#didn't go to plan but it's ok
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I am not a fish: Introduction
"Looking at their work I would be expecting 8s or 9s"
My biology teacher said that when I was in year nine. It was not the first time someone had said something to that effect, and it was not the last.
The fact of the matter is that I spent most of my time, up until year 11, being told how far I would go, how high my grades were expected to be and how I could do anything that I wanted. People have said that, I just about nudged into the gifted category(though that is a nuanced discussion for another time), not like some of my friends who passed everything with their eyes closed, I definitely had to work, but I was honestly doing well.
My first set of mock GCSEs in year eleven came back and I was broken. Not one of my grades was above a six. This continued through year 11, I was not living up to the expectations that were set. This all came to a head on results day when I discovered that I had only just scraped a 6 which was not enough to do maths A-level, and without maths, I couldn't do physics. This was an issue. I want to be an astrophysicist, however, I have always been in a complex "situationship" with maths, and honestly, I think we might need couple's counselling, but I'm stretching this metaphor too far so suffice to say, I was not too proud of my performance.
So here I am, the day before my first day of college and getting set to do Biology, Environmental science, and Geology. And I will be the first to admit, I am still bitter, I am still upset, I am not over it, but if I could do all the subjects I wanted too, they would be next on my list after physics and maths. The idea is that I will retake my maths GCSE and then go back after college to do physics and maths, so really, in essence I am just taking the scenic route, and maybe, I will end up somewhere wonderful that I could never have dreamed of.
take it easy and good luck to everyone starting this new year
written: 03/09/2024
posted: 03/09/2024
#you will be okay#it will work out#Gifted#taking the scenic route#education#learning#student#memoir#college#new year#start of term#uk#personal#life is strange#geology#environmental science#biology#gcses 2024#gcse student#gcse results#a level#grades#college student#didn't go to plan but it's ok
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#kyoshi#rangi#kirima#rangshi#it's rangshi cause they're in the frame together and Rangi is a bit possessive uwu#i don't make the rules#legend of korra#lok#silly edits#ok ok Rang's edit was from FMA:B I needed a funny chibi face#and i WASN'T gonna edit Rangi outta Tenzin I already was dying TT0TT (that's beyond my abilities atm)#got a diff background from Lok cause I was having issues with that damn bison#I did this whole thing to do Kirima and she ended up being the one I'm kinda eh on TT0TT I blame my struggle with hair. orz#(really I literally didn't plan on doing Kyoshi or rangi fljdasflkj and I like them more here TT0TT)#i like the other kirima I did (not posted yet) tho her hair is kinda bland in it#there is not a thought in Kyoshi's head baby girl go home and sleep#silly colors#blame pema for Kyoshi's expression#but kyoshi really just looks like she doesn't know where she is ever man TT0TT thank god rangi and lek have the map cause girlie is LOST
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
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Sweet Dream & Bitter Nightmare
Based on Pure Vanilla's China-exclusive costume; it's only fair that his counterpart gets a matching one too!
design details under the cut
ugly lil sketch. throw him at the wall
PV has bear elements, so SM has a jester hat shaped more like bunny ears. Pajama/onesie and slippers because of the dreamy theme. Strawberry (because Pure Vanilla has a cherry) & hair shaped like whipped cream to with the dessert motifs. Pure Vanilla's staff in this skin looks kiiiinda like a spoon, so I gave Shadow Milk an answering fork!
I actually have no idea what Pure Vanilla's costume is even named, but if anyone does play/understand the Chinese version & would like to share, then I'd love to learn more about it! This was mostly just guessing work and going off of the themes and vibes lol
#Hi guys ressurecting for a minute to bring you this#ok that's all back to the dungeon I go#shadow milk#shadow milk cookie#shadow milk fanart#shadow milk crk#shadowvanilla#pure vanilla#pure vanilla cookie#pure vanilla crk#pure vanilla fanart#cookie run kingdom fanart#cookie run kingdom#Fun fact: the 'bitter' part is bc I originally planned to base Shadow Milk more off strawberries in dark chocolate#but the color scheme didn't fit him very well so we went with more purple/blue hues#blorbo-time
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if it has not been suggested already and you are okay with drawing it-- maybe Odile teaching Bonnie how to make onigiri??
the duo ever!!
#in stars and time#isat#didn't expect to draw this much for them! aaa i love em#I imagine Bonnie was kinda insistent for the party to take them along. they're angry and sad and lost and they want revenge against the kin#since their only family (and town) is currently frozen the party reluctantly lets them tag along for now#while initially the party was hesitant to bring bonnie along (maybe even planning to entrust them to someone else to keep them safe?)#they always try their best to contribute to the party and soon bonnie grows on them (also they're an amazing cook)#And once they obtained the last orb Odile decides to entrust it to Bonnie#Officially making them a member of their party#maybe that's a little basic but it's ok I just like thinking about found family#isat odile#isat bonnie#might combine more asks if they're similar! Hope that's fine cause I don't think the inbox is ever going to be empty at this rate#day 14#2 weeks! Nice!
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There's a lot to be said about flaws in the US education system but I think some of you just weren't paying attention in class
#yes that post about addresses came around again#'my school didn't teach me the US wasn't the only country in the world :( :( :('#'we never learn anything about other countries besides their GDP'#ok first off what on earth school did you go to where you had to learn other countries GDPs#second of all. literally what.#did your foreign language classes never make you do 'cultural' assignments#bc I had to plan at least 3 fake trips to somewhere in Latin or South America#did you never talk about current events in social studies#was the family of every single one of your friends from the US#like#what#op
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my radiant beam in the night / i don't need no light to see you.
carat revival '24 ↳ create content that revolves around your bias/es in seventeen OR a flipped prompt about which member/s you could take in a fight ⚔️
#vernon#choi hansol#vernon chwe#seventeen#svt#svtgifs#svtsource#caratrevival24#heymax#maddieblr#userhev#usermery#jennalook#userbexrex#xanblr#userfairy#(ok so this didn't exactly go to plan but i don't hate it. so it's getting dumped and i am going to bed)#(broke my nyr to Stop staying up past midnight on weekdays to finish this so please someone love me. thanks)#(bye)#*mine#my gif
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I would say that, considering his history, he's not that wrong, but even I have doubts as to whether that would be right. But at the end of the day, this is just a joke that's been in my head for a while, sooooo…eh.
Oh hey, an attempt at a comic? Made by me? That I didn't give up during the process or lost all motivation? What was my only attempt at this, 2019? Damn, it's been a long time.
I thought about leaving this here without editing or any colors, just the natural ones from the paper and pencil. But something in my head said "HAHAHA, no" so I went back to work. I had to put this idea down on paper this time (literally). If another year passes without me being able to execute this idea, I would lose my mind.
This scenario was inspired by this video by Jehtt, inspired by the original meme by Windii. Credits to both of them.
For a long time I wanted to joke - especially on the anniversary - that I wanted Sammy to only have less than 5 seconds in the next game (or in other words, take his screen time in DR, and shorten it even more). You know, just for the funnies (unless..?) But,thanks to the news released at the beginning of January this year about The Cage, I legally can't do this joke anymore…this year. Don't worry, after that comes out (and finally gives Sam the screen time he wants,hopefully) and we start to crawl into the Bendy 3 production era, I'll make this joke when I can.
Anyway, happy birthday Sammy Lawrence. You may not be my favorite character in this franchise, but there are some things I can actually appreciate about you. Plus, you made me laugh a few moments before (you know what I'm talking about) so there's that.
And happy 7 years to Chapter 2, and by extension, Susie, Norman, Alice, the Searchers, (Johnny????), and Beta Ink Bendy. (I would mention Jack too, but he was only introduced with the release of CH4, so technically it's not his birthday yet, but I'll consider him here).
And now? May I be able to do something for CH4's anniversary. Wish me luck,cus I'll need it.
(it might be really late now, but it's still the 18th where I live, so it's still his birthday, so I still won)
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#sammy lawrence#porter batdr#batdr porter#crookedsmileart#another fun fact: I thought of this comic with Wally in mind instead of Porter#Problem is I don't have any designs at the moment of Wally as his ink counterpart;and I didn't want to have to think of a design for him no#So I switched to Porter;I think it still fits#my relationship with Sammy is complicated#Sammy; as the human director of the music department? He is ok. He's not my favorite of the human cast; but I don't dislike him. He's fine#Sammy; the prophet? Eehhh. I prefer the human.#Like there are things I can actually appreciate about him.#Certain details that I find interesting. And his appearance in CH2; for what it is; it's not bad at all.#But in general? I'm not very interested in this guy (at least;this version of him) And his post-CH2 appearances don't really help his cause#I still believe they had no plan to bring Sammy back later in the story#but because of his popularity they decided “yep;let's bring him back”; problem is: I don't think they knew what to do with him after CH2#and one might argue that they still don't know#Hopefully;The Cage will finally give Sammy the screen time he so desperately needs.#and maybe; then; I can finally start to like him a little more (okay; let's not go that far now)#Maybe his deaths in the franchise aren't his happiest moments; but they were definitely mine#HAHAHAHAAHHA (/j.....unless)
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Some rom-coms that I've come to enjoy 💞💕💗
Any more recommendations?
#riri posts 💫#romcom#2000s aesthetic#2000s romcom#mostly#romantic movies#movie recommendation#romantic film#10 things i hate about you#the wedding planner#how to lose a guy in 10 days#13 going on 30#the notebook#27 dresses#the proposal#me before you (ps- you might cry and uh tw death)#set it up#i do have which i PLAN to watch soon like she's the man. pretty woman. notting hill. bridget jones diary. a cinderella story. she's the man.#monte carlo. the wedding date. and so on#i didn't add lala land. titanic. 500 days of summet. and som more here because they're like romance w trauma. i added me before you tho#still because i still loved it and i personally think the ending is good because louisa finally starts putting herself first so yeah#ok enough yapping#movie enthusiast
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Process gif for the [ last piece ]! It was a bit of a rough ride.
#ok short tags b/c for some reason firefox is using 70% of my memory to up- oh hey its done#that means long tags !#uh. this was a three day kinda thing#the first two were done in one day#the next two in one#and then the last one was one day in it of itself#was really trying to go for the 20/80 rule and i think it worked out? (it didn't. lack of planning led to a lot of changes down the line#that would have otherwise easily been resolved had i thought about it more than 2 minutes)#but in my defense the worms got me and i could do nothing but paint else id die#uhhhhh yeah no! if you saw my favourite brushes post youll see them in here HAHA#mostly lasso fill oil paint hardsoft and palette knife for this one#if anyone has questions or anything id be happy to answer! tho i feel it's fairly self explanatory
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Watched Carrie for the first time and I am fully a Carrie stan. A Carrie apologist. She did nothing wrong actually
#OK except killing Tommy. And Miss Collins. They were actually nice but I understand how she confused the situation#Her mom deserved every single stab wound and then some#Also the way her mom felt like a fusion of both my parents.... yikes#Also can we talk about how Chris was like ''I ALREADY succeeded in my plan to humilate her... because I was held responsible#for my own actions and I blame her for there being consequences. But I didn't feel good enough about that. Time to straight up murder her''#Like that didn't feel like a bit of a reach? She didn't feel like that was maybe too much? Her boyfriend didn't go ''hell no''?#anyway#carrie#carrie 1976#carrie white#horror#stephen king
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[Train ride :D!]
[Background-less version below]
#this one fought me some. ngl. was aiming for 'soft and fuzzy feeling' but i think i ended up in muddy territory again :/#but i'm happy with it i think. it wasn't meant to be complicated. but just for funnsies. rushed headache filled funnsies. but still fun :]#idw scavengers#misfire#crankcase#fulcrum#tf idw#humanformers#transformers au#maccadam#i need a name for this au maybe? at least. if i plan on drawing more of it :/#gonna think on it ig#they went shopping tho :D. getting some late gifts and stuff ig. idk. holiday vibes tho.#the giant dino plush is for their version of connie. which i haven't decided if it'd be canon-like or more 'son boy allowed'#its also for misfire honestly. she's kinda attached to it now#also if fulcrum looks drunk. its because she is. a little bit. on love and good cheer <3 just kidding. it's probably eggnog or smth#crankcase didn't want to take the train. she has a perfectly mostly functional blue jeep that she has a hate/love relationship with#she got out voted tho. for the vibes#misfire is sleepy bcs train motion is like the ultimate sleep inducing thing i swear to god. as soon as it starts its all. honk. mimimimimi#also also. forgot to mention this the last time i drew fem!misfire. the reason her sweater is kinda rough is because she fidgets with it#its uh. its well loved. and a little chewed on. and stained. and probably not the cleanest. but its her's <3#krok and spin are homebodies ig. so the gifts are for them. also i had meant to make one of the gifts blue for nickel. but i forgor :|#ok. i gots to go. dinner calls. but <33333#my art
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#didn't have a big party for my 30th for reasons that were partly distance and partly insecurities/depression#this year being back closer to where my people are decided to do a big party instead this weekend#my first since my 21st (which was... a struggle for also distance related reasons and may have reinforced said insecurities)#i am having to remind myself. i am doing my best none of us get to practice this life#interrupting this to say i just mindlessly slapped at a tickle on my arm only to discover it was HUGE#not the sandflies we've been getting all day but a moth or something at least a cm big! (i grabbed it and threw it away without looking)#anyway. what was i saying. having a little moment where my insecurities are coming back in the middle of the night#and i wonder if i have - again - asked for less than i truly want because i didn't feel like anyone would give the full thing to me#but the point is: i asked for something i wanted and that's something that takes practice. and the point is: i get to try again next year a#d next year and next year. and the point is: we only live this life once but it is not a short life and there will be more chances#to celebrate with the people i love. to ask for what i want. to learn to listen to what i actually want before i make myself smaller out#of habit#but i DID ask for a party and i DID ask for someone who isn't me to host it (a thing i haven't asked for since probably my 21st tbh) and#that's already growth#and it will be fun! i'm a bit sad that no one from my most recent chapter of life can be there but it's no secret that social was hard ther#so i only have 3 friends i wanted to invite anyway and all of them live several hours away#(and one of them i knew couldn't come already when i planned it - she's at a hens party - but we talked about it and decided to go ahead)#idk. really it's ok. but part of why i'm doing this is as a challenge to my own insecurities (as well as because it will be fun!) and i#really pray this year will see some of those insecurities dwindling. that i will be able to really believe that i am lovable and loved.#that's my prayer.
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#fifth doctor#ainley!master#doctor x master#dwedit#dw#*#ainley's really like. oh damn my first plan of killing him by sending him back to the big bang didn't work? it's ok i've got a backup plan:#i'll make a lil town for him to rest and recover from his regeneration sickness and i'll make sure he gets enough sleep and tuck him into#bed and give him a kiss goodnight and#(pls ignore the black lines on some of these i am not going back and recropping ty)
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#gifs#for op#me when two whole organizations are going wtf is wrong with those 2 !!!! [and HEY ARE YOU GOING OUT??#i didn't know how to cleanly put in the gifs of she's planning on doing something she can't undo to someone she cares about#AND ITS HIM!!!#HE'S THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY GOT SUPER HURT IN A DRAMATIC WAY[everyone else is fiiiiiiiine ok shake it off]#a murder attempt she feels she cant undo#anyway he was born to be put under a microscope (affectionate)]
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Oh yea, the dream
#So I was just reading the new dog man book right? For some reason my reason made it look more like...a rectangle shaped book?? Idk#Lil petey n molly were having Gelato maybe? They might've been playing around while big jim n grampa were going somewhere#OK THEN U GO TO THE PAGE-the one where grampa shows his proposal-yea that one#INSTEAD OF “I had other plans! Blah blah b-” HE WENT: “After she left-I took up one of my passions! Moondancing!” First of all he was doing#A MOONWALK. NOT. A. MOONDANCE?? I swear they're different things#+after she left?? Gurl I thought YOU left her [I think my dream was leaning towards my au in that moment-long story short: grace was da one#Who wanted Sabir out of the picture but it was he who left her entire life with little warning] cough anyway that's all I really remember#What sucks is that I was gonna get big jim believes in the dream too but I didn't read it😭
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