#doing hange tmrw!!!
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Do not underestimate me, Warden Wrath, for I am Luz, the human, warrior of peace. Now eat this, sucker!
photo creds: @lowkeyspiderman
#cosplay#my face#luz noceda#momocon 2024#toh#the owl house#having sarah nicole robles see my cosplay is truly the highlight of all time#and having dana sign my palisman 😭😭😭#hoping to pull off a titan luz soon 🤞🏼#doing hange tmrw!!!
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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giffing so much my wrist hurts :^)
#aiming to do 30 gifs for tmrw's set but we'll see how it goes sdfkj#i need to hang up the do it for her simpsons pic but its lino
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hey look it's niven but traditional art. colors are a bit off
drew this like a week or two ago? forgot to post it. got more art comin tomorrow B)
oh yeah first time attempting digitigrade legs. don't think they show all that much with this pose :/
#bumblevoid art#ratchet and clank#art#original art#furry art#ratchet and clank oc#lombax#lombax oc#traditional art#artists on tumblr#sfw furry#furry oc#furry#uhhhhh yep. yeah. niven.#wanted a niven to hang in my dorm what can i say#but uh yeah art of my persona who has yet to be on the internet tomorrow for le birthday#oh yeah also currently doing final edits of denial & disguises chap 1! so thatll be up today or tmrw
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i won’t screenshot the dms bc i don’t feel like opening the latest message but EYE posted on my story abt the tiktok pictured below basically about how i got horny thinking abt someone working through a difficult math problem lol don’t worry abt that anyway sam slides up bc i cut part of it out so as to avoid insta censors and my slight embarrassment lol and was like does that say c*m and i was like well yes and then he was like haha what you’re into math… girl u have to walk w the thought process 😑 which i know you’re incapable of anyway so i vaguely responded like ah yeah what being away from stem for so long will do to u and he responds with like ten messages. including. ‘you gotta do it yourself’ that’s not the point 🙄 ‘you know how i’m terrible at talking to women’ wow really ‘so i realized i can calculate the speed of cum’ ‘bc i have some data’ DID I ASK?????!???!?!!!?!!!!! hello there’s oversharing and then there’s this… does the girl you’re having sex with know you share to this extent. and then he said how he accidentally brought this up to someone irl to be like haha awk whoops and i was like yeah well there r times where perhaps we need to self censor. and then i also get a message that’s like ‘hang on im doing the math’ IM NEVER EVER EVER GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO U I HOPE U KNOW THAT SCREAAMMMMM (and u need to know bc he’s genderfluid. im only using one set of pronouns for clarity on here ok i promise im not a dick. but he thinks he’s like. an exception for lesbians basically… like he doesn’t Count…. and like look im no essentialist im all for like freaky gender sex but also at so many other turns you do take advantage of being seen as a white male so. i don’t. yeah.) he’s kind of like the creepy dude at the edge of the friend group in high school named matt who would constantly harass me and my ex but like tried to be so lowk abt it. and it’s so bad basically. ‘17mph is crazy’ i hope you fall in an intersection sorry i can’t do this anymore 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 so pissed i have to see him tmrw i should be able to watch mmxxl w scully in peace
#like. WHAT possesses a person to say all this#it’s not like i’ve never talked abt sex stuff w sam or friends i mean look at my major and shit we’re watching we’re all adults here#but like HUUUUHHHHH???? on my silly little story about wanting to watch someone do calc or some shit… shut up…#it’s actually insufferable and i need u all to know. it has not always been to#like. this egregiously bad. certainly there are some flags i missed over time even when we first met maybe but he was significantly#more chill last year.. at least as far as i interacted w him. this is like. yeah idk#and just any time we’re together in person now he launches into whatever is on his mind or he’s up to at that moment what happened to hello#how are you etc. not that i can even like stand conversation esp like. dude we haven’t talked since the day we recorded the podcast#assignment which was also egregious. why would you start off like this. hello#abby talks#i hope his other roommate like beats him up or something. wont happen but well#AND more importantly. do i wear a mini skirt tmrw if i’m seeing roommate#we’re supposed to but we were also hoping to hang outside and now it’s gonna rainnnn but we’ll see#i don’t usually go for a cunty little fit on a monday. but i could. AND i get to go to class a half hour late
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y'all who actually have partners,, what is a text ice breaker to start conversation? im really bad at it 😭
it feels important to note that when we do talk, the conversation flows great we have a nice rapport and complimentary senses of humors it's just starting the conversation that is the problem i think we are both just painfully shy 😔 (and maybe traumatized .)
#all my friends have offered is 'send a meme' which just gets me a heart react which is nice and all but i wanna SPEAK TO THEM.#and ive also done ~little random updates of my day~ which also works but on my days off i dont DO anything so i cant be like .#hey i rotted in bed all day what did you do#i feel like he's interested but shy ?? i guess ?? or maybe unsure if i feel the same way so he doesnt rly initiate#he did the other day just send me a photo of him working as a little life update which i took as a good sign :) and it sparked a short conv#i just dont know what to talk about or rather i wanna talk about literally everything but i dont wanna be annoyingggg#i dont know whats annoying and what isnt i guess is the main issue#he just got back from a 2 week work trip thing like working nonstop and normally we'd both be free tuesdays (tmrw) but since he JUST got#back today i figured it would be rude and/or seem desperate or clingy of me to ask if he wanted to hang this week#am i just crazy ?? oftentimes yes#it's also 10pm on a monday so i couldnt ask now anyway BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO JUST TALK#BUT I DONT WANNA BE ANNOYING all ive ever done in the past is annoy ppl or come off too 'weird' by just trying to get to know them#AND I DONT WANNA MESS UP THIS TIME CAUSE I THINK I DO GENUINELY LIKE THIS GUY IVE JUST NEVER BEEN IN THIS POSITIONNNNN#ITS NEVER FELT REAL#OK BYE
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why does the blob exist if they're not gonna do anything with it. if we're GONNA completely fuck up the ending of ffps can we at least have some fun with it. i want a confrontation between them and michael where they're just like oh hey puppet boy how's it been since the last fire you and the old man fucked up
#my security breach verse philosophy is 'well if they're gonna let everything else survive the fire i might as well let michael be there too'#i think it would be funny#hey puppet boy. flesh suit. meat encasing. body costume. etc.#⁂ ・゚: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc#have thoughts too eepy to do anything about them. that and i'm getting up earlier than usual to hang out with friends tmrw
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How do i even fucking answer that. Genuinely. Do i even answer that. I dont really think ic are that much anymore
#shes not really all that#I can just cancel on her tbh#Because like. Literally whats the point#Ok we can hang out sure whatever sure I dont care though? I dont#that's not why i was interested. Like she seems great to be clear and i do love talking to her#but like. Im not even like. A complete person.#Its ok. Im going to just ride out today and tmrw i will probably be logical even though I think i just am going to delte the app#bc Whats the fucking point !#Yeah lets friendly style go to a flea market. Fucking sure. On the dating app. Sure.#and everyone is like that sucks but you know that its good she told you - Yeah but i didnt want to fucking know that#Nobody gets how hard it is to always hear I want to fuck you from people you don't like and hear#I can't be with you because you won't fuck me. from people you do like#WHATEVER it seems like all my friends are having good days and I like did a thing and its not like any of this matters#Because ill cancel on her and that will give me more time to do something productive that day#And all this is good becausei can just get ahead on my fucking work#and instead of me being there my two friends who are dating can like cuddle and I just dont have to be involved at all#and she can just. Whatever. I don't really like her anyway#'lets be friends' in the context of something that isnt that is such an afterthought I understand that culturally.#Ik this is all really amatonormative and i realize im being a dick in that way. I do have more sensible opinions generally i assure u#but like. yeah man nobody will want to date me unless i fuck them. Awesome news. Should i just kill myself.#will mare ever actually have a truly requited relationship? despite having been in three? Stay tuned
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everybody cross ur fingers that my hair stylist will be in today long enough for me to get my haircut
#T ilyyyyyyyy I wanna hang out and gossip + ur the ONLY ONE i trust to do my mohawk now 😭#i need to do it Today bc i might work late tmrw and the place closes too early thurs/fri + then Saturday is the music fest#So.#if nothing else I’ll just Go and then get T to fix it later skfhdhhdhd
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depression cancelled i cleaned up a small part of my room and also my bag
#logbook#i hsd tea bags in my bag without a baggie bc im an idiot and was walking around with spilled tea in said bag for a month#i have spent all weekend in a depressive haze im so tired and sick. and this week is going to SUCK ass.#its fine everythings fine.#im debating if i want to go do laundry tonite or not. in the process i could pick up some food and things for the house up here.#and then not have to go down tmrw. . .sighs#also my plans to hang out wirh new friend were cancelled. he said he didnt make enough and had to work and was like 'oh yeah#we can hang out for an hour' and im like bro wont you need to get ready for work. like dw abt our hang out take care of yourself#and then we bonded over taking care of ourselves LOL#i think it worked out bc i ended up tsking 2 hrs to build a maybe hr max furniture and then napped for another 2 hours#i was so sick snd exhausted. this whole weekend has been like what if you are never not depressed. thanks man!#i forget how depressed i get at the end of summer going into fall everybodys so up there and im just waaaay down here#but i have managed to do some things. finally pulled myself out to bed. and ive also forced myself to eat so theres thst too.#jk also in case it wasn't obvious. depression still here
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I really should do more stuff today, it's only 3pm. but im SOOOO tireddddddd
#if I were in tokyo for longer it would be one thing#but its only the rest of today and tmrw#im hanging oit w/ a friend tomorrow which limits how long I can do oyher stuff (lolits stores)
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#for ref my dad is going out of town today n wont be back until tmrw evening so i’ll have the house to myself for a while. so i was thinking#of asking some ppl to hang out cuz i do get lonely. but also i have class later today from 6 to 9:30 pm n i wont get home until after 10#so im wondering if that time is too late for hangouts n i shld just wait until tmrw afternoon or smth to hang out. or if its fine#help a gal outttt
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#frank.txt#medical stuff still a pain in the ass but im just hanging out#sned me the motivation to get out of bed! bc jfc#but tmrw i should hopefully have energy to likw Do Things
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redyed my hair and i feel SO much more like myself :''''^)
#lore loops#i haven't had the spoons to do it esp in the last month or so :'^)#but i did it!!#i even dyed a lil chunk of my incredibly grown out bangs blonde i am very happy w it!!!#ive been walking around with three inch roots and brown mids and not quite black ends like 'its fine' asd;flkj#i feel restored#also just feels good to like... Take care of myself a lil#cancer season truly has taken her toll LOL#need to lay on diluc's chest and recharge for any number of weeks thank YOU!!#but freshly dyed hair a good plan for the weekend is always a plus!!#gonna dress cute tmrw get a coffee clean my apartment and have a chill hang with some friends#feels nice :'^)
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exhausted dot png
#i’m cishet neurotypical for the weekend right and i guess bc i was cishet half of the time just two short years ago i thought this would be#a lot easier than it is? like i underestimated how exhausting this would be#not to sound Like This but hanging with all of these protestants really is so different than the catholics. maybe bc i’ve been largely surro#unded by catholics so im well adapted to dealing with them lol idk.#it’s just. i accepted that the cousins wouldn’t accept me if they ever knew but my beloved beloved great aunt…..#my mom is so sure that she would accept me if she knew but i’ve been telling her i don’t know i don’t know now that she’s a protestant it’s#different…. and lo and behold every other fucking word out of her mouth is virulent shit#and idk what to do with it.#i love her too much to lose her over this (for now) but christ i nearly told her i was a dyke at lunch today just to get her to shut up abou#t trans people.#i have no desire for my family to ever know i’m genderqueer bc i don’t need them to know but eventually my aunt is going to need to know the#homosexuality and this trip has just emphasized how. man it’s gonna be shit isn’t it. no doubt to cling to anymore.#anyways i’m expected to go to baptist church tmrw morning and autism brain i kind of want to go just to see what it’s like but me brain i’m#just. so tired. and even if the transgenders don’t get brought up in the service i don’t think i want to go anyways.
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list of my grievances in the tags bc this has been the most miserable week ever and the only person i could conceivably complain to is also going through it
#starting strong with at least 2 midterms/papers due every fucking day except monday#moving on to daylight savings happening when i am already sleep deprived as fuck#and then university wide power and internet outage <3#also general malaise and sad vy the time we reach halfway through the week#fucking evil [redacted] midterm#where i study my ass of and flop so bad#in a truly unifixable way i fear#was supposed to be my fun class to goddammit#and its so fucking windy today which i actually hate#gale wind warnibg = cannot sit outside in the sun and forget abt wverything#THEN#i go to cafe for a pick me up and fi ish bibliography#and the internet will not connect no matter what i do#AND#friend is coming to visit me tmrw but its actually just to pic up an ikon pass and she isnt even gonna hang out for a bit#no fault of her own but#its annyoninh on top of all this :(#genuinly the grade thibg is fucking with me so much i had to have done TERRIBLY to go from a 100 to what i have noe#and i thought i did bad but like. not thag bad#anyways i simply want to curl up into a ball and ignore everything for a couple days but ! i cannot#bc paper due tonight and exam tmrw and then saturday i have to go see my brothers performance which#notmally would be rlly fun#but after this week i want to dissapear for a day#and then sunday rehearsal#and then wednesday midtemr again ! fuck me !!#and then friday quiz but at least its onlinr#and then stayrday holi then break which like fun but also means going home#and im already miserable#so not twlling anyone abt grade flop And generally being home = ultra misesable????#squish speaks
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