#disclaimer. i am not actually mad abt it

[contagious-watermelon]

its always annoying when you reblog something that on its own is normal and understandable, but then someone reblogs it from you and you know they're doing so for reasons which you directly oppose and that are a misinterpretation of the sentiment behind (why you reblogged) the post

[itsalwaysdark]

watching a youtuber talking abt a horror movie and itis so obvious when somebody has only talked to mental health professionals for like. depression or anxiety* . bc shes sitting here like Woah i dont understand this guys like engaged to a therapist why doesnt he understand that someone being mentally ill doesnt mean theyre an evil scary person... I am sorry to say this but even being a mental health professional doesnt mean you dont think mentally ill ppl r evil and scary and gross

*this is an assumption on my part bc this yter has never talked about having anything other than those afaik Obv its her right not to just in my experience and the experience of other ppl ive spoken to . it seems like if you have pretty much anything other than those and talk to a therapist you would not have this idea that mental health professionals are like. inherently understanding and whathaveyou

[gibbearish]

i know im preaching to the choir on transgumblr.com but can i just say. cis people who throw big fits about transfems who dont shave have just. black holes for brains. like even putting everything about how it sucks to say shaving=femininity while pretending to be a feminist and whatnot aside, you cannot tell me a beard isnt a dope as fuck accessory on a femme look. it literally fucks and if you think it looks gross you can just say you have bad taste and go. beards look cool as fuck and femmes look cool as fuck, why would combining them cancel out the cool as fuck factor. like are you jealous that they get free jaw contouring without having to put anything on their face or what

[voidimp]

yeah yeah okay maybe there is something to be said for eating healthier. whatever

[twoa-plus]

stanford pines & npd

i have been thinking about this for a WHILE so figured i should finally make a post about it. obligatory i am not a doctor i’m just yapping, if any of the info/wording here is wrong lmk :)

i don’t have a problem with “ford has npd” headcanons, a lot of the reasons people give are completely valid and i think it has a lot of potential in adding depth to his character, but there’s also a lot of times i see it and it seems like the op just doesn’t understand ford as a character and/or npd. so !! here’s a couple of counterpoints/things to consider :D

a lot of his social issues (especially his struggles with empathy & difficulty connecting to people who are different from him) can easily be attributed to autism. like the dude definitely has an ego problem but that’s not the only thing to him, he’s a Person. not every problem he has with other people is because he just thinks he’s Better Than Them - he does genuinely have issues connecting with others, and his personality can make it seem like he just doesn’t care. there seems to be this issue online/in fandom of needing people to be complete social butterflies, the perfect image of nail-biting, hand-wringing social anxiety, or shut-in misanthropes, but people & their relationships are more complicated than that. ford doesn’t fit into any of those categories - he’s neither super sociable nor anxious, but that doesn’t by default mean his isolation from others is wanted or comes from a place of superiority. he just has trouble bonding with people outside of shared interests, which is really common in autism. the entire dd&md episode is ford going completely overboard with this ttrpg because he’s “gone a while without a friend,” which just ,, doesn’t fit with someone that Doesn’t Care. dd&md doesn’t have anything to do with his work, he’s not testing dipper to make sure he’s worthy of his company or whatever, he’s just having fun with someone who likes the same things as him - that’s the only way he really knows to spend time with people. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love mabel or stan, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to bond or connect with them, and it doesn’t mean he thinks he’s above them - he just doesn’t know how to express that. every day i wake up and i think about how ford wanted stan to play dd&md with them and i cry

(as a side note bc i think this needs more explanation here - no, i genuinely don’t think ford, deep down, thinks he’s better than stan. stan has a lot of good qualities and i’m sure ford is aware of that *cough cough his ability to bond with the kids cough cough*, they just have a really strained relationship. it’s not just ford being mad at stan, either - stan has his own reasons for being upset with ford. between the 40 years worth of tension and them Being Siblings i think it’s really easy to take ford’s attitude towards him as a superiority thing when imo it’s closer to having 2 five year olds in the backseat of a car going “HE TOUCHED ME !!” “HE TOUCHED ME FIRST !!!” “NUH-UH !!!!” lol)

autism aside, that previous part has a lot of mentions of ford having an “ego problem” or “superiority complex” etc etc, which are usually some pretty big points people bring up with him having npd - but npd is a lot more complicated than that. this is where the “i’m not a doctor” disclaimer becomes really important - this is based on my own very limited understanding of npd, so take it with a grain of salt lol. that being said i’m not gonna talk abt actual npd too much for obvious reasons, but i do have one thing to point out, that being the core/root issue/whatever else u wanna call it of npd. from what i understand, people with npd have very low self-worth, and their behaviors come from a place of wanting others’ attention and approval as a stand-in or replacement of their own self image. this ,, isn’t something i think ford has a problem with. i don’t think his confidence in himself or his abilities is a facade (which is ok!! he’s made mistakes, sure, but the dude has done a lot of genuinely impressive things in his life), and - this might sound a little crazy but hear me out - i don’t think he actually cares that much about what others think of him. yeah, there’s all that stuff in journal 3 about him wanting to be the next Big Scientist or whatever, but i honestly think that was his father’s dream, not his. i’ve talked about this before, but filbrick having a preference for ford doesn’t mean he was suddenly a present and caring father towards him - both of the stans desperately wanted him to love them. a lot of people point to stan’s decisions in his 20s-30s - his scams, his criminal record, etc - as a manifestation of that desperation (“don’t come back until you’ve made us a fortune” or whatever), which is a point i think is completely valid. to add to that, though, the journals were written around the same time period, and i think ford’s aspirations of becoming a world-renowned scientist are his own version of that. filbrick wanted stan to make money, so that’s what stan wanted, too. filbrick wanted ford to be some super successful science guy (so he could make money), so that’s what ford wanted, too. by the time of the series ford doesn’t really seem to care that much - sure, he wants the kids to like him and whatnot, but that’s normal. outside of that he’s this total hermit who seems pretty content to just hang out in the basement and do his own thing lol

a smaller little note to close this on, a disturbing amount of npd hcs seem to come from people who just ,, don’t like ford. which is fine, you don’t have to like him or anything, but maybe don’t drag an irl condition into it? like i said npd is a lot more complicated than just being mean and thinking ur better than everyone else. its fine if u see those traits in ford, i can’t get inside ur head and rewire ur brain to like him lol, but maybe consider just phrasing it as “he’s mean” instead of “he’s a narcissist”? idk, it just kinda rubs me the wrong way when people like. diagnose him with npd and then use that as their “therefore he is Bad and i Don’t Like Him” point lol

alright that’s it i think drink water or whatever my head hurts and i hate writing outros so i simply Will Not

[jellyshark-png]

MK1xF1 AU – by Shark :3

alright alright it is FINALLY HERE but before we get started in this big ass post, just a few silly disclaimers !!

expect some MAJOR inaccuracies (this is mostly for my diehard f1 fans hello :3),, i am by no means an expert, in fact i got into f1 VERY recently so pls bare with me

lets understand that, from a physique standpoint, tomas and kuai WOULD NOT REALISTICALLY BE IN F1– however we choose to ignore that for the sake of the brainrot teehee

not every character will be included, so pls don't get mad at me if your fav is not in this AU– its a working AU and these are all coming off the top of my head

anyways, enjoy me yapping!

just a few definitions to understand the positions and other terms i'll be using throughout this post :'D

Team Principal – basically owns the team, kind of self explanatory HAHA Race Engineer – these are the people that speak to the drivers while they're racing! now, realistically speaking, every driver gets their own race engineer, but in this case i haven't done that bc,,, well there's only so many characters :') Pit Lead – another self explanatory position, but this is the lead/manager of the pit crew! (is this an actual position ?? idk but we're going with it) Formula Series – so Formula 1 isn't the only race in the series, there's also F2 and F3– these are the races you basically go through before you get into F1! there's other races in the series, but these are the ones i'll focus on. Drive to Survive/DTS – this is a netflix series revolving around F1 and i will say its the most dramatic depiction of the sport + all the fake hate between racers shown ?? and using clips and such out of context ?? yeah you get the picture.

F1 TEAMS

MERCEDES-AMG PETRONAS F1 TEAM

Team Principal : Hanzo Hasashi (i know it says mk1 but shhhh) Race Engineers : Bihan Pit Lead : Syzoth Racers : Kuai Liang and Tomas Vrbada

Mercedes comes up as a long time rival to Oracle Red Bull Racing and Ferrari Scuderia– expecially with such a close bond between the brothers. Bihan started off as the team's strategist before his farther stepped down as race engineer, thus banding the baton to Bihan and making him the youngest race engineer on the grid. Tomas and Kuai are steady but strongly defensive racers, Tomas joining in a bit later in the game starting as a rookie reserve driver for Mercedes in the first half of the previous seasons. Now they fight on together in the world of F1 side by side as a strong unit.

extra! - i remember reading someone's headcanon abt kuai liang being taiwanese,,, so im gonna say bihan and kuai liang are half chinese half taiwanese (chinese dad, taiwanese mom), and so in this case, kuai liang would represent the taiwanese flag while tomas ofc represents the czech republic flag!

FERRARI SCUDERIA F1 TEAM

Team Principal : Jackson "Jax" Briggs Racers : Johnny Cage and Kenshi Takahashi

Before Oracle Red Bull Racing's renaissance in the new generation of F!, Ferrari Scuderia was at the top of their game for years and years. With Johnny and Kenshi being in the sport much longer than the newcomers, it's no denying that they are the winning classics of every race season– many looking forward to their assertion in the races. Johnny drives more aggressively, though with a lighter bounce in his step, a bit of bantering almost while he's racing wheel to wheel. Kenshi, on the other hand, is smooth and sly in the way he overtakes every racer, always sidling just behind a racer's line. Although they've raced for much longer, they still hold true as being one of the big three amongst Mercedes and Red Bull Racing.

extra! - 100000% johnny and kenshi do not work well at first when they become team mates, and people honestly would've preferred them as rivals in opposing teams– but over time they'd put aside their differences and slowly find out that they actually work really well together, despite their opposites in driving style and personality.

ORACLE RED BULL RACING F1 TEAM

Team Principal : Geras Race Engineer : Liu Kang Racers : Raiden and Kung Lao

Oracle Red Bull Racing saw its first golden age with now race engineer Liu Kang, setting the standard for F1 in his time and winning world championship after world championship, dominating each race until his retirement as a racer. Today, Raiden now follows in his footsteps, and alongside him his childhood best friend, Kung Lao. Starting out, they weren't actually in the same team– opting to race against each other in opposing teams to keep their rivalry alive once joining F1. Over time, and after many second driver switches, Kung Lao finally joins Raiden in Oracle Red Bull Racing, making them THE golden boys of this generation's Red Bull racing team– an absolute killer duo to fight against long standing Mercedes and Ferrari.

extra! - irl, red bull is NOTORIOUS for constantly switching out second drivers, and so kung lao would get a lot of flack– and his first year in red bull would not be as great until around the second half of the season :'))

TIMELINE

here, i'll be explaining the timeline of each of the racers' moves throughout the teams– this is going from 2020-2024 (and to preface, whenever i do talk abt mk1xf1 stuff, assume its all taking place in 2024 unless told otherwise). im gonna pray all of this makes sense HAHA

*also there's usually two drivers per team ofc, but i cannot be bothered to do any placeholder drivers for each team, so the second driver can be up to your interpretation!

2020

kuai and kenshi in aston martin (have been since 2019 as well, maybe 2018 i havent fully decided)

johnny has been in RB toro rosso for a year since 2019 (technically speaking its called visa cashapp rb now but like,,,, you guys that name is so awful LMAO)

raiden and tomas enter into their first year in F1 in williams

kung lao enters his first year in haas

TEAMS Aston Martin : kuai liang and kenshi takahashi RB Toro Rosso : johnny cage Haas : kung lao Williams : raiden and tomas vrbada

2021

kuai and kenshi stay in aston martin

johnny stays in toro rosso, and tomas makes the move to toro rosso

raiden moves to mclaren

kung lao stays in haas

TEAMS Aston Martin : kuai liang and kenshi takahashi RB Toro Rosso : johnny cage and tomas vrbada Mclaren : raiden Haas : kung lao

2022

kuai makes the move to oracle red bull racing (BY THIS TIME liu kang is actually still racing, and retires by the end of the 2022 season)

kenshi makes the move to williams, alongside kung lao

tomas and johnny stay in toro rosso

raiden stays in mclaren

TEAMS Oracle RB : kuai liang and liu kang Williams : kenshi takahashi and kung lao RB Toro Rosso : johnny cage and tomas vrbada Mclaren : raiden

2023

raiden moves to oracle RB after liu kang retires, kuai stays in oracle RB

kenshi stays in williams

kung lao moves to RB toro rosso to replace johnny, tomas stays in RB toro rosso

johnny goes to mercedes

TEAMS Oracle RB : kuai liang and raiden RB Toro Rosso : kung lao and tomas vrbada Williams : kenshi takahashi Mercedes : johnny cage

mid 2023 – 2024 (current)

johnny signs into ferrari in the middle of the '23 season

kuai liang signs into mercedes in the middle of the '23 season

kung lao signs into oracle RB, raiden stays in the same team

kenshi then signs into ferrari by the end of the '23 season

tomas signs into mercedes for the '24 season

TEAMS Oracle RB : raiden and kung lao Ferrari Scuderia : johnny cage and kenshi takahashi Mercedes : kuai liang and tomas vrbada

Misc. Stuff :D

this is where it gets super fun bc now i yap EVEN MORE abt the extra shit in this AU

the ages✨ bc i assume everyones curious abt this perhaps HAHA and this is in conjunction with being in the current year 2024 and these are all ranges bc,,,, im indecisive and dont know what age to actually make them

liu kang and geras : late 30s, very early 40s (maybe like,,, 37-41 ??)

hanzo hasashi and jax briggs : early 40s perhaps

kuai liang and johnny cage : late 20s, early 30s (so kuai around 27-29 and johnny 29-32)

kenshi takahashi and bihan : early 30s (maybe a year older than johnny ? like if johnny is perhaps 30 then kenshi would be 31– then bihan is liiike idk 32-33)

kung lao, raiden, and tomas vrbada : early-mid 20s

the rookie trio !!! lets get into it :333

raiden, kung lao, and tomas all entered into F3 around the same time! they moved up in the series and all entered F1 the same time as well (for my F1 fans, think of them as lando, george and alex)

as ages go, raiden is the oldest, then tomas, then kung lao being the youngest of the three :3 and for laughs– tomas 10000% holds it over lao's head that hes older than him (probably only by a few months too HAHA)

this isn't specific to the rookies, but theres a "twitch quartet" (twitch streaming btw) in the irl world of F1 (lando, george, alex and charles), and so in this AU, the twitch quartet would be the rookies + johnny cage bc i think that dynamic is absolutely hilarious HAHA

these three would be considered the new era of F1, whereas kuai, johnny and kenshi are considered the older bunch teehee

liu kang as a racer oooohhhh AUUUUGHFDK

liu kang would've been absolutely ICONIC during his time, think sebastian vettel– that's his kind of notoriety

so when he announced his retirement, it would've absolutely devastated the F1 community, even if you weren't a liu kang or red bull fan, it would still hit you where it hurts

he'd truly set the bar standard for what an F1 driver should be like idc idc

but when he announced his return as a race engineer for the oracle RB team, everyone cheered :3

the controversial era that is 2023-2024 + the hit netflix series Drive to Survive

i know for an absolute FACT that when kuai and tomas signed into mercedes there was a lot and i mean A LOOOOTTT of speculation and hate for them bc of the familial ties

and perhaps a similar issue with johnny joining ferrari bc i headcanon him to have some italian roots (so people would speculate that he had someone in the inside idfk LMAO)

but this would be CAAAANDY for the show Drive to Survive bro it would be HAVOC

speaking of DTS– once kung lao signed into Oracle RB, they 100000% villainized him and even made it seem as though he wanted to take raiden's spotlight as the first driver (which is not the case holy hell HAHA)

but with that, a lot of fans that came from DTS despised kung lao, and probably still do– they just refuse to see that they're literally childhood friends LMAO

some dynamics stuff and jumping between eras and whatnot bro this is getting way too long HAHA

at the beginnings of his F1 career, tomas would be EXTREMELY tense and even tone down his playful personality to come off as more "serious" and professional– but when he joins RB toro rosso with johnny, he aaaaabsolutely helps him out of his shell and proves to him that you don't have to be so serious in the sport. it would just be a lot of pressure on tomas' part to prove himself, esp with being in kuai's shadow :')

and in a similar note, when kung lao joins williams with kenshi, he kinda learns a bit of humility from kenshi and brings down his rowdiness, actually hone it to be a better driver in the long run. AUGHGHKDFJ dude kenshi and johnny as mentors heals my soul idc

kuai and kenshi in aston martin would have been KIIIILLLEERRR they would've put aston martin as actual competitors in the constructor's championship LIIKEKEK so iconic + they'd be the heartbreakers of their time with the two being at their prime and much younger UGH

LAST THING I PROMISE this is just a bunch of extra tidbits if you care to read– and if you've actually made it this far uhhh,,,, congratulations BAHAH

kenshi has sensitive eyes, so he has his helmet visor specifically tinted for that + does wear shades inside and ykw its a godsend the Ferrari is sponsored by Raybans HAHA

to tie to that, johnny just has AT LEAST two extra pairs of glasses on him, and he says its for himself but really its just in case kenshi somehow forgets his own shades somewhere or his own pair broke (ya gotta love them)

raiden and lao's rivalry is IIINNNSSAAANNEEE haters can hate all they want, but their on track fights are so incredible to watch and people think its a miracle that they're still as close as ever

ALSO BRO madam bo would have 10000000% funded their karting career SHES THEIR NUMBER ONE SUPPORTER IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS !!!!!!! she sponsors them too, is always in whatever commercials they do and theyre your typical cheesy but memorable asian commercials

random but with raiden and kung lao both being chinese, they both represent the chinese flag, and so did liu kang !!! you'd catch them all in cantonese– though unfortunately cannot speak much with kuai since he speaks mandarin HAHA

during their time in williams, lao and kenshi definitely taught each other their own language just a bit, but lao definitely learned most of the "bad" words in japanese LMAOF

johnny italian yes (cmon just look at his nose) ??? and he's fluent case closed– but also its funny to see his onboard videos of him gesturing to other drivers when he's angry

bihan has the same notoriety as toto wolff– he's the one mf everyone simps for and ISN'T AN F1 DRIVER

this has already gone for a long time LMAOKSJDFH but if you have any other questions or would like me to make some comparisons of the actual drivers vs. the characters, my ask box is open !!! anyways thank you for reading this LOOOOONNNGGGG post and i hope to make more mk1xf1 content :'))))

[vveakfish]

do you have any thoughts about the core four whose gender(s) are basically just a trans fruit cocktail that you would like to talk about? because I would love to listen

oh boy DO I !!!

I have So Many thoughts about them Anon, so thank you for giving me an excuse to try and put it into words beyond “Damn, these bitches trans! Good for them.”

Honestly, there are so many different ways to explore these characters genders based on how you choose to interpret their life experiences, and their aesthetic changes, and their relationships with each other. I am of the belief that any of them could be trans in any direction

But, that said, I Do have particular gender headcanons for YJ that i am very fond of, so thats what I’ll be talking about today.

(Small disclaimer. I have not finished all of the comics referenced in this. I am using the information i have to inform these, but you know, i might come back to this post at some point in the future and look at it like “wow, i don’t agree with any of this anymore.” And i think thats okay.

I’m just here to have fun, and i thoroughly enjoy these little guys, and think abt them alot, so enjoy

(also if you dont want to read 4.1k words of blorbo gender analysis, or would like to avoid spoilers for Superboy (1993), Young Justice (1998) & (2019), and Red Robin (2009) in varying degrees of detail, or you just want to see what lables i assigned them, scroll down to the bottom <3))

lets get started.

Bart:

Bart's gender is the most complex, but his thought process about it is also the most simple. I think his view of gender would be very much influenced by the fact that he grew up in VR in the future like…

A body is just an avatar, do what ever the fuck you want with it.

That said, the lil guy has always given me transmasc vibes. These vibes, however, are by no means binary.

He understands that in the 21st century a lot of people do not have his sort of “throw things at the wall and see what sticks” approach to gender, so he’s okay with being put in the box of Boy™. But his gender is a lot more * hand waves vaguely *

Clothes don’t have gender in his eyes, they’re fabric you put on your body. Wear what ever you want forever!

Bart in skirts is something i have seen many people draw/talk about before, and its something i agree with wholeheartedly. He likes hair clips, and like, those loud (actually loud and visually loud) beaded bracelet type things that ravers wear. He like nail polish. He doesn’t grow facial hair, but he wouldn’t care if he did. He’s not on hormones, but he definitely considered it for the bit. “Gotta drink my boy juice” Kind of vibes.

For him gender has Nothing to do with performance, its all about comfort. About wearing what feels right, regardless of whether or not he’s adhering to expectations of masculinity.

Yes, he Will wear that god awful outfit out of the house, haters can die mad

Cassie:

Anon, I need you to understand how much i love early yj98 cass. She is everything to me — her process of coming to terms with herself, and being able to watch her start to feel at home in her own skin. It makes me absolutely feral.

lets see if i can explain why… succinctly

When we first meet her in yj98, her identity as “Wonder Girl” is this sort of amalgamation of What it Means To Be A Hero in her eyes. She has her party city blunt bob wig (Because Diana is who she looks up to), the gloves, leather jacket, goggles combo (that so clearly take inspiration from Kon).

At this point in her life Wonder Girl is not really her. Its very clearly a mask she’s putting on. which is what makes it the perfect avenue for her to explore gender expression without it having to actually be about her gender.

I think the part that specifically makes me feral though is her… we’ll call it admiration of Kon.

The girl is a self proclaimed Superboy stan + theres all the weird not-drama between Cassie and Cissie over wanting attention from Kon. (And i say Not Drama bc its like… Kon flirting with cissie (which like… have you met 90’s Kon?? he flirts with everything that moves) and Cassie being upset that he’s Not flirting with her. and cissie is just along for the ride. She’s not quite as much of a flirt as kon is, but she has her moments)

All of this to say i feel like its impossible to have a conversation about Cassie’s gender without also talking about her experiences with comphet and lesbianism.

At the beginning, Cassie sees Kon — this cocksure, conventionally attractive boy with powers that (at first glance) seem very similar to hers, and felt something about it. And, in the way of teen girls who have been told since grade school that they’re supposed to like boys, Cassie comes to the conclusion that what she feels for Kon must be romantic in nature, right?.

All of this, the jealousy over Kon and Cissie flirting, basing her costume off Superboy’s (intentionally or otherwise), the fact that she wont let her team see her without the wig and goggles at all for so much of yj98. To me it all reads as the tangled mix of undiscovered lesbianism and gender dysphoria that the poor girl simply doesn’t have the words to define yet.

So, then what IS cassie’s deal with gender???

i am so very glad you asked.

She, too, is a transmasc of the nonbinary variety.

I think her relationship to femininity is complex, and ever changing. She doesn’t feel comfortable performing femininity the way the world expects her to, but she is also part Amazon. And i think having a relationship with both Diana and Donna would greatly influence how she felt about femininity as a whole.

The Amazons are strong, their femininity isn’t about beauty, or being soft spoken — it isn’t about Men at all. On Themyscira, to be a Woman is about bravery, honor, skill, and in some ways, divinity. Getting closer with her Amazonian sisters would change her relationship to womanhood immensely.

But it still wouldn’t feel Right. She would be able to see that womanhood can be defined differently, but that wouldn’t change the connotations that womanhood had as she was growing up. She’d never be able to lean into it the way Diana or Donna do — they both grew up only having woman defined as strong and brave and confident. Their experiences are not analogous.

The baggage of growing up a girl under the patriarchy wouldn’t just… vanish because she sees that it Doesn’t have to be that way. In some ways, the knowledge that it didn’t have to be that way could make her dysphoria all that stronger (especially if she hasn’t quite deciphered that dysphoria is what she’s feeling).

but i think there would be a point where two things sharpen into focus for her.

fiirstly she has a big fat crush on cissie king-jones.

and second (which would only come AFTER realizing her feelings for cissie) is that what she feels for Kon is Not the same as what she feels for Ciss.

She didn’t want to be with Kon romantically, she just wanted his gender.

I could see her experimenting with wearing a binder, liking that she can get rid of her boobs if she isn’t feeling them that day.

She already has her short hair, and her leather jacket and jeans, and shes big and buff and strong (because she deserves to be butch!!! okay???).

I still think she would use she/her pronouns, but she wouldn’t be picky ab it (if she gets called sir while at the pizza place, she’s not going to correct them.)

But here’s the kicker — I think leaning hard into her masculinity would be EXACTLY what she needs in order to actually ENJOY expressing femininity again.

When putting on the mask that is ‘womanhood’ becomes something that she can Choose to do, rather than something that is being forced on her, it can be pleasant. Like playing dress up.

She has a new appreciation for it, especially since her friends respect her gender, and she knows at the end of the day, when she takes the makeup, the clothes, and the wig off, underneath it all she’s just her.

(Small addendum re: TT’03 Cassie’s fem phase. I have Many thoughts about this as well, and while they end up in roughly the same place, i exploring her experience with comphet and her decision to dress in a more traditionally feminine in that run is something id like to explore in another post (once i’ve actually read the run too.)

Cissie (bonus):

This one should be shorter than Cassies, mainly because my reasoning for it is much simpler.

YJ'98 (#11)

She lists all these names, all of them feminine except for Fucking Ralph. “One weird phase” she calls it.

To me, Cissie is a transgirl through and through. She has this huge list of femme names she tried on while she tried to find the one that fit best. She mentions ralph in this off handed way, as if its not important, and i think thats just her way of dismissing her deadname as something of little consequence.

(that said, i think there’s lots of fun to be had with transmasc cissie, or tried transing-her-gender and realized it wasn’t for her Cissie. But as a transfemme, tgirl cissie is So important to me <3)

Kon:

other people on here have made posts about Kon’s gender that are much more coherent than this will be, but i’m putting the words down anyway. bear with me.

Kon’s experience with identity (especially in his earlier years) is almost entirely about the external rather than the internal.

Kon has his whole life planned out for him from the moment he opens his eyes. It’s simple really — become Superman.

So you have this freshly hatched teenage boy, saving the world as Superman (not the Only one, but definitely the coolest one (Kon would argue)). All eyes on him, all the time. In some ways, performance is inseparable from who he is. From the very beginning, everything he does is on display.

He starts his life with a Name (Superman), a life path (…again, Superman), and all the confidence of a sixteen year old jock with nothing but wins under his belt. then it all gets taken away.

Turns out Clark ISNT dead, and the world doesn’t need its pint sized superman anymore now that its got the real thing.

enter Superboy

Kon’s entire identity, his whole purpose for being alive, was to step into the shoes of a dead man who is no longer dead. So where does that leave our genetically engineered test tube baby?

lost, and extremely confused.

But he’s good at using his charisma as a shield, and even better at keeping himself busy. His problems aren’t there if he doesn’t have the time to think about them, right?

and i think that’s true about his gender as well.

Similar to Cassie, his discovery and exploration of his gender feels incredibly tied to his sexuality (to me). If you’ve read sb93, you know Kon’s deal with women. He is cute & conventionally attractive & he's like superman with a fashion sense, so of course there are people fawning over him.

And he loves the attention. He likes that people want him, or that they are looking at him. The issue is he doesn’t have the life experience to realize that their reasons for paying attention to him are often very shallow, manipulative, or selfish.

He isn’t treated as a person very often. He’s a brand, a product, a tool, a weapon. He’s arm candy, he’s a photo op, he’s a headline, he’s a paycheck. And it takes him a long time to be able to tell the difference between someone Liking Him & someone Using Him.

For the longest Time, Superboy is all he is. He doesn’t have a name outside of that identity (except for the various pet names the women in his life give him (kid & pup, mainly)).

And even when Clark does give him his real name, Kon-El, its still Attatched to his identity as Superboy.

I dont think that he would really even be able to start dissecting how HE feels about his identity until he’s much older.

Part of this would come from the space to be someone else that gaining a civilian identity would give him. As Superboy, the goal has always been to stand out, to be seen, to shine like the sun.

As Conner Kent, he has to blend in. He doesnt want to draw attention to himself, or the Kents, or Clark. He has to fit in, which was never something he had to do as Kon. And i think it would kind of chafe at him — but he wouldn’t really know why.

I think he’d chalk it up to how different of an experience it is. Not being loud, having to be normal™. And so i think he’d just… continue to play the part. For a while anyway.

And like, part of being Normalest Boy Conner Kent would also involve actively un-queer coding himself for the sake of fitting into the ecosystem of Smallville High. and its like…

Young Justice, as a friend group, is SOOO queerplatonic. The lines between romantic and platonic intimacy are so blurred, and Prior to Kon’s YJ days he he was also like… living with these woman who he had complicated relationships with that also blurred the lines between platonic, romantic, and sexual (…looking at you, Knockout).

So learning where the line is when it comes to how he can acceptably interact with his civilian friends (particularly the boys) would Really open his eyes to just how close he is with Bart and Tim, and how similar his feelings for them are to his feelings for… lets say, Simon Valentine.

But i dont think That is what would actually tip the scale. I think realizing that these feelings for his friends aren’t considered ‘normal’ would make him shove them down deeper. As ‘Conner’ anyway.

from here it could go two ways, right?

Either we get Teen Titans ‘03 t-shirt Kon, who sheds his GNC 90s swag in exchange for adhering closer to traditional (read; boring) masculine gender roles.

or we get a Kon who leans Harder into his punk roots, but its a conscious choice now.

(this isn’t even digging into how he would feel once Jon comes into the picture, because while Kon cares for that boy Deeply, his feelings abt the new kiddo in the family could also be very complicated. But that’s a post for another time.)

Personally i prefer the second one.

Kon has always been a curious kid, i love the way he makes pop culture references, and how he bases his behavior off of 90’s teen tropes that he Most Definitely learned from TV. In his early days this wasn’t done in a research way necessarily, but he Did want to learn what it was like to Be a Teen™, and TV was the easiest way to figure that out.

(and, playing in the space of Kon adaptations, his love of media/pop culture, and just over all thirst for knowledge, are present both in the Reign of the Supermen Movie, and in his iteration during the n52 (which is one of the few things i personally have internalized from reading n52 Superboy/Teen Titans)).

But post gay awakening, i feel liked he’d be interested not just in behaviors, but also the context of them. Digging into punk as a subculture rather than as an aesthetic. Learning about its connections to queerness, and community, and self expression. And i think this would be extremely freeing for him. (especially if this were around the time of Jon becoming Superboy v.3, but again, not the point of this post.)

this all culminates in Kon being like yk? gender just… isnt for me. Like, it takes im a long time to get to this point, but realizing that the path that was set out for him is just one of the potential paths he can take, and while he might not know where this new path will take him, its his, that that matters.

And also like, Because his friends are who they are, he’s seen different versions of queerness, and transness, but i think it would take him a bit to see himself as someone who Isn’t Cis bc like… he doesnt have dysphoria in the traditional sense.

He’s still the beefcake he’s always been, but i think he’d start playing with makeup when he realizes it makes him feel good (he shows up the the cave one day with smudgy eye liner and Cissie is immediately like a) you look so good and b) can i Please do your makeup? (and then she does it, and he looks so pretty, and he gets these weird giddy feelings that he doesn’t realize is gender euphoria until his friends start talking abt gender euphoria)

His uniform starts to get more personalized too, like the designs where he has knee patches, and all his little belts, and stuff. maybe he starts experimenting with showing skin. bc he deserves it

(’its for maximum sun exposure!!!’ is the what he tells clark… he’s not sure if clark bought it or not)

And hey, exploring gender presentation more as Superboy might help him do the same as Conner. Cassie will take him thrifting, he’ll try of a flowy skirt or a sun dress or something and then its Over. Gender euphoria part two, electric boogagloo.

In the end, its about realizing that adhering gender roles (and truthfully, any socially imposed ‘rule’ about self expression) is something he can simply Choose not to do. And i think this freedom would be something that benefits him in his civilian life as well.

His gender is: literally what ever, man.

Tim:

Ok, here’s the thing about Tim and gender, right? I think he’s kind of just comfortable as he is. He’s good at playing the roles he needs to in what ever situation hes thrown into. ‘Robin’ and ‘Tim Drake’ (and even ‘Tim Drake-Wayne’ if you want to split hairs) might be masks he wears, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less him. if that makes sense. like…

Lets look at the differences between Bruce (or Brucie) and Batman for a second. They really are different people. Batman is who bruce is at his core, ‘bruce’ is this sort of liminal space between the cowl and his public persona, and then theres Brucie™, and well, you know how he is. These are personas that Bruce puts on.

With Tim its like he just highlights different aspects of himself when a situation requires it. (oh no, the autistic!Tim head canons are being loud today.) But like, he’s Always been masking. And i think this is something he would look at as like… getting a good grade in adapting. or something. He’s comfortable, all the roles he plays are ones he’s familiar with, and he doesn’t really question who he is outside of who he needs to be.

That is, until Caroline Hill makes an appearance.

I feel that the decision to go undercover as a woman was a wholly practical decision in the moment. It’s what the mission required, and therefore tim stepped up. Its just another mask, right? Surely this wont awaken anything in him…right?

But this is an entirely new mask. And i think it might like… shift the way he looks at/thinks about the other masks he puts on. He was able to step into a role that was very foreign to him, and it Worked. (and he felt pretty, which like… woah, thats a new feeling. and he kinda liked it? file that under ‘thoughts he doesn’t have the bandwidth to process right now.’ Bruce needs him back at the cave! its time to debreif! and he has a biology test tmrw! no time for gender scaries!!!).

I think it would take a while for him to be able to admit it to himself though. Because like… hes Not uncomfortable with his body, but he also keeps thinking about how good he felt dressed up femininely, and how he felt powerful, in a way. That putting on that mask felt just as good as putting on his domino.

Personally, i think itd be funny if instead of coming out right away, Tim doing undercover missions essentially in drag becomes a recurring thing. And i imagine some people give him a hard time. (not in a transphobic way or anything, i just mean like, teasing him fondly or what ever.) (Also, i like to imagine that when cissie Did kons makeup, bart and Tim jumped in there too bc like hey why not, and hoooooo boy, if Tims egg hadn’t cracked before then, it sure would have cracked after.)

The thing about him is, i’m not sure if he’d come to the realization himself. You know, that he would like to present femme sometimes, in a situation that has Nothing to do with a mission.

I could see Tim convincing himself that its a pointless or frivolous desire, which is Why he relegates his time presenting femme to when he can prove that it’s useful.

but i have this image in my mind, right? Of him, taking his makeup and wig off, and hes chatting with whoever is in the room with him (literally anyone else mentioned above… or Dick). And Tim’s just talking about how he wishes he could present this way in situations other than missions.

and the other person in the room is just like… i mean, you literally can.

and hes just like…. shit you’re right. i Can :0

I could probably go further into depth abt this, but i think this just frees him to start playing with gender more as Tim. and start to recognize when he’s feeling more masculine, more feminine, or somewhere in between.

His gender isn’t consistent, its this thing he’s constantly listening to, and trying to understand. but in the mean time, he can paint his face, and wear pretty clothes, or dress like just Some Guy, or be a hedgehog dressed in traffic light colors, or what ever his heart desires.

As far as like… how He describes his gender, i think he’d say something corny like bi^2 (bi of both the sexual and the gendered varieties). Or shrug, handwave, generally give a non-helpful vague description. Or tell who evers asking to buzz off.

(small addendum wrt Kon and Cassie in TT’03. I haven’t read this run yet, so i didn’t really include it in this post. But i Do have thoughts about what might cause the two of them (my gnc besties from my comics books) to lean sooooo hard into traditional gender roles after being So Queercoded in their other appearences. Before i talk abt that though, i want to read the comic. So, that will have to be a post for another time)

ANYWAY, heres that TL;DR i promised.

Bart: NB Transmasc Cassie: NB Lesbian (of the transmasc variety) Kon: Agender Tim: Fluid (bi-gender) + Cissie: Transgirl

Thank you soooooo much for giving me the opporrtunity to ramble abt the silles and how Not Cis i think they are. Love you forever.

[robovictim]

what are the two screenshots?

ohhh boy here we go :3 more than 2 screenshots but i counted them as "2" because it was primarily 2 situations i actually had that proof of. but its actually 3 now, lucky me.!!! under cut bc im putting this in the tags n its a long post :3

first thing i have proof of was these convos w lawrie after i had left their group bc they kept harrassing + being generally weird towards me. theres more in between but it was all comforting each other and apologising to each other.

these were just weird almost (?) harrassment-y responses to a dumb google form we made for them to, admittedly, kind of pick on them.. because they were being weird and continuously asking to cross our strict boundaries abt seeing my face etc ! i am not proud of the fact i MADE this form to begin with and i def wouldnt have if i didnt have a huge confidence boost bc i was on call w lawrie making fun of them for being assholes at that time.. but still , these answers are reaally weird even without context! esp the "i promised to be nice until you got mad thing", bc yeah yaoyao did promise to be nice to me, that doesnt change that her bf got pissed at me for rightfully calling them both out on something weird and controlling towards lawrie and she completely changed her mind abt "being nice" once i fought back. the other 2 responses are just them trolling and saying "statement" over and over bc after one or two of their answers i edited it to have a kind of mean disclaimer at the top going "this is for QUESTIONS, NOT statements!"

this is my very new THIRD situation !! im counting it as them because who else would this be. making fun of me for my looks when i know damnnn well that VERY few people have seen our face, including my two partners, close friends, and wilbur and his gang (against my will!). soo its kind of obvious to assume this is wilbur or someone in her group.

anon, youre probably wilbur or in his group too! considering this, the last two mean asks i got, AND those two new asks calling me ugly are in the same writing style that is consistent with you all and your general behaviour ! im aware you COULD be a new anon thats simply a concerned bystander, but given your guyses track record(s), i just dont believe that lalala

[deadchovsky]

okay, im going to rant about soldier, poet, king because PEOPLE ARE STILL MISINTERPRETING IT and im mad about it.

Obligatory disclaimer: Mentions of Christianity, obviously. Also, I myself am not a Christian. However, I REALLY like the Oh Hellos. If you couldn't tell.

Soldier, Poet, King is the tenth song of the Dear Wormwood album by The Oh Hellos. Dear Wormwood is heavily inspired by CS Lewis (hence the title, which comes from the Screwtape Letters.) The story of the album is about an abusive relationship, which uses aspects of their inspirations as metaphors for the overarching narrative.

(from their website)

Soldier, Poet, King has aspects that are clearly drawn from the bible, yes. We all know this. Everyone who has ever done a surface level search of the lyrics on Genius can tell you this. Congrats, you know a basic aspect of The Oh Hellos.

However, if you leave it at that, you are just ignoring the literal message of the song. Aside from the people everyone and their mother complains about ("omg i can't believe this is abt jesus :(( i can't use this song for my blorbos anymore :((("), there's also a really annoying subsection of people who are like this:

THEY DIDN'T DO THIS. Let me break down the soldier verse for you because this is making me so mad.

There will come a soldier

Who carries a mighty sword

He will tear your city down, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord

He will tear your city down, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

Crazy how this tiny ass verse got misinterpreted that badly, btw. Anyways. This verse has direct references that come from THE BIBLE.

Revelations 1:16- "In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and this face was like the sun shining in full strength."

Revelations 19:15- "From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty."

Because of these, I'D ARGUE THAT JESUS IS MENTIONED TO HAVE A SWORD MULTIPLE TIMES, ACTUALLY. Given, it's metaphorical most of the time, but come on now. Also, it's not saying he's a literal soldier in the lyrics. I'd argue that it's more meant to imply a reform, especially consider the next verse is:

There will come a poet

Whose weapon is His word

He will slay you with His tongue, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord

He will slay you with His tongue, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

If his weapon is his word, does this not imply that the sword from the previous verse is metaphorical? If he's slaying with his tongue, doesn't that mean that he's "tearing your city down" with his fucking words? If we're to say that this song is about a singular person, which it is (it's using jesus as an analogy for the protagonist), then these lyrics have overlap, and his SWORD is his WORDS. NOT A LITERAL SWORD.

Anyways, rant concluded.

TLDR; Jesus is an analogy for the protagonist of the Dear Wormwood album, the "sword" referenced in the first verse and his "word" referenced in the second verse are the same thing, which has biblical basis, especially in Revelations.

[laveries]

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[idcpxseur]

disclaimer: i have no genuine hatred/contempt for jess or jason! i am just very, very angry!

i hate how every guy in mystreet is obsessed with aphmau. like it pisses me off SO much. like okay. i get garroth, laurence, and aaron because you know THEY WERE HER LOVE INTERESTS IN MCD but dante??? travis???? brendan (for the literal slightest bit that he was here)??? three people who did not show any romantic interest her besides small (insignificant) crushes, that didnt go beyond playful flirtation and/or quick things that dont go deeper beyond surface level.

and i know mystreet was written in tandem with pdh but it doesnt make sense that they would include a wholesome friendship with travis and aphmau and then turn around and have them turn around to be strangers and travis flirting with her because he has an interest to her (but does... but does he actually??? or does he just like her because shes pretty like???)

thats why i like zanemau (as i will ramble abt in another post) so much because i was rooting so HARD for zane because he does flirt with her occasionally but its always backed up with a joke and he never showed any romantic interest for her. HE BECAME HER FRIEND FIRST. HE BECAME HER FRIEND FIRST. HE BECAME HER. FRIEND. FIRST.

and ofc im going to have the whole group genuinely become friends first but in mystreet it PISSES me off

and on top of that, they treat her like a prize to be won. which makes me mad because their mcd counterparts would. NEVER.

ive never talked about it here but all of the guys (excluding zane and vylad) took the biggest brunt of the character assassination tirade that jason (jason. not jess. jason. i have a firm belief that jason was a bigger contributor to mystreet than jess) went on to reduce all of the characters to cheap knockoffs and unfunny flat, static characters. while their mcd characterizations werent perfect, theyre LEAPS and BOUNDS better than their mystreet variations

and you want to know why? because they probably sat there and looked at the original version of mystreet (and mcd season 2) and said "damn, aaron is a fucking boring character" because he IS. compared to the vast majority of the characters in mystreet and mcd, aaron is largely uninteresting! in mystreet he has no real motivations. no drive, no friends, no job (that we hear about) and we never see aaron and aphmau hang out UNLESS its a scene where garroth and laurence over-fucking-react to aphmau having friends (oh god forbid the woman have male friends!) and sure he has the ultima thing going for him but we never even start hearing about that until mystreet season 3 (and pdh season 2)

and in mcd hes even worse! hes just some (probably musty) dude who came out of nowhere and saved aphmau from werewolves and has a vendetta against zane (surprise surprise, look around fucko! you arent alone, the entirety of rua'an has an axe to grind against the fucker!! get in fucking line!!). hes even LESS interesting than mcd aaron because he legit has NOTHING GOING FOR HIM. he never even made conversation with aphmau unless she was being a damsel or they were alone!!

you know doki doki literature club? when monika starts fucking around with the character files and pumped all of the girl's worst, most undesirable traits to max to make herself appear more likeable to the mc? i imagine that was jason's idea to make the boys look terrible and aaron look like a hero.

also side note: the fact that jason looks nothing like aaron weirds me the fuck out. like aphmau is obviously jess' self insert with similar hair, skin, and eye color but aaron looks nothing like jason aside the color of their fucking eyes. wack.

anyway thats it. sorry its taking me so long to update any of this, ive been trying to you know do this whole "self care" shit. its been working really well but ive been spending less time online as a result! but im working on my notes and im trying to figure out how i want to write this out! i dont have the time to write a comic book but i was thinking about writing and posting it on ao3!!! what do you think?

anyway, thats all for now. toodles!

[bfdifan26]

everything i have to say abt every burner character, my interpretations of every one as of rn because i quite literally cant wait for episode 3 so i need to distract myself. disclaimer of sorts, if you couldn’t tell, i see these guys as way more human than probably intended. like i feel as close to them as you would with say your childhood neighbours (DISCLAIMRR i was actually going to do all of them but i ended up not feeling like it. i overestimated myself for once with burner isn’t that crazy. i hope what i ended up writing is good)

-roomy

roomy to me is one of the coolest types of characters like ever. shes been completely isolated for her whole life apart from daddy long legs being close with her, and she seems to be very desperate to please people and to just do whatever is “nice”. she doesn’t necessarily want or dream of anything because she hasn’t seen anything to want. episode 2 was the first exposure to the real world she’d ever gotten. also she really likes kit and spraypaint and was referring to them when she said “all for you two to explore”

-daddy long legs

despite him being the host, i dont actually think he’s the one behind burner. i don’t think he’s the one who teleported them in. and he definitely wasn’t born in the realm! he used to have a normal life in the real world until, thanks to the same being that teleported the contestants, he got sent to the realm without warning one day, and he has been instructed to do the same to other people and make them compete against eachother, for a reason which i havent exactly gotten figured out in my head yet, and hey, maybe he isn’t entirely sure either. anyway personality wise, i think his shyness and how he gets talked over indicates that during his time in the real world, he was seen as the quiet kid, and was shunned whenever he’d try to join in a conversation, and when he got teleported this of course stayed with him, although because of the burner contestants this will slowly begin to fade the more time he spends around them. also yes i do think our cast are the first people this is happening to

-erasey

i love erasey and i am so crazy excited to see what’s going on with them as the series progresses. they used to be completely different as a person, sort of like limey or pilly. they were sent to the realm for a few minutes when they were a kid, even way before daddy long legs was, and from that point dedicated their life to figuring it out. however, during a sort of experiment of theirs that went wrong, they lost an eye and left arm, and were sort of broken by that, it was realised they’d bit off more than they could chew. that was when they became the erasey we know now, laid back and apathetic about most things. not hanger though. erasey loves hanger the way a mad scientist loves their lab rat, but in this case in the non fucked up Im Going To Torture You For Results way. lol

-playdoh

ah playdoh my least favourite one but really that doesn’t mean too much considering i love them all so dearly so i honestly love him too. he has no like psychological reason to be the way he is he’s just. a bitch. like that’s it. he expects everything from everyone around him and for him to do nothing in return for that to be deserved. the realm is his first experience where that is not the case and people are actually opposing him, hence why he’s the most hostile towards rosey and hanger. i like to think hes gonna be changed by the end of the show.

-spraypaint

although i do really like her i dont have much to say except her personality and whole demeanour interests me and i feel like she kinda grew up having to be this dangerous confident figure to even stay afloat for her family n stuff. i do not like the fact that her knife potentially is just laying around on the floor somewhere still

-tissues

oh my goodness this guy. he is my 2nd favourite! i say this about every character but i mean it the most with him when i say i am super excited to see what their whole deal is and what the extent of his powers are and why they seem to know way more than he lets on. i also just really like his personality lol. one of my favourite moments in the show so far is when record said she was warming up for the challenge and tissues thought she meant literally warming up and got all worried that she was sick. them and record remind me of simon and marcy for literally no valid reason

[a-not-so-beginner-witch]

this is just a dump of things and feelings abt my path recently, i just need to vent somewhere

it's probably going to be a long post, so feel free to just ignore it

well i recently had a heart to heart with my dieties, and with myself honestly, about my path in general. The issue at hand was something i've been struggling for some time now, maybe months. Was I doing the right things? Were the things i was doing, enough?

I was under the illusion that they never were right, that the gods were always mad, and that lead to a lot of questioning. Why wasn't I comfortable in my practice? Why was it such a anxiety inducing thing, when some years ago, it wasn't? I was so comfortable and progressed so much back then comparing to my now stagnant self. What had changed? It all felt too performative, it felt that i was making things out of fear that the gods were mad, instead of making because i felt embraced by it and it soothed my soul.

I was so plagued by these thoughts, i started feeling like a huge fraud, so much thati considered going back to my old faith, catholicism, because it was something easy and familiar (growing up catholic in a mostly catholic country), and it felt as if it was being shoved in my face a lot due to various factors and coincidences that were happening throughout this turmoil. I started thinking that everything was a sign that i should go back, everything everywhere was just shoving it in my face and i got to this sort of viscious cycle where i couldn't not see it, couldn't not think about it.

I felt bad for thinking of going back, i'd been through so much in my witchcraft path, just to go back as some kicked puppy? To deny every single prayer, meditation, spell, dream, and go back to the religion that didn't resonate with me anymore? It has been almost 10 years since i began slowly treading my path, why was i going to give it all up?

It was all just so confusing and i felt such despair, because i had no one to talk about all of this and actually understand what i was going through.

I started this heart to heart with myself on a 10 hour trip to see my bf and had to tell myself that it was ok to admit some things and ask questions, that i wasn't going to be "punished" by that. When did i begin to think that it wasn't ok to ask questions? Witchcraft is about questions. It's about questiong everything, the world around you, the way you think and percieve yourself and others, why plant A and not plant B.

And i had forgotten that.

When i established things on my craft, i set them so hard in stone that i thought that i HAD to do and couldn't change it or stop doing it altogether. Witchcraft is also about change. Change up things that don't work anymore, reinvent yourself and make it work in a way that's plesurable.

And i let these things sort of marinate on my consciouness for a while, and trying to learn to be honest with myself about everything.

And couple of days ago, an old friend asked me to read tarot for her. She was with me when i first began reading and saw my growth and how, on her words "the universe whispered in my ear". But at that point i hadn't really read anything to anyone in a loooong time, and honestly doubted myself a lot. But i gave it a try, with a small disclaimer that i was a little out of practice.

I also picked some runes to read together, a thing that i've never done before but just felt like i should, and read it all, giving context, saying everything with confidence, despite all my inner doubts.

The way i felt was peacefull. It made sense. Everything did. And it was as if i got reminded of why i chose this path. It was a big sense of home, or speaking a language you thought you had forgotten. It put my mind at ease. I still had it in me. And upon that feeling, it felt like that homely feeling washed away a lot of the doubts and their urgency.

Although i still have doubts, they are less pressing. I am more comfortable to face them, comprehend, and ask the questions i need.

For now, i'm reevaluating what i want for me. I'm not pressuring myself to do anything i don't feel like, and just kinda... be. For a little while, i guess. Getting rid of that pressure and anxiety and making honest questions, critics and go through a lot of what i learned so far, seeing what makes sense, what i want to do, and where i shoud improve. One could say i'm almost Marie Kondo'ing my practice. And that's ok.

I'm trying to find that homely feeling, the spark. I have displaced it somewhere, but i'll find it eventually. No need to rush.

[nano-blob]

augh ok ok hold on i need to propaganda between two worlds for a moment i am SO NORMAL. fly octo fly rlly slaps hard i cannot deny that but sorry... i did not stop thinking about between two worlds for like. two weeks straight. it's the most haunting thing i've heard in q a while and it conveys emotions and its story so vividly. it's. hhhhh

disclaimer i have not beat kromer bc i keep dying on the second floor of the dungeon so this will primarily be abt how banger the song itself is rather than story significance but shhhhhhh

i'm a chronic choir kid first and foremost so mili acapella songs alw make me ascend beyond the astral plane. also the way that world of light is so calm and peaceful and has lyrics and harmonies that are so reminiscent of traditional christmas hymns, especially with the way n corp's inquisition incorporates a grotesque mockery of christmas traditions like the murder tree where they hang all the "heretics" they've tortured/killed. kromer's "merry christmas!" over the speakers. it hits so so hard when you think about the implications. it's awful. it's incredible.

and now onto the transition that drastically and irreversibly altered my brain chemistry!

firstly when you hear other instruments slowly slipping into an, up till this point, predominantly choral song, you KNOW shit's about to go down and ohoho did mili not disappoint. the last bit of the angelic choir fading away with "maybe that was when i chose to stay fallen" and being replaced by the quiet murmurs of chanting and fragments that grow faster and more and more fanatic and frantic as the song continues. when i tell you the transition sent chills down my spine i actually mean mili grabbed me and forcibly shoved me into an industrial grade freezer. i spent the rest of the song literally sitting there with my mouth open until someone asked me if i was okay that's how chilling it is. also the way the parts repeat and overlap and bleed into each other in this section pings my brain in a way that makes me want to shove this song into my mouth and chew it until it permanently engraves itself into my bones. when mili said control control control release control betray control let go REAL. even without having played the final boss this song drips with a sense of madness and fixation and being shattered into something inhuman by that. god i love mili.

oops that got long. um. thank you for reading my incoherent ramblings. vote for between two worlds today

fly octo fly/ebb and flow | between two worlds

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

the vlogs been out for over 5 hrs am I allowed to be mad abt it now

[lavellander]

their initial reunion wouldve been very emotional and then 5min later theyd go back to being like this (bonus under the cut)