#does and it's triggering me??? i have no idea i just feel so shitty and irritable and MEAN like i bit mt bf's head off earlier thru text bc

[gentlethorns]

sigh i feel fucking insane and idk why. like things are lining up and working out what's w the doom n gloom queen

[munsonfamilyband]

I’ve been on a Soulmates kick today and just saw a fic where Steve has two marks - one for Robin and one for Eddie. And it’s got me thinking.

Of course, he doesn’t know who his marks are for. He only knows that they’re two people because they look so different. Soulmarks show up where you and your soulmate will have the first skin-skin contact, and they have the words they will say when that happens written in their handwriting.

Steve has one covering his palm, the handwriting is small and sharp, all angles and no rounded edges. That one says “Steve, we need to run”. It seems scared, the wording, but he refuses to think about it. The other mark he has is covering his left hip, curling like someone was holding him from the side. This handwriting is completely different from the other one and is best described as chicken scratch. It’s big and messy, letters flowing into each other like the writer didn’t even pick up their pen between each stroke. That one says “I got you, just lean on me”. It seems less scared but there’s concern laced in the words that helps Steve feel less alone when he’s laying in bed late at night. That’s the only time he ever lets himself think about his soulmates, during the day he avoids it like the plague. His parents are soulmates and they barely speak, so soulmates can’t be all they’re cracked up to be. After Nancy never makes one of his marks tingle and burn he tries to give up on the idea entirely, figuring he can go on without a soulmate and be with Nancy - but then she breaks his heart and those late nights are all he has.

His first soulmark changes when he’s stuck underneath Starcourt mall the summer after he graduated. He had been working with a girl, Robin, who barely tolerated him on a good day and now she’s been sucked into his shitty world. When the alarms go off in the bunker he barely has a second to react before Robin is grabbing his hand and yelling at him, “Steve, we need to run!” His feet start moving and he yells back for her to be careful with his arm, even as he feels the tingling burn cover his palm and in that supply closet, leaning against the door next to Robin they make eye contact. In that short second of connection he knows that she felt it to, that he’s just found his soulmate and despite his fear he’s so happy that it’s her. Later, after they had both puked up their guts and he had confessed to having a crush on her, Robin told him about Mrs. Click’s class and Tammy Thompson and how she’s sorry that he’s stuck with a soulmate who can never love him back. Steve blinks and suddenly his two soulmarks make so much more sense.

“Robin, I have another soulmark. I don’t… I don’t think you were ever a romantic soulmate for me.” He watches the relief and, maybe even, joy cover her face and she launches herself at him in a hug, squeezing him tight and he returns the favor completely ignoring his own pain.

The other soulmate comes over 8 months after meeting Robin. He was so grateful for having her in his life but he still wanted that other piece, he loved Robin and she loved him but he wanted romantic love too. Unfortunately for Steve, just like with Robin, his other soulmark was triggered when he was fearing for his life. He had just been dragged through Watergate and made into a chew toy for a bunch of demobats. Steve was just trying to catch his breath when they all heard the bigger hoard approaching and he knew he had to run. He made it surprisingly far before the pain of each step started to settle in, his feet dragging more and more and his pace slowing when someone moved in beside him, wrapping one arm around his back to settle his hand on his hip. Eddie grabbed the arm closest to him and dragged it over his shoulders, giving Steve a grin. “I got you, you can lean on me.” This only made Steve completely trip; the sudden onset of tingling burning at his side so close to his currently bleeding wounds had his left leg collapsing under his weight.

“Why does this always happen when I’m in danger?” Eddie froze and then a laugh burst forward.

“That makes so much sense with context. C’mon let’s get you somewhere to sit and we can talk more when you’re not bleeding over me.”

When he and Eddie got to Skull Rock, he and Robin made eye contact and he watched her eyes flit down to where Eddie’s hand was on his side. Her eyes grew about three sizes and he just shot her the best grin he could. He didn’t care that he had been bleeding all over his soulmate for the past few minutes - he had gotten blood on Robin when they found out that they were soulmates, so it seemed fitting for him to be doing the same to Eddie.

Years down the road he would look back and laugh at the drama surrounding him finding both of his soulmates. Eddie even joked that the universe gave him two to make up for his shitty parents, and Steve wasn’t going to argue.

[il-miele-che-scrive]

Can't get over dj Lando in Bali for new years so can I request a smau where he's partying there with reader aka Max's sister? And she's like a dutch influencer so people are kinda like 🤨what they doin doe

My first fic of 2024 🫶 happy new year and enjoy, hoping you don't mind I made Y/n into an ex-junkie for the ✨drama✨, but I've had this idea on my mind for quite some time now, because it's like she's the opposite of her brother. Also I couldn't not make Y/n be friends with a few other drivers too, and also the caption on the last post is 🤌 I loved making this fanfic

y/n_verstappen A last minute decision to spend the end of the year in Bali

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maxverstappen1 Have fun with your girls, don't get in too much trouble

↳y/n_verstappen Yeah... just me and my girls... me & my girls & I

↳username2 guys I have a feeling she's plotting smth

↳username1 we love to see big brother max being the dad

↳username3 that's cuz Jos did a pretty shitty job

yourfriend1 missed this ❤️ grateful to be ending this year with you @/y/n_verstappen @/yourfriend2

↳y/n_verstappen you don't ever know how grateful I am to be in Bali with my favorite people!

↳yourfriend2 I love you guys 🥹😭

↳username2 SHE SAID PEOPLE I repeat she said PEOPLE instead of GIRLS

landonorris Wow I wonder who took these pics of you, they're very nice

↳y/n_verstappen I hired a professional photographer😼pretty expensive if you ask me, but also worth it

↳maxverstappen1 Please quit flirting with my sister

↳landonorris @/maxverstappen1 I'm flirting with the photographer lmao he's very talented if you didn't notice

charles_leclerc Looking forward to hanging out when you're back ☀

↳y/n_verstappen Charlie I went to Switzerland with you before Xmas 😭 it's been a week

↳charles_leclerc Arthur made me post this comment

↳y/n_verstappen tell him I miss him then 🫶 you? not so much 🖕

↳arthur_leclerc I kiss you too @/y/n_verstappen

↳arthur_leclerc *miss

↳y/n_verstappen phew 😮‍💨 you've almost triggered a particular someone

↳username2 this someone being your brother, right Y/n? RIGHT Y/N?!

↳yourfriend1 sure you can go vroom in circles but can you fight? 🤺

↳yourfriend2 that's not the person you should target this question at and we both know that 👀

↳username2 SOMEONE CRACK THIS CODE PLS 😭

↳username3 i mean, she's definitely hinting at Y/n dating a driver 🤷‍♀️ maybe someone from the current f1 grid even

↳username4 @/username2 @/username3 y'all be jumping into assumptions too quickly

username3 Guys I still can't believe Y/n was with the Leclercs in Switzerland and Alexandra wasn't

↳username4 Shut up, Y/n has been friends with the Leclerc brothers ever since Max and Charles' karting era

↳username3 wtf chill 💀 I'm joking (although I wouldn't complain if she ended up dating Charles or Arthur)

y/n_verstappen Adventures are better together

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landonorris The mask suits you, never take it off ❤️

↳username1 HELP why's he so mean to Max's sister💀

↳y/n_verstappen watch out in Bahrain 2024 🔫 sent a screenshot of your comment to the family groupchat

↳charles_leclerc you sent it to our groupchat with max and carlos

↳y/n_verstappen exactly

↳landonorris excuse me @/y/n_verstappen may I be added to the family groupchat?

↳y/n_verstappen excuse me @/landonorris, are you family?

↳landonorris that's my goal for 2024

username5 Look at Y/n having fun in Bali for her brother's money 😬

↳yourfriend1 more like the secret photographer's money 😇*this comment was deleted*

username3 MISS, DON'T ACT LIKE WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR COMMENT

↳username2 AND DON'T ACT LIKE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

charles_leclerc better than the adventures in Switzerland? 🤔

↳maxverstappen1 cringe

↳carlossainz55 cringe

↳georgerussell63 cringe

↳yourfriend1 cringe

↳yourfriend2 cringe

↳landonorris cringe

↳y/n_verstappen jealous Lando?

↳landonorris wtf 5 other people said cringe and I'm the jealous one?

↳y/n_verstappen well, technically 4 other people since Max is my brother

↳landonorris 4 other people and I'm the jealous one?

↳y/n_verstappen Max is my brother, I only tolerate Carlos, no one likes George and his shirtless pics, and my girls are basically pets

↳yourfriend1 arf!

carlossainz55 I thought you can't swim

↳y/n_verstappen I prefer not to swim, but the selfie was worth it

landonorris I've changed my mind about the mask, it's lovely, where can I get one? 🥰

↳y/n_verstappen wow that was quick, I wonder if @/maxverstappen1 has anything to do with it

↳y/n_verstappen anyway, I got it just down the road on my morning walk

↳landonorris how would I know where that is 🙄

↳y/n_verstappen want me to walk you there? 🙄

↳username2 DOES IT MEAN LANDO IS IN BALI TOO?!

↳username3 @/username2 GIRL THEY MIGHT BE ON VACATION TOGETHER

↳username2 i knew she was plotting something 😭

y/n_verstappen Darling, I fancy you

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username1 WHO IS THAT MAN 🔫 I JUST WANNA TALK

maxverstappen1 Y/n pick up the phone, you can't post and disappear

↳username2 rip to whoever is the mysterious man

↳username3 imagine your brother in law is max verstappen and he hates you before you even meet

↳landonorris ikr, terrible, i could never

↳username3 WTF LANDO

yourfriend1 my fav couple but when will you hard launch?

↳charles_leclerc asking the most important question right there

carlossainz55 I'm tired of knowing who he is and being forced to keep quiet

↳maxverstappen1 what? you found out before me?

↳carlossainz55 in Y/n's defence, the man couldn't keep it a secret

↳username2 alright chat now we know it's someone close to Carlos

↳username1 @/username2 CHARLES?

↳username2 @/username1 no, it can't be him, look a few comments above

↳username3 @/username1 @/username2 I'm being delulu but... Arthur? I'm just manifesting it's him

↳username2 and Charles wouldn't know?

↳username3 well, Max didn't 🤡

↳charles_leclerc don't be shy Carlito tell us

danielricciardo Ki ki ki ra

↳landonorris KI KI AY

↳y/n_verstappen I wanted to say it 😡 why are u so quick??

↳landonorris well, you're trying to compete with an f1 driver, better luck next time

username2 GUYS what if it's LANDO??? Close to Carlos ☑ can vroom circles ☑ possibly also in Bali rn ☑

↳username1 you might have a point plus the caption is Taylor Swift and Lando is a swiftie

↳username5 Is he? I thought it's a British thing to say you have a crush on someone

↳username2 @/username5 well, he's British, so another hint from Y/n I guess

username7 i surely hope her and Lando aren't dating, she's a retired drug addict

↳username1 leave the past in the past, let this girl be happy

arthur_leclerc y/n has a boyfriend y/n has a boyfriend

↳y/n_verstappen don't worry, someday you'll have one too

↳arthur_leclerc let's see if you'll keep this attitude introducing your new bf to Max 😄🖕

y/n_verstappen Als je bitch wil chillen is het geen probleem dan ga ik erheen, ik kom niet alleen want ik heb drank en drugs

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yourfriend1 amazing night!! 💜💜

↳y/n_verstappen we loved the music didn't we 😼

↳landonorris you're welcome 😌

username7 the caption 🥶

↳username2 chill out it's just a song literally!!

↳username3 i can't even remember all the times I've seen Max edited to this song on tiktok lmao

arthur_leclerc You clubbing without me?

↳y/n_verstappen it was a girls night 😇🖕

↳yourfriend2 no it wasn't 🫶

↳yourfriend1 tbh it was, her boyfriend spent more time DJing anyway

username1 why can't they make it official already 🥹

↳username2 I bet Carlos is wondering the same

landonorris I hope you tipped the DJ well for entertaining you half the night

↳y/n_verstappen I guess if you can call entertaining him for the 2nd half of the night in our hotel room a good tip

↳maxverstappen1 WHAT AM I READING

↳charles_leclerc asking myself the same question @/maxverstappen1

↳arthur_leclerc too much information

↳carlossainz55 Does it mean I don't have to keep the secret anymore?

maxverstappen1 Delete this post

↳y/n_verstappen no ❤️

josverstappen7 Gelukkig nieuwjaar maar ik vind deze fotos niet leuk*

↳y/n_verstappen wtf @/maxverstappen1

*happy new year but I don't like these photos

landonorris I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter, she is the best thing that's ever been mine

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y/n_verstappen *not so* careful, but you get a point for Taylor Swift lyrics

↳landonorris I'm literally in love with you

↳y/n_verstappen surely not more than I am in love with you ❤️

↳charles_leclerc cringe

↳arthur_leclerc cringe

↳oscarpiastri cringe

↳logansargeant cringe

↳yourfriend1 shut up all of you

y/n_verstappen btw just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I can't kill you for posting the third pic

↳landonorris pls you'd never

↳y/n_verstappen I still have the screenshot that could make Max crash into you 🔫

carlossainz55 Finally, I was starting to worry

↳username2 WAR IS OVER 😭

oscarpiastri So happy for you guys!

↳landonorris double date when?

maxverstappen1 You're the only person I'd accept as my brother in law

↳landonorris thanks champ xx 🙏

↳username3 HE'S SO SASSY I CANT-

↳charles_leclerc what about @/arthur_leclerc? I thought you liked him, I thought we had plans

↳y/n_verstappen YOU HAD PLANS?

↳arthur_leclerc YOU HAD PLANS?

↳landonorris YOU HAD PLANS?

username5 I'd love to see Y/n and Arthur as a couple, but I'm so happy for her and Lando 😭

↳username3 nahhh Y/n and Arthur totally have besties vibe, siblings even, can't imagine them as a couple

username1 okay guys so do you think they speak dutch or english when they're alone?

↳username3 Do you think Lando can speak dutch well enough?

↳username1 well, I don't know, just wondering, but he's half Belgian

↳username5 I imagine their conversations to be mostly english mixed with dutch and french, very chaotic and people around don't get anything they say

↳yourfriend1 I can confirm this, it's very frustrating for a person who knows only english

↳username1 does Y/n know french?

↳y/n_verstappen I was forced to learn both french AND italian hanging out with Charles and Arthur, and with Lando I speak mostly english, but I try to mix some dutch into it, however no french here because I'm traumatized <3

↳username1 aaaaaa we love a multilingual queen 🫶

↳username3 so now Lando learns dutch for both his mother and his girlfriend 🥹

↳y/n_verstappen he has a lot to learn, but at least his flemish accent is kinda cute!!

[drdemonprince]

Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?

I would recommend being more specific.

People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.

When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.

In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.

So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.

The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.

Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.

It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.

[glitter-stained]

Oh I see you also wanted to see Jason abusing benzos after Gotham War. Good taste etc.

Anyway, I've given some thought about how that could end up happening, and... Well, for starters, I think this:

Should have consequences!

Maybe Jason takes more time to push through the fear and rescue the girl, and she ends up in the hospital, or maybe she dies (I'm always advocating for them both to die here, but in this situation, I thinking - she inhales a lot of smoke, has to go to the hospital, stays there in critical condition).

Anyway, Jason wouldn't have started abusing benzos just because of himself, but if affects his vigilantism? If it put other people at risk? Yeah, then he's gonna do it.

Alternatively, maybe he even tries to step back from vigilantism, because his condition is putting more people in risk than he not being there at all, and then ends up in the emergency as a civilian and there he is given alprazolam/diazepam/some other benzodiazepine and it works (somewhat? I won't try to understand how comic book logic for body modifications would interact with real world drugs). So afterwards Jason is like... "Hmmmmm this could make me functional again 👍 interesting" and there you go, that's the beginning of his descent into benzos abuse :/

I was about to say "Jason needs to abuse benzos because with the vicious circle of adrenaline/panic attacks he will die" but then I realised this man has the survival instinct of a lemming so your theory is much better, I do think he would take them to be able to continue vigilantism.

I don't want the little girl to die, not because I don't think you're right, but because it makes me too sad. With that being said, I've been considering some things:

-Jason died (his first death) of smoke inhalation

-PTSD is associated with memory issues regarding the event (not an erasure of the moment so much as distorsions, issues with memories, details remembered wrong or incoherently...) Add to that the fear failsafe and the fact that on top of being a traumatic event, this scene could be triggering to him, and Jason does dissociate sometimes (which in extreme case can be linked to "memory" issues when you're not aware of what's happening, ie because you're trapped in a flashback).

-with the rest of the Gotham War storyline happening, Jason had no opportunity to follow-up and take her to the hospital

Put all of that together in the shaker, and you have the perfect cocktail for a Jason overwhelmed by doubt because he can't remember whether the little girl survived.

And then

AND THEN that's where it gets interesting, because the fun thing about benzos is aside from all the other shitty side-effects those drugs, esp in high quantities, can cause temporary memory loss (kinda like when you get black-out drunk). So I'm picturing a Jason addicted to benzos, horrified at the idea of ending up like his mother but not even chemically capable of feeling afraid of it, always wondering if he failed to save that little girl, and with chunks of missing time... I like to think he'd dissociate more often too, as a reaction to the anxiety on top of that, so there's the horror of having his memory full of holes, feeling like he's living a half-life, not being sure of anything...

And, well. When you find a traumatized young man with such dangerous skills, memory issues, attachment issues and such evident vulnerability... There's a lot of things you can do with a man like that. A lot of things you can make them believe, make them feel, make them think.

[jjmaybae]

Breathe Babygirl

SYNOPSIS: When you wake up with barely any sleep in horrid pain and start having an attack anxiety, you rush to JJ Maybank who instantly does his best to comfort & help you.

PAIRING: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Stomach illness & anxiety attack.

AUHTOR’S NOTE: I wrote this today to comfort myself tbh but also wrote to comfort anyone else who isn’t feeling well too! Hopefully. 🤍 English was my third language btw.

(Song is optional. Just felt like adding one)

Early morning, the pain was actually hitting you quite hard and panic was steadily rising. It had been a while since you felt this way… the anxiety part. You thought it was gone forever but there it goes again, sneaking up on you like the bitch it is.

Your stomach had felt awful, you weren’t sure what triggered it this time but it ruined your sleep. It had felt like an actual rock was in your stomach, ripping away—it was so sharp and the nausea was at tenfolds.

You gulped and in a very short amount of time, you ran on autopilot looking for one person. Your feet taking you straight out the door despite the crippling pain you felt in your lower stomach, shooting up to the upper abdomen.

Now, you had never done this… so when JJ Maybank, your boyfriend, caught sight of you walking to him while he was out in the garage, surprisingly already awake—his concern and worry skyrocketed. You looked distraught and he had no idea why.

Immediately, he was walking to you and wrapped his arms around you, “Hey baby, what’s wrong? I got you.”

A hug and his voice should have soothed you but it only did a little when you were literally shaking with body tremors now and he felt it, his hold tightening slightly, “Baby?”

You spoke, “I slept like, two hours and I have a horrible sharp pain in my stomach.”

As if on cue, you groaned and continued as he listened, his brows furrowing.

“And I’m so nauseated, Jay. I feel like garbage. I’m tired and it’s making me super anxious… I- I never told you but I used to suffer from bad anxiety attacks… all the time, before we met.”

He knew that you, his girlfriend, had a stomach illness and issues that could make life unbearable at times when flares happened but you always seemed to handle it, despite his protests and arguments. You always masked yourself as okay and it would tick him off endlessly but he tried to control it.

What he didn’t know was that you used to suffer from bad anxiety.

He spoke quietly, his strong arms still wrapped around you trying to will the tremors away, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He almost sounded like he was wearing a frown now for not realizing this but you were so unwell that he couldn’t get mad.

“I thought they were gone for good… it’s been a long time since this happened. To be honest, I’m sort of scared of being ill. It’s not fun having these dumb health issues… but it got so much better, I- I… wasn’t expecting this and-“

Your trembling got worse and your breathing started faltering there. It was always shitty how it would just escalate so fast, the feeling of panic increasing along with the feeling of sickness.

He started rubbing a hand up and down your back, soothingly, “Shh, shh… it’s okay, sweetheart. Focus on me now. I’m right here, deep breaths babygirl.”

You tried but were struggling to focus now and he sensed it, “One, two, three, four, five inhale… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight exhale… c’mon.”

When you felt the tears startle to prickle and the breathing technique not working, you shuddered out a breath. Pulling away just a tad, “I can’t. I can’t… it’s not helping!”

Then when the pain hit even sharper, you almost kneeled over but he kept holding you up—a noise of discomfort coming out as you clutched your tummy.

“Let’s get inside, get you sat. Can’t stand like this,” He suddenly lifted you up like it was nothing while you made that pained face and felt more shaky than ever.

He was always your strong man and this was the time to use that strength. His heart broke though when he saw that look on your face, “Jesus Christ, baby…” He muttered and quickly walked you indoors to put you on the couch. He kept you on his lap, starting to rub your tummy, trying to ease it all.

His hand kept running circles but that stubborn ache wouldn’t let up.

“Nn…” You let out a small whine and he sighed, feeling a bit panicky himself.

“I’m gon’ go get you some medicine? Alright?” He said and carefully detangled from you, standing up but you spoke.

“No! Um…”

His brow quirked and he almost scoffed, “babygirl, you are starting to lose color, what do you mean ‘no’ to meds?”

“I… really don’t like meds, J. Please… can you just make me some tea? Tea can help sometimes,” you breathed out.

He couldn’t help but give in to the request, letting out a large exhale, “tea… yeah, I’ll get you that. Just stay put, I won’t take long.”

He noticed a sense of anxiety in you at the fact of him being gone for a few minutes, he almost struggled walking to the kitchen to leave you.

You hated yourself for being so clingy and needy at this moment, you normally prided yourself on not being that but alas, you were freaked out and it sucked.

You nodded and he bit his lip, “five minutes, stay here.”

He was hesitating but knew you needed something so he finally urged his feet to move to the kitchen so he can make tea.

After some minutes, he came back with the steaming mug, settling right next to you. One arm slung over your shoulder as you leaned to him in your shaken state and the other holding the mug.

It was ginger tea, for the nausea and discomfort—he hoped it would do the trick.

He carefully handed it but when he saw your tremors at work still, he put his hand over yours holding the mug to steady it.

“Drink,” He said, assuring he’d help you hold it. His hand was as warm as the mug and it felt nice, safe.

Once you finished with the tea, he pulled you closer and moved his free hand to your tummy to rub soothing circles as you fully leaned on him, head burying to his side.

“Tea’s gonna help, baby. Just relax with me now… deep breaths again.”

You nodded, trying to do exactly that.

After about forty minutes of hell slowly fading over, he felt relieved to feel your shaking stop completely.

He lifted your face a bit to take a look at you. He saw how exhausted you seemed, needing sleep. The weary look ok your face made him sad.

“Is the pain gone? Nausea?”

You nodded, “yeah, JJ… it’s gone. Tea helped.” Sighing in relief and so did he, “good, you need sleep babe.”

“I do, two hours was not enough.”

He changed the position, carefully laying himself on the couch and bringing you slowly with him, to lay right on top of him—everything was done with the uttermost affection for his girl.

“Sleep, I’ll stay with you.” He whispered softly, taking his fingers to thread through your soft hair.

You melted at that simple action, it meant everything. You nuzzled your head into his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso and holding on.

You closed your eyes, “thank you, love you.”

He smiled to himself, taking his free arm to wrap around you as he held you close while you two rested.

“I love you too… also, there’s no shame in needing some help and comfort, darlin’. I want you to always get me, ok? No more, doing it all on your own bullshit.”

“Jay…” you mumbled.

“I mean it. I know you can handle your shit most times but I got you anyway, so just listen for once?” His voice was stern and it made you feel something.

You sighed, knowing he was concerned and maybe a little irritated. Not at you per se but with the situation.

“Okay.” You simply replied, feeling more and more relaxed to the way he was gently playing with your hair and holding you with the other arm. He tugged you closer with just that one arm.

“Damn, you’re really not well today if you just agreed with no complaints but fuck, I’m takin’ that babygirl.”

You let out a quiet chuckle, tightening your hold on him.

“Yeah, yeah… no sass today. I know.”

“As much as I love your fire sometimes though, good. Better not sass me with this.” And that made you grin just a little to yourself.

“I’m shuttin’ up now, sleep… shh.” He placed a kiss on top of your head then closed his eyes and you felt yourself slowly drifting off to a peaceful and much needed rest. With your boyfriend and you cuddled up and cozy.

[carrionofamurderprey]

In Defense of Nancy Wheeler,

a short collection of thoughts concocted by someone who is very used to defending a character that is shitted on and misunderstood by half the fandom and victimized by poor writing choices.

1.) In Defense of her being a bad friend

"she abandoned barb and that's why she died"

principally... a shitty thing to do, but i'd ARGUE it was a lapse of judgement that literally triggers her entire character arc. HEAR ME..

and a weaker, but still valid argument that does not excuse her decision, but is fair nonetheless.. how was she supposed to know barb was going to get swallowed up by an inter dimensional monster in the pool???… just saying. JUST SAYING.

Like I mentioned, it triggered a huge character arc for Nancy. Nancy felt awful that Barb went missing, and she recognized her faults. This guilt and confusion toward the tragedy led her to other realizations, like the state of her relationship, who Steve is as a person, and her own identity. My girl had a lot on her plate and she paid her debts in FULL solving Hawkins mysteries to not only compensate for what happened to Barb, but protect her friends and family!!!!!!

Don’t even get me started on how she felt not being able to tell Barb’s parents once she found out what really happened. Must’ve been awful.

2.) In defense of her shitty love triangle (my biggest point arguably)

everyone who hates her because of the love triangle she's subjected to are (and i’m sorry to say it but not really,) stupid. her character is obviously trying to break out of being central to a love triangle, but the writers can not for the life of them figure out what to do with steve and jonathan past s3 developmentally, which keeps her stuck in that place.

Nancy is so badass and has so much potential.

Someone also pointed out the underlying misogynistic issue of keeping women’s development “at bay,”— whether it be intentional or not!!— by having their entire importance dependent on male characters. That’s a post for another day, though.

and i'd like to point out she's not in a place like el, who is also in a canon love triangle, but also completely able to realize and explore her independence after catalysts (being friends with max, breaking up with mike).

THIS IS BECAUSE SHE HASNT HAD THE CHANCE TO BE AUTHENTICALLY ALONE AND REALIZE THE IMPACT OF HER OWN CATALYSTS (barb incident, solving hawkins mysteries)!

nancy’s character— to me and many others feels like she is given the illusion of choice by the writers. nancy in her love triangle is more like mike in his. she is not given the same opportunity to branch out, and is instead stuck choosing between two people, like mike. el's only choice is mike or herself. despite both being female characters that discover their independence, nancy isn't far enough on the receiving end to have her own arc.

Now logically, Nancy could branch out and be alone, and so could Mike. However, just like Mike is set up to be in love with Will, Nancy is set up to be in love with her male interests. Whereas this is sets a tone of freedom and accomplishment for Mike’s character, this.. to me, sets a tone of imprisonment and stillness for Nancy’s.

Final: There is still hope for Nance in s5

i would really like to see more parallels between these two friendships in season 5. like el and max, robin and nancy didn't start off being best friends!!

nancy was standoffish toward robin like el was with max, and they both reacted that way because of a boy, but then slowly realized they valued their female friendship more than romance.

this friendship helped el escape vecna and the idea that she needs approval from the males in her life.

i think it would be cool if they didsomething like that with robin and nancy instead of keeping her at such a stand still with steve and jonathan in the final season.

FIN🤌🏾

[delusional-fantasising]

Hii Purple Cat! I have an idea for you (one you don’t have to write btw just offer your own thoughts and input) and it’s an angsty one!

So basically, I’ve had this HC that Noah’s father was extremely schizophrenic as well as abusive whenever he had episodes and was completely off medication, so episodes were often.

And with these episodes, Noah grew up with a terrifying fear of ever becoming like this father. Similar to Mirage, who I think, back in Cybertron — had a pretty abusive mentor who trained him and other autobots to be a spy. But Mirage was the “favorite”.

Now, hear me out. Imagine Noah’s family play a prank on him by locking him in the bathroom. Well not his family specifically, more like Kris. And yeah, Noah is playing along but he does have stuff to do and does get increasingly agitated the longer he’s in there.

And then, Kris goes “Fine, I’ll get you out of there” and calls Noah by their father’s name.

And it’s just silence and Noah’s like “…What did you just call me?” and his breathing gets heavier, he’s triggered and nothing stopped him from hitting his fist on the door and yelling “FUCK YOU.” to his 11 year old brother.

And it’s heartbreaking, because when Brenna heard that, a thought crossed her mind that her husband was back in the house and not in a good mood before she remembers he left. Because nobody’s heard someone screaming “fuck you” for a long time.

And of course, this scares Kris and he goes to get the key to let his brother out. They’re both stammering apologies but when Noah raises his hand, just to probably lean on the doorway or scratch the nape of his neck; Kris flinches.

Kris flinched at him.

And that made Noah feel so shitty.

And with Mirage, something similar happened. He was in a situation, clearly uncomfortable but wouldn’t say anything since the rest of the autobots were having fun and when he keeps asking to leave and gets stern about him, Optimus or Bumblebee try to make a joke.

Optimus by calling Mirage by his mentor’s name (he and the mentor knew each other) and Bumblebee by even mimicking the mentor’s voice.

And hearing that, literally just hearing a phrase and it’s poorly mimicked and doesn’t even sound like the mentor but it doesn’t stop Mirage from yelling something very similar to “fuck you” in cybertronian, at the same time the “mentor” does too.

And it’s crazy because ever since being on Earth, Mirage seemed to already know the language and hasn’t spoken any Cybertronian ever since the autobots have known him.

So yeah, take these two scenarios as you will :p

Holy smokes i thought I answered this a long ass time ago i am so sorry but once I finish up a few things I will write this because I can picture this really well. I truly think that the ship Miroah was built off of being parallels of each other though

[scarabsinthestardust]

Right on Time // Ch. 1

MASTERLIST

word count: 2400+

When I wrote this initially, I had no idea where I was going with it or where we were coming from with Tender, so I can't help but feeling like the start is kinda rough. But if you bear with me, big things are coming. So let's get this party started!

Also, I'm a sucker for strange and unique names. So sue me.

WARNINGS: drinking, language, serious physical injury/stabbing, blood (I am not a trained medical professional and I have no formal training - I don't have any idea how any of this works, but we're just playing pretend here), slight anxiety/nervousness, coming-out stories, some mention of a shitty ex, a teeny-tiny spoiler for the Better in the Morning universe that I haven't actually written yet, but I don't think it's anything shocking, and some general cheesiness and dumb dialogue

EXTRA WARNING AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a direct sequel to Tender, taking place about a year after the last chapter. While not the focus of the primary relationship, we will still see Finn, and this will still contain ***DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and DOMESTIC ABUSE***. Parts of it will be extremely violent. Each chapter will still have its individual warnings. If these topics are triggering or difficult for you, proceed with caution or don't read.

The bar was crowded tonight; someone was throwing a bachelor party, and the attendees were wasted. The sounds of rock music, clattering of pool balls as they were struck, and overlapping chatter filled the space. I headed to the bar, ordered my favorite, a Salty Dog, and pulled out my phone to pass the time. Someone squeezed into a space next to me to wave down the bartender.

“Another Salty Dog, please.”

I pulled my eyes from my phone and lifted my own drink. “Excellent taste.”

The stranger beamed at me, all pearly whites with a tiny gap between his top two teeth. “I’d be remiss if I drank anything else.”

Judging by his accent, he wasn’t a Tennessee native- maybe Midwestern? He had a mop of fluffy curls, the sides of his head neatly shaved, exposing an assortment of silver jewelry adoring his ears, and the biggest brown doe eyes. He almost seemed to blush when our eyes met.

“You here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah. My brothers are over there. You?” His eyes travelled down, checking out my tattooed arms before landing on the rainbow band around my wrist.

“Just waiting on some friends from work.”

“Good. I was worried you might be with that shitshow over there.” He gestured to the bachelor party attendees. They were all yelling, trying to get the attention of any female within earshot, and one was now climbing on top of a pool table and grabbing at the light fixtures. Two bouncers were making their way over to the crowd.

I grimaced. “I have a feeling it’s about to get so much worse. I feel bad for the poor girl that’s about to marry one of those idiots.” The stranger laughed, an admittedly cute laugh. He had received his drink, but he hadn’t made a move to return to his brothers yet. He was lingering.

“Well,” he started cautiously, “if your friends are gonna be a while, you’re welcome to come join us for a game of pool.” The bar’s lighting made it difficult to see clearly, but he was definitely blushing now and had a flirty smile on his face. His eyes travelled back to my bracelet, maybe to make sure it was still there, before shooting me a knowing glance. The message didn’t go unnoticed.

I hadn’t planned on picking up or hooking up with anyone tonight, but there was no harm in spending some time with someone new. Did it matter if that someone happened to be especially attractive? “I think I could take you up on that, if you’re sure your brothers won’t mind the extra company.”

“Nah, they won’t mind. I’m Josh, by the way.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Josh. I’m Cairo.” I flashed a smile at him and could have sworn I saw him swoon.

“Cairo? Like the city?”

Chuckling, I said, “Yeah, and it’s my real name. Scout’s honor. My mom kept with the theme for my brother and sister, too.”

Whatever Josh was going to say next was interrupted by some extremely loud yelling and the sound of glass breaking, followed shortly after by a man’s pained screams. One of the party goers stumbled through the crowd before collapsing to the ground. There was a large piece of glass stuck in the left side of his neck, just above his collarbone.

“Oh, shit.” I pushed off the bar and bolted towards the crowd, reaching him just as the man attempted to yank the glass free. A bouncer was shouting into his cell phone, asking for an ambulance. I used one hand to grab the man’s arm and the other to apply pressure around the wound. Between shouting orders to a bystander to bring a towel, and another to help hold the hysterical man, I steadily talked to him, a mixture of trying to keep him calm and instructing him to not pull the glass out. His previous attempt to remove it, though, jarred it enough that blood was still pouring out, soaking the towel that eventually came and was being pressed to the wound. Alcohol is blood thinner, after all.

The man was quickly losing color and starting to slip into unconsciousness, but at least he wasn’t flailing anymore. Thankfully, he was still breathing when the ambulance arrived, and the paramedics took over. One of them shot me a look. “You’re supposed to be off duty.”

I let out a forced laugh. “Tell that to this guy.”

The police weren’t far behind, quick to cuff the attacker as EMS loaded up the injured man. I sighed as I peered at the blood staining my shirt and covering my hands. When I returned to the bar to grab my jacket, Josh was still there, staring at me with wide eyes. “So, that was wild. And you… are covered in blood.”

I laughed nervously. “Uh… yeah. I’m a paramedic.” I shrugged. “Comes with the territory sometimes.”

“Gross.” Josh had a playful grin on his face. “But it was nice talking to you. If you wanna… maybe I could get your number and we could continue the conversation later?” Josh tried to hide his nervousness as he waited for my reply, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

A little taken aback that Josh was still even slightly interested, despite the fresh coating of someone else’s blood, I blinked at him in confusion. “I… yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. If you’re sure.”

“’Course I’m sure.” Josh pulled his phone out and typed in the number as I spoke it, not wanting to touch and contaminate my own phone. “There. Now you have mine, too.” I had just met this man, knew next to nothing about him, but the soft smile on his face was all it took, and I was wrapped around his finger.

~

When I arrived at the restaurant, my date was already seated at a booth in the corner. He looked so pretty in the dim light, and he was bouncing his knee, although out of anxiousness or boredom I wasn’t sure. He smiled widely when I came into view, the very corners of his eyes crinkling up. “Hey, you.”

“Hey.” I took the seat across from him.

“Glad to see you are, in fact, not covered in someone else’s blood today.”

“I’d very much like to keep it that way, too,” I laughed.

“Well, I come here a lot, and people don’t frequently get stabbed in the jugular, so you’ll probably be fine.”

“Good to know.” The waiter came to take our drink orders, and the conversation continued smoothly. “So, you know what I do. What about you?”

“Uh, I’m in a rock bad. We actually just got back from tour a few weeks ago. Greta Van Fleet?”

“I guess I’ll have to check it out.” It wasn’t really shocking. We were in the music capital of the country; running into famous musicians was fairly common. And he didn’t seem put off in the slightest that I hadn’t heard of the band. And it might be safe to assume that it was easier that way. It would give us both a chance to get to know each other, without the unrealistic expectations that fans tend to place on their idols.

“How long have you been a paramedic?”

“Eight years. I started out as a firefighter, and then figured out that I actually am terrified of running into burning buildings.”

“I can see how that could be a problem.” He smirked. “You like what you do?”

“I love it. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. And how does the rockstar life treat you?”

“Oh, it’s awesome. I mean, it can be exhausting and being gone a lot can make certain things… difficult.” He smiled, although a little sadly. I imagine dating wasn’t always easy. “But it’s so rewarding. We get to travel and spread the love wherever we go and to all the really beautiful people we meet. Plus, we’ve gotten to meet so many amazing musicians, ones we grew up on. Metallica? That was an experience. And I’m not gonna lie, I swooned when I met Billy Idol. Seriously, it doesn’t matter how famous we get, throw me in front of one of the big guns, one of the legends, it’s like I’m a nervous, awkward teenager again. But that’s why it’s such an awe-inspiring feeling when they’re down to earth, like we can function on the same level. This one time on tour, Dave Grohl walked into our tour bus…”

I listened intently as he raved about his experiences, and I was hanging onto every word. The guy hardly stopped to take a breath, and I was intrigued. I probably could have listened to him talk all night, and it was nice getting to see the things that made him happy, excited him.

At the end of a story, he trailed off and got quiet. Blushing, he averted his eyes to the table. “Sorry, sometimes I don’t know when the shut the hell up.”

“Don’t be. It’s endearing.” He perked up at the compliment. “Besides, you have interesting stories to tell, and I’d like to hear them.”

“If the other night was any indication, I’m sure you’ve got loads of interesting stories yourself.”

I laughed dryly. “I promise, most of the calls we respond to aren’t nearly as exciting. But if you wanna hear about little old ladies with low blood sugar, I’ve got plenty to talk about.”

We chatted throughout dinner, never a lull in the conversation. We talked about music – I’m a bit set in my ways and primarily stick to rock made before 1990 – and the yearly cabin trips Josh would take with his brothers and bandmates so they could focus on writing. He asked about my tattoos, and I gave a brief synopsis of the stories behind all the colorful ink; some were sentimental, and some were along the lines of ‘I don’t know, I just really like sharks.’ There was laughter laced into everything, and I found myself slipping further and further as the night wore on, getting lost in those big brown eyes.

After dinner, neither of us was ready to call it a night, and we decided to take a walk through the nearby park. He told me about his brothers and sister-in-law, and raved about his two-year old niece. When he inquired about my family, he seemed to tread carefully, almost like he was afraid to ask too many questions. But I didn’t have anything to hide on that front, so I shared stories about my sister and my own niece, now six. I talked a little about my brother but explained that we weren’t close and didn’t talk much. We had never gotten along well, even as kids.

“Are you, uh… out? To your parents? Or…” Another question he tried to ask gently, in case it was a sensitive topic.

“Yeah, they’re cool with it. I came out when I was 14. My idiot brother had just knocked a girl up so dad was just happy he wouldn’t have to worry about that. My mom… she can be a little abrasive, but looking back on it, it was pretty funny.” I put on my most exaggerated Italian New Yorker accent and imitated the conversation as I remembered it. “She said, ‘And I like to steal sauce cups from restaurants. What, are we just telling each other fun facts about ourselves? I’ve known you were gay since you were six, and you still gotta do the fuckin’ dishes.’”

This made Josh cackle, almost uncontrollably. “Oh my God, that’s fucking hilarious.” Once he caught his breath, he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “My coming out story just involved a lot of crying and hugging.”

“Nothing wrong with that. We got lucky.” We shared a silent understanding, and no words were needed to elaborate. An equally silent prayer was put out for all the queer kids that didn’t get to experience the love they deserved.

Josh tentatively looped an arm with mine. I figure that being a famous musician came with thousands of fans, male and female alike, that would have killed for a chance to be where I was right now. Fans were one thing, groupies another, but that was a bridge we’d cross later. I’d never been one for bitter or unreasonable jealousy, and I hadn’t technically claimed him yet. We’d see how the night went.

“You got any crazy exes I should know about?” I meant it as a joke, aiming to get a laugh out of him, but the way his face fell and he dropped his gaze to the ground made me realize I might have made a mistake. “I… sorry. I was just kidding. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

He looked up and gave me a half smile. “Yeah, sorry. I’m… I’m having a really good night and I don’t wanna talk about him. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t fucked everything up already.”

Another smile. That was a good sign. “Nah, I think you still have a pretty good chance.” His slightly awkward wink pulled a chuckle out of me. I was curious, now, about what had happened between him and his ex. Part of me only wanted to make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes. Maybe one day I’d hear the story, but it definitely wasn’t first date material.

The night wore on, into slightly late hours, before we made the trek back to where we’d left our cars. Neither one of us wanted the evening to end, and we found quite a few ways to stall, until Josh wasn’t able to stifle a yawn. He didn’t make an effort to hide his pout either, when I told him he should probably go home and get some rest.

“Is it safe to assume you might be up for a second date?”

“Hm,” he feigned uncertainty. “I think I could probably manage that. What’s your schedule like?”

After some working between his plans and my 24-hour shifts, we settled on a day. “Then it’s a date,” I said.

“Okay. Can I kiss you?”

I let out a soft laugh. “I would like that.”

Josh placed a soft hand on the side of my face as we leaned in, lips meeting in a gentle kiss. I’d be lying if I claimed not to feel an immediate spark. He fit perfectly against me, and I wished we could stay like that all night. It felt natural, like we’d known each other forever; he felt like home.

///

TAGLIST Let me know if you want to be added!

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka @lilbitx

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[bonefall]

Just curious, is Russetfur still Raggedstar’s half sister in this universe or are they completely unrelated now? Also do you have anything on Boulder? He was always one of my favorite background cats

If they are half-sibs, it's not relevant! They won't know or care.

Chelford cats are matriarchal. Sires don't inherently play a role in the lives of their children, and seeking that sort of company is something a parent keeps discreet. Uncles and brothers fill the role of "father" in raising the kittens, with cats tracking their lineages through mothers

So Russet has no idea who her father is and doesn't care. Ngl, I also just... don't care about Hal lmaooo

(Imagine writing a super edition about one of your most popular characters, with a story that people have been begging to hear in detail for years, and then dedicating the entire opening to her shitty husband's daddy issues. Couldn't be me.)

Instead, Russetfur is related to the leader of BloodClan at that time. Brick is her sister. I might make Hal her uncle or older brother.

The conflict that occurs between BloodClan and ShadowClan at this time will cause the leader to be killed suddenly, triggering the Frenzy, the period of time during which a new leader is chosen. Pinestar is already having issues over in ThunderClan, and starts seriously thinking about leaving to go help out.

(Though it's certainly not his last straw.)

In any case... if Russetfur and her buddy Boulder had been having second thoughts about Clan life, getting the BloodClan Leader killed and burned the hell out of THAT bridge.

Anyway.

Russetfur and Boulder are in danger during TigerClan. Serious danger. They were loyal to Brokenstar and were safe as long as they were good warriors, but Tigerstar had his eye on them.

So, I feel they may have supported Deerfoot's Rebels, but deniably. I want Blackstar picking Russetfur to be heavily based on her participation, but I also need her to stay safe.

(Might end up having her escape and take refuge with Mistyfoot...)

Boulder is a lot more passive. I like him a LOT and want to expand his role a bit, just because... I Like Him. Literally just blorbo lmao. It's funny how the fandom consensus is just, "this guy's cool!"

I go back and forth on when Boulder's kids are born, and who they are. But he WILL be having kids

I'm set on Whitethroat being one of them, and leaning towards Wetfoot being another.

If Wetfoot is one of Boulder's kids, Firestar knows Boulder as a concerned dad. Wetfoot is going to get a bigger role as a friend in ShadowClan and Deerfoot Rebel.

In my head, Boulder likes the community of Clan life more than the violence, but because he's huge and served under tyrannical leaders he gets forced into battles he doesn't enjoy.

He massively regrets following Russetfur, honestly. He doesn't want to leave and go rebuild his reputation in BloodClan... but he also wishes he never came here.

In my heart, TPB is like the WORST period in this poor guy's life. Background character going through an absolute WRINGER

He's anxious for himself, anxious for his friends, anxious for his kids. Loses Whitethroat. Might lose Wetfoot to the Plague. Serves under TigerClan, terrified that if he isn't a perfect warrior he will get killed.

(And he's right. His fear is warranted. If Russetfur does something, like if I go with her being a refugee in ThunderClan, HE is going to get punished.)

And, of course, he is eventually used by Tigerstar to open up talks with BloodClan.

Even though he has Sasha, Nightwhisper, and Jaggedtooth to serve the same purpose... Tigerstar chooses Boulder.

He doesn't trust Jaggedtooth after he "fails" to contain the prisoners that escape to ThunderClan. He "proved" his loyalty by following his order to execute Deerfoot, but Jaggedtooth is now at the bottom of the pecking order.

Sasha is being reduced to a mate Tigerstar can control, even though she served as one of his mercenaries. He doesn't give her ANY agency.

Nightwhisper is a stupid tool, in Tigerstar's eyes. He does not respect his intelligence, just his eagerness.

So Boulder is chosen. He's smart enough to translate properly, fearful enough to do what Tigerstar says, has lived long enough as a Clan cat... and if he HAS any remaining kids, there is the implicit threat that if Boulder tries something funny, his child is who will pay for it.

After TigerClan ends, I feel like Boulder is desperate to retire early, but also feels like he can't ask for it. He's only survived this long because of his usefulness. It would be hard to trust that he can just... not serve, anymore.

If I can scrounge up more kits for ShadowClan (IT'S SO SMALL), I also would like him to end up having another litter mid-Po3.

Hopefully one of the kids of his first survived, so I can play around with the harrowing dynamic of, "Our dad is so much happier while raising you... I envy my younger sibling's childhood."

And on a final note, Boulder is probably going to get a Warrior Name during TPB. It doesn't really make sense that he just keeps his old one, unfortunately, when Clan Culture is at its most xenophobic and he's in active danger. He'll get Boulder back as a request between TPB and TNP.

[blubushie]

your complaints about intersex pyro made me feel a little less insane because i think my most controversial tf2 take is that i genuinely see pyro as a cis male. idk why people get so salty and insist that nonbinary/intersex/etc pyro is law when his teammates only ever refer to him with male pronouns lmao. imo tumblr still has alot of backwards ideas of gender/sex, which is evident by the way they still perpetuate many stereotypes but in a "woke" way. oh, masked character whose face we never see and who often gets dehumanized by his coworkers? must be an it/they/whatever

I've never worked out in my head what Pyro is (honestly to me it doesn't really matter, Pyro is Pyro) except what he ISN'T, and that is intersex because I'm a grumpy, spiteful little intersex man who doesn't want representation if that representation is just enforcing shitty stereotypes.

I still use masculine pronouns for him though since it's what everyone else uses including Miss Pauling, and considering how he handled Soldier crossing boundaries in the comic (lopping off his hand) I don't reckon he'd have any issue enforcing his desired pronouns if he didn't use masculine ones. But nah yeah the whole "dehumanised masked character MUST be intersex" thing pisses me the fuck off. Like we aren't dehumanised enough. Like we aren't told to be ashamed of our bodies and change or hide them enough.

I also don't like "Pyro is covered in burn scars and wears his suit to hide them" headcanons for this reason tbh. I don't think scars are anything to be ashamed of, I don't think they should be hidden so as not to trigger people or whatever, and I don't think that reinforcing a stereotype of "character covers their scars because they're self conscious" helps burn victims to not be self conscious. I think it's just a dick move and tone deaf. I think if anything it encourages people who cover themselves out of insecurity or fear of copping shit to continue doing that. Signed a burn victim (who does cover his scar because he's insecure about it)—this shit doesn't help. Just reinforces that I have something to be ashamed about regarding my body.

[once-i-stay-in-neverland]

Minsung fic recs Part 4: "straight" character

In the fics in this list either Minho or Jisung thinks he's straight until he meets the other one or something else happens between them. Naturally all of these fics deal with a sexual awakening, some with a sexuality crisis and they contain different levels of angst. Additional comments by me are in brackets and italics [like this]

Han Jisung's Guide to Heterosexuality by Cyrech | 76'297 words (on going) | Mature

Jisung finds that with night time, he loses a lot of his common sense. Not in the sense that he does anything risky or harmful, but that he becomes curious about things he would never be interested in during the day time. The most recent example of this was anime fanfiction and, well, look at him now. So it can't really be blamed on him when, at the ungodly hour of 2:15am, he starts searching for idol fanfiction. Technically, it's Changbin's fault for putting the idea in his head to begin with. Or, Han Jisung is a completely straight, heterosexual man. Definitely.

[an on going fic that's super cute and super hilarious]

2. Astray In The Closet by booberstank | 188'227 words | Explicit

“Woah!” Jisung said just as Minho was about to press their lips together. He pushed Minho back a little bit as he felt his heart rate accelerating. “I’m straight! I don’t! I’m not! No!” “Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Minho laughed, putting a little space between them and taking his hand from Jisung to rub the back of his hair as he smiled bashfully. “I don’t… Why did you think I was gay?” Jisung asked, his eyes wide and brow furrowed as he started to worry. “I didn’t look at you and think ‘he looks gay, I’m gonna kiss him’ I looked at you and thought ‘he looks pretty, I’m gonna try and kiss him’.” “Oh…” Jisung breathed. - Jisung struggled to fit in, to feel normal and to flow with the rest of the world. He knew he liked women, of course he did. So why when he met Minho did everything become so much better and worse all at once? - Or; Jisung is in denial about his sexuality, and Minho makes it hard to keep denying. So hard that it triggers a breakdown and poor decisions.

[heavy angst, lots of internalised homophobia and internalised ableism, Jisung is autistic, also plenty of shitty behaviour and harmful coping mechanisms]

3. mind in the gutter, heart in your hands by iamnotme (alpha_exodus) | 12'221 words | Explicit

There are too many people at Chan's birthday party. Thankfully for Jisung, Minho is one of them. Even though Jisung is straight, he slowly starts to find himself more comfortable with Minho hitting on him - maybe a little too comfortable.

[silly meet-cute :))]

4. all the pretty stars by orphan_account | 14'241 words | Explicit

Straight guys aren’t supposed to like their roommate’s lips on their neck. Jisung does.

[this one's also rather silly]

5. Does Lee Minho want to fuck me, question mark by ddeonddun | 34'042 words | Explicit

Jisung thinks he found a weird similarity in who his best friend Lee Minho chooses to sleep with. They all look like him. Does that mean he wants to fuck him, too? He decides to investigate to prove his theory by putting an unsuspecting Minho through different tests. Chan disagrees, but this isn’t about him.

[this is also silly but has some serious moments as well and minsung are super cute and cuddly in this one]

6. pathos prairie by mrehk | 33'333 words | Explicit

Would Minho have sex with him? Would he want to? The thought turns Jisung’s stomach. He doesn’t want Minho to get the wrong idea about why he comes here, why he’s meeting up with him. “I’m straight,” he blurts, without prompting, heartbeat heavy in his fingers, his cheeks, behind his eyes. Minho twists around so that the chains of his swing are crossed, staring Jisung dead on with his eyebrows raised. “Um. Okay? I’m not trying to sleep with you.” Shame burns deep in Jisung’s insides, through the cavity of his chest, between his bones. “I–I know,” he stutters. “I’m–” swallowing back bile, something sharp. “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” (OR: Han Jisung, Lee Minho, & Mutually Assured Destruction)

[I really like how deliberately this was written, there was clearly a lot of thought and care put into this fic; strangers to friends to lovers, lots of angst; definitely one of the best minsung fics out there]

more fic rec lists:

Minsung:

Part 1: Pure Fluff (Smut-free and mostly Angst-free)

Part 2: Asexual character

Part 3: Fake Dating

[many-but-one]

I really admired you and looked up to you. Parts of our system were influenced by your journey to do the same. Our gatekeeper watched many of your videos and found them to be helpful. However, due to your association with a certain person, and after what I've been hearing about them influencing other systems to think they have a ramcoa history when they don't, I don't trust myself anymore. I don't know if I'm a real survivor anymore, maybe I was just led to believe I had that history due to the amount of information I was taking in from various sources. I wish I could still trust you, but I don't know if I can anymore. I also don't think it's a good idea to go into such graphic detail about your trauma. It caused me to do the same and feel that it was okay to do so. And I kept triggering other alters due to that. I kept pushing and pushing through it. And I did make progress with certain alters, but I think it really put me in an unhealthy state of mind too. I don't think I was ready to be dealing with that. Now we have a fight-reponse alter who will stop at nothing to ensure we deprogram and become free, even if at the expense of other alters and our overall wellbeing. He only cares that we keep fighting, that we tell our therapist information about our system and get her to believe us and help us, even though it's a lot for some alters. He's become a very dominant member of the system now, and has even tried to hurt persecutors before they can hurt us.

Hi anon,

I am assuming you are talking about the Legion system. Yes, I was friends with them for some time. About a year or so. However, I’m no longer friends with them and do not associate with them. I’m not sure why you think my association with them has anything to do with them trying to make people believe they have ramcoa when they don’t. I wasn’t involved in their interpersonal business with others. I apologize if this makes you feel like you can’t trust yourself or is making you go into denial, but I fail to see how this is somehow my fault.

Blaming me for sharing information about ramcoa and my trauma and saying you think it led you to believe you had something you may or may not have is not my fault. I educate about ramcoa in efforts to help others who have it. I make it very clear on both my tumblr and my tiktok that I don’t do armchair diagnoses. So you came to this conclusion yourself, and you coming to that conclusion by watching my content or reading my content has nothing to do with me. I’m not trying to influence anyone to do things that are unsafe in therapy (like deprogramming too fast), and just because you saw me talking about my trauma history made you do the same does not mean I forced you to do so. Placing all of this blame on me, an internet stranger who is well within their right to talk about these subjects, is incredibly unreasonable.

I understand you may feel betrayed by the situation that happened with Legion, but imagine how I feel? They were my best friend and I lost them to TERF ideology, even though I tried to warn them not to go down that path. And I have learned a lot of things from other people that I never knew about them, because I don’t really interact with much people online, so I was never aware of their actions outside of the ones they did with me. Learning that I was friends with someone who did some shitty stuff that I never knew about has been devastating.

However, blaming me or even Legion for how your system has chosen to heal is absurd. Because I tell people deprogramming is possible and share info on ramcoa and how to deprogram, suddenly it’s my fault that an internet stranger’s system is going about things in a way that is causing them distress? And trying to tell me not to share my trauma because it made you decide to share your trauma too? No, I didn’t make you do anything.

Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do on my healing journey. Educating the best I can and sharing The Horrors (which are always properly TW’d for the record, so you are allowed to scroll away if it’s not something you want to see) has helped our system heal, grow, and find community. I won’t apologize for doing so, but I am willing to apologize that you feel that it made you take actions that weren’t the best for your system’s healing process. However, placing all of the blame on me for this is immature and ridiculous. You are responsible for what information you take in and what you do with it. In the past, I have made it clear that my information is not a diagnostic tool and I’m not a therapist. What you do with the information I share is completely out of my control because I don’t know you and I am not your therapist.

That’s all I can really say here. I am a bit appalled that you’ve not only come to the conclusion that all of your problems in therapy/system healing are somehow my fault, but you’ve also decided to try and tell me directly that this is so. Your actions you take in healing aren’t something that I can control.

If I can offer some advice here—slow down. Help your protector alter who is trying to speed run this understand that speedrunning the healing process will only cause more problems. Help parts understand that trying to go gung ho into the healing journey before everyone is ready to go that direction will only cause more problems. And lastly, if you think consuming my content has been detrimental to your healing process, block me. Because I’m not going to be silent about ramcoa or what I went through. I will never be silent again.

[machinesonix]

Gang, I love the Harkonnens. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse the Harknonnens, but there is something really refreshing about unsanitized villains. They aren’t inhuman slaves to Morgoth, they aren’t seeking restitution for some sort of childhood trauma with dalmatians, they are just shitty, weird people and we get to talk about how those people think without trying to excuse it. What really made me fall in love is the sheer alien weirdness of Geidi Prime in the 1984 movie, and if you haven’t seen that I really recommend you check that out. I feel like there should be some sort of trigger warning, but I don’t really know how I’d tag it so use your best discretion. Today I want to zoom in on a Harkonnen scene towards the end of the first book that I personally would like to see in some sort of extended cut. Let’s dig in.

I’m gonna start off by reminding everyone about the most famous scene in the franchise right at the beginning. You know it. The pain box. ‘I hold at your neck the gom jabbar, it’s poison kills only animals.’ Mohaim is testing Paul’s ability to delay gratification by threatening to stab him with a poison needle if he pulls out of the pain box. We've all seen the memes. Now let's talk about Feyd.

In the book, the whole un-drugged gladiator thing was Feyd's own doing. See, Feyd's family doesn't take him very seriously. He's been chosen as the na-Baron because he's got charisma and he'll look like the savior of Arakkis after Rabban and Vladimir, but he’s a big showboater that has all his fights rigged. By conspiring with Thufir to get a real Atredies soldier into the arena with him, he is forcing his family to realize how important he is to them. If something happens to him, everything goes up in smoke. But he's also given a chance to demonstrate that he is competent (even if he's cheating with a poisoned blade and some selective brainwashing of the undrugged slave.) The seduction with Lady Fenrig happens off screen, but I think in both Herbert and Villinueve's telling of the story, both of these show us this conflict Feyd has with the pressures of his family whether they're tests from the Baron or something he does to himself in response to those pressures. Finally, and most importantly to Feyd, when the Baron executes his slavemaster for slipping up with the gladiators, the next slavemaster is on Feyd's payroll.

Years down the line the Baron finds a poison needle hidden on one of his slave boys and immediately knows what's up. Feyd is trying to claim the Baron's seat and he's been planning on it ever since He calls Feyd in to make him watch as his entire staff and harem is executed on a whim. Here's where we get the absolute juicy thematic inversion. This shit makes me salivate in a way I might want to talk with a therapist about. The Baron says ‘Feyd, you know what this whole poison needle business tells me? You don't know where your priorities are. I am working on setting up the Harkonnens for generations to come and you're so laser focused on the inheritance you haven’t put any thought into what comes next. So stop trying to kill me and let's talk about your future.’

Feyd-Rautha is, by Bene Gesserit standards, an animal. In the Villinueve film we kinda skirt around the idea by hearing he's such a weirdo that the nerve induction gets him off, but I think this scene here really helps to illustrate why Paul might be the Kwizatz Haderach and Feyd has no shot. They've both got the genetics and the ability to win over a crowd. Nobody saw it coming, but the Kwizatz Haderach's ultimate purpose is to wage the war that will literally end all wars, you'd think Feyd-Murder-For-Fun-Rautha would be a shoe-in to traumatize humanity to violence once and for all. But the fact he'd be good at it is what makes him ineligible. The Kwizatz Haderach can't be someone who thinks in the short term. If Paul didn't have the big picture in mind, he would have fled from the violent future he saw himself being responsible for. If Feyd were in his shoes, there is no way he could stop from getting lost in the sauce. Feyd orchestrated his own gom jabbar in the attempt on his uncle's life, and he failed. Even if he saw the same path to save humanity, he'd have too many opportunities to indulge his glory seeking.

[mha-grievances]

Sorry for not being on in, like, forever. Life’s just gotten in the way.

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. What I really wanted to focus on is something I’ve been thinking a lot on lately, and that’s the idea of asshole characters.

Obviously asshole characters come in all shapes and sizes. Each have their own motivations for being an asshole and/or unfriendly individual. Katsuki, Shota, and Hitoshi are asshole characters themselves, but why is it that I dislike them so much?

At first I thought I didn’t like asshole characters in general. However, I then remembered that there are several characters people would classify as assholes/unfriendly individuals that are characters I adore. Lysithea from Fire Emblem 2 Houses and Natsuki from Doki Doki Literature Club are characters who are rough around the edges and aren’t nice to people immediately. The reasons behind their behavior aren’t too far off from why Shota and Hitoshi act the way they do, that being trauma, so why am I able to look past their behavior and not that of Shota and Hitoshi? With Katsuki, it’s obvious, but the other two had me scratching my head for a bit.

The answer, outside of the fact that Lysithea and Natsuki are multi-layered characters written far better than Shota and Hitoshi, is that the girls are REACTIVE assholes while Hitoshi and Shota are ACTIVE assholes.

What do I mean by that? Well both Lysithea and Natsuki for the most part keep to themselves. Something that someone does ends up causing them to snap. For Lysithea, it’s when she feels that her time is being wasted after someone approaches her about something irrelevant. For Natsuki, it’s a defensive mechanism triggered by a perceived attack on her character. Now, is that an excuse for their behavior? No. There are better ways to defend yourself and to get people to stop talking to you, but it’s at least understandable that they’d snap due to their traumas.

Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota aren’t like that. When they’re an asshole, it isn’t because they’re provoked into being one by someone else’s actions, but because they’re the ones doing the provoking. Katsuki’s rude and aggressive to everyone around him, choosing to make the life of another boy absolutely miserable without any provocation. Hitoshi decides to mock 1-A and issue his “challenge” not because anyone approached him, but because he himself is looking for trouble. Yeah, Katsuki gave off a shitty first impression, but Hitoshi already was planning on challenging 1-A from the beginning. Shota’s the one who controls his teaching style and is a position of authority. Rather than do his job, he’d rather tear someone down.

Am I supposed to sympathize with these so-called heroes? I for the life of me can’t seem to do so. Meanwhile, with characters like Lysithea and Natsuki, I can because they don’t mean to be an asshole, it’s just that they want to be left alone.

Now, am I saying reactive assholes are better characters than proactive assholes? No. Proactive assholes can have great character development. The problem is that proactive assholes are tougher to warm up to, especially when they’re meant to characters the audience is meant to root for. MHA’s writing does nothing TO make people want to root for these guys. They’re just assholes who wanna throw their weight around and never receive punishment for it/are called out for it. Hell, MHA seems to think these characters ARE in the right for being the way they are and/or doesn’t take the fact that they are assholes seriously (looking at you Katsuki).

Anyways, I thought I’d write this up to really explain more of my thought process and why Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota bother me so much whereas I find myself adoring characters such as Lysithea and Natsuki.