#did a 12 hour drive back home from my mom's yesterday feeling like this

[ashintheairlikesnow]

my brother brought his sick kids to family Christmas and now I am a plague riddled abomination weakly calling out for more hot tea from the couch while my body simply falls apart with me trapped inside it

[journiland]

Okay, so yesterday. (This is gonna be lonnng.)

I woke up earlier than usual and got the animals done, but Eclipse's udder looked really big and her tail ligaments felt like squish. (Mind you, I'm not great at feeling them.)

So even though it was 5 days early, it looked like she was going to go within 24 hours.

Vampire and I hustled and spent all day building the kidding stall (I'll get pics later), cleaning and putting clean hay on that section, and putting in a heat lamp, hay feeder, and waterer.

Meanwhile, Oldest was ALSO showing multiple signs of imminent labor all day, up in PA. And she really wants me there. (And again, she ALSO was early, not due for another month!)

Vampire and I worked until after dark, then went to clean the church. I had a bunch of milk that expired the next day, so I was making two batches of pudding, plus a double batch of the family favorite ham and potato casserole (for the fam), and ham, sunchoke, and broccoli casserole (for me, the nightshade-intolerant,) all at the same time. (New invention, it's a keeper.)

Oldest went to the hospital because her contractions were getting regular. She was 3-4 cm dilated and having regular contractions. They gave her multiple doses of meds, but she progressed to 5 cm and contractions weren't stopping.

She was really upset and really wanted me there. Her partner was not being very supportive. I hated to leave the goat, but video chat is a thing. I figured I could walk the guys through it if she needed help.

I can't drive in the dark, but I was about to try and just drive really slow. Vampire had skipped an entire night's sleep to build all the goat stuff. (He usually sleeps from early morning to late afternoon.) He wasn't any shape to drive, but he did call his mom, who was just about to go to bed (it was about 12:30 am at this point), and she agreed to drive me to PA. She doesn't mind driving in the dark.

I have distinctively different views than my MIL on many things, but I really appreciate her in times like this. We get along pretty well, though I have to censor myself a lot. (Especially now that the kids aren't little, so my language includes a decent amount of cursing 😂)

We left about 1:30am. Ish. It was very foggy. A few minutes after we left, Oldest said the contractions were slowing down a bit, but still coming. We kept driving, because 5 cm. But they kept slowing and finally stopped. We pulled over about 45 minutes after we left, and I was texting Oldest like mad, trying to figure out what to do. She finally told us to turn back and wait until morning. So we turned around and headed back. Fun little trip in the wee hours of the morning!

I was keyed up, but finally went to bed about 4:30 am. Woke up at 7:30. Goat not in labor.

Oldest was being sent home with a ten-day supply of anti-labor meds. After that, Grandkid will have cooked enough.

Although Grandkid is not due until right after April Fools Day, but he and goat were apparently both tricking me early! 😂

(I can't believe I stayed up and worked all day with no nap, and then went to bed so late. I did have the help of a good bit of caffeine. Possibly a bipolar thing. I was pretty keyed up the second half of the day.)

[marikos-diary]

It has been an eventful day! I have a lot to report.

I ended up going to bed last night around 11:30ish and I woke up just around 9 today. Mom had asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to the outlet mall with her when it opened at 11 and I told her yes depending on when I woke up since things are easier at night right now. So I was really relieved when I woke up at 9! I had set an alarm for 7, but I guess I slept through it. I guess I needed the rest. I’ve been so stressed and anxious lately so I suppose that isn’t surprising.

So, I had coffee and a soda that I had gotten the night before and woke up slowly. I even remembered to take my medicine! I considered taking my as needed one before going out but I was feeling good and not too worried and mom is my safe person so I decided not to.

Mom got us sodas and hash browns from Burger King and I guess there was a long line because I live right down the road from there and she didn’t get here until like 10:45! I was ready and was able to leave the house without much fuss and without needing to take a photo or video of the door being locked. These days I only do that at night before bed anyway.

So, the outlet mall was about an hour away and the drive was nice. We saw two Harris/Walz signs on the way! That was super cool. Presumably they were put up because it is hunting season and people will see them when they go up north. We talked some about the election and I told her about my security camera revelation and how I was sorry I didn’t do it sooner, and she was super supportive. I was worried about being judged for planning on putting one in my bedroom but nope she said she totally understood. I think especially as a young woman living alone it just makes sense.

Anyway I had a smoke when we got to the outlet malls and checked the camera just to see the cats. Callie was fast asleep on the back of the couch, and Boo wasn’t in frame so I assume she was in her tower. I showed mom Callie asleep through the camera and she said that it must be so reassuring. It really really is.

After my smoke we started at the Michael Kors store on the hunt for wallets. We found some good ones but nothing I super wanted, and also I was getting anxious because one of the sales people was kind of pushy so we left and moved on to the coach store. They had some super cute Halloween stuff and a wallet mom seriously considered but we ultimately left empty handed. We walked all the way to the Ralph Lauren store and checked there next. They had a super small selection so it didn’t take long to rule them out. We went back to the Michael Kors store and seriously considered some of them but in the end decided against it. Kind of a bummer, since we drove an hour out, but it worked out because now we each had a better idea of what we want.

We decided to stop in two more stores. I was casually looking for winter sweatpants and saw a store called something something cozy. But it was all leggings :/ no sweatpants in sight. Mom wanted to stop in the Skechers store so we went there, and she did end up finding a new pair of slip ons! She asked me if I wanted to look but I am a dedicated Keds customer because their stuff always fits me in size and style.

Then we made our way back home. We stopped at a Culver’s along the way and each got an order of cheese curds and another soda, as is our usual pharmacy pick up tradition. The wait was longer than we are used to because usually we go around 10am and this time it was 12:45pm but it was worth the wait. After that we made our way back to town and saw another Harris sign and that was really nice. We stopped at the local pharmacy for mom’s medicine and then she took me home.

I got home around like 2ish I think so I was gone for like three hours! Total record! And I hardly felt anxious at all. When I started getting worried about a break in, I just checked my front door camera and could see that it was closed and no one was there and that the system was armed. It really helped a lot.

I found a wallet online that I think I am going to get with the data I gathered while we were out today. It ticks all the boxes for things I want in a wallet, and seems high quality. So I’ll plan on doing that soon.

After finding a wallet and saving the listing I decided to look for sneakers and slip on boots for cold weather on the keds website. And I found both!!!! My sneakers are super sleek and are white with a red and a black accent line, and my boot slip ons are…. Also sneakers lmao but to me they are boots. They are tan suede I think with faux fur lining and a zipper on the side and fake laces. So I’ll just wear those at any time I would preciously have worn my sandals. Which is basically going out for smokes or to get a soda or something, or when it was warmer out actually wearing them out and about to outings. So that was really exciting!

And then I started thinking about how cold my feet have been getting in the house and how it would be nice to have a pair of slippers to wear with wool socks or even without but mostly with because of foot germs. And so I researched high quality slipper brands and found some moccasins from LL bean and got those. They have a real shearling lining and are a very cozy plaid color.

I don’t have anywhere to go now so I didn’t really pay attention to delivery dates since I am 90% sure I will be home to get it right away, but I think both orders are delivered in the next week or so. Maybe two weeks at most. So that is exciting. The rain yesterday really was a turning point for the weather cooling down, so I will be grateful for all my warm shoe options. And also my current sneakers are falling apart. So. I should probably toss them right now but I will wait until the new ones arrive.

THEN I went out for a smoke and had one in my car. I wasn’t as afraid of being caught as no one was out so I just vibed. I’ll go for another here in a few minutes. But while I was out there I felt kind of bad for ashing in the parking lot and tossing the butt there. Like, not super bad, because fuck McKinley, but kind of bad like oh no what if they collect them and dna test them and find out it is me!!!! Totally probably out there stuff but enough to make me feel anxious and think twice. So I went on Amazon and found one of those cupholder car ash trays and ordered it, along with some quality winter sweatpants. I have high hopes for those.

Both of those are being delivered tomorrrow… supposedly to the apartment. But everytime I have tried to have things from Amazon delivered here in the past they get delivered to the office which is kind of far away and really annoying!! And then I have to go there and I get super anxious and it is awful. So I have been getting them delivered to moms house which she is fine with and that’s okay but I also don’t like that because it is just irritating. And also she always asks me questions about what I ordered and I really really hate that because it feels like an invasion of privacy. I ask her not to and she stops for a while but she always starts again. It’s very stressful. SO I am going to try it delivering to the apartment and pray and hope it actually gets here. All of my neighbors get their Amazon to their APARTMENT DOORS without issue it seems. I mean, I see Amazon drivers delivering to the building most days. So why not meeeeeeeeee ugh. I will try and hope and we shall see.

Anyway, I am going to have dinner and then have a smoke. After I am going to watch a scary movie that I have been wanting to see. I am kind of anxious about that and it might not happen tonight but I am really really going to try! I’m going to take my as needed anxiety med and try.

That’s all for now. Talk later!

[agentstarkid]

.

I've been having a fucked up week at my job, my hours were changed, so essencially, now I wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come back from work, eat dinner, go to bed and repeat. From 8 hours, now I work 9 (technically)—I actually work 10 to 12 hours but being paid for 8. And now I have to work on Sundays from 5am to 3pm because "that's the business and sometimes we have to make sacrifices" (like my mental health i.e.). And all of this while being underpaid and not paid for extra hours. Plus now the company's higher ups are dissecting my area's work and questioning every single thing as if what we do is fool around on work hours—sometimes we don't even have time to eat lunch or go to the bathroom with all the things we have to do.

And I'm reaching my fucking limits here. I've been having more anxiety/panick attacks in the last month than my whole life.

Yesterday I was feeling so so bad, but I pushed through and finished my work hours. I was asked to hang out by a friend because it was the last time in a while that she was gonna be able to because she is gonna go through radiotherapy in a few days, and I couldn't make it because my boss thought that it was okay to start working at 7:39 pm and asking for things 21 minutes before my departure time.

I just wanted to come home and cry—I did cry at my job though. I wanted to just talk to my mom, for her to tell me that it's gonna be okay and to just let me cry.

I did cry in front of her what I heard was that I have suck it up, that she went and goes through worse everyday, that her day was worst than mine and lots of other things.

It's been almost 12 hours since I've gotten home last night, in 1h I have to go to work again and I can't stop crying. I can't look at anyone in the face or have anyone say anything to me because I instantly start fucking crying.

So, what did I learn so far is:

1. How not to be as a boss.

2. My problems will always mean nothing compared to my parents.

3. I should stop expecting comprehension and affirmation that what I'm feeling it's valid.

4. To treat people with dignity and kindness.

—

Off topic, but I totally understand Carmen Berzatto from The Bear, when he sees the the stove go up in flames and all he's thinking is that, if he lets it to consume everything, to burn the whole place down, it would consume and take with it all his anxiety-ridden thoughts, his doubts and problems. Everything would be gone. And I think about that a lot when I'm driving. What if I swerve the wheel a little bit? What if I get too close to the edge of this bridge? What if, what if, what if...

[stardustinmyhands]

7/5/24.

I’m sore and sensitive to any touch today. Must be having a flair up.

Yesterday we went to Olive Garden and then went shopping. We saw plenty of fireworks just driving around Mesa.

I just baked some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I put them in the freezer cause they taste best cold.

My nausea is finally feeling under control. I think reglan is a miracle drug. It stopped my chronic nausea and my frequent vomiting. I hope my drs let me stay on it. My GI dr gave me another refill on it

I also finally got my promethazine syrup filled. It took 3 weeks, and 3 different pharmacies to fill it, but I got it. It doesn’t knock me on my ass like it use to. I took it on Wednesday night with my sleeping pills minus my 150mg trazadone. I stayed awake for 2 hours due to my right elbow hurting and my right knee. I ended up just drugging myself and feel asleep after midnight. I woke up at 7 am, I was hoping I would sleep much longer.

Today I woke up to pee, and fell back asleep for another 1.5 hours.

Cause I was so sore today I got a massage from my girlfriend. It felt good.

So due to my low sodium issues I have to have a lot salt. So I drink electrolyte packets. I went to Winco yesterday and they had some of their own store brand ones for a reasonable price. I went to go make some today. You need two packets for one bottle of water. One packet only contains 10% of daily sodium, and 12 grams of sugar. They are cheap, but not work it. My water bottle holds 40 ounces, so two bottles and some ice. I would need 4 packets and there are only 2 packets of each flavor.

But one of the good things I did find is Celsius energy packets. Each packet contain 200 mg of caffeine. Since my work gives free bottles of water I can just bring some packets with me and use the water when I need the caffeine pick me up. I got dragon fruit lime flavor.

I took a 2nd dose of adderall, to help me human.

I haven’t been nauseous all day. It just started cause I’m drinking cold brew. Reglan is such a great help. I just took a Zofran for it. Why does Zofran have to make you more nauseous at first!

It’s 114° today. I am staying hydrated between my 2 cups of coffee. Where my mom lives it’s 75° today as the high.

I’m gonna do a few light chores around the home today. I work this weekend. I have an easy job for the most part. I just have to stand the whole 8 hrs. I wear compression socks though and that helps, but I do need new shoes.

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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[jaehyunhour]

teenage dream | mark lee

genre + idol → fluff, smut, tiniest bit of angst if you squint, high school au, virgin!mark (x virgin fem!reader) [they’re both 18]

word count → 4.7k

warnings → alcohol consumption, unprotected sex (always wear a condom pls guys), tiniest bit of cursing

summary → mark lee moves to your hometown halfway through your sophomore year of high school, and once he arrives you quickly fall in love with both him and the town you grew to hate. after you graduate, mark has a surprise for you that may or may not include going across state lines, losing your virginity, and asking for your hand in marriage.

“Mark, you can’t leave me. You’re my soulmate.”

“If I could marry you tonight, I would.”

“You know... it’s only about a 5 hour drive to Vegas from here.”

a/n → i’ve been writing this fic for well over a month and it’s finally done!! this fic is purely self-indulgent because 1) i’m in love with mark lee and 2) i think of him every time i listen to teenage dream by katy perry... as always please let me know what you guys think of this one! i think this is one of my favorite fics i’ve written

Before you met Mark, life was bleak. That was the only way to describe it. Your life was monotone, shades of light blue and gray; your daily routine was the same, you walked through life as a zombie and hated everything about your hometown. But when Mark showed up halfway through your sophomore year of high school, when his family moved from Canada, everything changed. You got to show him the ins and outs of the city, turn him into a real native, and fall in love — both with your hometown, and with him.

You can still recall the first time you got to show Mark what it’s like to be a local. You went downtown, taking the light rail and getting off at each stop, enjoying what the city has to offer, before getting back on and staring out the window at the scenery. Mark’s hand rested in-between both of your thighs in an attempt to warm himself, while the other pressed onto the glass window of the light rail and tapped lightly. You pointed out the window at different buildings, telling Mark the story of your life in this little town, and he sat quietly and listened. His gaze lingered on the moving buildings as you spoke, and he immediately felt his entire body warm. This is when Mark knew you were special.

Your high school graduation was bittersweet. You were choosing to go to a college only thirty minutes away from your home because of your family, and Mark was on the waitlist for his dream college in Korea. After all the names were called, and all the caps thrown in the air, Mark wove his way through all of the graduates and straight to you. He picked you up in his arms, spun you around quickly, and set you down.

“We did it,” he said, eyes wide and smile bright. He placed his hands on your face and squished your cheeks before pulling you into another hug. “I have something to tell you.”

“I can’t believe we graduated. Tell me,” you responded.

“I got off the waitlist.”

You let out a scream, pulling back from Mark and hitting him on the chest. “Oh my god, Mark! Holy shit, that’s incredible. So you’re going to Korea? W-when do you leave?” Your stomach drops at the realization that Mark will be going to an entirely different country soon, meanwhile you have to stay in a town that you love only because he’s in it. It’s not the same without him.

“I don’t leave until the beginning of September.”

“So you’ll get to move me into my dorm before you leave?”

“You think I would leave without seeing where you’re going to be living? I need to make sure that you’re being well taken care of in my absence. You know I’m kidnapping you and taking you with me to Korea if I don’t like the dorm, right?”

“I expect absolutely nothing less,” you said, both you and Mark’s families rushing up to you on the football field to congratulate you. Your families forced you to pose for photos, talked amongst themselves about your college plans, and made plans to throw you two a joint graduation party.

Two weeks after graduation, you’re laying down on the trampoline in your backyard as the sun is setting. It’s a Thursday night, your parents are out of town for the weekend and have left you home alone. You could throw a huge party, celebrate the end of senior year, but instead you choose to enjoy the alone time in your childhood home before you move out. You stare at the moving clouds, your chest sitting on your phone as you talk to Mark who’s currently driving.

“You know, I’m kinda mad that your parents still won’t let you come spend the night at my house. We’re 18! We’re adults,” you say.

Mark lets out a laugh. “My parents are scared that if they let me spend the night at your house that I’ll do drugs, join a gang, and get you pregnant all in one night.”

“Do I really give that vibe off? I thought your parents liked me! We’ve been inseparable for well over 2 years now.”

“They love you, you know that. You’re home, right?”

“Yuuuup,” you say, standing up quickly and jumping a few times on the trampoline. He can hear the creaking of the trampoline and whines.

“No fairrrrr, you’re jumping without me!” Mark says. You hear Mark close the door to his car and lock it. Before you can ask him where he’s headed, he walks through the front door of your house, through the living room, and out into the backyard. Mark hangs up the call, before jumping onto the trampoline with you. 

You get back down onto your back on the trampoline, grabbing at Mark’s leg and trying to pull him down with you. He lays next to you, rolling over so half of his body is on top of yours. He nuzzles his head into your chest and lets out a content sigh.

“You should really keep the doors locked when you’re home alone. What are your plans for tonight?” He asks.

“Mmm, probably watch a movie and eat something. I might raid my mom’s wine cabinet and finish a whole bottle by myself.”

“Woooow, look at you breaking the rules. Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?”

“I’m just trying to enjoy myself before college!”

“Look at what I got today,” Mark says, flopping onto his back and pulling an ID out of his pocket. He hands it to you and you inspect it carefully.

“This is a Korean ID,” you start. “Aaaand, it doesn’t even have your name.”

“Yeah! It’s a fake ID. Says I’m 21.”

“Why’d you pick Kim Soohyun for your name? And why do you need a fake ID? You’re legal in Korea, you can drink.”

“My mom says Kim Soohyun is my long lost brother, I thought it would be funny. I got it for tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Yep,” Mark says, plucking the ID out of your hands and shoving it back into his pocket. “Go pack a bag, we’re going on a road trip.”

“Where to?”

“It’s a secret, but it’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.” Mark lays on his side, and you can feel him staring at you. You turn onto your side to look at him. “Can you close your eyes for a second?”

You nod and close your eyes. Your heart begins beating faster and your breathing is labored. Before you can ask Mark what game he’s playing at, you feel Mark’s lips on yours. You gasp, returning his kiss, and he slips his tongue into your mouth. It’s not your first time kissing someone like this, but it’s definitely his and you can tell. His tongue peruses the inside of your mouth, and his lips are pressed firmly against yours. You try to push your tongue into his mouth in an attempt to control the kiss, but to no avail. Mark pulls back to catch his breath, and his eyes meet yours.

“You’re bad at that,” you whisper, letting out a giggle.

“Yeah, I thought I might be,” Mark says with a sigh.

“You’ll get better at it. W-we can practice,” you say, pecking his lips. “I’ll go pack a bag.”

Thirty minutes later, you’re sitting in the passenger’s seat of Mark’s car, watching him as he drives. His hands rest perfectly at 10 and 2, his lips pouting, and he watches the road ahead intensely. 

“You should probably sleep, it’s going to be a while before we get there.”

“How long?” you ask. You recline the seat and lay back, extending your hand out to rest on Mark’s thigh. “Hold my hand.”

One of his hands leaves the steering wheel and he intertwines your fingers with his. “About 16 hours? Just sleep, I’ll wake you up in like 8 hours so you can switch with me.” You nod, closing your eyes and willing yourself to go to sleep. 

You’re not sure how long you sleep, but when you wake up, Mark’s hand is still holding yours. The sun is shining through the windshield and you look over at Mark, who is also sleeping. You’re parked next to a gas station in what feels like the middle of nowhere. You check your phone: 8:35 a.m.

“Oh, fuck,” you groan, causing Mark to stir. You tear your hand away from his, shifting the seat up and pushing Mark to wake up. “Mark, get up.”

He groans too before sitting back up. “I just fell asleep.”

“Why did you let me sleep for so long? You drove for 12 straight hours! I’m going to go inside the gas station and buy some coffee, then I’ll drive the rest of the way. You can sleep until we get to wherever the hell you’re taking me.”

Mark tries to sleep for the remaining four hours of your drive, but he’s too excited to be able to sleep. Instead, he watches you drive and smiles proudly. Mark has always thought you are so beautiful, even in your current state — no makeup, hair messy from sleeping in the car, and bags underneath your eyes. He leans over and presses a rough kiss to your cheek before laying back down. 

“What’s gotten into you?”

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t like you. Yesterday before we left you practically shoved your tongue down my throat, and now you’re forcing me on a road trip. You’re not normally like this.”

“I just… I realized that I wasted so much time not doing the things I want to do with you, and I would’ve hated myself forever if I didn’t do it before I left to Korea.”

“You would’ve hated yourself forever if you didn’t make out with your best friend and force her to drive around before leaving to Korea?” You pause. “Where are we going?”

“Something like that. Uh… well, we’re in California,” Mark says, causing you to swerve.

“You brought me across state lines?! Maaaark, your parents are going to kill you!”

“They think I’m with Johnny-hyung for the weekend. Don’t worry, he’ll cover for me. I think we’re only like half an hour away from LA.”

“You’re insane, Mark. So so insane.”

“So this is Santa Monica, huh?” Mark says, looking out at the crashing waves in front of him and inhaling deeply, letting his lungs fill with the cool ocean air, sand getting stuck between his toes.

“This is so beautiful,” you whisper. “Thank you for bringing me, Mark.”

“I would do anything for you, I hope you know that,” Mark responds. He takes out a brown paper bag from his backpack, twisting off the cap of the bottle inside and taking a swig of it and gagging. You laugh, taking the bottle out of his hand and sniffing it before taking a drink yourself. 

“Why would you buy vodka? You know you can’t drink alcohol very well.”

“I wanted to see if my ID would work! It was pretty easy, I just handed it to the guy and spoke in Korean and he didn’t question it.” He takes the bottle out of your hand and takes another drink, this time more prepared and able to suppress the gag that bubbles in his throat. You turn to look at Mark, and he quickly shifts his head to stare back at you. Some people say they feel their heart skip a beat when the person they love looks at them, but when Mark looks at you, your heart stops completely. Your heart stops, your breath gets caught in your chest, and you stop blinking. You have to make a conscious effort to breathe in and out, and open and close your eyelids as Mark looks at you and overtakes your thoughts.

As you’re staring at Mark, memorizing every inch of his face as the Santa Monica sun sets, you feel your cheeks begin to heat up and your face begin to numb as the vodka hits you. He reaches out to pinch your cheek, smiling wide at your flushed face, and when you feel his fingers on your skin, you just know — this is real, this is love.

“You’re so cute,” Mark says.

“Says you.” You grab the bottle from Mark’s other hand, taking another deep chug before pressing the bottle to his lips. You tilt it and he drinks from it until he can’t handle the taste anymore, pushing it away slightly and letting you drop it between your bodies.

“Y/N, I—”

“Kiss me.”

Mark doesn’t need to be told twice; instantly pressing you down into the sand, body hovering above yours and attaching his lips to yours. He lets you lead the kiss this time, opening his mouth when he feels your tongue poking at his lips and allowing you to slip your tongue into his mouth. Your tongue traces over his teeth, before meeting his tongue and playing with it. Your hands come up to hold onto his face, and he softens into your touch. Mark feels dizzy — both from the feeling of your tongue in his mouth and the vodka hitting him all at once. He pulls away, panting as he tries to catch his breath.

“I feel like I’m living a dream,” Mark says, staring at your face with something you can only describe as love in his eyes.

“I want to go swimming,” you respond, quickly sitting up without thinking and hitting your head against his. “Owie, I’m sorry, honey. Don’t know why I got up so quickly.”

Mark giggles and sits up, peeling his shirt off and dropping it on the sand. “Let’s go swimming.” He stands up, trying to kick his skinny jeans off as you stand up and start walking to the water. “Y/N! Take your jeans off at least.”

“Nuh-uh, I wanna go swimming,” you say, stumbling as you walk through the hot sand as quickly as you can and into the water. You don’t even register how cold the water is, quickly walking deep into the ocean and letting the waves go over your head. Mark rushes to catch up with you, walking into the ocean in only his underwear. He pulls you into his arms and you wrap your legs around his waist, your arms around his neck, and rest your forehead up against his.

“I miss you already, Mark.”

“I don’t even leave for another 3 months.”

“I know, but I don’t want you to go,” you say quietly. Unwillingly, tears fall down your cheeks and mix with the salt water on your face.

“I’m so glad I finally found you,” Mark responds. “My missing puzzle piece. I’m complete.” He wipes the tears and water from your face and presses a kiss to your lips. 

“I can’t believe we’ve known each other for over 2 years and you waited for us to graduate before making a move on me,” you say, angrily pressing another kiss to his lips. “I’ve been in love with you since the day I took you downtown for the first time, Mark.”

“And I’ve been in love with you since the day you asked me to go downtown with you.”

“You’re so lame,” you say to Mark, just as a huge wave goes over your heads and crashes. You both burst into laughter and you untangle yourself from him, pushing the hair out of your face and trying to regain your breathe. You place your hands on Mark’s shoulders, letting them travel down his chest to the waistband of his underwear. You slip your fingers underneath, pulling the band back before letting it snap back on his skin. “Mark, have you ever… you know…”

He shakes his head no. “M-my mom told me I should s-save myself for someone special,” he says, nervously. “Have you, ever… you know…”

You shake your head no. “Let’s go all the way tonight. No regrets, just love. Just you and me.”

“Okay.”

You and Mark stumble into the Santa Monica Motel, only a 20 minute walk from the Santa Monica Pier, coming up to the front desk with your clothes still dripping and asking for whatever vacant room they have. The desk attendant rolls his eyes, handing you two a pair of room keys and sending you on your way. You walk into the room, one hand holding Mark’s hand, as the other held onto the mostly gone bottle of vodka.

As you walk into the room, Mark throws your things onto the floor and locks the door behind him. You drink half of what’s left in the bottle, giving the rest to Mark which he finishes quickly before stepping into the bathroom. As Mark is in the bathroom freshening up, you pull the sheets off the bed and throw them onto the floor. You then pull the cushions off the couch in the corner, attempting to make a fort in the tiny motel room. You set the cushions up, then use the pillows to try and complete the walls of your fort, before throwing a thin white sheet over everything and crawling underneath. Mark comes out of the bathroom and raises an eyebrow when he sees the mess you’ve created on the floor.

“Y/N?”

“Come meet me in the fort, honey.”

Mark crawls underneath the sheet carefully, trying not to destroy the fort he’s sure you worked hard on. Once he’s underneath and he sees your shirt sticking to your chest, and your skin-tight jeans seemingly sticking tighter to your skin, his heart begins to race.

“I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but I feel like I’m living a dream,” Mark says, letting his hand rest on your stomach. You reach for his arm, pinching him slightly and he lets out a soft moan. “What was that for?”

“Just to remind you that this isn’t a dream. This is real, and I love you.”

“I love you,” Mark responds. You pull your wet shirt up and off your head, letting it fall to the floor before you unbutton your wet jeans and try to push them off.

“Mark, I need help,” you whine. He laughs before helping you pull your jeans down and setting them on the floor with your shirt. He looks at your entire body up and down, taking in the sight of your matching bra and underwear.

He groans. “Fuck, I really love you.” Mark lets his body hover over yours, quickly enveloping your lips in a quick, passionate kiss. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you and bucking your hips up to meet his. Mark feels himself harden in his underwear and he whines into your mouth at the feeling of you grinding up into him. Your hands grip onto his cheeks softly just as they did when you kissed on the beach, and one of his hands reaches up to pull your bra down and let your breasts free. His hands grab at your chest as if he’s done this before, fingers tugging and tweaking your nipples and you can’t help the moan that escapes your mouth and is caught by his. 

You rip his hand away from your chest, bringing it down into your underwear and pressing his fingers onto your clit. His fingers reach down to your entrance, teasing it softly before collecting your slick and returning to your clit. He pushes down roughly, rubbing in circles and your hips buck up again. This is the first time anyone else has ever touched you, and you quickly feel the knot forming in your stomach. 

“Mark, I’m gonna—” you say, pulling back from his lips for a second and grinding harder into his fingers in an attempt to reach your high quicker.

“Really?” Mark asks in disbelief, eyes wide as he presses his fingers harder into you and takes in the sight of your body. Your chest is going up and down quickly, hips moving and grinding into his fingers, one hand gripping onto his wrist as the other grips on his hair. 

“Fuck, just a few more seconds, I swear, Mark,” you whine, and he speeds his fingers up. And surely enough, within a few seconds, you’re gripping onto his wrist tightly to stop his movements as you cum, clenching around nothing as you chant his name repeatedly. Mark lets you come down from your high on your own time, afraid of overstimulating you before he can even get inside of you. As soon as you’ve come down from your orgasm, you’re pulling Mark into another kiss and pushing his underwear down. 

“Y/N, I-I should p-probably get a c-c-condom,” Mark stutters as your hand grips onto his hard dick and pumps lightly. 

“Nuh-uh,” you say, letting go of him and bucking your hips, feeling the tip of his dick rub against your clit and letting out a content sigh. “I want to feel all of you.”

Mark nods, gripping onto the base of his dick and pushing himself into you slowly, letting you adjust to him. Once he’s all the way in, he lets out a shaky breath as you clench around him a few times, getting used to the feeling of being full of something more than your fingers. “You can move now, honey.” He nods again and slowly begins moving his hips, pulling all the way out before slamming back in.

Mark lowers himself more, making sure you’re chest to chest as he moves slowly inside of you. Your legs wrap around his waist again, arms around his neck, pulling him close to you as you close your eyes and focus on the feeling of Mark’s length moving in and out of you swiftly. Mark lowers his head, resting it on your shoulder and pressing a kiss as you let your mouth fall open in a moan.

“I love you,” Mark’s hips pick up speed at your confession and you let out another loud moan. “I love you, I love you, fuck, baby, I really love you.”

He balances his weight on his hands, pushing himself up to look into your eyes as he fucks into you like his life depends on it. You want to close your eyes so bad, want to focus on the feeling of Mark fucking you, but you’re mesmerized as his eyes look into yours. You’re afraid to even blink, not wanting to miss a moment of this, not wanting to miss a second of the way Mark’s eyebrows furrow as he looks into your eyes, then down at your chest, then down at where your hips meet, then back up into your eyes. He shifts his weight onto one hand, moving the other to your clit and your eyes instantly roll into the back of your head.

“Look at me, baby,” Mark says quietly, angling his hips to meet that spot inside of you, and you struggle to keep your eyes open and looking at him, but you try. 

“A-are you sure you’ve n-never done this before?” You ask, clenching tightly around Mark as he fucks you and rubs your clit. 

“N-never ever. Been saving myself for you.”

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you whine.

“Cum for me, baby, please.” Mark says, and you nod as he presses his fingers just a little harder, pushing you over the edge quickly. The feeling of you clenching around his length sporadically, and your fingernails digging into his back, is enough to push him over the edge, and he’s cumming in you in thick white ropes. He lets out a deep groan as he cuts inside of you, giving you everything he’s got. He falls on top of you, not even bothering to pull out, and you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close. You wipe the sweat off from his forehead and let out a laugh that he returns.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” you say.

“Are you on birth control?” Mark asks.

You flick his forehead and giggle. “Yes, I’m on birth control. I have been for like a year.”

“Oh thank God,” he lets out a sigh of relief.

You bask in the silence of the motel room for a second, realizing you’re still on the carpeted floor in the fort you’ve built. “Lets get into bed.”

Mark fixes the sheets and pillows onto the bed as you use the bathroom, and when you emerge from the bathroom naked and crawl into bed next to him, he feels his chest swell with love for you. As soon as you’re in bed with him, you snuggle into his body, resting your head on his chest and closing your eyes, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

“Your heart is beating really fast,” you whisper.

“Because of you,” he responds. He pushes you off him slightly, pushing you onto your back and resting his head on your chest. “I wanna be held.”

“You’re such a baby.” You play with Mark’s hair, enjoying the silence before it hits you that Mark is going to leave you. You’ve finally gotten the boy you love, given everything to him, and within a few months he’s going to leave you and start a new life while you’re stuck in your tiny town. Your chest begins to warm in anxiety at the thought of having to be away from him, and tears well in your eyes. “Mark, you can’t leave me. You’re my soulmate.”

“Come with me, then.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” The tears drip down your face slowly and Mark can tell you’re crying by the way your chest contracts underneath him.

He sits up quickly and looks down at you, eyes flickering to your bare chest for a split second before looking back up into your eyes. He wipes the tears from your face. “Y/N, I’m serious. Just take a year off and come with me to Korea, and then you can start school there. I’ll take care of you, I promise.” He leans down and presses a kiss between your breasts before coming back up. “I can’t live my life without you.  Please come with me.”

“Mark, my parents would kill me. Moving to a new country for a boy I’m not even married to? You’re insane.”

“If I could marry you tonight, I would.” Mark thinks for a second and grabs his phone from the table next to the bed, unlocking it and shielding it from your view as he looks something up.

“What time is it?”

“It’s midnight,” he responds.

“You know… it’s only about a 5 hour drive to Vegas from here.”

“And?”

“If we start driving now, we can make it by the time the sun rises.”

“Aaaaand?”

“Aaaand, wecouldbeimpulsiveandgogetmarriedmaybeifyoureallymeantit,” you say quietly.

Mark lets out a hearty laugh before rolling over onto you and pressing a flurry of kisses all over your face, before pulling you into a long kiss.

“What was all that for?” you ask.

He unlocks his phone and hands it over to you, showing that he was looking up 24 hour pawn shops nearby.

“I had the same thought. I thought maybe we go out and get some food, hit one of these pawn shops and get some rings, then drive over to Vegas.”

You let out a laugh and peck his lips. “Let’s go then, baby.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on your parents’ face when you tell them I convinced you to drive across state lines, get married to me, and drop out of state university to move to another country with me.”

“They’ll just have to deal,” you say, getting up out of bed and cringing as you put your wet clothes back on. “I have dry clothes in the car. It’s still parked by the beach, isn’t it?” Mark nods in response, slipping his wet clothes back on and leaving the room keys with the front desk attendant. Your hand slips into his as you walk in the dark streets of the city, walking towards the beach where Mark’s car is parked. “Can we stop in San Francisco on our way back home? I want to see the Golden Gate Bridge.”

“We can do whatever you want, baby.”

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know. I love you, too. You know that, right?”

“I know,” you sigh contently. “I can’t wait to spend my life with you.”

[goldentournesol]

All That Matters

*gif originally posted by @heat-waveee​ *

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Reader doesn’t visit Spencer in prison.

Length: 3.0k

A/N: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 12 FINALE AND BEGINNING OF SEASON 13! 

Part 2: Here For You

masterlist

Spencer’s absence was felt in every aspect of her life.The bullpen wasn’t the same without him, her apartment, although they lived separately, wasn’t the same without him, even the jet wasn’t the same. She was so used to looking over and seeing his tall frame sprawled over that beige couch that she found herself glancing over out of habit just to find someone else there. It was just as disappointing every time. Her heart ached for him. It ached because she knew that there was nothing more she could do to help him or ease the pain he felt as he was being tortured in prison and it took a huge toll on her mental health. Everyone else had visited him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Hey, Spence.” JJ said tearfully as soon as he took a seat across from her in the visitation room.

“Hey, is everything okay? It’s not my mom, is it?” He hurriedly asked with slight panic.

“No, no, she’s fine. Y/N and I saw her yesterday, she asked about you.” She nodded, smiling in an attempt to reassure him. He mirrored her expression with relief when she told him his mother thought he was at the beach. A short silence ensued.

“How are you doing?” JJ asked, as sympathetically as possible. Spencer fought back tears.

“I’m okay. I’m, uh, really happy to see you.” He admitted, even though he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea she was visiting. However, she reminded him of the promise she made him the last time she saw him. She promised she’d never leave him alone.

“How’s…” he paused with a swallow, “Y/N doing?” The question came out tentatively, his facial expression displaying something between a grimace and a hopeful look. The last time he’d seen Y/N in the courtroom, she was in a silent fit of tears.

“She’s...fine.” JJ lied. Spencer raised his eyebrows questioningly. It didn’t take a profiler to know that that was a straight up lie. “Alright, she’s not doing very well. I just didn’t want to tell you that because I knew you would worry about it and I don’t think you need any more of that.” She gestured around. Spencer heaved a sigh. He expected her response, he just didn’t want to hear it. 

Later that day, JJ found Y/N at her desk, nose deep in a file. Her eyes were frantic as they raced through the words on the page, hoping to find something useful. She had thrown herself into the case files, the Spencer-related and the non-Spencer-related. When she wasn’t occupied with the work, her mind would wander over to Spencer, which would send her into a whirlwind of panic, guilt, and rage. 

Panic because she didn’t want to imagine what he was going through, alone, scared, hopeless--. 

Guilt because she hadn’t visited him yet, she just couldn’t bring herself to see him. Not when she couldn’t wrap her arms around him, not when she couldn’t kiss him, or hold his hand. 

Rage because time was moving so slowly without him and they weren’t any closer to getting him out.

She hadn’t heard JJ come up from behind her and rest a hand on her shoulder. She yelped out in response, having been totally focused on the file.

“Woah, sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” JJ said as she was met with Y/N’s red rimmed eyes.

“It’s alright.” Y/N muttered softly.

“Y/N, when was the last time you took a break? Or got some sleep?” JJ asked, noticing the constant nervous tapping on her thigh.

“A break? I can’t--I can’t take a break, JJ!” She uncharacteristically snapped, standing from her seat. JJ took a step back at her sudden outburst, her friend’s eyes aflame. 

“How am I supposed to take a break when he’s in there, probably terrified out of his mind?! How do you think he would feel if he knew I was sipping on some tea or...or styling my hair instead of helping him get out of there?” She spat, not even caring that she was gaining attention from people around her. She didn’t know that this was the guilt taking over and speaking for her, but JJ knew.

“He asked about you today...again.” She stated coolly, seeing Y/N’s angry expression soften immediately. She averted her gaze quickly, heart wrenching in her chest. She grabbed some files and made a move to leave, probably to shed some self-wallowing tears, but JJ stopped her by grabbing her arm gently.

“We’re going to get him out of there, I promise. But we need you on board with us. I suggest you go home and get some rest. This won’t be solved overnight.” JJ assured her with a determined voice. Y/N pulled her arm out of her friend’s grip and made a beeline for the exit.

It’s not like she didn’t want to see him, of course she wanted to see him. She wanted to see him more than anything, but she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t rest until she caught the son of bitch who put him in there. Spencer wanted nothing more than to see her face and hear her voice.

 At first, he genuinely couldn’t blame her for not wanting to visit, but as matters outside the prison began to worsen, the matters inside were on another level. Then, hope began to elude him. He stopped hoping to see her, stopped hoping for a future. Spencer struggled to see his future as anything other than void and bleak as the four walls of his cell consumed him every night. He tried to file away any resentment he felt for her, he even stopped asking JJ about her. Whether or not she chose to share anything about his girlfriend was completely her choice. It had become too painful for him to think about her, let alone talk about her. 

And in the beginning, he was thankful for his eidetic memory because it allowed him to replay their conversations and memories on a loop. But now, the memories mocked him and kept him up at night. She became a part of his past life and he didn’t know whether his new life after prison could accommodate her.

What if they never solved the case? What if he had to spend the entirety of the 25 years in prison? Would she come see him then? At what point would she move on from him? Would she even bother showing up to break up with him? Or would he eventually have to learn from JJ that Y/N found a new lover as she mistakenly mentions her name in conversation?

This is ridiculous. She loves him. He knows that.

Right?

 Curse the intricate inner workings of his brain. It never ceased. He shouldn’t be thinking this way. But pulling himself out of the darkest place he’d ever been was proving to be increasingly difficult. 

Rage filled him as he learned of his mother’s abduction. He didn’t know why he expected Y/N to come take him home when he’d been released instead of JJ. He shouldn’t have done that. He also shouldn’t have felt disappointed when he saw Penelope all by herself right outside the prison doors.

But he did.

No one mentioned her on the way back to the headquarters, but she invaded his mind anyway. He didn’t have the time or the energy to be thinking of her, he needed to find his mother. 

She had been eagerly awaiting his arrival in the bullpen with the rest of the team. She grinned for the first time in months as she saw his tall figure appear through the glass doors. She watched as Rossi grabbed Spencer’s face and kissed his cheeks before pulling him into a bear hug. She watched Emily stroked his hair and kissed his head. Even Matt threw his arms around Spencer. Tears fell as she watched the scene unfold across the room from her desk. 

Spencer’s entire attitude shifted as his eyes finally landed on her. His smile dissipated, his shoulders were pushed back, and his eyes, his kind, soulful eyes were cold as they bore into her wet ones. She felt a shiver race its way down her spine. The air in the room shifted. It was eerily quiet, everyone waiting for the fallout. But Spencer stood still and silent, neither of them making the first move. There was so much left unsaid between them.

“Let’s go find my mother.” Spencer spoke as he averted his gaze from her and made his way to the conference room. 

A silent sob wracked through her body as she fell back into her chair, her fingers gripping at her roots in frustration. Penelope rushed to her quickly and tried to console her, the rest of the team already in the conference room discussing the case.

“Go help the team, I’ll have Emily brief me later.” Y/N said, taking a deep, shaky breath as she pried Penelope off of her frame. Penelope reluctantly nodded and made her way into the conference room. Spencer’s expression was stone cold and indecipherable as he watched Y/N scurry off into the direction of the bathrooms through the window. 

Hours later, they had managed to retrieve Diana after learning that Cat Adams was in fact impersonating Mr. Scratch along with some help from Lindsey Vaughn. They were now doing the best they could to track down the real Mr. Scratch, but the team had been caught in a horrific car accident, which led to Emily’s abduction. Spencer was currently at home with his mother. Y/N, Penelope, and Matt hadn’t gone with the rest of the team. Y/N had been too shaken up to go out into the field.

“Y/N, get Spencer and meet us at the hospital!  Rossi’s refusing treatment until he talks to you two!” Matt yelled as he and Penelope raced to the hospital. Y/N nodded and called Spencer. Her name was the last he wanted to see on his phone, but he picked up anyway. He almost didn’t.

“Spencer! There’s been a terrible accident, Emily’s been taken by Scratch, I’m picking you up now! Rossi’s refusing treatment! I’ll explain everything on the way to the hospital.” She spoke frantically into the phone, speeding off into the direction of his apartment. He hadn’t even had time to reply before she hung up. Minutes later, he got into the car and noticed her panicked state.

“Are you okay to drive?” He asked, immediately noticing her rapid breathing, wide eyes, and white knuckles from gripping the wheel tightly. She met his eyes, shaking her head. Spencer saw the tears and switched places with her, driving to the hospital. He also noticed how she failed to manage her breathing.

“Hey, hey. Try to match my breath.” He breathed in and out slowly. She shook her head in disbelief, hating the fact that this was their first encounter. He was still the caring man she fell in love with, even though she knew he probably hated her guts right then. Her breathing evened itself out and she fiddled with her fingers.

“I’m good, I’m good.” She muttered, mostly to herself, “Spencer, I-” she began but he cut her off harshly.

“Not now, Y/N.” He spat as he rolled into the hospital, searching for JJ and Rossi. Y/N’s heart wrenched as he ran to JJ’s side, treating her with the tenderness she craved. She found Rossi and ran to him quickly.

“Where’s Spencer? Get Spencer.” He uttered, obviously in pain. Y/N brought Spencer over.

“What’s going on?” He asked, walking into the room.

“Shut up and listen.” Rossi demanded, eyes shifting between Y/N and Spencer, landing on Y/N as he spoke, “First, you, go through my pants pockets and find my keys. Second, you’re back on the team.” He referred to Spencer.

“Not sure I should be. Has the director approved that?” He asked.

“I’m making the calls now. I’ll take the heat. You’re back on the team.” He panted.

“I’ve got the keys.” Y/N said, holding them.

“There’s a little one there to a file cabinet in my office. Inside, there’s Chicago Bears season tickets. When you get them, call Matt Simmons. I promised him those tickets.” He seemed adamant.

“Rossi, did they give you something to make you loopy?” Y/N asked.

“I’ll get the doctor, we’ll get him into surgery.” Spencer stated and made a move to leave.

“Just shut up and listen.” He insisted, “Emily is missing. Stephen is dead. As for you two ass clowns, you’ll do me the courtesy of following my orders. And for the love of God, work through whatever it is you two are going through and then I’ll go into surgery.”

She and Spencer nodded as they left the room. “This has nothing to do with season tickets.” She stated and he agreed.

“Ass clowns?” Spencer muttered confusedly and she repressed a giggle. 

They had been so caught up in the urgency of the case that they hadn’t found the time to talk, but Y/N was glad that Spencer was at least conversing with her, even if it was strictly about the case. With Emily now found and Scratch finally dead, they learned to breathe again. Y/N offered to drive Spencer home from Stephen’s funeral, seeing how morose he seemed. He reluctantly agreed and got into the car.

“I know you don’t want to, but we really have to talk.” She said softly, afraid that if she spoke too loud, he’d either snap or break. It was unclear which was more likely to happen.

“Now’s not really the best time, Y/N.” He spoke defeatedly, his hands running over his face and digging into the sockets of his eyes.

“It’ll never be the right time, Spencer.” She pushed, “I missed you.”

He laughed crudely, almost mocking her, “Oh, you missed me?”

“Yes, I missed you. Of course I missed you. I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Sorry?!” He practically screeched, turning to face her. Her jaw clenched in reaction as she focused on driving. 

“You’re sorry for what exactly? For not coming to visit me? For not bothering to write me any letters? For practically pretending like I didn’t exist? Do you have any idea how often I hoped to see you? Do you have any idea what it feels like to be disappointed to see one of my best friends because I was hoping it was you? I hated myself for it, but it happened. How could you, Y/N?!” He seethed, voice uncharacteristically booming through the small space between them. It was laced with hurt and betrayal. She abruptly pulled the car over on the side of the road and turned to look at him. 

“How could you forget about me like that?” Spencer’s voice was small and shaky, tears threatening to spill.

Her own tears found their way down her cheeks as she stared at his heartbroken face, “Forget about you? I could never forget about you, Spencer.” She sniffled softly.

“You were all I could think about. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I’m pretty sure I developed an ulcer from the stress, by the way. I didn’t visit because…” she swallowed, pausing to blow her nose, “because I was angry. I was so angry, Spencer. Not at you, of course. At the situation. It was unfair to you and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know no amount of apologies will undo it, but I couldn’t handle it. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle seeing you in there and not be able to hold you or kiss you or...or touch you.” She paused again to blow her nose. 

Her words were disguised by the sobs, but Spencer managed to comprehend them. “It would have been too painful for me, I’m sorry. I was too weak and too selfish. You deserved so much better than that, I know.”

Spencer’s heart ached to see her cry, but he was so upset that he didn’t know if he could forgive her just yet. His throat got that familiar feeling of being so tight that he couldn’t speak. He just shook his head and rubbed at his eyes, turning away from her.

“Just take me home.” He whispered and she nodded, pulling herself together. Spencer occupied himself with a loose thread on his clothes, the soft hum of the engine was the only thing filling the silence between them.

She pulled up in front of his apartment complex and he was about to step out of the car when she reached for his arm, stopping him. She drew her hand back immediately, realizing that that was the first time they made physical contact since he got back. She hoped she wasn’t overstepping. He stared at her curiously at both reaching for him and drawing back.

“Spence, I understand if you want to end things. I just...I love you. I never stopped loving you and I never will.” She reminded him and he nodded, the tenderness she’d grown so used to returning to his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He spoke quietly, offering her a tight smile that obviously hid a lot of pain. 

She watched as he got out of the car and disappeared inside the building. He hadn’t confirmed nor denied that he wanted to end things with her and she didn’t know if she should be relieved at that. All she did know though was hearing those four words from Spencer again breathed a new life into her lungs.

He still loves her.

That’s all that matters.

Part 2

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Leaving Paradise: Part 4 | JJ x Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

summary - your vacation in the outer banks is quickly coming to an end but that means saying goodbye to jj

word count - 1.1k words

a/n - so "later this week" in june might have turned into april 20201 but here is the fourth (and final) part of leaving paradise! sorry for the wait! enjoy the ending!

check out my masterlist here!

——————————————————————————

JJ docked HMS Pogue as the rain continued to pour down around you. He jumped out of the boat, quickly securing it as the waves from the storm rocked it back and forth, threatening to throw you into the water with every movement.

JJ looked up at you, using his hand to shield his eyes from the rain.

"It's just up here," he yelled to you. He held out his hand and you grabbed it, climbing out of the boat and running up the dock toward the house.

The rain coming down was surprisingly cold for summertime but the adrenaline coursing through you kept you warm enough.

A small house came into view at the top of the hill.

"Welcome to the chateau," JJ shouted over the sound of the rain. "The twinkie's not here so John B's probably at the Cameron's."

"The what?" You asked, confused.

"It's this old Volkswagen van John B drives," JJ replied.

He ran up the porch steps, pulling you inside behind him. Heavy breathing and bits of thunder filled the air as the two of you finally took shelter from the storm picking up around you.

"Oh my god," you laughed. "I'm shocking wet."

JJ's blue eyes locked with yours for a moment and then he was closing the distance between of you. His lips landed on yours with a sense of urgency. He forced you backward, pinning you against the wall as he kissed you. Your head was spinning.

You wrapped your arms around JJ's neck leaning into the kiss with a growing need. This was a different version of JJ than the one that had kissed you yesterday at the cliffs or earlier today, lazily on the boat. The tension between the two of you was electric and feverish as if you both knew that this was exactly where the day had been leading.

You could feel the rainwater dripping off the both of you leaving puddles on the floor but you couldn't care less. JJ's hand left little sparks on your skin as they moved across your body. His fingers ghosted over your chest and then the hem of your bikini bottoms. You tell just how badly he wanted you out of them.

You reached to pull his soaked shirt over his head as he moved his mouth down to his kiss your neck.

"JJ," you whispered into his ear. "I want to..." You didn't even have to say the rest. JJ knew exactly what you mean.

His eyes came up to meet yours. "You sure? Cause I fucking really want. But only if you're sure."

"A hundred percent sure." You replied and JJ's laced his finger withs yours pulling you into the bedroom he'd claimed as his long ago.

...

Your ringing tone pulled you out of sleep. You lifted your head off JJ's chest and rubbed your eyes as your phone continued to beep in the back. You picked it up off the bedside table where you had left it last night.

You left out another yawn and JJ shifted next to you, still mostly asleep.

The screen lit up as another text came through. This was from your sister.

8:15 a.m. Where are you?

8:45 a.m. y/n?

8:47 a.m. ???

9:22 a.m. Mom is so mad.

9:22 a.m. Dad's threatening to leave for the airport without you.

Your eyes flew across the screen, reading the messages. There were another three from your mom.

12:21 a.m. Please be home by 2

7:45 a.m. WHERE ARE YOU Y/N

8:15 a.m. You have half an hour to get home.

Shit, shit shit. You thought. Your flight was supposed to leave at 11 and you were naked in a bed with a boy you'd know for three days. You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath to steady yourself. What had you been thinking?

You needed to get back to the vacation house. You had to pack and leave. You couldn't be here.

You jumped out of the bed and JJ groaned at the sudden movements.

"JJ," you hissed pulling on his shirt that was laying on the floor. "JJ, I have to go. I have a flight." You searched the room frantically for your swimsuit but couldn't find your top.

Fuck it, you thought. I'll have to go without it.

JJ hadn't moved from the bed.

"You have to take me back. JJ, please get up." You could feel tears collecting in your eyes but you weren't sure if it was anger or sadness or fear of what consequences your parents might hand out. You turned away from him and whipped them away before he could see.

"I don't think John B's back so we'll have to take my bike." You heard JJ say as he finally dragged himself out of bed.

"Okay, that's fine." You walked out of the bedroom without looking at him.

You grabbed your bag off the floor near the front door and walked outside. JJ appeared next to you moments later.

"Hey," he started. "You're not regretting that we like..."

"Sleep together?" You finished.

"Yeah," he replied. Neither of you dared to make eye contact. JJ ran a hand through his blonde hair nervously.

"No, JJ." You paused. You didn't regret it at all. In fact, you wished the night had never had to end. You wished you could have spent the rest of the summer here with JJ. "I just have a flight to catch." You finished.

"Oh, okay. Let's go then."

You climbed onto the bike, settling comfortably behind him. You rested your head on his back as he drove away from the chateau and every bit of magic the last three days had been.

...

JJ slowed the bike a few houses down from the one you were staying in. You could see your parents loading the car up in the driveway.

You wanted to kiss JJ goodbye and find the words to tell him what the last three days had meant to you. How every time he kissed you, it stirred this feeling inside of you that you couldn't name but you longed to never stop feeling. How you wanted to be a part of his life because being with him felt like living. You wanted JJ to turn the bike around and hide out with him in the chateau until your parents sent the FBI to drag you home.

But you could feel your parents glaring at you, their speeches about responsibility and maturity on the tip of their youngest.

You silently climbed off the bike, giving JJ’s arm a little squeeze

"Thank you." You whispered, afraid that if you said it any louder the tears would start rolling down your cheeks.

“See you around.” He replied.

You couldn't stop a laugh from escaping you. “Probably not.” You said.

“Yeah, probably not.” He smiled as you turned around and began to walk to your driveway.

“We already packed your stuff,” your mom said, not even trying to keep the anger rout of her voice.

“In the car. We're gonna be late.” Your dad added.

Your sister gave you sympathetic smile as you slide into the seat next to her.

Your dad slammed the trunk and settled behind the wheel, keeping his eyes on you in the rear-view mirror the whole time. He started the engine, backed out the driveway, and the four of you drove off.

You knew if you turned around you’d be able to see JJ one more time, see his smile and his face one more time. JJ kept his eyes glued to the car willing you to look back.

But you never did.

...

A few months later, when JJ dropped his lighter under the bed and went searching for it, he would find your missing swimsuit top and realize just much how those three days had meant to him too.

—————————————————————————— a/n - Anddddd that's the end of this series. I hope you're feeling unsatisfyingly satisfied. And who knows maybe y/n ends up going to UNC where Pope also gets a scholarship too and you run into JJ one weekend he's there to see Pope. Who can say?

tag list! @shawnssongs @http-cherries @spilledtee @bxthharmon@tangledinsparkles @jj-maybabe @sagittarianwolf

[purplesurveys]

1471

1 - What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? It happened right after a family vacation. As for the reason, it’s stupid – it really just stemmed from the fact that we were all tired and angry and emotions just happened to boil at the same time for everyone. My mom started the drama by bitching at me, then for some reason my brother chimed in alongside her and started to disrespect me as well...one thing led to another and he struck me across the face. Idk how it is in other places but behaving that lowly towards somebody older than you is extremely disrespectful, so of course I took that personally and did not hesitate to strike him back. The moment it got physical my dad stepped in and started yelling at everybody in the car, and what followed was the quietest and yet most tense car ride home from the airport, lmao. To this day I do not speak with my brother nor do I ever have plans to.

2 - Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? Yeah, typhoons/hurricanes are usual here. Once a year there will usually be That One™ typhoon that will be super destructive, i.e. lead to high floods, widespread power outages, launching of evacuation progrms, etc. But for the most part we’ll have like 10-15 typhoons of a smaller scale every year.

3 - If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Kimi and Cooper have human food and we typically give them rice with some kind of meat. Aki is still on pet food and he hasn’t gone tired of it, so we’ll probably continue giving him that.

4 - Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? Not serious ones. I play-wrestled my cousin when we were kids but it never escalated to a legit fight.

5 - What were you lighting the last time you used a lighter or matches? My birthday cake.

6 - What’s the weather currently doing where you are? Phone says it’s currently 26ºC; as for how the weather feels – warm and very very humid.

7 - The last time you got up from your seat, what did you go and do? I went to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth.

8 - Name five things you’ve done so far today:

I drove out to withdraw some cash since I was expecting a package;

I received said package a few hours later;

Dealt with a bad hangover in the morning; 

NAPPED, and napped a lot; 

Watched several mini-documentaries from Asian Boss.

9 - What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? I drive my own car.

10 - When was the last time you got caught in a rain or snow storm? Were you dressed for it or did you end up getting soaked? Last time I got caught in the rain...that would be yesterday, when we had a company gathering at this events place. My co-workers and I agreed to step out to take a few group photos together when it suddenly rained and we were forced to go back inside. I wasn’t dressed super appropriately for the rain, but I was still lucky because I did have a bucket hat on.

11 - Did your favorite Disney film come out before or after you were born? Before - Toy Story is three years older than me.

12 - Are you a fan of musicals? Other than Miss Saigon, now.

13 - What the last thing you spent money on apart from necessities? Alcohol and bar chow.

14 - Are there any sequels to things that you prefer to the original? I mean Shrek 2′s gotta be up there.

15 - How often do you lose the remote control? It doesn’t happen a lot. Whenever I can’t find it it’s usually because someone else in the house misplaced it.

16 - When was the last time you had problems with your internet connection? It acted a little funny just the other day but fortunately it didn’t disrupt my work too much.

17 - What games do you play on your phone, if any at all? Rhythm Hive, which is a K-Pop themed rhythm game.

18 - Aside from family, who was the last person you spent time with? How do you know that person? Co-workers! Some of us wanted to get drinks after our company gathering so we ended up as a group of 10 and had dinner at this Mexican restaurant. When we were there, we discovered that one of the doors at the restaurant actually led to a speakeasy, so after eating we headed there to have a little party party time lol.

19 - Are you currently warm, cold or just right? I’m just right. It’s supposed to be on the warmer side but I had the aircon on for a few hours in my room, so I can still feel a bit of the cold.

20 - Do you prefer showers or baths? When was the last time you had either? I took a shower yesterday afternoon before I headed out. As for my preference, I mean it’s not like I have a choice – we don’t own a bathtub, so unless we’re at a hotel or whatever I’ve always taken showers.

21 - Do you spend a lot of money on your appearance? Not at all. I’ll get clothes every now and then but that’s it; I don’t buy products or a lot of accessories.

22 - When was the last time you spent more than £100 on something? Was it a necessity like a bill, or a treat for yourself? Our total bill last night was a little over ₱11k andddddd a quick search tells me that’s just slightly under double that amount. It was most definitely just a treat for ourselves, lol.

23 - Would you rather swim in the sea, a lake or a pool? Sea. I’ve never gone swimming in a lake, and the chlorine in pools is too strong for my liking.

24 - Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? Yeah, kind of. I’ve been to zoos/parks before where I got to hold up the animals and interact with them.

25 - Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? No, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.

26 - How many times a week do you go to the grocery store? My mom usually restocks once a week.

27 - When was the last time you got a takeaway coffee or drink? Last Wednesday when we had an office day. I got Starbucks drive-through.

28 - Do you quote films or TV shows as you’re watching them? Like, as in because I’ve memorized the script? Yeah, I’ll do that sometimes with stuff I’m rewatching.

29 - What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? My mom is religious, which is irritating to me in itself; my dad is apolitical for the most part and I find that concerning. How do you not give a shit about what’s happening wrong in the country?

30 - If you had to quarantine for two weeks tomorrow due to testing positive to COVID, would you be able to survive on the things you had in your house? Yeah. The last two years trained me for that, lmao.

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 16 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: Super short transition chapter but a majorly important one. Here comes the fluff. It’s technically Saturday now which was when I had planned to post and I could use some serotonin so...guess that means you get it 12+ hours early. 

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,546

~~~~~~

5 days. It had been 5 days since you’d seen Cale at your Canada Day party. It was silly and stupid, but this was the longest you’d gone without seeing him since he came home in May and you were going crazy. 

Your parents had left yesterday, but with work you hadn’t gotten the chance to see him yet. Having spent your entire day in meetings with clients, now you were wrapping up a three hour open house and you were exhausted. Just as you were about to pack up, you heard the door open again and you sighed, ill wishes for whoever decided to wait until the very last moment to show up flooding through your mind. 

Pasting a professional but ingenuine smile on your face, you turned to greet whoever had come through the door. When your eyes landed on a familiar broad figure and a set of rosy cheeks you gasped, your true smile quickly taking over your face. 

“What are you doing here?” You reacted, heart pounding at the sight of Cale standing across the room from you. 

“Thought my girl could use a friendly face to end her night.” Cale hummed. “I have ice cream in the car...wanna take a drive?” 

“Could definitely use a friendly face.” You agreed. “Let me lock up.” 

It only took you a few minutes to finish up, grabbing your things before heading out, the door locked behind you. Cale’s car was parked in front of yours and after dropping your things in your backseat you locked that as well before moving to where he was standing, waiting for you. 

His hands fell to your hips as you pressed up to kiss him, air filling your lungs as you felt like you could breathe again for the first time in days. 

“Let’s go before this ice cream melts.” Cale murmured against your lips before finally pulling away. Knowing that you could safely leave your car here until later, you climbed into Cale’s passenger seat, smiling at the cooler on the floor. As he drove, Cale talked about his day until he eventually pulled into a local park. You’d come here many times as children and the views were more appreciated now than they had been then. Grabbing the cooler, you let Cale lift you onto the hood of the car before he hopped up beside you. 

Handing you a pint of your favorite ice cream, Cale pulled out a second pint for himself. Chocolate...shocking. Giggling to yourself, you uncapped your ice cream and grabbed a spoon from the cooler.

“What?” Cale asked, his expression making you giggle even more. 

“You’re so adventurous when it comes to ice cream flavors.” You stated sarcastically. “I bet I couldn’t even get you to try mine. You hate strawberry.” You knew it wasn’t typical but you’d loved strawberry ice cream ever since you were little. Cale on the other hand, insisted that he hated it. There was no way he’d even taste the strawberry banana shortcake ice cream he’d brought for you. 

So when Cale’s spoon swooped over and pulled a large spoonful from your container, your jaw nearly dropped in surprise. Intrigued, you just watched as him he ate the bite, trying to read his expression. After he swallowed he seemed to be pondering and you waited patiently for some reaction. 

“Okay...maybe I was wrong…” Cale admitted after a moment. “That’s actually pretty good.” A triumphant grin spread across your face and you leaned back a little, basking in your tiny win. 

“Is it now?” You teased, popping another spoonful into your own mouth. “I’m so telling your mom about this.” 

“No need to be a braggart.” Cale pouted. 

“What?! This is a momentous occasion. I have been trying to get you to do this for 20 years! And every time you said you hated strawberry!” Cale snuck another bite from your container, just shaking his head at you. 

“I just can’t believe it took girlfriend status to get you to give in.” You declared, stealing a bite from his as well. Though you absolutely didn’t need to be eating a pint of ice cream, especially when you hadn’t had dinner, you relaxed on the hood of Cale’s car stealing bites back and forth until both pints were gone. And when Cale kissed you again after tossing the trash in a can nearby, you could taste the combination of strawberries and chocolate on his tongue. 

“I really needed this.” You murmured, hands sliding down along his sides as he stood in front of you. 

“I know.” Cale replied. “I did too.” He added, pulling you closer, your thighs spreading around his body. For a few minutes, you sat with him between your thighs just enjoying being together. But eventually, he stepped back, offering a hand out to help you slide down from the hood. 

Once you were on your feet, Cale pulled you across the parking lot to the closest playground. There he guided you onto the swings before starting to push you. 

“I remember when this was the other way around.” You commented, peeking over your shoulder at him. “And the time you tried to push me because you felt bad you were the only one getting to swing and you landed promptly on your ass because you were not prepared for impact.” Cale’s groan told you he remembered as well and you giggled again. “It was cute. You’ve always just wanted to take care of me.” 

Cale didn’t respond, instead just continuing to push you higher and higher on the swing, wind blowing across your face. When you finally got tired of swinging, you let your feet drag along the ground until you had slowed enough to hop off. 

“Do you want a turn?” You questioned, certain you knew the answer but asking anyway. When Cale shook his head, you turned to head back to the car, leaning against the side as you waited for Cale to unlock it. 

“That hasn’t changed you know…” Cale whispered, his hand rubbing against the back of his neck as he stood just a few steps away from you. 

“What hasn’t?” You asked, shivering as you felt the shift from a playful energy to a more serious one. 

“Wanting to take care of you.” Your tongue swiped over your lips as a soft ‘oh’ spilled from your throat. “Lately I’ve kind of been thinking I wouldn’t mind taking care of you forever.” 

Forever was a big word and you worked hard to keep your breathing steady as Cale crowded you against the car. 

“I’m ready to say it if you are.” He murmured, his fingers brushing against your cheek. “I don’t fully know why we’ve been waiting...but I’m ready. We’re not in Iceland anymore. This is our normal world. This is real life. And the way I feel isn’t changing...at least not in the wrong direction. 

“Cale…” You gasped out, tears pricking at your eyes. You honestly weren’t sure how long you’d dreamed of this moment but it was somehow something you hadn’t expected but everything you had all at once. “I’m ready too.” 

“Good.” Cale breathed, his lips teasing over yours lightly. “I love you, Y/N. I really truly love you. Not as just my best friend, but as someone I kinda wanna spend the rest of my life with.” 

“I love you too. Like I’m head over heels in love with you. This is a million times better than I ever could have dreamed, being with you.” You responded, your tears not falling far before Cale’s fingers swiped them away. 

“Think we maybe should tell our parents now?” He chuckled, the look in his eyes that you’d seen before now making complete sense. 

“Soon.” You breathed. “Give me a couple days to process the fact that you love me.” 

“Of course.” Cale agreed. “There’s no rush. After all...we’ve got forever for them to learn don’t we.” 

“Because you love me.” You whispered giddily. “And I love you.” 

“Yeah sweetheart...I love you. You’re never going to get sick of those three words I don’t think…” He teased. 

“Not falling from your lips. Directed at me.” Kissing him again felt different. Steadier, easier, open. There was nothing to hide from now. No holding back. 

A honking horn was the sudden reminder that you were very much in a public place and you buried your head into Cale’s chest as he laughed. 

“Our timing just continues to be spot on doesn’t it?” Cale sighed. 

“Eh...we can work on that...if that’s all we need to improve I think we’re doing pretty good.” You shrugged. 

“We’re doing great.” Cale replied, kissing you one more time before opening the car door for you. 

Somehow with Cale, all the little moments were also the big moments. An ice cream date had led to your first ‘I love you’s’ just like a night in with takeout had led to your first kiss. It was a reminder to never take a single day for granted because they were all important, they all meant something. 

And now you had a forever filled with little moments to look forward to. All with the love of your life by your side. 

[niawritess]

The Lovestruck~Chapter 14

(8 December)

10:12 am

"Y/n! Wake up! It's 10 already!"

You groaned in your sleep but then your lips twitching upward as you heard your mom's voice after more than a week which you missed so badly.

Changing your position to lay on your back, your eyes squinting as the sunlight hit your face. At first you panicked as you thought about your college but then relaxed as you remembered taking a leave for today.

Sitting up with your closed eyes, you let out a yawn with your palm automatically covering your mouth. You stretched your arms up and dropped on your back again with a sigh. Yesterday's scene left a impact on your mind as you couldn't get it out of your head, not to mention the sensation you felt which you have never felt before.

Your thoughts were interuppted when you got a notification on your mobile making you groan and shifted to your side before taking your phone from the nightstand.

It was your bestfriend saying that she would be here in an hour to meet your parents and there was another text which was from Rose saying that something came up so she'd be going to her town which means no Café today.

Smiling, you got off the bed and skipped to the washroom for your morning routine.

Whereas Baekhyun also got the same message from Rose and he sighed as he wouldn't get to see you at the café since you skipped today and that information he got from Ria a while ago.

It was like that day when you didn't came on the café and where he felt your absence. The feeling, the confusion was eating him as he wasn't able to come up to a conclusion of those feelings which was frustrating him as well.

As he told the boys about the no Café today casually and the boys came up with a plan of going to bowling. Baekhyun couldn't refuse since their graduation was this year and it's been long since they have been out then, when will they have time to do this so he agreed.

Not before, they asked him to ask you to tag along with him and hearing this Baekhyun gave them a look but they just made an excuse to see you as you were also becoming their friend.

***

You were heading downstairs after washing up and suddenly the door bell rang indicating your bestfriend was here already.

Your dad opened the door and Ria smiled greeting him before letting out a squeal as she ran up to your mom and they did some weird handshake before hugging eachother.

You rolled your eyes playfully but a smile was playing on your lips and you went to them who were totally ignoring you making you glare at them as they were doing it on purpose.

"OMG! JAE!" Ria exclaimed with her eyes popping out when she saw him coming out of his room and you also flinched not used to his presence.

Ria was your high school friend so, being comfortable with Jae was an understatement and he always treated her like his little sister just like you. Well, you always bicker with your brothers and they tease you but you know how protective they are over you.

Jae went out with his friends as he was meeting them after a long time and will go back in a week for his training Job. You sat on the couch comfortably with your mom and bestfriend talking about their favorite topic shopping which was not so favorite to you.

In that time, you got a notification on your phone, checking it to see it was from Baekhyun and unconsciously your heart beat quicken seeing his name but you immediately shook it off before opening the text.

Baekhyun : Hey, Are you alright? You didn't come today.

You : Yeah, I'm okay. Just skipped today.

Baekhyun: Okay. So I wanted to ask something. We boys decided to go bowling today so would you like to join us?

You read the message with a baffled expression before looking at Ria who was sitting alone as your mom went into the kitchen.

You: Are you sure? I mean won't I be intruding?

Baekhyun: Not at all. Even my friends want you to come.

You were contemplating wether to go or not since yesterday your had been occupied with those things wondering if it would get awkward but you also didn't wanted to lose a friend like Baekhyun just because of those awkwardness and decided to let it aside.

You : Is it okay, if my Ria tag along?

Baekhyun : Of course! So it's decided. I'll pick you up by 5. No excuses! See you later:)

You let out a sigh leaning against the couch getting the attention of your bestfriend as she eyed you suspiciously.

"We are going for bowling in a while." You told her casually and she frowned. "Are we?"

You nodded before your mom came back and sat on her spot with your brother who also was back from his school as he threw his school bag in your lap while plopping beside you.

You clicked your tongue before placing his bag on the couch while showing him a glare.

"Mum, we are going bowling today."

She just nodded nonchalantly not saying anything further but Daniel's eyes perked up hearing that as he eyed you surprised.

"Mom, Aren't you going to ask her anything? With whom she's going with?" He shoved her with his questions and you three looked at him weirdly.

You mom shrugged. "As far as I know her, she wouldn't go without Ria and it's actually a good thing that she's going out since we are the ones who always force her to go out."

"I'm really happy she's progressing with time and whom she's going with, I don't mind because it won't be her boyfriend since we aren't that lucky to have that privilege." She added with a fake hurt expression.

Your brother and bestfriend joined her in her laughter while you stared at her with a disbelief look. Sometimes you think your mom could've been a good actress if not for her catering business.

"Mum, you know me too much."

"That's why I'm your mom." She winked and you shook your head before smiling.

***

You and Ria got ready and Ria already had her clothes in your wardrobe since she stays here often. You got a notification and checked it to see it was from Baekhyun telling that he's already here.

You walked towards your window and saw his car before he got out and as he looked at your window direction you locked eyes with him.

Your eyes widened and you immediately backed off as if you got caught doing something wrong before going downstairs while mentally hitting yourself for doing that unaware of how Baekhyun smiled at this act of yours.

"Mum! I'm leaving!"

"Have fun and be safe!"

"Don't have too much fun!"

Your dad yelled and you rolled you eyes before walking out with Ria who was laughing.

You both approached him who was leaning against his car but instantly straightened himself when he saw you and flashed a smile to you which you returned.

He opened the door for you and you sat in the front seat and Ria settled herself in the back seat not before sending a smug look to you where you gave her a look.

You three arrived at the destination and followed Baekhyun who led you to where boys were already present. You both greeted them smilingly as you have gotten comfortable with them now.

Then your eyes caught another figure which belonged to none other than Lauren who was sitting with her boyfriend while her eyes were on Baekhyun which held something you couldn't tell and with you feeling weird inside which you also couldn't tell.

Ria and you both looked at eachother before going towards an empty seat and sat there as you started chatting with boys not before Baekhyun looking for his place to sit.

That's when Lauren shifted a little to give him space while flashing a sweet smile at him where again you felt that sensation and you instantly shrugged it off as you looked away. However, instead of going there Baekhyun walked towards your side and sat beside you with your shoulders almost touching making your breath hitched.

Chanyeol got up and stood in front of you all with an idea of having a competition with him and you have somewhat noticed that he's a competitive guy.

"So, who's gonna be in my team? Y/n?" He looked at you expectantly and you looked at him with a guilty smile. "I'm sorry but I'm not good at bowling but Ria is really good at it."

Ria almost spit out her water and you surpassed your giggle before she shot a glare at you but you just smiled innocently at her.

"Are you really not good?" You looked at Baekhyun who gave you a question look and you nodded. "I've been trying to do it but I don't think I'm suitable for bowling."

"Like her driving."

Ria popped her head forward as she told Baekhyun who just chuckled while you nudged her back with a death glare.

The game started between Chanyeol's team and Yixing's team and the team who loses has to treat tteokbokki (spicy rice cake).

They played for half an hour where both teams were tied and with the seriousness it was also funny to watch how they kept bickering like five-year old kids. Honestly, you were having fun with them as they kept the atmosphere joyful.

You excused yourself to the washroom and Ria was coming with you but stopped as her it was her turn so you went alone. Finishing your business, you made your way to them but a hard shoulder bumped into yours making you stumble back.

"I'm sorry- Y/n?"

You looked at the familiar voice person before your eyes widened. "Jae?!"

"Oppa."

"Shut up." You made a dirty face on the name which always makes you feel cringe and he raised his eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same." You placed your hands on your waist standing confident.

"I asked first." He imitated you and you rolled you eyes.

"I'm here with my friends." You told him and earned a snicker from him making you frown as he gave you an amused look. "You have friends?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'll see you at home."

You tried to walk past him but he blocked you with a serious expression plastered on his face. "Are you here with your boyfriend?"

"What?! No." You made a weird face before sighing. "Jae, stop acting like a brother."

"New flash! I am your brother!" He gave a toothy grin before leaning in. "Where is he?"

"Gosh, you're so annoying."

"And you're my cute little potato." He pinched your both cheeks and you cried holding his wrist to stop but when a pair of hands pulled his hands away.

You both looked towards the direction to see Baekhyun with clenched jaw and glaring at Jae before he stood infront of you like a shield.

"What do you think you are doing?" His tone was calm but you could sense an anger behind it which made you panick if some fight breaks out.

"Uh, Baekhyun, he is my brother." You spoke peeking from his shoulder not realizing that you took his name casually and Baekhyun's ear perked up.

He looked back at you with a confused face then to Jae who had a smug grin then back to you. "Brother?"

You nodded slowly and wanted to laugh at Baekhyun's confused face which looked so cute and resembled a lost puppy.

The atmosphere turned awkward and Baekhyun instantly stood beside you and Jae held out his hand.

"I'm Jaehyun, Y/n's big brother."

Baekhyun hesitantly shook his head and introduced him before apologizing but Jae waved it off as he liked how Baekhyun came to your rescue.

"Jae!"

You three looked at the voice to see a guy calling Jaehyun and giving a nod, Jaehyun turned to you.

"It was nice meeting you, Baekhyun." He smiled genuinely at him which Baekhyun returned awkwardly.

"I'll see you at home." He gave a cheeky grin to you going to the cinema area not before mouthing nice catch where you shoot a glare at him.

Shaking your head you looked at Baekhyun who was lost and hesitantly tapped his shoulder where he immediately snapped out.

"I'm sorry about that." You smiled sheepishly and he chuckled.

"Don't be. I misunderstood so it's okay." You both started walking. "I guess I didn't really made a good impression on your brother."

You shook your head vigorously. "Not really, Jae seems to like you actually."

He lightly laughed shaking his head. "No way, seriously?"

You smiled nodding. "Hm, I know him."

"When did your family came back?"

"Yesterday, that's why I skipped today."

He nodded before you two joined your friends and the game was over with Chanyeol's team winning in the end which means the losing team has to treat something.

As everyone was eating and talking, you spotted Ria's phone on the seat beside you as she excused herself to the washroom.

Not long before, she came back and sat beside you before a frown crept on her face as she started searching for something.

"What's wrong, Ria? Did you lost something?" Jongin asked her drinking his juice.

"Yes, I can't find my phone." She started looking for it everywhere. "Y/n, have you seen my phone?"

You kept mum since she knows you can't lie or she would just catch you in a blink, so you avoided her eyes while munching and she didn't noticed since her attention was on her phone.

Feeling a little thirsty, you were about to take a juice bottle but a hand came forward to you with a juice bottle while it's cap opened and you looked at Baekhyun who was talking to Chanyeol and you looked at him surprised as without you saying, he knew it.

You smiled taking it before looking at your bestfriend with lost face. You actually felt bad for doing it but she has always pranked you and not to mention she always tease you in front of Baekhyun so you decided to prank her.

As a smile while was plastered on your face, you felt a stare on you causing you to lock eyes with Baekhyun who was eyeing you suspiciously and sensed the reason behind Ria's lost face.

You brought your index finger to your lips indicating him to keep mum and he chuckled shaking his head while you smiled sheepishly.

This scene was witnessed by Kyungsoo who was eyeing those two with a fondly smile and wondering when his idiot friend will realize his feelings.

***

The car pulled over to your house and you got out of the back seat with Ria before thanking Baekhyun and Chanyeol for inviting you two.

Seeing Ria's gloomy face, you couldn't help but feel guilty now. Taking her phone out from your purse, you held it out to her and she looked at you shook.

"You had it all along? Y/n!" She exclaimed chasing you inside with you shouting sorry and then giggling.

"Crazy." Baekhyun mumbled chuckling at you as you went inside before he turned back to his best friend giving him a teasing smile.

"What?"

Chanyeol just shook his head at his stupid bestfriend before Baekhyun drove off.

_______________

@wooya1224 @buttercupbbh @jddcfc-blog

[gummymina]

Love at the first sight

Paralyzed Park Jihyo x Male Reader

Fluff but cute oneshot (kinda)

Jihyo's pov

'Who will love a girl like me?...In this condition?'

That thought was in my mind ever since Daniel dumped me for another girl. He was just using me for my fame and my body.

I'm was in depression for 2 years. I had an accident which made me like this.

I'm glad that my members and my parents were there for me. And just because of them I feel loved, I feel so special.

The accident was so bad that the doctors had to try their best to not to make my condition worse but they said something that made me, my parents and my members shock...

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"You're paralysed, waist down. In different words, you won't be able to walk again. I'm sorry we tried our best."

That's what the doctor said....And that's another reason why Daniel broke up with me...

At that time I got hurt...Nayeon and jeongyeon unnie were their to comfort me..

Fans knows about what happened with me and they are very supportive.

In fanmeetings some of them ask me that 'Why are you wasting your precious tears on that bastard man?'

Sometimes they are right..Why am I even wasting my tears on that ungrateful d*cky person? Thank God that I didn't do anything with him.

I want someone who could love and accept me in whatever condition I am.

'Will I get someone who loves me as who I am?'

Y/n's pov

Working as fashion designer is a little bit hard. I have my own fashion company.

We even have some models who promote our clothes on magazines.

I'm looking for some models and some designers. We have different application for them to apply for this job.

Right now I'm at my office with a sketch book. Not knowing what the next piece of fashion will be.

I put my head down on the table, signing deeply.

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'God what will happen in my life?'

God's pov

Y/n wants to know what will happen in his life..

Well, I know a girl so I will put y/n with her..

"They both are looking good with each other as if it's like they are meant to be with each other for the rest of their life" The other God said.

I proudly smiled and tell them.

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"Cause they are meant to be"

Jihyo's pov

Here I am, at the han river with no one. No parents and No members.

I just wanted to take some fresh air.

I told my members that I'll be outside but they asked if they want to come with me. But I said a big fat no.

It's been 20 mins since I came her so I think I should go back home now otherwise they will scold me.

I was at the pedestrian road but there was no one so I had to scroll my wheelchair to go that side of the road.

The cars are there but no one is there to guide me to the other side of the road.

I waited for the light to be red so I can cross the road easily.

The light is not working so I decided to cross the road on my own.

I scrolled my wheelchair a bit but there were still cars coming so I scrolled my wheelchair back. It's like I'm pushing my wheelchair back and forth.

Y/n's pov

I buyed some groceries and went outside. I put my groceries on the trunk of the car.

As I was about to sit inside my car I saw a women on a wheelchair trying to cross the road.

I went towards her and tapped her shoulder, making her scared.

"Miss, are you trying to cross the road?" I asked her as I kneel down beside her.

She noded her head cutely but I feel sad for the condition she is in. It will be difficult for her to move around like that.

"Are you alone? Or there's anyone with you?" I asked again, trying not to sound like a kidnapper.

She nodded and looked down, not looking at me. She's alone with no one right now.

"Do you mind if I leave you to your house?"

She froze and looked at me, not sure to come with me or not. I looked back at her, looking straight into her big eyes. I saw everything in her eyes. Her pain, her sadness and her past.

"Don't misunderstand miss, I'm just trying to help you."

She chuckled a bit making my heart flutter for her. I think I'm in love with he-

'No No No, falling in love with someone you just met is so damn wrong!'

"Hello? Mr.? Hello!!!!" I realized that she was waving her hand in front of my eyes, bringing me back into reality.

"I'm sorry....um..-" I got cut off by her.

"Jihyo, Park jihyo" She said with a soft smile, bringing her hand out, offering a hand shake.

I captured her hand with mine. Her hands were soft, soft like a cotton.

"Y/n, Lee Y/n" I smiled but suddenly felt sad when she pulled her hand back.

"So..let's go Jihyo-ssi?"

"Yeah, let's go Y/n-ssi"

I pulled her wheelchair to the footpath, making sure not to hurt her anywhere.

I pushed her wheelchair slowly towards my car as I hummed a song, not wanting to end this moment with her.

"You like backstreet boys?" She asked me, looking up at me. Wah those eyes I want keep it to mysel-

'NOOO! NOT AGAIN!!!'

"Yeah, my mom was a big fan of them"

"Oh! even my mom!" She exclaimed as she smiled like a child.

Sadly, we reached my car as I opened the passenger's door for her. But then, I remembered her condition.

"So...I'm gonna carry you like a baby then put you on the seat while I put your wheelchair on the back ok?"

She nodded her head while blushing as I mentioned how I'm gonna carry her.

I bent a little bit as I wrapped my arm around her waist and the other arm around her legs.

She wrapped both of her arms around my neck to support her body.

I put her inside the passenger's seat and closed the door. I put her wheelchair on the back.

I went to the driver's seat and start the car. Awkward silence filled the car.

"So where do you live?"

"hanmyeon road(random) street: 21 xxxxx"

"Ok so let's just drop you there"

-------

We're struck in a traffic now. Awkward silence is still there between us. I decided to break the silence.

"So...why were you alone at the han river?"

I didn't got any response so I looked at her and saw her sleeping peacefully. It's like she's sleeping so peacefully after a long tired time.

The light turned green as I start my engine again and drive towards her adress.

-------

Jihyo's pov

"Jihyo wake up!!!" someone shouted as I growl and rubbed my sleepy eyes.

"What?" I asked, sitting up on the bed.

"You were sleeping for 12 hours now!" Nayeon unnie said as my eyes widen.

"What?!!!!"

"Well, a guy came here-

+FLASHBACK+

Nayeon's pov

It's been 20 mins since that Thomas the train left to take some fresh air and she's still not here!!!

We all are watching TV while waiting for our leader-nim.

We are all worried for her since she can't wal- I mean since she's all by herself.

Suddenly someone rang our bell.

I rushed towards the door thinking it was jihyo.

I opened the door and saw jihyo but in someone's arms!!

I got furious, thinking that the man did something wrong to our leader so I yelled at him.

"Who are you and what did you do to jihyo?!!?!!"

The others came, rushing towards us with kitchen utensils.

"Avengers..." Mina said ready to attack the guy with a freaking frying pan.

"ASSEMBLE!!!" The others yelled, running towards the guy to beat him up.

"Woah, woah, woah easy there. I saw her trying to cross the road as there was no one to guide her. So instead of helping her crossing the road, I drop her here. She looked tired so she fell a sleep in the car"

We all looked at each other and bowed several times saying our apologies.

"We are so sorry! We thought that you did something to her. I'm so sorry um....-"

"It's Y/n, Lee Y/n"

"We are sorry Y/n!" We apologize to him again.

"It's ok, By the way where should I keep her?" He said, referring to jihyo.

"You can keep her in room please" I said stepping aside to let him enter the hall.

"Uh sure but where is her room?"

"Sana, guide him"

Sana nodded as she lead him to our room.

After few seconds, he came down and went towards his car, pulling out jihyo's wheelchair.

He scroll the wheelchair towards the door.

"And here's the wheelchair. Now I have to go! Bye!"

He bowed down as I saw him getting into his car, disappearing from my sight.

+FLASHBACK ENDS+

Jihyo's pov

"Oh, I have to thank him!" I stand up but end up falling down, remembering that I can't walk.

"JIHYO!!" Nayeon rushed towards me and help me to sit on the bed.

"Oh, t-thank you nayeon-unnie"

I said while looking down, feeling guilty for making her worried.

"You should be careful jihyo..you know about your condition right?"

Nayeon-unnie sat down beside me.

"I know b-but I want to thank him for y-yesterday night you know? He helped me last night, at the han river?" I said trying not to blush so hard, thinking about yesterday night.

"Why is park jihyo blushing~? Because of that Lee Y/n huh?~" Nayeon started teasing me.

"Stop it unnie!!" I pouted and throw a pillow at her.

"Oh every time I see you~ Geudae nuneul bol ttaemyeon~ Jakku gaseumi tto seolleyeowa~" Nayeon unnie sang as she grab a lotion bottle, thinking that it was a mic.

"I think.." I was about to say something but I paused for a minute.

"You what?!" She rushed towards me, holding my both shoulders shaking me.

"Ok but first STOP SHAKING ME!!"

I yelled as she stopped shaking me and covered her ears because of my loud voice.

"I think...It's love at the first sight" I blushed as I play with my fingers.

"That means you..oh my God! Are you sure?!!" She covered her mouth with her hand.

I looked at her and nodded..

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"I think I like him"

[agl03]

Finale Predictions

Well guys, it's been quite the ride and here we are ready for the finale.   First and foremost I have to thank you all for sticking with me over the years.  Sending the asks, supporting the theories, dealing with my sometimes crazy metas and predictions, that sometimes hit and sometimes didn’t. And trusting me to be the Fandom Mom. 

As is now an annual tradition I’m putting up my post of Finale Predictions before going dark until after the finale airs.  This is for fun as I always like to see how well I did.    Please no pitchforks if I am wrong on any of these.

So here we go:

Everyone’s favorite villains, Nathaniel, Kora, and SIBYL will all make it to the finale while Garrett will be killed or locked up by the end of the first hour (and it will use some of Fitz’s tech).

SIBYL will eventually get herself a new body.

Nathaniel will turn on Kora and try to take her powers and/or kill her.

Kora has already turned on him and he/we just don’t know it yet.  Either betrays him and helps her sister or tries to kill him herself in revenge for her mother.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  

Daisy will be the one to end Nathaniel and it will be oh so satisfying giant fight scene….even if we have to wait until the second hour for it.  Bonus points if Sousa get a hit in first too

Coulson, May, and Elena are able to get to space thanks to Coulson’s new computer Genius Super Power OR Garrett is ordered to bring them so they can lord their victory over them all.

Even though they have pretty much ended Shield and Hydra in the “hot mess” timeline SIBYL and Nathaniel set their sites on the OG Timeline and/or Fitz once they realize he has come into the mix and ruins their plans in the hot mess timeline..   As they are both aware he is the one who ends their little party.

The Chronicoms will not all be super thrilled with what SIBYL has been up too or her methods.   This could be another thing that drives SIBYL into the OG Timeline.   

The battle between SIBYL and Coulson seems to have gotten a bit more personal so my money is on Coulson being the one to take her down.   Close second goes to May and Fitzsimmons. 

Diana didn’t only block Memories of Fitz it took out the memories of people associated with him.  IE she is not going to remember her friends or Deke.

Deke will earn her trust quickly and be an A+ overprotective grandson of his Nana as they are rescued and get back to the team.

The team will rescue Deke and Jemma, take out a few Chronicoms, and Independence Day their way out of there.

While it won’t be the romantic Philinda some fans want we will see some quality Philinda banter over the finale as it seems they’ve settled into a good place between the two.   Coulson has also passed the torch of “team parent” onto her.

Philinda will not end as a couple.

At some point Sousa is really going to question what is going on and his life choices.  AKA He looks around stunned at what is going on.

More quality Dousy flirting and banter….they will kiss again and I do see them being a couple when things end.

Fitzsimmons family feels just a lot of them over the whole finale.  Iain and Elizabeth are going to murder us with feels.  I mean Fitz with his little girl.  I shall perish.

Despite not knowing everyone Jemma is going to be super insistent on building or activating a device (that has been stashed on the Zephyr) that she doesn’t know what it does but just knows she needs to build and activate it.  She will be the only one who can activate it and possibly it will take something very personal of hers to turn it on.  IE how she was hiding Fitz’s ring/necklace in Season 6 she might have the key hiding again.  But lets all freak out that Jemma will literally be the key to getting Fitz.

We won’t see Fitz until near the end of 12 if he is not the cliffhanger.  

That Bar place in the promo pics is either Keonig’s Bar or the Playground of the hot mess Timeline.  Seems to be some sort of secret Shield Base or what is left of them after the big attack as there are some random Shield agents milling/wth/who are these people in the background.  We know The Playground was off the books in the OG Timeline and would make sense it was also in the Hot mess.

Jemma will have her memory resorted relatively quickly after Fitz Kool Aid Man’s in all Star Lord from the portal thing Jemma activates.  And it’ll be the freaking power of her love for Fitz/her Family that overloads her (Gimme my Framework fix here).  Or Fitzsimmons have a fail safe password.  BUT GIMME TRUE LOVE.

CUE THE SECRET CHILD REVEAL!!!!!!!!!!   Yes, I will be screaming.  The team will be stunned.

I’m sticking to my theory that they will give their daughter a “celestial” or astronomical name to pay off “One of these days we’ll find something magnificent out in space,” thing from Season 3 (especially if she was conceived on the way back from Kitson).  Or a name that is very reflective of their Scottish/English roots.  

Everyone needs to hold onto their hats because once Jemma has her memories back it will be because they are gonna want to get home to their Little Girl like yesterday and have one hell of a plan that involves saving the world and taking care of Nathaniel, SIBYL, and the Season 6 Finale attack on the Lighthouse.

This is likely where a ton of the Flashbacks come in.

Where has Fitz been?  He’s been back in our OG Timeline.  The finale confirmation for me came last week when Nathaniel revealed that SIBYL’s time stream couldn’t see him….or their daughter, and that thing sees EVERYTHING in the HOT MESS Timeline.  This would also be why Jemma’s messages didn’t reach him, she couldn’t get them to cross into the OG Timeline and this was something she would have known but Diana blocked as part of hiding where Fitz was.

How has Fitz been watching the Chronicoms?  Insert incredibly complicated timey whimy thing the writers came up with that me and my Marketing degree can not fathom so just go with it okay, via the using the Framework in the OG Timeline to get into the Chronicom’s system.  Little pay back for what SIBYL has been doing in the Hot Mess Timeline.  Him being connected to the Framework explains why he was so exposed.  Because when someone is hooked up to that thing they can get their heads cut off and not know it.

Now reunited and having dropped the baby announcement Fitzsimmons will present the plan for the “Final Mission” the team must embark on to save the world….again.   

And oh baby is it complicated.  

Part of said plan will have them back at the Lighthouse during the Chronicom attack.

The dudes that showed up with Jemma at the Temple will be explained.  IE I think its some of the team and they cleared out of the Zephyr before the time travel party got started.  They also may have grabbed other hunks of the monoliths.

The fight will take place in both the Hot Mess and OG Timelines  

We have not seen the last of the Monoliths.  The fact we are jumping timelines and have Flint in the mix over in the OG timeline makes me think they are gonna need Mr. Swirly’s help in doing said jumping (Mr. Swirly is the Grey Monolith).  Or they really go with the OG and its Harold (Black Space one) that allows for it.  Kind of fitting the Monolith that tore Fitzsimmons apart is now the one that reunites them.  

We will for sure see Enoch (via Flashback), Davis (please not by Flashback #davislivesagain), Piper and Flint as returning Favorites.   

If they have Davis back to life I just gesture exhaustedly at the Monoliths again.  Not even gonna try to explain it.

Small chance we run into the Hot Mess’s Timeline Enoch but he will have no relationship or connection to the team and will make me cry.  

Top Picks for SURPRISE not on the Press Release faces to pop up if we get them:   Ward (I mean really how have we not seen him again yet), Mace, Robbie, Bobbi, Hunter, Koenig (any of them) and Mike.    REALLY WANT IT BUT WON”T GET IT!   Dadcliffe

Who was keeping Fitzsimmons Daughter safe:  

Top Pick:  Piper and Flint:  Given Fitzsimmons would have run into them picking up the Zephyr and they could have been the “we had help” they talked about.

Second Place Because I Badly want him back:  Uncle Enoch 2.0

Left Field Surprise Option:  Huntingbird

LOLA RETURNS

We will get a lot of really fun callbacks to past stories or even lines IE “I’m just the Pilot” For May.

“What We Are Fighting For”:  Family.  The team family….and the Fitzsimmons family.  Also they will have gone 13/13 in that someone will say the titles name at some point in the episode.

We will see old weapons and tech from previous seasons make one last appearance, we’ve seen 2 so far in promos and will see more.

Shotgun Axe gets a proper send off in battle (this one is for Kiddo 3)

Bear will deliver the most amazing soundtrack that we’ll never get to buy.

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story (Sorry Couldn’t Resist)

Nathaniel:  Dies, and we will all cheer.

SIBYL:  Dies, and we will all cheer.

Garrett:  Dies or locked up, won’t make it to the second hour.

Kora:  Toss a coin.  If she dies she killed for trying to take down Nathaniel.  If in her betrayal of Nathaniel she helps Daisy get Jemma and Deke back that could be a good starting place for the sisters to work thing out.   Starting place, she has a long way to go to get in good with Daisy and setting up an 11th hour redemption arc.

Mack:  Still so nervous for him based on how he has been in interviews, especially the SDCC ones last year.  He was so clearly upset by it.  So Mack either falls or does something so out of character (Bails before the finale battle which just is not making sense to me Mack is in such a good place right now) for Mack that Henry was upset by it.  Essentially I am very confused because what I am seeing on screen now isn’t matching with how Henry was talking as Mack has really come around since his Endgame stage.

Elena:   Easily lives.  If Mack doesn’t die, wherever he lands she’ll be with him.  They’ve been a steady ship all season and I see no reason for them to break up outside of death.  And while I have a mountain of concerns for Mack, I have none for Elena..   I also see her still being a presence within Shield, she’s become a good solid agent, and bonus points if she keeps Flint with her….and he gets all the tacos he wants.  

Sousa:   Totally lives (they might give us a good fake out though because he and Daisy are becoming a thing)I can still see him being Director of Shield if Mack falls or steps down.   He’s a good Agent in a new time but he said he is right where he is supposed to be, at Daisy’s side.  Where she goes he goes.  IE he’s not letting her get away and will always be there after she runs into a wall.  So if Daisy leaves Shield, so will he.  If she stays so will he.  If she opens a coffee bar he’ll learn to make an espresso.   

Daisy:   Totally Lives, but there will be something about her ending that some fans won’t like and some fans are going to love.   Staying with Shield or no whatever she does will involve Inhumans be it the Secret Warriors are up and running again, she is mentoring and training new Inhumans coming into Shield, or my favorite option still is she reopens Afterlife.  I’ve been feeling that option for most of the Season and feel like it was really set up with Jaiying as was Daisy looking out for her little sister should the chips fall the right way.     The SS Dousy will be sailing right along.  IF Kora survives I can see her being in Afterlife as well, Daisy taking her mother’s passion that Kora has a good heart to heart herself.  

Deke:   Okay this one is weird because I feel like we are going to lose him somehow, but he won’t die.  I didn’t get the vibe from Jeff, Elizabeth, or Iain that he died and those three are pretty tight.  However,  in that I don’t think I’m going to get my Fitzsimmons Family all settling down in a giant castle in Scotland together.  They set up for him to make a sacrifice, he’s grown, and has something he’s really truly fighting for.   I have loved seeing how close he and Jemma have gotten and how fiercely he’s protected her and her secret.  Even in the face of torture he didn’t betray her.  It will come as no surprise if he doesn’t sacrifice himself somehow.  Either in taking a hit for his family or doing something similar to what he did in Season 5 to make sure they got home.  Bringing things full circle.   He also expressed that he wouldn’t mind being stuck in the hot mess timeline in ‘83.  He built himself a nice life there and Nathaniel did a pretty good job of taking out Hydra...with just a bit of Shield hanging on.  So if it comes down to it I don’t see him minding if he gets stuck there.  Sure him saying goodbye to Nana and Bobo is gonna hurt like Hades but if he ends up alive, I’m good.  

Fitzsimmons:  Both live, yes they will scare the crap out of us more than a few times especially after we know about the daughter, but they will live.  Totally peace out, we’ve done our time, leaving Shield with the adorable daughter and its Perthshire or Bust.   They’ve sacrificed enough and will not be willing to risk it again.

May:   Lives and reminds us all that she is one hell of a pilot.  If Mack decides he wants to step down, dies, whatever I’ll throw her back in contention for Director, especially as I see Sousa Following Daisy if she leaves.  Coulson seemed to have set her on that path and at the very least passed the “Team Parent” torch onto her, that it would be her job to give the Coulson talks to those who needed it.  If she’s not Director, she’ll be whomever is right hand, or I still have that option for the Academy being up and running and she’s running that, training the next generation.

Coulson: Lives.I know SHOCKING.   I think he was very ready to throw in the towel after spending 20 months in the TV but then Enoch’s moving words in his death were what changed his mind about ‘powering down” when this is all over.  Coulson realizes that yes, while it is hard to be the one to leave it is harder for the ones that are left behind but it's also necessary that they move on, and live for those they have lost before.  Like Sousa and Fitzsimmons, he’ll be another that they’ll fake out death a few times.   I see him leaving Shield though, taking Lola and finally just going and seeing the world, watching the history he loves so much happen.  We get to see him driving around or even off in Lola for the last time.   Other options include he does something that will allow him to totally run with his new super computer super power.  The final thing I can see him doing is being the coolest professor at the newly rebooted Academy.  

Flint:  Get’s his tacos.

Piper: Keeps being awesome.

Davis:  Better live dang it.

Kiddos Predictions:

That weird device Jemma makes brings Fitz 

Deke sacrifices himself for Fitz

Fitzsimmons and their kid have to leave Shield

Mack leaves shield

Fitzsimmons, Dousy, Mackelena all stay together

Daisy kills Nathaniel, Daisy needs to quake him up

May or Nathaniel will take out Kora.  But if she survives we want Daisy to take her in.

Fitz takes down SIBYL

Piper is watching the Daughter

The daughters name is Olivia

Robo Coulson will sacrifice himself

GHOST RIDER HAD BETTER BE OUR SURPRISE CHARACTER (this was literally shouted at me).  Kiddo 3 voted for PIkachu (Lincoln)

Have no idea what will happen to May

We will get a “flash forward” ending showing what the team that is still alive is doing

Flint gets his tacos

They save the team and have a full out war at some point in time

The episode is going to be super good

Mom is going to cry

Well there it is.  We’ll check back in on Thursday to see how I did!

[path-of-my-childhood]

Collect Call From... TAYLOR SWIFT

Blender Magazine (final, unpublished issue from May 2009) // By Josh Eells

Each month, one lucky rock star phones Blender HQ for seven days straight, just to, you know, share. Now on the line: country-pop princess.

DAY 1: FEBRUARY 24th, 3:51 pm

Swift calls from Nashville, where she lives with her parents and younger brother. “I’m so happy to be home! I’ve been in Europe for two weeks. I got back two nights ago and spent half of yesterday sleeping. This is my only week off for months, but I categorize vacations differently than most people. I don’t care if I’m doing interviews from when I wake up till I go to sleep, as long as l’m in my own bed, that’s a day off.  This morning I went to some of the radio stations in town, said hi to program directors. Then I met with my stylist - we talked about tour outfits. And now I’m getting dressed for my brother Austin’s lacrosse game. He plays goalie - this is his first game as starter. His friends used to tease him about me, but now he's six two and built. I don’t think they make jokes anymore.”

DAY 2: FEBRUARY 25th, 4:14 pm

Swift phones from home, where she’s “lounging on the couch under a quilt” and playing with her dogs, Baby (a Doberman) and Bug (a mini Pinscher). “Austin did great! His team won, and he kept a bunch of balls out of the goal. Afterwards I went with my friend Emily to a Nashville Predators game. I did a commercial for them, so they hook me up with tickets when I’m in town. There’s a couple of cute guys, but I think they’re all married. I totally cheer and do the fang-finger thing. Last night they put me on the JumboTron, and you could literally see the wave of people getting up to come over. I’m still getting used to the fact that being stared at is part of my day - in high school it meant I had something on my face. The fact that my albums has been No. 1 for 10 weeks - it’s unbelievable. But this week looks a little questionable: The Jonas Brothers have an album out, too. Hmm.”

DAY 3: FEBRUARY 26th, 5:30 pm

Swift dials in from the road In Nashville, where she’s stuck In rush-hour traffic. "I just shot a video with my friend Kellie [Pickier] for a song we wrote together. It’s about ex-boyfriends. In the video I am kind of her trouble-making sidekick - I wore this strapless studded dress with a zipper up the front. The whole day I was afraid someone was gonna walk by and unzip me. It would have taken half a second to ruin my day. Oh, my God, last night I fell asleep on the couch watching CSI: NY. I was out at like 7, but at some point I dragged myself to bed, and apparently in my haze I turned the heat up to 95! I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, with my poor cat lying on the floor panting. I made myself an ice bath and called my friend Emma in LA - she was in Superbad - and she kept me company for two hours while I cooled down.”

DAY 4: FEBRUARY 27th, 4:37 pm

Swift rings from the music room at her house, where she’s teaching herself how to play piano. “I’m still not caught up from my jet lag. Today I woke up at 5:30, ate same cereal and fell back asleep on the couch. I didn’t sleep long though, because we had rehearsal this morning. Kenny Chesney was rehearsing next door, so we chatted for a bit. Nashville is a really small town. I still live with my parents because I’m never home long enough to move out. And I don’t go to bars, because I’m 19 and scared of breaking rules. Besides Kellie and my best friend Abigail, who moved to Kansas, most of my friends are in LA. And boys aren’t even an issue right now. I categorize guys as “talking”, “nominees” - people you feel like you could someday date - and “dating”. Right now I don’t even have nominees. I don’t even have potential future nominees! But I’m used to being single. Before my last relationship [with Joe Jonas] I was single for like two years. It’s sort of my thing.”

DAY 5: FEBRUARY 28th, 12:50 pm

Swift checks in from her mom’s car with some medical news. “So, I’m driving to the doctors office. I burned my face with a curling iron! Don’t worry, I’m fine - I’ll call you after we’re done. [She phones a few hours later.] OK. What happened was, I woke up at 6 am and decided to curl my hair. I guess l was still asleep, because I slipped and burned my face under my right eye. It hurt really bad, but I didn’t think much of it. I edited and uploaded a MySpace video - unhindered by the fact that my face was melting off - and went downstairs, and my dad was like, ‘Oh, my God!’ I guess it was worse than I realized. So we went to the dermatologist. She gave me a prescription for some burn cream - I’m not sure what it is, but it has a lot of syllables. The good news is I’m expected to make a full recovery.”

DAY 6: MARCH 1st, 10:03 pm

Swift phones from Plant City, Florida, where she lust performed at the world famous Florida Strawberry Festival. “This place is strawberry city! When we landed, there were official Strawberry Festival minivans waiting to pick us up, driven by people in strawberry shirts. In the dressing room there were bushels of the most beautiful, gigantic chocolate covered strawberries I’ve ever seen. It’s like they welded three together! And this afternoon I met the Strawberry Festival Queen and her court. They were dressed in red and looked very sparkly. It was cold for Florida, like 55 and rainy, but everybody bundled up and had a great time. Afterward we had a police escort, which always makes you feel cool, and we’re taking a private jet, which is even cooler. On the way to the airport all these kids were trying to hurl themselves on our car - it was pretty frantic for a second. But thankfully no one got hurt. That’s why it was cool.”

DAY 7: MARCH 2nd, 12:50 pm

On her last day at home, Swift calls from her favorite couch, where she’s enjoying the view of Old Hickory Lake. “It’s freezing in Tennessee! It’s like 29 degrees, and I’m sitting here packing sundresses and flip-flops for two weeks in Australia. That and downloading movies for the 20,000-hour flight I’m about to embark on. I have three goals for this trip. One, get a tan. Two, go to the beach. And three, debut my new summer wardrobe. Oh, and four, play some good shows and make an impact on Australia! Ha. I don’t go into most situations thinking I’m going to win. I’ve never even won a raffle. These blessings I’ve had lately are more amazing than I could have ever imagined. We got the new projections today, and It’s looking like we’re going to be No.1 again. Does it feel a little sweeter this week? [Laughs] Yeah - just a little.”