#developmental milestones is a sign that he might be autistic

[lilnasxvevo]

Since teaching really does seem to be Lan Qiren’s passion I like to think about a modern Lan Qiren who is really good about pursuing possible diagnoses and treatment of learning/developmental disabilities of children entrusted to his care.

[thestupidhelmet]

This is sort of a weird question, so i'll start out saying i'm on the autistic spectrum, and I wanted to write a fanfiction where Eric and Donna's daughter is as well. So my question is, how do you think Eric and Donna would react to having an autistic child? Do you think they'd feel over protective? Maybe even guilty? Not that they should, but as parents they just can't help it. I really would love to write this because there's isn't a lot of female representation when it comes to autism.

You, for sure, should write this if it's in your heart to write! ❤️❤️❤️

Other people might have different but equally valid interpretations of how Eric and Donna would react, but this is mine, based on my understanding of the characters.

I think Eric might worry before Donna does when their child's autism first presents itself. Donna might misinterpret the signs as their child being in the later range of normal for certain milestones. Eric would speak to Kitty about it anyway, and Kitty would suggest having her granddaughter checked by a specialist and suggest a number of reasons for (what's being perceived as) a developmental delay.

Eric would tell Donna what Kitty told him. Donna might be angry at first that Eric "went behind her back," and say, "I thought we both agreed to give our daughter some more time."

Eric: No, you agreed. I just kept quiet. We have to get her checked to at least rule out certain diagnoses. That's not going to hurt her.

Donna will struggle with her denial because she doesn't want her daughter to have any struggles in life. Her denial comes from love, but she's ultimately convinced to make the appointment with the doctor Kitty recommends.

Once their daughter is properly diagnosed, Eric is scared. Donna wants to know e v e r y t h i n g. She reads books, reaches out to other parents with autistic children, talks to specialists, and is very proactive.

Eric, now, is emotionally where Donna was before the diagnosis. He's scared for his daughter's quality of life and future. And, yes, he probably would blame himself -- in part because of how Red's life-long criticism made him feel inadequate as a man and as a person.

Donna, having done the research, reassures him and encourages him to talk to the new acquaintances she's made, parents of autistic children, so that he can learn that their daughter can live a fulfilling life with the right support and care.

Donna would go from a place of denial to strength. But she'd have trouble letting herself be vulnerable because she feels she has to be constantly strong for her daughter. Eric would help her with that, be Donna's safe place to have her fears.

Together, with Kitty (and other resources they've gotten), Eric and Donna would find their way raising an autistic child, celebrate the victories and support each other through any setbacks, and always make sure their child knows how loved she is.

And when a friend, stranger, or teacher who doesn't understand autism gives them (and/or their daughter) any crap, Eric and Donna would be amazing advocates for their child.

Red, too, would learn about autism from Kitty. He'd love his granddaughter immensely and be very protective of her. So he and Kitty would support Eric and Donna in giving their kid / grandkid the best and safest childhood possible.

I hope that helps!

[newstfionline]

The town that gave the world Spam is proud to be ‘autism-friendly’

By Amy Ellis Nutt, Washington Post, September 23, 2018

AUSTIN, Minn.--The tall teenager with the buzz cut opened the museum door, extended a large hand and said cheerily, “Welcome to the Spam Museum.”

Samuel Ehret is an official “Spambassador” at the museum, a hot spot for tourists who have a taste for the much-mocked canned meat that has been made here by Hormel Foods for 81 years.

Samuel is also autistic, and he got this job because he loves all things Spam--its taste, its history, and especially the museum’s showpiece: a motorcycle that runs on bacon grease.

He also landed the job because Austin is an autism-friendly town. Ten years ago, it became one of the first in the country to launch a community-wide effort both to reduce the disorder’s stigma and make local businesses aware of the special needs of autistic customers. It is also probably the only small town in America to employ a community autism resource specialist.

The mission was “a grass-roots effort to improve our community,” said Mary Barinka, an employee of the nonprofit Hormel Historic Home, where she serves as an autism resource liaison for Austin. She is also a former Hormel marketing executive, and the mother of a 16-year-old daughter with autism.

For someone like 18-year-old Samuel, the town’s attention to the condition has been invaluable.

“When he was an infant, he would just lie there, no crying,” said Sarah Ehret, Samuel’s mother. Her son failed to reach expected milestones on time and she was at a loss as to why. When someone anonymously placed a magazine in her mailbox, it suddenly made sense. One of the articles was “Top 10 signs your child has autism.”

“This is my son,” she said to herself.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by delayed language, repetitive behaviors, sensory sensitivities and difficulty with social skills. Although the symptoms of autism can overlap with other developmental disorders, such as learning disabilities and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, it has distinctive characteristics, including narrow, intense interests and routines and occasional emotional meltdowns when those routines are disrupted.

More than 3.5 million Americans have been diagnosed with this disorder, according to the Autism Society. In April, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revised the estimate of those with the disorder to 1 in 59 children, four years after it was set at 1 in 68. Most experts attribute the increase to more-precise diagnostics and enhanced awareness of the disorder, particularly in black and Hispanic children.

Austin, with a population of 26,000, is the kind of place that still has a video store, where the one coffee shop in town is called “The Coffee Shop,” and a yellow traffic sign near a nursing home carries the warning “Dear Crossing.”

Fifteen businesses in this Midwestern hamlet carry the official designation “autism-friendly.” Among them: the Paramount Theater, Mid-Town Auto, two dentists, two ophthalmologists, two hair salons and three summer day camps.

To qualify as autism-friendly, a business must make an effort to minimize sensory overstimulation--lowering lights, turning down or eliminating loud music, and shielding the individual from others’ cross talk.

Business owners must fill out an application and then, along with their employees, go through educational sessions. They learn about the difficulties people with autism experience, including their triggers--a sound or a smell or an unfamiliar situation that may cause a meltdown. They also learn how to interact by speaking slowly, in a clear voice and in short phrases. Most important, they are shown the value of learning to be patient and flexible.

Jackson Schara has been to dentist Catherine Guy a number of times, and his first visit was so surprisingly comfortable that he made a YouTube video explaining why other people with the condition shouldn’t be afraid to go to an autism-friendly dentist.

Standing next to Jackson on a recent visit to her office, Guy described what she did for him that first time:

“It’s a sensory thing, so I told him about the armrests, the bib around the neck, that the chair will move. Then I offered him a bear or a weighted blanket on his chest for comfort.

“I also show them the special toothpaste, let them smell it, and do two or three teeth at a time. I let them experience the suction device, and even do a practice run.”

Sunglasses protect the patients from the harsh lights used to peer inside a mouth. A mirror is also available if they want to watch the dentist at work.

The value of these autism-friendly efforts is incalculable, families say, because it not only makes the lives of those living with autism easier, it also allows them to have experiences that those without autism have routinely. Best of all, they are lessons in communication, one of the chief skills that many children with autism must work especially hard to develop.

Jackson’s mother, Heidi Schara, remembers well a breakthrough moment she witnessed when her son came home from school one day.

“He said, ‘I think I talked too much about something or other.’ Then he said, ‘How was your day?’?”

That Heidi’s son was able to turn his attention from himself to his mother made it her “best day ever.”

She credits these eureka moments, in part, to Austin’s unusually open environment.

“Having this autism-friendly movement--it’s incredible to have people who want to understand,” she said.

For Jackson, who has a love of Japanese monster movies and is eager to talk about all things Godzilla, the experience at Guy’s office as well as at a hair salon in town have been revelatory.

“I am surprised at what I’ve done. Legitimately surprised,” he said.

Jackson was so comfortable getting his hair cut at the Style Lounge that he made a video of it.

Austin’s autism-friendly program began a decade ago, when a retired Hormel executive, Gary Ray, telephoned Barinka, a family friend, and asked whether her autistic daughter, then 6, was able to participate in any town activities, such as summer camp.

“No, not really,” Barinka remembers answering. “We’d like to take her to camp, but you have to explain her frequent needs and hire someone as a helper.”

Austin is small enough that Ray and his wife, Pat, were familiar with Barinka’s struggle to find appropriate recreation for her daughter.

“What if [Pat and I] gave you a small contribution of $5,000?” Ray said. “Could you start a camp?”

It didn’t take long for Barinka to say yes. She is a woman with a keen ability to advocate and organize and a seemingly bottomless reservoir of energy. Her job as autism resource specialist is part time, just 10 hours a week, but Barinka regularly puts in 40, often fielding questions and requests from other parents: “A new business wants to become autism-friendly, can you give a presentation to employees?” “How do I find the best speech therapists in town?” “The local community college wants to start a special autism program. Can you help out?”

To date, the Rays have contributed more than $100,000 to fund autism-friendly programs in Austin. One of the more successful is the monthly respite night, when children with autism are dropped off at the Hormel Historic Home--a site for weddings and tours as well as community events--and parents or caregivers are given a few hours of free time.

The children might do an art project, or go out to a restaurant, bowling lanes or the YMCA to swim. The lifeguards are taught to get their attention by calling their name instead of blowing a whistle. The Y sponsors swim teams for children with autism, and they occasionally compete against other teams with disabilities, including at the Special Olympics.

Autism-friendliness has also reached into the schools, where a peer program pairs high schoolers with autism with similarly aged student volunteers. The program is so popular that there is a waiting list of student volunteers.

Word of Austin’s unusual autism-friendly services has resulted in at least a half-dozen families moving to the town.

Carolyn Dube grew up in Austin, but she spent much of her life elsewhere, primarily in Phoenix, where the resources for her son, Alex, diagnosed with autism at 2½, were lacking.

“There were a lot of behavioral issues with him,” Dube said about life with her son in Arizona. “He threw things, was increasingly violent and too hard to predict.”

A new job brought her to a suburb of Minneapolis, about 90 minutes from Austin, and Dube began to pick up stories about her hometown’s transformation.

“We’d hear amazing things,” she said. “And that’s when we started realizing how special some of Austin’s autism programs were.”

Dube’s family moved back to Austin when Alex was 4. He’s in high school now and takes mostly mainstream classes. He is especially talented in math and science, and because autism is a spectrum disorder of varying degrees of disability, Dube fully expects him to go to college and study engineering.

“Now Alex is almost a new person,” she said.

Other parents say they’re seeing progress they never thought possible before Austin became autism-friendly. Barinka’s 16-year-old daughter used to bite the chain-link fence at her older sister’s softball games and throw tantrums. Today, she is on her high school dance team and plays the trumpet in the band.

Barinka has received calls from Salt Lake City and Flagstaff, Ariz. inquiring about how to set up their own autism-friendly programs, furthering a trend of entrepreneurship and innovation by individuals in the autism community. In 2015, for example, Pennsylvanian Topher Wurts, a marketing and technology executive who has a son with autism, founded a virtual Autism Village. It’s an app that works a bit like Yelp, locating nearby autism-friendly places and businesses and letting users rate and review their experiences.

How Barinka helped create her own bricks-and-mortar version of an Autism Village included not only the Rays, but also the Hormel Foundation, the Hormel Historic Home and numerous members of the community, both paid and volunteer, who make the programs run.

Because of such contributions, Austin is able to offer services at vastly lower costs than those in places where camps can run as high as $800 or $900 a week, according to Barinka. Austin’s autism day camps cost just $150, and many of the more than 50 campers receive scholarships, bringing the price down to $25.

[autistickitten]

I first self diagnosed about 3 years before I got my official diagnosis. I was in my final year of high school when I brought it up to my dad. He didn't believe me at first saying that "autistic people are always neat and tidy and your room is a tip". But thankfully he didn't block my attempt to get a diagnostic referral and I was actually diagnosed. Since then there's still been moments but it's getting better and I'm finally feeling pretty content. Thought my story might help some people

Anonymous said to autistickitten

To the Anon who is worried about their developmental milestones meaning that they're not actually autistic, I hit all of my milestones considerably early, so my parents thought I couldn't be autistic. When I went for my test however, the lady testing me said that she took this as a massive sign that I likely was. I'm pretty sure that it had a big part in the diagnosis, because I'm definitely autistic, but also not textbook, because the textbooks don't cover the real stuff as much as stereotypes.            

You both raise another good point - a lot of people only know the stereotypes! So if you don’t match ‘em perfectly there’s usually gonna be hesitation in someone believing you until they learn better. It’s annoying, but most people come around eventually.

-Brother Cat

[scriptautistic]

Masterpost: Writing Autistic Children

First of all, autism is what is usually called a “developmental disorder”. Now, not everyone sees autism as a disorder at all, many see it as a perfectly healthy brain type, and argue that the difficulties and disabilities that autistic people sometimes have to live with are due to having to live in an allistic-designed modern world rather than some intrinsic problem in ourselves. But the “developmental” part is usually accepted. It means that a person is born autistic, they are already autistic as a baby and even as a fetus, and their brain is different to that of a allistic person’s (even though science is not yet quite sure of precisely what this difference is).

Now, why “developmental”? It means that because of this original difference in their brain, the autistic child will develop differently than a allistic child would, and will end up being different as an adult. There is kind of a snowball effect: the brain difference will lead to a slight difference in cognition (the way information is treated by the brain), and this difference in cognition will lead to a developmental step that will be acquired differently (maybe earlier or later or through a different technique), and in turn this developmental step will influence the way the “next step” is acquired, and so on, and what was just a slight difference in the beginning gradually becomes the collection of traits that we call autism.

This is why as an infant, most people don’t discern any difference in behavior between a child who will grow up to be autistic and a child who will grow up to be allistic. However, some studies have proven that there are actually differences in the way information is treated even at that very young age: for instance, babies who will grow up to be autistic already tend to avoid eye contact, and instead of focusing on the eyes like allistic babies do when looking at a face, they tend to focus on the mouth. Here is a review of some of the research that’s been done on the subject.

But unless your character’s parents enjoy tracking his eye movements for some reason, they probably won’t notice before he is about 18 months old, at a minimum. Children are generally not diagnosed with autism before the age of two, because before that there is no way to know if a possible difference in behavior will be temporary or permanent, and also because the way a child learns to talk is often an important element when diagnosing autism in young children, and most children don’t start talking before the age of two.

There can, however, be signs or suspicions before this age. Here are some of the ways an autistic child might be different from an allistic one before the age of two (and please keep in mind that there is, as always with autism, huge interpersonal differences, and that an autistic child may present only a few or even none of these signs):

Does not smile in social situations

Avoids eye contact

Very jumpy or doesn’t react to sounds (doesn’t seem to hear when they’re called; parents may wonder if the child has a hearing problem)

Doesn’t seem to seek contact with other people, may seem to be ignoring others, may be described as “in their own world”, prefers to play alone

Doesn’t like being touched or hugged

Doesn’t react to being called by their name or to people talking to them

Doesn’t babble

Gets very upset when their environment changes

Doesn’t point with a finger to show objects to other people (or may use pointing, but only when they want the adult to get them the object)

Does not play pretend, might line up toys or spin the wheels of toy cars instead of playing with them in a typical way (prefers to play in stimmy ways)

Stims

Does not communicate through gestures

Does not follow people’s gazes (no joint attention)

Does not like to imitate others

Does not initiate social contact or playtime with others

Seems very calm or even passive

Has frequent, violent meltdowns for no apparent reason (of course, there are reasons, they’re just not apparent because people are either not good observers or don’t understand what is happening)

The child may also develop in an unusual way. They may hit some milestones (learning to crawl, walk, babble, talk, be clean, read…) early or late or in an unexpected order (never babbles and starts talking late but directly with fully constructed sentences, for instance). They may even regress (e.g. start talking normally around two years old, talk for a few months and then become completely nonverbal). They may have particular trouble with acquiring motor skills, language, or toilet training. This will become evident a bit later than the earlier signs, between two and six probably.

Here are some other traits which can occur after the age of two:

Prefers to stay away from other kids their age, may prefer the company of younger or older children or that of adults

Doesn’t talk or doesn’t make sentences

Uses echolalia to communicate

Has an unusual voice or way of talking

Walks on tiptoes constantly

Has a comfort item and gets very upset when separated from it

Gets very upset when their routine is disrupted

As the child grows up and acquires new skills and abilities, their traits will start to be more and more similar to that of an adult.

The main difference between an autistic child and an autistic adult which you have to keep in mind when writing a child character is exactly the same as the main difference between an allistic child and an allistic adult: the adult has lived for much longer and has a lot more experience. This means time to develop coping skills and strategies, to get better at social skills and to understand how your brain works, what sets their sensory system off and so on. An autistic child doesn’t look like an allistic child and an autistic adult doesn’t look like an allistic adult, but an autistic child also doesn’t look like an autistic adult! (Which is also one of the reasons why when parents of autistic children say shitty things and you try to correct them and they reply “you can’t speak for my child because you are so much more high functioning than them, it’s not the same situation!” we get very frustrated, because… of course I’m not like your child? I’m not a child?? But you have no way to know how I was as a child, maybe I was similar to yours…).

Now that you’ve used this general information to build your character, you still need to figure out what their life will look like and how being autistic will affect it; in short, how is growing up autistic different from growing up allistic.

Once again I want to emphasize the diversity of autistic experiences. A child who is completely nonverbal will have a different childhood from that of a verbal autistic kid. A child who is severely dyspraxic with comorbid disabilities will not live the same way as a child who doesn’t need support in their daily tasks. An intellectually disabled child will have a different experience to that of an autistic kid who’s regarded as “gifted”. And in addition to the differences caused by autistic traits, you of course also have to factor in a whole number of things such as gender, ethnicity, country of origin, social class of parents…

So really, there isn’t one formula, but I’ll try to explore briefly a few common experiences and the way all of these factors can shape them.

First of all, let’s talk about diagnosis. Here are some elements to keep in mind:

The more “obviously” autistic one is, the more likely they are to be diagnosed early. This is especially true if they are completely nonverbal. Children can start being diagnosed at the age of two.

On the other hand, if the character can pass as allistic most of the time, they may get diagnosed very late or even never get diagnosed.

The social and physical environment we live in gets more and more complex as we age. A toddler (unless they go to daycare) probably won’t get to see a lot of people their age. In kindergarten, relatively little in the way of social skills is required. More and more skills are needed in elementary school, middle school and high school; social rules become more and more complex and implicit. This is especially true from adolescence. More will also be asked of the child as they grow up in terms of sitting still, for instance. So one kid who could deal with the simple environment of elementary school well enough might be at a complete loss in middle/high school, have trouble making friends or obeying rules… And potentially get diagnosed during their adolescence because of this.

Others may reach adulthood or even spend their whole lives without knowing they’re autistic.

The older a person is, the harder getting a diagnosis is because many people will insist, “if you were really autistic, people would have noticed before”.

Children that were assigned female at birth as well as children who are not white tend to go hugely under-diagnosed.

Diagnosis can be a long, complex and costly process depending on the country. A poorer family might have a lot of trouble getting a child diagnosed, and they might decide not to do it at all unless the child absolutely can’t live without accommodations and needs a diagnosis to get them.

So your autistic child character may or may not be diagnosed. If they are, here are some things which can happen:

Depending on their needs, they can go to a special education program or to a normal school, with or without accommodations. It has not always been the case, but nowadays the most popular method is to put a child in an environment that’s as typical as possible. So if your character can sort of deal with being in a normal school environment with accommodations, that’ll probably what they’ll go for. As for the specifics of special education programs, it depends a lot on the country, region, even the school. Some places have boarding programs and are basically institutions, while some are just day schools for disabled children. The program may group the children by disability, specific needs, or just by age range. If they are in a typical school environment, some of the accommodations that can be offered to them are additional time to complete tests and assignments, different tests from the other students, instructions being given more slowly, differently or read aloud, as well as modifications to the classroom (e.g. different lightning, a quiet corner), education with the other children, or special allowances such as getting out of the room if they feel overwhelmed. They may also have an aide to help them in the classroom or spend some time each week with a special education teacher. There is often an individual plan for each child’s accommodations and objectives (called IEP in the US).

They may have therapy from a very young age. Many different types of therapies exist, ranging from speech therapy or occupational therapy to things that have been designed specifically with autism in mind such as ABA therapy, which unfortunately is the most popular kind of therapy which exists today, and has a LOT of negative effects on the kids who are subjected to it (and is widely regarded as pure abuse within the autistic community). Whatever the kind of therapy, all too often an “intensive” approach is used, which may result in toddlers having more than 30 hours of therapy a week. There’s a lot to say about therapies, some of them are helpful and some of them are harmful, but we’ll save that for another post. Also keep in mind that they can easily get very expensive if not covered by insurance or healthcare systems.

Medication is rarely used in the case of autism; it is, after all, not an illness. It can be used to manage comorbid conditions such as epilepsy, which is relatively common in autistic people.

Whether or not they are diagnosed, here are a few ways their autistic traits could affect their family life:

Some modifications might need to be made to the home so it is sensory-friendly for the child, such as changing the lightning, avoiding bright colors for the walls, using or avoiding carpets, removing clocks which make ticking noises… This is especially important in the child’s room.

If it’s the first autistic child they’re raising, most parents are likely to be at a loss at first when it comes to dealing with things like meltdowns or sensory issues. They will learn strategies to avoid them or deal with them over time, and the first step is figuring out that the child is not having random tantrums and that there’s a reason behind their behavior.

Sensitivities to taste and texture can make the number of foods the child is willing to eat extremely limited. Parents or caregivers may need to get creative to make them have a varied and complete enough diet.

Allistic siblings may get jealous and feel like their autistic sibling gets more attention and care than they do.

The whole family will likely end up with a pretty set routine if they didn’t already have one before their autistic child joined the family.

Visual planners and printed sets of steps (either written or using pictograms) may be useful to help the child be more independent in their daily tasks, and can be pinned to the walls in places where they’re useful.

These are just a few ideas. You can get creative or take a look at some blogs of parents of autistic children (preferably those who are themselves autistic) for inspiration.

From the perspective of the autistic child themselves, here are some things that they could experience:

If they haven’t been diagnosed or haven’t been told about their diagnosis, they may feel different but not know why. They may blame themselves for what they can’t do as well as other people. They may feel as if they were from another planet in some way. All of this can lead to serious self-esteem issues.

They may have trouble making friends. This may or may not bother them. If it does, they may feel isolated, excluded, or inferior.

They may try and teach themselves social skills by consuming a LOT of books/TV shows and trying to work out patterns.

Their preferred forms of play may involve stimmy things (such as playing on swings) or pretend play related to their special interests. Contrary to what many people think, many autistic people are very imaginative.

Especially if they go to a mainstream school, they are very likely to be bullied. Children often reject and are cruel to those who are different from them. They may not get physically beat up, but some mean teasing, getting called names or people coming and pretending to make friends while the others laugh is to be expected, sadly. This is not a universal experience but it is very, very common.

Now that we’ve taken a good look at the way an autistic child character would behave and what raising them or growing up as one could entail, I want to add a few words about representation.

As always regarding this issue, there are two schools of thought: the first one takes into account only the writing itself and ask themselves, “Is this character accurate? Realistic? Are they a good character?” to know if they’ve written good representation. The second takes into accounts meta aspects such as, “What are the stereotypes commonly used when representing this minority? what will my readers think of the minority I’m writing about after having read my story?” to assess whether or not their representation is good. We’ve had this discussion a few times on the blog, both have their arguments, and no one is right or wrong regarding this issue. The remainder of this post is geared towards those who are focusing on positive representation.

There is probably more media representation of autistic children than there is of autistic adults, especially if you count documentaries. I’d say the main stereotype is a child that is a completely nonverbal white boy who has constant meltdowns. This combination of traits is definitely possible, but please keep in mind that it is far from the only one that exists.

But the fact that I’d most like to point out is that this white, nonverbal autistic boy, in typical media representation, is first and foremost a tragedy. It broke his parents’ hearts when he wouldn’t meet their eyes or reciprocate their hugs. And when he was 18 months old and still hadn’t started talking, who could imagine the grief they went through? Never hearing your child saying “I love you” is probably the hardest thing a parent would ever have to face. Now, they love their child very much, of course. They’d do anything for him, anything to make him better or to break this glass prison he’s trapped in. And really, raising this child has become their full-time job. And it's a hard and thankless job, what with the daily meltdowns and the drives to and from various professionals’ offices for his weekly therapy schedule. Just yesterday their child bit them while they were trying to hug him…

Well, I don’t need to go on, I think you’ve got the picture. Autistic children are portrayed as tragedies and as a terrible burden on their parents’ lives. And unfortunately, that’s far from being the only bad media representation. Everywhere you look, this is the kind of content you see about autistic children, and I’d even say about autistic people in general - only recently have people apparently started to realize that autistic adults even exist - in newspaper articles or TV reports or parents’ blogs.

This gives the general public the impression that autism is a tragedy and should be eliminated so no one has to go through what these poor parents have gone through. This kind of attitude is, please excuse the expression, a “slippery slope” that leads to eugenics and infanticide. And the worst thing is, when one of these “poor parents” ends up murdering their child (yes, this happens more frequently that you’d think), the general public sympathizes with the murderer (and yes, this definitely does happen too, I’m not making this up).

So what I’m trying to say here is, please, write families with autistic children. Write parents who sometimes struggle with raising their autistic child because of lack of education about autism, or just because being a parent - the parent of any child - is hard. There can be conflict and there can be drama. But please, please, avoid writing the child’s autism as a tragedy. Avoid portraying them as a burden on their parents. Just for once, give us representation with a happy family and parents who love their autistic child with their autism, and not in spite of it.

That’s all I can think of about this subject. If anyone has follow-up questions, our inbox is open as always. Happy writing!

[quiltingmom]

I apologize, this is going to be a tl;dr but I feel the need for a little writing therapy. I’m hoping that writing will help me sort through the emotions that are plaguing my brain and heart.

I have a son, his name is Eric. Eric is 17 and a special needs teen. (I know I’m only 29, my husband should be arrested). He is a junior in high school and I find myself, especially this past week having to make some difficult decisions about and for him.

How would I describe Eric? The best gift God could give me; and the most heartbreaking at times. He has beautiful dark brunette hair and the most gorgeous big brown eyes with dark lashes that go on for a mile. He was an adorable baby. So loving, so cuddly, so happy. He was developmentally on track and even meeting some of his developmental milestones ahead of schedule- until he wasn’t. He was a late talker but I wasn’t overly concerned because his older brother was a late talker but it was a visit to the pediatrician and a recommendation of a little speech therapy to jump start his language skills that set our lives in motion for this roller coaster ride with him. In a single moment he went from being normal to not being normal. I would often sit and cry and wish I could rewind the clock back to the 5 minutes before I was told he was different. I wanted so desperately for him to be normal (or as the world defines normal) again.

Eric is truly the kindest person I know. He has taught me more about unconditional love than any pastor, preacher, priest, or sidewalk prophet ever has. He talks to everyone (he gets that from me). He doesn’t see race, age, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, disability, socioeconomic status or social position. He just sees people. It’s convicting and humbling. He has never said an unkind word about anyone; he doesn't swear either (the rest of us in the house make up for that). Eric is also so funny yet he doesn't know it. He sees everything as black and white. He tells it like it is but never with malice, just a sweet purity and innocence and it's hysterical. His greatest struggle are his social skills. It's heartbreaking because he is social and yet his brain just doesn't allow him to do it with ease. He's lonely. Most people are kind enough to him, but they don't include him or they ignore him. When he was younger I used to sit and pray that God would heal him and make him normal like the world. Now I pray that the world was more like him.

So today was a life-changing decision in Eric's life. I signed off on paper work labeling him as autistic. We had him tested numerous times when he was younger but he never met enough DSM-IV requirements to diagnose him. There now exists an "educational" diagnosis. When he was younger I was concerned that the label would limit him or cause others to judge him without getting to know him. I never wanted him to be that autistic kid, I wanted him to be just Eric. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I'm thinking/hoping that this label will help him in college and the work place - if he needs the label, but I'm not sure. Is he still just Eric or have I irreparably changed his life? I'm sad and worried.

Which leads to my next decision regarding Eric. He has volunteered to serve meals to the homeless (or people requiring assistance as he calls them), with a group of kids from his school. I was a little concerned about his safety because he doesn't have the instinct to discern whether someone or some situation is safe. He loved it! He loved helping people and being with the kids from his school. He wants to do it again. Well apparently, he talked to everyone and did a bit of wandering so the teacher in charge isn't comfortable with him going again. So now I have to figure out whether to let Eric go - because he really wants to go to serve food and be with his classmates and I think it's important that he serve God by serving others - or to not let him go because the teacher doesn't really want him there. I'm going to volunteer to be another adult chaperone/volunteer which I don't mind doing but the reality is my 17 yr old doesn't want his mom around (I don't blame him, I wouldn't either) and the teacher doesn't want him around. I hate to disappoint him. He asks for so little that whenever he does ask for anything I try to give it to him. Sigh... These are the moments that I wish he was "normal". But not really. I can't imagine him any other way. If he was normal, he'd be judgmental, and self-centered, and unsympathetic. Even though the world misjudges him, and he has a hard road ahead of him trying to live as a person with a disability navigating through a world that's not accepting of his oddities, I wouldn't want him any other way. His kindness and loving heart are a blessing to me.

Sometimes I question God's wisdom in making me Eric's mom. He would probably be better served by a mom who was more regimented, who monitored everything that went into his mouth, who wasn't such an extrovert. Even with my short-comings I know no one could love him any more than I do. And I would willingly give up my life for him and his happiness.

My heart is aching right now. I'm second guessing everything. I want to sit and cry.

Oh and my husband just found out he might get laid off. Maybe Friday, maybe March, maybe May or maybe not.

And I'm feeling very old, very fat, and very ugly. Sigh...