed the condoms out last year and here we are about to have a late in life baby.”

Spencer grins, “If you think I was shocked imagine our boys when they found out mom can still get pregnant. Henry is 13 and Phoenix is 8 so they know enough to be disgusted.”

Carina preps the ultrasound, “13 and 8, what are boys like at that age? I’m asking so there’s no surprises for me.”

Spencer helps Mia pull her gown open so they can do the ultrasound, “You have kids?”

“I have a son he’s 1 and my wife and I are pregnant.”

“Congratulations.” Mia exclaims as Carina puts the gel on her belly.

“Thank you. I’m asking because I want to be prepared for what happens down the road.”

“Oh, it’s the best.” Mia tells her with a smile, “They’re out of diapers and you can get them to wash your car for extra allowance money. It makes up for the teen hormones and them constantly saying ‘I am a grown up’. There’s always up and downs at every age, you just have to not lose your mind.”

Andrew chuckles, “It matters the most when their 2 our little girl is that age and she is an adorable monster.”

Amber grins, “Yeah she gets that from her father.” Andrew grins at Amber.

“I’ll be sure to remember that.” Carina waves the wand over the belly and the screen shows a fully developed baby boy, “The baby looks strong, fetal heartbeat is normal and he looks ready to kick out of there. Are you both excited for a third boy?”

Mia grins, “You know after we found out Phoenix’s sex we decided to try again after for a girl but then…” Mia looks tormented by her last birth causing her to cough, “I was fine with the life I had after and then when we found out we were pregnant again I didn’t care if it was a goat just as long as I would have a better experience than last time.”

“And we’re gonna give it to you.” Carina affectionately holds Mia’s arms for assurance causing Andrew and Amber to look at each other over her comforting her like she would comfort Maya, “We are here to listen and to help you deliver this baby safely and go back home safe and sound. I will do the C-Section with Dr. DeLuca there to help in case there’s any complications. Amber here will be monitoring you before and after and page us if there is an emergency.”

Spencer looks at Mia with worry, “Are you sure it’s not gonna happen again? Because I waited while she was in the O.R. with our sons and it was hell. I don’t want us to go through that again.”

Carina looks at them understanding, “I know you’re scared, and you have a right to be but this is not like last time. Fetal medicine has evolved and so has our standard of care. We have crash carts for emergencies, checklists, and nurses working around the clock. We will take of your wife and baby, okay?”

Spencer and Mia look slightly relaxed and look at each other for a moment before Mia nods and her husband turns to them, “Okay.”

“Okay.” Mia says with a shaky breath.

Carina wipes the gel off Mia’s belly, “Okay I will go and prep an O.R. for you, Amber here will monitor you and prep you when we’re ready to go. You got this Mia.”

Carina walks out of the room with Andrew while Amber stays behind to monitor Mia’s vitals, still being transfixed by the similarities between her and Maya. Carina connects the tablet to a keyboard and types in the latest updates to Mia’s chart with Andrew right next to her looking at her with a gaped mouth and raised eyebrow. Carina notices and looks up with a blank look.

“What?”

Andrew’s eyes widen at Carina’s obliviousness, “What? Were you in that room just a minute ago?” Carina looks at him still confused, “Do you really not see it right now?”

“See what? Did Lucy hit you on the head with a bottle this morning?”

Andrew chuckles, “I think the hormones are making you blind right now.”

Amber exits the room leaving the door open and goes to her husband and sister-in-law with a scared face, “Oh my god I am getting serious Vertigo vibes here, if she falls to her death in a bell tower, I will not be surprised.”

“Yes, thank you!” Andrew tells Amber.

Carina chuckles lightly, “What are you two talking about? Is this an American thing I don’t know about?”

“She doesn’t see it?”

Andrew scoffs, “I’m also questioning it trust me.”

“See what?” Carina asks frustrated that she is kept out of the loop.

Amber turns to Carina straight with the answer, “She looks exactly like your wife.”

Carina looks surprised, “Maya? You think she looks like Maya?”

“Yes!” They both say in a duh tone but Carina chuckles like it’s the most ridiculous thing.

“That is stupid they don’t look anything alike.”

“Carina they could be twins.”

Amber gasps, “Maybe they are, separated at birth it could have happened.”

Andrew nods seeing it plausible, “Maya’s dad is messed up enough to do that.”

“Well, you are both wrong. Mia is 10 years older than Maya and she was born in Fresno.” Carina looks at them both amused, “Just because she has blonde hair and blue eyes doesn’t mean her and Maya are alike. Amber is blonde with blue eyes, and she looks nothing like Maya.”

“You really don’t see it?” Amber asks incredulously, “How can you not see it? My blind aunt in Omaha can see it.”

Carina rolls her eyes already annoyed, “I have to go prep the O.R. and you should go back in there and monitor Mia, so she doesn’t have a traumatic birth experience again. Mia not Maya Amber. Keep me updated.” Carina walks away from her brother and sister-in-law who look baffled by Carina’s stubbornness.

Amber grabs a tablet before turning to her husband, “We are not crazy.”

“Nope and I am gonna prove it.” Andrew pulls out his phone, “I’ll send you a text so you can open the blinds.” Amber nods at the plan and quickly goes back inside the room while Andrew calls Maya so she can come and prove themselves right to Carina.

Next Part Here

[feuqueerfire]

Lovely Runner Live Blogging

I've been seeing the “i found you girl i like being around you” edits on tiktok but before then, i’d also heard about the show and saw an ep 1 clip of when she runs up to him at the swimming pool. i’m a time travel show enjoyer and this show has been getting such good reviews, so I’m excited. my last few shows have been quite dark and violent and i kinda wanna go for another such show but think a lighter (yet emotional) show might do me some good so that i don’t burn out

Ep 1 (June 25)

2009

omg…

ah, he encouraged her to live through this time when she was contemplating suicide and ig later on she will do the same bc he unfortunately takes his own life before the time travel i think

Dec 31, 2022

13 years, how old were they then and how old are they now?

oh i knew she was a fan but she’s a biiiig fan

ah, they were in high school at the same time and his high school was across hers

some fans hate Sunjae bc he’s too popular and getting opportunities

the band members also seem to not like him and it could be bc of his popularity but he also seems resistant to being an idol in general and wants to retire so that might have smth to do with it

wow she’s really having a tough day: rejected from job bc it has no elevator and she has a wheelchair, late to the concert, and then lost the ticket omg

this scene of Sunjae putting in his in-ear and going on stage is now iconic to me bc of the edits, kept expecting to hear “i found you girl i like being around you” as background music loll

she’s really determined to be positive and make the most of everything, i expect a breaking point soon though

oh, in hyuk doesn’t want him to retire

phone crack

wheelchair stops

yeah the tears finally. what a fucking day

hehe they meet in the current timeline

lolll her getting annoyed that her friend came just when she could’ve been getting a ride w Sunjae

what is that jar that she gave him?

was it Sunjae who saved her from the accident?

the watch was weird for a second. i guess that's gonna be The Object that takes her back/causes everything

ahh he took meds and jumped off into the swimming pool.

this reminds me a bit of True Beauty but like the friend who passed away

time of death: Jan 1, 2023. 12am

dead at 34, so was 21 in 2009? 19 or 20 interactional age?

The fact that she Just saw him alive and seemingly well a few hours ago must make it even more unbelievable

Traveled back

her legs work again

okay, I'd seen this Instagram edit of this scene as the very first thing I saw from this show but I didn't know when I first watched it just how awkward/embarassing this is T.T

aw, is he also going through something now? her talking about how he went through this alone made him soften

SHE SAID SARANGHAE SUNJAE-AH?! please

her still being like 'this is my dream' oh she's gonna be mortified when she realizes this is real in a time travel universe

lolol she's like I'm not dreaming? Fuck, am I dead?

pls i'm dying, Sunjae's so confused while she's acting as if they're both dead now (and mustn't cross the bridge)

so did Sunjae take the watch?

Ah, he probably had to quit being a swimmer and become an idol in the original timeline too because of his shoulder

June 2008

So are they seniors in high school right now?

ahh she gets to see her grandma from 14 years ago when she still recognized Sol before alzheimers or whatever T.T

Aw, Sol cries every time she looks at Sunjae

ah, the parallels of Sunjae holding the umbrella over Sol and asking why she's crying now and in the original timeline

I watched around the first 30-40 minutes of this episode on my iPad while I was on the train (and also like 10 minutes in a restaurant lol). I'm likely going to have to take the train a lot starting the second week of July so I had been thinking that maybe I'll save this one for that time and watch like some raunchy BLs and GLs now that I can't watch on the train but the first ep was quite good, I think I'll binge it now oof.

Ep 2 (July 6)

Since Episode 1, I've watched My Stand-In Eps 1 - 11, Blank Season 1, and reread Mistborn: The Final Empire.

"i can fool a 19-year-old, right?" lol Sol

who is this guy? i know there's a love triangle, is this the second lead?

the people who go back in time/become younger scolding the other kids who seem the same age as them is always funny

ah, so funny, he's the first guy Sol stanned

lmfao please why's he running after the bus

the little icons getting farther and farther away and the song about going farther away playing lmfao

omg, she can't tell him the future/what will happen if he does something? time stops?

woah, you really could just stop time and do a bunch of stuff while shouting future facts lmfao

pls, this future-telling grandma cosplay

Sunjae jealous of Taesung already

how does she keep finding herself in these situations, plssss

like Sunjae is literally so correct to be like what the fuck like actually but also T.T

that guy is indeed Sunjae's father and lmfao Sunjae was the one who borrowed the porn/erotic VHS that Sol's mother has been on the dad's case about

overly dramatic crosswalk scene but i guess it's fine since it's mirroring how she probably got into her accident originally and she has trauma from it

she's the one who gave Sunjae an umbrella first! Also i've def seen this scene from a tiktok or smth

pls so he didn't even mean to borrow the erotic video? smh

this is kinda like My School President when Tinn was trying to impress Gun but everything went wrong and he was being a loser lol

so these two episodes effected the future and there's a photo of Sunjae and Sol on the table but it didn't change the death

Ep 3 (July 6/7)

ah, so he didn't injure himself this time?

hilarious that he can't seem to confess while she's fangirling and cooing over him

the dad left his shoe like cinderella lmfao

eughhhh she's like fuck, you don't want me to be your fan anymore? let's be friends! while he's trying to confess

Sunjae's dad dramatic + full of expectations and pressure + getting ahead of himself

and Sunjae also not tell him about the injury

omg her brother and her friend are both home not noticing the fire in their sight?

does that much water even do anything to a fire? feels like you're not supposed to be doing that...

I wish they hadn't done this fire scene so humorously with the brother and friend, kinda took away from the weight of it. also i wonder if the fire or her mother burning her hand won't still happen bc stuff like the shoulder injury or the ball hitting Im Sol still happened even if in a different way than the original timeline

aw, glad his dad understood

lol she's drunk, how cute

is she gonna forget the confession and kiss? since she's yknow legit drunk. i wonder if ppl made a fuss about it because if it was a bl, this would def have been Discussed in the fandom

ah, ofc she doesn't rmr

bruh aghh it's like I can see where this is going with her listening to the recording + Taesung spotting her + Sunjae being far enough behind that he'll see them (+ he thinks he confessed last night and expects her to remember the kiss too)

i'm gonna kill somebody, she didn't even pause so the "I like you" is just playing with nobody to hear

omg travelling to original timeline

girl what?! how could you say you want to date Taesung or is that not really happening or like what's going onnnnn

Ep 4 (July 7)

Oh, Sunjae had not only saved her but was at the hospital too. He'd liked her throughout his high school time i guess but what about that final night, did he recognize her even then?

oh, he had. wild

ohhh she gave him a bunch of the candy that night that she had given him the very first time when she mistook him for a mailman

hmm okay so the Sunjae POV we got of that night was the original timeline before Sol's time travel thing, right? because the photo wasn't there? and the timeline that Sol's waking up in right now is slightly different based on what she had done?

ok the future had indeed changed

omg what the hell, why did that timeline's Sol reject Sunjae like that, like in this timeline, they were friends??? unless Sunjae was being a creep fr

i got spoiled about she can come back 3 times but how does she know only 1 time is left? also it's just been 10 days?! so why did Sol react like that, wtf

ah, so it's like she's kinda fighting with her 19-year-old self from the past who's in love with Taesung? and doesn't know Sunjae?!?! weird...

so the 19-year-old Sol thought she was possessed because her memory from when older-Sol came back was missing... interesting and complicating

lmfaoo exactly, I was saying she could stop time but shouting out future facts. hilarious to have her shouting celeb marriages

plsss how's she asleep on his floor

"i don't make friends with girls. how can a girl and a guy be friends?" alright lol.

why do we have Hyunjoo pooping her pants and that furthering her romance (?) with Sol's brother come onnn

ah, Taesung mommy issues and feelings of abandonment

yknow I do like Taesung and Im Sol's banter and back-and-forth

i'm cryinggggg, not young-Sol's birthday event for Taesung

it's suchhh a long song, i'm dying. and young Sol's fashion pls

hehe Sol telling Taesung how to treat young-Sol is cute actually

so many weird men... that taxi that went away? and now this guy...

is this Sol's accident but in this timeline?

ah, Sol realizing that Sunjae had saved her

okay, in that original timeline, i thought they just called a random number maybe and was confused and ig that's true but Sunjae specifically called Im Sol's number? or what? how'd he know it? and he knew that it was her he was talking to.

Ep 5 (July 7)

i wonder how the accident happened the first time and why Sunjae was there back then

this bra returning scene reminds me of True Beauty but I can't remember what Suho was trying to give Im Jukyeong, idk why I keep thinking pads??

okay i was gonna be tormented, so I skimmed and it's on ep 2 of True Beauty. She accidentally gave Suho a bag that said "thanks for keeping my bare face a secret" but he hadn't recognized her, so to get it back, she'd said that it has pads (i remembered this part at least)

cryingggg at her being like hmm he said he can't be friends with girls, so all those "just friends" rumours with girls were all real romances (as idol Sunjae). anyway i doubt it bc he seemed to forever be in love with her even over a decade later and that's just a trope I'm gonna have to get used to.

yesss i love a girl saving a guy from the common motorcycle/car trope and also girl kabadoning guy

Sol is cute trying to block all mentions of the swimming Olympics from Sunjae but plsss it's all becoming romantic moments and also iffy when you think about young-Sol having a boyfriend

oh, cop mentioning burying a body... i think I've heard that this show has a serial killer

in the original timeline, the taxi driver with the key indeed did something? but this time the other guy got there? and he's the serial killer or what

damn, taxi driver has Sol's flip phone

not Sol's brother and Sunjae meeting but Sunjae being punished for giving Sol alcohol

cryinggg Sunjae being curious and looking at Taesung's profile but he finds out

pls Sunjae getting mad at Sol's inability to bike reminds me of Tinn yelling at Gun about not knowing any math (My School President). when even the down bad secret crush bearing Sunjae and Tinn lose their minds teaching Sol and Gun lmfao

girl, why is Sunjae buying the same jacket as Taesung T.T but ig they're gonna have him fill in for the vocal... but he's not gonna fill in for Taesung

how humiliating to run into Taesung just as Sunjae bought and wore the bright red jacket because Taesung owns it too yikesss

and that's how the eclipse happened, though Taesung isn't in it for much longer i guess?

Taesung watching Sol watch Sunjae perform reminds me of Twinkling Watermelon

oh, intense yelling from Sol

double whammy of hearing the confession recording finally and Sunjae also telling her to break up with Taesung at the same time

Ep 6 (July 8)

ah, I’m Sol broke up with Taesung but I don’t know if that’s the end of it… but she also knows Sunjae’s confession…

sunjae is quite fun to watch like his despair at his “breakup with taesung” thing going wrong vs joy when taesung got broken up with

Sol’s brother does bother me, why is he so annoying

pls both Sunjae and Sol holding back to appear cool/not “shake the other’s heart” aghhh

Taesung’s “Oh, I think I liked you a lot” is funny

not Taesung getting into a car crash, damn it

so is Sep 1 the day her accident happens? I don’t remember the date. is it gonna happen again even though the bridge thing already happened? or is it a different thing?

Taesung’s dad (?) Kim cop is investigating the case of a he dead bod?

nooo now he has their address bc of grandma

oh, Sunjae confession

Taesung in hospital but his dad doesn’t visit and his friend doesn’t believe in him + he calls Sunjae to let him know that Sol’s mother is at the hospital, oh man

aw mannn Sol rejecting Sunjae because she knows she’s not in the right timeline and is gonna have to leave soon etc. does she realize she’s the one he liked in the original timeline too? he’s talking about liking the rain and on the original timeline radio show he also mentioned it

not having to take an umbrella to Sunjae on the day of Sol’s accident! and after she almost stayed home all day

omg she’s realizing right now that she was his first love back then too and she didn’t “confuse him”

tbf maybe this mans would’ve gotten her even if she didn’t leave right then. a fucking kidnapping

omg this taxi fucker really took her Again D:

Ep 7 (July 8)

oh on that original accident too Sol missed her stop on the bus and Sunjae was waiting with her in the bus, that’s how he was there on the time of her accident on save her

i’m watching this on the subway on my commute to/from work but there are two people talking in korean beside me and i feel awkward watching a kdrama beside them lol

okay they left a couple minutes later

oh at this bridge where her original accident happened is where she dropped that watch and the first time she time travelled, right?

omg who the hell grabbed her in this timeline? bc taxi driver was in the taxi still

good job to sunjae for connecting everything and figuring out the reservoir lmfao

ah, she went back to her time again and the young-Sol is back but also that's kind of oh no in a way, though Sunjae's clever i wonder if he'll be able to figure it out?

i knew from pics i saw that she can use her lefts in the future

Sunjae survived too

pls not her getting mistaken for a sasaeng, i don't even wanna watch anymore

what a different life

damn, young-Sol had another kidnapping a year later?

oh naurrr is Sunjae doing the "who are you? do we know each other?" thing because young-Sol did this to him after he helped her with the kidnapper?

oh he's not even here, it was a scenario in her head lol

lmfao crying, this Sunjae lovesss the attention and fame (though not the stalking)

the shenanigans of them justtt missing each other every time

i can't believe we're getting random enemies-to-lovers right now, especially with them texting each other antagonistically, this is soooo fun

i seriously need to go to sleep but ahh

owww

oh, the concert didn't happen

ah, and they met on the bridge again

35 minutes after my bedtime already, gonna take a while to fall asleep too, whelp

Ep 8 (July 9)

omg Sunjae got the time capsule egg before it got torn down and he even waited on Jan 1, 2023 fully expecting her to come - and she did, so why didn’t they meet?

and Sunjae got the watch from the time capsule

hmmm would he happen to travel back in time at all? bc she travelled back with his watch and maybe he can travel back with her watch?? esp if smth happens to her idk

lmfao pls not the hotel where they can be alone together

but also he’s an idol going with a random girl lmfao

i loveeeee Sol omg she’s so funny and endearing as she’s talking about how she didn’t mean they should have a passionate night and also mentions that they had crushes on each other in a throwaway line but she doesn’t wanna skip intros and get to the conclusion But she’s not judging sunjae for thinking that, they just have different values lmfao what a cutie but sunjae’s gonna act clueless like oh? what were you thinking as if he doesn’t know what this insinuates

i loveeee celeb/non-celeb romance esp when it actually shows the reporters and rumours and fans and such and how they can affect/limit the relationship

he has such a big house why not hide the cut out in some random storage room omg

pls and now Sunjae thinks she plans to stay the night and have sex lmfao

true Inhyuk would be like what the hell, Sunjae can’t fall for Im Sol again!!

Taesung?

Inhyuk talking about how Sunjae’s liked only Im Sol this whole time and kept going back to her old house whenever he was drunk while Sol can hearrrrr

ah, she confessed that she used to like him too

i kept being nervous that Taesung would somehow be in the house but Sunjae/Sol first kiss!

isn't it crazy fr, after 15 years you finally meet again and this time the girl you've loved forever confesses back and you kisssss and it's not a shitty one either

what the hell, the fuckass taxi driver is here too? that was indeed Taesung before right or did i mistake taxi driver for Taesung, I hope not

"Even if somebody sent me back to the past, I would never gamble with my future" whelp Hyunjoo, don't foreshadow too hard

the stalker makes me nervous both in terms of what if that person was the person who was knocking or whatever the night Sunjae died and also what if she finds out that Sunjae's dating Sol and does something to either of them?

okayyyy, so the taxi driver mans went and attacked Sunjae, was it the same thing in the previous iterations too?

I listened to the Afternoona Soju podcast episode and learned about 2 scenes: Sunjae and Taesung drink and do karaoke together and cuddle to sleep, and Sunjae's speech envelope + Sol's resignation letter get swapped so he ends up saying that out loud as a speech

Ep 9 (July 9)

so as hinted, a year after she came back to the current timeline, in the young timeline 2009, the taxi guy kidnapped Im Sol again and Sunjae saved her again and that's what caused that guy to get jailed until now

i loveee 2009 freshman Sol's hair, beautifully bangs and wavy hair

Hyunjoo's joyoush "hmm" and nod at 33:50 after Sol asks her if it was her idea is sooooo good omg i replayed several times

omg, the sudden "are you really from the future?" that had like no build-up, so I was surprised hehe

ahhh they kissed accidentally ofc they did, ig we'll see Sunjae and Sol married by the end?

Ep 10 (July 10)

ah, makes sense that Sunjae wouldn’t actually believe the time travel stuff oof

pls hiding under the table is so T.T

oh she’s telling Taesung about the time travel too

i like it when in a love triangle the guys try to impress the family like now with the flooding and in Ture Beauty with the dumplings but it’s annoying when they let it get the best of them and don’t care about what’s actually happening like why are you up arguing and making a mess instead of helping clean up wtf

i do like Sunjae Taesung antagonizing when it’s like verbal and witty not physical fights

oof Taesung telling Sunjae that he shouldn’t even be jealous of him bc Sol clearly likes Sunjae

Superstar K vs going to the states

ah, he digs up the time capsule and figures out that he dies (possibly because of trying to protect Sol) that time in the future

oh, the billboards changed and Eclipse is releasing their new album instead of Sunjae’s stabbing hmm i can’t tell bc im watching on my phone but is Sunjae in that photo?

Ep 11 (July 10)

ARE THEY GONNA GET BACK REFUNDS FOR THE PLANE AND THE REHABILITATION? and are they gonna get the luggage back?!

not this kissing gossip lmfao

yknpw technically this is a noona romance in this timeline 3x Sol x 20 Sunjae (krn age)

the “should we roll back another minute? if you give me another chance, i’ll do my best” thing is soooo cute like Sunjae fr was just going for the remote not the kiss like Sol thought

i’m crying from second hand embarrassment at the parents and brother finding them like this and am dreading the hundreds of condoms reveal T.T plssss and even Basic instincts got brought up again and Sunjae having to cover Im Sol’s ears i cannotttttt, how humiliating

the condoms flying out like this is really and truly killing me i can’t watch fuckkk if i was sunjae i would have to leave move away say good bye to Sol like life death and time could not make me stop loving you but this… in front your family? yeah i’d learn to live

lmfao the family meeting was very funny

he sings sonagi for her on a stage ahhh first of all he’d died but she gets to see him sing again + knows it’s about her this time

ah this fucking killer mans

Ep 12 (July 10)

ofc both Sol and Sunjae are gonna try to stop the murderer

lol will Sunjae get jealous of In Hyuk lmao

i can't watch this toilet water nothing pls at least use the water that's stored in the tank of the toilet not in the fucking bowlll

is the institution just that they made out? because i don't think they had sex?

lmfao maybe now the MIL and FIL will finally get along

omg, she's pretending to have gone back so that Sunjae doesn't stay with her at this place where the attacker's gonna come

oh also i'd figured out the 3 lives thing a while back btw i'd been like how does she know w/ certainty that she has 3 chances but the clock said 3, then 2, and now it's at 1

Ep 13 (July 11)

just go so frustrated that Youngsoo figured out that Sol was setting a trap bc that guy put his hand on her to check but Sol ended up shouting for Detective Kim eughhh such planning and yet

and Sunjae runs into him right then ofc

not Sunjae getting knifed! and falling off he cliff!!!

oh, Sol returned

girl where the hell is Sunjae like nice to see Sol’s life and Taesung but c’mon

i got spoiled about the letter switching and Sunjae giving actor award speech from Sol’s resignation letter so i don’t have like The Suspence for this

ohhh Sunjae’s watch also became a time machine

oh my godddd his time machine also takes Sol back in time for some reason and she literally cuts it off right at the beginning?!?! doesn’t give him the umbrella in the rain

curious about how they’ll explain the killer stuff in the past if Sunjae’s not there to save Sol?

Ep 14 (July 11)

so Sol and family just move away soon after like Sunjae still has his sling? yknow what let me not think too much

lolol articles coming out. i didn’t realize he was just gonna be mc-ing

ahhh Ryu Sun Jae is gonna be acting in Im Sol’s script?!

ouch the script hurts (though she’s plagiarizing so hard from alternate timeline Sunjae!!)

both of them busy trying to reject the script/actor but omg poor Sol. it sucks so bad to be the one who remembers, like when Sunjae used to remember while young Sol forgot and now thisssss after everything

another enemies to lovers arc

okay i was wondering how we’d go back to Sunjae knowing but ig he’ll get dreams and memories

oh, the murderer is gonna attack the sasaeng girl instead?

Sunjae is just Meant to be obsessed with Sol in every timeline ig

yaas the lottery tickets truly a must for a fucking time travel anything

ah the ferris wheel

Ep 15 (July 11)

the taxi driver can’t be obsessed w Sol in this timeline too right esp bc it’s been 15 years since his interest in the original tl

not Sol’s mom trying to set Sol up with sunjae now loll how the tables have turned

lmfao this time it’s Sunjae hiding from Sol when usually it was the other way around in the past timelines

oh, the killer is actually targeting Sunjae straight up this time maybe, not Sol first

Sunjae’s memory coming back in flashes

oh, he's got it all back

omg dramatic. killer guy almost got Sunjae again and then for a second I got nervous that Taesung was gonna crash like the other way so that killer T-bones his car

Ep 16 (July 11)

last ep!! 1h 19 mins instead of the usual 61-63 mins

killer dies just like that

ahh meeting again after remembering

"because he died, somebody else might get to live"

they kiss pretty nice

the parents do make me laugh, the dad being like hah i know Sunjae chose a good, beautiful girl to date while the mother's like hah i know she's no beauty

ah, marriage and wedding, cute

Overall:

A fun show with a fun concept and great acting + romance. It was funny and delightful most of the time, there was a kind of killer/suspense aspect but that wasn't really ever the Focus, Sunjae being killed was the focus; similarly, they didn't thoroughly explain the time travel because the mechanics wasn't the focus, Sol going back was the focus.

I liked Sunjae and Sol together and it was fun seeing how Sunjae was slightly different in the different timelines lol I liked seeing the couple on high school, college, as idol!Sunjae and actor!Sunjae. It did feel a bit like consistency was lost in their relationship but that was the point i guess. It was a very romantic concept, the way they were falling in love in every timeline.

Everything about it was good and I was engaged, I just don’t think I’d think about it much though. Kinda reminds me of When I Fly Towards You c-drama in that way; a cute youthful romance drama but I'm not hung up on it. At least it kept me company during my commute of the first week at my new internship.

Rating: 7/10

[mockerycrow]

Any advice on how to write fanfics? What has helped you in your experience? I'm thinking of writing on e I finish the COD: MW games and also do some Darkest Dungeon afterwards because my desire to write angst is making my ears emit 1930's cartoon smoke out of my ears

Okay, so,,, I don’t know how helpful I’ll be with this, but I’ll try, anon!!

TIP #1: Read. This sounds so simple, but I promise you that reading books and other pieces of fanfiction has helped me a lot with my own writing. I do advise reading actual physical original books too, because don’t get me wrong! Reading other authors’ fanfic pieces will help, but I’ve personally have gotten a lot of my experience through authors and books such as the exorcist. I highly recommend reading classic poems if you have a tough time with describing feelings and using metaphors! [I personally have copies of many works of Charles Baudelaire. I also have a copy of The Bell Jar.]

TIP #2: Use synonyms. Synonyms of different words keep you from directly repeating yourself over and over, so instead of saying “___ Said.” over and over, you could say; “___ replied curtly.” “___’s tone was somber as they began,” It also completely depends on the tone of the characters mood. Are they angry? Are they frightened? Are they happy? You gotta ask yourself these questions. You don’t even have to specify who’s speaking if you describe their action before the dialogue. For Example: Soap stared at you blankly as he watched you overfill your cup of coffee, letting out a chuckle. “Tired this mornin’, aye?”

TIP #3: Use music. I have entire playlists dedicated to characters that I listen to as I write for them. It doesn’t have to be complete accurate songs either, it can be songs that also remind you of them. I use songs to write more in character, as well as set the mood for the fic. Is this fic sad? I find sad music that I can relate back to said character. Is this character a particular angsty one? Find songs that relate to their trauma, or at least how they would respond to a conflict situation.

TIP #4: Do not force yourself to write if you feel burnt out. This is a big one! I may have a lot of WIPs, but I don’t allow myself to complete ones I don’t feel too confident about in that moment. I take a step back, maybe complete other works first—and it may be weird to others who read your stuff, maybe you answer a day old ask immediately but answer a 2 week old ask 3 days later? Go at your pace. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR decision to write.

I may have more tips, so I might add them later! (june 17th, 2023)

[april-is]

April 29, 2023: June, Alex Dimitrov

June Alex Dimitrov

There will never be more of summer than there is now. Walking alone through Union Square I am carrying flowers and the first rosé to a party where I’m expected. It’s Sunday and the trains run on time but today death feels so far, it’s impossible to go underground. I would like to say something to everyone I see (an entire city) but I’m unsure what it is yet. Each time I leave my apartment there’s at least one person crying, reading, or shouting after a stranger anywhere along my commute. It’s possible to be happy alone, I say out loud and to no one so it’s obvious, and now here in the middle of this poem. Rarely have I felt more charmed than on Ninth Street, watching a woman stop in the middle of the sidewalk to pull up her hair like it’s an emergency—and it is. People do know they’re alive. They hardly know what to do with themselves. I almost want to invite her with me but I’ve passed and yes it’d be crazy like trying to be a poet, trying to be anyone here. How do you continue to love New York, my friend who left for California asks me. It’s awful in the summer and winter, and spring and fall last maybe two weeks. This is true. It’s all true, of course, like my preference for difficult men which I had until recently because at last, for one summer the only difficulty I’m willing to imagine is walking through this first humid day with my hands full, not at all peaceful but entirely possible and real.

--

(June is my birthday month and also the best month. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.)

More like this:   » Steps, Frank O'Hara   » After Work, Richard Jones   » Dolores Park, Keetje Kuipers   » Awaking in New York, Maya Angelou   » A Step Away From Them, Frank O'Hara

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2022: Poem to My Child, If Ever You Shall Be, Ross Gay 2021: Choi Jeong Min, Franny Choi 2020: Earl, Louis Jenkins 2019: Kul, Fatimah Asghar 2018: My Life Was the Size of My Life, Jane Hirshfield 2017: I Would Ask You To Reconsider The Idea That Things Are As Bad As They’ve Ever Been, Hanif Abdurraqib 2016: Tired, Langston Hughes 2015: Democracy, Langston Hughes 2014: Postscript, Seamus Heaney 2013: The Ghost of Frank O’Hara, John Yohe 2012: All Objects Reveal Something About the Body, Catie Rosemurgy 2011: Prayer, Marie Howe 2010: The Talker, Chelsea Rathburn 2009: There Are Many Theories About What Happened, John Gallagher 2008: bon bon il est un pays, Samuel Beckett 2007: Root root root for the home team, Bob Hicok 2006: Fever 103°, Sylvia Plath 2005: King Lear Considers What He’s Wrought, Melissa Kirsch

[deluxewhump]

Erik's Journals Pt 10 (2023)

19. The Heart That Fed

CW: nsfw

June 2023

Max Svenson reached out to me last week.

It was in an email, of all things. Probably his way of being discreet, not knowing who might see a familiar number pop up on my cell phone screen.

Erik, he wrote.

I know he’s with you. I’m not as oblivious as I let him think. I spoke to him yesterday and he’s still lying, (mostly by omission) albeit poorly.

He is an adult and a citizen. I know this, so no need to remind me. I have no stake in this other than to know he is safe.

Is he?

He used a personal email, not a work account. No sign off, but from the address it was clear— first name last name.

I wondered briefly if there was a way I could manipulate this development in a way that would suit me. Max did not like corresponding with me. He had always avoided it until I had made it unavoidable. But being in New Mexico, worried about Carlo and unable to physically see him, he had crossed his least favorite line in the sand. 

I had gone behind Carlo's back in sending my old journals regarding him to Max. And now Max had done the same to him in reaching out to me to confirm the lies he suspected Carlo of.

How did Max know for sure? I assumed he didn’t, that he was making a fairly confident guess and knew I was unlikely to refute it if it were true.

I remembered Max’s eyes as he watched me strike Carlo’s hands with that belt, his fury for me watering down to helpless pity and regret. I wondered if he ever told his father about his pet, about how he had first belonged to me. Svenson Senior certainly knew my name, we’d met once or twice.

Probably not. I doubted the uncomfortable subject of a boy-pet was ever broached on their obligatory father-son phone conversations. 

I could have asked Carlo if he wished me to lie to Max Svenson for him. It might cement his rekindled trust in me. It might also make me an accomplice to his guilt in a way I did not need or particularly wish to be. I didn’t need to ingratiate myself with Carlo. He was already mine again. 

It’s funny to me; here is this young man who has grown up right here in the Valley, oblivious of me and I of him, for all the years Carlo was mine. Had probably been in college when I brought Carlo back here from California. Strangers, all of us. And now he was asking after Carlo’s welfare like it was his right to know.

He’s home here, Max, I wanted to write. He's perfectly well. Why don’t you ask him? I hit reply and answered him with even more brevity than he’d shown me. 

Max,

What earthly good is my word to you? But since you asked. 

Yes, Carlo is quite safe. Of course he is.

E.H.

I considered telling Carlo that Max had reached out. What would be his reaction? Anxiety, probably. Guilt. He might look to me for absolution but he would also want it from Max, and know he had done something that didn’t quite deserve it.

White afternoon sunlight lay in stripes across my desk through the blinds, throwing the dust motes on my laptop screen into sharp relief. Down the hall, a clock chimed four and I thought of what transpired the night before.

I never initiated anything carnal with Carlo. What was between us in Virginia was his doing as well. It was important the balance did not tip so far. Too much weight of power was on my side already, obviously— if I added that, it would be irreconcilable, even with him being free. 

He initiated once more, the night before Max’s inquiry, when I came to his room to say goodnight and bring him a cup of peppermint tea, which I used to do sometimes when he was studying. He grabbed my hand as I went to leave, his eyes betraying what it was he wanted.

Still, I made him ask for it out loud before I’d give it, him blushing scarlet, the fire inside coaxed to the surface. He wanted some form of penetration— anything, so long as I was the author of it. He wanted the act of it; to submit— as one must to enjoy such an activity— and the affirming feeling of being conquered, deriving pleasure from being a thing that is desired.  

Such weakness, on my part. Such base, vulgar curiosity. I’m not proud of it, but I am a man and I do have a pulse, and he was so willing— bewildered at his own bravery and determination. Depravity, perversion of affection, his molten desire to lie down for the master, the father. I felt all of it acutely. 

He pulled down the covers and lay his coltish long legs on either side of me. I indulged him. I said remorseless, incestuous things. When he began to gasp and whimper I did not slow my hand or stop crooning to him. 

20. Lowercase gods

June 2023

On Sunday morning I stepped into the sunken living room on the east wing of the first floor to find Carlo awake and ignoring homework in favor of scrolling his phone. He had the TV on, annoying to me at this early hour. Mounted over my stone fireplace, it was an ugly black eye as useless as a taxidermized deer head. At least he had the decency to have it on mute. I noticed he seemed to like the company of the TV more than he used to, even if he wasn’t watching it. Something he picked up with Max.

Vote yes on three! a political ad urged us, a proposal that would effectively render out-of-state pet trading illegal in Maryland.

“Are you voting?” I asked from several feet behind the couch. 

Reluctantly, he lifted his eyes from his phone to the TV screen. “I guess I have to,” he muttered, seeming a little offended I’d draw his attention to an ad like that. “To cancel out yours.”

A barbed annoyance pricked the back of my neck. I thought of leaving it alone and going for another cup of coffee, but I found myself asking. “Hold on. What makes you think I’d vote against it?”

Carlo let his head fall back over the edge of the sofa. His dark curls, finding their usual relationship to gravity reversed, loosened towards the floor. He looked at me upside-down. “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe because you bought and kept me for almost nine years as a pet?”

I resisted the urge to touch his petulant little throat while he was like that, so vulnerably bared, collar bones like the poles of a teepee. I’d rest my hand on it, not squeezing, just enough to feel the mechanics of his trachea under my palm, such delicate, vital machinery.

“I took advantage of the current laws and regulations,” I said—measured and nodding. “Personal advantage. Sure. That doesn’t mean I’d vote to keep the status quo. This would be a good bottleneck on the trade. Like a fire, it only needs to be slowly deprived of oxygen. Why do you take me for such a Philistine? After all these years, have I not persuaded you otherwise?”

He blinked at me upside down like some weird Cheshire cat, his mouth opening to speak and then closing instead.

“I can tell you have something to say.”

“If… I was still your pet. Would you vote against it then?

“If I still had a personal stake in maintaining the status quo…” I mused, watching the talking heads on the TV mime mutely from teleprompters. “Maryland’s a blue state. It will go in favor of this legislation sooner or later. But they’ll put a grandfather clause in for existing pets, believe you me. No one’s giving up their already ill-begotten favorite pets, especially not in Baltimore.”

“I didn’t ask what you think will happen,” Carlo challenged me. Blood must have been pooling behind his eyes because he flipped over, put his chin on the spine of my couch like a raccoon peering over a fence. “I wanted to know what you’d do.”

“I think past actions speak louder than irrelevant hypotheticals.”

“…Like you giving me my papers?”

I tilted my head briefly. Precisely.

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes chalkboard blank, and then he rolled them, a sneer tugging at the corner of his mouth. “God. How do you do that?”

“What, angel.” I said flatly.

“That. You just sold me on 'actions speak louder than words', when your actions were to buy a pet and have a pet for a decade and then sell that pet the minute it became an inconvenience to you. And you flipped it right around and made me feel bad for what should’ve been a really logical assumption.”

“It wasn’t my intention to muddle you. It was only to ask you what you meant by your comment.”

“You’re good at that,” he said darkly. He hesitated on something, I could tell by the way his tongue was on the back of his front teeth and he glanced to a sunbeam on the rug at my feet. “Do you know what defamiliarization is?” he asked. 

“Not in any particular sense.”

“In literary theory,” he said, tucking his hands under his chin on the ridge of the couch, his hair still mussed from hanging upside down. “It’s when something ordinary and commonly understood is written about in a unique way. It’s a…” he searched for his next words. “…an alien perspective in the writing that reframes a concept you take for granted. It jars you. Makes you question something you never would’ve questioned before. Everyone always uses Tolstoy as an example. But you do that when you talk. Well, when you talk to me at least.”

“Is defamiliarization also a theme in psychology?” I asked.

“I mean… psychology informs the literary meaning of it.”

My earlier annoyance with his incorrect assumption of me had faded. I had realized while he was speaking I’d gotten exactly what I’d asked for in him, the sort of company I’d cultivated by letting him have his head, and later letting him free of me. I didn’t want to chastise him now and discourage the behavior I liked to see. For all the capitulation he has shown me, I can give him mine as well from time to time.

“I don’t mean to twist words, Carlo. Or to give you uneven footing. Defamiliarize you. I strive for us to understand one another.”

He turned the corner of his mouth again, this time in a half-apologetic downward smile of acceptance. “It’s just something I thought of just now. It’s dumb.”

“It’s not,” I said, approaching him and enjoying the way he lifted his eyes to me without doubt or fear. I sifted my hand into his hair and squeezed measuredly so his chin lifted off his knuckles, neck arching gently back.

“Your perceptions are your own, Carlo. None of my tiresome prescriptivism can undermine that.”

“Do you really think the law will go through?”

From his tone, I didn’t know if his curiosity was a general one or if this still felt particularly personal to him. I don’t see how it couldn’t. 

“The trade has gotten too much attention lately to stay unchanged. It will head one way or the other in the next five years,” I predicted. “But I’ve been wrong about too many things at this point in my life to be confident which.” He did a strange thing then. He twisted in my loose grip to kiss my wrist. His eyes closed with what could almost be mistaken for reverence, and then opened to look at me, as slowly as music boxes begin their notes. 

Next

[read-and-write-]

Writing Roundup 2023

here they come at the very last minute doing the tag games

Thank you to @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @songliili @rockyroadkylers @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @bidoofenergy @inexplicablymine for tagging me! Even if I've been putting this off for weeks!

January

Nope

February

Not yet

March

the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you (M - 1.9k - The Shadowhunter's Chronicles) “You’re lying.” Ty furrowed his brows, Kit thought for a moment he had been discovered but it was impossible, as clever as Ty was he wasn’t a mind reader. “’m not lying.” “You are” “How could you know that?” “I don’t know, I just feel it” Ty shrugged, and for a second Kit just wanted to say it, to spill it out, but how could you tell the person you considered your best friend I just keep thinking how good it would feel to kiss you. or Even when the world might end the only thing Kit is able to think about is a boy.

April

I was reading actual books here

May

Nada

June

you are an idiot (i missed you)  (T- 1.6k- All for the Game) “The best, and arguably the only, good part of playing on opposing teams from your husband was getting to play a match against him. Therefore one could say that Neil was very excited about getting to play against Andrew tonight. Not only because for the first time since the season started they'd finally be in the same State and City (And later after the game, the same house) but also because Neil thought Andrew was 100% hotter when he was playing (Not that he would tell him out loud), and seeing him live was definitely better than seeing him on a screen. There was also the added bonus of the infamous Minyard - Josten Rivalry.” Or Neil and Andrew are having too much fun with their rivalry until someone else takes it too seriously, and then they have a talk.

i don't want you to be a secret (but i want them to shut up) (T- 2.6k- All for the Game) "The kiss tastes like victory, like happiness, like love. And suddenly it doesn’t matter what the press will write about them, or what the audience or the other players are thinking, because it’s their moment. It’s public, it’s loud, it’s bound to cause a scandal, but it’s theirs" or Neil is getting tired of the press writing about him and Andrew, and Andrew comes up with a way to help.

July

self-preservation (G- 2.4 - All for the Game) “You have to know something” “Something like what?” Kevin answered, his tone was hostile, but none of the other two seemed to notice. “Like, if they are…?” Jones started, letting the question hang, Kevin cocked an eyebrow, as if daring Jones to finish the sentence, he didn’t. “Not that we would have a problem with that, we are huge allies, right?” The other rushed to say, nudging the man by his side, who nodded eagerly as he added, “Yeah, yeah, huge allies” or Professional Exy players have a lot to say about Neil and Andrew, but they also don't have a death wish and no one dares to ask (Until they don't have to ask anymore)

It's terrifying to have you in front of me (and making you smile) (T- 1.3k- All for the Game) Loving Neil used to terrify Andrew, he waited for Neil to disappear, to be taken away from him, to do something that will make Andrew leave him. But he never did; Neil stayed, and he took what Andrew could give him without complaints, he waited patiently and spoke softly even if he hadn’t been built for it, he never took without permission and never ran. He made a thousand promises and he made sure he never broke a single one. A yes at a time Andrew let himself love Neil, the key, the car, the home, the shared bunk bed. The roof, the promises, the plans. The rings. The words. or A glimpse at Neil and Andrew's relationship through the years and the things that make it theirs

August

las formas de llamarte amor (M- 2.5k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Henry has been a public figure for most of his life, the reason why he’s been given dozens of titles, some kinder than others, he’s been the gay prince, the spare, the prince of England's hearts, the activist, the author. All of the titles are inevitably a part of his history, but the way Alex calls him is the most important of all. Because to Alex, he is sweetheart, amor, and corazón; Alex calls him mi vida in between kisses and whispers hermoso, lindo, precioso with his wandering hands working through Henry’s body. His name sounds better when it comes out of Alex’s lips. or 5 times Alex calls Henry a pet name in Spanish and one time he calls him by his name or Henry learns Spanish one pet name at a time

and every song reminds me of you (G- 4k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Alex can’t help but smile — Henry is not a great dancer, but the mere sight of Henry dancing merengue because of him is more than enough. His heart swells in his chest, despite the awkwardness of Henry’s movements; there’s something that’s more special about him getting to do this with him. “You know, there was actually this trend a few years ago,” Alex starts as he guides Henry’s hands to his shoulders and then positions his own on Henry’s hips. Henry hums but doesn’t look at Alex, too focused on trying to keep his feet moving the way Alex had taught him. Alex finds it adorable. “People said that you had to dance this song with the love of your life.” or Music is a part of Alex's life, just as much as Henry is, so it is inevitable that sometimes the songs remind Alex of him. (And then remind Henry of Alex)

a love to hold in words (ongoing -Red, White and Royal Blue) A Drabble Collection from The Brownstones 100-word drabble prompts

September

when she was here the path was clear (and she was just here) (T- 3.8k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Alex feels the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, it’s as if his breath got knocked out of his chest, the pressure of grief weighing him down. He feels Henry standing closer behind him, his husband's hand hovering above his back, asking for permission to touch him. Alex moves back a little and leans his body against Henry's, closing his eyes and focusing on the rhythm of his husband’s heartbeat and matching his own breaths with his. "What do you need, love?" Henry whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of Alex's head. Alex lets out a shuddery breath. “She’s not here, Hen, she’s not here anymore.” or when Alex's abuelita dies he finds a house full of memories and stories to remember and to tell.

yo te llevo dentro, hasta la raíz (G- 546- Red, White and Royal Blue) Seeing you grow up has been one of the greatest privileges of our lives, being able to be with you in every step of the way. And we hope, I hope, if you let me, to be with you for the rest of it. Te amo. Te amamos. De aquí a las estrellas que siempre tuvieron planeado poderte conocer. Tu papi, Alex. or A letter from Alex to his daughter on her quinces

October

Y hace falta que te diga que me muero (por tener algo contigo) (G- 1.6k- Red, White and Royal Blue) “Nora, I have a very important question.” Alex says, it’s been a few hours since he got asked about him and Henry, he’s wrapping up his school day and he has not been able to pay attention to any classes because he’s been thinking about Henry. Henry and him. Henry and him dating. Dating? “No, we are not dating again. Go get someone else,” Alex realizes too late he’s been thinking out loud, his cheeks feel warm. It’s rare that he gets flustered by something like this, he’s always flirty, it’s almost second nature, and this is Nora who has definitely heard worse coming from him, but that’s the effect Henry has on him. “It’s not that!” Alex exclaims and Nora laughs, Alex takes a moment to gather his thoughts into a question. “Am I dating Henry?” Nora glares at him, her eyebrow raised. “How am I supposed to know that, Alejandro?” or the one where Alex is oblivious but no less determined to tell Henry how he feels

un hilo de pensamientos (de cosas que no se deben olvidar) (T- 2.1k- Red, White and Royal Blue) La campaña, Henry, salir del closet, los emails. Lentamente el divorcio de sus padres pasa a segundo, hasta tercer lugar. Tiene problemas más grandes, una relación, una plaza en NYU. Con cada año que pasa Alex deja de recordar las peleas, recuerda los gritos como una imagen vaga de un tiempo alejado de la persona que es ahora. Pero su cuerpo nunca las olvida; siente su sangre helarse cuando a su alrededor alguien levanta la voz, un escalofrío le recorre la espalda cuando se sienta a la mesa a comer con su familia, se le hace un nudo en el estómago cuando Henry se tarda en contestarle. O en el que Alex debe enfrentarse a las consecuencias que el divorcio de sus padres tuvo en él.

a train of thought (of things not to forget) (T- 2k- Red, White and Royal Blue) The campaign, Henry, coming out, the emails – slowly, his parents' divorce slips to second, even third place. He has bigger problems, a relationship, a place at NYU. With each passing year, Alex forgets the fights, he remembers the screams as a vague image from a time far removed from the person he is now. But his body never forgets them: he feels his blood run cold when someone raises their voice around him, a shiver runs down his spine when he sits at the table to eat with his family, and a knot forms in his stomach when Henry takes too long to reply. or Alex needs to face the consequences of his parents divorce

November

to belong to a family (even beyond this world) (G- 2.5k- Red, White and Royal Blue) “Talk to him. They listen, they always listen,” Ligia says and Henry nods, she squeezes his hand again before turning back and leaving him alone in front of the ofrenda. It's very rare that Henry has been at a loss for words when he tries to talk to his father. He has spent countless nights speaking to the stars, looking for Orion and hoping that —wherever his father is— he is looking for it too. “Hi dad,” Henry says softly, taking another look at the picture of his father, smiling at the camera. “I missed you.” or When Alex and Henry go to Mexico for Día de Muertos a familiar face appears on the Díaz ofrenda

December

Super Six and the Siren's Call (T - 111k - Red, White and Royal Blue) with @happiness-of-the-pursuit and @inexplicablymine “Alex didn’t ask to be a half-blood, and he definitely didn’t ask to die before he hit sixteen on a Tuesday morning. But apparently beggars can’t be choosers. Not that Alex had ever begged for anything in his life… Except maybe for a dog, but he maintains that was a reasonable request to ask of his parents. Well, parent.” Or Camp Half-Blood and the Super Six have never seen a villain quite like this.

This year was a crazy year, and even with everything that happened in my life I never thought I would find myself here, writing fic again, obssesing over one fandom, meeting so many people and getting so many pocket friends that I'm forever grateful for, I wish I can see more of y'all in 2024 and I hope to stay here to write my silly little words for a while<3

Take this as an open tag if you want it, but I think most people have already been tagged or already done it, i did leave this for the last... 50 minutes of 2023

[chayscribbles]

chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ april and may 2023

i didn't do one last month so we get a double feature today!

☆ STATISTICS.

words written: 6 214 in april; 9 425 in may

projects worked on: once again only wrote for Andromeda Rogue but did a lot of plotting and planning for The Gemini Heist

proudest accomplishment: i've resisted chucking everything i've ever written into a shredder

books read in both april and may: A Rival Most Vial be @ashen-crest; Planetfall by Emma Newman, and Rogue Protocol (Murderbot Diaries #3) by Martha Wells

☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.

i went super hard in the beginning of april, burned out majorly for several weeks, then went hard again in the last 2 or so weeks. april ended in the middle of my burnout so that's why i didn't have an update last month. it just didn't seem worth it.

i'm also trying to make a soft return to writeblr! it's not working.

more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.

☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2)

this might be a stretch but the 2 year (2 year?????!?!?!!) anniversary of me finishing the first draft of AR1 is coming up on June 13th... so wouldn't it be grand if i finished the second draft by then? a guy can dream.

right now this draft is sitting at nearly 73K, which means i've almost reached the wc of draft one. and i still have a few more chapters to go!

unfortunately i've also left all the Hard Parts up until now becuase i love to make myself suffer!!!! pray for me y'all.

☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (planning, i guess?)

well the good news is that i actually have the skeleton of an outline! i have 7 acts and a vague idea of what happens in each of them!

the bad news is i can't seem to get myself to actually write any of it! all i've been doing is anything EXCEPT writing. backstory developing, worldbuilding, creating menial lore... but not a single word added to my draft. when will my suffering end.

i did post a fun drawing + worldbuilding thing tho, if you missed it!

☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.

i'm pretty sure i posted this excerpt from AR already a loooong time ago... but it's gotten a small upgrade ever since. you see, back when i first wrote it, i didn't know how long the gang's trip would take. but then i developed a standardized formula to calculate travel time and just happened to end up with the funniest possible result... which lead to this.

Valyan, meanwhile, plopped themself into the co-pilot’s chair. 

“How long have you been able to do that?” they asked, eyes sparkling. “Why don’t your powers look like the Hepplings' from the Order of the Vine? Is it just the healing thing you can do, or can you do other things? Like use the plants as a lasso, or—”

“Look, kid,” Finneas interrupted, “here’s the deal. If you leave me alone for a few hours, I’ll answer every question you have about my… powers. Okay?”

Valyan narrowed their eyes. “How many hours is ‘a few’?”

“Um… seventy?”

“Nice try. That’s about how long it’ll take us to get back to Sayntagnesia. And it’s actually sixty-nine hours.” They grinned. “Nice.”

Of course that would be the one fact they’d remember. “You got me. How about six?”

“Deal.”

☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.

general taglist:

@nicola-write @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation@chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

andromeda trilogy taglist:

@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @chaylattes @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa @outpost51

gemini heist taglist:

@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51

[w2writesstuff]

What W2 Wrote in 2023

Considering that I'm prrrrrobably not going to manage to put out anything else this year, yeah, let's do a roundup now while I've got a moment. (Note: Only includes fun stuff; no professional shit here.)

January

I can't even remember January. Nothing happens in Januaries.

February

to the beat of your heart, ch. 3 (MDZS) The ongoing adventures of a self-indulgent happy-ending everybody-lives-and-also-bones WangXian canon-divergent AU; a joint project between my wife and me.

It’s Hard to Say “I Do” When You Don’t (@shousetsubangbang) Original story about a guy whose long-time crush asks him to pretend to be his boyfriend at a family wedding. Fake dating ensues.

March

Kintsukuroi (DMBJ) This heihua piece may be the best thing I've written all year? Look, I'm just very proud of how I made it exactly what I wanted it to be.

April

Head (@shousetsubangbang) This was a last-minute fill because the story I wanted to write failed to make itself writeable. Oh well! Still a funny and cute blowjob.

May

to the beat of your heart, ch. 4 (MDZS)

I want to be where all the stupid shit I say sounds so romantic and true (Guardian, WeiLan) Someday I will write a longer and more complicated series of Guardian sex pollen shenanigans, but until then, enjoy this one.

The Rightful Ruler (The Blood of Youth, Lei Wujie/Xiao Se) Still the only English-language story on AO3 for this pairing! Includes maybe the funniest line I wrote all year? You make the call!

The Doctor is In (Psych-Hunter) I know nobody watched Psych-Hunter, and with good reason, but I did, and I think Jiang Shuo should get to spy on the sexy gay doctor if he wants to.

June

A Single Explosion (DMBJ, Pangxi + Xiao Ge) For PingPang Week, with @pangzi in mind. Here's the missing part of Ultimate Note, where Pangzi takes care of Xiao Ge in the hospital.

Dog (The Disguiser, Ah Cheng/Ming Lou) This was actually written before I saw the post going around about how the sexiest thing one guy can be is another's dog. But it's true!

And I am green, and you are wood (DMBJ/Mystic Nine) Another exchange fic, where Liang Wan gets a chance to meet all of Zhang Rishan's old (boy)friends, especially Ba Ye.

Reverse Cowgirl (Not Gay as in Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, Queer as in Dude Ranch) (@shousetsubangbang) Is this the hottest thing I've ever written for SSBB? Might just be. Lesbian ranch hands recruit a city girl.

July

Stay (Beyond Evil, Oh Jihwa/Yu Jaeyi) Because you know what that show needed? Small town lesbians.

Little Spear (The Blood of Youth, Sikong Qianluo/Xiao Se) This show has some cute het, but how it would work in bed is another matter entirely; or, two gay people try to have straight sex.

动须相应 (live-action Hikaru no Go, Yu Liang/Shi Guang) It's hard to get much gayer than the actual show without adding explicit sex, so ... here you go! Post-series boyfriends.

One Quiet Night (Kingdom, Seobi + Lee Chang/Yeongshin) This is the other thing I'm really proud of, because it too came out pretty much exactly the way I envisioned it. A nurse, a prince, and a scrappy piece of shit more or less all fall in love.

August

Hooks in My Sides (Beyond Evil, JWDS) This certainly was the most popular thing I've written all year. It's unfortunately easy to write poor Juwon having a gay meltdown.

A World Made Up of Silver and Copper (@shousetsubangbang) A prince-and-pauper scenario, this time focusing on the prince's adventures in being mistaken for himself. (Hint: they are sexy.)

September

...Funny how the first months of each semester are usually a complete wash for me creatively, huh?

October

to the beat of your heart, ch. 5 (MDZS)

Over My Dead Body (@shousetsubangbang) Nothing like the romance of possessing a corpse only to find he's not actually dead. (Note to DMBJ fans: This should taste like heihua.)

November

A fair amount of November was spent writing something that I just couldn't finish for December's SSBB, once I realized how long it'd have to be and how little free time I had. Maybe next year!

December

Antivenin (@shousetsubangbang) A mean bisexual and an even meaner lesbian team up to distract their gay boss from his terrible crush.

-

And that's it! It always feels kind of weird to see it all gathered in one place, like ... wow, that's not nearly as much as I thought it was. But at the same time, it involves a couple of pieces I feel very good about, so overall I'm going to take the win.

The most fun I had was doing my Small Fandom Summer thing, where I wrote fic for fandoms that had <1000 English-language works on AO3. Maybe I'll do that again next year!

Anyway, if you do wind up reading something, especially the original stuff, thanks. A lot of this can be a very lonely process, especially when there's not much of a built-in audience. Saying you liked something makes me feel a little less like I'm screaming into the void.

Onward to 2024!

[purplefangirl42]

Growing Worries

This piece is my first contribution for the 2023 Jedi June Event (@jedijune). I chose to go with the prompt of "Guidance" for the first week.

Tags: Jedi Appreciation, Sibling Love, Master & Padawan Bonding, Giving Advice, It Takes a Village, Slight Angst, Childhood Worries

“Alright, that’s enough for today. You are all free to go.”

Anaj opened her eyes as the Master instructing her meditation class called for the end of their session. She unfolded her legs and moved to stand, nearly losing her balance as the blood rushed back into her extremities. These meditation classes sometimes went on for hours and it had a tendency to make her lose sensation in her feet. Stretching her arms above her head, she sighed in relief as the feeling started to return.

I really need to work on stretching more. Maybe that will help.

She followed her fellow classmates out of the room into the hall, waving goodbye as she headed in the direction of the crèche. She had promised to spend some time with her brother, Seoj, when her class had finished so she made her way towards the quarters he shared with his other clan members.

When she reached the door, Anaj raised her hand to knock, but hesitated at the sound of sniffling coming from within. It sounded like someone was crying. Anaj could sense only one other person nearby, and would recognize the Force signature of her younger brother anywhere. Raising her hand once more, she lightly rapped her knuckles on the door.

“Seoj?” she called softly. “Is everything alright?”

The sound of soft footsteps approached the door before it slid open a tiny amount to reveal her brother. Being three years her junior, he was still shorter than her, so Anaj had to look down to see his face in the shadows of the room beyond the door. His small green face was damp from the tears that spilled from his large black eyes, dark lines appearing in their wake as they traveled downward.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

The ten year old boy wiped at his face with his hand, attempting to hide the evidence of his distress. Anaj felt her heart clench at the fact that he felt he had to hide his emotions from her. She reached out her purple hand in his direction, offering it to him to hold. After a moment’s hesitation, he took it and held it tightly in his own. 

Ever since he had come to the temple and she had discovered that he was her brother, the two of them had always found comfort in each other’s presence, even if it was simply silent companionship. Just being there was enough to soothe the pain. Anaj could sense that her presence alone was not going to be enough this time, however. 

“Seoj, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Seoj wiped his face again with his free hand before pressing the button to open his door further to allow her entrance. He pulled on her hand and Anaj entered the room before the door slid shut behind her. Pulling her over to his cot, Seoj sat down and Anaj followed him, never letting go of his hand. Another minute passed before he began to speak.

“Am I too small?” he asked, speaking so softly that Anaj almost didn’t hear him.

“Too small for what?” 

Seoj shrugged and sniffled again.

“For everything…”

Anaj didn’t understand his question. Sure, he was shorter than some of the other younglings. But growth spurts hit different people of different species at varying times. She hadn’t grown a significant amount until she was eleven, when she rapidly grew several inches in a short period of time.

“You still have lots of time to grow, little brother,” she said, attempting to reassure him.

Seoj scoffed in response to her statement.

“Little. That’s what they all call me. Little, tiny, pathetic, weak…”

Anaj felt a surge of protective anger swell inside her at his words.

“Who is saying these things to you?”

Seoj shrugged again.

“People. I hear them whispering about me sometimes. I even heard one of the crèche masters say something about how they were concerned that I was small for my age.”

Anaj pursed her lips in annoyance. This wouldn’t do. Her brother should be having fun and learning new skills with the other younglings, not worrying about his size at such a young age. She reached over and patted the hand still clasped in hers.

“Try not to worry too much about it right now,” she said. “Why don’t we go do something to get your mind off of it. We should go have some dinner.”

Seoj’s sad expression morphed into one of disgust.

“You aren’t going to make me eat one of your concoctions are you?”

Anaj huffed in mock offense at his distaste for her alternate food choices. Despite what some people may think, she found them quite tasty. Given his state of mind, though, she chose to ignore his comment.

“You can eat whatever you want,” she said. “I won’t even ask you to try the new thing that Master Fisto gave me.”

Seoj visibly relaxed and the pair of them stood from the bed, walking out of the room together hand in hand. Though his spirits had lifted slightly at the mention of food, Anaj could tell that there were still negative feelings lurking beneath the surface. She made a mental note to think on her brother’s issue and attempt to find a solution.

A few days passed, and Anaj had not thought of anything that she felt would help lift Seoj’s melancholic mood. Thinking about the issue had left her distracted, causing her to not focus on her studies, even derailing her ability to meditate properly.

“Your mind is distracted, padawan,” Master Ti said from her place across from her.

Anaj opened one eye to see her master tilting her head quizzically as she stared at her. 

“I’m sorry, Master. I will try harder to focus,” Anaj said, closing her eye to attempt the meditation again.

A gentle touch on her knee caused both of her eyes to open and focus on the Togrutan woman before her. Her master gave her a small smile and shook her head, causing her long lekku to sway from side to side.

“What is troubling you?” she asked.

Anaj sighed and thought about the best way to answer the question. She reached up and began to fiddle with the end of one of the tendrils that had slipped over her shoulder. The act soothed her anxiety and helped calm her mind, allowing the right words to come to her.

“I’m worried about Seoj.”

Master Ti nodded as if this was no surprise to her. As far as Anaj knew, she hadn’t mentioned anything to her master about the situation, but then again, it was a master’s job to know what was going on with their student. 

“I have taught a few sessions for his clan, and I have noticed something was off during the last one,” Master Ti said. “Do you know what is troubling him?”

“He’s heard a few things said about him that have him worried. He’s worried that he is too small.”

“A strange concern for one so young,” Master Ti said. “He has plenty of time left to grow. If your recent change in height is anything to go off of, I’m sure he will grow into a tall, strong young man.”

“I know that, and I told him as much. I don’t think he listened though.”

“Perhaps it would be beneficial for him to hear it from someone other than his sister. As well-meaning as your intentions may be, they may be empty words to him at the moment.”

Anaj let out a heavy sigh and leaned her elbow on her knee, resting her face on her hand. Maybe her master was right, Seoj needed someone other than her to help him see a brighter future. She felt another gentle touch on her knee and looked up to meet her master’s gaze.

“You are a good sister and a good friend, Anaj. Never doubt that.”

Anaj gave her master a smile and nodded her thanks. Master Ti pulled her hand back and returned to her meditative pose.

“I will speak to someone about the matter. For now, how about we focus on our lesson?”

Seoj sat in the back of his class, his focus on something outside the large window beside him. He hadn’t gotten much out of the lesson so far, so he didn’t see much point in reigning in his attention now. Class was almost over anyway. After the instructor called for the class to disperse, a deep voice called his name.

“Seoj, may I have a moment of your time before you return to your quarters?”

Seoj turned to the source of the voice to find a large Lasat standing beside the doorway. He was unfamiliar with this Jedi, so he did not understand why he would want to speak with him. A shiver ran down his spine as he approached the large man, uneasiness creeping into every nerve in his body.

“Relax, young one,” the Lasat said, gesturing to a cushioned bench by a nearby window. “You are not in trouble. I merely wish to speak with you.”

Seoj sat down beside the man and stared up at him with large inquisitive eyes. 

“I am Master Jaro Tapal,” the Lasat introduced himself. “I understand you have been dealing with some troubling concerns and I am here to help put your mind at ease.”

Seoj didn’t know how this Jedi he had never met or even seen before would know what was happening in his life, but he had an inkling that Anaj may be responsible.

“Did my sister say something to you?” he asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Master Ti mentioned that you seemed in some form of distress and asked the cause. Your sister only spoke up in her concern for you, not to embarrass you.”

Seoj let out a huff and crossed his arms over his chest. It was bad enough dealing with this himself, he didn’t need a bunch of people worrying about it with him.

“How old are you, Seoj?” Master Tapal asked.

“Ten.”

“Ah, so you are nearing the age where you might be considered as a padawan for an eager teacher. That is an exciting and nerve wracking time for any young Jedi, but that is not where your concern lies.”

Seoj shook his head and focused on his feet, not wanting to look at the man beside him.

“As I understand the situation, you are concerned about your size. You worry that you will not grow to be big and strong like you feel you should?”

When it was phrased like that, Seoj felt it sounded silly and a bit vain. The idea that he wouldn’t be like Master Fisto or even the Lasat beside him still nagged at him in the back of his mind, however.

“Do you think it is important that you are large?” the Lasat asked. “Is that what you think it takes to be a Jedi?”

Seoj shrugged and glanced sideways at the Master beside him. It seemed an odd question coming from someone that was so large himself. 

“I guess I’m just worried that I won’t succeed like the others around me. I know I still have time to grow, but…”

“Even if you don’t grow to be very tall, you still have great potential.”

Seoj turned to look at him and he felt himself perk up a bit at the statement.

“You think so?”

“Master Yoda is not large, nor is my former master, Master Yaddle,” Tapal said. “Yet, they are both great Jedi Masters. Master Yoda is known for commenting that ‘size matters not’ when it comes to the skill a person possesses, Jedi or not.”

As Seoj listened to the counsel, he felt some of his worries melt away. The concern he felt due to the comments from the crèche masters lingered, but he figured he would deal with that problem if it ever presented itself. 

“I wish to show you something that may lift your spirits,” Master Tapal said, pulling a small datapad from his belt. “Look at this image.”

Seoj leaned over to look at the picture on the screen. It showed a group of younglings in a class with Master Yoda. Not far from him stood a Nautolan boy and a Lasat he guessed was the man beside him. Neither one of them was very large beside the diminutive Grand Master. 

“That is Master Fisto and myself. We were a bit younger than you, but as you can see, we hadn’t hit our growth spurts yet either.”

Seoj called to mind the way the Nautolan Jedi looked now. He was tall and strong. Nothing like the small boy in the photo. A smile began to form on his lips as the hope that things could change overtook him. He turned to look at Master Tapal and surged forward to wrap his arms around the man’s large torso.

“Thank you, Master Tapal,” he said, his voice muffled slightly by the Lasat’s robes.

A large hand patted him gently on the back and Tapal let out a huff of soft laughter.

“You’re most welcome, young one. Keep training and focus on your studies and you can become anything you wish, regardless of your size.”

A/N: Give this a like, comment, and reblog and let me know what you think!