#do you think that whenever he has angry outbursts and then realizes what he did and feels his father’s hand on his shoulder

[crismakesstuff]

“What if I become him and I don’t even know it?”

[synthetickitsune]

svt + helping you through a break up // gn!reader

S.Coups ❧ Find him right after it happens. Your feet will carry you to his apartment without you thinking about it. You're both surprised when he opens the door. His first Instinct is to protect. What happened? Who hurt you? He’s ready to run out and fight. Nobody makes his people sad, angry, comfortable - whatever you’re feeling - without consequence. Then again, as much as he would like to solve the situation and make it better, he can’t. So he stays with you. He brings you water and something to eat. He instructs you to breathe, teaching you the breathing exercise he often does. He offers you his hoodie that smells like him - in case you want to steal it. Again. He hopes you will, it always made you so smug and happy. He’s in full damage control mode. He only gets out the most basic information out of you - did they at least treat you decently? Did you fight? There’s so many variables that he settles for matching your energy in the end. He makes you stay at his. He doesn’t want you to be alone. Through the day he lists all the reasons why he likes you, why his members like you. He won't allow someone stupid enough not to appreciate you to bring you down. Even if the breakup was a peaceful one, he wants to make sure you know to take your time. Get used to it and don’t rush, feelings are fickle things and it may just hit you hard later. He watches over you, asks his friends what to do when he’s lost. It’s a pretty big change, but Cheol helps you navigate through the worst of it.

Jeonghan ❧ Find him when it happens before it actually happens. When the bad days start to outnumber the good ones, when you start to have doubts and your heart aches. Jeonghan respects you. He knows this is a sensitive issue and that you need his support so he makes sure you don't see when he clenches his jaw and grits his teeth. Sometimes because your partner is an asshole, sometimes because you're so stupid it's driving him crazy, and sometimes because he knows. He has a knack for being right and being able to look at the bigger picture. He realizes where things are headed before you do but he doesn't mention anything, lets you figure it out on your own. He’d love to be wrong, but he seldom is. Who's feelings changed first? You don't know. When you realize things can’t be fixed, he rubs your back as you cry it out. He squeezes your shoulder and gives you a tight smile whenever you come over, sigh and tell him the latest updates. He doesn’t suggest for you to just do it already, knows you must be already feeling stretched too thin and exhausted. Though he provides his opinion when you ask for it. There’s a gentleness in his voice that doesn’t set off an outburst. He reminds you your feelings are valid when you realize you’re over it before it’s even official. He reminds you not to feel guilty. When the breakup happens, he waits for you with open arms. It’s been over for a long time for you. Even if you feel a sense of freedom, there are some nasty feelings plaquing your mind. He helps to chase them away.

Joshua ❧ Find him when you don’t know what to do. Change is hard and confusing. More so when something that felt so fundamental, something so intimate, is the subject of it. Joshua knows what happened when you show up, shoulders drooped and hands flailing as you try to explain without breaking down. He invites you in with a sympathetic smile. He sits you down on his couch and asks whether you feel tired. He brings you a blanket and lets you sleep because sometimes that’s the only thing that helps take the edge off. He’ll guide you so even if you let go for a bit, bouncing back will be easier. He makes you a cup of tea and forces the cup into your hands once it's not too hot. He sits close to you but doesn't initiate any physical contact without your request or permission. He listens intently if you want to talk, asking questions at the right time so that he understands better, and to be honest - it helps you put things into perspective as well. If you don't want to talk, he puts on your comfort show and reminds you where to find the shower, where you can find some clothes to borrow, and informs you that you will be staying the night - unless you want to be alone. And even then only if you promise to always answer his texts and calls. He takes control. He monitors you and reacts to your changing mood with endless patience. He keeps his voice calm and not too loud. He reassures you he’s right here if you need anything. It's easy to trust him if he never broke his promise.

Jun ❧ Find him when you need to be distracted. He won’t treat you any different. It's unsettling at first but most wonderful after getting used to it. Your life’s still there; it's not like everything changed. Call Jun and ask him if he's free, and find yourself at an arcade, a mall, a coffee shop... He jokes around you like he's always done. He doesn’t once ask or mention your ex like the relationship never happened. He pays attention, he always does, but it's different now. He doesn't comment on it if you suddenly space out. He hands you a tissue when you break down unexpectedly and shields you with his body so the passersby can’t see you. He doesn't comment on it once you calm down, he only asks ready? like you were just tying your shoe. It’s reassuring in its own way and after being grilled by your friends, your family, and living and dealing with the aftermath of the breakup, it feels great to just be yourself. He makes you the center of his attention and it's so obvious he doesn't care about anything but you when you speak. He's not holding back on the bickering and teasing. When you're playing games he pokes your side to make you jump and lose focus - and lose. It's the best day you’ve had in a while and you’re smiling. He hugs you and coos at you as you smile through tears when he walks you home. He offers to stay over, tells you to imagine you’re just kids again having a sleepover with your best friend. You eat too many snacks and stay up ridiculously late but you finally feel like yourself for a while.

Hoshi ❧ Find him when you need cheering up. He wants to cry with you - he does - but you’re sad and neither of you wants that. That person isn't worth it. So he dries your tears and he makes it his mission to make you happy again. He knows his sparkling eyes, his tiger claws so gingerly bent into a horanghae, nor his cute act will be enough but he won’t give up. Not on you, never. He knows there's security in familiarity so he takes you to your spots. The one cafe where he once spilled both your drinks on you. He takes a photo of you right there; dry and holding the same drinks. You complain about the weird looks the barista kept throwing your way. He's ready to fight them if they ruined your day, he'll have you know. It won't be necessary, though, because you say so and you smile. He gets nostalgic, reminiscing about the good ol’ times you’ve had and sharing episodes about the members. It's impossible not to smile. He gives you space to talk but he understands you might not want to - and it's fine! He can talk enough for both of you. He links your arms together on the street. He just wants to show support, doesn't want to lose you when the streets get crowded. But it works. He drags you with him and he sees you smile back every time he turns to you. How could you not? He takes pictures of you two together to replace certain other pictures - the only reference to your ex that he sheepishly makes. He’s glad to see the progress. He tears up when in the last pic the smile reaches your eyes.

Wonwoo ❧ Find him when you can’t be alone. Curl in the corner of his sofa, he’ll throw a blanket over you, tuck you in and bring you tea. He’ll give you the tv remote and let you watch anything you want if that’s what you want to do, but he’s fine with you just scrolling on your phone or watching something on your own. He’ll read closeby, within arm’s reach. He’ll let you sit next to him and rest your head on his shoulder if that will make you feel safe. He’ll listen to you or he’ll try to fill the silence with his voice. He’s not that good at it but he’ll try. You trusted him enough to come to him, explained in a meek voice that you just can’t be alone and he was the first person to come to mind. He won’t let you down. Checking up on you from the corner of his eye once in a while, he hopes this is enough. That it’s enough for him to just exist in the same space, both of you doing your own thing. He’s happy like that. Comfortable. You always said you felt the same, is it still true? When you ask him if he wants to go for a walk, he agrees. He wonders whether the air of his home feels too suffocating for you. But as you walk, he sees you swing your arms, your shoulders relaxed. You seem so much better than when you came by, tense and anxious. You turn your head and thank him. He doesn’t feel like he did much, but to you he feels like a safe harbor.

Woozi ❧ Find him when you need someone to understand. He insists he's not good at these things. Feelings are hard, so when you come to him particularly vulnerable and emotional, he's out of his depth. He knows you need support, though, and you need it now. He does the only thing he can think of - the only thing he's somewhat confident might work: he takes you to his studio. Once there, he lets you sit in his chair because he knows that alone will make you crack a teasing remark and smile, if only for a second. He asks for your preference - are you angry? Sad? Numb? He's got playlists worthy stash of wips that he can show you. When instrumentals are not enough, he sings for you. You've never seen him more nervous. It’s endearing, and you appreciate that he makes himself as vulnerable as you feel. You wonder about the songs he’s made. He's got the feelings down close enough. Just a liiiittle bit more and it's gonna be perfect. You tell him and he jumps at a chance because you’re finally talking and he wants to help. You go over the lyrics and as you do, you get more in touch with yourself. You're not the most eloquent when it comes to expressing how you feel but Jihoon is naturally gifted in the area and he honed his skills to near perfection. With each line he creates based on your feelings, you cry because that’s it. He’s too awkward to do more than pat your back. You might still be a mess, but you feel comforted knowing someone gets it.

The8 ❧ Find him when you’re ready to process things. Nothing's ever easy and you're hurting. He hates it and as much as he's a good listener, he wants to help; to solve the problem and have you back. He gives you your favorite cup and brews tea to go with the heaviness of the situation. He has you meditate with him before you say a word and he needs it as much as you do. Because he's your friend. And friends sometimes need some tough love. The breakup left some things unresolved, things you keep thinking about that you can't imagine talking about with your ex so he tries to help. If something seems like your fault, though, he'll tell you. He feels bad about it, tries to be gentle. Being the one in the wrong hurts and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth but you can take responsibility. He talks with you for hours, going through the pieces left behind that linger in your mind. He keeps moving closer as the hour gets late and your speech gets more fragmented and you need to take pauses. You need this but it brings back all the memories. He's not affectionate all that often but maybe that's why the hug he gives you feels so comforting. He lets you lean on him as you served the tea in your cup and tell him the things that really hurt or that just stick to you so you carry them around without having anywhere to put them down. He listens and shares his opinions without forcing them upon you like some of your other friends. When you wake up on his couch the next day, it feels like you really started a new chapter.

Mingyu ❧ Find him when you need a shoulder to cry on. He's heard the wobbliness of your voice, the unspoken announcement. He doesn't ask when you arrive at his place. He's got it all ready. Every pillow he owns is piled on his couch, he has blankets, fairylights. The table holds all kinds of drinks and snacks and he tells you where to find ice cream if you want to go the stereotypical route. His effort is enough to make you break down and he's almost carrying you to the couch, holding you and patting your hair. He's fighting tears himself because he can't stand seeing you in so much pain. He'll sit next to you and rub your back or he’ll lie down with you and hold you if you’d prefer. He lets you lead, lets you guide him through what's allowed and desired and what's not. He lets you do the talking, get it all out, cry until you have no tears left. He's got a dozen tissue boxes ready, and when you apologize for ruining his shirt, he grins. It's the shirt he usually wears while cooking. It's meant to get dirty - it doesn't matter if it's batter or snot. He feels proud when you smile. Once it's all out of your system, he takes his role as your emotional support even more seriously. You talk about whatever comes to mind and you're free to use him as a teddy bear if that's what you need. He puts on a romcom and you laugh at how stupid it is. You cry again when the leads get a happy ending but he's there to hold you and cry with you. Only so you don't feel ashamed afterwards, of course.

DK ❧ Find him when you need to forget. You beg him to help, to go out with you, but he won’t. He absolutely won’t because that’s not a good idea and it’s definitely not safe. And safe is what he needs you to be so instead he invites you over. It’s a hard sell but he succeeds eventually, if only because of your fondness for him. And he’s prepared. He has the karaoke ready. He has the worst movies known to mankind all set up so you can channel your emotions at something. He has drinks that only seem alcoholic but illusion is good enough. He won’t have you clouding your judgment and emotions more. It hurts enough to see you so lost and overwhelmed. And the illusion is enough. Seokmin will pretend to be drunk with you. He’ll scream his heart out singing with you, he’ll yell and throw popcorn at the screen at every stupid, nonsensical thing that happens. More than that though, he’ll challenge you to an infinite game of monopoly because it turns out that thing is impossible to finish when it’s just between the two of you but it’s fine because you’re so focused on beating his ass that it’s very obviously the only thing on your mind. And he’s glad. He gets too into it too and it’s chaos. A lovely chaos. You end up sleeping over and you’re sulking because you didn’t win. (Neither did he.) As you say your good nights, though, you hug him and hold him for a few seconds. It’s nice to feel normal again. It’s an illusion, like the drunken high, but it’s enough. This is what you want to get back. And you’ll fight for it like you fought in monopoly.

Seungkwan ❧ Find him when you need a safety net. He's there to catch you. You've seen each other at your best and at your worst. He'd never judge you but he'll also step in and be honest if he needs to. He's just there. The first few days after it happened he’s calling you if you don't answer his text within an hour. Tell him you just can't be alone and he'll be at your door with food and drinks and the latest gossip to take your mind off things. You'll let him in on the drama happening between your friends too. He tucks you in when you get tired. If there are unpleasant calls to be made, he offers to hold your hand through them. It seems childish but it works. You feel better with him by your side. At least someone seems to have your back. At the same time, don't try anything as stupid as calling your ex on his watch. It doesn't matter if you miss them and don't care about your pride or if you've agreed to stay friends and you just want to talk. He stresses the importance of taking your time to deal with it and letting things settle. You might fight because of it but you know he's right. He doesn't leave. He knows he's also a handful when emotions get the best of him. He knows the ups and downs. He laughs when you laugh and cries when you cry. You talk shit about your exes and swear and promise to never betray each other. It's a process, getting over it. It reminds you too much of actually moving. You pack and unpack things - and Seungkwan’s always there to help.

Vernon ❧ Find him when you’re angry. When anger burns inside your veins and threatens to burn you whole. Vernon doesn't quite know how to deal with it and he's awkward with feelings. He hates seeing you this out of control but if he knows one thing, it’s that feelings shouldn't be repressed. Especially not ones as destructive as anger. He won’t have anything happening to you. When it’s not enough to let you rant and pace around his apartment, he'll take you to one of those rage rooms. Maybe he’ll smash a thing or two but for the most part he'll hype you up. You're a raging wildfire and he's the gasoline. He’ll scream with you, he'll howl when you smash the already broken pieces into dust. He'll agree with your angry vents. He'll feed into your anger so you can get it all out and then some. Your body can only spend so much energy, though. When you can no longer swing the bat in your hands, you leave and he takes you straight for some food. Diets be damned - you're both getting exactly what you crave. He takes you home before your mood can do a nosedive straight into a bottomless pit of despair. He stays, awkwardly patting your back as you cry. That's life - you win some, you lose some, but you'll be happy again. He doesn't leave until he's sure you'll be okay, be it the same day or the next. It must’ve been exhausting but he waves you off when you try to apologize. That’s what friends are for - things are gonna be fine. You believe it when he’s the one saying it.

Dino ❧ Find him when you need an older brother. Chan is always there for you and the second you show up at his doorstep and your facade crumbless once the we broke up leaves your lips, he's pulling you into a tight hug and into his home. He doesn't pry unless you wanna share but he cracks jokes at your now-ex’s expense. He rants about the things he's never liked about them. He's ready to be fiercely protective should they appear and ask about you. He insists on it even if you tell him time and time again it's not that dramatic. It's cute, though, and some part of you appreciates it. The whole ordeal feels kind of uprooting so you’re grateful when he reminds you that his home is yours too. There's so many things to solve. It's scary. Chan is painfully aware of this and promises to help as much as he can. He can be there when it’s time to pick up things, even if the only thing he can do is to stay in the car as a support should anything happen. If you want, he’ll go through each of your concerns and listen to your worried ramblings before talking to you calmly, offering his perspective not clouded by emotions even if it's anything but. He’ll curse your ex with every second breath if humor’s what's gonna help, or he'll just silently keep his hand on your knee or an arm around your shoulders. His friends are yours, you can always be surrounded by people. You’re not alone. He’ll always be there for you. He loves you, and he protects the people he loves.

[generational-atrophy]

Hii I love your blog ♡ I dont know if you're still taking asks but if yes how would France, Germany and England react to a s/o telling them they had been abused and have ptsd?

hetalia france, germany, and england with a s/o who has ptsd

1.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons / scenarios

tw: obvs. mentions of trauma but nothing specific

a/n: sorry for being gone so long. my life is like a poor little weasel getting hit by a big hammer rn. hope this lives up to ur expectations anon !!! <3

France

- When you tell him, he's not surprised. He's spent so much time around you that he had always had his suspicions.

- But even so, when you first revealed the details of what you had gone through... Francis couldn't stop himself from crying. Seeing you now, knowing how you had been hurt, just broke his heart.

”No one will ever treat you like that again, ok?“ Francis told you, his voice shaking as he held you tightly against his chest, ”Never. Not as long as you live.“

- Considering how soft he already is around you, his behaviour changes very little after that.

- But, now, whenever he has the inevitable urge to run away, he just can't. He remembers how people have treated you before, and realizes that he can't be selfish like that to you ever again. So, fights with Francis are going to be more like discussions in a therapist's office.

- He'd never raise his voice to you or blame you for anything you didn't intend to do. Having gone through similar trauma himself, he remembers how long it took for him to fully move on from that; so any emotional outbursts on your part are easily forgiven.

- But in general, he's just very forgiving.

- Although he may be a great boyfriend to someone with PTSD, he might also become a little more controlling. Events that he wouldn't have batted an eye at you attending before might become a problem, as he worries about you being able to protect yourself.

- Friends who he used to mildly dislike, he suddenly insists on you cutting off. It's like he thinks of you as some delicate flower. It's all with the best of intentions, but it will be annoying for a while.

- Other than that though, he'd be such a calm, comforting presence to a S/O with trauma.

It had been such a long time since you'd had a nightmare about being back there. You couldn't even remember what the dream was about, all you knew was that you were back there. Which was more than enough to rip you from your slumber, sending you into a panic you hadn't experienced in months.

But as you shot up, sweat dripping down your forehead and heart pumping, Francis was right there beside you. In a flash, he turned on the bedside lamp and shook himself out of his sleep, immediately turning to focus on you.

”Mon chéri, did it happen again?“ He asked softly, adjusting himself so he gave you plenty of space on the bed.

You nodded, and he only sighed, ”That's alright, Y/N, you're gonna get through this.“

Your hands still shook even as he tried to calm you down, your gaze flicking from side to side.

”Breath with me,  amour, breath with me...” He chided, resting a gentle hand against your chest.

“1... Breath in,” He took a deep breath,  making sure you followed along, ”Breath out.“

For the next few minutes, not a word was exchanged between you two other than Francis guiding you through slowing your panicked heart.

”You did so good, Y/N...“  Is all he says as your hands finally stop shaking, ”I'm so proud of you. That wasn't easy, alright? But you did perfectly.“

You can't help but smile at his incessant praises, ”Can we just go to sleep now?“

”Do you want me to hold you while you sleep?” He chuckles, leaning closer to you.

“Maybe...”

Germany

- Ludwig wouldn't be angry, he wouldn't be sad, he wouldn't get upset at all when you tell him about your abuse. At least, not outwardly. Internally he's about to stab someone, but to you, he's completely calm.

- He doesn't push you to explain more, but he does make it very clear that you can tell him everything. He won't judge you, he won't blame you, he won't invalidate anything, he just wants to exactly what happened so he can better help you.

- (He actually went to medical school, as well as getting a degree in psychology, so he knows what he's doing.)

- After that, he puts a lot of attention towards your triggers so he can help you deal with them as well as remove them as much as possible.

- He's coping with his own PTSD too, so any outbursts or instability is completely fine with him. He understands. He'd never take anything you say in the heat of the moment personally.

- Plus, he's like, never tired, so you can always call on him in an emergency. You're his top priority. Whatever you need to feel safe now, he doesn't mind helping with.

- He becomes a lot more protective as well. Whereas you two were a lot more independent from each other before, now he makes an effort to accompany you to anything that might make you upset. He just worries so much...

- If anyone or anything DOES upset you, he's releasing absolute hell onto that person. Normally he'd never make a scene, but with you? He is completely ok with making EVERYONE uncomfortable, just to make a point.

- Your problems and trauma don't bother him at all. If anything, he's glad to have a partner who can understand his struggles as well. You're both just moving past something as best as you can, and that's all that matters.

“It's been three years?” You thought to yourself as you sat still, staring out the window, ”It must've been less than that. No, it was just last month wasn't it?“

That's what you'd been telling yourself since you woke up. That day, it'd been three years since you had left. But it must've been some kind of trick. Some lie you'd been told. No, it couldn't've been.

So you sat, your dry eyes fixed on a swaying bush outside the window. If it had really been three years since then, then you must've been sitting for months. The house was quiet, and the weather was dreary. You hadn't eaten. Ludwig would be frustrated about that. But he wasn't here, so... it was alright.

Or at least, he shouldn't have been.

“Y/N?” Ludwig called out from somewhere else in the house. You didn't move. Even as his footsteps came closer and closer to where you sat, you didn't move.

“Liebling, are you ok?”

No response. He sighs, crouching down next to your chair.

“Is this because it's been three years?“

This time a response, as it seems like your body nodded involuntarily.

”Ah. I understand, my dear.“

He stood up again, setting down his bag from work.

”How long have you been sitting there?“

”I dunno...“ You croaked out, your voice clearly being out of use for quite a while.

”Do you want to keep sitting there?“

No response.

“Would you want to come walk Berlitz and the boys with me?“

A small nod. Ludwig walks over just to open the blinds a little more, just as the sun begins to shine into the room through a gap in the cloudy sky.

“Nice timing, isn't it?”

“Yeah...”

“Take your time getting ready. I'll be waiting downstairs whenever you want to go. I missed you today, Y/N.” And with that, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and walked downstairs.

England

- When you first told him, things didn't go... perfectly. Arthur is not a very comforting man in general, but when it comes to you, his love tends to manifest in, well... not the best ways.

- He became quite angry when you told him. Not because he was angry at you, but angry that someone could ever do that to you.

- But after he realized how that anger would have come across to you, he tried to explain away why he had reacted so harshly.

”Love, I- I didn't mean to... well, I'm not angry at you, ok? I promise. It's not like it was your damn fault! You're the victim! Of some- some twisted cunt-”

“Ok- but y-you're still yelling!”

“I'm not yelling at you- I'm yelling for you!”

- Don't worry, that's probably the last time he'll ever yell around you.

- After the initial panic and hatred, he remembers what's important. You. And protecting you, in every way he can.

- Whenever he's around you, he makes sure to regulate his emotions as much as he can. He'll get all of his anger out at Alfred, just so you never have to worry about him coming home pissed. He wants his home to feel safe for you.

- He tries to be as consistent as possible. If you ever need anything, he won't ask questions, he'll just do it. As much as he wants to be snarky, he'd stop making those kinds of comments to you entirely.

- But if you still know your abuser, he's taking out all of that anger onto them. In his opinion, any person who could traumatize you like that should suffer just like you have.

- Basically, he just becomes a lot more protective. In public, he'd hold your hand constantly, so you always know that you're not alone. In private, he'd lay off any questioning. Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, he'd push his own curiosity aside.

- Although, he struggles with talking about what you went through directly. He's likely gone through something similar, and an honest conversation about either of your problems freaks him out a little bit.

- He can comfort you, bringing you back from the brink with no problem, but don't expect him to have any meaningful ideas on how to help you cope.

- (His only idea is what he does. Which is to try to ignore it. Which is bad.)

All Arthur had to say was “What's wrong with you?” for the spiral to start. He wasn't even serious, but the smirk plastered on his face seemed to turn sinister within a second. The smell of the room, the direction of the sun, the feeling of your socks, all of it was too familiar. All of it was exactly like that time long ago.

You started to breathe heavier, eyes darting for something to save you from the situation you had just been cast into once again. Something must be different, this can't be happening again.

“Y/N?” Arthur asks, his voice distant and muffled within your panicking mind, “Y/N, look at me.”

When he reached out gently to rest his hand over yours, you completely drew away within an instant. Shaking, cowering in fear against the couch, as far away as you could get from...

“Y/N, is it happening again?” He said, his words barely registering. You nodded, still looking at everything and nothing.

But you watched intently as he got up. He walked over to the thermostat, his footsteps nothing like you remembered from back then. It suddenly became colder than it used to be... and a blanket was draped over your quivering body.

“It's over. They're not here... ok? I promise it's over.”

“You promise? Y-You promise?”

“You're safe. There's nothing here that can hurt you. I promise.“

[plumoh]

a prayer and a coin; chapter 3

Natsume Yuujinchou & Noragami crossover fic.

Rating: G Wordcount: 3603 Characters in this chapter: Natsume & Yato, a bit of Nora Summary: Takashi's guardians have been angrier than usual—Yatogami probably has a solution, right? AO3 link -- Previous chapter

Takashi knows that something is wrong in the house. His aunt, even if she has never been particularly warm towards him, keeps glaring at him whenever she sees him, and his uncle shouts more and more at every inconvenience he encounters. They aren’t the best people Takashi has been living with, but they are nice enough—they feed him and gave him a room to stay in, despite the fact the apartment is small.

So he doesn’t understand why they are suddenly acting angry for no apparent reason. Breakfast time is uncomfortable, each member at the table keeping their eyes glued to their plate while the silence is slowly suffocating them. Takashi doesn’t dare say anything and shovels rice into his mouth to leave the table as fast as possible.

“I’ll be home late tonight,” his uncle grunts.

“Tonight, like yesterday, and every other day of the week,” his aunt sneers.

“It’s not my fault my boss makes us work overtime!”

“I already told you months ago you should change jobs!”

“As if it’s that simple!”

Takashi picks up the last piece of tomato, barely chews it before swallowing, then gathers all his plates to put them in the sink. Then, he grabs his backpack by the genkan, hastily puts on his shoes and shuts the door behind him as quietly as possible. His aunt and his uncle are locked into a fight and they won’t realize he’s gone. The first time it happened, a week and a half ago, Takashi was sure he’d get scolded for leaving without saying goodbye first—but they didn’t reprimand him in the evening and acted like nothing was wrong.

His guardians’ outbursts are more frequent day after day and it’s starting to get worrying. Takashi has no idea what he should do, and stepping in in their fights sounds like a recipe for disaster; he has no right to meddle when the topic of their conversation doesn’t concern him at all. He doesn’t have anyone to reach out for help.

On his way to school, he always passes by a payphone. He’s never truly noticed it before, but ever since he met Yatogami, he thinks that he’s lucky to have a phone just within reach in case he needs anything. Maybe…

Takashi pats his pockets, fishes out a few coins and inserts them in the machine. He takes out the slip of paper with Yatogami’s number on it, copies each digit with care, and waits. There is one ring, then two, and Yatogami picks up.

“Hi, thank you for calling, this is the delivery god Yato! Fast, cheap and reliable, I’m at your service!”

Perhaps Yatogami should change up his welcoming phrase from time to time?

“Yato-sama, it’s Takashi.”

“Oh Takashi! You weren’t kidding when you said you’d call sometimes.”

“Well… I can handle whatever I see on the streets, but today I’m calling because my aunt and my uncle are acting strange. They suddenly got angry for no reason and it has been going on for almost two weeks. I don’t know what to do.”

The line is silent for a moment, then Yatogami hums.

“They’re not usually angry, you say? Are you sure they aren’t just fighting because of some problem they have?”

“It doesn’t sound like it. One day my uncle started shouting and my aunt immediately got upset, which doesn’t happen usually.”

“Did you notice some ayakashi hanging around your house?”

Takashi feels dread and shame overwhelm him in equal parts. He hasn’t even thought about ayakashi causing harm to people this way.

“I’ve always thought that the monsters wanted to hurt us by eating us,” he mumbles.

“Yeah, well, some youkai and ayakashi do eat people, but ayakashi corrupt them by amplifying their negative emotions first. And when those people are too far gone, they get absorbed. So eaten.”

Takashi almost drops the phone. “There are ayakashi who are trying to eat my aunt and uncle?!”

“Hey, calm down, kid. I, uh…�� There is some shuffling in the background, like Yatogami is moving around to speak somewhere else. “I can’t come right now, but I’ll swing by later, alright? Probably in the evening or in the middle of the night, so don’t wait up for me. Just put a coin in the genkan for payment.”

“What…are you going to do?”

“I can kill the ayakashi and stop them from affecting your guardians. Don’t worry, it’s an easy job for me.”

And the thing is, Takashi trusts Yatogami more than he’s ever trusted anyone else. He doesn’t know who he is, what he does on the regular or what kind of god he actually is, but Takashi keenly feels drawn to him. Yatogami tells him everything will be fine, and Takashi believes him.

“Okay,” he says, a little more reassured, and so relieved to have found a solution. “Thank you for always taking up my requests.”

Yatogami snorts. “Business is business! See you later, Takashi.”

Yatogami is the one who hangs up first. He’s most likely in the middle of another job judging by his hasty exit, which is good news for him, since he wants to earn money. Takashi should ask him sometime why he needs money so badly. (Surely a god doesn’t have to buy food or a house with real, human money? Do they really collect the money used for prayers at temples?)

Takashi hangs up, smiling to himself, and goes to school with a lighter heart.

-----

During dinner, Takashi notices that there are indeed ayakashi riding on his guardians’ shoulders. He wonders if they were hiding up until now, or if they only come out at night to…absorb the negative emotions? Takashi keeps a careful eye on them, but they seem too busy being delighted at feasting upon the anger that’s consuming their targets.

He’s not worried. The ayakashi aren’t that big, and Yatogami said he’d take care of it. His aunt’s drawn out features tell him she’s becoming exhausted day after day, and his uncle’s frown gets deeper with each passing hour. If Takashi didn’t call for help, he’s not sure that the situation would have been resolved by itself.

On his way to his room, he drops a 5-yen coin in the genkan next to his shoes. Even if his guardians find the coin before Yatogami arrives, they probably won’t bother picking it up—Yatogami’s low price has some advantages, after all. No one would expect that such a small coin could buy so much.

Takashi only hopes that whatever Yatogami plans on doing won’t be dangerous for anyone involved.

-----

“...sure you want to do it?”

“It’s just a regular job. I have to find the ayakashi and kill them.”

Takashi’s eyes flutter open. There are voices coming from the living room.

“You’re spending too much energy on such foolish jobs. The ayakashi might not even be present in this house. You know you don’t need to grovel at people’s feet to survive if you come back.”

“We’ve talked about it, I don’t want to repeat myself over and over.”

It’s Yatogami. He’s with someone—a young girl, by the sound of her voice, and Takashi wonders if it’s the sleepy haze in his mind that makes him think Yatogami isn’t really happy to be here. Or maybe he isn’t happy with the person who is accompanying him.

Takashi slips out of his futon and pads over his door to press his ear against it. He can hear their conversation more clearly, now that they are heading towards his way, most likely to reach his guardians’ room which is at the end of the corridor.

“That boy. It seems that he remembers you, if he called you multiple times already.”

“Spying on me when you’re bored, Nora? You’re always sticking your nose in my business.”

“Father is worried, that is all. He wants to make sure you’re not running to your death with every ridiculous plan you come up with.”

Nora. What a strange name; is she a god as well?

Yatogami’s voice doesn’t raise at all, but Takashi hears irritation starting to seep into it.

“Yeah, of course.”

“You already promised, anyway.” There is laughter in Nora’s voice.

Takashi doesn’t understand what they’re talking about, but he knows that Yatogami isn’t acting like he usually does. He sounds so cold and subdued, in a way that makes Takashi feel sad for him. Hopefully he will be able to cheer himself up after tonight.

(Takashi also hopes that Yatogami’s strange mood isn’t due to his request. He should call tomorrow to make sure everything is alright.)

Yatogami and Nora don’t say a word more, silently walking towards the room in the back. Their footsteps stop right in front of the door, or so Takashi assumes—it’s not easy to make out what a god is doing, when they’re trying their hardest to be quiet and invisible. In some twisted way, gods and youkai aren’t so different; they’re living their life right under ordinary people’s nose and those who can’t see them will never be able to figure out what is the cause of the odd events happening around them.

“Hiki.”

The word leaves Yatogami’s mouth just as the doorknob creaks, and from then on all Takashi can hear is hurried footsteps and things banging against walls.

Takashi’s stomach drops and panic seizes him—what if his guardians wake up because of the noise? What if Yatogami breaks something during whatever exorcism he’s doing? Is Yatogami trying to kill the ayakashi? Surely there is a more discreet method to get rid of them! 

For a full minute, Takashi’s heart hammers against his ribcage and his ears are loudly ringing as he listens to the commotion in the room. For a full minute, it sounds like an animal is being chased by a bigger prey, leaving behind sounds of a voice squeaking and wood groaning.

Then, silence.

Takashi’s heartbeat is louder than anything in the night. He puts his forehead against the door, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. He shouldn’t have made this request.

“That was a quick job well done. Return, Hiiro.”

Something touches the floorboards in an almost imperceptible noise, like a feather dropping on water.

“You haven’t complimented my skills in a long time,” Nora says, in that odd cheerful voice that makes Takashi’s skin prickle. “That boy must be truly important to you.”

“I just didn’t want the people sleeping in the bed right next to us to wake up because we broke something. And I know you like being the best there is among regalia, so.”

Yatogami doesn’t finish his sentence, but Nora seems content to absorb the words as they are. Takashi is too dazed by the events to properly make his mind come back to his brain—all he knows is that he didn’t make a mistake, and his guardians are wholly unaware of what just occurred. He hasn’t felt so much stress in his life before.

Yatogami and Nora pass in front of his room once more, then the door of the apartment opens.

“What are you doing, Yato?”

“Takashi left the coin next to his shoes.”

Nora doesn’t reply, but it seems that she patiently waits for Yatogami to finish whatever he’s doing. When the door quietly closes behind them, Takashi breathes.

-----

It hasn’t been easy to go back to sleep after the night he’s spent. He hasn’t seen any of what actually happened, but the conversation between Yatogami and Nora left Takashi puzzled and with a lot of questions. He never thought before that there could be more to the world of youkai and ayakashi than what he sees every day; maybe gods do live a life much like humans, with their own sets of problems and people to look after. Nora sounded like someone close to Yatogami.

Takashi tries not to yawn or rub his eyes during breakfast. His guardians look healthier and they haven’t shouted once since they woke up, so Takashi considers his request fulfilled. His aunt even smiles at him and gives him an extra egg.

“Don’t forget to take your sports clothes,” she says.

“I have my clothes in another bag,” Takashi answers. “It’s in the genkan with my school bag.”

“Good. I don’t want you to cause trouble to the teachers.”

Takashi nods stiffly, and eats the egg. He knows what this sentence means—don’t cause trouble to the teachers, so you won’t cause trouble to the family. He knows that all his relatives talk about him among themselves to find the best way to make him stop attracting problems.

He thinks that he’s gotten better at avoiding youkai, though. None of them has entered the apartment for weeks and he didn’t come across angry youkai waiting for him at the end of the school day. Following Yatogami’s advice truly helped him spend more normal days, but he can’t say any of this to his guardians.

As usual, he clears his plate and puts it in the kitchen sink before going into the genkan to put on his shoes. When he reaches for them, he stops short and blinks. There is a piece of paper in one of them, neatly folded in a small square. Takashi gently works it open, and he feels himself starting to grin, his heart full.

Thanks for doing business with me ✩ Take care, Takashi!

The note isn’t signed, but it isn’t necessary. The fact that Yatogami bothered at all truly makes Takashi feel like the call he made all those weeks ago is the best thing that has happened to him in a long while.

On his way to school, he considers calling again to thank him for taking care of the ayakashi corrupting his guardians, but he imagines that Yatogami must be overwhelmed with requests and doesn’t have the time to simply chat with a customer. Though if Takashi bumps into him in a temple or even in the street, it will be a lot more satisfying to talk and interact with him—so he goes on about his day, a little brighter, a little happier.

-----

Right when classes end, Takashi runs outside and makes a detour to the local temple. A curious youkai watches him from afar, hidden behind a tree, but hasn’t shown any signs of taking a special interest in him, so Takashi ignores it and tries not to look too anxious while doing so. He’s getting better at pretending to be a normal boy, but he suspects that youkai always know he’s different anyway, since they never stop staring.

The temple grounds are devoid of a tracksuit-wearing god, unfortunately. There was only a slim chance that Takashi would meet Yatogami again in the same place, around the same time, but it couldn’t hurt to try. Many visitors are praying at the offering box; with so many prayers and money to collect, Takashi does hope there is an actual deity watching over them to fulfill all these wishes.

Takashi goes back home and tries the phone number. He really doesn’t want to bother Yatogami, but he needs to express his gratitude. He pulls out the piece of paper from his pocket, dials the number, and waits. Waits for one ring, two rings, three rings. Nothing. Yatogami is probably busy. A little disappointed, Takashi puts back the handset and decides to try tomorrow.

-----

Yatogami doesn’t pick up the following day. He doesn’t pick up either two days later, and doesn’t show up anywhere in the neighborhood.

It’s starting to worry Takashi. Something must have happened to him—an ayakashi corruption? a youkai attacking him? Takashi doubts Yatogami is the kind of person who forgets to call back someone after receiving multiple missed calls.

At dinner, for a few days in a row, his uncle asks him mundane questions about school (it’s fine), friends (also fine, Takashi is used to staying on the sidelines) and how he likes the city (better than expected). He has that thoughtful look on his face that Takashi can’t decipher, like there is a difficult choice to make and his uncle is finally seeing what he should do. His aunt is giving him smiles, but Takashi feels that something is…wrong. These piercing yet neutral looks they give him make him feel like there are thousands of ants crawling in his body.

That feeling is familiar and Takashi, down to his core, already knows what will happen. 

Takashi doesn’t understand. He hasn’t caused any problems for his guardians in months, he hasn’t broken anything in the house and he doesn’t ask for things that aren’t school supplies. They never seemed to…to consider him a burden to take care of. So why?

A week later, his uncle tells him over breakfast, “I finally quit my job. We’re going to move to another city, and we can’t take you with us.” He waves his chopsticks around in an offhand manner. “We’ve been discussing this for a while. You’re going to go to one of my cousins who lives here, not too far actually. You’ll be able to go to the same school.”

A small comfort, Takashi thinks numbly. It’s not too bad. He doesn’t have to leave the city and get acquainted with new places and new people.

“They already have a room for you,” his aunt says as kindly as possible, though Takashi still hears a drop of relief in her voice. “We can visit them this weekend, and then you'll move in next week. That gives you plenty of time to pack your things.”

“Thank you,” Takashi says without thinking twice, not knowing what else to answer in front of those two earnest, satisfied faces.

They aren't bad people, of course. They've taken care of him and they weren't as irritated as his previous guardians; they are one of the most comfortable families Takashi has lived with so far. He can't blame them for wanting to live elsewhere, with maybe a child of their own, after giving so much of their time for him.

It's okay. He's used to it. And, like his uncle said, he won't even move to another city.

That night, after the moon's risen high in the sky, Takashi tiptoes to the living room and uses the phone. There's no harm in trying again, even if all his calls never connected for the past week. With each key that his finger presses, his heart beats louder and his stomach twists itself into tighter and tighter knots. He's hoping too much. He knows how this call will end.

It rings, and rings, and rings. No recipient. No voicemail.

The window's slightly ajar, to let the night breeze in despite the cold weather. Takashi can hear the quiet howling of the wind in the silence.

That night, more than any other day, Takashi feels alone. He slowly puts the phone back on the stand, staring at the figures making up the phone number that he has now learned by heart. Did he imagine all of this? Did he finally lose his mind, and his brain tricked him into thinking that there was a solution to youkai and ayakashi—a solution that involved having someone listen to him? Yatogami probably doesn't even exist. There are no gods who answer every human’s whims through a simple phone call. Shrines are built for a reason.

Takashi lets his legs bring him back to his room, and when he slips into his futon, he squeezes his eyes shut and wishes that the last months never happened.

-----

Days blur together. Takashi wakes up, eats breakfast, goes to school, runs away from the occasional youkai, and does his homework. He has always lived that way, task after task and event after event, with nothing to look forward to.

There isn't much to pack in his room—a small box with some clothes and books, his school backpack and the shoes he's wearing. The box has been used for years now, and Takashi is surprised that it hasn't broken yet after moving so many times. Then again, it's not as if he fills it to the brim. He places the items carefully into it and rearranges them so that nothing will get damaged during the car trip, though he most likely doesn't need to be so meticulous about it for such a short trip.

The scraps of paper hiding a phone number, scattered in his school bag and his coat, are shoved to the bottom of the box. Takashi doesn't want anyone to find them, in case they get the wrong idea and think he's in contact with someone external to their family—he doesn't want them to worry or to be angry right after settling into a new place.

Takashi prefers not to think about the phone number at all, in fact. When he reaches into his pocket and his hand closes around one of the pieces of paper, his stomach lurches and he immediately pulls back his hand. He's terrified. Everything felt so real and true, but he only has a few drawings and a phone number to prove that he hasn't had a very convincing dream. But it wouldn't be the first time a youkai pranks him either.

It's alright. He's fine. He's lived with the burden of seeing another world for years, without anyone believing him, and he has always managed by himself.

There is nothing to worry about. Takashi will say goodbye to his aunt and his uncle, introduce himself to his new guardians, make himself as small as possible in a corner of his new home, and he'll avoid strange creatures. That is his life.

[keroppidreams]

interrupting your daily dose of government assigning blorbos with tamagotchis to dump 🧋🍓lore featuring kin.tama arc. some thoughts under cut!

OK SO KIN.TAMA IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE ARC IN GNTM (I cannot watch that one scene without bawling my eyes out rip) SO I'VE BEEN PRETTY EXCITED TO THINK ABOUT KLARA WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF IT. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE WE GO:

Okay as sweet and ditzy Klara can be, she's in denial about how she feels about gin. 90% is due to her inexperience/unfamiliarity with romance. plus as my SI she has to embody the struggle i experienced while watching the show ("I dont like gin. hes an ass" -> 20 episodes later -> "I-I'M NOT FALLING FOR HIM OR ANYTHING...HES JUST OK..." -> 40 eps later -> lovey-dovey mode activated everything he appears). The other 10% is cause it's gin. hes a fucking menace to society. you know she'd get concerned looks if she admitted to someone that she LIKES-LIKES him. plus she probably lowkey worries that he'd make fun of her or something if she admitted it.

so imagine gin's surprise when he sees klara's interactions with kintoki and she's incredibly sweet to him (maybe too sweet). theres no bickering, no flustered outbursts, no awkwardness. they're getting along perfectly. there's fucking shoujo moments and everything. in other words, it's gin's relationship with klara but without the imperfections and quirks.

live gin reaction:

side note: he definitely turns petty af and does some over-the-top things every time kntk and klara have a shoujo:tm: esque moment.

"WHOOPS! MY FOOT SLIPPED!" *roundhouse kicks kntk in the face*

jokes aside, he definitely has mixed feelings about it. at some point he probably has a brief epiphany and realizes "fuck. is this jealousy?"

of course, he forces himself not to dwell on it for long due to the current situation and it's gin. hes going to try to not acknowledge for various reasons (particularly his shit self esteem and perception of self)

(she deserves better. what does he even have to offer? he's broke. lazy. haunted by the ghosts of his past--)

"...hm? Did you say something, Tama? Sorry I was thinking about the latest issue of JUMP."

As for Klara? She's definitely kind, but distant whenever she interacts with gin (at least until he starts trying to fight kin then she gets pissed). tho sometimes she gets random bouts of nostalgia whenever gin opens his mouth and brings up specific memories/events. then she starts feeling like she's missing something important...

So when she does snap out of the hypnotism and realizes what she has done (turn against gin and tried driving him out of town with the rest of the cast), she's definitely feeling guilty. a part of her feels awful and doesn't want to face him, but forces herself to do it anyways

even if shes crying and blubbering through her apologies even though gin isn't angry at her or anything.

of course that doesn't stop him from messing with her a bit once he helps calming her down by being like "y'know...you could make it up to me by buying me a par--"

klara, nyooming out of the place and returning in 5 seconds: H-hERE! ONE CHOCO PARFAIT!

dude definitely takes advantage of it the first couple of times, though soon knocks it off once he realizes that she genuinely feels guilty about the whole thing and is desperately trying to make it up to him

though after a couple days, things start to go back to normal and their routine of playful bickering and chaos starts to return. might not be perfect, but neither of them mind. it's the way it should be, and they wouldn't ever change it.

okay except the fact that theyre pining for the other and literally everyone and their dog can see it but thats an issue for another arc--

[myaheartsmarkie]

word count: 1.3k

pairing: haechan x f! reader, exes to lovers!

warning(s): mild cursing, a tiny sexual joke, other than that it’s cute :(

producer’s note: uhm i actually love this chapter,,more than i thought?? so im hoping it doesn’t flop!! i will literally d*e :((

[ the room is bare. the only things inside are 3 chairs, one camera, and two bottles of water. the interviewer is sat behind the camera awaiting you two to get settled. you and haechan walk in from opposite sides. you exchange a silent greeting and proceed to sit down.. ]

hey guys! can you please introduce yourselves to the camera?

haechan: hello, I’m Lee Donghyuck, but i go by haechan. im y/n’s ex bf, nice to meet you.

[ he waves at the camera with a small smile. the camera then pans over to you ]

you: hi! i’m y/n l/n, nice to meet you..im haechan’s ex gf.

[ you wave as well and fold your hands in your lap. ]

interviewer: ok, so here in my hand I have a set of 10 questions. 

[ you and haechan nod in understanding. the interviewer then hands you the set of cards. ]

interviewer: you may start whenever you feel like.

you: okay..first question..

you: how and where did we meet and what was my first thought?

[ you turned and looked at your ex bf…he was still as handsome as ever. ]

haechan: wow, the memories 

[ he lets out a light chuckle recalling the memory ]

haechan: we met through mutual friends in high school and you totally fell for my handsome charms and begged me to date you.

[ you laughed at his sarcasm, lightly hitting him with the cards. ]

haechan: nah im joking, we did meet through mutual friends but i was attracted to her first. 

[ you both nod thinking of when you both had met. ]

haechan: i asked her out like two weeks later and we had our first date at the pizza parlor down the street!

you: yeah, that’s right. what was my first impression of you?

haechan: other than thinking i’m so very handsome? you thought i was an employee

[ he mumbled the last part still sulky even though it’s been a long while ]

you: i thought you were a what?

[ you teased him, wanting to hear him say it louder ]

haechan: you thought i was an employee!!

[ he turns to the camera ]

haechan: can you believe that?! do you see this face?! EMPLOYEE WHERE?!

[ you laugh at his small outburst. ]

you: you were dressed like an old man!! a sweater vest and glasses! what was i supposed to think?!!!

[ his face contorts to offense and confusion ]

haechan: are you serious? my fashion game is A-1 do not come for me y/n!

[ you both laugh, enjoying each other’s presence. you were glad it wasn’t awkward.. ]

you: ok, ok. next question!

you: what was our most memorable date? 

[ haechan lets out a laugh at the question, immediately knowing what his answer was ]

haechan: oh my god how could i forget! so it was totally by accident, we went for chili cheese fries after school and we went to take the bus home right. but i kept telling yn that the bus in front of the restaurant was the same as the one by the school (even though it was facing the complete opposite direction!!) and she listened and took it with me haha! we ended up like an hour and a half away.

you: so not funny, i got home past curfew and my mom was so angry.

[ you glared at the boy while he bursted out laughing ]

interviewer: wait but why didn’t you just get off when you realized it was going the wrong way?

you: i was always dropped off and picked up so i never knew how to catch the bus so when he told me it would just turn around i believed him..

[ you blushed still a bit embarrassed by this event, it truly shows how naive and sheltered you were ] 

haechan: it’s okay yn, not everybody has common sense

[ if looks could kill..haechan would be dead….dead as hell ]

you: so you choose murder i see 

haechan: im sorry, im sorry..next question please 

[ you flipped the cards with a small huff ]

you: what’s my favorite gift i got from you?

haechan this di—

 [ camera cut lol ] 

haechan: no for real this time, is it the necklace with my nameplate i got you for our one year?

you: yeah! one point for you~

you: what was my favorite food to make for you? 

haechan: my favorite or yours?

you: i think it’s the same

haechan: ok then let’s say it together. 3, 2, 1…

both: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches 

[ you guys both laugh aloud surprised that you remembered ] 

interviewer: is there a story behind this? 

[ you and haechan look at each other ]

haechan: you wanna tell the world? 

you: sure. so we had took a vacation together, our first year of college and the lady on the plane made the best pb&j sandwiches eveeeerrrr!

haechan: oh im totally telling your mom you said that.

you: i will kill you, hyuck.

haechan: #savehaechan 

[ raising his arms and pretending he was handcuffed to the camera ] 

haechan: but yeah, so true. i think we ate like 3 each that morning, they were out of this world. 

you: you remember the secret? 

haechan: 3, 2, 1…

both: no crust!! 

[ you guys laugh again / camera cut ]

you: what’s my guilty pleasure show? 

haechan: maybe we should start with what shows aren’t your guilty pleasures, that list is shorter

[ you raise your hand at the boy and he grabs your hand not wanting you to hit him ]

haechan: jokes…i’m joking yn

haechan: is it still the same? 

you: of course it is

haechan: we bare bears !

[ you smile at this ]

you: alright last but not least, why did we break up and would you try again? 

[ you grew nervous, you didn’t know what to expect. though the breakup was mutual it doesn’t mean he’s willing to try again. you wanted him too though, you wanted him to want to try again.. ] 

haechan: time. it's a bitch. our schedules clashed and we never had time for each other. we stopped face timing, stopped going on dates, texting. we started fighting more and saying sorry more than anything. so eventually we thought it’d be best to go our own ways. 

interviewer: how long were you guys together?

you: six years. we started dating in 9th grade and we separated our junior year of college. 

[ haechan nodded in agreeing with you ] 

interviewer: would you guys ever try again? 

[ you both looked at each other ] 

haechan: yes, a million times yes. 

[ joy flooded in you. it was the answer you’ve been waiting for. you were overjoyed ] 

you: same here, i would love to try again

[ haechan was beaming, he stood up and opened his arms. you practically jumped into his embrace ]

interviewer: thank you so much for participating! say good bye!

both of you: bye, thank you for watching! 

[ you both smile and wave at the camera. haechan then picks you up and runs towards the exit yelling ] 

haechan: i got her back! all is finally right with the world!! 

[ camera shuts off ] 

end.

☆ synopsis ☆ ; in this series, every member will participate in an interview where their s/o asks them questions and the specified nct member will try their best to answer each one correctly. let’s see how well your man knows you!

prev | part ii | next 

[linnoya-writes]

Things I always hear Kat*angers argue (with counter-arguments):

1) Zuko and Katara’s elements might showcase an “opposites attract” idea, but they’re the same people: both are hot-headed and stubborn and would be at each other’s throats.  Katara and Aang carry the “soft boy/head strong girl” dynamic that is more healthy.

Let’s dive into this idea that Katara and Aang compliment each other better based on their natural responses to danger/conflict:

Aang is playful and cheerful where Katara is serious and focused.

Aang is a patient and peaceful soul where Katara is quick to anger.

Aang encourages Katara to reach for the sky, and Katara keeps him grounded.

Okay-- so it’s safe to say that whenever one partner is angry/frustrated, the other approaches them in a calm, collected supportive manner... right?

Actually, look closer.  These fun-loving, playful and peaceful kid-like traits embedded in Aang’s personality are traits that Katara always had in her-- she just needed someone like Aang to remind her that she had them.  The focused, serious and disciplined traits of Katara are all traits that Aang should be adopting into his own sense of maturity as he gradually becomes more confident and determined to be The Avatar.  

It’s not so much that Katara and Aang compliment each other enough to manage a relationship together, but more that they inspire each other to become more complex, beautiful, individual human beings.  Romantic potential between them has nothing to do with that.  

This “soft boy/head strong girl” idea of Kataang doesn’t even address the way Katara always hides her dark side/emotional issues from Aang in order to be a capable “voice of reason” for him on any given moment, or the fact that Katara is always defending Aang like a mother to a son, chasing him every time he literally or figuratively runs away from problems.  The dynamic between them is an imbalance of maturity rather than a balance of character traits.

Which leads me to Zutara’s dynamic; yes, Zuko and Katara are quite hot-headed, stubborn individuals who easily get frustrated when people don’t see things their way.  They have been at each other’s throats in the past... but here’s what people forget -- they stopped fighting the moment Zuko learned the error of his ways, stood by Katara’s side without judgment when she faced YonRha, and they became an unstoppable well-oiled machine of a duo who understood, respected and trusted each other enough to lay down their lives for the other.

It isn’t to say that Zuko and Katara would never argue or fight again, but the difference here is that their shared maturity, their understanding and mutual respect for one another would keep them at bay to hear each other’s point of view.  They have seen the darkest sides to each other and would know how to approach it calmly and collectively.  Neither of them would downplay or ignore the other’s anger; they would face each other until the conflict is resolved.

And that’s why Zutara’s dynamic, despite sharing similar character traits, holds a lot more weight and power that Kataang.

2) “Their bond is so epic that not wanting them together is like not wanting Han Solo/Princess Leia to be together.”

Okay, so, I’m not completely disagreeing here.  

I do understand that Katara and Aang had a spiritual connection since the beginning (very much like how Hayao Miyazaki sets up two protagonists to have a special, unspoken bond) and the adventures/obstacles they face together make their relationship all the much stronger.  I see Katara seeing Aang as the culmination of all of her dreams come true with the revelation that he is the Avatar, and that she brought him back, and I see Aang seeing Katara as the person who not only welcomed him into this second chance to fulfill his destiny, but to also guide him as a voice of reason into this darker war-torn world that he isn’t prepared for.  As Bryke once commented, Katara and Aang are the “DNA of the show” and I interpret this as the two of them moving the story forward... taking the initiative to go from plot-point to plot-point to fulfill all the needed tasks (ie. finding Aang bending masters) in order to have Aang become a fully realized Avatar.

My argument here is, why does it have to turn romantic?  Why can’t the bond remain as a spiritual, wholesome connection between friends?  Even Roku and Toph brought up the idea of friendship being such a powerful bond that it can transcend lifetimes in “The Avatar and the FireLord”... and I think the beauty of Aang and Katara is that it was a powerful friendship that occurred serendipitously and yet perfectly, setting up the entire arc of the ATLA story.  To me there is more emotional weight in keeping Katara and Aang as life-long friends rather than making things romantic.

The problem with turning their bond into a romance is that it brings up a lot more issues.  Katara is not a nomad like Aang; she would give up her own personal wants/needs to not just be at Aang’s side but travel everywhere with him as the Avatar’s SO, when we know that she is a girl who prefers setting roots, building connections and helping people for as long as its needed (”Imprisoned” and “The Painted Lady”).  She has a strong connection to her family in the SWT and would want to rebuild her home after the war and especially train new water benders.  Her SWT culture that greatly values quality family time, a meat-based diet, clothing made by animal skins would also clash with Aang’s personal tastes-- he’s not even discreet about how much he doesn’t like SWT food.  Furthermore, Aang as the Avatar would have so much responsibility fulfilling his work to the world that he would have a lot of trouble understanding the emotional needs/wants to Katara as a partner-- especially since in the show, he’s so accustomed to seeing her be mature enough to handle tough situations calmly and collectively.  Aang has even repeatedly avoided, ignored or downright down-played Katara’s angry and aggressive outbursts, so it goes to show that he wouldn’t know how to properly “be there” for her dark moments.  Katara has gotten accustomed to setting aside her own emotional headspace to instead nurture/coddle/support Aang.  It becomes a very lonely, very unsung existence, carrying that responsibility to be “collected” one in the relationship.  It’s easy to determine that this would continue as they’d get older, and Katara would continue to carry that heavy burden of always “being there” for Aang, but not vice versa.  

The emotional imbalance in a romance between Katara and Aang would be palpable (and it’s implied in LoK and the comics that they did have problems) especially since healthy relationships are meant to express equality and partnership-- where the two people interchangeably give love and support as needed.   

So yes, Kataang is indeed an “epic” relationship in the sense of friendship, but turning it into a romance would come at the cost of the individual characters’ wants/needs and development, and the healthy dynamic that they had as friends would suffer.

3) “But... what about Aang??  He’s loved her since the beginning and would be so devastated from Katara’s rejection, he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his duty as the Avat--”

Stop.  Just-- I’m gonna stop you right there.

It is not Katara’s responsibility to be there for Aang, especially as PR/damage control for the Avatar.  She does not owe Aang a relationship just because he harbored strong feelings for her, or because he’s grown to depend on her over time, or because he has this unbelievable power of the Avatar State that he hasn’t learned to control without her influence. 

Aang is the one who must grow up, who needs to be the Avatar and understand how to manage this power and sense of duty to the world.  On his own.

Aang needs to learn to be enough on his own.

... And while we’re on this topic, it is never healthy for someone to be figuratively “stuck” or “trapped” in a relationship just because their partner would be a lost, broken wreck without them.  

That is called “codependency,” and that is not okay.

[animationnut]

Yondu's Boys

Headcanons for an AU where both T'Challa and Peter are abducted by Yondu, and become part of the Ravager crew.

...

-After getting mistakenly abducted, T'Challa chooses to stay with the Ravagers, eager to see all the beauties and wonders that exist outside of Wakanda, a galaxy that his father refused to let him experience. His thirst for adventure and calm demeanor at meeting aliens impresses Yondu, and he agrees to take the boy with them. He continues on with the plan of abducting Peter Quill, taking on the mission himself this time. Peter, in comparison to T'Challa, is terrified, and tries to fight off any Ravager that comes near him. T'Challa begs Yondu to let Peter go, but Yondu refuses. When T'Challa tries to argue, Yondu warns him that there are consequences for going against the captain, and that taking Peter is for the boy's own good.

-T'Challa was taught from a very young age to be respectful and polite to his elders, especially other leaders. He doesn't backtalk when Yondu does something he thinks is wrong or unfair. He appeals to Yondu with sound logic and solid debate, illustrating all the better, more beneficial courses of action Yondu can take. His diplomacy skills cause Yondu to realize T'Challa is royalty before the child confesses his lineage.

-Yondu is a lot tougher with Peter than he is with T'Challa, which causes a lot of friction in their relationship. T'Challa tries to step in before things get too far, but sometimes he isn't around when the sparks fly. Yondu finds Peter's stubborn, feisty and rebellious nature equally infuriating and endearing. To curb his angry outbursts, he threatened his crew would eat Peter if he didn't behave. It worked, but Yondu quickly ceased such tactics when T'Challa told him, with heavy disappointment in his voice, that it gave Peter bad nightmares.

-Peter is convinced that T'Challa is Yondu's favourite, and it's a thought that makes him bitter. If Yondu didn't want him on the ship, why did he take him in the first place? He tries not to take it out on T'Challa, because he knows that he didn't do anything wrong, but sometimes he lashes out. T'Challa is very patient, and tries to get Peter to see that Yondu likes him very much, he just has a different way of showing it. Peter makes him promise not to tell Yondu his insecurities, but eventually their captain/adoptive father finds out, and it's a very awkward talk for him, an amusing one for T'Challa, and a relieving one for Peter.

-Peter is a very bad influence. T'Challa shares his need for adventure and freedom, and so the pair often get into misadventures whenever the ship docks.

-Peter and T'Challa share a room. Peter's side is always a disaster zone, and T'Challa's is always neat and tidy. So long as Peter's mess stays on his side, T'Challa doesn't mind.

-As they get older, T'Challa becomes the soul of the ship, with his desire for the Ravagers to use their abilities for good. Peter is the spirit, fearlessly driving them to new and greater heights.

-T'Challa and Peter are attached at the hip. Peter takes a while to adjust to life on the Eclector, and T'Challa comforts him as he grieves the loss of his mother. He keeps Peter from getting into too much trouble, and Peter shows T'Challa that, sometimes, you have to break the rules and get sassy in order to get what you really want.

-T'Challa is the only person who is allowed to touch Peter's Walkman.

-Yondu loves his boys. They become his, and anyone who tries to harm them is either killed or severely beaten. When T'Challa gets homesick and wants to return to Wakanda, Yondu tells him it was decimated in war. When Peter demands to know why he was abducted, Yondu gets harsh in order to shut down his questions. He doesn't want T'Challa to know his home, and his family, are as healthy as when he left it. He doesn't want Peter to know his biological father is out there in the universe, for fear that he'll escape to try and find him. Yondu has lived a long, violent life, but his greatest loss would be losing his boys, and he's selfish enough to keep that from happening at any cost.

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

Can I ask what it would be like for Solsu having to take care of drunk romanced companions? Bonus points if they're told about their shenanigans afterword.

Cait:

(Angry drunk)

•It's best that you don't drink in polite company with her. She's already a feisty individual with a burning passion for inflicting pain, you make her drunk and it's only a matter of time before she incites some horrible fight.

•Sounds funny, but it's really not. Reign her back. Please.

Curie:

.......you aren't really gonna let her drink, right? I highly advise you don't....

Danse:

(Horny drunk ����)

•Danse hardly ever partakes in more than a couple glasses with company and this is exactly why.

•At first it all starts off nice and smooth, just Danse beginning to gradually relax- which is "outstanding" considering his usual rigid disposition. However once that fine line of too many drinks have been crossed, all hell breaks loose.

•It'll start with comments on your appearance, simple incessant "you look beautiful"s spoken with dazed eyes...then it escalates to Danse pulling you into his lap where you're met with his obvious "intentions" prodding you in the ass, all while being held in a bear hug from a blushing, smiling Paladin who happens to look like a kicked puppy when you make him calm down with a drink of water. Don't worry, he might mope but he'll quit if you tell him to.

•Perks back up when you tell him it's time to go to bed...only to mope even more when he realizes that no, it isn't for sexy times. No worries, he'll be happy so long as you let him hold you..

•Is absolutely ashamed and horrified of his behavior when he wakes up and you tell him what went down. Probably will hide his face in his pillows and try to disappear. Swears he won’t drink again and make a fool of himself like that….will totally drink some more.

•Just be lucky he wasn’t feeling melancholic like a post BB Danse would.

Deacon:

(Stupid drunk..)

•Ever seen that one video of that guy busting through drywall like Kool-Aid Man? That's Deacon's level of maturity when properly intoxicated.

•No worries, Desdemona is going to bitch at him from the time he does something too stupid until he isn't even drunk anymore. Frankly, he deserves it too- he's destructive, reckless, and...well..hilarious, but that doesn't mean it's redeemable!

•He seems to perfectly remember all his antics, some he even reflects upon with a proud grin..until his hangover ends up making him wince in pain. Just...take care of him, there isn't any point in trying to scold him. Des has that covered anyways.

Gage:

(Emotional drunk)

•A drunk gage was both extremely rare because of his genuine hate for alcohol and also very shocking. Sure, one may assume that someone so rugged and tough like a raider- especially Gage- would have no issue handling his liquor....oh how wrong you could be...

•You weren't entirely sure what happened, much less where he got the idea, but somehow Gage got the absurd notion that you decided he wasn't good enough for you and you were going to just leave him behind. He'd keep it in for a while, slowly growing more quiet as he took practical gulps of his drink. That doesn't last.

•Eventually he starts to cry, silent tears pouring from his good eye. Whenever you actually notice, it's too late. Just pray no one else is around when this next part happens.

•All it takes is you coming to his side, placing a comforting hand on his back and he crumbles. He'll grab you and push his face into your chest and start sobbing, wailing incoherently as he begs you to not leave him.

•It might seem humorous, but it raised several questions.

•The morning after his outburst, you wake up extra early to present him with a half way decent breakfast in bed- extra grease on the food for good measure. Once he seems to be more coherent, you make sure to talk to him about his apparent fear of you not loving him...which brings him close to tears once again whenever you finally convince him that you do in fact love him and won't ever leave his side so long as he loves you back.

Hancock:

(Stealthy drunk)

•Unfortunately, the mayor of Goodneighbor doesn't really have any fun antics..well at least any that would point to him being intoxicated. Sorry.

Macready:

(Over indulging drunk)

•Mac is arguably the best one to get shit faced with, especially if you like drugs and food. Oh yeah, something about eating while intoxicated is irresistible to him. Think of it like munchies, but in Mac's case, five times as bad.

• After a couple drinks, Mac nonchalantly will reach into his pocket- gesturing for you to come close- before putting a cigarette in your mouth and lighting up- using your's to light his own. If you don't set a stopping point, the two of you will wake up down two packs, several empty containers of jet, and crumbs everywhere.

•When faced with the consequences of his gluttony, Mac will just sit there and whine as his stomach does cartwheels. That's punishment enough...

Maxson:

(Mr. Vomits-a-lot drunk)

•It takes a whole hell of a lot for Maxson to get shitfaced thanks to his rather strict habitual drinking. After all, it would be a strange day if you didn't see him knock a bottle of whisky out before finally turning in..which was kind of sad come to think of it..

•Nonetheless, he does occasionally push his limits when he's especially stressed and it's never pleasant when he does.

•It was sort of funny, in retrospect. One minute you and him were sitting on the flight deck together, casually talking whilst finishing off a bottle of shitty vodka (unknowing that he had already burned through countless bottles before meeting you) when suddenly Arthur started to look pale. It just kept getting worse until eventually he was frantically motioning for you to follow him as he ran to the railings, sticking his head over before throwing up whatever was on his stomach..sending it to a several hundred foot drop below.

•It's a good thing you held him, otherwise the brotherhood might've been short an elder and you short a partner.

•When confronted with his..let's say "overindulgence", he'll sort of look away and try to change the subject. It's probably best if you try to hide liquor for a while. 

Nick:

(Doesn't drink....)

Old Longfellow:

With his age and experience? He's the same as Hancock.

Piper:

(Daredevil drunk)

•Hope you're sober, because if you aren't- there's a good chance you'll be spending the night in Diamond City Jail.

•Piper is reckless on a good day, putting alcohol with that in mass quantities and she's wild. Just hope you have strong will, because she sure as shit isn't going to back down easy.

•It's kind of funny, but her go to is to do crazy shit. Jump off the roof? Hold her cup. Want to vandalize the great green wall? Fuck yeah. Nothing beats the time she wasn't careful and threw a lit cigarette down Ann Codman's cleavage during a heated argument with her.

•She has no regrets either, so don't expect her to be remorseful in the morning whenever you tell her what she did. If anything, she'll just laugh next time she sees Ann.

Preston:

(Over thinking drunk)

•If it wasn't lowkey annoying, you'd probably think Preston's drunken neuroticism was hilarious. Not to be gotten wrong, but even sober, your love could be extremely insistent..mix his anxious attitude with liquor and you end up with a terrible night.

•You knew better than to let him have more than a couple beers, seeing as his tolerance wasn't exactly the best, and yet here you were. Preston pensively sitting at the bar beside you, rich eyes narrowed and focused on the liquid in his glass- his hands resting against his head.

•"I know you're dying to ask...." "Okay babe, since you brought it up...do you think putting electrical wire around our people's settlements would be a bad idea? It might closely resemble a prison but it's for their own good. Wait- shit, what about the kids? Oh god..."

•He may just sheepishly rub the back of his head and apologize in the morning..but he'll be quick to revisit some of the key points and ideas with you if you so much as give him a chance.

X6-88:

(Ridiculous drunk)

•It was only one time..thankfully.

•You, and your whole group of friends had to convince him to try it out- but once he started, he couldn't stop.

•This asshole would throw down drinks faster than Hancock..which was terrible considering his painfully low tolerance to alcohol.

•One thing goes to another and next thing you know, "The Wanderer" is playing in the background, X is singing and dancing like an idiot, and everyone is gathered around- terrified at what they were seeing. It's sort of like seeing a deathclaw do ballet- so, totally understandable.

•He dares you to bring it up later, dares you.

[peachyteez]

little wanderer ≫ DAY FOUR, BABY STEPS.

this fellow stray cat hybrid has been hanging around jiyu’s condo for as long as he could remember, although jiyu may not have noticed him. the cold winter breeze and jiyu’s open bedroom window prompts him to sneak into her bedroom one night. it was just suppose to be one night, but the gods must’ve been smiling upon him.

PART OF THE HEAVEN SERIES.

✧ taglist: @defsoul15, @jaeminpeachy, @joongiebug, @sunsethw4, @t-tbinnie, @chanyeolol, @danibookmarks, @hello-its-ya-boi, @murralyn, @alienmashup, @panini, @moon8894, @koasworld, @taetae123094, @luv3rxcha, @treasure-hwa, @etherealbyeol, @hwaseongzzz, @lovely-sanie, @orbitiiny, @pirate-of-the-dark-seas, @babydolljo, @ms-starlight, @everrrlasting, @bls-luv-me, @atzgiggle, @arohabyeol, @rainbowmagicpixecorn, @soverystupid, @ayetothezee, @kingalls00, @sanstreasure0305, @sparklingmallow, @kpopnightingale, @rosesarethebest, @stillcantfindaproperusername, @bonbonhwa, @its-sarah-stark, @sanismybb, @frankenstein852, @peachseok, @woopetals, @exhofayemars, @pvrkacciosan

✧ notes: y’all, i’m so sorry san’s chapters took basically two months—

✧ WARNING: brief mention of death

back。|  next。

waking up in one of the guest bedrooms, jiyu wearily blinked a couple times before remembering the events from the night before. letting out a small sigh, she sat up and stretched her arms above her head. i hope i didn’t scare him away for good this time.

the various voices and clanks of pans she could hear downstairs made her curious. she glanced at the clock above the bedroom door. 7:34 AM. she tilted her head in confusion. the five boys usually lugged themselves out of bed by 8 earliest, so what’s got them up and running so early?

slipping out of bed and leaving the room, she peered over the railing to see the five boys trying to cook what she assumed was breakfast. she saw some of them (mingi and yunho) struggling with trying to work the induction stove, while some of them (yeosang and hongjoong) were somewhat messily cracking eggs and whisking them. she swore seonghwa had slumped a little just watching them. 

but what surprised her the most was the cat hybrid that had slid over to help yeosang and hongjoong. 

“oh, good morning!” yunho happily greeted her with a wave. at his call, they all followed the puppy’s gaze to see jiyu staring at them from the second floor. “did you sleep well?”

jiyu nodded, not knowing what to process first—the fact that the kitchen might have a chance of burning down, or the fact that san was still there. she slowly descended down the stairs. 

sensing jiyu’s confusion, seonghwa sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. “we all felt bad after your little...talk yesterday,” he admitted, the others nodding along with him. like hongjoong had said the previous night, they all shared blame for her outburst since they all once shared similar thoughts with san. “and it was actually san’s idea to make breakfast...”

jiyu’s eyes widened even more before she moved her gaze from seonghwa to san, who had awkwardly hid behind yeosang. after jiyu left the room, san felt pretty guilty, which was a first for him when it came to humans. it wasn’t until the others had briefed him on their own stories with her did he start to realize that she had been telling the truth. she was right; if she had only taken care of them out of obligation for her career, she would’ve sent them to shelters after they had recovered. but no, she took them under her wing and cared for them as if they were her own children and friends. 

“...so considering how you’re doing all this,” she gestured to the eggs, and other various breakfast ingredients lying around the counter, “is this your way of accepting my offer of staying?” she turned to san, or rather yeosang. 

san shyly side-stepped away from yeosang. he couldn’t meet her eyes as he fiddled with his fingers. after a moment of silence, he nodded. “...if that offer still stands. i know i haven’t been the nicest, but after last night, i don’t think you’re such a bad person—”

“so you thought i was a bad person all throughout the time we’ve known each other?” jiyu teasingly pressed, keeping up an offended facade. 

san’s head instantly snapped up at the realization of his words. flustered, he waved his hands in front of him defensively. “wait—no, that’s not what i meant—”

jiyu burst out into laughter and leaned onto the counter. she never would’ve thought that san would have a change of heart with the way she acted last night, yet the universe is always full of surprises for her. “don’t worry, i was just messing with you,” she explained through her laughs before calming down. “and i’m sorry if i crossed a line last night. it’s just...i’ve had a lot on my mind recently and my emotions seemed to have spilled over. i know that sounds like an excuse but for me, it’s the truth.”

although some of the hybrids in the room had no idea what was bothering her so much, they had to agree with her. ever since she went out with sunwoo the day before, she seemed lost in her thoughts more often or just zoning out.

“it’s alright, really,” san reassured. “i was accusing you of ulterior motives, too so...i think you had a right to at least be angry.”

walking up to the cat hybrid, she softly smiled and held her hand out to him. “so are we good now?” 

san slowly clutched her tiny hands in his and gave it a small, yet firm shake. like proud parents, seonghwa and hongjoong looked at the interaction with proud smiles on their faces. as a matter of fact, they all did. they didn’t realize their small talk from last night would actually help san. 

taking a good look at the state of the kitchen, jiyu found it amusing how they were all trying to avoid her look, knowing they were guilty of the mess. “now then...do you all need some help?” she asked, stifling her chuckles at how they eagerly nodded at her offer. 

breakfast was more lively than it had been the last few days. rather than hiding in his own corner, she could see san communicating with the everyone else, herself included. the others were asking questions and just trying to nudge san to feel more relaxed around them. jiyu didn’t understand how he had a change of heart just over one night, but she was glad to see him progress.

but a question nagged at her from the back of her mind. just who was after san that they beat him to a pulp so badly? who was san and where was he from before becoming a stray? jiyu wanted to ask him so bad to see if she could offer him anymore help, but would it come off as being nosy? would san just retreat back into his little shell?

at that moment, it was like san read her mind. “i think...you all deserve an explanation...considering how i put you all at risk last night,” she nervously said, fiddling with his tail. 

“only if you’re okay with it,” seonghwa reassured from next to him. 

san took a moment to gather his thoughts and words. “i actually came from owners that were...well-off, you could put it. if i remember correctly, they adopted my parents first, then i was born a few years after. unfortunately, they died when i was seven due to what they told me was an accident.”

jiyu felt her heart break for san. he looked so somber at the mention of his parents that she almost told him he didn’t have to force himself. but san continued to talk. 

“after my parents died, the family was so nice to me. they basically treated me like i was their own son. they had a daughter around my age, too...so i even had a friend. i thought i had everything, i thought life was great...” he paused again, pursing his lips as he reminisced his past. “but then one wrong move made me a monster in their eyes.” his ears slumped on his head as his whole figure seemed to shrink. his head was bent down, unable to make eye contact with anyone out of fear that they would reject him like his old family did. 

“you don’t have to tell us what you did if it makes you uncomfortable, san,” hongjoong noted the cat’s tensed state, almost as if he was forcing himself to say what he had to say. 

san nodded, an action so small and light that you could’ve missed if you weren’t paying attention. jiyu switched to the seat next to him and gently pat his back in a comforting motion. “hey, it’s okay, san. let me tell you, if you’re ever comfortable enough to tell us what you did, i swear on my life that our views about you would never change. all of us here...i’m pretty sure i can speak for all of us when i say we’ve made some horrible mistakes in the past, too.”

san lifted his head up in the slightest and saw them all nod at jiyu’s words. looking over to jiyu, he found her softly smiling at him. “i’m not exactly sure what convinced you to stay with us, but i’ll be sure to help you out in any way i can. and you can take your time with us. take baby steps into trusting us, just remember that we’re here every step of the way. and if and when the time comes that you can tell is what happened, we’ll listen with open ears and hearts. okay?”

san took her words to heart. he felt the warmth of her words, and how she genuinely meant what she said. seeing the others’ reassuring faces made things a lot better, too. 

“they told me their story,” san quietly mumbled. jiyu tilted her head in confusion. “how you helped them. i guess that’s what kind of made me take the leap, too.” he confessed. 

jiyu stared at the others with wide eyes. she was surprised they even vouched for her. hongjoong playfully snorted before ruffling her hair. “why are you looking at us like that? all we told him was the truth.”

yunho enthusiastically nodded. “yeah! you saved mingi and i from our old owners and the cold.” mingi nodded with a grin, his bunny ears perking up and bouncing along with his nods. 

“and you saved me from getting put down,” seonghwa chimed in.

“and you helped me open up and trust again,” yeosang languidly added. it was rare for jiyu to hear yeosang say something as sappy as that since their dynamics was usually a lot of teasing (from yeosang), but whenever he did say something warm, it held all the more weight and impact. 

jiyu’s bottom lip started to slightly quiver as she felt herself become overwhelmed with emotions—good ones this time. “you guys are gonna make me cry and it’s only 8 in the morning!”

san snickered. “they weren’t kidding when they said you get emotional a lot, too.”

“they what—!”

“we’re sorry, we didn’t mean it!” mingi apologized while laughing before running away to the living room couch. 

“san, that was supposed to be a secret!” yunho playfully whispered before getting a light flick on the forehead by jiyu. 

“alright, you all get one flick each, come here!” she mischievously smiled before going after each and every one of them. san just watched with amusement at the scene. ‘she really is like a kid on the inside.’ he mused to himself while mingi’s screams echoed around.

[letarasstuff]

Panic, Love and Take Out

Summary: Midterms are hard on all of us, even on a genuis’ daughter

Warnings: Angst, but it’s a fluffy end, I promise 🥺, panic attack, mentions of school (lets admit, we all got  trauma from school), stress, language (I think there’s one swear word?)

Word count: 1.6k

✨Masterlist✨

_______________________________-

“When you get home, you do your calculus homework first. Then you write this essay for history. After that you have to solve the problems from your chemistry class. Wait. It would be better if I do it after calculus”, (Y/N) talks to herself on her way home.

Midterms are around the door and the teachers think giving their students 30 hours worth of homework is the best way to help them study. Sadly they don’t see that it gives them nothing but stress pimples.

“I’m home!” she calls into the apartment while hanging up her coat. Like it occurs in 90% of all cases the teenager is greeted with silence. Her father has yet to come home.

After a little snack (a granola bar and an apple from the kitchen counter) she goes up into her room starting on her homework.

It’s not like all the things she does are due tomorrow or anytime soon. (Y/N) likes to get a head start on her work. So time won’t come and bite her in the end, because she procrastinated too much.

Though this attitude is something everyone envies her for, the downsides of it are just straight up destructive.

Since the amount of assignments doesn’t seem to shrink (Y/N) is constantly worrying about it. She can’t help it. It keeps her awake at night to know what she has to do and it bugs her that she lays awake and does nothing to help the situation.

“One down, only two left”, she mutters, putting her folder for calc away. It’s nearing dinner time, but (Y/N) doesn’t even dream about taking a break.

In her hyper focused state she doesn’t notice three important things:

1. The ever increasing clicking of her ball point pen

2. Her faster shaking leg

3. The front door opening and closing

“Honey, I’m home!” Spencer shouts. The absence of an answer makes his eyebrows furrow. His daughter should be home by now. Her shoes and jacket are neatly on the rack, indicating she must be there. Whenever he announces his arrival she is there to greet him.

“Hey honey, what are you doing there?” he asks, entering her room. The doctor stands in the doorway to take the picture in:

(Y/N) is bent over several notebooks. Textbooks litter the floor and an empty mug stands out between dozens of colored pens on her desk.

“Hi dad. Just getting some homework done. How was work?” She tries to make small talk, but it’s obvious that her focus lays elsewhere.

“It was fine, just a paper work day. When did you take a break? I was thinking about ordering dinner tonight. We could try this new chinese place Morgan recommended. We also can catch up on the newest episodes of Doctor Who. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good, but I have to get this done. Maybe I can join you later” (Y/N) excuses herself.

“Are you sure? It won’t hurt you to take a little time off. Actually your brain needs breaks between every 30 and 90 minutes in between study sessions. So I advise you to take one in order to avoid frustration because of exhaustion”, Spencer tries to convince her.

But the problem is that (Y/N) is her father’s daughter and can be as stubborn and ambitious as he is.

“I know that, dad. I promise it won’t take any longer until I’m finished. Just go ahead and order and begin watching.”

Defeated, the profiler leaves her room. He knows there is nothing he can do for now except for waiting. (Y/N) needs to come to him on her own.

But if she is honest with herself, she isn’t anywhere near being done. Her chemistry work takes longer than originally thought and her whole schedule is in delay. This only adds up on her already high amount of stress. The coffee she drank earlier to stay alert and awake doesn’t help the situation either.

What feels like only minutes later, which is actually half an hour, Spencer reappears in her doorway with a box of take out in his hands.

“Hey (Y/N), the food is here. Do you wanna join me on the sofa?” He asks gingerly. As her father he knows that it won’t take much now to make her explode. But this is exactly what happens.

“No dad, I don’t want to join you. Can’t you see that I’m busy? Not everybody has an IQ of 187 and just needs to read something once and can recite it like a damn robot. Now can you leave me alone for god’s sake?!”

Throughout her angry rant (Y/N) looks at her father with rueful eyes. He always knows that her outbursts, which are extremely rare for a teenager, are never meant to hurt him. It’s just the stress getting to her.

“Ok, honey. Just keep in mind where you can find me. I Love you and don’t overwork yourself.” He quickly closes the door. Spencer stood eye to eye with the worst scum on the planet, but his angry teenage daughter never fails to scare him at least a bit. So he tries to give her all the room she needs to get a clear head again.

(Y/N) on the other hand can’t feel any worse. Not only is she super antsy and stressed, now she also feels bad going off on her dad just like this. She knows he only wants to help her and she really is grateful for that, but in situations like this it’s difficult for her to keep her calm.

As the girl continues to write her essay, she realizes her father is right. Of course she is, she herself knows all the facts and stats there are about studying. Still she chooses to ignore them until it’s too late.

The longer she tries to form coherent sentences the trickier it gets. Which only frustrates her further, which only stresses her more.

“I’m so useless. I can’t even write about a subject I’m really interested in. I’m so dumb, god it hurts,” (Y/N) mumbles to herself. She can’t stop her train of thoughts from getting darker, all the stress now catching up to her mind.

In her state she loses the grip on her pen, letting it fall on the paper and splattering little droplets of ink. Her breath begins to get uneven, unfortunately a familiar feeling for (Y/N). At least she knows what to do.

The girl scrambles into the living room, where Spencer sits on the sofa like he told her earlier.

With shaking legs and a panic filled mind she looks at him, her eyes wide open. “D-dad. I-i-i” she doesn’t need to elaborate further. Not that she would be able to.

Sadly Spencer is experienced with the situation. He is quick to put her down in a chair, pressing her head between her legs. He draws with one hand circles on her back, the other is clenched in hers.

“Shh, (Y/N). Breath we me. We go in for six seconds, hold it for seven and let it go for eight. We can do it together” the doctor instructs her.

They do it until (Y/N)’s breathing is back under her control. She straightens her back again, still holding her dad’s hand in a deadbolt grip.

“I’m so-”

“No, there’s nothing to apologize for. What about we eat dinner and after that we do something repetitive. You really like doing these friendship bracelets, don’t you? I thought about it when I was shopping a few days ago and bought thread. Maybe you can teach me?”

At that his daughter begins to smile agreeing to the plan.

Not long after this, the small family sits next to each other. Old reruns of Doctor Who play in the background. Under softly told instructions Spencer ties his first bracelet. He knows that it is something little children do, but the repetitive pattern of movements help (Y/N) to calm fully down before she crashes down in exhaustion.

Like said before, it wasn’t her first panic attack. But she gets better.

“You know, you can always talk to me. I know school is stressing you out right now. But never forget, that your health, physically and mentally, is more important than any number on a piece of paper. And I will love you forever, nothing will ever change that”, he says after a time of silence. (Y/N) sighs.

“I know. It’s just, I want to do good. I want you to be proud of me”, she confesses. It’s hard for her to open up, but now seems like the perfect moment.

“I’m already proud of you. Hell, you could paint a pile of poop golden and I would be the proudest parent out there. Your accomplishments don’t define you as a human. They don’t determine your worth or are an indicator of your skills and knowledge. I love you, no matter what you do. I will always support you. I just want you to be happy and healthy.”

“Thanks dad. I love you too. Even though you are sometimes a real pain with your ‘know it better’ attitude”, she jokes and puts her head on her father’s shoulder. He slings his arm around her shoulders, making her snuggle into him further.

So the father and daughter sit there blissfully, basking in each other’s presence.

[suchalonelysunflower]

Over And Out (l.h)

End Up Here - Part 4

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A tour. A secret relationship. And rumors only grow...

Warnings: Angst, mild smut. Mentions of harassment, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, creepy men, jealousy, alcohol, cheating, fighting, sexism, and many frustrations. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 10k

Author’s Note: this is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever written, I believe. Next part will be up on March 14th. Remember that Reblogs, Fedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3

Liked by michaelclifford, 5sosfan4eva and 1,573 others

lukehemmings and away and away we go ✈️

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5sosfan4eva THEY ARE TOTALLY DATING

↪️ calumlovesash I hope they’re not 🤢 she was much better with Madden or Josh. At least they’re famous

yn5sos I’m changing seats with Michael

↪️ lukehemmings @yn5sos 🥺

*

@5sos EUROPE ARE YOU READY?!

“I can’t believe we’re already here!” Y/N cheered as they got to the hotel.

It’s been a month on the road already and they finally had a few days to rest before traveling to yet another destination. They had the idea of doing a tour to promote not only their new singles and tease the album release that’s bound to happen next year, and it ended up being one of the most incredible ideas they had after spending almost a year without doing shows.

They started with a small tour in Europe, then they will move on back home in Australia for a couple of shows, and then the big finale in the United States where most of their shows were already sold out. By that time, the fans would’ve already listened to the new songs and be even more hyped for the new album.

Luke was the newbie on tour, this not being the first time he traveled away from home, but the first time he did it with people he cared about. He was having the time of his life with Y/N, the boys, and their s.o. It all felt like a dream. He was actually living the life of a rockstar on his summer break, even if most of the things they did they had to keep it a secret.

When Y/N invited Luke on tour there was no way he would’ve said no to her - not just because he pretty much can’t say no to her, but that’s another story.

She said she wanted to take it slow and that was exactly what they were doing. They didn’t put a label on whatever they had going on, but rather they enjoyed the moment stealing kisses and nights whenever they could.

They would sneak out into each other's rooms late at night, longing to be closer. They would spend hours upon hours tangled in the sheets, loving each other and sharing whatever was on their minds at the time. Making those moments their own amid their borrowed time between destinations. A moment for the two of them.

Luke found it weird at the beginning; hiding their relationship from the world until it became official. But these last few months he could see a change in Y/N, she seemed happier, more open to talking about her feelings and her past. He understood that this was important to her, to live a normal life until she feels ready to share it.

If time is what she needed, time is what she’ll get.

The boys and their girlfriends were all supportive. They too understood the importance of keeping some things private as well as the changes in Y/N’s behavior. They were all happy to see their friend back, just in time for tour.

But it was almost impossible to control what was put in the media. The fans already know who Luke is and that he spends a lot of time with the members of their favorite band. They speculate about his relationship with Y/N, creating rumors that even though he wants to, he can’t confirm nor deny. And when it came to the media outlets, those were much, much worse.

They didn’t say much about him “The privilege of being normal” Said Calum once. But they did have a lot to say about Y/N…

“Y/N L/N is back at it again with a new man?!”

“No tears this time? Y/N L/N Caught smiling and getting cuddly with a member of her team! Can she mix work and pleasure?”

“Serial heartthrob Y/N L/N seen with other men while still refusing to talk about her most recent break-up? Sounds fishy to me!”

“What was she thinking?! Y/N L/N was spotted in an outing with his “new friend” wearing very thin shorts and a crop top. Not so family-friendly apparently”

Horrible things were written about her every day but she ignored them as if they didn’t exist. Luke wished he could do the same.

Every little article, tweet, or comment about Y/N made his blood boil. It was clear that they were completely made up to be some “big news” when the reality was far from that and they kept disrespecting them and their relationship even if it was still on the down-low.

But Luke could not stop reading them. It was addictive how he couldn’t resist clicking on her name every time it popped out, not because of some morbid reasoning behind it, but because those articles seemed to know more about Y/N than Luke himself. People kept talking about a past he didn’t know she had. Were those made up as well? Or are they based on reality? Would he be able to know the difference?

Truth was, he couldn’t. He loves Y/N blindly, he got to know her in one of the most genuine ways but it feels like that is not enough. It’s almost like she is living a secret life he doesn’t get to know.

He wonders when it will end. This seemingly permanent stage of seating on the sidewalk, waiting for the light to turn green so they could walk freely into their relationship. Where people will support them, respect her and let them be happy. But that could never happen when she’s the one who doesn’t want to move.

Luke respects that she is not ready to talk, as she said time and time again. But he just couldn’t comprehend how she, right now, could be so at peace while her name is thrown through the mud and back. Smiling with the boys as they take pictures for promo while management arranges the check-in. Does she not know what they are saying about her or she just accepts it without any retribution?

He was asking himself all these questions as he watched her so happy, his mind tormenting him with a dark cloud over their sunny day. He wants to protect her, but he doesn’t know how or if she would even let him.

And yes, maybe that was selfish of him. Banging on a closed-door with his heart in his hands. But what about the person with the key and the lock? Aren't they a little bit selfish too?

“Hey!” He heard Kat said as she sat beside him, nudging her shoulder against his.

Luke turned to her, his eyebrow still locked in a frown as he muttered a little “hey”

The blonde girl scrunched her nose at him “Yikes, what's happening that it has you all worked up, buddy?”

Luke pressed his lips on a thin line as his eyes traveled back at Y/N. She was laughing at something Ashton had said when she turned to look at him.

Y/N smiled, winking at him as she waved. Luke stared at her for a while, a small smile playing on his lips as he raised his hand in acknowledgment. He could feel his heart skipping a beat every time their eyes met, but the dark feelings in his mind made his expression turn sour the moment Y/N turned around again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the girl sitting next to him.

“You read them again, didn’t you?” Kat asked, already knowing the answer just by looking at how his shoulders tensed the moment she asked it.

They were all aware of the tabloids and the stories, being a regular occurrence to them, but not for Luke. They all knew this was new to him as well and how overwhelming it might be. So they all tried to ground him as much as possible, not letting him get affected by it as he had before.

“Now why are they saying that?!” He spat as he threw his cellphone on the leather couch, calling the boy's attention.

It was a normal day at the studio. They were all getting lunch as they laid back in the break room while Y/N and their girls went out to get them coffee.

Calum was the first one to speak, confused by his friend's sudden outburst “Uh, what exactly? And who?”

“This!” He said, grabbing his phone and tossing it at Calum. The rest of the boys gathered around as Luke plopped himself down on the couch.

Ashton began to read out loud “Seeing the growing rumors of Y/N’s mystery man, here’s a list of every guy we wished would date her”

“Okay that’s fucked up,” Michael said, swallowing his food.

“It’s better than the last one…”

“What?!” Luke asked, outraged that there are worse things out there.

“Dude, chill,” Calum said, “We understand this is beyond fucked, especially now that you’re dating or whatever. But you getting this angry at it won’t solve anything”

“Won’t solve anything?!” He said in a loud tone “That’s my girl they’re talking about. My girl dating other guys while she’s with me!”

“But they don’t know that,” Michael argued.

Luke shook his head, taking his phone back from Calum’s hands as he started typing furiously.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?! Letting them know that they can go fuck themselves” Luke answered, eyes still on the phone, a second away from pressing send before Calum snatched his phone.

“No!” He said “You are not going to out your relationship without her consent!”

“But-“

“Plus, I already took care of it,” Ashton said, holding his phone up “I tweeted at them telling them how incredibly disrespectful they’re being, now the fans are onto them and I already messaged management to deal with it”

“And that’s it?” Luke’s eyes winded “That’s all you’re gonna do?”

“That’s all we can do right now,” Ashton said with a sigh, sitting next to it “We know these situations suck, they’re horrible and dehumanizing and we are glad more people are realizing just how shitty the media is. But if we respond to every rumor there is it’s going to be a never endless battle, it’s going to backfire. We know, we tried”

“But all the stories are aimed against her” Luke said, running a hand through his face with frustration clear in his eyes “She didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Why do you think that is?” Michael chimed in “Think about Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears… They aim for women because they think are easy to kill”

“Which they’re not. It makes them stronger somehow. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if I was them” Calum said “Women are stronger than you think when it comes to this, Y/N included”

“We’ve been living with this kind of shit show for years. We defended her with knives and teeth, dragging every single outlet that posted something against her. But that shit only made it worse for her”

“They loved the attention they were receiving” Ashton’s voices laid with sarcasm “Every interaction we had they profited from it, creating even more rumors, one worse than the other, just so they could have the clicks. Eventually, Y/N asked us to stop defending her publicly and she decided to ignore it altogether”

“But we still fight for her, though. We flag the post, demand they take it down, talk to PR and management for damage control, and even sue for defamation a couple of times. She’s never got to go through any of that on her own, we wouldn’t have allowed it”

“And what am I supposed to do, then?” Luke asked, a mix of frustration and desperation filled his voice “Just do nothing?”

“Be there for her” Calum answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world “Support her. Love her. Comfort her. Whatever she needs. She’s a strong woman, one of the strongest we know. But there will come a time when she will have to lean on someone, and you have to be there and ready for her. She trusts you. Don’t let her down”

Kath placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder, understanding the man’s pain.

“I just-“ He said with a sigh “She never reads them, you know? The articles. But I do, I can’t help it. They seem to know more about her than me and that’s just-“

“Fucked?”

“Yeah,” He said as he took a long breath “I don’t know… I’m trying. This is all very new to me and she’s a professional at dealing with this kind of shit. But at the same time, she never tells me anything, how she feels about them or if they’re real or not. It’s fucking me up”

Kat hummed “And I assume you don’t ask her about it either”

The girl crooked an eyebrow at Luke, seemingly seeing through him “I- I don’t want to push”

She sighed and patted his shoulder “Let me tell you something, Luke. From girlfriend of a celebrity to the boyfriend of a celebrity” She started, earning Luke’s complete attention “When I started dating Calum we decided to keep it private, out of the eyes of the media and even from some of his friends. It was good at the beginning, great even! But the heart is ambitious and it always ends up wanting more. We fought a lot during those times, part of us wanting to hold on to what we had but at the same time longing for some kind of freedom. In the end, we did end up going public, as you know. We endure a lot of hate, we still do. But we knew what we were up against, you’re still trying to figure that out. But I’m telling you to know there is something you’re lacking”

“And what is that?” Luke asked with curiosity.

“Communication” Kat smiled sweetly at him “How do you expect to reach a meeting point while you’re sitting here in your own dark cloud and she’s over there with no clue of what’s happening with you and vice versa?”

The blonde girl got up from her seat next to him, giving him one last piece of advice before walking towards Calum “Don’t give up before you try. No one said it was going to be easy but, it’s your choice to see if it’s worth it”

Luke watched her walk away, rousing her arms around Calum’s waist as she smiled sweetly at him, giving him a small peck. Luke smiled at their love.

He thought about their friends, how in love they are with their partners and how free they are to love publicly, facing the retaliations of being in the public eye. But they seemed happy, they were happy. And he realized he wanted that for him and Y/N.

His mind drifted off to the possibility of going public, cleaning the air once and for all. No more “mysterious guy” or “Y/N’s possible secret lover” he’d be Luke Hemmings, the proud boyfriend of singer Y/N L/N. They could be happier, free. They could fight those rumors together and face the stormy weather that would come. He’d defend her until the end of times, protecting her with his life and supporting her in everything she does. He wanted that for them. But it wasn’t his sole choice to make.

“Babe!” He heard Y/N call.

She was walking up to him, a playful smile on her face as the nickname rolled off her tongue. She was wearing one of his hoodies, making her look small as she approached him.

He noticed that her eyes were shining, lately, they always did and he couldn’t get enough of them. He could get lost in her eyes willingly, throwing away the map and making himself home.

He loved her. Oh, he was so in love with her he didn’t even know what to do. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was about wanting to love her freely. He just wished she thought about it too.

“I got our keys” She smiled, pulling two cards out of her back pocket.

“Oh?” Luke asked playfully with a grin drawn into his face “And where am I supposed to sleep this week?”

In order not to create any suspicion about their relationship, they decided that Luke will have his own hotel room on tour - even though everyone knows that’s not where he sleeps or where he wakes up in the mornings. Usually “Luke’s room” is used to store the extra luggage they carry.

Y/N fake pouted “Sadly, Mr. Hemmings. Your room is at the other end of the hall”

Luke gasped “That far away?! Is there any way I can be… closer?”

The girl bit her lip as she rounded her arm around his waist, standing on her tippy toes as she softly whispered in his ear “Let’s see what I can do about that, Sir”

Y/N giggled as she heard Luke let out a soft groan, pecking his cheek with a small kiss as she stood in front of him again “Baby, you’re going to be the death of me” He said, trying to get a hold of her by her waist. But she was quicker, swiftly moving a step back as she started walking towards the elevators. One last look over her shoulder got him grabbing their things as he followed her without any questions.

The elevator ride is quiet, the beating of their hearts being the soundtrack to their wait as they reached their floor. Y/N didn't look at him as she walked towards the door, unlocking it with one swift movement of the wrist and leaving it open for Luke to come in after her.

When he opened the door, she was nowhere in sight. He wondered if she hid somewhere, this not being the first time she would jump and scare the shit out of him. But then, his ears picked up a soft humming coming through the bathroom door, and with a devilish smile he let their luggage at the side of the closet, he locked the door and made his way to her.

Y/N was humming one of her favorite songs when Luke caught her reflection in the mirror but she was not looking at him. She was putting some lotion in her hands, fingers tracing up until her upper arm with barely-there touches.

“Remember we have a party in a couple of hours, Hemmings,” She said when she felt him getting closer “We should get ready soon” He just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention to her words.

Softly, he placed his hands on either side of her hips, pulling her closer to him. Y/N kept ignoring him as she dried the excess of product out of her hands and it wasn’t until Luke pushed away some of her hair and started kissing along her neck that she finally gave him a proper response to his action.

Luke smirked as he felt her let out a shaky breath as his lips traced the shell of her ear, kissing it softly before moving lower and lower, kissing and sucking on her skin as slow as he could, making her tremble under his touch.

“Luke,” She said, holding her breath as she felt his calloused hands travel under the hoodie she was wearing. His hoodie. The one that always smelt like him.

“Hmm?” He asked, not stopping his movements for a second.

“We- uhm” The girl stuttered in a whisper when his hands started touching her over her bra, softly rolling over the nipples and making them hard “We should - oh - we should start getting ready soon”

“We should, huh?” He asked, voice raspy and low “It will be rude to go a little bit late. Wouldn’t it?”

Y/N let out a sigh when his hands left her breasts, trying to regain her breath before she lost it all over again when his fingers started playing with the hem of her jeans.

His fingers wandered carefully, fiddling with the button and zipper until they weren’t an issue. His lips grazed her neck up and down, kissing it softly as his fingertips finally reached her center.

She let out a soft moan when she felt him over her panties, tracing her lips over them and feeling her arousal “I’m sure they could wait a little bit longer” He said as he pressed a finger to her clit over the fabric “We need to take care of a few problems before that, don’t you think?”

He pressed his hips onto her, a soft whimper escaping her mouth when she felt his growing erection against her.

“So wet for me, my love” He groaned as her hand flew to the top of his hair, trying to find balance as she tugged on his curls “Always so beautiful for me”

“Luke-“

He opened his eyes just in time to catch her staring at him through the mirror with a desperate look in her eyes. It took him less than a second to spin her around and press her against the countertop, ceasing his lips into her like she was his last meal on earth.

She tangled her hands behind his head, fingers deep into his hair as he grabbed her by the back of her thighs, easily lifting her off and taking her to the king-size bed where they made sure to lose track of time between kisses and moans as they satisfied their needs with each other, over and over again until they fell through the abyss of pleasure together, whispering sweet confessions as their breath went back to normal.

It was easy to say that they were the last ones to reach the lobby. What was hard for them to ignore was the knowing looks and teasing smiles from their friends that were waiting for them for a good amount of time.

“Don’t say anything” Y/N threatened Ashton as he opened his mouth. But he just laughed

“If you want Luke to walk around with his fly open then sure, I’ll keep my mouth shut”

*

The ride to the party was filled with laughter and chit-chats. They were all in a great mood to finally have a mini-break in between shows and what better way to celebrate it than at a big party?

Luke stole glances from Y/N as she talked to Bethany. She looked beautiful with her black dress, making Luke proud and a little bit snug about him being the one who would take her home afterward.

But he knew that after tonight they needed to talk. And not “talk” like they usually do. No, this time he was going to express his concerns to her, his hopes for them, and confess his love for her over and over again. He wanted her to know how he feels, he needed to know where they stand and what she needs to feel more comfortable and what he can do to help her feel at ease.

He just needs reassurance, something to hold on to while he provides the same for her. In the end, he knew they would be okay.

After a few minutes, they reached the house of the host. Luke marveled at the mansion that stood proudly in front of him. When Y/N mentioned a party with some label associates, she never mentioned that the party was going to be hosted by the president and owner of the label.

He felt Y/N tug on his hand a couple of times before separating herself from him and going to stand next to the girls.

For a moment Luke forgot that they needed to keep appearances and couldn’t be together romantically in public. He could feel his heart aching as he watched her walk away with her friends, laughing together as they stepped into the party.

“Hey,” Michael said behind him, following the eyes of the sad man next to him “It’s just one night”

He tried to be comforting, but all Luke could wonder was: Would it be just for a night?

The party was wild. That’s the first thought everyone has in their minds as they step through those doors into a world of darkness mixed with neon lights, smoke machines, and three open bars scattered around the hall. People were separated into groups: The ones who were too drunk to stop dancing, the ones not drunk enough to start dancing, and the ones who were networking their way into the industry.

Everyone that was someone was at that party. Producers, artists, songwriters, performers, agents… You name it. It was a party for the big leagues and Luke could not help but feel out of place the moment he stepped foot into the scene.

“Hey! 5 Seconds of Summer. C’mere!” A voice called over the music.

Standing not too far from them there was a man, his bald head shined under the lights as he held a drink to his lips, beckoning the band to come over.

Y/N and the guys started walking towards the man without a second to wait, leaving Luke and their girlfriends to witness the interaction from afar.

“Who’s that?” Asked Luke, getting closer to Danielle as they watched their partners laugh with a bunch of men who were now surrounding the band.

“That’s Anthony Kellinghs” She answered, swiftly grabbing a drink from one of the trays carried by the passing waitresses “He’s one of the big bosses in the industry. Ashton said his team approached them not too long ago to see if they would be interested in changing labels and work with them”

Luke glanced back to the group. Y/N was standing next to Calum, talking about something that made Anthony smile even though her face was serious. He did not like the way that man was looking at her.

Anthony laughed loudly, making other guests turn his face towards them. Y/N and the boys shared a confused gaze as they laughed awkwardly along with him. The bald man kept laughing, clearly intoxicated as he lowered his hand and rounded his arm around Y/N’s waist.

Luke’s breath got caught in his lungs as he watched how Y/N’s body movements came to a halt and her eyes widened in discomfort, her smile seemed stiff but she didn't stop laughing or talking to the guy. Luke could feel his blood boil as he watched his girl in the arms of someone else, acting like nothing was happening and that everything was fine, in front of him.

“What the fuck?” He muttered under his breath. Debating on whether he should go and punch that dude in the face. No matter how important he was in the industry, he wanted him away from Y/N immediately.

But he didn’t move and neither did Y/N. Luke didn’t know if it was because she physically couldn’t or because…

No, he rejected that thought immediately. It was clear to him by her eyes that she was desperate to get away from his touch. And apparently not only to him because the moment that man put his hands around her Ashton and Michael called his attention away from her, moving a few steps back so Y/N could have more space to free herself the moment she could. Calum had his eyes on her, too, with his arm placed to his side as if he were to take her away from there at any second.

Yet the man did not move an inch away from her. Instead, his hand trailed lower with every word he spoke, until Luke couldn’t see it anymore. All he could see what’s Y/N’s uncomfortable face as she suddenly jumped forward, fear written all over her eyes.

Luke let out a curse as he took a step forward, ready to beat that man’s face to dust. But he stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Wait!” Danielle said, eyes locked on the scene played in front of them.

Luke stared ahead and let out a breath of relief when he saw Calum taking Y/N away from the group and towards the bar, seemingly excusing themselves to get a drink. He saw how his friend’s arm rounded around her shoulders, making it impossible for her to look back and for anyone else to notice her face as they walked away with no intentions of coming back.

Luke lost sight of them as he watched them disappear into the party. “Good,” he thought “At least she’ll be safe and away from him” But that thought did not calm the rage he felt towards the creep that dared touch her in front of her friends.

“I’m going to kill him” He hissed, once again trying to step forwards but once again being pushed back by Ashton’s girl.

“The guys got it covered,” She said, her sweet voice laced with a warning as she whispered loud enough for only them to hear “They will handle it and make sure they never work with that man, ever. It’s not the first time this has happened”

“This happened before?!” Luke said, attracting some curious eyes to him. But he couldn’t care less about it at the moment.

The girls looked at each other and then at Luke. How could they explain to the man that this happens more times than Y/N would be able to admit? They knew first hand how the industry was full of creeps and disgusting men, having dealt with them in the past as well, but Y/N…

She was the front girl, the main focus of attention. She was beautiful, talented, hot… that’s all they saw, never caring about her caring personality, or how intelligent she was, how she was the driven force of 5SOS. She was more than her looks, she was a girl trying to live her dreams. But men only seem to see one thing.

“I’m going to check on them,” Kat said as she walked towards where Calum disappeared with Y/N. Bethany mentioned going to Michael to try and make them get away from the conversation they were still having with that fucker.

And Luke stood there, not able to do anything “Y/N wouldn’t want you to cause a scene, that’s why the boys never do it anymore. She knows how important image is for all of them and a scandal is the last thing they need right now. Especially if some “random dude” goes and punch one of the biggest names in the industry”

Danielle was right and he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to defend his girl because she didn’t want to be defended. But the fact that she knew how to handle these kinds of things didn’t make it any less wrong or difficult for him to ignore. More so because their relationship was still kept a secret.

Luke couldn’t help but think that maybe if people knew they were together, things like these wouldn’t happen. After all, the only thing men like Anthony respected was the presence of another man.

Ashton and Michael returned after a minute, both of them with their jaws clenched and eyes filled with the same feeling of powerless Luke felt.

“Where is she?” Ashton asked, standing beside Dani and holding her close by the waist, almost as if he were scared something might happen to her.

“Kat went to check on them, they still haven’t returned,” She said, comforting her boyfriend by running her hand up and down his arm.

“This is bullshit” Luke murmured, frustration lacing his voice as he grabbed one drink from one of the waitresses and drowned it in one go without flinching. He turned around and started walking away from the group.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked, half concerned and half furious from him walking away at this moment.

“I need air” He answered as he took another drink and walked through the garden doors. Not even sparing a glance back when Y/N called his name as she watched him go.

Luke spent most of the night going back and forwards between the main hall and the garden. He drank whatever was being offered to him and sat down on a bench as he watched the casual smokers come outside, accompanying him from a distance.

He knew he was being childish. He didn’t understand much about the industry, nor how people that worked in it were. All Luke knew was that Y/N was nothing like them; she was not greedy, nor was she a creep, she wasn’t evil or ill-hearted and she didn’t deserve what happened.

He wanted to be with her, apologize for his shitty behavior, and tell her that he loved her. Because he did. He loved her with all his heart and it hurts him to see her like that. But every time he stepped through those doors back to the main hall - every time more intoxicated than the others - she was nowhere to be found. Or she didn’t want to be found, but that didn’t stop Luke from looking for her.

And every time, wherever he found her, she would have company. Sometimes she would be with the boys and their girlfriends laughing along with some other group of people - usually men - that stood a little too close and personal with her. Other times she would be on her own, talking to some guy or girl he didn’t know, too preoccupied with her conversation to even notice Luke standing at a distance, looking at her with longing eyes as he tried to find the courage to talk to her.

Then, he would go back to the bar, order his drink and go back outside or with the group, tightening the grip on his glass as he watched the girl he loves being swept away in conversations he couldn’t be a part of, after all, he was just one of the composers and her friend. Nothing else.

The guys and their girlfriends tried to cheer him up, including him in conversations and inviting him to dance. They knew how new this was to him, having to remind themselves every once in a while when they caught his sad eyes dancing across the room on the looks of his fleeting love.

“She came looking for you a few minutes ago while you were outside,” Dani told him the third time he came by the group.

“Why didn’t she go out with me?” He asked, eyes on Y/N as she talked to Michael and one of the producers they met in London a few years back.

“She was going to,” Ashton chimed in “She walked over there but I think Niall caught wind of her and they started to catch up”

Luke clenched his jaw at the thought of Y/N with other men. His mind couldn’t help but to go back to all those articles about her exes, her possible new partners, her possible future partners. Cheating scandals, break-up songs, parties where she didn’t leave alone… All the things she refused to acknowledge came to the surface, hitting Luke in the face as he realized that they might not all be lies.

He hated to think about her that way, to think that he didn’t trust her enough or that she didn’t trust him enough or whatever the fuck was wrong with them. But as he saw how Y/N hugged a stranger, all his thoughts went out the window.

“Who is that?” He asked no one in particular.

“Who?” Bethany asked in response, following Luke’s stare towards her friend “Oh, that’s Josh”

“Josh? As in Josh Benthlow? Her ex?”

Beth furrowed her eyebrows as she saw the look of pure rage on the blonde’s eyes “Uh, yeah? But you got something wrong there” She said, “They never dated”

Y/N laughed at something Josh said, pushing him playfully on the shoulder as he kept telling his story. Luke recognized the look in his eyes; it was the same way he used to look at Y/N when they first met: Pure adoration. And, he didn’t know if it was the alcohol in his system that was making him see things that weren’t there, but he could swear he saw Y/N flirt back at him.

“Friends don’t act like that” He spat, taking another sip from his drink, already losing count of how many he had that night.

“Hey!” Beth called his attention, taking the drink from him “That’s enough now. Alcohol is making you act like a complete asshole”

“I-”

“I don’t care.” She said, interrupting whatever he had to say before he even said it “Look, I get that you’re getting used to all of this. But you need to stop with the jealous act right this instant. She’s famous, yes, they all are and that means that you will have to share her with the world whether you like it or not. It’s her dream after all, and besides Y/N would never do something like that to hurt you and you know it”

Did he?

Not long after the group decided to go back to the hotel, having already stayed at that party longer than necessary given that they have a show the next day. The ride back was quiet, everyone either being too tired to even speak or too smart to try and cut the tension that was being created by the new couple’s behavior. Even when Y/N sat next to Luke he didn’t acknowledge her, keeping his eyes looking outside the window the whole car ride.

Y/N was one of the first ones to get out of the car, walking up to the elevators and not waiting for anyone as the doors closed.

Luke clenched his jaw as he contemplated not going to their room tonight, fighting with the feeling of not wanting to see her and the feeling of never wanting to let her go.

“You need to go there right now,” Calum said, taking a step next to Luke but not looking in his eyes “Having been her friend for so long I can see that she’s upset… Nah, fuck that. Even idiots can see that she’s upset”

Luke scoffed “She’s the one that’s upset?” Voice laced with sarcasm.

Calum hummed “Guess not every idiot can see that” He pressed the button of the elevator and hoped in with Kat, not waiting for Luke as the door closed in his face, but not before saying “You’re not the only one hurting, you know?”

It took another 20 minutes for Luke to open the door of their room. Again, Y/N was nowhere to be seen, but the light coming from under the closed bathroom door let him know that she was there.

He sat at the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he now wished he hadn't drunk as much as he did. His head was spinning, he couldn’t decipher if it were because of the alcohol or because of his intrusive thoughts that wouldn’t leave his head.

Y/N got out of the bathroom for what it felt like an eternity later. She was wearing her Spongebob pajama and her hair was tied in a messy bun. Her makeup-less face looked tired as she didn’t glance at Luke before sitting by her side of the bed.

They stayed in silence for another five minutes before she decided to speak.

“Are we going to talk about tonight?” She said, voice neutral of any emotion.

Luke scoffed “Now you want to talk?”

She ignored him “I didn’t see you all night, Luke. I was worried”

“Oh, you were?” He mocked with cruel sarcasm as he got up from the bed and started pacing around the room “Funny way to show it you weren’t around!”

“I wasn’t around?! Luke, you spent half the night outside! Every time I came over you were nowhere to be found!”

“And every time I was there you were too busy talking to other people”

“I was working, Luke!” She said with a groan, massaging her temple as she turned to look at him “It’s part of my job to make connections at these kinds of events. And if you didn’t notice, Calum, Ashton, and Michael did the same”

“Well, you must be pretty damn good at your job then!”

Y/N looked at him, shocked by the way he was speaking to her “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luke was angry at her question. How could she not know? “Why don’t you ask Josh what I mean?”

“Oh my fucking GOD,” She said with the loudest tone he’s ever heard her talk “That’s what this is all about?! He’s a friend!”

“I was a friend, too and we still fucked!” Luke matched her tone of voice, probably waking the people in the room next to theirs.

Y/N laughed humorlessly “You have no right to-”

“And whose fault is that? Huh? Whose fault is that I cannot call you my girlfriend in front of other people? Whose fault is that I have to stand to the side and watch you flirt with every guy on earth just because “it’s your job”?” He asked “Y/N, I’m trying so hard for you to let me in and the only thing you do is push me away! Are you embarrassed by me in any way?”

“No,” She said, finally meeting his eyes and seeing no more anger in them, just an incredible sadness for both of them “No, of course not”

“Then why?” Luke asked, taking a step towards her and cupping her cheek with one hand “Why can’t you let me protect you? Why can’t I be with you freely? I know some things are hard for you to talk about, love. I get that. But I’m drowning here, not knowing what to think or what to say to make you trust me”

Y/N stayed quiet as she looked into his eyes before looking away. Luke sighed.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now. But we’ll have to do it eventually”

“I know,” She said with a string of voice.

“Sorry for the things I said”

“I’m sorry, too”

Luke wanted to kiss her, to comfort her. Even though he is still mad at her, he still has this need to protect her from the wrongs of the world. But she’s got to let him in first.

Instead, Luke placed a kiss on her head and walked towards the bathroom to get changed for the night. When he came back Y/N was already asleep on her side of the bed, her back turned to Luke’s side.

He let out a sigh as he turned off the lights, laying down facing the other side as he murmured a “Good night” Barely missing the soft sniff she gave in response.

The next morning Luke woke up without her by his side. He felt a tug in his heart as he remembered all the things he said to her, the cruel way in which he implied that it was all her fault when both of them had a bit of blame to put in their names. He wouldn’t be surprised if in the middle of the night she decided to leave and sleep somewhere else.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand, ready to give her a call and apologize properly, hoping she’d pick up. But just as he was about to press the call button, the door opened.

Y/N walked in, sandwich and orange juice in hand. A small smile came to her lips when she saw him already awake.

“Hey,” She said softly, almost like if there were someone else in the room that was sleeping “You missed breakfast, so I bought you this. It’s now much but-“

“Thank you,” Luke said with complete honesty.

Y/N nodded, walking up to his nightstand to place the drink and the sandwich. But before she could walk away again, Luke grabbed her softly by the arm.

“Luke-“

“I’m sorry,” He said, his baby blue eyes looking into hers. He was sad to see no emotion in them compared with how shiny they were yesterday before the fight “I didn’t mean it”

Y/N let out a sigh as she sat on the bed next to him “No, you’re not” She said almost resignedly “And yes, you did. And it’s okay, I deserve it”

Luke shook his head, feeling even worse than before “No, Y/N I was out of place and-“

“You were, but that didn’t make your words any less than truthful. I hurt you, Luke. Even without wanting to” She said with a broken voice, but the tears didn’t come “But I want to change that. Tonight, we can talk after the concert. Okay?”

“I don’t want to pressure you” His hand flew to her face, placing a strand of hair behind her back. She smiled softly and kissed the palm of his hand.

“I know, but I want to” Finally, she got up from the bed and started walking into the bathroom, gathering some of her things. “We’ll start early today with some interviews and sound check, and the girls wanted to go shopping so they’ll meet us there. I will send a car for you before the concert and then we’ll talk. Alright?”

She grabbed her back and headed towards the door, giving Luke one last look and a soft smile before she left.

Luke didn't forget how she didn’t kiss him before she closed the door.

*

The day passed by and Luke was still in their room. He sat in front of the table with his notebook and pen, writing up words that, at that moment, reminded him of her.

He didn’t like how they were acting with each other. How quick everything went to shit after last night’s mistakes when words were louder than actions until those words became apologies.

Y/N said he didn’t mean his apology, and deep down he knew it to be true. He regrets the way he told her, admiring that he would have handled things a little better than he did. But he meant what he said about her pushing him away by not communicating. They were both trying but apparently, they sucked at it.

Truth was, there was no one to blame. Truth was, they were both at fault. And, truth was that he would still fall to his knees for her the moment she asked. Because he had never loved someone as much as he loved her.

When the time of the concert was almost upon him, he quickly jumped into the shower, ignoring all the beeps and rings of his phone as his thoughts and hopes filled his mind. He thought about what he was going to say to her, and he hoped that they could finally get past this and leave this whole situation behind; to start over and just be free.

He was putting on his shirt when his phone started beeping again, finally checking it to see what the fuss was all about.

Thousands upon thousands of notification flooded his screen, and they all said the same thing:

“Y/N AND MADDEN BACK TOGETHER?!”

“THE ENCOUNTER OF THE YEAR! MADDEN BANKS AND Y/N L/N SEEN TOGETHER AGAIN TALKING ON THE OUTSIDES OF THE VENUE”

“OMG Y/N X MADDEN SHIPPER REJOICE AS THE COUPLE SEEMS TO HAVE REKINDLED THEIR RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING SCANDAL”

Luke felt as if an elephant was standing on top of his chest, losing his balance and falling to the bed with his phone in hand, unable to look away from his screen. 

His breathing became elaborated as his eyes filled with tears as he read the tweets and article titles. He knew he shouldn’t click on them. He knew. And yet…

“Lead singer of the band 5 Seconds of Summer, Y/N L/N was last seen talking to her ex-boyfriend, Madden Banks, in a secluded alley outside the venue where the band is going to perform their concert tonight. 

We last saw the couple last year around August when Madden announced their breakup after cheating scandals came out to the surface. None of the parties made any comments about it, but it was set to believe that Y/N was the one who committed the mistakes after a set of tweets on Bank’s personal account where it said that he was feeling “broken-hearted” by the situation and he hoped no one had to get through that ever again. 

Now it seems that the past is the past! As Y/N and Madden were caught by paparazzi talking again, and by the looks on both their faces it seemed like their relationship was not over after all! 

We are still waiting for confirmations from either of them but congratulations to the couple ❤️”

A set of pictures were attached to the article. All of them of bad quality and from questionable sources. 

On the first one, you could see Madden smiling with Y/N’s back facing the camera. On the second one, Madden was closer to her, almost cradling her face as if to kiss her. The third picture had Madden pointing out the paparazzi, a surprised expression plastered on his face as Y/N appeared out of focus. The last picture had Y/N walking away with Madden following behind, both of them with angry faces seemingly for being interrupted. 

Luke was gripping on his phone tightly, a sense of rage coming over him as he wiped his tears furiously and walked up the door. Turning off his phone before he could read Y/N’s message:

Y/N: it’s not true! Let me explain…

*

He did not go to the concert that night, nor did he stay in their bedroom, opting for sleeping in the room that was originally assigned to him. 

His emotions walked him into a bar last night, letting him drown his sorrows in alcohol as he slowly drifted away from his senses. He doesn’t remember getting to the hotel, but he does remember not wanting to be with her that night. Feeling betrayed and used, what was the point? 

It was pretty late when he woke up the next morning, too late for Y/N to even be in the hotel knowing that they still needed to do a lot of press before traveling to their next destination. It was sufficient to say that he was not going to go with them. 

He was about to book a flight when he noticed his phone died while being turned off last night. He was in such a rush that he forgot to bring his charger with him, but he felt confident that it was safe for him to go back to her room now that she was gone. He would pack all his things and leave, he was not about to endure any of this shit anymore, no matter how much it hurts him. 

When he opened the door to her room, however, Luke noticed that he was not alone. 

“You didn’t come last night” 

Y/N was standing by the window, looking at the street through the thin curtain, hoping she might catch a glimpse of Luke walking back to her. She was wearing the hotel’s robe and had her hair tied in a ponytail. Her voice was fragile, tired, and broken as if she spent all night crying. 

“Good,” thought Luke “at least we’ll both be miserable” 

Luke didn’t answer that, instead, he just asked “I thought you’d be doing the press tour” 

She shook her head, her back still facing him as she sniffed “I couldn’t go. I didn’t know where you were” 

He would’ve thought it was touching and he might’ve felt bad for her if she hadn’t shattered his heart the night before. So he said nothing. 

“I needed you last night, Luke,” She said, voice a little firmer as she finally turned around. Luke’s heart ached when he saw her delicate figure, she looked sick, pale, and tired. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red from all the crying. Part of him wanted to go to her and hold her, but her betrayal was still too fresh on his skin.

Luke scoffed “Sure you did” He didn’t intend for his voice to sound with such malice, but it was almost as if his tongue had a brain on itself “Was Madden not enough?” 

“Stop,” 

“Is he here?” He asked, voice mocking interest as he walked around the room “C’mon Asshole!” He called, opening the closet doors and walking into the bathroom “You won, motherfucker, you can have her! It’s not like it’s hard anyway” 

Her eyes widened at his words, cheeks turning pink at the realization of the insult “Luke!”

“Was this part of your plan?” He asked, turning towards her with nothing but the rage inside his eyes “To bring me here to make him jealous? To make me fall for you so easily? Is that why we never went public? Ha! Should’ve known you just wanted a free pass to whore around while still making sure you have a secure fuck waiting back at the hotel” 

Y/N froze. Not even Luke could believe the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he was too far gone in his own anger to process them or to take them back. 

“This is the part where you apologize,” She said, eyes filling with tears she refused to spill. 

“No, this is the part where I tell you to fuck off” Luke spat, taking a step towards her, not realizing how she flinched as she took a step back “You know, I tried so fucking hard for months to make you happy. And every day I read those fucking articles that were talking shit about you and every fucking day I told myself that those weren’t real. That you weren’t like that… surprise, surprise! Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Makes sense! That’s why you never wanted to talk, you never wanted to admit to what you did because you never take any fucking responsibilities for the damages you cause! I thought I knew you, at least some parts of you. Turns out everyone is right about you. Every fucking word of it” 

He turned around, ready to grab his things and go, but the adrenaline was kicking in and he just couldn’t stop.

“Tell Madden that he’s an idiot for taking you back,” He said with his back turned to her “That he should’ve left your cheating ass alone. Let you get what you deserve”

“I never cheated” She mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. 

He scoffed “Yeah, right” 

“I never fucking cheated!” Y/N raised his voice, making Luke turn around to face her. Her face was red with tears and she had her fist clenched to her sides, knuckles white from all the pressure she was putting in.

“I never cheated on Madden! I never fucking cheated on you! On anyone! He cheated on me, repeatedly and with several people for all the course of our relationship! I never touched a person outside ANY of my relationships. I have been nothing but faithful to you and now you’re throwing that shit at me without knowing an ounce of my side of the story?! 

You want to know, Luke, why I never tell the story as it was? Why it’s so fucking hard for me to tell the story even to the people I love?” 

It was a challenge, he knew from the look in her eyes that she was not going to stay quiet any longer. She didn’t even wait for his answer. 

“I was fucking abused, Luke! Physically, mentally, sexually… you fucking name it! During that whole relationship. Want me to tell you the details or you could figure it out yourself?! I was getting beaten almost daily! I had to hide the bruises and cuts in front of the guys as they slowly watched me fall apart. I had to lie to them for YEARS because I genuinely thought he loved me. He said he did so I believed him. It wasn’t until one night where he got too far that I had to tell myself that it was enough. But what could I say? I was so fucking embarrassed I couldn’t go to the media that calls me a liar every chance they have! I couldn’t go to the police because he has money and could easily get away with it! I was so fucking alone until I met you and… You took his side” 

Luke felt like his heart was taking a punch with every word that she said. Every tear that fell off her eyes was like a knife in the back. The guilt was eating him inside out, crashing into him like a tsunami. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, he shouldn’t have let his emotions take the reins, he should’ve... He felt all of his emotions turn to mush, all but shame as he stared into her eyes knowing he was the one who fucked up. 

“Y/N-“

“I needed you last night when he cornered me. I needed you by my side as I broke down backstage because you weren’t answering your phone. How do you think I felt when I came into our room and found it empty? I was ready to tell you everything and then you just decided that wasn’t worth it anymore. That I wasn’t worthy anymore. All without giving me a chance” She cried, shattering sobs running through her body as she remembered the feeling of hopelessness she had “Not only that, but I come to find this on your side of the bed”

She threw his notebook at him, he didn’t need to open it to know what she read. Already regretting leaving it there. 

“Sometimes, you're a stranger in my bed

Don't know if you love me or you want me dead.

Some days, you're the best thing in my life

Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife

Then you turn into somebody I don't know

And you push me away

Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet

Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth

Late-night devil, put your hands on me

And never let go” 

She recited the words by memory, having read them over and over again as she waited for him to come back.

“Is that really how you see me, Luke?” She asked, voice broken as she looked into his eyes. 

Luke felt his body tremble with shame as he looked at her. He has never seen her look so sad and fragile before, the smile he loved so much was gone and he knew he might never see it again. He wanted to scream that that’s now how he saw her at all. Those words were written out of frustration, out of anger. He wanted to tell her that she’s the most amazing, loving, strong, intelligent person he know but... how could he even look her in the eyes?

He knew that he went too far. That he should’ve given her a chance to explain what happened instead of just letting the media fill his brain with lies; lies he believed without question because of his insecurities. He broke the strongest girl he’s ever known, but she was still standing. 

Despite the hurt, he caused her, she was still standing in front of him. Demanding answers he doesn’t know how to give. Still being so much braver than him.

“Y/N, I-“ He began, voice breaking as he was left speechless. How could he ask for her forgiveness now that he broke every ounce of trust she held for him? 

“Luke, I think you should leave,” She said, rounding her arms around her torso as she looked back at the window. Unable to hold her gaze to him any longer. 

“No,” Luke begged of her. Pleaded, even “Y/N, baby don’t-“ 

“Leave” She repeated more firmly “If I’m such a monster, the best thing we can do is for you to go home” 

She turned her back to him once again, and he knew that he had just lost the battle he was too scared to even fight.

Y/N cried silent tears as she heard him gather his belongings and pack his bags, feeling as if she might collapse into the floor if she weren’t holding herself too tightly. If she concentrated, she could hear him cry, too, until he closed the last of his bags and walked through the door.

Because, after all, he would still go to the ends of the world if she asked.

.

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash​ @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @girl-toxxic

[tamagochiie]

Hi!! Could I request a hc for my man Levi Ackerman where he has been crushing on the reader for a while now but thinks he doesn’t really have a chance because she’s just so beautiful, kind and a little on the younger side. And he doesn’t really think that someone like her could ever be interested in someone like him. Then those toughts only get bigger as he sees how much time she spends with Jean or Eren or someone. And then some sort of drama is happening which eventually leads to this dramatic confession from both Levi and the reader. Hope that’s not too long? Have a great day!

First of all, I am SO sorry this request took so long to reply to. I was in a really bad headspace when I first got this, and I couldn’t write it properly at the time. But here I am now! Also, I got waaaay too into this, so I apologize that it’s a little long... 

Move My Mountain ; Levi Ackerman 

Levi Ackerman is nothing short of confidence and pride; insecurity scurries back into the shadows at the sight of him.

But you are sunshine and hope—all the good things in life wrapped in a lilting laugh, tucked in the corners of your lips when you smile, and the twinkling in your eyes;

Just the sight of you makes his title as “Humanity’s Strongest” fray at the edges and wither away, and it irritates him to no end. 

Of all the ugly his eyes have seen and horror his ears have heard, its you that has him weak in the knees, you are a sharp contrast to the stoic man.

You’re young, youthful, and promising—all the things Levi is not. 

Levi is many things, but worthy to feel the warmth you radiate as you walk into any room, a room that he might find himself lingering around in, is not one of them. 

Levi may be sharp, attentive, and quick on his feet (quite literally). But it takes him an embarrassingly substantial amount of time to realize his feelings for you—that no, he does not hate you, but rather he finds himself completely smitten over you.

He realizes he always has been since the first time he saw you as a cadet. You weren’t entirely talented, and your skills were questionably underdeveloped, but you had heart and you were just as determined and fiery as your counterparts. 

Levi looks forward to seeing you persevere during trainings; but he likes it better whenever you waltz into his office and assist him in paperwork he can clearly take care of on his own. 

And you find yourself feeling comfortable around the Captain, entertaining him through small talk or sharing a few fun facts with him that always leave him dumbfounded. 

Not that he’ll show it. 

He’s quite kind to you, and though you found it off-putting at first, you had eventually grown comfortable to it. You even found yourself growing selfish, wanting more and more after each visit. 

However, unbeknownst to everyone save for Erwin and Hange, Levi Ackerman is petty as he is incredibly violent. 

There’s a twinge of jealousy in his chest and a twitch in his eye whenever he sees Jean joined to you by the hip. He’s aware of the history you two share, being childhood friends and choosing to join the Survey Corp together after the attack on Wall Rose. 

But it doesn’t stop jealous seeping out of Levi like a waterfall. 

He hates it when he catches Jean ghosting around you, dipping down to you a little too close for comfort whenever he talks to you, so Levi’s patience snaps like a twig and he crinkles his nose in disgust, steam rising from him when he watches Jean throwing his arm over your shoulders, pulling you close to his chest while you laugh at his jokes. 

A line has been crossed. 

Unfortunately for Jean, though his actions meant no harm, he’s drowned in piles and piles of work within the following week. Levi has him carrying extra weight, makes him run more laps to his knees shake, and riddles him with questionable work from dusk til dawn. 

And just when things die down and the tide of Levi’s jealousy pulls back, it’ll come rushing back in when he catches Jean do another thing like leaning his head on your shoulder after a day’s worth of training. And it begins to bother you, picking at your skin until you can longer keep quiet and watch your friends suffer. 

You’re in the middle of handing Jean your bottle of water (because Sasha chugged all of his in one breath) when Levi cuts in. Maybe it’s the heat of the sun that casts over the training ground, or maybe its the fact that once again, Levi’s jealous has once again gotten the best of him and he’s playing it off as frustration for the whole squad. 

Whatever it is, there’s steam rising off as he glares at you and Jean. 

Levi clears his throat, arms folded across his chest as he taps his foot, “If you have time to drinking other people’s water, Kristien,” Jean chokes on his water when he realizes Levi’s presence, quickly saluting him, “then you’ve got time to do laundry.” 

Jean’s eyes widen, jaw slacking. “B-But I already did that yesterday, S-Sir.” You watch as Levi pulls his brows down, narrowing his gaze intensely as he strides up to Jean. He shifts uncomfortable under Levi’s inspecting eyes and clears his throat to try and gain some composure. 

“That’s the great thing about laundry,” Levi grits, “it always piles up, so why don’t you hurry the fuck up and fuck off.”

However, Levi’s plan to wedge you to apart because you offer yourself to help. 

You may be bubbly and full of life, and some may mistake your soft nature as someone naive and gullible, but you read the room easier than anyone. For the first time, Levi finds himself silenced; throat dried as if sawdust had been shoved into his throat, and he watches you saluting to him before excusing yourself along with Jean. 

Unluckily for you, you become the target of his boiling rage. He’s ticking like a clock, the countdown to another outburst lingering in the air. It’s your turn to be buried in the extra weight of chores and responsibilities, doing more laps and push ups than you can manage. But you never complain, not even once.

Not until Levi strips you and Jean from the opportunity to go out on an expedition and traded off for laundry. 

“I’ve had it!” You boom as you uncharacteristically lose composure, shoving the basket of dirty laundry to the side and causing Jean and Armin to flinch. “I’m gonna do laundry—laundry instead of joining the expedition? You’re kidding!” 

Levi had overworked you painfully til your knees shook and your head felt dizzy, and at some point you wondered if was still training you or if it had any ulterior motive.

“I’m only the barer of the news!” Armin defends, visibly shrinking as you slowly grow unhinged. 

“Then I’ll talk to him!” Jean steps in front of you, looking at you warningly as his chest heaves. “Jean, go away.” 

“No,” He’s firm, headset in stopping you. “Make no mistake, the man is short, but he’s scary as hell. You saw him when he beat the shit outta Eren.”

“I can take a punch,” You state dryly, “now move.” 

You place your arm on Jean’s shoulder, gripping it tightly before swiftly shoving him to the side, causing him to skid on the floor.

Determination drips from every step you take out the room and down the corridor. Your eyes directed towards one door and one door only. You wind past other captains and cadets, not bothering to even take a glance at them as you finally close in on Levi’s office. 

You storm in, not even thinking to knock. You’re met with wide eyes and looks of disbelief from Erwin, Hange, and Levi; they were in the middle of a meeting when you barged in. Erwin’s jaw slacks, his brows pull down as he looks at you quizzically, “Cadet—What are you—”

“You.” You seethes, breathing heavily as you glare at Levi. “Why am I assigned to do laundry instead of joining the expedition?” 

Hange and Erwin turn back to Levi with an alarmed expression painted on their face, as if they were only hearing this for the first time. “Surely, that’s not true,” Erwin chuckles lightly as he grips his hands on the armrest of the chair, shifting uncomfortably underneath the thick tension between you and Levi, “Levi, is this true?” 

“It might be.” He answers dryly, a bored expression in his dark eyes as he glares back at you, “But I’m sorry, am I supposed to be answering to you? Who the fuck do you think you are interrupting a meeting?” 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Your new found confidence not only shocks them, but most importantly you. 

You always kept yourself in your place, never needing to be reminded who you are and what you’re meant to do, always biting your tongue and cheek when you’re angry. You never caused any trouble, but always slyly getting your friends out of it. 

That is, until now. 

“Excuse me?” Levi looks at you in bewilderment. 

“What the fuck does doing laundry have anything to do with saving humanity?” You repeated, balling your fists till your knuckles color white. “I’m one of the best and you know it, yet I’m wasting my time cleaning Reiner’s DIRTY UNDERWEAR EVERY DAY.”

“Bold of you to assume you’re one of the best.” Levi is cold as the first winter of the year, looking completely unfazed by flow of your emotions. But you are, indeed, one of the best, nearly surpassing Mikasa. 

Not that he’d ever admit to it.

“Why am I staying behind?” You press, raising your voice as you take a few steps closer to the desk. 

Unfortunately, Hange and Erwin stay in the crossfire of your argument. They’re unsure when to take the beat to get up and leave.

They worry they missed that opportunity a while ago. 

“It’s dangerous and you’re not ready,” Levi clips. 

“I’m ready and you’re just taking your anger out on me!” You counter, “You don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been taking your anger out on Jean and now on me?” 

“You made us work to the bone, but we persevered. We pulled through. So, if I can handle Reiner’s sweaty laundry, then I can handle saving humanity. Grow a pair and let me back in on the expedition.” 

“No.” Levi is stern, the grip in his pen is tight and his knees locked in as his ability to stabilize his emotions withers. 

“Why not?” You groan, throwing your head back. “Because it’s dangerous.” He states matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“WHY DO YOU CARE IF ITS SO DANGEROUS?” You’re yelling, breaths labored and chest constricting as your frustration grows. You’re completely unhinged and with little to no care in the world how you look like to everyone in the room. Levi bangs his fists against the surface of his desk, swiftly standing from his chair. Erwin and Hange flinch at his sudden aggression, exchanging looks of surprise. 

“BECAUSE IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU, I WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT I WOUDL DO.” 

Silence falls on the room and after a moment, everyone stands on their toes as they reflect the confession that slips Levi’s lips just moments ago. 

You, Hange, and Erwin look at Levi wish a slack jaw and a puzzled expression. 

“I don’t—“ You swallow thickly and take a deep breath, “I don’t understand what you mean… Why would you—”

“Hange,” Erwin calls out to his friend softly as he clasps his hands together, “I think this is the part where we leave.” 

Hange pouts her lip begrudgingly, “But—“ 

“Now.” Against her will and her wishes for juicy gossip, Hange mirrors Erwin’s actions as he rises from the chair and a hunched position and swiftly scurries out the room. 

You and Levi stand in a thick blanket of silence. Levi is a man of many words, though most are painted in aggressive and backs up his violent tendencies, so he admits his worries about someone and that someone being you, it means everything. 

It comes as a shock—a shock that feels electric and runs down your spine, you feel like you’ll lose your breath. “Why…why would you care?” You come down from your anger and the thumping of your heart calms down. “I don’t—I really don’t understand….” 

Levi licks his lips as he loosens his grip; for the first time you can see him clearly without having to second guess it. He shudders a breath as takes a step back from his desk, the chair scrapping against the floor as he abandons the paperwork and slowly yet surely walks to you. 

You grow tense and the budding anticipation in your stomach spreads through your body and up your throat. It’s only until Levi is a few steps away that you finally tear your eyes from him, dancing around the room desperately looking anywhere but him.

Levi halts his movement, only within an arm’s reach away from you. “I’m not good with words,” He admits in a mutter, more to himself than to you, “but I—I would like to be honest because you make me want to be honest.” 

Levi’s gaze wavers along with the rest of him; his arms fall limp , his hands clammy as he twiddles his fingers to ease the fear hammering in his chest. “I have…” Levi speaks softly, a sharp contrast to how he usually his. His voice comes out dry and gravelly as if he had just woken up. 

“I can easily read others as if I was looking at the back of my hand, and I know  when people feel things…But it took me forever to understand what I felt for you and when I finally caught up with it, I didn’t—I don’t know.” 

Hesitantly, as if you were scared to see something contradicting his words, you meet his eyes and you gasp. He’s looking right at you, eyes full of certainty yet wavering in his doubt that he’ll ever get a chance with you.

“What do you mean?” Your words come out so quiet, Levi almost misses it. “What don’t you understand?” 

“Out of all the things I’ve seen and heard, and all the blood my hands have been stained in, you move me.” 

He steps a little closer and you find yourself holding your breath, “You move me.”  

You don’t know what to say. You scan through your memories, all the ones that you had with him and try to remember what you felt. And maybe you did feel something for him, something more than just cadet and captain, but you never let yourself think too far from it. 

You were scared to let yourself fall, but for some odd reason, Humanity’s Strongest was letting him fall on his knees for you.  

You can’t help but smile and your eyes glistening as you take the final step to close the proximity between the two of you. “

If you’re saying what I think you’re saying then,” You sigh as you close your eyes, your breath fanning against Levi’s cheeks, “don’t be shy to move a little more and show me what you mean.”

 Levi’s takes a moment, studying the look in your eyes as he calculates his movements. He feels excited, but fear pulls the rug beneath his feet and all of a sudden he finds himself more scared of you than any mission he’s even been in. 

You hold his face in your hands, smiling at him. “Don’t tell me you’re shy now.” 

And just like that, your words egg him on and have him pushing all his doubt behind him.

 Levi’s lips are soft against yours, the kiss is gentle yet eager to go deeper. He’s reluctant to cage you in his arms, but when he feels you smile against his lips and how your arms wind around his neck, he realizes he’s eases in. 

Levi Ackerman has seen all the uglies in the word, and had his heartbroken one too many times to count, but you are the only one that moves him. 

[nastybuckybarnes]

Monsters  -  Ten

Pairing: Dark!Bucky X Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a man who just wants to do better. But he can’t stop the monster from coming out every now and then. As a last and hopeless attempt at calming The Winter Soldier, SHIELD finds him something they figured would help. An innocent young woman with not a lot going for her. Or, The Winter Soldiers newest victim.

Warnings: Language, Violence, Injuries, Murder

Word Count: 2.8K

A/n: Here we go. The last part! Enjoy this. What a fucking ride. I will 100% answer any questions and write little blurbs if you guys want!!

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!

SORRY IF SOME TAGS ARE FORGOTTEN!!!!

Series Masterlist

~*~

“(Y/n)? Honey? You in here?” Bucky hesitantly pushes open the front door, senses on high alert in case you make a hostile move.

“James?”

He walks slowly into the living room, smiling softly when he sees you.

“Hey,” he whispers. You eye him warily and he sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he begins gently, sitting down next to you, “I know what I did was wrong, and I know it looks like I chose her over you, but I’m here for you now. And I’m gonna be here for you as long as you’ll have me.”

You stare at him for a moment longer before grinning.

“You need me,” you state. He looks at you, waiting for you to continue. “That’s why you came back,” you elaborate, “because you need me. Because you know that Natasha won’t be able to handle you the way I can.”

He swallows hard, thinking back to the way Nat was appalled by the video.

“You’re right.”

You giggle, shaking your head at him. “I know. I know I’m right. I’m the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to you! You’d be lost without me and you’re now realizing it, aren’t you?” His guard is up in an instant, your outburst making him uneasy.

You get up off the couch to stand in front of him, hands on your hips.

“You hurt my feelings, James.” He nods, reaching for your hands slowly. You allow him to take them and watch as he presses gentle kisses to your knuckles.

“I know. And I’m sorry. And you’re right again. I do need you. More than I’ve ever needed anybody and that scares me.” You ponder this for a moment, thinking about all the pictures he received.

“How long were you with her?” He sighs heavily and closes his eyes tightly.

“A month. Maybe longer. At first, she was just something for the soldier when you weren’t there but... I’m not sure why I kept going back. I care about you, I really do.” You hum, pushing his hands away and straddling his waist.

You lean down, lips brushing over his just gently before you smile again.

“I fucked Steve last night. Several times.” A growl rumbles deep in his chest and you pull away for a moment, grinning wickedly as you see his eyes glaze over slightly. His hands grip your hips tightly and he takes a deep breath.

“Your best friend fucked me. For hours. Because you were too busy picking that stupid fucking bitch over me. That’s a lesson for you. I can get whoever I want, whenever I want. You need me, not the other way around. Remember that.” You push yourself off of his lap and walk to the staircase.

“In time you can have me again. But not now. If the soldier needs me, he can have me, but not you, James. Not yet.” He sits panting on the couch, eyes trained on your backside as you leave him confused and aroused.

You close the door to your bedroom and plop yourself down on your bed, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of your mind, the one that’s begging you to leave him. He hurt you, but he’s back. He must care about you or else he wouldn’t have come back, right?

As you’re pondering this, the window slides open with a soft thud. You turn to the sound, anger coursing through your veins as you see the redhead climbing into your room.

“What are you doing here?” You demand, uncurling your legs and climbing off the bed. She closes the window silently and holds her hands up in surrender.

“I just want to talk. Please.” You eye her warily but stay seated at the edge of the bed.

“He came home to me. He chose me. So if you’re gonna try and convince me that he wants you, think again,” you snark, hoping to hurt her feelings before physically hurting her again.

She shakes her head, sitting down slowly on the floor a few feet in front of you, giving you the upper hand if you wanted to get physical.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” You furrow your brows in absolute confusion at her statement. You were expecting a lot of things; yelling, screaming, insults, violence. But this is the absolute opposite of what you had prepared yourself for.

“You don’t even know me,” you scoff, shaking your head at her.

She raises her eyebrows at that. “I know about your parents. Your dad, the paranoid schizophrenic who abused you because he thought he was doing what God wanted. And your mom, the Narcissist who neglected you.”

Your hands start trembling as she brings up people who you’ve fought to forget. The people who made you the way you are.

“You don’t know anything about them. Or me. You’re just-” “Just what? Telling you the truth? Reminding you of the fact that you were raised by them, yet you turned out to be a beautiful, smart, independent young woman?” You look at her, uncertain of where she’s going with this but still angry at the fact that she knows about your past.

“You may have been raised by them, you may have had a difficult childhood, and you may be dealing with something that very few other people can understand, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re not a bad person. You’re hurting, and you’re scared, and I know deep down that you know this isn’t a healthy relationship. But it can stop. We can stop this.”

You look down at your hands, her words bouncing around in your brain. The rational part of you, the part that you spent years trying to bring to the surface, tells you to hear her out, to listen to what she has to say. The other part, the part that has been clawing at its cage for years, tells you to punch her in the throat for even speaking to you.

“I love him,” you say. The words sound forced, even to you. She shakes her head and crawls forward, taking your hands in hers and looking up at you with honest eyes.

“You’re lonely, and he fills that void.” You shake your head, sniffling then glaring at her and wrenching your hands out of her grasp.

“You’re just trying to get me to leave him so that you can have him all to yourself!” Natasha falls back a bit, shaking her head at you and trying to get you to understand.

“No, (Y/n). After what you showed me... I know I’m not strong enough to handle him... I could never endure what you have.” You glare at her, calming down slightly at her admission and at the fact that she realizes that you’re stronger than she is. Mentally, at least.

“So what do you want, then?” You ask.

“I want you to leave him. I want you to pack your things and leave. You deserve so much better than him. I’ll help you go off the grid, start a new life. You’ve done it once, you can do it again.”

You shake your head at her, taking a deep breath. “I can’t. It’s too hard. I don’t want to try anymore. At least now I don’t have to hide anything. I can just... exist.” She crawls forward and rests a hand on your knee.

“You deserve to do more than just exist. You deserve to live, to have a life. And not be afraid of the people around you.” You let out a shuddering breath and nod.

“Fine. What is it exactly that you’re offering? You say you want to help me. Why? Why do you want to help me so badly? And how do I know you’re not just doing this so you can have him?”

She scoffs, the very idea of having him making her feel uneasy. “After seeing the way he treated you, I don’t want him.”

“How do I know you’re not lying.”

“You don’t. But I wouldn’t be here, begging you to leave him and offering to help you escape if I was lying.” She takes your silence as an acceptance of her words and nods.

“I’ve got a safe house set up. No one knows about it. I can take you there tomorrow morning and-” She stops speaking abruptly, rising to her feet and hurrying to the window. She looks outside then curses.

Three black SUVs pull up in front of the house, Fury stepping out of the one in front while two tactile teams get out of the other ones.

“They know I’m here. They must have followed me.”

She turns back to you, her face unreadable.

“We need to leave, now. If they know I’m here then they know I’m talking to you, trying to convince you to leave. I don’t know what Fury has planned but I know it won’t end well for you. Especially not after you stabbing James.”

You rise to your feet quickly, turning to the door as you hear footsteps clomp up the stairs.

“Out the window, c’mon.” You follow her to the window and right as she’s opening it, the bedroom door bursts open.

“Agent Romanoff.” Natasha freezes, turning around and staring at Fury.

“Fury,” she says, voice lacking emotion.

“I think you know what needs to happen here,” he says. Steve and Bucky come up on either side of him, Steve with his arms crossed over his chest and Bucky with a blank look on his face.

“I’m not going to let you get away with this. We’re supposed to be better than HYDRA. Kidnapping an innocent woman and conditioning her to become a fucking sex slave? No! That’s not us!”

“Soldier.” Fury nods to the two of you and Bucky walks over, prying you away from Nat.

“No! Let her go!”

You’re roughly tossed to the ground in the middle of the room and the Soldier grabs Natasha’s flailing figure, stopping her from moving.

“Captain.” Steve grabs you by the arms and hoists you to your feet.

The situation feels like a setup and you glare at the four of them.

“This is your fault!” You snarl, glaring at Natasha. She shakes her head desperately.

“No, (Y/n)! I didn’t know they’d come, I swear!” You shake your head.

“You’re weak people. You’re weak fucking people! You act like you’re all high and mighty but you’re fucking cowards who can’t deal with the problems you’ve created!”

“Oh, we can deal with them. You’re a prime example of that.” You stop squirming to stare at him, eyes widening as he pulls a gun from his pocket.

“You’re a fucking coward! You’re a pathetic excuse of a man and you’re going to rot in hell for everything you’ve done! For the lives you’ve taken! You’re going to die a slow and painful death and you’ll suffer!”

You stomp on the captain’s foot and he jolts back a step, allowing you to slide out of his grasp and onto the floor.

The click of the gun has everyone freezing and you stare up at the man holding the gun to your head.

“Nick, don’t! You’ve got no reason to kill her! Let her go! We can start her up with a new life! A new home. No one will know! Just please, she’s done nothing wrong,” Nat pleads, wriggling in the Soldier’s hold. His eyes are hollow, nothing like the steely grey you’ve come to know.

“She stabbed one of my best men and kidnapped my best woman. Why shouldn’t I?”

Your heart pounds against your ribs, each beat shaking your skull. Your fingertips tremble and your palms are clammy as you stare at the one eye of the man who means to kill you.

“Because then we’re the monsters she thinks we are. She’s scared. She’s terrified of us. But we can show her we aren’t the bad guys. Please.”

Your chest heaves and you can feel tears prickling your eyes but you don’t let them fall. If this is your last moment, you won’t let it be one of weakness.

“We have a chance to prove that we’re the good guys. Don’t pass it up,” Natasha whispers.

Fury eyes you for a moment longer, then glances over to the redhead.

She’s pleading with her eyes. He doesn’t look away from her as he addresses you.

“Miss (Y/l/n), we thank you for all you’ve done for us and your sacrifice, but the position is being terminated. We are no longer in need of your services.”

Nat’s opening her mouth to protest but a gunshot rings out loud and clear, silencing her before she could say a word.

Your body collapses on the carpet, red spilling from the hole in your head.

Natasha’s scream of anguish makes Steve visibly flinch, and the fight returns to her body.

“You fucking monster!” She shrieks, tears blurring her vision as she struggles to escape the hold of the monster holding her.

“All of you! You’re all fucking monsters! She was good! She could’ve restarted her life! You’re all disgusting fucking people! How could you?!”

She sobs loudly, eyes on your lifeless body.

“Agent Romanoff, it seems you’ve lost your edge. I think it’s time we re-teach you some things from your past.”

Fury nods to the doorway and the Soldier carries the fighting redhead out of the bedroom, stepping over your lifeless body as if it means nothing.

Steve clenches his jaw, nodding at Fury despite the little voice in his head telling him ‘this is wrong’. That voice gets silenced quickly when Steve remembers what you did and what your purpose was.

The four people leave the house, the Soldier shoving Nat into the backseat of an SUV while Fury gets into the passenger’s seat, a little red book in his lap.

He’ll make this right. So right that no one will remember a thing.

[amazingmaeve]

atelophobia

atelophobia is the fear of imperfection. the fear of never being good enough

request - hello !! i've been wanting to see more sam wilson fics so do you mind if i request a soulmate au one and y/n and sam are frenemies of somesort? 🥺

summary:

y/n and sam haven’t been the best of friends. he always annoyed her and she annoyed him. he hates how snippy she is, she hates how sarcastic he is. however some jokes of his make her crack a rare smile and sometimes he catches that. two people made for each other.

warnings - angst, fluff

word count - 3.2k

a/n - its an au so no endgame/infinity war stuff happened. also no thanos. it’s my first time writing for marvel so go easy on me! also a happy late birthday to sam as well!

marvel masterlist // sam wilson masterlist

“Why did you assign me with Wilson,” Y/N seethed out questioning the man in front of her. Her arms are crossed on her chest with anger burning in her eyes.

The man before her, Steve Rogers, raises an eyebrow at her sudden outburst. Sure the meeting was already done but he didn’t expect her to be this angry about it. Steve thought that Y/N and Sam were getting along better now and this could help them get along even better. But apparently he was wrong.

“I thought you two were okay,” Steve asked, confused in his voice as she rolled her eyes.

She didn’t hate Sam. No one could really hate Sam. But sometimes he got on her nerves and she has a short temper and the conversation usually ends up in an argument with both of them stomping away. Y/N was always serious about the work so no one would get hurt.

So it irked her when Sam would be casually joking while on a rescue mission or a mission in general. While Sam hated how Y/N would never have any fun, yes Sam did take his work very seriously but he wanted to make the time more bearable for everyone.

So when Y/N snaps at him whenever he makes a joke or just laughs in general he gets kinda pissed off about it. She’s just so unbearable sometimes that it increased his anger even more.

For the past few months everything was fine between them. Of course not finding her soulmate was bad. She hated feeling alone while couples scattered across the Avengers tower. Y/N would roll her eyes everytime Wanda asked if she ever wanted a soulmate and she would respond no. She thought that all the time ‘I don’t need anybody’ but deep down she wanted to have someone to love her and to love someone.

At least there were some Avengers who haven’t found the one.

Sam this last month has been growing on Y/N. He’s been more nice and actually funny in her eyes. He would crack jokes at the right time which would make her let a little laugh out much to Sam’s confusion. It was common that Y/N didn’t smile often. But then everything changed.

One mission which was a rescue mission ended up real bad. It was a mission that only her and Sam attended since everyone thought it would be easy. But Y/N turned the corner and had a fist to the face, she attempted to grab the gun she dropped but the guy shot her in her stomach making her lay down on the floor, holding the wound. Blood was seeping out of it fast and she could feel her vision get real blurry.

Y/N thought she would die there on the floor and she was fine with it as long as Sam got the hostages home safe and him safe as well.

But when she felt herself almost get lulled into unconsciousness a figure appeared before her and soon she realized it was Sam. He looked down both halls to make sure no one was coming before kneeling down before her worriedness in his eyes.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Sam reassured, putting pressure on the wound. His words sounded like he was talking far away. Tears quickly blurred her vision as soon she realized he wasn’t going to get the hostages.

“You-you have to…..” Y/N began to say but flinched when Sam put even more pressure on the oozing wound.

“Don’t talk you can’t waste your energy,” Sam interrupted her and then picked her up bridal style and began to walk her out of the building. Y/N flinched and looked back to see if she saw the hostages anywhere but her vision was getting blurred again.

“The-the hostages,” Y/N stuttered though pain and biting into her lip from screaming out in pain.

“There fine I got everyone in there handled,” Sam reassured as they reached out doors and then lifted himself up and flew across the sky towards the Quinjet that got them there. Y/N closed her eyes and hid her face in his neck as her arms wrapped around his neck. Her heart was pounding as pain pulsed through her body. God she hoped the people were safe.

Then out of nowhere Y/N and Sam heard an explosion and Sam turned around to see the building that was just standing there was up in flames and smoke. Before Y/N could do anything she passed out in his arms as the pain began to get too much for her.

When Y/N woke up Steve was there with Natasha and he explained to her that the hostages unfortunately passed because there was the explosion.

Y/N felt tears fill her eyes as she sat up on the hospital bed. Steve and Natasha left to give her some space as she wondered where Sam could’ve gone. If she would’ve been more aware of her surroundings she wouldn’t have gotten shot and they would've got everyone out safe and fine. She failed them. And she failed her whole team.

Of course she was angry with Sam after this, he should’ve left her there so more people could’ve lived. But she was more angry at herself. She couldn’t face Sam or anyone for a few days. Y/N was awkward around Sam and had anger radiating off her while she talked to anyone. So people avoided her.

That’s why she didn’t want to be paired with Sam. She didn’t want to have history repeat itself.

“I’m sorry Y/L/N but you’re going to have to face him someday,” Steve apologized. He saw how affected she was about this and maybe Sam could help her get over it since he was there with her when it happened.

“Fine,” Y/N scoffed, bumping into his shoulder as she walked off to her room to get ready for this mission.

Her heart was beating as she started to get more and more nervous about this whole thing. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of her. She didn’t want anyone to die. So she wouldn’t be having Sam’s jokes or his snide remarks this day, she needs to be on point.

Y/N got all of her weapons ready before walking out of her room and finally reaching the Quinjet where Sam was sitting down cleaning his guns out. Once he heard her enter the room a smirk graced his lips.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Sam laughs, turning around to look at her but only finding her face clenching in anger. His brow furrowed in confusion not knowing what was going on with her.

“Let’s get this over with,” Y/N grumbled, taking a seat and getting all of her weapons in place. Sam snickered at her attitude with confusion all over his face.

Of course he knew that Y/N was upset but Sam thought she was over it by now, but he hasn’t seen her this past few weeks but he heard from Bucky that she was in a horrible mood. Sam sighed before going to sit next her which made her huff out of annoyance.

“Okay what’s your problem,” Sam snapped, turning to face Y/N who had shock written all over her face.

“Nothing,” Y/N lied straight through her teeth, not meeting Sam’s gaze which was burning a hole into the side of her head. She didn’t want to tell him that the reason she’s all broody is because of her own failure.

“I know you’re lying so just tell me the truth so we can at least tolerate each other,” Sam says frustration running through his veins as he rubs his forehead.

When Y/N didn’t respond Sam scoffed.

“Fine let’s just get through this and I’ll talk to Steve about us never going on a mission again,” Sam retorted then standing up and sitting on the other side of the Quinjet.

Y/N looked at him in shock, even though she showed signs that she didn’t like working with him, he was really fun. Now because of her own insecurities and failures she’s going to lose an incredible friend or enemy depends on how you see it. Of course Y/N knew it wasn’t his fault, it was her own. Y/N had to prove that she isn’t this failure that Sam or Steve sees in her.

She saw it in Steve's eyes when she was in the hospital and she believes that she just saw it in Sam’s eyes just now. Deep down she knows she’s a failure and it cuts to her deep to the core to even think about admitting it. The mission she failed just proves it to herself and everyone else even more. God she can’t even do her own job right.

Ever since Y/N was young she was all about being perfect. The perfect grades, the attitude, and eventually to try to be the perfect fighter. Imperfection haunted her as the people in her life, she believed were better than her and sometimes didn’t even like her. Steve usually didn’t talk to her unless it’s work, same with Natasha. Bucky never talks to her, Tony’s too busy in the lab, same as Bruce. Wanda was very sympathetic towards her though since she’s looked through Y/N’s mind. Wanda and Y/N are friends and Wanda is her only friend. Vision was more of an acquaintance.

Sam was different though. She felt the need to prove herself to him. Y/N didn’t know why she felt this since she never felt this towards anyone on the team so why should it matter what he thinks. Sam was an enigma to her, he was an amazing fighter and had this charming personality that made her want to smile but she was too stubborn to do so.

This fear of imperfection ruins things in her life sometimes.

The mission was a success and Y/N gave it her all as she got everyone out okay and the bad guys were all on the way to prison. But it filled that whole in her heart, it didn’t prove anything to her or to anyone.

So whenever she feels frustrated she goes to the gym and let’s all of her frustration on the boxing bag. Y/N is usually here often. She likes to stay fit and it acts as some sort of therapy to her. While she was too busy punching the bag someone entered the room and she didn’t even hear it.

“Damn what did that punching bag ever do to you,” Sam’s voice rang through her ears and she dropped her arms to her side and let out a long sigh before turning to face him. He was in his usual work out gear with a smirk spreading across his lips.

“It broke my heart and dumped a year ago,” Y/N responded, a sarcastic tone in her face as her arms crossed around her chest. Sam let out a laugh at her monotone voice and clearly didn’t seem amused.

“That is the first time I’ve ever heard a joke,” Sam chuckled.

“What are you talking about? I'm a very amusing person,” Y/N let out a tiny smile on her lips.

“Who told you that lie,” Sams’ eyes narrow in confusion.

“Piss off Wilson,” Y/N grumbled wondering why she was joking around with the man. But that conversation caused some butterflies in her stomach. She turned around and bent over to grab her stuff.

When she turned around it showed the soul mark that has been there ever since she turned 18. To Sam’s dismay and his eyes widened in shock as the soul mark matched the same to his on his shoulder. Before he could even mutter a word Y/N left the gym giving him a sarcastic smile.

Sam just stood there in shock. His soulmate has been there all along and he didn’t even notice it. He didn’t know how to feel about it, of course he found Y/N attractive and her attitude was sometimes tolerable. But she made it very clear she was all work and no play. Deep down he knew he felt something for her even before he found out about the soul mate crap.

“Sam you okay,” Steve waved a hand in front of his face trying to get his attention. Sam blinked, rubbing his eyes and nodded at Steve's question.

“Pair me with Y/N for the next mission please,” Sam bluntly asked and shock was written all over the captain's face.

“But you told me last night-,” Steve began to say as he looked at him confused.

“Just please do it and don’t tell her she’ll just get all pissy about it,” Sam asked with a pleading look on his face. Sam narrowed his eyes but nodded anyway.

“Your secrets are safe with me,” Steve promised.

Over the next few days Sam has been trying to talk to Y/N but she always seemed to be in her room and it was clear she didn’t want anyone in there. He needed to talk to her about this, he’s been looking for his soulmate for years and he has to do something about it. Sam’s sure that she has no idea about it since she probably would be more awkward around her.

For her next mission Y/N wasn’t sure who her team mate for this one would be. She was hooping it would be Wanda since she was more comfortable around her than anyone else. Though she wanted to resolve this situation with Sam but was too stubborn to do it.

As she walked to the Quinjet she felt her heart drop as she thought she knew that Sam was going to be there. Even though it was tough to admit she liked Sam’s jokes and his whole persona. He wasn’t even that annoying to her but she has built up so much walls to protect her heart from anyone so she wouldn’t get hurt.

“I thought you didn’t want to work with me anymore,” Y/N stated as she entered the Quinjet and saw Sam sitting there with his leg jittering. He jumped not knowing that she entered the room and relaxed when he saw it was her.

Y/N didn’t blame Sam that he didn’t want to work with her.

“I need to talk to you before we go to this mission okay,” Sam firmly stated, making her eyes furrow as she had no idea what he wanted to talk to her about.

“Okay,” Y/N stated she tried to shake the shock off of her body. She sat next to him since he needed to talk about something. “What do you need to talk about,” She asked fiddling with her thumbs.

“About your soul mark,” Sam softly said resting one of his hands on top of hers making sparks flow through her whole body. It felt weird and she didn’t know. She didn't even know why he wanted to know about her soul mark.

“What about it,” Y/N asked curious as the pad of his thumb rubbed comforting circles on the top of her hand.

“I have the same one,” Sam whispers looking directly in her eyes and at first Y/N thinks this is one of his jokes so she let’s a little giggle out at it. But when he wasn’t laughing with her she looked at him with an un comprehensive look on her face.

“What,” Y/N says as she tries to remove her hand from his but he caught and gave it a squeeze. With a sigh he released her hand and lifted up his shirt to show his shoulder that the soul mark was placed. He bent over the seat he was in a bit to let her get a good look at it.

She was shocked as she stared at his back. Her soulmate was Sam Wilson and man she thought she despised and despised her. Her fingers trailed across the skin and kept staring at the mark. It was identical to hers. Goosebumps fluttered across Sam’s skin as she caressed his skin.

“How,” Y/N whispered as she removed her hand and he sat up straight pulling his shirt down.

“Well everyone’s got a soul mark when they’re born-,” Sam smirked as he started to respond to her question.

“Not like that,” Y/N smacked his arm.

“You’ve been working out haven’t you,” Sam grabbed his shoulder faking a wince. “Okay okay I’ll be more serious,” He put his hands up in defense. “I just can’t believe that my soulmate has been here all this time,” He says in disbelief.

“You don’t want me,” Y/N blurted out as she stood up and walked to the middle of the room as Sam stayed sitting down for the moment. His shoulders slumped as his face was contorted into disbelief.

“And how do you know what I want,” Sam fired back, crossing his arms.

“I just do and you won’t want somebody like me,” Y/N snapped, used her hand and pointed to herself and rested her hand on her heart which was racing.

“Why are you so closed off,” Sam fumed, standing up walking in front of her, his stance matching hers. “Why won’t you let anyone in,” He snapped, glaring at her. He hated the way he was talking to his soulmate but he needed some reasons.

“Because I’m a failure,” Y/N shouted as tears brimmed her eyes. “I couldn’t help those hostages. I don’t even know why I’m an Avenger, I suck so bad,” She ran her hands through her hand and tugged on the roots.

Sam stood there flabbergasted as Y/N turned around and cupped her mouth to keep the sobs in. She knew this was gonna happen, this has been building in her for a long time and it was about time that the volcano exploded.

“You’re not a failure,” Sam says still in disbelief that she would think this about herself. He walked so that he was standing in front of her and cupped her cheeks in his hands. He wiped the tears that fell from her eyes. But she had them closed not wanting to give into him. “You’re one of the most badass women that I know. And even though you can have a snippy attitude I know that you want to help people,” Sam softly says pressing his lips to her forehead making her shiver from the electricity.

“How can you think that I’ve been horrible to you,” Y/N says her voice hoarse from crying.

“I also know how dedicated to work you are and that I can disturb that sometimes,” Sam smiles, removing his hands from her cheeks.

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Y/N nervously chuckles looking up at him as she feels heat crawl all over her body.

“How bout this you make it up to me by buying me a coffee,” Sam bargains a smile plastered on his face.

“Are you asking me out,” Y/N asks, feeling a bit of giddy in her.

“Depends on the answer,” Sam shrugs. She gives him a smile before leaning up and pressing her lips to his and putting her hand on his neck. His hands go to her hips as they stand there and kiss.

The Quinjet flying off breaks the two apart with smiles on their faces. The tears that were once there have been dried away and her heart was feeling better.

“I’m guessing that was a yes.”

[lostinwildflowers]

A Little Payback Never Hurt~

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Summary:

Word Count: 1.1K

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, fluffy ending, jealousy in both parties, I hope Yumi isn't a name because I made it up 0.0, minor swearing

A/N: ANON!!! I loved this idea so much and I don't think I quite did it justice :( !!! I'm sorry it has taken literally FOREVER to get this done, but I hope you will enjoy this!!! MWAH MWAH!! Thank you for joining my event :) -Birch<3

You could hear and see Levi with someone. She was a short, pretty blonde girl that went by the name of Yumi, and she was currently flirting with your boyfriend. Levi seemed to be enjoying her presence, as far as you could tell. His usual scowl was nowhere to be seen, but he wasn’t smiling either.

The last straw was when Levi answered her question, and she laughed, reaching forward to playfully swat Levi on the chest. And he didn’t move or push her away. No, he stood there and almost smiled at her, the smile that he reserved for you and sometimes Erwin or Hange.

The sound of a door slamming is what gathers Levi’s attention away from Yumi, catching the sound of a sob rippling through the air. He excuses himself before following the sound of quick footsteps in the dining hall before he hears an office door slam shut.

He finds you sitting in his chair, eyes teary and lips wobbly as you take one glance at him before looking away. You wrap yourself in your arms, trying to hug yourself to calm your racing heart.

“Y/n, what the hell is wrong with you?” Levi asks blunty, shutting his office door a little more quietly than you had before walking briskly over to his desk, voice hard and unwavering.

Levi’s words catch you off guard as you look back at him from where you are sitting by his window, (colored) eyes widening in shock. You shake your head as if you didn’t hear him right and you repeat back to him, “What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you, Levi?”

Levi just scoffs in reply, rolling his eyes as he slaps one hand down onto his desk, eyes shooting up to look at your own. He takes a deep breath, pinching between his eyebrows before muttering, “Gosh, of course you’re jealous. It all makes sense now.”

You get up and walk over to him, pulling his arm away from his face as you stare at him, eyes hardening when you say, “I’m jealous? Hell yeah, I’m jealous. My boyfriend is making googly eyes over some other girl and you don’t bother to reassure me that she’s just a friend or anything. Fuck off.”

With that, you turn and walk out of his office, purposely slamming the door behind you harshly so that the sound would ring out loudly just to irritate him more.

But as you walk away from the dining hall and back to your own quarters, you can feel guilt wash over you as the tears you hid earlier now drip down your face.

Of course he would like Yumi more than me. She’s really pretty, funny, not to mention popular with all the guys and officers.

And that’s when you got the idea to give Levi a little taste of his own medicine. That night, you ran through the list of all the male commanding officers you knew, not Erwin, Miche, or Moblit though. Someone else…

The following morning, you set out to execute your plan. You knew just who would fall victim to your charm, an easy target per se.

You started at breakfast in the dining hall, choosing to sit away from Levi and Erwin’s table to sit next to Oluo, Gunther, and Petra. You set your tray down next to Oluo, giving him a sweet and fake smile before saying, “You look very nice today Oluo. Did you get a haircut recently?”

The blonde-haired man next to you smirks happily as he replies, “Why yes I did, Y/n, thank you for noticing. I didn’t think anyone was going to realize it.”

Petra’s eyebrows raise in surprise at your compliment while Gunther just scoffs and continues to eat his breakfast. You and Oluo talk for the rest of the meal, and you make sure to not look at Levi’s table. The heat of his gaze is strong enough to tell you that he’s watching, but you pay him no heed as you pretend to laugh at one of Oluo’s bad jokes.

The next time you execute your plan is during training, where you got paired up with Gunther. You were playfully dodging his attacks, quick and sassy remarks falling off of your lips as you dodged another kick.

Levi was starting to seethe with rage at this point, seeing red as you smiled carelessly at another man. He couldn’t stand to watch you hang onto another guy's shoulder as you caught your breath, laugh at some joke, and toss your head back in your perfect laugh.

That was when Levi decided he was done watching you torture him like this, so he walks up to you with a scowl and grunts, “L/n, my office. Now.”

Internally, you were laughing and screaming at the way Levi’s brows furrowed and his lips curled down in a scowl. He only ever got this angry when a mission didn’t turn out the way he wanted, so he angrily stalked behind you until you slid into his office.

He slams the door shut behind him, making you jump in surprise at the loud bang, and Levi almost laughs at the way your eyes widen in shock. Levi pulls his cape off and sets it on the back of his office chair before leaning forward with both palms on the table, his grey eyes locking onto your own.

“What the hell has gotten into you the last few days, Y/n?” he asks gruffly, his voice low and gravelly as his eyes scan your form, slightly softening when he sees you wearing the necklace he gave you around your neck.

You smirk and lean forward, a toothy grin starting to peel across your face as you murmur, “What do you think, Levi? I was giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

Suddenly in clicks in Levi’s head that all of the flirty touches and laughs directed at your squadmates were all in a ruse to get him to be jealous. His brows furrow as he snaps, “What the hell are you on about? I’m not jealous!”

You just raise an eyebrow at him, and Levi feels his cheeks start to burn at the reason behind his outburst. He sighs and closes his eyes before mumbling, “Okay, I get it. Point taken, Y/n. Can we go back to normal now?”

You slip around the desk and wrap your arms around Levi, tugging him close to your chest with a nod. “No more jealousy, because it sucks, doesn’t it?”

Levi just groans into your shoulder as he hugs you back, relieved that the two of you were okay and that he should really watch his back whenever talking to other girls.