#do i have to have the obligatory tamlin is still an abusive pos disclaimer

[bookishfeylin]

have you ever talked about the inherent tragedy of feylin's ending in acomaf

No but NOW I AM.

Ok ok ok

SOOOOOOOO

ACOMAF begins with them both being incredibly traumatized. Neither can sleep, neither are doing good, they both know the other is struggling, but they have a "silent agreement" not to talk about it and acknowledge Amarantha's still affecting them. They both use sex as a relief and as a coping mechanism because again they are both traumatized, and it likely grounds them both. But it's not enough, and sex can't save a relationship wherein the parties refuse to communicate with each other.

And this all comes to a head when Feyre eventually realizes what she needs to get better: freedom. Being coddled and protected stifles her, leaves her with nothing to do but wallow in trauma, and she wants to keep busy. Needs to. again i take issue with acomaf saying she wants to throw herself into danger because that's not realistic for ptsd and realistically she should WANT to be coddled post acotar and avoid danger at all costs. i personally feel like it'd be more powerful from a trauma-discussing perspective if she clung to being coddled as she wasted away and her journey in acomaf was about finding the joy in life and LIVING again and learning to not be afraid of danger and death but alas we got what we got, but the need to keep busy thing does make sense.

So after months of no communication or discussion about their trauma, as they're both sinking deeper and deeper into it, Feyre has realized what she needs, and she finally voices what she wants. But it's different than everything she's said and done before. The people themselves didn't want Feyre's help rebuilding and pushed her away. And Feyre didn't want a title previously, didn't want to meet his courtiers and begin learning the intricate court politics during the parties, and refused to engage with people during the tithe. But now she wants something different. She doesn't want to sit around anymore, suddenly wants to be involved, she wants to do THINGS but not in the careful safe environment where Tamlin initially tried to get her involved in politics. And Tamlin panics, and we get the study scene. Because he's also realized what he needs to get better, and that's assurance of her safety. Which he has when she's at home doing nothing, or when she's learning the ins and outs of court politics, or is followed around by a dozen guards, but cannot guarantee if she trains or is helping out around the court. Especially if she trains. Because Hybern is hunting her, and the other High Lords will kill her if they learn she has their magic, and he has no super-secret-hidden city to train her safely, no mind-reading powers to check on her in a moment's notice. She could die and he wouldn't know; would be powerless to help her. But Feyre does not know this. Feyre does not know of being hunting by the attor, or the likelihood that the High Lords will want the return of their power. She needs freedom. He needs her safety.

So Tamlin puts his needs, his PTSD, and his trauma before her own, the exact opposite of what he did a mere book before when he sent her home before she freed him, taking away her choices, her autonomy, and morphing him into her abuser.

So their relationship crashes and burns, defined and destroyed by trauma, as the expressions of their PTSD as written in canon--with Tamlin needing Feyre to be safe, and Feyre needing freedom and danger to truly live again--doom and damn their relationship, because their individual traumas warp them so the paths of healing for each mean they cannot heal together.