#do i need a new graphics card? yes. do i wanna spend that kind of money? no.

[goonchef]

it is my firm belief that everyone should experience german emmrich but... not everyone can speak german so i played the whole game in german so non-german speakers can have him too without having to learn german

obviously i didnt add everything otherwise it would be 20 minutes long

[twilightknight17]

The Promised Day - Part 2

Man, I meant to get the rest of this written up sooner, but I’ve started a new job and it’s tiring. I wanna talk about the final boss so badly, though, because Atlus has personally attacked me again, so here we go.

We ascend to the top of the stairs, where we arrive at the shrine to humanity’s desire for the end. It’s kind of beautiful, actually, even if I don’t know if the mosaics are meant to mean anything.

But now we finally get to see our final foe.

He’s really cool. The upgraded graphics really emphasize all the glowing details and colors.

Yukari calls him Ryoji, and he responds that he almost misses the name he used to be called. But now he’s not even the harbinger of the Fall. He says there’s no longer a distinction between Nyx and himself.

Not sure I believe that, considering he admits to missing his name and he still recognizes us.

...so… I get the logic behind re-translating things to make them more accurate and stuff. But something as iconic as the final boss’s speech? Especially when all you’ve really done is reword it to make it more… grandiose? Like, before, it was simple and to the point.

“What people fear most, what they try to ignore… that is what I am.”

He's not some villain that needs to be dramatic. Sure, calling himself “wretched” proves that it’s definitely still Ryoji in there and he’s definitely still upset about this, but I dunno. He’s always been Death. He didn’t ‘become’ it; he’s just changed forms. And somehow, the idea that he’s still that much of himself right now, rather than being almost entirely overwritten by Nyx’s will… I don’t think I like that as much?? It doesn’t fit.

It’s like how the movie handled the reveal in December. Was him oneshotting everyone’s personas while hovering in front of the full moon cool as hell? Yes. But does it suit his character to pull out the “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you” monologue? Not really. Ryoji’s not like that. Passing out on the bridge while apologizing for what he is fits his character a lot more.

Either way, we might be afraid, but we have to do this.

……maybe hitting the Reaper with Armageddon twice was a bad idea. Because these first rounds have been… not very hard. Level 90 Minato and level 86ish everyone else is a little too much. X’D

It still took time, though. We had to fight through twelve rounds, after all. But now it’s time for the Death Arcana.

Heeee~<3

…again, why change lines like this when you’re basically just making them a frillier version of the same thing. “It matters not who you are. Death awaits you.” There was nothing wrong with that?? Spend your time on other things. X’D

I do absolutely love how the final Arcana adds the watching eyes and the red veins. It’s so cool. My boy is so good.

So they’ve given the Avatar a new almighty attack called “Apocalypse” that takes everyone down to 1% of their HP, which had the potential to be a LOT worse if he’d used it during one of the sections where he was getting 3 or 4 turns in a row. I don’t know if I just got lucky with having time to heal, but it wasn’t actually that scary after the first time.

It’s got a world-cracking animation that makes me think of Armageddon, though, so that’s cool.

And the animation for Night Queen is awesome! He summons all the Arcana cards for it. ^_^

But… they’ve taken away Moonless Gown.

It’s not even that he didn’t use it. It’s just gone entirely. The spell I specifically associate with Ryoji.

I guess they thought it made the boss too hard? But… it’s the final boss. You’re fighting Death Incarnate at the end of the world. It SHOULD be hard. I was looking forward to having to claw my way through this fight to the bitter end. But it wasn’t really bitter at all.

...there was a point I could have used Armageddon to end it, and didn’t, just because I wanted to keep going and see what happened.

I know I keep making fun of Atlus for the whole “core P3 experience” thing, but in this case, I DID want the core P3 experience, and I didn’t get it. So I’m actually disappointed. X’D

Nope, sorry Mitsuru.

The moon is coming to kill us, whether we like it or not.

People on the streets are being freed from their coffins, and are beginning to panic and collapse into lesser shadows. It’s mayhem.

Takaya manages to stagger to the roof and laugh about how great this all is, right before crushing gravity smashes all of us to the ground. No one can move; no one can do anything, and Minato is blacking out.

...thanks.

Igor tells Minato that it’s time to draw on all the bonds we’ve forged and harness their strength. I do not have all my social links maxed, so I suppose it’s lucky that I still have enough power. X’D

Igor also says he never dreamed of seeing this card with his own eyes, so… yeah. This is a one-of-a-kind miracle.

And on that note, I like, “No miracle is beyond your reach” better. X’D

The elevator reaches its destination, the doors open to a blaze of light, and like I said last time, I like the movie’s element of summoning Messiah as a fusion on the rooftop a lot better. Feels more climactic. But Minato pushes himself to his feet, pushes forward, and goes to confront Nyx on his own.

The inside of Nyx is trippy as hell, and leads to the core, which is a big glowing egg.

She tries to kill Minato with an ability that is literally just “death”, but Minato keeps one HP and takes a swing at her. His teammates all chime in to give him strength, even Shinji, and not only does he return to full health, but he can no longer be hit by the death spell at all. It does nothing to him.

And thus we come to the endgame.

I’ve always liked the gameplay representation of the Great Seal. The fact that it costs exactly how much health you have. The fact that you’re not casting it through a persona, you’re drawing entirely from yourself, empowered by your ultimate arcana. The fact that this is your only option, after attacking directly proves useless.

And from a story perspective, it hurts. It hurts so much to see this boy who had nothing gain friends, family, a life that he loves… and he has to give it all up to keep the people he cares for safe.

Makes you wonder if Philemon knew what it would take, when he blessed his chosen one with the Wild Card this time.

I could go on about that sort of thing for a while, so we’ll just leave it at that, with the casting of the Great Seal.

All that’s left is the ending, now. And yeah. I really like the Avatar fight, but I expected it to be a lot harder. So I am, somehow, both content and disappointed.

It’s an interesting feeling. XD

[side-shawty]

What the Tech?

Fandom: DC

Type: one-shot

Prompt/Summary: Damian Wayne with a quirky, tech-savvy girl.

Pairing(s): Damian Wayne x Reader

Requested? YES by Anon

This is an old old old request that I found in my drafts when I had a different fic account and I figured I’d share it with all of you. I was too shy to post things like this back then but now I’m more than happy to. (I couldn't find the og request so that's what it is lol)

-Duckie

Stupid Hackers.

Technically speaking it wasn’t exactly Damian’s fault that his katana had practically sliced Tim’s laptop in half. He should have never been working so close to the training area in the first place.

So now here he was, spending his free period in the library grumbling at his laptop as he attempted to break the codes that Tim had put on it as his way of revenge.

That was when you walked in. As per usual, you were spending your free period working on a new coding program in hopes of impressing the judges at the Wayne Tech contest next month. You always impressed the judges. However, it became harder and harder to work with Damian Wayne cursing under his breath and slamming on keys.

With a sigh you stood up, dark curls swishing in your face with the speed, and waltzed over to him.

You put a hand on the desk he was working at and leaned over the back of the computer, “What exactly did that laptop do to you?” You questioned looking curiously at your fellow senior.

“And what does it matter to you?” He asked without ever looking up at you.

“It matters because I can feel your frustration from the other side of the library, Damian Wayne.”

At the use of his full name the young heir finally looked up at you. This was your first time seeing him so close since the week-long project you did together freshman year. Since then it had been distance looks from the other side of the classroom and your stupid school girl crush came back ten-fold.

He was no longer the baby-faced 14-year-old and puberty had hit him like a truck. His face was all angles, blue eyes, and tan olive skin with a head of black hair that Y/N wanted to run her fingers through.

As Y/N cleared her throat and stood up straight again she failed to realize that Damian was having the same train of thought. He thought of how much she had filled out in all the right places and how she had gone from cute to dangerously sexy in the past few years—even in the school uniform. Her dark skin stood out against the pristine white of her button-down and her curls were a casually organized mess.

He cleared his throat, throwing a playboy smirk on his face as he leaned back in his chair. “Y/N Y/L/N, just the person I need. You’re good with computers right?”

You rolled your eyes, “Well I’d hope so considering I am the head of the computer club. What do you need?”

“One of my many idiot brothers has decided to put a series of codes and viruses on my computer and on it, I have a paper that’s due at midnight. Mind lending a hand,” he asked with a voice that could have made you rob a bank if he so desired. Walt, was he flirting with you?

“I’m sure if you just apologize and ask nicely he’d remove everything,” Y/N told moving around the table and leaning over slightly to have a better took at the screen.

“You don’t know my brother,” Damian scoffed, “he’d make me grovel and I refuse to ever have to stoop to that humiliating level,” he said, nose in the air and crossed arms.

You sighed, “Well move over and let me see what the damage is,” you motioned him to switch over to the next chair whilst you took his seat and got straight to work.

As time ticked by the awkwardness that had settled in the silence was driving Y/N crazy so she stared to ask Damian questions while she worked and soon enough he began to ask too. The awkwardness was long forgotten by the time the bell interrupted Damian’s next question about animals.

“Well if you have a last period class I can finish up here. I have computer graphics but I’m excused for today,” Y/N told him.

“It’s fine,” Damian replied, too quickly before he cleared his throat and regained his composure, “I have history but Mrs. James is so old she’ll forget to take attendance again.”

“Okay, well in that case maybe we should take a little break,” you stood and stretched all of your limbs exposing just a bit more leg that the young man couldn’t help but stare at as you went back into a standing position and held your hand out to him. He took it almost instantly and felt a warm electricity in his hand and spread all through him. you gave him a warm smile before walking to the vending machines just outside of the library.

“Pick anything you want, this one’s on me,” you said with a wink and never let go of his hand as you fished a debit card from your breast pocket.

Damian got an energy bar and you got a pack of skittles, your hands were intertwined until you sat down again and Damian felt an immediate loss of warmth.

You were about to start working again when you froze, “Good lord Damian is your brother so kind of brainiac level hacker? He put like fifteen more locks on it while I left,” You gave a heavy sigh and leaned far back in your chair, silently counting to ten before pulling eyedrops from your bag, using them, throwing your curls into a messy bun and cracking your knuckles.

He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples, “Maybe I should just rewrite the paper.”

You laughed and patted his shoulder reassuringly, “Don’t worry I can help.”

And with that, you stood to get your abandoned laptop from its place at the next table over just as the bell ending the final class of the day sounded.

You and Damian looked to each other in question.

“Do you, uh, wanna finish this back at my place?” Damian asked bashfully with a hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“No!” you answered too quickly, and it took everything for the Wayne heir not to flinch, “Um, I mean, we can just go to my house. I live closer and, uh, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” it was your turn to look sheepish as Damian smiled softly.

Not wanting to make you any more uncomfortable Damian said, “Okay, I’ll drive.”

And that’s how it started. Every day you and Damian would meet up during free period and then after last class (if either of you went) he’d drive you home. His excuse was because he insisted that the beginnings of October were much too cold to walk home in a skirt and tights.

You couldn’t argue and you didn’t really want to.

During the daily meet-ups, Damian couldn’t help but notice the little things about you, like how you never wore the uniform tie and seemed to have a different color or patterned one every day. How you loved to change up the style of your curly hair as much as you could.

One day after school you asked Damian if he could drive you to the hair solan instead of home and when he asked why you saw a glint of sadness in his eyes. Why would you want to change anything about those beautiful curls?

But when you told him you were going to get box braids he seemed much happier. He even stayed with you for all the hours it took to finish them. This was when Damian knew he was in too deep, going as far as checking on your house during patrol and never telling the others why he’d stopped coming home immediately after school (or earlier).

Damian was happier and he knew the reason was you. He was happy with knowing that fact, and he told himself being your friend was more than enough. He was wrong.

Damian usually got to the library first but he got caught up talking to Colin and Maps on his way and when he got there your attention was occupied by one of the football players. He was obviously flirting with you and Damian hated the feeling that this gave him. But some of the tension fell when he realized how desperate you seemed to get out of that situation.

So Damian sprung into action and approached the two of you. You caught his eye over the jock’s shoulder. A look of utmost relief on your face and Damian cooly slid in and put an arm around your shoulders.

“Everything alright here, Y/N,” Damian asked as you placed a warm hand on his back in gratitude.

“Fine, Wayne, I was just asking Y/N here about her plans after the game on Friday,” the jock, Brandon, said smiling at you and doing his best to ignore Damian altogether.

Damian’s back muscles tensed beneath the white button-down at his words, “I’m afraid she’ll be otherwise occupied,” Damian replied and after being friends with him since the beginning of the school year you could read him much better now. But this was something different, like a mix of anger, and annoyance and…jealousy?

But that was crazy. Right? Why would Damian be jealous, it made no sense. Unless...

“Well, that's too bad. I guess we’ll catch up some other time, yeah?” He asked and you only nodded with a tight smile on your lips before Brandon turned and left. But Damian never let go of your shoulders.

You looked up at him but his eyes were glued to the spot that Brandon once stood, glaring.

“Damian,” you said looking to get his attention.

And when he turned to you, all of the tension instantly left him and he found himself lost in your Y/E/C orbs, kind face showing nothing but concern for him. He took in all of your features, from the polka dot hair tie to the electric blue tie tucked beneath her sweater vest. He realized he’d been staring for too long, but couldn’t bring himself to stop.

“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?” You asked and he smiled softly at you. A smile only you ever got to see.

“No it’s perfect,” he almost whispered.

Though the blush wasn’t prominent the heat worked its way into your cheeks anyway.  

“Good. Now quick question.”

“Mmm?” he hummed.

“We’re you jealous?” You asked with raised eyebrows and his eyes widened in the slightest.

He sputtered just a bit and released his hold of your shoulders in favor of standing across from you.

Damian didn’t look at you as he asked, “Does it matter if I was?”

You stood shocked for a few seconds at his earnestness before replying in a teasing voice.

“Damian Wayne was jealous over little old me? Wow wait until the papers hear about this one,” you said and he finally turned to you at that.

“I might have a better story for them,” he told you, and his sudden mischievous aura sent a tingle down your back.

“And what would that be?” You asked.

“This,” he said before unexpectedly closing the distance between the two of you in a sweet kiss. He tasted like peppermint and you were quick to melt into him as he placed his hands on your waist.

When you finally pulled back he was smiling and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Oh yeah, Vicky Vale would have a field day with that one.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #424

“got no superspeed, but i’m running this town”

What is the first line in the song you are currently listening to/last listened to? "I’m running out of time; I hope that I can save you somehow.” Are you an easy lay? Not in the slightest. What was the last reason you cried? Life and how inexplicably I'm failing at it. What’s hurting you right now? More like what isn't. Do you remember important dates? Only some. I'm awful with numbers. Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? No. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever played Gamecube? At a friend's house. Have you ever played with toy cars before? Yeah, with my nephew. He LOVES monster trucks. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh, definitely. I loved picking them up as a kid. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just plain 'ole iceberg lettuce with ranch, really. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? Holy hell no, I SUCK. What was/is your high school mascot? A firebird. Can you make cute little animals by folding paper? God no, I'm awful at origami. Like, I have zero concept of how to do it. What kind of music do you like? Various types of metal and rock. Do you like apple juice? Yeah. Do you like to draw? It's funny, like I do love it, but I barely ever do it because I get frustrated when I can't get what's in my head onto paper. What do you put on your french fries? Generally ketchup. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. Do you want to have a big family in the future? I don't want kids, just pets. Probably a lot of pets. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? I've had multiple pet rats and I adore them. I've come to find I'm not the best at keeping rodents because changing the bedding so much sucks ass, but nevertheless they are fantastic pets for people who don't mind the maintenance. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yes. I haven't written in a while, though. I just have absolutely zero motivation to RP. Are you good at reading people's body language? I probably overanalyze it, really. Ever threatened somebody and actually went through with it? I don’t threaten people. Does holding newborn babies scare you? Extremely. I feel like they're made of thin glass. Piercings: yay or nay? I LOVE piercings. They add an interesting touch to your appearance and to me just (usually) look super cool. There are very few piercings I don't like. Do you have a collage of pictures in your bedroom? No, but I want to make a motivation board very badly. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Were video games better in the 1980s, 1990s, or the 2000s? Why? '80s games bore me honestly, but I love some '90s and many 2000s games. I've got to say ultimately newer games win, because of graphics increasing immersion (no, I do not whatsoever believe graphics are everything or always make a better experience), voice acting improving immensely, etc. Have you ever watched The Beverly Hillbillies? Yes! Mom loves it so I used to watch it a lot with her as a kid. I'd still watch it. Did your mother ever sing lullabies to you when you were younger? Yes. Are you ready to get out of this town? I HATE THIS TOOOWN, IT'S SO WASHED UUU-UP, AND ALL MY FRIENDS DON'T GIVE A FUUU-UUUUUCK god hell yes get me the fuck out. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Quite a few. What are you listening to? "Superluv” by Shane Dawson. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandmother, the only one I really ever knew, taught me I'm a disappointment, pretty much. And a bitch. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? It'd be nice to have one, but I don't, and I'm not pursuing it again. I've wasted enough of my parents' money. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favourite? Not seriously, but I enjoy them well enough. I like Spider-Man. What did you have for dinner last night? Mom ordered Mexican. I had two shrimp and cheese quesadillas and rice with cheese. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? No. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, it's fun. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yes. Are you close to your father? I am. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yeah. Would you rather have long or short hair? I enjoy having short hair way more. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went with Jason twice. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, and I never would. Arguing makes me cry lmao. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yep. What’s one thing that scares you about living alone and being independent? A lot of things do, but one thing in specific that I fear is that I let the house become cluttered and messy. I'm so shit at cleaning, especially when I'm depressed. It's why my own bedroom isn't even fully decorated, and we've lived here since I wanna say last November. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, 'cuz I enjoy the culture and would love to try some foods and visit places. Have you ever won anything on the lottery? No. Are you interested in the World Cup? I couldn't possibly care less. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been on a plane for? Idk. Do you let your hair dry naturally or do you towel-dry it or blow dry it? I use a towel to dry it some, then let it really get the job done naturally. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. Who last gave you their number? When I posted on Facebook about going on a mental health hiatus, my good friend Alon messaged me her number if I ever needed to talk. I was really thankful. Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Honestly yeah. I'm slow to grasp a lot of things. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Never gotten or given one. Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes to both. Are you mad right now? I'm annoyed, but not mad. Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? No. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Yeah, I love milk. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? It is EXTREMELY sensitive. What was the last situation to upset you? I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever had an online argument? I have been heavily active on the Internet since I was like, 11. Maybe younger. I have been in plenty. Are you at risk for any medical issues? A lot of heart problems run in my family. I'm also suspicious I may develop diabetes, which also runs very heavily in my family. What were you doing at 7:00 a.m.? Surprisingly, I was asleep. Do you own a robe? No. What would you consider your life to be? A wreck. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? I like question marks. Who knows your biggest secret? Nobody. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Probably not. How do you know? I just doubt it. I'm so unlikable right now. Could you go a day without eating? I don't think I could. I do not react to stomach pain well, and that includes when I'm hungry. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. What’s your favorite drink? Strawberry Sunkist, but I don't allow myself to have it. I will DESTROY a can or five of it. Who was the last person that texted you? My mom. What are you craving? Nothing really right now. What was the first thing you ate today? An everything bagel. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. Have you taken any medication today? Yeah, I take some prescription meds in the morning and at night. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but that'd be cool. Do you know anyone who has diabetes? My mom, for one. Have you ever made a boy cry? Sadly. Who are you talking to? Nobody. Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? Absolutely. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced, and I stayed with Mom. Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background? I couldn't care less. For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? For others, absolutely. It's your right. For me myself, it's possible, idk. If I was God forbid raped, I probably would have an abortion. If I accidentally got pregnant in a healthy relationship, I'd probably have a "too bad, so sad" outlook where I'd suck it up and go through with the gestation because having sex and risking pregnancy was my own decision. Even if I'm pro-choice, I think I'd feel too guilty aborting, especially with the child being someone's I love. Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? IF I had an s/o, no. I like to, but sometimes you just want space. Are you fetish-friendly? I'm not gonna lie, some fetishes are just too fucking weird for me. I TRY not to judge, because I doubt you can actually help fetishes, but I inevitably do sometimes. If you're asking would I engage in fetishes because my s/o liked them, possibly, but it would really depend on what it is. Have you ever cosplayed? No. I think cosplay is really cool, though. Do you support the exploration of outer space? If yes, would you consider taking a trip into space, or even to another planet? As creatures who crave knowledge and understanding of our universe, I do support space exploration, but I do NOT believe we should be spending as much money as we do on it. Taking care of the planet we're actually on is far more important imo. I wouldn't personally go to outer space. Is it okay for men to wear makeup? What’s your opinion of male crossdressers? It's totally okay! Guys with makeup can be super attractive. Crossdressers, too. Go for it. You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? For me personally, yes. I don't even know if I'd date someone with 14 past sexual partners, honestly. I would admittedly question their loyalty. Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? No. If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away? I would. What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? Not my scene at all, but so long as you respect the dancers, whatever. You do you.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello, Lovely Steph! I know that people here don't usually talk much about their personal life, but, only if you're completely ok with answering this question, I was wondering what you worked in, like, if you had a job in rl. I was interested in what is your job; imho you'd be great at everything, and if u feel comfortable with telling us what you do, it'd be really cool On the other hand, if you don't, for any reason, wanna say it it'd be absolutely ok and u wouldn't even have to answer this 💜

Hey Nonny!

It’s totally okay, I don’t mind. I just try to keep a lot of my personal, online and work life all separate for various reasons (something I don’t think people do enough of, to be honest), but I don’t mind letting y’all know my day-job. It might help y’all understand why I need a break from my computer more often than not.

Yes, I do have a day job as a paid full-time senior graphic designer, one that I’m fortunate enough to work from home at during the pandemic. Assuming you’re new so it’s not AS noticeable that I actually do have a day-job because during quarantine I’m working from home on my home computer, so blogging all day is just a switch of tabs. Downside being a designer in quarantine is you’re always on call and it’s kind of expected that you’re available... *shrugs* At least when I worked at the office, there was that distinct break up of my going to and from work, and a computer dedicated solely for work, and my PERSONAL computer was for personal things. Now my personal computer is EVERYTHING, and I never leave home so *shrugs*

I’m purposely being vague because I don’t want to say much else on a public post, since there is a level of privacy related to my job, other than, if you live in Canada, you’ve probably seen my work all across the country in newspapers, websites, posters, advertisements, television events and billboards. And I do love my job: my boss is great, I have great benefits and I get paid above-living wage, which means I can afford a single apt on my own. It pays over double of my last job, where I used to work as a production coordinator and graphic designer for local newspapers (word to the wise: NEVER work at a newspaper company, they will find ways to fuck you over). This job you guys probably DO know about, since I reference it a lot when people come to me about trash rags using clickbait. That job was a 9 year gig and it paid shit (WAY below poverty), but the benefits and holiday package was good which is why I stayed so long (and waiting for the layoff package that never came), but I LITERALLY couldn’t afford to live anymore and it was to the point I almost lost my home. My friend who works at the HQ branch of my current job got me the position I have now, and for now I’m content, though I want out of the drama of it eventually. My dream is working graphic design at a studio, but where I am now, actually was the “alternate dream position” because my neurotic ass did the math as a teenager and I knew it would enable me to live, if nothing else. I’m saving up to finally move into a condo with my RSP money (in Canada, you can use your RSP’s to buy your first home, which is what I am going to do with it), which is a dream next-step, but I live in a major city so it’s not cheap to go from renting to owning... the in-between stage will cost me about 30,000$ up-front, which I don’t have and the prospect of dropping that much money at once terrifies me. 

Work is one of the few things I KNOW I excel at – I’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years – and honestly these days I truly believe it’s ALL I’m good at, so sadly I choose working tirelessly over anything else because I need the validation from my peers, and at the end of the day, it’s unfortunately left me a very lonely person with shit self-esteem and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Anyway, it is cliché, but graphic design is legit my passion. I love it very much, but I just hate how cutthroat the industry is, and how little respect we designers receive. It combines my love of computers and art seamlessly, and I am proud of the work I have done.  Every month I also do freelance work on the side for a former boss of mine, which is so minimal that I don’t have to claim it (it’s literally under 1000$ a year), for a magazine she publishes, so that gets me some extra spending money every month that I squirrel away for trips and collecting stuff.

So yeah, that’s a bit about me. So if you ever need a business card, logo, poster, etc, I’m your gal, LOL. The blogging and art are hobbies for me. I WANT to make art or writing my sole income, but I’ve never been able to launch either  beyond a commission once every few years or to just meta and the occasional one-shot fic. And my self esteem is SO shit that if I created a Patreon and no one signed up, I’d see it as another failure in my life, so that’s why I just leave the option of my Ko.fi for people to contribute if they like my blog or what I do. 

Anyhoo, TL;DR: I’m a graphic designer for very important people. 

Cheers Nonny, hope that gave you a bit of insight :) 

[singulari-taee]

The Danger in Duality | 08

COLLEGE! AU  |  ASSASSIN! AU  |  ANGST  | SMUT  | COMEDY | 10k

BTS X Reader

CW: Graphic depictions of violence and sexually explicit content

“You and your seven squad members must take on the struggles of being world-class assassins while also living as full-time college students.”

__________________________________________________

“Well, that was depressing,” Hoseok said after the call dropped.

Defeat washed over the room. 

“What are the chances?” Namjoon asked. His fingers clasped in front of his face, expression etched in deep thought, “20 miles? That’s nothing.”

“Didn’t Squad 8 have something similar happen to them a few years ago, but with a different group?” Taehyung asked.

“Yeah but it was just a small rivalry, and Squad 8 handled it in a couple weeks. Anti or whoever keeps targeting The Academy’s squads...and they’re so close,” he said, “The Academy is the biggest organization of it’s kind in the world, so my guess is that Anti set up camp so close to make some sort of territory war.”

“But why do we have to be the ones caught in the middle?” Jimin said.

“Right, we literally could have been stationed anywhere,” you huffed.

“Well, since we’re the best squad, and Grandpa kind of prioritises us, he wanted us closer to home...like regional guards I guess,” Taehyung said.

“So essentially...nepotism came back to bite us in the ass,” you said.

“It wasn’t nepotism!” Namjoon began to fight, but he shared a look with Taehyung and didn’t continue.

“Well then why not start by targeting us if we’re the closest?” Hoseok asked.

“Maybe they were using the other squads as practice before they got to us,” Namjoon shrugged, “or maybe it was just a warning.”

Silence.                     

“I can’t do this right now,” Seokjin sighed, carding a hand through his hair as he walked to his room, “The mission is tomorrow and I gotta prepare.”

“Hey! Are you still watching the game with us tonight?” Hoseok called after him.

“Maybe,” he shut the door behind him.

“I’m gonna head out too,” you said.

“Woah, I thought you wanted to watch it!” Hoseok whined.

“Sorry, Seokjin’s right though. I need to prepare for tomorrow and I still have a shit ton of homework.”

“I’ll pass too,” Jungkook said as he and Taehyung followed you to the door.

“Oh not you too!” Hoseok threw his arms up.

“You know I don’t even like basketball,” Jungkook said, “Damn, Seokjin still has my calculator.”

Jungkook jogged to the oldest’s room and flung open the door.

Seokjin stood in nothing but boxers in the middle of the room. He was quick to cover himself as he let the profanity fly.

“Fuck are you doing?! Ever heard of knocking, you little shit?! Get out!”

He pushed Jungkook to the door, but the youngest pushed back effortlessly as he made his way to the calculator on the desk.

“Oops. Forgot this.” he said, “And you know how it works. If you really didn’t want anyone to come in, you would have locked it.”

“That’s not how this works! It’s my room!”

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Changing- you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to you. Move!” he shoved the youngest out of the room and locked the door.

“Yeah, so...I’m gonna go,” you said. You spared a glance back at Yoongi, who’s eyes followed you as you walked out of the apartment.

Jungkook and Taehyung were close behind. The sun had almost fully set, and it stretched over the horizon in a spray of oranges and reds. You neared the fork in the road, an indication to go your separate ways. 

“Hey,” Jungkook said, “When the hell can I get that SIG-Sauer P228 off your hands?”

You scoffed, “I still can’t believe it's not too basic for you. That’s, like, a 3rd week of training level pistol.”

“No, what? Shut up! What do you even know?”

“I know that it’s basic.”

“Basic?! You’ve got the special limited holiday edition! It’s got the gold two-tone finish and the indented grip. Oh fuck and the light-weight. Ugh-,” he shook his head as he looked up at the sky, smiling. “And you promised!”

“You know he’s not gonna let it go now,” Taehyung warned.

“Okay, whatever fine, just come by and get it.”

Jungkook turned and you stuck your hand out, “What?”

“Woah, not right now.”

“Not now?! Then when?!” his arms flapped at his side, making him look like a tantrum-throwing child.

You shrugged and walked on, “Not now.”

He called after you, each word followed by a curse. It was true, you had promised that you would give him the gun soon. You rarely used it and when you told him you had it collecting dust in the back of your closet he all but ripped your head off, going on about how you didn’t respect the craft and how he’d save it from the likes of you (whatever the hell that meant). There was just no way you could deal with the company now, and the sooner you were back to your room the better.

As you neared your apartment, you saw a familiar car in the parking lot. The warning was all you needed to mentally prepare yourself for your roommate.

Turning your key in the lock, you pushed inside. Luna sat on the sofa, focused on her laptop.

“Hey!” she chirped, “How was your day?”

“Hey,” you nodded, “Okay, just stressful as usual.”

“Aww I’m sorry to hear that. Wanna come study with me?” she asked, patting the spot next to her.

You looked down the hall. The sanctuary of your room was just so close.

“Ah, damn. I’m just really tired, I don’t think I can focus right now.”

“Oh...I see,” she said in a low voice. The disappointment was clear, “It’s just that we never really see each other or hang out. We live together but I don’t really feel like I know you.”

And you never really will, you thought.

“I know,” you played with your fingers, “Tonight's just not good for me. But we can hang out soon. I promise. I’ll...try and make time for it.”

“Really? Okay! Sounds good,” she smiled, “Oh, and I already made dinner, there’s some left on the stove if you get hungry.”

With a thanks you went to your room, shut the door, and threw yourself on the bed. The blank ceiling didn’t help to clear your mind, just made it easier for your thoughts to race out of control.

It was all just so much.

Being hunted. 

Being on top of the food chain, you never knew what it was like to be the prey. There was nothing good about feeling so exposed, especially when their den was supposedly 20 or so miles away. Why did it have to be so close? You couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched even within the confines of your mind and home. The news was messing with you.

Tomorrow’s mission. 

It would be easy, but you hadn’t been on a unit mission in a while, and there was always more pressure when the whole squad wasn’t present. It would only be three of you, and only two would even enter the scene at all. Shouldn’t they have mixed up the skill-set and gotten someone else other than him? Hoseok would have been great on a stealth mission like this. And why did it have to be Yoongi of all people?

Yoongi.

The confusion you felt throughout the day came rushing back again. You couldn’t understand the reason behind his thought process. He was always so hard to read and today was no different. He never seemed like the casual ‘come over and let’s just chill’ type. He always needed his space, and given your past relationship you were always more than willing to give that to him. But with your new arrangements, having him want to see you beyond lust muddied the waters. Yes, you were friends. As strange as you liked to show it, you had been so for years. But never had you made an effort to spend time alone unless it was for work. Something about it felt wrong- even more so than the hookups. It felt like a new boundary was being crossed, one that was even scarier than the first. 

But god how you wanted him. 

He looked oddly beautiful watching the film earlier. Seeing him in gruesome violence for years, the delicate nature of the scene was enough to take you aback. There was just something about his gentleness....

You caught yourself. The corners of your lips shifted up without approval and you wiped it clean. 

No. He only wanted this because you’re the only option. It was a safe investment- not because he felt anything else. And neither did you. Nope. You couldn’t. It was against the rules.

You slapped your hand against the bed, and pushed yourself towards the bathroom for a shower. As the water ran, you stripped down in front of the mirror. Your naked body was littered with nearly invisible scratches and bruises- the norm considering your routine. You couldn’t recall the last time you saw your skin clear of any marks.

Your phone buzzed against the counter top, a sign of a text message.

Picking it up, you noticed the speed of your heart change.

-------------------

Yoongi: You get home okay?

--------------------

You rolled your eyes. As if you couldn’t handle making your way home “okay”.

---------------------

You: No

Yoongi: ???

You: Some guys told me they’d give me candy if I got in their van so 💁 

         idk where we’re goin tho. 

          just cruisin rn.

Yoongi: Stop

You: Lmaooo take a joke

Yoongi: Today was fun

--------------------

The butterflies fluttered in your stomach a bit.

---------------------------

You: Yeah great movie choice btw

Yoongi:🙄 wyd rn?

You: About to get in the shower

---------------------------

You waited for his response, but after a minute you sat the phone back down and walked towards the tub. You heard another buzz and doubled back to check.

--------------------------

Yoongi: Send me a picture

--------------------------

You stared at your screen, rereading the words to make sure you weren’t mistaken.

-----------------------

You: Of…?

Yoongi: You dumbass

             Before your shower

You: so nudes

Yoongi: Yeah

             I wanna see you…

             But you don’t have to 

------------------------

You mulled over an answer. There was something about the idea of teasing him from afar that made your stomach knot with desire. You crossed your legs tighter. He had all day during the movie to “see you”. Why choose when you’re back home and unable to touch you to ask?

You positioned yourself in front of the mirror, trying to find the best angle. Sure you had taken pictures of yourself for yourself, but never with the intention of anyone else ever seeing them.

You twisted your body to see the curves in the reflection, a hand over your head for a better view of your bare chest. Though this was new, you weren’t stupid to the rules- never show your face. With the camera placed to block everything from the chin up, you heard the shutter as you posed.

Click.

You switched angles, leaning forward with your boobs pushed together.

Click.

You sat on the counter, and turned to get a view of your perched ass in the reflection. 

Click. 

You went back to check them, and you couldn’t help the satisfaction. These were hot. So hot you nearly turned yourself on. 

Lucky bastard, you thought

After selecting the images, your finger hovered over the send button. With a deep breath, you bit the bullet and pressed it. Your anxiety wouldn’t allow you to wait for his response, so you put your phone down and hopped into the shower. You would see his reaction when you got out.

_________________

Yoongi hadn’t left his spot on the couch since you left. He spared glimpses at his phone, waiting for you to respond. Every moment that he got nothing, he cursed himself. He was being too thirsty and freaked you out. No way you would agree to this. He didn’t know what made him type out something so blatantly horny, he was embarrassed. Maybe he should apologize. Way to push his luck and make it awkward.

He was just so out of his mind after the assignment, he could barely think straight. He needed a distraction, anything to occupy his mind and not send him down the rabbit hole that was his unchecked fury. It just made no sense. 

There was finally a vibration on his lap, and he carefully looked down to his notifications. 

-------------------------

[3 attachments]

_______: Delete them from our messages after. 

                I expect you to kiss the ground I walk on after these. You’re welcome. 

------------------------

 He opened the message and caught a glimpse of the pictures. He sucked in a quick breath and threw his phone down. 

He looked around the room. The others weren’t paying him any mind. Yoongi slowly picked the phone back up and took in the pictures in all their glory. 

His breathing went shallow as he scrolled and zoomed on the screen. They weren’t just any crude pictures- there was an art to it that made him unable to look away. The curves of your body in the faint glow of the bathroom was delicious. Your body. God, your body. The longer he stared, he found something else to marvel over. He was glad he couldn’t see your face, because the thought of a smirk on your lips was enough to make his imagination run wild. He realized his mouth was hanging open and hurried to fix it. His pants were suddenly tighter, and he shifted to hide the sudden erection that was painfully fighting for his attention. 

-------------------------

Yoongi: goddamn.

-------------------------

It sounded stupid, he knew that. But was there a right way to respond to something like that? No words or emojis would suffice. He was borderline salivating. 

She told him to delete them after. Right. He still had to do that. 

As Yoongi’s finger floated over the button, he found the deed harder to carry out than expected. The thought of sending them to the trash to never be seen again didn’t sit right with him. 

 Instead he found himself saving them to his Cloud app. They would be safe there, hidden amongst his thousands of other photos and documents. You had only said to delete them from your messages to not leave a trace, so this was still technically okay. He couldn’t think about the morality of it for too long or otherwise his conscience might disagree.

He quickly deleted the pictures from your texts and closed his eyes.

“You alright over there?” Seokjin asked, “You’ve been quiet since the mission assignment. But not, like, normal quiet.”

“Yeah, just have a headache,” Yoongi lied, carefully adjusting his throbbing dick in his pants.

“Hey the game’s starting!” Hoseok called, and the boys turned their attention to the TV. 

While the announcer went on the normal spiel, Yoongi’s mind couldn’t escape the photos. For minutes he fought the urge to check his phone, but the growing boner had other plans. One more peek wouldn’t hurt, he argued.

He went to his Cloud, and found the 3 images resting at the top. He clicked them one by one, eyes caressing every pixel. His dick fought even harder against his underwear, begging for his assistance. 

The fever of the game came to a peak when all the boys erupted in cheers. Yoongi jumped in his seat, seeing the others yell as the players ran across the screen. 

It was nearing impossible to think. Yoongi suddenly stood up from the couch. He positioned his phone before the tent in his pants as he walked out of the living room.

“Where you goin? It’s just getting good!” Jimin called.

Yoongi hurried to his bathroom and opened the pictures again. He couldn’t undo his pants fast enough, and when he finally sprang free and wrapped his fingers around his cock he let out a shuttered breath. He stroked himself as he took in the pictures and everything they had to offer. Seeing the space between your thick thighs made precum dribble to his knuckles. He wanted to take you in the shower and feel you for real. He stroked himself faster. 

The way you squeezed one of your breasts in your hands caused him to hold in a moan. The final picture was his favorite. The arch of your back as it led to your ass made his heart beat violently. He envisioned the time he fucked you from the back. The view of it bouncing back on him as you were pressed against the telescope made his eyes flutter close as he felt himself unwinding. He almost missed the toilet paper as he came moments later.

Yoongi took a deep breath and looked at his reflection. He was flushed and drained. It took every ounce of energy and self-respect to fix himself and return to the living room.

“Took you long enough, you missed the best free-throw of the season,” Namjoon said through a mouthful of pizza. 

Yoongi flopped back on the sofa next to Hoseok. He felt dirty, like they could all smell his shame and fresh orgasm.

“Finally a commercial. Their entire defense needs to be benched...dude, are you looking at porn while I’m sitting right here?!” Hoseok screeched.

“What-?” Out of habit, Yoongi had gone to look at his phone again. But upon unlocking it, the image of your ass covered the entire screen. 

Yoongi scrambled to close the app, but his fingers couldn’t work fast enough. In his frenzy he fumbled and dropped the phone onto the cushions.

“Hey, don’t be stingy,” Hoseok said, swooping in and kicking the phone off the sofa before Yoongi could grab it. He leaped away to put distance between them, eyes going wide, “Damn. This isn’t porn. The shitty quality and angle is pointing to personal nudes.”

Yoongi leaped off the sofa and went towards Hoseok.

“Let me be the judge of that,” Jimin said. Hoseok threw the phone across the room, and he plucked it from the air over Yoongi’s head.

Jimin whistled, “Shit...now this is how you take nudes.”

“Jimin. I’m not fucking playing with you give it b-”

“Wait, there’s more!” he cackled, scrolling through the others. He didn’t even look at Yoongi as he evaded him, jumping over the sofa and coffee table. He paused, eyes going wide as he swallowed. “Goddamn. She’s fine. What did you do to deserve nudes like this? Hey, look at this.”

Jimin jumped over to where Seokjin and Namjoon were standing. The oldest shifted to get a better look and Namjoon took his glasses off.

“Sheesh…” Seokjin’s mouth felt suddenly dry, “No wonder why you weren’t watching the game!”

Namjoon licked his lips, “Who’s even sending you these?”

Yoongi stormed over, but the leader took an instinctive step back, “Don’t fucking worry about it. Namjoon, give it back.”

Namjoon looked at the photo and then back at Yoongi, forehead creased with questions. Jimin snatched the phone from his hands.

“Yoongi got a girlfwend?” he asked in a baby voice.

“Give. It. Back.”

He didn’t dare go to Jimin again, he knew he’d only pass it to Hoseok.

“I mean he didn’t say no,” Seokjin added.

“Aww, why so bashful?” Hoseok doubled over in laughter. 

Yoongi stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched by his side. He was nearly shaking with anger, and he met eyes with Namjoon who was the only one not howling like an idiot.

“Jimin, chill out. Hand him the phone back. The game is back on,” Namjoon said.

“Fuck the game, this is the best thing to happen all day!”

“Give it back or I’ll hang your entrails from the ceiling fan. Every single one of you," Yoongi seethed.

“Oh, be realistic. You can’t kill all of us,” he rolled his eyes.

Yoongi reached into the drawer under the coffee table and pulled out a trailing point combat knife.

“I’ll start with you,”

Jimin squinted, “Bullshit.”

 Without hesitation, he threw the blade and made it land squarely in the opposite wall. Jimin touched his ear, and then looked down at his hand to see specks of blood from where Yoongi had clipped him. 

Jimin’s shoulders dropped and after a moment of consideration he tossed the phone over.

“Learn to take a joke, asshole.”

Yoongi’s cheeks burned red, and the others cleared the way as he stomped back to his room and slammed the door.

____________________

You woke up when your head hit the car window.

“Shit,” you breathed, holding the sore spot in your groggy haze.

“Could you hit any more potholes, Jin? Fuck…” Yoongi cursed, sleep coating his voice.

“Wow, finally some company,” Seokjin said, “You’re acting like I made the damn roads, stop complaining.”

The three of you had begun your journey a little over an hour ago. Trees whizzed by your windows, and metropolitan skylines were slowly replaced with endless meadows and forests.  

“Just when I thought we’d seen every inch of this region,” you said, “we end up in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.”

Seokjin snorted, fiddling with the screen on his dashboard, “Heads up, we should be arriving in 5 minutes.”

You went to your weapons case and strapped a few knives and a glock to your belt. From the passenger seat, you looked in the rearview mirror back at Yoongi. His earlier words had been his only ones all day. Even when you had been picked up for the mission, he barely spared you more than a head nod. He sat in his seat, looking out the window at the passing greenery, unblinking. 

You nudged Seokjin and tilted your head towards the man in the back.

Seokjin shrugged, ‘He’s been like that all day,’ he mouthed.

He didn’t look upset, but more pensive than anything. As if he was trapped in his thoughts without a way to escape.

“Alright we’re here,” Seokjin stopped the car on the side of a desolate road in the middle of the forest. 

“Uh...where’s the cabin?” you asked.

“I forgot no one checks the mission coordinates anymore but me,” he sighed, “Well, this is as far as the road will let me go. My GPS is saying the cabin is about half a mile that way.”

He pointed through the thick trees at nothing,

“So you want us to...walk.”

“I know it’s not ideal, but it's not that far.”

The distance wasn’t your issue. From the look of the sky, the sun would be setting in a few minutes, and you would rather not walk through the woods in pitch blackness.

The three of you stepped out of the van. Seokjin grabbed a few drones from the trunk and after pressing some buttons, released them into the sky toward the cabin. He honestly hated the drones, but because the targets likely didn’t have a security system to be hacked, he had to survey the mission with what devices he had. 

“I’ll be checking in,” he waved as you both began the hike, “You got this, piece of cake like always.”

The leaves crunched under your shoes as you walked in silence for a couple hundred meters. The darkness of night was beginning to catch up to you. You felt the animals scurry past your feet in their haste. 

You turned to Yoongi, face overcasted by shadows.

“You okay?” you asked, “You’ve been quiet.”

He didn’t say anything, and you wondered if he would respond at all until he finally muttered.

“I’m fine. Just have a lot on my mind,” he looked straight ahead.

“Is it classes? The mission? It should be an easy one like Seokjin and Mr. Kim said,” you pried.

“I just can’t wait for the day to be over.”

You nodded, “I understand. I was wondering why they dispatched us for this mission, you know? I know that they sometimes like to test different combinations, but having two specialized combat positions for such a small call doesn’t make much sense to me.” 

“I was wondering the same thing.”

“You know The Academy though, it’s probably just some sort of test.”

“Well then that’s pretty fucked up.”

You waited on him to elaborate, but the conversation drifted to another hush. 

 “Well...if you ever want to talk about it, just know I’m here if you feel like sharing.”

“‘kay.”

After a few minutes of painful silence, you both saw a light in the distance. You slowed down, taking in the neglected cabin. The wood was covered in moss, hanging together by a few bolts. It appeared to have been forgotten amongst the woods. You couldn’t imagine life inside.

“She’s a beauty, right?” you said, hidden in the shadows behind the trees, “Jin, we made it.”

“Great. I can see you both. Look up,” you glanced up at the night sky, and a drone came to hover over your heads.

Yoongi ran a hand through his hair, “So there’s three we need to take out. You sure they’re in there?”

“I don’t see anyone, but the lights are on. In the call, Mr. Kim said that they hadn’t left in a few days. From the notes, they just went in with a big crate and haven’t even gone outside since.”

A shadow suddenly went past the window, so quick it was almost unnoticeable.

“I saw someone,” he said.

You checked the weapons on your belt, “You ready?”

He nodded, “Make it clean, make it quick. Let’s go.”

You stalked towards the cabin, mere silhouettes in the dark. 

“That window looks easy to open-” you whispered, but Yoongi was already making his way to the back door. You stopped, confused by his overly eager choice, but rushed to catch up. When you approached the door, Yoongi reared back and kicked the flimsy wood in. It burst open loudly, and you both charged into what appeared to be the kitchen. One of the drones flew inside. A man stood at the stove, bread in his hand as he turned to you both. 

“Now, wait what the f-” 

You recognized his face from the photos. Yoongi began to move towards him, but you were already in motion. With a few quick strides you closed the distance. You took the blade from your belt and made a fluid slash across the throat. It was seamless with no splatters- an angle you had worked to master for some time now. His body slumped down, joining the shadows casted on the wooden floor.

Yoongi looked down at the body, “I had it, you know.”

“Didn’t know you had claimed him, I was just trying to get it done. I’ll let you take the next one,” you said carefully.  

He took in the nearly empty interior. No one else was in sight, and it was quieter than expected. You heard some faint motion close by, though it was hard to pinpoint.

You both slowly rounded the corner to see a door with steps leading downwards.

“Pat, hurry the hell up! We’re gonna start without you!” a voice called from the basement. Soon after came the sound of whimpers and muffled screams. 

Footsteps led up towards you as someone climbed the stairs.

“God dammit, every time. Get down here!” said a man with a buzz cut. He froze when he saw you at the top of the stairs. Before he could react, Yoongi planted a foot in his chest, making the man fall and tumble down the stairs.

You rushed down, stepping over his groaning body at the base of the steps.

“Why wouldn’t you just take him out…then?” you began to ask your squad mate. Your hand was on your belt, ready to take out the man at the bottom of the stairs when you turned to see the rest of the basement instead. You felt your blood run cold at the sight before you. 

In the basement was the 3rd target, a ceremonial mask covering his eyes. He was fiddling with the restraints of a woman sitting naked on the floor. They sat in the middle of a circle painted by what you had assumed to be blood. 

“What the fuck?!” the masked man blurted. He jumped up, running towards a shotgun in the corner of the room. Before he could reach it you threw one of your knives. It landed in his hand, pinning him to the wall.

Yoongi stood by the steps, immobile with wide eyes. You followed his gaze to the woman. Her eyes had been covered with a scarf and mouth gagged with a rag. She cried, balling up on the floor to hide from the new unseen horrors she heard. On her wrist, a red circle glistened under the lights.

“Seokjin...the targets have a victim here,” you said tightly.

“What?!” the drone came down the stairs and paused next to you, “Oh god. The crate. She was here this whole time.”

“What the fuck do we do?!”

“I’ll call the police.”

“Police?! This can’t be a job for the Cleanup Crew?!”

“I’m already dispatching the cops. This wasn’t a part of the plan but they’ll take care of her. Just finish the job and get the hell out of there!”

Yoongi’s breathing was shallow. His legs shook under him as if they would give out at any minute. His vision never broke from the woman, eyes zeroed in with a laser focus. 

Behind him there was a quick motion. The man at the stairs had picked up an axe, ready to swing at your squad mate. Yoongi didn’t move, unaware of his surroundings.

“Yoongi, watch out!” Seokjin warned.

 You reached for the gun in your belt and fired two shots to the man’s forehead. 

The shots snapped Yoongi out of his haze. He jumped, and turned to see the body tumble behind him. He looked at you in awe. 

“I…” he tried, lost for words.

The final man had pulled the knife from his hand and slumped against the wall.

“Who are you?! W-who sent you?!” his voice shook. 

Yoongi faced him slowly, jaw taut and far away. He advanced across the floor, closing the distance between them as the masked man screamed to spare his life.

Yoongi crouched down, eye level with him. He pulled the mask away, exposing a thin face and pleading eyes. Yoongi went for the long knife at his side. 

“Please. Please, I’m begging you…”

Yoongi plunged the knife into the target’s chest. It went deep, piercing his heart. The man’s eyes went out of focus as life left him. Yoongi pulled the stained knife out, but didn’t place it back in his belt. He lurched the weapon forward again and again, stabbing so many times you lost count. He grunted with every dig long after the man had stilled. Crimson slowly spread across the man’s white shirt. 

“Woah, stop!” you screamed. You grabbed his arm and pushed him back, “What the hell are you doing? It’s over!”

Yoongi’s face twisted in pain. He was shaking, looking at the body infront of him with a sense of stunning realization. Time caught up to him and the room realigned in his vision. He closed his eyes to collect himself.

He dropped the knife to grab his head.

The woman on the floor continued to cry, hyperventilating as she tried to force words through the gag. You moved over to her and she flinched. She looked to be in her late 20s- not much older than you if you had to guess. You racked your brain for a solution- you couldn’t take off her blindfold because then she would see your faces. If the cops were coming, you didn’t want to involve her with the repercussions of that, especially when The Academy would be involved. Though at the same time, you didn’t want to leave her stranded and tied up in the house with three dead bodies. 

“Um, you guys, the police are here. They just pulled up about 100 meters behind me and are walking to the cabin now,” Seokjin said, “Get out while you can.”

“Shit,” you breathed. You slowly went to grab the rag from the woman’s mouth, and she craned away, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe. We’re not going to hurt you.”

“Please get me out of here. Please...” she cried.

“Okay, we will! They can’t hurt you anymore. The police are coming. Just let me untie you first,” you went to undo the rope, but paused, “But when I do I need you to stay calm and leave your blindfold on.”

“L-leave it on?” she asked, head whipping from side to side in her confusion.

“Trust me. If you can’t do that, I can’t untie you.”

“Okay,” she said, weakly.

With one glide of your knife she was free. She touched at the mark at her arm and her face contorted in agony at the burn. You could only imagine her suffering those few days.

“We gotta go!” you called to Yoongi, helping the young woman to her feet, “Now!” 

Yoongi eventually pushed himself off the floor with unstable legs. He reached for a blanket hanging from the back of a chair, and handed it to you. You wrapped it around her as you guided her quickly up the stairs and past the men on the floor.

“Wh-who are you? Oh, god. Where are we going?” she struggled to hold herself up, and you and Yoongi supported most of her weight as you walked through the cabin.

“We’re just going outside,” you finally made it to the front porch, and she flinched when she was met with the night chill. You sat her down. Two drones glided outside and into the trees.

“So what now?” Yoongi whispered uneasily, “Do we just leave her here?”

“He said they’re on their way. She-” in the dark you heard rustling and voices. They weren’t too close, but earshot for you was close enough. You bent to her level, “Hey, the police are almost here. We’re gonna leave. Just...don’t uncover your eyes until we do.”

“Wait, no where am I? Don’t leave,” she pleaded.

“We’re just on the porch. We have to. I’m sorry.”

She moved her head to follow your voices, “Thank you. Thank you so much-”

“I see it!” called an officer in the distance.

With a final rub to her shoulder, you and Yoongi jumped off the porch and bolted into the dark forest. Looking back, you saw a group of officers run to the porch to assess her. She had taken off her blindfold and was looking around in a daze.

More officers were coming, and you both tried to run in silence while not being seen by their flashlights. You could barely see your hand in front of your face, the moon above your only guide. You ran hard, trying to not bump into trees while also checking the constellations above for the right directions.

Suddenly a flashlight crossed your vision, and Yoongi yanked you behind a tree. 

You worked to catch your breath and listened for the officers to pass.

“Are we going the right way?” you whispered to him. He didn’t answer, instead looking at you with the same spacey, glazed stare from earlier, “What? And what the hell was that about back there anyway?”  

“You saved my life…” he responded, his voice dreamy. His eyebrows joined together, relaying a focus that he didn’t seem to have. He seemed far away, but appeared to truly see you for the first time all night. 

“Yeah, but Yoongi that wasn’t the question.” 

Using his grip on your arm, he pulled you into him. His lips crashed onto yours in a messy, hard kiss. His hand went to tangle in your hair, knuckles meeting the root. You fought to understand in your haze. He grabbed your waist and tugged your body closer. You could feel the metal of the knives on his belt at your stomach, and it snapped you back.

You pushed his hand down and moved your face away.

“Yoongi, wh-”

 Just then, there was a whiz above your heads as a drone flew above and past you. Both of you watched as it disappeared in the direction of Seokjin’s car. You met eyes again, but this time his expression mirrored the panic you felt. 

“Oh no...” he muttered.

You didn’t want to think too much, only make it back to the car. If you really assessed the situation in your head, you knew you’d crumble. 

You burst out running again, following the drone all the way until you saw the road. It was lit with shining police lights, and you finally saw the van hidden in the line of trees far ahead. When you reached it, you yanked open the door and threw yourselves inside.

“Finally!” Seokjin put the car in drive and whipped the wheel back out onto the road. As he fiddled with the navigation, you watched for any differences in his behavior. He sighed, “That was not supposed to happen.”

“What?” you blurted.

“What? The girl! Was she okay?”

“Okay? No. But the police got her,” you groaned, remembering, “The police. We called the fucking police to the sight of our mission.”

The Academy's Cleanup Crew always came after your missions to get rid of the mess and any evidence the squad may have left behind. The targets always simply “disappeared”. So calling the police to the scene before Cleanup could handle it was a nightmare in it’s own.

“I know, I know. It seems bad and it’s going to be a headache for me later but we had to do it for her. The Academy will probably have to make contact with local law enforcement again to cover our tracks, but they shouldn’t get her involved too much.”

“I really hope so,” you said.

“She...didn’t see you right?” he asked. You shook your head, “Good. That would have been a whole other problem.”

You used the rearview mirror to look at Yoongi. He was expressionless, and Seokjin followed your gaze, “Yoongi, you okay back there? Back at the mission…” you held your breath, “...it seemed like you lost focus. It was a bit of an...overkill, you think?”

You could tell Seokjin was trying to tread lightly. Though you wondered the same, as neither had seen such pointed aggression and bloodlust on a mission. Killing was always matter of fact- one and done. Never something to revel and bask in for too long.

“I just forgot where I was. That’s all,” was his reply.

The landscape turned into city, and Seokjin cursed when he saw his gas was low. He pulled into a dim gas station, and fiddled with a screen on a computer. It showed the woods and the cabin, and you watched as you stormed in after Yoongi kicked open the door.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Just making sure the drones picked up and recorded the feed from the mission,” Seokjin responded, absentminded as he clicked around.

“You recorded it?” you tried to remain calm, but you heard your voice climb an octave, “I thought you just watched in the moment.”

“Yeah I do but I can’t catch everything.”

“So...do you record with all of the drones?”

He snorted, “Duh, I use them to track patterns for my logs, you know that. And with the police involved this time, this footage will be really useful to me and The Academy later.” 

“Of course,” you said, “Jin, I really need to be back home soon, could we hurry.”

He gave you a look, “Uh, sure.”

Seokjin got out to pump the gas and you looked between him and the monitor. 

“Hey! While you’re out, could you go inside the convenience store and get me some chips or something. I’m really hungry.”

He scoffed “Who do you think I am? No. Get it yourself.”

“Please! You’re already outside. The mission took a lot out of me. I didn’t eat all day,” you begged, “Please, I’ll love you forever.”

He took a deep breath, “What flavor?”

“Surprise me.”

He muttered to himself as he walked toward the store. You shot to action, pulling down any tabs to find the right button. 

“Fuck, do you think he saw us?” Yoongi leaned on your seat to get a view of the screen.

“I doubt it. He’s acting too normal.”

“Try that tab!” he reached over you, pointing. Your unease mounted with every word and direction he gave you, “No, not that one! Okay, try that one. Shit, he’s paying at the counter, hurry-”

“Yoongi!” you exploded, “Shut the fuck up!”

“I’m trying to help-”

“You did enough, don’t you think?! Jesus, just...I��ve got it! Give me a break. For fuck’s sake!” 

He sat back down. After exhausting your options, you found a video file with the day’s date on it. You hit ‘Delete all’ and suddenly the video on the screen disappeared. You checked the trash and found nothing. You went to any other obvious folders in the confusing layout of his computer and came up empty.

You looked up to see Seokjin walking towards the car and you quickly restarted the laptop. 

He opened the door and dropped two bags into your lap, “I didn’t know if you liked sour cream and onion or honey butter so I got both. Hey, what happened to my computer?”

“Thanks! Oh, it just restarted out of nowhere. It said something about needing an update and then just turned off.”

“What? No…” when it rebooted he went to his files. He searched in silence for a bit, face etched in confusion, “No, no, no. The footage from today’s mission is gone!”

“Huh? How?” you feigned, going to check for yourself.

“How does that even happen? I was sure I had it saved.”

“Damn, I’m sorry,” you said, “Is that the only copy you have?”

“Unfortunately. This day couldn’t get any worse.” 

He pulled off from the gas station and continued back to the city. The whole time, ranting about his shitty computer and The Academy needing to give him another version. You grunted in agreement, and Yoongi remained silent the rest of the ride home. 

___________________

After dodging her for months, it finally happened.

She couldn’t be more ecstatic when you said you were free for the night, jumping into action immediately with ideas of how to spend your time. It wasn’t like you had much else to do. 

A few days had passed since the last mission in the woods, and you’d like to think you were doing a good job avoiding your squad members. You didn’t have anything against all of them, but being in their presence after the night you had was the last thing you wanted. It was rare to not hang out at least every other day, but the time alone was needed. You saw them in class and went straight home after despite their questions and protests. More and more unread and unanswered texts were piling up in your phone. You knew everything was alright- if they really needed you, you would know. You knew them too well.  According to the text previews, you picked up that they went to grab drinks at the bar about an hour ago. A part of you wished you had gone, but the other knew the break was needed. So on this break, you finally gave Luna a shot. Spending the entire evening with the girl you hadn’t had a conversation longer than 5 minutes with was beyond your comfort zone. 

Luna’s idea was to bake dessert. Consequently, you spent the time shuffling around each other in the small kitchen as she led the whole operation. She did most of the work, and you handed her ingredients as she rattled off. You learned that she was an Environmental Sustainability major. You honestly felt bad. You had been living with the girl for months and didn’t even know what she was going to school for. 

You also learned that she really wasn’t that bad. She talked a lot, but she seemed to mean well. She was an only child like you, was allergic to cats, and hated the head cell biology professor with a passion. When you were both sitting on the living room floor borderline wine drunk and stuffed on cake, she only got more animated.

“He’s the worst! I kid you not, he almost made me drop out!” she cried. Her face was getting redder with every sip.

“Was he just a hard grader?” you laughed.

“Yeah but he also had the nerve to lecture and not share the slides online! If you missed 3 classes you just failed. He would embarrass you if you missed an answer,“ she counted off with her fingers. “Just trash!”

“He had the coffee breath too, right?”

She pointed at you, “Yes! The coffee breath! How could I forget that?! He made me want to break his nose then my own. Wait, did you have him too? What class?”

You shook your head. It felt a bit heavier than usual in your tipsiness, “I didn’t, but my friend Jin did and he said the same thing.”

“Ah, he’s in that group of guys you always hang out with, right?” you nodded, “How did you guys become friends? I’ve always wondered that.”

You shifted“I don’t know, we’ve just known each other for a really long time. We went through our more formative years together and just never let the other go.” 

It may have been the wine, but you felt a pang of regret for ignoring them. Maybe you were doing too much. 

“How can you stand being around them all day? They’re all so...hot,” she said, “You’ve never dated any of them before? Hooked up with them? None of them?”

“N-no, nothing like that. I can’t.”

“You can't?” She raised her brow, smirking, “Ah, so you would if you could?”

“No! They’re like my best friends, I couldn’t do it.”

“Not even the angry looking one that slept over that time?”

You stiffened, “You know about that?”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t know it was a secret. I just saw him leaving one morning and assumed you were dating or something.”

“No, no, it’s not a secret or anything like that,” you rushed, “He had to sleep over because of the bad rain the night before. We’re just friends but its…”

“Complicated?” she asked.

“I mean...,” you laughed, “we’re just not really talking right now. But we’re still just friends.”

She tilted her head, looking at you with a wistful smile, “It's obvious they mean a lot to you.”

“They do. I couldn’t make it without them.”

Luna reached out to twirl a strand of hair between her fingers. Her gaze was suddenly intense as she held your eyes, “________, you’re a beautiful independent woman. You can make it without a man.” 

Her stare was unnerving. The stoniness in her voice made a chill run up your back.

“I know, I’m just saying,” you turned your face away, laughing to hide your discomfort.

Your phone buzzed against your lap and you gave in to check. You wish you hadn’t.

------------------------

Yoongi: you home?

              I know you see my messages

              don’t ignore me

You: why what do you want?

Yoongi: I’m coming by

You: again, why?

Yoongi: I just want to talk

              Pls

------------------------

You put your phone back down and sighed. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear, right? The friend I’ve been avoiding is coming over and it looks like I can’t put it off anymore. I’m sorry...”

Luna pouted, “Ah, I see. Well it’s okay. It was fun to hang out while we could.”

You nodded, “Yeah, this was pretty great.”

There was a knock on the door. It was sooner than you expected. You pushed yourself off from the floor and went to the door. Yoongi stood on the other side, hands in his pockets and looking unusually hesitant.

You didn’t spare eye contact or words as you waved him in.

“Hey!” Luna waved from her spot on the floor. She gave you a knowing look.

You cleared your throat, “Luna, this is Yoongi. You met him before.”

Yoongi gave a tight smile, “Hi.”

“Ah, right! I’ve seen you around before. I went to your apartment that one time, right?”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Um, yeah, that was my place.”

You led Yoongi back to your room and Luna called after him, “Nice to see you again!”

When you closed the door there was an expected silence. You turned to really look at him for the first time. His eyes were glassy and his entire face was tinted-red. You realized he reeked of alcohol. 

You looked him up and down, “Jesus, are you drunk? Do the boys know you’re over here?”

He just shook his head as he walked to your bed. He didn’t usually drink much, and when he did he was always one to at least act the most sober. 

He tossed himself across the mattress, putting an arm over his eyes. He tapped the space next to him, an invitation. You placed your phone on your desk and sat on the edge of the bed. You contemplated calling one of the boys to come get him, but you knew all the questions would be redirected to you. 

“What did you want to talk about, Yoongi?”

“Not yet,” he said. “I just want to stay like this for a while.”

You stared at him, but he stayed still. You went to stand up, and his free hand went to wrap around your waist, pulling you to lay beside him. 

You were pressed against his body and began to push away despite how good him and his sweater felt against you, “We shouldn’t do this. You said you wanted to talk, so what?”

“Please,” he breathed, “Just stay.”

You relaxed, giving in only for a bit. He held on tight, arm still firm around you. You suddenly became aware of the state the wine had left you in. You were doing a better job of holding yourself together than him, but having his arms around you mixed with your own looseness was a combo your subconscious was too eager to accept. His breathing was steady as your ear rested on his chest, and after a while you thought he had fallen asleep. The ceiling fan whooshed above you, and as you waited the hypnotic spin made you lose track of time.

  His voice broke the hush of the room.

“I’m so sorry, ______.”

“You gotta be more specific.”

“I meant what I said. I forgot where I was.”

“Yoongi, I can’t say he didn’t deserve it, but that’s never been us. You know that,” you gulped, “What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” you repeated.

 “I don’t. I went too far. I feel like...like I left myself,” he said in a low voice. Though you were unbearably close, he sounded so far away, “I swear I had no control for the first time ever. It was wrong. I know that. I couldn’t stop.”

“But...why?”

 “I just lost sight of the mission. I put you in a bad place and you had to pick up the slack for my psychotic break, or whatever the hell that was, and I feel like shit for it. Hell, you had to save my life because I couldn’t fucking handle myself,” his voice broke as he desperately pushed the words out. “And the kiss,” he groaned. “I fucked up so bad. And you handled that too. It was a close call and it was all my fault. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. But I want to thank you for stopping me.”

It wasn’t lost on you that he didn’t really answer your question. In all of your years of knowing each other, you never knew him to be someone to lay his heart and regrets plain out on display for just anyone. Whether it was the alcohol or sheer pain that drove him to it, you didn’t know, but it was unsettling. You just wanted to know why. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that.”

“I deserved every bit of that and more. I didn’t hold up my end at all, I just made problems.”

“I meant what I said earlier too, you know.”

“What?”

Your arms went to wrap around his waist before you could stop yourself. He relaxed in your arms and you couldn’t let go. 

“Back in the forest. I’m still here if you need to talk, you know. We’re friends after all, Yoongi. I just don’t want you to hold that shit in if you don’t have to,” you moved your head to look up at him.

A painful smile made its way to him.

Yoongi went to nuzzle his nose in your neck. Your eyes fluttered closed until he whined.

“I wanna stay like this forever.”

You went stiff, “Forever? You know we...can’t.”

“I can dream can’t I?” 

He didn’t seem to get it. If in his dreams he saw you being this way forever, he was more far gone than you believed.

He looked you over again, “You don’t want this forever?”

There was such sadness in his glazed eyes, it would hurt you too to say what you should have said. Instead you stayed quiet.

“I know it's wrong, I know there are rules, but I like us this way.”

“Don’t…”

“Why?” it was his turn to ask, lips grazing your warm neck.

“You know why...we just can’t.”

“But you like to be with me like this too, right?”

You didn’t even have to ask what “like this” meant.

“I don’t think either of us are in the right head space to make that call.”

“Beyond the fucking. This is something we can do more. Hell, is it so wrong to want to hold you?”

“It-it just blurs the lines even more,” you stammered when his nose traced your collarbone.

“Screw the blurred lines. Screw The Academy. I like us like this, _____. And secretly, I think you do too.”

You felt yourself short-circuiting, “I think the lines are important because without them I can’t understand what this is.”

He stopped to search your face again, “Well what do you understand?”

His eyes were so deep. When you answered you were trapped in them, “That I like this more than I should.”

When the answer left you, there was a curse in your sober subconscious. Though seeing his face soften from the wounded mask he wore earlier almost made you forgive yourself. Almost.  

It happened slowly, unlike the others. You watched each other, letting your words hang in the air before the other moved. You were the first to close the distance, Yoongi soon followed. When your lips met in the middle there was no rushed crash, no hurry driven by lust. He held your cheek in the most gentle way. Your lips pressed against his, and for the first time there was no fight for dominance. Your hand went to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer in your already tight position. He rolled himself over you, holding himself up with both hands on either side of your head. Yoongi looked you over for a second before dipping his lips back to yours. 

You rolled over again, your knees on either side of his torso as you straddled him. You grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him again. His hands went to your back, skin burning under his fingertips. You went to grab at the bottom of your shirt, and he stopped you.

“You don’t have to, you know?” he said, eyes searching yours.

“But I want to.”

He moved his hand and you raised your huge t-shirt above your head and discarded it onto the floor.

The look he gave you was one of such unfiltered admiration it scared you. His gaze raked across your naked upper body. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he proclaimed in such a way your face became hot. 

He pulled you down to him again. His large hands traced up your thigh slowly, making you remember your revealing shorts. His touch lit a flame under your skin wherever he touched. Though it wasn’t entirely desire that you felt. This was different. Something that made your chest feel warm and butterflies dance in the pit of your stomach. 

“Was that the front door?” he suddenly asked.

“No,” you quickly dismissed him, groaning when his lips went back to your neck. The growing wetness in your panties was a distraction, but you tried your best to listen through your labored breaths.

He sighed, the puff tickling the sensitive skin. He whispered, nearly soundless “Shit...I just like you so much.”

You froze. 

You slowly pushed yourself up. Looking down at him, even through the alcohol he seemed to know he had crossed a line.

“You what?”

_________________

When Jungkook left the bar with the others, he was surprisingly sober. He had downed 3 beers and a tequila shot without an issue and was actually disappointed. Getting wasted would have been nice considering the trash week of classes he was having and not remembering the grade he just got on his last quiz would have been the cherry on top. 

“What’s been going on with him anyways? You all noticed, right?” Hoseok asked, arm around Namjoon’s shoulder.

“How could we not? He barely said shit the whole night,” Jimin said, “How do you get shitfaced and then get up and leave? That’s just sad.”

“Did he even say where he was going?” Taehyung asked.

“No, but it's not like we have to worry about him handling himself.”

“I should check on him,” Namjoon said, “He’s been acting off for almost a week.”

“Check on _____ while you’re at it. She’s been off too.”

“You sure she’s not just finally tired of us? I wouldn’t blame her,” Seokjin said.

The others were making their way back home and Jungkook stopped to linger on the sidewalk. If he continued down this street and made a right, he’d be at your place, he noted. He suddenly remembered what you owed him.

“What?” Taehyung burped.

“You can go back, I’ll catch up later. ________’s still got my baby.”

“Whatever,” he gave a peace sign and ran to catch up to the rest.

 As Jungkook walked under the dim street lights, he couldn’t help but wonder about you. After Yoongi left the bar, Seokjin had told them that the last mission was a rough one, partially because of Yoongi. This wasn’t new though, you had all seen your fair share of fucked up shit over the years. So it didn’t make sense for you to ignore everyone for days on end over it.

He looked at the texts he had sent you. None of them were opened.

-----------------------------

Jungkook: Stop ignoring me I’m coming over rn

                  U better be home

                   If not im breaking in 😜

-----------------------------

When he finally made it to your place, he pounded on the door. When it opened he readied to walk in, but he stopped when he saw the person on the other side.

“Hi?” Luna asked.

Jungkook forgot she lived there too, “‘Sup?”

“Oh, you’re _________’s friend, right?”

“Yeah, is she here?”

“Yeah, come in,” Luna stepped aside as Jungkook took his shoes off, leaving them beside a pair that was too big for either of the girls that lived there. He didn’t notice, “She might be a little busy though.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows joined in confusion. Like that actually mattered to him, “Uh, okay? Where is she?”

Luna pointed down the hall, “Back in her room.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Luna went back to her own room and Jungkook followed her directions down the dark hallway. He had to stop himself from salivating as he pictured what was soon to be his. He seized the handle of your door and thrust it forward.

“Ha! Can’t ignore me now, can you?”

He blinked a few times thinking something would change. In the time void the bedroom had become, everything stayed the same. 

You were still mounting Yoongi. 

Yoongi still held a handful of your ass. 

Your bodies were still entangled in the sheets. 

You were still topless. 

The scene never changed. 

But Jungkook wished it had. 

Previous     Next

_________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading like always! Feel free to lmk your thoughts 👀

[stanskzseungmin]

LMH ~ Date With Death

gif by: @loeyxluv​

NonIdol! AU

Lee Know | Lee Minho x Reader x Platonic! Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: Angst, Crack, Tiny bit of fluff if you squint

Trigger Warnings: Somewhat graphic descriptions of death

Word Count: 4598

A/N: #NotProofread #WeDyingLikeMEN

A/N: For my love, @okayseungmin​ because I know how much she loves #WeDyingLikeMEN fics, I love you so much, I hope you’re well, I miss you so much <3

~

Dancing was always your passion. For as long as you remembered, you enjoying moving your body to rhythm of songs. The way you felt when the music flowed through your body was exhilarating. You hummed to yourself, nodding softly to the beat of the bassline reverberating through your ear drums from your earbuds. 

It is in the late hours of the afternoon and you were dancing on stage in the empty auditorium. It became a habit of yours to come by afterschool to just dance. Little did you know, you had an admirer from afar.

You jumped a bit on the spot feeling the stage floor colliding with the balls of your feet relaxing your muscles and loosening your legs. The old stage creaked and moaned under your warmups.  Heavy edm and bass were vibrating in your ears. You were in a mood for a more arduous routine. Once your joints and limbs were loosened up, you went at it. Fast and precise movements, intricate and hard hitting footwork, even some acrobatics. The worn wood of the stage struggled to hold itself together after years of use. After a heavy landing, the wood frame and support finally snapped and splintered under the impact. Instinctively, you let out a scream when you felt your foot and ankle become swallowed by the floor and feeling yourself collapsing through the weak wood. You hit your head in the process as you land flat on your back under the stage. You let out a loud groan of pain as you felt your limbs burn and throb from the impact.

"Wow, that was a nasty spill," a male voice chuckled out.

You jolted in surprise from the sudden voice. The action sent you groaning in pain. You felt your head sting and throb from where it impacted with the stage. 

"Did it hurt?" the man smiled with a gummy smile.

You cracked an eye open to meet the dark haired man before you. He smiled at you wholeheartedly as he sat there cross legged.

Your head throbbed in protest as you press a palm to the forming bump.

"Noooooo," you responded sarcastically. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I meant when you fell from heaven?" The male smirked.

"Very funny," you huffed. "Who the fuck are you? And why are you sitting beneath the stage? Are you a troll?"

"I prefer a being from the upside down."

"Nerd," you huffed. 

"I'm Lee Know. Now," he paused, perking up a bit and pulled his crossed legs closer to him with his hands. "I gave you something of mine, now you have to do the same in return."

"You're not getting my name that easily," you stood up slowly and dusted yourself off. 

"How about you give me your heart?" He smiled. The smile he gave was genuine with no signs of ill intent or mischievousness. Even so, you can't help but deadpan at the male.

"I don't even know who you are," you pulled yourself out of the hole and hoisted yourself back up on the stage.

Men.

~

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Lee Know smiled fondly at you.

"Again, Lee Know? How was the crawl up from hell? Because you are insufferable," you grimaced, walking away.

Lee Know smirked at your turned back and he followed close behind joining you at your side. 

"What do you want?" you rolled your eyes at the man.

"Just wanna talk," he grinned.

You scoffed in response.

"Do you like raisins?"

You stopped in place and faced him with your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"What kind of question is that? That isn't someone you would ask for small talk."

Lee Know shrugged. "Guess raisins isn't really your style. How about a date?"

"Oh. My. God!" you exclaimed annoyed. "I can't believe you."

"Ok ok, I'm sorry," Lee Know laughed, his eyes crinkled from his large smile. "On a more serious note though. My phone's being a spaz lately. Can you check it out?"

Lee Know rummaged through his pant pockets to pull out the mobile device and handed it to you.

"I guess, what's your problem?" you examined the phone front and back. It didn't look to be too too damage save the one long thin crack that traveled from the bottom left corner to the top right corner. It didn't look to be too serious where it affected the screen. His lock screen display of 3 cats also proved the screen was functioning perfectly fine. You couldn't help but crack a smile at the adorable furry displays.

"I think it's broken because it doesn't have your number."

You dropped Lee Know's phone on the spot without hesitation.

~

"Dude, check out this new shirt I got. It was on a nice hot sale of like 5 bucks," Lee Know laughed.

"Nice," you replied monotonously without sparing him a glance.

Now a days, you've been spending more time with Lee Know. It turns out that the empty auditorium was both your escape from the stress of life and school. You would mind your own business dancing with earbuds in and Lee Know would sit in one of the many rows of seats, lounging his feet on the seat in front of him and typing away at his phone.

"Dude, seriously check out the material. I had really low expectations due to the price."

"What is it made out of?" you asked, taking a bite out of your apple.

Lee Know set aside the lunch tray to give you a clearer view of his shirt. He looked down with a slight pout as he pulled at the material. He let out a stifled laughed as he looked up to you.

"Boyfriend material," he grinned, obviously proud of his pick up line.

"Ah, I see," you paused momentarily. "Clingy and annoying to deal with."

"Have you started on your computer science project yet?" Lee Know asked, taking a bite out of his macaroni and cheese, totally ignoring your remark.

"Not yet, I was going to do it tomorrow."

"It's due the day after." Lee Know frowned, crossing his arms.

"Procrastination at its finest," you shrugged.

"You want to work on it today at the library then? Like after lunch?" Lee Know offered.

"Yeah, sure. Because I know I'm not going to do it when I get home. Hopefully a computer would be free."

"You could rent out a laptop," Lee Know informed.

"You could do that?"

"Yeah, you just need your library card."

"Oh, dang. I don't have mine on me," you sighed, your shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I have mine. Thank god I do, because I need it to check you out."

"You're seriously annoying, you know that right?" you spat, glaring at him.

"But you love me," he hummed, smirking at you and rested his chin in the palm of his hand as he leaned forward to look deep into your eyes.

"As if. What do you want, so you can shut up," you grumbled.

"A date. Just one. That's all I ask for," Lee Know looked at you with pleading eyes.

You let out a dry chuckle.

"As if. I wouldn't go out with you unless you were the last person on Earth," you glared at him. You grabbed your backpack, slinging it over your shoulder and grabbing your lunch tray before turning to leave.

Lee Know gazed at your turned back with a prominent frown on his face. His eyes held a deep sadness and a familiar clenching pain bubbled within his chest.

You sighed to yourself. You almost felt bad rejecting him in that manner in the canteen in front of other people who probably witnessed your outburst. You weren't entirely opposed to the idea of going out on a date with him to get to know him better. Something about him was alluring. Maybe it was his perfectly styled black hair and parted bangs. Maybe it was his cat like features and a feline like gummy smile. Maybe it was the sound of his laughter and the sight of him doubling over in laughter as his eyes squinted shut and tear up.

Not only that, Lee Know was actually pleasant to talk to when he didn't use bad pick up lines every other sentence. You found out that you both share the same interest and passion for dance. Like you, he had been dancing ever since he could walk. You enjoyed the random freestyle dances you both would do almost everyday. You were impressed at his skill. Never would you have thought he would be a dancer as well.

If only he wasn't so damn annoying with his pick up lines.

A car pulled up in front of you and rolled down the passenger side window. Within revealed a casual dressed man with dark locks looking at you questioningly. 

"Uber for Y/N?" the dark hair male asked from the driver seat.

"Yea, thanks," you smiled politely.

The male smiled softly in return and briefly stepped out. He did a light jog to your side and opened the door for you in the back and gestured for you in.

"Thank you," you bowed your head in thanks, stepping into the car.

"This address, correct?" the male showed you the display on his phone after he returned back to the driver's seat to double check that the address you inputted in your request was correct.

"Yes, that's correct," he nodded in response and started heading towards your desired destination.

"Thank you so much," you stated stepping out of the car and gathering your material.

"No problem, if you ever need a lift, feel free to call again," the man smiled.

Pulling out your earbuds and inserting them into your ear, you played a random song from your playlist. Suddenly, you heard loud tire screeching and honking. You let out a sudden yelp when the loud familiar sound of impact ripped out through the air. With your heart hammering in your chest, you whipped around. The sight before you were two cars that were totaled, one of which was your Uber driver's with the driver side of the car extremely indented in. You could see faint trails of red seeping out of the impact. The other car who had ran the red light had the front of the car done in. The driver of the car was slumped over the wheel. It appeared the airbag hadn't gone off so his head was split open and bleeding. His dull dead eyes seemed to be staring at you as you let out a loud scream.

Suddenly, you were pulled into someone's arms as they turned you away from the sight and clamping a hand over your eyes.

"Shhh, don't look. Don't look," Lee Know's comforting voice whispered into your ear. He pulled you closer to his chest as you heaved and sobbed. The last thing you heard was Lee Know dialing the authorities to report a car crash before you were lost within your sobs.

~

With a protective arm around your shoulder, Lee Know led you into a cafe that was quite a bit from the crash. You were still sobbing and shaking in his arms. He held you up as your knees occasionally buckled and your legs gave out. 

"Move," a gruff voice rang out as he shoved your shaken form into Lee Know.

"Hey, asshole! Watch where you're going!" Lee Know spat at the man. The man turned revealing him to be none other than Han Jisung with a scowl in his face. He and two other practically ruled the school. They were called 3RACHA, they were practically untouchable and every lady wants them and every men want to be them.

"Then don't stand there," Jisung mockingly remarked and waltzed into the cafe without another care in the world.

"Asshole," Lee Know grumbled under his breath watching the jock head into the hallways leading to the back.

Lee Know fished out his wallet and pulled out a couple of bills and placed them into your shaking hands.

"Buy yourself some hot chocolate, ok? Find a seat for the both of us too. I need to use the restroom real quick," he said in a soft voice.

You sniffled and nodded slowly. You watched Lee Know for a bit as he walked off to the back towards the hallway with a hanging sign labelled restrooms.

"Hey, welcome to Yellow Woods… cafe. Y/N?" the sound of the barista's voice saying your name made you jump for a bit. You turned to him and it was Hwang Hyunjin, himself. He was your dance partner for your dance classes every other day, but worked part time as a barista after school. He mentioned he worked part time after school a few times when you tried to set up a convenient time for you both to practice your dance routine or just to dance in general, but he never really said what his job was.

"Are you alright?!" Hyunjin ran around the counter to hold you steady by the shoulders. "Y/N talk to me, you're pale as a sheet and you're shaking so much."

"I'm not… I'm not ready to talk about it," you whispered out, your voice betraying you. The image of the impact and the two dead drivers were still fresh in your mind. You couldn't help but feel that, if you decided to go straight home, you would've in that crash as well. You could've possibly died. Your eyes welled up at the scary thought. You always feared death, so you lived life to the fullest.

"Ok… ok…" he spoke out softly and slowly to not overwhelm you. "You know, you can talk to me whenever you feel ready."

You nodded softly.

"Do you need anything?"

"Just… two hot chocolates…" you whispered out and you held out the bills Lee Know handed you with shaky hands.

Hyunjin gently clasped your shaky hands in between his much larger ones. 

"No need. It's on the house. It's the least I could do," Hyunjin smiled softly, prompting you to smile back.

"Uhh," Lee Know's voice rang out through the air. He gazed at both your clasped hands as you smiled at each other in close proximity with an unreadable expression.

Hyunjin quickly released your hands and turned to him.

"Hello, you both can choose anywhere you like," Hyunjin stood to the side and gestured to the empty seats with an arm outstretched. "Your drinks will be ready in a minute."

Lee Know nodded and led you to a corner seat under the sun's rays. You sighed in content feeling the warmth of the sun.

"You alright?" He asked softly.

Not trusting your voice, you nodded.

"Here are your drinks," Hyunjin came over with two mugs of hot chocolate, each dolloped with a neat swirl of whipped cream. He gently set the mug in front of you both and pulled out a couple of napkins from his apron and setting it before you both.

You both thanked him as he walked away.

"So… who was that?" Lee Know didn't want to intrude or sound imposing, but he believed it was a better option to get your mind off of things with small talk.

"He's Hyunjin, my dance partner in class," you spoke, cupping the mug in your hands feeling the warmth spreading to your fingertips. "We're not that close, but he's a nice person with a big heart. We tried to get together and dance for the hell of it afterschool, but he's always busy with his job."

"I see, we could dance together if you want?" Lee Know offered with a small smile.

You let out a small huff after taking a small sip of your beverage. "You seemed perfectly fine being occupied by your phone every time we're there."

"I was typing out a paper about the finer things in life. You know because I don't procrastinate like you," Lee Know chuckled.

You shook your head at his attack.

"I was wondering if I could interview you," Lee Know grinned. 

"Oh my gooodddd, stop," you whined.

Lee Know smiled at you fondly. He couldn't help but find your whine absolutely adorable. You both spent the rest of the time chatting away the rest of the afternoon with small talk and many many bad pickup lines. Lee Know helped get your mind off of the gruesome accident. The sun began to set behind the horizon. The fading light dyed the skies and clouds a brilliant mix of red and orange as the birds began to settle for the day.

Taking that as a cue to leave, Lee Know spoke up. "It's getting late. Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Yes, please," you whispered.

Lee Know nodded as you both stood up with the empty mugs in your hands as you headed to Hyunjin at the front counter.

"You didn't have to bring it up," Hyunjin spoke out, taking the mugs in his hands.

"It's alright. We don't mind," you whispered out. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"I'll see you tomorrow," Hyunjin stood up to hug you over the counter. Hyunjin turned away with the mugs in his hands to place them in the sink. When he did, he felt a wave of fatigue wash over him and he suddenly became very dizzy. His legs stumbled a bit as he dropped one of the mugs, the glass shattering on the tiled floor. His other hand flew to the counter to catch his balance.

"H-hyunjin!" you called out grasping his arm gently.

Hyunjin blinked rapidly and shook his head lightly to get rid of the dizziness. He turned to you and let out a lighthearted laugh.

"Whew. Stood up too quickly and got dizzy," he laughed, turning away and placing the other mug in the sink and grabbing a broom to broom away the broken pieces of glass.

"Are you ok?" you asked. 

"Yea, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" Hyunjin smiled warmly and turned his attention back to brooming away the broken glass.

Once Lee Know and you were gone and after he heard the bell on the door ringing as you left, Hyunjin frowned. Hyunjin let out a whine of pain. His hand flew to his hammering chest. The pain felt unbearable. His lungs and heart felt constricted as if his rib cage was contracting and squeezing him from the inside through and through. He let out a shaky gasp as he reached for the counter trying to catch his breath. His legs gave out sending him forward into the counter and ultimately falling to the floor. His flail arms sending most of the items on the counter top to the floor as well. Hyunjin convulced and shook on the floor, his eyes rolled to the back of the head as drool came out of his lips before falling limp with his mouth wide open in a silent scream.

Coincidentally in a similar position, in back restroom in one of the stalls was Han Jisung. From the outside, you could see his spread legs and a hanging arm, but within, Jisung shared a similar fate. He was slumped over the toilet with his head thrown back. His eyes were wide open with his pupils rolled fully to the back of his head and his mouth was slightly gaped open.

The police couldn't detect any foul play. No sort of abnormal physical trauma, so strangulation wasn't an option. A clean tox screen so poison wasn't an option. The two males were perfectly healthy. Neither of them drank or did drugs or have any pre existing illnesses. They just… died.

Hwang Hyunjin and Han Jisung weren't unique cases. Several other people died in the same manner. There were no correlation or causation; several people were dying out of the blue with no connection to one another yet it all seem to gravitate closer and closer to home.

"Are you tired?" Lee Know asked with a protective arm around your shoulders.

"A little bit," you whispered.

"You must be exhausted, because you've been running in my mind all day," Lee Know laughed.

"Stooop," you whined. "You're so annoying."

You both let out a gasp once you've turned the corner on your block. Outside your house, more specifically your neighbor's house, were several emergency vehicles parked in front with some spillage over onto your front lawn. 

"Wh-what happened?" you breathed out, running out of his arms towards your parents who were standing outside the barricade. Lee Know followed close behind. 

"Hi, sweetie," your mom hugged you. 

"Poor thing, the elderly couple have sadly passed away," your dad started. "They were pronounced dead on arrival."

"Are you alright? Who is this?" your mom asked.

"He's a friend. This is Lee-"

"Hello, I'm Lee Minho," he bowed politely introducing himself.

"Min-Minho?" you mouthed at him. He gave you a look that said to not say anything.

"He walked me home," you looked back at your mom.

"Thank you so much. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"I don't want to intrude," Lee Know bowed apologetically.

"Nonsense, it's the least we could do for walking our child home," your dad butt in.

You both awkwardly chuckled looking at each other.

"So, what do you do, Minho?" your dad asked.

"Oh, I, uhh, I dance," Minho sputtered.

You chuckled inwardly seeing the change of personality. When Lee Know was with you, he was outgoing and confident. Lee Know now was so meek and quiet and looked ready to crap himself.

"Oh, so do you dance with Y/N, then?" your mom asked.

"Uhh, at times," Minho chuckled awkwardly. 

"Yea, we do. We freestyle sometimes in the auditorium afterschool," you added on, saving Minho. 

"Are you courting Y/N, Minho?" your dad asked causing you both to choke on your drinks. 

The awkward silence [by Stray Kids] that followed weighed in the atmosphere. The only noise that could be heard was the clattering of the utensils across the plates and the TV in the corner of the kitchen playing the daily local news.

"... two found dead at Yellow Wood Cafe, adding onto the string of recent abnormal deaths," the newscaster stated in a neutral professional tone.

You turned your attention to the small screen in the corner that displayed the smug face of Han Jisung and the soft smiling face of Hwang Hyunjin.

"Oh my god," your hands flew to cover your gaping mouth as your face contorted and weeped. "Oh my god, Hyunjin, why?"

Hyunjin was fine when you last saw him. He was smiling and laughing just hours before save the strange dizzy spell he told you not to worry about. 

"Dear? Are you ok?" your mom quickly stood from her seat. The chair leaned back and clattered against the tiled floor.

"Dad?" you called out in earnest.

Your father heaved. He stood up and slouched over coughing profusely. Parts of his dinner was caught in his throat. He hacked and choked trying to get the food item out but to no avail. His hands flew up to his throat as he clawed and scratched at the flesh there.

"Minho, call the ambulance!" your mom ordered in a panic.

Minho quickly ran to his backpack in the corner and began rummaging through his backpack.

"Lee Know!" you nagged him.

"I'm looking for it, I can't find my phone!" Lee Know stumbled over his words as he rummages through his backpack even more. 

"M-mom!" you reached out.

Suddenly your mother fell to her knees as well. Her hands flew to her chest as tears ran down her cheeks. She gasped and wheezed as well. Sooner than later, both of your parents were on the ground gasping and wheezing for air.

"LEE KNOW!"

"I'M LOOKING!"

You turned back to your parents. "Mom, dad! Stay with me!"

Tears were streaming down your face as you tried to keep yourself together. You felt your world falling apart when your father fell flat on his back, his arms falling limp at his sides as he let out a final weak breath and his eyes went dark. Your mom began convulsing and shaking. Her eyes were fully rolled to the back of her head exposing the whites of her eyes as drool dribbled down her chin. Soon, all that was left of your mom was light tremors. Mainly from her nerves, but she herself has passed on.

"No!" you wailed grabbing at your mom's shoulders and alternating between her and your dad, trying to shake them awake.

"Lee Know!" you sobbed.

Lee Know stepped within your vision. His feet came into view by your parents' heads. You looked up to him begging for him to help in anyway. You gasp looking at his blank expression. Within a hand was his backpack and with the other hand, he pulled out his mobile device.

"W-wait, so… you knew where your phone was the entire time?" you sobbed, feeling betrayed.

"Yes," he responded. His voice was unlike all the other times. His voice usually was soft, yet headstrong and passionate but lighthearted and pleasing to the ear. Now, it was as if darkness was dripping from his voice. His tone was monotone, almost cruel and cold.

"W-why?" you sobbed.

Lee Know simply released the items in his possessions, dropping it to the floor with a light clatter.

"I only did the terms you set," he smirked menacingly.

"W-what?" 

Letting out a light chuckle, Lee Know fixed his gaze on you; he tilted his head mischievously as you saw a glowing red iris peeking through his dark fringe making eye contact with your wide ones. A dark mist began flowing from the sleeves of his hoodie and his jeans. The dark fog surrounded his body and seemed to condense and come together to something similar to distressed fabric. The dark black fabric draped over his body loosely as a hood formed around his head. His menacing red eyes stared you down as the flesh of his face seemed to dissipate into fog exposing bits of bone underneath. Finally, within his hands, a long dark scythe appeared. The blade was rounded and curved made with what appeared to be a fine silver with the hilt delicate curved.

"W-what are you?" you sobbed out, crawling away from him. Fear wracked your body as your heart hammered in your chest.

"Me?" Lee Know chuckled. "I'm the grim reaper."

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"You already know why," he let out a sultry chuckle.

You let out a loud gasp. Your eyes widen as you felt your heart skipped a beat. The entire world seemed to weigh down on you and you found it difficult to move a single limb.

"I'd always admired you from afar. I was always nearby anticipating your impending death, but watching you on that stage reminded me of… me. You reminded me of the days where I danced on stage, before I died… from the accident," Lee Know paused, as if he was grieving over his lost life. "You would've died as well, you should have died if it weren't for my interference. When you fell, your head came into contact with one of the supporting beams, breaking your neck, but I saved you."

You finally realized upon looking at his sickly smile.

"Now, I did this favor of saving your from death. It is only fair if I get what I want, yes?"

"I wouldn't go out with you unless you were the last person on Earth."

[imadeletingmysocials]

My scores for E3, because apparently now i’m a dumb 4channer who thinks this /v/ meme shit matters, like it’s not gonna affect sales or anything it’s pointless as all hell [this is lenghy, but hear me out ok]

EA: 

4/10 - people will probably play the games regardless of how shitty this presentation was but... It felt pretty insulting. 

Battlefield V is probably gonna make a lot of money regardless cuz people like war games and it seems pretty well done, the more footage they have shown seemed better than their weird advertizement that made world war 2 seem very wacky, which honestly regardless if you’re a sexist neckbeard or not, seemed like a poor advertizement move. 

TinyBuild:

No one watched this lol and it was just 1 GAME and a fun cute musical that made people who aren’t strong enough to musicals die, 6/10 because it made nerds die and their song is catchy, i dont really care about their 1 game.

Microsoft:

 9/10 - I'm giving this much of a high score because I would play practically almost all of these games showcased (they’ll probably be available on PC which I’m biased for cuz I have a gaming PC), no kidding, I pretty much liked everything I saw and it was fairly straight to the point. Many gamers don’t appreciate the finer details of each game and think they’re generic but that’s just fanboys who haven’t played a single game outside of their favorites. 

Also my cousin uses those Xbox One netflix rip offs that gives you games so i’m happy for him. The presentation had a lot of diamonds in the rough games that will I will probably appreciate more over time (they might even become cult classics like Metro or Dying Light) than any of other games at other e3s. As for the stuff I won’t be playing: It’s mostly harmless so eh.

There was an abundance of trailers! It was like one after the other, pure goodness, it seems as if they left out all of the Sports games to EA to present and the only thing they showed that might not be anyone’s cup of tea was “Forza”, but honestly? I appreciate it, it seems like a good racing game even if I’m not one to buy racing games.... But the more you think about the number of good games presented, the less you’ll think about that, I mean they showed DEVIL MAY CRY 5!!! 

...The Funko Pop game made me scream though.

Bethesda: 

8.5/10  I cannot deny that these are games I will want to play regardless if they’re good or not. Sad to see nerds not enjoy the opportunity to meet ANDREW W.K. but I’m glad all of the divisions they own are making sequels to stuff I already like, so pretty much Bethesda played it safe.

Devolver Digital:

 8/10 It’s like that one b-movie film your college students made and you had a laugh with creating.

Square Enix: 

5/10 seriously, 30 minues of just trailers? Most of which we saw?? I guess it could be worse but who uses E3 screentime for mostly MMORPG deals! The new stuff was too vague to be excited about too.

Ubisoft: 

7/10 - I liked it when they made funny quirky things and their games are probably gonna be okay like usual, Ubisoft has dedicated fans that like their collectathon games they release every year, and it’s usually that one game you play when you’re bored and got nothing else, it’s okay. 

Gamers hate fun and dancing and all that stuff but I kind of find stuff like that exciting, while nerds who never went outside and who are sensitive as all hell to any representation of fun find it “cringey”. A panda dabbed, and that settles it, Ubisoft was the only E3 Brave enough to dab this year. 

PC Game Conference (it was fairly long):

I know none of you watch this one cuz y’all fake as hell but listen... Fuck you LOL, these are the type of games people actually play over 400 hours and really get people’s money. Like these are games built to last that might be on the best-selling Steam front page for MONTHS, like how Frostpunk was comfirmed last year during this conference, PC Gaming has been known for sleeper hits that nobody knows about (because the attention goes to cinematic experiences on consoles most of the time) but suddently everyone’s playing it. 

PC gaming has always been an alternative lifestyle and seeing as many people didn’t watch this one, that just proves the point that it still relatively alternative. Maybe it’s because everyone sounds dumb as fuck when saying “PC GAMER MASTER RACE” and acting like an elitist. 

The PC Gaming conference is always more of a talk show than a regular E3 which is why I respect it every year, fuck the hyperactive gamers that just wanna see flashy trailers, this one’s more SOPHISTICATED!! It feels a lot more human and less artificial. Either way, lot’s of what you might’ve expected: Simulators and Survival games you’ll probably spend 3 years playing until they make a better minecraft clone. 

Gamers like to act as if they’re tired of Battle Royale (already? It’s a new fad it still is here to stay for a little more) but the numbers and success of it doesn’t lie that it isn’t a fad that proves itself to be highly tempting to try out for developers. Go cry to valve that they didn’t release Half-Life 3 cuz you haven’t played any other FPS game without even researching that Valve pretty much fired all of it’s developers and you’re just being annoying.

I feel as if I need to comment what I saw at this e3 cuz nobody watched, they made a mod I liked from skyrim into a fully-ass game, they’re rebooting Star Control which not a single gamer today knows of, the HP Lovecraft open world detective game also seems very good. YAKUZA IS COMING TO PC!!!!!!!!! Killing Floor 2 stuff, Road Redemption stuff, SHARK RPG, cute indie games, Jeff Goldblum was there, Wall-E with a gun in VR which seems to have promissing good vr design by Insomiac games (yes the spyro people), 2 games about Taxi driving... Like sure I think it’s a good format for story telling but.

A cell-shaded art game, star citizen is still being made, and it’s gone to the point nobody really wants it anymore even if it’s... Still being made you know? So most guys are wrong that it was gonna be canceled. After that was the technical graphic card stuff which gamers don’t have enough capability to understand, stuff like 9k laptops that SELL a lot mind you. Rich people love that technical stuff. 

A space defense sim game, Don’t Starve Sequel, Just Cause 4 detailed explanation of the engine, Overkill’s The Walking Dead gameplay which has been in development hell for years now now has a release date, I discovered Clementine’s voice actor is white... Go figure, a literal pixelated roguelike (not what you think it is, it’s Noita), 

Theme Hospital REBOOT!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! And the doctors were cute. Probably one of the funniest games presented... Followed by REALM ROYALE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That harvest moon clone with a cute art style is still being made: Ooblets, no release date sadly. Anno is still going, cyanide and happiness still exists? and they’re making a battle royale? lol okay. How was Hitman 2 not announced during Square Enix?? Anyways it’s here at the end, the trailer was amazing and it’s coming out this year. 

I don’t have that much strong feelings because it’s just a normal conference and not a special one you know? But I’ll give it a 8/10 or 7/10 im not sure cuz I seem to like most games and I found Frankie cute.

Sony: 

Yo usually Sony makes like a huuuuuuuge thing about their conferences (like this year they didn’t even showcase indie games) but this year they started from a church for the sake of immersion?? It reminded me a little of their first E3s during the 90s, and it almost felt like a indie gathering for musicians, I swear to god, Sony is borderline experimental trying to balance out their E3 across stages. Jeb played the banjo and people just ACCEPTED it... AND THEN someone played some JAPANESE FLUTE? aRT. It might come off as a bit arrogant for some tho.

Nerds hated it and thought it was bizzare, which is why it means it’s good. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH BITCHES. Anyways could have been a little more fast-paced... But then again when it was fast-paced it was just like: Huh? What was that? I’m a big Resident Evil Fangirl, RE2 was my childhood but ignoring that for a sec: finally, Death Stranding gameplay, remins me of shadow of the colossus but post-apocalpytic, survival horrorish and abstract sci-fi.

 Kind of feels more Metal Gear than MGSV did already Cuz Norman Reedus sounds like snake a lot more than the 24 hours guy, and because from what I’ve seen in the footage, someone acts like Otacon to “Sam”. I think most now can figure out the plotpoints of this game with what has been established. I might be a bit sad at the fact that this will be a PS4 exclusive just like Metal Gear Solid 4, which I still haven’t played fully because it’s PS3 exclusive and I only have a gaming PC. 

Also this E3 was surprisingly entirely SINGLE PLAYER, I sorta don’t believe in the “single player doesn’t exist” myth honestly, especially now. I’m not sure if that makes Sony’s E3 better or worse, maybe it needed more variation, like I’ve commented, usually they have an indie showcase which this year did not. There were few games shown but for what it was worth, it’s still interesting... But yeah just 5 games? No Spyro? (easy picking), nothing extra? I can understand why many people felt this E3 was upsetting.

8/10.

Nintendo

Here it is, the most overhyped developer of all of E3, the source of “Nintendo wins E3 by doing nothing” memes because Nintendo fans really don’t care about anything except Nintendo and then act surprised when they only care about Nintendo when they try to be a little more open-minded (and fail) even if other E3s probably make more games built to last in comparisson, cuz we gay people only care about NINTENDO YOU KNOW? Shade asside... 

I was pleasantly surprised this E3, it wasn’t just a series of okay at best releases, a strong 9/10. 

tHAT WAS WHAT I WROTE IN PREPRATION....

BUT THEN???? IT WAS JUST THAT??? NO PRIME 4 NO ANYTHING LIKE JUST 3 GAMES BASICALLY? (maybe there was 5 games but eh) I mean smash is good.. It’s pretty much just an update of the last smash, every character is REALLY FUCKING GOOD BUT.... JUST THAT? jeez.. Like, the only stuff I wanted from it was Mario Party and Smash... Okay maybe that 1 Mecha game. Also I guess fornite is now on Switch but I can play that anywhere else really.

I guess a 7/10 is all I can give to just Smash, if there was a little more I’d give it a 9/10 for sure but... ehh Just Smash? jeez, fuck... i MEAN I kind of get it, Nintendo doesn’t do “e3″ normally, they usually do 1 big game at E3 and then wait a couple of months to do that little seasonal announcement thing they do across the year, ugh.. Okay. Yeah I guess i shouldn’t have expected much. Still isn’t it weird that Miyamoto was in Ubisoft’s E3 but not this one??? what!

Anyways

[zaney-hacknslash]

Hakkai’s Birthday

           Skeptically, I looked at him. “I think this may be a bad idea.”

           Looking more mischievous than usual, Gojyo grinned back at me. “Why? It’s your birthday.”

           “Yes, but consider what happened to you on my last birthday.”

           With a short pause, he rubbed the back of his neck and then admitted, sheepishly, “I don’t remember.”

           “That’s no surprise.” I, of course, remembered clearly, but I decided to exclude some of the messier details, and said, “You drank your weight in hard alcohol, threw up nearly twice that amount—somehow—and passed out in the back yard.”

           “Yeah, because it was your birthday.”

           It bothered me that what I’d just said didn’t bother him in the slightest, so I shook my head, wonderingly, and said, “All I’m saying is that I would much prefer a quiet evening to myself, and perhaps some sake and cards, later, at a more appropriate hour. It’s only just five, you know.”

           Gojyo frowned. “That’s so boring though.”

           “To you, perhaps. To me, it sounds just right.”

           “C’mon, Hakkai, be nice—it’s your birthday.”

           I raised an eyebrow. “So you keep reminding me. Pray tell though, why do I have to be nice to you on my birthday? I should think it would be the other way around.”

           Gojyo shrugged and took a quick drag off his cigarette. “I just mean I don’t wanna fight with you about what happened last year anymore.”

           “Yes,” I smiled. “Losing gets quite tedious, doesn’t it?” I hoped he really would let the issue lie now. Every year he saw fit to harass me on my birthday, ignoring the fact that I’d rather keep to myself. I supposed he failed to consider that, once, I’d had a twin, and she’d been everything to me, and that I’d lost her. How could I possibly enjoy anything even resembling a celebration? Particularly when his way of celebrating was so distasteful to me.

           Trying to sound apologetic, I added, just so he’d really understand, “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’d rather not spend my evening watching you get hammered and then babysitting you through the rest of the night.”

           His otherwise perpetual grin melted at once into a scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

           “Well, it’s just that…if we start drinking now, I’m sure I’ll be carrying you to bed around midnight.” That would be the least of it, I knew. I’d also be holding his hair back while he was sick, and I expected I’d be cleaning up vomit at some point, and frankly I didn’t want to indulge his drunken prattle either, nor tolerate his incessant complaining the following afternoon. I couldn’t even guess how many times I’d have to pick him up off the floor.

           However, I kept those thoughts to myself.

           Just as quickly as it came, the scowl was gone, and the grin was back. “Not if you’re hammed too.”

           “Gojyo,” I sighed, losing patience. “For two years now, you’ve done everything you could think of to get me drunk on my birthday, and for two years you’ve failed. Isn’t that enough?”

           His eyes gleamed with sudden and rather disquieting triumph. “This year’s different, Hakkai. ’Cause I got you a damn sweet birthday present.” And then, with a flourish, he produced a large, green bottle from inside his jacket, and thrust it toward me. “Tah-dah.”

           Reluctantly, I took it and looked it over. “Absinthe Verte.” I sighed and shut my eyes for a long moment. “Please tell me this is a joke.”

           “Nope. Happy birthday!”

           I opened my eyes again to give him an equally long, disapproving look. “Do you have any idea what this even is?”

           “Some western, import thing, right? Cost me an arm and a leg. Check it out though—I’ve heard it’s bad ass: seventy-five percent alcohol. I heard it makes you hallucinate, and all kinds of crazy shit—it’s gotta get even you fucked up.”

           It was very difficult now to keep my frustration to myself, and I knew that meant I absolutely had to remain calm. Still, I rubbed my forehead wearily. Of all the idiotic…

           Forcing a smile to my face, I reminded him, “Oh, but I was so looking forward to the new rice cooker and gardening tools I requested. Weeks ago. When you came hounding me about what I wanted.”

           “What, you scared you might actually get drunk?”

           I hesitated to look the bottle over again. It seemed common enough, with its French label and its thick glass. The graphic of a naked fairy woman winked back at me, simultaneously coquettish and risqué. Still, it had been rumored to drive men mad, back in the day, and I couldn’t deny its potency.

           “Not at all.” I handed it back to him, abruptly, and I could feel the smile threatening to fall jaggedly from my face and collapse into a frown. “I just think this is more along the lines of something you would want for your birthday. So you may as well keep it, and save me some outrageous amount of money.”

           Gojyo looked a bit put-off at being so utterly denied. “Oh, come on, really? You’re not even going to have like a shot of it.”

           “You don’t shotgun absinthe, Gojyo, and no, frankly, I’m not interested.” I said the words, but I couldn’t deny I was curious. If nothing else, it was something I’d never tried before.

           “That really hurts, man. I spent a lot of money on this.”

           I shot him a sharp look. “Don’t try to guilt trip me. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen, or that you spent too much money.”

           Looking half-way to devilish, he smiled again. “Admit it, you’re scared. You haven’t been drunk in years, and you don’t remember what it’s like, so you’re freaked out to try this really cool, foreign, green shit.”

           At that, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. Here I’d always thought that someone who purchased a bottle of absinthe would be cultured and sophisticated.

           “Well, you don’t want any. Fine. I get it. I’d be scared too if I was turning twenty-two and I hadn’t been drunk in years. But I’m not wasting my money.”

           My stomach tightened with outrage at the sound of his obnoxious tone. That was the voice he always used when he wanted to peer-pressure me, and I hated it, because I could never quite predict whether I was going to give in before he did or not.

           For one thing, in the face of my birthday, with memories of Kanan lingering in my head more tangible than usual, I couldn’t deny abandoning myself to the recklessness of intoxication sounded inviting.

           That was certainly a bad reason to get drunk, so I did my best to stay strong, and I tried not to sound too irritated. “I’m not scared, Gojyo. Not for myself, at least. Though I am a bit nervous about what the notorious green fairy might do to you.”

           “Let’s find out.” Before I could think to stop him, he was popping the bottle open, tilting it back to take a swig.

           My eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. “Gojyo.”

           He made a face. “Tastes weird.”

           “You aren’t supposed to drink it like that.”

           “Who says?”

           “No one. Just culture.”

           “You can though, right?”            “You can, yes. But it’s not exactly the right way.”

           He shrugged. “There’s no wrong way to get smashed. C’mon, man.” He offered me the bottle. “Just live a little.”

           I glared at the bottle, and the flirtatious fairy simpered back at me. Her eyes were green, like Kanan’s.

           Sighing, I took the bottle from his hand and sat down at the table. “I need water, sugar, and an absinthe spoon. Not to mention an appropriate glass.”

           From the grin on his face I could tell he was trying very hard not to gloat about his victory. “What’dya wanna wreck it for?”

           “That’s the right way to drink it.”

           “Yeah, if you’re Earnest Hemmingway, or whoever.”

           I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.

           His shot up as well. “What?”

           “I’m surprised you know who that is.”

           Gojyo laughed, “I don’t!”

           Sighing, I turned the bottle around on the table in front of me, trying to make sense of the French words, but that wasn’t a language I was familiar with, and I could only make out a handful of them. Of course, the recipe for Hemmingway’s notorious death in the afternoon was on there, but we had no champagne either.

           “C’mon, Hakkai.” Gojyo slammed me on the shoulder. “Let’s get the knot out of your panties—just for tonight.”

           “On your birthday,” I muttered, “we’re going to do what I want to do.”

           And then I tossed the bottle back.

             I stared up at the clock, and its blurry face stared back at me. I blinked, trying to make sense of the time. Next, I stared down at the absinthe bottle, where the green fairy seemed to dance, even though I had thought Gojyo tore the label off long ago. When I studied the fridge, I saw it tacked up there, swaying in a graceful rhythm. Our absinthe was more than halfway gone, but I couldn’t account for where it had disappeared to. I looked up at the clock again, watching the minute hand go around, seemingly backwards.

           “Dude,” Gojyo called. “What’s up?”

           Slowly, I turned to him. There were two of him now, and I didn’t know if I liked that. Two Gojyo’s meant twice as much mess and twice as much chaos.

           “Is it really almost eleven?”

           He twisted around in his chair to face the clock as well. “Tha’s what it says. Hey, you were tellin’ me somethin’.”

           “Where on earth did the last six hours go?” I gazed down at the bottle between us again, scowling at the green fairy, and she beamed, as if she knew where the time and the drink had gotten to, but wouldn’t tell. I still couldn’t understand how she could be in two places at once.

           “We’ve been sittin’ right here.” Gojyo leaned back in his chair, blowing smoke rings. “What were you tellin’ me?”

           “Oh…” I did my best to wade back through my thoughts, but they seemed hazier than usual. “I was telling you about my eighteenth birthday, when Kanan and I went to the… Where did we go?”

           “Some museum.”

           “Ah, yes, the museum.” When I thought back, I could picture that day easily—late September, and the leaves were changing, blowing across the streets of the city. There’d been a distinct scent of fall in the air, and the wind had whipped Kanan’s loose hair. She’d worn her prettiest dress, and I could almost remember the warmth of her hand in mine. “It was the science museum, if I’m not mistaken. We had lunch in the food court there, and then we spent the whole day getting lost in the exhibits. I remember she really enjoyed the animal displays…especially the foreign ones, like the African ones. Do you know how dangerous the hippopotamus is? It’s possibly the most dangerous animal in the world. Fortunately, we don’t have them here. Of course we have plenty of creatures that are terribly dangerous as well. Animals are strange. You know, I think the ones who don’t kill for food—take the moose, for example—are particularly deadly, because when they take it into their head to attack you it isn’t because they’re hungry. A hungry predator might let you go simply because it’s recently made a separate kill, but things like moose and hippos must have some entirely different reason for attacking human beings. It seems they’re simply irascible. If you encounter one, you have such a likelihood of being killed for no particular reason. And on the other hand, there are so many animals that are willing to cooperate with man—such as the Indian elephant, or the camels of the Sahara, and God I’m talking a lot, aren’t I? Why am I telling you any of this?”

           Gojyo burst out laughing. He laughed so hard I worried he’d fall out of his chair. “Damn, dude, I don’ remember! I think I asked ya what your best birthday ever was.”

           “Oh, that’s right. Well, in any case, it was the day at the museum with Kanan. She treated me, of course—she was quite a lady when it came to things like that—she even paid for my lunch and for ice cream from the stand outside. She was a true lady.”

           Picturing Kanan standing out in front of the marvelous museum, indelicately licking a strawberry ice cream cone while the wind tossed her hair and skirt around, made my small heart ache unbearably. I downed another large gulp of absinthe and then blinked at Gojyo. “What about you?”

           “Me?” he echoed, sounding caught off guard.

           “Yes. What was the best birthday you ever had?”

           He chuckled, starting a new cigarette. “Hakkai, ya don’ even wanna know ‘bout that. There’s a ton of sex in that story.”

           “And that’s what made it the best? Obscene amounts of sex?”

           “Unprotected sex,” he added, smirking at me.

           “That’s gross,” I decided, taking another swig of absinthe. It really did taste terrible. I looked around, not for the first time, trying to think of some way to improvise the sugar water I would need to make it right. “This is terrible, don’t you agree? This must be one of the top five most disgusting things I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

           Gojyo grinned, leaning closer, eyes gleaming with intoxication and cheekiness. “Tell me what the other four are.”

           “None of them are what you’re thinking of.”

           He fell back at once, laughing harder than ever. “Hakkai! Shit, man, I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout dick! Fuck, you’re nasty!”

           “I said that’s not it.” I frowned at him. “You really can’t listen worth a damn.”

           Ignoring me, he took the bottle so he could have a swig of his own. “For not likin’ it, you’re sure drinkin’ a lotta it.”

           “We’re sharing,” I reminded him. “That’s part of sharing. I drink half, and you drink half. Isn’t that the unspoken arrangement here? If I let you drink any more than that I’ll likely be planning your funeral tomorrow. Though, I suppose planning your funeral will become inevitable, eventually. You act as if you’re determined to drink—or smoke—yourself to an early grave. At the rate you’re going, it can’t be too much longer now. That’s not especially fair, by the way, expecting me to plan your funeral after this lifetime of irresponsibility. If you were really my friend you’d at least attempt to restrain yourself, considering I’ve seen more than enough death already.”

           Gojyo shook his head. “You are talkin’ a lot. Is it hittin’ you?”

           “No,” I lied. “I’m bored. We should go somewhere.”

           His eyes widened. “You wanna go somewhere? At ‘leven ‘clock at night?”

           “What difference does the time make?” I wondered, getting up and walking very steadily to the coat closet to retrieve my jacket. “It’s the weekend, and it’s my birthday.”

           “I thought ya wanted ta stay here.”

           “Staying here is useless now that you’ve gotten me… That is, now that I’ve wasted so much time drinking with you. We may as well go out and see what goes on around here on a Friday night.”

           “See?” A grin slipped slowly across his lips. “I knew you’re my age too. I fuckin’ knew it.”

             Side by side, we clipped through the busy town, surrounded by people—old and young—bustling down the streets, chattering and laughing. Lights flashed and music blared, but I spent most of the walk paying close attention to each and every step I took so I wouldn’t as much as stumble, while Gojyo half-swaggered half-staggered next to me, and by the time I started to notice our surroundings again we’d reached downtown, where the noise and excitement was at its peak.

           “No fighting,” I told Gojyo. “One thing I will absolutely not do on my birthday is break up a fist fight between you and some drunkard—not like last year. Last year, it seemed I was fishing you out of a fight every five minutes. I’m not doing that again. I will stand by and watch as you get your ass handed to you if I must, and I’ll even drag you to the emergency room if I have to, but I’m not stepping between you and someone else’s fist when you try to pick up someone else’s woman. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, do you? I wouldn’t expect you to do it on your birthday. All I’m asking for is a little common courtesy.”

           Instead of answering, he wondered, “Wha’s with the swearing? You never swear.’

           It must be because of the absinthe, I realized, but I wasn’t about to tell him that, so I said, “It bothers me that you didn’t answer me.”

           “Duh. ‘Course, not gonna pick fights on your birthday. ‘Kay? Chill, Kai.”

           I studied him. He didn’t seem all that drunk yet. Yes, he was slurring his words and walking unsteadily, and he had that unquestionably altered look in his eyes, but he wasn’t falling-down-stupid like I’d expected him to be, which made me question, again, where all the absinthe had gone. There was only a quarter of it left, and I couldn’t remember if I’d passed it to him even once on our way into town.

           I hoisted it over my head suddenly to inspect the bottom, thinking there could be a leak. “Where is all this devil’s piss going?”

           Gojyo paused to wrinkle his forehead at me in consternation. “Devil’s piss…”

           “The absinthe, Gojyo.”

           “I know. Jus’ not used ta hearin’ you talk like that. Uhh. What’dya mean? Where’s it goin’… We’ve been drinkin’ it.”

           “Yeah, but…” I paused and started over. “Yes, but I mean… You’re drinking it too, aren’t you?”

           “We’re sharing,” he told me, mimicking my voice and tone. “That’s part of sharing. See? I listen.”

           “You’re insufferable,” I grumbled.

           “I’m tryin’ ta drink it, but you’re bogarding it, man. I dunno where it went. I think ya drank a bunch of it.”

           “Here.” I handed it to him suddenly and tucked my hands in my pockets. It was a cold night, and I wished I’d brought my scarf. “I don’t want any more.”

           Dutifully, Gojyo took a sip and wiped his lips on his sleeve.

           Immediately, I snagged it back from him. “Never mind. I just remembered—if you drink too much of this you’ll ruin my birthday, if you don’t just die.”

             We popped into a club of Gojyo’s choosing. I was so intent on keeping myself under control—watching the way I walked and spoke and moved—I didn’t even notice the name of the place, and the next thing I knew I was standing against the bar, shoulder to shoulder with a sea of strangers, the low lights making every face mysterious, and the music was so loud I had to shout at the bartender to order a martini.

           “Dirty!” I screamed at him, as he cupped one hand around his ear. “Very dirty!” I jerked my thumb at Gojyo. “He’s just having water!”

           Gojyo rammed me with his shoulder, very nearly knocking me off-balance, and growled, “Don’t order for me, dick head!”

           I received my martini and turned to look around the club, desperate for a place to sit, but there didn’t appear to be any chairs at all—it was just a massive dance floor, wall to wall with people grinding against one another.

           “Why are we here?” I demanded.

           Gojyo looked coolly at me through the haze of his cigarette smoke. “Ya wanted ta go out!”

           “Yes, but why here? You know I’m not overly fond of places like this!”

           “I was just cold! What did’ja want? The library?”

           I glared at him. “Why are you fighting with me?”

           “I’m not fighting with you, Hakkai! Drink your fuckin’ martini an’ chill the fuck out!”

           Scowling, I sipped my beverage. I didn’t see how I could chill out at all with all the people jostling against me and screaming in my ear, and the god-awful music blaring, and the flashing lights threatening to send me into a seizure, and Gojyo being difficult.

           Gojyo hooked his arm roughly around my neck. “Dude! Quit frownin’ like that! You’re gonna scare all the chicks away!”

           “Is that why we’re here? To pick up women!”

           “No! I’m teasing you! Chill!”

           Before I could make my response, a woman crawled out of the crowd on the other side of me. She took a moment to hitch up her halter, seeing how she was just about to fall out of it—in fact it appeared to be a size too small—and then she smiled up at me with her ice-white lip piercing and glitter-coated eyelashes. “Hey, there!”

           Immediately, Gojyo took his arm off me and turned away, engaging in conversation with the patron next to him, abandoning me in yet another awkward social situation.

           “Hello,” I said back.

           The woman proceeded to dance next to me, bumping her broad hips against me and pressing in close. “What’s you’re name?” she shouted to be heard over the music.

           “Gonou—Hakkai! Cho Hakkai!”

           That was my name. I’d picked it. Where on earth did I even get it? Destruction, that was me.

           “Hakkai.” She giggled. “I like it! Do you wanna dance?”

           I shook my head. “No, thank you!”

           “Oh, c’mon!” She attached herself to my arm, fingers gliding up my bicep to my shoulder. “Don’t be shy! Dance with me!”

           “I don’t dance!”

           “Sure you do!” She slammed lightly against me, kinetic energy forcing me to sway in what was almost a rhythm.

           “No, really! I don’t! It’s flattering,” I forced myself to add. “Very flattering! But no!”

           She pretended to pout, but her eyes were bright with a hidden smile. “Buy me a drink then!”

           “I’m afraid I don’t—”

           A hulking man emerged from the crowd and stood behind her, bald head looking particularly shiny in the odd light. He had a huge septum piercing and his disgustingly long beard was damp from drinking. He glared down at me, booming, “What’re you up to, punk-ass? Tryin’ ta steal my girl?”

           “No, I—”

           She turned to him. “Oh! Don’t be such a Neanderthal! I was just talking to the guy!”

           “Looks like he’s tryin’ ta pick you up!” he growled, moving in closer to tower over me. “Right, you little shit? Pickin’ up on my girl!?”

           “As I said, no, I was just—”

           “Smart ass son’vabitch!” One meaty hand snagged the front of my shirt, dragging me forward, while the other bunched up and cocked back for a strike.

           I dropped my martini, ready to rip his arm off. My reflexes though. They weren’t as quick as—

           His fist smashed into my face, knocking me back, and the next thing I knew I was slumped against Gojyo, staring up into his screaming face.

           “Hakkai!”

           I felt him holding me up, but I couldn’t make myself move for a few seconds. I counted them.

           One, two, three…

           Gojyo’s eyes flashed and turned dark. He heaved me to the side.

           I made a grab at him. His slick jacket slipped through my fingers as he darted forward.

           Disbelievingly, I watched him knock the huge man’s block off. The brute fell over backward and vanished into the crowd, likely out cold on impact. His girlfriend screamed. The crowd gasped, and everyone around us fell silent. Several more men surged forward—they were dressed as bouncers.

           I got shuffled to the side all too easily and lost sight of my roommate in the chaos.

           Someone gripped my arm. A concerned but unfamiliar face stared at me, yelling, “You okay?”

           I pulled loose and stumbled away, looking around as if I was lost. I felt blood trickling down from my nose.

           What the hell just happened?

           My heart started to race. The crowd was in a frenzy, shoving against each other and screaming, running away and moving in closer, rolling back and forth like tides at the ocean, pushing me out and threatening to drag me back in.

           When I finally had my senses again and was just beginning to charge forward to find him, Gojyo burst out from between the wall of people and grabbed me, shoving me ahead of him through the crowd. “Go, go, go!”

           I heard tremulous voices cracking over the general din. Faces appeared in front of me, staring wide-eyed with gaping mouths, and then disappeared again as I was pushed past them.

           Gojyo propelled me through the exit, out into the dark cold, and I nearly tripped down the stairs. Before I could right myself, he snatched the lapel of my jacket and dragged me around the corner, slamming me against the wall.

           Face full of shock and looking pale in the shadows, he stared at me, cigarette busted in half and hanging from his mouth. I felt him grip both my shoulders. “Hey, you okay?”

           Jerking away from him and cupping my bloody nose, I turned my back to him. Blood spattered the front of my sweater. I realized I was shaking and breathing hard, but I couldn’t understand what happened. I’d just watched that half-wit punch me in the face. How?

           A voice bellowed through the quiet, “Don’t come back, if you know what’s good for you! Fucking gutter trash!”

           “Shit.” Gojyo bumped me with his shoulder. “Let’s get outta here.”

           Taking hold of me again, he led me several blocks away, to a less crowded part of the street, and then paused in an alleyway. “Are you okay?” he asked again.

           I stared down at the puddle of blood in my palm. “That…miscreant hit me…”

           “I saw…” He popped a new cigarette in his mouth and chewed anxiously on it. “Are you all right?”

           Suddenly, I turned on him, shouting, “This is all your fault, Gojyo! I told you I didn’t want to be in there!”

           “Hey, I didn’t know somebody was gonna—”

           “No! But you knew I just wanted to stay home tonight! You knew I didn’t want to drink absinthe and go to a club and get hit on by STD-infested women! You know that’s what you want to do—not me! You’re so incredibly selfish!”

           “Hakkai, woah!” He raised his hands. “I—”

           “What’s wrong with you?” I insisted. “You just had to know what I wanted for my birthday! I told you again and again I didn’t want anything from you, but you kept pushing and pushing, and then when the actual event arrives I find you didn’t get me any of the things I asked for! You give me a bottle of alcohol I never wanted and a bloody nose from a bar fight in a club I didn’t care to go into! Why?”

           “Hakkai—”

           “No excuses, dammit! I understand why you don’t listen to me when I ask you to do something—you’re lazy and immature and stubborn—but why do you just ignore me when I ask you not to do something? Is this funny to you?” I wiped my bleeding nose, suddenly feeling like I just wanted to cry. “Did you just want a laugh at my expense?”

           He stared at me for such a long time I felt sure he wouldn’t have anything to say at all. I felt sure he’d simply turn around and walk away without a single word.

           Instead, he gave a heavy sigh, reached up to unwind the bandana from his forehead, and pinched it to my nose, too quickly for me to stop him, and so gently it didn’t even hurt. He tapped his head against mine. “Sorry,” he husked. “I don’t have an ‘cuse, Sunshine. But I’m sorry.”

           Slowly, I took the bandana from him, applying pressure to the bridge of my nose. It smelled like sweat and cigarettes.

           Suddenly, my head felt light, and everything seemed to spin. I leaned back against the cold wall, murmuring, “Why…does everyone think I can get you to do whatever I want? You’re the one who convinces me to do all sorts of things I don’t want to do.”

           “I know,” he said quietly, lowering his eyes in guilt. “I’ma jerk.”

           My best friend, who’d just demolished a man nearly twice his size like a wrecking ball against a building, for my sake, and who’d given me an article of his own clothing to stop the bleeding of my injury, was not a jerk. He was a lot of things, but that wasn’t one of them.

           I threw my arms around him suddenly, pressing my bleeding face to his shoulder, and he held me up easily, while the world spun around and around. My stomach turned, and my knees buckled with weakness, and he’d never seemed so strong before. “I…miss Kanan…” I grated out, eyes stinging. “Even after all this time…”

           Gojyo squeezed me carefully. “I know, Hakkai.”

           “But I…I would never give you up…”

           “Okay. I’d never give ya up either.”

           Biting back tears, I held onto him all the tighter, and he let me.

           After a few moments, he said, “So…this’s what you’re like when you’re drunk…”

           “I’m not drunk,” I argued into his collar. “I’m just a little…”

           “You’re drunk, Hakkai. Ya drank most that bottle by yourself. I mean, you ain’t human an’more, but you ain’t a machine…”

           “I’ve drank much more than that in one sitting.”

           “Yeah. Like I said though, that shit isn’t like normal booze. Give yourself a break for once.”

           “Fine.” I snorted, standing up again, and the spinning worsened. “I’m drunk. You succeeded. I hope that makes you happy.”

           “Not really. I didn’t know it was gonna be sucha shit storm. Shoulda known…” He gave a sad, wry, little smirk. “You’re a damn mess.”

           Slowly, I looked away, watching the people passing on the street. Some of them gave us strange glances, but they continued to shuffle by, as they always had, not caring about the two of us. “I never thought I would be. I thought I’d be so much more than this.”

           “There’s nothin’ wrong with you, okay? It’s just that ev’rybody can only take so much. An’ you took a lot, Hakkai. That’s all it is.”

           I faced him. “How much more can you take?”

           His already serious expression darkened a shade. “Not much, lemme tell ya.”

           “I’ve always assumed I’d be in a padded room if I were you.”

           Gojyo rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that bad.”

           “It was though. You—”

           “I’m hungry,” he cut in. “Let’s go get breakfast.”

           I let him guide me out onto the road again, absently dabbing at my nose. “It’s not time yet for breakfast.”

           “Nah, but that’s what ya do when you’re drunk—eat breakfast.”

           “That hardly makes sense.”

           All the same, we walked a few blocks to a twenty-four-hour diner, and by the time we reached a booth in the back corner of the building, we were both stumbling rather badly, and I felt sick to my stomach. I rested my spinning head in my hands while the waitress served us coffee, and Gojyo perused the menu.

           “Why did you let me drink so much of that awful stuff by myself?” I demanded quietly.

           Gojyo lit a cigarette and even ashed a few times before answering. “I was tryin’ ta get ya drunk.”

           “That…is so…uncool of you…”

           “Like I said, I di’nt know it was gonna be like this. I just wanted ya ta forget ‘bout it for a coupla hours… All that nasty shit that happened.”

           “How gallant,” I muttered dryly.

           “Sorry. Really. If I knew you were gonna get all ‘gressive—”

           “I’m not aggressive.”

           “’Kai, you’re ‘gressive when you’re sober. Ya just hide it. Ya hide all kindsa shit. If I knew ya were gonna be ‘gressive, an’ moody, an’ sad I wouldnta done it.”

           I glared up at him. There was three of him now. “As you pointed out, I’m like that anyway.”

           Gojyo nodded, still skimming the menu. “I jus din’t know, ‘kay, dude? I wasn’t tryin’ ta…hurt you.”

           Of course I believed that. Gojyo would never try to hurt me intentionally.

           “Well, please don’t do this again. I don’t like feeling this way.”

           His eyes flickered over the menu to meet my gaze. “I won’t,” he said flatly. “Drink your fuckin’ coffee.”

             We ate our meals in relative quiet, and after I had some food in my stomach I did feel a bit better, so we struck out for home. The walk seemed to take twice as long as usual, and I had to try extra hard not to stagger as we went, so we spoke very little on the trip as well.

           Back at the house, the lights were still on. Apparently I was intoxicated enough that I’d neglected to turn them off.

           Inexcusable.

           I dropped onto the couch, face first, trying to collect myself before going to bed. “When does the spinning stop?”

           “Dunno. Whenever.” He sat down on the floor, leaning back against the couch. “You gonna be okay?”

           “Presumably.”

           “I’m really sorry, man. You’ve never been drunk like this before, huh?”

           “Not exactly, no.”

           Gojyo sighed. “Guess I fucked up your birthday—again.”

           “Your intentions weren’t altogether horrible.”

           “Right… Well, no worries. I won’t tell an’body I saw ya drunk. We can just pretend this din’t happen.”

           “That would be nice, Gojyo.”

           We fell silent again. I tried to focus on sleeping. To hell with shambling my way to bed—I was going to sleep right where I was, with my clothes still on, just like he did all the time.

           When I’d nearly dozed off, Gojyo hissed, “Hey, ‘Kai. You ‘wake?”

           “Mmhm.”

           “Can I tell ya something?”

           “Mm. Sure. Why the hell not?”

           “I lied to ya earlier…’bout the best birthday I ever had.”

           “Oh?”

           “Not ‘cause it was the wrong birthday… It was still that one—with all the nasty sex.”

           “I see.”

           “I lied ‘bout the reason.”

           “Ah.”

           “The real reason…” He took another pause, and I detected familiar insecurity in his tone. “Is ‘cause…when I fin’ly dragged my ass home after all that, super fucked up, feelin’ like a pieca shit, you were there. Ya came to find me. Remember?”

           “I remember I made plans to have dinner with you and you broke them. I went out looking for you so I could give you a piece of my mind.”

           Briefly, he chuckled. “Yeah. That. We jus’ met right? Ya din’t know what a fuck job I am yet.”

           “Goj,” I sighed. “You’re not—”

           “It was shitty. An’ t’night’s shitty. I always do shitty stuff. That ain’t the point. The point is, when ya saw how blasted I was ya din’t yell at me for ditchin’ you. Ya took care of me. Ya din’t even make me say sorry. Ya made me feel like I mattered. And…I dunno… Havin’ all that, for the first time ever, meant a lot to me.”

           I opened my eyes finally to look at him, and he half turned his head to look back from the corner of his eye.

           Quietly, he added, “I always wished I could do somethin’ that awesome for you…but I know I can’t.”

           “Gojyo,” I shut my eyes again, putting my arm around his neck. “Shut up. You do that for me all the time.”