#doesnt make any sense to make it a big deal. I mean. he knew. he's not stupid

[megaclubdiolis]

柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第三十九回 「とだえぬ絆」 ​​​

[everybodyloveshippos]

Children of Malice

Vierna, Maya, Briza Drizzt, Nalfein, Dinin

redraw/redesign of the Do'Urden family (probably will draw Malice, Zak and Rizzen next)

design notes/headcanons under the cut

i usually just have thoughts about the character as im designing so for a few things i was like 'oh thats a thought' also yes i know children of malice is a CR thing too haha

-i wasnt originally gonna draw 'lolths embrace' since these are just my own designs not visual dictionary but like....facial markings are really cool and so i ended up looking up various spider markings (i only used those specific realworld spider designs for dinin, who i also gave darker marking as opposed to lighter) and briza

-i also prefer the idea that its not actually anything to do with lolth, its just a genetic marking that some have and some don't. also the proximity to magic/faezress theory (?) was cool so there's not a huge meaning here; though i guess im guilty bcus I didnt give them to drizzt or vierna

-maybe zak doesnt have them and neither do his kids which sorta spurs on the heretic theory when its actually just a genetic thing that has no actual bearing on lolth's favour

-the women wear more gold and the men more silver, however the men can wear gold; they just have to be wary with standing out more than their sisters. any given day could be too much and cause for a beating

-nalfein likes jewelry and decorations/makeup and is more flashy when he's away at sorcere. his ears are marked up from training with/lessons from zak, who frequently would smack his ears when he was displeased with him. they blend in with lolth's embrace and he will cover them with makeup or a glamour on occasion. i just got the sense he was somewhat insecure given how he kept challenging zak and was written off by his family as mediocre. i think he liked being at sorcere more than at the house

-drizzt takes out his braids whenever he can. he likes his hair loose

-so does dinin. i think a lot of his appearance is meant to attract attention and establish his individuality

-i've always given vierna bangs and a ponytail BUT i love her braids in the comic so I gave her those too. her hair is unruly, like drizzts. she has a couple visible scars as opposed to her sisters because she trained more with zak. he felt bad about it but a bit relived when she didnt make a big deal out of getting a bit marked up. malice was angry

-maya has markings on her ears, so she doesnt pierce them. she wears makeup but forgets its there, and sleeps in it and wipes it off by accident. since her hair is shorter she decorates with little spider gold clips

-i will die on the headpiece hill. og drizzt oldman swag

-compared to my older art of them (first fanart of the series! i knew i was in when i drew all the siblings lol) i think i changed nalfein most to be less ...square....i hit him w a yassification beam and gave him eyebrows

[thesimulacrasimp]

🦷🎪THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS EPISODE 3 SPOILERS🎪🦷

Okay i wasnt really planning to make this post but i really wanna. I know everyone is talking about Kinger rn n i would too, but i would just say the things everyone already mentioned, so i wanna talk about my bbg Caine again.

That may sound weird, but i REALLY wasnt expecting a character development for him, thats just always sounded crazy to me: AN AI. HAVING A. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. When im thinking bout it right now i think i shouldve expect it, with Gummigoo being an npc and having real emotions and feelings in ep 2, but i just always thought that Caine will be the same as character and wont get any character development through the show like everyone else does, yknow like in the 2nd ep we got Pomni's development and in 3rd — Kinger's and a little of Zooble's — i knew that we're gonna have that for every other human in this world (aka Raghatha, Gangle, Zooble and Jax (yeah i still think that jax is a human, theres no way hes an npc, that just doesnt make any sense, considering that Goose gave a canon age for him, so i dont believe in this stupid theory, sorry not sorry)) , but seeing Caine having other emotions besides happiness and sillieness (WHICH I REALLY DIDNT FUCKING EXPECT, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT AN AI THAT WAS MADE TO ENTERTAIN VIEWERS AND HIS "OBJECTS" (i didnt know how else to call the humans in da circus, srry, english isnt my first language) WOULDNT HAVE ANY REAL EMOTIONS — ALL HED DO WOULD BE FOR ENTERTAINMENT), so seeing him having REAL emotions was something i expected less than anything. JUST LOOK AT HIM BEING ACTUALLY IRRITATED AND OFFENDED.

And of course his almost breakdown scene. I WASNT EXPECTING THIS SHIT AT ALL. An Ai having a literal CRISIS because he realized that hes bad at the only thing he supposed to be good at is just...

And this is not only sad but also scary, you know why? Because when he started thinking about it, realizing it — the whole world started to glitch heavily.

And its DEFINITELY means something. My theory is that this world and Caine is kinda one isnt separating thing — if Caine is feeling good and happy - the world is also good, if Caine is having a breakdown and crisis - the world is also not feeling really good, if Caine is gone - the world is also gone, and now i think that we'll DEFINITELY get another moment in the future where Caine will be having a crisis (maybe even more extreme than that one) to the point where the world will become an absolute MESS of a glitches and the crew would have to deal w this somehow (and all of this probably will be made into a silly haha joke from Caine in the end). Idk how much of it will be the truth in the end - maybe some of it, maybe literally nothing, who knows, its just a theory.

Also this moment made me choke fr. Bro got so deep into his mind that he needed a therapist for HIMSELF

Holy shit that was a big ramble srry bout that, I just really REALLY love my silly goober Caine n i wanted to talk about him. Thanks for reading! And sorry for my horrible english lol

my sweetheart, my scrunkly, my babygirl💗💗💗

[zxal]

do you have any characterization tips for skuld/subject x. asking for a friend

INHALES REALLY HARD. skuld is a leader. it makes perfect sense that she was chosen by ava. she keeps a level head and acts as a support for the others when things get dire. I get the impression that she plays things off as not a big deal even if it really bothers her, like when player first meets her and she tells them about how she used to be friends with ephemer but then he abandoned her and she's like "i used to be really upset about it but now i'm over it :)" girl (shaking her) you can be mad ITS OK. skuld cares a lot about doing things the "right way" ("they're rules. of course they're set in stone.") but also has a strong sense of right & wrong and sometimes that comes into conflict (doesn't want to agree to shift pride even though it's in the rules bc she doesn't like the idea of keyblade wielders fighting each other). she carries a lot of weight on her shoulders even before she becomes a union leader ("i can't just sit back and wait for the end to come") and feels responsible for the rest of the dandelions (telling elrena to go to the real world because the union leaders are the ones responsible for daybreak town's destruction). she keeps it together until it's the very end & she's literally lost all hope ("i'm glad i don't have to face the end alone") and even then she is still TRYING to keep it together. no one is allowed to see her fall apart. not even ephemer. especially not ephemer

meanwhile a lot of my interpretation of subject x is informed by the fact that it's been 10 years for her and she still doesnt remember anything and what must that be like - but she remembers the boys who used to visit her & even though we don't get to see much of subject x's perspective I think she has the potential to be just as obsessive and self-destructive about them as isa is about her. i think if subject x knew isa & lea were in danger there would be no survivors. but she doesn't so she's like "i wonder if they remember me :(" while isa is sacrificing himself over and over and over and over for her sake the whole time. subject x is skuld with the limiters removed. do you know what i mean. i've been trying to divorce my thoughts about subject x from my thoughts about skuld JUST IN CASE the worst case scenario (subject x not being skuld) comes true ... they will always be the same in my heart but i think it still really works to interpret them as two distinct characters, especially considering subject x still doesn't remember anything (& aren't we familiar with the question of are you the same person without your memories?) - you can have a really fun time playing with the idea of her having a fractured sense of self I think. ANYWAY. EXHALES. She's my girl she's everything to me she has so many problems she is never ever ever going to talk about

[cannoliparty]

jadekat & why i love it

jadekats this really interesting homestuck pairing to me! i feel like its because both jade & karkat are cool characters on their own, but their great strengths come with great flaws, and their dynamic balances out these flaws so well. it's a strangely underrated pairing too, considering jade is probably the character karkat most obviously flushes for in the comic, next to terezi. ill be explaining why i think this bond is so overlooked.

jade has a variety of strengths. as a witch of space, it makes sense. space is on a more grand level of intuition and clear knowledge on a vast amount of things, leading to space players sometimes not being able to explain the way things are in detail. this vastness also comes with a "wait-and-see" approach, as space is always growing organically, like an organism/plant. as a witch, jade followed through completing time loops with eagerness and a loss of wanting to know exactly why these loops must be fulfilled, simply believing things like fate knew what they were doing, and everything would come into order. shes also very well-versed in science, rifles, childhood cartoons, plants... she does everything she possibly can with the space around her, manipulating it (therefore "manipulating space") to her own will!

on a more characteristic standpoint, jade is socially isolated. shes nice to everyone she comes across (until theyre mean) but she has isolation problems. living on an island alone has made her used to having things done in her own methodical and scientific way, simply because thats the way she believes in. shes at a loss when it comes to chaotic, unorderly things like karkat's memos with his future/past selves! she just doesnt know how to handle it because she's only known how to be in tune with her own thoughts & feelings.

karkat is well-versed in the way relationships are supposed to go. he's watched an abundance of rom-coms and dealed with all his friends as a leader. it makes sense why he's so good at knowing how others feel and how to care for them. the problem is that he doesn't know how to outwardly express his own feelings or care at all. he doesn't know how to approach terezi without fighting with her, but still constantly pesters these people he likes with his angry, nonsensical ways.

when jade and karkat interact in the comic, it's confusing at first. karkat is constantly pestering jade at random intervals of time, and this ruins her ordered way of working around stuff. she develops these "conversation passwords", an intuitive way of staying on the same time track with the trolls. karkat is obviously angered by jade's action, but after realizing jade won't budge about it he goes along with it. in openbound, it's even revealed he used one of these conversation keys as a password for his own memories in a dream bubble!

in the memos with karkat's multiple selves, jade learns not everything can always be so orderly and clear, and this is very hard for her to stomach. she wants to quit dealing with it, but karkat's stubborness makes her deal with these messy, personal feelings.

in summary, jadekat's this great, balanced dynamic. jade teaches karkat to be more open and true to himself and his own feelings, while also getting him out of trouble with ridiculous things like future selves and all-over-the-time-loop conversations with clear solutions to get him back into the big picture. karkat teaches jade to consider the smaller details and how the more orderly paths can't constantly be taken to solve something.

this is all i have right now, i hope it makes sense!! i tried not to connect this to a lot of classpecting cuz i feel like jadekat's mainly about focusing on the very feelings of the characters (whether clear or messy) instead of just connecting them to a grander thing. lmk if u have any thoughts on jadekat or just jade/karkat in general ^_^!!

[single-malt-scotch]

i have watched bdubs and scar and so im gonna talk abt SL again like i did before. obvs spoilers!

i keep my posts pretty meta/only about the game, its mechanics, balance etc so i have no bias on players own actions. but i do want to talk about players and the final moments for a minute here!

obvs i like bdubs a lot and hes been very good at getting to almost the finals in all the series. hope ppl realize that more. if he had more hearts like scar did im sure he could of have gotten further too. etho's ep isnt out but i saw him die in scar's and scar's ep was wild for sure. i mean damn, there was hardly a way etho could have escaped scar when he landed right on top of him, insane. obvs i dont have a view on the others i havent watched but it was interesting to see how they ganged up in this series for the end. scar winning made me happy too, hes a really good player!!

bbut onto the gameplay. i dont wanna repeat myself so im kinda using this as an overall conclusion + specific thoughts about the finale.

its been established clearly that mods assign specific tasks to people at times. and the warden/wither + bogey were not something i enjoyed. this season felt way too "directed" as it went on... and i also think the tasks ability to grant you so much good stuff (a LOT of hearts) is what kept everyone out of being red so easily! which is probably why they did the bogey zombies. which is really just poor balance that no one clearly tested (i recall grian implying before that they dont really test anything but dont quote me on that). maybe a way to have improved that would have been reds were the only ones to gain hearts, and yellow/greens could not. i knew from the start that the heart giving mechanics this season were kind of pointless or overpowered. gifting one heart? really...? that doesnt add up to much of anything in the long run imo unless you manage to get hearts from multiple people. and then on top of that you get hearts back from the secret keeper too. i would have loved if this season was simply "no regen and thats it!" like a sorta UHC deal where you only can heal with specific items (and not 30 hearts prob? bc i understand the tasks were kind of a way to possibly make them die).

on big forced tasks it only made sense with this episode, since everyone is red, so i dont mind that. but again.... they had to force this to happen which is annoying to me. also in terms of balance i really wished they bring back strict rules on enchantments because that also gets frustrating to watch. but perhaps i just like fairness in combat due to watching so much UHC, which also is a death game.

the other issues i had were with reds and red tasks. as pointed out they forced reds in the previous sessions but no one had any time to do red tasks?? and admittedly it was kind of boring bc people couldnt interact about it without failing. but they could not team up properly and i think that is what red life is all about. all the reds coming together because they *need* to face yellows and greens, and hunt people down. but instead the few reds there had to be alone to do their traps, another social issue with this series where tasks often pulled people away from others and left them with videos where they were very alone. there being no space for greens and yellows to exist and get hunted is something i think is great in previous seasons too and it just didnt happen. all that getting forced in that one session just didnt flow well to me.

really even trying to look back at episodes, i cant recall any notable interactions between people i enjoyed minus some brief pauses when they were traveling to do their tasks. there just wasnt a lot of typical socializing! and thats what i didnt like with this series. this plus the balance issues of lives just made this series feel messy, and the length of the episodes due to tasks could be kind of boring if the task was boring or even felt too stressful to force them into places where they could just die (these kinds of dangerous tasks given to greens or yellows felt unfair, as if it was trying to force them to die, and as a viewer i wouldnt want the game make my fave die!).

and as i mentioned in a different post, the lack of fixing some issues in multiple seasons is wild to me. this season faced the same issue as limlife where deaths were not in chat. the episode after, they fixed it (still with some bugs). and then it happened again last session.... and they didnt fix it! this is also annoying bc people dont react to the deaths at all which you kind of wanna see you know? actually im not even sure why they still did it this way. i imagined the clock running out made it more complicated for the system of fying to work. but why this season....? seemed like pretty forward deaths. idk the tech side, but they had 3 solid lives like all the other season, and there were never issues with the death messages happening at all.

but anyways. theres multiple parts of this i mentioned above that just made this gimmick feel so messy and unbalanced, and sometimes not super interesting to watch. it was way too complicated some times. i know theyll likely never do a repeat of the old versions but man idk if i cant find myself liking future seasons if they start stacking so much on top of what is a simple concept. it has started to feel like the three lives havent mattered at all/arent really the focus-- the anxiety of having three times. and the stakes become less and less due to some of these new gimmicks (the ability to gain lives in so many easy ways- limlife and secret life- is why imo) makes death feel less of a problem especially when we know how buddy buddy everyone is now. people need to be limited like before, and be more anxious. 3L, LL, and DL had people quickly establishing their friends bc they knew right from the get go that the series really depended on them being alive and nothing else. the only focus was to stay alive and not die. DL was where ppl kinda chilled a bit on alliances bc they knew each other more but, death was still right around the door with health being tied, it still brought a similar kind of anxiety for players.

i do hope people like grian can recognize these issues behind the scenes bc genuine critique for this series/season is important. like i hope they dont brush off the fact "hall monitors" were an issue-- they can ignore them openly in their videos.... but there is a reason why its a problem that started at all. the concept was way too subjective and hard to judge! so id hate for them to decide "eh, lets not listen to them, im gonna keep doing this and not consider the issue for a new season" right? and hour long episodes? thats crazy, and i dont think it was good for a lot of cc imo, because it made me way less likely to watch or even finish others' episodes. i hope that makes sense... stakes need to be raised, and i think limlife still achieved that to some degree because time was still very sensitive and risky to take. but then SL comes in bringing way too many things that keep them alive far too easily, leaving very little concern as long as they got their task in.

and last thing is from the outside pov i get concerned about this season happening only 6 months after the last one. because that would very very easily cause a burn out/inability to make more gimmicks real quick. i find this particularly odd bc this season too place through multiple holidays...! not sure if they thought this one through very well. considering how much limlife changed things in a way that was a bit more complicated, and then have SL with even more going on.... id just be worried about how much new stuff would even be made after this.

before this season started i was thinking to myself that i would be fine if this was the last one (it was speculation off some posting 3L compilations that was being me think itd be 'over' bc that was the first season). and truly i would be fine if they stopped forever for for a long time. i dont want to start disliking this series if they keep going in this direction... i will ALWAYS enjoy seeing these people play together and it will no doubt keep me watching but, i would hope that i will enjoy what they do for the next seasons and not fall down this path of convoluted, unbalanced and complicated concepts.

[winderlylandchime]

(Lets all say a silent thank you to my cousin who suggested that I record him at major moments last week) 2/3And Brian said there’s nothing noble about being poor. (And my brother lost his mind. Im glad you gave me a heads up that you guys were wondering about this scene so i could film him) ‘Wait!!!!! hold up!!! Pause it! I’ve had thoughts about brian and money and *waves his hands while fast walking* stuff but I need my laptop! (he has over 20 google tabs opened with research about colleges in Pittsburgh that could do marketing degrees, how much it would cost and shit like that. One tab was also ‘how to learn to play violin in less than a week’ he said he wanted to see if its really that hard) Okay so! I’ve been thinking A LOT about this. So Mike said they were in the same school, remember? But Mike dropped out or something like that from college which to be fair, so did I and I think I’m doing fantastic, haters that go by the name mom and dad may disagree but I’m here for a fun time not to cure cancer, anyway back to Brian. Brian has this big fancy wearing suit type of job and he’s a partner remember? So that unfortunately demands a resume with big words on it like “college”. So Brian definitely went to college and he obviously worked his ass off since clearly him and Mike are nowhere near each other cash wise. I mean a loft like that? That he probably owns? At 30? Plus the suit wearing job? Yeah, he did a lot of work and probably even had straight As. Probably even in high school so he could get into college AND like how he keeps going at Justin for school? Remember him being impressed by his SATs and how he would make him study like crazy. Shit I wouldn’t be surprised if he even quizzed him during sex. Poor Justin for sure got a boner while taking a test. Wait im getting distracted! Anyway his *gags* dad also took money for him AND HE HAD IT FUCKING READY! He went to see him and he already had it ready! And just before his nephew said Brians sister says he doesnt give them any money which clearly not true to some level but clearly they saw him make money and they took it. And we both know that house was on fire! It was burning every day! This dude made it out alive but he most definitely got 3rd degree burns. So he for sure knew the only way out was to turn 18 and get into college far away and then never come back unless it’s for a funeral to make 100% sure that they are in in that box. So him saying there’s nothing noble about being poor is coming from a different place than what Justin is dealing with with that fucker. That dude is just a broke college student who got offered a deal that kinda sucks BUT he said it himself to Jen, his parents payed for shit, they supported him. Meanwhile Brian? Every single thing he has down to his drugs was bought by him. And i doubt he’d ever take anything from anyone because you know how shitty abusive parents are? They buy you a box of cereal once and then throw it in your face for 3 years straight. So he probably never got anything from his parents and if he did it came with a price *looks at paused Brian on tv and takes a deep breath* and probably some bruises too. So him saying and thinking that, is coming from a place of survival and “look what i did for myself” when everyone probably told him he’s never gonna be anything except maybe dead. And sure he clearly loves money and power since he’s even willing to work with that fucker but in some way can you blame him? He was powerless all his life. But if that would be Ethan who would say that? Now that’s different. It’s not exactly survival in the same sense *looks at me in worry* i fear, i lost the plot of the point..i will make it back but i need to think. *plays the episode again* ‘WHY WOULD THEY MAKE HIM JERK OFF TO RAGE?! No matter what he’s always gonna be obsessed with Brian. HE IS RUNNING WITH SPERM IN HIS CUP! RUN FORREST RUN. Is that really how this was done?’

WOW the character analysis from your brother… I personally think he’s spot on (I’ve given a lot of thought to Brian’s SES background and where he is financially and professionally at the start of the show… too much thought? Nah.) (Btw tell your brother some day that the fandom thinks Brian went to Carnegie Mellon - I love all his open tabs) And this is happening in parallel to Stockwell - Brian is clearly a take the money and who tf cares where it’s from because he had to be, he didn’t have any alternative. His advice makes perfect sense for him to have survived.

Cosign your brother’s analysis.

[gardenofsinners]

mahoyo! spoilers under the cut

tldr, mahoyo is really really good. if you’re a fan of any of type moon’s works, you’ll enjoy it immensely. buy it NOW.

i’ll preface this with my thoughts on the more broader aspects that appeal to Me As A Reader, before i go into the story. the overall translation felt really good. it was completely in line with the lingo i’m aware of from type moon’s usual works, and they did a really good job actually skirting around honorifics (and the dreaded Big Sis translation). obviously many words can be said about Sizuki and Yamasiro, but that’s beside the point.

the big issue is really with proofreading. there’s a lot of typos and other issues, which i’ll say is a result of the simultaneous release and a rushed schedule. i think these are easily fixed, but i dont think it ruins the overall experience that much. that being said:

i enjoyed it! while not my favorite due to its overall lighter tone, it still set out what it Wanted To Do. mahoyo was nasu’s first work, and he used it to get into the heart of his universe: mages. does it do a good job at this? id say Yeah. i think that it gets a little overzealous with explanations, but thats why soujyuro’s there. it explains the things you Need to know, and allows you to get yourself into the world.

on soujyuro, the characters are honestly some of nasu’s best just in terms of charm. every side character makes themself really visible despite the small cast, and it leads to you really enjoying the plethora of side moments the story gives you inbetween the main points. the one about soujyuro possibly working at a scam job is probably my favorite, just because of how it culminates all those characters into one scenario, and it ends on a really good note too there.

aoko as a protagonist is a joy. i’m always a sucker for Mean Women, and her character is really interesting after reading tsukihime, where she’s only caring to the one person in front of her. hell, even in her melty blood story modes, she’s still a little mean but in the way that’s kind at first glance. seeing her be Unabashedly An Asshole, especially when touko’s existence and personality stayed pretty much the same 9 years later in kara no kyoukai. the fact that you get to visibly see some of that kindness of dealing with soujyuro begin here to finally get to the end point of tsukihime is so cool, and really shows that nasu put care into that aspect.

alice was also a surprise favorite. her abilities are rad as hell (though, im still a little confused at aoko having called them Magic.) and the reveal at the end was such a big surprise i dont even wanna say it just in case someone’s reading this and Hasn’t Read It. her and aoko in the aquarium was a really good scene as well (insert joke about yuri aquariums) and her friendship with aoko is so fun to watch considering their Weird Circumstance Of Being Mages Who Will Kill Eachother. it ends up for a really enjoyable dichotomy and i like her a lot. Transgender i think

soujyuo. i dont know why i thought i wouldn’t be too interested in him but he grew on me FAST. his cute little expressions and his super upbeat personality led to him being Really Fucking Good. i’m super interested in his backstory as well, his life in the mountains being taken away after his father(?) died and soujyuro asked about why they were there. knowing how he’s a precursor to all of the other tm protagonists makes me think he was being trained in demon hunting or otherwise a la the nanaya, which would be a very interesting backstory for him.

on the lore side, i can’t say much due to how much i knew going in. however, seeing The Counter Force be against true magic makes sense and was cool for me to connect the dots on, even if the novel itself doesnt follow up on it and you’re just supposed to Know if you’ve read or will read stay night. its fun. i mentioned it before but it was a little funny to have alice cut off aoko before she could talk about all the true magics in detail. we will never know anything about the first or fourth.

it’s pacing felt a little fast. i really did want to spend more time with these characters and it felt like it ended fairly quickly at the end. i think the action doesnt rise as much as it could. i think that may also be an issue of Knowing Touko And Aoko Get Out Fine At The End, which i did get pretty worried for soujyuro at the end there but in a twist that was actually pretty out of left field for how i know nasus stories going, the whole kuonji estate gets to stick together after the fact. overall i think i still enjoy knk and tsukihime over it, but i think it has a broader appeal.

as a final note, koyama’s art style is an absolute wonder to look at. the personality he puts into his artwork is really strong, and all the expressions and such were absolutely amazing. its hard for me to say whether i prefer his art to the combination work him and takeuchi do for kagetsu tohya onward, it’s a nice change of pace. the backgrounds especially had me constantly in awe, especially the sweeping shots of misaki’s hills, it was incredible to look at every second of the way.

really, all i can say is type-moon is amazing as usual. and i really, really cant wait for not only red garden, but any future vns they put out (obviously the mahoyo trilogy, but… i do wanna see some new ips from nasu. it’s been since technically fate since we’ve gotten a whole new cast of characters from him)

[thewalkingdeadband]

CARYL'S LAST EPISODE... (It IS going to be long, beware...) please note that these are only my opinion and the things i felt while watching

----------------

I dont know where to start... i posponed in order to try to gather my thoughts but its hard..

Im not okay. Im not fine. I keep thinking about what we were supposed to have. Them riding off together. Now imagine the same ending scene for them, saying both goodbye to the kids and Ezekiel, with the same beautiful music in the background....

We probably wouldn't have had an I love you then, nor a kiss i believe, but we would've had them leaving together and riding off to their spin off. Which was the plan. Which was the fucking plan. The fucking endgame plan. With or without canon. This is all i could think while watching the scene and hearing the music behind.

I was so caught up in the episode earlier with Rosita and everything happening that it almost took me the time jump to remember that it was the last twd ep ever and that they were going their separate ways at the end, within the next 20 mns or so. Thats when it hit me. Again.

So they were together the whole way this episode, taking care both of Judith, Carol taking care of Daryl, both respectfully giving Magna/Connie/Yumiko/Kelly some space to say goodbye and mourn Luke while trying to save Jude. And while watching over her, they gave each other at some point a beautiful longing look .

She helped him giving his blood, she teared up with relief when Little ass kicker woke up, her hands in her hair.

I loved all that.

Then: bam, action, back to the rest of the episode, fastforward to the end with them locking Pamela up and giving her the same kind of speech Richonne gave when they locked up Negan in the s8 finale. Please. And let's not even go back to Family 11.23, where they ran with Judith in Daryl's arms and Carol clearing the way, just as Richonne with Carl in s6.... Please, again.

But back to Rest in Peace:

Time jump: we have Connie running towards Daryl and my heart shattered a little, thinking "oh no its like Zeke in 9x01, they made them canon post time jump". But no, so huuuuuge relief, cause im not gonna lie and pretend: she did look like a girlfriend running towards her boyfriend in this scene, and that was totally done on purpose i believe. That said, we knew he was leaving and as far as we knew not with Connie so it didnt make sense for me to actually worry i guess ?

And then we see Carol. Short haired. Which i liked. Because if having long hair meant feeling safe enough coz Ed couldnt grab them anymore so no need to cut them short, having short hair again meant, in my opinion: now i feel safe regardless of my haircut, no one's gonna hurt me, Ed is long dead, i can feel safe and relaxed with long OR short hair.

And then we have the goodbye....

I wish you were coming with me. I was torn between screaming "dont we all" and "no shit sherlock".

This is going to be good for you, for me.

Yes. You heard that. To be separated. Good.for.them. Why? How? When? The hell does it mean? I had time to think abt it, and i dont like what i came up with:

"i love u too much and it scares me? We're too fusional? We hurt each other too much lately?? You re better off without me because im not good for u anyway? And to be alone - without u- for a while will allow me some time to heal ?"

After he says goodbye to the kids and zeke, Judith goes, hey, daryl, u deserve happiness too and yes, she seems to look behind, towards Carol but no, im not going to make conclusions out of it even if i love the idea, especially considering what Norman said to Vanity fair abt this line ("if there is any line from the finale that carries over to the spin off , it's that one"). That doesnt look good but i also know not to make a big deal out of what actors say - good or bad, honestly - and at this point i dont wanna care for now, we'll see.

Here's the link for this interview:

Then ... I LOVE YOU

SO... unfortunately, it was said in the same episode than Rosita/Eugene's i love you, and than Magna's " I love you" and "we love you so much" to Luke. So yeah, anyone can see it as platonic if they want to, and put Caryl in the same box as Rosita/Eugene and Luke/his group. It was done on purpose to me.. a la "see? This is the last episode, so this is the episode of the i love yous and do what u want with it"

BUT... the way he said it sounded romantic as hell to me (same as the look he gave her when he answered "yeah..." to her "its a beautiful day to head out"...).

This is her answer/response that bothered me. He said it as a sort of relief for me, like "i finaaaally let it out of my chest", and "i fucking mean it" but she brushed it off, a la "yeah sure pookie dont make fun of me" and to be honest i was almost expecting her to have a "staaaaap" Daryl call back (rofl/tears/idontevenknowanymore). Then she kind of realised he was serious and answered a bit shyly/awkardly i love u too. I was like oh come on!!!! Does she STILL think she's not good enough for his love??

To me he looked disappointed for a nanosecond, and then "oh well", touches her face, they hug, smile, look sad, and off we go. (Yes, maybe it was more Melissa/Norman than Caryl at this point, i dont know).

And then he looks like he wants to say something to her again, and i want to believe it was something like either "u sure u dont want to come ? Please come? " And/ or "i actually love you, you know ? " but eh...

At the end of the day, of course i loved the I love you. For freak's sake, he didnt say it to anyone else in this show, and it is a big deal coming from him, and he said it first. He could have just said: im gonna miss u so much. No, his last words to her were i love you. His last words ever in the main show were to Carol and it was I love you. Of course i screamed with joy regardless of everything.

Ok, to end this dead ass long post, two more things:

Considering everything, im glad Carol's with the kids. Since i like Carick, it gives me hope that maybe, maybe, he could reunite with his kids and Carol (with Rick being forever grateful to her once more), with Daryl - and Michonne of course - being obviously right beside him... since a Rickyl reunion is more than sure at this point, which would lead to a - one can hope- Caryl reunion too...

Also i like the idea of Judith taking care of Carol like Daryl asked. After everything, this is a nice concept. She needs to be taken care of, for once. And if its by the kids, nice touch, since she's taken care of them so much. Plus Carol and Judith being close is all i ever hoped for.

On a lighter note - and please note that it was only a joke to cheer me up, and that i LOVE Ezekiel :

Not my bf saying while watching the caryl goodbye: "look at Zeke being "lets get the fuck out of here kids im not watching this emotional goodbye" while still staying not too far behind to make sure Daryl's actually leaving"

It made me laugh trough my tears, but in all seriousness, Zeke gave them space and i loved him for that, also his hug with Daryl was heartfelt and touching. I want him to find happiness and really move on.

NB: i had a thousand more things to say, but its already way too long...

NB bis: i wish they had brought up the cherokee rose. They were in a beautiful place where there were probably a lot of flowers, he could have taken one and put it in her hair to cheer her up since she was crying and sad. Well, cherokee roses may not be easy to find i dont know... but you know, anything that makes a nice call back to that. Or the acorns. Or the bracelet. Make one last cute joke abt that. For example.

Oh, and have u seen how Maggie asked to see and talk to them both about exploring the world? Since Carol says u want to talk etc. I bet this scene wasnt changed and was in the original way to send caryl into their spin off...

[flamechasr]

uhm.......... how about that time i dragged him out to stargaze and ik he was really bored and probably preferred to be in his room reading or something but he went along anyway and it made me so happy bc there was someone my age and even though we were totally different its just nice to get along with him like i really liked being around himeko and mr. yang of course but it's just different! bc theyre like my parents but having dan heng with us actually felt like i had a friend. plus i felt like he needed some fun in his life and i really wanted to be the one to bring that! he never asked or anything cause duh it's dan heng but whenever i got him to smile its like the biggest accomplishment ever.... and also that time i had nightmares and i should've gone to himeko bc it made the most sense but i felt bad abt waking her up and dan heng is the only one on the train who regularly stayed up late so i went to him super embarrassed but he was so nice and let me stay. even tho i could tell he was definitely awkward i just didnt want to sleep alone and the data bank isnt a big room but we fit just fine. and in the morning when stelle couldnt find me in my room and he had to cover for us both was so funny bc to this day i Dont Know if stelle knew (even if she did its not a big deal, just a bit embarrassing bsdsdsk) and idk omg im ridiculously happy about how he's been feeling more at ease with us because its been a long time coming but we care him so much and he shouldnt have to feel like he needs to keep secrets with us . like i mean i say offhanded things sometimes but i would never Judge bc no matter what he was still my super cool super smart dan heng. like when he started opening up to us + me a lot more i was genuinely so happy bcs no matter what i just wanted to be reliable to him as much as he was to me and well maybe i wasnt the quintessential reliable figure but if nothing else i would listen! and give my opinions and im sure he didnt need them but it just makes sense. bc i was starting to feel bad that i asked him for help sooo much and i never really did anything for him besides being a little spark of light in his life.. purhaps .... because in the end he is a special person in my life too, who always kept me in check and comforted me (badly but its ok), protected me and stood by me no matter what. i just gggahh i love him to unbearable amounts. i often got frustrated bc hes just never transparent when it came to emotions and it made things really hard sometimes because like i didnt know what i could to do help him and if i asked he'd just say he doesnt need any like UGH how HARD can u be. and i am so scared of messing up but he's never mad at me for it, even when i definitely annoyed him he would never say a genuine mean thing for me (cause we had our playful mean moments) and i get it actually. in the end i think he was doing so much better and i just hope hope hope i brought just a bit of happiness to his life and i wasnt too much ahahahah. i love him i will eat him

blows up

[paint-music-with-me]

.

[alwaysxyou]

Oh I wish you wouldn't withhold your thoughts on this disaster - yours is one of the voices I trust most on these issues because you are generally quite balanced and positive in your opinions, and because you also have actual professional experience in this field. As a casual observer this leaves such a bad taste in my mouth for both Florence and H and I can't believe how easily so many people are participating in this narrative.

that story is making me feel spicy so here ya go! 

things i "know" (aka have been told by people who are close to it that i trust)

jason and o were fine and her breaking it off with him came out of nowhere. he was blindsided

she broke it off with jason because of the stunt (i dont know WHEN that officially happened aka how long before we saw it)

it's well known industry-wide that their relationship is fake

it's well known industry-wide that harry is LGBTQ (and less well known, but still well known, that harry has a long term partner)

it’s very common for movie campaigns to try to make it seem like your main two actors are a thing. i was on a campaign once where they tried to do it (i refused to help on it, as much as i had a say at the time). it was not successful anyways lol no one cared 

things i assume:

i firmly believe o is a textbook narcissist

o received a ton of press after booksmart, which did really well. but a lot of the angle was that she is a great indie and niche director and i can easily see this pissing her off if she wanted to be considered a mainstream director

which led to the deal she made when she sold the movie (i know this was confirmed but i dont remember the source) - once the movie hit a certain level of profit, she (and the creative team) would then directly start receiving profits. which means that nothing about the movie or how it’s received or awards or anything matters - the only thing she is focused on is box office success 

florence signing on after o’s success with booksmart makes sense to me. it’s the niche of movies florence thrives in for her non-mainstream picks. i think she had no idea what was going to happen. 

and this shows in how she’s protecting and respecting harry - no on set posts, not a lot of chatter about it on her socials compared to other movies, etc 

harry was a move to get the mainstream success. obviously i think he’s wildly talented and completely qualified, but it’s known he’ll bring the big money 

i think o knew how much press a fake relationship in the cast brings in. and her wanting the spotlight on her always makes sense why she picked herself (and why she has a role in the movie too) 

i go back and forth about if it was supposed to last this long, and my thought usually steers to not. i think o got press hungry once she saw how much pickup it could get 

i have from the start thought that o and her team control the stunt, as opposed to h. there are certain textbook pattern things i think they suggest or say h will do, because he’s familiar with the pattern and it’s safer. it worked out that it covers for his long term lovey dovey songs, but i do not think that was originally the plan

there is usually a Lot of press around any of h’s fake relationships, but not to the level of “sources” that there are this time - which points me even more to thinking it’s o’s team

the fake harry was a plant from h’s team so he didn’t have to do shit, and any fan pics or sightings that you cant clearly see his face are the plant. 

o has no idea how grammar works why the fuck doesnt the title have a comma

this is all i can think of right now because my mind is REELING from that story 

[forever-rogue]

hi! if you’re accepting requests from prompt list #2, does angst to fluff count lol. 5 from angst, 49 from fluff lists! with reader thinking din loves someone else 🥺 i like mando x omera but.. reader who perhaps doesnt have the skills omera has and sees how din looks at her… THE ANGST 😌🤌

AN | Me, writing some Din? It’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I miss him 🥺

Warnings | None

Pairing | Din x Fem!Reader

Masterlist | Din, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small sigh, a wistful little thing, escaped your lips as you studied the gently lapping water of the lake. It was calm here, a peaceful, tranquil place that served as a welcome refuge after all that you'd been through in the last few years. Sometimes it seemed almost too good to be true. The distant sounds of laughter met your ears as children ran around and played, carefree as could be. Sometimes you wished you were that young again; innocent to life’s darker sides. Unfortunately that wasn’t a possibility, but for now you’d take the peace and stillness you could get.

Pulling off your boots and socks, you quickly tossed them to the side. The water was warm as you relaxed and leaned back, closing your eyes and soaking up the warmth of the summer sun. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar voice that your eyes slowly snapped back opened. Your heart constricted slightly as you spotted Din nearby speaking to Omera. He seemed so happy, in a much better mood than you’d seen in a long time. It was all her, and you remained invisible. Which, when it came to most things wasn’t too bad, but sometimes you wished he would see you.

“Is somebody jealous?” you hadn’t even heard the bounty hunter walk over; you supposed that’s one of the many reasons he was the best in the galaxy. Boba offered a small grimace before sitting down next to you. You shrugged him off staring back into the water. You were not about to get into anything with Boba; that man was insufferable and usually right.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you brushed him off, trying desperately not to look back at Din. Instead, you focused on the water and watched the tiny fish whiz through the water; a few of them brushed by your feet, sending a ticklish shiver up your spine, “I’m just...enjoying the calm afternoon sun and soaking up as much peace before we inevitably leave again.”

“That’s how this all works,” Boba sighed as you nodded in agreement, “you knew that from the day you became my apprentice.”

“I know,” you whispered, “but I hoped at one point I could...walk away and have a normal life. Like this.”

“Normal is all relative,” he had a point as you huffed lightly and stood up, brushing off your pants and reaching for your boots, “but if this is what you want, what you truly want, you know you’re welcome to leave whenever. I would not hold you back from the life you wanted.”

“I know, Boba,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “the problem is that I don’t really know what I want...I think I know but...it’s more than that.”

“Of course,” he agreed, casting a quick glance at the object of your affections before turning back to you, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Either way, it will work out, just as it always does,” you swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Boba, why are you doing this?”

“I just want to make sure you’re happy - that you know that you have choices in what you’re doing,” he said like it was no big deal, but to you it meant so much. This hardened, sometimes gruff man really did have a heart of gold underneath it all, “should you want to part ways, I would understand. Should you want to stay, I’d be more than happy to have you with me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, Fennec, or Djarin, but you know it will not always be easy. But sometimes you have to decide what’s most important.”

“Yes,” you answered softly, “thank you, Boba.”

He remained silent as you laced up your boots before padding away, back towards the village. You knew you had a lot to think about and if you wanted things to change at all, you’d have to figure out something. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you were almost positive that you’d spotted Din looking in your direction. But it was all a trick of the mind; it had to be. Why would he spare you more than a passing thought anyways?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late by the time he found you; much later than any reasonable person should have been outside, but you couldn’t sleep. There was too much on your mind to silence, and if you managed to, it was short-lived and another thought came to replace the previous one. Eventually you’d given up and wandered out of the small hut home that had been acting as your own home for the last couple of months. You knew the area was safe and wanted to enjoy the temperate night air before it turned to a crisp fall breeze, or worse - you’d be gone.

Small bugs chirped happily along with the soft songs of nightbirds as you walked around the sleeping village; you weren’t scared here, you felt safe and at home. But as you rounded a corner, a gloved hand reached out and grabbed your wrist. A small yelp of surprise left your lips as you pulled into a wall of cool metal - beskar.

“Shhh,” Din placed a finger to his lips as you relaxed when you realized it was him, “you’ll wake everyone up. It’s just me.”

“Dank Farrik!” you hissed at him, “how was I supposed to know that? You could have been a murderer!”

“Well….you should be in bed sleeping.”

“So should you!” your arms crossed over your chest as you stared him down, and eventually he huffed in defeat, realizing you were right. He couldn’t sleep either, plagued by the choices he knew that he had to make sooner rather than later. He hadn’t expected you to be out as well, “what are you doing anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, a flash of...something in his dark eyes, “I thought that some fresh air would clear my head.”

“Same here,” you admitted reluctantly, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. You wished you had enough bravery (or perhaps even stupidity) in your body to just say something to him then and there. At least it would be out of the way; but you weren’t feeling anything but nervous butterflies fluttering in your tummy, “I...umm...I guess I’ll get back. Try and sleep.”

“Hey-” he reached for your arm gently before you could get too far away. You turned around and raised an eyebrow as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, “d-did I do something wrong?”

“What? What are you talking about?” the question caught you off guard, but judging by the look on his face, you could sense that this was something he had been thinking for some time.

“You’ve been different lately...it almost feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Oh DIn, you’re being ridiculous,” and yet the accusation was very true.

“You’re fine around Boba, Fennec...everyone else. But every time I’m around it feels like you can’t wait to get away,” you should have known that he would have noticed sooner or later. The man was more observant than you’d cared to admit, “if I did something, please tell me.”

“You can’t be serious, Djarin. There’s nothing wrong…”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been doing anything. You’ve got too much free time and your mind is running wild.”

“Tell me it’s not true then.”

“Din-”

“Tell me.”

“The problem is that you’re in love with someone else,” the words were out of your mouth before you even contemplated them. You were mortified and in some ways you were relieved. At least it was all out in the open now and you were able to let the chips land where they may.

“Oh,” was his only response as his head tilted to the side and he looked at you in confusion, “what?”

“I...kriff,” you sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry - forget I said anything.”

“Who am I in love with?”

“What do you mean?” tears welled up in your eyes at his response; almost like a cruel joke, “you know, everyone knows! Omera; and why wouldn’t you be? She’s wonderful - kind, smart, beautiful … everything. Part of me wants to dislike her, but I can’t because she’s such a good person but it kills me a little bit to know that you love her and you’ll never even think twice about me. I know that’s super selfish but it’s the way I feel; and judging from how this is going I think I’m making the right decision by leaving. By myself.”

Din said nothing as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. You laughed bitterly at yourself before realizing that this might have been the best decision after all. You couldn’t stay after this.

It wasn’t long before Din came to his senses and ran after you, calling your name and catching up with a few easy strides. You came to a reluctant stop as you sniffled and waited for him to say something, despite the fact that you weren’t sure you wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“I-I-I’m not in love with Omera,” he insisted as it became your turn to look at him in bewilderment, “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to her about you,” he confessed, “about how to do...this sort of thing. But then you started avoiding me and I wondered if maybe I’d read the signs wrong and you didn’t like me at all. At least not in that way.”

“I don’t….what?” you heard his words but weren’t able to fully comprehend them. This had to be some sort of weird fever dream. Din sighed - his trademark sigh - before ripping off his gloves and gently putting his hands on the sides of your face. He was hesitant at first, to see if you would stop him. But you didn’t...instead you relished in his touch, the feel of his bare skin on yours sending electric shivers throughout your whole body.

After a few moments of quietly studying your features, he leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It wasn’t a proper kiss by any means, hardly more than a ghost of one, but it felt...strangely wonderful. You looked at him in disbelief as he pulled back; was this really the same man that you’d met all that time ago that wouldn’t even tell anyone his name or let them see his face?

“Oh.”

“Can we go inside?” he whispered softly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. He reached for your hand but before he could take it in his, you stopped him and pressed another sweet, barely there kiss to his lips. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks as you beamed at him, “now we can go.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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[vixenday]

but i am going to answer this and the answer is no!! jaypaw would sooner let a badger tear his head off than deal with being a warrior later than his brother. he finds ways to accommodate his blindness purely by existing, his entire life he was blind. he didnt learn to walk slower because he was blind, he just walked the only way he knew how- to put a paw in front of the other. it was to where leafpool and squirrelflight didnt even know he was blind at first!! jaypaw navigates territory well enough on his own, and has learned to hunt using his other senses. he uses his hearing to tell where the prey is specifically, vibrations in the ground also aid with this, and smell to locate where the prey is in the first place as well as what type of prey it is.

it can be a big dangerous when he pounces, as it's easy to fall onto a tree or into a bush. what i'm thinking he learns is to circle around his prey without it noticing, scout out the area from where the prey can't see him so he can be sure it's safe to pounce. he'll also likely hunt with another cat nearby, though he's insistent to trail off by himself and learn on his own as an apprentice. as an adult he mellows out and lets cats help him (mostly brightheart, squirrelflight, lionpaw or hollypaw), but for now he thinks it's purely because they think he's incapable of doing anything on his own. hes very good at catching prey that cant climb or find away: hes nimble and quick, and can chase after shrews and mice easily. he doesnt need help with catching those. rabbits are larger, but he could probably catch those as well.

as for fighting, it'll be a bit more difficult. he'll have to fight with another cat of his clan nearby, but he'll learn a lot of tricks to aid him while fighting alongside a clanmate. using hearing and vibrations in the ground, he'll be able to tell where the cat is. he'll learn to tell audio cues (ie a grunt when a cat pounces, the sound claws make when they unsheathe, that kind of thing) and what they mean. using his powers isnt necessary, but it sure as hell makes things easier for him to know what his opponent is to try next.

also, i'm going to give him something akin to a walking stick for when he's patrolling. while hunting it can make too much noise, but for patrols or when he needs to travel somewhere alone, he'll likely get some form of a walking stick to help. i have a little doodle of what it would look like and how it would work. it would be attached to him on a sort of 'belt' made of vines and leaves.

he knows the territory pretty well on his own, but he still uses it when he's on his own just to be safe, or when he's travelling to another clan or outside of the clans. he doesnt need any help when walking around camp, or for various parts of the forest that he frequents.

Does Jaypaw stay an apprentice for longer, to kind of find ways to accommodate his blindness?

Ask these OOC questions on my personal blog, @gasp-its-a-vixen! I answer any OOC Ask Jaypaw questions there :]]

[ooooo-mcyt]

For real though watching yhs has lead me to the conclusion that despite Grian seemingly has such an active fight instinct....most of the time he actually doesnt respond to situations with half the fight attributed to him.

When faced with a traumatic situation Grian will absolutely bare his teeth at the nearest threat. He's absolutely vitriolic towards Sam at all times without fail and has even initiated physical violence in their confrontations once or twice. He's often on edge, often quick to angry outbursts, just overall rather hostile when faced with a dangerous/frightening/harmful situation. Which definitely indicates his main response to these scenarios is to fight. Hard.

However the more I engaged with fanon the more I faltered. A lot of fanon does portray him as very hostile in the face of trouble. Which should make sense. Canonically Grian knows when to say no, when to argue, and even sometimes when to physically fight back. Any episode with Grian present will likely have examples of him pushing back against harmful situations. And yet something always feels very Off about that being the start and end of it in a lot of fanon. Which led me down an interesting line of thinking.

I honestly suspect that Grian's volatility and will to fight back isn't nearly as strong as one would believe from observing him on surface level. In fact, his on the surface hostility feels like it's borderline a facade altogether to be honest.

I mean look at examples throughout canon of Grian in distressing situations.

Yhs halloween episode. The one where Taurtis got stabbed. And the following situation where Grian is famously forced to dress up like Taurtis. Grian would later be very upset about Sam stabbing Taurtis, however his initial response was to nervously laugh and even give Sam appeasing praise. I mean, Grian says "you weren't supposed to stab him" pretty clearly, but he anxiously laughs before and afterwards and even tells Sam he's proud of him when prompted. Obviously Grian was very upset about the whole thing later on after taking Taurtis to the hospital however in the moment he's mostly silent and when he's not he's just nervously laughing throughout, even agreeing with whatever *Sam* says when he's outright prompted by name for an opinion, then when everyone else tries to play it off casually Grian actually goes along with it almost entirely, even agreeing to let Taurtis drive him home for some reason. Then, according to his own story, he had an opportunity to talk to police at the hospital and he didn't incriminate Sam. He knew they were supicious of *him* but he still didn't incriminate the actual killer. "I told them I found him like that" Grian alleged. Honestly it sounds like he didn't tell them much of *anything* before being released and making the walk back to meet Sam. The next morning Grian was significantly more vocally upset about Taurtis being stabbed and expressed being upset with Sam however he seemed significantly more anxious than he was angry throughout the interaction. Then Grian immediately pretty readily agreed to go with Sam and Yuki to school and willingly put on the Taurtis outfit before the other's even started with the threats in the name of making things 'less awkward'. He certainly objected, however he was once again a lot more anxious than angry, nervously laughing, coming up with really weak unimportant excuses, and agreeing within ten seconds of being asked. Pretty much the rest of his time dressed as Taurtis goes very similarly. He objects to most things he's told to do and brings up Sam stabbing Taurtis multiple times despite the other's not wanting him to but is primarily nervous rather than hostile and he never actuslly puts up enough resistence for it to stick. Even when the other's were stuffing plastic down his throat and he told them he thought it may kill him Grian still did it and told the other's he *liked* it when pushed. Eventually he got out of it by running on Rowan's command and no sooner than being told to get out of there. When Sam found him again Grian immediately even reverted back to doing as he was told and cowering away from him in obvious fear up until Okami and Rowan showed up and shoved Grian behind them. Then he *still went home that night* knowing Sam would be there. When they found Taurtis it was pretty clear that Grian was hoping Taurtis would help him once he got his memory back however when instructed to stop telling Taurtis who he was Grian for the most part did aside from subtle pushing about the familiarity of certain things and then later when Taurtis got his memory back and made it pretty clear he wasn't going to help Grian? Grian conceded. He spent a good few minutes arguing about everything he'd gone through- everything they both had- and insisting it wasn't okay but when Taurtis made it pretty clear he wasn't going to do anything and they collectively agreed Grian was the real problem? Grian kinda...stopped. When Taurtis made it clear he wasn't going to be helping, Grian just kinda fell back into their normal routine with the other's, and when Sam demanded an 'apology soda' from Grian for what he'd apparently done, Grian bought it for him saying "If that's what it takes for things to go back to normal".

Let's also look at Grian's involvement with the law during/shortly-after the Halloween situation. When Sam and Yuki dragged him to join the Yakuza he was upset and objected anxiously but caved as soon as he got pushback. When Sam wanted to steak from the Yakuza he once again got objections from Grian who nervously insisted that it was a terrible idea but once again Sam shoved aside Grian's complaints and once again Grian just kinda fell into place despite being upset. When the police also started threatening the trio's lives to work for them, Grian objected. He questioned if they were allowed to do that and was very openly not happy about any of it, however he very quickly submitted under pressure. Both times Grian was locked in solitary confinement he loudly protested his sanity and both times he voiced how disturbing it was on a really deep level being locked up like that but both times when he was let out he just went with the other two again and let them brush it all off- even knowing full well they let him out to be *death fodder*. He just went with them relatively quietly save for maybe a token remark or two. Honestly the large majority of this bs Grian was involved with was under physical threat and he almost always bent under it. Even down to his fight with Pie over Ellen. Pie showed up and started challenging their relationship. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki insisted they have a knife fight. Grian said *no*. Pie said yes. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki affirmed there would be a knife fight. Grian objects more. Everyone else present discusses how the knife fight will work. Grian gets stabbed. Grian suggests they just ask Ellen who they want to date *obviously*. Ellen chooses nobody and leaves. Grian was upset but then just kinda accepts it and goes on with what the whole group was doing before.

And just to round this out with one more example. The Starwars Cosplay Incident. Apparently Sam burst into Grian's room, undressed him, shoved him into Leia Cosplay complete with fake boobs, and locked him in the basement for three days. Grian sits there for three days until Taurtis rescues him.  Grian has a moment of being rightfully very angry and finally even tries to physically attack Sam, demanding to know if Taurtis is aware of what Sam did to him and insisting that they can't expect everything to be fine now. Except it kinda...was. Taurtis stopped Grian from attacking Sam, they both brushed it off as a joke and not a big deal, and then they went to school. And Grian just *went*. He walked with the other two, he wore the outfit Sam put him in, and he just kinda moved on. Grian would later object when the clones tried to pull him out of class, snapping that he just wants to learn and get an education like a normal person and demanding to know why he's not allowed to. But he goes! And when he's released he walks right back to Sam and Taurtis, makes some bitter remarks to them, and let's them shove it all aside as if it's unimportant. Later when it's Grian, Sam, and a member of school staff alone in the closet, some innapropriate remarks are made to Grian. He very quickly says he's reporting the remarks made by school staff but Sam tells him not to be rude and it doesn't seem Grian ever does. Later on when Geode makes a comment about Grian's outfit as well Sam and Taurtis start pondering *giving* Grian to them. Grian repeatedly said *no* but with a lot more despair than defiance and we don't even know if he'd have actually followed through with fighting back if they'd tried to actually give him away because they were interrupted before the situation got to that point. Grian once again just let the other's move on as if that didn't happen and continued following them around, though! And he wore that damn outfit he was very explicitly uncomfortable with. All day.

Which is kinda all to say that when it comes to fighting back Grian is a lot more bark than bite.

Grian throws out a lot of bitter remarks, makes his objections very apparent in most things, and even has more than one vitriolic rant to his abuser(s) throughout the series. But that layer of his responses to things is so fragile that it tends to fall away within minutes- if that, sometimes *seconds*.

Of course ive seen other people take note of this and argue that it means Grian actually *wants* to do these thingd he's objecting to but I think that's silly. If it were just things like group crime or violent acts then id possibly see it but Grian puts up the same kind of response to having plastic shoved down his throat and to being locked in the basement for days which there's no way in hell he was any kind of okay with. The more likely scenario here isn't that he secretly wanted to do any of these things and made his resistence weak so he could pretend he tried while still doing it.

The likely scenario here is that his fight response is much more for show than one would think. Because Grian's strongest most influential response to things really never seems to be to fight. Aggression is really hardly Grian's overall stance on handling a distressing situation.

Much more frequently you see the most influence coming from completely other instinctive responses.

Looking for outside help in adults, friends, and classmates like when Okami and Rowan protected him during his time dressed as Taurtis or when Grian tried desperately to get Taurtis to be on his side and help him after Sam seriously hurt him both when Taurtis first got his memory back after Halloween and when Taurtis found Grian in the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident, hell, even during his fight with Pie it can be argued that Grian calling for them to just ask Ellen was an appeal to outside help as he hoped Ellen would agree to end the fight and save him from the situation as a result.

Running away- or trying to at least- from the threat. Most notably seen back during the halloween incident when he quite literally ran out the back of the gym and hid from Sam+Yuki then hiding behind Okami and Rowan when they showed up in an attempt to flee from Sam which is how he got away from the other's at all during that situation. Grian's consistent need to exclaim every so often how much he wants to go back to Europe is a subtler example of this, though, of Grian's urge to get away.

Honestly though being quiet and moving as he's directed seems to be the most common winning response. You see little sparks of reaction from him but most of the time Grian is just quiet, nervously laughing, following Taurtis and Sam around in what they ask of him, and even outright appeasement strategies to maintain a calm environment. This is So common from Grian. This is what usually wins out. His quiet nervous laughter and agreeing with Sam when Taurtis is first stabbed. The fact that he didn't tell the police what Sam did when alone with them during questioning and then immediately walked to meet up with Sam and went to school with Sam+Yuki with literally no objections. The fact that he didn't say no like *at all* to putting on the Taurtis outfit in the name of not making things awkward and complied within seconds of first being asked. How he proceeded to do what he was asked all day and didn't make any move to get away until Rowan outright instructed him to run. The fact that he went back! The fact that he went along with it when they joined the Yakuza and when they stole from the Yakuza and when they joined up with the cops and when they *forced him into a knife fight*. How Grian eventually just lost his spark of defiance after Taurtis first got his memories back and made it clear he wasn't helping Grian, with Grian agreeing to buy Sam a fucking *apology soda* if it meant things would go back to normal after hearing everyone else agree that *he* was the problem in all he'd been put through. The way he just goes back to following Sam and Taurtis after they got him locked in solitary confinement on blatant lies because they *wanted* to. The way he walks around school with the other two while wearing cosplay that made him feel gross and uncomfortable that Sam had literally physically forced onto him and just went along with what he was told in the end.

Grian always puts up a fight but not a good one. He makes side comments, he makes objections, he even has more than one emotional rant about the hell he's put through, however this never wins out in the end and this presenting fight is very frequently just barely holding down much stronger freeze and fawn instincts that usually win out pretty damn quick.

Which!!! In a situation like Grian's it actually makes significantly more sense to have strong freeze and fawn responses than to have a strong fight response! I mean, think about it. A fight response is primarily useful in scenarios in which it's possible to take strong action to remove the threat. You're attacked by a dog so you throw stuff at it till it backs away. You're picked on by an upperclassman so you punch em' in the nose expecting fully that they'll leave you be after. Someone attacks you while you're walking home so you try and stab them with your key. Fighting is an incredibly good response for random/one time attacks. If you're ever kidnapped you wanna scream and punch and kick and make a scene so they can't take you to a secondary location. You fight. Fighting is optimal for unexpected stranger conflicts. That's not the situation Grian's in though. Grian suffers from serious long term physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He's in a country he doesn't have residency or family in, he doesn't have a readily available source of income, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, it seems that most of the time he doesnt have a clear way home, he's often dealing with long term friends of his and seemingly his biggest source of support prior to this situation, even back in Europe he doesn't have much support system to run to given his parents canonically left him, he's frequently under threat of physical danger, etc. This is not the kind of situation in which an intense primary fight response helps. This is the type of situation in which an intense primary fight response either gets you seriously hurt or wandering the streets with no way to provide for yourself. It would likely be similar if he presented an intense primary flight response to be honest. In long term abuse situations where there's no rational way of escaping safely or no rational place to escape to? Often the primary responses that promote survival are fawn and freeze. Appeasing the aggressor or sinking into the background. Those are your ways to stay alive when you can't expect to 'win' or escape. It absolutely makes more sense for Grian to have primary fawn and freeze responses than a primary fight response.

But then why does he present so much hostility? What's with all the bitter remarks and the attempts to voice objections and the occasional overt insults/screaming? How does a fawn/freeze response present as fight when first pressed at?? Well fun fact, I have experience with that kind of presentation because I *was* that kind of presentation. Oh boy did I try to push strong fight responses towards my abusive father with token resistences and petty remarks even though most of the time I crumpled under the slightest pressure and spent my time ignoring the problem or dissociating or trying very hard to avoid future conflicts. You put up a token front of fight even if that's never going to be your primary response for the sake of your own mental health, really. To assure the world- and *you*- knows that you don't *want* this situation. So you can say you tried. Out of some misguided hope that your attempted bravado won't be seen through and that maybe this time they'll just stop pushing instead of calling the bluff. Which. Makes sense with Grian as well. I mean looking at the times he really truly goes off before reverting back to a more appeasing stance, most notably his rants from when Taurtis first got his memory back as well as from when he got out of the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident. Most of those rants were taken up by Grian loudly and passionately reiterating what he'd been through, insisting he was the victim, and calling Sam an awful person before the defiance fades out and he becomes more willing to just go about their day. It's one attempted push hoping the other parties present will vie in his favour and a reassertion that he's not okay with this and that *he* is being hurt which gives way within minutes to a much duller attitude. That's just a painfully familiar format. Adding on Grian's token objections/passive aggressive remarks to many situations that distress him and how quickly those objections give way as dismissed by others. That kind of behaviour feels strongly like an attempt to preserve your own mental wellbeing as much as possible with the knowledge that you tried to some extent and with just generally hearing out loud that you are the victim even if from yourself. Grian's behaviour just really feels like a facade of defiance to cover up general helplessness which makes a Lot of sense for the scenario. Probably more than just plain defiance would.

[marmar-shii]

my biggest pet peeve rn is this fandom's general reaction to the thus spoke apocalypse short. like it's not actually a big deal since it's just a game but it DOES piss me off a fuck ton. long ass rant below cut

bc this fandom doesn't seem to have any understanding of nuance? and thinks that feeling bad for a character inherently means they can't be THAT bad? and like, no! that's not true babes! a character can be the worst thing pn the planet and still have aspects that make you feel bad for them! they don't cancel eachother out!

and also ppl are acting as if the short showed us a side of otto we had never seen before? but it literally didn't? like, idk ab y'all, but personally i've known for a long time that otto is completely dedicated to the task of reviving kallen and that he'd go to the ends of the earth for her. like i thought everyone knew this, bc it's not like he keeps it a secret. the video only showed us the execution, the completion of his 500 year long struggle. i dont get how it surprises ppl, like, OBVIOUSLY otto would kill himself to give kallen a future, that's always been the point! idk.

and also, ALSO, the way ppl are talking ab it feels so...stupid to me? idk how else to say it. like, "maybe our hate for otto was in vain all this time" WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN AB? like have you lost your minds? are you insane? otto is perfectly hateable and this short changes nothing ab that. this circles back to the other things. like, everything we hated otto for were things he did for the sake of reviving kallen. we've known this for a long time now! and these things are not and will never be justified! this should be common sense!! like, idk how to word this, but y'all are talking ab otto as if him being pitiful and in love made him like, less of a villain or some sort of better person? but also claiming that he's the best written villain? and idk how to tell y'all this but those two things cannot coexist. otto is a bad person. otto is selfish and manipulative. otto is an asshole. otto is so obsessed with his goal that he keeps going even if it hurst others. otto is so obsessed with kallen that he KNOWS he's hurting ppl and he KNOWS his actions are wrong but HE DOESNT CARE. that's the point of his character as a villain, that is the whole tragedy, that is who he is. stop trying to pretend that he's good! he's not! he was never meant to be! like him as a villain, like him as a tragic character, like him cause he's hot or like him to piss ppl off, but not bc he's some misunderstood hero, bc that's literally not him!!!

jesus christ