#did we just compare and contrast this in seriousness. look what you made me do anon! <3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 29 days ago

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@leoisnthere09 I decided to reply to your comment via rb since you made me realize there are a few things I forgot to mention!

Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, of course, as well as their own headcanons about what happened where we, as the audience, couldn't see the characters. For me, if something is neither overtly shown nor heavily implied via subtext, I can't view it as canon. (Which also applies to the Johnny & Robby reconciliation arc you mentioned, btw. I think they bungled this plot badly, and basically went "trust us, their relationship got better!" instead of doing the work of showing that happening.) Assuming Demetri was a good and attentive boyfriend offscreen doesn't work for me because that's a) pretty lazy writing and b) the woman of science in me just can't buy something when we're given no evidence for it. I can't believe Demetri is a good boyfriend when, working strictly off the canon text we're given, there is no definitive, undeniable proof of it, while I can name several examples that indicate the contrary.

And when you contrast him with, say, Miguel, Daniel, or Robby, who show engagement with their partner's interests and knowledge of their partners' personal lives outside of them, it's even harder for me to defend Demetri's apparent lack of interest in Yasmine's life. It's possible the showrunners THOUGHT they were portraying Demetri as a good boyfriend and didn't realize the implications of Yasmine basically losing her personhood to be a prop for him. But honestly, I'm not going to give them the benefit of the doubt for sloppy and inattentive writing when I KNOW that they can make a good mlw relationship when they actually try.

"Yasmine doesn't look like someone who would take shit from anybody, especially her boyfriend." S1 and S3 Yasmine? Yeah, absolutely. Her sense of self-worth and self-respect was maxed out basically to the point of making her a vain egomaniac. But then they did a complete 180 with her in S4, and basically removed all but the tiniest scraps of her original personality to have her primary trait be obsessing over Demetri 24/7. I think S4 and onwards, all bets are off on if this new Stepford Wifed Yasmine would retain any of her pride and dignity from earlier seasons, including regarding what treatment she does and doesn't take from her boyfriend. She is allowed a little of her personality back in S5 and S6, but even then, she feels the most like an actual person and the least like a trophy girlfriend caricature in her scenes...without Demetri. As soon as she's with him, she becomes this endlessly supportive and endlessly horny piece of arm candy with no life of her own.

When I compare S5 Yasmine with S4 and S6 Yasmine, S5 Yasmine seems the mentally healthiest. In S4 and S6, she's making her existence all about her partner, doing things like getting into his nerd stuff, hyping up his karate, and flying all the way back to the prom for him, when I seriously doubt Demetri would do the same for her. It's depressing, but I honestly think the healthy sense of self and self-value that would make S1-S3 Yasmine balk at the thought of dating Demetri were intentionally written out of her character to justify her staying with a guy who does not appear remotely interested in anything beyond Yasmine's looks and popularity. Because you're halfway right--the S1 Yasmine we initially meet WOULD demand better, and would NOT stay with someone who wasn't "all in" with her, so to speak.

Yasmine is a difficult character to analyze because she's written so inconsistently. In my original post, I kept my focus solely on Demetri, in the vibe of "if we look closely at Demetri's half of this equation, here's what I think is going on." I don't think we necessarily need to dive into Yasmine's motivations to deduce whether or not, using what we're already given, Demetri is a good boyfriend or not. However, examining Yasmine's side of the story does provide some interesting context. Because yeah, ultimately we DO have to wonder why she would stay in this kind of subpar and unequal relationship for so long.

The real answer is probably just that incredibly misogynistic writing reduced her to a periphery object in a male character's story, but Yasmine's Stepford Wifification is the canon we're given to work with, for better or for worse. In-universe, there's a few semi-plausible explanations as to what's going on.

The first explanation is just that Yasmine is a fucking moron, and is too blinded by teenage hormones and infatuation to realize her boyfriend is not that into her and isn't interested in getting to know her as a person (and, as far as I can tell, has not convinced me whatsoever that he's into women at all). She buys his paper-thin "good boyfriend" act hook, line, and sinker, and is none the wiser that her own boyfriend basically has no object permanence when it comes to her. This is semi-supported by canon, which likes to make little digs at Yasmine's intelligence, so...the writers clearly don't think much of her astuteness. There's a couple major issues with this explanation. The first is that I love women, and I like to believe we women are the proud owners of more than two brain cells at any given time XD Not that I was immune to making dogshit choices when I was subjected to Smitten Teenage Girlhood, but someone like Yasmine would know better.

Which brings me to my next point, which is that Yasmine HAS to have social smarts and some measure of emotional intelligence and manipulation skills to get her in the role of being the most popular girl in school. Hormones and infatuation could get her obsessed with Demetri for a few weeks at most, but I do not buy for a second that she'd still be in a braindead, drooling stupor over him after nearly a year of his half-assed, performative boyfriendry. It doesn't matter if Yasmine isn't book smart--a queen bee type would ABSOLUTELY be able to recognize that her boyfriend was a) revolving their relationship around him and his needs at the expense of her and her needs and b) gay. And sure, neither of these facts has been explicitly stated, so they're not canon canon. But I'd argue both are supported by the text and subtext we're given far more than the opposing alternatives. So, since I prefer to think poor Yasmine Nolastname isn't the dumbest person alive, I'm forced to examine other possibilities.

Another explanation is that Yasmine is using Demetri for reasons of her own. Perhaps, being a conventionally attractive and popular (ex popular?) blonde girl, she feels even more social pressure than Demetri to date--specifically traditional heterosexual dating. It's important to note that throughout S1, Yasmine does not have anything resembling a male love interest. The only guy she quasi-flirts with at all is Kyler, and it wouldn't make sense for them to have dated in S1. After all, if Yasmine and Kyler were on their way to becoming an item, why wouldn't Yasmine rub it in Sam's face during the scene where Sam confronts Yas and Moon in Moon's car? And before that, Sam and Kyler were dating because Yasmine set them up.

Come S3, Yasmine has lost much of her social standing, and probably doesn't need being seen as "undateable" to further decrease her popularity. She sees a safety net in Demetri--a relatively harmless, low-maintenance guy who isn't totally awful to be around and who, as @uncreativity-is-my-skill pointed out in their tags, is not going to pressure her into sex. Now she doesn't have to worry about pressure from her family or social circle to get a boyfriend, and she can go "See! See! People still want me! Even after the front wedgie!"

The reasons WHY Yasmine isn't broadly interested in dating could be similar to Demetri's--maybe she's asexual, a lesbian, or is just waiting for college to date. Ultimately it doesn't matter, though, the bottom line being that Demetri is just as much a tool to her as she is to him. In this case, her supposed obsession and fixation with him would be as much of a facade as Demetri's "good boyfriend who worships his girlfriend" act. Who knows--maybe she's outright using him to try and turn herself "normal" because, like Demetri, her disinterest in romantic relationships is seen as abnormal and potential fuel for bullies.

The third possibility--and the one that overall paints Yasmine in the best light--is that Yasmine knows Demetri needs a beard/general cover-up, and she willingly plays the part. Maybe she felt sorry for him, already being someone she viewed as low on the food chain, or maybe she developed some platonic affection for him sometime during S3. Either way, Yasmine caught onto the fact that Demetri was gay (or generally "abnormal" in a way where not wanting a girlfriend would draw attention to him), and she decides--perhaps as part of a genuine desire to be a better person after her actions in S1!--that she's going to give him one less thing to worry about. Here's this guy who, until pretty recently, was the school laughingstock, but Yasmine can see how badly he wants to be accepted by his classmates. And, considering she's been established as generally uninterested in dating for whatever reason, she loses nothing by appearing to be in a relationship with Demetri. I mean hey, it's not like any guy she actually wants is going to not pursue her because she's off the market, right? (And, of course, if she'd rather date girls or no one at all, this...isn't something she likely feels the freedom to be honest about, both with herself and with her peers.)

So Demetri gets a cool guy boost and gets to appear normal, and Yasmine's reasoning for going out of her way to do this is basically "fuck it, why not?" Think Glinda from Wicked, Cher from Clueless, and the Pink Ladies from Grease--Yasmine makes another person's "coolness makeover" her personal project that she does for funsies! Of course, stroking her own ego and feeling like she can pat herself on the back and say "wow, look what a good person I'm being!" likely plays a role as well XD And that would explain why she makes a point of saying everything Demetri wants to hear and doing what will make him look the best--she's all over his nerd shit, she acts insatiably horny for him in front of everyone, and she hypes up his karate and does a whole bit about how he's not a loser. I truly believe that in her heart of hearts, Yasmine could not give less of a fuck about nerd shit OR karate, nor is she so lacking in self-respect and common sense that she wants to publicly pork the most obviously homosexual man of all time. Nevertheless, she is on a mission to turn a loser dweeb into a shamelessly badass baller--either for her own entertainment/amusement, or just to see if she can. And this requires some light lying, as well as using the powers of emotional manipulation for good instead of evil. Perhaps Yas views Demetri as more of an accessory or a pet than a partner--he's there to make her look good ("look, I have a cool long-term boyfriend who is smart and confident and does karate! See how normal and desirable I am!") and to entertain her with his silly karate drama and nonsensical tech jargon ramblings. She has no emotional investment in any of it, of course, but it adds some spice to the bland world of high school.

We could have a mixture of the second and third explanations as well, with Yasmine needing a beard/cover of her own while also figuring she might as well provide a beard/cover to someone else who needs one. Maybe one or both of them view it as a "I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine" type of situation. Although judging by how hard both characters commit to acting out the Stereotypical Straight Couple bit in their S6 scene, I think this is more a subconscious thing than something they've ever actually discussed. In either case, Yasmine has a motivation for playing the role of the obsessively devoted girlfriend--she's either covering her own "un-teenage-girlness" of not actually WANTING to obsess over boys, or furthering her pet project of Make Demetri Popular while ensuring her test subject has reason to keep wanting to hang around her XD Perhaps both at once! A girl's gotta keep herself busy, especially when she needs it to not get out that she's a lesbian, or something else taboo.

Both the second and third explanations would give Yasmine good reason for immediately dumping Demetri after the dancing incident. In the case of using Demetri as a beard/cover up, Yasmine has to kind of re-evaluate the net gains and net losses from the situation. She decides, understandably, that the social capital gained from having a long-term boyfriend doesn't outweigh the social capital lost from being seen as a girl who would take back a cheater. If she's started to feel like she needs to stay in this relationship to preserve her social standing, Yasmine now has the perfect excuse to get out. And she takes it, because being seen as a single, boyfriendless loser with no game is preferable to being seen as a doormat who takes back cheaters. And, finally, the objectively smartest thing to do for the sake of her appearance lines up with what Yasmine actually wants.

And in the case of Yasmine willingly bearding for her friend/pathetic pet wet cat? Well, it's clear to see her services aren't needed anymore, if Demetri is beard-shopping in Barcelona! This could be seen as a betrayal ("But I was going to make you fashionable! And respectable! And you throw me away for another beard??? :(") or a relief. Perhaps an entertaining pet project isn't worth the trouble when continuing the facade of that relationship would look bad to the people around them, like Eli and Moon. Or perhaps the fun has worn off for Yasmine, but now she's in too deep in this weird little game to just cut herself loose without her social circle prying their noses into it--similar to why Demetri might feel like he can't break up with her, ironically. Yasmine is tired of this farce of a relationship, and the entertainment value and "I'm such a good person for helping him!" satisfaction she gets from Demetri no longer justifies the exhaustion of pretending to care about all the bullshit Demetri blathers about. So when the perfect excuse presents itself, Yasmine doesn't hesitate to end her bearding project. And then she goes right back to hooking up with Moon, like she was obviously doing right before Eli video called Moon akjuhkdshfuyb

Another thing worth noting here is that even though I don't buy his Straight Guy Act in the least, Demetri has been shown to be, on the large, an exceptionally good actor. Both Eli and the audience were thrown for a loop when Demetri revealed in S6 that no, actually, he wasn't totally gucci about all that fuck shit Eli did in S2 and S3, and is still dealing with lingering trauma and resentment. This surprised us because he hid his unresolved feelings so well for 2 seasons straight. We bought that he moved past it all, and so did Eli. Demetri is good at concealing his true emotions and putting on a facade when he deems it necessary. It just isn't immediately obvious because we more often see him in situations where he doesn't give a shit, and just blabs out unfiltered thoughts because he decides it's relatively harmless. But Demetri deemed it necessary to repress his feelings about Eli's S2 and S3 actions in order to not further jeopardize their friendship. He deemed it necessary to fake an obsessive straight crush on a girl he's ultimately whatever about in order to fit in. He deemed it necessary to hide his own uncomfortableness around and dislike of karate in order to support Miguel and Eli at the AVT and Valley Fest.

In the context of him and Yasmine's relationship, I think if he was uncomfortable or put off by her being overly sexual with him, he could pretty easily mask it. And he would definitely think it was necessary to do so, since it would raise questions if he didn't want this hot girl all over him. Another possibility is that he's comfortable and unbothered around Yasmine because he knows she's all bark and no bite, so to speak. The sexual flirting is probably more for show than anything--two teenagers bending over backwards to seem interested in sex because it's the "normal" thing to do. He probably knows at that point that Yasmine talks a big game because she can, but she's not going to initiate anything more than like...making out XD If that were the case, Demetri probably WOULD be pretty chill about the ass-slapping and such, despite not being attracted to her. It makes him look good and he knows by now that Yasmine's not gonna try to actually sleep with him, or anything too crazy.

I realize now that in my original post, I lowkey made the Yasmine-Demetri relationship out to be this cut-and-dried situation where Demetri is subjecting some poor girl to his deceitful wiles. I definitely should not have made it sound so one-note, because it's a lot more complicated than "Yasmine good, Demetri bad." I don't think Yasmine is some hapless victim, nor is Demetri the sole perpetrator. Really, the only situation in which Yasmine would be entirely a victim is the "Yasmine is a huge moron" scenario, which I still believe is unlikely due to Yasmine canonically having at least some social and emotional intelligence. In most other scenarios, Yasmine and Demetri are both in the wrong for not being honest with themselves and with each other about what they want, and staying in a situation that isn't really beneficial to either (in the long term, anyhow). Yasmine most likely has her own ulterior motives for going out with Demetri, and I seriously doubt she's as into him as she wants to seem. Most scenarios that account for Yasmine's cunning and people smarts indicate she's doing this as a favor to Demetri and/or she's using him for her own purposes.

So, in kind of a happy accident, I...do not think the partner directly affected by Demetri being a bad boyfriend was actually that hurt by it. Yasmine, as I see it, doesn't care that much about Demetri's bad boyfriendry because she doesn't particularly care about having any kind of boyfriend, whether she considers them "good" or "bad." She's simply arrived at the conclusion that it's a better look to have a boyfriend than not, so she picked one she viewed as too much of a weenie to push her around and who doesn't care about her enough to take up too much of her time.

However, said bad boyfriendry is still there (imo, anyways) and still worth talking about, even if Demetri was lucky enough to find a girl who doesn't give much of a crap. The fact is that in most relationships like this, especially irl, a partner who endlessly supports their SO only to never have their own life, passions, and hobbies engaged with by said SO is GOING to be hurt by it. And at the end of the day, what we see onscreen is a girl revolving her life around her boyfriend and getting 0 indication that he appreciates it enough to bother knowing her at all. What we see is Yasmine seeming to know Demetri so deeply--enough to challenge his insecurities and stick her neck out to support his passions--only for him to turn around and not return that devotion and commitment in the slightest. And honestly, I hate that this is not seen for the relationship red flag that it is.

Maybe most surprisingly in all this is that I didn't always hate Yasmine and Demetri as a ship! I thought they had an entertaining dynamic back in S3, and I could buy them having a little fling. Hell, I was even willing to entertain the idea of bisexual Demetri back then! Granted, I don't think the showrunners ever sat them up as something that would last, considering they don't really have anything in common aside from being judgmental and having gotten wedgies. But Yasmine's anger about her attraction to Demetri and Demetri's continued surprise she's talking to him at all was a funny contrast, and Yas helping him save face with the cast signing was a sweet moment.

I think what thoroughly ruined them for me in S4 was that the show took the goofy gimmick pairing too seriously, and tried to sell us on Yasmine suddenly being so obsessively committed that she would abandon her dad's wedding to go to prom with Demetri. Considering we got 0 indication of Yasmine being a closet nerd in S1 and S3 OR her being someone who felt anything but disdain for karate, they really just...had her be super into all of Demetri's shit out of left field and removed all of her own shit. They highkey had to give that girl a lobotomy to make her and Demetri work as a long-term pairing ;_____;

If the show had kept their unserious dynamic from S3, then I don't think I'd be so harsh on them. But as is, S3 yas/metri and S4 yas/metri feel like two entirely different dynamics. They rewrote an existing dynamic that actually worked okay in a really gross and harmful way, and I wish there was more acknowledgment of that when talking about these characters and this ship. Yas/metri didn't HAVE to make Yasmine a trophy girlfriend, and they could have had them go in a more fun and more believable direction. But the fact is they chose not to. I think a lot of the time, people don't differentiate between what actually happened with Yasmine and Demetri from S4 onwards, and what they wish happened. They try to project the more enjoyable S3 yas/metri onto the later seasons, and it just...doesn't work, because their relationship was basically revamped from the ground up and had all the life and fun sucked out of it. It's totally valid to miss that, but I think it's disingenuous to pretend they kept yas/metri the same vibe in later seasons when they...really, really didn't. And it's a bummer they didn't, for sure :(

On a final, lighter note, it's highkey incredibly funny to me that the current preview pic for the "cobra kai spoilers" tag is my tag screenshot from the original post. Nothing on there is a cobra kai spoiler. That is all already stuff we dun knew. The only true (recent) spoiler on there is not even correct, since I am no longer confident Yasmine actually likes bleunamis.

I was going through my blog for the past few months when SUDDENLY

Truly I love when one of my posts ages like fine wine. Gourmet cheese, even. I have never felt more validated in my entire life XD Literally the only thing that was possibly disproven here was that, as @baldwinboy5ive has pointed out, Yasmine never confirms she actually likes bleunamis and we can't say for sure that that wasn't just Demetri assuming she did ^^;

"Ohhhhh it makes no sense Demetri cheated on Yasmine! He's obsessed with her! He worships her! Like I don't even like the ship but this is how he acts in canon!" Besties how do I explain to you that Demetri is not obsessed with Yasmine, not even a little bit. He's not even obsessed with the idea of her, although he might have been at some point. He SAYS he's obsessed with Yasmine, and he clearly wants the people around him to THINK he's obsessed with Yasmine. But his actions do not remotely indicate that, and never have.

If Demetri was actually obsessed with Yasmine at any point, we would know such things as what her hobbies are, what her hopes and dreams in life are, where she wants to go to college, what kind of job she wants to have, which school subjects she's okay at and which ones she struggles with, or literally like. Anything else that makes her a person. We as the audience don't know any of these things because Demetri, who should know a good chunk of this information if not all of it, has never made a single mention of anything Yasmine-related beyond the most obvious and surface-level details.

Unfortunately, throughout S6, Demetri forgets Yasmine's existence every time she walks offscreen. And even when there would be a natural opportunity to bring her up, i.e. when the kids are talking about college, Demetri does not make a single peep about her or how she factors into his post-high-school plans. Even in S4 and S5, Demetri only brings up Yasmine's existence a couple of times (once when talking to Eli about how karate helped him land a hot girl, and once when trying to give Miguel relationship advice for his own girlfriend). Neither of these are Yasmine-specific--Demetri talks about her like she fills the "girlfriend" role in his life and has no importance in of herself. Eli should get back into karate because karate got Demetri a hot girlfriend! Demetri is justified in giving Miguel girl tips because he has a hot girlfriend! It could literally be anyone and the way Demetri treats her and talks about her wouldn't change.

Moreover, if Demetri was as obsessed with Yasmine as he claims, they would maybe have one (1) conversation that wasn't about Demetri and his shit. Their relationship is all about him, and Yasmine revolving herself around him and his needs. She cares about karate because of him! She cares about nerd shit because of him! He plans their dates and orders food he assumes she will like without her actually indicating she will! And when, pray tell, has Demetri ever embraced, asked about, or indicated even minimal knowledge of Yasmine's interests???

Not. One. Fucking. Time. He barely ever talks about her and we have no proof he knows anything about her. That is literally the farthest thing from obsession. I can tell you as an ex middle school girl who was not immune to intensive and all-consuming crushes, I could probably write biographies for all my objects of affection solely based off of info they had mentioned to me or things I found out secondhand. I retained all of it, and I fixated on it. I talked about their lives nonstop and bored the shit out of all my friends. THAT is obsession. THAT is worship.

"But he calls her queen! He calls her goddess!" These are...not uncommon pet names for people who are dating. And in any case, pet names do not mean shit. Guys will call girls "baby" or "sweetheart" or "honey" and then abuse them and treat them like garbage. If anything, lavish, extra-ass pet names like "my goddess" can actually be used as a subtle manipulation tactic. Because hey, if I'm calling you something that implies I kiss the ground you walk upon, then maybe you won't notice that I never ask a single question or remember a single thing of substance about you, right? If I TALK like you're my whole world and then some, then maybe you won't notice that I am meeting your emotional needs at all because I do not actually know or understand you at all!

Now, I don't think Demetri is truly so much of a piece of shit that he's manipulating Yasmine intentionally. I think the over-the-top pet names are just one more thing he's using to sell the image that he is a Totally Normal Guy Who Is Thrilled To Be With This Hot Girl and cover up the fact he is not actually into or interested in her at all. More on this later.

"But it's because Demetri and Yasmine barely get any screentime! Demetri hasn't brought up any details about Yasmine because it's not relevant to the story!" And let's stop to think about why that is, eh? Demetri doesn't consider his partner to be worth a mention or even a passing thought in regard to...literally everything else in his life. And in S3, S4, and S6, Demetri gets plenty of screentime to maybe like. Say one (1) substantial thing about Yasmine. And the crazy thing is that it could incorporate seamlessly into the "comic relief side guy" role they are often determined to keep Demetri in. Imagine Demetri yapping at karate practice about designer fashion or nail salons or something else Yasmine talks to him about, and Johnny overhears and is like "ha! I knew he was a weird sissyboy!"Only to find out he got into these things by proxy via his incredibly hot girlfriend. Like it would NOT be hard to use this relationship for one-off jokes that would be on-brand for this show's humor, and yet. They don't. Instead of seeming even mildly interested in his girlfriend's existence, the showrunners have Demetri make pop culture references and situational snarky comments.

Now, you're probably wondering why someone like Demetri, who usually unapologetically does what he wants and doesn't give a shit if people don't like it, would initiate and stay in a relationship that he does not actually want to be in. And the reason, to me, is simple: He wants to fit in.

Demetri, from the beginning, has struck me as someone who doesn't have much interest in girls and dating, but wants people to think he does to appear "normal." Admitting he doesn't care about something most teenage boys obsess over would instantly "other" him and make him an even bigger target for bullying, which we know he's been dealing with for some time. And then, when Miguel and Eli both show overt interest in girls and get girlfriends, the pressure only increases. At this point, he's already worried they're going to leave him behind because of karate. The last thing he needs is something to cement to the two best friends embracing traditional masculinity that he's some kind of abnormal freak, and something they need to shed so as not to ALSO be seen as freaks.

(The why of Demetri's disinterest in girls and dating is irrelevant here, but for what it's worth, I think the simplest and most straightforward answer is that he's closeted and gay. If you don't see that, however, it's also possible he's acearospec. OR he just...is not impressed by any of the people he meets as dating prospects and maybe wants to wait until college to find a more meaningful connection with someone than just "they're hot and we have spicy make-out sessions." But in the world of high school boys--especially the toxic masculinity-obsessed world of Cobra Kai--this is NOT something you can ever outright say if you want people to respect you.)

Flash forward to Demetri getting with Yasmine, and attaining the safely unattainable. What is he supposed to do here that won't expose the "otherness" he's been trying to hide all along? He still has no real interest in her--he never did, and now he has to worry that might become apparent. Even when he (presumably) gets to know her, it's clear he's not too engaged or captivated, considering how he never demonstrates knowing any more about her than he did in S1. And he can't break up with her, considering all the unwanted attention that would bring. Because WHY WHY WHY would he give up every sane, NORMAL guy's dream??? Demetri's life may be in a more stable place--Miguel and Eli are his best friends again and he has a wider friend circle on the whole--but for all he knows, the only reason he was able to achieve this kind of happiness was BECAUSE he conformed. He got a hot girlfriend--the apparent ULTIMATE mark of social status in this dudebro-run universe--and if he willingly gives that up, he could lose everything. If he admits he doesn't want a girlfriend just for "having a girlfriend's sake," maybe Miguel and Eli will reject him. Maybe the rest of his friends and support system will, too. After all, so many of the people in Demetri's network are in relationships--Sam, Miguel, Robby, Tory, Eli, Moon. Hell, even his senseis! Johnny is dating Carmen, and Daniel is happily married. Being single by choice would make Demetri the odd one out. And after the abandonment issues he developed in S2, no way in HELL is he doing anything to jeopardize his support network.

And that brings us to Barcelona. Demetri got a significant confidence boost from beating Eli in the flag fight, and is starting to realize that he's more desirable to girls than he thought. Maybe he doesn't have to settle for Yasmine as a cover-up if there are other girls out there who could fill that role. Because that is all it is--a role. We have every reason to believe Demetri doesn't value romantic entanglements with girls for their own sake; to him, they're just a tool for showing off his coolness via "look! I get bitches!" as well as a means of fitting in with his peers.

So here comes Maria, offering Demetri a chance to show off just how cool and baller he is to his peers via giving him the ultimate thing men should strive for in this universe--girl attention. Demetri doesn't need Yasmine anymore. She's thousands of miles away, and there's a girl right in front of him who will help him project the image he wants. Why should he be concerned with a girl he only ever pretended to like to maintain appearances? Hell, maybe there's even some resentment there, if Demetri legitimately felt like he couldn't break up with Yasmine without subjecting himself to social scrutiny.

Add this to Demetri's falling out with Eli, and it gives him even more motivation to dance with Maria. Note how Eli is the one initially checking out Maria--enough so that Demetri slaps him like "you have a girlfriend!" And when Maria comes over, Eli feels like he has to say no out of principle. Demetri sees an opportunity to get under Eli's skin via dancing with a girl he's attracted to, and hey--it works, doesn't it?

Worth noting that Eli is ALSO a pretty shit boyfriend who knows basically nothing about Moon, but unlike Demetri, he has a more clear-cut feeling of "I shouldn't do this because it would be wrong." Demetri, meanwhile, is either so numbed out from the guilt of using Yasmine for his image that he wouldn't have any left to feel for cheating OR he knew what he was doing from the jump, in which case...why the hell would he feel even an iota of guilt for cheating, or hesitance to do so?

I suspect it's the former, since Demetri isn't like...a sociopath. But I do think he has been using Yasmine for quite some time now, whether he actively feels bad about it or not. And that's so clearly and obviously wrong that, in Demetri's mind, it dwarfs any "wrongness" of dancing with someone else when you're technically in a relationship. So might as well have some fun and make Eli mad, right?

"But you're biased because you ship Eli and Demetri!" Bizarrely enough, a lot of the complaints about the cheating plotline are coming from...other Elimetri shippers. At first I thought it was kind of funny (like...can't we just take the win and be happy, guys? Can't we celebrate the fact we've been saying Demetri doesn't give a rat's ass about his performative het relationship, and we were proven correct?), but now it's starting to get on my nerves. I feel like a lot of people in this fandom like Demetri not for what he is, but this like...kooky goofy funny wholesome comic relief guy they've built up in their head. Or people SAY they love his Villain Arc and want him to be a horrible cunt in Part 2, and then they flip tf out and claim he's OOC when he actually DOES do morally questionable things. The Demetri fandom apparently can't handle him being flawed if it's not in like...a safe and sanitized way where he doesn't act like thaaaaaaaat much of a jerk.

And what's even MORE frustrating is the way people are spazzing out over Demetri being flawed in a way that is VERY MUCH supported by what we have seen of his character for the rest of the show. Yes, he WOULD cheat, actually! Yes, it DOES make sense for him to cheat on a woman with another woman as a closeted gay boy (or something else significantly outside the cishet norm)--he has no real investment in his romantic relationships with women! the people around him seem to indicate that "getting chicks" is the ultimate mark of prowess, badassery, and success. Demetri figures "Hey, as long as I'm doing that, it doesn't matter who the fuck the chicks actually are. I just need to meet my Normal Heterosexual Quota before I go do something I actually give a shit about, like playing Dungeon Lord."

All this can be true, by the way, without Demetri being an absolute steaming shitpile of a person. We KNOW he has redeeming traits! He's incredibly loyal to and protective of his friends, and has been especially ride-or-die for Miguel, Eli, and Sam. He loves playing the entertainer, and he clearly eats it up whenever he makes Eli or one of his other friends laugh. He's sweet and loving with his female friends like Moon and Sam (which makes it all the more apparent to me that he...doesn't really care about Yasmine tbh. He has far healthier relationships with his platonic friends than his own partner!). He found it in him to forgive his best friend for some truly heinous shit, and probably would have been content for it all to be water under the bridge if not for the college debacle. Demetri is not unilaterally a bad person because he caved to the pressure to have a girlfriend and then...dealt with it poorly when he realized he didn't actually want her. His flaws and shortcomings are what make him interesting!

So often people see him in this really black and white way that really does his character a disservice. It's always "my Demetri is the bestest kindest gentlest most caring boy in the world and would NEVER cheat!" or "Demetri is absolute TRASH because he cheated on his girlfriend even though Miguel did too and we forgave he ass, and now nothing else about him or the context he did it in matters!" It's like no one wants to engage with his complexity, or stop and put some thought into his motivations and mindset before going "IT'S BAD WRITING BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO BE A GOOD BOY AND HE'S A GOOD MORAL BOY IN MY HEAD AND THEY MADE HIM AN ASSHOLE >:(" Demetri can deeply love and fight for his platonic friends while treating the women he gets romantically involved with as interchangeable and unimportant. Both can be true. And if that makes you uncomfortable--GOOD! People are complicated, and characters that show that and force audiences to reckon with the multifaceted, messy, and often contradictory aspects of human nature are a positive thing. Especially in the age of purity culture writing characters off as The Epitome of Goodness or Pure Evil, I think approaching character analysis with nuance is more important than ever.

And finally...friends, I'm going to be so real with you for a second. I, the person behind this account, am a woman. I have dated and been in relationships with men. And frankly, it concerns me that it took cheating for a good chunk of this fandom to recognize Demetri is a shit boyfriend. And even now, with pretty infallible proof he's a bad boyfriend, I still see people in denial, saying "he wouldn't fucking do that to Yasmine! It was OOC! Why did they randomly have him decide to treat his girlfriend badly!" Ladies and gentlemen, have we been watching the same show??? He has never ever treated his girlfriend well, swinging back and forth between othering her as this larger-than-life Concept™️ and showing their relationship off like a prize. He uses her as a vessel to project what he wants onto and tell all his problems to. Just because Demetri isn't outright abusive and insulting Yasmine every 5 minutes doesn't mean he isn't toxic as hell. Their relationship has always been all about Demetri, and he only values Yasmine insofar as she can stroke his ego and fit the nebulous "dream girl" mold he's cooked up.

And I am pleading for women who like men to demand better than what Demetri Alexopoulos has to give. I mean, first of all, please get a better gaydar, because I have met an astounding number of irl gay men that remind me of that boy XD So if you meet a guy who's Demetri-coded to an above average degree...definitely double and triple-check he hasn't got you lined up to be his next beard before you get your heart broke ^^;

In all seriousness though, ladies. I know society is always telling us shit like "ohhhhh find a guy who's OBSESSED with you and WORSHIPS you and calls you a QUEEN!", but none of that means jack shit if a man doesn't want to actually learn anything about you and humanize you as more than an ideal. It's hard to be able to have good, thoughtful conversations with someone and be silly and goofy and relaxed and your most authentic self when you're constantly yelling down from the pedestal they put you on ^^; And please, for the love of god!!! I don't care HOW much you like a guy, you get the hell out of there if every single one of your conversations is about him. Romance is meant to be a partnership, not a girl erasing her entire personality and then some to cheer on a boy who does not even know where she's going to fucking college. Know your worth, seek better, demand better. Never settle for some dipshit who forgets about you every time you walk out the room because he called you "golden goddess."

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 🩵 TL;DR I fully support the Demetri cheating plot and hope it will eventually be the wake-up call people need to see this man was NEVER a good boyfriend to Yasmine Nolastname. I'm so happy she finally realized she deserves better than being some gayboy's beard cheerleader coolness trophy, and I wish her the best of luck in pursuing people who actually want to fuck women ♀️

#demetri alexopoulos #demetri cobra kai #yasmine cobra kai #cobra kai season 6 #character analysis

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mithliya · 2 years ago

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Same anon from today abt QLU: Completely agree

lexi 👎🏾 aussie 👎🏾 mildred 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾

I feel so bad for Rae honestly. She was visibly uncomfortable the entire show, you could tell she was pushed into participating by Lexi. she mentioned she was completely blackout drunk during the sexual encounter with vanessa, which makes me question the consensual aspect. as someone who used to get blackout drunk I understand how confusing that is, and to have people constantly bringing it up and calling it "fingergate" is so humiliating and gross. I also learned Lexi has an onlyfans now and is dating another onlyfans model, which, not to shame her, but it's just a bit sad. I'm glad rae is free now, i don't think lexi was good for her.

Aussie we know has a lot of growing to do. Sam deserves better and I thought and hoped she was going to leave single. I feel like they are back at square one. I did not think proposing with a rock was cute (in another context, maybe, but since it's aussie, it seemed like she wasn't taking things seriously.) It doesn't really feel like they are actually engaged. It feels like everything is just going to go according to Aussie's plan and timeline, with Sam capitulating on all fronts once again. I also had a crush on aussie in the beginning but I'm so over it now. not to be age-ist but the immature way she was acting contrasted sharply with her age, to the point where she looked older and older as the series went on. Like idk how to explain it, she looks damn good for her age but I just kept on thinking "you are 40!" the more time passed and became more and more aware of her physical age compared to the mental.

Mildred... i have no words... DV and getting mad at someone for calling the police when you were the one throwing things. i hope people don't start circulating those false stats about how lesbians are more prone to DV. But just... why did the only lesbian dating show have to end on such a disturbing note. mildred was disturbing.

And YOLY!!! I was so taken aback her actions in ep9 because I feel like the edit favored her previously and she acted so trashy suddenly. The way she acted in the ultimatum episode confused and shocked and baffled me. like the whole time I was like... "I thought you were engaged, are people allowed to do and say these things when they're engaged???"' It made no sense... But wtf girl why did she take off the ring and front like she wasn't engaged, letting xander confess to her, and then flip flop saying she was engaged but she loved xander more, like what was she even hoping to achieve? I was rooting for her but what in the fuck was that?? I truly did not understand what she was doing in that episode, like i'm still confused right now. How did she fumble so hard when two hot butches both were professing their love to her? I think xander and mal both dodged a bullet there in the end.

completely agree when you said "u just accepted someones proposal n then here u are doing things i’d constitute as cheating w another woman.." I could not wrap my head around it. There's a clip of the uncut footage on reddit that shows Yoly was even kissing xander on the mouth after accepting the proposal from Mal. Like wow. i wish mal and xander the best though.

I'll end this here. Hope the rambling wasn't too long or unhinged. This whole show stressed me out so much. thanks for introducing it to me but goddahm it was so much messier than I expected, especially after the reunion. I was so happy at first, like "yay lesbians on tv!" but then, apart from the general reality tv toxicity and messiness, there were some reminders about the anti-woman hellscape we're living in that even lesbian's can't escape 1) pronouns 2) plastic surgery (vanessa got a major nose job :((() 3) "sex work" (Lexi's OF) and 4)DV. I'm glad it exists, though, it ellicited many emotions. If you have any more takes or posts about the show I would love to read them.

Also there's a new lesbian reality tv show called "I kissed a girl" coming out soon on BBC. The gay predecessor, 'I kissed a boy" just wrapped up, and it was pretty good. I was wondering if you heard of it or planned on watching it.

xoxo

wait she was blackout drunk??? thats even worse oh my god.. i mean when she woke up it showed that she immediately regretted it and despite that, lexi constantly guilted and shamed her and demonised her which doesnt even make sense to me... like.. U WERE BROKEN UP ??///

agreed that calling it fingergate is gross tho. rae was clearly v distressed by the whole topic so..

i feel u on aussie. i found her attractive at first too but the temper tantrums changed my mind. i kinda get what u mean about her age, like i thought she looked very young for her age at first but then remembering her age and it being in contrast w her behaviour made her feel a lot older somehow and not in a good way (for me age is generally a good thing lol but her immaturity just made it cringe that shes 42 and Like That)

i get what u mean about DV stats etc cause i thought similarly. i do like that it did show that butches arent the ones who are likely abusers tho, and also yeah i feel like in most couples it was toxic as hell and u could argue someone in the pair is abusive. vanessa (manipulative), mildred (straight up abusive), aussie (always leaving & abandoning her partner, no communication), lexi (controlling and manipulative)... yoly out of her couple but i would say its a reach to say shes abusive or controlling.

ur right yoly's behaviour around the engagement stuff was very weird

also omfg i didnt realise vanessa got a nose job. i noticed she seemed like she got some lip filler but NOOOO i loved her nose wtf !!

whats the show i kissed a boy & i kisssed a girl about ???

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septembersghost · 2 years ago

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I know you were half-joking, but when you mentioned Despair - this WAS worse. because Cas was confessing something beautiful to achieve happiness, and he wanted Dean to know, and he was saving Dean's life. it does crush Dean, but not in a strip-him-of-his-humanity way. Kim says I love you but it doesn't matter, and Jimmy disappears. it's worse!

i was slightly joking, but then i also started to think about this for real, and you're right. not that the shows are in ANY way comparable lol, but cas' confession is a fulfillment. cas gives that out of an abundance of love, but also out of self-acceptance! it's an important part of him validating HIMSELF. and yes, while it hurts dean terribly in the moment because it's accompanied by grief, he does internalize it - it's the exact opposite of stripping him of his humanity, it returns a measure of faith and hope back to him, it is a balm to some of the self-loathing he is always racked with. (that's not who i am! self-affirmation!!! to god himself!) and due to extreme dean affinity, i cannot hear, "we're poison," and not think of that terrible scene on the bridge in S9 when he says, "i'm poison," and walks away from sam and cas. it's total consuming self-hatred and punishment there, he thinks he deserves nothing and no one. THAT'S the headspace kim was in, no matter how much she loves jimmy, and she loves him as much as she ever has in that moment, she was racked with guilt and destructively imploding. it wasn't a comforting speech, it was a break. it was killing something precious and vital. jimmy doesn't walk out of that assured of his soul, he loses it altogether. "i love you too, but so what?" is agonizing. "i cared about the whole world because of you"? that's...jimmy's thoughts to kim, if anything. kim is cast too adrift and too aghast by their actions to see that, or maybe she can and it's not enough anymore, as she said. it was worse, because it wasn't about reassurance, or kindness, or fighting the good fight. it was her integrity and her choosing to make a sacrifice at a tremendous cost to them both. it was about surrender and separation and despair.

#anyway i was right to say that but the real takeaway here is i somehow made kim deancoded...#unexpected and hurtful!#how did we get here #did we just compare and contrast this in seriousness. look what you made me do anon! <3 #anonymous #letterbox #spn for ts #bcs spoilers

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monstrousvoice · 2 years ago

Text

Warm Waters Soothe Insecurities

Fandom: Cult of the Lamb

Relationship: Kudaai X Female OC

AN: “I have requests and a Secret Santa Thing I need to write. These are very important.” I say to myself.

“What if we write about our OC only like, 3 people know about, and a character only those same 3 people care about being soft and in love?” Say my hands.

“Perfect.” I say.

So uh yeah. Here’s my Reindeer OC Selene in a hot spring with Kudaai. (In all seriousness if you liked this please for the love of god tell me. I am so fucking insecure about posting this, I almost quit writing it multiple times and fell into a bad case of self conscious writer’s block because of it.)

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Insecurity, First Time ‘I Love You’s, Love Confessions, Casual Nudity, Bathing/Washing, Slight Daddy Kink

Summary: Having a moment to relax with your mate is one of life’s delicacies.

Read it on AO3!

“Once again my little doe, you’re right. I did need this…” Kudaai groaned as he settled into the water of the hot spring. Steam rose all around him in a thick veil, heat seeping through his scales and into the sore muscles and joints of his aching body.

He rolled his neck until he heard a satisfying ‘click’ of his vertebrae popping and sagged in relief. The dragon managed to settle comfortably on a stone ledge carved into the pool and rested his burly arms along the cool stone rim.

Already he felt relief in his ankles and calves, the muscles slowly unknotting all the way up towards his hips and lower back. His thick, scaled tail gave a wag under the surface of the water, sending ripples across the surface of the pool and splashing over the edges.

“Heehee~ I thought you had learned by now big daddy,” A girlish giggle reached his ears, “I’m always right~” Selene teased as she stepped out from behind a group of smooth boulders.

Only a towel covered her furry form from his view, her delicate hands keeping the cloth tight. Her hooves clicked against the stone ground as she walked towards the hot spring with an excited wiggle to her hips.

“Apparently not.” Kudaai smirked, his teeth peeking from under his lip. “Please tell me that’s all you have on…” He purred, narrowing his golden eyes. The deer sent him a coy look, prancing around the edge of the pool to where he sat.

“Why sir blacksmith! To imply that a lady would swim in the nude! What kind of doe do you take me for?” She stuck her nose into the air, her snobbish act ruined by one green eye peeking open to look at him as the corner of her lips pulled upwards into a smirk. The dragon felt a feeling in his chest, warm and syrupy as he looked upwards to her - a drastic contrast to the feeling in his lower gut, a heat building there not from the warm water.

“The nasty kind.” He growled in response, thick black tongue making an appearance to lick his along his maw in a lewd show just for her.

Selene blushed furiously in response, her ears folding back as she looked towards the floor, unable to meet his gaze any longer. It only made his purr grow louder, sounding more like a true bellow as he watched her squirm, her hips wiggling in response to his attention.

“Hmm, nothing smart to say little mama?” She doesn’t respond at first, only looking at him with big doe eyes and pouting lips he wants to kiss. One of her fingers is idly tracing the pattern in her fur on her thigh.

“Perhaps action is easier?” He sits up straighter, tilting his muzzle up. He doesn’t have to try very hard - even with him sitting he’s still so tall compared to her. His head easily reaches her chest with him slouching.

She takes his invite and steps closer, leaning to press a sweet kiss to his mouth that has that warm, syrupy feeling from before squeezing hard around his heart. She’s so precious when she gets shy…

Selene pulls away much too quickly from their kiss, but she’s smiling again.

“You and your teasing…you’re lucky I love it~” Kudaai gives a huff, smoke billowing from his nose.

“Not my fault you’re so easy to tease~ Get in already you little minx.”

He wanted her soft body pressed against him, the curve of her hip fitting perfectly in his claw and against his side as they traded kisses and stories.

She giggles again and finally lets her towel fall open. As she lays the cloth on a nearby ledge Kudaai has a chance to ogle her curves properly. Her arms wrapped tight around her middle in a hug as she shivered from the cool night air, her breasts being pushed together in a tantalizing display that had to be on purpose.

"Ooh-so warm!" The reindeer gave a meek shiver as she placed a hoof into the steaming water, humming in delight at the heat racing up her leg. The rest of her followed quickly, small waves rippling across the water’s surface at her movements as she glided towards Kudaai’s side. Her hands came into contact with his chest, fingers roaming across the broad expanse of muscle and fat layered under his black and gold scales.

He could feel her legs pull up and curl in place next to his own thighs, her knees pressing against him but not uncomfortably. She nestled herself into his side from there, her own shoulder resting against his ribs as her hands traced idle patterns into his scales. The dry fur of her neck and face was already losing volume and flattening from the steam surrounding them.

He brought his arm down from the stone lip of the pool to wrap around her under the water. His hand covered the expanse of her hip as he held her impossibly closer to his side. His thumb rubbed small circles where it layed, the temptation to squeeze her ass, just a little, was too strong to ignore. Not that she minded.

“Thank you for bringing me here daddy~ It’s so nice…” Selene cooed despite her cheek being squished against his pectoral muscle she was so intent on smothering herself on. She looked so small and cute, he felt like such a brute compared to her…

What did she even see in him, really? He was big and intimidating, covered in scars and old wounds - some of them by his own mistakes and not enemies. What did he have to offer someone like her?

With a start he realized she had spoken to him.

“O-of course little mama. Like I said, you were right. I needed this more than I realized…” The blacksmith let out a sigh, trying to push those thoughts away. It didn’t matter why she was with him, only that she was and that he wanted to enjoy every moment with her before she came to her senses and left him.

His mind cleared as his eyes slipped closed. Peace, or something like it he supposed, making him feel calm and relaxed. It was all because of the doe nestled into his side right now. She was so…

He isn’t a poet. He’s never been good with words, not like his younger brother. Coming up with ways to describe his sweet Selene was a feat he would never overcome. Truly, he didn’t care to. He just wanted her to stay with him for a little while longer…

His hand wrapped around her hip gives another squeeze to the soft flesh, and she gives a meek mewl of surprise at the feeling. She doesn’t move away, to his relief. One of her own hands leaves his chest to slip under the water, ghosting over his. Her fingers thread through his open ones to hold the back of his hand in a gentle embrace as he keeps idly rubbing and massaging the area.

Selene suddenly pulls her head away from his chest, only to turn and press her lips against the heated scales she was resting against. Kudaai can’t fight the smile quirking the corner of his mouth, despite the years of self restraint that have taught him not to show such emotion.

In this place, he thinks…maybe it’s okay. To let his guard down a little…

Selene is looking up at him now, big green eyes looking so earnest and loving it chokes him, his heart beating hard and fast as he tries to calm it.

“You feel better then? The heat is helping?” She asks, voice soft and soothing. Does she even know? Does she know how much power she holds over him? By The One Below she could kill him with a smile like that. He would die happy, he would brag to the Lord Below that he died to the most beautiful sight ever - this smile.

“Hn-...yes. Yes I feel much better than this morning sweet girl.” He manages to purr in response. She looks delighted at his words, ears perking and eyes lighting up like it’s the best news he could have ever told her.

“G-good! That’s very good~ I could even…I could give your shoulders a massage too, if you’d like?” The dragon has to bite his tongue hard to not openly groan in bliss at her words. He just barely catches himself.

“...An adorable, sexy doe sitting with her thighs near my head, rubbing her soft hands on me?” She blushes furiously at his words but doesn’t retract her offer. “How can I say no to such a thing? I must be damn dreaming…” She giggles into her hand even as she starts to sit up properly. He is disappointed when he realizes that this means he cant hold her cute tush anymore, but figures a massage is a fair trade off.

Both his burly arms settle at his sides in the water, one of them being offered to his beloved so she can lift herself out of the spring and onto the stone rim. She presses another kiss to his scales, this time to his already warm cheek.

“Thank you~” she whispers, like it’s a secret between them to share and keep. His heart can’t take this, he can feel it squeezing tighter in his chest at everything she does…

With some shifting Selene makes herself comfortable behind him, her legs wrapping around his upper back and allowing her closer access to him without her knees knocking against the blades embedded in his spine. She brought her hands onto the broad expanse of his shoulders, fingers dancing along his scales in a way Kudaai would almost describe as awed. He heard her give a soft hum before another soft kiss was pressing against an old scar that had healed over the blade still lodged there.

He was always nervous when she saw his back, seeing the barely healed gore that remained from literal centuries of fighting to protect what's his. Kudaai knows it's ugly, knows it's unlovable. And yet Selene always seemed so…happy when he let her see. Like his trust in her actually made her feel good. He couldn’t understand why, he wasn’t worth much outside of his forge craft…

It was when Selene started to apply pressure to his aching muscles that she started to quietly ramble to him. His eyes slipped closed once more as her soothing voice washed over his troubled mind.

“I really do love your body Kudaai…So big and strong, always so warm…You make me feel so safe and loved despite the lands we live in.” The dragon couldn’t help the way his body further relaxed into her hold, his head falling back to rest comfortably against her plush chest and tummy. Her fur was wet and slightly chilled now that she was out of the water, but she didn’t seem to mind the cold. He figured it had to do with her upbringing from the North.

“I love your chest and tummy too~ Laying across you, or you laying on top of me, it just-it makes me feel…good in a way I can’t explain…” She trailed off as her hands made their way to the front of his body. Her fingers rubbing soothing circles into the meaty muscle of his pectorals, her arms circling around his neck. He angled his head to bump his muzzle against hers, his golden eyes staring intensely into her own green ones.

“You know my heart belongs to you, sweet girl. No need for empty flattery.”

The doe gasped in response, looking back at him with wide - dare he say, hurt - eyes.

“It’s not empty flattery! I mean every word I say.” Her brow furrowed. “I wish you wouldn’t do that, Kudaai.”

He stayed silent. His gaze left hers to stare at the distant tree line.

“...Kudaai? Why do you always…?” Selene trailed off. Her hands stopped the soothing rub along his muscles to instead trace patterns along the scales. She always fidgets when nervous, and it’s his fault this time…

Sometimes he wishes he had the knack for talking to others the way Claunek could. His younger brother had always been the more sociable of them both.

“Forgive me love. I’m…I’m not good at…-you know how words are for me-” He lifted a clawed hand into the air, open as if he could pluck the words he needed out the steam surrounding them.

“Shh…take your time big daddy. I’m not going anywhere.” She cooed in response, pressing more kisses to the side of his face and muzzle. He could tell his teeth were in the way of her lips, but she didn’t seem to care. She just kept pressing kisses along his maw, overbite croc teeth or no.

Instead of letting his hand drop he moved it towards her own face, cupping her cheek and rubbing the soft fur there. It was a silent thanks as he gathered his own thoughts, his claws even moving up towards the base of her large floppy ears and rubbing. The content sigh he pulled from her let him know he was touching the right spot.

Eventually, he sighs.

“I…I want to be honest with you about my thoughts. It’s just…hard to find the right words. I much prefer when you do the talking.” He tried teasing her about her chatty nature and got an amused huff and a smile in return.

“...For so long I didn’t think I would ever…find a mate. I even…” He grunts, feeling more self-conscious than ever by admitting this. “I even asked my brother before we met if he saw anything…” Selene didn’t laugh to his relief. Her hands just continued dancing across his scales.

“And you…you looked so beautiful when we first met, so put together and on top of your work. And when I approached you looked so…so frightened. You couldn’t even speak to me properly…”

Her hands stopped.

“I don’t know what I did to change your view of me, but I hope with every fiber of myself that I can keep it up. That you’ll see me as your mate and not the…the big ugly brute I am…” Kudaai squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth. He hated this, this feeling of vulnerability and bareness. She could break him into splinters right now without even speaking.

He spent so many centuries keeping to himself, doing what he needed to do for Claunek to grow up happy and content. Every one of instincts was screaming at him for going against his hard learned habits.

“Oh Kudaai…” Selene whispered, her soft lips pressing to his temple as she spoke. “Kudaai I was never frightened of you. Never. From the moment we met I was…I was so in awe that a-that such a beautiful person would even look my way.”

The dragon’s eyes slid back open slowly, staring at nothing in the distance. A feeling he couldn’t name, one that made his chest feel tight and his eyes sting was building up inside him.

“I was nervous when we met, yes. But not because you’re terrifying. Not to me. I saw someone so…so protective. A perfect provider and defender who made me feel breathless with just a look.”

“You-” His deep voice cracked, his throat feeling dry. “You think I’m…I’m beautiful? With…with my size? My stomach, my scars, my teeth!?” The doe snorted where she was still pressed against his cheek.

“Stars Kudaai, yes. I was smitten with you from the very start. I love those things about you! Its-it’s so embarrassing to admit but when you actually talked to me I got so h-hot and bothered.” She buried her face against his and squeezed, preventing him from being able to loom at her face. His neck still snapped in her direction, his jaw falling open at her words.

“Wh-what?” Her voice came out muffled.

“Y-yeah. I-...By The One Below I wanted you to bend me over and fuck me right then and there. I wanted to marry you Kudaai. I knew it right then.”

He couldn’t believe what she was saying. There was no way any of this could be true. Selene is so beautiful and kind, thoughtful and smart and stubborn and shy and-and perfect-

She really thought the same of him?

“S-Selene, please-” He needed to see her, to see her eyes-

The reindeer understood. She always understood. Her arms loosened their hold around his thick neck as she pulled back from him. He moved further into the water and turned to look at her properly. Her hooves dangled in the water as her hands fiddled nervously with the thick fur lining her neck and chest. Her green eyes met his own with a sincerity that made his heart ache.

“I love you, Kudaai.” She whispered.

“...I love you too Selene.” He kneeled on the ledge he had previously been sitting on, bringing his heavy arms around her much smaller frame and enveloping her into his hold. She nuzzled right up against him, face pressed against his heartbeat, the one she owned.

He buried his own muzzle against the top of her head, breathing in her sweet scent.

She loved him.

Loved.

Him.

That was the first time they had ever said such words to each other. This was real. What they had together. He wanted to kiss her.

He pulled away to do just that, pressing his muzzle against hers in a kiss that had their teeth clacking against eachother’s, the desperate need to be closer driving them.

They parted for breath and pressed their foreheads together, breathing each other in. Kudaai felt one of her hands against his cheek, her thumb gently swiping against the black scales under his eye. He felt warm water smear and pulled back in confusion.

Selene was smiling at him in the most gentle way, like he was an animal that would skitter away at the slightest movement. He brought his own hand up and wiped at his other eye, feeling more wetness on his cheek.

He wasn’t sure when he had started crying.

“It’s okay baby. It’s okay.” She whispered. “I love you.”

The dragon heaved a deep breath and let it out slow, blinking hard as pulled her close again. It was okay. Selene was here, she wouldn’t-...She could be trusted with this.

He moved his hands down her waist and grabbed handfuls of her, lifting her from the stone and bringing her into his own lap. She didn’t protest, only giving an adorable squeak at the movement. He settled back onto the ledge himself, holding her to his chest for more snuggles in the steaming water surrounding them.

Eventually they would have to get out. They would both be hungry for dinner.

For now…He just wanted to hold her and be held in return.

#Cult of the Lamb #Kudaai #Cult of the Lamb Kudaai #CotL Kudaai #Kudaai X Female OC #Cult of the Lamb Kudaai X Female OC #Cult of the Lamb X Female OC #My Writing

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emyluwinter · 3 years ago

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I'm finally home...It was a big eventful chapter.

And I can finally write my impressions!

Attention next come spoilers. You don't have to look any further.

Spoilers. why are you still here? I warned you that there are spoilers here! Come on, honey, go.

Shoo-shoo-shoo!

I may be wrong about the details or not know the exact translation. Let's get started!

The chapter begins with an Idia that finally started data analysis. And not to be the "boss" at the beck and call.

And he corresponded with his gamer friend "MUSCLE CRIMSON". Their chat was voiced.

My dear............I'M SO HUNG UP ON THAT VOICE!!! THE VOICE WAS SO DEEP, BEAUTIFUL, AND ON THE ONE HAND TERRIBLY FAMILIAR?!

I thought it was Leona's voice actor?!Because such a deep rich timbre....but the manner of speech was different.

But the voice was completely different and then it hit me....

HOLY ICE CREAM. WAS IT LILIA VOICE?!?WHY DID HE SOUND SO MATURE AND MORE OLDER?!?

Lilia is still not in her original form?!Somewhere there was a theory that his clothes were "big in size" because the measurements were taken when he was "older"

That would be a very logical move.

AND NOW I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

Why didn't the Lilies leave this beautiful voice...although I understand that there will be too sharp a contrast in appearance and voice.

But I would listen to more lines from the "adult version"

Lilia, you should at least do asmr seriously.

Then we are abruptly transferred back to Lilia's room?

Uh, hello? It was very sudden, you know!

Preparatory ground for Chapter 7? ALREADY?!

Silver arrives and barely has time to ask about Malleus when Sebek comes running in a panic. Speaking of which, Waka-sama has disappeared.

Lilia lets them both rest and says that his will do it herself.

And now we're back in the dilapidated Ramshackle dorm...

My poor heart can't stand it when I see these destructions. Seriously, it's very disturbing and unbearable to watch.

And guess who's there?

The night guest is............... Malleus.

I'm serious. He was right inside. Right in the living room.

Malleus...sweety...Yuu can invite you inside if you really want to see everything from the inside.

So next comes the dialogue....because of which my heart made a BONK TUDUM and somersault several times. Or maybe I had a panic attack because of the monstrous amount of work... ahah..

WHY DO YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A CUTE ADORABLE DRAGON?!? EH??IT'S ILLEGAL!!!

SOMEONE TELL HIM ALREADY THAT THIS IS NOT AN OTOME GAME!!!

Lilia said that Ramshackle has been Malleus' "secret base" since his admission.

Malleus said that when Yuu and Grimm moved in, he was upset.

Because before he was attracted by these crumbling walls, broken glass, silence and the fact that Yuu was gone.

But he doesn't feel happy about it, that everything is back as it was.

He asks why this has changed. Why are his feelings different?

Malleus prefers Yuu to be in Ramshackle.

Lilia, please explain to Malleus that he just misses his human friend.

ALTHOUGH JUDGING BY HOW LILIA WAS IN SHOCK. MALLEUS IS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH YUU.

Malleus tell me what do you feel when you see or communicate with Yuu? Butterflies in the stomach?Goosebumps and palpitations?

Meet this Yuu - man who has passed 5 overblots, 2 fights with phantoms. Appointed by the Prefect in the first 24 hours of their appearance.Has a special position and status in the college. Has a fire-eared ward. AND SHAMELESSLY, WITHOUT REALIZING IT, THEY STOLE THE HEART OF ONE OF THE FIVE STRONGEST MAGICIANS.

Briefly about Chapter 7 - WEDDING!!! PFFFFF. sorry.

Oh and this scene...AJDKLFDSGJHGKLFG

Lilia: Malleus, look up.

Malleus : .. theres a hole in the ceiling

Lilia: I meant the sky.

Malleus : Oh.

I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. PLEASE CONTINUE.

And Lilia compared the "child of man" with the same rare phenomenon when the stars line up in the sky.

Was it some kind of reference to Mulan? There was the phrase "A flower blooming in bad weather is the rarest jewel....Such girls are not born every century"

Overblott has not been shown yet. A PITY. EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING SO LONG.

IDIA ACTUALLY HAS A STONE!!HE WAS IN THAT FLYING GADGET!!!

We were shown the Unique Magic of Epel!!!

You're my good boy, you're my joy.We are all so proud of you!!

"Sleep kiss"

Creates a magic shield similar to a crystal coffin and the "victim" falls asleep soundly. It can be used both as a shield and as a cage.

Yuu gives all the money to Epel - put me to sleep and bury me somewhere I don't want to deal with any problems anymore..

There was still a trick with the cosmetics of the Pitchfork!! I KNEW IT.

Rook and Vil are like proud parents who caught the moment when Epel had a unique magic.

A nice little family ...... who can track me everywhere, poison and curse me, and now lock me in a crystal coffin. NICE! Ahaha.

Ortho knocked out everything in STYX. Literally everything. The Cerberus system, which was created by Idia. Access to electricity and communications.

And Idia also said that Ortho is a humanoid robot with AI.

Actually, I guessed.

It turns out all this time the real Ortho was ........ in Tartarus with other phantoms?

AND YOU WANT TO TELL ME THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT A HELL OF A LOT OF TIME AGAIN TO FIND OUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!

I also liked the scene where Vil first praised and agreed with Ortho's plan to "restart" the whole world. So that everyone could live with phantoms and Idia wouldn't be locked up.

Vil - I approve of this plan that you will stop being "recluses.....BUT FOR A MOMENT I HAVEN'T REACHED MY GOAL YET. SO CLOSE YOUR PLAN.

Boys, stay the same angry problem asses. I love you for that.

Saving the world?For the sake of goodness and other things? HA!!

Boys, we all understand you want freedom - BUT.

Vil - I'm only halfway to my goal!

Leona - is not attracted to this new world at all.

Jamil - I will not obey those people who have power.

Azul - because of your plan, the economy will collapse, and all my assets that I have made with such difficulty will burst like a soap bubble.

Riddle - rules should not be created by a selfish mind!!

* wipes a tear from the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief * oh my dear boys, I'm so proud of you.

And now they will have a powerful weapon against the Titans.

For God's sake, please don't steal it.......YES, BOYS. I KNOW YOU CAN.

There are still a lot of moments....But I'm sorry, I'm very tired...I literally don't know how to make it so that I finally feel this state of "rest"

#twst ortho #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst mc #twst yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twst spoilers #twst ignihyde #twst idia

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watevermelon · 4 years ago

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✧ MSBY Soulmate!Atsumu x Reader

➳ Summary: You knew all about his personality, whether through the rumor vine or the numerous warnings your friends gave you. But there was no avoiding it - he was your soulmate after all.

➳ fluff; mutual pining; small jealousy; slight angst with a happy ending ➳ Navigation

—-xXxXxXxXxXx—–

When he first met you, Atsumu hadn’t wanted to hear it.

This was in the prime of his life, being scouted for a Division 1 volleyball team was his life-goal and the only thing standing in his way was the upcoming Olympics. Which, of course, he was rumored to be included on as well.

Even back in high school, there were tons of fans and girls alike who would willingly fall to his feet. Regardless of his reputation, they were eager to share a single night despite knowing it would probably be their last. And Atsumu reveled in the excitement of the attention, feeding off the cheers and shallow admiration many threw at him both on the court and in the bedroom.

Atsumu didn’t want a soulmate, someone whom he was shackled to for the rest of his life.

No, initially he didn’t want you.

As for you, the feeling was mutual to a degree. Soulmates were a touchy topic for many, conversations about colors and contrast was something you could not personally relate to. The moment you met your soulmate, it was described to you as suddenly bathing your entire life in color.

A part of you was curious about your soulmate, where he was in the world, what was he doing and who he was with. But never had you centered your life around it, more like a passive curiosity that you hoped would one day be satiated.

You were a student of Inarizaki during its prime, the members of the volleyball team very popular among the student body. You had made acquaintances with Osamu and Suna through one or two classes, but never were you particularly close to them.

Your close friends often warned you about the leader of their trio anyway - Atsumu Miya and his drove of fuckboy energy.

There was no doubt that the twin had multiple fan-clubs and obsessive flings surrounding him. You remembered once feeling sympathetic for his soulmate - thinking about how hard it would be to get him to saddle down to a single person. Especially, with the way he lived his life, it seemed the setter could care less about the concept of soulmates to begin with.

No, Atsumu would be a terrible soulmate for whoever was unfortunately linked to him by the red string of fate.

And while he was admittedly very handsome, you did not particularly care about the setter to actively reach out to him.

Besides, it was not like he even knew who you were to begin with.

The years went by and any thoughts you had about the setter were filed away in the quiet recesses of your mind, only appearing once in a while when Miya Atsumu showed up on some article or newspaper cover for something regarding volleyball. You were silently proud of his accomplishments and representing your school and perfecture, achieving his dream and all, but hadn’t particularly cared about him in the first place.

That was all until one day, you walked into Onigiri Miya years later.

Even though Osamu was the quieter twin, he either had a good memory or was oddly sentimental, since he remembered your name immediately when you took a seat at the bar.

“I see the years have treated ya well.” Osamu started casually, almost making you blush at how the twin could say something like that as if totally normal between old friends. “How’ve ya been doin’?”

“I’ve been working in the city, just something temporary while I finish grad school.”

“Ah, you’ve always been smart.” He complimented.

“Nothing compared to you though.” You countered, “You look really happy doing this. And you have a few branches opening, I heard.”

“Keepin’ tabs on me?” He baited.

“Just like hearing about the success of our classmates.” You shrugged.

You were sure Osamu had something sassy to say back to you before he got called away by another customer. He motioned for you to stay as he walked to the other side.

Your eyes followed him for a few seconds, watching how despite working around food constantly, he still had an athletic build after all these years.

(Really, the dude was built like a dorito chip.)

And while you would have liked to stay and flirt with the pretty onigiri twin, a similar voice started from the door. A light chime signaling the front door opening, you heard a greeting toward Osamu, making you turn in your seat in interest.

Only to double-over in surprise as your world was suddenly too bright.

You had no time, not even seconds to get your bearings. Your life of white and black tones was suddenly full - the table covers were black and red, the plants at the windowsill were green with different arrangements of orange. You took in your surroundings quickly, soaking up colors for the first time in your life.

It seemed the other man was just as surprised, cursing as he went before you lifted your eyes simultaneously to look each other in the eyes once more.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Atsumu asked under his breath, but you heard it all the same.

What on earth could you possibly say to that?

Within seconds, the situation was whirling around in your brain that this was possibly the worst possible moment of your life.

You were soulmates that didn’t want each other - for opposite reasons, surely. You did not want to be with Atsumu since he was too much of a player to take the concept seriously and attempting anything with him would only result in heartache. And Atsumu didn’t want you because he surely had an endless amount of women he would rather be with.

“That’s what a girl wants to hear.” You countered as you crossed your arms.

You hadn't expected your first meeting with your soulmate to be met with expletives and it seemed Atsumu finally remembered a semblance of his manners.

“Sorry, ya caught me off-guard.” He started, “Now ain’t the greatest time for me.”

“Oh boy.” You murmured as you turned back in your seat at the bar, Atsumu taking the open one next to you.

“Wait, (L/N)? From Inarizaki?” Atsumu asked after he motioned toward Osamu in greeting.

“That’s me.” You formally introduced yourself, extending a hand out to him. He regarded you quietly before taking his phone out for you to take and put your number in.

“I knew it, I don’t forget a pretty face like yers after all.” Atsumu smoothly said. This was your soulmate and all you felt in response was resentment, thinking about all the women he probably used that line with. You handed him back his phone as he continued, “Wow, look at ya all grown up.”

“And look at you, a professional volleyball player.”

Atsumu looked at you with a critical eye, not one that you could really decipher, but it was clear he was looking at you very thoroughly. “Been to one’ve my games before?”

“Only a few times in high school.” You replied, facing his stare head-on as his smirk only widened. You weren’t sure what this was, but with a player like Atsumu, you were sure he was already sizing you up in a way you didn’t want.

Something told you that if you looked away, you would lose.

And so you held your ground, matching his intense stare as your onigiri meal waited for you at the bar-side.

Thankfully, his name was called out by his twin and Atsumu’s attention was grabbed away before you could break.

“I didn’t know ya knew each other?” Osamu started as he returned, a glass in hand as he wiped it dry with a towel.

“We don’t.” You said instead.

Atsumu’s smirk tightened as he answered, “Just found out we’re soulmates, actually.”

Osamu put the glass down and turned to you, “'Tsumu fucking with me?”

“Unfortunately, no.” You answered.

“Unfortunately?” Atsumu emphasized as he turned to you more fully, the infuriating smirk still on his face for some reason, “I’ll have ya know that Imma great catch.”

“Debatable.” Osamu countered.

You laughed at his quip before looking at Atsumu, “Yeah, but I’m sure you don’t even want to be ‘caught,’ right?” You shot-back at the setter, “Unless you’re going to try to convince me that you still don’t want to entertain the droves of women at your feet?”

“Think ya have me all figured out?” Atsumu asked as he leaned closer to you, a quirked brow on his face. You looked toward Osamu who looked strangely amused, eyes going between you and Atsumu.

“I think I know enough to know why ‘now ain’t the greatest time’ for you.” You replied sassily as you shot back his first words to you, pushing at his chest to give back your personal space.

Atsumu just took your hand and put it in his own, calling your bluff. “Oh? Like how my time and attention are on Olympics while I’d rather treat my baby properly?”

“Oh god.” You said as you laughed.

You laughed.

To his face?

All the setter could think about was how interesting you were.

He had expected his soulmate to ‘fall at his feet’ as many had in the past. To cling to him for attention and to demand an exclusive shackle to them. But here you were: beautiful and independent and even physically pushing him away.

You grabbed your hand out of his light embrace and turned back to your food, smiling at what you thought was just another line he would feed to his other one-night stands. Atsumu bit his lip in frustration and looked briefly at Osamu, who was watching the two of you like his own personal source of humor.

If you were any other girl, Atsumu would wave you off. Say that he didn’t have time for one girl who didn’t care, he had dozens who would willingly take the spot instead.

But you weren’t just any other girl, you were his soulmate.

And he could already feel the strange draw towards you.

Not even a few months ago he would scoff at the supposed soulmate bond. All the other members of the Black Jackals had found their other half and what they ranted on and on about made him sick. Bokuto somehow found a way to insert something about Akaashi at almost every conversation and Atsumu would constantly catch Hinata, even during midgame, staring at Kageyama.

They sickened him.

And yet somehow he now understood.

Seeing his soulmate before him, you were one of the first few people in a while that he felt like he had to prove himself to. There was probably an endless amount of expectation against him, he was sure. Being old classmates and seeing his name on a tabloid almost every other month would definitely do that.

And somehow only minutes into speaking to his soulmate, Atsumu wanted something different.

“I could always prove it to ya.” He shot toward you, making you laugh again.

Alright, this shit ain’t gonna cut it.

Atsumu licked at his bottom lip before pulling your bar stool closer to his, relishing in the way your eyes widened in surprise as he did so. “Come on, ya lookin’ at yer soulmate. Just say what we both want and we can leave here together right now.”

You shot him back an incredulous expression, a challenging look in your eye as he put the ball in your court. It was strange to feed off the provocation of someone else; a new type of adrenaline in him as he wanted to get to know you.

“Sorry, but I’d rather not leave with a man who has hickies down his neck from some other woman.”

Atsumu almost felt himself click his tongue in frustration, but you were not exactly wrong. Just a few hours ago he was inside someone he couldn’t even name with a gun to his head, but that was a world before you.

A world before color and the sassy soulmate who seemed to want nothing to do with him.

And while Atsumu wanted to prod a bit more, or at least get you to concede that he was the greatest option in the world, his phone rang out with Sakusa’s icon flashing on the screen.

Your eyes were drawn to the noise and you commented, “I’m sure you already have plans today anyway.”

Dashing that thought away, he lifted his phone to your eyes and showcased the proof to you. “Think again, my teammate is on the other line ready to chew my ass out.”

“Oh.” That shut you up, before shrugging and turning back to your food, “Well, I’ll see you around Atsumu.”

He leaned toward you, lips dropping beside your ear and lightly stating, “Keep ya schedule open this week.”

You hesitated for a second before saying, “Maybe.”

Atsumu answered the call and started gathering his things, his thoughts only half on Sakusa as the spiker complained about his cleaning habits in the locker room.

“We should probably exchange numbers again.” Osamu took out his phone, motioning it in your direction.

You took it with a smile, to which Atsumu scowled and made a point of reminding his twin. “Yer better know she’s my soulmate.”

Osamu sighed outwardly and you just laughed adding, “And he’s the better twin afterall.”

Atsumu’s eyes darkened, phone completely forgotten as he took a step toward you, “I’ll remind you later who really is the better twin.”

He made it so easy to tease him, to challenge the world Atsumu built-up around him. You wanted to break it for some reason, to knock him down a peg for being stuck with a player as a soulmate.

And so you shot back, “I’d like to see you try.”

Atsumu smirked as his hand casually grazed up your thigh and squeezed at the skin there. “That’s a promise.”

He shot both of you goodbye’s before returning to his phone call and walking out the door. Atsumu had the last word for now, but you weren’t going to fall to his feet so easily. Turning back to Osamu was no help either, his expression amused as he watched the entire moment play-out.

“An here I was wantin’ to ask ya out.” Osamu stated plainly before shrugging as you sat still in your chair at the irony.

You expected that to be the last you’d see of Atsumu for a while - weeks or months or maybe even years as he entertained the long list of women that would be much easier to maintain than a soulmate.

He called you the next day, inviting you over for dinner and a movie before the weekend started.

You steeled your spine, telling yourself that the gorgeous setter was not going to get to you in a single night. He lived on the better side of Tokyo, just his zip-code alone was a flex of his wallet. And so when you reached his penthouse floor, you took a deep breath in the elevator before you entered his domain.

Again, you expected him to make good on his promise before, to make a move and prove to you that he was a playboy, asshole that you knew from high-school, but instead you had a pleasant first night.

Atsumu Miya entertained you with a home-cooked meal of all things, the two of you sat across from each other at his mahogany dining table.

“Who would’ve thought you would know how to cook well?”

“Ya know who my brother is?” Atsumu joked, “As if 'Samu will me live if I was an ass in the kitchen.”

“Of course, you’re just an ass in other places then.” You shot back, receiving a playful look of offense from the setter, before continuing. “But this tasted amazing, so thank you.”

Atsumu had that smirking expression on his face, like he was carefully watching you, picking you apart in his mind as he thought about the next ten moves in this strange game.

The setter put a hand on your knee under the table and you expected that to be the move, for it to slide up the rest of the way. But instead he tapped the area twice before he stood, grabbing your empty plates and motioning for you to go to the living room.

“Why dont’cha get comfortable for the movie while I wash these?”

You weren’t disappointed, per se.

Just surprised, if anything.

And the night continued on just as tamely, playful and even flirty banter between the two of you over the action movie that played out. At one point he draped a casual arm across the back of the couch, resting his hand on your shoulder and pulling you to lean against him.

You had witty banter back and forth and when the movie finally ended, Atsumu commented how it was getting late. Surprised again, you took the out and allowed him to call a car for you. Atsumu walked you down to the street and only when he was opening the door for you, did he lightly pull you at the waist to chastely move your lips together.

Lasting only seconds, he pulled away just as quickly and ushered you into the car and whispered in your ear, “See you soon, (F/N).

Everything you had expected of the playboy you thought you knew was shattered, no sudden move to get you on your back on his bedsheets. Yes, he still said plenty of flirty things to you, but he had yet to actually act on it. Was that simply a bluff before? Or was he playing a longer game to get you off the defensive?

“Yer so cute, (F/N).” Atsumu complimented you once as you lounged on his couch another day, “There are days I can barely keep my hands off ya.”

And before you could recognize how quickly your life was changing, that first initial date snowballed into more dates and somehow you had gotten to the point where you would visit his place fairly often. Whether for dinner or a simple hangout, it seemed Atsumu was keen on inserting himself into your life little by little.

And somewhere along the way, you started to doubt your earlier musings of a fuck boy with no regard for a soulmate. Maybe he had changed from high school? Or maybe, he had changed when he met you?

Or at least, that’s what you wanted to believe.

He had convinced you one night, when you came over for dinner or whatever it must have been, when it started to absolutely downpour outside. He insisted that he did not feel safe sending you home in this weather, to which you countered that you had travelled in worse.

That did little to subdue his worries and instead you found yourself in an oversized jersey getting tucked into his bed that night.

“What’s that face about?” He asked as you laid there together, bed sheets up to your shoulders as he placed an arm beneath your head.

“Nothing, just thinking.”

You thought the first time you’d ever see his bedsheets would be when he was inside of you, not tamely laying beside you and kissing your forehead goodnight. And when he pulled you closer to him, cuddling you to sleep that night, that was one of the safest times you had ever felt.

If this was just a game, if you were just another one of his girls, he would have made a move that night, right?

And so you believed that Atsumu was honestly as earnest in his actions as he said, trying to get to know you for you. Not because you were just another woman to put as a notch on his bedpost, but because he was genuinely interested in you.

That was until you saw the first dating scandal since you had met the setter.

He had plenty of other scandals before this, many women had been attached to his name before, but never had you cared in the past because that was simply his reputation and you barely knew him. But now you had an active role in his life, how could you not know about some woman he was apparently also spending time with?

You did not want to believe some random tabloids over the trust of your soulmate. At least, that was until one day you overheard Atsumu on the phone with his twin.

“Listen, I took out (F/N) that first time cause ya told me to.”

That shit hurted.

The entire foundation of your relationship was based on the fact that his twin pressured him into getting to know you? Did Atsumu even want to get to know you in the first place? Was he really playing with your feelings this whole time?

You turned and went back to his living room, filing this away in your mind as you took a seat. If Atsumu didn’t actually want you in his life, then you would surely give him the space he wanted to begin with.

But you had missed the rest of that phone conversation.

“But I feel like I’ve already fallen for her. I don’t know, she’s different. Ya, ya. I know, I won’t fuck it up this time.”

And so you resolved to put between each other the space he wanted initially.

When you first met, he was pretty vocal about not wanting a soulmate at the time. But he had convinced you along the way, that maybe this was something the both of you wanted.

You were wrong.

Phone calls went ignored and you stopped replying to texts after a few curt replies. You needed distance if you were going to get over Miya Atsumu and his inevitable line of one-night stands.

Your soulmate was supposed to be the one person in the world who completed you, who understood you whole and made you feel loved. And while you were on the precipice of those feelings, it all quickly came crashing down with reality.

Atsumu Miya did not want you.

One night, as you were studying for grad-school, you were working on your part of the group project and were expecting a call any moment now from your other partners.

When the phone rang out, you picked it up without regard to the name on the screen until it was too late.

“Hey, (F/N)? Haven’t heard from you in a while.” Atsumu’s voice started immediately and it was not like you could hang-up on him now.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy trying to make rent, y’know. Not everyone can be a world-renowned professional athlete.”

There was a small pause on his end before, “... you could always stay with me if you have financial problems.”

What?

Why would he offer that? Just to make you suffer when he brought other women home?

“Don’t say things you’ll regret, haha.” You try to put back that earlier distance, “I’m sure you have a laundry list of girls who are eager to hear back from you after all.”

“What? (F/N), that’s not--”

You cut him off there, “Listen, I’m waiting on a couple people for a school thing. I’ll see you around, Miya-san.”

Miya-san.

Where had he fucked up?

In the weeks Atsumu had gotten to know you, it was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t felt for anyone. It was like the unspoken bond crap that Kita had explained to him in high school or that Suna, who recently found his own soulmate, raved about was actually real.

For the first time in his life he wanted to spend time with a woman for longer than a single night. He wanted to bring you home, kiss you good morning, and possibly have a home with both your names on the mailbox.

And while not even a few months ago he would have scoffed at shit like that, Atsumu wanted it and felt that for the first time it was in his grasp.

So where did he go wrong?

The last thing he ever wanted to do was actually make you feel unwanted and he feared that his initial words might have sparked something within you.

It was no surprise when Atsumu showed up at your apartment unannounced the next day.

Not expecting any company, you waltzed over to the door, thinking it might be a package delivery, and opened it in your pajamas.

Atsumu walked right past you and into the living room, words striking with the specificity of a cobra. “Are you just fucking with me?”

You sputtered before closing the door, “What?

He ran a stressed hand through his hair, but maintained eye-contact with you. “Yer my soulmate and I wanna get to know you. Am I alone in wantin’ this?”

“Shouldn’t I ask that of you?” You shot back, “You made it clear as day that you didn't want me as your soulmate to begin with!”

Atsumu sighed and took a step closer to you, closing the distance to lightly grab at your elbows. “For fucks sake, that was months ago. Don’t tell me that all that time together meant nothin’ to you?”

“Of course it meant something to me!” You exclaimed back, before pushing at his chest while he did not budge a single inch away. “Don’t act like I’m the one half-assed in this.”

He scowled back, “What is that suppos’ed to mean?”

You did not hesitate, "I know you only spent time with me because Osamu told you to.”

Atsumu recoiled in surprise and you took that as your escape, pushing his lingering hands away as you made for the kitchen. But the setter was out of his stupor quickly, trailing behind you.

“Fuck, what did ‘Samu tell you?”

“He didn’t have to tell me anything, I found out the truth myself.”

You could tell Atsumu’s stress level was skyrocketing, from the way his hair was mused without care and angled strangely in certain ways.

“Ya got it all wrong, it was just that first time!” Atsumu replied right behind you.

“What do you mean?”

“‘Samu was the one who told me to call ya the next day, but I was going to eventually ‘cause I wanted to get to know ya myself.”

You slowly took in his words, but it was hard to make any sort of decision with the setter right in front of you. A part of you, one that attributed it to the soulmate bond, was basically begging you to forgive him and wrap yourself in his embrace. That part wanted to feel those muscular arms around you once again, to feel safe in the arms of the one person in the universe meant for you.

But, afraid of getting hurt and without much argue left within you, you tossed back. “Yeah, eventually.”

Atsumu put a strong grip on your waist, holding you there in place before you could run away again.“‘Samu told me to, but I could’ave easily not done nothin’ that first night or any time after.”

You bit your lip at his words, Atsumu was laying all his cards on the table and he wanted a response from you.

And he wanted it now.

“Please, ya know me better by now.” Atsumu turned you in place to face him, leaning down to whisper his words against your forehead. “I know Imma bad deal - I can’t imagine what ya thought of me back in high school and even earlier this year. I have a bad history and an even worse reputation.”

“But after just a few weeks, I don’t want ya out of my life ever again. Just hearin’ ya call me by my last name yesterday nearly killed me.” Atsumu continued, trailing his lips further down until your foreheads were touching, “Lets give this a try - a real one. Give me the chance to make you happy for the rest of our lives.”

You closed your eyes, trying to ignore the insistent inner tug on your heart and how the setter was encompassing all your thoughts. “Atsumu… I--”

“Stop overthinkin’.” He interrupted, “I don’t want to bombard you. But I promise I won’t ever purposely hurt you.”

You took in a harsh breath, wondering how on earth this could be the same Miya Atsumu who plagued your high school. He had changed, not just from then but from the short amount of time you had already shared together. Opening your eyes slowly, Atsumu was still clutching you around the waist, but his eyes were carefully scanning your expression.

“Okay.”

You replied, leaning into his touch more as the smile on the setter’s face widened.

He did not waste a single moment, leaning down to capture your lips with his. You stood surprised for a second, before pushing up to meet his gentle touches. There was no sudden epiphany, no instant speech of undying love after. But there was no denying the harsh flutter intensifying after every inflamed touch.

Your heart pounded hard in your chest as you leaned more into the setter, knees going weak as his tongue roamed your open mouth. Your only focus was on how soft he felt against your mouth, how addictive it was to have Atsumu invaded all your senses. From the intense smell of his cologne to the light tickle of his blond hair against your head, Atsumu was dominating your every feeling.

And so it was quite a surprise when Atsumu gave you one final peck, before moving to your forehead and placing a light butterfly kiss there and backing off entirely.

“Fuck, just look at you.” He commented as he leaned back, looking at you up and down. There was no doubt the sight that greeted him, you messy with drool, tousled hair, and rumpled clothing. “Even in your sheep pajamas, it’s hard for me to keep my hands off ya.”

Your blush intensified at his words, putting a playful hand on his chest and muttering a small, “Shut up.”

“Never.” He quipped back, putting another kiss on your forehead before pulling away, only your hands still joined. “Now let’s get your apartment packed.”

“What?” You asked, confused. Your mind was still nothing more than a cup of spilled milk after Atsumu had all but ravaged your senses.

He smiled before pulling you back to your living room. You followed wordlessly, his previous statements slowly pouring into your brain after the intense liplock. It was hard to focus on anything when the attractive setter was making a point to kiss you at an open chance.

“As in packed to move in with me.”

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embrassemoi · 4 years ago

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Saudade 𐂂 J.P

Summary: James Potter realized he spent years chasing after the wrong girl. But is it too late to finally tell you how he feels?

Pairings: James Potter x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans, Sirius Black x Reader

Content: Jealousy, pining, unrequited love, brief mentions of NSFW, NOTHING EXPLICIT, angst, no spell check, first fic ever!

The Gryffindor common room was in full swing as soon as the sun set. They had just won the last match of the year against Slytherin. With the rivalry between the two houses, well amongst all of the houses viruses Slytherin, the celebration was inclusive. Students second year and up from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were asked to celebrate alongside the red and gold. It was a petty move, disrespectful at most. Nonetheless, the party was vibrant and was nowhere close to ending.

In the corner leaning against the wall closest to the drinks, James was already on his third glass of firewhiskey, chatting away quietly with Sirius alongside a couple of other Gryffindors on the quidditch team, planning out the next years team. Out of the corner of his eyes, James sees the entrance to the common room open. Curious to who would come to the party this late, he extends his neck only to see you enter the room, hands filled with small wrapped gifts and dressed in a short yet casual dress. Turning to talk to Lily, James' eyes never wavered, even with the presence of fiery-red hair.

It was shocking to him, he didn't expect you to come, you weren't known to party until he remembered that you were dating Sirius who joined the quidditch team this year. Of course, you would come to congratulate him.

You and James were first introduced by Remus. You and Remus had rather an academic friendship at first until she had stumbled upon him in the hospital wing after a nasty full moon. Soon afterwards, a beautiful friendship bloomed that rivalled his friendship with the Marauders until Sirius, James, and Peter forced him to introduce you to them.

In all honesty, James had not paid you attention when you two were first introduced. He admitted, you were pretty, smart, and had a fun personality. That was rare, indeed rare when someone had the full package but nobody could compare to his hyper fixation on the so-called love of his life, his Lily-Pad, the girl of his dreams. But that was two years ago and over time, the constant rejection from Lily had caused James to lose confidence. The chase was no longer fun, her irritated attitude towards him had worn him down. However, James continued to engage in the push and pull with Lily. It was mostly out of habit and his hard work finally paid off. It seemed like a waste to not at least pursue a relationship with Lily.

But within those two years, James fell out of love with Lily and instead fell in love with you. Instead of being shut down for telling a joke, you laughed and encouraged him to continue. Never had you tried to change him, to be quieter or less annoying. You simply let him be who he was and enjoyed his company. It was quite a drastic change from Lily to you and he couldn't pinpoint when he decided to choose you. Maybe when he started to look for you in the great hall rather than Lily or decided to ask you for help. But he did know he fully realized he had fallen for you when he didn't smell lilies, old books and Lily's perfume in the Amortentia Slughorn brewed but instead smelled coffee grounds, the rain and your perfume. You always smelled of coffee, rain and the sweet sugary smell of your perfume he had bought you for Christmas.

Days, weeks, months and then years went by and James Potter still couldn't bring himself to tell her how he felt. If anything, it felt as if his heart was pressed against a microphone, booming with every rapid beat.

But if he was honest, the familiar pain of unrequited love settled in his heart. The once unrequited love he received from Lily was nowhere close to the pain he felt for her.

What made it harder was that he would never be able to express it to her as James snapped out of his daze to feel Sirius leaving his side and made a beeline to her. He saw how his best friend's eyes light up when she smiled back at him. How the light twinkled back in her eyes when she smiled back.

"I never thought in a million years it would be her," a raspy voice says beside him. Remus had replaced Sirius' spot and he grabbed a red solo cup on the table beside them, leaning against the same wall as James.

With a forced chuckle, James let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, we always thought it would be you pal."

A loud groan comes from Remus' mouth, "Would you stop with that, Prongs! She's practically my sister you prat!"

Never once did his eyes leave her until Sirius leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Gazing downwards, James took a sip of the burning whisky and closed his eyes. He felt his heart crack all over again and felt the painful sensation to cry build up. A beat passes again, Remus was starting to become worried about the change in his friend's behaviour. Deciding to break the silence, he turned back to the couple and spoke again."You know, I think she's the one."

James swore he felt his heart crack as he opened his eyes and stared back at his friend, frowning. Even if he wanted, and he very much wanted to, he could never choose his happiness over Sirius.

Never over Sirius' happiness. Not after what he's been through, not after when his family abused him, broke him down and disowned him. Not after all the times Sirius had been there for James. Not when he considered him family.

But it was also undeniable their spark, even James couldn't deny it. Dropping his head, he rotated his red cup to stare at the amber liquid. Instead of the bright contrast of the red reminding him of Lily, the deep comforting golden brown reminded him of you. Another nudge from Remus had James quickly looking up.

"James! Remus!" you greeted, quickly pulling Remus then James into a hug. He took a moment before handing his drink to Remus to fully wrap his arms around her waist, basking in her warmth and the smell of her hair.

Having been friends and having feelings for James for so long never served you any good. You would always be second to Lily and everyone knew that except you and James."Look at you! At a party? Whew, finally came out of a cave, eh?" he said when you pulled away, eyes glazed over and jaw clenched.

"Hardy har, Prongs. I had too and I wouldn't have missed it," you smiled, slightly turning back to look at Remus now talking to Sirius across the room. "You think I would miss yours and Sirius's last quidditch game... ever! If so, my, my, my Fleamont! You really are that daft then, aren't you?"A smile appeared on both of their faces before a gut-wrenching had both of them laughing before James glanced down at her hands. It was a small wooden box painting in both red and gold with a bow on top. Pointing to it he asked, "Who's that for? Sirius?"

"No actually, I gave him a gift earlier. This - this is for you," she said in a shaky, quiet voice. Reaching for his hand, you pulled it towards your body, turning it over to see the palm of his hand. As you placed the box into his hand, James' body felt electric, going into overdrive from your touches. "This better not be some prank you and Sirius are pulling on me," he said, starting to get a little nervous.

"No, seriously. Open it."

As he unlatched the small hinge on the box, the inside was furnished with soft red velvet. In the middle sat a golden ring with the word 'Saudade' engraved inside the band.

"Saudade?" he asked, still looking down at the ring.

It was your time to glance down. Avoiding the question, she asked, "So do you like it?" Panic started to arise when he didn't respond. Perhaps he didn't like it?

Repeating, "James, do you like-." As she continued to stare at James, she saw teardrops falling onto the soft velvet. "James, oh my god I'm sorry I didn't think-"

"I love it." Finally looking to see her face, he gives a weak smile, snuffling. He takes his hand to wipe his face and pulls her back into a hug. "Thank you, I l-love y-." He pauses before starting again, " I love it so much."

"I got it made about a week ago. It was the last game you were going to play so I thought I should get you something special. To remember it."

Pulling back to look him in the face, she smiles again and reaches up to ruffle his hair. "I'm glad you like it, James." His heart soared at the mention of his name before finally breaking apart. Sirius strides over, arms wrapping around her waist before tucking her head under his chin.

"Wow, Prongs, buddy, you alright?" Weakly nodding, he smiles back at him.

"Damn, you broke him didn't you, love? Trying to steal my spot as best friend huh?"

The three giggle before Sirius once again whispers in her ear and James returns to his spot leaning against the wall watching heat rush to both of his best friends' faces. Unable to continue to look, he looks in the opposite direction where he spots Lily and Remus. Lily was chatting away excitedly to him, presumably about life after Hogwarts, but Remus was already staring back. A look of recognition finally rushed through him. He was too observant for his own good. As Remus stepped forward, James' attention turned back to the couple in front.

"Hey Prongs, we have to go. We'll see you tomorrow."

Bidding their goodbyes quickly, you and Sirius both leave, hands wrapped together as you both head up the towers leading to the dorm rooms.

In his daze, Lily touches his arm, peering at him through her eyelashes. She begins to talk, choosing to hold his arm and lean her head against his shoulder. James tries his hardest to focus on her words but the cracking of his heart is louder.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. It won't slow down.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. It's becoming dangerously loud.

He looks back at Remus, a smile of pity gracing his lips.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump

That very night, after James and Lily had made love for the very first time. As Lily was fast asleep on his chest, James slowly detached himself from the red-head and crept out of her bed, snuck out into the shrieking shack and cried. He cried for hours until the sun raised. He yelled, he broke items in the worn-down house, until he was too tired to move. He felt disgusting and guilt riddled every bone in his body. He had never felt emotional pain similar to this. The pain was inexplicable, pretending to have never loved you and Lily instead. The anguish of having to see his best friend love you instead. The grief he felt when he found out Sirius was planning to propose, and the unbearable discomfort he felt when he was asked to be his best man. The agony he felt as he put on his most expensive suit with Lily by his side. The hurt he felt when he saw your beautiful face walk down the aisle, eyes never once leaving Sirius. The despondency he felt when he had to give a speech about how you and Sirius were made for each other.

And as James watched the love of his life and best friend have their first dance as husband and wife, he never felt as hopeless as he did in that very moment. With the wrong woman by his side, a golden ring strung onto a chain underneath his suit shined bright, close to his heart.

Saudade

The nostalgic yearning to be near something or someone again that is distant or has been loved and then lost. It also means that an object or person of longing that might never be had again. Some refer to the word as "the love that remains."

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itgirlification · 4 years ago

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supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

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aminiatureworld · 4 years ago

Text

Affection

Characters: Albedo, Beidou, Keqing, Zhongli, gn!reader

Word Count: 4,705

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: Sometime we know something is impossible from the start. But still we walk towards it, even if we know it will hurt us. It’s only flirting, only a smile or a hug or some food. Even if nothing comes of it, there is nothing to regret. Even if it hurts.

In which the reader gives affection, expecting nothing in return.

Author’s Note: More “new” characters! I’ve been neglecting Keqing and Beidou, they deserve some love. I hope as always their characterizations live up to expectations! This was very fun to write, so I hope you enjoy it!

I couldn’t tell whether to make this melancholy or fluffy, so I guess I half-and-half-ed it. Best of both worlds, right? Although the tone feels definitely lighter.

Albedo

Your friends never could figure out why you were flirting with Albedo.

“That alchemist has nothing on his mind but work,” one of them once told you, “he’ll never reciprocate your feelings you know.”

“I know.” You’d replied, smiling the sort of smile people put on when they’re trying to show they’re not annoyed. “I know he doesn’t like me in that way, you don’t have to tell me.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Because I want to.” You’d shrugged, shifting the conversation to some other topic. In all honesty, it wasn’t as if your friend was lying. But neither were you, not really. There wasn’t any good explanation for why you were flirting with Albedo after all. You knew that he’d never take it seriously, knew you weren’t good enough for it anyways. Maybe that’s why you flirted with him. Maybe it was better to make the slightest fool of yourself than drive yourself mad thinking about something that could never be.

So you continued on your merry, if slightly self-destructive way. Every time you saw Albedo, which was quite a bit considering the fact you were often posted around Dragonspine and spent a lot of your free time in the square right outside his office, you ran his way, asking him what he was doing, or telling him about your own day. You’d developed this habit of leaning in a bit whenever he spoke to you, and the slight pause he gave as his smile grew wider whenever you did made your heart soar.

Not that you ever started thinking there was ever a chance. I mean, come on. Albedo was Albedo and you were you. There was a great deal of distance between the two of you, as if you were standing on opposite sides of a bridge which was liable to fall at any moment. You could shout across at each other, but never did you attempt to walk over to him, knowing it’d surely result in disaster.

Still, why did you flirt with Albedo? The question sort of haunted you at times. You enjoyed his company, you’d even told him you enjoyed his company. He’d smiled his sedate smile, pausing for a moment to look away from the painting he was working on. “I enjoy your company too.” He’d said, before turning back to his work. It was a quiet, calm, even sort of response, just the sort you’d expected. And yet you kept going, and though you made no attempt to push the boundaries or go any farther, you still wondered at times what the point of it was.

Perhaps following that line of thought was a bit dangerous. You found the more you asked yourself what you expected out of your closeness with Albedo, the more absent you seemed to be. It wasn’t as if you were trying to avoid him or anything, no quite the contrary. It was only that you tended to want to be alone when you were thinking about something like this. Reaching out was hard, especially to the person who you were thinking about.

“Are you alright?” You glanced up from the lunch you were pondering over to see Albedo leaning over you. Feeling your cheeks redden you jumped slightly.

“Albedo! Oh I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying any attention to my surroundings! Sit down!” You gestured vaguely to the spot on the bench next to you. Albedo smiled politely, sitting down as directed. He seemed to sober however once he was sitting, scanning your face for something, though you weren’t sure what that something was.

“You seem… absent recently, I was wondering if something was the matter.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly fine!” You shook your hands out in front of you. “I guess I’ve just been sort of busy recently, or maybe a little tired I guess. You know that the festival is coming up, right? Well Acting Grand Master Jean is really running us ragged! But I promise I’ll be back to normal soon!” You laughed awkwardly; it wasn’t as if you weren’t telling the truth per se, just… not the whole truth. But you’d rather not put all your troubles on Albedo, not when he was reaching out to see if you were okay. Smiling once more you attempted to switch topics. “How’s your research? Have you found something new while I’ve been gone?”

“Yes, I’ve begun to study the reaction between macrophage and eukaryotic cells in contrast with prokaryotic cells, and how adding elemental effects to reactions either speeds up or slows down the reaction. But I’m glad to hear you’re alright,” Albedo seemed to relax a bit, leaning backwards slightly on the bench, “everything has been much quieter with you gone. It’s unnatural, I can’t focus as well. I keep finding myself distracted by little things. I look forward to participating in our conversations once more.”

“Well I’ll be there soon!” You promised, heart fluttering slightly. Did he really mean that? I mean sure, it didn’t mean anything more than what was on the tin. Your situation hadn’t changed that much. Still, it meant something to you that Albedo wasn’t just tolerating your presence, that he was actually somewhat involved in your friendship. “I promise I’ll have some very interesting topics of conversation when I come back.”

“Good.” Albedo nodded once more before smiling slightly sheepishly. “My workspace is currently going through a cleaning and the lab isn’t supposed to let any foreign substances in in; would you mind terribly if I ate with you?”

“Not at all!” You responded. “I love spending my free time with you. What have you brought?”

Why did you flirt with Albedo? Why did you seek out his presence despite you and everyone around you knowing full well that it was never going to come to anything? What did you even think of Albedo? Well you could answer that last one at least. You loved him. You loved him very much. And even if he didn’t reciprocate the way you did, even if your friends told you it was pointless and your mind chastised you for putting yourself through the ringer, even if all that was true, you weren’t going to stop. Because you were Albedo’s friend and he was yours. And for now that was enough.

Even if a part of you continued to hope that one day this would change.

Beidou

Beidou was utterly out of your league and you knew it.

It wasn’t exactly a difficult conclusion to come to after all. Brash, outspoken, good with a sword, Beidou embodied that sort of restless, self-reliant spirit you wish you yourself could emanate.

It didn’t hurt that Beidou had essentially rescued you from destitution, having found you languishing in a corner of one of the seedier docks of Liyue, and having taken you in quickly after the fact. You owed her a great deal, and was glad to do so. After all you’d fallen hopelessly in love with Beidou.

Life aboard a slightly illegal ship was bound to be an intimate one. Everyone knew everything about everyone else, and it was very difficult to find someone that hadn’t heard about your crush. Someone who wasn’t Beidou, that was. Although it wasn’t like you attempted to hide it; you just never brought it out in the open. And who could blame you? How could anyone who’d nearly died of starvation waiting for some sort of divine help compare to the bravest captain you’d ever met?

So you two settled into a routine of sorts, at least in your mind. You ate every meal as close to her as possible, something which had been difficult at first but as the “secret” spread around became almost comically easy, you discussed your plans with her first, gave her various trinkets you’d found in your travels, asked her opinions about your weapon then asked her to train with you. The training sessions had almost killed your resolve not to tell her, nothing was so intimate as having someone constantly checking your posture, moving and arm here a leg there, closely monitoring how you moved and acted.

All the while you said nothing. It felt selfish after all to even think about it. Beidou had many a time told her crew that they were one big family. On top of the obviously platonic motives behind her love for you, you weren’t about to impose on the crew by trying to take the spot as favorite or partner. It’d make you feel sleazy.

But damn if sometimes your resolve wasn’t tempted. It was the night after a particularly successful raid, and everyone was drunk out of their minds. Even you were tipsy, although compared to the rest you were positively sober. Sitting next to Beidou, who was walking up and down the tables making speeches of various levels of comprehensibility, you thanked the archons above that this woman had saved you. It was all worth the pain and suffering, if only to see her smile, which was blinding at the moment.

“You were brave, my dear compatriots! Distinguished! Honored! Positively courageous!” Beidou let out a slight “hic”, her vocabulary always did turn a bit grand when she drank too much. “Indeed, I’m sure not even the greatest of emperors had an army which could rival the visage of our band of brothers! Storming the deck, why we all might’ve perished! Damned visions, they’re for cheaters! For fraudsters! You all fight without them, and in doing so you prove yourself far more valiant, far more exemplary than they do!” Evidently Beidou had forgotten she herself was a vision wielder. Then again, so had everyone else.

“On this night of victory, of perilous and prestigious triumph, I wish to congratulate the greatest of warriors! This! My proverbial right hand man, the distinguished…” Beidou turned around towards you, gesturing in a very flamboyant sort of manner. You stood there, shocked by the sudden attention, blushing deeply, brain so filled with awe that you only half realized Beidou couldn’t remember your name.

“Yes! This person, this noble scalawag!” Beidou lifted you up so you were standing next to her, archons was she strong. “Now I don’t believe in laws, but if I did I’d marry them I would! You all ought to be more like them, mark my words I want to see some shaping up! There are no levels on this ship, but if there were they’d be higher than you all! Pay attention to my words, they are final!” And with that, speech apparently over, Beidou planted a soft, if slightly messy, kiss on your cheek.

If it weren’t for the people around you, you might’ve fainted.

The next day announced itself with a headache, though as the least hungover of the group you were put in charge of dishing out the medicine and water. The whole ship appeared to be groaning, and though the crew was usually quite active and excited at almost any hour of the day, you could tell that most of the men and women just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.

“Captain wants to see you when you’re done with your rounds.” There were a few other people helping you out, and the one that informed you about this raised an eyebrow as you promptly turned white as a sheet, before a splotchy shade of red covered your face. What was she going to say? Had she remembered what had happened the night before? You admitted to yourself that maybe banking on Beidou forgetting was a doomed cause from the start. Beidou was perhaps brash and a lover of alcohol, but her memory was sharp, and she somehow managed to never drink herself to total incompetence. If you challenged a drunk Beidou to a duel your chances were going to be about the same as if you’d challenged her sober. Hell maybe they’d be even worse. With that grim thought in mind you distributed the last of the medicine, wiping your hands needlessly on your clothes before walking towards the captain’s cabins.

You loved Beidou’s cabins, they somehow seemed both incredibly grand and inexplicably homey. With furniture made out of a plush and luxurious red sort of material, it was nonetheless crowded by knickknacks; drawings, carvings, and other such paraphernalia littered the shelves and the dressers. Beidou had once told you almost all of it was from current or former shipmates. The luxuries they stole had no use in her home.

“Captain Beidou?” You ventured. The captain was at her desk, scribbling out something, probably a plan. She loved to plan in her free time, whether or not the plan was something doable or a total fantasy. Now she looked up, setting her pen down and smiling her classic, cocky grin.

“Ah, my favorite shipmate. How’re we feeling today?”

“W-well!” You managed to get out, a bit distracted by the nickname. Ah, it seemed she had remembered at least part of it. “Um, captain, I was told you wanted to see me.”

“Yes, I did. I’ve been thinking since last night, thinking a great deal, and I was wondering, what would you think to becoming my partner, in a, well, romantic sort of sense.”

“So suddenly?” You replied, eyes widening but nevertheless cracking a smile. Beidou’s confession had been blunt, devoid of all the usual flourishes. And yet it was what you wanted, what you’d always wanted.

“Well why not?” Beidou shrugged nonchalantly. “After all considering how you’ve been acting towards me for the past few months, I figured why not become my partner. Unless I’ve been reading you wrong of course.”

“No!” You exclaimed. “I mean yes, I mean, well yes to the first and no to the second. I’d love to become your partner, and you haven’t been reading me wrong.” Your gaze dropped to the floor. “I just figured I wasn’t good enough. I mean you’re… you. And besides, you said we were all a family. I figured you wouldn’t want me as a partner.”

Beidou raised her eyebrow slightly as her smile melted into a smirk. Shaking her head slightly she approached you, raising your gaze every so slightly. “Well I can tell you right now I’m not too good for you. Not only are you good with a weapon, but you’re about as tough and fearless as they come. I don’t want to hear about how you’re secretly scared or whatnot. Everyone is that doesn’t matter. But you fight well and without second thought. And I admire that. And as for the speech about family, well a romantic partner is family of some kind. Besides the crew won’t mind, they’ve been talking about it for ages.”

“I guess they have.” You blushed; apparently Beidou hadn’t been as uninformed as you thought.

“Any last words before you’re my partner?” Beidou’s smile was as wide as you’d ever seen it and just as infectious; you grinned back.

“I love you.”

“Good. Now,” Beidou smiled, planting a soft kiss on your cheek and then a peck on your lips – something which left you grasping for coherent thought “let’s tell the others.”

Keqing

Working with Keqing was an experience akin to slowly dying inside.

You’d become somewhat enamored with the Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing ever since you’d first met her. Her brusque and honest manner was refreshing, and when listening to her talk about the archons, about Liyue, about how the past and the present tied together, you never really seemed to question her. She always gave off the impression of intelligence, and, unlike some others you’d met, she had the brains to back it up. And what could you say? Before you knew it you had a crush on her.

Yet working with her showed other sides of Keqing too. She was very self-conscious when it came to compliments. Not that she minded them per se, as one time you’d asked her if your constant praise was a bother. “I just never know how to respond.” She’d admitted, and to be fair you understood that. But as long as she told you she liked them you’d compliment her.

Of course you knew it could never go beyond that. Keqing was your coworker; she was your superior in almost every way, both in occupation and in character. She never lost her cool or found herself off guard when fighting treasure hoarders or when dealing with rowdy citizens. She was efficient, capable, and aware of her incredible abilities. And she didn’t feel the need for a partner, something she had told you every time someone else worked up the courage to ask her out. You couldn’t bring yourself to impose on her like they did, not when you knew what her answer would be.

It was a slightly disheartening existence, and indeed sometimes you wondered what the point of it was, wondered if you shouldn’t just quit. But that wouldn’t be fair, not to Liyue, and not to Keqing herself. She relied upon the other members of the Liyue Qixing to work efficiently and without sudden disruption. And the sudden quitting of someone who was hardly at the bottom of the ranks would’ve certainly done just that.

Besides, Keqing was first and foremost your friend. It was a bit of a fragile friendship, yes, but it was friendship nonetheless; and you valued that friendship well above your own infatuation. If you had to bottle your feelings up so be it. You owed it to Keqing to keep it together, to not impose on her what she obviously didn’t want and to not punish her for it by drawing away. So it hurt, so what? A lot of things hurt, doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing or experiencing. And this was certainly one of those things.

It was late evening, and most of the cubicles were dark. You sat, writing the last few sentences of a report, trying to ignore the headache that had been developing since earlier that day. A friend had attempted to set you up on a blind lunch date, and though you appreciated their motive the whole thing had been a chore, and now you were late on your work.

“Almost done?” Keqing’s voice broke through your mental grumblings. Looking up at her you nodded, and Keqing smiled in satisfaction. “Good. Can’t have one of our best workers getting sick on account of working too hard.”

“I won’t get sick.” You assured her. Finally stamping the paper you let out a sigh leaning back in your chair.

“A difficult day?”

“You could say that,” you admitted, “a friend went on a slightly appreciated but incredibly unnecessary mission to get me to go out on a date. Honestly, I’d rather her just treat me to lunch.”

“I can understand the feeling.” Keqing frowned in sympathy. “People are too obsessed with the idea of romance, so much so it blinds them. There are more important things in this world.”

“I’d say most people consider love pretty important.” You commented. Keqing shook her head in response.

“Perhaps, but aren’t ideals better than individual wishes? Romance may be fun, perhaps, but there are other things to consider. Besides, I find your company far more enjoyable than I would any date.”

“You do?” You responded, heart fluttering slightly; you hoped Keqing didn’t notice the blush spreading across the bridge of your nose and coloring your cheeks. Luckily it was slightly dark in the office.

“Oh certainly,” Keqing waved her hand dismissively, “you’re the best coworker and friend I’ve ever had. No significant other could give me advice like you do, or help me so much when I’m struggling with work or with my thoughts, and dates are so formal and boring and awkward compared to spending an afternoon with you. Really I’m perfectly content relationship wise with our friendship. Relationships are full of pitfalls, people keeping this little thing from their partner, or omitting that little act. No, better to have an open and supportive friendship like we do.”

“I’m glad you think so.” You replied, and really you did. You’d known since day one that a romantic relationship was off the table. So if you could stay by Keqing’s side and support her, if only a little longer, then you’d be perfectly content.

Even if a part of you still wished that things could’ve been different.

Zhongli

To be fair to Zhongli you weren’t sure how much he understood of any type of human relationship. The fact that the Geo Archon had befriended you in the first place was an achievement in itself.

And yet he had befriended you, and soon you’d found yourself falling in love with the slightly aloof, slightly out of touch geo archon. Zhongli was much more than that of course. Surprisingly open, the ex-deity took to finding out information about humanity with zeal. Always eager to ask you questions and to hear about how your day had gone or how you felt after something particularly happy or sad or gratifying, Zhongli had morphed into a pseudo confidante for you. Someone you found yourself relying on more and more. His gentle nature didn’t hurt either, or his looks for that matter; all in all Zhongli seemed like the perfect sort of person, and though you knew that you’d never be able to measure up to an archon, you found yourself unable to suppress the overwhelming love you felt for him.

Zhongli didn’t seem to mind your openness at all, indeed he sort of relished it, or at least he seemed to. Every time you reached out to grab his hand he gladly slipped it into yours, and whenever you ran up and hugged him after a long period of not seeing one another he always hugged you back. He’d eat lunches with you, and sometimes dinners, and sometimes weekends were spent running around Liyue, or at home listening to one another’s stories or reading one another’s books. It’s truly a magical sort of feeling to share a book with someone. But then again with Zhongli everything seemed magical.

Of course affection aside the whole matter never crossed the line of friendship. You never told him of your affections, and in return Zhongli never initiated anything further than conversation. Not that it bothered you; you felt there was a bit of a gap between you and Zhongli. After all surely it was idealization which caused you to recognize that someone like Rex Lapis had no want or inclination towards engaging in a relationship with a mere mortal. Facts are facts, and there’s no changing them, no matter how much you wanted to.

And yet how odd fate is.

“What is being in love like?”

You looked up at Zhongli, trying desperately to act as if you hadn’t felt your heart rate spike to unhealthy levels.

“Uhm… what do you mean what is love like?”

“I’ve noticed mortals are very enamored with love. I have to admit, my experience with romance is minimal; archons and adepti seldom see romance as something that affects them. But I want to know, as a human, what is love like to you?” There was no mockery or sense of superiority in Zhongli’s face. Not that you expected there to be. Zhongli never looked down upon humans as unequal. Many times he’d told you he admired them. Taking a breath you thought of your answer.

“Well… hmm. Love is very different for everyone. To some love is like an inferno; it’s very sudden and very intense. It sort of burns them up, it’s all they think about. I think that’s less love, more infatuation, but to some that is indeed love. To others love is sort of… staid. It’s being able to rely on them, to talk to them about anything and everything without feeling embarrassed or like you have to put on some sort of show. It’s knowing that there’s someone who will always side with you or help you realize what’s right, or be there when you feel terrible. To them love isn’t passionate, it’s comforting.”

“And to you?” Zhongli interrupted, a look of thoughtfulness on his face.

“Well to me it’s somewhere in the middle, I suppose to most people it’s somewhere in the middle. And this is only romantic love after all. Love is so big, so all encompassing, I think it’s hard to pin down. But to me romantic love is both; it is the passion that causes people to do crazy things and espouse crazy sorts of ideals, and it is the staid comfort of knowing there is someone who will always understand you, and always support you in that understanding.” You paused, realizing you’d been prattling on a bit. “Why, may I ask? Is there a reason you want to know.”

“Yes,” Zhongli admitted, voice slightly less calm than usual. “I, I’ve been thinking about my feelings towards someone a great deal recently; they’ve been alien, although not distressing per se. They feel as if I’m always on some sort of edge, but I don’t feel upset by it. Instead I want to approach it, want to be around the person who makes me feel that way. I wanted to understand that emotion more. I wondered if it was love. Thank you for answering my question, it was most enlightening.”

“That person must be very lucky.” You replied, keeping your tone as light as possible, trying to ignore your emotions, which had risen and dropped so very quickly. “I suppose I’ll have to lay off on the affection now. Part of love is sometimes being a little bit jealous, at least in the beginning, at least for some people. It’s silly, really, but I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” Zhongli’s tone was surprisingly wry, as if there was a joke somewhere you’d missed.

“Why?” You asked, brow furrowing slightly.

“Because the person whom I was enquiring about is you.”

Honestly you would’ve been less surprised if Zhongli had told you that he was going to run away from Liyue and join the circus. All you could manage to sputter out was: “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!” Zhongli chuckled slightly. He raised his hand, gloved fingers ghosting your cheek as he tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. “I’ve suspected it for some time, but I wanted to be sure. Are you alright with me telling you this?”

Alright? You were over the moon! Had you ever been this happy before? You weren’t sure, but you were happy now.

“Of course it’s alright. Zhongli, I’ve liked you for months now.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Zhongli tilted his head slightly in confusion. You stared down at your hands, slightly embarrassed.

“I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I mean you’re an archon and I’m a mortal. I’m hardly different from the other people of Liyue, and I just, I don’t know, I was scared of rejection, I was scared you’d think I was overstepping and that our friendship would crumble. And I didn’t think I could stand that.”

At first Zhongli said nothing, instead he held out his hand. You gladly placed your palm in his, comforted by its warmth.

“You shouldn’t hold yourself so cheaply,” Zhongli spoke softly, “there are a great many extraordinary things about you. Your affectionate nature, your determination to live even when the world is dark and dangerous, your willingness to open your heart to some ancient archon who knows little of humans. If that’s not extraordinary, I don’t know what is. I don’t feel towards anyone as I do towards you, at least I haven’t in a long time. So don’t think of yourself that way anymore, please.”

“I won’t.” You replied. And it was true. You knew you wouldn’t be able to, not anymore. Zhongli would make sure of that, already you could tell.

To some love burns like fire in the mind, to other it wraps you up in a blanket of comfort. You felt incredibly lucky, for you despite yourself demanded both, and somehow fate had bestowed it upon you. And for that you would be forever grateful.

#is damn a swear word?#I tagged just in case #I have sort of triumphed over my computer #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #albedo #beidou #keqing #zhongli #albedo x reader #beidou x reader #keqing x reader #zhongli x reader #scenarios #my writing #requested

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the-bau-quinjet · 4 years ago

Text

The Perks of Cold Weather

Hello! This is just a whole lot of fluff because I need some positive vibes this week. Feel free to send some requests my way if you’d like! They can be as specific or as vague as you want and I’ll do my best. None of my ideas are currently working for me.

Summary: Reader and Spencer have some fun in the snow in a small town in Alaska.

Words: 2996

Warnings: none I think

When you first started at the BAU, you were quick to realize the group was more like a family than coworkers. It was clear in the little things they did for each other on case, like the way JJ and Spencer would comfort each other on particularly difficult cases to the slight bickering that would inevitably start up between Derek and Emily about anything that didn’t really matter.

You were quick to find your place in the little family as well. Well, not find it so much as fall into it, but you didn’t mind. You were only 28 years old, meaning you were the youngest member of the BAU. Being the youngest meant a lot of teasing from the “older sibling” personalities of everyone except Rossi and Hotch. Their personalities were much more parent-esque. With how much they’d tease you, you were always quick to jump on the chance to tease them for a change. The perfect opportunity arose when a case came up in Alaska.

Penelope walked through the bullpen, calling you all into the roundtable room right before you left for the day. “Hello my wonderful crime fighters. I wish I had better news, but this case is a real whammy. Three women have been found stabbed to death in a small town in Alaska.”

The collective groans of just about everyone in the room were quiet, but obvious.

“I know, I know. Another freezing cold case. I wish I could send you to LA all the time, but alas bad guys aren’t deterred by freezing temperatures.” She went on to explain the details of the case before Hotch dismissed everyone with his typical “Wheels up in 30.”

The team dispersed to collect their go bags- and winter items for the cold weather they would surely be facing in Alaska- before meeting on the jet. When you got there, everyone else was already boarded, and you couldn’t help but feel the low energy of everyone on the plane.

“Don’t tell me the lot of you are afraid of a little snow?” You can’t stop the smirk from appearing on your face as you sit down across from Spencer and adjacent to Emily, Derek, and JJ.

“Big words from someone who hasn’t been on a case in Alaska yet.” Derek’s reply comes without hesitation. The grin on your face only grows when you realize that everyone really is feeling low because of the impending winter wonderland.

“Don’t tell me you’re excited for the cold weather?” JJ shivers just asking the question.

“Of course I am! I’ve always loved the cold. There’s something so magical about watching snow fall. It feels like Christmas!” The four of them stare at you like you’ve lost your mind. “You are seriously telling me none of you like the snow?” You scan all of their faces in disbelief, eyes landing on Spencer last.

“Don’t look at me. I’m from Nevada, it’s basically the desert. Winter in Las Vegas is comparable to fall in DC. The last time it snowed with any significance was in 2003 and that was only an inch.” Spencer nearly starts rambling about weather patterns across the US, but cuts himself off.

“You all are seriously killing my good mood with your bad vibes. I will change at least one of your minds by the end of this case” You say in a huff while putting your headphones on. You try to catch up on some sleep before you all reconvene to discuss the case.

After the briefing and right before landing, everyone starts bundling up in layers upon layers of sweatshirts, jackets, coats, gloves, scarves, and hats. You pull a sweater on over your long sleeve and zip up your FBI jacket, adding a cute beanie more for aesthetics than warmth. You’ve never been one to get overly cold, so you skip a few layers everyone else put on.

The rest of the team marches off the jet as if they would rather be anywhere else, but you don’t let it deter you. You exit the jet with a smile on your face, taking a deep breath of the cool Alaskan air.

“You really are enjoying yourself?” Spencer asks with a small smile. You meet his eye, the look on his face giving you butterflies, before responding.

“Of course I am. It smells like winter!” The two of you share a laugh as you get in the SUV headed to the police precinct to actually get to work.

The case only lasted two days. You were glad to have solved it so quickly, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t going to miss the snow. After the case files are all packed away and Hotch goes off to coordinate the jet, you head outside to absorb every last ounce of winter possible.

“I thought I might find you out here.” Spencer sits next to you on the bench as you stare at the flakes falling from the sky.

“What can I say, I just really love the cold.” You reply without turning your head. “Maybe it’s weird, but I would pick cold over hot any day.”

“I don’t think it’s weird at all! I think it’s kind of cute actually.” That gets your attention and you turn to see he’s looking at his hands in his lap, fiddling with his thumbs. “I like how happy you are when you look at the snow.”

Of course, that makes you smile again. “Thank you, Spence.” You can feel your cheeks heating up, but you’re quickly distracted by the sound of Derek calling the two of you back into the station.

“Hey lovebirds, Hotch needs us.” You roll your eyes at Derek before standing up, offering your hand to Spencer to help him up. He takes your hand, squeezing it slightly as he rises from the bench. He only drops your hand when he goes to hold the door open for you, leading you back inside. The team gathers in the conference room, Hotch walking in with a grim expression.

“I’ll cut to the chase. We won’t be able to fly home until this evening. The snow from last night on top of the storm that’s about to pass through is too much to clear right now.” Everyone, including you, sighs before nodding in understanding. As much as you would love to stay longer, you know it sucks that everyone can’t go home to their families. “This case is wrapped up, so feel free to just explore the town or relax in the hotel. We should be able to take off at 9:00 pm, so I expect to see all of you on the jet by 8:45.” Those words were music to your ears. As everyone begins to pack up to head out, you turn to Spencer.

“I can’t believe this. It’s like a snow day! I’ve always loved snow days! We would always go outside, have a snowball fight, build a snowman, and try to build an igloo but end up giving up when it collapsed for the third time.” He chuckles at your enthusiasm, but nods along as you both walk out of the precinct toward the hotel just down the street. “Then we’d go in for lunch, make hot chocolate and cookies, and watch all our favorite movies.”

“Is that what you want to do today?” Spencer asks as you both walk into the hotel lobby.

“I mean, in a perfect world, yeah. That is exactly what I would want to do today.” You smile wistfully as you think back to your childhood snow days with your siblings.

“Well then, let’s see how perfect we can make the world, just for today.” Spencer’s smiling as he says it, taking in the confusion and shock on your face.

“You mean… You want to build a snowman? With me?” Your heart is beating so forcefully, you wouldn’t be surprised if it flew right out of your chest.

“Yeah, and all the other things too.” Spencer’s words are soft and unsure, contrasting the confidence of his previous statement.

“But you don’t like the cold weather…” You simply can’t fathom why he would volunteer to do these cold weather activities when just two days ago he was talking about how little snow he experienced when he was younger.

“But you do, and we’re stuck here anyway. So, why not?” Hearing that he would spend his day off playing in the snow simply because you want to does things to you that you chose to ignore for the time being.

“O- okay… yeah, let’s do it! ” The two of you smile at each other for a few seconds before you each bring your things to you respective rooms with a plan to meet in the lobby in fifteen minutes.

When you get to your room you pull out the warmest clothes you brought to Alaska. Although it would suffice for walking down the street, it’s not exactly made for playing in the snow. After getting dressed you meet Spencer in the lobby. He is dressed in warmer clothes than you, but still not snow proof.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea…” Your excitement to start this day with Spencer has dwindled since imaging the cold, wet clothes you’d end up in. “The key to a good snow day is waterproof clothes and we definitely don’t have any. How am I going to make you like snow if you’re freezing and wet at the end of the day?” You would expect the resident genius to agree with you, but instead of a grim expression and a nod in agreement, Spencer’s smile grows.

“Don’t worry about it. Just come with me.” He leads you outside of the hotel with his hand on the small of your back all the way down to the town store. “What needs to be waterproof? We can find snow pants, jackets, gloves, and boots right here.” He looks so pleased with himself as he leads you around the store to collect all the items you’ll need. He even picks out a sled for the two of you.

After checking out, he leads you back outside where you pull the waterproof gear on over your warm layers, tossing the tags into a nearby trash can. Before you can say anything, he is again leading you through the town with his hand on the small of your back. He stops when he reaches the park, turning to you once again.

“Where do you want to build the snowman?” You mirror the grin on his face as you run across the park to a flatter area.

You begin compressing the snow in your hands to form the ball that would eventually become the bottom layer of your snowman. Spencer copies your actions, forming a lopsided ball for the middle. You leave Spencer to work on the head while you search around the nearby trees for sticks to use as arms and rocks to use for the eyes and buttons.

After finding the perfect set of sticks, you return to see Spencer adding a carrot nose right in the middle of the head.

“I didn’t even see you buy carrots!” He laughs at your childlike enthusiasm, moving aside so you can add the sticks to the middle. You also add the rocks you gathered for the eyes and buttons. Spencer surprises you again by pulling out a hat and scarf to add the finish touches.

After forcing him to take a selfie with you and the snowman, you walk across the park to find a good sledding hill. You find the perfect hill, and offer to go down first since it’s going to take some effort to form the path. Spencer watches you scooching your way through the snow, forcing the sled down the hill, laughing hysterically. You haven’t been able to enjoy snow like this for years.

Spencer was hesitant to sled down the hill together, but one pout from you and he climbed on right away. The sled picked up pace is you barreled out of control, flipping and rolling down the hill.

You took the opportunity of a distracted Spencer to form a snow ball, waiting until he was only a few feet away to throw it at him. Of course, as soon as it hits him it’s game on. The two of you are running through the park, hiding behind trees, and dodging each other’s snowballs. Spencer, being uncoordinated, mostly missed you. That is, until the very end of the snowball fight when he hits you right in the face, the surprise causing you to fall to the ground.

“Y/N! Are you okay! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” He’s cut off by your laughter.

“Relax Spence, its fine! It was powdery snow. It’s not like you hit me with a chunk of ice.” You smile at him as he helps you to a standing position. You’re so focused on standing up without slipping on the compressed snow beneath your feet, you don’t realize how close the two of you have become. When you look up to meet his eyes, your noses are nearly touching.

Without much thought for the consequences, you lean a few inches forward, ever so slightly brushing your lips against his.

Spencer is so stunned, it takes him much longer than he’d care to admit to reciprocate your affection. So long in fact, that you’ve pulled away and are frantically trying to think of something to say to save your friendship when he pulls you back in.

The two of you don’t pull away again until the need for air overpowers your need for each other. You stay close though, foreheads pressed together.

“Let me take you on a date. A real one where we go into knowing it’s a date.” Spencer says it all in one breath.

“Oh, Spence. This whole day has been a perfect date, even if we didn’t say it at first. But I would love to go on another with you.”

The two of you are all smiles as you walk back toward the café near your hotel. You’ve been outside so long it’s nearly dark- granted it gets dark around 4:00 this time of year in Alaska. Upon entering the café, Spencer is quick to order two hot chocolates and cookies to go.

“I know it’s not the same as baking them ourselves, but we don’t have access to an oven in the hotel.” He says, squeezing your hand before leading you out of the café.

You would blindly follow Spencer anywhere, but that doesn’t stop you from asking him about it. “Where are we going now? I thought we were going to eat…”

“Back to the hotel. We have one more thing to check off the list for your perfect snow day.” Of course he would remember your list from earlier in the day. “So tell me, what’s your favorite snow day movie?”

“That’s actually a tough question. It changes depending on the mood.” You are genuinely trying to think of the perfect movie to end the perfect day as you walk back into the hotel.

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go up to your room and pick out a movie that fits ‘the mood’, and I’ll meet you there in a few minutes?” You simply nod in response, too lost in thought to contemplate where he could be going.

15 minutes later you have finally picked out a movie to watch when Spencer enters your room, carrying a takeout bag.

“I finally found a movie!” You smile at him as you show him your computer screen. Anastasia is queued on your Disney+.

“Perfect. We can now officially start our date.” He smiles, pulling the food out of the bag, he hands you a cup of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. Your heart warms at the sight of it. You know Spencer has an eidetic memory, but you still get butterflies at the idea of him remembering your favorite cold weather food.

The two of you sit against the headboard, setting the computer between you to play the movie. After you’ve finished eating you shuffle around on the bed, moving the laptop so you could cuddle with Spencer.

“I’ve got another reason for you to like the cold weather.” You state matter-of-factly, eyes still trained on the movie.

“Yeah? What is it?” Spencer’s eyes are trained on your face.

“It’s better for cuddling.” A small grin appears on your face at the sound of Spencer’s airy laugh. He pulls you closer, both of you completely content.

As much as you love the cold and snow, dragging yourself out of Spencer’s arms and into the cold air to get to the jet on time was not an exciting task. In fact, it put you in a slightly sour mood, something Morgan was all too quick to pick up on.

“What’s the matter L/N? The cold weather got you down?” He laughs at your annoyed expression.

“Not a chance, Morgan. I quite enjoyed our little snow day actually.” You smile at Spencer as you pull your blanket from your go bag and sit on the couch.

“You actually played in the snow? It was only 22 degrees today!” You can’t help but shake your head. 22 degrees is cold, but nothing compared to how bad it can get in Alaska.

“We did indeed. I think I managed to turn Spencer on to the cold weather too.” Spencer sits down next to you encouraging you to share your blanket.

“How’d you manage that? I’ve been to on enough cases with Pretty Boy here to know he prefers the warmer ones.”

“It’s actually rather simple.” Spencer replies, shifting his arm around you on the back of the couch. You smile as you close your eyes and lean into his touch. “Colder climates make for better cuddles.”

tag list:

@mac99martin

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fluff #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x y/n

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chrisevansjellybeans · 4 years ago

Text

Happier|Part Two

A/N: Here it is! Thank you to everyone who has read part 1 and has sent back such kind feedback. It really means a lot!

Part 1

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: swearing, angsty as hell

Just open the fucking door.

You hesitated as your right hand hovered over the familiar front door. Over the last five years you’ve always just walked in. This home was like your home. But now, he wasn’t just his.

“Just walk in. It’s not rocket science.” You muttered to yourself. Sighing you tapped your fist against the wood.

Your body relaxed a smile fell on your face as you heard Dodger’s familiar bark ring through the house as he approached the door.

“Alright, bubba. Relax.” The butterflies flurried in your stomach as Chris’s voice carried past the door. You gave a small smile as the door flung open to reveal a shirtless Chris. “Why did you knock, you meatball.”

You just shrugged and quickly gave him a hug.

“What are your plans for tonight?” You asked as you both made your way to the kitchen, his arm slung loosely over your shoulder.

“I was supposed to go watch the game with Scott but he wasn’t feeling too hot, so I’m actually just going to stay in. But don’t worry, I won’t get in the way of your girls night.” He laughed, ruffling your hair as you turned the corner and caught view of Carissa.

“Yeah no boys allowed. Right, Y/N?” Carissa dried off her hands and rushed over to you, pulling you into a full body hug. You bit back the frustration when you realized that she was wearing the shirt that you always wore whenever you would spend the night at Chris’s, the familiar fabric like sandpaper under your fingertips now as you gently hugged her back.

“Yeah. No boys.” You said meekly as you took another good look at her. The shirt looked way better on her than it ever did on you. It fell just below her hips, the way it did on you but she somehow made it look so stylish. She just had on a pair of workout leggings underneath and fluffy socks. Her blonde hair was pulled into a sleek ponytail and you noticed how she managed to not look like a founding father with her hair pulled back.

Subconsciously you twisted the bottom of your oversized college crewneck in your fingers. You were practically wearing the same thing as her but you felt like a middle school girl in gym class while she just screamed model off duty.

Add that to the reasons he noticed her and not me.

You needed to stop comparing yourself to her. But it was hard when the stark contrasts were so evident.

“So,” Carissa clapped her hands together. “Chris told me about your love for tequila so I made some of my famous spicy margaritas! And I just put on some popcorn and I may have gone a little overboard at Ulta today.”

You followed her gaze and it landed on an array of face masks and nail polish.

“Sounds like my que to leave. Have fun, ladies.” Chris pecked you on the cheek before pulling Carissa into a passionate kiss. You turned away, your face reddening.

“Thanks, baby.” You heard Carissa sigh. You heard the sound of them kissing again and you looked for any welcome distraction.

As if he could feel your pain, a wet nose booped your hand and you smiled down at your favorite little pup.

“Hi buddy.” You bent down and pressed a kiss to his nose. “I’ve missed you so much. Yes I have.” You ruffled his fur and smiled a genuine smile as he started licking your face.

“Oh boy, Bubba found his girlfriend.” Chris laughed as he bent down next to you. “I think he missed you more than I did when we were in Canada. Every time we would FaceTime his ears would perk up.”

“That’s cause he’s my best bud.” You kept talking to Dodger.

“Ouch.” Chris gently pushed you. You winked in his direction and for a moment everything felt normal. Chris’s eyes sparkled as if he was appreciating the normalcy too.

“Chris, please.” You were snapped out of it when Carissa let out a playful whine.

Chris blinked and then slapped his hands on his knees and stood up. “Alright, baby. I’m gone.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“He did not!” Carissa burst out laughing as you finished telling the story of when Chris singlehandedly knocked down an entire aisle in CVS.

“I’ve never seen him turn so red in my life. I think he went back to that CVS every day for the next year to apologize. And of course he stayed afterwards to help clean up.” You wiped your eyes, tears falling from laughter.

“Sounds just like him.”

You took another sip of your margarita. You were surprised at how much fun you were actually having. You guys had just finished your second sheet mask of the night and were currently working on demolishing the stuffed crust pizza you ordered. Manis and Pedis to follow.

“Have I walked in on an evil plan being hatched?” You both turned as Chris emerged from the basement, Dodger in tow. Thankfully he had put a shirt on because his tattoos always did something to you.

“Had to share the CVS Incident of ‘17.” You replied as Carissa hid her face as she giggled again.

“Oh god,” Chris groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead. “Please. Let that story die.” You watched as he positioned himself behind Carissa, caging her in with his arms. You always knew Chris was an affectionate person. If it was a year ago, you would have been the one trapped between him. He had a lot of love to give and wasn’t afraid to show it. He placed a kiss on the top of her head before his blue eyes met yours.

You knew that he was silently asking you if you were having a good time. You could see the sense of hope that was behind the question.

“You came up just in time for a manicure.” Carissa turned around on the stool and smiled up at her boyfriend. “I’m thinking hot pink would look amazing on you.”

“I don’t know, I think he’s more of an aquamarine kind of guy.” You lifted up the shade of blue that was in front of you. “Compliments his eyes.”

“Ooh, you are so right, Y/N/N.”

“Wow, would you look at that? Looks like the game is back on.” Chris jokingly started moving away from Carissa.

“Oh come on, baby. One hand.” Carissa pulled at his hand, her lips coming out in a pout.

Chris gave her a look of fake annoyance but you could see the smile forming on his lips before he let out a dramatic sigh.

“One hand.”

“Yay!”

You watched as Chris sat down and Carissa got to work painting his nails.

“Okay, Y/N. Tell me about the men in your life.” Carissa looked away from Chris’s hand and turned to you.

“Well, I guess you’ve already met them. Chris, Scott and Dodger are it.” You shrugged, half kidding and half not. Chris gave you a look of what you could only call pity and you chose to ignore him. You could feel your face become hot at your lack of a love life.

“Oh that can’t be the case. You’re absolutely gorgeous, there’s no way that men aren’t all over you. Right, Chris? Tell her she’s beautiful.”

“She knows I think she’s beautiful.” Chris said, his tone seriously as his eyes never left yours. “It’s more of getting her to know that.”

“We’re not going to talk about it.”

You and Chris stared each other down before Carissa cleared her throat.

“Well one day you are going to find something like what we have. The hopeless romantic in me truly believes that there is someone for everyone; and I know that if we can find happiness like this, so can you. You’re an amazing person, Y/N.”

You looked down and bit your lip. You wanted so badly not to like her, to have her be some terrible person so you could justify the feelings that you had for her boyfriend. And yet, here she was, being the kindest person and caring truly for your feelings and your happiness.

“Thank you, Carissa.”

She smiled a toothy grin before turning her attention back to Chris. Chris kept his eyes on you a moment longer but when you didn’t look back he sighed and focused on his girlfriend.

- - - - - - -

“You don’t have to do that.” Carissa came up behind you as you finished washing the plates from before.

“It’s really no problem.” You shrugged. “You did all of this, the least I can do is clean up.”

“Yeah, but you’re my guest. A host should never have her guest clean up.” You knew she meant it without malice but the words stung. She was right. That’s all you were in this house, a guest. You were their guest. They lived here, together.

You just nodded and finished the plate you were cleaning before stepping away from the sink so Carissa could finish. You mumbled that you were headed to the bathroom and quickly made your departure from the kitchen.

You rounded the familiar corner and bit your lip as you were five steps away from the bathroom, where you could finally take a deep breath.

“Hey sweetheart.” You jumped as Chris stepped out of his bedroom, a grin plastered on his face. “I think you made a good call on the nail polish color.” He waved his fingers in your face, jokingly.

You let out a soft laugh but refused to meet his eyes, instead eying the bathroom door that was so close and yet so far.

“Okay, come on.” Chris’s voice got serious. “Is there something going on at work? Are you sick? Why are you so…” Chris motioned his hands up and down your body.

“So what, Chris?”

“So sad?” His eyebrows creased in concern. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Not everything.

“I told you at the restaurant, I’m fine.”

“Yeah and I barely believed you then.” You bit your lip and once again looked away from him. You should have known that he knew you were lying out of your ass.

“Chris, it doesn’t matter. It’s not your problem.” You huffed.

“Of course it’s my problem.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“But it’s not.” You snapped. Chris took a step back at your sudden change in attitude. “Just back off. You’re not my boyfriend.”

“And?” He snapped back, but he did move closer to you. He reached out and grabbed your forearms, pulling you into him. “I may not be your boyfriend but I am your best friend.”

“Chris, just let it go. It doesn’t even concern you.” You lied as you pushed him away.

“Well clearly this one thing as something to do with me. Since you’ve been acting like a mega bitch since I got home.” He crossed his arms.

You took a step back. Chris had never called you that before. Yes, you two had gotten into some heated discussions in the past and maybe have gone a couple times without talking to each other for maybe a day. But never once has he called you a bitch.

“Chris!” Carissa’s scolding voice came from behind. “Apologize to her right now, there is no reason to call any woman that word.”

Chris’s gaze held yours before it softened.

He sighed and dropped his arms. “Fuck...sweetheart. I’m-”

“Thank you for having me over, Carissa. I really did have a great time.” You turned away from him before he could finish. “I think I’m going to head out though.”

“Of course.” Carissa glared at Chris over your shoulder. “Please let us-or me, know when you get home. We can plan another one soon.”

“Sure.” You smiled weakly at her before casting one last look at Chris. He opened his mouth to say something but you just shook your head and made your way out of the house.