#do you have my number?

[melblancscream]

(x)

[chloesimaginationthings]

"They call it the MANGLE" - FNAF 2 phone guy

[littlefankingdom]

Bruce Wayne is canonically a very handsome man (he is called a "pretty boy" and he is in his 40s, for fuck's sake), and he is pretty famous as a rich philanthropist who doesn't want to leave his awful cursed crime infested city. So, there must be a ton of people thirsting over him on the internet. Fancams, edits, fanfics and imagines ("kidnapped with Bruce Wayne 😍 by a Gotham rogue"), the whole charade!

And anytime one of the batkids stumbles on a thirst post, they have the most dramatic disgusted reaction, loudly gagging, before sending the link to the batkids chat, because if they must suffer, then they should all suffer. Clicking on a link in this groupchat is like playing russian roulette, and getting rickrolled is a good ending.

[egophiliac]

time for skeleman

with the lack of any other info yet, all I can focus on are those Charles Lloyd-looking sunglasses. they are absolutely sending me. I feel like we're gonna fall through a tree or whatever and this stitched-up boney gentleman is gonna pop out from behind a gravestone and start serenading us with some smooth jazz on the saxophone.

or should I say...the saxoBONE???????

[heartorbit]

figure skating set right now please. thanks

[hedgehog-moss]

Welcome to the great donkey contest of 2024

I must confess that I, once again, forgot the date of the yearly donkey contest, so I had to leave early (I had a restaurant reservation in another town) and have no idea what was the jury's verdict on each of these donkeys. Therefore, you are the jury. It will be heartbreaking, but I will ask you to vote at the end of the post, setting aside the known fact that all donkeys are the best donkey.

There were Poitou donkeys, Berry donkeys, Bourbonnais donkeys, Provence donkeys, Andalusian donkeys, and common donkeys who seemed to have no distinguishing features other than being acceptably donkey-shaped. I can't possibly post all my photos, so I have chosen 4 noteworthy contestants (or 3 and half, one is very small) for you to vote on. I'll add that I only stayed long enough to watch 2 donkeys demonstrate their skills, so in a spirit of fairness I will not mention anyone's job. You won't be voting based on how good they are doing their specific donkey job but on how good they are at being a donkey.

Donkey #1 — CHEWBACCA.

Chewbacca is big, and he has ears. These are his most salient characteristics. Each one of his ears looks like a separate fluffy ferret-sized mammal attached to his head, gently twitching or napping. Chewbacca's hooves are the diameter of a medium pizza and he looks very formidable but he is extremely kind. I know the most pressing question is "Can I scritch Chewbacca's ears?" and the answer is yes, but then he will immediately appoint you ear-scritcher in chief and will look very sad when you walk away to meet other donkeys.

Chewbacca's ears on their own could be enough to let him win Hairiest Donkey in any contest—but he is mixed breed, and there were purebred baudets du Poitou in attendance. Their entire identity is "the hairy one", and giving the Hairiest trophy to another donkey would result in massive spread of existentialism among Poitou donkeys.

(He is not a contestant, as I didn't have time to get a good aperçu of his personality.)

(Same for this shiny black donkey, pictured here canoodling with a Poitou lady—unfortunately I don't have photos of him in motion, but believe me when I say he was the glossiest donkey I've ever seen. When walking or trotting he shone in the sun like a freshly-polished dress shoe.)

Back to our contest.

Donkey #2 — UGOLIN.

Ugolin (who seems to go by "Glin") is a shaggy, gangly teenage boy whose main characteristic is being utterly love-starved. Left unattended, Ugolin would wander about the donkey contest, stopping in front of every child or adult he encountered, hoping someone would love him.

I was initially the only human Ugolin did not want cuddles from, because he was scared of Pandolf and seemed to think of me as his minion. Then I tied Pandolf to a tree and crouched down a few metres away from Glin, unsure if I had a chance now—and after hesitating for about 2 seconds he came over to kiss my forehead. My friend was so touched by this moment that she (somehow) got her phone to turn her photo into an impressionist painting.

"Can I scritch Glin's ears?" Yes. He is desperate for someone to pet his ears.

Donkey #3

—no, sorry, it's Ugolin again. It's very hard to get rid of him.

Donkey #3 — THE BABY.

The baby has no name. The baby has no skills. The baby is not good at anything other than being tiny enough to walk under her mum's belly. In the absence of any other qualifications she was happy to show off what is possibly the most low-effort limbo dance in the world.

"Can I scritch the baby's ears?" No. Big point against her, here. She will, however, come over if you say "awww le petit ânon <3" and let you pet her tiny nose. (More nose photos in this post if you missed it)

Donkey #ah no wait here's Ugolin again

He actually overcame his intense fear of Pandolf to come trap us in his forcefield of infinite neediness! I'm proud of him.

Donkey #4 — MYRTILLE.

Myrtille is in her mid-thirties, and did not come to the donkey fair to demonstrate any particular skills or be admired by us, but because she likes to meet new donkeys. She was not tethered to the rope and yet did not wander around to mingle with humans like other untied donkeys did; she shuffled from one end of the rope to the other like a friendly pensioner at a continental breakfast buffet, making small talk with everyone. It was hard to approach Myrtille (as a human) without feeling like a third wheel.

I don't mean to gossip, but she spent quite a while flirting with the glossy black donkey.

I love her. She's my favourite. I was not able to pet her or take a good close-up photo of her but that's okay. Myrtille is like a tempting rollercoaster at an amusement park that you are barred from by the sign that says "You must have ears THIS long to go any farther." I wish her only good things.

[astralleywright]

spent like an hour trying to find a post abt the disparity of origin companion's content in bg3 and couldn't so, hey, this fucking sucks

[radiance1]

The Justice League have a problem, one that needs some level of knowledge and expertise of a being from the Infinite Realms to give them a better chance of actually solving this problem.

However.

Every ghost they have summoned, without fail, took one look at Constantine. Squinted (yes, squinted). Then decided to go back to where they came without a word.

This. Would have been useful, nice even. If it was a situation where they needed the summoned being of a cult to head back to where they came without a fight.

But alas, that is not what is happening.

The Justice League, obviously, ask him why the ghosts keep fleeing back to their Realm at the sight of him, but Constantine can't answer because he genuinely has no idea why they keep leaving when getting a proper look at him.

So they keep trying and they do find some success in it. They summoned a boy, most likely older than he physically looks yet it still puts some of them off because of, well.

You know.

A boy with white hair and toxic green eyes. The boy stops short, as if not expecting to be randomly transported to somewhere else, takes a look around the room, then the Justice League. His eyes settle on one person.

Constantine, in particular.

He squints (Why do all of them squint? Nobody knows) and then a sudden looking of realization passes on his face. Different from the looks of vague fear and genuinely want to not involve themselves any further, his face held slight disgust and a heavy amount of disappointment.

Thankfully, he didn't leave immediately after that.

Constantine asks what's with the look on the ghost boy's face, the ghost boy in question squints even further. Stares at Constantine for a moment or two, buries his face in his hands and brings his knees to his hand and groans out.

"He could've done so much better."

[r-aindr0p]

Magic jail for the first years

[backtothestart02]

Do You Have My Number? - 4/5 | westallen fanfiction

A/N: I'm on a roll! Only one chap left. Enjoy!

...

Chapter 4 -

Silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity. Iris hadn’t been expecting him to actually pick up – obviously. Not after three rings of him not picking up. What had he been doing? Sleeping? Jacking off to some porn star on his phone?

She winced.

Okay, that last one was a little excessive maybe. And where was her jealousy cropping up from. He clearly wanted her, right? Wasn’t that the whole problem here? That they both wanted each other so badly they could hardly stand to be in the same room with each other and act professionally?

“Iris? Is that you?”

She cleared her throat a little too loudly, and knew there was nothing for it but to respond.

“Hi, Barry. Yes, it’s me.”

She heard a relieved sigh from his end and wanted to burst into tears. She was being ridiculous! Sue was right. She was acting like a horny teenager, and she needed to snap out of it. Pronto.

“Thank god. Did you get my message?”

“I got it,” she managed. “But there’s no need to apologize.”

“I think there is.”

“Well, whether there is or not, you’ve already done it, haven’t you?” She winced at the silence that snappy response induced. “That’s not what I…”

“No, you’re right,” he said softly, sounding dejected. “So, who do I come to see? Sue something or other?”

She swallowed.

“No. I’ll text you the property addresses, and you can meet me there. We’ll forego the office altogether. Do you have my number?”

“Your personal number? No, I, uh-”

“No, of course not. Because I don’t give out my personal number usually.” She licked her lips. “I’ll just tell you the addresses over the phone. Do you have a pen and paper handy?”

“No, I uh, just let me…” He began scrambling around in search of those two items. “Okay, I got- Wait a minute, does this mean you’ll be showing up? Not Sue?”

It took everything in her not to snap at him again, but she knew that wasn’t right. She had to have modes other than sass and arousal, especially around a client.

“That’s correct.”

“And we’re not going to talk about…?”

“There’s nothing to discuss,” she said firmly. “Now. The addresses. Are you ready for them?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She rattled them off and ended the call, leaning back in her chair with a large exhale and accidentally rolling off the chair mat and up against the wall behind her.

A gentle knock on the door was followed by Sue opening it.

“So, I take it you’re keeping Barry Allen on your roster then?”

Iris groaned and closed her eyes.

“Shut up.”

“Thatta girl.”

Sue chuckled and closed the door on her way down the hall.

…

Barry arrived at the property first.

He really hoped he liked this property the best, so they wouldn’t even need to look at another one, and Iris wouldn’t be subjected to being in his presence a moment longer.

He couldn’t believe he’d screwed up this bad.

It was one thing if she didn’t return his attraction, but to not return it to the state that she wanted nothing to do with him even on a professional level and had gone through Cisco to try and achieve that was a lower blow than he’d ever dreamed of being on the receiving end of before.

One thing was for certain. He was not going to flirt. He was not going to come on to her. He was not going to check her out. She was going to be either another man or an ugly woman to him from this moment onward. He could forget any association with her beyond finding him an apartment, because he’d royally screwed up so bad that she probably wanted nothing to do with him in this life or the next.

He could only pray that she wouldn’t put out a bad word about him in the realtor community in case he ever needed to buy another apartment again. It was a minor dent compared to losing what they could’ve been, but it still would hurt his ego and self esteem and shame him a bit if finding another place became difficult as well.

The beeping sound of a car locking sounded in the distance, and he looked up. There was that little red bug, and there was Iris stepping out of it. She wore a dark plaid blazer today that he swore matched one of his button-down shirts he’d packed away just that morning. She also wore black dress pants instead of a skirt and some wedges. Her hair bounced over her shoulders in gorgeous natural curls. He found her even prettier than the last time he’d seen her, but something told him it would be a bad idea to tell her so, so he kept it to himself.

“Iris.”

She came to a stop and forced a polite smile.

“Barry.”

She gave him a once-over that he didn’t know what to do with and then gestured to the door.

“Shall we?”

“Mhmm.”

Pushing himself off the tan bricks of the building, he followed her inside. They got into the elevator just fine, and Barry told himself he was going to do everything in his power to avoid feeling whatever sexual tension he’d felt the other day. He didn’t so much as look at her while they were in the small area, especially not after they both reached for the button at the same time.

“S-sorry,” he managed.

“No, it was my bad,” she said, and he didn’t notice it then, but her voice wasn’t as clipped as it had been outside the building or on the phone for that matter.

“Here we are,” she announced a short while later when she pushed open the door to the apartment and allowed him to walk through.

Barry immediately deflated.

He hated it.

The color scheme was all wrong. There was no open concept. The ceilings weren’t even high. In fact, it looked a lot like his current apartment, except the things that he didn’t like about that apartment weren’t present. Which he supposed was an upside.

Still, he couldn’t help giving her a disappointed stare, which thankfully she took with a chuckle.

At least he wasn’t flirting.

“Give it a chance, Bartholomew,” she teased, patting his covered arm as she moved further into the apartment – and abruptly froze along with him.

“How did y-”

“Cisco let it slip last night on the phone. I promised him I wouldn’t tease you, but I guess I couldn’t help myself.”

“What else did he say?” he asked, his mood immediately lifting. Maybe things weren’t so bad after all if Cisco had gotten that casual with her.

That was when Iris took a step back though, remembering herself and what she’d promised.

“I really shouldn’t say. You should ask him. I’m sure he’ll tell you.”

“Like hell,” he muttered. “I asked him what happened, and he said you didn’t want me as a client anymore and that was that. I assumed it was something I did or said, because I thought that Cisco was implying that, but maybe I was wrong?”

She swallowed.

“We really should keep looking at the apartment. I know it doesn’t have some of the features you liked at the other properties or in my notes, but I really think you’ll like some of the aspects of the guest bedrooms and the master bedroom too, which has its own bathroom, and-”

“Screw the apartment,” he deadpanned. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m trying to be professional right now, and you’re making it very difficult. Can we please carry on with the tour? Please?”

His eyes narrowed as he approached her, caught in the hallway with the walls so close to either side of them.

“Why?” he asked. “Why are you trying so hard to be professional? And why is it difficult for you? Why am I difficult for you? Just…” He slipped his hand into her curls and touched her cheek, deeply affected when she leaned into his palm. “Talk to me.”

“Because.” She swallowed, eyes closed. “I’m attracted to you,” she finally admitted aloud, then opened her eyes to his shocked face. “And I’m letting that attraction get in the way of my professionalism.”

“That’s why you didn’t want me as a client?” He gaped.

She nodded.

“Yes.”

He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back against the wall.

“Oh, my god, that’s such a relief. I thought I’d seriously offended you.” He chuckled lightly to himself. “But apparently, I just turned you on.”

His gaze shifted to hers again and got darker, seductive even. It sent shivers down her spine, and she swallowed, tensed up when he reached out for her again.

“Please…don’t.”

He dropped his hand.

“Not until we find you an apartment.”

He smirked, sensing victory.

“If you insist.”

She continued with the tour, and while he agreed that there were some aspects to like about this place, all he could think about was ravishing her on every distasteful corner of the place, so they agreed to go on to the last property on the list.

…

Iris was practically bursting at the seams by the time they got to the last location. She’d been honest with Barry and with herself, but at what cost? She’d have to make Barry swear he never told a soul, except maybe Cisco who already knew. The embarrassment it would cause her if word got out. Her reputation might be on the line. And all because he’d pushed her a little when she’d been horny to begin with.

“Here we are,” she said, stepping out of the last elevator for a while she hoped.

This apartment was different than the rest, and Barry for the first time ever was mesmerized with it first and seducing her second.

“It’s a loft,” she told him. “So, the kitchen, living room, partial bathroom, dining room are all down here, and a winding staircase takes you upstairs to a couple bedrooms, a master and a guest. There’s also a second guest bedroom on this floor, but you could turn it into whatever you want, office, study, gym, you name it.”

“It’s that big?” he asked.

“See for yourself.”

She gestured to the white door on the far side of the room and followed his slowly as he made a beeline for it. Then she leaned against the doorframe as he inspected the room.

“Yeah, it’s a good size. I like it.”

She smiled and stepped back as he exited the room.

“And I love the high ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows. No fans, which is a plus. Open concept. Yeah, this is great. Let’s check out the upstairs.”

He took the steps two at a time till he got to the top. She was much slower in her heels, but she made it to the top too. Not before she heard him exclaiming “Wow!” when he got into the master bedroom however.

She laughed aloud, joining him shortly.

“It’s huge, right?”

“Massive!” he cried, now inside the master bathroom. “This bath is incredible too, and it’s separate from the shower that looks like it’ll come down like a waterfall.”

She giggled.

“Test it out. It does.”

He turned on the water and then stepped back to watch it fall down from four different directions and with good water pressure too.

“I think I might be in heaven,” he declared. “Too bad I’m not naked.”

She cleared her throat.

“Sorry.”

She shook her head, dismissing it.

“No need. I’m glad you like it. Now…for price.”

“It’s over budget, isn’t it? I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“It’s exactly one thousand under budget.”

“No way. For real?”

“For real.”

He shut off the water and then came to her, picking her up and spinning her around before setting her back on her feet.

She could see it in his eyes. He wanted to kiss her. And in that moment, she would have let him. But something inside him must’ve told him the timing wasn’t right, so he spurted out some words instead and let that be enough.

“I’ll take it.”

[the-muppet-joker]

How are you?

I am doing the best I can given the circumstances! (Horse dead, scammed thousands, got bald)

[ajwahoocrowley]

[kathonyy]

KATE & ANTHONY BRIDGERTON + kisses 💋 in BRIDGERTON Season 3

[shoomlah]

Friday was my last day at Valve.

Leaving a job full of people and projects you love is always hard, but I have a pretty good reason for it this time around:

Next Monday is my first day at Cyan.

Feels appropriate to announce this on Riven's anniversary, the game that is entirely to blame for who I am as a concept artist and Art Director. WHO WOULD I EVEN BE if I hadn't had my 11yo mind blown by the little wahrk gallows counting toy in the Rivenese schoolhouse??? It's a mystery.

I can’t talk about what's on the horizon just yet—short of helping to get Riven out the door—but I’m thrilled to finally be a part of this studio, officially, after thirty years of wistful pining. If my ancient Riven fanart is anything to go by, it's been a long time comin.'😎

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.

(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)