#does and it's triggering me??? i have no idea i just feel so shitty and irritable and MEAN like i bit mt bf's head off earlier thru text bc

[gentlethorns]

sigh i feel fucking insane and idk why. like things are lining up and working out what's w the doom n gloom queen

[il-miele-che-scrive]

Can't get over dj Lando in Bali for new years so can I request a smau where he's partying there with reader aka Max's sister? And she's like a dutch influencer so people are kinda like 🤨what they doin doe

My first fic of 2024 🫶 happy new year and enjoy, hoping you don't mind I made Y/n into an ex-junkie for the ✨drama✨, but I've had this idea on my mind for quite some time now, because it's like she's the opposite of her brother. Also I couldn't not make Y/n be friends with a few other drivers too, and also the caption on the last post is 🤌 I loved making this fanfic

y/n_verstappen A last minute decision to spend the end of the year in Bali

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maxverstappen1 Have fun with your girls, don't get in too much trouble

↳y/n_verstappen Yeah... just me and my girls... me & my girls & I

↳username2 guys I have a feeling she's plotting smth

↳username1 we love to see big brother max being the dad

↳username3 that's cuz Jos did a pretty shitty job

yourfriend1 missed this ❤️ grateful to be ending this year with you @/y/n_verstappen @/yourfriend2

↳y/n_verstappen you don't ever know how grateful I am to be in Bali with my favorite people!

↳yourfriend2 I love you guys 🥹😭

↳username2 SHE SAID PEOPLE I repeat she said PEOPLE instead of GIRLS

landonorris Wow I wonder who took these pics of you, they're very nice

↳y/n_verstappen I hired a professional photographer😼pretty expensive if you ask me, but also worth it

↳maxverstappen1 Please quit flirting with my sister

↳landonorris @/maxverstappen1 I'm flirting with the photographer lmao he's very talented if you didn't notice

charles_leclerc Looking forward to hanging out when you're back ☀

↳y/n_verstappen Charlie I went to Switzerland with you before Xmas 😭 it's been a week

↳charles_leclerc Arthur made me post this comment

↳y/n_verstappen tell him I miss him then 🫶 you? not so much 🖕

↳arthur_leclerc I kiss you too @/y/n_verstappen

↳arthur_leclerc *miss

↳y/n_verstappen phew 😮‍💨 you've almost triggered a particular someone

↳username2 this someone being your brother, right Y/n? RIGHT Y/N?!

↳yourfriend1 sure you can go vroom in circles but can you fight? 🤺

↳yourfriend2 that's not the person you should target this question at and we both know that 👀

↳username2 SOMEONE CRACK THIS CODE PLS 😭

↳username3 i mean, she's definitely hinting at Y/n dating a driver 🤷‍♀️ maybe someone from the current f1 grid even

↳username4 @/username2 @/username3 y'all be jumping into assumptions too quickly

username3 Guys I still can't believe Y/n was with the Leclercs in Switzerland and Alexandra wasn't

↳username4 Shut up, Y/n has been friends with the Leclerc brothers ever since Max and Charles' karting era

↳username3 wtf chill 💀 I'm joking (although I wouldn't complain if she ended up dating Charles or Arthur)

y/n_verstappen Adventures are better together

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landonorris The mask suits you, never take it off ❤️

↳username1 HELP why's he so mean to Max's sister💀

↳y/n_verstappen watch out in Bahrain 2024 🔫 sent a screenshot of your comment to the family groupchat

↳charles_leclerc you sent it to our groupchat with max and carlos

↳y/n_verstappen exactly

↳landonorris excuse me @/y/n_verstappen may I be added to the family groupchat?

↳y/n_verstappen excuse me @/landonorris, are you family?

↳landonorris that's my goal for 2024

username5 Look at Y/n having fun in Bali for her brother's money 😬

↳yourfriend1 more like the secret photographer's money 😇*this comment was deleted*

username3 MISS, DON'T ACT LIKE WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR COMMENT

↳username2 AND DON'T ACT LIKE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

charles_leclerc better than the adventures in Switzerland? 🤔

↳maxverstappen1 cringe

↳carlossainz55 cringe

↳georgerussell63 cringe

↳yourfriend1 cringe

↳yourfriend2 cringe

↳landonorris cringe

↳y/n_verstappen jealous Lando?

↳landonorris wtf 5 other people said cringe and I'm the jealous one?

↳y/n_verstappen well, technically 4 other people since Max is my brother

↳landonorris 4 other people and I'm the jealous one?

↳y/n_verstappen Max is my brother, I only tolerate Carlos, no one likes George and his shirtless pics, and my girls are basically pets

↳yourfriend1 arf!

carlossainz55 I thought you can't swim

↳y/n_verstappen I prefer not to swim, but the selfie was worth it

landonorris I've changed my mind about the mask, it's lovely, where can I get one? 🥰

↳y/n_verstappen wow that was quick, I wonder if @/maxverstappen1 has anything to do with it

↳y/n_verstappen anyway, I got it just down the road on my morning walk

↳landonorris how would I know where that is ���

↳y/n_verstappen want me to walk you there? 🙄

↳username2 DOES IT MEAN LANDO IS IN BALI TOO?!

↳username3 @/username2 GIRL THEY MIGHT BE ON VACATION TOGETHER

↳username2 i knew she was plotting something 😭

y/n_verstappen Darling, I fancy you

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username1 WHO IS THAT MAN 🔫 I JUST WANNA TALK

maxverstappen1 Y/n pick up the phone, you can't post and disappear

↳username2 rip to whoever is the mysterious man

↳username3 imagine your brother in law is max verstappen and he hates you before you even meet

↳landonorris ikr, terrible, i could never

↳username3 WTF LANDO

yourfriend1 my fav couple but when will you hard launch?

↳charles_leclerc asking the most important question right there

carlossainz55 I'm tired of knowing who he is and being forced to keep quiet

↳maxverstappen1 what? you found out before me?

↳carlossainz55 in Y/n's defence, the man couldn't keep it a secret

↳username2 alright chat now we know it's someone close to Carlos

↳username1 @/username2 CHARLES?

↳username2 @/username1 no, it can't be him, look a few comments above

↳username3 @/username1 @/username2 I'm being delulu but... Arthur? I'm just manifesting it's him

↳username2 and Charles wouldn't know?

↳username3 well, Max didn't 🤡

↳charles_leclerc don't be shy Carlito tell us

danielricciardo Ki ki ki ra

↳landonorris KI KI AY

↳y/n_verstappen I wanted to say it 😡 why are u so quick??

↳landonorris well, you're trying to compete with an f1 driver, better luck next time

username2 GUYS what if it's LANDO??? Close to Carlos ☑ can vroom circles ☑ possibly also in Bali rn ☑

↳username1 you might have a point plus the caption is Taylor Swift and Lando is a swiftie

↳username5 Is he? I thought it's a British thing to say you have a crush on someone

↳username2 @/username5 well, he's British, so another hint from Y/n I guess

username7 i surely hope her and Lando aren't dating, she's a retired drug addict

↳username1 leave the past in the past, let this girl be happy

arthur_leclerc y/n has a boyfriend y/n has a boyfriend

↳y/n_verstappen don't worry, someday you'll have one too

↳arthur_leclerc let's see if you'll keep this attitude introducing your new bf to Max 😄🖕

y/n_verstappen Als je bitch wil chillen is het geen probleem dan ga ik erheen, ik kom niet alleen want ik heb drank en drugs

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yourfriend1 amazing night!! 💜💜

↳y/n_verstappen we loved the music didn't we 😼

↳landonorris you're welcome 😌

username7 the caption 🥶

↳username2 chill out it's just a song literally!!

↳username3 i can't even remember all the times I've seen Max edited to this song on tiktok lmao

arthur_leclerc You clubbing without me?

↳y/n_verstappen it was a girls night 😇🖕

↳yourfriend2 no it wasn't 🫶

↳yourfriend1 tbh it was, her boyfriend spent more time DJing anyway

username1 why can't they make it official already 🥹

↳username2 I bet Carlos is wondering the same

landonorris I hope you tipped the DJ well for entertaining you half the night

↳y/n_verstappen I guess if you can call entertaining him for the 2nd half of the night in our hotel room a good tip

↳maxverstappen1 WHAT AM I READING

↳charles_leclerc asking myself the same question @/maxverstappen1

↳arthur_leclerc too much information

↳carlossainz55 Does it mean I don't have to keep the secret anymore?

maxverstappen1 Delete this post

↳y/n_verstappen no ❤️

josverstappen7 Gelukkig nieuwjaar maar ik vind deze fotos niet leuk*

↳y/n_verstappen wtf @/maxverstappen1

*happy new year but I don't like these photos

landonorris I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter, she is the best thing that's ever been mine

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y/n_verstappen *not so* careful, but you get a point for Taylor Swift lyrics

↳landonorris I'm literally in love with you

↳y/n_verstappen surely not more than I am in love with you ❤️

↳charles_leclerc cringe

↳arthur_leclerc cringe

↳oscarpiastri cringe

↳logansargeant cringe

↳yourfriend1 shut up all of you

y/n_verstappen btw just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I can't kill you for posting the third pic

↳landonorris pls you'd never

↳y/n_verstappen I still have the screenshot that could make Max crash into you 🔫

carlossainz55 Finally, I was starting to worry

↳username2 WAR IS OVER 😭

oscarpiastri So happy for you guys!

↳landonorris double date when?

maxverstappen1 You're the only person I'd accept as my brother in law

↳landonorris thanks champ xx 🙏

↳username3 HE'S SO SASSY I CANT-

↳charles_leclerc what about @/arthur_leclerc? I thought you liked him, I thought we had plans

↳y/n_verstappen YOU HAD PLANS?

↳arthur_leclerc YOU HAD PLANS?

↳landonorris YOU HAD PLANS?

username5 I'd love to see Y/n and Arthur as a couple, but I'm so happy for her and Lando 😭

↳username3 nahhh Y/n and Arthur totally have besties vibe, siblings even, can't imagine them as a couple

username1 okay guys so do you think they speak dutch or english when they're alone?

↳username3 Do you think Lando can speak dutch well enough?

↳username1 well, I don't know, just wondering, but he's half Belgian

↳username5 I imagine their conversations to be mostly english mixed with dutch and french, very chaotic and people around don't get anything they say

↳yourfriend1 I can confirm this, it's very frustrating for a person who knows only english

↳username1 does Y/n know french?

↳y/n_verstappen I was forced to learn both french AND italian hanging out with Charles and Arthur, and with Lando I speak mostly english, but I try to mix some dutch into it, however no french here because I'm traumatized <3

↳username1 aaaaaa we love a multilingual queen 🫶

↳username3 so now Lando learns dutch for both his mother and his girlfriend 🥹

↳y/n_verstappen he has a lot to learn, but at least his flemish accent is kinda cute!!

[drdemonprince]

Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?

I would recommend being more specific.

People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.

When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.

In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.

So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.

The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.

Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.

It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.

[glitter-stained]

Oh I see you also wanted to see Jason abusing benzos after Gotham War. Good taste etc.

Anyway, I've given some thought about how that could end up happening, and... Well, for starters, I think this:

Should have consequences!

Maybe Jason takes more time to push through the fear and rescue the girl, and she ends up in the hospital, or maybe she dies (I'm always advocating for them both to die here, but in this situation, I thinking - she inhales a lot of smoke, has to go to the hospital, stays there in critical condition).

Anyway, Jason wouldn't have started abusing benzos just because of himself, but if affects his vigilantism? If it put other people at risk? Yeah, then he's gonna do it.

Alternatively, maybe he even tries to step back from vigilantism, because his condition is putting more people in risk than he not being there at all, and then ends up in the emergency as a civilian and there he is given alprazolam/diazepam/some other benzodiazepine and it works (somewhat? I won't try to understand how comic book logic for body modifications would interact with real world drugs). So afterwards Jason is like... "Hmmmmm this could make me functional again 👍 interesting" and there you go, that's the beginning of his descent into benzos abuse :/

I was about to say "Jason needs to abuse benzos because with the vicious circle of adrenaline/panic attacks he will die" but then I realised this man has the survival instinct of a lemming so your theory is much better, I do think he would take them to be able to continue vigilantism.

I don't want the little girl to die, not because I don't think you're right, but because it makes me too sad. With that being said, I've been considering some things:

-Jason died (his first death) of smoke inhalation

-PTSD is associated with memory issues regarding the event (not an erasure of the moment so much as distorsions, issues with memories, details remembered wrong or incoherently...) Add to that the fear failsafe and the fact that on top of being a traumatic event, this scene could be triggering to him, and Jason does dissociate sometimes (which in extreme case can be linked to "memory" issues when you're not aware of what's happening, ie because you're trapped in a flashback).

-with the rest of the Gotham War storyline happening, Jason had no opportunity to follow-up and take her to the hospital

Put all of that together in the shaker, and you have the perfect cocktail for a Jason overwhelmed by doubt because he can't remember whether the little girl survived.

And then

AND THEN that's where it gets interesting, because the fun thing about benzos is aside from all the other shitty side-effects those drugs, esp in high quantities, can cause temporary memory loss (kinda like when you get black-out drunk). So I'm picturing a Jason addicted to benzos, horrified at the idea of ending up like his mother but not even chemically capable of feeling afraid of it, always wondering if he failed to save that little girl, and with chunks of missing time... I like to think he'd dissociate more often too, as a reaction to the anxiety on top of that, so there's the horror of having his memory full of holes, feeling like he's living a half-life, not being sure of anything...

And, well. When you find a traumatized young man with such dangerous skills, memory issues, attachment issues and such evident vulnerability... There's a lot of things you can do with a man like that. A lot of things you can make them believe, make them feel, make them think.

[carrionofamurderprey]

In Defense of Nancy Wheeler,

a short collection of thoughts concocted by someone who is very used to defending a character that is shitted on and misunderstood by half the fandom and victimized by poor writing choices.

1.) In Defense of her being a bad friend

"she abandoned barb and that's why she died"

principally... a shitty thing to do, but i'd ARGUE it was a lapse of judgement that literally triggers her entire character arc. HEAR ME..

and a weaker, but still valid argument that does not excuse her decision, but is fair nonetheless.. how was she supposed to know barb was going to get swallowed up by an inter dimensional monster in the pool???… just saying. JUST SAYING.

Like I mentioned, it triggered a huge character arc for Nancy. Nancy felt awful that Barb went missing, and she recognized her faults. This guilt and confusion toward the tragedy led her to other realizations, like the state of her relationship, who Steve is as a person, and her own identity. My girl had a lot on her plate and she paid her debts in FULL solving Hawkins mysteries to not only compensate for what happened to Barb, but protect her friends and family!!!!!!

Don’t even get me started on how she felt not being able to tell Barb’s parents once she found out what really happened. Must’ve been awful.

2.) In defense of her shitty love triangle (my biggest point arguably)

everyone who hates her because of the love triangle she's subjected to are (and i’m sorry to say it but not really,) stupid. her character is obviously trying to break out of being central to a love triangle, but the writers can not for the life of them figure out what to do with steve and jonathan past s3 developmentally, which keeps her stuck in that place.

Nancy is so badass and has so much potential.

Someone also pointed out the underlying misogynistic issue of keeping women’s development “at bay,”— whether it be intentional or not!!— by having their entire importance dependent on male characters. That’s a post for another day, though.

and i'd like to point out she's not in a place like el, who is also in a canon love triangle, but also completely able to realize and explore her independence after catalysts (being friends with max, breaking up with mike).

THIS IS BECAUSE SHE HASNT HAD THE CHANCE TO BE AUTHENTICALLY ALONE AND REALIZE THE IMPACT OF HER OWN CATALYSTS (barb incident, solving hawkins mysteries)!

nancy’s character— to me and many others feels like she is given the illusion of choice by the writers. nancy in her love triangle is more like mike in his. she is not given the same opportunity to branch out, and is instead stuck choosing between two people, like mike. el's only choice is mike or herself. despite both being female characters that discover their independence, nancy isn't far enough on the receiving end to have her own arc.

Now logically, Nancy could branch out and be alone, and so could Mike. However, just like Mike is set up to be in love with Will, Nancy is set up to be in love with her male interests. Whereas this is sets a tone of freedom and accomplishment for Mike’s character, this.. to me, sets a tone of imprisonment and stillness for Nancy’s.

Final: There is still hope for Nance in s5

i would really like to see more parallels between these two friendships in season 5. like el and max, robin and nancy didn't start off being best friends!!

nancy was standoffish toward robin like el was with max, and they both reacted that way because of a boy, but then slowly realized they valued their female friendship more than romance.

this friendship helped el escape vecna and the idea that she needs approval from the males in her life.

i think it would be cool if they didsomething like that with robin and nancy instead of keeping her at such a stand still with steve and jonathan in the final season.

FIN🤌🏾

[who-is-page]

hi. seeing people talk about physically shapeshifting and that there’s a category of humans with like powers called supernaturals- shapeshifters, dragons, real vampires that need energy/blood, etc in such a matter of fact way is making me feel strange. there is no proof and science says otherwise, but there is a huge community claiming these experiences and they even have history/lore and that others have witnessed their shifts. is this objectively true and possible in the collective shared reality, or are these individuals experiencing psychosis without double book keeping or something? yes their experience is real to them but is it real in the collectively perceivable scientifically possible way? will diving into this be diving into delusional thinking and be risky for me? at what point does something need to be tagged unreality? I support everyone and their self expression, including folk with delusions that cannot dbk, but what is real? the amount of people claiming this and guides on everything make it seem like it must be real especially since they say it’s not a delusion. but is that just bc they can’t double book keep? this many people just happen to have the same delusion? I cannot diagnose people, and I don’t want to be ableist by saying it may be a delusion, but if it isn’t then what is it? what else do you call it? genuinely. I don’t know.

follow up question- it is not morally wrong if someone is experiencing a delusion without double book keeping and genuinely believes they can pshift. but people say pshifters are like intentionally harmful to other people because of how they talk about it. but what if they just talk about it as capital R Reality real and possible to achieve because they are experiencing a delusion and can’t help but talk about it like this bc it’s real to them? is the issue that they are unaware and unintentionally harming others or is there a specific intentional way they are talking about it different that is not excusable by delusions? I’m just trying to learn what people mean when they say they are bad bc I don’t want to be ableist about it /gen

---

This is....a lot of questions jammed into just a couple of asks, so I'll do my best to answer the main focus of them.

Look, at the end of the day regarding "is it a delusion? is it RealTM? are they just fucking lying?" I want to say that it just kind of fundamentally...doesn't actually matter?

The problem with self-identified p-shifters isn't that they're making claims that they can physically shapeshift or that they have physical nonhuman aspects. Physical nonhumans are fine (and are in this discussion a separate thing from p-shifters, because "p-shifter" is a very specific term with a specific history). The problem is that:

Telling a group of dysphoric individuals that they CAN be their true selves in an otherwise completely impossible way if they just try hard enough, and that any issue to do so is because of a personal failing (you didn't want it enough, you didn't try hard enough, etc.) is just kind of a shitty thing to do. It's also potentially dangerous.

The above idea has most notably been used to manipulate, scam, con, and hurt people by folks who have self-labeled as p-shifters. This is why so many folks are leery of the term "p-shifter." This doesn't mean that people who identify as p-shifters are inherently going to do any of that, but it can come across a lot of the time as though modern self-identified p-shifters are just handwaving that history--at least, that's how it appears to me, but maybe it's just me.

The ways that p-shifters talk about their experiences in capital R reality (without getting into the weeds of "is it true/it is real/are they just lying") are extremely triggering to delusional nonhumans, which is something that endels have talked more at length about; see babydog's post here.

The division between ignorance (do they just not know) and malice (do they just not care) doesn't matter here, imo. I also personally don't think p-shifting is real, because if it was, I don't think the otherkin and therian communities would actually exist-- because we'd all fuck off and go be animals in the woods. That, and the ye olde science side of Tumblr went out of their way to break it down and debunk it so, so many years ago: Biologyweeps even had a dedicated p-shifting right past the laws of physics tag, back in the day. But that's just my take on things.

[violetjedisylveon]

Oh I’ve got an idea for your Forgotten Moon au:

Wukong doesn’t actively try to interact with Macaque feeling he doesn’t deserve to after he basically caused Macaque’s death twice, but somehow, someway they always bump into each other.

While Macaque feels a strong urge to connect with Wukong every time they do bump into each other.

Wukong tries his hardest to keep a distance but unfortunately he can’t say no to his moon (after all the pain he caused he can’t stand the idea of making him sad again in any capacity).

It’s these interactions that cause Macaque to gain back his memories, mostly as flashes, sometimes as dreams.

But it’s during the fight with either the camel ridge trio or Xiangliu, that brings Macaque’s full memories back, as he instinctively jumps in front of an attack to protect Wukong, which causes everything to flood back in.

Once Macaque’s memories are back he’s stunned that they could be retrieved and that it was his “unexplained” need to be near Wukong that triggered it (in a way proving to him that he and Wukong were always meant to be in each other’s lives).

And yes as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he appreciates that Wukong respected his wishes, and didn’t try forcibly bringing him back.

Wukong gets all the points for respecting Macaque's autonomy and choices.

He definitely panics with the almost divine level of frequency for bumping into him and is starting to question if someone is messing with him. And it's even more distressing because Macaque is so nice and friendly and he just keeps noping out of there immediately.

Poor Macaque, he just wants to be the cool monkey man's friend and the guy keeps avoiding him, he's making him sad 😢

And I don't know what's funnier, Macaque still vehemently hating Peng and not knowing why, or Macaque having neutral feelings on the bird until they do shitty stuff.

I think his memories would be back probably after the pillar is fixed in season 5

Monkey man does not get trapped and goes with the crew.

Now Wukong can't escape him, and there's a limited number of beds on the truck 😈

Macaque is happy to cuddle with the walking hot pocket monkey, it feels familiar and comforting in the face of the world ending, and Wukong is just blue screening.

The monkeys do get to hold hands! No Snake Boi interference!

I think after his memories came back, macaque plays it normal like nothing is different to see how long it takes for them to realize he's messing with them, he's very refreshed and less cynical after the memories are back too, so pranking his ex mate soon to be mate again is the way to go.

How long do you think he'll be able to keep it up before doubling over laughing?

Thanks for this, it was definitely a mood lifter after writing babies getting murdered, that bummed me out.

[scarabsinthestardust]

Right on Time // Ch. 1

MASTERLIST

word count: 2400+

When I wrote this initially, I had no idea where I was going with it or where we were coming from with Tender, so I can't help but feeling like the start is kinda rough. But if you bear with me, big things are coming. So let's get this party started!

Also, I'm a sucker for strange and unique names. So sue me.

WARNINGS: drinking, language, serious physical injury/stabbing, blood (I am not a trained medical professional and I have no formal training - I don't have any idea how any of this works, but we're just playing pretend here), slight anxiety/nervousness, coming-out stories, some mention of a shitty ex, a teeny-tiny spoiler for the Better in the Morning universe that I haven't actually written yet, but I don't think it's anything shocking, and some general cheesiness and dumb dialogue

EXTRA WARNING AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a direct sequel to Tender, taking place about a year after the last chapter. While not the focus of the primary relationship, we will still see Finn, and this will still contain ***DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and DOMESTIC ABUSE***. Parts of it will be extremely violent. Each chapter will still have its individual warnings. If these topics are triggering or difficult for you, proceed with caution or don't read.

The bar was crowded tonight; someone was throwing a bachelor party, and the attendees were wasted. The sounds of rock music, clattering of pool balls as they were struck, and overlapping chatter filled the space. I headed to the bar, ordered my favorite, a Salty Dog, and pulled out my phone to pass the time. Someone squeezed into a space next to me to wave down the bartender.

“Another Salty Dog, please.”

I pulled my eyes from my phone and lifted my own drink. “Excellent taste.”

The stranger beamed at me, all pearly whites with a tiny gap between his top two teeth. “I’d be remiss if I drank anything else.”

Judging by his accent, he wasn’t a Tennessee native- maybe Midwestern? He had a mop of fluffy curls, the sides of his head neatly shaved, exposing an assortment of silver jewelry adoring his ears, and the biggest brown doe eyes. He almost seemed to blush when our eyes met.

“You here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah. My brothers are over there. You?” His eyes travelled down, checking out my tattooed arms before landing on the rainbow band around my wrist.

“Just waiting on some friends from work.”

“Good. I was worried you might be with that shitshow over there.” He gestured to the bachelor party attendees. They were all yelling, trying to get the attention of any female within earshot, and one was now climbing on top of a pool table and grabbing at the light fixtures. Two bouncers were making their way over to the crowd.

I grimaced. “I have a feeling it’s about to get so much worse. I feel bad for the poor girl that’s about to marry one of those idiots.” The stranger laughed, an admittedly cute laugh. He had received his drink, but he hadn’t made a move to return to his brothers yet. He was lingering.

“Well,” he started cautiously, “if your friends are gonna be a while, you’re welcome to come join us for a game of pool.” The bar’s lighting made it difficult to see clearly, but he was definitely blushing now and had a flirty smile on his face. His eyes travelled back to my bracelet, maybe to make sure it was still there, before shooting me a knowing glance. The message didn’t go unnoticed.

I hadn’t planned on picking up or hooking up with anyone tonight, but there was no harm in spending some time with someone new. Did it matter if that someone happened to be especially attractive? “I think I could take you up on that, if you’re sure your brothers won’t mind the extra company.”

“Nah, they won’t mind. I’m Josh, by the way.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Josh. I’m Cairo.” I flashed a smile at him and could have sworn I saw him swoon.

“Cairo? Like the city?”

Chuckling, I said, “Yeah, and it’s my real name. Scout’s honor. My mom kept with the theme for my brother and sister, too.”

Whatever Josh was going to say next was interrupted by some extremely loud yelling and the sound of glass breaking, followed shortly after by a man’s pained screams. One of the party goers stumbled through the crowd before collapsing to the ground. There was a large piece of glass stuck in the left side of his neck, just above his collarbone.

“Oh, shit.” I pushed off the bar and bolted towards the crowd, reaching him just as the man attempted to yank the glass free. A bouncer was shouting into his cell phone, asking for an ambulance. I used one hand to grab the man’s arm and the other to apply pressure around the wound. Between shouting orders to a bystander to bring a towel, and another to help hold the hysterical man, I steadily talked to him, a mixture of trying to keep him calm and instructing him to not pull the glass out. His previous attempt to remove it, though, jarred it enough that blood was still pouring out, soaking the towel that eventually came and was being pressed to the wound. Alcohol is blood thinner, after all.

The man was quickly losing color and starting to slip into unconsciousness, but at least he wasn’t flailing anymore. Thankfully, he was still breathing when the ambulance arrived, and the paramedics took over. One of them shot me a look. “You’re supposed to be off duty.”

I let out a forced laugh. “Tell that to this guy.”

The police weren’t far behind, quick to cuff the attacker as EMS loaded up the injured man. I sighed as I peered at the blood staining my shirt and covering my hands. When I returned to the bar to grab my jacket, Josh was still there, staring at me with wide eyes. “So, that was wild. And you… are covered in blood.”

I laughed nervously. “Uh… yeah. I’m a paramedic.” I shrugged. “Comes with the territory sometimes.”

“Gross.” Josh had a playful grin on his face. “But it was nice talking to you. If you wanna… maybe I could get your number and we could continue the conversation later?” Josh tried to hide his nervousness as he waited for my reply, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

A little taken aback that Josh was still even slightly interested, despite the fresh coating of someone else’s blood, I blinked at him in confusion. “I… yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. If you’re sure.”

“’Course I’m sure.” Josh pulled his phone out and typed in the number as I spoke it, not wanting to touch and contaminate my own phone. “There. Now you have mine, too.” I had just met this man, knew next to nothing about him, but the soft smile on his face was all it took, and I was wrapped around his finger.

~

When I arrived at the restaurant, my date was already seated at a booth in the corner. He looked so pretty in the dim light, and he was bouncing his knee, although out of anxiousness or boredom I wasn’t sure. He smiled widely when I came into view, the very corners of his eyes crinkling up. “Hey, you.”

“Hey.” I took the seat across from him.

“Glad to see you are, in fact, not covered in someone else’s blood today.”

“I’d very much like to keep it that way, too,” I laughed.

“Well, I come here a lot, and people don’t frequently get stabbed in the jugular, so you’ll probably be fine.”

“Good to know.” The waiter came to take our drink orders, and the conversation continued smoothly. “So, you know what I do. What about you?”

“Uh, I’m in a rock bad. We actually just got back from tour a few weeks ago. Greta Van Fleet?”

“I guess I’ll have to check it out.” It wasn’t really shocking. We were in the music capital of the country; running into famous musicians was fairly common. And he didn’t seem put off in the slightest that I hadn’t heard of the band. And it might be safe to assume that it was easier that way. It would give us both a chance to get to know each other, without the unrealistic expectations that fans tend to place on their idols.

“How long have you been a paramedic?”

“Eight years. I started out as a firefighter, and then figured out that I actually am terrified of running into burning buildings.”

“I can see how that could be a problem.” He smirked. “You like what you do?”

“I love it. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. And how does the rockstar life treat you?”

“Oh, it’s awesome. I mean, it can be exhausting and being gone a lot can make certain things… difficult.” He smiled, although a little sadly. I imagine dating wasn’t always easy. “But it’s so rewarding. We get to travel and spread the love wherever we go and to all the really beautiful people we meet. Plus, we’ve gotten to meet so many amazing musicians, ones we grew up on. Metallica? That was an experience. And I’m not gonna lie, I swooned when I met Billy Idol. Seriously, it doesn’t matter how famous we get, throw me in front of one of the big guns, one of the legends, it’s like I’m a nervous, awkward teenager again. But that’s why it’s such an awe-inspiring feeling when they’re down to earth, like we can function on the same level. This one time on tour, Dave Grohl walked into our tour bus…”

I listened intently as he raved about his experiences, and I was hanging onto every word. The guy hardly stopped to take a breath, and I was intrigued. I probably could have listened to him talk all night, and it was nice getting to see the things that made him happy, excited him.

At the end of a story, he trailed off and got quiet. Blushing, he averted his eyes to the table. “Sorry, sometimes I don’t know when the shut the hell up.”

“Don’t be. It’s endearing.” He perked up at the compliment. “Besides, you have interesting stories to tell, and I’d like to hear them.”

“If the other night was any indication, I’m sure you’ve got loads of interesting stories yourself.”

I laughed dryly. “I promise, most of the calls we respond to aren’t nearly as exciting. But if you wanna hear about little old ladies with low blood sugar, I’ve got plenty to talk about.”

We chatted throughout dinner, never a lull in the conversation. We talked about music – I’m a bit set in my ways and primarily stick to rock made before 1990 – and the yearly cabin trips Josh would take with his brothers and bandmates so they could focus on writing. He asked about my tattoos, and I gave a brief synopsis of the stories behind all the colorful ink; some were sentimental, and some were along the lines of ‘I don’t know, I just really like sharks.’ There was laughter laced into everything, and I found myself slipping further and further as the night wore on, getting lost in those big brown eyes.

After dinner, neither of us was ready to call it a night, and we decided to take a walk through the nearby park. He told me about his brothers and sister-in-law, and raved about his two-year old niece. When he inquired about my family, he seemed to tread carefully, almost like he was afraid to ask too many questions. But I didn’t have anything to hide on that front, so I shared stories about my sister and my own niece, now six. I talked a little about my brother but explained that we weren’t close and didn’t talk much. We had never gotten along well, even as kids.

“Are you, uh… out? To your parents? Or…” Another question he tried to ask gently, in case it was a sensitive topic.

“Yeah, they’re cool with it. I came out when I was 14. My idiot brother had just knocked a girl up so dad was just happy he wouldn’t have to worry about that. My mom… she can be a little abrasive, but looking back on it, it was pretty funny.” I put on my most exaggerated Italian New Yorker accent and imitated the conversation as I remembered it. “She said, ‘And I like to steal sauce cups from restaurants. What, are we just telling each other fun facts about ourselves? I’ve known you were gay since you were six, and you still gotta do the fuckin’ dishes.’”

This made Josh cackle, almost uncontrollably. “Oh my God, that’s fucking hilarious.” Once he caught his breath, he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “My coming out story just involved a lot of crying and hugging.”

“Nothing wrong with that. We got lucky.” We shared a silent understanding, and no words were needed to elaborate. An equally silent prayer was put out for all the queer kids that didn’t get to experience the love they deserved.

Josh tentatively looped an arm with mine. I figure that being a famous musician came with thousands of fans, male and female alike, that would have killed for a chance to be where I was right now. Fans were one thing, groupies another, but that was a bridge we’d cross later. I’d never been one for bitter or unreasonable jealousy, and I hadn’t technically claimed him yet. We’d see how the night went.

“You got any crazy exes I should know about?” I meant it as a joke, aiming to get a laugh out of him, but the way his face fell and he dropped his gaze to the ground made me realize I might have made a mistake. “I… sorry. I was just kidding. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

He looked up and gave me a half smile. “Yeah, sorry. I’m… I’m having a really good night and I don’t wanna talk about him. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I hope I haven’t fucked everything up already.”

Another smile. That was a good sign. “Nah, I think you still have a pretty good chance.” His slightly awkward wink pulled a chuckle out of me. I was curious, now, about what had happened between him and his ex. Part of me only wanted to make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes. Maybe one day I’d hear the story, but it definitely wasn’t first date material.

The night wore on, into slightly late hours, before we made the trek back to where we’d left our cars. Neither one of us wanted the evening to end, and we found quite a few ways to stall, until Josh wasn’t able to stifle a yawn. He didn’t make an effort to hide his pout either, when I told him he should probably go home and get some rest.

“Is it safe to assume you might be up for a second date?”

“Hm,” he feigned uncertainty. “I think I could probably manage that. What’s your schedule like?”

After some working between his plans and my 24-hour shifts, we settled on a day. “Then it’s a date,” I said.

“Okay. Can I kiss you?”

I let out a soft laugh. “I would like that.”

Josh placed a soft hand on the side of my face as we leaned in, lips meeting in a gentle kiss. I’d be lying if I claimed not to feel an immediate spark. He fit perfectly against me, and I wished we could stay like that all night. It felt natural, like we’d known each other forever; he felt like home.

///

TAGLIST Let me know if you want to be added!

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka @lilbitx

[delusional-fantasising]

Hii Purple Cat! I have an idea for you (one you don’t have to write btw just offer your own thoughts and input) and it’s an angsty one!

So basically, I’ve had this HC that Noah’s father was extremely schizophrenic as well as abusive whenever he had episodes and was completely off medication, so episodes were often.

And with these episodes, Noah grew up with a terrifying fear of ever becoming like this father. Similar to Mirage, who I think, back in Cybertron — had a pretty abusive mentor who trained him and other autobots to be a spy. But Mirage was the “favorite”.

Now, hear me out. Imagine Noah’s family play a prank on him by locking him in the bathroom. Well not his family specifically, more like Kris. And yeah, Noah is playing along but he does have stuff to do and does get increasingly agitated the longer he’s in there.

And then, Kris goes “Fine, I’ll get you out of there” and calls Noah by their father’s name.

And it’s just silence and Noah’s like “…What did you just call me?” and his breathing gets heavier, he’s triggered and nothing stopped him from hitting his fist on the door and yelling “FUCK YOU.” to his 11 year old brother.

And it’s heartbreaking, because when Brenna heard that, a thought crossed her mind that her husband was back in the house and not in a good mood before she remembers he left. Because nobody’s heard someone screaming “fuck you” for a long time.

And of course, this scares Kris and he goes to get the key to let his brother out. They’re both stammering apologies but when Noah raises his hand, just to probably lean on the doorway or scratch the nape of his neck; Kris flinches.

Kris flinched at him.

And that made Noah feel so shitty.

And with Mirage, something similar happened. He was in a situation, clearly uncomfortable but wouldn’t say anything since the rest of the autobots were having fun and when he keeps asking to leave and gets stern about him, Optimus or Bumblebee try to make a joke.

Optimus by calling Mirage by his mentor’s name (he and the mentor knew each other) and Bumblebee by even mimicking the mentor’s voice.

And hearing that, literally just hearing a phrase and it’s poorly mimicked and doesn’t even sound like the mentor but it doesn’t stop Mirage from yelling something very similar to “fuck you” in cybertronian, at the same time the “mentor” does too.

And it’s crazy because ever since being on Earth, Mirage seemed to already know the language and hasn’t spoken any Cybertronian ever since the autobots have known him.

So yeah, take these two scenarios as you will :p

Holy smokes i thought I answered this a long ass time ago i am so sorry but once I finish up a few things I will write this because I can picture this really well. I truly think that the ship Miroah was built off of being parallels of each other though

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[once-i-stay-in-neverland]

Minsung fic recs Part 4: "straight" character

In the fics in this list either Minho or Jisung thinks he's straight until he meets the other one or something else happens between them. Naturally all of these fics deal with a sexual awakening, some with a sexuality crisis and they contain different levels of angst. Additional comments by me are in brackets and italics [like this]

Han Jisung's Guide to Heterosexuality by Cyrech | 76'297 words (on going) | Mature

Jisung finds that with night time, he loses a lot of his common sense. Not in the sense that he does anything risky or harmful, but that he becomes curious about things he would never be interested in during the day time. The most recent example of this was anime fanfiction and, well, look at him now. So it can't really be blamed on him when, at the ungodly hour of 2:15am, he starts searching for idol fanfiction. Technically, it's Changbin's fault for putting the idea in his head to begin with. Or, Han Jisung is a completely straight, heterosexual man. Definitely.

[an on going fic that's super cute and super hilarious]

2. Astray In The Closet by booberstank | 188'227 words | Explicit

“Woah!” Jisung said just as Minho was about to press their lips together. He pushed Minho back a little bit as he felt his heart rate accelerating. “I’m straight! I don’t! I’m not! No!” “Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Minho laughed, putting a little space between them and taking his hand from Jisung to rub the back of his hair as he smiled bashfully. “I don’t… Why did you think I was gay?” Jisung asked, his eyes wide and brow furrowed as he started to worry. “I didn’t look at you and think ‘he looks gay, I’m gonna kiss him’ I looked at you and thought ‘he looks pretty, I’m gonna try and kiss him’.” “Oh…” Jisung breathed. - Jisung struggled to fit in, to feel normal and to flow with the rest of the world. He knew he liked women, of course he did. So why when he met Minho did everything become so much better and worse all at once? - Or; Jisung is in denial about his sexuality, and Minho makes it hard to keep denying. So hard that it triggers a breakdown and poor decisions.

[heavy angst, lots of internalised homophobia and internalised ableism, Jisung is autistic, also plenty of shitty behaviour and harmful coping mechanisms]

3. mind in the gutter, heart in your hands by iamnotme (alpha_exodus) | 12'221 words | Explicit

There are too many people at Chan's birthday party. Thankfully for Jisung, Minho is one of them. Even though Jisung is straight, he slowly starts to find himself more comfortable with Minho hitting on him - maybe a little too comfortable.

[silly meet-cute :))]

4. all the pretty stars by orphan_account | 14'241 words | Explicit

Straight guys aren’t supposed to like their roommate’s lips on their neck. Jisung does.

[this one's also rather silly]

5. Does Lee Minho want to fuck me, question mark by ddeonddun | 34'042 words | Explicit

Jisung thinks he found a weird similarity in who his best friend Lee Minho chooses to sleep with. They all look like him. Does that mean he wants to fuck him, too? He decides to investigate to prove his theory by putting an unsuspecting Minho through different tests. Chan disagrees, but this isn’t about him.

[this is also silly but has some serious moments as well and minsung are super cute and cuddly in this one]

6. pathos prairie by mrehk | 33'333 words | Explicit

Would Minho have sex with him? Would he want to? The thought turns Jisung’s stomach. He doesn’t want Minho to get the wrong idea about why he comes here, why he’s meeting up with him. “I’m straight,” he blurts, without prompting, heartbeat heavy in his fingers, his cheeks, behind his eyes. Minho twists around so that the chains of his swing are crossed, staring Jisung dead on with his eyebrows raised. “Um. Okay? I’m not trying to sleep with you.” Shame burns deep in Jisung’s insides, through the cavity of his chest, between his bones. “I–I know,” he stutters. “I’m–” swallowing back bile, something sharp. “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” (OR: Han Jisung, Lee Minho, & Mutually Assured Destruction)

[I really like how deliberately this was written, there was clearly a lot of thought and care put into this fic; strangers to friends to lovers, lots of angst; definitely one of the best minsung fics out there]

more fic rec lists:

Minsung:

Part 1: Pure Fluff (Smut-free and mostly Angst-free)

Part 2: Asexual character

Part 3: Fake Dating

Part 5: Friends with benefits to lovers

Part 6: Some more Masterpieces

[machinesonix]

Gang, I love the Harkonnens. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t endorse the Harknonnens, but there is something really refreshing about unsanitized villains. They aren’t inhuman slaves to Morgoth, they aren’t seeking restitution for some sort of childhood trauma with dalmatians, they are just shitty, weird people and we get to talk about how those people think without trying to excuse it. What really made me fall in love is the sheer alien weirdness of Geidi Prime in the 1984 movie, and if you haven’t seen that I really recommend you check that out. I feel like there should be some sort of trigger warning, but I don’t really know how I’d tag it so use your best discretion. Today I want to zoom in on a Harkonnen scene towards the end of the first book that I personally would like to see in some sort of extended cut. Let’s dig in.

I’m gonna start off by reminding everyone about the most famous scene in the franchise right at the beginning. You know it. The pain box. ‘I hold at your neck the gom jabbar, it’s poison kills only animals.’ Mohaim is testing Paul’s ability to delay gratification by threatening to stab him with a poison needle if he pulls out of the pain box. We've all seen the memes. Now let's talk about Feyd.

In the book, the whole un-drugged gladiator thing was Feyd's own doing. See, Feyd's family doesn't take him very seriously. He's been chosen as the na-Baron because he's got charisma and he'll look like the savior of Arakkis after Rabban and Vladimir, but he’s a big showboater that has all his fights rigged. By conspiring with Thufir to get a real Atredies soldier into the arena with him, he is forcing his family to realize how important he is to them. If something happens to him, everything goes up in smoke. But he's also given a chance to demonstrate that he is competent (even if he's cheating with a poisoned blade and some selective brainwashing of the undrugged slave.) The seduction with Lady Fenrig happens off screen, but I think in both Herbert and Villinueve's telling of the story, both of these show us this conflict Feyd has with the pressures of his family whether they're tests from the Baron or something he does to himself in response to those pressures. Finally, and most importantly to Feyd, when the Baron executes his slavemaster for slipping up with the gladiators, the next slavemaster is on Feyd's payroll.

Years down the line the Baron finds a poison needle hidden on one of his slave boys and immediately knows what's up. Feyd is trying to claim the Baron's seat and he's been planning on it ever since He calls Feyd in to make him watch as his entire staff and harem is executed on a whim. Here's where we get the absolute juicy thematic inversion. This shit makes me salivate in a way I might want to talk with a therapist about. The Baron says ‘Feyd, you know what this whole poison needle business tells me? You don't know where your priorities are. I am working on setting up the Harkonnens for generations to come and you're so laser focused on the inheritance you haven’t put any thought into what comes next. So stop trying to kill me and let's talk about your future.’

Feyd-Rautha is, by Bene Gesserit standards, an animal. In the Villinueve film we kinda skirt around the idea by hearing he's such a weirdo that the nerve induction gets him off, but I think this scene here really helps to illustrate why Paul might be the Kwizatz Haderach and Feyd has no shot. They've both got the genetics and the ability to win over a crowd. Nobody saw it coming, but the Kwizatz Haderach's ultimate purpose is to wage the war that will literally end all wars, you'd think Feyd-Murder-For-Fun-Rautha would be a shoe-in to traumatize humanity to violence once and for all. But the fact he'd be good at it is what makes him ineligible. The Kwizatz Haderach can't be someone who thinks in the short term. If Paul didn't have the big picture in mind, he would have fled from the violent future he saw himself being responsible for. If Feyd were in his shoes, there is no way he could stop from getting lost in the sauce. Feyd orchestrated his own gom jabbar in the attempt on his uncle's life, and he failed. Even if he saw the same path to save humanity, he'd have too many opportunities to indulge his glory seeking.

[mha-grievances]

Sorry for not being on in, like, forever. Life’s just gotten in the way.

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. What I really wanted to focus on is something I’ve been thinking a lot on lately, and that’s the idea of asshole characters.

Obviously asshole characters come in all shapes and sizes. Each have their own motivations for being an asshole and/or unfriendly individual. Katsuki, Shota, and Hitoshi are asshole characters themselves, but why is it that I dislike them so much?

At first I thought I didn’t like asshole characters in general. However, I then remembered that there are several characters people would classify as assholes/unfriendly individuals that are characters I adore. Lysithea from Fire Emblem 2 Houses and Natsuki from Doki Doki Literature Club are characters who are rough around the edges and aren’t nice to people immediately. The reasons behind their behavior aren’t too far off from why Shota and Hitoshi act the way they do, that being trauma, so why am I able to look past their behavior and not that of Shota and Hitoshi? With Katsuki, it’s obvious, but the other two had me scratching my head for a bit.

The answer, outside of the fact that Lysithea and Natsuki are multi-layered characters written far better than Shota and Hitoshi, is that the girls are REACTIVE assholes while Hitoshi and Shota are ACTIVE assholes.

What do I mean by that? Well both Lysithea and Natsuki for the most part keep to themselves. Something that someone does ends up causing them to snap. For Lysithea, it’s when she feels that her time is being wasted after someone approaches her about something irrelevant. For Natsuki, it’s a defensive mechanism triggered by a perceived attack on her character. Now, is that an excuse for their behavior? No. There are better ways to defend yourself and to get people to stop talking to you, but it’s at least understandable that they’d snap due to their traumas.

Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota aren’t like that. When they’re an asshole, it isn’t because they’re provoked into being one by someone else’s actions, but because they’re the ones doing the provoking. Katsuki’s rude and aggressive to everyone around him, choosing to make the life of another boy absolutely miserable without any provocation. Hitoshi decides to mock 1-A and issue his “challenge” not because anyone approached him, but because he himself is looking for trouble. Yeah, Katsuki gave off a shitty first impression, but Hitoshi already was planning on challenging 1-A from the beginning. Shota’s the one who controls his teaching style and is a position of authority. Rather than do his job, he’d rather tear someone down.

Am I supposed to sympathize with these so-called heroes? I for the life of me can’t seem to do so. Meanwhile, with characters like Lysithea and Natsuki, I can because they don’t mean to be an asshole, it’s just that they want to be left alone.

Now, am I saying reactive assholes are better characters than proactive assholes? No. Proactive assholes can have great character development. The problem is that proactive assholes are tougher to warm up to, especially when they’re meant to characters the audience is meant to root for. MHA’s writing does nothing TO make people want to root for these guys. They’re just assholes who wanna throw their weight around and never receive punishment for it/are called out for it. Hell, MHA seems to think these characters ARE in the right for being the way they are and/or doesn’t take the fact that they are assholes seriously (looking at you Katsuki).

Anyways, I thought I’d write this up to really explain more of my thought process and why Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota bother me so much whereas I find myself adoring characters such as Lysithea and Natsuki.

[oodlyenough]

6-4 turnabout storyteller

well, i hated this case. lmao

fundamentally my issue with this case is two things. first, the pacing of this game is terrible, because after you end 6-3 with the main plot kicking off in khura'in, you inexplicably get punted into a tutorial-style one-day-only nothingburger case with no relevance to anything. this is just such an absurd way to structure the narrative.

second, the fact that it's an athena case with simon as co-counsel is insult to injury, because WHY is athena's only case in this game the nothingburger case with no relevance to anything, shoehorned in to ruin the pacing?!?!?!?! on top of that, the whole "arc" they put her in here is ... her being insecure and being condescended to by all the men in the room because she's a young woman.

and then athena... kind of sucks in this case. simon saves her ass constantly, while being a douchebag about it. the dredge up all these insecurities that frankly should've been resolved in dual destinies, if dual destinies was a better game -- but i saw PTSD triggered athena overcome in trials in AA5 and now she's like ? just standing around being negged by simon all case and can't connect obvious dots.

on top of that in a more meta way, having the text be like "gee none of these men take athena seriously, can she Prove Herself??" in the midst of a filler bullshit case knowing capcom/the franchise writ large does not and will probably never take athena seriously ... !!!! i was frankly insulted both on behalf of athena and as an adult woman myself. i made a separate post about what i feel is the increased sexism in AA 456 and this case was really the tipping point where i started to be genuinely pissed off lol

girl you didn't. capcom will never let you. they hate you.

aside from all of that -- which is a lot to set aside! -- the puzzle and stuff was... whatever. if this was a tutorial case for ace attorney: athena cykes, sure, i guess it'd be fine. but it's not.

i don't like blackquill so unfortunately the gimmick of having him as co-counsel was lost on me. it's a shame, because the idea of your pet prosecutor hiring you to help some client is really fun. i would have enjoyed that set-up with phoenix and edgeworth, apollo and klavier, hell phoenix and franziska would've been incredible fhlakdhglgh ... but unfortunately for athena she's paired up with a prosecutor i find dull as rocks and he's there to neg her and like ? strangle her .... whatever man. this case sucks

it's funny how much the localization quadruples down on simon being a british weeb though. i imagine almost everyone in these games is japanese regardless of how many times the translation tries to suggest otherwise ... except simon. it's so funny that way.

i don't know enough about DID to know ho sensitively or insensitively it was handled here. based on everything else, i assume the answer is "very poorly" lol but that's someone else's post to make.

case-wise: i also felt the victim sounded like a mega asshole, and by the end i was firmly team clown girl. idgaf if she's a shitty performer, handing her dad's title on to some other guy when you know she wanted it is a dick move. "ohhh but he was making udon FOR LOVE" shut up man. "he stole the deed to ENCOURAGE YOU" shut up man!! smother him again geiru

the most enjoyable part of the case to me was geiru's surprise buckwheat allergy, bc as a celiac i found her war on cross-contamination and her frustration that no one comprehended it very Hashtag Relatable. do NOT send her udon from the buckwheat store there is no way they have adequate cross-contamination procedures the chef is literally a drunk.

anyway -100 out of 10 for this case. spirit of justice's strength is that its investigation days are really fun, so i guess it's no surprise the no-investigation sidequest trial was awful. athena baby i'm sorry, you deserved better.

[wendytestabrat]

why clyde wanted kyle to deal with the priest

we all know about this notorious kyle-ended kyman simp moment where kyle got up to talk to butters after cartman made him do it FJDJSJSJS but like what i wanna talk about is the reason WHY clyde was asking kyle to do this shit out of all people bc it seems pretty obvious to me. as it turns out when you run around 24/7 with this martyr complex that you’re the only one who can handle saving the day or fixing any problem (like kyle does), people are just gonna push you around and take advantage of you LOL. and he’s all like “why me?” 🥺 acting all surprised like kyle….bitch…..this shit annoys me sm abt kyle he always gets all butthurt and plays the victim when other characters are mean to him and treat him like shit but he doesn’t realize he’s doing this shit to himself lol. he has no idea how to set boundaries and feels like he has to help people with every little thing and yeah when you do that shit and are too nice and giving of urself people aint gonna appreciate it and will just treat you like a doormat (something i had to learn the hard way LOL). it’s really interesting to me how the kids never want kyle’s help when he tries to fix a problem he actually is happy to help with, but when it’s something he DOESN’T wanna do they have no problem making him do that shit lol. and yeah talking to butters abt the priest was something none of the kids wanted to do (INCLUDING KYLE) bc it was awkward and uncomfortable so ofc they recruit the one kid who feels like he’s obligated to help with anything someone asks of him to do it bc they know he aint gonna say no LOL. and THAT’S why kyle’s always getting the short end of the stick and stuck in shitty predicaments. and yeah ofc he gets up and does it once cartman yells at him to bc cartman is the one who triggers kyle’s martyr complex the most so it’s almost like an innate reaction for him at this point lol.

[loversj0y]

'tis the damn season

chapter three - the road not taken looks real good now

swirling, bubbling anxieties grow as time begins to tick on winter break, you can only hold onto so much uncertainty before it starts to slip through your fingers.

tis the damn season masterlist

pairing: cc!wilbur soot x gn!reader

this chapter is more angst-focused, but there is fluff as well. consider it a hurt/comfort

trigger warnings: reader's mother is abusive (not physically) and father is emotionally absent. this will be talked about in extensive detail. alcohol, some suggestive themes, and a lot of anxiety, MAJOR TW FOR PANIC ATTACK

author's note: so listen. a lot of the original plot of the song 'tis the damn season relies on ye-olde miscommunication trope. i hate that trope because we are adults here who talk about our feelings! sometimes it doesnt help though! but we take what we can get! this chapter is a really long one as well because the communication is such a hefty bulk of it ao3 version is available here!

word count: 11.0k

The next four days remained like this; a calm domestic bliss. You did end up going on Wilbur’s stream, but you ended up being unseen in the background while he played Geoguessr. His chat was really nice though. 

“Wilbur, I’m telling you, it’s Luxembourg.”

“I know you think that, but I’m like 99% certain it’s Belgium.” He checked the chat briefly, where everyone was agreeing with you. “Chat, shut up, you led me astray last time.” However, once he’d selected Belgium, he was quickly proven wrong, slamming a hand down on the table before placing his hand over his face. He slowly turned to where you were giving him a knowing look. 

“What did I tell you?”

“That it was Luxembourg,” he mumbled meekly.

“And what did you select?”

“Belgium.”

“Mmhm. I told you so.” 

He threw his head back with a groan while chat proceeded to make fun of him and praise you. 

“I expect a full apology after stream.” You grinned at him, both of you knowing you were just asking for a kiss. 

He grinned back at you, turning back to the stream where a few keen eyes noticed the faint flush on his cheeks. Most others in chat just made a comment about him being in trouble. 

Every day was a good one with him, though. With your parents knowing that you were with Wilbur, they backed off far more, meaning you and him were able to stay in your little bubble together. You started freaking out by the 5th day though. You had two days - technically three, but you had to get the train to London around 9 pm, so it wasn’t exactly a whole day. You just kept thinking about when you’d get home to your shitty flat and your shitty roommates and that shitty fucking city. You felt yourself missing Wilbur’s arms the more you thought about it, even when he was right next to you. You were up for hours that night, riddled with fears and anxieties about the next weeks. Yes, you and Wilbur had a plan to just see how things go and figure it out as you went, but some part of you just could not accept it. For whatever reason, it actually filled you with more anxiety. Mainly because you know yourself better than Wilbur does now, you know your workload, everything that you do each day, and just how little time you have. If it weren’t for the fact that you knew you’d probably have an assignment due immediately the first week back, you could’ve at least consoled yourself with the idea of going down to visit him in Brighton. But you didn’t even have that. 

Part of you wanted to fight with him. You wanted to nitpick and find some tiny detail you could start some stupid fight about. It would be so much easier to go back if he hated you again. You wouldn’t feel the ball of guilt in your chest growing in size every time he brought up the future. It would crush you, but at least then he wouldn’t wait for you. Maybe he could move on if you made him hate you again. 

But you couldn’t bring yourself to really do that. As strongly as you refused to admit it, you love him. And maybe it was selfish of you to hold on. Regardless, it did not change how you felt. 

The guilt grew in your chest as you continued down the mental rabbit hole. You thought about the first few weeks in London. The ache that lived in you now because of how much you missed him. While you got used to the ache, you knew that it would be bigger now once you returned to London. Even worse, you knew he felt it now too. Originally, you could hide your guilt in the farce that he hated you, but now, knowing the truth, you knew that he would share in that ache, the same ache that led you to accept his proposal of going back to his place two weeks ago. 

In your head, you entertained an idea. This idea is that everything would be alright if you didn’t have your obligations in London. He would ask you to stay with him, and you would accept. He wouldn’t have to worry about waiting for you. You’d leave your shitty apartment and the so-called friends to move in with him in Brighton, where you’d be happy because you were with him. He’d introduce you to more of his friends until you were a naturally integrated part of their dynamic. You’d help him and his friends with making videos and writing scripts. And everything would be perfect. You’d be happy. You would’ve taken the road less traveled and it would’ve been just as good as you’d imagined it.

But it wasn’t real. You worked your ass off to get into a good school, and you continued to work your ass off to graduate. You, unfortunately, couldn’t just freely abandon everything you’d worked for just because you found happiness in him once again. 

You don’t know when you started crying. Somewhere in the mess of thinking about the future and fearing that you’d lose Wilbur again. You didn’t want him to see you like this, let alone wake up to this. You unraveled yourself from his arms, quickly heading to his bathroom. You sat against the locked door, sobbing softly into your hands. You didn’t want to admit how terrified you were, you wanted to hate him, you wanted something that would make this easier and make the ache lessen. You were overwhelmed by the ball in your chest reminding you of every obligation and responsibility and fear that you had. You felt like you were crashing, but you didn’t know what towards. You felt yourself wishing you never showed up, wishing you never went to the pub that night, never had agreed to go back to his place, never spoken to him, never kissed him in the dark of his room, everything you regretted. Only because as happy as he made you, he made the thought of leaving that much more painful. 

You heard footsteps and took a deep, shaky breath, trying to silence your own breakdown. 

He knocked on the door, “Babe? You alright?”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you, scared to use your voice. 

But you had to, regardless, “Uhm-“ your voice cracked meekly, “Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.” You very obviously were not, but you didn’t want him to know. 

He wouldn’t let it go that easily though, “Can I come in?” 

You didn’t give a response. You took another shaky breath, wiping at your eyes. You stood slowly, shaking far more than you’d realized. Your hand lay on the doorknob for a moment. He wouldn’t just walk away, you knew that. You were just hoping you could be more put together when he woke up. 

You opened the door slowly, looking up to meet his eyes. 

You recognized alarm flashing over his face before he opened his arms for you, “Come here love.”

You went into his arms, fighting the urge to cry even harder now. 

“What’s going on?” He asked, speaking softly as if the world would crack. 

“I’m just-“ a shaky sob broke your sentence, “I’m overwhelmed.” 

He nodded, holding you closer. He wanted to ask more, but instead, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Let’s go lay down, you can cry it out, and then we can talk. Does that sound good?” 

You didn’t want to talk about it, truthfully, but it was better than sitting on the cold bathroom floor at least. You nodded, and he pulled away to walk both of you back to bed. He laid down first, opening his arms for you once again, and you did not hesitate to pull yourself into him. You tried to hold back from breaking down completely again, but once you were in his arms, everything came back all at once. That overwhelming feeling took over once more, and you cried and sobbed like a child against him. He held you the whole time, which only made you cry harder as you thought of leaving him and this safe haven of his bedroom. If you had it your way, you’d never even leave this bed. Your own felt cold in comparison to his. He rubbed your back to console you, singing softly under his breath. Sobs eventually turned into sighs, and you came out from Will’s arms, rubbing at your eyes.

“‘M sorry. Just had a bad night.”

You sat on your heels in front of him, trying to avoid his eye line. 

He placed his hands on your hips, rubbing your sides, “Don’t apologize. What’s on your mind?”

You ran a hand through your hair, “A lot.”

He was quiet for a moment, waiting for you to elaborate. When you didn’t, he spoke again, “Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe get some fresh air?” 

Honestly, some air sounded fantastic. The cold seemed refreshing after the night you’d had. You nodded. 

He rubbed your back and nodded, “Alright. Get dressed in something warmer. I’ll grab us something to snack on.” 

You nodded once again. You dressed quickly, then sat on the edge of Wilbur’s bed. Everything felt so out of your control. You barely even noticed his return to the room, until he placed his hand on your back, causing you to jump.

“Sorry, sorry, should’ve said something. You ready?” 

You nodded, standing with arms crossed and following him outside. When you stepped outside, the frigid air immediately gave a sense of relief. You took in a deep breath, air coming back out in a soft haze due to the temperature. The walk was quiet. The world seemed to be aware of the tenseness in your throat and matched key, everything around the two of you entranced in an overt stillness. 

The silence was cut short by the stopping of feet and a hitch of breath as you stared in front of you at the field where you and Wilbur shared your first kiss. Wilbur didn’t notice you’d stopped at first, content to keep walking along the path. He turned to you.

“Is everything alright?” 

You turned your head to look back at him, nodding, before looking back once again. He followed your gaze to the field, making a noise of understanding. 

“Do you want to go sit? I brought a blanket.” 

He did. You hadn’t even noticed the thing slung along his opposite shoulder until now. 

“Yeah,” you nodded after a moment. You cautiously tried to ignore the fact that it was the same blanket he’d brought out here that same night as well. Everything was already overwhelming enough, you couldn’t add more nostalgia to the mess. 

Gently taking your hand, he led you over to the field, putting down the blanket. He sat down, motioning for you to do the same. You sat next to him and placed your head against him lightly. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close to him. You two sat there quietly for a few minutes. 

As the ball in your chest collapsed further in on itself, you realized that you’d have to talk about it. Communication was key, and if you didn’t get at least some of it out, it would only get worse and more overwhelming. Despite your self-sabotaging tendencies, you didn’t want to ruin this. 

“I’m scared,” you spoke timidly. 

He looked down at you, almost shocked to hear you opening up, “What about?” 

“Us. I… I know you have this plan where we sit it out and see what we can do, but I’m just- I’m scared because I know I won’t have time. I know my workload, I know how little time I have already, I can’t sustain a relationship like that. I want more than anything to be able to be with you, but the more I think, the more I know how implausible it is.”

“Darling, I told you, already, I don’t mind waiting for you.”

“No, Will, you don’t understand. After college, there’s no telling where I’d have to go for work. I can’t just go and work for you because that alone gives me more anxiety about my own work performance and if it would cause stress between us.”

“I know, but when you’re working, you’ll have more time, so again, I don’t mind waiting.”

“Wilbur, I cannot ask that of you.”

“You’re not, I’m offeri-“

“You didn’t ask me to stay.” 

He was silent. 

You continued. “You didn’t ask me to stay, and I didn’t offer. I cannot possibly ask you to wait, and I can’t know that you’re waiting without feeling like I’m holding you back. Because everything in my future is so uncertain that I can’t have you waiting without some sort of guarantee that I’d be able to get there eventually, and I do not have that guarantee. You telling me that you’d be willing to wait only makes me feel worse because, in that time, you could meet someone really good for you, who could give you everything I can’t, and I don’t want to hold you back from finding the love that you deserve.”

He was quiet, trying to find the words to respond. “There’s something I never told you.” 

You looked at him, curious despite the tears in your eyes. 

“After you moved to London, I followed you there. I lived there for… about six months. And I did meet someone, but it didn’t work out. It was hell and it broke my heart, but I knew that it didn’t work out because I was trying to fill a void that only you could fit into. Regardless of whether or not you’ve known it, I’ve been waiting for you since the day we met. What’s a bit longer?”

There was a lot of information to process in his statement. But none of it relieved you or made you feel better. 

“So, if I let things continue, you’d wait for me. Til the rest of your life if you had to?”

“Forever.”

That did not relieve you at all. If anything, it worsened the guilt in your chest. There was one way to stop him from waiting for you, and you knew you had to, but it broke your heart. But if breaking your heart meant protecting Wilbur’s in the future, you’d take it. 

“Wilbur,” you couldn’t meet his eyes, “we have to end this. Whatever this is, between us, we have to end it. I’m sorry.” 

Wilbur was quiet. You went to stand, but he grabbed your wrist. 

“What if I say no?” 

“What? Will-“

“I don’t care what you say. I know how guilty it makes you feel, I understand that. But I’m willing to put the effort in to make us work. Are you?” 

You were. You absolutely were. But you and he both knew your heart wasn’t quite in it - too overtaken by the guilt in your chest. 

“I am. But at the risk of sounding drastic, Wilbur, it will crush me. I love you so much that it covers me, and I’d kill to be able to feel that forever. But I know the second I step on that train, I’m going to be filled with so much dread and guilt that it might consume me. I might spend the rest of my life wondering if I ruined yours.” 

“So, you want to act like none of this ever happened?”

“No, Wil-“

“No, listen to me now. We have our last two days together. Then, what? We stop talking again? Because that would actually, truthfully, ruin my life. More than waiting ever would. Even staying friends would ruin my life. Because, for fucks sake, I love you too. Far more than you know, and I have for far longer than you know. I’m not giving up on us because your future is uncertain. I moved to London for you in the past, and while I cannot get up and move as freely as I used to, I would make every sacrifice, every dedication, every ounce of my being I’d put into making sure you know just how much I love you and how willing I am to make us work. I just need you to be able to do the same. You said that you’re willing to put in the effort. All I ask is that you actually do it. Don’t shut down again like you did in the past because that would ruin me. Even if all you can give me is a day, I would take that day over never having you in my life again. So, if you can make the dedication, even if it is not as strong as mine, then I know we can do this.” 

You took a shaky breath, wiping at your eyes. You wanted to say yes, you really did. Your heart was still holding you back. But you didn’t listen this time. 

“Can I think about it? It’s not a no, I just- I need to think.”

He took a breath of relief, parroting his words from a few days ago, “That’s all I ask.” 

He pulled you back into his arms, where you fit perfectly. His arms felt like home. No. More aptly, he felt like home. 

You buried your face against his chest, sighing softly, “How come every time we have some deep, serious conversation, it's always in this field?”

He laughed, leaning his head against yours. “Dunno. Maybe we should get married here.” 

You chuckled, “Already thinking of marriage?” 

“Don’t you remember our agreement from middle school? If neither of us are married by 35, we’re getting married.” 

You snorted, laughing a bit harder, “Maybe waiting isn’t that much of a problem then, seems we’ve already got a potential wedding date set.”

“Darling, if it was my choice, we would’ve gotten married the moment you kissed me here for the first time.” 

You flushed, hiding your face against him quietly. “I love you,” was your only reply. 

He smiled giddily, holding you tighter, “I love you too.” 

The world felt lighter after the exchanges of “I love you”s. It somehow helped ease the ache in your chest. If nothing else made you feel better, at least that did, despite how it felt like a brand across your chest. 

You two still lay there for a while longer, despite the world beginning to move again. At least now, it didn’t feel like you were the only one who was aware you were leaving. 

The walk back to his place was quiet, but a far more comfortable silence. While neither of you was perfectly happy with how that conversation had gone, you at least talked. That alone meant more than anything. When you walked back in from the cold, he pulled you in his arms again, holding you tighter. 

“I didn’t say it before. But, I hope you know that you’re not the only one scared of losing this. I’m terrified. Not because of what you said, but because I’m scared I might fuck up. I have a busy life too, not as busy as yours I’m sure, but I’m scared of the same things. I’m even more scared because, the whole streamer thing, it makes this harder. Most people are respectful, but it puts you in danger, and I am terrified of you ever being in danger, especially because of me. If you’re willing to hold onto me and make those sacrifices for me, then I am more than willing to make these sacrifices for you. But don’t think for a second that I’m not just as scared as you are.”

You nodded. The foyer felt still around you both. You truthfully hadn’t considered the streamer thing. Or the fact that he might be scared too. You’d been so caught up in your head that you didn’t consider whether or not Wilbur would be feeling the same way. Granted, you didn’t even think he’d understand originally, concerned that you’d sound like a madman to him. 

You hummed after a moment, “I dunno. Seems kind of cool to have a secret double life thing going on.”

His face split into a grin, holding your jaw in one hand and kissing you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss. 

“I haven’t fully agreed yet. Just think you should know that I’m willing. To make those sacrifices, I mean.” 

He nodded, “Of course, right. Are you willing to do anything else?” He asked, rubbing your back gently. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Soot.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You cheeky motherfucker. At least get me upstairs first,” you joked. 

He laughed, picking you up and walking upstairs. You laughed, arms wrapped around him. Yeah, so maybe he can make you feel better. 

The rest of the day was spent primarily cuddling and watching movies. You were both a bit emotionally exhausted, so it was nice to just sit there and watch something neither of you cared too much about. You ended up falling asleep a few times, exhausted from the sleepless night before. He didn’t mind though, never minded. He made dinner while you napped, bringing it up for you as well so you could eat in bed. He made sure more than anything that you were comfortable, and truthfully, you couldn’t ask for anything better. You felt as loved as he sought to make you feel.  

The next day was New Year’s Eve. You didn’t usually care much for New Year’s, but Wilbur woke up that morning determined to make it a special occasion. Between shared uncertainty and fear, he wanted today to feel like a break from reality. You woke up slowly, one of his arms wrapped around you while the other played with your hair. He was humming softly, staring at the ceiling when you looked up at him. 

“Morning,” you spoke groggily. 

“Good morning,” he replied, fingertips dancing along the skin of your back, “How’d you sleep?”

“Wonderfully,” you answered, though that was an understatement. It was the best you’d slept in years. 

“I’m glad,” he leaned down and pecked your lips. “What’s your plan for today?”

You shrugged, “I need to pack, but other than that, just relaxing. Spending our last moments together.” It almost sounded like you’d be dying, and honestly, you might as well be.

He nodded, brushing your hair back. “Well, I’ll help you pack, but if you do me a favour.”

You chuckled, “Sure, what favour?” 

“Be my New Year's kiss?” 

You laughed and nodded, “Alright. Done.” 

He grinned and went to kiss you again, but you stopped him, “You only said New Year’s. You’ll have to wait.”

Even knowing you were joking, he had the most shocked and kicked-puppy look on his face. He snaked his arms around your waist, whining, “Darling, please, you can’t do this to me.”

“Hm, why should I kiss you early? Give me a good reason.”

“Because I love and adore you so much.”

You hummed, “That grants you a kiss for sure.”

He leaned down, pulling you in for a kiss. He wasted no time in deepening the kiss, clearly trying to keep the kiss going for as long as possible. 

When he finally pulled away, both of your lips were slightly swollen and cheeks dusted in a rose blush. 

“Had to make it last,” he chuckled softly. 

You smiled, but part of you felt torn apart when he said that. Everything you two did today, you had to make last. It was the last full day before your night train tomorrow. You knew that the morning tomorrow would feel more like a death march, anyway. As usual, though, he saw right through you.

“Hey. It’s fine. Let’s just focus on today, alright?” 

You nodded, holding onto him. You sat up, and you went to let go, but he kept your hold on him.

“Will, I need to start packing,” you chuckled.

He hummed, “I know. Just a few more minutes, love.”

You could use a few more minutes yourself, you decided, ultimately swayed by the way Wilbur kept his arms wrapped tightly around you. You got comfortable in his arms again, nodding softly, “Alright. Just a few.”

He grinned and kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back. You didn’t want to get up, honestly. You were incredibly comfortable, yet you knew the faster you got the packing done, the sooner you could get back to relaxing in your little bubble. 

“Will,” you started. “What do you want to do more than anything right now?”

He looked down at you, thinking for a quiet moment, “Truthfully? Give you a proper date while I can.” 

“Oh, yeah? What would we do?” 

“Well, that ruins the surprise now, doesn’t it?”

You laughed, “What, are you planning to do it today or something?”

He grinned, pecking your lips, “I might have a plan.” 

“And when were you going to tell me?” 

“My original plan was to put on a nature documentary and wait for you to fall asleep so I could set everything up.” 

“Mm, that definitely would work. But now, I’ll know what you’re trying to do.”

“I can think of other ways to distract you.”

You lightly smacked him and laughed, “You have been so… raunchy lately, what is up with you?”

“Just excited. You love me!” He grinned wider than you’d honestly ever seen from him before. 

“Yes, I do!” You laughed, holding onto him tighter. 

“That’s amazing! That’s wonderful, I mean, really, that… there are not enough words to describe how wonderful that is and how happy it makes me. And I love you too! We love each other!”

“Yes! We do!” 

“That’s amazing!” 

“It is!” You two grinned at each other like you were kids again, sixteen and wild without a care in the world. He pulled you forward, kissing you hard. Your hands went to the back of his neck, your fingers reaching up to brush through his hair. He kept a tight hold on your waist, trying to keep you as physically close to him as possible. Your kiss devolved into making out, and you found your motivation to leave the bed being whittled away slowly. Wilbur’s arms around you and his lips on your lips put you in a haze every time, and you’d give nothing more than to stay in it. But he always did a good job of grounding you, in a sense. 

He eventually pulled away to stare at you lovingly. 

“If we could just lay here forever, we’d inevitably die from many possible reasons, but it would be entirely worth it to be able to spend my last moments with you.” 

You flushed, burying your face against him, “You can’t just say things like that, you poet.”

“Just wait until I show you some of the songs I’ve written about you.”

You were stunned, “You’ve written songs about me?”

“Enough to fill an entire discography. I’ve been writing them since I could.” 

“Why’d you never show me?” 

“How could I show you a million love songs about you when I thought you never wanted to see me again and didn’t know otherwise until a few days ago?”

“Touché.” You chuckled softly, pecking his lips gently. 

He smiled, “We should probably go pack. We’ll have more time for better things the sooner we finish.”

You groaned, nodding, “I know.” You paused for a moment, trying to cherish the saccharine serenity for one last moment, before sitting up. He sat up with you, moving his arm from your shoulders to reach out and help you up, which you gladly accepted. Once you were both up, he pulled you into his arms, kissing you lovingly once again. You returned it, pulling away to grin at him. He looked overjoyed. For the first time in two weeks, it genuinely felt like you weren’t worried about… everything. Even if you weren’t happy with the way things went, at least for today, you were plainly happy. 

You grabbed one of his jumpers to pull on, and he watched you for a moment.

“What is it?” You asked, chuckling lightly.

He flushed, but he didn’t look away. Instead, he grinned wider, “Just… you’re beautiful, especially in my clothes. You should take that one, actually.”

Your cheeks reddened to match his, “Really? You wear this one a lot though,” it was true. You’d grabbed one of his Los Campesinos! Jumpers, the maroon one. 

He nodded, “Yeah, it looks far better on you.” He seemed to pause, processing your sentence in full now, “Wait, how did you know I wear it often?”

The blush on your face increased tenfold. “I- I just,” you immediately stuttered, unwilling to tell him just how many VODs and clips of him you’d seen, “it’s your favorite band. I-I figured you wear it often,” you lied, quite obviously. 

He saw right through you, but he moved on, for your own embarrassment's sake, but he kept a grin like he knew a secret the whole time he continued, “Well, it is one of my favourites. But that’s exactly why I want you to keep it. Means more that way.” 

“If you’re sure.”

“I am sure. One condition, though.”

“Which is?”

“You text me every time you wear it.”

You looked up at him, and because of your years of learning how to read Wilbur Soot, you could see the sadness that shone in his eyes. He never gave much indication that he felt upset, most likely for your sake, but it was getting harder for him to hide it, it seemed. In a passing thought, it reminded you of grief. 

You nodded, “I accept those terms,” and you both moved on. You finished getting dressed, and the two of you started the slow march to your place. You walked slower than usual, as if it would keep the time from passing. You wanted to ask him questions, to talk to him more, to listen to him, but your mouth couldn’t quite form the words. 

He kept a warm grip on your hand, but he didn’t speak either. 

Thankfully, since it was earlier in the day, it was just your parents at home. You opened the door, and Wilbur dropped your hand for a moment to close the door behind you both. You ushered Wilbur to your room while you went into the living room to speak to your parents.

“So, my train is at 9 P.M. tomorrow. Will’s gonna help me pack, and I think he was planning on taking me tomorrow night, so you lot won’t have to drive at night.” “Were you going to allow us to see you before you leave?”

“Well, once I finish packing, you can say bye to me then. Will has something planned for us for New Year’s tonight, and I imagine we’ll be preoccupied before the train cleaning up since his family is returning soon. So, yes, today will be the last day you see me for this trip.”

“So, what? You show up here, reconnect with your friend, and what? We just never get to see our child again?”

You sighed, “Mum, seriously, can we not have this conversation?”

“No, we should have this conversation. Ever since you’ve come home, you-”

“Dad, can you please stop her?”

Your father didn’t so much as look at you or your mother, staying out of this as he did everything.

Your mother continued her rant about your behavior, and you groaned into your hands, “I can’t fucking stand this, mum! Every fucking time I’m home, you find some niche reason to think I am the worst. Two weeks ago you were complaining that I hadn’t found anyone, and now what, you’re mad that I may have found someone?” You were angry now, but tearfully angry, the type of angry where your tears felt like lava burning red roads into cheeks. “You have spent my entire life picking apart everything I’ve done, while you sit there and act like you’re not a walking contradiction who always acts far worse than I ever have! I can’t stand constantly hearing you tell me I’m the worst!” 

You went to continue, but a hand on your shoulder stopped you. You turned, and Wilbur was standing there behind you looking nothing but supportive. He pulled you into his side, starting to walk you back to your room. Your mother went to speak again, some snarky comment, no doubt, but Wilbur stopped her immediately.

“Respectfully, there is not a single thing you could say right now that would be beneficial. Now, if you’ll excuse us,” and he ushered you fully back into your room. 

You were immediately in his arms, face buried against his chest as you sobbed. He rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head. He leaned his head down to whisper in your ear.

“Take a deep breath for me, love. You know I won’t let anything happen to you,” He started taking deep breaths, taking one of your hands and placing it on his chest, so you could feel the pattern of his breathing. You followed his breathing, slowly getting in control of yourself once again. You pulled away, wiping at your eyes, and he smiled down at you.

“You’re okay,” he nodded, and you nodded back, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Did you hear it?”

It took him a moment to respond, but eventually, he nodded. 

You shook your head, “Nothing to talk about then. I just can’t deal with this anymore.” He brushed your hair back gently, a soft smile covering his face, “Well, let’s get packing then. The sooner we get that done, the faster we can get out of here and go watch movies in bed.” 

You let out a shaky laugh, nodding and grinning, “Okay, yeah,” you pulled away, grabbing your suitcase. From there on, the two of you made careful work of packing up all your things. You hadn’t brought much in the first place, just enough to sustain you over the two-week trip. Wilbur was insistent on packing the items in your bag for you while you grabbed and folded items, and it worked well. You still had to account for the small pile of clothes that slowly was growing in his room, but aside from that, packing truthfully didn’t take long. Or maybe it just didn’t seem as long because  Wilbur was with you the entire time. 

The final item was cautiously packed away, and we moved to sit on your childhood bed, staring at a carved out version of your childhood room, and knowing that, regardless of whether or not you and he stayed together, you would never be those kids again. Something would always be different, now. He wrapped an arm around your waist, loosely holding you against his chest. It wouldn’t necessarily be bad, that things were different. He took your hand gently. Things would just be different, for better or for worse. He squeezed your hand three times. You squeezed his hand three times back. 

“You know I’ll stick with you, no matter what. I don’t care how long the road is, I’ll be there,” he whispered against your ear, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. 

You nodded softly, “I know.”

“We’re not becoming strangers again. I won’t let it happen.” 

You nodded again, leaning your head further into his chest, “I will try to silence every self-sabotaging voice and urge,” you chuckled softly, “just for you.”

“That’s major. Imagine telling school you that you just said that,” he laughed lightheartedly.

“Yeah, yeah. School me wouldn’t even want to admit to having self-sabotaging tendencies. At least now I’m far more self-aware.” 

He nodded, “True, but neither of us were very self-aware back then,” he took a deep breath, sighing out slowly, “Genuinely, though, it does mean a lot. Just knowing that you’ll be trying.” 

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his shoulder gently, “I want things to work. I do love you, after all. Even with my uncertainties, I am at least not uncertain about the love I feel for you.”

“I love you so much, darling. I hope you are serious about the amount of love you share for me, because trust me, I am going to be such a nuisance. The moment you get on that train, I won’t leave you alone. You may have to get a second phone because I’ll be constantly vying for your attention,” he shook with laughter, pulling you in. 

“Oh, I hope for nothing more. However, I may just need to block you while I’m studying. I think asking you to stop while I study may be far too cruel.”

“If you block me, you won’t get to see all the texts once you’re done.”

“And what would I need to see so badly in those texts?”

“How proud I am of you.”

You chuckled, “What? Why that?”

“Because you’d be studying. I want you to feel encouraged because studying is hard, so you deserve the praise.”

“Thank you, darling,” you both shared a fond look, feeling some sense, somewhere, that you were on the same page for the future.

You were able to leave the house with no issues. Wilbur took your bag outside while you managed a stiff goodbye to your parents. You didn’t plan on coming back next holiday. With a quick hug and a few words that choked you just to say, you escaped out into the fresh air where Wilbur was waiting for you. He gave you a grin that warmed you despite the cold around you both, a small kindling fire placed in your chest every time he gave you that look so full of understanding. You walked right forward into him, colder hands touching cold cheeks but kissing him to spread the warmth from your chest. He chuckled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist but holding you loosely. He knew you weren’t going anywhere right now, he didn’t need to hold you tight. He wasn’t afraid. You were aware of nothing else but him and his lips. Eventually, you both had to let the metaphorical smoke out of your lungs. 

“You always seemed happier when you’d leave.” He said it simply as if it didn’t feel like a world-shattering admission. You knew he’d only meant leaving your parents, but in some way, it felt like understanding, understanding why you had to leave town, leave him behind.

And you replied simply, as if, again, you hadn’t felt incredibly taken in his words, 

“I guess so.”

You walked back to Wilbur’s slowly, despite the snow starting to trickle around you faster and faster. You exchanged jokes as you walked, ranging from dad jokes to the dirtiest jokes you could imagine. It was peaceful. He opened the door for you, helping bring your things to his room. 

“You know what we should do?” He hummed, kissing your cheeks all over.

You laughed, arms wrapped around him, “What?”

“I think we should play more Minecraft.”

You burst out laughing, “You could’ve suggested anything, but of course, Minecraft.” “What’s wrong with that?”

“No, nothing, I’m not complaining. Just think it’s funny. Most guys would’ve suggested sex or something lewd, but you went straight to gaming, and I… appreciate that more, I guess.”

“Well, darling, you should know by now I’m not like most guys. I am a gamer, it’s worse,” you both laughed at that, and you grabbed his hands, nodding.

“Alright, then. Let’s play.”

You both got set up to play together, hopping on the server and playing. You guys goofed around mostly, but after about twenty minutes, Tommy ended up joining the server. 

Upon joining, he spammed in chat “VC” over and over again. 

“Do you mind joining the VC?” Wilbur asked, “My mic isn’t working right now.”

You nodded, a bit nervous, but joining the voice channel in the Discord server Wilbur had added you to. 

“Tommy?”

All you got was a yell as a response before Tommy started divulging some explanation of why he needed you to come to his base with “as much andesite you could find”. 

You looked up at Wilbur, clearly confused. He shrugged, mouthing to you ‘Just go with it.’

“Alright, Tommy, I’ll help, but it’ll probably take a while to get the andesite.”

“That’s fine! I’ll help get it! I just need it incredibly badly!” 

You chuckled softly. Tommy stayed on VC, chatting with you and Wilbur a bit while you went to help Tommy collect materials. After a few minutes, Wilbur stood, walking over to you.

He kissed your head, “I’m going to step downstairs for a moment, alright?”

You nodded, “Okay, yeah.” “Do not worry, Wilbur! I will keep them much company!” Tommy’s voice came through grainy on your laptop.

“Maybe I should stay,” Wilbur joked, which led to Tommy spluttering loudly in annoyance. 

Eventually, Wilbur did walk out of the room, leaving you and Tommy alone. After a few minutes of joking around, you and Tommy both mining in-game, he spoke up, sounding a bit more serious this time.

“Wilbur’s my brother, you know. Did he tell you that?” You chuckled, “He didn’t mention it. Can’t say I remember you when he and I were in school together, but I’d take your word for it.”

“Good. You should always take my word for things. I am a great person to believe.”

You chuckled softly, “I will try to, as long as you tell the truth.”

“I make my own truth, so I am always telling the truth.” He chuckled himself. He spoke again after a brief pause, more serious this time, “Seriously, though. I care about Wilbur a lot, and I know how much he cares about you. He’s told me a bit about you, so I trust that you do love him like you say just… please, don’t give me a reason to break that trust, alright? You seem good to him. I want you to be good for him.” 

You were quiet after his admission for a few moments. You wanted that too. You wanted to be good for Wilbur, and you wanted Tommy to be able to trust you. You wanted all the things that came with love, the struggles, the fights, the working through it all, everything. “I won’t,” you spoke softly, “I won’t give you a reason to break that trust. I don’t know exactly what he’s told you, but he really matters to me. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Good. ‘Cause I know he feels the same,” Tommy said, “So, when are you going to come to Brighton?”

“Truthfully, I’m not sure. I have my spring classes starting in a few days, and I won’t have a real break up until the summer. I may try to come around then, but it depends on if I have an internship or some classes, but-” you paused, letting out a breath, “Yeah, just… not sure, yet. Hopefully, I’ll have a free weekend, assuming I’m not working or studying.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, but when he spoke, his words came out quickly, “God! I would hate being that busy! How can you stand it? It must get frustrating, I’m busy a lot as well, but not that kind of busy, so it’s not like that I guess, but my god! I just- that sounds like so much! Do you ever-”

“Jesus, Tommy, you’re going to make them pass out, slow down, man,” Wilbur came back in, walking over to you. He placed his hands on your shoulders, kissing the top of your head. 

“Sorry, sorry, just, wow! You sound so busy, must’ve been a nice break being back there.” “It was really nice, yeah,” you smiled, looking up at Wilbur. 

“Right, well, Tommy, we’ve actually got to go.”

“We do?”

“Yep! Talk to you later, Tommy, thanks for the help.”

“No problem, Wilbur! Have a good night, you two!”

You spluttered a bit, feeling like the past two minutes took place in 20 seconds, feeling incredibly displaced. 

Wilbur hung up the call on your laptop, logging you out of the game as well.

“Will, what’s going on?”

“Just, trust me, will you? I want to show you something.” He took your hand, pulling you up.

You followed him downstairs. You knew he had his New Year’s surprise, but you didn’t suspect it to be this early (granted it was around 5 P.M. at this point), hence why you were so taken aback. However, once he’d gotten you downstairs, you knew that’s exactly what it was. 

“Did you enlist Tommy to distract me because you knew I’d be suspicious of you?” “Yep!” He admitted proudly.

The place looked beautiful. He’d hung string lights up all over the place, each light twinkling in the dark of the room (he’d kept all the big lights off - it was only the string lights and the lamp in the corner. He knew how you hated overhead lights). He put gold stars across the walls, and even scattered a few on the table as well. The best part, however, was the kitchen table. It’d been covered with a midnight blue tablecloth. There were two plates set out, and you couldn’t quite see what was on them from where you stood. What you could see however was the bottle of champagne on ice in the center of the table, along with the candles on either side. 

“Will, this is incredible. How did you do all of this so fast?”

“I had everything ready, it was just a matter of putting it up. As for the food, what meal is more fitting than the first thing you taught me how to make?” With a flourish, Wilbur gestured to the dishes on the table,  “Cheap ramen.”

You laughed, nodding, “That explains a lot. Did you make it fancy like I taught you, too?”

“Of course. I remember exactly how you made it.”

“Even the miso paste?” “Especially the miso paste. I always keep some in the house since you taught me.”

“Really?”

“Of course. It’s become a big comfort meal for me.” 

You smiled up at him, “Well, I’m glad. It seems a bit early for a New Year's celebration, though.”

“Yes, but we have to eat first. Plus, I’ve decided since you don’t really love New Year's, we’re toasting something else first tonight.”

“Oh, yeah? What?” “Us. Being together again.”

“Cliche, but I’ll allow it,” you joked, and he pulled you over to the kitchen table.

“You love it, you’ve just always hated admitting how much you like cliches.”

“That is not true.” “Oh yeah? How many times did you watch 10 Things I Hate About You when you were sad in school?”

“Hey, Americans know how to revisit Shakespeare in the modern audience well, okay?”

“I know, and you adore the cliches in that movie, and it is so full of them.”

You rolled your eyes, but the smile never left your face. You held his hand, gently rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. 

“Thank you,” you murmured, “I just about think this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“For now it is. I’ll make sure something tops it.” He smiled, pulling out your chair for you. That combined with the warm look on his face sent a feeling akin to the flush of cheap whine across your chest. You smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. You couldn’t speak — couldn’t find the words to reflect the love you felt for him. He took your hand, squeezing it gently. He spoke for you. 

“For as shitty as your parents are, I’m glad you still decided to come this winter.” 

You chuckled softly, and he continued. “I’m serious. I almost didn’t come this winter either. At the last minute, I said, why not, maybe it’ll be nice. And while I don’t believe much in fate, or the stars aligning, I think that something special happened to make you and I both, for whatever reason, think maybe something would be different. Because when you think about it, we both came here expecting something different, but it’s never been more similar. My parents are gone, yours are being shitheads, and we’re still confiding in each other. So I don’t know what it was, but I wish I did so I knew just exactly what force I had to thank for bringing us together again.

“We’ve spent so much time together here talking about what didn’t happen, you know. The fight, the four years we spent not talking, the missed time. But it would’ve continued, if neither of us made the choice to come here, or if neither of us decided to go to the pub that night. So while I don’t believe in fate, or the universe making our choices for us, every choice we made for the past four years would’ve always led us right back to each other.”

You don’t know at what point in his admission you started crying. He gave you a look of concern, and he was about to ask if you were alright. Before he could, you stood, and he did the same, meeting you in a tight embrace. You buried your face into his shoulder, and your grip was tight enough to turn your knuckles white. You sniffled quietly, voice quivering as you spoke. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, laughing into his shoulder. “Two weeks ago, I never would’ve thought we’d see each other again. When I’d agreed to come here, I thought there might be a chance, but I didn’t let myself think about it, I- I couldn’t tell if the idea made me nervous or excited. But now, it feels like I can’t get rid of you,” I chuckled, “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like a little thread keeping us together.”

He smiled, kissing the top of your hair. “Good, because you truly will never get rid of me after this.” He pulled away to wipe the tears from your eyes. 

You took a soft, shaky breath as you smiled up at him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

You both sat back down after that, eating quickly. The meal felt like home. As you and Wilbur finished eating, he stood once more to open the champagne. He popped the cork, thankfully not causing too much of a mess as he quickly poured the champagne into our two flute glasses. He picked his glass up, holding it up in a toast. You grabbed yours and did the same, smiling up at him as he spoke.

“To my best friend, my fire, and my lover. Here’s to reuniting and being allowed to find a home in each other.”

You grinned, lightly tapping your flute against his before taking a sip. He took a sip of his own drink, taking your hand and pulling you up. He turned on some music, and he pulled you into another embrace. He started swaying, and you joined him, neither one of you speaking as you held each other close. Even if the world ended at this moment, the room caught fire or even flooded, neither of you would leave this embrace. It essentially was the end of one world, you thought to yourself sardonically. You pushed those thoughts away, determined to have a good night with him. He pulled away to give you a warm smile, gently cupping your cheek, 

“Get out of your head,” he chuckled softly, and you flushed.

“How can you always tell?”

“I’m not sure how to explain it exactly, but I know you. I know when you get that distant look in your eyes that you’re stressed out about something and trying to hide it. Or that when your breathing quickens just a bit it's because you thought of something you didn’t like. I told you, I’m memorizing you, and each tiny piece is important.”

You leaned your head against him gently. “You don’t know how nice that is,” You whispered. No one else ever notices

He wrapped his arms around you once more before pulling you over to the couch. You thought he was going to put on a movie or something, but instead, he just turned to you. 

“Just, stay here a moment, alright?”

You nodded, and he returned within a moment, holding his guitar. He sat back down next to you, starting to strum a few chords. He didn’t say anything as the chords turned into a soft pattern. He started playing a song quietly, something soft and sweet, but he sang no words. 

“I don’t know the words, yet,” he said softly, “But I know this is another one for you.” 

You smiled up at him, watching him play. He looked gorgeous while he played, so clearly in his element. It was a funny contrast to two weeks ago. Two weeks ago you didn’t know where you and him stood as friends, and now, you were closer than before. It almost made you anxious to contrast those two points. Fast-moving things often crashed.

“It sounds beautiful.” He nodded before speaking again, “I didn’t want you to go back without hearing it first, even though it’s not done.”

“Why?” You asked quietly. 

He smiled. “Giving you something to wait for. To hold onto. Can’t ignore me if you know you’re waiting for something.” 

“You think I’d ignore you?”

“Not on purpose. I think I understand how important your future is, though, and how wrapped up you get in it. So I think you’ve been ignoring the world because you’ve forgotten it exists. But it’s harder to forget when you know you’re waiting on something out there.” 

You gave a sad smile, looking away. “I guess you’re right. This’ll help though, definitely.”

He smiled, placing his guitar down. “I’m glad. Plus, I’ve still got a bunch of other songs about you that I can show you. But those can wait for the future, too.”

You took a sip of your champagne, just about downing the thing before setting your glass down. 

You and Wilbur sat and talked for a long time, getting drunker as you did. Meaningless stories, sharing experiences you’d wished he’d been there for, and vice versa. 

“I remember there was this guy in my English Lit class, and my god, Will, you would’ve hated him. I remember coming to class every day and thinking ‘if only Wilbur were here. He’d at least understand’ because every person in class acted like he was this genius! In reality, he was pulling his ‘ideas’ straight from other people, and no one said anything because his father paid for the class textbooks. It was infuriating!”

“God, was he a tory? He sounds like one.”

“Yes! He was a huge tory! I remember we read The Scarlet Letter and he went on this long rant about how he’d never be satisfied with a woman like Hester, completely missed the point of the book, and the majority of the class went ‘That’s a fantastic observation’ like, motherfuckers, no it is not! He’s just a dick!” 

Wilbur laughed, leaning his head into the crux of his elbow.  “God, I can just imagine. He sounds like a fucking dickhead, genuinely.”

“He was. Even worse, he’s dating my flatmate, so I can barely escape the asshole. I walk into the living room, and he’ll just be there,” You groaned, and Wilbur chuckled. 

“You haven’t spoken much about your flatmates.”

You shrugged softly, “I’m not particularly close with any of them. We all grouped together for a project once, and we got close enough to trust that none of us would steal from or kill the other. I needed a better place to live because the school facilities just weren’t working for me anymore. They’re nice enough, but I don’t know if they actually like me or just like my convenience.”

“Your convenience?”

You nodded softly, “Yeah. I’m quiet, I don’t take up much space, and I keep to myself for the most part. I’m convenient.” He scoffed, “That is not you.” “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on. Convenient? You’re a person, not a placeholder. You’ve always loved being loud and being more of an extrovert than you’d grant yourself.” 

“Maybe you just bring out that side of me. Back there, I’m different.”

He hummed, his fingertips running along your back, “Guess I’ll have to change that once I visit.” 

You chuckled, your increasing drunkenness making a red flush come up to your cheeks. “Wilbur, I’d rather not get kicked out of my place.”

“You deserve to feel like a person.” “I do!” “But not you. You’re being what they want you to be,” He sighed, “But don’t worry when you move to Brighton, I’ll make sure you always feel like you.” “Oh?” You hummed, “When I move to Brighton?”

He chuckled, clearly just as affected by the champagne as you had been. “Let me fantasize a bit, alright?”

You grinned, leaning your head against his shoulder, “Tell me about it. Your fantasy.”

He smiled, wrapping an arm around you. “Alright. In my fantasy, you’ve moved to Brighton. We have plans to live together, but we haven’t moved in together yet because we’re still trying to find a good place with three rooms. One room for us, an office, and a guest room or music room, depending on if we have guests or not. You’re working with my band to edit some of our lyrics and just things that we write. We go to the beach at night and have a good time, swimming or just goofing around. When I go on tour, you join me. Eventually, we move in together, and we take a year just traveling the world, going everywhere we can think, and then maybe choosing one of those places to settle down in. Then, we just live happily together, not worried about trivial things. Then, every decision, we make together from then on, as a pair.”

You smiled, hiding your face against his shoulder. It sounded lovely, though likely unviable, as much as you wished the opposite. “That sounds nice.”

He nodded softly, not saying more. He just held you close. 

Neither of you spoke for a long while. His phone chimed after a while, and he stood, grabbing your hands and pulling you up.

“It’s almost midnight.” He smiled, and he walked you both outside. You were immediately met with the freezing cold, and he wrapped his arms around you to try and combat the frigid air. You leaned into his embrace, looking up at the stars.  

He kissed your cheek gently, staring up with you, “Penny for your thoughts?” 

You smiled softly, “I feel small. In the last two weeks, every tiny problem has felt overwhelming. But now, compared to everything, it feels insignificant. I feel insignificant. And not in a bad way, just more in a way that… I don’t know, maybe I should try and just live a little more.”

He hummed softly, “It is kind of a nice feeling. There’s an entire world around us that doesn’t care about a single thing we say or do. The way I see it, we should just do everything that makes us happy. None of it might matter, but at least we’ll be happy.  That makes it matter.” 

You nodded, “Yeah. That’s true. I suppose we have to find reasons to make this shit matter. In the philosophical sense, at least, life is meaningless until we choose what has meaning.”

“So what gives it meaning for you?” 

You thought for a long moment. “A few things. Getting my degree. Finally feeling free,” you sighed. “Truthfully, a lot of them lead back to you.” 

“Me?”

“Yeah. I look forward to my future now, more than I ever have, because I know I’ll have my best friend with me. I look forward to moving on the off chance that we’ll be close to each other. Things that used to stress me out, you find a way to calm them. Like finding a job. Even if I don’t love the idea now of potentially working for you, maybe I will later on, and just knowing that I’d have a potential choice brings me hope. It’s choice, I think, that guides a lot of my meanings back to you. Before you walked back into my life, I didn’t feel like I had a choice for any of my future decisions. I was still pleased with the idea of working in English and such, but I just figured that I’d be forced to take the first job I found, relocate where they told me to, and spend the rest of my life living under the guise of another. But you’ve brought the idea of choice back to me. And that puts so much more meaning into life, and especially the future, even if I am still scared to death of it.”

As if on queue, the sky lit up with fireworks, shining over the overgrown backyard, casting your own private spotlight. 

“Happy New Year’s, darling,” he whispered, turning to face you. He placed a hand on your cheek, gently pulling you in for a long, loving kiss that made your body match the fireworks in the sky. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and when you finally pulled away, you pressed your forehead against his gently. Your breath and his mixed in frosted puffs, but you felt warm despite the cold around you. Your nose and ears were tinged pink, your fingertips even paler at their home on Wilbur’s cheeks. You both pulled away to stare at the fireworks as they cascaded over the midnight stars.

Once the fireworks had ended, leaving a haze of smoke over the stars, Wilbur took your hand. He pulled you in for another kiss, shorter this time. You smiled into the kiss, knowing even as the cold set into your bones, that you’d be content to stay in this moment forever. He chuckled when he pulled away from the kiss, taking your hand and tugging you inside. 

“C’mon. Let’s head up.”

You followed him inside, and while you went to go clean up, he kept your hand in his, not letting you move into the kitchen. 

“It’s tomorrow’s problem. Seriously. Although, there is one more thing we should do.” You rolled your eyes at him with a fond smile, “What is that?”

“Give me a second, don’t move!” He ran out of the room, returning quickly with a Polaroid. 

You chuckled softly when you saw the polaroid, turning towards him. He came to stand next to you again, pulling you into his side. He held the camera up, and you smiled up into the viewfinder. He waited for a moment, and right when you thought he was going to take the photo, he leaned over and kissed your cheek, snapping the photo the moment it happened. Your smile lit up when he kissed you, and you turned to him. 

“What was that for?” You chuckled softly.

He smiled, grabbing the photo as it came out of the Polaroid. “Wanted to make sure it was the real you smiling.”

You flushed, looking down out of shyness for a moment. He shook the photo for a moment before setting it down to give it time to develop. He put his camera back away, came back, and picked up the photo. He smiled fondly at it, before turning the photo to you.

“I think it’s the best photo I’ve ever seen.” When he showed you the photo, it was like a gear turned. You finally saw what he meant when he spoke about your smile because you looked genuinely happy, a foreign thing for you to see. 

“I agree,” you spoke softly, smiling up at him. “Can I take a photo of it?”

He nodded, and you took out your phone to take a photo of the Polaroid. “I’d let you keep it, but honestly, I’m feeling a bit selfish towards it. Plus, you get my jumpers, I get this. Even exchange.”

You laughed softly, giving him a quick kiss, grinning, and speaking through it, “I would say so.” 

He chuckled, happily kissing you back and wrapping his arms around your waist. He pulled away, resting his hand against the small of your back as you both walked back upstairs. You both changed into pajamas, and you started packing up the rest of your clothes. You started pulling out your clothes for the next day when Wilbur came and wrapped his arms around your back. 

“Will, what are you up to?” You chuckled softly. 

He smiled, kissing the top of your head, “Nothing. Just reminding you how comfortable my arms are, and how nice it would be to leave this for tomorrow and head to bed.”

You smiled fondly, leaning back in his arms, “You feeling cuddly or something?”

He pulled you in tighter, chuckling, “Maybe. Now, c’mon. It’s late, and I know you’re tired.”

With a sigh, you relinquished. “Okay. We’ll have the time tomorrow anyway.”

He pulled away, but only so he could turn you around and pull you into bed with him. You moved into his arms, relaxing against him quietly. He smiled, leaning down to kiss you languidly. The kiss elevated to multiple, going into a full-on makeout, but it wasn’t fiery and fast, it was calm and loving. Each second made you yearn more and more for some timeline where you weren’t leaving tomorrow. 

You pulled away after some time, and his hand met your cheek, thumb slowly rubbing over your skin in a soothing manner. You smiled in return, gently playing with his hair. He made a pleased noise when you did so, and you leaned forward to peck his lips gently.

“Goodnight, Wilbur.”

“Goodnight, darling.”

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