#do you think he missed them? judith and his parents?

[gophergal]

From Little Dark Age by MGMT: "Forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain. Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away"

Because that lyric reminds me of a certain blorbo

Don't worry, it reminds me of him too

[lunajay33]

Lost

•🗝️🕊️🩶•

Summary: Carl Grimes was your best friend since birth, when he died the world turns grey, he was your partner in crime so you shut yourself off from the world, no one could get through, until one day you’re wondering Alexandria seeing Negan in his cell, maybe he could be the one to break you out of this hell

Pairing: Negan Smith x f!reader

Content: Age gap, Depressing themes, Consoling, Spicy themes later on, breeding kink, character development

•Masterlist•

I’ve been working around Hilltop helping out Maggie with what I could just for the week, Carl convinced me to come even though I really wanted to stay with in back in Alexandria, I just have this gut feeling for some reason, I work on cleaning up the garden thinking about the memories Carl and I shared, the first day of kindergarten when we were terrified of meeting other kids but he assured me he wouldn’t leave my side, or in grade 3 when boys would pick on me and he’d come to my rescue just like I did for him, then the world went to hell and everything happened so fast, I was out at the park with my parents, Carl and his mom and uncle Shane when crowds of walkers entered the park, screams erupted and blood went everywhere, Carl grabbed my hand and brought me back to his mom and Shane, I looked for my parents seeing them limp and covered in blood on the ground, I couldn’t mover until Carl snapped me out of it, Shane got us out of town, from then on Carl and I made sure to be eachothers safety net, partner in crime

We looked out for eachother after the farm fell, cuddling together on the road during cold nights, bunking together when we found the prison, I cared for him when his mother passed and did everything I could to help out with Judith, then the prison fell and I thought I’d never see him again, I found Carol, Tyrese and Judith on the road after a few days of being alone, everything happened at terminus and when I came out of the cabin and saw him again everything felt whole again like I had been missing a piece of me, on the road he kept me sane and grounded and I loved him for everything he’s given me, he’s my best friend, my brother even and no matter what this crazy screwed up world threw at us, we are there for eachother to support and love and comfort

I’m broken out of my thoughts when Maggie crouches beside me, plucking some berries that have ripened

“What’re you thinking about sweetie?” She asked nudging my arm

“Just all the moments I’ve shared with Carl, I guess I’ve just been feeling nostalgic today” I hear the gates open behind us, I turn excited to see if it might be Carl, he said he’d come pick me up at the end of this week here at Hilltop

I rush over to see Daryl enter first on his bike, I keep searching looking around for any sign of Carl, I look at Daryl confused when I find no sign of him

“Daryl, where’s Carl? He said he’d come”

He got off his bike clutching the strap of his crossbow, what he usually did when he was anxious

“Daryl?” My stomach feel sick somethings happened

“He tried…..tried to save some guy, nobody knew, not until he got worse” he grumbled out

“What…..what do you mean he got worse? Daryl? Daryl please tell me he didn’t……” I could feel my throat tighten my chest aches

“He got bit, he’s gone kid, I’m so sorry” he pulled me into his chest when I felt my knees weaken

I don’t know what to do, this pain is all consuming, that part of me that felt whole and complete with him just got ripped away in seconds, I feel so hollow and angry

“No no no no, he can’t be gone, please Daryl say you’re lying, just say this is a nightmare and I just need to wake up” I scream pushing back but seeing that defeated look on his face made it all real, he’s really gone, my best friend is dead

The drive on the back of Daryl’s motorcycle on the way back to Alexandria passed in a blur, there was no thoughts except Carl, nothing else just him and the way I loved him and the way he loved me, and I hate that I have to think “loved” and not “love” everything about him will be in the past now and it hurt, it hurts so damn bad, I don’t even know how to process this

The gates of Alexandria opened and Daryl drove in parking his bike infront of our house, it was just me Daryl, Rick Michonne, Judith and…….Carl

“Come on, get ya something to eat” Daryl said guiding me up the stairs, Daryl and Maggie always felt like more than just members of the group to me, they were more involved in my life than the others, they cared and noticed when I needed something, anything, but usually Carl would be the one to help me out

We got inside nothing has changed but it feels empty and lifeless, Daryl tried to get me to eat something but I just can’t, I go into my room downstairs across from Daryl’s and change into some sweats and one of Carls hoodies he gave me, it still smells like him, I can feel the tears run down my face all over again, when others died it still hurt but this is completely different, I’ve never felt like this before

I walk upstairs past everyone and go straight to Carls room, old comic books on his nightstand, some mess clothes strung over his floor, I laid on his bed when I feel something under his pillow, pulling it out it’s a letter with my name on it, I suck in a deep breath not feeling ready yet, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to read this, I tuck it into my hoodie pocket wishing I never had to get a letter

2 months have past and it’s been complete hell, I thought it was bad when I first found out, that maybe with some time I’d be able to grieve and try and find another hope to live, that’s what everyone tried to say at least, Daryl and Maggie kept checking on me every so often, telling me about what’s been happening trying to obviously distract me, Maggie was happy that they took down the saviours but livid that Rick let Negan live who now supposedly was a prisoner in a cell somewhere in Alexandria, Daryl would sit with me in silence sometimes just his presence sometimes helped, but only for a moment until Carl entered my thoughts again

I haven’t been able to eat, only if Daryl forced me to eat but I’ve only been able to keep down a little bit at a time, an apple, some water, but that feeling of hunger just never came, and I haven’t been able to sleep right either, I stay up all night just watching the stars thinking of all the times Carl and I would star gaze, he’d point out every constellation making me feel like an idiot but it was fun……..was

I get up from Carls bed changing into a fresh hoodie scared I’ll forget his smell, I walk to the mirror noticing the deep dark circles under my eyes and how my cheeks have sunken, my eyes blood shot, the hoodie is completely baggy on me now, freshening my hair into a less ratty ponytail and left the house, it’s late at night and the only people out are the people guarding the wall

I wander around until I’m sick of walking sitting on some steps that led down to some underground basement but it feels more private than just sitting on the street, feeling the cool night air it helps calm me down a bit, I push my hands into my pocket feeling the letter, I’ve kept it with me this whole time just waiting for the moment I get enough courage to read it, it’s time

I pull it out and unfold it looking at his familiar handwriting

“Y/n, my dearest friend, my best friend, the girl I’ve loved my whole life, I’m sorry have to write this, I’m gonna miss you and everything we could’ve done, but i don’t want you to wallow because I know if I lost you I’d be a wreck so please, don’t waste your life of precious moments on thinking about me, about reminiscing on every single detail of this pain, I love you more than anything so please for me…….live, find someone who will love you, find peace in the fact that I’m somewhere watching over you, because if anyone deserves the best in this screwed up world it’s you, I’ll always be there y/n just be happy”

But I don’t know how to be happy anymore, I’m glad it’s night time because I’m crying so hard I can’t breath, I feel sick, I feel like I need Carl

“Hey, you okay?” I hiccup and wipe my tears looking down the steps to the barred whole in the bricks where Negan stood looking up at me

“Sorry, I thought I was alone” I fold back up the letter and place it back in my pocket, I know the things Negan has done, but when I first met him when he visited Alexandria I felt oddly calm around him, un like everyone else

“You look like shit honey” usually when he said remarks like that he’d laugh in the persons face but he sounded genuine, if that was possible for Negan

“Thanks”

“This about Carl?” I go stiff hating enough that it plagued my mind but when others talked about it it just makes everything worse

“I don’t know what to do, how to live without him” I say feeling my lip tremble as I lean back against the brick wall next to the stair case

“I know how you feel, lost my wife at the start, the pain doesn’t go away, you just gotta learn to live with it” this side of Negan was really shocking me

“Carl was my best friend, he was there since day 1, I don’t know how to move on, how to deal with the pain, I feel like I’m dying, I look like I’m dying…..apparently” I look at him at the last comment

“Damn, I always thought you were his girl, he was pretty protective of you”

“He always did that, another thing I’ll miss…….how did you move on, after your wife, how do I sleep again, how do I eat, how do I not wanna die and be with Carl again, how do I…..be whole again” I wrap my arms around myself as if it would fix this feeling

“Don’t stop, Carl was a good kid and if you’re anything like him he’d want you to smile again, no one can fix how you feel, you have to find a reason to live, live for his memory”

“I’m scared” I whine sitting right infront of the bars of the “window”

“Of what?”

“That I’ll forget what he sounds like, that I’ll eventually forget what he looks like”

“You’ll be okay darlin, I promise you that”

I wipe more tears letting out a little embarrassed laugh

“Prisons really changed you”

“It’s given me plenty time to think, gets boring in here”

“I can……I can come visit you sometimes if you’d like?”

“Anytime darling I’m not going anywhere soon”

“Thanks for talking to me, I know I’ve been pretty much a mess”

“You’ve always been easy talking to you, only one to not seem scared”

“You don’t scare me Negan”

“Good, now go back home, take a shower and sleep” I nod before getting up to head home, when I get through the door about to head upstairs to Carls room but stop thinking about the letter, about what Negan said, I turn to go downstairs back to my room I haven’t slept in for 2 months, I shower and change into my own clothes, and for the first time in a long time I actually was able to sleep through the night

The sun shines through my window waking me up, I groan feeling my stomach grumble, after my talk with Negan last night it actual helped a bit, maybe its because he’s not family like everyone else that’s been trying to help me but he’s given me some umph to work on myself

I freshen up before going upstairs and grab some toast to eat

“Hey kid yer up early” Daryl says as he leans against the counter across from me

“Yeah, I finally got to sleep last night” I mumble

“Well good, I’m going out on a run today ya need anything?”

“Ummm….if you come across any foundation or something my color could you pick it up?”

“Why would ya need that?” He asked obviously confused since I never wear makeup

“Never mind it’s nothing, be safe on the run” I say quickly picking up an apple and leaving the house

In all honestly after finally looking in the mirror and seeing the damage I’ve done to myself, seeing how sickly and sunken my features have become it’s gotten under my skin and made me feel a bit self conscious

I walk down the streets seeing Michonne walking towards Negan cell, I catch up with her before she gets there

“Hey”

“Hey sweetie it’s nice to see you out” we were stopped right before the stairs down to Negans cell

“Yeah I needed some air, what’re you doing?”

“My turn to watch over Negan, worst part of my day” she groaned

“Ummm I can take your watch, I’m not doing anything else”

“You sure?”

I nod feeling my social battery already dwindle from this conversation, nothing against Michonne, I love her it’s just all new again still, everything didn’t get fixed over night

“Okay but if you get sick of him come get me” she said before she left back to the direction of our house, I walk down the stairs and actual get into the basement this time, seeing him laid on his little bed in his cell, I pull a chair up closer to his cell and he finally noticed me

“Back for more darlin?” He asks sitting up

“Is it a crime to come visit you?”

“Nah, I’d rather have you sit and talk then some guard glare daggers at me all day”

“You can’t blame them but……but someone should give you a chance” I say as I keep my eyes focused on the apple I brought

“You eat today?” He asks changing the subject

“Yeah…….here I brought this for you” I say holding the apple through the cell bars

“You eat it, you need it”

“Don’t push me, I already ate and I know they probably feed you crappy food so please take it” he looked me over and it feels like my skin is on fire like there’s a thousand eyes on me

He stood up coming over to take it, his fingers graze my hands sending little shivers up my arms

“So how’d you become the “all terrifying” Negan?”

“Told you last night about my wife, after she passed I couldn’t take it I became angry at everything and took my rage out on everyone, hell I was a gym teacher before now look at me, I had everything when I ran the saviours, still hard to let go of this anger sometimes” he groaned as he bite the apple

“I understand that anger, my parents died right at the start and Carl was there for me through everything, he never left my side, I told him I’d stay here with him that I didn’t wanna leave him just even for a week but he said…..he said he’d be fine and he’d come pick me up, now I regret I couldn’t even get to see him in his last moments, just to be there to comfort him”

“Oh kid, have you spoken to anyone about this? Someone you’re more close to than a prisoner?”

“I can’t, they’re already worried enough and Maggie has her son and Daryl had the town to deal with, and I don’t know it’s easier to talk to you” I bit my lip trying to keep the tears at bay

“When does it stop hurting?” I ask looking at him for some guidance

“I don’t know darlin, might be awhile”

“I wish I could be angry, take out all this pain and turn it into rage so I could deal with it some how instead of wasting away”

“Damn hun you need some comfort from someone” I sighed looking at the keys dangling on the hook on the wall for his cell

“Will you?”

“You’re not worried about me holding you hostage so they let me out of this damn hellhole”

“Well are you going to?” I ask pushing the key into the lock waiting for his answer

“I’m not that much of a prick” I unlocked the door and entered as he patted the bed next to him, I sit next to him feeling his arm wrap around my shoulders

“Left the door open and everything” he laughed as I rest my head against his chest

“If you wanna go I won’t stop you, you did awful things but I don’t think you should be locked up like some wild animal”

“You’re too sweet for this world, probably haven’t been able to even experience anything you should have by now, what are you 20?”

“22, and no I haven’t experienced anything really, not like there was any time or opportunities”

“You didn’t even experiment with Carl even if he was your friend?”

“We had little pecks but that’s all we wanted, he’s like…….he was like my brother” I say sitting up to look at him, his hand slides from my shoulders down to my thigh

“Haven’t even tested the waters with yourself?” He asks as his voice gets deeper my heart racing

“A little but…..” his hand slid higher up my thigh

“But what darling?” His gaze was intimidating but I also can’t look away

“But I don’t know what to do” I feel extremely turned on but also really embarrassed, either way it feels better than a shell of who I am

“Tell me what you’ve tried” I go to tell him how I touch myself when the door to the basement slams open and there stands Michonne, she comes in squeezing my arm tight and drags me out of the cell locking it behind her

“Michonne you’re hurting me” I whine from her grip

“What the hell were you thinking he could’ve hurt you” she yelled, she’s never yelled at me before and it’s terrifying

“I…….he wasn’t going to hurt me” I have to look away, her gaze was intimidate too but not in the way I like, her stare makes me feel small and weak bringing me back to this empty feeling again

“You’re an idiot if you think he wouldn’t use you, let’s go” she pushes me out the door and up the stairs, I see Negan through the window, he looked almost defeated as me, but what shon in his eyes ignited a little fire in the pit of my stomach

I’m definitely coming back here to finish that conversation

Part 2

Taglist: @lanadelnegan @lvrgirl6999 @aubiewabie33 @negandevotee @mordilwen-of-mirkwood @sweetbutpsychobutsweet @heidiland05 @sadgenderfluidmaniac

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 14 - Birthday Parties | ‘Ours’

You sat in the back garden holding Teddy. Normally, you didn’t love the idea of opening a gift whilst a party was still going on. It made you a little queasy even thinking about having to muster up some sort of reaction for a gift you might’ve not liked but nevertheless your party planner had convinced you it’d be cute for Teddy to open a few. Your parents had arrived the day of the party. They weren't really ones for staying anywhere ‘extra’ days. They seemed to always have a jam packed schedule and even had to ‘move some things around’ to ‘make it work’ to attend their granddaughter's first birthday. You handed Teddy to your mum who wanted to hold her while she showed her what she had gotten for her as a present. Your newly 12 month old baby didn’t really have the attention span people were looking for from her but she tried her best. It was almost uncomfortable watching your mum be so comfortable with Teddy. She was so positive and motivating. It confused you. She emphasized how beautiful Teddy was over and over again. Repeating how much she loved Teddy’s chubby arms. The way her pudgy golden skin rolled. You don’t think you had ever heard her say the word in that tone. ‘Chubby’ was never a good thing if it was coming off her lips and yet here you were almost melting over it. She had given Teddy a Judith Leiber rainbow bear purse. Your mum loved Judith Leiber bags; they were kitschy, extravagant and expensive. It was sweet in her own way.

“Wow, say thank you, yeah?” Trent cooed to Teddy kissing her cheek. He was able to manage some sort of polite response. It was a £5,000 plus crystal clutch. Did your one year old daughter need this? Absolutely not. In your mum's head though was the perfect thing for any child. Of course it was. And there she was again… that’s mum, champagne in hand, luxury bag in the other, terrifyingly gorgeous face waiting for your recognition.

Winnie and Lauren had flown over with your parents for the occasion and a few of Trent and his brother’s friends came as well. Frankly, you appreciated them just showing up. They were friends and family, of course, but they were also in their young twenties willingly spending their time watching your baby mush cake into her face. It was George's birthday in a few days time as well and he had invited you and Trent on a trip for it but it was a little far-fetched. Every time you saw anyone who was invited on said trip their time was spent trying to convince you to go on it, today that person was George. He was persistent until Winnie got a hold of him. George started talking to Winnie stood in your back garden preoccupied for the moment.

“Not a footballer….” Lauren cooed in an obnoxious tone in Winnie’s ear as if she didn’t know that. She of course had met George previously. Winnie swatted at Lauren’s ass with her hand to tell her to keep moving. It was kind of funny to think of how you never realized how much was going on around you as a kid. Like what adults were actually doing at the parties you were at. Right now, you were taking it easy. You could have a drink here or there but if you were holding Teddy you didn’t want to take anything too far. Too far didn’t exist in everyone else at this part your age’s vocabulary. Their day was just beginning. Lauren and Winnie were staying with you which in theory was fun. It was fun up until later into the evening when you realized they didn’t spend a lot of time especially together at night when a baby was in the same house. You had said Winnie and Lauren were like hell on wheels but throwing Trents friends into the mix, a forest fire.

“It’s my child’s first birthday… like why!” you shrieked at Winnie who was currently peeling her clothes off to dive into your pool you had been putting off closing because you were too lazy. It was an unreasonably warm night for the north west of England but still. She went to respond to you but one of Marcel’s friends pushed her in. All the ‘adults’ had left. I mean, you were adults. Your sister that just went in the pool was an adult but it didn’t feel that way. She came up from the water with a gasp.

“Don’t you want to be a cool mum?” Winnie tried to guilt you into coming in with her as she treaded water. You rolled her eyes at her poor attempt to convince you but you still took slight offense to her comment. Was she saying you weren’t cool anymore?

“I am cool… I just don’t want to swim right now.” You stood your ground but shakily. It pinged in your brain wondering if you had become less fun. Until Marcel came over and picked you up from behind. “Marce, I swear to fucking god, put me down!” You yelped as he walked closer to the pool with you squirming. “My phone! My phone! Wait!” You begged him not to, at the very least, ruin your phone.

“Gimme your phone then …” he taunted you knowing it was in fact, not in your pocket. You looked at him with pleading eyes. “I’ll go in with you…” he spoke quieter just to you in the hopes he could entice you if he went with you.

“I really don’t want to get wet…” You moaned. Really not interested in getting thrown in. He wasn’t happy you didn’t accept his olive branch.

“You used to be so much more fun. Relax.” He spoke to you teetering on the edge of the pool. Everyone was telling you to relax lately so you just closed your eyes slightly defeated. He threw you in. The sound of the water engulfing you was jarring. Trent stood on your back patio watching you pull yourself out of the water completely soaked. Your white tank top now see through, your bra on display. He felt so conflicted like he needed to be a responsible but he couldn’t focus… you looked really fucking hot.

“Trentski!!!! Wannna go for a swim?!” one of the other boys called out seeing him walk out of the house. You were underwater when he did so you smiled picking your head up to see him. He jogged up some stone stairs to get to where you all were by the pool.

“I’m all good, lad.” He dapped up a few people. He had been inside after putting Teddy down and then had just kind of chilled in her nursery for a while making sure she was okay. He was exhausted after his game and you appreciated him being so active with how many people flooded your house today. He liked to retreat after matches so this was a little abnormal for the normal post game routine. “Little wet?” He whispered behind you. You leaned back into him. He winced feeling your wet body and hair cold against his warm skin. You hummed. He wrapped his strong arms around you anyways, crossing his muscles over your chest.

“Before the pool… I was on my way up to you.” You reached behind you and dragged your nails down his neck a little harsher, gaining his full attention.

“And now you're all wet.” He cooed. You giggled rolling your neck to the side resting your head back onto his shoulder.

“I was gonna get wet anyways, right?” You asked him batting your eyelashes up at him. He looked away from you with a smirk trying to ignore your comment and pay attention to the conversation ensuing around you.

“It’d be a little different. I’ll show you later.” He whispered resting his chin onto your shoulder. He kissed your cheek and you felt a shiver run through your body. You shuddered with anticipation but also from your wet clothes sticking to your now cold skin.

You went inside a bit later with Lauren and Winnie to your kitchen to make margaritas. Nothing new was happening here. 1942, ice, lime, agave, simple as. You grabbed everything and placed it on the counter and Lauren took over from there. Hers were ‘better’ i.e. she just put more tequila in. You sat at the island with Winnie. You snooped and saw she was on the dating app Raya so you proceeded to tease her and then asked to ‘play.’ Winnie insisted it wasn’t a game to play, she was in fact looking for love.

“No, no, no! This one is a no. Absolutely not.” You sighed as you swiped again and again on Winnie’s account profiling potential matches.

“Why are you even on Raya? You already have access to the gems of that app.” Lauren asked, pausing, holding the cocktail shaker. Raya was the dating app that a lot of athletes used because you had to authenticate and apply to get in so it was better for them but in turn a lot of girls used it in an effort to meet someone like a footballer. Which at the moment, there were a few in your back garden.

“No, I don’t Lauren… because someone keeps hooking up with every man.” Winnie complained, grabbing her phone back from you. She really was only referring to Jude and Marcel, only one was a footballer but she felt like her point still stood.

“Two? Calm down… You were Miss. T has rosters full.” Lauren said back to her pouring the margaritas over ice. She was teasing Winnie because she had ranted on at a dinner once back in New York about how amazing it was to have a professional athlete likely become her brother in law but alas she had not exactly reaped the rewards the same way Lauren had.

“You both need to relaxxxx. You’ll find someone who’ll make you happy and… “ You continued to babble buzzed unintentionally about how perfect your life was indirectly and how they'll eventually have relationships and families. Lauren and Winnie rolled their eyes simultaneously. You were then cut off.

“Y/N, I get you’re a mum and getting married” she laughed. “But not everyone has to do that. I’m perfectly fine like this.” You rolled your eyes dismissing her. Lauren had a firm stance on wanting to always be the ‘fun aunt’ but she was softer than that. She’d be good with kids. You let her yap away about stuff like this because it was authentically her to stand her ground but another more fragile side would always peek through the cracks of her hard exterior. You watched Lauren’s eyes light up and her lips pull into a devious smirk watching the boys outside from the kitchen.

“So what about Jude?” You asked bluntly cutting off her thoughts as she slid a glass over to you. You took your first sip and winced at the harsh burn of the alcohol.

“What about Jude?” She looked at you like you were asking about someone she barely spoke to. Lauren loved to flirt but she was seeing Jude and you knew that.

“Aren’t you talking to him?” You knew she was, she told you she was, Trent told you she was, Jude told Trent she was. She was in Madrid what felt like every other week and if she wasn’t he was flying her to wherever he was.

“No…” She lied poorly so you waited for the truth sipping her drink. Maybe it was better. “Fine, yeah but you think Jude Bellingham isn’t fucking other girls in Madrid?” She said with a bit of sarcasm. You gave her a soft smile. She could put on a good show that’s for sure, she was being herself, yeah, but you knew the glimmer in her eyes well that she really meant ‘how am I meant to know if the boy I like isn’t fucking other people.’

“I don’t know, does he think Lauren Young is fucking other guys in New York, Liverpool, London, and” You were going to name more cities recalling all the places she’d been lately. Your comment seemed judgmental but it wasn’t her bedroom life you cared about. You cared about how she she was feeling about a boy you knew pretty well. They didn’t have to label it if they didn’t want to but clearly they were veering towards dating.

“That’s not nice…” She flicked her eyes at you meanly. You stood up from your stool and walked around the island to her. This Lauren was the one that would always win. The one that really cared. She loved having sex, playing around with men, nothing wrong with that but to say she didn’t care at all about any of it wasn’t true. She liked him and he liked her.

“Sorry! Sorry!” You giggled. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” You hugged her and rested your head on her shoulder. “I just meant maybe you two should clear the air a little, be honest.” You emphasized with real sentiment. “but what do I know I'm a ‘mum.’” You quipped back at her.

“Y/N, don’t be like that! Lauren was just saying she wants to get dicked down whenever she wants by whoever she wants.” Winnie chimed in stopping your subtle jabs. They weren’t serious but she didn’t care listening to you two go tick for tat.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Lauren laughed cheersing Winnie’s glass. Lauren was keeping her and Jude’s monogamy pretty hush. So every time she traveled Winnie thought she was seeing other people, she wasn’t.

“And I don’t get dicked down?” You asked offended stepping back from them reverting the conversation back to yourself.

“I don’t know, what's all that like lately?” Winnie asked you, tracing the shape of Trent’s figure through the window. You started laughing. You and Trent had sex a lot considering his schedule and you had a one year old. Hell, you were waking up getting eaten out from behind. Winnie and Lauren watched you giggle and waited for you to answer impatiently.

“It’s really good. Really, really good.” You answered with a smug smile looking outside at Trent not at them.

“What’s annoying is you know it’s actually really good when she won't tell us. It’s when we yapp on and on about it. That’s when you know you’re actually trying to convince yourself the sex was good.” Lauren explained to Winnie.

“Lucky… So annoying, honestly.” Winnie quipped with an eye roll.

It was George’s birthday so you wanted to go, you really did, but logistically this was insane. George had invited some boys on this birthday trip to go to the United States, which Trent initially thought, given the location, that would somehow convince you but it didn’t. They were going all the way to Nevada for the Las Vegas Grand Prix. While that sounded amazing, it took almost half a day just to travel there. It was nice to include you, you didn’t expect to be but it was a relaxed trip, you’d gone on holiday with a lot of them before. This was just such a bad idea but Trent was hell bent. Yes, he would be mid season but if it meant you got to watch an F1 race he’d certainly find a way. It was late November and your baby was not your baby. She was 14 months and it felt like she was practically a teenager.

“Baby, I swear it’ll be so fun. Promise. George told me that Winnie should come as well. It won’t be just you and lads. Your parents can take Ted, please, baby.” He was begging you like he wanted to go to a party and you were his parent.

“T, I never said you couldn’t go!” You giggled massaging his muscular shoulders leaned over the back of the couch as he sat with Teddy. Her cute gaze looking up at you. You pressed a kiss to her lips before you kept talking. “Honestly, I just don’t think it makes sense for me to go to Las Vegas with a bunch of English boys.”

“It’s because we’re English?” His eyes narrowed at you in confusion and then he laughed. “That’s such a random bullshit lie Y/N. You’re just being lazy, come with me. Come have fun with me.” He begged you. You’d be lying if your mind didn’t immediately rush to the idea of having him alone in a hotel room for a few days. Just the way his arms were wrapped so strongly around your baby girl, how gentle his thumb moved over her cheek. You were jealous of Teddy right now, she always got his attention when he was home. Summer seemed ages ago already and you missed him, his time felt hard to come by.

“It’s not a lie, this is just a lad’s holiday in Las Vegas… Do you understand how that sounds? Like it's just a bunch of boys flying to Las Vegas… like casinos, strip clubs, I don't know what you're doing” You went to keep talking, explaining to him that ‘lads on tour’ is really only fun if you're one of the lads.

“Yeah, George, big into strip clubs, baby.” He teased you. You said it more as a description of Las Vegas not really thinking about what they were going to actually do. George definitely had rigid principles. A strip club just was not his vibe at all so to be fair the idea that it’d be something they’d do was pretty far out of the question. “You didn’t mind crashing the first time, look how that turned out… Made the most perfect girl in the whole world. Huh? Are you perfect, my baby bear?” Trent cooed in between pressing a million kisses onto Teddy. You could barely make out his words but you knew what he was saying. “C’mon baby. It'll be quick” He whined.

“It quite literally will not. It’s like a 10 hour flight, T.” You complained, squeezing his shoulder a little tighter cheekily. He winced at the tension you pinched his muscles with.

“See you’re already doing your math in your head. I know you’ve got half of your trip planned by the time I’m even finishing this sentence.” He teased. He joked with you that you often had your own mathematical system in your head. The way you processed things ahead of time. Really this mathematical system was just a form of anxiety he didn’t experience. It consisted of problem solving the likes of ‘if its an 8 hour time difference and a 10 hour flight, we’ll have to leave England on this date at this time, etc, etc, etc.’ It was exhausting and you were relieved that he thought it was endearing and not crazy.

When you landed in Las Vegas it was late and you went straight to the hotel. Your parents had kindly taken Teddy. You’d only be away from her for about 72 hours total and about one of the days would be spent traveling. Nevertheless, it made you so nervous. You really didn’t leave her overnight ever. You didn’t want to. It stressed you out but you had a lovely flight with Trent regardless. You collapsed into the hotel bed almost immediately upon arrival.

“What’s wrong, baby?” You giggled leaning into the pillows behind you. Trent laid on top of you entirely. His weight was crushing you but you didn’t mind. He sighed and he nuzzled into your neck.

“Baby, I miss her.” He muffled into your skin. You pouted hearing him. He was always honest with you, he just wasn’t always keen about letting himself be vulnerable but here he was. It just fell out. He really missed Teddy.

“Me too, T. It’s okay though. I’ll be with her soon.” You rubbed his back hoping to comfort him the best you could knowing you were going to see her and he was going straight back to work.

“I just am starting to feel bad like I’m already away from her so much and now I’m just tacking on days. I didn’t think about it this way and now I just miss my baby.” He spoke still muffled against you. “Sorry…” He unnecessarily apologized.

“It’s okay, baby.... You know you can tell me these things, T? I want to know. I understand. I miss her so much but she’ll be fine. Probably doesn’t even know what's going on. Will be back with mummy and daddy in no time.” You giggled thinking of your little girl.

“I feel like a bad dad. I’m so happy you’re connecting with her. Seeing you with her, I love it all, really, but I’m jealous. I’m getting nervous I’m away from her too much. Like it didn’t surprise me she said your name first. I knew it. I could feel it. As much as it’s all jokes, I'm starting to get worried.” You stroked up his spine once more before pausing. You felt horrible he felt that way. You understood he was definitely away from home more than you could have ever predicted. You never imagined seeing him so infrequently in and out of the house but that didn’t mean the time he was home with you and with Teddy wasn’t incredibly impactful. Trent loved his job more than anything in the world but you don’t think he ever anticipated what it’d feel like to have her. You pressed your lips to his hair and he just clung to you.

“You’re the best dad to her. I promise.” You whispered. Trent loved you, of course he did but you were an independent person. Teddy needed so much, she needed to learn and grow and feel and he hated that even though he was doing the thing that allowed her to have the life she does, he was missing so much of it. He fell asleep quietly, thoughts screaming. You stayed up just having a think inspecting every inch of his skin. Every divet, tan line, and freckle. It sounds ridiculous but you wanted to just see how human he was. With Trent, he just did things on another level. He was so good at… life. He was a great athlete, a great partner, a great son, he was everything and you loved him for all those incredible high points yet the moments where he wavered, the ones where he may have felt low, you really loved him for those. You selfishly wanted to know you took care of him, that he trusted you, that he felt safe with you. The moments when he wasn’t on the biggest stage. The confidence he showed learning how to be a dad was equally if not much more impressive than watching him walk out onto a pitch. He was everything to you and Teddy. You wanted to tell him for hours just ramble all the things you adored about him but you figured you’d let him sleep for now. You’d tell him in the morning and you did.

The circuit was hot. You got to the grid for qualifying the day before the race in Las Vegas and the weather was warm and it was packed with people. This was Trent’s element. As reserved as he could be he had an aura and charisma that drew people to him and made these types of events his domain. He was away from home. He could step out of his comfort zone a little so you pushed him to dress that way. You had met with a friend of yours who was a personal stylist a couple months ago. She had texted you when Prada’s new collection came into Selfridges. You were headed into Manchester to hopefully find something for Teddy’s birthday but ended up with a lot of bags for yourself and Trent including a pair of beige overalls, you were begging him to wear tomorrow. Overtime in your relationship, Trent just gave in to letting you dress him. It started slow trying to convince you he could rival the fits you pulled together but the fact of the matter is that you had done this for a living. You could strike a football as well but you wouldn’t try to tell him you could do it as a job.

“No, you do not understand.” You emphasized with a laugh trying to get him to comprehend just how good he really looked. You had dressed Trent in a white tee. He underestimated how good it was. You always remember seeing him pulling a similar white t-shirt over his head the first night you spent with him. It was seared into your brain. It was mouth watering. His tan was still lingering from summer. He got sent a pair of trousers from Adidas you approved and it looked almost too good. Too clean. As much as you had thought about what Trent would wear you didn’t really anticipate you would be attending this so your outfit really was an afterthought. You opted for an embroidered crop top you had picked up in your Selfridges haul and a khaki mini skirt paired with a Mui Mui green bag. You didn’t think too much about this but Trent told you you probably wouldn't go back to the hotel before dinner so you wanted to wear something that could work for your whole day.

After you visited one of the garages you walked through the paddock holding Trent’s hand. Winnie met up with you and you actually were having a really good time. The sun was out and it was just good vibes celebrating with George. You went up into a hospitality suite overlooking the track. Trent offered to get you drinks so you took him up on it. While he was waiting, a teammate of his came up behind him to say hello. Jadon Sancho played in the Bundesliga so he wasn’t in England during the year currently but you had met him maybe once or twice. He had a funny couple years between moving clubs and just coming back into form so he wasn’t around the international team much anymore but he and Trent were still tight. He and his friends had also managed to swing this trip.

“Nah, fiancé now bro. I haven’t spoken to you, you know. You go to Germany, we don’t hear from you.” Trent filled Jadon in on his life at the bar with a laugh. To be fair, keeping in touch got slightly difficult if they were both in season. You hadn’t shared the engagement on social media so unless you or Trent had let someone know directly they wouldn’t know.

“Yeah? She here?” Jadon asked as he leaned onto the bar top. Trent picked his head up to nod towards your direction for him to follow with his eyes.

“Yeah, mate. Her sister as well.” Trent confirmed. Jadon licked his lips gazing through the room. He eyed Winnie immediately. Trent's eyes narrowed, a little surprised by Jadon's response to looking at her then the light bulb in his head went off. He thought maybe this was his chance to finally give Winnie someone from his roster.

“You should come say hello.” Trent told him presenting the offer with feigned innocence. As if Jadon wanted to come say hi to you, which you're sure he would’ve done, he was lovely, but the hot single girl next to you was definitely a driving force. “You and your boys should come out with us tonight.” Jadon nodded as Trent picked up the two drinks for you and Winnie.

“Sound. Girls coming with you all night?” He asked and Trent just laughed squeezing his shoulder dragging him off the bar. Jadon and him caught up as they made their way through a crowded room.

“He’s cuteeeee” Winnie sang in your ear watching Trent talk to Jadon at the bar.

“I don't really know anything about him. They were friends before we met and then he moved so I don't know much.” You told her the honest truth. You didn’t know much about Jadon and the things you did know were mostly football related. ‘Good dribbler’ and ‘techy’ didn’t really help you get to know someone any better.

“I’d be interested in finding out more” Winnie cooed, squeezing your arm with a big smile on her face. You weren’t really watching her, you were watching Trent. The sun barrelled into the room through the glass windows and he just looked unreal. His high cheek bones catching the sun, his dark brown eyes lit with honey hues, you could see his annoyingly long eyelashes you were envious of from all the way where you were standing. Just the way he moved and walked was so hot. He unintentionally was driving you insane.

“He looks so fucking good, Win.” You moaned to her and he did… he looked sexy. She laughed a little at your desperation for someone you were engaged to. It’s not like you had to build the courage to go up and get his number, you had it already, you had his baby too. “Don’t make this something it’s not but I feel like he thinks of me as a mum now” you confided in Winnie.

“You are a mum.” She laughed so you rolled your eyes at her. You didn’t mean literally. It’s not like you weren’t having sex or either of you weren’t enjoying it. Trust you were. Sex was just in your bed more often than not now because you had a child so you werent exactly going to fuck on the kitchen counter. You had to be quiet, there were boundaries you needed to abide by. Seeing him right now though made you want to just pull him into a room and rip off all his clothes. You looked at Winnie as you spoke trying to make sure you articulated this correctly because you weren’t unhappy. You were horny.

“I kinda just wish he would blow my back out.” Your sentence was cut off when Trent came and interrupted. Winnie popped her lips into a smile hoping he didn’t catch the last bit of your sentence.

“Baby, you remember Sanch right?” Trent asked you. You smiled and turned towards Jadon. You gave him a hug,

“Yeah, yeah course” You leaned back adjusting the way the waistband of your skirt sat on your hips suddenly feeling very hot under Trent’s gaze. “You alright?” You asked, trying to act normal but you were distracted. You made quick work of the conversation and he was as nice and polite as you remembered but funny as well. You forgot. You forgot to tell Winnie he was funny. He asked about Teddy telling you you looked incredible for having a one year old. You rolled your eyes not believing him but you moved on. Trent began to introduce him to Winnie when Jadon turned his head towards her in acknowledgment with a smug look.

“Winnie.” She reintroduced herself talking over Trent. Winnie said her name in the most uppity way she could, sticking out her hand to shake his. Trent slid his hand around your waist and squeezed your side. You shook your head because you could see exactly what was unfolding in front of you. Trent proud of his handiwork although he really didn’t do anything, Winnie eager to finally meet a friend of Trent’s she might actually hit it off with, and Jadon naively or maybe willingly stepping into your sister’s trap. Winnie loved to be the object of desire, to be saved, honestly,so did you it was fun playing the damsel in distress sometimes. But Winnie wanted it to be done in a way that was nasty. Defile me type vibes so when she met a guy she was interested in she started her introduction with her nose high up in the air so when she was eventually on her knees for them it would be all the more thrilling. They’d feel like they conquered her, broke her down into this. Really, the whole time she was playing them, getting exactly what she wanted.

You watched the race qualifiers and then went out to dinner for George's birthday round one. This was a little more relaxed then what you had planned for tomorrow so Jadon and two of his friends joined in. There was a lot of tension at your end of the table. Winnie and you drinking and being probably too handsy. It was a steamy dinner but everyone made it out of the restaurant and to the club clothed. It was a hot club. Like you were actually warm. You were in a roped off area so you had space but the enclosed place filled with a lot of people still made you skin slightly slick. It smelt like perfume and sweat in a deliciously sweet way. It was loud in there too. You could feel the bass of the music in your chest. The house edits of Top 40 songs were blurring into one tedious beat. You watched on inconspicuously as Jadon and Winnie ‘talked.’ That's at least what she said she was going to do when she got up.

“I’ve heard good things about your sister from Trent” Jadon spoke in Winnie’s ear.

“Oh yeah?” Winnie asked in response, a little confused where he was going but also not at all. It wouldn’t exactly the first time someone spoke to Winnie about you on a night out. People would always ask for threesomes, get with her to get with you, all sorts of bullshit so she kind of rolled her eyes at it but listened anyway. She felt disappointed and all over the place because he seemed so nice so she didn’t think he’d try to mess about with you, especially considering the ring on your finger but she was drunk and so was he so what did she really know.

“Yeah. Heard she’s a good girl. Are you?” He whispered and his words dripped like honey. It sent a shiver down her spine. Winnie internally was screaming. This. This is what she wanted. The way his hand caressed her hip, slipping his thumb into the waistband of her trousers, his accent, the whole thing had her reeling in excitement but she presented cool and calm.

“Mmm no.” she replied after a minute of pretending to think. She pressed her drink to her lips hiding her curling lips.

“No?” Jadon questioned her with a smirk. It was so much fun riling a boy up and if he was hot, even better. Her body was on fire under his touch. “I think I can make you a good girl f’me though. What’d you think?” He kept talking. His words had her in a trance, his hands on her body had her possessed.

“Would you rather I be good or bad for you when you take me home?” She whispered, dropping her drink to her side to hold it by her side. Jadon bit his lip and narrowed his gaze getting more and more entangled with her. Winnie was a lot braver than you. Her forwardness being one of the ways in which she was but it also got her exactly what she wanted.

You laughed imagining what their conversation was like. Their words and accents colliding making the perfect mess. Winnie’s valley girl american slang trying to converse with Jadon from South London was just jokes but you couldn't imagine the direction their conversation had taken or maybe you could but in anycase watching two people meet for the first time, touch for the first time, make advances, Jadon's hand creeping up Winnie’s bare waist had you tense.

“Hi” you giggled, turning around to look at Trent. You were sitting on his lap at a small table, you didn’t need to greet him but you wanted his attention. Winnie had gotten what she wanted and you were envious. You had been wanting Trent.

“You okay? You want to go?” You hated that he jumped there first. You wanted his hand to slide up on your leg not take you home. The fizz that was sparkling away in you went flat. You were focused on his dominant hand holding his drink resting on top of your thigh, the wet bottom of the glass running down the inside of your leg some. You’d not paid any attention to the one he had just managed to sneak under your skirt. He grazed over your covered core with his fingers. You bit your lip knowing better than to make a noise or react. You suddenly lost your breath and any thought in your head. He readjusted in his seat underneath you purposefully pushing his hips up into you. The club was loud but you had to still fight back a moan. “You still want your back blown out?” He whispered into your ear. The warmth of his breath on the shell of your ear and the feeling of his soft lips grazing over it had you weak. You stiffened. You were mortified he had heard you earlier today and then suddenly not at all, excitement washing over you. You leaned your head back onto him. You hummed a confirmation interested in what he had to offer seeing as he knew now.

“You’re gonna do what I say, alright?” He continued whispering to you in a low sexy tone quietly just for you to hear. You hummed once more feeling his fingers press tight circles over your covered clit in the most discreet way. You stared straight ahead looking at nothing in particular trying to be nonchalant. “Go to the bathroom and start…” That's all he said.

“What…?” You genuinely didn’t understand. He gripped you a little tighter with his other hand signaling to you he was serious about what he was saying.

“I want you to go to the bathroom and I want you to play with this pussy till I get there.” His words made your whole body feel numb. His commanding tone had you dizzy. What was going on?

“Are you serious?” You attempted a whispered back, completely shocked. The feeling of his lips peeling and pressing onto the skin of your neck was hypnotizing. You could barely focus but you heard him hum the same way you had before confirming that it was exactly what he wanted. Clearly Trent had been feeling the same way you had and was taking matters into his own hands. That said, you were out with friends, you were parents now, you were in public. Was he really asking for you to go do this? That wasn’t really the crazy part though it was the fact that you were actually going to go and do it for him.

“Video it.” He continued to instruct you. “Send it to me and I’ll decide if you’re ready for me to come and blow your back out” His words alone had you dripping. Your jaw slacked a little. Honestly, you’d done far too many inappropriate things with him but every. single. time. it just made your heart race and your pussy pulse. He was so hot and you were going to do whatever he wanted you to. You stood and he helped you up but practically pushed you off eager for you to get going. You didn’t turn back to look at him. You ‘dropped’ your phone instead and bent over to pick it up. You leaned over putting yourself on full display to him. The black thong you had on not covering any of you. Your ass in his face. You stood back up and adjusted your skirt but flashed him a little bit more of your asscheek one more time. He shut his eyes softly, shaking his head with a smirk on his face. He loved this. He loved you. You peered over your shoulder to make sure he was watching and walked off.

When Trent got a text from you he'd never been more excited. He could feel all the blood rush to his cock. The second you sat down on his lap at the club he was trying not to think about fucking you but right now it was the only thing he wanted to think about. He leaned back in his seat so only he could see his screen. There you were sitting on the counter of the restroom, legs open for him teasing your clit. You were wet. You had a hard time getting started but the idea of him watching in front of everyone and having to behave until he got to you was setting your desire for him a blaze. You wanted him to come and blow your back out badly.

“Just gonna go make sure she’s okay.” Trent tapped George on the knee letting him know. It was more of a ‘don’t look for me’ type thing then a ‘I’m worried’ type of notification though.

“Yeah mate, all good.” George answered him watching him puff out a bit of air gearing up for you. George smirked. Obviously, you were just fine. Trent knocked on the door and you hopped off the sink completely giddy but almost dizzy. God, you had really worked yourself up. You opened the door slightly and leaned your head against it to peak out. You couldn’t not smile seeing the cheeky eager grin on his face.

‘So dirty f’me, baby. Getting off at a club” He teased you as he pulled your bottom lip with his hand. You stepped back into the room and he closed the door. His free hand reaching behind him to lock it.

“Stop!” You whined desperately. “I need you and I want you, T” You dragged your hands desperately down his chest playing with the waistband of his trousers immediately. You were like an enigma to Trent sometimes, you were so strong willed, knew exactly what you wanted and yet you were so submissive. He loved it and ate every bit of it up.

“I know you do and you didn’t tell me. Gotta tell me, pretty girl. How am I meant to know?” He said in a smug voice. He grabbed your hips and pushed you back towards the sink. He slowly moved his hands up your body grazing his thumbs over your recently reclaimed toned stomach.

“You always know when I need you, please.” You begged him. He brushed the underside of your boobs and you moaned. He smiled and looked at you with his big brown eyes. You were a goner tonight. He slid his hands back down your stomach away from your boobs, over your hips, and kneaded your ass.

“So fucking beautiful, yeah?” He hummed bringing his lips to your neck. He began to leave wet harsh kisses, nibbling at your most sensitive area. “So fucking sexy. Just for me.” He wasn’t asking, he was telling you and he was right. He continued moving his hands behind your thighs and lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around the waist the way you’d been fantasizing about all day. He placed you back onto the counter but not too far back, a little towards the edge, just where he needed you.The hem of your skirt pushed up and he slid his hands up your thighs.

“So I did a good job then?” You asked eager to know his review of the video. Hi fingers ghosted over your wet pussy. You were dreaming of how good his would’ve felt as opposed to yours.

“Don’t know, what do you think? You tell me what you like more. Do you like when you do it or..” he dragged his words before he paused. You felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. Or what? You needed him to move faster. You could feel your wetness on the counter beneath you. He was so devastatingly beautiful staring back at your smug as can be. He knew the answer before he even started.

“Baby…” you moaned quietly and desperately. He dragged two of his fingers down the inside of your thigh then back up towards your core. It was torturously slow. He finally gave into you and ran his fingers through your pussy, your slick coating his fingers. You slid your hands up his chest and pulled at his shirt to bring him closer to you for a kiss. You couldn’t fight back a whisper though, feeling his fingers finally dip inside. He pulled away from your kiss with a smug smile.

“Where?” he asked ambiguously. You were not in a head space to be able to read his mind right now.

“Oh fuck, that feel so good!” You whined. He stopped his movements suddenly though and you wanted to cry but he looked at you with intent telling you to answer the question. You figured it out. You guessed, but you were right. “In my pocket.” you breathed heavily trying to move a little to get him to continue. He took his free hand and reached into the pocket of your skirt and pulled out the tiny black thong you’d been wearing. He just tucked it away into his own pocket and swiftly moved on. Sometimes Trent was even too cool, too calm, and too ahead of the game for you to even keep up. His fingers began to work you up again. He went slow at first curling his digits into the place you loved for them to be and then up to a blistering pace. You were soaking wet, in a more conscious state you probably would've been concerned you would slide off the counter top but at the moment Trent’s frame pushing you back and his legs keeping yours open was all you needed You felt that familiar knot in your stomach form. You shut your eyes overwhelmed by the pleasure. The knot snapped swiftly before you could tell him. Your pussy pulsating around his fingers. You released and a sensation of pleasure washed over you.

“What'd you think, baby? Who makes you feel better, huh?” Trent loved being praised and praise he deserved. You had a hard time coming back down to earth. Your chest was heaving, you could feel a bead of sweat run down your neck.

“You, baby. Oh my god, definitely you.” You giggled out of breath leaning back against the bathroom mirror with a tired smile.

“What I thought. I always take care of you don’t I?” You nodded as he dragged his thumb over your core again gathering your slick between your legs before he parted your lips a little more to swipe over your clit slowly. His touch sent a shiver up your spine, pushing out a soft moan. “Just gotta ask me, baby then you wouldn’t ever have to touch yourself like that. Hmm? Tell me what you were thinking about touching yourself?” You gripped his strong biceps urgently as he started to move his finger faster and harder on your clit.

“You, T.” you whined. He smirked back at you proud. Your pussy began to throb oversensative and desperate for more of him. “Fuck! I’m gonna cum, baby. Oh my god, I’m gonna cum.” Your jaw slacked as you convulsed. You felt like you were going to pass out.

“There we go, baby. Think you’re ready now.” He pulled you off the counter onto wobbly legs but he held you steady. “You still want me?” He asked gently, you nodded still coming down from your orgasms, so he turned you to face the mirror tenderly. You bent over for him. He didn’t need to ask. This is all you’d been thinking about. He traced your spine with one of his fingers. Just his touch made goosebumps rise on your skin. His hand reached around you and wrapped around your throat which made you gasp. He pulled you back to him so you were standing against him. You could see yourself pressed against him in his strong hold in the mirror.

“Trent…” you whimpered with barely any air left in your throat. The lack of oxygen made you felt dizzy and you loved it. His lips all over your neck. You pushed your ass back into him. He smacked your ass cheek and you let out a delicious moan for him. You jolted further forward on the countertop arching your back more. He pumped himself a few times before he pressed his tip leaking pre cum against your clit. He was slow despite your eagerness. He grazed over your hole teasingly before he sank in.

“This what you wanted, beautiful?” He asked as he began to move in and out of you. Your brain was in a complete fog. You had no other thoughts other than the ones about him. You moaned yes what felt like a thousand times loving every second his cock filled you. You felt one of his hands let go of your hip. Trent reached into his pocket and pulled out your panties. He seamlessly grabbed one of your wrists and pinned it behind your back and then the other. You rested your cheek against the mirror. It was the only way you could support yourself as he continued to thrust into you. He wrapped and twisted the lace material tight around your wrists and held them back against your hot skin. Your mouth parted, overwhelmed by what he was doing. Your eyes rolled back when he began to hit deeper inside of you with new leverage. “C’mon, answer pretty girl ” he asked harshly. You were too fucked out to care but it was probably a good thing the music was so loud in the club so no one could hear the lewd noises you and your skin slapping was creating. You could barely answer him, too focused on the feeling of him. He lifted one of his legs to your side to fuck you from a different angle and your mind went blank. His cock hit your gspot in a way that had you crumbling all over again. He slowed and pulled out of you. He turned you around and lifted you up back onto the counter in one swift sequence.

“That was so good. More, baby” you requested. “Want your cum inside of me.” Your eyelids felt so heavy. You smiled at him incredibly turned on. He looked at you and thought he could cum just from the beautiful lustful expression on your face. You pulled him into you and kissed down his neck. You sucked on his sensitive skin disregarding your better judgment. You didn't leave marks on him too often and definitely not in places people could see during the season. He didn’t stop you though. You bit into his skin desperately leaving behind markings. Souvenirs he could take home from your trip. He let out a breathy moan before he couldn’t wait any longer, he plunged back into you. He stretched your soaked pussy out so perfectly. He thrusted in and out of you again and again. You were in your own world. Nothing else but each other existed right now and it felt like that. You were completely intoxicated by the other. The way you sounded, the way you felt, the way you looked, it was hard to last any longer than you had without cumming again.

“I’m gonna cum.” You moaned desperately, feeling his hand drop in between your bodies and begin circling your throbbing clit. Your whines now matching the rhythm of his thrusts. Your lips stuck parted as he fucked you into another orgasm.

“Cum f’me, baby.” he grunted just about to reach his own high. He kissed your shoulder and bit down when he felt you clench around his cock. “Be a good girl f’me. Cum.” He demanded as you made a mess on his length. You clung to him tighter then before wrapping your legs around him so he couldn’t pull away. Your vision went a little blurry when you felt his warm cum pumped deep inside of you. His hands pulled your trembling slightly sweaty body in the softest way completely flush against him. He kissed you everywhere he could. “Did such a good job baby…” He whispered out of breath as he stilled before pulling out. His fingers pushed his cum back into your sensitive pussy.

“I love you so much, T.” you smiled shyly looking up at him. You grabbed his hand with yours and brought it to your lips. You gently kissed over his knuckles. He laughed seeing your thong still wrapped around your one wrist loosely now.

“I love you. So good f’me.” He cooed. You kissed his lips before he stopped you from trying to unravel your panties. He took them from you and pocketed them again. “We’ll use them later… promise.” he winked at you and your heart faltered with excitement as he helped you off the sink with a giggle.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 15 xx

[justsomegdude]

Pass the time.

Leader!Negan x Alexandria!Gn!Reader

summary: Negan visits alexandria for his weekly supply and decides to flirt with y/n to pass the time.

warning: Negan is a warning in himself, sexual tension!

A/N: Who knows i might make a part two to this. i wrote all of this today because i felt bad that i hadn’t posted since last month!

The weeks seem to just play on repeat when Negan comes to visit. He pesters Rick, Gets his men to get the supplies, Sometimes dealing with conflict depending on what happens in the day. As the familiar sounds of trucks come into earshot, Alexandria’s residents went silent and most went inside houses instantly, The kids rounded up by their parents and forced inside too.

You stopped caring about hiding from Negan weeks ago now, before anytime you saw his face you would remember the ones who you lost by his hands, rather by his ‘most precious lucille’s’ hands. Now? You don’t think about what you’ve lost by him, instead about what you could still lose. You’re close to Rick and his family since you’ve been in his group for years now. So you always make sure Carl and Judith aren’t in harms way.

The gates were opened by spencer, to allow Negan and his men to step foot inside. Familiar whistle ringing through your ears, you turn away to stay on the porch of the house you were gratefully allowed to stay in. If someone needed you, they’d come to find you. You watched Negans men start spreading out into a few groups going to the only places they really take from now, The pantry being the most common. Although it is rare for them to venture into the infirmary, weaponry, or houses, they’ll do it every so often.

Your eyes connected with Negans accidentally. You groan to yourself that he was most likely watching you for a minute before you noticed. Now you wish you’d just stay inside, hoping that he wouldn’t come up. Your prayer was answered and somehow, Negan didn’t come up to you. Instead he strutted over to the pantry along with Rick close but clearly at distance. Sometime you wonder how Negan took Rick by the balls and twisted him into submission.

He used to never be anything but the leader since you met him at the farm. When he was diffusing conflict, helping hershel, beth, maggie, even me. Or how he had killed Shane the night the barn was burned down.. He was always meant to be a leader, so how Negan took control of Rick, it was scary in a way.

You didn’t even realize you started day dreaming until you heard noises, loud noises, from over at the pantry. Instantly standing up to get a good view, Negan seemed to be upset at Olivia, that poor girl. A slow pace towards the pantry to see what’s happening.

“Why can’t you do your job right?” Negans voice spoke menacingly as he leaned in, more so over, Olivia to scare her. Rick was seen near Olivia trying to get Negan to calm down. “Rick, you should really consider a new manager of the food around here, clearly she doesn’t take enough responsibility!”

Your eyebrows furrowed, quickening your pace a little so you were a few feet away from Negan, and Rick. “What’s happening?” You spoke.

Negan turned on his heels towards you. “Little miss manager-of-food, over here didn’t count her supplies correctly!” He said fast, looking back at Rick, then Olivia. “You’re lucky i’m feeling generous today, or else i’d do something physical about this.” Negan seemed more frustrated rather than angry, of course he didn’t care if there was a missing can, he just hated how often people around here wouldn’t do their jobs correctly. “I’m taking an extra can for this… waste of time.” Negan snapped and his men were instantly on it and grabbed an extra can, along with the others already taken and left in a hurry towards the trucks.

You hated this little game Negan played at, his boundaries were but also weren’t set. You wanted to speak up, tell him off, but of course you knew better.

“I’ll be taking a trip to the infirmary next week. If the person who works there, messes up, someone will die.” Negan spoke firmly and with that turned on his heels and walked towards his trucks. Your eyes connect with Ricks, and then you looked at Olivia.

Rick was the next to leave towards the gate, probably the one to close it behind the saviors today. Olivia was crying, she was so sensitive you felt bad for her. “Olivia…” You said her name quietly and went over to put your hand on her shoulder. “It’s just Negan being Negan, you don’t have to cry over it..” You put on the best reassuring voice you could. Olivia nodded and wiped her tears.

“I swear i counted correctly this time..” Olivia’s voice was cracking, and soft. She meant it, and you felt bad for her.

“Hey it’s—“ you were cutoff by someone yelling your name. “Sorry Olivia gotta check on what that’s about-“ With that you left with a quick pace towards the yell, the main gate.

“Y/N!” Yelled again, now closer you knew the root of the noise. Rick. Now jobbing over towards Rick. The gate was closed and the trucks were gone, the saviors already left. “y/n.” He spoke lowly. “We got a team heading out in a few hours for a supply run nearby, i’m going with. I need you to stay with Carl and Judith for me, okay?” Rick smiled. This wasn’t a reason to yell your name, so you softly shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose. “I didn’t know if you were still at the pantry or not, sorry if it seemed like i was in need.”

With a sigh you looked back up at Rick. “Yeah i can watch them. Come find me next time, thought i was in trouble or someone else was.” He nodded in understanding. “I gotta get to the infirmary, check on those supplies for next week’s visit from Negan, come by when you’re leaving so i can head over.

~~

As you sat down in your chair at the infirmary, checking over supplies. You weren’t like Olivia, you’d triple check everything even when one thing is added to the supply, you’ll check everything again. It was one of the things to cure your boredom or when, cases like this, happen. Your feet propped up on your desk while there was a box in your lap. You organize everything about twice a week now. It was just a way to pass time. Sitting at your desk for hours now, you lost track of time until there was a knock at your door, writing down the count you had, and then separating the counted vs uncounted so you could finish later.

“y/n?” Rick voice was heard as you walked towards the door. The door creaked while you opened it. “Hey! We’re getting ready to leave in a few minutes here, you got-“ You cut him off.

“Watch over Carl and Judith, yep!” You smiled, and grabbed your notebook from your desk. “I’ll head over now.” Ricks hand went to your shoulder.

“Thanks y/n, i know i can count on you.” Rick spoke, leaving shortly before you did.

~~

Over the week, since Negans visit, you’ve checked the infirmary multiple times. You didn’t want to lose anyone. Negans patterns on showing up varied, sometimes he’ll show up days early, or days later. Shocking enough, he visited exactly a week from lasts visit. He had to mean business on what he said with the stock. Quickly making your way to the infirmary, to avoid them going through it without you.

Once inside the infirmary, and since you already checked the stock many.. many times, you sat on your desk and were just doodling in your notebook. You kept that notebook on you almost all the time, there were doodles and sayings, but you also kept things special to you written in it, people’s names, items from your childhood, it was just a reminder for yourself that there are good things to think about in this new world.

You heard a knock at the door, assuming it was Rick you just said, “Come in.”, still doodling in your book. Once the door opened the footsteps that followed were heavier than Ricks. Your eyes shot up and instantly connected with the man just a few feet from you. Negan. “oh, i thought-“ You started but it would sound dumb so you didn’t finish. Closing your notebook and setting it aside.

“You thought..?” Negans eyebrows raise as he takes a slow, dragging, walk over to you. Intimidation tactic that didn’t quite work on you.

“I thought you were Rick.” You spoke truthfully, you didn’t have a reason to lie, but you did have a reason not to tell him. He nodded and leaned against your desk.

There was an uncomfortable silence. How to stop it, not sure. You felt him staring so you looked up at him. connecting with his hazel eyes, that you damned yourself for realizing the color of. “So Ricky the Pricky got you doing infirmary work?” Negans voice filled up the silence, you couldn’t tell if silence or his voice were worse.

“I enjoy it, and am probably the only one to actually know what they’re doing.. so yeah?” You said back, finally forcing your eyes out the window instead of at him.

Your peripheral though, kept him in view. you saw his face rise up and you glanced at him. he was smirking. Knowing a stupid remark was coming. “Are you calm around me, or are you just the shy type?” That wasn’t that you expected of him.

“What?” Your eyebrows stitch together as you looked back at him, this time his eyes trained on the floor.

He clicked his tongue before talking again. “most people here, would be glaring up a storm. talking me out of being in the same room as them.“ He finally met your eyes. He was smiling, his stupid usual smile. “Hell, some would flip me the bird by now. Not you, why?” He was one for always keeping eye contact, so you did too.

You took a little longer to answer, thinking of an appropriate response. “I don’t know.” You shrugged. What were you supposed to say? The reason people cower away is because well.. they’re cowards. You’ve been put in situation and Negan, as intimidating as he is to eveyrone, doesn’t intimidate you. “Why should i be scared, when all you’re doing is sitting… well leaning, next to me.” Was all the reason you could muster up.

This made Negan let out a laugh. “Honestly i’d get upset if you were scared of me.. you’re such a pretty (girl/boy) I mean, why would i want someone like you scared of me?” He flirted, you don’t know if it was to purposely make you uncomfortable, or just him being bored, hell maybe he just wanted to flirt with you. you didn’t know. Finally breaking eye contact to look down. “Ah, did i strike a little sensitive spot? can’t handle being complimented?” Negan was talking in a way that made you feel like you were being made fun of. He was just playing his game, this wasn’t anything to do with you in specific.

Your view was set onto the floor under your feet. Not looking back up at him. You didn’t want to reply until he took a gentle grasp of your jaw and made you look at him. “Don’t get all shy now.” His voice was low and raspy, purposely sending a shiver down your spine. He kept his firm grip, and stared into your eyes.

“I..” you started quietly, you don’t know what to say. “It was just..” You paused, not knowing how to word it. “I just don’t get compliments a lot, and it’s weird coming from you..” You spoke truthfully.

He hummed quietly, nodding. Still not letting go of your jaw. He wanted you to look at him. “You’re trembling.” He smirked, you didn’t even realize but when you did your mouth opened to say something, but Negan being faster. “I bet i could get you wrapped around my finger if i tried. Compliment you more.” His smirk increased as he leaned in. it was only teasing.. he’d never actually kiss you.

“Negan..” You whispered his name. He shushed you, his hand moving from grasping your jaw into pinching your chin in between his pointer and thumb. He lifted your head up a little.

Negan moved his body to standing before you, his grip still just as firm. Subconsciously your legs separated as you leaned back just a little, a way to get further away from him. He took this as an invitation, stepping in between your legs. His hand went to the table right next to your hip, leaning over you now.

“Do i scare you y/n y/l/n?” Negan spoke. Your breathing quickened. Maybe you were uncomfortable, or maybe you somehow found this attractive. He leaned over just a little more, his thighs rubbing against yours a bit.

Negan licked his lips. “No.. of course not.” You spoke, less firm than you wanted too. “I’m just…” You actually didn’t know what to say.

Negans hand slid from the table onto your thigh. His eyes went to his own hand before back to your eyes. “so if you’re not scared.. why is your breath heavy?” He smirked, knowing how he affected you.

Your eyes went to his arm, since his hand was still on your chin you couldn’t quite look completely at where his hand laid. Negan finally let go of your chin. No response from you.

���Speak when spoken to.” He spoke, you leaned up to sit a little more comfortably, even though getting closer to Negan. His thumb rubbed your thigh, made you even more speechless.

“I’m.. awkward, under the circumstances.” you whispered, you watched his thumb rub at your thigh. “Why are you doing this..?” You tilted your head.

He leaned closer now your lips only a few inches apart. “Because you’re letting me.” His gripped your thigh now instead of rubbing it. No one’s touched you like this and you didn’t know how to react. “Can i kiss you?” His voice was quiet, his eyes weren’t looking away from your lips.

You didn’t know, you wanted it but remembering who he was your hand went to his chest and gently pushed him back. “This is a bad idea.” Negan only smirked at your response. His hand stoped holding your thigh, grabbing the bottles of medicine and stepping back.

“Well i hope to see you around y/n. Keep me and what i just did in your thoughts.” He winked, leaving the infirmary. Instant regret with how you just rejected something that you most definitely wanted. You damned yourself for being scared.

tag list :)!!

@pinchofhoney / @starstruck-loner

[pretty-red-garnet]

Angel

Daryl Dixon x Fem! Reader • France • Light Angst/Fluff

!Spoilers! For The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon episode one! Don’t read this if you haven’t watched yet! Also, thank you so much to the anon who requested this. I had a lot of fun writing it.

PS: Ignore the canon divergence lol.

Heavy limbs is all Daryl feels as he begins to become conscious again. He's huddled on an overturned boat, his frozen fingers gripping your waist to keep you afloat with him. It seems even unconscious, he's always thinking of you and your safety before anything.

The coast is close, and he fights against his droopy eyes to look towards you. Your eyes are still closed, and he panics and swats at you to wake you. When you do, your groggy too, glazed over eyes looking towards his.

"We gotta get to the coast," Daryl tells you, his voice rough with thirst. You nod, still disoriented, but he appreciates that you don't fight him when he lugs you off the boat and drags you towards shore.

You and Daryl crawl on the sand, fingers ripping into the sand in an effort to ground yourselves. Sand sticks to the icy water soaking the two of you. Daryl spots a little sand bucket full of water ahead, and rushes to it. After a single eager gulp, he hurriedly hands it off to you. He watches the water drip down your chin, giving himself just a moment to relish in the fact that you're ok and breathing.

You and him had gotten in quite a bit of trouble since venturing off in an effort to find his brother. It ended in getting taken aboard a huge boat and— thankfully— escaping on a much smaller paddle boat. And now your landed on an unfamiliar shore.

"Where do you think we are?" You ask, breaths still heavy and fast. Daryl shrugs, leaning back onto his hand and grabbing the bucket when you offer it.

After a quick moments rest, you and your partner are back on your feet. You both wander the area, looking around for any sign of where you could be. The town you end up in is small. Buildings surrounded by the sea. It looked like it would've been a spot out of a travel pamphlet from before.

"Y/N," Daryl suddenly says, looking towards a sign. You step next to him, eyeing the sign to try and read the words through the age and decay.

"Is that..." you start, examining the unfamiliar language. "French?"

You and Daryl both look towards each other, both having an expression that could only be described as exhaustion. It seemed to Daryl that you and him just couldn't catch a damn break. How the hell would he get you home?

"Looks like we're not in Kansas anymore," you say, deadpan. Daryl's frown deepens and gives you a halfhearted thwack on the shoulder for you ill-timed joke. "Tough crowd."

You and Daryl spend that night in a little fishing boat. It's long abandoned, dirt and dust covering every surface, but it gives some cover from the biting wind. After eating a fish Daryl caught, you both huddle together under layers of blankets on a little cot. You're wrapped around him and despite the exhaustion that drapes over you, you still can't sleep.

"Judith would like that," you mumble. Daryl follows your eyes and sees you gazing at the penguin plush. "She's never seen a penguin. Well, just in books."

Your voice is quiet, thoughtful. Daryl knows what your thinking about, he's good at that now. After so many years with a person, you can almost read their mind. And Daryl knows that you're missing Jude and RJ, especially after listening to that tape. That you're thinking about the childhood they're missing out on, about trips to the zoo and seeing penguins, begging their parents to buy them an overpriced souvenir. The childhood they should have.

The childhood you and Daryl are missing out watching.

"We'll have to bring it back for them," he says. You don't say anything back. "I'm gonna get you home, alright?"

You tilt your head to look in his eyes. Daryl hates that he sees fear and worry in yours. He tries to ebb it away with gentle caresses.

"I'm gonna get you home," he repeats, firmer and while looking you in the eye. You relent, nodding and smiling softly at him, and he leans to brush your lips against his in a silent promise.

It seems the bad luck that hangs over you and Daryl like a dark storm cloud isn't planning on dissipating anytime soon. You and Daryl venture deeper into the city and stumble upon a big abandoned building.

     "Maybe I should've taken French in high school," you murmur, eyes squinting at the unrecognizable words written on a sign outside of the building. Daryl just shrugs, and carefully begins to enter the building.

     It ends up being filled with walkers. Guttural groans and decomposed flesh surrounds you and Daryl. You and Daryl are taking care of your own groups, dividing and— hopefully— conquering.

     "Daryl!" You screech out, the sound of a body dropping following. "These are not normal walkers!"

     Daryl looks at the dead walkers and sees what you mean. Something leaking from them is burning the ground. Acid.

     It's not a second later Daryl is grabbed roughly, acidic fingers clamping down on his forearm. He lets out a yelp in pain, one that makes you kill your batch of walkers in half the time with the help of the extra adrenaline. Daryl sees you in the corner of his eye rushing towards him after he's able to pry the walker's hand off his arm.

     "Oh my God," you say, breathlessly staring at the burned hand print on his arm. Your fingers shake violently as they move to touch him, before they move away again. You look up at Daryl, his face pinched in pain. Tears collect at the corners of your eyes.

     Daryl's heart clenches in his chest at the sight of you, nervous and scared. Teary eyes and trembling like a leave. He reaches up to lightly dab at a few stray tears that leaked from your eyes, shaking his head.

     "I'm fine," he says, slowly and quietly. "Just a burn, I'm not infected or nothin'." His fingers now stroke your hair, trying to get that terrified look out of your eyes. "It's somethin' on the walkers, it's not a scratch or bite. 'M fine."

     You nod, and throw your arms around his waist. He hugs back without a thought, hiding a wince when your coat brushes against his wound. He doesn't mind, he'll take the pain if it means your arms are around him, holding him so tight he's afraid he'll lose feeling in his legs any second. Your face is buried in his chest, and he leaves little kisses on the crown of your head.

     When you finally pry yourself away, you're quick to pull a bandage out of your bag. Forcing Daryl to sit, you tentatively wrap the bandage around his arm. You place a sweet kiss on the outskirts of his bandage when you're done, smiling at Daryl when he huffs out an amused snort.

     You were always like that. Kind, and attentive. Always putting him and your family ahead of yourself. It was something that Daryl fell in love with first all those years ago. Although it tends to worry and annoy him on occasion.

     "I'm gonna be fine, alright?" Daryl reassures when he sees the worry isn't completely washed away from your face. You nod, lacing your fingers with his and leading him out of the building.

     Just when it seems the day couldn't get worse, it does. You and Daryl find a girl with her father, and thankfully she knows enough english for a trade. A little med kit for some apples and rabbit.

     What at first seems like the first score of the day ends in Daryl and his partner sprawled out on the damp ground. Both have matching knots on the side of their heads and Daryl a gunshot wound, yet both look and reach out towards each other. Daryl's eyes slip close before he can help it.

Daryl wakes to a start. His limbs and eyes are heavy, and he hears a woman talking— chanting?— in French. His eyes are blurry, but he's pretty sure he's looking at nuns surrounding him, one of them— the one that's speaking— has a heated fire poker, so hot the tip is a bright orange.

He yelps and shouts, trying to break free from the women's grip, but between being outnumbered, in pain, and exhausted, he doesn't move much. Daryl's eyes fly around the room in a panic, trying to catch sight of you, but there's no such thing. Once the molten poker hits his skin, the pain blinds him and he's out again.

Daryl wakes again much later. Maybe hours, maybe days later, he's not sure. He spots a nun pouring water from a basin in a large tub. Despite his body not functioning up to speed, he sits up anyway. At that moment, she turns towards him.

"You feeling better?" She asks, a foreign accent marking her words.

"Where is she?" He grumbles out, voice like sandpaper. "Y/N, where is she?"

"She's in another room, eating. She came to see you, you were still sleeping," she explains. "I'm Isabelle."

Isabelle explains the situation to Daryl. How the cauterization to prevent the spread of infection from that acidic walker, where he was, and how you were, all while removing the bandage on his arm. She makes some other conversation, but Daryl is mostly quiet, too busy with thoughts of you. However, Daryl isn't panicked, just concerned.

He doesn't feel the woman or any nuns at the abby had ill intent. They could've just left you both to die, but they didn't. Instead taking total strangers back to their home. Daryl does just want to see you. To make absolute sure you're safe and alright.

After Isabelle leaves, he takes her up on her offer of a bath. He can see the steam from here, and after the freezing cold ocean water from the other day, he needs it. He also doesn't need you worrying about his wound, so keeping it clean was a good first step.

He makes it quick and hasty, already out with a towel when Isabelle enters with clean clothes. Daryl feels a little exposed, only dressed with a towel, but Isabelle is quick to exit once she gives him the clean clothes.

Daryl hurries out the door once he's dressed. He doesn't really know where he's going, but he follows the noise of chatter. He peeks his head in the room he hears the most noise and spots you, talking with a couple of the nuns and eating soup.

"Hey, Angel," you say, dropping your spoon in your soup when he makes his presence known. You stand, placing your hand on his cheek and pressing a sweet kiss to the side of his mouth.

"You alright?" Daryl asks, tentatively touching the bruise on your temple. You nod, smiling when you kiss his wrist.

"Isabelle said your arm looks good." You sit down and Daryl follows suit. One of the women places a bowl in front of him, and he's quick to dig in and slurp up his soup.

     "Told you, 'm fine."

     "I know, but if I don't worry about you, who will?"

     Isabelle gives you and Daryl a tour of the convent. She introduces Laurent to you both and explained the miracle of his birth, how he's special. Daryl scoffed, but he could tell you were a little intrigued with Isabelle's plan of getting him to a better place. Somewhere safer and where he could be happier.

     Daryl would've flat out refused if it weren't for you. You convinced him to help out the women on their journey. Isabelle promised she'd help get you and Daryl back home, or at least access to a radio. It didn't seem very promising, but one look at you and he folded.

     You always called him your angel, but in truth, you're the real angel.

After all the introductions and outlining the plan of getting Laurent to wherever he needs to be, it's dinner time. Laurent was a strange kid. He liked to talk and sometimes he'd get all philosophical and ask Daryl deep questions. His odd questions and badgering took up most of the day. You mostly just giggled at Daryl and his usually half-assed answers.

At dinner, the other nuns regard Daryl nervously. You had quietly joked to him that's it's his 'intimidating energy,' as you called it.

"But don't worry, I find it really hot," you had said in a whisper while the nuns set the table. Daryl blushed and moved to hide his face from you, which just made you giggle.

The only ones that speak English are Isabelle, Laurent, and another nun named Sylvie. The three translated any conversation between you, Daryl, and the other women. It was mostly them asking questions to learn about you and Daryl.

"She wants to know how long you two have been married," Isabelle asks, translating a question from the oldest nun, Mother Superior.

"Oh," you had said, stumbling a little. Daryl could feel heat flush his cheeks and ears. "We're not married."

Sylvie and a few of the other women had made a slightly surprised face, and Mother Superior looked just aghast when Isabelle translated.

"Don't you two live together?" Laurent asks, ever on top of things. "And haven't you been together for years?"

"Yeah..." you say with a shrug. "Guess we just never thought to."

"There even a point?" Daryl asks. "No courts, no paper to sign."

It seemed nobody had to translate for the oldest nun this time. Maybe it was his tone or nonchalant shrug while he said it, but it seemed she got the point. She made a noise of astonishment, shook her head while muttering a player and making the motion of a cross. Daryl honestly thought it was a little comical, never did he think he'd be discussing marriage with a bunch of nuns, in an abby, in France no less.

"It's about taking a vow in front of God," Sylvie says. "A show that you love each other and you'll be together forever."

Daryl could feel the awkward tension radiating from you in waves. You moved your food around your plate, slightly unwilling to make eye contact with the nuns. Daryl just shrugged. He knew he loved you, he knew he would be with you forever, he knew you felt the same, he didn't need a big show to prove that.

Daryl never gave marriage a huge thought. Before he met you, he was sure he'd never even fall in love. After you, he was so deeply head over heels for you, he never thought he needed a big wedding to prove how much he loved you. He showed it everyday, at least he tried his best to. Maybe he wasn't the most romantic or emotionally inclined, but he tried to make you feel loved and happy.

Besides, you'd never hinted at marriage. If you did, maybe it'd be a different story. You'd never said you wanted a wedding, did you want one? Did you want to be married, and thought he wouldn't want it? Daryl's not sure.

Now that he's thinking, really thinking during the semi-awkward silence that replaced the once lively conversation, maybe you did want marriage. Daryl remembers all those years ago when Maggie and Glenn married. They didn't have a huge wedding or anything, just a ring and a small celebration with some scavenged champagne. He remembers how happy you looked, how fondly you gazed at the happy couple.

He remembers how he made a comment similar to the one he just made, about no point of being married. You had nudged his shoulder and told him to be quiet, that it was romantic. That it didn't matter there were no marriage licenses or wedding gowns or honeymoons, they were happy and in love. How they just wanted to be husband and wife, just because they were committed to one another.

Daryl looks at you seated next to him, and it's like something changes. Maybe calling you his wife wouldn't be so bad.

Isabelle leads you and Daryl to separate rooms. After the big news of you and Daryl being unwed, Mother Superior didn't want you both staying in the same room. It was bizarre to Daryl, but you wanted to respect their wishes. So he conceded, and allowed Isabelle to take you away from him.

You blowed him a dramatic kiss as you walked away, like you were going off to war or something. He played along anyway like he always did with you, grabbing the kiss and bringing it to his chest just to see you laugh.

Now, laying in bed without your steady presence beside him was unwelcome. He felt strange, like he was missing a vital part of him. He couldn't even remember the last time he's slept without you. Even those years he was out in the woods looking for Rick, you were there, always right beside him.

He tossed and turned, fiddling with a little scrap of stained white fabric he had clutched in his hand. It was from his angle wing on his vest. A small piece had peeled off after the long trip in the ocean, and he had shoved it in his pocket without thinking.

Eventually, Daryl stood. Maybe he'd get in trouble with the nuns in the morning, but he doesn't care, he needs you. He carefully pushes open his door before making his way towards your room. He enters your room without knocking, letting out a relived sigh when he sees you laying in bed.

"You didn't even knock," you say, sitting up in bed. "What if you had just barged into one of the nun's rooms? Don't think they would've liked it much."

"I must have God on my side." You snort and shake your head. He walks over to you and sits on your bed, pushing you back into the pillows.

"What're you doing here anyway? Got lost?" You tease, a smirk on your face that Daryl kisses away.

"Missed you," he murmurs against your lips, before pulling away just barley to trail feverish kisses from your jaw to your neck. You groan.

"They won't like this much you know," you say, heated breaths fanning out across the top of Daryl's head. "We should respect their wishes. We're in their home."

"Whatever, we're helpin' them with their mission, ain't we?" You push Daryl away lightly, and so he pulls away. You're giving him a concerned look that makes Daryl worry.

"Yes, but they're also helping us. They're helping to get us home, and I don't wanna risk anything." Daryl sighs, the breath causing your messy hair to flutter slightly. He smooths it down tenderly.

"I'm gonna get you home. Don't gotta worry." You grasp his hand playing with your hair and kiss his fingertips. He curls his fingers around your hand and lifts it to his lips, placing careful kisses to your knuckles.

"I do hate sleeping without you," you admit, voice quiet. He nods, placing your hand gently to rest on your stomach, still holding it.

"Guess I just have to marry you then." Daryl had intended it as a joke, but realized he was serious about halfway through. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as he gazes at you, hair fanning out on the pillow with an adorably confused look on your face.

He's not sure what took him so long to realize. But he's never been so sure of anything in his life. He wants you to be his wife. You're already his everything, his forever, he wants it to be official. He wants to hear you call him your husband, he wants you to be his and him yours in every sense there is.

"Are you joking?" You ask, a furrow to your brow and a tilt to your head. He shakes his head, his insecurities begin to evade his mind.

"I love you," he starts, unable to meet your questioning gaze. "I never thought about marriage, never thought anyone could love me like that." You push his hair from his face and caress his cheek, regarding him with a look so full of love he knows he's made the right choice. "But I wanna do it with you, if you want."

"Why now?" You sit up, pressing your palms on either side of his face. "Is it because of what the nuns said?"

"Kinda." He shrugs, and you smile softly.

"Daryl, I don't need us to be married to know you love me. You show me that every day. You don't need to prove anything." He shakes his head, holding your hands in place by grasping your wrists loosely.

"I want to be married to you. I never really thought about it before this s'all, but I do," Daryl confirms, holding your gaze steadily now. "I wanna be with you forever. You're everything to me."

Tears collect in your eyes and Daryl is terrified he messed up, that maybe you didn't want this. Maybe this would feel too possessive to you, like you'd be tied down, like he'd be owning you. Before his thoughts can spiral too out of control, you kiss him. You kiss him so hard and so passionately, Daryl almost falls backwards.

"I'd love to marry you." Daryl grips at your hips and you clutch at his shoulders. He rests his forehead against yours.

"I don't have a damn ring," Daryl says. He pulls out the little scrap of fabric from his vest, taking hold of you hand. He ties the little scrap around your finger, rubbing over your ring finger when he's done. "That'll have to do for now."

"It's a piece of your vest?" Daryl nods, and you grin so brightly, you almost light up the entire room. "Now I always have a little part of my Angel with me."

     Daryl smiles, his chest feeling warmer than ever before. He shoves you down into the bed and follows quickly, pulling you up to lay on his chest. You laugh and admire the makeshift ring adorning your left hand.

"You're my Angel."

     Daryl's eyes crack open to the sound of a door creaking and is immediately met with bright sunlight. A deep sigh is what causes him to open his eyes fully. Isabelle is standing by the door, fresh clothes in hand with a disappointed look on her face.

     "Mother Superior won't be happy," she says. Daryl looks to your form curled up next to him, and he couldn't care less. You roll over to face Isabelle and grin so brightly, Daryl's heart might just burst.

     "But we're married," you say, your voice still sleepy, while throwing out your hand from under the covers to show off the 'ring.' You look so proud Daryl can't help but smile. "Got married last night."

     "What?" Daryl isn't sure if she looks more confused or shocked. "You got married? Last night?"

     "Yeah," Daryl replies nonchalantly, throwing his legs off the bed to stand.

     "You need someone to marry you, you can't just decide your married." Isabelle looks amused now as she places the clothing on the dresser.

     "What for?" You ask, sitting up. "Like Daryl said, there's no marriage licensing or anything."

     "Yes, but you could still be married in the eyes of God," Isabelle says, a thoughtful look on her face.

     "We ain't catholic," Daryl says, reaching to grab the clothes Isabelle placed on the dresser. She pushes his hand away.

     "Humor us," she says, getting met with confused looks from both you and Daryl. "Let us put something together. I'm sure no one will mind a little wedding."

     You and Daryl tried to refuse, but it seems nuns are very convincing. Or maybe it's just because they're all women. Soon you and Daryl are getting set up in makeshift wedding attire. Daryl is getting prepped up in the clothing closest to a tux while nuns are creating a dress for you. Sewing and pinning up a white garnet they found to resemble something of a wedding gown.

     Daryl was less than ecstatic, but he saw how happy you looked when you rushed by him to get fitted into the gown and he was suddenly ok with it all. The next time he saw you, it was while he was at the alter.

     The women had made a trail of different fabrics to make a sort of carpet trail to the alter. Your white dress stands out against the multitude of colors of the carpet. Daryl's eyes flit from your dress to your sparkling eyes to your contagious grin before settling on the fabric tied in a knot around your finger.

     He can't take his eyes off you.

     Even when you finally make it across from him and Mother Superior begins to read from the Bible can he focus on anything but you. The foreign words are the last thing on his mind.

     "I love you," you mouth to him, smiling with tears glistening your eyes. Daryl feels tears begin to prick at his own.

     "Love you, too," he mouths back. He's nudged slightly by the young boy, and that's what brings him back. "Huh?"

     "Say 'I do,'" Laurent mumbles, causing the nuns to laugh.

     "Oh, yeah, I do," Daryl says, feeling a blush creep up his neck. You smile at him, causing him to smile back and forgetting the slight embarrassment. After a few more words read from the holy book, the officiate turns to you.

     "I do," you say with a watery laugh. A tear finally falls and Daryl is swift with wiping it away. After a few more words, the book is closed, and she motions for you to kiss.

     Daryl crashes his lips to yours without a seconds hesitation. You hum into his lips and Daryl can feel your tears drip down. He pulls away, to realize it was his own tears he felt. You grin happily, brushing away his tears with your thumbs.

     "We're married," you say, quietly. Daryl feels his heart miss a beat and he can't help press another firm kiss to your lips.

     It's decided the journey to deliver Laurent will begin tomorrow. One day of resting up and celebrating the newlyweds. You're the happiest Daryl has seen since you left to look for Rick. He keeps finding himself grinning to himself seeing you so happy, chatting with Isabelle and Sylvie and eating delicious food. Even indulging in a little homemade wine tucked away for special occasions.

     "Hey, you," you whisper, winding your arms around Daryl's neck. You teeter on your feet, just a bit tipsy on the wine. Your grin is so happy and free, so infectious, Daryl grins back. "Having fun?" He shrugs.

     "I like watching you have fun." He twirls a little piece of your hair. You frown, Daryl rubs it away with his thumb which results in a kiss on his finger tips. "I'd have more fun if we were alone," he murmurs in your ear, kissing the shell. You smack him lightly on the shoulder and giggle.

     "This is a house of God, Daryl." He shrugs at your teasing. You rock back and forth between your left and right foot, fingers twisting around the curls at the back of his neck. Suddenly, you look thoughtful as you gaze at him.

     "What?" He questions.

     "I just wish Carol and Maggie could be here, our family." You shrug, looking down. "I miss them, Jude and RJ, too. All of them." He kisses your forehead and gently lifts up your chin to meet his eyes.

     "We'll have to have a party when we get back." Daryl kisses your forehead again, lips moving down to your temple.

     "Yeah, ok," you say, nodding and smiling again, happy at the thought of celebrating with your family. "A nice party after our honeymoon."

     "Honeymoon?" Daryl asks with a smirk. "Where do you wanna go?"

     "Uh, we're in France," you say, a look on your face screaming 'obviously.' "We're going to Paris on our way to deliver Laurent, right?" Daryl nods and snorts.

     "You think the Eiffel Tower's still standin'?" You drop your hand from the back of his neck to poke his side, a shocked expression on your face.

     "Don't burst my bubble! Of course it's still standing!" You exclaim. Daryl concedes and nods, lifting his hands palms out to put them in a surrendering stance. "I've always wanted to go to Paris. I never imagined I'd have a destination wedding."

     Daryl never imagined he'd have a wedding in general. Never thought he'd find someone so loving and amazing as you. As Daryl gazes lovingly into your eyes, hands spread out on your back, he knows he's made the right choice.

[latibvles]

true north.

and we’re back! a little late but I plan on doing all ten prompts TRUST AND BELIEVE! on that note, this next one is wedding — so here’s inez, post-war, where the invitation to a wedding between friends pushes her to leave the nest for a third time. luckily alex’s door is always open. tagging @upontherisers for listening to me rock back and forth over them. I did an embarrassing amount of googling about trains for this one that's how you KNOW it got serious.

—

Maybe it’s not fair of her to say that the invite is what did her in.

No, the invitation was the most expected part of this — going to June and Benny’s wedding sounds and feels more normal than most things. It was always going to turn out this way, wasn’t it? A big wedding with everyone there, practically acting both as a celebration and a reunion. Most who wanted to keep contact, kept it, Inez herself included — but knowing June and Benny, they probably went the extra mile anyway to hunt down those who had disappeared.

The combination of June’s fierce determination and Benny’s kindness is a force in its own right.

Maybe it’s just the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Maybe it’s that Inez is walking into her family’s living room, and telling her mother she’ll be going to Chicago in next May for the ceremony — and then has to remind her who June Cielinski is.

“What classes didja have? Y’never told me about her!” She’s bouncing Judith on her knee — who’s entranced with her father’s car keys at the moment. Inez’s jaw clenched.

“No ma she’s— she’s from my crew. She was our bombardier.”

There’s a click of her mother’s tongue, a feigned recollection of a June and an unrelated anecdote about how she’d always liked that name, how it was a contender before they decided on Judith for her baby sister, who looks at Inez and smiles, showing off a missing tooth.

So maybe it’s not the invitation itself, but the reminders that stem from it. Everything, from the moment she set her bag down in her family’s doorway, has felt unequivocally wrong. She loves her family — Inez is sure of that — but maybe there was a reason Ben married so quickly and then moved all the way to Texas that Inez is only just now seeing. The only things that feel right are the things she’s done that are separate from this house.

The collection of letters she keeps under her bed, namely. She’d asked for Alex’s address impulsively, not expecting him to so willingly give it over. But he did — tore a page from his sketchbook and scribbled it for her, and she’d kept that piece of paper tucked in her pocket from the camp, to Paris, to London, all the way back here, until it was crumpled beyond recognition and the writing faded with time. That was when he was still living at home. Now they wrote pretty regularly, back and forth, which was… nice.

With a little help from his parents and after figuring out his finances, he’d gotten himself a place a little bit out of the city. I love Detroit, he writes, but I think the quiet’s doing me some good. Sometimes, he sends drawings. He tells her about how he’s thinking of picking up teaching, now that he’s in the Reserve, and she tells him to go for it. He’d be good at it. He has the patience for children.

She tells him about Judith, and how the baby takes after their brother Ben more than herself. She tells him about the job she’s picked up at the schoolhouse, as a teacher’s assistant and how grateful she is that she could find work after all this. She doesn’t tell him about how out of place she feels, how stuck she is. Some things you just don’t say through a letter, and some things you just don’t say at all.

That all sounds great, he writes, I’m happy for you, and she knows he means it. You spend roughly nine months with someone, you can usually deduce whether or not they’re saying things just to be nice or not. Alex doesn’t just say things to placate people. If you ever find yourself coming this way, my door’s always open.

She hopes he means that, too. If this were five years ago, leaving home might’ve been terrifying to her. Now though, it was thoroughly scratched from the list of things that made her sick to her stomach.

My invite to Benny and June’s wedding came in, she writes.

Mine too. Looking forward to seeing everybody, he writes back.

That’ll be May of next year. A nice spring wedding in Chicago — because some people really do have it all figured out. Inez is not one of them. Part of her, pessimistically so, thinks that she never will be. She’s not resentful of her friends for moving on with their lives. She’s just angry that she can’t seem to do it herself.

It’s funny how she can reach her limit and still endure. The AAF taught her that. She packs a bag, but it goes untouched in the back of her closet for two whole weeks. At the very least — it’s enough time to pocket an extra check.

It’s enough time to say that she’s thought it through. To have an epiphany — to come to terms with it. At least she remained time conscious despite the changes she went through. She was molded into a pot but cast so quickly that there’s a crack in her now that feels impossible to ignore.

Leaving feels more natural to her than staying, even if she’ll end up coming back to this place in a few days. That much she knows of. But as of right now, this house feels like a bird cage with the door left open; her parents were probably just waiting for her to leave.

She heads to the train station after helping her mom wash dishes, after Judith’s gone to bed. Inez doesn’t announce her leaving like she might’ve in the past. She just takes one of Alex’s letters and walks the length of the beaten old sidewalks until she makes it to the station. The last time she was here, she was happy to be home. Now leaving brings a strange sort of relief.

It’s three different trains she’ll have to take. She’d probably end up on his doorstep in the afternoon if her math is right. And it usually is.

Inez tries, feebly, to sleep on the first train — from Nashville to Louisville, but some habits she just can’t seem to break. Thorpe Abbotts and the air raids made her a light sleeper, and the Stalag made it worse. She jerks back into consciousness with every bump, every coo of a baby, every high pitched squeal of the rails when they roll into a station. She’s always half expecting to wake up in that block again to Savorre grunting in suppressed pain, or Harrie right next to her, face shoved into the flimsy pillows to muffle whatever onslaught of tears was overtaking her.

It’s never that, though. It’s always the dim lights of the train car, the quiet murmurings of its occupants, her bag clutched tightly to her chest like it was a person because she didn’t want to fumble with shoving it in the space above her. She’d rather have a familiar weight in her lap. Inez would hardly call it sleep, more like sporadic naps, broken up by her snaps into being awake and trying to make some sense of what state she’s in to little avail. She hits Louisville at 2:00am.

There’s still time for her to turn back but, well, that doesn’t exactly make much sense. Doesn’t sit right with her, so she doesn’t.

About halfway through the second train that takes her from Kentucky to Ohio — she’s a livewire really, bouncing her knee, rustling through her bag for a book Jo sent her a couple weeks ago. As 4am ebbs into 5am and the night sky starts shifting into the gray-blue of dawn, she’s becoming more and more restless, and by the time she’s getting on that last train in Ohio that’ll take her to Detroit, she can’t help but wonder if this is a terrible idea.

Her nail beds, already the subject of her merciless picking, are a nightmare to look at and she wonders if she can get away with keeping her hands hidden in the pockets sewn into her skirt once she gets there. If she gets there. She could ask about direct routes back home the moment she hits the station and it’d be like she was never even here. She hugs her bag tighter to herself, like it would provide her some comfort.

And by the time she hits Detroit, it’s almost noon, and the city is busy, and Inez is reminded vaguely of pins in a map — of her old pilot who’d smiled as she put her pin right in the heart of it. Yeah, this makes sense, is really the only conclusion she comes to as she tries to hail down a cab. She half expects her pilot to be the driver.

It isn’t though. His name is Frank. He’s nice. For the thirty minute drive out from Detroit to a more suburban area, something that looks a little more like home, he tells her about how business has really been booming in the past year with all the soldiers coming back from overseas.

He asks if she knew everyone who served. She nods and dismisses it with a “feels like everybody knows somebody,” that makes him smile and laugh in agreement.

But talking to Frank doesn’t much prepare her for pulling up to the house that matched the address in her pocket. It’s a small house with a bright green lawn — white siding and a small porch, a pair of work boots by the front door. A bag of fertilizer. No flowers in the boxes yet though. She can feel her heart in her throat as the cab pulls off and she stares at the path up for a long, silent moment.

It feels right, being here, but he could easily tell her to go away. What was she even supposed to say? Anything she could come up with sounded petulant. My mother forgot who June was so I left. My house feels like a cage. My parents keep pretending I didn’t go to war and it sucks. She eyes one of the spindly cracks working its way through the pavement and her hands ball into fists, her bag feeling impossibly heavy. She should go home. She could walk it, she was paying attention the whole drive over. It’s only noon, there’s gotta be a direct train from here t—

The sound of the screen door rattling as it opens and shuts is familiar. Her gaze snaps up.

Alex is in a white singlet and jeans, wiping his hands with a dirty rag when he catches her. The shock on his face is evident, then the confusion.

“Inez?” She thinks he’s beelining it towards her, but he stops by his mailbox first, opening it. “Did I– Did I miss a letter? I didn’t know you were—”

“No. No I just…” Inez cringes as she lets go of her bag and it lands beside her feet with a gentle thump, but she can’t help picking at her hands. “You said your door’s always open so I…” Her mouth opens and closes like a fish, scrambling for some explanation beyond a simple it feels right, coming here. He’s coming towards her now, with the familiar, friendly smile, and relief washes over her as he looks over her face, then reaches down to take her bag.

“How long are you here for?” he asks then, moving on from her shoddy explanation.

“I… I don’t know,” she admits, rubbing the nape of her neck. “It was a little bit of spontaneous decision making.” She elects to withhold the fact that instead of waiting until the next day for the next direct ride to Detroit, she’d taken three trains. That it was hardly impulsive when she had three train rides to think about it, and going home just didn’t sit right with her.

“Well you let me know when you find out. I’d hug you but…” He gestures to the state of him — dirt stains on the front of his white singlet, sweat from the August heat shining on his skin. Inez laughs, a little breathlessly and nods in agreement.

“Didn’t know you were a gardener.”

“I’m not. My mama says the front of the house looks too plain so she bought me a bunch of flowers to put in the front.” He lets her walk in front of him until they reach the door, and then he’s getting the door for her to let her into the small living room, bleeding into a kitchen. A couple dishes laid out on a towel on the counter, a blanket tossed over a moss-colored couch. The windows are open, letting in a breeze. She assumes the hallway leads to his bedroom.

“I can help with that,” Inez offers as he sets her bag by the door. “The flowers.”

He smiles at that, something wide and warm and familiar in a way that doesn’t hurt — and Inez finds herself smiling back.

[siancore]

Richonne | 847 Words | General | AO3 Link

Synopsis: Rick and Michonne have a moment to express their feelings regarding Rick finding out about R.J.

Neither Rick nor Michonne wanted to stop; not when they were still too close to the Civic Republic. They knew there would be people on their trail. They knew the Civic Republic would not want them live; not after everything Rick had gone through. Not after everything they had seen and been subjected to. No one left that community. No one left and lived to talk about it. And now, both Rick and Michonne had been inside of their walls and had escaped. They really could not afford to stop. Not this close. Not when they were still so far away from home. From their friends and family. From their children.

“I didn’t even think to bring a photo,” said Michonne, as she tended to Rick’s wound; their reason for having to stop.

Rick winced a little as Michonne cleaned the gash to his left ribcage.

“I still can’t believe it,” Rick admitted. “It’s like I can barely get my head around it. We’ve got a son. This is so surreal, ‘Chonne. We’ve got a son.”

She fixed a dressing to the wound and then wrapped it. Rick pulled his shirt back on with some difficulty. He smoothed the garment down and let out a shaky breath.

“And I missed all o’ this time with him and Judith,” said Rick solemnly as he faced Michonne and took hold of her hand. “All of this time with you. I’m sorry. Sorry for what you’ve been through without me there to protect you and take care of you. Sorry I for the pain you felt. Sorry you had to go it alone.”

“I told you before,” she whispered, giving his hand a squeeze. “You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t ever have to be sorry. For anything. What happened was not your fault.”

“I know,” he said, dipping his head and looking up through his lashes at Michonne. “I guess I’m feelin’ sorry for myself a little, too. It was hell without you. Gettin’ back to you and Judith is what kept me goin’. And now we’ve got this blessing.”

Rick took a deep breath and continued.

“What if – what if he – if R.J. doesn’t like me? I’m a stranger to him. I can’t expect to just come back from the dead and assume that our son is gonna accept me.”

“Rick,” she said softly, causing him to lift his head. “He will accept you. Our son knows you. He knows all about you. How you’d do anything to protect the people you care about. How you’re brave. How you’re a good leader. How you love your family more than anything. Judith made sure to tell R.J. all about you.”

“Only the good things, I hope,” he said, slightly self-deprecatingly.

“Rick, I may be biased, but to me, there’s only good things when it comes to you,” Michonne said, beaming brightly at him; his breath hitched at the sight.

“God, I missed your smile,” said Rick, as he reached up and stroked her face. “Thinkin’ about you and that smile got me through a lot of long, lonely nights. Knowin’ I was gonna see you again got me through. I’m sorry it took this long for us to be back together. I –”

“Stop that,” said Michonne as she leaned into his touch. “Stop apologizing. We found each other again, and that’s what matters. Nothing is going to stop us from getting back to our kids. Nothing. So, just focus your energy on that, Rick. Not on the past. Not on what’s already happened. Focus on both of us getting back home. Focus on getting to meet your son. He’s gonna love you.”

Tears welled in Rick’s eyes at Michonne’s comforting words. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers before resting his forehead against hers.

“I love him already,” said Rick as he cradled Michonne’s head in his hand. “I loved him as soon as you told me about him. I loved him in my dreams before I even knew who he was. And I love you, Michonne. Thank you for comin’ for me. Thank you for takin’ care of our family and community. Thank you for lookin’ after Judith and bein’ there for her when I couldn’t. For bein’ both parents for her. And thank you for blessing me with R.J.”

Tears rolled down both Rick and Michonne’s faces as they sat holding one another. A gentle beat of silence passed around them as they took in calming breaths. Michonne smiled once more; smaller and softer – the smiles she reserved for Rick.

“Thank you for not dying on me,” said Michonne with a wet laugh which Rick returned.

They both pulled back and stared into one another’s glistening, teary eyes.

Rick ran his thumb over Michonne’s bottom lip and said, “Yeah well, we don’t die. We’re the ones who live.”

[biggerbetterbat]

WITH YOU [43] HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST

Daryl Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

Summary: Charlie starts to accept that now she has a new group. Carol finds a house in the middle of the forest, and the group decides to stay they for some time. Charlie, Tyreese, and Carol are worried about Lizzie.

Warnings: angst, death, killing Walkers

Song: Bruises Lewis Capaldi

Words: 4,816

Mom, dad, Finn, Luke, Will, Pete, Amy, Jim, Jacquie, Sophia, Shane, Patricia, Jimmy, Lori, T-Dog, Oscar, Axel, Merle, Andrea, Zach, Patrick, Hershel, Rick, Carl, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Bob, Sasha, Daryl, Beth.

"Do you think there'll be kids there?" Charlie heard Lizzie's voice in the silence of the night. "At Terminus?"

"If their parents kept them safe like Tyreese and Charlie kept all of you safe.”

"I saved Tyreese. And then Charlie," she said. "I shoot people that tried to hurt them," Lizzie explained."I didn't mean to shoot in the head."

"You had to," Carol said. "You saved Tyreese and Charlie."

"Maybe there still will be kids," said the girl. "Did you have kids?"

A chilling shiver crawled down Charlie’s spine as the haunting memory resurfaced. The weight of sorrow pressed heavily on her chest, and a sense of helplessness gripped her soul. The vivid memory of Sophia leaving the barn as a beast played over and over, leaving a profound ache and a lingering fear that echoed in the depths of her consciousness. Charlie started whispering her countdown again to muffle Carol's voice. "Mom, dad, Finn, Luke, Will, Pete, Amy, Jim, Jacquie, Sophia..."

She tried to convince herself that everything that had happened so far was nothing more than a bad dream. She repeated reassuring words, attempting to dismiss the vivid images as figments of imagination. And with that thought she closed her eyes tightly and fell asleep.

The weather was hot from the early hours. Even though, they were lucky to walk in the shadows of the trees, it was impossible to walk without a break, so now the group was resting. It wasn't the safest place to sit around as something could easily go down on them from the high hill, but Tyreese was not only suffering from heat but also from the pain that he felt in his arm.

"Would you like to hold her?" Carol asked her. "I have to help Tyreese with his arm."

Charlie looked down at the baby and grimaced. A surge of discomfort coursed through Charlie at the thought that she would hold Judith. Confusion and guilt mingled with an aversion, creating a mixed feeling within. The internal conflict added a layer of pain, casting a shadow over what should have been a moment of tenderness. Charlie looked up at Carol. "No."

"Why you never want to hold her?" asked Mika, sitting on front of Charlie with a baby in her arms, as she took it from Carol.

"I'm not good with kids," she answered.

"You're good with Carl," the girl said but immediately regretted it. After recalling the memory of Carl, Charlie's emotions swirled in a mix of sorrow, nostalgia, and perhaps even guilt or regret. Waves of grief washed over her as she realized the absence of a boy who became her friend. The memory served as a poignant reminder of the big impact Carl had on her life, leaving Charlie with an even bigger hole in her heart."Sorry. Shouldn't have said that."

"Yeah, you shouldn't."

"I miss my dad," the girl confessed. "Do you miss someone?"

"I do," Charlie nodded. In fact, she was missing more than just one person. She lost so many people on the way that fingers of one hand was not enough to count them all.

"But we should be happy," Mika said and gave Charlie a small smile. "We still have Carol. And Tyreese. And we have each other, right?"

She nodded her head, feeling the light of sympathy light in her for the girl. Besides she was right, they still had some friends left after the loss of those who have passed away, and Charlie experienced a mixture of gratitude, relief, and a renewed sense of connection. She might feel grief; however, she should appreciate the relationships she still had, recognizing the importance of cherishing and nurturing these connections. Despite the pain of loss, the realization that she still had friends by her side brought a glimmer of hope and warmth to her heart.

"How's your arm?" Charlie asked the man, while they were sitting on the tracks, waiting for Carol and Mika.

"Better," he nodded. "And how are you?"

"Better."

"I spy trees and weeds," suddenly said Lizzie to Tyreese as they were playing some odd game.

Suddenly, not so far away they heard snarling. It was filled with hunger and determination, shoulders squared and gaze fixed ahead, to get to the meal. The rhythmic sound of its footsteps echoed against the cold metal rails, a solitary rhythm in the silence of the empty landscape. He was alone, but his voice could easily lure others.

"Stay here," Charlie said as she got up and grabbed her bow.

It got stuck in the hole in the trucks, so Charlie could get as close as possible. She methodically drew back the string with a fluid motion, her movements practiced and precise. With focused concentration, she anchored her grip, ensuring stability and control. Her gaze fixates on the target, unwavering despite any distractions around. With each breath, she tried to steady the aim, aligning the arrow, so it would go straight through the Walker's head. Time seemed to slow as she reached the pinnacle of tension, her muscles coiled just like Daryl taught her.

Daryl.

A painful thought. It caused Charlie's fingers to tremble against the taut bowstring, her mind swirled with the unbearable weight of the thought that Daryl might be dead. The Walker blurred through her tears as she struggled to steady her aim, her chest constricting with every heartbeat. Charlie's hand went slack, the bow slipping from her grasp as the realization crashed over her like a wave. Daryl, her closest companion, was gone. A hollow ache settled in Charlie's chest, suffocating her with its weight. Daryl was gone, leaving Charlie to grapple with the harsh reality of a future without him.

She reached over to her belt, where her axe was replacing the knife that was left in the boiler room near Lori. Charlie sighed and was ready to finally kill the Walker.

"Charlie!" Lizzie's scream cut through the air. "Sometimes we have to kill them. I know that, but sometimes we don't."

Charlie's brow furrowed. In her eyes, Lizzie’s plea seemed like a dangerous liability, a weakness that could jeopardize their survival in the unforgiving world they now inhabited. Charlie really tried to understand, making excuses that back in the day she also had troubles to kill one of them. However, Lizzie saw what the Walkers can do, so Charlie couldn't understand how she could be so naive, so blind to the harsh realities they faced every day. To Charlie, killing the walker became a necessary act of self-preservation, a means of protecting themselves and ensuring their continued existence in a world overrun by the undead.

As she looked at Lizzie, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment towards her perceived weakness. In her mind, her reluctance to take action was a sign of her inability to adapt to their new reality, a flaw that could ultimately put them all in danger.

"There's no sometimes," Charlie answered but didn't pursue the want to kill the Walker. He was trapped anyway.

The house that Carol and Mika stumbled upon in the woods appeared like a perfect opportunity to rest after days of voyage. Its weathered exterior bore the scars of time, with peeling paint and warped wood hinting at months or even years of neglect. Vines and ivy snaked their way up the walls, reclaiming the structure as their own in nature's relentless march. Despite its wild appearance, the house exuded an eerie sense of tranquility, nestled among the trees like a hidden sanctuary. It seemed peaceful in a world that became chaotic. The front porch sagged under the weight of years, yet still beckoned with the promise of shelter and respite. It was surrounded by the trees, and beside the house being neglected, in front of the porch grew yellow flowers.

"Girls, you sit tight," Carol said. "Charlie make sure that no one is coming in until we come out no matter what you hear."

"They're gonna be okay," Mika said to Charlie and she nodded. Then the little girl looked at her sister and sat down next to her and Judith.

As Charlie stood guard outside the house, her boredom became weighing heavily on her shoulders like a cloak. The minutes dragged on, each one stretching into an eternity as she watched over Lizzie and Mika with growing impatience. The forest seemed to close in around them, suffocating them with its oppressive stillness. She longed for some distraction, anything to break the monotony of her task.

Charlie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her gaze wandering aimlessly over the surrounding. Every rustle of leaves or distant caw of a crow seemed to warn her, reminding her to focus as they were surrounded by the unknown. However, she wasn't scared. She was ready to use her weapon in case of any emergency.

"It's not that," Lizzie answered to whatever Mika said, but her eyes were stuck on the grave. Charlie's attention was back on them. "They're gonna find one in there and they're going..."

"Stop it! They aren't people!"

"But you're wrong," Lizzie shrugged her arms looking at her sister finally. Then her eyes rested on Charlie. "All of you."

The way she regarded walkers as people filled Charlie with a deep sense of unease, a primal instinct warning her of the danger lurking beneath Lizzie's innocent facade. Charlie knew all too well the true nature of these creatures, the insatiable hunger that lurked behind their lifeless eyes. She couldn't shake the feeling that her behavior would lead to something bad.

With furrowed brow and clenched jaw, Charlie struggled to contain her emotions, her eyes darting nervously between Lizzie and the surrounding woods - not being sure what was more dangerous. As the shadows lengthened around them, Charlie couldn't shake the feeling that the house was either a sanctuary or a tomb.

Her thoughts immersed her so much that she woke up from them the moment the Walker that came out of nowhere, was crawling in the direction of Lizzie and Judith. Mika tried to shoot it immediately, but she missed the head as it was moving so much, and she was too scared.

Charlie lunged forward, her grip tightening around the handle of the axe as she swung with all her might. The blade bit deep into the walker's flesh, cleaving through skin and bone with a sickening thud. Time seemed to slow as the walker stumbled backward, its lifeless eyes fixed on its prey even as its body crumpled to the ground. Charlie stood panting amidst the chaos, her chest heaving with exertion as she surveyed the scene before her. Adrenaline surged through her veins as she fought to protect Lizzie, Mika, and little Judith, her every instinct focused on driving back the relentless tide of danger.

But amidst the fear, there was a flicker of relief in Charlie's eyes, a sense of triumph born from the knowledge that she had saved them from harm. As she turned to face Lizzie, Mika, and Judith, their wide-eyed stares met her own, filled with a mixture of fear and gratitude. In that moment, Charlie knew that she had done what was necessary to protect her new friends.

Charlie knelt next the older girl. "There's no sometimes," she repeated what she said couple of hours before, signaling that Walkers should be killed always. Lizzie pushed her hand away with a furry in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" asked Carol while Tyreese was picking up Judith. They both stormed out of the house, alarmed by the noise. "Why are you upset? Are you scared?"

"No."

"Just look at the flowers like you're supposed to," Mika tried to calm her sister down.

Charlie was watching it all with furrowed eyebrows.

"Look," Charlie said and stretched out an arm to the girl. Her eyes lit up at the sight. "You like her?"

"She's perfect!" Mika took the doll. "I'm gonna name her Griselda Gunderson!"

Charlie snorted. "That's an exceptional name."

"You don't like it?"

"I do," she smiled lightly. "But we should tame her hair."

"We should," Mika chuckled. "I like your braid. Could you braid my hair like that?"

Charlie smiled at the girl and nodded her head. Then she moved her eyes to Tyreese who sat down in an armchair with an uneasy stare. Charlie furrowed her brows. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not used to this," he said. "We're living in a room in a house."

"Yeah, so relax," Charlie smiled.

"We should stay here," Mika interrupted.

"What about the Terminus?" Carol asked from her place. "You don't want to go there?"

"Maybe we can stay here for some time."

Lizzie smiled and nodded her head, so Charlie exchanged stares with the other adults. Feeling of family warmth overcame her body, and small smile stayed on her lips. As the feeling grew, she started to hum a lullaby she knew. In a moment she felt Mika's body, curling up to her, becoming heavy as the sleep took over it.

"Mom, dad, Finn, Luke, Will, Pete, Amy, Jim, Jacquie, Sophia, Shane, Patricia, Jimmy, Lori, T-Dog, Oscar, Axel, Merle, Andrea, Zach, Patrick, Hershel, Rick, Carl, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Bob, Sasha, Daryl, Beth..." Charlie was muttering under her nose as she thought everyone was sleeping. They all decided that it would be better to spend first couple nights together.

"Charlie?" she heard a whisper. "What are you doing? You aren't sleeping?"

"Did I wake you?" she whispered.

"It's okay," she shook her head in the dark and sat up slowly not to wake Lizzie or Mika up. Judith was peacefully sleeping on Tyreese chest, unbothered by the whispering. "What were you doing?"

"It's my thing," Charlie answered. "I'm trying to tire my brain so I could sleep."

"I don't think it's healthy," Carol said.

"It's working."

For a moment it became silence all over again, before Carol opened her mouth again. "Do you think they're all dead?"

"You saw what happened."

"Do you think Daryl didn't make it?" she asked.

Charlie gulped big and thick lump that formed in her throat. "He was trying to save everyone. Probably stayed to the end when there was no bus, car, and the place became overrun."

"But he's...Daryl," Carol tried to fill Charlie with hope. She didn't know that the whole conversation was just breaking her heart. "Do you miss him?"

"Yes," she whispered and felt the tears. "I don't know what I should do with myself when he's not around. It's as if I forgot everything he had been teaching me. I no longer know what is wrong or right."

"It will get better."

"When?"

"Sooner or later," Carol said with nostalgic tone.

"Hmm."

"Let's sleep, Sweet Thing."

As the group settled into the house they had discovered, Carol slipped into the role of both mother and lady of the house. With a quiet strength and unwavering determination, she took on the responsibility of caring for the needs of those around her, ensuring that they felt safe and supported in their new surroundings. Her warm smile and gentle words became a source of solace for the group, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there was still room for compassion and kindness.

Carol's nurturing presence extended to every corner of the house, from tending to the wounds of Tyreese to providing a listening ear for Charlie burdened by the weight of her grief. She became a pillar of strength for the group, her unwavering resolve serving as a source of hope for the girls in a world consumed by despair.

But perhaps most importantly, Carol took on the role of surrogate mother to the children, offering them love, guidance, and protection in the absence of their own parents. With a tender touch and a watchful eye, she helped to shield Judith from the horrors of the outside world, creating a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos. She also took as the point of honor to take care of Charlie and was making sure she's okay.

In Carol, the group found not only a leader and a provider but also a source of love and comfort in a world filled with darkness. And as they gathered around the hearth of their newfound home, they knew that as long as Carol was by their side, they would weather whatever challenges the future might bring.

"What are you doing?" Charlie asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Cookies," Carol smiled. "Girls said they would like to eat ones, and I found chocolate in the cupboard,"Charlie nodded with a smile and leaned on the counter. "Is something wrong?"

Carol developed a skill of reading her just by looking at her face. She couldn't precisely say if it was good or bad for now, but nothing could hide from Carol. So, Charlie decided to voice her concerns related to Lizzie.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with the girl?"

"What do you mean?" Carol tried to brush her off with a smile.

"I mean, what's wrong with Lizzie?"

The woman placed everything down with a sigh and looked at Charlie. Carol was well aware of complexity of the problem with Lizzie. It was making her heart sink every time she was thinking about it, that's why she wasn't doing this much. "She's just lost," she said. "She can't understand how the world has changed."

"We can't leave it like that."

"Then what should we do?" Carol asked, but the silence answered her. "Exactly."

"She is dangerous to everyone. Even herself," Charlie voiced her worries.

"She's a good child," Carol said and looked over the window, watching as Lizzie was running around laughing. Charlie knew that the girls were replacing the emptiness Sophia left in Carol's heart, so it was probably harder to let the negative thoughts to her.

Which only made things harder.

Suddenly, Carol dropped everything and left the room that she was talking with Charlie. The second, furrowed her eyebrows and stepped closer to the window, and her heart sank.

As Charlie watched from a distance, a knot tightened in his stomach as she witnessed the horrifying scene unfolding before her. Lizzie, seemingly oblivious to the danger, gleefully played with the walker, her innocent laughter ringing through the air. Carol sprang into action with a speed and determination. With a primal instinct, she lunged forward, pulling Lizzie away from the walker's grasp just in the nick of time. The air seemed to crackle with tension as Carol wrestled with the undead creature, her every movement fueled by a mother's fierce protectiveness.

In the very moment, she felt another presence behind her. The man switched off the fire, so the whistle of the boiling water went quiet. Before he asked what was going on he looked out of the window. As it was quiet around, they both could hear a loud scream coming from Lizzie's mouth."She didn't want to hurt anybody! She was my friend and you killed her! You killed her!"

Tyreese's realization dawned slowly, like a dark cloud creeping across the sky. At first, he dismissed Lizzie's unsettling behavior as the product of trauma and fear, a child struggling to cope with the horrors of the world around her. But as he observed her reaction now, a gnawing sense of unease began to take root in his mind. He looked at Charlie and their eyes met.

The pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place, each one a chilling revelation of the truth that lurked beneath the surface. The way Lizzie spoke about the walkers with an unsettling sense of familiarity, the disturbing drawings she created depicting violence and death – it all pointed to a deeply disturbed mind, a darkness that threatened to consume them all. However, nothing could be done.

The group needed to hunt down the deer they saw near the house. Charlie volunteered for that, and she decided to take Mika with her as she knew the importance of teaching her the skills necessary for survival, but he also felt the weight of responsibility resting heavily on her shoulders.

With a steady hand and a reassuring smile, Charlie guided Mika through the dense undergrowth, her senses on high alert for any sign of danger. She imparted her knowledge of tracking and hunting with patience and care, teaching her to move silently and stealthily through the forest like a ghost in the night. Remembering how Daryl used to teach her.

"The fire's still burning," the girl said, looking at the smoke that was raising in the distance for couple days now.

"It could have gone out," Charlie shrugged.

"Nope. The smoke is black," Mika argued. "If it was white, the fire wouldn't have be burning anymore," she said and smiled after seeing dumbfounded face of Charlie. "I miss science class. Except for when we had to do stuff like cut up planaria worms."

"There are worse things you've got to do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do," Charlie said with a firm voice and stopped walking. "Lizzie's bigger than you and in some ways she's stronger. But you're smarter and you understand these...things," she explained. Suddenly from behind the bushes appeared a big and shiny deer. He stopped a couple feet away, and proudly straightened his back. Charlie nudged the girl. "Do it. I showed you."

Charlie furrowed her brows as the girl turned to her. "I can't. We have peaches."

Charlie sighed in a defense, but smiled and nodded her head.

Carol and Tyreese were talking near the well as they were getting water for whatever reason. Their conversation seemed rather serious judging by Carol's face. But it break into a huge, bright smile as she saw Charlie approaching. "You're back already? Where's Mika?"

"She wanted to find Lizzie, so she could tell her about the hunt."

"And the deer?"

Charlie sighed. "Mika couldn't bring herself to shoot that deer and it was gone before I had a chance to shoot."

"Yeah, she's always been sensitive," Carol nodded.

"I'm not sure if she'll ever be able to pull the trigger."

"And you're so calm?" Tyreese narrowed his eyes in surprise.

Charlie looked up from the water source as she was washing her hands. "What am I supposed to do? Yell at her?" she asked annoyed. "She's a little girl, and I'm not a monster."

Carol exchanged glances with each other. "You weren't so soft with Carl."

"Sorry?"

"You didn't have any resistance to yell at him or put him at the edge of tears," she remembered.

Charlie's frustration simmered at Carol. She felt a pang of hurt at the accusation, her emotions torn between defending herself and understanding Carol's perspective. Deep down, Charlie knew she wasn't heartless, but the accusation still stung, leaving her feeling misunderstood and defensive. Maybe at first she wasn't the nicest to the boy, but he grew on her and became a close person to her heart. She never said anything to purposely hurt him...or did she? Carol's disapproving gaze only fueled Charlie's irritation, leaving her to wonder if maybe she was being too hard on the boy.

"Carl was a boy," Charlie straightened her back. Her annoyance increased at the mention of his name. "He needed to toughen up. Also, he was older than her..." she said, but as she voiced that she wasn't so sure. Carl didn't have any problems with guns; however, he was a sensitive child. Maybe she just had problem with identifying that and later it was too late to treat him gently. "Carl was different. I'll keep teaching her, but it's hard."

"She's got a good heart, Charlie," Carol said. "We'll find a way to keep her safe, even if it means stepping in ourselves."

"That's only the next reason why we should stay here," Tyreese changed the subject.

"What?"

"You liked the idea the other night."

"Yeah, I wanted to stay for couple of days not forever," Charlie said. "What if someone is alive and is in the Terminus?"

"We don't know that, sweet thing," Carol shook her head. "We don't know what waits us there."

"We can't stay here forever. We will run out of supplies eventually," she argued.

"Charlie, we can't risk heading to Terminus right now," Tyreese said. "It's too uncertain."

She didn't answer.

"We found this house for a reason — to stay hidden and regroup," Carol said.

"Regroup?" she scoffed. "Who do you want to regroup?"

"What would Daryl do?" the other woman asked. "You think he would want to risk Judith's life?"

"I think he would like to go to the Terminus if that meant reconnecting with the rest."

"Listen, we need a plan," the man said as the voice of reason. "Terminus might be a trap, and we can't gamble with our safety. Let's fortify here, gather resources, and figure out our next move together."

"Charlie! Carol! Help!

Carol, Charlie, and Tyreese sprinted through the trees, their hearts pounding as they heard the distant screams of the girls. Fear clenched at their chests, driving them forward with urgency. With each step, branches whipped past them, and the forest blurred into a chaotic mosaic of greens and browns. Adrenaline surged through their veins as they pushed themselves to move faster, desperate to reach the girls before it was too late.

As they burst into the clearing, they found Mika trapped, terror etched on her face as she struggled against the relentless advance of the walker. Without a thought, Carol shoot the Walker in the head which gave the girl a time to run from the five or six more.

Charlie didn't have a gun, so she was just watching what was happening in front of her, how the dead were dropping to the ground like flies. Her eyes widened in surprise as she watched Lizzie take aim and fire at the approaching walkers. She never expected the young girl to have the courage, let alone the skill, to defend herself in such a manner - especially in the light of past events. Her expression determined as she continued to take down the undead with steady shots.

Charlie couldn't help but feel a mix of shock and admiration for the girl's resilience in the face of danger. Maybe today's situation showed her the true nature of Walkers and their problem solved itself.

As the evening settled in after the harrowing ordeal of having to kill walkers, a somber atmosphere hung heavy over the group. They gathered around a flickering fire, the crackling flames casting long shadows that danced against the walls of their makeshift shelter. Charlie was sitting down on the floor, brushing the leaves out of Mika's hair as the girl was playing with a doll. Charlie once again began humming a lullaby and in a second Judith fell asleep in Tyreese's arms - along with Tyreese.

Despite the heaviness in the air, there was a sense of solidarity among them, a silent understanding that they were in this together, bound by a shared determination to survive. And as the night wore on, they found solace in each other's presence, drawing strength from the bonds that held them tight in the face of the uncertain future.

"I had to help stop them," said Lizzie in a low ton. She was still tense from what she had to do, and the emotions still fresh in her.

"Do you understand what they're now?" Carol asked.

"I know..." Lizzie nodded. "I know what I have to do now."

Carol's eyes met Charlie's and she nodded, so the other woman could continue her conversation with Lizzie. It was the right moment to convince her what was good and what was bad.

"It's ugly and it's scary," Carol said. "That's how we got to be here. That's growing up now."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," said Mikka suddenly, showing that she wasn't mindlessly playing with a toy.

"You have to be sometimes," Lizzie answered and then looked up at Charlie. "But just sometimes."

She smiled at her lightly and nodded her head, caressing Mika's hair. "Sometimes."

Sitting around the fire, Charlie couldn't help but smile as she listened to the girls' laughter as they were making cookies with Carol, their youthful energy a welcome respite from the harsh realities of their world.

And as they sat together surrounded by the warmth of the fire that was lighting up the room, Charlie couldn't help but feel grateful for the makeshift family she had found in the midst of the chaos, knowing that as long as they had each other, they could face whatever challenges lay ahead with strength and resilience.

Or so they thought...

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[holdmytesseract]

You're My Destiny

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Summary: Barely after he left his home, Daryl starts to question himself, if he made the right decision. Can he find his way back to you and finally bite the bullet?

Warnings: angst (sorry!), walkers, blood, injuries, uhh, swear words, fluff! I promise, it has a happy end this time! 🥺

Set in Season 11 - or well, rather after season 11!

Word Count: 4,2k (Whoops...)

a/n: This is a second part to 'Missed Chances', in order to make up for this sad ending. ☺️ There's a scene in this one, which the lot of you will find awfully familiar. Daryl kind of experiences something he already experienced before - in Season 2, to be precisely. I had the idea to kind of rewrite this scene, but changing it up. Anyways, you'll see what I mean. ☺️ I hope you guys like this second part! I do! 🥰

Divider by the wonderful @fictive-sl0th ! 💚

Tagging... @in-this-minute @thefemininemystiquee @hotgirlsshareaccounts @azanoni @lokisgoodgirl @goobysgoobers @fuseburner @fictive-sl0thh @alexreadz07 @sweetpeapod ...plus @hxad-ovxr-hxart @browneyes528 @starfirette @nuhogom @faithsreades because you seemed to enjoy the first part as well!

Masterlist

One day and one night. That was how long ago had Daryl left Alexandria and the Commonwealth behind him, in order to search for his brother and friend. One day and one night was he already separated from his friends, from his family - from you. He missed them. Without a doubt. He missed the kids, Carol, Connie - and everybody else. But he missed nobody as much as he missed you. It seemed like the more he distanced himself from home, the more he missed you. It started with a tiny crack in his heart, which had turned within those 24 hours into a gaping wound. Sure, he was out there to find and bring back Judith's and RJ's parents, but all he could think about was you. How sad you were when he left. How you cried. The hurt in your voice and eyes.

A big sigh left the archer's lips, as he sat at the small campfire he had made. He couldn't even consider finding sleep that night; so he stayed awake and now watched how the sun replaced the moon. What am I going to do now? Daryl asked himself, chewing absently on the inside of his lip. Moving on, hoping that the pain in his chest would dissipate and his brain would stop thinking about you all the time? Daryl stared into the dying flame of the fire, taking another deep breath and standing up. Yes. That was exactly what he was going to do. It's jus' homesickness, the archer told himself, brushing it off. He extinguished the fire, grabbed his things and sat on his bike; ready to move on. Although, Daryl didn't get far. He had been driving for a few hours now, trying to focus on his mission - but no matter how hard he tried, his mind was always taking him back to the woman he left behind in Alexandria. In fact, the archer was so in thoughts, that he didn't even see the single walker limping in some distance over the deserted, empty road he drove on. When Daryl realised, that he was about to crash into a hungry, growling monster, it was too late. "Shit!" He cursed, trying to dodge the walker in the last possible second - which worked out; but unfortunately, he lost the grip, went into a skid and fell. Daryl got thrown off the vehicle, landed harshly on the roadside. And with that not enough... He had been just passing by an old, very much destroyed farm - and with that a fence along the street, which had probably lined before the downfall a paddock. The fence was made of wooden stakes and barbwire - and Daryl hit the fence with full force. Human body against steel? It was pretty clear who won that duel. The barbwire ripped the shirt he wore and cut easily through his skin and flesh, leaving a gaping wound on his right side. A painful gasp left the archer's mouth, as he tried to reorientate himself and get up, but it was no use. The fall he had just taken wasn't a small one... Daryl tried to turn to examine his wound. It bled - a lot. And it was quite a deep cut, that much he could tell. His breath was laboured; the sun burning down on him. Suddenly, the world around him started to spin, before darkness overcame him.

Daryl's eyes fluttered slightly open, immediately blinded by the bright light shining down on him. "Hey!" A voice suddenly called out from somewhere above him. "Wake up!" Daryl shifted slightly, gritting his teeth at the pain, shooting through his side. "Brother, you need to wake up!" Listening to the familiar, yet far away voice, he forced his eyes to open again. After getting used to the brightness, he suddenly saw a familiar figure squatted down beside him, looking down in concern at him. Rick. "There ya go, brother." Daryl swallowed, blinking and feeling himself slipping in and out of consciousness. "What ya doin' here?" Rick chuckled, shaking his head. "Lookin' after your sorry ass, of course." Daryl just scoffed. "Listen to me, man. You gotta go back home. You're hurt, brother - badly. That cut needs to get stitched up. You can search for me on another day." The archer scoffed once again. "Pfft. Don need that. 'M fine. That never stopped me before. Been through much worse." Another chuckle left Rick's lips, "You're one hell of a stubborn idiot, ya know that?" as he was shaking his head. "It's not just because of that... You need to go back to Y/N; finally man up and tell 'er that you love 'er." Daryl shook his head. "Can't tell 'er." Rick literally snorted out a laugh at the archer's words, "Yes you can." and looked down on his best friend. "Drive back, get your woman and that wound fixed, then keep on searchin' - with her." The archer huffed out a breath. "Ya really think she wants me to be more than jus' a friend? That's ridiculous." "It's not. I know she does. That girl always had eyes just for you, did you never notice? Always makin' sure you're alright. Always lookin' out for you. That's way more than just friendship. If that ain't love, I dunno what it is." "Ya think?" Rick nodded. "I know it." Daryl could've sworn that Rick smiled at him, but his vision went awfully blurry again. "Trust me, brother." The words were quiet and far away, almost like an echo. It was the last thing Daryl heard, before he slipped back into unconsciousness.  

They next time he woke up, it was due to a sound as well. Although, it wasn't Rick's voice. It wasn't any voice he knew at all, no... It was the familiar sound of snarling and growling; followed by snapping teeth. Walker. Abruptly, as if stung by an adder, Daryl shot up, ripping his eyes open. His survival instincts kicking in. He quickly - almost frantically reached for his knife, which was still tucked in its knife sheath, while the walker came closer and closer. When the undead, skinny man threw himself on top of Daryl, trying to get a bite out of his neck, he used every strength left in his weakened body to keep his snapping teeth at distance. Once he finally got his knife out of its sheath he drove the blade into the walker's skull, causing it to fall limp and lifelessly on top of Daryl, hitting his chest with a thud. The archer closed shortly his eyes, trying to get his heavy breathing under control.

Grunting, he shoved the dead body off of him, feeling suddenly taken back in time. He had been in such a situation before, years and years back, when he was searching for a little girl named Sophia... The accident, the wound, the unconsciousness, the hallucinations, the walker(s)... Only difference seemed to be that he didn't see Merle this time... He had seen Rick.

Rick. His brother's words echoed through his head again. You gotta go back home. You need to go back to Y/N; finally man up and tell 'er that you love 'er. Daryl swallowed. Love her... Did he really? An image of a smiling Y/N popped up in his head next, causing his stomach to flip. Yes... Probably it was true. That he, in fact, did love that woman. Rick was right - even though he had been just a hallucination. He had to go back. Taking a deep breath, he managed to get up, gritting his teeth as another wave of pain shot through his system. Once Daryl was back on his feet, he examined the deep cut on his side again. Hissing, he ripped off the sleeves of his already damaged shirt, tied them together and slung them tightly around his waist, in order to staunch the wound. After that was done, he more or less stumbled back to his bike, bringing up all the strength he got left to pick it up from the ground. Luckily, the damage was not as bad as he anticipated. The archer was way more affected by the accident than his beloved vehicle. He swung his leg over the motorcycle saddle, then tried to start the engine. It started up. Thank god it started up. Inhaling deeply, he started to drive down the deserted street, going as fast as he could. Sure, the archer knew that driving a bike with a deep cut and high blood loss wasn't a thing you should do, but what choice did he have? All he had to do, was drive fast and keep himself awake someway, somehow.

You stood on one of the guard towers, looking at the beautiful world to your feet. Beautiful, yet deadly. So many threats were lurking outside these walls... Not just walkers. Hopefully Daryl wouldn't run into a death trap on his journey. You'd never know if he... You shook your head. No. You couldn't think like that. He was going to come back to you - someday. Like the others said... Like he promised. If somebody could survive out there, it was him. He didn't choose this world.... This world had chosen him - that was how it seemed to be. The distant hum of an approaching engine ripped you out of your thoughts. Squinting your eyes, you tried to make out something between the trees of the forest, but you couldn't see anything. Why didn't I take my binoculars with me? Nevertheless, your senses were sharpened now, always ready to react. Could be a threat...

The closer the sounds got, the easier it was to identify the engine. It was a motorcycle, without a doubt. Frowning, you tried to think who was riding a bike besides... Your eyes widened. Daryl? Could... Could it really be? Once again you shook your head. No. It was impossible. It couldn't be Daryl. He just left. Not even two days ago... Why would he come back?

Well, you were proven wrong. The motorcycle got closer and closer, and when it was in your field of view, you recognised the archer immediately. Once again, your eyes widened. "Daryl..." You mumbled to yourself, literally couldn't believe what you saw. Maybe this was all just a trick? What if your brain was fooling you? It wasn't. You would recognise him anywhere. Your heart skipped a beat, stomach flipping 360 degrees, as you started to smile brightly. "Daryl!" You screamed from the top of your lungs, happily. But as fast as your smile spread on your lips, as fast vanished it again. Daryl didn't make it to the gate. About hundred feet before the steel doors, he stopped his bike, got off it - and immediately tipped over; his body hitting the hard ground, seemingly unconscious. Your heart fell, just like your facial expressions. "Oh gods..." As fast as your legs could carry you, you climbed down the ladder, before opening the big steel door. You could hear the blood rush into your ears, as you ran through the opened gate and straight to Daryl. Fear, you had never felt in your life before pumped through your veins; afraid of losing the man you loved.

"Daryl!" He didn't respond. "Daryl!" You tried again, but no answer. As soon as you reached him, you literally dropped to the ground beside him, placing both your palms on his shoulders. "Daryl!" His eyes were closed shut and his face was quite pale. "No, no, no..." Your eyes frantically scanned his body, searched for possible injuries. You quickly made a find. The sleeves he had apparently torn off his ragged shirt - as you noticed, were wound around his torso. They were literally drenched in dark crimson red on his right side, causing your eyes to widen once again. "Oh no, no, no..." Your shaky hands started to tie the shirtsleeves loose to examine the wound. It was a wide, deep cut, still slightly oozing with blood. The skin around it was unhealthily reddened and swollen. It didn't look good at all. "Shit," you cursed, feeling tears already well up in your eyes. Turning around for help, you saw another Alexandrian. Quickly taking your chance, you called out to him. "Hey!" His head snapped in your direction. "Get help! Get Tomi! Daryl's hurt! Go!" He immediately seemed to understand and ran off. Sure, you could've gotten a doctor yourself, but you didn't want to leave Daryl's side. It was too dangerous out here. If a walker was going to stroll by, Daryl would be easy prey.

Therefore, that your head was turned to the gate, you didn't notice the fluttering of Daryl's eyelids, until a weak, small voice called out your name. "Y/N?" Hearing his voice, you quickly turned around again, eyes landing on his face. "Daryl!" You placed both your hands back on his shoulders. "Why are you back?! What happened?!" He didn't answer you. He had an idle glance, not even looking at you. Only now did you see the sweat, which had gathered on his forehead and cheeks. You swallowed hard. He had a very bad infection. "Y/N." Your name leaving his lips brought you back to reality. "Daryl... I-I'm here. I'm here..." You tried to reassure him immediately. "He told me to go back to ya..." Daryl breathed out suddenly, breathing heavily. You frowned. "Who told you that?" "He told me to tell ya..." Daryl was talking in riddles. "Tell me what, Daryl? Who is he?" "I love ya." Those three words you had waited such a long time for to leave his lips finally urged to your ears. Your jaw dropped as you couldn't believe it. A weak smile spread on his lips. "I love ya." Daryl repeated over and over again, voice growing quieter and quieter; eyes fluttering shut again. That was the moment you awoke from your rigidity. Your hands flew up to cup his beardy, sweaty cheeks. "Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no. Stay with me Daryl, please. Stay with me…" You rubbed his cheeks gently, but it was no use. He was already unconscious once again. You couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They were falling, rolling down your cheeks and dropping onto Daryl's chest. "No, no, no, please... Wake up..." You whispered. "Wake up..." He didn't. You felt so helpless and vulnerable in that moment; not knowing what to do or how to save him. You were lost and almost like paralyzed. All you could do was cry.

Through the haze you were in, you suddenly heard quick footsteps approaching. "Y/N!" Tomi. "Y/N! What happened?!" Miko's brother rushed to your side, quickly kneeling down beside you. As you didn't react, he gently touched your shoulder, causing you to flinch. "Hey. It's alright. It's just me." You looked at him with blurry red eyes. "What happened?!" Tomi asked again, as his eyes landed on Daryl's wound. You shook your head; completely overwhelmed by the situation. "I-I don't know he... He just said someone told him to go back to me to tell me something and-" You stopped abruptly in the middle of your sentence, realising what you were going to say. "And what, Y/N? And what?" You blinked, eyes meeting Tomi's once again. "That he loves me..." The doctor just looked at you for a moment, before his eyes travelled back to the wound. "Okay, this looks really bad. The wound is clearly infected. We have to do something now, or he is going to die of a sepsis." You frantically nodded, fresh tears pooling in the corners of your eyes. "W-What do we do?!" Just as Tomi wanted to answer, another voice cut through the air. "What is happening here?" Ezekiel. Tomi quickly turned around and explained the governor what was going on. "What do we do?!" You cried out again, interrupting the men's conversation. Tomi shook his head. "You are going to do nothing. You stay with Ezekiel, while I try to help him, okay?" You shook your head. "N-No! I-I can't leave him, I-" "Please, Y/N." Tomi insisted, nodding towards Ezekiel, who helped you up gently from the ground and took you with him. "B-But..." "No, it's for the best." You were way too weak to argue or fight, so you just let Ezekiel lead you away. From the corners of your eyes, you saw how quite a few other men came rushing to help bring Daryl inside the safety of the walls; disappearing inside the big building which was the infirmary.

Ezekiel took you to a quiet place in Alexandria and sat down with you on the warm, soft grass. "Firstly, take a deep breath, Y/N." You did what he said, inhaling deeply. "Good. Now tell me what happened - if you want to." You looked at the friendly man with the grey dreadlocks beside you, who gave you a warm, supportive smile. He was a wonderful friend, without a doubt. You nodded meekly, eyes lifting to meet his. "I-I was on the guard tower and saw that bike approaching." You started, fumbling anxiously with your hands. "I-It was Daryl. Gods, I was so happy to see him, a-and then he got off his bike and just... fell motionless to the ground. I-I was so afraid. I ran to him, saw that he was unconscious a-and that wound on his side... He was awake for a short moment. I-I asked him what happened and why he was back, but he didn't answer me... All he said was that someone told him to go back to me, to tell me something and..." You took another deep breath, feeling another tear roll down your cheek. "And that he loves me." Ezekiel's eyes widened, "He told you he loves you?" before a wide smile spread on his face, "Uh.Huh." accompanied by his signature laugh. "Finally! That's wonderful, Y/N. Isn't this what you always wanted to hear him say?" "Y-Yes but... He was more unconscious than conscious; and he had presumably very high fever. What if he didn't mean it?" Ezekiel laughed once again. "Oh Y/N... He may have been not quite in his right mind, but... I insure you, that he meant this with all his heart. You two have been dancing around each other for ages now." The king said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "It's obvious." You just nodded; your mind already bombarding you with the next bad thought. "A-And what if he's going to die?" The man shook his head. "He won't die. Tomi is a great doctor. He's going to fix him up. Hell, he even made it to fix me." Once more Ezekiel laughed, causing you to stifle a small giggle as well. "Trust me. Daryl won't die because of a cut and an infection. It may look bad, but this man went through far worse than that." "I know," you snivelled. "I know."

The waiting was excruciating. Not knowing what was happening to Daryl was eating you up inside. You were really glad that Ezekiel stayed by your side, with the others coming around as well, after they had heard what happened. First and foremost, Carol. It was her best friend, after all.

You couldn't tell how much time had passed, but when Tomi exited the infirmary, you were literally sprinting to meet him. He saw you coming his way, giving you immediately a smile. Must be a good sign, you thought. It was.

"A-And? H-How is he, Tomi?" The doctor nodded, still softly smiling. "He's okay." A relieved breath left your lips and you just couldn't help yourself, but to hug Tomi - who hugged you back with a gentle laugh. "We cleaned the wound, stitched it up and gave him antibiotics. The fever went down. He's asleep now." "Thank god... Can I go to him?" "Of course. Down the corridor, second room on the left." You smiled, hugging Miko's brother once again. "Thank you, Tomi. I mean it. Really. Thank you." The man smiled at you, nodding and squeezing your shoulder, before he turned on his heel and walked away - probably off to find his sister.

You went of course straight inside the building, entering the second room on the left and sat down on the chair beside Daryl's bed. He was still fast asleep and you didn't want to wake him, so you just stayed quiet, taking his limp hand gently into yours. You studied every inch of his face. His closed eyes. His nose. His lips. The slight grey stubble, which covered mostly his chin and upper lip; only a few sparse hairs on his cheeks. You smiled. So peaceful - and handsome.

You didn't know how long you were just sitting by his side, watching over Daryl and waiting for him to wake up again, but suddenly, you felt his hand twitch in yours, alarming you that he might was about to wake up. "Daryl?" You spoke softly, quietly. The archer's eyelids fluttered, face contorting. He blinked, blue, greyish eyes looking up at you. You smiled, squeezing his hand. "Hey." You whispered, "Y/N?" and nodded. "Yes, it's me. I'm here." Daryl swallowed visibly, eyes carefully roaming around the spacious room. "Am I back home?" "Yes, you are. We are in Alexandria." He then eyed you again - almost critically. "Are ya real?" You giggled slightly at his question, "Yes, I am real. I'm here." and squeezed his hand again, in order to 'proof' it. "So 'm not hallucinating again?" You frowned at his words, slight worry coming up inside you again. This meant nothing good... Daryl nodded, clearing his throat - what caused you to immediately jump into action and hand him the glass of water, which stood on the bedside table. Tomi must've prepared it. He literally gulped down the clear liquid. "Thanks." You smiled at him once again, though it was a very uptight smile. Hallucinating? "I was hallucinating. Can't be any other way..." "What happened?" "Well... I was ridin' my bike down that street, was in thoughts, didn't see that damn walker standin' there, lost control over the bike and yeah... Got thrown right into that barb wire fence." Your eyes widened. "You had a motorcycle accident?" "Yeah. It's nothin'. Jus' a lil' scratch. Wasn't the first." You narrowed your eyes, frowning. How could he play this off so easily? As if it was nothing? "Daryl... You could've died... This isn't nothing." "I know… but I didn't." The man paused for a second, biting his lip, before he continued. "Guess I would've, if he didn't tell me to go back." "Who?" "Rick." Now you were utterly confused. Was this the hallucination he was talking about? Must be. "Rick?" Daryl nodded. "Yeah. I saw Rick. He, uh, kinda woke me up, told me that I had ta go back and fix my wound... Like I said, I was hallucinatin'. From the blood loss, I suppose." "Well, that's kind of crazy, but also beautiful? If you know what I mean?" He nodded. "Yeah..."

You smiled and started to trace the shape of his skull tattoo on the back of his hand with your thumb. "I am very glad you are now here and okay... I missed you." The archer smiled back at you softly. "I missed ya, too." Daryl's words followed a somehow weird and awkward silence, like something unspoken hung in between you and him. Well... There was something. "Daryl?" "Yeah?" Now or never. Man up, Y/N, man the fuck up! "Y-You, um... You were saying, uh, things, when I came to you, shortly after you fell of this bike and were conscious for a moment." You paused, had to take a shaky breath. "I-I don't know if you remember, but... Y-You... You said that-" "I love ya?" Daryl interrupted you, finishing your sentence. Your eyes widened. "Y-You can remember?" He swallowed, visibly, nervous now. "Kinda blurry, but I do remember sayin' that." A beat of silence passed, in which you were just staring down at Daryl. Your heart beat rapidly against your ribcage; threatening to just break free. You didn't know if you should be happy now or not. Remembering to have said something - in a not so great condition, and actually meaning it, were two completely different things. You swallowed, trying to scrape together all the courage you had to ask him the question, which was ghosting through your head. "S-So, uh, is... Is it true? Did you... Did you mean it?" The archer bit his lip, recalling 'Rick's' words in his mind. Finally man up and tell 'er that you love 'er. "Yes." You blinked, still just staring at him and probably afraid to trust your ears. "Y-Yes?" He started to nod. "Loved ya for ages, but didn't have the balls to tell ya. I know I should've told ya earlier and-" You quickly jumped to interrupt him, overwhelmed by your feelings. Your lips collided with his, pulling Daryl into a long overdue kiss. You would've anticipated that he was completely surprised by your sudden, rather bold move - but he wasn't. Quite the opposite... Daryl kissed you back on an instant, as if he had been waiting for exactly this moment.

You smiled like a Cheshire Cat, cupping the man's cheeks again. "I've waited such a long time for this to finally happen." Daryl smiled that sweet smile, softly blushing. "Me too." "Everybody did!" Ezekiel suddenly spoke up behind you. He was leaning against the door frame, smiling widely, causing your cheeks to redden as well. Who knew? Perhaps you and Daryl were always meant to be together? Perhaps, he was your destiny.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

The Dialogue That Sent A Ship Reeling And What It Might Mean for the Overall Story Arc

***Possible spoilers for future episodes****

@bookqueenrules:

So, I read a ton of reviews of season 1 before episode 1 aired. Many of the reviews were from “Carlyers”. I am always interested in seeing their perspective.  

They all seemed to agree on a few things.

First and foremost, they HATED Daryl’s response to Laurent in this exchange from episode 1:

 L: “Do you have children, a wife, parents?”

D: “No, nothing like that.”

I believe this exchange at the beginning of the episode speaks VOLUMES about Daryl’s “happy ending”.  We see him think of Judith and Carol, the people he is closest to at home, as he is regaining consciousness.  However, soon after that he does not acknowledge Judith as “his child” nor does he acknowledge Carol as a type of “wife” or “life partner”. 

This tells us that in Daryl and the writer’s minds Daryl has never been a father nor husband/life partner to anyone, yet. 

Being able to be a good husband and father after the abuse and trauma Daryl has experienced, I believe, will be his happy ending. 

Another thing they seem to hate is that by the end of the series, Daryl is torn as to whether he should stay with Laurent and Isabelle or keep trying to go home.  I assume that happens in episode 6 because a DEVOTED Carlyer said that was the hardest episode for her to watch.  Daryl being torn is more understandable when you see the parallels in Daryl’s mind: Isabelle is a platonic friend he becomes close to(Carol), and Laurent is a child that is not his, but that he feels responsible for because the parents are not around (Judith). Now, of course, we all know he will and should choose TF, but just the fact that he is torn should let the viewer know that Daryl still feels he is missing “something”.  Back to that in a minute.  I think it’s helpful to look at all of Daryl’s close relationships during the flagship to see why Daryl is still looking for “something”. That “something” is to belong to someone.

Merle- Daryl did at one time “belong” to Merle. It was just the two of them.  Neither had other close family nor significant romantic partners or friends.  It was a dysfunctional type of belonging, but a “belonging” none the less.  Daryl believed he belonged with Merle.  In season 3, Daryl was torn between his new family(TF) and Merle. He did leave with Merle, but would have returned to TF even if he hadn’t convinced Merle to go back to the prison with him. So, he chose TF over Merle in the end. 

Beth- Beth is the ONLY character that Daryl asks to settle down with him.  HE asks HER to stay at the funeral home and try to make a life.  He gives up looking for Rick, Carol, and the rest of TF. He feels he now BELONGS to Beth. This is an example of functional “belonging” because she restores his faith in himself and in the possibility of good in the world.  This is further emphasized in the “Buttons” episode where Daryl and Aaron are trying to save Buttons the horse.  Oh! Buttons the horse, Daryl’s highlighted button in the promo pictures, and the button on Beth’s necklace… Sorry, I just made that connection as I type!  Major symbolism there. I digress. In that episode, Daryl says of Buttons, “He once belonged to someone, but now he just belongs to himself.”  The implication being that the statement is true of both the horse and Daryl. 

Rick- Rick becomes the better brother Merle never was. However, he can never really belong to Rick in the same way he did Merle because Rick has a family of his own and didn’t live through the same childhood trauma Merle and Daryl did. 

Leah- Daryl is torn between belonging with her, TF, and searching for Rick.  He leaves even though she has issued an ultimatum. It’s only after she is “gone” that he says he belongs with her. I believe that indicates that Daryl really does want to belong to someone, but Leah is not the right one.  He knew it when he walked out on her.

Carol has belonged to Zeke for a long time now. Even when they drifted apart, they drifted back together.  Before him, Carol belonged to herself drifting in and out of storylines fighting her need NOT to belong to anyone. She initiated romantic connections while Daryl was free and clear to form that kind of attachment with if she chose. Zeke is the one that showed Carol she could have her “happy ending” family after the dysfunction she experienced with Ed and Sophia. Though Henry didn’t live, Carol still had six years of a “happy ending”. 

After telling Judith he wouldn’t leave her, why does Daryl leave to explore? There were many others in Alexandria and Hilltop who could have gone.  So, Daryl must have WANTED to go. Judith seems to be OK with it because she connects it to his “happy ending”. Carlyers are interpreting Daryl’s call to the Commonwealth, presumably to Carol, about coming home in a week, as Daryl realizing his “mistake” and wanting to come home to his “happy ending” being Carol and Judith. If that were the case, he would have responded differently to Laurent’s question. 

The Carlyers all LOVED the last minute of the season(We can all guess that is when Carol shows)

They also agree that some of the themes are fatherhood, purpose, and belonging. Curiously, they don’t see the “happy ending” as a theme for the most part. It’s been pretty obvious, but few of them comment on it. I am assuming that episode 5 will be heavily related to the theme of fatherhood based on some vaguely worded reviews. 

  I wanted to mention a couple of other things that I don’t believe you discussed in the video. Forgive me if I just missed them.

Isabelle’s comment in the bath about scars showing you have healed.  I believe that is heavy foreshadowing for Daryl healing his scars from childhood.

Also, I don’t believe you mentioned the radio in the “map room”. Would that be another Sirius/radio connection? I thought it was interesting that Isabelle is caught in a lie about the radio. It is clear that Isabelle is willing to lie and manipulate to get what she wants.  She reminds me of Carol in that way.  She feels the ends justify the means for the greater good. She also reminds me of Carol in the sense that Daryl, Carol, and Isabelle are all characters who were “broken before the world ended”.  It was after the world ended that Beth broke for a moment, but all of these characters have proven they are survivors. It will be interesting to see that play out if/when they all meet. 

@twdmusicboxmystery​:

Love, love, LOVE everything you said here! And totally agree! It’s fun to know what the Carylers are saying.

Honestly, I hadn’t thought much about Daryl’s reply about not having a wife and kids. And great call about the foreshadowing there. It’s clear that he’ll have them eventually, and we all know it won’t be with Carol. 

Honestly, I think the reason he’ll be so torn will be Laurent, rather than Isabelle. I was thinking as I read what you wrote is that part of the reason he was willing to leave Judith was 

1) she doesn’t truly need him anymore. She’s okay with him going, which means she a happy, healthy, well-adjusted kid. He still loves and wants to be with her, but if someone else is depending on him as a lifeline physically or emotionally, well, he’s going to stay for as long as they need him. And Judith is such a badass all by herself, that she doesn’t necessarily. 

2) It’s also true that he doesn’t see her as truly “his” and if there’s any chance her real dad (Rick, although biologically that’s a can of worms, lol) is still out there, he wants to bring Rick home to her. So, once again, it’s Daryl doing something for someone else, rather than himself. Which is why Judith says the thing about the happy ending to begin with. She recognizes that he deserves to think about his own happiness every once in awhile, rather than everyone else’s. 

Anyway, I’m actually excited to see the part where he’s torn about staying or going. It plays into Daryl’s changing his mind/what changed your mind theme, which started with Beth and has been constantly in play since S4. 

Isabelle reminds me a lot of Leah. Not in her personality or toxicity, of course. But in the sense that she’s an interesting blend of Carol and Beth. I already like her relationship with Daryl and I can see them becoming close friends. People say Clemence Posey’s performance here is really amazing. Up there with Norman’s. So I’m excited to see more of both of them.

Thanks so much for the post! Absolutely love it! 

Oh, and yes, the radio is a Sirius symbol. Because Sirius Radio XM. It’s also part of the Communication Theme. 

Thanks Dear! 

[enid-rhees]

hi its me again 😭 can you do an enid x reader where they have to baby sit judith or hershel jr (or both), and it’s just pure chaos and fluff and the end? ty and i love ur writing so much 🫶🏽🫶🏽

hello hello 🫶🏻🫶🏻 i hope you enjoy this !! tysm again for ur kind words all the time 🫶🏻🫶🏻

warnings: none! just the kids being kids :)

A/N: hope you all enjoy !! reqs are currently open and i currently have around 2 more in my inbox so look out for those :))

the walkie that sat on your bedside table started to buzz, making you furrow your eyebrows. it almost never went off.

“Y/N i stole this thing from Maggie you better pick up.” Enid’s static voice rang through. you laughed, leaning over to grab it and turning it on. “Enid? what the hell are you doing?”

she sighed through the walkie, “i don’t think i can come over anymore. Maggie asked me to watch Hershel for the day. unless you want me to bring him there as well but he’s going to be lou-“

“Rick asked me to watch Judith as well! come over with Hershel, it’ll be like a playdate!” you looked over at Judith who was sitting on your bed next to you, playing with the hair of a Barbie doll.

Enid laughed, “you’re joking. two toddlers and us? your house is going to be demolished.” you shook your head, even though she couldn’t see you. “we know how to take care of them, though! nothing bad should happen…”

“you don’t sound confident.”

“i’m so confident. now come over, i miss you.” you said to her, turning off the walkie completely so she couldn’t reply. you picked up Judith from your bed and held her against your side as you opened your bedroom door, making your way downstairs. you set her on the couch and handed her a toy while you waited for Enid.

a few minutes later, the doorknob started to turn and Enid finally walked in. she was leaning down slightly as Hershel was holding onto her hand. your heart warmed at the sight.

“hey, pretty.” you smiled, walking over to her. she wrapped her arms over your neck, “hey,” she smiled back. you both leaned in, lips meeting in the middle. “i missed you.” you whispered against her lips.

“you saw me last night,” she teased, a giggle escaping her lips. “but i can never get enough of you. need you here at all times.”

“one day.” she mumbled, pressing one more kiss to your lips.

the two of you turned around when you heard a fake gag. you looked over at Judith, who was pouting at you two. “Judith, who taught you how to do that?” you asked with another laugh.

“Carl.” she responded. “i saw him do it and Mom and Dad. and you.” you gaped at Judith as Enid put her hands over her mouth, trying to muffle her laughs.

you reached your hand onto her head of blonde curls, ruffling it. she whined, pushing your hand off her head.

“okay, kids. listen up,” you started, sitting on the coffee table in front of Judith and Hershel Jr. Enid sat down next to you.

“me and Enid are in charge of taking care of you for a little bit while your parents are out to find food and supplies for us. and they’re depending on us to keep you safe here, okay? we need you guys to be on your best behavior. got it?”

both of them nodded. “good. now, what would you guys like to do? we’re the fun ones, so we can do whatever you guys want as long as it’s safe.”

“color.” Judith spoke. “you wanna color?” you asked, making sure she wouldn’t change her mind last second. she nodded again. “what about you, Hershel? you wanna color with her? or read any of Carl’s comics? what would you like to do?”

he picked up the coloring book that sat underneath the coffee table, putting it in front of him to show you. “okay. you both wanna color. that’s good. i’ll be right back with everything you need.” Enid stayed with them as you went into Judith’s bedroom to find all of her coloring supplies.

you took everything you could find and brought them back to the living room, placing them in front of them on the table.

both of them immediately started to color on the pages of the coloring book, entering their own little worlds. you moved to sit on the recliner across from them, and Enid came over, sitting across your lap.

“see? i told you that we could do this. they’re already occupied.” you told Enid, running your hands through her hair. “we got lucky. you should’ve seen Hershel before we came here. purposely talking loud and all. acting like a maniac, running around the house. i don’t know what changed when we walked in here.” 

“Judith gets like that too. i think they do it when they’re only with one other person.”

Enid leaned back, resting her head on your chest. you laid your hands across her thighs, drawing shapes around them. “wanna stay tonight?” you asked, pressing a kiss to her hair. “yeah, that sounds great.” she lifted her head to smile up at you, briefly connecting your lips.

“Y/N?” Judith asked. you pulled away from Enid, looking over at her. “what’s up, Judith?”

she pouted, “i’m hungry.” then Hershel looked up at you two, “me too!” he exclaimed.

you and Enid stood up. “okay. we’ll cook you guys up something. anything in particular?” you asked them. they both shook their heads. you guys made your way to the kitchen, looking through the fridge and all the pantries.

“we have stuff for grilled cheese.” Enid told you. “good. lets do that,” you grabbed the cheese from the fridge as she got the butter and bread.

as you started to stove, she began buttering the bread. “do you think you might get used to something like this?” she suddenly asked you.

“like what? taking care of kids?” you questioned. she nodded, “yeah… but like our own kid. not someone else’s. ours.”

you stared blankly at the stove, trying to think of what to say. “i-i’ve thought of it. but Enid… it’s not… possible. i’d love to have one with you, really. but… right now it’s just not possible.”

“i know,” she said quickly. “i just… wanted to know your stance on it. y’know, for the future.” you smiled softly, pulling her into your side. you leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head. “one day, okay?” she smiled back and nodded. “one day,” she repeated.

you both of the grilled cheeses on the stove, silently waiting for them to cook on each side.

once they were done, Enid grabbed two paper plates from the cabinet and placed each one on them while you grabbed water bottles for them from the fridge.

when you walked back into the living room, Hershel and Judith turned to look you. the plates and water almost fell out of your hands when you noticed they both had colored markers all over their arms, legs and face.

“oh my god.” Enid mumbled. the two of you rushed to set everything down before running to them. “we left for five fucking minutes. why would you guys do this?!” you asked, grabbing Judith’s face to see how much was truly on her. Enid did the same to Hershel.

Judith shrugged, a giggle leaving her lips. you sighed, running a hand down your face. “they’re gonna be back soon.” Enid said. “we need to get this off of them. now.”

you ran to the kitchen, soaking two rags in water. once you got back, you handed one to Enid and you both started to try your hardest to get all of the stains off.

you let out a sigh of relief when you realized that the marker was coming off easily, and it didn’t take long for you to completely clean Judith off. Enid finished only a few minutes after you.

after you rung out the rags and threw them somewhere, you sat in front of the kids again.

“okay, listen up…. again. if any of your parents find out about this, we’re all in trouble. not just you two or us, but all of us. do you promise not to say a word to any of them?”

“yes,” they said at the same time. you held out your pinky to Judith, “pinky promise?” you asked. she giggled, linking her finger with yours. “good.”

you turned around, bringing over their plates of food. “now eat up. we have some water for you too.” you told them, putting both of the mini bottles in front of them.

the two of you resumed your previous position in the recliner. you started to doze off until the front door opened, and Rick, Michonne, Carl and Maggie came through.

“hey guys.” you said tiredly. “hey. everything okay here?” Rick asked. you nodded. “yeah, everything’s great. they’re just eating lunch now. they colored for a while.”

“oh, good. thank you for taking care of Judith, Y/N. i appreciate it.” you smiled. “it’s no problem. me and Judith are bff’s.” you said, and Judith giggled again.

“thanks for watching him, Enid.” you heard Maggie say to her. “of course,” she responded.

after a few minutes, you two managed to sneak off and go back upstairs now that they were back. you got into your bed and under the covers, holding Enid close to you.

“so,” you mumbled. “still think you want kids in the future?” you asked with a chuckle.

Enid lightly hit your shoulder, “shut up!” she whined, shutting up your laughs with a kiss.

[breadedsinner]

Judith Banters: Fenris

Fenris: Were you a templar in Ferelden? Is that how you are able to wield those powers?

Judith: Ah, I never explained that, did I? No, I was given lyrium and some templar training as a child, but I serve no Chantry. It was my father’s idea, so that I could better protect him and Bethany. And … if the worst should ever come to pass…

Fenris: Prudent, but all the same, that seems a cruel thing for a father to do to his children.

Judith: My father would have agreed with you.

*

Fenris: I understand the Blight is over, a new king crowned. You truly have no desire to go back?

Judith: Not none, but not enough. I could take a ship back, perhaps King Alistair would let me into the new army. And with Bethany in the Circle, there would be no cause for suspicion. I could perhaps become a true knight one day. But without my family, it would be hollow.

Fenris: I do not think your sister would want you deny your own future for her sake.

Judith: No, she wouldn’t. But with no one to support, no one to go back to … I used to dream of being a knight errant, and I would be free. I don’t feel that way anymore.

Fenris: Freedom is never so simple a thing.

*

Judith: Have you fought Darkspawn before?

Fenris: On a rare occasion. I single-handedly defended Danarius and his peers from a raid. They watched. A few applauded from their comfortable carriages, as though I was there to entertain them.

Judith: Of course they did. Worse yet, they had the means to assist you, but chose to do nothing.

Fenris: (scoffs) Why would they sully their hands with such menial tasks?

Judith: I am sorry, Fenris. I ask because I want you to be aware of the situation. I have never been to the Deep Roads before, and while there shouldn’t be as many, there will still be Darkspawn, and they will have the advantage.

Fenris: You aided me, and I shall return the favor. I will be ready.

Judith: And we will fight together, just as we did before.

*

(Act 2)

Judith: Are you still comfortable in the mansion, Fenris?

Fenris: It is sufficient. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and money for food. Far more than I often had before.

Judith: That’s not what I asked. Is the bed soft? Are you eating enough? You are awfully skinny. You know … even with Mother, Bodhan and Sandal, there really is more room than we know what to do with.

Fenris: That … is a kind offer, but I must decline. I need to … stay. Danrius might yet come to claim it.

Judith: Could I at least bring you some food sometimes? Bodhan always makes too much.

Fenris: I … would not refuse it.

*

Judith: Fenris, what happened with Hadriana … I don’t know what to say.

Fenris: What is there left to say? She is dead and nothing had changed.

Judith: No? You faced her, a woman who caused you pain. We were able to save Orana from a terrible fate. Does that not count for anything?

Fenris: I shudder to think how many more like her will suffer, if not from Hadriana, a thousand just like her.

*

(Act 3)

Fenris: What is it like… having siblings?

Judith: I remember being very young, and upset to learn that I would have to share what I had, including my parent’s attention. But I could not imagine my life without them. They were my closest, dearest friends.

Fenris: Bethany spoke of your brother often.

Judith: She did, she wanted to keep his memory alive. For the longest time, it hurt too much to even speak his name. But I think … I am getting better. I still miss him every day. I carry his memory in my heart. In a way, he is very much with me.

Fenris: I think I understand.

Judith: I think I know why you ask, and I think you know my answer. I think it would be good to keep in touch with Varania.

Fenris: I will … think on it.

*

Fenris: Will you be going to Starkhaven with Sebastian?

Judith: The plan is for me to become Viscount, that way I can better assist in the campaign to take his throne back. If that happens, I imagine I’ll be going back and forth a lot.

Fenris: I think you would make a good Viscount, for whatever that is worth. I hope you two will be happy together.

Judith: Thank you, Fenris. That means a lot. You know, I think his idea about you training elves is a good one. You know we both love you, and we’ll do all we can to support you.

Fenris: I know. Thank you, for everything.

[sonicfanthenightfury5099]

Oh oh! I got an idea for werewolf Myers! A oneshot where he and the reader are childhood friends and the reader witnesses him changing for the first time? 🤔

Old childhood friends, one a human, the other a beast.

Michael and Reader are 2000s kids, Michael is home, and you're in his old childhood home where you two used to do things together. Michael has a secret till you see what his secret is.

Old secrets

Haddonfield a quaint and peaceful town.

You didn't have many friends growing up, but one was your best friend. A quiet boy with blonde hair who looks like he's staring into a void of unknowns. Michael Myers was his name, you became fast friends to the surprise to everyone else. Michael was known in school as the creepy kid due to the fact he barely spoked, and he sometimes stands completely still for minutes without a peep. He found you interesting and warmed up to you. He would mimick what you did, and he would, on occasion, wrap his pinkie with your pinkie as his way of saying friends forever.

Halloween night, 2006

A terrible event happened at the Myers house on Lumpkin lane, Judith was discovered by her parents mauled and parts eaten by an animal turning out to be her little brother. Your parents heard about it and decided to tell you that Michael and his parents moved way after what happened, not wanting to tell you the truth about what actually happened.

As years passed and seasons changed, you wondered how Michael was doing. Was he doing what he wanted to do? Was he enjoying life in his way? You didn't fully know the truth till he came back to your life.

Traveling to that old house, the place looked dirty from years of abandonment for 15 years. Placing a little orange on the back stairs , which was a thing you did whenever out of school, Michael would often come out of the back door to see you with a big grin on your face with an orange on the back steps. He would eat it while you show him something you had, like a book or your Game Boy. An Orange was something you gave to him when you saw him. But now, 15 years later, he was gone, and you always placed an orange on the old Myers house, hoping he would open the door to see his face going wide-eyed seeing his friend once again.

Nothing, no one came out. Usually, you'll head back home, and the orange would be taken by an animal for them to eat in peace.

"Guess you're not here..." You said with a sigh. You turned around to head home till you heard the familiar back door opening, hearing the boards creaking as you looked back to see someone picking up the orange. They wore blue coveralls and a white mask you have seen at the hardware store. Lifting up their mask, they bit into the Orange, peel still on which only person who does that would be.

"Michael?" You said out of curiosity.

The person looked at you, still chewing the bite of orange with the mask sliding off with one hand to show the face of your childhood friend now a young man. It was indeed Michael Myers.

You ran over to him to give him a hug. You haven't seen him in so long. All you could think about is where he has been for 15 years and how he's been doing now.

Sat inside his old room, you both catch up on how you've been doing since he moved away. "And that leads me to here right now." You said as Michael listened. He noticed that you mentioned that he moved, which never actually happened. "Michael, I missed you. I was told after that your sister died, you never sent me letters or anything after you moved away." You said while your fingers fiddled, "I thought you forgot about me, you where in shock from what happened." You continued. "I didn't move." Michael said, you looked at him, confused about what he said. "I was in a hospital for the past 15 years cause of my condition." He said. "Condition?" You said, he continued. "It's been a secret since that night, nobody wasn't going to believe what happened only knows who seen it. My parents told everyone that we were moving after my sister died. I was taken away from my old home, and." He sighed,"I think it's best if you see what I'm talking about." He said as he started to loosen his coveralls cause what's going to happen soon. He looked at you with a concern look. "Y/N? Promise me that you won't scream for what's going to happen." Michael asked you, holding up his hand for a pinkie promise. You tried to wrap your head around on what he was talking about, but being his friend, you brought up your hand into the pinkie promise. "I promise." You replied.

"Ok, you better backup. I don't want you to get hurt for what's about to happen next." Michael said as he untied his shoes and took both socks and shoes off his feet. Doing as he asked, you back to the wall a feet away from Michael still sitting now bare foot. You thought to yourself about what he's going on about.

His face distorted to that of discomfort, taking deep breaths as he felt his body started the transformation. You heard bones breaking and popping, claws start to push out from under his nails, and his feet stretch while his teeth become fangs. Hair sprouted as you watched in disbelief as your friend changed from a Man into a Werewolf. The Beast stared at you with yellow eyes as he walked towards you on his paws. You were hoping he doesn't try to eat you, but the disturbing thought came to you as it clicked as he slowly backed away. "You killed your sister.... It was an accident, you weren't in control when it happened 15 years ago." You said. Michael changed back as the realization that your parents were keeping you away from the gruesome truth.

"Now you know what I can become." Michael said, lying on the dirty floor as you scoot over to him. Placing a hand on his head, "That doesn't mean I can't be your friend anymore." You said as you rubbed his back as he looked at you from where he lay. "Does it hurt every time?" You asked, "First time, it hurts like hell. After a while, I got used to it." He said as he got up from the dirty ground to sit back up right beside you. He took deep breaths as he placed his head on the wall behind. Leaning against him, you both just sat in silence as the October breeze blew out the window of what was Judith's room. "Do you think about your Mom?" You asked, breaking the silence, 'I do, I hope she would visit me, but one day, she didn't come." Michael said as tears started to form.

"I miss her." He said as you comforted him, knowing now that you're the best friend to The Beast of Haddonfield.

===============================

I'm going to stop here because I don't want to make this a long one.

Figure Michael would think about his Mom after being taken to Smith's grove for 15 years. He definitely cries when thinking about her.

[indigoraysoflight]

Love your page! 20. "You did an awful job." For caryl.

Hey, nonnie, so I’m going to be super honest with you and say this doesn’t sound like something they would say to each other. However, I do think they would say that about themselves because of their trauma. So I’ll modify it a little bit to match their voice. But thanks for the prompt :) 

I really wanted to tie this into the narrative montage at the beginning of this episode. Hopefully, I achieved it. If this reads a bit harsh, remember Daryl is the king of self-loathing.

Missing Scene / 11x18 / A Moment After Finding Judith, “A New Deal”

~

Candy Apples

“Yeah, go have fun.” Daryl watched Judith excitedly run to her friend. 

“Nice work.” Carol smiled and nodded at him.

He glanced away with a smile of his own and looked back. Carol’s smile widened as she watched Judith. His heart clenched, realizing how long it had been since he’d seen this smile.   

“I mean it. You’re a great parent.”

Her words were genuine and encouraging, but he still felt guilt worm into his mind.

“Doe’nt feel like it."

Every day was a new challenge. Without Carol's help, he’d be completely lost. She took the kids to school and picked them up. While he was at work, she looked after them and kept them fed.

She never missed her shifts at the bakery. Or her side gig with Lance. It had worried him when she first told him about it. But she'd learned the inner workings of this place and leveraged her position to get them this new deal.  She did all that while he struggled to care for the kids and make ends meet.

Carol did this parenting thing effortlessly. Even Maggie, Rosita, and Aaron seemed to get the hang of it immediately. Rick or Michonne would’ve known exactly what to say to Judith.     

Daryl looked down at his feet. “Feel like I’m doin’ a shit job sometimes. Rick-”

“-Rick’s not here. And if he were, he would agree with me.” Carol’s voice was soft as she stepped closer to him. 

“Dunno what I’m doing," Daryl admitted, looking up at Judith, who’d moved farther away with her friend. 

“Welcome to parenthood.”

He could hear the smile in her voice, and he huffed a laugh.

“All that matters is that the choice you made today was the right one,” she said softly.

“Yeah,” Daryl answered tentatively, unable to peel his eyes away from Judith – who was completely unaware – eating a candy apple with her friend Mei. 

“Hey? You found her.”

“Hmmm.” Gabriel and Rosita found her while I was runnin’ around wonderin’ where to look.

Sometimes he wondered why he ended up looking for all the lost kids when he always did such a shit job of protecting them. 

Henry, B3th, Sophia. I would've fucked up this time too if Gabriel and Rosita hadn't found her.

"Daryl." 

Her voice stopped his downward spiral in its tracks. Her gaze was warm and heavy – eyes clear blue and sincere, peering into his soul effortlessly. He didn't say his thoughts out loud, but he knew she heard him anyway.

“You found her," Carol urged with a soft smile.

He wanted to protest, but his words fizzled out when he locked eyes with her. There was no anger, disgust, or frustration – only trust and kindness. Without even trying, the look on her face melted his guilt away. Just for a while. 

For a moment, Daryl wondered what he’d done to deserve her kindness. When he never found her kids. When he failed to keep them safe. Even after their fight, the angry words he’d flung at her, the distance that festered a coldness between them – Carol looked at him like she trusted him with her whole heart. 

I miss you, Daryl thought. He missed seeing her all the time – their casual chats, her warmth, her teasing, her laughter. Her. He missed HER.

She was trying to reach out. But he was still closed up. The wall between them was stronger than ever, and he hid behind it, forcing himself to get through the day-to-day. Ignoring the pain of not seeing her all the time. Pushing away the twinge in his heart when he noticed her talking to Ez3kiel in the distance. 

Today wasn’t any different. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins. With everything that went down with Lance and this deal – his emotions were running high. There were too many things still left unsaid. He wondered if they’d ever come around to saying them.   

He didn’t realize they were just looking at each other until she peeled her eyes away. He followed her gaze to look at Judith all squinty-faced, and crunching away at her candy apple.

“This may be her last chance to eat a candy apple for a while.”

"Pfft." His lips quirked up for a second.

Daryl still didn’t trust this new deal. And he was pissed about letting Lance go. He had a dark feeling something was about to go down. Again. They still had ways to go before Alexandria was fixed... Thoughts ran wild, struggling for attention in his mind and feeding on his adrenaline as they got louder and louder and lou—

“Sophia loved candy apples.”

Carol’s declaration was soft and barely audible, with the slightest tremble in her voice – that only he could catch. It gently breezed through the cacophony of thoughts and wrapped around his heart.

He turned to look at her. She gazed at Judith with a wistful smile, pink tinging her cheeks, her eyes shimmering in the bright afternoon sun. 

And just like that – the wall between them crumbled to dust. His fingers twitched nervously as he fought the urge to thumb away the wayward tear that escaped her lashes. Maybe touch her chin so she’d look up at him and show him her grief. His arm, stiff and awkward at his side, as he wished to wrap it around her shoulder. But all he could do was stare at her like an idiot, wondering what to say. 

“She never finished one, though. A few mousey bites, and she was done.” Carol laughed.

“Good thing her mom’s got a sweet tooth,” he said, raising his eyebrows. A feeble attempt to make her smile. Carol glanced at him, meeting his wistful smile with a teary laugh. 

He found himself thinking about Sophia sometimes. When he tacked RJ's drawings to the fridge, he wondered if she drew pictures for Carol. Or he’d browse LPs for Judith and wonder if she had a favourite band. If he saw a little kid with a doll, he’d remember her skinny little arms clutching her doll at the quarry. When he found a half-burnt pancake with a blueberry smiley face in his kitchen, he wondered if Carol ever made them for Sophia too.

For a moment at the church, he was catapulted back to their endless search for her. Felt the despair, gripping fear, and saw Carol's perpetually glassy eyes staring at him helplessly. And he wished he'd found her the way he found Judith.

Sophia crept up on him during quiet moments, barreling into him with raw guilt he had carried for over a decade and knocking his breath away.

She must be on Carol’s mind all the time, he thought as he watched her idly trace the pearl from Sophia’s hair tie on her necklace. Her eyes still on Judith.

He was aware of their hands drifting closer, and he thought of how easy it would be to reach out and clasp hers. His eyes drifted down to her lips for a moment.   

“I gotta go finish packing. I’ll stop by the bakery in the morning, get some extra food for the road, and a fresh batch of donuts for you.” She quirked her eyebrows at him, traces of grief disappearing from her face.

“A’right.” His lips quirked up again.

“Stay with her. I’ll go to your place first and make sure RJ's packing is done.” 

“Can’t forget them comics.”

He wished she knew how much he leaned on her help with the kids. He knew why she always counted herself out of the equation, but he hoped she’d heal enough one day to see how much he needed her. They needed her.

“I’ll find you before we head out.”

He nodded. 

“Hey,” he started tentatively. We should talk. There’s a lot we gotta figure out. I'm sorry about earlier. I have so much to tell you. Before he could say anything, a shrill announcement blared through the speakers. 

Carol winced, “We’ll talk on the road. Catch you later.”

She bumped her knuckles against his own and walked away. His hand ghosted near hers until she was out of reach. His eyes trained on her silver hair glinting in the sunlight as she walked away. 

“Yeah. See ya.” His whisper dissolved in the noise around him as he watched her disappear into the crowd.

Daryl turned to Judith again. His breath caught when he glimpsed a skinny girl with short light brown curls beside her. Biting into a candy apple, she looked up at him with her freckled face, big brown eyes, and her mother’s smile.

Then he blinked, and she was gone.

Sophia, Daryl thought. Your mom loves you so much.

[thebluemoonjune]

The Elegance of Resilience Chapter 5: GoodBye

Chapter 5: Goodbye

Summary:

Rick and Lori have a long need talk about everything. And the Hawthornes arrive.

When Rick woke up, Michonne wasn’t next to him. His attention had been caught by a white piece of paper on the dresser. It was a letter she had written.

Hey sleepyhead,

I guess you're awake if you're reading this. I didn’t want to wake you up. I’ll be at Sasha’s for a few hours since I want to see the twins. I’m going to let them stay for an extra day. Sasha has an appointment in the morning, but Abe offered to watch them till she got back. I hope you haven't forgotten already, but my parents are coming tomorrow, and I don’t want the boys around for that first clash. I should be back by nine. And in case you're hungry, I left dinner on the stove, so please eat something. Also, Lori called you, and no, I didn’t answer. After everything that happened, who knows? Talking might do some good.

Yours truly,

Chonne

Rick put the note back where he found it, only to pick up his phone to go through it. He saw eight missed calls from Lori. His mind flashed to Judith. Memories danced on the precipice of his thoughts, teetering between cherished moments and painful reminders, threading a delicate line between solace and sorrow. He stood up and walked to the mirror, looking at himself for almost three minutes. He saw a stranger, eyes hollow and listless, the sparkle of life extinguished, replaced by the vacant gaze of nothing. He grabbed the phone to call Lori back.

[Rick, Hello.]

[Why did you call me?]

[I wanted us to talk... Just me and you. I’m in Atlanta…I came hoping you’d meet with me at the restaurant we celebrated our sixth anniversary. Do you remember that?]

[I’ll meet you.]

Rick cut her off before he heard the rest of what she had to say. He ate and went to get ready.

…

Entering the restaurant, he saw her sitting in the Centre. He didn’t understand why she chose this place, and he didn’t want to understand. He told the waiter who he came to meet, and they escorted him to the table.

“Hi, Rick…”

“Good evening.”

“Did you come from work?”

“I’m on paid leave.”

A heavy fog enveloped her mind, shrouding her thoughts in a grey haze. Not wanting her face to betray her, she wore a gentle smile.

“This place hasn’t changed a bit, Don’t you think so? I already ordered for us.”

“I didn’t come here to reminisce, Lori. Let's cut to the chase.”

She traced invisible patterns on the tablecloth, a nervous tic that betrayed her anxious anticipation, her mind racing with scenarios of what could go wrong.

“I wasn’t a good wife nor you good husband… You’re a good man, but you weren’t a good husband. But I loved you all the same.”

“I could have done better. I know that, but when it came to my children, I really did give my all.”

“You are a good father, Rick. A damn great one at that.”

“Then why did you destroy our family?”

She took a couple of seconds before answering. 

“You know, I was happy when we got married. You were the love of my life, you still are. You were kind, helpful, duty-driven, patient, understanding, and unconfrontational. Ain’t every day you meet a man like that. And here you were in front of me, ready to walk side by side, even though that meant never speaking to your mother again.”

Her smile became a mere facade, a fragile mask she wore to conceal the bitterness that threatened to consume her, the shadows of her depression dancing beneath her eyes. The waiter brought their meals, placing them on the table. She took a sip of her wine before continuing.

“It comes in threes. That's what my mother told me right after we got married. Three, six, nine, twelve,  so on and so on. It was the day of our sixth anniversary in this restaurant at this very table, I realised that everything I loved about you when we first got married was everything I hated about you now.”

Rick said nothing. His hands slid down his cheeks, pulling his eyes and lips down with them. He stared right through her, chin propped on his hand wearily. Unexpectedly, he felt calm, his temper nowhere in sight. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the back-and-forth dying out, leaving him exhausted. He simply waited for her to go on.

“We didn’t have much money, and Carl was so young. It was the first time in three years that you planned something for just the two of us, and you were an hour late like you usually were. When you came rushing in here, I already knew... Someone needed help, or you got caught up in a case. It was always something with your hero complex... The thing about marrying a kind, helpful, duty-driven, patient, understanding, and unconfrontational man is that he isn’t only that way towards you.”

They watched the world drift by, not truly seeing anything. The space under her eyes had darkened into sickly purple shadows; she still went on, however.

“Throughout our relationship, everyone seemed to have your time but me. We were together, but it barely felt that way. If I messed up, you would let it go or justify it, almost like I wasn’t worth getting mad at.”

“I didn’t know arguing over things that don’t matter was part of being married, Lori.”

“It’s something every normal couple does, Rick. After that sixth year, I realised I held the title of your wife, but I didn’t feel like your wife. It was as if we were just going through the motions.”

“You should have talked to me.”

“And say what? You work too much; you don’t show me enough attention; you don’t fight with me like real husbands and wives do... I know how it sounds. Trust me, I know.”

“So having an affair with my best friend was the next best thing.”

“I felt so lonely. At that point, I think we both realised that our marriage was hanging on a string… Shane had come by our house to see if you were there, but you were with Daryl for some reason. I remembered you took Carl with you, so it was probably hunting or something... I took the opportunity to talk to Shane. I wanted to know if you talked about us and if you did what you said. Then we talked about everything… He understood me, and then one thing led to another… He made me feel good, and I wanted to feel good; I needed to.”

She let out a weary sigh, a sound heavy with the weight of accumulated exhaustion, as if the burden of weariness had found its voice in her breath.

Rick gazed at her intently. His expression turned brisk and businesslike. Holding his breath, leaning back, and letting his eyes slowly close, he regulated his emotions.

“Don’t stop now; Go on.”

“The year when I got pregnant with Judy, did you really not notice? I thought you would notice for sure. I mean, we had sex. What— Once or twice around that month?”

“No.”

“I was so scared; I was gonna tell you, but you were so happy, and things between us started changing. So I ended things with Shane.”

“Oh, you ended things? I guess I’m gonna have to be thankful that you ended things.”

A cold wave of dread washed over her, and she could not bear to lift her head and meet the eyes of her estranged husband.

“When you found out, I thought you were gonna kill me, but you stayed. And when you found out about Judith, I was thankful. I need you to know that.”

“I didn’t do it for you.”

“I know, but you stopped doing it for them too.”

“What‘d you mean by that, Lori?”

“When did your little affair start?”

“Michonne was never a mistress.”

“You hid your relationship for almost a year, and we are still married. She is a mistress, no matter how you twist it.”

Eyes venomous, piercing her soul, Rick shot her a glare, filled with a cloud of warning that settled on his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and he stretched his neck from side to side before calming and returning to the conversion.

“I told you that I’d stay if Judith was mine. I tried to push everything away and deal with it and I couldn’t. I couldn't, and I was just... I hate you with every fibre of my being. I felt lost… Chonne, she’s so much more than some mistress; God sent her to me, and honestly, she deserves better than she got... I met the love of my life over four years ago, around that time I told you words I didn’t mean. And she gave me two beautiful boys, which God knows I don’t deserve. I wanted a divorce because it hurt to stay with you, and those three deserved more than second place, even now.”

“Wow.”

“You wanted honesty; let’s talk honesty. Ain’t that what we been doing?”

“Hmm. I knew you were with someone else, but I couldn’t prove it. I thought it was just a fling, you throwing a tantrum, but you keep asking for a DNA test. When you got shot, I knew how much I still loved you and couldn’t leave you. I knew I had to keep our family together, that I wasn’t ready to lose my husband, that my children weren’t ready to lose their father. I was determined, ready to be by your side, but I saw her there… I understand, but you didn’t have to get her pregnant. I feel like you did it to one-up me. Like you were punishing me, you been punishing me!”

Lori had gotten the attention of the nearby patrons with her last statement. She squeezed her eyes, trying to force the tears from their edges so she could be done with them. Her face was a mask of resignation, a facade that concealed the raw ache of her sadness, her true emotions hidden beneath a carefully crafted veneer.

“Punishing you. You felt like I was punishing you?” His huge blue eyes gave her a predatory look.

“You said that she was the love of your life. So what was I? You cut off your mother for me… Are you telling me everything you did and said wasn’t to spite me?”

“Lori I’m not gonna say you were a mistake; after all, you gave me Carl and Judith, if only for a time. I did love you at a point, but in the grand scheme of things, you’re a stepping stone. You were that the moment I met Michonne, even if I didn’t know it yet.”

“Is there really no going back? Is our family really gone? I still love you, Rick.”

“No… We can’t go back; we’ve both taken different paths. We both need to let go… On my way here, I had a lot of time to think. I’m not gonna fight you or Shane. I’ve got three boys that need me, that deserve all of me. I love her, and if in the future she still wants me in her life, I will be there. I’ve been fighting for so long, I can’t do it again. I can’t put my family through that again, and I won’t.”

They stared at each other until the laughter of the pair reared a hollow echo, a reminder of the joy they once knew. Still, they now seemed impossibly out of reach, as if happiness were a foreign language they could no longer comprehend when it came to their current relationship.

“Goodbye, Lori.”

“Goodbye, Rick.”

When Rick got up, he didn’t turn back to look at his soon-to-be ex-wife. He simply paid the bill and left. By the time he got back to the villa, Michonne was there, surprisingly.

I thought she said nine.

“Hey…”

“Hello, cowboy.” Her eyes shone with gentle, serene happiness, a tranquil glow that emanated from within.

“You said nine. What happened? Not that I’m complaining.”

“Something told me you took my advice. I wanted to be here when you came home… So how did it go?”

Michonne patted her lap, indicating that he come and lie down on the couch. As he did, she stoked his hair.

“It went better than I thought. I think we're both just tired.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Everything… From the beginning to the end. It felt good. I feel…Light.”

“Things are going to get better from here. I know it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

…

Michonne made it a point to get up an hour earlier than normal. She needed to make sure everything was in order for her parents' arrival that evening. She made a point of cleaning her always-clean house, beginning with the guest bedroom and working her way through the rest. Afterwards went grocery shopping with Rick to stock up on pantry reserves. She made sure to buy a lot of lamb meat and his favourite wine, a Woodward Canyon Sauvignon, because her father was particular, and when they came home at 5:00 p.m., she began cooking.

“I could pick ‘em up.”

“Rick, I can't do that to you. When they get here, I’ll just tell them we had an important something; I’ll come up with it when they get here. Knowing my father, they’ll be here in ten minutes, so 6:30 on the dot.”

“Mhmm…Need any help in here, though?”

“Nope, I’m almost done. The lamb needs like eight minutes in the oven, and I’ll be finished with lamb sauce in five, so...”

“Your dad…”

“Don’t challenge him; it'll be worse.”

Rick was about to answer when they heard a buzz from the gate.

“Oh shit, that’s them. I told Mummy the code; she forgot already?”

Michonne made her way to the pad to open the gates, then walked out the door with Rick at her heels. He stopped her

“Did you forget that your sauce? I’ll go.”

“Oh, alright. Be good?”

He was about to go to the driveway when he was greeted by the voice of an older man.

“I didn’t expect you to be here, Richard. I thought you would be with your wife.”

“Reynard… How are you?”

“Straining, waiting for you to take these suitcases. Be careful with Marie's, lest you break something. Where’s my daughter?”

“Chonne’s in the kitchen. She wanted to cook for both of you. Marie, I was beginning to wonder!”

Rick much preferred engaging with his soon-to-be mother-in-law, even though he was sure she was borderline insane. She gave him a warm hug and kissed him on the cheek.

“Oh, Richy! I had a call. Look how handsome you are every time I see you. Si beau! Si beau!”

“It’s lovely to see you too. Come on, let’s go inside. I’m sure you're hungry.”

…

Marie Nadege Lefevre, a Franco-Haitian woman born to a French father and a Haitian mother. Her father, André Jacques Lefevre, built his fortune from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears at a time when it was hard for a man of his background to have many opportunities. When he’d reached the height of his success at the age of sixty, he met his wife,  Margaret Rosena Toussaint, a thirty-five-year-old painter who he was a faithful fan of. The couple married within five months of courting each other and had Marie eight months later. André spoiled Marie rotten. She was his only child, and he believed that with all his hard work, his daughter should have what she wanted when she wanted it. If not for Margaret, Marie would probably be an entitled and insufferable person. It also helped that she was naturally warm, kind, and loving, with an outgoing personality. 

“Oh, Amélie, dinner was lovely. By the way, where are the boys?”

Marie couldn’t stop grinning; her smile was infectious and genuine, as if happiness had become a permanent resident on her face, an expression that invited others to share in her joy.

“Thank you, Mommy. They’re with Sasha.” Michonne turned to Reynard “Dad, Sasha said she wanted to take you out tomorrow for some uncle and niece time.”

Reynard, who’d been eyeing Rick all dinner, led his gaze to his daughter.

“Why does this feel like a ploy between you and that troublesome child? Are you afraid of something, Amélie?”

She wiped her sweaty palms on her trousers, her nerves betraying her in tiny droplets of perspiration, a visible sign of her inner unease.

“Of course not.” her smile was forced as she attempted to hide her nerves “It’s just that you haven’t seen her in almost a year. Her Noah’s gotten big too.”

“That’s true. I want to see Abraham as well. He's a good man, that one. Your cousin made a wise choice. No other wife, because she’s the wife, and no other children. Only my daughter was foolish enough to open her legs to a married man with two kids, one of whom he’s not even sure about.”

Reynard, stop!” Marie begged him.

“Not only did she openly become a mistress, but she also got pregnant. I have been more than fair to this Godless behaviour, this shamelessness, but you’re pregnant again!”

Rick was ready to exchange words with the man when Reynard's final piece of his verbal onslaught caught him off guard. As he stared at Michonne, his already huge eyes expanded into massive circles. Her demeanour was deceptively controlled, her surprise revealed by a quick gasp. She sat transfixed, grasping her partner's shirt and pulling it until it was irreversibly stretched. Marie bit her bottom lip, buried in thoughts of severe ramifications for her.

She had promised Michonne she would tell her father since she was looking for the best time to inform Rick. She would always tell her husband anything, but if her daughter asked her to keep something between them, she did, but Reynard had happened to overhear their discussion. Looking at her child, she could see the embarrassment of her father's words and the shock creeping in. She also knew her husband wasn't done. The person he wanted to hurt wasn’t Michonne, but Rick.

“You never think these things through, Amélie. A third child, Amélie? Really, For a man who is still legally married? What the hell does he have to offer? You lowered your panties for a man that can’t even give you all of himself, a man with nothing to offer other than a pretty face and babies! Babies! Michonne Amélie Elodie Hawthorne, what did I teach you?”

Her eyes were wide and tear-filled. She bit her lower lip until it bled, the metallic taste a stark reminder of her terror, as if the agony provided a brief reprieve from the crushing panic that threatened to devour her.

“Do not cry; I have given you no reason to cry, Amélie. Now, what did I teach you?”

[letteredlettered]

Zombie au?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING. This is the one I'm most excited about right now, although I am 100% sure I will never finish.

My absolute favorite fic of mine to re-read, and my number one comfort fic I have ever written, is The Door Begins to Crack. It's part of a larger series called Words and Not Deeds. Every fic in that series is a comfort fic for me; to me, it's probably the most romantic thing I've written, possibly because it is the most indulgent in the romance angle. There's not a lot of plot, just a lot of angst and falling in love, and then lots and lots of sex. I think the last fic in the series, The End Resting Only On Air, is quite possibly the closest thing I've written to domestic fluff (except that it's me, so it's not actually that fluffy.)

The hilarious part is that the fandom for this series is The Walking Dead.

It makes sense, in a way. TWD is a zombie show in which almost everyone dies; those who survive are constantly fighting tooth and nail for survival. In a show that dark, all you really want is for everyone to be okay and happy. Words and Not Deeds is just an idea of what could have happened to some of these people if the zombie apocalypse had never happened. If the ZA had never happened, they would have just gone about their lives--as a consequence, there's not really much plot to these stories; it's really just Rick and Daryl falling in love. This is why it's called Words and Not Deeds; they don't have the constant action in the show to keep them occupied; they actually have to work through their emotions and talk about things and live their lives.

I really, really wanted a comfort fic a while ago, so I reread the whole series, and sort of got obsessed with it again. Consequently, I sort of got obsessed with TWD again, which I never thought would happen. While I love the fics that I wrote, you naturally have some things that you get in canon that are missing from it. No one is a badass; no one is physically brave (though emotionally, Daryl has to become pretty brave, in a way). No one saves the day.

So then, in a twist that I find truly hilarious, I started imagining what would happen if the zombie apocalypse did happen, but within the world of this fic. It would need to take place before The End Resting Only on Air, I think, because I'm sorry, that fic is too happy and wonderful to mess up with zombies.

But if it went AU after the fifth fic of the series--you now have a lot of the main characters in a different configuration. Most interesting to me, you now have a very complicated family structure, with Daryl a father-figure to Sophia, but partner to Rick, who is still father to Carl and Judith, which means that Daryl has also become somewhat of a father to them, but Carl and Judith also have Shane and Lori. So now Carol and Daryl are connected by family to Shane and Lori, which just makes for a SUPER interesting combination.

I think one thing I enjoyed thinking about is Rick still taking charge of everything, and Lori going with it because she sees he has the right idea; meanwhile, Shane is pissed off because he thinks that since Lori is his wife, she should want to do things his way. I also enjoyed Rick doing something different to keep Shane on his side; now that Shane is a parent to his children, he needs the same kind of consideration and treatment as he would give to Lori, because it's important to Rick that his kids have their parents. Also, Michonne's son Andre could go to the same school as Judith, so when Daryl has to save Judith from zombies at the elementary school, he can save Andre too, and so now Michonne is with them; and in this universe, Daryl and Rick already know Herschel/Maggie/Beth, so they can all end up at the farm, and you can just recreate a lot of scenarios that are now completely different given the different family dynamics, and I enjoy that a lot.