#doing this podcast has been a dream come true really

[fayestardust]

It's Friday! Our Rosie episode with Scott Gibson is finally out. You can listen to it on your favourite podcast platform, or you can watch this one on Youtube. @almost-a-class-act and I hope you will watch/listen/like/comment/share/subscribe and let us know what you think and who your dream Rosie guest would be. Sam carried this episode. I'll try not to be sick next time.

[allastoredeer]

Hello I had this dream last night and I need to share it with you!!!

We know the whole crew is invited to the Cannibal Cookout for the weekend.

So I imagine Al is gonna let cameras take pictures of him and Lucifer, that way the headline of his relationship with the king of hell will reach the seven pentagram faster(it was showed that he can take pictures when he wants to, since vox kept one). But that also mean he is gonna be exposed for the first time in probably forever. Like he is known for his terrifying radio podcast, which means that not many ppl know about his true form, especially new born sinners. So I can only imagine the surprise of those people to see the radio demon , the scariest overlord of them all, being a cute deer with a a fluffy tail and all the package that comes with it. Also Alastor mentioned to Lucy to ‘Wear your Sunday best.”, which might imply that he is gonna wear something nice as well…

It would be hilarious if Half of hell will start simping for Alastor and downright ignoring Lucifer.

I can imagine the internet exploding with Alastor pictures and people going like 'aww his ears are moving’ or something, sinners go as far as make fan club about him, meanwhile a certain picture box is having a mental breakdown…

~Valentino: “u know u can just say it that u want him”

~Vox: “Alright alright fuck yea I do and so Does half of hell. God damn it”

Meanwhile Angel reading through the chaos Alastor just unleashed

“oh he is so stealing my job already”

Lmao

OFC In all of this Al is completely oblivious about the situation he caused, so the crew tries to keep him out the flow, to not freak him out, which it’s not hard at all, since the dude doesn’t have a phone, but he does get a bit suspicious when Lucifer makes him wear something to cover his upper body, almost as far as making him wear an hat and glasses lol(I don’t see Lucifer as being who enjoys losing himself on new trends and gossip on the internet, so Angel probably showed him a innocent picture of them, but Lucy made the bad choice to go read through the comments. Nonetheless to say he was scarred for life, and decided to take it upon himself to protect Alastor’s privacy)

Also Alastor can probably sense when someone takes pictures of him, twitching his eyes and tail but otherwise leaves it be for the sake of maintaining the charade.

This was it ehehe, I kinda felt bad I woke up from that dream, I honestly wanted to know how it ended.

Either way I can’t wait to see how u are planning to go with it. Cause I just know u are gonna make me love every second of it😆👌

thank you for listening

Ps I wrote this at 5 in the morning a week ago, and I am not sure if I already sent it to u or my mind is playing tricks to me…so I am sorry if u already got the message.

Heheheheh I love this! You have the BEST dreams. I'm so in love with most of Hell not knowing Alastor, or not really remembering what he looked like, since he's been gone (and Hell is expanding by the thousands every day, so of course there would be people who don't know him).

And so they see him for the first time and it's such a stark difference to what they were expecting XD He's developing a fan-base and Lucifer has to scare them all of (otherwise Alastor WILL murder. He will).

And no worries! I did get the ask from earlier! Sometimes, if it takes me a long time to get to an ask, that's because I want to draw some doodles for it like the pics above ^.^

[theflatpancakes]

If you couldn't tell from my reblogs I'm suddenly a huge Dreamtheory shipper so yk 😜

Uhhhh here are some headcanons dor Ness and Mike ig

Ness:

•He went to Freddy's all the time as a kid and was really sad once it shut down, although he didn't know why it got closed

•He has a true crime podcast that he does after he gets home from work; each episode is at least an hour-an hour and a half

•One day someone requested him to cover Freddy's and he was just like "???What???? When did something happen at Freddy's?????" And that's when he figured it out

•Every episode after the Freddy's episode he mentioned it at least once, and mist episodes were just covering new stuff he found out about Freddy's and the murders/disappearances

•He has been tempted to break in just to look for evidence so many times, although he never did

•He's a horror movie fanatic

•Also a conspiracy theorist

•He unironically owns the Dream Theory book that Mike has jn the movie. He got it to investigate for an episode of his podcast but eventually just got actually into the ideas the book was talking about

•Coffee. Addict.

•Doesn't care for labels, really. He likes anybody that likes him

•Theater kid; no, not just because MatPat is a theater kid.

Mike:

•Regular at Sparky's, both before and after getting the job at Freddy's

•He sometimes feels Garret pulling at his pants/shirt and is convinced he felt something, but always brushes it off

•Chugs energy drinks like there's no tomorrow

•He never got any sleep, even before he started working the night shift

•^ He also stayed up late when he was a kid/teen despite having to wake up early for school

•After the events of the first movie he quit Freddy's and went and got a job at Sparky's since it was close to his house and nearly guaranteed to not have haunted animatronics with the souls of dead kids in them!

•Always thought he was straight up until he randomly caught feelings for Ness after they started working together and seeing each other all day almost every day

Both/their relationship:

•Mike sometimes shows up in Ness' podcast

•Back on about the 2nd night of Mike's working at Freddy's, he invited Ness to come check some stuff out since he showed some great enthusiasm about Mike working there and him knowing about Ness' podcast and stuff

•Ness confessed first

•^Mike was just letting his feelings sit and shoving them down while he was in denial

•After about a month or two of being together, Mike was like, "Hey broski, so like.... you wanna move in with me and Abby????" And Ness was like "Uhm. Yeah, of course I do" so they moved in and played video games together all the time and Ness because practically a second dad to Abby even though Mike is technically her brother but whatever

•^After that, Mike was in almost every episode of Ness's podcast, and instead of just referring to Mike as his guest/coworker, he actually started referring to Mike as his boyfriend

•^So a little more about what they called each other on the podcast. Ness started calling Mike his boyfriend on there a few episodes before they moved in and the first time he said that he actually said how long they'd been together and when they moved in together he announced that on the episode that they did once Ness actually fully moved at least his recording set up into Mike's house

•So remember how I mentioned Mike was a regular at Sparky's??? So the first couple times he went he got sat in Ness' section and it was a funny coincidence so after that he started asking to be sat in Ness' section because he was funny and nice and just a cool dude to have as your server but Ness didn't know that Mike was requesting to be in his area so he thought it was just a coincidence

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[aschann]

How would the Volturi react if their S/o is fan of true-crime Part 2

Caius

He wouldn't really care about your love of crime. In fact, he may have remarked several times why you bother with crime, because people are just people. (Even when you are about to be turned)

At first he doesn't really understand your hobbies, but over time you can get to a level where you can rarely discuss a current case that interests you.

Just like Aro and Marcus, Caius is protective of his partner, but he also goes for your fighting skills. If you can one day negotiate your way out of the castle walls, for example to go shopping, you can protect yourself, especially if you just go after danger.

He'll assign you a throne next to his that very day if you mention that you'd like to attend the judgement as his queen.

He won't stop you if you want to toy in the throne room with the vampire who has killed countless humans as a human, and even gives you a proud smile. However, if there's trouble, he'll step right in and rip the vampire's arms off. (Only if you're a vampire)

He won't hold you back if you want to spend time in the torture chamber with Jane later on, but only if you're a vampire and have good enough fighting skills and powers, if any. He trusts Jane not to let a strand of your hair get harmed.

Do you want to go out? Outside Volterra? Dream on. Every now and then you can go, the two of you, every couple of years for a little outing where he admires the art while you look for and maybe try to solve the crime of the place, under his protective gaze of course.

Overall, he's curious but doesn't mind your hobby, because he likes to see you cheered up after a case is solved (either the police found the killer or you did justice.)

Demetri

He would enjoy the situation, and before each mission he would ask what unsolved murders had occurred in that area. He loves the way your face lights up and he can find out everything in minutes.

If you're human or not, but if you're a vampire you can accompany him on the easier tasks.

He doesn't hesitate when you ask him to find the killer of an unsolved sick murder.

On your honeymoon you won't have the time or energy to deal with the crimes, your husband will take care of that, but in return when the masters give you two a few weeks off, he'll help you once or twice, and you'll always be amply repaid in the evening in your bedrooms.

The Greek vampire often had to steal you away from the company of Jane, with whom you became good friends.

He's not going to let you down in the dungeon, Jane or no Jane, you'll have to accept that, because there's a lot you can talk to him about but you won't be able to get him to let you near the ravenous and evil-minded vampires.

You had to fight not to be seen as the innocent, naive girl in order to get an action phase in your little investigation.

Overall, he would find your hobbies sexy and attractive, you can't imagine how many times he would have wanted to carry you to bed or kiss you when you were trying to find out who the killer was before the police did.

Alec

At the beginning of your relationship you don't really dare to tell him the truth, and understandably so, there's a lot of misunderstanding because you're secluded and if no one comes looking for you could be sitting in a secret corner of the garden or library for hours, reading police reports and articles on all sorts of subjects.

The cards have been turned, this time it's Alec who's bothered, annoyed that even when you're together you're not yourself, guilted into lying.

In the end, your own guilt won out, embarrassed, you told him about your hobbies of reading about crime and listening to podcasts.

A giant rock fell from the heart of the witch's twin. In relief, he ignores how unusual your hobby is and embraces you instead.

You have to teach him everything you know, even if it takes years. He wants to know why you're interested in the subject.

You're his partner, he doesn't want you to hide anything from him just because you're afraid of his reaction because of his past.

He will back you up if you want to investigate, up to the line that you won't involve yourself in danger, and leave the dirty work that arises to him and his sister.

If it weren't for you, he probably wouldn't care much about people based on his human experience.

Jane

Like Alec, it was hard to tell her.

Unlike her brother, she is more strongly against your hobby.

In the beginning she could smash your phone/laptop and the TV if she caught you.

For a long time, think weeks/months she always found someone to babysit, and even if you've worked your charm, they're all scared of Jane letting you have access to any electrical devices.

Jane hates your hobbies, she doesn't understand why you watch horror movies. Even if part of her is glad that knowing the horrors of the world won't make you leave, the biggest part of her wants to protect you from the horrors of the world.

If you are flexible, she will help you find other hobbies.

If not, she will set up boundaries. Don't think you can watch anything without her presence. For a long time, all electronic devices will disappear. And for Jane, such a long period can last for years.

She hopes that over the years you'll find other activities and hobbies to pursue, perhaps even taking her to museums and the theatre.

She'll soften up in time, but you'll have to work very hard on that, but she'll always hate true-crime which will always remind her of her own past humanity.

[distort-opia]

Could you maybe explain to me what exactly Jason's problem with Bruce was/is when he came back?

Maybe I'm being stupid but I don't know. Like, I know there's this space between Jason's resurrection and Talia finding him... and Jason returing for a sec to kill Bruce, then changing his mind, and went back to Talia to plan The Ultimatum and travel the world a bit.

I went off the assumption that Jason thought Bruce didn't care enough for him to kill the Joker and then the whole stupid thing with the batarang to the neck after everyone thought Dick died.

But, like, Jason kind of destroyed his relationship with the batfam himself with the whole coming out of nowhere and trying to hurt/traumatize/kill them. I don't mean to hate on Jason specifically, I just don't get him on a fundamental level.

Would really appreciate if somebody could clear that up, I'm kind of desperate. Like I have most of the facts but it seems like a jigzaw puzzle with too many pieces and I can't make sense of it.

To be honest, I don't understand your confusion fully? You pretty much explained it yourself, why Jason was angry at Bruce after he came back. Even Judd Winick, the writer of Under the Red Hood, says it very concisely (in this interview):

When it comes to Jason's relationships with the Batfam, I'll once again let Winick explain his vision (transcription of a podcast episode to be found here):

You say that Jason harmed his relationship with the Batfam himself as if Jason's intention had been to have good relationships with them. At the times he went after Tim or Dick or Damian, I don't think he cared much about that, hah. Most of his choices at the time could be boiled down to "What would piss off Bruce the most, either directly or by proxy?"... and also, "What would get Bruce's attention the most?". Because that's what made it complicated, right. Jason wouldn't have gone to these extremes if he didn't care about Bruce.

As to things not making sense... you're not being stupid, I'm sorry to say that at least to me, it's impossible to reconcile all of Jason's actions within a coherent character. Just because he was written by different people in different continuities with very different goals (though maybe more accurately, by some writers lacking a goal, as in not really knowing what to do with him). This is true for most comic book characters, not just Jason; true consistency is a pipe dream when the history of a character spans decades. Keeping that in mind, my personal approach is forming an idea of the original core traits of a character (which is why I gave examples of what Winick himself said), and then filtering their subsequent portrayals through that. Some comics will be horribly OOC despite them technically being canon and you simply have to go the "I recognize that the Council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision I've elected to ignore it" route. Then there's, of course, your personal preferences; you can choose what is canon to you because you like it, and form your idea of a character around those instances-- though here I'd always warn to never stop being aware that it's your idea of the character. There is no absolute truth, and we're all playing in a sandbox. Other people will choose other instances of canon, or try to reconcile all of them somehow, and your ideas might not jive. That's perfectly fine.

That being said, while I do like Jason a lot, he isn't my full-time blorbo, so I'm sure other Jason scholars could respond to this much better than I did! If anyone wants to add more in-depth answers, please do.

[darcytaylor]

It's been a long day and I'm incredibly tired but I wanted to come on here to give some thoughts about this episode -

Being the centre of attention doesn’t come naturally to Nicola, but she shines so bright in the centre. I love that Nicola was able to get past her insecurities and her natural introverted self was put to the side and she killed it and is killing it. 

Nicola said so many wonderful things about Luke but what made me laugh was when she said Luke is “uncomplicated in the best way” - I think he may be trying to prove Nicola is a liar! Hahahaha. No shade towards Luke, but he’s trying to make his life complicated and he’s doing a great job at it. 

As someone who has also worked their ass off to get to where they are today, her speech about men being threatened by successful women, women who know who they are, woman who know what they want, women who have their shit together, is so true!

I also didn't come from money (growing up I lived in poverty), I worked so many minimum wage jobs, I’ve been scared in the past not knowing if I could pay rent. 

I don’t want to divulge too much into my personal life, but I now work in a VERY male dominated field, I see misogyny daily. Even with 15+ years in my field and being damn good at what I do, I love that Nicola brought this up, because people need to continue to say this. 

“you should never give up who you are, even for someone that you love deeply.” - YES YES YES! I love that in the end Penelope didn’t give up on writing, she didn’t give up on her purpose and dreams. 

“Yeah. Love, love a bit of a cry.” Same girl, same!

It kind of makes me sad that so many people didn’t leave watching season 3 in a positive way. When Nicola mentioned that she wants Polin fans to feel joy after watching season 3, it broke my heart a little. I know that so many were upset about season 3 and that it was slightly soured by certain actions and certain outcomes, but there were so many beautiful parts to it. It may not have been perfect but I still stand by what I have said, it gave me what I wanted and needed. It gave me joy!

I don’t have much to say about Jess’s part in this Podcast, but this - “The other one is Benedict and Eloise's goodbye. There is something that gets discussed in their goodbye that is a moment from a book that fans will surely recognize. And I can't really say much more about it, but I think if you know, you know.” - Benedict will be season 4! So don’t you worry Benophie fans!

[gabessquishytum]

Hob recently moved into this kick-ass new apartment building -- it's apartments are all centered around a courtyard. Hob's apartment looks out over the front fountain and a little bench (he thought he saw a black blur surrounded by pigeons, when he quickly looked out his window the other day).

In any event, Hob loves finally living alone! It means he can walk around naked all he wants - do his morning yoga naked; bop around cooking (non splat-ery things) or cleaning naked - and not worry about offending a roommate. He can masterbate any time, in any room, he wants too. Hob is so happy!

Hob bought curtains, okay. He even put them up. Thank you very much. But,,,,he might have,,,,put them up not great. Suffice to say, Hob doesn’t realize he's giving his cross courtyard neighbors (Dream, Cori, Destruction) a free show. Hob gets home from classes around 3:30 (on Mondays, Wednesdays & Thursdays) -- he's gloriously naked by 3:45 -- and he does "Sun Salute" bright and early every morning. Nakedly.

Dream, Cori and Ollie know someone should say something,,,offer to at least fix hot guy's curtains,,,,,but he's sooooo attractive. He's hairy in all the best ways, his cock looks beautiful, even from the distance (and even when not hard). He's so hot they just can't stop looking. They don't even know each other are just staring (; they're not friends, they just grab drinks every now and again, when they can convince Dream to stop "arting").

It gets worse when Naked!Neighbor breaks out the dildos and lube -- he just goes to town on what is obviously a slutty slutty hole (look at how it takes the dildo!! 🫣) and the boys just can't even deal!

WOOO yes this!!!! this is wonderful!!!! Love the idea of the three roomies all lusting over oblivious Hob.

One night the guys have persuaded Dream out of his room and they're all having drinks together - everyone's a tiny bit tipsy, even Destruction. The conversation inevitably turns to crushes and romance and (because Cori is there) sex.

Destruction blushingly admits that there's this one guy he really likes. They've never even spoken, but he's so hot, exactly his type. He looks like he could really take everything Destruction wants to give him, and oh, he's so captivatingly flexible. He can't believe he's admitting it out loud but this guy totally made him lose no nut november.

Cori interrupts with a cackle, and his own crush story. He hasn't had to use porn in months because he's been watching thinking about this one guy. Cori is just obsessed with him and his sinfully plump little arse. He's got 101 fantasies about what he wants to do with this guy.

To save himself from having to hear about Cori’s various kinks yet again, Dream shares that he also has his eye on someone. He's been sketching this guy for months and swears that he has the perfect physical form. His skin is like a sunrise, his hair is like the richest earth... Dream is extremely poetically horny about him. True to his name he's even had (wet) dreams about the guy.

The three of them all raise a toast - to each of them getting their respective man! It's a rather wholesome moment after all.

And, as though their hopes and wishes have all started to come true... they all get a chance with Hob!

Destruction spots Hob having trouble with his bike one day, and helps him fix it. To thank him, Hob invites him back to his place and it's not long before he's demonstrating his strength and flexibility with his thighs hooked over Destruction's shoulders.

Cori meets him in the hallway and they get chatting about true crime podcasts. Before long, Cori finds himself invited back to Hob’s flat. Within 15 minutes he's getting intimately acquainted with that perfect arse and fucking Hob hard and fast over the kitchen table.

Dream finally bumps into Hob in the cute little courtyard, and they get talking about the pigeons and Dream’s drawings. Hob ultimately invites him up to talk more as he's interested in buying one of Dream’s paintings... but they quickly get distracted. Hob shows exactly why he did all that practice bouncing on the dildo and rides Dream’s dick into oblivion.

And still the three roomies don't know that they're banging the same guy! And Hob doesn't know that the three guys he's had amazing sex with recently are roommates!

And he still hasn't got his curtains fixed! 😁

[sarahmackattack]

Hi Sarah!

I have a cephalopod question: do ceph’s ever lose their suckers, and if so are they able to grow new ones?

And a SciComm question: do you have any advice for someone who wants to grow their career in SciComm? It’s my dream career but it seems like opportunities are few and far between.

Is it “better” to pursue a degree in a specific science, or to focus more on the education/teaching side of things?

(although a huge shoutout to you and the other SciComm folks sharing your passions! I did manage to get a part-time internship and job at my local zoo in their education department, and I only had the courage to pursue those opportunities thanks to people like you! Didn’t think I’d get this far, and now I can’t wait to take it even farther; I’ve just got to figure out how to get there first!)

Do ceph’s ever lose their suckers, and if so are they able to grow new ones? I'm sure they do! The regeneration of some species has been studied but not all of them so there's likely some species that are a little better at it than others (for example, it's probably something a predator that attacks very strong fast animals needs than an animal that primarily eats bivalves).

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to grow their career in SciComm? The trouble with this is that my job is very very weird, and doesn't exist in the kind of structure where you apply for a job →you get the job → you have a stable job. It's more similar to the safety and job structure of being an artist, but with a nonprofit thrown into the mix. It's... complicated! And not necessarily stable! All that to say, how I got here is not going to work for everyone and I honestly sometimes cant believe it worked/works for me at all. It might stop working any second.

But whatever here's what I did. I practiced science communication on social media and locally in Connecticut (where I was at the time). I tried to consume a lot of science communication and consider what was working in those pieces, and thought about what I enjoyed doing within that whole huge ecosystem. There's one zillion ways to do science communication, and different approaches will hit different audiences. It's totally critical for a lot of different people to be doing science communication in a way that feels genuine to them, in their own voices, with whatever methods they like doing the most so that as a collective, we hit the broadest patch of people. No one science communication technique is perfect for every "audience" member, so the diversity of approaches is so so important. I don't think that gets said enough. So explore! See what you like, see what you get joy out of doing, see how people react to it. Producing science communication as you're practicing will build out a portfolio of work that you can point to when you graduate.

There are a lot of kinds of science communication jobs. There's the freelance/DIY approach like having a podcast like Alie Ward, or founding a nonprofit (this is very hard and i don't recommend doing this lol), or having a successful youtube channel/social media situation like Hank Green or doing TV like Emily Calandrelli/Bill Nye/Phil Torres. Then there's working for an existing science education nonprofit like Biobus or Science Friday or working for institutions like museums/zoos/aquaria, etc. Theres also a whole field in the university system called "extension" where you're taking the work happening at the university and connecting the surrounding population with that work. Each of those jobs, particularly the older institution-based ones have their own structures and will come with different advice on how to get into those jobs. I'm not really sure about those. Having that science communication portfolio will likely help for all of them though!

As far as what to do for school... I think the true but kinda complicated answer is that often what we do for school isn't directly related to what we end up doing. The skills we build while we're in school, and the connections we make are really what determines where we end up and what we end up doing. So... really take seriously the stuff you're doing that nobody's telling you to do. That's as important as class... and honestly, in my personal experience, it's way more important than what you do in class.

[arvensimp]

your father should know pt. 1

Arven leaves you with something more than either of you bargained for when he goes off to Kalos for an internship, and through a series of miscommunications and heartbreak, he returns a few years later to learn that he actually has a child.

arven x reader, nsfw content, pregnancy, angst, and stupid miscommunications'

~

Champagne was poured freely, toasts were made, songs were sung. Everyone laughed and cried in near equal measure, and they hugged and kissed and made promises to keep in touch and talk soon and "not to be a stranger!" and "tune in every week!"

For his part, Arven blushed and drank it in almost as well as he drank in the champagne. He's never gotten used to being the center of attention. With stellar professor parents and a best friend who sits near the top of the Paldean Pokemon League, he's always been...just Arven. Just some guy. Not a nobody, but...well, if the shoe fits.

No, no! He can't think like that. He's amazing in his own ways. Hell, everyone gathered like this because of him.

An apprenticeship with one of the most famous celebrity chefs of Kalos at their marketing institution as well! He'd be gone for a year, learning from the best of the best of the best, touring the region, doing podcasts and making weekly videos. All of it would revolve around making food that would make people and pokemon happy and healthy. It was like a dream.

He wasn't totally sure at first... After all, he'd never left the region, but then again maybe an adventure was just what he needed? That's what you'd told him anyway, looking up at him with your sparkling eyes that made his stomach twist in knots.

Paldea wasn't really his home anyway. (Could he even say he ever had a home?) Go see the world! He's young and untied now, so why not? It'll be like the treasure hunt from back during school but even better.

So he agreed and got to preparing while you and all of your friends got to planning his goodbye party.

He'd be off in the morning, and at this point nearly everyone had left his flat, staggering or taking cabs home.

Everyone but you.

You and Arven.

Arven and you.

The original buddies.

Alone on the L-shaped sofa, lounging, head-to-head at the crook of it. Arven's hand is still holding a half-finished bottle of champagne that drags across the wooden floor. Both of your hands are folded across your ribcage. 

He exhales a long puff of air that blows his bangs from his eye.

"Have you had too much to drink over there?" You ask. Even without looking Arven can hear the smile on your lips.

"Nah..." He grunts a bit as he rolls over onto his side. "Barely a buzz at this point, honestly." And it's true. A man of his size usually needs a fair amount of alcohol to really get lost in it, especially when they've eaten as much as he has this evening. "Just...thinkin' I guess."

"Yeah?" You roll over as well. Neither of you are facing each other, but if you crane your necks you could see one another’s faces. "Gimmighoul coin for your thoughts?"

He chuckles. "That's a mouthful. You know you can just say 'penny' right? Like we have those."

You blow a raspberry, and Arven laughs harder.

"Now who's the one who's had too much to drink?" He asks.

"Hey!" You stop, mock-serious. "I'm your driver to the airport tomorrow. You know I won't be hungover for that, so clearly I haven't had too much tonight."

Arven snorts and lifts a hand to pat affectionately on your head, but he misses phenomenally, smushing your face instead. The two of you erupt into giggles, rolling over onto your stomachs as you do, so you can more easily sit up to look at one another from your separate legs of the sofa.

The laughter quiets naturally.

Arven knows he loves you. He has for a long time, but he's just never been able to say it. The words can't come out. He's tried to show it every other way he can, so it mostly comes out as food and snacks given to you whenever he can muster it up, and you don't seem to be any the wiser. You always just smile up at him with those same sparkling eyes. It's maddening and dizzying and infuriating and enamoring all at once.

And you're smiling at him like that now.

And then you're leaning in.

He's leaning in, too.

It takes nothing for your lips to meet. There are no fireworks, no crackles of electricity, no orchestra that plays some swelling love song in his head.

You're just kissing, and it's perfect. You only part to actually sit up, so the two of you aren't stuck in a cobra-pose on the couch forever, but in that brief moment of adjustment, you're both blushing, scooting closer to one another, each lifting one knee up to stay on the couch while the other bends down to the floor.

You won't look at each other, but your fingers find one another, interlocking tightly.

"I-I--" Arven starts, getting ready to apologize, but he isn’t sure why.

"Will you do that again?" You ask over him.

His jaw drops as he looks down at you. "Yeah... Absolutely."

He leans in, and you're kissing again, with Arven hovering over you, large and unimposing and wonderful. With the angle, it's more than easy for the two of you to just keep falling further down, down, down, until he's properly on top of you, pressing one of your legs bent at the knee against the back of the sofa while your other foot trails lightly against the floor, knocking against Arven’s discarded champagne bottle.

Arven's hand that isn't holding yours is in your hair, his nails scratching lightly at the back of your neck. When the action makes you gasp into him, he takes the initiative to deepen your kiss, grazing his tongue along your lower lip before it explores further into your mouth.

You meet him eagerly, rolling your body up to meet his as your free hand scratches lightly down his still-clothed back. 

Arven hums into you and breaks the kiss to sit up. He grips the lower hem of his shirt and gives you a questioning look, only proceeding to remove the garment when you've enthusiastically nodded, biting your lip to hold back eager giggles.

"God, you look so good..." You tell him, running your hands up and down his torso once he's bare, making him shiver and blush all at once.

"C-C'mon..." He says, not meeting your eye but still going on to continue kissing you in a way that has you happily obliging. 

Seconds, minutes, or hours could have passed like that between the two of you, just kissing, and you wouldn't have been any the wiser, but eventually one of Arven's hands grows daring, skirting just along the edge of your top, tickling at the skin of your abdomen there with its pervading warmth before moving up and behind your back. You sit up just the tiniest bit, nipping at his mouth before breaking off the kiss, so you can properly remove your top and bra for him.

"You...uh, this is what you wanted, right?" You ask with a nervous laugh, and Arven's too busy trying not to stare at your tits. He just nods kinda dumbly in the way that men often do, leaning in to kiss you again, so you don't have to watch as he paws and squeezes at you, tweaking at your nipple in a way that gets you gasping his name, which, fuck... Arven didn't think his name could sound so good.

He tears himself from your mouth to kiss and bite at your breast while one of his hands kneads the other. 

You squirm beneath his ministrations, gasping in delight at his touch.

It takes very little before you're grinding against him, purposefully pulling your leg up and over his hip for better leverage to rut against the growing hardness in his pants.

"Fuck," Arven groans, pulling his mouth off your tit in a way that has you hissing in pleasure as he dips his forehead to rest between your breasts. "Keep doing that, and I'm gonna cum in my pants, damn..."

"And what if that's what I want?" You tease him as you continue, feeding into the growing wetness between your thighs.

Arven barks a light laugh from his place at your chest, one of his hands squeezing your hip right at the apex where your body meets leg. "I'd think that wouldn't be very fun for you?" As he speaks he rolls his hips into yours, purposefully grinding against your center, making you moan just the tiniest bit.

"See?" He continues, egging you on in the best way. The hand at your hip travels inward, bit by nervous bit. "I-If you want, I mean?"

You nod almost frantically with a "Yes, please!" and Arven has to stop himself for a moment, his hand paused right at the seam where your inner thigh meets your panties, your skirt having been rolled up ages ago.

He looks at you, tries to memorize the way your hair splays out beneath you, the flush of your cheeks, the way your eyelashes fan out against them when your eyes close, your fingers grasping for purchase against the fabric of his sofa. It's all being committed to memory.

He shifts his fingers, tensing them against you just a bit before you can make any sound of impatience or discomfort at his hesitancy... Not hesitancy. No. He... He wants to savor this.

Slowly he moves, hooking his fingers beneath the elastic of your panties, maneuvering you just enough to get the article along with your skirt off and discarded somewhere on the floor. Then his hands are back on you again in an instant.

"Fuck," He whispers under his breath, half astounded as he stares down at you. "You're dripping for me..." 

You wriggle your hips a bit, and he slips a single digit between your folds. The tightly coiled arousal in your stomach rolls through you, your toes curling in anticipation at just that simple touch.

"Fuck, Arven..." It's soft the way you say it. You grasp his wrist, not stopping him, just holding him there, as if he'd ever dare to leave.

He lets his finger drag upward just a bit, just so he can find--

You keen softly, rolling your hips against his hand, silently pleading him to focus there.

"I've got you..." He says softly, leaning back in to capture your mouth again, biting gently at your lower lip while you grind against his single finger stroking small circles around your clit. 

"Fuck...fuck that's nice..." You groan against Arven's mouth, making him smile against you, renewing his efforts.

"You like that?" He asks, and it barely feels like teasing, especially when you so eagerly nod your enthusiasm to him.

"Hmm, god… More, please?"

Arven hums, continuing his pace just a bit longer before he lets his finger dip lower to press just at the edge of your entrance. When you roll your hips against him to fuck his finger into you, he lets it slip inside as you sigh, contented.

"Shit, you're so tight around just this one... Damn..." He tells you fondly as he starts to piston the digit slowly to match your pace before adding a second into the mix.

You moan lowly.

"K-keep going like that, fuck..." You tell him in a raspy, breathy voice.

"Yeah? Whatever you like," Arven tells you, adjusting his position above you just a bit, so he can lean a bit more on one of his knees, freeing up his other hand, so it can go to play with your clit.

The dual stimulation has you writhing and squirming almost instantaneously. Your moans turn high and needy real quickly from there, and within a minute or two, your vision goes white behind your eyes as your cunt pulses erratically around Arven's fingers with your orgasm washing over you.

It isn't until you pant a fucked-out "E-enough, enough...slow..." That he finally drags his fingers from your core, dripping with your essence.

He's so lost in the moment, internally congratulating himself on actually making you cum, that he jolts when he feels your hands on the button to his pants.

"Oh." You say, pulling back. "Sorry. Uh... Did... Did you not..?"

"No!" He says, too loud, then clears his throat and tries again, softer. Fuck, you're beautiful like this. 

"I-I mean. I. I do. I want to. I just." He looks bashful. "Uh... I don't have any condoms? I can-- I mean, I'll go buy some. If you want." 

You shrug. "Don't worry about it. I'm on the pill, and you can pull out to be extra safe?"

He nods. "If you're sure."

You nod.

Arven sighs, nodding again, partly to himself, then his hands go to his fly, and--

"Can I?" You ask, sweet as candy, and how can Arven do anything but nod and let his hands fall to the side as he watches you? 

Your touch is featherlight as you free his cock from his boxer briefs; all Arven needed to do was lower his pants just a bit further down his hips. When you grasp him fully, Arven hisses between his teeth, resisting the urge to fuck your fist. 

He lowers himself back down, and you purposefully and delightfully catch the tip of his cock along your clit as you lube him up before lining him to your entrance.

Arven looks at you, catching those sparkling eyes, still gleaming even in the low light of the evening. He rolls his hips forward, and you meet him halfway, the pair of you groaning in complete satisfaction at the union.

Just a moment later, after you've both adjusted, he starts to move, properly fucking you, balancing his weight on his forearm on the couch's armrest above your head. His eyes flutter closed, and he groans, cursing softly under his breath.

You match his pace as best you're able given the amount of room you have, hooking a leg over his hips to draw him into you deeper in a way that has you both moaning low, foreheads pressed together.

"F-feels so good..." You tell him breathily. Part of you considers snaking a hand down between you to toy with your clit again, but Arven must have read your mind because you feel his warm hand trailing up along your hip to squeeze in, pressing up just above where the two of you are joined. His thumb rolls your clit, applying just enough pressure that you jolt beneath him, losing your sense of rhythm, along with almost any other senses you have beyond your unwavering need for more of him and his fucking hands on you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Arven," You chant like a stupid prayer, tucking your head into his shoulder. "Like that, please. Don't stop. Fuck. Please."

Arven smiles and kisses your temple, riding the high of the power trip. "Wouldn't dream of it..." He can't help the jolt of arousal that goes straight to his cock when you say things like that. Fuck. And the way you squeeze around him? He has to put a real, concerted effort into his ministrations or else he'd absolutely be blowing his load inside you, especially when your walls flutter like that? He could die like this and be a happy man, he knows it.

He's so wrapped up in his thoughts that it nearly startles him when you suddenly still, a moan caught halfway out your throat as your cunt squeezes him like a vice for a long, long moment before it starts rhythmically fluttering in time with your heart. Your head is tossed back as you cum around his cock, and--

And fuck, he needs to cum. Now. His hips stutter to a halt while he’s inside you, and he exhales slowly through his nose, letting you ride out your orgasm around him while he does his absolute best to hold on. As soon as he feels you've stilled somewhat, he pulls out, and just that motion, that friction, has him cumming ribbons that paint your stomach as he jerks himself through the remainder of it, panting with the effort it took to hold on for so long.

You watch him through your lashes, still trying to steady your own breath, shivering at the sensation of his hot cum lining stripes along your abdomen.

You sigh in time with Arven as he seems to finally calm, and the two of you stay silent for what feels like an eternity until eventually he hauls himself up with a grunt.

"Lemme, uh... I'll take care of that." Arven says noncommittally as he quickly moves to the kitchen where you hear him shuffle around and turn the faucet on.

When he returns, it's with a warm, wet cloth to wipe away the mess he's made of you, which he does meticulously and methodically. You shiver at his gentle touch.

"Uh... Sorry..." He says softly.

The absolute absurdity of it makes you laugh, bright and high. "Sorry? For the best sex I've probably ever had?" You stretch out on the sofa like a persian. "Please. You've just given me..." You yawn. "So much more...to look forward to...when you get back." You look back to him. "I-I mean... Uh. If. If this is...something you want?"

Arven drops to his knees to be at your level, looking at you with wide eyes.

"It is! I-I mean definitely! Yeah! Definitely. If you want. Yeah..." He gets this goopy, lovestruck look on his face that's so beyond endearing that you can't help but lean over to kiss him again.

"Good."

-

The next day, the two of you arrive at the airport hand in hand, and before you kiss goodbye, you promise to keep in touch, message as often as you can (as roaming fees allow) and that you'll see each other soon. 

You watch Arven go through security, and when he's done, he waves from behind the glass, not taking his eyes from you until he's literally too far away.

If you cry a little bit on your way home, 'Raidon doesn't seem to tease you for it along the road.

-

With Arven gone, life basically continues as it had, albeit you're definitely feeling emptier. You continue work with the Pokémon League, performing basic research tasks for Jacq, and battling with Nemona to stay sharp. Every chance you get, you watch or listen to whatever videos get posted by the team Arven is working with, hoping for just a blip of him! Any time you see him, you comment and talk about how cute and handsome he is and how they should definitely show more of that cute guy with the two-toned hair. You giggle every time, hoping it helps some.

This particular morning, several weeks later, you and Nemona are outside Mesagoza, battling as you usually do, when a wave of nausea suddenly overtakes you.

You don't throw up or pass out, but the distraction of it keeps you from commanding your partner effectively, giving Nemona a leg up.

"Off your game today, eh?" She taunts you lightly from across the field.

You try to laugh, but you think you can literally feel the color draining from your face. You command Tinkaton to retaliate with a Gigaton Hammer, but then the world goes black around you.

Nemona's at your side in an instant (or is it longer than that?), panting with the effort it took to get to you so fast. Tinkaton and Goodra are also scurrying over with worried looks on their faces. "Hey! Hey, you okay?" She asks, holding up your head in her lap.

"What...?"

"You just dropped like a corviknight outta the sky, bestie. You've got me worried."

You shut your eyes tight and breathe through another wave of nausea.

"Yeah, I don't like whatever's happening." Nemona tells you. "Can you stand? I'll take you to the doctor."

More realistically, 'Raidon takes you to the doctor, and Nemona hangs around for moral support. She knows you've been kinda poorly since Arven left anyway, so she correctly guesses that you don't really want to be alone if you're about to go through a health crisis or something.

The two of you chat together while you wait for the results of your blood work and urinalysis to come back. The folks at the clinic had given you some fluids and told you to stay off your feet for a now for fear of another fainting spell, so you were basically stuck for a minute.

When the doctor returns, she asks if you'd like Nemona to stay while she gives you your results. The doctor doesn't seem terribly morbid or worried about anything, so you figure it can't be that bad, right?

You look to Nemona and smile, taking her hand.

"If that's okay?" You ask her.

Nemona smiles and nods, squeezing back.

The doctor returns your grins. "Since that's the case, let me go ahead and confirm your pregnancy, Miss."

Your brow furrows, and the edges of your vision go blurry like you're going to pass out all over again, and suddenly the only thing you can hear is the sound of your own blood pumping in your ears.

Everything looks so far away. Distantly, you know you're still holding Nemona's hand, but somehow it's as if your arm has stretched across the room and she's floating further and further from you. You can't even register what she looks like. What sort of face she must be making at you.

Whatever else happens at the clinic from there, you cannot recall. Obviously you must have said something or reacted in some way. You just know that Nemona brings you home with vitamins and appointment cards for follow up visits with different doctors for whatever route you decide to take.

She spends the night with you, curled up in a cuddle puddle with you and all of your pokemon, petting your hair softly as she sings something terribly out of tune but still soothing. She doesn't force anything out of you, knowing you'll tell her when you're ready.

That's how Nemona becomes the first person you tell about Arven and what you did. You spill everything to her the next morning as you cry into a bowl of sugary cereal, and she just rubs your back lovingly, spooning cornflakes into her mouth.

"So... What's the next step?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... Are you going to tell him? Do you wanna keep it in the first place?"

"Geez, Nemona! That's a little direct."

"What?!" She puts her hands up placatingly.

"Of course I'm gonna tell him. Can you imagine if I didn't? I feel like that'd break his heart... He deserves to know. And I mean..." You look down. Of course you're not showing yet it's way too early. In some other world this would be where you put a hand on your lower abdomen and fantasize for a moment about it all, building a family, a bouncing baby and a husband and a white picket fence. But for some reason, you can't bring yourself to do it. That would make things a little bit too real for what you're willing to handle right now. But even then. "I-I wanna talk to him first. I...think I want to do this... But... He should have a say too, right?"

Nemona puts a hand on your shoulder. "Your word is most important, if you ask me."

You take a moment to breathe. "Yeah. I'm gonna tell him. I gotta talk to him first before deciding anything else."

And then you don't.

Or. Well. You try. You really do!

Thing is, it's really difficult to get a hold of Arven since he's been abroad. Your texts are sporadic at best.

Part of you just considers waiting. After all, he's off doing something really wonderful for himself. He's living his dream! Becoming an amazing man and making things happen for himself! He spent his entire life until now doing things for other people, waiting on his parents to come home, acting as an errand boy before finding out what had happened, then caring for Mabosstiff... 

How could you call him to come home over something like this? That would be horrible of you. He needs to be able to do something for himself, and living his dream in Kalos is it!

But...he definitely deserves to know. He would want to know, wouldn't he?

You have to tell him.

So eventually you shoot Arven a message.

-hey! wanna video chat tonight?

-What time? I've got some stuff going on this evening, plus a pretty packed schedule in the morning, but I'd love to see you!

-oh! well maybe some other time then

-Ok ❤️

....And then a few days go by...

Fuck!!!!! Why are you like this???

You send him a picture of Tinkaton on top of 'Raidon another time which Arven laugh-reacts at, making your heart go all fluttery.

-wanna call tonight? i miss you

-I miss you too, buddy! Let's plan for it.

But then the time of your call comes and goes, and you end up falling asleep waiting for the phone to ring, your ??? texts having gone unanswered.

Finally a few days later you just call him one evening. You're getting too antsy and nervous, and you have to get this thing off your chest and/or uterus.

The phone rings several times, and when he finally picks up, you hear the sound of shuffling, then Arven whispering.

"What's going on?" He asks, soft but harsh. "I'm kinda in the middle of a thing. Is everything okay?"

"Uh..." I missed you. I'm so sorry. I'm kinda carrying your baby right now, and I'm so sorry but I think I'm going to crush your dreams by asking if you want to come home to be with me to raise it together? Is that even a thing that you want? Your mouth goes dry, and your stomach twists in knots. Now absolutely isn't the time for nausea, but when is?

"You there?" Arven asks, sounding a bit more annoyed.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry..." You finally respond after swallowing back a lump in your throat. "I just... I..."

You hear more shuffling on the other end and Arven's voice calling out to whoever else must be around him. "Hey, give me a minute, I need to take this!" Then some more sounds of what you imagine must be him going somewhere more secluded. "What's going on? Did something happen?"

"Uh..." Fuck fuck fuck. You have to tell him. "I-I just... I miss you."

You hear him exhale a sigh over the phone, but you can't tell if it's fond or exasperated. "Miss you, too. Is something going on?"

"Everything's okay, no one's dying or anything," Quite the opposite in fact. "I just... I wish I could see you..." Not what you wanted to talk about. Come on. Spit it out! "Uh... Will you maybe be able to take a weekend off or something soon? Maybe come and visit?"

Arven chuckles a bit. "I wish I could see you, too! But no, they're keeping me pretty busy here, but it's in the best way! I can't tell you how much I'm learning! The stuff I'm working on, it's beyond anything I've ever even imagined! Plus they're talking about maybe starting a new program, and they're going to need talent." 

Your heart contorts in your chest. He's having such a nice time...

"I'm...I'm so happy for you." You finally squeak out.

"Yeah!" Arven ends up going on a mini-rant about a bunch of new techniques he's learning, and your heart melts. You don't even realize tears are silently streaming down your cheeks until Arven interrupts himself with a "Shit! Sorry. I totally forgot about filming. I gotta go. Talk to you later!"

He hangs up before you can even say bye.

In the end, you force yourself to text him. You clearly can't break the news out loud, and he has to know. 

You wait until just after the work day ends, figuring that would be the ideal time to tell him, so he isn't at work, and he won't have to worry about it during a work day, and also you're not interrupting him in the middle of a nap or something, and he can call you to talk, since.....yeah he's probably going to want to talk.

Hey! I know this isn't ideal, and I really would have rather said it in person or over a face call or even just a regular call, but I think you need to know, and I'm having a really hard time verbalizing it to you. I'm sorry to do it this way, but it's better to say it now than not at all, right?

I'm pregnant, and it's yours.

I'm so, so, SO sorry! I promise I didn't mean for it to happen like this, and I'm not trying to like…baby trap you or something. I swear! You're my best friend in the whole world, and I'm so happy that you can go and live your dream in Kalos right now. But I just feel like you should know? Like you should have a say in what happens here? I'd love to talk to you. Do...do you want to do this? Because....well if you're willing I'd want to try this. With you. But I also know that you're living your dream right now, and I don't want to get in the way of that! I want you to be able to really embrace this new journey you're taking and learn and grow and do wonderful things! But I just wanted you to know, you know? Please don't hate me. Just give me a call when you have a minute, and we can figure this out. Okay?

You hit send and then wait.

It took nearly all of your bodily strength not to add "I love you" to the end of the message. You'd never said it out loud to each other before. Sure... You wanted to tons of times before now, but it just never happened, so it just didn't feel right to put it in a text first.

Yeah, telling someone you're pregnant with their kid via text also isn't really kosher, but you can only break so many rules at once.

You check your phone.

Nothing.

He may just be busy.

It's fine. You just need to be patient.

So you make yourself some food, play a bit with your pokemon. You think they can pick up on the change in you. Even Tinkaton seems a little less feral around you lately, which is kinda wild.

You cozy up to Skeledirge, running your fingers across his bony nose.

Still no reply. 

You turn your phone off and on again just to see if maybe that does something? Like it'll reboot your messages?

Nothing.

"Fuuuuuuck!" You groan, kicking your legs petulantly, startling Skeledirge off the sofa with you.

TV isn't much of a distraction, and neither is social media, really, but you try to watch a few videos, read a few articles. Hell, you even answer some work emails in an attempt to distract yourself from the silence of your phone.

You check it before you shower, and there's no response.

The warm water doesn't do anything to quell your nerves, and you're about ready to have a panic attack by the time you dash back to the phone, still in your towel, your hair dripping all over the floor, and there are no notifications waiting for you.

You try to calm yourself with some steadying breaths.

Who knows what might be happening? His phone might have died during the day! He may have accidentally left it at home! Maybe your message didn't even go through fully!

You sneak another peak at your messaging app to be sure, but...

Well, it... It actually looks like your message has been read.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

He's seen it.

Cool.

Just.

Just give him a minute to process it. He'll probably call or message you back as soon as he can.

Except he doesn't.

You fall asleep on the sofa that night, clutching your phone in one hand, waiting for any kind of acknowledgement from Arven.

Wakefulness takes you with a jolt, and you actually drop the device with the rotom inside narrowly preventing it from shattering on the floor.

It floats back up to you, and you open your messages again.

Except, now it's saying your message from last night is unread? But that couldn't be... You saw the read notification and even made a note of the time.

You try to call Arven. It's early enough that he shouldn't be at work yet.

The phone doesn't even ring before you hear an automated "We're sorry. The number you're trying to reach is no longer in service."

Did...did he block you? No. He wouldn't do that, would he?

That's...that's not like him at all, and you know it.

Right?

You restart your phone and try again, but it's the same thing.

Maybe...maybe he did block you.

You curl up a bit.

Something has to be wrong, right?

You'll give it a minute.

Eventually you give in and decide that the best way to contact Arven is going to have to be through the agency he's working with. Someone there can get you in touch, right? Like, at least get you some closure?

You wait until the Kalosian work day has started before you call, and when the line picks up, the voice on the other end is some peppy sounding woman. You introduce yourself and tell her you're trying to get in touch with Arven, that you're a friend from home.

She repeats your name back to you then says "...And you wanna talk to Arven..." She pauses on the other line. "Y'know, I don't think he's in yet this morning. Truth be told, and honestly, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you said you're a friend? Yeah… He seemed like he got some really bad news yesterday." Your heart clenches, but she keeps going like a stereotypical gossip. "Yeah. Real rough day for him, honestly. Don't know why. Seemed pretty frustrated."

"Frustrated?"

"Yeah, I dunno... I don't really get it either. He just accepted this great full time role in our upcoming program."

"Oh..." You think you remember him mentioning something about a program when you'd spoken last. So he got offered a full job? And took it without even talking to you?

"But anyway, you didn't hear that from me. So did you want me to take a message for you?"

"Uh...no thanks. Sorry. Thanks."

You hang up before she can say anything else, your hands shaking.

He... He really must have blocked you.

-

On the other side, the PR representative for Bonne Applintite hears the call end and smiles. Not too long later, Arven enters the building, hiking his bag a bit higher up onto his shoulder.

"Good morning," He greets cheerily. "Do you have my phone ready and updated with the latest apps and everything for the agency?"

"I sure do!" The woman replies with a saccharine grin, sliding his rotom phone over from across the desk. "Thanks for leaving it with me overnight. Everything should be all set to go. Did you...?" She drifts off, her manicured nails creeping forward along the marble surface, her tone leading.

"Think about the offer?" Arven finishes. "Uh... Yeah. I did. I just wanna check in with someone back home first, y'know? It just seems like kind of a big leap. Like... I'm honored really, and I'm so happy people like my content... I just wanna talk about it first."

The woman shrugs. "Whatever you say, Arvie. I just think this'd be a great opportunity for you."

"It is, but..." He smiles fondly, totally disregarding the nickname. "We'll see what happens I guess. By the way, did I happen to get any messages last night? There’s a girl back home, and–"

“You know what? I didn’t see anything.” She interrupts him, smiling too big and speaking too loudly through teeth that are just a little too white. “Seems like she may have forgotten to text you.”

“Weird.” He replies, already walking off, his eyes glued to the device as he searches it for your contact.

Hm. Looks like some of his data got deleted, your previous text chains included... No biggie though. Your name is still there in his contacts, and that's really all he cares about. He can't wait to tell you about this new opportunity! Sure, he's kinda nervous about it. He's only been here for barely 2 months, if that, but apparently he's got some major skill, and people really like him! It's...it's actually really reassuring and affirming to him.

Growing up, Paldea had just been a place where he lived. In Kalos, with all these people around him showing him all this love and stuff... It feels like a home. It feels kinda like how he feels with you. It's not the same of course, but... He just feels like he's blossoming or something. It's wonderful.

Maybe you'd like it here, too...

Except you don't.

The conversation goes horribly. Arven doesn't get it. You don't sound like you. You were dismissive of him in the most bizarre way, basically telling him that he can fuck off and do as he likes--that you're not interested in maintaining contact anymore. It hurts. Did you find someone else or something? Hell, he hadn't been gone that long, and isn't absence supposed to make the heart grow fonder or something? You won't even video chat or pick up the phone, even though you'd been the one who had just asked him to call not long ago. 

That evening he slumps against the foot of his bed, Mabosstiff at his side, snuffling his pockets.

Arven sighs. "Well, Bud... Guess it's just you and me again for a bit..." He takes out his phone and looks over the PDF of the contract that had been sent to him.

Two and a half years total, including his current apprenticeship...

Fuck it. He's enjoyed his time here so far. What's a bit more time?

Not like anyone's gonna miss him in Paldea anyway. He spent his life, basically until now, waiting for people there to love him. At least here he's got a fresh start with a leg up.

He sends over his eSignature on the document and texts the PR rep.

-hey! Just signed the thing. Looks like I'll be here for a bit after all.

Her response is almost instant.

-yayyyyy!!!! let's go grab drinks to celebrate!!!!!!

[f0point5]

whenever i hear about ocon's parents selling their house and living in a caravan (iirc) i just feel so bad for him. it really reminds me of all those traumatised child actors whose parents quit their job because the child can now be the breadwinner. obvs it's two complete opposite sides of the spectrum but both are such unfair sitautions to be put in as a child! esteban needing to succeed because otherwise his family would be broke forever?? (also i know that these decisions are often mentioned in a heart warming "oh look at how much my parents sacrificed for my dream" -way, but i find it so hard to look at it from a positive light. i'm sure they did it all out of love but i just can't imagine putting your child in such a tough position and putting that much pressure on them. i guess i just lack that top performance athlete mentality lol.) not to mention that most of these racing children hardly have a plan b career plan since they usually drop out of school. so now you have a kid who single handedly has to save the family from financial ruin AND has no safety net or plan b whatsoever. that's just insane and it's no wonder esteban is like that. he really has the ultimate rags to riches back story but his history gave him such a massive chip on his shoulder that he's just become unlikeable, which sucks!!! wish someone would grab his shoulders and shake him around a little and say: estieee!! youve made it!! stop driving like losing would full on kill you and just focus on getting the best out of the car and be the best you can be!! you'd think that someone with his backstory would be the last person who'd need to be humbled, but fucking hell he acts so smug and can be so delusional it's exhausting.

anyyyyways, apologies for dropping a full essay in your askbox, i don't even care about esteban lmao. it's just that whenever i do happen to think about him i just get so frustrated 🤷🏼‍♀️😬

have a lovely evening!! 💞

This.

I remember reading that once when I didn’t know too much about him and thinking, okay that’s a bit extreme. And then I thought about how much pressure that must have put on him. Pressure to succeed, but also just pressure in terms of that being not an ideal quality of life for a teenage boy. His parents made his life exponentially harder in every single way to support his hobby in the hopes that he could turn it into a career to support them. And then I thought about the fact that if he hadn’t been that 0.00001% that makes it, how much harder his life would have got, and how much guilt he would have lived with. They set him up to live with constant insecurity and instability, and to shoulder the burden of making that all worth it for them. Who does that to their child? I don’t care how talented you think they are, betting you’re financial security on that is imbecile behaviour. Even Esteban said if he were in his parents’ position he wouldn’t do it. Poor guy knows what it does to child.

It’s exactly like moving your kids to LA to be the breadwinner, except it’s worse because the amount of kids able to support a family on acting work is probably 10,000 times the the amount of drivers making enough money to support a family from driving alone. Statistically, there was a 0% chance that that gamble would pay off for them but they did it anyway. That’s worse odds than a slot machine. And they bet the house their son was living in?! Ew. Just ew.

And yeah, people say “look what my parents sacrificed for my dream” with affection when that dream has come true. But what would have happened if he hadn’t made it. “Look what my parents destroyed because they bet my future and theirs on my childhood hobby”. What in the damn hell. These stories are not in any way endearing to me - they’re just examples of narcissistic and irresponsible parenting.

And now I’ve just seen clips of a podcast he did talking about his childhood and I was almost tearing up for him. How he and his dad used to take tyres from the other kids’ karts out of the bins and reuse them because he didn’t have enough sets over a weekend, and how he didn’t go to birthday parties or on holiday because it was all focused on his racing. That’s a CHILD. And he was talking about how he and his dad would see Max and Jos and how everyone was intimidated by them but he and his dad weren’t…because they had literally bet their shirts on his career and couldn’t afford to be scared. That. Is. A. Child. What if he woke up one day and didn’t want to do it anymore? What if he wanted a life beyond what his parents chose for him by putting their lives on the line? Would he have been allowed to? I mean. No bloody words.

Again, anyone who says Jos is a problem father better be coming for the Ocons (and Anthony Hamilton).

The way he is is so clearly connected to the fact that he lived his whole life in survival mode. That guy moves through the world like the last meal he had was one he had to fight for in an abandoned warehouse. And fair enough it got him where he needed to go, but once you’ve made it, It’s the most unpalatable energy to be around, and it no longer serves you. And it also makes you look like an ass because how can you be a whole f1 driver and stink of desperation. Logically it’s clear why but it’s still just not a likeable combination. He probably knows that, but doesn’t know any other way to be. That’s why he has such an issue with teammates - he can’t not fight for things because he’s always scared someone is going to take something from him. He’s like a stray dog that you take in and they hide food in their bed because they think you might not ever feed them again.

I really hope he’s getting some therapy because the childhood is trauma-ing out in the open.

I think of everyone on the grid he’s the one I feel most sorry for, because of all the backstories that you hear, he seems the most unhealed.

But the levels of delulu is something else. That f3 season where he beat Max (racing for a top team while Max was in one that I don’t think had even won a race until Max won 10 in one season) really got him thinking they were on a level and he hasn’t let go of it since. He’s like “oh I look at it like I’ve never had the opportunity to go against Max because we’ve always been in different leagues of car”…as if there’s not a REASON. You’re out here like “he’s in a red bull” well why aren’t you? By your own admission you were on the same f3 track…helmut wasn’t looking for you bro.

Hope you don’t mind my essay back lol. I’m low-key obsessed with him because I find him so annoying but at the same time he’s like literary gold dust. He has such Main Character backstory. It’s just a pity he comes across so unlikeable to me. And the thing is, I genuinely think underneath it all he is a sweet person (delulu still, but sweet), but it just comes secondary to his survival mode personality.

[mental69er]

Hii. Could you write a Firecracker x Fem!supe!reader. If you'd want to you could just do whatever with this request or Firecracker recently joined the seven and, reader is already apart of the team and. Firecracker kind of develops an obsession with reader kind of like the one she has on Homelander but, she is in denial because yk homophobia "girls cant love girls!". I dont really know what else to add so 😔 (also sorry if this request is a bit of a yap session) (I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night even if you dont read or do this request!) (Also this is my first request so sorry if it sounds rude in any way.) (English isnt my first language so sorry for any errors in grammar!) (Sorry for the bother and !Remember to stay hydrated!)

I hope you have a good day/night as well! Here's some Firecracker and fem super reader!

Content: fem reader as a superhero, obsessive Firecracker, homophobic Firecracker because she's in denial, mild spice, Fireracker pinned to the wall

Firecracker couldn't stand her.

Her entire existance was an affront to God.

Firecracker had been over the moon when she'd first heard she was going to be part of the Seven. Joining the team had been a dream come true, especially for someone like her who'd come from next to nothing.

The joy of being one of the Seven quickly began to fade when she realized who her teammates were. Homelander, she could look up to, Noir and the Deep she could ignore, A-Train had long deserted, and she'd thought of Sage as a friend once before the supe had used her to become Starlight's punching bag,

But her.

The superhero known as Myght.

Everything about her infuriated Firecracker to the point that she was entirely too distracted. Myght's eyes were a soft golden brown, sparkling in the light. Her long black hair spilled down her shoulders in waves. She was so beautiful she was probably full of herself.

Her lips were full and pulled up in a cocky smirk as she sat during the meetings and imparted her opinions. Opinions she should have no right to, not when they contradicted Homelander's own.

Firecracker couldn't help but speak up during those meetings to defend their leader, earning skeptic or mildly irritated looks from Myght. Firecracker wanted to piss her off even more, as payback for the way that she couldn't stop thinking about her.

Firecracker could spend hours thinking about what Myght said in a meeting or during a mission. Thought about how awfully muscular she was. A woman shouldn't have biceps that size, or have abs, or thighs that could crush heads.

Firecracker thought about how on one mission Myght had carried Firecracker to safety in those arms and how ashamed Firecracker had been to be seen weakened like this, relying on someone she hated.

And she made sure Myght knew she hated her. She'd poke fun of her, making snippy comments, and try to take her glory during missions. Not to mention she shit talked her on her podcast and it was validating to see others chime in on their hatred of her. For the most part.

'Sounds like someone has a crush' was one of the comments on Firecracker's latest half hour rant. Firecracker immediately deleted the comment and blocked the user from ever seeing any of her videos, pulse thudding with anger.

How dare they fucking think that! Firecracker only dated men and was only interested in them. Rage pulsed through her as thoughts she tried to suppress fought to surface into her concious mind.

She decided to work them out by going to the gym in Vought tower and take them all out on the equipment there. Eventually, when her muscles were too sore, she was able to finally go back to her room and shower, trying to wash away the weird heat churning in her stomach as the comment replayed over and over in her head.

"I don't like her!" she screamed out in frustration to no one and punched through the tiled wall, before taking deep shuddering breaths to calm herself. She'd find herself doing this more frequently when multiple comments accusing her of being hot for Myght kept circulating around in her comment sections. She kept deleting and blocking but someone always said something about it.

As Firecracker's time on the Seven extended, so did her efforts to piss off Myght.

Myght barely gave Firecracker any thought and that only made Firecracker try harder to annoy her.

Eventually though, as it always did with supes, the taunting and teasing devolved into violence. Myght swung Firecracker into the wall after a particular meeting, hand to her throat holding tight, anger making her bare her teeth.

"Seriously, what issue do you have with me?" Myght had spat out, grinding words. Firecracker tried to pry the hands off of her throat, but the grip was tight. Bits of plaster crumbled around her as she struggled to free herself.

"What have I done to warrant this behavior?"

"You existing is bad enough," Firecracker grit out, trying to catch her breath. Their faces were close together and she couldn't help the way her eyes flicked down to Myght's lips. Firecracker had never realized that Myght smelled this sweet, her perfume wafting over into Firecracker's nose.

"I think you want my attention," Myght said and Firecracker laughed.

"I want you gone. Don't flatter yourself," she said, pulling her lips back to show how unaffected she was.

"Really?" Myght asked, huffing. She stepped in, til their bodies were touching. Firecracker could feel the warmth of her against her chest, feel the shape of her breasts and muscles, and her heart rate slammed up.

Her eyelids fluttered as all those annoying comments about having a crush on Myght surfaced through her mind. At all the countless hours she had spent watching footage of Myght's rescues and trainings in an effort to better understand her enemy leading to Firecracker's costume feeling uncomfortably tight.

Just like it did now, the material sticking to too hot and too tight skin.

Firecracker had wondered, against her better wishes, what it would be like to be held in those strong arms again. What it would feel like to have that body pinning her down.

"Really," Firecracker said, voice sounding too breathy.

"Are you sure about that?" Myght began slipping a leg in between Firecracker's own and Firecracker's eyes flared in panic. "Because I've seen the way you talk about me on that little show of yours. And I've seen the comments they post about us."

"You're delusional if you think I feel that way about you," Fireracker spat out even as her body tensed when Myght's thigh slotted perfectly in between her own. Fireracker had to tamp down on the ridicolous and curious urge to buck right into it.

Myght merely smirked, thumb pressing down hard over Firecracker's pulse. "We'll see about that." She stepped back and let go and Firecracker nearly fell over, legs feeling strangely weak. She rubbed a hand up and down her throat.

"Things would be a lot better if you stopped being so cruel towards me and your own self," Myght offered softly.

"Fuck off," Firecracker growled out. "You disgusting leech. I'm letting every single one of my fans know what you did today during my podcast."

"Go ahead," Myght smirked and walked off.

Firecracker mumbled a few choice words under her breath about her. She would show her! When she turned to go to her room, she became aware of the uncomfortable wetness between her thighs.

Shit.

She really didn't want to think about why that was.

And when she finished ranting on her podcast about what Myght had done to her, vindicated by the many comments agreeing with her, her feelings of arousal had not gone away. Only intensifying when she had recounted them live for her audience.

As usual, there were a few comments that continued to ship her and Myght.

'Them fucking against the wall would have been so hot. Firecracker submitting to Myght, riding her thigh until she comes all over it' followed by thirsty emojis.

That only filled Firecracker's mind with images she didn't need, images that made her hand crawl mindlessly to the front of her shorts, rubbing down as she continued to read the reply thread.

'Do you see how ripped Myght is? She could probably get Firecracker off by rubbing Firecracker's cunts against her abs'.

Firecracker stifled a whimper at the thought of that, hand rubbing harder while her hand holding her phone began to shake from effort of holding back.

'Firecracker wants to be fucked so bad by Myght. Pinned under her and taken.'

"I don't," she defended breathlessly, hips beginning to cant up. Frustrated tears leaked from her eyes as she forced herself to pull her hand away before she could orgasm. Shaking with anger and want, she tore away from the chair, tossing her phone to the side and went to the shower.

She turned the water on cold and let it run over her until her body had calmed down.

She needed to get rid of that demon woman. Only then would she be able to stop feeling this way.

[johannestevans]

Pirate Media Recommendations

Along with Ryann Fletcher, Kate Heartfield, Juliet Kemp, and F.D. Lee, I'm going to be on the Queer Pirates panel at 3pm this Friday at EasterCon 2023!

Our Flag Means Death and other pirates: a panel discussion including fandom and canon of Our Flag Means Death and other series such as Black Sails. This item will start around 15 minutes after advertised start time to minimise clash with the Opening Ceremony.

You can still sign up for virtual membership of EasterCon here if you'd like to attend online, as there are going to be a great many panels and discussions throughout the con, which are gonna be great.

Coming up to the panel, I thought I'd make a list of some of my favourite pirate and nautical media to point people to, as I'm probably going to mention a bunch of it on the panel and this is a particularly fierce interest of mine!

So for Our Flag Means Death, we know that it's an interpretation of the historical relationship between Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet as a romance - two other famously queer pirates were of course Anne Bonny and Mary/Mark Read. I'm personally super excited to see if these figures will feature in Our Flag Means Death S2.

Podcast Episodes & Videos:

Ching Shih: The Pirate Queen, from Puppet History

The True Story of a Pirate Queen, from Ruining History

A History of Gay Pirates with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast -

Sailing Through Queer Pirate History with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast

Pirate Queens with Rebecca Simon, on the PRIDE Podcast

Were Some Pirates Poofters?, from the History is Gay Podcast - Going through Anne Bonny, Mary Read, Calico Jack, and Pierre Bouspet.

Queerness in the Golden Age of Piracy, from Queer as Fact

Books & Essays:

FICTION: The Aubrey-Maturin Series, by Patrick O'Brian - The Aubreyad is not about pirates, but is a nautical-historical series of 20 books set in the 1800s. I love these books a lot, they're ridiculous and very homoerotic with a lot of background gay dynamics - you can absolutely infer a romance between Captain Jack Aubrey, a hot slab of beef, and his doctor, Stephen Maturin. They're funny and they're rich with nautical descriptions, really immersing you into the language and feel of the period and the sensation of being on these vessels. While I'm not holding these books up as a bastion of queerness compared to other texts, Maturin is a fervent abolitionist and despite being a member of Aubrey's crew is actually vehemently anti-colonialist in his views, and those discussions do play out on paper again and again. Because of their realism these books do kind of poke a hole in the naval officers being held up as inherently noble or honourable, and particularly regularly criticises the actions and ideas of the state.

FICTION: J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan - I love Peter Pan, and obviously I talk and blog about it a lot. What's particularly dear to my heart is the relationship between Hook and Smee, which is such an intimate marriage even though it's not explicitly described as such, and it makes me very emotional. This book was written at the beginning of the 20th century, and I do want to warn anyone before going in about the racism inherent - the text treats the existence of the Natives to Neverland as part of an "adventure", and there's also anti-Black racism toward many of Hook's crew, as well as the description of Hook himself as "swarthy" despite being a white Etonian. Peter Pan is a story about working class white children in London whose parents has dreams of them ascending to middle class, and the children's fears of growing up are heavily influenced by economic anxiety, but also they desire a return to a time when as young white kids "adventure" would have been more accessible to them, as is typical in the classic adventure novel.

FICTION: Peter Darling, by Austin Chant - The Lost Boys say that Peter Pan went back to England because of Wendy Darling, but Wendy is just an old life he left behind. Neverland is his real home. So when Peter returns to it after ten years in the real world, he’s surprised to find a Neverland that no longer seems to need him. The only person who truly missed Peter is Captain James Hook, who is delighted to have his old rival back. The oft-recommended trans man!Peter Pan/Hook romance novel. Please don't talk to me about this one as I haven't and can't read it for some personal trigger readings, but it's recommended all over and is well-loved for a reason!

FICTION: Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island - Treasure Island is of course, one of the archetypal adventure novels. What a lot of people might not know is that the TV series Black Sails is a prequel to Treasure Island! If you enjoyed Our Flag Means Death, you might be delighted to realise that the real life pirate Israel Hands features in Treasure Island, and fights with Jim Hawkins, the protagonist.

NON-FICTION: Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition: English Sea Rovers in the Seventeenth-Century Caribbean, by B.R. Burg - In Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition, historian B. R. Burg investigates the social and sexual world of these sea rovers, a tightly bound brotherhood of men engaged in almost constant warfare. What, he asks, did these men, often on the high seas for years at a time, do for sexual fulfillment? Buccaneer sexuality differed widely from that of other all- male institutions such as prisons, for it existed not within a regimented structure of rule, regulations, and oppressive supervision, but instead operated in a society in which widespread toleration of homosexuality was the norm and conditions encouraged its practice.

ESSAY: Our Flag Means Death and Queer Utopias at Sea, an essay by Seth LeJacq

TV Series:

Our Flag Means Death - Of course, duh! Our Flag Means Death, a queer romcom interpreting the historical relationship between Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, and Edward Teach, Blackbeard, as a romance.

Black Sails - A "gritty" and brutal prequel to RL Stevenson's Treasure Island, exploring the tales of Long John Silver and how he came to be what he ultimately is in Treasure Island. There is a lot of gay shit in this and it's extremely anti-imperial in its outlook - with that said, I'm personally not a great fan of Black Sails to watch, for me personally it's either too upsetting or too dull to stick with, oscillating between the two extremes. If you haven't tried it and do want to, I do recommend sticking through at least the first season and seeing if you get into it! With that said, it's got particularly brutal onscreen treatment of its WOC, especially Max, a Black woman who is violently raped onscreen (as well as onscreen abuses of other women), and I would recommend treading with caution if this is something that will be difficult to watch.

Neverland - This miniseries is near and dear to my heart - it's not huge on the pirates, but it actually has Bob Hoskins reprising his 1991 role as Smee, and I find it to be an interesting and quite different exploration of the Peter Pan prequel that really explores class some. More importantly, it actually has Natives playing Natives, and features Q'orianka Kilcher as Aaya!

Movies:

Love, Death, & Robots: Bad Travelling (2022) - This is a short film that's part of the LD&R series, and it's really good nautical horror. That's all there is to it.

Master and Commander (2003) - Taika Waititi said this movie is his favourite romance movie, and he's so fucking right. Anyway, this movie is based off the first five of Patrick O'Brian's Aubreyad, and it's so loving and so gay.

Treasure Planet (2002) - There are so many adaptations of Treasure Island, but this is my favourite every single time, it's just so well-done, it's so full of care, it really captures the wonder and excitement of sailing and the sense of freedom, and honestly? Jim Hawkins is sooooo transmasculine, he even has an ugly shitty mullet haircut and a little gold earring, he is the blueprint, he is perfect. If piracy in space tickles your fancy, I also might recommend Space Pirate Captain Harlock (2013).

Pirates of the Carribean: The Black Pearl (2003), Dead Man's Chest (2006), and At World's End (2007) - Listen. Are there technically other POTC movies? Yes. Should you watch them? Oh, fuck no. I have seen On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales/Salazar's Revenge and let me tell you: you do not have to, you do not need to, and you do not want to. On Stranger Tides tried to tell me that Hector Barbossa fell in love with a woman. My man. Hector Barbossa. A woman!? Please! Anyway, I grew up on these movies and unfortunately they are overwhelmingly and unrealistically white - there are some really cool characters of colour and I especially love Tia Dalma. Remember not to watch these movies legally, by the way - watch them on an old cheap DVD or do some piracy yourself. Fuck Johnny Depp.

The Pirates of Penzance (1983) - This is an adaptation of the Gilbert and Sullivan opera, and it is so over the top, so ridiculous, so much fucking fun. Kevin Kline has some of the sexiest fits in this movie and so much thick, thatched chest hair, and the music is good, many of the jokes still land, and it's just fun.

Peter Pan (2003) - Don't watch the Disney Peter Pan. Never watch it, it's garbage, it's ugly, it invented a bunch of anti-Native racism that isn't in the already racist original text, and you know, fuck Disney. Is the 2003 Peter Pan perfect? No. But is it better? Yes. Jason Isaacs is so hot as Hook, and while I am not the biggest fan of PJ Hogan's take on the book that's all about Wendy wanting to fuck her own dad on top of cutting the Hook/Smee dynamic back significantly, the Neverland aesthetics and the silly piratical ones are a lot of fun.

Hook (1991) - Spielberg's sequel to Peter Pan is glorious for one reason and one reason only: Dustin Hoffman and Bob Hoskins were like, "hey, these two dudes are married. They're old queens in love!" and they played it like that, and they were so fucking right. Hoffman's Hook is so queer and so effete and so incredibly mentally ill and he is the biggest mood throughout, as is Smee trying to keep them both alive. I adore this movie to death, I really do.

Down Periscope (1996) - Okay. So. This movie is a little bit different. It's not set in the Golden Age of Piracy or even just after it - it's set in the 1990s, and is about a Yank Naval Captain doing wargames with other members of the navy. With that said, it's got a lot of pirate hijinks and a lot of found family dynamics with a lot of freaks and neurodivergents packing the crew - note that there's some misogynistic harassment in this for the only female crew member, but she's one of my favourite characters and she's so much fun, much like the rest of the crew. Listen. The captain has a tattoo on his dick. They all dress up as pirates while making one of their crew members walk the plank. Their ending credits feature the cast dancing and singing along with the Village People, to the iconic gay anthem, In The Navy. It's good, I swear.

And I've tried a bunch of pirate videogames, but none of them has measured up to Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag. Unfortunately, this game is an Assassin's Creed game and all the AC plot stuff sucks, because that's what AC games are for.

When it's not doing their terrible meta plot in the "real world", though, this game has such excellent gameplay, it's great fun, and the soundtrack is tremendous. Even if you don't play the game, absolutely consider giving the sound track a listen, because it's just great!

An old album I would recommend is also the Robert Shaw Chorale Sea Shanties one! It's from 1960, and they do some really fun arrangements of different sea shanties - their Drunken Sailor is one of my absolute favourites!

If you'd like to see a different take on the sea shanties and would still love some more space piracy, I would also recommend Once Upon A Time (in Space), by the Mechanisms!

My Stuff

And separate to the general rec list above, here's some of my work that's relevant to my takes on queer pirates, and why I'm on the panel:

Communicating Want, by me, DictionaryWrites - 75k, rated E, Frenchie/Izzy. Izzy's just so buttoned-up, how is Lucius supposed to resist the urge to seduce him? It doesn't go well. Just a silly thing exploring sexual trauma and stuff with Izzy Hands! Love that bitch.

Our Flag Means Death S01 E01: Close Textual Analysis — Examining OFMD E1: Pilot in close detail and liveblogging/analysing the text. On Medium / / On Patreon.

Gerald Poole and the Pirates - A distinctly queer adventure full of internal conflict ensues when a gentleman and a sailor are captured by pirates. Read on Medium: Part I / / Part II / / Part III / / Part IV / / Buy as an eBook on SmashWords, $2.99 / Buy as an eBook from Amazon.

The Coffin at Sea — 400w. A vessel picks up a coffin afloat at sea. On Medium / / On Patreon.

The Pirate Accountant — 4.5k, rated M, MB. A quartermaster works up the nerve to finally mount a seduction on their accountant. Dark humour and biting banter throughout, between an exceedingly cautious and paranoid accountant and the quartermaster who’s finally worked up the courage to ask him out. On Medium / / On Patreon.

Saint Jude’s Kitchen — 20k, Rated M, MB. After an injury stops him working, a failing deckhand gets a new lease on life. Themes around cooking and nurturing, identity and sense of self, and complex family dynamics. Adapted from a TweetFic. On Medium / / On Patreon.

[rom-e-o]

Bittersweet headcannon 🥺

Strawberry Sunrise takes their podcast to a children's hospital for a little girl named Tilly. She's a Make a Wish kid and her number one wish is to hang out with Strawberry Sunrise for a day and make a podcast with them. Well they do that, but afterwards, after hearing Tilly only has a year at most to live, most likely less, and it's just her and her mom who is struggling not just with her dying child, but also through poverty, the girls, hubbies, and Pack join forces to.make this family's life easier and to make Tilly's last months the best ever. Pippersnipe gives them the cottage (by this point I see the girls having all moved out with their boys) and the Twins help Mom go back to school to get her degree and promise to help her find a job afterwards. The pair is immediately enveloped into the Pack as beloved members. The girls spend most days with Tilly, making as many of her wildest dreams come true as they can. Mom isn't forgotten either--she is spoiled as well, mostly by FeFe and TeTe who are the only ones who can refuse her refusals without coming off as patronizing. Tilly is "adopted" as Bess and Connie's little sister and because her birthday falls almost exactly in between theirs, the call her "Twilight".

Sadly, Tilly does succumb to her illness. It's a sad day, but a day filled with love and family nevertheless. Mom gets to keep the cottage--it's hers. Paid for and everything. She remains a beloved member of the Pack. And Tilly forever holds a special place in their hearts and is never forgotten.

THIS IS SO SAD, but also so sweet and sentimental. it feel like a very fitting story for a Dickens-inspired universe.

For that year, Tilly gets all the love and attention, and I love TeTe and FeFe being the ones that tend to the mother feels so appropriate while Connie and Bess make their little Twilight feel so loved and adored.

"C-Can we go to a theme park sometime? I've never been before."

"Aw, of course! Oh, we can rent you one of the park scooters too! So you can zoom around as much as you want!"

"Wow! R-Really?"

AND THE MOM KEEPING THE COTTAGE, STOP, I'M GONNA CRY IRL TEAAAARS. I filled with photographs and memories from the years, and she gets to stay there and be surrounded by Tilly's love, even after her passing. TT

She's checked in on VERY often, and of course, in invited to all the Pack gatherings and events. A spot is always saved for Tilly. <3

[goblininawig]

Part 5 of 7 @endlesshistoriesfest

The Children's Crusade (or When Destruction Began to Question His Function)

Destruction of the Endless confronts Nicholas of Cologne about his Children's Crusade, in a vain attempt to stop him.

Rated T | 670 Words | A03 | Masterpost

While there are two events in history that are both called the Children’s Crusade, this story deals with the one that started in Cologne, Germany in 1212 by Nicholas of Cologne. This was not a church-sanctioned crusade, but a spontaneous youth-led movement. My information came from the Encyclopedia Britannica, and The History of Cologne podcast.

Destruction's fit is a pastiche of Middle Ages German clothing, because I really wanted to give him this fanny pack/sword combo that the fellow in blue is modeling.

“Grüß Gott,” Destruction said, greeting the young man formally. “I have heard of you, Nicholas of Cologne. Might I offer you some repast?”

“Thank you, sir,” Nicholas replied, looking up at the tall, red-haired stranger.

From where the young man sat at his evening campfire, the lordly man seemed huge as a hazel tree. His bright carmine mantle and yellow tunic with swooping bell sleeves bespoke a wealthy man. The sword belted at his side showed his familiarity with war. Perhaps he’d come to pledge himself to the cause, as many others had done before him.

Destruction settled himself across the fire and produced a loaf of bread and a joint of lamb. He offered them both to Nicholas, who accepted, hungrily. Leading a crusade was a glorious responsibility, but a hungry one.

Destruction looked over him, at the ragged encampment beyond, where other fires sheltered the children, women, and young men who had all taken Crusader’s vows to Nicholas to the Holy Land. He let Nicholas eat his fill and quench his thirst with a waterskin before he began to question him.

“You have gathered quite a following. What is it you’ve been saying to make them join you?”

“Merely the truth of what I have experienced.”

“And what is that?”

Nicholas smiled, his face grew beatific in the firelight. He had been telling this story since receiving his vision, and the words now came easily as breathing.“Such a dream I had: Jesus Christ himself showed me a vision of the True Cross.”

“A dream?” Destruction scoffed. “You base this all on a dream ?”

“Indeed I do. In my vision, the cross was shaped just so,” he added, patting the Tau-shaped cross that had become his emblem. It was about the length of a knightly sword, crafted from beechwood. “And I knew that I was meant to find it in the Holy Land, and bring it back again. Not with violence, but with purity of vision.”

“And can your purity of vision provide food and shelter for all the people following you?”

“They felt the calling, same as I. We are all willing to sacrifice for the cause.”

“What cause ?” the stranger growled. “You are merely stealing people away from learning a craft and building their fortunes. There is nothing to your dream but a fantasy .”

When Nicholas did not react, he pressed on.

“How do you expect they will react when you reach the sea and have no boats for them to cross it?”

“The Lord will part the seas for me, as he did for Moses,” Nicholas responded peacefully. “All will see that this is his divine will.”

The burly stranger looked beyond Nicholas to the campfires of his followers. His face darkened. “You will lead these people to their death.”

Nicholas looked at him pityingly, but said nothing.

Destruction stood, strode back and forth, mumbling to himself. When he finally stopped again, he held out a purse of money. It was full of silver bracteates.

“This is yours, if you turn back, and lead these young people home again.”

For the first time, Nicholas lost his warm demeanor. A scowl crossed his otherwise charming face. “I see you truly now, demon ,” he stated calmly. “Get thee hence! You shall deter me from my quest, for Christ himself has chosen me.”

“But he hasn’t, you dalcop! You’ve made it all up, and these poor sods will pay the consequences!”

Nicholas took up his cross and thrust it towards the red-haired stranger.

“I say, begone, foul fiend!”

Growling with frustration, Destruction left the circle of firelight and strode off into the darkness.

He had instigated one religiously-motivated conflict in 1096, and it never seemed to end. The humans had taken the idea and run wild. And now this Nicholas had weak, unprotected young people following paths that had led fully-armored warriors to their own ruination. Destruction did not know what to think. He only knew that the world was changing, in ways that he could not fathom.

A/N: Bracteates are archaic German coins that began to be used around 1130

Dalcop is an archaic word for “dull head”

[hezuart]

Now that all Chapters for The Sounds of Nightmares have come out, what do you think of it, the characters, the new lore it has given the series & how has this changed some of your views on the characters & world?

It's a cute story, an alternate take on the overall series, but I don't consider it canon to the LN series. The lore from the podcast suggests that real children from the real world are teleported to this strange scary place in their dreams like an Alice in Wonderland situation, which explains their nightmares or why they seem to "wake up" because they are "teleporting" in or something. But that's not the case for the video game series. The game series is a time loop. Characters "wake up" from a "nightmare" because they are receiving premonitions of their death or a future event. (That also might explain why the Lady has a portrait of Six. Because she's dreamed of her own demise at the hands of that child.) (It's also suggested that the adults' grotesque appearances are due to the Tower's influence in the city, and any weird faces they have are actually masks built by the Doctor to cover their dignity.)

I'm also a little confused with the ending, where Noone/Ruth wants to leave, she wants to go to this place because she doesn't have her "water sickness" or "tumor" anymore, but like... the amount of suffering and horror she has been subjected to in that world in comparison to what little Otto has put her through I don't think is something that can even remotely be compared. It's implied the Ferryman manipulated her to lure her to that world, but it's a poor manipulation on his part. The fact that she went along with it is also silly to me. She is a child, but a smart one for her age. She witnessed kids being tortured and killed in the Nowhere. I think Otto being mean to you and plugging you into an annoying machine that gives you headaches is a way better deal here. (Though Otto implied to have drugged her is messed up) The Ferryman was a scrapped character from LN1 who would take children from the mainland and deliver them to the Maw, insinuating he was hired by the Lady. Instead, now he's a Ferryman to overall dimensions who transfers children there for unknown reasons. (It's maybe implied there are several different dimensions in the "nowhere" too.) It's also hinted that Otto's sister Sisi wore a yellow raincoat, which many would mistake for Six (on top of her name), but Six didn't get a raincoat until later, leaving Five/Girl in the Raincoat to be nominated for being his actual sister. But this world also implies that children only teleport there when they are sleeping, so typically they'd be wearing pajama attire when they enter the Nowhere. Long story short, I think this whole "yellow raincoat" thing with Sisi is just an easter egg they threw in there without thinking about it; because either way, a tie-in to an already-known character doesn't make sense. Noone/Ruth also claimed that the Nomes were creatures that "belonged in that world" but that's not true, as in canon, Nomes originate from presumably one source: the Lady, who turns children into Nomes to presumably steal their youth from them. In the podcast, that would mean the Nomes were children converted to be part of the world, but truly they don't originate from it like Noone implies. Little Nightmares is a series about the supernatural. A horror meta-commentary on corruption and greed. The Podcast coming in and being all "Actually it's just Alice in Wonderland" instead of it being its own natural, strange world just doesn't sit right with me. So really overall, I don't see it changing my mind on how LN works. I don't know if this will tie into LN3, but the developers are different so you can consider it a new canon if they do change things that don't match up.