#do you understand my dilemma/j

[battlecriesandroses]

i hate spring i hate summer when will the pain end

[dorislitterbox]

SERIES: Echo Of Dreams

Synopsis: 7 dream, a group of friends at school, has caught themselves in a dilemma. A new virus outbreak has started near their school, the seven of them will have to stick together in order to survive.

TW: character death, zombies, death, gore (blood, bones, decay), angst, anything that irks you about zombies, offing ones own life.

masterlist

©DORISLITTERBOX all rights reserved

do not copy my work. 1k+ words

A/N: Hey cznies, hope you like the first part of this series, if you enjoyed it please like, reblog and follow. Updates should be pretty frequent.

1. Everyone Hates Mondays

The weeks leading up to summer vacation were tedious to say the least. A group of seven boys had a knack for skipping morning classes on Mondays, choosing to meet up at lunch time to engage in a bit of chat until their extracurriculars began.

Mark Lee the designated 'leader' of the group, sat at one of the corners of the table. Usually, he would opt to wear proper school attire but on this particular Monday it was far too hot to wear anything other than the basic dress pants, shirt and vest the school provided. His blonde hair stood out among the crowd of students, who in contrast to him, all wore their hair in natural colors. Chenle sat facing Mark, he had basketball practice in the afternoon so he chose to wear sweatpants and a short sleeved dress shirt for a quick change. Lee Haechan, notorious for being the troublemaker of the group sat next to their leader, complaining, once again, about the texture of the food they got served.

"I just can't understand why our school just won't feed us decent food, this shit has been the same flavorless slop for years" Haechan loudly exclaimed.

"I think the purpose of the food is too keep us alive for the day, not exactly to be a five star Michelin meal" stated Mark. Chenle giggled at the older boys attempts at damage control.

Haechan scoffs, "I should file a complaint to Renjun, I heard he got elected for Head of Student Council, maybe he can take my complaints to the school administrators."

"So you got wind of the news" said Renjun plopping down next to Chenle, " I got Head position".

" I expected nothing less from our model student, congratulations!" Haechan starts to clap loudly in the rather quiet canteen causing other students to join in on his boisterous celebration for his friend. Renjun ducks his head down and silently cursed at him at the poignant display of celebration. The other three wheeze with laughter at Renjun's humiliation, "Now I can get 'my friend is the Head of student council' privileges" Haechan states.

"You wish, I already marked you down for not being in proper school attire". Renjun fires back

"What the heck? you know that this look is my signature style" he said pointing to his black shirt which was an obvious violation of the school dress code, "White washes me out, if I can't be the smartest I can sure as hell be the hottest". The comment collected a cumulative groan from all the boys at the table, " What? it's not like it's a huge problem, I'll just wear my school jacket over it." he says raising his hands.

"What did we miss?" 3 boys approached the table. A tall boy with black hair that was buzzed at the sides, another with light pink hair and one with a dark brown shade. All of three of them had similar broad shoulders and strong statures. "We heard clapping from here and assumed that Haechan was up to one of his antics" joked the black haired boy.

With only six chairs at the table, the boy with the pink hair skillfully plucked an unoccupied chair from an adjacent table and sat down at the head of the table. "I can only assume it's because our class president got Head of StuCo" he teased Renjun, lightly shaking his shoulders.

"How come you three look like a boy band?" questioned Mark, as the three boys wore similarly styled clothes.

The pink haired boy sets down his utensils and clapped to gain the attention of everyone at the table. "Triple J" he says with gusto.

"What!?!" Haechan and Chenle laugh out.

"Ya, stop laughing, it stands for Jaemin, Jeno and Jisung" Jaemin says proudly.

"I mean that's obvious but what's the occasion?" Chenle says.

"We are starting a new gym club at school" Jeno says while digging into his home-cooked meal of chicken breast and rice. Jisung nods in agreement. "It was only right to name it after ourselves".

"I suggested "Narcissism", you know to encourage confidence, but the school administrators said it was too inappropriate for school". Jaemin complains.

Mark who had been on his phone, suddenly stilled in his seat. " Yo guys there's news of some attacks near the school, apparently some kids are fighting... no biting one another?"

"What? that's absurd, probably the weird stoner kids getting freaky" joked Haechan. Jeno, Jaemin and Chenle sharing a laughter at the comment. While Renjun and Jisung got up from their seats and huddled around Mark's phone.

"Bro that's freaky" Jisung said, "Why do they look like that?"

"What if its a zombie outbreak?" Renjun ponders.

"What are you on about?" Haechan rolls his eyes and casts his eyes on Mark's phone, " Wait why do they look like that?"

A loud bang on the canteen window startles the 7 boys. A girl starts to scream at the students from outside, but nothing is heard as the windows were reinforced to be soundproof. Renjun tries to read the lips of the girl. When he manages to decipher her desperate pleas and the words 'help me' escapes his own lips the girl is suddenly thrown to the ground by a boy. The canteen sits in silence. Until blood splatters across the panes of the windows like a gruesome painting. Some scream, some are paralyzed by shock and some get up to access the mauled body.

"Get the fuck up we're getting out of here" states Renjun. Everyone gets up from the table. Jaemin and Jeno gear up with chairs while Haechan fills his pockets with the biscuits that were served to them and Mark proposes they make their way to the second floor and hunker down in a classroom. Their actions are halted by the sound of glass shattering. The world went silent, the window was broken, they were going to get in. The realization washes across the mind of every boy at that table like a cool breeze, leaving them frozen in fear. The words 'run!' pierces their dazed state before they dash out of the doomed canteen.

[simpjaes]

u liking metal aswell is wild cuz as u said people who like metal usually dont fw kpop & vice versa 😭 people who cut others off cuz of the music they listen to are sooo odd i’ll never understand that!! i mean who cares cuz at the end of the day ure the one enjoying the music, not them

best believe if u yap abt ggs or female soloists again my ass will be all up in ur inbox ..

me talkin bout music n sharing songs i love:

i don't think i said ppl who like metal usually don't fuck with kpop, as i know there's a huuuuuuuuge amount of ppl who listen to both music genres but like, i was strictly into metal for a long time, and most of my friends were metal heads and met through bands i loved, i guess it could be expected when i pop out with the super junior rokkugo back in the day like "THIS MY FAVE SONG RN"

i can't tell you how many friends i lost because of the elitism when it comes to music. don't get me wrong, im egotistical as fuck when it comes to what i listen to but i also don't judge until the judgement is dropped on me lmfao. i did lose some friends even when i was still a metal whore and started my love with dir en grey. always "they're too gay" "they look like women" and "how can u even understand that?!"

those same ppl argued they preferred me when i would fixate on dir en grey rather than big bang and suju (mind you, this was a long time ago. i do not stan super junior.)

either way!!!! im a big fan of music. BIG BIG FAN OF MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!! boy groups are usually what i gravitate towards in terms of kpop but i very much enjoy girl groups too.

MUSIC SHARE TIME:

GG & SOLOIST FAVES: bad boy | sweet juice | zombie | silent night | noir | dilemma | lalalilala | not kpop but this song is saaaaaaur good, LISTEN TO IT.

BG & SOLOIST FAVES: slow dive | up | all for love | yestoday (still one of my all time faves) | don't leave me | lullaby | wild fire | opening sequence | cyber punk | moonwalker | perfume | flicker | i can keep going but you'll see how biased i am to boy groups lmfao. not included: taemin, shinee, exo, j-hope, agust d, jackson wang, dawn, pentagon, b.a.p, tvxq, kang daniel, oneus, xikers.........and im rambling

OTHER FAVES: mosaic shojo | everything is all lies | to the hellfire | shokubeni | neo ark | ruten no tou

I STAND BY THE STATEMENT THAT THESE COULD BE CONSIDERED THE BEST SONGS EVER MADE!

[soup-for-ghosts]

talk ant temenos. for the ask thing :3

First impression

something along the lines of “wow this guy is so funny what is wrong with him (affectionate)” and the murder mystery neuron kicking in

Impression now

oh so THAT’S what’s wrong with him. ok. genuinely one of my favorite characters ever, and uh. also ow? what the heck?? I wasn’t prepared for a personal callout post!!

but yeah temenos is such a good character… and while I do have a few gripes with how his story was handled, I have no gripes with how he himself was written. and those ex skills… so many thoughts about those… I could go into more depth into my thoughts on him but I’ll save that for another place at another time

Favorite moment

all of them /j

ok but seriously, I loooooove the scenes with arcanette. I hate her. I hate her so much, but oooooo those scenes are so goooooood… the placid mask dialogue hits… I didn’t trust mindt from the beginning, but THIS was something else. him yelling at her not to speak of everyone he’s lost in the process of getting here… gahhh it’s just so good….

Idea for a story

uh?? idk what to put for this

Unpopular opinion

also dunno what to say for this one really

Favorite relationship

ok I have two and yes they’re the obvious ones

first is his relationship with crick which give me the 🤨 look all you want but listen. I’m not even talking about the ship this time, I just mean their general dynamic, which yes is very goofy at times but it’s also so complex and interesting. especially when you get into everything crick tells him in chapter 3 stormhail. I don’t like.. I don’t like crick’s death from a literary perspective, idk I just never enjoyed characters being killed for the sole purpose of making you hate the villain or for the emotional appeal particularly when said character is clearly at their lowest point. meeting temenos lead to crick having to learn to doubt (for lack of a better term pf) everything he has ever known, and that has practically brought him to a pit of despair in chapter 3 stormhail and idk I think he deserved the chance to claw his way out of that pit and actually get to learn what faith really means to him and stuff. and also it would be interesting for temenos’ character if one person survived, he already pushes people away out of fear of losing them, if he thought it was just happening again, but it didn’t, he still lived, how would he react to that? how would he develop and move on from that? idk it’s just more interesting to me, but again, conversation for another day, the important part is, their dynamic is very fun and also genuinely interesting, and I like how their characters develop throughout the game because of each other

the second is everyone’s favorite detective duo, temenos and throné. I am a claudelet temenos truther, so siblingisms real, but besides that, their crossed paths and travel banters really hit me I think. my favorite travel banter of all time is one of theirs, “the wool dilemma,” from throné chapter 3 father’s route. wherein throné asks temenos to tell her a story to get her mind off of all. that. and he tells her about this wool dilemma, where wool keeps the sheep warm, but because of that, a lamb never truly feels the warmth of their parents. throné’s response is “I’m not a sheep,” and that to me speaks volumes. she understood exactly why temenos chose this story to tell her, she understands him perfectly. and that’s saying a lot! temenos has a travel banter with osvald in his chapter 5 where osvald explicitly states that temenos never says what he means and it is very confusing and people are bound to misunderstand him. osvald, resident genius scholar, struggles to understand temenos, but throné understands him perfectly. and then their crossed paths… they both have a lot of pent up grief that they are not really… addressing or conveying and they end up working together to tie loose ends both for themselves and others. alpates…… but yeah, they’re a very good duo and the devs made a very good decision having them as a crossed paths duo. I like them a lot….

Favorite headcanon

silly one, but I always loved the headcanon that his eyes glow blue when he’s doing his little “the truth lies in the flame” thing. it’s just fun to me pf, also it looks sick as hell, especially when it’s used outside of just those segments and in scenes like the battle against kaldena and stuff

[adagioapassionato]

playlist focus. 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 (when living gets tiring)

So…you’d think that getting recognition from a band you’ve idolised for a year would push you to create more of the same type of content…right? Not for me, apparently. It’s not that I didn’t want to, or don’t have multiple almost-finished pieces about the music I love ready to share with the world. I suppose life got in the way – and when living itself felt exhausting and confusing, I couldn’t focus on creating the way I wanted to.

But I realized a few days ago that music had still carried me through this confusing and tough time in my life. Early in June, when I’d find myself in tears multiple times a week, I compiled a playlist of songs for when the going got too hard and I didn’t feel like carrying on. In this post I describe a few select songs from that list that are particularly close to my heart!

The playlist is named in Korean, after the lyrics of Find Me! by The Poles (of course, one of Daniel’s songs again!) – 사는게 지겨워질 때쯤 , which means ‘when living gets tiring.’ The entire first verse goes, “when living gets tiring/and the world feels like its ending/and taking a breath feels like imagining/because that would be better/find me in this world.” So I guess, it’s the music I come back to when I don’t feel like carrying on, so that I find the strength to move forward again.

There are two categories of songs I added to the playlist. While we feel tired and stressed often, we may look for different kinds of catharsis and comfort, even if the feeling is essentially the same. The first category encompassed sad songs that really describe breaking down, being stressed, being uncertain. They provide a mirror that suggests you’re not alone in your feelings, without forcing any solutions or positivity in your face. The second group of songs provide comforting reassurance: they accept that times are hard, but also feel like a warm hug from a friend assuring you that everything will work out soon.

1. What If… by j-hope

I ended up listening to j-hope’s Jack In The Box album for the first time almost a year after he released it. When I did, I wondered why I’d been depriving myself of listening to an album made with so much heart and emotion. At the same time, though, I felt like his songs had found me at the perfect time – I wouldn’t have connected to them a year ago the way I did now.

The whole album focuses on j-hope’s worries for the future, but the desperation and anxiety for the future conveyed in ‘What If…’ is palpable, from the desperate piano riff to the repeating shouts of “what if, what if, I have no…” in the chorus. j-hope’s focus on the dilemma between staying positive and giving into spiraling anxiety about the future particularly stood out to me. He reflects on whether he can truly call himself by the name ‘hope’, when he often does not really feel hopeful about the future. During a period of uncertainty, I was often told to ‘be positive,’ ‘stay optimistic’ and keep moving forward. However, you’re bound to get exhausted by being positive all the time. This song connected to the frequent periods of confusion and worry I faced, where I wondered whether it was pointless to be so positive all the time in case I’d just end up with nothing anyway. After all, I could hardly see where the road ahead of me was leading. The repeating questions throughout the song – ‘Can I do this? (Let me think) Can I do it?’, “What if I have no hope? What if I have no dream? What I have no house?” echoed my exact worries about beginning a new chapter of my life.

j-hope is someone who can truly call himself ‘hope’, because he understands what it is to want to move forward with optimism, but struggle with it at the same time; to wonder what would happen if all of a sudden, despite your best efforts, you were to lose everything – “what if I have nothing? Can I do that shit?” Even in a song where he expresses the deepest worries of his heart, he echoed my own worries and provided me comfort. I thus held this song, and the Jack In The Box album, very close during this time!

2. Ajj Din Chadheya by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

This song unexpectedly touched my heart during this period too. It directly addresses God, and begs him to end a long period of suffering and frustration. I grew to become more spiritual during this period of my life as it gave me hope, thus, I could see myself asking the very same things of God that this song does. The melodies of the song are sweet and accompanied by a harmonious piano, as though kindly expressing one’s frustrations to God and requesting him to give us his blessings.

The second verse of the song particularly struck me. He sings (translated from Hindi):

“I only asked for what’s mine, What is it to you? It’s not as though I’ve asked you to give me heaven What sort of a God are you, Who only exists in name, That you couldn’t do even this much for me? Please, just let me receive what I want.”

This verse really resonated with me – when you feel as though you’re trying everything you can to get what you want, what you believe you even deserve, but somehow the universe seems to keep it from you. At this point, you can do nothing but ask the universe what is preventing you from getting what you’ve desired for so long. The song beautifully conveys frustration with God by questioning if he even exists, but also has a pleading tone that requests him to finally end this pain and stress. It’s a beautiful take on faith that shows even the most difficult parts of trying to keep it, while still relying on it to pull through a difficult time. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s open, emotional voice beautifully conveys this spiritual but incredibly human conversation with God.

I truly love how many Hindi songs outline a similar conversation with God. I wanted to include more in this post, but I wanted to vary the selection I describe here a bit. If you listen to the playlist, do check out ‘Arziyan’ by Javed Ali for some very heartrending but beautiful music!

3. everythingoes by RM

RM’s ‘mono.’ playlist always has so much emotional meaning to me for being with me during every one of my tough times. I think Namjoon’s music has a beautiful quality of mirroring your pain and struggles in the most comforting way possible. With this song, he takes even the cliched statement of “this too shall pass” or “everything will pass” and turns it into a message of perseverance and hope.

The gentle tones of Namjoon’s singing that repeat the words, “It all passes, someday, for sure, certainly…It passes” really ensure this simple message is ingrained in our minds. His soft singing contrasts the increasing desperation of his voice during the rap section. While he uses beautiful imagery of change – “Just as night leaves and morning comes/The spring leaves and summer comes, but/Just like the flower wilts and the fruit grows ripe” – he states, contrastingly, that “everything needs to go through pain.” Thus, he accepts that even beautiful experiences pass and change. Similarly, while endings and change feel painful and sad, they pass to reveal something even more beautiful, that will then go through the same cycle of ending and change.

Namjoon also suggests that while it can be hard to believe in “unclear words saying to have strength” and “the lies that it’s all just the way things are,” we can simply pray that we become “better adults,” or people who can control our responses and accept that everything changes and passes. I love how he subverts cliched words of comfort and instead tells us to hold on with hope for a better future. The song is truly such a balm for troubling times and I always revisit it when I feel low.

4. The Story by Conan Gray

A lot of Conan’s music feels like it was written just for me. The whole ‘Kid Krow’ album especially has a lot of songs that really felt like a hug through my hard times. I’m really happy to say that I watched Conan perform this song live, and it was absolutely beautiful to sing it with him and feel with him the hopeful tones of his music. Before performing it, he explained that the song was very personal to him – he said that although he went through a lot as a child and was tired of being told he should ‘be strong’, the fact that he was able to perform for us like this showed just how much better things could get, and even if it feels like it, it’s really not the end of the story.

The lyrics of the song focus on love and friendship, and tell each story briefly but impactfully such that they really strike the heart – the first verse, for example:

“Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl It’s kinda short, kinda boring, but the end is a whirl They were just sixteen and the people were mean So they didn’t love themselves, and now they’re gone Headstones on a lawn…”

I really love the way Conan assures us that even though the world is harsh and life can be hard, it’s still “not the end of the story” – “Oh and I’m afraid that’s just the way the world works/But I think that it could work for you and me/Just wait and see/It’s not the end of the story.” The song is very simply composed – Conan’s voice is left bare an accompanied by just a piano and guitar, which makes it feel more personal as though he’s telling these stories only to you. This song feels like a conversation with your best friend late at night as you pour your hearts out to each other – and that’s one of the many reasons it gives me so much hope and reassurance.

5. New Youth (새소년) by SE SO NEON

I ended up discovering Se So Neon when I more recently got into the Korean indie scene – I truly enjoy Hwang Soyoon’s silvery voice that manages to convey a versatile range of emotions. Through its sound alone, this song feels like a lullaby. The song is titled Se So Neon (새소년) in Korean too – thus, the band’s name and this song both signify ‘new youth.’

The song touched me because of its focus on the ‘new youth’ of today – it spoke to me as someone in their ‘youth’ who was rather struggling with being in that phase of life. I think many young people experience disillusionment with their dreams – they want to achieve so much, but they realise how difficult it is to build one’s own life in today’s world and society. I love how Soyoon captures this when she sings, “The time you had hoped for passes by/We walked on without a word/I guess we had already been forsaken.” Having gone through a global pandemic and then trying to regain your footing in the world after it ends, it feels like all the moments we’ve hoped for never seem to go the way we expect, and all we can do is walk ahead wondering if this was how it was always meant to be.

I also really liked the bridge of the song:

“Ah, new youth, we’ve already been born Ah, let’s breathe in deeply Ah, us forsaken new youth, Ah, let’s breathe in deeply”

It feels so gentle and comforting – it accepts the feeling of being left out, forsaken and struggling to make a life for yourself. It then asks you to just take a breath for a minute and feel that you are alive. And yet, somehow, we still find it in us to run towards the future – “the future sees a light, far over there/It keeps illuminating me, it calls to me, I run to it” “I aimed for and ran away to the time that was visible to me.” Thus, she asks us to keep going as best we can, to move forward and make the choices that we know best despite struggling and feeling forsaken. The regular rhythms, soothing melodies and Soyoon’s voice like a lullaby all make this such a wonderful song to listen to during times like these.

6. The Same (우리에게 필요한건) by The Poles

And finally, the song that inspired me to make this entire post! I heard this song a long time ago, but on a particularly hard day, the lyrics of the chorus played on my mind continuously – “어지러운 날들이 다시 괜찮아질 거야” (those dizzy days will become okay once again). I listened to the song and checked what the lyrics meant, and somehow, it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment, just like the song’s Korean title, 우리에게 필요한건 (What we/I need). The chorus is particularly so special: “As we look at the same place/We’ll once again walk the same path/Those dizzy days/Will be okay again.” What a beautiful way to say: remember where it is you want to go and what you are moving towards, and before you know it, the dizziness of uncertainty will settle down again.

It also reminds me not to try to control the future. The second verse:

“Let’s be swept away If we float to that place far away Not needing anything at all […] Let’s float without getting hurt…”

It urges you to do what you can and just allow the present to happen around you – float with it and see where it takes you into the future. Go without expectation, “not needing anything at all.” It’s beautiful how a song called “what we need” shows that what we truly need is to not need anything at all – to not expect anything of the world and float with it, seeing where life takes you.

Daniel’s music, especially with The Poles, has a particularly beautiful way of providing comfort. Here, the loud rhythm of the drums and guitar, and the powerful vocals really contrast the soothing vibe of the lyrics. I like to think that it’s a symbol of the strength it takes to move ahead in life with no expectations even while you’re struggling. The way this song came back to me when I felt low makes it so special to me – I really dream of seeing The Poles performing it live, though I think it would make me tear up a lot!

These are a few songs that helped me through hard and stressful times – I really enjoyed compiling this playlist and listening to it be exactly what I needed when I was struggling. I hope it can be some comfort to you too – thank god we always have music no matter how hard life gets!

Here’s the whole playlist if you would like to listen to it, I will keep updating it:

Spotify

YouTube Music

(P.S.: I will try and write more posts in the coming months – I have quite a few ideas, and now that my brain is working again I think I’ll be able to execute them too!! Please look forward to them!)

References for translated lyrics (if it’s not linked, I translated it myself!):

What If

everythingoes

New Youth

The Same

[ink-flavored]

soft asks! 🥀🌾 im so torn between saying pride and justice (and) or feriha just cause i love hearing about her too hehe

thank you!! i will help your dilemma and do one of each! :3

🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?

I'll do Feriha for this one. I think she'd decorate it with physical things, like dried flowers or scraps of paper as keepsakes, bird feathers, etc. etc. She'd use it like a daily journal, cataloguing her day and the things that happened very matter-of-factly.

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them

This one is for the P&J fellas. Because they are in love <3 And I kinda wanna write this in their voices so here we go--

Pride, about Justice:

Oh, where do I fucking START? For a dude who flipped Heaven the bird, you'd think he'd have less of a stick up his ass. Can't go two minutes without getting a lecture about "manners" or "common sense" or "basic public decency." Yawn. Over it.

Like, I'm just saying. He's NOT in Heaven anymore, right? But he's still so fuckin' nervous about being a perfect little angel, can't go two steps without dropping everything to fix some random person's issues. Helping people is fine, whatever, but it's like he never gives himself a break. I want to shake him sometimes, you know? Lay off the personal responsibility for five minutes, you don't have Gabriel checking your quarterly reports this week, or whatever the fuck.

I don't know. Maybe him being nice to literally everyone isn't so bad. He's nice to me, even though he probably shouldn't be. It saved my life, so I guess I should thank him for it. He's also a huge nerd, which is hilarious. I can't believe he got fake glasses for fun, what a dork.

Justice... makes me feel like I suck. But in a good way? I want to... suck less, so I'm worth it for him. That's probably dumb. But I don't know what else to say. He makes me feel like it's possible for me to not suck one day.

Justice, about Pride:

Pride is... a handful. He's very loud, he can be inconsiderate, he can't ever admit he was wrong, and no matter how many times I tell him not to smoke in the house, he seemingly can't help himself from wearing his horns to bed and making everything in his room stink. Sometimes I wonder if he even listens to me.

He's been through so much pain, though. I try to remember that. No matter how annoyingly stubborn or impossible to talk to he can be, it's all because he thought for centuries he would always be alone. I can feel it all the time, this... constant guilt and rage in him. I can't hate him, I can't even try. It takes a lot of patience to understand him, but I don't regret a single second of it.

Because he's also fiercely protective of people he loves. He's passionate, he's encouraging, he does whatever he likes without thinking about what other people might tell him. All his choices are his own, for better or worse, and I admire him for that. He's slow to trust, but once he feels like he won't be hurt by you, Pride is a beautiful person. Someone worth abandoning Heaven for.

[send me a soft OC ask]

[bus-stop-to-kpop]

Here to save Thanksgiving (Juyeon x Reader)

Pairing: Lee Jyueon x gn!Reader; ex!Kim Sunwoo x Reader

Requested?: kinda? (someone asked for a part 2, but I’m not sure if this is what they had in mind...)

Genre: fluff, slight angst, college!au, fake dating!au

Trigger Warnings!!: mentions of cheating, mentions of breakup

Summary: You jokingly suggest for Juyeon to be your fake boyfriend to this years thanksgiving dinner, after last years dilemma of your sister introducing your ex as her new boyfriend, not expecting to actually find Juyeon on your  doorstep as dinner is being served. But since he's there now, why not make the best of it?

Word Count: 2,146

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving everyone, hope you have fun with this one.

It’s the part 2 to my story Thanksgiving but you can also read it separately, I think - Admin J

"Wait, so what you're saying is that your ex is now your sisters boyfriend?" You chuckled a little at Juyeon's baffled face. "Yeah, that is exactly what I'm saying." Juyeon was the best friend of your room mate's boyfriend, so the four of you would often have lunch together, ditching the stuffy cafeteria for some café or pizza place, just like today. However your room mate and her boyfriend excused themselves a while ago.

Which left Juyeon and you to talk about god knows what, while finishing your pizzas and somehow getting to the topic of Thanksgiving that was just around the corner. Juyeon told you his family never really celebrated it, so that just left more time for you to talk about the unfortunate events you experienced the past few Thanksgivings.

Two years ago, your boyfriend Kim Sunwoo, broke up with you shortly before Thanksgiving, saying he wanted to concentrate on his soccer career. Leaving you heartbroken and moping around in your dorm, not in the mood to join your families Thanksgiving celebration.

One year ago you went home for Thanksgiving to be introduced to your sister's boyfriend. Only for it to be exactly the person you did not want to see ever again after breaking your heart, Kim Sunwoo.

This year you dreaded going home, knowing Sunwoo would be there again, but not going would probably earn you more bashful comments from your family members. It's not like anyone would actually be paying attention to you, when Sunwoo was there as the 'newest family member', you hated when they called him that. Your sister and him were only dating, it's not like they were married.

"The only way to stop them from talking about Sunwoo, would be to bring my own boyfriend." You mentioned as you got up to put your plate away. "But you don't have one?" Juyeon's eyebrows were furrowed trying to understand where you were trying to go with this.

"Exactly so I'd need someone to be my fake boyfriend, but who would do that for me." You shrugged it's not like you were really considering this, it was just a joke. You didn't have many male friends, hell you weren't even sure if you would consider Juyeon a friend of yours, after all he only spend time with you because you were the room mate of his best friend's girlfriend. A friendly acquaintance maybe.

"I would." Juyeon casually said as you were walking back to Campus. You chuckled "Yeah, right. See you at Thanksgiving then." You waved as your paths split, him walking to the football field for practice, while you were making your way to the library to finish an assignment.

It was all a joke, for Juyeon too, or that's what you thought.

~*~ "Y/N! Did you get the good plates out?" Your mom called out to you from the kitchen as she was doing the last preparations for dinner. "Yes Mom! The table is all set, don't worry. We can eat as soon as you're done." You called back, suppressing the annoyed tone you wanted to use so she wouldn't get mad.

It wasn't her fault you were annoyed, no, that was sorely the fault of your sister and your ex being all cuddly on the sofa while talking to your aunt and grandma. How come you had to do everything, while they were allowed to relax? It's been a year since your relatives had seen you as well, but other than the casual 'How have you been?' none of them were interested in you. Sunwoo hadn't even spared you a glance ever since you walked through the front door.

After a while your mother called you to help her bring out the food  as the rest of the family and Sunwoo, were taking their assigned places at the table. Just like last year your seat was directly across from Sunwoo.

As everyone was getting ready to dig in the sound of the doorbell almost made your dad drop the knife he was using to cut the turkey. "Who is that?" His voice was angry, who dared to disturb his family dinner?

"Don't worry Dad, I'll go look who it is." You said, reassuring him that they should start eating without you. When you opened the door, your eyes widened in shock seeing who it was.

"Juyeon what are you doing here?" You whispered frantically not wanting to get the attention of your family. "I'm here to save your thanksgiving and be your boyfriend." Juyeon said, smiling his signature smile. "That was a joke Juyeon." Had he not realized you were joking back then? "Oh." Apparently not.

"How did you even get my address?" You didn't remember ever telling him where your family lived. "I asked your room mate." He admitted, shyly scratching the nape of his neck.

"Y/N! Who's at the door." The impatient voice of your aunt rang through the hallway. She was probably trying to tell everyone about her next marriage and wanted you to come back to the table as soon as possible.

"Well since you're here already come inside." You stepped away from the door to let Juyeon inside, taking the box of cake he was holding from him so that he could take off his shoes.

As you came back into the living room with Juyeon following closely behind you a collective gasp came from your family. "Who's this handsome young man?" Your grandma was immediately being nosy.

"Everyone, that is Juyeon, my ..." "Boyfriend. I'm Y/N's boyfriend, nice to meet you. I apologize for disturbing you during dinner." Juyeon ended your unsure sentence himself, with a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts.

"Oh no, not at all! Sit down and tell us more!" Your aunt jumped up to make space for Juyeon on the seat next to you, your mother went to bring another set of cutlery. As Juyeon took a seat he greeted Sunwoo with a simple nod, getting the same back from said ex of yours.

"Oh do you know each other?" Your sister asked Sunwoo excitedly, hoping that her and your boyfriend would get along well. "Briefly." Sunwoo answered with a pressed face. You knew Sunwoo had never been a fan of the football team but you didn't think seeing Juyeon with you would bother him that much. You loved it.

"We used to go to the same university, but I haven't seen him since he switched schools. We were both on sport teams." Juyeon mentioned. "You're a soccer player as well?" Your dad asked moving slightly forward in his seat next to Sunwoo to listen to Juyeon better.

"No Sir, I'm a football player." Juyeon responded politely. "Now that's what I'm talking about! Football is a real sport for men." You tried hiding your laugh at the way Sunwoo reacted to your father's exclamation by putting some food on Juyeon's plate as he was too busy talking to your family to do it himself. Sure your father liked soccer, as almost every man his age did, but his heart would always be beating for football.

"How did the two of you meet?" Your sister asked curiously. Not once had you mentioned Juyeon in any of your texts or calls. You always were too busy to have long phone calls so she wondered if Juyeon was the reason you had so little time for your sister. As a matter of fact you simply didn't want to hear her go on and on about her relationship with Sunwoo.

"Ah, well..." Juyeon looked at you with slight panic in his eyes. You had not come up with any story about your relationship. He was unsure how to answer your sister's question.

You put your hand over his, both your cheeks lighting up slightly at the gesture as you smiled at your sister, "He's the best friend of my room mate's boyfriend. They introduced us." It wasn't a lie, that was the exact way the two of you had met. Juyeon smiled at you for saving him from the question. Your aunt squealing in the background about your cute interaction.

Juyeon barely got to eat with all the questions that were thrown at him. However the longer he was sitting down with your family the more he warmed up to them. He didn't seem to mind it at all, answering every question that was thrown at him, with more and more details.

Sometimes you would chime in as well. It was fun recalling all the moments in your relationship, like that one time you fell asleep at the library and refused to wake up so Juyeon had to carry you back to your dorm, or the time Juyeon dedicated his last throw to you during a game and then completely missed, or the time you almost got kicked out of a McDonalds for throwing fries at each other.

All of these things had happened, just not to you. You were simply recalling some of the stories your room mate had told you about her and her boyfriend. Juyeon knew them too, having heard all of them from his best friend.

Meanwhile you're family was swooning over the stories about your relationship, complaining that you had not brought Juyeon over earlier. It was fun playing this role with Juyeon as you're boyfriend. So much fun that you didn't even notice the way Sunwoo's face scrunched up more with every story.

~*~

Later that evening, you found yourself back in your childhood bedroom, that your parents had transformed into their guestroom once you were gone for university, preparing some bed sheets for Juyeon. Your parents had insisted that he stayed the night, so he was now taking a shower. You could hear the water running in the bathroom, so the knock on your door surprised you. Who could it be?

"Sunwoo." The annoyance in your voice was clear. What could he possibly want from you? "Why him?" Sunwoo simply walked into your room, not caring if you wanted to let him in or not. "Excuse me?"

"Out of all the people you could date, it just had to be a guy from the football team?" "Hold up! Are you trying to tell me who I can date and who I can't date, when you're the one who cheated on me with my sister, told me you never had any feelings for me, and proceeded to date her despite finding out we're related?" You could tell Sunwoo was conflicted by your words.

All of what you said was true, he remembered the words coming out of his mouth a year ago, but seeing you with Juyeon today he was just bubbling over with rage. You were getting closer to him pressing a finger to his chest, trying your best not to raise your voice at him. "You should know your whole happy relationship depends on me. You really think Y/S/N would continue to date you once she finds out you're that shitty ex of mine she despises so much?" Your words were straight up venomous.

Before Sunwoo could retort anything, an arm wrapped around your shoulder, it was Juyeon's. He pulled you closer into his side, to the point you felt some of the water droplets in his hair fall onto your shoulder. "Is there a problem here?" He asked eyeing Sunwoo. "I think you should go back to your own room. Your girlfriends looking for you." Wordlessly Sunwoo left your room.

"Thanks Juyeon." "No problem, he was starting to annoy me. It's not like he has any say in your relationships, who does he think he is?" Juyeon scowled at the door that Sunwoo had just walked out of.

"No I mean everything. For coming to save my Thanksgiving and being my boyfriend." You recalled what he had said earlier at the door. He waved it off, "Anyone would have done that."

"No! That's the point! No one else would have done that for me. So really, Thank you." You hugged him lightly, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable. "Oh um, well I had fun and the food was great. Your mom really is an awesome cook." He stuttered out, slightly flustered by the hug.

~*~

A little while later you came back from the bathroom to find that Juyeon had made himself comfortable on one side of the bed. You slipped into the other. The two of you were just laying next to each, staring at the ceiling in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, no, it was rather calming.

"I could get used to this." Juyeon sighed as he turned his body towards you with a smile. You did the same, "Well my aunt is getting married soon, I still need a plus one for that. It would be quite weird if I didn't bring my boyfriend, right?"

[miyuwuki]

j’s announcements

hello again :)

i never thought my “small break” would turn into 6 months— AGAIN I AM SORRY. i finished school on a good note and took summer school and i just wanted to live my summer out? i worked a lot and spent a lot of time with friends and family :)

i fell out of the tumblr community and because writing is something i love to do, i didn’t want to continue because it felt like a chore. but i really missed writing on here and of course everyone who reads my works!

i am now in my second year, and to be honest things have been pretty rough. it is nothing like year one.

oh, and do you remember my crush dilemma? we are happily together now! happy and in love :>

that being said, things have been getting rough but writing on here is one of my healthiest coping mechanisms so i want to try and get back into it again :’)

thank you for being patient with me, it means the world to me! (i also apologize for not finishing the matchups ;-;)

in addition, i will be clearing all drafts and requests to start fresh. i will open my requests for a week until now! (ends 10/30/22)

let me know how you’ve been doing too! i missed you all sm ;-;

thank you for understanding.

xoxo,

j

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

My main man Michael Knight for character bingo!!!!

AYYY- This one's interesting really, especially because Season 2 Michael is basically,, an entirely different entity? As in, he's reached the end of his character arc and is actually a really, really nice dood. So I had to use two types of bingos, and I'll explain it further below. Here's the original post BTW.

If you can't read the image, don't worry, I'll say all the marked squares below. If you can, let me know if there is anything I can do to make it more legible next time--I mean, obviously, the squares are covered up, but I mostly mean with the colors. I almost used red and green, and then I remembered that, oh yeah, that really sucks for colorblindness. Now the saturation is still about the same, but anything much lighter or darker is less legible??? So yeah, any recommendations on that welcome.

Let's start with the reds, or Definite opinions.

They are soooo cool looking!

I dressed up as Michael Knight for Halloween a few years back, even though I wasn't fully sold on him as a character yet at that point. I was still healing from Season 1 (half kidding) ... but I did it because he is such a Vibe. Seriously, I felt so alive it wasn't even funny AISHDOAS- my final form /j

Michael is, aesthetically at least, literally everything I want to be (other than. y'know. male,,,). Immaculate. MUAH! He really does feel like a California Cowboy of sorts... and leather jackets are a gift to mankind by the way. I especially love how, in his classic leather jacket + red polo outfit at least, he coordinates with Kitt. So cute haodh

Wasted potential

I've been having a bit of a moral dilemma recently when it comes to the way I engage in this fandom, so I want to disclose fully here that, in real life, I don't think a robot can be on the same level of sentience as a human. Perhaps, as tech evolves, there will be AIs that are really, REALLY good at replicating it... but that won't be real. We're just people after all. We can develop really cool technology, and that's all great, but we shouldn't be trying to play God and think we can make actual life. We can't.

That said, within the confines of Knight Rider's fictional universe, Kitt is fully alive. Michael is the only character who has so much as a shot of really getting that. Devon understands theoretically what Kitt is meant to be, and Bonnie even understands mechanically, but Michael sees his personality. And it's strange, really, how the show sometimes treats this as important but sometimes Not. I really love how, in Trust Doesn't Rust, Michael is far more hesitant to go after Karr than anyone else, asking if it really is necessary. I truly wish they'd have taken that further in TDR, and involved it at ALL in Kitt vs. Karr. Season 2 is my favorite because it embraces this (more later), but even then, we didn't get to see the stage in between that brought him there. He went from a caring skeptic in S1 to full-on sap in S2. Honestly, I really believe there's a lesson there about not taking those around you for granted, that just because you don't understand someone doesn't mean they're any less worthy of love, that just because you know you care doesn't mean that they do. I never expected Knight Rider to become an arc-motivated show, but I did at least hope that the subtle throughline would stay more consistent.

They're deeper than they seem

Basically just above 2.0. He has an internal struggle I think, between wanting to trust his new family and having been burned by his old one (the police force I mean, especially Tanya). It takes him a good while to FULLY trust and understand Kitt--yes, the pilot is a big step in that direction and probably what the show writers meant to be the end of it, but I can't help but sense more. Is his best friend even REAL, y'know? Also probably PTSD. And ,,, EVERYTHING about Stevie, it almost feels like an entirely different mini-show in those episodes? Possibly even some imposter syndrome about how this new life isn't even HIS life, he's walking in the shoes of somebody else? I dunno, but there's a lot here.

Also, while I don't know if I'm down fully with the "Michael is ace" headcanon, because he's definitely willingly Done the Deed plenty as implied by certain episodes of the show (man I hate that sentence I'm sorry), I do love the idea that he's really not fulfilled by these relationships in the slightest. That behind the "not thoughts, head empty" smile he just wants something real, but has been dragged into a fake life and a surface-level existence. Feels bad man

They work better as part of a dynamic

Michael and Kitt, mostly. If Michael were by himself, Knight Rider would feel like just another Magnum PI, Hardcastle and McCormick, etc. Not that these shows are bad, Magnum PI has probably aged better than KR after all, but none of them captured my attention quite as much. Kitt,,, MIGHT be able to carry a show by himself entirely, if he were human? Idk, that personality is just so good and unique, but even he benefits from a foil. Michael, though, is probably the best iteration of a very common 80s MC personality, and having Kitt there is what makes it go from a pretty good romp to a wonderful classic.

Also Michael and Karr are my favorite duo to think about, it would be so good. Especially if Kitt is there trying to babysit his two himbo besties. Michael's got no braincells, and Karr has 'em but chooses not to use them.

Onto the blues, or the kinda/conditional opinions.

If they were real, I would marry them.

Depends on the season 100%. Season 1 Michael is likeable enough but just SO frustrating at times, and Season 3 has proven to be frequently outright insufferable. Season 2, though? That man's marriage material probably, and even just aesthetically. Maybe not MARRY marry, I don't really have a crush on him??? Anymore I tend to immediately convert my potential fictional crushes into blorbos, so there's that. But lifelong besties at least.

They're like a blorbo to me

HMM- Honestly? Dunno if this one's true. Then why did I mark it? Because... KINDA???

He's been at the forefront of my mind a lot more recently, admittedly because I already worked out Kitt + Karr's arcs (the TRUE blorbos) and am now trying to figure out what to do with him, but still. And even at times when I hate Michael's guts and wanna bap him in the forehead, I still don't hate him. Like "holy macaroni that was horrific like I actually hate you" "so you don't like him?" "*grinning* nah he's cute". Like, Hoff's characterization of him is too charming ashfo idc if he's an ahole he's MY ahole

So,,, probably more of my Little Skringlo than a Blorbo, but close enough.

Nothing I like about them is technically canon

See,,, Everything above about his character arc. See, I think his arc is SUPPOSED to be canon? But it isn't TEEECHNICALLY canon anymore thanks to Seasons 3 and 4 existing, which means S2 Michael got reverted to S1 Michael and then it was a whole mess. If it had ended in S2, I would have been convinced that it was the intended arc. But now, I don't actually know.

Why do they look like that

I'm interpreting this entirely wrong and I know it, you can't stop me /laughing hard

As I said before, I aesthetically love Michael so much, so I don't mean this as in "ew why does he look like that?" ... I mean it literally, WHY would you do that Wilton?

Why would you find some random guy in the street, go "that's the ticket Shahra", and then PUT YOUR KID'S FACE ON HIM ASDOHSHD WHY FOR WHY

so yeah, not Michael's fault, this is a Wilton callout post now

They got too much screentime

I'm really only saying this about the first half of Season 1. After Trust Doesn't Rust, they seemed to realize that people really REALLY loved the cars, and so balanced the episode more. Before, though, they tried to fit in so many bits for no reason while STILL giving Michael the majority of the screentime? It really went

Devon says Here is Mission (and establishes a Funny Interest)

Michael takes off with Kitt. Michael and Kitt participate in Banter, with Michael getting way more of the words than is reasonable?

Michael tracks down the bad guy and monologues stuff out loud, figures out a gameplan, goes in after Guy

Kitt has A Gag

Michael does 80% of the work

"I need ya buddy" vroom vroom Kitt silently breaks into building.

Michael does Car Stuff

punch punch bad guy even tho we have indestructible car!!! they get apprehended of screen we didn't see any cops show up either so I guess Michael sent 'em to the shadow realm

Devon's interest gets made fun of

Kitt's interest from Gag also gets made fun of

and scene

seriously am I forgetting anything here IASDHOI- The dynamic got fixed pretty quickly tho, which is why it's not a full Yes. I am fine with Michael getting the majority of the screentime so long as Kitt isn't left with like, three lines of dialogue.

Also, I do project SOME imposter syndrome onto him, just not enough to mark off that answer. And also I didn't wanna give y'all bingo so easily >:) try again muahaha

[psalmicwitch]

Hello Lovely! I saw your post advertising your desire of gaining more experience with readings, and would like to take the invitation if this is a work you still desire and are open to do!

I’m Isabela J. 27. Female.

About 2-ish, 3-ish years ago I had the opportunity of living through a transformative relationship that awakened in me a more soft, caring, creative and nurturing side. It allowed me to feel safe to unravel and start blossoming, if that makes sense? It was a time that plunged me deep inside myself, and gave me the opportunity to come closer with God. I’m really grateful for this individual’s passing in my life. My questions are (and I am not good at being objective, so fel free to mess around with the questions or simplify them to fit your style of drawing best) :

I understand that this experience was to bring my attention to myself and how I use my time here on his earth. What perspective am I missing that makes it so hard to actually be grounded in the here and now?

2. What is this period I find myself in? I’m torn between feeling the need to do something, be productive, collect results, and resting & letting life come to me, through me in the time it should. I don’t know if i’m being asked to cultivate patience or initiate change through action.

3. ls there any loose ends or unfinished business between us? I know the effects his presence had in my life, but after my passing in his, is he ok? Even though my intentions were sincere, I fear I could have stirred confusion and unrest in him. I pray he see’s through every and all illusions too and we can both move on, but there is some sort of attachment I can’t truly shake off even though we aren’t in each other’s life anymore. I want to open my hands and let God take care of this, but I for some reason can’t, and want to fix this. (This sounded dramatic lol take the question how you may, and at the end of the day everything is fine, I just can’t stop thinking about this man at random and it’s ANNOYING.)

Thank you for your time 🫶🏾

Hi hun, thanks for reaching out! Here’s what I pulled for you!

1. What perspective am I missing that makes it so hard to be grounded in the here and now? (Two of cups, reversed)

While the two of cups upright suggests the flow of love between two people. Reversed, it’s partly self love. The two of cups asks us to love ourselves, as without that, we become overly dependent on people in our lives, especially partners. I think more importantly, the two of cups signals a break-up, and a falling out of communication. To turn everything around, we’re to open up and let everything out. I feel as though you’re not hoping to return to this relationship, so I imagine the opening up has to be with yourself. Was there something about this relationship that you still feel hung up on? Something deeper than surface? I’d encourage you to dig deeper within yourself.

2. What is this period I find myself in? (Ace of swords, reversed)

The ace of swords usually indicates an idea or breakthrough. When reversed, that idea or breakthrough becomes an internal dilemma, something we’re not ready to open up about. Maybe you don’t have it all planned out yet, maybe it’s not clear to you. In another way, the ace of swords reversed can manifest as a broken idea of sorts. You had the best laid plans or intentions, and they’ve all fallen apart. Either way, you’re in a planning stage. May that be life, relationships, career, etc, you’re not ready to move forward, but the call of the ace of swords reversed is to find ways to further flesh out this idea, often involving meditation or introspection, and making an actionable plan. Your dilemma of being unsure of letting life take its course or make change are both correct answers. You need to do both.

3. Is there any unfinished business or loose ends between us? (10 of wands, reversed)

When the ten of wands shows up reversed in a reading, we often find ourselves carrying too much, or trying to go at too much alone. We’re exhausting ourselves, and not reaching out for help. Someone in your previous relationship is holding on too too much, and they need to let go or ask for help. Perhaps that’s you, holding on to him and trying to make sure he’s ok. Maybe it’s him, struggling with either the course of the relationship or the way it ended. In general, when we ask yes or no questions like this, the ten of wands reversed is a “yes” card. There are likely loose ends here. With the vague nature of this card, perhaps it’s worth checking in, and perhaps it’s worth letting everything run its course.

(I forgot to take a picture of my physical cards, so unfortunately I don’t have that for you.)

If you need more clarification, feel free to reach back out!

If you found this reading helpful please consider making a donation to the ALS Foundation!

[mukelaniot]

Maternal and Child health in rural South frica.

“Hold on, what do you mean you have no idea what that even means?”  

“It’s 2024 and women and children are still overlooked. Why am I even surprised?  I mean, nothing new there!”

This was my response when I tried to engage one of my friends in a conversation about Maternal and child health. I must admit, I was quite shocked and disappointed, considering this friend of mine is a new father. I thought we would be a lot further than this at this point in life. This goes to say, “We are not yet Uhuru”.

I’ll say, that although I am not much of a blogger, this topic is one I feel quite passionate about. South Africa’s health is an ongoing crisis with detrimental implications for individuals, families, and communities. Although efforts have been made to address maternal and child health, with it being part of arguably one of the most important of the MDGs (Koblinsky, M., Anwar, I., Mridha, M. K., Chowdhury, M. E., & Botlero, R. (2008)), it is still a huge health concern. I am not going to bore you with the stats, as I am sure countless others have.

Having grown up in a rural area and now being exposed to and working with less privileged communities as an occupational therapy student, I have seen a lot done to address to enhance child health. From the free health care, including check-ups at the clinic before and after birth, to the promotion and provision of free vaccinations (Wagstaff et al., 2004), which coincidentally, I saw being done 2 days ago (measle vaccination) in a clinic where I was doing health promotion on maternal health, promoting physical and mental health and overall well-being mothers.

However, the focus on maternal health usually ends after giving birth. Important factors such as postnatal depression (Almalik, 2017), postnatal anxiety, and burnout are often overlooked. What people fail to understand is just how linked maternal health and child health are, as a tired, burned-out mother cannot fully take care of a child. See the dilemma there?

One of the things I have observed is that in communities, maternal health is often ignored, focusing only on the child's health and well-being. As an occupational therapy student, I tasked myself with doing the best I could to address this imbalance. I am currently providing education and raising awareness about maternal health during the women's support groups that will also provide education to even those who are not yet mothers. I also plan to address matters during the fatherhood groups I plan on establishing in the community, to ensure the women get the support they need at home.

The crisis of overlooked maternal and child health needs to be tackled by the whole community to get better outcomes. As an occupational therapy student, I know I cannot do it alone, but I am committed to doing my part. After all, children are our future, and women are the pillars of our society. Let us take care of them to ensure a healthier society and future.

Almalik, M. M. (2017). Understanding maternal postpartum needs: A descriptive survey of current maternal health services. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 26(23-24), 4654–4663. https://doi.org/10.1111/jocn.13812

Koblinsky, M., Anwar, I., Mridha, M. K., Chowdhury, M. E., & Botlero, R. (2008). Reducing Maternal Mortality and Improving Maternal Health: Bangladesh and MDG 5. Journal of Health, Population, and Nutrition, 26(3), 280–294. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2740701/

Van den Broek, N. R., & Falconer, A. D. (2011). Maternal mortality and millennium development goal 5. British medical bulletin, 99(1), 25-38.  chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Nynke-Broek/publication/51619843_Maternal_mortality_and_Millennium_Development_Goal_5/links/564c9d5508ae635cef2a75b5/Maternal-mortality-and-Millennium-Development-Goal-5.pdf

Wagstaff, A., Bustreo, F., Bryce, J., & Claeson, M. (2004). Child Health: Reaching the Poor. American Journal of Public Health, 94(5), 726–736. https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.94.5.726

[wizard-spider-man]

The Moral Dilemma of Accepting Gifts of Gratitude from Devils (Blizzard Aftermath)

From the streets below, the familiar 7 foot figure of the Provost approaches the Spider-Wizard. Nox calls from below.

"Spider-Wizard. Do you mind coming to ground level. I have a few things I wish to discuss.*

The Wizard Spider-Man heard the call, not from below but in his ears. The will of the Provost seems to extend all across the city, into the airwaves themselves apparently.

He swung down, landing in front of the Tall Devil.

Spider-Man hadn't been home for long, and this meeting was unexpected. The sun had just begun to rise, casting a soft glow on the scene. The land was recently scarred from weeks of bitter snowfall.

It was only now did the heat of summer seem to wash in, a little.

"What can I do for you, Honorable Provost?" he asked, his senses calm, notating the absence of any guards. "I hope you didn't mind me saving the city."

Nox, surprisingly awarded the Spider-Wizard a short, respectful bow.

"Indeed, it is the aforementioned saving of the city for which I am speaking to you now," he began.

"You have done a great service for Asfelaeia. If not for your assault on Verglas, and the organization of the counter-curse, Asfelaeia may well have suffered much greater than it has now."

Spider-Man bowed back, paying his respects.

"Thank you, Provost. That means, well, everything, coming from judge and jury." He paused, then added, "J-jokes aside. For real. It's the least I can do? I'm a hero. It's been my calling for... a long time."

"I'm just glad I can make a difference in your city, your honor."

"As am I."

Nox pauses, then continues.

"While it is not explicit in the contract of citizenship, it has become a standard practice that those who serve Asfelaeia greatly, are served in return by Asfelaeia," he explained.

"My warlock knights. Many of them oath breakers. But in serving their debt may be alleviated, or even removed entirely."

"You are beyond that point. Your debt to Asfelaeia has been paid. Now, Asfelaeia owes you."

"Tell me spider-wizard. Is there something you desire from this city? From your Provost?"

The Wizard thought about the city at large for a good while, everything that had transpired in these recent weeks.

"Well. If I had a few requests... the people of Undercity. The AJC is not enough."

"There needs to be more funding and housing directed towards the region as a whole. People there should also be given a guideline to citizenship. Non citizens there should have a shot at serving the city. WISH already has sponsorship programs that could be adopted to legal doctrine."

"And as a personal favor, Nirva, should have his charges dropped and he should be given citizenship, no questions asked. He doesn't want it for some reason, but he deserves it."

Nox blinked. He knew this would be the response, yet it still upset him.

He breathed in shortly.

"A Devil must always pay his debts. And I owe a debt to you. You must understand, my power is great, but not unending," he said. "I will direct my men to create a more swift and equitable pathway to citizenship for those in the Undercity. I must inform you, that was always the plan. In time, I will make the Undercity a sanctioned part of Asfelaeia."

"And. I will drop the charges against Nirva. He will still need to take the oaths to become a citizen, but I will not stop him," he added. "You ask much of me, Spider-Wizard. This is what I can offer, to fulfill your request."

"Thank you. Believe me, I can't believe I'm making any requests," Wizard Spider-Man replied. "In due time, he should fulfill his oaths. Did you need anything more of me, your honor?"

"Just one more thing," Nox said. "Through the contract of citizenship, I can empower my people. You have earned this right. If ever your strength is not enough, call upon the strength of your oaths. It will come to you."

"Wait, empower? How so?" the Spidey asked, cocking his head curiously.

"The same way I empower my warlock-knights. The power of the hells, my power, to flow through you," Nox explained, demonstrating with a small aura of hellfire swirling around his hand.

*"Hellfire."*

The Wizard Spider-Man reaches out, unafraid of the familiar blue flame.

The flame caught his hand, and enveloped him. He began to undergo a transformation.

Armor plates summoned on his body, on his mask, and a hood covered his head as horns sprouted on his head.

*Onlookers hurried along, startled.*

He felt a surge of unholy power take him. His soul started to take on the cold of hellfire.

**Wizard becomes Warlock, as the Spider unveils a new form of power.**

"Oh. It. Kinda hurts..." he muttered. He was amplified in ways he didn't realize yet.

Time would tell what new abilities would become of him.

And what that meant for his soul in particular.

A closely guarded essence, this alteration was the first time *anything* had changed him, since... another time entirely.

This newfound power was a shift in alignment, a curiosity in and of itself; Spider-Man was a master sorcerer of many arts, but divinity, light magic, and morally good elements were what his spirit excelled in, and amplified.

There were many questions as to how Hellfire would interact with Holy Light.

*The Provost speaks, and the Wizard Spider-Man listens.*

"I have great trust in you, Spider-Wizard," Nox said.

"With great power comes great... Justice. Use it well, use it wisely."

With those final words, the Provost bowed his head once again, and turned to leave.

*A portal greeted him, and he steps through it.*

The Wizard fades back out of his Warlock state, the burning in his soul ceasing. He exhales, shakily.

"What's with these demons and their magic portals? I have magic portals. You don't see me using them to go everywhere..."

The Wizard Spider-Man leaps off the ground, gracefully casting a webline to propel himself through the air and out towards the depths of Undercity.

#The city's recent efforts at urban consolidation were clear in the new elevator structures being integrated into the holes in the surface. These would provide fast and efficient access for the web-slinger to traverse the interconnected parts Asfelaeia.

#It would seem since he was gone, the city was becoming closer to being more unified; a greater good for everyone.

[romilly-jay]

COSY CATASTROPHE: An arbitrary selection of candidates (recent reading)

*** mild spoilers ***

This is the full ranking from my jokingly named index. Full size versions of the slides will be posted over the next few weeks.

Everything I’ve included I consider acceptably readable – including The Road, which *I* haven’t read and have no intention of reading. It's clearly a masterpiece BTW, and the problem, yes, it's me.

[Perhaps one day, when I’m ready for a ‘harrowing, anti-cathartic experience’, I’ll be able to go there. That day is – not yet.]

Doing the exercise – and deliberately keeping it personal – reinforced for me that moral judgements are not universal. For example, I very much enjoyed The Luminous Dead – I found the dilemmas compelling and I could engage with the characters despite seeing that one of them is taking extreme risks and the other has committed herself to some morally reprehensible actions. There’s a vocal online group who consider the power dynamic too suspect and the controller character’s actions too repugnant, to the point it ruined the story for them. Not so for me, but I understand where they are coming from. They probably wouldn’t have this book on their list.

Some might say that the entire exercise was ‘arbitrary’. I prefer to call it 'subjective'', by which I mean that my individual taste is a leading factor but I feel that in places it is still possible to make an externally verifiable case from the texts for certain characteristics.

The disposition and mental health of the respective viewpoint characters, for instance, in my view makes Harrow the Ninth an 'observably' darker novel than Gideon the Ninth.

Genre texts mapped on the cosiness/catastrophe "index":

§El-Mohtar, A. and Gladstone, M. (2019) This is how you lose the time war. London: Jo Fletcher Books.

§Jemisin, N.K. (2016) The fifth season: the broken earth book one. London: Orbit Books.

§McCarthy, C. (2007) The road. London: Vintage.

§Muir, T. (2020) Gideon the Ninth. New York: Tor.com.

§Muir, T. (2021) Harrow the Ninth. New York: Tor.com.

§Sanderson, B. (2023) Yumi and the Nightmare Painter. London: Gollancz.

§Scalzi, J. (2022) The Kaiju Preservation Society. New York: Tor Books.

§Starling, C. (2019) The luminous dead. New York: Harper Collins.

§Turton, S. (2024) The last murder at the end of the world. London: Bloomsbury.

§Weir, A. (2014) The Martian. New York: Crown Publishing.

§Weir, A. (2022) Project Hail Mary. New York: Penguin.

§Wells, M. (2017-8) The murderbot diaries (first four novellas: all systems red; artificial condition; rogue protocol; and exit strategy). New York: Tordotcom.

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

this rlly does need its own post actually wtf 💀

this is actually another fact post ig. but it's actually dedicated to only ONE SINGLE FACT. which i will elaborate on right........now

so basically: trojan has nicknames for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER IN THE RGVERSE. WELL. THE ONES HE ACTUALLY KNOWS ABOUT ACTUALLY. the nicknames themselves are pretty random, and if the character being nicknamed's name is derived from the name of the song they're based off of, then trojan's nickname for them will literally be that

a very sorted out and super neat (trust) list of all of trojan's nicknames. some characters are not mentioned because he either has never interacted with them at all as of now or has to forcefully not give them a nickname 😔:

temporal - for tempo (it's pretty obvious right off the bat what song he's based off of at this rate thanks to trojan's nickname for him LMAO)

shifting - for shifta (she rlly is shifting...)

^ adding onto the previous two bullets, trojan would sometimes refer to the both of them as "temporal shifting" if he's talking about them as a duo. do you understand now.

tera - for terabyte (he would've easily gave this nickname to teravolt too. to make things confusing between the two of them bc he likes to be a lil shit)

lite - for satellite (terabyte has this as a nickname for satellite too lol)

ale-ale - for aleph-0 (needless to say aleph does NOT like this nickname. but even he cannot stop stupid lil trojan)

^ adding onto the previous bullet, i made "ale-ale" trojan's nickname for aleph bc i randomly thought of some fruit juice brand that i used to drink from when i was little. i can still vividly remember buying one of them from a local store.......rlly need to drink one again!2!1!11!1!

pam - for pamolia (hahahaha pam pam)

pupapa - for pupa (if you get this i'm hoping you let out a fucking laugh *points a gun at you /j*)

arsi - for ars (iykyk :3)

another her/you (changes depending on if he's talking to her directly or talking about her with someone else) - for ana (waaaatashi no. betsuno.)

lucid (traveler) - for lucas (uogh)

galactic warzone - for galactic (LMAO)

glaci - for glaciaxion (he didn't got creative with this one 💔)

destruction - for destonio (arghena calls him this too)

distorted fate - for fate (HAAHAHAHA)

spinny spin spin - for spinel (im gonna be rlly honest with you guys. im going to fucking lose my shit /j)

up - for upshift (hahahhaa up. up up up)

abstruse dilemma - for abstruse (dedede dreeeeeeeeeet dededede de de de-)

wait for dawn/daw - for dawn (the "wait for dawn" one is mostly used for jokes, tho)

prideful raven - for raven (:>)

rise of the world - for risa (a a a a a a a a a a a a aaa.)

unknown rickroll - for unknown levels (I AM SO ENGROSSED IN THIS JOKE IM SORRY)

arghe - for arghena (primeval, fate, and unknown levels call her this too)

prim prim - for primeval texture (she does NOT LIKE THIS NICKNAME FOR SOME REASON-)

tech/colour - for technicolour (mostly calls techni "colour" tho)

gos - for logos (logos is confused)

ego - for ego eimi (eimi's offended)

THAT'S IT THAT'S ALL. i didn't put this under a readmore bc im LAAAAZYTTYTT

[jbaumansalon]

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[skiyoosmi]

post-break up heartaches

verse 3. in the warmth of your love and the comfort of your touch

⤷ sakusa kiyoomi, miya atsumu

⤷ verse 1 | verse 2

⤷ play. i'll be fine somehow by benjamin ingrosso, remember the mornings by clinton kane

commissions: open

⇢ SAKUSA was hardly a believer of gods, firm with following his principles of crediting only the existence of things he can see with his own eyes. he detested myths, fairytales, anything that is far from reality. he thinks they're foolish; you thought otherwise— you adored anything that had something to do fiction, always finding the comfort of it being an escape from the harsh world you live in. it was the very same reason why the living room of the apartment you used to share with him was filled with shelves, full of books that you've read countless times but never got tired of them.

he heaves a sigh as he enters the apartment, shoulders drooping because like any other day, he is met by nothing but silence. his figure stops by the doorway leading to the said living room, eyes scanning the said area with a profound longing swimming in them. he imagines you standing there, bright orbs that were full of wonder looking up the shelves that were much taller than you, in a dilemma because you have no idea what you wanted to read next. and then you'll probably sense his presence because you'll soon turn your head to his direction, giving him a beautiful smile that somehow lifts his mood up. you always felt him, you've always felt everything for him.

"welcome home, kiyoomi."

he feels his heart becoming heavier because after a few seconds, he's pulled back to the reality. you were gone... you weren't coming back and it's all because of him.

"let's get divorce, yn. i... don't feel anything anymore."

he wonders what made him think that way, because his present state was obviously the exact opposite of what has been said to you. regret pools even in the deepest pits of his stomach as he remembers it all— the dinners you prepared with only care and love for him in your mind, his monotonous voice as he spoke those words oh so carelessly, your failed attempts of giving him an understanding smile, only for your lips to wobble as you held in your cries,

i understand, kiyoomi... j-just send me the papers and i-i'll sign them as soon as possible.

the doorbell brings him back from his trail of thoughts, a small light of hope ignited within him that maybe... just maybe it's you. to his disappointment, he's faced by a delivery man, a brown envelope being held out to him, "mr. sakusa kiyoomi?"

he nods, cautiously taking the said object and signing some papers before coming back to the darkness of his house. carefully, he tears it open, his insides slowly but surely becoming twisted altogether as he takes out the contents of the envelope.

hello kiyoomi, you weren't sending any document to me so i took the initiative to get the divorce papers. i guess you're still busy with work so that's understandable. i signed it. i don't want to hold you back from your happiness so yeah, this is it. i... i just want to thank you for making me feel so many things for all the years. it was a pleasure being your wife. it might be a bit overbearing but keep in mind that i'll always love you, my feelings... they're all for you, no matter how many years may pass. goodbye.

sakusa was hardly a believer of gods... but as his hands clutch the diamond ring you once wore close to his chest, he begins to pray to all of them— to give him the power to turn back time, to undo the agony and pain he gave you, to let him see your smile once more, to give you each and every bit of his feelings again—

but like any other day, he is met by nothing but silence.

⇢ ATSUMU furrows his eyebrows together due to the sudden ringing of his doorbell because as far as he can remember, he wasn't supposed to have any guests today. he had already planned to sulk his day off away by watching some sappy dramas and movies, your favorite ones— so who in the world decided to break his agenda?

he huffs, placing the remote he was previously holding on the coffee table, and stands up, footsteps heavy as he trudges towards the door, eyes widening when he sees you through the peephole. he swears he's never opened the front door so fast, "yn!"

his heart quickly thumps against his chest as he takes in your form; despite the slightly visible bags under your eyes (he thinks it's due to you overworking as usual— he hopes it's because you're thinking of him the way he thinks of you), you shone bright like every single day that passed and he can't help but wonder what made him think of letting you go that night. i can find someone better than you, someone who won't bother me every fucking second just because they're so needy for attention, his words echo in his head.

he tries to give you a strained smile, cringing internally as he looks right into your eyes that held nothing but pure anger and disappointment for him, "we're not friends, atsumu. not anymore so drop the friendly act."

you walk past him and heads straight to the painfully familiar bedroom, ignoring the rushing footsteps behind you, along with the quiet begging that escapes his mouth, "i love you, yn. i'm sorry, please."

"i'm just here to get my things, not make amends with you and our relationship," you reply, harshly swallowing the vile feeling that attempts to get out of your throat, "i... i just... i know love isn't supposed ask for something back... but don't you think it was too one-sided considering we're in a relationship, tsumu? i barely see you and talk to you without you feeling all bothered and annoyed. i get it, you're tired... but i am not a punching bag, you don't get to take it out on me every single time you come home."

you take a deep breath, cursing because this was not in any of your plans for today. shoving the last pieces of your remaining things as quick as possible and slinging your bag over your shoulder, you take one last look at the room you once found comfort in, only feeling your heart clench because this same scenario was exactly what happened on your last night here— same break up scenario, same hearts aching, same atsumu looking at you regretfully, same hand that reaches out for you as you both stand by the doorway.

"stay... please. i can't do this without you," he croaks out, the grip on your wrist tightening because he's terrified, scared to let you go, scared that you slip out of his hold and never return.

you don't reply for a moment, not even sparing him a glance, before removing his hand, "i'll... give you a call... maybe... maybe not... i don't know."

you know you'll never do. you think he knows that too— still, he holds onto the hope your words provided him.

but no calls came despite him waiting until past midnight and as he lied on his bed, chest contracting due to the pain his heart feels, he chokes out a pathetic laugh,

so this is what you felt like when i broke countless promises that i made to you, huh, yn?

© SKIYOOSMI, 2021 — reposting, translating, editing, copying and any kind of plagiarism are strictly prohibited, thank you.