#didnt wanna put the person on blast

[letsbegoodtoeachother]

if one of you comes into my askbox with this typa shit again im closing it for good

[lunarflare64]

Oh I can help with this! I very much keep up to date with me/cfs and pots research, having both conditions myself, so lets begin

First of all, starting from the top, yes the Long COVID diagnosis is annoying, but unfortunately the criteria is literally just having a post-viral illness after COVID. A large portion of Long COVID patients do fit the myalgic encephalomyelitis diagnostic criteria, but not all of them. And the ME/CFS scientific community isn't complaining because having the condition connected to COVID like this has given them SOOOOOO much research money. Like, guys, this condition was basically not being studied at all before, they just couldn't get the funding. Its annoying, its a pain in the ass, and these "reinventing the wheel" moments HURT people, but even if you do have an me/cfs diagnosis doctors DO NOT like being told not to prescribe exercise. Any doctor that doesn't specialise in me/cfs will do it anyway. Its unfortunately just the norm. (The hope is that the COVID research and funding will boost awareness and kick those asshole doctors down a peg)

Secondly, for those who aren't aware and were confused about POTS being brought up, me/cfs and POTS are highly comorbid, to the point that POTS is actively mentioned in any (good) me/cfs diagnostic criteria you're looking at (yes there are multiple)

And finally, RESOURCES!

MEpedia - the wiki for me/cfs, this place is HUGE, definitely recommend exploring it

The me/cfs International Consensus Criteria Primer - slide this on over to your doctors to dodge or at least speed through some bullshit (and take a read yourself, its the favored diagnostic criteria for a reason)

POTS UK - is an alright place to start early on when you're trying to figure out what's what

Standing Up To POTS - a podcast run by a non-profit, they cover the latest research, do various interviews with doctors and specialists, have "diary" entries of people who have POTS and their journeys, and occasionally cover comorbid illness topics like me/cfs and MCAS (I was listening to this podcast when I came across this post actually)

UNRAVELED Patreon - the paywall is unfortunate, but here's essentially a free trial of what this podcast is about - be ready to cry if you've dealt with a lot of medical gaslighting, these two are real doctors who actually spend time with their patients

This me/cfs cookbook thats in the works - please support the gofundme linked in this, this cookbook would be a lifesaver, I want it so bad

Full Transcript at the link; 3-minute listen.

Quote:

By taking biopsies from long COVID patients before and after exercising, scientists in the Netherlands constructed a startling picture of widespread abnormalities in muscle tissue that may explain this severe reaction to physical activity.

Among the most striking findings were clear signs that the cellular power plants, the mitochondria, are compromised and the tissue starved for energy.

"We saw this immediately and it's very profound," says Braeden Charlton, one of the study's authors at Vrije University in Amsterdam.

The tissue samples from long COVID patients also revealed severe muscle damage, a disturbed immune response, and a buildup of microclots.

"This is a very real disease," says Charlton. "We see this at basically every parameter that we measure."

[gamblersdoll]

Guts takes Nerd's virginity at a wild school party while drunk, Their relationship will change after that for better or worse, write what you find most realistic. :D

tw: dubcon, oral (f), p in v, virginity loss, alcohol for those who aren’t into this kind of setting, this is somewhat new to me as well. please DNI if this isnt your cup of tea

you debated on going, you really did.

parties werent your thing, but you felt drawn to it, to the experience. however, you had absolutely no reason to go. you know, no friends, no reputation, (except for being a nerdaholic,) and no interest in alcohol or anything.

but what if.. he were there? that would be the only reason you would or could go.

damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

the music blasted your ears, practically banging into your eardrums. your couldnt hear anything, yet you heard everyones thoughts. their faces said it all. you didn’t have to hear them.

“she actually came?”

“maybe she thought it was some study group.”

“how much you wanna bet that she leaves in five minutes?”

many faces that you saw. confused, pitiful, disgusted, disappointed. but you stayed to yourself, keeping your head low and just trying to enjoy yourself. the smell of alcohol burned your nose, seeing several spiked punch bowls and the obvious hard liqueur. everyone seemed experienced with the alcohol.

you felt someone bump into you, turning your head and looking at the person responsible.

guts.

he didnt look your way, obviously looking for someone else or something else. it didnt bother you, you were just somewhat happy that he was there. you looked to the punch bowl, deciding that you could relax, yet be safe.

you have never tasted something so strong, obviously someone doesnt know how to evenly measure liqueur and juice together. because you tasted more liqueur than fruit punch. like, only a damn hint.

but you felt so warm in your chest, your tummy, your arms. it was like a warm burn, a comfortable one. you were in a room by yourself, at least. just being able to be at a party counts, right? you honestly dont know why you even came, but for guts…

what the hell are you thinking?

you didnt show up for him, that damn brute.

you took another gulp, immediately swallowing the god awful liquid and feeling that same burn again in your chest.

you were fucked, a lightweight at that. what the hell were you thinking? youre not gonna want to wake up early tomorrow. you couldnt even stand, not like this. you go try to take another sip, but someone slams open the door to the secluded room.

guts peaks his head in, making eye contact with you. “so youre still here. why?” he questions, closing the door and closing the distance between you both.

you reeked of the alcohol, he could smell it on you. “holy shit– are you drunk? i didnt know that the nerd could drink!” he laughs, putting a hand on your shoulder. he’s hysterical.

you look up at him, eyes glossy and puffy, your chest feeling like it’s burning, but somehow you were able to reach up and kiss him. he muffles a protest for a moment, yet, he wraps his arms around you. he greedily shoves his tongue into your mouth, fighting yours, which didnt put much of a battle up.

your back reaches the plush mattress of whoever’s bed this was, but your shorts were thrown off. you laid there, allowing him to touch you in the most intimate way and it all felt like a burning touch. to say you were sensitive was an understatement.

“a nerd having a body like this..” he grumbled, ripping your panties off, “wearing red panties..” he groaned out, his mouth satiated with drool and he dove into your cunt, lapping up at the intoxicated slick of your intoxicating pussy. you moaned out, your body being so sensitive, it felt like each blood cell was in your clit.

you felt like you were seeing stars, your eyes screwed shut and him prying your legs open. he noisily slurped up your juices, you trying to close your legs out of embarrassment. he took his tongue and licked up your clit, to your abdomen, to your tummy, to your breasts, to your lips.

he took himself out of his jeans, stroking himself with slow pumps and crawling on top of you. “relax the most you can. you should know how sex works, right nerd?” he asks, looking down at you.

you nod, “yes..” you say, to the best of your abilities.

he drove the tip of his cock up and down your slit, before sliding himself inside. he groaned, eyes rolling back momentarily and you winced from the stretch. but you were able to relax, thanks to the alcohol.

he thrusted into you, slowly. he did feel something somewhat pop, “guess i popped your cherry, huh nerdhead?” he chuckles, thrusting his hips slower until your hips rested some more. “there you go, fuck you feel good.”

you started to moan out, adjusting to his size and length as he gripped the sheets beneath you. “ ‘could a nerd feel this fuckin’ good?” he questioned, his hips starting to pick up a rhythm. he grips at your hips next, putting his weight into his knees as he pulls his hips back. “take me, take all of me.” he says, each word having their own thrust.

what you suspected was your climax, snapped. and you squeezed on him, eyes fully blown out and you moaned, no, screamed from how nerve wracking your orgasm was. he was better than your fingers, better than a wet dream. you looked down to see his entire abdomen soaked, not really sure what happened.

“youre a fuckin squirter? oh, i see. you’re pretending to be a nerd, but youre some kind of sexual deviant arent you?” he questions and pries, thrusting into your cervix again. he gets close to your ear, dangerously close. he’s breathing on you, heavily. and he’s practically humping his cock into you.

his hips grow erratic, his breathing becoming labored. he pulls himself out, quickly stroking himself to come onto your plush stomach.

he pants out, trying to catch his breath. “how did you get here?”

the drive home was quiet, very, quiet. to your surprise, he drove a smaller car, like a miata. he also was a decent driver, and wasnt even intoxicated at all. he pulls up to your residence, and he unlocks the passenger door. “we’re here.”

you open and close the door, walking around to his side and lean down, poorly. “t’ank you, gus..” you say, walking to your door.

luckily, he waited and watched you until you close the door behind you, then drove off.

[xaveria]

hi, i was going to try to message but the dms arent open to unfollowed users. i thought about what i said, about neokosmos, and im really not proud of that. i got judgy too quickly without asking for more context. thats my fault, and im sorry. id support you financially if i could. because i feel solidarity in being disabled and need more money to be comfortable. i wish i had considered that mightve been the same for you too

i loved neokosmos when it had released,but i also fully respect you want to not keep the original comic released until you know its ready. i felt personal about it from me losing access to old comics and wanting to have done anything to get them back. but thats just a personal experience, and its not on you to have to deal with my own problems.

again i am sorry. i hope you get more eyes on you comic, no matter where youve taken it

thank you, i really appreciate it. no hard feelings, i totally understand the frustration. it does really suck when things are lost in archives... i actually accidentally deleted all the high quality files of the NK webcomic back in 2016 which is just one of the reasons it was discontinued, knowing we'd never have the print quality files. so i feel that pain, haha.

i hope you have a great day and i hope my reblog didnt give you any stress, the last thing i wanna do is put people on blast but i did want to clear up miscommunications too.

handshake of solidarity dealing with disability and chronic illness, we will make it through! <3

[maskyartist]

excuse me while i ramble about my fat struggles (under the cut of course not about to make this long as hell) but to shorten it-

how come fat folks are always meant to never react to people throwing hurtful comments at us? why do we need to be the bigger people? (metaphorically speaking)

i keep havin that comment just spinning around in my head. "she would never do that to herself" as if being fat is an active choice for fun. as if we CHOOSE to look this way. as if its not genetics, diet culture, how much money you make, many factors into lookin how we do

why cant i get angry? why do i have to be "sassy" and "clap back"?

its fun, sure, i had a blast putting HIM on blast. not my problem not my fault what happens to him. he started a fight, i finished before he realized it even was a fight.

but i dont get why i had to be so careful with my response when either way he won. he won by just commenting that. he won cause its in my head now, spinning around, "she would never do that to herself"

i didnt do this to myself either. i didnt ASK to look like this. i didnt WANT to look like this. but i do, i own it, i accept it. im content with how i look. not amazingly happy, not utterly depressed, just content. i had to FIGHT to be this content with my body and one person has shot my confidence to the floor.

why cant i be mad. why am i SO SURE if i got mad, if i threw some long response, people would get up in arms. why am i so sure i'd be given the "dont react" "its giving him what he wants" "ignore and move on"

i dont wanna ignore it. im sick of having to just sit and fucking take it.

im fat, im content with that, but i shouldnt have to fight tooth and nail TO BE content with who i am. i shouldnt have to sit here and put on this front online that im perfectly fine when this shit hurt.

the asshole's been blocked, i couldnt care less what happened to him.

im just so infuriated its getting to me. and even more infuriated that i cant react the way i want to because thats giving him what he wants.

yknow what they say, dont fight with a pig. both of you get dirty but the pig likes it.

but sometimes i wanna just fling some fucking mud back at em yknow?

[ashmp3]

5, 6, 17, 23, 26 but i wanna know all about everything actually so if you get multiples and want to switch any of these for a different one ofc feel free (except for 17 that one has to stay put bc i need to hear about giulietta karaoke)❣️

heheheh well the coffee date deal is on & today is new moon so lets manifest mwah mwah!!! and surprisingly i didnt get those so no duplicates lets enjoy 💋♥️ 5. Song that needs to be played LOUD... okay first song that came on my mind was.... glad you came by the wanted but let me explain let me explain okay... You know how they repeat the word from the line before (turn the light out now / NOW ill take u by the hand / HAND you another drink / DRINK it if u can / CAN u spend a little time / TIME is slipping away / AWAY from us so stay / STAY with me so i can make / MAKE U GLAD YOU CAMEEEE) well.. i simply think i need to play it loud and say the words OBNOXIOUSLY clear and LOUD. which is a prompt. 6. Song that makes you want to dance... Oh im a dancer at heart im like an annoying male peacock of some sorts. Lately my before shower dance playlist consists of s&m - rihanna, put my hands on you - dean and una noche en medellin - cris mj. But i really am easy everything makes me dance i did zumba it is what it is. BUT i gotta say like maya berović and buba and jala era reminds me of turning 18 and dancing until my feet were numb. i was KNOWN as the girl that loves to dance and i rmr at one of those bday parties the DJ from the booth saw me from the top and asked the birthday girl for my number KJVDFSNVKS like im not joking i was crazy back then but still a nun. Duality... YAWN.

17. Song WE would sing as a duet on karaoke... in giulietta naturally of course. I mean ana you were good and serious about it but me i am a jester and how can i NOT say ljubav by devito and nikolija? how can i NOT say loš sam ti ja, like we are not singing about lino and jeonghan? I think we could sing a plethora of songs like we could do kao kokain too. Just two guys...... Chilling...... 23. Song that you think everybody should listen to... I dont know why but first person that came on my mind was amira medunjanin. My favorite forever and always is što te nema. I think her voice could bring people to life so I am blasting it through my huge imaginary megaphone 26. Song that makes you want to fall in love... I have few. I always said that her - majid jordan is MY love song even though the lyrics a bit HEH but i love love the start i got her in the palm of my hand, she knows i love her. Movement - hozier (when you move im moved... Killing myself). Gills - thornapple. TO YOU - seventeen... oh so so many truly! s&m by riha-

[cornnick]

Spider-Man Beyond The Web Chapter 1- AVALANCHE PT 1

Downtown Brooklyn

It was a nice night as a couple was coming out of a friend's place. A man and a woman. "Next time don't convince me to go to a party this late at night," she said as he chuckled softly "Just want to treat my girl right on the night of the town." he said as the two went to an alley "And besides my place isn't that far anyhow," he said as the two walked. However, they soon saw "someone" just leaning against the wall. "Aw. there you are, Mr.Jones. I have been waiting for ya to come by." the person said as Jones looked at the person. "Babe...who is this?" his girlfriend asked. "Oh sorry.  Didnt introduce myself." the person came close. "My name is Herman Schultz. But Jones here knows me as..." "Shocker..." Jones said as Shocker nodded his head "Wow Jones you look snazzy in that suit you're wearing." he said as Jones pulled his girl behind him. "What do you want?" Jones asked "You already know what I want. Tombstone is waiting for their money. Where is it?" he asked as Jones looked at him. "Don't tell me you wasted it on this suit and a night on the town with your girl." Shocker looks at his gauntlets as they make a sound. "You know what I have to do now." he said as Jones shook his head  "N-No please get it. Promise I just need more time." Jones said as Shocker looked at him before firing off a seismic blast at a dumpster that was behind the two, A dumpster flew and hit a building. "Next time that's gonna be you, Jones. Get. The. Money." Shocker said threateningly and soon walked off. Jones's Girlfriend held him tightly as she looked up at him. "What did you get yourself into?" she asked him. Jones didnt have an answer. 

Hospital

Nick slowly woke up as he smelled some...flowers. "Huh?" he looked around as he sat up. he saw red roses. "Oh?" he said as he soon saw his mom who was asleep. "Mom?" he said. She woke up and saw her son. She soon immediately hugged him "You're ok!" she said as she held his face. "Yeah Mom I'm fine," he said as he looked around. "Um where dad?" he asked "Oh he's getting some food for us," she said as Nick nodded. He felt...ok surprisingly. "Um, Mom. How long have I been in here?" he asked. "A day. Don't worry the teachers sent the work you missed." he said as Nick huffed a bit "Of course they did." the door opened. His dad came in with some food and his eyes. "You awake." he said as he set the food down. "you feeling alright?" he asked as Nick nodded "Yeah I'm fine. I don't feel that bad." Nick gets up. "is that bacon?" he asked as his dad nodded. "Alright. I'm gonna get the doctor so they can check on you," he said as he got up and left. Nick sees his dad go. He went to eat his breakfast.

A Few Hours Later

The doctor checked up on Nick as he wrote things down. "Mmm. He seems to be alright," he said as Nick's dad smiled. "I do recommend keeping him for a few more hours, however." the doctor said as Nick sighed. "Come on I feel fine. Can I just go? I wanna hang out with my friends, And get all this homework done my god." He said seeing all of the work he has. "Well, Doc. if it's his choice. it's his choice." his dad said. Nick's mom nodded as she got up. "I'll get the car ready," she said as she left, The doctor nodded as he went out of the room as well. Nick went to the bathroom as he went to put his clothes on. He sighed, after he was done with homework he was going to hang out with his friends. Miles texted him to meet up at his uncle's place. So he couldn't wait for that. Pizza night was happening now. Nick got his clothes on but soon remembered as he peeked his head out of the bathroom. "Hey, Dad do you have my toothbrush?" he asked as his dad nodded and handed his toothbrush and his toothpaste. "Thanks," Nick said as he closed the bathroom door. He went to the sink and twisted the handle but the handle snapped off. Nick's eyes widened as he looked at the handle. "Uhhh." he used the other handle and that snapped off as well. "...." he exited the bathroom as he looked at his dad. "I'll brush my teeth when we get home," he said as he started to leave.  Williamsburg-Autoshop

Shocker was driving in his car as he drove to an auto shop. he parks his car and got out. he was carrying a duffel bag as he went inside. He saw some of the workers in here as he went to the back of the office. As he did he saw someone coming out of the office. "Move it kid." the 5'3 flattop said as Shocker just glared. he then entered the office. "Ahhh  Herman. Nice to see you." his boss said with a smile. "Got this month's debts?" his boss asked as he nodded as he set the duffel bag down "Of course Tombstone...well all except one," he said as Tombstone looked at him. "Let me guess. Mr.Jones White?" She said as Shocker nodded. "Mmm. Herman you know the rules about debts. If they can't pay it-" "I know the rules. However, Jones was with someone. Couldn't do much with that now can I?" Shocker said as Tombstone nodded. "Ahhh I understand." she opened the duffel and went to count. "I know you won't let me down Herman...how long did you give him?" she asked. "I didn't give a set time. But if he doesn't give me his debt at the end of the week...well...you know how I do." Shocker said as he smirked under his mask. 

Downtown Brooklyn-Apartments

Nick was in the bathroom, slowly turning the handle. the water came out as he breathed a sigh of relief and started to brush his teeth. What he did in the hospital bathroom was far from weird. He didnt know he was that strong...or...ever now that he thought about it. He soon got a call from his phone and he answered "MmmYeah." he said continuing to brush his teeth. "Hey dude you alright." Miles said "MmmYeah I'm fine...Um, we're still on for your uncles tonight right?"  Nick asked "Oh yeah for sure. Gwen and Mayday are coming." Miles said. Nick wonders a bit before asking. "MmmIs Maxine coming?" he asked "We think so?" Miles said, "She didnt have a phone with her so I gave her an old one I had lying around." Miles said as he sighed a bit. "We talked to her a bit and...dude...I think she's been through it," he said as Nick rinses and spits. "Yeah I could tell when she flinched when we tried to shake her hand." he said "But hey maybe when she gets to know us better then maybe things can change and she'll open up a bit...hopefully." he said "Speaking up. I see you try to flirt with her." Miles said as Nick sighed "Yeah maybe not the best timing after what happened. I'm gonna take things slow...and the pizza party is the perfect place." Nick said with a smile. "Ok, I gotta go. Talk to you later," he said to Miles as he hung up and went out of the bathroom as he went to his room. "Hey Kiddo." his dad said as he looked at his dad. "Yeah, Dad?" Nick said. "Could you go to the store and get some tools for your mom? I would do it but I have a call to take." his dad hands him 50 dollars. "Oh sure no problem," Nick said as he started to head out the front door and started to walk to the door and left. 'Ok, tools for mom.' Nick thought to himself as he then saw the hardware store before stopping. 'Mmm. Maybe I can stop at Gwen's place to listen to her play a little bit?' he thought to himself again he soon stopped. "Why am I hearing my voice out loud?" he asked himself as some passerby looked at him funny. Nick sighed as he went to the hardware store. "Hey, Nick." The owner said Nick waved "Sup Greg." Nick said as he went to buy what he needed as he headed to the back of the store. Soon someone else entered the store. "Hey Welcome wha-" a gun was aimed at Greg. "Put the money in the bag." the man said wearing a mask. Greg's eyes widen as he looks at the man. Soon he complied as he opened the register and started to put the money in the bag. The man waited as he still had his gun aimed at him. Unknown to the man however Nick was coming from the back with a wrench as he sneaks up behind the man. he was getting close. The man looked up at the ceiling mirror and saw Nick behind him so he turned around and went to shoot Nick. As he did Nick reacted and threw the wrench at the man's face making the man hold his nose "AWWW MOTHERFUCKER!" he yelled as he started to shoot at Nick but Nick dodged the bullets as his body was almost moving on its own. Nick heard a click as the man growled grabbed the bag full of money and ran for it. "Greg, are you ok?" Nick asked coming over "Yeah I'm fine kid." he said as he started to call 911. Nick sighed in relief as his heart was racing...what was that just now...the way he moved...it was...something. 'What was that?' he thought to himself.  Timeskip to a few hours- Mr.Aarons Davis Place

"And then it was like my body was moving on its own," Nick said to Gwen, Mayday, Maxine, and Miles. "That just sounds badass," Gwen said as she ate some pizza. "Yeah, it was pretty cool huh?" Nick said softly as he drank some soda. "Must have been scary tho seeing that?" Miles said as Nick nodded his head "I was terrified believe me...but I couldn't just let Greg get robbed I had to do something. Mom and Dad always say 'If you see a problem act'...Just you know don't get hurt." Nick said as he ate his pizza. Mr.Davis came over. "Alright, Miles. I have to go. you and your friends don't make too much of a mess now you hear." he said as Miles nodded "We won't unc." Miles said as Mr.Davis smiled as he soon left. Mayday sees him go before looking at Nick. "So your body just moved on its right?" she asked. Nick nodded his head "Yep crazy." he said as Mayday nodded her head. "More than crazy I think." she eats a pizza. "What do you mean?" Miles asked. "Well...Let me test something." Mayday said as she went to take out a brick. "Where that's a brick? Why do you even have a-?" Mayday threw the brick at Nick. His eyes widen but he caught the brick. "Nice reflex," Mayday said as Nick looked at her. "Why would you do that?" Maxine asked as Mayday looked at her and sat down. "Well...I think you may have some powers now," she said as Nick's eyes widened and let out a chuckle. "Powers you say?" he said as Mayday nodded her head. "Think back. You never felt this way before right...not after Oscorp," she said as Nick looked at her but then he understood. "Wait wait what are you saying?" Gwen asked. "Does Nick have powers now?" she asked. "I think so...And I think I know which one." Mayday takes out a comic book she has and shows it to Nick. "Spider-Man?" he said "Hey I know that guy. He was that hero way back when yeah?" Maxine said looking at the comic. "My dad always talked about how much of a menace he was," she said as Mayday looked at Maxine. "Well...yeah.But it seems that Nick...Might have something similar to Spider-Man." She said as Nick looked at them. They looked at him. "...So...What else can you do?" Gwen asked. Nick looked at them as he thought. "Very good question..." he said  Williamsburg-Autoshop

"You tried to rob a store in broad daylight!" Jones looks at Shocker as he is getting quite an earful. "Do you know how fucking dumb you are Jones," he said as Jones looks away. "I wasn't expecting anyone to be there..." he said as he looked away and Shocker sighed. "Look, Jones. This bag of money isn't gonna cut it." he shakes the bag of money Jones bought in. "I know I know...I can do better..." he said as Shocker shook his head. "No. Tombstone finds out about this. you're a dead man. Who's gonna take care of your girl when you're gone." he said as Jones looked down. Shocker came over. "Lucky for you. I'm a decent guy," he said smugly. "I'm gonna help you pay off your debt with Tombstone. Hope you're comfy with that mask on buckaroo 'cause we're going to be robbing a money truck." Shocker said as Jones's eyes widened. "What. That truck will have a ton of security!" he said as Shocker chuckled. "I know... it's gonna be fun." 

[tiressian]

Just to get this off my head– I can't stop thinking that shoko might have mentioned her feelings (for gojo) to geto. So it's like, she was more open to geto. She started smoking again (I'm so sorry if she didn't stop at all for me to say that lmao) after he deflected because the friend she was confiding in was gone? And she didn't know how to deal with her feelings either so, to distract herself and with her interest in medicine(?), she decided to enter med school or whatever. But then there were times she misses him, so there comes in their hang-out's like in the novel?

UGH. I wanna defend them in the court HAHAHAHAHA. Like, c'mon, shoko having that talk regarding that "being alone" then segueing her "being in love and such" out of nowhere while gojo was being shown is just— AHHHHH.

Lemme have this. 😭✊️

there there let it allll out

it sounds like youre having a rough go of things

but look

[long winded rant under the cut (not really a rant)]

shipping's supposed to be fun, give yourself permission to enjoy your ship without needing to 'justify it'. beating allegations, going to court - it's all poopie! you don't need to justify anything. you think im gonna let the x number of thinkpieces stop me?

other ships have been shipped for much less. ive shipped characters that werent even in the same fandoms! hahaha! hetero, homo, it's all fairgame to me. if i think they're hot, thats justification enough for me. if theyve never met, ill make them meet. ill put them in the same room, ill contrive a scenario. there were two beds? nope! now there is one bed! and a snowstorm! and unresolved feelings!

i love 220. i love the insight i got into Shoko. I've been dying for insight.

at the same time, i didnt need it to continue enjoying my ship, and it's nice, dont get me wrong, but if it never existed i would still be here writing for the ship.

canon or no canon, i ship it.

because it's fun.

i dont care what the consensus is, because the consensus has never dictated how much fun i have. i dictate how much fun i have

and im having a blast, im giving myself permission. you dont need it from me, but here, look: im giving you permission

what are they gonna do, take my laptop from me? hahaha!

personally i just block the main tags so that it doesn't pop up in my For You thingy. it's been 400 days since ive seen The Discourse and i know peace like you wouldnt believe. im not debating anyone. protip haha.

[solarsleepless]

BEA: This is from a Warrior Nun called Sister Melanie. "I became the Warrior Nun in the summer of 1942, following my escape from the hellish Dachau Work Camp."

AVA: Wait, how could she be Jewish and a nun?

BEA: They persecuted others for being different. Not just Jews. She was gay.

AVA: Oh, God. Nazis suck balls.

BEA: "Returning to Occupied France, Mother Superion told us the Nazis were outside the parameters of our mission. She told me that my anger came from hate. And that hate was not within our jurisdiction."

AVA: Wait. Are you translating that from French?

BEA: Pay attention.

AVA: Ooh. Read on.

BEA: "But last night, I passed a group of Nazi officers carousing inside a French pub. I don't know what I thought I was going to do, but I went inside. A Nazi lieutenant asked me to dance with him. When I refused, he grabbed my wrist and saw the number they tattooed on me at Dachau. I let him see it. I wanted him to. He looked at me as if I was vermin. 'Juden, ' he sneered. 'Nein, ' I replied. 'Lesbich.'

AVA: ( laughs ) "Lesbich."

BEA: "His friends converged on me. I drew the Holy Sword and cut them down."

AVA: Oh, yeah, she did! ( pats )

BEA: "But Mother Superion was right. Each slice was an act of hate. Hatred that they had made me afraid to be myself. So I raged in a rainfall of their blood until the Nazi lieutenant aimed his gun at me across the room. I could not reach him. He said he would put me back in the camps himself. What happened next, I can't explain. At the thought of returning to the camps, I passed through fear, past hatred, beyond pain. The Halo flared with a blinding light and emitted a blast, unlike anything I had ever experienced. The Nazi's bullets melted away, along with his gun, his flesh, and a good portion of the wall. I fell back in the collapsed ruins of the pub, drained. I have no understanding of what allowed me to conjure such energy. But in the moment, I felt unbound. Unburdened. I felt finally myself."

( book claps shut ) [NOTE: bea is crying now ]

AVA: Do you want to talk about it?

BEA:( laughs ) Nothing. It's fine. I...

AVA: A badass story of a Warrior Nun tapping into her rage making you cry is nothing?

BEA: Your ignorance is really a downer sometimes.

AVA: Hey! What... what's going on?

BEA: As usual, you've managed to miss the entire point. ( sniffles ) Sister Melanie tapped into something elemental in her soul... and it amplified the Halo's energy. If you wanna pass through 20 feet of stone, you need to break through your own personal pain.

AVA: Okay, but why are you so mad at me?

BEA: I'm not mad at you. ( sighs ) I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not you. It was everyone but you. My whole life, people have tried to make me into something I'm not. To make me "normal," or at least "acceptable." I became skilled at so many things just so I would still have value... despite my flaws, or what I'd been taught was a flaw. Of course I tried to fit in. But when you're punished just for being different, you begin to hate what you are. And what you love. What should make you happy... only brings you pain. Pain is what made me a Sister Warrior.

AVA: Don't hate what you are. What you are is beautiful. I'm sorry for your pain.

BEA: Don't be.

holy fucking shit

didnt affect me or emoshe me as much as it would otherwise bc i had to listen and read instead of watching but damn

[the-phantom-author]

putting this anon bc i dont wanna put that person on blast too bad but. the pokimane situation

i didnt watch hasans full thing watching charlie’s vid, i only saw people yelling at poki on twitter for a joke that literally does not matter and a price point on merch that literally does not matter.

my feelings on this whole thing: it really is not that deep and everyone needs to take a breath and calm down

ok im done no more drama EVER!!!!!!

Yeah, to me it's an influencer brand, things are going to cost money. I don't think I've ever seen any influencer sell someone for less than $5. It feels weird for people to be getting on to Poki about that, like you don't yell at name brands for selling their stuff for more than the generic option.

And the joke just seemed to land poorly. Like I've seen ever other YouTuber/Streamer who makes merch say if you can't afford it then don't buy it, and it's been said so many times, I don't fault Poki for trying to make a joke about it.

[rosedaemon-7861]

this is a post about Slamophiliac. i wanna spend some time talking about each album, where i was mentally during its making and the people involved as well as my slices of my life. if you arent interested in that then know that Slamophiliac is as dead as Darryn Palmer or Dazz is. so are all the projects i was involved in. its all dead just like for my passion for the genre. now that the tl;dr is out of the way lets begin.

ABORTED INTO ABSOLUTE INEXISTANCE

i actually love this album still. you can hear how much i enjoyed making the album, same is true of Slam Obsessed and Spilling Entrail's debut album. this was the first thing i ever made that i was proud of, unfortunately, i only remember criticism. bassdrops too loud, bass too loud, boring, shows promise but aint there. those criticisms aside i still love that debut. i also really enjoyed working with Todd Grove and am thankful for encouraging me to take my art more seriously. its sad that we had a falling out but... that's common when your as ill as i am.

SLAM OBSESSED

i dont have much to say about this one i didnt already say about the last one. i really enjoy it despite hating it for years. i did intend it and Spilling Entrail's debut to be sister albums of a sort. the Spilling record would have a more lo-fi style and Slam Obsessed would be more modern. i utterly failed at that. this was also my debut to CDN Records who'd release all but one of the Slamophiliac albums after this one. i know i promised an 8th album Craig but its been 8 years, its not happening.

DISPLAY OF HORRIFIC PERVERSION

my dog died between this album and the last. that's really where my depression started to take hold and you can hear it on this album. the riffs got so lazy, the drums are just the same premade blast beat loops over and over. there's some melodies on this album i like but overall its just uninspired. for those around back then you probably noticed me start to self destruct and self sabotage. picking fights online for dumb reasons. for that im sorry. i was suffering and it was wrong to externalize that.

APHELION

this is the darkest part of the discography. Aphelion and its companion Perihelion were meant to be a double album. a shameless ripoff of Disfiguring the Goddess's Deprive and Black Earth Child. among my many sins as an artist is copycatting. despite my original intention, things got to be too much. i was starting to feel how stunted as a person i was. i decided this would be the last album. id put it out and then unalive myself. the story of the album is humanity desperately searching for a place in the universe and after finding nothing plunge their ship into a black hole. the music on this admittedly is a little more inspired than Display but your can still feel the agony i was feeling in it. at least i can.

SLAM OVERDOSE

this album i wrote a song at a time over the course of 3 months not really planning an album. i just wanted to make singles and play guitar. an album did come however. this is the only one to not get released by CDN. was released by Todd Grove's label and some Russian company i dont remember the name off. this is in my oppinion an okay follow up to Slam Obsessed. not great but good.

PERIHELION

at this point i was just making albums for the sake of it. between Slam Obsessed and this album so much shit had happened. my dog dying, two family members dying, my mom having her first heart attack. not to mention being a closet case so deep in he'd met Azlan. anyway, i just made the most angry shit i could. got a guest vocalist on each song just for marketing. i really want to stress that by this point in the discography the passion was already gone and frankly i would have ended myself if i wasnt such a coward.

SLAM REHAB

kinna fitting for the final album innit? Slam Rehab is just two splits that fell through that i squished together. there's some fun stuff on it but its just more of the same. boring, passionless riffs trying so hard to emulate my favorite bands from a decade prior. its frankly embarrassing that i continued on doing this again and again. truly im sorry i couldnt make better music for all of you.

POST-REHAB

i made a bit of music here and there after Rehab came out, some of it neat like Laparotomy, some of it shit. i got my first actual job in 2019 at 25. yes im basically 10 years behind. i may have been in my early 20s when i was Slamophiliac but mentally i was maybe 15. trauma and a hostile home will do that.

i pretty much dedicated myself to this shitty gas station job. my mental and physical health further declined. i eventually tried to die again May of 2022, at this point i was 27. id never had a romantic relationship, never had any kind of sexual experience that was consentual, i worked a shitty job that was killing me, i was still deep in the closet and living with my abusers.

thankfully i must have had an angel looking out for me cause a dear friend across all those years messaged me and talked me down. i made a promise to him that i would figure it out. id become the best version of myself i could be, id escape the hell i was living.

i would start enbracing my queerness and go on my journey of self discovery, including gender. i met so many amazing people including my now wife. i found religion. fast forward to now, as of writing, i live with my wife in a small college town far away from my abusers. im able to embrace who i am completely.

CONCLUSION

so that's really what it is. i have a different life now. im enjoying what i have and while i have hard days as i unpack my trauma and learn how to move on, i genuinely enjoy my life now. Slamophiliac and being a musician just dont have a place in that. this music is a constant reminder of who i use to be and i cant. im sorry.

i still wanna use this tumblr to talk about music i like cause i am still a fan. i was always a fan really. i also dont regret any of the friendships i made along the way. i wont be easily contacted unless you use this platform cause well, facebook is a cesspit of transphobia and i dont need that either.

it was a fun 10 years but its over yall. please go listen to better artists. ♥︎

[livingproofoftbd]

i’m in the same boat 🫂 i don’t think george is a bad person but everything that has happened has put a bad taste in my mouth. it’s difficult because i don’t think this will end in a cookie cutter way and we’ll probably just have to figure out how to move forward, but we’ll see what happens

anogie 🫂 we're holding hands we'll get through this

i dont think he's bad either but i was scrolling through my photos earlier and the sight of him genuinely made me feel a little sick. drunk or not they both fucked up and imo they need to deal with it offline and stop posting it everywhere. maybe thats insensitive but its just my opinion, like the publicity seems like its just blowing everything out of proportion, more than it needs to be. i get if she doesnt wanna talk to him through dms tho, or face to face, but blasting it on twitter isnt the way to go i dont think 😭

also if he just apologized genuinely then maybe that would help? idk it didnt seem like he really said anyhting along the lines of "sorry"

[silentmoths]

🧦🧳🗝🕸

for the genshin ask game 😎

🧦 who’s your favorite character personality/lore-wise? hhhngngnhghgngng Right now it's gotta be Neuv, I'm so INTERESTED. I wanna know abt his first 500 years, I wanna know abt baby neuv stumbling about trying to figure out how to act human please.

but also when he was first unveiled I immediately thought he'd have a 10ft pole up his ass and then we MEET him and hes the SWEETEST, MOST AWKWARD THING??? HELLO?? 🧳 what name card do you use? ooo i tend to jump between them, I think rn I'm using the one that came with last patch's battle pass? 🗝 are you saving for anyone? who? Arle my beloved <3 🕸 brag about something. can be some numbers you’re proud of, how long you saved for someone, a good artifact you got, asides from my first ever 10 pull contianing a 5*...I suppose I can brag abt the amount of 5*'s I have in general? I remember posting an ss to a server I'm in thinking I didnt have many and then being put on blast because Im a whale and I did, in fact, have many XD

[charmed-asylum]

I just want to say atm I read up to chapter three n my feelings for BITCH ASS ANDY N SHE AINT SHIT SOPHIA HAS NOT CHANGE. Also oooooooh lord knows once I got to pat my head on da side it’s about to go down I mean it.

When I told u I read this whole flashback six times I read this twilight zone episode waiting to be DVR SIX TIMES N STILL lord mmm gotta praise him PRAAAAAAISE HIM no no this COCO BUTTER SMOOTH MAN DIDNT FINGER MY GIRL W HITTIN HER W THE 📰 news. No no nooooooo n he wanna toss the emotion roller coaster in reverse with the I wanted to tell u. Girl girl girlllllllll n it’s HER BEST FRIEND oh noooooo nooo nooo I sang in a destiny child tone more like ex bestie like straight the fuck up tho who bestie gonna do some shit like that like nah Olivia right that wrong and she flaunting that shit oh hell no no NO NOOOOO oh lord I need a second to think 🤔 mmm nope her ass would of been block and I send her a check to go get that head examined bc what in the Grace kelly does she think she doing. Then he gets w the bestie who not her bestie bc if she toss him a thirsty thot ain’t worth my edges thong n he snatch that shit he ain’t man enough for me or n person w a working V Sophia probably got that Barbie done n it’s all plastic down there shit got me mom n a head scarf n robe mad. Andy don’t know like u don’t I hope keeeeeith his bestie bc that only way this smooth operator would understand. All this n only 1st half I’m so mad I could do a podcast on this shit but nah. Sophie is a put a triangle n a circle chic huh why she calling our girl huh for what reason to get a verbal it’s okay bitch shit ur dollar tree ass down now no shit and still with the flaunting U COULD OF PUT ur hand 🖐️ on the phone and whisper I’m on the phone not grab a 📣 and put in on blast u w Andy lord this child is one seated bus special . N he calling her you Andy on some next level shit ahhhhhhh yo Andy. Andyyy wtf mama mama mama put some respect in that shit mmm she nice too nice I be like it’s Ms.BADBITCH thank u person who fuckin birds and rats bc that’s what Sophia ass is. I’m mad I’m writing her name wrong on purpose then he wanna ask about love and a man niggAAAA u lost the opportunity to ever and I say ever say one thing before u even thought about cheating on her back even before u did it and u caught and sniff that STD NASTY 🤮 ASS CATCH A SICKNESS DRAWS Sophie no call blocked then to ask about love and talking to main chic like she ever was the side hoe boy u got me mess up. No oh lord I gotta grab me a rag and a pulpit bc he about to have me talking in tongues

Love 2 Remember | Part 2

Summary: Moving on and having your heart shatter into pieces isn’t easy. You and Andy go way back with each other and now share a daughter together. Now being around Andy and his new girlfriend wasn’t what you expected.

Pairing: ex-boyfriend/baby daddy! Andy Barber x Female Reader

Warnings: flashback, slight smut maybe? idk (+18), cursed words

Author note: Thank you to those people who left a comment it means a lot :) I hope you like it and enjoy reading!

Part 1

Two

Seeing Andy almost all the time was difficult at first but now things change between you two. It was crazy that you two shared a daughter with each other. You did find it weird that he was dating your friend Sophie but eventually you got used to them being a couple.

You and Andy had good times and bad times together. Being around each other and seeing each other wasn’t a problem for both of you anymore. The memory of you and Andy was playing in your head. It was something you kind of blocked out but didn’t at the same time.

It was around in 2020 you were pregnant with his child. You and Andy were on and off at the time. Your relationship with him sometimes is complicated but you two love each other deeply and hard.

Keep reading

[ribscarvedlikebutterflies]

i usually put my little birthday self reflection on my private blog that i’ve had since i was in 4th grade, but i think im okay with people seeing me now.

i have had A Year. what it was was going into the darkest depths of your mind, and knowing theres still more yet to be unveiled. ive pushed myself in ways no one can ever truly know or see. i wish i could tell the world in a way that makes sense, but like anything that matters, it is ineffable.

i am not the same person and i dont want to be. not that i didnt love myself before, but when the branches start breaking off, you dont force them to remain. you do everyone a favor and you become yourself. you expose the root. you cover it with fresh soil and water it. then you trust that spring will come.

i feel like i fucking died, and im still not done dying. i keep turning back, and i give it to myself because i cannot deny my own softness. i want it all to mean something. i wanted my pain to be worth it. and it is. it set the ground, it cleared the floor. ive only caught glimpses of what will grow there, and i cannot see more.

i asked myself last night, what do i truly want? what am i actually longing for? the answer is freedom. in all aspects. i never wanted to plan my life. i just want to feel something and go with it. i wanna leave without saying a word and come back whenever. i want to literally… do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want. we’re here on this earth to learn and experience, right? so how could i know freedom if i dont know restriction, constraint, denial, the weight of being trapped?

i had to relearn what it means to let go. whats ultimately for me is all that’s ever been worth it. i was always on the right path, everything is perfect. everything happened perfectly. even in those moments i despised my own life, my own experience.

everything is so close. i cant let anything hold me back. i’ve accomplished so much in my life already, especially the past couple years, and im only going to accomplish bigger and greater things. i know i matter to this world. it feels so good to take it on.

im feeling 22 (blasting that unfortunately) but also 12 and like… 74. my continuing saga of feeling so old and young at the same time.

happy birthday 2 me. 🥂🎂🍾❤️‍🔥🏹☀️ very soon will i walk in the sun again.

[lookslikezombiesatbest]

Fun fact:Don't be a dick to fanfic writers.

[IMAGE ID: a cropped screenshot of an archive of our own comment with white text and a gray background, the username and profile picture covered. The top line of text reads "on Mr. June" and the time stamp says "10 minutes ago." The comment reads "sooo sequel? please? uwu." There is a black indicator in the bottom right corner that reads "unread" next to two gray buttons that read "reply" and "select". END ID]

This is not a nice comment to receive on a 19k word fic that I poured months of work into. I understand the sentiment–obviously you enjoyed it if you're asking for a sequel–but maybe instead of just commenting on how you want more out of a series that's been marked as completed, you talk about stuff you liked and (nicely, please) talk about stuff you wished would've been different?

Authors read your comments and take them into account, so compliments and constructive criticism can go a long way in new fics, continuations, and yes, even sequels.

But just demanding a sequel with no other feedback isn't encouraging at all, and can even come across as you being dissatisfied with the original work, which is really disheartening for a writer who was obviously happy enough with their work to post it on a public forum.

I am not a musician; you are not entitled to an encore just because I am onstage. Give me comments about the phrases you liked, the scenes that made you squeal, the situations that made you cringe. Don't just demand shit from me with no other prompting besides a fucking uwu.

EDIT: added the image id for y'all, sorry about not including it at first! 💕