#do not talk to me about the star war

[loth-creatures]

🏳️‍🌈BE GAY DO CRIMES 🏳️‍⚧️BE GAY DO CRIMES 🏳️‍🌈 BE G A Y DO CRIMES🏳️‍⚧️ FINALLY FINISHED YEEHAW 

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU FUCKERS

NOW GO CAUSE SOME TROUBLE KARK SHIT UP LETS GOOOO

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Do you truly love a piece of media if you’re not making it everyone else’s problem

[hayden-christensen]

‘For me, it is the same character...emotionally it is just a continuation of Anakin.’

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN  A Look Back at ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ panel at Star Wars Celebration Europe 2023 | April 9, 2023

[cj-kenobi]

a wild otter-wan has appeared!

do you:

- fight! - give him a little pat!

[feroluce]

I love the fact that the Silvermane Guards are essentially just a very devoted "We Love Gepard Landau" fanclub, and I desperately need for all of them to get into ship wars about it behind their Captain's back. The soldiers are all split into several factions:

Some of them ship him with Sampo 🛡💣 (enemies to lovers/hateship enjoyers; this does not necessarily mean they like Sampo- in fact it's more like most of them want to sic their Captain on him skzjsmdm)

Some of them ship him with Bronya 👑🛡 (knight and princess trope enjoyers and also a sorta-kinda "that is our mom and dad" type of deal; this faction gets riled up and ridiculously hypes Gepard up to Bronya every time she comes down to the frontlines mskdkxmd)

Some of them ship him with the trailblazer 🛡💫 (the smallest and newest faction, but steadily gaining!)

Some of them ship him with Pela ❄🛡 (workplace romance enjoyers; Gepard once charged out into the Fragmentum alone to save Pela from an expedition gone horribly wrong, and when this faction saw Gepard carrying Pela back princess style they threw a whole party)

Some of them ship him with Dunn 🛡🗡 (also workplace romance; Dunn is very flattered by this because yeah wrong Landau, but wow, the troops really think he's good enough to woo the Captain, what an honor)

And some of them ship themselves with the Captain 🛡❤ (yumejoshi enjoyers; this faction throws a massive group effort every Valentine's Day and are also all very supportive of each other)

The final faction is an odd one, because they're defined not by who they ship their beloved Captain Gepard with, but rather by who they don't ship him with. Their name is generally shortened to the A.B.S. Group- Anybody BUT Sampo 🚫💣 DKSZJJSMSOZ

[ilumel]

— never underestimate a cornered mandalorian.

[blighted-lights]

children of war.

[rexscanonwife]

If you have an f/o that loses many people close to them, imagine them allowing themselves to grieve in front of you. To be held in your arms as their shoulders shake with the force or their crying because they need to let it out or it'll consume them from the inside out. They can be vulnerable with you, they can fall apart with you, knowing you'll help them pick the pieces back up.

[morethansky]

***THE ACOLYTE SPOILERS***

Oh my god, absolutely FEASTING on fanboy tears tonight as I repeatedly rewatch not only a sexy, well-choreographed and performed fight between an Asian man and an Asian Canadian but also one between a nonbinary person and a woman (who's even playing her character as queer), holy shit!!!

And, like, do you understand what it means to me to have an evil Asian character who's not a racist caricature??? Like yeah, in Star Wars, but also in Western media in general! Also very important to me is that he's ACTUALLY HOT. Asian men never get to be hot on screen in Western media, especially Asian diaspora folks. It's not only shitty in a racist way but also a travesty for hot people enjoyers such as myself!! (And I mean like one of the few times they attempted to give it somewhat of a shot, the role went to a former incel ffs.)

This is also important because Qimir getting to be hot means people are thirsting after him!!! That's an important part of representation people don't talk about enough. Just reading posts and chats where people are seeing him as physically attractive and salivating over his body makes me so emotional??

The casting director, the costumers, and the hair and makeup teams on this production, my god. First Mother Aniseya and now Qimir. They're just casually dropping some of the hottest characters in Star Wars into this show, bless.

[just-prime]

Tales of Squandered Potential

Oh hello again everyone who follows me for my Star Wars ranting!

So! Tales of the Empire. The Hat Man is at it again.

Episodes 1-3 : The Path of Boredom

As expected, all of the Morgan stuff was not my thing. She was boring in Ahsoka, she was boring here. The entirety of the three episodes just hammered home "this lady is angry" in a way that felt overdone because there is no arc. There's no growth, no interest, no nothing. It all just feels like Filoni trying to retroactively make his one dimensional character that gets killed off in the stupidest way possible feel super badass. However because we know that she gets killed in the stupidest way possible, everything falls flat and none of it feels earned. It also doesn't actually answer any of the many many questions that Ahsoka raised about her. She's just there, standing in front of a fire. That's all she does.

Thrawn is there for all of about two seconds, and every moment of it is painful, because here's the thing. WE KNOW WHAT THRAWN WAS UP TO AT THIS TIME!!! We have the book that explains all of Thrawn's many exploits as an admiral. This is only more evidence for the idea that Filoni has never actually picked up any of the canon Thrawn books. Which we kinda already knew, but this is all but confirmation. As I've previously said, and will continue saying, Filoni needs to contextualize Thrawn as a 100% big bad otherwise his Heir to the Empire fanfilm won't actually feel earned, so he is systematically destroying any and all nuance that Thrawn has had to make sure that new viewers only ever see him as an unredeemable evil.

And I know that there are a lot of you out there who are holding out for the possibility that this is all a misdirect by Thrawn! That this is all part of his grand plan to go back and help the Ascendency, and that he's lying to everyone about his intentions. But the sad truth is that Filoni doesn't give a rats ass about anything other than cartoonishly evil Thrawn which means we're never getting Eli, or Karyn, or Hammerly or any of the characters from the six fantastic canon books that Timothy Zahn so lovingly created. That was made very clear with Filoni's prioritization of Admiral Pellaeon, who for those who don't know is actually in the new canon Thrawn books too! He wasn't just left behind in Legends, Zahn brought him back into canon too! But again, being the Legends fanboy that he is, Filoni doesn't care about where Pellaeon should be canonically, so instead he's just shoehorned into the episode for no other reason then Filoni likes him.

Episodes 4-6 : The Barriss Content

Soooooo, why didn't Barriss get a full fucking season to herself??? I get the idea behind the 15 minute episodes, but it really makes it hard to tell any sort of cohesive story. It works far better as a snapshot of a couple of days in someone's life. So unfortunately, while I did enjoy them, Barriss's episodes felt really rushed and I found it really hard to tell when things took place. How long was she at the Inquisitor training center? Was it a day? Was it a month? Really would have been interested in actually seeing the inner workings but it all has to get brushed over in favor of her becoming an Inquisitor. A seemingly intentionally not named Inquisitor which makes me feel like they've run out of early Inquisitor names. Unless there's a trial period before you get a proper number? I don't know it was just one of those things that niggled at me. Another thing that niggled at me (which was also mentioned by the wonderful artist @stealingpotatoes, go give her art some love) is that her design is kinda boring as fuck? Like, you have Birdy-Mc-Skullface right there with such a neat design and yet all Barriss gets is a motorcycle helmet with very slight voice modulation.

But I digress. The fact that Barriss commits herself to the Inquisitorium via a ritualized fight to the death, and then goes "wait, the red light saber wielding, all black wearing, Darth Vader serving inquisitors aren't here to help people?" before immediately bailing is so funny to me. This girl cannot for the life of her commit herself to an organization without becoming disillusioned within 1-3 business days.

I'm not sure how I feel about it all being about Lyn? I was very much rooting for her to totally die in the ice shafts instead of what felt like a very last minute redemption arc?

Though speaking of the last episode...HOLY SHIT OLD BARRISS IS FUCKING HOT. *coughs* Excuse me. Anyway. I would have loved to see more of what happened in between eps 5 and 6. Seeing how she and the jedi kid escaped the planet, and where the two of them did after than in the very hostile Empire would have been a facinating story watch play out. Also, who is this female friend that Barriss is referring to when she sends the child away? Is it Ahsoka??? If it is...WHY WOULD YOU NOT SHOW US THAT REUNION??? Like I get the whole point of this is to set up Barriss to make the jump to live action like every single other Filoni character is curseddestined to do, but also you've had people waiting years to find out what happened to Barriss and it feels like they burned their biggest story possibility on a throwaway reference. Did she find Ahsoka? Did Ahsoka find her? When did they find each other? Was it pre-Rebellion? Was it after Ahsoka was already functioning as Fulcrum? Given that we now know the Fulcrum name originated from Anakin, did Barriss recognize the name and seek this mystery person out? I don't know it just feels again like more wasted potential.

Final Thoughts

Fuck this animation is good now! Can we get a new writer?

Like, even for the shit I was annoyed by, the entire show just looks fabulous. It makes me really really wish that ANYONE other than Filoni could make content in this style. Let the writers of Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor do a Merrin episode or a baby Cal episode. Or the people doing The Acolyte, let them do Tales of the High Republic! Let anyone other than Filoni have a chance to create within the world of Star Wars animated content.

[americankimchi]

it's so hard to take star wars seriously nowadays because i'll watch someone get skewered by a lightsaber and then somehow walk it off with a bacta patch and a slap on the ass. like you're telling me a weapon that can carve furrows into foot-thick solid durasteel doors, dripping melted slag in its wake, when applied to the flesh of a sentient being leaves behind nothing more than superficial damage. like be so ffr. "it cauterizes the wound instantly" this is not a little cut. this is not minor burns. you were IMPALED BY A BEAM OF PLASMA. your ORGANS have been COOKED. your BLOOD has BOILED. your BONES were INCINERATED. what are you TALKING ABOUTTTTTT

[jessicas-pi]

hear me out on this ok. ROTS AU where Anakin still turns to the dark side but that's Palpatine's problem.

So, Palpatine decides last minute that ehhhh maybe dooku could come in handy later and he doesn't encourage Anakin to kill him, and Dooku gets arrested and imprisoned in the Jedi Temple awaiting trial. (Also he didn't get his hands cut off because of uhh plot reasons?)

Fast forward.

Palpatine is encouraging Anakin towards the Dark side, tells him about Plagueis the Wise, etc. etc. But see, the thing is, Anakin is at the end of his tether, probably hasn't slept more than three hours over the past week, and has no remaining impulse control or inhibitions, and upon hearing that the Dark Side can save people from death, his first thought is, "wait a sec, we've got a Sith Lord in-house at the moment!" and he sprints out of the space opera and books it back to the temple.

Now, Dooku has been calmly waiting in Temple custody, confident that Darth Sidious will arrange his escape. But THEN Anakin barges into the cell like OMG THE CHANCELLOR TOLD ME THE SITH KNOW HOW TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM DYING AND I'M HAVING DREAMS ABOUT SOMEONE DYING AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO SAVE THEM

At which point, Dooku realizes Palpatine's plan. He's going to tempt Skywalker to the Dark side and REPLACE DOOKU. this is totally uncool.

So he's like "...who are you dreaming about, exactly?"

Anakin freezes. He can't admit it's Padme because their relationship is top-secret and he can't admit how important she is to him so he tries to think of a good fib and goes "uhhhh OBI-WAN! Obi-Wan, it's Obi-Wan, I'm dreaming about Obi-Wan dying-" and he just throws himself into the drama because now he IS imagining obi-wan dying because Obi-Wan is fighting grievous at the moment and he MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE and that's in addition to Padme dying and he's totally spiraling at this point- "pleasepleaseplease you gotta help me he's like the only father i've ever known I don't know what i'll do without obi-wan I have to save him YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT TO DO I'LL DO ANYTHING--"

Dooku begins to smile.

(Would stealing Skywalker out from under his Master's nose be petty? Oh, yeah.)

(But it would also be very, very satisfying.)

---

Obi-Wan calls in to a council meeting to report his defeat of Grievous, but before he can say so, Mace announces that Dooku has escaped and the Sith Master has been killed.

Silence falls between the eleven councilmembers (eleven, not twelve, because their newest one is conspicuously absent. Obi-Wan wonders just what Anakin's up to now. Honestly, that boy will be the death of him.)

Obi-Wan clears his throat.

"...indeed," he says, trying to handle the shocking news with composure. "Well... at least we're down to one Sith, now."

Another awkward pause.

"Yeah, about that--" Mace begins.

[kookyburrowing]

i think alpha-17 hates kids in theory but he’s like those guys whose families get dogs or whatever and then he gets really attached. he is definitely not happy about it but he’s attached.

[rabb1ttrash]

classes have been kicking my ass but have this 

[stars-n-spice]

Younger brother came up with the best thing-

Was out shopping with my siblings and while in stores my younger brother started a "Point out things the Bad Batch would wear" type of game. Forgot what he pointed to but he was like, "This is something Hunter would wear and then go to a gay club." Then he found something else and went, "And this is what Crosshair would wear to a gay club."

Then I was like, "Oh, imagine Hunter goes to a gay club, spots Crosshair across the room and is like, 'What are YOU doing here, huh?? 🤨���'"

My brother thought that was hilarious and agreed. He also found a bunch of stuff that he said Hunter would wear, "If he had a sense of style" and I added on that Crosshair probably has killer fashion sense and is habitually ashamed about his brother's lack of a fashion sense because it's a "disappointment to the queer community."

Anyways, happy pride!

[phoenixkaptain]

Watching older Marvel movies is like-

These actors are so good, the characters come to life, the costumes look just like the comics and Iron Man 1 makes reference to Tony’s tin can suit and Captain America makes reference to his original shield shape and there may never be a better portrayal of Thor in the entirety of my lifetime. It’s like they stepped right out of the comics, the music is so good, the quips are so good, the foreshadowing of the Avengers helping each other learn and grow and heal is set up wonderfully and-

And then you think about where it ultimately went and it’s like. What?

Where’s the characters who are just like their comic counterparts? The fuck happened to Peter Parker? Why did the foreshadowing of Steve and Tony’s relationship improving lead abso-fucking-lutely nowhere? Where the fuck did romance between Hulk and Black Widow come from? What the fuck happened to Peter Parker??

Like, it was so good, it was going so well. The Avengers from the comics were put into live-action so perfectly, and then it crashed and burned. It makes me legitimately sad in some ways, because it was! So! Good! What happened? Why did they change everything? I mean, I know Civil War happened because of Batman v. Superman, but why did they decide to go that route? Some people liked Batman and Superman fighting in the comics, but did anybody like the comic Civil War???

I just don’t understand. Why make Civil War into a movie? Why on God’s green Earth would anybody suggest making a movie out of one of the least liked comic arcs of all fucking time??? And why did they change the arc in the most baffling ways possible??? What?? Were?? They??? Thinking??? Were they even thinking???? Whoever came up with this, I’m so sorry, but I think you should work on soap operas instead of comic adaptations.