#dick king-smith

[mystery-of-arkham-asylum]

A list of books I have read this year. Will reblog everytime I update as I read more. Doing this a a bit of fun and to hopefully motive myself to read a bit more like I used to.

(I would like to state that I do not share/approve of the views or opinions of a certain author on this list. I just enjoy the books and won't let some poor excuse of a human being ruin them for me.)

First time reading | Reread

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K.Rowling

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets- J.K.Rowling

The Sheep-Pig - Dick King-Smith

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K.Rowling

Cirque Du Freak - Darren Shan

The Vampire's Assistant - Darren Shan

Tunnels of Blood - Darren Shan

The Tale of Peter Rabbit - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin - Beatrix Potter

The Tailor of Gloucester - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Benjamin Bunny - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Two Bad Mice - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Mrs Tiggy-Winkle - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of The Pie and The Patty-Pan - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Mr. Jeremy Fisher - Beatrix Potter

The Story of a Fierce Bad Rabbit - Beatrix Potter

The Story of Miss Moppet - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Tom Kitten - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Jemima Puddle Duck - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Samuel Whiskers or the Roly-Poly Pudding - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of The Flopsy Bunnies - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Ginger and Pickles - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Mrs Tittlemouse - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Timmy Tiptoes - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Mr. Tod - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Pigling Bland - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Johnny Town-Mouse - Beatrix Potter

The Tale of Little Pig Robinson - Beatrix Potter

Appley Dapply's Nursery Rhymes - Beatrix Potter

Celily Parsley's Nursery Rhymes - Beatrix Potter

Winnie-the-Pooh and some Bees - A.A.Milne

Pooh Goes Visiting & Pooh and Piglet nearly catch a Woozle - A.A.Milne

Owl becomes and author - A.A.Milne

Eeyore has a birthday - A.A.Milne

Kanga and Baby Roo Come to the Forest - A.A.Milne

An Expotition to the North Pole - A.A.Milne

Piglet is entirely surrounded by water - A.A.Milne

Christopher Robin gives a Party - A.A.Milne

Eeyore loses a tail - A.A.Milne

A House is Built at Pooh Corner - A.A.Milne

Tigger comes to the Forest - A.A.Milne

A Search is organdized - A.A.Milne

Tiggers don't climb trees - A.A.Milne

Rabbit has a busy day - A.A.Milne

Pooh invents a new game - A.A.Milne

Tigger is unbounced - A.A.Milne

Piglet does a very grand thing - A.A.Milne

Eeyore finds the Wolery - A.A.Milne

Christopher Robin and Pooh come to an enchanted place - A.A.Milne

Pooh's Poems - A.A.Milne

Christopher Robin returns to the Forest - David Benedictus

The Spelling Bee - David Benedictus

Rabbit organises almost everything - David Benedictus

It Stops raining for ever - David Benedictus

Pooh goes in search of honey - David Benedictus

Owl becomes an author - David Benedictusk

Everybody learns something - David Benedictus

The Game of Cricket - David Benedictus

Tigger Dreams of Africa - David Benedictus

The Harvest Festival - David Benedictus

Yellow Submarine - The Beatles

The Answer - Rebecca Sugar

Guide to the Crystal Gems - Rebecca Sugar

Keep Beach City Weird - Matt Burnett and Ben Levin

Young Zaphod Plays It Safe - Douglas Adams

Vampire Mountain - Darren Shan

Trials of Death - Darren Shan

The Vampire Prince - Darren Shan

Coraline - Neil Gaiman

Cycle of the Werewolf - Stephen King

The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman

Troll Bridge - Terry Pratchett

Turntables of the Night- Terry Pratchett

The Sea and Little Fishes- Terry Pratchet

Hunters of the Dark - Darren Shan

Escape from Bloodcastle - Jenny Tyler

Curse of the Lost Idol - Gaby Waters

The Incredible Dinosaur Experdition - Karen Dolby

Time Train to Ancient Rome - Gaby Waters

Agent Arthur's Jungle Journey - Martin Oliver

Agent Arthur on the Stormy Seas - Martin Oliver

The Ghost in the Mirror - Karen Dolby

Agent Arthur's Artic Adventure - Martin Oliver

Journey to the Lost Temple - Susannah Leigh

The Pyramid Plot - Justin Somper

The Emerald Conspiracy - Mark Fowler

Mutiny at Crossbones Bay - Mark Burgess

Jonathan Livingston Seagull - Richard Bach

A Day with Wibur Robinson - William Joyce

Allies of the Night - Darren Shan

Killers of the Dawn - Darren Shan

Animal Farm - George Orwell

The Phantom Tollbooth - Norton Juster

The Necrophiliac - Gabrielle Wittkop

Never Say Boo to a Ghost - John Foster and Korky Paul

Red Dwarf Log No. 1996 - Paul Alexander

Wacky Wednesday - Dr. Seuss

The Wild Robot - Peter Brown

I Wish I had Duck Feet - Dr. Seuss

Ten Apples up on Top - Dr. Seuss

Scrambled Eggs Super! - Dr. Seuss

One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish - Dr. Seuss

The Sneetches and Other Stories - Dr. Seuss

Hop on Pop - Dr. Seuss

The Larax - Dr. Seuss

I Can Read with My Eyes Shut! - Dr. Seuss

The Tales of Beedle the Bard - J.K.Rowling

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - J.K.Rowling

Quidditch Through the Ages - J.K.Rowling

[haveyoureadthisfantasybook]

vote yes if you have finished the entire book.

vote no if you have not finished the entire book.

(faq · submit a book)

[rbolick]

Books On Books Collection - Catherine Macorol

A is for Axolotl (2022) A is for Axolotl: An Unusual Animal ABC (2022) Catherine Macorol Casebound laminated cover with dustjacket. H230 x W290 mm. 32 pages. Acquired from Saint Bookstore, 28 May 2023. Photos: Books On Books Collection. Unfortunately climate change makes possible a sub-collection of abecedaries on the subject of endangered animals. Since Dick King-Smith and Quentin Blake’s…

[toneyowen]

Cover illustration by: Diane Voyajolu

This artist clearly wasn't briefed on the story beyond the title and "kid has a parrot", but damn if it isn't evocative. Paperback artists should get their names on the cover, not hidden down by the ISBN. No kid would have shelled out for this at the book fair if it weren't for this leering little creep getting weird with his bird.

🦜 ♟️ 👁️ 👄 👁️ 🤦‍♀️

[thingsasbarcodes]

The Suicide Squad (2021)

[crayonkiddo-24]

Some more children’s books my mum got yesterday!

[sammaggs]

1x02 Diefenbaker’s Day Off // 2x08 One Good Man // 2x13 White Men Can’t Jump to Conclusions // 3x01 Burning Down the House | Normalized

due South does a main character re-casting better than any other show on TV, and they do it by playing with television's own accepted meta-narrative.

Recasting a character has a long tradition in television, creating a viewership that knows and understands the storytelling short form at play. As viewers, we realize that sometimes actors aren't available to reprise a role (or simply aren't interested in it anymore); but, for the sake of the story, sometimes the show needs that character to come back. So we lean hard into suspended disbelief and just go with it. After all, the characters in the show accept the parareality of it—why shouldn't we?

Of course, the most famous example of a character recast would be the Dick/Darren disaster on 1960s sitcom Bewitched, when Dick York was unceremoniously replaced by Dick Sargent in the role of Darrin Stephens. ("The Dick Wars" would have gone absolutely insane).

it was... not successful

But they weren't the only ones to do it. Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince, Becky from Roseanne, Daario Naharis from Game of Thrones, Greg Serrano from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (pain, agony)—recasting characters but maintaining the fiction is a storied tradition in TV. New actor, same character; totally normalized.

And shows continue to do it, even today, with a—uh—similar dedication to fucking it up doing it poorly.

why must we be punished like this

due South even engages in this trope itself in season 2, when hard-hitting investigative journalist Mackenzie King is recast and they don't even try to find an actress who looks similar. In 1x02 Diefenbaker's Day Off, she's played by brunette Madolyn Smith-Osborne; in 2x08 One Good Man, she's been replaced by blonde Maria Bello, and nobody talks about it.

yeah i'm absolutely the same person, obviously

Everyone diegetically (within the world of the show) is just like, oh yeah, that's hard-hitting investigative journalist Mackenzie King. Totally. Only non-diegetically (outside of the world of the show) does the viewer go "No, that's not the same person." Internally, the fiction proceeds as usual.

So what would happen if, say, Samantha Stephens turned to Dick Sargent and said "You're not Darrin," when everyone else in the show continued to treat him as though he was? Or if Jaskier told Geralt that he knows he's not actually Geralt, and everyone treated him like he was delusional?

Or if Fraser, even, had recognized Mackenzie King as someone entirely different, and everyone treated him like he had a hole in his bag of marbles because of it? Of course that's Mackenzie King; even her boss knows it. No, she's never been a brunette. What are you talking about?

And that's exactly what happens in Burning Down the House.

the rays vecchio

Diagetically, everyone else treats Callum Keith Rennie's character as though he is Ray Vecchio. "Oh, good, you found him," says Det. Huey. Elaine, Franchesca, literally everyone else both at the station and outside of it treat Callum Keith Rennie Ray Vecchio as though he is David Marciano Ray Vecchio. They're acting exactly as any other TV character would in the face of a recasting: as though absolutely nothing had happened.

Except for Fraser.

Fraser's specific brand of parareal Canadian plot magic means that he's immune to the recasting blindness; he's acting as an agent of the viewer, voicing our non-diegetic concerns. Fraser is (as he so often is) a character with one foot outside of the narrative. He's just always been like this and he doesn't know why.

oh this man is infuriating and hot, fuck. shit.

And for a character who already thinks he is likely insane (he sees the ghost of his dead father! He communicates with his deaf half-wolf! He is instantly committed to a mental institution upon voicing the actual true story of his life!), this is very extremely distressing. Fraser thinks he's actually lost it this time, because everyone else in due South is acting like a TV character, and Benton Fraser is acting like a viewer.

This is so brilliant on so many levels. They just fully lampshade the damn thing. It allows our protagonist to speak for disgruntled or confused viewers. It engages at a postmodern level with television as a medium with a storied history (and due South is incredibly postmodern; nearly every episode is or contains a reference to another piece of media). It's written from the perspective of someone who loves and is knowledgeable about TV tropes.

And it gives us an entirely new Ray while still maintaining respect and loyalty to the original, something no other straight (lol) recast could ever do.

Genuinely one of the most clever, witty, well-crafted hours of television ever made. I could write essays about so many different parts of it. And I guess I will!!!!!!

It’s Burning Down the House week in our dS Stacked Rewatch!

[zepskies]

Take Me Home - Part 1

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: Welcome to my first ever Big Sky series! I’ve been wanting to get to this for a while now. I’m so glad I finally get to start sharing this with you! I truly hope you enjoy the ride. (Note: This is set towards the beginning of season 3.)

Song Inspo: “Fly Away” by John Denver. And remember, you can listen to the full Take Me Home Playlist ⬅️ here.

Word Count: 4,400

Tags/Warnings: A bit of angst, a bit of setup, “Glamper Girl,” and a side helping of cops enjoying baked goods…

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 1: All of Her Days

“This really feels like cheating,” you mused.

Yet again, you surveyed the sheer size and luxury of this tent you were supposed to be “camping” in.

Between the giant king-sized bed with crème and burgundy comforters, a two-seater dining table, a dresser (with a vanity), and even a small bookshelf, it looked like the Taj Mahal of glamping.

“Can’t you just enjoy it?” your best friend replied, poking a teasing finger into your side. She smirked when you flinched and gave her some playful side-eye. “My parents are the ones footing the bill, anyway.”

“Of which, I intend to pay them back for my half,” you said. Mary just rolled her eyes and waved you off. Her parents’ money was something she’d never had a problem spending.

“Come on, they’re getting ready to go on the hike without us,” she said, tossing her little purse over her shoulder. You were a bit more practical with your backpack, filled with a bottle of water, a couple snacks, bug spray, and your sketch pad.

Mary bumped your shoulder with hers as you two walked out of the tent, and you gave her a smile. You were glad she insisted on this little week-long excursion. It gave you exactly five more days to enjoy the fresh air of no responsibilities, before you returned to reality.

“So where are you guys from?” you asked a couple of walking companions on the early-morning hike.

The woods of Helena, Montana were vast and deep, and you found them a bit intimidating. You were a city girl, through and through, but you were learning to appreciate the mountains and the steep trails flanked by dense trees. You were also grateful that you weren’t alone. 

Emily seemed to be a nice girl around sixteen, while her stepfather Avery was a lightly graying man in his 40s. You pegged his accent as English, the “casual posh” kind. On a scale from Dame Maggie Smith to Dick Van Dyke's attempt at cockney, you’d put Avery on a Benedict Cumberbatch level.

“Well, I met her mother in Houston,” Avery replied, nodding at the girl beside you. “She and Emily joined me here in Helena after we were married this past spring.”

Emily confirmed with a nod. “Yep, starting school here in a few months.”

At that, you could smile. “Me too, actually.”

Emily gave you a confused look while she fiddled with an app on her phone.

“What? You’re still in school?” she asked.

“No,” you laughed. “I’m—”

“She’s a college professor,” Mary tacked on. “AKA: a giant nerd.”

Emily tried not to smile at your expense. You just shook your head at your friend.

“Thanks,” you said wryly, despite your amusement. “We can’t all be personal trainers. One can only take so much Spandex.”

Mary rolled her eyes and prepared to fire back a retort, but your attention shifted back to Emily, who seemed to be debating whether to press a red button on her phone. You thought it looked like a voice recording app.

You followed her line of vision and saw Paige and Luke up ahead—a young “happy couple” here at Sunny Day Excursions. They were whisper-yelling at each other, sniping something about Luke’s birthday. Apparently, he had a problem with getting another year older.

Don’t we all, you thought, with no small amount of sarcasm. The guy had been a sour apple since the start of this trip, and to be honest, he was starting to get on your damn nerves.

“This is like, prime time stuff for my podcast,” Emily whispered.

You looked over at her. “Oh yeah? What’s your podcast about?”

“Relationships, lies, that sort of thing,” she replied.

You almost grimaced. Good luck finding willing subjects for that one.

Mary snickered on your other side. She leaned close to your ear so only you would hear.

“God, Paige’s voice is so effing annoying. Like a chipmunk on helium,” she said. “I feel sorry for him.”

You shot her a dry look. “He’s the one asking for it, if you ask me. But they’ve been going at it the whole time. Makes me feel sorry for both of them.”

You shook your head and kept walking on the trail. Mary sobered as she stared back at you. She was reminded of why you two were really here, and what you’d been through this past year…

What you all had been through.

You and Mary fell behind Avery and Emily on the trail, giving Mary the opportunity to touch your arm and stop you in the middle of the trail.

“Do you really plan to stay here?” she asked. “In dusty-ass Montana? With the snakes and the bears and the old hicks?”

“Well, I got the key to my apartment before we got here,” you said. And she knew that. “My aunt is letting me crash with her until the rest of my things ship over in a couple of weeks, and I start a new job in the fall. So yeah, I’m staying.”

Mary’s lips pursed. She gave you a long look, but you held your ground. You even popped your Airpods in for good measure. You were done with this conversation.

She huffed and kept walking.

You watched your friend go in annoyance. You knew she would try to talk you out of your decision at some point on this trip, but you hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

Heaving a sigh, you looked up at the clear sky above you, filtered through the tall trees. You took a moment to collect yourself in this great big no man’s land, where you could finally let yourself slow down for a minute, and breathe.

You raised the volume in your Airpods when a particular song came through.

“All of her days have gone soft and cloudy. All of her dreams have gone dry,” crooned the soft melody. You nodded to the rhythm of the mellow notes, but all the while, you tried to blink through the sting of tears.

“All of her nights have gone sad and shady. She's getting ready to fly…”

You rubbed your left hand, where you still had the tan line of the ring you used to wear.

“It’s really okay, sweetie,” Mary tried to console you, rubbing her hand between your shoulders.

After the hike, you all had returned to camp and sat down to brunch. It was an amazing spread, with waffles and muffins and Danishes, eggs done three different ways, toast with jam, assorted sandwiches, coffee and orange juice (and sparkling wine for the adults).

But even with a huge plate of appetizing food in front of you, you were sulking a bit. You had your face covered by your hands as you rested your elbows on the table.

“One of my only goals on this trip was to ride a damn horse, and I couldn’t even do that,” you said.

Sunny Barnes and her husband Buck were the heads and hosts of this whole trip. And after the hike, their son, Cormack, had tried to help you onto the nice chestnut mare the handler had brought out of the stable for you. But your entire body had locked up in fear at the prospect of being vaulted onto the horse.

In fairness, she was huge. And you were both afraid of heights, and animals that could buck you off its back and trample you.

You hadn’t been able to speak. You just shook your head vigorously every time Cormack asked you if you were okay.

So he’d graciously patted your back and gave the mare to Emily instead.

“I’ve never been able to ride a horse either,” Avery offered in commiseration. You lowered your hands and gave him a wan smile.

Emily was carving an apple with an impressive (and somewhat scary) looking pocketknife. She shrugged.

“It’s not so hard,” she said. But, perhaps realizing how she sounded, she looked up and gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry. I mean, I’m sure you’ll get it! It’s hard in the beginning, but once you get used to it, it’s like riding a bike.”

Right. A bike with hooves, you thought, ripping a piece of bread from your egg and cheese sandwich.

Mary bumped your shoulder with a teasing smile. “You just got showed up by a high schooler. Again.”

You pursed your lips in amusement. You tossed the piece of bread. It hit her dead between the eyes. You giggled at the way she jumped with a start.

“Real mature,” she shot back.

“Yeah,” you replied, taking a giant bite of your sandwich for good measure. “I learned from you.”

Even Emily snickered, making Mary roll her eyes in amusement.

Shortly after, Avery and his stepdaughter were finished with brunch and got up to get back to their tents.

You glanced over and noticed that Emily had left her knife on the table, now closed in its sheath.

Sheriff Beau Arlen may have still been relatively new in town, but he considered himself a consummate professional.

He’d agreed to accompany Cassie, the local private investigator (and his friend), up to this mountain pass to look for a missing backpacker. Questioning Buck and Sunny Barnes and their crew was just good old-fashioned, thorough police work.

But if it also gave Beau a chance to check on his daughter up here “glamping” with her half-baked stepfather, then he couldn’t pass up on that opportunity, now could he?

After talking to Buck and Sunny, who hadn’t seen hide or hair of the backpacker, Beau let Cassie take care of questioning Cormack Barnes while Beau found his daughter outside her tent. After giving her a big hug and inspecting her “tent” (Really? he thought. Looks more like a hotel room than a tent.), he asked her how her trip was going so far.

“Good, Dad. But you really didn’t have to come all the way out here just to check up on me,” Emily said. She was amused, but no longer surprised to see him.

“No, no, no. I didn’t, okay?” Beau refuted. Though at the look on her face, he knew he wasn’t fooling her. She was a sharp kid. “All right, maybe not the only reason. We had to talk to Sunny about a missing backpacker. It’s something Cassie’s investigating.”

Emily’s amusement faded into surprise, and then concern.

“Wait, what?” she said.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing. Just, you know…parents probably didn’t get the memo that ‘off-the-grid’ was part of the deal,” he said, giving her a meaningful raise of his brows. Maybe his daughter didn’t have to screen so many of his calls while she was on this trip.

“Overprotective parents, huh?” Emily dryly remarked.

“The worst,” Beau agreed, shaking his head.

But he smiled. Just seeing her made his whole week better…and it alleviated some of the hurt in his heart. Not getting to be with her on a trip like this stung. And knowing Avery was the one who got to be there for her grated on him.

Beau was already missing too much of his daughter’s life, and he still wasn’t too sure on how to deal with that.

Speak of the devil, he thought. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Avery approaching. Beau forced himself to look as close to pleasant as he could get around his ex-wife’s husband.

While Mary went back to the tent to freshen up, you grabbed Emily’s pocketknife and went to look for her so you could return it. It had a wood-carved hilt and had her initials, E. A., engraved on the side. The knife looked special, not the kind of thing you wanted to lose.

You found her outside her tent with her stepfather, and a man you didn’t know. He had broad shoulders and short brown hair that swept above his brow. When he turned to look at you, the first thing you noticed was the cut of his bearded chin, and then the green of his eyes.

You didn’t realize it, but your insides stilled, just for a moment. Then you remembered to smile.

Avery looked a bit tense, as did the newcomer. You sensed you were interrupting a tete-a-tete. 

“Uh, hi. I’m sorry,” you said, and extended the sheathed knife toward Emily. “Just wanted to get this back to you. You left it at the table.”

“Oh! Thanks,” Emily said gratefully.

“Well, hi there,” said the new guy. He was tall, you noted, wearing a beige jacket over a buttoned-down shirt, some jeans, and boots. It was a casual look, but all worked very well for him…in a rugged cowboy sense.

“This is my dad,” Emily supplied.

“Sheriff Beau Arlen, ma’am,” he said, giving you a more friendly smile that you matched in kind when you shook his hand. You also gave him your name to go along with it.

“You here for a little belated vacation, Sheriff?” you added.

“No. Matter of fact, I’m here on police business,” he replied. That concerned you, but he was quick to wave a dismissive hand. “Everything’s okay here. Just checking on a missing backpacker. But it looks like we’ll have to continue our search for him elsewhere.”

You hummed at that in concern. “Well, I hope you find him.”

“I do too,” he agreed with a nod.

Then, Emily took the slight pause in the conversation as her chance to escape.

“Okay, Dad, well, we’re gonna go hike down to the lake,” she said, gesturing at Avery. “But as you can see, I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Beau’s smile became a bit tight, but he nodded in understanding. He gave her a big hug, and you could see he was reluctant to let her go. Avery stood behind them. He held tension in his shoulders. You felt a bit awkward yourself, being in the midst of what was clearly an uneasy family dynamic.

Beau released his daughter. After she took off with Avery following close behind, Beau turned to you next. You tried not to blush at the sight of his handsome face.

“Sorry, again,” you said, raising a placating hand. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

His lips twitched upward, and he shook his head. “You’re fine. Though you don’t look like a local. You from outta town?”

I could say the same thing about you, cowboy, you thought. There was a slight southern drawl in his voice that sounded like Alabama. Maybe Texas?

“You got me,” you nodded. “I’m from Chicago originally, but…I’ve actually just moved here to Helena.”

“Ahh, a city girl,” he remarked. “Small world. I just got here a few months ago myself. Houston, Texas.”

Your smile brightened. Right on the money.

“Yeah, I figured,” you couldn’t help teasing him a little. His grin kicked up in the corner.

“How’re the mountains and fresh air treating you then?” he asked. “Better than that blanket a’ smog in Chicago.”

“We do not have smog…or, well, not that much,” you laughed, “but yes, I’m actually really liking it here so far. I mean, I just got here about a week ago. I’m still learning. Though Emily actually tried to help me ride a horse today.”

“Yeah?” His brows raised. “How’d that go?”

You had to laugh. A kind of self-deprecating laugh that had you half-covering your face to stem off your blush.

“Not well,” you admitted.

Beau ducked his head with a smile. He met your eyes in amusement, but not without kindness.

“Well, here’s a tip for ya,” he said. He planted his feet, held his hands up into lightly clenched fists. “The trick is in the legs. Grip tight, but not too tight. He’ll think you’re rarin’ to go.”

You blinked a bit wider. Was that just honest advice…or was he sort of flirting with you?

It made you blush in earnest.

“Ah. Good to know,” you said with a laugh. He treated you with a tip of his imaginary hat.

“Hey,” someone called out.

Both of your heads turned to a tall black woman with long curly hair. She gave you a polite smile before she nodded up at Beau.

“You ready to go?” she asked.

“Ah, yep,” Beau nodded. He gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry, gotta get back to the station.”

“Oh, of course,” you said. But you held up a finger. “Wait, just a sec.”

You hastened back over to the table of confections from brunch and offered them a chocolate chip muffin each for the road. Cassie politely declined, but Beau gladly took his.

“Although, are you trying to stereotype me or somethin’?” he teased.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, but after a moment, it hit you. You’d just given a cop a baked good.  

“At least it wasn’t a donut,” you quipped, despite your embarrassment. Beau still looked bemused, but he let you off the hook.

“That’s okay. I’ve never been known to turn down free food,” he assured.

“He really doesn’t,” Cassie confirmed. You noticed how she was waiting, arms crossed.

“Well, there you go! Sorry for keeping you,” you said.

“Not at all, darlin’,” said Beau. His smile had a charming gleam. “Nice to meet you.”

You quirked a smile back. “Wow, you are from Texas.”

You didn’t think you’d ever been called darlin’ in your life.

Beau’s good humor shifted into slight embarrassment himself.

“Sorry. I’ve been told to stop doing that,” he said. When he chuckled, you did along with him. You weren’t offended by it, just surprised by the old-fashioned endearment.

“It’s okay,” you said. “Nice to meet you too, Sheriff.”

You raised a hand in goodbye, and Beau returned it, watching you go. Meanwhile, Cassie watched him with a small smirk. He stepped down from the short platform in front of Emily’s tent to meet her.

“Were you just checking out Glamper Girl? In front of your daughter, no less,” Cassie remarked.

Beau shot her a look of denial. “I did no such thing. I’m a professional. And a gentleman, mind you.”

Cassie rose a brow at him. It stirred up a bit of his defensiveness. 

“But, I’ll have you know that Em had already moved on when I had a friendly conversation with the glamper,” he said.

Cassie rolled her eyes. Right.

That afternoon, you decided to bring your sketchpad and your modest collection of paints to the lake. You sat on the bank and tried to paint, while Mary joined the others in swimming.

“That looks nice,” Emily’s voice startled you from behind.

You twisted to look at her, and she gave you an apologetic look. She was dressed to go for a swim in a one-piece bathing suit and some shorts. She seemed more of a conservative dresser than typical high school girls her age. Maybe that had something to do with a policeman being her father, or maybe that was just her personality.

“Sorry,” she said, raising her hands.

“It’s okay.” You waved it off and gestured for her to sit beside you if she wanted. She did so, admiring your work over your shoulder. You felt a little embarrassed by it, but you didn’t mind her watching you try to paint ripples of light on the water.

“Are you an artist?” she asked.

You shot her a smile. “You’re very sweet, but no. I just started this year.”

You’d just Googled some therapeutic techniques instead of, you know, going to therapy. You just knew that if you did, your aunt would probably tell your parents, who would never let you hear the end of it. Specifically, why it was a waste of time. Your father especially would have something to say.

But one of the sources you found suggested trying out some creative outlets to calm the mind and think productively, but not create more stress for yourself. You’d tried a few different things, but landed on painting. It was working for you so far, even if you didn’t think you were that good.

“How do you like Montana so far?” you asked your companion. “Your dad told me you guys just moved here too, a few months ago.”

“Yeah, when my mom got remarried, my dad moved to stay close to me,” Emily explained.

Your brows raised. Your painting hand paused with the brush near the page.

“Well, that’s a good father,” you said. You smiled at the thought of Beau Arlen. The way he hugged his daughter before, like she was his entire world, and the fact that he’d moved entire states just to stay with her, told you a great deal about the town’s new sheriff.

Emily nodded, but her lips were pressed. “He’s a bit overprotective.”

“Well, he is a cop,” You said, smiling. “I assume that’s just part of the package.”

“I get that,” she said. “It’s just…a bit much sometimes.”

You gave her a sympathetic look. “I understand. My dad can be like that too. He’s got his soft moments, but he can be a real tough nut too… He’s a retired fireman.”

“Wow, that’s cool,” Emily said. She looked impressed. “Did you ever want to be a firefighter?”

You chuckled. “No, and he never wanted me to. It just wasn’t my beat, anyway.”

In the many years before your father had risen in the ranks to firehouse chief, your mother had often worried about him when he was on shift. Being a firefighter in inner-city Chicago had brought some hard and dangerous calls.

But you had always been more bookish, and both your parents were grateful for that.

You sighed. Your paintbrush made a stroke of deep green on the page, creating darker shades in the bottom of the lake.

“I did end up dating one though. Almost married him too,” you muttered, before you could stop yourself. You forgot you were talking to an insatiably curious girl.

“Really? What happened?” she asked. You looked over at her, and she was staring at you with her full attention. You remembered then that her podcast was supposed to be about relationships, but you had no desire to be a subject.

“It didn’t work out,” you said at last, and with difficulty.

“Why?” Emily asked.

Your internal struggle kept you quiet. It gave time for Emily to really see the withdrawn, almost pained look on your face, the slight hunch of your shoulders. She deflated guiltily.

“Uh, sorry,” she said.

You offered a small smile. “It’s okay, honey.”

“I’ll uh, just let you get back to painting,” she said. You waved her goodbye after she got up and left, giving you one last look before she joined her stepfather in the lake.

You let out a deep breath. The teen was tenacious, and naturally curious. That in itself wasn’t such a bad thing. But as you watched her splash at Avery, laughing that weightless laugh that kids got to have, you realized how much you missed being that young and free in your heart.

Again, out of habit, you set down your brush and rubbed at your empty left ring finger.

Mary finally joined you back in your shared tent after a long night of socializing by the fire. You had kept to the tent, reading Much Ado About Nothing for one of your classes that would start in the fall. It wasn’t your first time reading the Shakespeare play, by any means, but you did want to brush up on it.

“You know, you’re actually supposed to be vacationing on this vacation,” Mary pointed out. She started changing into her pajamas for bed. You were already cozy in one of your old college hoodies and some shorts, not to mention snuggled under the warm blankets.

“I am,” you said defensively. “I hiked, I painted, I ate no less than one burger, a basket of fries, and three smores, and now I’m reading.”

“Yeah, for school,” she pointed out. “I may not be as smart as you, but I know homework when I see it.”

You shot her a smile. “You’re plenty smart, M.”

She snorted and slipped into bed beside you. It felt like the sleepovers you two used to have in college, years ago, when she’d come to crash in your dorm, or you in hers. She’d been a philosophy major (despite not giving two shits about Socrates), forced to attend college by her parents. You were an English major, working three part-time jobs just to get you through until graduation.

“Hey,” she said, laying a hand on your shoulder. You turned to her in question. She seemed more serious than usual.

“I’m worried about you,” she said. “And I’m not the only one.”

You sighed. Lowering your book, you leaned back against your pillows and stared up at the tent’s fairy lights.

“I know,” you replied. “But you don’t need to be.”

“Yeah you keep saying that, but you know the real reason I’m here, right?” Mary asked. Her insistent hand on your arm made you meet her eyes.

“You don’t have to do this," she said. "You don’t have to move out here and leave everything behind. You should just come home with me. Your parents, our friends—everyone wants to be there for you, like we have all year.”

Your lips pursed, and you shook your head.

“I’m not going to change my mind. So if that’s really why you’re here, and not to just spend some time with me, as my friend, then you should just go home,” you said. “I’ll leave here and go to my aunt’s house. I’m sure your parents can negotiate some kind of refund.”

Mary got angry and huffy, just like you thought she would. You weren’t playing around though. This was your life, and your decision.

If your friends and your family couldn’t be happy for you, or at least understanding, then they could at least respect you. You just weren’t sure when they’d get the hint that this was real.

You were moving to Montana, permanently.

On the drive back into town from the camping site, Beau ate his chocolate chip muffin and tried his best to listen to Cassie—to her theories on where the backpacker might’ve gone, and how best to tell the parents to keep her on this investigation.

A good part of him was still thinking about his daughter, wishing he could be there with her right now. 

And maybe, his mind occasionally wandered…thinking about the pretty shade of your eyes when you smiled at him.

AN: And there we have it, Part 1 of a new series! If you liked it, please let me know! 🥰

And a special Happy Birthday to @jackles010378! 💖 I was going to say we're both Aries (mine is next month) but forgot Pisces comes first lol. ♓

Next Time:

The trees were tall and dark now. The moon was filtering through them like the sun had during other day hikes, but it was much more ominous at night.

“Shit,” you muttered. You gripped your flashlight in worry as panic started to well up in your chest.

Now you were lost.

You jumped with a start when the hoot of a bird passed by overhead.

Shiiiit. This was very bad.

You kept moving forward on what you thought was the trail. That was all you could do, keep moving forward. You made a few turns around some trees, occasionally calling out for Sunny, or Mary, or anyone to hear you.

▶️ Keep Reading: Part 2

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Series Masterlist

Big Sky Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List:

@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373 @brianochka @branj19 @globetrotter28 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @ades106

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[strangersteddierthings]

Based on a twitter thread the lovely @nburkhardt shared in the Discord chat and I just took the idea that Gareth is both Chrissy AND Steve's cousin and ran with it.

"Harrington, think fast!" Gareth is already lobbing the cream soda at Steve's head before he's even fully looked up but the asshole snatches it out of the air no problem. It barely even fizzes when he cracks the can open. The bastard.

"And for you, Chrysanthemum," Gareth hands off her cream soda gently, because she's his favorite cousin. She laughs at him but takes the soda. She doesn't open it right away, instead opting to set it beside her in the shade of the shed they've taken residency of. Out of sight of the rest of their family and their thousand and one questions.

"You know nicknames are supposed to be shorter than the original name, right?" Steve says, then burps because he chugged half the soda in one swallow.

"Gross," Chrissy says at the same time as Gareth's, "noice."

Steve grins, pleased with himself.

"Hey, so. I wanted to talk to you guys about something," Gareth says after a moment of quiet has fallen over them. He's plopped down in the front of them instead of resuming his spot beside Chrissy, leaning against the shed in the shade. It puts him in the sun but he wants to look at them both as they talk.

"Anything, Garebearringham," Chrissy says to annoy Steve with a lengthened nickanme.

"So, I'll be a freshman this year. And, I love you guys, you know I do, but, uh, I don't want to be seen associating with you. Publically."

There's a beat of silence where Steve and Chrissy just stare back, Chrissy looking hurt and Steve looking offended.

"What I mean is that you're both already, like, known. You know? And I don't want to just be… the cool kids' younger cousin. I want to be uncool on my own."

Chrissy says, "Oh. Yeah, I get that."

Steve says, "You want to be uncool?"

Gareth gestures to all of himself. "I am not aiming to win the popularity contest. I want to join the Hellfire club." He points an accusing finger at Steve. "You told me yourself that the club leader climbs on tables and rants about jocks-"

"Yeah, as a warning to not join Hellfire. How did you read that wrong?"

"-so I can't be seen associating with a cheerleader and the king of jocks. That'll ruin my, like, cred or whatever!"

Chrissy is nodding along solemnly. She's always been understand and sympathetic to Gareth, especially when it comes to being himself. In quiet alone times, she's confessed to being jealous of how easily being himself came to him and she wished she was as brave. Steve, however, was a conformist through and through and while Gareth could understand the why (his uncle and aunt are not the best of people) he's never going to try and fit in just because it makes like easier.

"Your cred," Steve says monotone, his bitch face out in full force.

"Yeah! My street cred!"

Chrissy and Steve share a look. Steve raises and eyebrow and Chrissy shrugs before they look back to Gareth.

"Alright. You're secret is safe with us, Garrington," Chrissy teases.

"Do not!"

"You think people aren't going to put together that you and Chrissy have the same last name?" Steve says, because he's a shithead.

"So? There like 4 Smiths, and none of them are related. It'll be fine."

"True. No one will believe the amazing Chrissy Cunningham is related to the absolute loser Gareth Cunningham."

"Absolute loser! You're a dick, Steve Harrington."

"Yeah, but you know I got your back even if you're a loser."

Gareth doesn't answer. He opens his own soda then, chugging enough to let out his own gross burp for Chrissy to scold him about and Steve to laugh.

It's the summer of 1983 and things can only go up for them all now that they're all in high school together.

[smutinlove]

Masterlist

Dedicated to my dirty whores <3 @jas2010 @carlsdarling @taylormarieee @loveforcarl @hiro--aoki

A cute masterlist showing ALL my dirty smut, fluff, and angst &lt;3

I'm UselessBitch4205 on Wattpad <3

rules for requesting

I write for:

-Carl Grimes

-Dick Grayson

-Jason Todd

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Suggestive—Eyes apparently don't lie

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Fluff—Reader writes a love letter/appreciation letter

Fluff-Cabin—Carl Grimes asks to marry you

Fluff—CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Fluff—NEW YEAR SPECIAL (2024)

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Angst—Carl, Rick, and Glenn notice that the reader hasn't been eating/sleeping. They force an intervention.

Angst—Reader cries about Carl's death

Angst—Reader dies. Carl cries. (Lineup)

Angst—Reader hurts herself. Carl comforts her.

Angst —Carl comforts an insecure reader. SH WARNING

Angst leading to fluff—Carl goes on a scavenging trip but gets lost. The reader goes to look for him.

Angst—After Negan kills readers father figure, Glenn Rhee, she and Carl start to fight a lot. One day, after an intense fight, Negan suddenly arrives to Alexandria. He manipulates the reader to Carl.

Angst/fluff—Dad figure Glenn. Carl hangs out with Enid a lot, making the reader jealous. !argument

Angst/fluff—Shy/sensitive reader. Carl and reader fight because she sneaks out and Rick scolds Carl, making him apologize.

Angst/fluff—Dad figure Glenn. Reader runs away because she hates Enid and her father figure adopted her. Carl finds her.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

WORDS BURN HARD: CARL GRIMES X FEM!OC

Chapter One: The Woods

Chapter Two: Undetected

Chapter Three: Solitude

Chapter Four: a secret

Chapter Five: I watch as you're leaving

Chapter Six: Meddlsome

Chapter Seven: The Journal

Chapter Eight: A caged boy

Chapter Nine: Lavenders

Chapter Ten: Little Blue light

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Small Series

You were my light part 1 —The daughter of the now dead Negan Smith is walking in the woods. She thought she was alone. But she wasn't.

You were my light part 2

You were my light part 3

You were my light part 4

You were my light part 5

You were my light ALTERNATIVE ENDING—The daughter of Negan Smith wakes up from what she thought was real but was a dream. She wants to find him. Y/N Smith wants to find Carl Grimes.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Dick Grayson

NSFW Alphabet—for the ladies who noticed the lack of dick grayson content.

King of my heart—You and him cannot be together. You two are from different worlds. !Fem!Knight!reader x !Prince!Dick Grayson.

SFW Alphabet—for the ladies who know dick grayson is just another softie <3

Breeding Kink—Dick sees how good you are with Roy's daughter and wants to put a baby in you.

Dick Grayson: first anniversary headcanons—this is cute. dick grayson is a gentleman. !gender neutral reader

College!Dick Grayson headcanon—he would do it to your fav song. he's snarky, he's THE shit. and he's mine <3

In the shower—Sex in the shower. What's better than that?

Safeword—Dick and Jason headcanons to you using the safeword.

Wayne Gala with a twist—Dick sees men staring at you but he wants them to know that YOU are HIS. (Basically hot sex in bruce's office)

Missed me?—an injured nightwing comes home... he's in a teasing mood.

Belt loops—Dick is a little handsy sometimes. PDA? That's his thing.

Insecurities —Fem!reader

Mission gone wrong—A simple mission. How'd you two end up married?

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Jason Todd

NSFW Alphabet—you know what this is, love.

Training Room—sweaty jason todd is a NEED.

More size k!!nk headcanons

The Rooftop—You convince Jason to not jump.

size k!!!nk—jason "size kink" todd headcanons. ugh, he's scrumptious.

Notebook—You're a journalist, he's Jason Todd. Do I need to say more? fem!reader

Trinity—Jason and Carl Grimes don't fuck. They fuck you. (Threesome)

Random Headcanons—a bunch of silly little headcanons

Safeword—Dick and Jason headcanons to you using the safeword.

Amusement Park—fluff. You and Jason and a few friends are at an amusement park. Jason spots a haunted house. Things turn interesting.

Wayne Gala Headcanons—Jason taking you to the Wayne Gala.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Draco Malfoy

Smut —Sex with the Slytherin prince.

Smut—Your secret boyfriend is Draco Malfoy.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Glenn and Maggie

Fluff—It's some cute fluff. (Glenn and Maggie are badasses in this too)

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

WORDS BURN HARD - BY UselessBitch4205 on Wattpad <3

[rbolick]

Books On Books Collection - David McLimans

Gone Wild (2016) Gone Wild: An Endangered Animal Alphabet (2016)David McLimansCasebound, illustrated paper over boards, illustrated doublures, sewn book block. Illustrated, debossed glossy paper dustjacket. H255 x W285 mm. 36 unnumbered pages. Acquired from Gargoyle Books, 25 August 2022.Photos: Books On Books Collection. In the history of children’s books, the alphabet looms large, and among…

[reareaotaku]

Masterlist III | COMPLETED

Finished: June 7, 2024 [12:27 PM CDT] *= Slightly NSFW/NSFW Masterlist I Masterlist II Masterlist IV

I Am Not Okay with This

Stanley Barber

Stanley Barber Headcanons Late Night Calls Backseat Driving*

Stranger Things

Mike Wheeler

My Sweet Valentine I Loathe You [Mike's POV]* Mike Wheeler & Jane 'Eleven' Hopper Headcanons Jealous Mike Wheeler Headcanons Brother's Best Friend*

Lucas Sinclair

My Sweet Valentine

Jane 'Eleven' Hopper

My Sweet Valentine Mike Wheeler & Jane 'Eleven' Hopper Headcanons Jealous Eleven

Maxine 'Max' Mayfield

My Sweet Valentine

Billy Hargrove

My Sweet Valentine

Steve 'The Hair' Harrington

My Sweet Valentine Mean Little Boy I'm in Love with You

Nancy Wheeler

My Sweet Valentine Nancy Wheeler & Robin Buckley Headcanons

Robin Buckley

My Sweet Valentine Nancy Wheeler & Robin Buckley Headcanons

Johnathan Byers

Johnathan Byers Headcanons

IT

Richie Tozier

Richie Tozier Headcanons

Karate Kid

Daniel Larusso

Daniel Larusso Headcanons*

The Umbrella Academy

Five Hargreeves

I Can't Lose You Sick Reader

The Goldfinch

Boris Pavlikovsky

Run Away Boris NSFW Headcanons* Injured Reader Mean! Boris Headcanons You're so Drunk*

Theodore 'Theo' Decker

Run Away Theo Decker Headcanons

Celebrities/Influencers

Matt Sturniolo

Matt Headcanons

Blue Beetle

Jaime 'Blue Beetle' Reyes

Jaime 'Blue Beetle' Reyes Headcanons

The Turning

Miles Fairchild

Miles Fairchild SFW/NSFW Headcanons* No Where 2 Run* Reader is Sick School is a Bore [PT 2 of School Girls] Made into a Woman* [Pt 3 of School Girls & School is a Bore] She's the Only Girl I wanna Love* [Pt 2 of Mary is the Girl that I wanna Fuck] Soft Schoolboy Headcanons Maid of the Rich Kind Nanny! Reader* Stalker 2 Be

Ben 10

Ben Tennyson

Yandere! Ben Tennyson Headcanons

Clone High

I Am Not a Clone Series

Where the Fuck am I? [Part 1]

Fear Street

Christine 'Ziggy' Berman

Christine 'Ziggy' Berman Headcanons

Nick Goode

Nick Goode Headcanons

Rick & Morty

Morty Smith

Morth Smith Headcanons Evil Morty Headcanons

Scooby Doo

Fred Jones

Fred Jones Headcanons Fred Jones Mystery Inc Headcanons

Hex Girls

We're the Hex Girls & We're Going to Put a Spell on You

Corpse Bride

Emily the Corpse Bride

Yandere! Emily Headcanons

Young Sheldon

Georgie Cooper

Georgie Cooper Headcanons

When You Finish Saving the World

Ziggy Katz

Yandere! Ziggy Katz Headcanons Jealous! Headcanons

We Are Who We Are

Fraser Wilson

Fraser Wilson Headcanons

Shazam

Freddy Freeman

Freddy Freeman Headcanons

Game of Thrones

Daenerys Targeryan

Male! Daenerys Targeryan Headcanons

Ghostbusters

Trevor Spengler

Jealous Headcanons

Don’t Tell a Soul

Joey

Joey Headcanons

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Rodrick Heffley

Crazy Party What if Rodrick was Jealous?

Wednesday

Wednesday Addams

I Don't Love You Singing my Love [Pt 2 of I Don't Love You] I Know You Got Issues & I Do Too [Male! Wednesday Addams] Male Wednesday Headcanons +drabble

Spiderman

Gwen Stacy

Gwen Stacy Headcanons

Scream

Stu Macher

Stu Macher Headcanons*

Batman

Dick 'Richard' Grayson

Save Me, Baby

Damian Wayne

Superboy vs Robin Damian Wayne Headcanons Love in High Places [Pt 2 of Superboy vs Robin]

Barbara 'Batgirl' Gordon

Barbara Gordon Headcanons

Tim 'Red Robin' Drake

Tim Drake Headcanons

Superman

Jon Kent

Superboy vs Robin Love in High Places [Pt 2 of Superboy vs Robin]

Clark 'Superman' Kent

Superman Headcanons

Lolirock

Iris

Genderbend Iris Headcanons

Shrek

Arthur Pendragon

Arthur Pendragon Headcanons

Kim Possible

Kim Possible

Schoolboy Crush

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit Headcanons

Mario

Princess Peach

Princess Peach Headcanons

Princess Rosalina

Princess Rosalina Headcanons

OC

Prince Alexander

Yandere Prince Headcanons

Ace

Grumpy x Sunshine Headcanons

Nightmare on Elm Street

Glen Lantz

Touch Me

That's Not My Neighbor

Francis 'Milkman' Mosses

Milkman Headcanons*

Goofy Movie/ An Extremely Goofy Movie

Max Goof

Max Goof Headcanons He was a Skater Boy

The Lion King

Kovu

Kovu Headcanons

Beetlejuice

Astrid Deetz

Astrid Deetz Headcanons

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

'Leo' Leonardo

Leonardo Headcanons

'Donnie' Donatello

I Do Not Like You

[n1ghtwr1ter]

A Knight’s Tale Griddlehark AU where Gideon is a commoner squire whose knight, Aiglamene, has been rendered unable to compete (leg incident) and decides in a moment of desperation to take her place in the lists. After meeting with unexpected success, she and her compatriots (Isaac and Jeannemarie as her fellow squires; Palamedes as their herald) begin to make their way through the tournament circuit, hoping to escape desperate poverty, find glory and riches, and change their fates.

Along the way they meet Harrowhark, Lady of the Ninth, unwillingly attending the jousts at the behest of her parents in hopes of finding someone who will rescue her dying House (by marriage if her parents have their way; by funding Harrow’s experiments if she has hers). She gets into an argument with an idiot of a red-haired knight who follows her into a church, of all places, just so they can keep fighting. Despite sending her packing with her sharp-edged tongue, Harrow can’t seem to forget Sir Griddle (which is all she managed to choke out for a name before she got unceremoniously thrown out of the building).

While being courted at the lists by Princess Ianthe of the Third (whom she finds personally repellant, but her fortune is exactly what is needed to restore the Ninth), Harrow is brought face to face with Sir Griddle yet again. This time, it’s a three-way verbal sparring match, and Harrow is left unable to decide which one she hates most. But as the tournament progresses, she is forced grudgingly to admit that Sir Griddle is “something else with that lance.” (Let alone the sword, which our Gideon wins handily, but chooses (like a true idiot) to focus on the joust, which decides the winner of the tournament.)

She is narrowly defeated by Count Ianthe, whose technique is far better than her own (having had years of training to Gideon’s, what, three months?). Griddle is about to slink off in fury but then Harrow’s ancient seneschal shows up, demanding to know the color of Griddle’s tunic for the dance that evening (Harrow having decided that the one person she despises more than Griddle is Ianthe, and the best way to annoy her will be to show up dressed in matching courtly wear).

Gideon, annoyed that Harrow is putting her on the spot, decides to attend despite not knowing how to dance. As luck would have it, Palamedes has met up with his cousin, who’s been working as a blacksmith; Cam shows them the basics, then goes off with Pal in a huddle to design next-gen armor that will fit Gideon much better than Aiglamene’s cast-offs. Harrow and Gideon share a surprisingly sexy dance, pissing Ianthe off to no end and leaving each other in a furious state of “oh no, she’s hot.”

Due to Gideon’s determination, Cam’s genius at smithing (and as Gideon’s new training partner, who regularly kicks her ass), and Palamedes’s over-the-top heraldic intros, Gideon begins to make a name for herself, winning tournaments all over the country. She even decides to joust against a mystery knight, even after discovering that she’s the Crown Princess of the Third in disguise, winning herself Coronabeth’s respect.

Just as she’s about to face Ianthe in the finals, the Princess of Ida is called back to her homeland to fight in their war. Discontented with her default victory, Gideon has a nasty fight with Harrow, who tells her to fuck off. Gideon decides to return to her own home country in search of a championship there, and also to find the annoyingly hot noblewoman who won’t stop needling her (and haunting her increasingly sweaty dreams).

Etc. etc.

Additional details include:

Gideon can’t stop laughing at her own lance-related dick jokes.

When Ianthe thinks she’s got Gideon disqualified from the championships by exposing her for being a commoner, Harrow’s been cooking up some genealogical research and it turns out that Gideon is…actually the child of King John of Gaius, and heir to the throne! So suck my royal dick, Tridentarius.

Harrow’s research concerns, among many other things, the use of bone meal as crop fertilizer/pest repellent to lift the famine that has decimated the Ninth House. Because the Ninth House has more corpses than any other sort of natural resource, she’s got a lot of material to work with.

Ianthe’s herald is Babs.

Aiglamene is back home nursing her lack of leg, but she is fully aware of the nonsense her squires are getting up to (despite their utterly ham-fisted attempts to keep it from her). She figures that holding her tongue won’t hurt, but Harrow will send a very resentful Crux to fetch her to the capitol so she can watch Gideon win the championship.

In the original Knight’s Tale, Jocelyn (female love interest) has a very lovely and smart handmaiden to advise her and act as a go-between.

Harrow’s handmaiden is Crux.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

What was your favorite book as a young kid?

oh man I had a ton. when I was in younger elementary I really liked Dick King-Smith's chapter books, especially The School Mouse and Pigs Might Fly. I liked how mature they felt because of how frank they were about death and the frequently terrible realities of being a mouse or a pig, while still being quite lighthearted and whimsical stories about animals Doing Things Animals Don't Normally Do where everything more or less ends up okay for our protagonists.

in later elementary I reread Cryptid Hunters, by Roland Smith (no relation to Dick, presumably) over and over and over instead of the Narnia books or Eragon or whatever I was supposed to be reading that was appropriate for my "college reading level." it's pure action pulp for kids and I was DEEP in my cryptid phase, so there was really no prying me away from it.

I also loooooved those Dear America books that were all written like the diaries of girls during various parts of American history. all of those girlies were having the fucking worst time starving to death on the Oregon trail or tending lighthouses or working in the coal mines. I ate that shit up.

OH MY GOD and the Dragonology book, she was everything to me. that was the only one I owned but I also read the Egyptology and Greek Mythology books from the same series RELIGIOUSLY when I checked them out from the library.

[book--brackets]

Summaries under the cut

Les Chevaliers d'Emeraude by Anne Robillard

Apprenant que l'Empereur Noir s'apprête à envahir le continent de nouveau, le Roi d'Emeraude, soucieux de protéger tous les peuples d'Enkidiev, ressuscite un ancien ordre de chevalerie. Choisis pour leurs dons particuliers, dotés de pouvoirs magiques, les nouveaux Chevaliers d'Emeraude sont au nombre de sept : six hommes et une femme.Au moment où les compagnons d'armes se disent enfin prêts à combattre, la Reine Fan de Shola demande audience à Emeraude Ier et lui confie Kira, alors âgée de deux ans et encore inconsciente du rôle qu'elle sera appelée à jouer dans le futur des hommes. Ce jour-là, Wellan, le grand chef des Chevaliers, tombe profondément amoureux de la reine. Malheureusement, le Royaume de Shola subira les attaques féroces des dragons de l'Empereur Noir et tous les Sholiens, y compris la reine, seront massacrés.Le coeur brisé, Wellan devra organiser la défense d'Enkidiev et repousser les forces du Mal...

I Am Not Esther by Fleur Beale

After her mother unexpectedly leaves her with her uncle's family, members of a fanatical Christian cult, Kirby tries to learn what has become of her mother and struggles to cope with the repressiveness of her new surroundings and to maintain her own identity.After her mother leaves her with her uncle's family, members of a Christian cult, Kirby tries to learn what has become of her mother and struggles to cope with the repressiveness of her surroundings and to maintain her own identity.

Regarding the... by Kate Klise

The Dry Creek Middle School drinking fountain has sprung a leak, so principal Walter Russ dashes off a request to Flowing Waters Fountains, Etc.

...We need a new drinking fountain. Please send a catalog.

Designer Flo Waters responds:

"I'd be delighted...but please understand that all of my fountains are custom-made."

Soon the fountain project takes on a life of its own, one chronicled in letters, postcards, memos, transcripts, and official documents. The school board president is up in arms. So is Dee Eel, of the water-supply company. A scandal is brewing, and Mr. Sam N.'s fifth grade class is turning up a host of hilarious secrets buried deep beneath the fountain.

Mustang: Wild Spirit of the West by Marguerite Henry

Horses were in Annie Bronn's blood. For as long as she could remember, she had been fascinated by the spirited wild mustangs that roamed free throughout the West. So when greedy cattlemen started to round up the mustangs for slaughter, Annie knew it was up to her to save the breed.

Ghost Knight by Cornelia Funke

Eleven-year-old Jon Whitcroft never expected to enjoy boarding school. Then again, he never expected to be confronted by a pack of vengeful ghosts, either. And then he meets Ella, a quirky new friend with a taste for adventure...

Together, Jon and Ella must work to uncover the secrets of a centuries-old murder while being haunted by terrifying spirits, their bloodless faces set on revenge. So when Jon summons the ghost of the late knight Longspee for his protection, there's just one Can Longspee truly be trusted?

The Roman Mysteries by Caroline Lawrence

The dogs on Flavia's street have started dying mysteriously, and she is determined to find out why. Her investigation leads her to three extraordinary people: Jonathan, her new neighbor; Nubia, an African slave; and Lupus, a mute beggar boy. The four embark on a search for the killer ... and that's when the excitement begins

The Cloak Society by Jeramey Kraatz

The Cloak

An elite organization of supervillains graced with extraordinary powers. Ten years ago the Cloak Society was defeated by Sterling City's superheroes, the Rangers of Justice, and vanished without a trace. But the villains have been waiting for the perfect moment to resurface. . . . Twelve-year-old Alex Knight is a dedicated junior member of Cloak who has spent years mastering his telekinetic superpowers and preparing for the day when Cloak will rise to power again. Cloak is everything he believes in. But during his debut mission, Alex does the He saves the life of a Junior Ranger of Justice. Even worse . . . she becomes his friend. And the more time he spends with her, the more Alex wonders what, exactly, he's been fighting for.

Barnen pa Brakmakargatan by Astrid Lindgren

Look out -- here comes trouble! Jonas, Maria, and Lotta Nyman don't mean to make trouble, but because their idea of fun is to stick salami on the windows, keep the water running from the kitchen faucet until the sink overflows, and lower meatballs down through the chimney, trouble just seems to follow them....

With the Nyman kids around, anything can happen!

The Water Horse by Dick King-Smith

The story begins with a mysterious egg washed up on a Scottish beach, the morning after a great storm. Kirstie and her brother Angus find the egg and take it home. The next day it has hatched into a tiny greeny-grey creature with a horse's head, warty skin, four flippers and a crocodile's tail. The baby sea monster soon becomes the family pet – but the trouble is, it just doesn't stop growing!

Silver Brumby by Elyne Mitchell

A silver brumby is special, but he will be hunted by man and horse alike, and must be stronger than both. Thowra, the magnificent silver stallion, is king of the brumbies. But he must defend his herd from the mighty horse, The Brolga, in the most savage of struggles. But that is not the only danger. Thowra needs all his speed and cunning to save his herd from capture by man. In a desperate chase through the mountains, it seems there is no longer anywhere for him to run to...

[yarrowleef]

I’m trying to start a collection of every xenofiction book from a cats POV that I can find!! this is my criteria list:

older middle-grade and up fiction stories (maybe some exceptions for children's books if I really like them)

Mostly or only cat POV, not stories about people with cat sidekicks

about actual cats, not a human that shapeshifts into a cat, nor cat-like two-legged humanoids

Focusing on domestic cats and maybe small wild cats, not big cats 

It doesn’t have to be a traditionally published book, but it does have to be something completed that I can buy a copy of

Graphic novels count!

These are the ones I know so far, please let me know if you have any more that I can add! (not listing every book’s sequels, series are presumed to be lumped together)

(also note: I have not read most of these books yet, so I can’t say what kind of graphic/sensitive content they may or may not have. I'm just trying to make as complete a list as I can for personal reference)

Warrior Cats (obviously, this one is a free space)

Varjak Paw -- S.F Said

Tailchaser’s Song -- Tad Williams

The Wild Road -- Gabriel King

Catwings -- Ursula K. Le Guin

Stray -- A.N Wilson

The Book of Night with Moon -- Diane Duane

The Wildings -- Nilanjana Roy

The Tygrine Cat -- Inbali Iserles

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents -- Terry Pratchett

 The Familiars -- Adam Jay Epstein

In the Long Dark -- Brian Carter

Felidae -- Akif Pirinçci. Unfortunately! but I don’t want to talk about him and no one should buy his work. just adding so people know i’m aware of this book already

The Cats of Roxville Station -- Jean Craighead George

The Traveling Cat Chronicles -- Hiro Arikawa

Blitzcat -- Robert Westall

Cat House -- Michael Peak

Cats in the City of Plague -- A.L Marlow

Guardian Cats and the Lost Books of Alexandria -- Rahma Krambo

Cat on the Edge -- Shirley Rousseau Murphy

I Am a Cat -- Natsume Sōseki

The Alchemist’s Cat -- Robin Jarvis

The Stink Files -- Jennifer L. Holm & Jonathan Hamel

I, Scheherazade: Memoirs of a Siamese Cat -- Douglass Parkhirst

The Mouse Butcher -- Dick King-Smith

Heroes Rising: Book One of Catmage: Genesis -- Meryl Yourish