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quigonswife8 · 2 years ago

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Reunited: Juan x reader

GIF by henryburrell

You reunite with Juan after what feels like forever.

Warnings: swearing, violence, death, blood.

Not sure how this will do since Juan is a very underrated character but I really wanted to write something about him cause I just love him so much.

A/N: You understand + can speak spanish in this [if you can however speak/understand it plz let me know if any of the translations are wrong. I used google translate for this)

-----

The purge only happens one night a year. One night and people can do whatever they want. Until these people choose to make it a 'forever purge' and you end up getting separated from Juan, your husband

Juan had escaped Mexico over a year ago. He wanted a new life and got that when he entered America. A bonus? He had been able to live his new life with you. He had actually met you on the ranch when you had stood up for him against some racist asshole.

Neither of you knew this 'forever purge' would happen, and as you sneak through the city in desperate search of Juan, who so desperately wants to look for you but is forced to stay where he is, you are forced to watch as the horror continues to unfold.

-----

It's not the gunshots that scare you, but the screams. The screams of the unfortunate souls lining the streets, their blood everywhere.

It's been hours. Hours since you were separated from Juan and the other’s. You have no way to contact them as the satellite dishes were brought down, and you have no mode of transportation. It's safer this way but it still doesn't make the worry you have subside.

Keeping your head low you scale the wall: the gun in your right hand gripped tightly. Another scream rings out sending chills down your spine, and as you pass another body, you let out a shaky sigh. fuck.

You re-focus back your thoughts back to your husband, using this as a motivator to keep going.

"¿Cómo sabes que no están heridos?( How do you know they're not hurt?)."

Juan paces. He always paces when he's stressed or worried.

"T.T."

"Slow down..."

His friend plants himself in front of Juan, placing his hands on his shoulders to physically stop him. Juan, however, shakes his head.

"They could be..."

"No."

T.T shakes his head, like Juan had just done, then he looks at him stern.

"Ellos estan vivos (they are alive)."

"Tu no sabes eso. (you don't know that)."

No, he doesn't. What he does know though is how capable you are, and how well you can protect yourself. He had seen this first hand before you were separated when you had taken down someone, as well as in the past when he'd seen you deal with more than few racist assholes.

"They can protect themselves Juan.." T.T continues. "Ellos estarán bien(they will be alright)."

T.T removes his hand from Juan's shoulder, and nods, before walking off. Juan sighs and runs his hands over his face.

He better be right.

Once the coast is clear you sneak to the alleyway directly across from you and, much like you have been doing, you remain low. The people going past may be able to spot you if you stand so this is the best chance to keeping out of the spotlight.

Dropping your head, you look down at the ground. It's still unreal to you that this is still going on. It was supposed to be over and for a brief time, it was. Until it wasn't and now you're forced to live through it...but for how long, though?

It's obvious this won't be over in the next couple of hours, that's why Mexico and Canada have opened their borders to those wanting to seek safety and shelter. The military are nowhere to be seen, either, making matters worse.

A shot runs out, startling you, but it snaps you out of your thoughts, enough to get you on the move again. Ducking behind a destroyed car you sneak over to another building which happens to be a library. Though it gives you enough shelter to wait for a moment to look around and see if there could be any sign.

It comes in the form of a rose. A painting of a single rose in the middle of the wall in front of you, and as you focus on it more, it triggers a memory.

"He had told us to follow the roses si alguna vez necesitamos ayuda (if we ever needed help)."

Juan sits, his cowboy hat next to him, while his back is against the wall. You’re sitting cross-legged in front of him.

"..wow."

Juan nods. He decided to tell you the story of how he escaped to America. It was through a tunnel with a group, lead by a boy. When they had crossed to America the boy had told Juan him that if he ever needed anything that all he had to do was follow the roses.

"Of course."

You mutter, moving away from the wall.

"That's perfect."

With one last look around the area you begin to follow the roses, praying that Juan had remembered and followed the roses too.

----

When you enter the building a pair of men appear, immedietly aiming their guns at you. You hold your hands up in defence.

"What are you doing here?"

The one on the right moves closer.

"Are you one of them?"

Them meaning the ones who is the cause of all of this.

"I'm here because I'm looking for my partner and for a few other people. I'm not one of them."

I could never be

The pair keep their guns aimed at you, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"¿Cómo sabemos que no estás mintiendo? (how do we know you're not lying?)

"El tiene razón (he's right)."

They seem like they're good people, they're just defensive and you don't blame them. You could be bad which of course you're not but they don't know that. You could be lying just to kill them, so you get why they're acting this way. Still you want them to know that you're not a threat and you're telling the truth.

Taking a deep breath, you sigh.

"Te prometo que no soy una amenaza (I promise you that i'm not a threat)."

You pause for a moment, before continuing.

"I promise you that I am only here for my partner and for the other people, too. Te lo juro (I swear to you)."

Then you wait for what they have to say. They keep their guns trained on you, but they don't shoot which is a good thing. All you can think about is Juan and how you pray he's there and he's alright.

So you begin to come up with something...until a voice cuts through the silence.

"Ellos estan diciendo la verdad(they are telling the truth)."

And it's like your whole world stops. You let out a gasp, your eyes flicking over to him. Juan. He has been through a lot more, you can tell, and that breaks your heart to see- staring at him with wide eyes you feel the tears fall.

"Juan?", you're so relieved to see that he's okay and he's actually there.

"(y/n)..."

Snapping out of your shock you immedietly run over to Juan, the tears now falling down your cheeks.

"Thank god."

Then you throw yourself into his arms, feeling him wrap his arms around you, as he pulls you against his chest. You practically cling onto him too afraid to let him go- you need him right now, you don't want him to let you go.

"I thought I lost you." though his words are muffled.

"I-i'm here Juan." and he's beyond happy that you are. He's not sure what he would have done if he lost you. "...I'm here.

Pressing your face into his shirt more.

-Time skip-

"Estas listo? (are you ready?)."

Juan keeps his hand in yours, while you watch as other people rush out the door. The other's wait by the door for you.

The border to Mexico may be closed but there's someone who will be able to sneak you across. You will be leaving right then and there. That means you need to leave quickly or you may miss your ride.

So you smile up at your partner and nod, squeezing his hand.

"Vamos (let's go).". Juan quickly steals a kiss from you leaving you smiling. Despite everything that's happened he's the only person who can still make you smile. Then you join up with the others. "We're ready." and with one last look at eachother, you leave.

You'll be safe soon enough. It hurts that you may not be able to return to America, maybe ever again, but you're just glad to be able to escape to somewhere where you will be safe. Where you can live with Juan without that constant worry and fear. That's all that really matters.

#the forever purge #juan x reader #juan the forever purge #juan the forever purge x reader #tenoch huerta

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byou-shin · 1 year ago

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Do your sims of Paradise Prison have Lore? I'm so curious!

Thankyou for your curiousity~! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ I'd be happy to tell. They have a lore actually. All my OCs has. I just didn't have time to tell about them lol T.T)

I'm gonna tell you~ but the story in my head isn't completed yet lol, I need time to think about more events hahaha. Please excuse my poor writing, I hope I can express it clear

*i'm using an old photo because now I don't have new version of them in one photo (_ _)

Once upon a time, there was a cleansing of those who were considered to be against the light. Those who shelter under the darkness of the night will be targets for the light of the world who stands between the holy gate of sin and reward. Those who prey on living being that are similar to them as created by God, deserve to be condemned and put into the hottest pit of fire. And at that moment, the fragile and crumbling soul is tempted by the dark kinds, because of the rotten blind love and the weakness of faith, then it is worthy for her to be thrown into the pit of fire. A beam of light appeared to the surface in the form of a cursed human child, he had sinned inheriting his mother and father and it would happen to him as many as 70 descendants. The darkness that God created then slowly disappeared in the mist at dawn, leaving behind the collapsed soul and the light that he sprinkled into the barren hole by themselves. This is where the fire that was once extinguished began to live and burn again. A cursed son of man who by the command of his great King, was believed to be ordered to set his foot on the surface of the world created by God for him and destroy the souls that sinned for him. Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage. And there, a small fragile body appeared from behind the veil, his mother named him... Adam. "Because if we live, we live for God, and if we die, we die for God. So whether we live or die, we belong to God." (Romans 14:18)

....

Easy explanation below~

In short, Adam's mother was a widow with 3 sons, who are Adam's older brothers. The death of her husband made her life even more difficult amidst the upheaval of the congregation and also Church officials regarding creatures who were considered "opposed" to God's teachings. Because wars often occur between humans and darkness in the name of the holy cross, this indicates that the lives of the woman and her children are threatened.

In the midst of this incident, she was seduced by her dark kind, a cruel and selfish blood drinker who was said to be "cursed" by his God. Promised by his sweet tongue, the woman melted and gave her whole life to the man. Without realizing it, she was just being used because basically, most of them were heartless creatures who only hunted.

The woman almost lost her mind and the last baby who came out of her womb (Adam) was cursed with all her insane thoughts. Wanting to find safety for herself, she then fled into the forest and was never seen again (the people believe that human who has relationship with darkness must be burn, and at that time, the rumour has already spread in the village). Gabriel, as the oldest brother, tries to save his younger brothers. And at that time, they were discovered by a deacon who was patrolling their area. They were then taken to an orphanage run by the Church.

Several years after that incident, Adam grew up as an "unnatural/extraordinary" child, because he was half vampire and half human. There was a turmoil inside him that he couldn't control. He is always haunted by the memory in his mind of himself in his mother's womb (yes… he can remember many events from when he was little).

In short! He once massacred many people (people outside the Church). When the church officials found out, they realized that the power he had was unnatural/not normal. So on the orders of the head of the Head Sister who ruled at that time, Adam was hidden. Vatican officials knew about it, and he asked Sister Sharon to take full responsibility for the dog she kept. Oh yeah, Glenn and Morgan decided to become priests (Glenn is still a seminarian), and Morgan? His dogma is a bit unpopular with the Vatican (they hate him), but many virgins and widows like his face and way of speaking, lol (don't trust this man!!)

Gabriel…? He tried to protect his precious little brother, Adam, with the honorary title of knight he had given by the head of the church in his military capacity against vampires and other dark creatures.

Several important people in Protestantism tried to hunt down Adam because of their own doctrine. (It would be long if I explained it). People from the Middle East (Malika, Shakir, Farhan) also hunt him because they believe that if they drink Adam's blood, they can gain greater power (I can't find the exact explanation now, it also has something with the important officials in there!) Meanwhile, Longwei is a shaman from China who was sent to spy on the movements of a drug trafficker in Iraq, accidentally met Malika, Shakir and Farhan on their way to Rome and then conspired with them.

Ahhh how should I explain it, now I can only give you this hahahaha

I need more time to explain Adam's father and why is Adam is so powerful loool

#ask #i feel like i need to make special hastag for my Paradise Prison sims...#thanks again for the ask~! I love talking stories about my ocs ♥#text #[*paradise prison]#about oc

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a-mag-a-day · 2 years ago

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MAG 16

I saw the title and was like "oh god…"

Trivia: It's called Arachnophobia, calling it a fear. But it's actually most associated with disgust. It's the same for me. I'm not afraid of them. I am repulsed by them.

"It’s not the sight of a spider that gets me, not the legs or the eyes" - Nope, that already does is for me. In RL that is. I stagger backwards, my whole body screaming at me to get as much distance as I possibly can between that thing and me.

"It’s the presence of a spider. The knowledge of its being, somewhere near, waiting to crawl on you" - Yes, also this… It's one of the worst things, discovering a spider in my house and then lose sight of it. I usually avoid that room or area for the next hours then.

"and all the warning you get that gentle tickle of its legs as it climbs upon you." - PLS have mercy! T.T I hate this! I had a huuuge spider crawl up my leg when I was a young teen and at first I didn't bother to look when I felt it tickling but then it would stop and I looked and I fell of my chair, losing the spider and I was so scared to sleep in my room that night. I sleep with a night light since I was… 10 I think? So I can see the spiders at night… I'm fucking 31 years old! In our house all beds are positioned under roof slopes and somehow they always sit on that slope directly over the bed. Worst of it all, I once awoke, lying on my stomach, looking over my shoulder to see if my cat is there and I shit you not, there was a spider sitting on my should watching me sleep! It even bit me when I brushed it off (Not that surprising considering that I "attacked" it). I had night terrors for a week, waking up multiple times a night, panicking… I often dream about spiders jumping at me, grabbing me so firmly that they can't be shaken off…

I have a suspicion that the Hunt, the real Hunt not a normal cat, is actually effective against the Web. I first thought about this, when friends told me their Husky slurped a huge spider from the wall while casually walking by. I will get more into this at MAG 56: Children of The Night.

"Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognise – small, silvery worms, almost like maggots, but slightly longer – and I assume that they provided a good meal for the eight-legged little monsters." - OMG how this I miss this on all my relistens! And yes, we know from MAG 46, that the spiders eat the worms: "I think I saw some of the larger specimens actually eating the remains of the worms."

It's interesting how often the "mandibles" of this spider are mentioned. Spiders don't actually have mandibles. They have something that's called… chelicerae <.<

"There, sat upon it, black against the glowing background, was a spider." - This reminds me… When I watched Johnny English (haha, very fitting) in theater back in 2003… the entirety of the movie, a fat huge spider sat on the screen. My mum asked me how the movie was when she picked me up and I was "Terrifying, there was a spider on the screen the whole time."

"at that point it felt almost involuntary, as though some something were lifting me, hoisting me to my feet by unseen strings. " <.<

"Can you be haunted by the ghost of a spider that destroyed your childhood?" - Gosh, that line hit so close now. I love the foreshadowing in this episode.

Post statement was the moment (I even heard of a few others feeling the same way when they reached this episode) to fully snap at Jon. Like how ignorant do you have to be to think that a body would become completely encased in web after a week! I even angrily messaged my sister, who recommended TMA to me, why this stupid idiot even works at the Magnus Institute, if he doesn't believe even half of the tape statements (she just told me to keep listening, and if I wanted to hear Jon actually believing someone, I should briefly skip forward to MAG 22. And of course, MAG 22 was the episode that finally fully reeled me in and didn't let go of me again). Now, of course, I know that this statement makes so much sense for Jon to pull out his biggest denial mask…

A hard statement for all spider deniers indeed

#a mag a day #the magnus archives #tma #episode asks #mod ashes #tma spoilers #mag 16

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decks-writing-blog · 3 years ago

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Indirectly a Hero

This fic is inspired by my prior doubt about ever being able to even reach 5BC let alone get anywhere close to beating it. So basically thinking about what that would look like in universe brought along the question of what would happened if the Collector decided to just make the Panacea without Beheaded there because they're too weak ever get that far?

Just for the record I now know I can beat 5BC even if it is with a a little bit of help from one of the new aspects in the beta patch (I feel it's technically possible without that but is a very tall order). I reached the Collector for the first a little while ago only for him to glitch. T.T Once he's fixed though it's only a matter of time before I get that 1st 5BC win. Perhaps for the 2nd 5BC win for the true ending I'll insist on doing it without the help of an aspect, depends on how I feel though because this game is hella hard.

The door opened with little more than a creak of its hinges, signaling the state Beheaded was in even before they’d entered the room. Which they did rather slowly, hunched over as they clutching at wound in their side, blood leaking freely through their fingers. That wasn’t their only wound either. Various injuries marred their body and tattered their blood-soaked clothing. They left a dripping trail behind them as they walked further in.

Collector watched them make their slow, painful way over to him. “You’re going to fight the Hand of the King like that?” His tone was mocking but it was hard not to feel a little pity for them given how often he’d seen them in such a state by now. Especially in comparison to their usual swagger. Though at least this way they didn’t destroy the door as they entered.

Beheaded lifted a hand to flip him off. They were still as rude as ever though, that was good to see.

Despite that, as always, they handed over all the Dead Cells they’d collected since last Collector had last seen them. He’d long since run out of stuff to give them in return but they thankfully still handed them over without even needing to be asked to. Seems it was just habit for them at this point and Collector wasn’t going to question it lest they stop doing so.

They then moved on, heading off to fight the Hand of the King again. Given their state, they would almost without a doubt lose again too. They’d only managed to defeat him a grand total of three times now. The last time had been quite a while ago too. But given how many other times they struggled long and hard against various other obstacles and enemies, they’d probably eventually prevail again. Unless Collector found that cure for the Malaise first.

He turned to looked at the container behind him now brimming with fresh Cells. Thanks to Beheaded, he had no shortage of Cells to experiment with and thanks to Time Keeper, no shortage of time to do so either. As a result, he was starting to get close to… something. Whether that something would actually be an effective cure was impossible to say. At this point he doubted it, but it was the only thing he had left to try so he was going to. Just a little bit more and he’d have it.

Time was impossible to measure in a time loop and thus there was no way to even guess how long it had taken but Collector finally had the ability to create a panacea. A mythic cure from a children’s tale, it wasn’t likely to work. But if it failed, there was no hope left for the island anyway so it wouldn’t change anything. Now all that was left to do was to wait for Beheaded to show up and he’d reveal it to them.

Except… Beheaded never showed. Despite Time Keeper’s best efforts, the Malaise was still getting worse, increasing the amount of undead roaming the island, making them more aggressive as well. Beheaded, already having a hard time, was struggling even more now. Rare was the attempt they got anywhere even close to the castle, let alone to it and then all the way here.

So as much as he would’ve preferred one last dose of Cells from Beheaded as well as the opportunity to show them the panacea, he couldn’t wait forever. And really, he was only procrastinating because this was the island’s final hope so if it failed there was nothing more he could do. It was about time he just got this over with though

After one last look around the empty observatory, he turned to look at the Catalyst. He’d been planning to use fresh Cells from Beheaded for this but they clearly weren’t up to the task of reaching this point so he’d just have to use some of the spare Cells left over from all the experiments that had led to this. Most of them he’d used up in said experiments but there was still enough left to do this at least once or twice.

He left to get a Cell storage container from the other room. Upon returning it didn’t take long to hook it up and transfer the Cells over. He then positioned a flask underneath its spout and turned it on.

The Cells spun and danced within the machine, condensing down into a liquid form and pouring into the flask. It glowed blue, coming up to almost the halfway point. He hadn’t used quite enough Cells. Not that it mattered a whole lot anyway as it wasn’t likely to work.

So with no one to share this experiment with – and what a vast shame that was – he grasped the flask by its neck and unceremoniously lifted it to his mouth to take a small sip. The liquid had the consistency of honey and had a sharp bitter medicinal taste. Unpleasant but not too bad really. Now if only…

The surge of energy that shot through him surprised him enough to send him to his knees. Oh! That felt good! With a chuckle, he stood back up and… nothing. He did nothing because despite the sudden pressing urge to do something there was nothing to do. So instead he growled and strode over to pound a fist onto his desk, making the glass beakers on it rattle as if in threat of breaking. He growled at them, barely resisting the urge to swipe them off the desk to shatter onto the floor.

He needed more Cells! … Well it was a good thing he knew where to go to get more.

***

After bursting through the door, Beheaded paused because Collector was back. He was standing there just as if he’d never left, his equipment operational and glowing with Cells once more. The fellow who’d taken his place was still there too. The two of them looked to have been having a conversation that Beheaded’s arrival had interrupted as they both looked over at them.

“Hello,” Not Collector said, their voice even cheerier than usual. Yeah, they idolized Collector or something, didn’t they? Beheaded had never cared enough to pay attention nor would they start caring now.

So ignoring them, Beheaded strode up to the Collector. They pointed at him and then gestured around before lifting their arms in an exaggerated shrug to make it a question. They’d assumed he’d died but apparently not. So where had he disappeared off to and more importantly why?

“Greetings. I apologize for my absence. However, I trust out little arrangement is still in place.” His voice sounded almost a little… strained? There was certainly a different energy to it than before. Something had changed. What though?

Out of spite and sudden renewed distrust, Beheaded was tempted to refuse and keep the Cells for themself. With Collector being even more suspicious than usual, giving him what he wanted might not be a good idea. Though… they’d never trusted him much to begin with so not a whole lot had really changed, huh? And they had literally no use for the Cells and thus had no real reason to want to keep them on top of the fact that if they ever came across another blueprint, his services in making it for them would be welcome. They could’ve possibly given them to Not Collector but doing so would’ve most likely been just a roundabout way of giving them to Collector. So with one last warning finger shake, Beheaded handed their Cells over.

“Thank you.”

Even if Beheaded were capable of replying they wouldn’t have bothered as they moved on, resuming their quest. It was still early but they had a good feeling about this attempt. They were going to see what was on the other side of that door behind the Hand of the King for sure this time. … Hopefully anyway. Really just reaching the damn castle again would be an achievement at this point. But they were for sure going to get through the door eventually and whatever was on the other side better be worth all this pain and effort.

Many, many failed attempts later. Long enough for Beheaded to hand over enough Cells for Collector to make enough panacea to cure the Malaise entirely

The relief Beheaded felt at finally making it through High Peak Castle was dashed almost as soon as they were entering into the passage because now they’d have to fight the Hand of the King. They hadn’t even so much as seen him in so long and had never been great at handling him and they’d been royally sliced to bits in the castle. Leaving them with an empty potion flask and far more damage to their body than they were comfortable with. Unless a miracle occurred, they were going to fail against the Hand. A shame but… at least they’d made it this far, pushing the bar just that little bit more. Perhaps next time they’d fare well enough to stand a chance though. … Not likely. Eventually though they would… eventually.

As always they went to Collector, giving him all their Cells without a word from him. But as they turned away to head for their ‘death’, he spoke. “I must thank you for your assistance.”

They paused and turned to look back up at him.

“The Cells you’ve brought me have been invaluable in my experiments. To thank you let me assist you in your endeavors again.” He pulled out a vial filled with an orange liquid; a health potion.

It was very possible this was a trap or trick of some sort but if it somehow wasn’t, it was their only hope of beating the Hand of the King, even if it wasn’t a large hope, and at least seeing what was behind that door. In the worst-case scenario, they could always detach from their current body and slink off to find another, as they’d have been doomed to do very shortly anyway. So as he extended the vial towards them, they snatched it out of his hand and tipped it back.

As their form absorbed its contents magic rushed through all their tendrils throughout the body, repairing the damage that had been done to it in a flood of pleasant warmth. Dropping the vial, they looked up at Collector again to give him a thumbs up and a nod before heading off, reenergized and ready to take on the Hand of the King.

Except they took only two steps in that direction before darkness encroached on their vision. Their control of the body faltered, making them tip and fall to their hands and knees and then even that was too much as they flopped over onto their side. Of fucking course it had been too good to be true.

“Sorry friend.” Collector maybe even did sound a little apologetic. “But I need you out of the way for a while. You will come to no harm though, I promise.”

Beheaded wanted to lift a hand to flip him off but unconsciousness dragged at them, pulling them down towards nothingness despite their best efforts to fight it. When they woke up though, they were so going to…

~~~

They were lying on a bed, a soft one too with a blanket thrown over them. The ceiling above them was nothing special but as they stiffly rolled over to look at the room, they recognized it. The room in High Peak Castle with all the beds. They were on the one closest to the door.

Exhaustion had driven them to taking naps in all sorts of strange and dangerous locations but they’d never felt even tempted to take one in this room. It was too dangerous and too close to their end goal for them to feel even remotely capable of relaxing here. So how come they were waking up here? … Collector! He betrayed them with a drugged healing potion.

They threw off the blanket and rolled out of bed, moving with far less grace and precision then they should’ve. Whatever they’d been drugged with hadn’t completely worn off yet. It was affecting their control of the body which made them angrier. As soon as they found Collector, he was going to get a piece of their mind.

As they made their awkward way towards they door they reached for where their crossbow should’ve been hanging on their back. Of course it wasn’t there, else how would they have been lying so comfortably on the bed? A quick check revealed it wasn’t anywhere else on their person either. A look back confirmed it wasn’t lain out near the bed or anywhere else in sight. All their other gear was missing as well. Leaving in them in the middle of one of the most dangerous places on the island without a single way to defend themself.

What was Collector even trying to accomplish with this stunt? They’d just ‘die’ and head back to get a new body and come hunt him down. Maybe they shouldn’t even try to fight; just abandon this body here and head off for that new attempt now. … But no, if possible they wanted to know what was up here sooner rather than later. And who knows, they might get lucky and find a weapon or two nearby.

So shaking themself a little they continued onward out the door and into the castle hallway. They were in luck, it was empty. Perhaps all the monsters they’d cleared out on their way through earlier were still gone. The time loop hadn’t brought them back yet or no new ones had come or whatever else happened that normally brought them back hadn’t happened yet. It was long shot but they could hope.

As they made their way through the castle, they became more and more sure that was the case. The halls were empty. There were blood splatters here and there and chopped up monster remains but that’s it. Which was nice, given their lack of weapon and the fading lethargy from the sleeping drug but… strange. Something was different here. … Beheaded didn’t like whatever it was.

Having even just a rusty sword and a barely functional shield would’ve made them feel quite a bit better about this situation. If they could find even a single enemy maybe they could steal its weapon? A hard feat for sure but better than trying to fight with just their hands and feet. Though if push came to shove, they’d gladly just punch Collector in the face. Not that trying that was likely to work out in their favor. Anyone who could move around the island as much as he did, had to be quite good at one form of combat or another and thus not someone to be taken lightly. If they took him by surprise though perhaps they could get away with a solid hit or two before he stopped them. He deserved nothing less for tricking them and…

They paused as they came upon a large door they’d never seen before. Which honestly wasn’t too surprising, they’d explored the castle far less than the rest of the island – other than the distillery anyway because fuck that place, they’d rather not have to deal with barrels exploding in their face every time they turned a corner. Other than its slightly larger than normal size though there wasn’t much special about the door. So with nothing better to do, they kicked it open and were met with the loud satisfying crunch of wood cracking as it swung around and slammed into the wall.

Inside was… the Hand of the King! What was he doing inside the castle!? This was no fair! They didn’t even have a weapon. Oh, they were so fucked! But wait even though he’d snapped around to face them he was unarmed! His lance leaned against the wall nearby. Beheaded sprang for it. Defeating him with his own lance would be so sweet! What better vengeance for all the times he’d ruined their day?

Their hand was within inches of its hilt when the Hand caught them by their forearm. He yanked them rough back and around, twisting their arm to force them to face him as he pulled them up so they could barely stand on their tippytoes.

Welp, they’d tried, got to give them credit for that, right? They tensed, prepared for the pain of being sliced or speared through or perhaps he would just tighten his already painful grip and crush the bones in their arm and then go through break all their other bones too. So they should probably just detach from the body now and…

“Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance.” Collector stood at the Hand’s side, looking down at them. “Always kicking and rolling through doors. However, given your obvious goal just now, I must warn you if you insist on remaining violent, I have a glass jar in my lab that would be the perfect place to securely contain a specimen such as you. Understand?”

Would a glass jar be able to effectively contain them? … Depends on how tight the seal on it was. And on how tough the glass was. Both of which Collector could probably easily ensure were more than strong enough for the task. Also, he no doubt could find a way to prevent them from pushing it off the table or whatever too. So such a threat was actually threatening and given Beheaded’s less than ideal position of being weaponless and held firmly by the Hand, it probably wasn’t a good idea to risk it right now. So… they nodded, even lifting their free hand to give a halfhearted thumbs up.

“Very good,” Collector said with a nod.

The Hand didn’t let go of them yet though. Instead, he tightened his grip a little before speaking. “The Alchemist told me what you are and where you came from. Perhaps if I had known before, I wouldn’t have attacked you immediately.” There were certainly instances were that would’ve been nice and would’ve resulted in far less pain and failure. Overall though it would’ve been less fun. “It’s too late for that now though. You killed what was left of the real King. I’d snap you in half for that but the Alchemist has asked me not to so I shall refrain… for now.” With that, he let go of their arm at last.

They stumbled, barely keeping themself from falling. They shook it off, backstepping as they pulled their arm in. Putting them closer to the lance but… something had clearly changed.

Tearing their gaze from the Hand, they quickly scanned the rest of the room. It was a map room; a table with a model of presumably the whole island sat in the middle of the room, taking up most of the space. The blacksmith and his little backpacked buddies sat at the other end of it. Time Keeper was here too, standing on the other side of Collector. She was watching them intently but also seemed uninclined to attack them for some reason.

Even if they grabbed the lance or had any other weapon, they were at a huge disadvantage here if things went sour. Or more like if they went more sour since this was already quite an uncomfortable position to be in. Fleeing was an option but they needed to know what the fuck was happening.

“I’m sure you’re quite confused,” Collector said. “Long story short, using the Dead Cells you provided me, I managed to create a cure for the Malaise. So congrats, you are indirectly a hero. We are currently discussing what we should do next with so few people left alive.”

“And we’ve already decided,” Time Keeper added, glaring daggers at Beheaded, “that regardless of whether you are still technically the old King or not, you’re not getting the role back ever.”

Unable to return her mean look, Beheaded lifted a hand to flip her off instead - they should be able to be King again if they wanted to. But… it was halfhearted and quickly dropped because… was the Malaise really gone? Just out of nowhere like that? What did that mean for them? All they really knew was fighting the Malaise infected monsters. And… the time loop, that had to be over now too, right? So what was going to happen next?

And they’d never reached their goal! They’d been going to defeat the Hand of the King and then go through the five Boss Cell door and then probably fight whatever was on the other side. They’d been pushing for that for so long and now all that was just over? That was so unfair!

Their whole life was over, wasn’t it? Because the run through of the island, killing all the monsters was all they’d ever really done. With the time loop happening they’d blindly assumed it’s all they’d ever do. What were they suppose do now?

“… don’t even need a new King,” Time Keeper was saying as Beheaded tuned back into the conversation. It had apparently resumed while they’d been reeling.

They didn’t really care though. And it’s not like they could contribute to the conversation or anyone would welcome it if they tried so… they turned and left. No one tried to call them back.

The Malaise being cured and presumably eradicated from the island made the strange emptiness of the halls as they strode through them make much more sense. It made traversing them a lot less exciting and a non-accomplishment. But… getting sliced to bits, stabbed, exploded and all sorts of other things did hurt quite a bit so this development wasn’t all bad. That didn’t make it any less aggravating that it hadn’t happened on their terms as it should’ve. Nor did it make the idea of finding another way to entertain themself any easier.

They paused as they finally found the outdoor throne room. The fire that had been around the throne had finally been put out or had been allowed to peter out on its own. They continued on, going past it and beelining for the little room behind the fountain. Even if the glory and achievement of reaching it the way they’d intended had been stolen from them they were still going to see what was behind that door.

It was already open and hanging ajar as they approached. They kicked it the rest of the way open, making it slam loudly into the wall. Doing so provided nowhere near as much satisfaction as reaching it after defeating the Hand would’ve but it was still better than just pushing it open.

And on the other side was… a small room and an elevator. The elevator went up a long, its chains rattling loudly the whole. At top was another safe passage room. On the other side was… a lab. No monsters though, nor the sound of any nearby. There probably had been though, right? Before Collector cured the Malaise and fixed everything. It would’ve been nice to see some new enemies even if said new monsters probably would’ve quickly destroyed their body. But no, all that was over and now… What were they supposed to do next? … Even if they’d had any real interest in returning to their prior existence’s role as King, they wouldn’t be allowed to. Leaving them to do… what? …

Shaking off those thoughts once more, they continued on to explore more. Much of the equipment was now broken shards of glass and debris on the ground. Despite that, it didn’t take long to determined that the lab had clearly belonged to Collector before it had been taken over by monsters. Which no doubt was cause of the destruction.

Way up at the top of the tallest tower was a large room that seemed to be the only part still functioning as a lab. Amongst other smaller equipment stood a large cylindrical machine with a lot of weird parts coming off it and a spout on the front as if to dispense something. Its inside still had a glimmer of blue something coating them. Undoubtedly this was where Collector had concocted the cure, using all the Dead Cells Beheaded had gathered and given to him.

With an internal sigh, they walked over and turned around sit on the ground and lean back against the machine. What would have happened if they’d reached this place before Collector fixed everything? Probably something interesting, right? They would never know for sure though. It could’ve also been boring, just Collector finally telling them what he’d been working on all this time.

Which if they had known what he was using the Dead Cells for they probably would’ve continued giving them to him. Though if they had known they could’ve demanded their right to finish their self-assigned task before he did his thing, cutting off the supply entirely if need be.

Even as it was though, he surely could’ve waited just a few more attempts, right? However many it took for Beheaded to reach this point on their own. Which to be fair probably would’ve been a lot given how prone they were to getting their ass handed to them. But with the time loop happening, it wouldn’t have changed anything. He could’ve waited.

It was too late now though and probably no going back. They had no choice but to move on and figure out what they were going to do next. Maybe they could leave the island and head off in search of another adventure. Or maybe they should try to return to their former life and insist on being King. Perhaps they should do something else entirely. … Ugh, making important decisions sucked. They had to though… eventually. For now though they were going to just sit here be bitter about their victory being stolen from them.

#my writing #dead cells #the beheaded #the prisoner #the collector #the hand of the king

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farawaysoph-ie · 4 years ago

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Season finales are painful b*tches around here, so I might as well live blog about this one: Juno Steel and the Soul of the People, here I come.

Why is he talking like Ramses?!

Oh not the Soul again

"Luckly I'm more than just one brain" o.O

Listen to Rita!

Being controlled by AI is among my top10 worst nightmares

It's making him hunt Rita, how dare you!

Emotional Danger Avoidance Protocol what b*tch

LET HIM SAY NUREYEV YOU EVIL ROBOT!

Juno let’s be a drama queen later sweetie

Why would you think I’m crying... (I am)

I want what they have

“Because I believe in you Rita”

Juno Steel is a never ending source of words that explain how I’ve felt in my life at least once

He always comes after my heart

But also Theia!Juno scares the hell out of me, it’s not him, he has zero control, he must be screaming behind the monologue we hear

Part2 coming

"Y’know, I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I’m supposed to be somewhere else? I don’t think I’m the only one, either. Finding your way forward in this galaxy is like taking driving directions from a busload of screaming kids: the right stuff gets drowned out, and no matter what you do, everyone — including you -- just ends up miserable and lost. But sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you find one voice that cuts through the rest -- one voice that speaks the truth nobody else will say. "

"The hell happened to waiting for my permission?"

THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE US THEIR ORIGIN STORY?! **

She was with him since the police days?? My heart won't make it to the end

The static reminded me of people screaming

"You've fired me about eight times this week, Detective Steel, but then you call me back like two minutes later soundin' all angry-sad-'n-guilty to give me my job back, so can I just stay inside and watch the movie while you change your mind?"

Seriously Juno 😂

Give up control

OMG Rita bought the office for the two of them...

Welcome home, Mista Steel

"You’re right about one thing, you little nightmare: I will protect my home. And that’s why I’m running you the hell out of here. Bye-bye, bug. This brain’s only big enough for one Juno Steel -- and I’m just getting started. "

What's your gut say?

Juno, you earned the right to be salty and unhappy about how it all turned out, man

And f*ck Ramsack O’Takannity, that's his name now

"We may look backwards only to ensure we have not come this way before. "

"But I like who we are, Mista Steel. "

"Me too. And that's why I can't do this without you. So. think about it. Take a few days, weeks, months, and then I'll call him. But all I know is that if you want to stay here. I'll stay here, too. I just-- "

"Then we are going."

I repeat, I want what they have, the care, the certainty, the loyalty, the love T.T

The whole scene that ended in I am Jet, I'm a big fan of hers, she'll be paid more than you was GOLD

JUNO STEEL THE SIDEKICK, OMG

Is there something Rita hasn't hacked into?

They are leaving, one season ago you couldn't Juno I'm watching you (well thinking back running away without Rita would have been A CRIME)

It's THAT car

Omg it's him

"Hello, Juno. It's been a while. "

THE SOUND I'VE MADE WAS NOT HUMAN

⬆ basically me, but hey I'm always happy when Peter shows up

This season was amazing, Juno's journey as a person that doesn't destroy himself at any chance or leaves behind people for this idea of hero that keeps him going. He started apologizing and relying on people, I'm so proud of him.

He gives me so much hope, sometimes I see my life in his mistakes, but you know he's making it, every day.

And that makes me a little stronger, every time.

#juno steel and the soul of the people #juno steel #rita [redacted]#I love how they avoid telling us her surname #incoherent whatever #tpp #tpp spoilers #the penumbra podcast #the penumbra podcast spoilers #kinda #don't know where you people are #i love this podcast

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sebthesnipe · 5 years ago

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The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagin an Analysis? Part 4

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

It is finally here… sorry I took so long. Life has been… hectic to say the least.

Reminder: Spoilers under cut!

So, if you remember correctly (I know its been awhile), we left off just before the cut to Roman and Logan’s first meeting. The scene starts off with rain… but Eva’s use of descriptors is always so pure and beautiful I can’t resist quoting it here. “Rain was beating against the window in heavy sheets of freezing water coming down hard on the city. The air felt alive with crackling currents of lightning and rumbling thunder almost constantly growling like an ancient, rumbling animal. It was a particularly nasty day, perfect for what the media preposterously called’ villainy’, which [Logan] did not intend to be involved in today. At all” (Whatwashernameagain).

*rubs hands together deliciously* Oh the imagery….

So! Here we go! First off, rain is symbolic in a lot of different literature styles to represent a wide variety of things. In dreams, water can represent a number of things depending on the source. Rivers can symbolize emotions, something changing, or the need to change. Rain tends to reveal emotions as well, usually strong feelings, depression or despair… even rejection, anger, grief. Thunder accompanying rain can be a warning sign that you are not paying close enough attention to someone’s needs, or possibly your own. Or it can simply be used to bring your attention to something important in life. Generally dreaming about a heavy rain storm such as this would indicate something unfortunate or a problematic event that could cause you a lot of turmoil in the near future; an incoming loss or losses.

You may think I’m getting off topic but I’m really not. Sure, Logan isn’t dreaming… But Eva is! What is a story but a daydream written down on a piece of paper (or in this case typed up on a blog)? According to Freud (yes, we’re gong back to Psychoanalysis Theory in Literature); dreams are our subconscious trying to warn/tell us about ourselves, even if we don’t want to hear it (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, the cold sheets of rain are a foreshadow of what is to come; the pain and turmoil that will no doubt will be dropped into our laps… especially Logan’s lap. The change/character development that Logan is about to go through... What could this be foreshadowing? Well… Eva writes that the freezing water was coming down hard on the city…. Not just Logan… So… What ever is about to happen is about to affect everyone… It is not an isolated incident... whatever/whoever is about to happen is important to the city/world, not just Logan. And the only person that could really have that much reach besides Logan himself: The Dreamer; everyone’s hero… The shining hope that spreads warmth where ever he goes… Whatever is about to happen… ain’t going to be pretty… (Well, aside from Roman himself… He’s pretty no matter what but you get what I’m saying).

Secondly, Eva and her similes are always fantastic: “rumbling thunder almost constantly growling like an ancient, rumbling animal” (Whatwashernameagain). The imagery, itself causes the reader to picture some incorporeal creature hidden behind the clouds, growling and hissing at the world below. The dark feeling pulling the foreshadowing blanket closer around the reader, almost suffocatingly so.

Eva switches back to her usual humorous self just as easily as ever, making fun of the media and their reference to ‘villainy’ and pointing out that Logan had no intentions of such things… at least not with the weather as it was… Why is that so amusing? Well, here is a man who is willing to kill, topple multi-million companies, go toe to toe with a superhero… sitting at home in his jammies and sipping tea… It is adorably hilarious! It also humanizes Logan. His usual cold harsh calculating demeanor is stripped away. We see, perhaps for the first time, the /real/ Logan; just relaxing at home. Its... nice... comforting...

TOO BAD ITS ALL ABOUT TO BE RUINED!!!!

Within the next para my suspicions are confirmed. “Since Logan was, per definitionem, a human, it should not be surprising that he was unwinding at home at a day such as this. In a fluffy sweater falling over his hands and hips, wool socks pulled over the hem of his sweatpants, curled up with a mug of cocoa in a nest of pillows at his window” (Whatwashernameagain). Granted I already knew this was coming because I’ve read it, but it doesn’t make the imagery of this big bad villain in an oversized sweater any less adorable. If you aren’t aware of this already… I love Logan so much T.T. It doesn’t help that Eva adds to the adorable image with an italicized ‘No one must ever know.’ I’d bet a certain amount of money that Remy has feeds of Logan lounging around in his comfy wear and cocoa watching Disney movies (to criticize how illogical certain actions are both physically and mentally, of course… no other reasons… at all) that he keeps in a secure folder for whenever he needs a pick me up and shows them to Logan whenever he just wants to mess with the villain. But the italicized thought lends to the fact that once again Logan is no doubt ashamed of his humanity and wishes to keep it hidden, away from the world... away from himself. Sure its mostly for image purposes but in the end, he is not someone who takes to his human side lightly.

Going back to the story… A knock at the door?! -gasp- Who could it be?! Once again, I love Eva’s imagery; “He barely heard the knock on his door over the growling akin to boulders sliding against each other and the pitter-patter against his window” (Whatwashernameagain). She doesn’t stretch so far to make the reader work to see the image she’s painting but just far enough that they are unique yet manageable. I’m not going to go back into the psychoanalysis for the rain but I will say that bringing it up here is a fantastic way to connect the foreshadowing in the first paragraph I’ve mentioned to the one we are on currently, bringing us full circle and signaling that whatever turmoil is meant for Logan begins here. It is also nice because it allows the mood to change so easily from humor to seriousness once more… Though… discovering Remus is an ACTUAL lizard made me squeal a bit. That was such a sweet and adorable nod to the character that I can’t even be upset that he’s not a bigger part of the story… He’s a freaking lizard!!! I love it!!!!

We see Logan freeze and follow his train of thought as he approaches the door cautiously. We see apart of him that we’ve known is there but haven’t really experienced. Logan has been calculating and cold throughout the story, only taking risks where the benefit outweighed the danger but now… now we see his paranoia…. His isolation. He mentions that no one knew his address and even his neighbors stayed away due to his intimidation and cool manners. He calls his home a ‘fort of solitude’ (no doubt a play on Superman’s Fortress of Solitude but that’s a-whole-nother thing I’m not gonna get into), something he had cultivated carefully, and the very reason he wares the mask that he apparently finds ridiculous. But it also shows us how little he interacts with the outside world... the fact that he has no one. His only friend is a computer he created himself. It lends to the loneliness I’ve mentioned before. The lack of companionship and friends... Logan is utterly and completely alone. Its almost heartbreaking.

This is the only place he feels safe. The only place he can be himself. Sure, he doesn’t change himself too much when he is out being the Utilitarianist but… this is different. He doesn’t have to hide behind anything there. He can just sit back and relax, try not to be reminded of all that is wrong with the world. He can just be… him. Which honestly… is surprisingly difficult for most people to achieve and he has it… right there. With his comfy sweater and favorite cocoa… Except… now he has to worry about whoever is on the other side of the door, invading his only place of safety.

The symbology is here too, though most would overlook it. Logan’s home could symbolize himself, considering, in essence, a person’s home is exactly as I described: a place they could be their true selves and relax. Its so personal and private. His home which he has built to be the foundation of his work… of himself, is now being invaded by an outside source and throwing everything off balance. This outside source being The Dreamer. The catch is… this isn’t the first time this has happened… though it is the first time it physically has.

Roman has invaded Logan’s thoughts and processes long before he showed up at the villain’s door. He has thrown Logan way off, forcing him to feel things, to argue with him, to aim for things he shouldn’t want. Roman has forced Logan out of his comfort zone mentally a number of different times and for any individual that can be upsetting but for someone who is unaccustomed to regular emotions…how prides themselves in their control... it can be earthshattering. Logan who already sees a hope in Roman, a light, that he doesn’t want to want and yet does; Logan who is being betrayed by his human side, despite being driven by logic, has been invaded by a presence he never asked for… by Roman himself and the worst part is… The hero has no idea whatsoever…He’s like penicillin... A fungi Logan never wanted and yet can heal so many things if he would just let it but the risk is way too great... The chances of the fungi growing out of control and destroying everything Logan is is far too great... and now… Now, Roman is there… physically invading Logan’s sanctuary; no doubt stirring up all these unwanted feelings once more. The fear is no doubt the worst though… Logan hasn’t calculated Roman knowing who he is, where he was… He hasn’t calculated any of this. Suddenly Logan’s foundation, his safety net, his computer like calculations have failed him… Everything is crumbling with fear and its only been a microsecond. Could you possibly imagine how terrifying that could be?

With the state of terror Logan no doubt feels, it is no wonder that the villain bolts away from the door and brandishes a weapon. Its as if he’s attempting to put as much distance between them both physically and mentally as possible. This is no doubt a fight or flight type of response for Logan which is such a human reaction, driven by his fear rather than logic which no doubt annoys the man even more.

Eva goes on to describe an interaction between Logan and the Supercomputer which brings to light a bit more about Logan’s reactions and Remy’s motives. We see Logan slowly returning to his more logical demeanor, obviously beginning to gain the upper hand in his battle against his instincts. He questions Remy about how Roman managed to get to the front door as he does his best to remain calm, reminding the reader, and no doubt himself, that he was trained in a number of martial arts. Which honestly, I love the idea of seeing our precious nerd in white robes throwing punches or kicks around a room… He’s just so… adorable I love it! Remy responds with his usual sass ‘not even considering lowering his volume’, which only brings our attention back to the turmoil Logan is no doubt going through (a freezing rain storm you might say). The words about Remy’s volume and the cringe Logan offers at the thought of the door being busted in only cements the villain’s terrified state. The conversation goes on, Remy with his usual sass and Logan in his frustrated trepidation.

Remy finally admits why the hero is there and Logan stands dumbfounded at discovering that Roman is injured, hurrying back to the window to peak out and get a good look at the other man. Why would his enemy come to him? Why would Roman show up injured unless it was some sort of trap or game plan Logan hadn’t thought of... no doubt, all of these questions are running through the man’s mind.

“The Dreamer was still there, leaning against the side of the building in the middle of the freezing rain, drenched to the bone. His head was lowered as if he were close to losing consciousness” (Whatwashernameagain). There is so much to be said here… ugh… okay… first lets touch on Roman…

****CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS****

Roman is standing hunched over, the image weakness, and obviously about to pass out. This could symbolize a lot of things from the state of our planet, to the political climate in America. In Chapter 2 we learn a lot about how he was mistreated and abused but this… this is another sense of foreshadowing. Here the shining hope of the world is drenched in the rain, huddled and shivering, nothing that he is supposed to be. The symbolism alone hurts.

The symbol of hope in the world is dying. Roman is not just a man. He is THE Dreamer… Without him the world would be lightless… darkness everywhere… no one and nothing to look up to. Now, I realize that Eva probably wasn’t going for this but… I really need to because its beautiful. The Dreamer, is broken, battered and bruised, used by the people who were meant to help him, mold him to save the world, to make the world a better place. The very same people that promised him they’d achieve his dream together. What could this possibly symbolize? Well, a lot of things really… Consider this… The state of America right now… politicians promising to make America Great Again, making people believe that everything was going to get better… but then they sew hate for one another, invite discourse and rage… threaten war with other countries, all in the name of ‘the people’ leaving the country in the same state Roman currently is: Battered, bruised and thoroughly used.

If that symbol wasn’t good enough you could always look at the state of the planet… The planet providing us with everything she has, food, water, shelter… and humanity cutting down the rainforest, killing off species, polluting waters, slaughtering animals for money… don’t get me started on the sharks in china… or the elephants in Africa… I think I need to switch the subject again sorry… But it /is/ a good example… And if Roman is on the doorstep to Logan’s home… He probably has realized the fissures he’s caused in society and that Logan may be his only chance. Logan is all he has to turn to, just like the planet has no one but us to try and care for it.

Here Roman sits, bleeding out… The symbol of the people… the same people (though not all of them of course) who would see him exploited and abused, tortured and experimented on for their own gain… The symbol of hope which is dimming due to the very people he is meant to shine for… In the same sense humanity destroys the ecosystem around them and yet demands more from it. We poison our water, ourselves… the land you name it; all in the name of bettering ourselves… Roman does the same. He pushes himself to be better for the world… do better for the world… but as he does, he’s sowing the seeds for the rich, killing himself in the process… All because he was willing to give too much. His intentions are so pure and yet the results are so horrible; and the public is completely fooled. He is what can happen without change.

The analogies I used may be a bit confusing I apologize it is very late and I’m very tired, but I hope I got it across. Roman’s symbolization of both the American political climate and/or the environmental war we live in today is just so moving to me that I don’t know how to put it into words.

***END OF CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS***

Here Roman sits, on the doorstep of his archenemy the last man you’d expect him to turn to, needing help. The light is gone. There is no hope… The hope that had been there is now washed away with the rain… the only thing left is a man… a man wounded and alone… There is no Dreamer here, not right now… And without Logan there is no hope for him.

The change from Roman being Logan’s sense of hope, his source of emotions, to Logan now carrying the torch is so drastic and sudden it sends the reader reeling beautifully. Here stands a man who wanted nothing to do with any of the feelings Roman causes, is now forced to carry it all, and so suddenly… Logan is now Roman’s hope... his lifeline.. The roles have been reversed... It makes for quite the anti-hero. And Eva managed all of this with just a single sentence (“The Dreamer was still there, leaning against the side of the building in the middle of the freezing rain, drenched to the bone. His head was lowered as if he were close to losing consciousness” (Whatwashernameagain).) If that isn’t talent, then I don’t know what is.

Directly after this line, we get to see Logan’s reaction: “Utterly foregoing any logical deliberation for perhaps the first time in his life, Logan ripped the door open” (Whatwashernameagain). This is another fantastic line. Why? Because we get to see more of the real Logan that he tries to push away and pretend doesn’t exist. You see, as the Utilitarianist, Logan doesn’t think about ‘the individual’ that’s not what he’s supposed to focus on. Logan is supposed to focus on what would do the most good for the most people. He doesn’t sweat the small stuff. It is another one of those stark contrasts between he and Roman. Roman is all about the individual; taking down bad guys left and right, caring about each individual rescue. Here though… Logan has forgotten himself to his human ego once more. He has thrown his safety blanket, the very thing he defines himself, his logic, to the wind. This is another great foreshadowing tool (though I’m only guessing its foreshadowing). Logan has stripped himself of, what he feels like, is his only defining feature. Without his logic, what is Logan? He is just a man, isn’t he? Or is it possible that he is something else entirely? Something more than just a man; something less than one? I’m not talking about super heroes or supervillains. I mean identifying himself as a person. Roman has now pushed Logan to be something, or someone Logan had never considered, had never been brave enough to consider. Could it be that with Roman’s help he’ll turn into Logan 2.0. That is not to say that O.G. Logan was bad or by any means lessor but Logan 2.0… Well, he’s already learning to be the beacon of hope for Roman… and now he has thrown his logic out the window? Perhaps they will do a number on each other? Oh… eh… I mean… on each other’s personalities and ethics…. Yeah… ethics…

Getting back to the story!

Roman takes in the sight of Logan above him, a bit startled as he does so. After everything Roman’s been through that is not surprising… He also has taken quite a risk coming to the villain. He is injured and no doubt would make an easy target if Logan so chose, but the thing about Roman is hope, just as I’ve been saying (am I a broken record yet?). We’ve learned that Roman has a naive sense of positivity in everything he does… I mean… he’s named himself The Dreamer, after all… There is no reason he shouldn’t have it in this as well. Alone, wounded, and at the mercy of whoever he turns to, Roman chose Logan… The Utilitarianist, to save him; clinging to his hope that the good he has seen in this man, the man who has saved him once before with no foreseeable ulterior motive, is real. And for a moment, seeing Logan hovering over him, blade in hand, he probably doubted himself. But… the thing is… If Roman truly believed Logan would hurt him, he would fight in this instant… Roman may be injured and hopeless but from what we’ve learned about him he’s not a quitter… No, he trusts his hope… his heart… He truly believes Logan is a good man and that is cemented and proven by his reaction: “He was looking up at him like a drowned, frightened cat, caramel hair sticking to his ashen face, none of his usual latino-tan to be seen... Logan had never seen him look this beaten. His usually bright green eyes blinked up at him through rain-soaked lashes, apparently barely able to focus on him. He looked dazed” (Whatwashernameagain).

Again, Eva is wonderful with her similes ‘like a drowned, frightened cat’. It’s the use of literary devices like these that help breath life into a scene. While the reader could no doubt visualize Roman’s wounded stature, the expression is something that is a bit harder to describe so it’s the use of things like similes that really aide the author when used correctly and I truly do love the image of the big sullen eyes on Roman’s face… just beautiful.

Logan is the first to speak. What would you say in a situation like this? No one would really know until they were put into a situation like this… though I feel as if Eva grasped that really well hen Logan asks what sounds like a stupid question. He asks if Roman was drugged; not an ‘are you alright’ or ‘what happened’ because in reality most of us probably wouldn’t respond in such a manner as that if the person we thought hated us appeared on our doorstep bleeding. No, Logan asked the first thing that came to his mind, humanizing him even more. It was quite lovely; a perfect response.

“The Dreamer swallowed visibly, apparently unable to form words. His wide eyes were wet with tears – washed away before they had a chance to fall. Fear was an unfamiliar look on his attractive face, yet it was clear in the bright flashes of lightning that he was afraid. He looked up at Logan, trembling with exhaustion and pain. His features twisted as he tried to hold back a sob that seemed painful on his torso” (Whatwashernameagain).

This must be even more shocking for Logan…. Logan who doesn’t work with emotion… Logan who doesn’t socialize outside of his work, Remy, and his online source… Logan who detests the very idea of intense emotional outburst is now faced with his archenemy’s tears… Roman is crying! The Dreamer is crying! And while we realize that the superhero is broken (as does Roman if the tears are anything to go by; finding that his own dreams are shattered; he is now broken inside and out), that hope is fading, this is perhaps the first time the realization really strikes Logan. The fear in his rival’s features, the exhaustion and pain… that sob! None of these things are things Logan is accustomed to handling, none of these things are things that he is prepared to deal with especially coming from a man he admires and respects (though he’d never admit it). So, not only is the villain, no doubt terrified, but now he is no doubt concerned, filled with worry, and doubt. He has not had to comfort someone before... Medically he can no doubt handle this situation but... dealing with Roman’s emotions... Its way out of his comfort zone, especially when he’s barely able to handle his own at the moment.

Roman apologizes explaining that he didn’t know where else to turn (which honestly eliminates the idea I had that his ‘sidekick’ had figured out where Logan lived and led Roman there to be saved); reinforcing the idea that Roman’s hope is what led him to the villain. He then collapsing, Logan hurrying forward to catch the man, discarding his weapon in the process; his weapon his only real defense against the man… the only barrier between the two of them, keeping them in their rightful places: Roman as a hero, Logan as a villain. And yet… now they sit, huddled in the ran on the steps of his home, nothing to divide them. There is no logic here… no place for it. They’re on the same side now… Their own. Everything Logan has been so adamant about is gone in this moment... The lines drawn by society have disappeared.

“’Oh no no no.’ Logan muttered, carefully cradling the back of the man’s head in his palm as he examined him” (Whatwashernameagain). Logan takes such care in handling this man, the man he’s supposed to despise… the ‘thorn in his shoe’; already showing signs of the changes we will no doubt get to witness in the coming chapters. He cradles him as if he is fragile, because at the moment he is… he’s barely hanging on and Logan is going to put that big sexy brain of his to work to figure out how to avoid this. Logan lifts the larger man off the ground to carry him inside no doubt but something Eva writes catches my attention:

“[Logan] had been careful to keep his emotional distance from this man as much as he possibly could, but as he looked down at his pained, helpless face, he could not think of him as anyone but Roman” (Whatwashernameagain).

I think this is the best way she could have ended this chapter. She brings us full circle into what Logan is meant to be and what he is not. She brings to light his struggle when it comes to emotions and the desire to be rid of them… of the suppression towards them when it involves Roman. The same desire and suppression we saw at the beginning of the chapter and now the character development we see in him now. He is throwing his logic out the window to care for his only friend… though he has not quite realized that he is his only friend… We feel his desperation, his need, to save Roman… and while he carries Roman over his shoulder into safety… he carries the very hope he has yearned for… both physically and metaphorically… The hope he has never wanted to be and yet... is forced to be now...

Thank you so much for baring with me through all my sporadic and eccentric rambling. I really hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much to Whatwashernameagain for writing such an amazing piece and reblogging my work. I love reading your reactions!

This is the end of Chapter 1. I plan on writing Chapter 2 as soon as possible, but with the holidays and finals coming up it may be a bit; so, stay tuned!

I’d love to hear from you guys so drop me a message or an ask, or even a comment!

I love you all!

Until next time!

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Utilitarianism.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/utilitarianism.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 1.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/187581477262/the-dreamer-chapter-1.

#The Dreamer #villain!logan #hero!Roman #Sanders sides #logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #logan/roman #roman/logan #analysis #reader response #reaction #fanfication #whatwashernameagain

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haikyuu-philia · 5 years ago

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SHIPWEEK - DAY 7

We’ve reached the last day of ShipWeek! I’m so happy and sad at the same time because I really loved writing these oneshots for you T.T But before we really finish it, enjoy the last ship for this time: IwaOi in combination with a dancing theme!

This topic was suggested by @allmysecretobsessions - Thanks for that (^o^)

As usual, angst can be found at @how-to-voleebol as mine is the fluff one!

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Desired Dance | Iwaizumi x Oikawa

(1000 words)

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„Ladies and gentleman, please grab your partner and make your way to the dance floor. It’s time for the couples’ dance!“

Iwaizumi nearly suffocated as he choked on his water. Especially after he had seen the look in Oikawa’s eyes. Everywhere around them boys and girls were standing up to prepare for the romantic song that was about to start. A walzer or discofox. Definitely something they would have to stand close to each other for.

And he would be one of them.

But he wouldn’t dance with some girl from his grade, just like everyone expected it to happen. His dance partner ended up being nobody less than his childhood friend himself.

Not because of a stupid bet he had lost, because of his many other reasons. Well, a bet had been involved as well, but this wasn’t the point now.

Facing his fortune Iwaizumi finally stood up and stopped next to Oikawa, who was glaring at him in the most challenging way. As he hadn’t expected him to really make a move.

„Come on, idiot. I thought you wanted to dance,“ the former ace of Seijou said as he avoided eye contact.

His boyfriend had waited so long for prom to happen: He had prepared matching suits, had choreographed a dance for them, had struggles with not spitting about anything and all that kind of stuff.

Iwaizumi loved how determined he had been about every tiny detail - Normally it wasn’t his thing to present affection in public. On the other hand he somehow wanted to reward Tooru for everything he had done for him since they were young.

So he grabbed his hand after a few seconds of silence to guide the younger one to the stage. It took him some energy not to accidentally death stare anybody around.

With his usually grumpy face he found a free spot between all the couples, that were either chuckling or just starring at each other. He could feel Oikawa’s joy without even looking at him. It made his heart flutter.

Luckily the room was darkened, which caused that no one had the opportunity to see his reddening cheeks as his boyfriend pulled him closer. Due to being the taller one, he had insisted to be the man during the dance - Annoying.

Him, the practically more manly one, the arm-wrestle champion, dancing the girl-part? Heck yeah, he was about to do that. Only god knew how his alien loving boyfriend had convinced him.

Despite the fact that about twenty other pairs shared the dance floor with them, nearly all eyes were on them. The music started to play and everyone realised that this wasn’t some idiotic joke. That Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime from the volleyball club actually were a couple.

Some people mumbled, some were in awe, some might be planning a murder now. But he couldn’t care less.

Since they hadn’t really practiced the classic dance, he was more focused on not making a complete fool out of himself.

„I can’t believe that we are dancing the couples’ dance at Prom together, Iwa-chan!“ His partner sparkled and beamed a big smile at him.

Again, many thanks to the person that had decided to turn down the lights in here!

Lowering his head, but grabbing tighter onto the other man, Iwaizumi whispered: „Just shut up and dance with me!“

Right. Left. Tap. Right. Left. Tap. Right. Left. Tap.

Over and over again he followed the same steps that he might or might not have secretly rehearsed in his room a thousand times. Once they had found their rhythm they danced more smoothly as they both lost the stiffness in their bodies.

Then the music stopped playing out of a sudden.

„Could someone get these homos of the stage? We are trying to enjoy the couples dancing and not to throw up over here.“

The words echoed through the hall and after facing the man at the mic, everyone was starring at them. It could have been an illusion, but he would swear that he had seen disgust in some of their eyes.

Alright, Iwaizumi was this close to killing someone. Right here and now. He didn’t care about someone insulting him - It was the mere idea of that guy to destroy Tooru’s magic moment. The moment he had made preparations for within the last six months.

Before he could say a word, another song filled the room. It took him exactly one second to recognise the melody.

In synch Oikawa and him turned around to meet the smiling faces of their friends; Hanamaki and Matsukawa. They didn’t know how, but these two had connected their own phones to the speakers, that blasted the beat.

Immediately the couple exchanged a glance to decide what to do without speaking. There wasn’t a real choice since the competitive boys were in the mood to kick some asses.

The song reached its refrain. And their showtime started.

Instead of playing volleyball they had used the gym to practice dancing after they had retired from the club. Coincidentally Iwaizumi had already spoken out the music’s title without being aware of it: Shut up and dance with me.

But their version replaced every ‚woman‘ with ‚hot guy‘.

Moving their bodies to the rhythm while following the choreography, they nailed the dance. Passioned glances in combination with some pretty awesome circling hips made it even hotter to watch. It wouldn’t have been a surprise, if someone in the audience had fainted.

The last note was played as they finished the routine in a tight hug. For the second time that night they didn’t need any verbal communication to activate their final weapon.

Oikawa leaned in to kiss Iwaizumi straight on the lips, which he answered with his hands holding onto his boyfriend’s back of the head.

Panting a little they made their way off stage to high-five with their former teammates.

No one will ever be able to forget these three minutes of Prom.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq #hq!!#haikyuu writing #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu fluff #Iwaizumi Hajime #haikyuu iwaizumi #oikawa tooru #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa tōru #oikawa x iwaizumi #oiiwa #iwaoi #iwaoi fic #haikyuu fanfiction

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buckybarnesss · 5 years ago

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lyrawhite replied to your post: lyrawhite replied to your post: ...

They fucked with House Baratheon so much. I’ll be forever bitter over the fact Bran ended up being king instead of Gendry, who in fact had a claim to the throne. Anyone would be a better choice than Bran. The night king was right all along about destroying humanity. Oh well T.T

I’m not so sure I wanted Gendry to become King. He wouldn’t want it. With the right advisors? I imagine he’d be a decent king and there is some poetic sense of justice in Robert’s true son becoming king, but I’ve always been content with him getting Storm’s End if anything.

It should’ve been brought up though. Gendry had a claim to the throne on par with Jon’s if not greater than at the time. Robert had taken it by conquest. I guess, Daenerys had also taken it by conquest and by virtue of Jon being her closet living realtive he’d be next in line. But if Jon abdicated his claim or as we see he’s sent to the Wall being stripped of titles and ability to claim them than that actually leaves Gendry once again the last closest living person that could claim the throne by right of either Baratheon or Targaryen blood.

In truth, I wanted Jon to become King. It made the most sense to me and seemed to be where the story was leading. Jon taking up the crown to help rebuild the country not even just because it’s his brith right as a Targareyn but just because Jon is Jon and I thought he’d be a pretty good king.

Both Gendry and Jon would be the most relucant to take the job.

#lyrawhite #my blog #poor gendry tbh #got

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jflashandclash · 6 years ago

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Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Forty-Four: Reyna

I Ride a Cat into Battle[1]

Seeing her comrades almost overwhelmed made Reyna’s throat constrict. For a moment, Reyna remembered her old nightmares, about the earth overtaking New Rome and the villas and temples of her bloved home crumbling. When Axel punched through the earth that the Plague Bringer’s voice had weakened and she saw the destruction of Camp Half-Blood, Reyna had to wonder if this was Percy’s version of that nightmare.

While riding on the green avatar’s shoulders, she could tell Thalia and Calex had tensed at the sight of the camp. Despite seeing Kaos and everything else they had been through, she wondered if either of them was prepared to see their home in rubble. From their height advantage, they could see everything.

When Reyna saw her scattered troops succumbing to the chaos here, she had to hope Calex and Thalia could stick to their plan as they and Euna had hopped off.

Now, after calling out to her troops and commanding they keep their resolve, she couldn’t think about Euna’s, Thalia’s, or Calex’s fight. She had to focus on her own.

“Hold on,” the two-toned voice of Axel and the goddess said.

Reyna wanted to hang on to the avatar’s neck for stability, but couldn’t. She needed to keep in sight of the Romans. She had mustered what was left of her strength and courage to spread it to the others below. Her tattoo burned. They needed to see her as a symbol of power and hope.

Instead, she crouched, clutching on to the wide collared necklace that stretched across the avatar’s shoulders.

Axel—Reyna decided she had to think of the female avatar as Axel still and no one else—lunged a step forward. She dug her fingers into the jewelry, feeling the rush of air whip her hair and cloak about. Despite the size, Axel pounced with the same agility that he normally did. Only, this time, he smashed a line of ghosts that were descending on her troops in the strawberry field.

A cheer started from below.

“Thank the gods! It’s on our side!” one Roman called.

A relieved smile touched Reyna’s lips when she saw Hazel with a handful of Romans.

“Praetor Reyna has a new pet!” another laughed.

Reyna wondered if they would have the same enthusiasm had they known the Leonis Caput was inside.

She also wondered if Axel would appreciate being called her pet.

“I am no one’s pet,” Axel and the goddess said. The goddess continued with a savage grin in her tone, “Though, I do enjoy hunting a nest of mice.”

Axel leaned down, making Reyna brace again. He wracked the massive saber-like claws through the next line of ghosts. The glowing green blades shredded through the ground and destroyed a dozen ghouls along the way.

“Romans! To the barracks! We regroup now to make a defense!” she called.

The Romans rallied by Axel’s feet, following the order with continued cheer. Between the reinforcements and her imbuing them with hope and courage, the Romans quickly turned the tide in the mayhem.

A piercing whistle echoed throughout the camp. Two figures, looking like distant comets, blurred across the camp’s boundary line. Reyna almost shouted a warning into Axel’s ear until one of the approaching figures slowed down enough for Hazel to throw her arms up around it.

Arion—her amazing horse—had arrived. Hazel mounted and she and Arion crossed the battle field to help a rather groggy-looking bear fend off several ghouls.

Axel took a careful step forward, toward the barracks. With another sweep, he slashed a dozen more ghosts. The distance to the barracks, which had seemed so far and bulging with violent spirits, now looked easier than one of Frank’s training exercises.

Although Reyna had been skeptical to accept help from the foreign goddess whose avatar Axel wielded (especially considering Axel was typically paranoid and hateful towards any gods—he had trusted this one with suspicious ease)[2] Reyna had to admit she liked the Egyptian cat goddess’ style. Slapping enemies into oblivion? A+

Another cry of joy erupted from below as the troops by the barracks met up with the stragglers from the strawberry field.

Before they got too distracted by their minor victory, Reyna shouted, “ORBEM FORMATE!” Her troops followed instruction, the archers forming a line behind the loose circle of infantry. There must have been one or two Greeks down there, as some of her soldiers shoved a confused demigod into the proper formation.

Somewhere down below, she heard a scream of rage.

About twenty feet away, the goddess of Ghosts, Melinoe, stumbled to her feet. Whatever ghost she had mimicked now melted away to reveal her creepy half-charred corpse, half-mummy body. Axel must have swept her aside without realizing he’d even tossed a goddess.

At Melinoe’s cry, the chaotic mess of ghosts formed a line near her. They stumbled away from the rest of the Greek encampment, flooding towards Reyna’s troops.

Further in the distance, Reyna heard a squawk-like squeal from one of the giants battling on the edge of the strawberry field.

“I need to help my brother,” Axel said, “I cannot sustain this form much longer.”

Despite his size, Reyna could hear a tremor in his voice. Axel might have been nervous—he hadn’t been around Pax much since Axel had almost killed his little brother. Or, maybe, this form took more energy out of him than he let on.

Reyna sucked in a breath. She would be fighting the ghost of her father again. Melinoe would inevitably call upon him, or turn into him; she wasn’t sure what the goddess’ power entailed. But, she would rather it be her burden than that of her troops. At least she’d faced down her father before. She could do it again.

“Go,” she said, “We can show them the skill of New Rome.”

One of his hands—almost the size of her body—lifted to her foot height. Reyna jumped onto it, grabbing hold as he knelt and gently lowered her to the ground.[3] Her archers covered their movement, taking out a few scattered ghouls that were making their way over. With his free hand, Axel flicked another one, sending the ghoul flying through the air.

Once Reyna stepped off, he used a finger to gently caressed her cheek—quite alarming considering any mishap in pressure could decapitate her or knock her over in front of all of her troops. Plus, the avatar’s giant cat head made the interaction really weird. She was scared Axel would pick her up and lick her, a motion that might have been cute if he were normal cat size, but would just leave her in a gross, slobbery bath.

Instead, Axel rose to his feet and cracked his neck—did the avatar’s neck crack too?

“The glamour of Rome better not disappoint,” he teased.

Then he lunged towards Eris and Pax, taking out five or six ghosts with each step.

Reyna accepted a sword from Butch, one of the Greeks who had joined her troops. She turned to face the oncoming Goddess of Ghosts, watching Melinoe’s features twist into those of her father: Julian Ramírez-Arellano.

Reyna forced herself not to shake. Her troops would be nervous now that their giant cat mascot was gone. She channeled her calm and courage to the rest of them, feeling the tattoo on her forearm burn with a harsher intensity. “FOR ROME!” Reyna cried.

She and her troops charged forward.

Hey everyone! Thank you for reading! After this chapter, the battle should smooth out and be a little easier to follow. (I promised myself that I would do a big battle at the end, a la Riordan, but—uh—you might have noticed I’m shaky writing them T.T) Thank you for your patience with it and I hope you’ve enjoyed regardless! I hope everyone is enjoying summer break :D Stay tuned next week for Euna’s chapter, A Dream Catcher Would Have Been Easier.

Footnotes:

[1] Meow?

[2] Mel betacomment, “What? Can he say it’s a cat thing? XD” Jack response, “Cats know to be suspicious of each other. The ones that don’t get side-tackled. Why do you think cat owners are so paranoid?”

[3] Mel betacomment, “AWWW! What a gentleman!

Thalia, in the distance, “COULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT FOR US CAT BREATH!”

Jack response,

Calex, “Thalia! Quiet! They’re having a moment!”

#Heroes of Olympus #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Traitors of Olympus #fanfiction #PJO #HOO #Reyna #Axel #Bast #Butch is one of my favorites <3 #Does dating Axel make Reyna into Furies? important questions

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dreamersscape · 6 years ago

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The Raven Cycle: A Liveblog (Part 4)

(Let’s just pretend the gap since my last installment was a much shorter and more reasonable period of time than it has actually been, shall we? I tried to make up for it with the length of this edition. Suuuuuper long post under the cut.)

Me, reading TDT’s opening quotations: Okay, yes, good. Taking things out of your dreams into the waking world. Got it.

Me, reading the last quote: ‘I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.’?

YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING OF MY PEOPLE, AUSTIN STRINDBERG. GET THEE HENCE.

‘He always returned with gifts, treasure, and unimaginable amounts of money, but to Ronan, the most wondrous thing was Niall himself. Every parting felt like it would be the last, and so every return was like a miracle.’ RONANNNNNNN. (Is it weird that it feels like Ronan is supposed to be my favorite bc he seems closest to my type and goodness knows I can relate to the grieving-a-father feels, but that’s not really the case so far? I love him dearly, but it feels like I should love him more. Weird? Not weird? I dunno.)

*carefully takes notes about the alleged details of Ronan’s birth because I know now every minor detail is actually Very Important*

‘Theoretically, Blue Sargent was probably going to kill one of these boys.’ Oh, good, it’s only a theoretical death. Glad we got that sorted out. Guess I can stop worrying about it now, right? :P

'Adam’s hand glided over her bare elbow. The touch was a whisper in a language she didn’t speak very well.’ I really like this line! Also, somewhat sadly, relateable.

'It had five tiny white buttons: four arranged in a cross shape, and one off by itself. To Blue, that fifth button was like Adam. Still working toward the same purpose as the other four. But no longer quite as close as the others.’ Oh, so we’re going to make my heart hurt over Adam Parrish in the first ten pages of the book. Fine.

'In that moment, Blue was a little in love with all of them. Their magic. Their quest. Their awfulness and strangeness. Her raven boys.’ Aw, those lines sound familiar. ;) And we’re all right there with ya, Blue.

'The dorms were emptier than they would’ve been during school term, but they were not empty.’ Whoops unrelated-to-TRC-but-nevertheless-on-brand feels ahoy.

So it’s been long enough since I read TRB that I can’t recall if I had any particular feelings about Declan then, but definitely feeling pretty sympathetic towards him now, what with his father’s seeming dismissive attitude toward him and the assault from this Gray Man. Also, have I read the word Greywaren before? Not sure.

Oh. So Ronan is the Greywaren, then. Guess that answers that.

’Mom is nothing without him’? Woooow, Declan. Wow. A bit less sympathy, now. (Maybe there’s something about their mother I don’t know yet, but still…)

’Creature was a good word for him, Ronan thought.’ Oof. He’s gonna make me eat my words, isn’t he? I already said I love you dearly, Ronan!

And now he’s gonna divert himself from his unpleasant thoughts with an external distraction. Oh good. That doesn’t mirror any of my other favorite characters at all.

'Back then, it had surprised Ronan; he hadn’t realized yet that Gansey could persuade even the sun to pause and give him the time.’ [drags a hand slowly down my face] Don’t do this to me, Maggie. Haven’t you already put me through enough with Adam and Gansey?

'His thoughtless expression was one of wonder or of pain; with Gansey they were so often the same thing.’ Well that–that’s a sentence.

’“Ronan, there’s no reason for that,” Gansey said sternly, as if Ronan had hurled a toy on the floor.’ Gonna start listing all the mom-friend!Gansey moments, 'cause I gotta.

'He laughed enough that Chainsaw abandoned her paper shredding to verify he wasn’t dying.’ This is cute, other than the implication that Ronan genuinely laughing is a all-too-rare occurrence.

’“So what you’re saying is you can’t explain it.” “I did explain it.” “No, you used nouns and verbs together in a pleasing but illogical format.”’ Hee!

I half expect tired-of-potential-and-only-being-useful-needing-something-more!Blue to break out singing ’I want much more than this provincial life/I want adventure in the great wide somewhere/I want it more than I can tell’ and I don’t say that at all in a disparaging way, that’s just what it made me think of. It’s a very understandable desire on Blue’s part.

’“Jane!” Gansey said joyfully.’ I will never tire of this. :)

'When she returned, she leaned on the table beside Adam, who touched her wrist. She didn’t know what to do in response. Touch it back? The moment had passed. She resented her body for not giving her the correct answer.’ So! Freaking! Relateable!

'Kavinsky headed directly to the large table in the back, and the postures of the other boys all changed drastically….Gansey stood, leaning against the table, and there was something threatening rather than respectful about it.’ I live a protective!Gansey appreciation life.

The Gray Man is quite a character.

Ummmm so chapter eight just hurt my soul a whole lot? Here’s a list of the culprits:

'He’d spent just two hours at the easiest of the jobs — Boyd’s Body & Paint, LLC, replacing brake pads and changing oil and finding what was making that squeaking noise there, no, there — and now, even though he was off, he was ruined for anything else. Sticky and sore and, above all else, tired, always tired.’

'The only rub was, Blue was another troubling thing. She was like Gansey in that she wanted him to explain himself. What do you want, Adam? What do you need, Adam? Want and need were words that got eaten smaller and smaller: freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless-steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes. What do you want, Adam? To feel awake when my eyes are open.’ (This hurt less than the 'to go home, to go home, to go home’ passage, but ONLY JUST.)

'He’d already seen the ignored, unopened envelope emblazoned with Aglionby Academy’s raven crest. For two days he’d been stepping over it, as if it might disappear if he failed to acknowledge it.’ (Ah, hello avoidant coping skills, my old friend.)

’[Adam] ached inside.’/'He still ached.’/'his spine aching, shoulders aching, soul aching’

'They stared at each other, both hurt.’/'He tried not to let it sound like he was still hurt, but he was, and it did.’/'She tried not to let it sound like she was hurt, but she was, and it did.’

’What do you want, Adam? He didn’t even know.’ (T.T)

'His wide eyes and gaunt face peered back at him, troubled but not unusual.’

I’m so done, he thought. No more. Please, I can’t take any more.’ (SAME.)

'The difference in tuition between this year’s and next was twenty-four hundred dollars. That number again. It couldn’t be a coincidence.’ (SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE GANSEY/ADAM TENSION/CONFLICT/FIGHTING. WHEN DO WE GET TO THE GETTING BETTER PART?)

'They couldn’t hurt Gansey. Nothing could hurt him; people who said money couldn’t buy everything hadn’t seen anyone as rich as the Aglionby boys. They were untouchable, immune to life’s troubles. Only death couldn’t be swiped away by a credit card.’ (Oh Adam honey, you don’t even knooooow. :()

Adam! Some people show and feel love through acts of service! It’s not an inherently bad thing! Concern and the desire to help are not the same thing as pity!

Also, Blue’s “Then don’t be pitiful!” response was kinda strange, even for an impulsively perturbed remark? Just felt weird.

'She was looking at the box that served as his nightstand. Somehow it had moved several feet away from the bed. The side was badly dented, its former contents scattered violently across the floor. Only now did he remember the act of kicking the box, but not the decision to kick it.’ (Crap.)

'He calmed enough to remember that if he waited long enough, carefully analyzing how it felt, the emotion would lose its inertia. It was the same as physical pain. The more he tried to mentally decide what made pain hurt, the less his brain seemed able to remember the pain at all.’

'He’d never escape, not really. Too much monster blood in him. He’d left the den, but his breeding betrayed him. And he knew why he was pitiful. It wasn’t because he had to pay for his school or because he had to work for a living. It was because he was trying to be something he could never be. The sham was pitiful.’

'Some nights he lured himself to sleep by imagining how he would word the favor for Glendower. He needed to get the words exactly right. Now he rolled phrases around his mouth, desperately reaching for one that would comfort him. Ordinarily, words would tumble and lull through his mind, but this time, all he could think was Fix me.’ (On a related note, I’m dead.)

'He had a strange, disconcerting feeling that he couldn’t trust his senses. Like he was tasting an image or smelling a feeling or touching a sound. It was the same as just a few minutes before, the idea that he’d glimpsed a slightly wrong reflection of himself. Adam’s previous worries vanished, replaced with a more immediate concern for this ragged body he was carting around in. He’d been hit so many times. He’d already lost his hearing in his left ear. Maybe something else had been destroyed on one of those tense, wretched nights.’ (*Spontaneously revives to continue worrying myself to death over Adam Parrish* WHY CAN’T I TAKE CARE OF HIM?)

'Ronan, Noah, and Gansey were at the Dollar City in Henrietta, loitering. Theoretically, they were there for batteries. Practically, they were there because both Blue and Adam had work, Ronan’s shapeless anger always got worse at night, and Dollar City was one of the few stores in Henrietta that allowed pets.’ These stupid codependent teens.

“Hello? Oh, hey,” Gansey said to the phone, touching a notebook with a handgun printed on the cover. The oh, hey was accompanied by a definite change in the timbre of his voice. That meant it was Adam’ [tries to feel the joy I deserve at this past my intense anxiety about the probable clashing over the tuition thing]

'Ronan rested his forehead on the topmost shelf. The metal edge snarled against his skull, but he didn’t move. At night, the longing for home was ceaseless and omniscient, an airborne contaminant. He saw it in Dollar City’s cheap oven mitts — that was his mother at dinnertime. He heard it in the slam of the cash register drawer — that was his father coming home at midnight. He smelled it in the sudden whiff of air freshener — that was the family trips to New York. Home was so close at night. He could be there in twenty minutes. He wanted to smash everything off these shelves.’ He and Adam both want to go hoooome and I wish I could provide that for them and turns out I am actually Gansey.

'“Glitter,” whispered Noah reverentially, giving it a shake.’ Truly Noah is their light in the darkness. I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHH.

'Farther down the aisle, Gansey suggested to the phone, “You could come stay at Monmouth. For the night.”’ Like I said. Also, I really, really wish I could hear both sides of this phone conversation.

'Sometimes Ronan thought Adam was so used to the right way being painful that he doubted any path that didn’t come with agony.’ I mean, fair. And heartbreaking.

'Gansey’s back was turned to them. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Ramirez? I didn’t talk to anyone at the church. Yes, twenty-four hundred dollars. I know that part. I —”’ Oh no. It’s happening.

'But one of the marvelous things about being Ronan Lynch was that no one ever expected him to do anything nice for anyone.’ I would hug you Ronan, except there is now more Adam 'n’ Gansey friction and I’m really bad at handling it!

'Abruptly, Ronan’s entire body went cold. Not a little chilly, but utterly cold. The sort of cold that dries the mouth and slows the blood. His toes went numb, and then his fingers….Then Noah reappeared in a violent sputter, like the power crackling back on. His fingers clutched Ronan’s arm. Cold seeped from the point of contact as Noah dragged heat to become visible.’ Oh, so Noah can do that with Ronan too? Because of his greywaren-ness?

'“I lost …” Noah struggled for words. “There wasn’t air. It went away. The — the line!” “The ley line?” Gansey asked. Noah nodded once, a sloppy thing that was sort of a shrug at the same time. “There was nothing … left for me.”’ Not allowed. Just saying.

'He didn’t say, Or maybe something terrible happened to Adam that day he sacrificed himself in Cabeswater. Maybe he’s messed up all of Henrietta by waking up the ley line. Because they couldn’t talk about that. Just like they couldn’t talk about Adam stealing the Camaro that night. Or about him basically doing everything Gansey had asked him not to. If Adam was stupid about his pride, Gansey was stupid about Adam.’ Yes, we know. :)

'From Ronan’s room, he heard Noah’s laugh. He and Ronan were throwing various objects from the second-story window to the parking lot below. There was a terrific crash.’ Having witnessed my younger brother doing basically the same thing once, I can vouch for the authenticity of this teenage-boy activity.

'Once, he had dreamt that he found Glendower. It wasn’t the actual finding, but the day after. He wouldn’t forget the sensation of the dream. It hadn’t been joy, but instead, the absence of pain. He couldn’t forget that lightness. The freedom.’ Yeah, don’t we all dream about the absence of pain. *buries face in hands* OH GANSEY BOY.

’“Do you want me to talk to her?” This was something he definitely, 100 percent felt certain in his guts that he had no interest in doing. “I’m really bad at talking, Gansey,” Adam said earnestly. “And you’re really good at it. Maybe — maybe if it just comes up natural?” Gansey’s shoulders collapsed; his breath fogged the glass and vanished. “Of course.” “Thanks.” Adam paused. “I just want something to be simple.” So do I, Adam. So do I.’ This right here? This A Whoooole Lot. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for Adam if he asked, Gansey?

'Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, “He threw me out the window!” Ronan’s voice sang out from behind his closed door: “You’re already dead!”’ OH. MY. GOODNESS.

’"You should come over.” “Not tonight,” replied Adam. I’m losing him, Gansey thought. I’m losing him to Cabeswater. He had thought that by staying away from the forest, he’d keep the old Adam — put off the consequences of whatever had happened that night when everything started to go awry. But maybe it just didn’t matter. Cabeswater would take him regardless.’ I dream of the absence of pain!!!

'His skin shivered and crawled, and he realized it was crawling with hornets, the ones that had killed Gansey all those years ago. There weren’t many this time, only a few hundred. Sometimes he dreamt cars full of them, houses full of them, worlds full of them. Sometimes these hornets killed Ronan, too, in his dreams.’ Oh, Ronan.

’Arbores loqui latine. The trees speak Latin. “You’ve done this before,” she said. Time was a circle, a rut, a worn tape Ronan never tired of playing.’ Huh. Has Ronan been dreaming of Cabeswater for years and years?

'Curled on the mattress, [Adam] covered his face with his summer-hot arm. Sometimes, if he blocked his mouth and nose, just this side of suffocation, sleep would overthrow him.’ THAT DOESN’T SOUND HEALTHY, MY BOY. :(

'He was awake enough to think of the invitation from Gansey. There might be an internship in there. Adam knew it was a favor. Did that make it wrong? He’d said no for so long that he didn’t know when to say yes….He hated the careful way Gansey had asked him about it. Tiptoeing, just like Adam had learned to tiptoe around his father. He needed a reset button. Just push the reset button on Adam Parrish and start him again.’ I am sad. (But maaaaybe he’s starting to reconsider the idea that he can never accept hep of any kind?)

'After he had exhausted this line of thought, Ronan gave in to the brief privilege of hating himself, as he always did in church. There was something satisfying about acknowledging this hatred, something relieving about this little present he allowed himself each Sunday.’ Oh, Ronan.

'“Hey, pal,” Matthew whispered. He was the only person who could get away with calling Ronan pal.’ Awww. :)

'Matthew Lynch was a bear of a boy, square and solid and earnest. His head was covered with soft, golden curls completely unlike any of his other family members. And in his case, the perfect Lynch teeth were framed by an easy, dimpled smile. He had two brands of smile: the one that was preceded by a shy dip of his chin, a dimple, and then BAM, smile. And the one that teased for a moment before BAM, an infectious laugh. Females of all ages called him adorable. Males of all ages called him buddy. Matthew failed at many more things than either of his older brothers, but unlike Declan or Ronan, he always tried his hardest.’ Whoops, I’m attached.

'Ronan had dreamt one thousand nightmares about something happening to him.’ *rubs heart*

'A lady reached over the top of Noah to pat Matthew’s head fondly before continuing down the aisle. She didn’t seem to care that he was fifteen, which was all right, because he didn’t, either. Both Ronan and Declan observed this interaction with the pleased expressions of parents watching their prodigy at work.’ Once again: Awww. :)

'Blue very much liked having the boys over to her house. Their presence at the house was agreeable for several different reasons….And the third reason was that it suggested permanence. Blue had acquaintances at school, people she liked. But they weren’t forever. While she was friendly with a lot of them, there was no one that she wanted to commit to for a lifetime. And she knew this was her fault. She’d never been any good at having casual friends. For Blue, there was family — which had never been about blood relation at 300 Fox Way — and then there was everyone else. When the boys came to her house, they stopped being everyone else.’ THEY’RE FAMILY NOW. <3

'Crossly, Blue realized that Gansey had now called her Jane so often that it felt strange to hear him say her real name.’ Embrace it, Blue. Embraaace it. :D

'He hid the insatiable wanting well, but now that she’d seen it once, she couldn’t stop seeing it. But he wouldn’t be able to explain it to Maura. And he would never really have to explain it to Blue. It was his something more.’ Awww. :)

(Sorry this liveblog is devolving mostly into either EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE or But this is cute! and if that is starting to become boring…)

’"What did they die of?” “Mom always said ‘meddling.’ Gansey completely forgot they were being secretive and let out a tremendous laugh. It was a powerful thing, that laugh. He only did it once, but his eyes remained shaped like it. Something inside her did a complicated tug. Oh no! she thought. But then she calmed herself. Richard C. Gansey III has a nice mouth. Now I know he has nice eyes when he laughs, too. This still isn’t love. She also thought: Adam. Remember Adam.’ 1.) I hope this line of rationalization works out for you, Blue. ;) 2.) I am still feeling torn, though. Blue and Adam are cute together. 3.) I’d be okay with a Blue-Gansey-Adam OT3 though.

'Maura frowned. In a low voice, she said, “I think I need to have a conversation with that boy.” “Someone does,” Calla replied, heading up the stairs. Each stair groaned a protest for which she punished the next with a stomp. “Not me. I’ve outgrown train wrecks.” Blue, alarmed, said, “Is he a train wreck?”| Her mother clucked her tongue. “Calla likes drama. Train wreck! When a train takes a long time to go off the tracks, I don’t like to call it a wreck. I like to call it a derailment.” From upstairs, Blue heard Calla’s delighted cackle. “I hate both of you,” Blue said as her mother laughed and galloped up the stairs to join Calla. “You’re supposed to use your powers for good, you know!” After a moment, Adam said to her, without lifting his eyes, “I could hear y’all, you know.” Blue hoped fervently that he was only talking about Maura and Calla and not about her kitchen conversation with Gansey. “Do you think you’re a train wreck?” “That would mean I was on the tracks to start with,” he replied.’ I would just like to say that I am miffed by this passage on Adam’s behalf. Thank you.

The chapter where Mr. Gray comes to 300 Fox Way was… interesting.

'Gansey, a furious sun, glowed from the other side of the universe, his gravitational pull too distant to affect Adam.’ WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME MAGGIE I CAN NEVER RECOVER.

So yeah, I just read the part where Adam is thinking back to how he and Gansey became friends and I think my heart just burst from emotional overload.

'Sometimes Adam wondered what would’ve happened if he hadn’t stopped that day. What would be happening to him right now?’ Sometimes, Allan wondered what would’ve happened if Robin hadn’t stepped out of the trees that day. What would be happening to him right now? SORRY, I HAVE A PROBLEM.

Also, it only just occurred to me that Allan and Adam are A-names and Robin and Richard (even if that’s not what Gansey goes by) are R-names. This makes me so unreasonably happy!

'Gansey was giddy now that they’d decided to go back to Cabeswater. He hated nothing more than standing still. He ordered Ronan to put on some terrible music — Ronan was always too happy to oblige in this department — and then he abused the Camaro at every stoplight on the way out of town. “Put your back into it!” Gansey shouted breathlessly. He was talking to himself, of course, or to the gearbox. “Don’t let it smell fear on you!” Blue wailed each time the engine revved up, but not unhappily. Noah played the drums on the back of Ronan’s headrest. Adam, for his part, was not wild, but he did his best not to appear unwild, so as not to ruin it for the others.’ REEELATABLLLLE!!!

'Adam felt like he was watching it all from outside. He felt like he was about to catch another image, like a flick of the tarot cards he’d looked at earlier. Was that someone standing by the side of the road? I can’t trust my eyes.’ Leave him aloooone. :(

'Gansey leaned back, head thrown to the side, drunken and silly with happiness. “I love this car,” he said, loud to be heard over the engine. “I should buy four more of them. I’ll just open the door of one to fall into the other. One can be a living room, one can be my kitchen, I’ll sleep in one …” “And the fourth? Butler’s pantry?” Blue shouted. “Don’t be so selfish. Guest room.”’ He’s adorable.

Huh. Cabeswater’s gone!

'Adam felt that the Pig’s status perfectly encapsulated how he felt. It was not really dead, just broken. He was held inside the question of what it meant for him if Cabeswater was gone. Why can’t things just be simple?’ While this is a legitimate concern, Adam, to be fair, just a few moments ago you were worrying about was going to happen when you returned to Cabeswater for the first time after your sacrifice. Poor guy’s anxious over everything. :/

'Ronan leapt out of the car and slammed the door. The thing about Ronan Lynch, Adam had discovered, was that he wouldn’t — or couldn’t — express himself with words. So every emotion had to be spelled out in some other way. A fist, a fire, a bottle. Now Cabeswater was missing and the Pig was hobbled, and he needed to go have a silent shouting fit with his body. In the back window, Adam saw Ronan pick up a rock from the side of the road and hurl it into the creeper. “Well, that’s helpful,” Blue said tersely.’ 1.) [Fond but exasperated] Oh Ronan. 2.) I appreciate your reaction, Blue. You’re not wrong.

'“I’m calling Declan,” Gansey said. “And telling him to bring a battery.” Ronan told Gansey what he thought of this plan, very precisely, with a lot of compound words that even Adam hadn’t heard before. Gansey nodded, but he also dialed Declan’s number. Afterward, he turned to Ronan, who leaned his cheek hard enough against the top of the window to make a dent in his skin.’ Please stop dealing with difficult emotions/situations by causing yourself pain, Ronan, honey.

'Gansey rounded on Adam, clutching his own headrest and looking behind him. “Why is it gone?”’ Why is my mental picture of this so endearing?

'Declan’s Volvo glided up, as quiet as the Pig was loud. Ronan said, “Move up, move up” to Blue until she scooted the passenger seat far enough for him to clamber behind it into the backseat. He hurriedly sprawled back in the seat, throwing one jean-covered leg over the top of Adam’s and laying his head in a posture of thoughtless abandon. By the time Declan arrived at the driver’s side window, Ronan looked as if he had been asleep for days.’ Oh, Ronan. What am I going to do with you?

'And as he sat there, observing the set of Declan’s shoulders and the way his eyes looked, he realized something startling. Declan was afraid. Probably it wasn’t apparent to Gansey, who was fairly oblivious, nor to Blue, who didn’t know what Declan looked like ordinarily. And Ronan’s feelings about his older brother were like blood in the water; he wouldn’t be able to see through the bilious clouds. But to Adam, who’d spent a fair amount of his life afraid — not only afraid, but trying to hide it — it was obvious.’ [Gansey voice] I am right to have Allan feels here and I will not be made to feel bad about it! (Also, in blast-from-the-past news, I’m really close to finally done with putting my anxiety-and-Allan thoughts into words and I’m excited for that.)

I love when Noah senses one of the other boys is in distress and goes to them and does his ghostly best to comfort or assist them. <3

'He thought about the day he’d been stung to death by hornets and lived anyway. Gansey ran over the memory until he no longer felt the thrill of hearing Glendower’s name whispered in his ear, and then instead gave himself over to feeling sorry for himself, that he should have so many friends and yet feel so very alone. He felt it fell to him to comfort them, but never the other way around. As it should be, he thought, abruptly angry with himself. You’ve had it the easiest. What good is all your privilege, you soft, spoiled thing, if you can’t stand on your own legs? ’ OH HONEY :( (But Noah does try!)

'“It’s not just the blood,” Ronan said. His chest moved up and down with his breath. “Something else got out, too.”’ Uh-oh.

Phew. They dispatched the nightmare creature while remaining mostly unscathed. Although they needn’t go around asking each other, "Are you murdered?” with the reply, “I think so.” anymore, please.

'“There was another one,” he said. “It got away.”’ Well, that’s not good!

'“It’s for the distasteful thing,” Gansey said. He plucked at the T-shirt with deprecating fingers. “I’m rather slovenly at the moment, I know.”’ [Fond, amused sputtering]

Oh, they’re going to the Barns!

'Gansey, a bit of the gallows in his voice, advised, “Poke its eye.”’ [Confused, taken-aback sputtering]

'“It feels the same as when you guys lived here,” Gansey said finally. “It seems like it should be different.” “Did you come here a lot?” Blue asked. He exchanged a glance with Ronan. “Often enough.” He didn’t say what Ronan was thinking, which was that Gansey was far more of a brother to Ronan than Declan had ever been.’ Brothers <3<3<3

'Ronan loved it so much. He nearly couldn’t bear it. He wanted to destroy something.’ That’s…one reaction to profound love. (Yes, I know. Profound love for something that’s been stripped away from you.)

'“Ronan Lynch,” he said. It was the voice Ronan couldn’t not listen to. It was sure in every way that Ronan was not. “Stop this right now. Go see your mother. And then we’re leaving.”’ More Mom-Friend!Gansey.

'Ronan walked directly up to her, close enough to see that she had not changed a bit since the last time he had seen her, months and months ago. Though his breath moved the fine hairs around her temples, she didn’t react to her son’s presence. Her chest rose and fell. Her eyes stayed closed. Non mortem, somni fratrem. Not death, but his brother, sleep. Blue whispered, “Just like the other animals.” The truth — he’d known it all along, really, if he thought about it — burrowed into him. Blue was right. His home was populated by things and creatures from Niall Lynch’s dreams, and his mother was just another one of them.’ Huh.

'My soul’s in enough peril as it is.” At this, Gansey’s face turned to a genuine frown and he looked as if he was about to say something. Then he just shook his head a little….“She didn’t try to see the future. It’s not something she became; it’s something she is. I could just as easily say that you’re evil because you can take things from your dreams!” Ronan said, “Yeah, you could.” Gansey’s frown deepened. Again he opened his mouth and closed it.’ Same, Gansey. Same.

'Ronan looked at him. That look, Blue thought. Ronan Lynch would do anything for Gansey. I probably would, too, she thought.’ If only he knew it. *rubs heart*

'Blue and Gansey exchanged a look. Blue’s look said, I’m so, so sorry. Gansey’s said, Am I the pretty one?’ Bless his cotton socks.

'Ronan thought of what Declan had said all those months before: Mom is nothing without Dad. He’d been right.’ Okay, but does Declan know about this stuff and how it works?

'Ronan interrupted the silence. “Cabeswater. Cabeswater is a dream.” Calla stopped rotating. “You don’t have to tell me I’m right,” Ronan said. He thought of all the times he had dreamt of Cabeswater’s old trees; how familiar it had felt to walk there; how the trees had known his name. He was tangled in their roots, somehow, and they, in his veins. “If Mom is in Cabeswater, she’ll wake up.” Calla stared at him. Silence was never a wrong answer.’ Okay then.

'But those words of Declan’s needled Ronan: She’s nothing without Dad. It was like he knew. Ronan wanted badly to know how much Declan knew, but it wasn’t like he could ask him.’ No, that would be too easy.

'“Says you and Dad were both dreamers,” Matthew said, “and you’re going to make us lose everything.” Ronan sat very still. He was so still so quickly that Chainsaw froze as well, her head tilted toward the youngest Lynch brother, purloined tuna sandwich forgotten. Declan knew about their father. Declan knew about their mother. Declan knew about him.’ Curious. Very curious.

The Gray Man is going to Monmouth Manufacturing!

'He had spent forty-eight hours more or less awake and restless and then, on the third day, he had bought a side-scan sonar device, two window airconditioners, a leather sofa, and a pool table. “Now do you feel better?” Adam had asked drily. Gansey had replied, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Hey, man,” Ronan said, “I like the pool table.” The entire situation made Blue apoplectic.’ Tag yourself; I’m Adam with a dash of Ronan. Pool tables are cool.

’"You are still wearing those incredibly stupid boat shoes, and of all the things that you have bought, you still haven’t replaced them!” Gansey, bewildered, observed his feet. The movement of his toes was barely visible through the tops of his Top-Siders. Really, in light of recent events, these shoes were the only things that were right in the world. “I like these shoes.”’ Update: he’s still adorable.

’[Gansey] exchanged a glance with Adam, because it had to be done’ 1) What does this mean? 2) I love them SO MUCH!

'In some parallel universe, there was a Gansey who could tell Blue that he found the ten inches of her bare calves far more tantalizing than the thirteen cubic feet of bare skin Orla sported. But in this universe, that was Adam’s job. } He was in a terrible mood.’ Oooooh. 👀

'So these were the people Greenmantle had warned him about. Fellow seekers of the Greywaren, whatever it might be.’ Curious and curiouser.

'Blue cheerfully spit a mouthful of brown water on his boat shoes. It pooled in the canvas over his toes. “Good God,” he said. “Now they’re really boat shoes,” she replied.’ Blue’s crusade continues.

'He knew what it was. He just didn’t know why it was. He said, “Well, that’s a wheel off the Camaro.” And it was. It looked identical to the wheels currently residing on the Pig — except this wheel was clearly several hundred years old. The discolored surface was pocked and lumpy. With all of the deterioration, the elegantly symmetrical wheel didn’t appear that out of place beside the shield boss. If you overlooked the tattered Chevrolet logo in the middle. “Do you remember losing one a little while ago?” Ronan asked. “Like, five hundred years or so?”’ Aggressively the Most Curious.

'Blue held his gaze, unflinching. Crisp, she replied, “None at all.” And it was a lie. It should not have been, but it was, and Gansey, who prized honesty above nearly every other thing, knew it when he heard it. Blue Sargent cared whether or not he was interested in Orla. She cared a lot. As she whirled toward the truck with a dismissive shake of her head, he felt a dirty sort of thrill.’ Oh, you kids.

'“Hey, Noah.” He was too busy being ghostly to attend to her, however. Currently, he was engaged in one of his creepiest activities: reenacting his own death. He glanced around the tiny yard as if appraising the forest glen containing only himself and his friend Barrington Whelk. Then he let out a terrible, mangled cry as he was struck from behind by an invisible skateboard. He made no sound when he was hit again, but his body jerked convincingly. Blue tried not to look as he bucked a few more times before falling to the ground. His head jerked; his legs bicycled. Blue took a deep, uneven breath. Though she had seen him do it four or five times now, it was always unsettling. Eleven minutes. That was how long the entire homicidal portrait lasted: one boy’s life destroyed in less time than it took to cook a hamburger. The last six minutes, the ones that took place after Noah had first fallen but before he actually died, were excruciating. Blue considered herself a fairly steadfast, sensible girl, but no matter how many times she heard his torn-up breath seizing in his throat, she felt a little teary. Between the twisted roots of the front yard, Noah’s body jerked and stilled, finally dead. Again.’ I feel w o u n d e d.

'They wandered to the door like that, a pretzel of dead boy and not-psychic girl.’ Don’t even look at me!

'Gleefully, Noah said, “There’s a pool table now! I’m the worst at pool ever! It’s wonderful.”’ THIS SWEET CHILD IS GIVING ME EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH.

'Gansey, pacing next to his ruined miniature Henrietta, set his eyes on Ronan. There was something intense and heedless in them. There were many versions of Gansey, but this one had been rare since the introduction of Adam’s taming presence. It was also Ronan’s favorite. It was the opposite of Gansey’s most public face, which was pure control enclosed in a paper-thin wrapper of academia. But this version of Gansey was Gansey the boy. This was the Gansey who bought the Camaro, the Gansey who asked Ronan to teach him to fight, the Gansey who contained every wild spark so that it wouldn’t show up in other versions. Was it the shield beneath the lake that had unleashed it? Orla’s orange bikini? The bashed-up remains of his rebuilt Henrietta and the fake IDs they’d returned to? Ronan didn’t really care. All that mattered was that something had struck the match, and Gansey was burning.’ #JusticeforMiniatureHenrietta

'“Don’t say anything stupid to him,” he told Gansey.’ Did I read that right? Did Ronan really just advise Gansey to be careful?

'The Gray Man recalled the buzz of his phone and patted his pockets. His phone was missing, however. Maura Sargent had stolen it while they were making out. In its place was the ten of swords: the Gray Man slain on the ground and Maura the sword driven through his heart.’ Interesting. Sorry that always seems to be my reaction to the Gray Man, but there it is.

#emily reads the raven cycle #status: tdt pg. 230 #jammeke #exlibrisfangirl

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kikotsukino · 7 years ago

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Digimon Tri (Final Movie)

What can I say? It’s finally the end!!! Though I felt like the ending was a bit rushed, and SOOO minimal Taichi scenes T.T

But when he DID make a come-back, that was EPIC!! And it made me love him, and my god, if it weren’t for Taichi, Agumon would have been extremely hurt because he wanted to save Meiko ... This is a SECOND time, last time she ran up to Meicoomon, Taichi have to push her aside, which ended him being separated from the team, and this time too?

I honestly don’t like Meiko on my end, at all. And I don’t ship Taichi and Meiko on my end. No offense, this is just my opinion.

I do love Hackmon/Jessmon in this final movie, because how he decided to help the Digi-Destined and believed in them (in the last minute) without having to reboot the real world, just shows him have a heart. And I love that.

I do really really love how the Digimon’s got their memory back, because that was what I didn’t like how they have to lose their precious memories with the partners, now, they got them back, and I am really happy.

If there’s one thing I didn’t like was....I didn’t like(in fact I hate it...) what Kari said to Taichi when he decided that was the right thing i.e. destroying Meicoomon once in for all, I mean, even Yamato finally agrees with Taichi it’s the right choice. But Kari telling Taichi after everything!!! i.e. How she will probably never forgive him (for making that choice.....), that really hurt me in alot of ways, since, I love their sibling-bond.... :( I can’t help that because of this, it will always leave a scar behind their bond :( [I can’t help but it makes me dislike her a little.... What Taichi decided was inevitable, but it’s the right thing, she understands that,so, why??? >.<]

And.... Why, Why does Daigo have to die?!?! It makes no sense.... How was he hurt THAT badly??? Did they kill him off just to make it tragic???

And the 02 kids didn’t even make an appearance at the end.... how sad >.<

Gennai, wtf happened to you??!! It never explained why he became like this... Is this even the real Gennai?!

I love the reunion between Agumon and Taichi, and I love how Agumon believed that Taichi will come back i.e. he’s not dead, even when the others doesn’t really think so positively, maybe this is just how Agumon is (in Adv Tri), but I just love how he have the utmost faith in Taichi <3

I still feel the movie was really rushed, but once again, it’s over... I probably won’t watch this again on my end, because I was annoyed at some parts, overall, it was enjoyable on some parts, and it was dark. I’ll probably rewatch some scenes that I love i.e. scenes between Taichi and Agumon/Koromon etc, scenes between Takeru x Kari... And ofcourse scenes between Taichi & Yamato haha.

#Digimon Tri #Digimon Adventure Tri #Digimon #Tri Spoilers #Digimon Tri Spoilers #Taichi Yagami

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wintych · 4 years ago

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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MAN WHO EARN AND BROKE MY TRUST. (The day I decide to give you space before letting you go)

Hi Babo, kamusta? I bet pag mabasa na nimo ni, im slowly healing na, :) Babo, still remember those times, i don’t want to trust or take a risk for a relationship, cause daghan kay kog issues? Then i told you, if makahulat ka, basig naay chance? Im praying to God nga pag dili man gale pure imong intentions, mas maayu kuhaon ka ni Lord, pero grabe bai, after 3 months, nag uyab nta, idk, i can see in your eyes how pure and innocent are you, and how different you are from other guys, You made me feel, safe haven those times, swerte kay ko sa akong kamaldita, wala kay emik, ni shut up rka, og gisabot ko nimo, Then you made me realize nga, elegal tika, para dli one sided, so kulba kaayu ko, that God is soo Good, smooth ra kaayu, until sa mas legal nata, even put chain lock on our fb status na legal ta. so free nka makalaag2 sa balay sa akong brother.

We create moments and deep talks, then i tried to enter and destroy your walls, then i realize how valuable and how much i wanted to love you and embraced everything about you. I trusted you so much that i gave everything to you, even helping you financially, vice versa, goes thats what lovers do right? and start to dream and plan for our future right after I pass my board exam. I even seriously said nga sus maski pag magpakasal nko sa imoa sa Judge next year (2021, this year cause we started soul connection on March 2020) then you smiled.

You were there, while im procrastinating about my theis subject, to finishing my degree and even attending my graduation pictorial. Grabe we’ve just known for almost 8 months, then felt like kaila na kaayu ta. i already told you na magcebu ko after pandemic, but pandemic last this longer, so i decided with your pleading power to have self review, sulayan basi diay makapasar with God’s guidance.

So review days start, naay away kay dili pa tika masabtan, naa koy needs nga dili nimo ma.attain, disappoints pero guess wat? im learning to understand you more deeper. i made balik2 things,but im learning. So in the middle of review days, nabikil mi ni kuya and decided to go home, am so hesitant to be home, kay magLDR ta pero tungod kay nagsalig kos imoa, i went home, then abe ko mas mstrong ta duha, pero constant ghpon ang commu, nak adjust nkos imoa, and even focused on studying more, then here it goes, so shock nga wala lng man ka nagpahibalo nga akong name sa in a relationship is cannot be seen anymore, Baboo i asked you, nganu? then you asked dili ikaw ana? and i burst out, nagging and saying those words out of control. cause its not once, its been twice, first you hide it, then to not seeing my name anymore?

So i calmed myself and said sorry cause you are still in the middle of your work so i decide to txt you, to talk on your bhaus. Then it all started, you dont want to talk to me anymore, no answered calls, youve already ghosted me for almost 6 days not having any answers nor talks from you? and it hurt so bad, im so distracted, you didnt even bother for my feelings, babo? why? just because i bursted out like that your going to throw away everything we build? why? why wont you dare talk to me? is there really someone new? babo why? why those nicknames and in a relationship of your hasnt change? why? T.T why leave me those thoughts, and what ifs, Babo, why? and the most funny thing is, i decide to give you space and im hoping that we will be okay after all, but deep inside me, you could possibly leave me forever. Babo i trusted you, everything i trusted you and waited for you. So i decided to wait until feb 13, 2021, and here i am crying breaking down, praying that you will give me answers, and thinking that any sooner will end up separate ways, but deep inside me, hoping that you would comeback cause i will embrace you fully again. T.T i know i cant do anything to change your mind for now, but my weapon will only prayers, and praying that we will be back to normal eve its impossible T.T please dont give up, i invested on this beacuse you want me to trust and love you with all of me T.T. and now were you? just keep on seening me and its fucking hard! T.T please comeback for the last time T.T lets work on this T.T sorry, ill make it up to you more.

But i know its impossible T.T may miracles happen T.T

waiting until feb 13 T.T i miss you so bad T.T

-Babi,

01/31/21

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lagingersnapz · 7 years ago

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Force Found - (Star Wars Fic) Chapter 7: Truth

Chapter: 7/?

Summary: Rey confronts Luke Skywalker about his past, and Ben Solo, while Kylo Ren and the First Order catch up to the fleeing Resistance.

Characters: Ben/Rey (Reylo, slow-burn), sequel trilogy characters.

Word Count: 3449

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: I'm just a girl, sitting at my laptop, asking it to do all of my writing for me. I swear, eventually I am going to try and get back to posting weekly. Or at least more than once a month. My statement from last time still stands. I have a parody/RP account on Twitter and it is taking up so much of my time. T.T I can't help it. I love RP.

Chapter 7: Truth

This time, when Rey stood outside Luke’s door, she did not knock. Instead, she tried to feel for him, as she had when she had arrived on Ahch-To. Stretching out with her mind, she searched. Her concentration almost broke the moment she found him. He was calm and still. Asleep.

Raising her hand, Rey reached for the door to his hut, and found it was not locked. Why would he bother to lock it? The Lanai wouldn’t intrude, and Rey was no threat to him. He trusted her.

Muted moonlight poured in through the door behind her, as Rey entered. She crept towards the bed, trying to remain stealthy, stopping at the edge of it, and looking down at the old Jedi master.

It was a reverse of her dream, she realized. Now, it was she that stood over him while he slept. The thought of it made goosebumps rise on her arms.

Carefully, as though the disturbance to the air would be enough to wake him, Rey reached out until her hand was only inches from his brow.

How had she done this before? Reading Kylo Ren’s mind had mostly been an accident. She had felt the assault on her own mental defenses that he had launched, and had pushed back. With Luke, there was no resistance. In sleep, his mind was open.

She reached out with her own mind, imagined walking into his, and began her search.

Ben Solo. She was looking for memories of Ben Solo. The Jedi academy. That night. Had he really stood over his nephew with the intent of destroying him?

It was difficult to focus herself. So many stray thoughts tried to distract her. Snatches of conversation that were not a part of the memory she needed to find.

“Ben, no!”

The cry made Rey flinch, and she almost broke the link, to physically fall away from him. Did she really want to know if it was true?

A dim light filled her mind as she forced herself to be immersed in the memory. It was much the same through Luke’s eyes. But, now, she got to see what happened before Ben awoke.

Luke reached out, a mirror of what Rey was doing now, and searched Ben’s mind.

He found darkness, and death. Whispered voices, coaxing him and driving him from the light. This boy would be the death of everything Luke held dear. He would be the destruction of the academy that Luke had built. He would be the death of his own father, and of countless other innocents.

Luke’s saber was in his hands almost before he realized what he was doing. His thoughts fell to his father, Anakin Skywalker, and all the destruction that he had wrought as Darth Vader.

The lightsaber flared to life, and the green glow it cast over the inside of the hut felt sickly and wrong.

One swing and he could stop it. The galaxy would never see the likes of Darth Vader again. It would be safe. One death to save many lives.

The thought passed quickly, and Luke let out a startled breath. How could he think such a thing over one so young? A boy. His own nephew.

He glanced back up to the sleeping padawan’s face, only to find his eyes had opened and were staring up at him with horror and rejection.

Before Luke could try to say a word, Ben reached out and pulled his own saber into his hands. Igniting it, he swung it up at his uncle, a man who should have protected him.

“Ben, no!” Luke cried out, as Ben reached out and gathered the Force around him, to aid him, and collapsed the hut down on top of them both.

Rey fell away from the Jedi master, even as she pulled her mind out of his memories.

His eyes were open, staring up at her in shock as she stumbled back, knocking against his table, and sending a box of utensils to the floor. He sat upright in bed.

“What are you doing?” Luke demanded. Had he not see what she had been looking for?

Bem Solo had not done anything to deserve death. Luke Skywalker had drawn his weapon on an innocent man.

“It was you,” she breathed. “You created him. Everything you saw came true, but it was your fault.”

Luke moved to stand up. He looked angry that she would say such a thing.

“Those memories were not yours to see,” he said harshly.

Rey swallowed hard, refusing to back down.

“That’s why you are in exile, isn’t it.” She was doing her best to stare him down, but the event had left her shaken.

“My interference brought about the very things I wanted to prevent. It wasn’t going to happen again.”

Rey shook her head, but the words Kylo Ren had spoken to her only seemed to buzz about louder in agitation.

“Did you know I had a connection to the Force?” she asked.

Luke stared at her silently for a moment, but that silence was all she needed. He didn’t say no, or try to deny it.

Her hands were clenched tightly at her sides as she gritted her teeth at him.

“You locked it away? Didn’t let me know about it? That’s why you didn’t want me to leave. Not because you had any concern for me. You just didn’t want me to realize what I am.”

At this, Luke began to shake his head and he finally stood up.

“I was searching for this planet when I landed on Jakku. I wasn’t looking for more students. When I found you, when I felt that amount of raw power in a one so young, I knew I couldn’t just leave you there. I brought you with because I thought I could help you.”

Rey cut him off angrily, her voice shaking.

“You didn’t help me to control it, you locked it away!” she spat.

“My father and my nephew had power like that and they have torn the galaxy apart!” Luke’s voice rose, and now he did stand and come towards her. “I wasn’t about to let it happen again, or wait for you to discover your power on your own by accidentally destroying Niima Outpost on a bad day.”

Rey looked around the small room, unsure exactly what she was looking for, but feeling something calling to her.

“What are you doing?” Luke demanded as she went to a lidded box on a nearby shelf. She swung it open, ignoring Luke’s protests, and inside she found several lightsaber hilts.

Reaching into the box, she ran a finger over one, and the whisper of a memory of a scream filled her mind.

“From the students old enough to build their own sabers. The one’s the Ben killed when he burned my temple to the ground. About half of them. The other half left with him.”

Rey stared down at the tragic relics, a flicker of pity lighting in her chest.

He’d killed them?

“Why kill the other students?” Rey asked, her own voice growing softer.

Then, she noticed it. A hilt that she recognized, though the color of the metal was different. Closing her fingers around it, she drew the hilt out and saw Luke’s face had gone pale when she looked up at him again.

“This was his saber,” she said.

The old Jedi nodded.

“He cast it aside and made a new one, after he left the temple.”

Rey looked over the dull, silver hilt. “It looks almost the same.” Rey’s voice was distracted as she remembered the saber that had gotten her off the Finalizer. The color was different, and it had been more crude, but otherwise the design was almost identical.

Her gaze sharpened, and she looked at Luke again.

“You created Kylo Ren. You have to defeat him,” she said harshly.

Luke’s face closed off once more.

“My role in this is over, Rey. I will not leave Ahch-To.”

She wanted to curse and yell at him. Whoever she had thought Luke Skywalker was, it was clearly not the man in front of her now, broken and weary.

“You need to leave,” Luke said evenly.

Rey blinked in surprise and shook her head.

“Leave? I can’t go. Not without you. You have to come with me.”

She knew she was begging, but even broken, he was a Jedi, wasn’t he?

Luke looked angry.

“I said ‘go,’” he said again, and Rey stood her ground until he moved towards her quickly.

Without thinking, without even realizing she thought of him as a threat, Rey thumbed the lightsaber to life, the cerulean blade becoming a barrier between herself and the Jedi. Just as young Ben Solo had once done.

The sight of it made Luke pause, and he looked at he with brief horror.

What was he thinking? Another child under his care that believed they had to defend themselves from him?

“Go, Rey,” he commanded, and then he swept past her and out the door, ignoring the weapon she had levelled at him.

Rey followed him outside, but he vanished into the darkness of the night, not bothering to take a light with him.

Rey could still sense his Force signature as it moved over the hills. He was headed for the uneti tree where the Jedi texts were kept.

She started to move to follow him, the lightsaber was still ignited in her hand, casting a blue glow over the stone pathway at her feet. A whole day and night. Had that time been wasted? How long until the Resistance got to Dantooine? Were they already there? Had the First Order already begun their attack?

Rey had told Poe that if she couldn’t convince Luke, she would meet them there. Was it time to leave? She had come to the island looking for a Jedi master. Instead, she would be leaving with disappointment as her only prize. That, and at least a thousand more questions.

As she stood, contemplating, a sense of foreboding swept over her, and then she knew. She had to leave. It was time. She had failed just as Poe had.

“BB-8,” she said. The little droid had watched the whole exchange from the doorway without making a sound. She wondered if he had expected success or predicted her failure.

Now, he chirped inquiringly at her. Rey knew her face was pale in the dark. She powered down the saber and, for a moment, was left in complete blackness.

As her eyes adjusted, Rey slipped the saber into her belt. It was still too big, though not so much as the more updated saber of a more grown up Kylo Ren.

“We need to go,” she said to the droid, and the two of the dashed for her X-Wing.

***

Kylo Ren had been to Dantooine before, when he was much younger. A trip with his mother on some diplomatic mission or another. His father had been… somewhere. Ben Solo had never really known where his father was most of the time.

It looked much the same now as it had then, though it felt like a lifetime had passed.

Maybe it had. After all, these were not Ben Solo’s eyes that gazed down on the world of rolling plains and wild kath hounds.

General Hux had been practically foaming at the mouth during their journey, wanting to blow the Resistance to bits, but always being just shy of reaching them.

The lightspeed tracking gave them a small window of time before the First Order could catch up, and the rebels had used that time to their advantage.

Now, he stood on the bridge of the Finalizer, and watched the transports and X-Wings making their flights down to the surface. It was much fewer than he had expected to see.

“Sir, your ship is ready.”

Kylo Ren thought he was starting to recognize this timid, unlucky soldier. The same one seemed to approach him frequently. High enough in rank to be on the bridge, he must have been low enough on the ladder for the others to coerce him into delivering news to the volatile Ren. It was true he had a habit of unleashing his fury at any unwanted news on anything and anyone that happened to be nearby.

Or, perhaps the small man was simply so without a backbone that he didn’t dare to question or delegate the commands. Did his superiors want to see him dead?

“Very well,” Kylo replied, his voice calm but intimidating, cycled through the modulator.

He would not be flying his Silencer today. No, he would descend in his command shuttle to lead the First Order troops into the base, alongside Captain Phasma. General Hux would follow only when he was sure that there was no danger. Kylo was sure of that.

He walked briskly, and with purpose, to the hangar. There was more than one on a Star Destroyer this size, but this one… Kylo’s eyes drifted over to the line of Walkers along one wall as he walked.

His command shuttle was comforting and familiar in an odd way. He sat in his chair, and waved to the crew to depart. The sooner they reached the surface, the sooner this whole thing could finally be ended. The tiny number of Resistance ships he had seen making the frantic run for the surface would never be able to hold out for long. Not in the ruins of an abandoned Rebel Alliance base.

His shuttle exited the hangar, flanked by half a dozen S/F TIE fighters, and with several more troop drop ships close behind him. If anyone had plans on stopping them, those intentions were quickly put to rest when the Finalizer unleashed a barrage on the Resistance frigate. The shields held for a short time, before failing completely. The ship was decimated by cannon fire. The Resistance troops that had made it to the ground would fare no better. They could hole up in that base all they wanted. In the end, it would do them no good.

The colors on Dantooine seemed more muted as they got closer. Dead ahead was the base. He had seen it before, he realized. And he noticed something else, too. Repairs had been made.

The First Order ships landed in time to see the main doors of the base close.

The fighters in the air fired on the empty passenger transports, and flares of orange flame dotted the newly minted battlefield.

“Orders, sir?” asked one of Kylo’s pilots. He had risen from his chair and now stood contemplatively next to the pilot’s seats, gazing out the window.

“They aren’t going anywhere,” he said. “We wait for the Walkers. We’ll need them to blow the doors open.”

And so, they waited.

It took a little extra time for the Walkers to arrive, but when they did, he had to admire the sight they offered. A line of them, sturdy, towering behemoths. First Order machinery at its finest.

TIE fighters continued to fly circles around the perimeter of the base, searching for any troops that might try and sneak out.

There was nothing to report. They were holed up, tightly and with nowhere to go.

“Fire on the main doors when ready,” Kylo commanded.

Ordinarily, it would have been Hux’s job to give the orders, but he remained on the Finalizer. The task fell to Kylo, instead.

On the ground, he knew troopers waited, Phasma at their head, ready to storm the base as soon as there was an opening.

The Walkers did not begin firing as one, but once the barrage began, it was an impressive sight. Soon, the base was obscured behind a wall of smoke, and flying debris, tinged red by the canon blasts.

Nothing would be able to withstand it. Anyone that had been outside the doors would be decimated. He watched it go on with quiet dispassion, reaching out through the Force, trying to feel the lives of those inside. It was difficult, but as he touched on those strong enough in the Force for him to pinpoint, he felt snatches of their emotions. To their credit, most were not afraid.

Most, but not all.

And then, he found one Force signature stronger than any of the others, and infinitely more familiar.

General Organa was in there.

As his mind brushed hers, he felt her perception shift toward him. He tried to pull back, to escape her thoughts, before she could send him anything he didn’t need.

Sorrow. Determination. Hope. Fear.

She was afraid, But, it was not fear for herself. She was afraid for him.

Not of him. For him.

Kylo drew back into himself. He didn’t want to sense any of them anymore. They were doomed to die. Every single one of them. There would be no prisoners.

The Walkers, one by one, ceased their firing. As the dust cleared, the hole that had been blasted and melted into the side of the base was obvious.

The edges had a red glow, even from his distance. The Resistance had not tried to open fire, or defend themselves. He had no doubt they were still in there. Waiting. He knew they were. He could sense them, after all.

On his orders, his shuttle finally landed, and he strode down the lowered boarding ramp with purpose. It was almost eerily silent in the aftermath of the Walkers. The sound of strained metal and crumbling chunks of stone from the damaged base met his ears. There was still no return fire from the Resistance.

Phasma was impossible to miss at the head of the column, prepared to storm the base. Her chrome armor shone ominously with the light from fires on nearby wreckage.

He joined her, and the march began. It was like the world around him narrowed until all that was left was the direct path to the base in front of him.

The ground still smouldered around the ruins of the great doors that had been demolished.

Inside the base, lights flickered on and off, damaged in the attack, though power was still on.

Kylo paused, and heard the troopers behind him come to a halt as well.

“Sweep the base. Kill them all. No prisoners.”

The words felt somehow sour.

The girl, the scavenger, Rey. She wasn’t here. He hadn’t found her as he searched. Still, he felt that other presence, shining brightly in the darkness. A light he had known all his life.

With their orders, the troopers marched on, and Kylo was free to move on his own. It was as he turned down a corridor, towards the light, that he heard the first sounds of blaster fire from back the way he had come.

He would not worry about it. The troopers outnumbered the rebels nearly four to one. And in training there was no comparison to be made at all.

It didn’t take long for a wayward fighter to shoot at him.

Kylo had senses the man hiding out behind a control panel in a side room, waiting to ambush some unlucky First Order trooper. Kylo had been prepared to keep walking, to leave him to those troopers.

The bolt that was fired at him changed his mind quickly.

He turned, reaching out and lifting the entire panel, throwing it at the man using the Force, crushing him against the far wall.

The man barely managed to cry out, and then he was gone, his presence in the Force snuffed out.

After that, Kylo decided he needed more stealth. It wasn’t that he couldn’t have handled any opposition he came across, but haste was necessary. Some instinct told him he needed to reach that light before the others did. He needed to be the one to face her.

Whatever she was doing as the base fell under attack, Leia Organa did not flee. Was she hiding like the others? Lying in wait for an enemy to destroy? Would she fire on him? Would she even recognize who he was at all? He wore his mask. His face was hidden. Could she sense him the way he could sense her?

She was close. Kylo ignited the blade of his saber, steeling himself. Whatever she was doing in that room, she was doing it alone.

He approached the doors. They were closed, but not locked. Something made his hand shake as he reached out to press the button to open them.

“Ben.” Han Solo’s voice seemed to whisper in his ear. A voice he would never be able to escape.

The doors slid open with a hiss.

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