#does anyone here remember that lol. there was one time that myself and a mutual at the time were vague posting about each other and then we-

[iceslushii]

who would've guessed that ruining my sleep schedule would make things as bad as they were three years ago

[audristarzz]

I've been feeling anxious and stressed with this whole kosa thing im trying not to panic but sometimes it feels like no matter what we do they wont listen to us i just saw a tiktok saying that their not even reading up on this bill which pisses me off more. And we are telling them time and time again to not pass kosa. I remember so many content creators were talking about the dangers of the kosa bill i remember it being talked everywhere and now it's just silence which confuses me why is no concerned about this bill did everyone just forget or just doesn't care anymore. This is just reminding me of the whole tiktok ban thing again but so many people online were talking about that but not kosa at all like this bill is going to affect everyone and then everyone will start panicking if it does pass when they could've spoken out about the bill. I'm sorry for the kinda long rant im just stressed anxious idk what to do i have been calling emailing whatever im just so tired i've been spreading info in my twiiter/x account and none of my mutuals seems to care i know people are focusing about what's going on in palestine congo sudan etc so am i but you focus on multiple things at once this bill can censor people talking about these countries too so it makes me really confused why there's barley anyone concerned about the censorship and online safety thing and the whole government id like literally no one of my mutuals care their just only liking posts about me retweeting stuff about palestine sudan and congo like what about the kosa bill it can censor us talking about israels war crimes hello people you should be concerned and make some noise about kosa. I'll try to distract myself i guess but it's hard not to worry i hope it doesn't immediately go to the house once it fully passes the senate since from my understanding only a committee passed it so it might pass the senate tomorrow or some shit idk. Im glad there's slightly more opposition in the house it gives me hope also do you think even if it does pass that it can be stopped with congressman and the government being sued i heard something about lawsuits in a few posts on here and twitter/x but again sorry for the long rant you can ignore if you want it is a long rant sorry lol.

hello!! don’t apologize for ranting I can understand why it’s very stressful and scary especially since it feels like you have nobody to talk to about this, it is infact a scary time for us right now with everyone going on but I’m very proud of you for spreading awareness about KOSA, I myself am trying to stay positive since there could be things that stop the bill (opposition, the possibility of it getting sued and the fact it’s harmful for lgbtq youth and unconstitutional as fuck) but I’ll admit it the anxiety and stress of it does get to me but I’m not going to give up and neither should you. I learned about KOSA a year ago and the reason why it’s just NOW getting to the senate is because we voiced our opposition, Evan Greer is a reliable source where I get my information and she does a lot to try to keep KOSA from passing. A reminder that KOSA tried to pass before in previous years but didn’t because there was so much opposition of it. Maxwell Frost, a representative opposes KOSA amongst others which is good, Once again, there is more opposition and skepticism about KOSA in the House than Senate. I know it’s scary and worrisome but please, don’t panic and if it gets to the point where it’s to much for your health take a step back from looking at updates for a minute. KOSA won’t go straight into effect after it’s voted to the Senate, and IF it passes it will take 18 months to go into effect depending on which state you’re in. But it’s not to that point yet, It has to get to the House which if we keep voicing our concern and opposition will not pass and then get signed to the president, which given everything that’s been going on in the presidential race, may be a bit tricky or take longer to get too. Senate goes into a break in August so I’ve heard so that gives us time to keep calling/ emailing and faxing. If you have any trusted adult I would recommend voicing your concerns to them, i myself am in a very much homophobic republican family (democratic state tho) and i felt hopeless for awhile since I had nobody to voice my concerns to but then I talked to my older cousin and it made me feel a lot better since she voted for Biden. Im not an expert when it comes to politics and this, I get my research from other amazing blogs on Tumblr, articles and Evan Greer since I don’t have any other social media platforms. But I hope I was able to bring some reassurance to you, if not I apologize but please do not give up because the silence is what’s going to get KOSA to pass, keep voicing your opposition, calling / faxing and emailing. It’s going to be okay and please do not panic, whatever happens tomorrow will be a step forward or back but regardless we can fight it and not let KOSA pass. You’re doing great Anon. 💗

[otomiyaa]

Profile Tag Game 💕

Hello - Lol hi I'm Ginny and this is a fun something I was about to do on my previous blog, and I remembered it! So I decided to still do it here. It's a random self introduction based on genshin impact character profiles! Maybe even a better fit for me to do it on this new account.

Chat: Tickling - I may have said this before, but I am a very bad tickler. In fact, I can barely remember tickling anyone properly so far in my life. I've done some quick pokes and scribbles, but I just can't go much further than that. Everything I wrote in my fics and hcs is just pure creativity and imagination. Not experience.

When It Rains - I get all cozy when I'm indoors and it's raining, like right now! But when I have to go out, it can make me frown and whine a lot.

When It Snows - I hope I don't fall down... I've got quite a number of experiences already, of slipping and falling in the snow.

Good Night - It's almost 1 AM. I should probably go to sleep. Ah, I'm too wide awake at night these days. And too tired during mornings hahaha.

About Me: Language - I speak Dutch, English, and Japanese and in all languages I sometimes struggle with formality levels at work. Especially when Japanese people call me by my first name without 'san', I am like..!!!! It's always a challenge to find the perfect balance of not being too impolite, and not being too formal and distant. I get the feeling I worry more about language and formality aspects than others.

Something to Share: Subscriptions - I've actually got way too many subscriptions running - Cinema, Spotify, Netflix, HBO Max, Amazon Prime, Disney+, Nintendo Switch Online, and Just Dance+. I kinda pay too much for things I don't always need, but I do need them a little and can't get myself to cancel any, even when they shamelessly increase their prices. Does it make me a money disaster? Hm.

My Hobbies: Journaling - My friends and I all have bullet journals and working on those while chatting and listening to some music is one of the most calming and satisfying things in life for me.

My Troubles - Needing a new laptop so I can play games like The Sims and Honkai Star Rail, but my current laptop isn't so old yet. Also, the Taylor Swift store doesn't ship to the Netherlands, I cry.

Favorite Food - Sushi, bibimbab, spaghetti with meatballs.

Least Favorite Food - Cheese.

About @ticklygiggles - On June 16, 2016, Mia sent me a message on Tumblr, starting a conversation. I messaged her back, and from that moment on we just... talked daily, grew closer and closer, watched anime together, wrote fics together, called and sent voice messages, and last month for the first time we FINALLY were able to play genshin together (Mia made a new acc because we weren't on the same server, huhu dedication girl). We did the Heart Island thing in Mia's world.

About @ragewerthers - We talked about it recently but our friendship started so smoothly and sudden. I was reminded it was because of Ragewerthers getting randomly shadowbanned on Tumblr, as well as our mutual interest in the soccer anime Days, Final Fantasy XV and Minecraft.

Tagging some fellow genshin fans @ticklygiggles @wertzunge @lovelynim @shy-lee-chu @eliankrios @xsezzie @kusuguricafe @fuckparty and ofc anyone else who would like to do it:) Feel free to add more / use other lines or do literal voice-overs! I'll stick to just text hehe.

[galacticxangel]

Wait I saw your comment on the meeting your mutuals/stranger danger post. You said you married your mutual? That's so cute. Have you shared that anywhere and if not would you share it here?

I’m pretty sure I’ve shared it passively, but I never shared the full thing just on its own, so I’ll do that here!

So back in Ye Olde Days (13 years ago), Ask Blogs were a big thing on Tumblr, and also, so was Minecraft! And wouldn’t you know it, I was running a little Minecraft ask blog. And then I came across another, which had amazing art and characters and I adored what I was seeing, so I followed, they followed back, I sent little asks, and we communicated that way! The blog I found was run by two people, @cosmic-anchor (Silvia), and her friend Lazzy (boyo where’s your blog). He’s still a mutual bestie today, as are a few other folks we met via ask blog shenanigans, like @knightlymoon and @ragnarode .

ANYWAY. We get to playing on a server together (we actually use a Minecraft version release date as our meeting anniversary, because it was right around the prerelease of Beta 1.8: September 9, 2011. How do we remember? Well, that’s when they released Endermen! And anyone familiar with Minecraft aakblogs knows just how popular those are today. But back then? HOLY crap. Everyone and their grandma has a Sexy Broody Enderman or a Sexy Broody Enderman Hybrid. It was. A lot), take to each other like a church on fire, and become besties! We have a little house together.

Long time passes, and we’re on pretty much daily communication, still playing games, etc. I went through basic training and she was one of the folks I sent letters to while I was there. We played D&D together (This was an entire fiasco where we lost one bestie due to an abusive relationship. She’s back now tho! Love you Lynn <3). Even in the military, when I got DEEPLY depressed, she was there for me and helped me out (I credit her for being alive today. I’m not sure I’d be here if she hadn’t talked me down and convinced me to see a mental health specialist). I get out of the military, get my own little apartment, and go ‘wait a minute. I can do what I want. I have a best friend I’ve known for like six years now. Let’s invite her down!’ And so we start planning our first

‘Down’ is an understatement. See, I live in Texas. She lives in Kentucky, literally a thousand miles away. And while I’ve got all my documents and paperwork and driving skills and travel under my belt, she… doesn’t. As the older sibling of a special needs person, and not from a very high income household, she didn’t have this stuff. So it’s up to me, and I’m too fired up about taking my bestie to a renaissance faire (yah we. Really nerdy lol) to consider anything but!

We get her costume ready. Her plane tickets. Her ids and everything, sorted. It comes to like. Two weeks before the flight. And I get a call at work. It’s Via. Now, this is weird. Over the years, we’ve kinda fallen into a system. Common communication falls into just a message (Skype at the time iirc, Discord didn’t exist just yet). Something kinda urgent gets you an alert ping (like @ing someone). Dire is a call. And my phone’s ringing.

Not good.

So I hurriedly excuse myself from the office to take it, and she’s in tears. Her dad’s gotten cold feet, and won’t take her to the airport like he promised because ‘what if I’m an internet predator’. I mean. I get it. I have a Southern Style family, too (This will come up later). But damn it, she’s an adult. We’re BOTH adults. Also, I just bought a round trip plane ticket! Also, at this point I know more about her than he does. He still thinks she’s straight. But he won’t take her because we’ve never met face-to-face.

It’s Wednesday. I look at my office door. I have my best friend, current queerplat partner on the line, sobbing apologies.

“Hey. Tell him to pick a place to eat. Dinner on Friday. My treat, okay?”

“What?”

“Tell him to pick a place for dinner on Friday. I’ll see you then.”

Thus begins the trek that cements me as ‘most unhinged friend when others need something’ in our friend group to the day. I go into my office, spinning a sob story about how some nondescript family member just passed and funeral and blah blah I need to go but I’ll be back on Monday.

Green light acquired.

I go home, and immediately go to sleep. I wake up around midnight, pack my bags into my little Kia, and off I go. 1000 miles. Now, remember when I said my family would come up later? Here’s later: I didn’t tell them. There was NO WAY they were going to just sit idle while I drove a thousand miles, ALONE, to meet someone I’d never met in person. I’d never driven quite that far, either. Not to say no one knew, I would plot two hours on my gps, send the path to Lazzy and Via, and check in when I hit the next stop. If I didn’t check in, they were told to call my parents if I was over an hour late. Which, obviously, I never was, because I’m typing this and not like, dead or anything.

I roll up to her local Cracker Barrel at 8pm on Friday, after easily one of the best experiences of my life (was out between cities on a clear, late summer night, got to see the Milky Way for the first time, got ‘adopted’ by a bunch of truckers at a truck stop I paused for a nap at). My hair’s a bit frizzy and I’m wearing a shirt that says ‘Watch Closely: I’m About To Do Something Stupid’. But her dad gets the firmest, friendliest Texan handshake I can give, and a bright smile.

Apparently, he never expected me to show. According to Via, I humbled him that day. I don’t pay for dinner, despite offering. I even stay the night.

She’s on a plane for Texas two weeks later.

(Bonus: it’s at the point I send a picture of the big ol ‘Welcome To Kentucky’ state line sign to my parents. This. Was not a good idea lol. But I had my big Texas meat swangin my ego and I was damn proud to be functionally unhinged. My dad scolds me and then gets me a hotel room in Little Rock, DEMANDING I stop half way on the way back. My mom calls me, yells at me, and then hangs up on me. Calls back an hour later to apologize because she wasn’t mad I went, she was mad that I was right when I told her ‘you’d have tried to stop me’. Ultimately fine, in the end).

There’s at least one other travel adventure (much easier this time! We were supposed to go to PAX South but were too lazy that morning so we ate pizza and played video games.

I move out of my apartment and start renting a house. I have extra room. And I think about my friend, who’s only left her tristate area twice now, both because of me. And I think ‘that’s my best friend! I wonder if she wants to move down here!’

Another 2k miles on my poor little Kia (who’s STILL KICKING BTW), and she now lives in Texas. This was about five years ago. We live in my little granny house that’s older than both occupants combined. You heard that right, though. Oh my god, We Were Roommates.

It’s about this time that apparently Via starts Getting The Feelings but BLESS HER she’s being SO GOOD because at this point I’m defining as Aro/Ace. Turns out it was just some anxiety/aversion because my previous relationship was turbo unhealthy! But I really like this chick, and I’m like ‘you know what, I’m scared I’ll mess up our friendship, but I’ll try these things. We already go on ‘dates’ and I buy you flowers occasionally just because I was thinking of you and we already snuggle every night because it helps us go to sleep’ yeah I was. Hm. Dense.

Anyway it takes off HARD and within the year, we’re married on the coast where I took her to see the ocean for the very first time, on September 9, 2023.

Our first anniversary is soon. 💕

[evwritesgames]

Yaknow as a longtime itch.io lurker one thing that makes me sad is that there’s a lot of different takes on the same theme that don’t actually try to do anything new. Usually fantasy stuff. There are so so many fantasy packs that are nearly identical…

The art is fine and a lot of effort already, but it makes the assets not… stand out. Which is understandable! The point is to make something generic anyone can use! But it’s also a shame artistically because there’s little that’s unique to them, so they fade into the background easily… Plus if I need something specific I might have five packs to look through that just don’t do what I want, because they have the same take on the same theme, so I have 7 different Generic Unidentifiable Trees and Village House With Hay Roof but say no wooden cart an ox could pull. (I genuinely don’t remember seeing that as an asset before…)

Say, let’s continue on fantasy packs. I can name like one or two of them that I remember specifically because there was a variety of themes to them— going way beyond man with sword in European forest with some village and river tiles. That’s what makes me actually want to buy them! If there’s a variety in the type of characters and body types, or the kind of places you can lead your characters into (and I can repurpose this stuff even when it SOUNDS super specific! Don’t think I can’t! I grabbed underwater atlantis ruins and made it into an aquarium zoo with themed flooring… one time I made a greenhouse out of several recolored tilesets and the only thing I had to draw was glass tiles!)

I’m not here to complain. See if I want to do something unique, I CAN draw it myself… the thing is, my art is passable, but I don’t like drawing as much as coding so it’s not a great incentive. I’d rather grab something an actual artist made! Genuinely! That’s mutual benefit! So I’m not here to complain I’m just… kinda sad tbh!

When I go look at what’s new a lot of it doesn’t do anything to stand out! It’s just more trees and villages and oh this one has a slime enemy. Well. Like 2 out of 5 I saw in the past month. And they’re all blue. Rimuru come back here

Part of it is of course because I’ve been there a while, but you’d be surprised how some stuff is actually hard to find. A 16x16 4 directions dragon, for instance? I’ve only found one. Why’s no one drawing that when there’s so many 16x16 fantasy packs? (I think it’s because they’re hard to draw, which… fair. but there’s a niche there!)

One time years ago I went looking for a giant beehive environment for a part of a game I was making, and I could not for the life of me find anything, paid or not, so I drew it myself and put it out there. Recently, I noticed someone else did it too (much better than my own lol, more detail, cleaner art, they did a great job)

But like. There’s plenty of other themes that probably never see the light of day. Say, a flesh environment like you’re inside a monster, I’ve only seen a couple float by too, and at least one of them was precisely in a fantasy pack that went out its way to cover a dozen of themes. Most folks stop at the base fantasy stuff as a starting kit. There might be some here and there but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pack intended to be set in a real city, so you can’t really make a historical game without custom assets— wouldn’t there be a lot of games you could make if you could make it look like you’re strolling in Paris in particular? There’s plenty of photo references for this stuff, but people will mostly draw something generic instead (understandably! being too specific risks not selling!). There’s a lot of gaps when everyone does the same stuff over and over, especially if it’s in almost the same way they’ve seen before.

Coz that’s what happens when you try and be generic. You match the generally accepted feel. Look at the current state of anime, you could put half a dozen isekais in the same world and the characters wouldn’t notice anything changed. The tropes barely ever vary from how they’re established. Elves are thin, pale pretty blondes with light eyes and long ears (have you ever seen a fat elf in mainstream media??). Magic is cast with mana and if you go too hard you cough blood (no one remembers tuberculosis is the origin of this trope). Young nobles all go to a magical academy (this is such a funny parody of what europe was like that it’s completely detached from reality at this point).

I find this fascinating. Not bad. Really interesting in its own way. People end up concentrating on details to be creative about and it has its own value. But it does not help anyone be super creative in the broader settings. Even the sceneries are the same, and it ends up reflecting on what you find on itch— because stories that have already been made are what artists draw inspiration from, right? It’s a cycle.

(It’s a cycle in more ways than one, the other day I saw someone compile a bunch of webtoons that re-use the same 3d model of a castle to trace in their story, because they all used the same resources to draw…!)

So, I think going out your way to do something specific makes you stand out lately, if only because there’s so much generic stuff floating around. Specific themes in a huge pack ARE often the appeal. A city isn’t just streets and doors and windows. What about bus stops and railways? Shops with their big letters out front? Parks? And every one in the real world has its own quirks too. If you draw a specific train, it’ll feel homely to someone, and like a faded vacation for someone else. A train you draw as you think about what trains look like from movies and films, or referenced as a midway point between four others, will not evoke a particularly strong feeling, it’s just the idea of a train.

Oh wow this is getting away from me. Apologies. You don’t have to post all that. Let me get back on track.

Lately on itch I noticed one artist who’s been doing a fantasy pack BUT having a fun time doing less realistic colors, and see, that makes them stand out! I actually remember them! But that’s an exception. Most don’t do that. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and winter packs (when they exist) are all white snow over forests with frozen lakes.

From my personal experience the stand out criteria for asset packs are often sheer variety/volume (not super healthy for artists but I think that’s the biggest appeal, which encourages generic takes on stuff… since you want big numbers. Still huge respect for those who actually go through with it, it’s a ton of work, especially if they do take the time to explore themes!) or personal taste (can’t actually control your audience, but say, I’ll pick up characters if I think their faces look particularly cute over more crunched up ones).

TLDR I really respect all the artists on itch but I’m sad “generic” seems to be believed to be the way to go to sell something. I’m not even sure it’s actually true. It feels like christmas whenever I find something I’ve never seen before on itch! (ouch my wallet. yes i have an asset hoarding problem.)

All that to say: I really like your art! It stood out to me from how expressive and diverse it feels! I’ll be looking at your future works~ Sorry about the ramble hahaha I spent like… an hour more on this than I intended o-O No need to post it if you don’t wanna…

Hey, don't worry about the length. I write long ass rambles, rants, and essays all the time. On letterbox'd you can see me write 10k words for movies 5 people saw. I appreciate a person who can speak at length about things and isn't afraid to follow sidebars and tangents and can and does circle back to the point effectively. Underrated skills.

This was really fascinating to read and could EASILY be reshaped into a convincing "state of the union" style essay about where things are at for this aspect of Itch. Itch does not receive much coverage the way other big internet things do, not that I know of. I have to admit though that I'm not in "the community" of itch very much. I have a weird disconnect where it's hard for me to see how and where to "join" stuff and I often find myself on the margins wondering why I can't get closer. I kinda hope the weird meta-discourse on things like Youtube never really happens to itch but if it did, I suspect reflective essays like yours here would be the higher quality material.

Anyways. It's nice to know that you appreciate what I try to do with my assets. You're bang on that "generic" seems to sell better but also comes with major caveats. I noticed there were almost no unofficial cyberpunk/scifi/future assets for RPG Maker and similar all the way back in 2001 when I first started playing with RM2K. It hasn't got much better since then and I suppose part of that may be a lack of standout, big deal indie games (particularly RPG maker games) that use these aesthetics. There is ALWAYS time for fantasy, even the generic Western Europe shit that you always see. There is also an entire subgenre of "Stardew-like" assets and games. I myself am making a take on the lifesim genre, The Hedge Wizard, but the art style is probably closer to Earthbound, Roots of Pacha, etc than to Stardew. You can see some of the material from that on my tumblr if you're keen.

My personal fantasy theme, The Nine Realms, on itch, is Norse inspired and does feature diverse characters for the exact reasons you highlight. I think the fantasy genre and JRPGs have a long history of racism, some of it very mild and some of it not at all. The kind of person who looks at my Nine Realms stuff and goes "black vikings? wtf" is a person I don't want anywhere near me or my work. They're not only factually incorrect assuming Europe was some kind of white fortress, but they're missing the point. I'm glad you get it because it means someone does. You may be interested to know that Nine Realms basically does not sell. I periodically work on it still because I have a big plan for it (including a take on elves I think you'll like) but it's a passion project. I think it would sell better if I was more holistic in my approach to what assets to include (one piece of advice I got was that it should include "farmsim" stuff and I see why but haven't been especially moved to get into that). In the very cynical and depressed part of my brain, I assume racism and "anti-woke" sentiment is part of the reason it doesn't sell too. I deliberately drew a line in the sand, a thing I do often on principle, and I can handle the consequences. Like you, I am often fascinated by these things, especially how tropes work.

At the end of the day, artists are on itch for different reasons. There's a small community of pixel artists who specifically do itch stuff and there's a split between those who buy into the hustle mindset, the personal brand, all that shit, and people who do not. I do not. I know it means I'm "less successful" but the far end of the more hustle-oriented artists are people who analyze Youtube metrics and exploit children for money (people don't like to admit or consider that the internet's demographics have fundamentally changed) creep me the fuck out and I won't be part of that.

Would love a link to the fantasy artist you mention. Always looking for people to follow on itch. I also tend to like unorthodox color choices. I played a game a while back that was basically a top down Soulslike made out of scribbles. Can't remember the title and google is of no help as usual. Haha. Anyway, that one was cool.

Last thing I'll say for now is that I do have something new coming, a new theme, that is all in b&w or grayscale. I've teased it a bit but let me know if you want the full pitch and I can lay it out. It's the thing called Retro Dead City. Might be a big enough hint right there. Haha.

Thank you for showing so much interest in me and my work. I really appreciate it and enjoy conversations like this.

[xavigav]

Making My Own Tumblr Year In Review

So tumblr is not doing the individual years in review for 2023 like they did the last couple of years :(

This is the first year I’ve really been active on Tumblr and used it as my primary social media, so I was really sad to hear that. But then I decided…why not do it myself?

I posted 1837 times in 2023. That’s 5 times per day.

1748 (95%) of my posts were reblogs, and 89 (5%) of my posts were original.

Blogs I think I reblogged the most? Not in order.

@yipeewahoo

@hoodie-sys

@94erz

@namchyoon

@heybaetae

These are just based on me cmd-f'ing my blog using the names of blogs I remember reblogging a lot. It's probably wrong.

My top 15 most used tags (not 5 because i love tagging and want to show more):

#bts - 1045 posts (yeah obviously)

#bts pics - 803 posts (yeah obviously x2)

#queue attack my heart - 691 posts

#memery - 312 posts

#namjoon - 308 posts (i am so mentally ill)

#hoseok - 167 posts

#jungkook - 166 posts

#seokjin - 138 posts

#jimin - 138 posts (i wrote down seokjin's tag first so i put it higher)

#yoongi - 119 posts

#fic & writing - 108 posts

#taehyung - 103 posts

#bts birthdays - 99 posts

#serious posts - 92 posts

#namjoonposting - 59 posts (my favorite tag)

By the way this was so fucking annoying to do. The archive does not show how many posts you have in a certain tag. For every month I counted the amount of rows in a tag, multiplied it by 8, and added in any rows that didn't quite get up to 8. Then I added all those months together. I had to do that for every tag. Tumblr why is there no easy way to see the number of posts in a tag.

My top 5 posts of 2023:

5. Luffy Tab - 20 notes

Still can't believe we just. got a luffy tab. i just woke up and had a luffy tab

4. BTS Post Search - 27 notes

As it turned out. the poster changed their name to something else so that's why i couldn't find the post from tumblr user soupmoths -- they were an entirely different person. oopsie

Also I ended up being able to reblog it! Someone tagged me!

3. 3D Rant - 32 notes

This post got me my first hate reblog <3

In case anyone is wondering. I still agree with everything I said here.

2. Porn - 99 notes

Not doing the big link preview for this one since that on its own is kinda nsfw. Minors don’t click that link.

But yeah. That makes sense.

Even though there’s only 5 reblogs people find it semi-frequently (especially the past few days, no idea why), so I guess it’s spreading somehow? Which makes me happy :)

The Reddit Post - 2.1k notes

Obviously that was going to be it lol, over 20 times the amount of notes than anything else. My notifications were Dying.

Also, this stuff wasn’t in the actual Year in Review(s), but I’m adding them in for fun.

I liked 21k posts in 2023.

I followed 426 blogs in 2023 (not including the accounts I unfollowed).

I gained 69 followers in 2023 (excluding porn bots and regular bots). Nice.

I started 4 blogs on this account, 1 main blog and 3 side blogs.

I gained 15 mutuals in 2023 <3

All this data was as of December 18th, 2023.

[dvilsdesire]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Owl or Sam, I go by both.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: He/him.

MUSE NAME: Haarlep

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Discord if we've had a few interactions, I don't mind IM's but we all know what tumblr is like when it comes to IM's here. IM's is great for when I'm not at home tho, since I literally only use discord while I'm on my PC.

EXPERIENCE: I'm old, I've got a lot of experience, been doing it for well over a decade, from MSN times through to email and forums back in the day, or devART notes.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: I like making relationships and seeing those muses grow from said relationships (or not lol). I want connections, though. I don't want to feel like it's a chore to write with someone. I want to have fun. I like a good mix between dark, nitty gritty and absolutely fluffy and cute, soooo.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS:

Please for the love of god read my rules. I don't expect anyone (including myself) to remember everyone's rules, we all write with a multitude of people, but when it's blatantly obvious that you've not even glanced over my rules, it's not going to make me want to interact with you. (:

Blog policing. Seriously, if you don't like something, then don't indulge in it? It's that fucking simple. Let people write villains, let people write problematic characters that are morally grey or whatever else. Just because you don't like them doesn't mean you have the right to abuse those that do. Writing evil characters doesn't make you a bad person. Have you ever actually picked up a book and read it? This just boggles my mind... Why do you think you can do this? And sadly enough, this has legitimately pushed fantastic people and Rpers away from the hobby they once loved.

One liners. I have a really difficult time... NOT writing paras. And that's a me thing. If you write one liners and that suits you, then by all means, please continue! But it does mean we're simply not compatible. Unless it's little dash commentary shenanigans, I can't stand one liners.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Both. I think memes are a REALLY good way to break the ice, especially when if you're anything like me, a person who comes home from work and is thoroughly exhausted that my brain can't possible think of anything super heavy when it comes to plot. But in saying that, I do love getting to plot with my mutuals and chatting and building character development through this. So both are good. :)

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: 99% of the time long. Like I stated previously, it's HARD for me to write short responses, and I like having something I can work off. Also... the inner monologue gets away from me at times :'D I only like short if it's silly dash commentary or maybe just a simple ask meme or something that isn't intended to be plotted out into a thread.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: A day off X'D Honestly, I'm MUCH more energetic and a better writer when it's early morning. Once it hits noon, I'm like a potato sack.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: Haarlep? Lol, no. Not at all. He's charming and evil and swanky and sexy (and quite literally a sex addict). I'm literally a metal head nerd that likes my own solitude and just listens to music and does art and plays games. I'm also very asexual. I'm socially awkward af (: Haarlep is ALL charm. The only thing I could say is MAYBE... maybe my Libra charm, but... I'm so tired these days that that hardly shines through lol. I am just a sleepy hoot.

Tagged by: Stole it. Tagging: Yooouuuu

[wittywallflower]

(I haven't finished any of your stories yet, sorry. 😓But...) For the fic writer ask game, how about 1, 60, and 70, please?

no worries! i never really expect anyone to read my fic. my best friend in the world for almost 20 years now has never read a single one of my fics lol. Fic can be so highly selective. First there's gotta be overlap in a fandom that i write that you want to read fic for. Then that fic has to have a pairing or tags that appeal to you. And a summary that you are interested in reading. And then you gotta open it up and see if my writing style even sounds good to you. a lot of factors gotta come together here, is what I'm saying. maybe those stars aren't aligned yet, oh well. lol

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

one-shot scenes come easier to me, but i always feel like i need a lot of set-up to get to that scene, so they turn into multi-chaptered fics despite me. I cant just post 3.7k with an author's note like "okay in this scene X has happened so Y&Z are in a confrontation but avoiding talking about ABC because Y did 123".

this is mainly me making things difficult for myself. i suck at finishing multichapter fics so i really should settle for posting shit as one-shots instead of sitting on them for two years because i tell myself i need transition scenes to lead in and out or whatever

60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

I am gonna be flat out honest with you: I dont pay attention to who authors fics i read. unless it is coming to me from the author who is a mutual on tumblr "here read this fic i wrote about our fave blorbo" my mind simply does not retain the author's name. Honestly it rarely retains the story title either. I will be halfway through the first chapter and only remember the summary and the wordcount and that's about it. "was this the rated G or was this the PWP? *scrolls back up* sometimes i forget what the main ship even is until I'm like "wait why aren't these two flirting with each other like usual? Oh shit this isn't for THAT otp"

so when i get lovely comments, i don't even know if its from another writer unless i think to go check their profile.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

one of two situations is happening when i talk to people about writing:

-its online, so they know of fanfic. they probably read fanfic themselves. i feel no embarrassment mentioning I write it

or

-its IRL and the people i interact with IRL are very Not-Online. they dont know what fanfic is. I rarely care enough to bother explaining and will just list the genres i tend to write fanfic in when they ask what i write.

I'm not embarrassed by it because i really don't give a shit about the opinion of someone who didn't know what fanfic was until i explained it. And since i don't care about their opinion on it, i don't tend to waste the time explaining it to begin with. lol

[alazystranger]

I was tagged by @stygianheart for this 15 questions and 15 mutual thing and I can’t remember last time I did this lol. But this actually looks fun so let’s gooo(realized we have quite a few similarities while doing this btw)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I think it’s been a month? I’m levelling up on the bottling-up-your-emotions thing lmao.

3. Do you have kids?

Nada nope and never want them either. It’s like one of those things you just know isn’t for you. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yep yep an awful lot. 

5. What sports do you play/have played?

I *used* to play badminton but it’s been a while now.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This sure made me think lol. But I do notice their hair. Idk why. And I try to get a read on their expression first. 

7. What’s your eye color?

Brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both really! While scary movies are usually good at distracting me(and sometimes they are even funny) the occasional happy ending movie does help me feel light for a while.

9. Any special talents?

Don’t know if these will really count but uh I can speak more 3 languages decently well. Fast reader, knower of a lot of weird random facts. Fairly fast at calculations. And a bit of a writer. Also, usually able to guess the ending/upcoming plot twist in whatever I’m watching.

10. Where were you born?

I’m gonna keep this one a mystery. hehe. 

11. What are your hobbies?

READING I love reading. Binge-watching, writing. Researching about random bizarre stuff and taking random quizzes. Listening to music(I used to play the guitar damn I miss that). Rarely, I try sketching. 

12. Do you have any pets?

None sadly :(

13. How tall are you?

Short enough for people to joke about(about the same as you really).

14. Favorite subject in school?

English too. I used to be that kid in class who held the highest score for it. I liked math too though. Had fun even.

15. Dream Job?

Nobody believes this but the very first thing I remember wanting to become was a hacker. I don’t even remember how that came to be.  Then I started enjoying writing and ig I can call myself a small writer? But yeah, I always wanted to be do something where I get to travel a lot.

As for 15 mutuals...I haven’t gotten that acquainted with much people here so not tagging anyone for now! A post done just for @stygianheart . I did enjoy doing it though!

[kurazaru]

I tried drawing 5 frm the umbrella academy:) I've switched to sketching with ball point pen so I can identify my mistakes more easily. Lately I haven't been doing art, which idk why. Probably has to do with my crippling fear of failure. Oh well, whatever. Posting my sketches here is my way of trying to get over this fear. I'm gonna start posting everyday from now on, I promise.

Nowww some life stuff. Basically, I came across an old photo of a summer camp and remembered my friend whom I was bffs with for like a week. Then after some stalking on Facebook I managed to find his name, and obv no one my age uses Facebook, so I searched him up on insta, found his id, and omg hes so hot now, but his acc was private, I sent him a request and he didn't accept it, which was expected. He doens't even know who I am and we have no mutual friends. I was devastated when i first got rejected, but then now that I think abt it, it's what anyone would hv done. And honestly, we were frnds for a very short time that too some 7-8 years ago. He probably doesn't remember who I am, and what we did in the summer camp. And even if he does, why would be want me in his life? Coz it's been years, and we probably have vastly different personalities compared to when we first met. There's no guarantee that we will click again. + He has some 1000 followers so I'm assuming he's popular as fuck in his school lol, and he's hot so that's that. Well, I removed my friend request, and I've gone off insta. Staying off insta is actually so helpful. I'm gonna stay off forever now, coming back only on birthdays and when I wanna post art. Though i really miss how funny insta reels are. They are top tier dude. But once again they led me to having spent 6+hrs on reels EVERYDAY which isn't healthy at all. I'm gonnaame a pact with myself today, the next 3 years, till i graduate from my college, i will not fall for anyone, and relationships are out of question(which already were considering my gay ass and i live in the ever so judgemental India)

Okkk see ya !

[purplesurveys]

1645

Grease

What clique were you in in high school? Eh...cliques aren’t really a ~thing here. People had their own friend groups but that was all there is to it; the cliquish it ever got was the fact that there were kids who were popular because they were rich and went to parties, and kids who were popular because they were part of a high school band.

Would you liked to have lived in the 50s? I enjoy my freedom and rights now, so...no. It’d be cool to experience some facets of the 50s, I guess? like being present for Audrey Hepburn’s heyday and wearing pretty printed dresses, but otherwise I wouldn’t want to stay in it.

Did you go to prom? How was it? Yeah, because attendance was required. It sucked, just like I thought it would.

Moulin Rouge!

What is your favorite cover of a song? Paramore’s cover of Passionfruit will always be up there.

Have you ever been to France? Nopes.

Have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? I haven’t.

West Side Story

Are you Puerto Rican? No. Who is your favorite character from Romeo and Juliet? I barely remember the story and the characters anymore but I think I took a liking to Mercutio if my memory serves me right? Maybe I found his lines funnier than the others’? I have like 97% no clue/memory whatsoever lol. Shakespeare wasn’t a topic I particularly enjoyed and I managed to get through my classes by quietly using the No Fear versions and hoping I wouldn’t get caught.

Have you ever been to New York? I haven’t.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

What’s your hair color? Black, but right now it’s dyed a faded brown.

Do you own any diamonds? Nope.

Have you ever been on a cruise? To where? Yeah, it was an East Asia cruise that started in China and went through Japan and South Korea.

Chicago

What is your favorite kind of liquor? My mid-20s self is content with just a nice, fruity cocktail. For the most part you can’t really pull me to take a shot anymore.

Have you ever been to jail or prison? For what? I’ve visited one for a journalism exercise/homework, but I’ve never been sent to one myself.

Have you ever been to Chicago? No but I would loVE to.

My Fair Lady

Is grammar important to you? Depends on the context. I wouldn’t be policing in my personal time but I do take grammar a lot more seriously for work since we write like 70% of the time.

Have you ever received or given a make-over? Other than for grad shoots where I got considerably made up, no.

Are you English? Nope.

Mary Poppins

Have you ever been a nanny or hired one? We’ve had househelp before, yeah. What do you do to make cleaning more enjoyable? I like turning on music or a video to play in the background.

Do you know anyone who works at a bank? Yeah, a few batchmates from high school and mutual friends from college.

RENT

Do you know anyone who is HIV+? I don’t.

Are you behind on your rent? I don’t pay any.

What is your sexual orientation? Asexual.

Hairspray

What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don’t use hairspray.

Have you had any best friends or SOs who are a different race than you? Nope.

Have you ever been on TV? As far as I know, no.

The Sound of Music

What are a few of your favorite things? BTS, chicken sandwiches, and dogs.

Are you Catholic? On paper yes, but I abandoned the faith a very long time ago.

Are you German? Nope.

Jesus Christ Superstar

Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? In the past.

Have you ever been to a desert? I haven’t.

If you could ask Jesus for anything, what would it be? Nothing.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Are you engaged? I am not.

Who did you lose your virginity to? An ex.

Do you know any trans* people? Yes.

Little Shop of Horrors

What is your favorite kind of plant? Not a very big fan of plants tbh.

Do you like your dentist? Sure!

Have you ever donated blood? No, I’ve always been underweight to be permitted to do so.

Across the Universe

What is your favorite Beatles song? I don’t have one.

Who do you know that’s gone off to war? ;__; Does Jin count

Have you ever been in a protest? Yes, a handful ones in college.

Mamma Mia!

What is your favorite ABBA song? I don’t have any. LOL I am so not the target audience for this survey hahaha oops.

Have you ever been to Greece? No.

Do you know your biological father? Yes.

Les Miserables

Are you French? No.

Do you know anyone who has committed suicide? Yes.

What is the poorest you have ever been? Pandemic.

[papirouge]

The good samaritan complex, projection, and how to *not*throw stones while living in a house made of glass - a study

You mean, the same fragility as pro choicers calling pregnancy "torture" and saying that stating the biological & logical reality that restraining from sex resolves from unwanted pregnant is "victim blaming"?

"Because they'll [pro choicers] sit there and reblog the most horrendous things- about how pro lifers are like rapists, describing the most grueling case of pedophilia/rape, characterizing pro lifers as pro rape, "forced birhters", as nazis, as callous, heartless mysognists. They'll spread misinformation and lies, while ignoring anything that would contradict them or add nuance to their views. Shrug off the suffering of anyone who's the usual scapegoat of of abortion culture -such as disabled, poor people, or child from rape- without even a hint of empathy."

Wow, crazy how well it works the other way around. So what's your point OP? why don't you have the same energy to call out this inquisitive behavior only to pro lifers when the same behavior can be found among your kin.

And sorry to burst your bubble, but abortion DOES murder a baby, so by definition, abortion are "baby murderers" ; I don't get why some you are so bothered by this statement. As harsh as it, it's technically true.

Note here how OP acknowledges that pro lifers are attacked over beliefs, and is complaining about the hypocrisy of freaking out at having a tease of their own medecine, but NOWHERE does she adresses the issue of.....attacking people over beliefs? I mean, that's seemingly what she was complaining about in the previous paragraph. Maybe don't give pro lifers any ground for them to "victimize" themselves by attacking themselves in the first place, I- ?? Why complaining about something you admit partially being responsible of?

Oh and peep the euphemism of "not so civil"; Girl, there's been literally death & rape threats and bullying. Some people out there are mentally ill/suicidal so we should thread lightly with this kYs🤪 crappy trolling. You being wishy washy to call it for what is it prove how dishonest you are lol

It's not a "feeling". Either pro lifers are attacked, or they're not.

Note the subtly attempt at using "feeling" as if none of the attacks prolifers were complai- excuse me, victimizing themselves over weren't really true and were rather up of their "feeling". Typical EMOTIONALISM ("feelings") tactics that is familiar with abortionists.

Yeah I know you OP (I hid your username as I always do to not cause any bullying). I remember you latching onto one of my pro life post to put out the stale already seen 1000 times before pro choicer word salad talking points, and then a bunch of abortionist minions leeches went with the flow to diss and clown me - while acting they were threatened by a random post from the internet.

Funny enough how you suddenly didn't care about the "most horrendous things" being thrown at me right in the notifications of your reblogs. And no, I don't victimize myself because it pretty unphased me (I am blocking happy), but I can't with your hypocrisy of professing this kumbaya gospel while you actually don't do shit when these "horrendous things" are happening right at your door.

Oh and I also remember how you couldn't help yourself to say how "nice" you were and pull out that branding of the "nice and understanding" pro choicer. Your image seems very important to you huh? But you're not fooling anyone. Because being "nice" (which isn't really true, because advocating for murder of unborn isnt "nice" IMO) isn't mutually excluse to be offensive.

Your condescendance & disdain is dripping from your whole post. "have been trained to not try to learn" Ah yes, because prolifers HAVE to be uneducated idiots who *need* the Truth of pro choicer Gospel.... *Fun fact: I was initially pro choice, but that's when I started seeking into what abortion was and the reality of the abortion industry that I became pro life :)* Do I need to be reeducated?

Calling us "ignorant" "insulated to their echo chambers" actually makes you no different from the same people you're criticizing a few paragraph before....yet feel somehow different from. Not using big words and slurs still make you as mean spirited and antagonist, so don't pretend being morally superior at this game. You're not a bigger person for remaining civil with pro lifers ; plentiful of pro lifers are super chill too. It doesn't protect them for being hurled slurs and harassment. No one is going to give you a cookie for not being deranged on main like some abortionists are. That's called being NORMAL.

Here again talking about "feelings" or "instincts". Note how OP is obsessively trying to alienize any logic or reasoning behind the pro life stance. How anymore condescending someone could be?

Pro lifers do not always rely on "feelings" to make their point. Science states that life starts at conception. BY DEFINITION A fetus isn't a parasite, but HUMAN. Pregnancy death are lowering 0% in most developped countries, yet almost all pro choicers obsessively argue that pregnancy is deadly and dangerous to defend abortion, which goes againt actual OBJECTIVE REALITY. THIS is literally documented. Won't you learn? Won't you listen?

As annoying and stupid some prolifers can be (yeah cause unlike OP I have no issue to acknowledge there are pos on BOTH sides of the spectrum) you can't deny this cold hard reality, that's why you will weep and weep about how hard & dangerous pregnancy is and make posts to bitch about pro lifers, when the crux of the whole discourse is unborn HUMANS being murdered for convenience - whether you accept it or not. The shitty behavior of prolifers will NOT erase that; don't get it twisted.

Your "annoyance" <<<< the life of the unborn.

[guiltycorp]

~Arcane!Viktor’s vaguely-queer-moments~ with commentary about how it might just be straight after all to keep myself in check.  Alright, so I might miss something, feel free to add (although this is more for myself tbh, sort of a journal entry). Personally, I didn’t notice like half of this when I was watching for the first time and didn’t really think much about the possibility, however the second time I was quite surprised to notice that there was... eh, quite a bit.  Also, this isn’t meant to cover anything from LoL lore, but it’s nice to remember that as a character he was originally a soviet-coded robotic mad scientist. Idk it’s not a very gay archetype by itself but it IS rather sensual.  Anyway!  1) Saying 'it’s Viktor’ and then continuing to soulfully gaze into Jayce’s eyes for another couple of seconds as his theme swells (’It’s Viktor’, fittingly). 

might just be fanservice for league players who remember old champs, gasp, oh it IS viktor, the machine herald, plus letting the theme’s violin notes hit just right, plus this is the finishing scene before the story gets back to vi... kinda awkward tho??   2) ‘Wait a minute, this isn’t my bedroom’ as the excuse he came up with when Mel came across him and Jayce breaking into Heimerdinger’s lab, clear implication (although Jayce talks at the same time so it might be harder to hear for some viewers).  ...might be a generic excuse for trying to open the wrong door and also too subtle, flew right over most ppl’s heads, however this is probably the most overt viktor line in the show 3) Right after that he throws a sour look at Jayce who’s busy mooning over Mel. 

uhh concern that his new partner would be more interested in a gorgeous corrupt politician rather than in scientific progress? doubtful:) however also subtle, didn’t notice this on 1st watch 4) Doesn’t return Sky’s interest, in fact the first time we see them together he kept on looking at Jayce (who was about to give a speech yeah but also had his back turned to Viktor atm). 

well, this could be for a variety of non-queer reasons... more like an additional detail and in later scenes when he’s busy with hexcore he’s practically ignoring jayce almost the same way he does her, so im not putting it here  5) Viktor bleeding onto Hexcore and passing out while Mel&Jayce have sex (with Viktor’s theme worked into Romance track), in this case i actually prefer a metaphor for the rich and powerful of the world finding both cooperation and pleasure together while the less privileged inevitably suffer and have to turn to less ethical means to survive, but well... The fact that Jayce is having sex with his political partner while his scientific partner is dying is still a bit? Suggestive? These readings aren’t mutually exclusive.  6) “Singed: If you take this path, they will despise you. Love and legacy are the sacrifices we make for progress. It’s why I parted ways with Heimerdinger. Viktor: Jayce will understand.”  idk this seems like a logical answer after the mention of singed’s previous lab partner but still, love.. more a weird choice of words on singed’s part tbh, could be just a generic type of love in a ~friendly colleagues~ way lol 7) no visible nipples under a really high support brace 

might be just stylistic design choices ig, low pectoral muscles.. due to muscle atrophy maybe?   So, like, all of this can be viewed in a different light, I guess? And most overt hints are in Act I.  This is naturally a familiar path for anyone who has experience with fandom and reading into things, impossible to say for sure whether it’s all in our heads or not... Earlier I’d say that it doesn’t even matter! We do have one rly cool queer couple in the show and also perhaps this ambiguity suits that particular storyline, AND more importantly Viktor’s sexuality or gender wouldn’t really add that much to the themes of the show, in my opinion. It’s just really nice for fanart and fic ideas, various additional materials and rediscovering the homoeroticism of cold war metaphors in League lore.  But after that whole thing on Amanda Overton’s twitter (one of the writers for Arcane) with first an implication that any queer-seeming moments are just the results of ‘no stigma against affection between men, friends or family’ followed by a bewildering ‘I’ve faced what felt like identity erasure myself many times. I’ve not given a real-world label to any one of our characters because I sincerely believe it will be more satisfying to learn this as their story unfolds.’ Which um. Reads as ‘wait and see’, essentially, also backed up by a different artist (Evan, although he isn’t working on s2) on the show seemingly for this particular issue (’I super do need people to stop asking us about things that aren't explicitly shown in s1. I get that people want assurances, but it'd be such a massive disservice to spoil any of the moments being cooked up’).  And after that I’ve began to feel a familiar frustration...  Like, this isn’t that big of a question in the story? Like I said, Viktor’s sexuality or gender isn’t super relevant to his character since he already has lots of other narrative-defining traits (risk-taking scientist focused on improvement of life quality & leaving a legacy, comes from zaun, disabled, close to dying), plus if Amanda is to be believed there’s no stigma towards sexuality or gender expression in Runeterra so it wouldn’t be seen as an alienating trait, just a sort of sad one if he had an unexplored (and potentially unrequited) crush on Jayce. Which again, isn’t really needed to drive home the idea that their relationship is slowly falling apart because of a divide in ideologies and personal circumstances. Or rather, it just wouldn’t be a good twist for s2, but it would have been a potentially cool detail to add or imply in s1.  My point is that if the queercoding was intentional why not say so? And if it’s not what’s the big deal in saying ‘nope! it wasn’t intentional! however we can see how it could be viewed that way, best of wishes to the fandom, you’ll get your riot mlm and or trans rep someday, xxx’.  Or, yknow, ignoring the question. Instead homophobic and/or sexist fans took the first part of the answer as an opportunity to gloat that the idea of a queer Viktor is entirely delusional while us losers received familiar bait of ‘maybe it’ll happen in s2!! be on the lookout for bi Jayce trying to seduce robo-Viktor (Even-Bigger-Dick-Now) who fell out of love with Jayce because of hexcore or an undercity flood or whatever’. Argh idk, I’d easily expect such an answer from a riot marketing team! But it’s really kinda sad to see the same sort of vague placation of both sides from a queer writer who pushed forward Vi/Caitlyn whose relationship truly kept me on the edge of my seat the whole show. sigh

[softrozene]

Too Long

Anonymous requested: Hello, I'm a silent reader of you and I really like your works❤️💗! Can you please write about Doffy wherein he finally found his lost love and actually pregnant when she left him? I know that it looks like impossible considering how evil he is but I just really wanna know how it will goes. Thank you! and Take care. Don't over work yourself! ❤️💗 and sorry if my English is broken.

Your English is perfect <3 and I am so sorry for the long wait, here you go Lovely! I had fun with this since I love Doflamingo despite his evil ways XD

Doflamingo x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, slight angst- Doflamingo is probably out of character because I write him with emotions and not as evil lol (if you need another reference just basically imagine him as Klaus from the Originals lafdkafds)

Words: ~1400

First things first- There are three ways I imagine this going

1.       (the most likely way) Doflamingo goes a tad crazy, gives no cares, and simply takes the child after deeming his lost love long unworthy of going with them for not telling him she was pregnant unless he can find some use of her or she proves herself rather quickly

2.       He keeps tabs on Reader and the child constantly but that is it. Takes no action unless necessary

3.       Actually puts effort into coming back into their lives by forcing them to come back to Dressrosa where he can spoil them silly

This scenario is going to be a mix of 2 and 3 because I want fluff lol. Anyway, enjoy:

-

Doflamingo stares long and hard at the piece of paper before him. The pictures that accompany them make his blood boil with anger, but his heart yearns with interest as to what happened. What this is. Why it happened but more importantly… Why he did not know.

The woman in the picture is beautiful… Very beautiful and very pregnant. A shock to him. She will always hold a special place in his heart. She taught him how to trust on a certain level and yes, even in the end she did leave him, the end of their relationship was left on a good note. Even so, he can’t lie about not looking for her.

After the mutual breakup, he looked far and wide for her, wanting the presence of a person he could trust right by him. He would try to persuade her to come back but… He never found her. Until now that is.

So… Why is just now finding out she left him… When she was pregnant? Why is just now finding out he is a dad?

The piece of paper is just the island name of where she is residing. Not too far from Dressrosa but not too close either. It saddens him for a moment. Did she not trust him? After everything they have been through together- All the learning of loving each other, the trusting, did she really not deem him worthy?

Him the King of Dressrosa?

He would like to think that he would be a perfect dad- Nothing like his silly foolish father who stepped down from the royal life he could have had. No, he would give the child everything they could have ever asked for. The mother of his child wouldn’t need to lift a single finger. He would spoil them, protect them, do anything for them…

So why?

It is a question he wants an answer to, and he will get an answer to. No matter what. That is what he promises himself as he looks at the next photo- One of his former lover no longer pregnant but… With the child- A darling little girl that has his blonde locks and her mother’s eyes.

The anger simmers down as he decides he will bring them both home. He will try to because of that little hope he has in his heart for growing a genuine family- Nothing like the one he helped destroyed, it means everything to him the longer he stares at the two faces.

The brief reminder of Corazon… Pains him but it will not be like that. Corazon simply did not have faith in him. These two… He will show them that he has their best interest at heart.

-

Finding them, was rather harder than expected. They were at the island that was disclosed to him by someone who recognized her but… (Name) really was too good at blending in with this island. It was rather busy. Cute for it being a bigger place.

So many families too, Doflamingo notes. The thought slightly irks him. Five long years without her and five long years of missing out on the child they created. He has every right to being mad. He has every right to go on a rampage.

Just as he wonders if he should demand someone to show him where she is- He hears a gasp behind him. One too full of shock that it grabs his attention immediately. However, what he did not expect was to feel tiny arms wrap around his legs- The way Baby 5 and Buffalo used to.

He glances down to see the girl from the pictures staring up at him with a wide smile. Her eyes are so gentle and for a moment… Remind him of only innocence as she stares up with genuine curiosity and happiness.

She even speaks to him- And in that moment he already knows that she has him wrapped around her finger- He would fight and kill anyone who would look at her remotely wrong. Is this what it is like to be a dad?

“Hello! I think you’re my dad!”

A laugh comes from behind him again and this time his heart feels like it is stopping because he knows that laugh so well. It haunts his dreams because he loves it so much- It used to be the sound that he tried to coax out of her every day. It is (Name).

He turns and indeed when he sees her… Doflamingo realizes just how long it has been. Too long in his eyes but… She looks as perfect as the day he first saw her. Those (hair color) locks and stunning (eye color). She has not physically changed in the slightest yet… She is still the most stunning person to him. Her eyes look down to their daughter before going back up to meet his.

“I need to put her down for a nap. She had a busy day at the school. I suppose you want to talk then?”

How is she so calm about this? The rage wants to come out- He wants to lash out but… He also just wants to hear her out. He wants to hear her side to everything. That and the way the little girl is holding onto his leg sleepily.

It just makes him melt. He says nothing as he follows the woman to her house. The place is too small for his stature but… Perfect for (Name) and their lovely daughter. It takes just a few moments for (Name) to put the girl to sleep and come back out to join him.

When it is about to grow quiet, he immediately asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

(Name) knows what he means. She has a sad smile on her face now as she asks back, “Were you ready to be a father? It is not as simple as you would have thought… It… How do I say this gently? You are selfish. Okay… That came out harsh but… You are. You look out for yourself and pull your family in with you.”

The pretty face that he is in love with does very little to comfort him after those words. That is until she continues.

“I was going to reach out when I found I was pregnant. I thought you would have liked to know but then I remembered why I left. I wanted to find myself and I did. Then… Then she was born, and I realized what being a parent is. You- Make all these choices hoping it is what is best for them and that is simply what I did. I thought you would not want to be in our lives, so I said nothing. I did not want you to have to choose between your dream of being the King of Pirates or her because we both know what you would choose,” (Name) says her tone sad now.

Doflamingo’s anger is valid but… So is (Name)’s in this regard because she is right. He does not say so because he knows he could have both. He will prove he can have both but for now…

“How does she know I am her dad?”

(Name) smiles at this. She pulls out a picture of Doflamingo and herself from her pocket. It is a good photo too. One of them hugging each other. He remembers it because the family kept photo bombing all the rest.

“I told her. Everything about you. I could not lie to her about who her father was. How much he did love me and would have loved her, but I also could not lie to her about how big your goals are. Of course, she is a child, so she does not understand. All she knows is that you want to be a bigger King. She has dreamt of meeting you for a while now.”

These words. He can salvage this. He can unite them. He knows he can. So, he will. He will have both the family and his dreams as he desires.

“Let’s give her a proper meeting then when she wakes up… And (Name), it is good to see you. I hope I can manage to convince you that Dressrosa would be a brilliant place for her.”

The way (Name) stares at him. Yeah, he can convince her.

[woozi]

Um this might be annoying but your descriptions on that mutuals as svt members was so wholesome! So I thought if you could name your mutuals and say what you like abt them? Your favorite thing about them kinda? Idk I thought it was cute but you don't have to do it if you don't want to ! 💚💚💚

i went through my following list and i think these are all of my carat mutuals/friends <3 i only included those who i'm mutuals with here on this blog, but with that in mind i hope i included the right people/and all of you! if not, i may have gotten confused with your main and sideblogs. :/ i divided this into 4 sections (because that's how i think of them in my head, lol). so, without further ado, here they are in the order of my following list (from the most recent):

caratblr

@leechaerok (mirelle) - mi!! i love how you are always striving to be positive and that this is something you share and extend to other people! you literally remind me of sunshine and i hope that only good things are coming ur way. ily!!

@ohoshi (cora) - cora my naughty (IN A PLAYFUL WAY) friend <3 cora's really fun to talk to and she keeps you on your toes. idk why i didn't follow her earlier (i didnt know i wasn't following her jsdjkdsjsdk). extremely talented!! also love the upbeat vibe.

@soonyoungs (cara) - same with cora, i've been seeing cara around but never got to interact with her until recently! i love how versatile cara is and how she always always always appreciates even the little things. 10/10 would let her visit my home again <3

@wrongnanab (aya) - i get mom/older sister friend vibes from aya and i think it suits her a lot. she’s also not afraid of reaching out and i love that sm about her!! i relate to her a lot and i love how she’s always there.

@junhaoshua (e) - something interesting always comes up every time i speak to e! i also love her initiative and how well she manages her time. she’s really passionate about the things she likes and i love how she can get people to be interested in them too!

@choibeomgyus (kale) - kale has excellent taste! i love her aes so much. <3 her work is particularly right up my alley and i just love how clean looking they are. kale’s also such a sweet friend, and she’s not shy about showing affection. i love her sm!!

@dokyom (izy) - izy’s one of the first carats i first followed when i got into caratblr and i’m so glad to have made that decision! her work always wows me and although we haven’t talked much, she’s one of the people i always look out for in here.

@seohoshi (nele) - nele, my mutual at heart. <3 the way we became mutuals is so funny and memorable to me, and i can’t say that about most people! i really like the way nele presents herself as well. she can have fun while still being collected, which i find really interesting. i think she’s someone who brings stability, but i can’t really explain why i get that from her. <3

@art-hao (carrie) - goddess on earth. so elegant. a literal virgo. i love how carrie doesn’t want to be too invested in one single thing. that being said, she’s multitalented, yet is skilled in each of the fields she’s venturing in. she also speaks what’s on her mind, and i admire that a lot. what can’t this woman do :/  

@svtreasure (kate) - kate is one of the first people i got to talk to here on caratblr! and although she’s not on here that much, i always look forward to seeing her. i feel like i have to protect her like a younger sibling <3

@uriboogyu (lee) - lee definitely has feisty younger sibling vibes which i think is so cute! like carrie and e, she’s not afraid of saying what’s on her mind. lee is also such a go-getter! the future is very bright for this one <3

@smallkore (kore) - i remember first talking to kore after she tagged all 3 of my active blogs in one post, and i thought it was kind of funny <3 kore is super talented and entertaining! i also think she’s super interesting, and i love her strange picture collection. <3

@rq-s (katrina) - katrina is also one of the first few people who i interacted with here on caratblr! she is so supportive and always has a nice word for everyone. even though she isn’t here much, i always like seeing her around <3

@boosbin (isa) - iconic. legend. will kick your ass. my beloved <3 isa is SUPER talented and she never fails to amaze me. she’s also very relatable and is super fun to talk to! idk i’m just really fond of isa lol

@dk-s (zay) - i love zay’s sense of style and her overall aesthetic! she also is really smart and gets really invested in her interests. i love her dedication and initiative!

@scoupsy (dreamy) - dreamy and i haven’t really talked much aside from interactions here and there, but she’s someone i really admire. i love how she doesn’t take anyone’s shit and knows what she wants. she’s really skilled in her areas of interest and takes pride in her excellent work. love that about her!! 

@julyprince (madison) - i was really shocked when madison followed me back because i love her work so much! i love how she is so consistent and dedicated (honestly, the constant 9 sets say it all <3). she’s intimidating at first, but she is actually so nice and likes reaching out!

@xuseokgyu (belle) - one of my treasured moots. belle is literally the seok to my soon. <3 she doesn’t know it, but i was kind of shy during my earlier days in caratblr, and she encouraged me to be myself just because she was always reaching out to me. i see belle as someone who really nurtures and is just a reliable older sister for me!

@haniehae (anna) - also one of my favorites <3 anna doesn’t really need too much words but u can always feel the love from her by her little tags here and there. she’s also super supportive and very appreciative of the little things! anna is such a cute person to have around. i lalso love how much work she puts into caratblr. also an amazing dancer oh my god???????

@jaemtens (kevin) - like dreamy, kevin and i haven’t really talked much, but i always love seeing him on the dash! one of the people i admire. it absolutely blows my mind how he has a phd (about to have one? :D) and that he’s still somehow able to make gifs (BEAUTIFULLY!) consistently. love that dedication, wish that were me!!

@tearsofsyrup (vi) - vi thinking of me and tagging me on cute stuff really just makes me feel so :’>. i love how easygoing vi is and i just feel light whenever we interact!!

@soonhoonsol (chey) - everyone’s bestie!! chey literally is the go-to person on caratblr. idk how she manages to do it but she’s always so nice to everyone and really does go out of her way to make everyone feel comfortable! chey has a special place in my heart, and my stay in caratblr wouldn’t be the same without her. <3

@iiasha (emily) - you all don’t understand how much i LOVE emily. i can’t even explain why i love her i just do. she’s also one of the first people i followed when i came on caratblr and i’m so glad to have met her here on our own personal hellsite. emily’s the perfect balance of smart, cool, and funny (this sentence sounds lame as fuck but idk how else to put it)! i appreciate how much she likes her job and that’s something i hope to also imitate! i’ve said it before but i also really love how generous she is. emily also made my stay here on caratblr very enjoyable and i always love reading her text posts <3 i think tumblr junation would nearly die without her so go thank her rn. (she also spotted me turning full dinonara without me even noticing that i am one so. <3 /mwah/)

@coupsnim (izzie) - izzie gives me calm artsy vibes.  her work is always stunning omg. queen of red lips (and i think it’s so fitting bc it suits cheol the best imo???). ALSO love how much she loves cheol!! izzie’s just a sweetheart. <3 would also support ur 0 note posts, lol.

@kyeomshine (lyns) - lyns coloring queen <3 i looove how clean and cohesive her work always is! she’s also one of the people who encouraged me to stay here on caratblr (although she doesn’t know it!!). and though we don’t see lyns as much nowadays, i still think of her as the resident dk fan <3 one of the memorable people for me.

@heartgyus (rhys) - my sister (dISGUSTANG!!). my enemy. THE mutual to have homoerotic subtext with. rhys is actually my closest friend on caratblr. she’s multitalented, almost all-knowing, and has prettie vibes. i’m not elaborating anymore from here on out because i just know she’s gonna be a little devil about it on the dms. 🙄

@hanwooz (kellie & christine) - one of my absolute favorite blogs! i think of them as one of the constants of caratblr. i absolutely love their posts sm and just enjoy when they’re around!! (and how do ur gifs always look good omg tell me ur secrets pls <3)

@7ww​ (yasmin) - one of my favorite (if not my favorite) gfx maker!! i love how you can immediately tell something is from her because of their trademark look. we haven’t talked yet, but she’s one of my favorite carats!

@mngys​ (sofi) - coolest person in the world. idk why we’re even mutuals i don’t deserve this <3 sofi always has the coolest ideas and i look up to her sm!! i’ve also seen her from the birdie community before i got into caratblr so i’ve been following her for quite some time now, but we became mutuals here!

aes carats

@vixenjun​ (kaya) - another one of my beloveds <3 i always say kaya is funnie and sexie but she really is, and those are always the first words i think of when i’m reminded of her. one of my absolute favorites. a bestie that's close to my heart. <3

@tiddie​ (deniz) - i don’t see deniz posting much about svt anymore, but deniz is one of my first carat moots (i followed aes carats first). this one really witnessed my jeonghan downfall. :/ so funny. is a great friend!!

@bwaldorf (ramasha) - A SWEETHEART!! ramasha and i don’t talk much anymore but when i think of her i only am reminded of good things. i rmb how much she supported my weird posts back then <3 also iconic aes hello???? 

@vernons (oona) - oona and i are literally just vibing here <3 i actually met her from the aes side of tumblr before i got into caratblr (like deniz) and discovered that she’s also a carat! i really like oona’s presence and i just feel like she’s someone i want to protect. <3 also makes amazing pastries. she’s also so pretty!!!!! (i really like ur hair sm i think i’ve said this before lol) a cute friend. would send u things saying ‘this reminded me of u’, and i’d get heart attacks from it jsdjdjksd

@oldbooks (fawn) - my frog friend. i think it’s so cute that fawn shares this agenda with hao <3 also unexpectedly tags you on things and leaves cute little notes/tags that makes me want to :’). sophisticated taste!! also really friendly. ily!!

@scoups (hani) - hani is so friendly and takes really good care of her friends!! i was intimidated of her at first, but learnt that she’s an absolute sweetheart. i love how she’s also giving us sm svt content when she’s around! hani’s a supportive friend that you’ll always find yourself looking for. 

@snwo (joy) - refined taste. funny text post advocate. i love joy’s vibe sm!! i first got to know her when she had a hao url and i was super intimidated of her. now she’s one of my absolute besties! aside from her impeccable taste, she’s also such a great friend. this one always has ur back. ily ms joy <3

@sataemism (sof) - sof literally the funniest person in the world!! i’m always happy to see her and she brings me so much joy. very lowkey chaotic vibe (the taemin and hoshi urls speak a lot abt this lol), and just a very fun person overall!!

birdie carats

@flowerbeom (kat) - kat, like the rest of those in this category, is someone i’ve been following for a while now as i came back to tumblr because of got7. kat and i haven’t really talked much but always interact with rb/s and likes and i love that JSDJSDKJDSJ that being said kat’s tags are always so enjoyable to read. + it’s so funny as well that when we actually got to talking we didn’t realize we had a lot in common! a very generous friend. gave me a yugyeom pc even though i’m literally from another continent. 😭

@tuanzie (joanna) - content queen. i looove how joanna’s work has a trademark look to them! they’re always so gorgeous and smooth-looking. i love how joanna’s able to speak her mind and would not take shit from people. i see her as someone brave, but not too out there! also someone you can rely on to put reposters on hit lists mwah<3

@gotseventeens (belle) - my name twin <3 belle is actually one of the people/reasons why i got into svt and i’m eternally grateful to her for that!! we’ve been talking since i first became a birdie but somehow we both have 0 recollections of our conversations JSDJDKSJKSDJ tumblr wouldn’t be as fun for me if belle weren’t around ngl. i love how she seems to be mature yet you’re also up for a wild ride with her!! she’s my own personal wonu <3

@secndlife (karoline) - i’ve also been following karoline since i was a birdie, but we only became mutuals here! i love her writing so much and i enjoy seeing her lose her mind over hoshi (mood <3)

@defgyus (val) - i often associate belle with val and i think they have a lot of similarities!! val also gives me the mature yet fun vibe. i think val’s so successful and i admire her a lot!! i love her work sm and just love how she interacts with people. very warm and homey!!

more carat moots i haven't really talked to but enjoy seeing on the dash

@emailclub (emily), @kyeomblr (maddie), @joshuahong (bea), @delicatecy (deli), @mintyseoks, @syuperseventeen (nat), @haol (mali), @svtclub (hannah), @cutiejoshi (siri), @chanswu (mandy), @jeonghannie (myrena), @squishy-woozi (kris), @wonwooo (hiba), @rameniji (rain), @cafevernon (ish), @hoshluv, @minghyu (nicole), @mingyiu (katya), @yeol (tat), @dearkyeom (kristy), @seokgyus (kai), @bbaksu (akemi), @1adyluck (sushi), @shineesbag (gen)

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*