#disclaimer here that I am someone who feels strongly about some things in ways that are personal

[allthoseotherworlds]

I feel like I see a lot of people being kind of mean about how other people relate to stories, so just to be clear:

1. It is not morally wrong to enjoy stories or characters that depict bad things. Liking a bad thing in stories is not the same as liking it in real life.

2. It is not morally wrong to enjoy stories or characters that depict bad things, and to not be particularly interested in discussing the bad things because you like other aspects more. You don't have to talk about the bad things the characters/story has to prove that you know they're bad.

3. It is not morally wrong to prefer stories or characters that do not include certain things that make you uncomfortable. Blacklisting content and looking up trigger warnings is not a sign that someone is weak or immature.

4. It is not morally wrong to like a story or character and to be uncomfortable with certain criticisms or types of discussion about that story or character. Blacklisting certain types of discussions because you don't want to see them is not hurting anybody and does not imply anything about how you treat real people.

5. Seeing stories or characters as entirely fictional is not morally wrong. They're characters and stories and were created by people and can be played around with by people. Writing or thinking about bad things happening to fictional characters is not hurting anybody.

6. Seeing stories or characters as real in some way is not morally wrong. People who find fiction important in ways that feel deeply personal are not hurting anybody by feeling that way and do not deserve mockery for it.

The only things that do have moral relevance are how you treat actual, real people:

Don't harass other people for how they feel about fiction, one way or another. Don't harass or mock people for saying bad things about your favorite character or for liking characters or stories you think are immoral. Don't harass or mock people for thinking of fictional characters as being their friends or for needing to blacklist things sometimes or step away from certain discussions.

No fandom space is going to meet everybody's needs or preferences, but people having those needs or preferences is not morally wrong. It also doesn't inherently say anything about how that person acts or feels in the rest of their life.

So if you're going to mock someone for how they are acting in a fandom space, I think it's better to focus on the thing they're actually doing that's immoral, not the internal feelings they may or may not have.

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

[mecachrome]

extremely 👀👀 about this kind/nice spectrum u brought up and how alex oscar lando and anyone else on the grid are placed on the grid..... would love to know more.........

hi there!!! :D omg yes i would love to talk more about this, though of course disclaimer that these are my Personal Interpretations and i love to spout nonsense on the internet LOL. i'll just expand on oscar + lando + alex some more since frankly i don't know all the other driver lore Like That and i don't want to overstep in my analysis! also i'm deathly afraid of chirlies. ok let's move on

to start off... i think the way we talk about celebrity personas obviously requires some generalization + projection since we can only extrapolate what is already being consciously disseminated, and so although i frequently talk about the kind/nice dichotomy or someone's capacity for sympathy vs. empathy (which is kind of a parallel assessment imo) we are of course all complex people who contain multitudes, and i think it's mostly just interesting to examine strictly in the context of racing & racing mentality... if that makes sense!

also wrt landoscar's personalities → one thing i feel very, VERY strongly about despite their differing surface-level interests and social profiles (read: different flavors of off-track sports, both of them being gamers but to diverging levels of visibility, lando's higher degrees of hyperfixation, etc.) is that at their baseline they are extremely similar people, and honestly even very similar drivers and racing "characters," which ultimately kind of colors most of my analysis. if we peel back the layers then oscar and lando are both functional introverts who've been very well-nurtured by similarly robust, persisting, and loyal support systems—oscar spending 99% of his time off-track with his longtime gf, lando's best mates all being from his karting days, their dads being equally objective about yet also supportive of their careers, jon having trained lando since he was like 5 feet tall, etc.—so to me the overarching difference is that they have diametric approaches to how they externalize their convictions, and then obviously since that's what we see/hear day in & day out it generates the existing rift between their media images. per lando on btg: 

"Oscar is extremely down to earth. A bit like me, just a very normal guy who's in Formula 1, just a guy that loves to drive cars and compete against people, and that's it."

(incoming egregious amounts of lando psychoanalysis...) despite oscar being the only driver i truly rep, i've always found lando's psyche soooo fascinating because he invites such extreme emotion in people (be it positive or negative), and i think part of it does go back to the idea of being nice vs. kind and ultimately the lens through which his intentions are interpreted by other people. in real-people fandom this is always interesting since it ends up becoming an unconscious exercise in how we perceive "sincerity" in others, even though the underlying paradoxical truth is obviously that any such assessment must always be dispersed and consolidated via a parasocial system (and thus everything is held relative to our own individual value systems... This is totally not the point of the ask. SORRY FOR THE MILLION TANGENTS) anyway as an extremely disillusioned sports fan i actually have a lot of time for lando despite how much visceral judgment he generates in quite a few people, which is totally fair since everyone is fully privy to feeling however they want to feel about any celebrity and i am not here to convince them otherwise lol. but that's just me!

i think to me the thing about lando is that there is almost zero pretense to his character, which some dislike because they find his bluntness off-putting, but imo just means his intentions are generally straightforward and easily digestible. sure, he lacks the spoken filter to not come off as occasionally callous, but at the end of the day i genuinely believe that he's an inherently thoughtful (and "kind") person, especially within the insular system of professional motorsport and the many mental pitfalls that accompany it. a symptom of this is how willing he is to resist more gracious media responses and how very inwardly critical he can be in specifically self-motivating ways, the latter of which sometimes gets misinterpreted due to the rigid yet overwhelmingly popular framework of what constitutes a competitive racing mentality. but like... to Me, lando is just entirely what you see is what you get, bad parts included, and he has zero intention of making excuses for that or pretending to be anything otherwise. which i enjoy!

and which again also goes back to the idea of niceness. (honestly the tl;dr for most of lando's pr scandals is just Oh okay so it's illegal to be neurodivergent now? but i'm trying to be normal so let me not just say that.) a good example is the entire debacle of saying he felt no sympathy for daniel at mclaren in 2022, because i think it elucidates a sort of kindness in objectivity that he very plainly participates in—to lando, being a top-performing athlete means never searching for excuses to soften the brunt of one's failures, himself included, and equally that there is no point playing sorry in front of journalists or trying to reshape their narrative scrutiny since at the highest level of competition any bold-faced externalization of "sympathy" is really just pity. and what point is there in telling someone else that you Feel Bad for their skill issue/struggles when the moment you extend that sentiment you essentially debase their position as a direct competitor and therefore disrespect them even more?

"I want to be the best in the world, I want to prove myself to people. But I've never had the mentality or the confidence to say that or feel like I need to do anything more than normal to show it to people. Do I have to do anything to go over the top and show that to prove it? I don't think so. People say you've got to be brutal and you've got to have this certain mentality. But I just don't think it's true at all. I think you’ve just got to get in the car and do the best you can."

i think the Separation of Church (treating everyone exactly as they are on-track, just another car to size up or keep at bay) and State (being friendly, supportive, and altogether well-regarded by other drivers off-track) is a primary tenet of lando's personality, and it's something he achieves by valuing kindness over niceness. you know the lando/maxf quadrant interview where lando is like: i'm not friends with you because of your achievements in life... i just care about your personality! and he's mainly saying it to take the piss out of him but he also 100% does mean that shit. that's the crasyinsane part about lando to me... god i'm so sorry i need to not go on for a million years but PERSONALLY, i think lando is very much the type of person who can go through an experience, or otherwise see someone close to him go through an experience, and approach it very empathetically to the point he continues carrying on this internal conviction about it even when he's survived or grown past it. like even as someone who mostly believes in Death to Relatable Marketing, i find it really interesting when lando talks about mental health in sports because we get to see both a) the fact that he's grown so much in his own mental resilience from his rookie self in 2019 to who he is now, but also b) that he continues to believe strongly in rejecting the presumed archetype of a successful formula 1 driver, and is steadfast in surfacing that even though... honestly? lando nowadays is a very consistent, well-rounded, and efficient talent who frankly doesn't experience nearly as much of the unproductive mentally-spiraling self-criticism that used to impact his performances to a far more pronounced degree when he was younger and rough around the edges. yet he still feels compelled to affirm that there is No One way to be an athlete (which is significant because "mentality" is such a harped-on concept in all sports, and everyone is always trying unfailingly to extrapolate performance-related projections via vague and completely subjective intangibles to a notably unempirical degree!!) because he does care, deeply, about how people enter and succeed in motorsport. honestly i always feel kind of iffy bringing up commentary re: Women In Motorsport because it often sounds unnecessarily adulatory, but at least in recent times i think he's also shown a decent amount of grace when talking about female fans, girls in karting, that one time he was like Bruh who are you? @ that misogynistic reporter, which...... i'm not going to say majorly influences my opinion of him, but imo being willing to quickly shut someone down like that is an anti-niceness to a productive end that i appreciate, since i think many personalities would kind of just smile bemusedly and try to quickly move on in the conversation.

tl;dr lando thinks feeling bad for people is useless and will never give you that one tidy sympathetic soundbite, but he does care for people vividly, especially off-track, which to him is the only place kindness really matters anyway. when you look at maxf (and i know this is mainly a portrait of codependency unique to their friendship but i do think it reflects his love languages in general) whose career cratered because he mentally couldn't handle the pressure, lando's response was literally to unfailingly engage in failcore househusband chores for him like leaving handwritten notes in his 3rd grade girl handwriting and ironing his clothes on stream........ which... i could go on forever but again. separation of church and state!!!

anyway with oscar on the other hand, i honestly think most things in his life kind of just exist as a function of motorsport LOL. and that he likes surrounding himself with people of similar interests/intellectual level/skillsets, down to his partner studying engineering and wanting to work in the same industry as him....... again, i think 814's baseline characters are Very similar and that they're both great team players with complementary professional approaches, so this is not a knock on either of their personalities, but imo lando is just generally more outwardly sentimental and has also had to do a lot of conscious growing up in the past ~4 years to become more well-rounded wrt off-track interests, whereas oscar basically came onto the grid as this already fully-realized product with far fewer dependencies who is just nonchalantly like, I see my family 3 weeks a year and my sisters just think i'm their lame older brother and don't care about my career at all, but i'm fine with that and i'd make all the same sacrifices i've made over and over again to get where i am!!! also re: oscar's abject lack of interest in engaging with fans one-on-one, an easy example is how lando genuinely values/treasures the friendship bracelets he gets and wears them consistently whereas oscar is just like. Erm. i respect it but that is not for me ✋😭 he's nice about fan things because he understands how much fan support and consumerist interest enable the circus that is formula 1 but he doesn't really value any of it much past the surface-level pleasantries......

why is this answer so long............... idk if you want to hear anything more about alex but i think he's very similar to oscar in terms of this measured external niceness/quiet ruthlessness, especially wrt how they weather team politics, interact with media (noted red bull marketing hater alex albon), and tend to simply Do The Thing To Do The Thing. alex is especially interesting because if you watch his high performance pod it reveals sooooo much of his growth over the years and his current mental framework ("i was having to be selfless, and it didn't really agree with me that much") and frankly even just the way he speaks about himself is fascinating to me but i digress!!! i do think much of lando's tactless impulse yet also apparent kindness comes from his considerably privileged background and the fact that he was shown a lot of Realistic But Also Unconditional Support and thus never had his career actively threatened growing up. so even though he's had to learn to not mentally catastrophize at the f1 level, he didn't undergo the reckoning alex did with his mother/losing rb's team backing/etc., which alex mentions in this podcast as specifically triggering his insatiable desperation to prove himself.......... and so on. alex and oscar to me are both quite similar in how they let more combative thoughts simmer and are very well-trained in responding palatably to the media, but they're also going to resist relating themselves too much to other people's struggles because That Is Not Their Problem, and at the end of the day oscar is uh.... sure he has a lot of appreciation for mclaren and has called prema a family before, but he really only wants to win for himself and is less inclined than lando is to romanticize the spirit of the Team. and so when he says things like "for me, there’s just not any point, especially in self-deprecation, destroying yourself in front of the media," it's a Niceness because his assessments are always entirely self-absorbed in the most productive of senses, as in he truly only cares about what he himself is doing and is never going to waste time worrying about or comparing himself to his competitors' mental approaches!

does any of this make sense. please excuse the monstrous rambling 😭 but also please feel free to follow up with your own takes/lore about any driver if you'd like to, or to tell me that i'm absolutely wrong if you'd like, because i always love to hear about these things!!! :3c

[yolowritter]

Anybody order an Evil Emilie Au?

Hello there everyone, and welcome! I'm back on my bullshit and 99% sure I talked about this before, but who cares? This, this wonderful thing is the Games of Innocence Au! Did you ever want a world where Emilie is a psychopath? Did you ever imagine her being as morally grey as they come yet still trying to be a mother to her son? What about if it was Gabriel who used the Peacock instead? What if she's replaced him as Hawkmoth? Empress actually, but still! And what somewhere down the line, she tries to manipulate Nathalie into helping her?

What if Emilie accidentally falls in love with her best friend? This absolute masterpiece is one of my favorite show re-write ideas of all time, and I've got some sweet 9.5k words for you guys to enjoy right here! Thing is, since I already have an Au that's over 300k words long, and rapidly approaching 400k...not to mention the next huge project on my list (a conservative estimate of 500k words)...I will not be writing the Evil Emilie Au in it's entirety. Most of it is a show rewrite anyway, and I simply don't have the time go through each individual episode and change it so that psycho!Emilie is there instead of mr Mothballs. I'm currently trying to write the finale, since it is the single best part and my personal favorite scene, hopefully to post it both here and on the Archive when I'm done.

However! I can and will rant about it until the end of time, assuming someone asks! And since the voices in my head did, here's an entire analysis about this version of Emilie! It's right below the cutoff, but I'd highly recommend to first read the fic! So here's the Ao3 link, hope you enjoy!

Alright then, welcome back! I hope it was a good read! Now as a disclaimer, I am not a mental health specialist, and might be confusing the terms "sociopath" and "psychopath" here, but I did read that sociopaths often struggle to control their emotions and act erratically (which Emilie doesn't, she has great self-control), where psychopaths have difficultly forming any emotional connections, so I feel like the latter term describes this Au's Emilie much better. Let's get right down to business, and explore (this) Emilie Agreste's mind, shall we! Obvious spoiler warning for the above fic.

Firstly, I'd like to make sure we're all on the same page with what kind of person Emilie is! Whenever I refer to her I'm obviously talking about this Emilie, so don't confuse it with canon. I have another upcoming post abt that. Her main attribute is that life as a concept is permeated by a general sense of boredom. Wake up, do tasks that only matter because she's told they do, sleep, repeat. Emilie was born into a rich family, which immediately means expectations. I'm assuming that she was kept pretty isolated aside from eventually starting school, so the only emotional connection Emilie formed in her early life was her sister, Amelie. She does genuinely care about her sister in a way that Emilie just can't bring herself to for her parents or staff, though she is nice to the latter and appreciates the work they do for her. Her parents are just stuck-up snobs but who cares? And so, Emilie shows this care the only way she knows how. Being perfect. Excelling at everything she does, getting the top grades in class, you all know the drill. The only thing she doesn't have is friends, and hangs out mostly with her sister. But even with Amelie, who she feels very strongly for...Emilie has a hard time expressing these feelings. For an example, see this flashback when they are sitting together in the garden:

“Sister…do you love me?” Amelie asks in a soft tone, her voice barely loud enough not to be carried away by the wind. Emilie recalls that she must have been... ten, maybe closer to eleven? And in all her admittedly few years, she never felt her heart stop beating as suddenly as when she registered Amelie’s words. “It’s- it’s just- …m’ sorry, Em. I… I don’t know, but whenever you smile at me...” the girl lets out a tiny sigh, nervously fidgeting with a stray strand of platinum-blonde hair. “It’s the same smile mum has when people are coming over…”

Emilie remembers it as clear as day—the way that the soft blades of gray grass between her fingers felt as if they’d been sharpened enough to draw out blood. Why…why would Am ever think she didn’t love her? Emile had done everything she was expected to do! She kept up her good grades like father wanted, always smiled and politely socialized with mum’s friends and family whenever they came over, and- …and she’d been nice to Amelie. Her twin sister, the constant presence in her life that truly felt like family…did not seem to think so. Or, maybe, Emilie had messed up somehow and given her the same bland niceness that the world would present her with day in and day out. But what else could she do? Wasn’t this what family meant? Just... be nice to one another and keep up with what was asked?

And over here, notice the way Emilie thinks of herself as a corpse, as not alive, even at such a young age:

“I- I’m sorry, Am,” she manages to whisper, even as confusion washes over Emilie’s mind. But…this is her sister. The one person who might understand how she feels about all of this, how the world itself registers only in dull shades of gray, how she can barely tell cold and hot apart, or how her heart sometimes feels like it’s stopped beating for hours at a time. “It’s hard for me to feel,” Emilie says, in the same reserved tone that’s always marked her sister’s voice.

And yes, obviously I know I'm the writer of the whole Au. I'm not patting myself on the back with these scenes, I'm just trying to get the point across. Emilie's life has always been that same dull grey, and the only people who can make it go away are Amelie, Adrien, Nathalie, and (to a lesser extent) Gabriel. She's been wearings masks her whole life, trying to be accepted by others but knowing that nobody would ever like who she truly is. And when she's alone...the thoughts come back, she can't tell if she is alive to begin with. Quote from the fic:

"Oftentimes, Emilie isn’t even able to feel her own heartbeat, never mind registering the expanding and collapsing of her lungs with every breath. When left alone and with nothing to catch her eye, Emilie could easily fool herself into thinking she’s some kind of undead or a ghost haunting the manor’s halls with twisted, quickly-fading memories."

Just to be clear here, Emilie suffers from deep depression. She feels isolated and alone, depending on the very few people who are perceptive enough to see even a tiny bit under her many masks, and she gets extremely attached very quickly. She isn't unable to love, since she (at the timeframe of the fic) has started to fall for Nathalie despite actively trying to manipulate her, but it's an extremely difficult mental situation to even begin dealing with. Emilie has hyperfocused on her family, and especially Adrien, her son. She isn't possessive and does genuinely love him, but there are obvious complications with their relationship. I'll get to that in a bit, but let's backtrack to her childhood one last time.

Emilie has absolutely no moral qualms with murder. Wow, that is a special combination of sentences right there! But in all seriousness, she thinks in a purely black-and-white kind of way. Emilie's #1 priority are her people, and for them she would burn the world to cinders. If anybody even looks at Amelie wrong, they will be wiped off the map for no reason other than the fact that this person was percieved as a danger. Emilie is that level of extreme in her protective streak. To give a few examples related to her sister, right after that flashback between the two of them, Emily recalls finding out that a slightly older girl was bullying her sister at school. And in a move that would make Ashley Graves proud, she straight up murders that child. No hesitation, no grievances, no regret. That girl was a threat to Amelie, and got swiftly eliminated. No questions asked, even at the grand-old age of 11.

Furthermore, Colt Fathom is straight-up dead in this Au. Emilie killed him when she came to visit her sister and nephew, staging a company emergency and sabotaging both his car engine and breaks, just to make sure. Can't take any chances with Colt of all people. Again, another threat to her sister eliminated, with Amelie's (implied) knowledge and support. The only reason she didn't kill him before the wedding is because Amelie personally convinced Emilie that she was willing to take on the burden for their family's sake. And also to use Colt's connections behind his back. Who doesn't love a good scheme?

Now...Gabriel and Nathalie never realized who exactly they were dealing with. It's worth mentioning here that Nathalie was actually Emilie's college roomate, and Gabriel was studying in the same university. Little detail, but I wanted to add it because Emilie canonically went to France to further her education. And Amelie got to work making friends in high places while Colt was busy in the 'murican bars downtown or something. Listen, all my homies hate Colt Fathom, and all you need to know is that the police didn't find enough of him to put in a casket. Anyway, Nathalie was studying business and finance, Emilie and Gabriel studied creative arts, and they met during their college years. The thing is, Emilie did love Gabriel. Only...not exactly the way he loved her. Quote again:

"Ever since she’d met him, Gabriel had been downright lovely. Polite, bookish, and a little nerdy, but with a creative spark powerful enough to bring forth an inferno of passion for his work. And he was also very loyal, most of all to the pretty popular girl who’d taken an interest in him and decided to befriend him in their first few days of college. Gabriel Agreste had turned out to be far more than just an interesting critter, and he was admittedly one of the extremely few people in this world Emilie had ever felt for, even if she was not fully able to reciprocate his feelings. Well…not in the way that Gabriel wanted, at least. Of course she loved him, hence why she obviously married him later on in life, but the man was…more of a cute, adorable puppy than a husband. If she were to put it crudely, Gabriel was far too easy when it came to matters of the heart."

Yeah...poor guy didn't notice the Yandere even after he married her. Also, another detail is that the reason why Emilie even took interest in Gabriel is because he saw through almost all her masks, believe it or not. Aside from the rampant psychopathy and slightly murderous tendencies, Emilie Graham De Vanily was an open book to him. Oh well, sometimes she ends up being crazy! What can you do? But anyway, worth mentioning that this Gabriel is far closer to his Reverse!Gabriel counterpart in terms of personality, and never acts in the callous, cold way we see in canon. Granted, we don't see what he was like before Emilie's canonical demise, but I don't like leaving room for implications on this matter. So you get your Good Parent Gabriel Agreste tag and you'll like it too!

As for Nathalie...there's an entire four and half posts' worth of ranting to do, so I'll just leave you with what the fic already has for now. Suffice it to say, she's very much into Emilie but knows she shouldn't be. I'm sure that with Empress trying to emotionally manipulate her into keeping the basement fridge life support pod thing a secret, that's going to go very well! Especially when the villainess herself is accidentally falling in love with Mayura! The Eminath is extremely strong with this one...

But anyway, about Adrien! Considering that even in canon, Emilie still wore his Amok-ring inside her sleeping pod, it's obvious that this Emilie will be wearing it too, right? Absolutely! And guess what? Thanks to a little help from an Akumatized Nathalie (prior to Origins in this Au), she magically enchanted the ring to make it literally impossible to unwillingly remove from her finger for as long as she's alive. Control issues, much? Seriously though, she does love Adrien very deeply, and does her best to be a mother. Emilie knows that he loves her back, and absorbs that love the same way a starved wolf devours fresh meat. She isn't oppressive and does her best to give him certain freedoms...but Adrien also never went to school in this Au. In her defense, she'd have little issue with it normally, but Emilie also wants to start her supervillainess career on the same year...and the thought of Adrien being caught in the crossfire genuinely terrifies her. Plus, in canon he does get involved in several Akuma attacks because of Gabriel, so... He still manages to get out of the house long enough to bump into Fu, hence Chat Noir, but doesn't ever meet Marinette and co. Not even for the Gum Incident.

In that case...hello Marichat! But again, that's for another Games of Innocence post. Today we focus on our resident Yandere! Believe me, it will become extremely evident why I call Emilie that once I post about her relationship with Nathalie/Mayura. Just trust me on this one. Back to Adrien, his dearly beloved mother is very much that. Beloved. But he is slowly starting to understand that something might be wrong with his home life, and tries to talk to Emilie about it.

This, I think, is an excellent time to talk about the color-coding in this Au. In a lot of my works I incorporate color theory and those meanings into stuff like aura colors, presences, Luka Vision™ (listen my hc is he has Synesthesia), etc. Obviously Adrien is supposed to be a vibrant green. Fresh start, new life, we've heard this all before. And Emilie...as Empress, she is a dark purple, because she's embracing her mystic side, and going absolutely wild with any and all magic shenanigans involving the Miraculous. But like I said above...in those moments where she's alone, not clinging to Adrien's side, or talking to Nathalie, or spending time with Nooroo...she's a dull, dead grey. The same tone that's haunted her since childhood. As a side note, Emilie doesn't abuse her Kwami. Nooroo actually thinks they could be good friends. You know, if she'd drop the quest for ultimate power and all.

Speaking of that, as far as Nathalie knows, this is all for the sake of bringing Gabriel back to life. Which...is true, yes. He's Adrien's father and Emilie did marry him, even if as "just a friend". She did actually have feelings for him by the way, just supressed them to avoid hurting herself when she realized he wasn't seeing her psycho side and then convinced herself that said emotions were better off locked up in the back of her mind. Never again...until Nathalie. But anyway! Emilie's main goal is Unlimited Power!!! Why? Shits and giggles, of course! She can do it, it's really fun to play this game with Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Akumatizing people just feels so intimate!

Do not get me wrong here! The reason why Emilie is obsessed with Akumatizations is because she loves going into people's heads and manipulating them! It's not weird, just the only coping mechanism she had in her entire childhood! Bless Amelie for giving her at least that... But yeah, Emilie basically treats the whole Akuma Shenanigans™ is her personal reality tv show, coupled with as much drama and action as anyone could ask for! And she gets to control the narrative! Plus, there's times where Emilie lets the Akuma do their thing just to see what might happen. Evillustrator is a prime example here, but that's part of the Marichat post so I won't get into it here.

Okay, okay. This rant is getting way too long. TL;DR: Emilie Agreste is kinda insane but still a better parent that canon Gabriel! I am currently working on the finale for this fic, because the ending is the best part and I want to share it with you all! In the meantime, feel free to send me as many asks abt this Au as you want! I'll be more than happy to have an excuse for more ranting! Anyway, I'll be seeing you all soon, but until then, Stay Miraculous everyone!

[palatial-monstrosity]

So you wanna write a novel…

I decided to write this after a post by @corpsepng asking how people plan their stories. It got out of hand so I made a separate post!

This is the system I used for planning, which is the result of mixing various strategies and amount of planning. The concern that "if I plan everything then I do not feel motivated to write" is valid and good news, there's ways to defeat that specific situation while reaping the benefits of planning the story beforehand.

THE BASICS

Step 1: the main character

Disclaimer: for simplicity, I'll assume only one main character but it can be adapted for more.

It's useful to know a few things about your mc before starting. Try to answer these questions:

Who are they? What does a typical day of their life look like? (ex, are we talking about a young wizard, a 50s housewife or a grizzled old warrior?)

What are they good at? (everyone is good at something, no matter how small and unimportant it may seem)

What do they want? Everyone wants something, even if it's just peace and quiet.

What do they lose if they quit? This will tell us a lot about the stakes of the story. Ultimately, is it about survival, belonging, respect, etc? It has to be quite important for your character, because if they change, they do it to save it.

What is their main flaw? This will greatly influence the story, so spend some time on this. In the context of your story a characteristic may be a flaw even if we would see things differently: maybe your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer to protect their family, maybe they need to be less generous, maybe they trust people too much… remember, context is king here.

Step 2: the environment

Who is their main antagonist? It could also be nature, magic or some organization, but there has to be someone opposing your character or there's no story.

How do they behave? What makes them succeed (until they don't, or they do)?

What is the setting? Again, go for the meaning here, not just the aesthetic. If your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer, maybe they're surrounded by monsters, zombies or something else that cannot be reasoned with. Or maybe you can reason with them and your MC has been successful in the past and thinks that's possible, until it doesn't work anymore…

Step 3: The ending

You need to know how the story ends, my friends. Some minor details may change, but the more you know about it, the easier the work is (and the less you'd have to rewrite, which is frustrating)

THE BASIC STRUCTURE

Once you have these elements, I strongly suggest you become familiar with the character arc, as it will be a useful guideline. You can divide your story in 5 or 3 parts, as you prefer, both work (I'm currently using a 5 acts structure).

Here's a very quick outline:

1 ACT The basics. Introduce the character and make us root for them, tell us what's happening and how it will affect them. Show us their flaw and we'll put 2 and 2 together. Introduce the main allies and antagonist, though you can add more important characters later.

2 ACT Your character tries to solve their new problem (bring the ring to Mordor, fight against the evil Empire, etc) and fails. They lack allies or refuse them.

3 ACT A huge failure makes them sit and stop for a moment - they either change for the better, or go down the road to tragedy (I am simplifying things a lot here) If they change, allow them to catch their breath as a reward.

4 ACT Their change was not complete/perfect and now the antagonist has become harder to fight. Your MC is on the road to failure again, one last time. And this time, everything seems lost. Hope seems to disappear.

5 ACT Your MC finds hope again, and finds out how to win against the antagonist. Not everything is lost. They regain old (and new) allies and fight. It is hard and there are losses, but they have changed (where, we might add, the antagonist has not), and they win. Or they don't, if you set them on a path to tragedy.

Once you've sketched a rough outline of these acts, the fun begins!

Take the first act and divide it in chapters, taking notes of what you want to show. I do this scene by scene, but in a very simple way. I might write "MC fights, he is injured because he refuses to kill his enemy" and this will be my way to show that his flaw is that he is too merciful. I do not go into details about the fight just yet.

Once you finished this for the first act, pick your very first scene. This will be the hardest one as it needs to set, well, everything. Where are we, who is the mc, etc. This might need a few rewrites. Once you've chosen what you want to show, I want you to THINK about it. All the fucking time. At the bus stop, in traffic, in the shower, at lunch, whatever. Think about how you'd write it. How would you start it, how will you show us that it's night and we are in a deep dark forest, or that we're in an office building at dawn, whatever. The first scene might take a few days of this, but it will be easier as you go. It is important that you get at the very least one night of sleep between the thinking and the writing as sleep organizes stuff in your mind. Only then, sit down and write that specific scene. You will notice that it will be different from how you originally planned it: maybe you added a side character, maybe you decided it's not night but sunset, etc. Your brain will give you new ideas! And that's great. After you've written that, well, start thinking about the next scene, and so on, and so on… I currently manage the thinking for the next scene + the writing in the same day ( I write first thing in the morning so I get that part out of my brain).

MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE

your character's opinion aren't your opinions. get crazy, it will be fun.

everything you write will be on your mc's point of view, so they will notice things differently than you would. They might notice things that are ordinary for us, or they might have different views on things like religion, family, sexuality, etc.

Recommended reading

It's just three books, read at the very least the first two books as they will be incredibly useful for the character arc and to write compelling characters:

Inside Story: The Power of the Transformational Arc: The Secret to Crafting Extraordinary Screenplays by Dara Marks

The Science of Storytelling: Why Stories Make Us Human, and How to Tell Them Better by Will Storr

Into The Woods: How Stories Work and Why We Tell Them by John Yorke

[anonofseasons]

Subject of spanking in fiction ahead, just to warn.

Important: I am not posting this so I can hear justifications, and if you wanna argue, go elsewhere. For me, IRL spanking is either consensual or condemned. I will never budge on my stance. That said, I seem to be incapable of writing stories that don't reflect those values? It's a personal comfort issue. I strongly believe that fiction doesn't mean endorsement 1=1. The issue? I've encountered too many spankos who've... definitely endorsed spanking as a punishment. It makes me wildly uncomfortable. Prickly. I have my defenses up because of that. I'm sure some people passed on Seasons because they felt bogged down like they were reading a lecture, but this is me keeping to boundaries that make me comfortable. My stories are often about surviving in a world full of accepted abuse while living through trauma. Enduring abuse. I seem to be incapable of writing loving spankings in fiction unless they're between adult couples. Haha. Seasons is just more graphic with the childhood punishment descriptions than I usually share with the public. Not to say I haven't, but writing one spanking scene here and there is a lot less than what comes up in Seasons. And while I often see people talk about how annoying disclaimers are on fiction, and I somewhat agree, I also think about all those encounters I mentioned earlier, and... disclaimers make me feel comforted when I'm reading spanking fiction! I really don't want to read a spanking story and find out the author advocates for it IRL. And since I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, I also put up my own disclaimers. (I'm none too hopeful that it'll keep me from being harassed for what I write, but it's an attempt to curb that too.) I love spanking between adults in fiction, too, consensual or not. Can be sexual, can be pure punishment, can be both. Hence the reason I damn well know writing something doesn't automatically mean endorsement, since IRL adults need to consent. That's why I get that people can create works of fiction (art, writing, otherwise) that don't necessarily mean they're advocating for it IRL. But what I want to write is what I want to write. I can't make the kids hug and say, "I love you!" afterward, because that's not true to myself. Just as for someone else, that's a part of their stories they enjoy adding! There are no wrongs in the fiction, for whatever works for people. Always write the story you want to tell. It's solid, universal writing advice. (Whereas most writing advice is often garbage that only works for a handful of people, haha.) I'm just here to shamelessly channeling a lot of things into my characters! 😂

[thechaosisgettingexhausting]

I'm new to Tumblr so it's interesting that immediately a tarot reading appears is resonates so strongly. (I tried finding this persons post but I left the tab so I lost which blog did this)

Butterfly[if it matters Capricorn] = new guy(main dude im talking about)

ex[Gemini] = Wolf

I've been dating this guy that has really switched my perception on relationships. A little background this guy is not well favored by my friend(who is actually one of the mutuals that was the reason I met him) to the point that she didn't talk to me for a while about the issue...thats a long story for another time... this guy has changed my perspective so much that I didn't think anyone could.

Previous to him[Butterfly], I was in a chaotic relationship, constantly inconsistent. I was convinced I didn't want to find anyone else after him[Wolf] because I was exhausted of giving my love, loyalty, time and effort for me to be easily discarded. It wasn't just him but also past people that haven't treated me the best.

This tarot is insane because he truly did emotionally help get me back on my feet...he could tell when I was feeling very vulnerable and he can read the room very fast. he would do small acts to get me out of my dissociative state... it was a week or two from when Wolf and I called it off and I had just explained it to him and his friend. it was like he was taking mental notes of my cues. little did he know I was taking notes also...

we then take this out of the intimate event to dms. he jokes with me and obv I still have a guard up, but he was making it hard NOT to trust him... he was handling me amazingly, asking me in-depth questions that made me really think about my emotions, reactions and how I treat those around me. throughout this he's made me feel so secure and safe. he would constantly reassure me, he's probably the most stable person I've ever dated.

in relation to the tarot reading he literally did introduce me to his friends and he integrated me into his life with ease. mind you, I AM NOT USED TO THIS TREATMENT... with every past dude it felt like I was draining myself so i didn't lose them[imma make a separate blog analyzing my own flaws in relationships] but with him he makes it feel like ease.

he's a writer, he wrote me a letter, for the first time a week or two ago that was so expressive, so sensual and made feel seen, I'm usually the one analyzing and being more in touch with others' emotions. in a way I feel like being with him is truly healing parts of my inner child. he writes beautiful lyrics about love... he reads love poems and is so in touch with his emotions. I know this is bare minimum but sometimes I can barely even regulate my own emotions.

he's always encouraging me to do my best, encouraging me to get better. one of the first things he said to me was along the lines of "I don't want to jump too fast with you because I want you to get better and be able to feel better on your own" already off the bat that combatted my dependency issues. he didn't want me to become dependent on him to be my happiness... which already made me immediately feel seen.

people here obv don't know anything about me but I'm very sexual and I enjoy s3x, a lot of the times when Im with a man Im usually, immediately physically s3xual with them, I held back a lot with Butterfly...read disclaimer at the bottom.... after a while we stopped caring that my best friend didn't like him so we've been sneaking around ever since. but I truly feel like I'm with someone that I can succeed with. he's literally met my dad and sisters, my sisters like him a lot and my dad doesn't care as long as im happy but im sure he'd like him if they had a conversation.

{**DISCLAIMER**}Why did I hold back? I am not supposed to be seeing him or even talking to him. I know now some of you might be thinking I'm home wrecking my friends relationship, maybe you're thinking that Butterfly is my friend's bf but no, she genuinely acts like she hates this man, she's in a relationship with another... Let me clarify that my friend is not in a relationship with Butterfly. I am NO home wrecker.

I could literally talk about this all day but I got other shit to let out

[workscounselingcenter]

The Enneagram, Therapy, and You: Enneagram Eight

Hello! I am Shelby, a licensed professional counselor who loves all things enneagram, and works with clients at The Works Counseling Center located in Nashville, TN.

How has your August been? This is a month that is often filled with transitions; going back to school, birthdays, and the beginning of the end of summer to make way for another fall. What transitions have you experienced recently? What helps you in seasons of transition? Today, we will transition in our series from our enthusiasts who we talked about last time, to our justice-oriented, challenger or protector archetypes; the enneagram eight. Please note that ‘challenger’ and ‘protector’ will be used interchangeably throughout this blog, both are used in reference to the enneagram eight.

If you are interested in reading previous blog posts on this subject or want to explore earlier numbers, please click here.

Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be all-inclusive about this enneagram number, nor is it intended to replace or provide professional counseling services; this blog’s intended purpose is to provide an informal discussion on the enneagram as it relates to professional counseling and mental health. *

Let’s begin.

Referred to as the ‘challenger’ or ‘protector’ archetype, an individual who identifies with the enneagram eight is often justice-oriented, straight-forward and self-confident. Enneagram eights are commonly assertive individuals who have a strong sense of right and wrong, paired with a strong desire to create protection from injustice. At their best, protectors may use their justice-oriented mindset to protect others and promote equality for marginalized populations. At less healthy levels, protectors may become aloof and critical when experiencing feelings of threat. Famous examples of individuals who meet this archetype include Martin Luther King Jr, Toni Morrison, and Queen Latifah.

Enneagram eights are known to be the most independent archetype on the enneagram. However, no one is born fiercely independent. In fact, we are born just the opposite, completely dependent on our caretakers to help us survive and hardwired for connection. Therefore, someone who identifies with this archetype, likely learned in childhood that it was not safe to be fully vulnerable with others. It is common that a protector learned to associate healthy vulnerability with weakness. This can follow a protector into adulthood and show up as unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as: keeping relationships at a distance, resisting vulnerability, and at times, being perceived as confrontational.

When a challenger enters the counseling relationship, it is incredibly important to be mindful of their personal relationship with vulnerability. And to be fully transparent as a counselor who frequently uses the enneagram in therapy, I have not yet experienced a challenger in the counseling space. Is that because challengers do not go to therapy? No, but someone who identifies with this archetype may find it especially challenging to enter a therapeutic relationship if they are not already aware of their own relationship with vulnerability. It is a brave choice for anyone to enter a counseling space, and part of the brave choice for a challenger is taking the step to practice letting go of some of their strongly protective boundaries.

A message of affirmation and healing for our challengers: “There is strength in vulnerability.”

A challenge: To discern when it is safe and appropriate to lay down your armor.

Thank you, challengers, for your industriousness, your value of justice, and your innate desire to protect others. The world is better with you in it.

Let’s check in again soon.

Enjoying learning about the enneagram and want to know more? Please find book suggestions and references here.

If you are interested in exploring the enneagram with professional therapy services or would like to work with a mental health professional, please contact The Works Counseling Center for more information.

[cruella1989]

The Tragic Life of Darth Sidious

Why are villains like Darth Vader, Darth Maul, and Kylo Ren considered tragic? Well, the short answer is because they had “tragic” experiences that played into them going down the wrong path (although I think in the case of the latter it’s debatable). But they’re not what I’m going to discuss today, it’s another villain who has an equally sad background, but for some reason is often considered very unsympathetic. That antagonist is none other than the big bad guy, himself, Emperor Palpatine. 

Personally I’ve never understood why so many fans say that it’s “impossible to feel any sympathy for him” and that he has “no redeeming qualities”. I especially don’t understand these type of statements with the fans that pity other villains. I’m talking about bad guys who have killed and hurt many people, some of which have not reformed, others who don’t even have that sad a backstory. Is it because, he’s the guy in charge? To each their own, I guess? 

Anyway, here’s why I view this particular villain a little differently than the norm. (Disclaimer! I am in no way excusing his actions! I know he’s evil, and I’m simply explaining why I think he’s more sympathetic than many other fans do.)

When we first meet Palpatine in the, now Legends, novel Darth Plagueis he is a troubled seventeen year-old, to say the least. There’s also no denying that he’s an egocentric, little jerk right from the start of his initial appearance. It can be hard to see him as anything other than that, especially with some of the things he admits to have done. Those include all kinds of petty crimes and even vehicular man-slaughter! How are you supposed to feel bad for somebody like that? I’d say the first thing you need to do is look at what caused him to become that way.

I think a lot people either ignore or miss a few very important clues when reading the novel that strongly states he was abused by his father and came from a very dysfunctional home. For example, they tend to take his father buying him out of trouble with the law as a sign that he’s a spoiled brat. Of course, that action does send the message to youth that they are above the law no matter the intent. But the book states that the patriarch of the Palpatine home is doing that because he wants no ‘stain’ on the family name, not out of some kind of mislead love for his troubled son. On top of that, the book makes it clear that his father, Cosinga, was a terrible man that did awful things to the family and all sorts of illegal acts. In fact it’s stated that he committed fraud, made bribes, hired hit men, had multiple mistresses, and intimidated his wife and children into being subservient to him.

“Palpatine forced a laugh. “Only because she espouses no views of her own; only because he has made her subservient to him—as he has my well-behaved brothers and sisters, who treat me like an interloper and yet, to my father, represent all I can never be.”

“Plagueis had no need to delve any further into whatever traumas had given rise to Palpatine’s cunning, secretive nature.”

“Cosinga flung his words with cruel abandon, “It will be so good to have you gone.”

Being raise by someone like that in that kind of environment is really going to mess a kid up, especially if said youth already has violent tendencies. All children need some sort moral guidance, but when a child has a bad temper they particularly need help learning how to controlling it. I think it’s pretty safe to say that young Palpatine was getting much the opposite of what he needed in his childhood home.

“…his father, who shared with his son a penchant for violence,…”

“Sidious took a moment to respond. It was odd to think now that he had once known fear... But as a child, he’d experienced fear as a conditioned response to threat. Despite a reassuring voice inside him that had promised no harm could come, there had been, for a time, a chance that something terrible could happen. More than once his father’s raised hand had made him cringe.”

But, what about him killing his own family before he even became a Sith apprentice? Okay, there’s a difference between premeditated murder and self defense. Palpatine’s dad had just said he wanted to kill him, and in response the boy unleashed a force-storm on him. It was obviously result of a bunch of fear, anger and force power that had been bottled up inside of him. The author makes it plain that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and that he’s even scared of his own power. Heck, Palpatine even tells his mother to stay away from him while this mess in going on. Please, keep in mind he’s only seventeen, has had no force training, and his father just said he wanted him dead.

Also, do not forget that Hego Damask, (aka Plagueis) who was likely Palpatine’s only friend, had goaded him on about killing his father only a few days earlier, when the boy stated that he wanted be free of his family. Yes, he tells the impressionable teenager a story about how he ‘did away’ with his own family, when they were in the way of his own desires. He even admits it after the event is over. 

This particular act by Damask obviously left a big impression on Palpatine and angered him even decades later. This is shown when Sidious brings it up right before killing Plagueis and becoming Sith Master.

{“Hated you more than you know,” Cosinga said, allowing his ire to rise once more. “Enough to want to kill you from the start.”

Palpatine stood his ground. “Then you had better do it now.”

Cosinga took a step in Palpatine’s direction…}

“Palpatine stood rooted in place, his hands trembling in front of him and his face stricken. Something stirred behind his incandescent eyes. He heard the pounding on the hatch and whirled. “Don’t come in! Stay away from me!”

“It was Hego Damask as Plagueis who then set his sights on a seemingly confused young man and, with meticulous skill, manipulated him into committing patricide, matricide, and fratricide.”

Another argument I see being made against young Palpatine has to due with a few insults he and his father throw at each right before the latter’s death. I’ve heard many fans claims that these quotes prove that he was “born evil” or “it’s meant to symbolize the devil”.

{“…You are an animal heart.”

“King of Beasts, Father,” Palpatine said.}

“I knew this day would come. I’ve known it since the first moment I tried to swaddle you, and you fought me with strength that was too powerful for your size and age.”

Okay, to start with his abusive father calling him ‘an animal’ doesn’t mean that he behaved in a sadistic way his entire life. I know that that’s popular belief when in comes to that line, but it is not true. Remember, this is the guy who made most of his family subservient to him. So why wouldn’t he call his rebellious eldest son, a name like that? If the insult did have any meaning to it (beyond just being mean) likely he’s referring to the boy’s bad temper and his trouble with the law. And second Palpatine’s response is more than likely a claim that he’s stronger than his father, not confirming that he’s ‘demonic’ or whatever.

 Also, baby Palpatine being strong and more powerful than the average infant does not prove that he was born evil, or was some kind of demon baby. It only confirms that he was strong in the force from infancy. And guess what? Babies fight all the time.

So, did the troubles stop once the dysfunctional family was gone? Not exactly. After witnessing Palpatine’s strength in the force and hearing the boy admit that his true desire was to be powerful, Plagueis decided to offer him an apprenticeship. Damask revealed that he was a Sith Lord, and told Palpatine that if he swore his allegiance to the order, then he could obtain great power. 

He, of course, took the offer as he did crave power, and there was a promise of it. Was it the right path to take? No. Did he join for selfish reasons, like the promised strength and authority. Of course, why else would he? But, that doesn’t change the fact that he was put through a lot brutal physical, mental and emotional tests while going through Sith training. 

I’d also like to add, that unbeknownst to the his new pupil, the Sith Master had other plans to use the boy as a way of obtaining power for himself. This basically involve getting Palpatine elected Chancellor, (since a human stood a better chance than a Muun) and using Sidious as a ‘puppet’ while he called the shots. So Plagueis was not innocent here, by any means.

"He admits it! And who better than a human to wear the mask of power while an immortal Sith Lord rules in secret!" 

{“Now tell me again, Apprentice, and in greater detail.”

Once more Sidious allowed his memories to unfold, and he relived the crime— the event as he had come to think of it. His father’s limp and bloody body, the smashed skulls of the bodyguards, his hands around his mother’s slender throat—but not really, only in his mind—strangling her with his thoughts, the lifeless forms of his siblings, slumped here and there. In telling it and telling it, in reliving it, he had finally gained a kind of authority over it; the ability to see the event merely for what it was, without emotion, without judgement. It was as if the event had occurred years, rather the months, earlier.}

“…You want strangle me like you did you’re poor, misunderstood mother, tear me limb from limb like you did the bodyguards. Fair enough. But to do so you will have to make a greater effort, Apprentice.”

Clawing his way across the tundra, his body rashed with lightsaber burns, Sidious looked up at Plagueis imploringly, “H-how much longer…Master?” 

The final dispute that I tend to hear made against him is that he was “tricking” his master, Plagueis, the whole time they worked together. Personally, I never saw that. Much of the dialog, his internal thoughts and the situations that he was in during the Sith training made it pretty clear Sidious was not the one in control. 

Now it is true that Palpatine does start tricking him later, as he gains more desire for power, and wants to kill Plagueis and become the Sith Master. It starts off subtlety but you can tell when he starts loosing respect for Plagueis and wondering when he will be the one in charge. I’m not saying that it didn’t start before that, but I just have a hard time imagining the young Sidious “clouding” his master’s mind the entire time, without any previous training.

I’d also like to point out that despite popular belief, it’s actually never stated that he was tricking him the whole time, not even during his villainous rant at the end. What Palpatine actually says is that he never intended to share the power. And okay even if he had somehow been “clouding” Plagueis’ mind (despite having no force training) during the entire apprenticeship, what do you expect out some one who was raised in a dysfunctional home until age seventeen and was then taken in by a mass murderer? 

“You lost the game on the very first day you chose to train me to rule by your side—or better still under your thumb!”

“The truth is, I haven’t changed. As we have clouded the minds of the Jedi, I clouded your’s. Never once did I have any intention of sharing power with you.”

Now, I’m sure that people are going to claim that, unlike many other Star Wars villains, he still as no redeeming qualities. Of course, having no positive qualities makes it much harder to view him in any sort of positive light or feel pity for him. At least it would be if that were true. Especially in Legends timeline, there are several glimpses of humanity that we see from him. These are mostly shown by some attempts to help and in hints that he cares about his apprentices in his own twisted way.

“…that the force was strong in the infant was reason enough not to let it wonder around unprotected, and perhaps fall in the hands of the Jedi.”

“There is a moment—just one moment,” McDiarmid remembers, “It’s after Anakin’s been almost destroyed and he’s got little life in him. Palpatine has sent for a medical team and he’s waiting for them to arrive—and he just gently touches Anakin’s forehead. Sidious doesn’t have any qualities we normally associate with humanity, except he does have a master-servant relationship with Anakin. Anakin means something to him.” 

The Making of Star Wars: Episode III- The Revenge of the Sith 

J.W. Rinzler 

I hope that you enjoyed this article and that it has clarified things, and maybe helped you see him in a bit of a different light.  

[whaleofatjme1920]

[Haley, Creepypasta/MH, She/They, 19, Romantic]

My name is Hal and I am giving you this letter, a bag of many tiny bells (collected for who knows how long), an amethyst crystal I used often as a child to chase away bad dreams, and a kind of rose tea (though I am not one for tea I liked both the symbolism and that it would round out to 3 offerings excluding my letter) as offerings in hopes that you will help me find my match.

I would describe myself as a very sarcastic person who loves to make jokes, dress in a frilly poofy way (often wearing heels to make myself at least 6'1), and someone who likes to do fun fantasy escapism type activities (going to renfaire, playing DnD and RPG video games,etc.). Peoples impressions of me range from cute and quiet to a straight up golden retriever. I am a pretty sedentary homebody most of the time though I can be more outgoing and confident when I am with people I know and usually are some brand of nerd (theater, Gamer, etc.) I also draw, make clothes/costumes, and love to create stories and characters, only some of which I actually use, a sad amount just sits in a box after it's made. I have my issues, mainly with procrastinating, forgetfulness, and the need to be able to be fully independent when push comes to shove because unexpected things happen but I have always been the romantic daydreaming type and over time I have matured and am tired of new historical events making me more and more tired, I just want to find my person to do all of the things good, bad, easy, and hard with. I just want to make a home with them and be in their world. - Haley

P.s my love language is acts of service and words of affirmation, I didn't know where to cram that in so here we are. I blame my ADD.

[Disclaimer: The Red String of Fate event is a special event I'm running from August 12th, to whenever I feel it necessary to end - right now, I'm giving it to the first week of September! Check out rules HERE]

There's just a hint of a smile on Yue Lao's face as he hears the bells you've given him ring in the passing breeze. It's something soft and sweet, like a little lullaby that rings through the night. The amethyst crystal has found it's way to one of his many bookshelves, acting as a lovely addition to his home. The faint scent of rose tea rests strongly on his porch as he sips it, a quiet hum leaving his lips from how good it is. Bao rests near the teapot, purring quietly at the warmth and the sweet scent.

It admittedly isn't that hard for him to find a match for you. The thought comes almost instantly as he reads over the things that make you happiest, the things that you enjoy creating, and a name pops into his head as loud as a whistle: Alex Kralie. Now, that's not a name anyone would ever expect, really, but achieving ultimate balance, the god is of the belief the two of you would work fantastically. He's admittedly of the belief that you and Alex have a wonderful creative streak that would only grow in each other's presence, and his practical nature would mesh well with your more fantastical essence. Opposites, but similar.

Bao returns to him with a spool of thread in her mouth, the color of fresh summer roses and smelling just as sweet as them. She purrs softly at the names he whispers to her before he ties the string to your pinky, and then moves around to Alex's. The thread glows brightly, reflecting in his moonlight covered eyes with a shine that makes him laugh happily. What a brilliant glow, and a strong match that this will be. Looks like Alex is still in college, working on some silly student film. Perhaps silly is the wrong word, but it makes the god smile all the same. He watches with a dreamy, far off look as you watch the string materialize on your finger while sitting in your dorm.

You're up from your dorm almost instantly, following the string like it's the only thing you've ever cared about. There's a small bout of wonder in your eyes as it leads you across campus to one of the building on the far end side. You recognize it as the college of arts. It leads you up the stairs to the second floor, where a bulletin board lays covered with ads, flyers and whatnot. There's one near the bottom right, kind of obscured by the many other papers but you read it clearly: Marble Hornets, auditions Friday - Sunday! Held on the third floor, room 315.

You glance down at your string with a deep gut feeling telling you that's the exact same place your soulmate lies. You rush up the stairs, hardly noticing as Brian and Tim pass by you until Brian gets your attention.

"Evenin' to you too," the blond haired man chuckles as he watches you practically sprint up the stairs.

"Oh, hey, Brian, Tim," you shoot over your shoulder.

He snickers and continues walking down the stairs slowly with his friend who shoots you a small wave in response. "Going for Alex's audition?"

You hold up your left pinky and smile. "Looks like I am."

The two men share a look and wish you a good luck, watching as you disappear upwards. You feel like you can't breathe as your heart beats faster and faster, anxious to meet who you know is your soulmate. You can feel a tug from his end too, and rounding the corner into the room. Alex is there, sitting in front of a camera seeming to just clean up and looking over notes when he feels his hand tug.

He looks over his shoulder, and you swear it's the first time you've ever seen him smile.

[lovebecomeshim]

hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

[natsukitakama]

Headcanon : Reader being nice to Floch even though he is jerk

Request : Well since Floch seem to be a type of guy who criticize people then how about he criticize s/o as well but instead of her getting offensive, she actually thank him for being honest since she’s a type of person who’s okay with criticism and also want the truth since some people usually don’t do it because they’ll feel bad that they know it’ll hurt people and that s/o is also a type of person who sees good on everyone including Floch even tho he seem like a jerk guy she still sees good on him and really curious in how would he react 👀

Author note : Hi there I’m sorry for taking so long, I needed some time of my own hope you’ll understand. I found your request quite interesting considering this part of his personality isn’t the most attractive. But still it’s part of who he is. Anyway hope you’ll enjoy this (to be honest I struggled to finish it lmao also yeah I'm trying a new way to present my post one day I'll be satisfied) 

Update : Because I got so much fun writing his reaction from a reader who is thanking him for his opinion while he was harsh on them. In this headcanon, they started as companion but then it would be imply that both of them are together or at least something is happening. Hope you’re fine with that. 

Warning : Cursing / Floch being a mean / mention of something that happened in season 3 but its vague 

Disclaimer :  Not because I’m writing about Floch means I understand what’s he done, I won’t accept his action but I still believe he wasn’t developed enough. I won’t accept any criticism because my anon asked for Floch or because I write for him. If you don’t like it then do not read it ♡ 

I got a headcanon that look like this so see this as the other version ♡ 

Masterlist 

The way you seemed to always accept every criticism never felt to amaze Floch. No matter who criticizes you, you’re always acting like it wasn’t a big deal. Worst he even noticed that you were glad to be critized. His first thought when he discovered that you were taking different opinion with a smile was something like « what the fuck ? » 

How could you take negative though that easily ? What was your secret ? 

For weeks he strongly believed that you were acting tough but when you were alone, you were crying over each word you’ve been hit on. 

He wouldn’t be surprised I mean, everyone hates being criticized it’s part of our nature. 

But you weren’t like this, after weeks of believing you were a liar at pretending that critics didn’t affect you, he then discovered that in fact you were taking it with serenity. 

« It would help me to be a better a person » you once said to him

He didn’t get it. Like who do you think you are ?

Why aren’t you acting like Eren or Jean ? Why weren’t you angry at him ? Worst, why weren’t you defending yourself ? What was wrong with you ? 

The fact that you were smiling everytime he was mean to you was getting on his nerve. For fuck sake could you at least yell at him ? At least he’ll know you were human. 

He didn’t why but seeing you smiling at him, thanking him for his negative opinion got his sick. He could feel his stomach twisted as if he could throw because of your sympathy. Did you pity him ? 

He even once heard a conversation between you, Eren and his crew that makes him even more sick : 

« You know, you shouldn’t let him talk to you the way he did. This isn’t respectful. » 

« Eren is right, want me to teach him some manners ? If it’s for you i’ll do it » 

«  *chuckle* Thank you Mikasa but I don’t think it would be necessary. I mean yeah he got a way to say things - » 

« He is talking to you like you were shit » 

« I wouldn’t say it like this Eren but yeah you got a point. Y/N I know you saw good in everyone but you have to admit that recently he is being mean to you » 

« *sigh* As I was trying to say, yeah he is being mean with me but his opinion was actually good. I mean yeah I’ve been too slow during our training and yes I shouldn’t forgot to pack some gas with us. My point is he was right, he just got a way to talk to people » 

« Come on everyone makes mistake and it wasn’t like HE thought about taking Gas bottle too. He got some balls to says that » 

« Eren is right Y/N. » 

« But he was still right. I mean he forgot but I forgot too, if no one is meticulous in real battle it could be dangerous. Besides he is not as mean as everyone thinks. I can see it, there is good in him »

« Well he is doing a good job at hiding it. Remembered how he talked to Armin when he woke up ? That piss of sh- » 

« *sigh* Yeah he shouldn’t say it the way he did but you need to understand his point too. He was all alone with his friends and his commander which he used to worship by the way, he had to run with his friends knowing he would die either from stone or because he’ll be eaten by a Titan. For him Erwin was a hero, of course his first reaction was to want him to survive. Caporal Levi did it too, he wanted Erwin to survive he only have the injection because Erwin told him too. » 

«  Maybe. But I still believe this man has no education » 

« *chuckle* you used to be a little shit too when you first came, acting all cocky because you were about to kill titans but everyone looked through it and now we all love our precious angry soldier » 

Eren then proceed to grumble something about not being angry while everyone was laughing. How could you say that ? Why were you protecting him ? Did he ask you to protect him ? No ? Then why are you seeing all those things at him ? Why were you saying that he got a point when all he did was telling you how shitty you were. He was bullying you why were you nice to him ? 

The worst when he started to have a crush on you. Was he a sadist or something ? Why was he looking at you everytime you were training ? Why was he offended when someone compliment you ? You’re just in love bitch

Did he stop being mean at you ? No not at all, it would be out of character for him. BUT he started to be « gentle » about the way he critices you. For example he won’t told you that you suck at being a soldier because you were starting to feel tired because of the training instead he would scold you for not sleeping enough. 

See ? He still gives you critics and some time he is a bit harsh but now you’ve noticed (even though you already did) that he was actually carrying about you. 

So you started to thank him even more for his kind word, which disgust him. Why were you thanking him anyway ? 

At some point he stopped trying to figure out if you were a masochist or just silly, he keeps scolding you everytime you did something wrong and he just shrugs each time you were thanking him. 

But then you started to defend him even more, you weren’t just trying to justify his action by analyzing his behavior. 

Now you were arguing with people who were telling some shit about him which surprised him. Why do you care ?  He didn’t give a damn about some fools’ opinion nor should you. 

But here you were explaining your point, trying to make them understand that no he wasn’t just a jerk and there were something more important to get to know. He froze. 

« Come on Y/N don’t fool yourself Floch is a jerk have you seen him ? All he cares is himself. He is so fool of himself. Did you notice the way he is talking to you ? How could you defend someone like him ? » 

« Because he cares about him and because I care about him too. You asked if I noticed the way he was talking to me, I did. He stopped being mean at me, and started to give me advice to help me during my training. He noticed my lack of stamina and told me to practice and sleep better. He scold be for always forgetting something and now I’m careful. All he need was to help me, how am I supposed to avoid fight when you’re clearly misunderstanding him. He is someone good, you just need to get to know him » 

This time instead of feeling sick, he felt a little warm running into his body especially on his face. He felt … good ? He couldn’t explain it but yeah he felt right to hear you saying this even though he still didn’t understand why you were like this while you two barely talk together. 

He wanted to confront you about. 

Especially because he started to dream about you even more than before. That scene when you were defending him was keeping playing in his head, again and again. At this point you were always on his dream. Not that he will complain but he felt silly to be like this, like to him they were no way you were into him. 

So one day when you two were cleaning the training room, Floch decided it was now or never. So after closing the door to be in « peace », he walked into your direction. Step by step he noticed that he got trouble at taking a deep breath probably because he was scared or anxious. 

When he finally was in front of you, you noticed his frown and started to ask yourself what was wrong with him. He wasn’t so anxious, usually he came talk to you all cocky to correct you but now it was as if he was talking to Caporal Levi. 

« Are you okay ? » 

« Of course I am why wouldn’t I ? » 

« I don’t know you look like tense. Did I do something wrong ? » 

« Obviously yeah. I mean you’re always doing something wrong but that’s not why I’m here » 

«  Oh yeah ? » 

« Yeah. »

« Then ? »

« Then what ? » 

« Why are you here ? If you’re not here to scold me » 

«  I wanted to know why you’re acting so nice » 

«  I’m acting nice ? » 

« Yeah don’t play dumb to me. I heard you talking with Eren and that bunch of shitty friends also I saw you with those stupid soldiers talking dirty about me. Why were you defending me ? » 

« Why not ? I mean they are not angel either so I don’t see the point of being mean » 

« But i’am » 

« Excuse me ? » 

« You said there’s no point of being mean about someone but I’m mean. Especially with you I remember correctly telling you that you being a soldier was a shame for humanity » 

« Yeah that wasn’t nice by the way » 

« See ? You’re smiling ! Why is wrong with you ? » 

« What ? Because I can’t smile ? » 

« No ! Not when I’m being mean at you that completely strange » 

« Well then I’m a weirdo I guess » 

« Okay I’m done I knew I couldn’t get anything from you » 

«  I’m sorry but I don’t see what’s wrong with my behavior ? » 

« You can’t smile when someone is saying bad things about you » 

« Why not ? You’re being honest. » 

« But it’s mean » 

« Yeah and ? At least you’re not trying to be nice with me when in fact you can’t stand me. I hate hypocrite I prefer when people are honest with me. Besides as I said before your critics were interesting it helps me getting better so I don’t see why I would be mad at me » 

«  I don’t get it I’m sorry, even if it helps you. You could at least slap me for being mean at you » 

« Do you want me to spank you Floch ? » 

«  I- I say slap me and not like this I-I oh my god I can’t » 

«  *laugh* but you’re the one talking about slapping I’m sorry I didn’t know it was your thing I’ll take it in mind » 

« YOU … Wait are you making fun of me ? » 

« Maybe ? » 

Then you just laugh and finish your duty, leaving a completely frozen Floch. 

You’re kinda broke him, he didn’t know how to behave with you anymore. 

Should he be glad because you’re not angry at him for being a jerk ? Or should he be concerned because you figure out something he didn’t want to admit ? 

Again, he started to be less a jerk around you. But you noticed that it worked only for you. Floch was still… Floch around other people. He just tends to be soft with you, he stopped scolding you and in fact correct you each time you were doing a wrong move. And when you were loosing or forgetting something, he just gave you what you needed without complaining. 

People were surprised, like they weren’t used to see Floch not acting like a jerk. They also didn’t understand why you weren’t treated like everyone else. Some of them got their theory but for now all they could notice was Floch not being as mean as usual with you while you were acting nice with him. For both of you that’s all matter 

[curiousconch]

Chase You / Chase Me (Pt. 2)

Part 2: Before I dive right into you

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: In the aftermath of their pretend wedding in Las Vegas, Gabe begins to unravel his growing feelings for Alex. But as he attempts to bring his past to light, someone from Alex's previous life casts a shadow on the future.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 2.4k+ (sorry 🙈)

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / alcohol consumption, some swears

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogue belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

A little after 1 AM, Las Vegas

Gabe can't help but smirk at the look of mischief in Alex's eyes as they stood by a quiet spot in the middle of Las Vegas. With her in that glittery dress, he somehow can't bring himself to part from her yet.

He knew it wasn't only him who felt that tingling in his fingertips when he brushed her cheeks, her breath smelling strongly of martini. He was very aware that Alex felt the same when she stared back at him, standing at that cramped cheap chapel while an Elvis impersonator stood nearby. The moment she stepped away when he said that it's just all pretend made Gabe's heart ache with regret.

So here they were, standing awkwardly after he shot down her advances again.

But he was sure he didn't want the night to end here.

After calling for a car, he shoved his phone inside the pocket of his slacks and turned to Alex.

"I was serious when I said I wanted a celebratory drink," he glanced apologetically to his side where she stood. "Our hotel bar offers my favorite scotch."

Alex raised her head, smiling. "Knew you had it in you, Gabe."

A car ride and a couple of glasses of Lagavulin later, there they were, lounging on stools at their opulent hotel bar, warm lights and jazz music providing a backdrop on the casual atmosphere.

"And I could not believe the rat thing worked! Who would've known they kept a rat in there as a pet? Like really?" Alex raised her glass to her lips, as Gabe sat on the barstool beside her, cradling his own drink.

"Beginner's luck, I would believe," he chuckled in reply, leaning forward, tie loosened and his coat hanging at the back of his chair.

"I am so offended," Alex gasped as she shoved her hands flat on her chest in mock disbelief. "I'm not only the boring nerd when I was in high school, Gabe. I was that nerd who sang and dance at the drama club!"

Gabe shook his head, his lips pursing. "That makes so much damn sense, Alex." He took another swig of his third shot, fighting for dear life from laughing his heart out. Not wanting to give her that satisfaction, he threw a sarcastic dig at her remark. "That's so believable, seeing you could snatch an Oscar from Meryl Streep herself and the no one wouldn't even bat an eye."

"Ah, law was plan A, sir." she saluted, placing her empty glass on the bar counter. "Acting was a fallback in case it didn't pan out." she giggled.

Gabe grinned as he rolled up his sleeves, beckoning the bartender for another round. "You should have made it your plan A, seeing how you turned out," he teased, bringing up the fun bit they did to retrieve a copy of Lydia Rothswell's marriage certificate. The very same act that almost made Gabe kiss Alex in the middle of The Strip.

"Aww, Gabe, finally found a better lawyer than you? Feeling threatened yet?" Alex leaned in, snickering as their glasses were refilled. "Don't worry, I' ll settle for being a Junior Partner for now," she said as she reclined, before throwing in a playful wink.

"Well someone's head just became bigger," he gave her a smug look.

"Just trying to keep up with all the cockiness in the room," she smiled coyly, watching Gabe's stupefied expression. It was clear then that she scored a slam dunk at the championship of comebacks, laughing at his astonishment.

Gabe finally gave up, joining Alex in her laughter. As their joy receded, he let himself take in the sight of Alex without any inhibitions. What he was beginning to see was the extent of her wit, her ability to keep her cool, and the sharp humor that matched only his.

Under the warm light of the lounge, she brilliantly shone. He couldn't focus at what she was now saying as he danced at the appeal of them becoming more than colleagues. Perhaps he resisted his own feelings long enough that he was past the point of denial. Or simply because he was starting to get drunk.

Though before he can even begin to consider that, he was still sober enough to know that he first needed to tell her the truth.

The truth that sometime long ago, their paths have already crossed. And that he did something very horrible.

Call him cynical, but he wasn't kidding when he admitted he was an all-or-nothing kind of guy. And that meant laying down all his cards on the table. Because for him, Alex was more than the occasional one-night stand. And he can't be certain of how long he could keep himself from his budding feelings, all stakes be damned.

What better time to be honest when there was enough alcohol in his system to prevent all rational thinking? It's now or never, he figured.

"Alex, I -"

"Alessandra? Alessandra Keating?" a deep voice came from behind him, interrupting Gabe. He cocked his head to get a clearer view, as a man with slicked back blonde hair approached from a private booth nearby.

Without hesitation, the tall stranger in the dark suit stepped forward, his striking features Gabe would have easily recognized anywhere. That face was almost in every blockbuster movie in the last five years.

"Julian? What are you doing here?" Alex asked, as abashed as he was. Gabe saw how she clammed up the very second she recognized the man.

"Oh my, it really is you!" the man stopped beside Alex's bar stool, welcoming himself to their company. The way he was looking up and down at her made Gabe's jaw clench so hard, his teeth gritted. But the man's next movement stunned him all the more. In front of him, the man embraced Alex, making Gabe suddenly want to combust. His tumbler could've shattered if he tightened his grip on it a little more.

"Uhm, Julian, hi," Gabe surveyed Alex as she writhed within the man's arms, waiting for any signal from her so he could do something, anything, to make this man go away. But she assured him with one look, shifting a little, making the man who wedged himself between them release her.

"It's been so long! When was the last time I saw you, like, 12, 13 years ago?" the man exclaimed, his annoying smile making Gabe want to slam his fist somewhere. And it wasn't on the bar counter.

Gabe heard Alex scoff, fighting hard to regain her composure. "Yeah, high school," Her icy demeanor took over, one that Gabe only saw in the courtroom. She brushed her dress as she tilted her head to Gabe's direction.

The man turned to Gabe, the surprise evident as he acknowledged Gabe's presence behind him. The two men sized each other up sending an undercurrent of tension between them. Before Gabe could even consider acting out of impulse, Alex cleared her throat to diffuse his temper.

"Julian, this is Gabe. Gabe, this is Julian, my -"

"Ex," Julian interjected, before turning his attention to the lawyer. Apparently, this guy had a habit, Gabe observed. "We were together senior year. Alessandra, my angel, we had the best time together, didn't we? We looked good together, at least after Alex thought to improve her image here. Sadly, we had to break up. Teenage romances, you know?"

The picture couldn't be any clearer; this was the person Alex was speaking about during their dinner back in New York. And hearing the way he talked, no wonder Julian got under her skin. He was a damned manipulative pretentious liar. Gabe could hear the dishonesty between the words, not an ounce of authenticity in sight while the blonde hotshot rambled on.

Alex wasn't showing any sympathy either, her brown eyes staring daggers at him, as he went on about his monologue, emphasizing on how she was his back then. She was clearly infuriated by his attempt to own her, as well as his lack of shame. As Gabe quietly considered her reaction, he deliberated on a strategy to put her out her misery. The moment an idea came to mind, he gave Alex a subtle look asking her to back his play.

Alex nodded, sitting a little straighter. Finding the instant shift in her, Gabe made his move.

"Sweetheart," he slowly raised his voice as he said the endearment, enjoying the contempt from the other guy when he was interrupted. "You never told me Julian Wintour was your ex."

Alex smiled smugly, appearing pleased with the nickname Gabe chose, a clear pun on the whole high school sweetheart trope. "Never crossed my mind, babe. It's such an unimportant detail in my past," she waved her hand dismissively.

"Ah, nonsense," he finished his drink and gestured for the bartender to clean up. "Mr. Wintour's history would have made a good conversation starter." Gabe straightened his vest and stood, collecting his coat. He sauntered towards Alex, circling around the now speechless Julian. He draped his jacket over her shoulders, clearly making a statement before he reached for her hand, wrapping it in his.

"Why? Isn't the shiny nameplate of Senior Partner not good enough?" Alex expertly rode along, locking eyes with her former flame before gazing back at Gabe enticingly. "Forgive him, Julian. My lovely boyfriend here has a bad hobby of underselling himself," she smiled warmly, the irony of her statement eluding her ex. Gabe was about to smirk with her ingenuity, stopping when he felt her arm slowly wrapping around his waist. He barely stifled a groan at the intimacy of her touch.

The other man went beet red at the gesture. For embarrassment or infuriation or both, Gabe didn't fucking care. All he cared about was for Alex to slap this douche's face, metaphorically speaking.

"Anyway, Julian, it's been a pleasure. It's been a long night, and we're about ready to retire at our penthouse suite," steadily, she got up from her seat. The command in her was undeniable, forcing anyone to feel nothing but regret the day they decided Alessandra Keating wasn't good enough for them. Then with a flourish, she turned around as she let Gabe take her away from her past lover's scrutinizing gaze.

Inside the elevator, Gabe caught Alex's exhale of relief, probably thankful that Julian was out of her sight. Gabe still held onto her hand, though Alex didn't seem to notice. As they began their ascent, he waited for her to break the silence, deciding that the questions running in his mind can wait.

"I would have traded my rankings for the look of disbelief in Julian's face," Alex said turning to him, to which Gabe arched his brow.

He smirked devilishly, knowing Alex could take the hint. "I believe I could offer a sight better than that."

She grinned at the innuendo, further lightening up the mood between them. "One day, Gabe, I'll take you up on that," she said, crossing her legs as she leaned on the polished wall behind her. "Though I'm sure you're dying to know... How did I end up dating the Julian Wintour?"

Gabe pondered before answering. "Hmm, actually not the first one that comes to mind, no." He tapped against his temple. "I doubted you would ever bat an eyelash to his direction."

Her eyebrows rose. "Ah, you think so highly of me." She chuckled, shaking her head at his reply. "But yes, he was my ex. And yes, he was the red on my ledger. He was my first love," she admitted. "That ideal, once in a lifetime, true love everyone's talking about? Julian was it, or at least I thought he was." she sighed, glancing at her reflection on the polished metal panel beside her. "But when things started to go downhill for me, he was the first one to walk out," she paused, taking a deep breath. "By cheating on me."

Gabe's body went rigid, clenching his fists so hard until his nails dug unto his palms. What the fucking hell? I know I should have punched that guy's perfect teeth! He decided against airing his vengeful thoughts, staying quiet as he glimpsed at her image on the walls.

"Joey reminded me how Julian made me doubt myself. If I'm really over what he's done to me, if he's still in my head," she continued, rubbing at her nape. Gabe felt her gaze fall on him, which he reciprocated. "But after walking out from him tonight, I am much more certain that I made it out, after all."

Gabe felt her squeeze his hand as she said those words, and his heart somersaulted inside his chest. "So thanks. I needed that little nudge," she said in finality.

He turned to beam at her as he relished the triumph in her words, hoping that it was enough to convey that he was proud of her. And to be part of that discovery about herself, about who she always was in his eyes - someone who was his equal.

When they arrived at her floor, she gently freed her hand from his grasp invoking a sharp exhale from him. She stepped out of the elevator, her gait as undeterred as ever. But then she turned, her soft expression dimmed by the lack of light. "And while we're on the subject of appreciation," she uttered, before dropping one last revelation.

"Thanks for that save you also gave me ten years ago," Alex glanced up at him with half-lidded eyes, her words laced with meaning.

It took him a few moments before he could even comprehend what she was trying to convey. He searched her eyes for some explanation but found none. "What do you mean, Alex?" he said, managing to find his voice.

"I know exactly who you are, Gabriel Ricci."

With that, the doors slowly closed in front of him, her sly smile fading from his sight until he can only see his own reflection. He examined her last sentence, repeating the words over and over in his head. There was only one plausible explanation: she only knew half of the truth. His body sagged against the wall as he shut his eyes, angry at himself.

No Alex, I think you really don't.

Author's Notes: Thank you for your continued reading! As some of you may have already noticed, this part was written purely in Gabe's POV because I wanted to expose his conflicted feelings for Alex. It's probably my own version of revenge, with PB stretching that slow burn as much as they could 🤭 Share your thoughts in the comments, I'd really appreciate it! 💖

Taglist: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @fucking-random1 @sarcastic01lily @spookycolorpeanut @ophrookie @suitfer

@choicesficwriterscreations

It's my first time tagging a couple of folks, so please inform me if I missed including you. Also, want to be added or removed from the tag list? No problem - just let me know 😊.

[practicalmagicintuitions]

HC reading

DISCLAIMER: If you will send me an Anon, I will answer the same tone as your ask, opinion is written.

All information and statements made in this reading or any other post of mine are all alleged until proven to be fact and for entertainment purposes & usage only. All information stated is based on my intuition and my tarot cards. Opinion only. The readings have no intention to cause any harm to the individuals, people featured in it.

Cards pulled on 19th September

I barely thought about the question The Moon and the 2 of Pentacles felt out. I was thinking a little because I haven’t thought about that question deeply yet, but I decided to keep that 2 cards as a summary of the reading and go back to it if I don’t understand something and the very end of the reading.

My question was how his next few weeks will look like.

Queen of Cups rx, Death rx,( clarified by the King of Cups and the Devil rx - both fell out so I kept both) 5 of Swords, 3 of Swords rx, 10 of Swords rx, Knight of cups rx

What I see is a lot of balancing, wanting something but resisting the change at the same time. Inner and outer battles.

Death rx could be many things one of it is resisting to change, something couldn’t come to its end. For example, a relationship is over but they cannot move on, stuck in. And I think they cannot really move on because they have some codependency between them (QofCrx). If this card represents a person, they are someone who cannot control their emotions, mood swings, hypersensitive to criticism etc. This also could mean heartbreak. I think the truth is the blend of this. There is this emotional insecurity and neediness that is not let something reach its end. Denying your own feeling to make someone else happy. New energies, new impulses don’t reach him and he is operating on those old ones that should be let go. He is somewhat lying to himself that he can juggle between new and old, that he can grow but can remain the same. On a physical level that could mean depression, sleep deprivation.

However, these two-card is facing each other like in a battle when the oppositions are ready to attack. So I think before he can move on or he can battle for some change he has to face the forces that don’t let him choose or move on (QofCrx. It could be another person or one part of himself) The next card is the 5 of Swords. 5 of S is a change, a battle, a battle coming to an end card and top of that his card suggests very strongly a bulling person or situation. Ungraceful win or mental suffering. With this card is very important that who you identified yourself with on the picture. The bigger figure, who won, who has a smug smile, who probably a bully and won unfairly, or the 2 little figures, who are defeated, humiliated, bullied. 

5ofS is losing the moral compass and integrity and I feel this could be a realization of his that he reached that point. He lost those things, his moral values and wants to break free (Devil rx) but he is stuck. Maybe he has to balance between his own mood swing or someone else’s. 

With those conflicting emotions, thoughts, I feel he is in an early phase of transition. This King (King of Cups) is emotionally responsible and with the Devil rx maybe he wants to break free from some emotional attachments. The King of C is the pleaser, the father figure, the dominant one so maybe somehow his father is playing some role in it.

Death rx is a very interesting card because if we think the upright is about rebirth the reverse should be about being stuck, not remain the same but Mary K Greer is saying this card could mean “emerging from the death” coming out from a stagnant period. (keep this meaning in your mind it will be important at the end!)  And I think the Devil rx is supporting this meaning but those cards as a whole suggest for me such an inner conflict, battling with yourself, what to do, what to decide. As the song says “ Should I stay or should I go”? 

5 of Sw, 3 of Sw rx, 10 of Sw rx, Knight of C rx

In this whole spread, there are cups and swords. Heart vs mind, emotions vs logic and a clear head

Both 3 and 10 of Sw rx means healing, escaping from something fatal (NOT necessarily in a death-life situation!! more like on an emotional, metaphysical level as Death card doesn’t mean physical death ), the swords are falling out. But that doesn’t mean the experiences or the process is not painful. Oh boy… it is, it is painful. but instead of the light end of the tunnel is a train it’s like…. we can still have hope it’s not a train. 

What a little worries me is the Knight of Cups rx because this is again, juggling, mood swings between seeing the positive aspect of this or feeling sulky and moody. With this RX  knight the problem is that he is overly romantic, daydreaming or the opposite, he feels everyone is leaving him and reject him. He is in emotional turmoil. And I feel even he won his inner battles and start to heal he will check back to the past. Not necessarily reconnect with an old flame but starting to live in the past and asking “what if…?” and starting to replay the past decisions, emotions and those are not healthy.  I think all of those will leave him emotionally insecure and confused. 

The relationship now (at the time of the reading)

2 cards felt out face down and when I flipped the first it was the Lovers. And I was WOW that is something new, how exciting, second was the World rx. I pulled 2 clarifications on the Lovers: the Empress rx and the Strength. First, let’s see these 4 cards. 

When I was thinking about the Lovers card’s sudden appearance after 6 months in the first time I felt (because of the other cards) that some seducing going on like they were doing it when I pulled the cards or some other games were going on like she was trying to convince him about something and she was seducing him to get what she wants.

The World rx is unfinished business, no closure, something is not finished yet, unfulfillment. 

I think she (because Emprx is always her in my readings) feels that this relationship is not dead yet or she is not ready to give up. Look at the Strength card. There is a woman, taming a lion, a beast with her, kindness, will, determination etc. This card is also the first card in the second set of sevens we can separate the Major arcana (1-7, 8-14, 15-21), so it could mean a new chapter too. I feel this is what she wants very badly. However, in this situation, the question is who has the real strength? Maybe she is on her way to use convincing tactics but in real life, she wants something HC has or something that she cannot get if he doesn’t want to give. And I think this is the relationship itself or some aspect of it.  

The World rx  is still not a bad card could mean success but that success is not what you wanted or how you imagines it. There is a serious anticlimax here. And it’s a very short-lived success, if at all. So no matter what female tactics she uses for keeping alive the relationship if HC doesn’t want to give the relationship another round, she can do anything, she won’t succeed.

On a very direct level, it could mean that the whole world is watching them and she feels the pressure of it “the world’s burden on her shoulders” Maybe there is a lost connection and she wants to make up this with sex or being physical. 

With the Emp rx and the Strength, I see a serious manipulation going on. 

The rest of this spread is The High Priestess, 2 of Swords rx, Ace of wands rx. If you want to imagine the “spread” it’s 5 cards, HP in the middle, on the left the Lovers ( without signifiers) and the World rx, on the right the 2ofSrx, AceofWrx .

Why is this important? I am studying the HP atm because for me this is the most fascinating card, I always have a hard time interpreting. Many people saying this is a secretive woman, someone with secrets etc...I think this is such a simplifying way to handle this card. HP is not secretive in a gossipy, mean girl way or someone who is cheating etc. She doesn’t share her knowledge because we are not ready, not because she is enjoying that she knows something we don’t. She is a gatekeeper. On the card, she is sitting before a veil (veil between the worlds), she has some sacred text in her lap. In the RWS deck, this is the Tora, in my personal deck, this is the Book of Shadows. She is aware of those deep truths, ancient knowledge. This is not some simple secret or gossip.The High Priestess wisdom in the light in the Hermit’s lamp that separates him from the complete darkness and shows him the path he has to choose.  On the veil, there are pomegranates that link her to Persephone whose faith was living between two worlds. She keeps those worlds apart.  (this was my short essay on The High Priestess for you,welcome :D )

So what is the significance of all of this? That I think in the spread THP separates the thing NV wants to achieve and the truth or the thing she wants to avoid. On the left there is the manipulation, the seducing, trying to tame the beast, trying to make it sexual again on the right distance in a relationship, cold heart, love cannot come through because of the crossed swords, no sexual desire (Ace of Wrx). A of Wrx is infertility, impotency or not wanting the other sexually anymore. This card upright is a phallic symbol that’s why it is connected to sexuality, fertility, pregnancy, in reverse not just the lack of this but a thumb down too. It’s like giving a thumb down to the relationship and this is not just an “ I don’t like something”.In ancient times that means a death sentence to gladiators. It’s like the death sentence of this relationship. And I feel very symbolic that the first card was the Lovers and the last is this in this spread. A polar opposite in meaning that is separated by THP. The HP is not passive, he is the epitome of eternal stillness, the boundaries between two extremes. I feel this relationship like the whole reading is about duality ( 2ofPent, 2ofSw, THP, Judgment) as the first row of this reading, swords vs cups, mind vs emotions. These two things are battling in him.

The outcome of this relationship

Judgment, 3 of cups rx.

Numerologically the Judgment (XX 20=2+0=2)

On the Judgment card, an angel blows her trumpet and people rise up from their coffins. Do you remember what I said about the Death rx?  That one meaning of this is “emerging from the death”. Clarity, decision made, realization, powerful understanding. Also means huge transformation. In a relationship could be a Karmic connection. With the 3ofC rx is the realisation that the relationship is no fun anymore. More work than joy. I don’t mean “it’s a pr “, I mean their time together is less fun more work in the relationship. Or no matter how much they try the fun is just lost.( for example they can have sex, the real desire is gone) Also, this is the drinking card so maybe the realisation they over partied and drank way too much in this relationship and they don’t like each other that much if they are sober. Also could mean infidelity or a third weel in not necessarily a cheating sense, for example, one of them has a friend/parent etc and that person is so involved and present in the relationship that the other feels it’s a third party in this. This card also means no reconnection, mistrust.

I think the theme of this relationship and his next few weeks is balancing and trying to conquer himself. Battling between mind and heart, logic reason and emotions. 

This reading has a 2nd part, I pulled some cards on 30th.

For now, I will only reveal from that reading one thing. I asked about timing and breakup. I got the 5 of Swords. So this card means October 3 times. How is this possible? 

1.Methond - days, weeks, months, years

Swords are weeks, so this card means 5 weeks from 19th September

2.Method Seasons

Swords means Autumn. October is Autumn.

3.Method Astrological corresponds

Swords : Air signs. Gemini, Libra, Aquarius. 

Libra is September 23 – October 22. 

However, I felt I need a 2nd card, a clarification. It was the Hanged Man. This means, delays, no time period available. I interpret this as the break up will happen in October but we won’t know about it for a while. And yes, I am prepared that she or someone maybe reading this and they will organize something in October, but this doesn’t change the fact that I am getting October SINCE April. That’s why I said in a previous ask that, this is a joke from Universe if they won’t break up in October. 

I hope you enjoyed this reading.

Be blessed. :) 

[officialleotolstoy]

So how about that aro Pierre elaboration? <3

Yes absolutely!!

Disclaimer this only applies to Great Comet!Pierre. I have thots on arospec W&P Pierre too but they’re very different

The line that really tipped me off to this is in Dust and Ashes, where he says “but if I die here tonight/I die in my sleep” in the context of “they say we are asleep until we fall in love”. The implication here being that Pierre hasn’t fallen in love. You could argue that he’s just not in love right now, but the phrasing kind of implies it’s a one-time awakening that Pierre hasn’t gone through yet. This makes sense in the context of the play, where the only “romantic” relationship he’s ever said to have/tried to have is with Hélène, whom he’s very clearly not in love with.

To me, Dust and Ashes is about mental illness (duh) but also the fear that you’ll never fall in love/haven’t fallen in love so there’s something wrong with you and you won’t be whole until you do, and that in the context of aro Pierre makes my head spin a little! Also this coming directly after Dolokhov tells him “you can’t love her” so jeeringly in The Duel…I like to think that really hit Pierre where it hurts, especially the use of the word can’t - not won’t, not don’t, but can’t. It’s not possible for Pierre, and that really messes with him. (Obviously that’s not an excuse for his treatment of her! And I am aware that’s probably not what the line was intended to mean but I’m rubbing my grubby little aroace hands all over it and there’s nothing you can do about it).

So Act One Pierre’s aro-ness is really very much “oh my gosh there’s something wrong with me and I’ll never be whole because I haven’t loved romantically”. Act Two is the good part :)

The “if I were not myself etc etc” speech is likely intended to be some profession of romantic love, and most people take it as such, but I don’t because I’m smarter and cooler and have better takes than everyone else (/j) and I will aro and/or ace-ify anything I can get my hands on. It’s especially thrilling to take the romantic climax of a piece of media and be like mmmmm no :) this is platonic now :) cause i said so :). So! The important bit of that speech to me is the “if I were not myself” part of the line. Though Pierre doesn’t say it, there’s an unspoken “but I can’t” at the end of his confession, and that’s what I focus on. That part of the line is certainly supposed to be “oh I’m not good enough for you!1!1!” But what if I just decided it was “I literally physically cannot” because I wanted it to mean that, what are you gonna do then?

I do not like Pierretasha for a myriad of reasons, so I like to kind of forcibly reframe that confession as “I care about you and trust you enough that if I was someone else who was in love with you, I would absolutely be okay with marrying you right now”. It’s an expression of trust in Natasha, not of romantic love for her. He’s just using marriage as the example because that’s what’s on her mind at the moment.

(Of course, all of this falls apart in the context of the book but the wonderful thing about the play is we don’t have any of that hanging around to mess stuff up)

“But Wren!” You cry, “If Pierre cares about her platonically, why is he so obsessed with it? Why does he think it heals him? Why all the callbacks to his inability to really feel at the beginning?” (Digression, my favorite one is “frozen at the center” in Pierre vs “my newly melted heart” in Great Comet of 1812).

But that’s the best part!!! The arc I have in my head is that Pierre has learned that romantic love is NOT the pinnacle of feeling and the purpose of existence. It’s okay if he doesn’t ever feel that! He’s kind, generous, warmhearted, and loves platonically, and that’s fine. He doesn’t need anything else to be a complete person. Seeing Natasha like that affects him so strongly because he realizes oh wow… I can take care of her and care about her so much and it’s platonic, I don’t need to feel romantic love to be worth something. And it sticks with him because it’s a pivotal moment in his self-perception. He gets to go from loathing himself for not being something he can’t even be in the first place to loving the way he loves!

You can imagine why that makes me, an aroace person, go a little bit insane. I think more arcs of platonic love and the importance of that are desperately needed in media, and I would love to see that more.

(Again, I realize this was not the play’s intention and I am purposely interpreting these lyrics weirdly. I don’t think this is the only reading, or even the “canon” one but when you’ve only seen yourself explicitly represented once in fiction, you get really really good at scrounging up crumbs!)

[tundrainafrica]

Hi Sav,

I want to ask your opinion about aot in general. We know that Aot is a good show and has great stories.

But, do you have any critiques on aot? I'd love to know...

Thank you in advance 😄

Thank you for the ask! I actually am a serial complainer so I LOVE LOVE LOVE answering things like this because I have complaints about a lot of things lmao.

At the same time though, I’m answering this as a Levihan fan.

Occasionally, I would see AOT material and feel this strange disconnect because I think I’ve read and written too much fanfiction that when I actually see AOT material, I’m like ‘wait oh right, Levi and Hange came from there....”

To answer your question though, here are my general complaints about ATOT as a whole.

The general reason why I kinda feel strongly about the story telling being REALLY weak towards the end is because AOT started strong. Like, I’m sure most people can agree that in the anime at least, or maybe in most parts of the manga as well. every panel, every scene HAD purpose, which adds to the overall quality of the writing and the pacing.

The plot twist and the change in genre was also built really well. Yams left enough to speculate and he also created this story where every scene had a purpose in building the overall plot, the plot twists were done incredibly well. He cleverly planted all the hints, most readers wouldn’t have been able to pick up which was created some really great rewatch value for the previous seasons.

Character death wise, he was also incredibly trigger happy but all of the deaths seemed to have had a purpose anyway so I wasn’t too salty about all the characters dying. And most important characters who died anyway, died for one reason, to introduce a villain or to signal an end of an age, or there was a huge build up/foreshadowing leading towards the death which made it stomachable.

Towards the end though, Yams wasn’t writing to actually build some plot twist anymore. He actually had to pull at the threads of every single plot point he planted and write some semblance ending.

No ending can satisfy everyone but for me, a quality ending is supposed to tie all the loose ends in some tight logic manner which Yams low key KINDA failed to do. This explains why when the purpose of writing ‘changed’ from setting up AOT for a major plot twist and a genre shift to actually tying all the loose ends, the quality of writing kinda diminished.

With the amount of questions left unanswered, I can’t help but think Yams was in a hurry to just end the damn thing. (But really, I’m not too blah about it, because the story telling and world building was great overall, it’s just the ending which left a lot to be desired. At least, it’s not ‘Game of Thrones’ BAD lmao)

Tight Story Telling

Story telling is supposed to have a purpose. Every scene, every death, every scene leading to the finale is supposed to have a damn purpsoe and literally, it’s been months and I still think about Hange’s death as one of the most pointless plot developments in AOT.

HANGE DIDN’T. THEY LITERALLY JUST DIED. And every day, I literally try to fathom why the hell, Yams had to kill her, and I have speculations about it. The strongest one being the fact that Yams didn’t know what to do with Hange towards the end of the show and he needed to kill someone to prove the gravity of the situation I guess. And I guess Hange was the best option since she was old or something or she was just so difficult to write that Yams decided to kill them?

And I dunno it just seems like an asspull.

And Hange’s death wasn’t built up at all. Like there were no signs, there was nothing, no character arc which could have made it stomachable so Hange’s death just seems like lazy writing to me tbh and I kinda take it slightly personally because most casual readers I know tend to gloss over Hange’s death?? Which kinda diminished Hange’s character as a whole

And I thought about who could have died other than Hange and I realized, no one was built up to die in that scene? Or there wouldn’t have been anyone in that scene who I would have been okay with dying? Which kinda points to the fact that maybe Yams just didn't prepare properly for that death scene?

Which brings me to my next point.

Consistency of Characters

If a character is prepared for greatness, it doesn’t make any damn sense to put them through shit and kill them in some anti climactic way (Like Circe in GOT style)

And at the same time, most people might not agree with me here but I guess it kinda doesn’t make sense for me to see Eren redeemed at the end for the sake of love? Or him having to do everything for the sake of JUST the love with Mikasa?

It makes sense, I have to admit, there were plot points which hinted to the really strong bond between Mikasa and Eren but destroying the whole world FOR Mikasa? All I’m getting from this is Eren is just some crazy psycho who is overly obsessed with a girl that he tries to destroy the world and his sacrifice was in vain anyway because the world was kinda messed up too.

I personally think it would have been way more stomachable if Yams just highlighted everyone as a whole instead? Like it seems much more believable for me to think that Eren reached points of irredeemable or maybe if Yams just highlighted the fact that Eren did it for EVERYONE, not just for Mikasa. Because I think with the way that Yams wrote it (putting emphasis on Eren’s relationship with Mikasa), most casual readers would gloss over the fact that Eren had no choice. If he didn’t do the rumbling, Paradis would have been overrun.

Mikasa being there and her relationship with Eren WAS built up from the start so it has some place in the ending. But to put it at the centerpiece instead of Eren’s relationship with the whole Paradis which would have kinda made Eren’s decision to just ‘genocide’ everyone make more sense.

Some parts of the ending kinda remind me of weathering with you and I have a lot of beef with that movie.

Which brings me to my next point:

Values Dissonance (????)

Whenever I read or finish something, the final question I ask myself is ‘so what? what is this piece of media trying to tell me?”

For AOT, I think the most glaring message is ‘the cycle of hatred always continues,’ but I don't think that the message was properly built up? Yams went through the love, the relationships and he highlighted them too brightly for me to even properly stomach the 'cycle of hatred' message as the main one.

It seemed like, towards the end he was jumping from one message to the other in a low key sloppy way and there was no consistent message in all of them.

What was Eren’s purpose? What was the purpose of his sacrifice? What was the purpose of the sacrifice everyone was making?

If Isayama’s whole intention was to tell us that the sacrifice was meaningless and the cycle of hatred continues, I feel like there were better ways to build this up than to dangle ‘love’ in front of us and as the centerpiece of the genocide and the finale before the extra pages in some way where it wasn’t even properly built up in the first place.

That 180 from 'okay Eren did all these stuff out of love’ which is kinda overly mushy and kinda crazy already mushy way and suddenly create this message like the ‘world is doomed, seems like a sloppily placed 'plot twist' to me. Like the type of plot twists authors just put to surprise the reader but it doens't seem well thought out in the first place.

Why highlight something as hopeful as love and make Eren start the war over it when you’re just going to create some major dissonance with a plot twist. Like with the values Yams was highllighting towards the end, I feel like it was a roller coaster with a lot of abrupt twists and turns and there was no time to really reflect on the overall message because he was highlighting too many opposing points at once with no clear thread connecting all of them

I don’t know if I make any sense here haha but yeah, those are my general complaints with AOT as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I love AOT as a whole but I guess like all shows it has its flaws especially towards the ending.

And hey Yams, still made Levi and Hange and I think anyone who built a world complex enough to inspire others to write fanfiction and draw fanart is a good author either way.

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts on what I remember from reading but I have been trying to forget a lot of the plot points so I can enjoy it again when the anime comes out. My thoughts might change depending on what I think after rewatching.