#do i want to get misgendered and wear cute clothes?

[itsyourstarboy]

I'm having a hard week, imma play fable II

[deepcolorobserver]

I really want a terf lesbian to coax me into detransitioning

At first she pretends to support me and my transition, pretends to be a trans ally, says all the right things to befriend me and we hit it off. She's cute, funny, and for a while we're just friends.

We flirt a bit, always silly and joking and friendly. The kind of thing close friends do, until one day she admits she sees me as more than a friend. And god it's exciting, it's exhilarating, it makes my heart flutter. Who cares that she's a lesbian, maybe I'm the exception. Someone she likes enough to look past conventional desire.

So we start dating, a casual fling, but the sexting is HOT. She doesn't use preferred terms for my anatomy, always says clit instead of tdick, always asks for tit pics, but it's okay, a lot of the transmasc terms are a little clunky in dirty talk anyway.

She tells me I would look good with long hair. Men can have long hair right? I would be so pretty, such a pretty boy, so I grow it out for her. My hairline starts receeding on T and I'm worried about it, I confide in her, and she suggests stopping T. I got the changes I wanted, right? It's better that I don't hate myself for the changes I don't want, and she's right, even if she says it's mutilating me now. So I stop.

The whole relationship has been digital, and we talk a lot about meeting in person. Joking around, of course, neither of us have plane ticket money. But one day she asks for pictures in panties and a bra. I don't own those anymore, so she offers to buy me a pair. It's not feminizing, and I'm into degradation, she says. Men in lingerie can be degrading, and it would suit me. So I agree, because the idea is kinda hot, and I dress up for her. She's right, it is hot, even if it feels so wrong.

Slowly, she starts to introduce terf rhetoric to me. Very subtly, starting with ideas I can agree with and pushing more extreme views onto me. It makes me hate myself, of course, for transitioning and living as a man. There are lesbians that use he/him, she tells me. And if I were a lesbian, we could make "I'm in lesbians with you" jokes. The rhetoric swims in my head. I'm a lesbian, yeah. I still identify as a man, for a while.

One day it comes to light that we live in the same city. We can meet up easily. And it's like a revelation, a sudden flip. I'm with her almost every day, I'll stay over several nights at a time. Always in the lingerie she keeps buying me. I'm wearing it all day, wearing it to work, just so she can take off my clothes and see it when I get to her place. It's not long before we move in together. She calls me girly pet names, things you would never call your boyfriend. And the wrong feeling, all it does is turn me on and endear me to her.

The day I bring up top surgery, she spends a very long time sucking on my tits, kissing them all over. Don't do it, she tells me. I look so good like this. It compliments my body type, I'm meant to have tits. She makes me say it, say I love my tits. She makes me say that I love my pussy, I love all the things that make me feminine. I'm crying as I say it, but I tell her I think I might be a girl. She says I always was, and always will be. My biology was made with a purpose, and I'm meant to be a woman. I ask her to use she/her pronouns, to use my dead name in bed. We scissor and I cum harder than I ever have, all because she uses my deadname. If it feels this good, how can it be wrong?

She misgenders me outside of bed anyway. Soon everyone is using my deadname and she/her. I'm so wet all the time. She takes my body every night and uses me to pleasure herself. She makes me cum while telling me what a beautiful woman I am.

She convinces me to get pregnant with a surrogate. We both want kids, and this is the only way to do it. The whole time she talks about how beautiful the process is, what a lovely woman I am, fulfilling my purpose. She holds my hand as I birth our child. I forget all about wanting to be a boy.

[grabowskibeepboop]

I love genderbending characters, but when it comes to hxh, I'm the most basic with it and I don't care

I think Gon likes cute stuff, and would like cute stuff if he was a girl. I think she'd have long hair (he already does), and she'd like wearing skirts. Sue me because everyone seems to think Gon is this this fucking gym bro (no offense you have the right but I disagree), and yea sure he does go to the gym but so many people do without letting it be their personality. So ofc she'd want to be strong, but pretty too. Not on like an omg I have to be pretty level, but she'd do her hair cute and wear cute jewelry and stuff. Enough about Gon because I could go on for hours about how much I disagree with everyone about him. Also one more thing because the TV's playing teen titans rn, Starfire vibes ig, feminine but a bro, and ofc a little stoop. Loves making faces.

I don't think Killua would be much different. Not because he's feminine (he's not that feminine imo, everyone crosses their legs), but because she'd be a tomboy. Same choice of clothing, maybe some piercings later on but I already imagine Killua getting piercings in the future. Same personality, maybe different hairdo because maybe it'd be a little longer but she'd be a feminist I.C.O.N., she'd always be like what a boy can do I can do better or smth. Idk. Massive girl crush on Gon ofc, thats just the default.

Leorio is a toughie, because he's traditionally masculine, so I'd want to make her traditionally feminine, but he's also a classic suit guy, so I't put her in a suit, but maybe with a skirt at first, then maybe she switches to pants as the hunter exam gets harder or smth. The other thing thats kinda tough for me is his flirty vibe. I mean it's not that impossible to recreate the same type of flirting from a woman to a man, but smth still hasn't clicked about it in my head. Anyways I don't really have that much to say about her, leopika is still on so let's move on to...

Kurapika is basicall the same. You can't tell if she's a guy or a girl, but if you misgender her she will correct you in a manner which says it's okay we all make mistakes, but in a tone which says if you do that one more time you'll never see the light of day again. A lot of people headcanon Kurapika as transmasc, and while I don't actively headcanon him as such, I don't disagree either, so it's similar for gendermend too ig. There already people who headcanon The™ Kurapika as transfem, without genderbending, so it's not impossible. People also headcanon Kurapika as non-binary, and while I don't, I'm in for anything, but I like his unconventional-traditional vibe, like he's feminine by birth but his values do seem to lie in tradition too. Anyways, genderbend Kurapika isn't that different, but she is pretty flat.

[useless-pvppy]

Hewooo this will be da official intro post to my lil blog here so hav fun reading and getting to know me woof! ૮⍝• ᴥ •⍝ა

Introduction💛:

Name: Pup! or Puppy! or mutt! or whatever you wanna call me woof! ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა

Pronouns: He/It only!!!!! no they/them!! no fem pronouns!!!

Age: 20+ ! yey!

Sexuality: uhhhm this one's a weird one, definitely aro, sexuality wise i dunno rly!! as long as u can fuck me, w a strap or w ur own thing then im down! woof! probably leaning more towards mlm tho but once again, whatever works!

Bottom only! maybeeee switch but Im still figuring that one out so for now sub only too ૮u ﻌ u ა

Pre-t sadge but we keep barking wauf

also im a furry but i suck and havent made a fursona yet but whatev!!! still a furry wauf wauf

Stuffs I like ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა♡ (to be updated? I forget many things all da time sowy):

petplay/puppyplay ofc, collars/leashes, being tied up, somno, cnc, dubcon, knives, marking, tentacles, piss, hypno, breeding, age gaps, age play, corruption, edging, basically full control over me i like that yeppers, degrading, humiliation, praise, plushie humping!, being cut And cutting others!!! if im obsessed w u i wanna cut u up all cute!!!, gags, overstim, size diff.., cockwarming.., stalking! monsterfucking:>, fauxcest + theres pwobably more i forgor, feel free to ask me!!

Stuffs I don't like ૮ – ﻌ–ა :

foodplay/feederism is big yucky for me, degrading if its directed at my body is big no am insecure TwT, scat yucky, any form of forced fem or detrans/misgendering thing is a no.. if i wanna wear a skirt and be cute i will but dont call me girly names!!!!!, pregnancy yucky...

uhmm honestly theres not many things I wouldnt at least try once so yeah once again be normal and ask if ya arent sure!!!!! ill more than likely answer nodders :3

DNI: general dni yakno the drill, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, zionist, maga dumb fucks gtfo!!, under 18/ageless blogs pls leave! (as long as u state youre over 18 somewhere its okie, no need to be specific just pls dont be a child!!!!!), antis, ppl who cant differentiate fiction/fantasy from reality! hetero men!sorry but am not a girl so i dont want u interacting if u view me as one!!!

thats about it for dni! if you dont like smth on my blog feel free to leave wauf! if you think im morally bad bcoz of da stuffs i like thats ur opinion but i dont care so dont tell me! just leave ^-^

wauf im super-duper bad at introductions so am not even rly sure what else to add >~< iguessss general just stuffs about me? i like video games altho most of da games i like i never played coz ive never had a laptop or pc for them, am still just using my roomie's stuff TwT, i draw sometimes which is very epic very cool wauf! also i bark a lot in text and type weirdge sorry!!! alsoalso i luv horror stuffs and scary stuff!!! horror games r superduper my favourite but i do scare easily but that doesnt matter!!! i also like cute stuff like sanrio stuffs and plushies and cute clothes and sharkies!!!! ya ya! I call myself emo so thats what i am i guess!!

also for rulez and stuff on what u can send as asks!!!! well i dunno! whatever ya want! be horny or just talk to me about whatever wauf!! beware if u make me flustered and horny enough times i might become obsessed w u and I'll wanna stalk u and cut u so !!! beware of weirdo puppy here!!

alsoalso im pretty shy at first, and uh in general honestly, and pretty bad at this whole human interaction stuff (im a puppy !!! how would i kno how to talk to you humans >~<) if we arent mutuals u cant dm me sowy!

I wont giv you my discord or any other social media right away!! im too paranoid and shy for that sorta stuff so i gotta proper trust u! or u gotta catch me be real desperate but we will see iguess! also wont send u nudes! i never even taken any so no chance youd get one!

my shyness also comes from da fact im very inexperienced in everything ever so like...yeah...cbfnhfdnbfndbg IDK!!!! WHATEVR!!! IM BAD AT TALKIN ABOUT THIS STUFF!!! WHATEVR!!! teach me mayb 👉👈

alsoalso im!..okay i cry Very easily if i start getting embarrassed i start tearing up and the more u tease me about it the more I'll cry.. i can't help it and i can't control it i jus cry rly easily (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

very veryvery autistically obsessed w my soulmate!!! coz yes i do hav one!!! this blog is for funsies and to be horny w other horny folks but at da end of da day most of my brain and thoughts r occupied by one person only wauf!! once again am aro and shes aro too so what we hav is special!!! more than romantic nd more than platonic iss secret third thing which is primal obsession w one another!!! theyre my owner and i am theirz das how it workz!!! I feel like i should mention dis jus in case anyone tries for anythin long term over here! sorry not gonn happen! wauf💛 ehhmmvnv probably shouldve mentioned dis sooner but am bad at realisin non aro folk might try for things nd also wasn sure how she'd feel about it nd i kept forgettin to ask but whatev now u know!! will be usin #catto posts for posts that remind me of him or posts i make about her wauf!

Okie thats all!!! i think!! im tryna figure out how im gonna tag stuff so for now #pupper rambles for my text posts, #pupper pics for pics of me :3c, #pupper answers for answered asks!

Send asks!! talk to me pwease!!! giv me attention!! woof!!

-Pup ♡ ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ˶₎ა

[velvetvexations]

I was commissioned to write how I'd torture someone without minding for how sexy other people may or may not find it. To my genuine but pleasant surprise the commissioner really did love it, so I thought I'd post it on here.

Warning:

The following artistic exploration of a hypothetical relationship between a dom and sub is very intense, and portrays extreme abuse that should never happen IRL, so please take the time to think about if that may be triggering for you before clicking through. It's told in the second-person, which may make it worse. Content warning for physical abuse, emotional abuse, non-con, drugging, unsanitary, gaslighting, isolation, misgendering towards the dom, and ableism.

Please keep yourself safe, your comfort matters. <3

Object of Affection

The day starts with you walking groggily into the dining room in nothing but the underwear I’ve been making you wear for a couple of weeks now. You look like you have eyes full of sand. You’re late, by the way. I’d have liked us to have left the house thirty minutes ago, but you had to sleep in.

You’re so selfish. But I forgive you.

You look directly at my breasts, because that’s the center of my personality and you have to address it like you would anyone elses face, and start to say something stupid, I don’t really care what. My hand is smacking into your face before you can get the full sentence out. That’s how I say good morning, sometimes. I laugh and tell you how cute you are, stumbling around like you’re drunk. The medicine I put in your drink last night really knocked you the fuck out, didn’t it? It’s a miracle you were able to wake up at all. I know it makes you a little more useless the morning after, but since I love you and I wanted to hurt you down there especially bad last night, I decided you’d be better off sleeping through it. It’s okay, you’ll be sore for ages and ages, you’ll still get to suffer for me, don’t worry.

To make sure you get the point, I grab you between the legs and squeeze as hard as I can. Pain shoots through you like lightning as you whimper and quietly beg me to stop, which makes me laugh, because it’s so funny for you to think you have any say in things. I put you to sleep because I’m so nice, and I chose to, but when I want you to hurt you’re going to hurt, and you’re going to thank me for it.

You fall to the ground and hit your head hard against the floor, because I pushed you, but later I’m going to tell you slipped and fell. My foot comes down hard on your groin, pressing into it with all my weight as I tell you to say thank you.

Go on, I growl, say it. And you do, through a pained moan that makes me want to beat the shit out of you even more, but I press a little harder and remind you you’re supposed to say “thank you, Daddy.”

It’s funny how hard that was for you at first. You were so nervous about misgendering a trans woman, but I loved seeing you squirm as you forced the words out of your mouth. It just sucks that you’re used to it now. It’s hard thinking of offensive things I haven’t made you do or say just to watch you look so uncomfortable you could just about die. I’m going to have to come up with a lot more, but first I’m going to take you out on a nice date.

I know you don’t like what I dress you in, but I do, and that’s all that matters. I have to literally do it for you since you’re too stupid to put your clothes on yourself. I drag your hot pants up for you, help your head and arms into your tank top with WHORE written across it in glitter, and I kiss you on the cheek for being such a good pet. Then I put on your lipstick, cherry red today, because it’s your turn to kiss me.

You get down on your knees, because I don’t go out unless people can see your devotion to me, so we’ve done this a thousand times. I turn around, and you press your lips right up against the seat of my pants, your lips flattening as you did your best to leave a big, colorful mark. Then, knowing how much you hate it, I rip ass right in your face, and chuckle at the fact that you’ve been trained to inhale like you desperately need my gas to live. You can be so well-behaved sometimes, thanks to me being patient enough to to train you.

I grab you by your hair and pull you to your feet, but before we leave, I clasp your collar around your neck, one last finishing touch. I like you down on your hands and knees, crawling next to me as I hold your leash tight, ready to yank whenever I want. I have to do that a lot, since you keep falling behind – and why? Just because the mall is a quarter mile away and you’re bruising your knees something awful? Poor thing. I don’t really care, though, beyond the fact that it gives me something else to yell at you for. And it’s not my fault how warm it is for Autumn, either. Why should I care if you have to put your hands down on far too hot concrete? You know that if you keep complaining I’m going to turn around and throw a kick right into your stomach, so you finally shut up.

As we walk, I notice someone doing yard work gawking at us. That’s the best part of going out together, getting to show off our love. I wonder what he’s thinking. Probably nothing too bad about me, but you, the one who’s crawling like a dog? He probably knows what a freak you are on sight. Someone who wants to be treated like this. Someone who finds fulfillment in being my little pet clown. I almost want to drag you over to him just to see the disgust in his eyes as you get closer, but we wouldn’t want to get too distracted, now would we? If we stopped for everyone who judged you we’d make it home in a few hundred years and not a moment sooner.

In the mall, things are a little different. I let you on your feet, if only because the sound of your knees on the polished floor annoy the shit out of me. Doesn’t stop people from staring, considering you’re still on a leash. Then I remind you of that you had to do for me the next time we went out.

A look of pained confusion crosses your face, then resignation, and you do like I explained to you the day before, sticking your finger right up your nose, digging for a solid minute or two. I bet you look even stupider to anyone who isn’t used to you having nothing between the ears. I can’t tell, because I’ve just internalized it and fully expect you to be as much of a ridiculous dumbass as you are, but everyone else is seeing you blatantly pick your nose and wondering what kind of idiot you have to be to not be embarrassed by your behavior.

You are embarrassed though, of course, or why else would I have you do it? I revel in how red your face is getting, or how you keep nervously looking around to watch people watch you. You must just be an attention whore. It says “whore” on your shirt, doesn’t it? Just be grateful I let you wipe the snot off on your pants instead of sticking it in your mouth and eating it. Maybe next time, if you piss me off.

I take you into the alt-goth store, because I have shit I want to buy, and if I see anything that’d make you look cringe we’ll grab that too. My tits are too big for everything they have here, or most other places for that matter, but that’s fine because it makes them even more noticeable, so I’m not complaining when we go into the dressing room and you watch with slack-jawed awe as my boobs nearly tear through something that would have been too small on me even if I were flat as a board. I notice how affected you are by my magnificence, so I smile and take the shirt off to let you stare at them in their full glory, barely contained by a bra I needed custom-made.

There’s no warning when I suddenly reel you in by your leash with a violent tug, letting your face fall right into my cleavage. I put my hand on the back of your head to keep you there as your training takes over and you start muttering “I love Daddy’s boobs, I love Daddy’s boobs, I love Daddy’s boobs…” like a broken record. I laugh because I can’t even remember if you were this into tits until I terrorized you into worshiping mine.

Remember how I broke a finger every time you looked me in the eyes instead of my chest? I bet every stray glimpse of my face still makes you relive that just a little. Now you’ll never make that mistake again, and I’m as proud of you as anyone can be proud of such a useless loser. Which isn’t much. You know I’m the only person who can stand to put up with you, you’re not capable of eliciting affection from others, but I’m built different and I can manage to put aside my disgust at your existence to take care of you.

And I do take care of you. Aside from putting your clothes on, I also fix your hair, brush your teeth, occasionally wash you with the garden hose, and even help you in the bathroom because you’d probably fuck that up too if you didn’t have me to do everything for you. I don’t care how long you think you’d been doing just fine with those little tasks, even generously assuming you really do believe that at all and aren’t just trying to get out of the tedium of personal hygiene like a lazy slob. The only reason I’m not certain it’s the latter is that I know you really are dumb enough to believe your own imagination.

The fact is, I’m in charge of you and if I wasn’t you’d probably be dead by now, because no one else has ever really loved you. We’ve talked about that more than enough for it to sink into your soul and understand that your friends and family were always just lying whenever it seemed like they might have cared for you even a little bit. You were an annoying burden to them and wherever they are now they’re infinitely happier since I removed you from their lives.

I start to get all sentimental now, sitting down on the dressing room with your face nestled into my chest, petting softly down your neck. You’re mine and I love you. I love you so much. I know our relationship doesn’t make sense to you, because you can’t make sense of kindergarten math, but it’s odd to other people too, you know. They don’t understand that you’re not my partner, you’re my object of affection. More than anyone else I want to hurt you, forever and always until death do us part. I’m happy to stay monogamous because no matter how attractive someone else would look crying as they gagged on my cock, you’re my object, and you alone.

I reach down and squeeze your groin again. You start to quietly sob, tearfully thanking me to hurting you, because you know you deserve it. I start to get excited, and so, so full of love for my object, that I push you off me and onto the floor and take my cock out. Your eyes go wide, transfixed as you get to see your favorite show – your Daddy jerking off. You sit there and stare, the closest thing to sex you’ve ever had or ever will have, consciously at least, and bite your lip with tense passion. This is our equivalent of making love.

I tell you to get out of the way when I’m close, because I don’t want my cum ever interacting with you, and I get off, completely independent of you. It used to make you sad, but now you know it was silly to think you could ever be sexually desirable or worthy of normal human intimacy. Watching me masturbate is all you get and you’ve learned to be satisfied with it.

We hit a few more stores and get some Chinese to eat. I feed you, of course, gently placing every bite into your mouth because even that’s beyond your ability to achieve on a consistent basis and I won’t even let you try to prove otherwise. It’s either me feeding you or lowering your face onto your plate and slurping it up like an animal, which may be more personally humiliating for you, but I like rubbing in how much you rely on me as often as possible.

When we go home, you assume your usual position in front of the couch, still on your hands and knees but at least the floor here is so much cooler than the sidewalk. I toss my feet up on your back to use you as a footstool while I fuck around on the internet. I don’t pay a lot of attention to you, but every now and then I glance over at you as you struggle to remain in position, and I smile, and even without looking you can feel my smile hitting you like a cannonball as I think of ways I want to hurt you next.

Because I love you.

______________________________________________________________

"Object of affection" as a role in a relationship was inspired by the following text, posted anonymously to one of /d/'s Globalized Fetish threads eleven years ago:

About 33% of the population grows incredibly possessive, narcissistic, and devoid of empathy. For them, owning, humiliating, and abusing another human becomes a pathological need. Without a person to objectify and mistreat these people become incredibly likely to commit well-planned, large-scale violent crimes. At first, volunteers are selected, but numbers are too few. In order to preserve order, the normal 66% of the population opt to force many, many, non-consenting individuals into lives where they are maltreated, humiliated, and have no right to consent, privacy, or decision-making. In time, punishing a crying "object of affection" in a public space, forcing them to feel misery, or displaying them in a shameful way becomes common.

[edwardallenpoe]

Just had a thought. And don't bite my head off from this one chat but low-key gender presentation is a privilege. If u think about it. Like as a poor fat black person it's virtually almost impossible for me to present how I want. I can't afford the clothes I want, I can't find clothes that I like that fit, and as a black person gender and gender presentation are not things I was even allowed to have in the first place. Do you get what I mean. Am I making sense.

Like, I like what I got now, I do, but it really is just survivor clothes. If I had the money to I would buy all the belts and the boots and the hats, but for now I got some t-shirts and some jeans and some hiking boots that are gonna fall apart in a couple months from the thrift store, all the shit that I could manage to find that fit me. All the actual cute shit that tiktokkers be raving about? Yeah no. Haha. No.

Then just the fact that I'm black and fat. Do we even gotta talk about the way society has demonized, dehumanized, degendered and whatever else fat and black people? There's a whole other rant I can get into about how ableism and saneism removes your humanity and gender from yourself as well, but I'm mostly talking about what I experience and since I don't have many visible disabilities and saneism hasn't affected my gender too much I won't for now.

Anyways. Yeah. Gender presentation low key a privilege. Like you seen those tiktoks where people make fun of transmen and mascs for being upset when they're misgendered even tho they got huge honkers. What if those theoretical transmascs are disabled and can't bind. What if they have sensory issues. What if they can't afford a binder, or tape, or their work makes it difficult to bind, or they're in a living situation where it would put them in danger. Hm?

If you think that people have to present a certain way to be accepted as their gender (or lack of) and blame the person for not being able to, or you always talk about presentation in a way that almost always excludes disabled and poor people, or people who wear different styles for religious or cultural reasons (and no, ur not ally of the year if you ONLY include Hijab in ur post. It's important you include Hijab and other cultural/religious clothing) then I just find you incredibly privileged.

(and this also ties into how I feel about TMA/TMI/TMT language, but I'll probably talk about that later)

[whole-circus]

Hey! I have recently been obsessing over your works I love your writing and you ARE SUCH A LOVELY PERSON 😭 i love reading your kind words to others and how you write in such a creative way!!

Could you possibly do a fem!reader who looks masc and constantly gets misgendered with jeff, Ben, Toby, hoodie or clockwork!

(I would be happy with any of them)

Thank you <3

Creepypastas with fem.reader that looks masc!

➥ with Jeff the Killer, BEN Drowned, 'Ticci' Toby, and Clockwork

I will cry you are the sweetest!! Fr you feed my self esteem!!🫶<3 Im sorry that you waited so much!! And I apologize for not putting Hoodie here!! Have amazing day and take care of yourself!!! i love your nick btw 😭

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

Jeff the Killer

Thats it, he is propably one of the people that misgendered you on purpose (and he is proud of himself because he is little shit like that..). But of course Jeff can do that once you both are in relationship, he has to have some privilege yk? Being meanie is just his love language. Even if he is still mean sometimes, then at the end of day he is here to beat people who do that - no matter if they did it in in mean manner or not, Jeff doesnt care he just want blood and chaos (and your happiness)! Besides all that, he finds you cute and pretty anyway, doesnt matter what you really look like. Jeff isnt the best person to talk about appearance and he knows that. So you can wear anything, be more "feminine" or "musculine" and he is still cool with that!

BEN Drowned

Boy will literally bark at people who misgender you 😭 No, just kidding, but he dont stand people being like this and will automatically correct them! Gets the fact that you are tired because of that and want to do everything in his power to make you feel better! Even if someone is not doing it on purpose then you have full right to feel uncomfy! So you will recieve a lot of worship and sweet words from Ben overall. Okay but you cant tell me that he wouldnt dress in dresses and skirts to fuck up with people (plus he want to feel pretty (he is a pretty boy anyway, lets be honest))! Loves making them even more confused. Ben is pretty open-minded so doesnt care what you look like or how you dress you are his queen and he treats you like one!!

"Ticci" Toby

I will start with something a bit out of request but..Toby would 100% want to wear matching clotheswith you! Dont get me wrong, he definitely loves you and drool at you no matter you wear (you could wear anything, even garbage bag), but loves showing you off! He is so so grateful that he is your boyfriend and he wants to brag about it to everyone. Definitely thinks in his head that someone would look at you and be like 'omg they are a couple what a cuties'...we love his energy. If you feel upset about people constantly misgendering you, Toby is right here to make it all better and give you a lot of praises! He enjoyes pampering you, when you feel especially down..he is always content to make you both small things like face masks, painting eachother nails or even do eachother makeup for fun (Toby suck at it but he got the right spirit)!

Clockwork

Clockwork doesnt really believe in things like "too musculine" or "too feminine", clothes should be functional - doesnt matter what you wear, but rather how you feel in them - and people are just diffrent when it comes to look. Thats why i think she would be even more angry, she gets that people can make mistakes but if they do it on purpose just to mess with you, then she wont stay calm. What a protective gf she is! Its nice if you dont care about this constant iccidents, becasue they happen - but if you start worry even in the slightest? She will be your sholder to cry on and your number one support girl! Natalie will assure you that you are fine just the way you are, and you can look however you want - its nobody case - she likes you for you! .. Just dont tell anybody about this, she would rather keep it as a secret.

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

[unicornletters]

f/o/comfort character facts for trans mascs -- no explicit language

[Your comfort character/f/o/etc] has never once expected you to fulfill any kind of fantasy that you’re not entirely into. After years of dating dudes who want to be your daddy (if you’re going to play a little girl, of course) and who can’t keep their hands off your chest, it’s really refreshing.

“I think it’s cute you have stuffed animals,” [your f/o] says, and doesn’t follow it up with anything lewd or misgendering (or both). They just think it’s cute! Imagine. They make up little stories with your stuffed animals when you’re sick or when you can’t sleep, and it’s really adorable. Some mornings, you catch them snuggling one or more of your stuffed pals, but you never make a big deal out of it in case they get self-conscious and never do it again.

You can actually talk to [your f/o] about your transition, too. They’re adamant it’s your choice whether and how you want to pursue it, but if you want it they’ve got nonjudgmental feedback about it. More often than not, you’re just looking for some validation, which they always give you. They never make a scene about how binding isn’t “fair” to your chest, which others have because of wanting to see it unbound constantly in a really misgendering way. They also would never say not binding makes you somehow into a girl or woman.

It’s just overwhelmingly nice. 

There’s never been a single pronoun or name “mistake” from [your f/o], which is more than you can say for most people in your life, even the ones who want to make the biggest deal of being supportive. You could wear a dress around them and they still wouldn’t mess it up or excuse themselves for doing so on account of your clothing. (If you like wearing dresses, hooray! If you don’t, this is purely a hypothetical.)

[Your f/o] may not be trans, but they listen, and they’ve done a ton of research, so those decisions you’re considering about transition (what’s the right name for you, should you cut your hair, will you go on testosterone?) become discussions with them that just bring you closer. Nothing’s off-limits and nothing makes them feel bad – not like exploring this stuff has made other partners feel bad for some reason.

When you try to praise them about all this, [your f/o] tells you it’s the bare minimum that you and any trans person deserve, and that they are doing the bare minimum as an ally. They won’t let you make a big deal out of it, not even once.

[atlas-library]

☾ baby girl ☽ a college au.

〝i know that you got daddy issues.〞

fandom: jujutsu kaisen characters: inumaki toge (afab!toge), ryōmen sukuna (amab!sukuna, twin!sukuna) pairing: sukuna x toge universe: alternative universe (college!au)

genre: (mostly) fluff headcanons rating: pg-13 word count: 900 trigger warnings: nsfw mentions

more jujutsu kaisen ⭒ more inumaki toge ⭒ more ryōmen sukuna ⭒ taglist ⭒ ko-fi

This is just a nice little surprise for @heartvexer. Hi darling, here's some AU for you. ❤️​

Behold, one of the most cursed crackships of all time: our lovely Sukuna and his gremlin, Toge.

In this AU, Sukuna is Yuuji's twin; they're 21 and both got a sport scholarship— Sukuna for (American) football, Yuuji for basketball.

Toge is 22 and is majoring in zoology— He also has three minors, in music theory, American Sign Language (ASL) and Japanese Sign Language (JSL). He only chose JSL because he wanted that extra credit, otherwise he's fluent and isn't learning anything from his classes— Not that it's the professor's fault.

Sukuna is majoring in history and minoring in psychology and philosophy. Compared to Toge, who considers his minors as backup plans, Sukuna only has them as hobbies. Same for football, he's doing it because it's fun for now, not because he wants to become the best quarterback ever— Although he's the best in his team.

No one expected Sukuna and Toge to be dating. Not even them. It all started as a one-night stand at a party, then one month later Yuuji is crying to Megumi and Nobara about these two making out on his bed (Toge didn't know it was his. Sukuna obviously did).

They are surprisingly the healthiest couple on campus right now.

They've been dating for almost two years now. They still make out on Yuuji's bed whenever Sukuna's feeling like being an ass.

Sukuna is only nice to Toge. Which is cute, funny, and lowkey terrifying, 'cause what do you mean it's the 5'5" gremlin getting the 6'9" monster to behave?

Toge proudly wears lots of feminine, girly clothes, leaning on the kawaii fashion aesthetic. That, or he's going full punk. No in-between.

Yes, Sukuna calls him 'baby girl' as a joke. Yes, it's also an official nickname now.

Just to be clear, Toge is genderfluid and mostly uses he/him and they/them but also really likes feminine terms. He rarely uses she/her, though.

Sukuna almost snapped at a teammate who was misgendering Toge ("That's your girlfriend, Sukuna?" "Yup." "She's cute!" "He is, yes." The teammate messed up at least twice more before Toge had to calm Sukuna down).

Don't worry, now everyone gets it.

Sukuna and Toge, lovingly and mockingly nicknamed "Sukimaki" (because it sounds like "Sushimaki", AKA Toge's username on social medias), both have lots of tattoos and piercings. More on them in another post, probably. I have lots of thoughts.

Sukuna has been learning JSL, quite fast too, so he could speak with Toge whenever the latter goes non-verbal.

Toge has daddy issues, which, according to Sukuna, makes him great in bed.

Those two are insatiable, someone needs to inject some tranquilizer in their veins so they stop fucking like two rabbits in heat.

Toge clawed Sukuna's back so hard once that Sukuna got teased in the showers after training. Now everyone in the team whistles and howls whenever Toge comes watch Sukuna train.

Sukuna reaches Toge's chest when he's sitting down, and fully takes advantage of that to hide his face against Toge's breasts.

Toge has a small chest, very cute, and likes to show it off with corsets. Sukuna is smug about how cute he looks, but also has that ominous look if someone stares for too long. Toge's aware of it, but he likes pretending he's clueless— And Sukuna knows about it.

Toge is a pro at makeup, and loves going all out whenever there's a match— Especially for the football team. Since they've been dating for two years now, Sukuna can easily guess which makeup took time to do or not, and what's an easy fix or not.

When he didn't know better, he once accidentally smudged some of Toge's eye makeup while roughhousing a bit; Toge ended up crying and he got called an ass by pretty much everyone, "because he spent 5 hours getting ready for you". He's now very careful with Toge's makeup— Unless Toge teases him about it.

They both have to remind each other to "be nice" whenever someone annoying talks. It's surprisingly harder to get Toge to act nice.

Sukuna's a picky eater, so Toge cooks for him and makes him bento lunchboxes.

One day, Sukuna forgot his lunchbox and Toge brought it to him while he was training; everyone howled at them. All Sukuna did was sit down, bring Toge closer with an arm around his waist, then snap: 'Too single for your girlfriend to bring you food, losers?!' Everyone went silent.

Toge pretended to ignore everything by petting Sukuna's hair.

Sukuna originally wanted a minor in linguistics, but his high school teacher was a bit too enthusiastic about it. It made him give up that idea, but Toge buys him linguistic books from time to time; Sukuna blabbers about it after sex.

Toge only tells Sukuna he loves him through sign language. JSL has its own version of "I love you", but also uses the ASL version of it (🤟🏼). When Toge showed him, Sukuna forgot his braincells and asked 'Are you a metalhead? Or Spiderman?'

Toge chuckled awkwardly and explained the meaning to him. Sukuna never felt dumber— Is that what being Yuuji feels like?

Toge told him to forget about it and Sukuna simply redid the sign. They do it from time to time now, always hidden though— It's a private thing.

taglist (ask to be + / - !)

@artmistersealy

@heartvexer

Feel free to like and reblog; if you wish to be added to the taglist, my comments and inbox are open. My askbox is currently open for any question or opinion. :)

[fictionkinfessions]

I wish I had more oversized clothes again.

(Emulates wearing Bob's clothes, cause holy FUCK I miss him and all the cute little things we did as a couple. *laughs in single but very much basically never single in kinmems and missing bf.* )

I also wish that I could show off my chest or literally dress the way I used to without feeling dysphoric or start panicking aboht being misgendered.

(But OOPS, haha. Why. Why can't the chest just not be like this- can I please have a not femme chest again??? )

And also part of it is because of being seen as a whore or slut I guess... I always had that label slapped on me (I eventually got used to it and stopped letting it hurt me *at least publicly*), but now it's like "fuck... if I go 'too far' trying to feel like myself again I could put myself at a risk of getting hurt, assaulted, etc..." like... I dressed very provocatively and showed a lot of skin (because I wanted to seem confident and feel pretty) but now I can't do that because OOPS— I'm not safe here– FUCK. And just... I don't really feel as comfortable dressing the way I want now. It sucks.

Sometimes being fictionkin is fine, then there are the "I am nothing like how I should be, I want to be like how I should be so bad, I fucking hate this, I miss everyone. I can't be like myself because I'm not safe. I'm not safe. I don't have him to protect me now. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK-" times.

I just want to feel safe, comfortable, and happy again. I want to curl up in Bob's arms and let him tell me it's all gonna be fine again. Or even if it wasn't him, if someone could love me and tell me that I would finally feel normal for a second again. I feel like shit. I hate this.

I don't want to be stuck like this anymore...

But oh well, I am. I just wish it was different... even if it was just for a moment.

– A Lordy / Lordi [Metal Family] kin 🎀 💔

x

[dragonmistressivy]

I hate how one of the only things i want to do on this tour is will be too exhausted to go see. It being the colosseum. We are seeing the Vatican in the morning then exploring rome and then see the colosseum in the afternoon. My legs are still in pain for yesterday and will be in more pain tomorrow. Also people kept deadnaming and misgendering me today so much. Also at dinner(they actually had something i would eat) two girls were talking about home and one was sad about not seeing her boyfriend and her family. Somehow the topic of walking in on someone having sex at school came up in their conversation. It is was uncomfortable. Also why can’t i have a bf or a gf. Also they were both so pretty. My dysphoria was hitting me like s truck so hard. I will never have a cis girl’s life or even any sort of childhood or teen years. I have burned my life away. If only i had known that i was a trans girl at 11. I had even realized i wasn’t a guy but i didn’t hate myself yet or know what life is wanted instead. I buried those thoughts until late march last year and i hate it. I could have had a girl teen years and actually gone to school dances, had sleepovers(tho probably not because of my stupid failing body), actually felt rigjt in my skin, wear cute clothes, wear makeup, learn how to be a girl as i grow up, have a closer to what i want body. I will never have that all because i didn’t realize i could do anything about it. I was literally going to a children’s hospital for my cerebral palsy and the area for like trans health was like 15-20 feet away. I was literally in walking distance away from a decent life. I will never have a decent life nor a life at all. I want to die it all tight now but can’t. I would be destroying other peoples’ lives and making everyone’s trip miserable. I am a selfish bitch i just want to die. Why can’t i have been normal and average. I literally wish i was the most average girl in existence. I can’t stand being unique. It brings me so much mental pain. I will never be happy. I just can’t i am far past the point of being happy. I was only happy as a child because i knpwn nothing and my body hadn’t been turned into a monster by puberty. Why can’t i just be a kid forever. I need it. I don’t want to turn 18 in a few months. It would be so so ironic to commit on my birthday for multiple reasons. One because that is the day i came into this world(against my will and without my consent). And another because that week is national suicide prevention week and that month is national suicide prevention month. I probably will not commit on that day but it would be so ironic if i did. Also a girl who was in our group for free time today told me how i am strong for being life because a lot of people “unfortunately die young”. I think she clocked me immediately. Also it is sort of obvious that she has an eating disorder and is very depressed. Apparently she was in my calculus class. I did not know that. I should have talked to her at some point during the school year. She is friendly. I wish i could change my past in so many ways. All i see are my failures and mistakes and flaws. I don’t see positive stuff in my life i know there is some but i can’t physically care because of all the overwhelming problems and flaws. I am a failure of a human. I wish i had died in the womb or at least was a designer baby which either would have been nice. I hate existence. I hate my existence. It is pain and misery and only suffering. I can’t be happy. I wish i could just take someone’s life. Preferably someone who is like 11 or 12 so i could just make up the years i could have easily had if only i had just known. Also i want to be cured of cerebral palsy but that isn’t possible unfortunately and probably won’t be in my lifetime. Also how the fuck are girls do hairless. I hate having body hair how the fuck do they have literally none. I have tried multiple things to get rid of it and they are either way too painful and don’t get rid of all the hair or don’t work. It also doesn’t help i can barely use my right side.

I hate being disabled and trans. Please just end my misery. I want to be euthanized so i can die peacefully and not painfully knowing i will 100% die, not alone, and knowing it will be less destructive to everyone around me but unfortunately in the state i life i would have to be terminally ill and they probably still won’t because “i am young and have a life ahead of me”. I am literally in pain 24/7, suffer from so many issues that can’t be fixed, am literally unable to be happy in my life, and will just end myself one day so i would rather it be by a doctor’s hands who know what they are doing than my own hands where i might just disable myself even more. If only my bio mom never did drugs. If only. I would not be suffering. Everything wrong with me is all because of her doing drugs because that led to all the bad things happening. I want out i didn’t consent to suffer 24/7. My legs feel like they will fall off from the pain, my back feels like it is going to break from all the pain, my right arm is so fucking sore, my eyes hurt, my nose hurts(probably from so many people smoking and vaping), my ears are ringing(have had tinnitus for years), i have a massive headache which feels like my head will implode, and i feels most of those 24/7 and Tylenol only helps so much and i can’t take it 24/7 and i didn’t bring any with me because i didn’t think it would be so much more painful than usual. I want to go home but can’t unless i get very hurt or get very sick which i don’t want either. Even if i go home now my mom will have to come home too which will ruin the trip for her. I don’t want to have wasted like 16k. I am a waste. I only waste, waste, and waste. I am the definition of wasteful and useless. My life is a joke. Actually it isn’t because jokes have meaning. My life has no meaning. I exist just to suffer. Why do i have to suffer 24/7. I only don’t suffer when i am asleep and only sometimes. I sleep so light and i am exhausted all the time and the few dreams i have are just so weird and bring me pain from how boring my life is. I hate my existence.

Please just end me whoever or whatever is out there. I will do anything for it and i mean anything

[ftmcutiepie]

Would you as a good girl punish me for getting my tits cut off and denying all the men to grope me? And if yes, how?

I'm like 99% Sub, but I'm also a SERVICE Sub, so if you ask me to dom you I just might👀

Also by calling me a good girl, a better girl than you, you're appealing to the part of me that wants to be the best girl to get the most positive male attention and what's a better way to get that than punishing bad girls?🥰

I would force you to wear a bra. Maybe one of your old ones? Maybe stuff it or forcing you to get breastforms if it would ridiculous otherwise.

Then I'd make you put on a transparent shirt over it, and a skirt, and take you out in public like that as my cute little lesbian girlfriend🥰

And after everyone misgendered correctly gendered you all day - maybe you'd need to excuse yourself to the ladies' room to cry from the "dysphoria", too scared to go into the men's dressed like the girl you are - I'd take you home, strip you out of your girly clothes and expose your feminine body. Still obviously FEMALE, no matter if you got so delusional you got your tits cut off, silly girl.

I'd start groping your chest as if still had them, making you regret your stupid decision to get rid of them, maybe making you cry again with regret, and then I'd start playing with your nipples. Teasing them, licking them, pinching them, pulling at them until you're sore. If I didn't make you cry before, now I'll make sure you do.

You'd beg me to stop, and I'd keep torturing your girly nipples with one hand while I started teasing your pussy with the other, mocking you for how wet you were.

I'd laugh at you, silly little girl, pretending to want me to stop when you clearly like it so much.

I wouldn't finger you properly until you promised me to switch your T out for estrogen to make your tits grow back. I'd make you cum on my fingers promising you'll be a good girl again.

[gate4043]

This was the first outfit I wore out of the house.

I was terrified. Wearing an old blue shirt I've had for years that was kinda girly but you can't really see it, it was more for me and for my confidence, a black pinafore dress, stockings, and you can't see them but just my white cheap kmart sneakers. I was also wearing breast forms (I think D cup ones) I'd bought off amazon and a shitty Bonds bra that had managed to keep them in place. I hadn't shaved my arms in a while, so I was afraid to take off the jacket. You can't see it, but my bald spot had gotten really bad, which I thankfully didn't notice until I got home.

It was a Saturday. My mum and stepdad would get back from holiday the next day, so I only had that day to do it. But it was late in the day by the time I'd actually mustered up the courage and put together an outfit. My car was parked out on the lawn, and our neighbours talked a lot with my parents and the neighbour across the street was pretty nosey and watched us a lot. I had zipped up my jacket and put on a pair of jeans so that I could drive my car into the driveway, go back inside and take my pants off, then hop back in the car and go to the only shop that was open at 9:30 something on a Saturday that people wouldn't recognise me at.

It did go wrong a little. The part of the garage that opens up to the back was a little ajar, which meant the dog ran through and out into the front yard. I panicked, pulled back into the driveway, and then ran around to the front door and desperately called him in.

I drove to the shop panicking the entire time. It was amazing, and it was scary as shit to be doing it, I assuredly accidentally broke some traffic rules out of sheer nervousness. Rolled up to the shop. Worst experience I've ever had out in public. Everyone stared. Got called a freak by a passerby whispering under his breath, to this day that's the only time that's ever fucking happened. Got inside, bunch of stares and misgendering from old cis white dudes, and everyone else in the shop was actually really lovely. Clocked the checkout as kinda queer, they were super nice about everything, headed home, freaked the fuck out.

Here I am fourteen months later in May of this year

So that's just under six months on E at the time. Went out to a friend's first year E anniversary, it was wild, there were multiple people being held by their partners with leads, there was a person in crazy makeup and a top hat and boot heels and they explained to me where they got their hat, I got to sit in a cute girl's lap and snuggle, it was great.

I wanna talk about confidence

When I was in the closet, when I was finally starting to come out, I was doing a lot more than I'd ever done before. I'd gotten clothes from my brother's fiancée, then girlfriend, which fit me, and I'd dress up around the house and run around with the lights off upstairs because the neighbours on both the front and back of the house could see through into ours and again, they talked. All it would have taken is one dickhead blabbing and suddenly a shitstorm would've broke loose.

I have an awkward body for transitioning. What's worse, I could've prevented it because I've known I was trans for that long. Shoes won't fit me, don't even bother trying, my feet are fucking massive, even for guys. My shoulders are just wide. I know the jacket didn't help, but believe me, it wasn't as thick as it looks. I have a serious body hair problem which I hope to all fuck will get sorted out in some way with hormones, but I expect before long I'll be getting full body electrolysis, damn the expense.

This is why I'm showing this stuff, is because I was not confident, I was not the kind of trans person who posts a bunch of pictures of themselves to the internet and I'm still not that and I don't think I'll ever be that. Right now it's almost 2 AM, I haven't shaved all day, the toilet's clogged and I didn't want to sit down in the water so I was forced to stand up to pee because I was busting which made me feel dysphoric and gave me impostor syndrome at the same time and I have work tomorrow. But I know seeing a trans person I can relate to helps me whenever I'm feeling down, and I felt like sharing this.

It's okay to be a mess of a person, you don't have to be like the really fucking beautiful people I see on the internet all the time. You can be a goblin that struggles to achieve humanity, let alone gender presentation, and that doesn't change who you are on the inside and that doesn't mean that you can't do everything you wanna do and be everything you wanna be. Don't let it discourage you, you're awesome. You're always gonna be awesome. G'night.

[salvadorbonaparte]

I enjoy looking at clothes and fashion and such and one of my favorite color schemes are pinks and reds and black and white like a whole Valentine’s Day theme. The clothes are so cute and femme and I low key want them but I don’t want to get misgendered. my favorite celebrities tend to wear skirts or flowy pretty clothing but I don’t want to be mistaken for a woman like ughh 😖

Ugh yeah I know that feeling. Sometimes I wanna wear earrings or skirts or something but in the way my queer male friends or male-read friends would do. Unfortunately I have been cursed with some very obvious curves.

[mjorthehighway]

Kinda tired of femininity being forced down my throat as a trans man tbh. All the posts about trans men now seems to only vomit "It's OK to be feminine and not medically transition and have a femme voice and dress femme" (which are valid statements don't get me wrong, it's just all i seem to see now)

So this is a Trans Man Positivity post for the men like me:

You are valid if you never want anyone outside your partner(s) to know you are trans.

You are valid if you regularly pitch your voice down/do vocal training

You are valid in wearing clothes that make you feel safe and comfortable, even if you'd rather wear something else (you'll get there, take your time!)

You are valid if the idea of not being able to bind for a day scares you/makes you anxious

You are valid if you get upset being constantly misgendered, despite all the hard work you've put into your appearance.

You are valid in going incognito for your own ssfely (I.e. according to everyone who knows you, you are a "cis man")

You are valid in lying about your agab to anyone for your own safety

And finally you are valid if you're even afraid of being transgender at all. Realizing you are trans is sometimes a frightening feeling rather than a euphoric one, especially with all the anti-trans laws sweeping across the US and the almost absolute lack of trans protection laws everywhere else (with a few exceptions obvs) Of course the majority of people are loud and vocal in the support of trans people, we're still nowhere near the state of "every trans person can come out and not be persecuted/hurt" so please be kind to the trans people in your life who are scared/closeted and make decisions about their gender expressions that make them feel safe. If a trans man says "I look really cute in this skirt but I'd feel really unsafe and probably dysphoric if I wore it" maybe take them at their word and don't (even though most people would see it as helping a homie with some dope fashion choices) pressure them into wearing something femme just to "stick it to the man" Yes gendered clothes are bullshit, and the gender binary is bullshit, but don't you ever make a trans person feel bad for playing the gender binary game for their own safety, please and thank you.

Another small slightly related note: Unless someone explicitly states to you that they are OK with you outing them, DONT REVEAL OTHER PEOPLES TRANS IDENTITY. Even if the person you're talking to is open minded and obviously pro-trans it's still not your place to out someone else without permission. Ever. Trans people aren't here to give you more woke points by being your friends, so stop parading us around to other people like trophies. Stop it.

[mejomonster]

just a rant about gender and dysphoria and happiness and frustrations i guess?

im gonna go on a few more tangents fuck it ToT so for one: while i love that binders exist (truly they're amazing), i personally hate wearing them because for me they feel just like a bra, and a bra makes me feel Not-Great, and i'd much rather wear layers and bigger clothes to hide my chest (while being pissed all genders cannot simply wear no shirt and no Nothing and be treated the same), because the simple thing of Some Constricting Thing on My Chest makes me feel more dysphoric ddkdkd

and then second: so when i was lets say a teenager to in college, i did a lot of varying with my self expression. high school saw me volley from very butch to lazy femme looking frequently. i chopped all my hair off, then got wigs so i could still do those high glam looks when i wanted. in college i tried out long bleached hair deep side part with undercut and cut off sleeve t-shirts (think Pat in Bad Buddy if he was a punk lesbian) and then 1 inch hair when i got fucking sick of long hair like i always do (and many a dad sweater). i got a tiny waist and big fucking hips. big shoulders. so im an hourglass i guess, when i wear anything that fits me. its pretty easy to read 'feminine' to a stranger, when all u gotta do is put on clothes that fit, 1 line of eyeliner, and there u go (and i'd learn later w a face like mine there was no need for the eyeliner... or the rest).

but for a while i just did not Want to Ever read feminine, unless i was on a date with a cute girl, so at work nonstop i wore loose pants to hide my waist size, baggy sweaters, binder, my hair was cut off, no makeup, my usual glasses. on paper i shoulda looked like a hipster guy i guess. in reality every fucking day some customer would say 'ma'am, miss, young lady' to get my attention. and lo and behold i find out i just wont really ever read as butch to a stranger. not with my face -3-)/ i mean yeah. maybe if i took testosterone, if it changes the shape of my face enough. i already have a mustache. i've grown it out, and bleached it, and shaved it, and even at it's longest strangers were like 'hi miss could u help me'. and that was i dunno. an interesting thing for me to realize. to realize that for every stranger i meet, generally, they're going to look at me and think 'marilyn monroe' no matter how i decide to present visually.

and well. i DO like some feminine presenting appearance things. i like lolita dresses, i like dying my hair every color i can get a hold of, i love eyeliner because that part of the teen emo phase never left me. i like bright colored eyeshadows, and drawing fun things with my eyeliner. i like dressing up as high femme as i can if i'm going on a date with a femme, because it's fun to dress up with someone else going to the nines. i like my waist, it's like Link! and Raiden! and Axel! And if they are guys, i can be a guy too (and honestly this is to all guys - you a guy? then you ARE a guy. you don't have to prove that to anyone, or meet some arbitrary standards, there's a wonderful rant Enterprise Incidents Podcast did about 'what is a man? a woman? anything they want' because humans come in infinite diversity and what is a man to one man is not the same as another, its just who that guy themselves IS.)

and well. i decided - if strangers are gonna misgender me no matter what, i might as well stop trying to change my looks to what 'strangers' might prefer from me, and instead just look the way i want to anyway. and of course, college was a good time in some ways. i found tumblr, i found other bisexual people and felt a hell of a lot less alone, i found trans people sharing their experiences, and realize Ayyyyy Dysphoria is what i felt all through high school now it all makes sense why i kept praying for god to turn me into a dude! I already AM a dude! feeling SO much like u are one... u probably ARE already one.

(y'all have no idea how uninformed my knowledge was of trans people in high school was... my school had zero out kids, most kids as naive and uninformed as me - some who would later realize they were trans like me, and the only info i had on trans people was the movie Boys Don't Cry which... that movie's got a host of issues. But what teen mejo took from it was: no one in the world would acknowledge me as a man unless i got surgery. And since i never heard of transgender before, i assumed that meant 'ur gender has to match ur body' hence the praying for years to just wake up a guy. jokes on me! i was already! wishes do come true dkdkdkd. Anyway. It wasn't until getting to college, finding educational resources online, and finding community on tumblr, that i realized Simply Already Feeling I Was a Guy internally... made me one.

And also the much broader, more healing realization for many people including cisgender people: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, whatever makes you HAPPY, you are the gender you feel you are and that's literally all it requires. You already ARE whatever you are, and your heart knows. Or your heart doesn't, and you explore. But my point is: cisgender men can wear makeup and love it and still be men. Cisgender women can shave their heads and grow lots of body hair and be 6 feet tall and love fishing. Your gender doesn't mean you can't like something or can't do something or can't be something, you can like/do/be WHATEVER YOU WANT. No matter who you are.

And being trans doesn't change that. Yes, there's additional factors: a trans woman who doesn't want big boobs and loves short hair is at risk of being misgendered by strangers more... but so are cis women. So are all women. That doesn't mean masculine hobbies or looks or likes makes you a man, it's just whatever. Strangers making judgements happens for so much bullshit, it doesn't mean they get to define you, strangers opinions do not Decide what you are. Only you do. Cis men and trans men can love makeup, can love baking, whatever the fuck! What makes you a man? Feeling you are a man. What makes you a woman (or anyone)? Feeling she is. Simple as that. What can you do/be/look like in this world? WHATEVER the fuck you WANT.

So yeah. I go through all those realizations in college. (and to get down in the weeds, I probably related to bigender the most as in line with my feelings, which i just label as nonbinary for strangers because... to be honest the number of people who even knew what Nonbinary was when i realized i felt nonbinary was miniscule, even less then the ppl who knew what bisexuality was. i mostly feel like a dude. i still connect with being a woman. maybe its because im nonbinary, but i feel like gender is so dumb in some ways. i'm so happy for y'all who feel gender euphoria, and i recognize a huge portion of people find solace and comfort in strongly feeling like their gender. but at the same time i feel like straight ppl could figure out how to only be attracted to the ppl they like now, even if gender didn't exist. knowing humans, we'd make up a new system to divide humans into classifications like a gender-equivalent construct based on nose shape or eyebrows idk. so its not like humans are about to stop caring about gender, and there'd still be some made up human way of splitting people apart they'd probably use to build inequality idk. humans already do that with a lot of other concepts they made up besides gender.)

the point i'm circling back to is: gender is great for many a person, and the only important thing to really remember is you can be whatever you want in this world, you're allowed. if you're a boy, if you're a girl, if you're nonbinary, if you're agender, whatever body you have, whatever hobbies or likes or talents or whatever. you do not have to be trapped in a box, you're allowed to be Fully You. Whoever that is. You're allowed to conform to expectations of A or B or whatever, you're allowed to do your own thing, you're a human being and whoever you are - is you. You are not broken just because YOU are a bit different than someone else.

and then a third tangent: i hope for cis people to internalize that fucking realization too. I dunno if it's people older than me, or younger, or in the same boat, but sometimes i am just hit Hard by the terror i'll be hearing cis people distraught about. i'll hear how horrified they, a cis woman, are to be 'masculine' or simply to be 'not interpreted by strangers as feminine Enough' (whatever the fuck the Enough Impossible-Standard is that society perpetuates to them - usually a white classist patriarchal conservative ideal, where an ideal woman is 1. white. 2. long haired. 3. wears full makeup. 4. is very skinny 5. is upper class and wears expensive things 6. has no body hair 7. is 'demure' and submissive and caretaking and sweet and innocent OR sexy and appealing to others etc).

So many cis women I see crying, full on horrified, because they're overweight. Dieting to dangerous degrees, because they're overweight (like most of the population in my country, their weight is perfectly average it's not like most other ppl aren't just like them), and overweight = ugly = poor = black = masculine = man in the fucked up mainstream ideals of beauty and white womanhood. So many cis women freaking out they have boxy bodies instead of curves, have hair on their face (newsflash all humans have at least this thin peach fuzz on their face - if you are not white and blonde then Yes, Sometimes that peach fuzz is darker colored or you get a mustache like me) and just shaving it isn't enough - they still feel they aren't inherently allowed to be a 'woman' because of it. SOOOOOOO many of these cis women would benefit greatly from the recognition of a woman as 'anything.' A woman IS anything. Any appearance, any hobbies, any likes.

So many cis men horrified they don't live up to a strict fucked up box of an ideal as well - terrified they don't make enough money to be a 'real' man. Terrified they aren't skinny enough, or aren't muscular enough, or aren't assertive enough, or can't provide Enough to others, or show Too Much emotion. (A lot of these limiting gender ideals coming from the same white patriarchal upper class ideal, so by design MOST men will probably never manage to reach such ideals - the ideals causing them to fight each other, to prove who's 'most alpha', the ideals causing them to abandon themselves - because to be a 'real man' is to not cry or show weakness or admit to struggling to live up to the ideal, the ideals causing them to lash out at others - and rewarding them for it, because if they harm others then they'll help perpetuate this fucked up system by hurting more people and putting the pressure on more people To Strive to Live Up to The Ideal in the hopes of finally gaining enough acceptance to avoid further attacks). Every incel in some degree is so internally distraught trying to live up to the Ideal Real Man, who 'gets bitches' and feels they'll never really be a 'real man' until they can too. Every dude sucked into the manosphere has heard so much awful stuff about what a man has to do in order to 'prove he's a man and Deserve to be treated as a man' that they've taken to heart. And now they're perpetuating that harm, hurting MORE guys and insisting even more other guys aren't REAL unless they conform as well (and hell - probably still don't deserve to be respected as Real Men unless they also get rich and successful).

How many of these cisgender people would be so much fucking happier, and hurt significantly less people (and stop hurting themselves) if they just realized, really fucking took to heart, that a person is their gender JUST BECAUSE they feel they are. My guy, do you think you're a guy? CONGRATS you're a real man and whatever kind of guy you are IS a real guy. Miss over there, you are desperate to prove you're a woman? You ALREADY are. You do not need to diet more to prove that, or change your hobbies or quit your fucking job.

It's frustrating to see that giant system hurting people on so many levels. Just everywhere.