#did i stay up until 5 am today writing this ask.... yes....... yes i did
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tizzymcwizzy · 6 months ago
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idk if anyone has asked this before but how do you manage to make your traditional art come out w a clear and crisp quality when you upload it bc i've been trying to figure out how to improve that for my own art
i might've answered this before i don't mind repeating myself
STEP 1: make sure you have good lighting!
take your photos next to a window on a bright day, not in direct sunlight because that can cause glare or over expose the image, but next to a window where the ambient light is even across your piece
taking pics on a rainy day or after the sun sets? no problem! all you need is bright ambient lighting, like what you'd find in a well lit bathroom, light that isn't shining directly on you, but reflecting off the walls, diffused and even
when taking your picture you wanna make sure there are no shadows, be it cast shadows from your hands, or shadows on one side of the page due to focused light
here's a side by side:
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on the left side there's this gradient of value across the image because the light is just hitting the page from the top, and there's some visual striping caused by my lamp
on the right the image is evenly covered in light from a nearby window, so there is no gradient
of course the left image is exaggeratedly bad but if you photograph and edit with uneven light your end product will be passable, but not as great as it could be
here are some more examples post edit, notice the gradient across the drawing and the shadow on the bottom half
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again not TERRIBLE but not ideal
STEP 2: photograph straight on, up close and crop tastefully!
when you're taking your picture stand up if you can, and i mean it, just get right on top of the piece and make sure your camera is parallel, because taking a pic at an angle can really distort the proportions of your drawing
also make sure you're fitting as much of the drawing into your picture as possible, you don't wanna lose quality unnecessarily by photographing from a distance
and when you crop, try and get out as much unnecessary space as you can, of course give the image breathing room, don't crop down to the edges of your image, but also try and cut out your thumbs or desk if you're going for that crisp professional look
all the rules in this section can be broken if it's done intentionally!
here are some examples of off angle/weirdly cropped drawings with my desk in the background but it's on purpose:
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STEP 3: time to edit!
so this part is really going to depend on what software you personally use to edit and getting familiar with it, i use my phone's built in editor which is the google photos editor, ive used ios photo editing, ive used photoshop and procreate and most programs generally have the same couple of editing scales so im going to be general
FOR BLACK AND WHITE ART:
1. turn the saturation aaallllll the way down
we don't want the yellow of the pages or the warm light of your lamp or the blue tone of the sun on our white paper, unless you're going for a black and white in sepia sort of look, then edit to your discretion, but in general for black and white i eliminate all color
2. crank the brightness and contrast (highlights/white point/exposure/brilliance) UP and turn the black point/shadows DOWN
we want to create as much visual contrast as possible and make the darks REALLY dark and the brights REALLY bright, especially if you have a drawing that has very little midrange values, this worked well for my stamps, but for a pencil drawing you want to keep those details and middle values so the settings won't be as extreme
depending on what program you use the names and effects of each setting might be a little different, so fiddle around to find out what everything does!
here's a before and after
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FOR COLOR ART:
1. increase saturation! (and vibrance on ios) depending on your piece and your camera and the medium and the lighting your image and its colors can come out a number of different ways, but usually cameras will not capture the vibrancy of real life colors. and personally i just like boosting them anyway :) i think it looks really nice!
2. turn the brightness and white values up, but not too much, we don't want to wash out any colors but if you have a white of the page we still want that to be bright white
3. turn the black point/shadows down just a little, we don't want to completely overpower the light and color values with darks and shadows, but we still don't want it to look washed out and dull
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and lastly (for both B&W and color) fiddle with some other specialized settings! play with curves! or pop, or HDR or whatever other slider you have access to, figuring out what each does and which ones you like will help you get your final image closer to your tastes
happy editing and art making!!! i hope this was helpful :)
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hxxsxxng · 10 days ago
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Do You Believe in Fate? s.jy
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「pairing」 : childhoodbestfriend!jake x afab!reader
「synopsis」 : read the preview here
「word count」 : 15.3k
「genre」 : A lot of angst, smut, somewhat fluff, college au
「warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!! cursing, lot of nicknames, mentions of alcohol, consumption of alcohol, hangover, poor mental state, kissing, cuddling, alcoholism, toxic friends (not jake), teasing, crying, begging, distress, groping (consentual), unprotected sex, pulling out, loss of virginity, lowkey size kink, oral (m and f recieving), titty sucking, sharing a bath tub, mentions of hospitalizations, implications of potential death, depression. this is a repost
「authors note」 : i want to thank everyone for motivating me to finish this story and writing this was truly an experience that will effect me as a writer moving forward. i am tagging all of my mutuals so hopefully i could get some feed back! i love every last one of you
「taglist」 : @jakeflvrz - @simhinata - @eternality - @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby - @jakesangel - @yjwsgf - @diorsyun-deactivated20241118 - @en-ner-jay - @yeonzzzn - @hoonieesm - @hoonheepretty - @jaysupremacy - @cherry-park - @heeslomll - @alvojake - @taeghi - @dollyyuen - @sumzysworld - @wonsbaer - @simpjay - @sjylouvre - @starboimoon - @blurryriki - @yzzyhee - @sincerelyrki - @hoonven - @heeseungsbm
It was the summer before me and Jake’s junior year of university. We have been working all summer and it’s another other day at the office. Putting in check information for the bank was a lot more boring than I expected . Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. There was no time to do anything else. We were always told that if we went to college, we would have a good job. That proved to be wrong. 
Both Jake and I are going through college together, though he landed a way better paying job than I did. When it comes to bills, he ends up having to pay more than me, but he swears up and down that it is not a big deal.
I set down my mug. I hear my phone ring. It’s Jake. “Hello?” he should be at work. “Hey Pumpkin, I got out early today, were there any groceries that we needed?”
“Oh, no I can’t think of anything.”  “Okay, Stay safe, I will see you later.”
Jake never really got time off of work but when he did, I usually tried to stay out of his hair and let him relax. I just continued to run reports, pretty much twiddling my thumbs until the clock struck 5 and I would make my way out of this hell hole.
Traffic was terrible as usual. A usually 7 minute drive turned into an hour. Days like this I just want to get home and throw all my stuff on the ground and lock myself away in my room. Maybe watch some TV. Or listen to some music while my computer is hooked up to it. Anything that distracts from knowing I have to go back to the job I hate the next day. My thoughts are interrupted by a honk coming from behind me. The light turns green. Thank God. But as soon as I pull away from the curb, a car pulls out in front of me. Damn those stupid drivers. I don’t even know how many times this month I’ve had to pull over so they could let someone pass. It isn’t worth getting into a fight with them about. I try to ignore them.
I made it back to our house just in time for the sun to still be out. I made way into the house and Jake was in the kitchen. It was an unusual sight. His after work routine typically consists of cracking open a cold one and playing his computer. “Hey princess” he greeted me.
I stand at the front door, taking off my shoes and hanging my keys on the rack. “What has you in a good mood all of a sudden” I ask suspiciously.
“Well since I got off work early, I figured i’d come home and suprise you with dinner since you just been eating so much take out recently” he replied nonchalantly. The thought makes me sick. “You didn’t need to do that Jake.” “Oh yes, I did. You haven’t been cooking for yourself for a couple months now. I wanted to show you how much your best friend cares about you” he says.
Reguardless of what I say, the food is made and there is no taking it back. I guess I can’t really argue with him over it.
“And besides, I know you have missed your mom cooking pasta for us when we would go to her house in Australia, I figured I should make some do you instead” he adds.
I slowly approach the table. He is still finishing up plating everything. He looks up at me and smiles. “It smells good” I say flatly. He takes off the oven mitts and wipes his hands on it. He sets my plate down in front of me and he pulls out the chair to my right and takes a seat.
“So how was your day Jake?” I asked awkwardly. He starts digging in and responds, “Not too bad. What about yours?”
“Same shit different day. Boss is always yelling at me and the company keeps treating me like garbage even though I am the only one who actually gives a fuck.” I complained, eating a piece of garlic toast. It tasted good, surprisingly good, considering the amount of spices he used.
“Well I am glad it’s Friday so you can take some time to unwind over the weekend” he attempts to comfort me but at this point i’m too tired.
“I guess.” I poke at my food a little bit. Why does Jake’s job seem so perfect? he easily makes twice as what I make and I rarely hear him complain about working either.
“You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to, I am not going to force you.” I guess Jake noticed me being hesitant about eating the rest of my meal.
“It’s not that I don’t want to eat it’s just that I’m really stressed and I don’t want to keep you here listening to me complain about the same things over and over again”
“Look at me” he said. I slowly lift my head for my eyes to meet with his. “I promise I will never get tired of listening to you” he reassured.
There he goes again, sending those butterflies flapping in my stomach. I don’t understand why he is so gentle and compassionate. It gives me goosebumps. I decide I might as well stop procrastinating and start enjoying the evening. “Thank you” I say, giving him a small smile. His face immediately lit up. It’s kind of cute. The rest of dinner went rather smoothly. Jake kept the conversation going, mostly talking about my day and what his was about, and then we would drift off into silence. He looked so relaxed and calm that I felt completely at ease. Even if I knew I should feel bad for keeping him up with my whining, I couldn’t bring myself to.
I stand up from the table and wash my plate. “I don’t know if anyone told you today, but you look gorgeous as always” he sneaks up behind me. “You don’t look too bad your self Jakey” I returned. My face was already a dark hue of red.
I decided maybe tonight I won’t rot away in my room. It’s a Friday night, I’ll have a little bit of fun. Still inside the house though. It is probably too cold outside anyway. I realize I am still in my work clothes. I return to my room to take them off and throw on my most comfortable pair of shorts and a talk top and take my Nintendo Switch to the living room.
Jake was already waiting there for me. He had a bottle of wine and 2 empty glasses. He looked up when I entered and smiled. I gave a shy smile and sat down next to him. He pulled me closer to him, pressing himself against me. Our legs intertwined under the couch. For a moment I forgot about the work situation and the world. In that moment it just felt nice to sit close to someone who cared for me unconditionally.
“What were you wanting to play?” he breaks the silence. “I was thinking we could play some Mario Kart” I suggested.
“Yeah we can, but you already know I’m gonna kick your ass”. He loves teasing me. I punched his shoulder and chuckled.
~~~~~~~~~~
He is in my bed. I just woke up and he is in my bed. I don’t know how to react. Maybe I drank a little too much? I really don’t remember anything after playing a few rounds of Mario Kart. He looks so peaceful. His dark brown hair all tangled up on the pillow. The way his biceps look in his black tank top. He doesn’t snore, but the way he breathes when he sleeps is very cute. There is a slight hint of stubble on his chin, almost like he hasn’t shaved in awhile. His lips are slightly parted. His face shows such contentment and relaxation. He looks so damn beautiful. I have to admit he is pretty attractive and I think he knows it. And I can’t help but wonder about what would happen if I leaned forward and kissed him. His soft lips pressed up against mine. I think it would be okay. Probably wouldn’t hurt. Scratch that, it would probably hurt a lot.
I woke up surprisingly early for a Saturday morning. Usually I am in bed until noon, but it’s only 9:30. Opposite of me, Jake likes to start his weekends bright and early, so it is a bit strange that he isn’t awake by now. I won’t bother him. It’s probably better this way. I roll over onto my side facing away from him. I close my eyes trying to fall back asleep. But it seems to be impossible. My mind is too preoccupied and Jake’s body is far too close to mine for my liking. I groan quietly. It doesn’t help at all.
I crawl out of bed, doing my best not to wake Jake up. As soon as I step out of the room, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. It’s my mom. I guess I hadn’t returned and of her texts last night. She asks if I have slept okay and if I’ve eaten breakfast. When she sees I haven’t. She sends me a picture of the last time I was at her house eating spaghetti. “Just eat something sweetheart and take care of yourself” she reminds me gently. I sigh deeply before replying. “Mhmm thanks mom” I set my phone down on the kitchen counter and rummage through the fridge, hoping to find something appetizing for breakfast. As I search, I can't stop thinking about waking up next to Jake this morning. We've been best friends for so long, but recently I've started seeing him in a new light. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, how considerate he is, it stirs up the feelings I've been trying to suppress. I shake my head slightly and settle on making some eggs and toast.
As I cook, memories of last night come flooding back. The wine, the laughter, the gentle way he pulled me close on the couch as we played games. My heart flutters just thinking about how natural and right it felt being cuddled up next to him. But I can't read too much into it. Jake is my oldest friend, he probably sees the intimacy as purely platonic. The sizzle of the eggs brings me back to reality. I quickly plate the food and grab a mug of coffee before heading to the living room. I'll just relax and enjoy this lazy Saturday morning.
I'm about halfway through my breakfast when I hear Jake's footsteps shuffling down the hallway. He emerges, hair sticking up adorably, letting out a big yawn. "Mornin' sunshine," he says with a sleepy grin. I feel my cheeks warm at the nickname. "Morning. I made some extra if you want it," I reply, nodding toward the kitchen. "You're the best." Jake passes over to dish up a plate, giving me a perfect view of his lean back muscles stretching against his thin t-shirt. I quickly avert my eyes as he returns to the couch. As he sits next to me, our arms brush and I feel that spark of electricity again.
Jake doesn't seem to notice, just digs into his eggs happily. We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he speaks up again.
"That was a fun night last night, wasn't it?" His eyes meet mine with a warm smile. "We'll have to do it again soon." I return the smile, hoping he can't see the longing behind it. "Yeah, it was really nice." Nice to just relax and be ourselves without any expectations or pressures. Nice to feel...that close to him.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
~~~~~~~~~~
Jake has a friend named Jay. When Jake isn’t at work or at the house, he is most likely hanging out with Jay. Jay is a go with the flow kind of guy and was kind of a womanizer. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I try not to hang out with Jake when Jay is there for that reason.
Jake and Jay always go out for drinks on Saturday nights. I can’t remember the last time he was home on a Saturday night and I didn’t have to take care of him the next morning. He routinely stays at Jay’s house that night then gets an Uber back here the next morning.
Jake and Jay's Saturday night routine carried on like clockwork most weekends. Around 9 PM, Jay would pick Jake up and they'd head to their usual bar downtown. The two friends would drink heavily, telling outrageous stories and shamelessly checking out any attractive women who passed by.
For Jake, it was just a guys' night out away from work stress. But for Jay, it was a chance to flirt and see if he could add another notch to his bedpost. Jake didn't partake in that behavior himself, but he also didn't reproach Jay for it. He figured it was just Jay's way.
Come last call, the two would be pretty sloshed. Instead of dealing with an Uber that late, Jake would just crash at Jay's place. He'd wake up hungover the next morning and request a ride from a car service back home.
When he arrived home disheveled, I'd already have water and painkillers ready for him. I hated having to nurse him after these nights, but it was better than having Jay's leering presence around me. His constant objectification of women made me deeply uncomfortable. So I put up with Jake's hangovers to avoid that part of their friendship dynamic.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
Jake opens the front door. I can hear him complaining about his headache already. He sets his keys down and immediately lays down in the couch.
"Hey babygirl, where is the aspirin? Do we have any aspirin left?" he asks groggily. A small chuckle escapes my lips before I turn around to look at him, smiling slightly. “I already got it out for you, and here is a glass of water”. His eyes are closed as I place the pills in his hand and he smiles once they make contact. “Thank you so much for taking care of me princess.” he praises as he shot the tablets into his mouth.
I giggle. This man is ridiculous. A loud yawn escapes his lips and I smile. As much as I hate seeing him like this, I am content with letting him have his fun every once in a while. His shirt is buttoned incorrectly, showing off his muscular chest. I look back at his face. His eyes were opened and he noticed me staring.
“What’s wrong Princess?” he slurs. “Do I look stupid or something?” “No Jake, you look great” I reply truthfully. “You just looked a little tired is all.”
Jake rolls over on the couch and turns onto his side. “I know you’re going to tell me I should rest more, but it’s so hard to sleep when you’re not in the same room.”
“Really? You usually fall asleep within seconds. Why is that?” He shrugs. “Don’t know babe. Just don’t like being alone.” I frown. That’s true enough. Jake never really liked being by himself. Ever since we were in diapers, he had always been surrounded by people. His parents, coworkers
me.
I decide to ask something rather personal instead. Maybe that will distract us for a while. “How’s your mom doing lately? Do you miss her?” Jake doesn’t respond right away. He starts fidgeting under my gaze. His hands begin picking at a loose thread on the couch cushion.
“Yeah, yeah. I miss her. I wish she wouldn’t be working so much now. She used to work less back when we were high school, you know? I still get worried sometimes” he answers with a slight edge in his voice. “It’s okay Jake. You know she likes working for your dad. It helps pay for everything” I remind him softly. He nods slowly. After a few moments, he finally breaks the silence.
“Why do you ask?” I guess he was caught off guard by the question. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen them, Australia isn’t in walking distance, ya know.” I try to cheer him up.
He sighs and looks down at the couch. “I guess I just wish I was able to spend more time with her like I did when I was younger. It doesn’t matter though.” He shakes his head dismissively. “She’ll come visit whenever she can. I’m just glad we both decided to live somewhere else for college. I would definitely have missed our family trips.”
“Oh
” I bite my lip unsure what to say to comfort him. He’s always taken his mother very seriously. Even when he was young he often complained that she worked too hard and stressed herself out, which only made him madder. In all fairness, she did work extremely hard—even harder than he ever could. And now that she has found some semblance of stability, he worries that he won’t be able to provide for her the lifestyle he wanted for her.
I reach out and pat Jake's arm reassuringly. "I know how much you miss your mom. But she's doing what she needs to in order to help take care of the bills and your dad. You know she'd be here if she could."
Jake nods slowly. "Yeah, you're right. I just wish there was more I could do from here, instead of feeling so helpless being so far away. I know my dad would want me there as well" He runs a hand through his tousled hair. "At least I have you around. Don't know what I'd do. You kinda of bring a feeling of home to me. I hope that made sense.”
I feel my cheeks flush a little at his words. "Well, you know I'll always be here for you," I reply, trying to keep my tone light.
“Thank you sweet heart.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Our parents went to University together. That’s how they met. My mom met Jake’s mom in a sociology class, and they have been best friends ever since. Being college bestfriend basically guarantees that your kid will have someone to grow up with, and they took advantage of that. He has litterally been there for every life event my mom felt was important enough to let him in on.
Though we didn’t become friends by choice, we were latched onto eachother ever since we were introduced. I remember I would ball my eyes out when even Jake got sick because it meant I couldn’t hang out with him after school or have play dates on the weekends. As we grew up, the situations weren’t as innocent. I would confide in him when I was upset, and he would hold me in his arms after my nightmares. I even found comfort in him after my numerous hearts breaks in highschool. Though none of my relationships were ever that serious, I was still unmistakably heartbroken.
Jake was never really a ladies man in highschool, or in general. He studied more on acedemics, which I guess was a good idea considering where he is now. Although I’d never said anything about it, his dating career was pretty dead for several years. In my opinion, it seemed unfair to Jake to not go on dates after highschool. While I understood why he wasn’t interested, it seemed a waste not to try. After all, I’m sure he could get any chick he wanted if he tried, I mean look at him. He had grown from a cute kid playing video games to one who had a perfect body and gorgeous features to match. So yeah, I loved that he was a boy and my friend. But there was no way I could give myself completely to such a man, especially with our history.
Jake is a lot different when I’m around, a lot more caring and loving. I’m reminded of all those times when I would find Jake crying when we came back from vacation during our sophomore year, or how he would suddenly appear at my room door at 5am looking for reassurance or help. At the time, I thought it was because he needed someone to talk to about the things troubling his mind, but now that I think about it , it’s kind of obvious he’s lonely. His dad has been in and out of the hospital recently. I don’t really want to push Jake into going into detail about his condition because it might make him emotional, but I just know that it is another thing that is weighing on him.
When I first started seeing him more and more recently, I thought maybe he wanted us to become closer friends. I mean, he was always talking about how much he adores spending time with me, and how grateful he is to me for saving him and bringing him back to life. I think the situation with his parents are weighing down on him more than I realize.
~~~~~~~~~~
The rhythmic tapping of rain against the window pane fills the hushed stillness of my bedroom. I lie awake, Jake's sleeping form curled up beside me, his head pillowed on my chest. His eyebrows are furrowed even in slumber, mouth turned down in a soft frown - the worry lines etched across his features never seem to fully fade these days. Gently, I brush some stray locks of hair off his forehead, my thumb tracing over the crease between his brows. Jake's been carrying the entire weight of his family's struggle on those broad shoulders.
A quiet sigh escapes his lips and he burrows deeper into my side, one arm slinging possessively over my waist. We've been a tangle of limbs like this more nights than not recently. After the latest bout of bad news about his dad, Jake sought me out like a man wandering through the desert in desperate need of water. I remember the rawness in his voice as he begged to stay in his room, to be held and comforted, the same way I always have. Whatever Jake needs from me, he'll never be turned away.
Trailing my fingers through Jake's hair, I allow myself to drink in every detail of him in this rare moment of peace. The slight upturn of his perfectly sloped nose. The way his plump lips are parted just enough to allow shallow puffs of breath to ghost across my skin. He really is beautiful in the most masculine, rugged way. Not that I'd ever say that out loud - it would be mortifying if Jake caught me ogling him like some lovesick fool. Then again, I've been a lovesick fool for the better part of a decade when it comes to him.
Lost in the flow of my thoughts, I don't even register the soft snuffling noises at first. It's only when Jake's eyelashes start fluttering that I glance down to find him blinking up at me groggily. Without a word, he shifts until his head is cradled in the crook of my neck, placing a slow, scorching kiss to the exposed skin of the side of my neck.
The world seems to screech to a halt. That...was definitely intentional. Purposefully intimate. There's no way it was an accident or a brief moment of sleep-hazy confusion. Not with the way Jake's pupils are blown wide, his lips parting to reveal the tip of his tongue darting out to wet them instinctively.
Just as quickly as the spark ignited, Jake seems to deflate, burying his face into the juncture of my neck and shoulder with a muffled whimper. His hands are fisting in the fabric of my sleep shirt, clutching me with a white-knuckled grip like I'm his lifeline back to the surface. Like if he doesn't hold on, he might drown. "Hey hey hey
" I gently stroke the length of his spine calming him. "You're okay now, everything is alright, relax..." Jake's breathing gradually slows. Gradually, he begins to relax, his fingers slackening their death grip in my shirt.
A few moments pass in silence before he lifts his head and looks directly at me. His eyes are slightly bloodshot, probably from all the crying. They’re red and glassy, a stark contrast to his usually flawless complexion. "Sorry," he murmurs. I shrug slightly. "Don't apologize." After a few sniffles, I feel his breathing become more consistent and his face is dry. He starts to do that cute breathing that I talked about. After I realized that he has met some sort of peace and fell asleep, I fell asleep soon after.
~~~~~~~~~~
The morning light filters in through the cracks of my blinds, shining over Jake's sleeping body in a soft glow. My eyes trace the line of his jawbone, the gentle rise and fall of his bare chest as he breathes. He looks so tranquil like this.
Jake smells so fucking good. If I could lay on his chest and take it his scent all day, I really would. Not to mention his face is extremely handsome. He has the face that other guys wish they had. It’s very obvious he takes care of himself.
I can't stop replaying that moment from last night over and over in my mind. The heat of Jake's lips pressing against the skin of my neck. Part of me was desperate to surge forward then and seal my mouth over Jake's, to finally give in to the magnetic pull that's been drawing me to him.
But I didn't. I couldn't. Because I'm also terrified of what exploring these feelings could mean for our relationship.
Losing him isn't an option I can fathom. And he seemed to make the same choice in that moment by turning away, burying his face against my neck with a whimper that could have been either anguished or relieved.
We're cowards, the two of us. Content to dance around the fire instead of being set ablaze
Part of me wonders if Jake was hoping for something in return. Maybe a kiss? Maybe he did it to show it trust and comfort for me. He knows what he is doing. The moment his lips touched my neck, my whole body shivered. I wanted more but I contained myself.
My body still hums with the memory of his kiss, nerves tingling with equal parts of dread. I want to reach out and trail my fingertips over the golden skin of his forearm, to breathe him in and see if he tastes how I've imagined on my tongue.
How many more moments like last night can I survive before the truth comes out? I don't have the answers. All I know is that I'm still undeniably his - body, mind and heart.
It has been too many nights where I imagine his lips against mine. The way he chills my spine when whispers in my ear makes me crave hearing his voice. I wonder what he would be like in a relationship with me, he treats me like a princess already, I don’t know how much better it could get.
My mind drifts to memories of him holding me tight when I was upset, his muscular arms engulfing me in a warm embrace. The feeling of safety and contentment that would wash over me in those moments. If I could experience that every night by his side, it might just be pure bliss.
I fantasize about waking up intertwined with Jake, our legs tangled together as we trade kisses and touches unhurried by the outside world. Combing my fingers through his bed hair while he peppers light kisses along my jawline.
Maybe there could be slowmake-out sessions on the couch, all heated caresses and desperate roaming hands before things inevitably progress further. I would lavish every sculpted line of Jake's body with devoted attention. I imagine he would be an attentive, generous lover, just as giving in the bedroom as he is in every other aspect of his life.
I also can’t get over the mental hurdle that maybe it is kind of gross that I see my bestfriend this way. I could easily mistake all of the kind things he does and how he treats me as something more than what he intends it to be, and that would make me uneasy. I have never done anything sexual with him and anything that would imply sexual attraction, yet I am still here wondering what it is like to have sex with him.
~~~~~~~~~~
I really need to get my feelings sorted out soon because they are just going to keep building up until they eventually burst, and I really don’t want Jake to witness that.The week went the same again. and again. and again. Wake up, go to work, do nothing after. But recently, Jake got a promotion at his job, which was grounds for celebration.
The local diner is busy with the lunch crowd, the air thick with aromas of burgers sizzling on the griddle and fresh baked pie. Jake and I slip into our usual corner booth, the cracked vinyl cushions molding to our forms like old friends. This place has been our go to spot since we started university here. We've shared so many moments in this very booth over the years. Happy celebrations or acing a big exam.
Which is why the thick tension clouding the air between us right now feels so alien. Instead of our usual easy camaraderie, I can barely look at Jake without my pulse kicking up. The memory of his firm chest brushing mine, those plush lips just a table length away, has my skin flushing hot. I squeeze my thighs together secretly, desperate for any kind of friction to alleviate the slow burn of arousal low in my belly.
Just being this close to Jake is enough to have that want unfolding all over again. Filling my head with flashes of how it could feel to finally give in - his weight blanketing me, our bodies moving together in a sinuous rhythm as his mouth trails searing kisses along my neck. "Hey." Jake's low rumble jolts me out of the vivid fantasy.
"You're zoning out, sweetheart. Everything okay?" My cheeks flame darker, that suddenly seems too intimate. I duck my head, but not before catching the unmistakable smirk curling at the corners of Jake's lips. That insufferable, cocky smirk he knows drives me crazy. I want to kiss it off his stupidly perfect face. Or maybe bite at the sharp line of his jaw, put that arrogant look to better use while I'm straddling his lap and--
"Fine," I mumble, hooking a loose strand of hair behind my ear to avoid meeting Jake's eyes. The small movement causes our elbows to brush together on the tabletop. His skin is so soft. Jake's brow furrows, like he doesn't miss the way I've gone tense and flustered all over again. Before I can blink, his hand is covering mine. Those long fingers tenderly stroking along my knuckles, smoothing over my suddenly clammy skin.
Slowly, purposefully, Jake tugs my hand closer until my palm is cupping his scruffy jaw. I suck in a sharp, shaky breath at the contact, at being able to feel the rasp of his five o'clock shadow against my sensitive skin. Jake holds me there for a moment, those meltingly warm eyes boring into mine like he's trying to read my mind.
Then, in the most tempting act of torture imaginable, Jake presses his lips to my wrist in the barest brush of mouth against pulse point. I swear I could die right then and there. He slowly pulls away, looking up to meet my eyes once again. Our gaze meets, intense and lustful, filled with a hunger that only he knows how to create. This feels so wrong, so dangerous. The fact he's staring down at my lips, licking his subconsciously causes a slight hitch in my breathing. A tiny part of me wants to lean forward and press my lips to his. But I stop the impulse with the thought of what we did last night, and the consequences of getting caught again.
Instead, I let out a sigh and break eye contact before pulling my hand away and placing my elbow on the table. I rub my thumb across my wrist absentmindedly while avoiding Jake's gaze, the words I want to say stuck somewhere inside my throat like rocks. There isn't anything I can do. What I have with Jake is different now. I'm scared shitless to tell him how I truly feel.
"What's wrong? Are you alright?" Jake asks, worry laced into his tone. He places a hand on my thigh, making me jump slightly. “It’s nothing, really” I lied. The server comes over to the table to take our order. “What could I get started for you to drink” he says.
-
Our meal goes by normally, Jake pretending that he had done nothing earlier. Afterward, we head home, the silence thickening the further into town we get. There’s nothing for me to say, no reason to prolong this conversation I’m dreading anymore. He must sense my sudden change of mood. He drops his arm from around my shoulders and lets his hand fall limply back onto his knee.
We walk silently in the direction of our house. Neither of us speaking. It’s almost as if we’re both waiting for the other to make the first move. I have an overwhelming urge to turn to him and kiss him.
~~~~~~~~~~
I can’t stop thinking about Jake. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Over the past few weeks, I feel like he has become a lot more touchy, which don’t really mind. He smiles for a little longer when we eat together. We have slept in each others room a lot more often than before. I may just be over analyzing it.
Jake is going out with Jay again. As usual, I don’t plan on him coming home tonight, and I will wake up to a hungover Jake. Jay isn’t really the friend to take care of you when you feel ill, so that responsibility is left on me.
I hate to admit, but when Jake isn’t home for a night, I fight the urge to sleep in his bed. I have been sleeping in his bed with him so often that it leaves me in withdrawal when we aren’t in the same bed.
Just being in his room, his scent diffused in the air, it makes me miss him so much more. Even without thinking about the fact that it is his room, the bed is so much more comfortable than mine, which is all the better reason to sleep there.
I walk in, already in my shorts and t-shirt, and wonder around. He has the picture of us that his mom took when we were first leaving for Korea framed on his nightstand.
I pick it up and examine it closely. It is the one photo where we didn’t appear stiff. I remember the day clearly; I was standing with him, grinning broadly. I never expected to smile so much when I was young, but my memories of our trip leave a bright happy feeling inside my stomach.
I set the photo back down and I lift the blanket from the corner of the bed. I slide into the bed, laying on his side like I usually do when he isn’t here. I instantly melt into the sheets. I scroll on my phone whilst fighting my eyelids to stay awake, but eventually I fall asleep prematurely.
Jake usually keeps his room pretty cool, which calls for cuddling closely under the blankets. In the middle of my sleep, I am shot awake when my cold limbs are instantly warmed by an unexpected sensation. Why was Jake home?
Jake continues to get comfortable under the blanket, not even batting an eye at the fact that I was just sleeping in his bed. I pull him closer by his waist to fulfill the rest of the warmth that my body craves.
“Why are you shivering sweetheart, you could have turned on the heater.” he worries.
“I wanted the temperature to be tolerable when you got back in the morning” such a stupid explanation. “Speaking of, why are you here right now? what happened to Jay’s?” I questioned, completely forgetting how we got into this situation in the first place.
“Jay was feeling ill so we called it a night pretty early, I only got three shots down.”
Jake runs a lazy finger over my hip bone and leans in to nuzzle the crook of my neck. Shit. He’ll notice the way I react to his touches and I won’t be able to explain myself. Fuck.
“I thought I would come to my room and catch up on sleep but look what we have here instead” he says with that stupid smirk on his face.
“Oh- oh I’m sorry.” I slowly pull away from him to make way back to my room. “No babe, please don’t go, I want you to stay” he begs while keeping our fingers latched to keep our extended arms together. He then latched his hand around my wrist to slowly pull me back down to his level on the bed. It’s all happening too fast. He uses the same hand to comb his fingers through the strands at the bottom of my hair on the back of my head, and keeps his hand there entangled. He uses his hand to guide my head into a sensual kiss. He gently pressed his lips against mine. So plump, so dreamy. I reciprocated the kiss instantly, matching his pace and moving our lips in sync so perfectly. The way our lips intertwined so naturally gave me actual chills.
After giving me what I have dreamt about for years, he pulls away, leaving a string of saliva to connect our lips. He looks into my eyes, his pupils as voids. “Please stay” he whispers again. I nod dumbly, my brain still short circuiting as Jake bites is bottom lip. He’s so fucking beautiful, my eyes are practically burning holes into his lips.
His fingers gently run over my cheekbone, lingering on my jawline, tracing along my nose. “How did I ever deserve someone as beautiful as you?” he murmurs. His voice is full of admiration and love and affection. He trails his fingers along my jaw, pausing to lightly graze my collar bone, making goosebumps erupt across my skin. The heat radiating off Jake’s body is practically burning me alive.
Without thinking about it for a second longer, I close the gap between our lips again. We moved in sync, in harmony. It feels like my lips were only made to kiss his. He rests his free hand on the side of my face and uses it as grip to deepen the kiss. Kissing him I had a sense of saftey. The longer our lips were together, the more open I was to his attempts at adding tongue into the mixture. It was a sloppy wet mess, but is all I have ever wanted.
I slide my hand between out warm bodies and feel across his obvious bulge in his boxers. He instantly let out a groan when I took his imprint into my palm. I stroked it gently as we continued with intertwined tongues. His grunts and breathlessness was insanely arousing.
It was clear that we were both extremely sleepy. After a few more minutes of kissing, we eventually pulled away, with no words spoken.
I try my best to hold in my moans as the warmness travels up my body like lava. He stops tracing my collarbone to trail his hands up the side of my body, stopping to stroke a line of soft kisses along the side of my neck.
My hands grasp tightly at the material covering Jake’s shoulder blades and I use that leverage to get back under the blankets with him. We both face eachother, with our legs crossing randomly over one another. He once again rests his head in the crook of my neck, leaving a kiss like he did once before. Only this time, I know his true intention.
~~~~~~~~~
The fall semester is starting back up again. Junior year, both is our schedules are jammed packed with upper division classes. Having to balance so many classes and still having to work to keep up with the bills for the house, Jake and I hardly see each other. Even though I love spending every single day with him, I feel like I’m living with a ghost whenever I see his empty seat. When I wake up every morning to find him gone, my heart starts to ache. It hurts knowing that we might not spend as much time together. I know that the sooner that this semester ends, the easier everything will be.
The end of the semester wasn’t going to be soon though, it’s barely September. I’ve decided to try and set a study date with Jake and make sure nothing was overlapping the times. We eventually agreed apon Thursday night after he got off of his afternoon job. Maybe around 8 o’clock. I was getting a head start on my Statistics work before he showed up because I knew it would take me a while. He eventually showed up close to 8:30.
I had my headphone covering my ears, shoulders slumped over my desk, and he comes up behind me and take my shoulders in his hands and sensually massages. “Ah thank youuuu~~~ my muscles are tight” I jumped at the unexpected pressure. He drives his thumbs a little bit deeper into my blades and slides his straight arms down my stomach for a hug. “I missed you” he griped with puppy dog eyes, resting his head on my shoulder. I take off my headphone and hold both of his forearms and pull him deeper into this awkwardly positioned hug.
After a few seconds he pulls away and grabs out his bag with his laptop, and runs to his room to grab his chair to pull up next to mine. I was still seated, watching, unable to take my eyes off him. He settles himself and puts the laptop on his knees in front of him. He opens his notebook, and turns the page to the worksheet for this month. My fingers naturally find their way to his back and scratch gently while he looks over his work. They made their way up his clothed back and into his hair and I ran them through this tangled hair. He let out a sigh of fufillment and he allows himself self to close his eyes to fully take in the relaxing feeling. He breaths in deeply and slowly, taking in my coconut scent.
“Fuck it” he says under his breath.
He turns in my directed and crashed his lips into mine with no hesitation. He wraps his arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. I was startled at the quick change in plans but my lips soon melted into his and I was under his control. My tongue dances along his bottom lip, asking for entrance as he obliges and gives access. He lifts me from my chair and pulls me over to straddle his thighs.
He guides his lips to mine again, running his hands down my back as he pushes me lower into his lap. I wrap my legs slightly around his waist for some sense of support. The sensual make out and lap straddling goes on and on, until he breaks away slightly to speak, “You can move if you want sweetheart”.
He reconnects our lips and I find myself needing any sort of friction to ease the pressure building between my legs. Subconsciously grinding my core over his thigh slowly. I bite down on his lower lip causing him to suck on my tongue immediately as a response. God, he tastes so good, like the cocoa butter lip balm I got him for his birthday.
I continue grinding over his thighs picking up the aggressiveness, as he continues to run his hands through my hair. “Feeling desperate, darling?” he teases, smirking as he tries to pull me back into a kiss. “Shut up” I harden my fist and hit the front of his shoulder. He always finds a way to tease me. He chuckles as we connect our lips once again.
He slides both of his hands under my thighs stands up from his chair, and I wrap my legs around his body as he carries me to the bed. He slowly lays me down on my back with my legs still wrapped around his waist. He doesn’t break the kiss but as soon as he sets me down, I can feel his erection bulging through his pants rubbing against me sweet spot. We stop kissing momentarily as he looks at me, with lust filled eyes. He lets one of his hands rest on my chest, while the other traces along the side of my neck to my chin, tilting my head upward and pressing his forehead against mine. “Look at how gorgeous you are right now,” he says with pure adoration. “I can’t help myself when I’m with you.” A sudden surge of desire hits me and my hands grip his hips tighter as he starts to trail kisses on my jawline. I can feel an undeniable wetness spreading in my panties. I am becoming desperate.
I placed my hands at the bottom of his shirt and began lifting it up, but he finished the job and lifted it over his head and threw it to the side. I have seen Jake shirtless a million times over but this time is different. It feels more intimate than the last ones I have seen. I felt my throat tighten as my eyes were drawn to his chest which looked absolutely flawless. “So beautiful” I whisper and I trace my fingers over his abs and chest. His body looks perfectly carved and sculpted by a god. “It’s all for you, baby” he cooed.
I reach my arms around his back and gently dig my nails into his skin as he continues to kiss me. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and pulls it over my head, revealing my breasts. I wasn’t wearing a bra since I had been home all afternoon, and I definitely wasn’t expecting this. As soon as he sees them, he takes one of them in his hand. He holds my right breast in his palm and gently rubs it between his thumb and index finger.
His gaze remains focused on my chest as his mouth begins to travel down, taking his time to enjoy each and every piece of my body. He stops to give me another kiss before placing his lips on my nipple. He sucks on my nipple whilst his teeth nipped at my flesh, causing me to moan lowly. I grabbed his hair pulling him closer to me. I grind my pelvis onto his dick, eliciting a groan and he removes his mouth, making a ‘pop’ sound, to look at his next target intensely. He took my other breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around my nipple and softly sucking, making me arch my back and having a moan escape my lips. Jake trails his hands down my waist while keeping his mouth latched to me.
His fingers went into the top of my sweatpants and I stopped him. “I have never done this before” I admitted. “Do you want me to stop?” he questions. How could I ever want him to stop? He is the only person I have ever imagined losing my virginity to. That aside I simply answer “No, Jakey, I trust you”
He continues to pull me pants down and off my legs and throws it to the side like he did with the other articles of clothing. He licks up my neck and comes to my ear. “I have never done this either, we can learn together” he whispered. Hearing this made my noticibly more wet, the way he whispers into my ear raises every single hair on my body. The thought of us having our first times with each other made this whole so much more meaningful and made me a lot less hesitant.
The only thing I have left on are my black panties and Jake looks like he is a man with a mission. I grab his bulge through his jeans and gently massage. He becomes a groaning mess as I palm his desperate tip. He is barely even able to keep his lips a decent distance apart for me to kiss him. “Fuuuck your hand feels so good” I take my other hand to start unbuckling his jeans, which he seems to have no problem with.
I pulled the belt off and unbuttoned his jeans and pulls them down, to where he took them all the way off. All he has left is his boxers. I can clearly see the imprint of he large cock through the thin fabric. I furrowed my eyebrows. “Does it look too big?, we can stop now if we need to” he questioned, seeing the fear on my face. I gulped and said “No, I can take it.”
I continued stroking through his boxers and he moved my panties to the side and rubbed gently on my folds. I gasped at the feeling. The better it started to feel, the less and less I was able to focus on Jake and more on myself. He had me wrapped around his finger. No amount of masturbating could compare to the way he is making me feel within these few minutes.
He slid his fingers down my clit and inserted one. He pumped it in and out until I felt that I was ready for more. Then 2. It hurt a little more but I slowly got used to it. He leaned his head down while his fingers still stuffed me and started leaving kisses on my clit. For having so little experience, he worked his finger and tongue like a professional. The way his tongue danced across my sensitive bud made my body shutter, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“I love the sounds of your whimpers” he moaned against my clit teasing me. I couldn’t even respond. My breathing quickened, and the more his fingers fucked me, the more I could tell how wet I was getting. I whimpered again and I gripped his hair signaling how good he was making me feel. “It tastes just as sweet as I imagined” he praised. He has imagined this before? What else has he imagined?
His fingers slowed down and he slipped two inside of me simultaneously. My hips bucked up and I let out a small gasp, my nails digging into his shoulders. He continued working his fingers inside of me. He was eating like a man who hadn’t seen a meal in a week.
“I want to taste you now.” I protest, pulling his face up for a kiss. His eyes look like he is drunk as his tongue swirled with mine and he gave me a slow deep kiss. He sucked on my bottom lip, then bit me, and finally opened his mouth and licked my tongue with his. He pulls away and allows me to pull his boxers past his hips and onto the ground. His dick sprung out. God, it was a lot thicker than I imagined.
I take the base of it and put my lips against the tip, swirling my tongue around. His muscular hand combs through the top of my hair and gently grips it as I begin to take more of his length in my mouth. I could feel it sliding smoothly in and out of my throat. His grip on my hair tightens and he guides me to take more in moderation. “God yes baby, that’s it” he encouraged. I looked up at him, the room filled with breathy moans and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. I felt the waves of his voice vibrating through my lips as he spoke, causing goosebumps to erupt across my entire body. I could feel my juices flowing through my pussy and down my belly.
I continue sucking him until he is almost completely buried inside my mouth. He leans down placing his lips beside my ear. “I don’t think I can hold out much longer” he whispers, making me smile.
He slowly pulls himself out of my mouth and lifts me back onto the bed. I use my arms to cover my chest, I am a little nervous. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead. “Don’t hide yourself, you look perfect darling” he said proceeding to take my tongue in his mouth. God this man loves using his tongue. I have never felt this type of intimacy before, and to think I am covering that ground with my bestfriend, was not how I thought it was going to go to say the least.
He brushes his tip in between my folds, spreading my wetness around. “Are you sure you want to keep going? We can stop here, just say the words and I will stop” “Please keep going” I am practically begging. He seems to enjoy my obvious desperation. He guide the tip in slowly, trying not to overwhelm me. He goes in a little deeper. I wince in pain. “Ah baby go a little slower” I pleaded. I didn’t want him to stop but it was definitely starting to hurt. He held the same spot for a few more seconds, then slowly pushed more in. I have gotten used to the stinging, as it slowly turns to pleasure.
“Shit princess, you’re so fucking tight” Jake praises. He was getting lost in his own world since he has never felt a warm pussy wrapped aroung his dick before, especially not one like mine. I felt his tip hit the enterance of my cervix. He bottomed out. He didn’t move. He didn’t even want to move, he was just enjoying the moment of his cock being buried deep inside his bestfriend. “You ok babe?” he asked, concerned by the lack of movement from me. “Yeah, just give me a second” I replied, attempting to get myself under control.
I began to relax, letting the warmth envelop my entire body. I signal that his is able to move. He slowly pulls his cock out of my cunt, and immediately pushes it back in. He rests both of his arms next to my face and comes down to kiss me. I can see the faint beads of sweat forming on his forehead. “You do not know how long I have been wanting to do this” He whispered into my ear. Once again, Jakes words send a tingle down my spine. He instantly latched himself onto my neck, sucking harshly while still keeping a slow pace down below. I grip his brown head of hair as he leaves purple marks on my skin, bruising my neck. He pulls out and goes back in, this time at a consistent rate.
Our torsos are in complete contact and he sets both of his hands under my back. I wrap my legs around his waist to allow him deeper access, which he so desperately needed. His lips were locked with mine. Our tongues were dancing along with each other as well as our chests. Every time he would suck on my lower lip, I moan against his lips.
“This is what I have been dreaming about” He says breaking away and kissing my nose. He finds me comfortable with his picking up the pace, and he did with no hesitation. He nuzzles into my neck with his hair partially resting on my face. There was no pain left to feel and my whole body was washed over with pleasure. His length fit so perfectly into my warm cunt, like we were make to only fuck eachother.
Jake head still right next to mine, I turn my head and whisper “Jakey, it feels so gooood~~~~” with inconsistency in my breathing. Jake’s ears were pleasured as if he were listening to his favorite song. He slowed down the pace, only to drive his dick deeper into my swollen cunt with each thrust. “Oh my god it’s feels so fucking good, you taking my cock like this.” he whines in my ear. He pulls away from my neck and just watching himself fuck into my pussy.
There was so much sweat on his face it was so fucking hot. It was dripping off his chin and onto my shoulder and neck. His hair was starting to get wet. He took both of my legs over his shoulders, making sure to maintain eye contact. Each stroke was deeper and deeper. Faster and faster. He was getting desperate. I don’t know how much more my inexperienced pussy can handle. He takes his thumb and gently rubs my clit. Ugh, I have never felt this sort of sensation before, being fucked at the same time.
My moans became more uncontrollable and my legs started to close in. “Fuckkkkk Jakey I am about to cum” I am on the verge of tears, overstimulated with pleasure. The pressure on my clit mixed with the repeated abuse of my cervix was enough to drive me over the edge. “Mmmmm yes doll, cum on my cock” he says lowly. My walls tighten around him and my hips are shaking. My heart is beating at 1000bpm, not a coherent thought left in my fucked-dumb mind. He practically has to pry my legs apart to maintain access to my slit. He holds my hips in place as he gives me a few more strokes. His became less and less powerful.
Once he felt his orgasm coming, he quickly pulled out of me, letting out a loud groan, and shot his strings of white cum all over my tummy and chest. The room was filled with loud pants and the scent of sex. “You are all I have ever wanted” I reach up to tuck his hair behind his ear, not minding the fact that his face was soaked. We rest our foreheads together and rub our noses across each other as we both try to catch our breath.
After a second of recovery, He runs to the bathroom and grabs a rag to clean me up. I could barely move my body, my entire entity was more than sore. It hurt to move, all I could do is lay there. Jake returns with a cold washcloth, and starts wiping off my stomach. “Do you need help getting cleaned up babe?” he asks, sitting down beside me, his arm around my naked torso. “Could we take a bath together?” I suggested.
A bath together after the fact is far more intimate, and could give us some time to talk things over. “Of course” and smiles. “I can go get it set up right now, darling, you just rest for a few minutes” He gives me a kiss on the nose and forehead before heading to run the faucet.
~~~~~~~~~~
I don’t know how I could let this happen. I lay on my bed rerunning all of the events writhing the last hour in my head. I really don’t know why we both allowed it to go that far. I admit, I loved every second of it, but now that it’s over, we have to deal with the effects.
Jake comes back from running the faucet. He looks tired. Maybe a bath is something we both need. “Come here sweetheart” he brings a towel and sets it on the counter.
The bathroom mirror was completely fogged over. “Are you trying to make soup out of us?” I said jokingly. “I know you like taking your showers hot, so I thought maybe it would be the same for baths” he chuckled.
I dip my toes into the half full tub. Jake was right, the temperature was just how I liked it. I held onto his shoulder as I submerge my other foot. The water lapped over the rim of the bath tub.
I keep hold onto his hand so he can guide himself into the tub, taking a lot more balance and tolerance for him to try to get used to the boiling water. “God damn, you like it hot hot” he teases though I can see him furrowing his eyebrows at the heat.
“Oh don’t be such a baby” I tease him right back. He pouts playfully. I love seeing that kind of reaction from him. “I don’t mind” he mumbles in embarrassment, trying to hide the smile on his face.
Once his feet were able to get used to the water, we both slowly sat the rest of our bodies into the tub. Jakes hair is a mess, it’s going in all different directions. I reach out to tuck some of it behind his ears for him, and then cup his face in my palm. I stroke his cheek with my thumb. He tilts his head, there he goes with those irresistible puppy dog eyes again.
“What’s wrong baby?” he asks. I remain in eye contact with him. “Were you being serious? When you said you have dreamt about
 that
?”
He’s silent. So much blood rushing to his face his cheeks are like strawberries. He scratched the back of his head. “I mean yeah
 why wouldn’t I” he hesitated.
“I mean look at you, you are insanely attractive and we live together and have known each other forever. Of course my mind is going to wonder. It has wondered many more times than I would like to admit.” he explained himself.
Unintentionally, our bodies kept inching towards each other in that bath. I am some how a mere 6 inches away from his face. “Why haven’t you ever told me how you felt?”
“Because I was scared on how it would change our friendship”
. he had the exact same fear as I did. He was also afraid of losing one of his best friends. “If I tell you how I feel, you might think it’s weird or something” he whispers into my ear. “No I will understand, we have known each other our whole lives. How would it be weird?” I say softly.
He hesitates once again, and I can hear his heart start to pound. He closes the gap between us and rests his forehead on mine. “There is so much you don’t know” He breathes, still looking deep into my eyes. His words caused a flicker of anxiety inside of me. “There is so much I want to know about you, darling” I reassure.
“Well for starters I never thought this thing between us would become anything more than just friends” he confesses. It is hard for him to admit such things, but he has to show me that I matter more than he thinks. “It scares me, and I’m sorry that I let it go too far. I guess it’s because I’ve been waiting so long, and everything has changed so fast” he explained, he still had this worried look on his face like I were going to shut everything down. Everything had changed so fast.
“You have to stop worrying so much about me. You can trust me, okay? I’ll never judge or hate you or think any differently of you. All I want is for us to enjoy our first time together and enjoy each other. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you are to me”. I caress his face with my hands.
A small smile graces his features while he gazes back into my eyes. I lean forward and capture him in a long passionate kiss. Our lips moving in sync, tasting each others taste as if it was our first time doing it. We pull away and stare at each other. He places both of his palms on either side of my face, leaning in even closer. I place my lips in line with his.
My fingers run through his soaked hair, though I don’t know if it use from sweat or from water. “Jakey, if I am going to be honest, I have been feeling the same way. On nights where we don’t sleep in the same bed, I find myself getting less sleep and craving your warmth. I don’t regret anything that’s happened between us tonight. Admittedly, I have been wanting to do that with you for so long” I started ranting.
“When you were making love to me I felt like I was floating away and it felt so good I just wanted to stay here forever, like nothing else mattered. There wasn’t anything I wanted more than to stay in this moment forever with you, but we both know that isn’t possible.” he continues, his voice cracking.
“Making love?” I chuckle. Such an interesting word choice. “Be quiet” he pushes back. “I’m just joking, but I agree”
He was clearly getting tired, letting out a yawn and fighting the force of his eyelids trying to close. “We should get to bed” I suggest. We soak the last few moments of the now comfortably hot water and get out of the tub. “You better not get water all over the floor, Jake” HE ALWAYS DOES THAT.
He grabs a towel for me and and one for himself and he wraps mine around my whole body width and pulls me for a hug. “I am glad we took a bath together sweetheart, try to get some rest” he whispers, and leaves an innocent kiss on my forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next few weeks consisted of school, work, and sleeping in the same bed with Jake pretty much every single night. We would exchange passionate kisses and I would bathe him when he was too tired from work or hanging out with Jay. And he would do the same for me. We never went as far to have sex again. We weren’t scared but we felt like we should wait.
We are on our way back to Australia for fall break. Jake will finally get to see his parents and I will get to see mine. We get to have a whole week without having to worry about responsibilities. Which I know both of us desperately need. We touch down in Australia around maybe 3pm on the first Saturday of the break. We only brought carry on luggage for convenience and time.
“Have everything?” He questioned me as we were getting out of our seats. “I think so” I smile, so excited to see my parents. We arranged for Jake’s mom to pick us up from the airport. She had a large SUV able to fit all of our stuff comfortably. Once we passed through all of the security and customs, Jake calls her to see where she is parked. On speaker I hear her say “9 rows down from the south enterance” she explains. “Thanks mom, see you in a sec” Jake says about to hang up the phone. “Thank you Mrs Sim” I make sure she hears before he presses the red button.
We hurry to get out of the packed airport so meet up with his mom. The weather was cold and misty and it was hard to see. When we finally arrived outside the south enterance, we could hardly believe what we saw. Layla comes up running at full sprint in me and Jake’s direction. She jumped up onto bother of us, layering our faces and arms with slobbery licks and he tail wagging so hard it may as well had fallen off.
Once Layla was all calmed down we put our luggage into the trunk. We swing up the door and the vehicle seems oddly empty. “Where is dad?” Jake questioned his mom. “He is getting worse
. he wasn’t able to make it today, I had to take him back to the hospital last night” she explained. I could already see the heart break in his eyes. “Oh” We packed everything up and his mom offered for me to sit in the front seat. Honestly, I wanted to sit in the back seat and comfort Jake, so I made up the excuse that Layla should sit in the front.
The mood in the car ride home was off. I don’t know if it was from the weather or his fathers health but Jake was not as energetic as he was before. I know he doesn’t deserve everything happening to his dad so I will just try to support him through it.
~~~~~~~~~~
I never really gave it much thought, but the more I put the pieces together, I think maybe the reason Jake is so insistent on getting black out drunk with Jay on the weekends may have to do with his father.
Jake has never in his life had a healthy coping mechanism. I remember a lot through out grade school, he would feel guilty or take blame for things that were not his fault, just to mediate the situation. When he did this, he did not react to the discipline very well, but it seems like he would much rather face conveniences than to start an argument over the original problem.
Jake let a lot of people take advantage of him, and it is still something that we have to work on, but knowing the situation with his dad, I know he has a lot more things to worry about now that usual.
Many of the people excluding his parents are alcoholics, any family event we went to together, the main thing being passed around was a bottle. When we were younger, things made him build resentment towards them but the older we got, the more willing he was to try alcohol, only adding more and more each time until he is where he is at now.
Jay isn’t the type of friend to stop this behavior either. I will never understand why Jake is such good friends with him cause he never seems to have the best intentions or good interest in mind. I can’t be the one to tell him that they should stop being friends cause at the end of the day, Jake’s relationship with alcohol won’t be healed in a split second.
~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing really eventful happened over the span of the after noon, the rain put everything to a halt. I slept in the guest bed in Jake’s house for the first night but was unable to fall asleep for the majority of the night. Jake’s mom rushed into the room around 1:30 am.
“Hey are you awake? We have to go the hospital, it’s my husband. Please wake up Jake while I grab the keys” She said with an extremely shaken voice full of urgency. I shoot out of the bed and put my shorts back on and practically run down the hallway to Jake’s room. It is locked. I bang on the door frantically. “Jake! Jake get up now we have to go” I echo through the door. Quickly after he swings open his door with his shirt in his hand, in the middle of putting it on.
The SUV was already started when we got out the front door and we ran to get into the car and soon as we sat down she reversed and tried to explain. “He slipped into a coma. They said they are trying everything to get him to wake up but they have no idea why it happened because he was in decent shape before” she says with tears forming in her eyes.
I reach up to the front seat to scratch her shoulder to try and calm her. I don’t think there is anything someone can do in this situation to calm someone in this much distress down but I tried. She is going dangerously fast down the highway. I know that she has been working hard to keep them afloat and thing we’re starting to get better. After that I couldn’t stand to listen anymore and closed my eyes hoping that by some miracle she wouldn’t end up killing us.
After what seemed like hours we reached the hospital and were quickly taken to another private room where we could talk with him alone. Of course his dad wasn’t going to be able to say anything. But Jake still wanted him to listen. He took his fathers hand a caressed his palm with his fingers while he said what he needed to say. Once he was done, I gave Jake a hug as his red face were completely covered in tears.
“He will be okay, I promise” I reassured him. We walked out of the room to discover his mom sitting next to the window, face completely void of emotion. He hasn’t spoken a word since we have gotten here.
“You know
. he was really excited for you both to come back. He was practically counting down the days” she admitted, wiping a tear from here eye. “I was so excited with him” she added. Her words shatter my heart. How is she not screaming in anger right now. Angry at the world for doing this to her innocent husband. That was something I admired about her. She was always able to contain her emotions well, almost too well.
Seeing both her and Jake in this state was absolutely terrible. I knew it would only take a miracle to fix this given his dads condition. “It’ll all be okay, Jake, don’t cry” I assure him. “It won’t, how am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to go back to school without seeing him, talking to him
 it hurts” “There is still a chance that he will make it Jake, don’t give up on it. I know he wants you to wait for him”
He couldn’t say anything, all he could do was bury his face into my shoulder and sob. He tried to form words, but they were only choked noises which caused him to cry even harder. “Shh its okay, I am here” I assure him. Me, Jake and his mom spent the night in the hospital. His mom slept in the room with his dad and me and Jake slept in a guest waiting room. Well, I was the only one who was able to get some sleep. Jake was up all night worrying about his father. I could hear him crying as I were trying to fall asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks had passed and his fathers condition remained the same, and to be honest, Jake and his mom seemed like they kind of accepted that this was the way that things were going to be.
We were back at the house, his mom would just go to work and lock herself in her room until she had to go to work again and Jake and I were preparing to go back to Korea for the Winter semester.
Mrs Sim did not want to see us leave, and she made it very clear. We were her last hope with everything going on with her husband. I really wish me and Jake could stay back to support her but we have jobs and bills that we have to get back to, and life can’t just pause for us. We promised we would let her know how we are feeling, how much we missed each other and everything else that went along with saying goodbye.
We leave in 3 days, and we made it our mission to hang out with his mom as much as we could before we left. She hasn’t taken a break either
 no time to her self she just has to keep working to pay for the house and the piling medical bills.
Those last few days, we took Mrs. Sim out for lunch at her favorite Thai restaurant. She seemed to genuinely smile for the first time in weeks as we joked and reminisced about times when all 4 of us were together. One night, we rented some classic movies she loved and made her favorite snacks. We cuddled up on the couch, enjoying the familiar feeling of just being together as a family again, if only briefly.
Jake and I helped around the house as much as we could - running errands, doing yard work, and cooking meals to give his mom a little respite. We made sure to soak in every moment because we didn't know when we'd all be together like that again.
~~~~~~~~~~
When it came time for our early morning departure back to Korea, Mrs. Sim took us both in for a tight hug, her eyes brimming with tears. "Take care of each other," she whispered hoarsely.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ Jake grabs our suitcases out of the trunk and his mom pulls me to the side.
“Please promise to take care of him for me. You have always been a safe place for him, I can only imagine how he has been feeling” she begged. I held bother of her hands in the palms of mine. “I promise, Mrs Sim, I will do everything in my power to take care of him, don’t worry. You have other things to worry about” I reassure her pulling her into a hug.
Layla climbs through the back of the car from the front seat and jumps out of the trunk to say good bye, jumping all over me and Jake just like when we first arrived. “Yes you’re such a good girl” he scruffs up her ears while giving her a kiss on the forehead. I gave Layla some belly rubs before his mom guided her back into the car.
“Please text me when you board, and call me when you land, I need to know that the two of you are safe.” said his mom. “Of course” we pulled her into one last hug. “I love you guys” she sobbed “I love you too” we said in unison as we walked towards to enterance, leaving his mom in the parking lot.
~~~~~~~~~~
The ride back home was hard for Jake. 10 hours of restlessness. The only time I saw Jake act kind of okay was at our layover in Manila. I tried to leave him be for most of the trip.
-
We landed at the airport in Seoul and made our way back through customs and immigration, I swear the process of getting out of the airport is more stressful than planing a trip itself. We load our things into my car, missing the excitement that Layla brought to the car ride.
Before we got into the car, Jake comes behind me and turns me around into a hug. “I am really worried about her
 my parents have been together for so long I can’t imagine how she would react with out him” he cried into my arms. “Your mom is a strong woman, I know it. She has you and I know she will be able to get through it.” I rub his back and lay my head into the crook of his neck.
I walk him over to his door and open it, letting him get into is and rest, we still had a 45 minute drive back to our place. I just let him ‘rest’ his eyes the whole way and I sat in silence trying not to wake him. The ride was bumpy, or maybe I was more aware of my surroundings not given that Jake wasn’t talking my ear off the whole time. I don’t mean it as a bad thing but he does a great job at keeping me company in the car. But that element was absent this time.
We were outside of our house quicker than expected. Jake was still fast asleep, he looked up he most peaceful than I have seen him these past few weeks I really did not want to wake him up. “Jakey we’re here” I whisper and gently grip his shoulder. He groans. He untucks his arms from under his shirt and rubs his eyes, trying to adjust to the light.
We make way up to the door, he didn’t bother grabbing anything out of the car but I was completely okay with grabbing everything if it meant he would get some rest. As soon as we stepped in the door, he took off his shoes and hurried to his bedroom, he didn’t ever bother changing his clothes before plopping onto his bed in pure exhaustion.
I found myself following him to the bed and sitting on the edge and grazing his back with my fingernails. My hands made way up to his hair and I combed his strands with my fingers. He turns over to lay on his back and I sit and admire his beautiful face while his eyes are closed. So peaceful. I couldn’t fight the urge to lean down and give his a soft peck before heading back to the car.
He didn’t seem to mind, his lips were soft as they instantly melted into mine for a few seconds. He didn’t seem supprised or shocked at all. He made it feel natural. “Thank you” he said, barely audible. I leaned in for another kiss, a smile building on my face as our lips met. No verbal response was needed, my smile against his spoke for itself.
~~~~~~~~~~
We had gotten back into our normal work and school schedule following the break. I still was not seeing Jake as much as I would like and it seems like I was getting less and less information by the day on his dad, which worried me. I tried to call Mrs Sim every single day to check in and get updates, as well as update her on mine and Jake’s life. She treated me like a friend. Like a daughter. I am very thankful to be accepted by her in that way.
Jake was clearly getting more stressed with work and school and I couldn’t figure out a way to ease the stress for him, all I could do was hope that it wouldn’t end up being too much.
Mrs Sim told me briefly once while we were on a phone call that me and her call way more often that her and Jake do. Jake has always been a texter and his Mom simply had to deal with not hearing her baby boys voice as often as she would like, which is why it was weird when me and Jake were laying in my bed around 11pm and his phone starts ringing.
Both of us were on the verge of falling asleep and the light from his phone screen made the situation more uncomfortable. At first Jake just reached over and turned off the ringer.
“Hey did you even see who it was? What if it was important” I question his instinct to end the call. “Fine let me look” he groans.
He reached over and grabs his phone and looks at the screen ‘Mom’ is what it read. “Answer it!” I urged him. Jake was hesitant. I think he thought that this was going to be the call, which he has been preparing to avoid at all costs.
Instead of letting the line go to voicemail, I snatch the phone out of his hand and answer if myself. “Hello Mrs Sim, is everything alright?”
“I am so glad to hear your voice. Is Jake around? It is important. Put it on speaker” she said.
“You’re on speaker” I informed her.
“Jake, your father is home, I picked him up about an hour ago. The doctor said that septic shock caused him to go into the coma, and they were able to treat the infection and keep him steady with some blood and IV fluids. He woke up yesterday and has shown no signs of complication ever since. I will take him back in a few days for testing and a check up. They saved him Jake
 They saved him.” His mother explained ecstatically, crying tears of happiness.
Jake’s face immediately lit up, with what I could see from the light of the phone screen. He instantly started crying.
“Baby I wish you were here right now. he misses you so much” he claimed.
Jake couldn’t even speak through his tears and his hitched breathing. “I love you so much mom, tell dad I love him and I will see him soon”
He sets the phone down and buries his face into my chest, letting out full on sobs. the toll that this situation has taken on his body physically and mentally was very obvious and I know he has been wanting good news.
~~~~~~~~~~
Weeks had passed and we came back to Australia for the Winter break. Jake was more excited than ever. When he saw his dad get out of the car at the airport, I had never see Jake run so fast in my life. Their hug seemed like it was out of a movie and he had been latched to his dad everyday since being back at his house.
His parents kind of picked up on me and Jake’s relationship, and didn’t question why I was wanting to sleep in Jake’s room and not the guest room any more.
We were laying there facing each other, admiring each others beauty in the dim moon light shining through the blinds.
“Tell me Jake, do you believe in fate?” I questioned lowly.
He looks somewhat startled. “Y’know, I have never really thought about that. After everything that has happened this year, I think I would say that I do” he confirmed, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
“Yeah I think I do too”
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mellowwillowy · 1 year ago
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Omg i love your work😭😭 especially Yulian he's crazy but he's sooo sweetđŸ„č and you write him so well fr
I was wondering how'd he react if his darling decides that they wanna break up with him / get a divorce,, or they start to feel like he's hiding something from them which causes them to doubt him. But I feel like he would 100% gastlight them first.
Chances of divorce in Utopia is 0 honey :)
But let's talk about Dystopia.
Yan! Lawyer Husband - GN Spouse Reader
Yes, Yulian will corner the fuck out of you mentally as much as he hates it. He should have picked up on the signs earlier and yet he paid no mind to it until you exploded, again.
The reason was simple, you doubted him.
It all started from a suspicion of his absence, the rumors circulating around him and the voice in your head yelling you to leave him.
'That man is no good! Leave him before it's too late again!'
"Where were you dear?"
"Duty called dear. I'm sorry for leaving you alone for a long time yeah?"
"I asked everyone around and they told me that you were absent for the 5 days. Where were you if you were not in the court nor your office?"
Yulian didn't expect you to bother questioning around, mentally adding another note to bribe everyone next time.
"I was visiting another place, the client did not like leaving his curb so I had to visit him myself, I'm sorry I didn't notify you earlier dear."
Yulian's hand creeped into your cheek, caressing it gently while giving you an apologetic smile. The smile that always makes you shrug all your doubts and worries away.
But not today.
"This is not the first time this has happened, Yulian."
Yulian jolted. You were glaring at him. The face that he rarely sees from you, the face that he never expected to see from you. You.
"Dear?"
'You know right? This man right here is nothing but a swindler!'
"Why do you always lie to me?"
'How many secrets has he hidden from you? Better yet, why is he keeping you in the dark?'
"Always, always, always lying. I had enough of you, Yulian. This is not the first I have confronted you and this is not the first out of your many lies that I haven't confronted you about."
'Stay away from him.'
"I want a divorce."
'Run.'
"Di... vorce?"
Yulian's face darkened. A face you had never seen before.
"Divorce?"
"Yes."
'Run!'
Yulian sat down, his eyes traveling toward anywhere but you. He took in a shaky breath before exhaling it in fury. No, it was not directed at you. It was directed at himself for being slow and dumb. A fool no less.
"I'll have Aava packed my stuffs today. I will hand you the papers for you to sign later." You paid no mind to his slumped figure, leaving him.
"No..." Yulian stopped you in your track, his hand holding your wrist tightly. "Don't leave me alone again."
"Is it not supposed to be directed at you instead?"
Yulian winced. You were right but he was right as well. What should he do? What should he do?
What he should do.
"Dear..." Yulian stood up to his feet, "don't you think you are being a bit too hasty?"
"Wha-?"
"Over something so menial," he knew he shouldn't word it like that, "I was trying my best you know? I tried my best to wrap up everything quickly but I just can't not attend to duties such as this."
He was driving you into the corner again.
"If this is the same word game you are playing with me then it's not working on me anymore."
"No, this is the truth we are talking about," Yulian's hand cupped your cheek, "I know you have it hard, but I too, am troubled from it. Do you perhaps view me as an irrespobsible man who leaves his spouse because he feels like it?"
What?
'Run, leave him, just leave him!'
"Have you always viewed me like that dear? I can't fathom how you... thought of me like that even just for the slightest."
Was it not supposed to be the other way around?
"You, you are the one who always thinks of me like that!"
"How could you even say that?"
How could you even say that to me then?
'Stop listening to him!'
Yulian's hands clasped your ears, his face close to yours.
"How could you even think of something so shallow?"
'ADAMMMMMMM!!!!'
"Have you never even considered my love to be real just even for once?"
You don't feel like thinking anymore. You don't feel like listening to them both anymore.
"Don't worry dear, I'll make sure to ease those doubts away. Just listen to me and everything will be alright."
'Do----'
Yes, that sounds just right. Right?
"How about you take those pills first?"
Yes, they always calm you down.
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milaisreading · 2 years ago
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hiiii ! what about a fic where manager is a bit mean ? like she had a bad day so she’s vv blunt with her remarks but even if she’s rough with them the bois just end up simping harder ? in a “step on me pls” kinda way !
thanks drink water and eat good and stay healthy !!!!!
Author: I have a much harder time writing mean reader aus, so I hope u like itđŸ©· thanks for the requestđŸ©·
Warnings ⚠: little bit of swearing and reader uses she/her. Mentions of periods. Requests are open
⚜Blue Lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚜
'Just two more hours and then I can go to my bedroom for a nap.' (Y/n) thought as her eye kept on twitching from time to time. Yesterday her period started, and thanks to her cramps she barely got any sleep. Ego and Anri made her wake up a little earlier to get some papers done for the JFU and to prepare the practice field for the Blue Lock team.
While she usually didn't mind that work, the cramps and lack of sleep made it hard for her to not lose it just a little bit. (Y/n) was hoping to have a calmer day than it usually was, but of course she was asking for too much. It started off really normal, Chigiri and Aryu asked (Y/n) to braid and comb their hair, which she gladly did, but then it turned into Baro screaming at them to leave her alone.
While she was used to Baro scolding them, today anyone's yelling pisses her off. With a deep breath, (Y/n) shook her head and calmly told Baro that it was fine and that she didn't mind it. Next one to piss her off was Rin, who kept on ignoring her warnings about his hand injury. The night before he had an accident and fell om his hand while practicing. His constant saying that everything was fine and not to worry about him was genuinely getting on her nerves.
'Can't he see I am scared he might injure it more?!' (Y/n) thought as she counted to 3 and nodded her head. Rin was left flabbergasted with how easily she gave up and moved on.
'I... where are my back pats?! She always gives me them before leaving!' Rin sobbed internally as the girl was talking to Kurona and Bachira over their defense.
The third and final straw which made her break loose was an incident that happened 5 minutes before practice for that day ended. (Y/n) smiled tiredly at the pile of towels she had folded and was planning on bringing to the washroom. It all went well until she heard Isagi's yelling to move away. She did that just in time for the football to fly past her and into the towels. (Y/n) felt her breath hitch up as her face turned red in anger, all the while the pile of towels kept mocking her.
"Sorry about that, (Y/n)..." Isagi said quietly, but quickly jumped away as (Y/n) sent him a deathly glare.
"Sorry? You are sorry?" (Y/n) asked as Isagi gulped. Kujigami, Chigiri and Nagi watched the scene nervously and tried to get the rest to calm down.
"Yes-"
"SILENCE!"
The boys felt shivers run down their spines as they heard (Y/n)'s yell and quickly turned to look at the scene.
"The whole morning I have to deal with your shenanigans and all I ask is for you to keep those footballs on the field, Isagi! Look what you did here!" She said while pointing at the towels.
"Uh..."
"Not a word!" (Y/n) put her hand up as the team looked stunned.
"You move your egotistical ass over there, pick those towels up and bring them to the laundry room! I am not doing this today or putting up with anymore bullshit today!" Just as (Y/n) finished that sentence the bell rang, indicating the end of another training day.
"Did I make myself clear?!"
"To-totally clear." Isagi stuttered out and watched as (Y/n) walked off. Once she was gone and out of earshot the team let out a collective sigh of relief and looked at each other.
There was a silence among all of them as Isagi started picking up the towels, face red and heart racing.
'That was... that was so...so hot!' He gulped.
"I like this side of her." Karasu,as usual, spoke up before thinking his words through. The boy expected weirded out looks, but surprisingly only got nods of agreement.
"Y-yeah... it was kinda hot." Hiori agreed as he tried to cool himself down. Chigiri and Kunigami nodded in agreement, both faces red.
"You think she might yell at me if I take of my brace during training?" The redhead wondered.
"We should try, I can pretend that I took it somewhere and forgot where." The orange-haired boy added as his friend nodded his head in agreement. Yukimiya and Otoya were busy stopping their nose from bleeding to even say anything.
'She was so cute with that glare!'
'So hot! I hope she punches me next!'
"Haa~ it was kinda cute seeing her with an irritated look~ the blush was just a bonus." Niko added in as Kurona shyly nodded his head.
"I hope she insults me next."
"You all are so weird." Baro sweatdropped as Aryu shook his head at him.
"Let's not pretend like you didn't enjoy seeing our manager mad. I saw the blush you had while she was yelling."
"You were weirder! You started drooling, Aryu!"
"True, but I am not denying it."
"Isagi is so lucky to get yelled at by her. All I got was being yelled at by Ego-san." Gagamaru grumbled, hoping he might slip up next and get the Isagi treatment.
"Reo? Did you faint?" Nagi asked as he watched the boy sit up.
"Of course I did! Didn't you see the look she had on her face! That was so hot!" The purple-haired boy yelled as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"True... but a slap from her would feel a lot nicer. Can you pay her to slap me?" The albino wondered.
"Nagi, you are a genius! But instead of you, she will slap me!"
"I came up with it, Reo! I call dibs!"
"I am the richer one tho~"
"Damn you, insect. That should have been me. What does she see in you to yell like that?" Rin glared down at Isagi's form as the boy kept shaking in excitement.
"That's not fair! Isagi, we are best friends, I deserved the yelling too!" Bachira pouted
The next day everyone was pretty much waiting for (Y/n) to arrive so that they can provoke her into snapping again.
'Hopefully it's me this time.' They all thought.
"ISAGI!" The boy looked at the door with wide eyes as (Y/n) ran through it, holding a small strawberry cake in her hands.
"(Y-Y/n)?" He mumbled and ignored all the death stares he was receiving. The girl smiled in relief as she saw him and ran to his table.
"D-did I do something wrong again?" He asked, hoping she might yell a 'yes' or something like that, but to his disappointment she shook his head.
"No, not at all. I am here to apologize for yesterday. I shouldn't have let my anger out on you like that." (Y/n) said as she blushed in embarrassment.
"It's alright, I didn't mind."
Yukimiya, Hiori and Kurona facepalmed at his straightforward answer as Rin chuckled.
'Maybe she will think he is weird and not talk to him again.'
"Please don't say that, you have all the right to be mad at me. You are too kind, Isagi." (Y/n) smiled at the boy, causing him to cough nervously.
"Here! I made you this, it's not much but I hope it makes up for the trouble I did! Ego-san is fine with you eating this today." (Y/n) said as she handed the boy the small cake. This caused the tension in the room to rise as they looked at Isagi. He? Receiving a cake? Made by their lovely, kind manager?!
'That should have been me!' Reo thought as Niko pouted.
'I want a cake from (Y/n), too.'
'Why him?! I am the genius here!' Nagi was getting pretty much heated up by this point as Baro scoffed.
'That donkey really getting more attention than me? This won't fly by!'
Kunigami, Bachira and Chigiri tried to stay as calm as possible as they were right in front of her, but all three were pretty much ready to kick Isagi.
"Y-you really shouldn't have! I wasn't upset yesterday." Isagi said with a red face as (Y/n) squealed on the inside.
'He is so adorable and understanding! We as a society don't deserve him!' Internally (Y/n) shed a tear and kissed the boy on the cheek.
"Ah?!" He yelled in shock.
"We really don't deserve you, Isagi! Anyways, I will leave you to your breakfast." (Y/n) smiled at the boy one last time and ran out the dining room. The room was eerily quiet as they all looked at Isagi in shock and anger.
"Isagi, what the fuck?!" Hiori yelled.
"Yeah man, not cool! That was supposed to be my kiss!" Aryu yelled.
"Damn you, blue-eyed freak! What's so great about you?!" Rin yelled, watching in anger as Isagi happily ate his cake.
"That was upposed to be me, damn it..." Reo cried as Nagi laid his head on the table, trying to forget that awful scene.
"My day is ruined."
"So is my appetite." Niko and Gagamaru grumbled
"I wonder what's it like getting a cake from (Y/n)." Kurona raised an eyebrow.
"Forget that! Imagine a kiss! A KISS!" Karasu and Otoya yelled, both evidently jealous of all the attention Isagi was getting.
"I am the king here... why is a peasant getting all that attention."
"It's not fair..."
Meanwhile Isagi was happily munching on the cake as his three friends watched him with forced smiles.
'Isagi...'
'Why him?'
'I have much more kissable cheeks.'
"You know... (Y/n)'s lips are very soft." Isagi blurted out and touched the spot where (Y/n) had kissed him.
"ISAGI!!"
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wonder-mei · 7 months ago
Text
Not mine to have (Honkai : Star Rail’s Boothill)
Reminder : I do not write accurately to the lore of the world I am writing. I write whenever there’s an idea
P.S: This is kinda rush and clunky but hey this is my comeback!
ïź©ÙšÙ€ïź©ïź©ÙšÙ€â™Ąïź©ÙšÙ€ïź©ïź©ÙšÙ€
The moon is brighter than the nights before. The moonlit the people of sleepless city but that does not bother the lovely loving small family living in a small apartment.
“Hey, why are you still awake?” Boothill eyes her sitting in a chair beside the window under the moonlight he drops his heavy on the floor and walks to sit in front of her “Something happened?”
She smiles looking down at him. His metallic hands lay on her lap. “Nothing is wrong. The moon is so bright today” She returns her gaze to the moon but Boothill keeps his eyes on her
“Yes it is”
She looks at Boothill who still stares at her. She chuckles and runs her thumbs on his knuckles. Everyone says his hands are cold but to her, they are warm like how humans should be. An insecurity of his ever since he came back to her life after years disappearing without a goodbye but she makes sure he is more human than anyone she ever met.
Her eyes shift back into his eyes showing adoration and love. She bites her lips from trembling, she looks away once again feeling the guilt she always feels “Why are you not mad at me?”
That question again. She always asks this for hundreds and thousands of times but Boothill will always smiles at her “Not a single thing in this world can make me hate you”
And the answer always makes her tears up. Boothill holds her face, his thumbs wipes the tears and caresses her cheeks. His eyes softened as more tears kept flowing “You should be with someone better. Should have left right after you know the truth”
Boothill doesn’t say anything. He smiles watching her cry again for something that has been resolved for years but he knows the guilt in her still stays in her “You asked me to wait but i didn’t”
“But you actually did” 
Few days before his disappearance, Boothill went to her home late at midnight telling her the stories he encountered that day; chasing people and being chased. He laughs at the danger he consistently got into. Then out of nowhere, before he jumped out the window he asked “Wait for me,okay?”
She didn’t know what he meant at that moment. She thought he was talking about not to sleep before his casual visits every night. She eventually knows the meaning of it. He left. 
Since that day, from day and night she always listens to the radio and watches the news to find any information about him. Just a glimpse of him is enough to aid her sorrowness but he is difficult to catch or take a photo of. She tried to forget him after a year of his disappearance. She tries the hardest she can but her heart craves for his presence. 
After 5 years, he finally came back. She ignored him at first but his attempt to pledge for forgiveness makes her heart ache. Even though she forgave him, she kept something from him. Boothill didn’t force to tell the truth instantly. He remained calm and waited for her to tell when she wanted to. One day, the truth was revealed. The reason why she persisted with him coming to her new home. She has a daughter. 
His life went downhill right after the words coming out from her mouth ‘She’s my daughter’. Once again, he disappeared but it didn’t take him long finding his way back to her. He was being selfish. He had abandoned her in a time where she needed him and yet she forgave him. That was just how pure and loving she was towards him.
“I may not be her biological father. But Sunny certainly came from my heart”
Sunny is his most precious treasure in this whole universe, no one can deny his love towards that toddler is pure. He went miles away just to get the finest clothing for her and the mother. He works from dusk until midnight just for them. Boothill comforts her, forgetting how tiring the day was towards him. She sleeps before him. He stays awake making sure those two are safe and comfy inside their house. 
The next day and the day after that, she did not ask the question but soon,will when she feels sad which Boothill will answer it nevertheless. 
“Papa look. Birdie” Sunny happily points at the birds flying above them
“Yes,Sunny. Birds” Boothill repeats her words holding her tight in his embrace and his other hand squeezes the mother’s hand not letting go in this crowded place. The city is having a small festival. Stalls are everywhere promoting their businesses and small fairs in the middle of the city. 
The small family have their fun together in the festival. Playing the fairs and buying any foods that peak their interest but something is bothering Boothill. He has been feeling someone is watching them. He doesn’t mention this to her, not wanting to end their fun.
Boothill and her sit on a bench near the playground where Sunny happily plays with random kids around her age. She leans on him. She can feel his tenseness “What’s wrong?”
His eyes wanders everywhere looking for something “I feel like we are being followed”
“What?” She straightens her back and looks around too “Who?”
Unexpectedly, Boothill stands up turning around ready to punch someone that was approaching them “Woah woah. Calm down. I’m not here to cause any trouble”. That voice is too familiar to her. The man she was with for a night at her sorrowness after a year Boothill disappeared which resulted in the birth of Sunny.
“You
 what are you doing here?”
Gallagher puts his hands in his pockets. He looked at Boothill then at her “My bar opened a stall for this small festival”. His eyes shift to the playground. He immediately recognize which is his
“Don’t even think about it” Boothill blocks his view and hides her behind him 
Gallagher sighs “Look. I’m not here to take her away nor-” he looks Boothill straight in his eyes “-taking them away from you,Galaxy Ranger”
“Then what?” The gruff tone of Boothill worries her. She holds his hand calling his name softly
Gallagher takes a glance at their intertwined hands and looks away “Children aren't my thing. I’m not mad at you for keeping this from me. But you know, you gotta see them some time right?” he continues, “Trust me. I am not taking her away” 
There is no denying Gallagher has rights to see his own child. He was not a bad man. They conceive just from one night and that night was the first and last they see each other. “How can we trust you?”
The bartender takes out a small pouch from his back pocket and toss it to Boothill “Take that as the delayed child support”.The pouch is heavy with coins
“You really shouldn’t have done this,Gallagher
 It’s also my fault for not telling you” she takes the pouch to give him back but he raise his hand stopping her to do so
“Please take it” he looks at Sunny chasing some other kids “She's a very healthy kid. 4 right?”. He eyes her for confirmation. He’s right. 
“She won’t be looking like that if it was me. She has one good hella of a dad,ya know?” As Gallagher watches Sunny running around, there’s a hint of regret. He knew being a father does not fit him but seeing his daughter now; healthy and happy makes him smile “Can i meet her?”
Boothill and her look at each other. They can’t keep Sunny away from him “Of course. Sunny loves to meet new people” she replied
Gallagher smiles “Sunny
” he then starts walking towards Sunny still running around the playground. Gallagher catches her in time when she trips “You gotta be careful,sports” He chuckles as he balances Sunny on her foot. Gallagher can see his features in her face that makes his heart warm.
“And what’s your name?”
“Sunny!”
“Sunny is a cute name” 
The child smiles wider “Your name?”
“It’s Gallagher”
Sunny tries to pronounce his name back but fails. He just laughs “It’s okay kid” He pats her hair smiling widely 
“You friend with mama and papa?”
Gallagher suddenly stops patting. The word ‘papa’ is not directly to him and never will be “Yes. Your mama and
.papa are my friends”
Sunny just giggles,being a child herself she is still gullible and naive. “Let’s go back to your parents,ay? You must be tired”
Sunny nods and raises her arms up. Gallagher stops in his tracks seeing Sunny wants to be carried. He gently leans down and carries her in his arms. She is so small and skin soft like milk. He walks back to where Boothill and her have been eyeing them both from afar. Gallagher cherishes these small moments he has with the daughter who never knew he is her biological father. 
“Here you go” Gallagher hands Sunny to her. His eyes never left Sunny. The regret of not witnessing her as a baby until she is at the state of this makes him want to go back in time. However, he can’t separate this family apart. They are already one. He has no heart to do so.
“Say goodbye to uncle”
Sunny did what her mother asked. She waves at Gallagher before leaving for their sweet comfort home. Now, Gallagher once again alone in this universe. Even the aeons gave him the faith of having a child and a family. At the end, they are not his to have. 
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Headcanon: Gallagher would sings I bet on losing dogs by Mitski every night after meeting Sunny
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adrienneleclerc · 10 months ago
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Grovel
Pairing: Walter Marshall x Hispanic/Latina! Reader
Summary: Walter begs Y/N for forgiveness after something that will test their relationship happens
Warnings: CHEATING, angst, spelling and grammar mistakes
A/N: based on April Jai’s unreleased song “Grovel”, I have no idea when it will be released but I can't wait for the song. This also doesn't follow Night Hunter/NOMIS canon, Walter is 40, Y/N is 32
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Walter Marshall thought that after his divorce with Angie, he was not going to find someone else. He believed he came with a lot of baggage because he is a homicide detective, that was until he met Y/N, a nurse.
Y/N was the one that treated Walter's bullet wound when he was on the Simon case and when he sees her in a bar a month later, they hit it off and went on 5 dates before Walter decided to ask her to be his girlfriend.
5 years later, they are still together and Y/N has moved into Walter's house and they are so happy and in love.
Until tonight.
It all started 3 days ago, it was 4 in the afternoon and Y/N was getting out of the hospital. Her car was in the shop and Walter said that he would gladly drop her off and pick her up. 10 minutes later, Walter picked her up.
"Hello, darling, how was your shift today?" Walter asked, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.
"It was good, a little tiring, but nothing a cuban coffee can't fix. How was your day, Oso?" Y/N asked.
"Stressful as fuck." Walter muttered.
"You're still on that case?" Y/N asked.
"Yes. We have no leads, it is like this guy is always three steps ahead and its pissing me the fuck off." Walter huffed out. Y/N took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over his hand in an attept to soothe him.
"You'll get this guy, i'm sure of it." Y/N said.
When they got home, Y/N saw the folders, clue board, everything that Walter had in his office at the police department was in his living room.
"You're working from home?" Y/N asked.
"I figured it would be better to focus all my attention on this case so I brought some of the files home, i hope that's okay." Walter said, sitting down at the table to look over things he might have missed with this case.
“Yeah it’s fine, Oso, that’s your job. Just don’t work too hard, okay? Sleep is not for the weak.” Y/N says.
“I know, love, I won’t turn into a zombie.” Walter said and they kissed.
Which brings us to tonight, Y/N took an Uber home because Walter’s phone was turned off. When Y/N entered the house, she found Walter drinking coffee in the living room, the same way she left him this morning and the day before.
“How was your day, Walter?” Y/N asked. Walter ignored her, writing notes on the case. “Well, my day was good, I worked with some of the pediatric patients, el dĂ­a fue sĂșper leve.”
“Y/N, I’m trying to work here.” Walter said.
“I see that, but you haven’t moved from this spot. Have you eaten? La estufa sigue igual de limpio, have you been living off coffee?” Y/N asked. Walter stayed silent. “Okay, fine, did you buy what I asked you to get?”
“You said I haven’t moved from this spot so clearly I haven’t gotten what you asked for.” Walter snapped, looking up from the table.
“No me hables así, eh, ni siquiera mi papá le habla así a mi mamá, Don’t try me, Walter.” Y/N said as she walked to the kitchen.
“Ugh, even Angie wasn’t such a bitch.” Walter muttered and Y/N stopped to turn around.
“You know what, you’re stressed, you haven’t eaten, you’re probably sleep deprived, let me just cook and we can talk after you take a nap, okay.” Y/N said but Walter then slammed his hands on the table.
“I am not a child, Y/N, you don’t have to smother me, and you are most certainly not my wife so stop acting like it.” Walter raised his voice and Y/N widened her eyes.
“I May not be your wife but I am your girlfriend, and I deserve to be respected, Walter.” Y/N said.
“I am not going to sit here and be nagged by you, I’m going out.” Walter huffed.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Y/N shouted.
“Out! Are you having trouble hearing me more than usual?” Walter asked as he left the house, closing the door behind him.
“Ugh, me encabrona!” Y/N shouted. This was their first big fight. Y/N calmed down a little and she wanted to cry because she just drove her boyfriend out of his house.
Walter sat in his truck to calm down a little. “FUCK!” Walter shouted, hitting his steering wheel. He drove somewhere he thought he would stop visiting after Faye went away to college; Angie’s house.
Walter rang her doorbell and Angie opened the door in Jeans and a sweater.
“Walter? What are you doing here? Faye doesn’t come back until spring break.” Angie said.
“I know, I came to talk to you.” Walter said.
“You should have called, this isn’t a good time.” Angie said.
“I think I messed things up with Y/N.” Walter said. Angie sighed and moved out of the way so Walter can come in. Angie walked to the couch and patted on the empty space next to her.
“Tell me everything. Y/N seems very sweet, kinda young, but she’s a good person, what the hell did you do?” Angie asked him
“I’ve been too focused on this case that i forgot to pick her up from her job since they are working on her car, I yelled at her, basically called her a bitch, and disrespected her. She just wanted to to take care of me, to stop me from getting burnout, and I yelled at her and disrespected her. Saying that she should stop acting like she’s my wife.” Walter said. His eyes were tearing up.
“Wow, that’s a lot to unpack.” Angie said.
“Why did we get a divorce, Angie?” Walter asked.
Why are you asking me that?” Angie asked.
“Was it me? Was I the problem?” Walter asked. Angie looked at him, saw that Walter looked practically broken.
“Listen, Walter, we got married in our early 20s. We were young, we weren’t going to last anyway. You tried your hardest to make me happy, and i was happy with you for a while. You are a great father to Faye, you put your all in our relationship, but you are also a workaholic.” Angie said softly. “It’s not a bad thing, you’re a cop, someone has to get the bad guys, right? I couldn’t handle that because I’m not used to it. But Y/N is a nurse, right? A nurse and a cop, what could be better than that? She knows the heavy workload you have because she has the same.”
“So what you’re saying it that I pushed away the one person who could possibly understand me.” Walter said.
“Sorta. You shouldn’t have yelled at her, she was just trying to get you to relax and eat, God knows how much I tried to get you to eat back when you were still on the SWAT Team.” Angie said.
“My job is stressful, Angie, you know that.” Walter said.
“And so does she. I’m sure you’ll make it right.” Angie said. Then Walter’s stomach growled and bleh of them laughed.
“Yeah, Y/N wasn’t lying when she said I was living off coffee, do you have anything to eat?” Walter asked.
“I Can order us takeout. You want Chinese, Italian, or Latin food?” Angie asked, holding out the menus she keeps in a kitchen drawer.
“Latin food.” Walter said, already missing Y/N’s cooking.
“You got it, detective.” Angie said.
While Y/N was drinking wine, eating ice cream, and watching movies that make her cry (for me it’s how to train your dragon, Beethoven, elemental, I’m a sensitive and emotion person, okay), Walter was getting nostalgic with Angie, eating and drinking.
"Remember that time you stayed up with me for a case when I just started working as a homicide detective?" Walter asked, eating a piece of chicken with his rice.
"Oh my god, yes, I was so tired, I think I crashed around 4am, I was exhausted at work." Angie said.
"I told you that you didn't have to stay up, but you were so stubborn and made us coffee after you put Faye to bed." Walter said.
"I had to support my husband." Angie said, taking a sip of wine.
More time went on, they finished the bottle of wine, and one thing led to another, Walter kissed Angie.
Y/N saw that the time was 10pm and Walter still hasn't come home yet. She got off the couch and unlocked her phone to call Walter, it went to voicemail after a few rings.
"Hey Oso, please come back home. We both have said some things, you mostly, but I really want to talk about this, I'm sorry if I nag you, that is not my intention, I just love you so much and I want you to take care of yourself, bye." Y/N left the voicemail and went to the bedroom she shared with Walter and Walter and Angie were too busy undressing each other on their way to her bedroom to notice his phone vibrating on the kitchen counter.
Walter lied awake in bed, with Angie by his side, Angie was asleep, both were naked.
"What have I done?" Walter wondered out loud in a whisper. He tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes, he just sees what happened with Angie.
It was 8 in the morning and Y/N did not have to go in for work. She went downstairs and Walter still wasn't back home. Meanwhile Walter was putting his clothes back on.
"This never should have happened." Walter stated, zipping up his pants.
"You think I'm thrilled we slept together? I'm married! I'm just happy he has a business trip in Boston." Angie said, putting on her bathrobe.
"Where is my phone?" Walter asked, looking throgh her bedroom.
"It's probably downstairs on the kitchen counter. Have a safe trip home, make up with Y/N, I'll see you when Faye comes back." Angie said. Walter went downstairs and turned on his phone. He saw a voicemail from Y/N. He played the voicemail and his eyes strated tearing up.
"I am such a wanker." Walter muttered. He walked out of the house and got into his truck to go back home. He saw Y/N’s car in the driveway. He spent a few mintues in his truck crying, thinking about how he should tell Y/N. Its worse if she finds out later so it is better to be truthful now. He got out of the car, walked into the house and saw Y/N making pancakes.
"Oso, you're back!" Y/N exclaimed, leaving the mixing bowl on the counter and walked over to him, pulling him into a hug. "Listen, I promise not to 'nag' you as much if you promise to take care of yourself. I am not trying to smother you, I just don't want you to burn yourself out, okay?" Y/N pulled away from the hug and saw that Walter's eyes were red. "Hey, whats wrong?" Y/N asked, she was about to wipe his tears when Walter took her hands in his and pushed them away.
"We need to talk." Walter said.
"Okay, can it wait?" Y/N asked.
"No, it can't." Walter said. Y/N looked at him, his face was serious. She nodded and took off her apron, followed Walter into the living room and sat on the couch. Walter had her hands in his. "Something happened when i left. But I'm letting you know now that it meant nothing and that I completely regret it."
"Walter, you're scaring me, what did you do?" Y/N asked, her voice breaking as her eyes became glassy.
"I drove to Angie's house. I need clarity, I just fought with you and I know i messed up really bad but I didn't know if it would have been the end. I asked Angie why we got divorced, I asked if it was the problem with our argument." Walter said, carefully looking at Y/N's reactions to his words. "She came to the conclusion that you and I are perfect for each other and that I should be more open to accepting your help, that I was pushing you away. We were reliving our good moments, we were eating drinking, and then we..." Walter was cut off by Y/N putting her hand up.
"You slept with your ex wife?" Y/N asked.
"Yes.” Walter admitted.
“You slept with your ex-wife after she told you that you and I were practically perfect for each other?” Y/N asked again.
“Yes.” Walter whispered. Y/N nodded and took her hands out of Walter’s, she walked to the kitchen and Walter trailed behind her. He observed how she picked up the mixing bowl and continued to mix the batter before turning on the stove and pouring the mix with a ladle onto the pan. “Say something, anything.” Walter said. Y/N remained silent until she finished making pancakes and the mixing bowl was empty.
“You wanna know what I did when you left me on our home? I cried because I had no idea where you were going. I was drinking wine and purposely watching movies that I know will make me cry because you were gone for hours and did send me a text to let me know you were alright. We never had a fight like this, Walter, Never, in our 5 years of dating. And the first thing you do is go to your ex-wife’s house? After you told me that Angie wasn’t as much as a bitch as I was? Do you see how messed up that is?” Y/N asked Walter with tears in her eyes.
“It didn’t mean anything, Y/N, I swear.” Walter said.
“Oh please Walter, you guys were married for what, 9 years? You loved each other, Walter. Maybe you still love each other, I don’t know. What I do know is that feelings were involved, Walter. It’s is different than sleeping with a random woman, which I would still be angry about by the way. You cheating on me with Angie is much worse than a random hookup.” Y/N explained, trying to hold on her tears.
“It was a mistake, Y/N, we were drunk.” Walter said.
“Oh, you were drunk, I guess that makes it better, then.” Y/N commented sarcastically. Me vale madre if you were drunk or not, we were still together.” Y/N said.
“I can make it better, please. I’m sorry I hurt you, I shouldn’t have left you, it was bad judgment on my part.” Walter said, he was going to wrap his arm around her when Y/N moved away.
“Now is not the time Walter.” Y/N said.
“What happened to Oso?” Walter asked.
“You lost that nickname the minute you slept with Angie. The worst part about ALL OF THIS is that you needed her to tell you that we were perfect for each other. You needed confirmation from another person, you couldn’t just take my word for it. You didn’t want me to smother you? Well congratulations, Walter, I won’t be here to smother you anymore.” Y/N said, walking upstairs, Walter following suit. He saw her pull out a suitcase, she was packing.
“No, please don’t leave me, we have to talk about this, please.” Walter said. Y/N looked up to see Walter’s eyes, his once bright blue eyes were now dull.
“Fine, you want to talk, let’s talk. How was your night with Angie?” Y/N asked.
“I don’t understand.” Walter said.
“Then let me help you understand. While I was home watching movies, you were fĂŒcking Angie in her house, how was she in bed? Is that clear enough?” Y/N asked kinda aggressively.
“I can’t answer that.” Walter stated.
“You’re the one who wanted to talk.” Y/N reminded him.
“It was different, you and I have always made love, Y/N. Angie was nothing compared to what we have.” Walter said. Y/N got closer to Walter.
“Had, Walter.” Y/N said, she finished packing her suitcase with her clothes, towels, and toiletries. She got the suitcase and started walking downstair, opening the front door, Walter trailed behind her. “You finally did it, Walter, you pushed me away, I hope you’re happy.” Y/N gave Walter his key back.
“What can I do to fix this? Fix us?” Walter asked.
“I just need time. I can’t sleep in the same bed with you or stay in the same house with you knowing that if we have another fight, you’d go to Angie, that you slept with Angie. The day I moved in, you promised me that you’d never hurt me and I believed you, guess we were both wrong.” Y/N said. She left and closed the door. Walter immediately broke down crying on the floor, he messed up big time.
Y/N entered her car and called one of her friends from the hospital.
“Hey Y/N, what’s up, how’s your weekend?” Her friend asked.
“Hey Blair, um, I was wondering if I can stay at your house for a few days or a few weeks.” Y/N said.
“Yeah, babe, stay with me as long as you need, okay? You sound like you’ve been through it. Go over to my house, I’ll call Seth and let him know, okay. Love you, bye." Blair hung up and Y/N but Blair's address on her phone and drove to her house. She saw Blair's husband, Seth, outside the house with the door open, along with two kids playing in the front yard with a cavalier king charles spaniel. Y/N parked her car in the driveway and got out.
"Y/N, its so nice to meet you, you need any help with your bag?" Seth asked.
"No, its fine, I got it." Y/N said. "How old are they?" Y/N asked Seth, entering the house.
"7 and 4. The dog is 2. We don't have the guest room set up so you will have to sleep on the couch tonight, is that alright?" Seth asked.
"Of course, I’m intruding. I will help with dinner and cleaning.” Y/N said.
“Sounds like a deal.” Seth said
Walter has been throwing himself into work since she left 4 days ago. Whenever there was an interrogation and the suspect would get testy, Walter took out all his anger on them. However, Commissioner Harper has had enough of Walter’s anger issues.
“Marshall, you can’t keep hulking out on the suspects/perps, we’ll get nowhere. Go home, you’re not coming back until you fix whatever problem you have going on.” Harper said. Walter huffed and walked out.
When he made it home and saw the picture of him and Y/N together, he decided it was time to get her back. He got in his truck, bought her favorite flowers, and went to the hospital she worked at. He got out of the truck and entered the hospital lobby.
“Hi, I’m Walter Marshall, I’m here to see Y/N L/N, she’s a nurse.” Walter said.
“Do you know what floor she’s working on?” The receptionist asked.
“Can’t you check?” Walter asked.
“She’s assigned to me 9th floor, here’s your visitor pass.” The receptionist said and Walter thanked her. He saw that a lot of people were waiting for the elevator so he decided to take the stairs. Luckily for him, this was light work compared to his SWAT training. He stopped at the 9th floor and walked to the nurse station.
“Hello, can I
oh it’s you.”
“Nice to see you too, Blair. Do you know where Y/N is?” Walter asked, lowkey out of breath,
“Why would I tell you? She’s devastated over his things ended.” Blair said.
“That’s why I’m here, to make things right. Where is she?” Walter asked again.
“She’s getting a translator from the supply closet.” Blair answered, pointing towards the door and Walter thanked her. He opened the door and saw Y/N in her light blue scrubs, her hair (down, braided, in a ponytail, up to you!), he closed the door and Y/N turned around.
“Walter, what are you doing here?” Y/N asked. Walter saw that Y/N had dark circles under her eyes, Y/N noticed the same thing about Walter. His hair was messier than usual.
“I came to win you back.” Walter says, handing Y/N the flowers.
“Flowers? You think you can fix everything with flowers?” Y/N said.
“No, but I think this might fix everything.” Walter said.
You better learn to grovel Get down on your knees Begging for forgiveness like "please, oh baby, please" I want all the tears streaming down your pretty face Telling me I'm someone that you can't replace I want you to grovel, grovel
Walter got down on his knees in front of Y/N, looking up at her like he was worshiping a goddess, on his mind he was.
“Please forgive, Y/N, you mean the whole world to me, these last few days have been utter torture, my house doesn’t feel like a home anymore, you brought light to my life, I am nothing without you.” Walter starts tearing up, voice breaking. “Please, baby, please forgive me, I made a terrible mistake, I admit that, you are someone that I can’t replace, no one, and I mean no one could replace you. You are so special to me, I am so lucky to have you, and I will worship the ground you walk on if you let me, please. I don’t know what I’ll do without you in my life.” When Walter was finished with his little speech, both of them were crying.
“Of course I forgive you, Oso. Now get up, the floor is filthy.” Y/N said, helping Walter up. Walter laughed lightly, getting up, and pulling Y/N into a kiss. She pulled away. “So I don’t have to worry about Angie?”
“Of course not, my love, I am in love with you, I dreamt about you since you left, I missed you. I will worship you everyday until I die, no one compares to you, I swear.” Walter said, kissing her once more.
“Thank you for the flowers. And thank you for coming all the way here to apologize, must’ve been hard with Blair being in the front today.” Y/N said, smelling the flowers.
“No it was not. Quick question, not that I’m ungrateful or anything, thank you for forgiving me, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t, but why did you?” Walter asked. Y/N pretended to think.
“Have I ever told you that I love when a man grovels and begs?” Y/N playfully asked and Walter laughed wholeheartedly.
“Good to know for the future. I’ll see you at home.” Walter kissed her goodbye, both of them walking out of the supply closet.
“See you at home.” Y/N said, still holding the flowers.
Walter walked back to his truck and got in. Smiling to himself, she’s coming back home, back to me
The End
Hope y’all liked it, was it too long? Was it good? I don’t know how to write couple fights, clearly. This took forever to write
Taglist: @warriormirkwood
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lassiekitsune · 1 year ago
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Peter Parker x Reader "Under the starry sky"
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GIF isn't mine
Description: You need help with your math test and you ask your best friend for help. But Peter needs to tell you something important, after which your relationship will never be the same.
Warnings: fluff, a little agnst.
Y/N - Your name
(H/C) - Hair color
"- On Monday, I'll be waiting for you all to write a very important math test. You all will have enough time to prepare" - your teacher said then the school bell rang. Mathematics wasn't your favourite school subject, but your family demanded perfect grades from you. "It's just not realistic" you thought. The problem was that you missed the last topic due to illness and no one could help you... Almost no one. A few minutes later you spotted your best friend Peter Parker with Ned in the school hallway. Peter was known at school as one of the smartest students in the school, who knew the entire school curriculum at "A+". It was because of his knowledge that Peter was often mocked by his classmate Eugene Thompson ("Flash"), but you didn't care about him. You and Parker have been friends for many years, and it was he who you decided to ask for help with math.
"- Hello, Peter! Hello, Ned!" - you smiled.
"- Hey Y/N! We haven't seen each other for a long time" - Peter smiled at you as well, and so did Ned - "Did you want to ask something?"
"- Um, yeah, but..." - You looked at Ned. Peter's friend taking your hint and leaving the two of you alone. You sighed and continued - "So, I think I need your help" - Peter adjusted his backpack and looked at you curiously
"- Did something happen to you?"
"- No, I'm fine, don't worry" - knowing Peter's caring side, you rushed to comfort him - "Do you know that I have been absent from school for several weeks?" - Parker nodded - "And I missed the last subject in mathematics, and on Monday I have a test for which I am not ready at all... This is exactly what I need your help with"
"- Wait, do you want me to explain the topic to you?" - Peter's eyes lit up with joy
"- I do not insist, if you are busy
"
"- No!" - your friend interrupted you - I'm completely free today! If it's convenient for you, you can come over to my house today around 6:00 p.m., okay?"
"- Okay, sorry, I must go. Goodbye"
"- See you later, Y/N" - if you had turned back at that moment, you would have noticed how Peter guided you with his gaze.
~5:58 p.m.~
You are standing in front of the door of the Parker house. Peter told you a LOT about his Aunt May, and he was sure that you would become friends. You took a deep breath and tapped ligtly. Contrary to your expectations, a woman opened the door and smiled at you.
"- Hello! Are you Aunt May?"
"- Hello, yes, it's me. And you are Y/N? Peter said you would come today".
"- Yep, I'm Y/N. Can I come in?"
"- Of course, but Peter isn't at home now"
"- Oh, then I think I should go. Peter will call me when he gets back"
"- No, no! You can stay here, I don't care. After all," - May gave you a strange look - "I wanted to get to know you better"
~8:30 p.m.~
You were sitting next to Aunt May who offered you tea and you were talking to each other. Peter was still not at home.
"- Aunt May?"
"- Please call me just May"
"- Okay, May, where do you think Peter could be at this late hour?"
"- Honestly, I don't know" - May sipped her tea from her cup - "This is not the first time he has come home late. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't tell me anything" - May sighed. The conversation continued untill your mother called you and reminded you that it was time for you to go home.
"- Don't worry, Y/N, I will have a SERIOUS talk with Peter tonight" - May said with a special emphasis on the world "serious".
"- No, you don't have to" - you didn't want your best friend to get in trouble. When you got home, you changed and went to your room. You can't to sleep, probably you were worried about Peter. You've had a crush on Peter for a long time, but you've always had to hide those feelings from him. Of course, you, like many girls, dreamed that one day he would confess his love to you. So, after spending several hours in bed, you went out to the balcony to look at the stars. The night wind blew your (H/C) as you gazed up at the twinkling stars, and you closed your eyes to hear the sounds of night nature. Silence. Peace. Stop, something is wrong. You opened your eyes and heard footsteps on the roof. "- Are they thieves?" you thought and hid behind old boxes. A footsteps got closer and you tried to sit as quietly as possible. One moment, and familiar shadow is standing on your balcony. You did not think that HE would appear here, but you believe your eyes, before you stood the famous Spider-Man. Judging by his rapid breathing, he had just been running away from someone. You could endlessly watch this Superhero until he would have disappeared in his direction if not for his spider-sense. Spider-Man turned to face you
"- Y/N? What are you doing here?" - said a familiar voice
"- How do you know my name?" - You were in shock, but managed to find the strength to come out of your hiding place.
"- It's not important now, we have to get out of here" - Spider-Man held out his arms to you - "Don't be afraid of me, I won't hurt you. But now you are in danger if you do not go with me"
"- But, I..." - your voice was interrupted by the roar of some black scary creature that was slowly approaching you.
"- We must go RIGHT NOW!" - Spider-Man said as he grabbed you with one hand and held you close while the other released a web that gave you the opportunity to escape from this creature.
"- Thank you for saving me, but who was that?" - you asked fearfully
"- Venom and you're welcome"
"- What did he want?" - you asked, Spider-Man didn't turned to you
"- I'm sorry, it's my fault. You shouldn't have seen it..."
"- What? It's not your fault!" - you moved closer to him. You wanted to continue but the words got stuck somewhere in your throat. You realized where you could hear this voice, without thinking long, you defiantly pulled off his mask.
"- Hey! What are you doing?" - Spider-Man was outraged and tried to take his mask from you
"- Peter? Is that you?" - you asked in surprise. Parker looked at you and turned away sharply.
"- No! Don't look at me!" - Peter tried to hide his face with his hands -"I'm not Peter!
"- You are Spider-Man! I can't believe it"
"- Don't talk so loud" - Peter came closer - "Someone might hear it"
"- Hey, don't worry, I promise no one will find out about your secret"
"- T-thank you..." - Parker whispered "- Why are you awake at such a late hour?"
"- I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you. You promised to come, but you didn't"
"- Oh, I'm so sorry about it"
"- Don't worry, I had a great time with your Aunt May, I think she liked me"
"- That's good" - Peter smiled. There was an awkward pause between you as you just stared down. Parker was the first to break the silence between you
"- Y/N can I tell you s-something?"
"- Sure" - after your words, Peter nervously took your hand and looked into your eyes
"- Y/N, I know now is not the right time, but we have been friends for a long time and I... I... No! I can't to say that!" - Peter turned around
"- Peter" - you came closer to him and touched his shoulder with your hand -"You know you can tell me everything and I'll keep it in secret if you ask me. We are best friends, do you remember?"
"- That's what I tried to say, Y/N!" - Peter turned to you sharply -"I don't want to be your friend anymore!" - You felt your heart break into a million pieces.
"- Well, if that's what you really want..." - you could barely hold back your tears - "I won't bother you anymore..."
"- No, no, no, wait, that's not what I meant!" - Peter sighed and whispered - "Oh, my God, Peter, why are you so stupid?" - You didn't understand anything. Peter, as if thinking something, took your hand againe
"- Peter, what are you do..." - you were interrupted by an unexpected kiss on the lips. Peter kissed you and it was completely real! Realizing what he was doing, Parker pulled away from you.
"- No, what have I done? Y/N, I'm sorry, I didn't ask you before..." - you kissed him again to shut him up. This moment could last forever if you didn't need oxygen, you pulled away from each other, gasping for air
"- Wow! I did not expect this" - Peter smiled nervous and looked at you -"But, now I'm sure, I love you, Y/N and... Would you like to be my girlfriend?"
"- Yes..."- you answered, Peter smiled and kissed you again.
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hydrangeyes · 1 year ago
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Valentines day scenarios
So if you don't know, Yes this already existed, my old account was deleted (accident but I can tell I won't be getting it back), and am reposting my old x male reader works!
I don't know if I saved all of them but here is one that was saved to my AO3 account.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Edit Nov.8.2023: I forgot just how much I was into Bnha/Mha, Like going through google docs I had 130 + fic ideas listed out (Like HUH???)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Aizawa:
“Mh.”
“Mhm.”
(You both stayed in bed and then later Aizawa surprised you with cooking dinner AND washing the dishes. You absolutely dick him down afterwards)
________
Hizashi:
Okay pretend covid didn’t happen-
“Hiza guess what I have~”
“Hm?~”
“2 tickets to [insert shared fav band], they’re playing tonight!~”
“Y/N!! So did I!!!”
The both of you hunt for a double date (only to kinda ditch them later) and are absolutely loud gremlins during the whole road trip and show.
(Rough outdoor sex abit away from the crowds??? Thrusts matching the beat and you both laugh about that later)
_________
Hawks:
“I’m pampering you today.”
“W-wha? Y/n shouldn’t it be-”
“No. Shut up. First order is cuddles and massaging your wings.”
“O-oh okay 😳”
(Your spoiling him rotten. If he has to work, watch you call them up and say get bent before hanging up. Today you have the excuse to finally wreck hawks with absolute care and fluff)
__________
Toshinori:
“Ah~ this onsen is the best~”
“It issss~ we can order whatever after even.”
“Really!? đŸ„ș”
“Mhm, I um, asked them to make something special just for you 👉👈”
(Idk why writing him is so hard)
__________
Tomura:
“Today’s Valentines day right?”
“Uh huh, yeah it is.”
“And your working.”
“Um I didn’t think you cared for holidays to be honest
”
“
..”
“
.”
“Any day that you can fully give all your attention to me is one we are celebrating.”
“Heh okay- Woah!”
“I’m not getting off your lap until you call your shitty boss and tell him you’re off today- no. The rest of the week”
(I love the thought that tomura demands your attention/is bratty once he knows without a doubt you’re actually dating.)
_____________
Dabi:
“
.”
“No.”
“Oh come on dabi!”
“No. Nope. Fuck that.”
“Atleast accept the chocolate I made?”
“
.you..made me chocolate?”
“Of course! I was thinking of buying you alot of presents and flowers but I think you’d like me making you something more”
“
.hand them over.”
____________
Gang orca:
It’s just horny all day sorry. Telling me if he was off this day and maybe doesn’t have work the next he wouldn’t spend it absolutely wrecking y/n? Like in a sexy way or non sexy? Pls.
Out of any character besides the obvious ones I feel like he’s eating any type of treat that he can off of you. Round 5? Break time, cuddle bath bubbles, champagne or wine, oil massages at home horny “I love you and miss you and need you” sex. The day ends with you both exhausted because fuck all else you wrecked him too.
——–
Denki:
I’m a simp. I’m sorry I love him so much. Anyway
“Babe, babe wake up.”
“Hm?”
“You have the hardest morning wood right now and I want to lick chocolate off if it.”
———–
Brain starting to crash so this is all I got for now lol
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renee-writer · 1 year ago
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Letters Chapter 5
AO3
She carries them into the great room where she has a folding table and chairs set up. Sitting in one, she lays the letters out. Opening one, she sees it is addressed to,
 
 
“Our coming bairn,
 
My darling, this is yer da. I dinna ken whether ye be a lass or a lad. It matters not. Yer mama assumes I wish for a lad. I dinna think she believes me when I say it doesn’t matter. Truly whatever God gifts us with is fine with me.
I cannae wait to see ye. To see yer mama in ye. She is beautiful. I ken ye will be as well. I cannae wait to take ye riding. A horse man, or lass, ye shall be.
Yer mama believes it will be anytime, yer coming. She is sae brave. Yer da has delivered many a horse and coo. To see a woman be delivered of a child, weel, yer da is glad that I dinna have to witness such. “
 
The next on the pile is wrinkled when she removes it. From long dried tears, she sees as she reads the opening line.
 
“Ye were delivered still, my daughter. Yer Auntie Jenny named ye Faith. Beautiful, as I expected ye to be, fair of skin with my red hair and yer mama ‘s curls. Yer mama
”  There is a break here where a swatch of ink takes the center of the page, “yer mama wished for Julia, after her own mama. We thought it better to wait until a living child. Nae it matters.” Another break. She reads his breaking and shattered heart in the pauses, “They couldn’t stop the bleeding. They tried. Jenny was near covered with it when she came to tell me. I was holding ye, saying goodbye. She took ye and I rushed in, just in time.  She slipped away as I held her hand, begging her to stay.
Ye are both with the angels now. I am alone.”
 
Claire laid the missive aside, reaching for the tissues. She wept for this heartbroken man. This Jamie who feels as near as his writing. After a few minutes, she picks up another one. It is next in the chronological order he wrote them.
 
“My dearest Claire,
 
We laid ye to rest today. Faith lays cradled in your arms. I dinna ken how to go on from here. The life we planned is under the dirt and I only go on out of habit. How am I to keep moving forward without ye? How could death part us sae soon?
I railed against the Almighty. How can His will be thus? I shall find ye again. If it takes all of eternity, I shall find ye! I must.”
 
“What type of love is this?” she asks the room.
 
Shaking, she slides the next one out.
 
“My dearest Claire,
 
Hope! I have hope. How ye could have kept such a thing from me, I cannae fathom. Going through yer things, I found the letter ye penned to me. I understand so much more now. How ye ken’ d what ye did. I would have believed ye. There was always a trust between us. All ye had to do is tell me. Ah, ye have, in ye own way.
As ye made it here once, I ken ye can again. I shall be waiting. As always, yer faithful husband.”
 
“What the hell?” Claire mumbles to herself. Inside the envelope, that the last letter had been in, there is another.  Opening it, she sees, to her shock, her own handwriting. It is recognizable even with the different writing instruments used. Heart pounding, she reads it.
 
“My dearest Jamie,
 
I have a confession. I am not who I seem to be. Yes, I am your wife and shall always be. But, I am more. I am a time traveler. I was born in the year 1915. While in Scotland on holiday, I explored a strange set of standing stones. A touch of the largest transferred me to your time. I woke up disoriented in a time different from my own. Then Murtagh found me. My clothing, that you thought a shift, was actually a dress from my time.
I should have told you straight away but, I never expected to fall so deeply in love with you. I pray soon I get the courage to share this with you. You deserve the truth.
Your love,
Claire.”
 
She sits holding the letter as the clock chimes the hour. It brings her back to herself.  Shaking her head in a futile effort to clear it, she struggles to make sense of it all.
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year ago
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for the fic writer asks!!
5, 9, 13, 15, 29?
hi hi aayo!!
[questions were here]
5. So, a while back, I was spitballing with my friends about Pokemon Black/White & the sequel, because I love those games, those are my childhood Pokemon games, and the story is so close to brilliant I can taste it. It would just need a little touching up, I swear, adjust a motivation here, add some more scenes there... But see the thing is, doing that would take. A While. and I just don't think I have the patience to do a full rewrite of a Pokemon game from 2010 so it'll probably remain an idea.
9. Yes! I do! I try to do a few hundred words a day, every day. Depending on how bad my depression is, I can be pretty consistent about it and get a lot done. And I did manage to do a little today for that nsfw lucifer/raphael fic I'm working on! Let's see here. Ahem. "Waiting, a front of perfect obedience betrayed by how hard he’s clenching his hands together behind his back to keep from touching himself." :) I am. doing things. to luci.
13. It depends on the fic. Some of them, I want to say Last Call and could have been anyone, anyone are good examples, start writing themselves in my head with absolutely no warning, and I have to jump to the nearest thing to jot down the sentences before they disappear forever. Others, like Honey, Don't Feed It, have literally been turned over in my brain for more than a year, twisted and changed until I've gotten a fic I actually like out of it.
15. Sometimes it's a song title, sometimes it's a line from the fic, sometimes it's 'it is 4am when im posting it and ive already typed up the fucking tags and the summary and i am so so tired whats the closest noun i can think of' and then i slap it on there and call it a day.
29. asjklajdksld my first thought was 'oh you know what fine i'll post what i had of that samifer fic before it gets deleted but uh It Is Literally Entirely Porn. so lets. lets go with something a little more PG, yeah? Not exactly polite of me to throw smut at you without asking.
So instead, have this bit from the original draft of my next Sarah/Lucifer/Nick fic that got cut because I switched the pov character from Sarah to Nick for. Reasons.
Sarah has had a lot more time to paint in the last few months. Enough that muscle memory she thought lost has slowly reappeared, making her hand steadier. Her art hasn’t become more neat as a result, but it has grown purpose in its mess. Her mother always wished she’d take after her grandmother and paint lush green forests and pretty meadows, but Sarah’s brushes led her down a different path. Intricate strokes litter the paper, testing to see how close she can bring the painting to the being curled around her spine before it devolves into a jumbled mess. Lucifer is not an easy muse. Sarah hasn’t managed to paint a piece that does her justice yet.
This one is barely recognizable as anything, more abstract than Sarah’s committed to in a long time. A lot of her paintings of Lucifer start somewhere she understands, with Nick’s face or her own, fragmented to better show the angel that lives inside them, openings in the skin like bloodless wounds through which eyes and feathers and teeth peek through. Someone else might find them terrifying. Nick thinks her paintings of Lucifer are beautiful. Lucifer, of course, is flattered and amused. She watches Sarah paint, enthralled the same way Nick mentioned her being the day he built Teddy’s crib. She hasn’t asked for a turn at the brushes yet, but Sarah hopes she does one day, if only so they can see what she’s capable of creating.
Sarah stretches. There’s no satisfying pop to her spine as she uncurls from her art, but in exchange, there’s also no lingering soreness from staying in one position for too long. Lucifer’s grace pulses, buried somewhere deep, utterly content. Sarah shuts her eyes as though she could listen to her.
Instead, Sarah hears a cry from the other room. She lets her head tilt towards the clock on the wall. It’s been a while since she put Teddy down for a nap. Lucifer is on alert the moment the sound hits Sarah’s ears. She’s still not used to the simple fact that sometimes, babies cry, and it doesn’t mean the world is about to end. Impossible to fathom wings flex under Sarah’s skin. Sarah suppresses a chuckle into a small smile and sets her paintbrush down. It rolls to join its brethren of various sizes, the only commonality between them all the teethmarks at the tip where Sarah chewed when she got frustrated or distracted. Lucifer’s wings flap, a wave of power rolling through Sarah’s body that’s asking one question, whether they can fly to the nursery rather than take the minute long walk there. Sarah lets her consent echo back through Lucifer, bracing herself.
Flight is a cacophony. Flight is like learning what it is to be a photon and forgetting again as her body hits the ground, human toes curling against the fuzz of the nursery carpet. Lucifer recovers like they’ve taken a brisk walk up the stairs. Sarah needs a minute more, as though she’s been thrown under the waves at the beach and needs to figure out which direction is up in order to stand. In his crib, Teddy turns his head to look at them, brown eyes seeking his mother, and when he knows she’s there to hear him, he scrunches up his face and starts crying again.
It’s Lucifer that takes them the first few steps to the crib, but Sarah who reaches down and picks Teddy up.
“Hey, hey, fussy,” she says softly to him, “shh, we’re here now.” Teddy cries out one more time, like he’s making sure she’s not going to put him down and leave once he’s quiet. Sarah rocks him.
“We’re here,” comes another voice from her mouth, still hesitant but less than it has been in a few months. Lucifer raises Sarah’s hand to pet a line down Teddy’s forehead. There’s no more than the ambient hum of her grace beneath Sarah’s skin, but between being held by his mother and watched over by his guardian devil, (Sarah’s mouth curls at the thought, and she can’t tell if it’s her or Lucifer reacting.) he quiets. He keeps frowning, scrunched up eyes and a wrinkled forehead. “Hello, Theodore,” Lucifer says, and it’s at Sarah’s prodding that she finally says, “Teddy.”
He’s a baby, Sarah teases, no need to be so formal.
Names mean something, comes the quick counter.
And this one means you love him. Lucifer hums, finger still drifting in absent circles over Teddy’s face. Teddy latches onto it when it’s near his mouth, and Lucifer freezes. Sarah laughs, and with control of her body falling back to her, it comes out without a care in the world. Teddy makes a frustrated noise when she pulls her finger away.
“That’s better than you needing a diaper change,” Sarah tells him. Teddy babbles at her, sounds that are beginning to have more distinct shapes but mean nothing at all. She’s going to have to put him back down to undo her button-up, or would have to, only Lucifer proves for the hundredth time how much easier parenting is with divine power backing them up. Sarah shifts Teddy around in her arms, enduring the tiny beat of an impatient hand against her chest, until she has him comfortably settled to feed.
He seems so small in her arms. He’s growing fast and will continue to for years and years, a prospect both terrifying and exciting.
It’s a short enough walk to her and Nick’s bedroom from the nursery, and she’s careful not to jostle Teddy while he nurses. There, she can settle down comfortably against the pillows, the blankets tucking themselves up around her legs despite her not reaching for them. It doesn’t do much against the ever-present chill, but Sarah doesn’t want that to go away. Besides, they bundle Teddy up warmly enough.
She does wonder sometimes what it’ll be like as he gets older. If his first words will be ‘dada’ or ‘mama’ or something else entirely, a string of syllables that seem like gibberish to her and Nick but mimic the language that Lucifer sometimes speaks to him off-handedly, the one that makes Sarah’s ears feel like they might pop from pressure if she listens for too long, the one that Teddy reacts to with kicking feet and responsive babbling. If one day Sarah will get teachers telling her about Teddy’s imaginary angelic friend who raised him, both those impressed that he could come up with something so elaborate and those worried that the angel in question is Lucifer herself. Maybe the funniest thing Sarah can imagine is if Nick ever takes little Teddy to church and what kind of menace they might unleash with a child who loves the devil like a mother. That, if it ever happens, is a long ways off, and until then, Lucifer is still the secret held between the three of them.
“You think he’ll still like me,” Lucifer says, dipping her hand into the stream of Sarah’s thoughts, welcomed but nibbled at by the fish that think she really should have asked permission first. Maybe a little hypocritical when Sarah has already let her in, “when he grows up.”
There is, always, this expectation of rejection that lingers in Lucifer’s words. A surprise when she finds connection instead that breaks Sarah’s heart.
“You look after him. You sing to him. You feed him.” Sarah looks down at Teddy, who takes his fill and rests his tiny fist against her skin. This caretaking is a communal effort, after all. “Of course he’ll love you.”
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hxxsxxng · 5 months ago
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Do You Believe in Fate? s.jy
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「pairing」 : childhoodbestfriend!jake x afab!reader
「synopsis」 : read the preview here
「word count」 : 15.3k
「genre」 : A lot of angst, smut, somewhat fluff, college au
「warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!! cursing, lot of nicknames, mentions of alcohol, consumption of alcohol, hangover, poor mental state, kissing, cuddling, alcoholism, toxic friends (not jake), teasing, crying, begging, distress, groping (consentual), unprotected sex, pulling out, loss of virginity, lowkey size kink, oral (m and f recieving), titty sucking, sharing a bath tub, mentions of hospitalizations, implications of potential death, depression.
「authors note」 : i want to thank everyone for motivating me to finish this story and writing this was truly an experience that will effect me as a writer moving forward. i am tagging all of my mutuals so hopefully i could get some feed back! i love every last one of you
「taglist」 : @jakeflvrz - @simhinata - @eternality - @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby - @jakesangel - @yjwsgf - @diorsyun - @pockettwinzz - @emi-en - @en-ner-jay - @yeonzzzn - @hoonieesm - @hoonheepretty - @jaysupremacy - @cherry-park - @heeslomll - @alvojake - @taeghi - @dollyyun - @sumzysworld - @wonsbaer
It was the summer before me and Jake’s junior year of university. We have been working all summer and it’s another other day at the office. Putting in check information for the bank was a lot more boring than I expected .Wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. There was no time to do anything else. We were always told that if we went to college, we would have a good job. That proved to be wrong. 
Both Jake and I are going through college together, though he landed a way better paying job than I did. When it comes to bills, he ends up having to pay more than me, but he swears up and down that it is not a big deal.
I set down my mug. I hear my phone ring. It’s Jake. “Hello?” he should be at work. “Hey Pumpkin, I got out early today, were there any groceries that we needed?”
“I wasn’t expecting this, but no I can’t think of anything.”  “Okay, Stay safe, I will see you later.”
Jake never really got time off of work but when he did, I usually tried to stay out of his hair and let him relax. I just continued to run reports, pretty much twiddling my thumbs until the clock struck 5 and I would make my way out of this hell hole.
Traffic was terrible as usual. A usually 7 minute drive turned into an hour. Days like this I just want to get home and throw all my stuff on the ground and lock myself away in my room. Maybe watch some TV. Or listen to some music while my computer is hooked up to it. Anything that distracts from knowing I have to go back to the job I hate the next day. My thoughts are interrupted by a honk coming from behind me. The light turns green. Thank God. But as soon as I pull away from the curb, a car pulls out in front of me. Damn those stupid drivers. I don’t even know how many times this month I’ve had to pull over so they could let someone pass. It isn’t worth getting into a fight with them about. I try to ignore them.
I made it back to our house just in time for the sun to still be out. I made way into the house and Jake was in the kitchen. It was an unusual sight. His after work routine typically consists of cracking open a cold one and playing his computer. “Hey princess” he greeted me.
I stand at the front door, taking off my shoes and hanging my keys on the rack. “What has you in a good mood all of a sudden” I ask suspiciously.
“Well since I got off work early, I figured i’d come home and suprise you with dinner since you just been eating so much take out recently” he replied nonchalantly. The thought makes me sick. “You didn’t need to do that Jake.” “Oh yes, I did. You haven’t been cooking for yourself for a couple months now. I wanted to show you how much your best friend cares about you” he says.
Reguardless of what I say, the food is made and there is no taking it back. I guess I can’t really argue with him over it.
“And besides, I know you have missed your mom cooking pasta for us when we would go to her house in Australia, I figured I should make some do you instead” he adds.
I slowly approach the table. He is still finishing up plating everything. He looks up at me and smiles. “It smells good” I say flatly. He takes off the oven mitts and wipes his hands on it. He sets my plate down in front of me and he pulls out the chair to my right and takes a seat.
“So how was your day Jake?” I asked awkwardly. He starts digging in and responds, “Not too bad. What about yours?”
“Same shit different day. Boss is always yelling at me and the company keeps treating me like garbage even though I am the only one who actually gives a fuck.” I complained, eating a piece of garlic toast. It tasted good, surprisingly good, considering the amount of spices he used.
“Well I am glad it’s Friday so you can take some time to unwind over the weekend” he attempts to comfort me but at this point i’m too tired.
“I guess.” I poke at my food a little bit. Why does Jake’s job seem so perfect? he easily makes twice as what I make and I rarely hear him complain about working either.
“You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to, I am not going to force you.” I guess Jake noticed me being hesitant about eating the rest of my meal.
“It’s not that I don’t want to eat it’s just that I’m really stressed and I don’t want to keep you here listening to me complain about the same things over and over again”
“Look at me” he said. I slowly lift my head for my eyes to meet with his. “I promise I will never get tired of listening to you” he reassured.
There he goes again, sending those butterflies flapping in my stomach. I don’t understand why he is so gentle and compassionate. It gives me goosebumps. I decide I might as well stop procrastinating and start enjoying the evening. “Thank you” I say, giving him a small smile. His face immediately lit up. It’s kind of cute. The rest of dinner went rather smoothly. Jake kept the conversation going, mostly talking about my day and what his was about, and then we would drift off into silence. He looked so relaxed and calm that I felt completely at ease. Even if I knew I should feel bad for keeping him up with my whining, I couldn’t bring myself to.
I stand up from the table and wash my plate. “I don’t know if anyone told you today, but you look gorgeous as always” he sneaks up behind me. “You don’t look too bad your self Jake” I returned. My face was already a dark hue of red.
I decided maybe tonight I won’t rot away in my room. It’s a Friday night, I’ll have a little bit of fun. Still inside the house though. It is probably too cold outside anyway. I realize I am still in my work clothes. I return to my room to take them off and throw on my most comfortable pair of shorts and a talk top and take my Nintendo Switch to the living room.
Jake was already waiting there for me. He had a bottle of wine and 2 empty glasses. He looked up when I entered and smiled. I gave a shy smile and sat down next to him. He pulled me closer to him, pressing himself against me. Our legs intertwined under the couch. For a moment I forgot about the work situation and the world. In that moment it just felt nice to sit close to someone who cared for me unconditionally.
“What were you wanting to play?” he breaks the silence. “I was thinking we could play some Mario Kart” I suggested.
“Yeah we can, but you already know I’m gonna kick your ass”. He loves teasing me. I punched his shoulder and chuckled.
~~~~~~~~~~
He is in my bed. I just woke up and he is in my bed. I don’t know how to react. Maybe I drank a little too much? I really don’t remember anything after playing a few rounds of Mario Kart. He looks so peaceful. His dark brown hair all tangled up on the pillow. The way his biceps look in his black tank top. He doesn’t snore, but the way he breathes when he sleeps is very cute. There is a slight hint of stubble on his chin, almost like he hasn’t shaved in awhile. His lips are slightly parted. His face shows such contentment and relaxation. He looks so damn beautiful. I have to admit he is pretty attractive and I think he knows it. And I can’t help but wonder about what would happen if I leaned forward and kissed him. His soft lips pressed up against mine. I think it would be okay. Probably wouldn’t hurt. Scratch that, it would probably hurt a lot.
I woke up surprisingly early for a Saturday morning. Usually I am in bed until noon, but it’s only 9:30. Opposite of me, Jake likes to start his weekends bright and early, so it is a bit strange that he isn’t awake by now. I won’t bother him. It’s probably better this way. I roll over onto my side facing away from him. I close my eyes trying to fall back asleep. But it seems to be impossible. My mind is too preoccupied and Jake’s body is far too close to mine for my liking. I groan quietly. It doesn’t help at all.
I crawl out of bed, doing my best not to wake Jake up. As soon as I step out of the room, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. It’s my mom. I guess I hadn’t returned and of her texts last night. She asks if I have slept okay and if I’ve eaten breakfast. When she sees I haven’t. She sends me a picture of the last time I was at her house eating spaghetti. “Just eat something sweetheart and take care of yourself” she reminds me gently. I sigh deeply before replying. “Mhmm thanks mom” I set my phone down on the kitchen counter and rummage through the fridge, hoping to find something appetizing for breakfast. As I search, I can't stop thinking about waking up next to Jake this morning. We've been best friends for so long, but recently I've started seeing him in a new light. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, how considerate he is, it stirs up the feelings I've been trying to suppress. I shake my head slightly and settle on making some eggs and toast.
As I cook, memories of last night come flooding back. The wine, the laughter, the gentle way he pulled me close on the couch as we played games. My heart flutters just thinking about how natural and right it felt being cuddled up next to him. But I can't read too much into it. Jake is my oldest friend, he probably sees the intimacy as purely platonic. The sizzle of the eggs brings me back to reality. I quickly plate the food and grab a mug of coffee before heading to the living room. I'll just relax and enjoy this lazy Saturday morning.
I'm about halfway through my breakfast when I hear Jake's footsteps shuffling down the hallway. He emerges, hair sticking up adorably, letting out a big yawn. "Mornin' sunshine," he says with a sleepy grin. I feel my cheeks warm at the nickname. "Morning. I made some extra if you want it," I reply, nodding toward the kitchen. "You're the best." Jake passes over to dish up a plate, giving me a perfect view of his lean back muscles stretching against his thin t-shirt. I quickly avert my eyes as he returns to the couch. As he sits next to me, our arms brush and I feel that spark of electricity again.
Jake doesn't seem to notice, just digs into his eggs happily. We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he speaks up again.
"That was a fun night last night, wasn't it?" His eyes meet mine with a warm smile. "We'll have to do it again soon." I return the smile, hoping he can't see the longing behind it. "Yeah, it was really nice." Nice to just relax and be ourselves without any expectations or pressures. Nice to feel...that close to him.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
~~~~~~~~~~
Jake has a friend named Jay. When Jake isn’t at work or at the house, he is most likely hanging out with Jay. Jay is a go with the flow kind of guy and was kind of a womanizer. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I try not to hang out with Jake when Jay is there for that reason.
Jake and Jay always go out for drinks on Saturday nights. I can’t remember the last time he was home on a Saturday night and I didn’t have to take care of him the next morning. He routinely stays at Jay’s house that night then gets an Uber back here the next morning.
Jake and Jay's Saturday night routine carried on like clockwork most weekends. Around 9 PM, Jay would pick Jake up and they'd head to their usual bar downtown. The two friends would drink heavily, telling outrageous stories and shamelessly checking out any attractive women who passed by.
For Jake, it was just a guys' night out away from work stress. But for Jay, it was a chance to flirt and see if he could add another notch to his bedpost. Jake didn't partake in that behavior himself, but he also didn't reproach Jay for it. He figured it was just Jay's way.
Come last call, the two would be pretty sloshed. Instead of dealing with an Uber that late, Jake would just crash at Jay's place. He'd wake up hungover the next morning and request a ride from a car service back home.
When he arrived home disheveled, I'd already have water and painkillers ready for him. I hated having to nurse him after these nights, but it was better than having Jay's leering presence around me. His constant objectification of women made me deeply uncomfortable. So I put up with Jake's hangovers to avoid that part of their friendship dynamic.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
Jake opens the front door. I can hear him complaining about his headache already. He sets his keys down and immediately lays down in the couch.
"Hey babygirl, where is the aspirin? Do we have any aspirin left?" he asks groggily. A small chuckle escapes my lips before I turn around to look at him, smiling slightly. “I already got it out for you, and here is a glass of water”. His eyes are closed as I place the pills in his hand and he smiles once they make contact. “Thank you so much for taking care of me princess.” he praises as he shot the tablets into his mouth.
I giggle. This man is ridiculous. A loud yawn escapes his lips and I smile. As much as I hate seeing him like this, I am content with letting him have his fun every once in a while. His shirt is buttoned incorrectly, showing off his muscular chest. I look back at his face. His eyes were opened and he noticed me staring.
“What’s wrong Princess?” he slurs. “Do I look stupid or something?” “No Jake, you look great” I reply truthfully. “You just looked a little tired is all.”
Jake rolls over on the couch and turns onto his side. “I know you’re going to tell me I should rest more, but it’s so hard to sleep when you’re not in the same room.”
“Really? You usually fall asleep within seconds. Why is that?” He shrugs. “Don’t know babe. Just don’t like being alone.” I frown. That’s true enough. Jake never really liked being by himself. Ever since we were in diapers, he had always been surrounded by people. His parents, coworkers
me.
I decide to ask something rather personal instead. Maybe that will distract us for a while. “How’s your mom doing lately? Do you miss her?” Jake doesn’t respond right away. He starts fidgeting under my gaze. His hands begin picking at a loose thread on the couch cushion.
“Yeah, yeah. I miss her. I wish she wouldn’t be working so much now. She used to work less back when we were high school, you know? I still get worried sometimes” he answers with a slight edge in his voice. “It’s okay Jake. You know she likes working for your dad. It helps pay for everything” I remind him softly. He nods slowly. After a few moments, he finally breaks the silence.
“Why do you ask?” I guess he was caught off guard by the question. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen them, Australia isn’t in walking distance, ya know.” I try to cheer him up.
He sighs and looks down at the couch. “I guess I just wish I was able to spend more time with her like I did when I was younger. It doesn’t matter though.” He shakes his head dismissively. “She’ll come visit whenever she can. I’m just glad we both decided to live somewhere else for college. I would definitely have missed our family trips.”
“Oh
” I bite my lip unsure what to say to comfort him. He’s always taken his mother very seriously. Even when he was young he often complained that she worked too hard and stressed herself out, which only made him madder. In all fairness, she did work extremely hard—even harder than he ever could. And now that she has found some semblance of stability, he worries that he won’t be able to provide for her the lifestyle he wanted for her.
I reach out and pat Jake's arm reassuringly. "I know how much you miss your mom. But she's doing what she needs to in order to help take care of the bills and your dad. You know she'd be here if she could."
Jake nods slowly. "Yeah, you're right. I just wish there was more I could do from here, instead of feeling so helpless being so far away. I know my dad would want me there as well" He runs a hand through his tousled hair. "At least I have you around. Don't know what I'd do. You kinda of bring a feeling of home to me. I hope that made sense.”
I feel my cheeks flush a little at his words. "Well, you know I'll always be here for you," I reply, trying to keep my tone light.
“Thank you sweet heart.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Our parents went to University together. That’s how they met. My mom met Jake’s mom in a sociology class, and they have been best friends ever since. Being college bestfriend basically guarantees that your kid will have someone to grow up with, and they took advantage of that. He has litterally been there for every life event my mom felt was important enough to let him in on.
Though we didn’t become friends by choice, we were latched onto eachother ever since we were introduced. I remember I would ball my eyes out when even Jake got sick because it meant I couldn’t hang out with him after school or have play dates on the weekends. As we grew up, the situations weren’t as innocent. I would confide in him when I was upset, and he would hold me in his arms after my nightmares. I even found comfort in him after my numerous hearts breaks in highschool. Though none of my relationships were ever that serious, I was still unmistakably heartbroken.
Jake was never really a ladies man in highschool, or in general. He studied more on acedemics, which I guess was a good idea considering where he is now. Although I’d never said anything about it, his dating career was pretty dead for several years. In my opinion, it seemed unfair to Jake to not go on dates after highschool. While I understood why he wasn’t interested, it seemed a waste not to try. After all, I’m sure he could get any chick he wanted if he tried, I mean look at him. He had grown from a cute kid playing video games to one who had a perfect body and gorgeous features to match. So yeah, I loved that he was a boy and my friend. But there was no way I could give myself completely to such a man, especially with our history.
Jake is a lot different when I’m around, a lot more caring and loving. I’m reminded of all those times when I would find Jake crying when we came back from vacation during our sophomore year, or how he would suddenly appear at my room door at 5am looking for reassurance or help. At the time, I thought it was because he needed someone to talk to about the things troubling his mind, but now that I think about it , it’s kind of obvious he’s lonely. His dad has been in and out of the hospital recently. I don’t really want to push Jake into going into detail about his condition because it might make him emotional, but I just know that it is another thing that is weighing on him.
When I first started seeing him more and more recently, I thought maybe he wanted us to become closer friends. I mean, he was always talking about how much he adores spending time with me, and how grateful he is to me for saving him and bringing him back to life. I think the situation with his parents are weighing down on him more than I realize.
~~~~~~~~~~
The rhythmic tapping of rain against the window pane fills the hushed stillness of my bedroom. I lie awake, Jake's sleeping form curled up beside me, his head pillowed on my chest. His eyebrows are furrowed even in slumber, mouth turned down in a soft frown - the worry lines etched across his features never seem to fully fade these days. Gently, I brush some stray locks of hair off his forehead, my thumb tracing over the crease between his brows. Jake's been carrying the entire weight of his family's struggle on those broad shoulders.
A quiet sigh escapes his lips and he burrows deeper into my side, one arm slinging possessively over my waist. We've been a tangle of limbs like this more nights than not recently. After the latest bout of bad news about his dad, Jake sought me out like a man wandering through the desert in desperate need of water. I remember the rawness in his voice as he begged to stay in his room, to be held and comforted, the same way I always have. Whatever Jake needs from me, he'll never be turned away.
Trailing my fingers through Jake's hair, I allow myself to drink in every detail of him in this rare moment of peace. The slight upturn of his perfectly sloped nose. The way his plump lips are parted just enough to allow shallow puffs of breath to ghost across my skin. He really is beautiful in the most masculine, rugged way. Not that I'd ever say that out loud - it would be mortifying if Jake caught me ogling him like some lovesick fool. Then again, I've been a lovesick fool for the better part of a decade when it comes to him.
Lost in the flow of my thoughts, I don't even register the soft snuffling noises at first. It's only when Jake's eyelashes start fluttering that I glance down to find him blinking up at me groggily. Without a word, he shifts until his head is cradled in the crook of my neck, placing a slow, scorching kiss to the exposed skin of the side of my neck.
The world seems to screech to a halt. That...was definitely intentional. Purposefully intimate. There's no way it was an accident or a brief moment of sleep-hazy confusion. Not with the way Jake's pupils are blown wide, his lips parting to reveal the tip of his tongue darting out to wet them instinctively.
Just as quickly as the spark ignited, Jake seems to deflate, burying his face into the juncture of my neck and shoulder with a muffled whimper. His hands are fisting in the fabric of my sleep shirt, clutching me with a white-knuckled grip like I'm his lifeline back to the surface. Like if he doesn't hold on, he might drown. "Hey hey hey
" I gently stroke the length of his spine calming him. "You're okay now, everything is alright, relax..." Jake's breathing gradually slows. Gradually, he begins to relax, his fingers slackening their death grip in my shirt.
A few moments pass in silence before he lifts his head and looks directly at me. His eyes are slightly bloodshot, probably from all the crying. They’re red and glassy, a stark contrast to his usually flawless complexion. "Sorry," he murmurs. I shrug slightly. "Don't apologize." After a few sniffles, I feel his breathing become more consistent and his face is dry. He starts to do that cute breathing that I talked about. After I realized that he has met some sort of peace and fell asleep, I fell asleep soon after.
~~~~~~~~~~
The morning light filters in through the cracks of my blinds, shining over Jake's sleeping body in a soft glow. My eyes trace the line of his jawbone, the gentle rise and fall of his bare chest as he breathes. He looks so tranquil like this.
Jake smells so fucking good. If I could lay on his chest and take it his scent all day, I really would. Not to mention his face is extremely handsome. He has the face that other guys wish they had. It’s very obvious he takes care of himself.
I can't stop replaying that moment from last night over and over in my mind. The heat of Jake's lips pressing against the skin of my neck. Part of me was desperate to surge forward then and seal my mouth over Jake's, to finally give in to the magnetic pull that's been drawing me to him.
But I didn't. I couldn't. Because I'm also terrified of what exploring these feelings could mean for our relationship.
Losing him isn't an option I can fathom. And he seemed to make the same choice in that moment by turning away, burying his face against my neck with a whimper that could have been either anguished or relieved.
We're cowards, the two of us. Content to dance around the fire instead of being set ablaze
Part of me wonders if Jake was hoping for something in return. Maybe a kiss? Maybe he did it to show it trust and comfort for me. He knows what he is doing. The moment his lips touched my neck, my whole body shivered. I wanted more but I contained myself.
My body still hums with the memory of his kiss, nerves tingling with equal parts of dread. I want to reach out and trail my fingertips over the golden skin of his forearm, to breathe him in and see if he tastes how I've imagined on my tongue.
How many more moments like last night can I survive before the truth comes out? I don't have the answers. All I know is that I'm still undeniably his - body, mind and heart.
It has been too many nights where I imagine his lips against mine. The way he chills my spine when whispers in my ear makes me crave hearing his voice. I wonder what he would be like in a relationship with me, he treats me like a princess already, I don’t know how much better it could get.
My mind drifts to memories of him holding me tight when I was upset, his muscular arms engulfing me in a warm embrace. The feeling of safety and contentment that would wash over me in those moments. If I could experience that every night by his side, it might just be pure bliss.
I fantasize about waking up intertwined with Jake, our legs tangled together as we trade kisses and touches unhurried by the outside world. Combing my fingers through his bed hair while he peppers light kisses along my jawline.
Maybe there could be slowmake-out sessions on the couch, all heated caresses and desperate roaming hands before things inevitably progress further. I would lavish every sculpted line of Jake's body with devoted attention. I imagine he would be an attentive, generous lover, just as giving in the bedroom as he is in every other aspect of his life.
I also can’t get over the mental hurdle that maybe it is kind of gross that I see my bestfriend this way. I could easily mistake all of the kind things he does and how he treats me as something more than what he intends it to be, and that would make me uneasy. I have never done anything sexual with him and anything that would imply sexual attraction, yet I am still here wondering what it is like to have sex with him.
~~~~~~~~~~
I really need to get my feelings sorted out soon because they are just going to keep building up until they eventually burst, and I really don’t want Jake to witness that.The week went the same again. and again. and again. Wake up, go to work, do nothing after. But recently, Jake got a promotion at his job, which was grounds for celebration.
The local diner is busy with the lunch crowd, the air thick with aromas of burgers sizzling on the griddle and fresh baked pie. Jake and I slip into our usual corner booth, the cracked vinyl cushions molding to our forms like old friends. This place has been our go to spot since we started university here. We've shared so many moments in this very booth over the years. Happy celebrations or acing a big exam.
Which is why the thick tension clouding the air between us right now feels so alien. Instead of our usual easy camaraderie, I can barely look at Jake without my pulse kicking up. The memory of his firm chest brushing mine, those plush lips just a table length away, has my skin flushing hot. I squeeze my thighs together secretly, desperate for any kind of friction to alleviate the slow burn of arousal low in my belly.
Just being this close to Jake is enough to have that want unfolding all over again. Filling my head with flashes of how it could feel to finally give in - his weight blanketing me, our bodies moving together in a sinuous rhythm as his mouth trails searing kisses along my neck. "Hey." Jake's low rumble jolts me out of the vivid fantasy.
"You're zoning out, sweetheart. Everything okay?" My cheeks flame darker, that suddenly seems too intimate. I duck my head, but not before catching the unmistakable smirk curling at the corners of Jake's lips. That insufferable, cocky smirk he knows drives me crazy. I want to kiss it off his stupidly perfect face. Or maybe bite at the sharp line of his jaw, put that arrogant look to better use while I'm straddling his lap and--
"Fine," I mumble, hooking a loose strand of hair behind my ear to avoid meeting Jake's eyes. The small movement causes our elbows to brush together on the tabletop. His skin is so soft. Jake's brow furrows, like he doesn't miss the way I've gone tense and flustered all over again. Before I can blink, his hand is covering mine. Those long fingers tenderly stroking along my knuckles, smoothing over my suddenly clammy skin.
Slowly, purposefully, Jake tugs my hand closer until my palm is cupping his scruffy jaw. I suck in a sharp, shaky breath at the contact, at being able to feel the rasp of his five o'clock shadow against my sensitive skin. Jake holds me there for a moment, those meltingly warm eyes boring into mine like he's trying to read my mind.
Then, in the most tempting act of torture imaginable, Jake presses his lips to my wrist in the barest brush of mouth against pulse point. I swear I could die right then and there. He slowly pulls away, looking up to meet my eyes once again. Our gaze meets, intense and lustful, filled with a hunger that only he knows how to create. This feels so wrong, so dangerous. The fact he's staring down at my lips, licking his subconsciously causes a slight hitch in my breathing. A tiny part of me wants to lean forward and press my lips to his. But I stop the impulse with the thought of what we did last night, and the consequences of getting caught again.
Instead, I let out a sigh and break eye contact before pulling my hand away and placing my elbow on the table. I rub my thumb across my wrist absentmindedly while avoiding Jake's gaze, the words I want to say stuck somewhere inside my throat like rocks. There isn't anything I can do. What I have with Jake is different now. I'm scared shitless to tell him how I truly feel.
"What's wrong? Are you alright?" Jake asks, worry laced into his tone. He places a hand on my thigh, making me jump slightly. “It’s nothing, really” I lied. The server comes over to the table to take our order. “What could I get started for you to drink” he says.
-
Our meal goes by normally, Jake pretending that he had done nothing earlier. Afterward, we head home, the silence thickening the further into town we get. There’s nothing for me to say, no reason to prolong this conversation I’m dreading anymore. He must sense my sudden change of mood. He drops his arm from around my shoulders and lets his hand fall limply back onto his knee.
We walk silently in the direction of our house. Neither of us speaking. It’s almost as if we’re both waiting for the other to make the first move. I have an overwhelming urge to turn to him and kiss him.
~~~~~~~~~~
I can’t stop thinking about Jake. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Over the past few weeks, I feel like he has become a lot more touchy, which don’t really mind. He smiles for a little longer when we eat together. We have slept in each others room a lot more often than before. I may just be over analyzing it.
Jake is going out with Jay again. As usual, I don’t plan on him coming home tonight, and I will wake up to a hungover Jake. Jay isn’t really the friend to take care of you when you feel ill, so that responsibility is left on me.
I hate to admit, but when Jake isn’t home for a night, I fight the urge to sleep in his bed. I have been sleeping in his bed with him so often that it leaves me in withdrawal when we aren’t in the same bed.
Just being in his room, his scent diffused in the air, it makes me miss him so much more. Even without thinking about the fact that it is his room, the bed is so much more comfortable than mine, which is all the better reason to sleep there.
I walk in, already in my shorts and t-shirt, and wonder around. He has the picture of us that his mom took when we were first leaving for Korea framed on his nightstand.
I pick it up and examine it closely. It is the one photo where we didn’t appear stiff. I remember the day clearly; I was standing with him, grinning broadly. I never expected to smile so much when I was young, but my memories of our trip leave a bright happy feeling inside my stomach.
I set the photo back down and I lift the blanket from the corner of the bed. I slide into the bed, laying on his side like I usually do when he isn’t here. I instantly melt into the sheets. I scroll on my phone whilst fighting my eyelids to stay awake, but eventually I fall asleep prematurely.
Jake usually keeps his room pretty cool, which calls for cuddling closely under the blankets. In the middle of my sleep, I am shot awake when my cold limbs are instantly warmed by an unexpected sensation. Why was Jake home?
Jake continues to get comfortable under the blanket, not even batting an eye at the fact that I was just sleeping in his bed. I pull him closer by his waist to fulfill the rest of the warmth that my body craves.
“Why are you shivering sweetheart, you could have turned on the heater.” he worries.
“I wanted the temperature to be tolerable when you got back in the morning” such a stupid explanation. “Speaking of, why are you here right now? what happened to Jay’s?” I questioned, completely forgetting how we got into this situation in the first place.
“Jay was feeling ill so we called it a night pretty early, I only got three shots down.”
Jake runs a lazy finger over my hip bone and leans in to nuzzle the crook of my neck. Shit. He’ll notice the way I react to his touches and I won’t be able to explain myself. Fuck.
“I thought I would come to my room and catch up on sleep but look what we have here instead” he says with that stupid smirk on his face.
“Oh- oh I’m sorry.” I slowly pull away from him to make way back to my room. “No babe, please don’t go, I want you to stay” he begs while keeping our fingers latched to keep our extended arms together. He then latched his hand around my wrist to slowly pull me back down to his level on the bed. It’s all happening too fast. He uses the same hand to comb his fingers through the strands at the bottom of my hair on the back of my head, and keeps his hand there entangled. He uses his hand to guide my head into a sensual kiss. He gently pressed his lips against mine. So plump, so dreamy. I reciprocated the kiss instantly, matching his pace and moving our lips in sync so perfectly. The way our lips intertwined so naturally gave me actual chills.
After giving me what I have dreamt about for years, he pulls away, leaving a string of saliva to connect our lips. He looks into my eyes, his pupils as voids. “Please stay” he whispers again. I nod dumbly, my brain still short circuiting as Jake bites is bottom lip. He’s so fucking beautiful, my eyes are practically burning holes into his lips.
His fingers gently run over my cheekbone, lingering on my jawline, tracing along my nose. “How did I ever deserve someone as beautiful as you?” he murmurs. His voice is full of admiration and love and affection. He trails his fingers along my jaw, pausing to lightly graze my collar bone, making goosebumps erupt across my skin. The heat radiating off Jake’s body is practically burning me alive.
Without thinking about it for a second longer, I close the gap between our lips again. We moved in sync, in harmony. It feels like my lips were only made to kiss his. He rests his free hand on the side of my face and uses it as grip to deepen the kiss. Kissing him I had a sense of saftey. The longer our lips were together, the more open I was to his attempts at adding tongue into the mixture. It was a sloppy wet mess, but is all I have ever wanted.
I slide my hand between out warm bodies and feel across his obvious bulge in his boxers. He instantly let out a groan when I took his imprint into my palm. I stroked it gently as we continued with intertwined tongues. His grunts and breathlessness was insanely arousing.
It was clear that we were both extremely sleepy. After a few more minutes of kissing, we eventually pulled away, with no words spoken.
I try my best to hold in my moans as the warmness travels up my body like lava. He stops tracing my collarbone to trail his hands up the side of my body, stopping to stroke a line of soft kisses along the side of my neck.
My hands grasp tightly at the material covering Jake’s shoulder blades and I use that leverage to get back under the blankets with him. We both face eachother, with our legs crossing randomly over one another. He once again rests his head in the crook of my neck, leaving a kiss like he did once before. Only this time, I know his true intention.
~~~~~~~~~
The fall semester is starting back up again. Junior year, both is our schedules are jammed packed with upper division classes. Having to balance so many classes and still having to work to keep up with the bills for the house, Jake and I hardly see each other. Even though I love spending every single day with him, I feel like I’m living with a ghost whenever I see his empty seat. When I wake up every morning to find him gone, my heart starts to ache. It hurts knowing that we might not spend as much time together. I know that the sooner that this semester ends, the easier everything will be.
The end of the semester wasn’t going to be soon though, it’s barely September. I’ve decided to try and set a study date with Jake and make sure nothing was overlapping the times. We eventually agreed apon Thursday night after he got off of his afternoon job. Maybe around 8 o’clock. I was getting a head start on my Statistics work before he showed up because I knew it would take me a while. He eventually showed up close to 8:30.
I had my headphone covering my ears, shoulders slumped over my desk, and he comes up behind me and take my shoulders in his hands and sensually massages. “Ah thank youuuu~~~ my muscles are tight” I jumped at the unexpected pressure. He drives his thumbs a little bit deeper into my blades and slides his straight arms down my stomach for a hug. “I missed you” he griped with puppy dog eyes, resting his head on my shoulder. I take off my headphone and hold both of his forearms and pull him deeper into this awkwardly positioned hug.
After a few seconds he pulls away and grabs out his bag with his laptop, and runs to his room to grab his chair to pull up next to mine. I was still seated, watching, unable to take my eyes off him. He settles himself and puts the laptop on his knees in front of him. He opens his notebook, and turns the page to the worksheet for this month. My fingers naturally find their way to his back and scratch gently while he looks over his work. They made their way up his clothed back and into his hair and I ran them through this tangled hair. He let out a sigh of fufillment and he allows himself self to close his eyes to fully take in the relaxing feeling. He breaths in deeply and slowly, taking in my coconut scent.
“Fuck it” he says under his breath.
He turns in my directed and crashed his lips into mine with no hesitation. He wraps his arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. I was startled at the quick change in plans but my lips soon melted into his and I was under his control. My tongue dances along his bottom lip, asking for entrance as he obliges and gives access. He lifts me from my chair and pulls me over to straddle his thighs.
He guides his lips to mine again, running his hands down my back as he pushes me lower into his lap. I wrap my legs slightly around his waist for some sense of support. The sensual make out and lap straddling goes on and on, until he breaks away slightly to speak, “You can move if you want sweetheart”.
He reconnects our lips and I find myself needing any sort of friction to ease the pressure building between my legs. Subconsciously grinding my core over his thigh slowly. I bite down on his lower lip causing him to suck on my tongue immediately as a response. God, he tastes so good, like the cocoa butter lip balm I got him for his birthday.
I continue grinding over his thighs picking up the aggressiveness, as he continues to run his hands through my hair. “Feeling desperate, darling?” he teases, smirking as he tries to pull me back into a kiss. “Shut up” I harden my fist and hit the front of his shoulder. He always finds a way to tease me. He chuckles as we connect our lips once again.
He slides both of his hands under my thighs stands up from his chair, and I wrap my legs around his body as he carries me to the bed. He slowly lays me down on my back with my legs still wrapped around his waist. He doesn’t break the kiss but as soon as he sets me down, I can feel his erection bulging through his pants rubbing against me sweet spot. We stop kissing momentarily as he looks at me, with lust filled eyes. He lets one of his hands rest on my chest, while the other traces along the side of my neck to my chin, tilting my head upward and pressing his forehead against mine. “Look at how gorgeous you are right now,” he says with pure adoration. “I can’t help myself when I’m with you.” A sudden surge of desire hits me and my hands grip his hips tighter as he starts to trail kisses on my jawline. I can feel an undeniable wetness spreading in my panties. I am becoming desperate.
I placed my hands at the bottom of his shirt and began lifting it up, but he finished the job and lifted it over his head and threw it to the side. I have seen Jake shirtless a million times over but this time is different. It feels more intimate than the last ones I have seen. I felt my throat tighten as my eyes were drawn to his chest which looked absolutely flawless. “So beautiful” I whisper and I trace my fingers over his abs and chest. His body looks perfectly carved and sculpted by a god. “It’s all for you, baby” he cooed.
I reach my arms around his back and gently dig my nails into his skin as he continues to kiss me. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and pulls it over my head, revealing my breasts. I wasn’t wearing a bra since I had been home all afternoon, and I definitely wasn’t expecting this. As soon as he sees them, he takes one of them in his hand. He holds my right breast in his palm and gently rubs it between his thumb and index finger.
His gaze remains focused on my chest as his mouth begins to travel down, taking his time to enjoy each and every piece of my body. He stops to give me another kiss before placing his lips on my nipple. He sucks on my nipple whilst his teeth nipped at my flesh, causing me to moan lowly. I grabbed his hair pulling him closer to me. I grind my pelvis onto his dick, eliciting a groan and he removes his mouth, making a ‘pop’ sound, to look at his next target intensely. He took my other breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around my nipple and softly sucking, making me arch my back and having a moan escape my lips. Jake trails his hands down my waist while keeping his mouth latched to me.
His fingers went into the top of my sweatpants and I stopped him. “I have never done this before” I admitted. “Do you want me to stop?” he questions. How could I ever want him to stop? He is the only person I have ever imagined losing my virginity to. That aside I simply answer “No, Jakey, I trust you”
He continues to pull me pants down and off my legs and throws it to the side like he did with the other articles of clothing. He licks up my neck and comes to my ear. “I have never done this either, we can learn together” he whispered. Hearing this made my noticibly more wet, the way he whispers into my ear raises every single hair on my body. The thought of us having our first times with each other made this whole so much more meaningful and made me a lot less hesitant.
The only thing I have left on are my black panties and Jake looks like he is a man with a mission. I grab his bulge through his jeans and gently massage. He becomes a groaning mess as I palm his desperate tip. He is barely even able to keep his lips a decent distance apart for me to kiss him. “Fuuuck your hand feels so good” I take my other hand to start unbuckling his jeans, which he seems to have no problem with.
I pulled the belt off and unbuttoned his jeans and pulls them down, to where he took them all the way off. All he has left is his boxers. I can clearly see the imprint of he large cock through the thin fabric. I furrowed my eyebrows. “Does it look too big?, we can stop now if we need to” he questioned, seeing the fear on my face. I gulped and said “No, I can take it.”
I continued stroking through his boxers and he moved my panties to the side and rubbed gently on my folds. I gasped at the feeling. The better it started to feel, the less and less I was able to focus on Jake and more on myself. He had me wrapped around his finger. No amount of masturbating could compare to the way he is making me feel within these few minutes.
He slid his fingers down my clit and inserted one. He pumped it in and out until I felt that I was ready for more. Then 2. It hurt a little more but I slowly got used to it. He leaned his head down while his fingers still stuffed me and started leaving kisses on my clit. For having so little experience, he worked his finger and tongue like a professional. The way his tongue danced across my sensitive bud made my body shutter, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“I love the sounds of your whimpers” he moaned against my clit teasing me. I couldn’t even respond. My breathing quickened, and the more his fingers fucked me, the more I could tell how wet I was getting. I whimpered again and I gripped his hair signaling how good he was making me feel. “It tastes just as sweet as I imagined” he praised. He has imagined this before? What else has he imagined?
His fingers slowed down and he slipped two inside of me simultaneously. My hips bucked up and I let out a small gasp, my nails digging into his shoulders. He continued working his fingers inside of me. He was eating like a man who hadn’t seen a meal in a week.
“I want to taste you now.” I protest, pulling his face up for a kiss. His eyes look like he is drunk as his tongue swirled with mine and he gave me a slow deep kiss. He sucked on my bottom lip, then bit me, and finally opened his mouth and licked my tongue with his. He pulls away and allows me to pull his boxers past his hips and onto the ground. His dick sprung out. God, it was a lot thicker than I imagined.
I take the base of it and put my lips against the tip, swirling my tongue around. His muscular hand combs through the top of my hair and gently grips it as I begin to take more of his length in my mouth. I could feel it sliding smoothly in and out of my throat. His grip on my hair tightens and he guides me to take more in moderation. “God yes baby, that’s it” he encouraged. I looked up at him, the room filled with breathy moans and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. I felt the waves of his voice vibrating through my lips as he spoke, causing goosebumps to erupt across my entire body. I could feel my juices flowing through my pussy and down my belly.
I continue sucking him until he is almost completely buried inside my mouth. He leans down placing his lips beside my ear. “I don’t think I can hold out much longer” he whispers, making me smile.
He slowly pulls himself out of my mouth and lifts me back onto the bed. I use my arms to cover my chest, I am a little nervous. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead. “Don’t hide yourself, you look perfect darling” he said proceeding to take my tongue in his mouth. God this man loves using his tongue. I have never felt this type of intimacy before, and to think I am covering that ground with my bestfriend, was not how I thought it was going to go to say the least.
He brushes his tip in between my folds, spreading my wetness around. “Are you sure you want to keep going? We can stop here, just say the words and I will stop” “Please keep going” I am practically begging. He seems to enjoy my obvious desperation. He guide the tip in slowly, trying not to overwhelm me. He goes in a little deeper. I wince in pain. “Ah baby go a little slower” I pleaded. I didn’t want him to stop but it was definitely starting to hurt. He held the same spot for a few more seconds, then slowly pushed more in. I have gotten used to the stinging, as it slowly turns to pleasure.
“Shit princess, you’re so fucking tight” Jake praises. He was getting lost in his own world since he has never felt a warm pussy wrapped aroung his dick before, especially not one like mine. I felt his tip hit the enterance of my cervix. He bottomed out. He didn’t move. He didn’t even want to move, he was just enjoying the moment of his cock being buried deep inside his bestfriend. “You ok babe?” he asked, concerned by the lack of movement from me. “Yeah, just give me a second” I replied, attempting to get myself under control.
I began to relax, letting the warmth envelop my entire body. I signal that his is able to move. He slowly pulls his cock out of my cunt, and immediately pushes it back in. He rests both of his arms next to my face and comes down to kiss me. I can see the faint beads of sweat forming on his forehead. “You do not know how long I have been wanting to do this” He whispered into my ear. Once again, Jakes words send a tingle down my spine. He instantly latched himself onto my neck, sucking harshly while still keeping a slow pace down below. I grip his brown head of hair as he leaves purple marks on my skin, bruising my neck. He pulls out and goes back in, this time at a consistent rate.
Our torsos are in complete contact and he sets both of his hands under my back. I wrap my legs around his waist to allow him deeper access, which he so desperately needed. His lips were locked with mine. Our tongues were dancing along with each other as well as our chests. Every time he would suck on my lower lip, I moan against his lips.
“This is what I have been dreaming about” He says breaking away and kissing my nose. He finds me comfortable with his picking up the pace, and he did with no hesitation. He nuzzles into my neck with his hair partially resting on my face. There was no pain left to feel and my whole body was washed over with pleasure. His length fit so perfectly into my warm cunt, like we were make to only fuck eachother.
Jake head still right next to mine, I turn my head and whisper “Jakey, it feels so gooood~~~~” with inconsistency in my breathing. Jake’s ears were pleasured as if he were listening to his favorite song. He slowed down the pace, only to drive his dick deeper into my swollen cunt with each thrust. “Oh my god it’s feels so fucking good, you taking my cock like this.” he whines in my ear. He pulls away from my neck and just watching himself fuck into my pussy.
There was so much sweat on his face it was so fucking hot. It was dripping off his chin and onto my shoulder and neck. His hair was starting to get wet. He took both of my legs over his shoulders, making sure to maintain eye contact. Each stroke was deeper and deeper. Faster and faster. He was getting desperate. I don’t know how much more my inexperienced pussy can handle. He takes his thumb and gently rubs my clit. Ugh, I have never felt this sort of sensation before, being fucked at the same time.
My moans became more uncontrollable and my legs started to close in. “Fuckkkkk Jakey I am about to cum” I am on the verge of tears, overstimulated with pleasure. The pressure on my clit mixed with the repeated abuse of my cervix was enough to drive me over the edge. “Mmmmm yes doll, cum on my cock” he says lowly. My walls tighten around him and my hips are shaking. My heart is beating at 1000bpm, not a coherent thought left in my fucked-dumb mind. He practically has to pry my legs apart to maintain access to my slit. He holds my hips in place as he gives me a few more strokes. His became less and less powerful.
Once he felt his orgasm coming, he quickly pulled out of me, letting out a loud groan, and shot his strings of white cum all over my tummy and chest. The room was filled with loud pants and the scent of sex. “You are all I have ever wanted” I reach up to tuck his hair behind his ear, not minding the fact that his face was soaked. We rest our foreheads together and rub our noses across each other as we both try to catch our breath.
After a second of recovery, He runs to the bathroom and grabs a rag to clean me up. I could barely move my body, my entire entity was more than sore. It hurt to move, all I could do is lay there. Jake returns with a cold washcloth, and starts wiping off my stomach. “Do you need help getting cleaned up babe?” he asks, sitting down beside me, his arm around my naked torso. “Could we take a bath together?” I suggested.
A bath together after the fact is far more intimate, and could give us some time to talk things over. “Of course” and smiles. “I can go get it set up right now, darling, you just rest for a few minutes” He gives me a kiss on the nose and forehead before heading to run the faucet.
~~~~~~~~~~
I don’t know how I could let this happen. I lay on my bed rerunning all of the events writhing the last hour in my head. I really don’t know why we both allowed it to go that far. I admit, I loved every second of it, but now that it’s over, we have to deal with the effects.
Jake comes back from running the faucet. He looks tired. Maybe a bath is something we both need. “Come here sweetheart” he brings a towel and sets it on the counter.
The bathroom mirror was completely fogged over. “Are you trying to make soup out of us?” I said jokingly. “I know you like taking your showers hot, so I thought maybe it would be the same for baths” he chuckled.
I dip my toes into the half full tub. Jake was right, the temperature was just how I liked it. I held onto his shoulder as I submerge my other foot. The water lapped over the rim of the bath tub.
I keep hold onto his hand so he can guide himself into the tub, taking a lot more balance and tolerance for him to try to get used to the boiling water. “God damn, you like it hot hot” he teases though I can see him furrowing his eyebrows at the heat.
“Oh don’t be such a baby” I tease him right back. He pouts playfully. I love seeing that kind of reaction from him. “I don’t mind” he mumbles in embarrassment, trying to hide the smile on his face.
Once his feet were able to get used to the water, we both slowly sat the rest of our bodies into the tub. Jakes hair is a mess, it’s going in all different directions. I reach out to tuck some of it behind his ears for him, and then cup his face in my palm. I stroke his cheek with my thumb. He tilts his head, there he goes with those irresistible puppy dog eyes again.
“What’s wrong baby?” he asks. I remain in eye contact with him. “Were you being serious? When you said you have dreamt about
 that
?”
He’s silent. So much blood rushing to his face his cheeks are like strawberries. He scratched the back of his head. “I mean yeah
 why wouldn’t I” he hesitated.
“I mean look at you, you are insanely attractive and we live together and have known each other forever. Of course my mind is going to wonder. It has wondered many more times than I would like to admit.” he explained himself.
Unintentionally, our bodies kept inching towards each other in that bath. I am some how a mere 6 inches away from his face. “Why haven’t you ever told me how you felt?”
“Because I was scared on how it would change our friendship”
. he had the exact same fear as I did. He was also afraid of losing one of his best friends. “If I tell you how I feel, you might think it’s weird or something” he whispers into my ear. “No I will understand, we have known each other our whole lives. How would it be weird?” I say softly.
He hesitates once again, and I can hear his heart start to pound. He closes the gap between us and rests his forehead on mine. “There is so much you don’t know” He breathes, still looking deep into my eyes. His words caused a flicker of anxiety inside of me. “There is so much I want to know about you, darling” I reassure.
“Well for starters I never thought this thing between us would become anything more than just friends” he confesses. It is hard for him to admit such things, but he has to show me that I matter more than he thinks. “It scares me, and I’m sorry that I let it go too far. I guess it’s because I’ve been waiting so long, and everything has changed so fast” he explained, he still had this worried look on his face like I were going to shut everything down. Everything had changed so fast.
“You have to stop worrying so much about me. You can trust me, okay? I’ll never judge or hate you or think any differently of you. All I want is for us to enjoy our first time together and enjoy each other. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you are to me”. I caress his face with my hands.
A small smile graces his features while he gazes back into my eyes. I lean forward and capture him in a long passionate kiss. Our lips moving in sync, tasting each others taste as if it was our first time doing it. We pull away and stare at each other. He places both of his palms on either side of my face, leaning in even closer. I place my lips in line with his.
My fingers run through his soaked hair, though I don’t know if it use from sweat or from water. “Jakey, if I am going to be honest, I have been feeling the same way. On nights where we don’t sleep in the same bed, I find myself getting less sleep and craving your warmth. I don’t regret anything that’s happened between us tonight. Admittedly, I have been wanting to do that with you for so long” I started ranting.
“When you were making love to me I felt like I was floating away and it felt so good I just wanted to stay here forever, like nothing else mattered. There wasn’t anything I wanted more than to stay in this moment forever with you, but we both know that isn’t possible.” he continues, his voice cracking.
“Making love?” I chuckle. Such an interesting word choice. “Be quiet” he pushes back. “I’m just joking, but I agree”
He was clearly getting tired, letting out a yawn and fighting the force of his eyelids trying to close. “We should get to bed” I suggest. We soak the last few moments of the now comfortably hot water and get out of the tub. “You better not get water all over the floor, Jake” HE ALWAYS DOES THAT.
He grabs a towel for me and and one for himself and he wraps mine around my whole body width and pulls me for a hug. “I am glad we took a bath together sweetheart, try to get some rest” he whispers, and leaves an innocent kiss on my forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next few weeks consisted of school, work, and sleeping in the same bed with Jake pretty much every single night. We would exchange passionate kisses and I would bathe him when he was too tired from work or hanging out with Jay. And he would do the same for me. We never went as far to have sex again. We weren’t scared but we felt like we should wait.
We are on our way back to Australia for fall break. Jake will finally get to see his parents and I will get to see mine. We get to have a whole week without having to worry about responsibilities. Which I know both of us desperately need. We touch down in Australia around maybe 3pm on the first Saturday of the break. We only brought carry on luggage for convenience and time.
“Have everything?” He questioned me as we were getting out of our seats. “I think so” I smile, so excited to see my parents. We arranged for Jake’s mom to pick us up from the airport. She had a large SUV able to fit all of our stuff comfortably. Once we passed through all of the security and customs, Jake calls her to see where she is parked. On speaker I hear her say “9 rows down from the south enterance” she explains. “Thanks mom, see you in a sec” Jake says about to hang up the phone. “Thank you Mrs Sim” I make sure she hears before he presses the red button.
We hurry to get out of the packed airport so meet up with his mom. The weather was cold and misty and it was hard to see. When we finally arrived outside the south enterance, we could hardly believe what we saw. Layla comes up running at full sprint in me and Jake’s direction. She jumped up onto bother of us, layering our faces and arms with slobbery licks and he tail wagging so hard it may as well had fallen off.
Once Layla was all calmed down we put our luggage into the trunk. We swing up the door and the vehicle seems oddly empty. “Where is dad?” Jake questioned his mom. “He is getting worse
. he wasn’t able to make it today, I had to take him back to the hospital last night” she explained. I could already see the heart break in his eyes. “Oh” We packed everything up and his mom offered for me to sit in the front seat. Honestly, I wanted to sit in the back seat and comfort Jake, so I made up the excuse that Layla should sit in the front.
The mood in the car ride home was off. I don’t know if it was from the weather or his fathers health but Jake was not as energetic as he was before. I know he doesn’t deserve everything happening to his dad so I will just try to support him through it.
~~~~~~~~~~
I never really gave it much thought, but the more I put the pieces together, I think maybe the reason Jake is so insistent on getting black out drunk with Jay on the weekends may have to do with his father.
Jake has never in his life had a healthy coping mechanism. I remember a lot through out grade school, he would feel guilty or take blame for things that were not his fault, just to mediate the situation. When he did this, he did not react to the discipline very well, but it seems like he would much rather face conveniences than to start an argument over the original problem.
Jake let a lot of people take advantage of him, and it is still something that we have to work on, but knowing the situation with his dad, I know he has a lot more things to worry about now that usual.
Many of the people excluding his parents are alcoholics, any family event we went to together, the main thing being passed around was a bottle. When we were younger, things made him build resentment towards them but the older we got, the more willing he was to try alcohol, only adding more and more each time until he is where he is at now.
Jay isn’t the type of friend to stop this behavior either. I will never understand why Jake is such good friends with him cause he never seems to have the best intentions or good interest in mind. I can’t be the one to tell him that they should stop being friends cause at the end of the day, Jake’s relationship with alcohol won’t be healed in a split second.
~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing really eventful happened over the span of the after noon, the rain put everything to a halt. I slept in the guest bed in Jake’s house for the first night but was unable to fall asleep for the majority of the night. Jake’s mom rushed into the room around 1:30 am.
“Hey are you awake? We have to go the hospital, it’s my husband. Please wake up Jake while I grab the keys” She said with an extremely shaken voice full of urgency. I shoot out of the bed and put my shorts back on and practically run down the hallway to Jake’s room. It is locked. I bang on the door frantically. “Jake! Jake get up now we have to go” I echo through the door. Quickly after he swings open his door with his shirt in his hand, in the middle of putting it on.
The SUV was already started when we got out the front door and we ran to get into the car and soon as we sat down she reversed and tried to explain. “He slipped into a coma. They said they are trying everything to get him to wake up but they have no idea why it happened because he was in decent shape before” she says with tears forming in her eyes.
I reach up to the front seat to scratch her shoulder to try and calm her. I don’t think there is anything someone can do in this situation to calm someone in this much distress down but I tried. She is going dangerously fast down the highway. I know that she has been working hard to keep them afloat and thing we’re starting to get better. After that I couldn’t stand to listen anymore and closed my eyes hoping that by some miracle she wouldn’t end up killing us.
After what seemed like hours we reached the hospital and were quickly taken to another private room where we could talk with him alone. Of course his dad wasn’t going to be able to say anything. But Jake still wanted him to listen. He took his fathers hand a caressed his palm with his fingers while he said what he needed to say. Once he was done, I gave Jake a hug as his red face were completely covered in tears.
“He will be okay, I promise” I reassured him. We walked out of the room to discover his mom sitting next to the window, face completely void of emotion. He hasn’t spoken a word since we have gotten here.
“You know
. he was really excited for you both to come back. He was practically counting down the days” she admitted, wiping a tear from here eye. “I was so excited with him” she added. Her words shatter my heart. How is she not screaming in anger right now. Angry at the world for doing this to her innocent husband. That was something I admired about her. She was always able to contain her emotions well, almost too well.
Seeing both her and Jake in this state was absolutely terrible. I knew it would only take a miracle to fix this given his dads condition. “It’ll all be okay, Jake, don’t cry” I assure him. “It won’t, how am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to go back to school without seeing him, talking to him
 it hurts” “There is still a chance that he will make it Jake, don’t give up on it. I know he wants you to wait for him”
He couldn’t say anything, all he could do was bury his face into my shoulder and sob. He tried to form words, but they were only choked noises which caused him to cry even harder. “Shh its okay, I am here” I assure him. Me, Jake and his mom spent the night in the hospital. His mom slept in the room with his dad and me and Jake slept in a guest waiting room. Well, I was the only one who was able to get some sleep. Jake was up all night worrying about his father. I could hear him crying as I were trying to fall asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks had passed and his fathers condition remained the same, and to be honest, Jake and his mom seemed like they kind of accepted that this was the way that things were going to be.
We were back at the house, his mom would just go to work and lock herself in her room until she had to go to work again and Jake and I were preparing to go back to Korea for the Winter semester.
Mrs Sim did not want to see us leave, and she made it very clear. We were her last hope with everything going on with her husband. I really wish me and Jake could stay back to support her but we have jobs and bills that we have to get back to, and life can’t just pause for us. We promised we would let her know how we are feeling, how much we missed each other and everything else that went along with saying goodbye.
We leave in 3 days, and we made it our mission to hang out with his mom as much as we could before we left. She hasn’t taken a break either
 no time to her self she just has to keep working to pay for the house and the piling medical bills.
Those last few days, we took Mrs. Sim out for lunch at her favorite Thai restaurant. She seemed to genuinely smile for the first time in weeks as we joked and reminisced about times when all 4 of us were together. One night, we rented some classic movies she loved and made her favorite snacks. We cuddled up on the couch, enjoying the familiar feeling of just being together as a family again, if only briefly.
Jake and I helped around the house as much as we could - running errands, doing yard work, and cooking meals to give his mom a little respite. We made sure to soak in every moment because we didn't know when we'd all be together like that again.
~~~~~~~~~~
When it came time for our early morning departure back to Korea, Mrs. Sim took us both in for a tight hug, her eyes brimming with tears. "Take care of each other," she whispered hoarsely.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ Jake grabs our suitcases out of the trunk and his mom pulls me to the side.
“Please promise to take care of him for me. You have always been a safe place for him, I can only imagine how he has been feeling” she begged. I held bother of her hands in the palms of mine. “I promise, Mrs Sim, I will do everything in my power to take care of him, don’t worry. You have other things to worry about” I reassure her pulling her into a hug.
Layla climbs through the back of the car from the front seat and jumps out of the trunk to say good bye, jumping all over me and Jake just like when we first arrived. “Yes you’re such a good girl” he scruffs up her ears while giving her a kiss on the forehead. I gave Layla some belly rubs before his mom guided her back into the car.
“Please text me when you board, and call me when you land, I need to know that the two of you are safe.” said his mom. “Of course” we pulled her into one last hug. “I love you guys” she sobbed “I love you too” we said in unison as we walked towards to enterance, leaving his mom in the parking lot.
~~~~~~~~~~
The ride back home was hard for Jake. 10 hours of restlessness. The only time I saw Jake act kind of okay was at our layover in Manila. I tried to leave him be for most of the trip.
-
We landed at the airport in Seoul and made our way back through customs and immigration, I swear the process of getting out of the airport is more stressful than planing a trip itself. We load our things into my car, missing the excitement that Layla brought to the car ride.
Before we got into the car, Jake comes behind me and turns me around into a hug. “I am really worried about her
 my parents have been together for so long I can’t imagine how she would react with out him” he cried into my arms. “Your mom is a strong woman, I know it. She has you and I know she will be able to get through it.” I rub his back and lay my head into the crook of his neck.
I walk him over to his door and open it, letting him get into is and rest, we still had a 45 minute drive back to our place. I just let him ‘rest’ his eyes the whole way and I sat in silence trying not to wake him. The ride was bumpy, or maybe I was more aware of my surroundings not given that Jake wasn’t talking my ear off the whole time. I don’t mean it as a bad thing but he does a great job at keeping me company in the car. But that element was absent this time.
We were outside of our house quicker than expected. Jake was still fast asleep, he looked up he most peaceful than I have seen him these past few weeks I really did not want to wake him up. “Jakey we’re here” I whisper and gently grip his shoulder. He groans. He untucks his arms from under his shirt and rubs his eyes, trying to adjust to the light.
We make way up to the door, he didn’t bother grabbing anything out of the car but I was completely okay with grabbing everything if it meant he would get some rest. As soon as we stepped in the door, he took off his shoes and hurried to his bedroom, he didn’t ever bother changing his clothes before plopping onto his bed in pure exhaustion.
I found myself following him to the bed and sitting on the edge and grazing his back with my fingernails. My hands made way up to his hair and I combed his strands with my fingers. He turns over to lay on his back and I sit and admire his beautiful face while his eyes are closed. So peaceful. I couldn’t fight the urge to lean down and give his a soft peck before heading back to the car.
He didn’t seem to mind, his lips were soft as they instantly melted into mine for a few seconds. He didn’t seem supprised or shocked at all. He made it feel natural. “Thank you” he said, barely audible. I leaned in for another kiss, a smile building on my face as our lips met. No verbal response was needed, my smile against his spoke for itself.
~~~~~~~~~~
We had gotten back into our normal work and school schedule following the break. I still was not seeing Jake as much as I would like and it seems like I was getting less and less information by the day on his dad, which worried me. I tried to call Mrs Sim every single day to check in and get updates, as well as update her on mine and Jake’s life. She treated me like a friend. Like a daughter. I am very thankful to be accepted by her in that way.
Jake was clearly getting more stressed with work and school and I couldn’t figure out a way to ease the stress for him, all I could do was hope that it wouldn’t end up being too much.
Mrs Sim told me briefly once while we were on a phone call that me and her call way more often that her and Jake do. Jake has always been a texter and his Mom simply had to deal with not hearing her baby boys voice as often as she would like, which is why it was weird when me and Jake were laying in my bed around 11pm and his phone starts ringing.
Both of us were on the verge of falling asleep and the light from his phone screen made the situation more uncomfortable. At first Jake just reached over and turned off the ringer.
“Hey did you even see who it was? What if it was important” I question his instinct to end the call. “Fine let me look” he groans.
He reached over and grabs his phone and looks at the screen ‘Mom’ is what it read. “Answer it!” I urged him. Jake was hesitant. I think he thought that this was going to be the call, which he has been preparing to avoid at all costs.
Instead of letting the line go to voicemail, I snatch the phone out of his hand and answer if myself. “Hello Mrs Sim, is everything alright?”
“I am so glad to hear your voice. Is Jake around? It is important. Put it on speaker” she said.
“You’re on speaker” I informed her.
“Jake, your father is home, I picked him up about an hour ago. The doctor said that septic shock caused him to go into the coma, and they were able to treat the infection and keep him steady with some blood and IV fluids. He woke up yesterday and has shown no signs of complication ever since. I will take him back in a few days for testing and a check up. They saved him Jake
 They saved him.” His mother explained ecstatically, crying tears of happiness.
Jake’s face immediately lit up, with what I could see from the light of the phone screen. He instantly started crying.
“Baby I wish you were here right now. he misses you so much” he claimed.
Jake couldn’t even speak through his tears and his hitched breathing. “I love you so much mom, tell dad I love him and I will see him soon”
He sets the phone down and buries his face into my chest, letting out full on sobs. the toll that this situation has taken on his body physically and mentally was very obvious and I know he has been wanting good news.
~~~~~~~~~~
Weeks had passed and we came back to Australia for the Winter break. Jake was more excited than ever. When he saw his dad get out of the car at the airport, I had never see Jake run so fast in my life. Their hug seemed like it was out of a movie and he had been latched to his dad everyday since being back at his house.
His parents kind of picked up on me and Jake’s relationship, and didn’t question why I was wanting to sleep in Jake’s room and not the guest room any more.
We were laying there facing each other, admiring each others beauty in the dim moon light shining through the blinds.
“Tell me Jake, do you believe in fate?” I questioned lowly.
He looks somewhat startled. “Y’know, I have never really thought about that. After everything that has happened this year, I think I would say that I do” he confirmed, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
“Yeah I think I do too”
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misophorism · 1 month ago
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Captain's Log #4.5
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I just wrote a Captain's Log, but I wanted to knock out another one, kinda a sequel. As I'm writing this, I'm again feeling what I described yesterday—the realness of it all; feeling reality as it's intended to be experienced.
Maybe this hurts my Serious Gothic Author aesthetic but I spent some time on Tinder today, and it made me think about the last time I was romantically involved with anyone in this state. It was my last relationship, which ended in 2018 (also mentioned in the last one).
I'm not sure I really have much to say about it that I haven't said already, but thinking about that brought me back to being a teenager. Waking up every morning at 5 am, sitting in my bedroom freestyling to the walls over bsd.u's late night bumps, then watching the sunrise and desperately wishing I had someone to watch it with.
I'm a hopeless romantic. Go figure. You wouldn't get that impression from The Misophorism Trilogy, to be sure. A Sallow Fortune... well, probably. Same with The Suicide and The Scythe.
I love romance, and I love connection, but I also hate it. If anyone reading this followed my old blog or read any of the Captain's Logs you're probably aware that the central tension in my life from late 2020 to now has been the conflict of vulnerability vs. connection—solitude or commiseration.
I've found that I'm much happier in solitude. The Serious Gothic Author part of me won out in the end; my ideal is a cabin in the woods, snow-caressed, a pen in my hand as I write and write, never speaking a word until I give up the ghost.
...but wouldn't it be nice to hold hands once in a while?
Wouldn't it be nice to be told I'm handsome by someone who actually means it?
Wouldn't it be nice to feel desired?
Wouldn't it be nice to make someone else feel desired? To give them gifts? To share my passions to someone who listens to every word? To hear their joys, share it with them, and withstand this awful existence together?
It certainly would.
And then comes the problem. With all of these potentials comes their ends, and it always happens. There will never be a point where agony does not eventually follow. I fuck up, and am left. I do nothing wrong, and am left. It's an inevitable truth.
My last relationship was awful. I mentioned in the previous Captain's Log that I was diagnosed with PTSD following it. One of my triggers was being ghosted. I don't mean just being ignored for a day or two, though that was certainly painful—I mean complete and total cessation of contact.
I tried reconnecting with people over the years after that relationship. Time and time again, it failed. Didn't get much farther than a third date. Sometimes, it wasn't agonizing, just disappointing. A few times potential partners knew my PTSD triggers and trampled all over them willfully—obviously this was mental torture. And the last person is someone I still think about now and again.
She was beautiful. Every time I talked to her, I laughed. She made me blush—I'm black. How the fuck do you make a black person blush? I don't know, but she did it, red cheeks visible. We talked on the phone for hours and hours almost every day for months. I have a distinct memory of staying up until two or three A.M. in the extended stay hotel, laughing so loud I probably pissed off my neighbors, but I didn't care. It was the first time in years I actually started to fall in love.
We went on a date in downtown Richmond. It began with a picnic. Even after talking on the phone for two months, no FaceTime, it was not awkward in the slightest, at least from my perspective. I was still a bit guarded because I'm a cynical asshole, but it quickly melted away and I asked if I could kiss her. She covered her mouth, grinned, and said yes. I ended up kissing her like seven times.
We walked through the rainy streets, talking about her courses, the locals, and where she was from. She was a student at Virginia Commonwealth University, thus we went into their cafeteria and sat down across from each other, talking for a long while. I wanted so badly to kiss her again in there; so much of me wanted to be all over her, but not in a sexual way. I just wanted to kiss her over and over.
Eventually we parted ways. I got home, over the moon. Called Gavin, one of my best friends. As we talked I texted her, and she told me she wasn't pursuing a relationship because commitment scared her.
Obviously I was devastated, but tried to be understanding, asking if we could still be friends and if I could still call her pretty. She said, "Of course, and I can still call you handsome."
You've guessed it. That was the last thing she ever said to me. The next month, I texted her once a day for the first week, then once every other day, then once in a while, and then not at all, eventually sending her a Captain's Log and leaving her alone forever. But that month was probably the worst my PTSD has ever been. Constant nightmares, couldn't sleep. Anxiety all the time. Abyssal despair.
My PTSD did not develop from ghosting—not sure if that's even possible. It developed from being pressured (inadvertently, I think) into sex, screamed at constantly, belittled, ridiculed to my friends, schemed against, and having my trust constantly broken through lies and manipulation. Ghosting was part of that manipulation, and it brought me right back to Winter 2017/2018. Every day felt like that awful December. Didn't help that this happened in winter, too (2021/2022).
I spent so many hours in that extended stay just trying to stave off the constant, agonizing despair gnawing at my psyche. Playing Sims for no particular reason. Staring at the wall. Trying to write. Wanting to hang myself. The nadir was a fight with my mom when she told me, in the middle of my suicidal depression, to "act like an adult." I cussed her out for the first time in my life, little Adam's rage bubbling to the surface, and she tried to put her hand around my throat. I pushed her violently and she nearly fell, I stormed out the room. The night before I had written a suicide note and wandered outside, trying to will myself onto the road.
I'm doing a lot better now, but you (whoever I'm talking to—the wall, I guess) have an idea why I'm so avoidant nowadays. That's a lot of power for someone to have over me. Just cutting contact—something so easy for some people—is enough to plunge me into depression, despair, and anhedonia so severe that I'm drifting through twenty-degree wind hoping a car is driving fast enough to kill me upon impact.
...so why risk it?
Romance would feel amazing with this newfound "real" feeling I have.
But maybe the despair would feel even worse.
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belovedarkness · 8 months ago
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04/01/2024
I made this playlist last January 2023. After years of finally deciding to move forward from my broken relationship with Ken, I’ve started praying and hoping for a life partner. Someone I can share my love for Jesus and my random stories with. Last 14th of February 2023, I wrote down a list of my negotiables and non-negotiables. I am really excited to share the love I have inside me and have been earnestly praying for that someone I can have a godly, stable and healhy relationship with. I am healed and ready. In March 2023, when we had our Mt. Pulag hike, I felt the same. Then April 2023 where I celebrated my 25th birthday in El Nido came, my frontal lobe shifted and I realized that I really want to be someone’s wife. I am not for games. I am for marriage. During those months Bryan has been really trying to show his interest in me but I was refusing because I want him to be healed first and to be sure as well. There are other guys showing interests but did not match my list, Bryan didn’t either. But he is my dearest friend. Bryan surprised me on my birthday last year with a cake and I knew that time, I am swayed and slowly removing all my guards down. I knew it but didn’t speak much about it. We started talking in July 2023. I was reading The Alchemist that time. The story Santiago and Fatima inspired me so much, of how Fatima waited for Santiago until he got his dream even if Santiago will choose her she pushed him to do what he wants to do. Isn’t that so selfless and hopeful? If that’s not love, I don’t know what that is called. I’ve been constantly exchanging good morning texts with Bryan during that time. Again, slowly letting my guards down. I was also in a state of isolation and reading Songs of Solomon. My relationship with Jesus became deeper and personal. I am filled with so much love. August came, Bryan asked me if we could start dating. I did not answer right away. I prayed and asked for Godly advice and consents. I gave myself 2 weeks but a part of me knew that I will say yes to it. So there, the courtship started. Bryan’s work is demanding, he is an accountant. I understand his field and the way he didn’t have that much time to talk to me every single day. I did not demand. I waited. After all, he’s the man. He is designed to take the lead in our relationship. So I let him be. Bryan came here in PH for a 5 days vacay. He invited me to his friends’ out of town in Rizal last October 2023 and that’s when everything has been slowly breaking. All of my expectations with my relationship with Bryan has shown me reality. People aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. And I forgive him. I was hurt but I forgive. Then this year, February 2024. I visited Bryan in AU to see the life he had there. If I really wanted to understand why he wants to settle down in that place I should see it myself that’s why I decided to. Even if I don’t know what to expect. I took the risk. AU Trip was amazing but its a bit sad if you’re not with your loved ones. A lot of things happened there and Bryan showed me different kind of love. A love that comes out of friendship. He made the same mistake, I forgave him, again. When we were there we were just so happy. Contented. Not thinking about anything. I didn’t know I could ever love someone again, and this time at my best state. I was able to show Bryan my best self that I wasn’t able to give Ken. But life happens, after I came back here in PH, we then had a hard time again navigating through our LDR set up. Its so hard to miss someone you couldn’t see or touch or just be there. We both tried our best. We had a hard time compromising and communicating our needs. Our level of emotional maturity is different and pride is greater on the other side. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m writing this down today. I just know that after almost 8 months of my courtship with Bryan, I had the best time and wouldn’t even regret anything that happened or how much love I gave him and I want it to stay that way. If we won’t be able to work this out, I won’t force it. I am letting God in control for the both of us.
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fated2loveu · 10 months ago
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Be Nosy
1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say

I
. You love me?
I love you.
2: Did you get to sleep in today?
No
Yes~
3: You never know what you got until you lose it?
That tracks.
Is there an actual question here?
4: Do you have siblings?
Yes Daichi
Yes Kiyo and Nobu.
5: How many kids do you want?
I have all the children I could love. I don’t think I’ll have more unless the gods allow.
None yet!
6: Who was the last person you held hands with?
Myu
Emi
7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?
Haha no
Nope
8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?
It’s seems to be the only thing they care about

Most definitely
9: Last person to talk on the phone?
Um
. Me?
Again I don’t think this is a question
.
10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
No
I’d hope not
11: When’s your birthday?
September 29th
October 3rd
12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
I do, like it was yesterday
Intoxicating
13: What kind of phone do you have?
iPhone
iPhone!
14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
Sweats
None?
15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?
Most definitely
I don’t thinks so but I don’t feel I’ve changed all too much.
16: What were you doing at 4 am?
Sleeping
Um
.working out~
17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?
Paper
Speech
18: Are you lying to yourself about something?
Everyday
No
19: Last night you felt
?
Alone
Invigorated
20: What’s something you cannot wait for?
Peace
Babies!
21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?
No, never.
I didn’t know my parents but you need to learn how to ask actual questions
.
22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
8?
4
. I was a little restless
23: Are you a morning or night person?
Morning
Morning definitely
24: What did you get your last bruise from?
Walking into the table


lips
..
25: Do you reply to all of your texts?
Yes
Not always
26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?
Answer it
Answer
27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
No
Yes~
28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?
Yes

. Greatly
Nope I’m good
29: How many months until your birthday?
8
9
30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Banana
Hmm~
31: Did you like this past summer?
It was nice
Sure
32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?
Gardening
Painting
33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?
Nothing
Uh, be happy for them
34: What is the last thing you said out loud?
I love you guys
I love you
35: Your mood summed into one work?
Grilled Cheese
Work? You mean word
. Good my mood is good
36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?
Nope
Just getting annoyed at your terrible “questions”
37: What are your initials?
KM
DM
38: Are you a happy person?
Not always
Yes!
39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?
Yes
Yes
40: Where do you want to live when your older?
By the sea
In the mountains
41: Have you had your birthday this year?
No
Bro find more questions you’ve asked about my birthday 3 times
.. but no
42: What did you do yesterday?
Garden
Spoiled a girl
43: What will you be doing tomorrow?
Gardening
Not sure yet
44: How late did you stay up last night?
10?
2
45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?
My children and their father
My family
46: Is it hard to make you laugh?
Sometimes
No
47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?
Yes
Why couldn’t they?
48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?
Rationally no
. But I could see it

Well I don’t have an ex and I don’t plan to
49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?
There may have been someone but I don’t remember
The fuck? That was over a decade ago. None
50: Do you wish your ex was dead?
No
Don’t have an ex
51: Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes blonde
Oh yeah many colors~
52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?
Yes. After we’ve talked of course but not blindly.
I agree with Kiyo
53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?
It was good.
I don’t know, was it even?
54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?
Of course, always
Hmm no not really
55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
They’re dead
No clue
56: Sleep on your back or stomach?
Both
Stomach mostly
57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?
Tropical island
Somewhere in the mountains
58: What would you change about your life right now?
My love life

Nothing
59: Has anything upset you in the past week?
Of course it has
Nope
60: Are you on the phone?
No
Yes~
61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?
Back
Back
62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?
40,000
The cash
63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
Yes
Not that I recall
64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
Yes
No
65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?
No
Oh yeah
66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?
Home
Out on the town!
67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?
N-
.. yes
No
68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?
No
Yes
69: Could you use some sleep right now?
Yes
Yes
70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?
I’m 40 and I have 5 kids already
I’m 30
71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?
Yes but I can understand why they would
Depends on their reasoning
72: What’s your favorite color?
Maroon
Purple
73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?
Uh
. Yes
The fu k kind of questions is that? Of course!
74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?
No
Yes
75: Do you get annoyed easily?
No
Oh yeah
76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?
Yes
Sure if they like
77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?
No
Yes
78: Does anyone call you babe?
Not anymore
Yes
79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
None
One
80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?
Currently nothing
Relationship
81: What color hoodie did you wear last?
Navy
Black
82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?
Yes, but they are around
Nope I have my lover~
@kittencrewtkc
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adrienneleclerc · 9 months ago
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Grovel (alt. Ending)
Pairing: Walter Marshall x Hispanic/Latina! Reader
Summary: Walter begs for forgiveness after he did something that would put his relationship to the test
Warning: CHEATING, spelling and grammar errors, NO HAPPY ENDING, angsty
A/N: For those who believed Y/N forgave Walter too easily, here’s an alternate ending so if you want to read it all over again or just skip to the end, you’re more than welcome to @leyannrae @idontknowwhatnametochoosee
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Walter Marshall thought that after his divorce with Angie, he was not going to find someone else. He believed he came with a lot of baggage because he is a homicide detective, that was until he met Y/N, a nurse.
Y/N was the one that treated Walter's bullet wound when he was on the Simon case and when he sees her in a bar a month later, they hit it off and went on 5 dates before Walter decided to ask her to be his girlfriend.
5 years later, they are still together and Y/N has moved into Walter's house and they are so happy and in love.
Until tonight
It all started 3 days ago, it was 4 in the afternoon and Y/N was getting out of the hospital. Her car was in the shop and Walter said that he would gladly drop her off and pick her up. 10 minutes later, Walter picked her up.
"Hello, darling, how was your shift today?" Walter asked, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.
"It was good, a little tiring, but nothing a cuban coffee can't fix. How was your day, Oso?" Y/N asked.
"Stressful as fuck." Walter muttered.
"You're still on that case?" Y/N asked.
"Yes. We have no leads, it is like this guy is always three steps ahead and its pissing me the fuck off." Walter huffed out. Y/N took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over his hand in an attept to soothe him.
"You'll get this guy, i'm sure of it." Y/N said.
When they got home, Y/N saw the folders, clue board, everything that Walter had in his office at the police department was in his living room.
"You're working from home?" Y/N asked.
"I figured it would be better to focus all my attention on this case so I brought some of the files home, i hope that's okay." Walter said, sitting down at the table to look over things he might have missed with this case.
“Yeah it’s fine, Oso, that’s your job. Just don’t work too hard, okay? Sleep is not for the weak.” Y/N says.
“I know, love, I won’t turn into a zombie.” Walter said and they kissed.
Which brings us to tonight, Y/N took an Uber home because Walter’s phone was turned off. When Y/N entered the house, she found Walter drinking coffee in the living room, the same way she left him this morning and the day before.
“How was your day, Walter?” Y/N asked. Walter ignored her, writing notes on the case. “Well, my day was good, I worked with some of the pediatric patients, el dĂ­a fue sĂșper leve.”
“Y/N, I’m trying to work here.” Walter said.
“I see that, but you haven’t moved from this spot. Have you eaten? La estufa sigue igual de limpio, have you been living off coffee?” Y/N asked. Walter stayed silent. “Okay, fine, did you buy what I asked you to get?”
“You said I haven’t moved from this spot so clearly I haven’t gotten what you asked for.” Walter snapped, looking up from the table.
“No me hables así, eh, ni siquiera mi papá le habla así a mi mamá, Don’t try me, Walter.” Y/N said as she walked to the kitchen.
“Ugh, even Angie wasn’t such a bitch.” Walter muttered and Y/N stopped to turn around.
“You know what, you’re stressed, you haven’t eaten, you’re probably sleep deprived, let me just cook and we can talk after you take a nap, okay.” Y/N said but Walter then slammed his hands on the table.
“I am not a child, Y/N, you don’t have to smother me, and you are most certainly not my wife so stop acting like it.” Walter raised his voice and Y/N widened her eyes.
“I May not be your wife but I am your girlfriend, and I deserve to be respected, Walter.” Y/N said.
“I am not going to sit here and be nagged by you, I’m going out.” Walter huffed.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Y/N shouted.
“Out! Are you having trouble hearing me more than usual?” Walter asked as he left the house, closing the door behind him.
“Ugh, me encabrona!” Y/N shouted. This was their first big fight. Y/N calmed down a little and she wanted to cry because she just drove her boyfriend out of his house.
Walter sat in his truck to calm down a little. “FUCK!” Walter shouted, hitting his steering wheel. He drove somewhere he thought he would stop visiting after Faye went away to college; Angie’s house.
Walter rang her doorbell and Angie opened the door in Jeans and a sweater.
“Walter? What are you doing here? Faye doesn’t come back until spring break.” Angie said.
“I know, I came to talk to you.” Walter said.
“You should have called, this isn’t a good time.” Angie said.
“I think I messed things up with Y/N.” Walter said. Angie sighed and moved out of the way so Walter can come in. Angie walked to the couch and patted on the empty space next to her.
“Tell me everything. Y/N seems very sweet, kinda young, but she’s a good person, what the hell did you do?” Angie asked him
“I’ve been too focused on this case that i forgot to pick her up from her job since they are working on her car, I yelled at her, basically called her a bitch, and disrespected her. She just wanted to to take care of me, to stop me from getting burnout, and I yelled at her and disrespected her. Saying that she should stop acting like she’s my wife.” Walter said. His eyes were tearing up.
“Wow, that’s a lot to unpack.” Angie said.
“Why did we get a divorce, Angie?” Walter asked.
“Why are you asking me that?” Angie asked.
“Was it me? Was I the problem?” Walter asked. Angie looked at him, saw that Walter looked practically broken.
“Listen, Walter, we got married in our early 20s. We were young, we weren’t going to last anyway. You tried your hardest to make me happy, and i was happy with you for a while. You are a great father to Faye, you put your all in our relationship, but you are also a workaholic.” Angie said softly. “It’s not a bad thing, you’re a cop, someone has to get the bad guys, right? I couldn’t handle that because I’m not used to it. But Y/N is a nurse, right? A nurse and a cop, what could be better than that? She knows the heavy workload you have because she has the same.”
“So what you’re saying it that I pushed away the one person who could possibly understand me.” Walter said.
“Sorta. You shouldn’t have yelled at her, she was just trying to get you to relax and eat, God knows how much I tried to get you to eat back when you were still on the SWAT Team.” Angie said.
“My job is stressful, Angie, you know that.” Walter said.
“And so does she. I’m sure you’ll make it right.” Angie said. Then Walter’s stomach growled and bleh of them laughed.
“Yeah, Y/N wasn’t lying when she said I was living off coffee, do you have anything to eat?” Walter asked.
“I Can order us takeout. You want Chinese, Italian, or Latin food?” Angie asked, holding out the menus she keeps in a kitchen drawer.
“Latin food.” Walter said, already missing Y/N’s cooking.
“You got it, detective.” Angie said.
While Y/N was drinking wine, eating ice cream, and watching movies that make her cry (for me it’s how to train your dragon, Beethoven, elemental, I’m a sensitive and emotion person, okay), Walter was getting nostalgic with Angie, eating and drinking.
"Remember that time you stayed up with me for a case when I just started working as a homicide detective?" Walter asked, eating a piece of chicken with his rice.
"Oh my god, yes, I was so tired, I think I crashed around 4am, I was exhausted at work." Angie said.
"I told you that you didn't have to stay up, but you were so stubborn and made us coffee after you put Faye to bed." Walter said.
"I had to support my husband." Angie said, taking a sip of wine.
More time went on, they finished the bottle of wine, and one thing led to another, Walter kissed Angie.
Y/N saw that the time was 10pm and Walter still hasn't come home yet. She got off the couch and unlocked her phone to call Walter, it went to voicemail after a few rings.
"Hey Oso, please come back home. We both have said some things, you mostly, but I really want to talk about this, I'm sorry if I nag you, that is not my intention, I just love you so much and I want you to take care of yourself, bye." Y/N left the voicemail and went to the bedroom she shared with Walter and Walter and Angie were too busy undressing each other on their way to her bedroom to notice his phone vibrating on the kitchen counter.
Walter lied awake in bed, with Angie by his side, Angie was asleep, both were naked.
“What have I done?" Walter wondered out loud in a whisper. He tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes, he just sees what happened with Angie.
It was 8 in the morning and Y/N did not have to go in for work. She went downstairs and Walter still wasn't back home. Meanwhile Walter was putting his clothes back on.
"This never should have happened." Walter stated, zipping up his pants.
"You think I'm thrilled we slept together? I'm married! I'm just happy he has a business trip in Boston." Angie said, putting on her bathrobe.
"Where is my phone?" Walter asked, looking throgh her bedroom.
"It's probably downstairs on the kitchen counter. Have a safe trip home, make up with Y/N, I'll see you when Faye comes back." Angie said. Walter went downstairs and turned on his phone. He saw a voicemail from Y/N. He played the voicemail and his eyes strated tearing up.
“I am such a wanker." Walter muttered. He walked out of the house and got into his truck to go back home. He saw Y/N’s car in the driveway. He spent a few mintues in his truck crying, thinking about how he should tell Y/N. Its worse if she finds out later so it is better to be truthful now. He got out of the car, walked into the house and saw Y/N making pancakes.
"Oso, you're back!" Y/N exclaimed, leaving the mixing bowl on the counter and walked over to him, pulling him into a hug. "Listen, I promise not to 'nag' you as much if you promise to take care of yourself. I am not trying to smother you, I just don't want you to burn yourself out, okay?" Y/N pulled away from the hug and saw that Walter's eyes were red. "Hey, whats wrong?" Y/N asked, she was about to wipe his tears when Walter took her hands in his and pushed them away.
“We need to talk." Walter said.
“Okay, can it wait?" Y/N asked.
“No, it can't." Walter said. Y/N looked at him, his face was serious. She nodded and took off her apron, followed Walter into the living room and sat on the couch. Walter had her hands in his. "Something happened when i left. But I'm letting you know now that it meant nothing and that I completely regret it."
“Walter, you're scaring me, what did you do?" Y/N asked, her voice breaking as her eyes became glassy.
“I drove to Angie's house. I needed clarity, I just fought with you and I know i messed up really bad but I didn't know if it would have been the end. I asked Angie why we got divorced, I asked if it was the problem with our argument." Walter said, carefully looking at Y/N's reactions to his words. "She came to the conclusion that you and I are perfect for each other and that I should be more open to accepting your help, that I was pushing you away. We were reliving our good moments, we were eating drinking, and then we..." Walter was cut off by Y/N putting her hand up.
“You slept with your ex wife?" Y/N asked.
"Yes.” Walter admitted.
“You slept with your ex-wife after she told you that you and I were practically perfect for each other?” Y/N asked again.
“Yes.” Walter whispered. Y/N nodded and took her hands out of Walter’s, she walked to the kitchen and Walter trailed behind her. He observed how she picked up the mixing bowl and continued to mix the batter before turning on the stove and pouring the mix with a ladle onto the pan. “Say something, anything.” Walter said. Y/N remained silent until she finished making pancakes and the mixing bowl was empty.
“You wanna know what I did when you left me in our home? I cried because I had no idea where you were going. I was drinking wine and purposely watching movies that I know will make me cry because you were gone for hours and didn’t send me a text to let me know you were alright. We never had a fight like this, Walter, Never, in our 5 years of dating. And the first thing you do is go to your ex-wife’s house? After you told me that Angie wasn’t as much as a bitch as I was? Do you see how messed up that is?” Y/N asked Walter with tears in her eyes.
“It didn’t mean anything, Y/N, I swear.” Walter said.
“Oh please Walter, you guys were married for what, 9 years? You loved each other, Walter. Maybe you still love each other, I don’t know. What I do know is that feelings were involved, Walter. It’s is different than sleeping with a random woman, which I would still be angry about by the way. You cheating on me with Angie is much worse than a random hookup.” Y/N explained, trying to hold on her tears.
“It was a mistake, Y/N, we were drunk.” Walter said.
“Oh, you were drunk, I guess that makes it better, then.” Y/N commented sarcastically. “Me vale madre if you were drunk or not, we were still together.” Y/N said.
“I can make it better, please. I’m sorry I hurt you, I shouldn’t have left you, it was bad judgment on my part.” Walter said, he was going to wrap his arm around her when Y/N moved away.
“Now is not the time Walter.” Y/N said.
“What happened to Oso?” Walter asked.
“You lost that nickname the minute you slept with Angie. The worst part about ALL OF THIS is that you needed her to tell you that we were perfect for each other. You needed confirmation from another person, you couldn’t just take my word for it. You didn’t want me to smother you? Well congratulations, Walter, I won’t be here to smother you anymore.” Y/N said, walking upstairs, Walter following suit. He saw her pull out a suitcase, she was packing.
“No, please don’t leave me, we have to talk about this, please.” Walter said. Y/N looked up to see Walter’s eyes, his once bright blue eyes were now dull.
“Fine, you want to talk, let’s talk. How was your night with Angie?” Y/N asked.
“I don’t understand.” Walter said
“Then let me help you understand. While I was home watching movies, you were fĂŒcking Angie in her house, how was she in bed? Is that clear enough?” Y/N asked kinda aggressively.
“I can’t answer that.” Walter stated.
“You’re the one who wanted to talk.” Y/N reminded him.
“It was different, you and I have always made love, Y/N. Angie was nothing compared to what we have.” Walter said. Y/N got closer to Walter.
“Had, Walter.” Y/N said, she finished packing her suitcase with her clothes, towels, and toiletries. She got the suitcase and started walking downstair, opening the front door, Walter trailed behind her. “You finally did it, Walter, you pushed me away, I hope you’re happy.” Y/N gave Walter his key back.
“What can I do to fix this? Fix us?” Walter asked.
“I just need time. I can’t sleep in the same bed with you or stay in the same house with you knowing that if we have another fight, you’d go to Angie, that you slept with Angie. The day I moved in, you promised me that you’d never hurt me and I believed you, guess we were both wrong.” Y/N said. She left and closed the door. Walter immediately broke down crying on the floor, he messed up big time.
Y/N entered her car and called one of her friends from the hospital.
“Hey Y/N, what’s up, how’s your weekend?” Her friend asked.
“Hey Blair, um, I was wondering if I can stay at your house for a few days or a few weeks.” Y/N said.
“Yeah, babe, stay with me as long as you need, okay? You sound like you’ve been through it. Go over to my house, I’ll call Seth and let him know, okay. Love you, bye." Blair hung up and Y/N but Blair's address on her phone and drove to her house. She saw Blair's husband, Seth, outside the house with the door open, along with two kids playing in the front yard with a cavalier king charles spaniel. Y/N parked her car in the driveway and got out.
"Y/N, its so nice to meet you, you need any help with your bag?" Seth asked.
"No, its fine, I got it." Y/N said. "How old are they?" Y/N asked Seth, entering the house.
"7 and 4. The dog is 2. We don't have the guest room set up so you will have to sleep on the couch tonight, is that alright?" Seth asked.
"Of course, I’m intruding. I will help with dinner and cleaning.” Y/N said.
“Sounds like a deal.” Seth said
Walter has been throwing himself into work since she left 4 days ago. Whenever there was an interrogation and the suspect would get testy, Walter took out all his anger on them. However, Commissioner Harper has had enough of Walter’s anger issues.
“Marshall, you can’t keep hulking out on the suspects/perps, we’ll get nowhere. Go home, you’re not coming back until you fix whatever problem you have going on.” Harper said. Walter huffed and walked out.
When he made it home and saw the picture of him and Y/N together, he decided it was time to get her back. He got in his truck, bought her favorite flowers, and went to the hospital she worked at. He got out of the truck and entered the hospital lobby.
“Hi, I’m Walter Marshall, I’m here to see Y/N L/N, she’s a nurse.” Walter said.
“Do you know what floor she’s working on?” The receptionist asked.
“Can’t you check?” Walter asked.
“She’s assigned to me 9th floor, here’s your visitor pass.” The receptionist said and Walter thanked her. He saw that a lot of people were waiting for the elevator so he decided to take the stairs. Luckily for him, this was light work compared to his SWAT training. He stopped at the 9th floor and walked to the nurse station.
“Hello, can I
oh it’s you.”
“Nice to see you too, Blair. Do you know where Y/N is?” Walter asked, lowkey out of breath,
“Why would I tell you? She’s devastated over his things ended.” Blair said.
“That’s why I’m here, to make things right. Where is she?” Walter asked again.
“She’s getting a translator from the supply closet.” Blair answered, pointing towards the door and Walter thanked her. He opened the door and saw Y/N in her light blue scrubs, her hair (down, braided, in a ponytail, up to you!), he closed the door and Y/N turned around.
“Walter, what are you doing here?” Y/N asked. Walter saw that Y/N had dark circles under her eyes, Y/N noticed the same thing about Walter. His hair was messier than usual.
“I came to win you back.” Walter says, handing Y/N the flowers.
“Flowers? You think you can fix everything with flowers?” Y/N said.
“No, but I think this might fix everything.” Walter said.
Walter got down on his knees in front of Y/N, looking up at her like he was worshiping a goddess, on his mind he was.
“Please forgive me, Y/N, you mean the whole world to me, these last few days have been utter torture, my house doesn’t feel like a home anymore, you brought light to my life, I am nothing without you.” Walter starts tearing up, voice breaking. “Please, baby, please forgive me, I made a terrible mistake, I admit that, you are someone that I can’t replace, no one, and I mean no one could replace you. You are so special to me, I am so lucky to have you, and I will worship the ground you walk on if you let me, please. I don’t know what I’ll do without you in my life.” When Walter was finished with his little speech, both of them were crying.
“Walter, get off the floor.” Y/N said softly. Walter got off his knees, dusting his pants off. “This can’t be easily fixed with flowers or a speech.’ Y/N said, handing Walter the flowers back.
“Then tell me how I can fix this, please. I don’t want to lose you, you want to throw away our entire relationship over one fight?” Walter asked.
“But that’s the thing, Walter, it is not just one fight. This isn’t the first time you take your anger out on me when you’re stressed because of work. And I’m positive that if we stay together, it won’t be the last. I can’t keep forgiving you if in a month or even a year you’ll do it again. You sleeping with Angie is the last straw.” Y/N said.
“You can’t possibly mean that.” Walter said.
“You are not ready for stable relationship. You clearly can’t communicate with me, I try to be patient with you, wait until you are ready to open up but..”
“I hate talking, you know that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you. I love talking to you, about our days, about our dreams, talking to you is the best part of my day.” Walter tried to hold Y/N’s hands but she pulled away.
“That’s not the same, Walter. The point is that maybe we can get past this after some time, after some self reflection, but for right now, I need to get back to work so if you’ll excuse me.” Y/N said, pulling the translator with her, leaving Walter heartbroken in the supply closet. Blair enters the closer.
“It’s time for you to leave, Marshall. If you don’t, I’ll bring in security.” Blair said.
“I’m going. Tell Y/N I still love her.” Walter said.
“I’m not telling her shit, goodbye.” Blair said, practically pushing Walter out of the supply closet. Walter got out of the hospital and he got into his truck.
“Can’t believe she’s not coming home.” Walter said, leaning his head against the wheel.
Y/N and Blair were in the break room, Y/N crying softly.
“I know it was hard but its for the best. I would never forgive cheating, and you shouldn’t either.” Blair said.
“I know but we were together for 5 years, I moved in with him.” Y/N said,
“I’ll help you find an apartment near my house, pack, I’ll help you move on. Now actually eat your lunch, that’s why we’re in the break room.” Blair said.
Walter got home, left his keys on the table, and started looking around, memories of his relationship with Y/N came flooding into his mind. Their first kiss, when they danced in the living room, redecorated the bedroom, they baked alfajores, all their happy moments. Walter sat on the couch and cried, knowing he would never be as happy and he was with her.
Taglist: @warriormirkwood
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httpiastri · 1 year ago
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Hiii Love!
Gosh, I haven't been here in a while! I hope your doing good!
I actually managed to watch the race last Sunday, which is the first race I have watched since the summer break. That's so crazy 🙈 but I am just trying to get the most of the nice weather before it just starts to rain all the time here.
I am so so happy about choosing to do the year abroad, and even though sometimes there are harder days (like when my au pair kids do the opposite of what I tell them to do) and it gets frustrating, I love this work and the country and the kids of course! One of them was all cuddly today and didn't wanna stop hugging me đŸ„°
But the race was so good! Even though I am very... unsure what to think about Carlos as a person, I love love love Carlando and the teamwork at the end of the race was everything!! Gosh, I was so nervous!
I was planning on watching the race on Sunday as well, because it's early in the morning before I could go out, but now it turns out I am going out the night before and won't be home till 3 am 🙈 I really don't think I'm gonna be able to keep my eyes open to watch or even get up. How did I do this back home??
I don't know if I missed anything because I haven't read all of the asks, but did you come to a decision about your University? Just if you wanna talk about it :)
Also, I read that you were struggling a bit about a writer's block and I just wanna say that just starting is the most important thing, even if it might be absolute bullshit! You can always improve it later! Hope it resolves itself soon and you have more time to write as well!!
-✹
hello love! i’ve missed you!! i’ve been doing good, how about you? <33
aw im glad you got to watch the race, it was a good one!! not just the boring old “max verstappen wins by 64 seconds” race đŸ€­ i’ve been kinda unsure about my feelings about carlos recently too but i can’t say no to carlando, such an iconic and lovely pairing đŸ„° just wish it had been swapped around so lando had the win!
but yes you’re right for enjoying the weather and spending time with the kids! i’m really glad you feel like going away to be an au pair is the right thing đŸ„ș since i work with kids too (they’re probably a bit older than yours, though?
) i really get you, it can be annoying at times but it’s also so much fun. and a cuddly child đŸ„ș😭 that’s so sweet awwww i’m so happy for you about this whole thing đŸ«¶
oh god if you’re up that late then it indeed would be hard to stay awake đŸ˜© good thing you can always watch it later! and i hope you have a great night out 😁😁 idk how i’m gonna survive it either, i really wanna catch up on some sleep this weekend
 why couldn’t this weekend be a later race 😔😔
about uni, i ended up not going and instead i’m taking a course in journalism at another university! it’s only once a week though, so i’ve been working these last few weeks. first time i’ve ever worked an actual 9-5 job for more than like two days đŸ˜” i’ve done so many other types of work but this is new territory. it’s quite alright so far! the only problem being that i never fall asleep until 1am at the earliest, so i never get a lot of sleep :/ well well!
you’re very right, always when i get a block i just sit down and force myself to write either way. i have barely had any time at all to write these last few weeks tho so i haven’t gotten around to doing it. i did manage to sit down last night though and had a good writing moment! but it was at 2am so my work today is going to suffer from it đŸ„Č thank you love!
i hope you have a great weekend sweetheart đŸ„°đŸ„°
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