#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot
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#tag talk#vent#I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic#empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good#the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool#but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting.#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot#because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot#ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now.#it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that.#but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh#the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds.#if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help#but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server#I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear#making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already#meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me.#I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois.#I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school.#the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way#though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild.#anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable.#everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef#nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another.#you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely#both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation.#everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference)#anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad.#I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch.#so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?
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The Life of the Morningstars - Chapter 7:
"Maybe it's time."
"No."
"To ask."
"Don't say it!"
"Your dad."
What was this mess that Alastor had walked in on? The princess seemed to be lacking sleep and extremely stressed. The cork board a mess of ideas. Not to mention that odd reaction over asking the king for assistance. Was he that much of a neglectful father?
"Charlie, I know you don't want to. But we need every advantage we can get."
"But this is my project. I don't want to bother him with it. I know he said he'd help with whatever I need, but he's also been really busy since I told him about the Extermination Day move up. At least I hope he's busy with that and not having another bad episode... especially since this type of work involves him talking to Heaven. No. Wait! I can show him that I can be the best alpha for a pack ever! Invite him over and show him all the hard work we're doing."
"Seeing this place and all your effort might have him offering his help so you don't have to ask."
"Yes! My thoughts exactly Vaggie." Taking out her phone, Charlie hesitated to call him. She didn't want him to feel like she was coddling him. The alpha didn't need another stern but caring lecture about how he was the parent and was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. But they had always taken care of each other. Even before mom left.
"What's the hold up? You got daddy issues?" Husk asked even though he could already see it in everything the princess did. It was like she had a neon sign following her around telling everyone about it.
"What? No. We just... He doesn't like when I try and take care of him. Even though he's been depressed since mom left and broke their mating bond. He throws himself into his work or passion projects so much that he hardly ever calls me. I'm usually the one to call and check in on him. Which scares me... I don't want a repeat of the last time." As she spoke, Charlie felt that nagging feeling in the back of her head telling her that something was very wrong. That she needed to rush over to the palace. Now.
"Daddy issues."
"Well, I'd like to meet the big dick in charge."
"The ultimate bad boy~ I bet he's scary."
Trying to ignore Niffty's manic laughter, Charlie finally gave in and hit the call button. "Please... please, please, please pick up."
~
Lying in bed, Lucifer shifted and groaned at the sound of his phone. How long had he been asleep? Why was it so dark? He could have sworn he had kept the light on to work. He didn't even remember crawling into bed. Maybe Beel or Ozzie stopped by and found him asleep at his workstation again. Grabbing his phone, he was surprised to see who was calling. "Daughter- daughter?! Daughter calling?! Oh fuck. When was the last time we spoke? Did I go too long without contacting her again? Oh, she must be so worried."
Quickly answering, Lucifer tried to make himself sound awake and perky instead of dead tried. No matter how much sleep he's been getting lately it never feels like it's enough. "Hey sweetie."
"Hi dad. I-Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Everything's fine. I just woke up actually. Uh... h-how did it go confronting that Overlord?"
"...It didn't go well- Dad is that the last thing you remember before your nap?" Fuck. She sounded worried. He didn't wanna lie to her...
"Y-Yes."
"Oh fuck..."
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#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanfiction#alpha/beta/omega au#vaggie hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin hotel angel dust#niffty hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#the life of the morningstars
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How I think the Friends cast would act drunk
Squad leader: Canonically he's mentioned he lets loose a lot more when he's had a few drinks, and he's once boasted about how strong he was during a small party in Bar Histamines (overly exaggerated too). I like to imagine he just straight up forgets what social anxiety is. No longer is he bound to the shackles of stressing if a specific behavior he does makes him look weird.
2145: I think he probably has a high tolerance, but if he does drink enough he would probably just sleep. Big nap time for him. His eyes stay open but trust me he is napping. You can't get him up unless you offer him bacteria or he finishes processing the alcohol
IM1235: Canonically she gets a little ditzy and can barely tell friend from foe, you could be scolding her and getting mad at her and she'd still be very happy to talk to you and listen to you. She also passes out but it's a little after she's done being silly.
3033: He has no more filter. He says whatever and goes off about what he's thinking about at that moment. "They overwork us TOO MUCH, I need a holiday right NOW" or he starts rambling about how bacteria tastes bad, or talking about the killer T cells being incompetent and stupid. Usually he will at least keep it to himself but no more, his temper is more explosive than normal.
Dendritic cell: If you let him sew during this period he will probably make the most fucked up looking bacterium you've ever seen, he still thinks he's doing a good job. He's canonically just allowed a naive t cell to activate while he's drunk, so he probably does whatever without considering the consequences.
M cell: M cells probably just in general have a high tolerance. It'd be funny if he absolutely forgot about his depression and just actually started being normal about things. Something unlucky happens to him and he's like "why do I feel like I'm supposed to say something self deprecating right now." He cannot walk in a straight line, constantly bumps into things but never acknowledges the fact that he did, and if he falls over he might just sleep then and there. Right on the floor.
Eosinophil: Probably still has a little anxiety left in her body, gets shaken up by the littlest of things, IM1235 accidentally bumps into her and she jumps. She probably jitters a little, you ask her if she's cold and she does the "Huh?… no I'm not" brain lag.
B cell: He will start flirting with a plant in the corner of the room, when you tell him about it he goes "Well if they are then they gotta be the most gorgeous plant out there." Even in this state he will still insist on taking care of Memory cell, despite him not even being able to locate where exactly he is.
Memory cell: I don't think any part of him changes, he still messes up names (other than B cell) and he still is his old man old self.
NK: She is practicing her sword fighting skills with some other immune cell, she is doing a bad job but she still insists that she needs to or else what if something bad happens??? Who will protect all these innocent cells?? (Other immune cells who aren't out of commission but that will not convince her)
RegT: Solitaire gaming off the charts on her, she's clicking 6cps and will not stop. Probably got a world record solve at some point but was never recorded. I think it'd also be funny if she took a few jabs at HT just for fun, "you're so sloppy" "tuck in your uniform" "you're addicted to sweets"
HT: Emotional rollercoaster on this one. Laughs and cries and goes insane all in the same minute, annoys RegT, calls in some immune cells just because he can. He cries terribly when no one acknowledges him (RegT gotta call in Dendritic cell just to take care of him because she doesn't know how)
Cross: Canonically is a messy and annoying drunk. He either loses his temper very fast or he doesn't even realize when is the appropriate time to be angry. Clings onto squad leader and gets him cups upon cups of alcoholic drinks because he's having too much fun to realize that is rude (and also the fact that squad leader is suffering)
#hope i didnt forget anyone#also hi im back#all because the local discord server dragged me back into it#i love friends so much#them so my beloved#cells at work#hataraku saibou#cells at work friends#hataraku saibō#caw friends#hataraku saibo friends#since when did caw have so many tags#idk what i label this as#headcanons#??? maybe#idk#feel free to say what you think should be changed in this list btw
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I just need to vent rn. Tw for suicide mentions/ideation, sh, and depressing shit.
I feel so alone tonight. Or today I general. I wanted to have a day to rest, cause I've been really tired lately, and I wanted a day where I don't have to do anything. I did almost nothing today, I got 11 hours of sleep, and I had an almost nap (like I was kinda semi conscious? Idk, I can't have normal naps most of the time). But I'm still so drained.
Everything's just been making me cry, for some reason. I've been breaking down so many times today, and idk why. I've been thinking about my past. Idk how I could ever forgive my parents for everything they've done to me, but I pretty much have to act like I don't remember it all, or don't care anymore, and have put it all behind me. I've tried so hard to put it behind me. I can't. They've done so much, and they don't care or realise what that's done to me, and I'm sick of having to live with it while they get to just move on completely.
My father's admitted that he made a lot of mistakes in the past, but he doesn't realise everything that's done to me. My mother probably doesn't give a shit. I sometimes wonder who I'd be without the abuse and trauma I've had, but I don't wanna mourn the person I never was. It's pointless.
I'm so worried for my friend. They attempted recently, and I haven't heard from them today, and it looks like they've blocked me, which they sometimes do when they're going through a really bad episode. I don't hold that against them, I understand why they do it. I used to get worried that they hate me, or I'd feel resentment towards them, but since they've explained a lot of why they act the way they do, I'm just worried for them now. So fucking worried.
It's 2am for me, and I can't get the idea of attempting or relapsing into sh out of my head. I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna do this anymore. Everything is going too fast, my future feels hopeless, and I'd have been dead at 14 if it weren't for other people. Why am I alive just for other people?
I have no one to talk to about any of this shit rn. I feel alone, like I'm screaming into a void, and no one's there to answer. I can't cope. I keep wanting to end the pain forever.
Why the fuck have I had to deal with so much in my life? Why do I have so much trauma, why can I almost never feel happy, why do I just get more shit thrown at me every time I think it's getting better? I'm 16, I've had my childhood ripped away from me, and replaced with the most fucked up shit life can throw at me. And I'm just meant to believe it gets better? That I can just think more positively? That life is a beautiful thing worth living, when it's been so cruel to me from the beginning? How? Why?
I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. There's no point. Maybe I'll continue living for the sake of it. Why tf not. I'll just get beaten down again and again, might as well just accept it already, and stop throwing myself a fucking pity party every time something bad happens. As though, what, I'm special? People go through worse. I fucking hate myself so much.
Whatever. I'm going to sleep. Take care of yourself, whoever is reading this. You are loved.
#vent#vent tw#vent post#i'm so sick of this#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing thoughts#tw sui ideation#tw s3lf harm#tw self destructive behavior#i hate it here#i hate everything
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Hi dear! Can i ask a question? I don’t mind spoilers at all!!! If you suspect lestat is in the penthouse. Why is Louis sad/depressed?. And are they not in good terms? I mean i always thought louis was the love of lestats life. But if he is gonna wake up and then run off with akasha it rubbs me the wrong way. And What do You think Will wake him up? Will it be ha happy reunion?
Hello Anon,
So, slight spoilers for the books Memnoch the Devil and Merrick below, and how they might be brought into S2.
So when I say I think Lestat is asleep in the Dubai penthouse, it's not that I'm saying he's taking a nap or something. I mean that he's in a coma. And not just a regular vampire sleeping-to-heal coma. I'm talking specifically about the coma state he went into after the events of book 5, Memnoch the Devil. The state of that coma was so different that everyone pretty much thought that Lestat was, for all intents and purposes, the vampire-equivalent of brain dead. That he was never going to wake up from it.
During this period, Louis spent a lot of time with Lestat's body, reading to him and such.
Anyway, the events of Merrick happen, which are spearheaded by the retrieval of Claudia's diary btw. I won't go into all the details - which also include the bringing back of what might or might not have been Claudia's spirit/ghost - but between learning just how Claudia hated and manipulated him, as well as thinking Lestat will never wake up again, Louis decided to end his life via sunlight exposure.
So Louis tries to end his life, however, because he was not only turned by Lestat but has lived as long as he has (over 200 years by that point) the sunlight can't reduce him to a pile of ashes anymore. He just ends up extremely, and I mean extremely, burned.
However, Louis trying to kill himself in this way is what ends up finally waking up Lestat. Lestat feeds Louis his blood, which not only restores Louis but gives him a power upgrade as well.
So if my hunch is correct, I think S2 will end in a similar way to this event in Merrick. Armand has already said that Louis is attempting suicide with this new interview. And while I think Louis' original plan was to not only use the book to warn humanity of this "great conversion" thing as well as put a target on himself for other vampires to try and kill him, I also think the book was a suicide note Louis was leaving for Lestat. I think, just like in Merrick, Lestat is asleep in such a way and has been for many years, that there is a real belief that he will never wake up again. But, just in case Lestat ever did - either in the near or far future - Louis was leaving the book as a last thing for him. (In Merrick too, Louis left a short suicide note for Lestat as well.)
However, on the show, I think Daniel upended everything when he broke through the narrative Louis set out to tell. And I think whatever original plan Louis had set out for all of this is basically going to continue to fall apart until he's not going to wait for Daniel to write and publish the book before he attempts to end his life. I think whenever Louis is done telling Daniel whatever else he feels he needs to about what happened, he'll make the attempt to end his life almost immediately afterward.
There is a reason we saw Louis stick his hand into the sunlight and burn in the first episode, aside from establishing the vampire lore of the universe. As well as seeing Louis badly burned in the second episode.
However, we've also seen Louis drinking from Armand who is resistant to sunlight. That also wasn't random.
Louis has no idea that he can't fully be killed by sunlight. Neither does the audience. AMC-Louis is also about 100 years younger than book-Louis was when he attempted to end his life. So it isn't age that'll stop Louis from being turned into a pile of ashes on the show. It'll be the fact that he's been drinking Armand's blood for who knows how many years at this point.
However, like in Merrick, he'll still be badly burned to almost the point of death I predict. And, just like in Merrick, I think Louis attempting this will be what finally ends up waking up Lestat, and Lestat restoring Louis with his blood.
What will happen between Louis and Lestat after that, I don't know. Since all of this I'm speculating about would happen at the end of S2 IMO. We'll likely have to wait until S3 to get a full picture of the dynamic between them. Though, you know, saving Louis and healing him I expect will make Lestat rather emotional, at the very least.
But no, Lestat ain't running off with Akasha at this point. We already know that S3 would/will be an adaptation of The Vampire Lestat. General audiences who never read the books or seen the Queen of the Damned movie have zero idea who Akasha even is. She's a character you have to introduce first for her to have any impact wrt such a thing. And where was Akasha first introduced? In The Vampire Lestat, during Lestat's backstory.
Lestat still has to tell that backstory and, as I said in reply to another ask recently, the most dynamic way to do that visually is continuing to do it in the interview format. Plus we know the title of the show isn't changing when they do adapt TVL in S3. So I don't think it's a stretch to think Lestat will tell his backstory via an interview with Daniel, just as Louis has been doing in S1 and will continue to in S2.
#Loustat#Louis de Pointe du Lac#Lestat de Lioncourt#Interview with the Vampire#Merrick#AMC Interview with the Vampire#amc iwtv#iwtv#tw: suidice#tw: self harm#Louis x Lestat#Lestat x Louis#iwtv S2#iwtv speculation#iwtv spoilers#book spoilers#ask#ask and answer
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1218.
Are any of your friendships on a fine line? .
If I search your room, will I find birth control? >> You don't really have to search. It's right here on my nightstand.
Do you expect any of your ex’s to call or text you? .
Have you ever witnessed a birth? >> Animal ones. Where’s your favorite place to be when you feel depressed? >> The Configuration. Outworld, I guess I just prefer to be in my room. Which is where I usually prefer to be anyway.
Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? >> Not particularly. Nothing special is happening tomorrow.
When was the last time you held someone’s hand? .
Have you ever faked sick? >> I have never done this.
Do you wear hoodies to bed? >> I've done it before, especially in the winter since we can't afford to properly heat this place.
Are you currently wearing jeans? >> I am not.
Do you buy eggnog around the holidays? >> If I remember. I do love a good eggnog.
Have you gone to a coffee shop within the past week? >> I have not.
Would you like to be able to read thoughts? >> I would not.
Are you often the last one to understand a joke? >> Not often.
Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? >> I don't think I've ever had one, and I've certainly never given anyone one.
Do you think baseball is a dying professional sport in America? >> I don’t know, and I definitely don’t care.
Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive? >> I think artistic skill is generally attractive, but even if I’m attracted to the skill level or the virtuosity of the player, that’s no guarantee I’ll be attracted to the player as well.
Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? >> I have. What does your hair look like at the moment? >> It looks like a buzzcut.
Are you mad right now? >> I am not. Who did you spend your summer with last year? .
Did you eat a cookie today? >> I haven't, but I might have a couple of lemon shortbread cookies later.
Have you heard of wreck this journal? >> I have, but not recently. Do they still make those?
Do you know any one who lives in California? >> I do.
Have you ever been told you were a good writer? >> I have.
What do you put on your baked potatoes? >> I don’t make baked potatoes.
Have you ever been on a farm? >> Sure. Last three texts on your phone are from? . What are you listening to? >> Nothing. Are you one to take naps? >> Occasionally. I do tend to get really sleepy in midday. Did you ever have braces? >> I did not.
Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? >> Not outworld.
Are you afraid of flying? >> Not at all, I love flying.
Do you have freckles? >> I do not.
Do you have plans for today? >> Just some gaming. Oh, and my laundry.
Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger than you? .
Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? .
If you had to live off one type of fruit, which would you pick? .
What were you doing at 7:45AM this morning? >> I'd just gotten back from my walk, and the next thing I did after I changed clothes was get some cereal and put Frasier on to watch an episode whilst eating said cereal. So, one of those things. What was the last thing you drank? >> Black tea.
Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? >> It's just an undershirt, it came in a pack from like Target or Meijer.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? . How often do you drink Monster? >> Never.
Are you easy to get along with? >> I suppose that depends on the disposition of the person trying to get along with me.
Are you short? >> In comparison to some people, sure.
Can you ever get enough of mac ‘n’ cheese? >> I most certainly can get enough of it. I'm really particular about mac and cheese, I don't like most varieties.
Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? >> I am not.
Do you have trust issues? >> Something like that.
Is there someone you want to let go of? .
Do you think age matters in relationships? >> Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.
Has anyone ever called the cops on you? >> Not on me specifically, no.
How old are you? >> 37. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? >> I did not.
Do you go to church every Sunday? >> I don't go any Sundays. Can you recall the last time you liked someone? >> God, I would so love to know what this feels like... About a billion fictional crushes did come to mind, though. If anything, I'll always have those~
Do you like your height? >> I have no feelings about it. It's really unremarkable.
Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? .
Could you go a week without brushing your teeth? >> I don't think so, that would feel and taste and look so awful. What day is it? >> Thursday. Are you usually awake at midnight? >> Ideally not. The firecracker fervour has finally died down, so now I'm back to being asleep before midnight, thank the fucking gods. Does it get really cold where you live? >> Not recently. The climate here has kind of flattened out in recent years; milder winters, milder summers. Although, of course, winter is still too damn cold for me personally.
When you get home from school / work do you change into your pjs right away? >> I change clothes whenever I get home from anywhere.
Have you ever been peer pressured to smoke pot? >> People did try to peer-pressure me into it, but it just doesn't work that way for me. When I did eventually try it, it was just out of curiosity.
Have you ever played the game Sims 3? >> Sure.
What is the temperature currently in the town you live in? >> 69° (nice) Fahrenheit (20° C).
Do you ever actually drink milk alone? >> I don't.
If you don’t have one already, would you consider getting an iPhone? >> I have no interest in iPhones.
What year were you born in? >> 1987.
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Asoue and wwdits
Into the woods if you feel up to it
Thanks for the ask, darling!!
Just answered for asoue here
What We Do In the Shadows
OTP: oh it's gotta be Nadja/Lilith. What can I say; I'm a sucker for lesbians, Lucy Punch, and bitter exes. They really have it all <3
Favourite canon pairing: Nadja/Laszlo of course. Though in recent series they haven't really been getting any screen time so my love for them has been dying somewhat. I hope they get some good scenes in the last season!
Worst pairing ever: Nadja and Colin. Why did they do that. Why did they do that. Why did they do that. Why did they-
Guilty pleasure pairing: I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH WRITING AN 'OH I DON'T REALLY HAVE ONE' PASSAGE WHEN I REALISED I DO. I FUCKING DO AND NO ONE WILL KNOW WHAT I'M ON ABOUT BUT HERE GOES ANYWAY!! Okay so you know in that one episode when Nadja was on the council and they had a fancy banquet and Nandor was in his depression nap and everyone thought he was dead?? Well one of the sexy vampire ladies that turned up was Carmilla (famous vampire from the vampiric novel, Carmilla) and I ABSOLUTELY wanted her and Nadja to get together. There it is, that's the guilty-pleasure ship, yet another one-episode character but somehow worse than Lilith because Carmilla only had like three lines
A pairing you want to see more: Nadja/The Guide!! The Guide is throwing herself at my girl and she is absolutely clueless. Icon <3
That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Nadja/Jenna. Really not into it, she gave me a VERY strong maternal vibe and I am. Not a fan of shipping them. Again, you do you, but like. Not for me
Favourite non-romantic pair: Nadja & Guillermo! I wish we'd given more focus to their dynamic earlier in the show, they' 've always had the potential to be really great bitchy friends, but we DID get her going absolutely fucking feral to save his life, risking hers in the process, so... it's a win <3
Into the Woods
I have basically never thought about shipping these characters so this is going to be fun
OTP: Baker's Wife and Cinderella. Straight up, I think it would be really fun and also the whole "when you know you can't have what you want what's the profit in wishing?" vs "how can you know what you want til you get what you want and you see if you like it?" I'm just saying, their little late night heart-to-hearts could have turned into something fruity
Favourite canon pairing: Cinderella's Prince/Baker's Wife is literally just funny. Like girlie what was even going through your head there
Worst pairing ever: Rapunzel/Rapunzel's Prince. I'm sorry, she was locked in a tower for her entire life, then abandoned by her mother for the horrible crime of making a friend (and fucking him, but still, that was your fault too buddy-boy), and he has the audacity to complain that she cries too much?? She wandered alone in the desert with newborn twins thinking that you were DEAD. It's been less than a year! My girl had TRAUMA and she deserved better
Guilty pleasure pairing: the Witch and the Stepmother. Do they ever interact? No. Do I think it'd be super funny to pair up the only villainous women just because? Absolutely. They can start an "I was a bad mother but also I love my children with my whole heart" club and make each other worse
A pairing you want to see more: Florinda and Lucinda with Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, respectively. First of all I think it's funny that it would fulfil the whole 'good marriage' thing, but also I just think the stepsisters get a really rough deal and someone needs to get those princesses out of there before the aspiring Henry VIII's get on to their second wives
That pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Baker/Baker's Wife. I'm sorry, there is no good option here. She cheated, he undervalued her at every turn, yells in her face because she just wants to help, and then has this ~wonderful realisation~ that "wow, maybe I should work with my wife!" before going straight back to his "you stay here and do nothing Because I Said So" mindset in act two. Mans has anger issues and I don't like it. Also, again, she cheated. There is no good angle to this relationship
Favourite non-romantic pair: Cinderella and the Baker. They really said "well, that was an awful lot of trauma none of us asked for. Guess we're sticking together and raising a family of two orphans and your infant son that you had with your wife (who's now dead) who cheated with my husband (who's telling people I'm dead)". Like that's so fuckin iconic.
Wait but ALSO the Witch and Rapunzel??? That's a fucking fascinating dynamic right there, like the Witch does love her! She absolutely unequivocally does! But also she doesn't know how to love her, and it is SO endlessly interesting to me and always will be
Send me a fandom and I'll answer these questions!
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Hi! I’m very new to your blog, so I’m hoping I’m not missing any of your rules. Your writing is utterly PHENOMENAL!!!
I was hoping I could request an orange petal with a crystal cloud for Leona? If you’re comfortable writing that, of course.
Oh my, thank you so much! I'm glad you like my writing! :D
(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤)
One Orange Petal And One Crystal Cloud
There were few things in the world that Leona cared for. Soulmates were not one of them
He was indifferent towards the doodles appearing on his skin at first. He had a soulmate, so what? It wouldn't change a thing. He was the second prince. Unwanted and a waste.
The doodles were endearing, but meaningless. Nothing would change that.
He never expected you to come work at the palace. On top of that, he never expected you to be willing to spend time with him after figuring out he was your soulmate when his new tattoo appeared on your arm. You were very excited, and could barely hold in your happines.
Leona found you incredibly irritating at first, but it only took a few months for him to warm up to you. Your cute doodles were a contributing factor.
Of course, because the Seven refused to let him have good things, his family had firmly told him that he wouldn't interacting with you, soulmates or no. You weren't royalty.
However, Leona Kingscholar never bothered to listen to anyone. Ever. And he wasn't going to start now. Especially not for such a stupid thing.
So he would sneak you into his room for some quality time. He wouldn't admit it outright, but he liked having you around. A lot. And that was quite an achievement.
A lot of your time would be spent laying in bed, talking about whatever came to mind, and- of course- making fun of Farena. It was the best part of Leona's day.
Leona cracked a smile when he felt your weight on his bed, and he wrapped his tail around your waist. He didn't bother with opening his eyes. He knew it was you.
"Ugh, it's too hot." You muttered. Leona huffed. "Weakling." You jabbed him and and he grinned. "You're mean." "I know."
You leaned against him and stared our the window. "Y'know we should go outside sometime. In secret. We'd be evil sneaky people." "I'm sure." "It would be nice to just get a coffee together." "Yeah." "...You're trying to sleep now aren't you?" "Yup."
You rolled your eyes and shoved a pillow in his face. "Still so mean." You said, pouting. "I should just l-"
The sound of the doorknob turning interrupted you and you froze- too panicked to react. In a sudden burst of energy, Leona grabbed you and pulled you off the bed, urging you to scramble under it.
You obeyed, and curled up into a ball while your soulmate went to deal with the "intruder".
A scowl etched onto Leona's face and he glowered at his brother, irritation speaking loud and clear.
"What do you want, Farena?"
Farena sighed tiredly, and forced a smile, even though his brother was a very depressing person to be around.
"I just came to check up on you. Are you doing your homework? I don't want you to get held back again?"
Leona rolled his eyes so hard they might as well have popped out if his head.
"I'm not a child. I'll deal with it when the time comes, now get out and leave me be."
Farena hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly, closing the door and letting out and audible groan on the other side.
Leona rolled his eyes once more before turning and collapsing onto his bed.
"You can come out now."
At his mutter, you clambered out from under the bed and buried yourself under the blankets.
"I think you should do your homework to be honest."
You got a tail swatting your face in response.
"Don't even start."
You chuckled. "All right fine. We'll nap, then?"
"Yeah that's good with me."
"But then you'll do your homework."
"No."
-END
..................................................................................
A/N: @incomplete-chaos1317 I am so sorry for the wait I've been very busy. Also this is my second time writing Leona so please have mercy on me, everyone.
#twisted wonderland x reader#savanclaw x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#soulmate au#twst soulmate au#200 Followers Event
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How the Brothers Would Try to Get the MC Back After a Breakup
I have a much longer one in the works, but dug this out of my old drafts and just had to polish it off real quick. Not sure why I never finished it. 🤷♀️
Lucifer
His first tactic is to try and make them try to get back with him.
That means he’s going to go out and slay it! He’s going to make sure he’s looking great and really making a point of just how much he can do and how capable he is in literally Every. Way. If they’re watching, he’s going to be amazing. Period.
Buuut he’ll be sure to treat them super coldly throughout... This isn’t him trying to nicely ask them to come back to him, oh no, this is just making a point about how much they threw away, stupid human...!
If this doesn’t send them crawling back then he’s really in a bad place… He really needs them to come back on their own because his pride won't let him…
If he ever has to ask, it will feel more like a business deal than a reconciliation but that means he’s desperate. Hear him out at least.
Mammon
He’s going to be an absolute nightmare...
I think we all know that Mammon would fall apart without MC and it really wouldn't be a graceful fall…
Man will go through all the stages of grief seemingly every hour, everywhere from "WELL I DON'T NEED YA ANYWAY!" to, "Baby I'll buy ya anything, please come back…!"
The worst of it comes out when he's drunk and it's also when his worst ideas sound fantastic!
Not above breaking into their room at night just to sing them a poorly-written, sappy love song.
Also not above begging his brothers, Simeon, and even Diavolo for ideas on how to win them back.
If he could put it on one of those airplane banners and fly it across the Devildom, he would. Please MC, he's trying here…
Leviathan
Pity. Pity. So much pity. He is not afraid to treat his own dignity like collateral damage if he has to.
In the weeks after the breakup, Levi would probably be best described as one of those gelatinous deep sea Blobfish thrown on dry land, just with 90% more sadness and wallowing.
Assuming he leaves his room at all, he'll look like complete trash who hasn’t slept in weeks. Just an ultra-depressed otaku covered in Dorito dust and self-pity…
Basically, everything about him is going to scream, "I'M MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU, PLEASE COME COMFORT ME!!!" and considering that may have initiated their relationship to start with, it's not a terrible tactic.
If turning into a pathetic beached jellyfish of despair doesn't work then he'll try begging too. Third brother or not, dignity was never a priority here. Just MC… Always MC.
Satan
Meet our resident drunk texter.
During the day, Satan is going to take more of a Lucifer route and just be as impressive as he possibly can. However, he doesn't quite have Lucifer's level of deep emotional repression through pure spite…
What that means is occasionally he's going to crack and it's rough.
Get a few drinks in him and Satan will just break into a sobbing mess… Any poor soul in the vicinity will have to listen to his incoherent babbling about how many dates he's had with MC, how much he loves them, and why he can't sleep without them anymore…
But the texts… Man, are they something…
Satan: MC yourr the sptinkles to my waffls
Satan: why did you leave me? 🥺
Satan: im in the bat, its really cold here
Satan: pleaae come home 😭😭😭
Satan: I'd murder fr yo
Satan: i mean love you
Satan: come back please
Asmodeus
Jealousy. Pure, simple jealousy. You think he can’t have three other people on his arms by the end of the week? Don't you know what you’re missing??
If Mammon is going through grief stages, then Asmo is stuck on anger. To think that he, HE, would be broken up with!! The nerve!!!
He'll go out clubbing and fucking and make a big'ol deal out of it for at least a week, but if it doesn't really help his case then he's really screwed… (like, figuratively this time)
After his anger burns out there'll be A LOT of crying and Asmo will make it his mission to get together again!!
That could involve everything from long-winded apology speeches, to dragging Solomon into complicated "Let's date again!" schemes, to dangling himself in front of MC like a carrot on a stick to try and entice them back.
EVERYONE in the House is going to hear about it and it'll drive them all crazy, but hey, anything in the name of love, damnit!!
Beelzebub
Lots of gifts, mostly food.
You'd think he'd be leaving offerings to a pagan god with the amount of food he tries to give MC… The man could actually feed a village with those plates!
To be frank, Beel doesn’t even have to do all that much in the grand scheme of things. A sad Beel is like a sad puppy, it just tugs at the heartstrings by its pure existence!
It also helps that he'd be willing to just… talk about getting back together like emotionally mature adults (novel concept, I know)
If they talk it out and the MC still isn't interested then expect more food and more sad Beel... He'll pretty much be like a depressed Santa Claus with a bag of T-bone steaks.
Be careful how long you keep Beel sad for though, MC, because Belphie isn't afraid to murder you twice. He's keeping a knife in that pillow. Be warned.
Belphegor
He's too busy not caring to even try.
Seriously. He doesn't care. Really. Not at all. Not even a little. Were they even dating? He didn't notice!
In fact, he doesn't care so much that he's going to nap in all of their favorite places, rewatch all of their favorite movies, and listen to their favorite songs because he just doesn't give a shit.
He doesn't care so much that he'll totally still invite them out to festivals and theme parks because it doesn't matter and they can still have a lot of fun together anyway!
He doesn't care SO FREAKING MUCH that if they wanted to nap together again or even cuddle a bit it's totally fine because it doesn't mean anything and he's fine and they're fine and this is fine!! Everything is a'okay!!!
See? No complaints outta him. But if they wanted to get back together uh… that's fine too… please...
#obey me#obey me shall we date#shall-we-date-obey-me#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me headcanons
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[ a father’s love ]
PARING: StepFather! Aizawa x StepDaughter! Reader
SYNOPSIS: Your stepfather took you in with open arms after the death of your mother. Depression gets the better of you and Shouta promises to take care of you. But just how far is he willing to go to see it through?
CW: yandere, pseudo-incest, mentions of stalkers, mentions of death, depression, mental health issues, pregnancy, noncon, somnophilia, bondage, daddy kink, praise kink, afab reader
AN: my first collab with the bnharem server!! the theme was roommates (i ran with the term loosely) read the other member’s takes here! mind the tags as usual and enjoy!! :)
The death of your mother shattered you. A freak accident with a villain attack had her crushed under rubble from a collapsed building. Your stepfather, Shouta, suggested that you move back home with him after her funeral. As tempting as the offer was, you were determined to make it through University and handle yourself like a big girl, an adult ready to take on the world. You had only moved out a few months before her death, independence calling to you after you received your college acceptance letter.
A few months and an eviction notice later, you crawled back to him, the only remnants of your family. Open arms enveloped you, bringing you solace and comfort in your dire time of need. You felt like a child, bundled up in his arms as you sobbed, screaming at the cruelty of the world. Depression hit you hard and deep, flunking you out of your classes and preventing the bills from being paid. You had no other alternative but to accept his offer.
“You time and space to grieve properly, kitty. The most logical thing to do is take a breather.”
Ah, kitty. He always knew that was your favorite nickname, calling you that ever since you were a little girl. He also always knew just what to say. Patting your thigh, he stood up and extended his hand to help you up as well.
“Let’s go step up your room. I'm sure you need a nap after that cry.”
He gave a wrinkly smile before disappearing down the hall.
Skeptical at first, you were unsure if it was the right move to return home. You needed time to figure out what you wanted, what you needed. A break from life would give you a chance to sort things out, right? And Shouta was more than prepared to use this opportunity to show you he would be all that you needed and more.
The man was nothing short of doting and generous. A shoulder to cry on, a good laugh, a friend, a father. He helped you piece your broken soul back together. Whenever he wasn’t patrolling, he was at home with you. When your depression seemed to drown you, Shouta was there to pull you out of the water. He made sure you ate, helped brush your hair when it was matted, and got you into clean clothes daily. It was the small things that he did for you that helped your demeanor change.
—
“Up and at ‘em, kitty. Breakfast is on the table.”
You grunted, burrowing deeper into your bedding. A chuckle reverberated in his throat as he rubbed your lower back soothingly.
“C’mon, I know you haven't been eating lately. Let's get some food in you. I made your favorite.”
—
But as time passed, his help could only do so much. Your mental health continued to dwindle, plummeting into the ground when her first anniversary passed.
—
Gentle strokes of a brush smoothed through your tangled hair. Shouta was kind enough to help you when your head got matted into a rat’s nest, being incredibly tender and gentle with you. Tears streamed down your face, broken hiccups and sobs bubbling from your chest. You were trying to hold it in, he could tell. A sweet kiss was placed on the back of your head as he enveloped you in a comforting embrace, letting his hands sip down to your hips to rub circles in.
“Let it out, kitty. I'm here for you.”
He was the only one that was.
—
The domestic dynamic the two of you fell into hardly felt like one of parent and child, but more as two lovers sharing a home they built together. The pair of you even adopted a new cat together in hopes of cheering you up. You can't say that you disliked it. It felt...nice to have your presence matter when it was a struggle even to be alive. Shouta always checked in on you; whether he sent you an update from work or shared a cat video. He really was the best father anyone could hope for, even when your depression got the worst of you.
Your depression started to manifest itself in many forms. Lately, you’d been having vicious nightmares, only to wake up with an unknown stickiness on your thighs. Recalling the night terrors was something that evaded you, but you knew you were being violated. Perhaps your body wet itself from the fear of the dream? It was the only logical answer you and Shouta could come up with. Depression sure had funny ways of physically manifesting itself. You thought that would be the end of it, putting the situation behind you.
It was until it started happening nightly. The nightmares only seemed to prolong themselves, worsening to the point where you could vividly dream of being assaulted. Your underwear was now soiled too, and it definitely wasn’t your doing. Fearing you had a stalker, Shouta installed brand new locks on your windows and doors, hoping to soothe you. He was a Pro-Hero, so he certainly had the means and know-how to protect you. It put you at some ease, but it continued to the point where your stepfather decided sleeping in the same room would help you feel safer.
It didn't.
The nightmares themselves only seemed to get worse, but Shouta was right there to comfort you as soon as you woke up shouting in a panic. He would take you into his arms and hold you until you fell back asleep. You felt like a child. But he didn't judge you.
After a month of strange behavior, the stress caused you to gain some weight. Visiting a doctor was your best bet to get an answer. He took you to your appointment, letting you hold onto his arm for comfort as his hand rested comfortably on your thigh. The two of you were mistaken for a couple by a nurse. What a strange, intimate relationship the pair of your tangled yourselves in.
The doctor ran some tests and had your blood drawn. The results were to be emailed to you in a few days. Shouta calmed your nerves with a tender kiss to the forehead, reassuring you that everything would work itself out.
The notification for the email came in a few days later while Shouta was at work and you were lounging in the living room. Patience was never your strong suit, so you took his laptop from the coffee table, only to open up to a camera feed. Coming from your room.
The blood in your veins ran cold as you looked into the memory drive of the feed. Maybe he set up a camera to see what was happening during your nightmares? That had to be it; how could you assume the worst of your sweet dad? The only saved footage to be found was him fucking himself deep inside of your sleeping body.
“I see the results are in.”
You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice. He always had a habit of sneaking up on you.
“What-” You couldn’t find the words to describe your anger. “What the fuck is this!”
Disgust. Rage. Dispair.
Your only family left had turned against you.
“You were upset at the loss of your family, kitty. So I decided to give you a new one.”
He couldn't possibly mean…
“You’re pregnant.”
Bile rose to your throat as you gagged at the mere thought of his words. Pregnant? With your father’s child? His betrayal cut you more profoundly than your mother’s death ever could have. But it couldn't have made more sense—his touches, his comfort, sleeping in your room, the nightmares that plagued you.
“You’re sick!”
You shouted, tears streaming down your face as you continued to pummel insults and nasty spats at him. You lost your voice by the end of your rant, panting and heaving while sweat beaded your brow. He just stood there, taking everything in with a grain of salt.
“I understand, kitty. I really do. I should have been straightforward with my intentions.” He confessed.
The capture weapon around his neck snagged you the second you moved on the couch.
“Let daddy make it up to you. I'll make everything better for my pretty little kitty.”
It secured you to the sofa, keeping your legs spread and your hands behind your torso. On his knees in front of you, Shouta was ready to serve his apology with his tongue. Panties and sweatpants were ripped at the seams before being tossed aside.
He caressed your thigh with a delicate touch, pressing his lips to the other side. A kiss was pressed to your clit before long slow strokes of a hot tongue lavished it in attention. He kneaded your thighs gently all the while, humming as he began to alternate between licking and suckling on your sensitive nub.
Your head thrashed about in your binds as you shouted in protest.
“S-Stop it right now! Get off of me, dad!”
In a desperate plea, you hoped that hearing you call him dad would force him back into reality. Instead, he groaned and took a breath.
“Call me that again, kitty.”
A hot mouth sealed over your wet cunt as he dove his tongue between your folds while sucking with his lips. The pleasure was undeniable; his tongue was too experienced to ignore how his ministrations made you feel. Toes flexing and curling, you cried out of a mix of frustration, disgust, and humiliation as he continued to work at your dripping hole. This pig was getting off on the fact that he was fucking his daughter. It made your soul shatter all over again, the one he worked so hard to rebuild.
You continued to sob, moans now added to the mix, as he worked a finger inside of you. He made a curling motion after plunging in knuckle deep. A pleasured shout broke between your cries.
“I'll take it that’s your sweet spot, pretty girl? Good to know.”
He continued to abuse that spot, slowing down just a touch with his tongue to drag out the ride to the peak. Can't have you coming too fast, now can we? Your moans and whimpers spurred him on even more as he wiggled another finger inside you.
Removing his mouth, he focused on stretching and loosening up your tense body. You were lax when sleeping, so sliding in was a pinch with his size. But now he has to deal with you thrashing and struggling against his bonds. Disgust and pleasure churned together in your gut, feeling the incoming orgasm approaching hard and fast. Shouta felt you clench around his fingers and added a third, using his thumb to swipe your clit back and forth. With a final cry, you came on his fingers with a shout as your body convulsed in the capture weapon. You found what little peace you could in your short-lived post-nut clarity, taking a moment to breathe and center yourself.
Your father gave you no such chance to do so, immediately springing his cock free and rubbing the tip against your clit to gather your wetness. A chuckle sounded in his throat as he watched you twitch even more from the stimulation that was starting to border on being painful.
“Relax, kitty. Being tense won't do you any good.”
He slowly nudged his cock into your hole, groaning as he took his time bottoming out inside you. Praise spilled from his lips as he let you adjust, feeling your pussy clench tight around him. Good girl, good kitty. He shushed your sobs, smoothing the tears off of your face with the pads of his thumb. Murmurs of good girl and taking me so well slipped your senses. The pace he set was slow and deep, letting you feel every agonizing inch of his rather impressive dick.
Your flowing tears were kissed away as he proceeded to thrust faster and deeper. The sound of skin slapping against one another filled the room, even above your now weakened crying and whimpers. Sweat beaded on your brow plastered your hair to your forehead. His breath was warm against your cheek, his moans of pleasure so close to your ear forced you to stay in the moment.
Shouta swallowed your cute noises with a kiss, cupping and stroking your cheek with his right hand while his left pinned your hips down into the cushions. He did his best to stop your tears, pushing the hair off of your sweaty face. A few minutes passed filled with kisses, cries, and deep thrusts before he maneuvered you to be seated in his lap. Back pressed into the cushions, he lazily thrust up into you, hands grabbing your now bouncing ass. His thumb made its way back to your clit as he rubbed it in small circles, grinning at your cries of pleasure that you couldn't hold back. Dark brown eyes fluttered shut as he groaned and moaned proudly, increasing the speed of his thrusts as he felt himself getting closer and closer.
He usually lasted longer while you were sleeping; he does have quite a bit of stamina from his hero work. But something about seeing your flushed, torn face, hearing your whimpers and cries, he can't help but cum rather quickly for his own record. The pleasure was manifesting itself within you again, a second orgasm hitting you like a speeding truck as you gasped and choked for air at its intensity. Shouta was soon to follow, grunting and moaning loudly as he filled your cunt with his spend. He rode out both your orgasms, relishing in the silence between the two of you. It was better than hearing your broken, choked up wails.
It was wrong; he knew that. Breaking your trust, violating you, sabotaging your personal life, he couldn't help but be selfish with you. But he always knew what was best for you, always knew how to take care of you when you couldn't.
Foreheads pressed together, he caught your sagging body against him in a warm hug, stroking your hair when you started to sob uncontrollably.
“Let it out, kitty. I'm here for you.”
#yandere shouta aizawa#yandere shouta aizawa x reader#yandere aizawa#yandere aizawa x reader#shouta aizawa x reader#shouta aizawa#aizawa x reader#aizawa#yandere my hero academia#yandere boku no hero academia#yandere mha#yandere bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#bnha#yandere x reader#yandere
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Hi im here for a matchup!
Pronouns: she/her
How i look: i have red long hair with blushish, grayish eyes. I have tons of freckles on my body besides my face, i am chubby and im 5'6. (Hope that was enough).
How i react to someone liking me: i think it honestly depends on how the person shows they like me. If they try to drop hints than i would probably be to oblivious to notice. However if they are straight forward and i like them back than ill of course admit i like them too (though i would probably be blushing a lot).
Personality: I don't talk to people I don't know usually and can seem shy but once I get to know them a can be talkative and a little bit loud. I don't really hate people unless they give me a reason too. I don't get annoyed or mad easily. I make dark jokes most of the time they're directed to myself. I try to be supportive of my friends but if I know what they're doing is stupid than I will call them out on it. I'm really into the emo style. I do suffer from anxiety and depression, I also am touch starved (tho I will never ask for physical attention, the other person will have to do it first for me to return it probably it depends on how close i am to them). I have anger issues but they usually only get bad if I don't get enough sleep. I'm usually the most responsible one out of my siblings and like to keep my grades up most of the time.
Hobbies: reading, drawing, watching anime/tv shows, writing, painting, going on late night drives, witch craft stuff and going on walks.
Likes: anime, art, music, nightmare before Christmas, harry potter, the colors black and purple also green alot, scented things, candles, Halloween, fall weather, animals, and fuzzy blankets.
Dislikes: spiders, super hot weather, liar's, blend food, and people who can't clean up after themselves.
Thank you!❤❤❤❤
↛ ❀ Match up; @veethewriter
I match you with Ruggie Bucchi
Ruggie has always been a very straight forward person. He likes people who are on the same page as him. He’s brutally honest and sometimes adds an insult. Things may be rough at the beginning but things can really work out. He likes you because you don’t seem to take offense to things he says. He learned how ticked off you get when you don’t get enough sleep so if he sees you agitated, he persuades you to take a little nap, while also telling you to sleep earlier.
He isn’t the most touchiest person, so he won’t initiate the hugs but maybe if he’s excited or happy, he’ll grab onto you. He’ll be surprised but he won’t mind. He’s happy to indulge you, but just for fun. He might offer to let you touch his ears or tail since you like animals, but the moment you touch him, he jumps and pulls away. He’s not exactly used to people actually wanting to pet him.
He finds you really memorable. He likes your eyes and how they contrast with the color of your hair. He’s never exactly the type to say it out loud. He often flirts but it’s always dismissed as a joke with how much he plays around.
He would be honest and try to make humor out of his confessions. He laughs, but it’s a painfully awkward one. But he’s still straight forward. He takes pride in you being flustered.
If you need some time to think about it, then he’ll wait but ever so impatiently. He might be a bit annoyed or just anxious while he’s waiting.
You two can get along with your blunt sides. His playfulness pairs well with your more energetic parts and less happy parts.
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okay heres my vaguely compiled list of reasons why I am almost positive kazuaki nanaki from hatoful boyfriend is autistic, made by an autistic who did have to close holiday star and take a nap after reading his backstory because that was how much psychic damage getting called out by a dating simulator about birds caused me.
obligatory hatoful boyfriend holiday star spoilers below
1: the torture
okay but actually. not in any particular order.
1: its pretty innocuous but canon does make clear that he has food aversions and it doesnt do that as much for other birds so I'm choosing to take that for more than just "haha grown man doesnt eat his vegetables"
2: theres a kickstarter description for his plush I think which says smth along the lines of "hes a delicate crybaby but he has the power of concentration when it comes to his interests" which sounds like the tism to me how about you
3: do I need to cite sources to make a point abt him getting RSD or can I just say it and we all just nod because we all know its true. I cant just gesture at literally all of his dialogue can i. moving on
4: on the same line did you know that recognition responsive euphoria is also a thing apparently because I didnt. u ever get empathized with once and fall head over heels instantly
5: general behavior often seen as childish + tendency to regress after trauma. the king could very well be him regressing after trauma. yeah.
6: a lot of kazuaki-kun's book from what I gather as well as his flashback in holistar is just the fun fun woes of executive dysfunction. probably other woes too but that is the one I relate to the most and the one I can remember the name for. anyway
7: again another (just gestures vaguely at the character) one but depression and anxiety often come along with the tism so theres another corroboration right there
8 and the one that really resonated with me the most which is also his whole point:
🎉 the existential dread of being unable to function "correctly" if at all in a societal structure where you either function or you die and every facet was designed against you specifically and there is no escape 🎉
wooooooo
anyway theres also some other bits and pieces that arent Totally autistic coding in and of themselves but did hit too close to me as an autistic person so I'm gonna list those here too because "I'm autistic and this happened to me" should be some sort of coding as well right
- tendency to get over-attached to people
- cries as a default emotional response even when it is not specifically appropriate
- being fucked over hilariously by gifted kid complex as soon as college rolls around
- not having the energy/literally just never learning how to take care of himself
- not being able to actually do anything so either sleeping thru the entire day or staying up until 5 am with no inbetween
- and my favorite one! a love for life that is obscured so hard by a hatred for capitalism that he literally didnt even know he had it until he was dying
well that got depressing
also on the "im autistic and this happened to me" is that I really like fuzzy clothes if I had eldritch dream powers I would absolutely make myself a fluffy king cape to hide in :)
in conclusion I hope that theres a bit in mirror where kazuaki has a nice nap in the grass in the sun because that's what I do when the existentialism gets heavy and it wards it off a bit for at least like half a week. that's not an autism thing that's just a me thing but he should get a little a grass. thank u for reading
#i am aware that autism shares a lot of traits with adhd so these may also be adhd coding#but see i havent been diagnosed with adhd (very well could have it but like. i am not an authority is what im saying)#kazuaki is the most me character i have ever seen so i feel like im a bit justified in being able to make this???#but please do tell me if i get anything wrong or word anything particularly sloppily#anyway happy autism acceptance month everyone
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Can I Stay Up Here With You Forever ch. 14
Previous
Warning(s): mention of depression
Taglist: @mediocredetective @it-hurts-when-i-blink @ima-simp-uwu @luckyauthorlampknight
Mammon laid awake that night, his head full of thoughts- doubts, worries. Would he be a good father? Was he ready? What would he do if something happened to Arella during the birth? Could he raise his son on his own if something did happen? Would he even be able to look at him without thinking about her?
With all these thoughts racing through his head, the Avatar of Greed chews on his bottom lip. He wants to say that without a doubt that he was ready for this- that the answer to all the questions running through his mind was a resounding yes, but what if he was just lying to himself.
He didn’t have a ton of experience raising kids- sure he had five younger brothers but the only one he actually raised from infancy was Satan and he and Levi are so close in age that Mammon wasn’t exactly able to help take care of him either. Glancing at the time, the white-haired demon only runs a hand through his hair. He’d spent so much time dwelling on these thoughts that now the sun was starting to rise. He could always take a nap later he supposed, but would he even sleep then either? With a sigh, he slid out from under his human carefully as not to wake her and quietly made his way to the shower, hoping that the hot water might relax him enough to catch a few hours of sleep afterward.
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The shower didn’t help me one bit, Mammon thought as he trudged back into their shared bedroom, towel wrapped loosely around his hips. I'm still wide awake... the demon lets out a sigh through his nose.
“Mams... Baby, what’re you doing up so early?” Arella sits up and stretches as she yawns. “Come back to bed, Love. Just for a few more hours.”
“The better question is why’re you awake at this hour?” He sits down on the bed beside her.
“A well-placed kick from your son while he was attempting to settle down and the fact that you weren’t beside me so I was cold... that’s what woke me up.” She curls up next to the demon resting her head on his shoulder. “Was something on your mind? It might be because I’m still half asleep, but you look like you haven’t slept all night.”
“Yeah, a little bit,” Mammon rests his cheek against the top of her head, “Just some worries but it’s not a big deal...”
“It was enough to keep you from sleeping which means it is a big deal... You know you can tell me, right? I have plenty of my own worries that I’m not showing so let’s talk about them- if you’re comfortable, that is.”
“I don’t wanna throw all that baggage on ya, though, ‘specially since yer pregnant which means yer probably stressed about other things and I don’t need ta add ta it by dumpin’ all my thoughts ‘n worries on ya.” He takes a hold of her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Ever since ya met us, you’ve been like our family’s personal family therapist and that’s not fair...”
“Mammon... Honey, I’m not stressed by anything right now- I mean I was before you came back to me because I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to raise our son while keeping the fact that he’s half-demon under wraps while also working a full-time job at the same time since I can’t actually leave him with just any human nanny and I’m not really trusting of any witches in the area either. But now, I have nothing to be stressed about because I have you and I know I will always have you.” she brings his hand to her lips and presses a kiss to his knuckles. “Plus, I don’t really mind listening to you all when you guys need someone to talk to. As much as your brothers may frustrate me with their behavior, it’s clear that the seven of you have never had someone who would listen to you without judging you guys as weak.”
“Yer too good, ya know that?” He chuckles. “Are you sure though?”
“As sure as I am in the fact that I love you more than anything in the world. Now out with it before I use the pact to make you talk.” The black-haired human gives his cheek a pinch.
“Okay, okay but you have to tell me what you’ve been worrying about as well- ‘s only fair... What kept me awake was... I was thinking about if I’d be a good father... if we were really ready for this... What would happen if something happens to you and you’re not with us after he gets here... Would I even be able to raise him after that? Or would I just abandon him out of grief...”
Arella peered up at him with a small frown. Sure, these thoughts were normal for first-time parents but she didn’t think he would be this anxious about it.
“Let me tell you what I think,” She moves so she’s sitting on his lap, eye-level with the demon that captured her heart. “I think you will be a fantastic father- you have your faults, yes, but there is so much more that is good about you that it overshadows those faults. As far as being ready, when it comes to having children, we humans always say that you’ll never know when you’re ready for children until it happens. And no matter what happens to me, I know that you could never turn your back on our son- that the minute you see him and get to hold him, you would never abandon him for anything because I know that even though he’s not even here yet, you already love him more than anything in this life or the next. And I’ve already told you that you can’t get rid of me after I die- that my spirit will stick around to haunt you until the day you die. So, if it does come to that, then I will always be watching over the two of you, okay?”
Mammon nods slowly as his thumbs idly rub circles on her hips. He leans forward and captures her lips in a slow kiss. When he pulls back, he leans his forehead against hers.
“Thank you,” Mammon smiles, “I needed ta hear that...”
“Always.... anything to give you peace of mind.” She hums as she brushes some of his hair back behind his ear. “Someone as beautiful as you shouldn’t worry about such things.” she giggles as she watches his cheeks flush a dark shade of red.
“C’mon, babe, ya can’t just give me compliments that sappy without at least givin’ me a warnin’!” The white-haired demon buries his face in the crook of her neck to hide his flustered expression from view.
“Should I stop then? I just want The Great Mammon to know what I really think of him.” she says as she gently scratches the back of his neck with her nails.
“.......no.......” He replies as he relaxes against her. He can’t stop the purrs that escape as he speaks even if he tries.
Arella only smiles as she turns her head to press a kiss to his hair. “Are you tired now? Or do you just want to get up and we’ll have some breakfast before we start to get ready?”
“No, yer gonna tell me what you’ve been worryin’ ‘bout. Don’t think I forgot about something so important.”
“A deal’s a deal, I guess.” She lets out a soft sigh. “There’s really only one thing I’ve ever been worried about and it’s becoming just like my mother- becoming abusive, hurting our son, neglecting him... Mammon, I need you to promise me that you won’t let me walk down that path- that if I start to turn into her, that you’ll kill me...”
His blue and gold eyes widen at her words before a frown takes over his expression.
“Now listen here and listen well,” The second-born cups her face with his hands, “You could never turn into that monster of a woman. You have the soul of an angel. You are too good, too kind, too sweet, too... loving ta ever think about hurtin’ our son. You love him too much ta ever do what yer mother did ta you. I don’t want ya for a second to think that you could ever be like that. Do ya understand me?”
The human nods with a sad look in her eyes.
“I understand you, Love, but it’s not so simple as me being too good of a person... put some pants on and meet me in my home office. I have a video I want to show you.” She rises off his lap and heads down the hall.
--------------------------------------------------
When he rejoins the human in her office, the video is already up on her pc, waiting for Arella to start it. He sits himself in the desk chair, pulling at her so she’d sit in his lap so he could hold her. Almost as soon as the video started, the demon found himself confused.
He watched as the video opened with her mother talking presumably to Arella’s father about how she was excited for Arella to start school as she pushed a stroller back and forth in a rocking motion, but the way she was talking about it wasn’t a way a parent would talk if they were eager to get rid of their child for the day. More like she was proud of how smart her daughter was at such a young age.
The camera then pans over to a toddler-aged Arella running up to them as she cried, having been stung by a bee. Her mother immediately crouched down to comfort her as she brushed the stinger away and kissed it better, comforting Arella as she clung to her mother. Mammon could only bite the inside of his cheek as the video ended.
They were silent for a while before Arella looked up at him.
“She wasn’t always the type of person she had been the videos you and the others watched. Back then she was a lot like I am now. Kind, warm, loving... back then, I was her sweet little girl that could do no wrong. She sang me songs, and read or made-up stories for me until I fell asleep every night... So, you see, when I say that I’m worried about turning into her, this is what I mean. After having been exposed to it in my childhood, I have a predisposition to repeating her actions toward our children. That’s why I need you to promise me that if I even show one warning sign of becoming an abuser myself, that you’ll take me life. I would rather die than raise a hand to any of our children...”
“Arella... I can’t make that promise because I could never take your life- Since yer my pact-master, I physically can’t... but, I promise I’ll do anything I can to keep ya from even coming close to that line, got it?”
“Got it,” She smiled slightly.
“What happened to the two of ya though- if yer comfortable talkin’ about it...” He asks, “what I just saw... that was like a completely different person.”
“I told you my mother was mentally ill. She had depression- even when I think back to times like the one we just watched, I suspect she had post-partum depression that was never treated before my father’s untimely death- that just continued to grow worse as time went on. There were days I remember where she would just lay in bed all day because she didn’t have the energy to get up unless it was to care for my brother. Back then we would just cuddle all day until my father got home and if he hadn’t died while he was out with me, I don’t think things would have ever changed between us like they did, but because my father had taken me out and had died while we were on our way home, she thought it was my fault and then things spiraled from there.”
He nods at that slowly.
“But enough of that, let’s have breakfast!” Arella smiles as she hopped up and tugs him down to the kitchen.
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“Are you nervous, Dear?” Arella asked as the pair arrived at Milli’s house.
“Nervous? Haha, what makes ya think that,” He laughs, voice full of his usual bravado. “I’m The Great Mammon! Nothin’ makes me nervous.”
“Yeah, well, The Great Mammon’s hand is all sweaty and clammy so...” the human has to suppress the small chuckle in her voice.
“Alright, fine,” He sighs as he lets go of her hand, choosing to wipe all the sweat off on his pants leg. “’m just a tiny bit nervous... but not over seein’ Milli... s’more like what she might tell us...”
“I’m sure everything is going to be just fine, Love. She’ll probably confine me to bedrest unless I absolutely have to get up for work or something like that to combat the fatigue... it’ll probably just be a quick check-up so don’t be worried okay.” The demon only nods as she leans up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now let’s go on in, m’kay? You can return that deck to her as well.” Arella turned to place a few knocks on the door.
It swings open to reveal a relatively young witch- maybe physically in her early 30’s- standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.
“It’s about time- what, were you two just going to stand there talking all morning?” Her voice is teasing as she ushers them in. “Arella go sit down, I’ll be there in just a moment.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, yes, just give me a few moments. I’d like to speak with your boyfriend for a few moments privately.”
“O...kay?” Arella headed into the room Milli had pointed her toward.
Once she was out of sight, the witch turns to the Avatar of Greed, delivering him a light smack to the back of his head- not enough to hurt him but definitely enough to grab his attention.
“Okay, first off, oww. Second off, what was that for? I’ve been here literally a minute.”
“We both know that didn’t hurt you,” She deadpans in a hushed voice, “And you know what that was for, Mammon. What in the Devildom were you thinking? I get that she loves you and wanted a family with you, but I know you know how dangerous this is for her. Why would you do this to her?”
“I don’t know...?” The white-haired demon grumbles as he rubbed the back of his head. “Thinkin’ with the wrong head, I guess.”
“Damn right, you were.” Milli huffs as she crosses her arms. “That baby is syphoning off her soul and with the amount he’s already taken from her, at the rate he’s taking from her, she doesn’t have much longer if I don’t put a complete barrier between him and her soul to slow it down as much as I can. The last bit is up to you. Do you really think you can use chance persuasion to at least make her chances an even fifty-fifty? What’s your back up plan if that fails?”
“I was gonna turn her-”
“I don’t even want to hear you finish that sentence, Mammon. You’d seriously break ancient law for her- you'd give your life for hers? Lucifer will have a field day with that one.”
“Well, what do you expect me to do, Mil? If chance persuasion don’t work, I ain’t gonna just sit back ‘n watch my mate die.”
“No, I suppose you wouldn’t.” She sighs. “But I have an idea and you’re going to help me with it.” Mammon looks at her curiously as she explains. “This barrier spell that I’ll use needs a power source to be the most effective. That’s where you come in. I’m going to use your demonic energy as the power source. Which means for the rest of her pregnancy, you need to be in your demon form for as long and as often as you can be- I don't care if you have to use perception blocking on yourself, if you don’t want her to die, you need to be in that form for at least 22 hours a day. Hopefully, if he gets enough demonic energy, we can ween him away from what’s left of her soul.”
Mammon nods as she begins to walk back towards the room Arella is waiting in. “One more thing, after this, no more kids unless the two of you plan to wait at least five years. You will actually kill her otherwise, so fucking wrap it before you tap it.”
“Why five?”
“Luckily for you two, the barrier magic is permanent in case of any... surprises. After five years, your demonic energy will have enough staying power to keep any happy accidents from having free reign with her soul but I still don’t recommend it. If you really want more kids then its either adoption for you two or you get permission from Lord Diavolo to turn her. Those are your only options.” She pushes open the door and the pair enter.
“Is... everything alright, Milli?” Arella asked as she sensed the tense air between her and Mammon.
“It will be,” The older woman smiled, “Push your bangs up for me please, Arella. I’m going to seal off your magic until we’re done so baby can’t interfere.”
“What exactly are you going to do?” she watched as the witch draws a symbol on her forehead and then flicks it as she says an incantation.
“Something that will most likely save your life.”
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#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me! shall we date?#obey me fluff#obey me angst#mammon fluff#mammon angst#obey me mammon#om! mammon#mammon#obey me oc#arella#milli
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More Soft Bluepulse because someone has to keep this ship afloat even though we're stranded in the middle of the Pacific and there are sharks and albatrosses everywhere oh no.
So Bart came from the future and while he has every intent on being a hero in the current timeline as Impulse. Jaime still has dreams of college. He worries about doing well with school juggling being in Young Justice/The Outsiders but he still gets a lot of help and support!
Bart may not be the best study buddy because sitting down and focusing is hard. But he's great at helping Jaime with flashcards and in turn Jaime helps Bart get back on track with a lot of the schooling he's missed.
Jaime keeps what he wants to study generally a secret. It isn't until Bart sees Jaime just decompressing and mindlessly scrolling through Tik Toks of dental videos that he put two and two together. Also the fact Jaime will refuse to be intimate at night with Bart unless Jaime can tell he's brushed his teeth and used mouthwash.
So Season 3 exists.. yeah.. so here's how I'm addressing that. Jaime is bisexual and while Bart is very happy to see Jaime and Traci together. Jaime just kind of doesn't feel right with Traci. There definetly is a physical attraction there. But emotionally Jaime feels really confused about the situation.
Khaji Da actually helps him overcome the confusion. In the way that only a genderless alien superweapon can "Jaime Reyes, your brain emits dopamine and norepinephrine when you look at Traci. But when you look at Bart, your brain emits a very large amount of oxytocin that you don't get when you look at Traci. Use this information as you will."
Ever since the outsiders moved to Los Angeles, both Bart and Jaime have different feelings about the city. While Jaime is happy to show Bart more high-quality authentic Mexican food. It's just different than what he's used to back home.
Bart is just like hot boyfriend + good food = heaven.
While Bart is somewhat more tolerant of the cold. When it gets to be less than 70° (or 21° for my non-us readers) Jaime busts out the heavy jackets. Bart wanted to go to the beach one day when it was that temperature and Jaime said abso-freaking-loutely-not.
Jaime really cares about his family a lot and anything he gets extra in terms of money from his hero work he sends either to his parents or his Abuela in Mexico City. Hence why if Bart is paying for the date, he's going all-out. If Jaime is paying, they're probably getting food door dashed, watching a movie, and doing the do.
When Bart begins to annoy Jaime, Jaime will casually bring up how hot Nightwing and Superboy are. This always makes Bart super jealous but quiets him down. When Jaime takes it too far and Bart begins to sulk Jaime will turn around plant lots of kisses on Jaime. Perks him up every time.
Jaime has mild depression in my HC. So one day when Jaime couldn't find the strength to rouse himself from bed, Khaji Da just took over. Khaji went to the kitchen, made some eggs and toast and poured some juice. And just ate all while looking silent and soulless.
When Bart realized what was going on, Khaji had told Bart it was to ensure Jaime doesn't starve and that Jaime doesn't have the strength to function for some reason. So Khaji is in control. "I do not seek to harm you, Bart Allen. I merely seek to ensure that my host, Jaime Reyes, has enough nutrients and energy to keep myself and him alive and functioning at an optimum level."
Bart hearing Khaji say that using Jaime's voice scared the crap out of him. But he knew Khaji was telling him the truth. This doesn't stop Bart from shaking Jaime and yelling Khaji to let him back out.
"Bart Allen, my host does love you. Very much so. I believe humans have a term called a 'soul mate'. Jaime Reyes sees you as such. But Jaime Reyes has a chemical imbalance in his brain. And he cannot care for himself at this time. I am merely stepping in to assist."
Bart just breaks down and cries. He doesn't cry as much as Jaime, but when he does he really truly means it. It's at that point Jaime broke through and took back over. Jaime was not thrilled with Khaji at all for admitting all of his feelings and for taking over. However Jaime was just happy to know Khaji's response was to try to comfort Bart.. in his own way.
I know I said Jaime has a caffeine sensitivity in my last HC. He's working on it! By the time outsiders became a thing Jaime can do exactly one tall Starbucks coffee with LOTS of cream and sugar. But he has to have it hot. He has to take it slow. Meanwhile, Bart guzzles more coffee than Tim and that's no joke.
Nine times out of ten Jaime's the big spoon. Although usually, they sleep/nap holding each other with Bart laying his head on Jaime's chest (Jaime has a very defined and strong chest)
Despite Jaime's religious dental practices, Jaime has the worse morning breath of the two and Bart teases Jaime constantly for it.
Jaime has a very hard time dealing with what happens in Bart's future. It takes a long while for them to feel comfortable being intimate with each other while fully naked.
They are very quiet about it and will deny it vehimently, but all of the Bats are HUGE Bluepulse shippers. Jaime confides in Dick all of the time and ocassionally even Bruce will give his two cents. While Tim helps Bart with confidence and being a little bit more calm around Jaime.
Despite popular belief, Bart is a much dancer than Jaime. Jaime just never bothered learning how to dance and would rather sing or play guitar than dance.
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This request is similar to another you did, and somewhat relevant based on your post this morning about being anxious, also no need to rush. How would the guys handle an s/o who's anxiety and depression leaves them exhausted? They still get all their work/studying/chores done but they're torn between being frustrated they can't do more and also just wanting to say "screw being responsible, I'm going to nap for the next week." Because let's be real, there's always more that needs to be done.
Leo
“that’ll fucking do” you mutter under your breath as you save the document and close your laptop
you rub your temples and close your eyes
you’re just so fucking tired, and the not the type that sleep can fix
“you push yourself too hard, you know” comes Leo’s voice from the doorway
you explain that there’s always more you could do and you’re hanging on by a thread
“listen to me very carefully, everyone has limits and you push past them and you’ll break yourself. Now get your butt into bed, I’ll finish up anything else that needs to be done”
you feel guilty but it’s best to listen to him when he puts his foot down like that
you go off to bed and he calls from behind you
“and no moping or feeling guilty either! this relationship is a team effort and I’m just doing my part to take care of you!”
Raph
You had been on the move all day
work, cooking, cleaning, studying...
you felt like utter crap
living with high functioning anxiety and depression just leaves you exhausted after the most basic of tasks
and Raph can see it in you
he had stood by you all day to get stuff done, just trying to contribute and make you feel less alone
until you rest your head in your hands and say “fuck, I can’t do this anymore”
“you say that at least 5 times a day, sweetheart. You can do this”
you explain that today is different. Today you can’t do this
so he offers you one of his better pieces of advice
“So don’t do it...” the statement kind of lingers in the air between you two for a moment
“no ones going to judge you for having had enough, babe”
so that decides it. it’s time to rest for a while
Mikey
You’d been hard at work for seemingly forever
writing away when you just feel it
that twinge of “this is hopeless” radiating up from your core
and tears come to your eyes
“no no no, not crying. Not today!”
he scoops you up in his arms and demands to know what’s wrong
“there’s just always more to be done, Mikey. Nothing is ever enough and I’m so tired” you choke out that last part
“baby..” he begins
then he decides maybe it’s better to just hold you for a while
you rest your head on his shoulder, still crying a little
he shushes you and strokes your hair until you fall asleep on him
you wake up and he’s carried you to bed and is finishing a few chores that you’ve got on your to-do-list for tomorrow
Donnie
It’s been a long, hard day
you get back tot he lair and flop down on the sofa
“ah, good, you’re resting” Donnie comes in
“not for long, always gotta do more” you reply
he gives you a concerned look and sits down next to you
“Look, I hate to see you doing this to yourself. sometimes the best thing you can do is admit that you need to stop”
you explain that you don’t know how, that if you stop then what if you never start again and you just become some lazy, do-nothing-all-day girl who never gets out of bed because she’s too tired
he chuckles at that
“well, if that ever happens, I’ll be there to deal with it. But, until then, please get some rest. I’m begging now”
his tone is too sweet for you to ignore him
so you decide that maybe a 30 minute nap won’t kill you...
#unmotivated#unmotivated s/o#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles x reader#tmnt x reader#teenage mutant ninja turtles imagine#tmnt imagine#tmnt donnie#tmnt raph#tmnt leo#tmnt mikey
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Happy Together
Pairing: Female V/Gustavo Orta
Characters: Fem V, Gustavo Orta, Johnny Silverhand.
Tags: Angst/Hurt, Comfort, depression, loss, death, grief/mourning, Johnny is a sweetheart deep down, best friends.
Summary: Cherry shows a piece of her past to Johnny, opening up old wounds in the process. Johnny shows his soft side even if it's only for a little while (this is NOT canon to Cherry's story just a little AU)
The drive up to The Columbarium is always a tough one. On typical sad days it always rains but this time the blistering heat of the sun makes Cherry's skin melt and stick to the leather of her car seat. The mumbling of the radio a pleasant distraction as the looming dread of those tall pillars comes into view.
"The fuck are we doing here?" Johnny glitches into existence in the backseat making the woman jump.
"Just paying a visit, why are you back there anyway"
Johnny leans over, pointing to the flowers resting in the passenger seat.
"Don't wanna sit on em"
"Well look at you being thoughtful for once" Cherry scoffs
"I know better than to disrespect the dead, you know me better than that" he declares as the car rolls to a stop. Her hands grip hard to the steering wheel.
"You can stay in the car Johnny I know this shit isn't your thing"
"You're obviously here to see someone I'm not stupid, you need me and I'm here, always. You know that"
Who knew this parasite that wormed his way into her head had a heart, even if he's slowly killing her, Johnny is.. something else. There's no romantic attachment but the idea of being alone, no Johnny to wake up to, his snarky comments or the fact he's always there when she needs him. All alone. That made a pit swill in her stomach. She knows at the end of the day it's either him or her but as the days pass by it's getting harder to make that fucking decision.
"Thank you Johnny, really. I would" she pauses "I really need you"
"Anytime kid" he then flicks out of existence with a smile.
Her lips itch for a cigarette as the anxiety builds in her stomach, anything to taste the burn of nicotine on her tongue as it fills her lungs full of cancer and satisfaction.
Peeling herself out of the car still fighting the urge for a smoke. Flowers in one hand anger in the other, she walks up the stairs, her heels clicking on the spotless tiles. The silence is deafening, feels like the whole world is zoomed in on her like this is some game. Such a fucking funny game.
She grips the flowers hard as the faint sound of crying comes into earshot. She rushes by quickly ignoring the tears already burning in the back of her eyes, rounding a corner the crying dies down as her destination comes into view. Biting her lip hard she stands face to wall.
"Hey Gustavo, I missed you" her lips twitch.
Gustavo Orta, the man you always could rely on. Rest in peace.
She sits crossed legs facing the blue plaque. A lonely pot of wilting flowers lean against the wall along with half melted candles, she reaches out and touches the petals gently. Dry but soft.
"I'm sorry the heat got to you so badly, Gustavo would flip if he saw this" she chuckles through the pain as she collects the water jug next to the pot and watches the water slowly trickle down the flower into the soil.
She sets the new flowers next to old, the comparison between the two is too hard to ignore. One discoloured, brittle, starved the other fresh, lively, perky. It reminds her of herself in a way.
"Who's this?" Johnny squats into view pointing at the wall "brother, friend, boyfriend?"
"Husband actually" she looks at Johnny with a small smile and also a little humoured seeing him so taken back.
"You? Married? You don't look like the marrying type Isabella wait sorry Cherry"
"No, call me Isabella please" she corrects him.
Silence falls between the two, it's awkward the kind of tense that you wish something would happen to break the ice.
"How'd he, you know, don't have to tell me like" he moves into a side sitting position.
"Some Merc zeroed him, had a hit on his head because of a rumour of all things. Saw him with a girl of the opposite family, dad got jealous and tried to have him killed but she got the bullet instead so they sent in a reliable Merc. Grabbed him when he was alone and yea. Had to go identify the body they fucked him up so bad. Not the way you wanna remember your husband's face" she falls silent as the tears threaten to break free.
"Shit, I'm sorry kid I know this sorta stuff I hard to go through, lost someone special to me too so you're not alone"
"Doesn't get easier does it?"
He replies to her question with a sorrowful head shake.
"I thought as much, he would've liked you, he had a thing for assholes with a soft center" she laughs as her head rests on his shoulder. He smelled like cigarettes with a mix of sweat and cologne.
"Of course he would've what's not to like about me, everyone warms up to eventually even you" he huffs out as laugh when she jabs his side.
"Wanna smoke?" She looks up at him, his eyes glued to the wall with an unreadable expression.
"Light em up, I'm itching for one. I can feel your eagerness too" she shuffles in her jacket pocket feeling the paper of the cigarette dancing across her knuckles.
Man did it feel good to have that burn in her lungs again, the sweet dull taste washing over her tongue like a tsunami. She remembers how Gustavo's lips used to taste. A kiss so hypnotic it drove her crazy. Soft dreamy hair she ran her fingers through every morning, his gentle touch that made her blush and squirm in all the right ways. She's a complicated woman with two sides. One reserved, hidden away the other outgoing, bubbly and loyal and it made her feel exposed the way he'd crack open her personality and see a side only he got to see.
"So tell me about him, what was he like as a husband?" his hand gently runs up and down her back.
"The best, the fact he had to run a whole gang under his belt but never raised his voice or his hand to me or anyone close to him, sure he got irritated, work got him down and he may have snapped at his members sometimes but he was always smiling and laughing while having that charming sarcastic personality. He was..the best I could've asked for" the tears break through the barriers and run down her cheeks. Dripping on her hands.
"Hey, no tears. We'll get the guy who killed your husband alright? He took something away from you, something important and yea we may have hated each other's guts at one point but Arasaka can wait. You're more important right now" his arm pulls her into his chest gently
"I've got you kid, it's okay. I'm here" he says soothingly as her hands grip onto his tank top. His chest is the perfect pillow to bury her face in and just let it all out. His arms wrap around her body tightly, covering her with his body.
"Thank you Johnny out of all the people's heads you could've infected I'm glad it was mine" she laughs while she wipes her tears away.
"You're welcome sweetheart, you owe me a new tank top though, got your snot n' tears all over me"
"Yea I um maybe blew my nose on you while I was there" she bats her eyelashes at him in a puppy like fashion
"Disgusting, you're not crying on me ever again" he wipes at his shirt with a annoyed look in his eyes
"Fine, I'll just do it again when you're not looking. Now" she stands and stretches with a yawn "let's get the fuck out of here, I've let all my sad bitch out for the day"
"I'm gonna nap in the car, think I earned it after all that" he glitches next to her with a smirk
"Okay. Deal. Now get your ass in the car before I change my mind"
"Will do princess" he salutes as he fades back into nothingness.
She quickly bends down, kissing her fingers and pressing it against the plaque. Saying goodbye will always make the hole of loneliness in her heart grow, threatening to swallow her whole but she's got shit to do.
"Sleep well baby, I'll be seeing you soon" she whispers, walking away from The Columbarium once again, Like history on a never-ending painful loop. Stay strong tomorrow is a new day.
End notes: thank you sm for reading my sad bitch shit. I promise next one is gonna be a lot happier and fluffier :3
#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk#female v#fanfiction#mine#Gustavo Orta#spotify#comfort#deprssion#loss#angst#best friends#Fem V/Gustavo Orta
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