#dignity that's the closest i can think of LMAO

[themanwhomadeamonster]

1-6 for the artist ask :)

OUGH THANK U!!!! ask meme can be found here hehe go ask me some more q's ;))))))

1. Art programs you have but don’t use

uhhh none? maybe ibispaint on my phone? its more of a last resort thing if i have no paper on me and i'm outside

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

i don't mind either way but i think i subconsciously tend to draw ppl facing the right more? I HATE DRAWING PPL STRAIGHT FORWARD THO I HATE THE SUBJECT STARING AT ME AND I HATE HAVING TO COMMIT TO SYMMETRY

3. What ideas come from when you were little

i used to draw character designs so still the same! also anime

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw

OKAY SO they're my most recent oc that i've grown fond of so i'm gonna talk about them: i do find drawing my rift knight oc rather difficult bc of their armour which is why i tend to draw them nakey even though i rly love drawing them with their cloak asjfghkdhkj.

when it comes to real life ppl ik ur probably tired of me bringing him up but gael garcía bernal is VERY difficult for me to draw because of his lips 🙃 stupid sexy flanders moment

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH for every 20ish drawings i make, i only post 1 :') it's either due to me disliking the end result or s h a m e. i do tend to share art more if it's through dms and the like. Do Not Perceive Me.

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

i tend to get comments that my ocs resemble dark souls characters, that's one that i actually find annoying to hear :P esp with my rift knight oc, they're just an edgy-looking knight who's actually really affectionate :'(

even though i've stopped drawing and watching anime i think it shows pretty obviously in my art that i used to be into it.

i think ppl can kinda recognise that i'm into maws and fangs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[webbo0]

Prodigal Doll

Goose Boys Mafia AU

AO3 Link

Length: 753 words (short and not sweet)

Summary: Nobody ever expected Ken to join the family business, but when he's caught in the middle of a war he knows nothing about, the other boys have to pick up the pieces.

Content/Warning: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Hurt/barely comfort

Authors Note: I don't even remember how this started lol

I think I saw those Tag Heuer photoshoot pics that look like Ken but as Six?

Anyways I have a LOT of lore ideas and a whole arc for Ken in this, but god only knows if I can actually write it ugh

Also I'm not sorry lmao

“He’s… changed”

“ Don’t say that”

“Look at him!”

“Shut the fuck up, Richard”

Gathered, the men stare at Ken.

Whenever he used to be scared, he was loud (it was a liability sometimes, all the shrieking and sobbing). But now, he’s silent. Tear stains cut clean lines through the filth and gore on his cheeks, but none fall from his eyes. Not anymore.

He’s… vacant. Not like Driver, his stare always intense, or like Julian, always lost in thought. No. He’s just. Empty.

Six and Lars are sanitizing and bandaging his wounds. Slashes on his chest, burns on his limbs, bruises scattered on every inch of available skin like a fucking Jackson Pollock, and blood from god knows who and god knows where drenching his scarily pale skin and platinum blonde hair. He doesn’t flinch, doesn't move at all, even when Six gently murmurs that he needs to reset his shoulder. The bone grinding into place would have even the toughest of men gritting their teeth in pain, but Ken just sits there. Disconnected from the world. Lars is delicately cleaning the blood off of him, swallowing tears of his own while dabbing a warm cloth over his exposed skin. 

Ken wears nothing but a ragged pair of boxers stained with fluids nobody wants to think too hard about (just like they found him). He hasn’t said a word since they found him, but Lars finally gets a reaction out of him. He’s shakingly whispering to Ken that they need to remove his old shorts to wash him off and get him into something clean, but when his hand goes towards the waistband an explosion of movement happens. Ken bolts away from the men, scrambling to the closest wall and pressing his back to it. His voice is raw and venomous as he roars at the surrounding men.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” 

Everyone in the room freezes because Ken never curses. All eyes are on him, the torn and bloodied nails on his hands scratching at the brick wall, the bloody trail of footprints he makes, his heaving chest, and his frantic, darting, unseeing eyes. Blood drips down his inner thigh.

“I think I’m gonna be sick” 

“He needs a professional, guys, we can only do so much”

“Oh yeah, get the cops involved that’s smart”

“I thought I told you to shut the fuck-”

“Everybody out.”

The room silences once again, save for some muffled sobs and Ken's rapid breath. All eyes now turn to the man who spoke, the man in charge . His white jacket is splattered with blood, and a fire rages behind his cold, blue gaze.

“... are you sure we should leave him like this?”

“Six stays, the rest of you leave. He’s in no state for visitors. Every man is allowed some dignity.”

The room empties without protest, save for Ken, Six, Driver, and Julian. Julian didn’t need to ask to stay (not that he would have). Wherever Driver goes, he goes.

“Why am I staying?”

“You have the most combat-medic training. And. You can… restrain him if you need to.”

The rage in Driver’s eyes slips, showing for a brief moment deep, soul-wrenching anguish before he clenches his gloved fists and returns to his default neutral, intense stare. 

“I expect a complete injury report once he’s patched up. Ask Julian if you need any extra supplies. I have to go deal with the rest of this shit storm.”

He turns to leave, but pauses, glancing back over his shoulder.

“And Six?”

Six stands at attention, ready to receive orders.

“...be gentle.”

Six nods once in affirmation and Driver lets his head hang down, taking a deep breath before straightening his spine and closing the door quietly behind him. The room was now solely occupied by the three men left there.

Julian, standing and waiting by the door. Both ready to retrieve any necessary items and guarding against any poor fool that might try and interrupt them.

Six, shoulders sagged and ruffling through a medkit.

And Ken, who had slid to the floor, legs finally giving out, but the wild look in his eye still shining.

And it wasn’t until Six slowly approaches (the same way he did when he freed a wild deer from a beartrap as a kid), sinking to his knees, gently carding his hands through his blood-matted platinum hair and softly reassuring him that you’re safe now, you’re safe, we got you back that Ken starts trembling, a tear finally slipping from his eye.

[thetransfemininereview]

Not exactly @spursthatjeangle but that sounds neat! Also I’m glad you asked cause it means I can monologue about my favorite tropes lol.

So like, one of my absolute favorite genres of fiction is the psychological romance. And I mean that in the sense that it’s a romance novel that takes a brutal or honest look at an unhealthy relationship dynamic, yet still manages to treat its characters with dignity and compassion anyway.

With transfemme fic, you get lots of unhealthy relationship dynamics, but almost none of them learn to strike this balance. And part of that I think is that healthy relationships and trans women don’t always go together like peanut butter and jelly, and it’s like,, that’s hard to write if you’ve never experienced it. Basically my issue is that I like reading stories about couples who learn and grow together and who find ways to become better for each other, and almost nothing I’ve read from a trans author does it while also portraying a relationship with real unique challenges or struggles.

So you get a lot of friends to lovers or enemies to lovers or whatever, but there’s no real psychological dimension to any degree. It’s not dark, it’s not challenging, it doesn’t make you question how and why we love, it’s just romance straight down the middle with a little bit of Trans(tm) for spice. For the Love of April French is a good example of this, like I’m sorry, but for a BDSM romance about a het couple with a trans girl, it’s so vanilla lol. Characters have internal struggle but like, it’s everyday stuff, albeit through a BDSM and Trans-Positive lens.

Then you’ve got what’s probably the biggest category, which is incredibly fucked up relationships that get so thoroughly drenched with the UWU skirt go spinny juice that it’s unclear whether the author even thinks it’s fucked up or not. Like a LOT of Eggfic is like this. Like “lmao I just enslaved you and broke your mind but it’s okay cause we’re cuddling now.” I won’t lie and say that I don’t enjoy that occasionally, but seeing the same thing repeated as nauseum becomes, well, nauseating. It’s the worst aspect of Eggfic imo, where the fluffy vibes go from comfort food to aenesthesia that completely deadens you to any actual commentary or meaning.

And then you get your takes where it’s fucked, the author knows it’s fucked, and everyone is enjoying it. This falls into like, two categories. On one hand, you get the Dorleys and Human Domestication Guides of the world, where these extremely fucked social dynamics become like their own societal microcosms, microfantasies that operate under fantasy rules. A lot of TG/TF goes here too. So basically fic where the author is enjoying it and the characters are also enjoying it. And like, cool, you do you, but that’s not romance - it’s speculative fiction. Then the second category is like, the authors are enjoying it and the characters are NOT enjoying it, and that’s just like… extreme horror that’s taking pleasure in making the blorbos destroy each other. The Fluids of the world. And there’s an argument to be made that Fluids is a romance, but like, it’s not really what I want in a romance?? Like I want a romance where I can conceive of myself in the characters shoes. That’s a big part of romance for me, wish fulfillment.

Weirdly the book that came closest to scratching this niche for me might be Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt??? Like everything about Ila and Alice’s relationship is fucked to hell and back, but it’s so compassionately written and envisioned and the ending carries such radical hope. But also like,,, it’s a fucking horror novel. There’s a three page 4chan Nazi screed about pigs and Umberto Eco quotes. That’s not something I’m looking for when I want a romance novel lol.

There are two primary tropes I want in my psychological romance novels:

Firstly, realism. In full honesty, I don’t think trans literature has even begun to grapple with the systemic impact of mental health issues within the community. And like, I don’t mean that in the sense that it’s not depicted, but like, half the time it’s either shrugged off of the character gets fridged. Again, horror novels are the only place that I think I’ve seen a real substantive treatment of trans mental health issues.

And I get it, it’s hard. So many people go through real shit on a daily basis and don’t want that in their fiction. But like, it’s a conversation that needs to be happening and it largely isn’t. The Third Person by Emma Grove is another good example of a book that gets this right, but like, that’s a memoir. Still not a romance. There’s a time and place for escapism, but when every book is either “haha were not gonna worry about that” or “this is horrible and inescapable and everyone involved will suffer then die” it gets pretty damn exhausting.

Which segues neatly into my second point, which is hope. For me, a great romance needs to have a fundamental core of hope, and so many of the books I read, especially ones that try to do psychological, is a complete lack of it. Equally frustrating to me is the complete refusal of most Eggfic to breach any real impactful topic or challenging inner truth, because the aversion as such seems to be just as much a product of the mindset that it’s all just a bleak inevitability (transphobia, violence, etc.) as the novels that burn their characters to cinders and piss on their graves.

Like I’ve read so much Eggfic and other trans novels that fall into these various pitfalls. They’re not bad books, it’s just boring, cause there’s no stakes and no payoff.

I know this is a very picky perspective. I’ll be the first to tell you that despite my omnivorous reading habits, I’m rather selective when it comes to books I actually love. But I think that, even removing my personal taste from the issue, there’s a broader critique about trans tropes and genres to be made that one might be able to extrapolate this toward.

“Man, I wish I had something trans to read,” I think to myself, sitting less than five feet away from a pile of twenty trans books I haven’t read yet

[nymphacae]

A LEGEND in the Rymin fic community loves my fics?? I’m gonna cry /lh /gen

Also might I ask what your headcanons for the silly lil guys are? It’s always interesting to hear how other people interpret these lovable music dweebs.

ahhh i have a LOT of headcanons and it feels like a lot of them vary based on which AU/story i'm working with, hc's are a lot like trying on clothes at thrift stores for me — sometimes you just wanna try a new one out for size and think 'hm!' @ the mirror, it's what makes community engagement so much fun imo !

but i will ATTEMPT to narrow down some of the constants i find when working with rymin and ones that aren't, yknow, confined to specific AUs — although i'm sure if you're familiar with paper trails, you know some of these already lmao

RYAN

HE LOVES REPTILES. You HAVE to know this about me by now but i push ryan lizard propaganda like my life DEPENDS on it!!! He loves bearded dragons in particular – his favorite girl is named Spitfire and she’s a proud lesbian (min in the bg telling ryan to stop pushing a sexuality on her, but he’s ignored). But he loves snakes too, and spiders and lizards…I imagine he names them all after musicians for funsies, spitfire just happened to break that code for me bc i liked the name too much lol

Second thing people probably know about me is how hard i push anti-beatles ryan akagi bc it’s true

He picked up a habit of smoking on the road and he’s since then quit – going cold turkey after getting abducted by a train will tend to break that habit

His sibling’s names, in order, are Alexa, Miya, Ethan, and Eikoh. Both his sisters kinda had to mother him; though he’s closest to Miya (who’s an interior design/textiles major, also engaged) bc Alexa had a severe case of eldest daughter syndrome and it made her pretty snippy – she also fled the nest the second she could and only really calls to yell into the receiver about her job and secret girlfriend

Ryan’s a Schrodinger’s Gender situation for me, so it fluctuates often just based on what story i’m telling. In the AUs/stories where he’s transmasc, ryan names himself after a homeless guy named Ryan who’d sit outside his family’s local supermarket and play a sick riff. One day baby ryan spotted him throw a banana peel at a police officer was chasing him (for dignity’s sake, he always tells friends he was just inspired by ryan roxie, the guitarist)

(also in these AUs, he has insanely intense cycles due to the cursed cocktail of anemia/endometriosis, which leads to minor complications when he’s on the road and can’t afford T/birth control anymore. It’s a whole Thing, he had to be hospitalized for it at age 13 and the doctors basically shrugged, as doctors do. I’ve wanted to explore this caveat before but never found the time, oh well)

also shoutout to prism who engraved 'pt ryan transfem' into my brain you were so real for that

his specific mental diagnosis is also a roulette wheel based on what story im working with, shrug. idk who said that min is adhd in an autistic way and ryan is autistic in an adhd way, but whoever said that changed my life so ty and you're right!! i also lean towards him having/on the watchlist for forming bpd - looking back on pt i believe he showed signs of bipolar disorder

Tulip and Ryan are bffs. I’m not budging on this. They make friendship bracelets and play mario kart and sing karaoke and ryan does her hair bc lake won’t do Femme Things™ with her anymore and they love each other SO Much

Ryan’s acespec; I touch on this whenever I can, but this plays a Big role in his relationship with the music industry. Sex Drugs And Rock N’ Roll is a subculture he could never fit into for a plethora of reasons, and it was another way he felt isolated while going solo due to all the aggressive expectations. He’s sex-POSITIVE, bc it’s important to me to shed the stupid ‘asexuals are all sex-repulsed puritans’ agenda i see being spread sometimes. He thinks it’s fun, and with the right person it is!

He's the one who gets carsick/boatsick and is terrified of flying

He's really into boozy cocktails but he'll pretend he isn’t — he likes tequila and vodka which is funny bc i picture his favorite drink to be like a hurricane or sex on the beach

He's lost a lot of friends by reviewing their mixtapes

He really gets into making pastries and desserts farther down the line! Depending on the timeline this could be a hobby encouraged by a therapist or just an interest he picks up naturally, with min always finding comfort in food and cooking himself

MIN-GI

His mom’s name is Soo-yeon and his dad is Tae-hyun. He visits Jeju-si in the summer since his mom has two sisters living there

Min loves helping his mom around the kitchen/folding laundry. His parents have a huge garden out back with flowers and some veggies, and he likes harvesting from there when his mom lets him (she’s very picky about who touches her flowers!)

Plants are min’s comfort item; they’re basically to him what reptiles are to ryan! He’d cover the entire van/flat with them if he could, he loves succulents in particular and he likes to sing to them

He’s a HUGE dog person!! Whenever he’d come visit the Akagi’s he’d make an IMMEDIATE beeline for the family dog; however when his mom bought a Pomeranian to cure her empty nest syndrome, he despises it (for comedic purposes he only addresses his mother's dog as The Dog)

He leans more on the side of whiskey in drinks; he also likes gin. His taste in alcohol is definitely WAY stronger than ryan’s, less diluted with flavors, but both have the same level of tolerance. he enjoys a good sazerac

He’s a dark chocolate kinda guy

He won the spelling bee in grade four

Once he travels with Ryan and becomes more comfortable with his identity, I think he'd experiment with gender and appearance. while i enjoy seeing gender hc's for My Lads, for me and my writing it's nice to work with a min-gi who embarks on a gender journey and comes back deciding he likes being a cis guy just fine. not that this affects him playing with makeup or clothes lol, also if he were to wear skirts at all they'd be long and loose

Wherever I can apply it, Simon and Min are always gonna be roommates who are stuck in a perpetual loop of basically reenacting that always sunny ‘mac and dennis move to the suburbs’ episode

He looks up to Grace a lot; she’s kinda The Mentor Friend who intimidates you just enough for you to get your shit together, and outside of Kez he'd consider Jesse his closest friend

He loves cooking! He likes making hearty meals for his friends, and he especially enjoys teaching them how to cook if they’re curious

Big ol ADHD mess over here, an icon

He’s the one that most comfortable with his identity, which is very funny to me seeing how he’s the one that casually accepts ‘queer’ as his label while Ryan keeps picking terms out of a hat and then furiously stomping on the slip of paper lmao. Mins just chillin, he likes who he is and he’s not about to challenge that 🤷‍♀️

FOR BOTH:

-ryan's got the cold hands and min's got the warm hands

-they’re both qpps with kez bc it’s important

-min's the one who chugs down coffee like it's water, and ryan likes fancy coffees, but he's more of a tea person lmao (lots of sugar though)

-they both have bad tattoos

-in modern era, they’d do the neurodivergent Thing of assigning everyone they know pokemon teams – they’d be HUGE pokemon fans and would trade cards/art all the time (to discuss their pokemon teams with me would initiate an entirely different conversation……..)

-i've gotten into Agree To Disagree disputes with mutuals over this but i stand by 'min's the one with the 13-in-1 wash and ryan has 12 different hair care products' bc Neurodivergence(tm)

-they both smoke weed and will ruthlessly roast your spotify playlists

I’m hosting a friend rn so uhhh hopefully this suffices

[seelestia]

oh

oh dear

AYATO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WITTLE CHAOTIC SAMOYED PUPPY OF A COUSIN YOU-

ahem.

my, thank you for the warm welcome, dearest cousin. it is good to be back.

yes, i have safely returned to my abode. as tiring as the journey was, it was a very rewarding experience. catching up with old friends is always a lovely occasion to have, is it not? i was honestly overjoyed to see one of my closest friend's union to her beloved; were it not for the copious amount of make-ups and the hours we put into beautifying our faces, i know i and my other friend would have broken down into a pair of bawling bridesmaids. alas i got to keep my wits and dignity after a tremendous effort on my part. ah, how time flies...

indeed, i am very pleased to see that they have taken a faster action compared to before. how joyous, we ought to celebrate this somehow!

his joints might crack and make undignified noises every now and then but the gracefulness of his movements will fool you into thinking that he is a man in his prime. and yes, it seems like we are drawn to that aspect of familiarity indeed! which is a logical conclusion, to be honest.

to this day i still can't believe he's my most compliant characters in terms of coming home. my husband on the other hand... *crosses arms and gives zhongli a disapproving glare*

my my, it seems like i'm seeing a side of you that you've kept hidden this whole time now. i have a feeling your boyfriend has a hand to play in this... what a bad influence, i ought to give him some stern talking.

the forest ranger's sabotage is a welcome one, i say. he is quite a fun character to play, is he not? i can only wish upon the stars and pray for his presence to grace me one of these days.

that.... sounds like a very apt description. i'd say the same for you however - it seems like around our beloveds, we just automatically switch into our more... relaxed and natural selves. ah, young love.

lin shall get all the headpats he wants. and if you are able to get someone who can create a video or gif or image of lin in that setting, i would be more than happy to create a page for his voicelines ;))

"i sound dead inside" LMAO no no you sound very ✨dignified✨ i am sure ayato is proud of you <3

woof woof. (i'm still here, ehe <3) rin jie, why does it feel like we're writing letters to each other in the 80's... oml, did you know i'm actually sending this letter four cells away from you in the simp prison HDJEDKK (/lh)

also !! as a self-proclaimed samoyed puppy, i find it so funny that i only noticed recently that ayato prefers dogs after watching his voicelines in diff versions. apparently, he likes them for their loyalty/obedience which is smth he finds attractive. like uh-huh, okay, sir??? ily either way 🤨 idk if it's fortunate or unfortunate for him, but although i can resemble a puppy with my protectiveness and energy, i'm not very easily influenced so i can bite if i see the need to. but i'm a pacifist at heart tho! my affectionately sassy side just comes out during banters with people i'm comfy with ;( would he like the challenge (/j)

AHEM, IGNORING THAT RAMBLE; aww, that's so sweet but it sucks that you gotta hold in the tears or the mascara will get ruined (/j) !! i'm sure the vacay is much more meaningful knowing that it's for your dearest friend <3 i saw that you said it was chilly there, i hope the breeze didn't bother anyone at the event (venti, have some manners /j) 😭 perhaps, when you were holding back your tears as a bridesmaid, my puppy spirit was hovering somewhere near the food LOLLL (/lh) — but what matters is that you enjoyed yourself, hehe! happy rin equals to happy lia <3

*defeated sigh* alrighttt, i can't deny that zhongli is truly in his prime, if not for his habit of forgetting mora <//3 AND OOO, now that you have guaranteed, who are you prioritizing?? i know you want scara and tartaglia, so who shall be your pick??? 👀 i think i might go for the fatui gingerhead but if ayato rerun comes in v3.3 or smth, yk i'll drop anything for him 🚶 also, i love how hoyo inserted ayato him in the last update's events. could thsi be smth... perhaps, enticing people to fall for his playstyle??? because we surely did LOLLL marketing strategy accomplished ✨

(and noooo, i don't want you and ayato to have a passive aggressive contest at the dinner table. me and zhongli are just 🧍🧍 with our cups of tea /j flashbacks to heizou being here once)

wishing tighnari will come home to you in the future! qiqi, not rn, ok?? his playstyle is vv unique~ but my aiming just turns immensely bad when i'm on mobile, so i definitely prefer playing him on pc! tho, i heard cyno havers got it bad when it comes to raising him with the scarabs and all <//3 like when it was torture for me too when i farmed onikabuto's for heizou and i assume it's the same for you with itto?? HOYO, STOP IT WITH THE BEETLES 😭😟 (/j)

yes, yes, will do~ if i ever get to commission a talented artist who can draw caelin in the game model style, you'll definitely be the first i'd tell 👀

[himbo-buckley]

what are your thoughts on what maddie says about her and buck's parents, that they were "good people, bad parents"? bc idk if it's just me but I can't get my head around that lmao, I can't understand how they can still be good people if they're bad parents, the two just can't go together for me, so another perspective would be interesting!

Hello friend 🥰

Oh, that is quite a question, isn’t it? Damn I just got out of work but you’re making me think deep thoughts here…

I think that is actually a question were we cannot find a unifying answer to - because like you said for you being a good person and a bad parent aren’t compatible, but for me they are. And I think we’d first have to define what everyone thinks constituents a good person and what constitutes bad parents!

For me a good example of that is Shannon Diaz who, in my opinion, is a good person. She means well and she tries hard but she is quite frankly an awful mother. Yes, she was put in horrible situation after horrible situation and she broke on that - which is something human and cannot be begrudged - but she left her child for several years and while she did try to reconnect and she was learning, she wouldn’t haven contacted Eddie on her own. She came back because the opportunity arose not because she tried to get back to them. (She could have become a good mother but she never got the chance.)

In the same vain I think Bobby pulled a lot of shit back in Minnesota but he still seemed to be a loving and kind father - so my question to you, friend, would be: do you consider Bobby a good person (the Bobby prior to Season 1 mostly)? Despite being the type of person who went to work drunk and / or high and by this endangering others and himself? Because I don’t think so yet the show frames him as a good person despite his downfalls (and I am not saying being an addict makes someone a bad person but I am saying knowingly endangering others does) - and if you think someone cannot be a good person but a bad parent, can someone who is a bad person also not be a good person?

See, one thing I learned working with children is that some people just aren’t made to be parents, and I am not talking about my time with child services, i am talking as a kindergarten teacher. Some people are very nice and they try hard but damn, parenting does not come natural to them and I worry how this will develop in the future. Like one of my mom’s is severely depressed and she might have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy which doesn’t make her a bad person - but a bad parent at times.

And now, this is were I make you regret asking me specifically about this topic (or maybe not, who knows what your interests are) because I do have a bit of an expertise in what constitutes good / bad parenting and I will talk about it at random whether I am asked or not (and hopefully my language won’t fail me as most of my theoretical knowledge is in german, so please excuse any mistakes in technical terminology because I have to find the english equivalents and you know all those untranslatable german words? Yeah. Someone finally figure out how to translate the difference between Erziehung and Bildung please because both cannot be education and also it doesn’t really fit either):

So let’s get into it, shall we?

What makes good parents?

First up: parental relationship and parenting capabilities: several years ago the german department of family, seniors, women and youth (BmFSFJ) released a paper on what skills parents need to become good parents. There a four main skills (and I hope I translated everything correctly):

child-corresponding skills (ability to respond to the individual needs and features of the child, be it in terms of recognising potential or setting boundaries or sth else)

context-corresponding skills (ability to recognise developmental opportunities but also hinderances for the child and acting accordingly)

self-corresponding skills (being able to reflect their own behaviour as well as being willing to learn new things; also ability to regulate one’s emotions)

action-corresponding skills (trust in ones own ability and effectiveness; being consistent, both in their own actions as well as in response to others actions)

You might have heard of Kurt Levin or Diana Baumrind or someone else doing research into parenting styles. Generally there are four main ones, which, if we use Baumrind, differentiate on the aspects of control and demand 

(here is a graph from wikipedia on this)

(I consider this fairly self explanatory but I will get into it in a bit a little more, soooo)

Now of course parenting isn’t just about the parents and what they do - children also have needs (and yes there is a lot of overlap but I am doing this right, okay?)

To quote my government again (because the paper was actually quite good, okay?) children want autonomy (a chance to do things themselves), expertise (a chance to develop their own skills) and relatedness (that one was very hard to translate but this came the closest; the idea is children strive for social connections, a sense of trust in themselves and reliability)

Also Urs Fuhrer defined 5 basic needs children have which are:

feeling of shelteredness and reliable love (I won’t explain this further except: google Harry Harlow and try not to cry like I do every time I am reminded of this monster of a man)

physical security and intactness (self explanatory, right?)

individual and developmentally suitable experiences (yes, children need to be socialised but it needs to be based on the individual child and how it learns best and all that)

boundaries and structure (CHILDREN WANT BOUNDARIES!!!! ALWAYS!!! CHILDREN WANT YOU TO TELL THEM YES OR NO, they need adults to help them navigate the world! Part of feeling secure is having someone who will tell you no and don’t do this; boundaries protect from danger, they represent support and orientation, they protect someone’s dignity (both the child’s and the parent’s), they give something to chafe against on our way to adulthood (because listen, Erikson wasn’t wrong, a lot of development happens in adversity, we find out who we are in contrast to other people)

a secure attachment (most people have heard about Bowlby and his theory of attachment, right? There are several types, though we are born with certain abilities for attachment and then learn how to attach from our parents, we model relationships on this, attachment determines our feeling of security and our thrive for exploration as children)

And I’ll leave the theoretical at this and go on to talk about the Buckley’s now, okay?

(and try to figure out if any of this has an actual point, uuups)

As for the specific situation of Mr and Mrs Buckley, let’s first see what we know of them, okay? (It’s barely anything) (half of it is assumed)

they are both alive

they are (probably) still married

they warned Maddie about Doug (meaning they somewhat cared)

they weren’t physically abusive and most likely also not emotionally

they probably live on the east coast in Pennsylvania

Buck may still be in contact with them

Maddie considers them good people but bad parents

they accepted losing contact with at least one of their children

Maddie doesn’t want them to know about Doug

That’s it!

Now, I personally think they might be very conservative, possibly unsupportive of their children. They might have had plans for their children’s life Maddie and Buck didn’t agree with, they might have been the types to not listen to their children, maybe they worked a lot. Probably fairly impatient, possibly disinterested in their children. Not good at the parenting capabilities.

Based on their children’s issues I’d say authoritarian or neglectful parenting style (though not abusive because it would be a redcon of Maddie’s background), meaning most definitely unresponsive though I cannot make up my mind whether they were demanding or undemanding, as both these styles - even when not so bad they are abusive and / or endangering to the child - make insecure, dependent and unhappy adults (like the children turn into those once they grow up), which does kinda fit with Buck specifically, right?

Though tbh I don’t think the Buckley parents were that horrible. I know fandom has taken the idea and run with it, mainly because after three seasons we know virtually nothing about them aside from some throwaway lines and all the issues we see in their children.

Now, why do I say this?

One, Maddie is a fairly capable adult despite everything that happened to her and even being as resilient as she is, she still has too few issues for how horrible fandom thinks the Buckley parents are

Two, while Buck has a lot of issues, being cocky and having problems with intimacy and being a bit directionless and still needing a parental figure in your mid-20s doesn’t seem that uncommon to me? Like the only really deep issue I’d say he has (that have to be caused by something deeper) are his abandonment issues (and connected to that intimacy). And it’s been implied they are caused by Maddie leaving to go to College which does paint the picture that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents but honestly, that sometimes happens, right?

(Also, and this is where my professional background comes in, I don’t like how everyone jumps to the worst possible conclusions about them, simply because I feel it sends the idea that only if the worst things happened to you, you have certain issues which is wrong. Sometimes small things will trigger something way larger in us and that should not be invalidated.)

And okay, I am getting off topic again (but again, my profession lies here) but what I am trying to say is this:

I do think Mr and Mrs Buckley were bad at parenting because they demanded too much but gave too little (emotionally) and I don’t think Buck is really in contact with them but I also don’t think that makes them necessarily bad people. (just bad parents)

I think Maddie and Buck weren’t as close back when they were children as they are now (at least not after Maddie moved to College) because the Buck we know would not accept a sister he is very close to simply no longer having contact with him for three years without trying to figure out why.

I do think they can’t have been that bad mainly because of how good Maddie and Buck are. Listen, I believe in resilience and already being born with a certain personality and traits which shapes how our environment reacts to us, but which is also influenced and changed by our environment ! (Nature vs. nurture, ya’ll) Now I know I said we find and develop ourselves in adversity but not just. We also need someone to foster and support and reward certain traits or we lose them and this is especially true for being kind and heroic!

Buck especially has shown way to little anger or capability for violence for how the fandom likes to write his parents, which considering his general character and also the way he looks - just doesn’t work! (Because generally especially boys raised in abusive families emulate this behaviour and Buck just - doesn’t! Which considering how “fuck toxic masculinity” Buck is most of the time doesn’t make sense because being tall and buff would make the opposite easier for him and would make it the better strategy for survival, so this would be the behaviour he would have learned)

(unless our writers say fuck being realistic and fuck psychology)

His parents had to have done something right, because Maddie will have left for College by the time he was 12 / 13 probably and we know they consider this her abandoning him meaning they probably weren’t really in contact then and while the first years of your life ARE VERY important for who you become later (urgh, yes, I’ll admit it, Sigmund Freud, the most overrated theorist did get SOME things right) they aren’t everything and you develop for longer and also a young girl like Maddie would have been would have not been self-reliant and stable enough to raise her literal baby brother in a way that made him resilient enough to become the person Buck has become despite her leaving him twice

Not to mention: considering the person we know Maddie is - if their parents really were that horrible she wouldn’t have left Buck with them, she would have taken him with her!

 ANYWAYS!

Okay, tbh, I have no idea if any of that answered your question, but I did spend nearly two hours on it so enjoy?

I really don’t have a good answer to your question because we really don’t know enough and what we know doesn’t fully gel with each other and urgh, I don’t know friend despite this being the one thing I actually have some knowledge on!

I’m not even sure any of this makes sense and I am so sorry about that! I was trying, friend, but sadly an answer eludes me

Guess I should have just ended after saying: we cannot find a unifying answer to this because we each have individual definitions of good and bad in regards to people?

(Now, for everyone who read all of this? I love you and thank you and sorry! Please have a great day while I go cry in the shower now because I this ask drained me and also Harry Harlow)

EDIT: I wrote attachment issues when I wanted to say abandonment issues, shit!

[lilacandladybugs]

What’s your current relationship with god? I’m very curious lmao

I’m sorry if this sounds incomprehensible and rambly and disjointed or pretentious. I care a lot more about this than almost anything else in the world and I wish I could do a better job of explaining myself. But I feel like why I believe in God or what my relationship with him is like is like trying to explain who I am. And I’m just the accumulation of everything I’ve ever experienced or that I think and I feel like it’s really important that I communicate it correctly so here is my attempt.

Here’s a video that’s really good that I think will give some good background information. If you don’t want to read all of this, the video is probably enough to explain.

TLDR: This isn’t the way things are supposed to be. Death isn’t supposed to happen, it isn’t a part of the natural order of things. God loved us so much he died to fix it, and rose again to defeat death. God loves me and I love him, and I’ve never found peace or fulfillment like that in anything else.

I hope this makes sense anon let me know if you have any questions or if I misinterpreted your question. 

TW suicide // grief // abuse // rape mention (not v bad or graphic or anything)

Long version:

I think I've always thought that there's something naturally (for lack of a better word) poetic about existing. Not really meaning that it's good, but kind of that everything feels really purposeful it seems to flow together like an old epic. Everything seems intensely meaningful to me.

I've always thought that life was tragic. That death is a fracture in the way things are, like we live in the ancient ruins of a long lost civilization.

And I've always thought that life seems like an incomprehensibly wonderful gift, because how can there be tragedy if there isn't anything worth losing? But somehow it seems like peace is the basic way things are, that normalcy isn't normal at all but like this status quo of goodness which makes bad things happening not only heart breaking but surprising.

Reconciling all of those ideas is really confusing.

I'm a strong proponent of thinking analytically about what you believe since the answer we choose to the question of whether or not God exists is like quite literally something we bet our lives on. We bet our life that God exists or that he doesn't, that things have meaning anchored in an external source or that they don't. 

So while I grew up a Christian I've never felt really dead in it. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to be stubborn in asking questions and I don't have a problem with questioning authorities on why they believe what they believe—especially if they really confidently assert it. I want to be able to know things and understand them.

My junior year of high school three of my closest childhood friends died, and several others almost died. I remember sitting up at like two am listening to twenty one pilots self titled album just like seething and exhausted asking lord why would you abandon me like that?

Some other really horrible things happened to people that I cared about, I felt abandoned and rejected by Christians just for being broken, some of them caused it or contributed to the trauma and abuse. How could people who claimed the name of God do that?

My debate partner's best friend killed himself the same year that my friends died, and he became an atheist and I stayed a Christian. We fought about it a lot. I really seriously considered becoming an atheist.

The thing that I couldn't accept was the lack of eternality. 

Really ironically I think I stayed a Christian for the same reason that my friend became an atheist. We were both asking why all of the living world is crying out in anguish. We both wanted to die. We both were angry. We both were horrified.

My friend thought that the question of “where is God?” was harder to answer than “why is there meaning to death?”

I'm a Christian because I'm horrified. He's an atheist for the same reason.

If you don’t feel like reading it, here’s the TLDR: there is no reason for someone to do something or not do something if God isn’t there to tell them to. There isn’t a moral grounding for law.

Arthur Leff was an atheist law professor at Yale in the eighties, and he wrote about the moral grounding for laws in his essay, Unspeakable Ethics, Unnatural Law. The question he was asking was what can we do to ground morality? What can we do to prove objectively that there are things one ought to do and things one ought not do?

I am unwilling to accept that. There is something evil about abuse, neglect, rape, torture. There is something about these things that violates human rights, human dignity. There's something about them that goes against objective moral law.

But without God there is no moral law. So I wouldn't be able to say, "you should never rape someone, because rape is wrong." And everything that I had experienced flew in the face of that.

Dr. Leff wrote this about that question;

“All I can say is this: it looks as if we are all we have. Given what we know about ourselves and each other, this is an extraordinarily unappetizing prospect; looking around the world, it appears that if all men are brothers, the ruling model is Cain and Abel. Neither reason, nor love, nor even terror, seems to have worked to make us "good," and worse than that, there is no reason why anything should. Only if ethics were something unspeakable by us, could law be unnatural, and therefore unchallengeable. As things now stand, everything is up for grabs.

Nevertheless:

Napalming babies is bad.

Starving the poor is wicked.

Buying and selling each other is depraved.

Those who stood up to and died resisting Hitler, Stalin, Amin, and Pol Pot-and General Custer too-have earned salvation.

Those who acquiesced deserve to be damned.

There is in the world such a thing as evil.

[All together now:] Sez who?

God help us.”

In the end, it comes down to this; Do I believe that the complexity of the universe is because there was someone intelligent actively involved in its design, do I believe that information, reason, logic, emotion, and morality exist and are reliable because they have grounding in God’s identity? Do I believe that God is who he says he is?

And I guess the answer to those questions was yes.

I saw God. He was there in the stillness - in the sunrise and sunset and at 2 am after I couldn't cry anymore. I felt him. And I know part of his goodness that I wish I never had to know. I felt like I was lying breathless bleeding out in a gutter watching the stars. Almost like a pause - just a moment in time where I was hurt enough, still enough to hear his voice.

One of the most important things I learned is that life is not hopeless.  If life is a story, then the last chapter of the book has already been written. This is the premise of the song It is Well with My Soul by Horatio G. Spafford.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, God has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul” 

The powers of evil and darkness can take away my friends, my sanity, my family, and even my life, but God has already saved me, and I can find peace in spite of my circumstances. Three of my friends died, but God has already conquered death. I feel powerless, but God is powerful. I feel abandoned, but God loves me so much that he died a horrible torturous death for me. Living in light of that is peace. 

Whenever I felt like I couldn’t keep going there would be something to stop me. I heard his voice in music, and in my friends that held me when I cried, and in morning glories on my morning walk. I kept lists of all of the times this happened, every time that someone encouraged me to keep going, every time that someone would quote a Bible verse when I was crying out for God to answer me, every time that the world paused. Everything asked me the same question, do you think it means nothing? Do you think that there is a direction that we’re going? Are we coming from nothing and going toward nowhere?

I had friends who heard him too. He was so gentle to us. I wasn’t able to go to church, I wasn’t able to listen to worship music but the LGBTQ+ community took care of me, they were isolated from church as well. There was enough for me in that God promised he would take care of me, and he did. He died for me. He talked to my trans friend and said, “listen, your parents have rejected you and said you’ll never be your son, but I am a good father. I love you. Be my son instead.”

God mourned with me. He saw everything and he was angry. I was able to breathe because I knew that in the end there will be justice for abuse victims, because God said that he is the holder of justice, and vengeance will be his.

When one of my friends was hospitalized I stood outside during the beginning of a thunderstorm and watched the clouds and the sky darken and lightning flash across the sky.

Even the wind and the sea obey him. He asked me if I trust him. 

I guess my answer was yes.

In spite of everything that I went through, I was more thoroughly convinced that I ever was before that things matter. I was convinced that abuse is evil. I was convinced that death is an abomination. I was convinced that these laws of morality are woven into the fabric of the universe. I was convinced that God died to save us from that reality. I was convinced he loved me.

I still am

[waveypedia]

Have anything else for that Team Spyience au you made ages ago? Some writng or a bullet list? I crave angst.

The AU in question

Yes!! Aaaaahh i was so excited when I saw this ask because i’m so happy people still like it!! I’m definitely still thinking about it, don’t worry. The old AU hinges on the fact that FOWL doesn’t have a way into Scrooge’s company and family but uhhhh that’s not how it is now lmao. So I’ve been thinking about revamping it for a couple months now. I don’t want to do anything concrete until we know a little more about FOWL and how it works. We know who its agents are and a little bit about its goals but we really don’t know anything about its inner workings, what the Board’s dynamic is with their agents, what their dynamic is with modern SHUSH (if it even exists), etc etc. all of which are things that would probably be addressed in the Team Spyience AU! It is an AU but I’d like to build on canon as much as possible (unless there’s something that I really don’t vibe with) since it’ll be cleaner and less confusing that way. Like if I threw 2019 Team Spyience AU at you guys rn it would 1) be confusing since the FOWL structure and motives are completely different from canon and 2) be less interesting since there’s SO much potential for angst and drama with the Board, Rockerduck/Jeeves, and Gandra as part of FOWL. (and oh boy I’m so excited to work with that!!!)

(sorry for that long block of text sdfgfds i wasn’t sure how to break it up)

that being said I have built a bit of a shaky foundation for a redone Team Spyience AU for when we learn more!! and ahhh i’m so excited to share. For bullet points, here are some ideas swimming around in my head. these all could change with new information from the show or just if i think of something better tbh

so this might change when we learn more about the Board in general and the nitty-gritty of FOWL’s plans, but right now I’m thinking that the Board realizes that 1) Gyro and his ragtag band of science nerds are powerful and stubborn, and will most definitely get in the way of their plans 2) Gyro already hates the Board, and if anyone in McDuck Enterprises were to pick up on their treason, it would be him 3) They have a strong foothold for control in the company, second only to Scrooge (and even that’s debatable), but they have minimal control over Gyro and the science department. So this time around it’s less about needing to spy on Scrooge and more about wanting to control Gyro and Team Science. how that translates to “capturing them and forcing them to spy on their boss and his family” is still up in the air, but i’ll let you guys know when i figure it out! (and if you all have any ideas lmk)

we all know Gyro dislikes the Board but it’s mostly just annoyance/spite since they always shut down his inventions. Here, though, he would hate them. He would probably start like smack-talking them to everyone he can, especially Scrooge, which is his own way of trying to get them to realize the Board is evil without tipping the Board off to his treachery. Scrooge would be confused and it would be like the first crack in the Board’s carefully built facade, but it wouldn’t work for him. He probably just thinks Gyro’s being his mean self.

Huey, though... I’m pretty sure Huey’s gonna end up researching FOWL since it’s his season, and he spends enough time around Team Science to notice how off they’re all acting, without being too busy to pay it much mind (like Scrooge). so one of Gyro’s snarky remarks will tip him off, and he’ll start to view the Board with a little more suspicion each time. Until he comes to the conclusion through his research, and SHUSH resources like Beakley and Webby, that oh god that was an allusion to FOWL the Board is FOWL-

and then- wait is Gyro FOWL?? is Team Science okay?? this goes deeper than I thought-

so essentially the B-plot of this AU is Huey (with the help of the rest of the kids, but especially Webby, Boyd, and Violet) researching FOWL in the background and trying to figure out why Team Science is acting so weird lately, and there’s a lot of dramatic irony

FOWL definitely threatens Boyd to get to Gyro because I love me some quality Boyd & Gyro family content 😌

I originally thought about working a “Gyro is a former FOWL agent that got away by the skin of his teeth” aspect into the AU since I was really fond of that concept when it was a theory, but now it’s been disproven. It does make for a lot of extra drama and angst, but I don’t think it quite fits, so I might just make that an entirely separate AU. I might add some non-canon bonus content with this concept though!

The majority of Team Science’s dynamic throughout the AU stays the same - they’re all incredibly stressed and on edge and just in a really sticky situation, so they snap at each other and have a lot of petty arguments. But at the same time, they’re all in the really sticky situation together, and so they come out of this mess a whole lot closer. It’s sort of a “You’re the only ones I can be honest with without dire consequences” situation.

also re: that last point - CUDDLE PUDDLES. i’m so soft for them. i’m thinking maybe on a night when FOWL makes them all stay in the cells overnight as a punishment or smth, but they’re all in one cell, they just fall asleep all on top of each other and it’s just a really sweet moment made bittersweet by the circumstances. it’s also a testament to how far their relationship has come under pressure and how much they trust each other now.

Gyro is the only target originally (I’m thinking maybe Fenton, Manny, and Lil’ Bulb catch the Board in the act and it’s very dramatic and terrifying. i think they’re originally gonna kill Team Science, since FOWL has a very take-no-prisoners leave-no-loose-ends sort of mindset, but Gyro convinces the Board that the majority of Scrooge McDuck’s research team mysteriously dying in one fell swoop would be extremely suspicious, especially since Scrooge has an in-house former SHUSH agent. so they live, miraculously, but the Board lets all of them know in no uncertain terms that if it happens again, the other person dies. No ifs, ands, or buts. So Team Science is all very, very nervous and careful about what they let slip. They want to tell everyone, especially Scrooge, but they can’t because they care too much. (Hence Gyro making passive-aggressive comments about the Board to Scrooge.) and of course everyone else gets suspicious and resentful since they know Team Science is hiding stuff from them. so that leads to a lot of drama and arguments.

speaking of the drama and arguments from the outside, the kids are doing their own investigation, but I headcanon Della as friends with Gyro from before the Spear of Selene, and she has a budding friendship with Fenton too. So she’d notice they’re all acting really weird and bailing on all her plans, so she storms down to the lab and tries an aggressive tactic to get them to fess up. They don’t, obviously, so she goes on a little investigation of her own. I’m thinking she might drag Launchpad and Donald into it - Launchpad since he’s good friends with Team Science, and Donald because I love him and I want him involved they’re the Duck Twins and they work best together.

I have this scene floating around in my head where, in the very beginning, FOWL agents/Eggheads capture Gyro and drag him to FOWL HQ underneath Funzo’s to be briefed on his new situation. He’s stuck in one of those glass cells Launchpad and Dewey were in when Steelbeak brought them back in the Double-O-Duck episode. The Board knows he’s there, but Gyro has no clue they’re villains. So they come to the cell to brief and belittle him (let’s be honest here, they’ve never liked Gyro) and he just. He’s pissed. Spitting mad. He’s always resented the Board but never like this; never pictured them as actual powerful villains. He may be spiteful of them because they shut down his projects, but at the end of the day, they’re good guys. They’re on his side, and more importantly, Scrooge’s side. Right?

So Gyro is like, up against the glass, trying to punch them through the airholes. He’s just so fucking furious. He’s not really thinking straight and he doesn’t care about any dignity, he’s just angry. The Board is just overly smug and pleased with themselves. It’s a very stereotypical “You’ll never get away with this, you villain!!” picture, and very dramatic. And then the Board just walks away after giving him a bare-bones explanation of the situation that he doesn’t really process because he’s so mad and terrified. And they turn off all the lights and let him stew in there overnight.

Once Huey and the kids have finally put the pieces together, Webby comes to the Bin one day with Scrooge, and she goes to the meeting room to look for him. Only he’s not in there - The Board is, and they’re berating Gyro for sassing off about them to Scrooge or smth. Webby, with all her trained spy skills, hears their conversation and is able to avoid detection (although the Board is suspicious, and they start investigating to tie off any loose ends). Their conversation, though, would be suspicious to any oblivious passerby, but from all the research the kids have done, they know what’s going on.

That’s not the actual reveal - I think thematically that should go to Huey, since he’s the closest to Team Science and it’s his season. This would just chase away any last doubts the kids may have. And maybe Webby gets a voice recording as evidence? I just love those; they’re so dramatic.

this is one part that might not end up aligning with canon but I’m REALLY fond of the Akita FOWL theory. So in this AU, I’m thinking Akita was a really casual member of FOWL all along that recently got an updated agent commission. So there’s even more potential drama there, since Gyro utterly despises Akita now. And a bigger incentive to keep Boyd safe, since Gyro knows FOWL would be more than happy to program Boyd into a mindless attack robot.

in the old AU I was toying with the idea that FOWL didn’t know Fenton’s Gizmoduck until a big reveal, and it was a secret weapon of Team Science’s (but also a point for a lot of arguments, since Fenton desprately wanted to be out there protecting people at the cost of his own safety) but uhh... they definitely know now. In a bid to stop FOWL from taking control of Gizmoduck, Fenton claims the armor is out of commission and sabotages it. So Fenton’s heroics are temporarily halted while Team Science frantically tries to figure out how to keep FOWL from hacking/taking control of a new and improved Gizmosuit.

As for writing... I don’t have anything done, least of all anything for the revamped version of the AU, but I do have this wonderful writing prompt from @advisortotheadvisor that I started back in January 2019, when I was working on the old version of the AU, that I really want to do with the revamped AU. (it just fits so well ahhhh!!!)

["If you won’t do it, I’m sure your friend wouldn’t mind being in your place." + your FOWL team spyience au?]

Gyro crossed his arms across his chest, scowling to hide his fear. He’d gotten pretty good at it over these past few months.

Watching the halls was basically useless. Fowl was careful to keep Gyro and his team within the same halls, as to not be able to find their way out on their own. And Gyro knew the way to Steelbeak’s office well. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been marched here.

At least he wasn’t cuffed anymore, though he suspected it was only because the agents and their minions knew there was too much at stake for an escape attempt. It had been too long, anyway. That was an amaetur move. Even though he loathed to admit it, Gyro cared too much about the consequences - the people at stake - to even try.

It was just a well-aimed mockery. Like everything short of punishment seemed to be these days under FOWL’s watchful eye and careful thumb. Gyro scowled deeper and crossed his arms tighter and pretended in vain it didn’t bother him.

That was all he could do, really.

Okay that kind of got away from me haha. thank you so much for the ask!! It means a lot to me that people are still interested in this AU. definitely motivation to work on both the AU and that fic haha!! I’ll talk more abt this soon when I have more info/content

[hootpoop12]

Theory time

Alright, so we all know through the context of this being written in a fanfiction/a03 format that this is all a play about canon VS fanon. What is a little hard to decipher is what are the things that are plays off fanon and which qualities are the true aspects of the characters(canon)? ANYWAY here are just a few of the things I am ASSUMING are plays off fanon based on my years in the fandom and sheer obsession of consuming this shit (trigger warning for everything taken place in the epilogue FYI):

-Dave: I think some of the main aspects of fanon influencing his epilogue version is intertwined with “woobifying”, “Slow burn”, and even possibly even “sexuality”. 

        -Woobifying is a fandom concept of reducing a character to “a cinnamon roll too pure for this world” someone you wanna baby (often applied to trans guy characters whether canon or headcanoned). This one is a bit of reach I’ll admit because it DOES makes sense that after years of living with Karkat the dude would soften up but there were times in the epilogue even Dave admits he’s gotten softer and the dude just plain out was very passive. In my time I’ve seen tons of depictions of Dave as a lot more emotional than shown in the comic or a lot more woobified in fics (like in meteor fics where he often has very dramatic emotional outbursts) By the way this is NOT me shitting on you if you like viewing Dave in that way because a lot people with trauma relate to him and use him for “cathartic release”(me fucking too lol). It’s more a guess/observation of maybe why he’s developed in this way due to the comic now being a strange sponge absorbing all fanon, good and bad, into it weird ass grasp.

        -Slow burn is likely the trope that plays into why the hell it took so fucking long for him AND Karkat to admit their feelings. If you have literally ever consumed Davekat content I’m sorry but 99% of it is slow burn lmao every meteor fic is pining, every coffee shop AU is the budding of a lifelong partnership, and every Harry potter furry inflation pwp crossover WHATEVER fic is 10k words building of sexual tension like......To bring their other relationships in canon into this we can see that Dave was able to flirt with Jade and Terezi and entered a relationship with them at a pretty normal rate WHICH can totally be attributed to the fact he views them as girls and himself as heterosexual so was much more comfortable making a move- sure. Looking at Karkat, however, and you see the dude is a little shy about romance sure but he was still able to flirt with Terezi and make awkward moves on John so like......I can’t help but to feel like something outside (us?) was influencing them?

        -Sexuality is another sort of reach but I think it’s something to consider. In terms of the comic....when exactly DID canon end? You could argue at the end of act 7.......or the moment John used his retcon powers to create a new timeline. Fandom Dave (on the tumblr side at least) was usually consider queer and a lot people shipped Dave with another dude. Perhaps John going back and rewriting canon helped bring our influence over Dave’s sexuality into the comic? I remember finding out Davekat was canon and confirming my “Dave is bisexual” headcanon and just thinking in wonder how it felt like Hussie was plucking my desires straight from my head and incorporating them. Which made me HAPPY by the way. If this is anywhere even near truth it’s not like he didn’t do a fantastical and natural job of incorporating it into the comic which shows how “incorporated fanon” is not a totally horrendous thing. The comics always done it with fandom memes and such. 

-Rose Lalonde. Not too sure what fanon influenes were brought onto her to be honest? In candy she was almost like a creepy stepford wife which is. Bizarre to me. Rose is the most contrary and rebellious character so seeing her settle down like that (OR FUCKING DOING SOME GUYS LAUNDRY) is a little strange. In meat she insists that she is an individual despite being married but that could have EASILY been Dirk’s influence? Also her biggest fandom stereotypes off the top of my head is Know-it-all smug meddler, alcoholic, and elegant. Really none of that was applied so still need to consider her more. The most damning thing however is where is all the piss?? If you look at the amount of piss kink rose fanfiction one has to wonder......and I can’t even continue this joke.

-Jade Harley: Gonna keep it real with ya’ll. I feel like this epilogue gave Jade Harley way more character. She wasn’t given much in canon except for lonely silly girl so it makes sense to me why she’d grow up desperate for physical bonds and inserting herself into relationships. I liked her telling John that she wasn’t some princess in a tower anymore cause it shows she KNOWS how everyone has always viewed her and that’s a little sad. As for tropes around her character.....yep people pleaser, silly girl, hippie, shoved aside for literally any other character......Need to think about her more, too. 

-Jake fucking English. What even is there to say? He more than anyone was influenced by fanon and it doesn’t take too much thought to see how. In a lot of fandom jokes and in fanfiction he is basically treated as a stupid piece of meat. I genuinely don’t read much fanfiction about him except from a trust few fans who I know care about him and will write him in a full rounded way. In any case we see a single moment in which Jake has this oppressive narrative taken away from him and it was when he was talking to Dave and Karkat during their election conversation. If that wasn’t already hard enough to read we can look back at the implied rape that took place with him in the beginning of Jane’s relationship with him or over the course of it. John, the one person supposedly not influenced by fanon as he’s still tied to the comic via retcon powers, is even the one to tell people that Jake is basically being raped. So yeah. Good times. I’ll get to Dirk in terms of Jake in a moment L M A O. Imagine that being the saddest lmao you ever just read.

-Jane Crocker: Welp hope you weren't a Jane fan lmao. What can I say except it FEELS like all the subliminal messaging really got to her and she’s like......warped by the condesce? I think if in the comic they showed more of her political takes then maybe this wouldn’t have come as such a shock. Like, I flat out am disgusted by her character now? She’s a facist, abusive, rapist(that was hint, unfortunately)? WOW good take homestuck writting staff?? I mean I know one of you used to write like incest pedo rape porn but aight??????????? Anyways in fanon Jane is treated as the girl who gets in the way of dirkjake so kinda that early 2000s bitchy yaoi girl brand, boring person in the background, or the hottie. They obviously kept saying she was “easy on the eyes” so there’s the hottie trope but that’s about it.

-Roxy Lalonde: Out of ALL the Alphas they fucking escaped with their goddamn dignity PFFT. So in terms of tropes: trans Roxy, alcoholic, and flirty “boy obsessed”. 

        -So with trans Roxy this is like Dave’s sexuality thing I discussed where a widely celebrated headcanon influenced canon and that not necessarily a BAD thing. Like I said, this theory is that canon is just absorbing fanon for better and for worse. I saw people were bummed they weren’t a trans girl but I am actually down with this for two reasons. 1) being all those memes “what’s your gender?” “the void” and 2) a part being friends with someone who’s trans is.....not being used to seeing them as the gender they actually are but taking the time to learn these new unfamiliar pronouns- and get the fuck over it. It’s their choice and you just gotta accept it despite your feelings. 

        -alcoholic Roxy was not at all incorporated which is the biggest fanon about her (not as much in recent years thankfully) so honestly? Kinda diminishes my argument. It’s not like the writers were worried that tossing out their progress as person was bad writing lol look at Dirk.

        -Flirty Rox. In candy they were SUPER fast moving in their relationship with John and despite towards the end they said that Dirk dying made them wanna do something with their life I just....don’t buy it? Mainly because john who is uninfluenced by the fanon tropes even noticed how fast they were moving and how stepford agreeable wife she’d become. 

-Dirk Strider. Aight. So. Here we go. fandom tropes are controlling puppet master, abusive, and cold/uncaring.

        -Dirk is a naturally controlling man, yes. Every version of himself struggles with this, yes. Even if we work on issues does not mean old flaws will never leak out, yes. However, after in the comic itself we see conversations with some of his closest companions and the effort he was making and ready to continue making was completely obliterated. Dirk is someone who takes his projects a little too seriously so why would he toss out this one- the most important one in his life? ANYWAY........Dirk in canon is shown that he’s also not great at multi-tasking or really anything that he really makes himself out to be AMAZING at. Don’t get me wrong I actually view Dirk as a complement dude cause he did get all the alphas into the session in a smoothish fashion (yes hal is him so it still counts) but, like, even when Dirk sounds like an AWESOME engineer to Jake he even admits that he basically had the future’s technology to help and it wasn’t that impressive. So now he’s claiming he’s the BEST? Wack.

        -Abusive Dirk......The sheer amount of people in the fandom who still misconstrue his character as heartless and the sheer amount of fanfiction of sociopathic Dirk might’ve done something. If he is truly becoming his “ultimate self” and he is heart aspect.....all these fanfiction splinters are getting applied to him as well, ya’ll. INCLUDING one of the epilogues writers who literally used to write fanfiction depicting Dirk as a brutally abusive and manipulative version of himself. With the similarities between their big fic and the homestuck epilogue I can’t help but to wonder if they’re subtly trying to incorporate that? After all Alt Calliope goes into detail about how the writer/narrator is IMPORTANT and when one is someone who enjoys viewing dirk as such....well who’s to say pfft Everything about how Dirk treated Jake was some of the most shocking to me. How did you get the guy taking most of the blame for a relationship gone wrong to a man who in a very rapey way makes someone obsessed with him, stupid, and unable to ever receive respect? Horrifying stuff to read, lads. It makes much more sense to me if you look at this fandom’s perceptions on DirkJake. My god there are some bad takes and there’s a whole section of the fandom who was hellbent on making the ship out to be the most problematic ship to ever occur. So whereas in the comic you have Dave pointing out that both sides had issues and everyone was willing to talk things out you had half the fandom insist that it was all Dirk’s fault and he just COMPLETLY forced himself on an unwanting Jake. Yep, sound familiar?

        -cold uncaring. yep tons of depictions of Dirk being cruel to his friends and family and sorry but go reread Homestuck I don’t even know what to tell you if you actually believe that. There’s literally nothing here I could write to help you. As if the whole thing about his character isn’t about how the people around him helped prevent him becoming like that and he hasn’t said in a dozen different ways how much he loves them and wants to treat them better. Get out of here with that shit lmao 

I guess all can be said about Dirk at this point is either 1) the absorption of the vast amount of terrible Dirk depictions from ascending to his ult self has warped him 2) he’s playing a villain just because Homestuck being over means not existing which TERRIFIES him and existing is a higher priority than treating the people around him right or 3) caliborn influence

        1) For the ascending I’m pretty sure this is the theory that’s gonna be right

        2) playing the villain is probably not what it is because on twitter all of the writers are saying the transphobia is literally just him and they’re boosting a lot of theories say “this is a story about friends you love disappointing you and you moving on” So. Yeah. Take that depressing nugget of information. (I literally will be fucking dead inside if that really is where this story is taken. No joke I will probably quit this fandom lol don’t know if any of you really know how big that is for me to say

        3) Caliborn? eh maybe who the fuck knows after typing that last bullet point out I’m too bummed to continue this hah

[phylumhearts]

unfinished draft (shortcake)

ienzo/riku, 1650 words

Ienzo appreciates Riku's visits to Radiant Garden. He drops in frequently, to consult with Master Ansem, escort friends for a checkup with Even, or lend a hand to the Restoration Committee. He seems so busy, yet he always has a minute to sit in Ienzo's lab with a cup of tea and hear about his current projects. It surprises him how easy it is to leave their unfortunate first meeting in the past. Of course, the Riku he knows now looks, acts, and even smells quite different to the boy he'd fought in Castle Oblivion. The keyblade master is reserved, polite, and attentive. He knows little of scientific and technological matters, but is sharp enough to keep up with Ienzo's explanations. He watches steadily, nodding when appropriate. Ienzo finds that meeting this gaze gives him a strange dropping sensation in his stomach. It’s a little unpleasant, but somehow doesn’t deter him from looking back again. When Riku makes his excuses to leave - ever so politely of course - Ienzo's chest tightens in an unfamiliar way. He hopes he returns soon.

It is the end of one of these visits. They say their farewells and Ienzo watches Riku leave - his hair is getting a little long in the back, but it suits him - until he disappears around the corner. Ienzo exhales and turns back to his work, but he can feel another pair of eyes on him. He glances over at their owner.

"Is something the matter, Aeleus?" he asks lightly. Aeleus doesn't respond verbally, but shifts his stance in a way only Dilan could read. His ever-present frown is a little deeper than usual. Ienzo frowns back. "What is it?"

Aeleus takes a long moment before replying. "When you see Riku... how do you feel?"

"Whatever do you mean? I'm pleased to see him, I rather enjoy his company. He's a good listener." Ienzo tilts his head. "Are you dwelling on the past again? I'm sure he bears you no ill will."

Aeleus shakes his head. "Is there a new feeling in your heart? A tightness in your chest, or a sinking stomach. Something uncomfortable, but not unpleasant."

Ienzo masks his surprise. "Now you mention it... I suppose so, yes." He quirks his eyebrow. "How did you know?"

Aeleus' hands curl and twist in the way they always do when he is uncomfortable. "It seems you may have... a crush." Ienzo narrows his eyes - is his stoic companion blushing?

"A crush," he echoes. Aeleus nods. It was a ridiculous notion - if he did have such a feeling, surely he would be more aware of it... except, he realises, he wouldn't. He may be a young adult now, but his teenage years involved no awkward hand-holding or clumsy confessions - indeed, he'd had no feelings at all. How should he be able to identify emotions he'd never had a chance to learn? He casts an analytical eye over his memories of Riku's past few visits. He always offered tea, partly as a courtesy but partly, he realises, because of a sudden dry mouth. He vividly remembers managing to make Riku laugh at one point, which... "Ah," he says aloud. He looks back to Aeleus, who nods again, looking as bashful as his stony features will allow. "And what do I do about that?"

"I'm afraid I'm not the person to ask."

Ienzo laughs, a short, sharp bark with a manic edge. "Then who is? Am I to bother Lord Ansem with such a petty matter? I'm sure Dilan would have some strong opinions to share, but I doubt I want to hear them. And Even..." he shoots Aeleus a pleading look, "...you understand that my options are limited, yes?" Aeleus hums and looks away, his hands twisting again.

"You may be surprised by the others," he says at last. "All I can say is listen to your heart. It will be your truest guide." He closes the distance between them, placing a comforting hand on Ienzo's shoulder. Ienzo pats it awkwardly. How, he wonders, can he listen to a part of him whose language he never learned to speak?

"I'm going to go for a walk," he says at last. He turns to leave, but Aeleus tightens his grip on his shoulder.

"About Riku," he rumbles, brows furrowed. "I cannot forgive myself for my past violence against him. But if he hurts you..." Aeleus' eyes bore into Ienzo's, earnest and grim, "...I will not be defeated a second time."

Ienzo huffs and brushes away Aeleus' hand. "That won't be necessary." Aeleus nods, with some reluctance, and lets him go.

Perhaps, Ienzo muses, he isn't alone in having things left to learn about healthy emotional expression.

---

It doesn't take long for Ienzo to try the library. He finds countless books on the nature of the heart, but none from the perspective he is looking for. With a sigh he makes to add another dry treatise on morality to his reject pile, but almost drops it when he's startled by a sudden voice.

"Studying the heart again, Ienzo? I thought we'd all laid that topic to rest." Ienzo whips his head around and freezes, something strange wrenching at his gut. Even looks more curious than angry or disappointed, but he can't help feeling caught in the act somehow.

"Even! I... I had a new line of inquiry. Nothing dark, I assure you. A personal interest."

"...yes?" Even's curiosity gleams behind his eyes. The writhing in Ienzo’s stomach rises as he realises how little chance he has of dropping the subject. He takes a breath, willing his body to relax, and resigns himself to his fate. All he has to lose is his dignity, and he suspects it wouldn’t have lasted long under these conditions anyway.

“I’m looking to better understand my own heart. As you know, I’ve spent precious little time with it, and I’m finding myself with new feelings to grapple with.” Even adopts his habitual thinking pose and raises a brow. Ienzo bites the bullet. “As Aeleus called it, a crush.”

Even’s astoundingly elastic eyebrows spring upwards. Ienzo begins to prepare pithy remarks for the imminent condescending ramble. To his surprise, it doesn’t come - instead Even runs a hand through his long hair and lets out a small chuckle before slumping into a nearby chair. When he speaks, it’s quiet.

“I thought I’d atoned for my mistakes already. Yet here you are, trying to find ten years of lessons of the heart in…” he picks up the closest book from Ienzo’s piles, “...Bright Networks: Light, Friendship and Emotion in the Hearts of Youth.” He rolls his eyes at the thin volume and tosses it back on the table. “It’s too easy to forget how young you were, how much of your life has been stolen. I’m… sorry.” Ienzo blinks at him, unsure how to respond. Even looks so old, weary in a way that goes deeper than poor sleep habits. He shakes his head and his animated manner returns. “In any case,” he springs to his feet, starting to pace, “you won’t find your answers here. Not because these matters are impossible to write about, mind.” He waves a hand to sweep away the theoretical accusation. “But the best titles for your purpose would be in a self-help section, or possibly parenting, and there’s none of that in our research library. The public library in town would be superior in this respect.”

Despite his reservations, Ienzo finds himself asking, “Do you not have any advice? Of a more personal nature, I mean.”

Even preens a little. “Although it’s generally wise to seek my counsel… truly, this is not my area of expertise. A superior intellect does not necessarily come packaged with superior social understanding, nor even superior understanding of oneself.” He places a hand on his chest, still pacing. “I suppose the classic advice, though, is to listen to your heart.”

Ienzo groans. “That’s what Aeleus said too. I’m afraid I don’t know what I’m listening for, or how to understand what it means if I do hear it.”

“Did he? Of course.” Even chuckles to himself, then whips around to face Ienzo. “But really, Ienzo, have I taught you nothing? Scientific principles can be applied wherever there is knowledge to be gained. Hypothesise! Test your theories and improve them. Discomfort, embarrassment, awkwardness, joy - all valuable data! The twinges and pulses of your heart need not be a mystery more so than any other field of inquiry.” His intense expression softens. "Every person must learn the language of their heart for themselves. You may have missed some opportunities to do so, but I see no reason why you cannot catch up with some dedication and rigor."

"Yes, I - I suppose so." Ienzo swallows back a lump in his throat. 

[conclude convo lmao. Need to decide if even asks who ienzo is crushing on or if he starts to but stops himself...]

Ienzo checks out as many books as the public library allows. Some have glossy covers with photographs of smiling teens and are written with a kind, reassuring tone entirely unlike the academic language he is used to, and he reads them cover to cover. He finds assurance that his feelings are normal and natural as well as descriptions of hormonal swings and physical changes that almost make him glad for the sterility of his teenage years. Other books have snappy titles and guarantees to teach men all the secrets of romance. These he dismisses when they talk exclusively - and disrespectfully - of women. [third kind of book? idk what lmao] Across the board, he finds little information that feels directly relevant to his situation. If this is the best material available, he muses, it's little wonder Aeleus and Even struggled to advise him. Then again, his situation may be unique.

Listen to your heart. He closes his eyes then, self-conscious, opens them again. 

[I kind of don’t remember where I was going with this one lmao...]

[magicaleggplant]

What are your current thoughts on Hanyu as a skater, as a competitor, and on his collective senior programs? Looking thru your tags and blog, I feel that you were more attached to him as an upcoming skater, but lost some of that along the way. A lot of people saw his potential back then so as someone who has followed him for a long time, do you think he reached his potential or did his skating move in a direction that either disappointed you or you weren't expecting? Thank you!

this is a good ask but it’s extremely tough to answer. my history with yuzuru is…it’s a Lot lmao. it’s a whole damn telenovela and probably one of the most significant things that happened in my life as a skating fan. i’ve talked about it before so i’ll just summarize it quickly:

he’s like my ex lmao. i had a wild passionate teenage love affair with him when we were young, then i fell out of love with him and had a bad breakup, and now we’ve both grown up and are way more chill and we’re on good terms. i was disappointed with yuzuru’s programs and his skating from around 2012-2014 or so, exhausted with the media and fandom in general, especially during the sochi olympics. when yuzuru was an upcoming skater i was extremely attached to him - heart-pounding-nervous when he competed, the whole deal - and gradually losing the connection i felt with his skating hit me really hard. but i got over it, eventually. yuzuru’s 15-16 programs got me back into him, and by then i’d gained a wider perspective and realized that progress doesn’t always appear in the ways you expect, isn’t always linear, and just because you don’t love a skater the way you used to doesn’t mean you can’t love them again in a different way. i will never feel the same way about yuzuru again, but that’s fine. i’m fine with how things turned out.

with that out of the way, my current thoughts and feelings on yuzuru are simply as a fan who enjoys his skating, but who no longer feels the depth of emotional investment that i used to. when he was young i thought he was going places for sure; he was brimming with potential, technically strong, ambitious, had a captivating personality. in many ways i think he’s surpassed all my expectations from back then, but in other ways i think he can still do more. i think, in the eyes of history, yuzuru has already reached legend status. his achievements speak for themselves. he sets records and breaks them, continually pushes technical boundaries, not only with jumps but also increasing difficulty within the program as a whole. he is probably the closest thing in the current men’s field to an ideal IJS skater - working the system to its maximum without overdoing it or sacrificing quality for quantity. he sets the standard for the rest of the field. everyone is chasing him, young skaters around the world look up to him. in japan he has become not only a celebrated athlete, but a symbol of the entire nation. he bears the weight of his country on his shoulders and he represents it with class and dignity. he’s humble and hard-working, always a good sportsman, respectful of his competitors, holds himself to a high standard, is thoughtful and caring about his sport and about many other issues as well. i admire him as a person and an athlete, i always have. it’s gratifying to see that noodly kid grow up into such a mature and thoughtful young man. we’re around the same age and sometimes i feel like i grew up with him.

i have little to complain about yuzuru’s skating, overall. there are nitpicks, there always are with every skater, but yuzuru as he is right now is a well-rounded “complete” skater, and certainly a very strong technician. i think he’s also a strong performer who pays attention to his music, portrays genuine emotions and projects well to the audience when he’s on. i don’t think he’s much of an artistic innovator, and he has a lot of room to improve as a dancer, but he does well with what he has, and that’s enough to qualify him as “complete”. for now, it’s debatable whether he’s one of the greatest artists of all time (and there will never be a conclusion, because everyone has different tastes), but it’s pretty much a given that he’s one of the greatest skaters of all time.

as for the few regrets i have, i wish he hadn’t recycled his programs so often. i know his reasons why, i know he’s been constantly injured, and i know other skaters also recycle programs, but i dislike recycling among top skaters in general unless there’s a very good reason for it. maybe i’m just selfish, and want to see as many different programs from him as possible, because i think he’s still capable of more. skaters’ careers are so short, i don’t want them to spend all that time recycling. seimei and ballade will likely remain his signature programs, and they are very excellent programs, but seeing them - and programs like let’s go crazy and hope & legacy - make me wonder what else he can do. now that he’s achieved one of his main goals - a second olympic title - i hope he’ll stick around for a while and continue to branch out artistically. i’ve always liked how thoughtful he is about his programs and his involvement with the choreography process, and i’m looking forward to a freer and maybe more experimental yuzuru in the upcoming years. i don’t know how much longer he’ll be around, but i hope he makes good use of that time and enjoys himself.

[just-jordie-things]

Home. - Richie Tozier

word count: 4854 warnings: swearing, underage drinking + smoking, mentions of sexual abuse (there’s no specifics about the situation), emotional abuse (from parents), and mentions of terror (via pennywise the clown lmao)

-

[ love is home. ]

The First Incident: Second Grade (seven years old)

Richie was your best friend, and had been for the past two years since you’d met him in kindergarten.  He was a rambunctious kid, at least that’s what your mother’s been saying.  But you took an easy liking to him.  As soon as you met in the sandbox, you knew you’d be best friends.  And you were.

It’s been two years since then, and you and Richie only proved more and more to be joined at the hip.  He was always around you, all day in class, at recess and lunch, walking you home, hanging out until it was too late, then going home.  But he’d be there the next morning at your bus stop, which was a block away from his own.  But he was always there on time, sometimes to pick you up and walk with you to the bus stop.

You always heard your mother telling your father how he was going to try to marry you one day, but you rarely listened, or understood for that matter, what it was they talked about.  So for the most part, you just shrugged it off.  But all in all, Richie Tozier, was the closest person to you, and you held him dearly in your heart.

When you’d heard the quick knocking on your window, your actions halted (suddenly dressing up your dolls didn’t seem so important).  Your head whipped around, pigtails flying, as you turned to see Richie at your windowsill.

“Richie!” You whisper screamed, and ran over to him, lifting the window as quickly as you could.  “How did you get all the way up here?” You asked quietly.

“I climbed-” You slapped a hand over his mouth as fast as you could.

“My parents are sleeping.  If they wake up and see I have a friend over they’ll be mad” You told him, before removing your hand and helping him inside.

“I climbed up the gate to the gutter and then hoisted myself up” He told you in a quieter voice, but his tone was full of pride.  You giggled, closing the window to keep your room warm.

“Why are you here though?” You asked curiously while RIchie kicked his sneakers off and sat on your bed.  You crawled up next to him and sat criss cross across from him.

“I thought we could play.  Plus I saw it in a movie once” He told you, and again you laughed quietly.

“But it’s so late to be playing” You said, eyes glancing over to the alarm clock on your night stand.  Richie pouted, turning to see it was already ten o’clock, and you both had school in the morning.

“I wish we could have sleepovers like Bill and I do” He sighed, and you frowned deeply.

“My mom says I shouldn’t sleep with boys” You told him sadly, like you had many times before.  Richie shrugged and nodded.

“Yeah I know” He replied with a sigh.

“Maybe we could do it if we don’t sleep!” You spoke up with a more chipper tone, trying to lighten his mood.  “Stay up all night! We can watch movies, and eat snacks, and play games, it would be fun!” Richie smiled at that, so you did too.

“An all nighter?!” He asked excitedly, and you nodded.  Richie’s eyes grew big behind his thick glasses and he nodded happily.  “When?”

“I don’t know, I guess sometime over the weekend so we don’t have to be mopey and tired at school” You decided, and Richie grinned wide before leaning over and hugging you tightly.  A fast hug, you didn’t have time to return it, but you smiled nonetheless.

“That sounds perfect!” He said, then scurried off of your bed.  “You should go to sleep.  And I should go home before my mom and dad realize I’m gone” He said, and you nodded while he put his shoes back on and opened up the window.

“This was cool Richie.  I feel like a rebelling teenager”

“y/n, you’re seven years old and the size of a peanut” He said bluntly, and you rolled your eyes.

“Get outta here before the police show up lookin’ for a missin kid” You shooed him away and he stuck his tongue out before swiftly leaving your room.

“See ya later peanut!” He called before you could close the windowsill.

You smiled to yourself before flicking off the lights and getting ready for bed.

The Second Incident: Eighth Grade (thirteen years old)

“Stupid stupid!” You cried to yourself, slamming your door shut as you went into your room.  You wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your hands and sniffled, wishing you would just stop crying already.  It was no big deal, why were you such a crybaby!?

I mean, you couldn’t be the only daughter whose parents claimed they’d rather be on the streets like the whore slut you are rather under their roof, right?

Every parent has issues with their kids, you knew that.  You just wish they hadn’t told you such awful things in front of your friend, Eddie, too.  It was embarrassing, and you were ashamed that he’d seen you so weak.  You’d told him to go home before running upstairs, putting you in this moment now.

You sunk down to the floor, your back against your bed as you pulled your knees to your chest.  Your body shook with each silent cry you let out, even though you kept mentally telling yourself to stop, you couldn’t.  The tears just kept flowing.

Why didn’t they just kick you out if they hated you so much?

Knock knock.

You hadn’t even turned towards the noise before you heard your window slide open, Richie Tozier fumbling as he rushed to get inside.

“Hey, hey..” You hadn’t heard him use his soft voice in a while.  “Hey peanut” You didn’t even question what the hell he was doing here, just brokenly stared at him as he sat with you.  “Eddie called me, I came as fast as I could” He told you, a hand resting on your shoulder and rubbing just a little.

“Eddie told you?” You asked weakly.  Richie sucked in his bottom lip and nodded.

You felt the shame crash over you again, more tears flowing down your cheeks.  Richie said something in a soft coo before engulfing you in his arms and pulling you in a tight hug.

“n/n, you can tell me anything you know I won’t judge you, or shame you, you know that” All you did was nod, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso.

“Henry….” Your voice cracked, unsure of how to tell him.  “He… he-he” You gasped for air, throat tight with tears.

“It’s okay… shh shh take your time” Richie told you, rubbing your back as you found your voice.

“He made me… he forced me too I couldn’t… I couldn’t get help” You cried  weakly.

Richie stiffened.

“I told my mom but she said I was a whore… that I was impure-”

“What?” Richie pulled away from you now, a hand on either of your shoulders.

“I tried to get help I did” You mumbled, sniffling.  His angry, hard eyes bored into yours.

“He did what?” Your big sad eyes closed, feeling embarrassed, and weak.

“I’m sorry I-I-I tried-”

“I’m going to kill him” Richie stood up, already turning towards the window again.  Ready to go let Henry Bowers meet his fist.  “He’s going to fucking regret the day he even looked at you y/n I swear to fucking God he’s going to pay for every second-”

“Richie” You pleaded, standing up and grabbing at his wrists frantically.  He turned to you, the boiling anger evident in his expression.  “He’s not worth it” You whispered.  He opened his mouth to protest, probably to tell you how he already had the plans made up.  But you spoke first.  “Please don’t leave me here” You said in a quieter tone.  “Please stay”

Richie sighed, tugging you closer softly and holding onto you.  You wrapped your arms up under his, burying your face in his hawaiian shirt that was too big for him.  He rubbed your back in smooth circles, setting his chin on top of your head and hushing your quieting cries calmingly.

“I won’t” He hummed.  “I won’t leave” He assured you.  You didn’t say anything, just closed your eyes and held onto him.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there hugging him before he helped you into bed, covering you in blankets and turning the lights off for you.

“It’s gonna be okay” He told you as kindly as he could, sitting on the side of the mattress and squinting to see your silhouette.  “I’m going to be here first thing in the morning, and you and I are going to get donuts, then we’re going to do whatever you want for the whole day okay?” You nodded, and he reached his hand out to squeeze yours momentarily.

“Don’t go get yourself into trouble” You told him, holding tighter onto his hand before he could pull away.  “I don’t want you to get hurt too”

He wanted to say no.  That he was going to go and defend your dignity, that he was going to beat Henry to a bloody pulp and make him wish he was never born.  To make him eat his own shoe and fucking humiliate the bastard to thoughts of suicide.  But Richie nodded.

“Okay” He agreed with a short sigh.  “If that’s what you want” He said, and you let go of his hand.  “But the second you even briefly think otherwise, you come straight to me” You nodded again.  And if this ever, ever even remotely happens again, you tell me right away, alright?”

“Alright” You whispered shakily.  Richie stood up, leaning over and tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I’m here for you, always” He reassured you, and you offered a small smile.  “Call if you need anything, or come over, whatever it takes, okay?” Another nod.  “Aright.  I’ll let you get some sleep, I’ll be back in the morning” Richie walked over to your window, casting you an anxious glance before swinging a leg over it.  “Goodnight beautiful”

“Goodnight Rich” You murmured back as he left without another sound.

As soon as he was gone you wished he was still right there next to you to hold on to.

The Third Incident: Junior Year (seventeen years old)

You giggled, hiccuping mid-giggle but continued to laugh even as you brought the small glass bottle to your lips again.

You’d been dancing around your room with a bottle of Brandy and listening to whatever shit song was playing on the radio.  Your body was loose as you swung around, sip after sip, getting further and further away from your own consciousness.  The only thing that could make this better than it already was would be-

“Hey!” A scolding voice called, and you grinned as you turned to see Richie, already halfway into your room.

“Riiichieee!” You called happily, skipping over to him and throwing your arms around his neck.  “Boy am I glad to see you!”

If he hadn’t known your parents were out of town for the whole weekend, he’d be worried about getting caught.

“What did I tell you?” He asked, snatching the bottle out of your loose grasp.

“Mmm that I suck at dancing?” You guessed in a slur of words.  Richie rolled his eyes.

“No” He stated.  “I told you, that you’re only allowed to drink when I’m here”  You frowned.

“You’re not my Mom” You accused, trying to take your liquor back, but your movements were slowed, so he pulled it back easily.

“No, but we have that rule to keep you safe” He told you.  He knew you were not in a rational state of mind and probably didn’t give two shits about your safety.

“Come on, just have some to drink so we can be drunk together” You whined, pushing his own hand towards his mouth.  It wasn’t the one holding the Brandy, which made him laugh, but he took a long drink anyways.  You grinned.  Richie always held his liquor better than you.

You’d done this three times now.

The first was just to experiment, you promised each other it would be just the two of you, and that you would try it together.  The second time was just after a long day, and the third….

Well not too long ago you went through this whole demonic clown thing (but that’s a whole other story entirely).  Basically this was a much needed night.

“You drink so nicely it’s nice to see it” Richie rose his brows, pushing his messy curls out of his eyes before taking another drink.

“What’s nice doll?” He asked, and you grinned widely at him, taking the bottle back and barely getting in a sip before he grabbed it again.  “Nah uh uh, you my dear are already hammered, give me a chance” He said with a chuckle.  You frowned, leaning forwards against him with a pout on your face.

“But I want sooommee… it’s my Brandy” You whined, chest completely against his.  Though he tried to ignore that detail.

“I’ll give you a cigarette for the rest of this” He offered, already pulling out his pack of Marlboro’s and a lighter.  You rolled your eyes slightly but took the cigarette and put it between your lips, letting him light it for you.

“Thanks” You hummed, taking a drag before pulling it away again.

“And what is this shit music you have playing? Fucking lame y/n” You didn’t care, just danced around offbeat to the tunes.

“I don’t care” You sing songed, leaning your head back to blow a puff of smoke up into the air.  “Not a single… fucking… care” You sighed, taking a long drag, this time blowing it in his face.  Richie grinned, throwing back the rest of the Brandy, and setting the empty bottle on the dresser.  “Come on dance with me Rich” You said, hips swinging around like you were hula hooping.

“You’re such a weird drunk” He chuckled, but took your free hand and spun you around.  You giggled, quickly taking another drag of the cigarette.

“Mmm” You hummed, and pulled his chin down to blow the smoke back into his mouth.  You laughed delightedly while he just looked at you confusedly.

“What the hell are you doing?” He mumbled as your arm hooked behind his neck.

“We’re dancinggg” You slurred, finishing off the cig and smushing it down onto your dresser, not caring about the mark it left.  Richie chuckled again, pulling you closer and shaking his head at you.

“Such a weird drunk”

“I am not” You said, as though he’d insulted you emotionally.  Richie just chuckled again, letting go of you to get out his own cigarette.  You twirled around on your own for a little bit before flopping back onto your bed.  “You should stay the night” You suggested, to which he shrugged.

“Not a bad idea.  Spend our hangovers together” He sighed, falling next to you.  Even though you were laying the wrong way on the bed.  You turned to look at him as he pulled out his box of Marlboros again.

“Mmm I won’t be” You said, and he burst out laughing as he lit his cigarette.

“Sure babe.  Sure” He replied sarcastically.  You rolled onto your side, but you lost balance and ended up half laying on Richie.

“Rich” Your brows contorted as you stared at him.  “You should kiss me”

He coughed on his drag.

“What the fuck did you just say?” He asked, both intrigued and confused.

“You should kiss me” You repeated, popping your lips in a kiss-like fashion.  “I’ve never been kissed before and prom’s coming up and I am not having prom sex without a first kiss” Richie’s expression turned puzzled, realizing you really hadn’t been kissed before, at least not that he’d known of.

“You’re drunk” He stated, shaking his head and getting rid of the thoughts of going along with it.

“Yeah” You smiled a loopy smile but shrugged your shoulders.  “But so? I trust you” You told him.  Richie sighed, really debating with himself.  “Come on Rich… it’s just a little kiss it’s not biggie” You said, already leaning down towards him.

It’s the biggest biggie, he thought, but kept his thoughts to himself.

You leaned down closer, eyes focused on his lips.  You smiled to yourself as you brushed your fingertips over his chin.  Richie watched you intently, removing the cigarette from his lips.

“y/n…” He said, almost warningly.  He wasn’t sure that he’d have the ability to push you away if you made a move.

“You always did have the prettiest lips” You said, fingers traveling to trace over them.  If you’d looked up to his eyes, you’d see how filled they were with adoration, love, emotion you might not have recognized on him before.

“Close your eyes” He mused softly, and you obliged, long lashes fluttering down against your cheeks.  Richie sighed, cupping a hand over your cheek and brushing his thumb over your soft skin a few times.  He fixed his glasses with his free hand, before leaning up and gently placing his lips against yours.

He’d kissed girls before, he was Richie Tozier, kissing girls was a bit of a reputation of his.  But it was never like this, one little innocent kiss.  And he’d never kissed you.  Hell, he never thought he’d had the chance.

He pulled away from you after years when he felt your lips move into a smile.  Your eyes were still shut, still lost in the moment of what you believed was the most perfect first kiss.

“That was nice” You told him, and he chuckled as he sat up, moving you to sit too.  Richie put the cigarette back in his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything.  Or something he shouldn’t.  “Is it always that nice?” You asked, back to your loopy smile.  He shook his head.

“No, no it isn’t” He answered honestly.  It’s never that nice.  You hummed to yourself and laid back in your bed again.

“That’s too bad” Was all you said on the matter before finding interest in your pillowcase instead.  Richie half smiled at you, moving up to lay next to you again, on his side this time.  He tried to keep his distance from you as you played with your pillow.

“Hey, do you remember when were in like… the third grade I think, and your mom told me to put a ring on your finger?” You laughed but shook your head.

“No” You said, and he swore he saw your eyes sparkle before you spoke up again.  “I knew that her and Dad used to argue about it” You told him, and his brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“Mom always wanted me to be with you.  Romanticallyyy” You sing songed and he would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so surprised.  “Dad didn’t like you though” Now he laughed.  Everyone with eyes could see how much Mr l/n despised Richie.

“Yeah.  Always told me I was crude and that cussing around you was no way to treat a lady” You shrugged in response.

“Not mom.  She knew the truth” You told him.  “You walked me everywhere and made sure I did my homework and chores, you treated me right I don’t know why my father cared so much about language” Richie smiled at you, even though you were staring at your ceiling now as you tried to recall earlier memories spent with the boy.

“Yeah” Was all Richie could think to say.  Though the words in his head were that of course he did his best to treat you right.  He loved you.

“I remember you taking your jacket off that one day we were walking home… it was dumping rain and you held it over me so I wouldn’t get wet” You chuckled.  “But your dumb ass got soaked to the bone, and you had to walk me home before going to your own house so you had to go even further in the rain”

“I didn’t want you to catch a fucking cold, I’m a good friend like that” You rolled your eyes, and took his cigarette for the last drag.

“Yeah” You sighed.  “You really shouldn’t smoke” You said to him, stumping the burnt out cig next to the other one on the dresser.  Richie just rolled his eyes.

“Time for me to go” He groaned as he tried to sit up.

“I thought you were staying” You said quietly, eyes saddening as he was about to leave.  Richie looked back at you, then got settled in again.

“Okay princess” He hummed, sliding under the covers with you.  “I’ll stay” You smiled, and wiggled up close to him, hands grabbing onto the front of his black sweater.  Richie watched with a curious awe as you cuddled right against him.

“Goodnight Richie” You yawned.  He sighed, petting your hair slightly.

“You’re going to be in a world of hangover pain tomorrow” He said with a quiet chuckle.

“That’d be okay” You whispered.

Before he could say any more to you, you let out a soft snore.  He just laughed as quietly as he could manage, and kissed the top of your head.

“Sleep well babe” He hummed.

It took him a while to get to sleep, too busy basking in you there clinging onto him.  And while in the morning you may forget all of this, he never would.

The Last Incident: The Summer After Senior Year (eighteen years old)

Richie Tozier was a lying, no good, fucking asshole.  And you never hated him more.

He promised.  He promised that he’d never leave you in this god forsaken town.  That it’d be you and him for the rest of your lives.  But all day today the Loser’s were all excitedly telling you about his plans to get out of here, to go to California for university.  And even worse, his flight was tonight.

He wasn’t even fucking staying for graduation!

You yelled angrily as you walked in the front door, slamming it behind you.  Instantly you realized that your parents weren’t home, or else they’d have your head for making such a ridiculous scene.

There were tears in your eyes, but none slipped out.  You were far to angry to cry.  Why would you cry? Your best friend, not to mention the boy you’d been in love with since junior high, was leaving for the other side of the fucking country! And he wasn’t even going to tell you.

A broken sound that was somewhere between a yell and a sob was forced out of your throat.  You dropped your bag to the ground, it’s weight becoming too heavy on your shoulders.  Another cry passed your lips, and you furiously wiped your eyes dry with the back of your hands.

You couldn’t remember the last time you actually cried.  And it made you feel weak.

“Fucking stop it” You mumbled to yourself, kicking off your shoes before storming up the stairs.  “Stop it y/n stop it stop stop-” Your own ramblings were cut off when you opened the door to your room.

The lights were off, as you’d left them when you’d gone to school this morning, except for one.  The lamp you kept by your bed for late night reading or last minute homework.

It’s soft glow was the only thing illuminating the silhouette of Richie Tozier.  Sitting on the edge of your bed, hands clasped together in his lap, hair more of a mess than usual.  You would’ve jumped out of shock, maybe even a moment of fear, but you were still angry.

“What.  The actual.  Fuck?” You grumbled out, eyes narrowing into slits as you stared at him.

“y/n-”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came in through the window I had to-”

“Richie just- will you just- will you leave?” He didn’t say anything, just sat there staring at you as you stood in your doorway.

“No” He said simply, but sighed as he stood up.  “Look y/n I have to talk to you-”

“I already know, don’t even bother” You mumbled.  Richie stood up abruptly, making you jump just slightly out of surprise.

“y/n please I need to tell you this” He said, and you froze up.  You didn’t say anything, just let him continue.  “The plan… the plan was to go to California” He sighed out, and you bristled up like a pissed off cat.

“I know” You said, voice dark with anger.  But even Richie could hear the underlying pain.

“I’m supposed to go tonight I uh… I’ve had this plane ticket for almost a week now” He said, reaching into the pocket of his black sweatshirt and pulling out the folded paper.  You stared at it, eyes welling with tears.

It was strange, seeing the proof of the situation right there in his hands.

“I was gonna go, I’m packed up right now, I was so ready to leave” A lazy smile was on his lips as he thought, but you saw right through it.  “You know I’ve been done with my parents since I was six so… so this wasn’t too hard to think about but uh…” He trailed off, and it was quiet before he let out a long breath.  “y/n I can’t leave without… I can’t leave without telling you… that…”

He sighed again, staring down at you.  Your brows scrunched together as he licked over his lips, a nervous habit he had.  You opened your mouth, about to ask him what was going on, but he spoke first.

“Agh, fuck it” He grumbled, stepping forward and cupping your face in his hands.  You were barely able to take in a breath before he crashed his lips against yours.  You let out a muffled noise, but nonetheless kissed him back.  Your hands shooting up into his long curls as you melted there against him.  Your body completely leaned against his, lips being captured in a second kiss.

Even when your lips were no longer touching, you didn’t pull away.  Your eyes didn’t even open.  In fear that your tears would begin to trek down your cheeks.

“y/n I’m in love with you, I love you, I think… I think I’ve always loved you” You opened your eyes now, staring at him with wet eyes.  “And I made you a promise when we were little, that I’d never leave this fucking town without you”

You sucked in a sharp breath as you realized where he was going with this.  Your tears finally falling and your palms covered by your sleeves as you slid your hands to frame his face.

“I can’t leave without you princess” He breathed, reaching back into his pocket, your eyes followed his every move, as he pulled out another ticket.  You gasped, a hand covering your mouth.

“Rich” You cried, and he smiled as he wiped your tear stained cheeks with his free hand.

“This… this is for you, if you want it” He said.  You looked back up at him.  “And you don’t have to take it, I know it’s fast so if you don’t want it-”

“Richie” You breathed, taking the one way ticket to a new life, and standing on the tips of your toes to press your lips against his, a short and sweet kiss, but one that still made your chest constrict with butterflies.  “I love you too” You whispered, fluttering your lashes open to see his squeezed shut tight.  “I’d follow you anywhere trashmouth” You whispered, and he opened his eyes as he smiled.  You grinned back, adjusting his glasses to be straight.

“I don’t want to drag you away from your home” He said with a drop in his tone.  He wanted more than anything for you to come with him, but he was scared of letting you down in the end.  Like he always felt like he did.

You giggled, surprising him.  You shook your head at him, circling your arms around his neck and pecking his lips once, twice more.

“Richie Tozier, you are my home.  And I’m not letting you leave the town without me, much less the fucking state” He chuckled at your language, always fond of one of the few things that he’d rubbed off onto you.  “You’re my best friend and I… I can’t let you leave without me” his smile softened as he brushed his fingers through your hair.

“You’re the only home I ever knew y/n” He told you, holding onto your face like you were the most fragile thing on earth.  “I’d never leave you behind, not here in this shitty town… not ever”

And you hugged him, tightly, pressing your face into his sweatshirt and smiling widely.

He was the only home you ever knew too.

i’ve been on a richie kick i’m sorry to those of you who don’t read for him 

xoxo ~ jordie

[torchkeeper]

Never-Ending Survey: Gan Arulaq

Rules: Repost, do not reblog

Tagged by: I steal and have no dignity @lightdevoid

Tagging:  Nah

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Gan Arulaq

NICKNAME: see bio but also most common one is Fool

AGE:  20

BIRTHDAY:  (8/17) 17th Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon

ETHNIC GROUP: Au Ra || Xaela

NATIONALITY: N/A

LANGUAGE/S:  Arulaq dialect (and near total deviation from Xaelic standard), Eorzean Common, good luck with anything else lmao 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Bisexual

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single

HOME TOWN / AREA: A really, really, really remote mountain valley on the Azim Steppe

CURRENT HOME:  Not too close but not too far from his master

PROFESSION: himbo respected adventurer/peacekeeper and works with the Scions when needed

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Short red and black hair that i chose bc the cut is closest to Him

EYES: he green and theyre glowy cuz...Limbal Rings hell yea

FACE: c h i n, bright eyes, naturally dramatic expressions 

LIPS: half thicc but they gave up

COMPLEXION: light copper, like when you see Mars surface from space

BLEMISHES: No 

SCARS: Not a lot tbh, I would say just one or two that are serious and lots more (but still low) that are just from mundane things

TATTOOS: No

HEIGHT: 7′1

WEIGHT: 200 ponz

BUILD: B i g, athletic and lean

FEATURES: big hands! long tail! big horns! he is a stretched JPEG brought to life, deep mischievous voice

ALLERGIES: None he is cleaner than a whistle

USUAL HAIR STYLE: He is combing it back daily (even if its short) or whenever it gets out of place, rarely touches his thin bangs tho

USUAL FACE LOOK:  like he’s trying to figure out math and losing, confused at something, or smiling and laughing

USUAL CLOTHING: If he needs to wear clothes he Must show his titties somehow, even if just a bit, also shorts/capris but sometimes sleek form fitting pants- honestly my inspo was JJBA characters but replicate it through what FFXIV has

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S: Dying to leave his son behind, failure especially toward someone he values, not being enough

ASPIRATION/S: To make his loved ones proud of him, making the world a better place where he can (that can be from treating individuals kindly to world saving events)

POSITIVE TRAITS: Loyal, funny, courteous, determined in resolving serious conflicts, gravitates by instinct to help others

NEGATIVE TRAITS:  Naive, stubborn, oblivious, can get in over his head and harm himself in the process

TEMPERAMENT: Easy going and can be emotional

ANIMALS: Chocobo, birds, turtles, horses

VICE HABIT/S: More food in one sitting than a person should have-pays for it later with his stomach (a habit Vaste gave him), when he gets confused he needs a moment to get his emotion out before he rationalizes, easily focuses on one thing at a time

FAITH: Makes his head hurt so he doesn’t really bother

GHOSTS?: Yes, he’s heard many stories about the ones that follow Vaste, Ardbert’s WoDs are now the foster family he doesn’t know he has

AFTERLIFE?: Yes, see above

REINCARNATION?: Yes

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Are you corrupt and abusing power? You die

EDUCATION LEVEL: Virtually none, only knows survival skills and things he’s been taught or observed on the road, he can kinda read and has his master helping him (but really him and her are both not great she’s still at a junior high level and he’s close behind- Alphinaud and others are their teachers)

FAMILY.

FATHER : Ded

MOTHER : Ded

SIBLINGS : No

EXTENDED FAMILY: Ded

NAME MEANING/S: Bold in Mongolian 

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: None specific other than traditionally being considered a strong boys name, thus respected

FAVORITES.

BOOK: He loves any book he’s managed to read on his own, his recipe books are A+ to him

DEITY: He doesnt follow it but Rhalgar’s pretty metal

HOLIDAY: Moonfire Faire

MONTH: Finding pretty places in all of them

SEASON: Summer

PLACE: Can’t choose

WEATHER:  Sunny and fair, some breeze, he doesn’t mind cold too much as he was raised in it but not his first pick, rain

SOUND / S: Water, horse hooves, bubbling food he’s making, laughter, cicadas

SCENT / S: Food, herbs, the sea, wild plants like in a forest

TASTE / S: Spicy food, smoked food, stuff that has a sense of kick and weight

FEEL / S:

ANIMAL / S: Birds, turtles, horses, but he’s also unafraid to mess with non lethal snakes, scaring Vaste half to death in the process

NUMBER: Makes his head hurt

COLORS: Blues, reds, dark purple, black, orange

EXTRA.

TALENTS: He can bake, he can cook- The Bismarck should hire him, horseback riding via his childhood, spear fighting, telling jokes and lighting people up from bad moods

BAD AT: Fully recognizing what others want if they aren’t clear about it, doesn’t like guns so his aim with them is bad, complex math, opening up when he’s annoyed

TURN ONS: Shiina, people who he finds pretty, kind, and made with a tough will

TURN OFFS: Cruelty and sadism (as in getting off on pain/murder, fear, and humiliation that dehumanizes others, not the BDSM), people who are rude and demand a lot or walk all over others thinking they’re above everything

HOBBIES: Baking, sewing, training, practicing his reading, sightseeing

TROPES: Gentle giant, big muscles not as big brain, shy but passionate romantic, loyal to his friends

QUOTES: “What is Courage? Courage is knowing fear and making that fear your own!” - William A. Zeppeli

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?      

A1 :  Wes Anderson directed mayhem similar in tone to The Grand Budapest Hotel covering his life in short so far (I would’ve said Satoshi Kon too but he unfortunately passed years ago)

Q2 :  What would their soundtrack/score sound like?          

A2 : Yoko Kanno, which speaks for itself because how do you even begin pinpointing Kanno’s work to one thing

Q3 :  Why did you start writing this character?        

A3 : Haven’t rly yet but I’d like to, love the idea of that (and the one time I did “write” for him tumblr ate it)

Q4 : What first attracted you to this character?        

A4 : I was playing with CC a year ago and when he came out I loved him immediately

Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5 :  He can be mature and responsible but he’s still young enough to rush into things

Q6 :  What do you have in common with your muse?          

A6 :  I’m decent at cooking, I have some horseback riding experience, I hate when I can’t understand someone and I get an impulse to act over think at emotional peaks

Q7 :  How does your muse feel about you?        

A7 :  He is confused and horrified to now know he’s basically a Sim but in an FF game

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?

A8 : His mentor/best friend, his lover, his son bc he is the sweetest dad, someone new

Q9 :  What gives you inspiration to write your muse?    

A9 : I don’t fully understand yet which is why I started this blog, but putting him in in-jokes and memes is definitely a factor lmao

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete?  

A10 : I did part of it during an all nighter then passed out, woke up to finish

[deveharrington]

To anon, and you know who you are, lmao - the key to successful sugar babying is ROLE-PLAYING, and knowing how to distinguish your “role” from your real identity.

THEREFORE things become dangerous when one participant (or both) has no genuine identity to revert back into outside of the fantasy. 

Therefore: fantasy becomes reality!!!!!!

Disclaimer: The following are theories and not facts!!!! 

(Thank you for this, anon, I’m grateful for the very interesting topics being brought up in my inbox but I find at times that I cannot post the actual messages because I can’t fully support or even expose some of the language or some of the insinuations. But I’ll try to say my piece if it can do anything to express my gratitude for a well thought out anon message. I’d love to hear any input you have on this, anon!)

[THEORY 1] I considered this kind of arrangement with regards to David’s situation and theoretically I could see David trying to dress it up as something other than sugar babying because he doesn’t want to be held to those responsibilities of having to distinguish between role-play/reality, he doesn’t want to be held to the responsibilities of work/pay, he wants to manipulate the fantasy free of any business demands etc. And obviously to state it as sugar babying outright would make it less romantic. 

Maybe the bottom line is that being straightforward would expose David, expose the rules, expose the intentions, expose the fact that the fantasy doesn’t exist, and make him look bad, and of course these are all unacceptable to him. 

Bottom bottom line: theoretically, if we follow this line of thinking, he would be so unfair here that its unreal. Even if this were proper sugar babying there would be so many injustices (See: Theories 7 and 8) but if it is actual sugar babying behaviour that David is masking with a fantasy or with words then it is not even on the level of straight injustice. Am I making any sense (it makes sense in my head, lmao).

I will post here what theory I think is the closest to David’s situation (Theory 7):

** Maybe they gain more pleasure from the mental manipulation than the actual role-play - IN THIS CASE they have fooled you so beyond fooling that maybe you think the relationship to them is about affection, sex, love, attention, companionship but it is not even about that!!! It is about POWER!!!

For example, it seems that conquering the body is not enough for David here, he has to conquer the mind, even the person’s life trajectory. It’s just something to consider and please remember going forward that these are theories. 

[THEORY 2] I really do not recommend this line of work unless you are very very very STRONG emotionally, mentally, intellectually and very strong in your sense of IDENTITY. You have to know how to detach your emotions, you have to be very smart in reading social cues, you have to be able to stand up for yourself (therefore, know yourself first), you have to be able to barter in a professional/strong way, in fact, you have to be professional period. And who is demonstrating that they are not at all professional or literally have no idea how to be professional (hint: posting images and videos that are clear violations of privacy on social media are not professional… at all)?

Be critical of the social media portrait of sugar babying, do not fully believe the still image that cannot capture the movement of reality. Do not believe people who feel the need to constantly drop hints, justify, prove, show off, demonstrate etc. Don’t bother trying to make sense of what they are saying (social media messages are heavily manipulated), but instead try to consider why they are saying these things. 

DO believe that there is a difference between a mature woman who is aware of who they are and an easily swayed young girl with only social media images to inform her and do believe that the difference between these two females is nothing that we can see with our eyes. Again, just be critical of social media depictions of sugar babying. 

[THEORY 3] This is kind of the danger: when the women who are courted for this business are courted solely because they are young. And I’m NOT saying you can’t be young and be smart, or stand up for yourself, or know yourself. I’m also not saying that it is always young, impressionable women who are courted, but theoretically, David’s situation demonstrates that that is the case here. 

[THEORY 4] The issue is that: SOME MEN WILL NOT MAKE THE TERMS CLEAR!!! This is how a man would cheat you in this arrangement: They will not distinguish between the roleplay/persona/mask and their actual self, they will not let you distinguish yourself from your own role-play, or they may not even let you develop yourself in any way (!!!), they will not admit that to them this is all about fantasy, they will not care if your feelings start to get involved (and this would be the kiss of death for the woman’s mental strength), they will just try to cover all of the injustices/red flags by spoiling you/surprising you/overwhelming you or manipulating you emotionally, psychologically etc. 

[THEORY 5] Consider: they also take advantage of your lack of experience by spoiling you or introducing you to new things, they surprise you with new things because when you are so young, basically everything is new to you!!! 

And when you are in a state of surprise, shock, being overwhelmed etc. you are very VULNERABLE!!! You are vulnerable to suggestion, to devotion, to becoming a blind admirer. 

[THEORY 6] But to the older men who have seen it all and done it all, its just a game!!! And IF they do not make the terms clear then it is because they do not want to admit to you that they are manipulating you and gaining pleasure from surprising you, attacking you, bombarding you, and swaying your perspective, shaping your mind, shaping your arguments, shaping your words. 

[THEORY 7] The biggest danger: you lose yourself. When you take on this line of work, AND you cannot distinguish between the role and your true identity, then you must have the strength and honesty to admit that you are the enemy of women.

But usually this is the product of the man’s negligence: Again, I only apply this to when a woman in this line of work becomes unable to distinguish the role play from the reality (and usually this happens due to the man’s manipulations - it is the man’s fault!!!). 

There is no way around it but you are entitled to act however you want to act. You are free to do what you want, but please above all do not lie:

You do the disservice, the regression, you act against women. You perpetuate this idea to men that women ARE objects, actresses, for sale, for validation, that their words have no meaning except to men, that their attention has no meaning except to men, that women cannot sustain themselves etc. etc. This is why I say that you must be very very strong. 

BUT most likely the man is manipulating the situation to lead YOU to start to believe and express these things because the men gain the pleasure from THAT. 

** Maybe they gain more pleasure from the mental manipulation than the actual role-play - IN THIS CASE they have fooled you so beyond fooling that maybe you think the relationship to them is about affection, sex, love, attention, companionship but it is not even about that!!! It is about power!!!

Again, its a fine line. and i’m not saying all women in these arrangements are enemies, just the ones who buy into the regressive messages to please the man, the ones who really actually do rely on the man for everything: including their own identity. This is where things get tricky because if the woman is this weak/lost then they are open to being fooled into thinking they are in a legitimate/fair/good situation. Again, it most likely can be traced back to the man’s negligence and manipulations. 

And if the woman is made victim I don’t want to blame the victim in any way. The responsibility is that of the man if he is dominating the woman’s mind. 

It all comes back to: you have to know the difference between the role-play and the reality. And since the man is older, more in control, has all the resources, then he should be the one to take responsibility. 

[THEORY 8] BUT THERE IS ANOTHER CATCH: Even when the woman is at her most powerful in the sugar babying, there is still a degradation. Even when the terms are made clear to the woman and she understands them and is allowed her own agency and she is acting within her own agency, she is still objectifying the desperate man for money. It is still a dehumanization, an objectification. This woman is now the enemy of humans. 

At its worst, women are degraded and at its best, humans are degraded. And, it is always the woman who enacts the degradation!!!! The male provides the mentality, the woman acts it out!! Recall with David: lack of taking responsibility, lack of wanting to get their own hands dirty. 

There is no situation in which men specifically suffer or are degraded. There is no situation in which the toxic message this kind of situation sends is ever challenged. At best, both parties play along with the message. It is not a line of work of dignity. 

[THEORY 9] Here is another danger: it looks too good to be true, it looks like YOU are the one taking advantage of the male at little to no cost to yourself.

BUT THEN you have to ask: if this game is so easy, why is the man playing it to begin with? 

And here is where stark reality sets in: he is truly inadequate, he cannot relate to people his own age/at his own stage in life (and therefore, you must ask “why?”), he is extremely lonely, he is dysfunctional in real-world healthy relationships, he prefers fantasy to reality...

And the worst possible scenario: he just likes to play games. He is literally playing a game just for the sake of playing. Just playing with no mind to the emotional/mental/personal repercussions of their partner because their partner is just a component of the game like a soccer ball. 

This kind of game is not even a recognizable soccer game with two teams, a clear goal, and someone keeping score. If the situation is unfair, what the man is doing is deliberately making the game unrecognizable, so you cannot even call out which rules are being violated. 

This game looks more like one person on their own just kicking around the soccer ball for fun, playing around according to their own rules, their own time, their own preferences. And who is the player and who is the played in this situation if you have no idea who you are or what you want?