#dickhead!!!

[kartoonatic]

Yes Ford is a monster fucker and yes Bill is even more of a monster fucker but just how much more is like, hard to process.

Bill is fucking with a creature which, from his perspective, has:

Infinite sides (euclidians are basic geometry)

Infinite sides that branch off into smaller extremities (do you think he realized at first the difference between a neck and a finger)

Is made out of several unique compounds (like what's the difference between flesh and bone and spit to him)

And he convinced that thing to do exactly what he wanted for the better part of it's natural life span. At one point had that thing hanging on his every word. Like I kinda get the hubris. If I successfully convinced an existential horror like that to do my bidding you couldn't talk me down from that high. And he says he likes me. Maybe like-likes me. I kinda get it.

You can argue that Bill likely came into contact with much stranger shit than humans during the entire period between meeting Ford and destroying his own home world, and you'd be right. But also I think while manipulating/romancing horrible space creatures might not be a completely new experience I also don't see how you could get bored of it.

[totallyseiso]

In the post about removing tipping.

"Rather than give money to creators you like to support their work you can instead buy them pointless shit no one cares about with zero monetary value they can put next to their username. They'll love that"

[liberalsarecool]

Republican masculinity is a disaster.

Where do you start? The insecurities? The complete lack of self-awareness? The control issues?

Imagine calling yourself a News Channel as you preach abandoning your second wife over not being able to manage your fragile ego as an admirable trait?

Conservative men are incels for the most obvious of reasons.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

You made her cry, time to die.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[theabigailthorn]

just got a transphobic commenter who said my transition didn't work because I'm "barely attractive" and I'm like

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

shoto todoroki is fucking shameless. and surprisingly clingy.

he’d done a good job becoming a little more social little by little. he’s still a little wonky and awkward during the few times he tries to make conversation, but he tries and that’s the good part. you’re proud of him.

you’ve known shoto since you were kids, his closest friend, you’d seen him through it all and you’re so grateful that he’s found friends he feels comfortable and happy with, though he always reassures you that you’re dearest to him, which always makes you a little too giddy and flustered for somebody who’s supposed to be his closest friend and nothing more.

you’re in the cafeteria chatting with your mutual friends, shoto had told you to go off without him since he needed to go the bathroom and you found yourself sitting next to midoriya when he’d scooched in next to you, happy to see there was still a spot for him at the table. you liked midoriya a lot, he was sweet, cute and most importantly he made shoto come out of his shell in a way that you regrettably never could, plus the way he flails around when he gets embarrassed is pretty funny.

(you did notice ochaco’s face going completely blank for a few seconds, but you didn’t think much about it.)

after a few minutes of giggling and chatting shoto shows up, and something is immediately wrong with the way his natural straight face goes absolutely dead in the span of three seconds. it’s subtle, but you know him and it’s there. there also seems to be a chill in the room now.

he’s at your side of the table in three seconds, but he doesn’t register your smile in greeting as his cold gaze is glued to the green haired boy next to you.

“midoriya,” and his voice even sounds a little deeper, colder as he speaks like he somehow managed to use his right side on his mouth.

“that’s my seat.” he states calmly.

“oh ! my bad, todoroki !” izuku splutters an apology, but shoto’s eyes do not waver, staying fixed on the boy until he grabs his tray and makes a move to stand “i didn’t realize this was your spot, sorry !”

you feel a little bad at how intensely he’s apologizing, but you’re still shell shocked about that look. shoto seems unfazed though, his expression morphs slightly when izuku goes to squeeze in next to iida.

“i always sit next to yn.”

it’s so stupid. really, it is. how fast that makes your heart beat. because shoto does always sit next to you, he always has and he still always does when you come over to his house. but it’s the fact that he didn’t say he always sits here, in his unassigned assigned seat.

he said he always sits next to you. and your mind and heart races.

you don’t get much time to think because immediately he’s next to you, sighing before sitting as close to you as he can. he looks over to you and you look back, still a little startle but his features are soft again when he looks at you. he drops his utensils to thread his fingers with yours under the table.

“ did you wash your hands, mister ?” you tease, but you squeeze his hand when he squeezes yours. he frowns but it’s not the one from before. it almost looks like a pout and you snort.

“yes, i did.” he snips, you giggle and his eyes soften. even as you assure him you were just kidding he doesn’t mind, he couldn’t be mad at you.

you offer him a bite of your lunch as truce and he leans forward and plops a piece in his mouth from your chopsticks, then offers you a bit of his precious soba noodles and even holds a hand below them so they don’t spill because he insists on feeding you himself.

your friends pretend they don’t see the lowkey romantic exchange, but with the way shoto keeps insisting to have you eat his food and the soft barely there smile when you crack a joke that manages to break through his icey demeanor, they can start to figure out why he wanted to sit next to you so bad.

[couldvebeenus]

(inspo - screenshots)

[bitchylittlevictorianchild]

I just got out of military training for school, and let me tell you something. Just as much as COs push their companies/squads/what-have-you to their absolute limits...they also have an indomitable sense of humor that they will push onto their subordinates.

In other words, all those fics in the CoD Fandom about any character taking their anger/sadness/what-have-you out on their company by pushing them extra are true to an extent. But there is also the opposite side of that coin, which is this: COs often fuck around with their company and take out their good emotions on them. Which has the potential to be very, very funny.

Examples:

Soap: Private, when I say "Pop your shit, twin." you will drop that thang Magic Mike style, is that understood?

---

Ghost, with a thousand-yard-stare: Take this disposable plastic fork. It is now an inspectable item to be kept on your person at all times. You will give it a name starting with L.

---

Gaz, leading his company in a march: When I give the command, you will left-face and post an L at Delta Company, understood?

Price, leading Delta Company: Recruits! Right-face and flip off Bravo Company, am I clear?

---

Soap: Private? Who is the General of the sassy man apocalypse?

Recruit: Sir, Lieutenant Riley, sir!

Soap: Very well.

---

Ghost: Recruits! Do you think...that Sergeant Mactavish...is pretty?

Soap, posing like a 50s pinup: Recruits, say ooh! Say ahh!

---

Gaz: Private...you have IBS?

Recruit: Sir, I think so, sir.

Gaz, monotone: Me too. One time, I made the mistake of eating Taco Bell while inebriated. I cried on the toilet the whole night.

Price, walking the hallway behind him, trying not to laugh: LOCK IT UP!!

Gaz: From now on, your nickname will be Private Midshitman.

---

Ghost, yelling a jodie: Now, from the top!

Recruits, responding: Make it drop!

Ghost: That's a-?

Recruits: WAP!

Ghost: THAT'S A-?

Recruits: WAP!

--

Gaz, too tired to PT: Recruits, fall out on my command, and griddy into the barracks.

[shaxza]

james somerton’s biggest fear

[katnissandpeetamellark]

HERES THE DEAL

Lucy gray’s fate is meant to be a mystery

Like Highbottom said… mystery’s drive people crazy like that’s THE WHOLE DEAL. She haunts Snow because he doesn’t know WHAT happened exactly

Sitting there and telling people they’re stupid for believing either she’s alive or dead ??? Wack move. It’s literally not confirmed for either and I really doubt it ever will be as its supposed to haunt us as well.

[xanthickee]

Meanwhile American Invasion💀

someone take my phone away🙂

[spiiiiiral]

[stevieschrodinger]

Just imagine how put out Dustin would be. He's spent months and months working on Steve, trying to get him to come and play. It had been a personal, ongoing campaign. He used every trick and manipulation and wasn't above just outright whining about it. All he asks is Steve try it; just once.

Just imagine how put out he is when Eddie gets out of the hospital, and he asks Steve one time, and Steve says yes. But of course Dustin can't complain OUT LOUD, because he got what he wanted, didn't he? Steve's going to play.

Dustin makes this as absolutely painless as possible; Steve doesn't even see his character sheet until it's done. Dustin has him roll for stats. They talk about race and class. They talk about what skills his character should have...but he doesn't go into detail. he wants to make this fun for Steve, so he lets Steve pick whatever the hell he wants and when Steve calls his gnome Trip Hazard, Dustin doesn't even bitch about it.

Dustin corners Eddie ten minutes before their one shot starts, and explicitly tells him to let Steve get away with absolutely any and all bullshit. The goal here is that Steve comes back.

Of course Dustin has no idea that Eddie has been making heart eyes at Steve for literally years and fully intends to do that, anyway.

It's a one off, so Eddie has some fun with it. He's generous with the XP and everyone has two levels before lunch, excitedly choosing new skills and spells. After a mini boss battle they come across a hoard of treasure; some of it magical.

It's a free for all and everyone walks away with a fun new powerful toy for their character; Eddie's even pre made little cards with illustrations, descriptions, and the magical abilities of each item. He does a whole array, more than they need, but everyone gets one thing each.

Steve, hilariously, chooses a seven foot spear.

Eddie holds it together and does not laugh. He lets Steve do whatever he wants, and when Steve has a moment of madness and acts out his tiny gnome suddenly getting his spear stuck in every single doorway, everyone looses their shit.

The final battle though, that evening, rapidly because serious; an acid spewing black dragon. Everyone rolls initiative. The Dragon, with advantage, goes first, and the battle goes back and forth for several turns before, "the great beast raises itself onto it's back legs, mighty wings spread, so massive they fill the cavern," Eddie climbs up on his chair, spreading his arms demonstrably, "the dragon draws in a mighty breath...Will the Wise, your move."

The party uses their turn to attack, moving their little people on the board appropriately. Steve's turn comes and everyone looks at him..."I'll, ah, move, I think."

"Attack Steve!" Dustin encourages him.

Steve moves his little gnome, with hilariously oversized cardboard accessory, to directly in front of the dragon, the air in the room grows heavy, intent, "no attack...I set to receive a charge."

Every turns to look at Eddie, who frowns down at the map.

"It's on here," Steve volunteers the little card that came with his spear. "This counts, right? Double damage because it's magic, then setting to receive a charge is double damage again..."

Everyone looks back to Eddie again who, solemnly, frowns...then nods.

The dragon unleashes it's attack, everyone in the party taking damage. The dragon falls forward, aiming to land on all of it's feet again.

"Does that...work?" Steve asks hesitantly.

Eddie nods. The damage is so great when Dustin works it out, they have to borrow dice from Will to combine with Dustin's so Steve can roll them all together. The combination enough to fill his cupped hands.

Steve kills the dragon. Everyone is up, screaming and cheering.

Steve is the only one to notice when Eddie rolls damage; Trip Hazard is instantly killed by the crushing force of a dragons corpse.

Steve doesn't care, especially not when Eddie gets real close to whisper in his ear, "that was so fucking clever, I'm furious."

[xxbeyondangelsxx]

Alex & Henry ● Paris.

Source: Red, White, & Royal Blue/Amazon Prime

[all-or-nothing-baby]

oh man i CANNOT get enough of closed-off shut-down loners finally—finally—allowing themselves to break down and become all soft and gooey and needy and whiney when getting lovingly railed into next week by the very person they've been locking horns with

[heavenbarnes]

your older bf!simon of local-football-club-fame who just plays for fuckabouts on the weekends but can’t deny that seeing ‘RILEY’ stretched across your shoulders when he hits it from the back was the main selling point