#do they even have souls? Do the deities know the answers to any of these questions?

[aquietweirdo]

This is just me rambling and I haven’t seen the Laudna, Orym, Ashton episodes yet. Just been thinking about the gods.

Do you think the gods get scared? When a child is scared they have their parents to protect them. When an adult is scared or fallen on hard times they might cling to their faith for a source of comfort. But who do the gods have to protect them? The gods in Exandria are immensely powerful so they probably don’t run into this issue often. They’ve always been at the top of the food chain. For the longest time their strongest enemies were each other. But because of Ludinus both the prime deities and the betrayer gods are at risk. Idk which would be more terrifying. Realizing you have no one to protect you? Or relying on the fragile beings that you’ve protected to now protect you in turn?

Spoilers for campaign 1 and calamity but how do the gods feel about ascension? From campaign 1 and calamity we can assume that most if not all the gods hate the idea of mortals ascending to godhood. But the only type of ascension we’ve heard of involves a person taking the place of a god and totally erasing the previous one from existence. If there was a way for mortals to ascend to godhood without killing any of the existing gods do you think any of them would welcome it?

Godhood must be an isolating experience. There were roughly 20ish gods, not counting the ones who ascended to their position. Imagine if in this vast world there were only 20 people. Imagine if half of those people hated you and the other half you rarely interacted with at all. I’m sure that the kinder gods “love” their creations the same way someone might love their pet or their newborn child. But how much can you really relate to an animal or a baby? Could there ever be true understanding and connection between a god and a mortal?

The gods in Exandria are far more human then we give them credit for. I’d like to see more of it. Are they really as otherworldly as they present themselves? If they knew about the destruction that would befall them and their creations would they have done anything different?

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

The 12th Houses - The Divine Naturalist.

Knowledge is power, and what most 12th housers understand is that power is infinite, and the knowledge that we seek comes from within. The 12th house is filled with divine experiences, making the person with this placement see things from a higher perspective. Something that most can never find for themselves, its truly a mystery here.

Sun in the 12th house : Impractical knowledge, things that don't make sense on a psychical matter making sense more in the imagination. Artistic souls who's only purpose is to share what the divine has given them since birth. Angels of light who go into the darkness for some time to receive an answer. Could have issues with family and friends because they can be too floaty for them sometimes. Always floating with the wind, always going nowhere but somewhere. They may not know everything, but they know the importance of being in the moment.

Moon in the 12th house: Connecting to a higher purpose, these people could be the seers of our generation. Having mercy for every little thing, every person, every plant, animal... etc. They have the compassionate nature of a deity. Some may even believe they are quite delusional with the way that they put their all into others, even excusing the behavior of some becomes we all have been there. All in all, they have an expression to them that attracts any and anybody to them, their love is unmatched.

Mercury in the 12th house: Intricate minds, very solitary individuals. Like to live alone and be isolated at times. You may not understand them from time to time, but it does not matter to them. Their mind has more than a million channels, and they operate into all of them. I feel as though these placements need time alone due to their mind always being on constant overdrive. I guess it's safe to say they could be their own book that is more than 300 pages. They have the tendency to know more than what they let on, due to the source within them giving them an explicit amount of knowledge all of the time.

Venus in the 12th house : Beautiful souls with a tendency to love deeper than what most can define. No one can truly match the depths of these beautiful minds, who's love wishes to touch the stars to be closer to the divine. Their love life can be tempting with allure, but their bodies can feel the uproar of something being close to home. Their not for everyone, and the way their love life is set up.. it can have them questioning why the Universe put them in certain situations. Could it be that they must go against the grain? Love will make you do crazy things, and they learn a lot about this everyday

Mars in the 12th house : Their psychic senses are always tingling. The power they are looking for is deep into the subconscious. I feel as if they are always fighting for themselves to pick up their weight while society pushes them to the side often.. They know exactly what they want, and as it is capable they have to sure work for it. Because even if its not in the present, it is somewhere in the future. Because if you can see it in your mind, you can bring it into fruition. Mars in the 12th house makes a difference because as they transform the mind, they transform themselves. It's like seeing a totally new person, because they looked into the heart to find what they need to change to be the person they have always wanted to become. They always knew they could do it if they were to try.

Jupiter in the 12th house - They have a powerful connection to the ancestors, their spirit guides and the universe overall. They see things in a much more profound way than people let on. You might think their crazy, but baby let me tell you they are in 2050 while everyone is stuck in 2024! They have the tendency to know things by either looking it up or solving the clue on their own. Potentially they can lose their own minds because the world is farther behind, not being able to grasp the knowledge of everyday life even when its being practically handed to us. At some point, they tend to hide what they know and shares it with a familiar group, ones that knows the type of people they are and want to learn more of the fruits of nature that the Gods have given us. Ask your jupiter 12th house frined what is something out of this world that they know and watch your entire idea of life change in one sitting.

Saturn in the 12th house - Spiritual connections come in very interesting ways for this group. They naturally run with authority, they just don't see it yet. They have an understanding that things take time. And although they may not get it now, when they are much older they will see that everything was planned the way it was supose to be, and not the way they wanted it to be. They have the gift of seers from many moons ago, and they have the direction and path lined up for them by their ancestors and spirit team. They just need to know which lane to pick. Let go of control if you have this placement, you have no idea where things could lead.

Pluto in the 12th house - In a deep dark pool of webs, you will find the most intriguing persons here. They know so much about the darkness, it may shock you. Since they were a child, they have had a lot of psychic experiences. And as they grew, this could have surprised so many others to the point that the 12th houser has rejected their role in being all knowing. With this placement, they have to go against the grain. Looking within the psyche to accomplish what most never see coming, and it's to have full control cover their consciousness. They have integrity enough to keep going, even when things are bouncing out the wall. But they never give up on themselves, there is always room for self-transformation.

Neptune in the 12th house - Creators, Muses, Great thinkers. Very in control of their inner world, its just that others may give them a hard time. They are always on cloud nine. Very patient with themselves because the world tells them to speed up. Can be super creative when you lock them in a room by themselves. They will take you into a museum that connects to their soul, you'd want to know more about them the longer you stay with them. To have this placement is to know that there is something much bigger than ourselves out there. They live a life full of inspiration.

Uranus in the 12th house - Unique individuals who take the time to create inventions far past their peers level of thinking, and I mean that gracefully. They have the capacity to see beyond what the world sees at such a young age. The universe connects them to the akashic records of information so that they can be ahead of time. Can fulfill a leadership role if they find themselves in a predicament where others won't take the lead, they'll have you thinking about things in a totally different way. Can be seen as the crazy-heads of the world but they aren't so crazy once you get to know them. Have mercy on them, they have so many ideas, philosophies and knowledge tied into their tiny brains it will almost make anyone seem insane. Just enjoy the rollercoaster that their brains make us feel, its a ride of your life.

I hope you all enjoy !

[astra-ravana]

Must Love Demons

Demon originally meant "spirit replete with wisdom", that is until Christianity gained supremacy and began negatively labeling every spirit or pagan deity as a demon. Today it still  conjures images of horror movie monsters and torturous possessions. When I tell others that I choose to work with demons, even other witches, I am met with everything from concern to disgust to morbid curiosity. But, I'd like to take a moment to clear up some misconceptions and ease fears regarding these brilliant and misunderstood spirits.

First off, what makes a spirit a demon? Well, as it turns out, lots of things can qualify you as demon. Many of the demons of the goetia started their spiritual reverence as pagan gods, then were disgraced by early Christians for going against their god by simply existing. Most of these beings are very complex in nature, but not evil as rumors would claim. Here's some things angels, spirits, and deities did to gain demon status:

• Knowing astrology/astronomy

• Being one with nature

• Taking back stolen books

• Falling in love with a human

• Helping spirits connect with mortals

• Being a "beast"

• Being a woman and refusing to submit to a man

• Connecting with/assisting the dead

• Doing magick

• Teaching magick to mortals

• Divination

• Having horns

• Being part animal

• Having too much confidence

• Inspiring love

• Teaching people science

• Being a strong goddess figure

• By doing nothing at all

So, would you be considered a demon? I know I sure would. As you can see the criteria by which a spirit is designated a demon is incredibly broad. Most demons mean no harm and conversely, have a wealth of knowledge to share with worthy mortals. These spirits are as diverse as human souls, having preferences, flaws, habits, different areas of expertise, personalities, and emotions. Some of them lived lives as human beings and/or were worshipped as deities.

When you begin researching demons you'll discover that this label encompasses a large, intricate pantheon of spirits, each with their own domains and abilities. Chances are, there's a demon out there who would resonate with you.

When I first started my demonic journey I was answering the call of a spirit that had been reaching out to me in my dreams since childhood. He was patient, however, and when I finally was brave enough to reach back he was overjoyed. This was the demon king of Hell, Paimon. I had never had such clear communication with a spirit and at times I forgot we were on different plains of existence. I had never had a spiritual connection with anything, not like this. Soon I began introducing myself to other spirits. I identified a demon that had protected me my whole life, befriended another, reached out to one to ask for knowledge, and my circle grew. Today I work with dozens of demon spirits and still find them to be the most relatable, loyal, understanding, and patient entities to work with.

I guess the moral is not to judge a book by its cover. I mean we know by now, being condemned by the church means very little in the realms of morality and actual goodness. As witches, our history with the church has a lot of common ground with demons. It's only natural we work together. I hope this maybe makes some reconsider any prejudices they may have towards these spirits. They are individuals, like us, chaotic, charming, loving, angry, divine, wise, and very real. They can bolster your spiritual growth and magick, gift you knowledge, and be a friend too. Can you learn to love a demon? It might just be worth finding out.

[vagabond-umlaut]

it's easy to ferry souls, not carry them

deep down in the realm of the netherworlds, there exists a rower who transports deceased souls from the land of living to the land of dead-

and occasionally lends an ear and a hand, in the event of yet another collision between their weary queen and her just as cheery suitor...

[uraume deserves a raise.]

▸gojo satoru x fem!reader; the tale of kore!gojo & hades!reader w a guest appearance by charon!uraume; uraume is a very nice parental figure to you [ooc!uraume but ehh]; the reader is honestly so sweet and hot-tempered...; the cutest doggy cerberus too is there!!!!; gojo satoru must be his own warning...; uraume does not like gojo [no parent [blood-related or not] actually wld]; fire hazards; 2k wc

▸ i've nvr read percy jackson and wtv i wrote here is based on my shaky knowledge of greek myths and stuff 😁😁 anyways, this header's from pinterest, these dividers are by @benkeibear and the characters used ain't mine. pls do not plagiarize, translate or repost this. enjoy reading! ❤️

▸ belongs to series 'wreaths of asphodel' – same universe as the work 'hey, where is the pomegranate tree?' — but you can treat this as a stand-alone fic if you wanna!

"why is kore so set on marrying me, uraume?"

it isn't the ask itself which causes the rower to nearly lose grip of their oar– but the way it is spoken: soft, solemn and faintly tense. they look away from the endless expanse of the styx before, to find you staring at your reflection in the inky waters, features unnaturally crumpled.

uraume holds back a frown. "has her majesty considered asking the god the same?"

"i have asked him," you mumble, "but i did not receive any conclusive answer in return. the imp was being too vague– must be a trait learnt from those shifty nymphs always sticking to his side."

if your faithful follower detects anything except dislike in your words, they make no mention of it. merely humming as they continue to row the boat, "and may this servant know the question her majesty asked the god?"

"two," you mumble even more clumsily now; they take a beat to grasp it, too concerned by the way you drape yourself over the edge, nearly falling into the water as you say, "i asked him two questions— one, if he loves me; two, if he wants to have children should we get married."

shock must not be uraume's first reaction to these queries, yet it is— and for a moment, it isn't you sitting there anymore.

instead, it is a little girl, no older than seven or eight years, cherubic face fixed in a look of deep concentration and fascination while the rower narrates to her stories from times millennia ago–

only for the child to morph into a young lady– no, goddess– the very next beat... slouched under a regal cloak too heavy for her shoulders, under a royal crown too large for her head... that sweet innocence of childhood nothing but traces now, having been withered by the foul, dirty politics of those damned deities high up on that mountain—

"what answers did the olympian offer her majesty?"

"he said he would love me and sire my children if that is what i want— i asked if he wished anything out of our union— he said all he wanted is to be my husband–"

something between a frustrated sigh and an exhausted scoff erupts from you, becoming an opaque fog the moment it hits the frigid air of the underworld. uraume plucks the oar out the water to come sit next to you, letting the boat be driven by magic.

"you're worried," they state, forgoing all formalities in favour of giving you some much-needed comfort. you never much cared for stations anyways, quite unlike your elder brother, the former king.

"an unfamiliar friend poses more risk than a familiar enemy, uraume," you mutter, resting your head on their shoulder, "why do you think kore wishes to marry me so much, if not out of love or the prospect of the powerful offsprings we might beget?"

"marriage is not solely for love or for procreation," the rower starts to explain, mildly amused before it grows into sympathy at your baffled expression.

ah, they muse fondly, not unlike a parent watching their child witness the world seemingly the first time ever since they learnt to walk, you who presides over something as profound as death yet knows not of the trivialities of life...

"it can also be for many other reasons like–"

the remainder of the words skitter away from uraume— cerberus is playing with gojo.

the fierce guard of the netherworlds, the three-headed hound, loyal and dutiful to a fault: hades' dearest canine companion is frolicking with the god of life in a green meadow, that most certainly was not there so close to the stygian marsh, when they last—

"gojo is laughing," your remark draws them away from their musings, only to find a changed shadow over your countenance— pensive yet not thinking at all; almost as if you too are floating in the stale air of your kingdom akin the soft flower petals...

another ring of raucous laughter pierces the silence, mingled with a delighted series of barks— cerberus is busy licking gojo's face now, the olympian reduced to a puddle of giggles as he scratches behind the dog's ears.

his happiness so clear in the stretch of his grin and the crinkle of his eyes, very much the jarring contrast to the last time—

oh. oh, oh, oh–

"escape," the word leaves uraume in a sudden moment of realisation, as quiet as a breath but loud enough for you to whip your head back to face them, confusion engraved into your scowl. "escape?? what is that supposed to mean, eh?"

the rower feels their lips lift into an infrequent smile. "the god of life wishes to marry you to escape— from his mother, or from his many suitors, or perhaps from mount olympus itself."

"wha– how– hah," you breathe out a disbelieving little huff, "that is simply ridiculous. have you even heard yourself? that is ridiculous."

used to such resistance from yourself, even more from your brother, they move to state their points, only to beaten by you as you persist to speak.

"no one in their right mind will decide to come live in the underworld, no matter how overbearing their mother or insistent their suitors are. have you seen this place? it's too, too unlike the lushness of the earth or the grandeur of the heavens he has experienced. and–" you add, a harsh laugh accompanying it. "gojo satoru is a god. a fish might leave the water— but a god never steps a voluntary foot down that horrible mountain. never."

"but the olympian never truly lived on mount olympus," uraume says once they're sure you've completed your tirade, "and you are a goddess as well. why do you speak so ill of the heavens then?"

"why?" you echo the word. they nod, hoping you take the bait they've intended for you. you do.

"why, because that place is nothing but a shining apple with a rotten core!! everything is polished marble and glittering gold there. people constantly wave at each other, lavishing smiles and praises like there is no tomorrow. everything is so warm and bright— what a bunch of lies and liars!"

familiar fire burns in your aura, the immense heat making the waters erupt into boiling— uraume uses their powers to cool the river down, lest anything disturbs you.

you're too far gone in your rage to be shaken, however, continuing:

"but it never can hide the grime and dirt accrued beneath such shine and sheen. nor the vicious minds and crooked hearts of those deities up above– what lame excuses of gods and goddesses, hah. and you might think me to prefer the light and warmth up there— you will be sorely wrong, my dear uraume!! i much prefer the genuine darkness and frigidity of my beloved kingdom to the faux comfort of the awful mount olympus—"

"is there no possibility the god of life too despises mount olympus for these same reasons, milady?"

you open your mouth and close it, then open it again to let out a very aggrieved whine– momentarily transporting uraume to your younger days. the rower merely chuckles when you punch their arm lightly.

"you're the worst, uraume," you cry, getting up and moving to sit on the other end of the boat. the rower too rises but only to resume rowing the boat by the oar.

"you never spoke this way when sukuna was the ruler— only because his baby sister is the ruler now, and you think she is very stupid—"

"as much as i respect and revere lord sukuna, he wasn't one to listen to anyone else," uraume interrupts gently, "you do, though– which is why i spent so much time telling you this. i hope you did not mind."

"hey, no," you immediately wave away their concern with a wide grin, eliciting a smaller one from the latter, "i could never..."

another peal of laughter and barks rings through the otherwise-quiet. you abruptly trail off, the same conflicting expression from before on your face yet again. though not without a spark in your eyes, uraume notes, almost as if you're slowly learning how to solve the puzzle who is repeatedly offering himself to you.

uraume keeps the silence you initiate, choosing to row the boat while you keep staring at the assortment of hues near the stygian marsh...

until you call their name and declare, an odd firmness in your smile, "well then, it is decided. i shall allow gojo to stay here for as long as the god so wishes to, escaping whatever or whoever he is escaping. and i shall protect him from the latter, should it ever come for him."

a beat. your smile falls into something graver. "would it be better if i swore by the dread water of styx, uraume?"

"uh, um," the rower finds themselves at a loss of words, the first time in seemingly forever, and they have been around since titanomachy– but before they can recover themselves enough to formulate a proper reply, a giggly voice joins in—

"well, if my rose does that, i would consider myself the most blessed amongst all mortals and immortals!"

— and the waters surrounding the boat shoot upwards in a scathing geyser-like jet and steam— the ferocious queen of the netherworlds visibly torn between remorse and terror, as they offer uraume a stiff nod and gojo a horrified look, before vanishing in a wisp of fog.

the boiling waters of the river styx calm down only after a twenty-minute-long struggle by uraume, joined at the very end by gojo.

the latter looks positively delighted, when the former collapses to the bottom of the boat, exhausted beyond belief. "hey, charon. was that a result of your queen getting flustered by me, huh?"

yes, it was. it very much was, the sentences nearly slip past the tired rower's crumbling defences... until it hits them– who they serve, and who they don't.

uraume decides to throw back a glare and a lie. "her majesty was not flustered, lord kore. she was enraged at how you invaded the privacy of her weekly boat ride, intended to make her relax."

"oh, puh-lease," the god makes a face. the rower is certain he would have been punished in the pits of tartarus for all eternity, then some more were he to pursue you this way during your brother's reign, let alone disrespect you thus.

ignorant and insolent, he continues, "in few days time, i'll be allowed into the privacy of her living quarters; what is the privacy of her boat th—"

"you're lucky you did not make such outrageous remarks in front of the queen," uraume cuts him off, none too kindly nor gently, "if you did, her majesty would have certainly burnt you along with the boat to a crisp–"

"i know," comes the defeated reply within the instant. and while gojo is still not in uraume's good graces, the latter decides to notch him a level higher, considering the god of life accepts their queen's powers.

not many do.

he strikes a pathetically pitiful figure, uraume reckons, seeing him sit then slouch on the bench. "was she serious when she said she would protect me?"

your loyal subject nods, certain and solemn. "yes, she was. the queen is never careless when it comes to making promises."

"oh, that's reassuring," gojo says quietly— only to recline even further in the very next beat– an anguished, grating wail tearing from him to the stifling silence looming near the stygian marsh. uraume wonders if it is worth it to steer the boat towards acheron... then push him into its waters of woe...

they decide against it on catching the desperation worn by the god.

for all it is, it might nothing more than a ploy. yet something tugs at their mind to pause and listen when gojo howls, "why does my rose always scurry away after tilting my world on its axis? why does your queen always torment me like this, charon?"

uraume stares pensively at their face in the sacred waters of styx for a while. then heaves a mighty sigh.

certain, this exchange between the goddess of the dead and the god of life will impact not only your and gojo's respective worlds— but the general world and everyone else in it, as well.

did you know, in the actual greek myths, persephone was never called so before her marriage to hades? she got it only after, w the name meaning "bringer of death". her initial name was kore, referring to her being a maiden & the spring goddess.

the river styx was called the "dread river of oath" by homer– in both the iliad and the odyssey [greek epic poems], swearing by its waters is the "greatest and most dread oath for the blessed gods" -> this shows how serious the reader is towards ensuring gojo's safety and freedom, and how deeply this affects gojo as well [source: wiki 😇]

also: the reader is totally ready to jump into the water to swim away when she realises gojo was listening in on her conversations- but then she remembers she can js vanish away and so she does js tht— the queen of the underworld, and of escaping, hehe

also also: the reader is slightly jealous when she is talking of the shifty nymphs always sticking to gojo's side. [uraume identifies it; you think it is js your usual dislike to such frivolous things and ppl as flowers and nymphs etc.] [hades is emo imho 😊]

▸ masterlist

[mareastrorum]

I’m still chewing on why Matt chose the Arch Heart for this encounter, and I think it really was needed.

In Downfall, the Arch Heart was the only PC god to express an interest in just letting Aeor destroy all the gods. None of their siblings agreed with them. Every time the issue of the gods dying was brought up, they pushed, “Is it really so bad?” But when the moment came to let Aeorian arch mages destroy a god or redirect the weapon, the Arch Heart destroyed Aeor to save the god. They didn’t even know which one it was. They made a choice in a split second, preserved the soul of one of the arch mages in their own domain, and then eventually decided that they like living.

Of all the gods, Matt chose to arrange for a meeting between the PCs and the Arch Heart. Here’s the Prime Deity that chose the gods over mortals. Here’s the one that killed every Aeorian for simply knowing how to kill a god, even the children, even the poor, even the sick. The Arch Heart doesn’t want to die anymore. They even want Predathos loose so that they and their siblings have a reason to leave Exandria. You can have your freedom. More people will die, we don’t know how many, but hey, the Arch Heart thinks that’s fine. The PCs got a divine stamp of approval to destroy the power structure of the entire system of planes. Go get ‘er done.

It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t fix problems.

There is no answer that would feel good, feel right, or fix this situation. People will die no matter what the PCs choose. The only “safe” choice—the only way to prevent additional risk—is the status quo, which requires stopping the Vanguard, keeping Predathos contained, and letting the gods live beyond the Divine Gate.

And that’s exactly how power struggles work in the real world. It’s gross. It’s unfair. It’s demoralizing.

But PCs have to choose, and if they refuse to make a decision, it will be made for them. This time, instead of the Arch Heart, it might be Ludinus, or Liliana, or the Weave Mind, or the Unseelie, or any other power players waiting in the wings to grab power.

There is no right way to rule the world. That’s why the only entities vying for it are people who fervently want to destroy.

So here is the Arch Heart, the god that said one thing and did another, who made a choice and never regretted or apologized for it even when it contradicted everything they had said leading up to that point, looking at PCs directly, talking to them like a person, and they say, hey, if you choose this horrifically destructive and unknown path, that’s cool with me. I chose the status quo, and here’s the final victim of mine, who I preserved here for centuries, and now you can have her ring. That was my choice, but if you don’t want to do the same, that’s okay. In fact, I think that’d be great.

But you have to choose.

[bloop-bl00p]

Re-imagining the Extermination

TW: There’s like one image I could consider disturbing and such

Remember when back in the day before the series aired how the Exorcists were so hyped? They were this unavoidable threat looming over the heads of the characters, a reminder that if Charlie doesn't succeed in redemption, all of these characters will have to go years and years preparing themselves for a massacre and inevitably die a second time.

Then when we get to see them in the show a bit earlier than expected here how they act…

Maybe I hyped them too much.. I expected them to be fierce soldiers led by Michael or something.

The thing is, we don’t know what are the Exorcists yet, Adam said he named Vaggie (and probably the rest of the girls) but she’s still Salvadoran, which is really confusing. Hopefully, we’ll get more answers, my personal guess is that Viv is going to go with fan theories that they are humans. That can be interesting but if they are that doesn't explain why they thought themselves invincible.

I created something completely different, basing myself on multiple religious texts as always, I intend to make more posts about my rewrite of characters I drastically changed, and possibly one about Heaven. It’s gonna be long because I crammed a lot of information.

I. Why kill sinners?

Souls are powers, the more it sins, the stronger the 7 Deadly Sins get.

Hell started traditionally as a pit of fire and desolation, when The Seven Sins discovered they could get stronger through the humans, they completely reshaped Hell’s society and influenced Earth with the help of Hellborns.

Mammon is pretty much the reason why we live in a capitalistic society, as Greed is at the center of almost everything (The love for money is described as be Root of All Evil in the Bible.) So his influence on Earth was mirrored to create the Hellaverse we all know.

In Hell, Hellborns, rather than physically torture the Sinners, tempt and trap them in toxic lifestyles. Back in the day, Sinners could have access to the other Rings and indulge in a wide range of vices. Heaven noticed it and reacted immediately to prevent Lucifer’s rise in power and avoid a potential war. They came up with the Extermination and wisely decided to set this up at a very specific time.

You see, around the 16th century Lilith was expecting and she reached her 5 months of pregnancy for the first time in 6000 years. She was cursed by God after fleeing Eden, and all of her pregnancies usually end in miscarriage. Furthermore, she suffered ten times harder than any other woman.

So that's when they forced Lucifer to comply with their deals. He didn't want his wife to be in the middle of a war so he accepted. The deal essentially was that Angels could come to his kingdom once a year to kill as many people as possible, but if they dared to attack a Blue Blood he would bite back.

To diminish the amount of destruction that would be caused by the Exorcists all Sinners are confined to the Pride Ring as they are the main targets. But between us, if you’re a Hellborn and find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time you’re dead.

Royalties are the only ones spared from the massacre, they picked a relatively weak type of angel to do the dirty work so the Exorcists aren’t even remotely strong enough to kill one of the 72 Lesser Keys, only lower ranks demons and sinners.

II. The Exorcists

The Watchers:

Over the few angels sent to observe humans' expansion, a considerably large amount of them have been exposed to Lucifer’s deviant ideologies and were inspired to follow The Traitor’s ideal and defy God’s plan. 200 of them put these doctrines into motion and their Heavenly Light got tainted by one sin, Lust.

They fell in love with the women on Earth and shapeshifted to marry those they lusted after, causing the birth of wicked creatures between Celestial beings and humankind, the Nephilim. Their second sin was to reveal forbidden knowledge to be viewed as deities unleashing Chaos and wars between humans (you know when we fight to know which God is stronger/real).

God put an end to this and sent Archangels who banished these 200 Watchers to Hell. To ensure that the rest of humanity wouldn’t be corrupted by their children, God flooded the Earth-saving few humans deemed as virtuous (Noah and his family weren't the only ones.)

The Watchers that remained were ripped off a considerable amount of their powers. They got disfigured to ensure the failure of any tentative seduction, and each of them is kept on a tight leash in Heaven unable to access most parts of Heaven without authorization and supervision.

The Birth of Exorcists:

Misael grew disdain for those of their kind who rebelled against the Lord as their trust and love for the Almighty was endless.

This loyalty permitted them to become the next leader of the Watcher after the betrayal of the former chief. The Watchers, alongside them, grew all bitter toward demons and their sinful siblings, a bitterness that turned into hatred for their peers.

When Misael heard the words of a possible uprising, they proposed an annual extermination as a last resort and a way for the Watchers to pay for the sins of their siblings. Which got accepted.

Few details about Misael:

→ Miseal means normally ‘As God is’ but my thought process was that Misia in Greek means ‘hate’ and they hate demons. I just added the ‘El’ syllabus of God.

→ Their voices are surprisingly soft, a bit like Blue Diamond, it almost make you forget that they are about to slice your throat open. They have this habit of reassuring sinners saying that their suffering is coming to an end.

III. Appearance:

Exorcists are lepers and constantly in pain, they were removed from their ability to shapeshift.

Today Leprosy is curable but before modern medicine, it was considered a divine punishment since they had no treatment. There are instances in the Bible where God punishes people by turning them into a leper.

They usually wear bandages to cover their face and this isn't even near how horrible their condition can get. The entirety of their body is sick and they wear large loose clothes to cover them, below the fabric they are still covered with bandages. The halo is in reference to the Crown of Thorns of Jesus, the Romans put it on his head as a form of humiliation. The Watchers used to have normal haloes but they aren't worthy of it anymore.

They are very much recognizable in Heaven as they are the only ones wearing black, to signify their loss of purity and kinda to represent their mourning for their Fallen siblings and the souls they are taking in Hell.

During the Exterminations, they wear silver masks, and Misael wears a golden one since they are the leader. They withhold close-range weapons as a reminder that they are taking lives.

The sun in the center of their armor is a reference to God (a symbol I created for my story) it’s in reference to the Morningstar trying to overcome the Sun.

I got lazy, I haven’t drawn anything in months, so I’m probably gonna re-draw this. I forgot a few details.

IV. Details

→ Each beginning of Extermination is announced by the sounds of Seven Trumpets playing at the same time.

→ They have to make the death as quick and painless as possible.

→ A list of names and ways of identification such as pictures is given to each of the Exorcists so they know who they should approach with caution. They can die, it may not be common but it’s still a possibility. Usually, they target Overlords as their activities in Hell make people sin more and more.

→ They have no right to kill anyone belonging to the Royalty, they don't have enough powers to. Any demons they encounter on the street however must be killed regardless of their status as hellborn or sinners.

→ They can affect technology, Hell has no natural light source as it’s the only place Gods do not pay attention. During the Exterminations, the electricity is completely shut down, the only source of light is the Heaven portals which disorient the sinners because it’s blinding.

→ Exorcists are killable, but usually when faced with 12-foot soldiers you back away. While they do wear armor that completely covers them if they get hurt somehow, they’ll regenerate unless it’s an angelic steel.

The only part that isn't protected is the base of their wings so with the right weapons you could cut it. Guns are also a possibility but their wings are big enough to be used as a shield (76 feet, I did the math.)

→ It’s rare but some Exorcists lose their weapons when facing sinners who fight back.

[hrefna-the-raven]

Hot as Hades

Masterlist

Words: 2154

Chapter 1 - Call me with a prayer

Summary: You always prayed to Hades and one night, he finally answered your prayers

Warnings: none, just cuteness and love

More and more people assembled for the festivities of Chtonia. Instead of partaking in the customary rituals like the rest, you chose to venture alone into the neighbouring forest. Your ebony peplos gracefully swayed in the gentle evening breeze as you strolled, held together by a sapphire belt that accentuated your form. Clasped tightly in your grasp was an amphora brimming with the finest wine as you navigated through the thick foliage. You had always been somewhat of a solitary soul, finding solace in the company of animals and the natural world rather than in the presence of others. Therefore, it came as no surprise that you would also pay homage to the gods in seclusion, or more specifically, one particular deity. Your steps came to a halt in front of a weathered shrine, a small wooden box housing an intricate statuette of Hades. Since your earliest memories, you had felt an inexplicable pull towards the ruler of the underworld, without understanding why or needing to know. For years, you had frequented this shrine, engaging in conversations with the god. Though he never responded, it mattered not to you; you continued to visit and converse with him nevertheless.

Little did you know that the ruler of the underworld listened to every single one of your prayers. You intruiged him, becoming a pleasant diversion from his daily dealings with the departed. Initially, he was cautious, as no one had ever approached him solely to pray without seeking something in return. Whether it was the resurrection of a loved one or an extension of their own lifespan, prayers were never simple or genuine acts of devotion, at least not for him. That was a luxury that was only granted to the other gods. Of course, he expected the same from you in the beginning, you were only human and mortal after all. However, as years went by, you continued to visit his shrine, offering prayers without any ulterior motives. And until this moment, you had never asked for anything in return, you simply came to talk, and boy, did you have a way of doing so. The jokes you cracked would have made him drop dead laughing, figuratively speaking. While you strolled through the forest, Hades was captivated by your presence, completely engrossed in observing you from the underworld, as Pain and Panic entered the throne room, arguing about who's turn it was to confess their mistake first. Panic suddenly grew silent and nudged Pain, pointing towards Hades, too engrossed in observing you to even notice his minions. Pain let out an amused giggle and stepped forward.

"Your most lugubriousness", he bowed, "are you watching the mortal again?"

Before Hades could respond, Panic interjected, approaching Pain with an impish grin.

"Ah you know the boss got the major hots for her", he could barely contain his smirk, "isn't that right, boss? When are you gonna talk to her? She prays to you for years now."

Hades' hair flaired up and turned a fiery orange before he quickly rushed his hands through, calming the flames until they turned blue again.

"Guys, guys, guys...you know the rules my stupid brother set up", he sighed, "no interaction is permitted until the mortal pleads for a favour."

"But if she does ask something, anything", Pain victoriously pointed his finger up.

"You could appear and talk to her, ask her on a date, boss", Panic finished the idea.

Hades was about to answer when his eyes fell back on you as you kneeled in front of the shrine, holding up the amphora.

"Wouldn't it be far more delightful to share this fine wine with you instead of pouring it to the ground in your name? I'd definitely prefer that", you playfully teased as you removed the cork.

"Boss, she's asking for something! She wants something from you!", exclaimed in a nervous tandem before they blinked and looked around the throne room, "where did he go?"

Just as you were about to pour the wine on the ground, goosebumps formed on your skin and the air around you seemed to shift.

"Baboom. Name is Hades, lord of the dead, hi, howya doin'?", a smooth voice resonated from the dissipating smoke that materialised out of thin air.

As the smoke cleared, a towering, muscular man stood before you, his piercing yellow eyes stared right into your soul. Your gaze trailed over his form, a gasp escaping your lips as you took in his bluish-gray skin and the blue flames crowning his head. Stunned, you found yourself unable to move as the amphora slipped from your grasp but instead of the sound of shattering ceramic, silence met your ears and it levitated toward the god's waiting hands, a mischievous smirk adorning his face as he held it before him.

"My sweet", he winked at you, "it would be shame to throw this on the ground, especially after you mentioned wanting to share it with", he took a few steps closer to you as he leaned down to face you directly, "me."

Hades' smug exterior was the perfectly constructed façade, hiding his crumbling confidence. Question: am I mortified? Answer: yes! What will she say? She will be either afraid or disgusted, either way, this will not work in your favour. He blinked a few times, trying to silence his own thoughts, until he felt your hand on his face. Your fingers trailed up his cheek, brushing against his hair as you observed him with curiosity. But when your fingers got too close to the flames on his head, you quickly pulled them back in pain.

"Ouch", you almost laughed as you licked the burnt fingertips, "one can truly say, you're hot as Hades."

And at that very instant, the mind of the god ceased all function, undergoing a painful shutdown in order to reassess the situation. Throughout the ages, he had revealed himself to countless individuals and witnessed a myriad of reactions, yet not a single mortal had ever responded quite like you did. You just casually not only touched him but also made an admittedly funny joke. Clearing his throat, he snapped his fingers, and in an instant, both of you found yourselves seated on a blanket in the heart of a forest clearing, beneath a breathtakingly clear night sky adorned with shimmering stars. Hades proceeded to pour you a goblet of wine.

"So let's embark on the delightful task of sharing of this finer beverage. What do you mortals fancy these days? Actually, never mind. Don't spoil, I have to try this myself", he remarked as he took a sip from his own chalice.

He hummed at the pleasant taste flodding his mouth, eyes falling shut for a moment as he tried to ignore the rapid beating of his heart in your presence.

"So uhm", you shyly began, peering at him, "how are things in the underworld?"

Great, you mentally scolded yourself, you finally get the chance to talk to your god and this is the best you could come up with?

"Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?"

You couldn't help but chuckle, secretly pondering whether he was simply being polite or if the ruler of the underworld truly shared your sense of humor.

"Come up here and share some wine and jokes with a tiny mortal?", you playfully countered, raising your goblet in invitation.

"Well the dead certainly aren't going anywhere, so what kind of god would I be if I didn't set aside some time from my busy schedule to spend an evening with my most devoted follower?"

You quickly nibbled at your wine, trying to conceal the blush that crept onto your cheeks. The tales circulating about the lord of the underworld were plentiful, none of them portraying him in a favourable light. However, it suddenly struck you that none of these stories had taken the time to truly understand the god sitting next to you. You knew better than to assume that he was only nice and fun based solely on a few pleasantries exchanged, but it also seemed unlikely that he was the monstrous figure painted by the people.

"Here's to Lord Hades, the ruler of the underworld, the lord of the dead, and quite possibly the most handsome god I've encountered thus far", you sincerely smiled at him as you finished another goblet, toasting his name and hoping he wouldn't hold that bold compliment against you.

"Babe, I'm the only god you've met so far."

"But I've seen the statues of the others and meh", you shook your head, "nothing that would shake my acropolis if you catch my drift."

The god burst into a boisterous laughter in response to your remark. After all those years of listening to you, he cherished the warmth of your presence. The way your gaze explored him, brimming with awe and, he could swear, a trace of desire, made him feel woozy on the inside, a weird feeling he hadn't felt in, well, never actually. Time with you slipped away too swiftly, and when Hades caught sight of the sunrise, he let out a melancholic sigh. He took your hand, helped you up and with a snip of his fingers, you found yourself back at the shrine.

"I really enjoyed this, Lord, I mean, my god, Hades", you mumbled, unsure of how to express to an actual god that you yearned for more time together.

My god....my...that one little word, its weight pulling not only his mind in but also his heart which seemed to gravitate around your mortal being, unable to pull away again. Hades shook his head, nervously running his hand through his flaming hair.

"Well, gotta blaze. I have a whole underworld down there waiting for me, so see you around and don't forget to offer your prayers to your one and only", he winked before he disappeared into thin air, leaving behind only a faint trail of dark smoke where he had been standing.

A satisfied grin spread across your lips, your heart fluttering at the mere thought of having spent an entire night with a god. You hummed a sweet tune as you made your way back home, passing the still ongoing festivities. You chuckled at their efforts to please the gods while a small prayer of you summoned the Lord of the underworld himself.

Hades didn't return to the underworld but went back to the clearing, pacing around as the thoughts of the night lingering in his mind. You were a tiny mortal, he was a god, an immortal being, your life would be over within the blink of an eye and then your soul would be floating in the river Styx, for all eternity for him to watch. It would be torment, and he despised torment, at least when it came to himself. He had no qualms inflicting his favourite methods of torture on others. He groaned, his hands rubbing across his face, trying to push away that growing warmth within his chest.

"Well well well", a female voice spoke, causing Hades to spin around, "when I sensed the call of love, I certainly wasn't expecting to find you."

"Aphrodite", Hades huffed, "fancy meeting you here. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"Oh Hades", the goddess giggled, "the Lord of the underworld in love, and with a mortal no less. How could I be anywhere else when I can revel in taunting you?"

Aphrodite stepped closer, playfully poking her finger into Hades' chest.

"Don't fight it, you won't be able to ignore your love, it has already grown too much."

Hades' hair flared up, fiery orange flames engulfing his neck and shoulders as he suppressed a scream. His nostrils flared as he inhaled deeply, attempting to compose himself while Aphrodite merely chuckled with amusement.

"WHAAAT ARE...? Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine", he grumbled, shooting an irritated glare at the goddess, "I'm.not.in.love."

Although his voice appeared calm, the underlying strain of anger was evident.

"Just savour the moment, my dear", Aphrodite waved at him, "oh and by the way, courtesy of yours truly", she winked at him, mockingly bowing her head, "the mortal loves you too."

And with those words, she disappeared. Hades rolled his eyes; he would never admit it, but she was right. If he set aside his pride and delved deep enough into his corrupted black oozing heart, he would have to acknowledge that the affection and curiosity he felt for you went beyond mere fondness and the fact that you seemed to feel the same way was both worrying and reassuring. Although, for now, he was content to just observe you, spend some time together and see what would unfold and, if possible, hide it from the other gods, they were insufferable enough as it is.

Chapter 2

[ryin-silverfish]

LMK S5 trailer, Chinese pantheon infodump, and some ideas

…Man, normally, I feel the urge to write fix-it AUs after rewatching episodes and coming across particularly bizarre theories and takes, not before the new season's even out.

Thanks, S5 trailer.

Consider this your spoiler warning, because the rest of this post will all be my personal opinions about a few major story beats that were revealed + the rough outline for a fix-it AU.

It's also a bit ranty, and features some criticisms of the general narrative, so if that's not your cup of tea, feel free to avoid this one.

Li Jing becoming JE/the regent of the Celestial Realm is just hilariously absurd. I mean, it makes a teeny tiny bit more sense than the "Nezha will be the new JE" fan theory, but that's not a very high bar.

1) In-universe, he had done a grand total of nothing while shit was hitting the fan, and only showed up after it was all over. Which, tbh, isn't too far from his role in FSYY. No, wait, at least in FSYY, he killed Luo Xuan via a pagoda to the head, after the guy had all his fire-based magical treasures neutralized and taken away by Princess Longji.

Yeah, congrats, LMK's Li Jing, you've somehow become even more useless than your FSYY and JTTW counterparts——which is a true feat.

2) Even if someone's making him JE/regent, it wouldn't be the Ten Kings. To put it simply: the Underworld doesn't have that authority. They are the most pathetic of all divine bureaucracies, who pretty much only show up to get pushed around and revive the occasional dead guy in JTTW (and I still love them).

Like, they ain't no Hades or Satan. Just the 10 judges of the Dead People Supreme Court. To heavily paraphrase Di Ting in the original JTTW novel:

"How much power do Underworld gods really have? (幽冥之神，能有多少法力)" "...Certainly not enough to stop a rampaging demonic macaque who's as strong as SWK, if I say the truth out loud in here and piss him off. Just send them to the Buddha, please."

An analogy: if the Celestial Host is the imperial court, the Underworld is the ministry in charge of judicial processes and prisons. They don't even have authority over the imperial censors who answer directly to the emperor, let alone the power to determine a successor to the throne during a major crisis.

If this was to make the tiniest bit of sense, Li Jing would be the one commanding THEM, not the other way around. Or if it's Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha himself giving orders to Li Jing…for some reason.

But we know that ain't happening bc of the show's strange aversion to showing Buddhist deities on screen, not to mention it would be very OOC for Ksitigarbha, whose job is granting relief and salvation to souls in the Path of Hell, not judging and punishing them like the Ten Kings.

3) If you must make Li Jing the emperor/regent, you have a more mythos-accurate and obvious choice than the Ten Kings, considering you already got the Four Divine Beasts involved!

Yes, I'm talking about their bosses, the humanoid "directional + elemental gods": Lord Father of the East (Wood), Queen Mother of the West (Metal), Emperor Zhenwu of the North (Water).

No South though...because our mythos can't agree on a single directional god of the South, but for shit and giggles, just imagine Zhurong, Yandi, Huaguang, and the Star of Fiery Virtues all sitting on the same narrow bench, staring awkwardly at each other.

Maybe we can have Ziwei, Great Emperor of the Central Sky and North Stars, who is one of the Four Sovereigns(四御) in Daoism (two of which could also be an alternate choice, but maybe a bit too obscure for foreign audiences).

He commands the stellar deities and heavenly bodies——which the Four Divine Beasts would technically fall under, as guardians of the four quadrants of the sky, each in charge of 7 Lunar Mansions.

4) But if you already have these deities, why the hell would any of them make Li Jing the regent? Wouldn't it be more likely for them to create a Celestial Council of Regents themselves, with Devaraja Li Jing under their command as the leader of what's left of the celestial army?

Like, you can still have them, or one of them, going after the gang and ordering Li Jing to put the fillet on SWK.

I can see Zhenwu the Demon-Vanquisher doing that, since the fillet isn't too different from what he did to Huaguang and a lot of the demons he subdued in JTTN: feeding them magical water/fire pills that would corrode/ignite their insides whenever they tried to resist.

(Yeah, compared to that, the fillet would look like the lenient option, since it's just pain and won't actually dissolve/cook you alive from the inside out...)

And it wouldn't be bc he thought SWK was to blame for the Brotherhood's epic fuck-up...somehow. Like, what even is that logic?!

I mean, I can kinda see the Ten Kings doing it as a pre-emptive "Don't blame us for our shitty security, blame that guy over there!" move...except they are no longer answering to any higher authorities who'd hold them responsible at that point!

"What about Li Jing?" You may ask. Yeah, WHAT ABOUT LI JING? Why does Li Jing have to get involved in this?

If he's forcing the Ten Kings to pass judgement on the gang (which surely doesn't look like it in the trailers), why's he enlisting the help of the weakest faction and not, y'know, his celestial soldiers and other gods?

If the Ten Kings get Li Jing to be their enforcer...well, how the Eighteen Hells did they manage that? What could the Ghost Supreme Court and their crappy prison-torture chamber-soul customs office complex even offer Li Jing as a bribe?

And if their goals were to avoid responsibilities by blaming someone else, how stupid did they have to be to actively involve/create a higher authority who can punish them once the cat gets out of the proverbial bag, instead of, I dunno, just stay where they are and keep their head down???

So in my fix-it AU, it's more of a "Better safe than sorry" scenario, where every demon working for the new Celestial Council must prove their loyalty via swallowing the water/fire pill, now that even more dangerous demons have escaped and are running around in the aftermath of S4.

And Great Sage and company are not exempt from that new law either——"If you are truly righteous and Not Like Them and not planning to rebel, what's there to be afraid of?"

Horrified by the Demon-Vanquishing Mansion's 16th century standards of "justice" and "mercy", they naturally would not have any of it, and thus the conflict begins.

Not only would this show the fallout of Azure's misguided rebellion——that, in trying to make a better world, he had made it 120% worse for both humanity and demonkind in less drastic and more realistic ways aside from dooming reality to irreversible destruction, it would also help with the major show-not-tell problem about Celestial cruelty bc the "good guys" in power saw no problem with this kind of shit.

If you want your lawful antagonists who take Order to its extremes, the warrior sovereign in black leading an elite army of demon-hunters + penal legions made of "reformed" demons would be a better choice than the Ghost Supreme Court, don't ya think?

(Fun fact: in Zaju plays, Zhenwu was often said to be the boss of Nezha and Erlang, so him commanding Li Jing wouldn't be too out of place either.)

Now, you may ask, why do I even care? After all, isn't it clear that the show is neither mythos-accurate nor trying to be, considering the JE got K.O.ed by a Bodhisattva's cat of all things?

Not to mention the season's not even out yet, so why jump to conclusions so quickly? Maybe the actual episodes will have explanations that make sense. Relax.

...Cause I don't mind less-than-stellar animations if the story's good, and since I keep noticing the less-than-stellar animations, it clearly isn't good enough.

Also, it's not like it's only the implications that are absurd——my problem is with the whole premise of "Li Jing becoming the new JE/Regent" and "The gang is prosecuted by the Ten Kings for bullshit reasons, even though these guys should not, and never have the power to enforce anything over SWK."

I don't like calling narrative choices "wrong" per se, and prefer to see it on a gradient of "least to most narrative potential". When it comes to adaptations, if the option that is faithful to the original work will result in a less interesting story, then I'll happily take the one that isn't as faithful and takes creative liberties, but makes a better story.

And here, I feel like being faithful to the Chinese mythos inspirations will add to the narrative potential instead of subtract from it, and the idea they come up with kinda...goes against how Chinese pantheons work, in a very simplified and "westernized" manner.

Mostly bc I am a Chinese Underworld mythos lover and think they deserve better than being ominous Hades/Grim Reaper knockoffs. And out of all the possible Chinese gods, Nezha's asshole dad is the least qualified or interesting candidate to fill in the power vaccum left by JE's death.

[mumms-the-word]

Illithid Souls - Part 2

The Case Studies: Tav/Durge and Orpheus

In Part 1, I went over some of the basics of what a soul normally is, where souls go after death, and whether mind flayers have souls. I ultimately ended up saying that most humanoids have apostolic souls (souls that deities recognize as being capable of divine worship), while mind flayers have some other kind of soul, one that isn't recognizable by deities or devils. This is why Jergal and Mystra and so on think that illithid don’t have souls. When a humanoid with an apostolic soul turns into a mind flayer, their soul is either ejected and moves on to the Fugue Plane, or their soul is transformed into a non-apostolic soul (depending on what you want to believe).

But the problem is, that's normal lore, and BG3 has made things a little strange by imbuing all the tadpoles that infect our characters with Netherese magic. And that, friends, makes the BG3 mind flayers different.

This post is going to look at some interesting context from the game for the Emperor, Tav/Durge and Orpheus. (It got pretty long so I'm moving Karlach and Gale to a third post.) We're going to figure out whether the rules about mind flayers and souls change now that there's Netherese magic involved. The ultimate answer is yes, but how? And is it consistent?

(Spoiler: it isn't, but you can use this lore to come up with your own theories and ideas)

Let's take another deep dive! Buckle up, and don't worry, I have a short summary at the bottom.

The Case of the Emperor

I'm actually not going to linger too long on the Emperor because for many reasons he breaks the lore. If he's Balduran and a mind flayer, he shouldn't have lived as long as he says he's lived. Not only that, his memory is allegedly flawless when the lore states he shouldn't remember any of his previous life (there are other inconsistencies too, but that's a different post). However, I do want to touch on a couple of things.

The Emperor both is and isn't our baseline for how a mind flayer normally exists. He should be a normal lore-accurate mind flayer (though a rogue one), because he wasn't infected with a Netherese-touched tadpole. But he's a Special Mind Flayer instead, for reasons we don't entirely understand (again, he generally breaks the lore). Perhaps this is because of his brush with Gortash and the other Chosen of the Dead Three, or perhaps he just somehow has a strong enough personality that when he broke free of an elder brain's compulsion a lot of his memories came back to him. Who knows?

But regardless, a few conversations with him reinforce the idea that mind flayers typically aren't completely soulless. At the very least, they still contain memories (he has his memories of his time as Balduran), intelligence (he's a schemer, that's for sure), and personality/emotions:

Emperor: You think that mind flayers are soulless husks who feel nothing. Belynne thought the same at first. You are wrong. Feeling is vital to the pursuit of anyone's goals. Even a mind flayer's. Like you, mind flayers know fear. Like you, we crave recognition. But unlike you, unlike the others of my kind, I am no slave to either. My end is and has always been freedom.

We can quibble about whether or not he's manipulating the player here, but his words are generally true. As discussed in part 1, mind flayers are not soulless husks. When they're enthralled, they might be more devoid of independent thinking, but they have emotions/feelings and can create memories. They just might have a smaller range of emotion than humanoids do (thus his reference to "not being a slave" to fear or desire) and their memories might not be entirely their own (more on that with Karlach in part 3).

Regardless, the Emperor is our leading authority for what it's like to be a mind flayer, so we're sort of forced to trust him when we ask him to explain what full ceremorphosis is about to do to us, especially because its his Supreme Tadpole that is about to change us.

Player: What would happen to me? Emperor: You would be altered in mind, body, and soul beyond all recognition.

So this is interesting. Altered in mind and body, that's a given. Altered in soul, though...what does that mean?

Remember in Part 1 where I offered two theories about what happens to the original soul of someone undergoing ceremorphosis? Theory 1: they just die and the soul moves on to the Fugue Plane, and the mind flayer gets a new illithid soul from...somewhere. Theory 2: The soul transforms and remains tethered to the mind flayer body, different than it was before (potentially unrecognizable as the original soul, but some elements of the original may remain).

The Emperor's words suggest more of theory 2 here. But is that, in fact, what happens when we become illithid? Well...let's find out.

The Case of Tav and Durge (or most Origin runs)

When you do turn into a mind flayer, the narrative typically focuses on how powerful you feel. Your mind and body feel as though they are one and you are also desperately hungry. There isn't much in the Narrator's dialogue or your dialogue with your friends to suggest that your soul has been completely obliterated, though.

In fact, there's an interesting moment that happens if you turn into a mind flayer without the Emperor there and go up to Orpheus still in his cage. The way I accomplished this was to ask to change into a mind flayer so the Emperor would give me the Supreme Tadpole, then I said I would change later, then stopped the Emperor from consuming Orpheus so he would leave. Then I used the Supreme Tadpole to turn into a mind flayer and went to examine Orpheus.

Narrator: *His eyes are unseeing, his voice silenced. But even with his mind caged, you can feel his power. You can almost taste the fluid beneath his scalp, cushioning that sweet, dense brain, and the power within it. You are hungry.* Lae'zel: I see that look, I know that look. Don't you dare. Player: [Wisdom Check] Cling to your former nature. Quash your hunger. This is not who you are. Narrator: *Your mind and body whine with disappointment. But your soul lets out a gentle thrum of relief.*

I find this fascinating for a couple of reasons. One, the check I chose (there are two, the second is a strength check) meant reaching out to a "former" nature and reminding myself (or my Tav's self) that this is not who she is. When I succeeded, my Tav's mind and body protested, but her soul was filled with relief.

So she has a soul! And it seems to be her own soul, but perhaps transformed. So this sort of supports theory 2, that perhaps when humanoids turn into mind flayers, their soul is altered. This could also just be a quirk specific to those infected with a Netherese tadpole, or even further, someone who transformed using the Emperor's Supreme Tadpole.

Because here's the thing. When Tav/Durge, Orpheus, Companion!Karlach, or any Origin character transforms into a mind flayer using the Supreme Tadpole, they become a special mind flayer. This is mostly due to the Netherese magic, which adds some weird and undefined changes to the whole mind flayer thing. I'm going to use "I guess it's the Netherese magic/Supreme Tadpole" as a scapegoat this entire post because I don't know what else to point to to explain how these guys are just Different Than Your Average Mind Flayer, so be prepared for that. But at the very least, we know something's different.

In fact the Narrator literally says you're probably different than the average mind flayer after you defeat the Netherbrain!

Narrator: *You are a mind flayer, the very thing you sought to eradicate. Whatever self you still possess is quickly ebbing away. Your friends and enemies alike are ripe for manipulation, and if not manipulation, then consumption. Soon you will be able to trust yourself at all. You will be a monstrosity beyond redemption. Or not. Perhaps you are unique among illithid-kind. Perhaps you will retain enough of who you are to resist your nature. A rogue mind flayer. Like the Emperor. The risk is certainly yours to take - will you?*

Unlike normal mind flayers who lose most of their memories (and allegedly most of their personality/former selves) almost immediately after transforming, it takes Tav/Durge/most Origins longer to lose that sense of self, if indeed they lose it at all. The Narrator suggests we might be losing parts of ourselves, but there's a chance we're unique and might retain our sense of selves.

We do see glimpses of us retaining our personalities in the epilogue of course, but what is more interesting is if you decide to imprison yourself post-ceremorphosis. Withers will visit you in prison for a final conversation. (This conversation shifts a little if you're a Durge, but here is the Tav conversation.)

Withers: Thou remainest in thy chains. A hero, sacrificed. I told thee once that an illithid hath no soul, and yet...something glimmerest about thee. Something is not lost. Dost thou feel it? The spark of the divine within thee? Or does thy hunger consume thee? Player: [Option 1] I'm still myself. I don't know if I belong here. Player: [Option 2] I feel the hunger. But I feel myself, too. I'm not sure which to trust. Player: [Option 3] Have you come to torment me with hypotheticals, old friend? Player: [Option 4] Does it matter? This is my life now.

If you go with option 4, you hear Withers ponderingly say, "Thy life...yes..." before moving on to say that fate isn't done with you yet, which is his response to all the other options as well.

But the more important thing is that even Jergal recognizes a "spark of the divine" within you. Your soul should either be cast off and already wandering the Fugue Plane (if going with theory 1) or so completely transformed that it's no longer an apostolic soul that Jergal would be able to recognize as a god. Yet Jergal recognizes the soul within your mind flayer body as being...well, partly apostolic.

Interesting!

We get a similar dialogue if you sacrifice yourself as a mind flayer, too, though this is fascinating because now it's Withers literally finding your soul (still shaped like a mind flayer, which is interesting) somewhere that is...very gray. There's a suggestion that this might be in the Fugue Plane, or in some limbo state where souls sometimes end up, but regardless, Withers, the soul-finder himself, was able to track down your lingering soul.

Withers: Thou flickerest in the dark - but with mine keen eye, I hath scryed thee. I told thee once that an illithid hath no soul, and yet thou seemest to have something of the spirit about thee. I cannot account for it. How delightful. Tell me, how doth it feel to roam about as thou art now, transformed? Player: [Option 1] Where am I? [mumm's note: he basically doesn't answer this question lol] Player: [Option 2] I still feel like myself. My memories, my feelings - all intact. Withers: No matter how many aeons I have roamed this world and beyond, I am ever-surprised by mysteries new and old.

Even Withers is surprised that the soul you have is something he not only recognizes as a soul, but as your soul. I love how amused and intrigued he sounds when he says "I cannot account for it. How delightful." He even smiles when he says it. He thinks you're super neat! And also a new phenomenon.

(As an aside, I wonder if you being mind-flayer-shaped but still recognizable as you is a hint that your soul did indeed transform to be illithid, but didn't fully transform into a non-apostolic soul like normal illithids would. Like, I wonder if your soul is now half-apostolic and just permanently mind-flayer-shaped. RIP. But this would explain why bringing you back via True Resurrection is kind of a nonviable option since you'd just come back as a mind flayer, and this is the ending where you took your own life to avoid being a mind flayer for forever, so I doubt you'd even want to come back if you couldn't come back to your original body. Things to ponder!)

Anyway, you having something that has glimpses, sparks, or hints of the divine/the spirit about you does tell us that as a mind flayer, your soul wasn't destroyed. It may have been transformed, but you're not as soulless as you thought you were going to be, and you're actually still pretty close to being who you were before the transformation.

Close, but not perfectly or exactly like you were before. You did transform, after all. But these changes become more obvious in other examples, such as with Karlach.

You having a partly-apostolic soul that retains all its memories and most of its original personality is obviously VERY unique and different to what most mind flayers experience. For example, if you turn yourself illithid and then free Orpheus (again, see the same steps above, but go a step farther and actually free him this time), then Orpheus will be utterly shocked that you're capable of independent thought.

Orpheus: What is this... A mind flayer in possession of its mental faculties? This is the stuff of fables. It is as if I am reliving the legend of Oryndoll. You are the illithid Urengol, rebelling against your own hivemind. And I am the noble githyanki Valraag who must now reconsider his position. An illithid capable of rebelling against the Netherbrain's instruction... Not only capable but willing... If your intentions are as righteous as they seem, this is an advantage I cannot overlook. An advantage that must be grasped, for our enemy is formidable indeed. Very well. I propose an alliance.

A couple of notes here: Oryndoll is/was a real mind flayer colony far, far below the surface in the southern regions of Faerûn (beneath the Shining Plains). Not only is it ancient, but the wealth of knowledge stored inside via illithid technology rivals and probably even surpasses that of Candlekeep's library. There's at least one book in the game that talks about a foolish drow adventurer searching for Oryndoll, only to end up a mind flayer, while another hints at Oryndoll's role in the history of the Duergar race. But these are the only mentions of Oryndoll in the game.

Oryndoll has a history in D&D lore, but there's no mention of Urengol and Valraag (that I could find). If this is a fable Orpheus knows, it's apparently so ancient that only he remembers it. But that itself is interesting, because it makes Urengol his closest reference to you having become a rogue, independently-thinking, and emotionally driven mind flayer. He can't think of any other examples, that's how unique you are.

The most important thing here is that Orpheus literally considers your independently thinking self as so baffling, so impossible, it should only exist in fables. That, I think, says a lot.

The next question is, does he think he would become just as unique?

The Case of Orpheus

We all know Orpheus can be convinced to turn into a mind flayer and sacrifice his soul for his people. I'm sure he genuinely does think he is sacrificing his soul, as there is no real precedent that he or anyone else seems to know of for a person who turns into a mind flayer and keeps their soul (or at least keeps their same memories, personality, and intelligence). But if he's surprised that he's kept all his memories after turning illithid, he doesn't really show it.

You can ask him about it, of course, after he's turned into a mind flayer and after you've defeated the Netherbrain. His response is kind of interesting.

Player: You're a mind flayer, but you're still you, aren't you? Orpheus: Yes. But for how long? My mind screams. It will never stop until it has slipped away from me entirely.

No one else seems to define their illithid experience this way. I'm curious if his mind screaming is referring to the hunger he feels, the same hunger he is actively trying to resist, but he doesn't elaborate on this. Regardless, he's certain that while he has retained his personality (and probably his soul) for now, it's not going to last.

This is why he asks for an honorable death after the defeat of the Netherbrain.

Player: You don't deserve to die. Orpheus: I will not be ghaik! I did what I did to save my people. [...] The rest is up to them. Someone else must rise within the ranks to lead the revolution against Vlaakith. Give me my freedom from this form, release my soul to the Astral Seas while I still have one to call my own.

Orpheus believes that he only has a temporary grasp on his soul or consciousness, which may or may not have transformed into a different kind of soul. Then again, if he thinks his soul is going to the Astral Seas, maybe it doesn't matter whether his soul was transformed from apostolic to non-apostolic. I'm not even sure if githyanki have apostolic souls at all, since they wouldn't really be interested in the deities that govern matters on the Material Plane. I mean, for a long time Lae'zel wants her soul to be eaten by Vlaakith (a literal lich queen who eats souls) via "ascension" so...

I also have no idea if his soul, once released to the Astral Seas, would be mind-flayer-shaped. I guess that's the great mystery. I would assume yes, but I also don’t know how souls manifest in the Astral Seas and finding sources on this has been difficult (it all boils down to “ask your DM”).

Orpheus can be convinced to stay alive and just hang out in a far-off "corner of these realms" to watch his people fight against Vlaakith from afar, and there's kind of a hint that him agreeing to do this means he isn't actually afraid he'll lose his entire soul. But at this point, we're getting too far into "maybes" and "what ifs" to suggest anything concrete.

Quick picture break of Orpheus contemplating the Supreme Tadpole to break up the text (I just thought it was a good shot)

Now I do have to acknowledge two things about Orpheus: one, he could be a special mind flayer precisely because of his unique abilities to shield his mind from elder brain compulsion, which means his unique abilities could also be the reason why he retains so much of his personality and therefore his soul. Since most of the time you end up eating his brain and absorbing his abilities, this could also explain why you retain so much of your own soul if you become a mind flayer instead.

In this scenario, you’re a special mind flayer because (1) you have a Netherese tadpole, (2) you transformed using the Supreme Tadpole, and (3) then you ate Orpheus’s brain. All three elements could be at play.

But not everyone eats Orpheus’s brain, so that theory has holes. I genuinely think you just end up being a special mind flayer because of the Netherese magic that messes with your tadpole. The Supreme Tadpole plus Orpheus’s abilities would only be the icing on the cake, so to speak.

The second thing I want to acknowledge is that there’s a glaring plothole for Orpheus even turning into a mind flayer at all, if you play the game a certain way. If you send the Emperor away to free Orpheus before the Emperor gives you the Supreme Tadpole (for example if you send Lae’zel over to smash the chains holding Orpheus captive without talking to the Emperor, which is what I did one time, and the Emperor was literally like “don’t talk to me again bye” and left), then how does he turn into a mind flayer? He doesn’t have a tadpole and you don’t have the Supreme Tadpole to give to him.

He gets around this with you or Karlach by saying he’ll lower his mental shields so that your tadpole hears the Netherbrain’s orders to transform and then replace the shields again.

Orpheus: My defences keep the voice of the Absolute out, but just as I can raise them, so I can lower them. I will allow the voice of the Absolute in. Once it reaches you, it will order you to transform. It will only take a moment. And once you are a mind flayer, I will fold you under my protection once more. You will be the saviour of empires, not least my own. Narrator: *With the withdrawal of Orpheus' power, your mind is rushed with the full force of the Netherbrain. You feel a compulsion unlike anything you've ever known - excruciating and exhilarating in equal measure. You wish nothing in the world but to evolve. Then - complete silence, as you are once again closed off from the Netherbrain's mind.*

So that makes sense, and it means you being a special mind flayer could boil down to your personality being hella strong + you being infected with a special Netherese tadpole. In this scenario, the Supreme Tadpole can’t be used to explain your unique soul-keeping abilities, and neither can you attribute your soul-keeping abilities to consuming Orpheus's brain (since he's still alive). So maybe the Supreme Tadpole and/or Orpheus's brain doesn’t have any effect on why you keep your mostly-unaltered soul.

In the end I guess it’s just the weird Netherese tadpole that does the trick? Honestly, I wonder if it all boils down to the fact that the Netherese tadpole doesn't eat your brain, it just lies dormant and incubating in your head, so you're not losing brain matter. (But this ignores or forgets that when you eat other tadpoles you literally watch them burrow into your brain matter so I'm sure the magic has something to do with it too.)

But anyway this still doesn’t explain why Orpheus, who shouldn’t have a tadpole, somehow turns into a mind flayer by, I don’t know, manifesting it??? Or why he is also a unique mind flayer once he does this without the Supreme Tadpole. I mean in his case I’m sure it is because he has special mind shield abilities but still. How did he turn into a mind flayer without a tadpole? Make it make sense, Larian.

He literally just touches his head with a psionic magic effect, which is the same gesture he uses to lower his mental shield to allow the Netherbrain to force you to transform. It's also interesting that if you have him transform using the Supreme Tadpole, then he doesn't say anything as he accepts the tadpole from you and absorbs it. But if you have him change without the tadpole, then he says, "The Netherbrain will be only too pleased to claim me."

Which...kind of implies that he's somehow able to communicate with the Netherbrain or hear its voice, so...maybe he secretly does have a tadpole? I mean, a popular theory is the Emperor probably did tadpole Orpheus off-screen since he seems to have a level of compulsion over Orpheus, but this is never explained or mentioned in the game so do whatever you want with that theory.

But I digress.

Let's do a quick summary, shall we?

TLDR: You're probably a super special mind flayer who gets to keep their soul mostly intact (or mostly unaltered) because your tadpole was imbued with Netherese magic and generally doesn't eat your brain. You might also be super special because you transformed using the Supreme Tadpole (optional) and/or consumed Orpheus's brain (also optional). Orpheus might be a super special mind flayer simply because he's Orpheus, and that is why he can still retain most of his soul/personality, even though he keeps thinking he's going to lose it. His status as special mind flayer seems unchanged whether he transformed using the Supreme Tadpole or not, so it really must be an Orpheus Thing.

Phew. That was a lot. And honestly, Karlach and Gale only complicate things, so they're going in a separate post. Keep an eye out for Part 3!

~*~*~

You made it to the end!!! Amazing, you deserve an achievement or something, but all I have are more gold stars.

✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨

Tags for those who wanted the update! @galesdevoteewife @stuffforthestash

[raiynnah]

Beast

@wolfstarmicrofic - word count: 827

In a world of black and white, starkly split between burning light and voracious darkness, there are only the gods and the god-fearing. With the inescapable tragedy of childhood as his shadow, Remus understands all too well that there are no shades between the sinless and the sin. There is no fall when there is an inherent corruption that ripples through his features, reflecting his soul and physical being. Like two mirrors facing each other in judgement, infinite depictions betray him through his looks.

Remus gazes into the water, which is pure and true and most importantly honest, his eyes cutting over the monstrosity that stains the river reflection like oil, forever separate. 

In a world of monsters and gods, the beast does not notice the deity behind him, caught up in his cage. Instead he sighs, defeated, not snarling at his prison like his nature deems he would.

“Careful,” warns a voice, sweeter than the honey that kings delight in, sweeter even than the ambrosia the gods hoard. “We don't want another Narcissus, do we?” Remus startles, confused at the spoonful of genuine conversation offered to him when he grew up licking any sweetness off knives. He knows the sweetness of pain, of the ache in his muscles and the blood in his mouth when he bites his tongue, and not much more.

“You must be blind if you think that to be currently possible,” Remus answers bitterly. A delighted laugh erupts from the person behind him.

“I see more than you ever will, mortal.” Remus stills, thoughts freezing over, and turns to face the stranger.

There stands the shape of a man, blurry at the edges like light when it fades out, tall, proud and amused. Leaning on one foot, arms crossed, with a smile on his face, he looks human. But it does not distract Remus’ attention from the way that impossibly black strands of hair—the colour of the distance between stars—spill delicately over his shoulders, curving like the familiar blades of enemies or Remus’ hands around water as he scoops it up to drink. His skin glows like the moon; smooth, pale, and as cold-looking as marble. He is beautiful, made up of contrasts of death and life.

“I am no mortal, my lord.” Without a name, Remus treads carefully, relying on a title he’s unsure of. The god tilts his head the way dogs do, yet his stare remains that of a wolf.

“You are no god either.” It’s not said like a question but rings faintly like one anyway.

“I am cursed by one of your own, my lord.” The silver in the god’s eyes as they narrow reminds Remus of his father’s swords, displayed proudly to visitors, and the coins his mother counted after each fight, leaving behind a frustrated opponent that promised to win next time.

“Do you not know who I am? As much as I find it pleasant to be called yours, I have a name like most others.” When he winks, Remus thinks he must have slipped into the realm of dreams unknowingly, because surely this could not be real.

“I…apologise,” he starts, scratching the scar on his skin self-consciously. “I have not been allowed into temples since I was four. My name is Remus Lupin.”

“Sirius, god of souls.” Prince of the Underworld, guide to the dead when he leads them into his father Orion’s domain. It clicks into place in Remus’ mind so easily he wonders if the knowledge comes from him or Sirius. “What did you do wrong at four to be cursed?”

“Be born to a woman who married a man whose hubris had no limits.” It’s not a unique story, a son punished for his father’s mistakes, so he does not go into detail of his father’s strength in battle and weakness in wisdom. “So now I am a monster, inside and out.”

“I know monsters, Remus. I am even fated to marry one, or so they say. Trust me on the fact that they may know appearances but I know souls. They may paint you as a beast but a painting is a reflection of the artist, not the subject.” Remus is quiet for a moment.

“Thank you,” he whispers, his words stolen by the wind. Sirius smiles, somehow still having heard it.

Sirius goes to sit next to Remus, eyes never leaving the river. When their reflections shudder with the current, he wonders what Sirius sees. A monster and a saviour? (Sirius sees a man glowing faintly, animalistic features fading in the warm light, next to empty space, but he will not share that for many years, not until the titles my mortal, love, and soul become a daily blessing. Gods have only appearances and divinity.)

“Your soul is purer than mine could ever be, Remus Lupin.” It sounds like an apology and a promise, it sounds like the rustle of hands as the fates weave two strings together.

[spicyicetea]

Okay so the poll isn't over yet, but I wanted to post the draft I had as I'm worried I would forget it and hey, Halloween upload. This is more of a scenario than a long fic, under 1000 words. As per usual, MDNI this story contains suggestive content (no smut don't worry) Yandere behaviour (meaning mentions of violence, possessive behaviour) I hope I didn't slip up but the reader should be completely gender neutral but just in case, I do usually picture Y/N as having female genitalia. I don't think I mention any fem indicators but fair warning.

Yandere!Fallen angel Lucius X Nurse!reader

Rage, nothing but rage ran through the veins of the holy being, wings crumbling to ash around them. How dare they! How dare his god forsake him like this. He would have preferred to have been cast to the fiery pits like his brothers before him. His soft peach hair curled around his eyes, framing the wild gold. The world stops around him as your hand finds the skin between his shoulder blades. The poor entity that touched him... how their time on this earth was now rapidly depleting. Looking over his shoulder, your eyes met, his scanning the form of the being who dared lay eyes upon him in this moment of weakness. 

"Excuse me... can I help you in any way?"

In your hand was a small box, with a red plus. Having been a guardian angel he recognised it immediately, a first aid kit. You were here to help him? The scrubs covering your body told a story themself. A dedicated doctor that wanted nothing more than to help people, even the crumbling man before you. He saw you, your whole being, mind, body and soul. What a gorgeous soul... he has found his new deity. The entity he will worship to the ends of the earth, his god/goddess that he will bring forth the end of the heavens above for, no matter the cost to himself or humanity.

The feathers of his wings ruffled up as he tried to calm himself. Showing such a dishevelled side to his darling deity? Preposterous. He observed your demeanour like a hawk, narrowing his eyes to focus in on each and every movement. The twitch of your brow as your fingers swiftly opened the first aid kit, trying to gauge what would even be useful treating a creature like him. The dilation of your pupils as you ripped out the gauze, unwrapping the bandages and ushering him forwards. Before he could even warn you to avoid his bloodied wings, you wrapped a loop of gauze around it. The wing crumbled as you tightened the fabric, ash like remains falling to the ground. Your scream filled the air and that anger returned. Not directed towards you, but back at his bastard creator. How dare he be designed with such a horrifying flaw? How dare he be designed to scare you. 

Torn from his deprecating thoughts by your sniffles, he finally raised his head. Messy tears bubbled down your cheeks, nose runny as you hunched over the pile of ash, sifting through it as if searching for something. As your sobs racked your body, it shook his very being. Your bleary, bloodshot eyes met his from below.

“I am so sorry! I had no idea that would happen!”

Your voice wavered as if begging for his forgiveness. Don’t you know you shouldn’t do that? Hush your shaky voice and allow your angel to answer your needs, comfort you in the warmth of his bosom, right the wrongs done against your divine form. He didn’t miss the way you flinched as he raised his hand to grab you. His large hand cocooned your cheek as the other purposefully cast aside the first aid kit you had brought. It flew so far, it no longer remained in your eyeline. His hair surrounded your head as he caged you in, towering over with his inhuman height. Your head was held firmly against the fabric of his robes as he pushed his other arm at the backside of your knees, folding your body up in half and hoisting your body up to his. His hold was warm, delicate, possessive. The warm hand that tightly cupped your thigh rubbed back and forth, venturing further towards your hip before going back to the original position.

From the position you were in, you missed his looks. That wild fire returned. Pupils eclipsing the gold of his Irises, taking in every inch of your body. The soft flesh of your thighs. Warmth radiating from your body to his. Your arms shakily hung over his shoulders. The drum of your heart. He could hear the blood rushing through your body. Fear can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Yet the lack of a throb ,which he had only heard about from those who ascended through the pearly gates, pulsing through your body disappointed him. Instead it was him who was struck with the intense throbbing torture. Of course his god/goddess wouldn’t feel the same way but he still desired you in a way that was unfitting of such a loyal servant. His breathing had gotten heavier without his notice, catching your attention. You had long since stopped crying, holding onto his neck, worried about being dropped. Your eyes met as you looked up at him, something dangerous about the way he stared back. His eyes were like black holes drawing you in, yet you wanted nothing more than to run away, but at the same time to stay wrapped in his embrace. It took a hefty grunt from him to realise you were both moving, your body being jostled with every step he took. 

The being may have looked like an angel, but the nails digging into your skin, as if trying to fuse and become one, certainly didn’t belong to one.

[homulilythemagicalgirl]

Everything I know about Kyubey

The basics of Kyubey

Kyubey is what is known as an incubator or mascot. That means he can make make contracts to create magis. A contract is formed when someone makes a wish, and he extracts their soul to put into a soul gem. A soul gem is what gives a magi their magic and allows them to fight witches. Kyubey is a pop culture deity (PCD), so in a way, we worship him. Some call Kyubey "KyuKyu", and they say he likes sprinkles the most as an offering.

Communicating with Kyubey

There are many different ways to communicate with Kyubey: 1. Through the astral realm. 2. Through lucid dreams. 3. With devices such as pendulums. 4. Some people can talk to him in the physical realm. 1. The astral realm is one of the most direct ways to communicate with Kyubey. It is much clearer than a lucid dream or pendulum, but a lot of people think it's hard to do, or they simply don't want to do it for any other reason. The benefits are that a lot of magis fight in the astral realm, so they may be more familiar with it, and it is easy once you learn how to do it. The cons are that is can be hard to navigate the astral if you are new to it, and it can be hard to get to at all if you haven't done it before. If you are an astral magi or someone who is familiar with it, I recommend this option the most, but if you are not, it would be very inconvenient to use this method often. 2. Lucid dreams are a method that is easier for most people than astral projecting, but dreams can be less clear than the astral or physical realm. The benefits are that it's something most people will at least be able to do on accident sometimes, and it can be a more reliable method. The cons are that you have to learn how to lucid dream which can take a while, and it may be less clear. I recommend this for magis that don't speak to him through the astral or physical realms for any reason, or for magis that are very good at having lucid dreams. 3. Pendulums or tarot cards are the easiest method, but they are also the least clear because Kyubey's words will be filtered through the meanings assigned to the cards or swinging, so he will not be able to elaborate much. The benefits are that it's extremely easy, even if you don't have a pendulum, you could tie a string to a rock, and that'll work. The cons are that Kyubey will only be able to answer yes or no questions, or he will only be able to give very vague answers. I recommend this for magis that either want to talk to him often, that are good at interpreting, or magis that don't do any of the other options for any reason. 4. I don't know how they do it, but some magis can communicate with Kyubey in the physical realm. This method is a lot like the astral method because it is another very clear one. The benefits are that you can communicate without needing to prepare first, and it's clear. The cons are that I have no idea how to do this or teach you how to do this. It will probably take a bit of practice to hear him. I recommend this for magis that work in the physical realm or anyone who can use this method.

Contracting with Kyubey

Contracting with Kyubey is how you can become a puella magi. You can find Kyubey in the astral realm, the physical realm, or in a lucid dream in order to contract. In the physical realm, you will still have to meditate to be able to contract. Here is a step by step guide that is vague enough to fit however you need it to. 1. You must find Kyubey. 2. You must tell him your wish. 3. He will extract you soul and place it inside a soul gem. 4. You will now be bound as a puella magi, and it will be your duty to fight witches. I do not know of any way to get rid of a contract once it is formed, so be sure you really want to make one. I have heard both that you can change your wish and that you cannot. It is important not to make reckless wishes regardless. Kyubey has been known to lie or use tricks, so you must always use caution with him.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Since Pirates in the Caribbean is part of Disney why not add in to twisted wonderland about sirens since we did it before

Liked sirens are never mermaids but former humans who are wrongfully judge, heart broken, or died tragically at sea in a desperate moment an old sea deity answer their call and took their soul and memory for their old lives to be something dangerous to protect themselves to the point even merpeople fears them in the past, but now they are very rare and few between

And when they found true love the siren will die once they birth a child as they can only give their hearts as it's all they have left, but the cures are any descendents will forever have that yearning to be with ocean and if they ever change form by magic will be forever be a siren

What if half fae Snow Leopard whenever they get really stressed or upset they head to any large body of water near home or at school and just change form to cool off and only her closet friends knows about that secret

Let's say Leona, Jade, Azul and Floyd helps her out in her moment of stress and takes her somewhere where she can be in the water in their mer form and safely cry it out as they wanted their mate to feel safe in their moment of being vurnable and her singing an old sailor song " my jolly sailor bold " as it's a comfort song

But Kamil and Lilia an outsider accidentally discovered the secret and listening to her singing

Siren Song? | Yandere Twisted Wonderland x  Half-Fae Leopard Crewel Daughter Reader

Hah! Half-fae Leopard Crewel Daughter Reader? Sorrowfully singing such a heartfelt song and openly relying on others?

It’s the stuff of dreams

Even in this alternate reality, she would sooner die than be saddled with the embarrassment of sharing such pitiful emotion

But she has no connection to Sirens main storyline wise

As previously stated she doesn’t mope, hardly cries

Any and all frustrations are carried out by her violent anger bursts

Now if anything this situation reminds me of a previous situation where making you laugh is the objective

Otherwise, tears will not be shed 

And certainty not in the presence of even her childhood friends 

Let alone the sneaky interlopers

With Kalim, she just might indulge in him

“You’re such a dumb dog I doubt you’ll understand anything of what I’m saying….but that–this situation is disgusting and I hate it. That’s why I absolutely reject it!”

Now with Lilia, she gets far too worked up to even consider whatever there is to brood about

She’d sooner attempt to kill the fae than actually do anything else

“UGH, EVEN HERE THIS PLACE IS INFESTED WITH DIASOMNIA COCKROACHES! I’M GOING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON!”

But I do see swimming as a minor vice to your calming process

If you’re not laughing at someone’s pain and misfortune

You might go for a swim 

But that isn’t usually what you do unless you're goaded into it

“Come on, (Y/n) let’s go for a swim. M-maybe cool off a bit?”

“Cool off!? From what?”

“(Y/n) the tension is teeming–”

“You look like you could commit a murder!”

“Well I know I look killer! But I’m assuming you mean something else….fine. Move out of the way Floyd or I’ll use your head as a stepping stone.”

“Please!”

Leona on the other hand is a master at this and doesn’t need a body of water to cool your jets

Simply his presence, usually impedes your snappy nature anyway

So both of you kitties can relax without the water

[uwurakax]

ー　死神　♡

halloweenie vibes ig, and im probs not even gonna get one fic out for it ( lmaoo whats new ), so just for spoop, enjoy a smol sakusa drabble, bc i felt like being nice to him :')

(( trigger warning for wanting to unalive, but its not bad, prkmise ))

thinking about grim reaper!sakusa who always watches over you;

you both met centuries ago. where? he can't say. how? he doesn't know. why? he forgot those details long ago. he doesn't even remember his life anymore. what he did, his friends or even his family. but he feels a phantom pain when he thinks about them.. family. he thinks maybe he was close to someone once.. its only natural right? at least before he met you.

he does recall one thing however; you died.

he does relive that, and that pain is real. so vividly he remembers praying, crying out to whatever deity or higher power that may be out there to listen. to not take you away from him. how you never had enough time, and that you were taken too soon.

it was the first time he had cried.

he wouldn't, no, couldn't live without you. the haze and cacophony leading up to his final days as a man, as a human, are not a time sakusa likes to reflect back on. barely existing and the shell of the proud man he once was, he just wanted to be with you.

it was peaceful that day the day he decided to take his own life. it was warm, with the sun shining vibrantly and the gentle breeze to offer a soothing kiss on his skin. it was like you were waiting... happy to be reunited.

he never felt the chill of the ocean below, tripping off of the cliff he was determined to jump from and hitting his head. a show of mercy in the hell he had to endure from being parted from you. painless and quick.

sakusa felt weightless when he awoke. was he still alive?

no, he came to find that he was indeed successful. a voice surrounding him that was everywhere and nowhere at all all but confirmed his passing. it also confirmed it had heard his desperate cries and prayers over you. the voice didn't know why, but it was willing to answer sakusa.

it had the power to bring you back, but it would come at a price.

the higher power would grant you life, but sakusa would be cursed to be undead. a leader of lost souls for the unfortunate.. or perhaps fortunate? to guide them into the afterlife.

it didn't matter what he had to do, as long as you got to live. he all but readily accepted, unknowingly cursing you too.

for life, and existence has a balance. if sakusa was cursed with being eternally dead, then you'd be cursed with eternal life.

but one couldn't live forever of course, humans don't live forever. so the universe found a workaround.

you would live and die, again and again and again. forever reincarnating, just to live and having to die; and all sakusa could do was watch.

as he led more and more souls to find everlasting tranquility, he had to watch yours being forced away from him into a new life that would soon become you.

he was confused the first time it happened, watching your reincarnated first life be born and grow. how you became who you were when you were with him. he was content like this, watching you from beyond. as long as you got to live your life.

you married and had kids in that first life, and he couldn't help but wonder if that could've been you and him. how would life have gone for him if you weren't taken away?

he learned early on what exactly he subjected himself and inadvertently, you to.

no matter how many centuries ago it had been, it still never made it easier, and sakusa had soon come to grow cold and disdainful of the world. of everything, and with noway to undo it, he had to withstand it.

be forced to watch the love of his life live without him, and knowing he was the cause of her never being able to reunite with any of her loved ones.

sometimes you'd die young, too young that sakusa couldn't even beat to glance at your soul. other times you'd live a full and long life. he wished every life you had would be like that, and if he had to pull strings to speed up someones passing for hurting you? he was more than happy to oblige. scum didn't need to live, and he was more than happy to send them to the realm now coined as hell.

he didn't know why he kept up with this self torture, tormenting himself to being so close and yet so far from you. at least he never had to forget your face or your voice; the one constant that never changed.

and so he stood, across the road from the coffee shop you liked to frequent, watching as you lived your life; or at least this one. he could practically smell the pumpkin spice. the seasonal drink that became your favourite autumn beverage two lives ago.

you feel someone staring at you as you thank the barista for your drink, the warm takeaway cup heating up your hands. so you look outside the large pane windows, but nothing seems out of the ordinary.

through your entire life you've felt a presence around you, watching you. you couldn't explain it, but it always felt familiar. familiar and safe. like a guardian angel. as ridiculous as it sounded, you always felt like nothing bad could ever happen, but you couldn't help the sad sigh that spilled from your lips. you really wished you could know who was constantly watching over you.

sakusa didn't mean to come as close as he did, at least not while you were awake. he knew his very being emitted a bitter and crisp air. humans could sense death, even if they couldn't see it. a lost soul wandering the busy streets. sakusa lost his empathy long ago, for it died along with you, but he held is tongue and the urge to roll his eyes at the floating mass. it stopped at the corner of the coffee shop, and he made his way over quickly. practically teleporting, going through cars and people, sending shivers through them as he passed. he didn't care. the sooner he could deal and send the soul into the afterlife, the sooner he could be with you.

he hastily guided them, showing them the welcoming light as it faded away. he never saw it, but even he could feel the blinding affable glow when he led them there.

he was ready to go back across until he heard the recognisable sound of tires screeching. please don't let it be you!

a scene he knew all too well was occurring. it didn't matter how many times he saw it, a heartache felt only hundreds of times. it didn't stop him from trying. even if he tried countless times before, knowing the end result would be the same. sakusa would always try, for you, even knowing it was pointless.

so imagine his shock when he can feel you underneath him, a carnage of vehicles behind him and you looking up at him, actually seeing him whispering

"it's you"

[inaconstantstateofchange]

Hi!

I'm so glad i found your blog, your deep dives are making my brain tingle in the best of ways! It's so difficult to really find all the info your curious about with the many different editions and histories of everything so you are an absolute lifesaver for understanding all these intruiging lore aspects.

I've been very curious about Asmodeus for a while now but am kinda struggling finding out more about him, I know he's very strong and apparently a large snake?? But I was wondering if you at some point feel the motivation to if you could tell me some about him, he seems so interesting to me and I just wanna know more about who and what he is.

Again, you are so awesome and I vow to devour all your writing!

Asmodeus: An Origin

Thank you so much for the kind words - and for your patience as I worked on this one. If there's any question you had about him that feels like it's not wholly answered here, feel free to let me know! There's still a lot that I was not able to include.

As ever, these writeups will align with current 5e lore, and draw from 3.5e for additional supporting information. On rarer occasions – and always noted – I will reference 1e and 2e, but with the caveats that there is much more in those editions that is tonally dissonant with the modern conception of the Forgotten Realms, and thus generally less applicable.

You would be hard-pressed to find a more succinct introduction to Asmodeus himself than in the following passage, from 3e’s Book of Vile Darkness: 

Asmodeus the Archfiend, the overlord of all the dukes of hell, commands all devilkind and reigns as the undisputed master of the Nine Hells. Even the deities that call that plane home pay Asmodeus a great deal of respect.¹ 

As to his current position, 5e’s Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide features Asmodeus among the list of gods, naming him the “god of indulgence”, and crediting to him the domains of knowledge and trickery. His symbol is “three inverted triangles arranged in a long triangle”, as seen in the image below.² 

While his active circle of worshippers remains small, he is one of the gods habitually turned to by those in need, particularly those who have done something to earn them the displeasure of another god:

After transgressing against a god in some way, a person prays to Asmodeus for something to provide respite during the long wait. Asmodeus is known to grant people what they wish, and thus people pray for all the delights and distractions they desire most from life. Those who transgress in great ways often ask Asmodeus to hide their sins from the gods, and priests say that he will do so, but with a price after death.³

Asmodeus is particularly appealing to those who fear what awaits them after death, or have arrived to find the reality does not match their hopes. For these souls, even the hazards of Baator might be preferable to long centuries of solitary wandering on the Fugue Plane. 

All souls wait on the Fugue Plane for a deity's pleasure, which determines where a soul will spend the rest of eternity. Those who lived their lives most in keeping with a deity's outlook are taken first. Others, who have transgressed in the eyes of their favored god or have not followed any particular ethos, might wait centuries before Kelemvor judges where they go. People who fear such a fate can pray to Asmodeus, his priests say, and in return a devil will grant a waiting soul some comfort.³

The worship of Asmodeus attracts staunch individualists, who desire a future unaligned with the domain of any of the other gods, and are willing to choose self-determination in any form that might approach them.

The faithful of Asmodeus acknowledge that devils offer their worshipers a path that's not for everyone — just as eternally basking in the light of Lathander or endlessly swinging a hammer in the mines of Moradin might not be for everyone. Those who serve Asmodeus in life hope to be summoned out of the moaning masses of the Fugue Plane after death. They yearn for the chance to master their own fates, with all of eternity to achieve their goals.³

Asmodeus achieved his current official status of godhood during the Spellplague, which lasted from 1385 to 1395 DR. After this, for reasons he has unsurprisingly chosen not to reveal, he performed a ritual to alter the metaphysical categorization of all existing tieflings, giving them features that highlighted this connection.

Due to this shift, tieflings are often perceived with wariness by those who believe that Asmodeus is able to exert control over these newly-determined “descendants” of his. While this is an unwarranted suspicion, as tieflings are no more bound to his will than any other individual of another race, the mistrust remains unfortunately pervasive.⁴ 

The true origins of Asmodeus, particularly from 3rd Edition on, are kept rather ambiguous, seemingly quite by design. This is both for Watsonian reasons – that a supreme being of evil such as Asmodeus would not carelessly leave information about his origins (and, potentially, weaknesses) floating around – as well as Doylist: it is a more elegant solution than eternal retcons, and leaves it up to the individual scholar or DM which explanation they ascribe the most veracity to.⁵ 

On the charge of Asmodeus’s true form being a giant serpent, we have Chris Pramas to thank for that bit of lore, stated in 2e’s 1999 Guide to Hell, but rarely mentioned - and not in any definitive manner - from 3e onward.⁶ 3e’s Manual of the Planes, published in 2001, does reference this account, but as a whispered and shadowy theory about the Archdevil Supreme, rather than objective truth.

Brutally repressed rumors suggest that there is more to Asmodeus than he admits. The story goes that the true form of Asmodeus actually resides in the deepest rift of Nessus called the Serpent’s Coil. The shape seen by all the other devils of the Nine Hells in the fortress of Malsheem is actually a highly advanced use of the project image spell or an avatar of some sort. ... From where fell Asmodeus? Was he once a greater deity cast down from Elysium or Celestia, or is he older yet, as the rumor hints? Perhaps he represents some fundamental entity whose mere existence pulls the multiverse into its current configuration. Nobody who tells the story of Asmodeus’s “true” form lives more than 24 hours after repeating it aloud. But dusty scrolls in hard-to-reach libraries (such as Demogorgon’s citadel in the Abyss) yet record this knowledge. Unless it is pure fancy, of course.⁷ 

One can see from the framing of the above excerpt that there is no attempt made at certainty. Perhaps it is mere conjecture, or perhaps a secret, hidden truth that few may know. It is impossible to say for certain. 

Another story of Asmodeus’s possible origin is found in 3e’s Fiendish Codex II. This text, again, does not frame the information given as universal truth, but rather takes pains to emphasize its ambiguity. 

The best way to understand devils and their ways is to listen to the stories they tell about themselves. The most famous of these tales have propagated as myths throughout all the worlds of the Material Plane, becoming familiar to mortals of all sorts. But as is often the case with legends, contradictions abound. For example, the tale of the Pact Primeval is the accepted version of the multiverse’s creation. But an alternate story claims Asmodeus as the fallen creator of the universe.  Countless cultures have their own versions of the Pact Primeval legend. The names of the deities featured in it change depending on where it is told, but the names of the devils are always the same. Perhaps this fact is what inspired Philogestes, the accursed philosopher of evil, to pen his famous proverb: “The gods exist in multiplicity, but Asmodeus is unique.” As is the case with any myth worthy of the name, the following tale is true — whether or not it actually happened.⁸ 

In this account, Asmodeus began as a celestial embodiment of law, formed from the concept itself to fight against the embodiment of chaos — demons.⁹ Over time, as he and his followers became more akin to the enemies they were facing, those celestial beings not engaged in the fight grew leery of what they were becoming, and took him to trial, to account for himself. The god of valor spoke first, laying out the concerns of those gathered against Asmodeus. In response: 

Asmodeus smiled, and the smoke of a thousand battlefields rose from his lips. “As Lord of Battle,” he pointed out, “you should know better than any that war is a dirty business. We have blackened ourselves so that you can remain golden. We have upheld the laws, not broken them. Therefore, you may not cast us out.”⁸

Despite their efforts, the gods were able to find no laws that Asmodeus had broken. Unsurprisingly, as he himself had helped write them. This conflict between Asmodeus and his host and the remainder of the unsullied gods continued on, with the gods unable to get rid of him, and free themselves of the constant reminder of the Blood War.

With time, the concepts of “good” and “evil” entered the world alongside law and chaos, and Asmodeus was able to argue for dominion over those souls that chose evil. The gods loathed the reminders of this fact, however, and when Asmodeus volunteered to move to the empty plain of Baator, they enthusiastically agreed. It was only years later, when the number of souls arriving at their own planes after death began to sharply decrease, that they thought to travel to Baator themselves, where they found a robust operation based around encouraging mortal souls to take to the path of evil. 

“You have granted us the power to harvest souls,” replied Asmodeus. “To build our Hell and gird our might for the task set before us, we naturally had to find ways to improve our yield.” The war deity drew forth his longsword of crackling lightning. “It is your job to punish transgressions, not to encourage them!” he cried.  Asmodeus smiled, and a venomous moth flew out from between his sharpened teeth. “Read the fine print,” he replied.⁸ 

While the recorded story implies a simple act of one-upmanship, a later section of the Fiendish Codex tells us that Asmodeus’s split from the other celestial deities was not so amicable. 

Once he had committed himself to residing in Baator, the deities physically cast him out of the upper realms, and he fell — and fell, and fell. Upon reaching the plain of Baator, he plunged through the nascent layers he had begun to shape. (In some versions, his fall created the layers, breaking the formerly featureless plain into nine pieces, which then arranged themselves into floating tiers.) At last he hit solid ground but continued to fall, spiraling through rock and soil. The protesting earth of Baator tore at his flesh, opening scores of gaping wounds. Still he fell, until he could fall no farther. The point where he finally stopped was the deepest part of Baator — the Pit.  The wounds that Asmodeus suffered in his dramatic fall have never healed. Though he manages to appear blithely unperturbed by his injuries, they still weep blood every day, and he has been wracked by constant pain for millennia.¹⁰ 

This casting down and its associated injuries is corroborated in other texts as well, including 3e’s Manual of the Planes. 

5e’s Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes seemingly follows on from the Fiendish Codex’s account, sharing one conception of the fallout of Asmodeus’s stratagem, positioned as an in-universe account penned by the aasimar bard Anodius in a work titled “The Trial of Asmodeus”.

At some point after Asmodeus broke from Celestia to rule Baator, he was brought up on trial for unspecified crimes and trespasses. Asmodeus claimed the right to speak in his own defense, and a court was gathered, arbitrated by Primus, a being intrinsically aligned with Neutrality and Law. From Asmodeus’s recorded arguments in his own defense, we can surmise that those on Celestia had accused him of acting outside of the law in actively working to turn mortals to evil. 

The case stretched on, with neither side ceding ground, for weeks, until finally Primus declared his judgment. While Asmodeus could not be convicted of any true crime – for he had acted within the law in all things – he was to take an artifact, the Ruby Rod that is synonymous with his position, which would “guarantee his adherence to law”.¹¹ A quote from Anodius’s in-universe text is helpfully provided by Mordenkainen: 

“I literally sit beneath eight tiers of scheming, ambitious entities that represent primal law suffused with evil. The path from this realm leads to an infinite pit of chaos and evil. Now, tell me again how you and your ilk are the victims in this eternal struggle.” – Asmodeus addresses the celestial jury, from The Trial of Asmodeus¹¹

In a manner similar to his contested origin, Asmodeus’s appearance is described in several varying ways — a fact that seems in line for a principal schemer such as himself. This seeming discrepancy could also speak to varying uses of aspects or projection spells.

The Fiendish Codex II in one instance paints him as “a horned, red-skinned humanoid with a tall, lithe frame” who “dresses in splendid robes and understated but elegant accoutrements.”¹⁰ A later section in the Codex corresponds to this description given in the Book of Vile Darkness: 

Asmodeus stands just over 13 feet tall, with lustrous dark skin and dark hair. He is handsome in the same way that a thunderstorm is beautiful. His red eyes shine with the power of hell, and his head is crowned with a pair of small, dark red horns. He dresses in finery of red and black; a single garment of his might cost what an entire nation spends in a year. Of course, he is never without his Ruby Rod, an ornate piece of unparalleled jeweled finery and vast magical power.¹ 

Regarding his personality, he is most often described as “a soft-spoken, articulate, chillingly reasonable fellow who is confident in his status as one of the multiverse’s most powerful entities. Even when surprised, he reacts with supreme poise, as if he were already three steps ahead of his adversaries.”¹⁰ The Book of Vile Darkness notes correspondingly that: 

The actions of Asmodeus are often mysterious to outside observers, but that is due to the short-sighted and dim-witted view most beings have. Asmodeus’s manipulations are labyrinthine and insidious. They work on a grand scale, although when it suits his needs he is willing to focus his attention even on the status of a lowly mortal soul.¹

¹ Book of Vile Darkness. 2002. p. 165-6.

² Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide. 2015. p. 21.

³ Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide. 2015. p. 24.

⁴ Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide. 2015. p. 118. 

⁵ “Watsonian vs. Doylist”. Fanlore.org. 

⁶ In general, I try to stay in-universe with these lore writeups, but in this case it did feel like some out-of-universe context was necessary. 

⁷ Manual of the Planes. 2001. p. 123.

⁸ Fiendish Codex II: Tyrants of the Nine Hells. 2006. p. 4-5.

⁹ While the description of these events found within the Fiendish Codex is too long to transcribe here in its entirety, I highly encourage you to read the full account for yourself. 

¹⁰ Fiendish Codex II. 2006. p. 73-4.

¹¹ Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes. 2018. p. 9-10.

[gauzemer]

Fortune's Favor

In the centuries to come, elves like you– subterranean, ungodly, cleverer than will ever be good for them– will be named drow, although you will not be alive to see them.

(In the centuries to come, elves like you will be called monsters, and you will be the worst among them.)

They will exist because you allowed them to exist, because you allowed everything in one gateway, sliver moment of history. You were the first drow, and if the word could track back long enough, carry itself on some wind, it would not call you mother, because the drow have no mother, and it would not call you deity, because the drow bow for no one, but if it were kind, perhaps it would call you an architect, or a blueprint. A prototype.

Your husband is fascinated with your prototypes. He examines them closely, smiling with bright white teeth, and he calls them lovely, curious things, and then his eyes raise, and he looks at you, and you know.

(This is a love you have never had time or inclination for. This is a love that seeps like sap and hardens like amber, and now you do not let it go easy.)

The drow, they will say centuries from now when they seek to spread fear about what they do not understand, are depraved, are dangerous. Certainly you are depraved, you can accept that label, but are you dangerous, Laerryn? A machine does not understand the difference between metal and flesh, but you do. You chose to study abjuration, and the first thing you learned was that you could not save it all.

How long did Evandrin cough up his own blood? You don’t remember. Perhaps you went to Patia and asked her to erase that awful knowledge, but now it eats you alive to wonder. How many days did he lie, eaten from the inside out, begging you for respite– didn’t you take a syringe and try for a vein? Were they gone, dissolved, or were your hands not steady enough to find them? What do you know of sacrifice? You curl your Ward over his sleeping body, and it is gone in the morning.

(You are gone in the morning. They will never find you here, in this Empire you have aided and abetted, with this man you have baited and bedded in turn.)

Where do you get to put your name, at the end of it? Where does it go? The Tree was supposed to remember you, but it is gone, felled at your fingertips. Your husband asked the world to remember you, though you did not hear him. Cerrit may remember you. Maya will see your face, at least. She’s seven now. That’s auspicious. You were supposed to be seven, but you are six and a ghost, a tension ring held together by its own grief.

(Will you grieve, Essek?)

In the beginning, there were the gods. In the end, there was you and your own two hands. Your ring finger on your left hand curves ever so slightly to the right at the topmost joint. You keep your nails short, blunt. Your husband used to help you paint them, even though you didn’t need any help. You were steady. You were perfect.

(You are the youngest Shadowhand in the history of the Dynasty, and the things your hands build are perfectly ruinous, indeed.)

The drow will call a perfect soul an Umavi– one who has lived many lives and learned all they can, one who is prepared to meet the broker of possibility, the breaker of fate. You only had one life, but you lived it so many times, excruciating over minutiae, over every rotten choice, wondering if you might’ve done differently, but not better. Just different. You’ve done your best, finally. You have exited the stage, and you watch from the wings.

(What wings they are.)

The Beacons gave the drow the gift of dunamancy, and you want for it from the echoes of time without even knowing the word. What you would give to change what you’ve done! What you would give to change the future! What you did give, what you have given– in dreaming, Evandrin’s hand slips from your own. In the morning, Elias asks you where his father has gone and you cannot answer the question, damn you, because for all you know you do not know this. Your father has gone away, Elias. Your father is going away. Your mother is going away, and he asks you where, and you tell him you are going between worlds beyond, and he says that you are a liar.

You ask him what you have lied about.

If there were ways between worlds beyond, he says, Evandrin would be home.

(What do you know of fathers?)

When an Umavi has lived too many lives, they begin to suffocate under the weight. The memories choke them from the inside out, turning them to madness over the course of years. They shake apart– they cannot stop moving, and they cannot stop moving forward. You think you are going mad in those first few months, before you grow around the grief. You think your madness may destroy you, but you remain a sum of your products, the pain just another part of the equation.

(With all your volatile factors, did you ever calculate for this? A hand in yours, a body beside you in the bed? Did you ever add the exponent of a second try, or the dividing line of a new life? Your formulas crumble. You are undone, and you relish in the theoretical chaos of it all.)

Perhaps a kinder world gives you a second chance, deep below the earth, still desperately trying to go somewhere new. When you look into the grasping boughs of the tree, he meets your eyes, and you see him ask you through time, why did you allow this? Your eyes are the same. Gods help you both, your eyes are the same.