#did i mean for mateo to have the best board??? no

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

💎polyamigos aesthetic💎

[littlelesbinonny]

The Devil's Den

Chapter 31: In Which A Mishap Leads to Something Soft

You can read this also on Ao3 at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46831621/chapters/117962293

"Well did ya send anyone in???" Karl interrupted.

"The cave is still extremely compromised, until we really have -"

"C'mon man! You've got a lead and you're just sittin' on it?!"

"HEISENBERG! CONTAIN YOURSELF BEFORE I FORCEABLY REMOVE YOU FROM THIS MEETING!" Alcina shouted while slamming her hands down on the table. 

This wasn't the first time he'd interrupted Dmitri and her nerves were running thin as it was, Karl's outbursts and usual aggressiveness was only pressing them thinner.

"Let him finish," she barked, ever so slowly leaning back into her chair, "please, continue Dmitri."

There was a muffled clearing of a throat on the other end of the speakerphone, "As I was saying, we're unsure if this new tunnel is a result of the cave-in itself simply exposing an underlying naturally made cavern, or if it's made by man, or other beings, as it were. We're executing the utmost safety measures since we don't know what is down there or if the threat of another cave-in is possible. Our sources are limited where we are but Sylvia affirms the lycan forces are sending up a few of their most agile members for the task, who will join our own as we proceed."

"This doesn't bode well for activity; Dmitri, you're sure there's been nothing come out of there?"

"Well... if it has, we've not seen anything and everyone is still alive, so we have that going for us."

Alcina was normally on board for jokes, however today was not one of those days.

"You're how many men strong?"

"Currently 57."

She sighed and rubbed her temples, "I want word the moment you know more about this, and I want everyone armed to the teeth," her sights darted for Karl, "Heisenberg, wipe the snivel off your face - can you equip them with more artillery?"

"Duh," he snorted, "I'll deliver myself."

"Good. Donna, you and I will prepare here; I want Mateo, Gerard, and Elina ready at a moments notice to leave with me and a small crew if necessary."

"Understood," she replied, "I will contact them immediately."

"Dmitri..."

"Yes, my lady?"

"Anything unusual, and I mean anything, I trust your judgment to make the call to fall back... and I demand that you do. I don't want anymore losses."

"Understood."

Karl's muttered grumbles at the talk of 'leaving with their tails between their legs' was ignored and the conversation was over shortly after. Everyone was in agreement that while nothing had come to fruition with this new discovery, yet, the option to be best prepared and not need it outweighed complacency.

Donna brought in Elina, Gerard, and Mateo and in the depths of the Beneviento study a plan was devised for a swift departure. Karl had left in a sour mood but was leaning on the side of excitement he would be gathering weapons for the troops on the other side; Alcina gave him full reign on what he could deliver and she only assumed that meant several explosives and whatever new inventions he hadn't tested out yet. He was nothing if not game for some destruction, somewhere.

The chime from the antique clock on the mantlepiece rang in the 3 o'clock hour and Alcina pursed her lips to herself.

"I believe we're fortified as can be for the time being, shall we call it?"

The four nodded and she gracefully took her leave.

~

In truth, you'd only fallen asleep about an hour, maybe two, ago when you were woken to a familiar presence in your dazed awakening.

Alcina's perfume wafted into your lungs like the gracious caress of a soft sunrise. 

Her arms snaked around your middle and you hummed, "well, well, hello midnight caller... what are you doing here?"

Your voice was riddled with sleep and Alcina grinned near your ear, snuggling herself to your backside in the darkness, "visiting someone I love, is that alright?" she whispered.

Keeping your eyes closed you nestled further back into her and sighed deeply, "mmm, I suppose that's ok."

She'd only snuck into your room in the dead of night once or twice, but you were not going to balk at the visit. She'd taken the time to disappear from her duties in the underworld for you and that warmed your whole soul.

"You are in a bit of trouble, I might add," Alcina's voice sounded, a little louder, the sternness there barely enough to bite, "you left your balcony door unlocked."

"Well yeah, I never know when you might drop by," you giggled softly, still half asleep, "I'm not -" you broke for a short yawn, "- losing out on any chance to spend time with you."

With a defeated yet unforced sigh, Alcina hunkered down with you, kissing at your ear with a hum, "go back to sleep draga mea, I want to hold you for as long as I can."

Well, how could you argue with that?

In the most unlike fashion for Alcina, she had fallen asleep.

At some point after sharing a kiss with you, your effervescent aura of relaxing bliss knocked her out hard enough she remembered nothing after nuzzling her nose in your hair.

The problem with that was the sun would be rising in mere minutes.

It was Saturday and there was no need for an alarm so you, as you always had, would wake by proxy to your own internal alarm. And the problem with that was that you were in the arms of your Alcina all night, the safety you felt kept you entirely too comfortable for your own good.

You felt her startle and your instincts to keep her from the sunlight forcefully shoved you into action; the unspoken knowing of what was about to happen blew cold anxiety through you.

"Fuck!" 

You were unsure you'd ever moved so fast in your life.

"Don't move!"

In a dash and a blur you ripped open your closet door and pulled out three big bags. Tearing the top of one open you yanked out a black mass. Alcina watched with confusion and then awe as you hopped on a stool and began to hang the very large black-out curtain over the balcony door. 

You little shit. You've been prepared right under my nose. She smirked.

Still, this wasn't the greatest move she could have made. She was caught outside of the underground, which never happened, with no communication to anyone down there, and had no other choice than to stay put until night fall. There was no doubt in her mind Donna would come down on her harder than a pallet of bricks. 

When you finished with the balcony you moved into the kitchen, sealed that window, and moved into the living room, successfully closing off all natural sunlight from the entirety of your apartment.

Coming back into the bedroom with a huff of panicked breath, you leaned against the desk and turned on the small lamp.

"Well..." you sighed, "I know this is probably not the most ideal thing in the world, but uh, at least you're safe?"

You were so insufferably cute she couldn't pretend to be upset. She fucked up. Oh well. You had uncannily saved her ass, quite literally.

Alcina rose slowly and stalked over to you with a softness in her smile, grateful beyond measure at your intelligence and ever vigilant thinking ahead, "at least I won't be hiding away in a closet all day," she smirked, tracing your brow, "you astound me. Truly."

"Hey, gotta be prepared when you got a girlfriend who just happens to be a vampire," the beam of pride from your grin chased away the rest of the looming concern, "never thought I'd have you all to myself during the day, and uh, you're definitely stuck with me." 

She chuckled, "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be stuck with."

Feeling the tension of the rude awakening sifting through your system, you sighed and leaned into her front, wrapping your arms around her torso and breathing her scent in to continue the lull of relaxation. There were plenty of thoughts that were pending in your brain but you were too tired to entertain a one of them. Feeling Alcina comb her long fingers through your hair made it all the more easier to ignore them.

"And what..." her low vibrato cooed, "do you do for fun on your Saturday's off, draga mea?"

You sighed big and long but never budging from your spot, "oh you know, the usual; wake up, question and ponder my life choices; why I haven't won the lottery yet so I can quit my job a galivant however I please, dodge the existential dread of never-ending laundry, dishes, cleaning; sit on the couch for hours doom-scrolling through apps, and other exciting mundane tasks that go along with being a human."

"Oh heavens," Alcina laughed, "life really has changed since I was human," she pulled you away and peered down into your tired eyes, "but I asked what you did for fun... existential dread, as appealing as you make it sound, doesn't count."

"Ok, fine," you smiled lazily, "sometimes I'll go out for coffee or breakfast, meander the city, wander the parks, catch some live music... if the weather is shit, I like to bring out my Nintendo 64 and play some videogames like Zelda or Doom, Super Mario, Goldeneye, Yoshi Story - you name it, I've got a wicked stash - and other times I'll binge watch a show or watch movies till I'm blue in the face, or I just take a day to sit in silence and nap, maybe cook an extravagant dinner for myself... it's usually take-out though don't be fooled."

Raising an arched brow Alcina chuckled at you, "hmmm. Well, as it is only barely 7 AM, shall we snooze and cuddle a while? Then perhaps you can show me these video games of yours."

"You drive a tough bargain, ma'am, but I suppose that does sound pretty nice."

Unperching from the desk and tugging her back to the bed with you, you plopped in the mattress with a smile on your face as the two of you settled down. 

While Alcina had plenty of things to ponder on and worry about, there was absolutely nothing she could do about her current circumstances. She hoped whoever noticed her absence, and she prayed they were few, there wouldn't be mass chaos at the Grand Matriarch being missing from the underground. She wasn't necessarily proud of her actions but, at the same time, she was the Grand Matriarch and she would do as she pleased. If she didn't happen to come home for one day, it was no ones business why nor where she had been. That's what she continued to tell herself while she held you in her arms, focusing instead on your warmth and calming thrum of your heartbeat.

"I am absolutely not playing."

"Oh come on, you watched me play a whole hour of Zelda, Mario Cart is a thousand times easier! Plus, I've shown you what all the buttons do and how to do the thing."

"But I like watching you play. I am not a 'gamer', this is not my cup of tea."

"Laaaame excuse. You've literally never even played a video game, how can you possibly know that," you rolled your eyes, quickly changing your tone, "I think your ego can't handle the challenge."

Icy eyes grew narrow but her smirk was devilishly present, "my ego has nothing to do with it, you little fiend - this kind of challenge doesn't suit me."

"Ooohhhh, I see, I got it... you're too proud to admit that you know your human girlfriend is gunna whoop your ass at a little Mario Cart so you won't even entertain the thought, but it's ok, it's ok, I mean, I understand, it IS a really tough thing to swallow and all; being the Matriarch of an underground lair of scary vampires and whatnot, but Mario Cart, I - "

You were unable to finish your taunting as Alcina had tackled you off the couch and pinned you under her thighs on the carpet, her hands holding yours immobile by your head as she smiled flatly down at you. You, of course, were putting up very little, to any, fight at all.

"Now, draga mea," she cleared her throat, "dragoste, light of my dark night; you realize when you challenge a woman like me, and taunt me to the point of no return, and being who I am with the ever present need to execute my case in whatever means necessary... do you really think antagonizing me will get you what you want?"

The grin on your face was beckoning for more, "there's really only one way to find out."

She scowled.

"You really are relentless," she stated flatly, hiding her smile.

"That's why you love me, though."

"Mmmm... I suppose," Alcina leaned down slowly, caressing her lips against yours, "but I want the pretty purple controller."

"Okaaayyy." you sighed playfully.

"And I get to be Yoshi."

"What?! You can't have my controller AND my driver!"

"You said he was the best, didn't you?"

Her glimmering smile left you immobile on the floor as she lifted off you. Smirking and shaking your head, you rolled over and grabbed for the controller. You did poke the bear, and you did actually get your way, so, you weren't allowed to complain.

Purely but happily surprised, she did actually beat you 5 out of the 6 games. You beat her the first round but when she caught on to most of the tricks she came in blazing afterwards. 

There was something inexplicably endearing about this 6 foot tall regal vampire sitting on the floor with you playing video games. There was no way life was real. No way.

Chuckling, you scooted closer to her and straddled her lap, draping your arms over her broad but beautiful shoulders and smiled, "well, looks like I gotta eat my words, don't I. You're a damn fast learner."

Alcina hummed as you laced your fingers through her hair and returned the smile, "you're a very good teacher, but yes, I am very good at whatever I put my mind to, very good, in fact, I'm usually the best."

"So humble," you laughed, "but thank you for indulging me."

Using her palms to pull your hips closer, Alcina kissed you repeatedly until you settled completely into her, "it's the least I can do, for all you've done for me... I do love you, you know."

"I do know, I love you too."

Her eyes were warm underneath the coolness of the slate color. You could gaze into them for what you would consider forever and be happy with that. She still didn't seem real to you, even after all this time, but if it was a dream or some fabricated hallucination you'd come up with, you were content to let it last. 

"So..." you began, tilting your head, "now that you've had a taste of what I do in my spare time, what do you do when you have free time to yourself down there?"

Alcina leaned her back into the couch and admired you and your curiosity, "it's rare to have down time these days, but I enjoy spending time with my girls. If they're around, that is," she chuckled, "we four like to sit in the turret and busy ourselves with whatever appeals to our fancy that day. Daniela loves to draw and paint, Cassandra loves puzzles, reading, and art as well, and Bela plays piano amongst her love for books; she and I are the readers. I love to read. My family never had books in the house when I was growing up; they were too busy with the vineyards to do much else in their spare time than rest. When I got my hands on a book from the neighbor boy who fancied me, I ate right through it. He continued to supply my desires and before long I had a lovely stash of my own. When I wasn't occupied with music or schooling, I was reading."

"Yeah? Any particular genre tickle your fancy best?"

"You, you tickle my fancy plenty," she jested seductively as she ran her palms up and down your sides, "but any really, I'll read anything. I prefer poetry or a good fantasy, but a romance or thriller is also perfectly suitable."

"Maybe we should start swapping books, as you can see - " you motioned to the vast array of bookshelves lining your walls, "I, too, enjoy a good book."

Alcina beamed, inching in to kiss you softly, "I'd love that."

It was now 4 PM and the day was waning. The two of you had spent the hours talking, snuggling, and watching a few episodes of The Golden Girls before your grumbling stomach had its say.

You were now headed to Malka's store to get some things for dinner. Alcina about slapped your cell phone out of your hand when you talked of ordering some pizza. She grabbed you up in her arms and sternly, but lovingly, commanded you go to the store and buy some pasta, lemons, garlic, and pesto and she would make you dinner.

Still a little stunned, but not arguing with the woman, you left with a kiss and a $20 Alcina was carrying with her. Puzzled beyond belief that she had money, when you asked why, she smirked and stated; "we vampires are like dragons; we've gathered golds and riches for lifetimes, we have wealth most humans could never comprehend. How do you think we live so glamorously? Humans can't spend their wealth when they're dead, but we can."

You couldn't help but chuckle a little as you scurried your way through the streets and people. You imagined how many people Alcina had killed in her lifetime, before the rules changed, and how much money she really had stashed away. You'd considered a sugar mama before, but a vampire one at that? What a wild fucking thing your life had become. You laughed some more but bundled your scarf up around your neck, it was a chilly autumn day but you were still warm inside at the fact you'd had Alcina to yourself for a whole day.

"Oi, my ketzeleh! You are looking very happy today," Malka commented as you walked through the door, "look at this - rosy cheeks, that smile, you ate a canary ketzeleh?"

"Nooo, Malka," you laughed, "just a lovely day is all. Gunna grab some things for dinner!"

"Good good, I am happy to see you eat better. You minnealalas live off fast food! A Shonda!"

Malka had never grasped the term millennial, so minnealalas was the best anyone could get out of her. You actually kind of liked it and started saying it yourself on occasion, no one else had a clue what you meant and that was fine.

She continued to talk to herself in full Yiddish as you grabbed what you needed, the drabble muffled as she held a bobby pin in her mouth while she fixed the braided bun on her head.

Eying you with a pleased nod as she began ringing up your items, she winked, "I still say you let me teach you my family recipes. If you can cook a good simple pasta dish like this, you can learn our foods!"

"I'm game, you tell me when and where."

"My grandson has the shop on Wednesday, you come after work and we'll cook the night away."

Grabbing your bag from her, you offered a sincere smile and nodded, "see you Wednesday, bubbeh."

"Men vet zikh zehn!"

When you'd left your apartment you hadn't seen your crow friends, but now upon your return they were all perched high in the tree on the branch closest to your window. Oddly, they were all very quiet and still. You could see that they were watching you as you approached your usual bench now, labeled 'the feeding grounds', and you reached into your bag. As soon as they saw the trail mix (free of chocolate) in your hands, they swooped down and circled you. But still, they were as quiet as ever.

"Hey there, my funky little void omens," you greeted them with a smile, "awfully quiet today... is it the cold? Believe you me, I'm not thrilled with it either, but it's so nice to see you, as always."

Sprinkling the nuts and dried berries around the grass, they regally ate and regarded you with eyes that seemed deeper and darker than usual, almost as if they were looking right through you. 

"Malka sends her love, and a discounted price on your goodies. I think she likes you guys more than me sometimes and she hasn't even met any of you. I only get a 10% off every once in a great while, and look at you! 5% off every bag of this I buy."

When you reached in for one more handful, the largest, blackest of the crows came right up to your leg and stood there peering up at you. They'd never been this close before and in an instinctual motion you reached your hand down and it began to eat from your palm. It was a most surreal feeling. These crows were gorgeous with their feathers catching the sunlight just right, casting sprays of blues and greens through the otherwise ebony color of their plumage. You stayed still as it finished what was in your hand and slowly stood back up.

It hopped back over to the rest of the group and you stood there slightly numb in awe. But, you couldn't dwell on it long since you needed to get back to Alcina. Scattering the last of the bag you left them there in their silence as they watched you leave. You waved graciously, internally looking forward to more close encounters of your feathered kind.

Watching Alcina cook in your kitchen was a sight like no other.

She may have played it off like she hadn't cooked in ages, and sure ok yeah it was likely true, but she may as well have been a professional chef the way she had everything down to a T.

Humming a familiar tune, Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller, as she worked, before you knew it you had a plate of the most scrumptious looking pasta you'd ever seen in your life in front of you.

The taste was just as wonderful.

"Ok, what the fuck Alcina," you mumbled through a bite, "this is the yummiest dinner ever."

Rolling her eyes lovingly, she shook her head, "it's only because you know I made it, draga mea."

"Mmmno, pretty sure this is the most bomb pasta ever in creation. I can't thank you enough, it's so good!"

"Well, you're welcome. Eat, I'll clean up."

"Ah ah, I'll clean; you cooked I clean, that's the deal. Sit with me."

Your glee was worth every stupid cooking lesson her mother put her through as a child.

"Is it dark yet?"

Alcina's voice found you peeking through the black out curtain in the kitchen while she was still in the bedroom.

The sun was indeed falling beyond the horizon, which meant the pending exit of your lover.

"Almost," you replied softly, making your way back into your room.

She looked relaxed and wholesome there stretched out on your bed. You slipped yourself back into her arms and her lips pressed a kiss to the top of your head, yours pressed to her collarbone and closed your eyes.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" you asked mutedly.

Alcina stroked your back while trying to find the answer. After a few bloated seconds and the obvious answer like Sunday seemed not what you were hinting for, finally defeated she replied; "no, what?"

"November 4th."

It took her another moment to understand what exactly you meant by that, then it hit her with a harsh pause. 

Her birthday.

"You'll be... 110, right?" you asked softly, the question itself odder than the reality of it all.

The woman in your arms was over 100 years old. Looked not a day over 40. An immortal goddess, a rarity that you thought to be no more than pure fiction. And yet, she was as real as you, as deep as you, as complex and simple, just like you. You'd never tire of the wonder she left you in.

"You should never speak a ladies age out loud you know," she jested as she watched you rise from your position, "but... yes... yes, I'll be 110."

In truth, the years that had flown and simultaneously drug by seemed edgeless, undefined; strung together like a mangled web with no end or beginning. Some of it a blur, other bits of it stark and sharp in her memory. She didn't feel any age at all any longer, and when she looked upon herself in the mirror it kept the illusion that time had indeed stilled alive. But now you were very prominent in her life and your time did not pass the way hers did, and suddenly that familiar bitterness of never having enough time slathered itself on her tongue.

She was lost in a rogue thought, you could see it, but she was so fucking beautiful you wanted to cry.

You sighed, "I got you something."

Hopping up and out of the bed quickly you went to your desk, pulled open a drawer and retrieved a lovely silver wrapped oblong box, "I wasn't sure if I'd get to see you tomorrow so I'm glad this all happened the way it did, even though it was not ideal, you know the whole -" you gestured vaguely, "getting stranded," you laughed, "but... at least I can give this to you now, on time."

Watching you come back to her with the box in your hands, Alcina was silently defeated by your generosity and overall loving, caring nature.

"Draga, you didn't -"

"Shhh, I don't want any of that 'you didn't need to' stuff. I wanted to, so I did."

Alcina took the article and carefully grazed her fingertips over the silver wrapping, undoing a corner and quickly stripping it from the dark brown box beneath it. As she opened the lid, there inside was a brand-new pair of black leather gloves with her initials stitched delicately on the wrist in dark red lettering. They were beautiful, and by the feel of them, not cheap.

"Draga mea," she whispered breathlessly as she peered up at you, "they're - they're perfect, I love them... Th-thank you, so much."

Shrugging with a decent bit of pride in your chest, you watched her examine the gift with comfort, "it's going to be winter soon, and since I just can't part with the pair you left, it was only right for me to replace them."

She looked up just in time to watch you reach for her shoulders and push her back to the mattress, your thighs straddling her hips as you leaned down to her ear to press hot, sultry kisses along her neck and jawline.

"And when I see you again..." you whispered against the shell of her ear, "you can have the rest of your present."

Alcina growled warningly as she confined you in her arms, her own tongue flicking out to lick at your earlobe, "denying me, are you?"

Your spine shuddered, "not all of it," you teased, arching your neck towards her mouth, "just using some leverage to entice you to visit me sooner than later."

Rude. You had learned from her too well.

Grasping the back of your head, Alcina sank her teeth into your neck and drank from you vigorously, your moans and whines stoking every fire in her soul. She hated that she had to leave you and she hated what she had to go back to even more. But she had this, and you, right now, and for that she was grateful beyond measure. Your love and the love she bore for you helped her spur on the drive she needed to keep going and end the antagonists keeping you apart.

As Alcina stepped out into the dark, crisp, nipping air, the chill of what awaited her under the city would be similarly biting. Yet a smile remained on her face as the events of today replayed slowly for her. You were everything she never knew she needed and today was tell-tale proof just how much she was in love with you. Everything in your nature fed her long dormant human nature that she'd forgotten she'd loved and missed. 

You were warm. 

And she felt even warmer still, and secure, with your gloves fitted perfectly to her long slender hands. Something of you she could carry proudly with her anywhere she went.

[saint-orion]

I really don't have a title for this story but I'm gonna post it bc I never post here and I feel like this is a good way of getting my writing out there. This is just the prologue tbh but any feedback would chill and cool

<----------->

Between good and evil there lies man, who, in his own right, can be either one as he pleases. It’s considered a privilege, really, as not even animals can differentiate the two, simply relying on instincts to keep themselves alive. Man can nurture good intent, or become a brazen display of unholiness. Many believe that humans were evil to begin with, while others believe they were good to start off with. Mateo Correia chose to try to be a good man, helping wherever he saw fit, earning his way up to being a young deputy within the town of Blackberry. His mother had always told him to follow in faith with the good Lord, and help those in need. He carried this faith well into his young adult years, helping lock away criminals who had done horrible things to innocent people. He did his best, and even now, as he walked the streets of Blackberry, he looked out for his community. The sheriff was a mean bastard, someone Mateo quickly learned was not exactly fit to run the law, but he kept quiet. The nights in Sunflower could be wildly different. Some nights it was rainy, others cold, like today, and the young man drew his hands up towards his face, attempting to keep warm as he tried making his way towards the station. The streets were empty, most of the street lamps dimming out as he made his way towards the train station, his eyes scanning for any newcomers. This was his routine, of course, watching from a distance at exactly 9 o'clock. An older woman, wearing neat and tidy clothes, with a young boy in tow. A gentleman holding presumably his wife by the arm, and then a lone stranger, whom he had never seen leave the train before. Mateo had vaguely seen him come in and out of town before on his own, not knowing much about him besides what the general store owner had told him. Odd news to be getting off a train this late at night, but Mateo shrugged it off, turning towards his horse, a fine Tennesee Walker he had affectionately named Pepper. Nearby on the same hitch was a sturdy looking horse, far larger than even Mateo. It was a chestnut brown color, and as Mateo admired the strong creature, its owner had already hopped on. It was the same stranger from earlier, and Mateo got a look at him for the first time. Under a wide brimmed hat was wispy ginger hair, a sharp face, and the coldest blue eyes he had ever seen. In a way it unnerved him, how quickly the stranger had made his way over here, but he shrugged off the feeling, acknowledging the man with a simple nod. The man looked around for a split second, his eyes flashing with something he couldn’t place a word on, nod curtly before racing off into the night. Something about the man stirred something, like Mateo had maybe seen him before outside of town, and as he made his way back towards the Sheriff's office, he stopped to gaze at the moon, the sound of the train pulling away bringing him to his senses. The cold air was still as Mateo breathed, vaguely detecting the smell of cigarettes, rain, and maybe even alcohol within the streets of Blackberry. He thought for a moment, his mind searching for answers to the nagging insistence of knowing the stranger from somewhere.

“Piensa, Mateo… where do you know him from?” Mumbling to himself, he continued on, wracking his brain to figure it out. The eyes are what had caught him off guard, and as he approached the office, he breathed yet again, stepping inside and relishing the small bit of warmth the office gave him. The sheriff, whom he only knew as John, was asleep at his desk, a bottle of whiskey next to him. Mateo shook his head in disgust, wondering what the hell the man had done to receive the title of sheriff, and as he drew his hands along the old wooden walls, his eyes landed on the board they used to track bounties, criminals, and other things. One such poster was a newspaper clipping from a few weeks back, the headline reading something along the lines of a wealthy woman gone missing. As his eyes scanned the board, he noticed one particular wanted poster that had been covered by other bounties, and something told to look. He pulled the paper down, eyes scanning the paper, which read:

WANTED

MADDOX “HELLRIDER” CALLAHAN

REWARD $20,000

WANTED FOR CRIMES IN THE STATE OF DESMOINE,NEW LINCOLN, AND MONTARIO

LAST SEEN HEADED TOWARDS NEW LINCOLN BORDER

Mateo stopped the minute his eyes saw who the wanted poster was after. A famed outlaw, known for robbing banks and trains within all the neighboring states, and his picture was printed underneath it all. Mateo sucked in a breath, feeling dizzy… Maddox Callahan had the same eyes as the stranger, and he had let him get away.

[thefvrious]

@ghostsxagain said -> “ i don’t really smile much. not unless you’re around, it seems. ”

Linking up with Marco Kane had been the best career move Mateo could've made. He was struggling, going belly-up on his own because he funneled too many of his resources into his mother's cold case. But Marco was smart, casual, frugal. Things had been on the up-and-up since they started taking cases, more or less, together. They didn't always work the same cases, no, but it was nice to sit in the little office with someone else -- bounce ideas, have a sounding board. Not only that, but Marco's presence made Mateo take pause concerning his own demons. Mama could wait, he told himself. There was no use in suffering for a thirty year old case he may never get to the bottom of.

The statement took Teo off-guard, his brow furrowing as he regarded Marco and unwound the words. "No?" He said, warm brown eyes flickering over the other's handsome countenance. He could swear Marco was full of smiles, but... maybe that was just Mateo. And what did that mean? "You think I'm funny or something?" He asked, scrubbing a hand over his scruffy face before lifting his coffee mug and taking a sip. The contents were a cold dredge but it kept him busy, kept him from saying or doing anything stupid that he might regret. Mateo had a knack for misinterpreting even the most simple of conversations, always twisting the words until they meant something else, until the conversation turned into something new in his mind. "Glad I can help, Marco. You got a great smile. Everyone should have the opportunity to see it."

[markuroarts]

THE MONTH OF MAY WAS THE BEST SO FAR.

I just want to share some highlights of my life for the month of May hoping that it might inspire other artists or aspiring artists just like me who took courage in freelancing.

1. This month was my highest in terms of income as an artist. In doing illustrations, pixel art, voxel assets, posters, etc, I've earned around 42k. Tho there's a possibility that it's just a spike, but at least I have living proof that it's possible to surpass my previous salary when I was an employed designer. With this, I can plan ahead carefully so that somehow it could stay within its range.

2. Became the lead artist of Pokeverse with the referral of XOVOX LABS. With 3 months to draw and design everything, it feels good to see your artwork printed throughout the event. I am very thankful to be part of this event despite the "community" issues thrown around them.

3. I've been working with What's Your Point since January, and this month I was promoted from being a Graphic Designer of Quote Posters to an Illustrator for their comics. This couple are the most humble clients, or should I say friends, that I've worked with. WYP is the backbone of my freelancing and will continue to work with them as long as they need me.

4. With connections to WYP, I was referred to as an artist for a Twitch Streamer from Japan named RYEPUNZEL. I've been doing streaming assets for myself but this is the first time that I'll be doing it for someone else and as a side hustle. So far, she's been asking me for more assets after another, which means more profit for me.

5. I was able to give my son, Viggo, a pool party in a private resort. TBH I wasn't sure if I got enough to provide everything for his birthday, but I guess luck was brought by the wind and gave enough to make it happen. Of course, this would not be possible as well without the help of our family and friends.

6. I've been supporting my partner for a year now with her studies in the Alternative Learning System - San Mateo. It was a daily challenge for us in terms of expenses, finishing multiple modules, and balancing our time as a family. But with perseverance, after more than a decade, she finally graduated.

7. My dream of selling physical copies of my artworks is finally coming to reality. In collaboration with the WYP team, we've created a pixel art/fanart Sintra board called "PixoPop". Wall displays that are perfect for collectors who have shrines/altars of collectibles. There's a big chance that you will see them at an upcoming Toy Convention in the Philippines, hopefully!

8. Last but not the least, the MANANAYAW SHIRTS! I did not expect that I would still sell Dance-related apparel since I assume everyone knows that I am transitioning from a performing artist to a visual artist. But Rommel Domingo was entrusted with a brand that was very popular before. My stocks for Mananayaw Shirt are now SOLD OUT! and now I, Stylez Apparel, WYP, and Rommel are planning an event around the last week of June or the first week of July.

A lot of great things happened despite of challenges in life. Honestly, I am not sure if I would still earn this much for this month but at least I am living a dream as an artist because I am earning from doing what I love and at least being able to provide and support my family. I have to ride the flow with expectations of reality but hopeful with plans and goals. I've been in a tough spot financially as an artist before, so if anyone is reading this that had gone through a rocky road, you can still do it. Naive it may sound but as long as you are doing what you love and plan to improve it, new doors will open regardless of a number of doors that closed before. You just need 1 good door that will lead you to countless opportunities. Let's do art and be hopeful!

[melofanish]

Through Rivers of Family Blood

Have Me, Have You, Have Us

Summary:  Carlos slings his bag over his shoulder, sighing as he barely resists slamming the car door and jogging up the short stairs to the gym. It's his day off, and even though he's meeting with TK later on and that should have him in a good mood, he’s on edge, tethering the line to downright pain and anger, so he figured he could relearn whatever skills he might have forgotten over the past few years while punching his frustrations out rather than stew in his resentment.

Carlos can’t stop the booming laugh he lets out as he stands up, as Marjan drags him to his own car. She will never replace Dora - no one will ever be able to - but Carlos is starting to think that maybe he’s earned himself a younger sister, even though Marjan claims otherwise.

-Chapter Two of Have Me, Have You, Have Us.

Tags: Carlos Reyes, TK Strand, Paul Strickland, Marjan Marwani, Mateo Chavez, Judd Ryder, Owen Strand, Michelle Blake, Original Female Character, Original Male Character, Developing Friendship.

Warnings: Light emotional angst.

Beta: The owner of my soul @lire-casander. There’s literally no words to explain how much help this woman has been. She’s sat through me screaming cause of lack of inspiration, she’s been a sounding board as I threw messes of ideas at her, and then somehow made sense of all of them. This would not have been done without her, and I’m forever grateful.

Chapter 1

Read on AO3.

---

Chapter 2: Marjan: Through Rivers of Family Blood.

Carlos slings his bag over his shoulder, sighing as he barely resists slamming the car door and jogging up the short stairs to the gym. It's his day off, and even though he's meeting with TK later on and that should have him in a good mood, he’s on edge, tethering the line to downright pain and anger, so he figured he could relearn whatever skills he might have forgotten over the past few years while punching his frustrations out rather than stew in his resentment.

His sister hasn’t been approved for time off. And neither has he. Which means they’re going to enter their third year of not meeting face-to-face. And he’s much more discouraged by it than he thought he could ever be. It hurts even more that they were going to go on a weekend vacation together - Dora was finally meeting TK in person - and the image of waking up to the two most important people talking and laughing together takes a step back, resigning to be unfulfilled in a yet again unknown timeline.

So he marches in and stands in line to the counter, getting the formalities over as fast as possible. He was hoping he could catch a quick run on a treadmill before the kickboxing class that he’s here for, but he’s barely fifteen minutes early, and he knows that’s not enough time - it still doesn’t stop him from longing for the burn that would spread across his thighs as he pushes himself harder than he should.

As he hands his membership card and is given the sign-in paper, somehow, even through the blurriness that's clogging up his mind right now, he notices 'Marjan Marwani' two rows over his own name.

A slight frown takes over his features before it clears up quickly. He remembers Marjan and Paul mentioning that they workout together. He just didn't think that he'd meet someone he knows his first day in a new gym.

He just about hands the paper board back when he feels a pat over his arm. He turns around to none other than a smirking Marjan.

"Here to show off your muscles to TK?"

Like a magic spell, Carlos laughs - for the first time today - Marjan bringing a quick lightness to his world. He shakes his head and follows Marjan when she motions towards the locker area with a flick of her head.

"Hello to you too, I'm very well, thank you very much for asking," he says, which Marjan rolls her eyes at, but he pays her no mind, and keeps going, "How's yourself I wonder? I hope all is well?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, Mr. Polite Texan Gentleman."

It's Carlos' turn to groan now. The crew saw him open the car door for TK once, and, apparently, the nickname has become a thing.

"Just wanted to kill a little time since I have nothing else to do,” he chooses to ignore her and explain instead, continuing when she raises an eyebrow at him. “Captain Strand has a hospital appointment today, so TK's over there with him," he elaborates.

Marjan lets out a sympathetic hum, frowning as she undoubtedly racks her mind for any mention of this session. He knows she won't find it. He confirms that no one knows about it when she asks.

"Damned Strands and their need to internalise everything," she huffs. And Carlos can't help but snort in agreement, even if he thinks he’s somewhat a hypocrite at this specific moment.

"I'd much rather punch the frustration out," she continues, and that is something Carlos finds himself agreeing with yet again.

"Which class are you taking?"

"Kickboxing," Marjan says, pulling up her arms in a classic defensive stance. “Started when I still was in Miami, and moved to this location since I moved here.”

"Oh, it’s my first class today!" he exclaims as he raises a fist to bump it to hers.

He hasn’t kickboxed in years, and he’s never been to this specific gym. He’s always been highly sceptical of it as a whole; it’s a famous chain with branches all over the country, and this specific branch is giant. Carlos would pass by it and wonder why it’s so large, why it takes up so much space. Knowing that Marjan has been a regular attendant brings a sense of relief. The fact that the recommendation came from his sister - she goes to the same gym in New Jersey - meant that he’d at least give it a try before deciding anything against it.

They fall into an easy silence as they walk to the locker areas, branching off to different sides when Marjan enters the Female-Only section of the lockers with a promise to meet him outside once she’s changed.

He hurries to the lockers, following the numbers until he gets to his assigned compartment for the day. He had caught a shower at home right before he left, so all he has to do now is change from his casual sweatpants and t-shirt into his workout gear. Which means that he barely needs five minutes before he’s leaving the locker room to find a seat in the lounge area.

Except that he must have miscalculated the time, because the moment he sets foot into the lounge area, the speakers come to life, announcing the end of the current classes and asking all attendants of the next class to make their way towards their designated halls.

So Carlos turns himself right back around, looking around the open hall for a moment trying to find the room that he’s supposed to go to before he finds the needed label and arrow, and follows them down a long hall.

He ends in a large hall, the entire front wall lined by mirrors, and what looks like an audio station shelf in one corner, a couple of headsets hanging from the corner. There are long benches that surround both sides and tables at the very end of said benches, water bottles and towels laid down across the top. The entire floor is lined with foam flooring, tape lines stretched across, marking squares where everyone has gone to stand. There are multiple sizes of punching bags both sitting on the floor and hanging from the ceiling.

Carlos can’t help the shocked expression he knows he must be making. He didn’t expect the gym to be as well furnished as it is. Especially not with the number of classes that they offer. And yet, as he stands in what is the best kickboxing hall he has ever set foot in, he can’t help but think that he might have found his new favourite gym.

He makes his way to an empty square, placing his water bottle on the ground at the edge of his border before standing in the middle. He starts cracking his joints, turning his neck both ways and folding his fingers in to get into the mindset for what he’s about to do.

Carlos would never call himself out of shape, but he is aware that he has lost much of his kickboxing abilities throughout the years. It started as a way to destress when he was a teenager, a safe and useful mechanism that helped him relieve his frustrations while keeping him healthy. As he grew older, it stopped being a coping mechanism and swung to being a sport. Unfortunately, once he graduated from the Academy and was a full-fledged officer at APD, free days came by less and less, forcing him to eventually give up the sport altogether.

So, when Dora informed him of this new program that had multiple classes throughout the week and the ability for its attendees to catch any of the week’s scheduled classes as long as they book a minimum of twenty-four-hours earlier, he knew it was a chance he couldn’t miss up.

Still, a breath of relief filled his chest at the sight of Marjan coming to stand next to him. He throws a grateful smile her way, and she responds with a low chuckle and a shake of her head. He's about to retaliate in a way, maybe take a page out of TK's book and stick his tongue out at her, when the coaches at the front of the room call the class to attention.

With a final shared grin, they both look ahead, listening as they explain the goal of the class and the plan of the day and the upcoming six weeks.

Marjan was not supposed to kick his ass the way she did.

It's not that he doesn't think she's fit or strong; she's a firefighter - and an adrenaline junkie - so he knows she's on top of her physical health.

It's just that Carlos thought that he was on top of his own physical health. And it turned out that he was wrong. So very wrong.

He noticed that while Marjan was walking with a spring in her step, arms swinging wide around her, he was limping out, holding his shoulder close to his torso after a particularly rough tackle that he didn't defend well enough.

Even now, after he's gotten a quick shower and is getting dressed in the locker room, he's starting to see bruises flourish and darken his skin, each one a testament to something he didn't do right.

Some part of him blames it on his distraction. He wasn’t exactly focused on following the tiniest of details, and maybe he wanted to get bruised and beat up a little. He hasn’t used working out as a way to disguise his emotional distress in quite a few years. And yet, as he pokes one particularly visible bruise, the blood starting to pool in distinct dark discolouration spreading across the lower edge of his ribs, he can’t help but think that his distraction wasn’t at fault here, and he’s just fallen back into older less-than-ideal coping mechanisms.

With a groan, he finishes dressing up, grabs his bag and makes his way towards the front desk.

Once he has given the locker keys back and received his membership card in return, he's out of the door. He finds himself stopping right in the middle of the parking lot, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. It doesn't fill him up like a breath of fresh air should - not that a parking lot has fresh air to begin with. But while he was expecting some relief, he finds that gets none. His shoulders are still tense, his mood still sour.

Letting out a small sigh and making a quick split second decision, he starts moving to the juice bar at the corner of the street, determined to grab a juice to go and wallow in his misery at home.

It’s a small shack right around the edge of the street that has made a magnificent business out of selling a variety of coffees, juices and post-workout drinks. The place is so tiny, it barely houses any sitting arrangement indoors, which works wonderfully when most of their regulars take their drinks to go anyway. Those who do want to sit for a moment though will find a rather large spread of benches on the terrace. It’s one of Carlos’ favourite places. The fact that it's locally owned makes it all the better.

It's on the terrace that he notices - while waiting for his drink to be prepared - a turban in the very far end of the outdoor sitting area. Immediately, he realises that he knows that turban. He knows the style and colour. Simply because he was just with Marjan. And now she's here, sitting alone, on a bench, staring at the small expanse of greenery and the parking lot ahead of her. His trance is broken when his name is called. Picking up the drink, he looks over and starts to make his way towards his car, only to stop a few steps later.

A frown starts to deepen on his forehead the more he stares at her. All the times he's met her, Marjan has always been a bright entity. Always smiling, eyes glittering with happiness and mischief. And yet as he looks at her now he finds that she seems… dull.

The worry has him abandoning his initial plan and moving towards her instead. He might be in a sad mood, but he'll be damned if that stops him from acting on his concern.

"Got space for one more person?" he asks once he's next to her. His suspicions that her mind is occupied elsewhere are confirmed when she looks up at him with wide, startled eyes. A few moments later - once she realises who is talking to her - she graces him with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and a nod of her head.

Still, he takes the permission and plants himself next to her, drink in his hand.

The initial silence is comfortable, aided by the cooling effect that the juice had on his throat and the light breeze on his bruised body. And yet, it's heavy. Marjan is one of the firefighters he hasn't gotten many one-on-one interactions with. She’s a major part of their hangouts, and while they are friendly with one another, he hasn’t had the chance to know her better.

He's standing on uneven and unknown grounds with her. He wants to talk to her, ask if he can help. He just doesn't know how to. But the longer he takes to come up with something, the more awkward the air around them becomes, and the harder it is to speak.

So they sit in silence instead, while Carlos still tries to think of something. How it’s possible that there isn’t a single topic popping in his mind comes as a shock to him.

The silence seems to be choking Marjan as well, because she groans and drops her head into her hands. Carlos looks at her for a moment, before he slides a foot or so across the bench, inching closer to the seemingly troubled woman next to him.

"You okay?" he whispers, hands playing with the straw of his drink. Marjan sighs, so he turns his head to look at her.

She doesn’t look at him. Her head is angled upwards, eyes closed as the wind gently blows on their faces.

"You know, usually I’d talk to Paul, Mateo, or TK,” she whispers so low that Carlos has to lean towards her a little, “hell, maybe even Judd. But they’re just, they mean well. But they also feel the need to give advice and help out. And sometimes, I just want to rant about stuff and listen to them rant. And at the end of the talk, I want to not have a solution for anything."

Carlos hums, pondering over her words for a moment. He knows that the 126 have gotten close - they've been through the wringer one too many times not to be. He's also been in the position where he was the one being given advice. Even when it wasn't solicited.

He knows it's out of good intentions, they want to help, and advice is a way to do that. But so is just listening.

"Well," Carlos starts, placing his drink down on the bench next to him, "I'm here to silently listen if you want."

Marjan flats him with a raised eyebrow, the questioning challenge clear in her eyes. When Carlos doesn't budge, she looks away with a sigh.

"It's a two-way street, man. If I rant, you'll have to rant about whatever put that frown on your face too," she says as she leans back on the bench, stretching her legs ahead of her.

Carlos shoots her a shocked look, not aware that his own bitter feelings had been so clear to an outsider. Marjan seems to read his shock too though, "I could see you brooding from a whole mile away, Carlos," she explains with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, let's mend one sad soul at a time," he shrugs at her, waving her worries with a flick of his hands.

Marjan glares at him for a moment. But he’s been around her enough to know that this isn’t one of her judgemental or annoyed glares, this is more of a playful and teasing glare. He replies to it with a wide grin, and she reciprocates with a shake of her head and a soft smile.

“I miss my family,” she says after a sigh, all pretences of strength draining out of her. “I just, every time I think things are good and I start to savour life, something happens with them while I’m here and I start to think I let you down, mama and baba, and I just, I miss them.”

Carlos nods his head in understanding, the feeling somewhat familiar to him. But he doesn't speak, he lets Marjan rant, the way she seems to truly need.

“Like, my parents did raise us to go all out and be independent and live our lives for us,” she says as she gestures ahead of her. “But I guess I also just always thought I’d have them with me while I live life. And now I’m here and I’m on the move, and they’re not, they’re sitting at home catching up on their rest and their health.”

Carlos stays in his place, listening intently to each phrase Marjan is saying. Her words all run across scars he's had to deal with in the past, and they make him yearn for a time when he had his entire family under one roof.

“Did you know that my dad has been diabetic, on insulin, for a year and I had no idea?!” she exclaims, waving her hands around her head. “None at all! I don’t even think he was ever planning to tell me. I just happened to Facetime my mom one day just as he was giving himself an injection in the background.”

She pauses for a moment, dropping her head to rest her chin onto her chest, and Carlos thinks she might have gotten everything off her chest. But he’s proven wrong moments later when she lifts her head.

"And it's not just my parents. My younger sister, Yara, the fifteen-year-old one, she has grown so much during the past year I've been here. And I've missed a lot of what makes her who she is. And now, when I talk to her, there's nothing to talk about. I don't know what she likes and doesn't like, what shows she watches and what foods she enjoys and what career she wants to pursue." She stops for a moment to catch her breath, before she keeps going at it with the same passion as before.

“And my eighteen-year-old brother, Karim? We used to do everything together, he was my best friend when I was younger, and now? We could go for literal weeks without speaking. And I just,” she pauses to sigh, “I just miss the simpler times, you know? Waking up to have breakfast together, going to school, coming back to have lunch together, doing my homework quick and early to watch some dumb show with my entire family while we have dinner together, I just miss them all.”

She stops for a moment, her hands coming to rest in her lap as she whispers, “Is it supposed to look like this?”

This time feels like this is an actual question, rather than a rant, so Carlos turns to Marjan, raising an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“Adulthood,” she groans, throwing her hands in the sky. “This whole I’m an adult and I need to leave my family and I must transcend the world on my own. I want to live and go through the world and still go back home to them, you know?”

Marjan stops talking for a moment, eyes on Carlos before she frowns and trails her eyes away. Carlos keeps his own gaze on her, waiting as she comes to a conclusion to whatever question is obviously racking her mind.

"Do you?" She asks then.

Carlos has to blink a few times, certain that he missed something.

"Do I what?"

"Do you know what it's like to leave your family? I just realised I have no idea if you have siblings or where your parents are or anything."

"I… Well… I’m the younger one, so my sister left for college first, and she still works far away, so, I guess?" he questions, unsure if his answer is what she was looking for and trying to conceal his pain with confusion.

It seems to work because a wide smile breaks over Marjan's face as she turns to face Carlos completely, bending one leg under her.

"You have a sister?! I never knew!" she exclaims as she does a full one-eighty, going from hurt and frowning to eyes wide with curiosity.

"Yeah, one sister."

Marjan stares at him with wide eyes for a few moments. "And? Tell me about her!" she demands when he doesn't say anything else, making a “go on” gesture with her hand.

An easy smile takes over Carlos' face, even as he breaks eye contact to shake his head in amusement.

"Well, her name is Dora, she's four years older. And she's kinda my favourite person in the world, but don't tell her I said that," he threatens with a pointed finger.

It brings a chuckle out of Marjan, but she still mimics a zipper closing over her lips.

"Dora and Carlos Reyes, huh?"

"Well, kinda. Her full name is Isadora," he explains, continuing when she both frowns in confusion and nods in encouragement. “I saw her wearing a pink shirt one day, and she had a bowl cut like most kids of the early nineties, and my two-year-old self decided that she looked like Dora the Explorer,” he smiles as understanding starts to take over Marjan’s features.

“Isadora in a pink shirt and a bowl cut, it’s only a natural progression that you get to Dora.”

“Exactly!”

Marjan sits back on the bench, a laugh filling the space between them. She pulls to a side and grabs her drink, Carlos copying her when she brings the straw to her mouth. Silence follows as they gulp down their now warm drinks in quick sips, trying to catch up to the last thread of coldness.

This entire situation reminds him of his own self some ten years ago, when Dora first-ever left for college. He remembers how heartbroken he was, how he felt abandoned. He knew she was leaving for her future, and that he would undoubtedly do the same. But his fourteen-year-old self was still extremely offended and hurt, no matter how illogical it was.

“Do you miss her?” Marjan asks just as he realises that she finished her drink first, and has put down the empty cup beside her. “I mean, if she’s four years older, then she graduated at least eight, nine years ago, and she isn’t here, is she?” She asks, continuing when Carlos answers with a shake of his head. “Did it ever feel like she abandoned you?”

Carlos hums for a moment, trying to figure out how he���s supposed to control his emotions when Marjan puts it like that. It doesn’t help that he can’t really tell who she is asking about. But he wants to answer her in a way that’s both honest and gentle.

“Are you asking me about me, or asking me for your siblings?” he asks, figuring he doesn't need to assume when he can get the answer almost instantaneously.

Marjan snorts, shaking her head as she takes a deep breath and lets it out in a slow sigh.

“You’re too smart for your own self, Reyes,” she grumbles before she concedes, “I don’t know. Both, I guess?”

“Well, I can only speak for myself when I say that I did feel abandoned. I was so sad and angry at her that I didn’t really talk to her properly for the first few months, even though she kept trying and calling and adding me on social media," he starts to explain, taking a moment to think of the best phrasing. "Home was her, my dad and I, and when she left, she somehow ruined our home."

He shrugs as he stops, the memories of how hurt he was coming back to him, mixing with how hurt he feels right now.

“But after a while, she just kinda messaged me less, and we weren’t that close-knit unit we were anymore.” He feels the earlier bubble of anger return, but this time at his past self, at how he was so angry that he did things that are just so stupid.

“Yeah, that sounds very familiar right now,” Marjan sighs. "Are you guys in contact now? Or has it been that way ever since?"

"No!" he almost screams in his haste to correct Marjan, the sole idea of being on non-speaking terms with his sister leaving a sour taste in his mouth. "No, no, God,no, we're good now, we're best friends, we're proper close," he assures her, crossing his index and middle finger together.

"So how did you go from not talking for months to being best friends?"

"This is tethering on advice-giving, Marjan," he teases, raising an eyebrow at her and chuckling when she rolls her eyes at him. He can’t help but chuckle at how he seems to be getting the full blast of the Marwani Eye Rolls today.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm done ranting, I'm now asking for advice. I heard you gave Paul amazing words that started his journey with the mystery bar lady, so share that wisdom, Reyes," she huffs in feigned annoyance, much to Carlos' amusement. He knows that Paul has been making progress with Bar-Lady, but he's been keeping it under wraps lest it gets jinxed and falls apart, and Carlos has been respecting his wishes, refusing to say anything about their conversation or the events leading up to Paul approaching her.

Carlos reaches a hand to Marjan, grabbing her cup and getting up to throw the trash into the bin. Even though it's covered as environmental care, it's a way for him to catch his breath and organise his thoughts. And from the soft look Marjan gives him when he turns around, she knows that as well.

Still, she doesn't say a word even when he sits back down, giving him his space as he stretches his legs and finds a comfortable position on the bench. After a couple of minutes of silence, he finally turns to face Marjan.

"So, when my sister left, I was really hurt. Dora and my dad are all I've had, they were my entire world. In my head, she left our family and somehow that meant that it was broken," he begins, recalling how his joy over her getting into her dream college was quickly shattered when he realised how far away she'd be. "And at fourteen, I didn't know how to express that pain, so I just stopped talking to her."

"Now that I'm older, I think that I did that to hurt her back." He remembers when he came to that conclusion many years after the event was done and gone. "I knew how much our relationship meant to her, and I think I wanted her to know how it feels to be left, the same way she left me."

He sneaks a glance at Marjan, finding a guilty frown on her face. He wishes there was an easier way to say what he has to say, but it's one of those things that can't be sugar-coated.

"To be fair to her, she did keep trying. She was always calling and messaging me, asking about school and sports and TV shows. And I was sad and snappy, giving her short replies or single word answers. Sometimes I'd leave her on read just out of spite."

The memories are somewhat fuzzy in his mind, those months something he'd rather forget. But he still remembers how he'd race into his room after school, turn on his computer, open Facebook, read the message, only to exit the website again.

He'd give young Carlos a good slap up the back of the head if he could.

"It wasn't until one day, a couple of weeks before her first spring break, I got home earlier than usual. And I walked into my dad in the kitchen, talking to Dora on speaker. The first thing I had registered was how hurt she sounded," he recalls the absolute agony in her voice, the defeat, the resignation. "I was about to run in, ask what was wrong, when I heard her say I just don't know what to do, Papa, he won't talk to me, and I miss him so much."

He stops for a moment, he needs to, his voice just on the verge of cracking on that last word. It's a stark reminder of the rush of emotions he felt all those years ago, when he first overheard that conversation.

"I think I needed to hear that, though. To hear that she missed me too and to realise how hurt she was by leaving. I pretended I didn't hear anything, and just snuck up to my room. Except that now, I knew exactly how she felt. I knew that she was hurt too, but it didn't feel good. I didn't feel satisfied because she missed me. I just felt like I had lost her."

"A few days later, I went downstairs to my dad, and asked him if Dora would ever forgive me." The mention of his dad forces a smile out of him, and how he was so distressed that he just had to seek his dad's wisdom. "I think he tried to play it subtle at first, asking what I meant. But when he realised how affected I truly was, he quickly laid the truth down for me."

He can tell that Marjan is hanging onto every word he says.

"He told me that Dora laughed every time I hit a milestone and cried every time I got hurt. She wasn't going to hate me just because I didn’t talk to her for a few months. But that didn't mean that I was off the hook. The ball was in the middle of the court, and I had the chance to take the first step to make things right," he shrugs, his dad's words running through his mind again.

His dad was gentle, the way he always had been, but he didn't lie to Carlos either. He made sure that Carlos knew that he was responsible for the hurt both he and Dora were going through. And no matter how he felt at the very beginning, the end result was still pain for both of them.

"So I did. The next time she texted, I replied. And then I called her, and she picked up. And, you know, it took time, but we got there. And now, we're best friends again. We're so close right now that the fact that she hasn't gotten approved for time off has put us both in the worst of bad moods."

Marjan sighs as he comes to a stop, turning around to fiddle with her rings. He thinks that part of it is giving him privacy to get his emotions under control - they both act in the same way in that they aren't overly emotional in front of just anyone, and he doesn't think they're at that level of vulnerability quite yet.

"So," Marjan says after a long moment of silence, "I just need to keep going at it? Keep trying until they see what’s been happening, then we’ll be best friends again, Yara, Karim and I, huh?"

”I mean, I don't know for sure. But yeah, I think so."

"You know," Marjan quips with a frown on her face and what he thinks is the beginning of hope in her eyes, "I think I heard Yara mention Marvel and Iron Man once, and Karim is super into video games these days. I'm no expert in either, but…"

"But interest is the first step. I don't think Dora understood a single word of all the Pokémon talk that I used to tell her, but it got us talking!"

Marjan hums, looking out ahead of her into the parking lot. There isn't something in particular that's worthy of attention, but Carlos finds himself staring at a random tree next to the juice bar.

There's a weirdly placed nest high up on one of the branches, a bird of some kind making trips back and forth between the nest and the street underneath. He's starting to wonder if birds feel sorrow when one of them leaves, when Marjan breaks his non-conventional train of thought.

"Well, that's my family drama," she sighs, turning towards him again, slinging her arm on the backrest and rests her head on top of her hand. "What are we going to do about your sister?"

"I don't know. Suffer in sadness, I guess," Carlos huffs. "There's nothing to be done. Neither one of us is getting approved for time off anytime soon."

The sad smile that Marjan gives him is exactly why he didn't want to meet anyone right after he got the news. The sympathy would only make him feel worse. Though, now that he got the frustration beat out of him, it covers him like a comforting blanket.

"Well, I know no one can replace your sister," Marjan says with a shrug and a suspiciously teasing smile, "but I can be your big sister until you meet her again."

The rapid blinking that Carlos' eyes do on their own accord is probably enough of a reaction, because Marjan stares at him for a few moments and then breaks into laughter, the happiness he's come to associate with the woman finally making itself visible.

"You're, you're younger than me!" he exclaims.

“That just doesn’t sound right, does it now?” Marjan quips, a smirk spreading on her face.

"It's literally a fact!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she says as she gets up off the bench, hooking an arm around his once Carlos is standing up. "Drive me home, baby brother."

Carlos can’t stop the booming laugh he lets out as he stands up, as Marjan drags him to his own car. She will never replace Dora - no one will ever be able to - but Carlos is starting to think that maybe he’s earned himself a younger sister, even though Marjan claims otherwise.

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (9/9)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~2.7k (this chapter) / 26,700 (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

Chapter Summary: We pick back up a few months after Jackie and Jan make their relationship official and Brooke Lynn and Vanessa set their sights on their future daughter. Everything finally falls into place.

-

Three Months Later

It was nearing the middle of January, in the midst of winter break. Katya, Jan, and Jackie were in Brooke Lynn and Vanessa’s apartment, busily decorating and making sure every little thing was in place according to the couple’s specific instructions. This was the day they had been anticipating for quite some time, after all.

The three of them were setting up for a welcome home party, as while they were doing so, Brooke and Vanessa were on their way home with their daughter. The papers were signed, the documents were made official, they were finally going to officially welcome Ana Sofia into their family.

Although it did feel like they already had her – the moms-to-be had talked about her at length, read them every detail of her biography until they could recite it from memory. She was three years old, half-White and half-Puerto Rican – when the two of them read that on her file, they thought it had to be fate. The story of the girl’s parents wasn’t uncommon, but it was a situation they could feel sympathy towards – a nineteen-year-old girl had been in a relationship with a man nearly twice her age, who left once he found out about her pregnancy, only for the young mother to find out the father was leaving the country. With his wife.

Brooke Lynn and Vanessa had been contacted by the woman while they were in the midst of the adoption process. She was kind and soft-spoken and it was clear she had only wanted the best for her biological child. They had agreed to visit the idea of allowing a relationship between her and Ana Sofia when she was old enough.

“God, she looked so young,” Brooke Lynn had said once they had left the meeting. “Like, shit, she was Jan’s age when she had her… that’s how old you were when we met.”

“Can you imagine if I was pregnant when we met?” Vanessa asked, shaking her head.

“With the number of men you’ve threatened to castrate? No, not really.”

But even though they had gone through all of the preparation, had meticulously completed every step, the day of their new daughter’s arrival felt unreal. After the bedroom had been painted and carpeted, after all sorts of toys and stuffed animals had been purchased, after every inch of the apartment was childproofed, wrapping their heads around finally bringing their little girl home felt hard to do.

It wasn’t the first time they had met her, of course. They’d been having supervised visits for nearly two months. They had bonded with Ana Sofia, they loved her. She’d met the people in their lives – Jan, Jackie, Katya, she even got to meet Brooke’s mother when she visited for Christmas and Vanessa’s when they went there for New Year’s Eve.

“You ready to go inside?” Brooke gently asked the little girl, though she was the most nervous out of the three of them.

Ana Sofia looked up with her big, brown eyes and nodded, one hand holding Brooke’s and the other carrying the bright pink teddy bear they had bought for her. “Yeah!”

Vanessa opened the door to a cheerful greeting of ‘welcome home!’ and looked at the way her new daughter’s eyes lit up with enthusiasm. She carried Ana Sofia’s suitcases into her bedroom, letting the young girl run around and greet everyone. “Go on and make yourself comfy, Sofie,” she encouraged.

It didn’t take long for Sofie to get acclimated to the apartment she had already started to get used to, winding up on the couch with their cat on her lap.

“How are you guys feeling?” Katya asked the new mothers. She was calm in a way that would otherwise be unnerving, but without the normal ulterior motives, it was a welcome change.

“I haven’t been this excited since our wedding day,” Brooke replied with a broad grin, her arm looping around Vanessa’s waist. “It feels like this is what everything was leading up to. Like we’re finally whole.”

Vanessa nodded in agreement. “You shoulda seen her when we picked her up and told her she was coming home for good. You’d think we live in Disneyland or something,” she chuckled.

Katya grinned. “I can’t begin to tell you two how proud I am. You’ve come such a long way from two kids struggling to confront how they felt about each other, I don’t think I’d have ever predicted this.”

“We wouldn’t have been able to without your flagrant disregard for our personal boundaries, so thank you for that,” Brooke teased. “Though I guess we did learn from the best as far as that goes,” she added, cocking her head towards Jan and Jackie.

“They were worse than us, you gotta admit,” Vanessa chimed in.

“Yes,” she conceded, “which isn’t an easy task with what a nightmare you guys were. But I think they’re in it for the long haul too.”

Jan and Jackie were sitting with Ana Sofia on the couch, talking animatedly about all of the fun things they would be able to do, how much they were looking forward to babysitting her.

“We have to take her to a show at some point,” Jan mused, “maybe f-r-o-z-e-n,” she spelled it out, knowing better than to say it in front of a child and set her off in excitement.

Jackie chuckled softly in amusement. “Yeah, maybe for her birthday,” she mused, then looked down, clearing her throat. “Baby… can I talk to you privately for a moment?”

Jan’s brows knitted in concern, but she nodded and got up, following her girlfriend into the guest room. “What’s up?”

“I was gonna wait until later, but I can’t wait any longer,” she replied, rocking back and forth on her feet. She was always so careful with her words, especially with Jan. But she’d also learned from Jan that sometimes it was best to be direct. “I want you to move in with me.”

There was a beat of silence, a surprised Jan needed a moment to process what's been said. But then a broad grin spread across her lips and she nodded brightly. “Okay,” she threw her arms around Jackie, “I’d love to.”

Jackie’s entire body relaxed as a wave of relief washed over her. “Great. Amazing. Perfect. We can go back to your parents’ place to pack up your things whenever you’re ready. I mean, I don’t wanna rush you or anything, but I think it’d make sense before the semester–”

Jan cut her off by kissing her deeply. “Baby, I love you, but you talk way too fucking much when you’re overthinking,” she chuckled. “My parents will be thrilled to not have to pay for room and board, they’ll happily cover my share of the rent. We can go tomorrow or over the weekend, whatever,” she assured and kissed her again. “Just relax, we’re doing this. Everything is fine.”

“You’re right,” she exhaled, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much.”

Their tender moment was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. “Y’all better not be behaving inappropriately during my baby’s party!” Vanessa yelled.

Jan giggled and opened the door. “We’re not,” she promised, even though Jackie was blushing. “Actually… Jackie just asked me to move in with her.”

Vanessa’s scowl was instantly replaced by a bright grin. “For real? Congrats!” She turned to yell into the main room, “Brooke Lynn! Jan and Jackie are moving in together!” She then dragged the couple back out, holding each of them by the wrist, not that either of them were putting up any resistance. They both knew better than that.

Brooke looked up, chuckling warmly at the enthusiasm her wife had for the couple. “You guys are moving in together? Congrats. We’d offer to help but, you know, very busy with the new child.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll coerce Gigi and Crystal to help us. They can be bribed with weed and snacks,” Jan replied with a shrug and a light laugh.

“Oh, are we finally getting proof that Crystal exists?” Brooke asked with a light laugh. It had become something of an ongoing joke – Gigi talked about her all the time, often relentlessly, but none of them, other than Jan, had ever met Crystal. And even though Jan had, she liked to play along for the sole purpose of annoying her friend.

Jan laughed and nodded. “I promise we’ll FaceTime you when we have her here in the flesh.”

------

Jackie caught her breath as she came back upstairs after taking a pile of boxes to load up in the back of Jan’s father’s van. “I still can’t get over how nice your parents’ house is,” she remarked as the two of them sat on the floor of Jan’s bedroom, folding her clothes to pack into boxes. “I know you said your family was well off, but damn.”

Jan shrugged and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s not something I try to make a big deal about,” she explained, then looked up when the door opened and let out a soft laugh. “There you are. We were starting to worry you two got lost.”

“In our defense,” Gigi said as she and Crystal walked in, “we’ve never made this commute before. And we warned you neither of us have any sense of direction.”

“The Amtrak and I are enemies now. But at least we got Krispy Kreme while we waited,” Crystal added cheerily.

Jackie chuckled lightly. “And you didn’t bring any? Rude,” she clicked her tongue then looked to Jan. “Don’t forget, we promised Brooke and Vanjie we’d call to let Gigi prove Crystal isn’t a figment of her imagination.”

“Can you really prove I’m not?”

Jan and Jackie giggled while Gigi rolled her eyes and waited for Jan to get her phone out, calling up Brooke Lynn on FaceTime.

“Hey hun,” Brooke greeted. She was sitting with Vanessa and Ana Sofia, the sound of cartoons playing in the background. “How’s the big move going?”

Jan pushed herself to her feet. “Can’t complain, we’re not making ourselves crazy considering it’s not too bad of a commute. For us, anyway,” she pointedly looked at Crystal and Gigi at the last part.

“Show us the imaginary girlfriend!” Vanessa interrupted, leaning further into frame. “Katya thinks it’s gonna be Jackie with a wig on.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gigi muttered under her breath, taking the phone from Jan and holding it up so she and Crystal were in the frame. “Vanjie, Brooke, tiny child, this is my girlfriend, Crystal. Who does exist.”

Crystal laughed softly. “Wow, this really bothered you,” she observed. “Why didn’t you just FaceTime me sooner?”

“Because we woulda called you a hologram,” Vanessa retorted before Gigi could answer, eliciting laughter from Brooke as well as Jan and Jackie.

Gigi pouted and crossed her arms. “I hate all of you,” she muttered, then added, “except for the kid, she’s cool.” And with that, she hung up and handed the phone back to Jan.

Jan chuckled and put her phone away. “You’re so cranky,” she cooed, getting up and grabbing her purse. “Here, let me smoke you out now. It’s the least I could do,” she offered, placing a joint between Gigi’s pouting lips and lighting it, watching her friend relax and smoke in spite of herself.

Jackie watched in mild amusement before glancing down as her phone went off. “Aw, Jaida just got back from Milwaukee and Nicky was waiting for her at the airport,” she read off her phone, then held it up to show the selfie Jaida had taken of the two of them.

“Wonder whatever happened to Nicky’s ‘no dating until graduation’ rule,” Jan mused with a laugh as she went back to folding shirts and packing them away. “Or are they still ‘not putting a label on it’?”

“The latter,” she confirmed. “But I know Jaida, she’s not gonna put up with that forever. She called me out on my bullshit plenty and she’s not the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type.”

“I just love that Nicky’s role in your life is essentially the girl that fucks the women closest to you. It feels like a metaphor or something. Frankly, I think you need to have sex with her just to bring it all full circle,” Gigi mused, to which Jackie responded by throwing a pair of jeans at her.

“Fuck off,” Jackie laughed. “I’d much rather her fuck my best friend than my girlfriend any day.”

Jan offered her a reassuring smile and nod. “There’s no plans on that happening again, don’t you worry… unless you want a threesome,” she joked.

“Hey Jan,” Crystal interrupted, “when do you hear back from that thing you auditioned for? What was it again?”

The calm smile on Jan’s lips shifted into a nervous one. She stopped folding, instead fiddling with the fabric in her hands. “It’s an official shadow cast production for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a solid five week stint. The website is posting callbacks on Thursday morning, then they post who made the final cut I think… four days after that.”

Jackie scoffed playfully. “Right, ‘if’. Baby, you know you have that on lock, just like you got Veronica without breaking a sweat.”

“I broke many sweats, but I appreciate the vote of confidence.”

------

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jan did receive a callback and, four days later, was incessantly refreshing the company’s website waiting for the cast list to be posted. The list was set to go up at nine in the morning, but she had been checking since a quarter to, just in case. “God, what’s taking so fucking long?”

Jackie watched, trying her hardest not to laugh. “Honey, it’s five after. Take a breath before you pop a blood vess–”

“It’s up!”

She rushed to her girlfriend’s side, hand gripping onto the back of the desk chair tight enough to turn her knuckles white. “Well?”

“I got Janet!”

The two of them jumped up in tandem, hugging and squealing in pure elation. “Oh my god!” Jan beamed, “this is so exciting!”

Jackie pressed kisses over Jan’s face, culminating with a tender kiss to the lips. “I knew you would get it. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank god I’m living with you now,” she mused out loud, “juggling this with classes, as excited as I am, I just know I’d let myself get way too overwhelmed and no one keeps me grounded like you do.” They had learned about this in the last few weeks before Heathers. Jan had been on the brink of a nervous breakdown and only Jackie had been able to talk her down.

“I’m happy to be that anchor for you,” Jackie smiled. “And if this ends up being like Heathers and you need help rehearsing the ‘sexy’ song…”

Jan giggled, hiding her face against the crook of Jackie’s neck. “Yeah? You’re gonna be my Rocky while I work on ‘Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me’? It’s a very different sexual energy than ‘Dead Girl Walking’.”

She tilted her head. “I don’t think they’re that different, but the end goal of using it as foreplay remains the same.”

“I can’t argue with that,” she conceded, sitting down on the bed. “Did you ever think this would be where we would end up after that night? When we thought we’d broken down a big wall by giving in to our unavoidable lust?”

“Not for a second,” Jackie admitted with a laugh, sitting beside her. “I hoped it was the start of something, but falling in love with you was never in the cards.”

Jan smiled and rested her head on Jackie’s shoulder. “Me neither. But I wouldn’t change a thing. The rollercoaster we were on brought us right to where we needed to be.”

“It did,” Jackie took Jan’s hand in her own and squeezed it. “It really did.” She looked up and out the window. “Do you think history will repeat itself again? That a few years down the line we’ll find our own pair of useless lesbians to play dysfunctional cupid with?”

She chuckled softly and shrugged. “I dunno. I remember Vanjie told me how once you’re in love, it’s easier to see it happen to other people. I guess anything is possible.”

[capsironunderoos]

Nice to Meet You

T.K. Strand X Reader, Carlos Reyes X Reader, and Owen Strand X Reader 

(but make it platonic)

Summary: Carlos asks you to watch over T.K. for the day while he recovers from the shooting. In doing so, you finally meet the infamous Captain Strand.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: None, but it does get a lil sad in there

Author’s Note: I honestly don’t even know what to say about this. The idea hit me a few days ago and I finally busted it out today. I’m thinking about writing more stories with these characters... How would you guys feel about that? Anyways, basically you’re best friends with Carlos and T.K., who are dating in this piece, and when you go to hang out with T.K. you get the chance to meet Owen. Regardless, this is strictly platonic between these characters! I smiled while writing this so I hope you smile while reading!

Masterlist

“I am literally knocking on his front door right now,” you huffed into your phone, moving your hand to hold it up as you knocked so the sound would echo into the phone. 

You returned it back to your ear and couldn’t help but smile as you heard Carlos laughing on the other end. You could picture his shoulders shaking as he leaned back in the chair at his desk.

“Hey I know this isn’t how you wanted to spend your day off,” Carlos starts and you shrug your shoulders. 

“He’s my friend and you’re my friend, and what did I tell you?” You prompted and he laughed again. 

“You’ll do anything for your friends.” 

“Exactly,” you responded, laughing with him this time. 

“But hey, I hear footsteps so I’m gonna run.” 

You both quickly said your goodbyes and you hung up, slipping your phone into the pocket of your sweatpants. 

Carlos had mentioned being worried about T.K. while he was home alone recovering. He’d had his dad with him for the most part, and Carlos had stayed over a few times, but they were both returning to work now. 

You’d met T.K. a few times through Carlos, and it was safe to say that there was a reason everyone had started calling you the three musketeers. 

You smile widely when T.K. opens the door, holding up a bag in each hand. He furrows his eyebrows at you, smile widening. 

“This one,” you hold up the bag in your right hand, “is every snack imaginable. And this one,” you now hold up the bag in your left hand, “is literally every movie I could find in my apartment.” 

T.K. laughed and motioned you inside, pulling you in for a hug before closing the door. 

You set the bags down on the coffee table, turning to face him with your hands on your hips. 

“You know I am a grown man and fully capable of taking care of myself.” 

He teased, moving to sift through the snack bag. You laugh lightly, gently placing your hand on his shoulder. 

“But where’s the fun in that?” You start and he scoffs through a smile as he shakes his head. 

“Besides,” you chime as you move to sit on his couch, “you really think Carlos is just going to let you “take care of yourself?”” 

T.K. playfully groaned and rolled his eyes, smile still spread across his lips growing and causing the skin by his eyes to crinkle. 

The sight of him so happy made you smile. 

He finally settles on a snack and moves to sit beside you, head resting on the back of the couch. 

You turned to face him, slipping off your shoes and pulling your feet up onto the couch and under your legs so that you were sitting criss cross. You watched him for a minute as he closed his eyes, the house falling quiet except for the background noise of the television. 

You moved your hand to comb through his hair, your warm smile now replaced with one of sympathy. He slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at you. 

“You okay kid?” You whispered and he watched you for another moment before nodding. 

“Just… sore. And thinking.” 

You nodded, removing your hand from where it had come to rest on his cheek. 

The silence exchanged between you two let T.K. know he would never be alone. 

Before you could stop it, a tear rolled down your cheek and T.K. laughed quietly, moving to swipe it away. You laughed with him, playfully hitting his leg with your foot. 

“Alright we have got to pick a movie. I can’t sit here and cry all day.” He exclaimed, sitting up and grabbing the bag full of movies. 

You laughed and moved to look through the bag with him, arguing over which movie would be the best to watch, him laughing at all of your suggestions and you whining at his. 

“What about this one?” 

You pulled out the first Star Wars movie and T.K. just looked at you. He sighed loudly, throwing his hands up in defeat. 

“Fine, Mateo talks about them all the time anyways. At least now I’ll know what he’s referencing.��� 

You laugh, and stand up, moving to put the dvd in. You turn around and stick your tongue out at T.K., in reference to your victory, and he rolls his eyes. 

“Real mature,” he says as he nods, his eyebrows furrowed and smirk laced with sarcasm. You shrug your shoulders and saunter back over to sit beside him. 

“Wow really? The walk too?” 

He was familiar with your victory strut, normally reserved only for the dart board at the bar. 

“It qualifies to all wins, not just the ones where I beat you at darts.” 

He laughed loudly at that, holding his stomach and laying his head on the back of the couch. 

“You really are something else,” he mumbles, shifting to get more comfortable. 

The movie had been going for awhile, and you’d had to answer a few questions every now and then in order to clear things up for T.K., but you’d both fallen silent now, your legs wrapped across his lap as he sat almost at attention, intently watching the movie as one hand rested on your leg and the other propped up his head, elbow sitting against your thigh. 

It was almost comical to see him so focused. 

You turned back to the movie, propping yourself up with a pillow when you heard the door begin to open. 

You glanced to T.K. but he didn’t move, and you honestly weren’t sure if he’d even heard it open. 

A handsome older man walked in, smiling when he saw T.K. so enamored with the tv. He followed T.K.’s gaze as he stepped fully into the house, closing the door behind him and laughing quietly, you could see his shoulders shaking slightly. 

“T.K.,” he called, and his name was finally enough to bring him out of his thoughts. 

“Hey dad,” he smiled and you realized you were the one being watched now. 

“And who is this?” His dad asked questioningly, eyebrows furrowed in your direction. 

You stood up quickly, leaning over the coffee table to extend your hand in his direction. You told him your name and he mimicked your actions, placing his hand in yours and shaking it firmly as he told you his name. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Captain Strand. I’ve only heard good things about what you’ve done over at the 126.” 

He smiled sweetly at you and you retreated your hand from his, slipping it into your pocket as you stood. 

“Please, call me Owen. And thank you, but I couldn’t do it without my team.” 

“I understand that sir, I work over at the precinct with Carlos.” 

T.K. laughed as he watched you two converse, you standing almost at attention and his dad acting as if he’d found a new person to talk shop with. 

“So you’re the one keeping my boy out of trouble,” he responded as he gestured for you to sit back down as he sat in the single chair beside the couch. You laughed at his suggestion. 

“I don’t know about all that.” 

T.K. shook his head and leaned up to finally pause the movie before looking over to you two. 

“What are you doing home so early?” He asked and his dad smiled, moving his gaze from you to his son. 

“My shift was almost up anyways, so I decided I’d come on home.” 

T.K. nodded, satisfied with his answer. Owen silently slipped off his shoes and stood up, placing them by the door before turning back to you and T.K. as you both silently watched him. 

“I’m going to go start up some lunch, but you’re welcome to stay, if you’d like. It was nice meeting you,” Owen said and you smiled. 

“It was nice to meet you too sir,” you started but stopped when he shot you a playful look, “I mean Owen.” 

Satisfied with your correction he smiled at you and T.K. before retreating into the kitchen. 

You watched him leave before turning back to the tv as T.K. unpaused the movie. 

It was quiet for a moment before T.K. sighed loudly and looked over to you, eyebrows raised. 

“You are the loudest thinker I have ever met in my life,” he chided and you laughed, moving to get comfortable in the crook of the couch. 

“Seriously, spill it. It’s not like you to be secretive.” 

“Hey,” you whined, feigning hurt at his comment. 

He laughed and motioned for you to sit closer to him. You reluctantly did, laying your head on his chest as he laid his arm on the back of the couch. 

“Come on,” he goaded, “that’s what best friends are for.” He finished in a whisper and you smiled. 

“It’s really nothing,” you responded and T.K. laughed. 

“Yeah okay, the amount of times I’ve heard that come from your mouth let me know that it’s the exact opposite.” 

You sat up then, turning to look at him as the tv played in the background. 

He groaned quietly when he saw the hint of mischief laced in your smirk. 

“I’m just thinking about how hot your dad is.” 

You’d have thought the world was ending with the way he reacted to you speaking your thoughts aloud. 

He threw his head back on the couch as if in anguish and you couldn’t help but giggle. 

“First of all,” he started, sitting up and holding his pointer finger up in your direction, “remind me to never ask what you’re thinking about again. Like ever.” 

“Second,” he held up two fingers this time, and you continued to giggle at his seriousness. 

“Please never refer to my dad as hot,” you started to interrupt him but the look he shot you caused you to stop. 

“And third… Just... No.” He finished, his eyes squeezed together in a mixture of both pain and disgust.

You laughed loudly, the sound escaping through your hands as you tried to cover the smile on your lips. 

“But T.K. I just-“ You started, moving your hands to your lap. 

“No!”

[crisp-sweet-pink-lady]

General Thoughts on Coronation Day

And thus, Elena of Avalor comes to an end.

As always, I’m amazed at how much they managed to pack into just a little over an hour.  I have a few quibbles, but for the most part this was a satisfactory ending to the show.

First off, I’m glad they kept Flo to a minimum.  Honestly, you could cut out all her scenes and nothing would be lost.  Which kind of begs the question of why she was there to begin with, but since the crew crammed in as many recurring characters as they could, she had to be there, too, I suppose.  Speaking of recurring characters, I’m so glad we got to see as many royals as we did, and i appreciated the Valentina/Alonso stuff.  They make a cute couple.  (And speaking of cute couples, there were definitely some seeds of Mateo/Carla in this ep.)

All exposition should be given in puppet show form, though that does bring up the fact that we never got to hear what Armando thought about Esteban’s betrayal.  I mean, they seemed to work closely under Shuriki’s reign, and even more so once he became head of the castle.  Surely he had conflicted feelings on the matter.

I loved the callbacks in the first song to Ready to Rule and My Time.  And I very much appreciated the grand council pointing out that Elena would just do what she wanted regardless of what they decided.

All of the action was fantastic, from the first battle to the Olaball match to the fight against the shades. 

When I heard the final enemies were called The Shades of Awesome, I was a little “Really?” but finding out they gave themselves that name, it's not as bad.  When they asked Esteban what his biggest desire was, I thought he might want to go back and erase his mistake, since one of them had time power, so I was a little perplexed when he was all “I always wanted to be king,” but when he explained to his grandparents that he felt it was the only way to make people listen to him (which has been an established thing since the earliest episodes of season one), it made sense.  That scene between him and his grandparents, so emotional!

I was not impressed with the Grand Macaw, even if he was voiced by Patrick Warburton.  But seeing Bobo again was fun (they should have left Flo at home and given Bobo more lines).  And that scene between Elena and her parents was very nice, especially since it also snuck in some answers to questions fans have had for years.  We finally learned why Shuriki had it in for Avalor, and (sort of) how Esteban got involved with Shuriki in the first place.

After Elena got back from the spirit realm, I was like “Is this really the time for an introspective song?” But then Esteban’s verse kicked in and of course I was on board.  One last Christian Lanz song for the road.

We all knew that the only way Esteban could be redeemed was for him to sacrifice himself to save Elena, and that is exactly what happened, but fortunately in a way that could be reversed with the power of Forgiveness!  I loved the reveal that Esteban could use the scepter, and the two of them combining their powers to send the last Shade back to the spirit realm was so good.  I wish there had been a smidge of acknowledgement that he had been atoning during Shuriki’s reign, but ah well.  There was a lot that needed to get resolved in this ep, some things had to fall by the wayside.

Sofia the First cameos!  It’s so cool that we got to see aged up Sofia, Amber, and James, even if their models did look a little weird.  But they showed up, and that’s was more than I could have asked for.

I liked Esteban giving Naomi his blessing to be the new chancellor, but is that really what Naomi wants, considering how much of it is paperwork?  I mean, it’s great that everyone got official promotions and titles, so I guess Naomi needed one, too, but I really don’t think she’ll be happy with the position.  Unless Esteban takes over the paperwork part again and she does the other stuff.

While all the songs were great, the final one was really the best (as it should be).

There’s a ton more stuff I liked about this episode, but this is getting pretty long, so my one remaining quibble is that we didn’t get to see Esteban’s parents, even though being in the spirit realm would have been a perfect opportunity.  They could have just been in the olaball crowd, and that would have been enough.

[dommexbritt]

FONDUE FOR TWO // ELECTION WEEK      ⤷ PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES RECAP

HELLO DEVERUEX! There is a lot going on this week on campus but if you have a moment, it’s time to zero in on the 2021 School Counsel elections. Now, you may or may not know this but for the first time this school has decided to allow students say on the board and that is a BIG deal. Another peg in the growing line of progressive moves for the school and I think I can speak for everyone when I say we are so excited for a change like that! 

 I’m Brittany, your stunning host and this is Fondue For Two Election Edition. There are three presidential candidates and the cheese is HOT. Let’s get stirring... 

 Please-- introduce yourselves and tell us why you chose to run for the position!!

- MATEO: Sure. I'm Mateo Weston, first year Dominant. I think education in d/s is beyond important if we're gonna be living together in this society. It's what's gonna make sure we're all safe and aware of possible risks we might encounter and how to deal with them. And I think being involved is also incredibly important, so this is a great opportunity for us to help shape this school. I'm running to make sure everyone's voice gets heard and that this is an environment for everybody to feel comfortable in.

QUINN: Thank you again for this opportunity, Brittany. I appreciate it. I'm Quinn Fabray and I stand for structure and equality. In recent times, we've all experienced what inequality feels like and that should not become a norm at this school. Structure and respect are important notions, but not at the sacrifice of human rights. So, as president, I hope to assure such situations don't arise again and that we can stand up against them together.

BRITT: Amazing. You hear that Devereux Academy? These candidates are here to have your back! 

Unfortunately not all the candidates have shown up but their silence will be speaking for them... [a pause for cricket sound effect] 

Now, that all sounds very serious but my role here on this show is to truly find and serve the good dish. The extra sides AND the dessert. So I have a few rapid fire questions for you all. Mateo, you’re up first...

Q&A W/ MATEO WESTON -

B: If elected how do you see your ties and affiliations with the people of grimace affecting your presidency? And do you see there being a clear cut line between church and state?

M: I... don't think it will affect it. While I certainly respect everyone's believes, I don't think religion's go much of anything to do with this school. I think everyone can make their own choices as far as that goes but the school is supposed to represent everybody, regardless of what they do or don't believe in. So I'd say in general, I don't see there being a lot of overlap between church and state unless it's something individuals choose.

B: Hypothetical: out of nowhere, picture this... it’s a foggy Sunday morning on a quiet campus when suddenly an alarm blares. First thoughts are hurricane warning but no school announcements quickly clarify that extra terrestrials have landed and are targeting finishing schools in an effort to learn our culture. As a leader, how would you respond?

M: Hypothetically? I would do my best to make sure everybody stays calm and doesn't add to the panic I'm sure would be happening already. I'd then make sure we can all collect somewhere safe, perhaps the cafeteria or somewhere along those lines. Once we're mostly safe and everybody is accounted for, a plan can be formulated. In this very hypothetical and admittedly unlikely scenario, I suppose wanting to learn our culture isn't the worst of intention so perhaps enough contact can be made to satisfy this purpose and encourage them to leave again.

B: And finally, have you ever been in official charge of anything before?

M: I have. There's the basics of sports teams and siblings and responsibilities at my jobs and internships. But I used to volunteer at a finishing school back in Texas for like.. five years and definitely got a lot of experience in being in charge of things as well as a glance into the behind the scenes stuff there. Most of the instances I've 'been in charge' have been with people -- I've had a lot of really close friends I've had mostly platonic d/s relationships with and I've always been very comforted and comfortable being able to take care of someone. In this case, I know it's a lot of someone’s but I'm confident I'll be able to handle that responsibility as well.

-

Q&A W/ QUINN FABRAY -

B: With almost little to no social media presence you were totally tricky to pin down Quinn, but I think the question that is burning in everyone’s mind is... what really goes on in celibacy club?

Q: You should really take a look at the Cheerleader's Instagram profile -- it's a gold mine if you ask me. But, it does what it says on the label. We come together to discuss our choice to refrain from sex until we're ready for a claim. There's a lot of different reasons for a choice like that and especially at this school, it's not always an easy one. So the club is a safe space for us to talk openly and free of judgement.

B: Speaking of the cheer team... say you get elected do you have plans in the works, with my help if you want, to overthrow the current HBIC Alexis St James for the Cheerio captaincy?

Q:  ... Alexis is doing a great job. And besides, I think my presidency would have a few more pressing issues than Cheerio captaincy. But thank you for the confidence, Brittany. I appreciate that and in theory, would make a great captain.

B: If anything like the change up of administration or crack down in the rules were to occur again how do you feel you, as President, would respond? Furthermore, considering of course that this last time the deans we got were said to be hand chosen by YOUR father... would there be any future conflicts of interest should he involved again?

Q: I would hope that as student body president, I would have prior knowledge of such events so an extreme situation like last time can be avoided. I'm aware administration can not always stay the same and that different people may bring different views to the table, but none of those should restrict the freedom of students as strictly as they did last time. And I assure you, there will be no conflicts of interest. While I respect my father and his choices very much, I am my own woman and intend to make my own decisions.

-

FINAL QUESTIONS FOR EVERYONE - 

BRITT: We've heard your main concerns about the campus, is there anything you'd like to add? And also, what is the first action you are planning to take if elected?

MATEO: I still stand by everything I've said before. Student involvement as well as structure to rely on are still two of my biggest focus points that I'm excited to develop further at this school. My first action would be to take stock of where everybody's head is at and see what the student body is currently most in need of and then work out a plan to accomplish that in a way that is suitable for everybody.

QUINN: I would like to say that voting Fabray means electing someone able to look at this school from both angles -- the perhaps more traditional one, as it is undoubtedly known that my family has a history with it as well as the modern one that we are currently pushing towards. I promise students from all aspects of the spectrum that no change will come without consultation and that we are not driving towards extremes in either direction. But we are ready for a mode current approach. As for my first action, I believe there should be a conversation between then elected team of president and vice president as well as administration to review the recent happenings and formulate a plan to deal with such occasions going forward.

BOOKER: [ cricket sounds ] 

-

Well that’s that people!!. From master plans to alien invasion preparation, now you know! The fondue is still sizzling and thank goodness for that because we totally have our Vice President line up next! 

Mark down the date now, election day is APRIL 22nd and one of these candidates are waiting for YOUR support! 

You’re listening to Fondue For Two and the voice of one Brittany S Pierce! STAY TUNED! 

[ill-skillsgard]

Hello my love, I just saw you said you hadn't gotten any requests for Mateo. I feel like I'm being unethical by sending you a request but do you have any thoughts on an AU where the soulmate test matched him with Jonah but here he's waylaid by Adrian or a Modern Ivar? I'm sorry I was compelled to share the thought. Feel free to ignore me.

Hello, dear, sweet love of mine! I would never ignore thee. Send all the requests you want! Anything for you <3

+

It was hard to miss the tall white man in a Hawaiian shirt glancing at his phone every five seconds, the enormous grin that split the concentration on his face into one part giddiness, one part lust, his sharp bone-structure absorbing the smile shortly after. Ivar sat across the bar watching him teeter from excitable to neutral over and over until his curiosity got the better of him. Ivar had to know what the man was waiting for. Since the tower of a tourist had come into his sightline, he’d thrown back two shots of rum and two beers—a safe amount of alcohol for someone his height. Ivar wondered if he could make him go three for three. 

He pressed his palms on the table and pushed himself up, notching his arms into his crutches and turning once he had them firmly planted in the sand. The tall man with the innocent eyes noticed him immediately and cracked another one of his lopsided grins. It was hard for anyone to gloss Ivar over. At his full height, he stood almost at odds with the lanky tourist, though his chest and shoulders were bulkier and his tanned skin shone in the setting sun. Ivar caught eyes from around the bar, including the green ones for which he aimed.

Ivar sidled up to the bar and purchased two beers corked with lime wedges. He breathed in deeply and turned around before setting his crutches off to the side. He could stand upright when he had something solid to lean on. The man in his sights turned to him and flashed a customary tourist smile, all courtesy and trying not to notice the condition that set him apart from every other person dancing in the bar that day.

“How’s it going? Enjoying yourself?” Ivar asked.

The man glanced over to verify it was him the broad-chested man with the braided hair spoke to, and his smile grew. Ivar’s eyebrows hopped when he saw all the straight white teeth in his face, the twinkle in his peculiar eyes. He then took in all the other parts he’d missed while spying from across the room: the huge, veiny hands, the length of his thighs, his sandaled feet, his soft brown hair and the flecks of gold in the green irises.

He raised his near-empty beer. “Sure.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to intrude. This is just the best place to stand when you want service.”

The lanky man realized how much of the bar’s real estate he took up and stepped away. Ivar raised one beer bottle. “No need to move. It’s safer for me to have someone to fall on if I tip over.”

“Oh,” the tourist giggled.

“I’m kidding. Don’t worry, I promise I won’t fall and break a hip then make you call me an ambulance. There’s plenty of sand to cushion me.”

The traveller met Ivar’s blue intensity, then pocketed the phone he’d been checking so adamantly for the last forty-five minutes. The look on his face told of amusement and impending small-talk. Ivar crooked his elbows against the bar and waited.

“Do you live here?” The man asked.

“Yeah. When it’s Winter in my home country.”

“Where’s your home country?”

“Very far North.”

“What like, Alaska?”

“Denmark.”

The traveller smiled ever wider. “We’re practically neighbours.”

“Ah, yes,” Ivar chose then to slide the second beer over to the tourist. “You have that Scandinavian look about you. Name’s Ivar, like the Viking.”

“Mateo,” he said, grabbing the beer by the neck. “Skol!”

Ivar raised his drink, and they clinked bottles. “Skol.”

After another half hour, Mateo had that third shot, courtesy of Ivar, his newfound friend and Viking descendant. The conversation progressed at a casual rate until Ivar grew bored with asking innocent questions. He waited until Mateo looked at his phone one last time before zeroing in for the hopeful kill.

“Are you waiting on somebody?” Ivar asked.

Mateo chuckled. “Oh, no. Not really. I’m on a layover. Going to Brazil to meet my soulmate.”

“Just to meet? You mean, you haven’t met them yet?”

Mateo clicked something on the clear screen and showed Ivar a photo of a handsome black man with kind eyes and a lively smile. Ivar sweated, not because of the competition, but because he’d pegged Mateo right.

“We haven’t met. But we don’t need to, right? That’s kind of the whole point of the test. Once we’re together, it will click.”

“Yeah, but... What if it doesn’t? Don’t get me wrong, I support everyone finding their true love, but that’s just one photo. What happens if you meet him and the lower half of him is horribly disfigured?”

Mateo scoffed. “That wouldn’t stop me. We’re matched. It means no matter what, we’re compatible. Plus, he’s gorgeous. Even if he was horribly disfigured from the waist down, it wouldn’t make a difference. Not to me.”

Ivar tasted his confidence rising from his stomach and piping, all the way to his mouth where it manifested as carefully plucked words.

“But you haven’t met yet, right? You’re not officially tied down?”

“No. Not officially.”

“How much time do you have until your flight to meet him?”

“I leave tomorrow.”

“That’s plenty of time,” Ivar said, moving his head to the rhythm of the live music.

Mateo leaned over. “Plenty of time for what?”

Ivar closed the space between them, touching Mateo’s jaw as he whispered in his ear. “Plenty of time to get one last fuck out of your system before you’re shacked up for life. What do you say?”

Mateo’s cheeks turned sunburn-red, his smile a new, shy version of the one Ivar had been studying. He laughed uneasily, scratched the back of his head and laughed again. Ivar didn’t let Mateo rest from the blazing blue-eyed stare. Not until they were in his apartment, undressing each other and kissing feverishly. Ivar grabbed Mateo by the collar of his bright floral shirt and bade him sit on the foot of his bed. Using his crutches to climb down, Ivar went to his knees and wrestled Mateo’s shorts down his thighs. When an erection sprung up between them, they both chuckled.

“Fuck. I knew it,” Ivar moaned.

“Knew what?” Asked Mateo.

“That you had a big dick.”

Mateo scooted forward, shoving his solid manhood closer to Ivar’s mouth. The Viking wrapped his lips around the head, eyes fluttering closed as his tongue besieged the slit already leaking pre-cum. Mateo spread his hands over the sheet and gaped his legs a little more, so Ivar had all the room he needed. The kneeling man took this as a further invitation, and propped Mateo’s legs up by his knees, spreading him and forcing him back for a more thorough licking.

“And what if I didn’t have one? What then?” Mateo asked, feeling cheeky from his unexpected score.

“Then I’d have to adjust my thinking. Reevaluate the statistics that men with big feet also have big cocks.”

“I feel so... Exploited,” Mateo snickered and then melted from the feeling of a hot, determined tongue igniting the nerve-heavy spots along his shaft.

“Oh, I’ll exploit you. I’ll exploit you all night long. Right until you hop on that plane to go meet your soulmate. And I guarantee you’ll keep thinking of my mouth long after you’ve gone.”

Mateo gasped as Ivar throated him, streams of slaver dribbling down his balls. Ivar withdrew to collect the escaped saliva, then deposited the glob over the tip again. He did this several more times until Mateo’s cock glistened in the golden sunset blazing through the dirty window next to the bed. He lost himself in the tightening sensations, letting the stranger treat him with all the experience of a well-learned enthusiast.  After long, Mateo pressed his chin to his chest, grabbing the braids at the nape of Ivar’s neck to pull him off.

“I’m gonna come,” Mateo warned.

Ivar laughed. Mateo returned the merriment with slight discomfort.

“W-what? It’s true,” the gangly tourist admitted.

“Then come.”

“In your mouth?”

“If that’s where you want it, big boy.”

Mateo shivered, chills shooting down his legs into his feet, numbing his toes. “Oh, fuck.”

The next day, Mateo stood in line waiting to board his flight. His eyes locked onto his phone screen and the photo of Jonah that had made his heart twinge the last couple of weeks. He swiped over and looked at a photo of Ivar, shirtless and tan, a beer bottle in hand and stylish sunglasses perched on his nose. Mateo switched back to Jonah, then back to Ivar.

“Sir? Please keep the line moving,” the woman at the desk motioned him forward.

Mateo hesitated. He looked at the photo of Ivar one last time, then sent him a friend request, pocketed the device and put on his most charming smile as he approached the desk.

“Hello,” Mateo said, clearing his throat. “How much to reschedule my flight to Brazil?”

[artificialqueens]

You Know You Love Me, Chapter 2 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Wow I can’t believe I’m updating this in less than a week since I posted the first chapter, there’s a first time for everything lol. Thank you so much for the feedback on chapter 1, I really appreciate every like and comment so much. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Brooke Lynn Hytes returns to New York City after being shipped off to boarding school and her ex best friend, Vanessa Mateo, isn’t too happy about it… which would be bad enough, but add in the fact that they’re lowkey in love with each other. (Gossip Girl AU)

Rise and shine, Upper East Siders! It’s officially Fall, which means that all of us get to go back to school for yet another scandalous year. Will today be the day we see Brooke Lynn Hytes return to being the socialite she once was, or will she be shipped off yet again? Only time, and the tips you send in, will tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Vanessa’s alarm clock – also known as Dorota – woke her at precisely seven o’clock. She removed her pink silk eye mask and immediately went to hop into the already prepared bubble bath, allowing her body to fully submerge into the bathtub as she mentally prepared herself for the day ahead. The first day of her senior year.

After she stepped out of the bath and slipped into her fluffy robe, she headed to the bathroom to start her morning skincare routine. Some people may say it’s time consuming, but not Vanessa. Her mother has drilled the importance of youthful looking skin into her brain from a very young age. Vanessa didn’t know any other seventeen-year olds who used two different anti-aging serums on a daily basis but she had promised herself that she was not going to get surprised with any wrinkles or frown lines…not before she could make her first Botox appointment.

She returned to her bedroom to find her school “uniform” laid out on the bed in front of her. Once she had her short black skirt, black stockings, white blouse and school blazer on, she slid her black heels onto her feet and walked over to her vanity where she stored her accessories. This is where she added the finishing touches to her outfits. On this particular day, she chose one of her signature headbands (a red one) and placed it delicately onto her hair that was curled to perfection.

After she finished applying some makeup, along with her signature red lipstick, she headed downstairs to the dining table where her family’s chef had prepared a variety of different breakfast options for Vanessa and her mother to choose from – a selection of pastries, fresh fruit and yoghurt. She picked up a chocolate and hazelnut croissant from the tray and paired it with a selection of different berries while Dorota poured her some green tea.

Alexis Mateo – Vanessa’s mother – entered the room hurriedly and frowned as soon as she saw what was on Vanessa’s plate.

“You’re eating carbs this early in the morning, darling, that’s…brave.” Mrs Mateo said as she fixed her hair in the mirror, not paying attention to her daughter who rolled her eyes at her mother’s comment and took a big bite out of the croissant as if she had a point to prove.

“I just hope you know that your metabolism won’t stay like this forever. One day all of these treats you allow yourself to have are gonna come back and haunt you,” This comment earned another eyeroll from Vanessa as she took a deep breath in and tried as hard as she could to force her frown into a smile. “Oh, also, I won’t be coming home tonight. There’s been some kind of disaster in the Paris office that everyone else is apparently unqualified to handle which means I have to go and solve every single problem, yet again.” She said with an exasperated sigh.

“But you just got back from Europe, you said we could go to dinner tonight to celebrate my last ever first day of school!” Vanessa replied with a pout on her face.

“Well Vanessa, that’s the joy of owning your own company. You can’t just expect me to stop working every time you want to go out for dinner. Sometimes work is a more important priority than a meal we can have at any time…isn’t Brooke Lynn back from boarding school? Take my card and bring her instead, you can celebrate together.”

Vanessa immediately rolled her eyes again at the mention of Brooke’s name. She really wasn’t looking forward to seeing her again. She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t nervous but deep down she had a few butterflies floating around in her stomach that she really wanted to murder.

Her mother left shortly after breakfast, muttered a quick goodbye to Vanessa and ate only a handful of grapes before she screamed at some staff members to come and carry her bags down to the car.

Vanessa continued to sit at the dining table for a bit longer and tried her best to hide the fact that she was upset with her mother for leaving her alone yet again. Sure, she had Dorota, but ever since her father moved to France about nine months ago, she had been feeling overwhelmingly lonely. Not to mention, her mother had started to work longer hours to keep herself occupied when she was finalising the divorce from Vanessa’s father.

The pout on her face slowly started to disappear as Vanessa focused on the positives of the day she was about to have: she was going to walk into school with Akeria and Silky by her side, ready to retake her throne as the most powerful girl in school and there was nothing Brooke Lynn Hytes could do to take that away from her.

Feeling a lot more empowered, she hopped up off of her chair and grabbed her purse and strutted towards the elevator. She found her family’s black limo with the driver ready and waiting to take her to school and as she stepped inside, the familiar smell of leather and the pine air freshener that was dangling from the mirror made her feel at ease.

—

The first half of Vanessa’s school day had been pretty uneventful so far. She had met up with her girls before school, yelled a sophomore for wearing last season’s shoes and gotten an A on her summer English literature assignment. She also hadn’t run into Brooke yet, which in her mind made it an all the more successful day.

At lunchtime, Vanessa, Silky and Akeria were sat at their regular lunch spot – the steps of the MET. Plastique Tiara, a freshman girl from Brooklyn had been helping Vanessa out by making the invitations for the party ever since Vanessa had noticed how good her calligraphy was and had bribed her with an invite to the party in return for her work.

Plastique nervously handed over the stack of envelopes and Vanessa took them, ready to thoroughly inspect them before she gave her the seal of approval.

“Oh my God, Plastique, they’re so cute!” Akeria exclaimed as she took her invite from the pile and smiled widely at Plastique.

Vanessa and Silky nodded their heads in agreement and Vanessa picked up the invite from the bottom of the pile and handed it back to Plastique.

“Your invitation, as promised!” Vanessa fought the urge to roll her eyes at how excited the younger girl had gotten just from the invitation. Her face changed entirely as she saw a tall blonde figure casually approaching them with a frozen yoghurt in her hands.

“Hey, here you guys are! I looked all over the dining hall for you.”

Vanessa had pictured her reunion with Brooke many times. But this? The blonde just walking up like absolutely no time had passed? Definitely not what she had in mind.

The other girls were all noticeably shocked too. Others, such as Plastique, looked starstruck. Vanessa, however, looked absolutely fuming.

“Hi, I’m Brooke Lynn.” She stretched her hand out to shake Plastique’s hand, which the younger girl accepted immediately.

“I know. I mean, uh, I’ve seen you around and—” she stopped rambling as Brooke bended down to pick up one of the invitations that were sitting in Vanessa’s lap. Vanessa found herself trying to suppress an eyeroll for the second time in the last five minutes, and only half succeeded this time.

“So, when’s the party?” Brooke looked directly at Vanessa when she spoke, as if there were no one else there. Silky, Akeria and Plastique were looking at Vanessa with anxious faces, waiting for her to answer, whereas Vanessa had turned on her signature bitch face and threw on one of her passive aggressive smiles for good measure.

“Saturday…and…you’re kinda not invited, since until twelve hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school and now we’re full, and Plastique used up all the invites.” Brooke raised her eyebrows slightly and Vanessa shrugged her shoulders with not a single care given.

“Um, actually—” Plastique started to speak, Vanessa knowing full well that it would be easy to get Brooke an invite if she wanted to. But Vanessa managed to get her to shut up with just a single raise of her eyebrow, the look instilling fear in the younger girl and making her stay silent.

“You can go now.” She said to Plastique who slowly started to pack up her things, still not wanting to miss the battle that was undoubtedly about to happen. However, all that happened was a classic B and V stare-down accompanied by a deafening silence.

Vanessa was looking at Brooke Lynn with her protective shield – her bitch face – up, but underneath the surface she was trying her hardest not to break. She should’ve known that seeing the girl she’s been in love with for more than a year for the first time in a long time would’ve had some kind of emotional impact on her. Everything had an emotional impact on her. She cries at every romantic movie eve made and feels so much love for all of the important people in her life. Why did she think that this would be any different? Why did she allow herself to believe that she hated Brooke, when in reality, all she had to do was say three simple words to her and Vanessa would do anything she asked. But she couldn’t let that show to anyone…especially not Brooke Lynn.

“Sorry…” Vanessa apologised half-heartedly, trying to sound at least somewhat sincere.

“No, it’s okay…I got a lot of stuff to do anyway.”

Vanessa started to pack her lunch up which meant that all the other girls immediately started to copy her and pack their lunch up too.

“Well…we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you?” Vanessa stood up and predictably, the girls copied. “Looks like you got a lot of yoghurt left.”

Brooke was not an idiot, she could tell that Vanessa had no intention of waiting around for her, especially since she was already standing up and slowly moving away from her.

“No, go ahead.” Vanessa responded by just rolling her eyes and walking away, Silky and Akeria on either side of her but still slightly behind. That was when Brooke Lynn decided to make a daring move.

“Vanessa? Think we can meet up tonight?” she asked innocently, causing the three girls to quickly turn back around. Brooke would pay someone to photograph Vanessa’s face at that exact moment – shocked, confused and feeling out of control. She crossed her fingers that someone had their cell phone out and she could relive it later on Gossip Girl.

“I’d love to…but I’m doing something with Nate tonight.”

It technically wasn’t a lie. Nate was a cute boy that had been trying to date Vanessa for a while now and while she had turned him down repeatedly, he had kept coming back and asking over and over again. He hadn’t exactly asked her out on that specific day but she was sure she could just bat her eyes at him a couple times after school and he’d ask her out immediately…and she would actually say yes this time.

“The Palace. Eight o’clock. Nate will wait.”

Vanessa stood there stunned. How dare Brooke Lynn just waltz back into their friend group and try to call all the shots like she was in charge? Vanessa would be feisty and snap back if she could remember how to function.

“I could probably do a half hour…” Vanessa responded quietly, readjusting her headband as if it were a crown on her head.

“Thanks for making the time.” Brooke Lynn said sarcastically, clearly letting Vanessa know she was enjoying the control she had over the other girl.

“You’re my best friend.” Vanessa replied with the fakest smile she could possibly create in that moment. Not saying anything else, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and strutted ahead of Silky and Akeria, storming off to their next class.

—

Spotted on the steps of the MET: a power-struggle between B and V. Did B really think she could waltz home and things would be just like they were? Did V think B would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There’s nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight, and this could be a classic.

—

2 years ago:

The two girls were sat on the large grey couch in the Hytes’ penthouse trying to study for their Latin exam the next day. Brooke was sitting on the couch looking at her phone without a care in the world whereas Vanessa was sitting on the floor, hunched over the coffee table with her head in her hands, mumbling to herself.

She had all of her study materials spread across the table in front of her. This included four binders, colour coded of course, three decks of flashcards and two textbooks. Not to mention the abundance of pastel highlighters that seemed to have made their way onto every bit of paper that Vanessa owned.

When Vanessa had suggested they should study together, Brooke Lynn didn’t actually think she was serious. So when Vanessa showed up with Dorota following behind her, carrying her massive bag of supplies, she was a bit disappointed. She thought they would at least get to talk or cuddle on the couch together but clearly, Vanessa had other plans.

“Why do we have to study Latin anyway? It’s a dead language for a reason.” Vanessa grumbled as she leaned her head on the table as if it were a pillow.

“Because you decided it would look good on college applications and signed us both up for it, that’s why.” Brooke reminded her which earned her an eyeroll in response. Brooke patted the empty space beside her on the couch, signalling for Vanessa to join her. Vanessa ignored her by opening one of the textbooks in front of her and reached for one of her pink highlighters.

“Hey, no—” Brooke grabbed the highlighter out of her hand and closed the textbook. Before Vanessa even had a chance to complain, Brooke used all her strength to grab the smaller girl and pull her onto the couch beside her. She took the blanket that was folded over the back of the couch and placed it gently in Vanessa’s lap.

“I think it’s time for you to stop studying now…we all know you could get an A on this test without even trying.”

“That makes one of us…” Vanessa replied playfully with a small smile on her face. Brooke replied by shoving her in the side which got a laugh out of Vanessa. Brooke smiled as that was all she wanted to do in that moment – make Vanessa forget about all of the things that caused stress in her life and focus on making her happy.

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder which somehow lead to Brooke wrapping her arm around Vanessa’s body and locking their hands together. Vanessa released a deep breath that she didn’t realise she was holding in and relaxed into Brooke’s touch, slowly closing her eyes and allowing herself to feel completely at ease.

This wasn’t something that should worry her and make her overthink. Friends cuddle all the time, right? A small frown came on her face as she tried to picture herself cuddling with Silky or Akeria like this. She wouldn’t enjoy it as much. Now, after that realisation, she had a reason to worry.

“I can feel you overthinking from here.”

“I’m not…” Vanessa lied with ease. If she could try and make Brooke believe it, then maybe she could make herself believe it.

“If you really wanna study some more I won’t stop you again, I just figured you probably knew it all by now…” Brooke said quietly, afraid that she had upset Vanessa and caused her to stress more.

“No, you were right, I am gonna ace this test. Now I just wanna spend time with you,” Vanessa replied softly. Brooke smiled and couldn’t stop the feeling of butterflies in her stomach from overtaking her. The fact that Vanessa could control her emotions with such a simple sentence like that was worrying. “Plus, you are really comfy, I have to admit.”

“I’ll be your pillow anytime you want, V.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t like when you’re stressed or sad…if I can help stop that, then I will.”

Vanessa smiled and sat up slowly to look at Brooke Lynn properly. All she wanted to do was lean in and kiss her. Sure, they had kissed before but it had never really meant anything. It was always a drunken thing or part of a truth or dare game at one of Vanessa’s famous sleepovers. But the thought of kissing Brooke properly was consuming Vanessa’s mind more than any exam stress ever could.

Thankfully, Brooke was thinking about doing the exact same thing. Her eyes broke contact with Vanessa’s to look at her lips before returning to her eyes. Her hands seemed to have a mind of their own in that moment as they cupped Vanessa’s face, her thumb stroking her cheek gently.

“Can I?” Brooke whispered extremely quietly, so quietly that Vanessa wouldn’t have heard her if Brooke wasn’t already so close to her face. Vanessa nodded slowly, not able to get any words out as excitement and nerves took over her body.

Brooke Lynn closed the tiny gap between the two of them and pressed her lips to Vanessa’s. Just a small peck to test it out. But Vanessa decided that she wanted more and leaned back in immediately and before either of them knew it, they were having a full-blown make out session on Brooke’s family’s couch.

Unfortunately, they were interrupted by Brooke Lynn’s mom returning home not long after. They went to Brooke’s bedroom to get some sleep – but not before Vanessa stole a couple of more kisses. They didn’t do anything other than make out that night but needless to say, they didn’t get as much sleep as they should have the night before a big test.

Unsurprisingly, Vanessa still got an A.

—

Now:

Vanessa looked at the rose gold watch on her wrist for what felt like the millionth time. It was almost eight thirty, half an hour after the time Brooke had said to meet up at. She felt like an idiot. Meeting up to talk had been Brooke’s idea in the first place and of course Vanessa jumped at the chance of spending some alone time with her, but Brooke hadn’t even bothered to show up. Not even a text to let Vanessa know that she was going to be late.

Needless to say, Vanessa was pissed.

Every single time that Brooke had ever done something wrong in their ten years of friendship was playing in Vanessa’s head like a movie clip on repeat. Like that time when Brooke’s parents had gotten her the diamond earrings that Vanessa wanted for Christmas and didn’t even offer to share them. Or when Brooke had let Vanessa’s arch enemy, Scarlet Envy, play with her new Barbie doll before she had even shown it to Vanessa when they were eight.

Vanessa’s hand was clutching her martini glass so hard that if she tried just a tiny bit harder, she could probably break it. Thankfully at that exact moment, Brooke Lynn strolled into the bar, her long blonde hair braided to the side in a messy fishtail braid. She sat down beside Vanessa who was giving her quite possibly the angriest look that Brooke Lynn had ever seen in her life.

“Hey…sorry I’m late…” Brooke said cautiously. Vanessa’s only form of reply was her narrowing her eyes even more. “Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay to you?”

“You look great, but, um…maybe a bit angry?” Brooke tried to lighten the mood a bit by complimenting her, which would usually work perfectly, but not this time. “Are you angry at me?”

“That’s the dumbest fucking question you’ve ever asked me.”

“What did I do? I’m sorry I’m late, I just haven’t unpacked yet and I couldn’t find the right outfit and –” Vanessa could feel herself about to burst with anger and didn’t let Brooke finish her sentence.

“Not about that, you idiot! You left me…you didn’t even say goodbye, you just fucking left. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was when people would ask me where you went and I had no idea? It was humiliating.” Vanessa replied, her voice broke slightly as she got emotional but hoped that Brooke didn’t notice.

“V, I’m sorry but it was all so last minute and…” Brooke replied, her voice quiet and full of so much shame that she couldn’t complete her sentence.

“Did you even think about telling me or were you just too excited to leave and go make new friends? Am I really so low on your list of priorities that you couldn’t even send me a text? Not even a “Hey V, I’m leaving, see you next year”? I had to find out from your mom, B. That’s not okay.”

“Vanessa, you have to believe me, it wasn’t my fault!” Brooke tried to reason with her but Vanessa was having none of it.

“Nothing is ever your fault, B, that’s the problem! You just do whatever you want and don’t think of the consequences or the fact that what you’re doing actually hurts other people sometimes.” Vanessa’s voice started to get louder and full of anger as she spoke, a year’s worth of repressed emotions finally coming to the surface.

“Are you seriously doing this right now?” Brooke fought back with equal amounts of anger, not one to sit back and take being yelled at.

“Doing what? Telling you the truth? I know you haven’t been here for a year and I’m sure that you’ve had everyone kissing your ass since you got back but that’s not gonna happen with me. You don’t get to leave me and then just walk back into my life like nothing happened.”

“Don’t act like your innocent, V. You could’ve called. My mom gave you the number for my school when she told you where I was and you didn’t call once.” Brooke Lynn tried as hard as she could to keep any hurt from her voice, wanting to only show anger.

“You left me. Are you not getting that? You left. I was here. Waiting for you,” Vanessa’s anger seemed to leave her body all at once and the only thing she could feel was pain. It was like she just found out that Brooke had left all over again. The feeling of rejection and of not feeling good enough crept back into her body, not caring how hard she had fought over the past year to get rid of it. “You clearly didn’t feel the same way that I did back then. I really thought you did but you didn’t…and you still don’t.”

Vanessa grabbed her purse and practically sprinted past Brooke and out of the door of the hotel bar as fast as she could, leaving Brooke frozen to her chair.

She felt awful. She didn’t realise that Vanessa had been so affected by her leaving. She also didn’t think that Vanessa had felt the same way about her as she did about Vanessa. Just yesterday, the idea of Vanessa having even the tiniest amount of feelings for Brooke would’ve made her burst with excitement, but now all she felt was guilt.

She grabbed the rest of Vanessa’s drink and downed it quickly as she tried to think about how she could fix everything and make it all okay. She ordered another two drinks after she came to the conclusion that she probably couldn’t. 

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 3x02 Chapter Forty-Six

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Jane is having problems overcoming the fact that her husband got shot and almost died, and I almost forgot… they haven’t even had sex yet and now they must remain celibate for six more weeks until Michael is rehabilitated. At this point, I have to wonder if the show will continue to force Jane into virginhood ONLY so that the title of the show continues to be truthful. That’s torture.

2) A urine swapping PSA? What…?

3) Xiomara gives Jane some good advice – if she’s still having nightmares about Michael getting shot and dying, then she should talk to him about it and tell him that she’s not comfortable with him rejoining the force. Jane, of course, tells Xiomara that she doesn’t want to tell him any of it, because going back to work is not even a possibility yet. But… the day will come, and it’s always better to talk this type of things out before you have to cross that bridge.

4) Ay, Alba…

I have so many questions, but most importantly, why?

5) Is Rafael actually acing the parenting stuff? I know I give him a lot of flak, mostly because he’s quite often the literal worse, but now he’s the one who talked to the pediatrician and figured out Mateo needed to go back to his routine, and he brought up the issue in such a mature way, too. Like, it’s obviously MOSTLY because of Michael being in the hospital and all, and yet he comforted Jane and told her that it was his fault, too, and that both of them needed to work on getting Mateo back to his normal routine. Don’t make me regret complimenting you, Rafael.

6) How come no one has realized Petra is not Petra yet???

Okay, so the whole plan was to get Rafael’s money and leave. That was it. A bit underwhelming, I guess.

7) See? The work stuff would come up sooner than expected. Michael is already planning his comeback, and Jane ended up telling him how she didn’t want him to go back to work at all kind of in a very crappy way. Michael doesn’t take it too well, at first, but then he assures her that if she truly can’t live with him being a cop, then he’ll quit. Typically, Jane doesn’t want to ASK him to quit, she wants him to want to quit of his own accord to avoid the guilt of making him give up his dream job. I guess they’ll have to reach some type of compromise.

8) Jane sets out to try and overcome her trauma, so she decides to get back to her routine and face the fear of losing Michael by going back to the Marbella and walking its hall. Except… we see her going back to her routine over what seems to be a period of time, but we don’t see her walking the hall where her husband got shot? So I’m guessing she won’t get over that real quick, right?

9) Yep.

Every time she tries to go back to the Marbella, she is taken back to the night where she found her husband all bloodied and nearly dead.

10) How is Michael so comfortable knowing that Rafael is still in love with Jane…? Huh? He’s all jokey-jokey and exchanging knowing glances with Xiomara and smiling? What…?

11) Is this the only way of distracting men Anezka knows?

I mean, it’s effective and all, but girl! Vests is not even all that!

But apparently he’s more skilled than Rafael? So I guess, good for you, Anezka.

12) Michael and Rogelio continue to be my BROTP. They’re so sweet and supportive and understanding, I just love them.

13) I guess Rafael is over Jane. Well, in this episode, he is. And he admits that when he was not over her, he would do about anything to please her, including choosing a school for Mateo he wasn’t totally on board with. Now, though, he doesn’t care if disagreeing with her upsets Jane. It’s a great character development moment, but I’ve grown accustomed to this show, and I know he’ll be back to making puppy dog eyes at Jane in one to five episodes, so… *shrugs*

14) Xiomara is forced to come clean to Alba about having an abortion, which was bound to happen since she felt so guilty about keeping it hidden from her, and… it didn’t go well. I think that when it comes to Alba no reaction is worse than a bad reaction, right? She just walked away without saying anything. I’m just hoping she doesn’t get too preachy when they do have the conversation and that the only issue she has with the whole thing is the fact that Xiomara kept it hidden from her and didn’t give her the chance to choose whether she wanted to be there for her daughter. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

15) Did he just…?

I thought he was being cheeky and poking fun at Jane, but… he actually slipped up and called his wife “mom”. This is not cute and funny like when one of my young students calls me mom in the classroom. This is potentially creepy and dysfunctional… And to make it worse, Rafael witnessed the whole thing.

And I mean, Jane is acting like a doting mother, and they’re newlyweds who haven’t had sex yet, so it stands to reason that he would see her as a this Virgin Mary type.

16) This is it. This is the show.

17)  So, Alba did take the self-righteous / hypocritical approach, considering she advised Xiomara to get an abortion when she got pregnant with Jane. And like, what’s the point? What’s the point of the whole guilt trip? It’s not like Xiomara can take the abortion back, and considering how distressing going through that can be, why would you add more guilt and shame to it? Why not be supportive and swallow your self-righteousness and I-told-you-sos? I’d somewhat get it if Xiomara hadn’t gone through with it yet, but after the fact? Seriously?

18) Jane thinks that Mateo biting people may have to do with people showing aggressive behavior around him, but maybe it’s because he’s feeding off her mom’s anxiety and tension over her trauma?

19) Fuck off, lady. Xiomara basically just conveyed the point I made before about how it’s done and they need to move forward, and this is her response?

Fuck off.

20) Michael’s attempt to make Jane feel like his wife instead of his mom again is sort of cute.

21) As usual, Rogelio continues to be the only beacon of light, brilliant, awesome, superb character in this show.

20) Yep, Jane does her typical research and reaches the same conclusion I reached 10 minutes earlier. Mateo is imitating her mother’s way of dealing with stuff.

21) Thankfully, this leads Jane and Michael to have a very honest talk about how they feel – with Michael admitting that he wants to go back to work and he’s not scared, and Jane confessing she can’t get the image of him lying on the ground. He offers to help her, and that’s sweet and all, but maybe instead of doing research on the computer and asking her husband for help, she should seek professional help. I know. A wild thought, am I right?

22) This was a specially sweet moment for Jane and Rafael as co-parents.

And they ended up loving the hippy school.

23) …which sort of led to Michael breaking down after coming to the realization that he was a victim and that he indeed almost died…

…which, I have to admit, really got to me.

24) You’re damn right, Rogelio!

25) Well, I’m glad she came to her senses by the end of the episode, although I don’t know what her journey to get here was. I’ll take it, anyway.

26)  Apparently, Anezka sleeping with Scott was the best possible decision she could’ve made. He’s promised to give her exactly what she was looking for to blackmail Rafael.

27) Hm…

I’ll believe it when I see it.

28) There were a lot of things that I liked in this episode. I liked seeing Rafael and Jane co-parenting in a healthy way, I liked how Jane and Michael navigated through their shared trauma, I liked Rogelio – as always. I didn’t like Alba’s reaction and then how quickly and inexplicably she overcame it. And to be honest, I’m over the whole Anezka/Magda storyline at this point. I just want to have Petra back. I’m still unsure about this season’s arcs, though. Maybe it’s a bit early to tell. It was a good episode, though.

29) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[parabellum-rpg-archive]

Congratulations, Sam! You’ve been accepted to play Mateo Lujan. Please make your page and send it in within 24 hours.

Admin note: This broke my heart in every way imaginable. The nickname. The graveyard visit. I can’t wait for Mat to break my heart on the dash. So excited to have you! - Admin V

CHARACTER DESIRED

Mateo Lujan

DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER IN YOUR OWN WORDS

It goes without saying that Mateo is a protective person. He was that way with Maria and he’s become that way with the entirety of the Costello family, the twins especially. They’re younger than Maria (though older, now, than she ever got the chance to be which Mat is painfully aware of) and that just makes him watch over them even more fiercely. Maybe it started when Mateo saved Luca all those years ago or just the fact that they’re the youngest members of the Costello family but he has quite a soft spot for them. It really grates on him that Luca’s being forced to marry a Sinclair and he’s more than willing to throw peace out the window if it means saving Luca from that particular fate. Mateo knows he can protect his family in any war that might break out and if it meant he got to take actual shots at the Sinclair family he’d be fully on board. Mateo’s well aware of the anti-wedding sentiment that most of the Costello siblings seem to be harbouring and, while he’s deeply loyal to Marcel, his hatred of the Sinclairs could overrule that should Leon or the others mention any sort of plan to disrupt the wedding.

While Mateo would never let his grief hinder his job in any real way (he actually likes to think it makes him better at it) he’s still struggling with the loss. The Sinclairs were obviously responsible for Maria’s death and he wants to see them all burn for it, but Mat also believes it to be his fault. He should’ve had Maria just as protected as he did the Costellos and the fact that he failed at that weighs heavily on him. His father would be so disappointed in him. If there’s one good thing about his dad being gone it’s that he never had to live through losing Maria, never had to be disgusted and ashamed of his son for not protecting her.

Perhaps it’s the fact that he hasn’t processed his grief properly or hasn’t let himself off the hook for Maria’s death, but Mateo’s gotten more volatile over these last six years. While he always had a bit of a temper, he’s more snappish now. He’s cracked down on security and even while he secretly hopes the wedding doesn’t happen, he’s been working on making it as safe as possible to make sure the Sinclairs won’t get away with anything they might try. He has less patience for those working under him and while they always respected him, they’ve started to fear him too. It’s not likely Mateo will go off the rails but the very idea of having to attend an event with so many Sinclairs puts his teeth on edge. He’s a passionate man who loves deeply and would do anything for the people he cares about and he’ll be damned if he lets the Sinclairs take anyone else from him.

WRITING SAMPLE

There didn’t seem to be a specific word for someone who’d lost a sibling. Losing parents made someone an orphan. Losing a spouse meant you were a widow or widower. There was a word for those things but what did you call yourself when your baby sister was dead? Mateo couldn’t think of himself as an only child because that seemed to erase that fact that she’d ever been there at all and she had, vibrantly. He could still remember her smile and the way she used to giggle as a girl. She’d called him Matty as soon as she’d been able to talk and it pulled his lips up in a soft smile as he thought about it, his back against her headstone as he blew smoke rings. She was one of the few who’d been allowed to call him ‘Matty’, her and the Costellos in more casual moments. No one else would’ve dared. If he closed his eyes and leaned his head back so he could feel the sun on his face, Mateo could almost pretend like they were just out sitting in a park having one of their talks and Maria’d reach over and swat his arm to scold him for smoking. It had never been enough to make him quit but she tried her best. The fact that they didn’t share a mother never bothered either of them. They were still blood, still siblings, that was all that mattered. She was in the ground now, though, just like his dad, and Matty was the only one left.

He opened his eyes and took another drag from his cigarette. It wasn’t as warm as he’d been trying to pretend it was and the light jacket he’d thrown on wasn’t doing much to stop the bite of the autumn chill in the air. He wasn’t ready to leave yet, though, not quite. Mateo visited her fairly regularly, even though it had been six years (how had it already been that long?) and his work was as demanding as ever. There was no real schedule to his visits but he got out at least once a week, if not more. He didn’t always talk to her which, considering how much he could be known to talk, was a little surprising. No, often it was just enough to sit here for a while. If he did talk, it was never about work. Mateo wasn’t stupid enough to pour out the family’s secrets in an open area where anyone could be listening. It was also just that he didn’t want her to be weighed down with that. Given their father’s and Mateo’s own involvement with the Costellos, she’d known some of what went on but she’d been so much younger so hadn’t taken much of an interest in it yet. She was more adjacent to the Costellos than the Sinclairs could’ve known when they took her out but obviously that wouldn’t have mattered to them. They had to neutralize a threat where they saw it even if that supposed threat was a young woman who was just starting to figure out what she wanted in life.

The thought soured his mood as it always did and the slight smile had dropped from Mateo’s face. With a final drag he stood up and put his hand on the beautiful headstone the Costellos had bought for her, keeping it there for a moment in a silent farewell before he started to walk away. He could see Leon waiting up the path for him, far enough away to give him space. Mateo hadn’t said he would be here but it wasn’t hard for the people who knew him to figure it out.

“Tell me we’ll make them pay.” Mateo’s tone was steely and Leon didn’t answer with words as they started walking to the cars but the look in his eyes was answer enough. One of these days, wedding or no wedding, the Sinclairs would get what was coming to them and Mateo just had to try and be patient until that day came.

[drsallygrissom]

Why We Love ars PARADOXICA

Back in 2016, the fandom made a list of 43 reasons why we love ars PARADOXICA in honor of the 73rd anniversary of Dr. Sally Grissom’s first audio diary on October 29, 1943. When I learned that the podcast was going to end after its third season, I decided to pull together another list that was double the length of the first. 

However, the fandom was so passionate that we blew past our goal, and reached triple the length of the original list!

Without further ado, here are the 129 of the reasons why we love ars PARADOXICA:

Helen Partridge, my beautiful, beautiful wife

I just love Kristen’s laugh and it never fails to make me smile.

Mischa’s outros! “Brought to you by the internet:” 

The TimeSwimmers episode. That whole thing was a masterpiece

Sally and Nikhil's friendship

Petra, my sassy troubled daughter

The effort that went into making such a truly unique and ambitious take on time travel-based fiction

Sally, my favorite disaster ace

All of the characters are just so beautifully flawed in their own ways and are so well depicted it’s hard to pick a favorite

Every episode makes me feel SO MANY EMOTIONS

The sound effects are just so well done that I feel like I’m right there with the characters

The subtle yet mind blowing foreshadowing

The way it endlessly inspires me to create fan content

The decryption team, who I don't understand yet love to watch unravel codes

The ability to make us both love and hate a character at the same time as much as we do Esther Roberts.

Jack Wyatt

The sass, and in general wonderful interactions with the fan base on social media.

The schoolyard brawl!

Very obviously not being afraid to have fun with ads/sponsored content.

Actually making me want to listen to the version with ads even though I'm a patron

Buttsticks…

Plasticity

The outro music is simple but so, so good

Lemon drops and Limestone

My curiosity about what Esther wrote in the letter

Golden boi and his devils lettuce

With three episodes left it felt like there was so much story left to be told and such little time to tell it

The generosity to keep us entertained between seasons

The subtle symbolism of Esther's mind being represented with card games

The heart-wrenching ups and downs of Esther and Bridget's relationship

Esther and Sally’s lesbian/aroace solidarity

Bridget, my mom

Sally's #relatable ace anxieties and Nikhil's comforting response

The super cool theme song by Mischa "i do not play piano" Stanton which they apparently HEARD IN A DREAM?!

The found footage pieces between scenes

The amount of detail put into it, and being able to notice new things on each relisten

Easter eggs like QDAM

Seemingly infinite pop culture references

The commitment to posting a transcript for each episode

The GOLDEN BOY smokes the devil’s lettuce?!

The Super LUminal Recursive Processor

All of the machine code names really

Mischa’s wonderful sound design that makes me feel like I’m actually in the location the episode takes place at and made me realize how wonderful podcasts could truly be.

Sally Grissom. The wonderful disaster ace and the first ace rep I ever found.

The sound design of the show, especially the tapes adding to world building, all those clunky sounds.

Sally Grissom, ‘I wonder what would happen if I...’, Mad scientist.

This show has the most complex, humanistic portrayal of aromanticism I’ve ever experienced

I appreciate the aP creators’ dedication to nuanced portrayal of and discussion about violence

All of Curses, of fucking course

Keeping the humanity of people who do bad thing while not trying to justify them

Their commitment to “all killer, no filler”

Reminding me that science is cool, dammit!

Petra is a lovely and nuanced, complex character that I adore with my whole heart and soul.

[BLUE BLUE 09 13 18 15 26 08 04 12 20 24 05 18 14 09 17 04 05 12 01 05 The weather in Tulsa today is: Drought. At the tone, the time will be: 5400 hours]

The creators are so so fantastic and fun! I love that they interact with fans.

Sally is the disaster stoner physicist we all need in our lives. also she’s relatable as hell

The show is not afraid to tackle issues like race, gender, or sexuality and it doesn’t overstep its bounds.

The codes are so fun (even if I don’t understand all of them)!

I love how excited scientists get when they’ve discovered something-it feels like real scientists I know

How Bridget criticizes Sally for making puns under pressure even though she does exactly the same thing

The way characters interact with one another, and grow, and learn, and develop is so fascinating and beautiful.

Plasticity might have been the first podcast episode to make me cry.

I love Sally “I only know anecdotal biology and chemistry” Grissom and how her science knowledge actually makes sense??

As a huge huge physics nerd and aspiring computer scientist, I love love love the way Sally talks about science! It’s like Kristen DiMercurio is narrating my inner monologue!

The thrill of trying to keep up with the diverging timelines

☭S̶͜�� ̀͜҉̀͢Í͠ ̸̸͟҉X̵͘͢ ̢T̷̶͞ ̢̨͟Y̧̛͘ ̨͟͢ ̴̨͜҉S̷̶͢ ̴͝Í͢͟ ҉̢̛͝X̕͝͝☭

The consideration and dedication shown in not only writing an aro-spec ace character, but addressing issues and worries often faced by people in that community.

The mind-boggling task of trying to piece together everything that’s happening when for all we know every scene could be from a different, rewritten version of the timeline.

Anthony Partridge, the most melodramatic math nerd to ever play Tetris in a bubble outside of time.

The optimism of the show and ultimate faith it shows in both science and humanity, despite all the characters’ failings.

Sally giggling over meeting her future self both times that it happens

Sally’s book (and her attempts at pronouncing NaNoWriMo).

Maggie Elbourne, because as much as I love all my the more morally ambiguous scientists it’s nice to see one who actually stood up to ODAR’s shenanigans almost as soon as she figured out what was up.

Everything about the road trip.

TimeSwimmers was already mentioned but specifically TIME DOLPHIN RYAN LOCHTE

Characters that grow and change and learn

The 77s getting name dropped in Plasticity, way before we knew who they were

Sally calling out the English language for being problematic (“oh, you mean like morally upstanding?”)

“The weather in Tulsa today is: uhh I dunno”.

It has been quite possibly the most human exploration of time travel I’ve ever seen/heard.

Reaching a happy ending I couldn't even imagine

The weather in Tulsa is: sppoookyyy

The ever changing ways the codes were presented in season 3. Giving the feeling that the anchorites were both on the run and broadcasting these messages from different points in time.

Sally’s ace representation is the best I’ve ever seen and it makes me feel so #valid.

The sound design and detail in the writing make me feel like I’m truly immersed in the story, and it feels so authentic. Are you sure you don’t secretly have a timepiece?

The characters are people I CARE about and wanted to cry over during work all the time because they’re all wonderful and I love them.

The integration of the different storylines into Sally’s, especially Petra’s, is amazing.

Petra’s characterization was really well done, and it made me really care about her, even as she was trying to more or less destroy the world.

Out-of-date pop culture references that fit seamlessly into the dialogue despite being from literally a different time period and most of the characters having no idea what it meant. They just added an extra level of hilarious.

You may not actually know a single thing about tachyon fields and gluon walls (are they even real?) but you could definitely convince me that you know exactly what you’re talking about (or at least that Sally Grissom does).

The enDING WAS JUST REALLY WELL DONE AND I LOVE A GOOD CIRCULAR ENDING AND IT MADE ME GENUINELY GO TO THE BATHROOM DURING WORK TO CRY BECAUSE IT WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL.

The fact that the whole show is wrapped up by the revelation that the entire show is actually Nikhil and Mateo curling up with board games and snacks trying to form a story out of these tapes, patching together timelines to make it all cohesive, it just feels very right.

This story fits the medium so well, and so the fact that we don’t learn that Whickman has an EYEPATCH is absolutely wild but also wonderful because as soon as I heard that I knew that that was how it belonged, like of course he has an eyepatch, that’s a very Chet thing to have.

The ending was so perfectly, painfully beautiful. It was the ending we needed but never would have imagined.

Petra’s and Sally’s relationship being so complex and real.

Nikhil and Mateo using the archive to create the framing device for the whole podcast.

The sound the timepiece makes.

The final destruction of the timepiece.

Putting time travel in a Cold War setting makes perfect sense, and they go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

Did anyone mention Helen Partridge as a character? How beautifully she was set up and the fact that she pursued her own her life, and also, how BEAUTIFULLY Susanna Kavee can sing? Because damn.

I just. Really love this show. And everyone involved. So much.

The child characters were really well done-both the actors and the writing felt real.

To me, the show feels a bit like one of those camp friendship bracelets everyone used to make, with all these colors and threads--all of the timelines, woven together, messy but beautiful.

TEETRIS

Grissom’s Gizmo Gals!

Mateo’s non-stop flirting, even in the worst of situations

Sally “It’s Dr Grissom”ed HERSELF.

The way both the story and the characters reflect a complex view on the world with people making horrible decisions and horrible things happening to them, and yet always maintaining a positive outlook, offering the possibility of change and improvement.

The top-notch voice acting from everyone involved, helping to create the wonderful characters we all love.

Sally finger-gunning her way out of a conversation with a pun about a friend almost killing her.

All the minisodes!!

Any time Bridget, Nikhil or Lou acts like they want to adopt Petra

The series ending with two characters who had been at odds coming together

The characterization of the different Petras, because they all seem like different people even though  in fact they are not (and Sylvia deciding she doesn't want to follow the legacy of Petras)

How Kristen can play 2 of the same character and make them sound different (how does she do that???)

Anthony’s will to save everyone, sacrificing himself, when the world didn't do anything good for him…

... and the constant struggle to save his friends (like when he was literally the only one aware of the Anchorites and the way their plan could have ended)

The way the show can go from time travel shenanigans to heartfelt character moments is a real testament to the talent of the writing team.

The Vegas episode, which I listened to after the finale and cried, because they were so happy and naive and everything wasn’t messy and bad and complicated.

The way gun violence is handled by the creators with respect and care

The way PTSD and mental health is handled (through Sally) is beautiful and respectful.

Partridge being named after a bird and living out his life in a cage. YOU GUYS ARE MEAN

Susanna Kavee’s absolutely amazing singing and Tau Zaman’s lyrics are an absolutely combination.

The ceaseless, unwavering commitment to puns

I love how important their friendships are to the characters (well, most of them anyways).

Sally’s conversation with Nikhil in season 3 reflects a lot of common anxieties of aromantic people, and his understanding responses

The entirety of the trial episode, which just really sort of showed the full extent of how terrible the Red Scare was by putting Esther, a Jewish woman, through it, and just shows you how defamed people in that time were.

In so many of the fictional and non-fictional representations of history, marginalized people have diminished, distorted, and stereotypical roles-but not in ars PARADOXICA. Thank you for making so many people feel seen.

All the amazing writers who started it all. 💜

Here are the signatures of some of the fans who contributed: 

Signatures

Lindsay (ioniluna/drsallygrissom)

Khanan Abayev

SJ (your friendly neighborhood slauthor)

Dave (mondas-mania)

Noah (kindadisappointed)

Sana (i-am-delta-s)

Tina (espressonist)

Meaghan (lafgl)

Katherine (Rubywolfsbane)

Artimis (jp-blindperson/ap-blindperson)

Luke (martianboyy)

Ellie (joan-and-jane-and-esther-roberts/shewrites)

Bridge (cornerandchair)

Lem (aceparadoxica)

Esme (starsparadoxica)

Glory (mercutiglo)

Carly (guardianbob)

Emese (mse)

Ben (Q)

Special thanks to the ars PARADOXICA discord for being so helpful! From the time it was just a dozen people with a spork in a shoebox, this community was a shining star that helped me through tough times. Thank you for your silliness, cleverness, and support.

Brought to you by the internet: It’s weird! It’s fun! It loves you very, very much!

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (3/?)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~2.9k (this chapter) / ~9k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3

Brooke Lynn furrowed her brows and strummed her fingers against the table. “So, let me see if I’ve got this right – you invited Jan over to practice for her audition, got wine drunk, then dry-humped until she got off?”

Jackie nodded in confirmation, her eyes fixated more on her coffee cup than Brooke – she had to build back up to being able to make eye-contact. “Then in the morning she was gone and she left me a note,” she finished, holding the piece of paper up. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“It wasn’t your smartest move,” she told her, trying not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. “But if she just left like that, she’s probably just as scared as you are. Listen, the first day I met Vanessa was a mess. I walked her home from work that night, kissed her, and then literally ran away. She still makes fun of me for it.”

The story made Jackie laugh, but it caught her by surprise as well. She had always seen Brooke as someone so unshakably confident. “I guess if things worked out for you guys, all hope isn’t totally lost…” She took another sip from her drink and sighed. “I still don’t know how I’m going to face her in class on Monday,” she admitted.

Brooke reached across the table and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Just focus on your work. I promise I’ll find something to keep you busy, okay?” As much as she wanted to continue her matchmaking game, she could see that the tension needed to diffuse before she tried to push them closer. Just because Katya lucked out didn’t mean lightning would strike twice.

Jackie’s entire body relaxed in relief. She was still anxious about seeing Jan again, but it meant a lot to know that Brooke was looking out for her. “Okay. Yes, thank you. I can work with that.” She nodded, then checked her phone. “I have to get going, though. I’ll talk to you later,” she said as she gathered her things, including the note that she tucked into her pocket.

Brooke smiled and waved her off. She stayed put, though. She was expecting Vanessa any minute now. They liked meeting here when they could, after all, it was the café A’keria recently became the owner of, the same one she’d started working in after the Starbucks fiasco all those years ago. It was sentimental to them now.

“Hey boo,” Vanessa greeted as she walked in, leaning over and giving her wife a kiss before sitting down. “Must’ve just missed Jackie, how’s she doing?”

“The poor girl is going through it,” Brooke shook her head sympathetically. “She and Jan got drunk and fooled around, and Jan left before she woke up. She left a Post-It or something.”

Vanessa frowned and shook her head. “Mh-mm, I hate Post-Its. If you’re gonna dip, send a text like a normal person,” she mused.

“Maybe she thought a handwritten note would be more meaningful,” she reasoned. “Regardless, she’s just gonna need some time to recover before we continue with any matchmaking shenanigans.”

Vanessa gave a firm nod of agreement. “Understood.” She sat quietly for a moment, strumming her fingernails against the table. “I wanna talk about the baby thing.”

Brooke blinked in surprise at the abrupt subject change but leaned in to listen attentively nonetheless. “Of course, what’s on your mind?”

“Listen… I know we got good genes and all, but I don’t wanna create a baby in a lab when there are so many kids that need a family. I had friends in foster care when I was little, you know? That shit must’ve really sucked for them. And I just think… You and me are in a position to really help a kid out,” she told her, then held her breath as she waited for her wife’s response.

Brooke reached across the table and held Vanessa’s hands. “Baby girl, if that’s what you want, I am a hundred percent on board. I think that’s a wonderful motivation to adopt. We can start looking at agencies as soon or as late as you want. I’m in this with you all the way,” her thumb stroked over Vanessa’s wedding band. “That’s what I promised you. That’s the promise I make to you every day as your wife.”

Vanessa blinked and looked down. “Shit, you gonna make me cry,” she mumbled, giving Brooke’s hand a light squeeze to reassure her she was okay. “Guess we gotta think about redecorating the guest room then, huh?”

“You know my weakness for interior design,” she cooed, pressing a kiss to the back of Vanessa’s hand.

—

By the time Monday rolled around, Jackie had talked herself out of most of her anxiety. When the time was right, she thought, she could talk things out with Jan. But until then, she had a job to do, a job that she did like.

Jackie’s main task was to write a lot of information on the chalkboard. It was perfect as far as she was concerned – having her back to the class meant she didn’t have to worry about making awkward eye contact with Jan. She had to admit, it was kind of a genius move on Brooke’s part.

Jan, however, was left with a predicament of her own. She and Gigi had sat in the front because even with contacts or glasses, they were both nearsighted as all hell. However, this put Jackie right in her line of sight, and she immediately began regretting her decision.

While the dress Jackie wore came down to her knees, the fabric clung to her body in a way that accentuated some of her best physical features.

And Jan hadn’t meant to stare – staring was rude and her mother taught her better. But she would be damned if Jackie’s ass wasn’t hypnotizing her. She couldn’t help but wonder how she hadn’t noticed before.

“You’re gonna snap your pen in half with the way you’re biting it,” Gigi poked Jan’s shoulder, snapping her friend out of her trance. “Also, some subtlety really wouldn’t hurt you right now.”

Jan blushed, looking down at her notes, which were nowhere near as detailed as usual. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gigi chuckled. “Please, your eyes were about to burn a hole into her butt.”

“They were not, I was just reading the board,” she insisted, but now that she had to actively avoid staring, her body seemed all the more compelled to continue. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to get her mind and body on the same page.

“Hey, you have good taste, I’m just saying be less obvious about it.”

Jan just buried her face in her notes, hoping that if she focused on getting work done, her mind would stop conjuring images of Jackie in various states of undress.

“...And that’ll just about do it,” Brooke Lynn was saying. “You guys are free to go, see you Wednesday.” She closed her book, punctuating the dismissal. Her eyes followed the students out of the room, waiting until they were alone before speaking to Jackie. “How are you feeling?”

Jackie exhaled deeply, dropping herself down onto the desk closest to Brooke’s as if she were dead weight. “I feel okay. I think not having to look at her made it easy. Have you seen her eyes? They’re so warm and brown and–”

“–And couldn’t stay off of you,” Brooke finished with a smirk. “Jackie, she is hot for you, you should’ve seen how she was staring at you. I already knew you have a great ass, but damn, it had a magnetic pull on that poor girl.”

Jackie turned a shade of red deeper and brighter than it had ever been. She suddenly became hyper-aware of her body, not necessarily in a self-conscious way – in fact, part of her was flattered – but it was overwhelming to process at first. “I guess she might not regret the other night that much then,” she managed with a strangled laugh.

“Honey, it’s pretty clear she wants a repeat performance. I wasn’t even paying all that much attention to her, but I swear I almost offered her a towel,” she chuckled.

Even though Jan was long gone, Jackie looked out of the classroom and into the hall, as if she could still catch sight of her. “I never thought I’d be relieved to be objectified,” she mused.

Brooke let out a light laugh at that. “So you’ll go talk to her?”

She shook her head as her gaze drifted back to the desk. “Not yet. Soon… Hopefully soon. I think I’ll know when I’m ready.”

—

“Well, other than you ogling the TA you fooled around with, I think today went well,” Gigi said as they walked back to the residence hall. “You ready for your audition later?”

“I wasn’t ogling her.” Jan chewed on her lip. “Don’t laugh, but…” She shifted awkwardly as she looked anywhere but directly at her friend. “I’m worried I might be too… distracted to nail it.”

Gigi looked at her friend with an arched brow. “First of all, yes you were. We established this. Second, you think you’ll be too horny to focus on singing?” She really did try her best not to laugh, but a small giggle slipped through. “Babe, just masturbate like a normal person before you go.”

She huffed. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? Lem’s probably gonna be in there, what am I supposed to do, tell her to leave so I can jerk off? We’re close, Geege, but I think there’s a line.”

“Then go in the shower. Jesus, do I have to spell it out for you?” Gigi rolled her eyes.

“You don’t think it’s weird to get off thinking about someone you’re not dating?” Jan asked quietly.

Her friend pinched the bridge of her nose. “At this point I just think you need to do it so you stop sounding so neurotic and paranoid. Hell, if I wasn’t in a committed relationship, I’d offer to help you out myself.”

Jan cocked her head to the side. “Thanks, I think.”

When Jan did get back to the dorm, she saw Lemon on her bed with her AirPods in, just as she’d anticipated. She waved at her to get her attention, waiting for her to take one of them out. “Hey sweetie, I’m just gonna shower before my audition. You know, get nice and calm,” she told her.

Lemon smiled and nodded. “Oh shit, I forgot that was today. Break a leg! But like, not in the shower. That would be bad.”

Jan chuckled as she grabbed what she needed to bring into the bathroom. “I don’t know where I’d be without your wisdom, doll,” she winked playfully before leaving.

The first thing Jan did once she got in the shower was put music on – this wasn’t her first rodeo, so to speak. Even with earbuds in, she knew she ran the risk of Lemon hearing her moan if she didn’t drown it out. With the music playing and water running, Jan undressed and stepped into the shower, letting out a sigh of relief the second the hot water hit her body.

After she washed her hair, Jan leaned against the shower wall, resting her head against the cool tile. She let her hand travel down her body. There was a moment of hesitation when her fingers grazed over her pussy, but after a deep breath, she began rubbing her clit with two fingers. Her eyes fluttered shut as soft, breathy moans slipped out.

“Fuck…” Jan wasn’t thinking about anything at first, but without even trying, her thoughts drifted to Jackie, to what happened the other night, to that day in class. And once she got started, there was no chance of stopping. “Oh, Jackie…” she moaned, rocking against her fingers. Her free hand went to her breast, groping it, and tweaking her nipple.

By the time her orgasm hit, Jan needed to rest her entire weight against the wall to keep herself up. Her legs were shaking and she was whimpering, taking deep breaths as she finally felt sturdy enough to stand back upright. After that, she just did a quick wash off her face and body before getting out and drying off, going back into the bedroom wrapped up in her robe shortly after.

“Hey, feeling any better?” Lemon asked casually. It was clear she hadn’t moved an inch this whole time, nor was she aware of what Jan had gotten up to.

“Much better, actually,” Jan nodded, taking the towel wrap off of her head and combing her hair out. “What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” she asked as she continued getting ready.

Lemon paused her music and took out her earbuds, she had been waiting for an opportunity to talk about herself. “Actually, I’m meeting up with a girl later.” She didn’t wait for Jan to ask before she continued. “Okay, so, like, I had just lit a joint and I see this really pretty girl – tall, you know how I like ‘em – and she seems hella stressed, so I offer her a hit. So, we’re smoking and chatting and long story short, we have a date tonight.”

“That was the short version?” Jan teased as she got dressed. “I’m guessing it'll be more of the same?”

She scoffed. “No… We’ll probably fuck too.”

Jan laughed softly as she straightened her hair, then pulled it up into a high ponytail. “Well, it’s always nice to have an itinerary,” she hummed. “I’ll see you later.”

—

“Next!”

Jan stepped onto the stage and held herself with confidence. She introduced herself, handed the sheet music to the pianist, and then she simply did what she did best; she sang. She gave it her all, emoting all the right words, belting all the right notes. There was a lingering rush of adrenaline when she finished. “Thank you,” she smiled politely and made her way off stage.

“Great job up there,” a distinct voice out of seemingly nowhere caused Jan to jump, startled.

“Oh, thanks Vanjie,” Jan smiled, running her fingers through her ponytail. “I didn’t realize anyone other than the directors were watching.”

Vanessa shrugged. “People gave up tryna tell me what to do a long time ago. Except for Brooke, but there’s always an exception for the wife. But anyway… you feelin’ okay? I don’t know all the details, but I know you had a rough weekend.”

Of course, Jan figured Vanessa knew more than she let on – she could safely assume Jackie told Brooke, and Brooke told Vanessa. But she hoped some details had gotten lost in translation. “Oh, yeah, I guess,” she bounced awkwardly on the balls of her feet. “Things are a little weird, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Listen, I’ve been in your shoes. The worst thing you can do is overthink it. Brooke did it, Jackie does it, and I get the vibe you do too. Not everything’s as deep as y’all make it out to be, you know?”

Jan chewed her lip and nodded. Sure, she knew Vanessa was right, but it was easier said than done. It wasn’t something she could simply stop doing, something she could just turn on and off at will. “The situation’s just… It’s complicated. But I get what you’re saying, I do,” she assured. “All I wanna focus on now is being able to sleep tonight so I can be ready to see if I got a callback tomorrow.”

Vanessa gave Jan’s arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “You got this. Ain’t no one around you doubting that.”

And Jan tried her best to take that to heart, she tried to stay positive the rest of the night, to turn her brain off when it was finally time to sleep. She was pretty sure she passed out at nearly three in the morning, but as soon as her alarm went off, she shot right out of bed.

Lemon rolled onto her side, watching Jan scramble to get ready with energy from god knows where. “How the fuck do you do that?” she mumbled groggily.

Jan shrugged as she brushed her hair. “It’s a blessing and a curse, Lem.” She checked her phone. “The callback list should be up by the time I get there,” she murmured, offering a quick goodbye to her roommate before she was out the door.

By the time she got to the auditorium, there was already a small group of hopeful actors forming outside the doors. And as soon as the list went up, they all crowded around it.

Too impatient to wait, Jan made her way to the front, offering haphazard apologies to everyone she bumped out of the way. It was worth it for the happiness and relief she felt when she saw that she was on the callback list for Veronica.

The first thing she did was call Gigi and did her best to not scream into the phone. “I got a callback! And there were only two other girls listed for Veronica, Geege, I’m this close to getting it. I can taste it.”

“That’s my girl, I knew you’d crush it,” Gigi replied. “You’re gonna nail the callback too, and don’t be afraid to take my advice again if you need it.”

Jan furrowed her brows. “How did you know I followed your advice?”

Gigi had a smug grin that Jan swore she could feel through the phone. “I didn’t.”