#do you think he keeps a journal of every single person who has succumbed to the omen of evil

[totally-original-artist]

sneef snorf

[trashyswitch]

049 and the 'Unkillable Creature'

Dr. Itkin conducts an experiment on SCP-049 by sending in a fellow SCP: The unkillable, loving creature known as SCP-999. SCP-049 experiences a wide variety of emotions during the single visit. As a result, 999 blows Itkin's mind when it presents a new side of the Plague Doctor to the researchers.

This prompt was suggested by an Anonymous user on Tumblr. Thank you for the prompt and I hope you enjoy!

Dr. Itkin petted 999’s head with a smile as he opened up the chamber door and let 999 in the hallway to the room. “Just follow the hallway and I will open the door for you.” Dr. Itkin ordered the creature.

Then, Dr. Itkin walked to his office and spoke through a speaker. “049: We have a new entity for you. It is not a mammalian corpse like we usually present to you. It is alive this time, and I think you’ll find it quite new and interesting.” Dr. Itkin explained before opening the entrance to 049’s quarters. “Go on in.” Dr. Itkin encouraged. “This being is known as SCP-999. Or, 999 for short. It has no gender, no skeleton, and it primarily speaks in gurgles.” He explained. “Lastly: It cannot be killed.” He added.

049 stared at the strange being as it walked around him and observed the doctor. “Funny…It has no visible organs or body parts except for its dark eyes, yet it is capable of walking around and growing arms whenever needed.” He observed. 049 pulled out his journal and started to take notes.

999 slid itself up to the doctor, and gurgled curiously. 049 didn’t pay it any attention at first. But his writing seemed to pause when 049 felt a pair of arms wrapped around his skirt. 049 couldn’t help the smile that had grown onto his face under the mask. “Fascinating behaviour, similar to a toddler. One would likely call it ‘cute’.” He spoke aloud. “999 seems to exhibit behaviour similar to a puppy as well: hungry for affection and…” 049 gave its chin a little scratch, and watched as 999 closed its eyes and leaned into it. “-affectionate when attention is given.” 049 added.

999 nuzzled into 049’s robe. He started to feel an intense amount of happiness...a feeling he rarely experiences from a cute being. “I…” 049 words started to fade away as he knelt down. “That smell…But, how? No other woman or creature, has ever successfully replicated that familiar smell before.” He reacted. “My Mother’s jam…” He wasn’t able to think properly due to the intense nostalgia that had overcame him.

999 slid closer to him and hugged him. This seemed to make him feel all toasty and warm inside. He felt overwhelmed with bittersweetness. The smell of his mother’s jam filled the laboratory The smell mized with 999’s loving hug, gave him a sense of joy. But a longing for his mother and her delicious jams, provided sadness as well. He wasn’t quite sure how to react to such a strong mix of emotions.

“I...I feel like a human being again.” he told the creature. “It is rare that a smell will remind me of so much. A smell like that is ever growing in rarity as the centuries pass by. So this 999 being who is able to replicate a smell that is a few centuries old…” 049 seemed to snap back into reality as he grabbed 999. “-is a creature worth studying.” 049 explained.

“What kind of jam did your Mother make?” Dr. Itkin asked.

049 smiled under his mask. “Peach jams were her specialty. However, she loved making apple jams, strawberry jams and pear jams as well.” 049 replied.

“Interesting.” Dr. Itkin muttered.

049 sat there with 999 and attempted to get to know it. “I’m a doctor. I cure pestilences. Or rather, diseases.” He explained to the creature. 999 gurgled eagerly and snuggled itself into 049’s chest. The doctor let out a low giggle. “A very affectionate being.” He muttered. 999 then slithered itself up 049’s back, and started snuggling into his chest. “This amount of affection is unusual. I was not prepared for such overwhelming displays of affection from such a caring creature. Perhaps I should request a living dog as a companion in my laboratory?” He considered out loud.

Dr. Itkin nodded. “I will talk to my staff about that option.” He replied through the speaker.

“Thank you.” 049 said.

999 then snuggled further into his chest and started moving its pseudopods into the man’s ribs.

“Oh my...What are you doing, little being? Observing your surroundings, perhaps?” He asked.

999 moved its wiggling pods up and down the ribs. “Unusual...Perhaps you are trying to count my ribs?” He asked. It appeared that 049 was so interested in 999’s puppy-like affectionate nature, that he didn’t even consider that 999 was attempting to tickle him.

Dr. Itkin watched curiously as 999 moved its pseudopods around a little more. He doubted that the doctor had any ticklish spots, but he still wanted to know just what 999 would do if he wasn’t ticklish. Would it keep searching every ticklish spot it was aware of? Would it start hugging and cuddling the doctor to get him giggling? Or would it accept the fact that he’s not that kind of person, and just slide off to leave him alone?

While Dr. Itkin thought about the solution to himself, he picked up his pencil and started writing the multiple hypotheses he had thought of. Meanwhile, 999 moved its pseudopods up and up the ribs to his armpits. “Ihi see you’re quite curious about my body struhuhuctuhure! Nohow now now! Cahaharefuhuhuhul!”

Dr. Itkin paused his writing and his eyes widened rather quickly. Did...did he just laugh?

999 quickly continued to go for his armpits. “Gehehehet ohohohoff mehehehe! Ihihihi dohohon’t knohohow what yohohou’re dohohoihihing, buhuhut…” 049 started trying to run around and get the glob off him. But the orange creature wouldn’t get off at all! It would just slip right out of his grip and continue to cling to his body in order to tickle him.

While 999 slid around and held onto him, it made more pseudopods and started tickling other spots as well.

For example: his belly.

This made 049 double over and lean his body against the wall. “Dohohoctohohor! Hehehehelp! Ihihihi’m quihihihite sehehensihihitihihive thehehehere!” He laughed lightly.

Dr. Itkin admired the unusual scene. “How can I help?” He asked, not really planning to help.

“Cahahan yohou plehehehease gehehehet ihihihit ohohohoff?” The doctor asked.

“I’m afraid I can’t. 999 is a creature that loves making people happy. Just wait it out for a bit. It’ll stop soon.” Dr. Itkin told him.

“Yohohohou’re nohohohot gohohohoihihing tohoho hehehelp mehehehe?!” He reacted. “Dihihihid ihihi huhuhurt yohohou ihin ahahahany wahahahay prihihior to thihihis?” 049 asked.

“Nope. I rather enjoy hearing you laugh. It shows me that the man under the mask is still somewhat human.” Dr. Itkin replied, leaning his chin on his palm.

“Dohoho-” The doctor pulled 999 off him for just a few seconds; enough time to talk. “Are you accusing me of not being human? Do I fail to look like a human because of my mask and my robes?!” He asked.

Dr. Itkin looked up. “What? No!”

“I warn you to not raise your voice with me. I know exactly what I’m doing wearing these robes and mask. I am protecting myself from the pestilence you fail to acknowledge!” 049 reacted.

“999, knock it off. Oh heavens…” The doctor watched in horror as 999 started slipping its globby substance through his fingers and arms. “999, I order you to stay put! And STOP SLIDING ON ME!” 049 yelled at it.

999 paused.

Dr. Itkin looked up, and bit his lip. He could sense that 049 was losing his temper. Dr. Itkin had to remind himself that 999 could not be physically harmed. The only thing that could harm 999, was a bottle of coke.

So with that in mind, what was gonna happen to 999?

As of right now, 999 was staring at the doctor, making sure to stay still. While it stood in its place, 999 started to stretch itself up. It stretched up and up and up, till it was towering over 049. The more it grew, the wider it became and the more pseudopods it grew from its body.

“D-Doctor...Doctor? I...W-What’s it doing?” 049 asked.

Dr. Itkin quickly took more notes of what was occurring.

“Doctor? Doctor?! Hello?! HELLO?!”

Dr. Itkin had to cover his mouth and keep from laughing as he observed 999 wiggling its arms like noodles with a big smile on its face, as it chased 049 all around the room.

Finally, 049 sprinted up to a nearby window to get someone’s attention. “HELP-” 049’s voice was engulfed in slime as 999 wrapped the entirety of its goopy body around 049’s body.

049’s voice spoke in babbles and muffles for only a moment...Then, 999 allowed his head to pop out from its body. “WAIT! AAAHAHAHA! STAHAHAP IHIHIT! NOHO! DOWN! DOHOHOHOWN IHIHI SAHAHAHAY! GEHEHET OHOHOHOFF MEHEHEHE!”

049 lost all of his serious composure in mere seconds. The doctor had started kicking his feet from within 999’s slime. The glob-like creature happily lifted the doctor’s hands above his head using a couple pseudopods, and happily tickled 049’s completely vulnerable armpits. 999 was non stop gurgling from excitement as it kept up its tickling. It didn’t wanna stop tickling him! It took so long for him to succumb to being genuinely happy that it didn’t want it to end! 999 wanted to tickle him forever if it was allowed.

“How do you feel, Doctor? Vulnerable? Giggly? Happy?” Dr. Itkin teased.

“YOHOHOU’RE NEHEHEHEXT! IHIHI SWEHEHEHEAR IHI WIHIHILL KIHIHILL YOHOHOHOU!” 049 shouted at him.

Dr. Itkin widened his eyes in surprise, and quickly added a couple notes to his research.

999 could tell the black-robed doctor was getting a little agitated. So, it stopped tickling him and decided to cuddle him instead. The doctor’s laughter seemed to calm down rather quickly. But his agitation took a little longer.

“Whyhy did you dohoho thahat? Yohou have baffled me beyond all known knowledge, orange creature.” 049 asked.

999 smiled happily and gurgled as it nuzzled into his chest again. 049 sighed and let his arms fall beside him.

“I have ambiguous emotions about you. I have never been treated with so much affection in a very long time. Yet, I cannot help but feel happy to experience it.” The doctor said to 999. “Dr. Itkin; I feel overwhelmed with emotions. Am I growing weak to my emotions? Or is this creature affecting me in some way?” 049 asked.

“Do you feel overwhelmed with joy?” Dr. Itkin asked.

“Y-Yes.” 049 replied.

“Has your head grown foggy after all that affection?” Dr. Itkin asked.

“Immensely, so.” 049 replied.

“Do you feel like you wanna keep this creature as your own? Perhaps protect it?” Dr. Itkin asked.

The doctor looked deep into 999’s eyes. “...Is that normal?” 049 asked back.

“It can be, yes. There have been reports of people treating 999 like a babbling baby or a playful puppy.” Dr. Itkin replied. “One lady told us it was a similar feeling to ‘experiencing a mother’s love for their baby after its given birth’. Any thoughts?” Dr. Itkin explained.

The doctor slowly started to smile as he looked at the loving creature. “I…” He opened his arms to the creature, offering it a hug. 999 quickly slid into his arms and happily snuggled into him. “I believe I have been left speechless.” 049 replied.

“Okay.” Dr. Itkin wrote that quote down. “Tell me: do you know what Serotonin is?” Dr. Itkin asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t.” 049 replied.

“It is also known as the ‘happy hormone’. It’s meant to change your mood and keep your emotions balanced.” Dr. Itkin explained. “So your visit with 999, has made you a lot more happy and loving. 999 is well known for causing serotonin levels to rise and in some cases, resulting in people getting high off the serotonin.” Dr. Itkin explained. “I wanted to monitor your reaction to SCP-999, as well as your emotional sensitivity level.” Dr. Itkin explained. “So far, it appears you have exhibited a wide variety of human emotions such as happiness, sadness, agitation, bittersweetness and even emotions that contribute to ‘unconditional love’.” Dr. Itkin explained.

The doctor was still hugging and cuddling 999 in his arms.

“In conclusion, we can successfully determine that you still exhibit human levels of emotion. Do you have any more thoughts on the matter?” Dr. Itkin asked.

049 lifted his head up. “Uh…” He paused and looked down.

“Maybe a statement about ‘being human’ or something?” Dr. Itkin asked in a different manner.

049 looked up. “Apologies, Doctor. I seemed to have zoned out while you were explaining your endeavors. Therefore, I cannot give a proper reply.” 049 apologized.

Dr. Itkin smiled and chuckled to himself. “That’s quite alright.”

[SCP-049 has been left speechless. 049 had also lost his concentration and apologized for not listening.]

A while after that, 999 had to leave the doctor back to his devices. Though 049 was hesitant about letting it go, he agreed to let 999 go back to its own room. As a reward for participating and being so cooperative, Dr. Itkin presented 049 with a deceased lynx body to study. 049 expressed gratitude for such a rare animal, and spent the next several days researching it, trying new cure options on it and taking notes in his notebook.

After the SCP-049-2 was removed from his chamber however, 049 requested to take a short break from researching test subjects, due to being ‘behind on his notes’. Dr. Itkin agreed to his request, and watched as 049 spent some time on his own. For the next few days, Dr. Itkin observed as 049 took note after note on —he could only assume to be— SCP-999. Dr. Itkin could tell this, based on what he would refer to him as: ‘The Unkillable’. He could also hypothesize it was 999, based on the new page’s title in his notebook:

They all included the numbers ‘999’ in brackets.

Dr. Itkin would later conclude that the experiment was a big success. And Dr. Itkin even add a postscript at the bottom of the page:

[SCP-049 has requested another meeting with SCP-999 on a later date. We will further discuss the request with Dr. Sherman at a later date.]

______________________________________________________________

Quarantine was...something. Definitely something. Even though we haven't checked the results of the covid test, my symptoms have went away completely. As a result, my parents believe I am covid free, unless proven otherwise by the test. I will let you know the results in the next fic.

[simonxriley]

I love you and I’m sorry.

Pairing: Alexsandr “Tachanka” Seneviev x Skylar “Phoenix” Jackson (oc)

Summary: Tachanka fell in love, only to have it ripped away from him in a blink of an eye. 

Words: 1,945

Warnings: Implied/reference suicide and mention of blood. 

A/N: I woke up this morning and I needed to write this, don’t know why I just needed too. Because I apparently love ripping my whole heart out. 

Ao3 and FF  

Russian: Moya Sladost’ = My sweetness. Kotyonok = kitten

Everyone who was apart of the Outbreak never came back the same, everyone had some form of PTSD even if they hated to admit it. But Jager and Tachanka came out of it the worst.

Jager was injured and alone in the dark after having his helicopter taken down, waiting for whatever loomed in the darkness to attack. And how those seconds felt like years waiting for his rescue, hoping they could get to him first instead of those monsters.

Tachanka lost the love of his life there. Everyone made it out besides Skylar. His kotyonok!

He can still see her smiling face after rendezvousing with them after getting separated, how happy and relieved she was to see them. And how that smile quickly turned to fear when a rooter teleported right behind her, piecing her abdomen. Doc did all he could, unfortunately she succumbed to her wounds, leaving Tachanka angry and broken in the middle of the battlefield as he held and rocked her colding corpse.

It was only six months ago, to him it felt like a lifetime. The home he shared with her used to be filled with laughter and love, now it felt empty.

As he sat at the kitchen table, pouring himself another shot of vodka his eyes kept darting to the small purple journal Skylar always kept with her. He carried it everywhere with him because it made it feel like she was still with him. He never opened it though, feeling it would be a breach in privacy, even if she was gone. Deep down he knew she wouldn’t care, she never did before, she was always open with sharing her things with him.

He sighed through his nose, downing the shot of vodka and poured himself another one.

This kitchen housed so many good memories, him cooking her breakfast every morning and every time she would argue and say she could do it herself. And every time he would just laugh and go back to cooking. Them cooking dinner together every night while listening to one of her playlists, her singing and dancing around the kitchen making him laugh every single time.

The one thing he missed the most was watching her bake. Turning the kitchen into a mess with flour and different ingredients everywhere. He would always sit at the table, giving her space as she went to work with whatever she was baking that night. He can still picture her chestnut brown hair up in a bun, flour on her face as she read the recipe off her phone. Occasionally looking over at him with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. And even sometimes he would walk over and steal a kiss or two, tasting what she was baking. Those were simpler times, the times he would sell his soul to get back. To get her back.

Now his days were filled with taking his frustration out on still targets and working on his LMG. His nights however were filled with drinking and crying himself to sleep, reaching out to the spot next to him, where she used to lay.

After another shot he slammed the shot glass down and grabbed the purple journal. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to read and see what was inside.

With shaky hands he opened it, having a picture fall out into his lap. When he went to pick it up, he noticed it was of them, snuggled up on the couch in the rec room on base. Glaz was the one that had taken it, then sent it to them that night. Skylar later had it printed out.

He flipped through her journal, seeing the sketches she did while bored and finding another few pictures in the middle of it. Most of them were of them, a few of him and either Fuze, Kapkan or Glaz and a few of Skylar and Ash.

Taking a deep breath he felt the tears well in his eyes, blinking them away for the most part. He set the pictures aside and continued looking. Most of the journal were of her sketches until towards the end, where she actually wrote a few things down.

“Well I didn’t fuck up this mission, THANK GOD. I don’t know why Six picked me to defend a hostage until evac arrives, that’s not my expertise to sit and wait and barricade. I’m a roamer, anyways I was just happy with the operators she chose for said mission. But the real person I need to thank is Tachanka, he saved my life by pulling me out of the line of fire. Definitely need to buy him a whole case of vodka, though I don’t think that’ll fully pay off that debt.”

He softly chuckled, knowing exactly what mission she was talking about. Everything went fine, they were killing each terrorist with ease until one breached a wall near where Skylar was, stunning her. If he didn’t grab her back the back of her uniform and yanked her across the bed she would’ve been killed and he couldn’t have that.

She did thank him a day later, and that night changed their relationship for good. The morning after, she was officially his.

He continued down to the bottom paragraph, a small smile spreading across his face.

“I have never met someone more loving and caring than Alex, he treats me like a queen. He’s completely different than how I imagined him as a boyfriend, and I couldn’t be happier. Truthfully I think I love him and I know he loves me, even if he hasn’t admitted it yet.”

He turned the page to see it blank, then a piece of paper pricked his hand. He grabbed the corner of the paper, slowly pulling it out of the journal. As soon as he saw what it was his heart sank even more and he quickly opened to the page where the photo was.

He held it tightly in his shaking hands, the tears welling back in his eyes, blurring his vision. “Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she tell me she was pregnant?”

Wiping his eyes he went to look at the page, seeing a few things written down.

“I’m pregnant, PREGNANT! Doc confirmed it an hour ago and I’m at a loss for words. I can’t wait until Alex gets back from his mission so I can tell him he’s going to be a papa. He’s going to be so happy, as am I. I can’t believe I’m really going to be a mom.”

He continued reading….

“As soon a he comes back home, Six is calling both of us for a new mission. Apparently there’s an Outbreak in Truth Or Consequence, New Mexico. Ash asked specifically for both of us. I guess telling him will have to wait.”

He glanced back down at the ultrasound picture, tears sliding down his cheeks. He didn’t just lose his girlfriend that day, he lost his unborn child too. A child that would have been loved and spoiled by both parents. And she was right, he would’ve been very happy about this unplanned miracle. Now his heart broke even more than he thought was plausible.

He set the photo down on the table flipping through the rest of the pages, all were empty but one. There was a sketch of him sitting at Ash’s briefing with his feet up on the table and him on his phone and a folded up piece of paper. He softly smiled, grabbing the piece of paper, and letting the journal close on it’s own. 

Leaning back in his chair he unfolded the piece of paper, noticing it was a letter for him. Dated back during the outbreak.

He took a deep breath and started to read it.

“Alex, moya sladost’! This is the last thing I want to be writing, a goodbye note but after what I saw in that hell, I’m not so sure all of us will make it back and I wouldn’t forgive myself for not saying goodbye.

You have made me the happiest woman in the world, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t feel grateful that you’re mine. I wake up and go to bed filled with so much love that I feel like I’m going to explode and it’s all because of you! Yeah we still have our bad days, like every other couple where it feels like this is the end. Only to have our love rekindle in full force. And we still always had our very good days, filled with lots of laughter...and kissing. The nights I would fall asleep in your arms and still wake up there in the morning.

I used to be so afraid of falling in love because every time I did I would get hurt. But with you, it came as easy as breathing, I don’t have to hide my true self from you because I know you’ll love me either way. As I love you!

I hope we both make it out of here and raise the child I’m now carrying. The child I want to tell you about so badly. But we need to keep our heads in this fucked up game and if I told you I know what you would do and right now I need a live boyfriend, not a dead hero. And our child needs a live father.

I can’t wait to see you as a papa, rocking our child to sleep while you hum an old Russian lullaby to him or her. Playing with our child, teaching them right from wrong and all the stories they’ll be told from your Red Army days. This child is going to be so grateful to call you their papa.

As I sit here writing this in our tent, you snoring softly beside me I can’t help but wonder what the universe has in store for me, for us. In a way I think that’s the beauty of being alive, we don’t know what our lives will bring. There is one thing I know for sure, is that I love you, more than anything in this world.

If I don’t make it back, I just want you to know that everyday I spent with you was the best day of my life! I love you Alex, don’t ever forget that! And I’ll be watching over you.”

He set the letter down, tears streaming down his face. He grabbed the vodka bottle in a tight grip, chucking it at the cabinets. Glass and the clear liquid now covering a part of the kitchen floor. He couldn’t deal with the pain much longer, everyday was hell and he just wanted his kotyonok back.

So he stood up, picking up the journal and the photo’s and headed up to the room he and Skylar used to share.

Glaz found him a week later, after not hearing from him and he became worried. As he looked down at his lifeless corpse, blood splattered on the white covers and headboard, he noticed a letter in his hand. Carefully pulling it free from his grasp, Glaz opened it and read it, when he flipped it over there was one more sentence, reading.

“I love you and I’m sorry.”

With tear-filled eyes he looked back at his body, noticing the ultrasound photo close by. He turned away, grabbing his phone from his jacket pocket. When he got to the door he turned back to look at his friend one last time. “I hope you’re with your family now Alex. I hope you’re at peace.”

[dachyun]

✿ , DAEJAE PLE ASE.

↳ smol & cute daejae things by a v lazy mun. 

who is more excited for halloween ?

          DAEHYUNIE,  being a makeup artist who specializes in sfx, is particularly fond of this holiday, especially when you take into account their adoration for dressing up and shopping overall. at least a month prior to the infamous october 31st, they have their whole costume planned out & ordered / custom made, as well as a matching one for their boyfriend - they give him the freedom to be a huge part of this creative process & allow him to add or subtract whatever he wants from the outfit. though the house had an additional, much smaller room if any of the college roommates wanted their privacy, daehyun took it over slyly, since it was right next to his & jaewon’s, transforming it into their beauty room, filming room, costume room, room for when he wants to get especially freaky with jaewon while their home isn’t empty since it has an extra layer of sound isolation. besides, they get spoiled with candy in even bigger dosages than on a daily basis, so how could they not be excited for halloween?

who gives the best gifts ?

          DAEHYUNIE,  who puts a special amount of care, love & attention to detail into every gift they craft or pick out. they use any given opportunity or excuse to shower their friends with gifts - anniversaries, birthdays, christmas, valentines day or any other holiday. they also happen to be the type to buy an item they randomly see while out and about, solely because it reminded them of their significant other, and surprise their loved ones.

who sings along to the radio the loudest ?

          JAEWONIE,  be it genuinely singing with his angelic voice, or being a crackhead and messing around in order to lure a smile or some giggles out of his boyfriend. whatever the instance, daehyun always ends up leaning their head against their lover’s shoulder, either due to swooning or laughing too hard. if it happens to be the former, they often press their lips against jaewon’s throat and feel the light vibrations of his vocal cords - they don’t stop pecking the warm flesh until they hear his voice falter, or have their friends complain about their sickening pda. they even have jaewon hum their favorite tunes as lullabies, slowly putting them to sleep with his honey tones almost every night. daehyun, on the other hand, happens to be insecure and shy about their singing - they merely feel comfortable enough to do it seldom, and only in front of jaewon.

who actually finishes a book they’ve started ?

          DAEHYUNIE,  who doesn’t lay the book down, gripping it tightly, until they’ve soaked in every single word between the hard covers. they feel very peaceful at night, when they and jaewon are in bed, daehyun reading their mystery novel while jaewon is watching space documentaries or entertaining himself in his own way. the comfortable silence between them is soothing, relaxing, no tension in the air whatsoever, allowing dae to get fully invested in the alternative, fictional world he’s reading about. once they finish a chapter, they often make a pause to mold into their boyfriend’s side, snuggle and whine about whatever’s going on in the story, telling him all about the plot and explaining their opinions, starting a discussion which lasts until the ungodly hours of the night, when their lips get too tired to talk and soft kisses bring them the sweetest of slumbers.

who falls asleep during a movie ?

          JAEWONIE,  even though daehyun makes an effort to nudge him every time they catch his lids starting to get a bit too heavy. even though they spend nearly every waking moment together, their sleeping schedules are not entirely synced up, so sometimes when dae’s in the mood to watch a movie, their boyfriend might be too tired for it, but he still does his best to make his little one happy. and who’s to blame him for dozing off when dae has a deadly habit of cuddling whilst watching movies, their fingers carding through the fluffy brunet locks in such a tranquil manner?

who plans a surprise getaway vacation ?

          JAEWONIE  spoils his lover in such a way. daehyun is too much of a control freak, and planning a trip would bring them more stress than anything else, so i assume jaewon takes on that task when he sees their partner needing some additional, extended rest, or when their anniversary is approaching. he’s a lot more spontaneous than daehyun, and although they’d initially panic over the surprise and the fact that they need to pack real quick, i feel he’d put their mind at ease really effortlessly and reassure them that everything would be okay.

who comes home with useless decorative knick knacks for the house every single day ?

          DAEHYUNIE  has been scolded too many times for exactly that. soon, their room will start resembling that of a hoarder, because they can’t not act on their primal impulse to buy shiny, sparkly, cute things, which just so happen to be what they desperately need in that exact moment.

who takes more pictures ?

          JAEWONIE  is quite obviously a lover of the sky, be it during daytime, nighttime, sunrise or sunset, and he tries to capture it all. dae’s heard him complain about the beautiful hues and stars not translating well into pictures via cameras so many times, yet they find it endearing whenever they see the younger directing his lenses upwards. dae doesn’t have the habit of capturing sights they find pretty, which they regret later on, but they love living in the moment far more. i love to think that jaewon has a collection of dae’s cute sleepy photos since that’s the only time he can snap pics of his boyfriend without receiving a fussy reaction in return.

who likes baths? who likes showers ?

          DAEHYUNIE  is a bath type of person. candles, bath salts, bath bombs, relaxation and pleasure for all senses - they are capable of spending hours in calm, bubbly, sparkly & nicely-scented water, until their skin turns pale and wrinkly. it gets even better if there’s soft music playing in the background and their man’s holding them in his arms, pecking their shoulder and conversing with them gently, fingers interlaced for daehyun to kiss them repeatedly. they’re thankful whenever jaewon agrees to spend so much time with them in the bathroom, especially since they feel like he prefers quick showers.

who keeps a weekly planner ?

          DAEHYUNIE  tried to start their inspo and study journals, planners, organizers many a times but each time they buy all the needed stationary items, they keep up the habit for a day or two, and then get too lazy to continue doing it. even if they make a planner for the entire week, they surely will never stick to it - even though they claim they’re organized and have a fixed routine they feel comfortable in, oftentimes they're truly trapped in it, suffocating and waiting for jaewon to come around with his fickleness and ruin their dull schedule.

who actually watches the discovery channel ?

          JAEWONIE.  i can see him eating snacks and forgetting to chew, mouth stupidly hanging open as he stares at the screen in awe. i feel like not even dae walking in front of him in lingerie would be able to unglue his eyes from whatever documentary he’s watching. and even though dae should be interested in some of those due to their background and field of study, they can’t find it in them to gift more than 15 minutes of their attention to that channel. if they have nothing better to do, they stick to their boyfriend’s side and turn into the most annoying, attention-seeking brat in the world - sometimes they just fall asleep on his lap, and other times go down on him, just to test how long he can ignore them before succumbing to their ministrations.

who brings up having kids first ?

          DAEHYUNIE  is that type of person who’s always dreamed of having their one true love throughout their whole life, and in their heart of hearts they truly believe they’ve found that in jaewon. they aren’t afraid of settling down with him, and since they’re so family oriented, they want to have kids with him one day. soon, if anyone asks them. i believe they eased into that conversation when they got their kitty together, testing the potential child waters by babying the animal and using it to spark baby talks. ‘don’t curse in front of kitty, will you do that in front of our babies too?!’ ‘kitty’s in the room, don’t be indecent, you’re gonna scar our kids if you do that in the future’ are some of the comments they not so subtly made before putting a stop to beating around the bush and directly asking: do you want kids? and an even scarier question: do you want kids with me?

who fixes things around the house when they break ?

          JAEWONIE  always has to fix his boyfriend’s messes. objectively being the clumsiest person in the world, daehyun often drops or breaks things, be it something tiny and irrelevant, or actually important house appliances - they claim they don’t need help at first, stubbornly attempting to figure out how to mend their screw-ups, until they eventually get too irked to deal with it and subsequently pass it onto their lover with apologetic puppy eyes. sometimes they even try to earn a smile by saying ‘i broke it just so i could watch you fix it’.

who leaves their dirty towels on the floor ?

          JAEWONIE,  and it irks the neat freak in dae so much. they’ve had too many talks about keeping everything in line, and they do believe he’s doing his best to make them not lose their mind, but it happens occasionally that they come across a forgotten wet towel or a misplaced sock somewhere in the room, to which they grunt audibly, making it known that they’re mad. however, it doesn’t take long for them to cool off, especially if jaewon’s offering kisses or chocolates.

who makes the coffee in the morning ?

          DAEHYUNIE  loves waking their boyfriend up in the morning. if he has classes really early, before they do, & they see him set an alarm for 7am, they wake up at 6:30am, just to spend some sweet time with him before he has to go. they make him a cup of coffee, and leave it on the nightstand before mounting him and waking him up with kisses and hushed sweet nothings. it usually ends with jaewon sitting with his back pressed against the headrest of the bed, dae nestled on his lap and dragging their lips and tongue over the side of jaewon’s neck while he’s sipping coffee and slowly coming to his senses, a large hand supporting the small of dae’s back. they figure it’s a beautiful start of a new day - sometimes the sleep is too good for them to give this treatment to their boyfriend, but they try to include this morning ritual as often as possible.

who gets jealous over very petty things ?

          JAEWONIE.  daehyun doesn’t get extremely jealous unless someone makes a very obvious move on their boyfriend - that’s when all hell breaks loose and wigs start to fly and claws come out. but i do think jaewon’s the more possessive one, especially due to dae’s naturally friendly personality which others may perceive as coquettish and then pursuit the cute little fairy, however also because dae loves consciously making him jealous since they love how he reacts to it, they love feeling claimed.. in a non-toxic, loving way, yk.

who exercises more ?

          DAEHYUNIE  goes to the gym as much as they can, with jeremy by their side, coaching them and making sure they don’t overwork themself. it’s doctor’s orders and they love keeping themself in shape anyway, since they get fairly insecure when they aren’t at their ideal weight. over the time, they’ve built a little bit of muscle, so they find it exciting when they play with their boyfriend and actually have the strength to tackle him or pin him down, overpower him even if it lasts only for a second. 

who actually reads the newspaper ?

          JAEWONIE,  mostly because of the fact that it makes me soft thinking about dad!won reading the newspaper. but i can also imagine dae being too lazy to check what they’re interested in for themself, so they ask him to dig up any existent article for a case they heard about on the news or that someone’s mentioned to them beforehand. they also make him check the weather for them, and little things like that.

[hocats-blog]

7 Lord of the Rings Fan Theories to Rule Them All

As you probably remember, Gollum wasn't always Gollum. For a time he was Smeagol, a Hobbit quickly corrupted by the power of the One Ring. It was his "precious" that afforded him an extraordinarily long life, and warped him into the scrappy half-naked mangoblin that becomes the bane of Frodo and Sam. Though he's been Gollum far longer than he was Smeagol, at times there seems to be a war of identities going on within the sad creature. We assume that the centuries he's spent under the ring's influence has created this rift within the character, but that might not be the case at all. One intriguing fan theory claims that Gollum is actually a personality inside the ring, an entity that can possess anyone. The identity isn't unique to Smeagol, meaning that if someone like Aragorn held it long enough, he'd turn into a pasty diaper-wearing wretch just the same as you would. Think about those we know who have held the ring for an extended period of time. Right off the bat, there's Bilbo Baggins. He seemed relatively chill about the ring and managed to hold onto it for years without going nanners, but we definitely saw some cracks forming in his psyche when Gandalf came to town. Bilbo was less than thrilled about having his "precious" taken away. That, right there -- Bilbo unconsciously "gollum'd." That's the "Gollum personality" breaking through, its infection spreading within Bilbo. The possession gets a bit more overt later on during a conversation with Frodo, at which point Bilbo's face makes a hellish transformation. Looks a lot like Gollum, doesn't it? Bilbo doesn't just call the ring his "precious" just because he heard Gollum say that -- that's actually Gollum talking through Bilbo. For more proof, we have to look no further than Isildur. Remember Isildur is the one who lopped Sauron's fingers off and took the ring? Isildur is also the same shitbrick who, given the chance, didn't toss the ring into the fires of Mount Doom. Instead, he wore it around his neck, which is more or less the Middle-earth equivalent of treating a nuclear warhead like a piece of bling. The corrosive power eventually killed Isildur, but not before he wrote about the ring in a series of creepy journals. Gandalf discovered these writings, and found one particularly disturbing passage. Could it really be a coincidence that a dude who lived thousands of years before Smeagol would used the same word to describe the One Ring? Probably not. It seems a lot more likely that Gollum is a personality inside the ring that infects its host and possesses them to protect the ring and do Sauron's bidding. If Isildur's hubris hadn't ended him, it may well have been his wispy form that Bilbo came across on his initial adventure in The Hobbit. Now, the name "Gollum" is merely the name given to Smeagol after his neighors kept seeing him hacking up a lung every day, so it's probably not the actual title of the deity inside the ring. But the name "Gollum" has significance, in that it's pretty close to "golem," the mythological creature which is made of inanimate materials, but given life from an outside force. It's a compelling theory not because it dramatically changes the story, but because it gives you a new perspective on what the ringbearers must have been going through. That, and it's fun imagining a crazed Viggo Mortensen wearing a diaper.

This is a stupid idea. No one's going to actually come out and say that J.R.R. Tolkien created Albus Dumbledore and the world of Harry Potter. But it's a testament to the strength of fan theories that some beautiful bastard could come up with a convincing explanation that links Hogwarts and Middle-earth. It all relies on the fact that there are five Istari -- better known as "wizards" to people who have seen the sun in the last two weeks -- in the realm of this fiction. You probably already know three of them: Gandalf the Grey, Saruman the White and Radagast "That Forest Hippie Who Refuses to Clean the Birdshit Out of His Beard" the Brown. The missing pieces of this magical grandpa pie are the two "Blue Wizards," which Tolkien glossed over briefly but never really followed up on. Last we heard, they were sent into Mordor to quell the threat of Sauron. They weren't seen again, but there's also no explicit mention of their deaths. The two blue wizards could be anyone, which is why it's entirely possible that they are in fact Albus Dumbledore and his nemesis/boytoy Gellen Grindelwald. All it would take is a temporal or multidimensional mishap, and they'd be in the modern world of muggles. How they got to Earth from Middle-earth isn't as important as the thematical connections. Dumbledore says that "It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated." Meaning that he wasn't going to give up once Sauron was down for the count. Though Grindelwald fell to the "dark side" like Saruman before him, Dumbledore kept up the fight and was eventually upgraded from "Dumbledore the Blue" to "Dumbledore the White." It fits, especially because in Latin, "Albus" literally translates to "white." It makes sense that Dumbledore took the job at Hogwarts, as that was the place he could best mount his defense of the world. Once there, he builds an army of wizards to do just that. And yet, he still remembers where he came from, which explains why there's a portrait of Gandalf the Grey hanging in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore had already assembled his wizard defense force, so he passed off into the undying lands in the most fantastical way possible. The entire theory sheds new light on Dumbledore's words: "Ah, music. A magic far beyond all we do here!" As it so happens, the world of Middle-earth was created via song by the Illuvatar. Did J.K. Rowling write Dumbledore with Tolkien's lost wizards in mind? It's not impossible, but it's probably unlikely. It doesn't matter, because veracity isn't the point of this fan theory. The real strength of this tangled yarn is just how creative it is in weaving two disparate but similar fictions together. These two worlds don't exist anyway, so why can't they they exist in the same place?

Though it's not featured in a big way in the films, the books go into a little more detail about the death of Frodo's parents. Drogo and Primula Baggins drowning during a freak boating accident is tragic, but storywise, it gives Frodo less of a reason to be tied down to the Shire. But one fan theory suggests there's a darker undercurrent to this story, that Frodo's parents were in fact murdered. The culprit: Gollum. We all know that creepazoid is capable of murder. It's arguably the first thing Smeagol ever did as Gollum. After the events of the Hobbit, Gollum set about finding the his precious stolen ring. Problem was, Gollum really only had two things to go on when it came to finding the ring: "Baggins" and "Shire." It's not out of the question that he might come across the Brandywine River on his quest, and he would certainly kill any Bagginses he found there. The theory is propped up by the questionable circumstances of the deaths. There seems to be a question among the Hobbits as to just how Frodo's parents passed. Whatever the case, both Drogo and Primula were pretty experienced boaters, so it's more than a little surprising that they would just fall in the water and die. No, it makes more sense that an angry Gollum murdered them straight out, giving up on his mission once he found nothing on their person. The only real damper on this theory is Gandalf, who claims that Gollum never made it to the Brandywine. That would seem to put an end to this theory, but put yourself in Gandalf's old man shoes for a minute. You're talking to Frodo, the guy who is going to lug the world's most dangerous weapon across a continent, and he's pretty fragile as it is. Now imagine if Gandalf decided to tell Frodo that the same guy who guides him through Mordor is the one that deprived him of his parents -- he'd undoubtedly lose himself to rage at some point, and as a result succumb to the power of the ring itself. If Gandalf hadn't pulled off an Obi-Wan-tier lie, our story would be over before it began. To be fair, at least that one ending is preferable to like seventy.

This almost feels like cheating. This "fan theory" is so perfect, fits so well into the mythos of the series that it's basically canon. But that's exactly the reason it can't be ignored. Just after the Fellowship is formed, the angelic Lady Galadriel offers each member of the group a special gift. Legolas got a rad new bow, Pippin and Merry each received sweet daggers, and Boromir was bestowed with a tacky gold belt that did not go with his bracers. The most interesting gift was that given to Gimli, the dwarf. While most others just took what was handed to them, Galadriel actually asked Gimli what he wanted from the elves. After a bit of stammering, Gimli gave in and requested his greatest desire. Others were naturally curious about this mystery gift. Asking for (and actually GETTING) a strand of Galadriel's hair might sound creepy, but it's really a huge deal. To explain why, we have to rewind a few thousand years. Several millennia before the War of the Ring, there was this shitbird named Feanor. Now, Feanor is a grade-A dickweed, but even he can see how lovely Galadriel is. As the legend has it, Feanor too asked for a single strand of Galadriel's hair, but he was denied. Twice more Feanor made the same request, and twice more he was shut down. Dude wasn't worthy of Galadriel's crusty toenail clippings, much less her luscious locks. Flash forward to the Fellowship, and Gimli's wish for a strand of Galadriel's flawless hair is granted threefold. Though Gimli is likely oblivious to the significance of the gesture, Legolas' smile tells us he understands. Up to this point, dwarves and elves had an uneasy relationship, like co-workers that hate each other but stay cool because they have to be in close proximity every day. But Galadriel saw the innate goodness in Gimli, and rewarded him thrice over. You can almost hear Feanor grumbling "It still only counts as one."

[duchess08]

Meeting Him. Finally.

23/11/2018

So, hi! It’s been a long time since I wrote something here. Yesterday, I met Gifar.... That one old guy that I crushed on back in middle school. It was started with me, stalked him in Instagram and found out that he worked in this cool cafe near my friend’s house. So, I, without no expectation at all, asked my friend about this cafe and turned out she was curious about it and wanted to go there. Well, I thought we could do it next week or sometime but since she will be busy moving to Tangerang, she asked me to go there right the next day!! She even texted me, making sure that we will go. I was so surprised and I can’t stop fidgeting and trembling and hyperventilating the whole night. I woke up and I remembered that I will go to his cafe and just right away, I was shaking and nervous, I even picked my clothes for thousandth times, doing my makeup carefully, etc.. The whole day filled with me being so nervous. I told my other friend who also lives nearby the cafe and she wanted to join. So finally, it’s us three who went there.

Finally, we arrived there at like 3 pm. I started to hyperventilating, my knees were getting weak like I’m sure I can collapse any time, my hands were ice cold, and I walked really slowly.. As we walked the stairs, I suddenly stopped and thinking about not entering at all HAHA, I was so nervous and not ready to meet him (will I ever be?). But then my friends encouraged me, said that it will be okay, and I took a deep breath and keep repeating that maybe he wasn’t there and there was nothing to worry about. The second that I entered the cafe, I saw that the bar is right in the center which means I have no place to hide. The waitress put us in this table that is right in front of the bar which means if he’s there, he will see me right away and I do too. I asked for a further away table but we can’t since it’s for 6 pax. So... Oh anyway, while I walked there, I really turned my head down with my hair down so it covered my face...

Then we have to order something but my mind was still not working so I let my two friends chose. At that time, I still didn’t know whether he was there or not, and my friends as well since I haven’t showed them his photos. But I don’t know, my feelings said that he was there, so close with me.. And after awhile, Ajri begged me to show his pic so at least she can told me where he was or even whether he was there or not. And then I showed him and you know, it’s only a second but she said “yu itu bukan sih?” And Ayu saw the photos and said yes right away. I was so nervous knowing that he’s really there and then Ajri said something that make me more nervous than I will ever be; “Rez, dia pas banget di belakang lo. Beneran pas banget di belakang lo.” And I passed out.. Gadeeeng hahaha. I was so nervous that I started to not turning my head to the left that my neck hurt. After like half an hour, my confidence finally back and I started to act like a normal person. We chatted and I just forget that he was there and my curiousity also calmed down.

But then, suddenly, Ajri said “Rezk, shift dia udah kelar ya? Dari tadi kayaknya ga keliatan deh rez... Lo yakin gamau liat gitu?” And you know, I realized there that I HAVE to see him, even just a bit, or else I will regret this for years. So, since the place is quite silent and I feel that he wasnt at the bar, I turned my head and there he was, right on the corner walking towards the bar.. I asked Ajri whether I am right or not and she confirmed that it was him... You know, I only got to see him for a split second, with blurry eyes that I can’t figure out the details but I just know that it’s him.

He was pretty much the same like in those pictures, with his cap, wearing that grey shirt and brown apron.. He’s tall, well comparing to back in middle school... He’s nearly as tall as me. But in that short time, I just... got happy, elated, ecstatic, to finally able to see him doing well. For these past seven years, I never have the chance to know his whereabouts, maybe just a bit. But finally, able to see him, with my own two eyes, knowing how he changed, is just..... too much that all I ever feel is joy. But yes, I’m still so nervous that after some minutes, I asked Ajri to accompany me to the washroom.

I tried to keep myself from bursting that time. I did everything slowly, washing my hands, drying my hands, hoping that I will regain my confidence back. Then Ajri said these, “Rez, sadar engga sih dari tadi pegawainya kayak ngeliatin kita banget? Liat aja mba-mba yang tadi berdiri, langsung kaget pas liat lo..” I was trying to be calm but I’m not. After hearing these, I dont know... I was happy because it means he did notice me, even though I’m kinda sure that he’s not really sure that it was me. Or maybe, he’s not brave enough, or maybe close enough, to say hi. It’s not like I’m hoping him walking to my table, suddenly say hi out of nowhere because I know it’s impossible for him. 

And then, I walked out from the washroom. I really want to try look at him again, but I failed. My eyes were too blurry and it looked strange if I squint my eyes out of nowhere. So... yeah. We talked again, shared some stories until we decided to go home since it’s already late. You know, back then, I really want to see him again for the very last time. I tried to collect my self but no, I can’t. He really stood beside me, so it’s just too close. We called the waitress, asked for the bill and paid it. We stood up and walked out. All the waitress said thank you, and there was a lot of them in the bar, and I know he was there, saying thank you to us. I’m able to raise my head but only to smile to the nearest waitress that stand around me. 

At that very last time, I tried hard to collect the remaining braveness that I have. Reminding myself that this is the very last chance I have to see him again. And when my friend, who walked behind me, trying to open the door, there I was, turning my head back, seeing him behind the bar. I saw him for some seconds, trying to absorb all of these last memories that I will have about him. Even tho I only able to figure out his side profile, but still, it’s him. I know there were some guys who stand around him and still looked at us, but I don’t care. I want to see him, for the very last time. 

It may sounds cheesy, but I’m so happy to finally able to see him. The guy who I’ve been curious for years. I saw him changing from years to years through the pictures. I know his exes. I always tried to catch up on how he’s doing. I’m so happy to see him doing well, doing the job that he seems love so much. All I ever feel is so happy, to witness this with my own two eyes, it liked I can burst in any seconds. I want to jump, to express how it will end, how we finally able to go with our own in the best possible way.

So, after seeing him, with my friends already walked out from the cafe, I walked out.. I closed the door behind me, with him standing there and I’m ready to leave him for good. 

There is this passage in Forever Princess by Meg Cabot that keeps hanging in my mind;

“I wish I could say when Michael’s dark eyes met mine, I was completely cool and collected about seeing him again after all this time, and that I laughed airily and said all the right things. I wish I could say after having pretty much single-handedly brought democracy to a country I happen to be princess of, and written a four-hundred-page romance novel, and gotten into every college to which I applied (even if it’s just because I’m a princess), that I handled meeting Michael for the first time again after throwing my snowflake necklace in his face almost two years ago with total grace and aplomb.

But I totally didn’t. I could feel my whole face start to heat up when his gaze met mine. Also, my hands began to sweat right away. And I was pretty sure the floor was going to come swinging up and smack me in the face, I suddenly felt so light-headed and dizzy.”

This is definitely me. I wish I could say that when I met him for the very first time since the last 7 years ago, I can look at him, saying all good things, act with poise and grace. I wish I could say that when I met him again, I’m not the same girl, with big frizzy hair, pimples all over my face, too tall for my age, gigantic, fat, who has zero confidence, shy, sometimes bursting in the wrong moments. I am the girl, who’s currently pursuing my medical profession, written a research that will be published in international journal, a semi-finalist in a pageant, having this amazing life of mine, no more pimples on my skin, my hair is smooth that everyone is always jealous for, having this great body of mine that people told me to be a model, so the time I handled him, I can be a girl with full confidence yet humbleness.

But I totally didn’t. I could feel my legs get weak, my face heated up, my breath get shorter and shorter, when he was there. Also, my hands began to sweat and cold right away. And I know, if someone poked me, I would just fall. It feels like the world will smack me and bury me and the room is getting smaller and will succumb me in the end.

Because in the end, I’m still the same old boring girl inside, who’s hopelessly in love with the memories of his. All the accomplishment that I’ve done is nothing when I was with him. I don’t care about those things, because the only thing that I do care is how he looks at me, how he sees me.

There’s this one thing that I will always wonder; How did he feel when he saw me right there? Was he surprised? Was he curious why I was there? Did he even recognize me? How did he think about me, about how different I was compared to the last time he saw me, the last 7 years? Did I look beautiful? Did I amaze him? I truly wonder...

I did say that I won’t ever go out with him, and it still applies today, it never changed. I do question myself thousandth times. Why I keep saying that he will never be my boyfriend? Why I keep saying that I never interested in pursuing romantic relationship with him? Yes, I can say that I like him. But what exactly that I like? Is it his face? No, I mean, I met guys who looks better than him. And to be honest, his isn’t the ideal type for my liking. He’s short, he’s also getting darker now, he’s not that old cute guy anymore, he isn’t neat. Is it his personality? As far as I see, his personality isn’t changed much back since middle school based on my stalking in his personal account. He didn’t write neatly, using this awkward lines, I could even say “alay”. Is it his kindness? No, I’ve never seen him doing something kind that to the point that it amazes me. Is it his life? No... So then I realized, there’s only one thing that keeps me attached to him.. It is the memories of him.

I love him because he was the only one that able to put my life upside down even tho I was still a young teenager. He was the only one who able to make my days better just by a simple text messages. He was the only one who I once want to give chocolate in Val’s Day. He was the only one who can make me blush without any fluttering lines. He was the only one who, is very far from my ideal type, but still able to make me interested in him.

[aion-rsa]

Superman & Lois: How “Fail Safe” Sets Up a Difficult Choice for Lois

https://ift.tt/3wYtFgl

This article contains Superman & Lois spoilers

Superman & Lois Episode 13

Superman & Lois has done so many things right in its first season, deftly paying homage to the classic origins of the Man of Steel even as it explores an entirely new corner of the Superman mythos, introducing intriguing comics heroes like John Henry Irons, and reinventing the story of the final days of Krypton in ways that give Clark Kent a new connection to the home he left behind. 

Thankfully, Lois Lane has been given just as much emotional and narrative weight in this series’ story as her superpowered husband – juggling stories that encompass her roles as a mother, a wife, and a daughter. But despite the fact that she’s essentially the most famous journalist in the world, we haven’t actually gotten to see Lois do a ton of reporting, and her job at the local Smallville Gazette has thus far served as little more than the means that allows her to investigate Morgan Edge.

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And though the latest episode, “Fail Safe,” doesn’t show really show us our favorite star reporter in action, so to speak, it does illustrate how difficult balancing her family’s secrets and her desire to serve the truth is becoming. The hour forces her to face something of an ethical crisis, asking where she’s willing to draw the line when it comes to protecting her family and telling the truth. 

Lois, of course, knows exactly what happened to all the Smallville residents who had Kryptonian consciousnesses stuffed into their bodies and precisely how Morgan Edge was responsible for it. But that’s not exactly a story she can put in the paper, not without potentially exposing multiple members of her family to very real danger. 

The fact that Lois decides to be less than truthful is as understandable as it is shocking. I mean, this is Lois Lane – she’s basically the embodiment of the truth part of the whole truth, justice, and the American way thing. But when faced with uncomfortable questions about Edge and what, precisely, the Department of Defense was doing in Smallville, Lois balks, choosing to lie (poorly) about what she knows. 

As a result, we not only get to see Lois genuinely struggle with what (if anything) to reveal in the press about what happened, we also see her get called on the carpet by a most unexpected person.

Smallville Gazette editor Chrissy Beppo has spent most of Superman & Lois’ first season gazing at her star reporter with heart eyes: Lois is her idol, after all, and she’s beyond thrilled that they get the chance to work together. It’s why Lois’s choice to lie stings so much.

In “Fail Safe,” Chrissy stands up to Lois for the first time, confronting her co-worker (but more importantly, her friend) about the fact that she’s not only lying, but she’s also going against the very thing she always purported to believe in most: The truth. 

“​​I think [that] was a very scary thing for Chrissy,” actress Sofia Hasmik tells Den of Geek. “[But] I think it’s something that needed to be done.” 

“Because a lot of what she does admire in Lois is this very unrelenting, very steadfast approach to journalism. Not only does she admire her as a person, [but she also] admires her integrity as a journalist.” 

In Hasmik’s view, Chrissy calling out Lois’s problematic behavior is a sign of just how much she respects and cares about her. 

“You learn from your idols, you know,” Hasmik says. “And you hope to not only do yourself justice but to do them justice [too]. This is what I learned from you, and this is why I’m holding my ground on this.

By standing up to Lois and standing up for the truth of the story – what a perfect way to pay homage to her idol in a weird way.”

Read more

TV

Superman & Lois Episode 12 Ending Teases More DC Comics Villains

By Mike Cecchini

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Diggle’s Green Lantern “Cosmic Destiny” and a Potential Superman Connection

By Nicole Hill

Much of the tension at the heart of Superman & Lois revolves around trying to keep potentially life-altering secrets in a small town that’s very existence is built on the idea of trust and community. No matter what you do in a place like Smallville, your actions will inevitably impact those around you in ways both good and ill – whether you’re a superhero, a local mom, or an intrepid journalist trying to track down a story. 

Edge didn’t just brainwash a dozen innocent people and force them to do his bidding, he did so by preying on the very connections that make Smallville special. Lana, for example, was such a great choice to convince others to join his company precisely because she was so trusted by her neighbors and friends. It’s why she’s being (pretty unfairly) punished so viciously now. 

So while Lois’s decision to cover for her father and the DoD certainly makes sense – it’s not like they can tell the town residents about the whole Edge actually being Superman’s half-brother trying to build a Kryptonian army thing – it’s also easy to understand why Chrissy would see it as such a personal betrayal. Who’s going to look out for Smallville if not the people that live there?

“I think [for] Lois, this particular moment with Chrissy especially, could be a reminder of what she [once] stood for. And you also see in the episode that Lois has her moments as well. She doesn’t feel good about the situation either. And it is a very in-your-face reminder of why she got into journalism.. I’m just really happy that Chrissy got to play a part in that.”

Ultimately, Lois’ realization that she’s too close to the story to report on it objectively feels like a defining moment for her – that perhaps despite her best intentions both at home and in the office, there are times where she won’t be able to balance everything and difficult choices will have to be made.

“Her entire career  [has been] coming to this sort of ethics build-up of her personal life with Clark and Superman and her father. Where do you draw the line? what stays private?” Hasmik says. 

Though Superman & Lois is a superhero show, it’s also a story about the heroes present in everyday life, whether that means a community that comes together to lift up someone in need or one single woman who’s determined not to keep local journalism alive in her town, even if she has to do itall  on her own. 

“I admire so much that Superman & Lois – it [says] that we all have the ability within us to choose right from wrong. And instead of succumbing to pressures or outside influences, it’s [about] really standing up for what is right,” Hasmik says. “It’s this idea of families, this idea of community, it’s what’s for the greater good and how everyone’s actions [can] influence that. I’m just so proud of the show for having those messages wrapped in every single episode.”

As for Chrissy and Lois, though the pair’s friendship is currently at a rocky place, Hasmik is looking forward to seeing their relationship develop even further as the series progresses. 

“I’m obsessed with the Chrissy and Lois relationship,” she says. They’re such a duo together and I think the relationship has developed so much since we first met Chrissy and since she first met Lois. She’s been holding the Gazette down [on her own] for so long. [So] I love the fact that Lois is with her now and I can’t wait to see the development of where that goes.”  

The post Superman & Lois: How “Fail Safe” Sets Up a Difficult Choice for Lois appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2V4jqtC

[your-dietician]

This Year's Lisa Awards - Diabetes DadDiabetes Dad

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/this-years-lisa-awards-diabetes-daddiabetes-dad/

This Year's Lisa Awards - Diabetes DadDiabetes Dad

It is now in year 12 that my dear friend and wife of my Little Brother (from another mother but just as close)Mark has left this world.  Lisa was a one-of-a-kind woman who proved to the world that one person, just one, is all it takes to change the world; the Power of One.  In memory of that voice that changed the world, I made a promise that I would give Lisa Awards each year to deserving individuals that understand the Power of One.

It’s given to people who, in their own way, change the world just like Lisa did.  This is a VERY BIG deal to me because these awards are not given lightly.  They are given in honor of a woman who was not satisfied to just feel sorry for herself, she changed many lives and I miss her to this day.  My friend Lisa passed away in 2009, at the young age of 36. She battled cancer longer than any doctor thought she would, or even could. Through her life, I learned a hugely powerful phrase that will live inside me forever, along with Lisa’s memory: The power of one person.

Here is a quick summary of Lisa’s story, before we get to the awards. She was diagnosed with cancer.  Lisa and Mark shared their writings of her journey, in real-time, with a hundred or so friends and family members, all of whom were inspired by each word. People learned, shared, and were in awe of their strength and dedication.

And then something happened.

People who were not part of the inner circle started reading the blog posts, and those people became inspired. The hundred readers became five hundred. In no time, the number of readers rose to 1,000, then 1,500. Soon 3,500 people were following Lisa’s story at every turn, both the good and the bad.   Lisa and Mark were so brave in the face of incredible hardship and they inspired others to do the same with grace and dignity, sprinkled with humor.

And then something else happened.

A TV station found out about Lisa and they ran the story on the evening news of her incredible efforts to teach others. Millions heard her story and were inspired by the magic she possessed — the determination to live life and taste every last drop was shared with millions.  So many others now facing trials hit those trial ‘head on’, inspired by this young couple.

Eventually, what Lisa and Mark shared so openly, became a reality and she succumbed to the physical-ness of what cancer can do.  Her spirit, though, was never defeated.  The war would go on with Lisa and Mark’s teaching. Her “power of one” changes lives to this day.

This column, surrounding Lisa’s birthday month, pays tribute to those who understand Lisa’s philosophy of the power of one person. Because I’m more versed with the happenings inside the diabetes community, my Lisa Awards are given to those people who live Lisa’s determination to make a difference with the “power of one” in the diabetes community. These people don’t do it — whatever ‘it’ is — for only themselves, they do it because they think it will make a difference in the lives of those with diabetes. Lisa’s words live in these special people — they know and understand the power of one.

Also, just over a year ago, I lost one of the most influential people in not only my world, but the diabetes world as well, and a dear, dear friend.  Paula Ford-Martin is the reason I have the mantra Diabetes-Dad.  She was a writer, editor, and all-around genius-with-the-word whether in print or broadcast media.  She was a book author, a blogger, and to me; is the main reason the dLife TV show on CNBC was as good as it was.  Paula passed just over a year ago in the same battle Lisa had, and she also is the only one who I bestowed the Lisa Award to twice because she not only understood the meaning of the Power of One, she lived it as an open book right to her less breath to teach others, not only in her own illness, (www.livingwithstageIV.com), but in the real life of her own children’s transition, she became a voice to be heard in the LGBTQIA community as well.  This year, each recipient of the Lisa Award-Power of One is awarded to those who used the written (or/and spoken) word in making a difference; in honor of Paula as well.

This year’s recipients are: Morgan Panzirer.

Morgan’s book, Actually I Can, is an autobiographical account of her life living with diabetes, with the key emphasis on ‘living’. And living she is indeed doing. Now in college in a pursuit of entering the world of medicine, and a lifetime meeting everyone from presidents to superstars and even the pope; but also battling high blood sugars and daily diabetes management, it’s quite clear that Morgan is surely experiencing EVERYTHING life has, both good and bad. It’s not easy to put it all out there showing the world who you are, it’s a tad surprising when it’s someone as young as Morgan. Still in her teens when she wrote the book, her account of what it’s like living with T1D is a must read for anyone, but specifically for those in their teen years. A few years ago, I wrote about Morgan’s dad, diabetes philanthropist and businessman, David Panzirer. Like her dad, Morgan calls them exactly as she see them in her life, and the life she leads, as she deals with diabetes. She makes it clear that there will be no pity-party in their house, she has too much living to do. Morgan’s book is a realistic look at what she goes through every single day and how important it is to keep a self-check on all you do both physically and mentally, when it cones to T1D. She understands what she has and what she needs to do. She understands she is more fortunate than many, but she also lays it out for others to understand that diabetes just doesn’t care who you are and/or where you’re from and she readily points out that it’s not the fear of the storm but more about learning to dance in the rain. She makes it clear to all who are reading her book that if she can live with T1D, anyone can. ………that you will come out on top no matter what it takes. As I read, I came to understand that this is one very special young person. As I interviewed her for an upcoming article, I was touched by her sensitivity to those who had to undergo what she did. She now feels it’s her mission in life to let others know what she found out…..yes, actually, they can. When others might have just kept silent, Morgan is a living voice of The Power of One.

My second Lisa Award Recipient is: Stacey Simms.

Stacey is a host of a podcast at Diabetes Connections, which she does; and an author, The World’s Worst Diabetes Mom—which she clearly is not. With a very extensive background in broadcast journalism, Stacey traded in the glitz and bright lights to help others as she conquered her own trials being a mom to a son who was diagnosed with T1D just prior to turning 2. The amount of awards she has won and the amount of recognition her podcast has been given changes nothing of Stacey’s drive to just help………one parent at a time. To help people living with diabetes…….one person at a time. Her interviews read as a who’s who in the diabetes world, and it is not uncommon to find hear lectures online about being ‘the worst mom’ across the United States which are really just morsels of experiences she has learned over the years. “We must make mistakes in parenting, it’s how we learn and it’s how how we can best give our children the gifts of resilience and self-confidence.” Her velvet voice and incredible interviews make listening an absolute joy and one of the easiest and best ways to educate ones self about diabetes as a whole and also to hear what powerhouses in the diabetes world have to say. One microphone, one woman, and a whole lotta good for this world to experience. Power of One, indeed.

My third Lisa Award Recipient is: Renza Scibilia

Renza is one of those people who, wherever and whenever you see her walking towards you at a conference, you automatically just smile. Chances are, as she is walking toward you, she is already smiling. She possesses an incredible energy that just shines out of her. Her Diabetogenic, Real Life with Diabetes Award Winning Blog is as much an educational tool as it is a sword for those who do anything to lessen the voice of a patient’s needs to be heard loud and clear. When I saw the picture I included in this article, it just shows you who Renza is (minus being a wife and mother too) doing what she is known for, the written word. Living in the world down-under, she travels from Australia as much as needed to lecture and share he experiences, her wins, her loses, and her life living with T1D for over 20 years. Renza lays it all out there for all to see and she is also not afraid to pick up the baton for those voices needing to be heard. A woman who lives by the mantra that her life is not about diabetes…..and it is isn’t, it’s about helping others. Renza is as comfortable being a lead panelist at a worldwide conference as she is is sitting with you having a glass of wine. She is as comfortable speaking to a child about living with T1D as she is fierce about giving a voice to those who go unheard, In as much as I just love seeing that smiling face coming towards me at a conference, I’m just as grateful that my kids with T1D have that advocacy voice speaking up to better their lives. She is a force that proves just how valuable a voice can be, even as a Power of One.

And that rounds out this incredible year of Lisa Award Recipients. Hard to believe that it’s 12 years since Lisa left us, and just over a year since Paula did. If there is one thing I have learned doing these awards each year, it’s just how magnificent people can be. And the world is full of those who just believe that the Power of One, is Power enough………to change the world, even if it is just one person at a time.

I am a diabetes dad. Please visit my Diabetes Dad FB Page and hit ‘like’.

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[jungshookiee]

Two Ghosts

A Kim Taehyung Vampire AU

Rating: M (mature themes, death, blood, sexual themes in the next chapter)

Status Ongoing, part 2 coming soon

Kim Taehyung has been your mortal enemy ever since you were fifteen. He wasn’t always such a monster, but he entered a downward spirl after death had started to surround him. He was a vampire - everyone already thought he was an evil being, so why not make their nightmares come true? Encountering you after you quit vampire hunting may have been his greatest stroke of luck yet - his one and only chance to end it all.

You didn’t expect to meet like this again, not after you expelled yourself from the horrible life of vampire hunting. It only brought death and destruction, fighting a war that was already lost. The vampires were bigger, stronger, and leagues more powerful than you could ever be. Yet, you parents still fought the fight, they still tried to lure you back to killing, just like they had your brothers.

You quickly pressed the call decline button on your phone, shoving it into your back pocket. It was your father again; your brother Yoongi had told you they were heading out tonight because they’d found a lead of vampire killings in the upper east side of the city.

You sat in your apartment, drumming your fingers against the granite countertop. They were idiots, still running with such a dangerous and fast paced life. You father was just turning fifty, your mother forty-eight. They weren’t as nimble as they used to be; you prayed your brothers Yoongi and Jin would keep an eye out for them.

To distract your thoughts, you turned on the news. The reporter was covering a story about a serial killer South of the city who was still at large. The killings were brutal, puncture holes in the neck, mangled torn apart bodies like it had been an animal, yet there were too many bodies - over 30 - for it to be a single animal. The reporter suggested the killer was working with a group, perhaps this was gang violence.

But you knew better. The images they showed were disturbing, but you recognized the symbol painted in blood on the sides of the victims necks. To anyone else, they may have just looked like blood splotches - which you were sure that was what the killer intended - but there were distinct patterns to the blood, like a rose. Your breath stole from your lungs; it was him, the vampire your family had been battling for generations.

Kim Taehyung, the powerful, old vampire that remained alive no matter how many lives he’d taken. No matter how many times he’s crossed your path.

They called you Jaka Wheda, and it meant Bringer of Death. Ever since you and your brothers raided the largest vampire enclave ever found when you were only fifteen, you had been credited for the youngest Hunter with the most kills. The Hunters praised you, your parents were drunk with pride, but all you had thought of was the blood that had stained your hands, the look on your face as you stared at your reflection day after day until you couldn’t bare to look at yourself anymore while you were still out there killing.

Taehyung had been your enemy ever since then. Every time you two brushed paths, you danced with death. Every time, you escaped with your life, yet every time, you felt his strength growing stronger, as if the death of his people fueled his rage. He was the vampire everyone feared, the vampire people saw in their nightmares. And though it was rare, his killing sprees only grew in numbers, just like what was on the news.

Your fingers gripped the chair arms so tight you thought they’d never uncurl. He hadn’t been on a killing spree ever since you stopped working as a Hunter. What triggered him?

You knew Taehyung was unpredictable. You remembered the way he’d look at you when you two fought. His eyes were deep mahogany, sultry, deadly as they seemed to pierce your soul, shaking you down to your bones. You had to admit, you’d never been scared of a vampire until him. You had felt the power he possessed, yet when he’d grabbed you, his bone crushing grip never really hurt.

“My, you look ravishing, Jaka Wheda,” he’d said the night of your last encounter. “I could eat you right up.” He’d laughed then, grinning like a crazed man in the deep moonlight. He’d been toying with you, no matter how sharp and threatening your snakewood dagger had been. He didn’t fear death, he never had.

“You’re finished,” you’d growled, circling him slowly. “You’re done terrorizing this town, killing these people.”

He’d laughed again. “Oh, the Hunters that wouldn’t hesitate to send one of those fancy knives through me? The people who won’t stop to think - hm, maybe he’s not so bad?”

You hadn’t understood what he meant then. If he didn’t want anyone killing him, then why must he act so monstrous?

But you hadn’t had time to process his words because in the flash of light, he’d rushed you and had you pinned to the alley’s dilapidated brick wall.

His face was so close to you, roaming your own expression, dipping down and brushing his mouth against your quickening pulse. “Such a beautiful girl, such blood on her pretty little hands. What makes you better than me, hm? Who’s to judge who lives or dies? Seems like you Hunters are playing God.” He’d tsked his tongue, smirking as he glanced back up into your eyes. “Shame, I wonder how many lives you took that never took a life for themselves?”

His palm had been pressed into your throat, long fingers wrapping around the sides. When you’d spoken, your voice was mangled. “All vampires do is kill,” you’d spat.

“You’re sure?” He’d challenged. “Is that not true for your own kind?”

Taehyung had let you go with a shove, backing away into the shadows. You’d swung outward with the knife, slicing open his shirt as you coughed up the pain he’d inflicted, throat raw. “Coward!” You had yelled into the shadows once he was no longer visible. “I swear I’ll kill you, bastard.”

His only answer was to laugh, the noise floating all around you as if he’d merged with the night.

You shook your head, wondering why you were thinking about that monster when you should have been thinking about your family.

You decided to take a trip to the convenience store across the street; it was ten at night, but you’d skipped dinner earlier and you were hungry. Besides, sitting alone in your apartment only brought on negative thoughts.

The streets were deserted, a few drunks wobbling around, a few stray cats leaping from trash can to trash can. The convenience store’s lights lit the street and you quickly scavenged for a bowl of ramyun and heated it up. Once your belly was full, you second glanced at the snacks, shaking your head. You so badly wanted to pack a backpack and spend a few days investigating the bodies on the news, at least visit the crime scenes, but you were no longer apart of that life; you had to leave it to the detectives.

An image flashed in your mind then, back when you were investigating another one of Taeyung’s kills. It was only one person, a detective who’d followed him home and kept a log of it in her journal. She was found ripped apart in the street, journal obviously missing, but when you’d gone to look for him, you’d caught him down by the wharf, the lake’s tide bumping the leather toe of his boot as his eyes read over the detective’s writings.

“She didn’t have to die,” he’d said, aware of your presence without even turning to look.

“Says the man who killed her.”

He’d turned around to you then, baring pearly white fangs and charged. You’d broken a rib that night, but Taehyung had gotten it worse: your wooden knife, straight through his arm and out the other end. Broken and bruised, you’d stumbled away alive. At least you’d survived.

Yet you thought it peculiar how every time your brothers went hunting for Taehyung, he could never be found. They never caught him, not once. You had a feeling if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t have let you find him. Yet, how many times have your paths crossed? Why would he want to reveal himself only to you, only to fight you?

A noise sounded from behind you, disrupting your disturbing thoughts. You were walking in between the alleyway with your soda can in hand. You stopped in instinct, cocking your head for a listen. Water dripped from the gutter shafts,  a mouse scurried along the concrete toward its hole in the brick siding. A breath blew from lungs mere inches behind you.

You had your knife pulled from your waist and pressed into the man’s throat in the blink of an eye, hitting his head against the bricks to stun him senseless.

Kim Taehyung’s dark, mesmerizing eyes stared back lazily, as if he knew what you were going to do even before you did it. He reclined his head back, looking through thick lashes down at your shocked expression. He wore his usual: jeans, black sneakers, and a leather jacket, dark hair falling messy over his forehead.

“And here I thought the great Jaka Wheda was living as a commoner,” he finally said smugly.

You pressed into his neck with the knife, unable to believe your luck. “Old habits die hard, Taehyung.” He was here, under your knife. You could kill him so easily; you could put a stop to the serial killings, you could put a stop to him.

Yet, he was not resisting. He was not fighting back and that made you nervous. He was limp under your touch, completely succumbing, as if he were trying to hide the great power you knew too well he possessed. You pressed the knife, drawing a trail of blood. “What, you’re going to die a coward? Not put up a single fight?”

His answer was to smile with his lips pressed. You ground your teeth. “I’m going to kill you now,” you warned, watching him carefully.

“Kill me then,” he whispered, pushing into your knife. It started to draw more blood, too much blood, too close to his jugular. You didn’t know why, but you shoved him against the wall, backing away. Behind your eyes, images flashed of that night at the enclave. There was too much blood then too, too much death. You saw Taehyung standing in the midst of it all, looking back at the horror in your eyes. You’d screamed. He’d faded into the night.

Instead of doing what he wanted, you punched him. As if he wasn’t a vampire who could have crushed you, his head snapped to the right, hand reaching to cover the rapidly forming bruise.

“Answer for what you’ve done, coward!” You jammed your boot into his gut, sending his hacking up on his hands and knees. You kicked him, again and again, for every life he’d taken, for not killing you first at the enclave.

“Why didn’t you stop me,” you cried, and it took a moment for you to realize the tears staining your cheeks were your own. “I took so many lives, bastard. Why haven’t you ended me.”

Taehyung was gripping his sides, silent. You dropped to the ground and pulled him against the wall once more, fists gripping either side of his jacket. His lip was bleeding, gaze upraising you carefully. You took your knife again; you wanted a reaction, you wanted an answer from him. If he wasn’t going to fight back, you were going to take advantage of it. Once again, you pressed the knife to his throat.

Taehyung closed his eyes. “Just kill me, Y/N.” His voice was hoarse, damaged, hollow. What has the great Kim Taehyung become? This defeated, lifeless vampire wasn’t the man you knew and hated.

Your jaw locked, your whole body did. Taehyung matched the hatred in your eyes with hatred of his own, but they were not for you. He hated himself, you realized. This was a broken man before you, numb to his own self worth. He was a corpse already.

With your final paramount decision, you took the knife away and stood, holstering your weapon. “Stand up,” you growled.

Taehyung blinked open his eyes, eyebrows creasing as if he could not fathom why you hadn’t killed him yet. You shared the same feelings; you didn’t know why you were doing this, but you had your resolve. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, back hitting the bricks when you pressed a finger into his chest.

“I won’t let you take the coward’s way out, Kim Taehyung. You’ve killed hundreds, and you must live with what you’ve done every day for the rest of your life.” You hesitated, bottom lip trembling. “Just as I have.”

“Yes,” he groaned sadly. “Except, your suffering will one day come to an end, Y/N. My suffering will never end. I’ve outlived my family and friends, I’ve lost the only community that accepted me at your hands, Jaka Wheda.” A single tear dripped from his eye, and you watched it roll down his cheek. “I loathe the monster I’ve become.” His eyes clouded with darkness as he stepped forward. He grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer. Every word he spoke, he pleaded with his entire soul. “Please. I am asking you to kill me, Y/N. You have to. There’s no other hand I would rather die to, my greatest enemy. My only love.”

His words were treacherous, yet his convictions were just. His only love, the words rang through your head, seared into the back of your mind. He’d sought you out from the very beginning and made an enemy out of you - why? To torture himself? It seemed he’s been through a great deal of torture, as if turning himself into the monster he never wanted to be was not great enough.

“I’ve learned to live with what I did to your people,” you said slowly, drawing away from him. “You will do the same.”

“But you don’t know forgiveness,” he whispered sadly, letting you drag your hand from his. Taehyung’s eyes flooded as he watched you go, speaking only your name into the still night.

[notasawrap]

You can listen to the track right now, and you can expect it to be heavily featured on every mainstream radio station in the world from this morning onwards. Go. Listen a few times. Then come back here and keep reading, because there’s some emotions that I need to express right now.

Even as a member of the world’s biggest boyband, Harry Styles marched to the beat of his own drum. Everything surrounding today’s release of “Sign of the Times” indicates that he’s marching more fervently than ever, and inviting the entire world to fall in line behind him. If you don’t, that’s okay — Styles would never do anything as uncouth as resort to force. But for those who do join him on this journey, he’ll lead you, if you’ll allow me to mix my musical instrument metaphors, like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, into the realms of his own hopes and dreams, into the future, into the truth.

The track, co-written by Styles and acclaimed producer Jeff Bhasker (who has Grammys for his work on “Uptown Funk,” “We Are Young,” “All of the Lights” and “Run This Town”) is a whopping five minutes and 40 seconds long, a piano-heavy, falsetto-ridden epic rock ballad. Given that a song of this length is generally, in this lightning-paced, attention-deficit world, considered unmarketable and un-radio-friendly, this is a declaration of intent. Not a single One Direction song cracks the five minute mark — their own most famous example of the driving pop-rock ballad, “Story of My Life,” just about hits four. Pop stars do not release long songs, particularly not as singles. Particularly not as debut singles. Long songs are for artists.

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Styles’ choice to show his hand with “Sign of the Times” demonstrates either an immense confidence in the loyalty of his existing audience, a deep love of his own material, or an absolute lack of fucks to give about what anyone thinks of him. Honestly, it’s probably a combination of all three: that special blend is what has already made Styles stand out thus far as an approachable yet mysterious idol. It must be a blessed freedom, to be so well-loved that you can put whatever you want into the world and know it will be supported. To have that up your sleeve if pushed in a different, er, direction.

Despite their reality-show beginnings, the authenticity of One Direction as people is what made them into a phenomenon. Those outside looking in may have seen boyband fangirl hysteria, but those inside know that it was more than that. It wasn’t about crushing on them — though they are all extremely cute — it was more like they were your best friends, or family members that you were proud of. One Direction’s success was due to the fans — the fans came before the recording contract. When they were eliminated from The X-Factor, their organically growing fan base — thanks to the irreverent, genuine personalities revealed in their brand-new Twitter accounts and grainy YouTube videos — was the reason that Simon Cowell’s Syco snapped them up.

They didn’t know what they were doing, or what was to come. They were 16 years old. They were just some lads having a go. It was truly a matter of demand before supply — and to the elitists out there, wank all you like, but that’s almost grass-roots. That’s an audience choosing what they love and what they want to support, as opposed to being presented something that was packaged and polished in a boardroom and getting told “this is what you will like. Give us your money.”

One Direction’s working-class roots, their refusal to succumb to the trappings of fame, and their respect for their fans have all been key factors in their unprecedented global success. These fans — mostly young women, the most valuable market for any form of pop culture — cannot be tricked, they cannot be bought. They have to choose you. No one knows this better than Harry Styles — he knows that he’s the Chosen One. He knows what that now affords him.

As I mentioned, one thing you may not know about Styles, if you’re not a Directioner, is that, in the most zen-like way imaginable, he doesn’t give a toss what society makes of him. Perhaps “free spirit” a better way to put it — he’s always been a non-conformist reminiscent of the rock stars of the ’70s, with an added dose of authenticity. For them, it was often part of the performance. This is just who Harry Styles is, and it’s what’s made him a superstar.

His fans have always accepted and cherished his oddities, and no one could claim his image is curated by anyone other than him. The polo shirts and chinos first pushed by the label are just a horrible memory these days. He wears glittered boots and shearling coats and womens’ trousers, collects tattoos and modern art, loves motorcycles and Soul Cycle and scented candles and his mother, laughs way too hard at basic puns, and wants to spread peace and love. He’s wholesome AF. Nothing about him is ironic. Nothing about him is convoluted. If Harry Styles likes something, he just goes for it, and this single is no exception.

“Sign of the Times” brings to mind the wailing, emotional ballads of the glam rock and hair metal bands of the ’70s and ’80s — there’s a little Aerosmith, a little “November Rain.” Vocally — especially in the rather unexpected falsetto, from One Direction’s deepest and raspiest singer — there’s shades of Bowie and Prince, artists Styles is known to admire and emulate in his off-beat and sometimes gender-bending fashion choices. It’s orchestral, almost operatic in scope, with something of Coldplay, something of The Killers, something of fellow British ex-boybander Robbie Williams, something of Bhaskar’s previous production buddies Fun. There’s also, weirdly, something in the melodies that reminds me of Hamilton’s “It’s Quiet Uptown.”

Lyrically, it’s about loss — it seems to be about two people who love each other despite an impossible situation. “Will we ever learn, we’ve been here before, it’s just what we know,” Styles croons, revisiting the themes of “Something Great,” one of his most notable writing credits with One Direction, and one of the band’s rawest tunes. This almost sounds like a continuation of the story of that same relationship. Styles has called the track deeply personal, and out of a catalogue of 70 songs, it’s currently the work he’s the most proud of. It’s a classic heart-on-sleeve performance, and naturally, everyone will want to know who it’s about. That’s if you take his “running from the bullets” chorus as a metaphor about fame, of course. If you take it literally, it sounds like a commentary on the refugee crisis. Knowing Styles, either option could be viable.

Despite being down to earth and actually pretty dorky, Styles knows that professionally, he’s hot property, so the access he’s granted to himself surrounding this debut speaks volumes about his priorities. His first post-hiatus feature article was not with a newspaper, or a teen magazine, or GQ, or even Rolling Stone — it was a takeover of the bi-annual cultural journal Another Man, in an editorial that featured three separate photoshoots, a conversation between him and Paul McCartney, and a self-curated catalog of his obsessions, including scanned pages of his diary.

For his first performance as a solo artist, he’s chosen Saturday Night Live — on the first-ever episode that will air concurrently in all time zones. SNL has featured One Direction several times as a musical guest, but their 2013 appearance, in which they debuted the indie-rock-esque and harmonious “Through The Dark,” was widely credited with changing the public perception of the group and building their credibility with a new crowd, both proving them to be extremely skilled live performers and allowing the show’s primarily adult audience to understand the appeal of their cheeky, but not childish, personalities.

These choices seem to indicate a desire to be taken seriously, to validate himself as an artist that can appeal to all corners of culture. The Styles showcased in Another Man is an ethereal aesthete, an old soul, a highly intelligent and creative being with a carefully measured voice and vision, someone who immediately bewitches everyone who ever meets him. Today’s release of “Sign of the Times” demonstrates a slightly different side of Styles. Unsurprisingly to anyone who knows anything about Styles’ personal life — I don’t mean the women the tabloids claim he’s dating, I mean his real personal life — he’s given the single’s worldwide first play, and his only in depth interview, to longtime friend Nick Grimshaw, host of the BBC’s Radio 1 Breakfast Show.

While premiering a debut single on the biggest radio show in your home country may simply sound like good business, it packs more of an emotional punch than that. Styles and Grimshaw have been extremely close since before either of them was a household name. After meeting in 2011, Styles joined Grimshaw’s social circle and was accepted as part of the one of the coolest and most media-savvy cliques in London society — a gang that includes Alexa Chung, Florence Welch, and fashion designer Henry Holland. Not your typical boyband crowd. When Styles based himself in London, he and Grimshaw were inseparable. Styles was present in the studio for the final free-for-all of Grimshaw’s graveyard shift radio show – revealing on air that he’s often sat in before, but wasn’t allowed to speak on the microphone — and he was also one of the celebrities involved in the promotional campaign welcoming Grimmy to the country’s top radio job.

As Britain’s biggest popstar and most prominent radio host, they’ve, of course, interacted in an official capacity — Styles co-hosting with Grimshaw for Radio 1’s One Direction Takeover, and Grimshaw interviewing three-fifths of 1Dsurrounding the release of their movie. Their professional interviews tend to dissolve into giggles, a series of personal in-jokes, or anecdotes about their friends and parents — yes, they’re friends with each other’s parents, and Styles has spent Christmas with the Grimshaws in the past — and they’ve also appeared on the radio together slightly less professionally, including a memorable morning after the 2013 Brit Awards, in which Grimshaw, Styles and an assorted motley crew rocked up to the BBC studios still drunk, having not yet gone to bed. They’ve been photographed together doing everything from attending fashion shows to shopping for groceries. Tumblr has even documented a history of the pair sharing clothes.

Nick Grimshaw does not think he, himself, is cool. He doesn’t think Harry Styles is cool. He’s the opposite of a name-dropper: he’s a self-deprecating homebody, he knows his public life is ridiculous. He tells mundane or hysterical stories about his friends on the radio, which often — especially the ones about Styles — don’t actually name the culprit, the pieces only falling into place later, via a social media post or fan sighting. Grimshaw — who is, like Styles, a working-class lad from near Manchester — is famously social, but he does not collect celebrity pals. He spills a lot of details about his life on his radio show, and through this it’s been established that most of his nearest and dearest were all young hopefuls together, and held tight to each other as they became successful.

The fact that Styles was never the nucleus of Grimshaw’s circle cements that it’s not a friendship of convenience or a PR move, and both he and Styles notably and publicly treat all their friends — famous or not — with the same value. Example: Grimshaw’s best friend, creative director Aimee Phillips, recently married his former BBC assistant producer, Ian Chaloner. Styles is friends with both. Styles is also famously close with his hair stylist Lou Teasdale, and lived, during the height of One Direction’s fame, in the attic of 1D’s go-to video producer Ben Winston. (Winston made the move to the USA with his longtime collaborator James Corden — another of Styles’ pre-fame friends. Expect to see him on the Late Late Show extremely soon.)

Styles’ decision to give Grimshaw this exclusive interview — a two hour session, cut down from a three hour recording — is a deeply personal one. There’s no journalist or host who Styles would reveal more of himself to, no one who can humanize him more. Grimshaw has already spoken on Radio 1 about how nervous both he and Styles were about Grimshaw hearing “Sign of the Times” — Grimshaw, as a reluctant tastemaker and a terrible liar, feared disliking his friend’s offering and being awkwardly unable to offer any platitudes. Thankfully, Grimshaw loved it — but the fact that Styles wants to be interviewed by someone who he knows would never lie to him about whether he was any good, who pokes fun at his slow speech and clumsiness and accidental hipsterness, someone who makes him feel normal, says a lot about how he wants people to view him.

Grimshaw’s interview, which meanders over subjects including, but not limited to: the creation of Styles’ new album, naturally; his controversial romantic life — including the deep 1D fandom meme about him dating Barack Obama; his role in the new Christopher Nolan epic Dunkirk; the fact that he still gets starstruck a lot; his family, his bandmates, and his vehement belief that Brussels sprouts are the new kale. Grimshaw also gently mocks Styles about a few of the more diva-like rumors about his life — an organic chance for the star to put them to bed. The recording of this chat is already being provided to other publications as a source for their promotional articles about “Sign of the Times” — instead of their own interview opportunities, they’re getting Grimshaw’s version of Styles — arguably, the real Styles, as close as the public is allowed to get to who he is behind closed doors.

This isn’t a new Harry Styles. This is who Harry Styles has always been — why he’s gained respect and loyalty from so many people, including huge handfuls of industry professionals and dozens and dozens of celebrities, in many genres and mediums, many of whom may be considered, by close-minded purists, to be “real artists” compared to Harry’s “manufactured popstar.” From Ed Sheeran to John Legend, Elton John to Mick Jagger, Kesha to Kristen Wiig, no one has a bad word to say about him. He is beloved by all. Even one of Rolling Stone’s most esteemed music critics, Rob Sheffield, who’s, for the record, a 50 year old straight dude, has gushed his praises. The kid baked Stevie Nicks a freakin’ birthday cake, people.

What Styles puts out into the world, how he presents himself as a public figure, is truly unique. He’s never rude, never snobby, never jaded, never dismissive. He has a wicked and sly humor, he gets along with children and old people. Forget the fact that he’s a heartthrob. As a role model for young women (and young men, and, while we’re at it, the sitting president of these United States) there isn’t a better one around. He’s inclusive and progressive in a way that seems to come from his core — he’s a feminist, a vocal supporter of the LGBTQIA+ community, a paragon of atypical maleness, so comfortable with his image that he’s willing to rebut a bandmate’s quip that the most important quality in an ideal partner should be “female,” with a chiding “not that important.” (Styles’ preferences were, instead, ‘sense of humor’ and ‘being nice to people.’) Regardless of where he chooses to put his penis, his gentle wokeness, and awareness of how heteronormativity hurts, is a quality that every 21st century man should aspire to. He’s constantly conscious, and his reputation as a bad-boy lothario is completely bizarre — he’s never made a public mess of himself, never even made a social media misstep, and any mother should be grateful to send her daughter (or, you know, son) out on a date with him.

This isn’t clueless happenstance. Harry Styles knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s put a lot of hard work ultimately into earning the right to be himself, and to use his influence in order to shape the world around him as he dreams it to be. His image, his taste, and now his sound are all both timeless and yet completely original. He’s going to be the biggest male solo artist on the planet — he already pretty much is — and a world in which Harry Styles is a dominant voice in the cultural zeitgeist is a more beautiful, more gentle, more daring world. We must all just pray that we don’t accidentally punch the first person — the first One Direction naysayer who probably also thinks Justin Timberlake is the essence of hip and who would have never given *NSYNC the time of day — who we overhear saying that Harry Styles is “cool now.” Styles really wouldn’t like it.

Listen to the whole interview on BBC’s Radio 1 Breakfast Show now.

[wellhello1derland]

First things first: “Sign of the Times,” the debut single from One Direction’s Harry Styles, just had its first play worldwide, on BBC’s Radio 1.

You can listen to the track right now, and you can expect it to be heavily featured on every mainstream radio station in the world from this morning onwards. Go. Listen a few times. Then come back here and keep reading, because there’s some emotions that I need to express right now.

Even as a member of the world’s biggest boyband, Harry Styles marched to the beat of his own drum. Everything surrounding today’s release of “Sign of the Times” indicates that he’s marching more fervently than ever, and inviting the entire world to fall in line behind him. If you don’t, that’s okay — Styles would never do anything as uncouth as resort to force. But for those who do join him on this journey, he’ll lead you, if you’ll allow me to mix my musical instrument metaphors, like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, into the realms of his own hopes and dreams, into the future, into the truth.

The track, co-written by Styles and acclaimed producer Jeff Bhasker (who has Grammys for his work on “Uptown Funk,” “We Are Young,” “All of the Lights” and “Run This Town”) is a whopping five minutes and 40 seconds long, a piano-heavy, falsetto-ridden epic rock ballad. Given that a song of this length is generally, in this lightning-paced, attention-deficit world, considered unmarketable and un-radio-friendly, this is a declaration of intent. Not a single One Direction song cracks the five minute mark — their own most famous example of the driving pop-rock ballad, “Story of My Life,” just about hits four. Pop stars do not release long songs, particularly not as singles. Particularly not as debut singles. Long songs are for artists.

Styles’ choice to show his hand with “Sign of the Times” demonstrates either an immense confidence in the loyalty of his existing audience, a deep love of his own material, or an absolute lack of fucks to give about what anyone thinks of him. Honestly, it’s probably a combination of all three: that special blend is what has already made Styles stand out thus far as an approachable yet mysterious idol. It must be a blessed freedom, to be so well-loved that you can put whatever you want into the world and know it will be supported. To have that up your sleeve if pushed in a different, er, direction.

Despite their reality-show beginnings, the authenticity of One Direction as people is what made them into a phenomenon. Those outside looking in may have seen boyband fangirl hysteria, but those inside know that it was more than that. It wasn’t about crushing on them — though they are all extremely cute — it was more like they were your best friends, or family members that you were proud of. One Direction’s success was due to the fans — the fans came before the recording contract. When they were eliminated from The X-Factor, their organically growing fan base — thanks to the irreverent, genuine personalities revealed in their brand-new Twitter accounts and grainy YouTube videos — was the reason that Simon Cowell’s Syco snapped them up.

They didn’t know what they were doing, or what was to come. They were 16 years old. They were just some lads having a go. It was truly a matter of demand before supply — and to the elitists out there, wank all you like, but that’s almost grass-roots. That’s an audience choosing what they love and what they want to support, as opposed to being presented something that was packaged and polished in a boardroom and getting told “this is what you will like. Give us your money.”

One Direction’s working-class roots, their refusal to succumb to the trappings of fame, and their respect for their fans have all been key factors in their unprecedented global success. These fans — mostly young women, the most valuable market for any form of pop culture — cannot be tricked, they cannot be bought. They have to choose you. No one knows this better than Harry Styles — he knows that he’s the Chosen One. He knows what that now affords him.

As I mentioned, one thing you may not know about Styles, if you’re not a Directioner, is that, in the most zen-like way imaginable, he doesn’t give a toss what society makes of him. Perhaps “free spirit” a better way to put it — he’s always been a non-conformist reminiscent of the rock stars of the ’70s, with an added dose of authenticity. For them, it was often part of the performance. This is just who Harry Styles is, and it’s what’s made him a superstar.

His fans have always accepted and cherished his oddities, and no one could claim his image is curated by anyone other than him. The polo shirts and chinos first pushed by label are just a horrible memory these days. He wears glittered boots and shearling coats and womens’ trousers, collects tattoos and modern art, loves motorcycles and Soul Cycle and scented candles and his mother, laughs way too hard at basic puns, and wants to spread peace and love. He’s wholesome AF. Nothing about him is ironic. Nothing about him is convoluted. If Harry Styles likes something, he just goes for it, and this single is no exception.

“Sign of the Times” brings to mind the wailing, emotional ballads of the glam rock and hair metal bands of the ’70s and ’80s — there’s a little Aerosmith, a little “November Rain.” Vocally — especially in the rather unexpected falsetto, from One Direction’s deepest and raspiest singer — there’s shades of Bowie and Prince, artists Styles is known to admire and emulate in his off-beat and sometimes gender-bending fashion choices. It’s orchestral, almost operatic in scope, with something of Coldplay, something of The Killers, something of fellow British ex-boybander Robbie Williams, something of Bhaskar’s previous production buddies Fun. There’s also, weirdly, something in the melodies that reminds me of Hamilton’s “It’s Quiet Uptown.”

Lyrically, it’s about loss — it seems to be about two people who love each other despite an impossible situation. “Will we ever learn, we’ve been here before, it’s just what we know,” Styles croons, revisiting the themes of “Something Great,” one of his most notable writing credits with One Direction, and one of the band’s rawest tunes. This almost sounds like a continuation of the story of that same relationship. Styles has called the track deeply personal, and out of a catalogue of 70 songs, it’s currently the work he’s the most proud of. It’s a classic heart-on-sleeve performance, and naturally, everyone will want to know who it’s about. That’s if you take his “running from the bullets” chorus as a metaphor about fame, of course. If you take it literally, it sounds like a commentary on the refugee crisis. Knowing Styles, either option could be viable.

Despite being down to earth and actually pretty dorky, Styles knows that professionally, he’s hot property, so the access he’s granted to himself surrounding this debut speaks volumes about his priorities. His first post-hiatus feature article was not with a newspaper, or a teen magazine, or GQ, or even Rolling Stone — it was a takeover of the bi-annual cultural journal Another Man, in an editorial that featured three separate photoshoots, a conversation between him and Paul McCartney, and a self-curated catalog of his obsessions, including scanned pages of his diary.

For his first performance as a solo artist, he’s chosen Saturday Night Live — on the first-ever episode that will air concurrently in all time zones. SNL has featured One Direction several times as a musical guest, but their 2013 appearance, in which they debuted the indie-rock-esque and harmonious “Through The Dark,” was widely credited with changing the public perception of the group and building their credibility with a new crowd, both proving them to be extremely skilled live performers and allowing the show’s primarily adult audience to understand the appeal of their cheeky, but not childish, personalities.

These choices seem to indicate a desire to be taken seriously, to validate himself as an artist that can appeal to all corners of culture. The Styles showcased in Another Man is an ethereal aesthete, an old soul, a highly intelligent and creative being with a carefully measured voice and vision, someone who immediately bewitches everyone who ever meets him. Today’s release of “Sign of the Times” demonstrates a slightly different side of Styles. Unsurprisingly to anyone who knows anything about Styles’ personal life — I don’t mean the women the tabloids claim he’s dating, I mean his real personal life — he’s given the single’s worldwide first play, and his only in depth interview, to longtime friend Nick Grimshaw, host of the BBC’s Radio 1 Breakfast Show.

While premiering a debut single on the biggest radio show in your home country may simply sound like good business, it packs more of an emotional punch than that. Styles and Grimshaw have been extremely close since before either of them was a household name. After meeting in 2011, Styles joined Grimshaw’s social circle and was accepted as part of the one of the coolest and most media-savvy cliques in London society — a gang that includes Alexa Chung, Florence Welch, and fashion designer Henry Holland. Not your typical boyband crowd. When Styles based himself in London, he and Grimshaw were inseparable. Styles was present in the studio for the final free-for-all of Grimshaw’s graveyard shift radio show – revealing on air that he’s often sat in before, but wasn’t allowed to speak on the microphone — and he was also one of the celebrities involved in the promotional campaign welcoming Grimmy to the country’s top radio job.

As Britain’s biggest popstar and most prominent radio host, they’ve, of course, interacted in an official capacity — Styles co-hosting with Grimshaw for Radio 1’s One Direction Takeover, and Grimshaw interviewing three-fifths of 1D surrounding the release of their movie. Their professional interviews tend to dissolve into giggles, a series of personal in-jokes, or anecdotes about their friends and parents — yes, they’re friends with each other’s parents, and Styles has spent Christmas with the Grimshaws in the past — and they’ve also appeared on the radio together slightly less professionally, including a memorable morning after the 2013 Brit Awards, in which Grimshaw, Styles and an assorted motley crew rocked up to the BBC studios still drunk, having not yet gone to bed. They’ve been photographed together doing everything from attending fashion shows to shopping for groceries. Tumblr has even documented a history of the pair sharing clothes.

Nick Grimshaw does not think he, himself, is cool. He doesn’t think Harry Styles is cool. He’s the opposite of a name-dropper: he’s a self-deprecating homebody, he knows his public life is ridiculous. He tells mundane or hysterical stories about his friends on the radio, which often — especially the ones about Styles — don’t actually name the culprit, the pieces only falling into place later, via a social media post or fan sighting. Grimshaw — who is, like Styles, a working-class lad from near Manchester — is famously social, but he does not collect celebrity pals. He spills a lot of details about his life on his radio show, and through this it’s been established that most of his nearest and dearest were all young hopefuls together, and held tight to each other as they became successful.

The fact that Styles was never the nucleus of Grimshaw’s circle cements that it’s not a friendship of convenience or a PR move, and both he and Styles notably and publicly treat all their friends — famous or not — with the same value. Example: Grimshaw’s best friend, creative director Aimee Phillips, recently married his former BBC assistant producer, Ian Chaloner. Styles is friends with both. Styles is also famously close with his hair stylist Lou Teasdale, and lived, during the height of One Direction’s fame, in the attic of 1D’s go-to video producer Ben Winston. (Winston made the move to the USA with his longtime collaborator James Corden — another of Styles’ pre-fame friends. Expect to see him on the Late Late Show extremely soon.)

Styles’ decision to give Grimshaw this exclusive interview — a two hour session, cut down from a three hour recording — is a deeply personal one. There’s no journalist or host who Styles would reveal more of himself to, no one who can humanize him more. Grimshaw has already spoken on Radio 1 about how nervous both he and Styles were about Grimshaw hearing “Sign of the Times” — Grimshaw, as a reluctant tastemaker and a terrible liar, feared disliking his friend’s offering and being awkwardly unable to offer any platitudes. Thankfully, Grimshaw loved it — but the fact that Styles wants to be interviewed by someone who he knows would never lie to him about whether he was any good, who pokes fun at his slow speech and clumsiness and accidental hipsterness, someone who makes him feel normal, says a lot about how he wants people to view him.

Grimshaw’s interview, which meanders over subjects including, but not limited to: the creation of Styles’ new album, naturally; his controversial romantic life — including the deep 1D fandom meme about him dating Barack Obama; his role in the new Christopher Nolan epic Dunkirk; the fact that he still gets starstruck a lot; his family, his bandmates, and his vehement belief that Brussels sprouts are the new kale. Grimshaw also gently mocks Styles about a few of the more diva-like rumors about his life — an organic chance for the star to put them to bed. The recording of this chat is already being provided to other publications as a source for their promotional articles about “Sign of the Times” — instead of their own interview opportunities, they’re getting Grimshaw’s version of Styles — arguably, the real Styles, as close as the public is allowed to get to who he is behind closed doors.

This isn’t a new Harry Styles. This is who Harry Styles has always been — why he’s gained respect and loyalty from so many people, including huge handfuls of industry professionals and dozens and dozens of celebrities, in many genres and mediums, many of whom may be considered, by close-minded purists, to be “real artists” compared to Harry’s “manufactured popstar.” From Ed Sheeran to John Legend, Elton John to Mick Jagger, Kesha to Kristen Wiig, no one has a bad word to say about him. He is beloved by all. Even one of Rolling Stone’s most esteemed music critics, Rob Sheffield, who’s, for the record, a 50 year old straight dude, has gushed his praises. The kid baked Stevie Nicks a freakin’ birthday cake, people.

What Styles puts out into the world, how he presents himself as a public figure, is truly unique. He’s never rude, never snobby, never jaded, never dismissive. He has a wicked and sly humor, he gets along with children and old people. Forget the fact that he’s a heartthrob. As a role model for young women (and young men, and, while we’re at it, the sitting president of these United States) there isn’t a better one around. He’s inclusive and progressive in a way that seems to come from his core — he’s a feminist, a vocal supporter of the LGBTQIA+ community, a paragon of atypical maleness, so comfortable with his image that he’s willing to rebut a bandmate’s quip that the most important quality in an ideal partner should be “female,” with a chiding “not that important.” (Styles’ preferences were, instead, ‘sense of humor’ and ‘being nice to people.’) Regardless of where he chooses to put his penis, his gentle wokeness, and awareness of how heteronormativity hurts, is a quality that every 21st century man should aspire to. He’s constantly conscious, and his reputation as a bad-boy lothario is completely bizarre — he’s never made a public mess of himself, never even made a social media misstep, and any mother should be grateful to send her daughter (or, you know, son) out on a date with him.

This isn’t clueless happenstance. Harry Styles knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s put a lot of hard work ultimately into earning the right to be himself, and to use his influence in order to shape the world around him as he dreams it to be. His image, his taste, and now his sound are all both timeless and yet completely original. He’s going to be the biggest male solo artist on the planet — he already pretty much is — and a world in which Harry Styles is a dominant voice in the cultural zeitgeist is a more beautiful, more gentle, more daring world. We must all just pray that we don’t accidentally punch the first person — the first One Direction naysayer who probably also thinks Justin Timberlake is the essence of hip and who would have never given *NSYNC the time of day — who we overhear saying that Harry Styles is “cool now.” Styles really wouldn’t like it.

Listen to the whole interview on BBC’s Radio 1 Breakfast Show now.

BY NATALIE FISHER EDITED BY DONYA ABRAMO APRIL 7, 2017

[just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms]

The Brain

Title: The Brain

Inspired by M. Night Shyamalan’s movie Split featuring James McAvoy 

Not Supernatural related

Mentions of rape, homicide, and suicide. This is NOT graphic though. 

“When did your son tell you about all this?”

“Alex came home after playing at the park, went into his room and slammed the door. It was a few days before he finally started to break his silence and start breaking down. That’s, that’s when I found out.”

“Father Mark, no offence, I really don’t want to talk to you.”

“Alex, this isn’t something to keep bottled up inside. You need to let other people in so we can help you. You need to let God in, Alex.”

“Where the fuck was God then when it happened?”

“There he goes, he drives that same route every single time. Tom we gotta get someone about this. This is too big not to say something.”

“Did I ask you for your opinion or for you to help me hack traffic cams Dan?”

“Hack traffic cams.”

“That’s what I thought. Now show me two weeks ago again. What did he buy from the store?”

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

“Confess your sins and they will be forgiven.”

“I…I’ve been having urges…again.”

“Is this my child who I spoke with last week?”

“About the, the young one yes. I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Did you call those help lines like I suggested and do your penance?”

“Yes Father.”

“Did it help?”

“A little.”

“Then continue on this path to righteousness and forgiveness.”

“Tom, you can’t do this. Let the authorities handle it!”

“Dan, what happened when this happened to me in 4th grade? The guy is still walking and talking and nothing happened! No one believes kids. We’ve seen the evidence. I don’t give a fuck if I get caught. I’m getting even.”

“You better be sure about what you’re doing.”

“I’ve made this a million times at work. I know what I’m doing. Just keep following his movements.”

“Spicer, county Sheriff’s office. Yes, I am working on that case. Mhm, mhm, yep I was aware of that. No, no we are still working on locating the vehicle. Yes, we are aware that it’s a common make and model we are looking for. Yes, thanks for that tip. Mhm, bye.” Yes, I fucking know we aren’t getting anywhere dip shit’s.

“Mom! Stop! I don’t want to talk about this!! I told you everything already!”

“Alex, you can’t keep closing yourself off! You need to talk about this!”

“HE RAPED ME! Happy?! There! I talked about it!”

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

“Confess your sins and they will be forgiven.”

“I stopped using the help lines.”

“My child, have you, have you succumbed to these urges?”

“I…no…not recently.”

“What do you mean by recently?”

“I need to leave.”

“Did he go to the food truck today?”

“Yeah, same order as always. Yes, I added the exact amount you said.”

“Good, did he taste it?”

“Not that I could tell, no. It happened just how you said it would.”

“Ma’am, I swear we are working as hard as we can.”

“It’s a popular park! How could no one have seen him leave?! Someone had to have seen something!”

“We are looking at everything possible. It’s just difficult without some more descriptors. Has he given you any more information?”

“He won’t talk about it.”

“Tom, I can’t do this anymore!”

“You’re going to let that, that monster go free?!”

“We need to tell the cops man, let them handle it.”

“They won’t handle it! They have nothing! You’ve seen the news. They are spinning their wheels while this kid has to suffer with what this man did to him! I’m taking care of it. I could care less what happens to me. Dan, you can go. I’m not stopping though. And just remember, who hacked the traffic cams for me?”

“It’s been three weeks. He still is doing fine!”

“Just trust me. You’ll know when it kicks in.”

“Alex? Alex are you okay?”

“I’m, I’m fine. Just, my stomach.”

“Yours is hurting too? I think something is going around, Father Mark doesn’t feel good either.”

“I need to talk to you about the open case about the boy named Alex. I think my buddy Tom is going to hurt someone.”

“How does this relate to the case?”

“We, I mean he... we know who did it.”

“Father. I sinned. The time of atonement is here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can feel his wrath at my actions. He is punishing me.”

“Tom, I think it worked. He didn’t come by today.”

“I told you to give it time, Dan.”

“I know who did it Beth. I know who hurt your son.”

“Do you have him in custody?!”

“Not yet. We are confident we’ll have him tonight though.”

“Forgive me Lord, I have sinned and hurt your child. My time has come. Your will is justified.”

“Today I mourn the loss of Patrick. He struggled with Dissociative Identity Disorder for nearly 40 years. The brain is something we are constantly marveled by, it’s abilities while largely known are also a constant mystery and a developing area of study. While being a difficult patient, he did teach me more about this disorder than I could have ever imagined. His personalities were not all pleasant, as his life was not all pleasant.

“His identities included Beth a loving mother, Alex her troubled child, Father Mark the family priest, Dan a food truck owner who was also gifted with computers, Tom a professional chemist with a tortured past, Sheriff Spicer who was his conscious that tried to balance out his final personality, The Man who was a haunting memory from his past. He had a total of 6 other identities besides his true self.

“Patrick’s cause of death was ruled a suicide. High levels of volatile chemicals were found in his body.  His journal, while mostly disorganized, detailed his final months with some clarity. His identities played out his desired outcome from his own trauma and abuse. He was both abusing and trying to punish himself while his conscious, Sheriff Spicer, tried to sort everything out.

“I sincerely hope that Patrick finds some peace. His time spent with me will hopefully be able to serve as some sort of evidence of the validity of this condition so that others suffering like he did can have their own personal struggle validated.”

Let me know what you think!!!

Tags: @flannel-and-fandoms @pretttypadalecki @emilytehrani @lonefandomwanderer @ellen-reincarnated1967 @emoryhemsworth @kkstars @uttertrash--butlikecutetrash

[pen-masta]

The Girlfriend Guru Part 2

1 2 3

Castel has been visiting every single weekend since the start of the semester…sometimes even during the week too. He comes to the campus and takes Joy out for dinner, or ice cream, or just curls up in her room watching movies on her laptop. Maggie tags along sometimes if they invite her, but she wants to give them their time.

However, the few times she has gone out with them has given her a chance to make several notes. She opens her little brown journal she keeps only for her observations–what kind of Girlfriend Guru would she be if she didn’t take notes? Ha!

From what she’s seen Castel and Joy are very close friends and she means very close friends. When Joy is sitting on the couch trying to find something good on the television, Castel plops down in the seat next to her. Seems normal right? Wrong! Sure if he was just sitting next to her it’d be nothing, but Castel sits as close to Joy as he possibly can get. His thigh pressed against hers, wrapping his arm around her, hugging her into his side. Look she’s sorry but, no. No “just guy friend” she’s ever known just sits like that with his BFFF–best female friend forever. It’s very physical with them too. He’s always hugging her, holding her hand, poking her, tickling her, cuddling with her, you name it! Anyway he can be close to her he does it! Oh but it’s not just Castel who’s touchy feely though. Joy is just as guilty!

When he sits next to her like that she will automatically place her hand over his, easily intertwining their fingers without missing a single beat! If they are sitting across from each other at a table she places her feet in his lap. When watching a movie she curls up and cuddles into him. If he stays a night at their place they’ll watch movies all night long on her bed or on the couch. Falling asleep curled up against each other, his arms secured around her and her head nestled into his chest. Not to mention, when they had their first college party they had run out of seats by the time Castel got there. But no worries, it wasn’t even an issue. Joy had seen him and waved him over while she continued her conversation. She had stood up giving him her seat, only to sit back down in his lap. Not once stopping her conversation!

And they’ve kissed! Ok well more like just little pecks hello or good bye on the cheek, but still! Lip contact! And does she even need to mention the cute little pet names? Oh these two need guidance serious, serious guidance. Guidance that the Girlfriend Guru was eager to give them.

Maggie skims over the rest of her notes. Castel is extremely intelligent and seems to be more of a realist, of course he has a moment here and there but he seems to be more of a think-it-through kind of guy. Joy on the other end of the spectrum is extremely artistic, dramatic, and colorful. She is beyond the meaning of a dreamer and Castel seems to just adore her for it. They really are opposites, and yet the perfect match! Every dreamer needs a realist to keep them from flying too high into outer space, and every realist needs a dreamer to help them cut loose and be silly and have fun.

Although he is a realist, Castel isn’t boring. In fact he’s down right hilarious! He’s interesting, he’s got a wealth of knowledge always throwing out fun little stories about something or other–always grabbing Joy’s full attention. He’s very sarcastic and sassy just like Joy which allows them to play off of each other. He’s always trying to make Joy laugh too. Maggie has noticed everywhere they go he tries to at least make her giggle and when he does his grin grows in triumph and his eyes crinkle in utter happiness.

Joy has a bubbly personality but when Castel is around she’s extremely giddy. She’s always wanting to do something with him, watch a movie, walk downtown, play a game, anything. She’s also very competitive, and she loves challenging him. And she doesn’t always like to win, several times in their play-fights she will give in or let him win just to see him laugh in victory–which in turn makes her smile. She teases him a lot too, which then gets him to tease her which leads to another play-fight. She blushes a lot when she’s around him too. She’s always blushing and giggling with him, of course to the untrained eye it looks friendly but Maggie’s seen that look before. It’s the I-really-want-to-flirt-but-at-the-same-time-don’t-want-to look. Oh her poor roommate all flustered and caught in between friend-zone and relationship.

They bounce ideas off each other too. Castel is always mapping out new routes for their big West Virginia trip after she graduates. Or he’s making blueprints for a new product for his company. Either way he asks her what she thinks of this shape, or this route, or what they should hunt, or if they’ll need knives or stakes…Maggie doesn’t know what that means but hey it’s whateves. Likewise, Joy uses him for critiques on her projects, or ideas for a painting, or she even uses him as her model for her body art ideas.

They both seem to be flirting really. Castel showing his vast knowledge and making getting her to laugh his goal, Joy blushing and giggling and teasing and playing. Both flirting but not flirting. Not to mention the way Castel watches Joy leave to go to the bathroom, the look in his eyes is a pure mix of love and longing…but something stops him. Obviously, neither wants to be the first in moving their friendship into something more serious–probably both worried about the other not feeling the same and possibly ruining what they already have. That’s why they need a mediator like Maggie.

Maggie hums as she scribbles some more notes in her journal. But she’s pulled from her thoughts by the very loud voices coming from the little living room. She smiles and walks over to the door that’s ajar. She peeks out to see them standing in front of the couch. Joy is holding a Wii remote outstretched away from Castel and Castel is crossing his arms–both smiling a teasing, playful grin.

“I demand a rematch,” Joy says firmly.

“Joy just because you are not good at Smash Bros doesn’t mean the rest of the world gets punished for it.” Castel chuckles.

“I’m not punishing the rest of the world,” she grins. “I’m punishing you.”

“Kirby is the weakest character,” Castel shakes his head. “If you stop playing as him maybe you’d actually win.”

“Don’t you dare spew your lies about my sweet little Kirby!” Joy gasps and Castel chuckles again. “I want a rematch.”

“No dice sista,” he grins and holds his hand out. “Give me the remote.”

“No way hose-ay.” Joy shakes her head, “My apartment, my game, my television, my remote.”

“My, my, my,” Castel mocks in a nasally voice and laughs in said voice, causing Joy’s face to sour.

“When you do that voice you sound like,” she starts but Castel cuts her off.

“Don’t say it,” he warns pointing at her.

Joy smirks and narrows her eyes, “You sound just like.”

“I’m warning you J-bird,” he growls. “There will be severe repercussions if you say it.”

“Say what?” Joy asks with mock innocence, batting her eyes.

“You know what,” he hisses. “Don’t say it Jo-jo.”

“Fine, fine.” Joy huffs and crosses her arms. They are both quiet before Joy lets out a small taunting, “Janice.”

“That’s it!” Castel roars and lunges at her.

Joy yips and runs away, they both run around the coffee table a few times before they stop. They both laugh and look at each other panting a little.

“We could do this all day,” Joy says.

“You’re right,” Castel smirks. “But I won’t!” He says as he leaps up onto the coffee table.

Joy squeaks and dashes for the bedroom door, but Castel is faster. He jumps from the table to ensnare her in his arms. Joy yelps when he lifts her off her feet and grips her in a tight bear-hug. They both giggle for a moment before Castel rests his chin on her shoulder.

“Take it back Curtis,” his deep voice rumbles into her ear.

Joy glares at him over her shoulder with a smirk, “Make me Cubs.”

Castel flashes a very evil smile showing his pearly white teeth, “Gladly.”

Joy lets out a distressed squeak before dissolving into laughter. She squirms in his arms and almost breaks free, but he lifts her up off the ground just enough so her feet dangle–she can’t run away. Joy laughs helplessly as he tickles her belly, holding her tight in his arms.

“Take it back,” Castel taunts in a sing-song voice.

“Neva!” Joy squeaks before laughing harder.

“You sure about that?” He grins before burying his face into her neck.

She squeaks at his stubble that tickles her and she let’s out a high pitched squeal when he blows a raspberry into her neck.

“Cassie! No! Not fair!” She laughs and kicks her feet, trying to break free.

Maggie giggles herself at the warm sight of the two.

“Ok! Ok! You win!” Joy yells before laughing again.

“You take it back?”

“Yes! I take it back!”

“I want you to say it,” Castel smiles evilly still tickling her belly.

Joy squeaks again, “I take it back!”

“Take back what?”

“Cassie!” She whines through a laugh.

“Just say it and it’ll be over,” Castel taunts and chuckles.

“I-take-back-what-I-said-about-you-sounding-like-Janice!” Joy yells in one fast breath before succumbing to laughter again.

Castel stops and smiles still holding her. Joy hangs her head, leaning over his arms as she catches her breath. A few giggles are still hanging on as she glares at him over her shoulder.

“Good girl,” Castel grins. “See now was that so hawd?” He coos tauntingly.

“It’s not fair. You’re so much stronger than I am,” Joy pouts. “You’re just a big bully.”

“Oh don’t even try it Joy,” Castel laughs. “It is a universal fact that you are an instigator who then turns into a big baby when someone knocks her off her pedestal.”

Joy giggles and nods, “Very true.”

Castel nods and smiles as Joy’s staggered breaths return to normal.

“Now…give me the remote.” Castel grins tickling her again.

Joy squeals and tries to run away, but he lifts her up again.

“Not fair! Not fair!” Joy cackles, clutching the remote close to her chest. “You’re mean! You’re just mean!”

“Give me the remote Joy,” Castel teases and blows another raspberry into her neck.

After a shriek and a peel of giggles Joy shakes her head, “No!”

Joy’s eyes fall on the semi-open door of the bedroom and she sees her roommate.

“Maggie!” She calls out in desperation and Castel stops in his ‘negotiation tactics’ to look up at the girl.

He smiles a little not stopping his play, “Hey Maggie.”

“Hey Cas,” Maggie smiles as Joy continues to giggle and squirm.

“Are you studying? Were we too loud?” He asks concerned.

Well…she’s sort of studying in a way.

“Just a tiny bit,” she nods.

“Sorry about that we’ll tone it down for ya,” Castel nods and promptly covers Joy’s mouth with one of his hands. “You heard what she said you’re too loud Jo-jo.”

Joy’s laughter comes out muffled against his hand as he continues to taunt her. 

“The remote Joy,” he says in her ear. “Drop it. Drop it.” He teases prolonging ‘drop’ as if he were commanding a puppy.

Joy squeaks and in a desperate attempt of escape she elbows him in his gut. Castel lets out a very audible grunt and lets Joy go to hold his injured stomach instead. Joy runs to the other side of the room, before bracing herself against her knees panting.

“So not cool J-bird,” Castel smirk and coughs.

“Hey,” Joy giggles and stands up. “I cannot be held responsible for the injuries that occur when you tickle torture me against my will C-bear.”

Castel moans and rubs his stomach in pain. Joy giggle and walks back to the couch.

“Serves you right you big bully,” she taunts and he sticks his tongue out at her. “Now where was I?…oh! Yes! Rematch!” Joy pipes and happily fiddles with the commands on the remote.

“Fine, fine,” Castel grins and sits down on the couch next to her. “But don’t be Kirby this time. He’s weak.”

“Blasphemy!” Joy howls as she scrolls through the character options.

Maggie giggles and rolls her eyes before going back to her desk. Ok so they both obviously like each other, the question is how can she get them to admit that? She skims over her notes again just as the light bulb goes off in her head. Psychology!

After hugs and apologies for sustained injuries and little cheek pecks good bye, Castel leaves. It’s late in the evening now and Joy really wants to just kick back with some leftover pizza and some mindless cartoons before her early morning lecture. Maybe Maggie will want in on it too.

“Yo Mags,” Joy calls as she opens their fridge. “You wanna take a break?”

“Sure Joy,” Maggie smiles and skips out into the living room. “Whatcha have in mind?”

“I’m thinking we finish this pizza and watch some cartoons to mushify our worn out brains.” Joy grins and takes out the pizza box.

“Sounds like a fantastic plan roomie.” Maggie smiles.

The two girls plop onto the couch and dig into their pizza. Just as Joy is about to turn on the boob-tube Maggie stops her.

“Wait hold that one second J,” Maggie says.

“What’s up Mags?”

“I have an experiment I have to do for my psychology class.” Maggie rolls her eyes, “It’s just one little test I forgot about it, but I have to do it on someone. Would you mind very much if I use you as my lab rat?”

Joy contemplates the question for a moment. Her mind envisioning a giant rat in a stark white lab coat, glasses, and clipboard. She giggles a little and shrugs.

“Eh why not.” Joy smiles and bites into her pizza slice. “What do I gotta do? And will it take less than thirty minutes? I’ve really got my heart set on some childish cartoons.”

“It will take even less time,” Maggie giggles and puts her pizza slice down. “Ok I need you to face me and sit very still.”

Joy nods and does as she’s asked.

“Ok now you know how some people will deny things over and over again, but in their minds they can’t deny it?” Maggie asks and Joy nods, “That’s what this test is. One of the easiest things people deny to everyone but can’t deny in their minds is who they are in love with. Often times they will cover that love with a crush of some kind to help deny their ‘true love’ to others.”

“Makes sense,” Joy shrugs. “Continue.”

“Alright so the project was to form an argument. I argue that, that statement is false. I say you can deny it to everyone including yourself. So I’m going to conduct this experiment to see if my hypothesis is correct.”

“Sounds good chica,” Joy smiles eager to help her friend.

“Alright so in order for this to work I need to close your eyes. Clear your mind. Don’t think about anything but my voice. All your worries, your defenses, your troubles, your walls. Forget them all, leave your mind a blank space.”

Joy nods and closes her eyes.

“Ready?” Maggie asks

“Rootin’, tootin’, ready for shootin’.” Joy smiles with her eyes closed.

“Ok now I want you to tell me who you have a crush on. It can be anyone serious or not just anyone for the sake of the experiment.”

Joy hesitates, “If I tell you, this isn’t gonna come back to bite me, right?”

“Everything that is said here is said in complete and utter confidence. You have my word.” Maggie reassures.

“Ok well…I do have a crush.” Joy says and fidgets a little in her spot, “This really cute guy in my astronomy class. His name is Todd and he sits right in front of me. I really really like him.”

“Ok why do you like him?”

“He’s funny and really knows his stars,” Joy giggles a little. “And he’s really cute.”

“Have you thought about him a lot?”

“Yeah,” Joy blushes a little. “I think about him every morning when I wake up and I know I have that class.”

“Does it make you nervous?”

“Like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs,” Joy giggles.

“Ok, so do you see yourself ever going out with him?”

Joy pauses before nodding, “Yeah. Yeah I can see us together.”

“Do you want to be together?”

“It’d be nice yeah.” Joy smiles.

“Ok good so we’ve established you have a crush. Would you have told me before or would you have denied it?”

“Denied probably,” Joy says.

“I’d agree considering how fidgety you got when I asked.” Maggie giggles, “Ok, now what I want you to do is go back to an open space in your mind. Now, think of the ideal guy you’d want to be with. The one guy you’d give everything to. Your time, your future, your last name, everything.”

Joy nods, “Ok.”

“I want you to really think about it. Get every detail just right. What’s he look like, what’s he sound like, what’s he smell like. How does he stand, how does he walk. What does he wear, is he clean shaven or full on beard, what are his quirks, what are his interests, how is his sense of humor. Everything you’d want in the guy you’d marry and spend your life with.”

Joy’s expression softens and a tiny smile curls her lips. Maggie grins wide herself eager to finish the “experiment”.

“Do you have his image in your mind?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have every detail?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know everything you’d want about him. Every single aspect down to the tiniest little quirks?”

“Yes,” Joy hums a little.

“Good. Now listen carefully this is where things will get messed up if you don’t do exactly as I say.”

Joy nods, “Listening.”

“Ok. Now when I say open your eyes I’m going to follow that with a question. But I don’t want you to hesitate, I don’t want you pause, I don’t want you to think. Just open your mouth and let the image of your ideal guy flow out. Don’t stop it, don’t hold back. Understood?”

“Gotcha,” Joy says.

“Ok ready?” Maggie bites her lip in excitement, “Open your eyes.”

Joy’s brown eyes open and smile brightly at her roommate.

“Who is your ideal guy?”

“Castel,” Joy says without missing a beat.

His name rolls off her tongue with so much love and searing desire as his image fills her mind. His cute mass of curls, his rough facial hair, his chocolaty brown eyes, his deep voice, his nerdy-ness, his nervous ticks, his pen clicking when he’s concentrating, his humor, his intelligence, his sense of adventure, his curiosity, his love for monsters and mystery, his adorable freckles, his heart-stopping smile, his shyness, his compassion, his tenderness, his strength, his silly and over all goofiness, and all the things she loves about him that would take an eternity to list. Her dork-a-doo, her dork-asourus-rex, her goober is perfect. Yes her goober and hers alone.

The sweet little smile that had curled her lips slowly disappears and her eyes widen as she realizes she hadn’t said Todd’s name. She hadn’t said the name of her crush. She had said the name of the guy she’s in love with. In fact Maggie hadn’t asked her to say a name at all! She just wanted her to tell her about Joy’s ideal guy…and she said Castel’s name!

Joy covers her mouth as her expression grows with more and more shock.

Maggie’s smile grows and she shrugs. “Well…I guess I’m wrong.”

[insession-io]

The “Marshmallow Test” Said Patience Was Key To Success

The famous psychology test gets roasted in the new era of replication.

Here’s some good news: Your fate cannot be determined solely by a test of your ability at age 5 to resist the temptation of one marshmallow for 15 minutes to get two marshmallows.

This relieving bit of insight comes to us from a paper published recently in the journal Psychological Science that revisited one of the most famous studies in social science, known as “the marshmallow test.”

The idea behind the new paper was to see if research from the late 1980s and early ’90s showing that a simple delay of gratification (eating a marshmallow) at ages 4 through 6 could predict future achievement in school and life could be replicated.

What the researchers found: Delaying gratification at age 5 doesn’t say much about your future. Rather, there are more important — and frustratingly stubborn — forces at work that push or pull us from our greatest potential.

The marshmallow test story is important. The original studies inspired a surge in research into how character traits could influence educational outcomes (think grit and growth mindset). They also influenced schools to teach delaying gratification as part of “character education” programs.

It’s also a story about psychology’s “replication crisis,” in which classic findings are being reevaluated (and often failing) under more rigorous methodology. It teaches a lesson on a frustrating truth that pervades much of educational achievement research: There is not a quick fix, no single lever to pull to close achievement gaps in America. Trendy pop psychology ideas often fail to grapple with the bigger problems keeping achievement gaps wide open.

“People are desperately searching for an easy, quick, apparently effective answer for how we can transform the lives of people who are under distress,” Brent Roberts, a personality psychologist who edited the new Psychological Science paper, says. “And what’s more frustrating than anything else is that another feature of human nature is that we get fooled by overemphasizing the quick and easy answers to the more complex ones.”

The marshmallow test, explained How often as child were you told to sit still and wait? As a kid, being told to sit quietly while your parent is off talking to an adult, or told to turn off the TV for just a few seconds, or to hold off on eating those cupcakes before the guests arrive are some of the hardest challenges in a young life. A huge part of growing up is learning how to delay gratification, to sit patiently in the hope that our reward will be worth it.

Plotting the how, when, and why children develop this essential skill was the original goal of the famous “marshmallow test” study. Pioneered by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford in the 1970s, the marshmallow test presented a lab-controlled version of what parents tell young kids to do every day: sit and wait.

In the test, a marshmallow (or some other desirable treat) was placed in front of a child, and the child was told they could get a second treat if they just resisted temptation for 15 minutes. If they succumbed to the devilish pull of sugar, they only got the one. Here’s a video showing how it’s typically administered.

The test was a tool to chart the development of a young mind and to see how kids use their cognitive tools to conquer a tough willpower challenge.

Mischel learned that the subjects who performed the best often used creative strategies to avoid temptation (like imagining the marshmallow isn’t there). Follow-up work showed that kids could learn to wait longer for their treat. And further research revealed that circumstances matter: If a kid is led to mistrust the experimenter, they’ll grab the treat earlier.

But that work isn’t what rocketed the “marshmallow test” to become one of the most famous psychological tests of all time. It was the follow-up work, in the late ’80s and early ’90s, that found a stunning correlation: The longer kids were able to hold off on eating a marshmallow, the more likely they were to have higher SAT scores and fewer behavioral problems, the researchers said. The results were taken to mean that if only we could teach kids to be more patient, to have greater self-control, perhaps they’d achieve these benefits as well.

But the studies from the ’90s were small, and the subjects were the kids of educated, wealthy parents.

In fairness to Mischel and his colleagues, their findings, as written in 1990, were not so sweeping. In the study linking delay of gratification to SAT scores, the researchers acknowledged the possibility that with a bigger sample size, the magnitude of their correlation could decrease. They also mentioned that the stability of the home environment may play a more important role than their test was designed to reveal. It also wasn’t an experiment. The results also didn’t necessarily mean that teaching kids to delay their gratification would cause these benefits later on.

“The findings of that study were never intended to be prescriptions for an application,” Yuichi Shoda, a co-author on the 1990 paper linking delay of gratification to SAT scores, says in an email. “Our paper does not mention anything about interventions or policies.” And they readily admit that the delay task is the result of a whole host of factors in a child’s life. “‘Controlling out’ those variables, which contribute to the diagnostic value of the delay measure, would be expected to reduce their correlations,” Mischel, who says he welcomes the new paper, writes. In an interview with PBS in 2015, he said “the idea that your child is doomed if she chooses not to wait for her marshmallows is really a serious misinterpretation.”

Yet their findings have been interpreted to be a prescription by school districts and policy wonks. “If you’re a policy maker and you are not talking about core psychological traits like delayed gratification skills, then you’re just dancing around with proxy issues,” the New York Times’s David Brooks wrote in 2006. It’s not hard to find studies on interventions to increase delaying gratification in schools or examples of schools adopting these lessons into their curricula. Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster has even been used to teach the lesson.

How the new study changes the story Over the years, the marshmallow test papers have received a lot of criticism. The biggest one is that delay of gratification might be primarily a middle- and upper-class value. Does it make sense for a child growing up in poverty to delay their gratification when they’re so used to instability in their lives? Also, there’s the case that some kids are just less interested in candy and treats than others.

It’s been nearly 30 years since the show-stopping marshmallow test papers came out. And what’s astounding is that it’s only now that researchers have bothered to replicate the long-term findings in a new data set. That’s more of an indictment of the incentives and practices of psychological science — namely, favoring flashy new findings over replicating old work — than of flaws in the original work. (Though, be assured, psychology is in the midst of a reform movement.)

Tyler Watts, the NYU psychology professor who is the lead author on the new replication paper, got lucky. He and his colleagues found that in the 1990s, a large NIH study gave a version of the test to nearly 1,000 children at age 4, and the study collected a host of data on the subjects’ behavior and intelligence through their teenage years. But no one had used this data to try to replicate the earlier marshmallow studies.

The new paper isn’t an exact replication of the original. The marshmallow test in the NIH data was capped at seven minutes, whereas the original study had kids wait for a max of 15. Nevertheless, it should test the same underlying concept.

And there are some other key differences. The original studies in the 1960s and ’70s recruited subjects from Stanford’s on-campus nursery school, and many of the kids were children of Stanford students or professors. That’s not exactly a representative bunch. The new study included 10 times as many subjects compared the old papers and focused on children whose mothers who did not attend college.

Here’s what they found, and the nuance is important.

While successes at the marshmallow test at age 4 did predict achievement at age 15, the size of the correlation was half that of the original paper. And the correlation almost vanished when Watts and his colleagues controlled for factors like family background and intelligence.

That means “if you have two kids who have the same background environment, they get the same kind of parenting, they are the same ethnicity, same gender, they have a similar home environment, they have similar early cognitive ability,” Watts says. “Then if one of them is able to delay gratification, and the other one isn’t, does that matter? Our study says, ‘Eh, probably not.’”

In other words: Delay of gratification is not a unique lever to pull to positively influence other aspects of a person’s life. It’s a consequence of bigger-picture, harder-to-change components of a person, like their intelligence and environment they live in.

The results imply that if you can teach a kid to delay gratification, it won’t necessarily lead to benefits later on. Their background characteristics have already put them on that path.

What’s more, the study found no correlation — even without controls — between delaying gratification and behavioral outcomes later in life. “In that sense, that’s the one piece of the paper that’s really a failure to replicate,” Watts says.

His paper also found something that they still can’t make sense of. Most of the predictive power of the marshmallow test can be accounted for kids just making it 20 seconds before they decide to eat the treat. “So being able to wait for two minutes, five minutes, or seven minutes, the max, it didn’t really have any additional benefits over being able to wait for 20 seconds.”

That makes it hard to imagine the kids are engaging in some sort of complex cognitive trick to stay patient, and that the test is revealing something deep and lasting about their potential in life. And perhaps it’s an indication that the marshmallow experiment is not a great test of delay of gratification or some other underlying measure of self-control.

Their study doesn’t completely reverse the finding of the original marshmallow paper. But it reduces the findings to a point where it’s right to wonder if they have any practical meaning.

It’s also worth mentioning that research on self-control as a whole is going through a reevaluation. Namely, that the idea people have self-control because they’re good at willpower (i.e., effortful restraint) is looking more and more like a myth. People who say they are good at self-control are often people who live in environments with fewer temptations. Similarly, the idea that willpower is finite — known in the academic literature as ego depletion — has also failed in more rigorous recent testing. Overall, we know less about the benefits of restraint and delaying gratification than the academic literature has let on.

Educational interventions often fail

Education research often calls traits like delaying gratification “noncognitive” factors. These are personal traits not related to intelligence that many researchers believe can be molded to enhance outcomes. The marshmallow test is the foundational study in this work. And today, you can see its influence in ideas like growth mindset and grit, which are also popular psychology ideas that have influenced school curricula (namely in the guise of “character education” programs.)

Growth mindset is the idea that if students believe their intelligence is malleable, they’ll be more likely to achieve greater success for themselves. A lot of research and money has gone into teaching this mindset to kids, in the hope that it can be an intervention to decrease achievement gaps in America.

The state of the evidence on this idea is frustrating. Recently, a huge meta-analysis on 365,915 subjects revealed a tiny positive correlation between growth mindset educational achievement (in science speak, the correlation was .10 — with 0 meaning no correlation and 1 meaning a perfect correlation).

“That’s inconsequentially small,” Roberts says. Interventions to increase mindset were also shown to work, but limply. The average effect size (meaning the average difference between the experimental and control groups) was just .08 standard deviations. That’s barely a nudge. (If you click here you can visualize what an effect size that small looks like.) It’s hard to know if the time and money that goes into growth mindset interventions is worth it.

There’s less comprehensive data on grit, an idea popularized by University of Pennsylvania psychologist Angela Duckworth. Grit, a measure of perseverance (which critics charge is very similar to the established personality trait of conscientiousness), is correlated with some measures of achievement. But the long-term work on whether grit can be taught, and whether teaching it can lead to academic improvements, is still lacking.

Also consider that these studies take place over a short period of time. Researchers find that interventions to increase school performance — even intensive ones like early preschool programs — often show a strong fadeout: that initially, interventions show strong results, but then over the course of a few years, the effects disappear. “Most interventions targeting children’s cognitive, social or emotional development fail to follow their subjects beyond the end of their programs,” a 2018 literature review finds. “When they do, complete fadeout is common.”

What’s more important: teaching patience or reducing income inequality? It’s not that these noncognitive factors are unimportant. No one doubts delaying gratification is an important life skill, and one that squirmy kids need to master. And it’s obviously nice if kids believe in the possibility of their own growth.

What the latest marshmallow test paper shows is that home life and intelligence are very important for determining both delaying gratification and later achievement. These are factors that are constantly influencing a child.

Their influence may be growing in an increasingly unequal society. As income inequality has increased in America, so have achievement gaps. Today, the largest achievement gaps in education are not between white Americans and minorities, but between the rich and poor. Research from Stanford economist Sean Reardon finds that the school achievement gap between the richest and poorest Americans is twice the size of the achievement gap between black and white Americans and has been growing for decades.

Reducing poverty could go a long way to improving the educational attainment and well-being of kids. “It’s very hard to find psychological effects that are not explained by the socioeconomic status of families,” says Pamela Davis-Kean, a developmental psychologist at the University of Michigan. Nothing changes a kid’s environment like money.

Money buys good food, quiet neighborhoods, safe homes, less stressed and healthier parents, books, and time to spend with children. Teaching kids how to delay gratification or have patience “may not be the primary thing that’s going to change their situation,” Davis-Kean says.

Economic security possibly can. Greg Duncan, a UC Irvine economist and co-author of the new marshmallow paper, has been thinking about the question of which educational interventions actually work for decades. And, he says, “I’m not exactly sure I’m further along than I was 30 years ago.”

So he’s trying to find out what happens when a kid’s home environment is dramatically altered. Duncan is currently running an experiment asking whether giving a mother $333 a month for the first 40 months of her baby’s life aids the child’s cognitive development. If successful, the study could clarify the power reducing poverty has on educational attainment.

Reducing income inequality is a more daunting task than teaching kids patience. Increasing IQ is a more daunting task than teaching kids patience (though, helpfully, the research finds each year of schooling a person receives leads to a small boost in IQ). But if a simple, widely effective intervention for educational attainment exists, social scientists have yet to find it.

Even interventions to boost kids’ understanding of academic skills like math often yield lackluster findings. In other work, Watts and Duncan have found that mathematics ability in preschool strongly predicts math ability at age 15. From that work, you’d think that by boosting math ability in preschool, you’d put kids on a surer course. But yet, programs aimed at increasing math ability in preschool don’t work as powerfully as the correlation studies imply they should and show a strong fadeout effect.

Watts says his new marshmallow test study doesn’t mean it’s impossible to design preschool interventions that have long-lasting effects. Or that “delay of gratification can’t or couldn’t be a piece of that,” he says.

But if the recent history of social science has taught us anything, it’s that experiments that find quick, easy, and optimistic findings about improving people’s lives tend to fail under scrutiny. Harder work remains. Studies that find exciting correlations need to be followed up with long-term experimental research. This research is expensive and hard to conduct. But without rigorous studies, we’re going to remain prone to research hype.

“Our ability to test some of the things that we think are really fundamental has never been greater,” Watts says. “We have a unique opportunity now to go back to some of the findings we take for granted and test them. That doesn’t mean we need to go out to disprove everything.”

But it does mean we may get closer to the truth.

By Brian Resnick

Kathryn McNeer, LPC specializes in Couples Counseling Dallas with her sound, practical and sincere advice. Kathryn's areas of focus include individual counseling, relationship and couples counseling Dallas. Kathryn has helped countless individuals find their way through life's inevitable transitions; especially that tricky patch of life known as "the mid life crisis." Kathryn's solution-focused, no- nonsense counseling works wonders for men and women in the midst of feeling, "stuck," or "unhappy." Kathryn believes her fresh perspective allows her clients find the better days that are ahead. When working with couples, it is Kathryn's direct yet non-judgmental approach that helps determine which patterns are holding them back and then helps them establish new, more productive patterns. Kathryn draws from Gottman and Cognitive behavioral therapy. When appropriate Kathryn works with couples on trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and communication.

[theschoolspirituality-blog]

"What We Value" Spiritual Resistance During the Holocaust

By Yael G. Weinstock

Introduction

This article will introduce the concept of spiritual resistance during the Holocaust and present ways in which the lessons learned from such unarmed resistance can be taught in the classroom.

By introducing students to examples of spiritual resistance, the teacher can facilitate discussions on how people survived during the Holocaust, and the personal values that contributed to their fight for survival.

In Holocaust terminology, “spiritual resistance” refers to attempts by individuals to maintain their humanity and core values in spite of Nazi dehumanization and degradation. Such unarmed resistance came in many forms, religious and non-religious, cultural, and educational. It proved that physical survival was not the only decisive quality of a person and it certainly was not the only matter of importance even to people in the most dire conditions.

While this article presents several examples of such resistance, its aim is to present a basis for a more general discussion on the global issues of morality, humanity, and core personal values.

What was Spiritual Resistance During the Holocaust?

During the years of the “Final Solution” between 1942 and 1945, Jews and several groups of non-Jews targeted by the Nazi regime were interned, enslaved, humiliated, and exterminated in ghettos, concentration camps, and death camps. Finding food, staying warm, providing a roof over their heads, and taking care of their families were difficult challenges that they had to meet on a daily basis. Nazi restrictions and modes of degradation were definitely aimed to physically destroy. However, the isolation of ghetto life was intended to incur social separation in addition to controlling and monitoring Jews. It was under these circumstances that some Jews “found within themselves the inner strength to examine their situation and to try and find meaning in the events that controlled their very existence.” [1]

Others established cultural programs in ghettos and concentration camps as they realized that physical sustenance would not be the sole route to survival. Such religious, cultural, and educational activities are termed “spiritual resistance,” for resistance is not only the struggle against, but it is also the struggle for. In ghettos and camps, Jews struggled for humanity, for culture, for normalcy, and for life.

In order to teach the values of spiritual resistance, it is important to understand specific examples of such activity. A diary is a form of spiritual resistance. Written from within the walls of a ghetto or the barbed wire of a concentration camp, a diary is testimony and reflects the desire to leave a legacy for future generations. One example of such a diary is that of David Sierakowiak, interned in the Lodz Ghetto and later deported and murdered in Auschwitz. He left a legacy of seven journals, five of which were recovered after the war. In one entry, dated September 10, 1939, David writes, “Tomorrow is the first day of school. Who knows how our dear school has been. Damn the times when I complained about getting up in the morning and tests. If only I could have them back.” [2]

The mere fact that David kept a journal is significant, though it is of course fascinating to notice what he wrote and valued. While starving and tired and even after his mother had been taken away, he longed for school and for normal life. In later entries he expresses hope for the future though realizes that it “seems just another pipe dream.” This diary provides testimony that could not be obtained in any other way. Furthermore, it forces one to think about the strong personal integrity that David and others had even under such degrading, humiliating circumstances.

Education is a form of resistance. In his diary, Yitzkhok Rudashevski writes about the library in the Vilna Ghetto. The Jewish community of Vilna was known for tremendous study and Jewish learning. Therefore, it is not surprising, in light of our knowledge on spiritual resistance, that when confined to the ghetto, Jews built a library and were so excited by each acquisition, that there was a celebration for the 100,000th book. Yitzkhok writes, “Hundreds of people read in the ghetto. The book unites us with the future. The book unites us with the world. The circulation of the 100,000th book is a great achievement for the ghetto, and the ghetto has a right to be proud of it.” [3] The establishment of the library itself is an act of spiritual resistance, but Yitzchok’s diary entry also highlights the fact that he was still thinking about the future. All hope was not lost and Jews in the Vilna Ghetto wanted to maintain their dignity as human beings.

Cultural activities are a form of resistance. In the Terezin Ghetto, children performed an opera called Brundibar, composed before the war by a Czech Jew named Han Krasa but not performed until he and many of the original performers had been deported to Terezin. A set was designed, pieces were rewritten to include the instruments available in the ghetto, and artists in the camp designed posters to advertise the performance. Furthermore, the very subject of the opera was easy to relate to. The opera tells the story of children who sing in the marketplace to raise much-needed money for their sick mother. The organ player Brundibar chases them away, but with the help of some outsiders, the children defeat Brundibar and continue to sing in the square. All those watching and performing the opera understood that Brundibar represented Hitler and were uplifted, even if only briefly, by the fact that evil could be defeated by good.

In another example of spiritual resistance in Terezin, several teenage boys compiled a secret magazine titled Vedem, which printed prose, poetry, and editorials that provided an outlet for their emotions. In a touching letter, one of the teenagers wrote, “We no longer want to be an accidental group of boys, passively succumbing to the fate meted out to us. We want to create an active, mature society and through work and discipline, transform that fate into a joyful, proud reality.” This statement is an act of resistance. The boys in Home Number One were not only fighting for their right to live, but for their right to exist as educated, valued individuals.

It is usually assumed that a student who studies the Holocaust learns about the deprivation and humiliation that the Nazi regime instituted. They learn about the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and the ways in which Jews smuggled food, stole clothing, and tried to appear strong and able in order to avoid the gas chambers. However, one of the unique aspects of this situation is that those types of behavior were not enough for those interned in ghettos. It was not enough to keep one’s body physically alive. In many instances, Jews in ghettos and camps continued observing religious traditions, using their creative skills, and maintaining communal life.

What Can Be Learned from Spiritual Resistance?

Aside from the necessary facts required in a lesson on the subject of “spiritual resistance,” there is a global message that should be taught and learned. These people attempted to preserve a sense of self in impossible conditions. They managed to create a personal – albeit tenuous – world in which small, day-to-day decision-making mattered, as a way of preserving internal meaning.

How Do I Teach this Concept in My Classroom?

The pedagogical philosophy at Yad Vashem focuses on the face of the individual. It is through learning about personal stories that concepts can come alive for students and help them relate empathetically to the people they are learning about. Use the resources provided in this newsletter, particularly the lesson plan devoted entirely to the subject of “spiritual resistance” and on the Yad Vashem website to personalize this concept. Finally, encourage your students to think about their own values and what they would choose to maintain from their own lives. What would they leave as a legacy for the future?

Reflection:

We have to consider that every individuals are made differently, thus our beliefs also varies and there are also people who believes in nothing or no one, and they are the Achiest or Agnostics. They are convinced that everything can be answered by science, and that believers began to believe in those ideologies because we can’t answer some things so we turn to that person who’s “bigger” than us. Despite that we have to manage to co-exist with everyone, we can’t blame them for the things that believe in or don’t.

While there are those who are unbeliever, there are also people who despite everything that they’ve gone through nothing would seems to change those beliefs. They possess this unwavering faith that seems to be stronger every single obstacles. An excellent example of this strong faith that a person posses are the Jews, they have proven that people do not only consider their physical being as the most important thing to them, that people also can fight for their spiritual well being. Prior to the holocaust this unwavering faith has been tested through times, from the Old Testament to the New in the Holly Bible, this is also evident to other religions or sect. Since spirituality entails understanding others and we will also not just tolerance but a full acceptance of the others, because in the first place they don’t need our approval for them just to simply exist, believe in whom ever they want to believe in and be normal. The lesson here is that there might be people who think that being spiritual is a hindrance in governing a country or even in industrialization, but if we all are educated about this little things the Holocaust would have been avoided. It is not necessary for everyone to be a believer, because human right is not exclusive, it is given by default to everyone and it may not end if you violated someone else’s but at least we have that standard or rule to know that we have neglected the right that was given to us.

[kitsunegamer]

The Journals Part 2

   Aster turns his attention back to the journal. He flips through several pages of what must be inane, day-to-day entries. He finally stops, pausing on an interesting page, and begins to read:

    “The land is burning. A fire spreads across the wilds caused by the meteor that fell from space and struck the world we have worked so hard to cultivate. Calder cannot douse the flames and Illyander has not been able to snuff them, so I did the only thing I could think to do: I burned them. No fire, not even Infernus’s, burns hotter than my own. Though I am loathe in doing it, when I am in such need I can call upon the bottomless power of the aether and bathe the entire world should the need arise. Luckily, it was only a small part which I needed to burn. While the land will be black and exposed for some years to come, when the grass grows once again, this shall be the most fertile land in all the world.”

   Aster pauses and turns to Gylins. “Where did he burn? Could he be referring to the area above where we came from?”

   “No, his concept of what is considered a small area is very different from your own. He burned from where the remains of my temple stand all the way here, to his citadel. The citadel still stood afterward, however. That is certainly more than a quarter of this world, but to him it would seem small. I do not know how or why this place has sunk into the ground.”

   Bearington gestures to the vines curling in the corner, “It might have something to do with these vines we keep finding.”

   Aster flips through the book to the next entry. It appears to be the last one in the volume. He clears his throat and then continues reading:

   “It would seem as if the meteor has done more than merely scar the land. My brothers and sisters, one by one, begin to grow weak and fall into slumber. Arvid, Gylnis, and Illyander have already become victims to the sleep. Nothing we do, not even by Altima’s hand, will wake them. We know not why this has happened. Those of us left believe that the aether of this world has been thrown out of balance. Since each of us gave a part of ourselves to forge this world, perhaps such an imbalance forces us to slumber so that our passive energy fills the hole left by this imbalance? We can only hope that this is the reason, and that it shall not persist for long. The aether constantly shifts and changes like the tides. It will return to refill what has been uncovered. It is merely a matter of time.”

   Aster looks back up at Gylnis again, “It sounds like Cadmus didn’t fall asleep. I’m going to assume that Altima is one of the other espers? Who is he exactly? What does he do?”

   “Altima is the esper of aether,” Gylnis explains. “He gave the land magic. He gave it the spark it needed for its heart to beat.”

   I hand the second unlocked journal to Aster as he sets the one we’re finished with on the desk. “It sounds to me like the meteor could be the same as one of the ones from Belmont’s journal, don’t you think?” I ask, struck by the possibility.

   “It is the exact same one,” Gylnis affirms. “It is this meteor that he speaks of.”

   “Interesting. Just another piece of the puzzle though,” I sigh.

   Aster, finding the first entry, gestures for our attention and begins to read once more:

   “Only Altima and I remain. Chromis has lost his battle against the slumber and Ozma has either fallen into the sleep as well or slithered off to hide in some deep recess of the world. I am the only one who shows no signs of being affected by whatever this bespellment is. But no reason can seem to explain why. Even now, Altima makes preparations to fall behind the veil of dreams. It has fallen to me to patrol the lands and ensure that the humans continue to flourish. The more that I observe them the more I begin to think they shall be the least of our concerns. Our guidance has done them well; even in the wake of the calamity, they come together to form villages and towns, exchanging knowledge and growing in the wake of the exchange. It seems that they no longer live divided in the elemental tribes. They are becoming united as people, perhaps never under one banner, but they have truly become a single, unified race.”

   “What are the elemental tribes, Gylnis?”

   “The elemental tribes were how the humans referred to each other in the beginning when we each took some of them under our wing. Every esper but one took humans under their guidance, and they became known as the elemental tribes. Illyander for wind, Infernus for fire,Calder for water, and so on.”

   “Who didn’t create a tribe then?” Aster asks the question all of us are currently thinking.

   “Ozma.”

   “And who is Ozma?” Aster prompts.

   “Ozma is the esper of blood and death,” Gynis replies. She pauses, then continues, “Of all of us, Ozma was always the most tormented and often battled with his position in life. He was my direct opposite. He gave the lands their blood. Not in the sense of blood that you could dig into the land and it would stain upon you, but the minerals, the gems, the essence, the tunnels - everything that allows aether to flow through it - he built and created. But he was also burdened with turning our paradise into a world that was mortal. He cannot allow life without death.”

   When Gylnis finishes her explanation, Aster picks up the journal again and begins the next entry:

   “Enough years have passed between the calamity and the slumbering sickness that ten generations of the Sapphire Tribe have grown, lived , and died by my eye. I have become known not only as Cadmus, but also as Cadmus of the Sapphire Throne, Ruler of the High Lands and King of the Molten Mountains. I am a relic. A deity may spend their life denying until the glory of my form is revealed to them. I have made it a duty to go on a pilgrimage every ten years, travelling the entire realm and making sure every village, town, and monastery recognizes me for what I am. Disbelieving as they may be, the humans remain respectful. The wiser ones, who have grown strong enough to grow their own kingdoms (though they are nowhere near as glorious as the Sapphire Empire), come to me with talks of treaties and trade. I do wish my siblings could be here to witness this; the world is surely beginning to enter a Golden Age.” Aster turns the page to a final entry and continues, “Even after all this time, my siblings still show no signs of waking. I fear they may be lost for good. Long ago I was still able to sense them. I could taste their presence, their magic, on my tongue, whenever I flew through the skies or drank from the rivers. Now, however, I feel nothing, merely the ebb and flow of the world around me. Is this death for an esper? We always knew it was possible, but we had no idea the results of such a fate. What should I do now? We had decided never to breed with the humans, who were most likely birthed from the union of the nine. But if I choose to continue such a pact, our efforts to the mission will be lost to the void. I have many things to think about. Decisions to ponder and consequences to debate in light of my current thoughts.”

   Darwin chuckles softly, “Well, he did the nasty with somebody.”

   “Well,” Aster says, “it sounds like he decided he wanted to keep the bloodline of the espers intact.”

   Bearington nods, “It makes sense that he wanted to preserve the espers when he believed they were going extinct. Nobody wants to lose something that important to them.”

   “Are these all the journals that you have been able to find?” Gylnis looks hopeful that there might be more. Well, after all, this is the first time she’s hearing from another esper besides Arvid for the first time in centuries. Her face falls as Darwin tells her these were the only ones we could open. “Perhaps another search of the room?” she suggests. “I feel as if these may not be the last words my brother may have left us.”

   As we search the room again, Darwin suddenly stops and straightens up. “I just wonder how all the other races came about? Obviously humans aren’t the only ones in this world anymore,” he gestures to himself in example.

   Gylnis floats over towards him. “My suspicion would be that there are those of us who had children before falling into slumber and hid them. From there it is not too far a leap to think that perhaps these children came together. When they mixed their blood new life could have been created, and it simply continued from there. It is also not without reason to think that magic could have affected some of the animals here. There are some very bestial-like races. It is a possibility that magic influenced them and they evolved. However, the birth of the humans was a mystery, so it could be possible that other births happened as well in a similar fashion. We were asleep for a very long time. Apparently only Cadmus did not succumb.”

   As Gylnis speaks with Darwin, the rest of us continue searching, listening to her with one ear. Bearington and Aster both end up wandering back over to the desk. Starting at opposite sides, they each begin pulling open drawers. Aster finishes his side moments before Bearington and reaches forward to pull open the center drawer. He lifts out a single journal and opens the cover easily.

   “Guys, come look at this!” Aster calls. Coming to stand next to him, I look over his shoulder at the book. It isn’t written in Draconic anymore!

   “It’s in Common?” I breathe in shock and astonishment. Why would a being as proud as Cadmus, of higher self-proclaimed status than deities, deem Common a worthy language to write his personal thoughts in?

   Darwin nudges me gently and I move aside so that he can take a look. “Anybody can read it now,” He muses.

   Gylnis moves closer to Aster on his other side and almost eagerly begins to read the first entry aloud.

   “It has been some time since I last wrote in one of these journals. I suppose I forget to now. No longer do I need to keep tabs of my own history; there are scholars who sit in the room on the upper floors of this fortress collecting words from wandering bards, villagers. miner, and my own spawn alike and record them. They write the history now, and I’ve grown content to let them. Not out of laziness, but simply to lighten one of my burdens from my shoulders.

   “Though on the subject of spawn, Gylnis would be furious with me - part of me hopes she never awakens.” Gylnis’s voice falters a moment, her smile disappearing, but she continues to read, “She among us had always wanted children the most. I knew the pain it must have caused her to be the one to break the tie of indecision among us. None of us could have ever imagined such a catastrophe would befall us, though - that the universe would be threatened with the very loss of our bloodline. And so, because of this, I have started a family. At first, it was out of mere need. I would find acceptable women to lie with, one who could bear me healthy spawn, but never could they produce a child. Never could I have thought that I was the one at fault (for my greatness knows no bounds), and a specimen such as myself would surely be a virile male. But then, once I met her, once I felt a stirring in my heart,” her breath hitches, but, again, continues, “Bah, Illyander would surely become a fool in the wake of hearing me speak like this, spouting off nonsense of love and romance. Even as much as I wish to deny it, it seems as if this was the key to allowing children to come to term between myself and a human. I plan to have as many children as possible and encourage them to have children in turn. Not just for my sake, but for the espers as a whole. Gylnis, please forgive me.”

   “It’s okay, I’ll read,” Aster says, as he gently takes the journal from Gylnis’s shaking hands. He skims to find where Gylnis left off at and starts to read:

   “Family keeps me busy these days. By the stars! These children have more energy than the sun itself! But I fear that, while my happiness continues to soar and my kingdom grows rich and healthy, a  darkness may soon fall over these halls. War has come to the land. Though I have attempted to quell such embers, it seems I must let the humans make their own mistakes. I merely hope they do not become foolish enough to attack my lands. I will not be lenient with those who threaten my blood and followers.” 

   Aster flips the page and continues, “Fools! Pathetic and stupid, dimwitted fools! They have grown headstrong in their age. They have grown arrogant and prideful beyond what their fleshy bodies and brittle bones can back up! I will show them what it means to threaten the Sapphire Throne. They will quickly learn that I am no beast to be hunted like common prey! They will burn in my fires, and they will know agony they have not known since the calamity. I promise this!”

   Aster turns another page. It looks like there is only one more entry in the book, more than half of the journal’s pages still blank. “Has it truly been a hundred years already? The threat to my lands seemed like such a dangerous thing then. Now a larger threat seems to loom. The magic is disappearing from this world. Mages, healers, druids, and others like them are all losing their abilities to call upon their respective pools of aether, magic as they call it. Could this be a sign of my siblings’ reawakening? Or have they truly died and the world is no longer able to sustain itself in the wake of such a tragedy? I do not have the answers, but my mind is sharper than it was in my youth. I will leave my kingdom to my daughter. I will once again soar the skies. I will go to each corner of the world and call upon the wisest of the scholars, the most eccentric of teachers, to find answers. I cannot, I will not, let this world fall into ruin! I have worked hard to maintain it. It would be a slight to my brethren if I do not do what I can to save it.”

   “Well,” I say as Aster lays the journal on the desk, “He certainly seems to have matured over the years.”

   “Perhaps being a father helped him to do that,” Aster suggests. “Perhaps just growing older did.”

   “I’m sure a lot of things contributed to it,” I concede. “Not least of all being those.”

   Aster moves over to the corner where Gylnis has floated and pats her on the shoulder. I don’t know how much it helps, but the sentiment seems to comfort her a little. “That really sucks that you had to vote against the thing you really wanted,” he says. “I think we need to find Cadmus as soon as possible.”

   Erwin, silent throughout all of this, clears her throat. “Do not imagine that Cadmus is going to be anywhere easy to reach. Gylnis has already said herself that she cannot sense him here. And when was the last time you saw a dragon of Cadmus’s” she hesitates, choosing her words carefully, “size in our skies?”

   “What about those rumors about fantastic beasts we heard?” Darwin asks. “They did speak of a great beast being wounded in the snowy lands of the North.”

   “Yes, but news does take some time to travel down from the Fortress of Iron up there. Whatever the creature may be, it may have moved on by now.”

   Darwin seems to shrug off Erwin’s words. “If I’m not mistaken, there are still one or two hallways that we need to explore. Let us continue!” He is way to cheerful for what he’s suggesting. I guess Darwin is one of those people that doesn’t let logic discourage them when there is the possibility of adventure. I suppose even if we don’t find Cadmus here (and that is looking more and more doubtful to happen), we might still find some more useful artifacts.

   Erwin turns to Aster, “Would you like to put all of the journals into my bag of holding? When we find Cadmus they might prove useful.” At Aster’s nod, they begin to gather and pack the journals into Erwin’s bag. 

   “We might be able to find someone to dispel the enchantment, if nothing else,” Aster suggests as they work.

   “That’s unlikely,” Gylnis breaks in. “Cadmus has always been strong in magic.”

   “A long time has gone by,” Aster responds. “There may be someone now who can break it.”

   “He is the progenitor of all dragons in this world. I suppose it is possible,” Gylnis trails off. Darwin chooses to speak up at that moment. “Ancestor of dragons. That’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while now. I would have thought given their ancestry they would be more regal, but they’re... loners, even savages in many cases.”

   Gylnis nods, “Again, that is another thing that leads me to think Cadmus is not of this world at the moment. I fear perhaps he did not fall into slumber, but something else befell him. He would not allow his subjects and children to become what they are.”

   We all consider this with some dread for a moment. With the fate of this world hanging in the balance, we can only pray to whatever gods we worship that Gylnis is wrong and nothing worse than slumber has befallen the Great Dragon Esper.

   “Well, let’s continue onward,” Aster says, closing Erwin’s bag and handing it back to her.