#doesnt make any sense. went kinda hard though

[mbat]

tell me why i dreamt that there was such thing as an extremely rare monster high doll that had some sort of filigree-like pattern on their face and i wanted it so bad but it was rare because literally no one ever wanted it before me. weird

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! im back with an update about me, M, and F!

okay so, i told M how i feel about F and she was... sort of okay? like she said she was fine, had picked up on it, and had decided she wasnt going to try anything anyway because she wanted to work on herself before going for a relationship with anyone, so thats good (honestly im more just glad shes planning to work on their mental health etc because she deserves to feel good about herself and i could tell recently theyve not been feeling great)

as for F and i, we're... something? idk, we had a sort of movie "date" and after she walked me to my flat (we live literally like a minute from each other bc we're both living on university campus) we did kiss but then weve just... not acknowledged it since? we flirt a bit still (we did this before bc neither of us were brave enough to do anything more ahaha) but thats it

to add to whatever that is, ive hit a roadblock in regards to my feelings. idk how much you know about abrosexuality, but thats how i identify, which means (for me, at least) that my sexuality changes (im also genderfluid so i usually describe it like that but with sexuality instead of gender). and right now im not really romantically attracted to women? maybe not anyone, its bloody impossible to tell most of them time, but as much as i know that i like her, its kinda turned to really strong platonic feelings?

this is the first time ive had any sort of romantic interaction with anyone since finding the abrosexual label, so i dont really know how to navigate this, especially because even though i have come out to this friend group as abro, i dont really know if she properly understands what that means. honestly, im nearly at the point where i might just send her a fic i wrote with abrosexual!sirius even though that would expose my ao3 ahaha

i dont want to make her feel like i dont like her anymore because i do, just not in the same way all the time, if that makes sense? it also really doesnt help that idk what we are, so its not like i could just rock up and be like "hey, so i know we might be dating or may date in the near future but i actually only like you as a friend right now, sorry!" because what if it actually wasnt a date?? we never defined it as one but it felt a lot like one

on another, separate note (my apologies, but life is hard and navigating it is even harder) im feeling really shit about my name at the moment, but i have no solution. when i went to uni, i started going by my chosen name (for online's sake, we'll say im using dorian which is what i go by here, though i use a different one irl) and it felt really great to use something i was more comfortable with

but recently i went back to a show i watched years ago because it came up on my recommended and i was bored, and since i stopped watching, one of the characters changes his name. hes not trans, but his storyline sort of- triggered something in my brain? idk how to describe it, but ever since then my chosen name just hasnt felt right

ive tried looking at other names and ive really thought about it a lot but now absolutely *nothing* feels right and its making me feel really dysphoric any time anyone speaks to me using any name (like, my chosen name now feels as shit as my deadname) and i know you cant just pick a name for me but do you have any advice about what i can do? i feel like ive looked at a thousand or more names and nothing feels right

sending love as always! <3

Ooo okay so for the first situation, could you bring up your sexuality to F in a hypothetical way. Like "hey I'm figuring out my sexuality and I need someone to talk to"? That way you're not saying how you feel about HER, and neither of you has to deal with rejection, but the point gets across.

As far as your name, do you have a supportive friend that might be willing to try a few names with you? Like actually refer to you by those names, to see how you feel when they're used for you? Maybe it's that you have to hear the names used to see how you feel, you know?

[zeeverseconfession]

hello. it's me. (no, this is not fantasy au stuff.. i wish it was 🙁)

its just about the serious topics in zeeverse from the top of my head.. some of my stuff here might be wrong

Death & Grief: Seen when Box had died — their death affecting Globe, sending her into a sense of grief. From what we saw (or what i remember), it was like she had lost a piece of herself, and found it difficult to do certain things

Alcoholism: Debit Card. Recently just introduced, but we can see that Debit Card is a heavy drinker, supposedly due to stress? To get away from any memories of her (purse). It's used as a coping mechanism.

Stalking & Obsession: As much as you may like Globe, she's a stalker. Yeah, hate to break it to you — she's got an unhealthy obsession with a married man, and has stalked him.. creepy.

Depression: I think multiple characters have this, but the one that comes to mind in specific is Box (also because it's on their wiki). Depression can lead to things like suicidal tendencies, and that's been seen once before in them (when Azriel had offered for them to sell their soul, they agreed in a heartbeat.)

Along with her backstory, which could be part of the reason why he's depressed. Box is probably one of the.. few? many? characters who have depression.

Anxiety & Panic Attacks: .. not sure, possibly Grenade? When stressed, they seem to feel like their losing control over the situation, along with a tremble (voice or body, can differ). These two examples can be linked as symptoms of a panic attack.

From what we see, they struggle to put their thoughts into words. Making it hard to express what exactly they're feelings at the moment.

Crime: Literally, almost everyone in New County has committed some sort of crime.. I think. Can't think of any from the top of my head, but the only person I can think of who went to jail was Mug.. (pot & globe, almost)

ill do the rest when i FEEL like it

what about dynamite for crime…. :(

i feel personally attacked by grenades, not because it happens to me all the time, but because it never happens to me ever. yeah contrary to popular bwlief i have never had a panic or anxiety attack i think. im just a really nervous guy lol. i tend to exaggerate grenades nervousness a lot, its something i did in the beginning before the roleplay got more serious, and then i realize i didnt exactly characterize grenade right at all. or atleast not to my liking. whatever. :(

i feel personally attacked by the last part tho again not because it doesnt happen to me at all but because it happens to me all the time. okay giys class dismissed /j also anxiety like ACTUAL anxiety rapier i think bcuz it was in his bio…though its kinda puzzling cuz rapiers shown to be very nervous at times and then also really nonchalant and calm at others???? man. idk.

stalking and obsession is obviously globe shes basically the mascot of it all. mollie too but tbh compared to globe you could call mollies just an interest, or something. augh globes just like me fr i hate it

ive said this before but i NEVER ever couldve seen DC as an alcoholic coming. out of every unhealthy coping mechanism ever…drinking? it just doesnt seem so debit card-y. infact DC striked me as the type to be against this kind of stuff. so it just baffles me a lot.

ill tag this later im @ the beach and used my phone too much for this

[badlydrawnbabydirk]

Are we allowed to ask system questions?? Don’t feel pressured to of course but I want to know if you have like- advice, for someone who is trying to figure that kind of stuff out, especially for someone who does not have a lot of support around them to help figure it out?? Hope you’re having a good day at least!!

\\ gonna answer this outside the qna— i cant say that id be great at advice but sure!

my discovery was very recent, so the best i can give you is just what i went through,, i just kinda took notice of weird happenings (saying/thinking stuff that didnt sound like me, gaps in memory, weird things that happened in the past, etc.) and was like.. hm. i never thought i was plural, thought it was just my undiagnosed adhd and identity issues,, but when i brought it to other people who were plural they were like hmm yeah thats what we went thru and i was like. whart. huh.

still wasn’t completely sold though obviously, its weird and distressing at first, thinking that maybe it isnt just you around— that there could be several people, and people who could have been around for years and you just never knew. its crazy what your brain does to prevent you from seeing and realizing it. but i was like okay whatever lets give this a shot, gonna ignore how weird it feels, and i leaned into it. made pluralkit profiles for who i had a hunch was around, used them whenever i would have those weird episodes, or when others would notice, and it felt right. i cant really describe it besides something genuinely clicked in my brain. i fucking felt it, it was crazy.

eventually it became more obvious that this wasnt just,, me yk. it gets confusing when you dont have super strong amnesia like me, but eventually the line between you and the others gets clearer and clearer. like ive said before, your brain had spent so long convincing you that youre just one person that its hard to untangle it. things will feel wrong, or like youre faking it, but you just gotta give it time. everything makes so much sense to me now, and it just feels so right now, like i finally realized this piece of me that had been missing!!

hopefully you can pull some good stuff out of my experience, but if i had any specific advice to give, itd be to just take it slow! things probably wont come to you immediately, it slowly unravels like i said. its like,, looking into a keyhole at first, and thinking that thats all youll ever see! but eventually the door swings open and you realize and discover so much more! i started out only noticing when others were around cause of how id type, and now i can feel them and even see them in my minds eye(? headspace basically.) so just give it time, be patient with yourself, and be kind to yourself. youll wanna doubt yourself, youll wanna think youre faking it, (its kinda a collective experience from what ive seen), but just remember— no one goes through this much to fake something. if it feels real to you, you should look into it and experiment! and if it doesnt turn out you're plural/a system, there was no harm in playing around with the idea, and you learned something about yourself at the end of the day!! hope this helps <33

[magical-glimpse]

your readings are so great tbh it’s nice to see people having such a connection with the universe! Do u think you could do an energy check on the members?

Thank you !! You're so nice !! I still have a lot to learn tbh, but im glad you love my readings !

As always,

For entertainment purposes only.

Jin:At the same time, he sees the military as a break from his idol life, but he also want a break from the military lol.A lot of it has got to do with him having to fight his nature.He's naturally a lot more laid back and fun than the circumstances mostly let him be.I think one of his past investments is growing while he isnt there, and the fruits are getting ready for whe he will come back.He is also torn between two options for a choice ( idk what tho).He is feeling out of touch with his purpose while understanding why this had to happen.It is helping him develop another side of himself, and he is learning to balance them.

NJ:He didnt want any cards, but hes saying he is thinking about things deeply.He seemed like i caught him off guard when he was in the middle of a reflection ?You know when people are trying to explain something to you but they are getting caught up in the cobwebs of their thoughts?Yeah, him rn.

Yoongi:OK so Yoongi teased me and dared me to do it with no cards.He said he is feeling quite peaceful and content/satisfied rn.It's the phase where the stage euphoria came down but youre not quite into post show blues yet.Just quiet, happy, calm, tranquil.Moving slowly, relaxed.I saw him going down a slow river sitting on a surfboard with his eyes closed.So yeah, nice.

Hobi:He seemed pretty excited to do the reading but the first card that came out was the Tower ??I think he is going through a very transformative phase but he is also really excited for it. A sense of oh finally.A lot of his fears and deep anxieties are coming down, he is cutting through them with a new sense of rationality and outspokenness(?) He is becoming less afraid of telling his truth and is not letting himself being held back and literally tied down by how other people see him.He is very strssed tho, and is using good old breathing techniques to relax. (Which kinda makes sense bc i feel like since the military his energy has been mostly quiet except for random burst of really wanting to talk, so i guess it is linked to his stress levels ?)

Jimin:I think he might have asked someone out recently and it went very well ?WHAT- PARK JIMIN GO BACK WITH YOUR 18+ STUFF NO-hm hm, so boy is having fun.In general, he is spending time on things and people he love, going out, learning new things, connecting or reconnecting with people, following where his passion and emotions lead him.He is also really enjoying having attention rn.

Tae:A part of him want to keep very private, but hes seeing around.As in learning things, discovering art he didnt know, a little imaginative.He has been hurt by public attention too much and wants to withdraw a little.He doesnt want ARMY to worry though, he just want us to understand he is human, and that would be hard on anyone. JK:Jk felt pumped up and talkative lol.So he learning to let things go and to find his joy in the things he has right now, he is learning to be happy.It is the end of a trial for him.He had many options and he thinks he picked right.It is the end of the phase.The next one might be the one where he meets his twin flame (if you have followed me for a while, you would know he insists on talking about them almost everytime lol).Their psychic link will strengthen like never before.He is in general quite happy with where he got in life and proud of himself for recent lessons he learned and went through

[penumbrialhexandroga]

I put this in a discord chat im in but i wanted to put it here too. Today i got diagnosed by my therapist with c-ptsd.

Hhhh today is a day of surthriving. Had therapy this morning and was rough, but i was able to communicate some of my frustrations well. Got some clarification on stuff. Like he said forget about any of the schizophrenia stuff, i dont have it, so thats a relief. He said for a clinical dx i do have CPTSD. And that my episode that id had before when i started seeing him was a dissocaitive episode. So it was nice to get clarification on that i was thinking it was like a psychotic or manic or something but dissociative makes sense with what all went on. Ugh gah but then talked with a real young part and stuff coming up and just ugh fuck i hate. People. Just very heavy. Having things validated. But im so grateful for the coping mechanisms ive developed. Hhhhhhh fuck its just hard. Heavy heavy heavy. Just trying so hard to keep every thing contained so i can get through work. Thank god for Work Mode 🙏. Id been dxed with ptsd already but i did suspect it was cptsd but man having that validated by a therapist ugh i just feel like ive been taking punches and punching brick walls >.< idk i just wanted to express this all somewhere. "Put it out there"

Thats what i put in the chat earlier.

Idk i wanted to write about it i guess. He was saying too how like a diagnosis yknow its fluid it can change. Which im fully on board with i know it can only really be a snapshot of your current whatever experiences. But one thing i really appreciate about getting that dx and that validation and assurance is that it supplies me the language to tell my story. I realized that that was one issue that i had with how generally non-pathologizing my therapist is. Its also something i appreciate about him though, but i just felt like i couldnt really. Like not even tell my story but know my story. I felt lost and confused and uncertain about what my experience was and how i fit in with the world and people around me.

Who really am i? What defines me as an individual? It helps me answer these questions more fully. Not to say my diagnoses are all that i am or can capture the complexity of me as a being.

Its incredibly validating to do this work. I feel alive and autonomous in a way i never really have before. Some of the parts i work with are so so young. If i wasnt doing this work with a therapist i dont think i would really be able to do it. So im very grateful for my circumstances that allow me that. Although i can tell my therapist wants to do more frequent sessions, but it is expensive and insurance sucks so. Idk. Is what it is.

Ugh but this work also fucking sucks and makes things so so hard. But i know im better for it. Gahhahahshbsgdgdgdhd.

Oh man im also really glad too he labeled what that episode was. I was thinking it was a psychotic or manic and maybe i had bipolar, bc some of my family has been dxed with that. But no he said it was CPTSD. and a dissociative episode. Which man even just writing that out again its just. I cant even really identify how it makes me feel its just this kinda hmmm pressure?? Electrical flux? Along the back of my head.

Im grateful for being able to communicate better with my parts too. I was able to get across some things today that i havent been able to for a while and im glad things went well, even if it got tough. Really friggin tough. I know im moving in the right direction.

Id already been diagnosed with ptsd but that was through my psych who specialized in autism and idk it didnt really sink in. Its different now getting diagnosed by someone who knows me very well, ive been seeing him for like over two years now, so i have a lot of trust in his oppinion. But gosh so many raw nerves. Plus its c -ptsd which like, doesnt mean its worse than ptsd or anything lol some people seem to think that but thats more what i was suspecting. It just made more sense to me than standard ptsd with all the dissociation. But i feel really validated and seen and heard and hmm self assured even! Which is so rare for me. I feel like there was a lot of movement and change today. So this post is really just to commemorate it all. Getting diagnosed with cptsd tho, for me its very different than it was getting diagnosed with autism. Maybe thats because of meeting with that part right after tho :/

[ei-mugi]

i have this incredibly specific headcanon that aira had a phase where he went super hard into being a trans Woman but detransitioned after like a couple months, and is now gnc.

like not too long after he becomes an idol hes struggling a lot with his blossoming sense of adolescent identity and clear insecurity-complex, and of course he's in Ensemble Square which is full of gay people, and he's online a lot too in queer twitter communities and it kinda all accumulates into him thinking, MAYBE I AM A WOMAN? so he tries it.

but he has this very narrow and specific idea of what it means to Be Transgender, and to Be a Transwoman by extension, so he just throws himself in the deep end and goes full social & clothing transition immediately. tatsumi and mayoi are supportive (tatsumi is an Ally and mayoi is genderqueer in some form) and this is probably hiiro's first introduction to it but he doesnt care either and is enthusiastically supportive. pretty much everyone he knows is on board with it (except subaru and hokuto are weird about it probably but who cares about them). the Pretty 5 are overjoyed and help by taking him shopping, Arashi especially.

but while aira has an initial euphoric burst of freedom by doing this he very quickly feels very WRONG. but hes fucking committed to it now and like he knows hes not a dude, right?, and he doesnt want to be NonBinary (which is a single third gender identity and not an umbrella term at all, as everyone knows /s). and like, he does like wearing skirts sometimes, and long socks are cute. and he was already kinda feminine, he is ALKALOID's Cute One. so he's probably just not feeling anything at all and he isn't going to address it.

but arashi can fucking tell something is off and tries talking to him. he deflects and denies everything and at someone else bringing it up he only doubles down.

he is wearing FEMALE MAKEUP now! he is looking at tutorials on youtube on how to apply makeup just-so, so he can look like the Cis-Like and Conforming Trans Woman he is. and he is OWNING IT, he is a Girlboss and is now making Activist Twitter Posts talking about his transfem (because that isn't its own thing, either, it's just a synonym for trans Woman! also /s) experience which he is now suddenly an expert on.

and he is fucking miserable just having trapped himself into another stupid binary and now eichi is accounting for this in StarPro's marketing or whatever and now all of ALKALOID's fans are getting it into their heads about being special trans allies and all these things are happening and and and and.

mika tentatively comes up to him one day. he says that hes too nervous to go to pretty 5 or arashi about it, as irrational as it is considering it's fucking arashi, but he just wants aira's help to like, try on some skirts or something like he sees aira doing. no strings attached it doesnt mean anything, just to try.

aira is trying not to have a meltdown in the store while he waits for mika in the changing room. writing twitter posts with hands sweatier than they are after a live is one thing but having to physically be there and act as this ideal image of THE Trans Woman feels like he's standing there waiting for an axe to swing at his fucking head and that it's going to happen any second now. he gets these chills all down his back like some creepypasta character is about to get him. (he's still scared of the creepypastas).

mika says that he thinks the skirt is cute on him, but that he doesn't think he likes it. he says he doesn't know. he says that he doesn't like how it impedes on his masculinity.

"isn't that the point, though? you wanted to be a girl?" aira asks, hair actually wet with how much he's sweating.

"no... nyaghhhg, i don't wanna be a girl. i didn't think just putting it on would make me one, but if it does then i don't wanna wear it anymore."

aira thinks that is a weird fucking thing to say because of course if you're trying on skirts and trying to be feminine it means you're trying to be a transgirl, and he also thinks that if he has to hear mika talk for a second longer he's going to explode from fucking anger. he doesn't think to question why he's so angry, but he says something snappy at mika and it makes mika give up so it all works out and he can go home.

hiiro can tell aira isn't doing well but hiiro can go fuck himself for all aira cares. aira can't even practice anymore, he's just getting angrier and angrier with each day.

eventually he tears off all his clothes in a rage and throws out all his makeup, even the ones he'd been using before his transition. rei comes into their dorm and is alarmed to find aira burning a pile of clothes in the middle of the room. he's attempted to protect the carpet by putting it on top of cardboard. rei has to use the fire extinguisher.

after aira's calmed down a bit rei laughs out of nowhere. aira asks him what. rei says that he thinks aira is the first amab trans guy he's met. aira says he's had enough of all these fucking labels. rei asks if he wants him to inform eichi for him, in regards to the marketing. aira says yeah, thank you...

with touch of feather, aira grows more comfortable in his own skin.

sometime later, mika nervously announces to the pretty 5 that he's genderqueer. arashi helps him come out, and the rest express their support. tori says welcome to the club. (aira wonders how he didn't already know this about tori.)

"in what way?" aira asks mika after congratulating him.

"errr..." mika looks confused for a moment before realisation dawns on his face. "oh. nah, just genderqueer. i don't like all those expectations 'n all that. i just wanna do whatever feels right. that's what humans are, ain't it? just a lotta nonsense feelings."

"oh," says aira.

in retrospect, aira supposes that arashi isn't completely gender conforming and hyper-feminine either. and later, after he and hiiro get together (finally), he asks hiiro if he was still interested in him while he was trans. hiiro says yeah, he doesn't see why that would affect it, and really he was worried about him more than anything else. before aira can make some inquiry about his hometown, hiiro continues that he's been talking a lot to the other idols, so he knows a bit about the city's queer labels (and the variance & nuance in identity) now, and that he's bisexual --- well, he doesn't really like calling himself the labels very much, but that it's the best way to communicate it. aira says huh. he wasn't really expecting to hear that from him.

i think after all that aira would be comfortable just being gnc occasionally, and not worry too hard about being a Boy or a Girl.

[auraspheres]

HMMM just thinkin' off the top of the dome here...interested to hear your thoughts because I feel like these two could fit anywhere!!

💜 close friendship (the teasing is relentless) and/or 💛 childhood friends (depending on your timeline!!) They Go Back imo.

💗 slow burn and/or 💘 friends to lovers (I'm just weak for these tropes LMAO...but staying platonic is lovely too!!)

☕ Riley works in service of Cynthia (probably not literally working, just thinkin' about what you had written before about Riley's dedication to Sinnoh/champion as The Last Aura Guardian Standing)

RELATIONSHIP TYPES

ooOH I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THEM OKAY OKAY. This ran long so it's going under a read more lol.

close and childhood friends YES - I dont doubt they go back and I speculate they did a lot of training together too. They're both incredibly strong trainers on a journey at one point though Riley of course going the way of taking up his his heritage and right as an Aura Guardian/Master rather then a dedicated trainer, gym leader or champion. He's never dropped his constant support or hand of course esp when she went down that path. It's not hard to communicate after all - he's got funny aura powers that makes connecting to people he's close to super easy no matter how far apart they are. Helps with knowing if something is wrong right away and for mind memes he's not at all caught up with. He lived on a little cave island with no internet, he still doesnt get why people laugh when he says the vibes are off wha-

Not only is that his very good friend but that's the champion and his guardian duty is to the welfare and protection of his people at her hand. He'll take a bullet for you. Dont test him cause he'd absolutely find a way to prove it too-- But dont let that detail get it twisted, regardless of who the champion is, was or will be he'd still very much offer his full support. He just calls her "Miss Cynthia" now probably to a lot of chuffing.

AND YEAH...YEAH...Im a sucker for the knight x ruler trope and friends to lovers. I imagine he doesn't understand the full scope of his feelings and pretty inexperienced with any form of intimacy. Spending most of his time training and meditating on an island kinda does that to you, oops. They run deep. He reads it as having profound regard for someone he's very close with and can understand with ease even without his aura reading powers. This steadfast dedication is from his sense of duty, right? ...Well not entirely. As mentioned above champion or not he'll be there at the drop of his fancy hat. There's something different about these feelings he's noting, and for someone who's literally mastered reading emotions he sure can't figure out his own.

Maybe a little nudge and some getting past his own modesty and over-politeness could point him in the right direction. But I sure look forward to how they get there.

Also catch me and how they connect in being some of the last of their own kind if you think about it, they even wear their ancestral symbols on them and --

[novaissms]

⊠    ɪᴅ  .  .  .  ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ    ››    [    cha eunwoo/lee joon*   /     28   /    nonbinary    /    he/him, they/them    ]   mercy  headquarters  is  pleased  to  officially  introduce HWANG SONGYU SUNNY.  they  have  been  apart  of  the  organization  for  three years,  serving  as  A  INTEL  agent  and  has  been  assigned  the  codename  AGENT  ALTER.  it's  worth  noting  that  their  file  indicates  they  have  undergone  the  solaris  treatment  and  host  Artificial Intelligence Synergy.  according  to  our  dossier,  the  agent  exhibits  a  combination  of  ASTUTE and  VENGEFUL  traits,  fitting  for  someone  reminiscent  of  silver wolf (honkai impact star rail), cody hida (digimon 02), wade (kim possible), that reluctant sigh before coming in to save someone, the sqeaking of a chair before turning around and facing someone, the look of revenge glimmering in one's eyes, the annoyed groans of an arcade when one once again takes up the high score.  prior  to  embarking  on  any  mission,  the  find  solace  in  listening  to  the  song  “bring it on“  by  gigap. 

Content Warnings for Hospitalization

The lights flickered each passing day in the hospital , what did their first born have? Was it curable? Sunny didn't know what was going on as he was tested.

Spina difida, affected his legs and spine to an impossible degree. He tried so hard but couldn't deny the pain. He wasn't going to walk was he?

So he spent so much time between the school and hospital , he just got bored

That boredom led him to learn how to hack. He started small, like neopets and gaia online

Eventually he was cracking websites and torrents. He felt a sense of power as he did it on his laptop. The only thing he had control of.

That power increased when he was offered to mine some cryptocurrency. There was an ease as he accepted not knowing it was a test

But he hacked it nervertheless, next thing he knew there was someone recruiting him.

His test was still rigourous but not in the psychical but the endurance tests, hours of sphagetti code, encryted devices, all things they couldnt solved. It was him and the other coders. Some waivered but he didn't. Jokingly he made an alter ego to taunt the others and help him look like he was using the mouse

He finally got the pass and graduated. He hoped that the achieve more

There was a surprise with the emergence of his powers. The Ai that was on his side, It had a more psychical form. It was standing there smirking like it did. There was a faint smile.

For a brief moment, he could let himself see and walk, even though it wasn't real through the eyes of the Ai. It felt fanstastic.

Now as he went though mercy, he was sastified, ableit still closed off

Personality:

Hes kinda reserved, but more because he's awkward

I imagine hes the one people go to for hard computer shit and easy stuff too

Hes nice but he doesnt like being because he thinks its for weenies

The AI companion is a more friendly version of Sunny

Type of guy who always listens even though hes probably datamining and not looking at you.

Wanted Connections:

Best friend- really gotta tolerate their shit

Friends more with the AI

That one person who asks for help for the medicore stuff

Love interest- make them confused and angry and unsure how to deal with it

Partner in crimes

Anything really Im down

[superpeanutgarden]

Night Blogging

okay, *technically* I'm not using the term right. It's an old phrase from before we called it Shitposting- we blamed all the weird stuff on sleep deprivation and Australians lmao

But it's night, and I'm blogging, so here we are.

so if you've read my other long posts, you'll know I'm in multiple open polyamorous relationships... and that I'm having what one might call "a hoe phase" and an accompanying crisis about if I still have worth if I'm a slut.

Well now im having a whole different (but still slut-adjacent) crisis. Do I even know what romance is????

This didnt come out of nowhere. My girlfriend mentioned that I was dating around as though I was single several months ago. And today she- wisely- brought up that i am at risk of girl bossing too close to the sun. and I had already been thinking about how my sibling had said that our parents didnt really model romance for us, and that we were told that romantic love is just kissing your best friend. And to be clear: I TOTALLY am. I'm not lonely or touch starved or sad or maidenless (or lad-less) in any sense of the imagination.

So... why am I still pursuing people??

The tree i can understand. He's a fun fuck, and he travels the renfaire circuit so I wont see him all the time. No chance of a solid relationship, just a fun easy breezy fling.

The lookout? Similar thing. Super fun to make out with and fine as HELL, but he lives like three hours away and doesnt seem interested in going steady. I can work with that

Max is PolySaturared and we just make out when I'm over for house parties, which isnt as often as I'd like but I'm desperately trying not to have too much of a crush on him (or his wife... or his girlfriend... or his other partner) so it's fine (jesus, maybe I'm not Ace, maybe I am just autistic)

Theres my good ex and my middle school bestie, but they're hella busy and our schedules havent really lined up. Disappointing, but acceptable.

The thing these people have in common is that they are almost entirely unavailable for me to date!! Until literally a month ago I was under the impression that I was just chasing the dopamine of New relationship Energy with ethically renewable sources and I could get my cozy domestic stability from my lovely girlfriends and partner...

And then trumpet guy and I made out at one of Max's house parties.... and Then I went on two dates with The Goblin King after making out with him and the Tree at the same time on NYE. And like??? It's so weird to say that I dont think either of them are stupid hot???? (But only one of the three people I'm dating is Stupid Hot, so there is precedent but?) It feels kinda weird and disingenuous to want to spend more time with these people who I'm not crushing on

And yet im Quickly falling head over clown shoes for trumpet guy. He's cute and fun and he asked me out on a date to dress way fancy and get sushi and go see a musical and???? I had just been telling a classmate that I didnt feel like I had been properly romanced since high school and?????? While I'm an impatient slut, it feels nice to be pursued.

The goblin king is really fucking sweet, and he's got really nice hair, but I'll wait to try talking myself out of liking him until after our next date... (too late, cant unthink that. I'll bring it up in person. He's really cool and I do want to still be his friend, but we both live with parents who would NOT get it so that kinda makes it hard to have solo couple time... or any couple time. It's not like I have to make a choice anytime soon but the dude deserves to know that I'm not sure if there's anything for us beyond friendship and the occasional kiss. Heck, we've only made out the one time and not even just us.)

Anyway, what's tumblr for other than an online diary??

[sinkableruby]

Gamer asks: 1, 2, 6, 13?

YEAA GAMER ASKS

1 - Games you’re currently playing?

i almost forgot somehow, but im playing street fighter 6! super fun and i love the cast except for when the game is too hard and i feel overwhelmed by all the tech and things you have to do to learn characters :< at least they are all hot... 😔✊ but also the like player characters you can make are cool. it's a very good character creator and i always love it when games have that for my roleplaying brain. but again theres too much stuff and it takes too much time to get i dont wanna have to unlock moves :<

2 - Do you like playing with mods?

yes! mods are so good... you can tweak your experience to be just a little more comfortable, or revamp the whole thing. i usually only go through the effort of getting them when its a game i really like, like the binding of isaac or monster hunter or smth. i get all the enjoyment i can out of the base game, then do mods. its fun! theres also just cosmetic mods that change like appearances and audio and stuff like that, and those can get kinda goofy so probably i'd also wait til i'd done enough of the base game in general, but those are really good too!!

6 - Last game you finished?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmm i guess i would say... even though this is a replay, og pokemon platinum (emulated) i skipped the "buying the new remade game out of nostalgia" step and just went back the original without any of the annoying wait times due to emulation lol i like doing challenge runs on it like monotypes and nuzlockes, usually sort of building a team to a certain "character" (another roleplay thing, i really like doing that :p), its pretty fun! i dont always finish runs but theyre certainly enjoyable

13 - A series you’ve enjoyed since your early days of gaming and still enjoy to this day whether it still has games coming out or is one you return to?

i have so many of these!!! well, they more apply in a "single game i always come back to" sense, but still

i have to say smite first bc i still play that game sooo much (almost 3000 hrs ack...) the third person moba + characters u play as are gods from various mythologies combination is really good, hi-rez kinda struck gold with that

theres also left 4 dead of course (but really its l4d2 since it has all of l4d1's stuff) which ive played since i was a kid... its fun i love it! def a favorite of mine... altho the periods i play it are kinda intermittent

binding of isaac series... i played the original flash game which was not as fun but it was a more like, meaningful experience. which is definitely part due to the amazing music, and possibly in part due to that unfairness making it feel hopeless. i only play rebirth these days of course because it is much bigger and better in terms of gameplay, and gameplay is pretty important for roguelikes lol, but you can't talk about rebirth without talking about the original! also rebirth doesnt have good music :(( the only actually good track is the burning basement one (which is really good, but not enough to make up for a whole soundtrack of meh songs). although the recently added dogma fight song is great too, the cathedral ost is good, and the hush fight is one i personally like... other than that its all :l

oh and i still play long live the queen every now and then. a sequels coming out soon which is great!! but its not like the same setting where youre a princess trying to become queen and also theres cool magic which is sad... also the deaths in that game are adorable i love them

look at it isn't it cute. go play this game everyone its fun you have to stop a princess from dying. i like how its written too. i recommend ����

[awriternamedart]

IM REWORKING THIS

So on the bird app, I decided to give every character in Honkai Star Rail a Splatoon 3 weapon based on their personality and a bit of their playstyle in HSR, and the result was a long ass thread that Im gonna just copy here for the people of Tumblr to enjoy.

These are all my own opinion based on my.. several hundred hours of Splatoon experience + character playstyle and personality (as stated above) and I disregarded the weapons state in the meta mostly and went with casual Turf War! Enjoy the merging of my two brainrots.

(if I missed someone lemme know - and Im going off current playable characters + pompom)

-

Astral Express Crew

Trailblazers would play Dark Tetra/Light Tetras Duelies! Specifically, I think Stelle would play Light Tetras and Caelus would play Dark Tetras!

Now you might be thinking March 7th plays TriStringer, but that doesnt seem right to me? I think she would play a Brella, and get really freakin good at it to! Personally Im leaning towards her using the regular Splat Brella !

Dan Heng is kinda difficult for me to pinpoint, but honestly I see him playing N-Zap '85? He seems like someone who just enjoys painting the map and giving March and the trailblazers a TON of Tacticoolers so they can constantly throw themselves into the Turf War.

Himeko would play a Charger. But not just any charger, she plays the Z+F Splatterscope WITH the scope. She just feels like someone who would be a menace with aiming.

Mr Welt Yang is another hard one for me to pinpoint, but he feels like a Splatling person? I know people are gonna say he would be a Splattershot JR cause hes old, but hear me out- He would go INSANE with the Zink Mini Splatling.

PomPom plays Splattershot Nova. Im sorry Im just right.

-

Herta Space Station / Genius Society

Herta herself definitely plays E-Liter 4K. Not the scope version, the basic version. It fits her too well Im sorry-

Asta feels like a Slosher player not gonna lie- Im feelin like a Sloshing Machine Deco? Trizooka and Point Sensor both suit her to so Im going with that.

-

Arlan definitely plays Splat Duelies or Splatana Stamper, I cant quite settle on which one? Im leaning towards Splat Duelies right now though-

Belobog

Bronya definitely also plays a Charger, but she plays the Snipewriter 5H! Cmon, its got Tacticooler, and its a cool weapon IMO. Just suits her personality cause you have to be super strategic with playing it!

Gepard is another difficult one- But ultimately Im landing on the Sorella Tenta Brella. Big shield, super protective and stally playstyle with Trizooka and Ink Mine- It just works!

Serval on the other hand DEFINITELY plays Splatana Wiper. And shes frickin GOOD at it.

Sampo plays a duelie I think, and honestly I see him playing the Glooga Duelies! Maybe its cause their blue and he also duelwields his blade dagger things but you get the point.

Natasha uses Heavy Edit Splatling. Do I even have to explain this one? Tacticooler and its a Splatling. It just makes sense.

Im sorry but Hook absolutely uses Flingza Roller. She would LOVE the Roller class and think Tenta Missles are hilarious.

Clara! Sweet Clara, she uses the Custom Splattershot Jr, and mostly just likes to paint up turf for her team!

Seele feels like another Splatana enjoyer. Spatana Stamper feels right, but I can be easily swayed if I find something else that suits her.

Lynx, Lynx, Lynx. Dapple Duelies. Fast, mobile, has Tacticooler and Beakons, and when she Turfs with Gepard and Serval their a menace on the field together.

Pela uses Custom Jet Squelcher! She seems like someone who would enjoy the far range and annoying people with Toxic Mist and Ink Storm. A menace on Undertow Spillway, probably.

Luka also probably uses a Duelie? He feels like a Duelie Squelcher person! (hey, thats my weapon of choice!) Its long distance but still gets into skirmishes and fights pretty often!

-

Xianzhou Luofu

Jing Yuan is honestly pretty easy- Cmon, he plays Splattershot Jr, the starting weapon. He picked it up and just never changed off it, and honestly its a really good choice so it works out nicely.

Sushang- Cmon, you know she plays Splatana Stamper. Zipcaster? Burst Bomb? She goes insane with it.

Tingyun is probably the hardest of the Luofu to place- But ultimately I think Im gonna go to Rapid Blaster Pro. I cant really explain why? It just fits IMO

Luocha feels like another NZap user, specifically the '89 one, but I can also see an argument for Nautilus 47.

Yukong plays the Inkline Tristringer! Our first bow character with a bow! Its a far back, support like weapon that honestly feels like the best pick for her!

Bailu definitely plays a support weapon but she constantly throws herself into the Turf War over and over. So Im saying she likes to use the Big Swig Express!

Yanqing plays the Splatana Wiper Deco! Beakon, Tenta Missles, and its a sword-like weapon. It just fits him.

Qingque feels like someone who would play Bloblobber. Its a gamble on a splat, and its a fairly good painting weapon as well!

Fu Xuan is another kinda interesting one to place, but Im gonna go with the .96 Gal Deco. Its got Ink Wall and Kraken Royale which both just go super hard and are strategic in their nature!

-

Stellaron Hunters

Silver Wolf ADHERES to the Competetive meta. She played Splash-o-matic AND Ballpoint, but probably prefers Splash-o-matic.

Kafka... the idea of her using Undercover Brella is funny, but I think ultimately she uses Painbrush. I also cant really explain this one but it makes sense to me.

Blade uses a feeder weapon without a DOUBT. He likely uses the feeder weapon, Dark Tetra Duelies, but also dabbles in other ones like Carbon Roller Deco.

-

and thats it for now- im gonna go draw or write hsr characters as inkling and octolings now byee

[swordfaery]

Hiii i was tagged by @protectoroffaeries

Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist. then tag 10 people to do the same thing.

i wanted to talk about everything so im putting it all under a readmore

on repeat:

good girls don't get used by beach bunny (ok so i listen to a lot of beach bunny. like a lot. i dont know why but it has that bpd swag and literally no else feels this theyre like its just cookie cutter straight girl music and Maybe It Is but i like. big fan of sports also would not surprised if that also crops up)

crooked teeth by death cab for cutie (this is my current favourite song. literally i hear it n im like hehe my song, n idk why i dont really like any of their other stuff)

steady, as she goes by the raconteurs (this is just bcos i like indie rock)

what went down by foals (ok. ok. this FUCKING album i have so many emotions about im like wow this album is literally about me for real and it is not in the slightest but anyway if you also like it talk to me about it im always like i am going to ANALYSE THE SHIT out of this album n ill get to like. birch trees n realise i dont know shit about music i just like the way the repeating motif combines with the sense of regret and going back to ur roots n shit)

up to no good by the hoosiers (literally i just love the undulating instrumentals in this ESPECIALLY the intro)

like sexy dynamite by orion expirience (im such a slut for orion expirience i love all their jazzy stuff n again. feels bpd coded n idk why potenially just the art of writing a song about being obsessed with someone and all the emotions in music are kinda close to how my intense bpd times feel. sorry ive been trying to tone down my bpd talk bcos i think its not helpful or fun for anyone but w music its like. oh this is bcos im boarderline this is bcos im boarderline. this post is gonna be so long im so sorry i will tag it)

chevvy thunder by spector (im just a big fan of this it goes so hard n the. suicide fakeouts w the enjambment really fuckin. i just love it)

goodbye mr a by the hoosiers (again. hoosiers got a great sound)

curses by the crane wives (musically very intersting i love the up n down of it idk how to explain it but it feels like sort of. a bobbing kinda dance)

little dark age by mgmt (i tried to get into dubstep bcos of donnie from rise tmnt. i do not know what dubstep is. it isnt this)

like all by different artists. this doesnt have to be different from artists in the og list right? i hope not

dance music by the mountain goats (i discovered this song like yesterday and oooh boy)

supermassive black hole by muse

lonely hunter by foals (again. what went down album. iconic. this one has the line love is not a gun in your hands though and aughhh)

i dare you by the regrettes (literally just a delightful love song that isnt about being gay but i think it is)

the main character by will wood (bpd)

cold weather by glass beach (bpd)

oh girl your the devil by mika (the no place in heaven album is fucking. chefs kiss. im obsessed with its like being gay, religious trauma, pop but with a funky style. incredible)

bad idea by girl in red (im just gay and make bad sexual decisions)

i dont care by fall out boy (bpd)

moth man by dirty bynam (this one is just fun)

okayyy im tagging @phantomxblood @teddybear-tebbydear @lemondoddle @alfredolover119 @lasilhouetteinbianco @jamesspidercat @kirkwords @thatsrightzoeyeyye @morgan-is-here @bookshelpwithmysocialanxiety

[magnoliamyrrh]

Thank you for talking about all this even through it's uncomfortable. I'm from the Balkans too and I went through some similar things, but I did not know it was such a common experience until I read the other anons and your experiences. I have never really told anyone about it and I still have hard time knowing how to feel, but I think what my Aunt did technically count as being molested? When I was still rather young she would "play" with me down there often and it would always feel overwhelming and too much. It has always made me feel odd looking back at it, and it disturb me to realize that she probably made me orgasm, but because it was not forced or painful and she was nice and because it was normalized for family to grope and sexualize in general I never complained or knew it was wrong and I have never known if it counts as actually being abused or not. But I guess... I am starting to realize that was not really normal

hey <3 yea, of course. i think its helpful to talk abt this shit for once, this culture of silence and shame and normalization doesnt seem to have rly helped any of us. thank you for sending this too

no its.. its definitely not normal, and im sorry you went through any of this anon <3 v much sending u a hug. we have just... for sure normalized a certain level and kind of pedophilia and incest in the balkans, particularly with young children, and its... really fucking weird. i totally get what you mean, i grew up w a v similar thing for years, and its v confusing and conflicting to grow up and realize it.. wasnt ok..this whole thing w messing around w little kids like that in the open and noone seeming to have any issue w it whatsoever bc they find it cute or endearing or playful or harmless or whatever the hell is just. really fucking weird. really weird. i still have a rather hard time trying to wrap my head around it bc i just.... really don't fucking get it ?? ive never been around a kid and thought oh yea hey you know what would be cute. doing that. and yet somehow this was just. fine???

and i know what you mean. often when you think of abuse or csa you think of something that is traumatic and violent and forced and leaves you feeling scared and violated and... its real odd when its not like that, and when it was just kinda a normalized thing that didnt necessarly seem bad or unpleasant or unwanted or traumatizing in the usual sense, tho personally i do think it definitely fucked me up. i think it makes it harder to know how the hell to feel about it, or how to feel about these people frankly.... i really dont know what to make of them. is this pedophilic behavior? yes...? do i think theyre pedophiles......???? yes? no? both? i have no idea, it doesnt seem like the sort of thing they do to get themselves off but rather bc its just.. normal to them and a normal way to show affection even though it is most fucking definitely not, and its definitely abusive. ..... I don't know. it really is all such a confusing entangeled mess, and I still cant believe weve somehow reached the point culturally where this stuff is just so normalized. im sorry again that uve been through this too anon im wishing u all the best and may you find some peace with all of this <3

[neerikiffu]

headline (i am very creative indeed) ((27.02.24))

i bingewatched the entirety of hamefura in 3 days and playing the game now

it doesn't go with turnip drivers so i have to sacrifice all of the quality and smoothing just to not get stutters, with the system driver

which is something like <480p and i can't even use the smoothing that makes the text readable cause that chops 10 fps off immediately and yet the screen still flashes black every ten seconds

painful for the eyes to be honest the game doesn't have anything in it that's worth so much gpu power (ui sucks!!! the pause menu should cover me up and it doesnt!!! the shortcuts don't make any sense!!! how the hell am i supposed to play in class???)

playing geordo and well i never liked him, im on 5th or 6th chapter rn i think the recommended route order and my willingness to maxx the game out didn't go anywhere, i can't just skip him

brawl stars servers are dead again (too many people like the update) and tbh im getting kinda lazy to play… still have to finish up the season though… how much time has left

they renamed ranks into tiers???????? tf 8 days left and 2k XP left and then im tier 50 (not rank tier, but bp tier)

alright i have enough quests to pull this off

BUT NOT ENOUGH HANDS THEY HURT THEY GET TIRED TOO FAST AND THEN HURT LIKE CRAZY

tbh not like crazy but annoying as hell man

so i already paid for the coolest left-handed mouse ever (i give up on my right hand, may it rest in peace LITERALLY I AM GIVING IT REST) and now am trying my best to not buy half of aliexpress accidentally cause the keyboard now tires me out as well

i wanted to buy keycaps too, but will just buy switches decided on gateron g pro whites v3

that's like $40 for 110 pieces… that's like a whole new keyboard off of the same aliexpress… but the money is burning some gaping void pits in my pockets while setting the entirety of me ablaze and i can't wait to spend it because i have no goals or aspirations i am not geordo, though there is little hope left

all my career paths kinda presume me being in front of my pc for 10h+ a day, and my hopes and dreams do too

it's in my best interest to make the job easier for self (自分)

on an off note, i think that if i spoke japanese i'd use the atashi pronoun, and occasionally jibun lmao that's literally pronouns huh

i haven't studied jp for a week because i gave in to burnout

but today i managed to start and let's just hope that after writing this post out i'll be able to come back to it

talking about giving in to burnout that's supposedly called living without the grind and constant feelings of guilt huh

tbh it went as far as to make me a little bit more suitable for reality

i probably dissociated too hard this time, because school isn't painful anymore, and i am even able to enjoy and live through it (presuming i am distracted 100% of the time)

some people even hug me

crazy stuff

but talking about school - there's no hope (note: hope that would align with MY PREFERENCES) for me if i don't get my shit straight

please give me powers and HANDS to come back to gamedev

i have to work

nothing will work if i wont work

[nicekaylee]

july fucking 31st

it's 2 am

after the show i said fuck all of THIS

and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy

and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started. but anyways thats a write up for another day. im just going to talk about something specific that happened today.. im so pissed, and heartbroken.

CONTEXT

in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl. the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out, and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone, and it's really nice. i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me. and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that. fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away. i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all. and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided. I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all. not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context. THE REAL STORY

so it's july 2023 i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings. we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck. during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that. i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.

so i need to tell her asap.

i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.

because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.

TODAY she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings?? anyways,

i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..

NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..

we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them! she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke. WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her. she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that. someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--

THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)?? LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES?? .....WHAT THE FUCK...

im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb. she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again. what the fuck. im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..

but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for . she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care. i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me. that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay. anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore. i really hope she lets me see her man. i just want to let her know how special she is to me. it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything. and maybe she'll share something loving as well

maybe