#didn't even talk to my ex-friend :)
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what abt gojo who's rlly famous ..
streamer!gojo x reader
Satoru would have no problem inviting you over during one of his streams- as long as you don't disturb him at all. you'd probably just sit there in the background, out of view. and probably stifle your giggles since Satoru's chat seems to make fun of him every once in a while.
Satoru doesn't realize it at first, but he's hopelessly in love with you. that probably explains the reason why he keeps inviting you over during his streams and nobody else.
Satoru will pout whenever you're not looking at him and his stream, and will probably do the stupidest shit ever to get your attention back on him.
as per usual Satoru behavior, he's going to try his best to impress you. and I mean his absolute best. He'll basically be so focused on a game if he knows you're watching and giving him your full attention.
if there are days where you can't make it, obviously Satoru's going to be pouty. his whole chat would be asking him what's wrong and he'd brush it off, but still be pouty despite his whole chat pestering him.
if you can't make it, obviously you're going to watch Satoru's stream from any of your devices. most of the time you'll comment on his stream saying hi, and that'd instantly light up Satoru's whole day. like he'd actually stop pouting and get to impressing [ or at least trying .. ] you.
Satoru will also let you play on his computer off stream either before or after. he'd lean on his own chair- the one you're sitting on, letting his arms hang loosely around your shoulders. he'd also compliment you and tease you.
Satoru's the one to actually introduce the idea of you playing with him on stream. this is probably his attempt at spending more time with you [ it works, somehow ].
Satoru gets jealous whenever people compliment you and try to flirt with you. and even though his whole chat is practically spamming 'you're jealous,' he'd still deny it and say he's only 'looking out for you.'
one time, there was a comment where someone asked if you two were dating. it was only then that Satoru realized his feelings for you. even though he said you two weren't dating, when you weren't looking, he almost responded with 'I wish we were.'
Satoru probably has trouble sleeping or thinking straight now [ our poor baby :( ]. he'd be thinking about you 24/7. at night he just yearns to be dating you, to hold you, to kiss you. all that romantic stuff. sometimes it drives him insane, the constant need to at least see you, and sometimes he ends up calling you at night, with the excuse of 'being bored.'
you two eventually end up together after Satoru gathers the balls to confess.
I think I'll be writing on the weekends only and I'll try writing for other characters [ I won't- I only wanna write for gojo tbh ]
this has been on my mind for so long ..
#birthday party went great#for anyone who was curious#didn't even talk to my ex-friend :)#gojo satoru#gojou satoru x reader#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo drabbles#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#jjk x you#jjk drabbles#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk gojo#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo#jjk x y/n#jjk fluff
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an edek themed collage 🪲
#not me posting this just to have an excuse to talk about him more aaahahhhah#i've created edek approx 4 years ago and since then he went through little to no design changes#he is jus flawless. perfect#his personality however.. oof#i mean !!! he's not a bad guy#as i mentioned before he's very friendly and open to new people and opportunities#its just. he was based on my (now) ex best friend#me and that friend were close during primary school and despite me moving cities we managed to keep this friendship going#but you know. it wasnt the same. it became long distance#and i think i manifested my longing by creating an oc that was based on his aesthetics and personality#it took me some time to realise that i've been viewing this friend through lens of this oc. that of course lead to idealisation#because he wasn't physically there with me i created an imaginary version of him in my head#it was also because at this point we were getting older and slowly growing apart#and i think i wanted to grasp a little part of him that would still understand me#edek's relationship with ryba was also heavily influenced by this relationship#and. well. the things that my ex friend and edek have in common are short temper (despite acting chill) and trouble showing affection#he also tends to say things faster than he can even think them through#oh and he enjoys long walks through the woods and mountain hiking and bicycling and bugs and mushrooms and. yeah#and the other traits!!!!#he is suuuuuuper protective of his loved ones especially his younger sister irenka#his interest include everything thats fantasy and with folklore themes#hes also a stoner lol#aaand a funfact - he and zbyszek (of dycha za zbycha!!!!) used to be friends in childhood but they aren't friends as of now#why you might ask? from edek's pov zbyszek and his family just randomly disappeared#and edek was the only one that wasn't in on the fact that they have moved to the usa#edek wondered why his best friend at that time didn't tell him such important news#and often thought that there mustve been something wrong with him or zbyszek didn't actually like him that much#this incident heeeavily influenced his perception of relationships in the future#OH AND ALSOO hes an artist he graduated art hs with a degree in graphic design and is in college for the same thing#original character
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not to be weird and sappy on main, but frfr i'm so glad i have found a community of people who think my work is good
#talking#to the tags if you want the longer rant that maybe i'll talk about fully one day#tl;dr when i was in hs i was with my ex that i think ive mentioned like once or twice#there was a lot of shit wrong with that relationship and us and me at the time#but the thing that happened after we broke up which was the worst was her saying i was passionless#because in her mind i wasn't 'trying hard enough'#didn't help that she was super talented in art (even if thinking about it now its way too disney for my taste tbh)#and seemingly had her life together bc she had a super cool supportive mom#(wish i could've gotten her in the divorce tm)#and tbh that haunted me for YEARS#i stopped drawing for years after being with her#i didn't really pick up drawing HARD again until 2020#and i didn't really work on many of my own wips#just kinda poked at the ashes of the wips i got in the divorce (which funnily enough i don't use anymore. used the ocs but not the plots)#i was just so fucked up about it#but seeing y'all comment that you like my writing and my art#having people say that my worldbuilding is fire and passionate#idk it heals the part of me that died that day#so thank you all from the bottom of my soul#whenever y'all are kind enough to compliment me the hole mends even more#so idk i was just thinkin about it like bro the difference between me then and now is night and day#in part to all my lovely friends and mutuals#so yeah idk thank u i'm gonna go back in me corner again
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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what do you MEAN my auntie is anti vax 😭 TWO of her brothers are doctors. another is a pharmacist!!!!!. HOW do you get to that conclusion ??????!!!!!
#chaos.txt#SHE COULDN'T HAVE ASKED? ANYONE?#oh my god her baby is like. 2 years old? NO VACCINES?#NONE? NONE AT ALL?#and she wants to have an unplanned home birth like MA'AM THATS DANGEROUS. PEOPLE CAN DIE#thats so upsetting and shocking and confusing like i have no idea why. her first birth was a c section 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#girl its not even like the first one was easy you should know better!!!!#ok home birth is more comfortable/simpler so no travelling thats fine i understand#UNPLANNED? NO NURSES? NO HEART MONITOR? NO AMBULANCE ON STANDBY?#what if she gets pre eclampsia. what if she doesn't dilate. what if baby can't breathe. what if baby needs cpr. what if she needs stitches.#what if she clots. Or doesn't???? what if the placenta doesn't deliver. what if. oh my god#oh my GOD. what the hell!!!!#and her sister in law is an ex doctor TOO. fine she doesn't want to talk to her brothers but THEY'RE FRIENDS.#head in hands. so many things can go wrong and the hospital isn't even far away 😭#i really honestly don't like her husband he's never home he's definitely misogynistic he's almost certainly the decider of being anti vax..#girl 😭 if he didn't like vaccines whyd he marry into a medic family like get OUTTT
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the thing is... I never had a nickname
#which is insane#I'm usually the one giving nicknames#it's just something i do when i care about people i guess#my sister has one#my brother too#not even my ex best friend ever had a nickname for me#there was only one person who ever gave me a nickname#fuck man...#and i know get sentimental over these things very quickly#but it's just...#idk when you've been hungry your hall life you take what's being over#and you might try to take small bites#but you are so fucking hungry and suddenly you've eaten everything and didn't make sure the person who gave you the food get some#shit fuck.....#alex talks
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one of the things that i really hate is when a guy is really creepy toward women but people make excuses that maybe's he's just autistic. why is that your perception of autistic people. why do people think its more likely for a creepy guy to be autistic than just like. a regular misogynist that doesn't treat women as people. and why would being autistic make it excusable.
it feels kind of infantilizing to me. like people expect we autistic people to not have control over ourselves at all and no ability to learn right from wrong.
i think it's also because it's easier to blame individual people for "being wrong" rather than accept that our society and culture is extremely hostile toward women and creates an environment where men behave this way because they have been taught to and because they can get away with it.
#personal#people just hate autistic people even though we havent like. done anything.#but they imagine that we do!#i remember my ex's mom hated this random kid that was at their house one time. he was being annoying#but fully in the realm of normal kid stuff. following people around asking a lot of questions and talking about his interests#but he was obviously on the spectrum so this became a crime. and later they all sat around talking about how terrible he was#literally an 8 year old child#another time i met my ex's friend group and i was hanging out with some of the girls#we were outside and it was COLD so i asked if it was okay if i kinda huddled next to one of them. she said yes.#and then a little while later she said she didn't want to anymore and i was just like. okay sure thing.#and then she proceeded to make a huge deal about how i was obviously really mad that she had withdrawn her consent. even though i wasn't.#but its like. we are inherently read as being predatory#and this is justified by labeling people who are predatory as autistic. ignoring other factors that enable people to be predatory
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#tw trauma#venting#i know it's been over two years now and i should probably stop thinking/talking about this#but i can't get over how my ex behaved towards me despite knowing my past and trauma#how he kept pushing my boundaries and making me feel bad for even setting them despite very well KNOWING my reasons#like this dude KNEW about my past and STILL behaved this way#how he wanted me to “get help for my issues” but only as a disguise to get what HE wants#telling me that if i didn't get a therapist within the next year he'd break up#i forced myself to do things i never wanted and now deeply regret#i set a boundary and could watch it being ignored weeks later#when i broke up with him he wished terrible things for me and told me to fuck myself#and even after that he kept on trykng to contact me on every possiblr social media months after#last time he contacted me was in july this year.....we broke up OVER 2 YEARS AGO#i'm glad i left but i have so much unresolved shit that i just cannot let it go#like that shit sits deep#this is so much oversharing i'm so sorry#will probably regret posting this and delete but i had to get it out#can't keep annoying my friends with this#again sorry
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#the thing is. you should believe survivors#also my ex after we broke up tried to go to half of our mutual friend and tell them horrifying stories of abuse he was dealing with#it wasn't even planned smearing campain (I don't think it's his style). he was truly hurt. some things really di happened. some even#happened the way he told it. and some were blowed to 'I went to work with bruises every day' (he was grabbed by hand by other partner once#and had bruises because he was so white-skinned he bruised like from touch)#or how I forced him to live with other man that hated him and turned his life to hell (he forgot to mention that it was my disabled brother#he flew away from our abusive mother as soon as he turned 18 and I gave him shelter. after asking partners to consider this seriously#because it's big commitment. I also stated several times that I'm willing to move out with him if it's unpleasant. also this 'living hell'#was him ignoring my partner completely after he yelled on him several times because as he said he didn't ran away from home#to suffer yelling again)#so yeah. it didn't work that time because my friend actually know everything from me long before my ex came to them#they nodded politely and never talked to him again#but it lingers. and it majes me look really critically at any call out or accusation.#person could be really hurt. really harmed even. and still there could be biases or misunderstanding or any human messiness#it sounds like girl had a horrifying experience. it also looks like she kept illusion of being fully on board and loving it.#was it believably? or he just didn't care#did he pick her because she was young and inexperienced? or because she told him she's interested in bdsm?#did he tried to help her when she was in bad place? or was he calculatingly buying her silence?#was he creepy or was he awkward?#honestly I don't know even... what kind of proofs you can get there#like we have her statement. we have objective thing — texts and vids. we can have Gaiman own statement#so what if he will repeat what stated in messages: it was consensual she literally wrote what she want me to do etc#believe survivors. what if everything she told is true too. but also what in messages are true too#what if she was scared and hurt and also told him yes and more and please master. because people are complicated#would he accused of not reading her mind? would there be charges on not checking enough. HOW WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT#like it's all is ne genuinely trying to understand what's next and how it could be wrapped at all#for the record: even if it was absolutely 💯 consensual and girl like completely lying about everything etc#he's still clearly fucked up and things were messy for a lot of reasons. it's bad!#but there's difference between 'it was rape or coercion' and 'it was poorly planned affair and he should've be more considerate of partners#feelings'. and in any way. hope that girl gets help
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A little thing that happened to me the other day.
So, my cousin (he's 12) was commenting on how my boyfriend was sulking all the time while we were at a Con, especially when someone commented positively on my cosplay or me specifically (I was in the competition) and how he found it strange because I worked so hard on that cosplay and shouldn't he be happy others found me pretty and capable? (he's a very wise young boy, isn't he?).
So I said a thing: "If one isn't proud when their partner is praised, they're unworthy of them"
And, of course, I meant it about my boyfriend, but I think I dealt an accidental blow to my dad who wasn't exactly happy with how many compliments my mom got from my friends (my whole family was there to see my performance).
I mean, my dad is usually a great person, but he shut up in a very strange way after I said that and my mom was glowing, so, uh, I guess I gave an accidental lesson to him.
But the thing is that I'm still thinking about that thing I said and I found it meaningful enough to want to share it.
#personal post#my life#yeah things are still piling up so the boyfriend will likely be an ex soon enough#said cousin even said he thinks he's toxic because one can't want their girlfriend to only be with and talk with him only#that said I won a side prize#and was praised a lot for my performance#so I was too happy to give a damn about him sulking in the background#and before that I met lots of people I haven't seen in months and made some new friends too#so I was too busy to be alone with him and honestly I didn't want to#he moped so hard my brother stopped trying to be polite and started to describe him in a certain way behind his back#well he uses a word that has no clear translation in english but something like a boring killjoy who is also stupid and a fool
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i genuinely don't know what changed where i experience active romance repulsion so much now but like. goddamn that shit is not for me. good to know! important to know these things about yourself!
#like i'm genuinely happy for my friends who r in relationships and it makes me happy to be around them#but that's bc it's their business and desires etc#i don't even super like reading romance anymore. not that it was ever a big category for me but like. i saw the appeal#it's not that reading or watching it makes me actively uncomfortable so much as i prefer basically every other close relationship dynamic#mostly the addition bores me. but also it doesn't make me Comfortable ig#and my ex has been really great about wanting to be careful w how he describes us and talks to me as we've been figuring things out#but sometimes even he says something that reads a little too romantic to me and it sets stuff off. which is Fine it's not his problem#he's being super great abt it and we communicate about everything#and it's not a complete 180 either i wasn't a fan of romance stuff before i just do not want it near me at All anymore#anyway. those r my bi-monthly aro ramblings.#maybe the repulsion piece will change at some point! but also i look back at my life and how frequently i said i didn't want a relationship#- growing up and how i was like. made to believe by society if not the people close to me that that wasn't true. and that i still have#- the same response now as i did in 7th grade and starting college. so#i just get SUCH bad crushes which is a stupid affliction to have at the same time. i literally want. so bad. that's it tho!#ted talks
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i was going to have a beautiful bowl of fruit and granola and pineapple cottage cheese but when i opened my fresh new cottage cheese container it was MOLDY 😭😭 and the friends i messaged about market reccs haven't answered me!! and it's gray and cold out!!!!!!!!!!
#and my ex fave coworker (quit) who i thought was my friend has been really cagey about answering my texts for months#& didn't even answer the last one at ALL which i assume means she just doesn't want to talk to me. but i truly thought we were good friends#and i don't know what i did. but i'm not gonna push if somebody makes it clear they don't want to talk to me.#whatever. there's a food fest the next neighborhood over that i'm going to go to later i hope i can eat something good there#i'm tired of going to stuff alone all the time. oh well. pathetic time is over i am facing my sunday#chatpost
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lol
#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
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sigh grief and loss is everywhere. doors close that can't be reopened and yet i still scratch at them like a lost dog. why
#she bork#idk lol who knows.#no actually to go back to this and make it less vague (bc it's still bothering me) why did texting a friend i haven't talked to in a couple#of years feel like texting an ex???? we didn't have any big ugly falling out she just kind of dropped contact w me and the rest of the group#gradually so we were like. okay word ig and started our own gc (which is now the one we use obviously). i feel like there's bad blood there#but i'm not even sure and i keep being like. what did i do to cause this. what drove her away. but it's not my fault just like it's not#anyone in the rest of the group's fault. but why is it bothering me so bad like bruh you've been knew that friendship is over so why is it#bothering you now.#(which also the reason i texted her is bc she kept popping up on my messages widget on my home screen even though we haven't texted in#literal years and i got a really strong feeling i should text her and check in. as soon as i texted her it went away. she answered very like#coldly which is why i feel like there's bad blood somewhere but i don't have anything specific in mind. so like it hasn't even been#bothering me this whole time it just popped up suddenly bc of that gut feeling i got. idk cue that quote that's like 'how do you cope w#grief?' 'run from it until it catches me in the middle of the street on a sunny day')
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#it's been a while that I put something in the tags but Im very lost atm for reasons i don't know#i don't know if Im nervous to see my friendgroup from uni again because my ex crush is going to be there and I have to pretend everything is#fine while also not getting frustrated by that toxic friend that I can't stand anymore#or if it's because im feeling so damn empty from getting on a dating app after being rejected by said ex crush#i don't know know why Im on there my friend said it was an good idea but Im already regretting but I can't just delete it or whatever#because I actually have some people I have been talking to but why do I feel so empty then??#why does it feel like my life has been sucked out of me today? it can't just me the amount of interaction im sure that's not it.#i thought ... i thought this would make me happy to try bew things to get more attention from people get more confident#but why can't I shake this depression like feeling off#because I know this feeling well but I hope it doesn't stay please don't stay#how will I get better like this? am I still healing? i know I am but I was fine just yesterday just yesterday I didn't think of him#so why can't I shake this?#i have no answers I have nothing and I can't talk to anyone about it either because I don't even know what's going on#please just let me understand so I can heal this fix this#please just make me okay again#i can't start the year like this#please
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shit I think I've just admitted to myself for the first time that I kind of hate my dad
#like I've had. conflicting emotions since he died in 2016#talked through it a lot with my therapist and everything#but.#I think it's only now been long enough that I can be honest and say he really sucked#he was nicer than my mother so he was always my favourite#but he wasn't NICE#he constantly yelled at us#he never stopped my mother from blaming me for everything#right until he died he only cared about his girlfriend and his job#there was never one word about being sad about us (his children)#he did everything for whatever shitty woman he was with at the time. we were never a priority#he treated his girlfriend's daughter (my ex best friend) much better than he ever treated me and she is THE WORST.#like#fuck. that's not okay#he left his first wife and his two small children for my mother#he's always been shitty and I just didn't want to admit that both of my parents were not nice#I mean like I thought it was normal to constantly insult each other and like call your children/parents assholes and whatever#but that's not normal???#like I even had to defend his shitty girlfriend's daughter all the time. she was so young still and he constantly said mean shit about her#fuck. I'm just so tired#I don't want to think about this anymore#and I will never admit this out loud around anyone in my family. because it was always my mother vs my dad and I was in the middle and#everything he did was my fault. he was the worst so I was the worst#(oh but they also had an affair for like 20 years after their divorce. while she was married and he was in several relationships)#(fuck my parents really just suck all around in every fucking way ľ
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