#did we mention that we live here now''
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Do you ever think about how extremely fucking metal the entire concept of the Kryn Dynasty is
#Critical Role#the Kryn Dynasty#these bitches clawed their way out of the Underdark and into a post-apocalyptic wasteland and went#''yeah it's a fixer-upper but we live here now#oh the Betrayer Gods' seat of power is still fountaining demons like pus out of bacne?#too bad#those abyssal fuckfaces had better strap in because we're coming for them#did we mention that we live here now''
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for some reason i can't explain i know saint peter won't call my name
nothing that lives, lives forever - an immortal soldier!alton more au
(1.1k of snippets from my old guard(ish) au where alton more is old, too old, and has been living and fighting far longer than anyone should. full description/other thoughts at the bottom. tw: blood, violence, mentions of death)
Alton clicked the lighter closed, running a thumb over the silver case. The night was warm, sticky in a way that he never could get used to. He sucked in a breath from the cheap cigarette, letting his head fall back against the rough side of the barracks.
It was quiet. Typically, there would be no end to the commotion coming from the small building, one of many that littered Camp Toccoa. The wall of sound was ever-present, no matter if it was shouting or laughing or snoring. But whatever the cause, there was always noise.
No matter if it was a blanket of noise he knew well, unchanging except for the language and the scenery. Soldiers are soldiers, and some things are a constant. It could almost be comforting, if it didn’t also mean that the need for soldiers was a constant as well.
However, tonight was a Saturday, and it was one of the few weekends that Sobel had allowed Easy the use of their weekend passes. Almost every man in the company had jumped at the chance to get off base, to travel home if they could and spend time with loved ones. The ones with farther-flung hometowns had spirited off to Atlanta, happy to spend their time drinking and dancing and fucking instead of slogging through another run, three miles up, three miles down.
Normally, Alton would have joined them in their carousing - it was easier to pass the time with the effortless camaraderie built during a training camp than bored and alone.
But today had been a bad day. The sound of swords and the shift of sand beneath his feet followed him out of his nightmares, the humid summer of Georgia morphing itself into the baking, dry heat of the desert.
His shouts must have been real, because when a hand came to shake him out of his dream, the first face he saw was not that of a grouchy NCO, but of a blood-caked Saracen, eyes alight with righteous fury.
Alton didn’t think. He had grabbed the knife from under his pillow, an old thing that had been sharpened more times than he could begin to count, and was on the man in less than a breath, pressing the blade into the side of his neck. The familiar thrum of blood beat against his fingertips, the grit of sand scratched his gums. He knew what he had to do, had done it a thousand times, a thousand thousand times, what was a little more bloodshed spilled across his feet-
Alton had blinked, and came to himself in a rush.
Instead of an unnamed Saracen, the ashen face of Johnny Martin stared up at him, eyes wide behind the knife.
Alton drew back his hand, retreating almost as quick as he had lunged earlier. He mumbled a quick curse and apology as he stepped out of arm’s reach from the man. It wasn’t until Martin’s eyes widened even farther that Alton realized his tongue was slipping out Arabic of all things.
Usually, Alton was better about remembering himself, who he was almost as important as where he was. But for whatever reason, his demons had decided to catch up with him that night.
After a quick smile and some quip about the Krauts in his dreams, he managed to wave an only-slightly-mollified Martin off. The shorter man apparently hadn’t forgotten it though, if his watchful eyes during chow that morning were anything to go by.
Alton was just glad that no one else was awake to see it, at least. That was the last thing he needed.
And so, instead of joining in on a weekend of broads and booze, Alton found himself waving away the invitation by an eager Smokey and bemused Alley. When the horde made their way out of the barracks, fantasizing in bawdy terms about their planned misadventures, he felt like he could breathe easy.
Fucking finally.
~~
Alton took another drag from the cigarette. He watched the smoke curl, up and up until it faded into nothing amongst the darkening sky.
The lighter was a welcome weight in his hand, grounding him to this time, this life.
The design was worn by now, details barely visible after a half century of worrying. It still managed to amaze him, sometimes, what people could do with the smallest of canvases. Alton didn’t feel the same wonder however, wasn’t as mesmerized by the beauty man could create as he once was.
But in the quiet moments, he could still appreciate the time some French craftsman took to transform a hunk of metal into a small token carried around by a dead man.
Luz had spied the lighter one weekend, and laughed at him for using something so old-fashioned. Alton just shrugged, not caring to admit that he was still getting used to having a light at his fingertips. It wasn’t all that long ago when he was still lighting a pipe with a flintlock pistol, and not so long before that when he would carry around a flint and steel.
Time was passing all the more quickly these days, technologies changing and advancing, and everyone was obsessed with needing things to be quicker, cheaper, simpler. Alton scoffed. He could hardly find it in him to care.
He glanced down at the lighter in his hand, shifting it back and forth in a practiced motion and watched as the light skittered across the sides.
It had shown flowers, once. A veritable garden of carnations, daffodils, and lilies of the valley, with leaves spilling across the front panel onto the back. They represent good fortune, he was told. Good fortune, luck, and hope.
When the merchant described it to him, eyes ablaze with a passion known only to those with wares to sell, Alton didn’t try to hide the snort that escaped his throat.
Fortune and Luck had abandoned him long ago, and hadn’t returned since waking up in a battlefield abandoned by all but the dead, sword in his chest and blood in his mouth.
And what the fuck was Alton supposed to do with hope?
It was the quote on the back that had caught his eye, all those years ago in a street market in Reims. The beveled edges had faded with time, the familiar letters Alton traced were more memory by now than any physical mark. Une vie honorable est une vie éternelle.
An honorable life is an eternal life.
Alton couldn’t help but stare at the message, both then and now. He hated that goddamn word. Immortal. Unending. Eternal.
They were such flowery words, used by people who craved what they couldn’t have, what they shouldn’t. The romanticized idea of the everlasting, the fountain of youth, the gift of life! Alton was sick of it.
This wasn’t life. He was a fucking dead man walking. And he sure as hell didn’t do anything honorable to deserve it.
months ago, while thinking about the absolute insanity of the almost...cavalier? attitude we see alton more have over the course of the series, an idea hit my brain: what if there was a reason nothing seemed to phase him - not panzers, not being a breath away from a car wreck, not bastogne, not speirs? what if this wasn't his first war? that thought spiraled me into a minor insanity that is this: my immortal soldier!alton more au, loosely inspired by the movie the old guard (2020). the idea is that, once upon a time, there was a soldier in a land many centuries ago. one day, he died in battle. and then, he woke up. and then he died. and then he woke up. over, and over. drawn to countless battles, conflicts, and wars, each one etching itself into the core of his soul. a never-ending cycle...until one sweltering summer, where he found himself at a training camp at the foot of a mountain. anyways. at some point, i plan on writing this as a full story, but that is admittedly a long ways away. however, in celebration of alton more's birthday today, i wanted to post my favorite scene that i've written for this au! it's set sometime at the beginning of the story, in the early days of camp toccoa. mostly, it's just a character study of this version of alton more. hope you enjoyed! and of course - happy birthday alton more!
(song insp.)
taglist: @sweetxvanixlla @coco-bean-1218 @bucky32557038ww2 @georgieluz @samwinchesterslostshoe @xxluckystrike @next-autopsy @ronald-speirs @land-sh @ronsparky @panzershrike-pretz @theredrenard @kyellin
#happy alton more day!#holy shit im actually posting this...i've been sitting on it for MONTHS#but YEAH its just...the gothic romanticism about the physical embodiment of war and soldiers and the concept of death you know??#what it means to feel and to live and to connect to those around you when it all feels so fleeting#fleeting not just due to the nature of war but also the nature of immortality#or something#...look i have a lot of thoughts about this story okay#it kills me#its also known in my brain as the “how immortal soldier!alton more made friends” story#because literally thats it thats the plot#OH WAIT did i forget to mention that speirs is also an immortal soldier in this story??#oh yeah thats the best fucking bit - they met like centuries and centuries ago on the wrong ends of one of the various punic wars#(where speirs was known back then as...wait for it...TERTIUS)#its good goddamn shit okay#also explains why alton is so fucking unflinching towards speirs at any given point and why they were so petty about the photo albums#ANYWAYS if anyone wants to hear more about this!! come stop on by!!!#also yes the title is a reference to the old guard#as is the reference to the siege of jerusalem which is where joe and nicky met#immortal soldier!alton more#alton more#easy company#band of brothers fic#mine#band of brothers#bofb#hbowar#em's moodboards#em writes#jesus christ i guess that's a tag now#alright here we go out into the void
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Magnificent Century Rewatch: One Picspam per Episode
Episode 17: The Double Joy
-My dear mother used to say "walk barefoot on earth and it shall take away all your troubles and sorrows, earth shall give you happiness and joy"
-Your mother spoke well, one can only find peace in earth. But I'm not sure if it is on earth or in it.
#the quote is a little bit silly but it adquires seriousness when you know everything that comes later#especially because it's hurrem's mother's quote from when she lived in ruthenia. when peace was possible. when she was going to marry leo#and had her future all planned. and there was stability#but the joke is suleyman's. after all becoming part of his family is what brings that ambiguity to the quote for hurrem's story#as it could be argued she never found true peace. at least for the most of her life#but also suleyman speaks in general terms here. so the quote can be extended to all the characters and in this episode of double joy it's#even more significant. because peace it's going to go sooner than later. and the signals of future ibratice problems are already there#and just as the birds are partly symbolic of that temporal peace and joy in love for hurrem the gifts the marriage gets are very important#as well#this episode is just gifts gifts gifts all around#suleyman's necklace for hatice has the tulips of the dynasty and it's something ibrahim himself recognizes could never give her#she says she's always going to have it w her. tho i don't remember seeing it too much in her tbh sdfy#in the other side ibrahim gets a lot of gifts. but the one that reminds him of his origin is his father's ofc. and he says he will always#have it with him as well. and later he gets suleyman's ring [i'm w haticehurrem. this totally looks like a subrahim wedding asfg]#which goes to remind us that he's now officially part of his family as well. he returned but he converted again. and THEN there's the table!#and taking away the politic alliance it could signify. it is venetian. his mother's heritage is there. in all the palace. and in the same#episode hurrem mentioned her mother's saying. the dynasty [or at least the most conservative side represented by ayse] it's unconfortable#the converts are not only winning more power and getting closer to the family. but they're also bringing their cultures & traditions to the#*ba dum tss* table#there's more to the whole return/convert and how it shows in the ibratice palace especially later w the statues but if i ever write about it#it deserves a post of its own ofc [and prolly someone that knows what they're talking about more than me lmao]#noo why did i write so much 😭 i should've done a separate post this is a mess to be under an already long picspam#anyways there's other significant gifts as the clock that musti likes or mahi's lucky charm for selim. and also the ones we already knew:#the ibratice gifts together 💝. and these contrast a lot with the rest because it's something of their own. when the couple was separated#from dynastic or even ibro's family. will they ever find peace again? we'll see it in the next episode [i'm lying]#maybe i should organize this in a post of its own#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil#mc1picspam4episode
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til that the $14,000USD HVAC system we had installed six months ago will commonly crash (in a way that you cannot diagnose from inside the house, and requiring a tech to drive here and go into the backyard to reboot it) if there's any kind of power surge on the line
which fortunately the fix is just to install a surge protector on the main line coming into the house, and that's maybe 500 bucks total for parts and labor, and then the *well known to be crappy in this part of town* power grid won't trip up this *incredibly delicate goddamn hothouse flower of a machine*
if only it had been possible for the sales guy to mention this when he and housemate were speccing everything out at our dining room table, so it could have been installed *with* the HVAC *by the electrician who was already on site turning off power to the house to install stuff anyway*
if only!!!!!! ah well I hope the company who installed and warranteed this thing enjoyed paying one of their licensed electricians triple time or whatever to drive out here on a Sunday and inform us of this (since we're in their lil care club so for us callouts are free)
#ineffablefool original post#not good omens#disclaimer!!! yes I am privileged to be able to just drop five figures on home repairs/upgrades! but#i mean#is there really an amount of privilege that makes it reasonable to sell me - a person who lives in an area with known spotty power -#an aircon and heater that will crash if given spotty power#when the fix would have been a like 3% upcharge to have a guy install a fix while he was already here shutting off my power anyway???#did i mention it took out my heater and i live in Wisconsin#(this is after we had the twice-yearly upkeep service done on it less than a week ago#and the tech for that told housemate 'the filter was filthy [shows picture he took of filthy filter on the ground] but now it's all good'#and then later that day housemate was down in the basement and saw that the tech had just put the dirty filter back in!#the clean replacement was just sitting there in its box!#like how does that count as successfully completing the job!!!#)#anyway that + watching Point Break while eating meatball subs was my day
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Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.
Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)
The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.
As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!
#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME#sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao#i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee#someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao#not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it#amazing to me#also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real#people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states#only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me#no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps#its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so#cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this#was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states#and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl#(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used#much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace#dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know#things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character#bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one#and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows#culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk#dc comics#blah#ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride#also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back#issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens#cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be
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i'm still thinking about how i woke up this morning to a white author in my goodreads inbox asking if i could beta her "pan-asian" fantasy novel. because she read my reviews of anglophone chinese fantasy novels and found them insightful. bestie why don't you take a look at your description again and tell me what you think i'd say about that.
#i literally wrote a whole review talking about how much i hated the mixing of jpn/cn/kr cultures and mythologies etc in a novel#a novel which was written by a chinese-american who lived in japan for years btw#what makes you think i'd ever like that premise by a WHITE author 😭#and i took a look at the excerpt she said and it was just pan-east asian with snippets of other asian mythologies LOL as expected#now tbf i did appreciate that she's making the effort and that she knows what xuanhuan and xianxia are. but.#she made no mention of payment :) and her previous chinese beta readers were her friends :)#so. yikes.#@ authors please don't do this when reaching out to marginalised readers for beta services we aren't here to perform free labour for you#especially if you're part of the privileged majority AND if you've never interacted with the person in question before. like this author#rui rambles
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M+R Sparks Of Hope Fanfic: “A Secret Revealed”
Based on this Headcanon/little story (don’t click if you don’t want spoilers) i made for Edge, i decided to make it into a fanfic.
Also Mario is best parental figure and no one can convince me otherwise
(not good at/use to making fanfic’s, hope you don’t hate it too much)
M+R Spoilers plus Minor Spoilers for Paper Mario: TTYD, and Luigi’s Mansion. with mentions of the Mario Movie and the second upcoming SoH DLC:
As the heroes proceed to Momma’s Windmill, their path is blocked by a Darkmess tentacle. Once Beep-o analyzed its danger level, Mario and Edge agreed to take on the enemies within it themselves. With the others wishing for their safe return, the duo alongside their spark partners (Starburst and Exosphere) jumped into the Darkmess.
It was a rough battle as the different renditions of Wildclaws nearly overwhelmed them, but the two managed to push through. With all the Magnafowl’s and Deep Freeze’s gone, the two head towards cover to catch their breath, for they couldn’t seem to find the Riptide.
“Any sign of it?” Edge asked “no, this one seems to be sneakier than the rest”, Mario said as he gripped his weapons tightly and turned to face her “keep your guard up, it’s probably trying to give us a false sense of security” Edge nodded in agreement and looked up at the two sparks that were with them “stay close” she told them.
Once they were ready, they cautiously left their cover and started to search for the riptide. They thought it would be fairly easy since their target was pretty big, but surprisingly it was a good hider, in fact it was really good at hiding that it managed to ambush Mario and Edge by revealing itself from the cover it was hiding behind once the duo were right beside it.
“LOOK OUT” Edge screamed, the two barely had time to react as the Riptide used it’s claw to break the debris it was hiding behind, with the giant pieces mainly hurtling toward Mario and Starburst. Luckily Edge managed to tackle everyone out of the way from the hurtling pieces, but let out a shriek when she felt a sharp pain in her leg.
Once on the ground, Mario immediately sat up and looked at Edge, who was laying on her stomach, struggling to get up with Exosphere looking at her with worry in his eyes.
In her perspective, she felt dizzy, her ears were ringing and her vision was starting to blur, the pain in her leg was too much to handle. She could barely make out Mario's voice asking her if she was okay.
However Mario couldn’t focus on Edge for too long as he noticed the Riptide slowly heading towards them. Mario placed a hand on Edge’s back as a way to protect her, he had to think of something fast before it was too late, he quickly scanned the area, hoping to find something that could help him while not having to leave Edge’s side. Then he found it - seeing a fully intact debris cover sitting on a cliff right above them - giving him an idea.
“STARBURST!” he called to his spark partner and waved his weapon, signalling starburst to power it up. Once he did, Mario aimed for the debris, waited for the Riptide to be above it, and fired.
Chunks of debris started raining down towards the Riptide as it was crushed underneath the huge rocks “have a taste of your own medicine” Mario thought to himself, breathing heavily.
He placed his blaster’s back in there holder’s once he knew that they were finally safe, all his focus was now turned to Edge who was now lying motionless on the ground, luckily she was still breathing. Mario saw how worried Exosphere was, and pets him as a way to reassure him. He then proceeds to place a hand on Edge’s shoulder and gently shakes her in an attempt to wake her “Edge? Are you alright? Wake up, it’s over now, we're safe.”
Edge stirs a bit and managed to open her eyes, her head wasn’t spinning anymore so she was able to see and hear clearly now. She tries to get up, but she’s only recovered enough just to move her upper body a bit, and slowly looks up to face Mario. Mario saw the look in her eyes, he could tell she was in a lot of pain. His brotherly instincts kicked in as he puts a hand on her forehand and realizes that she was running a bit of a fever, he then places both hands on her shoulders.
“Edge, you can deny this all you want, but i can tell your in a lot of pain right now, i need to check what’s wrong, i’m going to help you sit up, alright?. And don’t even think about protesting, I'm not leaving your side until I know you're okay. "Edge wanted to say that she was fine but then she remembered that she was speaking with Mario, the Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom of all people. From what she’d seen and heard throughout her journey with him and his friends, he has a huge heart of gold, he was very protective towards those he cares about - especially his brother - and whenever someone is hurt or sad, he will do what he can to make them feel better.
To think she would be one now on the receiving end of his kindness. Edge looked at Mario again, who had a very serious look in his eyes, telling her there was no point in arguing. she then turned her head to look away from Mario and swallowed her pride “alright…” she said quietly.
“Don’t be embarrassed, sometimes we all need help from others, even if you think you don’t need it” Mario reassured her, even though Edge didn’t react on the outside.
She was however reminded of how she first met Exosphere, remembering how the little spark helped treat her wounds when he found her lying unconscious. She barely managed to escape Cursa when it sent a whole army to hunt her down and kill her.
She snapped back into reality when she felt Mario carefully help turn her to a sitting position. While helping her, Mario started scanning her body, checking for any severe injuries - and much to his horror, he found the source. Mario and the two sparks starred in horror, their eyes wide open, even Edge was shocked at the sight when she stared at what they were looking at.
There was a sharp piece of cover debris piercing through Edge's left leg, explaining the extreme pain she was feeling.
Edge cursed at herself. In her mind, she was panicking, not because there was a piece of rock in her leg, but because her blood was dripping on the ground. If Mario saw it, he would put two and two together about her origin. She tried to hide some of the blood on the ground with her leg, but she knew she wouldn't be able to hide forever considering the fact that the debris piece had her blood on it too.
She looked up at Mario, who to her relief, was mainly focussed on calming Exosphere down, who was currently panicking for seeing the injury “Exo” Edge called to him in an attempt to calm him down, only to be met with the spark rushing over to her side and hugging and lightly nuzzling her neck to comfort her.
Mario on the other hand didn’t know what to do, he didn’t even realize that he was pacing left and right asking himself what he should do. Due to his Doctor history, he knows that the debris is piercing Edge’s arteries, and they don’t have anything that could safely remove it, not even their ship has any surgical tools.
He started remembering those times where either him or Luigi got badly hurt during their adventure’s, especially when they first arrived at the Mushroom Kingdom, it was rough, but if it meant saving his brother, he would do it again in a heartbeat, he still hasn’t forgiven bowser for hurting Luigi when he was in his clutches.
The mission to get to the Windmill has completely vanished from Mario’s mind as he wonders if Momma has any medical supplies that could help with an injury like this. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Edge who was observing him the whole time. He knew she wasn't going to be happy with what he’s going to say next, but what other choice did they have?
“Alright, listen” he started “The Windmill will have to wait, we need to take you back to Momma’s garage, see if she has anything that could help us with this situation” he told Edge.
Hearing this, she scowled at him “are you kidding?! We're so close to that damn propeller and you want to head back?!”
“LOOK AT YOURSELF EDGE!” Mario yelled at her “you're in no condition to fight right now. You need medical attention.”
“Screw that, if we all head back, we’ll just be an easy target for enemies, or worse, a Spark Hunter to ambush us just like how that Riptide did. Were all heading to that Windmill now” Edge then placed her hands on the base of the sharp rock “just help me pull this out an-"
Mario quickly lunged at her “NO!” he shouted as he quickly grabbed her hands and took them off the rock. Edge has never seen Mario look so terrified.
“Look at the position it’s in” Mario pointed out “these are where your arteries are, and this debris has penetrated them. If we pull it out now, we won’t be able to stop the bleeding, one wrong move and it will be your downfall”
Mario saw Edge’s eyes widen, thinking that she was now scared about pulling it out, when in reality that’s not the case. In fact she was worried because she realizes that she can’t hide her past anymore, but due to her not being a normal Rabbid, she knew it was going to happen at some point, but she never would have thought the universe would force her to bring it up when she believed it wasn’t time yet, plus she doubted that they would even believe her if she told them, and even if they did, she's pretty sure they would leave her just like her previous friends did, or worse, try to kill her like Cursa did.
She placed a hand on her head, all these thoughts started to give her a headache, much worse due to her mild fever.
“When we get back to the others, I'll have Rabbid Peach and Bowser take you back to Momma, alright?” Edge almost forgot that Mario was with her, realizing that she doesn't need to tell everyone just yet….if she just told Mario right?
But due to all the thoughts in her head, she wonders if this was even a good idea, she then looks at Exosphere (who knew about her past when they first met) who gives her a nod of agreement as if he can read her mind on what she’s thinking about.
She felt Mario carefully tucked his arm underneath her legs so he could carry her, it’s now or never.
“No,” she said sternly, causing Mario to stop what he’s doing. She placed a singular hand on the debris again “help me pull out the rock…please.”
Mario stood up in shock at her request, he told her what would happen if he did and she still wants to pull out the debris?! He's starting to think she’s becoming delusional from her fever.
“Edge, didn’t you hear me, we can’t pu-”
“TRUST ME!”
She interrupted him, leaving the plumber speechless. “I trusted you on what to do throughout our journey, even though you have been skeptical of me.” Mario's eyes widened “yeah, you think i didn’t notice? This time will you trust me when I say this” she looked determined now “pull out the debris.”
Mario didn’t know what to say, she was right after all, when him and his friends first met Edge, he didn’t really trust her, for all he could have known, she could have been a spy for the enemy - it didn’t really help when she walked up to Midnite back at the library like it was nothing - But eventually he did start to warm up to her when he saw how much of a big softie she was underneath that intimidating appearance of hers.
His mind was at war with himself, He wanted to trust her on this, but he worried if this is just a way for Edge to- he shivered at the second thought. He looked at Starburst who looked back, then the two looked at Edge, who had a look telling Mario that she was serious about this.
With one last deep breath, he reluctantly kneeled down and the two grabbed the rock together - the sparks decided to help too. Before he did, he turned to look at the Rabbid one last time.
“This is gonna hurt” he warned her, making her chuckle “like we haven't dealt with that before” Mario smirked a bit at her comment before the two gripped the rock tightly, counting to three, and pulled.
The pain was excruciating for Edge, her head was pounding, and the ringing in her ears came back, she even felt tears starting to form on her face. Despite having the urge to vomit, she swallowed the feeling and kept pulling. Luckily with the help of Mario and the sparks, the pain lasted about ten seconds before the rock was finally pulled out.
Both heroes are now lying down, breathing heavily for different reasons with the sparks floating above them, they were just glad it was finally over. Mario got up to look at the rock he was now holding, noticing the black substance smeared on it.
He was confused, looking closer, he immediately dropped it when he realized it was Darkmess, that’s impossible, the only thing he could think of was if the riptide cut it claws on the debris when it broke the rock, but that doesn't make sense, it’s claw didn’t even touch the debris, plus he did notice that no rock had Darkmess on them when they we're hurtling towards him.
The only explanation was that it would have come from…..
Edge?
Mario froze, his eyes widened in realization, he immediately looked back at Edge who was now in a sitting position, looking at her leg wound.
That was sealing up on its own, leaving a huge gash.
Mario stepped back in complete and utter disbelief, his theory was correct. while he saw regular blood on Edge’s body, the fresh blood that dripped off her leg and onto the ground converted to Darkmess, he looked over to the tears streaks on her face, only they weren't regular tears either, it was also Darkmess.
Mario couldn’t believe what he was seeing, he knew Edge wasn’t like any other Rabbids they've met, but to think that she had a connection with Cursa somehow. He should have seen this coming, with all the times she told them about the spark hunters, and the incident back at the place library, his mind constantly told him that Edge was hiding something but he didn’t want to pressure her into telling. unless it was urgent, he won’t ever do that to anyone if they weren't ready, even if they were hiding something.
But now that he is here in this situation, he has so many questions to ask now.
“Go ahead….” Edge’s voice interrupted his thoughts when he saw her now looking at him, completely exhausted “ask whatever, when your done, we’ll get out of your guys hair now, just tell the other’s that Exo and i didn’t make it, i’d rather not face them like this” she said as she used one arm to hug her legs, and the other arm holding her head, utterly tired and defeated with Exosphere laying in her hair to comfort her.
Mario was confused by what she was saying, was she really thinking that they were going to leave her behind because of something like this, he face softened at the sight of her, no one has ever seen her like this. Looking like a scared child about to receive a horrendous punishment from their parents, not to mention, the exhausted look on her face, it reminded Mario of when Luigi first rescued him from king boo, how exhausted he looked when he rushed to tightly hug him on that day.
He starts to remember people he has met throughout his adventures in a vulnerable state like Edge, she probably hates being in this state he thought. whenever he see’s someone like this, he always listens to their problems and does what he can to help them through it.
And well.....who’s to say he has stopped?
Despite wanting answers, his kindness will always get the better of him.
He walked over to Edge and carefully picked her up bridal style, being mindful of her leg. Edge flinched at his touch since she didn’t expect this at all and Exosphere flew off her head and began to follow Mario.
“what are you-” she couldn’t even finished her sentence when Mario gently placed her in front of a wall, allowing her back to rest on it “the question’s can wait”, Mario said as he pulled out some gauze and bandages from his pockets and began to wrap her leg “try not to move much”
Edge gritted her teeth at the feeling of the gauze touching her skin, but at least it wasn’t bad, she was surprised however seeing that Mario had these items “you keep bandages with you?” she asked, causing Mario to smirk at her “well when you go on constant adventures, you tend to get hurt, a lot” he chuckled “you should have seen my brother and i on our very first journey, we were an absolute mess.”
Edge was surprised at how calm Mario was in this situation, he saw the Darkmess she had within her, and yet he chose to still help her? even going as far as to tell her a bit about himself as a way to cheer her up a bit, it all felt so bizarre.
“There” Mario said as he just finished bandaging Edge’s leg “your pretty good at bandaging” she noticed “well i did a few classes on becoming a doctor when i was younger, didn’t really interest me much, but it was a big help in my life” Mario then rested his back on the wall right beside the Rabbid.
“How are you feeling, your fever’s not getting worse is it?” he said concerningly, Edge place a hand on her head “no, it finally died down. Better than before I guess, "she answered.
Mario felt something rummaging in his pocket, he looked over and see’s Starburst come out of his pocket with a Starbit in his hands, flying towards Edge and handing her the gift. Although she appreciated the gift, Edge was pretty confused as to why Starburst would give this to her.
“Have you ever tried a Starbit before?” Mario asked, she shook her head “it’s not just our little star friends that can eat them, some Lumas gave me some when i was in a tight spot trying to save peach. from what i remember, they taste a lot like honey” Edge looks back at the Starbit “go ahead, try it, i bet it’ll make that fever go away”
Looking at the Starbit she gripped in her hand, she slowly started to nibble at it. a small smile formed on her face when the flavour hit her tongue, she wasn’t sure what honey tasted like, but if this is what it meant to be, it was delicious.
Edge was still processing everything that just happen, making her start to remember that she was here all because of a near death experience, all of her memories began swirling in her head - from when she first opened her eyes seeing nothing but Cursa looking at her - to trying to escape the many enemies chasing her - to meeting Exosphere for the first time - and finally meeting Mario and the gang back at the temple.
Her smile began to frown, bringing the Starbit to her lap, and lowered her head “why?...” she said just barely enough for Mario to hear her “huh?” Mario looked at her with concern, “why are you so calm about this?” Edge looked back at him “you saw that Darkmess lives within me, you know that i’m connected to Cursa, and yet you still allow me to stay in your group….why? For all you could have known i could have been a spy”
Mario smiled at her “i thought the same thing when i first met you'' Edge was surprised at that “anyway, i always suspected that you had some kind of connection to Cursa, especially that little interaction with Midnite, and that you knew Bedrock’s name.” he then smirked “plus i’ve been through way more bizarre things on my own journeys, so with something like this is pretty much almost an everyday for me” he said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
But Edge didn’t even crack a smile, she just listened to him talking while hunched over, staring at the Starbit she was holding, rubbing it gently with her thumb. Seeing this, Mario frowned, he could tell something was on Edge’s mind.
“You could have confronted me about my relationship with Midnite while we were heading to palette prime, why didn’t you?” she asked.
“Two things: one is that despite my skepticism, i could tell where your heart was at that time, and two, i left it out because i thought you’d grow defensive if i asked about it, so when you grew agitated when Beep-o confronted you about knowing Bedrock and Midnite, well i was correct…..speaking of which”
Edge's ears perked at those words “are you okay with answering those questions i’m meaning to ask?” She took a quick glance at Mario, before looking back at the Starbit and slowly nodded her head.
Mario rested his head on the wall, stared up at the sky, and began “in Jeanie’s documentaries, Cursa’s creations were made by combining objects and Rabbid DNA, but about you, it’s clear to me that you were combined with something different just like the Spark Hunters were.”
He turned his gaze towards her “tell me Edge……are you a Spark Hunter? Edge sighed annoyingly “i was, for a while” she rested both her head and back on the wall “not just that, but i was also the leader, alongside-”
She stopped herself, being noticed by Mario
“-Someone else” she said quickly, looking at her blade (that was still on the ground where she got hurt) “when i first got my hands on my blade, i knew my mission was clear”
Despite Mario wanting to know who the other leader was, he could tell she didn’t want to talk about them, so he let it go
“What made you leave?” He asked, “Cursa gave me too much free will, I was able to think on my own and realized that what I was doing was wrong. I tried to bring the others to my side, instead it completely backfired, and when Cursa found out, it sent an army of it’s minions to kill me”
Mario eyes widened
“I barely managed to escape with my life, but at least i got to met Exo after that” she continued, placing the Starbit in her pocket as Exosphere flew close enough for Edge to pet his head “i didn’t say anything because i thought it wasn’t really important. I knew at some point I had to tell you guys, I didn't just appear out of nowhere after all. but I didn't think you’d believe me, and even if you did, you'd probably try to kill me too, so when Beep-o confronted me, I froze, unable to chose my words without it sounding suspicious.”
Mario looked horrified, she really thought they would kill her if they found out where she came from, a knot formed in his stomach as he swallowed the urge to gag at the thought, thankfully Starburst was able to comfort him.
“Sorry” Edge interrupted Mario’s thought, he looked over to the Rabbid who was just petting Exosphere. Mario’s face is saddened at her, at least he now knows how Edge feels, she literally risked her own safety by joining a group she met, thinking they were going to kill her if they found out the truth about her just to rescue sparks from Cursa.
Edge surely is such a unique Rabbid.
Mario placed a hand on Edge’s shoulder, causing her to look up at him “don’t apologize, i appreciate you telling me this, now that i know what you've been through, i understand why you never said anything” he then grabbed both her shoulders and gave them a reassuring squeeze.
“But i’m here to tell you that my group and i are NOT like Cursa, sure we’d be surprised, but we would NEVER do something like that, and i’m certain that the others would say the same thing if they were here right now.”
Edge stared at the plumber with wide eyes in utter disbelief, but judging by the look on Mario's face, he wasn’t bluffing. She smiled a little “You didn’t answer my question” she said. Mario let go of her shoulders, looking confused
“Huh?"
"Earlier, I asked that even though you now know what I am, why are you letting me stay in your group rather than casting me out?” she was right he didn’t answer that question, he looked at her with seriousness written across his face, but with a little smile to go with it
“Because i know people like you” Edge looked surprised “a friend of mine who I met many adventures ago, also had a connection to a person I had to pursue in order to save the world, her name was Vivian, and from what I remember, she was something called a shadow siren."
"How did you two meet?" Edge asked
"Well it started off a bit rocky, when I first met her, I had to fight her along with her older sisters since I was in pursuit of their queen, but the second time we met, she didn't recognize me because someone stole my body, impersonating me, but I helped her out with something important, and in exchange, she helped me get my body back. turns out I was the only person who ever showed her kindness, her sisters weren't so nice to her, probably because she was a bit "different" compared to them. Anyway, when Vivian found out I was the person she helped, she decided to came with me and the group of friends I was with at that time. despite not wanting to leave her sisters"
Edge was intrigued, she found it quite interesting that Mario met someone who was once on the villain side before her, it makes her wonder how many adventures he's really been on "where is Vivian now? She asked
"Well, after i defeated the shadow queen, she made amends with her sisters, and the three now are living at their home quietly"
Mario suddenly made a realization "now that I think about it, you two seem have something in common, maybe one day I can introduce you to her"
Edge thought about the words Mario said, Vivian made amends her sisters even after the way they treated her. This made Edge hopeful that someday she can make amends with the other spark hunters and maybe even….make amends with her-
She stopped her thought
Remembering that Mario mentioned he was with another group of friends at that time, she thought to herself, did they accepted Vivian for who she was, Edge needed to know
“Mario, you mention that you were with another group of friends at that time that isn’t ours. Tell me, did those friends of yours accept Vivian?” Mario was a bit confused about the question but he answered anyway
“Well, they were a bit unsure of her at first, but when i told them that she helped me out, they eventually warmed up to her, why do you ask?” Edge said nothing, all she did was look away gripping her arm tightly. Seeing Edge's stance, Mario realized why she asked that question “Edge?” he spoke calmly.
“Are you…..scared to tell the others?”
Edge growled to herself, she hated being scared, let alone show fear. She placed a hand on her head and sighed “more like…not ready”
She stared straight ahead with Mario listening patiently “the only reason i told you was so i wouldn’t have to face them like this, i thought maybe you could tell them….after you’d leave me behind…”
Mario’s face saddened “but since that’s not happening, i just don’t feel ready to tell anyone else yet” she chuckled emotionlessly “to think the universe decided to put me in a situation like this huh?”
Mario heard the crack in her voice, to him she looked so vulnerable as she hugged her bandaged leg while grabbing at her hair, eyes shut tightly, he could tell she was trying so hard not to cry, he thought to himself if Cursa can traumatize her like this, imagine how the other Sparks Hunters are feeling right now.
A chill ran down his spine by just thinking about it, even Bowser wouldn’t kill his minions if they screwed up, Cursa was truly ruthless.
He moved closer, shifting himself so that he’s now sitting on his knees, he gently grabbed at her arm, feeling her flinch a bit, he stroked her scarred fur with his thumb to calm her down.
“Edge…we can’t predict our outcomes, no one can, but you know what i tell my brother, whenever he gets overwhelmed” Edge looked over to Mario “i tell him to take a deep breath, and to take one step at a time. There are times where his anxiety got the better of him, so we always take it slow, and if that doesn't work, staying by his side while i lead the way helps him feel better too”
He then grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently “i want you to feel the same way, you don’t have to hide anything anymore, but if your not ready, then just go one step at a time, don’t think about it too much right now okay. you’ll know when you're ready”
Mario smiled at Edge, causing her to smile back “thanks” she said. Mario was glad that he was able to cheer Edge up a bit, but he wanted to make sure she was 100% better before they rejoined the others.
“There is one more thing I would do in order to help my brother feel better, but I would like to ask for your permission, will you be okay with it?” he said as he spread his arms open a little, letting edge know what he meant. but edge didn’t understand why he needed permission, not even his stance gave it away, she was genuinely confused.
But she trusted Mario, there was no suspicion in his voice at all “uh….sure i guess” she said with a nod.
With permission granted, Mario wrapped his arms around her. Edge tensed when Mario pulled her closer to him, at first she didn’t know what he was doing, starting to regret her decision.
It wasn’t until her body made contact with his, was when she realized what he was doing: he pulled her into a hug.
Mario felt how tense Edge was, her reaction wasn’t surprising to him, the poor Rabbid has never been hugged by anyone before (with the exception of Exosphere). though he probably should have also given her a bit more of a heads up before making his move.
“You’ll get used to it the more you spend time with us” he told her with a smile. Edge relaxed a bit now that she’s finally processed what happened, she was still unsure of the hug, but all of her negative thoughts were washed away by the sheer kindness she was receiving.
She smiled, resting her head on Mario's shoulder while gripping his arm sleeve. Mario looked up at the two sparks floating in the air, now smiling at the sight, it’s nice that Exosphere has finally calmed down as well.
“Alright” Mario said as he broke away from the hug and stood up “we stayed in here for far too long, we should head back before we get an earful"
"might be a little too late for that” Edge smirked as she stood up.
Mario rolled his eyes "yeah, just wait till you hear one of peach's lectures.” Edge raised an eyebrow "come on" Mario said as he lead the way
But as Edge walked forward to get her sword, the pain in her injured leg came back to her (luckily it wasn't as bad as it was before), she gritted her teeth and kneeled down off of it, catching Mario's attention.
"What's wrong? Are you still hurt?" He knelt down to her level looking at her leg "I'm fine, just give me a minute alright" Edge reassured him, slowly standing up again
"I thought your blood healed the injury" he said as he helped her up
"It did, but only if it's life threatening. any other normal would be ignored, anything else like arteries or severed limbs would be immediately attended to"
She sighed "if it was more serious, it would take hours to heal" she started to walk slowly, trying to ignore the pain "I'll just walk it off and it should stop hurting soon".
Mario wasn't amused with what Edge said, it reminded him of when Luigi would try to hide injuries from him, and due to him constantly seeing through his brothers lies to the point where Luigi finally stopped since he knew there was no point, Mario knew that Edge was pretending to be fine, even after their little heartfelt conversation, she was still stubborn as ever.
Edge was just about to reach for her sword, but she was caught off guard when Mario grabbed her sides and lifted her off the ground
“WHA- HEY!” she flinches, not having the time to react when the plumber manages to lift her over his head, and onto his back. Once she was adjusted onto his back, Mario reached over to grab her blade and headed to the exit.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!” Edge shouted in his ear, gripping his sleeves so she won’t fall off, not that she will since Mario has a good grip.
Mario, completely unfazed at her shouting, laughed at her reaction “do you know how many times my brother tried to walk off an injury without alerting me, guess how many times he failed hiding it” he said with a smirk
“What, i’m not hiding anything, just put me down and let me walk” Edge protested, trying to get out of Mario’s grasp.
“Yeah that’s not happening” Mario said, happy that Edge was starting to act like her old self again “your arteries may have healed, but you still have a gash that needs to be taken care of”
Even though he couldn’t see Edge roll her eyes and knock her head on his shoulder, he could tell she was clearly annoyed
“Relax” he said with a chuckle “it’s not that serious now, i’ll have Rabbid Peach heal it for ya, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time” Edge raised her head in surprise “hold on” she protested “don’t you think that would be a waste of her magic, i mean, she needs it for the battle field in case anyone needs it more than i do right?”
Mario looked over his shoulder to Edge and gave her a sad but reassuring smile “Edge, nothing can tucker her out, do know many instagram posts she makes everyday'' he said being a bit humorous “anyway, knowing her, she won’t think it’s a waste, if it meant to heal someone she cares for” Edge widened her eyes in surprise at Mario’s response
“Your one of us now Edge, your not alone anymore, everyone cares about you, you have grown on us throughout our journey together. When it’s over, you’ll come with us back to the mushroom kingdom, You’ll still have a lot to learn, along with people you’ll meet, but we're here to help you with that, and When it’s time to reveal the truth about you, they won’t judge you, i promise, your part of our group - no - your part of our little family now. I hope you can accept that, cause we're not going to be leaving your side anytime soon”
Edge huffed a laugh, but remained speechless, never in a million years would she thought she’d be surrounded by people that would take her in. From the moment she was first created, all she was ever taught was how to be a leader, how to fight, how to capture sparks, and how to be a killing machine.
Cursa made her believe that the world would be against her if she didn’t obey, so when she became self aware, she believed it for a while, until she finally realized that wasn’t the case.
She felt Exosphere nestle himself in her hair, nuzzling it in the process, a smile formed on her face, while her rebellion against Cursa started awful, she wouldn’t have met Exosphere if she didn’t, the little spark was the first to ever show her kindness, something that motivated Edge to recuse the sparks, even if she died trying.
She doesn't regret her decision, she never will, though she never expected it to lead her to where she is now.
Her body started to relax, adrenaline vanishing instantly, letting go of Mario’s sleeves and resting her chin and arms on his shoulders, it felt nice to relax and not be on guard 24/7.
Seeing how her forearms are slightly wrapped around Mario’s neck, Edge grabbed her forearm, attempting her own hug. She's not used to hugging people who are bigger than her, but it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. Closing her eyes, she muttered a small “thank you” under her breath.
Though it was just loud enough for Mario to hear, causing his smile to grow wider, what he saw today wasn’t Edge, but rather a girl full of trauma who believed that the world was after her just for deciding for herself. It reminds him of when him and Luigi first came to the mushroom kingdom, how traumatized they were when their fight with bowser was over and the brothers finally reunited, mainly because they were scared of losing each other.
If anything they could have left there and then if they wanted to, nothing was keeping them there after all. But after recovering from the whole ordeal with the help of peach and her people, they realized that they have found a family within the kingdom, they still visit their birthplace from time to time, but they truly felt like they were home.
While they still tend to be traumatized throughout their adventures, it was never as bad as their first time, but when it is, the brothers always help each other through it. They were never mostly afraid since then.
Now he will show someone who experienced something similar that she now has people she will soon consider a family, hopefully one day she can make amends with her old friends, but for now, once Cursa is defeated, they will take the time to help Edge adjust living in the mushroom kingdom just like how the brothers have.
Looking back at Edge, who clearly looked relaxed, Mario was happy with his thoughts, knowing she was in safe hands, she’ll be just fine.
As he hopped out of the Darkmess puddle - which disintegrated after they were out - he was seconds later surrounded by their friends, who were berating him with questions, he knew they weren’t going to avoid the lectures.
Edge wasn’t really paying attention to the other’s voices, but she could tell how worried they were. Mario was right, she did have a lot more to learn, but perhaps maybe she can start by getting used to this new family she now has.
#super mario bros#mario rabbids#mario rabbids sparks of hope#mario + rabbids#Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope#rabbids#fanfiction#did i ever mention how much i love found family#assuming that the dlc rabbid is edge's older sister#i like to think that mario would fill that role as older sibling for edge#also i am disappointed that there's barely any fanfic's of edge trying to adjust living in the mushroom kingdom#can you imagine what her interactions would be with other mario character's#like daisy yoshi rabbid yoshi birdo vivian wario and waluigi#hell i'm sure rabbid peach would introduce edge to rabbid kong#i would love to see her interact with spawny as well#there is so many possibilities#but anyway#as i was writing this#i started remembering the mario games i've played throughout the years#and now we are here#how mario has grown over the years#i had so much nostalgia writing this#like i said my writing's not really good#hope you don't mind it too much#i'm glad i get to share this#also i've been fixating on SoH since the gameplay trailers released#that's a new record#anyway#IF YOU TAG THIS AS SHIP I WILL DESTROY YOU
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*sigh*
#i have no one but myself to blame tbh#i knew that playing a combat strategy game on the highest difficulty with my partner who rages at everything that goes wrong was a bad idea#and yet here we are. i wonder if things would go different had i told him it wouldn't be pleasant#oh wait i did warn him and i wasn't heard at all hahaha silly me how dare you know more than him you stupid stupid girl#i thought i would enjoy sharing my fav game with him but all ive got was screams and rage at the computer#i wonder if this is one of the ways i can guess how our future together is gonna be#with him screaming at his games like a manchild and myself in a separate room ignoring his tantrums and doing my stuff#oh yeah because he wants to get back home from work and just play videogames and live from takeout food lol not one mention of cleaning lol#anyway tomorrow we set boundaries and pray for the best to happen#i usually wonder why im always tired and drained and without energy and will to do anything i like. now i think i know why#much to think about
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Song of the Day: June 10
“Cowboy in the Jungle” by Jimmy Buffett
#song of the day#we walked around campus today so Lily could see the sights#she's thinking to come here for college! to live with us!! a somewhat fraught plan as Mom doesn't exactly approve but I sure do!!!!!!!#the Alexis Agenda: All Siblings All The Time#anyhow I love this song and Lily and I sang it earlier and it was lovely#'there's a cowboy in the jungle / and he looks so out of place#with his shrimpskin boots and his cheap cheroots / and his skin as white as paste#headed south to Paraguay / where the gauchos sing and shout / now he's stuck in Porto Bello / since his money all ran out#so he hangs out with the sailors / night and day they're raisin' hell#and his original destination / just another story that he loves to tell'#I do enjoy the mention of the shrimpskin boots#apparently Jimmy Buffett really did wear some hideous pink fake leather boots for I think a Mardi Gras thing? or some other big event?#less sure about that part but they definitely show up in a dream sequence in one of his short-story compilations#apparently Jimmy Buffett was just a little bit haunted by recurring thoughts of weird pink boots! I'm not really that surprised
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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Best 4 hours of my life, with the loml ♡
#googie 🐰#i know i always say this but i can never really explain the way i feel about him </3 it’s so hard to put into words#i feel so complete now god i love him so much 🥺!! even that is an understatement 😔#i think it was like? 10:30 pm when i saw the weverse notif... and now it’s past 3 am jdghbcbn#i felt so many emotions throughout everything (the wv live; the ig live; and then wv live again) but god.#i’m just way too happy that i got to see him again 🥺; i missed him a lot!#crazy how just yesterday afternoon i teared up watching a reel on ig about missing him </3 and then 6 hours later!!! he shows up 💖#lol and i had so many mini breakdowns bc of him 😭 he’s a flirt FLIRT huh 😔✋🏼! WHAT ABOUT MY WEAK LITTLE HEART SIR???#i really have no defence when it comes to jk </33... sigh. but he sang sooooo many songs 🥰🥰#including txt! svt! nwjns! i’m one happy bitch 🤩☝🏼#what a great day to be alive honestly! just hope that he gets some rest bc goddamn it’s nearly 7 am at sk now 💀#oh and!!!! WE GOT TO SEE BAM MY BABY AFTER SO LONG IM SQUEALING THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG#HOW DID I ALMOST FORGET TO MENTION THAT LIKE WHAT#it was such a bonus to see tae too 🤭#!!! i’m just really happy#i’ll add more tags later... i just want to fall asleep now bc my eyes literally can’t anymore lol#anyway... ik i’m being very delulu here but like. sorry if it bothers you; i’m like this. 🤡#will always be jeon jungkook’s bitch <3#bye bye ~ my eyes hurt 🙁#see you guys tomorrow and i love jungkook 😆... and y’all too <3
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“it’s important to keep your priorities straight” >pans over to kaveh scratching his head in the other room
yeah babe good thing your priorities are straight cause you sure aren’t
#listen hoyo queerbaits a lot but this is. something.#alhaitham#kaveh#genshin#kaveh freaking out bc 'we WERE friends have you told anyone i live here no one can know i live here'#'did i mention we WERE friends but now we're something else'#gayge
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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better#so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how#as a woman#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome
#today is our last day having a deck and i genuinely feel sick to my stomach over it. ik it’s just a piece of wood and it’s falling apart but#omg like… o ur house is about to not be our house anymore. like the deck is where me and my siblings played w our best friends it’s where i#paced back and forth to get fresh air so many times ater losing my shit during lockdown and it’s literally about to be gone…. forever? ok!!!#and then the kitchen is going to go and im going to lose it genuinely. like this house is shitty and rotting and falling apart and its great#that we are getting a renovation finally but jesus christ i have lived here all my life and yeah i hate the kitchen but it’s home and you’re#just gonna tear it down and make jt 3x bigger like it’s nothing??? ok 😂😂😂😂😂😂#purrs#literally im getting war flashbacks to losing the van which was never gonna drive again but it was my SPACE for all of lockdown and#it got fucking junked after being my sanctuary (as unpleasant as it was) for like 2 years not to mention OUR CAR that we did everything in a#and now we have my grandparents car and there isn’t a backseat so i don’t get room to breathe when they drive. and also my grandparents#house has officially been demolished to make way for a fucking mansion and the near total renovation of my high school is almost done which#means the classroom where i became a human being is gone and the office is going to get destroyed too when that renovation happens and we’ll#have to go make a home somewhere else. i know this kind of thing happens but it makes me want to start screaming. like yeah these#renovations will make life better for everyone (except the fucking mansion it’s bc my grandparents died and the developers are selfish and#cruel lol!!!!!) but the way so many of the spaces that have been important to me keep ending up getting destroyed after im done w them. it’s#comforting in a way bc it’s like oh no one else gets to have it be important but also no that ISNT comforting i want those spaces to keep#being sacred i want them to mean something to other people and i want to be able to go back and soak in the memories again. and everyone is#mad at me for freaking out the renovation but it’s like ok you come into our living space you destroy core parts of my childhood and also#create a situation where we literally can’t like eat or cook anything in the house for months like idk what we’re gonna do bc we don’t go#anywhere bc of covid except work for me and school for my brother so. idk. this whole thing SUCKS. i can’t believe it’s starting tomorrow#and i can’t believe the deck is about to be gone. pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain and suffering.
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Can’t this day be over already I just can’t stand seeing the date all the time and being reminded of it all again
#it keeps bringing me back to that day#I’ve been thinking about it since last night couldn’t sleep because of it#had a panic attack too which I hadn’t had in a while#so yeah I truly can’t get over it despite living like I was yk I never really talk about how I felt when it happened#nor how I feel about it now and didn’t mention it to anyone today because I didn’t want to make them sad as well#except someone did in the family gc and it also ended up pissing me off because even then they’re so annoying#and I know it’s something that happens to anyone at some point and all that and some people have it way worse than me but fuck does it still#hurt like a bitch#guess it’s yet another reason why I should go to therapy but since that’s not happening anytime soon apparently I rant about it here#I couldn’t even cry about it freely all day because it spent it with my brother and I don’t want to remind him of that either#maybe they all feel like that too inside but we don’t really talk about that#anyway!#3h23 more to go and I’ll be free (I won’t but at least I’ll have less reasons to think about it)
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