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littlxpxtal · 8 months ago

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Therefore I Am

TYRANTS || STORY MASTERLIST PAIRING: rafe cameron x fem!reader WARNINGS: MDNI 18+ Content, swearing, sexual content, drug and alcohol use, violence WORD COUNT: 3.7K

Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel

Top of the world, but your world isn't real

Your world's an ideal

So, go have fun

I really couldn't care less

And you can give 'em my best, but just know

I'm not your friend or anything, damn

You think that you're the man

November

“Okay so I made this cute ass invite on this website and you can send it out as a text blast.” Sabrina explains to me as we walk to first period together.

“Sab who are you planning on inviting?” I ask. She was keen on throwing me a huge blowout for my 18th. I had gotten better at making friends on Figure 8 but there was a pit of doubt inside me that anyone would actually show up.

“We have to invite everyone whos anyone. Adn they’ll forsure come cus we haven’t had a big rager since Halloween. Everyone is fiending for a party. And everyone is talking about how cool you are.” I roll my eyes at this last declaration.

“No they are not Sab what are you even talking about.” I ask before we walk into the classroom.

“You’ve really impressed everyone at all of my pregames, and even Rafe’s friend group thinks you’re cool. Everyones obsessed with your style, and are dying to know why you’ve spent the last three years wasting time on the cut.” she whispers as we take our seats.

“How do you even know Rafe’s friends like me?” I pull out my history book and homework, feeling my face flush at the thought of them talking about me.

“Just trust me I know.”

“You know, I’m inviting my friends from the cut.” I say with a straight face, dreading her response.

��Y/N … Why would you do that?” she asks, pulling out her supplies.

“Cus they’re my friends. If it’s my party I should be able to invite whoever I want.” I state matterof factly.

“That may cause some problems.” she mumbles before the bell rings. “Im sending the text blast out at lunch. If there’s anyone you dont want there let me know, or else its going to my entire contacts list.” she hisses to me before the teacher starts taking attendance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I adjust the strapless black mini dress on my chest, fidgeting with the zipper on the side before Sabrina walks into my room.

“People are going to start coming in 10 are you ready yet?” she asks, holding a red solo cup out to me.

“Yea, just gotta put on my lipstick. Whats this?”

She smirks and walks over to my full length mirror.

“A concoction just for the birthday girl.” she teases, pulling out her phone to take a picture.

“Get in this with me.” she says. I pose in the mirror with her and take a small sip of the drink, practically choking.

“What the fuck is in this Sab?” I ask, stuggling to keep myself from yakking.

“My version of a tequila sunrise. Mostly tequila.” she says sweetly, taking a sip form her own cup.

“Yea I can tell.” The doorbell rings and my eyes widen.

“I’ll get it. Hurry up!” she exclaims, running out of my room. I take a deep breath and take the berry shade of lipstick I bought for tonight out and start applying in the mirror. I decide to take a selfie of myself, admiring the way the dress fit around my curves.

Somehow Sabrina convinced my parents to let me have this party at my place and got them out of town for the weekend. They were easily convinced by her sweet talk, and were encouraged by the fact that I had been making friends at Kildare Academy. They were more than happy to give Sabrina and me their credit card to buy decorations and even allowed us to use some of the liquor from their cabinet.

I made my way up the stairs to see the living room was starting to fill with familiar faces I had seen in the hallways. I admired my house filled with helium balloons and silver streamer curtains. The room was illuminated with a large disco ball and LED lights. The DJ started playing music in the backyard.

“I think we’re gonna have a big turn out.” Sabrina says when she finally reaches me.

“Do these people actually know what they’re even here for?”

“Of course they do. I even made a card box for people to give you gifts.”

“Sabrina, I don’t want any of these peoples money.” I say confused.

“These people come from old money its practically tradition. Plus theyre drinking the booze we bought so its like an entry fee.” she says giggling and grabbing my hand, leading me to the backyard.

“You got the playlist I sent right?” she asks the DJ. I recognized him immediately, he was a barista at the cafe I always went to when I used to hang in the cut. He smiles softly at me and I thank him for being here tonight.

“There’s the birthday girl!” I hear someone shout from the backdoor. I turn around to see Topper, Kelce, Rafe a group of random girls surrounding them. He’s holding a handle of Titos up in the air.

“TOP!” Sabrina exclaims, dragging me over to greet them.

“Happy birthday Y/N” he says, greeting me in a hug. “This is for you, from all of us.” he says handing me the large bottle. I stare at in shock and laugh.

“Thanks guys.” I respond. Before I can greet Kelce or Rafe, Sabrina takes the bottle from my hands.

“Shots?” she asks the group. The guys cheer in response and she leads them back inside the the kitchen where the cups were.

“Happy birthday.” Rafe whispers in my ear, trailing right behind me. I feel goosebumps rise on my arms. “You look good.” he murmurs as we reach the counter.

“TO Y/N” Sabrina declares and we raise the shot glasses up to the cieling

“TO ME!” I Cheer before downing the shot. I hiss at the burning in my throat and squeeze my eyes closed.

More people fill into my living room and start piling into the backyard. I’m greeted with hugs and fist bumps from people I vaguely remember, they thank me for inviting them and I have to pretend like I’m the one who even made the invite in the first place.

I finally check my phone for the first time since people started arriving.

Sarah Cameron

We’re pulling up in a sec

I smile at my phone and scan the room to see if they’ve arrived.

“You waitin on someone?” I hear Rafe ask from behind me.

“Yea Sarah’s comin.” I say without looking back at him.

“I assume that means the clowns will be making an appearance as well.” he asks, finally standing next to me, his arm brushing against my shoulder.

“Play nice it’s my birthday.” I remind him, taking a sip from my birthday concoction.

“Long as they play nice too.” he responds before walking off. I roll my eyes and scan the room again. They still weren’t anywhere in sight, so I walk off to mingle with my guests.

I find a familiar face in the sea of people and make my way to him.

“Hi Noah.” I say, interrupting his conversation with a girl I had never seen befroe.

“Hey Y/N . Happy birthday!” he says before pulling me into a hug. It lingers for a little too long and I feel my cheeks blush when he finally releases me.

“This is a great party. Much better than my 18th.” he says, standing close and leaning down to be eye level with me.

“Whadid you do for yours?” I ask, trying to hide my disgust as I take another sip from the drink Sab made me.

“I had the flu. I had to go to the hospital and everything.” he says shurgging his shoulders.

“Damn that sounds awful. You can pretend tonights your birthday if you want.” I say, trying to cheer him up. I feel his eyes scan my body up and down and he inches closer.

“Well I know what I would want for my present.” he whispers. I bite my lip and giggle.

“Cute” I say in response. From the corner of my eye I spot JJ and I run towards him.

“JJ!” I shriek, throwing myself into his arms. He lifts me up and spins me around.

“Happy birthday doll. You have hella friends now huh?” he asks giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I dont know half of these people. Sabrina just invited them.” I say in response. He smirks and scans the room.

“Whos the dude who was practically eye fucking you?” he says, I glance over to see he’s giving a death glare to Noah.

“Kid I know from Kook academy.” I shrug.

“BIRTHDAY GIRL!” Kiara shouts, popping up from behind JJ.

“Kie!” I squeeze her with all my might. I feel a rush of excitement fill my body as people I actually knew and loved were finally here. John B and Pope pile into our hug.

“Where’s Sarah?”

“She went looking for you. Looks like she ran into her brother though.” John B says, nudging his head over towards the back of the kitchen. I direct the group to follow me, leading them through the crowd of people stuffed into my living room. I trip over a ballon on the floor, and feel an arm reach out to help me gain my balance. I look up to see its Rafe.

“Thanks” I mumble, pulling my arm away from his grip. I direct my attention away from him and smile at Sarah

“Happy birthday girl! I heard Rafe got you a present and I think it’s only appropriate that we indulge.” she says, wiggling her eyebrows and holding up the half empty handle of titos up at me.

She fills up shots enough for everyone including Rafe. His body is blocking me from being in the circle, so I shove past him, forcing my way into the center.

I look at Kiara and smirk, “arriba! abajo! al centro! pa dentro!” We cheer. The group finishes the shot and I find myself brave from the liquid courage I had just been given. I pull a chair out from behind the counter and stand on top of it.

“THANK YOU FOR COMING AND CELEBRATING MY 18TH WITH ME!” I Shout to the crowd of people in the kitchen and dining area. “LETS GET FUCKED UP!” I shout.

Pope hands me a Natty Lite from his book bag and I tip it to its side, cracking the bottom open with my teeth. For a second I realize my inner pogue is coming out. But I decide I didn’t give a fuck. It was my fucking birthday.

I crack open the can and inhale the beer in 3 chugs. I crush the can with my hand and toss it out into the crowd. The room erupts in cheers and I turn around to my friends seeing their shocked yet excited expressions on their faces.

“Lets fucking dance.” I say. JJ walks up to the chair and puts out his arms.

“Lets go dance princess.” he says, pulling me down into his arms, placing me softly on the ground. I grab his hand, leading them to the backyard where the DJ began blasting the Pursuit of Happiness remix.

The backyard area is filled with people already dancing. I squish us into the center of the crowd and notice that Rafe and his friends decided to join.

I feel my body moving along to the beat, not giving a care in the world, sticking my hands up in the air and letting the crowd's movements take me around the circle. Dancing face to face with Sarah, her back against John B’s.

Our bodies are squeezed together and I slowly grind against hers before I’m pushed to the side and end up in front of Kiara. She’s dancing against Pope and I remember I need to ask her how that situation is coming along. Before I can lean into ask, my body is moved again to be in the center of the circle. I take a few steps back to the beat and spin around.

Losing my balance, I end up with my back pressed against a tall figure. His arms softly grab my hips. If I didn’t know any better I would assume it was JJ. But I look over to see him standing in between John B and Pope. I crane my neck to look and see its Rafe, with a slight smirk on his face.

I decide to play along, turning my body to face his. His hands move furth up my back, running them up and down as I grind my body against his. I keep my eyes closed, refusing to make eye contact with him, trying to show that I would dance with literally anyone like this. I wrap my hands up around his neck and jump around to the beat before the song stops and there’s silence amongst the crowd. I drop my hands from his neck and whip my head towards the DJ, and see Sabrina standing up there with a lit up cake.

She grabs a microphone from the DJ and begins singing Happy Birthday to me. I feel my face get hot and body tense, realizing that everyone was staring at me, singing along in unison. My worst nightmare. She makes her way through the crowd, everyone making a path for her to reach me.

When she finally does the song is almost over and I feel tears brimming in my eyes. Mainly becomes I’m so drunk and overwhelmed with anxiety from what was happening.

“Make a wish!” I close my eyes and blow the candles out. The crowd erupts into a cheer and the DJ starts up a new song, everyone returning back to where they were before the serenading.

“I hate you.” I say, as we walk to the kitchen.

“Noooo you love me. And look at all these people here for YOU.” I give her side hug as she places the cake on the counter.

“Thanks for doing this for me.” I say. She turns to face me with a large grin spread across her face. “I’m glad we met.”

“Stop being sappy and go back out and dance.” she says, pushing me towards the back door.

“I have to pee first” I say, making my way towards the basement door. I make my way down the stairs to my room. After finishing my business I walk back into my room and see Rafe inspecting my bookshelf.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” I ask, startled at his intrusion.

He doesn't respond, just glances over, eyeing my body up and down before picking a book off of the shelf.

“You read a lot of fiction.” he states.

I walk over and grab the book out of his hand.

“I asked you a question.” I place the book back in its place and turn to face him.

“I was curious.” he says, shrugging.

“Okay, well I’d like you to leave now.” I say pointing towards the door.

“No you don’t,” he says, stepping closer to me. So close I can smell his cologne. It was woody yet musky. Dior Sauvage I would guess, making a mental note to check it out at the mall next time I got the chance.

“You say that like you know what I want.”

“Cause I do.” he says, staring down into my eyes.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m Rafe fucking Cameron. And you’re just some girl who has a birthday party with kids she doesnt even know. I see right through you.”

“Im not just some girl, who do you think you are talking to me like that?” I feel rage flowing through my body and I take a step closer, our chests practically touching. His chest is rising with deep breaths and I glance at his hands that are balled into fists.

“You think you’re hot shit now that you hang with kids on figure 8. But they won’t forget where your loyalties lie. You proved it tonight by inviting your fucking pogues.” I roll my eyes.

“Is that what this is about? Cus I invited my best friends? They’re just people Rafe. You and your loser friends only care about labels. We’re not even fucking friends why are you here if you’re so hung up on who I invited?”

“You think anyone would be here if I wasn’t?” I scoff at his arrogance.

“God you’re so full of yourself. Get a grip.”

Everything happens in an instant. His body moves forcefully against mine, pushing me into my closet door. I wince at the abrupt force. His arms are planted on the door above my head and he dips his face to meet mine.

“You're not as cool as you think you are pretty girl. You can stand on a table and shotgun all the beers you want. You can dance like a fucking slut at any party but that’s all anyone gonna remember you by. A party girl with no personality.” I feel tears well in my eyes at his bitter words.

“You act like your entire personality isnt partying. You live in a fucking fantasy world where its cool to do coke and fuck random girls like its a well respected hobby. You don’t know shit about my personality because I would never let someone like you know anything about me.” I spit back.

He stands silent for a second, his breathing hard and heavy. My eyes meet his, tears no longer threatening to spill over. All I feel is hot rage and red staring into his blue eyes. His right-hand moves from above my head to grip the back of my neck. He pauses as if he's second-guessing his next move.

Before I can think of a response his mouth collides with mine. I melt into his touch, tasting the liquor shared between our breath and his cool tongue grazing over my bottom lip. Reluctantly I let out a groan, frustrated that he was a good kisser. He moves his mouth aggressively against mine, pushing me hard against the wall. My hands finally move from my sides up into his hair giving a slight tug.

He finally releases his grip from the back of my neck and I gasp out trying to catch my breath when I hear screaming from outside. I decided it would be quicker to get to the back through the sliding door in my room that leads to a small patio on the side of the house. I run out and around the house to see a commotion happening on the dance floor.

My breath hitches and goosebumps rise across my body as I realize what is happening. Rafe trails behind me as I get closer to the group of people fighting, seeing JJ and Pope getting kicked around on the ground

“WHAT THE FUCK” I screech, pushing through the crowd, trying to pull the guys off of my friends. I turn around to Rafe.

“HELP ME” I ask, He runs his hands through his hair, contemplating on what he should do

“Please” I beg before turning around to try and pick JJ off the ground. I turn around to see Rafe grab the idiot off of Pope and help Pope stand up.

“PARTYS OVER” He roars across the crowd. The DJ instantly turns off the music and I see Sabrina running over to the scene. I’m holding JJ up with my arms as he limps over with blood smeared across his face.

“JJ what happened? Where’s Sarah and John B?” I ask. I then realize JJ is drunk out of his mind and cant even look straight.

I turn around to see Pope is sitting on a chair with Rafe standing next to him.

“Pope what happened, where is everyone?”

The crowd starts to clear and I tug JJ along to sit next to Pope.

“They went looking for you and some kooks started talking shit about us being here and…” he trails off. “Sorry to ruin your birthday Y/N”

“I know its your birthday n all but I really dont think these people wanted us here.” JJ finally says.

“No shit.” I hear John B saying behind me.

“There you guys are. What the fuck happened I left for 5 minutes and these fools are getting curb stomped?”

“These are your new fucking friends lets remember that” JJ Says, finally standing. “Look, we love you Y/N. But its not a good idea for us to be comin to any of these events again.” he says harshly.

“But I wanted you guys here.”

“And we wanted to be here to support you but, JJs right Y/N. Its never a good outcome for us to be in Figure 8.” John B says, pulling Pope off of the chair. “Lets go guys.”

I stand there feeling hopeless. I wasnt allowed back on the cut, and if my friends wouldnt come to my side of the island, I would never see them.

“But- but” I stammer.

Sabrina interrupts the moment tugging my arm to face her.

“Hey, I’m gonna go but I’ll be back in the morning to help you clean okay?” Sabrina says, nudging her head over to the top of the patio where the DJ was standing there, with all his stuff packed up. “He’s gonna walk me home.” she says with a smirk.

“Okay I’ll see you.” I turned to realize my friends were making their way towards the front door.

“Guys please dont leave.” I plead catching up with them.

“We gotta get them home Y/N,” Kie says, holding Popes hand.

“I’ll text you when were back okay? I hope you had a good birthday.” she says, giving me a kiss on my cheek and opening the front door.

“I’ll see you soon okay?” Sarah says, giving me a tight squeeze before walking out with the rest of them. I watch them walk down my driveway, feeling defeated and angry.

I turn around and slam the front door shut, looking around the room to see a mess of red solo cups, streamers and popped balloons all over the floor. I rip my heels off my feet and walk towards my basement door before I hear the back door slide open.

“I don’t think we were finished.”

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eatmangoesnekkid · 6 months ago

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Cassie: Friend, Soulmate, and Self-Regenerating Muse

One of the ongoing themes of my multi-book series is The Muse: the consciousness, archetype, and ways of moving and being of the Muse, who is the Muse and why this energetic matrix is important for every femme to embody for her aliveness and manifestation potential. I made a major edit in this chapter after randomly meeting someone one warm day in Amsterdam recently. The chapter now opens with a story about her.

Cassie is her name and she is stunning. I don’t know what it is about Amsterdam but I rarely—meaning—never —meet people I feel a deep soul kinship with. To be fair, I spend more time biking in Amsterdam instead of walking because the weather is often trashy. But walking is my favorite exercise and I tend to walk a whole lot more in other cities when I’m traveling because, hello, beautiful weather. But on this warm beautiful Sunday in Amsterdam, I joyfully walked everywhere. That’s how I met Cassie, an Indonesian and Surinamese (Black) 38 year old Goddess as she was lightheartedly and confidently sashaying down the street in her short denim dress with peak-a-boo air holes cut out on the sides which illuminated her waist.

She was alone with no cell phone or bag, casually strollin' to her own rhythms while licking a vanilla ice cream cone and delighting in her own innocence and pleasure after walking through the city for hours I would later find out. That is so me—walking for hours in a city and getting lost without a cell phone on me. It was like seeing myself and one of my favorite Minnie Riperton album covers come to life in full-size, "Perfect Angel," the one where she is holding a dripping ice cream cone while smiling so sweetly. Suddenly Cassie made a u-turn and sat on the bench directly across from me. I knew I had to say something to her.

The first thing I said was “you must tell me what you do to have that kind of body.” She responded “you must tell what YOU do to have that kind of body.” She reminded me of me so much—it was dreamy and surreal as watching a Maya Deren “black and white” film yet it was as real as human flesh and a beating heart. You know what her answer was?! “I don’t workout my body. I just workout my mindset and emotional body.” I responded with all manners of celebration “you magical neuroscience quantum theory Gawddddd.” We both laughed! We ended up talking for 4 whole hours— nerding out on everything from quantum physics and metaphysics to speaking about our dreams, love, farm life, and why high-quality, non-extractive penetration (when mutual love and reverence are present regardless of the 'relationship status' between the two) is essential for the healthy shape of a woman’s body and to liberate the deeper coiled wisdom living in her female tissues that no male guru in India could ever possibly understand or teach. It felt like Cassie and I had only been sitting there for only 30 minutes. She was my muse and I was hers. We went on a real journey together.

To open yourself up to The Muse and allow this regenerative consciousness to be your lighthouse in the world requires devotion and a kind of playful endurance and resiliency where you begin to hold a quality of self-worth that does not allow you to give up before the miracles start to happen in your life. Being able to follow a dream -your heart's desires and big visions, capable of trusting the process of what is being divinely asked of you to do and not give up, truly embodying the mindset of a divine being, yield a greater energy of pure power. And what I know about energy is that everything is sourced from it, even though it appears physical to our eyes.

Of course, if you desire to work through the physical/3D world/matter, those things you can logically track and measure, you can. But the truth is that you access more infinite power to shift your body and whole life when you begin to tune into E-N-E-R-G-Y, the subtle, immaterial, and invisible, the spirit that lies beneath the surface, like blessing your food and directing it to travel to the parts of your body you’d like for it to energize or nourish, to make more shapely or healthy. Also, getting into energy work and metaphysics, the essences of your chi, makes you prettier like a beauty ritual, more naturally attractive, magnetic, and wiser. I can’t wait to finalize this chapter and share a snippet here. Yum!—India Ame’ye

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gah-who-are-you · 6 months ago

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Choso! Win over my heart!

Choso X Fem. Reader (SFW) (Reader likes collecting and wearing earrings. Which causes them to constantly go shopping for earrings. Not only that but the reader finds some sense of comfort in wearing them. The reader can find themselves to suddenly get really anxious and panic if they don't wear their earrings in a public space. Reader has trust issues and well despite having dated choso for months, she finds a side of her doubting them, even if she really doesn't want to. Reader is shown to have trust issues and I really hope this can help some of you see yourselves in it. I personally have trust issues and it can get the best of me, even if it's foolish and doesn't make sense. So I wanted to depict that, because sometimes those thoughts really can isolate us from what's in front of us. There's a better explanation on what I wanted to focus on at the end of the post.)

---Summary----------------------------------------------------------------

You've been trying to buy some new earrings recently, searching online but not really finding any of them to catch your attention. You got pretty frustrated about it. Choso noticed your change in mood, and knows about your obsession with earrings. He's seen the different earrings you have on the displays in your room, and when you go out on dates you're always wearing a different pair each time, which he likes to notice and later on talk about the story on how you picked them out. Whether you found them in a store or stumbled upon them on the internet. Sometimes it led to interesting stories. Like how you almost fought a 15 year old for the last earrings of your character that was limited edition. Which amused Choso. So he found it weird when you were out on a date together and noticed you not wearing any earrings. He sees your mood is pretty sour and that you seem to shift uncomfortably. You seem to have enclosed yourself more, barely talking to him and instead distancing yourself. Choso found this pretty surprising, He knew you really liked earrings and found that they were a sense of comfort to you, but he never saw how you'd react without them. So this led to you spacing out and walking alongside Choso. Choso held your hand and guided you. Soon enough you found yourself in front of a hot topic. (You see throughout the few months you've spent dating you've found yourself hesitant. Having gained trust issues throughout your years of growing up.)

---Start!---------------------------------------------------------------------

Your thoughts were gone. You reached up to your where you earlobe is and didn't feel the familiar sensation that you would when you would wear your earrings. You didn't have them on to be able to fidget with. Dammit, I should've just put on some random earrings instead of having worried about it not matching the outfits. You see you knew that if the earrings didn't match it would be bothering you the whole day. You had to have everything matching. Your perfectionism just would let you. Yet now you wish that you would have just put on any earrings really! Yet all you could do was sigh and shake your head. Why do I do this to myself... You thought. You found yourself fidgeting, holding onto your white cardigan while you other hand was intertwined with Choso's. Your nerves were getting to you. Your palms were sweaty and you felt your stomach churn. Your head started to pulse and you find yourself short of breathe. No not again. not now. You thought, as your repeated it in your head. You started walking slower, you hand tightening around choso's. It's like you were isolated, in a small cube. You felt as if your body was being compressed, you lost your rhythm of breathing and thought to yourself. How do I breathe? Like a barrier was isolating you. Before you even knew it Choso took notice, he stopped walking and faced you, as you came to a halt. He placed his other hand on your face and caressed your cheek gently. You jolted in surprise, having been snapped out of your thoughts. Choso looked down at you, concern etching his face. "Hey, love. Are you okay? What's wrong?" his voice was a sense of comfort. Your breathing came to a regular pace. The churn in your stomach slowly leaving you. Your head was starting to clear and you found yourself able to start focusing on what was in front of you. It took you sometime to process why Choso was looking at you like that. Ultimately his questions did click and you tried to wave him off. " I'm okay cho, don't worry. I'm just.. well I'm not really used to not wearing earrings. It's hard to explain" You said nervously but relaxed as you felt Choso's hand rest on your cheek.

You see, choso and you had just started dating a few months ago. You didn't want to weird him out, scare him, or worse have him dump you. But what you didn't see was that those thoughts would have never crossed Choso's mind. Not even in the slightest. Choso looked at you concerned, his eyes scanned your face for any sign of discomfort and his expression softened as he saw the way you relaxed under his touch. He leaned in and gave a small kiss to your forehead, as he wrapped his arms around you gently. "C'mon, let me buy you something." He said with a small hum as he draped an arm over your shoulder. You were slightly confused, not having really seen choso act randomly. Usually on dates you two would have a small schedule, he'd take your out to eat, you'd later go on to read books in the library, him sitting beside you and resting his head on your shoulder. Meanwhile you'd be immersed in the book you read. You'd then go to a mall, walk around, maybe walk into stores that you two had been wanting to go to. A organized yet calm and comforting schedule. So you were confused when he decided to do something you found well....spontaneous? You started to get slightly nervous, spacing out. A million of different thoughts racing and fighting in your head. When suddenly you felt Choso's hand brush gently against you back rubbing circles, soothing you. You looked up and then saw before you the sign of Hot Topic.

You hadn't noticed but a small smile formed on your lips. He looked down at you and smiled gently. "Go on love, choose anything you'd like." He said, his voice soothing your thoughts. That's when you felt that burst in your chest. You heart racing, cheeks turning red, and your breathing coming to a halt. Oh this man, this man is sure going to change you. You thought to yourself. Choso only looked at you and smiled gently softly placing a kiss on your head. You looked at Choso and smiled, your eyes lit up and found yourself lost in him. You turned to the store and walked on in, wrapping an arm around his as he followed you, a smile gracing his features as he sees your body relax upon the sight of the earrings on display. You looked upon the display, some funny earrings shown. Like a little duck holding a knife or something a bit more elegant. Like a moon crescent with dangling gems. Choso looked upon you with love in his eyes. The way you were focused. Evaluating each earring but took note on how you hesitated on buying some of them. He leaned in slightly and took notice that the ones you seemed to like more were a bit more costy. Choso smiled softly as he noticed how despite him saying he's the one to pay, you still found yourself worrying about the price and how much it would sum up to in the end. A hour passed by as you finally decided on three pairs of earrings. ( Authors note: Now you might ask why a hour for just three pair but you see sometimes you gotta be picky and indecisive. Sometimes it can take longer... If you know what I mean.)

You started to walk up to the counter, readying yourself to beat choso before he arrives, noticing that he seemed to be looking at some earrings. But as you placed the earrings down Choso appeared right behind you and placed a pile of earrings before you. Your eyes widened as you scanned the earrings and noticed that all of them were earrings that you had looked at, inspected and found yourself wanting to buy but hesitant. You were about to protest to choso but he just winked at you and paid the order before you could say anything, so there you were, walking outside the store a small bag full with earrings. To say you were surprised wasn't even the start of it. Choso looked at you, warmth in his eyes. "You're going to have a bigger collection now." He said with a soft hum. You looked up at him, gazed at him, you could hardly believe what he had just done. Yet you were grateful, grateful that he noticed the smallest thing about you some people wouldn't even bother to notice. You wrapped your arm around his, rest you head on his shoulder as you walked together to your house. Choso hummed a light tune, he would look at you every now and then, noticing that your eyes seemed tired and would close for a few seconds. Must've been from the anxiety, he thought to himself. So he offered a piggy back, a playful smile gracing his face. You nodded at him and soon enough your arms were wrapped around his neck and your legs around his waist. You noticed his smell, his warmth, and the softness of his hair. The way the wind blew, spreading his scent. The way his soft hair moved in the air and how You felt at ease. A relief washing over you. You nuzzled your face between his neck and gave a soft kiss his to cheek. You noticed his ears flush red and his hand give a gentle squeeze to your thigh. It didn't bother you, not even in the slightest, instead you felt warmth, security, and love for the man who was holding you. You've succumbed to his warmth and his to yours. You eyes closed and you found yourself drifting off, a smile resting upon your face.

This is your peace.

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[ Authors note: I based this off of like comfort items, personally I can't really go out without putting on some earrings. I tend to buy a set of earrings once a week so you can imagine how big my collection is.... I tend to feel uncomfortable when I don't have earrings on when I'm in public. In some way I find the earrings to protect me in some way. Kind of like how hoodies are to some people, or a bracelet that a close friend gave you can make you feel. I don't know if it's something to do with my anxiety.... It's hard to explain. So I really want Choso to showcase that person, a loving one, one that would move the land and sea to make sure you're comfortable. To make sure that you know they love you. Also cause I'm delulu for Choso and really love him .3.) I wanted to showcase how the reader is insecure about relationships, in general reader is shy, anxious, hesitant, really has a lot of issues with them but honestly, I don't want perfection in the reader, I wanted something a bit more vulnerable. I wanted to write a reader where they hit a point of vulnerability where they need that guidance at some point. Even if they try to hide it. I wrote something that I felt would target someone like me and really just bring a sense of comfort. Where the reader finds comfort in the person who has shown to love her more than anything, even if they're hesitant and well to be honest, a reader where a side of her tells her that she doesn't deserve this, that she's weird and that she doesn't really have trust in other and even in herself. Where in the end her mind tells her she's probably being selfish in allowing herself to indulge in the comfort. When in reality it can be a rewarding feeling, a feeling I believe every person deserves when they find themselves with that person that would move the land and sea for them. I really hope at least one person can relate and well find my work enjoyable. (Or maybe I'm just weird, and sad, and alone ;sob;...) -Anyways I hope you enjoy my writing^^ -Also I didn't proof read it...I'm sorry (AND IM SO SORRY IF IT'S OUT OF CHARACTER!!!) -I'm confusing myself just writing my explanation....]

#jujutsu kaisen #choso kamo #choso kamo x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu choso #character x reader #jjk #choso x reader #jjk choso #comfort #choso comfort #jjk fluff #x reader #i love choso #choso is so fine #feeling insecure #im sorry if this doesnt make sense

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fanfictionalraven · 9 months ago

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Reno - Before

Title: Reno - Before

Summary: What actually happened in Reno…

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Reader’s father, Bobby Singer, John Winchester, Sam Winchester,

Word Count: 3,648

Warnings: Mild smut

Author’s Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published in 2017. Italics are flashback.

Read Reno here.

“Dad, come on!! I turn 18 in a week!!” You plead, following your father through the den of Bobby’s house. “I can handle myself!!” He sighs as he tosses his gun into his open bag. He turns to face you, gently placing his hands on your shoulders.

“I know you can, Y/N. But I promised your mom I wouldn’t take you out until you were 18. I didn’t get to keep a lot of the promises I made her, let me keep this one,” he says.

“Way to lay on the guilt trip, Dad,” you say, rolling your eyes. He smiles widely and kisses your forehead before turning back to his bag. You sigh, crossing your arms over your chest as you watch him. “Just be careful. You don’t even know this guy.” He lets out a laugh and glances back at you.

“No, but Bobby does and if Bobby trusts him then who am I to argue?” He asks. You frown and nod again, knowing he was right. Bobby had recommended this other hunter when your dad had called him about the case suggesting the two work together. The other hunter had two sons. One was apparently a couple of years older than you and would be going on the hunt as well while the other, a couple years younger than you, would be staying with you and Bobby. The old grump of a man you considered your uncle steps into the room then and smiles over at you.

“Why don’t you go out back and work on your birthday present? Give your old man a little peace,” he suggests. You stick your tongue out at him before turning for the back door. You hear Bobby and your dad laugh and you can’t help but smile as you make your way out to Bobby’s old salvage yard.

Pulling your hair up into a bun, you stride across the yard to the old Mustang waiting on you. You’d been in love with the old car for years and Bobby had made a deal with you. If you were able to get it running, it was all yours. You were close, you knew it. You’d pulled piece after piece from the other cars laying around and Frankensteined the engine back together. The only thing you were missing was a spark plug. One damn little spark plug was all you needed and your dream car would be complete. However, that seemed to be too much to ask.

“Need some help, darlin’?” An unfamiliar voice asks from behind you. You look back to find a young man making his way over to you. You frown at the smirk on his face and roll your eyes, looking back at the engine.

“No thanks,” you tell him. He stops next to you and you cut your eyes over at him. “Look, darlin’. I’ve built this engine myself. Just because I’m a woman –”

“Hey, whoa,” he says, raising his hands slightly. “I never said you couldn’t do it yourself. Just asked if you needed some help.” You watch him for a moment, trying to determine if he’s serious. The smile he’s giving you seems genuine, even if there is a trace of something in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“Sorry,” you mumble. “You one of Winchester’s boys?”

“Dean,” he introduces himself, holding his hand out. You place your hand in his and shake it briefly. “Guess that makes you Y/L/N’s daughter.”

“Y/N, yea. You’re the oldest, right?” You ask. He smiles and nods. “My father better come back alive.”

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart. We know what we’re doing,” he tells you, laughing lightly. You nod slightly, watching him, before you look back at the engine again. “You’re not coming?”

“Dad promised Mom I wouldn’t hunt until I was 18, which is a week from today but he’s not letting up,” you say, leaning in and tightening a bolt. “You wouldn’t happen to have a spark plug for a ’65 Mustang on hand, would you?” You ask, looking up at Dean. He laughs and you smile when he does, noting the way his face lights up.

“You know, I had one in my pocket just this morning and took it out,” he says. You laugh and shake your head, standing back up straight. “You telling me there ain’t one out here?”

“I have turned this yard upside down and I swear there is not a single spark plug left,” you tell him. He nods as he looks around. His eyes land back on you and you see that flash of something in his eyes again.

“Why don’t you buy one?” He asks. You sigh and pick up a rag, wiping your hands off.

“Bobby doesn’t want me to spend any money on it. Period. It’s my birthday present, I just have to get it running without spending a dime,” you tell him. Dean lets out a laugh and shakes his head.

“Sounds like Bobby,” he says. You smile a little and nod.

“Dean!! Come on, we’re getting ready to go,” a man calls from the back door of the house. You both look over and Dean nods, waving his hand slightly in acknowledgement. The two of you make your way back to the house and Dean holds the back door open for you.

“Y/N, this is my dad John and my little brother Sam,” he says, pointing to the other two men in the room. John barely acknowledges you but Sam gives you a smile which you return politely. Your dad holds his arms open and you rush into them quickly. He presses a quick kiss to your temple.

“Be careful,” you tell him, quietly. He nods, letting you go. He smiles at you as he throws his bag over his shoulder, following John towards the door. Dean comes over next to you and pats your shoulder.

“He’ll be fine. I promise,” he reassures you. You smile slightly and nod. He gives you a quick wink before running out the door with his father and yours.

Three days later, the three men return to Bobby’s a little beaten and a little sore but victorious. You’re surprised when you’re just as relieved to see Dean as you are your father. You’re in the middle of cleaning up a particularly nasty cut on Dean’s left calf when he pulls a small box from his pocket and holds it out for you. Without saying a word, you take the box and open it. You look up at Dean quickly and he winks. Breaking into a wide smile, you turn the contents of the box over into your hand. A spark plug.

“Dammit, Y/N!!” Dean groans through gritted teeth. You roll your eyes, swerving to miss another pothole.

“Stop being a baby, Dean. You’re acting like you’ve never been shot before,” you say, smirking over at him. He shoots you a glare.

“This ain’t Speed, Sweetheart. You don’t have to drive like a freakin’ maniac,” he says, looking at the wound on his shoulder. You glance at it too and hide your frown.

Of course you were worried. Dean was your best friend and the only thought scarier than losing him was the thought of losing your dad. The two of you had been working a case in Reno, a poltergeist terrorizing an abandoned hospital. It had left one teenager dead and another seriously injured. Turned out, the old hospital was also the hang out for a local gang who didn’t take too kindly to a couple of strangers on their turf. Dean’s shoulder had gotten clipped when he pushed you out of the way as you both ran from the building.

“Hey,” Dean says, seeing the concern on your face. “I’m good. I’ve had worse, you know that.” That same old something flashes in his eyes.

“I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about the upholstery you’re bleeding all over,” you lie as you pull into the parking lot of your motel. He lets out a laugh and shakes his head as you bring the car to a stop outside your room. You kill the engine and rush from your side of the car to his, reaching to help him as he gets out.

“I’m fine, Y/N. Just open the door,” he tells you. Rushing ahead of him, you unlock and push open the door, allowing him to walk in first. He sits on the edge of one of the beds as you start to dig through your bag. You find your hunter’s first aid kit, a needle, thread, and bandages, then grab the bottle of whiskey from the fridge.

“Do I need to cut that shirt off or can you strip?” You ask, walking over to him. He smirks up at you.

“Never knew you were into that, Y/N,” he says. You shoot a mock glare at him but can’t keep it up, breaking into a smile. He chuckles then starts to pull his good arm out of the shirt. It’s sticky with sweat and blood so you reach to help, pulling it over his head before carefully sliding it off his injured arm. He only winces once and you consider that a major success.

You carefully examine the damage as he takes a long drink from the bottle you’d brought. The bullet had entered his right shoulder and, thankfully, had gone straight through the soft tissue. There didn’t appear to be any bone or nerve damage. It was through-and-through so you wouldn’t be stuck digging a bullet out. A few stitches and Dean should be good as new.

You take the bottle from Dean and “sterilize” the wound earning a pained hiss from your patient. He takes another long drink from the bottle when you return it to him. Squinting, you carefully thread the needle. Dean takes a deep breath then nods, setting his jaw, and you steadily run the needle through his skin, closing up the wound. After the first few stitches, you catch Dean watching you, that something in his eyes once again.

“What?” You ask, watching your hand make another stitch.

“You’re cute when you’re focused,” he says. Your hand hesitates for a moment before continuing with its task. “The way you bite your lip like that-,” you release your bottom lip quickly, not even having realized you were biting it to begin with. “Kinda makes me wanna try.” Your hand slips and you look at him quickly. The look in his eyes sends a shock wave coursing through your body.

Over the past several years, Dean Winchester had looked at you in many ways. He’d looked at you in pride when you’d completed your first successful vampire kill. He’d looked at you in joy when you understood one of his dumb movie references. He’d looked at you in anger when you’d run off to crack a case on your own and nearly gotten killed. He’d looked at you in pain when Sam and John had their last big fight before Sam left for Stanford. He’d looked at you in sorrow when some idiot had broken your heart. He’d looked at you with that same, indescribable something he’d been looking at you with since the day you’d met. But never could you remember a time when Dean Winchester looked at you in pure, unadulterated lust.

Shaking your head, you manage to break eye contact with him and look back at his wound. You notice his eyes leave you as he attempts to pull himself together.

“Stop distracting me, idiot,” you say, trying to laugh off the sudden palpable tension in the air. Dean clears his throat as he looks around the room.

“Sorry I bled all over Roxy,” he says. You let out a laugh and shrug, moving to sit behind him on the bed.

“Payback for that time I bled all over Baby,” you tell him. Your hands quickly start to stitch up the exit wound on the back of his shoulder. Dean glances back at you, trying not to laugh.

“Yea, Dad was pretty pissed about that,” he says. You roll your eyes.

“Your dad is generally pretty pissed about anything that I do,” you say, looking up at him now. His green eyes are watching you and there it is again. Not the lust but the…something.

“He doesn’t like you,” he says plainly. You nod slightly. That was no surprise. You knew John Winchester didn’t like you. You didn’t know why but frankly you didn’t care. “Wanna know why?”

“Why?” You ask. Okay, maybe you cared a little bit. After all, he was your best friend’s father and you’d never done anything to offend him. Not that you could remember anyways. You set the needle and thread aside before picking up the bandaging.

“Says you’re a distraction,” he starts as you carefully wrap his shoulder. “Says I care about you too much and I’m gonna end up getting myself killed for you.”

“You keep trying to take a bullet for me and he’s gonna be right,” you tell him. You finish wrapping the wound and pat his shoulder gently before pushing yourself up from the bed. You feel his eyes on you as you walk across the room, stashing the supplies back in your bag. “You should go get cleaned up.” You hear him stand and make his way across the room. The bathroom door clicks closed and you let out a breath. “Pull yourself together,” you mumble.

It wasn’t the first time you’d seen Dean without his shirt on and to be honest he’d seen you nearly naked before as well. However, it was the first time he’d looked at you like he wanted to rip your clothes off piece by piece. The look in his eyes had left you shaken. Of course you found him attractive, you weren’t blind. But you’d never cross that line for many reasons. Firstly, he was your best friend. You couldn’t stand the thought of jeopardizing the relationship you had with him. But most importantly, you were hunters and hunters couldn’t have relationships, period. Your parents had both been hunters and your mother died trying to protect your father. Dean was already taking bullets for you, you shudder to think what would happen if you were a couple.

“You gonna ask me what I told him?” Dean asks suddenly. You jump, startled, and spin to face him.

“You keep sneaking up on me like that and you’re gonna get shot again,” you tell him. He’s standing just outside the bathroom door, still without a shirt. The blood that had obscured his chest was now gone leaving you with a perfect view of him.

“Well?” He asks. You look at him, confused. “Are you going to ask me what I told Dad or not?” You roll your eyes and sit down on the edge of the bed before starting to take your boots and socks off.

“I imagine you told him that he was right and you should never see me again. That I am a terrible hunter and distraction whose ass you are constantly having to save,” you say, smirking at him slightly. He breaths a laugh then walks over and squats down in front of you. He takes your hands in his and you watch him, curiously. “Dean?” He looks up and…something.

“I told him I was gonna marry you,” he says like it was the most natural thing in the world. You feel your eyes widen and your heart jump into your throat before it quits beating altogether. “I told him that meeting you was the best thing that had ever happened to me. That I don’t care about anybody the way I care about you.” You’re still staring at him, waiting for the punch line. This was obviously a joke; a really cruel joke that you were going to kick his ass for later, but a joke nonetheless. He’s waiting too, waiting for you to say something. You shake your head slightly, trying to gather your thoughts.

“Wh – what are you saying?” You ask him. He looks down at your hands, still held firmly in his.

“I’m saying…we’re in Reno, Nevada. There’s a chapel right across the street. You’re my best friend. Let’s get married,” he says, looking up into your eyes again. And then you do the only thing you can think to do. You kiss him.

You’d imagined this very moment so many times and yet your wildest fantasies could never have prepared you. His lips are soft against yours, just slightly chapped. Dean lets your hands go and slides one of his into your hair as his mouth starts to move against yours. Your hands find his neck, your nails gently scraping at the edge of his hair. You lay back on the bed, pulling him with you. His lips leave yours eliciting a whimper from you at the loss. He chuckles and moves to your neck, kissing, nipping, and gently sucking.

The two of you work in unison, inching slowly up the bed together until your head finds the pillows. Dean’s fingers slip under the edge of the Zeppelin shirt you’d stolen from him. They barely graze your skin before he starts to push it off of you, forcing you to raise up off the mattress slightly. Once your shirt is removed, one of his hands comes to the small of your back, supporting you, while the other works quickly to unhook your bra. He tosses it and lets you fall back onto the pillows.

His eyes meet yours and he holds your gaze as he slowly descends on one of your breasts. You gasp, arching up into him as his mouth works over your nipple. His hand gently kneads your other breast and you’re nearly breathless. He switches after a moment, his eyes never leaving your face. You groan when he nips at the skin and push back on his shoulders, gently.

“You have to stop that,” you tell him. He laughs lightly then comes back up to your lips, kissing you fervently. Your hands slide down his torso and you make quick work of his belt and the button on his jeans. You hear his boots hit the floor just seconds before you manage to get his zipper undone. A few shimmies of his hips and his pants are off. Your hand slips into the front of his boxers and he grunts, his hips bucking instinctively.

“No, no, no. Ladies first, Sweetheart,” he says, sitting up out of your reach. You smile and watch as he slowly, tortuously unbuttons your jeans. You raise your hips and he pulls them down with your underwear in one motion. You feel a heatwave roll through your body as his eyes rake over your naked frame slowly. His eyes meet yours as he climbs back over you and there it is again. Something.

4:13 AM

Time was passing slowly. You knew because you’d watched every minute tick by for the last two hours. Dean had been softly snoring next to you for nearly that entire time, his arm draped across your waist. You were still trying to figure out what had happened. One minute you had been cleaning Dean’s wound the next he was proposing to you. Nothing made any sense.

4:14 AM

You hadn’t exactly given him an answer but you were sure he was probably going to take you kissing him like that as a yes. And, God, did you want to tell him yes. Of course you wanted to marry Dean. He was your best friend and had been for years now. You knew exactly how you felt about him and now you could guess how he felt about you.

4:15 AM

John’s words echoed in your mind. Dean was going to get himself killed for you. You knew it was true. It had been true before any of tonight’s events had taken place. Hell, he’d taken that bullet for you earlier and it wasn’t even the first time. The thought of losing Dean by choice hurt; but, the thought of losing him by death hurt a hell of a lot worse.

4:16 AM

You feel Dean stir behind you and you freeze. He moves closer to you, pressing his still naked body against yours. His snoring resumes and you sigh. This wasn’t going to be easy. It was probably going to be the hardest thing you’d ever have to do. But you needed to be sure that Dean stayed alive and if that meant you couldn’t be in the picture any longer, then so be it.

4:17 AM

You raise his arm up carefully and slip out from under it, replacing your body with a pillow. Quickly and quietly, you make your way around the room, gathering up your clothes. You watch Dean as you get dressed without making a sound. Your boots you leave off so you can slip out the door noiselessly. You steal one last look at the man sleeping in the motel room bed and…

4:18 AM

You walk out of the room, leaving him in your past.

As you get into the car, you catch sight of the wedding chapel across the street that he’d mentioned. For a moment, you can see it. You can see yourself walking down the aisle. You can see Dean smiling at you, willing himself not to cry. You can see the two of you reciting vows and exchanging rings. You can see him carrying you out of the chapel and back across the street for a quick honeymoon. You can see a house and a picket fence. You can see Dean gently caressing your pregnant belly with that same something in his eyes. And in that moment, for the first time in six years, it occurs to you.

Was that something…love?

Read Reno - After here.

#fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #supernatural #spn #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #john winchester

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desertdollranch · 4 months ago

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Today began with a quiet stillness, as most do now that I am the lady of the house. I woke before the sun and led the animals to pasture. The lambs do enjoy chasing me as we walk. The air was cold, and the world was wrapped in a soft fog, making everything appear as though it were part of a dream. I pondered upon the day before, when we gathered in the meeting house, as we do each First Day. The silence was deep and comforting, and I felt the Light within me grow stronger as we sat together, waiting for the Spirit to move among us. There were no words spoken today, but that is often the case. We wait for the truth to be revealed in the stillness. But I saw Father speaking with Brother John after the meeting. They seemed troubled. I overheard them discussing the new laws that the King has sent, laws that might bring persecution to our people once more. It doth fill me with dread to think of it. We have heard stories of Friends in other towns being imprisoned or worse, simply for gathering in worship or refusing to swear oaths. I do not understand why they fear us so. We live quietly, and we seek only to follow the Light as best we can. Thus I knew it would be to-day that Father put upon me a new and burdensome task.

He brought me to the edge of the pasture, carrying his musket at his side. I knew not that he had such a weapon. It looked so big in his hands, and I could not imagine how I should be able to hold it steady. With solemn word and gesture he did show me how to tuck the musket tight against my shoulder so it wouldn’t kick too hard when I fired. The metal did feel cold and heavy, and I was trembling, but Father was calm and patient. When I was compelled to shoot, he stood behind me, guiding my hands. He told me to take a deep breath and to squeeze the trigger slowly, not to jerk it. My heart was pounding in my chest, but I did as he said and tried to keep my hands from shaking. The sound of the shot was so loud it rang in my ears, and the musket kicked back hard against my shoulder. I nearly cried out and would have dropped the gun in my fear, but Father was there, steadying me.

"Susanna, we shoot not to kill but to frighten," he did assure me, with a gentle manner, when he beheld my trembling hands. I spoke the words to myself again and again, and hid them deep in my heart. May they give me strength if the day should come that we are no longer safe here at our home. May that day never dawn. As the day ends, I am grateful for all that I have been given: the peace of our home and the love of my family. But there is a shadow in my heart, a fear of what the future might hold. I must trust in God’s plan, though it is not always easy. I will keep my faith and my heart open, and I will try to live in the Light, no matter what darkness may come.

Susanna

#susanna hanchett #historicaloc

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delicatelystrangepolice · 9 months ago

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I never thought that Simon's beliefs and Wille’s status were in that much contrast. At the very core of it, they weren’t that different. Both loyal to their families, both caring about people around them, both stubborn to have their positions taken into consideration.

I always thought they were a perfect conflict, but also not a forever conflict.

In the bigger picture, I always imagined them to be a perfect match, in fact. Two people coming from different backgrounds, learning different perspectives on life? Simon with his down to earth beliefs and Wille showing him that – um, yes, in fact, a prince can fall in love with you because you are not afraid to speak them?

Maybe I’m too romantic or hold too many socialistic beliefs myself, but I always imagined them this perfect thing to bring real change to the world. If they were in this together and if they both expanded their worldview (which is the point of meeting different people, to learn, to understand that whatever you hold as a belief may not be true to the entire universe)

People like to say that Simon would never be happy in the Royal Family, the way Wille was designed to live his life. I get it. To me personally, living in the public eye seems like a fucking nightmare. But I never saw Simon like someone who wouldn’t change his mind about that. He was young, bold, passionate and ambitious – why exactly having a Crown Prince as his partner would be such a nightmare? Yeah, he would have to compromise and he wouldn’t be able to express himself messily on social media, any way he liked. That’s… not a hill to die on, I don’t think. People have to compromise all the time. We all need to think and be considerate about things we say to people, how we express ourselves – and online space is especially relevant today. I think teenagers today understand that even better than the older generations.

In s3 there was an attempt to show that Simon was very politically opinionated. I think having a partner with a platform (as prestigious as the Crown Prince’s) would only be a better, more influential way to express those opinions in the future. I think that would be the perfect extension of Simon’s journey.

I understand that the creators chose a different route and wanted to show… what exactly? That teenagers are stressed when you put pressure on them? Do you really need 3 years and 18 episodes to say that? I don’t think it’s such a groundbreaking lesson to learn. I also really don’t need a lecture from a white millennial Swede on how institutions bad. I trusted Young Royals to show me a love story and I was very disappointed.

#I wanted to write this perfect thing about how I see this #then realized that... fuck I may never be able to #so have this mess #not me becoming very bitter by the end of it ahahaha #young royals

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askfucktoyfelix · 4 months ago

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helloooo. i never get as horny when i'm having sex as i can when i jerk off alone to a fantasy or porn or a story or anything. i would really like to. sex is fun and emotionally satisfying and makes me feel good about myself, but i think i'm missing a key part of it lol. any ideas what's going on?

Could be a number of things! I think this is more common that some people may realize. Sex is so hidden and stigmatized that sharing it with another person creates a lot of vulnerability. That vulnerability can connect people, but it can also be distracting because there's an element of self consciousness that's always just kinda THERE. When you're alone, it can feel like you can really let loose without any fear of judgement or pressure to perform. Another element can be the fantasies themselves. When you have sex, are you able to share these fantasies with your partner(s)? Do you feel safe enough to talk about them? Are your partner(s) enthusiastic about exploring these fantasies with you? I often find it difficult to find people who really *get* the way that I'm horny...so while sex is fun...I also enjoy the time I explore with myself because sometimes no one knows what I want better than me. The times I've found myself with people I felt totally at ease with... and who really GET my kinks are some of the best times in my life. There's nothing wrong with reaching for both sex and masturbation to meet different types of sexual needs....but it is fun when you can get them together. I'm not sure if fantasy compatibility can be taught. You can try but sometimes two people are just into different shit. You can't really force this type of connection in my experience. If youre not locked into a monogamous relationship, it helps to explore things with a number of people. Seek out communities that share your fantasies intentionally! Fetlife groups are the best places for this for me personally. You can work on desensitizing yourself to unconcious shame by being casually naked with someone, taking turns inspecting each other. Like hold their legs up and inspect them like a bug and vice versa!! Or...masturbate front of each other! Do it with the lights on, or maybe the problem is you need to start doing it with the lights off. (Everyone is different!) Just really get comfy with nudity and sexuality with each other, build that trust. Let them show you that they wont judge them for all the normal messy stuff that comes with having a body, and let them know you wont judge them either.

#sex positive #kink positive

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skzhocomments · 12 days ago

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The Pearls On Your Neck (Hyunjin // Lee Know x OC)- Part Three

General masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Part Two | Part Four (coming soon)

taglist: @ihrtlix

---

Part Three

chapter word count: ~12k words

Today is the day; although this should feel burden-free, I can’t help but feel bad about the whole ordeal. It’s honestly cruel that I have to go through this and what is even crueller is that I have to lie, the one thing I hate the most.

Being able to lie has always been a frailty of mine.

One of the reasons I hate it so much is because after the lies are told they are extremely hard to get out of and you end up feeling like you’re stuck in an hourglass, waiting for the truth to be found; moreover, if it's not found when the time is up, the hourglass is turned and you're stuck anticipating until the truth is unveiled. It may never be found, but you’ll never know until you're dead and you will always have that itch under your skin that cannot be scratched.

But if you’re found out, people will look at you strangely and hold feelings that can hurt because you’ve hurt them.

Trust.

Something intangible, but it’s real and that cannot be overlooked. It’s something so strong that cannot be touched; just felt. It’s a strong and beautiful emotion that is so closely related to love. Real love cannot happen without trust. Love, something powerful and transcendent. I can’t imagine it, loving and trusting someone so immensely that you lose your wits about you. That state of limerence, it's almost bewitching until the trust is broken - that's where love fails. Trust. Something that can be broken so easily but it's so hard to gain back, you might never gain it back.

I love my family as much as sometimes they may be insufferable, but I will always love them and breaking their trust is something I couldn’t ever live down. They have raised me to be a truthful and proud woman. Apparently in this matter, I’ve failed them without them knowing. I feel sly.

I shake off the bad feelings and feel a sense of Déjà Vu just like Thursday, the wild sickening feeling in my stomach swirling around in waves of nervousness and slight excitement. I close my eyes and take a deep breath hoping this feeling will pass soon.

I walk over to my vanity and gently tie my tresses in a loose braid that comes over my shoulder and ends just as it meets my breast. Doing makeup has always been a joy of mine, something that I fondly love doing, it gives me back that sense of control in my life and makes me feel put together. My mind trails back to two nights ago sitting here and taking my makeup off pretending to do a vlog for Hyunjin. Really, it’s a bit silly to be thinking back on that memory with such affection harboured, it’s absolutely ludicrous, but I will not elucidate this feeling nor will I play into it.

Yesterday Hyunjin and I messaged a little but nothing of significance.

My phone starts vibrating from beside my bed, so I rush over to it.

Boyfriend💋:

9:13 am: Morning love I hope you slept well x

9:28 am: What time do you want me to come over? x

9:31 am: Also, you forgot to send your address xx

Shit, did I really forget to send my address?

Pearl:

9:35 am: Yeah slept well. did you? I think dinner will be like 5:30ish. x

9:38 am: I’ll send you my address now. sorry I can’t believe I forgot x

Boyfriend💋:

9:38 am: Okay I’ll come at 5:15 then x

9:38 am: Oh and Pearl don’t apologise there’s nothing to be sorry for xx

Pearl:

9:39 am: Okay I’ll officially retract my apology aha x

Boyfriend💋?:

9:40 am: Good, you never have to apologise to me.

9:40 am: What flowers does your mother like? xxx

Pearl:

9:41 am: I’m not sure xx

Boyfriend💋:

9:41 am: Okay I’ll see you soon love <3

Pearl:

9:41 am: Yep :)

What does he want with my mum's favourite flowers?

I decide not to think about it too much and go downstairs to make something to eat.

Walking into the kitchen I find myself in a staring contest with my brother.

He straightens his back and narrows his eyes at me.

I sigh, what's this all about? “What, Seungmin?”

“Shouldn’t you be at the salon or something? You're going to have your hair like that for dinner?”

I scoff under my breath, cussing him out in my head, “Seungmin, are you serious?”

“Do I look unserious?” He spits out while crossing his arms over his chest, nearly knocking his spoon out of his cereal bowl.

“No, that's why I’m annoyed.” I huff pinching the bridge of my nose.

“I don’t see what there’s to be annoyed about.”

“Oh really? I’m not going to the salon, but no, for your information I’m also not going to wear my hair like this.” I chide.

Why does he have to be like this at 10 am? We used to get on so well before he found out I have a ‘boyfriend’. I can’t understand his behaviour or justify it. He’s normally understanding and cool, never faltering, he is the level-headed one out of the both of us; It’s like we’ve switched roles.

“Look Seungmin, I don’t know what your problem is and you definitely do not have a reason to be shitty with me, so if you're going to be like this just stay quiet so I can make my breakfast in peace,” I say, walking to the cupboard to get out some cereal.

“I just don’t understand Pearl, I thought we were close but you didn’t tell me about this new boyfriend.” he sighs in defeat, “Look, I'm your older brother and I just want you to know you can always tell me anything… no matter what, I just would have appreciated it, I just want to protect you.”

My stomach is churning. I’m lying to him but I have to, “Look, Seungmin, I’m sorry for not telling you, but you shouldn’t be wanting to protect me from Hyunjin, you should be protecting me from Minho.”

Liar.

“His name is Hyunjin?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, good to know”

“Yup.”

“How old is he?” Seungmin continues prying, making me curse inside my head.

“Uhm… he’s 23.” I say, pouring milk in a bowl and putting it in the microwave.

“Like me? Hmm… Hyunjin, 23. I see. You don’t happen to know which school he went to?”

“Seungmin, just ask him yourself tonight and stop bugging me.” I reply annoyed.

“Okay, okay.” He raises his arms in front of him, as if admitting defeat. “I’ll stop. But shouldn’t you be all squirming and excited to tell me all about your so-called boyfriend?”

“Who am I, Cynthia?” I roll my eyes annoyed, and I finally finish making my cereal and take it upstairs with me, unable to look Seungmin in the face.

Lying is so hard.

I throw myself on the bed, cereal bowl in my lap while absent mindedly scrolling through Netflix in search of a new show to watch. Experts advise against doing something else while eating, as you apparently become easily distracted, chew your food wrong and make your stomach stressed out as your brain is not actively focusing on digestion.

But even so, this is one bad habit I’m not willing to give up on, no matter what my nutritionist says. Cereal is the other bad habit he frowns upon. “Sugary nonsense”, he says, but I still love my daily bowl of Cheerios, and no one can take this pleasure away from me.

After a good 2 minutes of scrolling and not finding anything that sounds remotely interesting, I press on the “Play Something” randomizer button and see the Netflix logo pop up on the screen.

Business Proposal flashes on the screen, making me a bit curious. The cinematography looks good enough, it seems fun the way the editors combined elements from comics and put them in the video. The actors also seem pretty talented, so the show is enjoyable. After finishing half the episode, the irony of what is going on hits me like a truck. The main character goes on an arranged blind date instead of her friend, and keeps up with this fake relationship after finding out that the guy he went on a date with is actually the CEO of the company she works for.

No way.

A fake relationship…?

I frustratedly turn off the TV and notice my own reflection in the dark screen.

Pathetic. I think of myself, wondering how the hell I ended up hiring a fake boyfriend who is supposed to come in just a few hours and pretend in front of my family that he is, in fact, together with me, and has been for the past few months. Oh, and also that we love one another, so an engagement with Minho could never happen.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I ditch the now-empty cereal bowl on my desk and head over to the dresser, looking at the black satin dress Hyunjin picked for me to wear tonight. I am in awe seeing it, just as I was the first time I wore it and noticed how well it fit me. I then glance at my jewellery drawer and take out the small golden necklace - a match with Hyunjin’s - and put it on, and I do the same with the thin bangle bracelet adorned with small diamonds. I love his taste.

Before putting the dress on, I decide to do my make-up. Hyunjin will be here in about 4-5 hours, so I should start getting ready for real.

My make-up look is simple enough, as my father dislikes it when I wear too much eyeshadow, or a too bright lipstick. The point of this dinner is to please my father as much as possible, to show him that I only make good choices and to impress him enough to make him think that marrying Minho is not a good choice. That’s why I go for neutrals and nudes, doing a simple nude eyeshadow look, a small brown eyeliner line to compliment my eyes, some shimmer on my eyelids, then a bit of black mascara, and add a matte nude lipstick as the cherry on top.

I look really classy.

I decide to not complicate myself with an intricate hairstyle, so I simply let my hair fall down my shoulders and style it a bit so that it doesn’t look wild. My hair is pretty straight, just a bit wavy at the ends, and I feel it fits the dress I’m about to put on.

I glance at my phone and notice the time, and a new unopened message.

How the fuck is it already so late?! I curse in my head while opening the message and reading it in a hurry.

Boyfriend💋?:

4:49 pm: Hello beautiful, just wanted to let you know that I’m on my way and I’ll be there soon. I can’t wait to see you, my Pearl. <3

Pearl:

5:05 pm: Okay Jinnie, I’ll meet you downstairs with my parents. I’m so nervous.

I blush while quickly typing back, wanting to put on the dress as fast as possible. At this rate, he’ll get here in about 10 minutes, and I must absolutely be downstairs with my parents when that happens. Leaving him alone with my family is a bad idea.

I put on the dress fast and thank the Heavens for Hyunjin being inspired enough to choose something without a zip that I can easily dress myself in without assistance. Then, I put on the Yves Saint Laurent shoes and the matching black clutch he picked, and I’m ready to go downstairs.

As if on cue, Hyunjin arrives in a black, elegant Mercedes S-Class Uber as my family and I descend the front stairs and watch him get out of the car, two big flower bouquets in his hands.

What draws my attention is not the flowers, which are beautiful in their own right, nor the way his Yves Saint Laurent suit fits him so well, like it was made specifically for him to wear. No. What really makes him stand out is the way his hair fits his figure, the way it compliments the suit, and my dress, and how elegant it makes him look.

Black.

He dyed it black.

“Hello, Diamond.” He smiles while handing me a bouquet of white camellias, green leaves in between the flowers making them look delicate and contrasting the pure white colour of their petals.

Did he just call me Diamond?

I almost miss it, still shocked by how well black hair suits him, and completely impressed that he pulled this off. I know I’ve mentioned my dad is a bit conservative, but I wasn’t expecting him to listen too much and actually do… this.

He looks so good though.

When the shock finally wears off, I take a moment to admire the flowers he’s brought for my mother as well. Yellow tulips, daisies and purple bittersweet. Strange combination, I’ll have to ask him what they mean later. He must have a reason for choosing them.

“You must be Hyunjin. We heard a lot about you from our daughter.” My father shows a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and shakes Hyunjin’s hand in an intimidating manner.

“Yes, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He replies naturally.

“Oh my, Hyunjin, the pleasure is ours! Thank you so much for these beautiful flowers! This is such a nice bouquet, a really interesting choice.” My mom squirms with joy, very excited.

“I’m glad it’s to your taste.” Hyunjin smiles, and I once again notice how natural he is at human interactions. I’m feeling a bit jealous of how well he seems to be handling this situation, while I’m over here almost trembling from nerves.

“Hello. I’m glad you came.” I smile as well, trying to calm down and not show the distress on my face. Hyunjin takes my hand in his and bows, his lips gently grazing my knuckles.

“You have such a cute nickname for her!” My mother remarks. “What did you call her, Diamond? That’s so sweet, don’t you think so, dear?” She turns to my father, all smiles. At least Hyunjin managed to make her fall in love with him this easily. Dad will be a different story, though. Especially with how fixated he is on Minho - or rather, his parents’ business.

“Eh, it’s alright.” My father shrugs, the fake smile still painted on his face.

“Why so displeased?” She nudges his elbow and frowns.

“Don’t worry about it.” Hyunjin starts and waves his right hand nonchalantly, as if to divert attention from the uncomfortable situation and from my father’s inhospitality. “The nickname doesn’t even begin to describe half the value Pearl holds for me, nor does it do her any justice. She’s more precious than any jewel, of course.”

My mother squirms again and starts ushering us in.

When she and my dad start leading the way, Hyunjin grabs my free hand gently and whispers in my ear: “Regarding your last message, don’t be. It will all be okay, beautiful.” He holds my hand tighter for a brief second, before letting it go, so as to not be impolite in front of my parents.

My nerves seem to calm down for a bit, hearing his reassurance.

We all sit down at the dinner table, my dad in his usual spot, which is at the head of the table. He invites Hyunjin to sit on his right side, next to him, and I sit down to Hyunjin’s right. My mom is in front of me; the seat between her and my father stays empty.

Seungmin is nowhere to be seen, so I ask about his whereabouts, finding it curious that he would miss his chance to meet my boyfriend.

“Oh, don’t worry dear, he’ll be here any second now.” My mother reassures me.

I give a weak nod while playing with my fingers picking and pushing back my cuticles with my nails. Waiting for Seungmin is like torture; I don’t know how long he’s going to take nor do I know if he will be rude again like earlier…

The table is set beautifully like always, with large royal blue china plates accompanied by smaller ones while the silver cutlery settled on top and a royal blue linen napkin underneath, and my mother exchanges the slightly withered red roses in the vase at the centre of the table from my father with the fresh flowers Hyunjin has brought.

It sparks pride in me and I feel my heart swelling, seeing her do that.

She is very picky when it comes to what flowers she will have on display. I remember once for Mother's Day I had brought her some white iris and blue hydrangeas. Shortly put, she placed them in her bedroom and said that they were not worth the show. I'll never know what was wrong with her that day nor will I ever know what was wrong with the flowers. She said something about the colour of the hydrangeas being wrong for the day it was but I couldn’t care less about the colour - my feelings were hurt.

Maybe Hyunjin isn’t right - I'm not a diamond - I’m like a lump of coal, steadily being crushed by everything around me and all the little events that have led up to this. The problem is I don’t know if I'll become a diamond… or dust.

Hyunjin places his warm hand in mine, preventing me from thinking because all I can do is think about how to intercept this blush from creeping up my neck as I lift my head to face him. He gives me a smile that seems almost like camaraderie.

But now I’ve realised his hand was not for my comfort but instead his own; as he tenses at the shoulders and jaw clenching slightly at the sight of my brother, and coincidentally, Seungmin has the exact same reaction.

Seungmin’s stride stops as he sees Hyunjin and his voluminous lips turn into a tight line as he looks between us.

I wonder what is going on between the both of them.

But I also realise that Seungmin needs to approve of Hyunjin so I have a better chance of my dad approving of Hyunjin’s and my ‘relationship’. I feel the guilt all over again. Eating away at me. I’m doing the appropriate thing for both Minho and myself. I know that. The both of us could never stay together and be happy, not truly, unless it was of our own volition- which it certainly isn’t – I would never choose to be with Minho and he would never choose to be with me either.

Minho and I couldn’t ever get along, he is too arrogant and he has a tongue like glass that cuts away at me every time we speak, shattering my glass house and chipping away at my patience.

“Seungmin, are you not going to sit?” My father's voice cuts right through my thoughts. My body jolts, startled and I face Hyunjin again as Seungmin sits.

I must have truly been lost in my thoughts to not notice Seungmin standing still, “Hyun? You okay?” I whisper so only he can hear it.

He squeezes my hand gently offering an action instead of words, I don’t mind much though.

“Seungmin, this is my boyfriend Hyunjin,” I say cautiously, not wanting to screw this introduction up as they both had already tensed up at the first glance. Maybe it’s just Seungmin being protective.

Seungmin is lounging in his chair in one of the most disrespectful manners I’ve ever seen him show, arms folded, looking delightfully smug, “I know.”

I'm shocked at first but realisation sinks in, “Ah yes, sorry. I told you his name this morning.”

Seungmin hums but it sounds uncertain, as he moves his eyes to Hyunjin almost looking like he’s gone into tunnel vision, “Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin sits up straighter, pushing back his now-black hair with his free hand.

God, he’s stunning.

“Yes?” he says so gently I swear I can feel my heart breaking for him, I’d shatter if I were put under the microscope like this.

Seungmin’s smug disposition doesn’t falter much like Hyunjin's grip on my hand, “You're Pearl's boyfriend?”

“Seungmin!” I warn.

“Pearl, calm down.” My mother chides me slightly, “Let the men speak.”

Hyunjin swallows thickly and I can hear it, “Yes, I’m your sister's boyfriend.” He confirms.

Seungmin leans onto the table with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “You know she’s supposed to be getting married… and it’s not to you?”

Seungmin is being cruel and I’ve never seen this side of him. It doesn't suit him at all.

I’m so close to recklessly abandoning this dinner, getting up and dragging Hyunjin out with me. Tremors try to knock my bones fiercely. Nerves are attempting to get the better of me, I have never felt more vulnerable, I feel naked. Trying to fight for my future and my brother is wrecking every chance I have to be free right now for some unknown reason.

Hyunjin’s finger taps my hand and only then do I realise how tightly I have been gripping it, I look down and release his hand seeing the white imprints from my finger's tight grip slowly turning back to the original colour of caramel.

Hyunjin’s face remains unchanged, handsome, youthful, as hard as diamonds, - he is the real diamond out of us - is as handsome as it is terrifying. In fact, just now I swear I saw a twitch pull at the corner of his lip, “Yes, I know this. I am hoping to get the approval of you all by coming here.” He speaks poised and collected, unfazed. He is like a poisonous flower - stunning, courageous and deadly. This, I realise as he speaks with so much confidence it's exuding from him almost; how can he be like this?

“You’re my age, right?” Seungmin states even though I have told him this before.

Hyunjin smiles at Seungmin for the first time all night; it’s not even been long yet it feels like I’ve been sitting here for hours, “Yes, I’m 23,” Hyunjin answers Seungmins prodding nonchalantly.

Seungmin puffs and opens his mouth to which my father stops him by dropping a question that no one could have prepared for, “Do you want kids?”

I nearly die right there and I wish I would, I’m going to make a mental note to never bring a boyfriend home unless I want another near-death experience, my mouth is hanging at the brazen question. Is this what fathers normally ask when first meeting their daughter's boyfriend?

Hyunjin’s face is still unchanged but he reaches for my hand and grips it tightly yet it doesn’t hurt, it’s gentle just like him, “Yes, at some point.”

“And you’d like them with Pearl? Are you not wanting to get married before?” My father continues, face stone cold, and I wish I could walk out right now.

The hand clutched around mine moves slightly; Hyunjin’s thumb rubs small circles on my hand sending goosebumps all over my body and I don’t even feel cold, I feel burning hot from this whole embarrassing act my brother and father are putting on - trying to act like alpha males - It’s infuriating just as much as it is humiliating, “Marriage would come first and a mortgage for a house, then yes, I would like to live that type of life with your beautiful daughter.” Hyunjin replies, turning to look at me endearingly, “Isn’t that right, love?”

My heart is pounding way too loudly and my stomach is doing flips. Also, I'm a hundred percent sure I’ve turned a deep shade of crimson, “Yes, of course, Jinnie!” I say smiling back at Hyunjin trying to look starstruck, dumb with love and hoping my voice didn’t falter.

I look around the table, my mother looks absolutely smitten with joy, her eyes are tepid pools inviting as ever - an extreme contrast to how I thought she would react - Seungmin looks horrified like he’s seen a ghost, face pale yet the tips of his ears a burning brightly and my father… just looks unamused.

There is a silence that is shared, slightly too long, slightly unnerving and full of unsaid emotions and tensions that couldn’t be cut with a knife even if they were tangible.

I think my mother understood my wide shifting eyes for once and she lets out a sigh, following it with an awkward chuckle, “So, how did you two meet?”

Fuck, we didn’t go over this well.

I feel like a deer in headlights. I definitely look like one too, I don’t know if I should speak first or not. Will Hyunjin take the wheel or will I have to?

“Uhm…” I start nervously. “We were-”

“One of my best friends works at a Café near Pearl’s University.” Hyunjin smiles assuringly, reminding me of this one detail I seemed to forget. I once again can’t believe how good he is under pressure. Seeing my family’s piercing gaze, I froze on the spot, but Hyunjin doesn’t seem to have any issues whatsoever in keeping the conversation flow naturally.

“Ah, yes. His name is Felix.” I intervene, trying to add as much detail as possible.

But liars tend to add one too many details, eager to convince you that they are speaking the truth.

I just shut up.

“My friend forgot something one time and asked me to bring it to him at work, and that’s how I ran into Pearl.” Hyunjin continues.

“That’s so sweet!” My mother exclaims.

“Indeed. It was love at first sight. Cynthia ditched her to meet up with Seungmin, she told me later, so we sat down at a small table and talked and talked until our drinks got cold.” Hyunjin looked at me and smiled brightly. Part of what he said was true, we did talk until our drinks got cold. I could still remember the stale taste my tea had when we met at Harrod’s Café two days ago.

“So, what’s your educational background, then?” Seungmin intervenes and leans with his elbows on the table, his head supported by his hands. I’ve never seen him act like this and I’m completely baffled. “Which University did you go to? At 23 you must be over with it, or almost over, right?”

Hyunjin fakes a polite smile and answers truthfully.

“I haven’t been to University, as I had to start working early due to some personal issues. I do plan on going in the future, though.”

Personal issues? What could that mean? I analyse his words in my head, curiosity getting the better of me. I want to ask him. I want to know everything about him. But this is not the time, nor the right place, so I keep my head down and listen to the conversation, pretending I knew.

“Her fiancé is getting his second degree right now.” Seungmin points out, and I can’t bite my tongue anymore.

“He’s not my fiancé, Seungmin. What is wrong with you?” I frown, annoyed.

“Pearl, don’t be disrespectful to your older brother.” My dad berates me, making me even more furious.

Hyunjin’s grip on my hand tightens.

“I know that I am lacking in this regard, and I understand your brother’s concerns.” He starts speaking, before getting interrupted by Seungmin.

“I’m glad you do. You see, Pearl is used to a certain lifestyle that I doubt you’d be able to provide.” my brother smiles smugly, seemingly proud of himself that he is actively ruining my life. I throw him a death stare, but he doesn’t look at me.

“However,” Hyunjin resumes his previous statement from before he was rudely cut off. “What I care about the most is Pearl’s happiness, and I will do everything in my power to make her happy, and I will love her unconditionally.”

“However,” Seungmin speaks again, crossing his arms, a dumb smirk on his face. “Love doesn’t still your hunger, does it?”

“Okay boys, let’s stop the bickering and eat. Sorry about him, Hyunjin, he is just on edge since you’re the first boyfriend Pearl has ever brought home.” My mom tries to bridge the gap between the two, and my dad stays silent, observing Hyunjin’s mannerisms at the table.

Our servers bring over plates of Wagyu beef with fresh asparagus on the side. Hyunjin seems to have his etiquette on point, as he skillfully cuts through the middle of the steak, observing the colour inside.

“Wow, this is the most perfect Medium Rare I’ve ever seen.” He compliments, and my dad nods in approval.

“The best way to cook such a high-quality steak.” He replies and does the same, cutting the beef in the middle and observing it carefully as well.

Hyunjin continues with cutting another piece of the steak and eating it, and I am glad he didn’t just cut the whole piece at once - something my dad absolutely hates. He doesn’t fail to notice it either, so, satisfied with Hyunjin’s table manners, he orders the server to bring us a red Chateau Lafite Rothschild, and I get excited, noting that this is one of his favourite wines, the bottle itself pricing up to about £5000.

This must mean he likes Hyunjin, right? I think unsure, not seeing any change on my father’s face. He was never an expressive person, though.

“1959.” He says, pouring the wine in Hyunjin’s glass himself, shocking thing for both me and Seungmin, who watch astonished as the red liquid flows. “A wine as old as I am.” He jokes, and Hyunjin chuckles. “Let me know if you like it.”

Just as skillful as before when cutting the steak, Hyunjin raises his glass by the stem and gives it a swirl, putting his nose close to the glass and breathing in gently.

“The aroma is extremely rich and elegant.” He compliments, then raises his glass and holds a small toast. “To Pearl’s happiness.” he says, clinking his glass bell to bell with my father and looking him in the eyes. He then takes a small sip, and glancing at his side profile I can’t help but think that he behaves like a prince.

I’m now even more curious about his upbringing, and I hate the fact that I have to bite my tongue and not say anything, that we aren’t alone so I can ask him questions to my heart’s content. This desperate feeling of wanting to know everything about him flushes over me again, and I don’t like it at all.

I’ve never felt like this before.

The meal is soon over and my family and I are escorting Hyunjin outside. My parents shake hands with him, my mum whipped, and my father pretty much indifferent, although I assume he likes him at least a bit for him to open a new wine bottle. They excuse themselves and don’t wait for Hyunjin’s cab to arrive, so only Seungmin, him and I are left standing in front of our artisanal fountain.

Hyunjin’s car arrives, and I’m mad that I didn’t get a chance to discuss anything about tonight with him; to assure him, somehow, or to have him assure me that the dinner went well. I throw daggers Seungmin’s way, but as he acted all night, he doesn’t mind my presence, focusing instead on Hyunjin.

“Just so you know,” Seungmin starts speaking, stretching his right hand out to shake Hyunjin’s hand. “I don’t agree with you dating Pearl. I don’t accept you in any way, nor will I ever accept you, so you’d better break up and let her get married to someone who actually deserves her.”

He spat all of this out with a bright smile on his face while shaking Hyunjin’s hand, who had his lips in a straight line listening to my brother’s nonsense.

“Seungmin,” he replies. “You’re still the same as ever.” Hyunjin smiles as well, confusing me.

Does this mean they met before?

Just as I want to inquire further, the Uber pulls over and Hyunjin bows down to kiss my knuckles once more, before getting into the car and leaving.

“What the fuck was that, Seungmin?” I face my brother angrily.

“What? I just told him the truth. He doesn’t deserve you, so you don’t have my approval to date him.”

“Since when did I need your approval, hm? I can date whoever I want, you prick!” I lose my composure and shout at him, before storming into the house. My parents were waiting for me to come inside, and my mum started speaking as soon as she saw me.

“Pearl, dear, he seems like a great guy…” she smiles.

“But,” my father cuts her off. “I told you before. The man you’re dating has to be a man. This Hyunjin boy you’re seeing… I’m sorry, darling, but Lee Minho is three levels over him. Seungmin was right. Minho is working hard, getting his second degree. He already manages most of his father’s affairs and knows his way around their business. He is the obvious choice, and you will start dating him and eventually get married. At this point, you should be grateful he even wants to get engaged to you, with how… talentless you are.”

I freeze in my spot, not wanting to believe that my dad’s opinion on me is so low, that even he sees me as a spoilt, arrogant, foolish girl, with no qualities of her own. My mother of course starts scolding him for saying that, but I don’t hear her anymore. I just mutter a half-mouthed “I won’t stop dating Hyunjin, no matter what you say.” and turn around, hurrying up the stairs.

I feel more pathetic than ever. Like a kid who got scolded for not eating their vegetables at the dinner table.

And I am annoyed. I am so royally pissed off at everyone right now. Seungmin, especially, for putting us on the spot like that, and my father for not wanting to understand that I don’t want to marry Minho.

Hyunjin was perfect tonight. He didn’t do anything wrong, and couldn’t have done or said anything better. Why doesn’t my father approve of him after all this effort?!

Fuck.

I enter my room and lean against the door, making myself fall down. My heels scratch the fIoor, but I couldn’t care less about that right now. I start panting uncontrollably. The tears follow soon after, and I find myself unable to stop crying.

It’s so unfair.

I then hear the clicking sound of my phone, announcing to me that I just received a message.

Boyfriend💋?:

8:17 pm: My lovely Diamond, I’m sorry for tonight. I get the feeling that it didn’t go as well as you hoped, but I promise I will do better next time.

I know I am not good enough for you, and that I am lacking in many aspects. Your brother was right, I wouldn’t be able to offer you that lifestyle. Not now, anyway.

Please forgive me and don’t be too upset.

Why is he the one apologising? He didn’t do anything wrong.

The fact that he’s my fake boyfriend completely passes over my head and I start typing a reply.

Pearl:

Jinnie, you were perfect tonight. I am the one who wants to apologise. My family treated you horribly. I’m truly sorry.

Not even 10 seconds after I sent the message, my phone starts vibrating, and I notice an

incoming call from Hyunjin.

Why is he calling me now?

I am a mess, and as much as I try to regulate my breathing, it’s so painfully obvious that I’ve been crying.

Even so, I bite my bottom lip and answer, placing the phone against my ear.

“Hyunjin?”

“Yes?” He says in a hushed tone, making me feel like listening to asmr.

“You called? Sorry it’s just… I didn’t expect you to.”

“I just… you don’t have to apologise to me. Ever.”

But I do.

“Hyun.”

“Yes, love?”

“Don’t apologise to me then,” I say stubbornly.

And you have nothing to be sorry for, I add silently.

“Are you trying to be stubborn?” He says, amusement laced in his voice.

“It’s cute.”

A blush fishes across my face and I thank the gods that he can’t see me, “Anyway, should we talk about what we do next?” I manage to get out.

“Yes, wait one second.” He says as if in a hurry before I could hear shuffling. “Right, I’m back.”

I let out a giggle and wonder what is wrong with me.

“Where did you go?”

“I got my… diary?” he sounds unsure.

“Okay, so what are you using your diary for?”

“Tell me things you like, beautiful.”

“Things I like?”

“Yup”

“Well I don’t really know… I like fishing but I’ve already said that. I like art but don’t know where to start. Oh! I like the beach!”

“What else?”

He wants me to continue? I don’t even know what I like.

“Hmm... I like books and animals. Board games! I love them! But wait, why are you asking?”

“No reason, I just want to know more about you.”

I hum, not sure why he wants to know these things that don't matter, but I’ll entertain it.

“What about you, Jinnie? What do you like? Besides music, flowers, crystals, odd shops and art, of course.” I chuckle a bit, remembering his speech at Harrod’s the other day.

“I can’t believe you remembered that.” He chuckles as well, bringing a smile to my lips. I didn’t even notice that the tears stopped falling.

“Of course I remembered.” I smile, my cheeks red.

“You’re sweet. Okay, uhmmm. I like drinking coffee, I guess? Americano is my favourite.”

“It’s so bitter though!” I grimace.

“Shut up, it’s not!” He laughs brightly. Talking with him feels so natural, and I feel my chest tightening.

“Okay, okay, what else?” I ask excitedly.

“I like playing with kids. They are fun.”

“Really? Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed.” I reply, shocked.

“What about you, Diamond? Do you like kids?” He asks, and I hear a tint of… something in his voice. Hope, perhaps? I don’t know why I get this impression, but he does seem kind of hopeful.

“I mean, I think I do? I haven’t really interacted much with children, to be honest, but they are super cute.”

“That’s good to hear!” He exclaims happily.

“Really, how so?” I question.

“Well, the thing is-”

“Shit! Hyunjin, sorry! I’ve got to go. Cynthia is calling me. I’ll call you back?”

“Yeah that’s fine but um… maybe we can talk tomorrow? I’ve got to help Felix clean the apartment, but I’ll message you!”

“Okay, speak to you later!”

I ended the phone and quickly switched calls to see Cynthia’s face.

“What have you done?!” She snaps.

“What do you mean?” I say, defending myself quickly.

“Seungmin’s just called me and has been ranting forever! I’ve got an ear ache!”

I laugh at her whining but quickly stop myself when catching onto the actual reasoning for the call. “Seungmin is a cunt.” I say plainly.

“What?”

“I said Seungmin is a cunt ! I hate him so much! He’s ruined everything and he was so rude to Hyunjin-”

“Pearl! Seungmin says he knows Hyunjin… They went to school together or something, but either way, I don’t think they got on.”

“Oh,” I didn’t know that, “but still he has no reason to be such a twat! Doesn’t he know this is my future, my life?! All he wants is for me to be with Minho. No. I won’t. I’ll dig below hell before that happens!”

“Pearl, don’t you think there might be a reason why Seungmin doesn’t like Hyunjin?”

“You were so supportive before this, what's changed? And no, even if there is a reason, it doesn’t matter! Hyunjin is my boyfriend-”

“Fake boyfriend.” she’s quick to cut me off.

“Yes, fake boyfriend. Jesus, I've been acting for so long. But no, anyway it doesn’t matter. Seungmin is an adult. He should put his past aside for me for my future instead of acting like a silly little boy!”

“I get what you mean, but he is thinking about your future. And don’t get so worked up. Hyunjin is not your real boyfriend-”

“Don’t tell me you fucking told Seungmin that too.”

“Of course I didn’t! But seriously Pearl, there must be something extremely wrong for Seungmin to act that way.”

“No, I don’t even wanna hear it Cynthia. He’s acted like an asshole, and he’s trying to force this marriage with Minho on me, just like my parents. I thought you would understand, at least.”

Cynthia doesn’t say anything, neither do I. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown at this point, Seungmin has been so selfish but he seems to be blind to his own flaws and I can’t stand it.

I take in a long deep breath trying to contain my anger, it’s not fair on Cynthia, “Look… Cynth, he could have been more understanding, when I found out about you two I wasn’t particularly over the moon. But I didn’t stop either of you because I love you both and if you make each other happy I was fine with that, I can remember the nights I’d think about it. I was so worried about if you two had a fight and broke up. I was worried I’d have to pick a side. Still am. But I know that I won’t pick a side now, and you’ll both have to deal with it.”

“I love you, Pearl.”

“I love you too, can you try speaking to Seungmin? Like… can you see how selfish he is being?”

“Yeah, I’ll speak to him.”

A knock at the door stops me before I could speak, “Cynthia I’ve got to go, thank you for everything, love ya.”

I end the phone quickly and walk to open the door to see my dad standing there, “Yes?”

“Can I come in?”

What does he even want? “Yes”

I walk back to my bed and sit down, looking at him expectantly.

He shifts on his feet, but still manages to look cold as ever, “Darling, I’ve got something for you.” He says and takes his arms from behind his back.

I watch as an orange bag comes into sight, Hermes written on it. I almost scoff, “What's this for?”

“Well, I know you’re upset about Hyunjin. I think this will make you feel better,” He says calmly, walking over to my bed and sitting next to me.

The realisation dawns on me, and a huge wave of anger and betrayal washes over me, vigorously running through my veins. I let out a laugh in disbelief, “You never were going to approve of Hyunjin, were you?”

He says nothing.

“You bought this before the dinner because you knew. Did mum know?”

“No, your mother didn’t know anything.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” He asks.

I look at my father's cold face trying to analyse it, trying to find a hint of anything, but I catch something.

Guilt.

“Why did you get me this bag? Why didn’t you approve of Hyunjin?”

“This bag is going to make you feel better darling, you know I can’t approve of Hyunjin. He’s not right for you.”

I stand up, I feel the room getting smaller and smaller. This is the second time my father has insulted me. He really thinks I’m that shallow. He thinks a fancy handbag will make me feel better. He thinks it will make me feel fine about my future happiness being robbed right before my eyes.

No.

This is not who I am.

He doesn’t even know me.

My breath is staggering as I come to the realisation, “No!”

My father's face turns complex, “No?” His tone is unfaltering.

I shake my head and let out an almost delirious laugh, “No. You carry all of your guilt in these… these designer bags that you buy me, I’m not that shallow! Dad, do you even know me?” I question. I feel the longing in my heart. I want to be seen by him, I want his approval, but I want him to approve me for me.

“Come on darling, of course I know you.”

“No, you don’t! You don’t listen to me, you don’t care about my happiness. Dad, don't you see how unfair this is?”

He stands abruptly, letting out a sigh, “I will not talk to you when you are like this, you need to understand what is good for the company. How can you be so selfish? Do you not care about the family?”

“I’m not being selfish-”

“You are spoilt rotten! I will not allow this disobedience!” He cuts me off with that final statement and walks out of the door.

There's something I’ve learnt today, no one but yourself will ever care about your happiness, humans are selfish.

Blessed Sunday!

I think ironically while opening my eyes and glancing at the clock. 11:46 AM.

Last night I fell asleep really late, upset about the events that took place, angry at Seungmin and my father and with a weird feeling inside my chest when thinking of Hyunjin.

I get up and look at my reflection in the mirror, noticing the puffy eyes from all the crying. I have a splitting headache, my hair’s a mess and I feel like shit.

I open my door and go downstairs to the kitchen, on a mission to grab two silver spoons and place them on my eyes. Hopefully the puffiness is gonna go away.

Unfortunately for me, dad is at the kitchen table reading a newspaper.

Great.

My mom is also making herself busy by brewing coffee. Seungmin is not here, thank God.

“Hey sweetie, slept well?” My mother smiles brightly. “Want some coffee?”

“No thanks.” I reply shortly, opening the cutlery drawer.

“Something to eat?” my mum asks.

“Nope.”

“What about-”

“God! Can you stop talking already? I told you I don’t want anything!” I burst out, regretting it shortly after as my dad raises his eyes from the newspaper.

“Don’t talk to your mother like that, Pearl.” he says sternly, making me once again feel like a kid.

Is he really that unaffected about yesterday?

“I’m sorry mum, I just have a headache.”

“Hopefully you’re not sick,” dad starts, “as you have plans tonight.”

“I do?” I ask, unaware of what nonsense he was spewing.

“Yes. Dinner with Minho, he’s sending a driver to get you at 6. Wear something nice, and do something about that hair, will you?” he starts reading the newspaper again, and I sigh defeated.

“Dear-” my mom tries to touch my shoulder, noticing my dejected expression, but I just smack her hand away and leave, without even grabbing the spoons.

Seungmin is coming down the stairs just as I’m making my way up, and he greets me happily, as if he wasn’t the biggest asshole in history at the dinner.

“Hey Pearlie!”

I ignore him.

“Did you sleep well?” He tries to talk to me again.

God, why the fuck is everyone asking me this today?

I’m so annoyed.

“Shut the fuck up, Seungmin.”

“Wow, what’s with that attitude?” He frowns. “Look, I really wanted to-”

“I’m apparently going on a date with Minho tonight, so I hope you’re fucking happy.” I reply matter of factly interrupting him and I continue walking, ignoring whatever else he wanted to say next.

I drop onto my bed and watch as dust particles rise up in the air, and I start feeling around, trying to find my phone.

Cynthia❣️ 15 unread messages

Fuck no, I’m not in the mood for spam right now.

Dog Lover 🐶: 1 unread message

Not in the mood for my idiot brother either. Still, I click on it to see what he wants.

Dog Lover 🐶

10:23 AM: Hey, can we talk?

Well, that ship has already sailed.

I close his message and notice one more notification.

Boyfriend💋?: 5 unread messages

Huh?

I eagerly open the chat to read what he sent me, quite shocked to basically wake up to messages from him.

Boyfriend💋?:

09:53: Hello beautiful, slept well?

I didn’t get that much sleep to be honest, but I had to wake up and help Felix.

Wish I slept until later~

10:58: You must still be sleeping, haha. Cute.

Me:

12:02: Morning~

Sorry for not replying earlier, I just woke up ~15 mins ago. Istg, you’re the 3rd person who asked me if I slept well. You’re lucky I like you.

I press send without re-reading, which I quickly regret.

You’re lucky I like you.

AM I FUCKING DUMB??? HOW COULD I SAY THAT?!?!?

Boyfriend💋?:

12:03: Thanks love. I like you a lot too.

Look at this mess:

Felix apparently threw a party while I was at your place yesterday.

We barely finished the kitchen, and now gotta clean… this.

Me:

12:05: No way!

He’s at that age. 🤭🤭🤭

Boyfriend💋?:

12:06: Indeed 😂

Me:

12:06: Ok Jinnie, I’m gonna let you clean in peace.

But first

How much should I pay you for yesterday?

Boyfriend💋?:

12:07: ?

Me:

12:07: You know, for the dinner… oh, and the flowers, they must’ve been expensive.

Let me know how much money.

Boyfriend💋?:

12:08: I don’t know what you’re talking about?

What money?

Anyways, Felix is shouting at me so I’m gonna go.

Ttyl?

😘

Me:

12:09: Uhm… you know… for the date?

Okay, sure! Good luck! 👐

Why does he keep avoiding answering every question about the fake dating thing?

I sigh and open my banking app, adding in his details.

Is this enough…? I question while sending 1000$.

Oh well, he’ll tell me if I should send more.

The hours up to the date with Minho pass down relatively quickly. I don’t care that much about what I’ll wear tonight, since I don’t give two shits about impressing him in any way, so I just grab a random black blazer dress with golden buttons adorning the front side the bottom fans out like a pleated skirt but it cinches in at the waist sporting padded shoulders, overall it gives me the illusion of a tiny waist, cute! I make sure to put a black square neck tank top as the cut is low and wouldn’t show my bust, not to Minho at least. I wear a comfortable pair of black Dr. Martens derby style shoes and don’t bother too much with accessorising myself, or wearing too much make-up.

Just as my dad said, when 6 PM hits the clock, a driver sent by Minho arrives in front of my house to pick me up.

I am supposed to meet him at this Sky Rooftop Restaurant that only elites eat at, supposedly. I haven’t gotten the chance to go there yet, so I don’t know what to expect.

When we arrive, a valet comes to greet me at the car and guides me until the last floor of the skyscraper the restaurant is located in, which is the 50th.

When the elevator doors open and we enter the restaurant, I am mesmerised by how beautiful every detail is. Around the maroon wood tables are large square flower pots with greenery, and on the ceiling star-like projections are shown, the whole place looking magical.

Oh, and the restaurant is huge.

I notice Minho sitting leisurely at one of the tables in the corner, and I notice something weird as well: all the tables are empty, and besides me, him and the valet, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else here.

This can only mean one thing: Minho rented out this whole place… just for the two of us.

The thought of how expensive this must’ve been crosses my head, but it disappears just as quickly as it came, as the valet guides me to the table and Minho stands up to greet me.

“Hey.” He says looking at me from head to toe with his cold piercing eyes.

“Hey.” I reply back just as coldly, and I barely contain myself from removing my hand from his, as he bows down to kiss it politely.

That’s so unlike you. I think, but I don’t say it.

After he’s down kissing my hand, I look at his outfit and curse a bit in my head, for we somehow match clothes again. He is not dressed too formal either, a pair of blue jeans and a black blazer jacket with a white button up underneath. But his jacket has fucking golden buttons on it, looking strikingly similar to my dress.

Minho shows me to the deluxe leather chair in front of his seat and helps me sit down, then returns to his former position.

“How was your date yesterday?” Minho smirks, pressing all my buttons. It’s always like this with him, he says the most annoying things in the shortest amount of time as possible, making me hate that stupid mouth of his.

“It was great. My dad loves my boyfriend.” I reply, trying to sound confident.

“Right.” He chuckles. “Then why are you here?”

“I don’t know, Minho? Why am I here? Why do you want to get married to me so badly?” I spit.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Pearl. This has nothing to do with what I want. It’s just a logical choice for my business.”

“Your business?” I laugh.

“Yes, mine. I’ve been running it for almost 3 years now in my dad’s place, so of course it’s mine. You wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

“Oh, wouldn’t I, now? Why?”

“Because you are… the way that you are.” He says, looking at me blankly, as if he said the most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re just like my father. Thinking you know so much about me. Well, you don’t know shit, Minho. Whatever, let’s just order.”

I open up the menu and don’t even read what’s written. I just look at the prices and pick the most expensive things. If he’s going to try and hurt my heart, I’m going to hurt his wallet.

It doesn’t matter what I’ll order, anyway. I don’t have an appetite, so the food will stay untouched on the plate.

Oop, 24k gold-coated steak, sounds interesting. 30000$, noted.

Diamond is Forever cocktail? Fun, 22,600$, and you get to keep the diamond. Why not?

Ohohoho, this desert though! Frrrozen Haute Chocolate! 25.000$. Just perfect.

As I give the waiter my order, I laugh in my head, a bit in disbelief that I managed to rack up an almost 80.000$ meal with just three items. As the waiter listens to what I say, he gives Minho an unsure glance, but Minho doesn’t look upset at all. No, on the contrary. Seeing my mischievous smile, he looks amused and just nods, ordering the same things for himself.

Even worse, he tells the waiter that we forgot to order entrees, so he tells him we want two Grand Velas Tacos, which happen to be the most expensive entree in this restaurant, 25k a piece.

With this order, both of us go way over 200k for the whole meal.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

It’s like we’re having a contest, and he wants to prove to me that he’s winning no matter what.

As the entrees come, I see my phone’s screen lighting up on the table. I pick it up without thinking twice, and see a message from Hyunjin.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:46: Finally done cleaning! Pfiu, that was something!

What are you doing?

Me:

18:46: Jinnie! Wow, it took you so long, hahah, you must be exhausted.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:47: It was! I’m so tired. 😩😩😩

Me:

18:47: Felix gave you a lot of work today, hahah 🤣🤣

“Who got you smiling like that?” Minho’s words make me glance away from my phone and realise that I’ve really been grinning like an idiot. “Your boyfriend?” He continues, raising an eyebrow.

“So what if it is?”

“Woah! The audacity you have, ordering a 100k meal and not even paying attention to me.” He scoffs and applauds mockingly.

“I mean, what did you expect? I’m here unwillingly.” I shrug, then I notice my phone lighting up again, and I unlock it to check what Hyunjin said.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:48: He did. So anyways, what’re you up to?

Me:

18:48: Not much, my dad forced me to go to this stupid restaurant with Minho.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:48: Oh. Is it like a date?

Me:

18:49: Unfortunately.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:50: Oh

“Pearl, put the phone down and eat, will you?” Minho frowns.

“Acting like my dad again?” I mock him, turning my eyes once more to the phone.

Boyfriend💋?:

18:51: I also have work today, but I don’t really want to go either. 🙂

Work? I frown. Does he have to go on a fake date?

But-

“I’m serious.” Minho says again, more sternly than before. Before having a chance to complain, he leans over the table and grabs the phone out of my hands, putting it face down on the table.

“Don’t do shit like that!” I spit out, annoyed, reaching out to the table to grab my phone back. Who does he think he is?

“If you don’t want me to do shit like that, don’t waste my fucking time and money, princess.” He scoffs again, reaching out after the phone at the same time as me.

“Stop being so fucking controlling and jealous!”

Both of us get hold of it and pull it towards us as hard as we can.

“Minho, let it go. It’s my phone. You don’t get to forbid me to use it.”

“Oh yeah? Fine!” His voice gets louder, and he suddenly lets go of the phone. Not expecting it, I also let go of it, and it basically flies a few metres away from our table. “And I’m not controlling, nor jealous.”

Minho just sits there with his arms crossed, not even looking at me, as I get up to recover my phone from the marble floor. When I pick it up, I notice that the screen is broken and the phone won’t turn on.

“You fucking broke it!” I shout, annoyed.

Minho doesn’t say anything.

How dare he disrespect me like this?

I want to leave so badly, but the server comes with our main course and guides me to sit back down. I don’t want to make another scene, afraid of what would reach my father’s ears, so I just sit back down, broken phone in my hand and tears in the corners of my eyes.

I look around the restaurant wanting to avoid Minho’s gaze as much as possible. True to his form, the waitresses were cooping up in the corner or behind the bar giggling and gawking at him.

He didn’t mind. I doubt he’s even noticed the way he’s burning holes through my skull.

Minho only had to flash that undeniably cocky smirk at someone to get them to like him. He is so devastatingly, disgustingly good-looking that whoever becomes his target never stood a chance. The way he runs his hand through his silky brown hair, the way he gives that lazy wink that makes you think you’re the only thing he sees, the way his eyes would never seem to leave yours in an infinite assault of intense eye contact.

He knows his effect on women, even men and he brazenly relishes in it.

A true womaniser.

It probably would have worked on me as well if I didn’t know him well enough to know that he is actually the biggest cock on the planet.

And I will give him credit for being a hard worker, a man with lots of ambition and determination.

When I first met him, his beauty nearly swept me off my feet.

It was on the cusp of autumn two years ago when I started university, the trees were bare leaving only the skeleton behind. However, the ground was now a beautiful variety of burnt ambers, bright yellows and fiery reds. I was so nervous. University was adulting and that scared me. The expectations of doing well from my family didn’t help either.

Cynthia has already told me about the heartthrob in my class as she started a day before me. She couldn’t stop talking about him, and apparently, she had already planned out our wedding and house interior.

We were seated together. I didn’t know who he was, but he knew who I was.

“Pearl, it’s nice to meet you.” I turned and looked at him in downright confusion. Worried about how he knew who I was and how he knew me.

But I was also starstruck by his good looks, “I’m sorry, do I know you?” I said.

He chuckles lightly and I noticed his cute set of pearly white bunny teeth, “I’m Lee Minho.”

The realisation hit me like a truck and I wish I could have disappeared right on the spot, spontaneously combust. He was the Lee Minho, the one my parents had told me about. The one who they said to be polite to and provide the most respect towards.

The one they said was handsome and polite.

Fuck they were right, he was handsome.

I stammered, placing my pen down quickly and turned to look at him better to not come across as rude as I previously had done by not recognising him, “I’m so sorry I… I didn’t know you were here, in this course, and I wasn’t told.”

His smile brightened as my fumbling across sentences seemed to amuse him, “It’s okay, I’ve been told a great deal about you.”

I sighed in relief, “I hope all good things?”

“Of course,” he said softly as the lecturer came in to start.

After the lecture was over he asked me if I wanted to join him for lunch, I accepted, of course.

We went to the café where Felix worked. It was my first time there; the interior shocked me. It was definitely something different.

We both genuinely got on.

Like a house on fire, he was shy initially but he soon warmed up. Quicker than I did anyway.

His jokes were witty, some were absolutely ludicrous and were so bad they made me laugh.

I’d tell him they were terrible but he said that it doesn’t matter as long as I laugh. That was when I first felt my face heat up and stomach bubble.

But whenever I was with him I did notice the glares I received from girls, it was intimidating. But he didn’t care about them, he’d tell me not to worry about them, as he would bring me to face him with his warm hand that felt like it was meant to be there and remind me not to worry.

We had lunch together for about two months and I would have considered us pretty close.

I’d always catch him staring as he did with me, to say that I hadn’t developed feelings for him would have been a lie.

I’d make sure to hug him goodbye everytime we parted and each hug got longer, I was sure I would never let him go.

When we’d walk side by side and our hands would brush I’d get shivers and butterflies would erupt in my stomach.

His eye contact alone would make my heart melt, his laugh was music to my ears.

His every movement and expression made my heart clench and twist.

But I didn’t know how he felt.

And we were friends.

Just friends, as much as I wanted to change that.

I couldn’t. I valued our friendship too much.

In the mornings he would bring me tea from the café and I always loved how caring and attentive he was.

He was my best friend and someone I grew to care so deeply about in those first two months.

But It only lasted two months.

He pulls me out of my thinking by placing his hand on mine, it’s warm, almost comforting. But then I realise he is the reason I’m so upset.

How careless can someone be to break someone's phone and not even apologise about it?

“We’d be good together.” He doesn’t even hesitate a moment before saying that as if it’s the easiest thing to say.

As if we don’t hate each other's guts.

I blink.

It’s as if I can feel my eyes monumentally widen, granting him an incredulous stare, “You’re kidding.” I state in disbelief, ready for him to laugh at my shock. To tell me he was joking, just to get a rise out of me.

Except that never comes. Minho just stares back, eyes relaxed, unlike mine that are round in shock and confusion.

I wait for him to backtrack, to make some sort of excuse for this random burst of strange behaviour, but he doesn’t. Instead, he looks at his finished plate, reminding me that I probably should eat mine. His gaze shifts to his glass half full, as if to steady himself.

“Minho,” I begin, unsure of what I’m even going to say in response to his bold statement.

Fortunately, I find that I don’t need to bother connecting the pieces of the puzzle, as he immediately speaks up.

“Listen,” he requests and it's not like I have anything to say anyway, “We’re both hard workers, we’re intellectually compatible, we both come from prestigious backgrounds. And we're both attractive.”

I hate the fact that I’m not arguing back, but I'm at a loss for words. Also, I’m taken aback. Lee Minho thinks I’m attractive. If he said this when we first met I would have been thrilled.

I hate the fact that my face is flushing a bright fuchsia.

He continues, “We won’t get annoyed if the other person is working hard and doesn’t have much time for the other as it's standard for our families and we have the same sense of humour-”

“Okay Minho, I get it,” I cut him off, feeling a sense of overwhelm take over me completely.

It’s rare for Minho to leave me speechless, it’s rare for me to not knock him down a few pegs with a snarky reply.

But I can't think of anything to say.

His sheer presence right now at this moment is overbearing.

I stare down at my food and continue picking at it, my appetite being completely lost.

Minho sighs and leans back in his chair, “I’m just saying, you know?”

God, I wish he’d stop talking.

“Minho, can we please stop talking?!” I snap at him.

His eyes go wide for a moment as if he didn’t expect the outlash almost as if I’d be kind to him after what he said.

“Yeah, okay… let's just finish this then leave.”

I start reluctantly cutting through the 24k golden steak, and I take a bite. It’s good quality, obviously, and I understand why the price is this high. I just wish I could actually enjoy the food instead of overthinking what Minho said.

Bitter memories of two years ago rush through my head again and I start remembering how stupid he made me feel… especially when I found out what he really thought about me from other people.

It’s ironic, really.

Hard workers, intellectually compatible, he said? Too bad I know the truth behind his words.

I know he doesn’t see me as an equal, and I know he would never like me for me. What he wants is that prestigious background of mine he mentioned. It felt like a punch in the gut that he called me attractive. It just reminded me of how naïve I was before, to think he would actually see me, be into me, like me.

How stupid I was.

That’s the thing about Minho. You never know his thoughts. He can and will make you feel like you’re the apple of his eye, but he’s just doing whatever he can to follow through with his plans. He’s just like that.

I manage to finish the small steak on my plate and sigh in relief that the dinner is finally over.

And then the server brings out the desserts.

Fuck, I forgot I ordered this.

The Frrrozen Haute Chocolate. Essentially, a ridiculously priced sundae topped with edible gold that comes in a cup adorned with gold and diamonds.

I just want to go home. I think while fidgeting the golden spoon and looking once again at my broken phone on the table.

Did Hyunjin message me again?

Was he worried that I didn’t see his messages?

Did he go on a fake date?

He did say he had work tonight…

Fuck, why do I feel this stinging in my heart when I think he’s going on these dates? It’s not like he’s my real boyfriend.

“How’s the dessert?” Minho asks, probably noticing how low-hearted I still am and how the only interesting thing in the world for me seems to be the golden spoon.

“Just desserts.” I mumble, remembering hearing a song with this title a while ago and finding it so genius. I always enjoyed witty amalgamations like this. Justice hurts. Oh, or Champagne, which could be Sham pain, or even shame + pain if you squint your eyes hard enough.

Haha.

Or even: everyday is a chore - everyday is torture.

Family jewels - Family duels.

Are you satisfied? - Are you sad inside?

These are so fun. I smile a bit, and raise my eyes, glancing at Minho. He seems once again amused, and I tilt my head.

“Oh yea, justice does hurt sometimes, right? I remember we had a class about that in first year.”

My smile drops.

Being alone with him like this reminds me of the time we used to get along, and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. He still understands my jokes, we still share the same humour. He was right.

I just hoped that would be enough for him to like me and see my worth.

But he didn’t.

He still doesn’t.

And he never will.

He’s just like my dad.

“Do you remember? When the professor told us about the guy with the carpenter business-”

“I remember.” I cut him off sporting a fake smile, and taste the dessert.

Sweet, sugary nonsense.

Just like Minho’s words.

When we are done eating, I pick up my purse from the chair with anticipation. However, Minho seems to have other plans, as he signals to the waiter.

“Yes, sir?” He asks with a bow.

“I’d like a whiskey. Double, please, no ice. Pearl?”

“Uhm…” I mumble, hating that he put me on the spot like this. All the sourness from earlier when I ordered thousands of dollars of food and drinks is gone, and now I just feel stupid. “A Margarita?”

“Coming right up.” The waiter bows again and leaves, and I am once again left fidgeting the straps of my bag and seeing how relaxed Minho leans in his chair.

“What?” He asks amused.

“What are you doing?”

“What am I doing?” He smirks, raising an eyebrow.

“Why do you want to prolong this stupid dinner?”

“Why not? I very much enjoy your company.”

“Well, the feeling is not mutual.”

“Isn’t it?” he smirks again. The waiter returns with our drinks, so he takes a big sip. “I remember it used to be, though.” He takes another big sip.

“Don’t get drunk, I don’t want to have to take care of you.” I roll my eyes and pick up my own cocktail, taking a sip as well and ignoring his words.

“You’re just going to brush over everything I say? Like you did 2 years ago?” He tilts his head, and he suddenly looks unamused. I just shrug and drink the Margarita.

“Ok then.” He shifts in his seat, and leans on the table. “I was thinking about Spring or Autumn.”

“What for?”

“Our wedding, of course. What else?”

“Minho, drop it. I don’t want to get married to you, okay? Besides, I have a boyfriend. How many times should I repeat that for you and my father to get it?!”

“Pearl,” he starts in a similar manner as I did. “I’m just saying you should reconsider, and think about your favourite season.”

“I can’t believe you.” I scoff. “What, you broke up with that girl from the club and now want me to be miserable as well? I’m very much in love, and don’t WANT any stupid wedding, thank you! Now finish that drink already and let’s fucking go!” My patience is running thin, and he seems to finally take me seriously for the first time tonight.

He drinks down the remainder of his whiskey in a gulp and signals me to get up, guiding me outside. Neither of us says anything.

To my relief, there are two cars waiting for us, which means that the bitter night with Minho is finally over. Still silent, he opens the door for me and helps me get in the car. No goodbye, no nothing.

I don’t speak either. Instead, I just look ahead and hope he’ll just close the door, which he is quick to do as soon as he sees I’m settled in.

I get home about 15 minutes later, and I head directly to my room, ignoring my parents’ questions asking me how the date went.

I don’t want to talk to anyone.

I lock the door and go to my vanity, taking off my make-up.

I then throw my dress on the ground and plop myself on the bed naked, covering my body with the soft duvet.

I’m so tired.

It was such an emotionally draining day.

What is Hyunjin doing now?

Is he having fun?

Does he think about me at all?

I sigh, making a mental note to drop by the Apple Store and buy a new phone tomorrow.

Closing my eyes, I fall asleep, dreading that tomorrow will be Monday and I’m going to have to see Minho again.

Part Two | Part Four (coming soon)

A/N: Hello, long time no see! Unfortunately, this story will have very slow updates. Sorry about that!

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

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