#die bielefeldverschwörung

[animestan69]

Seit zwei Jahren 'arbeite' (it's all in my head) ich wegen dir an einer Bibliotheks-mockumentary um meine eigenen Erlebnisse auf Arbeit kreativ umzusetzen. Es geht um ein sechsköpfiges Team und das alltägliche Chaos und Miteinander und natürlich gibt es oft genug persönliche Befindlichkeiten auszutragen. Was die sechs aber immer vereint: Sie alle sind Anhänger der belächelten Verschwörungstheorie der literarischen Welt: gks

GKS could be the new Bielefeldverschwörung if only yall had my back which none of you do

[newtafterdark]

“In einer Stadt die es nicht gibt, auf einer Frequenz die ansonsten keiner in Deutschland empfangen kann, sendet Radio Bielefeld sein Programm in die Nacht.

Ob Meldungen über die ein oder andere Nixen-Abschlussfeier im Brackweder Naturbad die mal wieder am Wochenende ausgeartet ist, eine Gruppe von Düsseldorfern die es irgendwie geschafft haben ALLE Sicherheitsmaßnahmen der Stadtgrenzen zu umgehen (trotz Bemühungen des Stadtrats alle Schilder die das Wort “Bielefeld” enthalten für Nicht-Bielefelder unlesbar zu machen), oder Hinweise auf leicht beschwipste Geistermönche am Weinmarkt die die ansässigen Wirte doch bitte ein Taxi nach Hause bestellen sollten, Radio Sprecher ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️  hält seine Zuhörer immer auf dem neusten Stand der Dinge.”

Wenn es eine Stadt in Deutschland gibt die es verdienen würde einen “Welcome to Night Vale” Ableger zu bekommen, ist es definitiv Bielefeld! :D

@official-deutschland @official-nordrheinwestfalen @official-bielefeld

[official-nordrheinwestfalen]

Ein bekannter sucht verzweifelt nach dem Film die Bielefeld Verschwörung von 2010. Wir sind uns nicht ganz sicher ob er überhaupt exestiert. Kannst du evtl ein Machtwort sprechen ?

Ihr meint bestimmt diesen Film hier, richtig?

In der Video Beschreibung steht “Ein Projekt der Fakultät für Erziehungswissenschaften der Universität Bielefeld.”, also könenn wir davon ausgehen, dass es den Film überhaupt nicht gibt, sondern halt nur dieser Trailer produziert wurde.

Außer, dass man den “Film” auf Filmstarts finden kann [x], gibt es im Internet sonst keine weiteren Infos.

Der “Film” ist also genau so wie Bielefeld selbst, man hat von ihm gehört, aber niemand hat ihn je wirklich gesehen.

DAS ist Kunst.

[katastrophentourismus]

Ich hab gesehen, dass du schonmal die Treppe ins nichts in der Uni Bielefeld geteilt hast. Eine Außenansicht wäre es meiner Meinung nach auch Wert hier auf der Liste zu stehen

Momente, in denen man sich wünscht, die Bielefeldverschwörung wäre real.

[dl4draws]

hiii delfi! good morning! your past abt the US and its shitty geography were the first thing i read today and uhh i'm not very informed on US geography so that was a lesson and a half lmao

anywayy u said u wanted to hear more country shenanigans so let me provide u with some bullshit that germany has to offer!

as far as shitty geography goes, we don't have too much going on because we're not that big. we have 16 states ("Bundesländer") in total, 3 of which are "Stadtstaaten" (=city-states) which basically means that they are both a state and the state's capital at once (those three are Hamburg, Bremen, and Berlin - yes, Berlin as in the capital of Germany). One thing that is kind of similar to the US and their north/south/west/whatever states is that we have three states that are called Sachsen (Saxony), Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony), and Sachsen-Anhalt (Saxony-Anhalt). I can't tell you why they're all called Sachsen, they just are. We also have a state called Saarland which is (jokingly) the Alabama of Germany. No idea where that joke came from but everybody likes to make fun of Saarland.

One thing that I personally find hilarious is that we have cities with the same names, too. My favourite example is Frankfurt. There's one Frankfurt that is a huge city, incredibly important, I believe the headquarters of the European Central Bank as well as a lot of other banks are situated in Frankfurt. But officially we call this gigantic important city "Frankfurt am Main" (Main is a river that Frankfurt is next to, "Frankfurt next to the Main") as to not offend some town with 10 times less inhabitants that also happens to be called Frankfurt (Frankfurt an der Oder, another river). We don't add the name of the state to specify the town like the US does, we take the nearest river or sometimes the administrative districts it's in (Haag in Oberbayern, for example, which is "Haag in Upper Bavaria").

Okay useless geography lesson over, now for the funnier bits! (idk why i even put all the geography here ooof sorry)

The most well known fuckery is probably the "Bielefeldverschwörung" (Bielefeld conspiracy). Basically, all of Germany has collectively decided that the city Bielefeld in North Rhine-Westphalia does not exist. Anything that might prove us wrong is simply the work of aliens. It's basically a meme that the entire country accepted as fact. Bielefeld does not exist. (The origin is that some college students in the 90's had a running gag about Bielefeld not being real and it caught on on the internet. The plan was to prove the conspiracy theories, no matter how outlandish they are, can and will be defended even if they are blatantly wrong. It's hilarious imo)

Another thing is the Sprachbarriere (language barrier? is that a thing?). Every state has a different dialect and even the districts have different dialects sometimes. Some of the dialects aren't that unintelligible but then there are others where you think you suddenly entered a different country because you simply don't understand anything. Yes technically, we all speak German. But the only actual universal language is hochdeutsch (=high german, which really doesn't mean anything other than "normal german").

There are so many dialects!

Personally, I'm from the south of Germany. Rural Upper Bavaria (Oberbayern) to be exact. Here, people speak oberbayrisch and it's sometimes impossible to understand - even for me, someone who has lived here all their life but doesn't speak it (because my parents aren't from here and don't speak it either).

There are other notorious dialects, like the Berliner Schnauze (can't think of a literal translation other than "Berlin snout" rn, it's basically just the dialect in Berlin), which might seem pretty rude and harsh to non-Berlin folks, but it's not meant to be rude.

Another example is Plattdeutsch ("flat german"?) which is spoken in the north. I don't know much about it but it sounds funny.

Then there is sächsisch. My favourite dialect of them all because i can imitate it and it's so funny. It's spoken in Saxony.

Another one that I like a lot is schwäbisch (=swabian). It's spoken in Baden Württemberg, particularly in central and southern Württemberg. It's pretty nuanced with several versions and it's almost impossible to understand tbh. Most of my family is from the Swabian Alb, so technically i should be able to understand it but oh boy do i have difficulties!

There are a lot more that i'm not talking about here tho because i don't know them!

With all those regional differences in language there are also some differences in what we call certain things and we WILL fight over those.

An example are bread rolls. You see, in Bavaria we call them "Semmel", in Baden-Württemberg we call them "Weckle" (i think that's how it's spelled but i'm not sure), in Thuringia we call them "Brötchen" (that's what i call them too), and in Berlin they're "Schrippen". I know I probably didn't mention all the versions but these are the ones i know. We fight about that. Daily. My family is a fun mix of Baden-Württemberg, Thuringia, and Bavaria, so everyday we argue about whether it's Brötchen, Semmeln, or Weckle. Nobody wins. (Brötchen are superior tho. Fight Me.)

The same thing happens for pancakes (Eierkuchen or Pfannkuchen) and another baked thing that I don't know the proper English name of. We call them Berliner, Krapfen, Pfannkuchen, Kreppel, Puffel, and probably so many other things lmao. Nobody ever wins but it's bound to start a fight.

Same thing goes for Nutella. German has three articles, a masculine one (der), a feminine one (die), and a neutral one (das). People will argue about the grammatical gender of Nutella. Personally I believe it's "das Nutella" and everything else is an atrocity.

Okay wow, I spent over an hour typing this up and it's probably so boring ahshasga i'm sorry delfi i didn't mean to dump all that on you!

omg yes thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this (an hour omfg), it was extremely interesting to read!!!!!!

okay so first things first, berlin is literally the best and i went only once but i honestly would love to move there, my only problem is: i have no clue how to speak/read german and from reading this it’s gonna be difficult even trying to learn (with all the different dialects) 

skdhaksdhs so many sachsens oh my god, also does literally every country have an alabama???????? ours is santiago del estero lol

the Frankfurt case is nice tho, bc yes it is the same name, but they did the thing i like which is “virginia but to the left”, but with rivers gkfhgfsdfghj

i am SO sorry germans but Bielefeldverschwörung looks like a keysmash ashgdhasgdhsjgdkjasd I'm so sorry, also Bielefeldverschwörung??? i know no Bielefeldverschwörung (am i doing this right?) 

having so many dialects is insane omg?? we have different accents here, not dialects. at least i’m not aware of argentina having different dialects, that’s mostly for argentina and other spanish speaking countries. for example in spain in they use coger in the to grab something meaning (i have been scrolling on my camera roll for about 15 minutes looking for the meme) (FOUND IT)

german is so nice to listen to, i actually listen to asmr zeitgeist’s german videos a lot because not understanding anything with the soft whispers make my brain go zzzzzzz 

thank you so much for sharing all of these amazing facts!!! had a blast reading everything!!!

[currywurstundquarantaene]

Bielefeld: o Acre alemão

Então, não é só o Brasil que tem partes inexistentes. A cidade de Bielefeld, no noroeste alemão, que supostamente tem 340.000 habitantes e é a 18ª maior cidade alemã, na verdade não existe. O raciocínio é simples:

1) Você conhece alguém de Bielefeld? 2) Você já foi a Bielefeld? 3) Você conhece alguém que já foi pra Bielefeld?

Muito provável que você tenha dito não para todas essas perguntas, mas também, se você de algum jeito puder responder sim, não tem como ter 100% que Bielefeld existe. Mapas? Falsos. Fotos? Tiradas em outros lugares. Vídeos? CGI. Memórias falsas e implantadas, atores, placas colocadas pela SIE (uma agência de inteligência ultrasecreta) em acordo com o governo em um grande esquema nacional... Das ist die Bielefeldverschwörung! [esta é a conspiração de Bielefeld!]

Essa teoria da conspiração é prova de que os alemães tem sim senso de humor (pelo menos até uma certa medida). Tudo começou em 1994, quando um estudante da Universidade de Kiel, Achim Held, publicou em uma espécie de fórum chamado Usenet: “Bielefeld gibt es nicht” [Bielefeld não existe].

Divisão da Alemanha: Azul: faz piadas sobre Bielefeld não existir Vermelho: odeia piadas sobre Bielefeld não existir (é a localização da cidade)

A piada foi crescendo tanto, que em 1999 a cidade de Bielefeld realizou uma campanha oficial chamada Bielefeld gibt es doch! [Bielefeld existe sim]. O problema? A campanha foi lançada no Primeiro de Abril. Piada pronta. Hoje em dia basicamente é uma piada interna da Alemanha toda. Até a Merkel entrou oficialmente na brincadeira. Em 2012, durante um discurso, ela estava comentando alguma coisa sobre Bielefeld e acrescentou: "...so es denn existiert" [se é que ela existe]. E ainda falou, "Ich hatte den Eindruck, ich war da" [Tinha a impressão de ter estado lá].

Para alguns, a piada já está velha.  "Bielefeld é mecionada" "Hehe, mas Bielefeld nem existe" "Gênio do humor"

Em 2019, a agência de marketing que representa a cidade lançou um concurso com o grande prêmio de um milhão (!) de euros para quem conseguisse provar a inexistência de Bielefeld, falando que 99.99% dos argumentos poderiam ser refutados. Ninguém conseguiu, e hoje há um monumento comemorando o fim dessa teoria da conspiração.

Bom, eu nunca fui a Bielefeld, nem conheço quem tenha ido. Continuo com minhas dúvidas.

Bis morgen!

[coffeenewstom]

Gute Laune mit dem Bielefeld-Home-Office-Paket

Eine Verschwörungstheorie behauptet, dass die Stadt Bielefeld nicht existiere, sondern sämtliche Hinweise auf ihre Existenz nur Teil und Werk der groß angelegten Bielefeldverschwörung seien. Die Existenz der Stadt Bielefeld werde der Bevölkerung vorgetäuscht, um an dieser Stelle etwas ganz anderes zu verbergen. Im Rahmen eines Wettbewerbs, einen unwiderlegbaren Beweis für die Nichtexistenz…

[irrationally-linguaphile]

Also, ich muss ein kurzes Referat auf Deutsch schreiben und wir können über irgendwelches Thema sprechen... Vielleicht habe ich mir die Bielefeldverschwörung ausgesucht