#do i do gender bending for the sake of girl in magical girl?

[crabpeach]

Been mulling around the idea of a YuGiOh Magical Girl fanfic inspired by the fact Kenjiro Tsuda did an episode of Magical Girl Ore.

Idk if I should try and make it fit into the established cannon as a post-events story or if I should make it janky and self indulgent in my personal ships and head cannons.

[xiaoscarasimp]

Smol Bit of Cat boi Smut 5

I'm not dead I swear I've just been writing other things on Ao3

Back at it again the gender bend arc so warnings this time include AMAB bodied reader/AFAB Scara/Lyney because gender bend, 3somes, attempt at writing lesbian sex and who can forget out fave SiZe KiNk

Smut MDNI

Pt 1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4

Despite the black out curtains, sunlight still managed to seep its way into the bed. Still half asleep, you find the two huge, warm pillows to your left and hide your face from the heinous light. When that fails, you find the much smaller pillows to your right side, and curl into them, despite the fact they were smaller. Only problem now is the fact your tail wouldn't stop thrashing around the pillows’ cores and a faint groaning could be heard from your left side. 

Why are these pillows so loud? You muse hazily, half asleep. 

You felt something wet and hard between your legs, and wondered if it was your darling cat boy trying to initiate morning sex again. Only problem this time was the fact that it felt more attached to you than normal; almost like you could feel every twinge and tickle it felt. You roll over to the bigger set of pillows and find something akin to a lollipop and start sucking on it, your hips grinding with every suck.

“W-worst candy ever,” you basically purr, voice heavy with sleep. As you fall back asleep with the candy in your mouth, you end up biting a little too hard, fangs causing the candy to leak out a sweet but bitter liquid. A grunt could be heard when you bit down, but you just snuggle right up to the warm pillows with candy. 

There’s a throbbing in your core that is attempting to wake you up even more now than ever. You reach down and absent mindedly scratch your groin when you realize the usual folds weren’t there anymore. Sitting straight up like a zombie arising from a coffin, you realize that you were somehow only a bit more than half your size, still had cat ears and tail, and now fangs, and to make it all the more shocking: your breasts and pussy have disappeared, replaced by a wash board of a chest and a cock between your legs. 

Trying to stifle a scream, you notice a relatively huge cat girl with long blue hair with purple highlights draped over her shoulders and chest, and a fair face with smudges of red eyeliner. You couldn't help but stare in awe at her beauty, skin glowing and mouth half open while she slept. Her hands were curled up like a cat's paw, nails long and shiny, not unlike your own cat boy. How lucky were you to bed this amazing looking woman. That is, if you managed to score last night. 

To your other side, there is a cat girl with medium length blonde hair that strikes a shocking resemblance to Lyney’s sister, Lynette. She is snoring happily, mumbling something about magic shows and “don’t let the birds escape.” She was decently sized compared to you, however still rather small compared to the purple haired cat girl on your other side. 

“Wh-who are you girls?” You timidly ask. “A-and why do I have…uh…you know…” You for some reason expect the blonde to have an answer before the bluenette. You have a sneaking suspicion who they are, but you want to double check before jumping to conclusions. 

The blonde cat girl wakes up first, looks down at her chest, then down at your crotch, then to your head. She then proceeds to have a panic stricken look on her face, lilac eyes wide with confusion and a bit of mischief. 

“Aha,” she held one finger up like she had a revelation. “I might have cast a spell before I fell asleep last night.” 

“W-wait…Lyney?!” you scream softly. “And God dammit stop casting bull shit magic, for fuck's sake. Scara's gonna be pissed.” 

Lyney chuckles weakly, rubbing his hand behind his head; he knew that he had messed up, but seeing a massive cat girl in his bed along with having his very own set of tits and a vagina made him quite curious. He mentions maybe using the gender swap to learn how to pleasure each other better under his breath, but you couldn't be sure.  

The blonde then reaches his hands down towards your morning wood and rubs the tip between his fingers, a moan spilling forth from your lips. Your body felt like it had an electric current running through it, tingling down your spine. It wasn’t as powerful as with your original parts, but this was nice in its own little way. 

“A mon cheri, who knew that you could make such beautiful moans as a man,” Lyney teases you. 

In revenge, you allow your hands to wander down to his folds, stimulating his sensitive bud as only you knew how: gently but passionately. Rubbing circles around and applying pressure, you knew it wouldn’t take him long to cum. You insert your fingers in him, with the other hand, him gasping at the sensation. Lyney starts grinding on your hand, desperate for even more relief. When you can sense him almost getting there, you rip your fingers out from  his needy hole. 

“If you want some more, you have to pleasure me first,” You reach up to whisper in his ear, tail wrapping around his wrist. He was still quite a bit bigger than you, but he didn't resist you using your tail to keep him in his place. Climbing on top of him, you start to kiss him while your small arms have issues reaching his folds. 

An idea popped in your head: shrink him and mess with him even more. You quickly make work of stimulating his clit, the little nub twitching under your fingers. You lean down to explore his folds, admiring the enlarged clit to the way the slick made every glisten. Giving the bud a lick and little nibble, you feel it tense up before finally releasing all over your face. 

Since you were the one in control, he started shrinking faster than normal, and at this point was about the same size as you were when you woke up. You use this chance to grow to be about three quarters of your original height;the still unconscious cat girl is no longer as formidable as she once seemed. Towering over Lyney, grab his tiny body and place it on top of yours, dick between his ass cheeks. You prop him up and tease his over stimulated clit and folds with your weeping cock, savoring the juice that had flowed out earlier. Gently shoving your cock in, Lyney moans and gasps, clearly still over stimulated from earlier.

“Now I know why you guys crave this so much,” You say with a haze in your voice, ears flat with pleasure. “I-it’s like I’m home again.” 

As you bottom out, you wrap your tail around his now even slimmer waist. You could see the definitive shape of your cock in his stomach, filling him up, kissing his womb, or might have even been in his womb at this point. Lyney moans and starts grinding himself down on your cock, desperate to make you cum, or at least make himself cum. Enjoying the sensation of his impossibly tight pussy for a few moments, you then decide to hold his hips in place, halting his grinding. 

“ B-but y/n, why?!” Lyney exclaims, his tiny face flushed red with pleasure and lust. The shape of your cock was still firmly there, although not moving, head about half-way up his slim belly. 

“I don’t pleasure bad magicians who keep messing up twice, Lyney,” You warn him. “The only reason why you would even get any type of pleasure is so I can watch you shrink away underneath me.” 

“Y/n, are you ok? You’re acting a bit weird,” Lyney says nervously, eyes darting over to the purple haired cat girl who still hasn’t woken up despite all the chaos. He honestly was starting to feel a little scare, panic flashing through his eyes. 

“Oh, no, I’m fine. I’m just about to live out a fantasy.”

Quickly, you position yourself to be able to suckle on the purple catgirl’s(who you were pretty sure was Scaramouche) boobs again, only a tad disappointed that there would most likely be no milk. The girl was starting to stir, mumbling something about her- no his chest being so heavy. 

“Good morning, Scara,” You greet him, Lyney still impaled on your cock. 

He looks at you, then to Lyney on your cock, to Lyney’s pussy, eyes wide. The cat boy then looked down towards his own assets, huge tits blocking his view down and a wetness between his legs, eyes widening even more. Scaramouche gives his breasts a few squeezes, flicks and rubs the nipples just to ensure he's not dreaming and they are, in fact, real. 

“L-lyney?” His voice is still groggy with sleep. “What the fuck did you do? And why are you guys already fucking first thing in the morning?”

“Ehe, well you see,” Lyney says, trying to keep his composure under the angry gaze of the cat girl god,despite being way smaller. Scaramouche’s eyes flare at the magician’s lack of composure. He debated choking the poor cat girl still balls deep on your cock, but decided on something a little funnier. 

He starts kissing you and massaging your chest. Despite no longer having any breasts, it was still surprising how sensitive you still were; not sensitive enough to cum just from this, but the cat girl still on your dick made the sensations even better. You thrust your hips up into him, his breasts bouncing in rhythm. Hearing him moan stimulates you even further, cock twitching inside of him. If you weren't careful, you'd end up spilling inside of him and shrinking yourself. Scaramouche's large tongue lap at your chest, before he sticks one finger in his mouth and prods your back side with it, before signaling where he wants you. 

You attempt to stand up with the shrunken cat boy on your cock before falling back down straight into the wet finger. Scaramouche smirks, immediately finding the sensitive bean in your back end. It was almost like he had done this his whole life. Scaramouche moves his fingers back and forth, sending even more shivers up your spine, the bean vibrating under his fingers. 

Before you knew it, you spilled inside Lyney, who started growing, smirking on his face. You keep a reminder in the back of your head to not let him get too big, since it was his fault you were in this position to begin with. Once you two were about the same size, Scaramouche easily flips you to face him, then climbs on top of you two, squishing Lyney in the middle. Lyney’s nipples were rubbing against your own, sending electric shocks down your spine, his tail rubbing against Scaramouche’s own buds.

“Want to reenact that one scene from that trashy anime that you forced me to watch the other day?” Scaramouche breathes in your sensitive ears. Thinking back to which scene he was talking about, you realize that he was going to have to shrink by quite a bit. He towers over you at this point, about double your current height. You start smirking, amused by the idea of eating him out, or better yet, you and Lyney double teaming him to make him cum over and over again, whittling him away as you do. 

You nod, excited to actually eat a girl, or in this case-a cat boy in a cat girl’s body, out. Lyney looks at you confused, but you promise him that it’s going to be fun, but you guys were going to have to make the other cat boy cum at least once.

First, you pull Lyney off of your cock to better initiate the plan. You two both then use your combined strength to push Scaramouche backwards onto his back. Lyney started suckling on his nipples while you went straight for the clit. The sensitive bud was already pocking its cute little head out, awaiting for you to lick it. As you licked his clit, you feel his walls start to clench, grabbing at something that should have been there that wasn’t. You briefly consider sticking your dick in him, but you needed him to cum first, not you. 

“Ahhn,” Scaramouche moans, clearly already overstimulated. “M-More. I need more p-ple-” he covers his mouth in embarrassment. You smirk into his cunt; you’d never thought that you would ever hear the word “please” attempt to slip past his lips.

“What was that, Scara?” Lyney teases him through a mouth full of nipple, Scaramouche was not lacking in the top real estate, making getting his tiny mouth around the nipple a bit of a struggle. His tail flicks in amusement at the cat boy’s purring and sudden submissiveness. “Maybe the gender swap was a good thing after all, my dear. Shows off your true submissive nature.” 

“I-I am NOT submissive, you damn tw-twink~!” You tease his clit a little more and insert two fingers into his needy pussy while they are bickering. His reaction was a bit more than you could have ever anticipated and you quite frankly wanted to do it again.

You insert another finger into his hole, causing him to shift up onto the bed as if to almost try to escape the sudden intrusion, but his body kept telling him to shift back down. You can tell that he’s almost close to cumming, and to expedite the process, you sit up and decide to remove your fingers from his needy hole and replace them with your own cock instead. You catch Lyney’s eye and he starts sucking and biting on Scaramouche’s breast even harder, the latter catboy’s moaning could be heard from the heavens. Who knew that he could make noises like that? Maybe you’d have to turn him into a girl again some day; his girlish moans were something to be savored. 

“Y/n! Lyney~!” He’s practically screaming in pleasure at this point. “I-I’m…I’m gonna c-c-um.” Poor cat boy was barely making coherent sentences at this point, although that was not good enough for you.  You feel his wall start to take a choke hold on your cock, but right before he could cum, you pull your small dick out, staring up at him, smirking. He hisses at the sudden loss of warmth in his hole; he craved being filled up from the deepest pits of his hole. 

Seeing his huge eyes watering from denial struck a chord in your heart and you decide to give the poor cat boy his release by sticking your dick back in him. To expedite the process, you use your tiny hands to stimulate the clit a little bit more because he squirted all over your hands. Curious to what it tasted like you taste a taste while the cat boy is shrinking on your growing cock. 

The shrinking stopped and you and he were about the same size with Lyney being smaller than both of you. You pick him up with ease and place him on your cock as you lie back and motion Scaramouche to sit on your face. Scaramouche was sizing up Lyney, looking at his perfect lips and lilac eyes before kissing him passionately, larger mouth almost swallowing his lips whole. Lyney moans in Scaramouche’s mouth, vibrations turning him on to the point of almost cumming from the kissing alone. His tail wraps itself around Lyney’s slim wrist while his hands cupped his face to bring him closer. 

Thrusting into Lyney makes the experience all the better for both of you, cock just barely visible in his stomach. Scaramouche's folds on your face were also tempting, but you allow him some time to recover from his last powerful orgasm, although if his clenching pussy suggested anything, it was that it wanted more. You stick your tongue in his folds and moan into his cunt, very much like he has done to you many, many times.

The two catboys continue making out through all their stimulation from below, rocking back and forth as they do, both about to cum on your cock and face. Scaramouche starts playing with Lyney’s chest, pinching the nipples harshly, twisting and pulling at them while he continues making out with the slightly smaller cat boy. The bluenette bites Lyney’s lip, drawing blood, causing him recoil in pain, though his movement was limited due to still being impaled on your cock. The sudden jerk makes Lyney’s gummy walls close in on you, wanting to squeeze you for every drop you were worth. 

After not long of having both of them ride you, feel yourself spilling inside the smaller cat boy, whittling away underneath them as you do. Not long after the two of them rubbing their nipples together and making out cum on your cock and face, stopping you from getting too much smaller while the one impaled on your cock stays about the same size, Scaramouche shrinks to the point of now being shorter than Lyney. Lyney has a wicked grin on his face, and pushes the now smaller cat boy back on his back, using his bigger hands to stimulate his clit. 

You deline any further activities, cock and mentally spent. Though you feel your dick start to harden while watching the two cat boys make out, the inclination to join them was not there. 

Lyney sits on top of Scaramouche, cupping his face with one hand and the other reaching for his tiny clit. His hand is almost the size of his face, fingers delicately stroking his cheek. Scaramouche wears an almost indignant expression on his face, though some of the pleasure was seeping through; he always hated being short, especially compared to others. His eyes flutter, trying to resist orgasming but Lyney’s soft, delicate fingers are hard to resist. They move from playing with his clit to thrusting in and out of his needy hole, clenching harder and harder with each movement. He can only fit two fingers in Scaramouche’s tiny, tight pussy as he stretches it. 

The sounds of your cat boy moaning send shivers down your spine, erecting your cock to half mast, despite being drained of everything. Your hands start to move towards your half hardened member and start touching it gently, stroking and playing with it. The boys look over and see your cock now starting to drip with pre cum, and Lyney starts kissing Scaramouche even harder now, eyes glancing back at you to watch your reactions. 

Lyney’s fingers piston in and out of the tiny pussy before the raven haired cat boy reached climax and once Lyney’s fingers are shoved out of him, there is an audible pop, much like a balloon pop and you look down, and your member is gone. Your breasts have returned as well, and you look over to see the cat boys are their normal heights again, cock and balls and all,

“I swear to fuck Lyney,” Scaramouche seethes. “If you ever cast that shit ass magic again, I won’t partake in any more activities with you like this.”

“Aww,” Lyney playfully moaned. “But you were having so much fun, weren’t you, my dearest Scara, and y/n too. I bet you had always been curious as to what it’d be like to have a dick, didn’t you?” He winks at you. 

Scaramouche had come to sit on your lap before you had even realized it, nuzzling the crook of your neck. You realize that he’s biting at your neck while falling asleep; this morning activities had really exhausted him. You nudge him gently, but the poor spent cat boy is already asleep. His tail was draped across your thigh, swishing contently. You motion to Lyney to start making breakfast so that you guys could hurry up and get home before Lyney’s family could return. Lyney nods, contemplating what to make before settling on scrambled eggs with cheese and some sausage and bacon, with a side of toast. 

After he finished cooking, you and your cat boy were passed out on the bed and the room smelled of all the sex that had happened not even an hour before. He chuckles under his breath, knowing that the both of you would eventually want to try some of the size magic again, although it worried him if you tried it on your own without him. He was mostly worried for your Scaramouche and your somewhat sadistic urges, but that was a story for another time. First things first: gently wake the both of you up and eat a happy breakfast.

The smell of the bacon wakes you from your slumber. You hadn’t even realized you had passed out, resting your head on your cat boy’s. It was a miracle that his constantly flicking ears didn’t make you sneeze while you were asleep. The smell of the food also stirs Scaramouche from his slumber, his sensitive nose twitching. His mouth starts watering at the smell of the bacon and because Lyney’s was ever in tune with the both of you, he magics up a plate of the chewiest bacon he could muster before the cat boy’s face. Lyney also hands you your own plate stacked full of food. 

��Scaramouches' eyes widen at the sight before eventually digging in, offering some of the bacon to you. Jealous, Lyney puts some of the eggs on a fork and pokes your cheek with them, motioning you to open your mouth. As you did, you can feel your cat boy staring daggers at Lyney before he offers you some of his own eggs.

“Guys, I can feed myself. It’s not a competition; I have my own plate,” You say, flustered. While it was nice for them to want to feed you, you have your own plate. You also were not fond of how they made it a competition. Once you call them out on trying to over stuff you, they grumpily go back to eating their food. 

Once everything was cleaned up, you and Scaramouche bid farewell. Well, you bid farewell, Scaramouche just sat there scowling. You chest was filled with anticipation: What kind of kinky adventures would the world bring you next time?

So I am looking for suggestions I hit severe writers block with this one. I will NOT write

Scat, Piss, gore/vore, etc. I reserve to the right to reject your suggestions if the make me uncomfortable

[epickiya722]

I love AU's so much. Because it is so silly, like yes take my silly guy and put him into high school.

I love AU's especially when you put them in a different situation. Like putting a bunch of high schoolers into like workforce as spy's. Or making a bunch of like assassin's run a coffee shop.

I love AUs, too! Hell, it's because of AUs, I found myself loving BurnBunny. 😆

Seriously, it's like some people are afraid to take an AU and twist it how they want to and enjoy it.

Like, who said your No Powers AU have to have the characters do simple things? I wrote two No Powers AU fics for Miruko and Burnin and guess what?

They're prequels to a fic that has vampires in it.

Just because some of the other characters don't have powers, don't mean I couldn't have other characters be some non-human creature.

Mix it, bend some tropes, do whatever!

I remember seeing some post a long time ago about how Modern AUs suck or whatever because "how dare anyone take characters from a magical land and put them in a boring one" or whatever they said and I thought to myself...

Who said they couldn't do that? And who said that the characters still can't have powers in a Modern Day AU? Not everyone writes that AU where the characters have no powers.

Same for coffee shop AUs. Who said that in that fic a character can't run a coffee shop and be like an eldritch creature?

It's like now people want to nitpick at every single thing. Folks just want to critique every single thing and be haters and it's annoying.

First, y'all want complex female characters but can't even handle a girl making a mistake without calling her a bitch and making that her whole character.

Y'all get mad at when your headcanon is not true even though no one said you can't still have that headcanon and don't need an actor to validate it. Stop doing that.

Let's not forget how some people love to say that whenever two characters of the same gender have some conflict, even when they have each other's backs and work to better their relationship its "they hate each other, it's toxic". But let a female character actually hate a male character. "She's just confused about her feelings." Give me a break.

Now, y'all hate on AUs and people who just want their faves in another situation just for the sake of imagination.

Is there anything that isn't nitpicked on?

[sugar-petals]

sub!Yuzu | nsfw alphabet

🌹 NOTE ⇢ content for our fave figure skater, the legend himself. mr. yuzuru hanyu is 1000% dom candy and i’m here to honor it at length ⛸

— WORDS. 5k

tags + warnings. dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader, role reversal hc, smut, kinks, cum play, spanking, sex toys, very freaky yuzu, kitten play, mdlb, crying kink, food play, prostate orgasms, bondage, some deeper stuff & angsty bits, asthma mention, aftercare

  A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Once the cat ears come off, who is Yuzuru Hanyu not to remain in character for a while. For the shits and giggles, and because it’s cozy. Once a catboy, always a catboy, it’s the law of the land. Curling up, kneading at you for the head pats and massages, you know the programme. 

Also: Yuzu is famously soft-spoken and always finds the right thing to say. So, stimulating conversation for the cooldown. This is literally so nice. He’s unafraid to reflect everything in detail, say what he preferred, what you could change up together, what he wants to try next. The afterglow is not just physical, as in you give him something to drink, it’s 70% verbal which is very important to him as a consistent habit.

Of course, not to forget: Always gotta have a Winnie Pooh plushie ready. He embraces it readily and, as we know him, does some roleplay right then and there. Yuzu, professional cutiepie he is, is the kinda sub who treats all plush and pillow stuff as alive and breathing. You as his domme are in on the play and also treat his things as holy as they are to him. That Yuzu lets you into that world is the biggest compliment you can possibly get. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

We all know Yuzu’s godly ass and thighs. Or the staggering waist and beautiful black hair that makes him a total bombshell in his classic comb-back styles. His face is soft and expressive and so damn unique, his legs muscular and long, his back and tummy chiseled, the list goes on and on. Jesus, he has so many great features. All body parts a masterpiece. That are all capable of god-tier contortionism on top of that, gotta mention it in passing. Just so you know if you haven’t seen him bend his every limb into directions you wouldn’t believe are humanly possible. 

Interestingly though. If he chooses, Yuzu picks his feet: They are his most important instrument and weak spot. His ankles are where the magic happens. So, you taking care of them a little would mean the world to him, imagine a candle light massage. Not to worry, no-gross-alert. Yuzu has perfect and cute feet. That’s gonna be a Victorian moment, oh my god I saw his ankles. For his partner, short and simple: He likes a shoulder to lean on. He loves being touchy in general, all body parts are amazing to him. Being in a profession that’s all about the physics, Yuzuru knows about the wonders of the body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Certified king of cumsluts, doesn’t even hesitate. The more, the merrier. If he’s not covered in sticky stuff, Yuzu would be underchallenged. It’s less about the taste, texture or any degradation, for him it’s the playing around with his tongue. Somebody wants his mouth preoccupied. Give the cat his milk. Feed him his own cum mixed with yours. He’s gonna lap at it and swallow.

Since Yuzu’s dream is a mommy domme baking him something, he just loves the smell of dough and hazelnuts and cinnamon and everything — you know what’s coming: Imagine the food play. Nuts indeed. Anything that even remotely looks like a creampie is something he wants to get his lips on. And Yuzu is not the type to be a foodie at all, let that sink in. Sexual-looking food is just too big a temptation, though. And you spoiling him that way... oh my. Surefire way to end up in bed right after. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a butt plug collection. Once almost went on the ice with one in. The more you know. Also— this guy is the kinda type fantasizing to get absolutely railed on a bed of plushies. He has troubles suggesting it to you because he doesn’t want them to get actually dirty. But the idea gets the two of you kind of horny. Sometimes, a thought is better as a fantasy than actually executing it. You can use it for riling up’s sake, whispering it to him during dirty talk. How you’ll bounce on him and ruin him and milk him while he’s splayed out so innocently on your bed. I smell corruption kink. 

Another secret Yuzu keeps is just how much he changed his mind about wanting his partner to control everything in bed. He grew up with a pre-defined ideal type of a cute, nice skater girl who’d let the reins very loosely around him, who he can speak Japanese to because he had problems with English, who is small and someone he will protect. It wasn’t something based on experience and trying things out: It was simply expected of him. People wanted the domineering Yuzuru on ice to be that way in private, and make use of his power, be a man, savior, boss. 

The reality being: He never felt truly as tough on the ice, nor was he gender-conforming in person. In fact, that is what he became famous for, and it reassured Yuzuru very often how people would accept and actually celebrate this side of him. Which is so refreshing, and a sight to see. The side that was dorky, clingy, childish, gorgeous, and cute has always been there, but now he embraces it more as his comfort place. He has to know what he’s doing in his skating programme and show competitive spirit to achieve his dreams, but that’s where it stops.

His former ideals are something people wanted to hear, it was an adaptation of the environment rather than thinking it through on his own. So, years later — oh boy have things changed. Yuzuru no longer defines his ideal type that way, saying whoever he likes is someone he’d be with. What was a fantasy template and filter is now gone and adapted to his newfound, own preferences. Yuzu is comfortably open-minded rather than being a copy to mainstream. He found fun in speaking English, opened up to the world at large, had more girls around him who he could befriend, grew more confident in his stature, and is well aware — turns out he’s the cute one. Who needs to be taken under a wing. He likes strong-minded girls and says if he had a wife, she’d dominate him. Yuzuru secretly wants her to be in charge entirely, she owns his body and soul. Not in daily life where things are just normal and everyone goes about their business. Sexually, where he surrenders instead, and is taken care of.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The tale of an introvert. What he knows — he hides it well. Has eyefucked a whole lot of people and is the type to lust like mad from a far distance, and nobody will ever know. Crushes harder than peppercorns in a mill. If he loves someone, it lingers in his mind every split second of the day, may god have mercy on him. And if you know him: Yuzu aims too high to keep it light and easy and clumsy. He hates being an amateur, he’s terrified of starting out something. He dreads not knowing what to do, how exactly to behave, talk, touch, breathe, respond, negotiate, prepare. That’s a hundred percent like hell to him.

Ironically, he has a natural feeling for it and he’s literally amazing in bed, has a sense for social interaction is all the way cute with something valuable to say. But what he believes is something way different. Yuzuru is a diehard, nervous perfectionist. He can only think of it as a rated performance since his mind usually has to work that way to skate well. His esteem is on a knife edge depending on how well he thinks he does. So, the inevitable: He will shy away from sex altogether. He draws immense skating passion from staying celibate, in fact it’s his success secret, but it still eats him up from the inside and makes him frustrated beyond measure. Not even for the pleasure, since he’s so ambitious that’s almost forgotten about, but for being told he did well. 

That’s how much he believes sex is a drill and capability test. And it’s sad that he thinks it’s like his skating career, racking up points for the impossible things judges want and being in a deadlock when it comes to showing his artistic side. He feels thrown into cold water if he doesn’t know everything beforehand. If he ever works up the courage, which probably won’t happen, he will pay an expert to learn from rather than let something all over the place happen with a random person or even someone he might like. 

Yes, you heard that right. He’d rather see a sex worker than ‘mess up’ his first time according to his sky-high standards. So, Yuzu’s experience remains limited since he’s so 100% do or die, and so anxious, and so torn about social interaction, he doesn’t get how his peers can be playboys and get married and flirt with someone they like and all that. He sort of has an easier time with guys, but girls... he can’t approach. To top it off, he also feels like he’d burden his first time one somebody or embarrasses himself, so he will reject and avoid suitors. Those are usually not the people he crushes so hard on to begin with. It’s bound to be one-sided and he knows, so he will abstain and focus on career and use the cheers of his fans as a substitute.

Truth is, he feels helpless and distant from sex sometimes, especially with his practice-heavy lifestyle and hyper-smart mind, Yuzuru has an intelligence that exceeds what most people can grasp. He’s alone on the ice and Brian as a coach is often the only reference person who truly gets him, and leads him well without being controlling. But that’s professional life. Sexually, Yuzuru is metaphorically: coachless. He surely observed it well when Javier (the #1 ladies man, his opposite) was still active and a social butterfly helping him fit in, but Yuzu would always be worried about his extreme fame and spotless image when introduced to someone fangirling over him. He’d rather prefer someone who comes across as a mentor and solid, loyal-to-death person to look up to. So he would do anything to have someone benevolent like that. Most girls would expect him to be the sex god and expert, but he knows that’s only half of the story and based on his characters on the ice. Yuzu crafts these to counterbalance how he really is — withdrawn and indirect. 

Yuzu is extremely calculating and selective, he scans suitors well, protects his reputation, and is mortified of failure. So, he’d rather learn it by the book and from someone he’s not emotionally attached to. In a one-night stand that might also be the case, but he doesn’t know what to expect, and he’s absolutely terrified of sudden sexual vulnerability. He himself often says he values his own struggle between feeling so weak and being strong again 

Besides: He’d have problems squeezing hookups into his schedule and lifestyle, he’d have to cut down on things and create a double life. Plus, Yuzu is famously inept with social interaction up close, he flees the noise and unpredictability. So, it’s better to have a long-term partner. If he doesn’t know something yet, he has it down in one day like the single axel. Definitely counts on his partner teaching him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

We know Yuzu’s signature move is the lean-back Ina Bauer. So, whatever position allows for an arch is the real deal (cough, taking the strap — oh my god his ass is made for it). But anyway, he can pull off anything with that stellar flexibility and core strength. 

If I think about it. Yuzu might like sitting on your lap very much. I know it’s not a sex position, I mean it can be once his inner lapdancer awakens or you use a strap-on, I rather mean... just for some sweet moments and making out. But yeah: Fathom Yuzu gyrating on your like that. Not in an outright lascivious manner or Chippendales style. The Hanyu way, with embellishments and all the grace. This is gonna be a huge turn-on and perfect foreplay position.  

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not much to elaborate here: Yep, Yuzu is true goofball indeed. Really flustered and clumsy when eye-to-eye in missionary, and yet: He’s ultra serious towards the end, there’s gonna be an aggressive staredown before cumming. The feeling gets pretty intense, his duality between silly and ‘yeah, give it to me’ is no joke.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Would probably die from inflammation if he shaved clean under those tight suits and did all these chafe-heavy skating routines. Doesn’t have a lot of body hair to begin with, but for pits and pubes, it’s alive, wild, and decently long. Out of all people, Yuzu cares particularly about aesthetics, but in this case pragmatism will prevail. He doesn’t care too much about it either as long as it doesn’t get in the way of something. Having sex with Yuzu tends to be well um well all about a hundred types of friction so any stubble would be a bad idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You haven’t seen a guy in love like that. It’s a figure skater thing for sure. Since he works to portray these sentiments on the ice daily, hardly anybody can play up feelings so delicately and palpably like Yuzuru. Emotion is what his entire career is built on. He knows how to express himself directly, appropriately, intimately. Couldn’t be any more romantic. Yuzu can’t go without it. 

Very passionate, ‘for your eyes only’ kind of atmosphere. Yes, he shows off on the ice, it’s his job (although of course, that word doesn’t really sum up what skating means to him). But private Yuzu is someone you can claim as yours. He will make it clear, he wants to belong to you, he’s yours, dedicated, devotion is the entire point. Less with a slant of what some subs like, very hands-on ownership of a mistress. It’s more emotional. He’s really attached and all smitten. Your private little haven is everything to him. 

Talking about little: Yuzu can be quite a pillow prince sometimes. At least when the initiative doesn’t go back and forth as it frequently does, you often alternate with suggestions and ways of tweaking an ongoing play session. You blindfold him or tie his wrists, He might be standard tired from practice or just fascinated to watch you work your magic on him. 

He also likes music to set the tone for intimacy, who’s surprised. Prepare: Yuzu likes dramatic classical music all the way. He’s probably one of the few people who can make it more than ‘classy’ and definitely more than cringe. He selects pieces very well. This is gonna be a practice template to cum together when the music reaches its peak. Makes the whole thing full of adrenaline.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Lots of fun to him. Would beat it 24/7 if the ice wasn’t calling him. Drowns himself in lube. This guy’s me-time is so rated R, Cardi B would be inspired to remix WAP to wet ass penis as an anthem just for him. A dry dick is a ruined day for Yuzuru, as is a session without teasing his prostate in whatever way he currently fancies. Once he tried it, he never went back. The intensity knocking him out is something that Yuzu thinks about all the time. Strokes like a pro, does all these little moans, can do it forever, loves the feeling, chases the high. Adrenaline junkie on the ice? No different with his hand around his cock. 

Will masturbate everywhere in the house and has to really get his head in the game to make sure he won’t ruin any carpets. So, he always has at least two towels with him. In the kitchen, in front of the TV, in the shower, the bed. Watches his fair share of eclectic porn, he gets really desperate. Especially before you started dating, Yuzu would shut himself in until the lotion ran out. Can jack off to something romantic (he starts crying) or something extreme (he loves shocking himself and ). 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Very curious about sadomasochism. Googles a lot of things that make him hard during the day. Often jawdropped by his research, but once he tries things out with you, nothing can really shock him anymore. Absolutely wants to be collared, it’s his biggest fantasy. Another little secret he has, Yuzu is decked out in skating gloves, right. He wishes he could feel you wearing them, or he keeps them on for sex himself, the lacey transparent ones. Looks especially pretty when his wrists are tied so, major photograpy material. Oh yes, Yuzu likes the camera, he can work it. The guy is photogenic in any position and can strike any angle you want. Your phone background is a new Yuzu snapshot every week already, imagine your gallery, 5800 kinky pictures.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I’m gonna say it. The frozen lake out of town, late at night, condoms and lube with you. A quickie that will leave your genitals frozen. Yuzu might get stuck inside you because it’s -15 Celsius. Call that fantasy on ice. Jokes aside: Come on, Yuzu is the biggest ever hermit homebody. The couch will have a bunch of indents after your week-long fucking sessions after he comes home training. Also, at his desk while he does work for university. You ride him, Yuzu studies. Double the ambition. His dick is completely sore. The lake out of town thing might go down, but without sex. Just skating together under the stars, Yuzu doing amazing spins and spirals around you, very very romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Yuzu is a crazed Sagittarius. Have you seen these men? They just want it all. Must be the influence of Jupiter. Zeus was definitely vibing that way. And yes, Yuzu has borderline unhealthy gold medal thinking in bed. He wants to be not just good but damn good with pleasing you. If you don’t have a good time and head home without an orgasm, he’ll consider himself a failure. Yuzu won’t cut himself any slack there. You’d have a hard time changing his ways into something more chill and moderate. Instead, you will see the benefits of rolling with it once you see how improvement fuels him and does make sex really mindblowing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Couldn’t do things like slapping you, spanking. Yuzu makes for a terrible daddy dom, it’d not suit him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cum-dripping oral mess, Yuzu is the brave kind. Totally into it, and can’t resist a good blowjob. Will act different afterwards, there’s a lot of erotic tension. “This evening again?” is what those eyes are saying.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Outstanding kinesthetic intelligence. Every inch of his body follows his intent, and yours if you have him take on certain ways of kneeling. Yuzu can do it all, whatever you want. Tantalizing, moderato, overwhelmingly fast. He can take it, he can portray it. And knows the value of a pause like a true connoisseur. Not just when he wants to prevent cumming early, also just because the moment is right. That’s why cockwarming is a staple, as well as you having him wait patiently for kisses. To top it off: If you give him a blowjob, building up the tension by doing nothing is damn effective. The ruined orgasms you’re gonna give him... delicious.

Everything’s gonna have nice transitions as well, no awkward climbing and rolling and tangling limbs. If he gets something from another room that you need, no slouching. The university course as good as the extracurricular activities. Being inconsistent with any subsidiary details? Not in the Hanyu household, he’s keeping it classy. Yuzu feels like if he makes the bridges to new positions even remotely messy, the feeling is killed and it’s as if he’d break character mid-skate. Although he’ll have to practice and refine and test a lot of things because he’s not super experienced and adapting to your own movements is an individualized thing to do, he’s a masterclass of quality, period.

Even when things get fast and heated, nothing feels off. Having that kind of body smartness also means: Yuzu learns by touch, whatever you do. He knows by the way you pull his hair what comes next. How much saliva drips off your tongue when you suck at his neck, he knows how hard you’ll to ravage him in five minutes. This guy observes things you aren’t even conscious of because his physical understanding is just so fine-tuned.

The sense of rhythm, and every skating programme of him will showcase that, unbeatable. Unless his mood is really impacted by something severe, your guy feels it in every bone. He’s an artist, after all, he listens to music all the time. Dissecting rhythms to turn them into movement is what his line of work is all about. The pace will always fit the mood. Everything is precise, but never crude. Instead, the way he moves is dictated by an inherent flow. With little accents that match right with any thrust, like putting his hands on your sides when you’re on top of him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hit it Shakira: Whenever, wherever! He seemingly carries an entire condom factory with him. Or, to be more exact: At least three of them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

This one’s a complicated case. Yuzu being reckless on the ice may or may not mirror in your private life. He might need some downtime, so bring out the soft domme stuff. No trial and error stuff, just going through a routine of things you love the most. On the other hand, he always gives it all. This guy’s endurance at your hands is amazing. Advanced kinds of BDSM he will not feel deterred from at all. Rough toys, anal hooks, sounding, whips, why not is Yuzu’s motto. But then again. He has such a confusing mix of innocence and feeling like he’s completely hardcore. You might end up experimenting a lot, but also not daring the leap sometimes because the mood is different. And then rather go for softer hours, where Yuzu will be all shy shy and more bursting with excitement than ever. A good, interesting mix is what I’m saying.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Yuzuru, once he gets a bit of practice to gauge the situation... Viagra on two legs, absolute unexpected powerhouse. You might end up pondering to work out a little and go for a run because this guy is in a consistently outstanding shape to say the least. Olympic athletes are literally hard to fuck with. And since Yuzu is starfishing sometimes (which is very adorable), or he’s in bondage for some time, that presents a further problem: For a second round, he’s full of energy, while you already spent energy. So, you alternate with who’s active, and the other leans back entirely. He has to remind himself since his body is programmed for it: This is no contest — the point is feeling good.

You might ride him reverse cowgirl all the way while you watch TV, and after the overstimulation fades he will eat you out ad nauseam, full course slobbering, sweeping the whole menu. That way, it’s less about keeping up with him, which would be hard for most people not doing sports at his galactic level. He understands, Yuzu knows he’s not normal in that regard, you don’t have to worry. Some exercise still doesn’t hurt, just to further increase the quality of sex anyway.

Then again: Why go jogging and do some laps wasting valuable together time when Yuzu’s lap is the best workout? And running doesn’t guarantee your stamina in bed is perfect even if it does help. You rather wanna manage how to draw out the arousal. It’s a self-control thing, with the goal of having you match up in every aspect as good as you can. In which case, you can count on him to pull it off: Have you seen Yuzu doing jumps side by side with a bunch of female skaters? Copy paste. This guy knows how to synchronize with the ladies.

Something that has to be mentioned beside that, though. Yuzu has asthma since 2 years old, and it’s often a mind thing to him still these days. He doesn’t let it stop him from sleeping with you because as always, he’s not letting anything get in his way. He has learned to live and thrive with it. But you both have to mind the possibility of an attack, he prevents it with inhalers, and the mood plays a crucial role. Yuzu being comfortable and confident is so important to his breathing, and keeping a good rhythm rather than being chaotic in bed. So, you will plan most of your sexual activities rather than improvising. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Would stuff an entire sex shop into his every available orifice. Yuzu is a toy freak, he wants to try everything. Motto: a new one every day. Well, almost. But he can afford it. Buys stuff he uses solely on himself, things you use on him, things he uses solo and you use on him, and as the cherry on top, every possible high end vibrator on the market for you. Any size, too. This bitch will browse through the latest innovations, prepare to get off. He’s obsessed with seeing you use it on yourself. Yuzu owns a separate phone just for videos of you buzzing your clit, and him fingering you for minutes and minutes. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Extremely so. Loves to be a total brat only to get put into his place. He does it so you’ll pull the chin grab on him. He likes getting choked out as a punishment as well. Yuzu also tends to be very around the corner if you will when it comes to soft subbing, he lays over expecting cuddles but doesn’t say so. Buds his head against your chest, nuzzles, and so on. Lighter forms of teasing come to him very easily. Loves to prompt. Roughhousing, banter, favorite thing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud because his voice is very very light, but unsurprisingly — he’s just beautiful. What a nice tone. Gorgeous whimpering sounds. And when you go hard on him, voice cracks! And really heavy breathing. What’s gonna be the most striking though is his expressiveness. We know it from the ice and interviews, and he can really amp it up even further. No need for screaming, that face will speak the volumes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ll be blessed with him if you have a huge crying kink. Yuzu definitely opens the waterworks every other week in bed. Happy tears, horny tears, relief tears, aftercare tears, orgasm tears, masochist tears, romantic tears, subspace tears, he has it all. He also begs for the type of pain that makes it stream down his face for minutes. He’s touchy-feely all the way and feels like he can really connect with you that way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His ass twitching is kind of a spectacle, but I don’t have to tell you, do I. Yuzu has muscles for the gods in there. So voluptuous, you can’t call it any other way. Big booty boyfriend, Jesus you can show him off, he loves it. Around the house, he will flaunt them big ole athlete buns in particular, acting like it’s unintended. Um, Yuzu, those are joggings. Smack it, he is sure to moan. 

And may I respectfully mention as well — this guy has some major big ass balls figuratively and literally. How else would someone be motivated to jump a triple axel like it’s nothing. Not kidding, they’re big and round and ugh. His love for tight pants doesn’t help. He knows what your eyes like and dresses just to flex the goods. Screams for more spanking and pinching if you ask me. Yuzu is definitely serving it. Well-endowed, you lucky girl.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mega horny, ready when you are. On a scale from zero to hundred? Breaching into the 90 percent right there. Yuzu’s hormones are literally insane. On paper he’s 26, but his dick wants the 18th birthday party. Jesus is he gonna be clingy when he’s in the mood. All wrapped around you in a backhug in the kitchen or when you iron a costume of his, and that’s sexy of him. He’s not gonna hide what’s filling out those sweatpants. He’ll desperately grind up against you like it’s Christmas.

Paired with his puppy eyes and little “Do you have some time... I’ll iron this tomorrow” — instant pounce. He’s admittedly a bit hard to keep up with sometimes, though. The reason: With that level of exercise, he has major pent-up energy. That machine is definitely running. Heavy sports changes your hormones, nervous system, and especially blood flow. Now take that to the scale of his performances and regimens? That equals a firework of horny. No wonder he masturbates all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes some time. He cools down, sweats it out, chugs water. However, don’t underestimate how tired Yuzu can already be. His daily routines and competitions have a toll on him. Ironically, he’s not a deep sleeper, however. Yuzu might toss and turn and have sudden energy bursts, or ideas, or gets hungry. So, he needs his plushies, he needs a weighted blanket, warm pajamas, a hot cup of his favorite warm drink, a light snack, and you by his side. Spooning him excessively and sometimes even humming to him. Yuzu looks like a certified angel on his pillow, his well-deserved rest from everything is so important, too.

NOTE - hope i could indulge you, thank you for reading!

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed. depictions fictional.

[jackandthesoulmates]

The Fox, The Serpent and The Vulture

Author: jackandthesoulmates / tintentrinkerin

Title: The Fox, The Serpent and The Vulture

Created for @winklinebingo, @spnkinkbingo, @deanandsambingo, @samwinchesterbingo

Squares filled: Bisexual (winklinebingo / deanandsambingo), gender swap (samwinchesterbingo), cunnilingus (spnkinkbingo)

Pairing: Winkline & Wincest

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, bdsm themes

Additional tags: fem!jack, threesome, squirting, top!sam, dirty talk

Word count: 4,975

It was a joke, really.

Neither Sam nor Dean meant anything by it when, in a whiskey driven conversation, they told Jack about the "girl thing".

"What’s the girl thing?", Jack asked, totally unimpressed by whiskey.

Alcohol never affected him really. Sam and Dean laughed about it, nudged each other, like they sometimes did. Looking at each other sneakily. It made Jack jealous and happy at the same time. Dean leaned forward and almost fell off the couch but Sam had his back.

"Easy."

"I’m easy."

"Yeah, I know."

Dean snorted and brushed Sam’s hand away.

"So, listen, Jackyboy. Sam and I once opened one of the locked rooms here in the bunker. The whole room was full with black magic stuff. We found vials with cum-"

Sam interrupted, "How about you leave the gritty details and tell him about the girl thing."

"Yeah, right. The girl thing."Dean chuckled.

He had a slight squint when he was drunk and Jack loved this detail about him a lot.

"We’ve found something that looked like a normal wooden box. Well, I thought it’s just a damn wooden box, what could happen? It had no symbols, no runes, nothing that would tell you to keep your frickin’ hands off the thing, you know? And it felt light, nothing clattering inside. So I opened it. And whoosh! Next thing I know is Sam and I had boobs."

Jack frowned.

"Just boobs?"

Sam cleared his throat and intervened before Dean could say any more.

"No, not only boobs. We were kind of… sex swapped. We were girls."

It looked like Sam wouldn’t like the topic of having boobs and Jack didn’t ask any further. He knew Dean would spill more information sooner or later like he always did when he had half a bottle of Jim or Jack or whoever.

"Yeah and it was awesome, kid. Having boobs is the bomb, you can just, you know? Touch yourself all day? I spent a lot of time playing with my nipples."

"He did."

"Sam, did you play with your nipples, too?"

A fine, sticky spray of whiskey blew across the room when Sam spat his drink in surprise. Dean had to help him, pat his back and make him drink some water before Sam could really answer to that.

"He didn’t", Dean laughed, still rubbing Sam’s back, "I played with his nipples. And his p-"

"Dean! Jack, you go to bed, I think we shouldn’t have any more whiskey."

Sam was still coughing up and Jack worried he might really swallowed too much alcohol. Jack once choked on soda, it was icky.

Later when Sam brought Jack to his room, Jack waited five minutes before sneaking out again. As usual, Dean’s door stood open just enough to peek through. Jack sometimes did that. He didn’t mean to peep on the brothers, it just happened one day and now here he was. Again.

"Damn, I would kill to eat some pussy", Dean groaned, rolling in the sheets.

He was naked completely and obviously horny, his cock was hard and Jack’s mouth watered at the sight. Now he could see Sam come out of the ensuite bathroom, naked as well. Sam’s cock was bigger than Dean’s, and when Jack compared it to his own, he also outclassed the Nephil. Jack loved looking at Sam and Dean like this, he loved seeing them fuck.

He could hear Sam sigh, see him rub his full, deliciously hard length two times before crawling on Dean’s bed.

"Yeah, sometimes some pussy would be nice."

Sam gripped Dean’s hair and bent his head back. Jack could hear Dean groan and saw his toes curl when Sam’s hand wrapped around Dean’s cock and jerked him in a hard and fast pace.

"Fuck, Sammy…"

"I would love to have some pussy, too, brother. Your pretty hole is so tight and hot, but it’s not wet itself, lubricating is so time consuming."

Sam spat in his hand and then continued jerking Dean, who was whimpering now, burying his face on Sam’s broad, heaving chest.

"Sammy, I’d love to see you fuck a girl…"

"I know, I know, you dirty little cuck… you nasty pervert. It’s never enough for you…"

The way Sam talked to Dean made even Jack painfully hard.

And that’s when Jack tiptoed back to his room. First he got off on the sight of such a subby Dean and a dominant, calm, and adamantine Sam. When Jack would focus on it, he could even hear Dean’s whimpers and moans, and for God’s sake he could hear these dirty things Sam whispered in Dean’s ear, about what a filthy whore he was. Jack could hear the grunting, oh fuckfuckfuck, the grunting made him cum twice. Usually, when the brothers were done having sex, Jack would always retreat and let them have their cuddling and whisper the sweeter nothings in privacy.

In this very heated and whiskey drenched night Jack decided to give it a go.

It was easy, way too easy, when Jack thought about it thoroughly. Sometimes Sam was maybe right, using his powers for shenanigans like this was a bit risky, stupid, useless?

They said, they missed a girl in bed.

The only logical conclusion to Jack was, if he wanted to please the brothers (and he wanted to!), to become a girl. Finally make them notice Jack as a sexual being.

God dammit, all Jack wanted was to finally get fucked.

Dean draws his gun first when he sees the girl sitting in the library. She’s buried in a book, glossy honey blonde hair falling down like a curtain, hiding her face.

"Who are you? Show yourself!", Dean commands.

Weapon on the ready, Dean steps down the stairs and approaches her, but when she looks up he feels like he is in some weird dream. He lowers the gun and opens his mouth. It takes a breath or two before he processes what he sees.

"Jack?"

Jack, or the female version of Jack, smiles at him and gets up. She’s slender, but has well rounded, big breasts and wide hips. Dean gulps. Jack is a pretty boy, but he is a hell of a stunning woman. If it’s really him.

"Yes, it’s me."

His voice is high and clear as a bell, hair is long and thick, reaching down to his hip. Jack turns around two times and shows off his body to Dean.

"Do you like it, Dean?", he asks.

Dean raises his eyebrows and he feels a tingle. That’s not possible. He’s not hot for Jack. No no.

"You look pretty, but-" Dean must lower the gun. "Why are you- I mean? How? Did you touch a cursed object?"

Jack laughs. Oh dear, that sounds so sweet.

"No, I wanted to try it. Be a girl. You made me curious, to be honest. With the boobs thing."

"Yeah, right. The boob thing."

Dean roughly remembers this night a few days ago when he definitely dropped too much information. Again. It always happens when he gets drunk, comfortable and maybe a bit horny. What really puts Dean off here is that female Jack wears a mini skirt and a crop top. Overall he reveals a lot of his body. Sam would definitely act all motherly now and give Jack something to put on. Just so Sam could hide he’d be turned on by that sight as well. It was like Jack could read minds. That Sam and Dean just didn’t get the girl thing out of their heads. How could he know?

Dean has even downloaded a dating app to maybe look for a girl interested in having a threesome with him and Sam.

"I’m glad you like it. Pink is my color, I think. And white. Oh, and gold. Doesn’t it suit me? What do you think?"

"Uh", Dean says. Very clever, Winchester.

This is when Sam finally comes to the rescue.

"What’s going on here? Dean what- What is that?"

"That is Jack", Dean says.

"I see that", Sam replies, also a little confused, "but why are you female all of a sudden?"

They settle the argument about why and how Jack became a girl, just like that. He told them he just wished for it to happen and after an hour of sleep he woke up like this.

Both Winchesters are intrigued. Dean can’t even hide how attracted he is to Jack’s appearance, Sam is more distant, but Jack is able to feel both of their heartbeats if he wants to. And their bodies are ooze sex hormones in doses that would even make humans smell and jump at it.

They smell sweet and tangy. Jack knows it, he smells it a lot around the bunker. He would describe it like the smell of black berries and juniper if someone asked him to put it in over-embellished words.

It’s deeply satisfying to see them squirm and reek of lust. Jack needs to be careful though. He knows it’s a very fine line he’s tumbling along.

It’s the same evening and the mood shifts.

Whiskey time again for Dean. He’s chugging lots and Sam is doing a lot of booze, too. Jack is pretty sure it’s their way of coping, soften the edges of the new situation but all they do is go deep down the rabbithole. The inhibition threshold sinks with every sip of whiskey.

Jack didn’t change his clothes, he’s still wearing the white crop top and the pink tartan miniskirt, his thighs decorated with stockings. He likes the golden jewellery, it’s shiny and warm in the dim light of the lamps in the library. But what he did… he put off the bra and the thong he was wearing this afternoon.

So far, he’s modest, or appears so, legs crossed and clinging on his whiskey tumbler. He’s a trap and ready for one of the Winchesters to finally take the bait. He’s here, he’s willing and both of them lick their lips by just looking at him. Sam is so disciplined, avoids Jack’s gaze but Jack knows he’s looking between Jack’s thighs. He imagines how warm and wet Jack would be.

It’s Dean, who breaks the seal then, like Jack thought. Maybe he would’ve done it himself, if Dean didn’t go forward.

"I wonder what your boobs feel like."

Sam’s breathing stops. Jack rejoices.

"You want to touch them?", he offers, bending forward, now revealing his cleavage to the brothers and it’s obvious he doesn’t wear a bra.

There’s a moment of insecurity, Dean and Sam exchange a very telling look.

"Yeah wanna", Dean slurs.

Jack looks over to Sam.

"You wanna touch them, too?", he asks hopefully.

Sam just looks at him with dark eyes, his jaw clenched, lips a thin line.

"I guess that’s a no?", Jack now teases.

He gets up and climbs in Dean’s lap, grabs his head and presses Dean’s face in his cleavage. There’s half hearted fightback before Dean leans in and utters muffled curses on Jack’s skin. Jack is sensitive, even more than as with his male body, and he can feel Dean’s excitement grow in his pants. With a satisfied sigh Jack looks over to Sam.

Invites him. Lures him.

Come on, Sam. I know you want it. You want me.

Dean’s hands wander over Jack’s skin, makes him sigh and tingle between his legs. One hand is worming under the seam of Jack’s miniskirt, slides down the curve of his mound and then stops. Dean moans and pulls back. His green eyes are beaming with arousal. Jack grins.

"Shit, you’re not wearing panties."

"No, I’m not. You like it?"

"You bet I do!"

Dean’s hand is warm and rough, feels strong. Jack unzips the miniskirt at the back and loosens the seam to make it easier for Dean to slide his hand deeper. Both gasp at the sensation when Dean rubs Jack’s clit, just slightly. Jack’s hips jerk up. It feels great. Raw. Intense. Jack’s hand cups Dean’s, encourages him to continue.

"Dean", Jack whispers against Dean’s cheek. "It feels so good."

Sam gets up. It’s a sudden movement and Dean and Jack flinch simultaneously. Jack looks up in Sam’s face and he damn, he looks angry. Barely containing something primal, rageous.

"Sammy, you good?", Dean slurs, looking up at his brother.

He’s swaying gently, like in a subtle breeze. Without another word Sam drags Jack away from Dean and throws Jack over his shoulder. Jack is so surprised, he can’t even fight back or resist.

"You’re coming with us, Jack", Sam says, his voice sharp and low.

Oh God, yes. That’s the tone Jack wants to hear.

"Where are you taking me?", he asks, head dangling down, nose brushing Sam’s back.

Sam’s hands hold Jack tight, one on his thigh, dangerously close to Jack’s buttcheeks, the other around Jack’s now tiny shoulders.

"To bed", is all Sam says.

Jack is let down. Not in a soft or gentle way, it’s more another throw on the bed. He feels like he’s become prey and Sam is the predator.

The mattress is hard, harder than the one in Jack’s bed. He doesn’t mind at all though. Lying on his back Jack gets up on his elbows and looks over to the brothers. Sam towers over Jack like a dark broad mountain. Jack loves the sight of Sam, he always has. Since the day Jack was born. Sam was the first person he did ever see. His picture would always be the first thing he’d think about when he woke, when he fell asleep and all the daydreaming in between. He gasps softly while Sam takes off the skirt that’s already hanging on his hips crookedly. Sam looks up. Oh this grin. It gives Jack violent shivers.

"Dean? What do you think? Who should eat this pussy out first? You? Me? Hm?", Sam purrs while he gets up to peel himself out of his shirt and plaid. Dean does the same. His ears are beaming red and Jack feels for Dean’s heart, beating like a hummingbird. He’s nervous. That’s cute and unusual, Dean didn’t lose his cool that easily. Only Sam would always appear even calmer. Even now.

"I want Dean first", Jack whispers.

Sam raises an eyebrow. Looks at Dean. Dean smirks and says:

"I don't mind."

Jack reaches for Dean while Sam lays down beside them. Dean's weight feel calming for Jack, who gets shivers and an ohsobeating heart himself. When their lips touch and Dean's tongue slides in Jack's mouth both start moaning. Jack's hips thrust up in a sudden jolt of heat. He knows it's arousal, he kept jerking in his hand when he masturbated to the thought of Sam and Dean fucking. But this feeling is so much more intense. It's a heat that feels like his belly is swelling first, then clenching together. Dean tastes of whiskey and honey, it's a pleasant taste mixed with his sweet heavy scent of desire. Jack pulls Dean closer and moans softly in his open mouth. His legs open freely for what's to come.

"Damn, Jack… you make me feel all dizzy…", Dean groans.

Jack chuckles quietly and combs his hair.

"Please go down on me", he says. "Show me how you treat a girl."

There's a growl. It's Sam's. Jack is wildly aware that he's watching them, rubbing his cock through his pants. And Dean does what Jack pleads him to, he slides down Jack's now soft body, covers it in kisses. It makes Jack thrust up again and sigh in pleasure. This is his first time, it doesn't scare him at all. He's aroused, he's hot, enjoyable shivers all over. Dean's fingers feel over Jack's thighs, rub gently. He takes his time to explore Jack a little. Kiss his belly button, his hips and over Jack's hairless mound.

"You even shaved for us, look at that", Dean purrs.

Sam's hands pull up the crop top and reveal Jack's full and round breasts. His nipples are hard already and when Sam bends over to suck them Jack jerks up again.

"It's so good", he moans, breathless. "Don't stop. Claim me."

It makes Sam growl again, show his teeth and bite Jack's sensitive nipples. Dean's face disappears between Jack's legs. Jack has of course basic knowledge of the male and female body, he knows what Dean is about to do. He read that some women like, some don't.

Dean's warm and pliant tongue slides between Jack's labia, exploring slowly but it's enough for Jack to whimper and cover his mouth with a hand. He's so loud!

"No, no. Don't."

Sam forces Jack's hand away.

"You sound so sweet, Jack. Your girl voice is as wonderful as your usual one."

Oh how is Sam so gentle and so cruel at the same time?

Jack can't answer, he's too distracted by Dean's warm tongue licking up and down his labia and then meeting the clit. Jack feels like he's about to die. Explode. Combust. He fists the sheets and his legs kick helplessly.

It's wonderful, agonizing. Jack wants to get away from Dean's tongue that licks along his pussy and on the other hand he wants grip Dean tighter, force his tongue inside and make him fuck Jack. Slowly, Dean's lips cup Jack's clit. He sucks on it. Just slightly. There's not much suction needed to make Jack go crazy.

"Fuck… oh…"

Dean's fingers brush along Jack's trembling thighs and then, Jack feels one finger sliding inside. Dean groans against Jack's clit and pulls back for a moment.

"Fuck, you're so wet."

Dean slides finger in and out, slowly, enjoyable and arches it.

"Is she now? Let me feel it."

Sam's hand lingers down and pushes Dean's hand away. Sam's finger is bigger. Longer. But Dean's is deliciously thick. Stretching him. Sam feels for Jack's vagina and rubs his insides softly.

"You're right. Jackgirl here is soaking wet. Damn, I bet you taste like heaven. Come, have a lick."

Jack licks his own juice off Sam's finger, sucks it, while Dean sucks on the swollen and sensitive clit. He adds another finger. It hurts a bit, but Jack is too excited to give a damn about it. Dean's finger and his tongue make him lose control over his voice.

"More", Jack whines, "gimme more, Dean, I wanna cum… I wanna cum so bad…"

Both brothers utter their pleasure noises, soft moans from Dean and a guttural deep sound coming com Sam. Dean’s fingers stretch Jack apart and after a few thrusts that feel like he’s still holding back, he starts fucking Jack with his fingers. It’s a hard rhythm and the arched fingers rub a sweet spot inside Jack. The pressure builds and builds and he’s thrusting against Dean’s fingers, wants to feel them deeper, harder, more. His tongue circles around Jack’s clit, and that’s what drives Jack crazy the most. It feels like an open flame held against sensitive skin. His fingers tangle in Dean’s hair, pulling it. Pulling them closer together. Dean’s grinding the mattress now, moans dripping over his lips while sucking and licking Jack into new heights.

"I’m gonna cum", Jack cries, "oh God I’m gonna…"

Dean’s movements are almost frantic now and his moans turn into hoarse and deep growls. Jack’s eyes roll back, but Sam forces him to look him in the eyes.

"Look at me, baby", Sam whispers, "Let me see how you cum…"

Jack moans loudly, too turned on to care. The tension in his body reaches the maximum and then, with a sudden and heavenly feeling of release Jack cums. He looks in Sam’s dark eyes while his body arches and his legs kick, his hips thrust against Dean’s face.

It’s a feeling of being blown away completely, the convulsions of his body shake him violently and then, after the first big boom Jack falls back in the sheets, fingers still entangled with Dean’s hair.

The mattress feels wet around his buttcheeks and when Dean looks up, he smirks and says, obviously very pleased, "Who thought Jackgirl would be a squirter."

"He is?", Sam asks and looks down at Dean.

He notices Dean’s wet face and when Dean pulls out his fingers - Jack winces and feels empty - he shows that his hand and arm are wet. Jack’s juices are running down Dean’s wrist and chin and drip on the mattress.

"Not much, but… yeah. We can work on that."

Jack feels embarrassed and covers his face with one hand.

"Is that good or bad? Oh God I ruined the sheets."

Sam chuckles and kisses Jack’s forehead.

"It’s nothing bad, not at all. It turns us on, actually."

"A lot", Dean adds.

Jack sighs in relief.

"Oh, good. I was worried for a moment."

Dean gets up and lies down beside Jack, he’s in the middle of the Winchester’s now, Sam nibbling on his neck and Dean’s hand gropes Jack’s tits, which doesn’t feel bad at all. It feels great. He gets to kiss each of them, feel their tongues and hungry mouths. Their aching for more and Jack is aching as well. There’s so much he wants to try while the spell lasts.

"Fuck me", he mumbles at Sam’s lips, feeling for Dean’s hand. "Both of you."

They need to contain themselves but Jack can sense their heartbeats, jumping wildly and oh god, that sweet heavy smell they ooze from every pore. He turns to Sam, one hand is still wrapped around Dean.

"You first", he whispers, "you get to have your cock in my pussy first.."

"As you wish, sweetheart", Sam coos, pressing a kiss on Jack’s lips.

It’s such a tender gesture, Jack wonders how Sam manages to stay that calm when Jack and Dean are the ones being over excited. Sam gets up and pulls his pants plus underwear down and damn, he’s big. Jack has only seen him from afar until today but now he sees how thick he is. Oh, holy son of God, will he be able to take it? Dean kisses Jack’s shoulder, but Jack feels how he peels himself out of the rest of his clothes, too.

When Sam mounts Jack, it feels like the room gets suddenly darker, Sam is just huge in every sense of the word. It’s thrilling and Jack feels his hips grind against Sam’s. They share a breathless kiss before Sam pulls away and spreads Jack’s legs.

"Damn, you’re so wet, I bet that’s not gonna hurt at all. But if it does, tell me."

Jack nods. He doesn’t mind a bit of pain if that means to finally feel Sam all the way inside.

Sam looks at Dean.

"And you, babe. Look closely how I stretch her for you. Are you jealous already?"

They exchange a glance and a hint of a smile. It’s their game, Jack knows. And he loves to be part of it and give both something they desire. It’s more than just about the sex, Jack knows.

Dean then looks down on himself, slightly stroking. He’s even thicker than Sam; the sight makes Jack shiver in anticipation.

"Yes, a bit, Sammy…"

"I wish you had such a tight wet pussy, it’s so much better…"

Dean’s eyes turn wet, but he loves it, Jack can see it all over, Dean is beaming.

Sam wraps his cock, holds it steady. Jack watches him closely, how he comes closer and then Sam’s tip rubs over Jack’s clit and he moans. It feels good, the friction itself is already making him ache for an orgasm again.

Sam’s cock slides in, inch after inch. The stretch hurts, but Jack is indeed so wet, so slippery, Sam goes all the way in. He groans and Jack’s fingernails scratch his arm.

"Oh fuck,... Sam…!"

Dean moans and almost squishes Jack’s long thin fingers with the pressure. Jack wraps his legs around Sam’s hips and even lets him glide in a tiny bit deeper.

"Hurts?"

"Yes, but not very much. Keep going…"

Jack relaxes, but his legs press Sam close, there’s no way he can retreat much now.

"Come on, touch her clit, babe", Sam whispers to Dean.

And he does as wished, Jack loves it and encourages Dean "Yes, touch me, please, I wanna cum again… feel my swollen clit, rub it."

It drives Jack crazy, how both of them now stimulate his body, rub and circle his clit and Sam’s delicious big cock is pounding inside him.

"Sam.. Sam, I wanna… I wanna ride you", Jack moans, feeling the climax coming, but it’s not enough just yet. He needs more.

"Hmmm, yes, sure, baby… Can do that…"

Sam pulls out and lies down, Jack straddles him and uses his hand to let Sam penetrate him the right angle. He puts his hands beside Sam’s hips and starts moving, starts showing off his boobs and Sam touches them while thrusting up. Fuck, Sam is a sight! It makes Jack even wetter and Dean kneels him now, reaching forward and rubbing Jack’s clit through two of his fingers.. Jack cries and leans against Dean’s chest. He’s covered in sweat already. Dean’s other hand fists Jack’s hair. It’s all over the best thing Jack could ever think of, being in the middle of the men he wants so bad.

"You’re so big, Sam, so fucking big… I can’t…", Jack cries and gasps for air, "I’m gonna cum already…"

"That’s it, baby, yes that’s it, cum on my cock… Make me wet, babygirl."

Jack shudders, the nickname makes him feel girly and small, but also divine. Sam loves it. Dean loves it. Jack loves it! The feeling of pressure and tension grows and grows, Jack’s movements stagger, but he needs more and more. Harder. Dean’s fingers are drenched in Jack’s wetness and his clit feels like it’s bursting. And then Jack cums on top of Sam. Dean holds him up that he won’t fall over, presses his fingers in Jack’s sensitive, now over stimulated skin. Sam’s fingertips dig deep in Jack’s hips as he thrusts up. He looks like he’s about to break into violence, Jack knows this facial expression. When Sam is hunting a thing down and he owns it, before breaking its neck. Jack shudders and mumbles sweet and encouraging nothings.

"Yes, Sam, please fill me up, I want your cum inside me... Give it to me!"

Sam growls and then slams his cock inside Jack, it makes him tumble and needs to grip Dean's hands to hold him steady, then Sam cums. His sounds are animalistic and raw, Jack loves every second of it. From behind, Dean’s raging erection presses against Jack’s ass and he knows it’s time also for him. Jack crawls off Sam, who is breathing heavy, hissing when he slides out of Jack’s dripping wet and stretched vagina. But he rolls to the side and lets Jack have the space he needs. He’s on all fours now, wiggling his butt against Dean.

"I know you want it, come here and fuck me… use your brothers’ cum as lube, huh?"

It’s a surprise - Dean pushes Jack’s back down, makes him to arch it and then even forces his face in the pillows. Jack moans, overwhelmed, but definitely turned on. Dean is way rougher than he appears, his cock slams into Jack’s dripping vagina like a battering ram, makes Jack cry and plead. Not to make him stop. Jack wants more. Needs more. God, he wants it to hurt, he wants to feel Sam and Dean until tomorrow.

"Yes, like that… Dean! Yesyesyes… FUCKYES!", Jack cries out, muffled through the fabric of the pillow.

"Yeah, fuck her thoroughly", Sam coos.

Kissing sounds.

"Ruin her for everyone else but us…"

Dean grunts and with a few hard thrusts he spills inside Jack, his fingernails must leave marks on his hips and ass, like Sam’s did already. He collapses onto Jack’s back and Jack relaxes, breathing heavy but he’s fine.

"Sammy", Dean whimpers, "Oh no, ah,... yes!"

"What are you guys doing?", Jack asks, there’s too much weight on him right now to turn around.

"Ah, just fingered him a bit through his orgasm."

Sam sounds utterly pleased with what he did and obviously it’s the right thing, because Dean is still shaking, his softening cock slowly slips out of Jack’s pussy.

"Damn, you guys are kinky…"

Dean laughs in a low croaky voice.

"You have no idea, sweetheart. Not yet."

When Dean finally gets off Jack and rolls beside him, Sam behind Dean, spooning him, Jack breathes in and out, eyes closed. His long glossy hair is a mess and when he opens his eyes for a moment, he looks at Dean with a satisfaction that’s beyond anything Jack ever hoped for.

"It’s pretty awesome, being a girl. I mean, being a girl in this household."

Dean brushes some strands of blonde hair out of Jack’s face and grins.

"Yeah, that was pretty amazing…", he admits. Sam kisses his shoulder and nods.

"It was. Thank you."

Jack blushes.

"No need to thank me, I wanted it as bad as you."

The brothers look at him, at first Jack thinks, they’re smug, but actually they just look very satisfied. Lush.

"How long will you stay like this?", Sam asks.

"I can uphold a shapeshift up to the next new moon", Jack adds. "It’s nothing that causes me a lot of work, it’s a simple spell."

"Simple, yet effective."

Jack laughs.

"Effective indeed."

After a few moments of silence, Jack feels wetness all over his body and when he gets on his arms to stand up, he feels it running down his legs.

"I’m oozing", he says, looking at Sam and Dean.

This time the grin is damn smug.

"Just the way we like it."

Another breathing silence.

"So, when’s the next new moon?"

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Stars Align 5 - 8 | Dr Stone 19 - 21 | Shinchou Yuusha 6 - 8 | No Guns Life 6 - 7 | BnHA 67 | Iruma-kun 7

Stars Align 5

Geepers, I accidentally read some spoilers before watching this episode…so I realised that the person in te clubroom was Toma without his glasses, but it took me a bit to realise still.

“Makimaki”…cute.

Don’t give Maki’s father your name, Toma. Names are weapons for guys like him!

It’s ben a while since I’ve done this type of maths, although the answer appears to be correct.

Huh? The ED went straight to the teachers instead of going to Kinuyo/Ruriha/Kaori (whatever her name is)…

Oh! That heart gesture hints at the fact he has a sister (I’ve forgotten the guy’s name though) – he might’ve learnt some dance choreography from watching idols or magical girls with her. Update: That’s Shingo.

Dr Stone 19

Rule no. 2 of shonen – don’t underestimate the bishonen.

The guy who kinda looks like Kirishima with orange hair is definitely going to be important…(rule no. ???? of anime).

Ooh! The themes I thought would never came back…came back!

Some people do consider underpaying people a modern form of slavery, y’know.

Does Tsukasa always have to be called “the strongest primate”, though…? It’s a badass title, to be sure, but it certainly wouldn’t be said a lot in a normal conversation.

Judging by the flame (homura) she carries, I’d wager her name is Homu-oh, dangit. Her name really is Homura!

Senku teaches Fire Safety 101.

Ginro’s not holding his bokuto (wooden kendo practice sword) anymore…hmm.

I didn’t think Sulfuric Acid lady would be back…ever.

The funny thing is that Tsukasa seems to be a gender-neutral name, so telling the brawny men to “go suck on Mommy Tsukasa’s teat”…LOL.

Hyoga has that mask thing of his anyway, so he’s probably better off than, say, Homura.

Is that a Death Star??????!!!!

Kensaku means “search”.

Cell phone…you’d need extensive knowledge of electronics and/or IT and architecture (for the larger networks, or at least the towers) to get one running.

“…who’ll be our double agent?” – No duh. It’s either Gen (as suggested in the scene just before) or Taiju and/or Yuzuriha.

I never thought a smartphone would make me feel sad for what has gone before, but it just did when all these quotes from the past came through.

Okay, so one of the ingredients is steel (hagane).

I love how Gen gets the wine image. He’s a stage magician, so his fancy suit matches the image of a sommelier.

Byakuya seems to be the one represented in the battery image.

BnHA 67

Yay! Amajiki, my booooooooooy!

Shinchou Yuusha 6

I never thought I’d say this to my seasonal husbandos – I don’t even say this about zaShunina, the random yandere – but…Seiya, you a**hole!

Lemme guess…Seiya’s gonna use some speed seeds?

I read on Leviae’s status earlier that she has an immunity towards fire…*gulp*

A nurikabe is a wall youkai that blocks travel, while a hyosube lives in a river and eats rice plants.

What’s the age gap between Mash and Elulu? I know Mash is hot enough (in the manga) to be compltly within my range, so I’d say he’s about 16 at the youngest, but Elulu is, what, 12…? Update: There’s no real indication as to what the characters’ ages are, but Mash is lvl 16 and Elulu is lvl 8.

Ooh, this is new! Seiya’s thrown caution to the wind for once for the sake of Elulu!

No Guns Life 6

“Strong Smells” (on the can) – Yep, Olivier seems to be proving that name right.

Motor City…I didn’t really care for it at first, but now I’m starting to warm up to it.

Ooh, it seems the implication here is that Olivier inherited the title of EMS commander from her dad.

“…I’m gonna get shot!” - I guess when you’ve got a gun for a head, the assumption is you’re gonna get shot.

Armed Tokisada seems to be this world’s version of All Might…(but then is Juzo Deku? LOL.)

Iruma-kun 7

This OP is a lot more battle-oriented than I remember…

I want a GIF of sparkly Amelie, stat!

Iruma’s voice as Rin is too CUTE! LOL!

Kawaii Comics, LOL.

Ooh! I can recognise Opera by his nail polish now…! His nail polish appears to be purple today.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Opera express his own concern for Iruma until now. Maybe he’s like a surrogate mother to Iruma by now…?

They even have monsters to call out bell noises…LOL wut.

Hmm…I just realised Azz speaks to Iruma rather formally. Not just the –sama, but the keigo as well.

Azz is rather observant too…(Seriously, I swear he’s been teetering on the edge of being my husbando from this show, but since he’s so subservient, it’s a bit of a hard concept to grasp. Not to mention the guy is, what, 14…?)

Even the shadows of background characters are blue and pink…

The little arrow over Clara really sells the moment.

The bird is so cute~!

I only realised it this year, but boba is really in, all over the world, for young people. *stares at all the boba shops that have appeared around my area lately*

I think Ameri = watashi and Iruma = boku. It’s politeness all the way ‘round. I think Sabro might’ve used ore.

“Don’t let go. Desire is your life.” – Sarazanmai ad <- I think this quote is appropriate for this episode.

Oh! We see Kuromu the Akudol in the ED…I didn’t realise that. (<- knows about her due to spoilers)

Oh! I think next episode might be Clara’s seduction class! Ooh! Interesting…

Dr Stone 20

Come to the dark side, we have candy…amirite???

Dr Stone 21

The pun here is that tou is a way to pronounce “copper” and “steal”, so Chrome copped copper in the Eng subs.

Couldn’t Ginro just use the word “s***” instead? That would’ve made the pun a lot better, tbh.

Thy translated all the dialogue in the fake menus! Yay! (<- translator’s brain showing up) For instance, Senku’s attack is listed as 1 while Suika’s is 3 and Gen’s is 5…LOL. The one that really made me laugh was “Runs away the second he knows he’s at a disadvantage. You’re scum, Ginro!”

Magma wasn’t in the fake game menu…!!! (I like how Magma questioned how Senku suddenly started calling him a “friend”.)

No Guns Life 7

I feel like the length of time between distracting the guard and Tetsuro conveying his plan was a bit much, but…okay.

Shinchou Yuusha 7

LOL, Beel Bub…y’know, Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies.

If Seiya were watching No Guns Life, he’d freak out…

Is that Cerceus in the back-yep, thought so!

Shinchou Yuusha 8

I almost expected Rosalie to woof…that’s how doglike she is!

Why do I get the feeling we’ll 1) find out what the Warmaster looks like next ep and 2) find out Rosalie’s armour is actually the armour Seiya’s meant to look for…? I could be wrong, but my intuition has some chance of being correct, even if I think up stuff that’s pure speculation…

Stars Align 6

Does Yonex sponsor this show, like Mikasa for Harukana Receive…?

LOL, Mitsue’s reaction.

If this were the Amazing Race, the hometown advantage would suck…but this is Hoshiai no Sora, so this could go either way.

“How to Soft Tennis” indeed…sic.

Wait, who’s Takada…? Update: She’s on the girls’ team, IIRC.

The Takenouchi/Souga pair is a bunch of trolls…LOL.

Oji seems to be the leader, full stop. Same way Katsuragi has been running things.

It’s been a few weeks since I last watched this show, but…is Oji the guy who threatened to punch them all…? He is, isn’t he…?

Stars Align 7

I feel like Mitsue’s bitterness is fuelled by personal experience in the manga field…

Well, the guy’s name isn’t Arashi (storm) for nothing! Update: The guy’s name is in katakana, which may or may not prove my point…

Arashi’s surname sounds like the Japanese word for “prince”, if you’re wondering.

I LOLled so hard at the line “Versus Arashi?” Y’see, there’s this game show with a group called Arashi. Therefore, its name is “Versus Arashi”.

I learnt most of what I know about tennis from Wii Sports, LOL.

I mentally cringed when I saw Itsuki’s burns again…

“…years and experience.” – That’s two things, Tacky!

Souya from Planet With would be in heaven here…what with all this meat.

Doesn’t “Kamuy” mean “god” in Ainu…? That Ouji, so conceited! *huffs at how arrogant the boy is*

Girls do eat like fiends…LOL.

I can’t believe 7 episodes in real life time was only a month in Stars Align time…

Yuta’s really sensitive to Toma’s mood…probably because the former likes the latter. (Yeah, I’m a derp for saying what we already know.)

Stars Align 8

I-I wanna cry…you do realise I gave up piano halfway through high school, only to become an absolute bum when I got into higher levels because I can’t use my piano lessons to demonstrate I can manage my time responsibly anymore???? I quit Chinese the same year and now it’s the one thing that’s preventing me from getting a bunch of beneficial opportunities because now there are so many Chinese people in my region! Studies are not your life! (distant crying can be heard in the background)

I kinda get where the mother’s going with this, but knowing what I know…please compromise, you two.

“The handsome half” – I wasn’t sure what that meant until I saw the image…”half” meaning ha-fu, or a person who’s half Japanese half something else. It’s like calling someone gweilow in Cantonese –it’s vaguely derogatory at the very minimum.

*Yuta’s sisters suggest clothes for him to wear* “Don’t tell mom about this.” – Oh, I have a bad feeling about this…(Then again, I got vaguely spoiled for this point by the This Week in Anime segment…that’s why I decided to watch 3 episodes in one shot.)

Maki’s shirt says “to continue”, as if it’s echoing his nonchalance. Like, “Yuta, please continue” or something like that.

To be real with you, the first resource I consulted to start thinking about the LGBTIQ+ spectrum (outside gender-bending fiction) was a book about an FtM person, so I guess I’m the most used to that sort of thing.

This is why empathy is so good, Maki.

Go, Mitsue! Be the diversion!

Who’s “Kanacat”? Kanako?...Oh, it’s Mitsue. Rigggggggggght.*facepalm*

Why do I get the feeling Mitsue wants to join the soft tennis club…?

Sakurai-sensei’s glasses are all fogged up, LOL.

Ohh (sounds down). These kiddos are soccer nuts.*grumbles about soccer nuts*

Update: To be honest with you, I’m fine with not making hard gender decisions too…Just so you know.

[gaypril]

Kashimashi: Girl meets girl au

I wanted to write some stuff about this anime because I dont really know, when I was younger I really related to the main character Hazumu, if you don’t know about the show it’s a gender-bending yuri manga thingamajig that begins with the main character Hazumu getting hit by an alien space ship and them reviving her as a girl. Now there is a case for Hazumu was a trans girl before she got hit by aliens (how shes acts is very similar to how I was before realising oh frick and the character that CANT SEE MEN CAN SEE HER) So i kinda wanted to write an AU where instead of her being hit by aliens and being magically transformed, she gets hit by aliens and it wakes her up to the fact that shes trans. So Enjoy! I’m not the best writer so forgive me.

Basically instead of her body being turned into a completely female one, when shes hit by the spaceship it sends her body back to before puberty hit. 

Her body is still like the same age but its like shed been on hormone blockers as the ship couldn't replicate the changes puberty brought on. So basically shes at square 1 of transition and she tells her parents she is a trans girl. It was something that had been in the back of her head for a while but she didn’t think it was possible however after being hit by aliens possible didn’t really seem like an obstacle anymore. 

Her parents, who in the show are fucking nuts, but also really supportive. They buy Hazumu a girl uniform and the aliens who have decided to watch over supply her with hormones because shes understands the consequences and begs them, they comply because they  are curious about how relationships would work in such a situation. Because of that most things in the show play out very similarly. 

People still hound Hazumu but this time its because shes trans rather than magical transformation, because at the time when this is set it is a big deal and because she was still you know killed by aliens. As Hazumu begins going through transition: Yasuna realises why she was able to see Hazumu, she wasn't an exception to her male blindness but was just a girl, but she still loves Hazumu and continues to pursue her. 

Tamori gets those conflicting feeling because she still likes Hazumu and wants her to be happy, but she just doesn’t understand why she chose to go through all of this. She begins to remember when they were little and Hazumu said she wanted to be Tamori’s bride and a bunch of other smaller things that began clicking into place. Shes very protective of Hazumu as always but she still has those initial feelings of why did he become a girl. The bra fitting scene would take place later in the show and it would be the final straw for Tamori. Hazumu isn’t going to go back to being a boy and she explodes because of this Hazumu gets upset and begins crying. The two talk it out because Tamori despite being the cause of Hazumu’s distress just can’t let Hazumu be alone when she’s crying.

Asuta begins to realise that he has a crush on Hazumu and is like “but thats my best bro, but shes a girl now and is uhhhh really cute, oh shit i think i really like Hazumu”. And when those dickheads begin hitting on Hazumu at the beach he does that protective friend thing and pretends to be her boyfriend. He likes Hazumu as his best friend her being trans doesn’t change that, but he wishes that Hazumu wasn’t so god damn cute 

Hazumu wouldn’t change much she'd still be pretty clueless about how to act. But because instead of this thing being thrust on to her, she has time to adapt and go back to mannerisms she had previously tried to hide because “they aren’t manly”. She is still the same crybaby green thumb she is in the original she just chose it this time. She still goes shopping with Yasuna and buys her dresses and she still asks Tamari to help her get a bra since she has no idea whats shes doing. But she does these thing with the biggest smile on her face, she has her best-friends by her side and loves them both a lot and the fact that they are helping her overcome the discomfort they had been feeling for all that time helps deepen the bonds between the three of them.

The only scene i think would need to change is the locker room scene where everyone's like eh shes a girl now. It’s not as realistic as most of the show is in it portrayal of this stuff. And I doubt Hazumu would be comfortable changing in front of the girls and since she still has that thing she chooses to change in the stalls or something, but due to how her body is changing she does you know work with the girls and run with them and all that.

I’m just gonna say for the sake of this the town shes living in is super supportive.

The aliens would have a hard time understanding whats going on in ters of you  know gender. Maybe they scan her brain or something and figure out what dysphoria is or something IDK, they want to understand how this affects her relationships so they observe her. 

I’d say at the end she probably ends up like Hazumu of the original with a completely cis body because after a while she asks the aliens if it’s a possibility 

[ssfoc]

What do you think Oh Anna is about?

Hi!

I’m interested to know when Oh Anna was written relative to the other songs in HS1. I believe this may be the song that Harry mentioned Ed Sheeran liked but was not included on the album.

Oh Anna is a rockabilly song with a bass rhythm/ drum riff very similar to classic  rock, with its 4/4 rhythm and offbeat syncopation. Compare the bass riff/ percussion of this performance in Basel with Peter Gabriel’s Solsbury Hill and You’re the One that I Want from Grease.

One would expect an old-fashioned love song, and indeed the lyrics suggest that (going by Genius since the official lyrics are unavailable). 

(Verses)

Don’t know where you’re layingJust know it’s not with meDon’t know what I’d tell you ifI passed you on the street

Don’t know how you taste whenThere’s smoke in your perfumeChew me up and spit me outNothing left to lose

Hope you never hear thisAnd know that it’s for youI don’t know what I’d tell you ifYou asked me for the truth(Chorus)I don’t want your sympathy, but you don’t know what you do to meOh! (Oh, Anna!)Every time I see your face, there’s only so much I can takeOh! (Oh, Anna!)

So, here are a few random thoughts when I hear these lyrics. Overall, Oh Anna is a song Harry’s written before, a song of romantic pining, presumably for a person named Anna. The first verse, about passing her on the street and feeling sad, reminds of the opening verse of Ed Sheeran’s Happier:

Walking down 29th and ParkI saw you in another’s armsOnly a month we’ve been apartYou look happier

But the word “laying” in the first verse (”Don’t know where you’re laying/Just know it’s not with me”) also reminds me of Louis’ song Just Like You:

I wanna lay where she laysI wanna stay in these days

In both cases, and I’m not sure whether it’s a northern British colloquialism, but the word “lay” is used incorrectly. A person “lies” down. One lays an object on a surface. One lays bricks or a book on a table.  Maybe it’s for the sake of rhyming or idiom, but the same mistake in both cases stood out for me. They are both used as a euphemism for sex— someone being “a good lay.” As does this lyric:

Don’t know how you taste whenThere’s smoke in your perfume

It reminded me of the JLY verse, “Gonna smoke and it’s okay.” In Oh Anna, the singer doesn’t smoke, but knows Anna does, and wants to taste it. In JLY, the singer smokes.

“Don’t know how you taste when/ There’s smoke in your perfume” also reminds me of Girl Crush (Harry at the BBC, one of the best performances of anything I’ve ever seen):

I want to taste her lipsYeah, ‘cause they taste like youI want to drown myselfIn a bottle of her perfumeI want her long blonde hairI want her magic touchYeah, ‘cause maybe thenYou’d want me just as much

Both Girl Crush and Oh Anna express the same visceral longing, with the singer wanting to bury their face in their lover’s hair, to smell their smells (see: “his curls or his smell”).

The quote of George Michael’s Faith (an iconic video) is also very intimate, and fits in with the overall rockabilly sound. Note the emphasis on touch and body.

Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your bodyIf I could touch your bodyIf I could touch your bodyIf I could touch your body

But the sentiment expressed isn’t a happy one. It’s describing a longing to touch someone who cannot be touched, someone who is unavailable. It reminds me of the lyrics from the cover of Torn, that One Direction sang on BBC’s Live Lounge in 2015. Here is Louis’ verse, at 1:40:

I don’t care, I have no luckI don’t miss it all that muchThere’s just so many thingsThat I can’t touch, I’m torn

At 2:19, Harry sings these lyrics, that echo Oh Anna’s opening lyrics:

There’s nothing where he used to lieMy inspiration has run dryAnd that’s what is goin’ onNothin’s right, I’m torn

I also think that by quoting Faith, Harry is counterbalancing the heterosexual title of the song with a gender-bending implication. I can’t remember if Harry has discussed George Michael in interviews before, but George Michael has certainly seen prominence in the fandom radar, through RBB and SBB. On 6 January 2016, the Bears’ Twitter icon changed to George Michael from the cover of the album “Faith,” wearing aviator glasses and a leather jacket. RBB often wears the exact same outfit with a stud collar.

Source

Reminder that Harry has modeled with a stud collar.

Harry has paid homage to George Michael obliquely. Here is Harry on the Late Late Show, wearing a “Choose Life” t-shirt, in homage to the shirt worn by Michael in the “Wake Me Up” Wham video.

And here’s George:

All of these references are for those who have been following Harry closely, all fall under the plausibly deniable category, just as some people identify Harry as an LGBTQ+ ally despite numerous indications that he isn’t straight.

A few last thoughts. Oh Anna is probably a play on words as well, in the same way that Olivia was a play on words, and Carolina was not really about a state.

Interestingly, the words Oh Anna looks like Ohana, the name of Harry’s shared management company with Full Stop Management (meaning “family” in Hawaiian). Ohana is the sole management business entity for Harry. Anna is also a variation of Harry’s mother’s name, Anne— who is certainly his family. Maybe the song is written as a gesture to Anne and Robin’s love.

Olivia, which Harry wrote for MITAM, plays on homophones, in that it sounds similar to I Love You. Harry has stated in interviews that Olivia is probably not a place or a person.

Some have suggested that Oh Anna is a homophone of Johannah, Louis’ mother. Perhaps it is a gesture to her as well— now sung in remembrance.

Thanks for the question!

S

P.S. Here was a previous, expanded answer on the implication of Ohana. 

[recentanimenews]

INTERVIEW: Ladybeard Introduces BABYBEARD, The Kawaii Metal Pop Idol Group

  Few entertainers have had a career as varied as Ladybeard’s. The Australian performer has worked as a pro wrestler, an anime voice actor, and a death metal vocalist, all while wearing a frilly dress and pigtails. His latest role: singing and dancing as a member of BABYBEARD, the idol group he formed last year. Alongside petite co-members SUZU and KOTOMI, their names styled in all caps, Ladybeard’s formidable vocals complete the group’s kawaii metal vibe. 

  Though the covid pandemic has kept the trio from doing live performances, their knack for viral social media content has helped them share their peppy, positive, and frequently brutal music with the world. The result has been global; BABYBEARD’s first single, Nippon Kara Konnichiwa, was Number 1 on the J-pop charts in Germany and Finland, Number 2 in Australia, and Number 34 in the US the week of its release in April 2021. 

  We sat down with Ladybeard, SUZU, and KOTOMI for a video interview about the new group with Ladybeard’s manager, Shiori, translating the girls’ answers. Then, we talked to just Ladybeard about his pronouns, the pandemic, and what’s next for his eclectic career. 

    Orsini: How is your work with BABYBEARD different than the work you were doing before?

  Ladybeard: One of the things that is interesting about launching a group [during the pandemic] is that 100 percent of our activities so far have been over the internet. So the girls have actually interacted with fans overseas more than they’ve interacted with fans in Japan thus far. It’s a new experience for both of them. 

  KOTOMI: I was in a different group before BABYBEARD. We did in-person live performances. In this unit, we’re doing online stuff mainly and getting global attention. I’m really excited about the fact that we can stream online and get listeners from all around the world. 

  SUZU: I am actually really surprised to get a lot of attention from overseas fans. I’m excited to go to foreign countries and perform in the future. 

  Ladybeard: This is SUZU’s first group. I wish my first thing ever had been like this, instantly getting access to the whole world — I’m so jealous!

  What is the most unique skill that you bring to the group?

  SUZU: A huge smile.

  KOTOMI: I’m a huge otaku of idols. My enthusiasm and passion for idols is what I bring. [She’s a fan of the idol group Kamiyado.] 

  Ladybeard: I’ll PR the girls for a second. We held global auditions for this group, people were brought in from the entire world. Of course, who could seriously be considered was limited by who could physically get to Tokyo. The total number of applicants for the audition was 100, and then after the first cut, 52 made it to the first in-person audition. After another cut, there were 10 final candidates from which SUZU and KOTOMI were chosen.

  Very interestingly, SUZU was the first person through the door of the audition and KOTOMI was the last person through the door. SUZU came in with a beautiful smile, which was lovely, sang and danced and was a ray of sunshine. She set a very high bar and it wasn’t until KOTOMI came in that that level of brightness was matched. KOTOMI is a very good dancer and she blew us away. 

  And to answer your question, clearly what I bring to the group is this beard.

    For the girls, what were your first impressions meeting Ladybeard? What is it like working with him now?

  KOTOMI: I met Ladybeard for the first time in my audition. At the time I was so nervous I couldn’t remember what was going on. But he was very kind to me and I was really happy about that. He’s a really hilarious and cheerful person and I really enjoy working with him. 

  SUZU: When I met Ladybeard at first, I felt he was naturally energetic, cheerful, and friendly. That first impression has not been changed.

  Ladybeard: Poor SUZU gets elbowed in the head a lot, poor girl. Our pose is me flexing with the two girls on either side of me. And when we go through it, the three of us in a line, it’s always SUZU who catches an elbow. I feel so bad, she’s been elbowed several times. If I’d been repeatedly elbowed in the head, I’d be far less enthusiastic.

  Aside from flexing together, how do the three of you bond as a team?

  Ladybeard: Keep in mind that this is the main activity we’ve done together — sitting on Zoom. But we’ve started singing and dancing. The girls are very sweet. They’re both really hard working. 

  What is the creative process behind the videos you post to social media? Do you all add input?

  Ladybeard: Yes, it’s pretty collaborative. Actually, Shiori comes up with a lot of good stuff for TikTok. With her help, we now have two TikTok videos with 2.4 million views: “Physically fit” and “Magical girl transformation(LB cut),” and one YouTube short at 16 million views — “When the manager isn’t in.”

  Image via Suzu Nakayama

  What are your favorites?

  KOTOMI: “When the manager isn’t in."

  SUZU: “Hide and... FREAK!!” My mom said it was very cute. 

  Ladybeard: For me it was the very first one, the launching BABYBEARD one with Nippon Kara Konnichiwa. It was the first time we showed the group’s image to the world. That was the first time the world saw the girls’ faces; before that, everyone had a mask on. 

    When the manager isn’t in.#whenmomisnthome Check out BABYBEARD’s video! #TikTok https://t.co/qr3hVLbwxU pic.twitter.com/hlvCdBq3Xm

— BABYBEARD (@babybeard_japan) April 17, 2021

    What are you most excited about for the future of BABYBEARD?

  Shiori: Both girls say they want to go on a world tour and meet their fans overseas.

  Ladybeard: Finally getting to do this because very clearly it’s what the world wants from me. Last time [I was in an idol group] it was brought to an unfortunate end, and for five years people have been asking me to do it. And then once we were finally able to do it, to then have this pandemic show up, it’s like come on now. For me, just to finally actually do it, to get on stage and take it overseas, to give the fans what they’ve asked for for the past five years, for me it’s, let’s go, I just really want to do it. 

  [At this point, we say goodbye to SUZU and KOTOMI as they go on to other appointments.]

  Idols in Japan have to adhere to strict behavioral rules. As an unconventional idol, which ones do you definitely have to follow and which ones are you allowed to bend?

  Ladybeard: Your private life has to remain on the wraps. In this management company, I have not been specifically given instructions about what I can and can’t do in my private life, but I already know that whatever happens needs to stay under wraps. 

  On the Trash Taste podcast, I mentioned that I have a boring hobby. I’m not allowed to tell you what my boring hobby is because it’s too boring and it’s not in character. 

  Image via Babybeard

  How has your dynamic with your fans evolved throughout your career?

  Ladybeard: This is one of the most interesting things about being a professional crossdresser. This career has been going on for 12 years now. In that time, as much as Ladybeard evolves, the world evolves around Ladybeard as well. As attitudes generally change, you can see how that directly affects your interactions with the fans, and directly affects your interaction with the rest of the world, too. For instance, it was about two years ago, suddenly everybody started asking me what my pronouns were. But that conversation had not made it to Japan so I was like, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” We’d be attending conventions in the Western world and I’d be asked, “What are your pronouns” and I’d say, “What?” 

  Shiori: It’s probably because we don’t use pronouns in Japanese as a language. We don’t use specific pronouns to describe people. We can cut the subject in a sentence, so we don’t think about it. In Japan, Ladybeard’s pronoun is “Beard-chan.”

  So what are your pronouns?

  Ladybeard: He, she, whatever you like. It’s not something that really bothers me at all. I’ve been called “that jackass” so many times that the wrong pronoun isn’t going to upset me. If I were sensitive to what people were saying about me, I picked the wrong career.

  I definitely wanted to talk to you about gender so I’m glad this came up. I recently saw an interview with the actress Amanda Bynes who said she became depressed and experienced gender dysphoria after cross-dressing as a man in a movie. What does it feel like to see photos of yourself all over in a feminine gender presentation?

  Ladybeard: Feels like Tuesday. I barely notice it anymore. It’s just going to work. 

  So you feel really comfortable in the Ladybeard persona?

  Ladybeard: Very comfortable.

  Image via Babybeard

  Where do you end and where does Ladybeard begin?

  Ladybeard: So what you just said about that actress, Amanda Bynes. She was an actress playing a role. She went through that process for the sake of a film. For me, I made this character and it came from me. Now it’s an extension of me. Lady Gaga says something similar about herself: she refers to herself as a Gaga-Stefani hybrid. 

  I’m not sure, where do I end and where does Ladybeard begin? That’s a really good question. It’s like asking “where does you at the office end and where does you hanging out with your Nana start?” They’re both you. It’s just you at different times and different circumstances. 

  But I’m so comfortable in the skirts and whatnot now. Occasionally we go out in public and people are like, “Oh, a guy!” and I remember, “Oh yeah, I’m in a skirt!” and that’s not what everyone else is doing and I’ve almost forgotten about it. 

  Interestingly, if I crossdress in the Western world that’s when I remember, because that’s where I get abused. When I crossdress in public, no one [in Japan] harasses me. But in recent memory, it’s happened once in Paris and once in London. When it happened, I was like, “Oh yeah, this happens! I’d totally forgotten about it.”

  Image via Babybeard

  You’ve said that for you, being a man in a dress isn’t about being the butt of a joke, but about changing the energy in a room. Why do you think your crossdressing has that effect?

  Ladybeard: It started in Australia. Oftentimes, crossdressing has the potential to get the same reaction as what we just spoke about in London and Paris. There’s a bipolar reaction. It’s either anger and abuse, or it’s “Look at this guy!!” Because everyone acknowledges that hairy men generally don’t walk around wearing cute little skirts. 

  It’s interesting: people see me and they put whatever is in their head onto me. If they’re super conservative, they may think hateful thoughts. But if they’re not, they may think, “This crazy guy!” 

  And if they’re LGBT?

  Ladybeard: That’s a question I’m actually not good at answering because every member of that community feels a different way about me. I was very cautious when I started this because I was frightened that the LGBT community would think that what I do is a piss-take of what they take seriously. And it’s not, but I can see how they would think that. But I have been told that there are members of the community who feel that way about me, which is very unfortunate and not at all what I was trying to do. 

  And then there are other members who have completely embraced me. When I got to Japan I was surprised by how much I was embraced by the LGBT community here. My image has been taken and used to advertise gay bars here. 

  Image via Babybeard

  In a previous interview, you said this about the appeal of your metal covers of pop songs: “It takes what you’re used to and subverts it.” I think this sentence is a good way to explain your appeal as a performer. Would you agree? Why or why not?

  Ladybeard: With my old group, and now with BABYBEARD, it’s a series of pieces nobody ever would have thought to put together, and then they come together and work very well. And I think there’s something very beautiful about that: the surprise of it, the fact that it works when it really shouldn’t. There’s something very lovely. 

  With my personal career, I’ve always tried to make the masculine side of me as masculine as I can, and the feminine side of me as feminine as I can, and then try to create the biggest gap possible between those two dynamics. I think the group extends that further. Because it means that my masculine qualities are emphasized and the girls’ feminine qualities are emphasized. It’s an extension of the Ladybeard concept into a three-person formation. 

  It’s like pineapple on a pizza. Half the people love it and half the people want me dead.

  So do you get a lot of hate?

  Ladybeard: Less than you’d expect, and not for a long time. I think it’s just that I’ve been doing this for so long that the people who wanted to hate on me, hated on me and then moved on. 

  With BABYBEARD, you’ve had a role in choosing the name, the musicians, and even your fellow members. How did it feel to have so much say in the process?

  Ladybeard: Excellent, it was great. Our current boss trusts us, (me and manager Shiori), regarding stuff outside Japan, appreciating that we at times potentially understand variables like culture and foreign fans’ tastes better than he does. So he listens to our opinions.

  Simple joys...???? BABYBEARDの投稿動画を楽しみましょう！#TikTok #babybeardhttps://t.co/QAWRV4ZwNa pic.twitter.com/ywbMkVSauU

— BABYBEARD (@babybeard_japan) April 21, 2021

  Memes are such a big part of BABYBEARD. Do you think internet literacy is an important part of your job?

  Ladybeard: Shiori is better at it than I am, that’s for sure. I’m very bad at it. But yes, it’s very important and I need to get better at it! 

  The internet is an inseparable part of everyone’s lives now, isn’t it? Back when I started Ladybeard it was like, “there’s this thing called YouTube, you’re watching stupid videos there,” and now it’s so integrated into our lives it’s ridiculous. Regarding the group, we’re doing as much as we can online while you can’t physically see us, but when we can, please come to the live show because it’s going to blow your faces off.

  That’s the other thing about the internet. It’s changed how people want to consume live performances because back when I was a kid and you’d go to see a heavy metal show, there’d be three circle pits going on and there’d be this insanely brutal moshing and so forth. There’s much less of that now because people want to film with their phones. There’s social media, interacting with the show, interacting with the video of the show — both people who are there now and who are watching online, that’s become part of the live show. As the performer, it’s your job to adapt to that and make sure your performance works for that environment. 

  What was it like recording your new singles? Did Covid-19 make it more difficult?

  Ladybeard: Covid-19 didn’t necessarily affect the recording process, but it did affect the content. The lyrics of "Nippon Kara Konnichiwa" are about how we want to see you and be with you and hug you but we can’t, so until that’s possible we’re sending our love through the web. That’s the theme we’re trying to push until we’re able to leave the confines of the nation. Until then, we’d like to give everyone as much Internet love as we can. 

      Lauren Orsini is a fandom reporter and anime critic. You can find her Twitter here.

By: Lauren Orsini

[kuuderekun]

Magical Girl Site, Transgender Representation and The Batman Question.

Magical Girl Site, Transgender Representation and The Batman Question. 

For the second week in a row Magical Girl Site is the only show I really want to comment on.  But I'm still enjoying all the shows I'm currently watching. I mentioned in my Astolfo post how I don't use the term "Trap" to describe characters who are actually Trasngender.  The only problem with making that hard distinction is Japanese media doesn't always use the same terminology we use in the west, so it's not always clear what the writers are going for.  For example I'm still not sure what we're supposed to think of Ruka in Steins;Gate, I like that in the new series they seem more comfortable with their gender identity, but I'm still unsure what it's supposed to be. Episode 7 of Magical Girl Site introduced the character of Kiyoharu Suirenji.  Going off what we see in this episode alone I would have to conclude she is a Transwoman and not merely a Crossdresser because of her using the girl's bathroom and that being an issue.  I don't think a CisMale Crossdresser would use the girl's bathroom.  However her seemingly not objecting to others calling her a boy complicates the matter, but it could be she's just someone who doesn't want to get confrontational about it.  But I also could have missed something there since I'm watching it Subbed because there is no Dub. In the episode's MAL forum one user who's read the Manga says the character is definitely a Transwoman.  That user is defending using the proper terminology to refer to her.  However there is at least one user there being very blatantly Transphobic. Most of what we see of the character in the episode I like.  However we are given a glimpse of the character having a dark side, with her saying she'll get revenge in the distant future.  Now this is a Dark Magical girl show where most characters have something dark about them.  But I'm still recovering from the disappointment of my favorite Western TV show of all time, Pretty Little Liars blowing it with it's handling of this issue. People sometimes ask whether bad representation is better then no representation.  It is interesting that if this show had never brought the issue up I would probably have never singled it out to criticize for lack of Trans representation.  But as soon as they provide some representation it doesn't take long for me to start being on edge about her being mishandled.  I'd been praising the show for it's unsanitized depiction of Bullying, I should then be thrilled to see that theme expand to showing the bullying Trans Women endure.  But instead I'm worried about the implications of this character either turning evil or dying. But I now realize that, yeah, I should be criticizing Magical Girl shows for failing to include trans representation (and even Sailor Moon fails to include any true Trans representation, the Starlights were simply a gender bending gimmick).  They frequently try to have very diverse casts allowing many different kinds of girls to be magical girls, representing many different forms of the adolescent female experience in Japan.  I think we're long overdue for a Trans Magical Girl and it's unfortunate that the Dark Magical Girl Genre people are back lashing against now was the first to do it. This subject happened to be on my mind already before I saw episode 7.   You may have noticed I posted about a Batman movie that features The Riddler yesterday.  Well Batman and The Riddler being on my mind reminded me that back when I spent a lot of time trying to imagine what kinds of Batman films I'd make I had came up with a concept that re-imagined The Riddler as a Trans Woman.  But then decided that I wasn't comfortable casting a Trans character as a villain in our current climate. Homosexual representation in media has reached the point where you can have Gay villains without it automatically reinforcing the same harmful stereotypes that used to keep Gays only as villains or victims in American fiction.  But Trans representation, especially for Trans Women, has not, as clearly shown by what happened with Pretty Little Liars.  I absolutely believe the writers of that show had the best of intentions, they wanted to say Transphobia is the ultimate cause of the tragedy, but regardless Charlotte being the only Trans representation the show had left the LGBT community who at one point loved the show deeply offended. Ironically this Trans Woman Riddler idea had developed in my mind before season 6 of PLL happened.  And yet my vision for The Riddler was influenced by PLL before the Trans Woman aspect was a part of it.  PLL started airing back when Batfans were still hoping The Riddler would be in the third Nolan Batfilm.  And I from day one immediately felt how -A operated on PLL was a good reference point for how to "Nolanize" The Riddler. So in hindsight Charlotte DiLaurentis kind of resembles the Trans Woman Riddler concept I'd been thinking of.  And how that whole controversy helped shape how I think about this issue is probably a factor in why I dropped the idea.  Still my envisioned backstory for her (which I don't entirely remember) was far from identical.  And of course I also regardless of the character's gender or ethnic identity prefer The Riddler to not be a murderer.  It would be admittedly hard to keep that in tact when making The Riddler the main antagonist of a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, but I do think it's workable. So in that sense my Riddler was closer to Mona then Charlotte. But now I can't help but wonder if outright abandoning it was simply the Cowards way out (Realistically I'll probably never get to make a Batman film anyway, but this is hypothetical).  For example if I have good guys in the movie who are also Trans that could certainly help make it salvageable. Part of what was so harmful about the Charlotte story-line was caused by the need for it to be a twist, that the character who turned out to be "Charles" had been posing as a Cis Woman.  And that's the main problem with my initial concept here.  The starting premise before any Gender issues factored into it was allowing a Batman movie that's actually a Mystery/Detective story by having us not know who The Riddler is.  But I now realize that the concept can be reworked so that whatever name She is using before the reveal she can still be openly Trans.  The thing is I'm kind of killing that mystery aspect for future use by giving it all away publicly now.  Only way it could work for someone who'd read this post is if multiple Trans Women are in it.  Oh wait, that happens to also help fix keep her from being the only representation. The YouTube Channel FilmJoy did a video last year called The Batman Question which I watched today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwzE2J7bo0c&t It was about the idea of allowing more then just CisHet White Men to play Batman and other major Batman characters.  Janelle Monae was a choice brought up a lot, and she responded that she'd rather play The Joker. And that reminded me how members of Batman's Rouges Gallery are Pop Culture Icons and that almost every Actor wants an opportunity to play one.  And I personally would cast an actual Trans Woman to play the role (The Pedantic Romantic could make a good Riddler).  So perhaps we shouldn't exclude the Trans Community from being able to play those roles out of fear of how it can go wrong. The Riddler is often viewed as Batman's smarted nemesis, his greatest intellectual threat. After all Eartha Kitt wasn't counterproductive for Black Women.   KyleKallgrenBHH in his recent video on The Watermelon Woman talks about how for a long time Black Women weren't allowed to be Sex Symbols in America.  So in that context one getting to play the greatest Sex Symbol of American Pop Culture was downright revolutionary.  And so in today's climate maybe Catwoman should be the first Bat Rouge to consider allowing to be a Transwoman? You may ask, why was it that my mind went there for The Riddler first? Another question you may ask is, how would I handle naming this Transwoman reinterpretation of Edward Nygma? Well the answers to those questions are kind of the same. When I starting of thinking about what I'd do for a Nolanesque Riddler story.  I first decided "The Riddler" should be a name given to them.   They would identify themselves in their messages as simply -?  Again influenced by -A on PLL. Then I first started thinking about the character's Gender as I was playing around with the inherent pun of E. Nygma, and the idea entered my head to use the name..... ....... Annie Nygma...................... And from there I thought first just of making The Riddler a woman, an idea which technically had done before at least by Cosplayers.  But I also thought about having her use multiple names and for the sake of Nolan style realism not having any Nygma name be her birth name.  Then I heard of this Edward Nashton name that had emerged as an alternate name for The Riddler, I don't know who used it first but I heard of it via The Riddler Blogs, a fan film project derivative of The Joker Blogs. And then I thought about how Transmen and Transwomen naturally tend to change their names from what they were given at birth.  And so the idea popped in there to have Edward Nashton be the name assigned at birth, and Annie Nygma the name she chose when she accepted her Gender Identity, because she was into Riddles and Puzzles. I'm not Trans, I can't actually relate to these issues.  So I simply don't know what the right answer is.  Perhaps it's a good idea for me to put this experience out there and let someone who is Trans use it for their own Fanwork if they see value in it. Part of the reason I was ashamed of this for awhile is it didn't originate much from a place of caring about representation.  I've always been a believer in Trans rights, but it was in recent years I've become much more sensitive to this and other Social Justice issues. The more recent ideas I've come up with for characters who are Trans have been making them heroes.  Like the idea of the Vordenberg who Carmilla had a romance with being a Transwoman.  Or my desire to tell a story about Lancelot as a Transwoman (using the name Lanzelet), as well as Perceval as a Transman.  And my idea for a fictionalized French Revolution shared cinematic universe innovated using Chevalier d'Éon in the Captain America/Wonder Woman/King Kong role as the one who's origin story film is set in a previous era.  And interpreting d'Eon as a Noble Honorable and Heroic Transwoman, not doing weirder ideas like the Anime about her and Fate Grand Order do.  The only Fantastical aspect will be keeping the character young in the 1790s.

[thinkaboutmeff7au]

hi hi!!! i loved this fic SO much (ive read it so many times) but i was just wondering if you had like a playlist of all the songs used? im sorry if this has been asked before!!

i haven’t archived the actual songs used, actually! i did do a podcast type deal where i went through my playlists that you can listen to here, but i can throw up just a playlist!

for reference, i have three of them on itunes…there’s a lot of music here

think about me: fic featured songs

think about me - fleetwood mac - tusk

you - candlebox - (self-titled)

blue letter - fleetwood mac - (self-titled/”the white album”)

come as you are - nirvana - nevermind

december - collective soul - (self-titled)

this charming man - the smiths - best of

spanish air - slowdive - just for a day

don’t dream it’s over - crowded house - (self-titled)

real world - matchbox twenty - yourself or someone like you

remember the time - michael jackson - dangerous

rhiannon (live 1975) - fleetwood mac - (self-titled/”the white album”)

second hand news - fleetwood mac - rumours

good grief - foo fighters - (self-titled)

going to pasalaqua - green day - 1039 smoothed out slappy hours

this charming man - death cab for cutie - you can play these songs with chords

marijuanaville - i…really don’t know where this came from whoops

the chain - fleetwood mac - the dance

el scorcho - weezer - pinkerton

landslide - fleetwood mac - (self-titled/”the white album”)

destination (getting there) - supershadsy (aka the original tune)

if it makes you happy - sheryl crow - best of

hey jealousy - gin blossoms - dusted

but not for me - this is a jazz standard, so a bunch of people have done it--i did my own version here

shy boy - bananarama - deep sea skydiving

i don’t want to know - fleetwood mac - rumours

hello - oasis - what’s the story morning glory

i want you - third eye blind - (self-titled)

sugar - tonic - sugar

burn - deep purple - burn

magic man - heart - dreamboat annie

talk tonight - oasis - the masterplan

temporary one - fleetwood mac - the dance

tripping billies - dave matthews band - crash

closing time - semisonic - feeling strangely fine

hey jude - the beatles - 1

blind - train - (self-titled)

down endless street - fleetwood mac - family man (single)/tango in the night deluxe edition

only the lonely - the motels - all four one

high & dry - radiohead - the bends

wait - supershadsy (the other original)

this must be the place (naive melody) - talking heads - stop making sense

these are days - 10,000 maniacs - our time in eden

extra log playlist

40 days - slowdive - souvlaki

to here knows when - my bloody valentine - loveless

no one knows - green day - kerplunk

this charming man -stars - nightsongs

the chain (instrumental demo) - fleetwood mac - you can find this w/lyrics on the rumours deluxe edition, where it has a different name that i can never remember

bad company - bad company - (self-titled)

how soon is now? - the smiths - best of

kick the tragedy - drop nineteens - delaware

angel - drop nineteens - delaware

sara - fleetwood mac - tusk

girls can’t wait - gin blossoms - dusted

peace of mind - boston - (self-titled)

plush (acoustic) - stone temple pilots - thank you

good for you - third eye blind - (self-titled)

the man who would be santa - vertical horizon - running on ice (although the live stages version is also very good)

spain - chick corea - light as a feather

cool your boots - ride - going blank again

i just can’t stop loving you - michael jackson - bad

sable on blond - stevie nicks - the wild heart (my inspiration was an alt take in the deluxe edition released recently)

ride like the wind - christopher cross - (self-titled)

river - joni mitchell - blue

layla - derek & the dominos - layla and other assorted love songs (although you’ll probably find this under eric clapton)

shackled - vertical horizon - everything you want

we never change - coldplay - parachutes

draft roundup (i stopped updating the draft page ages ago because it kept breaking, but for posterity’s sake) (so i’ll give the flavor text for these)

el scorcho - dashboard confessional - the wiretapes(this is the version i’m most familiar with, inspiring the relevant clack scene)

strawberry - everclear - sparkle and fade(BIG sephgen mood)

live forever - oasis - definitely maybe(the soldier crew 8^) )

she’s electric - oasis - what’s the story morning glory(aerti)

you wanted more - tonic - sugar(angen)

anna begins - counting crows - august and everything after(sephgen)

drive you mild - the verve pipe - villians(angen)

lost horizons - gin blossoms - dusted(genesis)

androgynous - the replacements - let it be(cloud & tifa--i was gonna have tifa get a gender revelation as well, but i ended up not following through. the idea is still true!)

secret smile - semisonic - feeling strangely fine(cloud at his partners)

myself - the verve pipe - villians(sephiroth)

DND - semisonic - feeling strangely fine(cloti)

FNT - semisonic - great divide(zaerith when they first get together) 

sometimes - my bloody valentine - loveless(sephgen)

heroin girl - everclear - sparkle and fade(end game genesis…………………………)

chemical smile - everclear - sparkle and fade(genesis again--this whole album has a gen vibe)

send it up - vertical horizon - everything you want(clack)

i am - train - (self-titled)(genesis to angeal)

the gigs have their own 8tracks playlists: here’s the first one, and the second one.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Mel you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Pandora Lightwood!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Oh my goodness Mel, I absolutely adored your application from start to finish! You took a character who’s canon daughter is so well known and loved and crafted something utterly unique out of her mother. I think it’s such a lovely thought that she uses her presumed innocence to her advantage, and that she’s got a harsher side to her that is often unnoticed at first glance -- and I can’t wait to see how you explore that further in the roleplay and build off it! Her little traits and hobbies are utterly endearing too, and I just thought you captured who your Pandora is so beautifully! I know we’re all looking forward to seeing her on the dash! *your faceclaim change to Lily James has been accepted!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Mel, 23, GMT, she/her.

ACTIVITY

I am usually online every day, some days for longer than others depending on how many hours my boss puts me in for that day. I would say, for safety sake, 6 out of 10.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Your blog popped up as a ‘blog you might like’? I don’t know how.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I feel like I most connected with Remus Lupin, but perhaps it’s just because I liked his character and the background J.K.Rowling created for him. He’s genuinely a good guy, always worried about the thoughts and feelings of those around him, hesitant to let people close to him and he has an inner demon (his wolf) that pushes him away from the people around him, whereas I feel like my inner demons (mental health) push me away from people - both for other people’s protection. I also wish I could wear jumpers all the time as well.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Pandora; / panˈdôrə / In Greek the meaning of the name Pandora is: All-gift. In Greek mythology, Pandora’s curiosity led her to open a mysterious box, thereby releasing misery and hope into the world.

Josephine; / jōzəfēn / A feminine form of Joseph. Famous Bearer: French empress Josephine, wife of Napoleon Bonaparte. Also the name of her mother.

Lightwood; / lītwo͝od / Family name. She loves her last name and feels that it is as unique as her first name.

FACE CLAIM

For Pandora, could I please change her FC to Lily James?

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Pandora is one of those characters that in canon, has no real detail or background other than that she is Luna’s mother, therefore she provides a lot of opportunity for development. I like to take on characters in the Marauder Era that have very little about them so I can use more of my imagination and creativity in their backstory and their interactions.

I don’t see Pandora too much like Luna, though of course she is Luna’s mother so there are similarities. She may be a day dreamer and a believer in the weird and wonderful of the world around her, but she is also incredibly observant, underestimated and a fighter. I think when people meet her and spend time with her, they have an image in their mind of a flower girl who smiles a lot and gives chances too willingly.

Underneath her bright outlook on life, despite the war she hopes only for the best from the future and tries to help those around her believe it too, she is feisty and not so easily manipulated. She knows when she is being taken advantage of but often uses her innocence and projection of naivety to her advantage. That’s why she is such an asset to Aversio, because she is overlooked and people become careless with their words around her.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Gender: Female, she and her pronouns.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Preferred ships: Pandora/Xeno, Pandora/Chemistry

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

I have made a mock blog and filled it with a few of these things: [x]

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“Everlasting paint… no, no, I would make all the flowers in my garden bloom throughout the winter, so that I always have something colourful to look at… or, no, I’ve got it! Flowers that can provide paint for me whenever I need it. I run out a lot” she grinned, “I wouldn’t say I was a good artist, maybe just an enthusiastic one, but I tend to run out of my paints so often and they’ve become quite expensive to purchase from Diagon Alley”.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Amos Diggory, he seems strong and good with defence and I would definitely need someone to watch my back, the forbidden forest is no place to fool around. If I couldn’t take my wand I would probably take a dagger. To cut things and… stab things”.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Decisions that will affect the lives of those I love. Having control over the lives of others is a huge responsibility and making decisions that could affect those lives, without consultation, would probably be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do” she murmured, biting her lip, “I hope never to have to do that”.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“You’re weak”.

WRITING SAMPLE

“Darcy, do we have any rose gold dahlia’s with the lily white edges left in the back?” she called out to the shop at large, as she arranged a stunning vase of flowers in the middle of the store.

“I’ll check now” she heard her assistant call back and smiled to herself, as she placed several roses in amongst the flowers she had already sorted into the display.

She loved to have a variety of colours in her floral displays because, as in relation to her painting also, she felt that the more colourful the display the happier people were in general. Light blue polished nails tapped the crystal vase as she took a step backwards and pursed her lips, tilting her head to one side. “Needs dahlia’s…” she murmured, just as she felt her assistant slip back into the shop and stop beside her, holding a bunch of the flowers she required. Smiling gratefully, she took them from her and sent her back to the counter to check on the order’s that needed to be finished before the end of the day.

Wand between her teeth ready for the finishing touches, she placed several dahlia’s carefully in amongst the already arranged flowers, before standing back, gripping her wand and pointing it at a large piece of lilac ribbon that she had cut and left on the sideboard. With a flick of her wrist, she sent the ribbon to wrap around the vase and tie at the front in a neat bow. “Perfect” she grinned, clapping her hands together as she stood back and admire her work. She only stood for a moment before Darcy called for her and she turned on her heels and headed to the back of the store to help the young girl with whatever was causing her trouble.

*

“Who would have done such a thing?” Darcy gasped, as she stepped into the shop beside her.

Pandora’s eyes flitted around the store, taking in the smashed vase, the beheaded flowers and the scorch marks that painted the walls. She glanced at her assistant who was standing mere centimetres away from her, shaking with her hand pressed over her mouth, looking as though she was about to burst into tears. Pandora felt anger coarse through her, felt pain stab her in the heart as she looked around her mother’s shop and knew why it had been destroyed.

“There will always be those out there who will try to snuff out everything beautiful in the world” she said, moving forward into the store and bending down to pick up a vase that only had a small chip in it. It was the only one she could see that have survived. Careful not to cut herself on shattered glass, she took the vase in one hand and used her other hand to pull the large daisy she had in her hair, out of the tangles. She placed the daisy in the vase and smiled, holding it up to her assistant to see.

“They will never succeed”.

[maidofpuns]

So, I finished the show. It was okay. I think part of what killed it for me was the all-crisis, all the time pacing? And the absurd amount of things that get dropped for the sake of convenience. Like, I get it, Hollywood doesn't have time for all of the everything in the best of circumstances.

Spoilers to follow in whole remainder of post:

But Theo's journey, for example, just feels shoved to the side. Yes, he had to fight tooth and nail in season 2 for acceptance with the guys he plays sports with. But (and I get it, because timing) his home life is brushed off/non-existent. Team 'Brina goes to hell and they see Theo's uncle, demand Lilith free him, and his uncle is never brought up again.

And Roz this season...maybe there's something I'm not remembering from season 1 or 2 but what they did to her just made me so uncomfortable. They tried to paint her as this like sex-crazed girl? And I really don't understand it (it comes off as this really gross gender-bend of the whole "big black men seducing white women" thing to me). Roz was the cautious one in seasons 1 and 2. Just because she has her cunning shouldn't have changed that. All of the main cast (except for doormat Harvey, who remained a doormat except that his new dominant character trait was "nooooo I'm not in love with Sabrina anymore, I love Roz!" And then the show makes a point to catch him yearning for Sabrina every time he's with Roz.) Feels like repaints of the same character. They're all too willing to jump into all the crazy insane witchy stuff that's happening all the time.

The pagans were interesting (except for Robin, who came off as creepy and overcompensating for his earnestness), and I would've liked to have seen what some of the others besides Pan, Medusa, and Circe could do. Those three have always been depicted as lesser Greek gods and I really wanted to see what the others could do. So I was wondering who it was they were bringing back (closest I thought was maybe the Titan Ouranos? But "The Green Man" doesn't seem to be a common epithet for him--let alone any other Greek god) and I was interested in their reasons why, because it seemed they were bringing him back at the cost of not only all the mortals' lives, but also their own. (Maybe it's something like the cannibal feast for the witches where it was honorable to be the one eaten, who knows. But even that would've been some in-universe justification).

I liked the implications of time magic; I hope they play with that in the next season for sure. I didn't like that the high stakes of magic seemed to have been abandoned this season. Granted, a big theme was that the witches lost their power because of what they did to Satan. But remember when astral projection was a seemingly easy spell to do, but a extraordinarily precarious risk? In this season, the only times magic fails are when it is interrupted by the bigger threat. I did like that because the coven was virtually powerless that there was this big unity theme, though--that even depleted alone, if all the witches stood together, maybe they had a chance.

Oh, and the virgin thing. It kind of gets addressed at the end, but not really. Basically Team 'Brina has a plan to trick the pagans, yadda yadda, and they bring somebody glamored (which is another issue I have with this season, glamors are everywhere and there doesn't seem to be any way to detect that someone is wearing a glamor/nobody is smart enough to utilize such a trick) to the pagans. There's this kind of throwaway line about how the person they brought was "one of the original three" marked virgins from when the pagans came to Greendale to set up their carnival. But it implies that the sacrifice needn't have been one of those marked people; so the pagans really could've just identified every virgin in town and had a big list of them--there was certainly nothing stopping them!

Also--the showrunners did the thing they did with Riverdale and made half of the episodes this season have a musical number. It really doesn't work, except at the very end when one of the spells is literally a lullaby, and I can sort of accept the song during the Hare Moon Festival. Those were fine, but the others were just cringy.

Anyway, not overall satisfied with this season. But I was still entertained, and I still want to see the next one. So I guess the showrunners did their job. -shrug-

So I've been watching the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina season 3 and the villains need a virgin sacrifice and like, I get that the stakes are higher if that's one of the main cast but does this show seriously mean to tell me that every single one of the students at Baxter High aside from Harvey Kinkle and Theo have had sex? The villains don't seem particularly discriminatory in their quest to slaughter humanity so like...could they not just abduct some random kid? There should have been some marginally higher bar than just that they need a virgin. Like, I haven't finished the season so maybe there is more than that but it's so trivial...

[fromhollywoodtobollywood]

Alright, people my first Bollywood movie is...

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) dir. Karan Johar

This movie is...a lot of things. It is three hours long so lots of shit goes down. I struggle trying to fit this in to a typical 3-Act Hollywood screenplay structure  because it feels like two movies in one. If it were released in the US, the second half would be released a year later as a sequel to the first. But I digress...Let’s begin.

The story opens with Rahul (Shah Rukh Khan) and his wife, Tina (Rani Mukerji). They are in love! They are married! They are having a baby! It’s a girl! But tragedy strikes. Shortly after Tina gives birth, a doctor informs Rahul that she is suffering from severe internal bleeding. Internal bleeding that she somehow knew was going to happen? I’m pretty sure that’s not how internal bleeding works. Anyway, even though this woman is “profusely bleeding” (doctor’s words) on the inside, she still has the composure and stamina to say proper goodbyes to her husband and write a series of letters to her baby daughter (to be given to her each year on her birthday). I realize if I don’t suspend my disbelief, I may not get though the first 20 minutes of this movie. But seriously, they can’t find a medical consultant in India? I’m Indian, and I can name five MDs in my family. Back to the story: Tina makes her husband promise two things: One, that he will never cry because he looks ugly when he does. That’s going to be fantastic for his toxic sense of masculinity. And two: That they name their baby daughter Anjali. It’s a perfectly normal promise and a cute name. Anyway, she dies, he ugly-cries and we are transported to...

MUMBAI, 8 Years Later (I’m assuming this is 1998 based on the year the film was released)

Anjali (Sana Saeed) is now a super-cute kid on the eve of her 8th birthday. While it’s never established what Rahul does for a living, he’s pretty loaded by any standard. 8-year-old Anjali has a camcorder in her room and her own TV with MTV India. In her spare time, she pretends to be an MTV VJ like Neelam. Anjali speaks a charming mixture of Hindi and English that she clearly learned from MTV. She says things like “I’ll be back next week: Same time, same place.” Anjali loves chocolates and wants to be a VJ when she grows up. The character of Anjali is approximately my age so by the time she’s old enough, MTV won’t have VJs, it’ll just be Teen Moms. BUT ANYWAY, she leaves the house to meet her dad on a bridge and this is where things get a little...freudian. Her father is two hours late to meet her (so this little kid has been standing alone in the middle of Mumbai for two hours). When he sees her, he tries to win back her good graces with flowers, chocolates, and a teddy bear like a fuckboy who forgot it was Valentine’s Day and ran to CVS. In this moment, his daughter says she is “tired” of having to be his daughter and his wife (because she picks out his clothes). He responds with “Well, if I have to be your mom AND dad, then you can...” He doesn’t finish the thought because it’s creepy as fuck. But they quickly apologize, do a cute handshake thing, and head home. At home they run in to Grandma (Farida Jalal) who is leading a Hindu Bahjan group of older ladies. She is very pious and has the same shruti machine as my grandmother. Anjali runs in and greets her Grandmother with a TOTALLY APPROPRIATE “Hi, sexy!” greeting. If I had done this to my grandmother (during bhajans, no less) she would have smacked me. Seriously, why is this kid allowed to have MTV in her room?

We then see a speech competition at Anjali’s school where kids are given a random word and have to speak extemporaneously on that subject for one minute. It’s weird but at this point, not the strangest thing that’s happened in this movie. Anjali is pitted against a girl named Jasminder (like ‘Bend it Like Beckham”!) and of COURSE the word Anjali gets is “Mother.” She begins to cry on stage when her dad steps on stage and basically does her speech for her because she is sad. The audience thinks this is adorable and he gets a standing ovation. We return to Rahul’s mansion where he plays basketball inside near one of those Beyoncé hair fans. This house is off the chain. His mother implores him to get re-married for the sake of his happiness and Anjali’s. Rahul insists that love and marriage are something that only happen once in a lifetime. He also says Anjali is alright because she has the letters from her mother.  Sure. Because a birthday letter totally makes up for not having a mom.

The next morning, Anjali awakes on her birthday in her truly spectacular bedroom (seriously, what does Rahul do for a living?) and runs down stairs to a stack of presents that would make Dudley Dursley jealous. She pushes all the presents aside to find the letter from her mother. In a voice over, her mother says that this year’s letter will be different from the past. This year, her mother is going to tell her a story about Rahul, Tina, and someone named Anjali. Hashtag, intrigue. 

FLASHBACK to Xavier College in the late 1980s

Rahul (still Shah Rukh Khan…they didn’t pull a Chandler Bing/Zac Efron thing here) is playing basketball flirtatiously with a young woman named…Anjali (Kajol.) OG Anjali is smart, funny, and a fantastic athlete (although nothing they do resembles real basketball). However, we KNOW she can’t be taken seriously as a love interest for Rahul because she has short hair and dresses like a combination of Sporty Spice and Dennis the Menace.

A few words about the fashion choices in this film: Although this is supposed to be the 1980s, everyone is dressed like it’s the late 90s. Rahul runs around campus in that GAP sweatshirt and Ralph Lauren rugby shirts that were ubiquitous in the late 1990s. OG Anjali wears a lot of cute but anachronistic, DKNY, Adidas, and Nike separates. No one wears a mullet, no one has feathered/permed hair, nobody’s jeans are acid washed. I have no problem with flashbacks in movies but the fashion and hairstyling make it seem like this is still 1998. Also, does Bollywood have a pass when it comes to showing licensed products and characters? So far I’ve seen a Tweety Bird, a Coke logo, a Pepsi machine, and a background character carrying a Mickey Mouse binder. It doesn’t feel like intentional product placement and I wonder how they got away with this.

Back to OG Anjali and Rahul. While they play “basketball” one accuses the other of cheating and they get in a fight. This brings us to our first SONG AND DANCE BREAK. Honestly, this is why I signed up for watching Bollywood movies. Unfortunately, there are no subtitles for the songs so I can only guess what they are about based on context clues. This one appears to be about Rahul and Anjali’s basketball fight which happened in private but is discussed on the campus radio station. So Anjali dances with her friends, Rahul dances with his and by the end of the song, they are friends again. The song has a fun beat and the choreography is pretty on point. This is probably the second most musically talented school after East High (What team? WILDCATS!). This song would have worked really well as a stand-alone music video and single but of course, this is Bollywood/India so a song can't just be a song.

We return to campus as usual where the principal (Anupam Kher) is waging a war on short skirts. Meanwhile, he ogles a particularly attractive member of the faculty (and so do the male students). I want to take this moment to say that while Hollywood films aren’t always *great* in regards to how they treat the female body, there is something particularly noxious about the male gaze in this film. Sexually objectifying a student or a teacher is just a fun, quirky thing the men in this movie do. It’s especially troubling to think about how Bollywood portrayals of this type of harassment influence Indian gender politics. If anyone has a suggestion for a Bollywood movie where women are visually treated with respect, please let me know. BUT ANYWAY, the actor who plays the principal is actually someone I recognized from playing the dad in “Bend it Like Beckham” and the dad in “Bride and Prejudice.” When I looked him up on IMDB, I learned he is probably the most prolific working actor in the world. Dude has THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY ONE acting credits to his name. Congrats on the career, man. He is happily talking to OG Anjali, a good student and a “good girl” who doesn’t wear short skirts like “other girls” (kill me, please). Principal Malhotra mentions that his daughter (who lives in London but somehow goes to Oxford) is going to do her final year of college at Xavier.

When we meet Principal Malhotra’s daughter she is none other than Tina, (Rani Mukerji) Little Anjali’s mom. We can tell Rahul is into her because there is music and he stops flirting with another woman when she walks in the room. We all know he eventually marries her and fathers her child so this meet-cute is a little anti-climactic. The real magic happens when OG Anjali meets Tina. Seriously, these two share some LOOKS and have some palpable sexual chemistry. If homosexuality weren’t literally a crime in India, I’d like to see these two in a rom com about how they fall in love and scam Shah Rukh Khan for his sperm so they can raise their daughter away from the ever-present male gaze. They have more chemistry with each other than either of them has with Rahul. I’m shipping this so hard and it’s not going to happen.

On campus, Tina faces a very specific form of harassment. Since she dresses modestly, is conventionally attractive, and the principal’s daughter, she is not openly catcalled the way other female students are but Rahul and his bros (in a pretty shitty flirting attempt) ask her to “prove” she’s “Indian enough” by singing in Hindi. Apparently, because she lives in the UK, that means she’s westernized and no longer “Indian.” There is so much wrong with this that I simply cannot. Sorry, that’s the westernized white girl in me talking. In all seriousness, Rahul is supposed to be the campus Cassanova and his idea of flirting is making a woman publicly “prove” her cultural identity. It is hella problematic #notwoke. Tina slays her rendition her rendition of “Om Jai Jagdish Hare.” This is a song sung during Aarti at Hindu prayers. Even I, a culturally beige-washed American, know the chorus and a few verses of this song because if I didn’t sing a long and stay for Aarti, I didn’t get ladoo and ladoo is delicious.

Now we get to the structural problems with this script. A half an hour passes with that is pertinent to the plot of the film. There is a student talent show that is completely irrelevant to the overall plot of the film and simply another excuse for a song and dance. It’s a great song. If they played this at a party, I would not be mad. Tina, Rahul, and OG Anjali essentially improv a full performance and it goes over like gangbusters. It also seems to be an excuse to dress Tina and OG Anjali like 2/5ths of The Spice Girls. Tina is Posh. OG Anjali is a strange mixture of Sporty and Baby. Again, a fun song but would work better as a single. The title song of this film is set among the ruins of a Scottish castle (seriously). For all the shit Rahul gave Tina for going to school in the UK, he seems super content wearing his GAP sweatshirt while singing and dancing in the land of his colonialist oppressor. Sadly, the title song is the least catchy of the film and doesn’t seem to make much sense. Are they all having the same dream about Scotland? Is it a paid advertisement for popular athletic brands of the 1990s? Is it a political statement about India, Scotland, and British colonialism? Who the fuck knows.

We finally come to an important plot point. In an English class taught by the sexually subversive faculty member who wears miniskirts, the students are reading Romeo and Juliet. TANGENT: The professor’s notes on Romeo and Juliet are covered in pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. These are licensed images from the 1996 film. How did this get past Baz Luhrmann’s lawyers? Tangent aside, instead of asking the students specific questions about the text (or movie), she poses the super deep question: What is love? *insert “A Night at The Roxbury” reference here* Really? What is love? Poor Tina. She left Oxford for this? Rahul answers the question with the level of intellect and sophistication we come to expect from him. He says “love is friendship” causing both Tina and OG Anjali to believe that he is in love with his best friend, OG Anjali. We know this is not true because Tina and OG Anjali are the real love story of this movie. WHY ELSE WOULD SHE NAME HER DAUGHTER AFTER HER?

At this point, OG Anjali believes she has feelings for Rahul and becomes weepy-eyed. When she goes to him to confess her feelings in a wheat field (as one does), he greets her with a confession of love. He then retracts it without giving her a chance to respond and says he was just practicing for when he plans to tell Tina. This guy is the goddamned worst. Why are we supposed to like him, again? OG Anjali responds to this the way any intelligent, self-possessed woman would: By dropping out of college. Rahul and Tina are upset and try to get her to get off the train. She does not. Cool. Way to make a great life decision. Which brings us back to…

LITTLE ANJALI CRYING WHILE READING THIS IN A LETTER. Remember Little Anjali? It’s her birthday? She somehow managed to be a sweet kid despite being raised by MTV and a borderline negligent father. This is the halfway point in the film. Seriously, this shit is only half over. 

It’s now up to Little Anjali to reunite her father and her namesake. She decides to play a word-association game she learned by watching MTV-India to get more background information on OG Anjali. This misguided little girl starts the game by jumping on her father’s back and asking him what word he thinks of when he thinks of the word “sexy”. She says this while on his back. The visual isn’t great. Rahul responds to the “sexy” prompt with the name of HIS MOTHER. This family needs some serious therapy or they are tip-toeing treacherously close to Greek Tragedy territory. Anyway, when she says “Anjali”, he responds with “Sharma” (OG Anajli’s last name). While this seems farfetched that he’d say her last name when his own daughter Anjali is being carried on his back, it’s is not even the most bizarre thing to happen in the last five minutes of this movie.

Little Anjali and the grandmother ask more questions about Anjali Sharma. Rahul says she was his best friend in college. He explains that OG Anjali “wasn’t like other girls” because she enjoyed sports and didn’t “wear make up or short skirts.” “She was one of the guys,” he explains with a smile. I’m starting to think that OG Anjali is just the Bollywood iteration of the Hollywood “cool girl.” I want to take this moment to say that not all American exports are good. Sure, we may have given the world Diet Coke and “Hamilton” but this concept of the female lead who is “not like other girls” is hashtag problematic as hell. “Not like other girls” implies that it is somehow better to be in the company of men and masculinity than it is to be among things and people deemed “feminine.” While it’s on the surface empowering, it’s underlying message is steeped in outdated and patriarchy perpetuating myths about gender. Additionally, no girl is like all “other girls” because women and girls make up 3.5 billion people worldwide. Each girl and woman has her own interests, passions, and opinions that make her unique. It makes me truly sad to see other cultures adopt this “not like other girls concept” and use it to propagate problematic gender norms in their own societies.

That last paragraph was brought to you by my Seven Sisters education. Back to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai- Rahul, his mother, and Little Anjali head back to Xavier College to see Tina’s father on the anniversary of her death. While there, they decide to look up Anjali Sharma. Principal Malhotra says that he knows someone who might be able to help. Rifat Bi, the housemother of the girls dormitory remembers every student and as it turns out is still in touch with Anjali.

A note about Rifat Bi: She is a devout Muslim woman and when she is introduced, the Muslim call to prayer is used as background music. I am ashamed to say that as an Indian-American raised in an increasingly Islamophobic society, I heard that music and got scared-like white lady walking through Compton scared. I thought some “Homeland” shit was about to go down. And I’m a liberal! I voted and volunteered for Hillary! But as ashamed as it made me feel to feel fear upon hearing “Allah u Akbar,” I used this as an opportunity to challenge my Islamophobic assumptions. Rifat is a helpful and kind woman who does what she can to help the Khanna family find OG Anjali. When she gets a phone call that OG Anjali is engaged, she tearfully tells the family the news. At this point, Little Anjali (instead of crying) puts on a hijab and sits on a prayer mat. Although this plot point is Kellyanne Conway level ridiculous, it’s actually a very earnest expression of interfaith prayer and a rare positive portrayal of Islam. While little Anjali prays, Rifat gets another phone call to say Anjali’s wedding has been postponed until December because of astrology.

So what has become of OG Anjali? Well, she’s engaged to an NRI (that’s Non-Resident Indian) who lives/works in London. Her fiancé is a man and I was a little bummed by that (sigh, India). OG Anjali now presents herself in a more traditionally feminine way. Now when we see her, her hair is long, her eyebrows threaded, and she is wearing…makeup. Granted, it is her engagement party but she doesn’t go back to wearing track pants or jeans for the rest of the film. I guess now that she has feminized herself in a traditionally Indian way, she’s the focal point of this second-half love triangle. Her fiancé, Aman Mehra (Salman Khan) seems like a cool dude and he and his bros have some sick dance moves. If Pinterest existed in India in 1998, pictures and video of this scene would have been a bigger wedding trend than mason jars. Aman is also infinitely more watchable, charismatic, and attractive than Shah Rukh Khan. He is not quite the match for OG Anjali that Tina was but she’s dead and nobody’s perfect.

OG Anjali wants to take some time while Aman goes back to London to teach singing/dancing to kids at a summer camp. Little Anjali finds out about this by calling the engagement venue and eavesdropping on the conversation OG Anjali and Aman have about the camp. With new knowledge about the summer camp, Anjali begs her dad to go. He says absolutely not because she has never shown any interest in singing or dancing. Really? This kid watches MTV all day Does Rahul know nothing about his kid? God, he’s the worst. Rahul leaves on an “Exporter’s Trip” (so he’s an “exporter”...is that a job? whatever) to London leaving Little Anjali in the care of her grandmother. While he is at the conference he runs in to Aman and there is a bit of confusion with the phones when both Anjalis call at the same time. The men share a laugh before telling the other “best of luck with your Anjali.” Get it? Because women are property!

Little Anjali and her grandmother use this opportunity to escape to OG Anjali’s summer camp. Gotta hand it to Little Anjali for enlisting adult help. If this were a Hollywood film, she would have stolen her dad’s credit card number (I’m looking at you, “Sleepless in Seattle”). Anjali and her grandmother head to the camp and it’s actually pretty cute. Mrs. Khanna schools the Anglophile camp director on colonialism and goes as far as to dismantle his portrait of Elizabeth I. Honestly, I’d like to watch a movie about an Indian grandmother dismantling colonialist symbols and taking back her power but alas, this is as fruitless as wishing for a queer romance in a Bollywood film. Meanwhile, Little Anjali meets her name sake while dressed like a “Dora the Explorer” cosplayer. Rahul (Parent of the Fucking Century) decides to use MTV to reach out to his daughter and says “Anjali, I miss you, please come home.” OG Anjali hears this and briefly thinks Rahul is talking about her. In that moment, she realizes Little Anjali is Tina and Rahul’s daughter. OG Anjali cries dramatically upon seeing the picture of Tina that Little Anjali sleeps with. Shortly after the identities are revealed, Little Anjali leaves a message for her father with the sound of her sneezing and he runs dramatically to the camp. Remember, this is the same man who left his child to wander the streets of Mumbai for two hours.

Rahul arrives at the camp while the children are singing “Ragupati Raghava Rajaram”-a song I sang every morning as a child. Unlike my childhood prayer, this song has a dance floor beat. I think you could probably play this at The Abbey in West Hollywood and it would be a hit. If I heard this version while sipping a G&T and talking to my new best friend about the red carpet at Cannes, I’d be weirded out in the best possible way. Rahul walks in just in time for ladoo (sweet timing, dude) and calls for Anjali. Both his daughter and his love interest respond-that’s not a Freudian nightmare at all. OG Anjali and share a cinematic moment. Rahul decides to just stay at the camp with his daughter and mother while they sing dance out some feelings of unrequited love and play “basketball.” Little Anjali is finally able to show off her singing and dancing skills. Girl has some skills. All that MTV has really paid off. All these background kids are seriously talented dancers. I can only imagine how good Disney Channel India is.

This is where things get *dramatic* again. OG Anjali remembers she is still engaged to Aman and leaves the camp in tears. A little boy in a turban who hasn’t talked before, cries and tells her not to leave. When Rahul sees OG Anjali leaving he hands her the scarf she was wearing the day she left college. Has he really had it this whole time? Also there are a ton of continuity errors with OG Anjali’s engagement ring-sometimes it’s garnet and others times it’s diamond. Is there no one whose job it is to check for these things? There are so many poor, unemployed people in India. Bollywood could solve a lot of problems if they hired some people to spot and avoid blatant continuity errors. Economics lecture aside, it starts to rain and who shows up but Aman saying he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married because fuck astrology. Little Anjali and Rahul look distressed.

Little Anjali decides to try a little reverse psychology with Aman. She tells him that he is a very handsome man and could have any woman he would want. Why would he want to marry OG Anjali? God, she’s going to be a monstrous teenager. Aman (jokingly) goes along with what Little Anjali is saying. He says he is handsome and doesn’t have to settle for someone “dark and fat.” Way to reenforce colorism and body shaming, Bollywood. It’s not enough that this movie takes place in India and no one has a “dusky” complexion but let’s throw a little fat shaming in there as well. Nonetheless, Fair and Lovely ™ Aman says that he loves OG Anjali and is ready to get married.

At the wedding, OG Anjali can’t stop crying/thinking about Rahul and Little Anjali. When she comes down the stairs, Aman sees the distress in her face and lets her go. He tells her that he wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him. Besides, he says someone told him “he could have any woman he wants” and shoots Little Anjali a smile. This guy seems genuinely jazzed to be not getting married despite declaring his love in the rain just before this. Rahul and OG Anjali tearfully embrace and it’s assumed they end up together. Little Anjali cries tears of joy while wearing casual western wear. There is no way in hell I could have worn anything other than Indian clothes to someone’s fancy wedding. Little Anjali and Aman lead a pretty solid dance at the not wedding. A farfetched idea but hey, the choreography is on point-a pretty accurate description of the film as a whole.

[satire-please]

Where the Moon and Night Meet

Summary: For @the-all-seer‘s bday.  :)  Enjoy my dear, I love you to pieces.  I had this A/B/O idea for FFXV where what if the whole bloodline of Lucis were Omegas?  And what if an Omega Noctis meets an Alpha Luna for the first time as kids.  Adorable fluff with Awesome!Dad Regis and a bit of world building thrown in.

Long ago the Starscourge fell upon Eos and laid its land and people to waste.  Seeing the aftermath of the rampage, one of the six took pity at humanity scant and few on the surface.  Therefore she blessed humanity with secondary characteristics, secondary genders so they will always have the ability to multiply or prosper.  Each gender possessed a deep instinct or drive so their people could thrive.  

Alphas were to fight, protect and defend their own from all.

Betas kept order and peace throughout the land.

Omegas nurtured, gave and sacrificed what was necessary for tomorrow’s future.

Currently though as Noctis watches Prompto, he doesn’t feel really peaceful.  No, he feels like he wants to strangle the beta.  Huh, maybe then he’ll be at peace?

“So Noct are you excited to be getting married?”  The open road made Prompto excited and restless.  “I mean it’s Lunafreya.  She’s practically a goddess made flesh!” 

Noctis eyes Prompto and tries a gruff, “I guess.”  But he can’t really stop his heart from beating a little harder at the thought of their upcoming reunion.  Neither can he stop the pleased, but anxious scent that floods the Regalia.

“Awwwww, are you nervous? Don’t be!  Any Alpha is lucky to have you as their Omega.” And Prompto leans over the seat to get into Noct’s face and wag his eyebrows suggestively.  “And to think?  An Alpha putting a ring on our Noct.” 

Gladio snorts into his hand as he leans out the window, “Who knows, maybe Noct will finally listen to an Alpha for once.” 

“Ha, you wish.” Noct snaps back with a laugh. 

“Everyday.” Gladio mutters, “Every fucking day.”

“You would be surprised.” Ignis of course cannot help but add his two cents in. “Noct and Miss Lunafreya have always been quite partial to each other. Even when they first met, Noctis was very eager to most of her suggestions.”

“Ignis…” Noctis growls lightly sensing danger in the smug smell that Ignis emits.  This can’t be good.

Ignis just smirks in the rearview mirror.  “In fact, if I recall correctly, the prince even starting purring after Miss Luna suggested giving him a tour of the grounds herself.” 

Prompto whips his head around from Ignis to Noctis so fast that Noctis hopes that Prompto doesn’t have a neck injury.  Then he takes the thought back immediately when the biggest chocobo-eating grin that Noct has ever seen splits across his face.

“Oh realllllllllly.” Purring is an important sign omegas unconsciously give out only when they’re deeply content or happy about something. 

“Ignis shut up!” Noct whines.  He tries to get up to grab the driver’s shoulder, cover his mouth, or do something to shut the man up.  Anything to stop what’s definitely going to be an embarrassing, traumatic story about his early omega days.  Unfortunately, Gladio wants that hazing moment badly enough to reach over to push Noct back into his seat. 

“Sit down, and didn’t your pop ever tell you it’s not safe to disturb the driver.  Plus I desperately need to hear this.”

Ignis pushes his glasses up his nose, “Of course the tour of the grounds turned into a tour of the gardens and then Miss Lunafreya stated she must for diplomacy’s sake show him around the household, which of course turned into a tour—“

“Of her bedroom?” Gladio leers at Noct and blocks the punch aimed his way.  “Look at you Prince, a real lady killer I’m so proud~”

“It wasn’t like that.  We were just kids!” Noctis hissed, his ears bright red.  And the rest of the gang coo and aww like the assholes they are at the sight.  Any time Noct shows other emotions than brooding and quiet determination is a point in their favor. 

“Indeed, Gladio. There’s no need to be crude.  Such remarks reflect poorly upon the innocence of the two that practically bonded at first sight.  But yes, a tour of the bedchambers occurred at one point.” Ignis stops purses his lips in thought. “In truth during our short yet memorable stay, Noct could usually be found in her quarters.”  

“Oh my god, you’re making things worse.” Noct groans, burying his face in his palms and tries to find a reason not to hurl himself out of the car.  As if he can find one. Noct unbuckles the seat belt and leans over the Regalia’s side.  Maybe there’s a decent warp point from here.  The whiplash is going to suck but if he can get away from the ribbing….

“Geez Noct, don’t look like that!” Prompto chides.  As a beta he starts emitting a calming scent at Noct’s caged expression.  “We’re just kidding!”

“Yeah, don’t get your panties in a twist, your highness.” Gladio grabs the edge of Noct’s jacket, because he wouldn’t put it pass the idiot to trying warping when they’re going 85 miles per hour. 

“Leave my underwear out of this,” Noctis snarls, but lets the pushy Alpha tug him back into place. “And just can it okay?” 

Prompto pouts.  “But you two must have been so cute!”

“They were.” Ignis reminisces, “They still are.” 

“But that stuff, it’s…ours. I don’t want to—I don’t need to share it.” Noct glances to the three before watching the scenery rush by.  “Does that even make sense?”

“Well, you have always been a private kinda guy.” Prompto says scratching his head. 

Gladio grunts. “Ha. That’s one way to put it, but fine.  I guess we’ll lay off for now.” 

“For the current moment. A quick respite.” Ignis acknowledges that there is a time and place, “Yet the closer we get to your wedding, the loser my lips will be.  I hope you can forgive me when I crack.”

“I’ll try.” Noct say dryly.  But is grateful for the break.  He takes a deep breath and for a while gets lost down memory lane himself.  And when he met her.  

She was the shiniest thing Noct had ever seen. 

When Dad said they were visiting Tenebrae to help with diplomatic relations as well as to acquaint Noct to kingdoms besides his own.  Noct had been sullen because Dad was lying.  Again.  Noctis isn’t an idiot; he does pay attention to his lessons.  Besides everyone knows Tenebrae is infamous for its healing magics.

This was another thing to try to fix his useless legs.  To try to fix him.

Insomnia’s doctors and medics had tried everything to cure the injury to his spine and legs…but nothing. Procedure after procedure was met with failure and Noct is sick with the way his father’s face twists from hope to heartbroken disappointment every single time.  As if each setback adds to guilt Regis carries of not being there for his son when the monster attacked.    

Noctis will never forget the way his Dad tore into that creature. 

Noct knows that in other countries, people like to color Omegas as the weakest cast, but if they could only see his father annihilate the threat to his child.  How the armiger glowed and burned stronger than the fire. Or the hands pressed on his back and sides trying frantically to stop the puddle of his blood from getting larger.

The worst part was when he woke up to his Dad sobbing. The broken, “We’ll find a way Noct, I promise. I promise.” 

“I know.” Noctis had weakly mewed.  But he wishes his father would be okay if they don’t.  If Noct does have to use the wheelchair for the rest of his life. 

And he knows that Dad will still love him, but Regis can’t stop the whispers of Noct not only being an omega, but an injured one.  Sure the whole royal bloodline of Lucis have always been omegas but the council does not need another excuse to be more overprotective and smothering to its rulers. Regis already regularly duels to show his fighting competence, that yes he can leave his crown city and come back in one piece.

Noct?  Noctis doesn’t have a chance right now. 

In this instance though? His bad mood, bad thoughts fade away. Her eyes are so blue.  They match a summer sky with hair so blonde it’s like starlight that frames her soft smile.

“Hello, Prince Noctis. My name is Lunafreya.  Welcome to Tenebrae.”  The girl bends just a little bit over his wheelchair to offer her hand. 

Noctis takes it, wow she’s so warm, and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.  “Hello. It’s nice to meet you Lunafffff-, Lunafre—” He feels his mouth snap closed, his cheeks on fire.  What the heck is wrong with him?

And Noct always thought Alphas were kind of intimidating or jerks, but the girl just seems to sparkle at his response.  “The pleasure is all mine.”  She feels her heart swell, taking in the red flush spreading on the boy’s skin.  She leans closer to him, the distance between them narrowing as she lets her presence soothe any embarrassment.  “If it’s alright with you,” Lunafreya drops her voice to a whisper. “Would you call me Luna?” 

“Luna.” Noctis breathes, his eyes so lovely with her reflection and oh Lunafreya is going to keep this person. 

“I like the way you say my name.”  Lunafreya can’t help but inhale the prince’s scent.  She wants to know it, be able to find in a crowd or across the sea if she needs to.  Noctis’ smell has the tint of sweetness all omegas carry, but it’s like earth after a thunderstorm, charged with lightning and fresh with rain. 

She loves it. 

She squeezes Noctis hand, turning her hold from passive to active and spins to her Mother rapidly. Her white fur cape brushes over Noct’s bare arm and his breathing hitches.  Underneath the cloth, Luna gently grips his forearm, pressing the scent glands at their wrists together.  Their scents will mix and though Noct doesn’t exactly want to let go, he kinda really wants to see what the new blend smells like.

“Mother, may I show Prince Noctis the grounds?  I’m sure Noctis would appreciate our national flower the sylleblossom.”  She looks imploringly to the Queen.  “It would do well to show him what makes Tenebrae great.”

It’s so slight, but Regis is close enough to discern the quiet noise coming from the back of his son’s throat.   Noctis is purring.  It’s been so long since Regis heard that sound, he feels his brow furrow.  Well. This is an unexpected turn of events.

When the Lucian King looks over to Queen Sylva, another Alpha in their family, he sees that he is not the only one who’s surprised.  “Why Lunafreya, that’s a lovely idea.  Thank you for being so accommodating.” 

“How could I not Mother, which such honored guests?”  Regis will admit the girl is very eloquent for one of her age.  Almost savvy, she’ll be a political, yet polite terror if or when she takes her mother’s throne.  

Sylva Nox Fleuret gives a sweeping gesture behind her, “I can only be grateful for such a hospitable daughter.  When you are finished, you can meet us at the courtyard.” 

“Thank you Mother.”   Slowly she detaches her hand from Noctis, who gives a downtrodden look until Luna whispers something into his ear so quietly not even Ignis holding Noct’s chair can hear. Yet when she places a hand on the chair’s handlebar…she sharpens. 

“Where to Miss Lunafreya? Or shall we just follow you?” Ignis says coolly. 

“Actually, I was thinking I could take over your duties for once.  As a royal retainer, there’s so much for you to do during a trip such as this. You could dedicate yourself to making sure the prince’s accommodations are suitable if you like.   I do not mind pushing the prince around.”  Lunafreya’s words are civil, but the look she gives….is less so. 

As a Beta Ignis shouldn’t feel riled up by the little upstart, but two can play that game. “I’m sure I can balance all of my duties princess.  There’s no need for your concern.”  He smiles chillingly. 

“Nonsense.  Besides I’m certain the prince—“

“Noctis.  If I can call you Luna…you can call me Noctis or Noct.” Between the blondes, the prince mumbles.

“—I’m certain Noctis,” Luna rolls the name in her mouth like it’s delicious, “would enjoy spending time with someone closer to his age.” 

“Now see here—“

“Ignis.”  Noctis halts the tirade in its tracks.  “I-I’d like that.  Can I, I mean may I go?”   

And Ignis has never been good at denying his prince.  Ever. “Oh, alright.  I’ll expect you in the courtyard.”  The tired teenager relents.

“Thanks.” And that small appreciative smile is the reason Ignis folds like a deck of cards. 

Beaming, Lunafreya takes the handles somewhat graciously and wheels the heir away from the group. Her voice chattering in the distance, interspersed with a couple low tones from Noctis.

Regis pats Ignis’ shoulder. “Rest assured Ignis, Miss Lunafreya will give the best of care to our dear Noct.” 

“That’s what I’m afraid of, your Majesty.” Ignis dares to utter as he bows to leave.  “But as the princess mentioned I have things to attend to.”

Then it’s only the monarchs with their retinues in the clearing left.  Sizing up each other, Alpha to Omega, Sylva beckons with an expression of keen interest. 

“Come, you must be tired from your journey.” She takes in how exhausted the man looks, and the instincts in Sylva growl a bit.  Surely Lucia should do better to support their omegas.  “We now have even more to talk about.”  

The halls of the Fleuret Manor ring with Regis’ clipped footsteps.  The king searches for his son as the night waxes, passing room upon room of calming tones of blue and purple.   True, Regis could have had Ignis do the task, but there is a kind of fulfillment of putting one’s own child to bed. 

Also it is an excuse to escape the Queen’s clutches. 

The woman is a kind one, yet Regis wishes she would focus more on the care of his son than him. Sometimes he swears Sylva combines the mother-hening force of the entire Lucian counsel.  Her views on the care of Omegas…are different than his own. 

But besides his health, the monarchs have started to contemplate the future of their heirs.  Regis would rather ponder about Noct’s marriage when the boy is thirty.  But it is a possible match, a possible alliance.  Even this afternoon the conversation followed different variations of:

“Truly you can see the advantages of such an arrangement, Regis.”

“Yes, but I fear the fates have a very different picture of the future than we do.”

“Then should we not press for even the scantest trace of their happiness?” 

And Miss Lunafreya and Noctis are very fond of one another. They spend much of their waking hours in each other’s company and it is good to hear Noct’s laughter again.  In addition there is finally progress with Noctis’ injuries; the healers truly have earned their reputation well.  The prince exhausts quickly, only few steps before he collapses…usually into Lunafreya’s arms. 

On that note, Regis easily deducts Noctis’ whereabouts.  

He’s about to knock on the young lady’s door, but his hand freezes at the sound of Noct’s voice. 

“This feels kinda weird Luna.” 

“You think so?  I swear I’m doing it right.”  A rustle.  “Is it a bad weird or a good weird?” 

“I’m not sure…it almost tickles?” 

“Well you let me know if you want me to stop.”  And then there’s a wet noise. 

Regis gurgles and wretches the door open.  On Miss Lunafreya’s bed the two sit side by side with Luna’s head buried into his precious son’s neck. Their fingers intertwined as the girl kittenly licks Noct’s nape as if preparing to…

The Dear Six, they’re attempting a mating bite.

“Lunafreya Nox Fleuret what do you think you’re doing?” Noctis jerks at Regis’ shout while Luna looks up frightened.

“Sir, I-I—“ Tears spring from the girl’s eyes.

“Get away from him.” The king strides forward with the intent to rip them apart.  “I cannot believe that someone of your prestige would dare—“

“Stop yelling at her, it was my idea!” Noct yells twisting his body in front of Luna’s. 

“Noctis.”  Regis stares at his son shocked. 

“We…” He looks to his friend for guidance.  “Luna?”

Softly she explains, “We overheard that it is most likely for us to be married.”

“But no one asked us what we thought.  You didn’t, Luna’s mother didn’t.  Nobody even asked us what we wanted.”  Noctis blurts out shakily. 

“So we discussed it. We desired to do something…without being told to do it.” 

“So I asked Luna to be my bride.” Noctis states with determination. 

“And I asked Noctis to be my omega.” She stares at Noctis in wonder.  “He said yes.”

A quiet smile graces Noct’s face and he takes a second to nuzzle Luna’s face. “We both said yes…but words aren’t enough.  A mark is stronger, better.  It’s something that can’t be erased.” 

“B-but a mating bite?” Regis choked out.  He had planned to have this type of conversation with Noctis later.  Much, much, much later.

“Why not?” Noctis stubbornly retorts.  He points to Regis accusingly.  “You still rub the one Mom gave you sometimes.”

“And my mother still bares my father’s mark proudly, even years after his death.” Luna adds.  From behind she wraps her arms tight around her dear one’s waist.  If the king of Lucis wishes to remove her, they’ll have to cut her arms off first. Luna will hold on, Noctis is worth it. 

“So there’s no reason for you to be mad, Dad.  We did nothing wrong!”

Regis pauses and chooses his words carefully.  “It’s not necessarily that it’s the wrong action, as it is the wrong time.” 

“What do you mean?”Noctis glares when Regis finishes crossing the room to sit on the bed. 

“A mating bite is special. It should be done after your wedding ceremony.  When you’re together for the first time as a pair, alone and somewhere private.” 

“But we were together alone and somewhere private.  Until you butted in.”

“And older, Noctis.” Regis snaps, “Much older and mature.  You are still children for heaven’s sake.” 

He can see the two getting ready to argue more and puts up a hand. “But there is something that you can do now.  Something that’s more appropriate for your age and circumstance.”

“And what would that be, King Regis?” Luna asks eagerly. 

“A bite of intent.  A bite that designates a willingness to begin a courtship.” Regis looks to his hands.  “A relationship takes time.  Time to develop, time to grow.  Even if this arranged marriage does take place I, and your mother Lunafreya, would never force you children into something you’re not ready for.”

He gets up from the bed to kneel in front of the children.  “You can take your time.  And if you change your mind, we will wholeheartedly accept your decision.  Yet for now, there’s no need to rush.”

Luna and Noctis look at each other and then back to Regis.  “Alright.  How do we do a bite of intent?”  Noctis questions.

Regis takes a deep breath in relief.  Oh, thank the stars he found the pair before anything else could happen.  “The two of you will take the other’s wrist and bite down on the scent gland there.  It will hurt and feel strange as it does create somewhat of a fledgling bond, but I will watch you to make sure it is done right.”

Noctis nods and offers Luna his wrist, Luna does the same.  Luna presses gentle kisses to light blue veins she finds while Noctis mouths the pulse on hers, but neither do anything until Regis nods.

“Ready…bite.”

In unison the two bite down hard, wincing for a moment as blood fills their mouths but soon their expression turn relaxed and sated. 

Noctis feels something snap into place. It’s like going home or seeing an old friend you didn’t know you had.  It’s Luna.  A bright feeling of happiness almost overtakes the prince, and it increases as he realizes that Luna’s emotions echo his. 

It’s wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. 

Quietly, Regis reaches over to tug their wrists towards him to wipe off the blood, and wrap the sluggish wounds.  They’ll heal almost immediately, but they will leave a faint scar. 

All that’s left is to carry his wayward son to bed and think of ways to avoid Queen’s Sylva’s smug inquires tomorrow.

 “Now say goodnight, Noct.”  His son is getting bigger, but Regis treasures each moment he can still hold his boy like this.

“Goodnight Luna.” Noctis sends a feeling of contentment down the bond. 

The warm emotion bounces back with a peal of joy.  “May you have sweet dreams, Noctis.”

And he does.

In the present, Noctis rubs the white mark on his wrist hidden by bracelets and charms.  The bond is faint between his intended, distance stretches it as fine as a strand of hair, but it’s still there. 

Noctis feels a brush of apprehension, of excitement…of hope from her.  ‘I miss you too.’ He tries back, he can’t send words exactly but maybe the impression will be enough. 

Well at least that’s one thing Ignis can’t embarrass him with.  The memory of the ‘almost’ mating bite, their first step as a couple.  That’s all Luna’s and Noct’s.  It’s all theirs. 

‘I’m coming.’ Noctis thinks and prays.  ‘Just wait for me Luna, I’m coming…’

[magical-agatha]

I'm enjoying houkago no pleiades so much. I can't believe i didn't know about it until just now. For goodness sake it's a mahou shoujo by gainax. It's brilliant. It's definitely got their flair. It's a fucking high concept abstract scifi magical girl show. They referred to redshift!!!! The astrophysics thing!!!!!! And part of the plot involves timelines merging and flowing together. Time and space reorienting themselves so that specific versions of the five main characters exist in the same universe. Keeping in mind that there are infinite universes. And it plays on the core mahou shoujo theme, well one of them, that they are powerful because they're undecided, they're at a point in life where nothing is certain so by that they have unlimited potential. Madoka played with that too. Remember in madoka how kyubey or however you spell that awful rat's name, he explained that they chose teenage girls because they were going to have the most varied and traumatic experience. Well, he says they're at a stage in their life where they're emotions are most intense or something. But if you're familiar with madoka and where the witches come from. It means he picked teenage girls because it would supposedly be most difficult for them. If the goal is to make them suffer, of course he wouldn't pick an adult. Wow epiphany. What a bastard that vile rat was, or is i guess. Back on track. Houkago no pleiades is great. It definitely reeks of gainax. All the gainax shows I've seen were full of themes and ideas about the universe being fluid and abstract. Gunbuster dealt with how space travel would affect time. So did diebuster, but diebuster was also where humanity began realising spiral power, which i think can be summed up as bending the universe and forcing it to do as you tell to by pure willpower, or simply choosing your own fate. And then gurren lagann! No explanation necessary really. I never finished eva but that was full of this stuff. It's very cool to see those themes applied to a mahou shoujo. Oh and of course flcl. The one i don't like, but it's completely relevant. You know i read a theory that shinji and the mc from flcl are just alternate universe versions of simon. And it makes sense i think. But i need to finish eva. Ho hum. Kill la kill held on to these themes. But lwa hasn't as far as I'm concerned. Which is such a shame now that i think of it. I should watch more trigger stuff. Kiznaiver is next on my list to watch after pleiades. You know there are several anime series, namely gunbuster, diebuster, gurren lagann, madoka, kill la kill, yuuki yuuna, and a few others, which are very dear to me. When i watch these shows my heart feels close to bursting. And my blood feels hot and ethereal. Seeing these people start with nothing and reach incredible heights by pure willpower makes me feel incredible. I want to be like them. Of course i do. I'm a depressed trans girl who has no self esteem. I don't eat or sleep properly, or look after my health, because i think so poorly of myself. On a very basic level i don't think i deserve to be happy. Not only that but i seem to be intent on punishing myself. As if i deserve to be miserable. As if i don't deserve to get better. So of course i look at these incredible people who can reshape the universe by willpower alone, and i cling to them. I watch these shows and for a few hours i can believe that things will get better. But the way some of these shows ended was a punch to the gut for me. Simon got old and forgotten, ryuko went back to living a normal life, they gave up their power. That kills me. It's a reminder that eventually everything ends. One day everyone dies. One day no one will even remember me! I don't want to disappear. I want to live forever. I want to burn brightly. But that's a really bad choice of words. Because burning means you're consuming fuel, which means you can't burn forever since the fuel is most likely finite. And the brighter you burn the faster you consume the fuel right? So these powerful characters burn brightly for a few moments and return to normal. It only makes sense. Even stars go out. Even the universe will eventually fade. You know this reminds me of humans in dark souls. You basically either live as fire, and actually live, but you're mortal. Or you live as a hollow, without even a tiny spark, immortal but never truly alive. My goodness gracious that's such a perfect analogy for what I've done to myself. Over a few years i cut all ties, stopped making friends, stopped taking chances, stopped trusting, and just started to hide myself more and more. I'm wrapped in layers and layers of things that let me hide. The logic being that if i never let myself be vulnerable no one and nothing can hurt me. So I'm a hollow right now. I'm safe, I'm 'immortal', but I'm not truly living. How absurd!!! Look at how pathetic i am!!!!!!! Look what I've done to myself. Isn't this proof that i am worthless? That i do deserve to be miserable? But then I'm not the root of this. It's a lot of different things. Some of my mental illness was apparently inherited, if you take a good look at my family, we're all crazy and miserable, it's no surprise. But my mother suffers badly as well, which meant she did some things raising me which were certainly traumatic, but she never meant to hurt me, she was trying her best. Plus primary school where i was excluded on so many different levels, i sat at a separate desk about 10m away from the rest of the class in kindergarten up to grade 4 because i was disruptive because i was mentally ill, and i was very strange and had a lot of trouble maing friends. The 'friends' i made were actually quite cruel. They spent a lot of time entertaining themselves by bullying me. Initially highschool was similar. My friends were all outcasts. But i was a really soft spoken kid who was desperate to please. Of course they abused that. Then when i got tall and reasonably pretty they kicked me out and i died a lot inside. They were quite cruel. But i just wanted them to like me. So for a year at least i had 1 friend total. But he was also very harmful. He was fun and i don't think he ever meant harm. But he was manipulative and childish. I bent over bacmwards trying to please him. And when i realised he was hurting me, and tried to first communicate that with him, and them cut ties, it went so badly. I tried reconnecting later when i was desperate. He’s a year older than me and he's so pampered and deluded. It's tragic. Tertiary education was better. Likeminded people. Friends of a sort, although i was so scared and bad at socialising. But that was when the gender dysphoria started to really hurt. And also when my mum was still intent on making all my decisions for me. And she was sure i was just in a phase. No way was her son transgender. She rejected me. I completely stopped trusting her. I should note that i hadn't totally trusted her since i was under 10. She was so controlling. She was never willing to change her views or accept that she was wrong. Everything was an absolute. Yes or no. Wrong or right. She forced me to complete a tafe course i hated. I don’t know about that though. Maybe i gave up because it was too hard. Or maybe it was to hard because i was struggling with a witch's cauldron of mental illness. A perfect storm. A divine practical joke. It all compounded from there. Until the present day. There are a few things I've missed. Like working in a kitchen under a verbally abusive chef, which definitely did severe damage to my perception of my self worth. I mean details aside, it's really no wonder I'm where i am. All of these experiences plus lacking treatment for my mental health. I shouldn't blame myself. It's really not my fault. But blaming myself is so ingrained i wonder how I'll ever be able to accept that i deserve to be happy. There are light years of difference between being able to logically say something and actually believing it. Here's a good analogy. If i told you the moon was made of cake, would you believe me? That's what my awful brain is like. Except even though i can prove that I'm not to blame for where i am, that i deserve to be happy, my brain still rejects it as something stupid and silly, like the moon being made of cake! It's hilarious isn't it!! What a nightmare i am!! I'm so thoroughly broken. Look at that!! See! I don’t believe in any of the things i said. This is a stream of consciousness post right? Unedited, writing down my internal monologue. So a second ago i was proving that i don't deserve to be miserable. The logic is right in front of me. But i don't believe it! What a joke!!! If there's any kind of greater power, then i must be hilarious to it. And if there's not that's even worse. Because if there's no god there's certainly no afterlife. The question i think is why bother living if you're only going to be nothing one day. It's a problem for me. Why should i live. What's the point if nothing lasts. Why should i get better. If I'll just disappear one day. My consciousness will just evaporate. Even that's too dramatic. It's more like a light switch. But without even a click to tell you it's off!! I won't be there. I might as well never have existed. We don’t live in a world where incredible power like these shows i cling to exists. There's no spiral power. No magical girls. No power of any kind. We're just wasting time. We're nothing. Nothing at all. We are tiny irrelevant lives, on a tiny irrelevant rock, in a tiny irrelevant spiral around a tiny irrelevant hole. And the scale!! It's mind blowing. It's crushing. The pure unfiltered emptiness of space. More space that we can even comprehend. It's dead and empty!! No!! Dead implies it was once alive, it wasn't and never will be!!!! It's a void!! An abyss!!! It's the most pure nothing!!! So much nothing we can't even grasp it. Why bother with lovecraft when you could just think about space!! Cold and empty!! Nothing living except maybe a handful of places like us. That don't matter even to you or i because if they exist we'll never see or reach them. It takes too long for light to travel to us. If we can see them they'll be dead when we arrive!!! Why do we bother living!! Do you know?? It's stupidity and ignorance. We look at the night sky and see pretty lights. We fantasize about science fiction and aliens that we can't ever meet. We are alone!! And we have nothing to look forward to but death!!!!! Why should i bother living! Why shouldn't i Give Up. And i mean the kind of giving up you can't take back. I'm scared of it. I can't even say the word. I don't want to die but what's the point in living. Look at that!! I'm such a fucking joke! This was supposed to be a short comment on houkago no pleiades. I'm so broken and crazy. Goodness gracious. "Let me see you grit those teeth". I keep thinking about that scene. How did he do it. How did kamina believe in himself and simon so much. Was he just an idiot? Whatever he had. I need it. The desire to live. The willpower. The self confidence to move the universe. I need something. Some small fragment of what he and simon had. Goodness gracious I sound deranged. I wish i had some kind of power. Something to prove that i have worth. The core of all of my problems is that i don't believe in myself. And i don't have a Kamina. There's no 'believe in the me that believes in you', because there's no one that truly believes in me. This hole is so deep. How will i ever climb out of it. I need something new. I need something new to enter this situation. Something to change things. I need something to save me and push me forward. I keep looking for an answer. But i can't find one. It's a silly analogy, but maybe i need a drill so i can tunnel out the side of the hole and up. I need a new angle.