#die bestie oh my god i fucking hate that shit ao much

[smolgaie]

dude im such a fucking tranny i want a fucking vagina dude im not even kidding oh my god why why why why why why i hate it why is it like that i hate it its gross i hate it. Like. I am not male why why why i hate it i want to be cis holy shit. Im never gonna pass which is like ok whatever yaknow take the cards your dealt but seriously? i have to have Peen too? I'll fuckin deal with social rejection but i have to have a body i am disgusted by? and if i get really lucky i get a pussy thats just. Like there are results that are really good and super cool and stuff. but. odds stack up to it just. looking like everything else in my transition made me look like. I dont look like a woman i look like a tranny. Like i almost dont want to get anything done down there because i know at the end of the day there will be this impassable million mile wide gap between myself, and whatever bar cis women are born on the other side of. I can wear the same clothes and do my makeup and voice train and do everything in my power, to the best of my ability, and STILL. if you put me and a cis gal next to each other, the difference will be stark and resounding and obvious. And it will be the same. Tons of effort and stress and tears and hoping just for what i know will be a crushing, resounding, deafening fucking dud.

I dont care about the not passing so much as i care about having been lied to by places like transtimelines and shit. People halfway as far as me, who are already there. Did i not try enough? did i not want it enough? am i not deserving as much as them? what did they do i didnt.

i went into this expecting to look like a cis woman by now. I now understand i never was gonna. I never will. I will not. ever. look. female. but im too far in now. Im locked in for the rest of my life as fucking this.

And when i get bottom surgery, it will be the same fucking shit.

i want to fucking dieeeeeeeeee oh my god.