#didn’t want to doxx myself lmao

[cemeterylight]

what happens in the stall…

[arson-09]

Oh my God, I meant to send that previous ask as an anon 💀💀 I've been exposed as Rhysta Stan. Let's hope the antis don't come and doxx me/j

Anyway, I'll be honest. I've never read ACOTAR, I just heard the concept and thought it was cool and read some reviews to see whether I should buy it but like- it doesn't appeal to me ig- but I really loved the concepts of the characters and was so disappointed when they didn't align with my interests.

(I also like Rhysta solely for the dynamics and concepts too so oops, I'm sorry if I don't understand the true depth of it)

Do you think I should like acc give ACOTAR a chance to read, though???

Oh no😭

You don’t have to ‘understand’ the true depth of something or have read its source material to like it :D I actually didn’t read the books before i decided to become an acotar blog/ a Tamlin fan. I had watched CariCanRead make these plot summary videos on youtube (which are really good btw if you don’t want to read the books!) because i knew they were really popular but i was eh to read them myself. I just kind of said wow everyone hates Tamlin for some reason, i’m going to like him cause i think he’s cool. Then the urge to really dive in and analyze his character took hold and i read them which lead me coming up with too many au ideas and mini essays about my opinions lmao.

Now, whether or not to give acotar a try is kinda hard. If you know you’re probably not going to like it just don’t waste your time. While i like some of the characters and yap about them a lot here, i personally dislike how the books are written and find them lacking. But if you want to be a hater or just want to learn more about the characters from the technical source material, go ahead! I always recommend borrowing books from the library or getting them secondhand if your not sure you will like it. Cause books have kinda gotten expensive (at least here in the US i obviously dont know where your from) And once again i have yapped quite a bit😭🫶🏻

[todayesterday]

@m1ssunderstanding asked if i could share more of the story so here it is!! it got long but it’s kind of a once-in-a-lifetime story to tell haha

i don’t really feel comfortable sharing too many details of how it happened because i don’t wanna doxx myself lmao but it happened in a hotel during his recent tour. i was in the lobby when he came down to leave for his concert that day. it was very brief. i first saw him right after he got off the elevator. in person, he looked exactly like i imagined him, and it caught me by surprise?? it was so surreal seeing him from so close after 10 years of being a fan. it felt like i was looking at a life-size video of him or something. after he waved at the hotel staff, i said “hey paul! hi!” and he turned to me with these exact expressions 😮🥰 - he seemed delighted that i said hi to him, which was so cute. it felt as though he was as excited to see me as i was to see him, which is obviously not the case, but he smiled so wide it made me feel like it was. then he walked straight towards me (i couldn’t move because of security and i think i physically wasn’t able to, even if i could). when he looked into my eyes, my brain short-circuited and i extended my arms to him, kind of like i was surrendering, and all i could think to say was “i love you so much”. then he got even closer and stood right in front of me. i had pulled my arms back because i wasn’t about to touch him without his permission, but then he went 😁🖐️ so i went to high-five him and he grabbed my hand. then i said “i love you so much” again like an idiot, and he held on to my hand and squeezed it. i can’t tell you how it felt to feel the warmth of his skin on mine - this was paul mccartney and he was there, squeezing my hand. actual paul mccartney. and his hand was so very soft. it felt out-of-this world. it lasted like, 3 seconds, but it felt like ages. then he let go and continued on walking, of course, because he had places to be. as soon as he turned his back to me i started ugly sobbing (pretty sure he heard it) and wasn’t able to stop for like 30 min afterwards and i felt so embarrassed about it - people were kinda worried about me and all but everyone was really nice and found it endearing that i got so emotional lol. my strongest memory is him coming towards me, but i don’t really recall what he looked like when he touched me - it’s just too much for my brain to process. i didn’t record a video or anything because i didn’t want to stick a phone to his face, but people around me recorded it and i can tell by the videos that he said “thank you” to me, although i didn’t hear it at the time. i think i was too overwhelmed to hear. anyway, it was lovely. he didn’t have to do any of this, he could’ve walked straight past me and moved on with his day, but he didn’t. he stopped and looked at me and held my hand for a few seconds. and i’ll cherish this moment forever & forever. lovely lil paul looking right into my eyes and smiling. he’s just a cool dude sometimes, y’know. apart from everything, apart from it all. he’s just a cool cool dude.

paul mccartney just held my hand and squeezed it tight as i told him repeatedly that i loved him so much. i’m much too shaken to even process it but i just thought it’d share it. his hand is so soft and his eyes so sweet

[yhs-grian-rights]

Sorry to bother you, but what the hell happened with Sam? I knew he's a fuckin douche but what the hell happened here?

Well I've had alot of people ask what the hell went down, so I guess I'll answer it here!

A 'callout' post was posted on twitter, where they talked about all the weird content that is present in yhs,TS and KoV. The post itself I believe claims that it's not trying to cancel Sam the content creator, but meant to spread awareness, and dare they ask, have content warnings for their videos? Preposterous.

Anyway, it got people talking, good, people were getting educated and properly warned about the content. But that also gained the attention of Sam. One would usually apologize or clarify, or simply brush it off, but that would be too easy lol. I mean, holy shit Sam, dude if you're reading, you could have easily said 'oh that was 5 years ago, and I'm not like that anymore' and boom, it would have been done, I mean there was proof but still, most would have agreed. People can change. It's normal. I myself probably wouldn't have agreed with being called out if it was something that was done years ago, I think it's a shitty thing to do. But, instead of that, he DEFENDED himself, even said "I will continue making the same jokes where I see fit" WHICH IS??? HUH. He basically dug his own grave when he said that, where do you possibly see fit to make rape and suicide jokes???? In a Minecraft roleplay?? The fuck?

Anyway, I am not active on Twitter so I didn't see it all go down apart from screenshots and links. So I'll skip directly to the part that had to force me to get involved in this shit show.

Out of nowhere, Sam and Baylee (his sister) joined the server. The kinnie server (wheeze). And emediatelly a "discussion" as they called it, happened. It was 2 am so I was asleep at the time, but my friend rightfully handled the situation to have a proper discussion. You can see the highlights of it in Mika's post about it, where she simply asked that a content warning would be appropriate, seeing as kids watch his videos (which he denied, which is stupid cuz do you think 18 year olds were the target audience of yhs when it came out??? You don't have control over who watches your videos, but it's Minecraft roleplay, what do you expect lmao) the mod ended up kicking them out (we have bragging rights now for kicking Sam from our server lol).

But, the thing that strikes me odd is the fact that he looked through our chat. Looked through conversations of 14-17 year olds. He's almost 30. Yeah that sounds about right. He was trying to dig dirt on us. Found a "kill me" comment, and thought that yes, we too are as bad as him, because simply saying kill me is equivalent to showing a hanged block man on a video to millions of kids. Nice! Guess we're all cancelled!

Im sure some friends of Sam linger in the server. I've heard he's trying to doxx Mika, a minor, for documenting a conversation that was public in the server. Which is also incriminating.

No one is asking for him to be a saint, or even agree on what should and shouldn't be joked about. Humor is subjective after all, if he really wants, he can keep making those shitty jokes, it would be cool if he didn't! Yet again, young people watch those videos and it's kinda fucked up. But I won't be policing what you can and can't do, I don't have a life but come on I got better things to do lol. The thing everyone is asking for, is proper content warning, literally just add warnings in the description or title. You might find the jokes funny but you can't deny it's a sensitive issue. He warns people for swearing but not for dark humor? It's a bit silly.

Anyway yeah that's some of main stuff that's been going on. Were tired.

[potentially-lemongrass]

hey! um i wanted to ask a bi queerstake member whose dated about this, um I want to marry in the temple and I know that means I'll have to marry a AMAB person, is it bad that I want a nb/nb aligned masc person or at least a bisexual or asexual partner? i feel like i wont find someone like that, I just want someone who understands and is also queer but also fits kind of with the church narrative. is that weird? you dont have to answer this I just wanted to ask since no one talks about it i guess

honestly my perspective on dating has changed a lot since meeting B so I might say something completely different to what I was saying in previous months. (and of course, as always, this is just Ryn’s Opinion TM so take what you will). Also, looong post incoming as this is also a bit of a life update/journal entry since it’s been a while. I’m using B to respect his privacy and as always, I know that i’m super personal on here but please don’t try to doxx me or find out more than I’m willing to share <3 I’m slightly paranoid so I feel like I always need to say that. 

ANYWAY, I am still decidedly bisexual ✌ and so I’ll fight against bi erasure all day long since I’m a cis woman dating a cishet man. I will never be a straight woman and B totally understands and respects that. However, it also doesn’t exactly matter?? since I’ve chosen him so I’m not dating any men OR women.

Before meeting him, I was thinking about dating in the abstract especially since I really never had a serious relationship with anyone. I was fantasizing about dating girls and feeling deeply cheated that the Church was robbing me of that opportunity. I was angry, deeply depressed, and just generally not in a good mental place.

Coming to college was when I decided I wasn’t mentally going to “do” Church anymore. I skipped a few Sundays, and still signed up for Institute but I was angry and very determined to distance myself from the Church. I had to know if I even wanted to do this with my life and part of my master plan was getting a girlfriend. (although with the caveat that dating a girl, *just* to date a girl and not a guy, isn’t the best plan and I should have been more focused on romance)

I didn’t expect to meet B and when I did, I was deeply worried about getting a man who was “Peter Priesthood” and I would never be able to share my queer identity with him. B isn’t at all like that. He spent enough time around the queer kids in high school to really get a feel for the struggle and he’s never ever made me feel weird about it. He’s even encouraged and asked me to talk about it so I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything.

I came to two conclusions (well, maybe two and a half). 1) I’m definitely bisexual. Over the summer, I had briefly wondered if I was a lesbian and comp het was just taking its toll. Nope. Men are hot and my bf is absolutely a snack. So if anyone is looking for advice about figuring out sexuality, just try dating someone. I totally believe that you can know your sexuality without experience but it most definitely helps if you know what you’re talking about.

2) I missed church. I hadn’t realized it until I walked away but I truly do have a testimony and I longed for the presence of the Spirit in my life. So I chose to turn back. I read my scriptures and prayed sincerely and listened at church. No, I’m not entirely happy with the Church. There are things that make me cry and cringe and grit my teeth, but I have decided that I want to be here.

Part of that realization was B. My friend asked me if I could see myself getting married in the temple and I realized suddenly that I could. Suddenly it wasn’t a faceless man dragging me into a suburban life of mommy minivans and LDS conformity. It was the thought of B and I, holding hands and promising each other forever in the most eternal sense and it was me, making covenants with Heavenly Father. He and I both know that I’ve always had real joy in my life when I was doing my best to keep His commandments.

What I really needed was to accept my queer identity and feel like I could date girls if I wanted to. Finding B and finding my testimony were linked, as wild it is to say.

Not to say that that road would be easy. I’m not even close to being ready for marriage. B and I are figuring things out, both between us and with the Church. If faith was neat and simple, it wouldn’t be such an enduring theme throughout all of history.

 But maybe sometime in the next 5 years? Maybe in 2-3 years? I might be Mrs. Lemongrass. (pffft yes we’ll assume we’re taking my tumblr url as a last name lmao)

SO now you’re wondering about how that applies to your actual question. There will definitely be people in the Church who match what you’re looking for. My philosophy is that there really is someone out there for everyone. You’re trying to forecast for the future which is great and necessary but love doesn’t happen in the abstract. A Relationship TM isn’t some nebulous concept or a copy and paste letter. It’s what happens when you and a specific other person like each other a whole lot and it goes from there. Your relationship won’t look like mine or your parents or anyone else’s because you and your future partner are unique people.

So you totally may find someone in the Church who is queer and down for a temple marriage. Keep in mind as well that you may also find someone in the Church who is cishet and that works too. Just because someone isn’t queer doesn’t mean they can’t understand--assuming no one will ever understand you has always felt arrogant and dismissive of the power of empathy imho--so a cishet guy could be just as amazing.

So there’s no need to feel bad about wanting a specific type of person but don’t close yourself off! Enjoy the journey and put yourself out there with confidence. No one is good at relationships; they’re inherently awkward. You’ll say dumb stuff or fart in front of them or they’ll overshare and you’ll panic. Just trust the process, laugh at yourself, and realize the only thing you can really do is live in *this* moment. I hope this doesn’t sound condescending at all! This is just all my big sister advice that I can think of. Remember that you are loved, always, always, always by our Heavenly Parents and They’ll help you figure stuff out.

[canonlucidia]

Rules : tag 20 people you’d like to know better and wrangle them into answering the questions below.  

I was tagged by @mawwart but the thread was really long, so I thought I'd make my own c:

Nickname : None that I want other people to actually call me ahaha. Just Bee is fine lmao

Gender : Nonbinary. I gave up trying to define it past that years ago ghdhgsd

Star sign : Capricorn (12/24 babyyy)

Height : 5’2"

Hogwarts house : hufflepuff-- although I took a test recently that more or less told me I was a depressed gryffindor which is een funnier imo

Favorite animal : It's hard to pick just one! Right now it's Frogs, but I also love foxes, owls, and opossums.

Number of blankets : 3 or 4

Where I’m from : Vermont.. not to like, immediately doxx myself or w/e but.. eh

When I started this account : I think it was January this year? January or February. My main has been around since November of 2010 though.

Why I started this account : For once I didn't want to flood my main with a new fandom, mostly out of embarrassment haha

I’ll tag... @madamedevien @schneeeetz11 @artehell @luciferswerthersorginals @yukiobeyme @flu-type--a @calling-me-merry @maybethatmakessense and @camilahellsing 

Don’t worry if you don’t wanna c: 

[ardentlythieving]

Heyyyy everybody welcome back to the rambling with Ardent show coz yet again I’ve been having thoughts and typing them out helps me process them so here they are. As always if u rebagel i kill you but like,,,, not today or tomorrow just one day...... ummm putting this one under a cut and like tw: abuse coz im gonna be talking quite heavily about that hhhhh.

Hi, I’m Ardent and I’m an introvert. “But Ardent you act like the LEAST introverted person I know”. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buckle up peeps coz all will be explained... eventually. This one is gonna be a long one.

Ok so I’m not 100% on where to take this one so it might be kinda messy, but y’all can just deal yea coz that’s what my brain is like All The Time. Anyways. I guess it started when I was REALLY young. Not the abuse itself, that’ll tie in later but. Fun Ardent Fax number 67: I was homeschooled until I was about 9. And here’s a free secret from me: homeschooling + adhd = a 9y/o who doesn’t reallly know how to relate to other ppl. Hella shy, hella nervous, bad at making friends. Got bullied quite a bit, it was whatever. Safe to say I was a pretty Lonely Kid. This isn’t part of the abuse, but it did set me up for it I guess. Like, it made me vulnerable in a specific way that someone could, and did, exploit.

When I was 12 was when I met her. She has quite a unique name and despite what she did to me I don’t wanna doxx her so imma call her NJB for nutjob bitch because I can be nasty if I want to and right now I want to. Shut up, this is my post not urs. Anyways, we were in the same class, we were both cut off from any other friends we had at that point due to them being in different classes and we kinda.. fell in together. Around this point was also when my mom got diagnosed with cancer, which will become relevant later. Back to the story. So for about a year, maybe a little longer everything was great. We got really close really quickly. She was probably my first Real Best Friend since I started school. Now the year before I HAD made some friends, but like I said, they all got put in other classes. And I was so friggin scared of going back to being that lonely that I got real close to her real fast. 

Then we started high school/college/whatever you wanna call it. And that was the point where things got.... weird. NJB started lying. About a ton of shit. And it was stuff that I KNEW was bullshit, but if I didn’t take her seriously enough she got pissy at me. And then like a week later wow, lie no longer relevant, wonder why that is??? Lmao. Now at this point there were other people in our group of friends. Who had all joined the group through NJB. This should’ve been a MASSIVE red flag, but I was like 13 or 14, so I didn’t pick up on it. Basically anyone else I wanted to hang out with, she wasn’t interested in getting to know. And if I hung out with other ppl and tried to become friends with them she started getting very pissy about that. And like... she was my Best Friend and these were people with Friend Potential and I didn’t wanna be lonely again so it was really no contest. 

And at this point she got bored of general lies and started lying about ME. Everything would be fine for a while and then she’d be like “why did you do/say this?” And it was something that NEVER happened. And sometimes she wouldn’t even explicitly say what I supposedly did, she’d just tell me that “I know what I did” (no i dont coz it never happened) and then she’d call me an ugly bitch or whatever. I could apologise or I could try and remind her that it never happened or I could just say nothing and take it and it didn’t matter. She wouldn’t talk to me, she’d stop our other friends from talking to me, and I would just be isolated for a while. A couple of times she threatened to beat me up, although she never actually did. 

And then she’d be all “I forgive you” or she wouldn’t even do that she’d just act like it never happened and was all ready to be friends again and I didn’t HAVE anyone else and I hated hated hated being so LONELY and would’ve done anything to stop. And I think there was also a bit of me that was scared of what she would do if I said no. So I’d go back to being her friend and everything would be great and fun and wonderful for a while and then it would happen again. And again. And again. For about a year.

Then my mom died. And I took a month off school. And two weeks after I got back, she did it again. Yeah. My mom had been dead 6 weeks and she decided this was the perfect time to make up lies about the depressed girl. I lost it. I literally threw myself at her. I got pulled off her and just kept trying to kick her, but I couldn’t and I was sent out of class. Didn’t get in trouble for it, but I got to spend that class sitting in the library reading and it was the only class I had with her so... probably for the best lmao. And on the very last day of school for the year she came up to me and acted like nothing had happened and I was so relieved to not have to be alone anymore and that she’d forgiven me for attacking her that I just.... went along with it. For another year or two. And then I finally had other friends and one day she started one of those lies that weren’t about me, but I was supposed to be ultra sympathetic to and I just. Walked away. 

And then the abuse itself was over, but the trauma was still there. And I repressed it so fuckin deep I only really remembered this shit all happened about a month ago. I got scared right, like deep down all the way inside me, of being that dependent on one person ever again that I would let them treat me like that because being alone was worse. And that was the point when I became an extrovert. I forced myself into that role of talking to as many disconnected people as possible and having as many different groups as possible because it was the only way I felt safe. Because she didn’t start that shit until at least a year into our friendship, so how tf was I supposed to believe that the new people in my life would 100% never hurt me like that? I still don’t know how. So I coped the only way I could: by making sure that even if someone DID pull that shit and cut me off from a group of friends I had other options. 

It also meant I have... issues dealing with loss. Because I DID have one other friend for the first year that was going on. And then she moved to Australia and I was totally alone. So I guess I started associating losing friends with becoming dependent on one person again, which ironically enough made me more and more dependent on anyone I thought I was losing. That’s one I’m working through. Now that I’ve realized it’s what’s going on I can actually start addressing it and tbh I feel so much better now I am. Still don’t know how to deal with the whole “im forcing myself to act like an extrovert even when it exhausts me coz it’s the only way i feel safe”, but it’s whatever. I’m on meds now and I have a good support network and I’ve started therapy. One day I’ll figure it out. I’ve been living like this for this long, I can keep it up until I reach somewhere better.

And I guess that’s my sign off reminder. Whatever you’re going through, you’ve survived it this long. You can keep surviving until you reach somewhere better. One day we’ll all get to be a person we’re happy with, we just gotta hold on and work to it together. Ardently, signing out.

[chaseagainstonision]

I just wanna cover this for a bit. The screenshots from the Discord server are as follows: post 1 post 2 post 3 post 4 Full disclosure that I am the user Broke: pls subscrib and that our mods are the users who's names are in red. Also, I know that I've talked about this so much in my gender tag, so most of you have prob'ly seen this argument before. For the first image: It's not about being strictly being anti-onision or anti-taylor. That's not exactly how the server works. We can talk about how shitty they are and the things about them. That's what the anti-onision and the anti-taylor channels are for. We can also criticize them an not have an intence dislike for one or the other (like be okay with Taylor and not okay with Gerg, for example). The whole reasons that you were muted was because you were being incredible ruse and were going to invalidate other people becuase of their gender by saying "if it is allowed to be, i will start analyzing everyone's gender in the server." I only said that it was fine by me because it seemed that you were going to do it regardless of any sort of consensus. And I figure, if you attack me, you're leaving the rest of the server alone. But we're not out here attackign your gender identity, so I have no idea why you got incredibly defensive. When I talk about Taylor's gender issues, I'm only referencing it in regard to them. That's it. Not you, not anyone else. I'm not out here toquestion the validity of your gender or anyone else's gender aside from Taylor's, and for good reason. It's not like I'm purposely misgendering them, either, as I go out of my way to use the proper pronouns, even if I doubt their gender identity. But the reasons I do question their gender is 1) it one of the only things that they talk about 2) they make it their whole personality where that's all they are is their gender and that's it 3) their stance on gender dysphoria and their attempt to backpeddle 4) the fact that they are so against being called feminine and what have you while doing traditionally feminine things and wearing traditionally feminine things (not that, in general, there's anything wrong with that, just their unwillingness to admit they like feminine things) 5) claim that they have basically cripling dysphoria, but run around in videos and what not half naked and showing off their body (then taking the time to edit said videos) 6) Gerg's influence over them and him pushing them into other situations that they initially didn't want to be in and then renaming them (which I have made very clear that A] he renames his partners a lot, regardless of gender and B] it's incredibly uncomfortable for me), which is possible he pushed them into this, too 7) They have and still do weaponize their pronouns when people use the wrong ones, especially if it's a detractor 8) their refusial to go to a doctor and start hormones, stating that they don't want male body hair (darker leg hair, facial hair, etc) or to look explicitly male via hormones and/or getting surgery and I really can just keep listing reasons at this point. It's not really that you were being sarcastic. People are sarcastic in the server all the time. But, the fact that you called all of us "sensitive" because one of the mod put you in a time out? All becuase you were being rude to the rest of us in the server? Nah, man, that's not how this works. It's more about the fact that, whenever the issue about Taylor's gender comes up, we all talk about it in a civil maner and eventually agree to disagree while you just kept stirring up conflict about it. We're not out here to invalidate anyone. I've let this be known countless times. A lot of us in the community are some stripe of LGBT+. I, myself, am genderfluid and bi/pan. Most, if not all of us know what it's like to be invalidated or misgendered or what have you. You trying to take this weird moral high ground isn't doing you any favors. We're all pretty accepting people in regard to sexuality and gender. It's just that there comes a time where someone does something that you start to think on and question and that's where the debate over Taylor's gender comes in at because there are a ton of red flags everywhere. And I know that I've talked about this before, too, but if you're trans (like, trans trans and not just nonbinary, because there are differences in transitioning/not transitioning), you should transition and have dysphoria. Taylor claims to be trans (transmasc as of recently) but has said in the past that they're only really bothered that they're chest got bigger and their hips got wider (that's all due to having two kids). A simple fix for that would to at least get a breast reduction. Them saying that alone makes me believe that they just have body dismophia and not gender dysphoria. Because when I'm going through dysphoria, I wanna just rip my tits off and hate that I have a vagina. Taylor seemingly doesn't have those feelings, just generally going through what most people go through when they hate parts of their body. So no, it's not that no one has the right to analyze someone else's gender. It's that, in certain cases, there's a cause for debating someone's gender for the very reasons that I have stated above. For the second image: I don't have all of the conversation for this (since op blocked whoever they were talking to), but I will answer what I can see. I feel that people can comment on any post that is posted to a public forum. This site is basically a public forum and allows other users to post/reply on whatever posts they want. To sit and say that peopel can't comment is ridiculous. But most of the people commenting know what transphobia is, so this elitism is stupid. I already stated this above. Any time that you have come in to comment, you've started something. It's not that we're sensitive, trust me. We can engage in civil discussion about "hot button" issues and not have a huge problem. We've done it before since Taylor's gender is, indeed, a hot button issue. But I'll just leave it here for this image For the third image: That's... kinda the point? To showcase someone who is bringing in drama, most people won't censor out that name. Plus, both on Discord and here, you have the same user icon. Most of us already have false usernames, anyway, so what does it matter? My actual username on Discord is ChaseArts, anyway, but it's not like someone is going out of their way to doxx you or something. Just exposing what had happened in the server. Why would Gerg shit talk himself, lmao. That's got to be the dumbest theory that I have ever heard. If it were Gerg, he wouldn't willingly let a bunch of his detractors into his server, let alone to shit talk him and his spouse. Anyway, who has compared you to Gerg? That's a dumb comparison, too, honestly. But it's not that you were right and we were wrong. It's not an objective sort of thing. It's people opinions and you got way to salty and took it personally, for some reason. You were put in time out because you were stirring the pot. The mods were doing their job. The same woud happen if you were on another server with several mods, though I'm not certain if they would just put you in time out of just boot you completely.

[turtlemama]

17 + also 💛 from the other one p:

send me  💛 for my honest opinion of you 

no offens… i don’t want to doxx either of us but sometimes i remember the Anime Club Thing and it’s like! how often does that happen!! actually it’s probably more frequently than i’d assume lmao but it still amuses me

i’ve got a ton of really nice memories involving you & our mutual friends, even if we were all kind of a bit embarrassing back then .. and even if we didn’t get to hang out irl that much, our group skype convos & going to cons and stuff like that were so much fun tbh!!

you’re The Guy who introduced me to furry fandom and even now i catch myself jumping to its defense whenever i see people mocking it (especially teen furries) and just, *still* spreading all kinds of gross nonsense abt it in 2017. imho it’s just a community for those who love cartoonish animals and i’d say overall it’s a good bunch of people. like duh of course there’s weird/nasty/harmful people, but that goes for any fandom really. i’d say it’s more good than bad but that’s just my personal experience yk

as far as i know weren’t you plannin on moving in w. dog at some point? i really hope it works out for you guys :’)  

17. Has anything wonderful happened to you?

so far this year i: discovered a super cool record shop really close to my house, broke out of my shell & started talking to people at my college lmao, did better on 3 exams than i thought i would, healed from some bad shit that went down last year .. i’m actually still getting over it all tbh but i’m not hurting as much now!

[knocksteadyy]

For a while I was always that guy that was on the fence when it came to running in to back up your friends. What I mean by this is that if my friend was the one instigating and it was completely his fault then I wouldn’t really want to help. You reap what you sow, right? But if the situation was reversed and someone was coming at my friend on some wild shit then I definitely would be there. 

But lately it’s changed a little bit. I’m no longer on that fence and I am usually backing up my friend even when it is entirely their fault. I don’t really know why though, I think it’s just because I don’t want to see anything happen to them. 

But one thing I always sort of believed in was that if I was in some type of trouble then I wouldn't want my friends getting involved if it meant they would be in harms way. However at the same time, I want them to stand up for me. If someone is squaring up to me then I do want my friends be back me up. Obviously I’ll do that corny shit where you put your arm in front of them and tel them it’s okay I’ll deal with it myself lmao because I mean, come on, you can’t let your friend take all that shit in your place. 

But if my friend doesn’t stand up for me AT ALL, then for me that’s a red light. I know you shouldn't expect much from people, especially when it comes to them putting themselves in harms way but surely if you saw your mate getting into a situation where it’s not going in their favour, you should back them up. Like, why would you just leave them there to go through whatever it is they’re going through without you backing them up? What does that say about you? What’s even worse is when you have those friends that don’t back you up but start talking shit when the situation is over. “Oh that guys a cunt, fuck him”, “He’s just full of shit”, blah blah blah. Where were you before? Why are you so brave now? 

Something like this just happened to me before but what made it worse was that it was a guy threatening me over a game; CSGO. He was threatening to doxx me after him and I got into an argument (which was instigated by him) and none of my friends said anything. There were two of there and they just didn’t say anything. They were being nice to him if anything. And as I said earlier, these were the people that started talking shit when the situation was over. Game ends and everyone goes their separate ways, in the call they’re talking to me about how he is full of shit blah blah. Well if that’s what you believed then why not say it in the first place? Why not back me up when he was threatening me? Why not back me up when he was talking absolute trash? I was so annoyed after that and I don’t think either of them really clocked on to what just happened. At least I now know that if I ever get into a spot of bother then I’m not coming to these guys for back up.

Problem is though I never confronted my friends about this because it would have caused a lot of drama but I hope you guys understand where it is I’m coming from.