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genderqueerdykes · 9 days ago

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What's a dyke

you know i get this question a lot and i don't get sick of answering is, so thanks for asking!

a dyke can be a lot of things. the term "dyke" is a slur that is thrown around in North America, primarily the United States and Canada as well as certain other English speaking countries that is generally directed at masculine or androgynous women (usually cis women and AFAB people). it is intended to be lesbophobic in nature. it is meant to be used in a way to imply that other person is a lesbian, and in a very bad way.

however, because a lot of people have a bad read on what a lesbian is, they often times misdirect it towards other people that they consider lesbians and thus dykes. if 2 women are close friends no matter how they express it they can be affected by the slur as well, no matter what their orientation is. other than lesbians, cis masc, androgynous, gender non conforming women and fem women who spend a lot of time around other women, regardless of their actual identity, people who get called dykes the most tend to be:

transfeminine people

trans women

intersex people

transmasculine people

trans men

butch people

bisexual, pansexual, polysexual & omnisexual women

multspectrum lesbians

non binary, genderqueer, and genderfluid people

two spirit people

multigender people

bisexual women & people

... a lot of other queer people

dyke is a slur that affects a really broad range of people due to the complexity and diversity that comes with both womanhood and transness. both trans men and trans women are affected by this a lot more than people want to talk about. if a woman or woman adjacent person reads as masculine, they very well can get called a dyke by someone hateful who is angry. the slur dyke is associated with AFAB bodied people and women, but there are a lot of transfem people who are targeted by this slur due to them not fitting inside of a restrictive binary of what can be a woman in someone else's mind.

this affects women, people assigned female at birth, transfem and transmasc people, genderqueer people, enbies and so on who express attraction to women. bisexual women have this directed toward them all the time. women who come out as bi, pan and/or polysexual get told they're dykes just for being attracted to women. any mention of sapphic attraction and you're a dyke. no matter if you're cis, trans, perisex, intersex, if you clock to them as a woman, they will call you a dyke for being attracted to women. even spending a lot of time with women can get this directed toward you

it affects trans men like crazy. most trans men and mascs are called this term throughout their childhood and early lives. if they aren't they're getting called a tomboy or something else of that nature. a lot of transmascs reclaim the slur because it's so heavily associated with antimasculism and transandrophobia. not every single transmasc and/or trans man will experience this but it's super common especially if you're butch and dress masc.

it affects trans women and transfems who don't "pass perfectly" in certain people's eyes. if we're attracted to other women, if we're hairy or have bulkier bodies or filled out jaws, deep voices or whatever else, we get called dykes. if trans women DO pass we still get called dykes, especially for spending a lot of time with other women of any identity. people are so emotionally charged about who women and femmes spend their time with that this affects trans women and femmes way more than people realize. it's transmisogynistic on top of everything else

it's racist in nature as well because any traits that are associated with masculinity present will also be targeted by this slur. women and people of color may get targeted and called dykes by cishet white racists due to the fact that they have different "beauty standards" and don't see certain traits as "feminine" or "womanly" enough. it disproportionally affects people of color, regardless of identity.

it's a slur that's layered with misogyny and antimasculism, intersexism and exorsexism, bio and gender essentialsm, transmisogyny and transandrophobia. it's lesbophobic, butchphobic and anti sapphic. it's racist. it's a slur that affects a really broad range of people and i like when people ask this question because i get to down the misconception that the slur only affects cis women who are lesbians. that's just not the case, it affects so many trans and queer people. intersex people are a large portion of the people affected by this slur and no one ever wants to talk about it.

the reason so many people reclaim it is because it affects so many parts of our identities and how other people view us. it's a very powerful slur to reclaim and it's very healing to do so, because other people use it so flippantly. even other queers will gladly call someone a dyke if they're upset. no matter what it's always waiting to be used against us, especially if we're trans men and women, intersex, people of color, and/or disabled.

it's a very powerful thing to reclaim because people seem to have zero hestitation to hit people with it no matter what. and it's important to take the power back from those people, so a lot of people choose to use it casually. it's something that i believe should be used proudly if so many people are going to judge our lives and how we should live them.

sure, maybe i am a dyke. maybe we're in agreement.

It's Mr. Dyke to you.

so thank you for asking! i hope this helps. feel free to ask, let me know if you have any other questions!

#asks #answers #dyke #reclaiming slurs #our writing #about us

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miseriathome · 4 years ago

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I regret to inform you that buffer tags don't actually work anymore and haven't for about a year and anything you tag a post means it ends up in those tags. But I do agree and also like that Momoe being cis or trans or intersex or perisex is left up to interpretation because it highlights an overlap in experiences a lot of us have with each other and I wish more people would focus on that overlap instead of arguing about what kind of girl she is when the important thing is she is a girl.

Buffer tags are for keeping posts out of /tagged, but there’s nothing anybody can do to stop from showing up in /search (aside from toggling the setting that also makes their own blog unsearchable in turn) because that tracks the body of the post as well.

But the WEP tag on my post(s) is for me and my organization. First and foremost, my blog is for me and I like being able to find stuff on it, which means that I put relevant tags on every post I make, even if they contain “inflammatory” opinions. I realize this is contrary to how the vast majority of this site uses tags, but it’s sensible and that’s what tagging is for, not the arbitrary tumblr etiquette stuff.

My post was also under a read more with a discourse warning. It’s anybody else’s fault if they’re doing a WEP /search looking for fun stuff and choose to read a hot take (which isn’t even that hot), if they chose to look at the /search page instead of the /tagged page, and if they couldn’t be bothered to consider the “pls no rebagel” tag which was on the post.

I specifically like Momoe being ambiguous because it’s realistic. In the real world, you don’t know other people’s genital configurations or medical histories or birth assignments. I’ve seen punk androgynous teenagers and wondered whether they were queer or genderqueer or trans or cis and in what direction. I’ve clocked adult men as trans only to see childhood photos of them later that verify they’re likely amab. I’ve had friends who look and live their lives as unambiguously cis except they’re closeted trans. I’ve been taken for a cis girl, cis guy, trans girl, trans guy, even before any “medical” transitioning, especially around Momoe’s age. To this day, I’m still not entirely sure whether my queer studies professor had ever transitioned or not because their appearance screamed a certain binary, but it was impossible to tell whether it went through “natural” or “artificial” puberty (those being such terrible ways of describing it, but I can’t use “cis” and “trans” because the prof was non-binary).

So yeah, just like in the real world, the important thing is that she’s a girl. Because in the real world, you're not entitled to nice simple “canon” answers, and that shouldn’t affect how you view, love, or treat a person.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anon #ask #wonder egg priority

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writeanapocalae · 4 years ago

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A Guide for Writing Trans People

Written by a Trans Man.

I’ve seen a lot of different posts on how to write trans characters (absolutely none on how to write cis characters and I am so lost on how to do that oh my goodness) but maybe I’ve got a different perspective and maybe I’ve got something you haven’t heard before. Let’s go!

Terminology

There are a lot of different genders out there, not just male and female. Some people think Trans men and women are some outside of the binary extra gender, which is very much not true. While many trans people do fall outside the binary, there are a lot who are strictly male or female. Therefore their genders are male and female. The trans part is not part of the word, it is a definer to state that the person is transitioning, that is all. So when you write trans man or trans woman the words are separate, not transman or transwoman.

A trans man is someone who is transitioning his appearance for society to view him as male.

A trans woman is someone who is transitioning her appearance for society to view her as female.

The reason I am wording it this way is because they were already their genders. They have always been their genders. Transitioning is greatly influenced by the way we are treated by society, the same way that beauty standards influence people to contour and get surgeries and whatnot.

Demi means mostly in terms of gender so a demi boy is someone who is male most of the time and a demi girl is someone who is female most of the time.

Agender is someone who has no gender

Genderfluid is someone who shifts from gender to gender

Genderqueer is someone who’s gender is nondefined by other terms

Two Spirit is a third gender that encapsulates masculinity and femininity (according to Wikipedia) that is only used by Native Americans

Third Gender is a gender that can encapsulate or be a completely different solid gender like male or female

Nonbinary is someone who is somewhere on the spectrum between genders and their gender is defined by them

Pangender is someone who has all genders

Androgyny is not something that actually relates to gender as much as it does presentation. Presentation does not inherently tell you someone’s gender. Being androgynous just means that someone fits right in the middle of societies expectations of male and female and their AGAB cannot be guessed by onlookers.

AGAB AFAB and AMAB mean Assigned Gender At Birth, Assigned Female At Birth, and Assigned Male At Birth. At birth someone will often assign a gender to a baby based on their genitals and parents tend to show off what sort of genitals their baby has with accessories and colors. Pretty creepy if you ask me.

FTM and MTF has been deemed problematic but many still use them. They mean Female to Male and Male to Female. The terminology states that the person’s AGAB is their initial gender and they are becoming the opposite when, as stated before, it’s more that they were always their gender and now society has to catch up.

Gender Nonconformity can be practiced by anyone regardless of gender. It just means that they do things that aren’t expected of someone of their gender like men wearing skirts (for some reason?) or women growing beards or a nonbinary person not being androgynous (for some reason that’s become an expectation)

Intersex is not a part of the trans umbrella, even though it is often lumped in and people who are intersex can also be trans. It is a sex (different from gender) in which different parts of genitals and chromosomes and hormones are produced in a way that deviates from the norm. Many intersex people undergo genital reconstruction or reduction surgery when they are infants (and can’t consent) in order to fit the mold better. Intersex people can be cis.

Cis just means that someone agrees with the people who assigned them a gender when they were a baby and how society treats them.

Slurs: Don’t use them. There are a lot. If you see it in a porn category you probably should stay away from it.

Pronouns

Pronouns are highly personal and can be a myriad of things so I will not be going over all of them. They do not always match presentation (a long haired man with breasts is still a man) and many people will use multiple sets of pronouns or fluctuate between them for what they feel most comfortable with.

Common pronouns are: they/them, he/him, she/her

Less common pronouns are: xi/xir, fae/faer, it/its, e/em, per/pers, ve/vir, zie/hir

Neopronouns: People make up pronouns all the time since they are personal and these new pronouns are just as valid as any others. Someone made up his and hers after all. When making neopronouns the main thing to be aware of is consistency. You want the different forms of conjugation to make sense and you want to spell them the same way every time.

Appearance

As has already been stated, there’s no correlation between gender presentation and gender and many trans people are unable to present the way they want to due to the economy, genetics, health, or community. Still, people do what they can to pass or feel comfortable in their body and these things need to be in mind during descriptions. People tend to think of the slight things that make people not pass are unattractive and will point out a woman’s 5 o’clock shadow or a man’s high pitched voice as flaws. These things do not necessarily need to be skipped over but they can be described in a way that doesn’t distract from the characters gender.

Try to stop thinking of an hourglass shape as an intrinsically feminine trait and height as an inherently masculine one. There are cis women with full beards and cis men with round jaws. Exploring different features, combining them, and seeing how they meld will give your characters more depth and help with differentiating them from one another. A good rule of thumb is, if you mention something that people don’t immediately clock as the characters gender, describe it as gender accurate.

Misgendering

This is another one that I would say don’t do but there are characters who the writers don’t always agree with. Misgendering is extremely harmful, puts trans people’s lives in danger, and can out them without their permission. The narrator should never misgender a character unless the character does not realize they are trans until the story is underway but this should be rare. The trans character would have no reason to ever misgender themself and may talk about how they presented in the past but will, most likely, still refer to themself with the correct gender. The POV character may misgender a trans character upon meeting them but after being corrected should fix their behavior unless you want your audience to dislike the POV character. Friends of the trans character should not misgender the character unless they are in a situation in which being correctly gendered would bring them harm, otherwise they’re not good friends. Family may misgender the trans character if they are not out or if the family members are terrible people.

Dysphoria/Euphoria

Dysphoria is when there’s a painful discrepancy between mind and body, like when someone knows they are one way but they don’t look the way they feel. Misgendering can be a large cause of dysphoria, as can hearing a recording of their voice, reflections, binding and tucking not hiding what the individual may want to hide, height, muscle structure, bone structure, etc.

Euphoria is the exact opposite of this. It is an extreme sensation of peace and joy in personal gender presentation. This can be caused by hormone replacement therapy, correct gendering, presenting in a way that feels natural, and acceptance.

Dysphoria is not necessary for being transgender.

Social Groups

Look around your friend group. Notice anything eerie? Notice how most of your friends are similar to you in a lot of ways, especially IRL friends? They’re people that you trust and expect to keep you safe while having a fun time with because you share interests and experiences with. Same for trans people. This is why, if you look at my friend group there’s 2 genderfluid, 1 agender, 1 nonbinary, 2 trans women, 1 trans man, and 1 cis man (who’s a cousin). If you have just 1 trans character in a group of friends it is going to read as a need for diversity points and that character is less likely to feel safe with discussing trans issues due to no one around them being able to relate.

Outing��

This is one that a lot of people have a hard time with and even trans writers mess up a lot. We all know the infamous scene of someone walking in on a trans person changing and, hopefully, we know that this is not only cliche but actually harmful as it tends to lead to the idea of “lying” when it’s really just not anyone’s business and that trans bodies must be on display. I would say that you shouldn’t have to out your character because coming out is dangerous for real trans people in a lot of situations and it normalizes the idea that trans people must doxx themselves at any moment but due to the lack of representation and the nature of novels, you pretty much have to out your characters. No amount of subtext will be as beneficial to a trans reader as cementing the fact that there’s someone they can relate to in canon. Luckily outing a trans character is a lot easier than people think.

Some of us can’t shut up. A lot of trans people will hint at it a lot and just flat out say it if they’re in similar company. If we see people who we feel confident are also queer we often drop hints that we understand we’re safe, they can come to us (especially in a retail setting), because we want a community. The amount I bring up my masculinity is very very often, to the point I’m surprised people aren’t annoyed with me. I don’t pass very well so I wear a lot of brightly colored buttons that explicitly state my pronouns. There’s also this very strong urge to correct people who use gendered language for things that don’t need gender (like sexual organs and menstrual cycles). There’s nothing wrong with just saying that a character is trans.

Resources

The best thing you can do for your story is research. The trans people you know are not google and they do not deserve to be treated like google. You can use google. Here’s some stuff I found on google:

Dummies | Transequality | EverydayFeminism | Scriptlgbt

But no matter how much research you do it’s not going to be as useful as a sensitivity reader. Once your story is complete ask people to read it as beta readers and sensitivity readers and listen to the people that fit your minority characters.

Some musicians to check out for inspiration

I have to recommend music. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t.

Agender: Angel Haze | Mood Killer

Androgyne: Florian- Ayala Flora |

Genderneutral: Grimes |

Pandrogyne: Genesis P-orridge

Two Spirit: Tony Enos | Cris Derksen

#writing advice #transgender writing #queer writers #trans writeblr #trans writing

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the-queer-look · 3 years ago

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Queer Uber Fund

Name: Gloria Demillo Age: 25 Location: Melbourne Occupation: Digital Copywriter/Poet Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Gender: Non-Binary

I used to really care about how I presented, especially in the workplace because I work in both a corporate environment, and in art spaces, people expect you to look a certain way if your gender is a certain way. Sometimes I think people expect me to be more masc, which I find strange in art spaces, I said I was Non-Binary, not that I was masc y’know? People will send me audition callouts for acting with “identifies as trans-masc” on them which is always weird. Honestly I just wear what I feel comfortable in, or for the weather, which is a statement in and of itself. Before I realised I was non-binary it was very performative – I really did dress for other people, or how they perceive me, or how I want them to perceive me. But now I just don’t care, as long as they perceive me as hot.

I’ve always had a feeling about not being straight, but I’ve never had the language for it because I grew up in a very conservative christian church. It was like “gay is bad” but all of the language around it was centred on men, with nothing to say about women being with women, or both. Like… what’s the grey area there? I was raised and socialised as a woman so… was this only a male centric sin? I started to have a language for it at uni, which helped because I found ways to discuss something I’d always felt, but didn’t know how to explain. When I look back at my childhood and how I expressed myself it just… makes sense. I had this favourite shirt, just a really dark shirt with a lion on it, and I’d always wear it with these little pink shoes with pom poms on it, and that aesthetic of really daggy clothes with really nice shoes is really the modern queer aesthetic.

It was mid 2019 when I realised I was non-binary and then I came out in October of that year, but there was such a long process. I was thinking about gender in uni, and then when I was experimenting more with how I presented myself and letting go of a lot of the ways in which I was socialised to behave. Being socialised as a woman was really violent for me – I don’t know how else to describe it – I had a lot of expectations put on me about my body, and how I should act, and how I should be in relationships, and when I was dealing with all of that gender stuff, it was very freeing to no longer have to live up to this arbitrary standard that was forced upon me. It was also much easier for me to talk about it because I was surrounded by so many lovely trans and non-binary friends, but of course talking to my cis friends about it was very… ugh...

I think when I found the language for my sexuality not much changed in the way I presented myself, it wasn’t until I found the language to express my gender as non-binary that there was a change in the way I thought about myself and how I was being perceived my relationship with my body. I really felt it, It was such a different transformation, I was so genuinely happier in my body, and stopped caring about how other people perceived me, and whether or not my presentation made sense to other people. I’ve stopped wearing clothes that are really tight. I don’t know why, but everything I had before coming out about being non-binary was very tight, very fitted, and now everything is very loose and flowy. It isn’t that I don’t like my body, I love my body, but now mostly what I wear is loose and billowy and doesn’t hug me so tightly.

To me the term Queer encompasses a description of my gender and sexuality that isn’t just one thing because its such a broad label. The way it was introduced to me was like a very radical and subversive way to refer to ones gender and sexuality, and I love that it’s been reclaimed by the community as a whole, though I completely understand those parts of the community that are uncomfortable with the term being used at all due to the way it was used in derogatory ways for so long, especially when used by persons outside the community. I’m sure that there’s going to be a generation coming up that will have no negative associations with that word, in the same way that I have younger queer friends that refer to each other using the F slur as a term of endearment, when I wouldn’t use it with most people.

I’ve always had a lot of queer friends, but I don’t think I started going to a lot of queer specific parties until the last three or for years. Queer events too, drag shows, musicians, poets and artists and other queer specific events. It hit a point where I just didn’t want to go to another straight club. They don’t feel safe, and I cannot just sit there and listen to another Ed Sheeran or Drake song when I want to dance y’know? I’m not a huge fan of the fact that queer events always focus around a party or something, I just want a quiet queer event like a queer book club or something. I’m going to join a queer climbing club or something, just be more involved.

I love being around other queer people, but there’s also a lot of racists around. Just because the event is queer does not mean the event is safe. You’d think that we would have dealt with intersectionality by now. Genderqueer people are more aware because we live on the margins of society and have for like… ever. But I find it really frustrating when people create queer events that aren’t accessible – people with different sensory needs, comfortable for people of colour, accessible for people with physical difficulties etc. I remember the first time I went to a queer club event with a quiet room and I lost my mind, like I wanna be at the club for six hours, but I want to sit down and have a break with just a little noise for a while y’know? It was so beautiful and safe.

K: What challenges do you see still facing the queer community today? Gloria: Racism

There are so many things, being trans-non-binary and a POC I get to see it all but like. People within the community that just straight up hate trans people? The phobia is coming from inside the house! Unlearn that shit queers! Some people in the community get rights? Like they can get married, get recognised, and then they turn around and say “us? we’re the good gays” shut the fuck up. Yeah, internalised phobias within the community? We need to unlearn that as a group, that’s a group effort.

Racism, ablism etc, we need to get rid of those because intersectionality is a thing. I also think that there’s so many laws that are trying to literally kill people in the community so like… I don’t know if we need to crowd fund some community lawyers or something, but we need to get some protections from these people who are out here doing their most to keep us down. I also think that cishet people really need to do better, even the ones that say they’re all about allyship will say that they’re on your side and then take you right to a straight club and like hey, what’re we doing here? I think cishet people don’t understand that there are certain spaces that, for non cishet people, are just inherently unsafe y’know? There isn’t any thought as to how their queer friends are safe going somewhere, or how they’re presenting is safe. When cishet people come into spaces that are meant for queer people yeah it’s just a party and a grand old time, but queer people don’t have that same privilege or concept of space y’know? At a straight club I could just disappear because some homophobe clocks me as queer and has a problem and what would y’all do about that? Cishet people walk around like life is this RPG that they’ve unlocked all parts of, and are free to go anywhere, and just don’t realise that there are places that they perceive as totally safe that are completely unsafe for any queer person to be in. We can’t even go to certain countries? We can’t live in certain suburbs of Sydney! People get bashed in fucking Newtown for being gay. Cishet people, especially if you say you’re an ally, or go into our spaces to have fun, why don’t you take a few seconds to think about the safety of your queer friends? Why don’t you pay for our Ubers and shit, make sure we get home? don’t just text me “are you home safe?” be about it!

Full gallery on facebook

please contact us if you are interested in taking part

#thequeerlook #queer #lgbt #lgbtqiaplus #transgender #nonbinary #gender #sexuality #portrait #photography #poc #qpoc

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 4 years ago

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If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Sixty Six

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

November 14th, 2001

“So, wait...what do I call you?” Emile asked them.

“You can still call me Jordan, man. It’s my name,” they said. “I just happen to be genderqueer, instead of a woman, like you thought.”

“Right...” Emile said, struggling to understand. “I’m sorry, I really don’t understand a lot of this, but I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, Emile, that’s why I told you,” they said, patting his arm. “Lots of people don’t understand perfectly, and those who do are usually genderqueer themselves.”

Emile nodded. “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“Of course!” Jordan exclaimed. “After seeing you with Remy, I knew I could trust you with this.”

“Wait, what? Remy? Why?” Emile asked.

“Isn’t he trans?” Jordan asked, frowning.

“Not that I know of?” Emile said.

“Oh,” Jordan said. “My mistake, then. Still, anyone who’s queer has a better chance of understanding than someone who isn’t. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Emile said, letting Jordan go. Emile’s mind was reeling. Why did Remy keep getting clocked as trans?

June 20th, 2002

Emile was living for this moment. He and Remy had just taken their first few steps into the pride parade, Emile wearing what he had dubbed his “Remy-approved skinny jeans” and an old T-shirt that looked exactly like one that Remy might wear. Remy was wearing that infernal leather jacket, a pair of blue jeans and that green gingham blouse he had gotten in February. And already, they could see dozens upon dozens of people just like them, walking around and having a good time as the pride parade was in full swing.

Remy held Emile’s hand, but the looseness of his grip meant that he wasn’t worried about losing Emile in the crowd, he just wanted to hold hands. And Emile loved it. “Where do you want to go first, Rem?” Emile asked.

Shrugging, Remy looked around. “Not sure. I’m a bit curious about that stall over there,” he pointed.

“Let’s check it out, then!” Emile said, walking Remy over there. “Hi!” he chirped at the individual running the both. “What are you representing at the pride parade today?”

“Oh, this is a stall for nonbinary support!” the individual replied.

“Non...binary?” Remy asked.

“It’s a label for people who don’t identify as a man or a woman,” the individual explained. “You may have heard the term ‘genderqueer’ before? Nonbinary is similar, but for those who don’t want to use the word ‘genderqueer.’”

“That’s an option?” Remy asked. “You really can be neither? I mean, Emile said something about this in passing before, but...”

The individual nodded. Emile looked Remy over. He looked...not perturbed, but definitely curious. “You think that describes you, Rem?”

“Hm? Oh, no. No, I’m cis, Emile, I’ve told you before.” Remy shook his head. “I’m definitely cis. I’m just curious. I’ve never heard of that as an option before.”

“Okay,” Emile said. Remy moved away a couple feet and Emile glanced at the individual at the stall. “Thanks for explaining that to my boyfriend and myself.”

“Hey, no worries,” the individual said. “Though your boyfriend? Don’t tell him, but anyone who shows that much interest in nonbinary identities? Is usually not cisgender.”

“Yeah, I know,” Emile sighed. “But he’s extremely closeted if he’s nonbinary. And I love him either way, bisexual, and all that, but...I don’t want to push him.”

“Understandable,” the individual said. “Whenever he’s ready, be there for him. We’ll all be in his corner when he decides.”

Emile nodded and thanked them, heading over to where Remy was talking with someone who seemed to be from that comic company that Remy had been obsessing over for the past year. Remy glanced at him and smiled. “Hey. You have a good conversation with them?”

“Yeah,” Emile said. “They clarified some things a little further for me. I don’t know if you’d be interested...?”

“Not at the moment, no offense to them,” Remy said. “I just have a hard time wrapping my head around that sort of thing.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Emile said. “There’s only so much new information you can take in at a time.”

“Exactly,” Remy said, looking back at the comics.

“So, anything new about the comics that you can confuse me with?” Emile asked.

Remy laughed. “Oh, come on, you’re not that interested in my stuff,” he said.

“It’s important to you, so it’s important to me,” Emile said, putting a hand on Remy’s shoulder. “Now, come on. Why don’t you at least try to explain instead of just saying you’ll immediately lose me?”

“You won’t understand,” Remy warned. “You haven’t read the comics, you won’t get it.”

“But I’m willing to try and understand,” Emile said.

Remy sighed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Not really. If you don’t explain now, I’ll ask you to explain when we’re home and you can point out parts in the comics.”

“Why don’t we do that from the start? You read and I explain when you get confused?” Remy suggested. “It would be easier with visuals, wouldn’t it?”

“I mean, maybe...” Emile said.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll explain when we get home,” Remy said, smiling softly. “And for what it’s worth...I appreciate your efforts to understand.”

Emile smiled back and when Remy took an obligatory bookmark from the booth, they kept walking inward.

After a time, they could hear music being played from one of the booths, rather loudly, and they both gravitated towards it. When they got to the booth, there was a little bit of open space, enough for two people to dance in. Emile grinned and turned to look at Remy, who was glancing at Emile. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Emile asked.

Remy just grinned and offered his hand to Emile. “Care to dance?”

Emile took the hand with a grin and yelped as Remy immediately rushed forward into the open space, just as “Mambo No. 5” started playing on the speaker. They both laughed as Remy led Emile around the small open space, their dancing not very well-coordinated with each other but having fun all the same.

By the time they reached the chorus, there was a small crowd watching them as they slowly got more in tune with each other’s moves. Remy was laughing, and Emile giggled along with him. This was great fun, and he didn’t even care that people were watching, for once. It was just him and Remy in the world, dancing along to a silly song.

As they reached the end of the song, Emile dipped Remy and swooped in for a kiss, causing the crowd around them to cheer. Remy brought a hand to Emile’s cheek near the end of the kiss, and when Emile righted them both, flushed and grinning, Remy huffed. “I have half a mind to tell you off for that kiss.”

“Aw, no one’s gonna come after us for it, Rem,” Emile said with a shrug.

Remy was still huffing a little as they moved on and another couple replaced them in front of the music. “Still. I need revenge.”

“How are you gonna—” Emile yelped as Remy slapped his butt. “Rude! You won’t let me touch your butt and yet you can touch mine?”

“Mine was in revenge, not just because,” Remy said, a smug grin on his face.

“Rude!” Emile repeated.

Remy shrugged. “Don’t deny that you like it, I know you do,” he said.

“Not the point!” Emile exclaimed.

“Look, Emile, I let you tongue me in public. A lot. And that gets me...excitable. It’s only fair that I have something to even the playing field,” Remy said.

Emile blinked. “You...get excited when I tongue you?”

Remy rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Have for at least a couple months, but probably longer. It’s not a huge deal, but it still seems unfair that you can do that but I don’t have any way to return the favor.”

Considering this, Emile adjusted his previous statement. “Okay, not rude. Just cheeky.”

“In a good way?” Remy asked.

“Is there such a thing as a good kind of brash and forward?” Emile asked.

“Yeah,” Remy said. “It’s like when someone flirts with you and asks you out on a date the first day of meeting you.”

“I wouldn’t really call that ‘brash,’” Emile sighed. “But it’s whatever, I guess. You have your revenge, now.”

Remy grinned and said, “I hope you realize I’ll do this any time you decide to tongue me in public.”

“Yeah, I kinda had that part figured out,” Emile said, rolling his eyes. He was fighting back a smile as he added, “It’s part of your charm.”

“Stubbornness is part of my charm?” Remy asked.

“Well, it’s either part of your charm or it’s a drawback, and personally, I don’t really see any drawbacks about you,” Emile said with a shrug.

“Oh, so the ‘part of my charm’ is you being an antiquities dealer trying to sell that old haunted baby doll that no one in their right mind would ever buy off you, got it,” Remy teased.

“Not exactly,” Emile said. “Because I don’t want anyone to buy you off me.”

“I—oh,” Remy said simply. “Okay.”

Emile nudged Remy. “Come on, you didn’t seriously expect me to say anything else?”

“I mean...no, but it’s one thing to expect it, another to actually...hear it,” Remy said. “I...I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

Emile shrugged. “Affirmation can be very powerful,” he offered. “Just hearing someone say that your feelings are acceptable, even if you knew that before, can leave quite an impact.”

Remy blew out a breath. “I did not expect us to get this sappy at pride. I just expected us to have a good time running around like lunatics, in all honesty.”

“Hey, we can still do that, if you want,” Emile offered.

“Maybe after grabbing something to eat? I’m getting kinda hungry.”

“Sure,” Emile agreed.

They went to the food trucks, Emile with his ID at the ready, not that he really expected to be buying any alcohol. Looking around a little bit, they settled for hot dogs and a soda each, and settled down at one of the picnic tables strewn around. “So,” Remy said.

“So?” Emile asked.

“What do you think of my outfit choice today? Be honest,” Remy said. “The skinny jeans and blouse, I know you always have thoughts when I wear stuff like this. But you almost never share them.”

“Well,” Emile paused. “I just don’t always know if my thoughts are welcome.”

“Unless you’re being insulting, your thoughts are always welcome,” Remy said.

Emile chewed on his hotdog, trying to buy some time. When he swallowed, he said, “Admittedly, I wonder if you’re actually trans when you wear this sort of stuff. Or at least gender non-conforming.” Remy got that familiar set in his jaw and Emile said, “That response! Right there! Is why I don’t bring this up.”

Remy huffed. “I’m cis, Emile. I don’t know why that’s so hard for you to understand!”

“Remy, listen. It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Emile said. “You say you’re cis, then you’re cis. Okay. I’m not trying to question your decision on your own identity. But...you certainly behave differently when you wear more feminine clothing. Not, like, noticeably to most. But you prefer being called pretty, you don’t mind me calling you ‘girl,’ and you sometimes look at women wearing feminine clothing with a sense of...longing, I guess would be the word. And you don’t do any of these things when you don’t wear more feminine clothing.”

Remy looked surprised. “I do that?”

Emile nodded.

“Huh,” Remy said. “But only when I wear my blouses?”

“That I’ve noticed,” Emile said.

“Well, what am I supposed to do with that? I can’t just be ninety percent cisgender, can I? And the other ten percent would be, what? A woman? What about the days where I don’t like being pretty or handsome? It doesn’t make sense, Emile,” Remy sighed. “I act like I’m cis most of the time, so I’m cis. That’s the best answer I’ve got.”

“Okay,” Emile said, feeling somewhat sad. Remy was just...settling for the best answer he had, instead of looking for something that might fit him better. He didn’t want Remy struggling like that for the rest of his life, but...he couldn’t force Remy to look for a label that fit better. So if Remy wanted to be cis, Emile would have to accept that. And if one day, that no longer fit, well, then Emile would be there to help Remy through the process of finding a new label that fit better. Because Emile would never not want to help Remy. “Anywhere specific you want to go after we finish lunch?”

“Not particularly,” Remy said with a shrug. “Not many places in particular that caught my interest last year. I just like the sense of community I get from coming here, more than anything else. That, and watching you loosen up some.”

Emile laughed. “I thought you said that when I loosened up I reminded you of that overly-cheery nerd you first met in college?”

“Oh, no, you do,” Remy said. “Don’t get me wrong. But it’s fun to see every once in a while.”

Emile grinned. “I love you, too.”

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

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iampoiesis · 5 years ago

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12 Passing Tips For Trans Girls (from my 2 years of HRT)

(Disclaimer)

Passing is a tricky subject. Not all trans people want to pass, because some view passing as perpetuating the problems with our culture’s idea of what gender is—that it’s a binary, and those who are genderqueer or transgender are not valid. I totally understand that argument and actually agree with it! And yet, I also have to deal with the discrimination if I am not passing. Because, being cis and passing are privileges! And so . . .

. . . I want to provide some tips that I wish I had when I started transitioning. I think these tips are also good for people who identify as masculine but want to present as more stereotypically feminine.

1. Craft a Good Skin Care Routine

When I first started transitioning I saw a lot of youtubers really stress makeup for MTFs. For me, makeup was never really an option though, partly because I’m just not very good at it, but also because I hate the sensation of having something on my face that could rub off onto someone else’s clothes lol. So if you are like me, don’t worry; getting into a good skin care routine is just as valuable!

It took me a while to learn what an actual skin care routine was. I didn’t know that there is a basic form or order that everyone follows, no matter their specific products. I didn’t know that you are supposed to apply cleanser—let dry, toner—let dry, optional serums or eye creams—let dry, moisturizer, and then sunscreen.

(For anyone interested in specifics, my routine looks like this:

Cataphil Facial Cleanser, Thayers Rose Petal Witch Hazel Toner, Optional Moisturizing Mask, ROC Retinol Corexion Night Cream (only at night), Cerave Facial Moisturizing Lotion

I personally haven’t found a facial cleanser as good as Cetaphil. I also haven’t found Toner as good as Thayers. Apparently toner is important for balancing skin PH before applying moisturizer. This can be a big deterrent for acne and decrease overall irritation of your skin, also smoothing out the appearance of pores. I love Cerave moisturizers because they have 3 ceramides that help maintain the health of your skin’s barrier, which also can help get rid of pimples and generally soothe your skin. And I use Roc retinol because I wanted the strongest over the counter cream I could get. It’s never too early to start anti-aging/blemish correction/pore minimizing treatments lol)

2. Keep Your Eyebrows Subtle

One thing I do that’s different than when I first started is with my eyebrows. I used to idealize a very thin brow and a high arch, but I don’t anymore. I think I went overboard with my brows and ended up looking less natural and more startling than I wanted to lol.

3. Pick the Right Hairstyles for Your Face Shape

So, if you talk to hairdressers, stylists, or people who went to beauty school they will tell you that, in theory, “ideal” feminine face shape is the oval and that female celebrity hairstyles often accentuate this shape in order to create the most flattering or feminine appearance possible.

So, for the girls who already have a super oval face, you don’t really have to do much I guess, but I definitely was not in that category.

I, like many trans girls, have a more square or oblong face and, consequently, I benefit from having hair that is shoulder length or longer, with some layers (especially around the face). Alternatively, you can pull pieces out of your hair (when it is pulled back) to fall around your face and frame it. This helps to not only make my head look a bit smaller (cis women usually have smaller heads than AMABs) but also created a more rounded, ovular shape.

Another thing that I find helps me pass is wearing my hear up in a high bun. This might seem counterintuitive since you would think that it would make your head seem bigger, but I think it actually helps to create that oval. I hardly ever get misgendered when my hair is up.

4. Consider Getting Fringe (Bangs)

Trans girls (especially those who transitioned in their 20s or later, like me) sometimes have a more pronounced brow ridge. This is literally just one the results of testosterone on the skull. But one easy and cute way to “correct” this, is to get medium length or long bangs. It not only hides that brow ridge but also can make your face look a bit smaller. If you think they look too boxy or thick, you can always have the stylist thin them out or put layers in them. This can look really pretty and natural.

For me, even though I don’t currently have bangs cut into my hair, I still like to pull my hair back or up and then pull pieces out to a kind of long bang section. I think it can look feminizing.

5. Go Retro with High Waisted Pants

Another anatomical difference between AFABs and AMABs is the length of the legs compared to the length of the torso. AFABs often have longer legs and proportionately shorter torsos. But don’t fear, this can be “corrected” with with some careful wardrobe choices.

High waisted pants make your legs look a bit longer and your torso a bit shorter, which is ideal. If you are having trouble keeping high waisted paints up, you can wear a belt. I personally like high waisted pants because, unlike when I wear leggings, I don’t even have to tuck to look ultra feminine.

6. Pick Up Some Crop Tops and Half Shirts

Along the same lines, crop tops and half shirts can make your torso look proportionately smaller. These can be combined with some leggings or even flowy pants that you pull up above your hips.

7. Have Fun with Heels or Moderate Platforms

You get the idea; giving your legs a boost will make your proportions match that of most AFABs better.

I personally like platforms because I don’t like wearing heels for an extended period of time but I can totally rock my platform slip-ons and boots for dayzzz.

8. Embrace Oversized Sweaters and Shirts

Oversized sweaters can actually make you look smaller, and can hide broader shoulders, especially when they are worn open with a cute formfitting top underneath or even just a camisole.

9. Wear Perfume or Body Spray

This is something I just got into recently. I think it’s one of those finishing touches that can make a big difference. People aren’t going to think you are man when you give off the most beautiful subtle scent of white jasmine lol.

And you can find a scent that feels right for you. Maybe some of them feel too feminine and that’s ok!

10. Get Into the Small Details

Along the same lines, a lot of the small details not only make you less likely to get clocked; they also make you feel great! For me this has involved doing my nails, wearing dangly or hoop earrings, and getting a few rings and bracelets from plato’s closet. (They have pieces there for $1 or $2! It’s fun!)

11. Don’t Be Afraid to Work on Your Voice

When I first started transitioning I literally felt dysphoric just thinking about my voice, so for anyone out there with the same experience, don’t feel bad! It’s ok to ignore your voice, but it’s also ok to work on it.

I watched sooo many youtube videos and even went to voice therapy, but at the end of the day, I found that just speaking the lowest part of my falsetto (that sort of weird mickey mouse voice) eventually led to me settling into something that sounded more passable.

12. Just Have Confidence and Be Yourself!

I’m sending so much love rn to all of you girls. If you want to chat more or anything, or just need some support, just send me an email [email protected]

I’m a dork, but I’m definitely myself.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

#passing tips #passing #mtf #hrt #mtf hrt #trans #transgender #queer #transisbeautiful #trans is beautiful #LGBTQIPA #LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #lesbian #dork

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beckinblack61 · 4 years ago

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One Year of Daily Blogging?

I’m watching the Unus Annus livestream right now, (may they R.I.P. by the way, hope I don’t fall asleep before the the end of it all,) and Mark and Ethan have inspired me to commit to doing something for one year in hopes of personal growth and to prove to myself that I can finish things if I simply put my mind to them (because procrastination is a b***h.) So... I might try blogging daily/online journaling starting tonight?

I don’t know if this is going to stick, or if at the least that this will stay on tumblr and not migrate to either a physical journal or something else, but I hope this will. I only started my tumblr account merely days ago, and I’m still unaware of whether or not tumblr is truly “dead” or not, as many people have suggested. I was half expecting that the website wouldn’t even work, so there’s that.

I have no plans for this. This may devolve into extremely stupid, short posts that I only make to fulfill my goal of journaling daily, or maybe (hopefully) I take this more seriously. Either way, here goes nothing.

Here is my last-minute idea of writing down my possible goals for this endeavor:

Improving my writing, vocabulary, grammar, etc. (I might pursue a career in English, but who knows as I surely don’t.)

Learning about myself/recording my advances in figuring out my gender, sexuality, identity, and other cliché things to say.

Helping my sanity through expressing myself during this pandemic and presidential election mess (oh lovely America, what a time to be alive.)

Mimicking Veronica from The Heathers (the first musical I ever saw, albeit illegally uploaded to YouTube) and having a “diary” so-to-speak during my senior year of high school. Maybe one day I can look back on this and laugh or cry or both or neither.

… And now my clock reads midnight. Staying up until 3AM is probably not a great decision, given I have a bowling match tomorrow. It’s not until 1PM though, so I should have ample time to sleep in. Sleeping from 3-9AM results in around 6 hours of sleep, which should be alright (although I know I won’t fall asleep that fast; I never can.)

This might not be the only thing I commit to doing for a year, as I have a lot of other ideas, though this is likely the one I am most likely to stick to. I would like to draw daily. I used to draw far more than I do now, which I regret leaving behind. I used to post my attempts at what some would call art on Instagram, which I quickly abandoned. I would also like to stay more on track with reading, another thing I recently have fallen behind on. My collection of the BNHA manga is staring me down from my bookshelf out of the corner of my right eye, alongside my book one of the newly released Fangirl manga, which I need to read soon to lend to my best friend that I unapologetically got hooked on Rainbow Rowell.

Is this getting too long? Quite possibly so. But if I stop doing something I fear I will fall asleep and miss the end of Unus Annus, so I will continue.

Let me get some things off of my chest to start, as I plan on being brutally honest to myself here as an outlet and to help figure out myself more easily. I may or may not be doing so as also inspired by Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin. I highly recommend you read the book if you are in need of some new literature to feed on. That book likely opened my eyes to my own gender exploration.

But as I was saying, about getting things off of my chest. I currently identify as genderqueer, under the non-binary umbrella. I’m fairly unsure of my gender, and am open for it to continuously change, so I am inclined to refrain from labeling it. If I were to try and clarify further, I might go with demi-boy, genderfluid, or gray-gender. I think I lean more masculine than anything, though I’m not certain. I feel fairly unattached to the idea of gender for myself, personally. The lines are blurred for me as far as what it means to be a “boy” or a “girl”. (Side-note: I need an Unus Annus tattoo.)

Something that adds to this confusion is my sexuality, in an odd way. Is this TMI? I don’t know. No one is likely seeing this anyways. I’m either pansexual or bisexual, depending on your definition of either. I think I can love anyone of any gender identity, if I simply love them as a person. I may have a strong bias for men. And, I think I prefer the thought of a guy who refers to me with male pronouns? So who knows, I may be trans and also gay. Or entirely queer, both in the sense of sexuality and gender. I’m still figuring things out and may never will. Is that slightly terrifying? Yeah, maybe.

But, the catch is that I’m not out yet IRL. One person in my life, my best friend, knows I am pansexual. I’ve been considering telling them about being genderqueer and leaning masculine. I haven’t yet. I don’t know if I should bring it up yet? Because I don’t know my gender fully, I’m concerned about telling someone one thing and then deciding that I’m not that the next day. Is this technically imposter syndrome or something? I don’t know. I feel like I’ve heard somewhere that if you’re worried about not being trans, you’re likely trans as a comfortably cisgender person wouldn’t be worried about not being trans. Who knows if that’s true.

So. I’m genderqueer and bi/pan and in the closet basically about all of it to basically everyone. Lovely.

Also, as you could probably guess, Briar is a name I only recently chose to go by. Recently meaning in the past few days. I hope Briar leans masculine, though I’m unsure of whether it truly does or not. I just think it fits me better. I’m AFAB (assigned female at birth.) Only some of my social medias have received the name change: my Instagram, my Reddit, and my Pinterest. My Instagram technically hasn’t fully been changed yet, as I am currently locked from changing my name for 2 weeks for no reason, but my technical username has changed. I need to change my google account name, but, being tied to my YouTube, which my brother is subscribed to, I don’t want to set off any possible alarms just yet.

Why “BriarInBlack61″ then? Well, black is one of, if not my only, favorite color. It makes up the majority of my closet. (Yes, so originally edgy, I know.) The number 61 is in reference to what is arguably the best chapter of Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, another book I highly suggest you read. Carry On is likely my favorite book I’ve ever read. I adore Simon and Baz with all of my heart and am very curious as to what Anyway The Wind Blows brings.

Again, I apologize for the length of this post. Alas, it has only reached 1:19AM now. Should I retire this post?

I probably should, in hopes of leaving something to elaborate on tomorrow. Good day or good night to whoever has stumbled upon this book of a post. May I hopefully not fall to sleep before 3.

Sincerely,

Briar

Saturday, November 14, 2020, 1:26 AM

#daily journal #unus anuus #one year

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cleverthylacine · 3 years ago

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Right? And they don’t even take into consideration how old the people are, or what race they appear to be?

Like, people who appear to be female gain power with age just like people who appear to be male do, UNTIL they start looking like they might be 50, and then we lose that privilege unless we have very high status jobs.

Like, what if the cis woman appears to be white and the trans man is black? (When my hair was dark, what race I appeared to be changed with how I dressed and did my makeup and I could fucking tell what people were thinking. I’m adopted and probably a Heinz 57. Now that I’ve somehow managed to go blonde instead of going grey, I’m clocked as white no matter what, but.)

Privilege shifts with the wind. It has everything to do with who you appear to be to the person who has the most power in the situation you’re in. That’s why poor white straight men who live where there’s maybe 3 black people think they don’t have privilege; they don’t pay attention to women’s lives and they’re seething in racism but it’s all like, theoretical because they see a black person once a week outside of TV. I am genderqueer, almost certainly mixed but very pale for a mixed person, and I used to have long black hair; I have invisible disabilities. I’ve passed as all sorts of things, often without even realising it. (Don’t be taken for a half-Japanese native in a Japanese police station at 2 AM because you know a tiny bit of Japanese. I don’t recommend this AT ALL. They refused to speak any English to me and my Japanese wasn’t up to the things they were saying. Fun fact: if you dress more like a Japanese native than an American tourist and you look like me, people will follow you around in department stores just like they do black people in America--I couldn’t figure out what was up until I did figure out what was up and then I laughed my ass off.)

I sometimes wish everyone could have a little bit of my experience because then intersectionality would make more sense to them. Until you know how people behave differently when they think you’re one thing or another, it’s just...too easy to believe that your life’s challenges are the toughest ones out there.

When people asks questions like “Do trans men hold privilege over cis women” all i can think of is that post where op says “this is how you all think privilege works” and its a pokemon damage type effectiveness chart

#intersectionality

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capitalism-must-die · 6 years ago

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Unit 2: theorizing disability identity

I love the way this class makes my head spin, the way the readings make my head hurt, and really force me to introspect the foundations of the way I think and view and see the world. I’m not new to this feeling, and actively seek it, because it signals that I’m transforming my mind, my thought processes, my feelings, my instincts, my actions to be more aligned towards allyship and accompliceship. This class and these readings force me to challenge and question my preassumed notions, my ableist perspective, and also to channel the parts of me which put myself on the nondisabled-disabled spectrum/map. I really am grappling with this idea of what constitutes a disabled person, who can claim that identity, and the internal hierarchies that exist within disability communities. I believe that identities which are oppressed (constitute oppressed groups) and constitute the basis of people for systematic oppressions (black people, immigrants, latinx people, muslims/middle eastern people, disabled people, LGTBQI+ people, old people, women, indigenous people, incarcerated people, leftists, etc.) are socially constructed, but that the fact that they are socially constructed does not reduce the materiality and reality of material conditions faced by these identities because they are living people of these identities. Its important that when reading my writing, the reader understands that this is the way in which i navigate my life and analyze the world around me. these identities which fall on the spectrum of oppressed and privileged (and it is never that neat--internal hierarchical power play and oppression is very much real and must be addressed) are a social construction, and we really all exist on a spectrum of the basis of these identities (and binaristic thinking is a social construction). However, binaristic thinking allows us to find common identity among shared experiences, similar conditions and materiality of abuses, discrimination, microaggressions, oppressions felt and which constrain us. this brings up the issues of “passing”--the concept that someone of an oppressed identity (which is contextual) can “pass” as someone of the privileged identity. We most commonly hear the example of “white-passing” i.e. someone who is of not-white background who passes or looks white and is thus pegged or read or clocked as white. Thus a person who is of non-white background but is white-passing faces a unique conundrum in between these worlds of race-is-a-social-construction-and-on-a-spectrum and of material opressions faced by those who are not white and not white-passing.

My favorite reading of this unit is “Un/covering: Making Disability Identity Legible” by Heather Dawn Evans. I have my own experiences with passing and un/covering related to my ‘ambiguous race,’ religion, and ethnicity. It goes beyond these categories, spilling into disability (something I don’t identify as out of respect to those who I think experience harsher material conditions and oppression--a notion I am challenging increasingly with this class), gender, and sexuality. It is through my own experiences, and the experiences of my comrades (specifically trans and nonbinary) that allow me to understand the ideas behind this reading in an intimate, interconnected, and empathetic way. I’ve found myself, as a process of my continuous political awakening and radicalization, asserting myself as a person of color, but more specifically, as a (genderfuck*) womxn** from the middle east, a womxn who is culturally muslim, a womxn who is a first-generation amerikkkan. I have become aware of the ways I’ve internalized westernization and feminization, or in other words, ways I’ve suppressed my ‘natural’ state of being to be more like a woman (which takes on different meanings in both muslim and amerikkan culture, sometimes reinforcing each others’ toxic ideals), to be more civilized, docile, apolitical, amerikkkan. I use natural in quotes because its 9/10 a bullshit term that is rooted in medicalized heteronormative patriarchial western understandings of how humans should be. Perhaps the way I use it is problematic too, that’s something to unpack later. And in my crude politicization, I actively reassert my body as it is and my ideas as they are. And i think defying what the ‘triple three’ expect of me (society/institutions/shaping-ideologies at large, interpersonal relationships esp. family, and internalized expectations/oppressions) is inherently political. For example, vocalizing my experiences and frustrations with birth control and discourse of periods and period pain. For example, not shaving. I’ve shaved or otherwise removed every inch of hair on my body for over 4 years. We’re talking toe hair, finger hair, hand hair, arm hair, underarm hair, leg hair, belly hair, nipple hair, pubic hair, forehead hair, cheek hair, moustache hair, chin hair, ‘stray’ eyebrow hair, you-name-it hair. This is a direct result of the society we live in. It’s capitalism and sexism and white supremacy, working together. It’s telling me that there’s something wrong with me, my hair. It’s telling me that especially since I am not-white, since I am middle eastern, that my more-than-white-women-hair is especially ugly and gross, and thus especially necessary to remove from everyone’s sight. To not shave is political. To not wear a bra when I don’t need to for my own comfort/health is political. To be genderfuck or genderqueer or to accept any set of pronouns is political. Now that I’ve stopped shaving certain parts of my body, my race is less ambiguous. I’ve become more not-white. I am un/covering. I am actively asserting myself as not-feminine-conforming, as not-white, as hairy, as hairy womxn, as middle eastern, as turkish. The same goes with my headscarf, crocheted for me by my relatives in turkiye. I am not a practicing muslim--of my own choice, the only in the family to denounce islam--yet i identify with muslims, especially first-generation muslims, much more so than I can or do identify with white folk. I am ambiguous-looking--I am not white but I am not muslim, or muslim enough, or middle eastern enough, or arab enough. So I assert myself, by wearing my headscarf, as a political act, as a symbol of resistance to white conformity, as a symbol of assertion of my identity. In such ways, I related to the article a lot. It must be said that asserting race is different from asserting disability. There are different things at stake, different consequences, different material conditions and oppressions faced, different directions of passing and un/covering and assertion, different reasons why, different levels of comfort found in assertion. I understand and take these in fully. I don’t mean to draw similarities in a way that is naive or shallow. Our similarities should bring us together and be foundations for acts of solidarity against the same matrix of domination, against the same matrix of oppressions that confine us and categorize us and center the world around people that are not us. The same is to be said of my trans and non-binary comrades who use they/them pronouns as an act of political resistance against gender categorization, against social constructions. This isn’t to take away from those who face material oppressions and discrimination for non-binary gender expressions. By asserting non-conformation to the privileged identities in society, we are taking pride in who we are, but more importantly, making it important that we access the resources we need and highlight the fundamental shortcomings in current institutions to oppressed people.

*genderfuck--i.e. i recognize gender as a social construction, don’t believe in gender (altho recognize and experience daily sexism, patriarchy, misogyny), take on she- or they- set pronouns **womxn--I use womxn to mean the group of people who identify as women either through biological sex or gender i.e. folks with wombs and thus are necessarily part of the reproductive justice conversation and folks who identify as women

#gws300

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wodenscild · 2 years ago

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HOLD UP I JUST RE-READ SOME OF THE CONVERSATIONS WE HAD AND THING ABOUT WORK POLICY AND NOT BEING ALLOWED TO DYE YOUR HAIR GREEN

I mean I wouldn't do it if i were you cause green hair turns like barf yellow if exposed to too much sunlight- But the fact you aren't allowed to??

So since you have brought me back on the topic of dyed hair i will now talk about it cause well why not.

Every hair color has a weakness! Like elements in a video game! Greens weakness is sunlight (turns ugly yellow if exposed too much), purple = water (turns green??) And for other colours i dont know but i will look it up later!

Back to meanies cause my brain wants to tell people that actually take me serious about how shitty humans can be

So haha yeah remember i said that people don't bully about LGBTQIA? Yeah but trans, poly, Omni, neogender/neopronouns are an exception

Also people tend to go for clothing style, like i get called "emo" by strangers cause i have a black leather jacket. Like what?? Also the word homo (gay in dutch) is a taught curseword and often used as a insult. Even tho people say it's "a joke" also any art is greatly discouraged by the students (the teachers find it awesome)

I don't really have friends at my school but ehh i don't need them anyway, i have friends on a different school and i might even transfer to that school in two years or so. But here's why i didn't go to that school in the first place

So there's a lot of levels of difficulty in schools here, and gymnasium is the hardest, after that VWO then havo (Wich I'm doing) and that school is a gymnasium and they teach latin and Greek there and you can't choose to not do that until year 3 Wich uhh i struggle with languages a lot so no thanks. But also you can do exams in 7 different languages (Spanish, english, french, latin, Greek, deutsch and dutch) there wich isn't standards, also you can graduate in art, music and acting wich also isn't standard, i think you would like the languages since you are rlly good with them- Words hard for me :( that school also has about 3000 people that's the same amount as the people in my village- I'm now at a school with about 700 people Wich is less overwhelming :D

AND SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT THAT CLOCK AT CHURCH UP IT HAS BEEN RINGING FOR 10 MINUTES ALREADY HHHHHGG IM GETTING A HEADACHE

Oh yeah almost everyone is Christian in my village- also sorry for ranting i needed to get that off my chest- am feeling much better :D have a nice timezone (also you don't have to read the whole thing... It's just me complaining) Yeah i should walk my dog bye

-Mystery anon 1

Oh of course never apologise about ranting dear heart ^~^ by the by if you ever need to rant but don’t want the ask posted to my blog, just say so :D I have also gotten around to FINALLY tagging personal weas as #wodensasks so they are much easier to find-

BUT YEAH- I think that is the other reason why I didn’t go for green is cos of the Sun- my slice of the world is like- EXTREMELY SUNNY for no reason & Highkey is transphobic so I can’t do my hair whatever colour I like úwù currently I have black hair, but have kept the ends blonde cos I think that is sexy (before black, my hair was bleached a few months back so it was a whitish yellow & gods was it sexy)- naturally I am brown but :] so before I went to black my roots had a split tone of blonde & brown!

As seen above 😌

& gods yeah transphobia & genderqueerness are just- strangely targeted?? I have no idea why but gods does it string when someone attacks you on the basis of that :// my sibling had to leave school Cos of the bullying it was that bad. Now they study online like I do SKFKDKSK

I hope you do find friends but :] they aren’t by any means a necessity, but they are nice to have around! I know I certainly miss my lil group- even though in real life I am a massive introvert XD Was a massive introvert? Idk I feel like my boundaries has grown less & less over the year- maybe I ought to go out to a cafe some time & talk to people UwU

& Oof :(( yeah languages definitely aren’t for everyone. I think the only reason that I am so confident with Spanish despite studying for only a few months is just cos I have friends to use it with! I don’t study it with my university yet (I am considering it next year- but I would honestly be too OP in it DKFKSKFKS I also want to do Chinese cos it is just such a neat language :] & it’ll give me an excuse to study mongol xhel again!) Small schools are great but! My highschool was only like… 1,500 students? All my units at uni are pretty small too! Only like 50 students are doing sociology too (my teacher says this is cos no one really values skills of thinking differently & criticising sociedad. But oh well~~)

& mood- we have Christians in every nook 😔 I am considering wearing a spearhead to work cos while jewellery is not permitted, culturally significant jewellery is! So I could say that it is a symbol of Wōden that I wear- & due to anti-discrimination laws they can’t do anything about it >:3 afterall why do THEY get to wear their crosses & I don’t get my obsidian on twine o_o JDKDKAKD

#wodensasks

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setabane · 3 years ago

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The Shifting Landscape of Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria In Botswana

A project based on the meaning behind Gender Dysphoria and Gender Euphoria in Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming People.

Words by Cassim Cassim

Gender Dysphoria- a noun that describes the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth.

While Gender Euphoria is the positive homologue of gender dysphoria. Transgender and Gender Non-confirming people are celebrated respectfully in world wide media, however, it hasn’t always been like that, and since we’re ten steps behind first world countries, there’s a clear and crippling erasure of people who belong in the trans/gender non-confirming community. It is a complex reality living as a trans body in Botswana, a rather stigmatized and brutally condemned experience. I, on one hand being a trans non-binary individual, have experienced a fair shake of blatant transphobia and as thought coming to terms with ones gender identity is liberating and rather benefic to ones existence, it is excruciating malefic in the eyes of Botswana’s conservatism. However there’s a long way to go in order to dismantle Botswana’s rigid gender confines.

The path to self-actualisation is never easy, arduous and emotionally challenging, however, trans individuals can uncover a luminous part of them that feels euphoric. A lot of people, including myself, experiment with expression, presentation and self-conception in order to navigate through what feels good and what doesn’t in order to relish the idea of what your gender identity is. Being transgender and gender non-conforming in Botswana is an endurance test, and the worst thing about being genderqueer is that there are other people’s opinions and ignorance to suffocate you. Existing in the confines of an increasingly hostile and complex society as a marginalized community is a game of transphobia thrown at you disguised as conservatism or blatant ignorance.

It is quite significant to know that the younger generation are becoming well aware of the gender spectrum, it is more pertinent that Botswana needs to learn more about trans individuals. This week being Non-Binary Awareness week, SETABANE has the privilege of interviewing Transgender Gender Non-Conforming Person Vesta, narrating her experiences with being trans in Botswana and experiencing gender euphoria and dysphoria.

1.What is your name and gender identity?

Vesta: She/Her and They/Them

2. What was it like documenting your queerness as an openly trans body?

Vesta: I had a lot of fun doing the shoots because I was around other queer people. I think the only worry I had was me being dysphoric no matter how good the shots were.

3. What does gender dysphoria and euphoria mean to you?

Vesta: Euphoria is peace of mind and end to a dull gnawing feeling. Dysphoria can sometimes mean safety with great pain. Having to hide who I am can be rather triggering.

4. What does that feeling feel like to you?

Vesta: when I'm dysphoric it feels like I'm drowning there's this deep sense of dissociation. Being euphoric feels like I'm taking in air after a deep dive.

5. What are your experiences with being trans person in Botswana like?

Vesta: I must open the answering of this question and acknowledge that I do carry some privilege even though I am mixed race I am white passing to some extent. It should also be note that I can at times 'pass' meaning to be perceived as the gender I identify as. Even so I have been cat called harassed and then had rude remarks shouted at me if I get clocked. I have noticed that the more feminine I presented the more I have gotten harassed. I've had men flirt with me and constantly worry for my safety. I've had guards at [University of Botswana] wait for me to fill in the gender section only so they could laugh at me. I think some people get a little shocked when I tell them that I've dated and still do date women. It seems a common perception is that all transwomen are just the idea of Gay men taken to the extreme. When in fact gender and sexuality are two different things.

Credits:

Project Managers: @folla.dora

Photographers: @wenz_hd @archhanngel @preach.sosa

Model: @vesta.grey

Edited by: @sekatixo @avntgod

#SETABANE

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feeshies · 2 years ago

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here's that longer post, but keep in mind i'm halfway through a bottle of soju rn

so as a binary trans person, i often had a difficult time understanding the really specific genders and gender identities i'll see. obviously i'll still support them, but i had trouble understanding. and that's just because my gender journey has been different.

sometimes (in less than positive circles) i'll see bad faith arguments against people with these genders like "the census isn't going to mark you down as 'catgender' lmao" which is annoying because i've never seen anyone say that?

the thesis of this post started to prickle in my head when i saw genderqueer mutuals of mine reblogging that post that was like "what is the gender identity you describe yourself as around cis people, and what's the specific one you actually identify as?" reading through people's responses and the way they described the nuances of their genders made me go

"oh shit, it's all music"

because if i'm listening to altar of plagues and my coworker asks what kind of music i'm listening to, i'm just going to say "metal". and if my grandma asks, i'll just say "rock". but if i'm talking to another person who i know is familiar with metal, that's when i feel like i wouldn't be wasting my breath going into specifics. because i know they'd know how describing a band as "black metal" is different than describing one as "power metal" or whatever.

that's what a lot of bad faith arguments around nonbinary genders don't seem to realize. they're not for the cishet majority to understand. i'd even argue that they're not for binary trans people to understand either, considering it took me this long to understand.

but it seems like when people talk about their gender through the lens of anything that goes beyond just male, female, or even strictly nonbinary, it comes from a place of wanting to discuss the nuances of gender identity.

like here's an interaction between two hip-hop heads that has never happened:

person 1: i like memphis rap -- specifically horrorcore.

person 2: okay, i have no followup questions. let's talk about something that has nothing to do with rap or music.

like if someone is coming out as cloudgender to you, it's because they think you're someone who can hang and talk about what that means. what does "cloudgender" mean to you? is it the constantly-shifting state? the association with the weather? the moodiness? the same way two people could have a 6 hour heated discussion about the differences between delta blues and hill country blues, but if you played a charley patton song back to back with an rl burnside song, some people who aren't familiar with blues won't be able to tell the difference. you might as well play the same song twice. so if someone identifies as a demigirl in some circles but to you they just say they're nonbinary or even just "female", they clocked you as a gender normie lol.

and just like gender, genre "doesn't exist", but it still has societal impact. a lot of the blues i listen to wouldn't sound out of place next to country artists. where are the lines? race? class? culture? all of the above? and this becomes muddier when you look at marketing. being plastered with a specific genre can be the kiss of death for your mainstream career, or the thing that pushes you to the top. it's a social construct, but we are social people.

anyway, i hope this makes sense. as a binary trans person i'm not sure where i fit in this analogy. maybe it's like i listened to a bunch of specific subgenres and went like "yeah these all scratch the same itch for me". but if people find meaning within the nichest of niche genres, i think that's amazing. you are an onion and you just kept peeling. when i see people with identities like bloodgender or flowergender, i see someone with a much more nuanced and complex relationship with their gender than i ever could have. i see poetry. i see music.

the booze is catching up with me.

Remind me to make a longer post about this later, but I think there's an interesting similarity in the way nonbinary (or genderqueer people in general) talk about the nuances of their gender and how people really big into specific music scenes talk about the nuances of the genres they listen to. Like there's the description you give other people in your community, and the "normie" description you give to people who aren't as familiar. And "genre" and "gender" are both constructs in similar ways too. Just my little binary observation tho.

I'll expand more on this later. But anyway, start asking people what genre they are and what gender of music they listen to.

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ikarigai · 7 years ago

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Colors of Evil Chaper 4(ish)

Aight so this is for @wipweek day one oldest work in progress.

This was pounded out in 15 minutes from the mesh of ideas the doc was so here is roughly what chapter five would be since none of it is published yet. Also once again this is posted form mobile.

So here is my Power Rangers 2017 sequel fic featuring five familiar faces from the classic 90s that is basically the Green with Evil arc but with five Evil rangers that were once friends with the rangers. And basically before this for context we get five new kids in detention(Tommy, Katherine/Kitty, Rocky, Adam and Aisha) and they each bond with a ranger and then the third chapter focused on them we learn that Tommy is a closeted trans girl who is working on a name as so uses part of her last name as her name, Olive. Also Adam is genderqueer and goes by Ada on days they feel more feminine and stuff.

And meanwhile in her formerly abandoned Moon Base Rita gets it up and running and sends down to Earth not only her power coin but four new ones she made, a white, gold, silver and purple.

So the squad that aren’t rangers go investigate the quarry cause a meteor landed there let’s check it out and they find the power coins, police don’t like that there tresspassing the van go’s off a cliff and now your all caught up to the present story line.

So here it is at last — The car drove off the cliff–

Rocky woke up suddenly to his alarm blaring and without thinking he hit it to turn it off.

The alarm stopped at the price of the clock being brutally smashed into pieces.

“The hell?” — Adam- No Ada, today was an Ada day- woke up in her bed even though yesterday she had driven the van with her friends inside it off a cliff.

“That was a weird dream,” and with that she started looking around the room for her wig and make-up.

The make-up was found easily enough in the same place it always was on her dresser but her wig was missing.

And Ada did not have time for this she had to get all the things ready so she could at least lessen the dysphoria today.

And that was when she still saw it, the rock from her dream- from last night.

Gold plated with a smooth circle of shining silver on the inside. What had Aisha called them last night, coins?

In other news she had survived the drop down off a cliff with no injuries and just woke up in her bedroom.

Here that went for anything being normal. — Aisha woke up to her mother knocking on the door

“Aisha! You need to get ready for detention.”

“Got it Mom.”

And she promptly rolled off the bed and heard something snap beside her, making a sound of annoyance she stood up to see… part of the metal bed frame destroyed from where she’d kicked it rolling off?

The bed was new and she didn’t have any pain in her foot even, she couldn’t feel any at least. How did it just break the moment she kicked it?

“What the hell?” — Kitty woke up to a phone call and grabbed it half asleep

“Hello you have reached Katherine Keahola. Have fun not getting a conversation cause I’m trying to sleep–”

“Kitty I need help.”

And with that she bolted up, all sleepiness leaving her body “Olive? What’s wrong? Did your parents…”

“No… But something’s happened and I need help. Get everyone else and I’ll meet you at the park.”

Her best friend hung up and Kitty made a noise of confusion and worry in response as she went to go to the bathroom.

Finishing up in there before splashing some water in her face she finally noticed something that wasn’t there yesterday and shouldn’t be there either.

“How in the world do I have abs?” — Olive woke up and something was immediately different about her body.

Rolling over shakily she then rushed to the bathroom and vomited everything she had ever eaten in her life out of her body and into the toilet.

A knock sounded on the door “Tommy, you okay in there son?”

She flinched before calling back “Yeah Dad, I’m fine.”

Footsteps sounded past and she shakily stood before looking in the mirror.

And it took every bit of her will not to scream in delight/shock.

Staring back at her was the girl she was, more delicate features not touched by testosterone, small breasts formed practically overnight underneath her tank top. Yet her Adam’s apple and other things she disliked were still there.

And she wasn’t out to anyone but four people and hadn’t taken any estrogen at all. Heck, with a scarf she could easily pass for a cis girl.

It’s then she noticed the rock from last night, glittering on the corner of the sink.

Olive picked it up gently, turning the polished green stone she got in the quarry last night over in her hands.

“What exactly are you?”

#wip week #mmpr reboot #silver writes #trans female character #genderqueer character #this was made in 15 minutes #it's probably really bad

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freakishlemon · 7 years ago

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the gendering and socialization of work lately with regards to my growing frustrations with my youngest brother, so I’m throwing words at this screen. Might be interesting to you folks, might not, so I’m putting it behind a cut below.

((Read More should start here, mobile users))

So some basic background, I’m the oldest of 4 kids in my family and we live in a rural town that’s been start-stopping it’s way to suburbia sorta kinda maybe, so our upbringing is pretty squarely centered in this little corner of the world. There me (trans-masc genderqueer) born in ‘88, there’s my sister (woman) born in ‘90, middle brother (man) born in ‘92, and the youngest brother (man) born in ‘96. Myself and the middle brother both still live at home, but we are employed and are paying off loans or looking into continuing education, so we’re doing pretty well. My sister has been moved out with her fella and their co-owned pets and she started her own business last year, in addition to subsidizing her income with part-time bar-tending/restaurant gigs when she needs to. All three of us have completed the middle-class white person requirement of earning a Bachelor’s degree (yay debt :/ ).

My youngest brother has a chronic gut illness and had to have surgery on his intestines last December, which prompted him to really think about his college education (that he was failing) and opt to not finish school. I think that was a surprisingly mature decision for this brother. So he takes the time to recover from the surgery and he’s been back to his normal for a while now, so my parents have been prompting him to start seeking employment since about March-ish.

He’s still unemployed, which does not surprise me based on our location/job market/the incredible hell that is Finding A Job, but I find myself and I see my parents becoming more and more frustrated with him.

Now, my parents’ frustration I understand because they’re in their late 50s/60s and they do all those prior generation stereotype things like tell you to make a million follow up calls and go bother the management and just start asking businesses for jobs, which is what they know. The rest of us sympathize with that portion of my brother’s current position, but... it occurred to me that my youngest brother is doing nothing to alleviate this from my parents because he hasn’t learned how to deflect them.

Because he’s looking for his first job.

His. First. Job.

It hit me this morning that the way our society socializes work for afab folks starts so god damn early. If we define a job as Somewhere You Are Scheduled To Be To Perform Work, I started working at 11 at my local library as a volunteer. I outgrew the summer reading program for the young kids and there was nothing for the older kids. I had to be there for my siblings because I was too young to stay home, so I was shelving books or assisting at the Scholastic book fair. Listen, I worked at this library as a volunteer for so long that the retiring children’s librarian had me run the summer reading program for two years, then she retired and there wasn’t a children’s librarian for a year so I ran the summer reading program, AND THEN I TRAINED THE NEW CHILDREN’S LIBRARIAN ON HOW TO RUN A SUMMER READING PROGRAM. It was her first librarian job and I was sixteen.

My sister started doing the same thing when she aged out of the summer reading program. My brothers didn’t.

But if we count paid work, my sister and I took our first job together at 14 and 12 when we were offered a pretty sweet babysitting gig. We’d finish middle school, walk over to the elementary school down the street to pick up this first grade girl, and hang out at the library doing homework for an hour and a half until the girl’s mom could come pick her up. Three days a week, paid on Thursday like clock work.

And we both did things like that until we were old enough to be legally hired - babysitting gigs, pet sitting, helping older people with physical tasks (I mean, mostly my grandma just having us doing a day’s worth of chores for pizza and ten bucks, but it’s still work).

And we applied for jobs all through high school and if we didn’t have jobs during the school year, we went for summer jobs. The only time either one of us was without something for at least part of the summer was my summer before senior year of college when I was s c r a m b l i n g for an internship to meet my graduation requirements (the coordinator at my school was no god damn help and I’m still mad about it).

Neither of my brothers was prompted to find paying work until after highschool, except when family friends needed pet sitters and my sister and I were already working. They were only encouraged to do volunteer work during highschool because it was a graduation requirement.

I was unemployed for a few months after graduating college, which is pretty normal, and that’s when I learned to balance out the actual reality of job hunting and my parent’s expectations of it. And you know the easiest way I found to do that? Work around the god damn house. Do all the dishes. Sweep floors. Vacuum. Is there a junk closet mom’s been meaning to go through? Empty it out, clean it, and go through what needs to be done with the stuff, and then do it for her so that she only has to make the decisions without taking her two days off to do it herself. Shit like that. Honestly? Yep. Yeah mom, I put in nine applications today, one of the places I applied to last week should be calling by the end of the week, and look at your sparkling kitchen. Done. I acknowledge my advantage of being a physically healthy person to pull this off and the amazing support of my friend who would call me at six in the morning to wake up my ass to take a walk, talk shit out, and then start the day with a scheduled thing. I know that’s not in the cards for all of us, but even doing a few simple chores like wiping off the flat stove top did a lot to get my parents off my back.

(Once my sister started working for actual paychecks, she’s pretty much always been employed because she rocks at this stuff. When she got her at-time-dream-job-in-her-actual-degree-field at a photo studio for $50k a year, she had three part time restaurant jobs and still managed to have more of a social life than I’ve ever had. And then when she hated that job, she started her own business and is making it work. She’s a rock star. It’s amazing.)

So my middle brother was unemployed for the better part of a year after his retail summer job stopped giving him hours and he was searching for a job in his field-ish. He wasn’t socialized to pick up housework the way my sister and I were, but due to his recently-diagnosed-bipolar-flavoured mental illness (i’m not sure the exact diagnosis, but it’s in the bipolar type family) he would have manic episodes and needed shit to do to manage his brain so it quickly became a thing that mom would leave him a list of shit that had to be done around the house each day/week and he would get it done (less done on depressive days, but still to the point of acceptably done). He built the routine and when he couldn’t get calls back for interviews, he sought out gig jobs from friends and family, which is how he ended up in his current job. And even now after lots of balancing acts and sorting himself out, he’d on a pretty even keel these days, but if he’s got fewer work hours than the rest of us that week and mom leaves him a list, he gets the must-dos done.

My youngest brother was diagnosed with his gut illness at 9, which is a shit hand of cards to be dealt. Flare ups are bad and can lay him out for days. I know that’s a part of his life and is probably affecting how he’s looking for a job and all, but... it’s very frustrating to me that this is his first job hunt (or temporary gig hunt) and he’s 21.

He was prompted to get summer jobs while he was in college and relatively healthy, but it wasn’t enforced by my parents on him the way it was on the middle brother and certainly not the way it was enforced on my sister and I. It’s very frustrating to me that my mom will leave a list for my youngest brother with things like 1) empty dishwasher, 2) do your laundry, and 3) play with the dog outside for 20 minutes, and not a single one of those things has been done by the time my mom or I get home (we have similar work schedules). And my mom’s response is to just roll her eyes and grudgingly do it or ask me/middle brother to do it. She doesn’t make him do it. She’s never assigned him to make a simple dinner for the rest of us, the way she has middle brother and myself. She’s never assigned him big projects (clean the basement, vacuum the whole house, scrub out the refrigerator) the way she has middle brother and myself, even as something to be done over the course of the week instead of that day.

It’s just super frustrating to hear him snap at my parents when they pester him about getting a job because mom, dad, middle brother, and myself are doing full time jobs plus sometimes side jobs (middle brother is running a daily livestream and/or podcast, I’m slowly working fiber work business stuff into my life, mom’s starting a yarn dyeing business) PLUS ALL THE HOUSEWORK and he’s sitting there in his room all day filling out applications for a bit and then playing video games for fourteen hours.

Like... I’d feel less frustrated if I knew or suspected it was the gut illness or something that was kicking him all the time, but I don’t think it is. We learned to recognize that kind of stuff when he was in school because there were times when he could only do a half day or couldn’t go at all. Honestly? I just don’t think he knows how to work. Not the way my sister’s and my gendered upbringing taught us. Not the way my middle brother’s mental illness and brain coping taught him. We ended up as people who need stuff to do during the day. It just looks to us like he’s not trying when the reason he hasn’t emptied the dishwasher in two weeks without my mom standing there making him do it is “I forgot."

Just... ffffguh. Venting.

#real life stuff #frustrated #family things

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supershylockfandom-blog · 7 years ago

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The Whirligig of Gender Will Have Its Revenges

Over the course of our trip, I was very vocal (perhaps too vocal) about two things in particular:

1) Twelfth Night is my favorite Shakespearean play (save for the possible exception of Hamlet, but lately the odds have tipped from his favor to Viola’s).

2) I absolutely loathed the Globe production that we attended.

By the end of the play, I was deeply incensed (not to mention a few drinks in)-- so much so that I couldn’t stand to stay for the triumphant finale jig and left early. After that, I called home and ranted to my younger sister until I felt calm again and went back to my flat. To be clear, I have never been so emotional about disliking a theatrical (or cinematic) production of anything to this day. I’ve even seen Twelfth Nights I’ve liked less than the one we saw as a class without being half as disturbed or upset by them. “Why then, did this particular version have such an effect on you?” You are not asking yourself this question, because my opinion is neither here nor there to anyone but myself; I wondered this while half-drunk, actually, and later, once sober again, came upon the answer:

As a preface, I would like to point out that, in the 21st Century, there is no wrong way to interpret Shakespeare, so long as you have a particular vision in mind and follow through on your plans. There are, of course, inadequate methods of performing and staging (for the record, I thought that the blacking and acting we saw was effective and skilled), and some Shakespeareans-- particularly those at The Globe-- are especially staunch about leaning into “original practices,” but theater has evolved so much in the last 400 years that even productions that call themselves traditional Elizabethan stagings are not that (consider the Tim Carroll Twelfth Night: where are the prepubescent boys meant to be playing the Viola, Olivia, and Maria? Why is the blocking so modern?) All that is left is the text and its sparse stage directions. I am aware that my disdain for the Emma Rice production is based mainly upon personal preference. However, I like to believe that my opinions hold enough water to be worth the attention and respect of others.

(Under the cut for length.)

My two favorite things about Twelfth Night are, in order, its inherent queerness and bitterness. Make no mistake, being an Elizabethan comedy, it can just as easily be light, frothy, and straight (as evidenced by what we witnessed last week) and even the darkest versions thereof must make room for fun potty humor and slapstick and heterosexual, cisgendered couplings (as those too, are in the text). Those things, as much as any present queerness or anger, are part of the fun of Twelfth Night, and the former is where most of the comedy comes from. But the genderqueer, non-straight, and angry undercurrents that can be detected in this play (whether placed there by its author knowingly or not) go oft ignored. I am disappointed by this, naturally, but never before have I had it thrown in my face this way by a company so prestigious as the Globe.

I think my central problem with the Rice staging was her Feste.

Yes, I did notice that Feste was portrayed by a very talented and engaging drag queen. No, that did not help. But did it make my experience worse? Absolutely, 100%, yes. Feste is perhaps the pettiest, most resentful character in the text. He cares not for the emotions of others, particularly not that of his Lady Olivia, who’s grief he mocks and belittles (granted, this is his job, and at his kindest, he has been portrayed as genuinely fond of her, but more often than not, he is a punch-clock entertainer, who cares only for the emotions of others as long as they will pay him for what he elicits) in his first appearance, after being absent from her court for an extended period of time.

Feste. Good madonna, why mournest thou? Olivia. Good fool, for my brother's death. Feste. I think his soul is in hell, madonna. Olivia. I know his soul is in heaven, fool. Feste. The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen (5.1. 357-362).

His only real interests throughout the play appeared to be song, logical wordplay (”simple syllogism[s]”), crude jokes (”many a good hanging prevented a bad marriage”), weaseling pocket change away from the rich, and enacting petty revenge. At his best, he’s a puckish partygoer and delightful busker, at his worst, he is apart from all other social groups in the play and cruel to at least the same degree as the bear-baiting merrymakers.

“Earlier, Malvolio had mocked Feste for his dependence on others... But [Feste] also mirrors Malvolio specifically as a dependent in a court and as one the play most clearly shows as a solitary character. He is the one who echoes Malvolio’s words about dependency on approval in shortened form, ‘An you smile not, he’s gagged’ (5.1.363-4), back to him at the end. And after he exults ‘Thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges’ (364), Malvolio in turn mirrors him, promising his own revenge” (66 Novy).

Feste is at his most useful when existing as a mirror for other characters-- he contextualizes his lady’s grief with cruel mockery, challenges Viola’s wits and disguise, and most importantly, shows Malvolio the cruelty that he callously doles out. When his dialogue is chopped up into saintly wisdom from a loving goddess in the Heavens, his status as a dynamic character and device is stripped from him. When Feste is robbed of his archetypal trickster-status, it weakens the core themes of the play which are written into the very title (as Twelfth Night and the Feast of Fools were, of course, traditionally a day of opposites, much as Feste the wise fool is a natural mirror and walking contradiction). When he is robbed of his anger towards his social betters (Olivia and Malvolio), this is further weakened.

My qualms with making Feste a benevolent Goddess are based entirely upon the text; my problems with casting said benevolent goddess as a drag queen are two fold. My first is in the broader scope of media representation of drag queens, trans women, and feminine genderqueer persons. Most often, the cinematic and theatrical tradition is to demonize such individuals as lascivious perverts, which is obviously dehumanizing. As well-intended backlash, many younger content creators have thus spun around done the patent opposite by deifying them (this is also, notably, a dichotomy experienced by black women/femmes, be they cisgender, trans, or otherwise gender nonconforming). Deification is in its own way a subtler form of dehumanization. Much like the treatment of so-called virtuous women in the Victorian era, the representation of any group as somehow morally superior or “above” the rest of the rest is restricting. An anti-Semite might do well to wonder: “Hath a Jew not eyes?... If you prick us, do we not bleed?” but any white, cisgendered woman who routinely refers to black women and femme queers as “black goddesses” (which is absolutely a thing, as those of you who frequent tumblr, twitter, pintrest, or instagram most likely know) should be reminded that, just like all people, black queer femmes fart and defecate regularly, and they, like all other members of the human race, run on a sliding scale of morality, wisdom, and grace, depending on the individual. The archetypal example of this “heavenly body” trope is Angel of Rent, being a Latina trans-woman (or gender-fluid person, or drag queen, depending on the interpretation) who is always given the moral high ground, dies a tragically noble death, always has resources to bestow upon the less fortunate, and is literally called “Angel.” Much like Feste, she is the only gender non-conforming femme poc in her cannon, and that, paired with the erasure and demonization of this particular group that has been so common in Western art and media, leaves them as the sole representation of said group to be found in fiction. Each time a character of a group so mishandled as that is brought into play, that character becomes a mouthpiece for the entire population of such individuals that exist in reality. The trope of the black, femme goddess is much kinder than the demonization and willful ignorance of old, but in 2017, we should be beyond this refusal to portray those who exist outside of the white, straight, cis hegemony as anything other than individuals as complex as everyone else in their canon. Anyone who is tempted to bring up the “Sister Topas” scene as a counter-argument is welcome to it, but this derives from a halfhearted attempt to recast Feste as a personification of fate after four acts of being nothing but sage and understanding. It is not deeper characterization, as it is not played as either vengeance or cruelty-- at best, it is a twist of fate personified, at worst, it is whoever doctored the script backing themselves into a character-writing corner by striping Feste of his humanity.

My second challenge to the choice of La Gateau Chocolat as Feste is that her place in the cast is by its very nature misleading. Twelfth Night is well known among Shakespeare fans as one of the (if not the) queerest Shakespearean plays. It is well-known for featuring one of several Shakespearean Antonios, all of whom are noted for their non-explicit homosexual passion (Twelfth Night’s Antonio’s love for Sebastian is second only to the Antonio of Merchant of Venice and his suicidal devotion to Bessanio, and the villainous Antonio of The Tempest finds his match and constant companion in an equally rotten Sebastian.) Also present is the wooing that takes place between two women, and the Duke Orsino’s apparent attraction to one who is “both man and maid,” whom he never ceases to refer to as “boy” or “Cesario,” even after learning “his” true name and gender. Moreover, of all of Shakespeare’s cross-dressing Paige Boys, Viola spends the most time as her male counterpart, who’s name, as we discussed in class, translates roughly to “rebirth” by way of “cesarean section.” I bring these up because each of these characters have been stripped of their queerness systematically. Cesario/Viola is often played as not just a cross-dresser for strategy’s sake but a genderqueer individual in earnest; Olivia’s realization that Sebastian is not his sister has been played as a horrible, sinking realization; Antonio is often left on stage alone to highlight his loss of Sebastian to heterosexual tradition. I am by no means saying that stagings must be this way or that they must reflect this queer undercurrent, and I have liked versions of the play that exemplify few or none of these choices. My problem with Rice’s Twelfth Night is that, not only does it ignore the inherent discomfort that Feste and each of these queer characters experiences when played as such, but she has dressed her staging up as a celebration of queerness and diversity when that diversity only runs skin-deep (at least, in terms of the aforementioned and belabored queerness.)

I have already explained my problems with Rice’s Feste, so I will now move on to two new subjects: Malvolio and Sir Andrew. These characters are blatantly coded as queer in that Malvolio is played by a cross-dressing woman and Andrew is played as camp gay. However, that is as deep as the queer vein in this staging runs. Malvolio is not traditionally a queer character (although he is often the subject of “genderbending” to varying degrees of success), nor is he played as queer on stage. He is only branded as such due to being played by a woman, despite being played as a man. Andrew’s status is particularly egregious, as-- in being both comically stupid and violently mean-- he is the most difficult to sympathize with of any character; he has no compelling emotional core written into the text, nor is any planted into Marc Antolin’s portrayal of him. He is also a wooer of Olivia’s and, as far as the text and blocking is concerned, more “metrosexual” than homosexual in earnest. What this does is play all stereotypically gay mannerisms (those that he possesses which Antonio, Sebastian, and even the preening Duke evade whether they are played as queer men or not) for laughs and nothing else. “It’s funny,” the audience says, “because he’s in a pink sweater and he’s got a funny lisp.” Meanwhile, Olivia never notices her very real attraction towards another woman, the Duke Orsino’s sexual identity crisis is just barely hinted at, and most questionable of all, Antonio is played as a father figure to Sebastian. Lawman’s Antonio’s body language is neutral and distant, not half as wracked with passions as his lines:“If you will not murder me for my love//Let me be your servant” (1.2.642-3) and “ I could not stay behind you: my desire//More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth” (3.3.1492-3).

In conclusion: Rice’s staging of Twelfth Night may be good for a laugh, but it robs the text of its philosophical weight, its bitterness, and its genuine queer discomfort, thus replacing these things with a light gloss of queer acceptance by playing “We Are Family” at the beginning and giving Sir Andrew a pencil mustache. I am not upset that Rice’s staging was not queer or angry enough for my liking; I am upset because her staging insisted (whether she wanted it to or not) that a wave of sequins and a disco chorus should be queer enough for me, and I ought to stop being so angry all the time and accept what I’ve been given.

SOURCES:

Novy, Marianne. “Outsiders and the Festive Community in Twelfth Night.” Shakespeare & Outsiders. Oxford University Press, 2013.

Shakespeare, William. "Twelfth Night, or What You Will." Open Source Shakespeare. N.p., n.d. Web. 18 June 2017.

#twelfth night #the globe #twelfth night or what you most definitely won't

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