#did you guys know that crumb cake is real and you can eat it and i love it

[fictionalfoodpolls]

Crumb Cake from Kids Next Door

[epigstolary]

Real Talk

TW: Medical fatphobia, health issues, fat shaming, toxic masculinity

Dude, you say you want me to help you, but you’re going to have to get serious if you really want to start losing weight. I’m a trainer, not a miracle worker. I mean, look at you; you know your body’s fucking disgusting, right? You let yourself get so huge that even your fat guy clothes can’t hide your belly anymore. Every inch of you is covered in blubber. Everywhere you look. And you have to push all that fat around every time you want to walk or move. It’s so gross watching you try to go anywhere. You’re just waddling around under hundreds of pounds of fat, wheezing like you just ran a marathon. Like… people aren’t supposed to get to the size that you have. And don’t give me that “health at any size” bullshit. You’ve got to have some serious problems to get this big and think it’s ok. Nobody your size is healthy. Your body’s a fucking disgrace, tubbo.

You gotta realize just how bad being this fat is for you, right? Think about it. All that fat’s wrapping around your organs. Either they work harder, or they just quit working. Your joints are getting annihilated having to move all that extra weight around. Your heart’s having to work so much harder just to do its thing because you’re so fucking big. Your body’s not supposed to work like that. It feels like it’s under attack 24/7 — because it is — so you’ve got anxiety, you’ve got inflammation, your hormones are all out of wack. Your body chemistry is basically fucked once you get fat. And fucking forget about it when you weigh as much as three normal people, like your flabby ass does.

Not that you seem to care, since you pay zero attention to your diet. It’s just fucking scary, bro. I’ve seen you pound an entire pizza or a bag of burgers and be ready for more. And that’s just, like, a regular lunch for you. There’s so much saturated fat and sugar in all the shit you eat for every meal, it blows my mind that you’re even able to function. Where do you think that shit goes after you cram it down your throat, meal after meal? It’s blowing up your body even fatter. It’s clogging up those arteries to make that overworked heart work even harder. It’s running through all the insulin your body tries to pump out so that it can deal with the abuse you put it through. I bet if I went through your kitchen right now, I couldn’t find one goddamn vegetable — all sweets, and takeout, and chips, and junk food, am I right? Yeah, you love kicking back on the sofa and working through a big pile of garbage like that, don’t you, fatass? I bet you sit there just belly out, crumbs and shit all over your tits, like a big fucking blob, huh?

Keep eating like that, and you don’t have a fucking chance. You’re just gonna keep blowing up until you finally have the fucking big one. That shit is so, SO bad for you. You want to not be a total embarrassment, fatty? You’re gonna have to throw the snack cakes in the garbage. You’re gonna have to cook stuff that’s not loaded with butter or grease or sugar. You’re gonna have to eat something green that grows in the ground every once in a while. And yeah, you’re probably going to feel like shit for a while because your body’s used to getting fed lard nonstop all the fucking time. But you gotta get a little self-control. The whole reason why you look like a fucking enormous cow, why you’ve got that belly packed full of fat fucking garbage, is that you’ve never had any.

I guess what I can’t figure out is, why the fuck did you do this to yourself? It’s so much harder to make it through life when you’re this fucking heavy. You can’t even go anywhere or do anything because you’re too fat to leave the house. Everyone you meet has to be shocked at what a lardass you are. Nobody who sees your disgustingly obese body is gonna want to fuck you, except the fucking weirdos who get off on that shit. Maybe that’s who you have to settle for, since there’s no way you’re reaching your dick with all that fat in the way. God, I can’t even imagine letting myself get too fat to be able to fuck. That’s so fucking gross, bro.

Like, look at me. Look at this rock-hard bicep next to that big flabby fucking water wing of an arm you have. Look at these abs next to you and that belly hanging down to your knees. It doesn’t even have a fucking shape. Look at these tight glutes next to that wide, wobbling, fat ass you’ve gotten from sitting in front of the tv stuffing your fat face for years. With a body like this, I can fuck anyone I want. How do you think that same hookup’s gonna go for you, huh? Nobody out there’s going home with a pile of jello like you You’re going home, alone, to try and figure out a way to get yourself off.

And dude, I’m not saying all this just to shit on you. I’m worried about you. It sucks to see my bro blow up into a fucking whale and get all mopey ‘cause he can’t get any ass. But you need someone to be real with you. Someone’s gotta tell you how much of a fatass you are, and how much of a fatass you’re gonna be until you get to the gym and shut this fast food and shit down. You can’t blame anyone but yourself for how you got this way. Keep complaining, and you’re going to keep being a gross fatty. You’re gonna have to go out, get some fucking exercise, and deal with being embarrassed at being the fattest guy at the gym until you’ve put in the work to fix it.

Trust me, bro, you’ll thank me later.

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

Another request because I just thought of the funniest thing, if you’re up for it😅prompt 14

14. "Do you want me to kiss it better?" Except in a different concept. Would I be able to get it with Star? And the reader is dating one of the boys so naturally they’re in the cave as well. They end up bringing Star out of her refined shell more by joking around with her. So like a sarcastic sibling, they’re constantly messing with Star but is more gentle than the guys when it comes to it.

I hope you like this!😘

-------------------------

Star hadn't known what to think if you when she was first introduced to you by David. He said you'd be hanging with them now and that - apparently - you were mated to one of them. David, however, did refuse to tell to whom, something that annoyed Star greatly and was probably the cause of her coldness towards you in the beginning.

She kept to herself, hardly even greeting you when you entered the cave. Hardly acknowledging you whenever the boys included you in a conversation, which obviously was all the time.

It wasn't until almost a year had passed that Star began to realise that you'd be staying and that you really weren't that bad. But by the time she realised that, she didn't know how to change her act anymore. She'd been cold towards you for almost twelve months, and suddenly changing that and becoming cosy with you? It felt wrong and off. She did, however, start to acknowledge you a bit more. Nothing much, just a small quiet "hey" whenever you entered the cave, but it was something, right?

"Oh my god!" Star looked up as she heard your voice. "You- you can see me?"

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile shyly. "I just said hi."

"That's more than you've ever spoken to me ever since I met you. What, did you find a dictionary or something?"

If it hadn't been for your teasing tone, Star would have - well, she didn't know what she would have done, but she would not have continued talking to you, that's for certain.

Moments like that happened more and more often. Star still didn't really consider you a friend, but slowly but surely she came to see you as one.

"Are the boys in?" You'd ask one night, entering the cave. Star shook her head, causing you to shrug.

"That's a shame." You held up a bag. "You want some cake? It's fresh."

"You bake?"

"Sometimes. I wanted to share with the boys, but since they're not here, I thought, why not share with you."

Star frowned at that - were the two of you already that close to share homemade food? Still, she took a slice - inspecting it before bringing it to her mouth.

"It's poisoned. Sorry."

"What?!"

"Kidding! Jesus, why would I poison cake? If I were to poison something, I'd go with an apple or something. Something classy, you know?"

"I don't know if poison is that classy," Star mumbled before taking a bite.

"Sure it is, it's mess free. Well, mostly anyway. Why would you be so scared of me messing with your food?"

"Have you eaten with the boys?"

"Yeah?"

"They never tricked you?" Star asked, slight surprise written over her face as she saw you shake your head.

"What, like, forcing me to eat worms?"

"Yeah?"

"No?"

"For real?"

"Is that why you're so -" you motioned towards her, "with the cake? Scared I force you to eat frogspawn? Snailslime?"

"Ew!" Star made a face, dropping her cake in the process. You couldn't help but laugh, pulling her in for a hug.

"Oh no, that poor slice of cake!"

Star laughed, coughing loudly as she inhaled some crumbs. "Poor-" she coughed -" cake?"

"Yeah! It fell so high, all the way to the ground, it's sad!"

"How about me almost dying on your cake?"

"Hey, it's your fault for inhaling it, I told you there's no poison in there," you grinned before asking if she was okay.

"Well, I guess."

"Do you want me to kiss it better?"

Star raised an eyebrow as she looked at you. "What? Why would you kiss me better?"

"Hey, I was asking the cake alright? It fell and broke."

Star laughed, shaking her head slightly as she looked at you. Damn, she regretted being so cold the year before. You were different than she'd expected, and you were definitely someone she wanted to keep around. So when you offered her another slice, dramatically saying farewell to the fallen one - by feeding it to Marko's pigeons - she readily took one.

[pascalpanic]

Caffeine Rush: Chapter Three / Cappucino

Summary: Javier shows up to your coffee shop again, at an ungodly hour.

W/C: 3K

Warnings: food/eating, coffee, implied age gap (reader is about 25)

A/N: I don’t have anything to say I just hope you guys enjoy :)) OH JK YES I DO: I’ve decided that Caffeine Rush will come out on mondays or tuesdays, alternating every week!

previous chapter || next chapter || masterlist

Cappuccino: two-thirds frothed milk, one-third espresso. Light and airy, full of fluff. Has a stronger coffee flavor than a latte.

As you drive him back to the hotel, you smile over at him. He looks so gorgeous, his dark hair dampened from the snow, his lips soft and extra pink from being pressed to yours. “How long did you say you’re in town for?” You ask him.

“A month,” the man tells you with a nod. “There’s a whole policy with vacation time. Use it or lose it, basically. They told me I had to use it now, so I told them to give me a month. I really have about… three months saved up now,” he chuckles.

The thought makes you grin. Javier will be here for Christmas. He’ll be here for New Year’s- that is, if he’s staying.  “And what are your plans for it?” You ask softly. You hope whatever they are, they won’t take him away from you.

Javier is eating the second red velvet cake in the passenger’s seat, and you giggle at the sight before turning back to the road. Crumbs gather on the top of his shirt and in his mustache, flecks of red in the warm brown.

He smiles at your laughter. “I have none. I have no work to do. I can’t go back to Colombia early- well, I could, but I won’t be working so it wouldn’t be worth much,” he sighs, thinking aloud. “I could go home and visit my father, but I couldn’t stay there for very long. My hometown is a place you only want to stay for two or three days, at most.”

Your eyes watch his face, that surprisingly soft skin and how it moves with his expressions. Your eyes are holding a question, even if you don’t ask it aloud. Javier can read it without your words as he turns to look at you. “I’ve heard D.C. is nice over the holidays,” you offer softly. It’s less of an offer and more of a silent question: please stay. I want you to stay.

Turning back to you, there’s cream cheese frosting in his mustache and an adorable smirk on his face. Just when you thought it was impossible for this man to be any more beautiful. “I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. Then, like I said earlier, I have time to properly romance you.”

You grin and stare at the road. “I don’t normally kiss on the first date. I don’t think it’ll be hard for you to romance me,” you tease. “I can be your personal tour guide to the city. I only work mornings, so we can do whatever we want all day and night. Which is good, because the Smithsonians are only open during the day, and I want to take you to all of them.”

You ramble when you’re excited. Javier can already tell, can see you slowly leaving that shell you’ve hidden yourself in through all of your time in D.C. Your eyes glimmer in excitement as you consider the things you can do, the places you can take him.

Javier smiles back. “You’ll have to show me everything. I’ve never been here for anything other than work.”

“Oh, trust me,” you laugh. “I know all the best parts of the city. You’ll never be bored with me around.”

Javier’s immediately certain that’s true.

-

You told Javier last night that you work from 5:00  to 10:30, and he told you he’d swing by for a coffee. What else did he have to do without you?

What you didn’t expect was for the door chime to jingle at precisely 5:34, and for the customer that enters to be none other than the newest head of the DEA’s investigations into the Cali Cartel.

Rushing around the counter, you laugh and throw your arms around him. “Hi, Javi,” you chuckle and bury your face into his neck. He wears a warm red flannel and dark blue jeans, boots beneath them and a thick black coat over it all. He smells like soap and aftershave.

“I’m starting to like the fact that you’re a hugger,” he laughs as he hugs you back, resting his head on top of yours.

You break away and brush off your apron. “When I said you should come visit me, I meant, like, at normal human functioning hours. Like, maybe 9 or something.”

Javier frowns a little as he looks at you. “This is when I normally get up. Later than normal, actually,” he shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. “You got a dark roast this morning?” He asks as he nods his head to the side, gesturing to the big vats of brewing coffee.

You smile at the question, chuckling a little. Of course he’s observant and remembers little details- it’s his literal job. “We do. Large redeye?” You ask, already heading behind the counter and back to the ceramic mugs.

The man tilts his head. “Actually… I think I changed my mind. Can I do another peppermint mocha?” he asks, a shy look on his face.

Looking up at him, you bite your lip at his expression. He’s so goddamn cute, really, even when he’s being ashamed for something stupid. “You don’t have to be shy about it,” you tease and nod. “There’s nothing less manly about you for ordering something sweet. In fact, most of the sweet drinks we make here are ordered by the business guys or Congressmen.”

Javier chuckles and leans forward on the counter on his elbows. “Oh, yeah?”

You nod and laugh at the memory of other customers. “Matthew, he works at the senators’ offices downtown, he’s a regular. He orders a caramel frappe with marshmallow and vanilla. Full shots of both.” As always, you happily chat as you make the recipe you know by heart.

Javier’s brow furrows. You’ve known the man maybe 24 hours, but you’re starting to get a good read on him. You can tell when he’s confused or worried or happy or stressed by the way his eyebrows position themselves. This one is a lighthearted confusion. “What’s a frappe?”

Your eyes glimmer with uncharacteristic excitement for so early in the morning. “Wait. So you’re telling me you’ve never had one?”

He shakes his head, pulling his leather jacket tighter around him. The shop is cold this early in the morning, before the body heat of customers and the steaming espresso machines warm the building. “No. What is it?” He asks again.

“It’s delicious, oh my god,” you grin. “It’s kind of like a coffee milkshake. It’s frozen and creamy, blended with ice and coffee. It’s my favorite in the summer, when hot drinks just feel too much.”

“So it’s light?” He asks, gratefully accepting his ceramic mug when you hand it over. It’s peaked with foamy white cream and pieces of candy canes. Javier thinks it reminds him of you. Soft, warm, sweet and indulgent. Energizing. Not like anything he’s ever had before, but he’s already addicted.

“Not really. Like I said, it’s really creamy. It’s like a milkshake, really. That’s the best way to describe it. Do you want me to make one and you can try some?” You offer as you stir the spare espresso shot with a little cream and sugar in a to-go cup for yourself. The warm sugary scent rises and you smile to yourself.

Javier shakes his head. “Not if it’s a cold drink. It’s too cold outside anyway. And in here. You do have heating in here, right?” He asks dryly as he sips the hot drink. You can see his broad shoulders soften, the tension rising into the air with the steam from his mocha.

You roll your eyes but shrug. “It’ll get hot in here later. I just appreciate that it’s cold now,” you chuckle and chug the espresso shot, tossing the paper cup into the garbage. “What can I get you for breakfast?” You ask as you nod to the pastry case further down the bar.

He shakes his head. “Don’t eat breakfast.”

You frown. “That’s going to have to change. You seem like the type who doesn’t take care of yourself, thinks he’s too good for it,” you tease and fold your arms on the countertop, leaning into it.

Javier scoffs. “I am not too good for breakfast,” he says, amused.

“Then eat.”

The mustached man rolls his eyes. “Fine. Maybe I don’t take very good care of myself, but I don’t need you to take care of me.”

That makes you frown. “Well, that’s too bad, because if you want to kiss me like we did last night, you’re going to have to let me take care of you, Javi.”

Javi. No one ever calls him that. He’s always Agent or Agente Peña, usually just Peña for the sake of convenience. Those who know him better call him Javier, people like Steve or Trujillo. True, he asked you to call him Javi, but the name is like a song from your lips, as soft as calling him baby. He absolutely fucking loves it. Can’t get enough of it.

You begin to babble on about the baker here and his skills, talking about the various treats beneath the glass case. There are muffins and scones, donuts and sweet breads, croissants and various puff-pastry delicacies. Javier is overwhelmed. He normally doesn’t eat many sweets, even though he loves them.

A cinnamon-sugar sprinkled pastry twist calls to him. He asks for one of those and insists that he pay for it, even as you wander away from the cash register to prove he can’t pay.

Javier stands at the bar as you make yourself your own hot drink, chatting as you stir the syrup with the espresso. God, you love that mustache, you think as you smile to yourself and look down. “So. How did the mustache come to be?” You ask him, smiling and tilting your head to the side in question.

Javier raises an eyebrow. “This?” He laughs, smoothing it down with his forefinger and thumb. It brushes out some sprinkles of cinnamon and sugar from his pastry and you bite your lip to hold back a laugh.

You both have to talk a bit louder as you begin steaming the milk for your cappuccino, but it hides your giggle as you say your next words: “Yes, the porn stache.”

“Hey,” he frowns and sips his drink, setting it back down and smiling again. “It was a thing with my father. When I turned 30, he told me I was a real man now, and real men wear mustaches. He always had one, so I said okay. He shaved it for me and taught me the right way to do it and everything. I liked the way it looked, and it stuck, I guess,” he shrugs and chuckles.

“Really? Because that thing looks straight out of 1975, but I don’t think you’re old enough for it to be that old.” You giggle. The mustache is very retro, certainly behind the times and the fashion of ‘93. “You can’t possibly be… what would that make you from ‘75… 45?”

Javier shrugs. “Well, you’re not far off. I’m 40.”

Your brow furrows. You certainly hadn’t expected that. He looks so young, really. 40 wasn’t even a thought in your mind- maybe a stressed-out 30. “Really?” You ask, though you doubt he’d lie and make himself seem older. He should probably know that you’re around the proper age you are, seeing as you’ve told him about just finishing grad school.

He frowns too. “Is that a problem?” He asks hurriedly, standing up straight from his hunched position, where he leaned over the counter to be closer to you.

“No, no,” you shake your head, and his body relaxes. “Of course not,” you smile and put your hand over his. “You just look really young for 40.”

Javier shakes his head, smiling a little at the compliment. He doesn’t get many of those, the ones where people tell him he looks young or he’s cute or any non-sexual compliments in general. “No I don’t. You’re just being cute.”

“No!” You laugh happily. “You saw my face. You’re a special agent of the D-E-A,” you say, drawing out the letters. “Head of the Calí Cartel investigations. You can read me like a damn book, Javi,” you smile at him. “Tell me, do I look like I’m lying?”

Javier shakes his head, the smile growing wider and his cheeks turning a slightly warmer shade. These kind of honest, pure and uncomplicated compliments make him almost embarrassed. “Yeah, yeah,” he sighs, brushing it off.

You’re absolutely beaming by now. “You’re not used to this, are you?” You tease as you scoop the foam from the milk pitcher into your ceramic mug, with chocolate and almond syrup in the bottom already. Mandy’s in the back stocking something, and no one else is in the shop yet. With this privacy, you lean across the counter, and Javier matches your position.

His face is painfully close to yours. You can feel his coffee breath, and you giggle softly. “Hey. Javi.”

“Yeah?” He asks teasingly.

“I like you a lot.”

Javier laughs genuinely, kissing you softly for a moment before breaking away and standing up straight again. “I like you too, abejita,” he says and finishes off his peppermint mocha.

“What does that mean?” You ask him. You’re nearly fluent in Spanish, from having studied it for years, but the word is unfamiliar.

“Little bee,” he chuckles. “You’re fluttering around this coffee shop like you’re on an adrenaline rush and it’s 5:30 in the goddamn morning.”

Little bee. It makes your heart race in your chest like a bee’s wings, a million beats per second. Goddamnit, this Javier knows what he’s doing, you think to yourself. He must be doing this for the sole purpose of stealing your heart; why else would he be this fucking sweet and sexy and flirtatious?

“It’s the caffeine rush,” you shake your head and wave a hand dismissively. You’ve already chugged a few shots of espresso, and your chocolate-almond cappuccino is about halfway gone now. Either way, Javier makes your resting heart rate double just from looking your way.

“Sure,” he teases and raises an eyebrow. “I’m gonna hit the bathroom. Be right back.” He sticks his hands in the pockets of his heavy wool coat as he heads to the restrooms, near the front of the store.

You take his mug back and Mandy wanders out from the back. “Wow. Who’s got you so chatty?” She asks out of genuine curiosity. She didn’t see Javier come in or go to the bathroom.

You’d talked with Mandy while you prepared the store, filling her in on all of the details of last night’s date with Javier. “It’s, uh, Javi, actually,” you laugh softly as you pull more espresso shots to make him another peppermint mocha.

“You’re kidding,” the woman squeals, her curls flipping over her shoulder as she tosses them back. “Why is he here so early?” She asks in confusion, making herself a drink on the machine next to you.

Your foot taps out a quick rhythm against the tile floor beneath you, the energy already flowing through your body. “Beats me. He says he wakes up this early normally. I don’t know if I believe it, but…” you shrug and stir the shots into the peppermint syrup, scooping chocolate chips into a steaming pitcher with milk and putting it under the steaming wand.

“He’s in the DEA, isn’t he?” She asks. “Maybe they start work really early in the morning. I’ve heard they work really long hours.”

“Well, he did say he works a lot,” you nod. “I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. He’s here now and he’ll get to see me cry my way through the morning rush,” you say sarcastically.

Mandy nudges your shoulder. “Says the most competent barista who works here,” she scoffs. “You have everyone out the door in under three minutes. That’s no easy feat.”

“Okay,” you roll your eyes and pour the chocolate milk into the syrup and espresso, stirring it with a long, twisted spoon. “I doubt that, but thank you.” You swirl a perfect peak of whipped cream on the top, then sprinkle the candy cane pieces on.

“I think she’s right,” you hear Javier’s voice from the other side of the counter.

“Stalker,” you tease and put his mug in front of him.

“Am not. Just think you’re good at what you do.”

“I made you a refill,” you say, ignoring his compliment. “Oh, Javier, this is Mandy. You might remember her from yesterday. Mandy, this is Javier.”

She nods and shakes the hand that Javier offers. “Nice to meet you- well, again,” she says with a bright smile. “You got the prettiest girl here.”

“Mandy,” you roll your eyes. She just laughs as she makes her way to the back of the store again.

Javier watches her then turns back to you with a smile. “I think she was right on both of those,” he comments with a smile on his face.

“Go sit down, stop flirting with me, and drink your damn coffee, Javi,” you teasingly scold him with a smile, turning away to go wash the steaming pitcher and spoon you used to make his drink.

Another customer walks in the shop. You can tell from the jingle of the bells on the door. With that, Javier finds a table in the lobby and sits at it, reading the daily newspaper and sipping his peppermint mocha. He’s starting to see why you’re so addicted to these. To him, they taste like you. -

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[sisterspooky1013]

Better Than Sex

Author: SisterSpooky1013

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 1666

Tagging: @today-in-fic

Read it on AO3

“Better Than Sex Cake” Mulder read aloud from the menu before looking across the table at Scully with his eyebrows raised in question.

They had just concluded an evening traipsing through an (alleged) actual ghost town, though no signs of ghosts were to be seen. Just a lot of graffiti, dirty mattresses and a used condom or two. Now they were sitting at the first diner they came across, Mo’s Café, and Mulder was considering the sex cake.

“Knock yourself out, Mulder, I’m sticking to coffee.”

“You aren’t curious as to whether this cake is, in fact, better than sex?”

“Well I’m sure it’s better than bad sex, but if it were better than great sex the population would die out because everyone would skip procreating and just eat cake.”

Mulder considered her statement. “Isn’t ‘bad sex’ somewhat of an oxymoron?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Are you being serious?”

Now it was his turn to look incredulous. “The only bad sex is no sex, as far as I’m concerned.”

Scully shook her head ruefully. “Must be nice to be a man.”

Just then the waitress came by to take their order. Scully requested coffee and dry toast, while Mulder opted for coffee and the aforementioned sex cake. After she collected their menus and retreated to the kitchen, Mulder eyed Scully appraisingly, gaging her mood. Sometimes she was open and willing to talk about things of a personal or private nature, other times she kept her lips as tight as a steel trap. He suspected he might have a chatty Scully on his hands, and didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, Scully, there would be a circumstance under which you would choose a piece of cake over sex?”

She screwed up her mouth a little, not in consideration of how to answer the question, but whether to answer it at all. “Depends who the sex is with, I suppose, but yes, I could think of a few times where cake would have been a more enjoyable option.”

“Hm” was his only reply as he sat back against the seat of the booth, absorbing this information.

“Are you saying you’ve never had sex that was subpar enough that cake would have been better?”

He pulled in a deep breath and looked to the ceiling briefly, and she could imagine him running through his mental file of sexual encounters. “I don’t think so, no.”

“Is it wrong that I feel compelled to kick you right now?” She asked, just a hint of playfulness in her voice.

He laughed.“I’m not saying that every single time was Oscar-worthy, but even the worst was still better than some flour and butter.”

“And they say male privilege isn’t real” she deadpanned as the waitress came by to present them with two coffees, cake, toast and a tray of sugar and cream. She mixed the accoutrements into her cup while Mulder sipped his black, followed by a bite of the cake, which looked like a basic white cake with some kind of custard and whipped cream on top.

“This is pretty good, though I can’t say it lives up to its name” he said around the food in his mouth, pushing the plate towards her and holding out the fork suggestively. She took it and stabbed a small bite, meeting Mulder’s eye as she pulled the tines from between her lips. It was good, as most cake is, but nothing to write home about.

“Well?” He asked expectantly.

“Well what? She returned, wiping her finger at the corners of her mouth.

“Is it better than sex?”

She paused before answering, knowing that Mulder was going to keep picking at this until it got uncomfortable. He liked to do that, to see how far he could get her to go before she blushed and demanded they change the subject. He took immense pleasure in making her squirm, and even more in getting her to reveal something personal that he normally wouldn’t be privy to. Sometimes, she had as much fun indulging him as he did in goading her. She wasn’t above sharing something that she knew would shock him, just so she could see the look on his face. She liked that she could still surprise him.

“Not better than all sex, but certainly better than some of the sex I’ve had, regrettably.”

“What would make sex so bad that cake is better? I must know.”

“I think you can use your imagination, Mulder.”

“Come on, Scully, you could be saving some poor woman from ‘worse than cake’ sex with me in the future. Consider it an act of charity.”

She shook her head at him, but couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at her lips.

“Your answer lies in that drawer full of tapes that aren’t yours, Mulder.”

“How’s that?”

“Let’s see, sex starts when the man presents his erection and ends when he ejaculates. The woman howls like an animal no matter what he’s doing, though her orgasm is never mentioned. There is no foreplay. Would you like me to continue?”

He swallowed a mouthful of coffee he’d been holding, afraid he might choke. He’d never heard her speak so openly about sex before, especially not sex she had personally experienced, and though he’d been the one who initiated the conversation he was suddenly afraid he was going to have to walk out of this diner trying to hide a bulge in his slacks.

“Fair enough, Scully, but porn isn’t real. It’s like an action movie. No one actually hangs off the skids of a helicopter mid-air, it’s just fun to watch.”

“I’m glad to hear that you’re aware of that, Mulder, and I would implore you to spread the news to the rest of the male populace.” She punctuated her statement with a loud crunch into her toast.

Mulder’s mouth fell open slightly as he studied her, trying to tell if she was joking or embellishing.

“People really do that? Have sex like they do in porn? Men you’ve slept with?”

She rolled her eyes. “Mulder, if you’re going to sit here and tell me that you have never done that, even as a young man, I’ll have to call BS.”

He put his hands up in defense. “I’m not saying I emerged from puberty as Don Juan, but I don’t recall ever not being invested in my partner’s experience. I’m sure my skills were lacking at the outset, but I always tried.”

She looked at him derisively from under her eyelashes. “Well then, you really should get out there more, Mulder. Share your gift with the world.” Her voice was laden with sarcasm.

He laughed and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “How am I coming out to be the bad guy, here Scully? I’m not the one who gave you a ‘worse than cake’ lay.”

She smiled at him but her tone remained facetious “of course not, you’ve demonstrated that your skills in this area are unparalleled.”

“Damn straight!” He said with a slap of his palm on the table, and they both erupted into laughter.

They held eye contact as the laughter subsided, awkwardness descending over the conversation. He had made reference to the two of them having sex, which was a topic he’d only made innuendo about, never mentioned directly. Trying to break the tension, Scully finally spoke.

“Well, I guess you can see why I don’t bother dating.”

“I guess I can” he replied, swiping the last crumbs of cake off the plate with his finger.

“Why don’t you date, Mulder?” His expression registered surprise. “Or do you? I don’t want to be presumptuous.” She felt a pit in her belly at the idea that he may actually have a secret love life.

“No” he spat out, chuckling a little. “No, I definitely don’t date. It’s just too complicated I guess. I’m kind of a serial monogamist anyway.”

“Really?” Now it was her turn to be surprised.

“Yeah, for the most part. I’ve had a couple flings, but the vast majority of the women I’ve slept with I was in a relationship with. The emotional aspect is important for me.”

She studied him, imagining a version of Mulder who would be so considerate and giving. She didn’t need to imagine it, really, she’d seen it. While he was capable of being selfish and obtuse, he had also been incredibly tender and caring with her on many occasions. He had certainly shown a proclivity towards chivalry; opening doors for her, walking closer to traffic on the sidewalk, helping her into her coat or holding an umbrella for her. The idea that such gestures would extend into the bedroom was logical, but it still set off a stirring in her belly. In what other ways might he be so attentive to her needs? She swallowed the last of her coffee and tried not to think about it. Maybe later, but not here. Not now.

“Well, I hate to state the obvious here, Scully, but I don’t think you’re going to happen across the guy that will give you a 5-star experience if you never put yourself out there.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to kick himself; why the fuck was he encouraging her sleeping with other people?

She smiled demurely and shrugged “for now I get my thrills from ghost busting and the occasional slice of really good cake.”

He bobbed his head and smiled back, pulling out his wallet and setting his bureau credit card on the tabletop.

In truth, she had already happened across that guy. He was sitting in front of her at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere. And while she hoped that she may enjoy that 5 star experience in the future, for now just being in his presence, laughing and seeking the answers to the mysteries of the universe together, that was better than sex.

[diavolosthots]

DARK DECEPTION CHAPTER 15

READ CHAPTER 14 HERE

Warnings: choking, threats

Pairing(s): no pairs, Diavolo, Barbatos, Beelzebub, Lucifer

“Where is she?!” To say he was angry is an understatement. Two hours. He was gone for two hours and you were left in Barbatos’ care with all the doors locked. He didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to jump off the balcony, either, but apparently he was wrong, considering the doors to the balcony were open and you were gone. You couldn’t have done it alone, though, but Barbatos swore that, although Beelzebub was there, he was with him the whole time. Hell, even if Beelzebub wasn’t, he doesn’t know his way around the castle like that. It just doesn’t make sense to him. You shouldn’t have survived the fall but there was no blood anywhere so someone must have taken you. Maybe one of the guards betrayed him? Possible. Right now, Diavolo is just seething with anger though and every time he thinks someone might know something, he’s met with empty answers and another dead body lying in front of him. If Michael hadn’t distracted him… “Angels?” No… no he would sense if an angel was in the Devildom. They stand out and Michael was the only one with him. 

“Damnit!” “You know, anger won’t help you think.” Beel. God, he’s such a buffoon, still eating his crab cakes as if his Queen didn’t just get kidnapped. “No offense, but you’re not helping my case, Beelzebub. Tell me again what you were doing here.” This is probably the sixteenth time Beel had to tell his story, forced to follow Barbatos and Diavolo around the Devildom in search for you, but at least he had his crab cakes. “I told you. I couldn’t stop thinking about those crab cakes from the wedding… I took all of them home the day of the wedding but I ate them all and Lucifer told me not to bother you for more.” Honestly, none of that is actually a lie. Those crab cakes were heavenly and he did inhale pretty much all of them in a matter of seconds. “I just figured since it’s been a while since then, Barbatos may have time.” And he did. Barbatos had way too much time but that was on Diavolo. He knows he can’t blame the Butler. All he told him was to keep anyone away from you and to bring food at the required meal times. That’s it. Diavolo didn’t like Barbatos to be with you for too long because although the demon never betrayed him, he just doesn’t want you to smell like anyone other than him. 

A deep growl escaped Diavolo, his wings twitching behind him. It was a natural instinct to switch into his demon form the minute he was notified of your disappearance and sadly, a lot of people had to suffer because of it. “Can I go home now?” “No!” Why was he taking Beel along again? The guy was of no use. He seemed innocent and he was with Barbatos the whole time, too, “unless…. Tell me where your brothers were, Beel.” Beel stiffened slightly but kept a poker face; no way was he going to rat them out. “Probably at the house? Asmo might have gone to the spa.” Seems believable, right? “Are you sure?” Beel nodded. Of course he knew better, but not even he knew where Lucifer took you. The guy didn’t say anything, but if he had to guess, maybe back to earth? “I doubt Belphie ever left his room and you know that just as well as I do.” Diavolo knew, yes. If Belphegor ever willingly moved, everyone needed to find shelter because something is wrong. “Okay. So you were with my servant, Asmo may have been at the spa, and Belphegor was sleeping. What about the other four?” 

“I’m assuming Levi was in his room, he’s just like Belphie after all.” Makes sense. Diavolo nodded, crossing his arms and motioning toward Beel to go on. “Mammon…. I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since yesterday, if I’m being honest.” So Mammon is a suspect. The thought of that demon gambling you off or something may seem ridiculous but it makes Diavolo angry and he’s digging his fingers into his skin, “next. Satan?” Beelzebub shrugged. Has he ever really known anything about Satan? “We don’t hang out a lot…. But he does make some mean ice coffee! He always puts extra whipped cream on mine and sometimes he drizzles me a heart with some choco---” “Beelzebub.” embarrassment rushed through the glutton when Barbatos called him out on his rambling and Diavolo was glaring daggers at him, putting Satan on the suspect list too. “And Lucifer.” Beel looked up, right at Diavolo, although his face was just as stern as the King’s. “I’m guessing he was in his office.” “guessing?” Beel nods, starting to glare because if it wasn’t for Diavolo, none of this would be happening in the first place, “I don’t know if you noticed but you took something from him.” 

A laugh escaped the Demon Lord, but it wasn’t a laugh felt in the heart, no. It was just… insensitive. Emotionless. It was merely a sound. “He got over it.” Beel narrowed his eyes because he knew better than that, “He has been holed up, drowning himself in paperwork more than usual.” Because of you, is what Beel meant to add. Lucifer meant a lot to the guy. Lucifer helped Beel a lot and he always believed in him; he always found a way to cheer for Beel. The least Beelzebub can do is acknowledge his brother’s feelings. “He literally never leaves his office anymore, and if he does, it’s to eat a few crumbs of food. I have to finish his plate for him.” “I’m sure that’s not a real issue to you, Beelzebub.” Never. Never has Beel wanted to commit violence like he does right now. Diavolo calls Lucifer his best friend and yet he backstabbed him. He lied to him. And now he’s making fun of the guy. What a great friend he is. 

But Beel knew better than to talk back. He won’t say anymore in fear of spilling something. “So Mammon and Satan are suspects, Barbatos. Remember that.” What? Beel’s eyes grew wide momentarily and he stepped up, almost getting in Diavolo’s face until Barbatos stopped him, “what? You don’t think they’d have anything to do with this?!” Diavolo looked at him, almost unimpressed, and brushed Barbatos’ hand away from between them, stepping up too until he almost bumped his horns against Beel’s head, “no one is not a suspect, Beelzebub. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and admit that Satan was more likely it than Mammon. The latter doesn’t really have the brains to plan this out, has he?” A growl escaped Beel. Although Mammon could be stupid, and all of his brothers knew that, Beel didn’t like that Diavolo talked to him like that. His fists clenched, as did his teeth, but he’s trying to hold back. “Mammon might not be as smart as Satan, but he isn’t completely dumb, either.” “So you think he could have done it? Interesting. Didn’t think you’d rat your own brother.” What? Beel blinked in confusion, leaning back a bit. “Maybe they worked together….” Diavolo went on and that’s when Beel started to realize that the guy is stalling; he’s playing a game. 

“It’s not just a coincidence that you were there during that time, Beelzebub, is it?” More confusion rushed through him and he gave Diavolo exactly that face. “What do you mean?” “Fine. I’ll play your game. You were a distraction, weren’t you?” A cold shiver ran down his spine but he kept his face of confusion as best as he could. How could Diavolo possibly know? No. He couldn’t. “You see, I thought it was odd that Michael wanted to talk to me. Granted, I needed to talk to the guy anyway and I rather not have the celestial realm on my back all the time about keeping a human. It was a conversation long overdue and desperately needed. It seemed normal enough, although I deemed his timing off. But then…. Then I come home and find my wife gone, which I’m sure you know is not just treason against myself, but also kidnapping and potential murder of the Queen, depending on what happened, and maybe an heir.” Heir? No. No way you’re pregnant. Just the thought is disgusting to him and he hopes it’s not true. “It’s too soon to tell, so maybe that charge will be off the criminal’s back.” Thank father; Beel let out a sigh of relief. Maybe stress caused you to never fall pregnant, let's hope. 

“Then, you happen to be oh so conveniently there at a time that I’m not, and you’re thinking that I believe this is all a coincidence? Beelzebub, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I know everything.” Barbatos. Beel’s eyes glanced at the butler before glancing back at Diavolo, who’s smirking now. “That’s right. Truthfully, I am hurt that my dearest friend would betray me like that, but I suppose it is payback. I don’t think he would hurt her, either. After all, he does hold a soft spot for her. However, there’s still one problem.” His smirk dropped and he grabbed Beelzebub by the throat, anger radiating through him again as he spoke through clenched teeth, “Barbatos can’t see where she is. He can’t see Lucifer either, which means he protected himself. You, Beelzebub, are going to tell me exactly where they are and in return, I’ll drop all charges against you and force you to only watch one of your beloved brothers die. If you don’t, I won’t hesitate to snap your neck, but not before I rip your brothers to shreds, starting with your favorite, Belphegor.” “Drop him, Diavolo. He doesn’t know anything.” Lucifer. Beel’s eyes landed behind Diavolo to watch the guy. Black. Gold. So that’s where he went. The smirk returned to Diavolo’s lips as he dropped Beelzebub back down, turning to face his dearest friend. 

“Welcome home, friend.” 

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 15 Pt 2: Don’t Trust Anyone Who Wears a Floor Length Robe Over Their Casuals in Yugioh

Hey, it’s my birthday, so I’m gonna release this early because the rest of today I just have to work like an adult and that’s no fun.

In the first half of this episode we dunked the worlds smallest plane into a lake and so this second half of the episode involved the kids running as far away from their only responsible adults as they could.

Which like...took whole of less than a second for them to peace out and enter mortal danger.

...I’ve never been in a jungle in India but...I have seen the Jungle book many times...and there’s like tigers and stuff in there, right? and tons of monkeys that are hella mean? And freakin snakes? They sing jazz and scat? That’s some terrifying stuff.

Like these city kids have to learn at some point to fear the woods. But they just freakin don’t. And strangely, the most dangerous thing in these woods isn’t even a snake or something, but a human man just being as suspicious as possible lying prone on the ground.

(read more under the cut)

The card cultist happens to have a British accent, because this voice acting team freakin loves to pull out their British accents. It’s not as lowbrow as Valon, but it’s not as...well whatever Bakura is supposed to be. He’s a lot more tame than Bakura’s, but still very British.

I don’t know if this is because British English tends to be taught instead of American sounding English in many parts of India, but, most likely they just wanted to do an accent. And like...he’s an archeologist...and so the stereotype is there...but honestly, the decision of making this guy British gets weirder and weirder as this episode goes on, get ready for it. None of you are ready for what I assume is the very obvious plot twist of this freakin guy.

Catfish of the century, this freakin guy, I’m pretty sure.

Yugi immediately believes this completely out of place white British stranger in the Indian backwoods next to this inaccessible lake and immediately thinks “yes, my Grandfather crash landed in India EXACTLY where I’m standing right now, and now I must save him.”

Thankfully, Yami exists to gently and politely tell Yugi to hella stop.

Also, I like that Yugi has finally stopped wearing his school outfit out of school. But, he is instead wearing a jacket that is so close to his school outfit I honestly couldn’t tell until the end of this episode. It’s like...I think one shade more purple, it has white piping, and his undershirt has a center seam. It’s nice Yugi has 3 versions of the same black sleeveless undershirt, and this show cares enough to show that tiny factoid about Yugi’s closet.

So, because Yugi is a dumbass and Pharaoh has to just sit back and watch this happen so he can say “told you so” later, they follow this random cultist they found in the woods. Much like Hansel and Gretel, we snack on cake crumbs all the way to the witches house, which in this case, is an undiscovered monolith you would have easily seen from outer space.

HMMMMMMMMMM.

And so get ready for this:

Hey guys.

Remember how Alexander the great was buried in a pyramid?

Now because they’re name dropping Alexander, that’s actually kind of helpful, because Alexander the Great’s favorite damn horse in the entire world died while he was at war with India so he named a city after it. It’s believed to be in Punjab, which is in the Northern part of India

Which means we first of all, definitely crossed the tallest mountain range in the world to get here, and also means that we are like...in some really disputed territory of India right now, and it is crazy that these kids went here for a vacation completely unsupervised.

Another fun fact about Alexander is that when he died, it took 6 days for his body to decompose. At the time, they thought it was because he was a God (or in Yugioh’s case, Extremely Cursed) but nowadays historians think it’s because it took him 6 days to fully die. He just wasn’t dead yet. Had to give it a minute and the ancient Babylonians just got way too excited.

Anyway, Alexander super died in Babylon so I don’t know what the hell he’s doing in India. There is a fun spot in History where his body did get dragged to a couple different places, meaning we probably did lose the original Alexander and there’s a lot of people just guessing at where he ended up...but putting him clear up in India sure was a choice when one of his assumed burial sites was literally Egypt, which would be a more fitting location for a Pyramid and a more fitting location for this show.

Especially since Alexander was trying to invent a new race and culture...it seems a little strange he’d be buried in such a massive pyramid, but maybe he got a really, really good pyramid deal from the funeral home when he was like 28 and just figured he’d change it before the time he died at 32.

Which...now that I’m older than 32, how crazy is it that Alexander the Great died at freakin 32? You blink twice and you’re 32. Is history seriously trying to tell me this guy wasn’t like secretly 62? That maybe he just celebrated his 20th for like 20 years in a row as a royal mandate? I just feel like history is playing pranks on me with Alexander.

Anyway, our weird shady new archeologist guy is named Alex and so take that as you will.

I sure hope Alexander the Great was revived to wear khakis and bother children. Guy conquered the world once and was one of history’s Freakin Worst so he does deserve it, but also...it would explain why he thinks it’s normal to wear a Darth Maul robe over your business casual.

Anyway, lets enter the obvious trap pyramid.

Joey just wanted a nice time running around Northern India. He just wanted to eat some yummy chaat and look at some tourist destinations and maybe glance at a Bollywood star or two. But instead he’s gotta deal with spike floors because Yugi couldn’t say no to a cultist.

Also...one of those spikes clearly went through Tea’s feet, right? And she is absolutely fine? Just checking on Tea’s godlike strength and clearly it is still godlike.

Alex gives us a very long explanation of how he went upstairs and Grandpa went downstairs, and there was a door or something so Alex turned back around and Grandpa was gone.

All of those steps were probably plot relevant and I’ll probably forget all about it in 2 episodes.

The thing is Alex...literally thinks he evaporated. Literally thinks that. But how do you disprove it to this freakin guy who like...might have named a city after his horse once and thinks that’s a normal and acceptable thing to do?

and so Joey immediately leaps onto the haunted playing floor.

the way Yugi said this line was sort of hilarious to me so I may cap it. If I remember to do it (I’ve been a little busier lately, with things opening up, as you can tell because my update schedule is in the toilet.)

So, if Joey jumps in...everyone else has to, also.

And we say good bye to Alex and enter the new forest zone, which looks a LOT like the other forest we were just in.

Nice Protoss armor.

We get some hijinks from the local wildlife, which are all cards but real (but not real because we’re in a board game...don’t think about it) and the off brand Sheikah tablets have helpful monsters in them if you touch em.

This season may have been better off as a video game, being honest.

Joey has gone somewhere else, despite going onto the same game tile, and he’s too busy on a mountain range to really help anyone out. So he’s just gonna vibe up here for a bit.

Tea got up after this point and said along the lines of “k, what’s next?” Because mortal danger does not affect her and she fears nothing.

At a beach somewhere, Tea and Tristan spend some quality time together forming a new family with whatever these creatures are.

And Tea’s love of her winged angel comes full circle and now I will suffer this winged orb for the rest of this arc, pretty sure.

Please admire the number of belts on Tea. Her outfit is like max 00′s and I appreciate that. We’ve had a lot of questionable fashion on Yugioh, but they actually dressed Tea pretty on point this arc. Like I often feel like 00′s fashion is hard to define or describe, but it’s Tea right now. That’s it. She did it, it’s right there.

Yugi gets a new flagship card for this arc, and this time it’s Celtic Guardian. Hell why? I feel like his defining card changes every single arc, and they need to like focus and just give him one. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s still Dark Magician...and maybe the show forgot?

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to read the rest:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

I think I forgot that link in the last recap because yo it’s kind of been a while since I’ve updated, I feel. (well I had a graveyard post and those don’t count really) But, we’re back, we’re still going, slowly but surely.

[blxetsi]

modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

¤~°Ghost Marriage: Lovely Bride To Be?!°~¤ Finale!

Previously...

Before the door closed, (Y/N) asks them something. "Can I please have something to eat? I haven't ate in a few hours."

Present Time.

It was now close to night after all the arguing of students had disbursed. Finally all agreed with Crowley and his raffle idea on who the grooms should be.

Once all of the participants names were in the Headmasters hat. He shakes his hat around a few times and stops. Carefully pulling out a name a few names. Crowley coughs and clears his throat. The crow announced the lucky four grooms for operation "Lovely Bride To Never Be".

"Rook Hunt, Epel Felmier, Riddle Rosehearts and Ace Trappola!" Headmaster Crowley yells over the quiet teens. Gasps and groans filled Sam's shop. Yet no know decided to go against their headmasters choice. Grim doesn't even bother to question why the crow had choose them.

The four grooms step in front of their peers as Crowley starts talk with Sam. Not seeing the jealous eyes directed at his winners. To which they gave calm or smug expression. (*Cough* Epel and Ace, *Cough*.)

So the headmaster buys the items they needed for the operation. Not knowing that nightfall was closing in. "Considering that the time we have left until the wedding, this is our last chance. If this plan fails.. (Y/N) will lose her life!"

The four chosen teens gulp at the thought. The kind hearted prefect will die they do not succeed. They will not let that happen! "Since the ghost groom is in a suite. You shall also wear formal attire, or act like a prince, if you don't you will be not seen as a challenger."

Crowley gives the four grooms the things they needed. All the while Ortho had hacked into the security cameras to show to his peers. Standing outside, the students that weren't excepted all crowed around to see the footage. Once the boys are done changing. Stuck in formal wear, handsome as ever.

Their peers, friends, gave compliments and snide remarks. Cater takes a couple of photos and posts it on his Magicam. Tagging it, #Ghost groom, #Saving (Y/N) from Ghost groom and #Tuxedos! "The wedding ceremony is approaching now, the servant ghosts must be on high alert. Please be ready when the time comes!"

The four grooms nod. "No problem. I'll prove I'm the most suitable person to become the groom!" Riddle said with determination in his eyes and voice. "Oui, me as well."

"I'll reach out to her with words of love if my sincerity gets to her, then she will understand my feelings." Rook remarks with spark in his green eyes too. Epel joins in too with his seniors. "I'll save and catch her heart!" Ace agrees along with them, "yeah! Let's succeed in this plan in a instant!"

_____________________________________________

It was now night time and the three grooms had arrived to the gates of NRC. "Epel is late, it's already time to go..." Riddle said with uncertainty in his tone. "Did he get cold feet or something?" Ace asked to the two seniors.

"Non, non. Monsieur Crabapple would never wimp out, especially if it's for Madamonsieur (Y/N) of all people." Rook smiles without a care. "He'll be here soon..." "GUYS!!" It seems the fourth groom has arrived. "What took you so long.. Long."

Ace snark words die in his mouth before they could even come out. Grim, (who had decided to come with the grooms,) eyes widen at how fast Epel was coming towards them. The loud gallops of a horse draw near and nearer. "Sorry about the wait!" Epel says as he looks down at Ace and his seniors.

"It took me longer than I thought to get ready." His steed neighs after his words. Ace looks at Epel with astonishment and confusion. "Why are you on a horse exactly!!?!" Epel returns Ace confusion, "eh, why, because... Isn't prince charming supposed to make his entrance riding a horse. Right?"

"Do prince's even still do that!?" Ace turns to his seniors, "dorm head, Rook, you agree right!?" Rook was strangely quiet as he addressed his dormmate. "Epel... Your initiative, critical thinking, determination and preparation are astounding and very très bein!!" Rook applauded at Epel's effort.

Riddle could agree with his fellow senior. "You're even riding the most ornery horse in the equestrian club." The redhead pointed out with pride. "They're listening to you very well, you'be got a Mack for handling horses." Epel bashfully smiles at their praise, thmaking the two.

Ace interrupts the three by asking how they were gonna get inside. The Heartslabyul dorm leader tells him to quit his whining as Rook tells them that the wedding was starting in three hours. "How did I end up in the wrong?!" Ace asked, mostly to himself. "Ok.. Let's go! OPEN UP!" Epel yells.

One of the guard ghosts had heard the racket and sees the four, plus the horse and Grim. "Good evening, we've come here to win the beautiful brides hand in marriage." Rook said to the ghost. "Suitors and challengers, huh.. His highness will not be pleased to know of this, and so close to the wedding as well... I shall not let you through! Take your leave!"

Epel smirks, "are you sure? You're going to regret turning us away." The lavender haired boy chides. "What? You seem very confident." The gaurd sighs at the persistent suitors. "... Fine, I'll be the judge."

"Pretend I'm his highness bride and show me how you plan to propose! I will let you through the gate if you prove your feelings are ture." The ghosts remarks, waiting for one of the suitors to propose. "Guess we gotta do what he says if we wanna get through the door." Ace said with clear unpleasantness.

"... *Ahem!* Please allow me to go first!" Epel said with a hint of timidness in him. "Go ahead, show me your heartfelt proposal!" The ghost replys back. Epel starts to speak. "I will... Make her the happiest bride ever."

"Because whenever the person I love is in trouble. I'll come to their rescue, like a knight in shinging armor! Whatever happens along the way, I'll get (Y/N) through it all- er! I mean YOU through it all. Just like you had done for me! I will be the one to protect you from all harm."

"So, I am asking for your hand! I implore you. Please marry me!" Epel said with such emotion. Not knowing of the cameras that had captured all of it. Nor would any of the others know when it came to their time to propose.

The guard ghosts eyes widen, "your expression is totally serious... And you're even on a white horse! Like a true prince!!" Ace sighs, "the horse.. So I really was wrong?" The ghosts asked if Ace was a servant to Epel, Ace said no.

"Oh, so you're a suitor? Very well. Let's see how you'd propose." Ace gave a cheeky grin as he starts. "If you marry me, there's no doubt in everyday will be filled with fun."

Ace words grow softer as he continues, his eyes turn a bit nostalgic. "There might be times we argue or fight but... I'll always be the one to apologize. I'll be by your side through thick and thin and always work to make you smile."

"That makes me the best for the princess. So... Don't lay your eyes on anyone else, please marry me!" The ghost nods after Ace had finished. "Your desire to make your partner happy is bright as day! You're the real deal." The ghost then apologized to Ace for mistaken him as a servant.

"That was a decent proposal." Riddle said with a coy smile with amusement. "Hey, could you knock it off with that reaction? I'm just saying my lines!" Riddle's face doesn't change in the slightest.

"You say that but I'm sure that you put real thought into it." Grim goes along with Riddles teasing. "Nyahaha, Ace is trying to act all cool, y'know." The furrbal laughs at Ace, "shut up!" Riddle's teasing look turns into a confident one, "it was just like you Ace, but unfortunately, the princess is going to choose me!"

The soldier ghost points at Riddle. "Alright, you're up next. Show me your moves!" Riddle complied as he began his proposal. "I vow to be honest and sincere!"

"I promise to never hurt the person I love. If it's for my princess, I'll put everything on the line. I humbly request... Won't you choose me as your groom?" The ghost was speechless, uttering a "oh's" and "oh my".

"You seem so reliable and gallant... Even my heart is all a flutter." The ghost said in awe at the red headed groom. "Yeah it was so cool, Senior Roseheart..!" Ace agrees with his tuxedo buddy, "dorm leader got game too, huh?"

Riddle goes very quiet after his turn. "... Th-*ahem* that is enough out of all you all." The Roseheart male turns his head away so none of the group could see his pink cheeks. "The three of you were marvelous. It's my turn next." Rook spoke up as ghost gave him a look.

"The bar's been raised pretty high. A half-hearted proposal isn't going to cut it all!" The ghost declared to Rook, who just smiled and nodded. "You are truly beautiful, please allow me serve you for evermore. May I present a poem of all my feelings for you who has been watched under my eyes for months..."

"I wish to bring warmth to your cheeks, my dear. Long have your eyes only shed lonely tears. Oh, can they even see the happiness you bring to me and others around you. Vibrant is the live blooming in our rendezvous. Ever so gently, let me take your face to rest upon my hands. Under my care, may your lovely (e/c) eyes gaze ever sparkle with hope and romance."

"Woah.." The two first years said in sync, with awe and disgust. Riddle reviewed Rooks oddly embarrassing poem in his head. "Hold on! Read his poem vertically!"

Riddle explained that Rooks poem spelled. I LOVE U.

Rook congratulates Riddle on figuring it out. The ghost was surprised at the last suitor. Telling them they were very interesting challengers for his prince. The a pair of unfamiliar eyes watched them up above. Elias called his guards to go outside to the gates.

"The bride must have her friends here as well!"

_____________________________________________

(Y/N) tries her best to keep calm as she stuffed her face with cake. Taking off one of her gloves, she used it to smear off some of the crumbs off her cheek as a napkin. She puts her glove back on and stabs her fork in a glop of frosting. "*Ahem*!" A cough rings out in her "changing room.

The (h/c)-nette looks up from her food to see the ghost nanny. "My dear lady, it's time to go the wedding hall." Nanny ghost said happily. (Y/N) nods, bringing her herself to stand. Patting down her outfit to make sure crumbs weren't stuck to it.

The nanny ghost fixes her tiara and takes her arm into his. He smiles at her gently, like a grandfather giving his daughter her first pat on the head. The two walk out of the room in arm and arm. Heading to the cafeteria or the "alter". He then lets go of her before she walked down the aisle, flying off to one of the seats.

The "bride" walks over to the alter, but her "groom" was nowhere in sight. (Y/N) shifts in her place awkwardly as the ghosts chatter. She shifts around her bouquet and looks at the flowers. Stephanotis, Peony, Rose, and Lilly's. Her mind tires to remember the meanings, but her thoughts were interrupted when the ghost prince floats in.

The guest grow silent as music starts to play in the background. Elias smiled widely as his little ghost pals fly around him. "I'm so sorry my dear princess, I hadn't noticed the time." Elias said sadly as little tears well up in his eyes. (Y/N), feeling bad for him even though in her odd circumstances, told him it was all good.

"Oh! I forgot to mention, your friends are on their way here. You didn't tell me you were bringing your guests as well?" Elias tells her with innocent confusion. (Y/N) felt sweat drip off her back as guilt and happiness wash over her.

"They're comin-!" Her sentences wasn't even finished yet before her friends arrived. Riddle, Ace, Rook and Epel all wore nice suits while Grim was being held by a ghost soldier! Her friends were bound in ropes as they tried to get out of them. "Release us!"

Riddle demand with anger, "watch your tongue!" A soldier shouted at the hot-temperted red head. "Guys!" The "bride" yells in fear. The group looks at (Y/N) and are all stunned by her appearance.

She wore beautiful wedding attire, but the look on her face did not gleam like her outfit. "Why are they-!" "They were causing a ruckus, saying they were here to challenge me for your hand. But I decided not to hurt them, they are your friends after all. Think of it as a wedding present!"

The room goes quiet after the prince spoke. (Y/N) stares at her friends faces and her eyes slightly light up. She gives a sad smile and bows at them. Mouthing a few silent words to them. They stare at her with fear, but keep quiet.

"Now let's start!" The ghost groom announced as the priest ghosts starts to talk. "Do you, Prince Elias. Take this young woman as your wife and be with her for all eternity." "I do!"

The preist smiled at the boys eagerness. "And you my dear lady, do you take him as your husband for all eternity?" (Y/N) takes a glance at her bouquet of flowers and smiled softly. "I don't.." Gasps of shocks fill the air.

"Wha- but why?!" Elias cried out, as (Y/N) friend's cheered. The (h/c)-nette takes in a breath before releasing a sigh. "Prince Elias... You are a good soul, a sweet one. You put on a brave face for your subjects and friends so they could be happy."

"But you aren't, your just putting your ideals on me so you could finally find your happily ever after. Elias, you need to understand. I'm not your true love. You don't even know me, I don't even think you know why I am even here in Twisted Wonderland." (Y/N) says sadly, taking the princes hand in her's.

"I'm sorry about what you've been through. Though you need to see that you have to stop searching for someone who is your "ideal" cause I'm not a princess!" (Y/N) chuckles bitterly. "There is more to somebody than how they seem to be."

"I... I never meant... I just.." Elias tried to form words, though he couldn't. "I was never able to get a "happily ever after" when I was alive.. I wanted to find my princess and have a future with her. Yet that was stolen away from me, now I'm stealing you away from yours." Elias cried,  his blue eyes closing.

"I'm sorry... I deeply am." The ghost groom cries, wiping his tears away. "Even after five hundred years, nanny was right. I still act like a child." This time, the prince laughs with bitterness. "I think it's time to finally leave.."

(Y/N) nods as Grim got out of his captors restrains and throws a wedding ring to her. "Place it on his finger! He'll disappear for good!" Grim yells at her. (Y/N) catches it and gives Elias one last smile as she puts on the ring.

"Thank you..." The ghost groom whispers as he started to disappear along with the other ghosts. When he was finally gone, the only thing left was a wedding ring. (Y/N) crouched down and picks it up from the ground. Throwing it in a trash been soon after.

She goes over to her friends and undid their restraints. When she finished, the group of grooms give her a hug. (Y/N) hugs them back, placing a small kiss on each their cheeks in gratitude. "Thanks..!" She blushed and looks away from them and focused her attention on cleaning up, not seeing her suitors rivaling looks in their eyes.

The ghost groom had lost his chance for her heart. But who said her suitors will?

The End.

(Yay! This series has been one wild ride for me. But I did it! Thank you guys for the support! I told myself that I would finish this before the Twst halloween event. And I did, Thank you guys! Happy Spooky Month! 👻)

[somedayonbroadway]

Room

Chapter 2

Room Maserlist

TW: Implied rape/non-con (Nothing shown)

Tyler yawned when he heard familiar beeping. There were always six of them before something buzzed above him and a soft scraping noise signaled the opening of the metal door into space. Spider lived in space. He wasn't an alien, but he could live out there. Jack didn't like Spider even though Spider brought them Sunday Treat by magic. Tyler didn't really know him. He was never allowed to speak to the man.

"Hey… I brought jeans," the old man said. He was always loud. Daddy didn't answer. "Got you canned peaches. And no, I'm not wasting my money on any breakfast meat. You don't need it…" Still, Daddy remained silent.

Tyler let out a breath as he slowly sat up, tracing the broken board of Wardrobe that let him see into Room at night. He could see Spider set down a bag of groceries as he laughed, looking down at the table. "What is that? A birthday cake?" Spider took a fork and took a bite out of what was left. "That's why you asked for flour instead of new socks… you're such an idiot," the man laughed, almost playfully. "How old is the little guy now? Four?"

"Five," Tyler whispered, knowing the man wouldn't hear him. He watched the old man step out of his pants and walk closer to his daddy. "I'm five…" Daddy didn't correct the man. In fact, Daddy didn't say a single thing.

"You should've told me. I would've gotten him a present." The words made Race curious. He tried to peer out, but he wasn't allowed to open Wardrobe when Spider was in Room. Daddy wouldn't be happy with him if he did.

It was not the first time Race had seen this happen. Daddy had drawn little ticks on the wall above him. Race was supposed to count them when he woke up in the night and heard the squeaking coming from Bed.

So that's exactly what he did.

"One… two… three… four…"

It was easy to count those marks. There were at least a hundred of them. So Race often let his mind wander while he counted, not liking the sound of that creak that always seemed to happen when Spider came into Room.

He thought about Room. There was Room and then outer space where all of the TV planets were. Then there was heaven. It's where he was before Room. He couldn't remember it. Daddy said that it was another life, one where he was free and happy. Race never understood that. He was happy here, with his daddy, in Room.

One day, he promised his daddy that he would take them to the TV planets. He thought Daddy might be happy if he saw the TV planets. He knew his daddy wasn't happy here. He just pretended because Room was all that was here and the aliens couldn't hear them when they called. But one day, Race was going to change that.

The TV persons weren't real, they were flat and made with shapes and lights and colors, but the aliens that made them were. Plant was real but trees weren't and forests and oceans were much too big to fit anywhere. Spiders were real though and not Spider the old man but the bugs. And one time a mosquito had sucked Race's blood. Cats and dogs weren't real though. Well, except for Hammer. He was Tyler's puppy that was going to come for them as soon as he could hear them from space.

But for now, he was in Room. And he was with Daddy. And he was just fine with that.

Jack stared straight up at the ceiling. He breathed evenly as the man beside him held a strong arm around his bare waist. He stared up at the sound tiles that made up the ceiling and tried to forget that he could feel Spider's breath on his neck. All he could do was wait, counting the second until the old man finally left him alone.

It had been nine hundred and seventy six second since he'd started counting. He didn't stop. It helped him lose focus on the things his mind would tend to wander to when things were quiet and he was alone and he didn't have a five year old to focus on. He didn't like where his mind went at night, but he couldn't get himself to sleep. Not when Spider was here, making him feel like another object in Room, like he only served a single purpose.

Maybe he did.

He kept counting, forcing himself to continue breathing normally. Spider wouldn't sleep in Room. Not for much longer, anyway. Soon enough he would go back into space. Then he'd come back tomorrow night and the horrible cycle would begin again.

Nothing was going to change now. It was useless to dream. It was useless to imagine what might have been had things been different, where he could have been had there been a single thing he'd done differently on one particular day of his life that had seemed just like any other. This is where he was. This is what the universe had chosen for him.

Room was the whole world. There was nothing else out there.

Not for him.

When Spider finally left, Jack swallowed the lump that always seemed to make itself known in the back of his throat. He waited until the big metal door was shut again before he pulled his pajama pants back on and carefully shuffled his way over to Wardrobe. He let out a breath as he opened the doors of the thing to find a little boy sleeping. He expertly scooped the child up in his arms, careful not to wake him as he whisked him back to Bed and lay him down, cuddling up against him as he pulled the single blanket he had over the both of them.

Tyler stirred only a little as Jack shushed him.

Jack pressed his head into the boy's small shoulder and let his eyes close, allowing himself to drift off into oblivion with his baby in his arms.

The next day began just as the last one had. Quiet. Nearly silent.

It was just a little bit harder for Jack to get out of bed.

Running low on cereal, Jack knew that they had to have a small breakfast and he begrudgingly cut up an apple, using a knife with its tip broken off, barely sharp enough to cut through the fruit. He didn't care. His wrist throbbed but he ignored it, sniffling and rubbing at his exhaustion stung eyes as he continued on, eventually handing his son, who was banging on the bottom of a small bucket in the bathtub, half of the small thing without a word.

Quietly, the child put down his wooden spoon and accepted the food, taking a bite of it immediately. He watched Daddy curiously, wondering if this would be one of the days that he didn't speak at all before he saw the man wince.

A pain spread throughout the back of Jack's mouth. He felt something come loose and he placed a hand over his mouth as he began to try and assess what had just happened. After a moment he reached inside his mouth and tugged on the tooth that had been bothering him for weeks.

It came out without any more trouble.

Tyler's eyes widened. "What is it?" he asked, not understanding at all what had happened.

As Jack inspected the small thing, he sighed. "It's a bad tooth." The small molar that was supposed to be white had a black hole in it and Jack could taste a little bit of blood where he'd just pulled it out. Emotionlessly, he held the thing down towards his son who was ever so inquisitive and let the boy's wide blue eyes linger.

"Can I hold it?" Squinting a little bit, Jack bent down to hand the child the blackened tooth and he watched the boy gaze in awe. "Whoa…"

Jack smiled for only a second before it was gone again and he looked back down at the apple on the counter. His stomach was tight with hunger but he didn't want to eat. For a long while, he just stared at the fruit like it had betrayed him somehow before his mind wandered back to what would happen that night. He put his head in his hands and rested his elbows on the counter.

His head hurt. He was exhausted and he didn't want to be awake. So he set the apple back in the fridge and wandered back over to the bed, curling in on himself as he pulled the blanket up and closed his eyes.

Today was just one of those days.

Still fascinated by the tooth, Race only knew Daddy had walked away because he heard Bed squeak. He looked over to find that Daddy's face was covered by Blanket. Race knew right then that it was going to be a gone day.

On gone days, Race would read. Daddy said he was still learning, but he was a really good reader. Only, Race didn't want to read right now. He wanted to play. He wanted Daddy to dance with him and run around Room with him. He wished his daddy would smile. He loved hearing Daddy laugh.

But he knew that he had to be quiet now. So he climbed out of Tub and wandered over to Egg-Snake, fiddling with him instead of running around and making noise. Egg-Snake was his best friend. He was the best at hiding from Daddy. Sometimes they'd play hide and seek when Daddy was happy. And when Daddy found Egg-Snake, he would pick Race up and hand Egg-Snake back to him with a smile and say "Nice try, Tyler James." Sometimes he'd get sad and say that there was nowhere to hide in Room. Tyler just thought he liked playing games and he wanted to be able to play himself, but he didn't know why.

Daddy was really good at finding things.

So lost in thought, Tyler didn't even notice that hours had passed him by. Rather than continuing to rattle Egg-Snake or bang on buckets, the little boy found himself picking at the loose edges of Rug after getting bored of staring at pages of his book that he couldn't get himself to read. That is, until he heard a squeaking noise.

It wasn't like the squeak that Bed made at night or the one Wardrobe made before he slept. It was much softer and much faster than that. So those big blue eyes peered up from Rug. That's when Race saw it.

He'd seen one once, in a movie, he thought. It was so small and such a soft looking grey color. It was eating a crumb of bread from the birthday cake. Spider must have dropped some of it last night. Daddy never left crumbs on the floor before they went to bed.

Fearing the small creature might be hungry, Race stood silently, reaching for the plate that still held their birthday cake, carefully taking a fist full of crumbs and letting them fall into a pile on the floor before he scurried away quietly. He lay on his tummy on the ground, not wanting to scare his new friend away. He believed the animal's name was Mouse. Mouse looked at him. Tyler could see every breath the animal took as it hesitantly crept forward towards the cake crumbs.

He'd never seen a real live Mouse before. He hadn't thought they were real. They were supposed to be made up, just like cats and dogs and dragons. Daddy had said that bugs could get into Room because they could fly, but Mouse couldn't fly.

The tiny thing began to nibble on the small peace offering as Race's mouth opened, creating the shape of a perfect circle as he gazed up at the creature in pure amazement. He crawled closer to it, watching it for another moment longer before he carefully and gently reached towards it, his hands cupped so he might carry it.

He flinched when something flew past him, hitting Mouse dead on. Race gasped and scrambled back, glancing up to see his daddy walking with purpose towards the crumbs to see if he'd hit Mouse. "Hey!" Race cried.

Jack sighed, grabbing the book he'd thrown from the floor and making sure the rat was gone. He tossed what was left of The Bible back onto his bed and kneeled down, trying to figure out where the thing came from, but he couldn't find any visible hole. Maybe if the rodent had gotten in, there was a weakness in the wall somewhere. Somewhere their noise could be made louder.

"Mouse wasn't doin' nothin'! He was bein' quiet!"

"It would've eaten our food," Jack stated, nearly monotone as he still found nothing. Sometimes he wished he would just turn to metal.

Tyler pouted, stomping over to his daddy and glaring up at him. "I gave him some food! He was hungry!"

"That thing's filled with diseases. It would've bitten us in our sleep." Race lightly hit Jack's leg at the words, letting him know that he didn't believe that.

"You killed him!"

Jack let out an irritated breath. "No, I didn't," he assured, running a hand through his hair. It was down to his chin now. He hated how long it was. He tried to ignore the fact that it immediately fell back in his face as he began to pick the crumbs up off the floor. "Mouse is just fine in the backyard with his family."

"The backyard?" It wasn't until Race asked that question that Jack realized his mistake. The young man paused for a moment, glancing down at his son. "Mouse lives in a backyard like in TV? Does he live on a TV planet?"

Biting back a frustrated groan, Jack shook his head, reaching over for the stupid book he'd thrown back onto the bed. "Here… why don't you go draw a dinosaur 'r somethin'," he suggested, trying to change the subject as quickly and calmly as he could.

A small sigh escaped the child and he looked at the torn up Bible for a moment, almost doing as he was told. But he paused. "Why didn't you tell Spider it was my birthday?"

Biting his lip, Jack stood, fighting back the only feelings he ever seemed to have anymore. Anger and despair. "Tyler," he warned, really not wanting to have this discussion again. "You're supposed ta be asleep when Spider comes."

"He said he would bring me a present!" Tyler whined. "I've never had a present…" he wondered.

Jack knew that his son hadn't meant those words to be so hurtful to him, but that didn't mean they didn't hurt more than anything. "He was lyin', Race. Spider ain't our friend," Jack said, throwing away the crumbs and dragging his feet back over to his bed.

The child stood up fast, watching Jack nearly collapse on the bed, wanting to just let the world swallow him whole. "It coulda been my puppy!"

"We can't have a puppy, Tyler. There's not enough room— space," Jack corrected himself, sitting back up and rubbing at his eyes again and not looking back at his little boy. "We don't have enough space n' I can't handle the scratching n' the biting an' the barking—"

"Hammer promises he won't—"

"There is no Hammer!" Jack argued, his head pounding. He'd kill for some pain killers right now.

Stomping his foot, Tyler screamed, "Yes there is!"

"No, he's not! You made him up in your head! He's not real!"

The words came out much harsher than Jack had meant them to. He froze, finally letting his gaze trail back down to his son. His heart tore apart at what he saw.

Tyler's bottom lip trembled as his big blue eyes welled up with tears. The child's shoulders slumped a little as he turned away. Jack melted. "No… no, baby, I'm sorry…" he tried, getting up and quickly gathering the five year old up in his arms. "Come here, come here, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, please don't cry…" The boy turned to him and rested his head on Jack's shoulder as he cried. "Please don't cry, sweet boy, I'm so sorry…" Jack climbed back onto the bed with his son snug in his arms. He tried not to break down right along with the child. He rubbed the boy's back and kissed his head and played with his hair. He sniffled, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Race's temple. "I'm so sorry…"

His child whimpered and sniffled against him, not understanding why Jack had gotten angry. To be honest, Jack didn't understand why either. Getting angry and irritated didn't help anything. It just made the weight of everything else sit heavier on his shoulders. He rocked the boy back and forth, swallowing hard as he shoved back his own sobs.

"Shhhhh… I'm sorry…" Jack hushed. "How about a story, huh? You wanna hear a story?" he tried, his voice shaking just a little. When Tyler nodded his head, Jack sniffled and relaxed back onto the bed, letting his back hit the mattress as he played with the child's hair. "Okay…" he began, staring up at the ceiling for a long moment before he tuned out the sound of his own voice. "Did I eva' tell you the story about the boy who lost his shadow?"

The story would only last so long, but Jack could at least get lost in the images and pictures that he'd had as a child. His imagination used to run wild with this story; a tale of adventures, ruthless pirates, beautiful mermaids and a boy who would never have to grow up and face the reality of the world that didn't exist to Jack anymore. That boy could just fly away from his problems and never have to return.

It wasn't fair.

Despite his jealousy of a fictional character, Jack managed to continue on with the story, calming the boy in his arms as he spoke in a soothing, slow voice until he managed to force himself onto his feet. He held Tyler in his arms as he turned the stove on and began boiling up some rice for dinner as his boy nearly fell asleep on his shoulder.

"... and up in the sky, they could see it," Jack whispered. "A pirate ship in the stars flyin' away while the Darling children went to sleep, believin' all of it was just a dream."

Race yawned, nuzzling his head beneath Jack's chin. "Was it?"

Jack peaked down at him. "Was it what?"

Lifting his head to face him, the child watched the water in the pot boil. "A dream?"

Pausing, Jack sighed. He bit his lip. "I don't know…" he admitted. "Maybe…"

It wasn't long after that that the rice was cooked and Jack served Racer some in his bowl. He let the kid take it to his chair that was pushed in front of the TV and started eating as Jack joined him. For a moment, it was quiet as the television was clicked on and Race chose a channel to watch. "Where do we go when we sleep?"

Only glancing at the small child, Jack replied, "Right here in Room."

"But what about dreams?" Race challenged. "Do we go into TV for dreaming? Or to Neverland?"

Taking another reluctant spoonful of rice, Jack shook his head, reaching out to smooth back his son's hair. "We're never anywhere but here," he assured brokenly, glancing at the metal door, agony in his gaze as he ran his fingers through Race's long blond curls. He forced himself to keep eating as his mind went blank and he watched three cartoon ducks get into trouble over and over again.

The rest of the night went on like normal. Jack got Tyler bathed along with himself and he helped the boy into his sleep shirt, running a comb through his hair to calm him down enough to sleep. He sang until those blue eyes closed and then he shut the wardrobe, leaning his head against it and closing his eyes, sending a wish into the heavens or higher that this boy would sleep through the night.

He didn't think he was asking for a lot.

Then he trudged back over to the bed and lay down, curling up tight and closing his eyes. He tried pretending to sleep before. It never worked.

When those six beeps and a buzz sounded over him, he remained motionless, letting a hand tug on his hair.

He didn't move. He just lay there and let the man talk. "Your hair is much too long. We'll have to cut it soon." Jack stared straight ahead at the wall. "I brought you something…" The young man stopped listening. He just let the old man roll him onto his stomach and he didn't say a word.

He didn't want to wake Tyler.

But by the time it was over, Jack could hear a soft whispered voice coming from the Wardrobe, counting, "Thirty three… thirty four… thirty five…" Jack swallowed back a whimper as he turned his head away from the man who was practically on top of him, his eyes meeting the scribbled, left handed drawings he'd managed to create on only pages of that horrible book people meditated and prayed on. The sketches looked back at him, smiling gently at him and Jack almost reached for them, stopping himself when Spider grunted in his sleep.

Of all the cruel things Spider could do to him, what he'd done tonight was among the worst. Jack felt a tear fall down his face, but he refused to cry. He just kept looking up at those pictures of those people instead of looking back to the kitchen table where that thing sat. He didn't want to think about what it meant, what the Spider was thinking when he bought it. It was all too much.

Jack just wanted to be able to sleep again.

Arms around his waist and breath on his neck, Jack swallowed hard, silently listening to the breaths and whispers of his little boy. The arm that tightened around him made him bite down on his tongue. He tasted blood but he didn't care.

When Spider stirred beside him, Jack refused to look at him. The man sat up beside him and pulled his pants back on. A hand brushed through his hair and lips pressed against his cheek possessively. Jack didn't react. "Make sure Tyler gets his present. I'll see you tomorrow night."

Still staring right past the man, Jack set his jaw. But the hand that brushed through his hair tightened and turned his head.

Jack hated looking into those black eyes. "Say 'goodnight'."

Scowling a bit, tears still in his eyes, Jack couldn't argue. "Goodnight," he breathed.

The hand released him and Jack glared at Spider all the way out the door. The second the door was shut, Jack stood, nearly stumbling to the ground as he pulled his pajama pants back on. He caught himself and made his way to the wardrobe, opening it up to find his little boy, nearly back asleep. Gently, he scooped the child up in his arms. Tyler moaned. "Shshshshshshhhhh…" Jack coaxed, cradling the boy to his chest before he lay the child in the bed to tuck him in.

This is normally when he would lay down beside the child, cuddling against him and shielding him from the cool air that the door had let in. But tonight he didn't even want to sleep. Instead he sat down at the table. He sat in his yellow chair and he stared down at the box in front of him. He glared at it.

Five years and he'd never been able to so much as buy his son a birthday present. He should be happy that this year he'd gotten one at all. But all he could feel was anger and resentment.

There was no sleep for Jack that night. He just watched over his son, knowing nothing would happen to him. Not in Room.

Nothing new ever happened in Room.

It was just Room.

[hermannsthumb]

Would you please be willing to write 54 from the winter prompt list? About having a rough day?

54. we don’t really know each other but you look like you’re having a rough day so i got you my favourite hot drink from the cafe

from winter writing prompts here

sometimes it’s fun to write things where they were never penpals and they’re just kind of bastards to each other. this is a WELL needed break from working on finals and zine stuff

-------------------

Newt’s not really sure what he did to be stuck with this utter bastard of a lab partner—what sort of, like, karmic punishment he’s facing, and for what, or who high in command he pissed off in his job interview—but in terms of utter bastards, Hermann Gottlieb pretty much takes the cake. He snaps at Newt over everything. He tears down Newt’s theories in front of their superiors whenever he gets the chance. The dude even took a fucking roll of tape and divided the lab in half just so he wouldn’t have to look at Newt’s face—totally nuts behavior. Like, right? Who does that? He’s not even sure why they have to share a lab in the first place. It’s not like Hermann’s jumping at the chance to stick his arms in a kaiju chest cavity with Newt, or Newt can make head or tails of Hermann’s bizarre equation chains. Half of him is convinced they’re all just bullshit, anyway. But whatever.

At least Hermann’s being significantly less of a bastard today. Newt hasn’t heard one peep out of him—not even when Newt started playing music without his headphones, or knocked a whole chunk of kaiju intestine over onto the floor and it rolled (with a series of admittedly nasty splats) an inch across the dreaded tape line. He’s just been standing, motionless, at his chalkboard. All day. Not even writing anything. Occasionally, Newt’s heard him sigh.

It’s a drastic departure from the routine Newt’s used to. Newt doesn’t care about Hermann—he really doesn’t—but if he did, he might be…a little worried about the guy.

Hermann sighs again. This time, he wipes a hand down his face.

Oh, good grief.

Newt pulls off his work gloves with two snaps, switches his headlamp off, and clears his throat. “Hey, uh,” he says, timidly, and cringes at himself even as he does. Newt would say his odds are 50-50 that Hermann’s just gonna yell at him to mind his own business and get back to work. “Gottlieb? Hermann?”

Hermann turns from his chalkboard with a low “Mm?”

He has dark circles under his eyes; his collar, Newt notices, is tucked into his shirt, and one shirttail hangs out from his sweatervest, like he was distracted when he got dressed this morning. It’s the most disheveled Newt has ever seen him. Instantly, he feels a strange surge of pity for his weird, prickly lab partner. “You all good over there, dude?” Newt says.

“Yes,” Hermann says.

Then he sighs, and sits down heavily on the metal stool he keeps next to his ladder. It looks like the most uncomfortable thing in the world. “Frankly, no, Dr. Geiszler,” he says. “I’ve not had—the best of days.”

“Oh,” Newt says. He scuffs his boot against the floor. “…Do you want to, like…talk about it or something?”

Hermann works his weird, angular jaw furiously. For a second time, Newt’s sure the rebuke is coming—the stay out of my private affairs, Dr. Geiszler, an invitation for Newt to fire back at him with a nasty jab of his own, and then they can both be on their merry way like it never happened—but none does. “I am sure you have noticed I am not making as much headway in the updated jaeger coding as I would’ve liked,” Hermann says.

Newt didn’t notice. He doesn’t make a habit of paying attention to Hermann if he can help it. “Uh, sure,” he says.

“To put it lightly,” Hermann says, “I am stumped. And on top of this, my father—well.” He rubs his hands over his face again and doesn’t elaborate.

The amount Newt knows about Hermann can be counted on one hand. He knows that Hermann was like him—a child prodigy. He knows that Hermann cuts his own hair, because there’s no way something that bad could’ve been paid for, and Newt found dark brown hair clippings in the k-sci bathroom sink the same day Hermann’s bowlcut looked just a bit more severe than usual. He knows Hermann walks with a cane, but he doesn’t know why. He knows Hermann’s father founded the jaeger program, stuck his son at the head of it, and then suddenly and inexplicably publicly called for defunding it in favor of allocating resources to some stupid coastal wall instead. Newt can’t even imagine the pressure Hermann’s dad is putting him under to follow in his footsteps. Or how much harder it is for Hermann to complete even menial work tasks with that weighing over him. “Dude,” he says, sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

Hermann snorts.

“No, really,” Newt says, and he’s surprised to find he means it. Hermann is a bastard, but Newt kinda thinks he’s growing on him like…well, like a frumpy, bitchy old tumor. Or something like that. “I am. That really sucks. Can I help you with anything?”

“Not unless you can write this damn code for me,” Hermann says, scowling and banging the end of his cane against his chalkboard viciously. “Oh, never mind. I’m going to get a tea from the commissary before I tear my bloody hair out.”

He makes to stand, but Newt shakes his head, and says quickly, “No, dude, let me! Just stay here and chill. I was going to run out for a sandwich anyway.”

It’s a misstep, maybe—Hermann’s scowl darkens. But Newt presses on anyway. “Seriously, I’ll get it. I want to help you. Do you want a sandwich or anything too? Or noodles? I think the mess is serving noodles today. Or I could run out to get you takeout, whatever you want.”

“Newton,” Hermann says. Not Dr. Geiszler. Newt’s heart skips a beat for reasons he doesn’t quite understand. “I don’t want a sandwich or anything like that. I just want some tea.” His jaw moves back and forth again. “But—if you are so inclined to fetch it for me—I would…appreciate the gesture. I take it with milk and two sugars. Just a tea. That is all.”

“Okay!” Newt says, grinning goofily, and jogs from the lab.

He slams a bio-degradable cardboard coffee cup and a small box of pastries down onto Hermann’s desk thirty minutes later. Hermann, who was poring over a bewildering jumble of code on his computer screen, startles so badly his glasses slip off the end of his nose and bounce against his chest. He crooks his eyebrow at the cup and pastries. “Those are not from the commissary,” he says.

“They’re not,” Newt says. “Come on, the comm stuff is crap, you know they water everything down. There’s a café I go to just off base and they’ve actually got the good stuff.” It costs him a fucking fortune these days with rationing, especially on the tiny salary the PPDC is able to scrape together for him, but Newt firmly believes it’s worth it. Spending that much on Hermann is worth it too, he thinks, if it means Hermann can go back to their usual sparring faster. Sad, mopey Hermann unsettles Newt. He slides Hermann’s drink closer to him. “Come on, come onnn, try some.”

Hermann sniffs it suspiciously. He pries off the plastic lid, revealing a mountain of whipped cream and chocolate drizzle beneath. “This does not look like tea, either,” he says, and stares at Newt—unimpressed—over his glasses.

“It’s not,” Newt says. “It’s called the Geiszler—it’s my custom order at the shop. Well, I call it the Geiszler, anyway. I think they just call it ‘that one fucking guy is back again’.” Hermann cracks the world’s smallest smile, and Newt feels like he’s just scaled Mount Everest. He also feels like his stomach might twist itself up in knots, because it’s kinda a cute smile. Is that weird to think about Hermann like that? It’s totally weird. Whatever. “Go on, try it, for real. I promise it’s good.”

Hermann delicately snaps the lid back on and takes a long sip; he swallows, and hums thoughtfully. Newt has never cared about Hermann’s opinion this much before. “Well, it’s not tea,” Hermann finally says, “but I will admit it could be worse. Thank you.” He gives Newt another funny little sour smile—like it can’t decide if it wants to be a frown or not. “And thank you for the pastries, as well. Though I don’t know how on earth I’m meant to finish them all.”

“Dude, they’re totally not all for you,” Newt laughs. He digs one out of the box, takes a bite, and waves it at Hermann. Crumbs rain down on Hermann’s desk. “As if. We’re sharing.”

Hermann wrinkles his nose and sweeps off a layer of crumbs from some paperwork. “Hm,” he says. “Please do refrain from eating over my work station, Newton. I know you are far laxer with your sanitary habits, but…”

There it is again—Newton. Not Dr. Geiszler, and not Newt. No one’s called Newt Newton in years. It’s for the Newton that Newt forgoes the fight and just backs off with his pastry and a smile. “Sorry,” he says. “You’re right, that was rude of me. Enjoy the coffee.”

They’re back at each other’s throats in a day, but Hermann doesn’t stop calling him Newton, so Newt figures that’s gotta mean something.

[manet-boleyn]

Top 10 Characters in The Tudors

SarHello! I decided I would do a Top 10 characters in this show. I will call them characters, since they are very different from their historical counterparts. 

Honorable Mentions

Henry Percy

Bessie Blount

Mary Boleyn

Mark Smeaton

10 THOMAS CROMWELL

Why is Thomas Cromwell so low? He’s the dreamboat, he’s the Crumb Cakes. But for me, there are a lot of characters I like more than him. His acting is well done, however he does not give off Thomas Cromwell energy. At first, I kept mixing him up with Sir Thomas More, he was that bleh in Season 1. That really is not his fault though, since Season 1 is my least favorite season and many of the characters are portrayed horribly. looking at you, Henry VIII. However, he does get better in the later seasons. He was the character that help made the dryness of Season 3 a bit better, making it only my second least favorite season. James Frian played him very well and his execution scene was very difficult to watch since I started to grow some love for him. But now it has been a whole month since I watched The Tudors and I think more characters other than him. Also, I personally think Mark Rylance plays Cromwell much better than James Frian since he does have the vibe of the historical figure. 

9 KATHERINE OF ARAGON

Again, not having that energy of the real historical figure. I really liked her, however as time went on, more characters were introduced and I started to forget about her character. Plus, she is most prevalent in Season 1, so I am very biased on that. However, this Katherine does have real traits of the real Katherine. She loves her daughter and is very determined to still win Henry’s heart from Anne. Overall, I do think Maria Doyle Kennedy played her very well. It’s not the best Katherine that I have seen, however she is somewhat close. 

8 KATERYN PARR

A surprise, actually. After going through my least favorite portrayal of all time, Tazmin Merchant’s Katheryn Howard, I thought I was going to get another terrible version of Kateryn Parr, she is only queen for three or four episodes even though the real Parr was queen consort for four years. However, she was actually very enjoyable. I liked how it showed her faith to her religion and how terrified she was to it. I really loved how she bonded with Henry VIII and his children, she seems such a wonderful mother and I definitely want to be at court when she is queen. I really like how Joely Richardson portrayed her. I always really do not bring my attention to Parr and focus more on the other wives, so I was stunned how much of an interesting life Parr had. I’m putting her higher than I should since she was mostly a surprise after Katheryn Howard.

7 ANNA VON KLEVE

Anna von Kleve is my second favorite queen after Katheryn Howard, when thinking of the real historical figures. However, one grudge of her being higher on the list is that she sleeps with Henry VIII in Season 4. Nevertheless, she is portrayed very well, in my opinion. She is very anxious and shy just like the real Anna von Kleve when she met her husband. She has so much love for the children of Henry VIII, it is really exactly like her. She is not in the show that much, so it is a real shame, I wished they shown her more often in the later of Season 4, since she was friends with Henry VIII until his death. I like how they also explore her life after the annulment of their marriage how she is more confident and more at home without being the queen of England. One of the most accurate portrayals regarding personality in The Tudors. Props to Joss Stone. 

6 SIR THOMAS MORE

OK OK OK. I AM VERY BIASED ON THIS ONE. Why is he in number 6? Well, he’s really fucking hot. Like, no joke, if I had to pick any of the characters from The Tudors to marry, this is the guy. However, he will burn me on the stake though :(. Looks aside, Sir Thomas More is a very well rounded character. There are pros and cons about him. He loves his family and he has good advice when you need it. He is willing to help out his friends, too. However, he is a fanatic of burning heretics and would not accept Anne as queen instead of signing it off and going back to his family. he was one of the only enjoyable characters from Season 1 and I thank him for that. Jermey Northam is a fantasic actor and I a very happy to learn who he is. However, he is mostly high on the list because I think Sir Thomas More is really fucking hot like no joke. 

5 HENRY TUDOR, KING HENRY VIII

I have to admit. He was one of the worst characters in Season 1. He was annoying, he yelled like a child when he did not get his way, overall he was not an enjoyable character. However, time grew on, and he grew on me. He does not have King Henry VIII energy since they did make him more sympathetic, but I really honestly do not care. Jonathan Rhys Meyers started to get a hold of this character and started to make him a more interesting and amazing character around Season 3. You can really see how Meyers started to very terribly make this character a little piss cry baby and into a mad, terrible king that loves bloodshed but also still loves the people that he does not kill off or does. Henry VIII I feel like is best when he is in late Season 2 and Season 4. Season 2 he wants to take down Anne so bad and you can see the determination of it and it is so wonderful how they shown the ending of him eating a dead swan (I’m guessing it is symbolism of Anne) happily. Season 4 he kills off all the characters I really fucking hate which makes me happy. The ending with him and Kateryn Parr with his children is the most beautiful endings I have seen and when he is gazing up at Heaven with the Grim Reaper behind him on his horse is such.... wow. The end of Season 4 almost made me cry for this man. He has done so wrong, yet he is starting to understand that he fucked up big time and there is no going back and changing it at all. Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Henry VIII I feel like had beautiful growth throughout this show. 

4 JOAN BULMER

Sometimes when I read a long book series or watch a show that has multiple seasons, I sometimes love one background character that does not show up that much. This did happen in The Tudors with Joan Bulmer. When I was suffering from the nasty portrayal of Katheryn Howard, I always had an outlet of relief for her best friend, Joan. I really love her personally how she is a bit gossipy, but she is very sweet to her best friend. I lowkey thought she was kind of gay for Katheryn at one point, since she looks up to her in such a high manner. And since I am the straight friend TM of many LGBTQ+ groups, it reminded me of them and how I could not see them in the pandemic. She was a very homely character because of that. Joan is very overlooked sadly and I wish she got more hype, since her character is so rich. I would love to be her friend honestly. Catherine Steadman is very pretty and was a great actor for such a bouncy and lovable friend. 

3 EUSATCE CHAPUYS

Chapuys grew on me. My first ever grip of the historical figure was in Allison Weir’s Katherine of Aragon in her Six Queens series, however I started to get that grip in the end. However, I finally understood Chapuys as a whole from The Tudors. When I think of the historical figure, I think of  Anthony Brophy’s portrayal of him. He is Chapuys each time I read a book with him in it. He is an amazing father figure towards the Lady Mary when she is so lost without a father to care. Their friendship is extremely sweet and I really want to write about it. How they bond over Katherine of Aragon is amazing too. He is there for her no matter what and comforts her when she is upset. It is a shame that he died before the real Chapuys passes, however i totally understand why they made that decision. It made me really upset when he started to suffer from gout and died because of it. Overall, I wished they recognized him more in the series, even putting him the title card for one episode would be enough. Very underrated in my opinion, I wish The Tudor fandom would show their love for him much more. 

2 LADY MARY TUDOR

No offense to Henry VIII’s children portrayals, but I really do not like them. It’s probably because I am not the biggest fan of children or I do not like the way Elizabeth is portrayed (I think she is very dull until when she leaves her dad to die). Lady Mary is an exception. She has so much drama in her that is so interesting and I am so glad they made her very complex and not the bloodshed Bloody Mary that everyone knows her from today. She seems very calm and collected in the inside, but however, when she is alone she breaks every time because she has struggles of marriage and the divorce of her parents. She has flaws, like how she wants to burn all these heretics and is quite nasty to Katheryn Howard (I excuse her from that though). But she still loves her siblings even though they are heretics and especially close to her sister Elizabeth. She is the best character when it comes to character growth and development from a happy little princess into a broken young woman. I love her so much, I wish to forget what happened to the real Lady Mary and how she becomes quite different, from begging to her husband to stay and wondering if she would kill her sister or not. Overall, Sarah Bolger is an amazing young actress and i cannot believed she tackled this very hard roll when she was still a teenager. I had a hard time to pick who was going to be my favorite character between her and number one, so they might change. 

1 ANNE BOLEYN 

Really? How can I not? Out of all of the queens, she was the most developed and had the most screen time. Natalie Dormer does not have the Anne Boleyn aura, however she still keeps all the points of the woman’s personality. She is shown to be caring at times, she loves her daughter and her family, and it is very sad to see that her father manipulates her to become Queen. When people think of the show The Tudors, they think of Anne Boleyn. She has so much class in the show and how they do her execution episode is very respectable. I like how they do all the timeline and symbolism with the swans. I was really upset that she died because she was the main force that drove the show on. After she died, I started to not care about many of the characters that shown up later throughout the show. I wished she was more prevalent in Season 1 because she feels somewhat of a background character in the first half. She is strong, witty, and tries to make people follow her way in a nice way at first. She does have flaws, like how she can be very nasty and how she treats her enemies, especially Jane Seymour. She was such a wel rounded character and Natalie Dormer played her wonderfully, it was very obvious that she knew who she was playing and was acting. Would the real Anne Boleyn be happy with this portrayal? Most likely. And I am happy that I watched this show to recognize the amazing acting skills of Natalie Dormer and the other actors. 

What are you favorite characters in The Tudors?

[jktummies]

Hi this is my first time posting a bts wg fic

- I just wanted to try a genderbent Tae with a fat jin

- Fat jin x fem Tae

- stuffing

- gassy jin

- Please enjoy :)

Taehyung held up the last piece of brownie to Seokjins mouth, watching as he already has it opened and ready; his mouth and chubby face covered in grease and crumbs.

An hour in and they had already finished the two boxes of pizza, bucket of chicken and now the whole brownie platter. The stuffing had his shirt barley covering his chubby chest and shelf right under it. His middle already sticking out past his usual extension. Back fat pushing him away from the couch.

Antsy she grabs the ends of his too small shirt, struggling to slip it off. But the view so worth it.

“Fuck” Taehyung threw her head back, hips rutting into his stomach causing his whole mass to jiggle. She runs her hands all over his soft body feeling him up until they stop at his moobs. She lets out a breathy laugh. “Shit jin I remember when I was the only one with a pair.”

A moan tumbles out of his mouth as she gropes them, flicking his nipple with her pretty fingers.

God he remembers to; remembers when he was a lean 139 ponds meeting beautiful tae in their god awful am class. Taehyung is still the same size from when they met but Jin.... jin had skyrocketed in his last year towards a whopping total of 367 pounds.

She glances at him eyes hooded and wearing a smirk. “Now though I think they’re probably bigger than mine.”

He smiles “exactly what we wanted baby. Now pass the cake”

Taehyung laughs, reaching over to her side to grab the cake to stuff into her boyfriends mouth. Seokjin’s tastebuds are already watering as he watches tae unbox it. She cuts a whole slice; carefully bringing it over to Jins open mouth. She watches his lips expand to swallow it whole. She watches him chew, chins folding and cheeks so chubby compared to when they first met. As soon as he swallows she gets another and watches him all over again.

She licks her fingers after stuffing him with the last piece, leaning over to give him a quick peck and lick off excess frosting on Seokjins cheeks. “Want something to drink baby?”

“Please”, he huffs.

Tae hums having a hand rub soft circles on the very top of his taut stomach as she reaches down for the gallon of milk. Seokjin let’s out pleased hums at tae’s motions. His fingers grabbing her arm and pulling her with a force to sit on his gigantic lap ...or what’s left of it.

Tae giggles as she’s plopped on. Seokjin reaches his chubby fingers towards her shirt motioning it to take it off like she did with her pants an hour ago. She smiles as she can feel jins eyes on her as she slips it off, her own chest bouncing free.

His fat hands immediately gripping her waist to bring her towards him, sinking her down into his plush middle.

She pecks him again feeling his fat on her lean frame and pushing outwards. She brings the gallon of milk up and tips it into his mouth and watches as his lips swallow the opening and his girthy neck tipping back to reveal more plush padding.

He’s used to taheyung’s feeding so he knows that she won’t let him take a break until this whole gallon is finished. He gulps it down feeling the liquid settle at the bottom of his gut.

“Fuck.” Taehyungs vocabulary is always reduced when she sees jin stuff himself like pig. They still have some soft cookies waiting to meet seokjins gigantic mouth and she can’t wait to stuff him with those.

He taps taehyungs slim hip telling her he’s done. She leans back putting away the gallon and grabbing the tray of the final treats

“Think you can handle some more big guy,” she teased hand patting his belly.

Seokjin grins, “try me.”

Grabbing a cookie Taehyung starts shoveling it into his mouth. She doesn’t even wait for him to finish when she’s already holding the next one against his lips. Seokjin knows Tae’s getting desperate now. Wanting to get off to what a huge slob he is.

His stomach grumbles and the scrunching of Seokjins face means one thing. He’s a bit gassy. Taehyug stops; seeing his face in distraught she puts the tray down, hands cupping his chubby face. “Milk starting to get to you tubby?”

Seokjin hums, “Do you even have to ask” A loud gurgle of his stomach has both of them groaning . “Please Tae I need your hands.”

She coos and flicks at his double chin real quick before she pushes her hands in the fat. Despite all the food it’s still soft down at the bottom and sides. Tae begins to rub and knead at his underbelly. Listing to seokjins pleased sounds she knows she hit the spot when his fingers grip her waist tighter. God he’s so huge Taehyung just can’t get enough.

His girlfriends hands feel so good all jin could do is moan, whine and groan as they move to make him feel better.

“So fucking fat jin. You really can’t stop can you. Your fat ass barley fits on the couch anymore.” Seokjin ruts up at the embarrassing insults.

“Barely going to fit In your lap anymore if you keep growing.”

Right at that moment Taehyung kneads at the perfect spot causing a sudden belch to escape him.

“Gods baby”, she squirms, hips grinding down and seokjin can feel how soaked she is if the stain on her panties isn’t a dead give away,

“Such a fat pig!” She grips his stomach and shakes it causing his insides to growl. Another burp rising it out of him followed by another monstrous belch.

His breathing rises after that. Tae hissing, “you’re really panting after a few burps. So fucking fat jin that your sweating after eating.”

Tae then starts pushing looking for gas bubbles for Seokjin to release.

His eyes close. “T-Tae,” before he can finish a loud fart is bursting through causing his lap to vibrate and Tae along with it.

She moans loudly at that slumping against him, hands now rubbing his fat sides.

After a few more pushed out gas, Tae sits up.

“Think you can hold up in bed?”

Taehyung looks so pretty as she bites her lip waiting for an answer.

“Definitely just help me get up.”

She squeals as she gets off his fat tree trunk thighs and sticks out her arms. “Hands handsome”

Seokjin grabs on and with full effort Taehyung pulls. After the third attempt Jin is finally up on his already aching feet.

Taehyung’s eyes are gleaming seeing his gigantic stomach stick out so far from his body. Boxers hidden under the rolls of fat. She hums happily walking behind him, smacking his ass that causes him to jolt and jiggle all over.

Jin just grins at her cheeky behavior. Grabs her arm and waddles them towards their bedroom.

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-6)

Word count: 3.5K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: fluff, feels

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23​​​​ I love you, babe <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

“This is fun!” You rolled the ball along the lane. It didn’t even reach halfway before sliding to the side.

“You actually suck!” Jack exclaimed somewhat surprised. “You weren’t lying about that.”

Sticking your tongue out at him, you let him pass to the aisle, carrying another bowling ball. He knocked out 2 pins in the first strike.

You cheered for him as he drew another and in his second turn knocked down four more.

He triumphantly pumped his fists in the air and you high fived him. “That’s more than either of us have accomplished this evening.”

Jack threw a wry look at the girl he had been eyeing all evening. “I don’t think I’ve impressed her.”

The girl in question was a pretty blonde and you had definitely seen her check Jack out at least once. Jack was actually quite good-looking with his soft brown hair and a guileless smile.

“You know what I think?” You winked. “You should go talk to her.”

“Noooooo,” he backed off real quick. “She’s never going to want to talk to me.”

“I’ll bake you those cookies I gave Cas if you do it!”

He made a face. “Aw Y/N! You’re not playing fair.”

You shrugged. “It’s a one time deal. Take it or leave it.”

“You drive a hard bargain.” He glanced at the girl once. “I get the cookies even if she doesn’t agree?”

“Sure do. You just gotta ask her out!”

He gave you one accusing look, then walked over to the girl at the counter. You watched as she smiled sweetly and he nervously scratched his neck. After a few minutes, he came back waving a chit and a huge, disbelieving grin on his face. “She gave me her number. Can you believe that?”

“Whoever would have guessed.” You feigned disinterest. 

“This is such a win-win. I got a date on Sunday and I get the cookies,” he sighed happily.

You wanted to reach out and shuffle his hair, so you did and Jack wrinkled his nose at you.

The two of you grabbed a quick bite at a fast food trolley and walked home teasing each other about how sucky the bowling was.

“I thought the ball was going to drag you with it that one time,” Jack said as you opened the door to your apartment. 

“Know what?” You said conspiratorially. “I did, too.”

You waved a goodbye and then locked the door behind you, exhausted in the good way. The moment your head hit the pillow you were fast asleep.

**************************

14th August 2008

“C’mon, Y/N, you can do better than that,” Jo encouraged and you threw the ball hard. It still landed at her feet.

“I can’t do this,” you gave up, going to sit under the tree in the park. “I’m tired.” 

Jo sighed as she sat down beside you. “It’s been almost a month since your Gran… you know… You can talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you muttered, plucking the grass at your feet.

She laid back on the grass, staring into the bright blue sky. “It’s just that I know you’re hurting- I know it, but if you don’t tell me what to do, I can’t help you!”

No one could help you. Help could only be given in times of a disaster or a problem. There was no help for the last person left alive in the world. No one was coming for that person… just like no help was coming for you who were the last one left in your world.

“There you are!” Dean Winchester was walking up the small hillock, a wicker basket in his hand. He looked damn good in that leather jacket, the sunlight making his hair glint golden.

You gave Jo a questioning look and she smiled guilty. “I uhhh… arranged for a surprise picnic for us. Dean offered to get us sandwiches.”

You wanted to feel annoyed with her. The last thing you needed was to pretend to smile for company. Dean had been exceptionally kind to you, but you didn’t want to make him a victim of your isolation driven lethargy.

“Hey,” Dean said, his eyes softening when he saw you. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” you said automatically.

He pushed the wicker basket towards you. “Jo said you liked muffins. Now, we tried baking some, but they come with health warnings.”

“We?”

“Sammy and I,” he said, jerking his head sideways. You saw Sam coming up the hillock with a thermos in his hand. 

You sat up straight. 

You hadn’t seen Sam since your return to Lawrence for good and felt a bit ashamed about how you had behaved at the funeral, clinging to him the way that you had throughout the night. The brothers had walked you to the house and stayed over along with Ellen and Jo. They had left with Jo before you were up the following morning.

Ellen had stayed with you for the better part of that week, helping you tie the loose ends. She absolutely refused to leave till you agreed to come with. After a while of resisting her, you had given in. Who was left here for you anyway?

After returning to Lawrence, you mostly locked yourself in the room, rereading the books you had bought with you. It was immature and highly inappropriate to be this unhelpful in someone else's house, but you couldn’t bear the pitying looks in everyone’s eyes. Sam had come by once or twice. You had pretended to be asleep each time after hearing his voice downstairs. 

Now, you didn’t have a choice but to talk to him.

“We’ve already pulled out the death by muffins, I see,” he said, sitting down next to his brother. He looked up and your heart almost leapt out of your chest. You had forgotten just how good-looking he was… and then when he was looking at you like that...

“We tried, Y/N,” Sam said apologetically. “We really did. Asked the recipe from Karen and all, but they just taste weirdly bitter.”

“It’s too much chocolate,” Jo said, wrinkling her nose as she took a small bite out of one innocent looking muffin.

“Here, you wanna try some?” Sam offered, looking so hopeful that you automatically took it from him. When your fingers touched his, it felt electric. 

It was awful. The bitterness wasn’t the rich bitterness of chocolate. It was excess baking soda. It left the insides of your mouth feeling desiccated.

“Well, you’re officially the bravest person I’ve ever met,” Dean declared, his face twisted in absolute disgust. “What did you eat the full thing for?”

“It’s not that -”

“Bad?” Dean asked, revolted. “It’s disgusting. Satan’s rear end tastes like that. We only brought them with us to see we could feed them to the ducks! Sammy and I bet money on that.”

He looked so horrified that you laughed with a mouthful of the muffin, the crumbs sputtering out of your mouth, in all their caustic horribleness. Once the laughter broke out, a fit overtook you and you fell back into the soft grass laughing till tears rolled down the sides of your eyes.

“You guys suck at baking,” you coughed in between the chortles.

“Yeah, Y/N is our resident baker. Her cakes and cookies are to die for!” Jo lauded. You punched her in the arm lightly to stop her from praising you.

“Maybe you can teach us,” Sam said, and there was an undercurrent to his voice, warm and inviting. 

“Alright you crazy kids hang around here with the basket,” Jo said. “We’re heading out for a while to the diner. There’s a couple of things we have to pick up for mom. Don’t hog the muffins.”

You sat up straight, realising that laying around like that wasn’t displaying any sense of propriety.

“Will you be alright?” Jo asked, worry lining her forehead.

“Yes, don’t worry about me.”

Jo still looked concerned as she walked down the hillock and disappeared from view.

You closed your eyes, and before Sam could utter a word, said, “Listen, I’m really sorry about how I behaved at the- the funeral. It was anything but appropriate to put you through that. I’m really sorry.”

When Sam didn’t say anything, you opened your eyes, albeit reluctantly. 

He was staring into the distance, not at you. When he finally spoke, you couldn’t place the tone of his voice. “Is that really how you feel?”

“What do you mean?”

He regarded you closely, the wind ruffling his hair. “I was under the impression that me being there helped you- even if just a bit. But if all it did was make you feel sorry, then maybe I shouldn’t have come.” 

“It did help me,” you said quickly. “Really. The mere thought that there was someone who wasn’t there because they had to be there was more help that I can even begin to explain. I mean Aunt Ellen and Jo are family, and though they didn’t know Gran too well, they still had at least some level of obligation to be there. And it was so thoughtful of Dean to drive Jo. But not a single person was there only and only for me, except you. Trust me, you got me through that evening.”

“Then why are you sorry?” He asked, perplexed. Though he appeared relieved at the same time.

“Because,” you said, resigning to finally saying it out loud. “It doesn’t justify clinging to you like that. It was really kind of you to come, but I think I overstepped my boundary.”

“Y/N,” Sam said, placing his hand on top of yours. “I didn’t come there from the kindness of my heart. I came because I was worried about you. It was driving me crazy thinking about how you were. I had to make sure with my own two eyes that you were okay. I’ve known you for what, a week? And even then, drove all the way across Kansas to just see you! And you think you overstepped boundaries?”

“As wrong as it sounds, I was really glad to see you. I don’t regret a minute of having you next to me. I think it kept me standing throughout the dinner,” you said in a low voice, not meeting his eyes. “The next day a few women brought casseroles over and they asked about you. I didn’t know what to tell them.”

“Not that you needed to tell them anything, because it was none of their business,” Sam said through gritted teeth, “But aren’t we, at least, friends?”

At least. 

People didn’t want to kiss their friends, and you wanted to kiss Sam. Very Much.

“Thank you for being there, Sam,” you said, instead of replying to the question. “It meant a lot to me. It still means a lot to me.”

“What’re you going to do now?”

You shrugged. “Hope for an acceptance and then apply for a student loan. Then I can get out of Ellen’s hair.”

Sam braced himself against the smooth grass with his other hand- the one not laying over yours- resting it behind his back. This way, his torso stretched out, his t-shirt hitching up just a bit to reveal his belt. You tried your best not to look. 

“You know Ellen and Jo don’t think like that,” Sam reasoned. “Jo was so worried about you. She still is.”

You sighed. “I know she is. This isn’t them. I’m just not comfortable. I just miss Gran so much, and I hate that I wasn’t there for her. I know I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. It was a stroke and it was instantaneous, but I just can’t help feeling guilty… like if I had been there, I could have stopped it somehow. “

Sam didn’t say anything to contradict your words, didn’t try to oppose you in any way or tell you how you shouldn’t be feeling this way. He knew that one couldn’t control the way they felt. He simply put his hand on your shoulder, something he had done a lot that other evening. It was comforting and more familiar than it should have been. Your body simply accepted his touch now. 

“She left the house to my name, or so a lawyer told me. He said I should sell it and use the money for college. I don’t want to sell it like it was a shack that didn’t mean anything to anyone. I want to keep it and turn it into a bakery one day, so someone who loves baking as much as Gran did can run it one day.”

You didn’t understand why you were telling him any of this. Maybe because you knew Sam wouldn’t preach or discredit any of your words. He simply listened. Listened and understood, not just what was spoken but also that which was left unsaid. He stroked the back of your hand with his thumb, the feel of his skin on yours felt calming.

“So what did you bet on?” You said after several moments of silence, raising the muffin from hell and waving it in front of him.

“That the ducks would eat it.” His mouth quirked up. “I don’t have high hopes, though.”

“We should at least try,” you suggested. “Ducks are vicious creatures. They just might eat it.”

The ducks did not eat it.

You tried throwing small pieces into the little pond in the park, and Sam tried chasing them much to your entertainment, but the ducks were smarter than you gave them the credit for.

“Blood fiends,” you glared as a couple of them flew off. 

“You don’t like ducks?” He asked, amused.

“I was 6 when a duck attacked me. They are monsters.”

Sam laughed as the two of you made your way to the bench in the park. It was the same bench where he had taken you the first time you had met him. You could see the bar across the shrubbery in the distance. 

When you looked back at Sam, his cheeks were slightly pink and so were the tips of his ears.

“Hey,” he said, his hand tucking his hair behind his ear. “Do you want to go out for dinner sometime?”

“Like a date?” You asked, surprised.

He licked his lips. “Yeah. Like a date.”

Sam was clearly nervous about this, absurdly more than you were. “That sounds nice,” you said.

“How about Saturday?” He asked, then laughed a short laugh. “I mean. I would have wanted to go sooner but I’m flying out of town.”

“It sounds great.”

Then he said those words that made your heart melt. “Y/N, I can’t wait for Saturday.”

**************************

“Damn, woman! You can bake.” Meg came hovering out of her room still in her pajamas. “This is what heaven smells like.”

You smiled at her over the fresh batch of cookies you had pulled out of the oven.

“Y/N! It smells like a Bakery in there. What are you doing?” 

It was Kevin, shouting from the balcony. 

“Come out here!” He yelled, and Meg opened the glass doors of the balcony wide.

“In a minute!” You shouted back, replacing the tray with a new one in the oven and adjusting the dials. 

Both Jack and Kevin were in the window, looking like they had just woken up. Even the undergrads seemed to be out on their balconies downstairs. You could hear the muttering.

“I’m baking cookies for everyone,” you announced, leaning against the railing.

“And by everyone, you mean...?” Asked Meg.

“Just everyone,” you waved your hand vaguely. “So far there’s 138 and counting. I’ve been up since six.”

“You’re mental,” said Meg. 

“Those cookies were just for me!” Said Jack at the same time as her.

Pam, who was just entering the apartment from what must have been a night shift at the bar looked up at the assembled crowd. 

“What the hell?” She shouted. “Y’all are really this jobless first thing in the morning, huh?” Then she paused to sniff. “What’s that wonderful smell?”

“Y/N’s baking cookies for everyone.” Kevin was kind enough to provide her with an answer.

“Don’t you have better things to do than feed these idiots?” 

You grinned down at her. “There’s a whole batch for you.”

“Well, God bless your soul, you sweet child,” she said and disappeared under the awning.

You were sure to pack some cookies with you while leaving for the first day of your job. 

The Robert Crown Law library was starting to feel homely enough by this point, thanks to having spent so much of last week there for the Civil Procedure assignment. The Librarian on duty was supposed to overlap her shift with you for today and tomorrow, so you could be trained. Molly was sweet and really helpful. The library was fairly empty today. It was easier for her to run you through the bookshelves and their arrangement, the basics of handling the data centre and the ultra-systematic cataloging. Molly insisted that she take the desk duty for the day while you familiarized yourself with everything. Back when you had worked as the library assistant in TU, you had always considered yourself to be lucky to get paid for spending time amidst so many books. That hadn’t changed.

“We’re really lucky with the Law library,” said Molly. “The other libraries are a mess, especially the big ones. People keep calling there all the time, and even visitors are allowed without appointments. Law library only gets our usual crowd and very few people are a particular pain in the ass.”

Molly was a final year student. She had taken a break after her second year to backpack across Europe. Apparently she really didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever about her career. Whatever the case was, she was super chill.

“These cookies kick ass, by the way,” she hummed after taking a bite out of the one that you had offered. You smiled and bent down to retrieve the tags.

“How’s it going, Molly?” 

You stilled. 

“Sam!” You heard Molly squeal. “You’re back again? Spending an awful lot of time here these days, aren’t you?”

“Oh, it’s the loneliness,” he said in a mocking voice.

“Y/N, What’re you doing down there. Get up,” Molly called.

Slowly you got to your feet. 

Sam straightened like a rod at the sight of you. He was wearing flannel today over a pair of jeans, which shocked you because you were so not used to seeing him in anything except suits. It made him look so young. Not like your Sam, or the professor you distanced yourself from, but painfully somewhere in between.

“Sam, this is Y/N. She’s the new odd-shifts librarian,” Molly introduced cheerfully. “Y/N, this is Sam Winchester. Does he teach you?”

She turned to Sam. “Do you teach her?”

“Uhh-”

“Oh, of course you don’t remember her name, even if you do teach her. It’s been like two weeks,” she prattled on. “Do you take a class for the first year?”

“Civil procedure,” he said curtly, not sparing you a single glance. Then he spoke to Molly. “Can you grab that book I was reading yesterday? I think I asked you to keep that one aside.”

“Sure. Here,” She handed him a Code violation handbook from under the table. He promptly turned away from the table, heading straight for a bench that did not have a view of the Librarian’s desk.

It hurt. It hurt like a whiplash each time he ignored you. Pretended that you didn’t exist. And it sucked that you couldn’t even blame him for it.

“Isn’t he amazing?” Molly sighed after Sam.

“Sure,” you muttered, going back to retrieving the cards.

“It’s not unusual for professors to be here, but Sam’s been spending an awful lot of time in the library since the past few weeks. I wonder what’s up.”

You avoided the whole section of the library where Sam sat, sticking to the computers and going through the database cataloging. It wasn’t long before Sam was back at the table. 

“Actually, can I take this book to go?” He asked.

“Leaving already?” You heard the thrumming of keys as Molly entered the book’s name in the directory of issued books.

You did not turn around to peep, and the desk was almost out of earshot anyway.

“That’s it, then?”

“Thanks, Molly.”

“Hey, you want to grab a cookie before you leave?”

“Sure!” 

You heard the crumbling sound of the wrappers and then a crunch.

There was a pause. In an almost imperceptible voice, so low that you had to strain your ears to hear it, Sam said, “Tell her these are lovely.”

Blood rushed to your ears, and you did not hear the rest of the interaction. You didn’t even go back to the desk again till the end of the shift. By the time you returned, all the cookies were gone and Molly was humming to herself softly, completely having forgotten about passing on the compliment. She waved at you as you left for the day and you waved back absentmindedly.

Tell her these are lovely.

He knew. He just knew.

*******************************

A/N 2: Last slow chapter!!! Yay. Things start escalating pretty quickly after the next chapter. No playing footsie. ;) 

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[earlysunsetsoverambrose]

Operation Sweet Surprise (3/3)

Lester Sinclair x f!Reader (Romantic or Platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, Blood 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! It really means a lot whenever you guys take the time to tell me you like these stories! I truly appreciate it and I hope you enjoy this final chapter!  

Back at Lester’s cabin, you two were having the time of your lives and making quite the mess. You managed to get the cake in the oven and were now working on the pie. Lester had somehow managed to get egg on his hat and flour all over his face while you had dried batter on one of your arms a stain on your pants from spilling vanilla extract. You found what Lester lacked in grace, he made up for with enthusiasm. He followed your instructions to the letter, with minor hiccups, trying his best to make you proud. He was a great assistant.

“Alright, what’s next, boss?” Lester asked

“We need to peel and slice up these apples.” You said as you handed over an apple.

“Yes, ma’am!” Lester said, whipping out a clean knife and getting to work. You both began working in comfortable, silent concentration. The sweet smell of cake soon began filling Lester’s small cabin. You should have known better than to look away from your hands, but you were only glancing at the recipe for one moment. Of course, in that short second you managed to slice the side of your finger. You hastily dropped the knife and squeezed your hand.

“Shit!” you hissed as you stepped away from the counter to avoid getting blood near the food.

“What’s wrong?” Lester said, alarmed at your sound of distress

“Nothing, I just cut myself because I wasn’t looking at what I was doing. Stupid mistake.” You said with a sigh of frustration.

“Let me see.” He said, abandoning his own apple and knife to examine your injury.

“It’s just a small cut, I’ll clean it up before I keep working.” You said, trying not to get worked up at the amount of blood dripping from your hand.

“Nope, you stand over the sink and I’ll get it cleaned up.” Lester said, digging through his drawers until he found a small first aid kit. He came back to stand next to you and started the faucet, “Let’s see what we got.” The blood cleared from around your cut and it wasn’t too bad, “Good, ya don’t need stitches!”

“No way. Call it. I’m knocking on death’s door.” You said with a hint of sarcasm, dramatically throwing your head back.

“Hey, this is some real ER shit I’m ‘bout to do. Hold still!” Lester joked back as he uncapped a bottle of alcohol.

“Tell Bo and Vincent, not to touch my stuff when I’m dead.” You quipped.

“This is gonna sting.” Lester said swiftly as he doused your finger before you could process his words.

“Ouch! It stings!” you winced despite being warned of that exact sensation.

“Well, I said it was gonna sting, silly.” Lester laughed at your expense, pulling out some gauze.

“Are you taking joy in my pain?” you joked as he wrapped your finger tight.

“Naw, I’m laughing with ya! Ain’t it obvious?” Lester insisted as he taped off the bandage, “There! Snug as a bug.”  

“What the prognosis, doc? Am I gonna make it?” you asked, carefully clinging to your newly wrapped finger.

“Well, it don’t seem like we have to take ya out to pasture quite yet.” Lester said with finger on his chin, like he was really considering his words.

“What?!” you squeaked out through your laughter. You two broke out into hysterics before you could continue your game of doctor/patient roleplay. When you finally caught your breath, you wiped away the tears in your eyes, “Thanks again, Lester. I can always rely on you.”

“Sure thing.” Lester said as he packed up his first aid kit.

“You really are the best, you know.” You said fondly, “You’re definitely my favorite. Just don’t tell your brothers.”

“Aw, shucks, Y/N.” Lester stuttered as he rubbed as the back of his neck, turning away to put the kit back. You could still see his ears burning from behind him, “You don’t gotta say that.”

“It’s the truth! And don’t you forget, okay!” you said, turning him to face you. You quickly place a light kiss on his cheek. He went bright red as his hand shot up to touch where your lips had just been, a dopey grin plastered on his face. You giggled at his flustered expression before clapping your hands together, “Okay! No more time to waste! How about I leave the rest of the knifework to you, and I’ll focus on the glaze?”

“U-uh, s-sounds like a plan!” Lester stuttered, dreamily returning to his station.

The kitchen was once again filled with the sound of spirited chatter among the delightful, sweet smell of homemade baked goods, made with love and laughter.

Lester drove you and the treats back to the house. You took care to hold the goods steady so they made it in one piece. They looked incredible. They weren’t picture perfect, but they were clearly done with care and they tasted great; if the crumbs were any evidence. The frosting was mostly even and the pie was a beautiful golden brown. You couldn’t wait to see the twins’ faces when they saw their surprise. You only hoped they enjoyed it.

When Lester pulled up in front of the house, you were relieved to see that Bo’s truck wasn’t there, meaning he was still out. You left the treats with Lester while you went inside to make sure no one was home. The lights were still out, so all systems were a go. You went back out and rushed to the truck, giving Lester a thumbs up. He took the pie, while you retrieved the cake. You both made your way to the kitchen and set the treats on the table next to each other. Lester cleared out the kitchen a little, wiping down the counter and piling the dishes in the sink. It wasn’t clean, per se, but it was as clean as it got in the Sinclair home. You took out two small candles from the drawer and stuck them in the center of each dessert. If there was one thing there was never shortage of, it was candles. Now, all that was left to do was wait for Bo and Vincent to come home. It was just after six, so they’d be back up for dinner soon. You and Lester sat at the table, across from one another, in the dark with anticipation.

“Thanks again for all your help today, Lester. I promise to pay you back.” You said, truly grateful for everything Lester had done for you even before today.

“Don’t think twice ‘bout it! I had a good time with ya, Y/N. Been a long time since I had that much fun. Maybe the most fun in my life.” Lester said looking between the treats and you.

“Me too.” You agreed.

“Matter of fact…uh, I was meanin’ to ask…” Lester started.

“Uh huh?” You encouraged him to go on.

“Well…if it ain’t too much trouble…would ya do somethin’ like this for my birthday?” Lester asked bashfully. Your heart soared as you beamed at him.

“I would love to do that for you! March 31st, right?” you confirmed eagerly

“You remembered.” Lester said quietly, floored that you knew the exact date.

“Course I did! I just wish I’d been around early enough to celebrate it with you this year. Now I’ve got to wait.”

“Thanks, Y/N. And it don’t have to be a surprise or nothin’. Actually, I was kinda hopin’ I could help ya out again. This was so much fun; I figure that’s what I wanna do for my birthday.” Lester said bouncing with excitement.

“That sounds wonderful, Lester! Let’s do it!” you said matching his energy, “And you know, why wait until then? This doesn’t have to be a ‘special occasions’ only thing. We should just bake or cook together whenever we’ve got the time. It was too much fun doing this with you to wait so long to it again. We could even try some new stuff together or teach each other things we already know!”

“I’m all for that, but I’m not sure I got much to teach ya.” Lester said, scratching his head for ideas.

“Um, hello! There are so many things you could teach me! I don’t know anything about cooking deer meat and I’m still a beginner at identifying animal skulls! And I know you’re incredible at wood carving. I saw those little figurines you had in your cabin and you’re going to teach me how to make some!” You gassed him up, “You’re so smart, Lester. You have so much to show me.” It was hard to tell in the dark, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glint of a tear in Lester’s eyes. After a short silence, he finally spoke again.

“Ya sure you’re ready for more knives?” Lester teased

“…We’ll work up to it.” You muttered.

Just then, the sound of the front door opening, stopped your conversation. You heard Bo mumbling something while Vincent’s footsteps fell behind him. You quickly struck a match and lit the two candles.

“What the fuck?” Bo huffed. He flipped on the lights to see you and Lester smiling like idiots with a cake and pie on the table.

“Surprise!” you both shouted at the top of your lungs, “Happy Birthday, Bo and Vincent!”

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” Bo asked with a roll of his eyes as he swiped a hand across his face. Vincent peeked from behind his brother, his one blue eye wide with shock.

“No, we’re not kidding, Bo! Now sit your ass down and eat your pie!” you said as you stood to pull both of them toward the table. Lester got up so the twins could sit at the table by their respective dessert, “I know neither of you care very much about your birthday, but I wanted to do something special to celebrate. So, humor me, okay! Lester and I slaved over a hot stove to make these for you.” Vincent looked at the cake you made and back up to you, pointing at himself as though asking it was really for him, “Just for you Vincent! I know that’s your favorite.”

“You did all this shit? Just ‘cuz it’s our birthday?” Bo asked, not taking his eyes off of the pie in front of him. It was like he was afraid to touch it; scared it might bite him. You slapped his shoulder,

“Yeah. You both deserve to be celebrated.” You told him sweetly. He might not take your gesture without being sarcastic about it, but you could tell he appreciated it, “Now make a wish and blow out the candles before they get all over the place.” Bo snorted and rolled his eyes again, but heeded your orders for once. Vincent lifted up the bottom of his mask to do the same before placing it back.

“She even sacrificed her flesh to do all this.” Lester said, gesturing to your injured finger as he took the candles out.

“A worthy cause if ever there was one.” You said looking at perfect patch job Lester had done. The twins were still stunned and neither moved to dig into their sweets. “I know they’re very beautiful to look at, but don’t just stare at them. Take a slice.” You and Lester cut into the desserts and served up the slices to the birthday boys, “I hope they turned out alright, I’ve never baked either of these before.”

“Holy shit.” Bo muttered through his first bite of pie. After his first bite of cake, Vincent’s eye widened even more if that was possible. He dug into his slice with reckless abandon. Bo looked back up at you, “You made this?”

“Sure did, and I couldn’t have don’t it without Lester’s help.” You said smiling back at the youngest Sinclair.

“No way that smelly bastard has anythin’ to do with this.” Bo said shoving the pie into his mouth full speed ahead.

“Hey!” Lester protested

“Without Lester, none of this would be possible, so be nice.” You ordered.

“How did ya know I like apple pie? Pretty sure I never told ya that?” Bo asked ignoring your previous statement entirely.

“You didn’t, pretty pointedly might I add. I figured it out, though. I’m just that good.” You said with a smirk.

“I guess I’ll give ya that.” Bo admitted to your surprise. You couldn’t stop your smirk from turning into a full-on smile. The look of delight in both Bo and Vincent’s eyes were enough to make all your hard work worth it. It all paid off and Operation Sweet Surprise was a success.

“Thank you…means a lot.” Vincent rasped out, looking up at you from his cake. You were practically floating on air at his words. Vincent almost never spoke to you, much less looked in your general direction.

“You are so welcome, Vincent! I’m glad you like it!” you replied

“Can I get a piece of that pie, Bo?” Lester asked reaching for the pan. Bo smacked his youngest brother’s hand away.

“Fuck off and keep your grubby mitts off my pie.” Bo said, moving the dish out of Lester’s reach, “Go bother Vincent and his giant fuckin’ cake.” At that, Vincent shook his head and pulled his cake toward him in a protective hold.

“C’mon, I helped make it! Like Y/N said!” Lester complained, starting a shoving match with Bo, barely making an impact.

“Bullshit.” Bo said simply, easily holding Lester at bay with one arm.

“Hey, I said what I said. You have that pie because of me AND Lester. Now be nice to your brother and share. There’s plenty more pies where that came from. All you’ve got to do is ask.” You said sternly. Bo rolled his eyes and relented,

“Fine, you can have a small piece. Small.” Bo said huffily.

“Yes!” Lester celebrated as he took a slice and enjoyed the fruits of your labor, “Gee, he wasn’t kiddin’, Y/N. This is incredible. Can’t believe we made this.”

“I still don’t buy it.” Bo chimed in.

“Believe it, Beauregard.” You quipped. Lester moved to stand next to you and held his fork out to you.

“Ya gotta have some!” he said poking the bite of pie at your lips. You chuckled as you indulged him, taking the fork into your mouth.

“God, that’s good.” You agreed, savoring the delicate sweetness.

“Course it is! We make a good team, Y/N!” Lester added shooting his toothy grin back at you.

“We’re a great team, Lester. And I can’t wait to see what else we can do together.” You agreed adoringly as you took in the scene before you. It was a perfect place in time: Bo and Vincent hurtling toward a sugar rush with Lester thrilled just to be sharing his slice with you. Everyone was taken care of and content, if only just for this moment. Cake and pies be damned, this was by far the sweetest thing about today.