#dogs make me extremely jelly

[skankhunt44]

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Damn you Brisket Five

Barbie dolls:five hargreeves x gn! Reader

Word: 4.1k

Summary: you and five (also Diego) get into an argument and he leaves you in the subway to cool off ha makes you promise not to get in the train what happens next will shock you

Warnings: mentions of killing, set in s4 minus the cheating, you're in the wrong but are extremely hard headed and kinda mean to Five and Diego, you try to punch Diego, you're picked up by Luther, brisket Five is a flirty dick, you eat a sandwich that reminds you of your grandmas and I described a slight "memory" so it might not match with anything you've experienced, one or two sex jokes I think but I idk, it's unclear where you are in the plot but it's not all that important, one mention of vomiting and stomach uneasy, Five's a little jelly

Inspired by: this and this

You groaned, throwing your head back in frustration. Allison pointed at you in agreement, looking around your circle as you all argued.

“This is stupid; why can’t we go back in time and kill Jennifer? I’m sure she’s a sweet girl but we’re talking about the universe right now,” you said, looking around at the faces staring at you. Luther shook his head at you. Diego made a grimace, looking away from you entirely. Allison scrunched her nose. Lila flashed her teeth like an upset dog, staring down at her hands. Klaus snorted, somehow finding a joke in this. You look over at Five to find him pinching his brow.

“We are not doing that because that’s what the Commission would do. That’s not who we are.” Five said, agitation scaping at the sound of his words. You hummed.

”Well what’s your idea, genius?” You asked, getting tired of them pretending like they were picking out an ice cream flavor. Five looked up at you with furrowed brows.

“Don’t talk to me like that.” He said, rubbing his lips together like it left a sour taste in his mouth. You rolled your eyes at him, looking around the group. Viktor held his finger up.

“I have an idea.” Everyone's eyes turned to him. “What if I just absorb all the marigold into my body and then get absorbed by The Durango?” You shook your head.

“No absolutely not.” You said, staring at Viktor to make sure he felt the sincerity in your voice. Luther scoffed.

“So you’re down to kill Jennifer but not Viktor?” Diego said, crossing his arms over his chest. You reeled back, looking at him to see if that really came from his mouth.

“Are you for real?” Diego gave a short nod. “Man fuck you.” You said before lunging at him. Diego pulled back, shocked at your sudden movement. Luther pulled you away, flinging you over his shoulder. He took three steps away from Diego so you couldn’t reach him even if you wanted to. You smacked Luther on his back while trying to wiggle out of his arms.

“Five control your partner,” Diego muttered. It sparked a few mummers of disagreement. Klaus grimaced at Diego. Allison reached over and smacked the back of Diego's head while Viktor whispered an ew. Five scoffed.

“Luther, put me down. Let me at him.” You whispered to Luther. Luther patted the back of your calf.

“No can do; you’re staying up there until you calm down.” You sighed at Luther’s words, giving up on getting out of shoulder jail anytime soon.

“Guys, what if we just all sacrifice ourselves to the Durango thingie?” Klaus asked, earning a unanimous no. You slumped against Luther, wishing he would just put you down already.

"Luther, turn around so I’m facing the group, would you?” Luther nodded, turning around so his back was facing the circle. You pressed your arms into his back, holding yourself up so you could make eye contact.

“What if we go back to where we had dinner all those days ago, use Five’s funky train? We go back to before Ben did his shenanigans; stop him; we don’t have this problem anymore.” You said, looking around the group to gain their reactions. Viktor raised an eyebrow, looking at Allison. Allison bit into her knuckle, staring at the floor to think it over. Five squinted his eyes at you. Diego started whispering to Lila. Klaus looked over to Five.

“That’s a possibility,” Diego said. Five shrugged.

“If Lila mimicked my power, we could most definitely get you all down there.” Five muttered. Luther gently set you down, turning back around to face the group. You straightened your clothes. You stood next to Five instead of Luther, still upset he basically put you in time out.

“Is that our plan?” Viktor asked. The group murmured different versions of yes. You glared at Diego.

“We have to stop home first, we can’t miss dinner with my family,” Lila said, glancing at Diego. You nodded, following after the rest of the group. You stopped by Diego, glaring at him.

“I really wanted to deck you. Still do.” You whispered. Five appeared next to you, grabbing your shoulder and steering you away.

“Remember who drives you around!” Diego yelled after you as Five directed you out of the house. You watched as he pulled you away from the group heading to the van, off to the side. You squinted at him.

“Just because I supported your idea does not mean I’m not still upset with you.” Five said, keeping his tone low. You furrowed your eyebrows. You crossed your arms over your chest, glancing over at the van to see most of his family pressed to the window watching you two intently.

“Why are you upset?” You asked not understanding where this was coming from. Five sighed, reaching out towards you. His hands hovered over your elbows in an attempt to soothe you.

“It hurt me when you spoke to me like that. You were talking like we aren’t equals. I didn’t like that you suggested that we kill Jennifer. I didn’t like how you treated Diego back there. I understand you’re annoyed and frustrated, a little hard-headed, but I still think you should be respectful to the people around you.” Five said, holding up a finger after each item he listed. You pulled back.

“I’m sorry, aren’t you the man who is regularly calling people names, and making insults? You’re the sarcastic pain in the ass.” You pointed at him. Five glanced at Diego and Lila joining the others in the car, pausing your conversation-argument so they didn’t hear.

“That’s different. I’m not blatanly trying to punch them.” Five pointed at Diego in the car like he was worried you’d forget. You scoffed.

“Oh, that’s rich.” You muttered. Five flung his hands out.

“How, tell me. How.” Five asked, getting more and more annoyed.

“You’re acting like I’m the worst person ever to swing on someone but need I remind you of your past job?” Five’s face fell before pulling into a grimace. He pointed his finger at you.

“I told you I didn’t enjoy the killing. Need I also remind you that you worked there as well?” Five asked, raising an eyebrow at you. You felt your heart beat faster as your anger grew.

“I never picked up a gun, you dickhead. I did paperwork.” You said, leaning closer, so he could feel the anger vibrating off your body. Five scoffed.

“You’re acting like you’re so much better than me, you ordered who got killed. You didn’t pull the trigger but you aimed. You’re just as much of a lowlife as I am.” Five held his arms out in a T-pose like he was saying, ‘This is it.’ You uncrossed your arms, holding them out to your sides. Five turned his back to you, facing the sky instead.

“That’s not what I said; this is just like what happened on the Kanas case.” You said, pointing in the direction of the van even though you weren’t sure if Kansas was that way. Five spun back around towards you, his jaw slack.

“You did not just bring up Kansas.” Five said in disbelief, staring at you. You nodded.

“I brought up Kansas.”

“Oh my- You and I both know that was not my fault. I thought we were past this?” Five said, grimacing at you. You shook your head, throwing your hands up.

“You never apologized.” You said, rolling your eyes. Five scoffed.

“Why would I apologize? It. Wasn’t. My. Fault.” You shook your head at Five. He huffed, spinning around again. You scoffed at him.

“You did the same thing there; you were acting like I was a horrible person. You started the argument. You almost got us killed, how is that not your fault?” Five groaned.

“Hey.. uh... you guys coming or what?” You heard Viktor yell from the van’s window. You and Five’s heads spun towards the van.

“Not now.” You both yelled at the same time, making Viktor turn the handle on the door as fast as he could to roll up the window. You and Five watched in silence as Viktor tried harder and harder to go faster. By the time it was closed, you two had taken a few breaths. You felt less radioactive but still pissed. Five sighed, looking up at you from staring at the ground.

“I think we both need to cool down.” Five muttered, reaching out for your hand. You grumbled before dropping your hand in his. It was seconds before you felt the sickness that came with Five’s jumps. You pulled away from him, finding yourself in his stupid subway.

“Damnit, Five. You know I hate that. I going to hurl.” You doubled over, supporting yourself with your hands on your knees. You took deep breaths while staring at the floor. You shrugged off Five’s hand when he tried to comfort you with a light back rub. You stood up straight when you felt your stomach settle. Five let out a sigh of relief.

“We both need to cool off, separate from each other. An hour or two tops. You can stay here, break shit. I really don’t care just do not get on the train. Okay? You have to promise me you won’t get on the train.” Five said, staring at you. You glanced over at where the train would be. “promise?” Five added when you were silent.

“Yeah, I won’t go on the train.” Five nodded before he blinked out again. You sighed, slumping onto the bench nearby. Maybe you should break shit. That vending machine was looking a little appetizing right now. You looked up at the loud sounds of the train screeching into your station. The train doors slid open, showing the very inviting subway seats that definitely wouldn’t hurt at all. You glanced over at where Five was standing. He technically wasn’t here. He did say it would be a few hours before he got back. Nothing was really stopping you from going inside. You didn’t even say ‘I promise’. So, does it count? You stood up from the bench, stepped onto the train, and settled into the seat across from the door.

The train lurched forward, making you glance around. You expected the train ride to be very short, only a few minutes, but you couldn’t fully get a feel for how long it had been. You got bored after a while deciding to find something to climb on. After failing to hang upside down four times, you got bored of that too. You laid across the seats on your back, closing your eyes to take a nap. Then the train stopped. You peeked an eye open, glancing around for monsters before sitting up. You stared at the door as it slid open.

Then, what you least expected, you saw Five. In his suit too. He walked past the open door before stopping at the window next to it. He backpeddled, staring at you with a confused face. Just as you were about to defend your case, he started running. away. His fancy shoes clicked on the floor as he ran. You stood up, chasing after him.

“Hey, man. I know the argument was kinda rough, but it wasn’t that bad.” You yelled after him. Five glanced over his shoulder, picking up his pace. He skidded around the corner, almost tripping on the way. You reached the same corner after a few seconds, stopping in the middle of the hallway. In the middle of the subway station was a diner. ‘Max’s Delicatessen’ over the door in big bold letters.

You picked up your pace, walking to the door and swinging it open. You stepped inside, ignoring the bell on the door. You stopped when you saw what was inside. There was one Five, out of breath and leaning on one of the tables. Probably the one you chased. Then every other customer and worker here was Five. They all turned around, pausing what they were doing to stare harder. You held your breath before spinning back around for the door.

“Oh no. Stay. Please?” You heard Five’s voice. It had already said no to him. You turned back around, not sure which Five spoke to you. One of them stood up from his seat, almost knocking over his coffee.

“How did you get here without your Five?” The standing one asked. You pointed behind you.

“Train.” You heard a few Fives snort, which you thought was odd because FIve liked to pretend he hated your pain-in-the-ass-ness. The Five you chased after, turned around to face you.

“Where’s your Five? Did he die?” He asked. You heard the Five next to him mutter something about being gentle.

“No, well, not right now. He hasn’t. He’s probably pouting in the car right now.” You said, stepping further into the restaurant. A Five sitting in the booth closest to the door gestured for you to join him. You sat down in the booth, still looking around at all the Fives.

“Pouting?” the runner Five asked. You nodded.

“We go into a fight, a stupid one might I add. He told me to cool off here in the subway. So he’s probably pouting right now.” The closest Fives around you hummed.

“Did you bring up Kansas?” The Five across from you asked. You rolled your eyes.

“Listen, he was being all picky about how I had to talk to people while arguing over how we should stop the world from ending. It’s ridiculous.” The Five across from you sighed. He reached across the table, holding onto your hand. He stared into your eyes.

“I have really bad news for you, you were a little out of line. Most of us have had the same or similar argument, and every version of you was just a little out of line. It’s nothing against you.” The Five across from you said. Runner Five slid into the seat next to the one holding your hand.

“When we figure out what to do with our apocalypse, we have to be respectful to everyone else. If we hurt any of our bonds it could cost us the world.” The runner Five said. You nodded, staring down at the table.

“Diego told my Five to ‘get me under control’ and he was all like judging me because I said we should just kill Jennifer-“ You heard the Fives around you hiss, covering their mouths with their hands. “Which isn’t the best idea but we don’t have a lot of options here.”

“That probably freaked out your Five. We want to have entirely different morals than the Commission did. Diego was out of line with those comments but I don’t know if you should’ve swung on him.” The Five holding your hand said.

“Well, I don’t know how to get back and apologize. I fully went on the train to spite Five.” You said, slumping in your seat. The Five holding your hand, ran his thumb over the top, comforting you just slightly.

“You don’t need to worry about getting back. Anytime now, your Five will come through that door and whisk you away back home.” The Five across from you said, before dropping your hand to pick up his coffee instead.

“In the meantime, Brisket Five here will make you a sandwich.” The Runner Five said, pointing at the Five standing behind the counter with an apron on. Brisket Five waved at you, before sending a wink in your direction. You felt your face warm, looking away from him to instead look at the table. A few minutes later, of you making small talk about different aspects of your life with the two Fives in front of you, Brisket Five came to stand next to you with a plate. He set it down on the table before leaning over the table to smile at you.

“It’s your favorite.” He muttered, making the other two Fives groan. You glanced down at it. It just looked like a regular sandwich with toasted bread to you.

“My favorite from where?” You asked, keeping your hands in your lap. Brisket FIve grinned at you, pushing the plate just a smidge closer to you.

“From your childhood. The sandwich your grandma made for you after a long day of playing in the sprinklers.” He said. You stared down at the sandwich, wondering if he was fucking with you. ”Try it.” You glared up Brisket FIve. He should know that you hate taking any orders from Five. He tilted his head down, staring up at you with blown-wide puppy eyes. ”Please.” he whispered.

Even the Fives from other universes knew you were weak for the puppy eyes. You sighed before picking up the sandwich. You held it steady in front of your face, still not so sure about it. You glanced at Brisket Five once more before taking a bite. You paused when you truly felt yourself transported back to your Grandma’s house.

You could feel her warm blue towel wrapped around your shoulders while your wet swimsuit was still sticking to you. You could hear her muttering about your grandfather leaving food in the oven. You could feel how the table was just a little too big for you, having to lean forward to reach over the edge. You could hear the ticking of her clock.

“I thought you were messing with me.” You muttered, looking up at Brisket Five. He puffed his chest out just a little more. He stood up straight, brushing off his apron.

“You should trust me more often, my love. I’m more than just a pretty face.” Brisket five said, placing his hands on his hips and shrugging. You glanced over at the other two Fives at your table, both glaring at Brisket Five.

“Fuck you, Brisket Five.” The runner FIve said.

“You should know their Five is still alive, you should cut back on the flirting.” The Five across from you said. You glanced at Brisket Five out of the corner of your eye before looking back to the other two.

“Off topic but who’s Max?” You asked before taking another bite of the sandwich.

“I am!” Someone yelled back behind the counter. You glanced over to see another Five raising his hand. You looked back at the Fives you had already met, confused more than when you found out there were more than two Fives.

“We are. Dickhead.” Brisket Five yelled back. Max frowned at Brisket Five.

“Get back to work, Brisket Five,” Five-Max said, before moving back behind the counter. Brisket FIve turned back around to face you. He winked at you again. He reached out and tapped your cheek with his pointer knuckle, giving you an odd sense of deja vu.

“Talk to you later.” He muttered before walking away to the counter. You shrugged, looking back at your sandwich.

“What. A. Dick.” Runner Five said. You hummed. Across-from-you Five grumbled while staring at Brisket Five’s back.

“Makes a damn good sandwich, though.” You added, sinking your teeth in again. You groaned at how good it tasted. You tossed your head back, staring at the ceiling. You heard the bell above the door ring. You turned around, looking at the door to see who it was.

In all his glory, was yet another Five. You squinted at him, raising an eyebrow. He caught eyes with you; he pressed his lips together and tilted his head in a ‘you really did this’ manner. You gasped, setting your sandwich down. You threw your arms up in the air.

“Five! Darling, I missed you.” You said, smiling brightly at him. A few heads turned back to see which Five you were talking to. Your Five walked over towards your table, sliding into the seat next to you. His hand inched for yours, intertwining your fingers.

“Thought you promised not to use the subway?” He asked, giving you a knowing smile. You tutted, shaking your head.

“I never said ‘I promise’. I just said I wouldn't which makes it a fib and not a broken promise.” You said, defending your case perfectly. Five nodded, and he leaned forward. He pecked your lips. Five lingered for a few seconds, his apology pressed between each other's lips. He pulled back and sighed.

“I’m sorry for being so dickhead-ish.” He muttered, knocking his nose against yours. You pulled back, shaking your head.

“No, you don't have anything to apologize for; I was the one being all dickhead-ish. I shouldn't have called you that anyway. I'm sorry. I should've treated you better.” You said, grabbing his other hand to hold as well. Five hummed.

“And Diego?” You scrunched your nose. Five raised an eyebrow at you.

“Yeah, I guess him, too. I’ll apologize later.” You turned back to your sandwich, taking another bite.

“And what about Kansas?” Five asked. You made a sad face, making quick work of the bite in your mouth.

“I shouldn't have brought up Kansas because we both know it's a sore spot for the both of us.” You said with a monotone voice, sounding like a tired robot.

“That was nice to hear.” Five said before knocking your cheek with his knuckle. You got flashbacks to seconds before when Brisket Five left back towards the counter.

“Oh, by the way, Brisket Five was flirting with me.” You said before taking another bite. Your Five stared at the side of your face in shock. He glanced over at the other two Fives at your table. They both nodded while you kept your focus on your sandwich. Five leaned over the edge of the seat to look over your head at Brisket Five.

“What. A. Dick.” Five muttered. You nodded.

“That's what I said.” Runner Five said, pointing at Your Five. You set down your sandwich, looking over at Five.

“Do we have to go now?” You asked, giving him your best version of his puppy eyes. Five shook his head.

“You can finish your sandwich and then we can worry about the end of the world.” Five said, kissing your cheek. Yousmiled and focused on your sandwich again. Five rubbed your knee and started a conversation with the other two Fives. By the time you had finished, Brisket Five came back to take the plate away. He sent you a grin and wink. Five reached over and covered your eyes with his hands.

“Go away, Brisket Five.” Runner Five said. After that you said goodbye to all the other Fives, telling them you'll be back real soon. Your Five held your hand, gently tugging you towards the door. Just as you were about to get out the door, Brisket Five appeared next to you. He held out a ball of foil that looked suspiciously similar to a sandwich.

“It’s another sandwich, cause I know you loved it so much.” Brisket Five said. You took it out of his hands, cradling it to your chest.

“Thank you, Brisket Five.” You whispered. Your Five stood behind you, pressing his hands into your back, and gently pushing you towards the door.

“Yeah. Thanks, Brisket Five.” Five repeated from behind you. You two were out the door in no time, Five leading you towards the train by your hand. As you waited for the train to pull in, you hooked your elbow with Five’s. You leaned up to his ear, kissing the apple of his cheek. You pulled back at the screeching of the train pulling in. You walked into the train car with Five, sitting down next to each other. He dropped his head onto your shoulder as the train pulled away. You rested your chin on top of his head.

“I love you.” He whispered under his breath. You weren’t entirely positive that he wouldn’t fall asleep on the ride home. You dropped a kiss to the top of his head.

“I love you.” You hummed against his hair in response.

“More than Brisket Five?” Five asked. You glanced down at the sandwich in your lap.

“Have you thought about making sandwiches before?” You muttered. Five scoffed, reaching for the sandwich. You held it away from him, tapping his nose in a reprimanding manner. Five humphed.

“I’m going to kill Brisket Five.” Five whispered into your shoulder. You almost laughed at the feeling.

“Just keep his apron, it was kind of hot.” Five grumbled at your words. You gave him another kiss on his head so he was reminded that you were just joking. You thought about how you were going to apologize to Diego with words on the ride home. Diego apologized as well, bringing you a large plate of Lila’s family’s delicious food as an apology. Which you took very happily.

[asdfghjklmals]

CRAVINGS✩༶‧˚

GENRE + T/W: sfw, fluff. mentions of sex and suggestiveness at the end. WORD COUNT: 2.9k words. TAGS: satoru gojo x fem!oc, dadtobe!gojo, pregnant!oc, established couple.

SYNOPSIS: oc gojo girlfriend’s pregnancy cravings keep her up at night and she ends up waking up satoru because of it. AUTHOR'S NOTE: this all started because i was craving fried chicken. i love writing for pregnant oc gojo girlfriend. she is just so funny. 🤭 consider this my late happy birthday fic for satoru. REMINDER: if you want to imagine yourself in oc gojo girlfriend's character descriptions instead, please do!

toss. turn. toss. turn.

you felt satoru’s arm twitch as you kept tossing and turning in his embrace. the half-asleep sorcerer opened his eyes as they adjusted to the dark to look at you.

“you okay?” he asked as he murmured into the crevice of your neck.

he brought your body closer to his chest, stroking your cheek gently. you sighed, embarrassed to tell him what was running through your mind. your emotions have been all over the place during your pregnancy, so you were feeling vulnerable. pregnancy hormones were no joke.

you pouted your lips at him, “if i tell you, will you promise not to laugh at me?”

“why would i laugh at you?” satoru scoffed in disbelief. he reassured your feelings like he always did, “i know it’s been getting harder for you to sleep since baby gojo is growing so big and strong in your belly… so, tell me what’s wrong sweetheart.”

you pursed your lips and hesitated before leaning towards satoru’s ear to whisper to him. this was normal… right?

“satoru, baby gojo is violently craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

and you had to have it now.

satoru laid back down on his back and dropped his head on his pillow, he turned his head to stare back at you. he then glanced at his phone on the glass nightstand beside him, checking the time. all he knew was that it was an ungodly hour of the night.

3:42 am.

“right now?” he asked, “like… baby gojo doesn’t want it for breakfast instead?”

you frowned at your baby daddy and gave him your best puppy dog eyes that you knew he couldn’t say no to.

“yes, right now. for like… a midnight snack.” you replied with a twinge of guilt, “—but it’s okay, babe. i can make it myself. i know you have work in the morning.”

you turned away from satoru so you could roll over on your side of the bed to attempt to sit up. you could feel baby gojo kicking your side, happy that you were moving around at this time of night. your baby had always been extremely active while you were supposed to be sleeping.

“no, babe—” satoru interrupted you as he grabbed your arm, “i’ll get you—i mean—baby gojo a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. you stay here.”

you smiled sweetly at him and caressed his cheek, giving him an appreciative kiss.

satoru gojo would do anything for you, even if that meant he had to get out of bed at 3:42am to make his pregnant girlfriend a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he had to wake up for work at six in the morning.

satoru took a deep breath and swung his long legs out of the warm and comfortable duvet. he rubbed his face with the palm of his hands before hopping out of the bed and into the kitchen.

even though you really wanted that peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you did feel bad that you woke satoru up on a work night. ever since shoko told him that all your cravings needed to be satisfied since that’s what his baby wanted to eat, he was always at your beck and call.

this wasn’t the first time the white haired sorcerer had to fulfill a ridiculous craving of yours. you’ve asked for extra crispy fried chicken in the middle of the night, finished large tubs of lactose-free ice cream, and would make the world’s spiciest noodles even though your heartburn was amplified tenfold during this pregnancy. you told satoru that you were going to eat whatever you wanted if you were gonna be having his baby.

you got up slowly from the bed, feeling your baby shift in your belly. small kicks attacked your left side as you laughed at your active baby. you opened the door of your bedroom to peek into the kitchen.

satoru was standing in front of the fancy digital toaster that megumi had bought him (with your credit card) for father’s day this year. satoru loved high tech gadgets, and knowing him, he always had to have the best in everything… even toasters.

you watched as your sleepy and shirtless boyfriend popped two pieces of whole grain bread into the toaster, grabbing the smooth peanut butter from the pantry and the sweet strawberry jelly from the fridge. your household had two types of peanut butter on hand at all times, one smooth and one chunky. satoru and megumi liked the chunky while you and tsumiki preferred the smooth.

you wrapped yourself in your robe and stepped out into the kitchen. you walked over to satoru, who’s cheek was resting in the palm of his hand, his elbow supporting him on the kitchen counter. he was waiting for your bread to finish toasting.

you snaked your arms around his bare chest, your belly preventing you from hugging him as tightly as you actually wanted to. you rested your cheek on his back.

“what are you doing out here, sweetheart?” satoru asked softly as he peeked behind his shoulder, “i was going to bring the sandwich to you.”

“i don’t want crumbs in our bed.” you replied innocently, “—and i just wanted to watch you.”

satoru turned to you and grinned, “a little creepy, but i like that.”

you glared at him playfully as he snuck a kiss on your cheek. you clung to his side as you watched him spread the peanut butter and jelly onto the perfectly toasted bread. he cut the sandwich into triangles, just how you liked it.

you sat across the kitchen island in the barstool, admiring your boyfriend’s shirtless figure. you laughed knowing that satoru would definitely be considered a ‘dilf’ once your baby was born.

he slid the plate to you and watched as your eyes lit up. he could practically see the stars dancing in your eyes. you were drooling over the sandwich that you were craving so violently just a moment ago.

you took a bite as the peanut butter, jelly, and toasted bread married flavors into your mouth. you swore you haven’t had such a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich before this moment.

“is it that good?” satoru chuckled. he was honestly curious. you could be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich spokesperson with the way you were eating that sandwich.

you licked your lips and your strawberry jellied fingers, replying with a mouth full of sandwich, “yes, thank you. baby gojo is so happy, babe. they’re doing somersaults in my stomach right now.”

satoru laughed at your ridiculous reply before swiping crumbs off your bottom lip with his thumb. he turned around to grab an empty glass cup from the kitchen cabinet and filled it with water. he slid the glass over to you.

“thank you.” you said with a smile before downing the glass of water.

satoru had always been an attentive boyfriend, but ever since he found out you were pregnant, he did all he could to be there for you in any way, shape, or form. he was present and involved, you couldn’t ask for a better partner. you couldn’t wait to see him be a father to your baby.

satoru patiently watched as you finished your last bite of your sandwich. you pushed yourself off of the barstool and took your plate to the sink, washing away the crumbs from your hands and plate.

he leaned against the kitchen counter, satisfied with himself, arms folded, “anything else before we head back to bed, sweetheart?”

with no hesitation, you blurted out, “baby gojo wants a hot chocolate.”

satoru blinked twice. at this moment, his baby was craving the most random things. he couldn’t even believe it. this was worse than when he went to buy you fried chicken in the middle of the night. you made sure you put the emphasis on ‘extra crispy’ and if it wasn't extra crispy, he couldn't come home.

“really, babe?” he asked, “you really want a hot chocolate? when was the last time you drank hot chocolate?”

you gave him the puppy dog eyes again, “it’s not me. it’s the baby—can you use the lactose-free milk?”

he stood in front of you and bent down to eye-level with your belly and pointed at your belly button.

“you—baby gojo—are asking for a lot in the middle of the night.” he said to your belly, “it’s a good thing i’m insanely in love with your mommy.”

you felt two kicks from baby gojo. you smiled at the sight of satoru talking to your stomach. he loved to speak to baby gojo as if they were already born. you were certain that your baby recognized yours and satoru’s voices because baby gojo would kick, twist, turn and throw punches when they heard satoru’s voice after he would come home from work or when he would stop by your office to escape his students. your baby loved his voice just as much as you did.

you sat back down in the barstool and watched satoru grab a mug from your mug collection. he recently added a pregnancy mug that he was very proud of.

“this is probably the most accurate mug you’ve bought yet.” you giggled. in a bright sparkly pink font, this one read ‘beware, due to the influence of pregnancy hormones, i could burst into tears or kill you in the next two minutes’.

“sometimes, i worry about you,” satoru teased as he poured your lactose-free milk into the mug and stirred a hot chocolate packet into it. “one minute you’re climbing me like a tree and the next you don’t want me to touch you. is that also because of your pregnancy hormones?”

you laughed shamelessly, “yes, sorry, the libido is off the charts some days.”

the white-haired sorcerer thanked god every day for your increased sex drive during your pregnancy. nowadays you were the one who initiated intimacy… and satoru gojo was not going to complain about that.

satoru put the mug of hot chocolate into the microwave to warm it up for you. he turned to face you as you both waited for the microwave to beep.

once the hot chocolate was done being warmed up, he guided you to the living room with the mug in his hand. satoru sat down on the plush white couch and patted the seat next to him, motioning for you to sit with him.

you obliged and made yourself comfortable. he grabbed your legs to put on top of his and handed you your hot chocolate. he draped a blanket on top of your laps. he placed his hand on your thigh and admired the pregnancy glow on your face in the warm and dim living room lights.

a sweet cup of hot chocolate, a handsome man cuddling you, a comfortable couch and warm blanket? what more could you ask for? you enjoyed any quality time with satoru as you got older and busier. quality time was something you’d keep near and dear to your heart, especially knowing that you weren’t going to be alone with him anymore in a short couple of months. baby gojo was going to be joining the circus soon.

“you know what i just realized?” satoru said out of nowhere as you blew on your hot chocolate.

you looked over at him, cocking your head to the side, “what?”

“we didn’t read week 22.” satoru stated. he was always on top of reading the ‘what to expect’ app with you. you watched as he stood up from the couch to quickly grab your phone from the bedroom nightstand for you.

once he returned to the living room, he made himself comfortable next to you again and swiped open your phone to find the app that you used to track baby gojo’s development.

“baby gojo is as big as a papaya.” satoru read, “baby gojo hit a huge milestone and is weighing at a whopping 1 lbs and is measuring 11 inches in length.”

“that’s our big and strong baby.” you cooed, caressing your belly with your free-hand, taking another sip of your hot chocolate.

“baby gojo’s grip, vision, and hearing are all getting stronger now! you might notice a protruding navel—” satoru lifted the blanket to check your belly button. you laughed to find a non-protruding one at the moment.

“—and possibly even bigger feet.” he finished reading. he peeked over to look at your feet.

“they’re just a little swollen.” you frowned.

“at a glance, even though baby gojo’s eyes are sealed shut, they can perceive light and dark now. shine a flashlight on your tummy and see if your little one moves—oh, babe, we have to try that out.”

you watched as satoru got up from the couch again to dig in the kitchen junk drawer for a flashlight.

“you need to clean out that drawer.” you nagged.

satoru brushed off your comment as he returned to your side, “yeah, yeah. i’ll do it later.”

he turned on the flashlight and pointed it directly on your belly. you immediately felt baby gojo move away from the light, surprising you and making you laugh out loud.

“did you feel anything?” satoru asked curiously. unfortunately, he still hasn't been able to feel baby gojo kick yet, you had hoped that he would be able to soon. only you were able to feel movement at the moment.

you nodded with a toothy smily, “yes. seems like our little one doesn’t like the flashlight.”

satoru grinned back at you. he sat back down and continued to read enthusiastically, “baby gojo is starting to hear and process sounds from inside your body so watch what you say… and baby's nervous system is sharpening the five senses, which means little fingers are learning to grab those tiny ears, nose and umbilical cord.”

you watched satoru’s slender fingers scroll slowly through the app. you gasped. your eyes started to well up with tears. you seemed to cry more easily now with the pregnancy hormones.

“satoru… it says my feet might not go back to normal after pregnancy.”

satoru knew exactly what question you'd ask. 'satoru would you still love me if my feet don't go back to normal after i give birth?'

“babe, it’s okay.” satoru wiped your crocodile tears as he comforted you, "and don't worry, i'll still love you."

“—what if i can't fit my shoes anymore?” you continued to frown, taking a sad sip of your hot chocolate.

satoru stroked your head before placing a kiss on your temple. leave it to you for the theatrics, you were his precious drama queen.

“sweetheart, if your feet don’t go back to normal, i’ll buy you every single pair of shoes you own in a new size.”

and satoru gojo could definitely afford to do just that.

you continued to pout as satoru continued to read the app.

“it says you might start experiencing braxton hicks. they’re like practice contractions.” he hummed, “and the app advises to take more magnesium and to work out… and that’s all for this week.”

you nodded, “i’ll call my doctor and ask about the magnesium. that should help with my leg cramps—and about the working out…”

“—we’ve been working out.” satoru commented slyly.

you glanced at him and sipped at your hot chocolate. even though satoru was keeping you company on the couch, he was probably exhausted. you thought that maybe he could call out of work tomorrow… guilty thoughts of keeping him awake filled your head.

“okay, baby gojo—” satoru leaned over to ask your belly, “is that all you’re craving for? last call in the kitchen. daddy wants to go back to sleep now.”

“yes,” you hummed, “—but mommy is craving for something now too.”

satoru squinted at you and booped your nose playfully, “mommy and baby gojo are the same at the moment. if you’re craving it, i’m sure the baby is too.”

“no, this one has nothing to do with the baby, satoru.” you told him confidently, hoping he’d understand.

he cocked his head to the side, wondering what else you could possibly be craving for at this time of night.

“what is it?”

you looked up at satoru with needy eyes before mumbling, “i want you.”

satoru stared at you for a couple seconds before he registered at what you were hinting at.

“oh. ohhhhhhh—i see where you’re going with this—” he grinned before replying to your sly innuendo of a request, “—well, how can i say no to that?”

you laughed out loud as satoru sat up quickly from the couch, taking you by the hand to lead you back to the master bedroom. you sat down on the edge of your bed, satoru towering over you to lean towards your ear.

he whispered, “you have some interesting pregnancy cravings, babe.”

© 2023 ASDFGHJKLMALS — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK.

DIVIDERS PROVIDED BY @/ANLIAN-AISHANG

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

things that seemed reoccurring this update:

- Meat

- peas

- jelly

- Hibernation

- Eddie's absence

- Acting out a script (Sally mumbling asking if it's her cue and Howdy changing the script of the narrator in Homewarming storybook, characters general interactions with the narrator, different moments in the video, like the Sally and Frank ad break or the song a barely silent night, where the two literally fight over who get to sing, Sally mentions she wrote the lyrics, and Frank says she already has a song. yeah all of these are easy to see as meta goofs in the original material, but it's the fact there's so much of it this update) (of course all this wrap up with the end of the video where Eddie and Frank are obviously acting off script)

- Being alone (Eddie not having any news of anyone and not even seeing anyone outside (which is interesting as the story says that Sally was up in a tree near his home and saw him fret over having nothing to do), Wally saying it's so quiet during Homewarming and it's just he and Home for a while (potentially the show putting out a christmas special and then being on break? can a show do that?), and in the normal website material, the end of "An ode to hibernation", Frank saying "Where all that's left is me", the "me" being a "...me?")

- Welcome Home being used to sell stuff (cigarettes, medicine, eggnog, cereals, and the cookbook lists ingredients that are a specific brand)

(I'm putting under read more my rambling thoughts so you can just reblog the list without having to see them)

so I can't really make sense yet of all the food stuff. Maybe there are cultural elements/expressions I don't know that explains it? But I still find it very interesting how fucking unhinged that cookbook is yet the commercial and the website treat it normally. The cookbook is overall extremely interesting, because some of the recipes seem to actually be written by the characters; Barnaby who only presents you weird hot dog dressings with pictures but no recipe (and all jokes), Frank who lists not just the ingredients but also the material, and overexplain each steps (at least overexplain compared to the other recipes. it's actually interesting to know why you do x or y), and Julie who turns her recipe into a game at the end, and felt a bit harder to follow? anyway.

The cookbook, the Homewarming tradition of hanging a ham in the tree, Santy Claus being said sometimes instead of Santa, the ham for Santa? Once again, the christmas commercials being so casual about some of the weird stuff it says and presents? This almost feels like an alien who only has a blurry grasp of Christmas and what humans enjoy made the cookbook and the live commercial.

Sometimes, Welcome Home feels like it never actually aired and produced things, but we're making it retroactively exist. Something is making it exist. Like a retcon of the universe, "What do you mean you never heard of Welcome Home? No, of course it always existed and was very popular, look at all this old material we find!"

So maybe whatever is making it exist doesn't fully get humans and accidentally creates things that are weird to prove its existence. Like a cookbook that tells you a single pea in a buttered plate is a classic meal, or that of course you give Santa ham on Homewarming! (tbh almost getting an AI weirdness feel)

But in total contrary, in its story, Welcome Home also feels like it always existed, but got somehow completely wiped from people's mind, as something caused its sudden stop, and its characters gained consciousness of what they are and their world. As an existential dread fell on them one after the other, slowly realizing something isn't right. As Eddie felt anxiety and nervousness over no one being there or contacting him, to then having the story acts lightheartedly about it, the narrator saying things have been solved but he doesn't feel it, and suddenly Home is staring at him.

Both "It never existed but the universe is being retcon into it existing" and "it existed but something terrible happened that erased it from peoples mind" seem plausible. If two theories contradict each other, that means there's a third one that needs to be found.

Maybe it existed. Maybe it truly was popular, but something corrupted it, leading to its disappearance. A disappearance so big it stopped to exist. And now the thing that corrupted it is trying to crawl back, make it exist again, but it's making it come back completely off.

Anyway.

Also, I think the show may have been on hold during the Holiday season, "hibernating", and the character who got some self awareness realized that something was off. They're alone because there's nothing new, so no one is there bringing life to the neighborhood.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Purely from a customer and consumer point of view, the products Meghan is teasing do not seem appealing.

I really artisan jams and jellies and cute, home grown products that look adorable are my roman empire (please don't judge me for this). But I also look for quality products, the stories of the owners, curators, as well as how and who from the products or raw materials are sourced. And I channel this interest of mine into my secret side gig as an anonymous food critic. I write about artisan cafes and food products. So looking at Meghan's 3 products from that lense -

If the only products she is offering is freshly made (perishable) jam and a dog biscuit, then it is extremely off putting for a consumer. It doesn't matter if it's beautifully packaged. There is no cohesion between the 2 products. For most people who don't have dogs or are sticklers for hygiene would be a little icked out. At the price point which she intends to sell these products it's very important to create an image in the customers mind. Wholesome, clean, fresh, cosy, tasty, happy kids happy families, warmth and lighthearted fun filled family times etc etc etc.

No all I'm thinking of is that she is making the jam on one hob of her stove top and putting together the dog biscuit ingredients in a large bowl on the same countertop (and dog food ingredients are usually raw, smelly, include things like liver, lamb, bone meal, bone broth etc). Just thinking of that has put me off of whatever was launched simultaneously with those dog biscuits.

Those products should not have been launched together. Technically she hasn't launched anything, I know. But if and when she does, a lot of people would already associate the two products together.

Of course this is just my opinion, but I do think Meghan has noone to advice her on market strategy and brand story. She is focussing too much on or and not at all on getting the basics of her brand together. A brand, as in the product itself, is always bigger than the creator.

People buy skims because it's a good product that looks good, does te work it does and it offers variety. Not just because kim wears it. People are over Kylie lipkits because the lipsticks are bad, flaky, and substandard. Kylies pillowey lips can only sell soany kits.

Using the same logic, if Meghan is not highlighting the produce, the strawberries, the raspberries, the jam making, the gardens, the fruit picking, the quality checks, the jam batches to get just the right taste it's not good. It won't sell. The company would never take off. The products will not be a success countrywide, let alone worldwide. (Which I think is what she would ideally like).

Old ask from June 17th

A perspective on ARO and why it’s failing.

[starstruckkittensweets]

Catch Me When I Fall

Chuuya Nakahara x Reader

fandom: bungo stray dogs

Star is tired. Star is worn out. Star desperately wants Chuuya to hug her and kiss her until she can't think straight. Star presents an extremely messy and personal fic to you. Star hopes you enjoy ❤️

warnings: fem reader (female pronouns used), job rejection letters, crying, insecurities, may be a bit choppy because I haven't written anything in a while (also it's very late and I'm sleepy) || words: 1.5k

The letter sits there in your hands, only a few short sentences long, but enough to make your heart shatter and your throat close up. 

After careful consideration…pursue other candidates…appreciate your time and effort…best of luck with future endeavors… 

You’ve read it three times so far, and each time sends another pang straight to your chest. The edges of the paper are soggy with sweat, smudging the fresh ink on the surface. Something warm and wet slides down your cheek, splashing onto the bottom corner. Then another, and another, and soon you’re full-on sobbing right there at the kitchen table. 

It’s useless, you’re useless. Why are you so fucking useless? 

You almost don’t hear the door unlock, and when you hear Chuuya call out your name, you stuff the paper in your pocket and jump up from your seat. 

Wipe your eyes, force it down. Busy your hands with something else. 

Take your mind off everything with anything. 

“Where are you, doll?” 

You swallow hard and turn to the dirty dishes in the sink—yeah, that’ll work. First time in your life you’re actually looking forward to doing house chores. 

“There you are.” 

A fresh surge of tears runs down your cheeks at Chuuya’s voice, even more so when he comes in close and wraps his arms around your waist from behind. You grit your teeth and smile, praying to every god and goddess above that he won’t notice the heat in your cheeks or the sniffle in your nose. 

“How was your day?” Always such a gentleman, asking you before you can even think about asking the same of him. “Not too boring all alone, I hope?” 

You shake your head and grab another dish. But it’s hard to see the stains when your sight’s starting to blur again. 

“’S fine,” you mumble with a shrug, “how about you?” 

Suddenly his body goes stiff against yours, his arms coil tighter around your body, and all you can think of is oh fuck, fuck, fuck, you already fucked up didn’t you—

“You feeling alright, doll?” His voice is soft as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face. But the gentle touch of his hands only worsens the ache in your chest. “What’s wrong?” 

What’s wrong, indeed? Nothing’s wrong, you’re just overreacting. Just like you always do. Not a big deal. 

You’ll get over it anyway. 

“I’m fine,” you repeat, and damn it you’re running out of dishes to focus on, “it’s nothing—” 

“It’s not nothing if it’s makin’ you upset, sweetheart.” 

Fuck it, here we go. 

A sob wracks through your body, so hard you nearly drop the clean plate back into the soapy water. But Chuuya is quick to swipe it out of your grasp and place it on the drying rack, before shutting off the water altogether. All the while you’re crying in his arms, your soaked hands still gripping the edge of the sink. 

“C’mon baby, talk to me,” he whispers against your temple. He gathers you in his arms, not even caring about the water reaching up to your elbows, gently turning you to face him. “What is it? You gotta tell me, I can’t help you if you don’t—” 

Your knees are practically jelly, it’s a miracle you don’t tumble to the floor and take Chuuya with you. But he’s too strong for his own good, holding you up with one hand and tracing over your cheek with his other. Wait a minute, when did he take off his gloves? 

“Baby, please,” he says one more time, cradling your face in his hands, and even through your tears you can still make out those brilliant blue eyes of his. “Did something happen earlier? Was it something I did? You gotta tell me…” 

Your heart clenches at his words; how could he ever think it was something he did? He’s not the one to blame here, not when he’s been nothing but supportive of you ever since you met. 

But your tongue just won’t move, the words won’t come out no matter how hard you try, so all you can do is shake your head no. His shoulders sag just a bit at that, but he never loosens his grip on you. 

“Alright then… Can you tell me what hurts? Or show me, at least?” 

Show him, show him… That’s right, the culprit’s right here in your pocket. It takes a moment to fish it out with how hard your fingers are trembling, and once you do Chuuya’s eyes are scanning it hungrily. 

He looks more and more ready to tear the fucking thing in two with every word he reads. But then he meets your teary gaze and drops it to the floor instead. Curling his arms around you once more, guiding you to sit on the floor alongside him so he can tuck your head beneath his chin. 

Another one to add to the collection. Watch them pile up on each other, a constant reminder of how fucking useless you are. 

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re too good for them anyway, y’know that, right?” 

It doesn’t make it hurt any less. But at least he’s trying, holding you tight and pressing a line of kisses across your forehead. Being wrapped up in his arms always helps you feel a bit better. 

“I just—” 

Fuck, your voice sounds rough. Your throat hurts, your nose is clogged, and you can feel a massive headache coming on. You bury your face into his chest and try again, clutching the back of his shirt as tight as you can. 

“…I’m just so sick of it, y’know? How many does that make so far? Five total?” Maybe you’ve lost count at this point. 

“Sweetheart—”

No, stop it. The sincerity in his voice only makes you cry harder. He’s always so helpful and supportive, isn’t he? More often than not you wonder if you even truly deserve him. 

Rejection. Condolences. Hope crushed to pieces. Then the cycle repeats, just when you think you can handle it. 

No matter how much you prepare yourself for the worst outcome, it still stings like hell when you meet it face-to-face. 

“You’ll find it, I promise.” Chuuya threads his fingers through your hair as gently as he can. “It’ll take a few tries, but I promise you’ll find it.” 

You don’t know how many more tries you have in you at this point. 

It’s always a running joke between the two of you, of Chuuya constantly offering to take care of you for the rest of your life with his own money. And you’re always tempted by the offer, especially after a difficult day’s work at your current job. But you never want to be a burden on him; he already does so much for you, it’s not fair to ask anymore of him when you can’t do the same. 

“I just…want something a little bit better, you know?” 

“I know you do, doll. And you’ll find it, I swear you will. You just have to get through all this shit first…and you’ll find it right there in front of you.” 

The tears have slowed, but your head is still pounding with something awful. You raise your head to meet his eyes, heart melting at the sight of his gentle smile and pretty blue eyes. He drags his thumb over your pouty lips, over your chin and up to the apple of your cheek. 

“We can talk more about it later, if you feel up to it. Right now, how about you pick out a movie and we’ll order take out later? Sound like a plan, doll?” 

More than perfect, but you’re too worn out to put it in words. So you nod instead and let him help you back up to your feet. You reach for the box of tissues on the counter, but Chuuya’s already grabbing it and holding it out to you with a lopsided grin. He really is too good for you, huh? 

Not that you’ll ever say that to his face; you’re not in the mood to get scolded by him again. 

“C’mon, we both had a pretty rough day, and all I wanna do is curl up with my favorite girl and make her smile again.” He takes your face in his hands again, brushing away the last of your tears with his thumbs. “Where’s that pretty smile, huh? Don’t hide it from me—ah, there it is.” 

It’s hard not to smile whenever you’re near your boyfriend. Maybe that’s his real special ability, putting you at ease no matter what kind of day you’ve had. He’s always there to pick you up, no matter how many times you fall or trip over yourself. No matter how many bumps in the road you have to crawl over. No matter how far you have to jump. 

He’s always there to catch you, every single time. 

“…Chuuya?” He turns just in time for you to collide with his chest, as your arms link around his shoulders as tight as they can. “Thank you… I love you so much, you know that?” Too much to put into words. 

He’s quiet at first—but then you feel the familiar comforting hand at the small of your back, his warmth bleeding through the fabric of your shirt. You can feel him smile against your temple before pressing a kiss to your tear-stained cheek. 

“Yeah, I know. Love ya too, doll.” 

[aiura-stan]

Here we go, the first proper chapter of the Saiki K manga, 1-1!

Manga Saiki my beloved. How I missed you. I won’t comment on every single panel because I don’t want to spend —that— long talking about trivial things in this manga. But I’ll do my best to be annoyingly thorough in this re-read. Since I figure it will probably be my last proper re-read from end to end, sequentially. (Because quite frankly this manga is long. And I have other things to do. Hopefully.)

I’m not sure “lax” is the word I would use here? But I don’t like the anime’s use of “airheaded” much either, so?? “Considerably low key” maybe? In any case, the next panel sums it up “They both were the type not to think that deeply about things.” Let’s see… it says かなり緩かった. That seems to be about right, translation wise.

incheresting.

Also, it implies hypothetical strict parents of psychics exist, which… ironically enough, simply doesn’t exist in the Saikiverse. Come on Asou sensei. Give us an official continuation so we can meet some new psychic kid who meets this requirement of having grown up with strict parents.

I love how the very first page shows Saiki committing some selfless act with his powers. And yet he still gives us the spiel about how much psychic powers suck with his signature chronic >:(. Yes; Saiki has been a tsundere since the very beginning.

Saiki’s tsundere-ism aside, I have always liked how Asou sensei explains how psychic powers might be a significant drawback as much as a strength. The metaphor of a domestic dog who is fed and therefore doesn’t have the skill to hunt for itself, and the spoiled child who is given everything and thus robbed of agency, are both particularly good ones. (The curry and spoons one just makes me think of Mob psycho. Do you think One sensei read Saiki k???)

Saiki just lists all of his powers here. That certainly saves time. Though people who have already read the oneshots have the advantage of knowing exactly how these powers work (if we assume them properly canon.) There’s details about Saiki’s powers that get changed from the oneshots to the manga proper, like the timer on his spirit-body separation ability and his “clairvoyance” being called x-ray vision. Wait, no, that was the oneshot. Well, my point still stands.

I also like this part about a sense of achievement being impossible for him, since everything is too easy. It’s rather depressing if you think about it too much. Saiki definitely doesn’t belong in the “normal” life role that he forces himself into. But given his alternatives (Allow himself to become a government lab rat and subject himself to experimentation? Become a worldwide celebrity who fixes the problems of the world and maintains peace, essentially becoming a human god?? hang out with his amoral genius older brother who hates him???) his attempts at normalcy are understandable. And very entertaining.

No extreme emotions… I hope Asou sensei knew the can of worms he was opening by having Saiki say this. But I’m guessing he didn’t.

And the first of Kusuo’s problems in his titular disastrous life is the very normal problem of having to unlock the door for his father, who locked himself out of the house. But at this point, we the readers have no idea the extent of his powers and just how much his full potential is underutilized.

why doesn’t Kurumi have a job..? their mortgage is probably expensive and her son is an older teenager and fully capable of taking care of himself… i guess she just wants to be the doting mom for her son.

Ah!? Is that where Saiki gets his standards for how he uses his powers? Makes sense.

Sigh. watching your parents wrestle while waxing eloquent about coffee jelly. Never change Saiki. (and he never does.) He is really making me crave coffee jelly.

so cute.

XD his father’s thoughts are so ~kawaii~. Teehee.

Also, I never see anyone use forced telepathy in fics! More stuff that has so much damn potential… note to future me reading this.

The word used here in the manga is “psi user.” Let’s see… In Japanese, it is 超能力者(chyounouryokusha). Exactly what I expected; the same term as used on the cover. And that’s the word he uses in the anime, too, but in the subtitles, it’s translated as simply “psychic.” For those wondering, he says: 見せてやろう…超能力者の力おな… ‼︎ I am too low level to properly translate this, but I’d say it’s something like, “I’ll show you… a psi user’s power!”

Our translators: “I shall show you… the power of a psi user…!” (and they keep the punctuation and spacing used in the original Japanese.)

:,) He smiles… I love it when he smiles with the sparklies and the shine comes into his eyes. He doesn’t make this expression but a few meager times in the comic. And one of them is at the very end.

Papa also has a temper?? Ugh. He’s such a spoiled child. I can’t blame Kusuo for being a brat when his dad is like that.

And then Kusuo immediately smashes every window in the house using his psi powers out of coffee jelly induced jealousy. Another turn of events that just doesn’t make sense in the anime!!!

The translator note at the end is very sweet. I feel lucky that such a good scan team took on Saiki k; they really put effort into it, even the untranslatable stuff.

Alrighty, (wii fit meditation announcer guy voice) that’s… the end. It took me the better part of four hours to read and touch type all of this on my smartphone. Time well spent. (though I really should have used my computer. No, actually I’d better not, or all of my posts are going to be the length of 0-6…)

end of 1-1💫

[imnotpayingforurtherapy]

I don't think i've ever done an introduction before so here's a messy one (I'll fix/add to it later)

Hey, I'm Snilk (It's a nickname my friend gave me that's short for snail milk)

I draw and write occasionally (My ao3 is the same as my username and is at the bottom of this post under the cut)

I'm only fluent in english but i also know some Spanish, French, Russian, Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Arabic, Turkish, Slovenian, Gaelic (in order of how much I know the language) Also working on learning Kumeyaay, Cherokee and Chiwere (The native languages of the places I've lived and love visiting)

This is mainly a bsd account because ✨autism & hyperfixations✨ but all the fandoms i'm in/shows/book/manga i've seen or read is under cut (feel free to recommend things to my read/watch list through asks or dms)

General personality info also under cut

Socials under cut

Fandom list

Fandoms (General)

- Bungo stray dogs

- Hazbin Hotel/Helluva boss

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- Ramshackle

- No.6

- My little pony friendship is magic (gen 4)

~ Jkk

- Junji ito

[Past Fandoms: Miraculous ladybug, Bnha, Danganronpa, harry potter, demon slayer, hunter x hunter, bloom into you, whisper me a love song, ways of the household husband, tokyo ghoul, Tbhk, spy family, chainsaw man, yuri on ice, sk8, idk if these are considered fandoms but i was also obsessed with yt animators for a while; jaidenanimations, odd1sout, let me explain studios, jelly jess, SO MANY MORE]

Manga/Light Novels

- Bungou stray dogs light novels (1-8; Kafka Asagiri... still haven't read tdipud)

- BSD Gaiden/Another Story (Kafka Asagiri, LOVED THE ART OF THIS ONE)

- No.6 (Atsuko Asano, UGH LOVE THIS ONE)

- Bloom into you (Nio Nakatani, THE AROACE REP 🔛🔝)

Books

Recent/Fav reads

- Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

- Flower of Buffoonery (Dazai Osamu)

- No longer Human (Dazai Osamu)

- Setting Sun (Dazai Osamu)

- School Girl (Dazai Osamu)

- Time Machine (HG Wells)

(There's more i'm just lazy)

Currently reading/read list

- Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoevsty)

- 1984 (George Orwell)

so much more (again i'm lazy)

Music

I pretty much listen to anything and everything (Except super popular artists who only got popular because they're celebrities and not because they make actually good music, I can't stand them)

Artists

- Ado

- AJJ

- The Alan Parsons Project

- Alex G

- Alexander Vertinsky

- Alpay

- Conan Gray

- Chappell Roan

- Sufjan Stevens

- Mustafa Ozkent

- Psychedelic Porn Crumpets

(I'll finish this later, i'm eepy and this is too hard to pick my fav artists)

Songs

Personality

ENTP/INTP (It changes between those two every time I take the stupid test)

I'm technically Aroace and bisexual (Romantic relationships feel suffocating and cause me to have constant panic attacks and I'm fine with sex but I have to be on top and in control and refuse to take off any of my clothes so pretty much me giving cunnilingus or blowjobs👍 anything else👎 The reason being I have horrid sa trauma from when I was 8... lemme know if y'all want the story)

I've been told by everyone I know I am Dazai, no elaboration, I just simply am him

Masochist yet scared of pain, constantly paranoid and anxiety ridden lil creature (I have horrid insomnia that causes me to hallucinate), I love driving, I have horrid misophonia and will often skip meals cause i can't stand the sound if my own chewing, automatic flight response when alone, fight response with someone weaker than me, i'm an extreme people pleaser and over thinker so as much as i wanna make jokes about something i wont because im scared of it going wrong and then will proceed to overthink my screw ups for the rest of my days :D, would deal with panic attacks through self-harm/self-sabotage and would purposely embarrass myself (Haven't done that in a while tho so it's all good) uhhhh this is too long so that's it lmao

Ao3 writer curse (I've never broken a bone but pretty much every week it's something new from giving myself a concussion and missing school for days without my knowledge cause i was in a coma that my family thought was just me being lazy to a random excruciating pain in a place i didn't even know could hurt)

WHERE MY CRONIC PAIN BESTIES AT?!? YALL GET IT 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️🥰🥰

I make jokes when i'm in pain cause i hate having people worry about me or feeling bad because of me, I am entertainment for you, i'm not real so just laugh at me like a sad movie

I go to an art school (unfortunately) and have class from 8:30am-5pm on a normal day; I'm in production & design conservatory which is basically just running everything behind the scenes of live theater, everything you see and hear in a show that's not the actors themselves I work to control and make as good as possible, my fav positions are A2 (putting mics on people and setting up speakers) Wardrobe (designing costumes and performing/helping with quick changes) and Deck/props (Make stuff and put it on stage)

Outside if that my favorite subjects are Science and History (I love memorizing things that make sense and work together, i love understanding facts about the world and using it to express and understand things through literature)

I used to love math as i was a child prodigy but lost my spark as instead of my teachers noticing my skill and helping me, they poured water on my flame and now i can barely solve 13 time 3 without a calculator (its 39)

When I was in kindergarten, I was bored with my lessons and my sister (who was in 3rd grade at the time) loved playing school with me so by the time I started first grade I had memorized multiplication tables, could solve any equation in my head within minutes (like 2 digit multiplied by 2 digit equations) and had a concept of negative numbers, my first grade teacher loved this about me and would give me harder equations separate from the rest of the class, then in second grade my teacher would lie to me any time i said something above second grade math, like one time i brought up an equation like 2-5 and she was like "oh you can't do that" and I tried to explain it and she just kept denying it until I finally got so fed up with her bs I shouted "YES YOU CAN ITS NEGATIVE 3 JUST LIKE YOUR IQ FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT!" ... I got sent to the office. Third grade was the worst because instead of just letting me be my teacher made me write down everything on paper... I don't think in numbers when i do mental math, I think in concepts, so by the time i convert the concepts to numbers and but it on paper i've lost the entire equation and have to start over again and get super confused because i forget how i got that number and why that numbers there so i end up just breaking down and getting the question wrong. AND INSTEAD IF SEEING WHAT THE ISSUE WAS SHE JUST BRUSHED IT OFF AS OH YAY IM DOING THE WORK so i became stupid as a result (I also was in math olympians for a few years and would always get pissed off cause it was a group competition and i would look at the problem, solve it instantly and tell them the answer, they wouldn't believe me, take forever to solve it and low and behold i was right and because it was a timed competition i never got higher than second place...)

OH GOD THAT WAS A HORRID RANT- MY BAD GUESS YALL GOT SOME SNILK LORE🗣️🗣️‼️‼️

Socials

(I'm not really active on Twitter/X)

[dazacasual]

I have a silly goofy idea but I suck at writing so I give this to all you miracle working writers; (only if you wanna make it a fic ofc) (pls @ me if you do I'd love to see other's versions of this)

Imagine you go to Wriothesley asking for knowledge about tea, the making of, the history, etc. and it's all to "impress" this tea guy™ little does Wriothesley know, said tea guy is him. And you LOOOOVE to listen to him talk about the things that interest him, like tea.

So he answers your wishes and and he starts asking a few questions about tea guy™ like where does he work and how you met him, the such. LITTLE DOES THE READER KNOW, HE'S NOT ASKING BECAUSE HE'S JELLY! He is asking because HE wants to meet this tea guy™ and go on a tea date with him! (romantic or platonic, however you see fit)

Skip some of the tea learning montage, and Wriothesley finally asks "so what's this tea guy's name?" Because you've either given blatant info that applies to him and very few others in the fort and his thicc made him dummy (affectionate) or you've be EXTREMELY vague and slipped some half-truths in there and he just CAN'T figure it out.

Drop the bomb

You tell him

"Oh his name is Wriothesley"

And you just watch the realization come to his face, grinning like a kiddo on their birthday, and thin a slight yet sudden drop

"So there's no other tea guy?"

Anyways what I'm saying is; I love a dummy dog with all my life. I also can't proofread for shit

[blushcoloreddreams]

17 ways to add small smiles in your life

Hello my friend!

For the past year I’ve had a pretty busy and I’ll dare say boring routine with not a lot of time for great adventures. So I think that the best way to not feel overwhelmed, burnt out or whenever I begin struggling in life, I always begin looking for ways to infuse more joy and smiles into my life. As I've pondered this issue, I've come to believe that the joy in our lives can be greatly enhanced by something that I like to call "Small Smiles."

Small smiles are different from the ones that come from seeing a long lost friend, winning a competition, or achieving our goals. Small smiles aren't extremely memorable or life-changing, but they DO matter.

Small smiles arrive when you have a good hair day, or when you get a small discount on your regular coffeeshop order. These smiles aren't momentous or incredible, but they DO add to the overall joy of life.

Today, I wanted to write our list about all the ways we can begin adding more "small smiles" to our days

1. Wear your favorite smell

This is one of my FAVORITE life hacks ever. Apply a small amount of Vaseline or petroleum jelly to your wrists, and spray the area with your favorite scent. As you go about your day, take a minute to pause and take a sniff of your favorite smell. It will ALWAYS make you happy.

Also, don't be ashamed of the smell you choose! I always have a good dash of "flowebomb" or “miss Dior” on my body, even though people seem them as basic / overused perfumes but I believe they are classics for a reason.

2. Enjoy the sky

I know this one sounds really weird, but bear with me. So, a fun fact about me is that one of favorite "feature" of Creation is the sky. I cannot get enough of looking at the clouds, stars, the moon, sunrises, sunsets, or chunky and thunderous rain clouds.

I think all humans need to take time to reconnect with nature: it's good to be reminded of how tiny we are, and how gorgeous the world is. So maybe your version of "enjoying the sky" is actually taking a walk by a river or buying a bouquet of flowers. Whatever it is, just take some time to get in touch with the world.

3. Dream about your FUTURE

Whenever I think about the names of my nonexistent future children, or the places I want to travel, I can't help but smile. It can be unhealthy to live exclusively in the future, BUT, a nice dreaming session can be truly uplifting. Dreaming about the future gives us hope, excitement, and even a little bit of motivation. Take time to dream, no matter how crazy the dream is

4. Wear your FAVORITE outfit

Alright friends, this is pretty obvious, but wearing our favorite clothing will often make us smile! Do you remember when you were a kid, and your mom could NOT stop you from wearing the same pink dress every day for a week? Well, even though we're adults, it can still be whimsical and fun to have a "favorite" outfit. Don't worry about it being stylish or trendy: just make sure you feel happy in it.

5. Sit on the floor and play with your dog... or cat... chinchilla… or fish? *

Okay, maybe I'm just really spoiled because every night while chilling in my bed my cat will come for snuggles, every time I get anywhere close to him. think, even just passing to get a cup of water , my cat begins to heads towards me and ask for some affectionl. He’s just so awesome and excited every time I'm showing signs of "play."

Whenever I need some joy, I plop down on the ground and pet him a bit or I’ll play with some wand to help him play hunt. I would highly recommend that if you have a pet, or you know someone who has a pet, take time to enjoy those amazing emotional and mental benefits.

6. Send a meme to your "person"

I have a friend who routinely sends me memes, just to reach out and connect. It ALWAYS brings a small smile to my face. So, instead of waiting around for other people to send you memes, try sending some to your friends, significant other, or sister. Enjoy all the guaranteed small smiles to come.

7 Make small talk with a cashier

Even when I'm grumpy, it can be really life-giving to chat with people when I'm going about my errands. Avoiding social interactions always makes me grumpier. A small chat, even about the weather can truly bring a small smile to our face.

8. Clean your kitchen

It wouldn't be a one of my posts without a call to clean our kitchens! Whenever I look down at an empty sink, I can't help but feel a small smile coming up on my face. Firstly, it's very freeing to get the chores done, but secondly, it always makes me feel like I've accomplished something with my life!

Indulging in my routines and enjoying the mundanity of life always makes me smile. It's important to realize that funny, happy, or sweet things aren't the only things that will make us smile. Accomplishing things and putting things into order will ALSO make us smile

9. Be bold in ONE area

This one will be different for everyone. I truly think that many of us are constantly walking around with something on our minds that we're avoiding. Today, I encourage you to take a step towards boldness in that area: for me, this often means dealing with a stack of papers, or cleaning out my DM's.

Being bold doesn't only apply to kissing someone, standing up for yourself, or asking for a promotion: it applies to the boring parts of life too. Take charge, be bold, and enjoy the smiles.

10. Change your phone background

A good phone clean-out does WONDERS for the soul. Now, I need to do this more than anyone... I have the bad habit of letting old unnecessary photos and screen shots pile up and you're talking to "Miss 30 unopened chats ." But in the meantime, I think it can be really good to just switch up our phone backgrounds to something that will give us a small smile.

For awhile, my phone background was a photo of a rococo castle that I liked.. It was kind of busy and nerdy looking, but honestly, we can't help what makes us smile!

11. Be weird

I was a really weird kid: I was completely socially aware, BUT I had a strange sense of humor and I had pretty odd interests like deep sea animals and geishas. I truly feel like that childhood weirdness lingers just beneath the surface of my personality.

There is just something about life that is so absolutely WEIRD to me. Seriously, Life is wacky. It's unpredictable, crazy, and weird. I say that we embrace this weirdness, and indulge our unique qualities and unpredictable traits. Don't spend your life trying to fit in: embrace the weird, and enjoy the small smiles that follow.

12. Switch up your commute

I think it's easy to get stuck in our routines. I think life can feel boring and mundane when we fail to seek out adventure and explore the world right in front of us. Maybe tomorrow, on the way home, try to take the long way, or stop to get a coffee. Take a different way home and try to mix up your routine. Even a small glimpse of something new can be enough to ignite a small smile.

13. Go for a walk

I know, I know... EVERY blog suggests this. But I have to say friend, if everyone is giving this advice, it might be because it's THE best advice. Take a page from Elizabeth Bennett's book (LOL) and learn to take a walk. I do this when I need to get my heart pumping, and it ALWAYS makes me smile. It's just nice to get moving and go on an adventure.

14. Wrap up in a HUGE blanket

Specially in the colder months or just a rainy day, I seriously think that a good "cocoon session" is something that everyone needs to do once in a while. There's something so comforting and calming about wrapping up in cozy blanket. Maybe it takes us all back to the comfort of the womb LOL.

Smiles can happen during moments of connection, accomplishment, and peace, and cocooning DEFINITELY helps us achieve peace. Bonus points? Add a cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate

15. Spend time baking

Baking brings confidence, AND sugar highs. It is the perfect combination to help us achieve the small smile. Besides, it’s something fun to do with friends and family.

16. Embrace it when "things go wrong"

I have a loooooooooot of weaknesses. I do. I'm fearful, needy, lazy, and so much more. BUT, I do have one thing going for me: I have always been able to embrace the mistakes in life. Whenever something doesn't work out, I always like to say that it's because it "wasn't meant to be." I think I find a lot of joy and peace in the idea that everything is under control and that God is workin on my behalf, even when things go wrong.

Embracing the weird is just like embracing the mistakes. I think that when we flip trouble on its head, we can really begin to enjoy life and smile

17. Sing out loud

This is my final piece of advice: I really find a lot of joy in the act of singing loudly in my car to old songs. There's something very positive about releasing our voices and emotions. Even the nostalgia of music from our youth can really bring about a lot of smiles! So yes, please blast that T-Swift, and sing OUT LOUD!

[icravebooks]

Troubled paradise

Yoongi x reader

Genre:arranged marriage au, strangers to fiance to partner??, crack?? Angst if you squint your eyes. Ceo yoongi, spoiled brat reader, Richie rich vibes.

Summary: yoongi wanted to get some sleep before the dreaded day but seems like you and your idiot trio has plans to ruin his night. Yoongi seem to learn something very important to you thanks to the drinks.

Warning: mention of alcohol, reader is hella drunk, she is a light drinker, yoongi is jelly, maknae line are the reason yoongi is jelly, *takes a deep breath* THEY ARE KISSING!! Domestic yoongi, yoongi making pancakes, yoongi being a caring husband even before they get married.

Word count: 10k

Part 1, part 2

Part 3

Isn't it common for people to get cold feet a day before their marriage?, but what about when you Don't even know why you are getting married?, or what about when you are not sure what you feel for your partner ?, yoongi always had one rule, if feelings get overwhelming, sleep. He didn't like the anxiety and many might think he doesn't feels a thing but he does.

So to counter that yoongi opted to sleep, he was supposed to get a good amount of sleep before facing the dreaded day, now supposed to and did are different for a reason and we all know when one is to be married with a spoiled troublemaker they must stay on there toes at all given times, poor yoongi didn't though.

A groan escaped his lips at the sound of his phone going off again and again, he rolled on his bed looking at the digital alarm clock beside his bed.

02:00 a.m.

A sigh escaped yoongi's lips as he braced himself to listen to you speak about some weird ass theory over Bermuda triangle or whatever it is you decided is a worthy topic for today, sliding the answer button he brought the phone to his ear to speak only for his mouth to stop half agape when the sounds from other side made his eyebrows furrow.

The sound of you giggling along with the muffled voices probably arguing and wait..was that a dog barking ?, where the heck were you?, yoongi felt a surge of nerves blasting through his veins at the possibilities that outlined this situation.

"Where are you y/n?" Yoongi tried to keep the panic or irritation out of his voice, you were supposed to be home right now, he knew your parents didn't let you move out of their house because of the very said title you carry around, now the question was how were you not home and somewhere out with God knows who.

".where am I?.." the sound of your probably drunk giggles followed your slurred words making yoongi even more frustrated, his one hand flew to his forehead to massage a starting ache down while he tried to digest the fact that you were drunk too, the muffled voices from behind you became more clear, probably a bantering about what you guys should eat.

Yoongi recognised the voice it was none other than the troubling trio, "are you with the guys?" Yoongi tried to gain your attention who was humming and whining for reasons entirely unknown to him (pineapple pizza wasn't exactly a good take out option), "yes!..OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW!" He had to pull his face a good distance away from his phone, damn why were you shouting at freaking 2 in the morning, yoongi couldn't help but grit his teeths in anger, great you were out with males so late at night.

Yoongi could feel the acidic burn of jealousy in the pit of his stomach and why shouldn't he be?, those idiots let you drink such late at night and yoongi knew you weren't good with alcohol, you rarely drank and you were extremely an honest,clumsy drinker, your words not his.

"You should be home right now." Yoongi gritted out not trying to keep his calm with how far gone you sounded, "come on yoongi it's my wedding tomorrow let me be a free bird." You whined obviously pouting at his words, yoongi could already see you pouting in his mind looking hazed and wasted. That image didn't help if anything it made the acidic feeling burn brighter.

"Come on sweets leave your damn husband to be alone for one night." It was probably jungkook yes even he sounded a little drunk but was still better than you, yoongi could hear the other two morons snickering at Jungkook's words while you grumbled, "jk's right jelly beans tonight you are ours." You might have missed the flirty tone in taehyung's tone because you were drunk (or clearly used to it) but yoongi wasn't and he didn't liked the fact that they were flirting with his wife while he had to sit back and listen to you giggling and laughing like a fucking giddy teenager.

"Y/n send me the location now." Yoongi demanded his voice dropping down a few octaves to make sure that you knew there was no room for arguments, he could hear you whining the sound making him want to scoff, even drunk you are bratty, "babes where are we?" Your voice sounded hazy like you were close to dozing off, yoongi raised an eyebrow in amusement his face morphing between frustration and amused, did you just call one of those idiots baby??

"We are at kookie's troubled paradise, just how many drinks did you let her have Tae?" Jimin was trying to scold Tae but if anything his voice sounded smug and amused no traces of any concern or worry lacing his tone, if yoongi gritted his teeth with a little more force he could turn his teeth into powder. It wasn't that yoongi didn't trust your friends, he knew they wouldn't harm you intentionally but they were all drunk and let's just say yoongi didn't wanted to see you getting to close to anyone of them in that hazy state of yours.

"Don't leave I am coming to get you." Yoongi had to be calm he reminded himself you were probably not going to remember anything you did or said but that just increased the risk of you being reckless a hundred percent more, he could hear the men groaning on the other end probably hearing yoongi's command, wait he was on speaker?, just what kinda drunk are you?!

"This is not fair sweets, we wanted to give you a proper goodbye single life party."

"Exactly jelly beans we are just getting started remember we decided on three D's for the night."

"Drink, Dumplings and Dick Sweets you can't add ditch in the list."

Yoongi's steps halted just inches away from touching the floor, Dumplings and what?, dick??, they were trying to get you laid?, and that to a night before your wedding??(not exactly even a night before), if yoongi was feeling jealous before he was now God knows what, pictures of you flashed in his mind in a rather compromising position.

"Sorry yoongi I am not coming with you." Like heck you wouldn't, yoongi didn't had to think when he left his room letting the door swings open with a lot more force than was needed, snatching his keys from the stand next to his television set. All the while you were busy giggling at the idiots cheering, what was wrong with you all.

"Woah that's like our girl now should we decide whose d you are taking first."

Okay that has to be the last straw, yoongi swears that if he found you sitting even close to one of them he was going to commence an offence unforgivable by law, and you had the nerve to hum like you were really giving it a thought, "I don't know, you All are hot." Yoongi couldn't help punching the wall on his way out, shutting the door to his apartment with a loud thud (thankfully the complex has sound proof walls.)

"Y/n!" There was a barking tone in his voice, jaw clenched tight while he could hear you giggle not realising just how far you had pushed his button, he knew you had been trying to do this for sometime now and congratulation to you, you just succeeded.

"Whaat ?! yoongi caan't you see wait let me rephrrase thaat can't you heaar wee we are tryying to haave a important discussion, so shhh." Why were you pushing his buttons even more?, was it a prank or something?, Why would you want to make yoongi pissed so much that he would have to hold himself back from breaking a few glasses or doors maybe (as hot as that would be.).

Yoongi remember the ten second rule he made for everytime his anger got the best of him, just take in deep breathes hold it in count till ten and then.."maybe we could do a foursome."

You know what?, fuck it! Yoongi would rather just smash some glasses or maybe throw hands with whoever he makes eye contact with on his way to you, "y/n! I am gonna say this the last time don't you dare to more even a finger from where you are sitting, if I find anyone and I say anyone within 5 meter radius of you, I swear I am gonna kill them with my bare hands and the blame would be on you."

Yoongi detonated growling like a mad man (not raising his voice might I add) not caring if you were drunk or weren't able to register his words in proper sense, he was going to engraved them on your mind when he gets to you. He would make sure you remember not to test him again.

You didn't reply scoffing at his biting tone he would keep note of that, later he would make it up to you for that but right now all he needed was you to sit back and listen to him.

"You don't even know the address yoongi." There was a drunk innocent giggly smug in your comment, yoongi couldn't help the evil smirk that turned his lips, "oh love how innocent you are." There was sarcasm dripping from his tone as he made his way to his car, yoongi wasn't stupid you were going to be his wife (clearly not because he was interested in you) and he needed to know just whom you hanged out with and if they possessed any danger to you or where to find you incase he needed.

You gave him a questioning hum in response clearly out of your wits to understand his comment, "I am on my way y/n stay put." Yoongi instructed turning on the ignition before hitting the gas.

*******************************************

"Sweets?"

"Hmm?"

"Y/n?"

"What kookie?"

"Umm I really don't think I wanna die before attending your wedding." Jungkook declared trying to push you off his lap while you were too drunk to care, his words did made you feel wounded so you pulled away from the crook of his neck pouting at the muscular bunny, you poked his right cheek with your index finger giggling at how soft his cheeks were.

"Why would you die?" You questioned pouting sadly at Jungkook's words, jungkook sighed looking even more sober than moments earlier, he grabbed your wrist softly bringing the back of it to his lips and placing a chaste kiss to it, There was so much adoration in his eyes that even your hazy brain register some of it.

"Yoongi might show up any moment now sweets and as much as I love you dear bestie get off me before he murders me for probably compromising his innocent wife." Jungkook gently picked you up from his lap (your whining and protests falling into deaf ears.) like you weighted nothing and placed you beside him on the sofa keeping a good distance from you, you just whined pouting like a 5 years old throwing a tantrum while your other two best friends snickered.

"I am glad we added the three d thing on that call." Jimin whispered to taehyung smirking evily, taehyung took a sip of his drink nodding his head in agreement his eyes fixed on your form which was sitting there with her arms folded back pressed against the couch meanwhile that cute little pout was still on your lips, they were trying to get a rise from you about how you felt about yoongi but all they got was things like he is a good sport or something along the line, they were quite amused that you were still being so tight lipped even after being drunk.

That brought the call plan into affect and it wasn't much hard to convince you to act along with them let's just say you were easier to manipulate when drunk. "I say it was a rather bad idea, that man could really kill one of us." Jungkook reasoned keeping the fear off his tone, his bambi eyes wide as a shudder shook his body.

"Yoongi's not that bad." Your voice was small almost squeaky and cute like you were talking to a 2 years old, the boys raised an eyebrow looking at you with a new found amusement which didn't lasted long when the doorbell was jammed in rather non graceful way.

The boys exchanged a glance, jungkook swallowing thickly, taehyung rolling his eyes while jimin just smirked smugly waiting for you to acknowledge the arrival, jimin stood from his seat letting the younger bunny off his misery and going to answer the door which when he did brought you out of your reiver, "is the pizza here?!" Yoongi exhaled heavily passing jimin without even giving him a second glance (if his side murderous glare doesn't counts) and walking into the living room of Jungkook's penthouse.

There you were eyes wide and sparkling while you wobbled a little from standing up too quick (pizza was worth a try), your hand grabbing your head probably spinning because of how quick you stood up giving taehyung the perfect opportunity to do the last touch to their plan, taehyung rushed to your side grabbing your arms softly as he turned your around to check in on you.

You shoot him a drunk smile giving a thumbs up to tell him that you were okay when you saw the question clear in his eyes,he would have still done it even if it was not part of the plan but to say that yoongi was riled at that simplest of act would be understatement, he stalked closer to you both ripping you (gently) from taehyung's hold and turning you around so that you were now facing him.

Taehyung just raised an eyebrow, his eyes flashing the amusement barely concealed with a questioning look on his face, yoongi just rolled his eyes keeping his hold on your firm but gentle, your eyebrows furrowed your gaze moving up to meet the face of the man you would be referring to as your husband in a few couple of hours.

Your face lightened up at the registration of his face, "yoongi!" You squeaked throwing your arms around the man's neck and tiptoeing to place a quick kiss to his cheek, yoongi froze his eyes widening while they moved down to look at your faces inches away from his, face flushed with the alcohol in your system and that damn giggle he had been hearing for an hour now.

The other three just stood there observing the exchange and stealing meaning full eye conversation, they knew this wasn't as simple as an arranged marriage, they knew even before this night when you had been talking non stop about how you pushed yoongi's limits and when you particularly went to his office to create a scene because he didn't even consider coming to the dress trial.

So they weren't surprised by the way yoongi looked like someone had dropped a box of blushing powder on his face or the way you were grinning up at him, "you should join us we just orders Dumplings, do you like Dumplings?!! It's okay if you don't we ordered pizza too!!, wait you like pizza right?!" You ranted on not giving the poor guy whose heart your just made run a marathon a chance to speak.

"Yeah you should join us." It was Jungkook's offer that made yoongi snap out of your magical trance, his eyes turned into narrow slits as he fixed his glare at the males around you. "This was all your plan wasn't it?" Yoongi's glare was fixed on jimin who just smiled innocently before pouting and shrugging his shoulder like he didn't knew what yoongi was talking about.

"Don't be mean to jimin he was trying to give me a good farewell." Your small slurry voice came from below while you wrapped your arms around yoongi's torso and snuggled closer to his chest, burying your face in his t-shirt humming in delight at how good he smelled.

Yoongi rolled his eyes trying to conceal the fact that you were this close to him, he was glad that you were drunk enough to not register just how fast his heart was beating.

"the parties over I am taking her with me." Yoongi announced before detaching himself from you (reluctantly), he looked at the male gathering if anyone of them were going to protest but they just nodded, it surprised yoongi slightly it made him feel like there was something fishy but he didn't questioned. As long as you were leaving it didn't matter.

"Don't take her to her parent's they will not take it kindly." Taehyung added not wanting you to get in trouble because of them, yoongi already knew that. he wasn't stupid to take you to your parents when he knew this would again be one of the reason they will make you feel like you are a disappointment, he knew it well but when he saw the way the boys cared about you he couldn't deny that he felt grateful that you surrounded yourself with them.

"Bye jelly beans." Taehyung sang cheerfully when you turned around and hugged him, yoongi tried to keep the acidic feeling down knowing it was just a casual friends hug not ripping taehyung off you even when taehyung placed a kiss on your forehead (yoongi thinks glaring daggers don't count as anything), you hummed sleepily hugging taehyung tightly before you walked to jungkook and placed a quick kiss to his forehead meanwhile giggling and almost tripping over his foot, jungkook didn't looked up knowing exactly well that yoongi was trying to bore a whole in his skull.

"Bye kookieee." You sang before walking to where jimin was wobbling and swaying a little, you almost fell but was thankfully saved by jimin who just smiled all angelic at you like he wasn't the one who got your man pissed, "you owe us one d." Jimin stated placing a kiss on your cheek while you just nodded, yoongi gritted his teeth clenching his jaw to keep himself from punching jimin Square at the face, jimin wasn't like his other two friends he loved playing people's patience for fun but knew when to stop.

He knew he was safe till the moment you were around to handle yoongi (no matter if you were drunk), he let his eyes trail back to yoongi a mischievous glint in his eyes paired with his mischievous smile, "I meant Dumplings." He drawled wiggling his eyebrows suggestively just to rile yoongi even further.

"Ofcourse I am not gonna suc.." heaven help yoongi if you ever completed that sentence he butt in before you could, placing his hand on your shoulder making you stop talking and turn to look at him, your vision dancing making you see two of him before they merged into one and you grinned like a giddy teenager.

"It late, we need to leave." Yoongi stated calmly not wasting a second to grab your hand with his and intertwining his fingers with yours, your just smiled happily not objecting not saying Any other word as he grabbed your hand and guided you to the elevator.

He didn't say anything the whole way to his car neither did he say anything when he helped you into the passenger seat and helped you buckle up trying his best not to let his mind wander at the fact that you were so close that he could smell the alcohol infused with your damn coffee vanilla scent, if he gets his hand on which brand of perfumes you use he would make sure to buy it and make sure that it was only you who could smell like that.

"Are we going for a drive?" You questioned excited when yoongi started to drive finally your alcohol driven brain registered that you weren't anymore in Jungkook's pent house but in yoongi's rather luxurious car, yoongi just sighed smiling softly at the fact how you looked even more younger now that you were drunk.

"We are going home love." Yoongi informed keeping his eyes fixed on the Road not seeing how your face dropped, you went silent your alcohol brain going into a whole turbulence over the word home, it was only when yoongi realised that you had been silent far too long for being you, did he turned his eyes in your direction to see the way you were biting your lower lip trying to stopping them from quivering, his whole body tensed when he saw the sorrow on your face.

"Hey y/n what's wrong?" He kept his voice gentle to not scare you further his hands coming to grab yours and give it a little squeeze that was all it took for you to break into sobs your hands moving to your face to hide your face totally forgetting that yoongi had one of yours hands in his now it was wet with your breamed tears.

"I don't wanna go home." Your muffled cracked voice sounding even more small because of how much you were crying it made yoongi's heart feel twisted in pain, he looked away at the road sighing trying to find words to comfort you. Yoongi was never good with feelings and comforting others wasn't something he would ever master on but he had to try atleast there something that he could do for you considering he had first hand experience inthe outcome of toxic parenting.

It's so hard to deal with toxic parenting when people don't seem to understand in what sense the toxicity exist, different people bring in different opnion and most people try to wave the toxicity off with the reasoning of rebellious children, yoongi knows what it is like to feel like a failure, to not be good enough even for the people that brought you into this world to consider you enough, he knows that it is in all actuality the mistake of parents but it's far easier to blame maturing minds than those minds that have attained maturity according to society no matter how toxic and bullshitty they are, yoongi's heart teared at the sound of yours sobs, he made a promise to himself that starting today you won't be subject to this, he will never allow that, you are his starting today (doesn't matters that you are still to exchange vows) and he will make sure that no one and no one has the right to say anything mean to you.

Yoongi was so lost in his thought that He didn't see it coming the sound of the clicking of the door lock made his eyes widened and he whipped his head in your direction so quick that it would have gave him whiplash, "y/n! what are you doing?!" Yoongi yelled placing a hand at your torso to keep you flushed against the seat while he brought the car to a rather sudden halt feeling thankful for having you buckled up and for reacting quickly, a second late and you could have opened that damn door and God help him had you been harmed while under his watch.

"I don't wanna go home." You mumbled head hanging down with embarrassment or whatever it was your drunken brain was registering, a exasperated sigh sounded from yoongi his one hand still firmly pressed against your torso and the other he was using to rack through his hairs.

"That doesn't mean you jump out of a moving car." He scolded letting his tone raise at you for the first time, his heart was in his throat he could feel the pounding just what were you thinking, his eyes were dark and hard on your figure, his breathe a little raged at your stupid act, you could have hurt yourself, yoongi was sure that if he had a list on things not to let you do drinking would make the top of it. (In bold letter with exclamation marks for emphasis.)

He bit his inner bottom lip when you flinch at the slight raise of his tone instant guilt hitting him, this is why he didn't wanted to raise his voice at you, this is what he feared, he feared seeing just how bad were you traumatised, he didn't like the fact that you were starting to take a toll on him, gosh the way he wanted to confront your parents the way he wanted to make you sit back and listen to just how absolutely divine you were.

Wait..was he..okay now wasn't the time to confront emotions not when you were a flight risk, he took in a few deep breathes eyes still fixed on your figure, it was when he knew that he was in control enough to talk to you he finally decided to speak. "I am not gonna take you to your parents, I am taking you to my apartment it is your house starting today anyways." He made sure he was as soft spoken and gentle as he could be with being sleep deprived, jealous attacks and a random almost suicide attempt by a drunk you.

Your eyes flew to meet his right when he stopped talking your lower lip jutted out still trembling a little while your small sniffs filled the silence, you didn't say anything just stayed silent nodding before turning back to look ahead of you, yoongi watched you with a perplexed expression not sure if he could trust you to do that whole stupidity again with just how out of your mind you were at the moment, finding no definite answer and not wanting to risk your safety he did the one thing he knew was a terrible idea. (In his mind it wasn't but he is too stubborn to admit that.)

He snorted closing his eyes and fisting his hands tight his jaw clenched trying to summon even single ounce of resistance he could before opening his eyes and unbuckling his seatbelt followed by him leaned in towards you and proceeding to undo your seat belt which was accompanied by him pulling back a little so that he could pick you up from yours seat, his one hands going behind your back to hold you and the other slipping beneath yours knees.

You just sat there smiling looking at how perfectly flawless model like skin he had now that you looked from this close, hands itching to just move forward and touch his cheeks but stopping yourself because of how he had scolded you a moment earlier, a squeak left your mouth when he picked you up effortlessly and situated you both on the driver seat your legs dangling on one side while your were seated on his lap, his one arm encircled around your waist the other placing your head on his chest so that he could drive without any issues. (Not because he wanted to)

"Stay still." He instructed voice strained, trying to deny that fact that you felt so good against him, " I can for a life time." You mumbled flirting even in that hazed out state making yoongi roll his eyes while he didn't hide the smile that tugged the corner of his lips. Your hands reaching up to poke his cheeks giggling at the softness of his cheeks, yoongi tried hard to not smile at how warm and fuzzy his inside felt at the site of you like this, yoongi wouldn't admit but he agreed with you statement from moments earlier, he could stay like this for a lifetime.

You were snuggled up against him mumbling something or the other trying to be a smart mouth even in this wasted state, yoongi couldn't deny how he could feel desire growing within his viens at how your lips kept moving against his clothed chest, he tried hard to restrain himself, his hand that was wrapped around your waist was rubbing soothing circles anything to just relieve the growing uneasy he put himself in, his other hand holding the steering wheel so tight his knuckles had turned even more white. This night has to be one of the craziest one, His limits were being tested in all possible ways and who was responsible, you a rather drunk you who had no idea what you were actually doing.

You were totally oblivious to the way you were making him feel, totally zoned out to give a shit as you lazily hummed drawing patterns on his chest, you were being a torture yoongi had to use all his self restrain to not do something about it, he couldn't help cursing the idiot three for the state you were in, finding it obnoxious that they let you be this way.

It wasn't until yoongi had made it back to his apartment complex and had parked his car that he mustered the courage to look at you, and when he did he felt oxygen leaving his lungs you were already looking at him, and what with that look in your eyes. Not wanting to let his desires control him and mess up with your totally wasted self he helped you out of his car and carried you bridal style (excuse being that you would probably fall) to his apartment.

"Are we sleeping together?" You lazily questioned flashing him a wasted smile which yoongi didn't react to knowing this was the alcohol talking, who was he kidding this was typical you but he had to remind himself that you were drunk, he didn't answer you putting you down and leading you to your (not yet) bedroom, your somehow drunk mind still found it senses enough to admire your surroundings.

" it's freaking huge." You commented flashing a drunk but earnest smile a chuckle escaping the male at your rather blunt remark, your drunk self couldn't help but admire the way his whole face lighted when he smile or the way he looked a total different person in that exact moment, your alcohol driven senses made you turn towards him finally giving in to the desires, hands moving up to cup yoongi's face softly in your hands, yoongi stiffened eyes focused on your face inches away from his, breathe stuck in his throat while you were squishing his cheeks a giggle leaving your lips all the while yoongi was too stunned to speak only resorting to watch you with his whole face lightening up.

"You are cute." You hazily admitted giggling once again before moving closer to him and tiptoeing to place a kiss on his nose, clearly to drunk to register the sharp intake of breathe by yoongi, "you should smile more." You complained pulling back to look at him with narrowed glaring eyes and a scowl adoring your face.

It took everything in Yoongi's control to not grab your face and kiss you senseless, he swallowed harshly before pulling away from your hold and guiding you towards the bed, "you need to sleep." He didn't knew if those words were meant as a reminder to you or himself, not exactly sure what to conclude about his feelings for you, he was so lost in his thoughts that he missed the rug that was infront of him and ended up slipping, his fall was cushioned by the soft mattress of the bed but the fact that you ended up on top of him because he was still holding your hand or because you were particularly clinging to him ever since he saw you tonight.

A groan of frustration sounding from him at just how many cliches were happening and just how frustrating the whole night has been, his eyes opened when you started to laugh clearly finding this funny, drunk or not you were totally the same person.

It was only when he realised what postion you both were in that his whole body stiffened, you were trying to sit up body pressing against his even more, your hands were on his chest for support, you were straddling him!!, his clothed crotch was directly against your clothed heat, he could feel himself twitch and harden at the realization, he was thanking the heavens for you being drunk and not realising just how hard he was by now, the way this whole postion had his mind running into different scenarios.

"You are okay yoonie?" You chirped leaning down closer to his face to maybe look clearly, probably the alcohol making your vision blurry, he just stared deep into your eyes finding it hard to look away from you, he was sure he was hypnotised, you were like a siren calling to him, the urge he felt moments earlier of kissing you just increasing ten folds at your closeness, yoongi had to do something he needed fresh air but what could he do when you were this close or what could he do when you decided that it was a very good time to fucking kiss him.

Yes you fucking kissed him, yoongi's eyes went wide his brain hard at work to register that you were really kissing him, maybe it was the fact that you were drunk and nothing more but yoongi swear he felt a lot more than just desire, he wasn't drunk no he wasn't even in the slightest but still he couldn't get himself to push you away, his own lips chased yours his hands coming up to cradle your face, he could taste the alcohol in your kisses. His eyes closing in pure bliss, a groan escaping him when you moved a little grinding against him.

That serving as a reminder to the man that this wasn't even something you would do, it was enough to make him pull away from you almost reluctant, his eyes taking in your feature your eyes still closed breathed a little out of pattern, yoongi used the opportunity to cradle you and place you beside him so that he could slip off the bed.

"I bet you are not even gonna remember that in the morning." Yoongi mumbled bitterly to himself feeling a pain settle in the pits of his stomach, knowing that kiss would not even be real for you when it was all he would have, he couldn't love you, he couldn't, he can't love, he is not capable of love.

"Don't leave." Your pleading voice coming in a panicked whisper when yoongi tried to get off the bed, your arms wrapping around his torso to keep him from leaving, his movements halting, his racing heartbeat dropping and picking up again registering the sudden shift in the emotions, yoongi wanted to leave but you sounded so utterly broken that he couldn't get himself to leave you. He couldn't when you were this lost, it wasn't fair, he couldn't control himself long but he couldn't leave you either, this is why he hated you since the start you were going to be a problem he knew it.

"You are drunk y/n." That's all the reasoning he gave to you recieving an eager shake of your head, your forehead pressed against the side of his left arm, yoongi sighed feeling worn out with just so many things thrown his way in such a little while, he didn't knew what to make out of your behaviour, you were always so full of emotions that it was hard to understand just what he was supposed to concentrate on. "I am sorry..I am so s-orry, please don't leav-e m-e, I d-on't wannna fuuck th--is up too." Your broken pleads stinging his heart even more, his stomach tied into knots as he realised just what this was about. His mouth ran dry, a burning feeling igniting in his chest, the feelings he had long buried surfacing and mocking him through your words, you sounded so much like him, you sounded so much like a failure the same way he had been years back.

"I promi--se I won't le-t youu dowwn." Your voice cracked muffling to loud wail, you never could let him down how was he supposed to make you understand that, will you believe him if he just said the word or would you think it was just hollow words, yoongi turned on his sides facing you, gently grabbing your face and wiping your tears away with his thumb, his lips pressing against your hairline at regular intervals to keep you comforted while you cried your heart out.

"You didn't let anyone down y/n, your never did such a thing my love." Yoongi comforted letting you snuggle closer to him and hide your face in his chest hiccups shaking your body while he rubbed yours back to soothe the burning ache of trauma down. "No -yoong-i I did." Your voice was muffled your head shaking while your hand fisted his t-shirt, yoongi wanted to tell you just how wrong you were, he wanted to tell you just how much good you were, he wanted to tell you how he saw you but that wouldn't end well that wouldn't end well without you realising that this what you both had wasn't a simple relation and the possibility of scaring you away, no he couldn't.

"You didn't my love stop being so hard on yourself." Yoongi pleaded his voice acting like a soothing lotion to your burning soul, "I disappointed them, I failed so many times, I couldn't be the daughter they wanted, I couldn't be perfect like they wanted me to be.." you trailed off sniffing and pressing yourself even further into him, wanting to just feel the comfort he was radiating, to wanting to think about nothing but how at home you were feeling next to yoongi.

"But I tried yoongi, I trie--d so hard, but but..I just couldn't do it." You again broke out into hysterical cries wailing like an infant while yoongi mummered sweet nothings in your ear his lips pressed firmly in a straight line, his one hand rubbing your back while the other was holding the back of yours head, fingers interwined in your hairs massaging your scalp in some sort of comfort. He knew you needed those words out of your system but that made him wonder were you always like this when you drink and if you were why would your friends let you get drunk, if you looked this broken how could they manage to see you cry and not do something about it.

It was when yoongi was sure that your crying had come to a slowdown that he peeled you away from him so that he could look at your face, his one hand placed on your cheek thumb caressing the apple of your cheek, eyes so genuine that he knew your drunk mind would register the look even in that hazed out state partially thankful for not being sober or you would have seen the hearts in his eyes.

"it's not your fault that they weren't able to appreciate the good you had, there job was to be there for you no matter what you did and they failed, it doesn't has to be you taking the consequences of their actions, they never cared about you and just expected things from you, so you don't need to care either." Yoongi tried to make you believe each of his words, knowing you wouldn't remember it but that didn't stop him from expressing just how much he admired you or how much you deserved it.

"I know you care, ofcourse you do it's your parents but just because they are your parents doesn't means they get to decide your self worth, I don't care who they are, you will be mine starting today and the only opnion that should matter to you should be mine, do you know what I think of you?" He questioned keeping his voice serious the way he would use a tone to negotiate an important buisness deal.

You shook your head your eyes not meeting his not ready to register the look in them, a fear residing in your stomach that if you looked up you would see the look of disappointment in them like you have seen all your life.

yoongi didn't liked the fact that you weren't meeting his eyes, he hooked his fingers below your chin tilting it up so that you knew just how much he meant each of his words, "you are a whole adventure, a whole fucking adventure, jimin calls you troubled paradise and I can't agree more you are exactly paradise not realising your own self worth and that is what has you troubled, you aren't meant to be a satisfactory or perfect human you need to be you and that's what I admire about you, you can never let me down y/n and I don't give a fuck if even you feel any other way about yourself from now all you need to care about is my opnion." Yoongi poured his heart out making sure to conceal anything that could give him away, he had to be careful incase you remembered.

But he made sure you knew And he knew you did when you started to cry again but this time not denying his words nor saying Anything, you cried until sleep engulfed you.

********************************************

Isn't it irritating when one is trying to sleep and feel sunlight hitting there face like it's filling the crack of a missing sibling who always loves to annoy us, okay let's rethink that to say that you were annoyed would be showing just the tip of what you felt at the moment with that blaring headache and the sun deciding it was a good day to be a bitch was enough to set anyone off.

You groaned turning on the other side to shield yourself from the merciless light throwing a hand over your eyes, "kookie shut the curtains please." You pleaded keeping your eyes shut and trying to get in a more comfortable postion, weird mostly when you stayed back at one of the guys house they would always cuddle up in the morning, why was the bed so empty today also why didn't it smelled like Jungkook's regular cologne, your sleepy brain didn't give much mind to it only frowning when no effort was made by the very said friend.

"Jungkook shut that damn curtain." You groaned throwing a pillow from beside you, it was such an used environment to you that you knew where to throw a kick or some object to locate the guys and with that damn headache splitting your brain you couldn't be any more patient.

"You are up?" You hummed sleepily cuddle further into the warmth of the blankets, wait that Isn't Jungkook's voice, and why in heavens did it sound like yoongi?! your eyes opened in an instant the arm over your eyes coming down, you turned your head towards the source of the voice finding a rather domestic looking yoongi standing by the door leaning against the door frame, gone were the suits and formal button down with slack, stood before you in all his glory was yoongi in a white cotton v neck t-shirt and black pajama arms crossed making his form seem muscular with the way his biceps were bulging out in the slightest, you would have stared shamelessly had the headache not decided to be a bitch with just how it was paining so bad. Your insides feeling even more agitated by the fact that you would have to pass on such a good opportunity to ogle him.

You groaned propling yourself up on your left elbow while you massaged your forehead with the other, "Where am I?" You questioned out loud not missing the footsteps that moved closer and were soon replaced by an arm around your shoulder helping you to sit up the warmth rolling of him in waves, your nostrils filling with his familiar scent, you tried to rake your brain for last night updates but found none, yoongi handed you a pill for the headache and a glass of water to down it.

"Our apartment." It took everything in you to not choke at the fact that you didn't even remember how you had ended up here and secondly did yoongi just said our?? Instead of his??, you were glad your lips were tightly pressed against the glass downing the cool liquid down your suddenly dry throat, you were sure your face might be red thanking the sun for the first time since you woke up for being an excuse if yoongi dared question the redness of your face, but he didn't he just let you be probably knowing just how much your headache was being a real damn problem. You swear you would never drink again stupid you for being tempted by taehyung's boxy siren smile.

Yoongi told you to get fresh and come for breakfast, he didn't stayed back and you were glad because you needed a moment, you decided to listen to him after admiring the whole room which seem to have come out of one of those YouTube videos you saw with jungkook and then the walk in closet that surprised you when you found all new branded clothes perfectly your size hanging in there paired with all those matching footwear and bags, you knew you had jokingly told yoongi a few times that you were going to drain his money by being a material girl but you never thought he would take that serious, you were literally amazed and actually giddy when you came across them not entirely sure what to make of this gesture of yoongi, he would probably say because you are my wife or whatever but holy shit even after being from a rich family and loving shopping didn't help at the moment.

after an eternity (actually 20 minutes) of checking everything out you reluctantly left to get fresh.

*******************************************

Yoongi always thought marrying would be something he wouldn't do and if he did he surely will marry someone who will be mature, mature in the sense would know that yoongi wasn't looking for love and so shouldn't anyone in him, someone who would keep there distance from him and won't try to force conversation or make their presence known to him, he never expected he would marry a walking trouble machine that has 24/7 redbull wings energy and can't stop flirting with him and worst of all he never expected he would actually like the possibility.

The padded sound of slippers hitting the tiles in a soft rhythmic manner a little rushed but still not disturbing (he wouldn't find them disturbing even if they were) resonating in the otherwise serene apartment informed yoongi of your arrival, yoongi braced himself practicing his stoicness for your scary jumps or rather infiltrating behaviour, "since when do you play a fucking piano?!" Your surprsie was barely concealed the tone of your voice making him bite back a smile, yoongi just glanced briefly at you from over his shoulder and returned back to his work, he made sure you didn't see the happy smile on his face at the fact of you wearing one of the dresses he got for you, something possessive clicking inside of him feeling like you were his, childish for someone who was said to be mature but not something he wanted to correct. "since I was 12??" He questioned tone bored trying to act unaffected shrugging for added emphasis, he could feel the heat of your gaze on him also could hear the slight dramatic gasp you just let out at his words.

He didn't say anything waiting for your comment but was met with the sound of your footsteps that stopped inches behind him, he didn't react to them still trying to do his best but he lost all that act when you peeked over his shoulder looking at the pancakes that were being cooked, yoongi gulped harshly at how he could particularly feel your heat, your hands on his shoulder to keep you up while you tiptoed to look at his art, you could feel the rigidness of his muscles under your touch, you might or might not have done this intentionally but it wasn't like you could help it, being a Baker and smelling something sweet always gets the best of your instinct.

You looked at the pancakes slowly turning the delicious brownish golden shade the heavenly scent filling your nose when you sniffed closing your eyes and humming in approval, you could feel yoongi watching you but that didn't hazed you even in the slightest, your spoiled brat taking the lease in hand and putting the man in even more misery by turning to face him, your face inches away from his.

Yoongi didn't look away, he was trying to put an unaffected act but it was hard when you were smiling softly all angelic towards him, face so close to his, body particularly clinging to his back, It made him wonder how was he going to survive even a month with you like this or was he even going to make it a week before he did something he might regret.

"You can cook too?" You sounded genuinely curious and surprised, yoongi just nodded his head turning his head back toward the work at hand clearly not able to hold your gaze any longer without feeling the strong urge to taste if your lips still tasted like they did last night.

You gasped animatedly pulling away from him and stumbling back which made yoongi raise a brow in amusement, he turned back to face you seeing the way you were looking at him like he told you that the fairytale were actually a lie, "this ain't fair, i find on the morning before my wedding that you play a piano, you know how to cook, what's next huh you have a pet??" You tried to sound betrayed eyes wide and glaring at yoongi, that usual pout on your face while you jabbed a finger in his direction, yoongi just rolled his eyes hands stuffed in his pocket his lips pulled down in a downturned smile which even he seems to not able to control.

"A dog and a cat." He simply informed keeping his tone bored clearly biting his tongue to hold back a chuckle when you gasped jaw going slack and a hand coming to your chest like the blow was physical, you were such an animated person it was hard to stay serious with you, yoongi watched you exhale sharply before you turned your eyes back to him from the floor, your eyes narrowing into thin slits glaring at the man in joking rage.

"That's it, I am calling off the wedding." You announced throwing your hands in the air, keeping your expression serious even though you wanted to smile widely when yoongi chuckle sarcastically for the first time since you had known him (2 months seems like a lot of time), "seriously this isn't even that big." Yoongi commented running his finger through his hairs watching how your eyes jumped to them before you actually gained your self control back and scoffed at his words.

"Are you for real??, a morning before my wedding I find out that I am gonna be a mother to two babies and it isn't even big?!, I know nothing about the man I am about to call my husband after a few hours." You talked animatedly waving your arms in the air making yoongi sigh while a small smile graced his lips, "it never came up love that's all.." yoongi trailed off realising what he just did, he called you what??, you recovered from the shock far quicker than yoongi, your eyes lighting mischievously while you pouted narrowing your eyes but that happy expression on your face, you were good at concealing the fact that your heart jumped at his words, "your buttering ain't gonna make me drop my decision." You joked trying to make it anything but awkward you could see the pink on yoongi's cheeks that alone making you want to kiss him..wait..what..okay..nevermind you had a crush on him anyway.

Yoongi visibly relaxed at your comment, glad that you didn't question his words, he chuckled at your words nodding his head, "okay okay fine I am sorry I should have told you." Yoongi apologized raising his hands up in surrender, "not convinced need more than that." You conditioned trying to hold back the tugging of your lips resisting a smile, yoongi stayed silent for a moment biting his inner cheek before he decided to speak, "how about pancakes?" He questioned tipping his chin towards the pan that was still on the stove, which he had made sure to turn off when he started to defend himself against you.

A smile broke on your lips, slightly mischievous but still a little fake stoic, "only if I can see my babies photos after breakfast and hear more about the piano and you in general." You conditioned not letting this amazing opportunity slip, it was about time you inflirated him on level 2, yoongi didn't take time to nod his agreement anything than having to see you angry with him even if it was fake and he enjoyed it.

You squealed skipping to the small dinning table that was situated in the middle of the kitchen a little distance from the kitchen island, the full floor to ceiling window overlooking the amazing view of the city, yoongi finally broke into a big smile doing quick work of the pancakes and a cup of coffee for you both, he didn't let you help in setting up the table stating you had a hectic day ahead of you.

Finally when you both started to eat a silence fell over you both, it wasn't awkward but was rather comforting but yoongi could see the question clear in your eyes knowing exactly well what you were thinking, "you weren't any different than your usual self, didn't do anything embarrassing to the point I was around." Yoongi assured you keeping his gaze fixed on his food, you looked up from your plate which you had been glaring at for a few good minutes now, you sighed relieved by his statement, "really?" You asked a little hesitant that was the first time he has seen you like this, yoongi nodded his head keeping his expression nonchalant, seeing you visibly slumping at his reassurance.

"Thank God I honestly don't do good with drinking." You chatted digging into your food, turning back to your usual chatty self making yoongi smile, "I saw that." He agreed hiding his obvious smile behind the mug of coffee as he took a sip from it, that had you stopping mid way through putting a pancake in your mouth, you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at him analysing if he was mocking you not finding anything but genuineness in his tone you had no other option than to let him off the hook, "do you sneak out often?" Yoongi's sudden question genuinely surprised you drawing a giggle from you, acting all serious you acted like you were really giving his question a thought humming while you bit into a piece of pancake, "not often just every Tuesday Thursday and Saturday." You answered casually keeping your expression extremely relaxed making the male sigh while a smile graced his face, your heartbeat spiking up at the view of his gummy smile.

God you needed to do something about this stupid crush or your survival mission would become a rather dangerous one, "I forgot your definition of often is different." He mused sarcasm dripping thick from his words the smile still there making you reply back with a boyish smile of yours, "still though it's a surprise your parents don't know." Yoongi commented clearly laying out his curiosity and admiring for you at this brave escapades of yours.

You just shrugged smiling proudly, "advantage of having busy parents beside if they do find out I am not home I could always make an excuse." You explained casually winking at yoongi mischievous both to see that affectionate eye roll and also to put emphasis to your words, "and what would today's excuse be?" He questioned raising a brow, you grinned evily feeling extremely joyed for having such a good conversation on such a dread day, "simple i would use you." You answered pointing your fork in yoongi's direction making the male chuckle his mouth agape in disbelief at how blunt you were being, he didn't see any traces of request in your tone it was just like you were informing him.

"Why do I have a feeling that this isn't the first time i am being used for this little night outs of yours?" He questioned sounding anything but offended, a lop-sided smile plastered on his face making you smirk in agreement, "no wonder you are so successful." You sang chirpy making him scoff in disbelief, that surprised but not so surprised expression on his face while he face palmed clearly knowing it before hand.

Everything went silent for a moment, yoongi didn't hide his smile like he usually would around people, he knew you had already seen through the facade he made for the world to see, And it wasn't he needed that around you, you weren't someone he needed to keep his walls up around and he was slowly starting to pull them down for you.

"So.." when you started to speak yoongi already knew what was coming wasn't going to be good, he could sense the nuisance With that look on your face, "if you plan on eloping remember to count me in." Your announcement in that no joke tone threw him off guard making the man's mouth to fall agape for a moment before his mouth finally decided to work in accordance with his brain, a laugh melodic to your ears rumbling from somewhere of the dark abyss of his chest filled the room.

The barely concealed amusement evident in his eyes as he resigned again remember he quite honestly signed up for this torturing form of entertainment himself, but it wasn't he who was to be blamed, you were...trouble and somehow yoongi liked having trouble.

He didn't knew that chaos was what he craved, having lived so far with the simple idea of a silent life he never thought that adventure was something his soul drew him too, "what would we be the avoiding by  eloping together?" He tried to find any rationality to your earlier monologue knowing fully well that they wasn't even an ounce of thought put by you to logistics before you opened your mouth.

He recieved a thoughtful hum from you in reply, a sound rather simple and nothing special but somehow it vibrated deep within his body, something setting off within him, his mind dragging him to surfaces yet stranger to him with you in them.

"I don't know I just think it will be fun, I can already imagine the trending headlines of the gossip columns talking about how the most anticipated wedding took the unexpected turn!" You beamed cutting yoongi's stream of dark thoughts with that overly excited tonr which comes with ever new trouble that you decide to bring in.

Yoongi tried to hide his soft smile behind the coffee mug, he knew you already knew he was soft for you, it didn't take a genius and in all actuality you were indeed a genius in your own ways, whatever the facts might be he didn't needed you to know that he was starting to get more and more fond of you.

"Always looking for new ways to be the trending gossip aren't we?" He teased back finding it difficult to not play along with you, you were addicting and his little actions were everything you needed, someone who had been neglect for a lifetime finds it endearing when someone so much as entertain them with attention and here was yoongi showing his at most devotion to you, you didn't deny the fluttering in your heart at his failed attempts of Stoic behaviour, your stupid crush on him increasing ten folds.

Not able to form words because of how warm your inside and cheeks felt at this rather comforting and obnoxiously normal conversation you just managed a cheeky smile in reply finding enough brain cells to pair it with a playful wink which earned you that familiar eye roll and coffee mug shield of his to hide the evident flutter you caused.

You looked down at your plate in an attempt to hide the proud smirk, the conversation from there on continued smoothly filled with minor subtle but not so subtle flirting and general question.

The whole atmosphere was so weirdly peaceful that your minds had started to already think of this as an everyday things starting today, "are your preparation done for the day?" Yoongi questioned a genuine curiosity and concern visible on his face which visibly relaxed when you nodded more like bounced your head eagerly, yoongi chuckled lightly taking the last bite of his pancake his eyes still fixed on you, "I couldn't get this one thing done though." You complained a pout forming on your face, that all too familiar spoiled bratty look on your face.

Yoongi couldn't speak due to have his mouth full but he didn't had to speak a simple questioning eyebrow raise was enough to let his question known, you looked at him with that sad expression which looked a little too suspiciously familiar, his chewing slowing down a bit in anticipation as the blood in his viens rushed faster.

"I couldn't get some sexy lingerie for tonight." He shouldn't have been surprised but he still was and he shouldn't have choked but he did.

What a perfect way to start his wedding day.

[kittyhawkbombardier-bitch]

OK Pookie bear so I have been doing a lot of outsiders requests for everyone else and going extremely deep into the personality analysis. And you apparently said that I should do one for myself, but I know that I would be biased towards Johnny Kade because he’s my Pookie bear and even if you say that I belong with someone else Johnny, I will continue to believe that I belong with Johnny Cade here’s my description, even though you know me in real life and know me well enough to know who I am. I’ll still give you one because it makes my life easier.



Appearance: I have short red undercut hair that goes about to my chin. Think a very short bob. I have eyes that changed between blue to green to gray depending on the lighting my environment what I’m wearing, etc. you already know what typical outfits I would wear, but I’ll link some images at the bottom just as a reminder.

Personality: i’m pretty loud and obnoxious most of the time and you know that I am the friend group scary dog privilege, I can be serious at times if needed. But I’m usually cracking jokes and being very opinionated. I’m pretty tall and I wear boots that make me even taller to about 6 feet ish  I deeply believe in fighting for what’s right and I will. I’m a pretty confident person not much can get to me and if someone does insult me, I will be sad for a while, but then I’ll be over it within like an hour at the most. I believe that everyone should be themselves no matter what and life is too short to conform to meet other people standards.

Hobbies: I like reading and writing. I really love English class and I like writing poetry a lot but I can also write short stories fanfiction head cannons for various fandoms im in. I enjoy doing martial arts. I’m also a major theater kid and usually an actor. I also enjoy doing drag and I love an absolutely love make up art and fashion. I like wearing crazy things very casually.

I think you would be best with Steve, hear me out. He likes that you are so creative with your makeup and clothes. He would also adore your headstrong personality and determination and grit, and willing to stand up for what’s right. And you both would share a confidence and that’s what you’d really like about each other. Also both of y’all share hands on hobbies and creative hobbies. He would probably be jelly when you wear your boots/heels because you’d be taller than him. I feel like you’d get along get with soda, pony, darry, two-bit, Johnny would be to scared of you to talk to you, and you’d have an instant rivalry with dally.

@urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites

[quaranmine]

hi it's me at the lookout :D

things of note:

-the terrain around this particular tower is a bit more rocky/extreme than i envisioned for grian's tower, but the environment in general is very similar. the geography, biome, etc isn't too different from wyoming, which is just to the north a few hours

-it is a good thing grian is very acclimated to all this after living in the mountains for a few years because the altitude kiiiiinda kicked our butts. i thought this trail would be fine for my mom since it isn't very long but i didn't really take the elevation in consideration. she did not make it to the tower, unfortunately.

fortunately...we have radios, because my dad gave them to us. i'm living the firewatch dream by radioing my mother from the top

-this lookout is staffed!! i think it's the only remaining staffed lookout in Colorado. it has been continuously used for over 100 years. unfortunately, it was Sunday, and nobody was on duty. I did see the lookout though at the cabin below, because she was talking with some search and rescue personnel who were out training. She stayed in her cabin though, or else I would have spent like half an hour asking her questions.

-this lookout is not a live-in one, it is a 10x10 ft cabin on top of the rocks. there's a huge staircase to get up there and at the bottom is the cabin the lookout lives in. that is also the set up that Philip Connors talks about in his memoir Fire Season, but both lookouts in the game Firewatch are live-in ones. thus, so are Scar's and Grian's.

^ very steep staircase

also, this lookout bears a STRIKING resemblance to the Thorofare Lookout in the game (which would be Scar's lookout in the fic)

^ firewatch game vs a photo of this place from google images because i don't have one at this angle. iirc, the thorofare lookout in the game wasn't quite as steep/insane to get to as this one though. there's stairs but not THAT many

i do not know if the kitty i saw was fjord or fiona, but i was so surprised and excited to see they had cats! previously in all my research i had only seen lookouts having dogs. Jellie the lookout kitty is in good company up here!

i had an excellent time :D i didn't even plan for this to land on the 100th day of the challenge ofc that just happened. i had this trip planned way in advance and when planning it i found this trail and decided to go. had no idea that it was day 100 of my writing challenge, which is also basically the 100th day of writing this fic

<333

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Can I request a scenario where Dio kills your fiancé in a duel for your hand and wins?

Hi sorry for how long this took, I was writing for this ages ago but tumblr updated automatically and I lost all my progress. To make up for that you have a full one-shot lol.

The Devil

(Yandere Dio Brando X Gender neutral Reader)

Warning: gorey descriptions.

That night had been the stuff of nightmares. It happened so fast; an eruption of screams flooded the small town you called home. You all scrambled through the streets, desperately trying to escape the monsters who had invaded the town.

You panted, desperately trying to breathe as you ran. Your legs felt like jelly. You tried to go faster but only slowed down as a result of your exhaustion.

A hand pulled you into the swarm of monsters, and you let out a horrified scream. Then, more and more hands grabbed you, pulling you in further. You thought they would have torn you apart and feasted on you as they had with others, but they didn't.

You and several women had been captured by the monsters and brought to a castle where their leader waited. You were all forced to kneel in front of a throne where what you had assumed was a human man with messy blonde hair, and amber eyes sat before he approached one of the women and drove his hand into her shoulder. She screamed as she desperately tried to push away. Her skin paled as he drained the life out of her.

He, no, it was indeed a monster. "Is this all you could bring me?" It hissed at the monsters. They quivered in response.

"Well, I'm sure that at least one of these will keep me entertained for now" It chuckled as its eyes wandered over each of you. The women feigned attraction to it in an attempt to spare themselves from a painful death like the woman before them.

Its eyes landed on you, your hands in front of you supporting your weight, and a disgusted scowl on your face reminded it of an event from years ago. Its interest was now on you.

"And what might your name be?" The monster asked.

"I refuse to give you my name, demon!" You hissed as you averted your eyes from him. Causing him to chuckle again. He kneeled down to you and lifted your chin with his finger.

"Shame. I'd love to know what name belonged to such a pretty face like yours," it spoke with a fake frown on its face. You felt sick to your stomach, knowing that this creature was flirting with you. You thought about your fiance; they had left for a few days for a business trip. You hated to imagine their reaction to the news of what happened. Unfortunately, you were so caught up in your thoughts that you did not notice your surroundings.

"I can already tell that I'll enjoy your company," the monster said, catching your attention before pointing to the other women.

"I've made up my mind. Dispose of the others," It ordered its henchmen, that spent no time tearing them limb from limb, all trying to get a piece like starved dogs.

You screamed as you watched. Then, finally, you stood and tried to flee, but it caught you.

🌹🌹🌹

From then on, you were locked in a room and the monster that called himself Dio would visit each night, offering you food, wine, and various gifts. In addition, it'd ask you a variety of questions. Some about your life that you would cautiously answer, while others were favours he'd ask of you, all of which you refused.

One time it'd asked you if you weren't afraid to die; after all, it could make you suffer the same fate the other women had for refusing its requests. You responded simply that you'd rather die with your dignity than bow to a monster such as itself, which it was amused by.

You refused its offers even with such devilish temptations of immortality and eternal youth.

Like every other night, it returned once more, but something was wrong; you knew as soon as you saw the sinister look on its face.

You sat still on the bed, staring at it like a deer staring at the barrel of a gun with nowhere to run. Extremely cautious as to what he could possibly do.

It flashed you its signature sinister smile, and your heart nearly gave out. Your whole body screamed to run, but you knew it would be a hopeless attempt.

"You have a visitor… said they were your fiance," it told you in a strangely casual way. Part of you wanted to think this was a sick joke, that it was lying to get a reaction from you. But, on the other hand, you had never brought up your partner in any conversation. Moreover, you had taken your engagement ring off before you bathed shortly before the attack, so it would have had no clue about your engagement, giving its words credibility.

"No… it can't be", you muttered.

"You don't believe me? Come and see for yourself" Dio laughed at your response.

"Do be quick, though. It's only a matter of time before they bleed out, " it continued as it grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you off the bed. You stumbled as you struggled to get your footing and fell to your knees on the cold, rough stone floor in front of it. Blood slowly forms from the scrapes on your knees.

The monster dragged you through the castle. Your pleading to let go echoed through the castle, but it refused. Your worst fears were confirmed when you saw your lover in the throneroom clinging to life. Deep gashes covered their skin with blood pooling from them, and both arms were gone; the only remaining parts were a dark shade of purple, almost as if they had been frozen off.

"(Y/n)", their strained voice called to you as they saw you.

"Darling" you screamed as you escaped the monster's grip and ran to them quickly to hold them in your arms.

"You shouldn't have come here", you sobbed.

"But I couldn't… I had to find you," they replied.

Your heart broke at that moment, your fiance had risked their life to find you for all this time, and now they were going to die. All the strength you had was gone.

"Dio, I'll do whatever you want. Please just let them live", you cried out in desperation. It walked towards you and put a hand on your shoulder.

"Hmmm… that's a pretty good offer," Dio said with a smile before jamming his other hand into your lover's shoulder, causing a hoarse scream to escape their mouth.

"But knowing that you still love another leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth. For that reason, I won't," it continued, followed by a maniacal laugh. You tried to remove its hand, but you didn't have the strength to do so. Soon you felt a strange sensation that forced you to let go. It was hard to explain, but it was horrible, becoming fully aware of every blood vessel in your body in the worst way imaginable for even a second.

The monster removed his hand from your lover's shoulder. You could only look up at it in horror as your body trembled. You couldn't even utter a single word as your lover laid dead in your arms.

It felt like forever that you just stared until you felt your lover move.

"Darling?!" You exclaimed as you looked down, but as soon as you did, they lunged forward, their head hitting yours, causing you to fall back. You looked at them before as they shuffled atop you. Then, you screamed as you struggled to push them back by their shoulders as you realised they had become the same as those creatures who served Dio.

You struggled against the reanimated corpse of your lover to Dio's amusement before it finally intervened. Grabbing your lover by the neck before throwing them to the furthest wall. You closed your eyes and covered them before hearing a horrible collection of sounds simultaneously. A loud thud and cracking noises were followed by another softer thud and an awful splat. You didn't want to look, but you did anyway. Through your fingers, you saw the wall. The bloody print left by the impact, some small parts of them still clinging to the wall.

Then Dio walked before you, obscuring the view with its body. You looked up at him. You still could not speak.

He wasn't some creature, monster or demon you had initially labelled him. Instead, he was the devil himself.

[wack-ashimself]

I love my brain but I will never understand how I am so totally accepting of anything I see in my dreams and embrace it as reality. Camping in this really nice rustic wide open Campground with my siblings. And then all of a sudden all of the animals started acting weird. They started like panicking and looking for shelter. And for some reason I decided I'm going to go sleep this off. And I've had this a lot lately in my dreams. I fall asleep in my dream. Then wake up still in my dream. Never used to have that until the past couple years (sometimes I think I wake up in real life, use the bathroom or something, and then go back to sleep to wake up in the dream). Anyways so I wake up in my cabin to a bunch of animals surrounding me. A bunch of dogs on the floor, and for some reason hamsters and guinea pigs in my bed. But this is when it gets a little bit weirder than normal. I see an alien creature. It's tiny. Barely the size of your palm. Like maybe the size of your index finger. And it's clear and see through. And it has suckers like an octopus all over it. But it's in the shape of a horse. And it's extremely clingy to me. And even though I have never seen anything like it in TV shows or dreams, I inherently knew it was not a bad thing. It was not a threat to me. So I put it on my shoulder and it stayed with me the rest of the dream. It did crawl over me out of panic multiple times but I never really lost it. Also I wasn't afraid of squishing it because it was very malleable like a octopus or jelly fish. Which now that I say it out loud then why was it so afraid if it couldnt be hurt? I don't know. I go outside and see everybody around me panicking and trying to pack up. I go to try to help somebody with this weird device and I realize it can hold water. And I thought we might need water so I start to fill it up. But then I realize it's a giant dog water dish and it was too heavy to move and I pissed off the owner. So I go to help other people but all of a sudden it goes pitch black everywhere. The only reason you could see is because of people's headlights. And then I woke up. I have no idea what any of my dreams mean whatsoever. They used to make sense. But now I'm making up creatures I've never even seen in movies.

[book-hooked]

Random Sentence Starters

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

"You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

"Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!” 

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” 

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…