#diagnosis : jay merrick

[felixtherealix]

[adhdo5]

Why do I know things about Chappell Roan's fucking diagnosis information can people be fucking normal for three seconds are you living in fucking Marble Hornets do you think you are Jay Merrick can you go to hell

[codyisinyourwalls]

☆— This is a boundaries post.

DNI if you are: endo/non-traumagenic, anti DSMP/MCYT, shit talks about the DSMP (at any point in your life), anti self-diagnosis, doesn't believe in mental disabilities (like autism) and that they just have to try harder or don’t need accommodations, over 18 or under 10 years old, doesn't believe in psychosis, an IRL without psychosis, anti recovery IRL, don't support xenopronouns/neo pronouns/xenogenders/neurogenders, ships the operator/slenderman with ANYBODY, anti fictives, don’t believe that fictives are different from source, can’t handle horror/gore(not that you’re weak for it. I know that triggers exist.)

Thin ice if you: used to shit talk about neopronouns/xenopronouns/xenogenders/neurogenders, Christian/Catholic, recovering poppytwt member, don’t know anything about slenderverse or Creepypasta.

Interact if you: know Marble hornets/any slenderverse, creepypasta fans, dsmp fans/fictives, any fictives.

(This is for sourcemates)

PLZ INTERACT: Jay Merrick fictives, Other Alex Kralie fictives, Hoodie/Brian fictives, Tim Wright fictives are okay to interact as well!:)

That’s it? Idk.

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Cigarette Smoke and- Oh Shit I Can’t Breathe

Notes: I’ve had this idea for a while now and no one really seemed to talk about it, so I’ve been trying to make more of my own content for it! (It being asthmatic Jay)

- - - 

Relationships: Jay Merrick & Timothy “Tim” Wright, Jay Merrick/Timothy “Tim” Wright

Characters: Jay Merrick, Timothy “Tim” Wright

Trigger Warnings: Smoking, untreated illness, asthma/wheezing, passing out/fainting, lack of oxygen/asphyxiation, brief mention of an ER/Hospital visit

Summary: On the way to their next hotel, Jay pulls their car to the side of the road for a break. When Tim pulls out a cigarette and starts to smoke, though, things go downhill fast.

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, some hints of Jam but not much

Word count: 2014

- - -

"This is nice... like, really nice"

Jay hummed an agreement as he looked over to Tim, who was leaning against the back of his car. "Yeah, it's peaceful. It's a nice change of pace," he sighed. They had been in the middle of moving to their next hotel and had decided to pull off to the side of the road for a break. Jay was sitting in an empty space he made in his trunk, which had taken a couple minutes of playing Tetris with both their bags and other miscellaneous items that had been thrown back there. When there was enough room, he sat in the trunk with his legs dangling over the edge. Tim had originally been sitting in the passenger's seat with the door propped open, but had moved to where he was now.

The click of a lighter caught Jay's attention. Realizing he had been staring, he looked away. He had a pretty good idea of why the lighter was out, anyways. Tim didn't seem to notice that he had been staring, but his face flushed regardless. Jay pulled a face at the smell of the smoke that blew towards him, but attempted to focus on something else so he didn't seem rude. It wasn't that he minded Tim smoking, he just couldn't handle the smell. Well, okay, that wasn't the full truth. The smoke messed with his lungs and made it hard to breathe.

He didn't think much of it, considering it went away after a couple hours of being away from the source, but that didn't mean he liked it. It was something he had grown up with, so really he should've been used to this. But every time his lungs closed up and his breath started to whistle as it came out, he just couldn't fight off the small part of himself that insisted that this wasn't normal. Another part of him argued that if something was wrong, surely his parents would've taken him to the doctor or someone else to get it checked out. It was a constant back and forth in his mind, but in the end he never did anything.

A sudden gust of wind pushed a cloud of smoke toward him. His eyes watered as he started roughly coughing. His lungs burned as he coughed, the little air he got being pushed right back out. He couldn't get any air in his lungs, and for a brief moment he worried he was going to pass out. Eventually the coughing fit passed, as did the cloud of smoke. Tim was looking at him with thinly veiled concern. It was then that he noticed that Tim had moved so his body and cigarette were blocked by the side of the car. A couple more coughs escaped from Jay, his chest slowly but surely gaining the pressure that accompanied the wheezing. Could it be called wheezing? He didn't really know if that's what it was, but he was never bothered enough to check and see.

"Jay? Are you okay?" Tim asked. Jay nodded as a reply, not trusting his voice for the moment. Another gust of wind blew past, this time faintly rocking the car. Luckily, this time no smoke was blown his way. Tim leaned over the edge of the car, raising an accusatory eyebrow his way.

"What?" Jay choked out.

"Oh, nothing, just the fact that you had an extreme coughing fit and sound like you're dying," Tim replied, shrugging his shoulders to add to the 'nonchalant' statement.

"I'm fine." Jay looked away from him, silently hoping that Tim didn't notice the tears that were in his eyes or how rough his breathing was coming out. Judging from the staring he was getting, Tim probably noticed. "Seriously," he sighed, "this isn't the first time it's happened. Plus, it was kinda your fault."

Tim rolled his eyes, "Okay, well, never mind then. Sorry I can't be concerned about my friends."

Jay paused, "Wait, we're friends?"

Tim laughed, before letting out a few coughs. Jay just stared at him, completely and utterly confused. After a pause, Tim turned towards him. "Wait a minute. Did you- did you actually think we weren't friends? Like, at all?" Jay shrugged helplessly, his previous flush returning full force. “Jay, look at me. Did you actually think we weren’t friends?”

"I mean, no? Not really? You did punch me in the face-"

"-Which you kinda deserved."

"Yeah, Which I kinda deserved, but I was going to tell you that night! Well, anyways, you punched me in a parking lot and then I did drag you back into this whole mess. I thought you were, I don't know, just coming along because you had to." Jay hung his head and tugged down his hat, attempting to hide his growing blush.

"Okay, well," Tim put his hand underneath the brim of Jay's hat and tugged it back up, "Yeah, we're friends. And that means you're stuck with me." Jay grinned as they looked at each other. The way they were positioned looked like it would’ve come out of some cheesy romance movie, but he didn’t care. Someone was finally on his side. “Also, Jay-”

Jay cut him off by accidentally choking on the cigarette smoke that was starting to surround them. Tim let out a curse and quickly stomped out his cigarette. Tears started to flood Jay’s eyes again as the burning increased throughout both his lungs and his throat. His breaths were coming in short and fast, the high pitched wheezing tearing through any other noise. Jay’s head began to feel fuzzy as his vision darkened around the edges. Everything was becoming muted, Tim’s desperate calls to him being drowned out by the ringing in his ears.

A small spike of fear peaked through the spreading numbness. ‘This definitely isn't normal’ was his last thought as the darkness and ringing overtook him.

- - -

The first thing Jay noticed was how hot his body was. It felt as if someone had poured hot water over him and left him to bear the heat alone. Next, he noticed the dull ringing in his ears slowly fading. His head felt unbearably heavy, and he could feel the tell-tale signs of a headache coming on. He groaned, lifting his hand to clutch his head.

“Jay? Jay, are you awake?” Tim called. Jay noted how his voice sounded far away, but also like it was right next to him. Instead of responding, Jay opened his eyes to glance around. Turns out he was laying across the back seat while Tim was driving.

“What happened?” Jay groaned again, opting to keep his eyes shut to help the pounding in his head.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, that’s what.” Tim snapped. Humming in response, Jay dropped his arm back to his side. Tim continued on, “Don’t try just brushing this off, Merrick. You seriously scared me.”

“Sorry”

“Don’t-, ugh. You know what? Never mind. We’re almost there anyways.” That got Jay’s attention. Was Tim taking them back to their previous hotel? Did he continue on to try getting them to their next hotel? Where was ‘there’? Just as he was about to voice his questions the car lurched to the side as Tim spit out a curse at another driver. After a couple more quick turns and maneuvering the car around, Jay could tell they had finally parked in where Tim had wanted to take them.

Jay slowly pushed himself up and, while practically leaning all his weight on Tim, was able to slide out of the backseat and into a somewhat-standing position. Raising his head, Jay finally got a good look at where they were.

“The ER? Really?” he huffed, testing the weight on each of his legs. Tim opened his mouth to respond before shaking his head. This earned another irritated huff Jay before he was practically dragged into the building.

“Hello, how may I help you?” The receptionist smiled up at the two of them. Distantly, Jay wondered about how much of a trainwreck they both looked. He probably looked worse, considering he was the one who passed out, but he thought Tim also looked pretty frazzled.

Tim quickly explained their situation, leaving out the part where they were on the run from an eldritch abomination, and the nurses soon took Jay back into the emergency rooms. As he was leaving, he heard Tim let out a curse as a stack of paperwork was laid before him.

- - -

Jay walked back into the waiting room with the nurse who had led him back to the rooms. As they were walking, the nurse continued to explain what he needed to do. “... The inhaler that we gave you is a sample, so it only will last you about a month if you use it three times daily. Remember, try to only use it as needed.” Jay nodded his head. He wasn’t really sure how to respond to being led back into a room, having to do a bunch of breathing tests, inhale a drug he never heard of before, doing more tests, and finding out he had asthma.

He didn’t blame his parents for not realizing it sooner, but now that he was actually able to breathe properly for the first time in years it was extremely clear how much he was being affected by it. ‘Maybe that’s why I always get outran by Tim’s masked state, even though they both surely feel the effects of his smoking,’ he thought. It made sense.

He was never really able to go and get into shape because he never was able to properly breathe, but he always thought he just got winded easily. All the times he had suddenly started wheezing and being unable to breathe finally made sense, even if it was startling and intimidating news. After all, the most he knew about asthma before this was that the diagnosis was given to the stereotypical ‘nerdy’ or ‘sick’ kid in TV shows. Never before had he thought that it would be used to describe his situation.

Eventually, the nurse stopped talking and reminding him of the important notes for his new inhaler, along with them demanding that he get a prescription inhaler eventually. Jay nodded and said his thanks before heading over to where Tim sat. Jay nudged him and motioned for them to go outside. Once they were outside and back at the car, Tim turned to him expectantly. “So? How’d it go? You’re not about to pass out again anytime soon, right?”

“No,” Jay sighed, “I just found out that I apparently have asthma, though. Parents never realized, I never realized, and so I thought that the shortness of breath and the wheezing was normal.” He paused for a moment before shaking his head, “Well, okay, I just thought that I got winded easier when doing exercise. I never really had an excuse for the times I would randomly be unable to breathe.” Tim was staring at him with wide eyes, his jaw hanging open. A moment of silence passed before, “Uh, Tim?”

“You have asthma?!” Tim yelled. Jay quickly shushed him and got in the car. “Jay fucking Merrick, you better tell me what the hell you mean when you say you have asthma because if I find out that you were running around in the woods chasing masked men while not being able to breathe …” Tim trailed off with a sigh.

At this point both of them had gotten into the car but neither of them moved. Jay opted to say nothing, knowing if he tried to defend himself it would probably get Tim even more worked up and worried. Tim started the car as Jay used this time to buckle up while attempting to avoid looking over at him. The trip back to their hotel was filled with silence.

- - -

Once they got back to their hotel room, Tim finally spoke up. “Hey, Jay? Should we tell the people following us on Twitter or YouTube about this? So they… y’know, don’t worry?”

“No. Absolutely not.”